#TMMOT

[chocolatequeennk]

From my Facebook memories.

Six years ago, working on the rought draft of TMMOT.

[justanotherpersonsuniverse]

My thoughts on the latest TMMOT chapter: 1) Luka's reaction to Juleka telling him she'd been dating Rose this whole time and didn't notice; 2) HEY MARINETTE HOW'S THAT GOOD LUCK WORKIN' OUT FOR YA?

Luka is jsut laughing for thirty minutes straight

[chocolatequeennk]

On August 15, 2013, I started taking notes on a little project called To Make Much of Time. (Though it wasn’t named for almost a year.)

And on November 18th, 2014, I started posting it. I hope you enjoy the outtake I have for you today, and all the memories and reblogs of various Timelessness ‘verse posts.

[chocolatequeennk]

I'm not a neuroscientist, but I am a librarian and a research geek, and I read somewhere that when dopamine is released in the nucleus accumbens in the brain, it triggers enough pleasure that scientists are calling the nucleus accumbens "the pleasure center" of the brain, and I immediately thought of that scene in To Make Much of Time where Ten explains to Rose that he can telepathically trigger the pleasures centers of her brain. Does Ten mean something like the dopamine release, only more so?

Yes, I think that’s a good comparison. Basically he means being able to cause those biochemical reactions telepathically, without actually inducing them physically.

[chocolatequeennk]

I think it should've been show canon that the Master was behind the events at Canary Wharf. That's very in line with how he acted in Classic Who, using others to do his dirty work.

I kinda do, too. Except that it was fun to surprise people with that in the epilogue. ;)

[chocolatequeennk]

I just reread the wedding scene in TISAF and it’s one of my favorite scenes ever. It’s so happy and romantic and perfect. And it just got me thinking. What have been some of your favorite romantic scenes to write in the series?

Oh, what a fun question!! Like I said on Thursday night when you sent me this, I’m going to cheat a bit. I’ll do the top five romantic scenes in this post, then later today and tomorrow, I’ll do two separate lists of the top moments the Doctor and Rose said or did something to show they love the other. Romance is one thing... the long-term commitment to keep love going is another.

The Top Five Romantic Moments in Being to Timelessness

To Make Much of Time, chapter 28 (In which the Doctor and Rose bond)

[The Doctor] shifted so they were standing side by side holding hands again, clasped palm to palm with their fingers laced together. The Medusa Cascade was invisible, but Rose could still see the possibilities swirling in the air.

His fingers tightened in hers, and she glanced up at his face. How long are you going to stay with me?

Rose’s heart sped up. This was him, asking. She felt her own timeline and saw only one path forward. There was no universe in which she wouldn’t want the Doctor. Forever, she told him, never more sure of anything in her life.

The word carried the weight of authority, and they both shivered as it settled into their timelines, forming the provisional bond that would begin to tie their minds together.

To Make Much of Time, chapter 40 (In which the Doctor proposes)

“Right now, we’re in a geosynchronous orbit. And that—” [the Doctor] pointed to the cloud-obscured planet—“is London. Specifically, London on the fourth of March, 2005. In about two hours, a weary old Time Lord will take the hand of an extraordinary shopgirl who will remind him that there is still some good left in the universe.”

Rose looked up at him. “And a London shopgirl who’s convinced she’s never gonna do anything else will be rescued by an alien who shows her that the universe is so much bigger than she’d imagined.”

...

The Doctor ... had the box open and the ring out before Rose could fully form her protest. Her mouth fell open, and she took the ring from him.

“You’ve already promised yourself to me according to Gallifreyan customs. I want to make the same promise to you in the way you grew up expecting.” Rose’s gaze flitted up to meet his. “Marry me?”

Time is Still A-Flying, chapter 6 (The Doctor and Rose’s wedding)

[The Doctor] placed his hands on her temples, and Rose mirrored him. This is the last time we’ll need to be touching to go into each other’s minds, he told her. Last chance to change your mind—there’s no going back after this.

Don’t want to go back. I just want to go forward, with you, forever.

The Doctor’s hands trembled on her temples. I love you, he told her fervently.

...

The words came easily to Rose. I take you as my bond mate, sharing my life, my mind, and all I am with you. I promise never to lie to you, and to be true to our bond through regeneration after regeneration, until we are finally parted by death.

She could feel his deep joy and a pleasure that went far beyond happiness, and then he said, Now, Rose.

With the TARDIS’ help, she pressed into the telepathic centre of his mind, feeling him do the same thing in hers. The awareness of him that their bond had given her flared and deepened. She knew more than how he was feeling or what he was thinking; she knew him.

Yes. Oh, Rose. You are my forever.

Taking Time, chapter 4 (Their third anniversary, following a year of healing after the Master)

They dropped over the edge of the cliff, and Rose’s giggle turned into a gasp. The sun was low on the horizon over the azure waters of the Barcelonian sea. Wispy clouds had moved in during the late afternoon and now caught the pink and purple rays of the setting sun.

But the Doctor was more interested in how the shifting colours danced over Rose’s features. Her blonde hair caught the pink light of the sun, making it look like rose gold. He reached out and brushed a strand out of her face, and she turned to look up at him.

My pink and yellow Rose, he said as he leaned down to kiss her. Happy anniversary.

Rose sighed when he caught her lower lip between his. Happy anniversary, Doctor.

Forever and Never Apart, chapter 22 (Just. Very romantic.)

“You said you weren’t ready for me to regenerate yet. And I thought… You loved the old me; you’ve told me that before. So… would it really be so bad if I regenerated?”

Oh. She hadn’t really been thinking when she’d said that—she certainly hadn’t been thinking about how the words would sound to the Doctor.

...

That’s not what I meant, Doctor, she told him. I loved you then and I love you now. I’ve even loved the younger versions of you we’ve met. I’ll love every you in the future, I promise.

Then why…

She reached out and took his hand, keeping her touch delicate as she stroked his fingers. These are the hands that touched me the first time we made love. She ran her finger over his eyebrow. These are the eyes that looked into mine when we said our wedding vows.

“Rose…”

His raspy whisper brought tears to her eyes. “And that’s the voice that told me you loved me for the first time,” she concluded. “I’ll love every you, Doctor, because every Doctor is you. But there have been so many of those first moments shared with this you, and I’m not ready to let go of that yet.”

Thanks again for the ask! I had a lot of fun with this post, and I’m looking forward to the next two.

[chocolatequeennk]

1. To Make Much of Time will always have a very special place in my heart that no other fic will ever come close to 2. Bad Wolf Rose is my favorite headcanon of yours, and you write it so freaking beautifully 3. You are my forever. Hands down this will always be my favorite, and it’s such a canon-sounding line that I often forget I can’t use it in my own stories 4. I adore the scene where Rose finds out how much of a taboo lying to your bondmate is. So much wonderful h/c there.

Thank you! Your love and support for TMMOT and the series as a whole means so much to me. 

Bad Wolf Rose is my favourite headcanon too, probably. It’s certainly the one that influences my writing the most. I mean... you can’t even really have “you are my forever” without having Bad Wolf Rose. (Funny note: I tried to use that in another one of my stories recently and was annoyed with myself for already using the perfect line.)

Ahhh, that was such an important scene. Cultural difference! They definitely happen. 

To Make Much of Time

[chocolatequeennk]

Looooook @jemsauce and @lastbluetardis!!! I love it so much!! My best reunion moment, and it’s purple too!!! 

I haven’t changed my laptop desktop background in three years, so I love this enough for it to displace David in a kilt. 

[chocolatequeennk]

Four years ago today, I started taking notes for the story that would become To Make Much of Time. At the time, I didn’t know it would be an epic length story, much less that it would become a full series. I just knew I wanted to write about the changes I felt Bad Wolf must have made to Rose.

But here I am, four years later, with the Being to Timelessness series. I’ve always loved series rewrites with Rose, so writing this series is such a privilege for me. Thank you for reading the stories and encouraging me when I get frustrated with them. 

Today, on the anniversary, Rose is off with the Doctor, Donna, and Martha to Messaline, where they will meet the Doctor’s Daughter. I really can’t think of a better chapter to show how far the series has come. 

[chocolatequeennk]

It's probably a bit redundant by now, but definitely TMMOT. I am certain my third time won't be the last.

:D Thank you!! That’s probably my favourite, too. I spent so much time working out all my thoughts about telepathy and Bad Wolf when I wrote that story. Plus, of course, pulling out the changes in their relationship and forming the foundation of where they are now. 

Story ref: To Make Much of Time

Tell me which of my stories are your favourite

[chocolatequeennk]

So I have a new reader on AO3 going through To Make Much of Time, and as they get closer to Doomsday, their comments are becoming more and more concerned. 

It’s just so satisfying to me, not because I want to Hurt people, but because it means I did my job right. I wanted to get the stakes as high as possible before sending them to Canary Wharf. Rock solid relationship, telepathic bond, settling happily into their new life... I didn’t do all of that just because I wanted to write fluff. I did those things because if they’re as happy as they possibly could be, then what happened during Doomsday would matter more. 

And apparently, I succeeded.

[chocolatequeennk]

Have you ever considered what you would name the chapters of TMMOT if you were using the same conventions that you do now?

I am amused by the term “conventions,” because it makes it sound like I have like... an actual pattern for naming chapters. Considering I named four chapters after a song by They Might Be Giants because I am extra salty over the Daleks story in S3, that might be giving me more credit than I deserve. ;) 

I have not, though--to actually answer the question. AO3 makes it really easy to edit the chapter names, so maybe someday I’ll go back through there and name them all. Maybe. (Most likely not. Some come really easily, and then sometimes I have no idea what to call them.)

[chocolatequeennk]

To Make Much of Time recap

In the last four days before Forever and Never Apart begins, I’m going to do recap posts of each of the four main works in the series so far. Hopefully they’ll make you smile if you know the story, and possibly intrigue you if you haven’t read them. Each post will have a handful of crucial moments from the story, with a brief line of commentary on each scene about why it’s important to the series.

To Make Much of Time

AO3 | FF.net | Teaspoon | Tumblr

Summary: The Doctor thought he’d removed all traces of the Vortex from Rose, but there was still something of the Wolf about her. What would have changed if he’d been forced to face that–and if Rose had understood what she was becoming? Ten x Rose series 2 canon divergence and Doomsday fixit.

From chapter 2:

Once again, he saw himself kiss Rose. Then, as he laid her down on the floor, he noticed something he had failed to catch the first time around.

Rose wasn’t breathing.

The Doctor’s hearts stopped, and he stumbled over to an arm chair and sat down.

I am curious, Time Lord. You were the one who lowered her body to the floor. How did you fail to notice that she had died?

I was dying myself, he defended hotly.

And it didn’t occur to you that if the Vortex had killed you after only a minute, it must have killed a mere human? Rose Tyler held the Vortex within her for at least ten times the length of time you did.

The obviousness of it sank in. Of course the Vortex killed Rose. How could he have missed it? He groaned and tipped his head back, staring up at the blue ceiling.

Who are you?

I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself, and I cannot be uncreated.

This is one of my chief headcanons, and one of the reasons I believe so strongly in Bad Wolf!Rose. She should have died, and yet she didn’t. Eventually in this story, we learn that Rose’s biology was permanently altered during her time as Bad Wolf. 

From chapter 3:

“But the TARDIS, she only communicates telepathically. So when you were Bad Wolf, together, she—or maybe the two of you, using the Vortex—strengthened those neural pathways. That’s how she could tell you how to fly her.”

Rose connected the dots. “The hum is the TARDIS.”

“Yep.”

“I can hear a ship that only communicates telepathically.”

“Yep.”

“Doctor, am I telepathic?”

“You are now, thanks to my interfering ship.”

From chapter 7: 

“Rose, have you had any headaches, nausea, any discomfort since we learned about your telepathy?”

“No—well, except for the other night, when we were working on barriers.”

“That’s… that’s not… you should…” The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck.

Rose raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “Are you saying you want me to be sick?”

“Of course not, but Rose, developing the telepathic circuits of the brain is not a comfortable experience! You should at least be getting headaches. We all got headaches.”

The TARDIS hummed in the back of his mind, but he ignored her. He needed to figure this out.

“D’you think the TARDIS is helping?” Rose suggested.

[...]

The Doctor felt his ship’s confirmation and Rose’s answering gratitude, and a rock lodged itself in the pit of his stomach. “Oh, this is bad. This is… this is bad.”

“What’s so bad about it?”

“Well, I might have just realised why our attempts at blocking emotions gave you a headache.”

The Doctor glanced over at Rose, hoping she was already following along with what he was saying, but the little furrow in her brow told him he’d have to explain further.

“What’s that got to do with this?”

“Time Lords are bonded to their TARDISes, Rose. We call it a telepathic link, but really it’s more empathic.”

“Yeah, that’s why she couldn’t translate when you were sick, right?”

He nodded, rubbing at his temples. “And if she’s in your mind all the time, keeping you from getting sick, then you and I are already connected on a shallow level, just like I’m connected to her.”

[...]

“I still don’t quite get why this is bad.”

“My connection with her, and yours too I’d guess, they always stay open. She needs mine to function—hence the translation matrix not working, as you pointed out. And you… you need yours to hold the pain at bay.” His head dropped to the back of his chair and glared up at his interfering ship. “So we’re both constantly connected to the same TARDIS. It’s like a three-way conference call.”

The Doctor finally felt a hint of understanding from Rose. “A three-way conference call we can’t hang up on.”

“Exactly.”

“Guess you’ll just have to learn not to react to things emotionally,” Rose told him cheekily.

The Doctor tried to tamp down his anxiety. “I’m sorry, Rose,” he offered. “If I’d known this would happen, I never…”

“You never what?” she asked. “Never would have offered to go into my mind? Because we both know that’s why all this is happening. If you hadn’t looked to make sure the effects of Bad Wolf were still contained, I never…”

“Never would have fully developed your telepathic abilities,” he finished.

These two scenes together form another cornerstone of To Make Much of Time. Rose is telepathic, and because of the way that telepathy happened, she and the Doctor have a permanent empathic connection--they can sense each other’s emotions. And of course, for two people who are trying to pretend they aren’t in love, losing the ability to hide how they’re feeling has serious repercussions. 

From chapter 16:

The words, “What you mean to me,” hung in the air, understood by both. “I said you could spend the rest of your life with me,” he said instead.

Rose laughed harshly. “Right, and you’ve been pulling back ever since. You even sent me to make tea so you could get rid of me after you got back from France.” She felt his guilt and knew she’d been right that night. “How was I supposed to know you didn’t regret that promise? Maybe you want to get rid of me. Maybe I should just stay here.”

The Doctor’s white hot agony took her by surprise, and she drew in a quick breath. “It’s not what I want,” she quickly continued, “but all this time, I’ve been keeping quiet because I was afraid you’d leave me behind if I said anything. Well, now I know I can take it if you do, so we’re going to talk. What do you need so desperately that you couldn’t even stay put for one night, Doctor?”

She could feel the fear and panic swirling within the Doctor as he struggled to answer her question. Before, she would have rushed to ease the awkward silence, not wanting the Doctor to feel pressured. Today, she calmly fixed both his tea and hers to their liking and then sat down across from him to wait.

“Distance,” he finally whispered. “You’re… you’re always there. You can see… I can’t hide from you, not in here,” he said, tapping the side of his head.

Rose handed him his cup and leaned against the cabinets. “You feel naked, exposed, like the deepest parts of yourself don’t belong just to you anymore?”

He started. “How did you… Oh.”

“Finally catching on, are we? And I thought Time Lords were supposed to have such big brains.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “I never thought… didn’t realise…”

“We both know there’s something here that… that you’re not ready to talk about yet,” she said, choosing her words carefully. She wanted to be clear, but she didn’t want him to panic again. The Doctor’s chair squeaked a little as he shifted around, and Rose smiled at him. “I’m not gonna insist you do, or push the issue. I…” She bit her lip, then decided to put all her cards on the table. “I wanna be with you, Doctor, but not until you’re ready.”

Serious repercussions, such as the Doctor constantly pulling back from Rose. Rose eventually lays into him for it, after he accidentally leaves her in London for a day because he couldn’t just sit still. They form a tentative truce here, but it takes time for her to trust him again.

From chapter 22:

The Doctor stayed in the control room for a few minutes, wondering what exactly the night would hold. Before Krop Tor, Rose had still held him slightly at a distance. Maybe she finally trusted him again.

He stopped in his room to change into a pair of pyjama bottoms. He debated the vest for a moment and finally opted to leave it on.

Rose’s door was open a crack and he pushed through. She was already lying down on the far side of the bed, laying on her side facing away from him. He hesitated for a moment, but the covers on the near side of the bed were flipped up in invitation, so he slid in beside her.

He heard her exhalation and knew she hadn’t been certain he’d come. He looked over at her back. He couldn’t see her face, but he needed…

The Doctor rolled onto his side and pulled Rose close so her backside was flush with his front. She took his hand and kissed his palm, and he nuzzled into her neck. “We made it,” he whispered.

“Yeah, we did. We’re home.”

The moment wasn’t anything like he’d expected, but it was still perfect. “I love you.”

Rose sighed and turned over to snuggle into his side. She pressed a kiss to his jaw, then whispered in his ear, “I love you too, my Doctor.”

From chapter 28:

The Doctor stared at a spot over her shoulder. “We’ll form a telepathic connection, like we have the few times we’ve talked. Then I’ll ask you to bond with me. If you accept, the provisional bond is formed.”

Rose frowned. “Not if, Doctor,” she said firmly. “When. When I accept.”

His eyes met hers, and she could see the fear and wonder he was projecting over their empathic connection. “May I?” he asked, lifting his hand to her temple. She nodded. “You too, Rose,” he added, bringing her left hand up to his right temple.

They both sighed when the contact was formed, and Rose felt a sense of relief from the Doctor, like he’d been aching for this. You’ve been lonely for too long, Doctor, she told him.

I’d never been alone in my head before, not really. It was the worst part of the War. He gently redirected their conversation. But we aren’t here to talk about that.

The Doctor in Rose’s mind closed his eyes, and a moment later, they were standing in the canyon again. How’d you do that?

Inside your mind, you can be anywhere you want to be. He shifted so they were standing side by side holding hands again, clasped palm to palm with their fingers laced together. The Medusa Cascade was invisible, but Rose could still see the possibilities swirling in the air.

His fingers tightened in hers, and she glanced up at his face. How long are you going to stay with me?

Rose’s heart sped up. This was him, asking. She felt her own timeline and saw only one path forward. There was no universe in which she wouldn’t want the Doctor. Forever, she told him, never more sure of anything in her life.

The word carried the weight of authority, and they both shivered as it settled into their timelines, forming the provisional bond that would begin to tie their minds together. By mutual consent, they removed their fingers from each other’s temples, leaving the telepathic connection behind.

The first I love you, followed not long after by the formation of a telepathic bond. At this point, the Doctor and Rose are what we would consider engaged. 

From chapter 37/38:

The Doctor focused on the bond, opening himself up to it so she could feel how much he loved her. Her answering love and sorrow reverberated back to him, then Pete hit the button on his hopper and they disappeared.

The suction slowly faded, and then for a few seconds he could actually see the breach weave itself back together before closing entirely. His bond with Rose pulled like it had before, but this time it tore completely, and he shuddered at the pain.

The Doctor’s breath came in heaving sobs. When his feet touched the ground again, he stared at the wall for a long moment, as if he could will Rose back into existence by focusing on the point from which she had disappeared. Then he walked toward it in a daze, not stopping until he was pressed against it, his hand splayed out flat.

The place in his mind where Rose was supposed to be was empty. His mind tried to reach across the Void to find her, but the breach was well and truly closed. There was nothing there; no answer from her, no brush of her warm, pink-gold mind against his. She was just gone, and the bone deep loss nearly brought him to his knees.

The emptiness in his head after the war had nearly driven him mad. Then he’d met Rose, and even before the Game Station, she’d filled some of the hollow places left by the loss of his people. Later, their empathic connection and bond had given him the telepathic communion he’d needed.

Losing her ripped open wounds that had barely begun to scab over. He stumbled back a few steps from the wall, his vision clouded. The TARDIS sang to him, and he turned around, letting her call him home.

The Doctor didn’t know how he made it back to the TARDIS; everything from the moment he’d walked away from the white wall—away from Rose—was a blur. But here he was, guided home by his ship and his time senses. He ran a hand over the door before turning the key and stepping inside.

The Doctor flinched away from the time ship’s comforting hum. Being comforted would mean he’d lost something. He hadn’t… she couldn’t… He pressed his fists against the edge of the console and leaned forward, breathing raggedly.

After a long moment, he straightened up and swallowed. He needed to be gone from here—Gone from everywhere, his mind suggested—and he slowly punched in the coordinates that would send them into the Vortex.

Yes, I’m so sorry I did this. But it was the only way to bring about the fix I wanted to write.

From chapter 39:

The beach was empty, save for one person coming toward him a fast pace. Runner, his mind supplied. Her hair caught in the wind, and he wondered how long it would be before he could look at a blonde and not see Rose.

It was more than her hair colour that was familiar, however. There was something in her gait, in the way she held herself… Then he noticed the runner’s blue cardigan and black trousers. His hearts clenched, and his own pace picked up, until he was running toward her flat out.

“Doctor!” Rose called out, and the sound of her voice gave him an extra burst of speed. He caught her in his arms only seconds later and lifted her up, twirling around while she laughed.

“Rose, oh Rose, you’re here,” he murmured as he set her back on her feet. He pulled her close and pressed his forehead to hers.

“I’m here, my Doctor,” she whispered, and he could feel her breath on his face.

He lifted a shaking hand and pressed his fingers to her temple without even asking. Rose mirrored him, and everything was almost perfect.

Forever, she said without being prompted, and their bond snapped back into place.

The Doctor’s knees nearly buckled, and the thought that he didn’t want the rest of their reunion to take place on a cold beach worked its way into his consciousness.

He took her hand and grinned down at her. “Run!”

I love this reunion so much.

From chapter 40:

Rose leaned her head against his shoulder, and the Doctor wrapped an arm around her, holding her close. He could feel her mind working, trying to figure something out, but he couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

“Do you think I saw this, when I was Bad Wolf?” she asked finally. “Did I make this happen?”

The Doctor considered. “You were Time, Rose. It wasn’t just something you were aware of, or that you marked your life with. For that half hour, Time was entwined with the essence of who you are. So yes, I think you saw this. And I think the place you held in Time probably will make key moments in your life... resonate more than they would for an ordinary person.”

He looked down at her and brushed his thumb along her cheek. “But I don’t think Bad Wolf made this happen. I think we did.”

Rose chewed on the inside of her mouth, then the slight tension around her eyes eased and she smiled. “You’re right, my Doctor,” she said. “And it all began right down there.”

Sitting in the Earthlight with his bond mate, the Doctor reached out tentatively for their timelines. The beauty of what he saw took his breath away, and he pressed his fingers to Rose’s temple so she could see it too. Two timelines entwined, stretching into the future as far as they could see.

And the last few lines of the story proper (excluding the epilogue). Maybe it’s unusual to share the last lines in a recap post, but it really shows how they changed and grew together over the six months or so of the story, and gives an idea of what their future will be like. 

[chocolatequeennk]

Everything or Nothing

This is part of my ficaversary celebration. I’m pulling out deleted scenes and half-finished stories from my archives.

Today’s scene is from a very early draft of the end of To Make Much of Time. For a long time, I was stuck on the idea of Canary Wharf making the Doctor and/or Rose wonder if the bond was really a good idea. I eventually decided that I wanted a completely happy and fluffy resolution to TMMOT, but for a while, bits of this lived on in chapter 5 of Time is Still A-Flying. Thankfully, I finally let go of the notion that this angst was in-character, but i still love a lot of the dialogue. 

Ten x Rose, teen

The Doctor felt her reach for the bond, and he flinched back.

“Doctor?”

His stomach knotted as he tried to find a way to tell Rose what he was thinking. She touched him physically then, putting her hand on his thigh.

“Why are you shutting me out?”

The Doctor stood up and walked out of Rose’s reach. “Maybe a bond wasn’t a good idea,” he said, refusing to look at her when he said the words.

There was a long silence, made more awkward by the fact that even with the bond blocked on his end, he could still feel her anger and confusion over that bloody empathic connection.

“You thought it was a good idea last night,” she finally said evenly.

The tips of the Doctor’s ears turned hot. Their reunion the previous night had been passionate, especially the telepathic aspect of it. They’d lost themselves in the bond for hours, healing the wounds of their separation, offering comfort, and finally bringing each other to heights of pleasure never experienced before.

“Yes, well…” He tugged at his ear. “We both needed the bond last night. Bonds aren’t meant to be broken like that, and the only way to heal our minds was to sink as deeply into each other as possible.”

He cleared his throat. “But that’s actually part of my point. If we didn’t have a bond, then there wouldn’t have been anything to heal.”

Rose stood up and walked around the console to face him. “Tell me this, Doctor. Would losing me have hurt less if we didn’t have a bond?” She didn’t let him answer before she barrelled on. “Because yeah, not having you in my head hurt and it felt wrong, but it was nothing compared to thinking for those few seconds that I was never going to see you again.”

The Doctor shook his head slowly. “It was different for me,” he whispered. “Time Lords… Gallifreyans… telepathy was our primary sense. I couldn’t separate the ache in my mind from the ache in my hearts like that.” He choked back a sob, remembering the pain as he’d pressed himself against the white wall, trying to find her. “You weren’t there. You’re supposed to be there, and you weren’t, and that hurt so much.”

Rose’s anger faded. She lifted a hand to cup his jaw. “My Doctor,” she said softly. “Then answer this question: won’t dissolving our provisional bond hurt just as much? When we form a telepathic connection, won’t you ache for what we had, and what we could have had?”

The Doctor froze, his time senses opening up to show him moments exactly like what Rose had painted. “I…” He stared at her helplessly.

Rose stepped back from him. “I love you and I want this bond. My mind keeps pushing to make it the marriage bond.”

The Doctor nodded; he’d felt that last night.

“But I’m not gonna pressure you into something you’re not comfortable with. S’long as this isn’t you backing away from us actually being together…” His eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously. “Okay. Then I’ll leave the choice up to you. Just know if you’re doing this out of some kind of attempt to protect me… I choose the bond.”

The Doctor watched in mute silence as Rose walked out of the console room. His ship was chiming angrily in his head, trying to ask him what he thought he was doing.

He slumped down onto the floor in the same position he’d found Rose earlier: leaning against the door frame with his feet dangling out into space. The TARDIS threatened to push him out if he didn’t wise up, and he snorted. Always on Rose’s side, and after this week, he understood why. Just like there was a bit of the TARDIS in Rose, there was a bit of Rose in the TARDIS.

He stared out at the stars and watched time swirl and eddy around them. Galaxies born, planets dying, stars going supernova. The Time War had damaged the Web of Time extensively, but frayed as it was, this much remained.

When he’d ended the war, he’d felt like he was ripped out of the Web of Time, just as surely as he was torn from the Matrix. He’d always been a wanderer, a man without a home, but now he didn’t have a place in Time either.

Then Bad Wolf stepped out of the TARDIS with all of Time glowing around her, and she claimed him. “My Doctor,” she said, the same endearment Rose still used. With the words, the Doctor had felt himself slot into Time again.

And if he belonged with her, then could he be with her without the bond? Was that even possible?

The TARDIS hummed smugly, and he realised his ship had known this all along. He could have everything with Rose, or nothing. There could be no halfway.

The Doctor drew a deep breath and got to his feet. Tell me where she is? he asked his ship.

She remained silent, and he picked up his coat and rummaged through the pockets, looking for a small wooden box. When he found it, he held it out in the palm of his hand.

I want to give her this.

In the orchard, the TARDIS told him.

The Doctor frowned; as far as he knew, he didn’t have an orchard. But she showed him the path and when he opened the door, he saw a wide meadow in front of him, and an orchard off in the distance on the right.

But Rose was laying on her back in the grass, only a few feet away from the door. “Made up your mind already?”

He could feel her uncertainty, and for a moment, he considered answering over their bond. It would certainly answer her question. But he had a plan, and he stuck with it.

Rose sat up and looked at him steadily, and the Doctor sank down to the ground so they were at eye level. His hand reached into his jacket pocket and clenched around the box.

“I got you something when we were on Razda. When… when you fell, I thought I’d never be able to give it to you.”

He pulled the box out of his pocket and showed it to her. “I saw that before, when I was looking for your psychic paper,” Rose said.

“And you didn’t look inside?”

“I was a little busy at the time,” she reminded him.

The Doctor swallowed hard. He’d already proposed once; this shouldn’t be so hard. Of course, you did tell her less than an hour ago that maybe proposing to her like that wasn’t a good idea, he reminded himself.

“So? Do I get to see what’s in the box?”

“Right. Yes.” Unlike jewellery boxes, the lid wasn’t hinged, so he was able to open it without showing her the contents.

Rose’s curiosity buzzed through his mind, and he smiled at her. “Patience,” he chided playfully.

“Don’t tell me to be patient when you’re acting like you’re about to—”

The rest of her sentence disappeared in a gasp when the Doctor held the ring out so the sunlight caught the stones and sparkled.

“Marry me?”

She reached out for the ring, and he let her take it, enjoying the awe on her face. Clearly, he’d chosen well.

After a minute, she looked back at him, resolve on her face. “Marry you how?” she asked. “The human way, or the Time Lord way.”

“Human, Time Lord, and everything in between.” He lifted his telepathic barriers and felt her hovering at the edge of his consciousness. “We could get married on every planet we land on, if that’s what you want.”

She laughed and handed him the ring. For a heart-stopping moment, he thought she was giving it back, then he realised she was holding out her left hand.

The Doctor slid the ring onto her finger, and slid into their bond at the same time. They both sighed at the connection. You were right, he told her. There’s no way I could be with you without this.

[chocolatequeennk]

12. favourite fic to reread -- The whole of the Timelessness verse, but as you know, I have a special obsession with, er, I mean, love for TMMOT ;)

The first time you mentioned how many times you’d read TMMOT, my jaw dropped. I just... the thought that my stories could be that re-readable was shocking. 

To Make Much of Time

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[chocolatequeennk]

... i just want you to know that to make much of time was so good i read the entire thing in four days. i daresay i've ever read something so fast. i LOVE your work. so. so. much. thank you for sharing your writing with the world!! i love and cherish it so much.

Ahhh, thank you! To Make Much of Time holds such a special place in my heart. I had no idea when I started it--almost three years ago now--that it would be as long as it was, or that it would turn into the sprawling series that it’s become. I just wanted to use that line in Tooth and Claw (”There’s something of the Wolf about you.”) to open up an exploration of how Bad Wolf changed Rose. Bringing telepathy into their relationship at such an early stage was both challenging to write, and really fun to play with.

And then I got into it, and well... once I started telling Rose and the Doctor’s story, I just didn’t want to stop. And now I’ve written 750,000 words for the series, including full series rewrites of series 2-4. Not to mention my future plans. 

Meanwhile, today, I’m editing my way through Forever and Never Apart, the S4 story. And your lovely words are giving me renewed energy to get as much done as possible. :D

Series: Being to Timelessness