#TLDR: I don’t exactly know what to do so I’m gonna make an excuse so I can interact only when I see the opportunity

[demonlike-judge-offire]

plz protect kim dokja (@/kim-deadja) your precious kim dokja is being bullied by an anon 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Oh no! I see…

As much as I’d like to save him, nothing I CAN do. The things they’re saying are scary but… if it isn’t causing harm, then it cannot be counted as evil, and I cant fight or threaten them or else I’D be counted as evil, since tons of monsters manipulate minds and speak to scenario participants. Because they’re commanded by dokkaebis or a higher being, we constellations cannot do anything

It seems like they’re not of incarnation kind either, from what I’ve seen.

But if they aren’t human, I don’t know why h◼◼r◼ is so insistent on attacking Kim Dokja, it doesn’t make any sense!

Either way, I’ll see what I can do. I can somewhat interact with them, maybe I can get them to stop? Otherwise, there’s no way for me to physically fight against them.

[giveafike]

Twinkling Tales - B.T.S

TLDR: night drive w your darling boyfriend, Ben. This is part 8/12 of Azzie's Advent Calendar 2024!

Word count + info: 5k + dialogue.

Warnings + Content Ahead: SFW! No warnings : )

Azzie Notes ✚: only one third left to go! Oh goodness, where did the time go?? These next few are gonna be quite the cutesy, kissy, smoochy ones - hope u enjoy! Super romantic shtuff as the holidays and the idea of family really starts getting to Benny <3

————————————————————————

Ben’s bedroom was warm and quiet, the soft hum of the heater blending with the occasional creak of the house settling. It was just the four of you now, Emma and Alex took their leave in the morning for some "private time", whatever that had entailed. Lisa and Bryan are downstairs somewhere, leaving you and Ben cocooned in the privacy of his room.

You lay sprawled across his chest, the plaid of your pyjama pants brushing against his, matching perfectly with the navy tops he’d bought for the two of you weeks ago. The scent of his cologne lingered faintly on his shirt, a clean, woodsy comfort you’d grown to associate with him. One of his hands absently combed through your hair, fingertips occasionally trailing along your scalp, lulling you into a cozy stillness. Around the room, bits of Ben’s past clung to the walls and shelves; posters of tennis and NFL legends, a few wrinkled, aged post-its on the mirror and desk, and books that charted the years of his life. Your gaze caught on a shelf where Diary of a Wimpy Kid books sat next to heavier finance textbooks from college, the juxtaposition making you smile.

“You really had it all, huh?” you teased lightly, pointing over to the well-worn book spines. “From Greg Heffley to… whatever these numbers mean.”

Ben chuckled, not bothering to look up from his phone. “What can I say? I’ve got layers, babe.”

You smiled, shifting a little to get more comfortable against him, your cheek pressed against his chest as you lazily traced the seams of his shirt. His breathing was steady beneath you, and his fingers continued their soothing path through your hair.

A quiet “Oh, woah... shoot,” broke the moment as Ben tapped at his phone screen.

You tilted your head slightly, looking up at him. “What?”

“They set up the Christmas lights drive-thru already,” he said, tilting the screen toward you so you could see an Instagram story of a mutual friend’s car rolling through a glowing tunnel of lights. Reds, greens, and golds blurred in the video, capturing the festive chaos of it all.

“That’s so cool,” you murmured, resting your chin on his chest to get a better look, eyes half-lidded.

Ben nudged you gently, his voice soft. “Yo, you with me?”

“I’m here,” you replied, smiling sleepily as you glanced up at him. “Barely, though. This head massage is putting me out.”

He smirked, locking his phone and tossing it onto the nightstand. “Well, stay with me for one more minute. Got an idea.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Oh no. Do I even want to know?”

“How about a late-night drive?” he asked, his tone light but his eyes earnest.

You blinked, the suggestion catching you off guard. “Now?”

Ben shrugged casually, but his smile grew. “Yeah. Just us. Fresh air, Christmas lights, good vibes.”

You hesitated, looking at him. “You just want an excuse to show off the G-Wagon, don’t you?”

“Maybe,” he admitted with a small laugh. “But mostly, I just wanna spend some time with you. Come onnn baby, what do you say?”

“Urgh, Ben,” you groaned, half-burying your face in his chest. “I don’t want to get dressed. It’s so cozy and warm in here.”

Ben chuckled, fingers still playing with your hair as he shifted slightly beneath you. “Then don’t,” he said simply.

You glanced up at him, skeptical. “What do you mean, don’t?”

“I mean exactly that. Stay like this. We’ll match in our PJs,” he said, grinning as if the thought was brilliant. “Just throw a coat on if you’re cold. You’ll still look cute, as always.”

You raised a brow. “You’re really not letting this go, huh?”

He smirked, brushing his thumb over your cheek. “Nope. Come on, my baby. Let’s go.”

With a resigned sigh, you rolled off him, and the two of you made your way downstairs. The house felt quieter now, with Lisa and Bryan the only other ones left at home. As you reached the bottom step, Bryan popped his head out from the living room, eyeing Ben like a hawk.

“Where you headed?” Bryan asked, leaning casually against the wall.

“Just for a quick drive,” Ben said, slipping his hand around your waist.

Bryan’s gaze softened as it flicked to you with a smile, and he nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips as he eyed the matching pjs. “Be safe. That’s precious cargo you’re carrying there.”

Ben smiled back, his grip on your waist tightening slightly. “Don’t worry. I’ll always take care of her. Always be my best for her.”

Bryan gave him a small nod of approval before retreating into the living room.

You tugged Ben’s arm, leading him toward the garage. “Precious cargo, huh?” you teased.

Ben smirked. “Well, he’s not wrong.”

When you stepped into the garage, Ben walked ahead to the car, unlocking the car with a beep, but then stopped and leaned with his back against it, his eyes soft as they settled on you, watching you tug one of his old zip-up hoodies onto your smaller frame.

“I’ve missed you,” he said, the words quiet but heavy.

You tilted your head, confused. “Ben, I’ve been right here.”

“Yeah, but not just you,” he clarified, his gaze dropping briefly before meeting yours again. “I miss being around just you.”

The sincerity in his voice made your chest tighten, and before you could respond, he stepped forward, wrapping his hands around your face, his thumbs brushing gently along your jawline. He kissed you then, slow and sweet, but there was a longing in it that made your knees weak. His lips moved against yours like he was trying to make up for lost time, and you melted into him, your hands clutching the soft fabric of his cotton shirt.

When he finally pulled away, his forehead rested against yours as his breath mingled with yours in the cool garage air. He lingered a moment, looking at you like he didn’t want to let you go, before finally opening the passenger door for you.

You smiled softly at him before you climbed into the passenger seat, and before you could even settle in, Ben leaned over again, his hand brushing your hoodie aside to sneak around your waist as he kissed you again. This one was deeper, more desperate, his lips moving fervently against yours as though he needed you to know how much you meant to him, pushing you against the headrest. Your hand instinctively cupped his face, and as you gently broke the kiss with a giggle, he leaned into your palm, his lashes fluttering closed. His lips pressed softly to the centre of your hand, and when he opened his eyes, there was nothing but tenderness in his gaze.

“I love you so, so much,” he murmured, the words low and reverent.

Your heart swelled, and you smiled, leaning in to kiss his cheek, mumbling an 'i-love-you' back before he finally straightened up and made his way to his seat.

As Ben buckled in and started the car, you glanced over at him, curious. “What was that second kiss for?”

Ben smirked, his eyes flicking toward you before focusing on reversing out of the driveway. “I just needed to, didn't get enough the first time. What, I can’t kiss my girlfriend now? ”

You rolled your eyes, but a soft smile tugged at your lips. “You can, but that one felt… different.”

“Different how?” he teased, his tone light but with an undercurrent of something more serious.

You shrugged, trying to put it into words. “I don’t know. Just felt… extra.”

He chuckled as he turned onto the main road, the faint hum of the heater filling the comfortable silence. “Maybe because it was,” he admitted after a beat. “Sometimes I just can’t help it. You make me want to kiss you all the time.”

Your cheeks warmed, and you glanced out the window to hide your grin.

The roads were clear, the snow from the past days now a mushy slush on the shoulders, but the air still carried that crisp, wintry bite. Ben drove at an easy pace, one hand on the wheel and the other resting on your thigh. He looked so at ease, but there was a spark in his eye like he was up to something.

As Ben guided the car onto quieter streets, the faint glow of Christmas lights decorated the houses you passed. Some were understated, a single wreath or a strand of lights framing the roofline. Others had gone all out, with inflatable Santas and elaborate displays synchronised to music. You leaned back in your seat, your eyes roaming over the decorations, while Ben’s voice became your personal tour guide.

“That house,” he said, pointing to a modest, single-story home with a lone string of flickering icicle lights, “that used to be one of the best on the block. I’m talking full-on winter wonderland. They had those old-school, oversized bulbs that looked like they’d burn your house down if they got too hot.” He chuckled softly, shaking his head. “Guess they’ve toned it down. Probably ran out of steam, time catches up to everyone.”

You tilted your head toward him. “Do you think that’s what happens when you grow up? Your holiday spirit just… fades?”

Ben shrugged, slowing the car as you approached another row of homes. “Maybe. Or maybe you just find different ways to celebrate. It’s still there; it just looks different, y'know?”

He glanced your way, and his lips quirked into a smile before continuing. “Or maybe you just need a reason to light it back up again.”

You smiled, rolling your eyes as warmth spread through you despite the coolness of the night.

As you moved down the road, Ben motioned toward a house with a swing set in the yard. “That’s where Emma and her friends used to set up their lemonade stand every summer.”

“Emma? Selling lemonade?” You grinned at the thought, already amused.

“Oh yeah,” Ben said, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “And bracelets. They were super into making those friendship bracelets, you know, the ones with the tiny beads and string? She’d make me buy them with my allowance.”

“Did you actually wear them?”

“Pfft, no...not really.” He laughed, tapping his thumb on the wheel. “I’d give her the money and then mysteriously ‘lose’ the bracelet by the next day. I wasn’t gonna walk around with a neon-pink bracelet that said ‘Best Bro.’ forever. She always threatened to never make me one ever again after we'd fight...I'd yell back 'Thank God! Hated it anyways'. But really they're all in a drawer somewhere in my room.”

You laughed, the mental image of a young Ben, begrudgingly supportive yet entirely uninterested, making your chest warm.

“She actually had this whole setup,” Ben continued. “Like a real little businesswoman. She made her friends call her the boss. Wouldn’t let them eat the lemon slices because it ‘cut into profits.’” He shook his head, his laugh deep and affectionate. “It was ridiculous.”

“And yet, you bought into it,” you teased.

“Hey, she’s my sister. What can I say?” Ben grinned, clearly enjoying the stroll down memory lane. “Doesn’t mean I’m not gonna clown her for it, though. It’s my job as her brother.”

The car crested a small hill, and the neighbourhood gave way to the outskirts of town. Ben pointed to a street corner where a chain pharmacy now stood. “That used to be a candy store,” he said, his voice softening with nostalgia.

“What kind of candy?” you asked, genuinely curious.

“All kinds,” he said, gesturing with one hand as he drove. “They had these huge jars of sour candy that would wreck your tongue if you ate too much. Hershey bars that were somehow fresher than the ones you get now, man I loved them bad. And they always had those peanut butter cups in seasonal shapes. Like, in December, it’d be Christmas trees. Emma and I would race to see who could finish one the fastest without choking.”

You grinned. “Let me guess, you won every time?”

“Obviously.” He shot you a smirk. “She’d get halfway through and start laughing, and then it was game over.”

The car slowed as Ben turned onto Main Street, the downtown area glowing softly under strings of lights that crisscrossed above. He nodded toward a retro-looking diner. “That’s where we used to hang out after school. Back when I didn’t have a license, I’d walk here with Emma and some of her friends. She’d order a massive milkshake every time, and she always made me drink the last bit because she’d get too full.”

“She sounds resourceful,” you said, amused.

“She’s something,” Ben replied, shaking his head with a fond laugh. “But yeah, we had good times there, Dad would sneak us there sometimes if Mom was workin' late or held up at work. Lots of bad decisions were made there, too. Like seeing who could eat the most fries dipped in a chocolate shake before feeling sick.”

“And again, you won, didn’t you?”

“Naturally,” he said again, feigning arrogance.

You leaned back in your seat, your smile lingering as Ben continued pointing out spots that had shaped his childhood: a tree where he once built a makeshift swing with friends, a now-closed theatre where he saw his first movie, a small patch of grass by the elementary school where he fell off his first bike.

With every story, you felt like you were stepping deeper into Ben’s world, seeing the layers of his past that made him who he was. It was simple, yet so intimate, and as the car rolled onward, you reached over to intertwine your fingers with his, giving his hand a small squeeze. He glanced your way, his smile warm and genuine, and you knew he felt the same.

The car’s soft hum filled the air as Ben took a smooth turn, guiding you onto the highway. The town lights dimmed behind you, replaced by stretches of open road and the occasional car passing by. You glanced over at him, the soft glow from the dashboard illuminating his profile, the strong line of his jaw, his hand relaxed on the wheel.

For a while, neither of you spoke. It wasn’t uncomfortable; it was the kind of quiet that felt natural, as though the moment didn’t need words. But then, Ben let out a soft exhale, like he’d been holding onto a thought that he wasn’t sure how to voice.

“You know,” he began, his tone easy but introspective, “I think I forgot what the holidays were supposed to feel like for a while.”

You tilted your head, watching him. “Go on...”

He shifted his grip on the wheel, his thumb tapping lightly against it. “I don’t know. It’s just… these past few years, I’d come home from tour or tournaments, and I’d be so worn out. The holidays just became this time to stop, to rest, to not think about anything. Which is fine, you know? But it was always just… quiet. A little… empty, I guess.”

You frowned slightly, your brows furrowing in concern, but Ben quickly glanced over and shook his head, giving you a soft smile.

“Not really in a bad way, babe,” he reassured. “It’s just that I think I stopped caring about the little stuff, like decorating or traditions. Like had no energy to do anything. Even the big stuff, like feeling excited about Christmas morning.”

He paused for a moment as if considering his words. “But having you here this year? I don’t know… it’s different. Better. It’s like I feel all that magic again. Like, when I see the tree or hear a Christmas song, I don’t just think about how it’s another thing to check off the list or somethin' to tolerate. I actually feel it.”

Your heart softened, and you squeezed his hand. “Oh, Ben…”

He smiled, glancing at you briefly before looking back at the road. “I’m serious. Having you here with my family, it’s like I’m a kid all over again. Like Santa’s real, and I’m trying to catch him in the act or something.”

You laughed lightly, the sound filling the car as you leaned closer to him.

“That’s so silly,” you teased, though your voice was tender.

“Maybe,” he admitted, a slight chuckle escaping him. “But it’s true. You make everything feel… fuller. Like, all those little things that used to seem like a chore, they’re exciting again.”

You looked out the window for a moment, watching the faint glimmers of lights from distant houses as the car sped along the highway, helping you blink back tears. The way Ben spoke, so honest and warm, wrapped around you like a blanket. You turned back to him, your smile soft.

“You’re really gonna make me cry on this drive, Ben,” you said, your voice half-teasing but thick with emotion.

Ben laughed, low and deep, shaking his head. “Hey, I’m just tellin' you the truth.”

He shifted slightly, stealing a glance at you again, his gaze lingering a little longer this time. “I just… I hope you know how much it means to me. You being here. It’s not just about the holidays, either. It’s everything. Like you came here to me. You make things feel lighter, like even the messiest, busiest days aren’t so bad if I know I get to come home to you.”

You swallowed hard, your throat tight with emotion. Reaching out, you gently placed your hand on his arm, feeling the warmth of him through the sleeve of his shirt. “I know, Ben. And I feel the same way.”

His lips quirked up in that small, crooked smile of his, the one that never failed to make your heart flutter. He gave your hand a quick squeeze where it rested on his arm.

“I don’t say it enough,” he murmured, his tone softer now. “I know I’m not the best with words, but I’m trying to get better. Because you deserve to hear it. You deserve to know how much you mean to me.”

The highway curved ahead, and Ben’s hands stayed steady on the wheel, but his voice carried all the weight of his feelings. “It’s just second nature, you know? Loving you. It’s like breathing, honestly babe.”

You blinked rapidly, trying to keep your composure as his words settled over you. The warmth of his sincerity was overwhelming but in the best way.

“Ben,” you whispered, your voice barely above a breath. “I don’t think you realise just how much you mean to me, too. You’re-”

He grinned, interrupting you with a quick laugh. “Careful, you’re about to get sappy on me, and I'm drivin'. Precious cargo, remember?”

You rolled your eyes, though you couldn’t hide the grin tugging at your lips. “Says the guy who just gave me a whole movie monologue.”

Ben laughed again, his head tilting back slightly as the sound filled the car. “Okay, fair. You win this one.”

The two of you fell into an easy silence again, the kind that only came when everything felt right. The road stretched ahead, and just as the first distant glow of the drive-thru light show came into view, Ben reached over and threaded his fingers through yours, holding on tightly.

“Hey,” he said, his tone quieter now but just as warm. “I won't say more but....thanks for coming along for the ride. In every sense.”

You smiled, leaning your head against the seat and squeezing his hand back. “Always, Ben. Always.”

Ben leaned over to kiss you, your lips lingering for a moment. His smile widened, and before you knew it, his hand left your thigh to playfully scruff up your hair.

“Ben!” you shrieked, batting at his arm as he laughed.

“What? I’m just showing some love!” he teased, his chuckle low and warm.

“You’re so annoying,” you said, smoothing down your hair, though your own laughter betrayed you.

Ben’s laughter softened into a smile as he let his hand drift to your cheek, cupping it tenderly. His thumb brushed over your skin, and despite still driving, he made the moment feel like it was just the two of you in the world.

“I love you so much,” he said, his voice deep and steady, his eyes flickering between you and the road up to the drive-thru.

Your heart squeezed, the weight of his words settling over you like a warm blanket. You placed your hand over his, holding it against your cheek. “I love you too, Ben,” you said, your voice soft but sure.

He gave your cheek a quick, affectionate squeeze before placing both hands back on the wheel, his smile lingering as the glow of the drive-thru lights began to grow brighter.

As you approached, the massive entrance to the light show came into full view. It was unlike anything you’d seen before, a distinctly Floridian take on Christmas, quirky and completely endearing.

The first thing to catch your eye was a giant glowing gator decked out in a Santa hat, lounging with a candy cane between its teeth. Next to it, animatronic palm trees were strung with twinkling green and gold lights, swaying side to side, their trunks wrapped in spiralling patterns. Instead of traditional snowflakes, neon orange slices were hanging from the branches, their vibrant colours popping against the dark sky.

“Okay, this is so Florida,” you said, grinning.

Ben laughed as he slowed the car to a crawl, taking in the scene with a mixture of amusement and appreciation. “Right? Gotta love how we just lean into it.”

Further down, a massive glowing sun-wearing sunglasses and a Santa hat loomed over the pathway, its animated rays waving cheerily at passing cars. Beneath it, Santa was stretched out on a sunbed, sipping from a coconut with a tiny umbrella sticking out. The sign beside him read: “Merry and Bright, Sunshine Style!”

You couldn’t help but laugh, the sheer absurdity of it all tugging at your heart. “This is so ridiculous! I love it.”

“Ridiculous in the best way,” Ben agreed, his grin widening as he pointed out another display, a beach scene with reindeer building sandcastles, their antlers strung with Christmas lights.

“Look at those reindeer! They’ve got flip-flops on!” you said, your laughter bubbling up as you leaned forward to take it all in.

Ben chuckled, his eyes darting between the road and your delighted expression. “You’re loving this way too much,” he teased, though the way his voice softened gave him away.

The path curved through more displays: dolphins leaping out of a glittering blue ocean, flamingos in Santa suits, and even an orange tree with ornaments shaped like snowflakes. It was silly and over-the-top, but it was also so uniquely Floridian that it warmed you to the core.

“Whoever designed this deserves a raise,” you said as a giant neon Santa waved you through a glowing archway that read “Warm Wishes from the Sunshine State!”

Ben reached over to squeeze your hand again. “Glad I could share it with you. You’re making it even better, you know?”

You turned to him, your heart swelling at the sincerity in his voice. “You’re such a softie, Ben,” you said, but your smile gave you away.

“Only for you,” he said, his voice teasing but warm as he guided the car through the final stretch of the light show.

The two of you basked in the glow of the lights, the soft hum of holiday music playing faintly from one of the displays. It was quirky, silly, and completely charming, a perfect little moment shared just between you and Ben, the warmth of his presence making everything feel just right.

As the drive-thru came to its grand finale, the path opened into a small rest area where they sold hot chocolate and offered a “Meet Santa” experience. You and Ben pulled up to the window, where a man in a Santa suit leaned out to greet you, his red hat slightly askew.

“Merry Christmas!” Santa said, extending a gloved hand through the window.

“Merry Christmas!” you both chimed back, grinning like kids.

Ben shook Santa’s hand and, with a completely straight face, said, “Thanks for bringing her to me this year. Best present ever.”

You burst into laughter, covering your face as Santa chuckled warmly. “Well, you’ve been good this year, haven’t you?” Santa said.

Ben winked at you. “Oh, she keeps me in line.”

You rolled your eyes, still laughing as you took the hot chocolates handed to you through the window.

The drive home was quieter, the soft glow of the dashboard lights illuminating Ben’s face as he focused on the road, ready for the drive home. You sipped your hot chocolate, feeling the warmth seep through the cup and into your fingers.

“Tonight was perfect,” you said softly.

Ben glanced at you, his smile faint but genuine. “Yeah?”

You nodded and sighed contently as the car glided through the quiet night, the world outside a blur of soft lights and shadows. Inside, it was just the two of you, cocooned in the hum of the engine and the warmth of your joined hands. The earlier laughter and excitement of the drive-through light display still lingered, but now, a comfortable silence had settled. You glanced at Ben, his profile illuminated by the dashboard’s gentle glow, the curve of his lips softened in thought.

Then he spoke, his voice quiet and reflective. “I want this every year.”

You turned to him, your curiosity piqued. “What do you mean?”

He took a moment, his thumb brushing over your knuckles as he gathered his thoughts. “All of it,” he said earnestly. “The matching pyjamas, the silly late-night drives, baking disasters that somehow work out in the end. I want to look over at you smiling, even if it’s just because you think I’m being cheesy and annoying.”

A small laugh escaped you, but his words had already begun to stir something deep inside.

“I want you to meet all my friends and fit into every corner of my life, and see it too, y'know? I can’t wait for Christmas Eve when the rest of the family comes down from Atlanta, and man, I get to show you off to them, too. But more than anything…” His voice dipped, softer now, almost vulnerable. “I just want you here. By me. Every time, all the time. Now, next year, and every year after that -hell, every day.”

Your heart swelled at his words, a lump forming in your throat as you tried to process the depth of what he was saying. He hesitated, casting a quick glance at you before focusing back on the road. “I know it’s still soon, and I don’t want to rush anything. But you mean so much to me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and it’s not something I take lightly.”

You didn’t trust your voice just yet, overwhelmed by the honesty and vulnerability in his tone. Instead, you lifted his hand to your shaky lips, pressing a tender kiss to his knuckles. His gaze flicked to you briefly, and you caught the boyish grin that always made your heart flutter.

“Ben,” you finally managed, your voice soft and steady, “you have no idea how much that means to me. Being here, being with you and your family, it feels like I’ve found something I didn’t even know I was missing.”

He gave your hand a gentle squeeze, his smile deepening.

“And your mom adding me to the family group chat?” you added with a laugh. “That might’ve been the highlight of my month. It’s such a small thing, but it made me feel like I belong. I’ve never had anything like this before, Ben. And I just… I love you so much. Being here with you, with all of you, it’s the best thing I’ve ever known.”

His grip on the wheel tightened slightly as he glanced at you, his gaze soft but intense. “I love you, you don’t even know how much. every day, I feel like I can’t love you more, and then… I do. you make everything better, babe. I can’t wait to see where this goes, our future. I know what I want, and that’s you. Now, later, always.”

You reached over, placing your hand on his thigh as your own emotions bubbled to the surface. “You don’t have to wait, Ben,” you said quietly. “I’m already here. I’m not going anywhere.”

The smile he gave you then was brighter than any Christmas light you’d seen all night. When you finally pulled into the driveway, the house quiet and dark, you both lingered in the car for a moment, soaking in the magic of the night.

As you leaned against him, you couldn’t help but feel like this was the start of something beautiful, a foundation not just for the holidays, but for everything yet to come.

[dantelionwishes]

life is full of ups and downs downs downs downs dow

loredump under the cut. not kidding when I say its gonna be long!

oh shit you actually clicked keep reading thank you for your interest 😭😭😭

YOU KNOW THE DRILL tw // suggestive dont read ahead if youre uncomfortable with the topic of aphrodisiacs! 

MIDDLE SCHOOL 

before anything, I gotta explain he was born to parents who had an infatuation quirk (makes them hardcore fall in love with you) and an infection quirk (transmits a virus via saliva)  

developed his quirk late, since they usually get it by the time kids are four 

most people knew him as quirkless before the first incident 

in middle school, his class was preparing for a school play, he and his classmate got cast as the main lead prince and princess 

coincidentally, they both had a crush on each other and had a scene where they kissed

technically they weren’t supposed to, since its just a play, but one time they were practicing in private and wanted to try kissing “for real”

so they shared a super giggly cute middle school first kiss but well UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM HIS QUIRK HAD WELL DEVELOPED– 

BADABING BADABOOM YOU HAVE AN IMAGINATION USE IT

the only way for the quirk’s effects to go away is to come at least once or pleasuring yourself until it goes away

I DO NOT WANT TO IMAGINE IT BUT. IMAGINE BEING A TEACHER AND FINDING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER AND AN ADULT IS FORCED TO TELL HER HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY LLLLIKE–

rip now that I’m thinking abt it, I don’t even think anybody would even kNOW HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY so lets imagine she painfully stays that way until they figure out how to make it stop :^(

there’s a big fight that happens between the teachers, principal, and parents of both parties 

of course the crush’s parents got mad and called their kid a fuckin uhhhhh sexual predator or some shit despite also beING THE SAME AGE AND NOT EVEN KNOWING ABT HIS OWN QUIRK LIKE HELLLO

obviously an incident like this is going to spread like wildfire but the principal does not want something like this to leak, especially since it was not on purpose and was a total accident 

the other kid’s parents and some teachers did not feel comfortable however, and sato was forced to drop out

but not wanting to spread the gossip about their son’s quirk and the incident, they leave the town and move someplace else

thankfully, the principal gives the sato family his good grades and a recommendation to a decent highschool for the trouble

they’re originally from osaka, but moved to tokyo 

this is where they start taking precautions with sato, basically teaching him to be careful with his saliva 

it was easily taught and learned esp since the mom was already like that around him and others everyday anyway!! she has to take care of her saliva-based infection quirk, after all 

HIGH SCHOOL

he got enrolled into a regular highschool in tokyo

no hero course, no support course, no business, just a regular ol’ school

if before, he loved surrounding himself with people, this was where he was forced to develop a lonely disposition to protect himself and others

at least his parents were very protective and supportive of him and they were generally a happy family!

but in school, pretending to be quirkless was just as difficult, getting bullied or pitied for having no special abilities 

his excuse for wearing a mask all the time was because his mother had a virus-related quirk, and had to be careful 

one day his dad was suddenly got really, really sick

the more he had an excuse to wear a mask because he didnt want to get whatever disease his father started to develop 

sato started thinking it could be his mother (but why?) the results didn’t say anything about an unknown virus killing him (which is his mom’s quirk), and that his father really did contract a strong yet very normal disease 

while on his second year in highschool, his father, yozo sato, died 

apparently, without him knowing anything about his parents, his mother, oba sato, was actually under the dad’s infatuation quirk this whole time

she realised she wasn’t really in love with him when oba had accidentally allowed a drop of her saliva to fall into the meal she was making him, making him sick, and therefore making him weak enough to deactivate his quirk on her 

oba, back in her college years, wanted to marry someone else but yozo, who had a crush on her wanted her to himself, used his quirk to make him fall in love with her 

so in revenge for making her put up with him all these years to the point of marriage and having a kid, she continued to do this to his food 

her quirk doesn’t make anybody sick enough to die, but it made her husband’s immune system weak enough to the point that it contracted a real, serious disease which he ended up dying from instead 

sato only finds out the real story when he graduates from highschool, days right after his graduation the mom confesses it all 

she does say she truly loves him, but can’t stay around him knowing he was technically “unconsensual love”

sato gets reminded of what his quirk does, and true enough, that’s what him and his quirk turned out to be (a sick combination of his mom and his dad) 

they cant bear to be around each other after that revelation and decide to just not see each other again 

COLLEGE YEARS

he enrolls into an education course, inspired by the kind principal who helped him finish his middleschool-highschool education when it all started going downhill 

sato struggles paying for his college fees esp since he doesn’t exactly have his parents supporting him anymore, nor any contact with immediate family 

he has a lot of part time jobs that go all around the clock, he continues pretending to be quirkless so he gets bullied, and has to deal with all that emotional baggage plus being alone so…….clearly my man is TIRED as hell 

his side job hustles include: convenience store cashier, bookstore attendant, bar bouncer, and rookie gym trainer (he went to the local gym long enough for him to get recommended a job as a trainer)

college was that point where he starts developing a hardcore yearning for a companion because oh my god hes so lonELY (but cant)

ANYWAY SO

there’s this bully guy who always picks on him in college (for being “quirkless” and a loner and overall a fuckin weirdo with a mask)

tbh sato doesnt really give a shit he’s so used to it but he doesnt have his mother as an excuse to wear the mask anymore, this is where he starts forming the “I have bad breath” excuse 

“口臭い” (kuchi kusai) translates to “bad breath” or “stinky mouth” so sato unlovingly gets nicknamed “kusato”

one day he’s walking around the campus at night and finds the bully with his gang cornering another quirkless student, with plans of assaulting her 

sato was never the hero type, and was about to ignore the commotion as to not get involved, but something in him moved on its own and he found himself face to face with the gang 

he confronts them, but the bully mocks both him and the girl for not having powers to stop them anyway 

SIKE BITCH sato’s able to easily strike the other two guys, knock them off their feet enough to be able to tug the to-be victim aside, telling her to report them, before asking her to run away as fast as she can

none of the guys want that (they’re all students) so they have a full on brawl (and this isnt hero academy, its a totally normal university so I wouldn’t assume these guys had very impressive quirks)

except the main bully actually has a pretty decent quirk (he’s like a kinda half human half dragon with sharp claws, scales, and dragon eyes) and gets to injure sato with his sharp claws, seriously injuring his face

a part of his ear is also sort of sliced off, which is how his mask gets accidentally removed in the process 

the dragon bully grabs him by the collar and starts angrily shouting at him for ruining his night, being able to do all this shit without a quirk and all and all other derogatory speech 

“Well? what do you have to say for yourself?!“ 

Sato stays silent before spitting right into the bully’s mouth 

The bully drops him immediately, about to angrily fuck him up for doing something super fucking gross but WHOOP WHOOP YOU KNOW WHATS BOUTTA HAPPEN the quirk works immediately and the bully is a TOTAL MESS on the ground 

Im going to TLDR this part cos its…obviously nsfw but like: sato fully embarrasses him in public (beside the bully’s two colleges nonetheless) 

sato stays in the hospital for some time to heal from his wounds 

fortunately, afterwards, the bullies all get expelled 

unfortunately for sato, he also gets expelled for engaging in bad behaviour, and the bully did say what happened to him (and the college principal did not want his…dangerous quirk on campus) so as to lower any incident, all four were expelled 

at least without having to pay for college fees anymore, he could fully focus on paying for food, shelter, and clothes 

minus of course the hospital bills needed to pay plus he got a sick ass scar from it anyway HAHAHAHA BSDJHJRHDHF

ADULT LIFE

he had a lot of jobs here and there, but was more or less doing best as a trainer at a local gym where people weren’t allowed to use their quirks and strengthen their body regularly 

a few years went by and he eventually shrugged off everything that happened in his final college years but one day someone familiar walked into the gym! It was the fellow college student he saved!!!

she became a policewoman who wanted to get stronger in this quirkless friendly gym and hadn’t given up on her dreams of being a “hero,” inspired by how sato saved her that day

sato never really saw himself as some hero, he was left many nights alone thinking about how easily he could become a villain with his quirk, so hearing that really made him happy 

he trains her as her gym coach and she eventually asks him to join her patrol this small part of the city from a gang that was currently going around doing crimes since he’s good at it anyway, saying she could use some extra hands hehe

so yeah!! he does this side gig with her where he patrols alongside her looking for gang crimes and such c:

AND ONE DAY. [WISTFUL SIGH] ONE DAY. HE FINDS SOMEBODY GETTING MUGGED BY A GANG MEMBER AND SAVES………A CERTAIN MAN–

thank you for reading all the way here!!!

feel free to ask for questions or for any clarifications 😭😭😭!!!!!!

[writethelifeyouwant]

Dive Bar Ch. 11/11 - Fin

Pairing: Dean x Sam

Rating: 18+

Summary: After a one night stand with a random college chick turns into a threesome that also featured his little brother, Dean- well, frankly, he panics. What’s even worse than gay panicking? Gay incest panicking. Luckily, Sam winds up being a little more cool about the whole thing than Dean ever would have imagined.

WC: 3,001

Tags: brother/brother incest, loss of anal virginity, anal sex, blow job, incest kink, dirty talk, top!sam, bottom!dean, happy ending - sue me 

Beta: @negans-lucille-tblr and @daydream3r-xo

Divider: @firefly-graphics ❤️

A/N: Okay I’m gonna do a separate post with a long sappy note so this post doesn’t become a mile long but TLDR - thank you for reading and coming with me on this wild ride 🥰

Fic Masterlist

Chapter 10

A few weeks later

Another hunt. Another drink. Another dive bar.

Sam killed his beer before Dean could even get his lips around his own, and once he saw Sam downing the drink, condensation running over his knuckles, his lips, down his throat– Dean didn’t care he had lost the game, he just wanted to lick the moisture off Sam’s neck.

“Take a picture,” Sam laughed when he noticed Dean’s staring, “it’ll last longer.” Dean dropped his gaze to his bottle and took a long swig. “Something on your mind?”

“Wh– nope, nothing,” Dean denied, seeing his beer off. “I’m buying right? You want the same?”

“Yeah, sure,” Sam looked suspicious, but let Dean go off to get their second round.

Dean grabbed the bartender’s attention and held up two fingers, pointing to the bottles he was returning, then dropped his head in his hands. God, he had to get himself under control. He couldn’t just zone out every time Sam did something that made him half hard in his jeans – he’d wind up getting them both killed at some point. It didn’t help that every time Sam had tried to fuck him, he’d chicken out the second he got another look at Sam’s dick. He needed to nut up and go through with it already. The bartender pushed new drinks at Dean, breaking him out of his reverie.

When he spun back towards Sam with their drinks, he saw a table of girls a few spots over from them making eyes at Sam, and he noticed one in particular looked exactly his type. She had those ‘come hither’ bedroom eyes, long hair you could wrap your hands up in, great boobs – This is perfect.

“You’ve got an admirer little bro,” Dean teased when he dropped the fresh bottle on the table in front of Sam. Sam glanced up and noticed the girl Dean was talking about, dropping his head behind his hair quickly. Dean caught her eye and gave her a wink before taking a draught of his beer and turning back to Sam.

“Stop being a jerk,” Sam shoved at Dean, “it’s not nice to lead people on.”

“What if I’m not?” Dean held his breath as he watched Sam’s face, unsure of how he was going to react to that.

“What are you asking me, Dean?” Sam fingered the label on his beer bottle – one of his nervous tics – and Dean realised he fucked that up.

“No! That’s – shit, that’s not what I meant. I meant like, what we did before, with Dany, we… y’know.” Dean fumbled through an explanation, but he saw Sam let out a breath and knew he was okay.

“You want to have another threesome?” Sam smirked, bemused, which was better than pissed so Dean was fine with that.

“Why not?” he shrugged, glancing back to the girl, who was still checking them both out, before focusing back on Sam. “We were pretty damn good at it the first time,” Dean grinned, pulling a huff from Sam.

“Yeah,” he shrugged, still smirking at Dean, “it was good.” Sam’s smirking was starting to unnerve Dean a little.

“And, y’know, the past couple weeks have been – awesome, really – but maybe we uh, spice things up again, huh?” Dean waited for Sam to chime in with something, maybe tell him what all the goddamn smirking was about.

“Already getting bored of me, Dean?” Sam’s smirk was actually becoming irritating, now.

“You know that’s not what I meant, stop being a bitch,” Dean grunted. Sam laughed to himself and took another drink. “So, what d’ya say, Sammy?” Dean waggled his brow, trying to draw an answer out of his brother. “Show another gal the time of her life?”

Sam could tell Dean was stalling. He’d been jumpy the past few times Sam had brought up having actual sexual intercourse – his cock in Dean’s ass – saying he wanted it, but not letting Sam go past fingering him open a little. And now Dean was finding another excuse to put it off, and Sam was getting desperate. It was time to give Dean a push off his cliff.

“We can do it again,” Sam nodded, rounding the table so he was behind Dean, and looking towards the girl he’d been pointing out. “But not just yet.”

“Hm?” Dean looked over his shoulder at Sam, puzzled. Sam bent over his big brother, bringing his lips close enough to his ear that he wouldn’t have to shout to be heard in the crowded bar.

“I don’t want anyone else fucking you before I get the chance to do it properly.” Sam felt Dean shiver against him. “Gonna let me fuck you, big brother?”

“Fuck,” Dean exhaled, trying to compose himself behind a swig of his drink.

“How much longer you gonna hold out on me?” Sam scraped his teeth along the back of Dean’s ear, pulling a whimper from him.

“You know what, fine,” Dean stood abruptly, knocking Sam off balance behind him. “You wanna do this? Let’s do this. Get in the car, Sam.”

Sam grinned triumphantly as he followed Dean out of the bar and out to the Impala, back to their motel room for the night.

-

Sam pushed Dean against the door the second it closed behind them. They were good at this part. He could take Dean apart with a few calculated bites along his neck and some very enthusiastic kissing, and Dean was becoming more and more comfortable letting himself be putty in Sam’s hands.

Not that Dean didn’t have the same effect on Sam. A short tug on his hair and Dean’s tongue between his lips and he would melt in his brother’s arms. Dean was a mind-blowing kisser.

Sam trailed his hands down Dean’s arms and grabbed his wrists, pulling him off the wall and towards the bed; still messy from the previous night. He sat Dean down on the mattress and stood back to strip off his shirts. He felt Dean’s hands at his belt undoing the buckle so he could pull his jeans down, and Sam kicked them off along with his boots. Dean went to unbutton his own shirt but Sam stopped him.

“Hey – I want to do that.” Dean gave him a confused sort of smile, but let Sam’s fingers cover his and take over stripping him out of his layers. He kissed Dean again, sucking on his lower lip and licking into his mouth, inhaling his every breath - consuming him. He dragged his fingers over every inch of skin that was revealed as he pulled off the flannel and then the t-shirt, kissing down his legs as he tugged him out of his jeans, before he had to kneel to unlace Dean’s boots. Dean propped himself up on his elbows to look down at Sam, still knelt at his feet.

“I know what you’re doing Sam, so you can quit it now,” Dean griped. “Stop treating me like some blushing virgin, I’m not a girl.” Sam grinned wolfishly and sprang back on the bed once he’d gotten Dean’s jeans off.

“No, you’re definitely not a girl,” he agreed, squeezing the bulge in Dean’s underwear and pulling a groan from his brother. “But I’m still gonna make you scream like one,” Sam breathed against Dean’s lips before he devoured them. “Gonna make you feel so good, Dean,” Sam groaned, pushing his hand into Dean’s briefs and grabbing hold of his length. “Love your cock so much, so hot,” Sam wasn’t sure what he was saying anymore, whatever popped into his head was going straight to his mouth without any filter, which wasn’t helped by the fact that Dean had gotten his hand inside Sam’s boxers and was jerking him off now too.

“God, wanted this for so long,” Sam moaned, sucking a bruise into the join between Dean’s shoulder and his throat. “Thought about fucking you so much,” Sam admitted, to hell with embarrassment at this point. “When I went home with that guy from the bar, I wanted it to be you. I thought about you when I was fucking him – said your name when I came inside him.”

“Jesus, Sammy,” Dean groaned, his mocking tone not disguising his arousal very well, “s’cute you’re so sweet on me.”

“Shut up,” Sam bit at Dean’s lip gently, “before I make you.”

“So then make me,” Dean growled, flipping them so Sam was below him and he could grind their erections together while he sucked his own mark into Sam’s skin. He dragged his lips down Sam’s chest, goal evident. Sam didn’t want to get too carried away, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want Dean’s mouth on him; blowjobs were a skill Dean had really been perfecting over the past few weeks.

Dean hummed happily when he got Sam’s cock in his mouth, and Sam relished the wet warmth that enveloped him, thrusting up into Dean involuntarily.

“Someone’s eager,” Dean chuckled before taking Sam back in his mouth.

“Someone’s being a tease,” Sam grunted, hauling himself up on his elbows so he could pull Dean off his dick and throw him onto his side on the bed. They kissed again, Dean wrapping his arms around Sam and getting his hands in his hair, like he knew Sam liked. Without breaking from the kiss, Sam grabbed for the lube that was still under the pillow from the previous night.

Dean was expecting what came next, and didn’t flinch when he felt Sam’s fingers trailing over his ass and dipping between his cheeks to find his entrance. Sam kept the touches light, teasing – soothing – until he felt Dean relax against him again.

“I want you to do it,” Sam breathed against his neck. Dean didn’t follow.

“Want me to do what?”

“Get yourself ready for me,” Sam elaborated, kissing along Dean’s neck. “Want you to finger yourself open for me.”

“Why?” Dean wasn’t necessarily opposed to the idea, but Sam had always been the one to do this part before.

“Because you’ll be able to feel when you’re ready, won’t be as nervous.” Sam kissed further down Dean’s chest, stopping to suck one of his nipples into his mouth, and pulling a gasp from Dean. “Plus, I think it would be hot,” he grinned up at Dean. “Want to see fucking yourself so good on your fingers that you’re begging for my cock.”

Dean felt his cock twitch against Sam’s hip, and he had to admit, when he said it like that, it did sound fucking incredible. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He grabbed the lube from Sam and turned over so he was on his knees, letting his shoulders drop to the mattress, his ass in the air.

“Fuck, you look hot like that,” Sam moaned. Dean could see Sam was touching himself as he watched and found that he liked putting on a bit of a show.

“You like watching me, Sammy?” Dean shivered as he pushed one slicked-up finger into himself. “Like thinkin’ ‘bout how much you wanna fuck me while you touch yourself?” He started to move his finger inside himself, in and out, searching… “Like thinkin’ about your big brother when you get off?” Dean moaned when his fingertip skirted by the spot he was trying to find.

“Fuck, yes,” Sam breathed, eyes fixed on Dean’s finger moving in and out of his ass. “Add another one, Dean.” Dean did as he was told and added a second finger, hissing at the stretch. “There you go.” Sam reached between his legs to play with Dean’s cock, and his hand felt so fucking good against his skin. That, coupled with the fact that Dean had managed to find the spot inside his ass Sam had shown him that made everything go fuzzy, Dean was pretty blissed out. “Think you can do one more for me?” Sam squeezed his fingers in a ring around the head of Dean’s cock, drawing another whimper from him.

Dean nodded and pulled his hand away to add more lube, and went back to his hole with three fingers. He pressed at his entrance slowly, testing the give, and found that when he finally pushed his fingers inside, he loved how full he felt, and he loved the small tingle of pain that was mixing with the overwhelming pleasure.

“Fuck.” Pumping his fingers into himself faster, Dean groaned wantonly, unreserved, relaxing into the feeling of being stretched so open.

“Think you’re ready?” Sam asked, obviously hopeful.

“Yeah,” Dean gasped, “yeah, Sam, want you. Please.” He let himself sag to the bed and rolled over onto his back. Sam kissed him shortly and pulled back, searching his eyes for one last okay, before Dean felt the tip of Sam’s cock pressing against his entrance.

When Sam pushed inside of him, Dean’s whole world whited out. He was bigger than the fingers he had been working himself with, and so fucking hard, but Dean loved every second of it. He couldn’t believe he’d made Sam wait to do this for so long.

“Oh my god, Sam, fuck -“ Dean panted.

“Told ya I’d make you feel good,” Sam groaned, pushing in a little more. “You’re doing so good, De, taking me so fucking good, so fucking tight.”

“Goddamn, you really never shut up, do ya Sammy?”

“Sorry,” Sam ducked his head into Dean’s neck, embarrassed.

“No, hey,” Dean pulled Sam back up to face him. “S’okay little brother. I, uh – I kinda like it.”

“Yeah?” Sam’s grin was unsure, but relieved.

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, kissing along the column of Sam’s neck, sucking the skin between his lips to leave another mark. “Never would have thought you’d be so good at dirty talk.”

“That’s not the only thing I’m good at,” Sam smirked, and pressed the last inch of himself inside Dean, pulling a muffled ‘fuck’ from Dean. “You still good?” Sam checked.

“So good,” Dean moaned, pressing his hips back into Sam’s, like he was hoping to fuse the two of them together permanently.

“Can I move yet, or do you need a minute?” Sam asked.

“Would you just shut up and fuck me alrea –” Dean’s gripe was cut off abruptly by a moan when Sam pulled his hips back and slammed home again. Dean couldn’t get too many words out after that – the pleasure thrumming through his body had short circuited his brain. All he could think about, all he could feel, was Sam’s cock moving inside of him. The hot drag of Sam’s flesh against his was intoxicating, and he felt himself fucking his hips back up into Sam’s without necessarily deciding to do that.

“Shit, that’s it baby,” Sam hissed through gritted teeth, picking up the pace of his thrusts. “Feel so good Dean.” Dean could barely manage a whimper in acknowledgement. Sam leaned back on his heels to get better leverage, moving Dean’s ankles to his shoulders, and on the next thrust in he found Dean’s prostate, which Dean’s choked whine made very clear. “There we go,” Sam grinned down at him. “Bet you're glad I didn’t let you go home with that girl now, huh? No girl could ever make you feel like this, could they?”

“No,” Dean admitted. “Fuck no.” And it was true. Sex had never felt this intense before, this all-consuming, this nerve-frying. Sam hadn’t even touched his cock since he’d pushed inside him and he was already so fucking close to losing it. And he knew Sam could tell, too.

“You gonna cum for me, big brother?” Sam started fucking into him even harder, quicker. “Gonna cum with your little brother’s cock inside you?” Dean thought he nodded, but to be honest, he couldn’t be sure. “Good,” Sam groaned, “because I am so fucking close.”

Dean reached up to pull Sam back down to him. He wanted every inch of his body covered by Sam’s, wanted to drown under him. They kissed fiercely, tongues tangling and teeth clacking against each other as Sam fucked him faster and faster. The sweat coating their bodies made for an easy slide of Sam’s stomach against Dean’s cock and that extra bit of pressure was exactly what he needed to finally spiral out of control. He came noiselessly, any sound he might have made dying in his throat as every muscle in his body seized up. Thick white spurts caught against the hair on their chests, smearing between them.

“Holy shit,” Sam gasped as he suddenly ceased his frantic pace and froze, cock buried inside of Dean as deep as it could go. “Fuck,” Sam’s whimper was barely audible, but it was there. Dean’s hands absentmindedly combed through Sam’s hair as they both calmed down their breathing, soothing his little brother like he’d always tried to do, even though, given the circumstances, it probably should have been the other way around right now.

Eventually, Sam pulled out carefully and flopped down on the vacant side of the mattress. Dean dragged the crumpled sheet from the foot of the bed and wiped over his chest, then over Sam’s, to get the cum off before it dried too badly, before dropping back against the pillows and rolling into Sam’s side. He felt Sam startle for a moment before pulling Dean against him, arm curling around his shoulder.

“Hey, you okay, man?” Sam’s voice was soft, like he was worried he would scare Dean off.

“Yeah,” Dean considered, “yeah, I’m good, brother.”

“Not too disappointed I didn’t let that blonde come back with us?”

Dean laughed. “No, Sammy, not disappointed.”

“What if I said that … I thought that – maybe – I wanted you all to myself from now on?” Sam’s eyes caught his, hesitant.

“I’d say…” Dean let sharp exhale and a short laugh. “I’d say, it’s always been you and me. And I’ve never needed anyone else.”

Sam beamed down at him. “Good enough for me.”

Tags: @vulgar-library @tintentrinkerin @negans-lucille-tblr @fandomfic-galore @petitgateau911 @whoreforackles @schaefchenherde @kickingitwithkirk @little-diable @delightfullykrispypeach @hawkerz12 @dylansbabygirl24 @mineshinamary @popsensationnicole23 @spn-problems @donthateme454 @doyouknowsamw @peridottea91​ @delightfulbakeryaliendeputy @fictionallemons @natastic @marvelfansworld @half-closeted-bi-girl @je-ai-de-la-amour-pour-dean @kiss-my-peachy-arse @tftumblin @alice101macwil @disneysloot @caitlinvd @crashlyrose @miufel @itsthedoctah10 @leftlokiofpuppy @devilsbbyy @austin-winchester67 @spnobsessed50

[thebigqueer]

hiii! could you write a fic/headcanons of leo, nico and will. i had no idea that was a ship until recently and i love it!!! and i want to read how they get together. in my mind solangelo is already dating (bc leo is in no condition to date after canon) and after leo comes back (after toa5) they became friends and eventually they confess to leo (when he already got over calypso and is better emotionally y'know?). no pressure if you don't feel like writing this tho :)))

hhhh anon im sorry i absolutely would love to write this for you into like an actual fic but it takes me a long time to write fics :(

but! i can def give you headcanons! after all they’re like fics but in outline form and much less grammatically correct! but if i do make a fanfic, i’ll be sure to post it. maybe you’ll like it! can’t make any promises i’d write it anytime soon though cuz i have a few more projects on the line but you know... i’m def considering making one after everything i’ve written in this post...

okay exactly yes i totally agree that leo only gets with them after he’s emotionally stable & after toa5

this is straying from soldezangelo a little but i made a post here about what i personally think should have happened w/ leo’s ending in HoO, if you’re interested in reading it. i’m gonna make the following bullet points based on that

but tldr: i’m just basically saying that i wish caleo ended up leaving ogygia as friends so that leo didn’t get that forced romance on him

so he stays at the waystation for a while with calypso (only as friends; like they’re staying there and are really adorable friends) and all the while he’s really thinking only about himself and his well-being. he goes back to high school and keeps up with that project he’s doing w/ other kids and giving them opportunities to make things (GOD THAT WAS SO CUTE)

then leo decides that maybe for the winter, he’ll go back for a trip (i also hc that piper and percy and annabeth go to chb for the same winter so that some of the seven see each other!)

there, he meets will and nico, but i think mostly he’s interested in talking w/ nico. so they talk a lot. nico expresses how angry they were for leo dying like that and scaring everyone, and leo says he’s sorry but he had to. i think this also provides nico and leo the perfect opportunity to talk about jason, since they were both really good friends with him. and nico also understands that it was leo’s decision and his sacrifice. but they also talk about how leo’s sacrifice kind of... felt weird. since in the end, they still lost the storm but the fire lived on (ehehhehe idk if that made sense but i was tryna be smart lakjsdlfkj) 

i think that opportunity ultimately provides nico and leo to get along a LOT better with each other, and they both realize that they actually have been through a lot of similar feelings. by which i mean theyre both so fuckin mentally unstable and they relate to one another.

nico talks about how he’s been in a relationship with will for a while, and leo’s happy for him, really. but i think a small part of him is jealous, too. not because “oh god here’s another couple im supposed to worry about after ive just started getting over this ingrained idea of needing romance to solve all my issues and feeling like i belong,” but more because i think leo’s always been a little attracted to nico since they were on the argo II with each other. i don’t think he ever acted on those feelings, especially since a lot of the people on that ship were more judgmental towards nico and he probably felt like he had to be as well (by the way, none of this is an excuse to leo’s treatment of nico, or, by extension, an excuse for anyone’s treatment of nico on the argo II.)

leo apologizes to nico about how he treated him, and nico smiles and tells him it’s fine. like, nico has had his own bout of personal growth as well, especially in the past year. he doesn’t - and won’t - forget how people treated him, but now he’s learning to just let it go, in a sense. 

and i think this is when leo and nico kind of develop underlying feelings for each other. 

leo and nico probably hang out a lot, but will also joins becuase he’s nico’s boyfriend, and nico loves to have him tag along. so i think leo feels a little intimidated by will, like “damn my crush is really just bringing along their boyfriend huh??” 

and leo’s like. so jealous. like “ugh why does this hot golden ray of sunshine have to ruin everything. why is he always around. he’s so fucking distracting. like hello i’m trying to simp for nico but he’s so gorgeous for the both of us.” and then it hits leo that oh wait oh fuck he actually likes both of them and that “intimidation” he was feeling was mostly just him being attracted LMAO

leo and will get a bit closer through nico, and then i think the two of them are like very joke-y with each other, and they totally connect with each other about texas and being absolute fucking NERDS (since they are both canonically absolute dumbass nerds HSDHFSLFKDJ)

and leo’s struck with how cute he is omG 

and then nico’s like “wow they’re both so glowy aslkdjffdj HHHHH” 

and then will’s like “damn they’re both so dark and mysterious” 

and also not to mention they all totally relate about mental illnesses, abandonment issues, and the like. i mean, after everything that’s happened to all three of them (since will has been through like two wars, has lost two brothers, and has probably lost a lot of lives and feels guilty for it) they probably really relate to each other about always feeling... this dark uncomfortableness inside them. a void. they get really deep about mental health, and i think nico actually suggests to both of them that they should all talk to dionysus, just like he does (because, as we all fucking know, love cannot fix mental health and it doesn’t matter how much they’re all attracted to each other, they will not cure each other just because they’re in love) 

i think somewhere in the relationship between will and nico, a tension starts to build up a little. they’re not really sure how to exactly deal with teh fact that they like leo (and neither of them actually admits it to the other because they like the other as well and they really are not in the mood for a “”””love triangle”””)

but the funny thing is, they probably all talk about it with dionysus in their separate times. and Mr. D is just. he’s so done. 

SLKDJFKLSDHFLJSDKFSDKJFSFDLJK - Mr. D falling asleep at night thinking about this soldezangelo thing because he thinks it’s really funny that they all like each other but don’t wanna admit it

he totally suggests that nico and will talk about it together, and after lots of hesitation, will is probably the first one to come outright and say that he likes leo as well. and nico’s like “OMG WHAT ME TOO. like i really like you but i also really like leo...”

so they’re both actually really relieved, because they didn’t really want to break up with each other but they didn’t really want to keep lying to each other, either. 

and they tell leo, and then leo’s so happy because lKJSDFJLSLDFK YALL I LIKED YOU FOR THE LONGEST TIME

and bada-bing, bada-boom, ya got yourself a little soldezangelo!!!! 

i hope you liked that!!! i’m actually tempted to make this into a fic now, but since it’s already in headcanon form is there a point? hmm... imma think on this though. thank you SO MUCH for the ask!!!

[pray4jensen]

hey i’m gonna stay on anon bc i don’t want that person to be able to claim ‘oh no that’s a lie’ but this person who made that fake article claimed to not really know how this would go over and also that cockles bloggers are weird and uh. i have a pretty well known cockles blog and they follow me. so. maybe it’s to make fun of me idk could be but at the VERY least they Know

oh mann yeah where to even begin oh boy,,,,,,i guess let’s just break it down, shall we??

other ppl have kindly informed me of the strange FAQ that this person’s written on their blog attempting to validate their shitty actions, but it’s a long list of what seems to be insults and non-apologies and vague-blogging about various asks i’ve answered on my blog which is weird because i literally blocked them as soon as i saw their fake post so clearly they’re still popping up here by other means ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like this person is capable of owning up to their actions and they have really poor excuses for everything they’ve done. they claim they can’t be ableist because they’re neurodivergent, and claim their actions can’t be hurtful to the queer community because they’re bisexual. they also say their actions couldn’t hurt the individual in question that they made a fake coming out post about because jensen apparently doesn’t use social media so it doesn’t matter if they’re out there slandering him because as long as everybody but him sees it, it’s totally okay. 

i don’t even have the energy to explain how super yikes this reasoning is. 

another fun thing they do to justify their actions is by talking about how great they are by mentioning how ‘ridiculously large’ (their exact words) that their follower count is and how ‘it’s not deflating any time soon’ which is always a great way to show one’s humility if your name is donald trump. unfortunately, since their presence was virtually unknown in this fandom just six months prior, the likelihood that they have a ‘ridiculously large’ amount of followers is slim to none. they also take time to answer every FAQ question with a mention of how weird cockles shippers are which shows how mature they definitely are and how well-versed they are in the concept of being respectful of other people’s fictional ships and interests.

lastly, they say they think their post is still funny and not harmful, and that they’re not backtracking. that must be really true considering a mutual just informed me that they just changed their url back to virginalbehemoth, no doubt hoping to hide from the consequences of their shitty actions. they also made sure replies for their FAQ are turned off so that no one can point out exactly how poorly worded their answers are.

tldr: they definitely got a lot of backlash and they definitely know they made a mistake, but instead of being a decent human being by acknowledging their actions and issuing a proper respectful apology, they’ve instead chosen to belittle anyone who approaches them with valid concerns which only continues to highlight how horrible their original post truly was 

[braindeadforiwa]

I hope it’s alright to send in another request, I just adored the last ones! Thank you so much again. If it’s okay could I request headcannons of Kenma and Tsukishima reacting to their sassy but shy s/o that has a pear shaped body (Itty bitty titty committee 😔) being embarrassed but trying to ask to take their relationship to the next step with having her first time with them?

i’m always happy to fill a request i’m glad you liked the last ones 😊😊 i couldn’t quite fit in an explicit mention of reader having a bear-shaped body, i’m so sorry!! if you want me to do separate headcanons regarding that please let me know

Tsukishima

so when this convo occurs with tsuki the two of you are on the couch together watching a movie, just trying to pass the time

honestly this is one of your main bonding activities: watching movies and picking them apart, making fun of them where you can (it’s particularly enjoyable to do with horror movies bc you two can make fun of the characters)

tsuki was seated with his legs propped up on the coffee table while you were cuddled into his side, his arm draped along the back of the couch behind you

you’re about halfway through the movie, but to be quite honest you hadn’t been paying much attention to it -- your thoughts have been preoccupied with something a little more pressing

for the past week you’d been thinking of talking to tsuki about making your relationship more physical

the main problem was that you just...weren’t sure how to bring that up

just dropping the bomb and saying “hey i wanna fuck” wasn’t exactly as tactful as you wanted to be with this particular topic

what was bothering you more though was how obsessed you were becoming with how to approach the topic

it was usually pretty damn easy to talk to tsuki about things because you knew that he approached problems from a very objective perspective (at least when it came to problems that weren’t his own)

tsuki, ever the perceptive man, has noticed your distracted mind since the beginning of the movie

originally he wasn’t going to say anything but at this point he can basically see steam coming out of your ears with how hard your thinking

he doesn’t take his eyes off the screen when he says “oi, what’s the matter? you’re gonna get wrinkles if you keep frowning like that”

“you’re one to talk,” you say. “i’m pretty sure most days days of the year you’re frowning”

tsuki just responds with a tsk

a few more minutes pass and this time tsuki’s voice is a little more gentle, though his eyes are still trained on the tv

“you can talk to me if you need to”

you pause before deciding to bite the bullet and ask “would you...i mean- do you wanna have sex?” your cheeks are burning hotter than the sun once the words are out of your mouth

tsuki’s head turns so fast you’re worried he’ll get whiplash

“huh???...like right now?”

“no not right now!...well i mean maybe right now? if you wanted to that is. i mean i’m not opposed to the idea. actually ya know what forget i asked”

the words tumble out a mile a minute, and you’re about to continue when tsuki cuts you off with a not-so-gentle kiss

“are you gonna keep talking or can we get started?”

Kenma

you’re laying on the floor, eyes glued to the ceiling as you mull over what you want to say for the thousandth time that afternoon

"i’ll just ask before bed while we’re both doing our own thing,” you into the empty room

“what’ll you ask?”

your soul leaves your body for a moment as kenma comes to stand over you, blocking your view of the white expanse of a ceiling above you

kenma was supposed to be out with kuroo until late tonight; that’s usually how it went when kuroo was able to come out to visit you guys for a few days

tldr kenma was back earlier than he should’ve been and now you had to come up with an excuse

or......maybe you should just rip the bandaid off now?

“you look kind of pale...are you okay?” kenma’s voice snaps you back to the present easily enough

you sit up, looking up at kenma from your spot on the floor and take a deep breath okay just rip the bandaid off y/n it’s fine you’ll be fine you’ll be fine you think to yourself

“would you, um....i was wondering if maybe...” your cheeks were heating and you hadn’t even gotten the question out yet. you look off to the side so you don’t have to face him as you huff out all at once “i was wondering if you wanted to take make our relationship more physical”

kenma’s quiet for a while before you hear him hum and say “cute” his features as calm as ever

you jerk your head up to look at him, eyebrows drawn together as you say indignantly “what do you mean cute???”

he squats down in front of you so you’re eye level when he replies

“i’m just not use to seeing you so flustered,” he says calmly. “it’s cute”

you’re at a loss for words, largely in part because he seems to unbothered by the question. maybe he didn’t understand what you were implying?

you were about to try and clarify (you could feel your cheeks heating up again) when kenma spoke again

“well i’m not against it” 

you were about to start cursing kenma’s impassivity (how does he remain so unbothered all the time?) when he spoke again

“plus sleeping with you means i’ll probably get to see you flustered again”

you nearly choked on your breath while his features split into a grin

maybe that’s on you for forgetting kenma could be sly as a fox when he wanted to

[cuefog]

tog/khunbam fic rec

this is for @cannottranslate​ because you asked for it and i am grateful for the excuse to make a fic rec post

i expect this will be a long post so i’ll put it under read ↓ 

i’ll be leaving my own thoughts and comments under each fic (im sorry in advance for rambling too much)!! if you want the full summary and other info please click on the link provided lol

!!webtoon spoilers beware!!

♡ = one of my favourites

canon timeline

(these will be the ones that are set in the canon world and follow major plot events, even if there some changes in the details and relationships)

♡ deep sea blue by Feyren ♡

please read everything written by feyren!!!! lovely prose, wonderfully written khunbam emotional tension. khun braiding his beautiful hair accompanied by symbolism and perfectly crafted metaphor. bonus earrings.

♡ hollow moons by NoteInABottle ♡

please also read everything by noteinabottle!! equally lovely prose, wonderfully written khunbam emotional tension. khun wearing earrings and giving them to bam, accompanied by lots of symbolism and perfectly crafted metaphor. you could probably consider this a companion fic to feyren’s deep sea blue. both of these fics gave me a Thing for khun’s earrings (>_<;)``

take my hand (take my whole life too) by RadiantAshe

our dear ashe has written lots of great stuff but i think this is my favourite!! so much khunbam softness, very classic s3 vibes <33

Chestnuts at Nighttime by khunfounded (ongoing)

khun with a cat who loves him very much, and vice versa. that’s all the explanation you need. this fic overloads my heart with cute soft fluffy feelings!!! (bonus khun and bam dolls with little hands made of velcro so they can hold each other’s hands (ʘ‿ʘ✿) please i can’t take any more of this, somebody help my heart is gonna explode)

a thousand paths to you by LiannaAila

set during the time of khun’s coma. bam travels to a parallel universe and meets an alive and awake khun. this fic is exactly what it says it is and it’s so lovely <3

oh no he’s hot (and other earth-shattering revelations) by Bird_of_Dreams

tldr; bam being thirsty over khun

khun aguero agnis and his growing competency kink by chuuyaya

tldr; khun being thirsty over bam

motion by smokeandwaves (rated Explicit)

set during hell train, khunbam focused. this one is really popular in the fandom!! it’s well written, and if you consider smut a genre i would say this is the best one in the tog tag. lots of emotions, and a wonderful flow of feeling!! also it has a few sequel fics in the series, ‘obedience’ in particular being all about sub!khun,, which is,, (*ﾉωﾉ)

sometimes when i look into your eyes i pretend you're mine by agueros (minamis)

residents of the tower ship jue viole grace and khun aguero agnis and write fanfiction about them (i love these types of fics lmao)

From: Khun by AngrySheepProject  and To you who lies with my heart under the sea by Strawbellie666 (ongoing)

khun messaging bam’s pocket when he thought he was dead in s2

canon divergence + future canonverse

(future fics means it’s set in the future of the current canon, which at the nest arc rn)

♡ A World Without You by Breaking_Formation ♡

this one might be my favourite out of all of them. i know it says major character death but it happens in the beginning and there’s a promised happy ending so don’t worry!!! this one is a beautiful 20k word masterpiece.... seriously..... this fic is set after the nest arc, it has lots of Plot and plays around with the world and the lore of the Tower, so it’s already fascinating that way, but the real heart of the story is in the emotions!! if you love witnessing khun’s endless devotion to bam, this is the fic that shows you that devotion reflected right back at khun. it might bring you to tears :’)

♡ Our Hearts Are Made of Stars by Ruinous ♡ (ongoing)

out of the 5 or so other time travel au fics in the tog fandom, this one is definitely my favourite!! time travel aus are all super fun to read, but this one stood out to me especially because it hits all the right spots!! it’s written well and i love the level of foresight, and the emotions detailed into this, it really feels like the friendships and bonds are at the heart of this story and all the fighting stuff will turn out just fine, and everything will be ok :)

♡ enough by Feyren ♡

future fic, set in a cocktail party on the 87th floor. this is so well written!!!!! again, please just read everything written by feyren. the prose is wonderful and everything going on in this fic feels so well-crafted and carefully executed with just the right amount of subtlety in all the emotions. i think it’s gorgeous.

fire and ice by soundscape (ongoing)

set vaguely in the future. still ongoing, and the story feels like it’s just started, but very intriguing plot!! premise is people trying to separate khun from bam + the team trying to deal with shady fug plots

dig down deep by milkywxy (ongoing)

this one is a plotty one!! diverges from canon at the hidden floor arc. bam decides not to let rachel go with them. im super interested to see where this story goes!!

where the current leaves us by macrauchenia (ongoing)

this one is a Plotty one, still in the early stages of plot development but the premise is super interesting!! basically khun takes bam’s place in the bubble with rachel, during the administrator’s test on the 2nd floor. i’m excited to see where this story goes :D

special mentions for “bam climbs the tower” remix concept fics that you might like to check out (this is for you dango, since you said you like togverse canon divergence :D)

Moonlight by Shadow_to_rant (ongoing, khun meets bam in cave instead of rachel)

Timeless Existence by Jazebeth (Barrattiel) (ongoing, time travel au series)

Second Chance by Shadow_to_rant (ongoing, time travel au)

Never Let You Go by eternus (ongoing, time travel au)

Il Principe by euludey (ongoing, bam with different backstory/origins)

Night Never Falls by TripleTurtles (ongoing, au where rachel doesn’t succeed at pushing bam off the bubble on the 2nd floor)

Child of Arlene by MoodleNoodle (ongoing, bam is adopted by jahad before canon timeline)

au

♡ the king and his lionheart by chuuyaya ♡

khunbam royalty au with bam as king, khun as a genius war strategist. bonus pda in front of a whole courtroom. what more could you want?? this was soooo satisfying to read, i enjoyed it a lot :D (please also check out chuuyaya’s other fics if you like khunbam aus!!)

if there's anything in this life ive been waiting for (its you) by trueaguero (ongoing)

fascinating au where everyone is outside the tower and the tower is part of history. perhaps you could call this a “post-tower au” ?

if my heart was a house by The_Winged_Warrior

very cute magical fantasy au!! khun runs a potion shop and bam is an adventurer

aus are pretty self explanatory so i’ll put the rest in a list:

you are the magic in me by silverinerivers (ongoing, hogwarts au)

hope and legacy by chuuyaya (figure skating au)

♡ jump then fall (i'll catch you) by agueros (minamis) ♡ (figure skating au, consider it a prequel to ‘hope and legacy’, this is a beautiful 13k-word love letter to figure skating <3)

of social media and turtles by chuuyaya (celeb au with social media bits)

i am the last olympian by argenteas (percy jackson au)

who else is there to love but you? by khuns (college au, very soft pining!!)

Lucky coin by bothersomepotato (ongoing, college business majors au)

Greedy Turtles by Alien_ships (ongoing, on the surface it seems like just a pet shop au but there’s a lot of care and attention paid to the characters and relationship dynamics :D)

and i will come to you at every first snow by aguerobaam (khun is a magical doll in a toy store)

the heart heist by paused (ongoing, cyberpunk au)

khun special category

(it’s all about khun here)

♡ all the blue in the world won’t do, without you by NoteInABottle ♡ (ongoing)

multichapter fic set on khun eduan’s 111th floor!! if you’re too impatient to wait for the khun family arc, you should just read this fic. it’s still ongoing as of the time i made this post but it’s already looking to have all the elements i want out of a khun family arc. it’s written so so well too!! noteinabottle is one of my favourite tog authors :D

Brothers and sisters, I'm an atomic bomb by gleek_runner (ongoing series)

a wonderfully well written series of fics focusing on interactions between members of the khun family!!!! im just a sucker for the khun kids and im always starving for khun family content

He Wonders if He Still Breathes by Chocolatesandblood

khun and ran interactions!!

putting his resolve to the test. by soundscape

khun and hachuling interactions!!

Autumn Angel by XprincessxofxspadesX

khunbam meets maria and a series of complicated and fascinating interactions occurs. this was very nice to read ;w;

[whumpbby]

I finished typing and now I feel I have to preface it with a: this is all a monologue about Jedi and Force and Lucas’ inability to show the good story he wants to tell - just a warning. This is in no way meant to contradict the other post with that quote floating around or argue against it - just my own rambling coming to a conclusion I keep struggling with when it comes to SW universe and the ways it makes no sense to me and how I feel deep in my bones that Lucas is a crap storyteller.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don’t know why, but for all the interesting concepts Lucas talks about, Anakin’s fall never sat well with me. In time I came to the conclusion I would respond better if the Jedi culture surrounding it wasn’t so contradictory to itself.

And if he wasn’t so heavily leaning on the concept of the ‘pure love’ that is unconditional and undemanding and ‘unselfish’. Tldr: that love does not exist outside of poetry and romance dramas and imagination. Like every other emotion humans feel, love is conditional.

Take the first trilogy - I got that. The Jedi were largely missing and there was not much lore-wise, but the vibe it gave was measured and peaceful and mindful, and all the things that stood against the Empire - that represented the Dark Side in a very concise way. It wasn’t too nuanced, so we could buy it in this very simple ‘princes kidnapped b ya dragon’ story. This is as good as Lucas gets.

But then the prequels happened and Jedi became this weird, extremely specific, but conflicting idea. They are not supposed to take sides in politics - except when they do. They are not supposed to kill - except when they do, with freaking relish. They are not supposed to love or hate or allow emotions dictate their ways - oh, except when they do. And they can have sex - just not sex with someone they want to settle down with (oh boy, is that a signifier of a story written by a guy or what?). All seems to be ‘except when they do, as long as it can be adequately justified to make them look good’.

And I do have an issue with the idea of ‘Anakin was too old to join, he was already attached to his mother’ which is, when you think about it, is insane. Learning to control your emotions and letting go of your wants, Buddhist way, fine.

Aiming to train children to not be attached to their parents? What? How young a child has to be for that attachment forms? How is a meditation and repeating mantras going to help a 5-year old who is missing their mom at the temple? How do you even expect to train a child out of missing their mom??? How is it NOT better to get an older child that can reason above the instinctual and hardwired need for their mother? 

But let’s say Anakin’s attachment to his mother was ‘selfish’ from the beginning - but, that’s the thing, was it? Was it really? They were slaves and she was his only family, okay, obviously that made his attachment stronger and more layered than, say, a normal middle-class Coruscanti kid who could love their mom without constant fear that any day they can be separated forever by someone who didn’t give a shit. In that sense, yes, Anakin was desperately attached to his mom and afraid of loosing her - there was fear in him. Right, I’m there with you, Yoda.

But the movies show us that the way Jedi seem to approach these hard subjects is by not approaching them at all - oh, well, we can’t take him in. He had a difficult childhood and there are issues attached, get him out of here.

In a galaxy full of races and issues and the Force being tied to any and all creatures in any and all circumstances - this was the hard line Jedi were drawing. In essence, either only accepting kids young enough to not remember their parents (and I see absolutely no issues whatsoever that could happen here, nope) or with childhoods perfect enough not to have any issues whatsoever. Anyone else? Adults that discovered Force when they were older? Kids like Anakin with hard childhoods? Creatures that were either culturally or chemically wired differently enough that the tight reins Jedi held over their emotions weren’t possible for them? Nope. Go away. You are a bad person in the making.

If you spend a moment contemplating, you will realise this is such a white privileged guy way to think about it. And if you stick your head into the microwave for a couple seconds, you can almost understand how Lucas thought this is something profound and mystical.

No that I think about it... I always thought Sith were freaking clowns - their philosophy makes no sense, their ‘rule of two’ is hilarious, everything about them is just so badly designed and thought out, and who would ever decide to join of that creepy cult of their own volition? It made no sense!

But, as an answer to the egalitarian and contradictory ways of the Jedi - Sith make all the sense to exist. And let’s forget about the Light and Dark (that I don’t believe exist above the ways of personal emotional expression that in time trains the Force around a person in certain ways - like a person can train their brain in and out of anxiety ofr example), but focusing strictly on philosophy - yeah, being a Sith makes sense when any other way is barred form someone by no fault of their own. And barred with an excuse they are a bad seed anyway. 

“You fear/hate/desire hence you can’t access the Force with us” = “Well fuck you, then, I will access the Force in my own way, using these exact emotions!”

Like, Sith are clowns, but Jedi suck in their own very special way and their fall was just waiting to happen.

I get a strange feeling that Lucas created Jedi as a class of a warrior monk in DnD and then scrambled to create their enemies out of the simplest contradictions. Light-dark. Love-Hate. Peace-Fear. Etc. But because Jedi were so simple - once they started to gain popularity and he had to expand their lore and layer on the philosophy, he hit a wall. Or rather, the bottom of the kiddy pool. Because a ‘warrior monk’ is not an a ‘good’ class, but he wanted them to be mostly warriors, but also a force of good in the galaxy, because Star Wars is the same simple story repeated again and again with a new set of characters (regardless of how much fake politics is thrown in to obscure that fact) so this whole universe is basically built on giving Jedi reasons to fight and kill, and adequately justifying them. And then the Dark Side had to catch up by being more ridiculously evil at every turn - accidentally unmasking the way Jedi philosophy falls apart under closer scrutiny.

So like, to make a full circle, the one thing the prequels did well was to show Anakin’s fall (and I am not gonna argue, it was effective and he is a villain of this story) but they also presented - I think against the creator’s intention - why it was pretty much inevitable. Not because Palpatine was there to whisper poison, or because Force itself strived for ‘balance’ (even though the latter is a hilarious idea I love to contemplate) - but because Jedi, as presented in the movies-media around them, as a philosophy and way of life is inherently contradictory and unsustainable from the point of being a, well, a breathing, thinking being.  The ‘selfish love’ argument would work so much better if it wasn’t presented with an example of a kid who was born a slave and the people who saw it as a strike against his character, and did very little to address the specific issues that could arise from that before it was too late. 

Would it fucking kill them to let go of their strict training routine and ensure that his specific emotional needs were met? That Shimi was, I don’t know, NOT A SLAVE. They seem to interfere into politics just fine when need arises - but not when it’s a sandy planet in the ass-end of the universe no one cares about. Then no, we can’t liberate one slave. That would be acting in self-interest - not in the interest of not allowing one of the strongest members of out order to fall into the ruin we have forseen form the beginning. 

It would work better is if Anakin’s ‘selfishness’ was presented as his inability to let Padme leave him for someone else/just leave him - not to be unwilling to let her die.  

Think about it for a moment - he wasn’t presented with the idea of Padme leaving him. With the idea of his mother not loving him anymore. He was firmly and, form his point of view, believably, presented with the idea of both of them DYING. Which actually happened to his mom, solidifying the fear in his mind.

Yes, he was not meant to go on a rampage and kill the ones who killed Shimi - but wasn’t he? The Jedi are not against killing. Only killing in self-interest I guess - when self-interest is not one’s life and their political affiliation or their ‘job’ at hand, that is. Revenge is a no-no, but a military retaliation is a yes-go. Can’t kill anyone who wronged me - but I can kill those who wronged a person who gives me orders. How does that work within a Jedi doctrine? 

How, in good conscience, can you present this scenario, George, and then try to spin it into this big philosophical bullcrap about unselfish love????  Jedi murdered people over political squabbles - but I guess that’s okay because they weren’t invested??? And that’s better?!?!? George! What the fuck! You are such a bloke my head hurts!

In case of Anakin, Jedi were essentially Elsa’s parents. I pretty much despise Elsa and the film she crawled out of, and I personally don’t like Anakin as a character either, so this is not stanning in any way, but their issues scream ‘I was raised by well-meaning idiots’ and shows the level of botched storytelling I just can’t reconcile.

Which, you know what? 

Luke, who spent years studying Jedi ways and taking them into himself? 

I can believe than this Luke would try to kill his nephew at the barest whiff of the Dark Premonition instead of helping him manage his motions in a somewhat healthy way - that seems to be exactly what a real Jedi would do, after all. 

[janiedean]

Wait they fucked the SPN ending for Walker? How? And now the show is more conservative than the original, which was headlined by known conservative dumbass Chuck Norris? Ugh

tldr (I can attest in the sense that I did watch the very last episode and with everything I've seen until now...... it holds up)

basically from what it seems like they pushed so that the finale ep was sam focused so it would make ppl idk stick with jared and they didn't give dean time to shine or a basic excuse of a storyline at all before the dumbest death he could have had and jensen's obviously pissed

like... can imagine why he would be

also like nothing happened in that ep is2g I watched it live while it was happening and it was all..... filler? like I swear even the fillerest filler episode for any show I've watched had more stuff happening in it than the spn series finale which... was... bad

and like I remember walker promos airing every ten seconds when the ep was airing sssoooo

anyway apparently the cw got heavy on walker promoting and shit and got both jensen & misha shafted which like... I mean misha was def in vancouver for the finale but he wasn't in the ep and jensen spends 15 years playing dean for that?

and like now idk if the background rumors re jared not opposing any of that and basically screwing them over because it was convenient for his new show are true or not but if he is like... ofc jensen is pissed off

anyway like as stated I'm catching up on the whole thing now and with that in mind the finale looked like 'okay we wanted to do a thing but you execs told us that we couldn't and we had to do this this and that so we're going to do it in a way that sucks ass on purpose but that delivers what you wanted' even moreso than it did in the beginning like... it's not bad in the way any other bad finale I watched is bc AT LEAST SOMETHING HAPPENED IN THE OTHERS LITERALLY NOTHING HAPPENED IN THIS ONE I'm still trying to wrap my head around it tbh

NOW with this in mind I'mma gonna say what I told @emilysnora when the first walker casting stuff came out but basically

the remake has jared being walker blah blah and honestly I'm not even pronouncing myself on the whole 'I got the idea when reading the interview with the ICE policeman who felt conflicted abt putting kids in cages' because it's not my place to but honestly as your resident white european person it's... really... I mean the nicest I can say it's that it's a very privileged way of looking at it and he probably didn't mean it to be a racist thing buuuuuttt thaaat kind of iiiiisssss so there's that and on top of that we have that it's him plus: - hispanic partner in the force - gay brother who's like AN ATTORNEY FOR THE STATE so like... right wing gay dude? okay - his wife was dead before the entire shebang began so hello fridging before the plot even starts - I gave a quick look at the main cast and like there's one biracial dude plus lindsey morgan and they're the only two nonwhite ppl in the entire main cast (idk about the recurring but I'm talking about the MAINS) add to that the... background premise it's really not as progressive as it looks like honestly

now not to be like your resident person who's like BUT THE REP but like if y'all gonna do a show in 2021 about ppl in texas doing that job having to deal with keeping children in cages or latin american immigrants having all white ppl in the main cast except two of them is like.... kind of... not exactly what I'd do in this time and age

now with the premise that as stated I hate chuck norris's politics and I don't thing great of him as a person or anything else so like pls don't take this as chuck norris endorsement or anything

my grandfather used to be obsessed with it same as like apparently 90% of italian grandfathers bc everyone I know had at least one who loved that show so like I've seen my fair share of it back in the day and to my best recollection - basically no one was presuming it was like.... there to make a political statement it was basically chuck norris roundhouse kicking bad dudes coming from whichever background and saving the day the end but - walker himself had native american ancestry bc he was raised after his parents' death by his uncle who was played by floyd westerman who was like a prominent NA actor so like technically you had the lead who had NA ancestry himself plus there was like actual NA actors having a relevant role which like... bros not to be that asshole but last time I saw that in pseudo mainstream tv in the last ten years it was on a netflix show that lasted one season so make of that what you will, also there were at least two other NA supportive chars from the reservation they all came from like one was the sheriff and the other was a spiritual leader or smth but anyway it had three NA chars played by NA actors - walker's police partner/bff was black - he had the ongoing willtheywon'tthey romance with the district attorney or smth but she didn't get fridged actually she lasted the entire show but anyway like... there was no 'ah he had a wife who DIED BEFORE THE SHOW EVEN STARTED' plotline - in the last two seasons they had rookie rangers showing up and like I went to check on wikipedia to be sure but the girl is half filipina which again not a category that gets exactly much rep on american tv - there was a recurring dude who helped them out in cases but was from another police branch who was def latino (don't remember the background sorry but he def was) also like walker was a vietnam vet which imvho would be an improvement over 'I was undercover for eleven months and my wife died :((((' when it comes to give your main like.... a srs background but anyway the point was that new walker in between the mains has like two nonwhite ppl and if I look at the recurrings it looks like there's four ppl who are latin* but three of them are undocumented immigrants so like... bro there's some typecasting going on I see, old walker had NA/black/hispanic/filipino people in the main/supporting cast and none of them was like... typecast in the sense that they were all cops except two of the NA ones so it's not like they went out of their way to typecast and like obv og walker wasn't making the whole thing a political statement but looking at it...... it's still way more progressive than whatever the new one wants to be

yes even if chuck norris was headlining it

and I mean... again when you manage to reboot a show starring chuck norris of all ppl and you manage to make it less progressive than the og while thinking you're being progressive while rebooting it I mean as we say here ask yourself a few questions and give yourself a few answers, also like the entire point of og walker was crack where he kicks ppl and says doing drugs is bad, I honestly don't get why the fuck they had to reboot it instead of like having the guts to say we wanna do an original thing, bc like in order to say hey I wanna do a show about a conflicted cop on the texas border you really can just make it an original thing and own it not go like I'M REBOOTING WALKER TEXAS RANGER ROUNDHOUSE KICK CENTRAL EXTRAORDINAIRE but that's my two cents make of that what you will

[jasontoddiefor]

Okay you're my go to person for weird thoughts. So you know how luke tried to revive the jedi order? Was he just allowed to collect force sensitive kids and teach them the five days of training he got or did someone force him to like. Get a teaching degree. Did ahsoka help in any way? Did she force him to go to teacher school to get a degree in teaching? Seriously is luke qualified to teach a bunch of kids a religion and a sword club.

Anon you’re my absolute fave person bc your “weird” thoughts give me an excuse to ramble about my thoughts without feeling like I’m just throwing them in the void so please keep those thoughts coming.

And this house knows parts of canon, but acknowledges even less so say goodbye to the sequels and legends because I Have Opinions.

First of, I think that Luke gets Ahsoka, Ezra & Cal on board with his Skywalker-Amidala charm and stubbornness. Canon, give me the forbidden Luke meeting other Jedi content. He’s not gonna revive the Order on his own, he needs people (and Leia is getting training too ofc bc she deserves a lightsaber but she’s also a little more busy with politics). So, yes, he has help.

Next - and I apologize in advance bc I’m going super off tangent here but it’s kinda necessary and also nobody can stop me - Luke got them all assembled and he kind of assumes they’re really organizing it all as equals while the others are quite happy to have him be the official representative/head of the Order. It takes a while for that particular realization to settle in - I picture something like a person calling him the leader and he wants to protest but everybody else just goes along with it. (He does protest in the aftermath of the talk because all of them have more real training than he, but Ezra doesn’t want to be in charge, Cal doesn’t think he’s up for the job and Ahsoka thinks that if they are starting anew, somebody from the old generation shouldn’t lead. And Luke already Has A Reputation.) So, Luke gets put in charge.

Now to get to the kids rebuilding the Jedi Order!

Okay, so. How do you even go about starting up your new Order? I imagine they start with the people that are already there and are Force-sensitive. So you have Rebels there, people their age or even older and teenagers, whoever has the ability and wants to learn. (I just really want Luke to take a look at a pilot he’s been flying with and go “okay your reflexes are way too good for you to not have the Force” and that’s how he gets his first student.)

They settle on Yavin IV bc it has canon ties and I freaking love that place it looks so cool. Also there is no evil Sith Spirit because I Have Spoken. And like, they might be rebuilding the Order, but they still need people to keep that place running and those that come to train, don’t come on their own. Luke was saved because of his ties to his father, he wouldn’t separate families. So you probably start out with a Rebel base that’s not an active combat base, but hmm maybe they put a hospital here? A refugee camp as well? Anyway, there are people and that means jobs and point is - this new Order isn’t isolating itself and there is a growing community.

So any kids that become Jedi, are likely being raised by their parents and the community as well! And it’s not like any of the Jedi here can teach basic biology. Therefore they might just drop “the Jedi subjects” in-between normal school lessons and work. You can’t rebuild from nothing, you need a community. And if you work in that community, you pick up on things. So The Squad might not get teaching degrees but you learn while interacting with children. I’m studying to become a teacher rn and I haven’t had many didactic classes so far, but I’m also doing afternoon classes for primary school kids and the more you interact with children, the more you figure out how to teach them.

And in the panic that is bound to hit at least Ezra and Luke, they might download teaching manuals from the holonet.

(”’Teaching with games’? Think we can have them throw balls at each other with the Force?”

“Idk, Yoda’s training was kind of more focused on how to not die when you meet Vader and I was more concerned with surviving. Hey, Ahsoka, Cal is that how you did it-”)

But that is also more about how you teach and less what you teach. I mean, nobody thought you could come back from the darkside but guess what! Luke and his compassion proved the opposite! And none of them ever got the full Jedi training. Imagine Cal coming home one day like “Hey so I found this holocron, did you know about *starts going off about obscure knowledge none of them have ever heard about*”. And Force ghosts! How that worked and that they existed also wasn’t common knowledge while Luke probably assumes that is just a thing Jedi know. So, really, they are figuring their new tenets out themselves as well. And there is no 1-on-1 teaching because there aren’t enough even semi-trained Jedi for that.

Would anybody ask them for their Credentials? Maybe. But also, like, this community starts with people they already know. Word gets around. Cal helps set up a garden by decimating the offending trees with his lightsaber. These don’t stay mysterious magical Jedi for long, they get humanized. And if the Mandalorian has taught us one thing, it’s that untrained strong Force-sensitive kids are dangerous. So people might just be happy there is someone who knows what to do when your kid starts levitating their toys.

TLDR Step 1 is setting up a base and trial-and-error based communal teaching without actually going out into the galaxy to find Force-sensitive people.

Now imagine you got that down. They go out to find Force-sensitive people/children or they might also, with their growing reputation, get children dropped on their doorstep. So they are now directly responsible for children that do not have any other guardians. Some might get adopted into the community but otherwise? Congrats, you’re a parent Jedi Master. And because screw the First Order - my OT people get a happy ending, Yavin is not only the home of the budding Jedi Order but also a place to recover, heck they might have a city starting to really take off, so imagine when the Alliance finds a bunch of kids to be indoctrinated into Stormtroopers, they might just... drop them there. And if one or two are Force-sensitive, that means they are exactly where they belong! (Yes, you caught me, I just want Jedi Finn.) Bonus points if the kids pick their own last names or like, just take the name of the moon or, even better, the last names of the Jedi already running around.

So this is a very long-winded way of saying that I think the first years of this new Order are less schooling in a typical institutional setting and a lot more communal and family-orientated raising children in general with the result that Luke has a mug that says Galaxy’s Greatest Dad Jedi Master, a birthday gift given to him by one of the kids that never fails to make Han laugh at him.

TLDR Neither Luke, nor Ezra or Cal or Ahsoka have teaching degrees but nobody asks for parenting degrees either. Are they qualified? Depends on whether you’re expecting them to be people who give you grades for essays, or people trying to support you first.

[bregee13]

A New Home WIP

Here's what I wrote of this so far. There is a LOT l have yet to write. So much so, that I've been debating on splitting this up in to multiple parts.

Also this story is part of a long series of stories I already wrote, so context is important in order to understand what's going on. You can read what I've written so far here.

But if that's way too long (I don't blame you), here's a TLDR: There was a Raposa family living in Rapoville that comprised of a mom (Nixie), a dad (Bob), a son (Hunter), and a daughter (Polly). Hunter for a while was secretly going to the twilite woods on his own. Polly eventually found out Hunter's secret, and threatened to tell on him if he didn't let her go with him through the forest gate to see the twilite woods. When the two went into the twilite woods, a flyin rabbit doll attacked Polly and cursed her into making a flyin rabbit doll (which she named Bongo). After a big argument between Hunter and Polly, Hunter ran to the twilite woods. But the darkness around Rapoville was getting worse, and ended up trapping Hunter in the forest gate region (he's fine, he'll go on to live with the Baki there. Nobody knows that though). Nobody knows where Hunter was except Polly, and she was extremely guilty about it. She tried to enter the darkness to try rescuing him, but was caught by Cricket. But when she noticed she dropped Bongo right next to the expanding wall of darkness, she ran up to get it (risking her life in the process, which resulted in Bongo absorbing a lot of loving energy). But Cricket managed to save her from the darkness. Eventually the darkness gets so bad that Polly and her parents are forced to move out of the village (via the bridge).

This story picks up with them moving through the snow gate region into the forest gate region, and them having to deal with a new temporary home. Also a bunch of other stuff, especially Bongo stuff, but I didn't get to that part yet. 😭

The actual WIP is under the read more.

It wasn't before long until the Raposa family wandered into the snowy fields. At first the snow barely dusted the grass beneath their feet, but eventually the snow became almost knee deep. It was a good thing Polly thought of bringing blankets with them. Even then, the three wished they had the time to change into warmer clothing.

Polly, while squeezing her dad's arm for support, shivered uncontrollably. "D-dad??? Why did-didn't we u-use the S-snow G-gate...?"

Nixie, who was also freezing, couldn't help but glare at her husband. "That's a g-good question, Polly! Bobby, why DIDN'T we use the snow g-gate?"

"Nghh..." 'How's this my fault? Movin dis way was YOUR idea...' As much as Bob wanted to say it out loud, he was much too tired to butt heads. Besides, after trudging through the snow for that long, you almost HAD to blame somebody. Though, if he didn't say anything, Nixie would freeze him to death before any snow could. "Well, if we w-went through the snow gate, we could've walked right i-into darkness. A-and dat wouldn't be fun, would it?"

Nixie, who was starting to remember her plan, felt her cheeks flush a little more than they already were. Though embarrassed, she welcomed the extra warmth on her face.

"B-but.... Why did-didn't we go to th-the dock?? A-and r-ride a boat somewhere?" Polly asked, hoping asking more questions would distract her from the cold.

Her mother shook her head. "N-no... We couldn't have done that. The d-darkness might've covered the dock by then..."

"M-might've!?! Y-you didn't k-know?!"

"I...I... Um... f-figured there wouldn't be any more boats sailing to and from there anyway... With all this darkness, of course... Of course...."

"Th... That... s-sounds..." Polly tried to call her mom out on her poor excuse, but she was just too frozen to speak.

"Dat sounds like a c-cra... crummy excuse, N-Nix.."

Nixie turned her head toward Bob in confusion. "Wh...what? Are you saying, Bobby?"

Bob stared off into the distance. He longed to go back home and sleep in the warmth of his bed, but he knew that was impossible. "D-dere was no h-harm in checkin first... Ya k-knew dere was a chance of esc-cape dere.... W-what the Rapo stopped ya...?"

"Oh... U-um... You know, um..." 'Well, you didn't bother to check either! Why blame me...?' It took a moment for Nixie to regain some of her composure. She knew she was the only one planning anything out, and that Bob likely didn't even think of checking the docks in the heat of the moment. She actually thought about leaving the village by boat many times. But the one thing that stopped her every time was her fear. "...E-even if there was a way.... Th-there's no way to know what to expect... The o-other villages might be worse off than where we w-were.... There's no way... There's no way...." While she did fear the darkness in other villages, she did have one other small fear that she was afraid to admit. She was scared of returning to her parents after going missing for so long. 'Only Creator knows how those two would react...'

"...Y-ya got a point.... I haven't h-heard from Jack in a real long time... H-Hope he and the folks are alright in Lavasteam... N-nice.... hot..... L-Lavasteam...." 'Rapo... This snow is messin with our heads n' makin us lookin all ridiculous!'

Bob looked back toward Polly. She hadn't spoken for a while now, which was odd for her. On top of that, she was moving at a snail's pace, slowing everyone down as a result. "Polly? Ya doin okay?"

"..." Polly, shaking rapidly, fully relied on her father's arm for support. She had a hard time gathering her words and saying them out loud. She felt horrible. "D-dad....." She cried. "I...I can't feel my legs......."

"Dat can't be good.... Hang on..." Bob walked up to Nixie and handed her the clothes he was carrying. "Hold dis for a s-sec?"

"O-oh... Of... Of course..."

Bob then proceeded to lift Polly off the ground, and carry her in his arms. "Urk!" 'She's heavier than I remember!' "It's okay... you're o-okay... Y-you you're gonna be okay, okay?" He tried to reassure her, but it only seemed to make everything worse. 'Oh Creator, she's real cold....' As worried as Bob was, he knew he couldn't show too much concern. For all he knew, it would just jinx everything. "...Y-Ya got uhh... Um... Bangle with ya? Ah! I..! I m-meant...! B....Bon...Go?"

Polly, squeezing her stuffed friend in her arms, didn't even bother to correct her dad. Though the fact that he caught the mistake on his own really meant a lot to her. "Mhmm..."

"G-good. Dat's good... "

Nixie took the clothes that were handed to her and covered her daughter with them as if they were extra blankets. "There. H-hope that will help s-somehow..."

"Th-thank thank you..."

The three silently continued on their journey through the snow. The bitter wind brushed their cheeks. Eventually, the snow began to die down, and the air was less stiff. The knee-high snow turned into mere frost. Needless to say, everyone was relieved. The ice life is NOT a nice life.

The wide open snow fields slowly turned into a chilly forest. The trees were of a purplish hue and had seemingly no end to them. It was clear that they had entered the forest gate region.

Bob, now getting tired of carrying her around, set Polly down by one of the many trees. "There ya go. Are ya feelin any better?"

Polly slowly nodded. "Y-yeah."

Nixie leaned down to feel Polly's arm. "She's still really cold..." She turned to her husband. "What should we do now?"

Bob looked up at the sky. It wouldn't be too long before it grew dark. "We gotta get some shelter. Can't rest out in da open..."

"Where are we going to find this shelter, anyhow?"

"We're gon have to build it from scratch... Don't expect nothin fancy, I don't got no tools to work with."

"That's fine... But..." She looked down at Polly before returning her gaze to Bob. "Are you going to be alright by yourself?"

Bob tried to reassure her with a smile. "I'll be good on my own. Don't worry bout me. Just worry bout her."

"...Okay. Just be back soon."

"I will." Bob stepped back from his family and got to work.

Now, Bob may be a carpenter, but he wasn't exactly experienced in wilderness survival. Lucky for the three Raposa, he managed to put a small shelter together out of branches and leaves. And for the restrictions he had, it was relatively spacious. Just big enough for everyone to lay in comfortably.

Nixie had Polly wrapped up in her arms. "How are you feeling, baby? Are you warmer now?"

Polly yawned. "Yeah. I'm okay. I think Bongo's a little tired though. Are you tired, Bongo?"

"..."

"Yeah... He's pretty tired..." Polly's eyes had grown heavy from the exhausting journey she had been through.

Nixie, who was tired as well, softly chuckled to herself. "It seems that you're tired too. How about we get ready for bedtime?"

"Yeah… Okay." Polly stretched.

"Are you well enough to get up on your own?"

"I think so..." Polly slowly started to get up off of the ground. Although her legs were a little wobbly from sitting too long.

Nixie reached out for her daughter in an attempt to stable her. "Are you alright?!"

"I'm okay! I'm okay! My legs are just sleepy."

"Come on, I'll help you over there." Nixie had her arm wrapped around Polly's body, helping to guide her to the makeshift home Bob had made. "Bobby! Is the shelter finished over there?"

Bob looked back at his wife, and sighed. "It's 'bout as done as it's gonna get... Hope it works just fine."

"It looks wonderful. Why don't you take a break and get some rest? It's been quite a long day."

"It is gettin pretty late, huh? Alright. I'll take a breather."

"That's what I wanted to hear! Besides, a good sleep in there will make the perfect test for the structure you made."

"That's true..."

Polly pulled her mother's arm toward the shelter. She was starting to get cranky from a lack of sleep. "Mooom... C'mon! We gotta go to bed! Bongo's really really tired!"

"Alright, Polly! Settle down! We're on our way. Why don't you go on ahead and get ready for dreamland?" Nixie suggested.

"Okay..." Polly yawned. "G'night...." She squeezed Bongo in her arms, and stepped inside.

Nixie glanced at her husband. "We should follow her."

Bob nodded. "Yeah, I guess we should..."

The two stepped inside the structure. The dirt floor was covered in a bedding of grass and leaves, which in turn was covered by the largest blanket they had brought. It was cozy to say the least.

Polly was already laying down, curled up underneath her very own blanket. She held onto her doll as tightly as she could. Her eyes were shut. As far as Nixie and Bob could tell, she was already fast asleep.

“She looks so peaceful…” Nixie whispered.

“Dat didn’t take very long at all, huh?”

“That journey must have drained all of the energy from her. I don’t believe I blame her.”

“Poor Polly… I sure hope all dat snow didn’t leave her sick…”

“I hope so too. She didn’t seem to be all that ill, just tired. ...I have faith that she’ll turn out alright.”

Bob sighed. “Rapo, what’d we do to deserve any of this? We lost nearly everythin, and now we gotta live in this… this… whatever this is!”

“You’re the one who built the shack… I don’t see why you’re the one complaining.” Nixie mumbled.

“...What was that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s fine.” Nixie clearly sounded annoyed. “It’s not a permanent solution, anyhow… We’re not staying too long.”

“...Are you insulting my work?”

“Bobby, please.”

“No no, I get it. I understand! I don’t wanna live here either! Who da Rapo would? In fact, it’s so awful dat any normal Raposa would rather sleep outside on the dirt and die!”

“We may as well be…” Nixie muttered.

“Excuse me?! I worked real hard to set this up! All by myself with no tools, no help of any kind, and you’re talkin to me like that?! A lil while ago, you said it was fantastic. I worked the best that I could under these circumstances, and now you’re mad it ain’t good enough?!”

“Bobby, you know that isn’t what I meant.”

“Really? What else could you have meant by that?! I don’t understand anything you’re saying, Nix! First you said one thing, then you say the opposite? I don’t understand at all...” Bob crossed his arms and hung his head low. His eyes were starting to water in frustration. “...Explain to me, Nix. What’s wrong? What’d I do wrong? What the Rapo did I do to you to make you insult me like dat?!”

“Rapo, you didn’t do anything! Nothing is wrong! Why would you come to the conclusion that everything is your fault?! What the Rapo do you even think you did?”

“I-I dunno… I was just askin you that! Ya can’t just say ‘nothin is wrong’ right after complaining your rear off to me!”

“Well maybe I’m just feeling a little peeved.”

“Peeved?!”

“Of course I’m peeved! I didn’t want this! I didn’t want to be forced out of my home, I didn’t want to have to worry about whether or not we’ll make it out of this okay, and I surely didn’t want you to yell at me!”

“Yell at ya?! Nix, you’re da one dat started it!”

“Bobby, what the Rapo are you talking about? I didn’t start anything! You just got mad at me out of nowhere!”

“Out of- What?! I-I would never do dat to you! I would never yell or get mad at you for no reason!”

“Then why are you yelling at me right now then?”

“B-because... I’m mad because you insulted me!” He began to cry. “I’m mad because you decided to be mean at me for no reason! I’m mad… because I don’t understand why you would do that…”

“Bobby?”

“That… that really hurt, Nix… Why would you go and do that?”

“Bobby… I… I’m so sorry.” She gently lifted his chin up so she could see his face better. “I’m sorry.”

Bob looked at her and sniffled. “I don’t understand, Nix. I-I know it ain’t the best I’ve done, but you ain’t gotta be mean about it…”

“I wasn’t trying to be mean to you… I… I was just frustrated. And I ended up saying the wrong thing… I know that wasn’t right for me to snap like that, but… I’m sorry…”

“I know you’re sorry… I know you’re just stressed out. Dat just… really got to me for some reason. I-I’m sorry I overreacted.”

“Bobby… You didn’t overreact. It’s okay. It’s my fault for upsetting you.” She sighed. “We’re both just... frazzled from all of this. I understand.”

“...I forgive ya Nix. I know ya didn’t mean what you said.” He faintly smiled for a moment. “But… Dere’s somethin I don’t understand. Why’d ya say it looked good earlier? I don’t get it.”

“...You want me to be honest? I... was trying to be polite. I didn’t want something like this to happen. Especially not in front of Polly. ...Wait a minute. Polly!” She turned around to face Polly, hoping that she was fast asleep and didn’t hear anything they said.

Polly, who was watching the entire time, hid under her blanket once she got caught. ‘Rapo! She saw me!’ She then pretended to be sleeping, hoping that she wasn’t in trouble.

Nixie sighed and turned back to her husband. “We really need to pull ourselves together, don’t we?”

Bob nodded. “If I were her, I wouldn’t want my folks arguing over nothin… I’d want em to be happy. I’d wanna be sure that it’s all gonna be okay. ...We gotta do better for her.”

“You’re right. From now on, we have to stay positive. No matter what happens.”

“Of course. We gotta set an example. It’s what Polly deserves. It’s what Hunter deserves too.”

“...Yeah.”

“...I wonder if Hunter’s doin alright. Maybe… Maybe he’s alive somehow?”

“I don’t want to talk about Hunter...”

“Alright, I understand.”

The two stood there for a moment in awkward silence.

[aroacemerlinfan]

Tldr: me word vomiting lots of random emotions and thoughts I’ve been having about my life. Would put under a read more but tumblr mobile is shite. Ignore if you wanna, I just needed to throw this into the world cos I’ve been so socially distant from everyone in my life that I haven’t spoken to anyone about this, and I’m not sure I would’ve even if I actually replied to my friends more than once in a blue moon

...............................................................

Me: honestly convinced I’m never gonna find romantic love cos I’m ace and probably aro - at the very least I’ve never been attracted to/interested in someone enough to want to date them and the whole being sexually attracted to someone and looking a people and wanting to have sex with them sounds fake and doesn’t resonate with me at all.

Me: is theoretically a very sex favourable and positive person but the idea of sex with someone I’m not dating is just so weird to me but damn do I wish there was someone who knew me and my likes and dislikes to be intimate with

Me: is super duper disappointed to not experience love/sex but is simultaneously doing literally zero to create opportunities cos I just don’t speak to anyone outside of my family and colleagues, and the one single guy I had any interest in at work is gay and has left.

Me: reads fanfic constantly and I’m now wondering whether it is beneficial in distracting me from my loneliness or enhancing it. I think both. I think I need a break from fanfic at the very least but honestly don’t know what I’d do without it cos it’s been my go to hobby for so many years and I legit read for 30+ hours a week and that’s soo much time to fill???

Me: really doesn’t want to have kids in the future cos I don’t understand kids in the slightest and pregnancy is terrifying and I still feel like a child myself and I know this is something which may change in the future but I don’t think so and my mum bringing up wanting grandkids on a near weekly basis recently is kinda starting to put me on edge cos I’m already starting to feel like a disappointment cos I’m an only child and I’m the only opportunity for grandkids - which I know is ridiculous but it how I feel and that’s valid

Me: with my grandad in hospital (he’s gonna be fine, he would be out of hospital if he actually did what the doctors and nurses said about doing exercises etc) it has made me think about the family I do have which is: my mum, my dad, my grandad and my uncle. That’s it. I have two other uncles and several cousins etc who I see maybe once a year but they don’t really count.

Me: has a handful of really amazing friends who I haven’t spoken to in months and I don’t even really know why. They’ve all messaged me and I just havent replied. I’m not trying to actively push them away like I did with a friend in the past who I just felt drained with in the end whenever we interacted, but honestly every time I get a message I just feel exhausted at the prospect of ongoing social interaction. And it’s silly cos I know exactly the kind of thing I could message people about to start a conversation, like I could talk to Emily about finally watching Hamilton and how it’s been two weeks and I’m still listening to song on repeat and how she was right about how good it is and yet it’s been a week and a half since I’ve thought about sending that message and yet I haven’t and just uggghhhh @me

Me: is horrified by the idea of being alone for life romantically, and knowing that between my ever dwindling family and me not talking to my friends that being alone if more likely that I ever want to think about

Me: wants to live a happy life of my own but don’t know how to. I want to move out but can’t afford to on my own and it’s super impractical when I can live with my parents for £20 per week for food. But god forbid if anything happens to one of my parents I’m gonna be stuck at home forever cos I have so little family and my parents have literally no one else to turn to.

Me: wants to do a masters in gender and sexuality studies writing about representations of asexuality on screen but I know I could write and entire book which would be great for phd level but I missed the deadline to apply cos June was crazy and all I’ve been doing recently is working 6 days a week then working on my car for a day before working another 6 days. And even if I did a masters and maybe eventually a phd I have no idea what I’d actually do with it? I have so little ambition for anything right now and the future is just a void of mystery in which I don’t even know what I want???

Me: is starting to think I might actually be kinda depressed. I’ve thought it on and off for longer than I’ll ever admit but I’d do quizzes online and they’d say I wasn’t so I didn’t really think too much more about it (and yes I know an online quiz is shit and means nothing but there’s no one I would want to talk to about it cos I feel like I have to be strong for the people around me and shit but yeah). I know I’m not happy, but that doesn’t necessarily equal depressed. All I know is I’m uninspired and I feel kinda empty. Doing stuff I do enjoy, if I actually do it, just makes me feel tired half the time so I end up trying to nap instead but then I don’t sleep great either, waking up in the night or when my dad is getting ready for work so I very rarely get a solid 8 hours of sleep. I’m irritable a lot too...

Me: even if I am depressed what does it matter? Like it does matter ofc, but my mum is on media for depression and it’s taking her weeks to get an appointment with the doctor to try and get a different dosage. I’m not a danger to myself or others, I’m unhappy, but who isn’t with COVID going on and there are people who need mental health services more than me. Which is really hypocritical of me to say cos I’ve told my best friend so many times that trauma and mental health etc aren’t competitions of who has it worse but it’s the truth. Also my mum and colleagues access the only mental health resources in town and I do not want to deal with interactions with people I know whilst trying to improve my mental health.

Me: I don’t know how many times I’ve said it in posts like this but something needs to change. I was set on a good course at the start of the year. I was getting out, socialising, doing new things, inspired to cook, learn to new music and change my lifestyle, and then COVID happened and since all of that has slowly drained away and I need to find a change to revitalise that. I’d hoped getting back to having driving lessons and working on my car would be a start, and to be fair it’s been less than two week since I restarted doing that, so maybe I can find a new spark of inspiration still. Within a couple of months I will pass my driving test. Hopefully it won’t take much longer than that to get my car finished and on the road (hopefully it’ll take two weeks to finish putting the rear end back together so we can finally get my car back on four wheels, then it’s just lots of little jobs which hopefully won’t take too long). The weather is supposed to be decent this week so I might work up the effort to go for a walk down the fields which always seems to relax me a little. And the cinema reopens at the end of the month so I’d finally have an excuse to get out of the house (I know COVID is not over and things should not be going back to normal any time soon, but I need to do something other than go work for 4 hours everyday and spend 90% of my time at home and most of that time in bed because I have nowhere else to go). I don’t know what else I can be hopeful for in the coming weeks but that’s a start and just listing them out here has made me feel a little better so.

I keep thinking about Patrick from Schitt s Creek, leaving his hometown to escape a life which didn’t fit him and finding everything he needed in a tiny town in rural Canada, and wishing I could do the same, but I know I’d just end up even more alone because I am not a social person in the slightest and don’t kno how to be despite knowing that me making changes is the only way to improve myself.

And then a line from Hamilton about death is easy, living is harder, and I want to make it abundantly clear that I do not in any way, shape or form want to die, but living is hard and I have an easy life. I have enough money that I was able to loan my dad the money to buy a car, and still have more savings after that than he does, I have a good that if not particularly well paid I do enjoy and I’m good at, my family live me in their own way, even tho I feel that part of my social distance and reluctantance towards others is because no one in my family is particularly socially inclined.

Maybe I just really need a hug.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this anymore but I just had so much build of of words in my brain that they had to go somewhere and this has turned into my go to word vomit place

Things will get better. I don’t know when or how but they will. But they won’t if I don’t get enough sleep for a starters. So off to bed I go. If you’ve read all this thank you, I guess, for listening cos I’m not sharing this with anyone irl just yet. And I’m sorry this is so long but tumblr mobile doesn’t let me put in a read now but I want this out in the world even tho no one will see it

[loxxxlay]

What do you think would happen if Thor walked into his brother losing his virginity to the Grandmaster? P.s. I love your blog and your grandthorki fanfic! :)

Edit: Fuck anon, I realized thanks to @gaslightgallows that you might have intended this to be a thorki-flavored ask rather than a platonic thor&loki ask D: so I am sorry. shoot me up again if you want because I am fully down to talk about thor being jealous of the Grandmaster hooo boyyy

HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Well now I’m like freaking out at the possibilities because without context, it’s so hard to say??? Like, does thor know this is Loki’s first time? What knowledge does thor have of any of the circumstances (i.e. dubcon, power imbalance, etc.)? Does he know the Grandmaster or no? Is he walking in with no information whatsoever and seeing Loki have kinky sex with an unknown eccentric man?

I’m gonna go with Extremes XD

So possibility #1: thor knows (at least almost) everything.

God this would be fucking amazing. In fact, one of my fics in the far future might feature something similar (minus virginity in the fic). I’m gonna assume thor has background knowledge of the Grandmaster (from gladiator pits probably) - and he has background knowledge of Loki’s feelings about the Grandmaster and sex (maybe Loki confessed to him some of what was happening). And then, party whatever, everyone is invited, and thor makes his way into a corner to get away from the crowd, only to find

his brother being fucked and seeming to enjoy it (even though thor knows he isn’t)

if this was the first time, thor would go batshit fucking feral. Protective instincts would go on HIGH. He would dive in, and try to yank/drag Loki out of the situation. Maybe the Grandmaster would allow it for a hot minute (because imagine - it would be kind of entertaining and super cute to watch thor react like this). And Loki would probably be too disheveled to really keep up with the situation.

But then eventually, in a contest of wills between Grandmaster and thor - thor would not win. And thor would not be happy. the Grandmaster does not like people accusing him of the things that thor would accuse him of. LIKE IDK BUt HAVE YOU READ WILL tO LIVE BY @veliseraptor​ because there’s a scene where thor loses his shit and the grandmaster makes him regret it and oh boy it’s fucking creepy, and that’s exactly how i would picture this route going down.

(With, like in lise’s fic, potential for Loki to save thor’s ass and smooth things over - which may be difficult because the only Loki I see as a virgin Loki is a young Loki… and a young Loki would not have much power or sway with the Grandmaster.)

tldr: protective instincts go apeshit wild, grandmaster asserts dominance, thor is left scarred, probably for life lmfao

Possibility #2: thor knows absolutely nothing about the situation, the grandmaster, or loki’s sex life

this would go… not as good… (or depending on your palate for angst XD, better) especially since in this situation (re: Loki’s virginity), I’m hella picturing them in their younger versions.. thor does not have a nuanced perspective on sexuality, gender, or sex. And even in an older thor, I think… the utter SHOCK of the situation might trigger his old viewpoints (he has matured, but Loki’s Sex Life is probably not something he has spent time applying his newfound maturity to lmfao, so default wins).

He would still be angry. But unlike the other situation, I don’t think he would know why he was angry. Probably a lot of the anger would be from a subconscious feeling that something isn’t right because he knows Loki, and I’m sure he can tell instinctively that Loki is not at ease. But it would be super hard for him to admit this (because in his head invincibility complex, Loki =/= victim because being a victim is shameful to him), so… he would dismiss the subconscious feeling that something isn’t right.

And from there… the anger would probably manifest in a way that was directed more at Loki than the Grandmaster. “How dare you let this man fuck you?” / “How dare you shame our family like this?” / and even just a lot of ANGER that doesn’t have conscious thought to thor? Like, since he’s avoiding the root cause of the anger, I hella see him as scrambling for other excuses to be angry, few as they may be.

thus, imagine a very emotionally turbulent argument between Loki and thor - and Loki, who is growing increasingly upset, nearing verge of tears, as he does when he’s angry&upset - while the Grandmaster “swoops in to Loki’s rescue” and defends him from thor.

to which Loki would feel closed in on all angles, because thor, the one person he trusts not to hurt him, is screaming at him, and his abuser, the grandmaster, is the one protecting him. Would send him for a fucking mindloop.

And it would be really really really hard for thor to repair the damage - even if finding out the truth later - because for a younger thor, rape culture is probably another thing he doesn’t have a nuanced perspective on :’)

EItHER WAY MAXIMUM ANGSt HOt HOt HOt okay!!!!!

anyway i hope this fulfilled your daily id needs hehehehhe, thanks for the ask!!! (and sorry gah, I tried to incorporate virginity a little, but it was difficult because for thor, I think there would be Bigger things at stake than whether it was loki’s first time, if that makes sense? D: i tried my besttt thoughhh)

[emotionalcello-makefanfics]

Summary :

“Excuse me, I think you underestimate the power of your cute smile. Nuclear warheads from the east throughout the west got nothing on you.” After solving a case, a detective tried to flirt with a hard-faced FBI agent. It doesn't go smoothly, but that doesn't mean he's going to stop. - - - - - “Smile to me like that again then I might not survive the night,” Chris swoons, and the one blushing is somehow Hotch, “Have you not been flirted on before?” “Not as boldly and creative as you do.” “Well, get ready Hotch, because I’m just getting started.”

Sequel : That Body = Absolute Unit and Not Now, But Someday

No Warnings Applied

Click title to read on ao3. Click keep reading to read on tumblr~

Words : 4k

The case of man shredder is finally closed. After four long days of following chunks of bodies in the alleys, they finally caught the unsub. It was the longest day he had ever experienced, and he had walked behind a hundred-year-old lady on the subway stairs before.

Detective Hamlyn – Chris for friends and lovers of the night- huffed and undo his bulletproof vest when they finally return to his precinct while police officers contain the unsub. The police officers, him included, notify the victim’s family, and their reaction is just as expected. They did a little briefing and say good work and goodnight as they close the case and tidy up.

The B.A.U. team seems rightfully s tired but they looked relaxed as they take this case as a win, so does Chris. With that, he feels it’s the right time to ask.

“Hey, Emily?” he called the agent by her first name. The last four days, he’s been bonding with agent Prentiss the most, though his true attention has been towards someone else. His hand inconspicuously pulls back his already rolled-up sleeves. Rubbing his arms as his warm beige skin starts to look paler.

“What’s wrong?” The agent narrowed her perfectly twin eyebrows. Her concerned voice and body language were caught by her colleagues who are sending the two of them watchful looks.

Chris had learned by working with them how scary their knowledge is, almost borderline supernatural. It’s crazy, but damn do they work.

“Nothing’s wrong!” Chris exclaimed in low voice.

“You looked nervous.”

Chris is doing his super-duper poker face right now. Maybe he needs to rethink his life choices too.

“I’m just... okay...” Chris groaned and wing it, “I didn’t see any ring so I’ve been meaning to ask if-”

“Oh...” Emily, flutter her pretty long lashes and leans away, “Sorry Chris, I’m not looking.”

Chris gapes, with eyebrows reaching to his hairline, “I’m not asking about you Em, no offense, you cute, but I was asking about...” Chris looks right and left, purposely ignoring Emily’s shocked expression. Chris leans down a bit and whispered, “I wanna ask if Hotch is single.”

Emily visibly froze, while Chris looks into the conference room with the mirror board through the glass window. By the oval desk he prepared for the BAU team, Hotch is by the table, reading case files and putting them in the file box.

To be honest, older man is not his type, and his face wasn’t that high on his priority list too. But seeing the man in action made Chris feel things in his chest, his head, and at some inappropriate point, his crotch. Honest to the holy gods, they were serious and focused on the job, and there was no romantic moment at all, but Chris is not the one holding the joystick to control who his heart rebels for.

SSA Aaron Hotchner, a man of few words, and a hard face. He doesn’t know how much suit and dress shirt the man brings but it seems like he’s been wearing the same black suit, and the same maroon tie with small dots and the same thin striped dress shirt.

In all the four days he’s here, never once did Chris ever seen him smile, not even a quirk upwards. His raven hair loosely coiffed, and eyes dark and deep and it just looks like two black holes with no end. They seem cold, devoice of emotion, but Chris knows that’s not true.

Under the light of day, when he tagged along with the unit chief to do a door to door interview, he saw the light hits his black irises. As they were concluding what they learned from the interviews, all that Chris can focus on is the light tint of olive green in Hotch’s eyes. Then slowly but surely, those sharp dark deep-set eyes pierce through his soul.

There’s more to that man than what he gave an impression of. Chris has been there as the man gives clear and cut-throat instruction, but at the same time considerate. Hotch is efficient, looks like a hard worker, respected by his team, but sometimes, when Hotch was all by himself, Chris can see how tired the man is. Even so, right now, the man just quirks up the tiniest smile as he looks into the missing teenager they saved.

His heart just stopped right there and then. A glint of light shines from his dark aura. Chris knows... oh he just knows he needs to get closer... He’s never been drawn to something this hard since he saw an authentic leather cowboy pants 20% off on Amazon

Maybe Chris just has a thing for mysterious emo boys? Well, not exactly mysterious emo boys. More like a stoic man, with a lot of baggage because of the emotionally draining job.

It helps that Hotch is dashingly handsome, and in contrast to his looks, Aaron is such a cute and boyish name.

TLDR: Chris is feeling some burning desire for the tall, dark and handsome FBI agent.

“Chris?” Emily snaps her fingers in front of his face, “Wow, you’re really whipped for my boss huh?”

“Am I? What does your profile say?” Chris tips his chin confidently.

“Well, in this case, your demeanor screams playboy, and you flirt with girls if she spares you even the tiniest spark of interest, but you don’t do casual relationship. You believe in love at first sight, you’re a naive romantic, but you’re persistent, patient, and you follow your gut. Now, your gut is pulling you right there,” Emily cocks her head towards her boss.

Chris cocks his head to the side with a smirk, “That never gets old, what you do is just so cool.”

“It can get annoying, I can profile what you google with incognito.”

Chris sweats, “Wait you can do that?”

The agent cracks a wide smile, “No, not with I’ve got so far.” Chris chuckled nervously and wipes his non-existent sweat on his temple.

“So,” his eyes are back on Hotch, unconsciously sweeping his dark chocolate hair back, “what are my chances?”

“Hotch was married once, and he just broke up with his girlfriend. That’s all I’m telling you.”

“Oof, total hetero huh? Not just that, everything he does is classic alpha male behavior.”

“That’s what I said too.”

“Fuck Jesus!” Chris spaz at Dr. Reid’s voice suddenly came from behind him. And as sudden as he says that, he’s gone just as fast, making a beeline to the coffee maker.

“Hotch is far from Jesus though, hair ain’t quite the same. And I never met Jesus, but I bet his skin is a bit more glowy, and you know, healthy,” Emily teased.

Chris spent a few seconds staring at Emily like she’s crazy, and then realized he’s the crazy one.

“You know what, I’m just gonna go for it,” Chris takes a deep breath. Tidying his navy dress shirt and makes sure his black fit jean isn’t crooked and his combat boots have no dirt on them. As he deemed himself presentable, he marches forward.

“Go for it tiger, good luck.” Emily cheers and Chris highly appreciates that more than Emily knows, heck maybe she does knows.

Heh, profilers. Oh, but Hotch is a profiler too. Damn, maybe he’ll know his intention just by a knock or something.

Here he goes anyway.

Chris knocks on the open door, catching Hotch’s attention, “Good work today.”

“You too, Detective Hamlyn,” Hotch nods, still no smile, “You’re cooperative, we hardly have any captain that do.”

“Yikes, I take it you’ve seen a lot worse?”

“Yes.”

Hotch stops tidying up the table and looks at Chris. Time stopped as his dark eyes investigate his micro-expression, but what Chris cared for the most right now is how pretty Hotch’s bottom lashes are. They’re short but full and intensely black, they go completely from one corner to the other.

“It’s nice meeting with you,” the older man said with a respecting and platonic nod as he continues to file.

Ouch, that’s worse than being rejected, being dismissed with a detached professional reply. Chris needs to be bolder.

“Yeah, nice meeting you too,” Chris takes a deep breath, “But you know... DC to Quantico is easily an hour train ride away, so it doesn’t have to be our last meeting.”

There’s a horse running in his chest, puncturing his heart with its hooves. Oh, and the look on Hotch’s face. He bet there’s a lot of murders and creepy bastards he takes on and he won’t even blink an eye, but now, Hotch blinks owlishly with his lips parted.

It doesn’t take a profiler for someone to know what Chris is implying.

“I...” Hotch looks away.

Oh no, it’s a dragged ‘I...’ means Hotch is about to reject him and currently trying to find the mercifully right word to do so, then they’ll never see each other again, like ever.

Time for bold tactic number 2.

“Look, even if you’re not interested, you’re a cool dude. I admire what you do, to face hundreds of sociopathic sexual sadist white males in his 30’s and still have your cool. Or maybe you’re trying to seem you look cool? I don’t know man I can’t really read any of you. I just... think you’re awesome and I want to get to know you. I swear I’m not up to something creepy. God, I’m rambling I’m sorry I’m nervous. Just um...” Chris takes a business card from the cardholder on his belt, and slide it towards the stunned agent.

“I’m down to hangout. If you’re tired of looking at the same face every day” Chris cocks his head towards the glass window, “Don’t hesitate to call, I don’t mind the train ride.”

Hesitantly, Hotch takes the card and inspect it. Chris had never felt this naked because a man looking so thoroughly at his business card.

“I knew Chris is not your full first name,” Hotch states, still with a stoic face. Emily could’ve profiled that, but Chris is not one and he doesn’t know what that reaction means.

“Nope, my real name is a tongue twister, so I just go by Chris,” he replies, like a normal person. He counts that as a success.

“How do you say your name?”

“Kristianto.”

Upon hearing it, Hotch doesn’t even bother to try, and Chris fully understands, “Malaysian?”

“Indonesian, on my mother’s side. Basically means Christian.”

Then Hotch stares to the card again, and Chris starts sweating. Should he escape now? Be like ‘okay call me maybe, bye’?

Then Hotch puts his card in his breast pocket and goes back to cleaning up the files.

“I’m busy most of the time, I don’t have a lot of free time,” Hotch’s voice drops low but soft like expensive faux fur and gentle as if meek.

“Duh, I can see that. I mean, as long as I get to see or hear from you, just a call or meeting for a short break, I don’t care, I’m down to do whatever you want.”

The look on Hotch's face is as if no one had ever said that before. Whoever was his wife or girlfriend, must’ve been the one pampered and forgot to pamper him back. Lucky for both of them, that’s his specialty. He’s not a people pleaser, but for Hotch? Boy does he want to please this man and show him a good time. That off-guard face he’s making just because Chris says something basic is the one that does it.

Chris, the casually pessimistic sanguine, now feel either optimistic or desperate enough to go anywhere this dreamboat is willing to sail him to.

“Really? Whatever I want?” Hotch, despite sounding monotone, looks actually excited. That just adds oil to his running engine.

“Yeah! I’m up until 2 am and woke up at 7 if you want to call me. My yelp game is strong so I can take you to the best restaurant and hangout spots around. If you want a chill daaa-I mean hangout! Yeah, if you want a chill hangout, I cook a mean chilly I learned from Binging with Babi-” Chris got choked up because of the sight behold in his humble presence.

Hotch smiles, at him. At him.

“Oh god...” Chris wobbles and quickly get a hold of the table.

“What’s wrong,” Hotch grabbed his arms. Repeat, Hotch is touching him. His grip is so strong he wants to be wrap in it and—now is not the time!

“No, nothing.” Chris dismissed, badly, as he awkwardly smiles like a creep and shifting his eyes anywhere else other than Hotch’s face.

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.”

“Profile me then,” Chris challenged out of desperation.

He got his poker face on, there’s no way the man knows.

“You reacted like this because I smiled.”

Why did Chris even try?

Chris doesn’t take kindly when Hotch looks at him incredulously after knowing that fact, “Excuse me, I think you underestimate the power of your cute smile. Nuclear warheads from the east throughout the west got nothing on you.”

Hotch smiles again, complete with a soft little scoff for extra damage. If that’s not a green light, then that little cheeky grin is too cruel.

“I’ve heard a few comments on my look, cute is never one of them,” Hotch admits.

“They either blind or have poor taste. Yes, your eyes are carrying shopping bags-”

“Hamlyn,” Hotch scolds half-heartedly.

“But they’re your charm! And-” Chris felt his brain scrambles like someone stuck a fork in it and spins it around like noodle in a cup of brain juice.

“Look,” Chris said, more to himself actually, “I don’t actually care how you look, or how sexy your voice is, dammit,” Chris lowly curse under his breath. “As you can see, I’m rusty.”

“You don’t say,” Hotch teased and seems to be having genuine fun, it’s not a sight for the faint of heart.

Smiling shyly, Chris glances at his boots, “Cut me some slack. I never actually approach someone like this. I draw the line on people I work with, but I really really like you, and I’ll be damned if I see you go without trying to at least get your number.”

The sharpness in Hotch’s piercing black eyes mellows. The wrinkles between his eyebrows are finally catching a break. With a loud thump on the files, Hotch is finally finished putting out the files on the table.

“What about now?” Hotch's suddenly said.

“What the what now?”

“I’m up for a drink, maybe a light snack.”

Chris short-circuit into oblivion. This is it. This is the shit man, pull it together!

“I... yeah! Sure! I know just the place.”

“Will it still be open this late?”

“It’s 24 hours, homebrewed beer, and the fried pickle is to die for.”

“That sounds nice,” Hotch sounded genuinely taken by surprise, he looks down to his watch, and he must’ve only noticed then that it’s 1 am, “I hope you’re not too tired.”

“No way, you just made me feel like I’m swimming in meth, not the best metaphor but yeah, you get it. I feel like I chugged a glass of liquid heroin, wait that’s not better. I swear I don’t have a drug problem.”

Then, honest to God, Hotch laughed. Not like the lame ‘haha’ chuckle no. A full laugh with a hand on top of his chest, and breathing shortly and eyes crinkled shut. This man has the ability to destroy him completely and Chris is so doomed. Oh so gladly doomed.

“Thank you,” Hotch said when he finally calmed down.

Chris doesn’t know what to think about when a man has to thank him for making him laugh. He’s glad though that Hotch doesn’t think he’s boring, or too forward, or even offending, god it was his biggest fear. Maybe this will go somewhere good.

“I’m done cleaning up,” Hotch notified.

“Great, let’s go, it’s a walking distance.”

“Perfect.”

Hotch grabbed his bag, and they walk out of the glass conference room. Only then he noticed Hotch’s team was huddled over together with watchful eyes directed at them. Most of the officers had already gone home and a few of the night shift officers already arrived.

“Hey, Hotch, ready to jet?” Agent Morgan called over. Hotch approaches them and Chris follows suit after grabbing his bag from his desk, keeping his jittering under the radar, hopefully.

“You guys go on ahead, I’ll fly by morning,” Hotch informed. This is the first time Chris sees his team seemingly suspicious of their leader’s decision. But honestly? So does Chris. One more day? For an outing with Chris? He hoped he’s not visibly blushing.

“What will you be doing?” Emily teased, looking pointedly at Chris who stuck a tongue at her.

“I have a date with Detective Hamlyn, goodnight everyone.”

Hotch turns around and walks away, leaving his team with jaws on the floor. No less Chris, who looks at Hotch’s back, then back to the five agents in front of him. He felt the eyes of five hyenas that looks at him sharply like he just killed their cubs or something. No words needed to know these people care about Hotch.

“I-It’s nice working with you guys?” Chris cleared his throat, “I’ll bring him back safely,” but that’s the wrong thing to say. He’s not taking out someone’s daughter for god sake.

“He’s waiting kid, chop-chop” Agent Rossi, his idol since he was in the academy, just ‘chop-chop’ him.

No need to tell him twice, “Goodnight!” then speedwalk towards Hotch.

Before the man even holds the knob to the front door, Chris hurries to open the door for him, instinctually. Given, Hotch looks stunned yet again.

“After you, my sir,” Chris bows and waves his hands towards the road.

“You do this to all your dates?” Hotch shakes his head amusedly.

“Yes, and it’ll gonna get worse,” chirped the old security guard, who gave him a side-eye and a held back smile.

“Sammy!” Chris put a hand on his navy dress shirt, “How could you, you know me better than that. I’m a gentleman to the core.”

The old man just chuckles and waves at the two men,  “You guys have fun!”

“Goodnight sir,” Hotch nods at the man and walk down the side road with him.

After a few seconds walking and stealing glances, Chris finally says, “You’re an open book to your colleague, eh?”

“They already know you’re asking me out.”

“Yeah, but they didn’t know you accept.”

“Really?” Hotch smirked and Chris gapes.

“You sneaky sneaky tease!” Chris exclaimed.

Hotch smiles again, showing his slightly crooked teeth on the bottom row. Suddenly the late night air doesn’t feel too chilly anymore.

“First time on a date with a guy?” Chris asked.

“Yes, you?”

“No, I think I went out three times with a guy, dated one, which only lasts like a few months.”

“Huh, your reputation serves you.”

“Hey, no! I’m always the one broke up on.”

Hotch quirks up the corner of his lips, “I know.”

“Smile to me like that again then I might not survive the night,” Chris swoons, and the one blushing is somehow Hotch. “Have you not been flirted on before?”

“Not as boldly and creative as you do.”

“Well, get ready Hotch, because I’m just getting started.”

“Aaron, please. I’m off duty.”

Chris bites his lips from the smile threatening to form, “Okay, Aaron. Then call me Chris.”

The rigid and stern unit chief is finally enjoying himself as they carry themselves easy through the late city night. It helped that the bar is only filled to half that night. Most patrons are office workers with their buddies just gathering up to unwind. The bartender of the night shift is an old friend of Chris and he gave them a seat on the bar. The tv, people chatting and playing pool sets as a throughout mood.

They spent the night hanging out with cold craft beers and two servings of fried pickles, talking about anything and everything. Like the 4-days old news, because they pay no attention to anything else when chasing their criminal. What their plans for the weekends are, or their plans when they go home. Chris is planning to put a sheet mask, takes a long warm bath and sleeps as much as he can as he needs to work tomorrow.  Horrifyingly, Aaron’s plan when he goes home is to work on a report.

After some persuading, lowkey begging, and a few embarrassing nicknames later, Aaron promised he’ll sleep first before touching those reports.

It’s noticeable how they edge away from personal topics like family, but Chris is fine with that. It’s only the first date after all. Even as they talk about pity things like their favorite foods and embarrassing university days, the air is comfortable.

He also learned that Aaron is not that much older than him, only by three years.

Boy, how many sleepless nights and emotional baggage did Hotch carry inside those eye bags Whether or not they’ll be an item, Chris is determined to make Hotch sleep more, or at least introduce him to sunscreen.

At 5 am, Chris drives Hotch to his hotel, and stops by the lobby entrance.

“I have a great time tonight,” the older man says, with smiling eyes murdering Chris with suffocation by handsomeness.

“Me too.” He was about to say something else, but he held back. He doesn’t want to push Hotch even further from his comfort zone.

“I’ll call,” Hotch’s words came to the rescue, and Chris is back from the dead and walks the earth again.

There’s a stupid smile on Chris’ face right now, and he’s showing it all.

“Okay, I’ll hold you to that.”

Hotch opens the door before his feet even touch the asphalt below he retracts and closes the door back. A hand planted on the side of his seat and a hand frames his face, that happened so fast, but when Aaron has himself in his merciful hand, he slows down as if he hesitated.

To proof there’s nothing to hesitate about, Chris caresses the back of Aaron’s neck and pulls him close. Chris doesn’t see Aaron close his eyes when he closes his, but the man doesn’t move away. His heart jumps out of his rib cage when he feels the warm lips on top of his. Aaron still tastes strongly of yeast from the beer with a tinge of saltiness from the fried pickle.

When Chris breaths in, he smelt a tinge of perfume blending with the smell of beer. The lips pressed against him nibbles on his, leaning even closer as Aaron’s hand plays with his hair.  He can’t help the smile on his lips at the ticklish feeling on his scalp.

For a split second of their kiss, they let themselves be. He lets Aaron takes whatever he wants, no matter how little.  

When Aaron finally breaks the kiss first, they stay in a close space.

“Thank you for tonight’s date,” Aaron whispered against his lips, and Chris finally has the gut to look into Hotch’s eyes.

How mysterious are those eyes. At first sight, it’s black, only when he’s this close and the light is right, he could see the slight low saturated green on his eyes. It obliterates his heart how much Aaron seems like he’s happy. It’s an honor but, Aaron treats it like it’s the first in a long time.

It’s only a date, but it’s starting to feel less superficial.

Maybe that won’t be such a bad thing.

“Your welcome, Aaron. Anytime. I mean it,” Chris hesitantly touch  Hotch’s face, rubbing the soft wrinkles on the tail of his eye with his thumb.

Thank coincidence it’s 4 AM. They’re really taking their time in front of the lobby entrance, but no one is behind them. Still, one of them has to end the night, they got work tomorrow.

“You promised you’ll sleep first right?” Chris says.

“I promise,” Hotch replies, and he finally leans back, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Aaron slips out of his car and walks to the lobby. Even then, Aaron took his time to look back and waves as Chris drove away.

The smile on his face sticks until he falls asleep.

It’s a good night indeed.

[spoiled-truth]

A Lesson In Color Theory (A Response to Echo Gillette’s Video)

Am I a student majoring in art? Not at the moment. Do I have an art related job? Not yet. Can I still put in my two cents and provide a counterargument as to what someone says? Yes. And that’s what I’m here to do.

Echo Gillette is a YouTuber that I watch on occasion. She provides good content that I personally enjoy. However, with one of her most recent videos, “This is not BLUE (a lesson in color theory)”, I felt a seething rage watching the whole video. Why? Because she was wrong on so many levels.

Here’s a link to the video: https://youtu.be/NVhA18_dmg0

If you’re too lazy to click a link that takes you to another website, don’t worry. I gotcha!

The summary of the video is as follows: CMY are the only legit primary colors and other ones such as RBY and RBG are false. Also purple is a fake color. (Apparently).

Now I just want to clarify before delving into this post that I do not hate Echo with a burning passion. In fact, I do not hate her at all. I just want to debunk one of the most common art myths out there that Echo is spreading to the art community. 

With that out of the way, lemme tell you the true fact and then I’ll get into all the gritty detail as to why Echo’s video is in fact false:

There are in fact 3 sets of primary colors. Not just 1.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

Echo states (at around 0:51) that if you can make “these colors��� out of “this” then you’re a freaking magician.

Not including the fact that all of the colors on the left are tints (aka lighter versions of their base value), green can be made with blue and yellow, magenta can be made with primarily red and a touch of blue, and cyan can be made with blue and a touch of yellow. For identical matches, all three would have to have a ton of white mixed in with them.

So call me a magician because I used basic color mixing to get the colors you asked for.

At around 1:20, she makes the bold claim that the RBY model is based on the tradition of passing down pure misinformation. I have yet to see sources of such realities in this case.

Moving on, at around 1:48, she says that printers use CMY(K) because the CMY set of colors are the true primary colors. Which is false. I’ll delve more into why this statement is false a little later.

The 2:20 mark is where things really go up a notch. Echo tries to “prove” that you can make blue, red, and green from cyan, magenta, and yellow. 

At 2:30 exactly, she tries to prove that by mixing cyan and magenta, you can get blue.

Aaaaand she gets purple.

But not if she added so much blue--I mean, “cyan”--it canceled out what little magenta she added!

Ah, much better.

Here’s the thing. She takes a lighter blue (the paint is literally called Sky Blue) and just makes a slightly darker blue by barely adding any magenta to it. Cyan is not equal to a lighter blue, but she’s gotta sell her point, so let’s move on.

Now onto making red with yellow and magenta.

Aaaand that is pink, chief. Not red. Well, technically pink is red because pink is a tint of red, but that’s another story for another day.

However, she does say that it may be hard to see the actual color due to the camera. Like in this case here:

To me, the bottom swatch looks like a very vivid orange-red as opposed to an actual red. With paints it’s pink but with markers it’s orange-red. I’ll let the camera excuse slide.

Again, looks more orange-red than red. Depending on who you ask, magenta can actually be made with the RBY and RBG models. You make it with... red and blue. Shocker. You obviously add a lot more red than blue in these cases, but hey, don’t take it from me. Take it from this website here and this other website here. Because magenta is made with primarily red, when mixed with yellow, you’re gonna get an orange-y color, but not completely orange since there is still some blue in the mixture.

At 4:18, Echo says that because we believe that blue and yellow make green and not cyan and yellow, the blue and yellow mixture will always be more desaturated than the cyan and yellow mixture.

Can we all just agree at this point that the “cyan” Echo is using is literally a lighter blue? It’s called Sky Blue for fuck’s sake! Cyan is a mix of blue and green, not a tint of blue.

And on top of that, she chose a really dark blue, so of course the green on the top is gonna be darker and more desaturated than the one at the bottom.

At 4:40, Echo begins to literally contradict herself and it infuriates me to no end! She says, quote: “I think deep down we all know that the way we were taught color is wrong because so many people think that cyan and blue are the same color when they are vastly different hues.”

Cyan and blue are obviously not the same color, so why in the world did you treat a lighter shade of blue as cyan less than a minute ago? You are beginning to deconstruct your entire argument, Echo.

Moving on, at around 5:30, she brings up two different versions of the color wheel, the Munsell Wheel and the Triadic Color Wheel. One is science and the other one is tradition, therefore the Munsell Wheel is correct while the other one is completely false. Supposedly.

Well, if you go on the website, the site states that the Munsell Wheen is based on the RBG and CMY sets of primary colors, not the RBY set. They even state that the wheel is used for light and printing, not painting. (I have no clue why Tumblr ruined the image into an absolute blurry mess, here’s the website so you can read this yourself).

So in reality, the Munsell color wheel is for RBG and CMY while the Triadic color wheel is for RBY. Both are valid in this case, one isn’t fake while the other one’s real.

If you didn’t think I was mad before, go to 6:05 where Echo makes the outrageous claim:

“Purple is a lie. It literally doesn’t exist. It’s a color your brain makes up. That’s why purple is so rare in nature, because it’s not real.”

She literally says that. And then proceeds to debunk everything from that point on.

Also, blue is the rarest color in nature. Just saying. Not purple. All it takes is a simple Google search:

But here’s a link that goes into detail as to why this is the case.

At 6:25, Echo states that purple is the closest word in our vocabulary to magenta. So... purple and magenta are the same color? But they’re not. In the RBY and RGB sets, magenta is made via red and blue, the same two colors used to make purple. However, it’s with different ratios (a lot more red than blue). Therefore, purple and magenta aren’t the same color, they’re two different colors because they are made differently.

At 7:10, she talks about how colors are just waves of light that we perceive with our eyes. Yes, this is true. She literally says that at one end of the spectrum there’s red while at the other there’s purple. She goes on to say that every color can be assigned a number, except for magenta.

A) If purple can be assigned a color (its number is 400), that makes it a real color, correct? So why did you say it wasn’t a real color?

B) If magenta can’t be assigned a number, does it mean that it’s a color that we make up in our head and therefore isn’t a real color? Oh wait, I’m getting ahead of myself.

At 7:16, she says, and I quote:

“Magenta is a color that doesn’t have a wavelength.”

So... it’s not real then? Your entire video is crumbling and it’s crumbling quickly.

For the next while, she goes on to explain RBG and eye cone science. All of it seems to add up. She quickly says that if your green and blue cones fire off, it ‘ll make cyan.

Okay, lemme get this straight. At the beginning of the video, you picked up a light shade of blue and called it cyan. Now you’re saying that cyan and blue are two different colors? Girl, make up your mind!

Echo then goes on to explain that magenta is made by your red and blue cones firing off, but green is in the middle and those cones aren’t firing off, so it makes up the color magenta.

Once again, lemme get this straight. At the beginning of the video, you were talking about how magenta is a real color and how it’s a primary color. Now you’re saying it’s not even a real color. Please, just make up your mind! Is CMY the only set of primary colors, or are we gonna actually tell the truth and say there’s more than one set of primary colors?

Now that I’ve completely debunked Echo’s video, it’s time for part 2 of this post.

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Remember how I said in the beginning that there are in fact 3 sets of primary colors, not just 1?

When people say CMY are primary colors, they are indeed right. The whole myth that CMY is the true set of primary colors is a lie based on twisting the truth.

We have 3 sets of primary colors:

RBY

RGB

and CMY

Each set of primary colors have their own uses and purposes. Let’s start with RBY, shall we?

RBY is used in traditional media and traditional media only. Paint, markers, crayons, etc. That is why we are taught this set of primary colors in elementary school. We’re coloring with crayons and paints. This primary color set is used by any artist who does traditional art, primarily painting, but any medium that is traditional, aka not digital or printed out.

However, many many artists use a different set of primary colors: RGB

RGB is used in digital media and digital media only. It’s light as opposed to pigment. Light, screens, digital drawing. All RGB. Whenever you make digital art, you use the RGB color wheel. 

However, what if you plan on making merch of your art? Whether it’s stickers, clothing, pins, etc., if it’s being printed out, you use the CMY set of primary colors.

The CMY set is only used for printed media. Whether you’re printing out a picture or full colored document or if you’re having merch made. Either make your art CMY in your art program or you can use the RGB primary colors and then switch it afterward depending on the art program you use and if you can do that.

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In conclusion/TLDR: There isn’t one true set of primary colors that rule over. There are in fact 3 sets of primary colors that all coexist and are used in varying situations. And yes, purple is indeed a real color.

Please do not send any hate to Echo Gillette. I’m simply using her video as an example of a myth that I have seen being spread around like wildfire lately. 

If you, for whatever reason, don’t want to believe what I said because I don’t have a profession in art and is so far just a hobby and passion of mine, here’s a post where someone who has gone through art school and has a degree in art debunks a post that spread the CMY myth around.

Thank you for reading. @echoisweird​, if you’re reading this, thank you for reading this as well. I have the utmost respect for you, I just hate seeing you spread myths and lies about art.