#THOSE PEOPLE will come around and then act like im ignoring the situation with my ex and 'trying to escape responsibility'

[snekdood]

Im so tired of acting the way i think some ppl on here think i should act. Im tired of assuming theyre seeing me through the lens my ex provides for them. Im tired of feeling like nothing i say or do matters anyways because people have made up their mind about me and refuse to try to see me in another light. I know who I am and I know what im like and im tired of trying to almost essentially help people see me change my behavior for the better from something i never even was? Because i guess i feel like if i act like most people dont know about the issues between me and my ex that means other people will think im just *pretending nothing is wrong or happening*. It feels like i cant win either way. I cant play pretend as this horrible person whos trying to reform and have people allow me the chance to actually change and recognize that change and i cant also be myself and just know myself without people thinking im just ignoring this thing that isnt even a thing i need to work on or ever even fucking did. Im so tired of feeling convinced that other people are convinced im horrible and having to work from there and having to try to navigate that situation and get someone to see my side of things because ive just come to the conclusion that some people just will refuse to and idk. Theres nothing i can do in this situation. I just know i didnt deserve any of it.

[pinkbunny268]

Hi!

Could I request Lucifer x angel! F! Reader?

Reader died and went to heaven, but is very curious about hell, so she sneaks out every now and again to hell to explore it. Reader makes herself look like a sinner, and visits hotel regularly since she knows its a safe place, also wants to support charlie and the idea of redemption. So she meets Lucifer there and is fascinated with him, since he isn't at all what he was described at both in heaven and on earth.

And during the hotel fight, she reveals herself while protecting the hotel as an angel and goes against adam

Omg !! Thank you so much for the request ! Absolutely, I love this idea so much <333 I took the time to set the scene so it’ll be a bit until you actually meet Luci !! Also don’t be afraid to request anything either <333

To be honest, I didn’t think I’d end up in heaven. In my eyes, I don’t think I did anything ‘heaven worthy’ I can’t remember how or why I died but when I opened my eyes I was immediately blinded by this bright light. I squint as I try to look around and see someone walking towards me. Their silhouette making me question my vision.

Wings and a halo? Oh boy, I’m actually dead.

The mystery guy revealed himself to be Adam. THE Adam. The first man. The first anything for that matter. And he’s… not what I thought he’d be. Hes proves himself to be very arrogant and cocky. As well as crude and brass. Not exactly what you think would be on the checklist of characteristics to have to get into heaven. But, clearly, God has favorites. Oh, and top of it he flirts constantly, calling me such honestly degrading nicknames.

“Alright, sugar tits, that’s it for the tour or whatever. Got a problem, you can call me~ I’ll make time for you when I can. Im a busy guy, y’know, being the first man an’ all.”

I fight back the urge to roll my eyes.

“Uh huh… I do have a question.” I reply, ignoring his obvious attempts at flirting.

“Don’t be shy, doll face, I can answer whatever question ya got! I am THE man.” He exclaims, chest puffed out and head held high.

“So… if we’re in heaven does that mean hell also exists?” He blinks at me.

“Dumb fucking question because obviously?” He scoffs, his posture slumped. My eyes sparkle at the thought. I may not be able to remember how I died, but I know that when I was still alive I had been fascinated with hell. Just the thought of different time periods of the world’s worst people all clumped in one place. Just imagine how chaotic that would be. And Lucifer. He’s the worst of them all.

As the weeks turned into months, I had gotten closer to Adam. To the point where I learned about the exterminations one night when Adam got drunk when he had stumbled to my home for comfort. Of course, I was sworn to secrecy.

Adam taught me the spell to cast to make a portal to hell and, of course in Adam fashion, we’d occasionally go down there and I’d watched as Adam would make fun of the sinners and hellborn that lived. I’d merely chuckle at his remarks but secretly I felt bad.

But id never tell Adam that.

So began my secret trips to hell alone. I’d tuck away my wings and halo and used body paint to make myself look like a sinner. Though I was contained in the pride ring I was content seeing hell this way.

I’d get a closer look at those who died and ended up here myself and I’d get to see the rest of hell with the protection of Adam.

During one of my lone visits I was walking around town when I found myself in a bit of a situation.

“Hello sweetheart~ wanna come back to my place and have some fun?” I had heard behind me and turned around to see a sinner backing someone else to a wall. The girl looked uncomfortable and didn’t chance a chance against the guy that had cornered her.

“No, I’m good.” She said shortly and went to leave. But the guy wasn’t having it as he grabbed her arm to pull her against him. My body acted before my mind could think and I found myself standing before the guy, fist clenched with blood on it as the man was on the ground. The girl had disappeared without a word. And I was suddenly hit with this Deja Vu feeling. Like, I’d been in this situation before.

Suddenly, I felt afraid. I went to go but the man I grabbed my ankle causing me to fall. I felt fear as I heard the man speak but I didn’t register what he said. All I knew was that I had to leave before I either got hurt or exposed.

As my very limited options raced through my mind, the man had let go. I looked over at him only to see two women standing in his place.

One was a blonde girl who had knelt down to my level, her eyes filled with concern as she gently placed a hand on top of mine.

“Are you ok?” She asked as she pulled me to my feet.

“We should go before that asshole comes back.” The other girl said, her voice low. The blonde girl looked to me her eyes pleading.

“Come with us, you’ll be save I promise.” I just nodded and allowed them both to lead me to what was a hotel. We entered and the blonde sat me on a couch. “Are you hurt? How’s your ankle? That man had quite the hold on you.”

“I’m fine…” I mumbled. “Thank you, by the way. For saving me.” The blonde smiled.

“Of course! I’m Charlie by the way and the other girl is my girlfriend, Vaggie. We saw how you rushed in to defend that girl. You were amazing!” She praised, stars in her eyes with a big smile. I give her a crooked one in return.

“Anyone would have done that I’m not-“

“No, they wouldn’t.” Vaggie interjected. “Not only because people down here suck but also because it’s not their business. Also, no one else was around. You’re lucky we were or else you could’ve ended up hurt.” Charlie let out a nervous chuckle.

“What she means is you were super brave but should be careful… people aren’t as nice as you.” She gives me a soft smile before getting up and walking over to Vaggie and drags her to a different room. They spoke in hushed whispers before I hear Vaggie sigh and Charlie let out an excited squeal. She races back to me and with a big smile asks me, “How do you feel about sinners being redeemed? Do you think it’s possible?”

“Um… possibly? I mean, if there’s any as nice as you two then I do.”

And that’s where it truly started. I had met the rest of the people who lived in that hotel and I can honestly say they are some of the best people I’ve met. Some were a bit odd like their housekeeper Nifty. But she’s a cutie. They acted nothing like how those made as sinners were supposed to. And him.

Lucifer.

He puzzled me most of all. When I had heard that he was coming to the hotel to possibly help out I felt frightened. He was a fallen Angel, there’s no way he wouldn’t be able to sniff me out. And on top of that, it’s Lucifer! Ruler of Hell which holds all of Earths worst people! But again, like the others he wasn’t what I was told he was like at all.

Adam had described him as “The absolute fucking worst!” Though, I’d say Adam’s a little biased, for good reason, but still.

I found him to be sweet and a little awkward. He was easy to talk to as he made an effort to get to know not only Charlie, which I found out was his daughter, but also the rest of us. And I found myself enjoying his company. Any time I had to go back to Heaven I felt sad. I missed everyone at the hotel. I missed him. Everytime I was at the hotel I was practically glued to Lucifer’s side. I found him so fascinating. He was nothing like I had imagined.

As you can expect, we had gotten close as the Extermination date was drawing near and I was happy yet scared for what was to come. Adam’s fucking attitude towards it all made it hard to keep quiet but I somehow found the patience.

Lucifer even showed me around the Pride Ring and all that it had to offer in terms of fun one day. Just the two of us… alone.

“You know… you’re a lot of fun.” He said randomly as we walked back to the hotel.

“Oh, yeah?” I said with a nervous tone. “Thanks…”

“You’re not like the other sinners…” He replied in a deep tone before his eyes widen. “I-I mean that, you’re like, uh pretty cool! Very nice! Good person to hang around!” He says quickly with a nervous chuckle, he cheeks redder than usual.

“Oh, um, thank you, sir. You’re pretty cool yourself…” with an awkward smile, I playfully punch his shoulder. As I’m retracting my hand, he grabs my wrist and keeps it close to him. His sudden grip on my wrist brings me down to his level.

“Please… don’t call me sir. Just call me Lucifer.” He says breathlessly, as if he’s begging for me to refer to him as Lucifer, not just a request. His cheeks were slightly pink and he looked at me through half-lidded eyes. He looked so soft.

And here I thought I couldn’t get anymore fascinated with him. I could replay that moment forever… well, until an annoying voice ruined it and pulled me out of the fond memory.

“All right bitches! Time to fuck shit up!” Adam yelled as the portal to hell opened and they all dove in. Spears, battle axes and whatever else they used to kill those souls in hand. Before it had closed I rushed in and flew straight to the hotel, not that I had to go far since the portal was opened beside the hotel.

I quickly flew down near some rubble to hide and watched as the Angels attacked before a barrier was put up around the hotel. I could hear Adam screaming at (presumably) Lute that he obviously can’t see the giant fucking forcefield in front of them, which made me chuckle.

I stayed hidden for the majority of the fight, as I wasn’t equipped to really do anything and I was afraid to get in the way. At some point, the barrier had been taken down by Adam. However, when I saw Adam pick Charlie up by her throat I knew I had to act.

Taking off my disguise and letting my wing’s stretch as well as allowing my halo to show itself once more, I fly over to Adam and Charlie and snatch Charlie from Adam’s grasp. I fly her a good enough distance from Adam, still in the air and in my arms.

“Y/n..? You’re an.. angel?” Charlie says in awe, her eyes wide. I give her a sheepish smile.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to-“

“You fucking traitor!” Adam yells as he collects himself. “Fuckers like you aren’t ever allowed back into heaven you fucking bitch!” He declares as he flies back up and heads straight at us, his axe gripped tight in his hand.

My eyes widen in surprise and fear as turn my body, shielding Charlie with my body as i prepare for impact. But it never came. Instead, I hear Adam struggle before turning my head, Charlie still in my arms as I watch Lucifer throw Adam into the sign on top of the building.

“Dad!” Charlie yells as Lucifer flies down closer to us. He smiles at Charlie.

“Sorry I was late, sweetie.” His eyes flicker up to mine, a look of surprise and awe held in them as he stares at me. I feel myself blush slightly.

“Oh my… you’re…”

“An angel, I know I’m sorry-“

“Beautiful.” He finishes, eyes still staring at me with such a look of admiration I almost dropped Charlie. Out the corner of my eye I see Adam picking himself back up, half of his mask torn apart showing off his really face.

He goes on into a rant about how we should be worshipping him, he’s the first man, blah blah blah. Until a knife is plugged into his back and out of his stomach. He falls to the ground and Lute rushes to his aid, screaming his name.

My eyes tear up at the sight of Adam dying in Lutes arm. Lucifer gently grabs my hand and I quietly cry into his shoulder. After a few moments, he practically kicks the Exterminators out. Many of them hurt or wounded in some way and Lute grabs Adam’s halo and flies off, the portal closing behind them.

For the time being after that was spent rebuilding the hotel and mourning the loss of those who died. Once the hotel had been built I again found myself with Lucifer. We sat beside each other, his hand on top of mine. I looked at him, my eyes soft as I studied his face.

He was still as fascinating to me as when I first met him. And I’m so happy that I get to learn more about him now that I’m permanently staying in hell.

I hope you like this! It didn’t really go in the direction I wanted it to and I thought about rewriting it a few times but I think I turned out pretty alright! Forgive me if anything you wanted was left out, it’s been a while since I’ve done a request <333

.

[puppygirlirl]

"i need to figure out why i have such bad insomnia recently it's becoming a real issu-" (the sleep deprivation finally reaches the core of my brain and consumes the last crumbs of my sanity) "...there's clearly only one answer, im becoming a vampire and i hunge-" (imagines a homoerotic scene of me biting a girls neck while we embrace each other tighter than either of us have ever felt before) "ii might need to go to a ddoctor actually i dont feel very go-" (an image of me dying in bed as the love of my love cups my face forces its way into my mind, she leans in for one last kiss and-

before the thought ends i collapse to the ground dead, rats swarm my body and instantly turn my corpse into a perfectly cleaned skeleton. the audience claps, the children scream in terror, and my wife watches on with tears in her eyes, knowing i didn't want it to be this way in the end.

she mourns for a couple of months, cry's when she smells pumpkin spice for the first time since i died. "it was always her favorite" she thinks, looking down at the overpriced latte she got to feel like i might still be there, even if it's just for a second. the feeling is fleeting, and just leaves her hollow again. nothing could replace the woman she loved, especially not some shitty coffee.

after a beat of staring into the cup she was holding a bit too tight, a tear dripped into the foam, then another, then so many she couldn't really see the coffee anymore. a rage washed over her, why her, why her wife. "those fucking rats, she didn't deserve this" she thinks as her hand finally tightens just too much, crushing the foam container in her hand. it burns a little, but she doesn't really notice. it all just hurt too much. it wasn't fair. none of this was fair.

the papers keep hailing the whole situation as "the best performance art ever done", praising the brave girl for sacrificing herself for her art, losing everything just to put across such a striking message. the truth though was that none of it was planned. she knew her wife's death wasn't on purpose, the stress must have gotten to her. those long sleepless nights where that driven, stupid girl would stay up to get her routine just right, being begged to come to bed and get some rest just to ignore her for the sake of her art.

the anger shifted to her late wife. "it was so preventable, if she only took care of herself, you fucking idiot, why'd you have to leave like this." her thoughts kept racing, none of this made sense. they both should have been happy together, they should be cuddling on their couch together watching 60's horror movies and laughing at the bad acting. they should be safe in each others arms. they should be together. but they weren't. they never would be again.

there's a part of her that wonders if it was on purpose. if she died just to put on such a big show. immortalizing herself as a martyr for the people, a grim showing of what the world has come to, and what it takes for people to be entertained even if it kills the artist in the process, literally consumed by the rats begging for whatever scraps of life they can get. it doesn't really matter, the outcome doesn't change. she's alone now, and she had to deal with that.

suddenly, i burst out from behind the counter of the cafe and scream "GOTCHA!!". fireworks go off around me, everyone in the cafe begins losing their minds, i was alive the whole fuckin time.

initially, my wife screams in confusion and fear at the visage of her wife she's presumed was rotting in the ground for months at this point, but slowly, her expression softens. the room goes silent for a moment, and a shaky smile washes over her face. she walks up to me with tears still staining her cheeks, and cups my face, just like in the last vision i had. her hands move down slowly to my throat, and before i can react, she starts squeezing.

she was always stronger then me, but even with the pure adrenaline running through my veins, i couldn't get her hands to budge. the acrylic nails she got the day before were digging into my skin, drawing blood and making the sensation even more terrifying. the smile never left her face, it just got stronger. a giggle escaped from her pained smirk, then a full on chuckle. my vision started to go blurry as my hands weakly push her away, and her laugh grows louder and stronger. i looked her in the eyes one more time as the light left my own, and all i saw was rage. "what did i do so wrong" was the last thought that crossed my mind as the lack of oxygen finally shut me off for good, and i dropped to the ground. the rats come back, and clean my corpse once more.

the restaurant erupts in cheers and laughter, "she did it again!" they holler, already posting videos of the event to social media. my wife drops to the ground, holds my bones close and sobs, praying that the rats take her this time too.

[oletusfragments]

if you found the anon with the pre-manor mike rq im sorry i forgot the emoji ;v;

💫 pre-manor mike's reaction to his s/o passing away during the hullabaloo massacre

there we go- ignore that i forgot the emoji-

and once again, i hope you have a nice day :]]

— IN MY HEART AND IN MY HEAD; TELL ME WHY THIS HAS TO END

᠂ — angst — gender neutral reader — before manor — ᠂

"My Y/N is strong! They would never die from a stupid fire! They're fine, they'll be fine! Check again! You're wrong!" Mike exclaims at the paramedic, his tone despairing–trembling. Persistently denying the nightmare happening. His whole body shakes from the sob he tries to resist. No, he won't cry. Because this isn't real. It's not real.

How could this happen? What in the world happened when he left?

Mike runs faster than he ever did when he heard the breaking news. The bag of stuff he bought was long forgotten behind him. Screw that, something–someone was more important.

He prays to any god that hears him that everything is alright. That when he arrives you'll be there with your same comforting smile telling him that you're all okay. Damn the tent or even his career. As long as it's not you. Those things can just be replaced anyway. Or better yet, nothing is wrong and the fire was just a measly flame.

But there's nothing left to replace. What is left of his home is nothing but barren wastes and ashes. The whole area of the hullabaloo circus tent is surrounded by yellow barrier tape. Sirens and discussions of investigations by the police and other staff could be heard everywhere. Burned...cause...crime...survivors...deaths. Their words and voices felt deafening and Mike wanted badly to pull his air out. His beloved home became a wretched crime scene, and it made him feel sick.

Even with the hopeless situation, Mike tries to wish for a miracle to happen. That this is all a dream. All of this is a big joke played by the amount of pranks he has done to his colleagues.

You all managed to get him guys, you can drop the act now.

Come on, he's at his wits end. So get up from that stretcher Y/N.

"Come on...get up." Mike's voice trembles when he is met with what has become of you. Your burnt corpse, in front of his teary eyes lay unmoving despite his plea. Perhaps the universe gave their shred of mercy to spare your face to stay recognizable. But he didn't want to see your face, not like this. He wants to see you without those burnt marks, your chest to move up and down to signify you're still breathing, for your eyes to be open staring back at his own. Anything that indicates that you're alive.

"Urgh...Come on! Open your eyes!" Tell him you're all right. The blonde desperately shakes your body on the stretcher. His tears falling to your chest and his pupils staring directly to your closed ones. Just open them already, you've gone too far with this prank–he thinks.

A couple people stare at him with pity, others shaking their heads. Those aren't the gazes he wanted to receive. He wanted happy ones, like the gazes of joy and amazement as he performs in the circus. He wants yours. The same ones that made his heart soar, set flowers blossoming in his heart. He wants you to prove them wrong–that he doesn't need their pity because you're all right. Prove that his creeping doubts are unreal.

A paramedic comes towards him, "Sir, I am very sorry for your loss. Regrettably, we ask you to step away so the removal technician could transport them to the morgue."

Mike shoots a wild glare at the paramedic. He shakes his head frantically while he holds your body close to him. Not letting any of the ones around him touch you, take you away from him. More tears escape his eyes and his voice trembles as he realizes how cold you feel, that there's no signs of breathing from you. "No! No! What are you saying?! I don't believe this–!"

Mike wants to cover his ears, preventing himself from hearing about what he refuses to acknowledge. But he doesn't want to let go of you.

"My Y/N is strong! They would never die from a stupid fire! They're fine, they'll be fine! Check again! You're wrong!" Mike exclaims, his tone desperate–trembling. Persistently denying the nightmare happening. His whole body shakes from the sob he tries to resist. No, he won't cry. Because this isn't real. It's not real.

But slowly, the wall of delusion he built cracks like his sanity when the harsh truth pokes through and send stabs to his breaking heart. His patience for everything is already thinning. He wants to lash out at everyone in the scene right now. Tell them to get out, to stop what they're doing, not take the last of what he loved the most.

"But sir—"

"Stop! Shut up! They're not—everyone is—they're all–" gone.

Mike stays silent for a moment before letting out a loud sob, choking on his tears, and lets out a scream full of frustration.

He stutters out your name numerous times, still not letting go of you. "Please, Y/N—please, just–!" Mike begs, as if you were to come back alive if he pleads hard enough. He holds your cold hand firmly, dead and devoid of the warmth he craved dearly. And like his hopes and the last of his joy, he completely falls apart. "Wake up, please!"

You were always there whenever he needed you. Behind the curtains, when he craved for sincere love, you were always there to give it to him. Always running and tending to him immediately whenever he needed help. But when he badly needed you the most, why aren't you waking up?

You were always there for him, so where was he when you needed him?

Countless guards had helped to retract his body from your corpse, firm grasps attempt to pull him away from you. Mike panics, fiercely thrashing around and pushing away the people that came near him. No, he doesn't want to let go of you. Not yet, not ever. This, what was left of you, something he never wants to lose. He won't admit that this will be goodbye.

He became so desperate. Even with the bruises and weary arms, Mike endured them all. After all, the pain he felt from others will never rival the pain of his broken heart. He begged the others to stop taking you away from him. To let them have you in his arms for a little longer. He hugged your body tightly, crying to your neck. Relishing the shred of comfort left from your lifeless body.

He was too stubborn that the polices agreed to let him mourn until he's had enough. Eventually, Mike fell asleep from the exhaustion of his own grief beside your eternally resting one. And with the opportunity, they pried you out of his hold.

The time he let his guard down, the time where he takes his eyes off you for a moment, you were gone from his grasp again—for good.

When he woke up from a place different from the circus, did the previous events fall on him all at once. And in that moment he realized, His home was no more. Everything, everyone is gone. And you are not coming back.

[ don't worry anon! It doesn't bother me at all. And thank you for fixing your mistake! And I wish you a great day too :D ]

CR: artwork from official Identity v account. Title are lyrics from Atlantis by Seafret.

[northsealight]

Hey, when you said RHATO Jason is the worst version on your last ask, were you referring to the first comic, second comic, or the Webtoon? (Honestly annoyed the Webtoon took that name, makes things even more confusing)

I have problems with all 3 (Webtoon most of all for sure, with the second and first switching places behind it based on what characters or plots I’m thinking about tbh), but I was just curious haha

oh. oh. oh you're not ready for this. I've been trying this entire week to find a good time to air out my thoughts:

so! in my opinion (again, this is not shaming anyone for liking what they like! if you happen to like RHATO!jason all the more power to you! dont read this!) all three reiterations of RHATO!Jason .. are not great. the one I think might have potential to be salvaged is the second one with Artemis and bizarro! (although roy harper is in my heart of hearts)

the way Jason is written in rhato... the rhato written by Scott Lobdell anyway, (who is actually a sexual predator and when you start to think even a LITTLE about how the women are written in RHATO makes so much sense) portrays Jason as yet another cookie cutter anti-hero-deadpool-esque personality who's mainly confined by the narrative restraints of his character.

I say this because hes so.... the way he goes about his vigilantism is so .. shallow. It's like the narrative is finding excuses to make him violent so the reader can be stimulated with Michale Bay explosions lol. You hardly see any stories in there where Jason is an actual champion for the people, and you hardly see his background as a street kid come into play... its like... he became... a vigilante because....he knows how the system can fail those... alienated and forgotten by those sworn to protect them... and thus channels his energy into said people through acts of radical protection... (also because the whole bruce thing yeah I know)

I keep thinking about injustice!Jason's monologue where he literally says something along the lines of "while bruce and clark were fighting I fought for the people who were being caught up in the whole thing" like if that doesn't just tell you who he is idk what will! and sure, injustice isn't Jason source material, so look at under the red hood! he literally becomes a drug kingpin TO CONTROL crime ... and then instead of getting these immense shows of care he has for the community in RHATO, we get panels like this:

like ok get it I guess 😭😭😭😭

this is the new and improved Jason!! he's suave.. hes American... he's... just like every other antihero now!!

I don't know how to explain it without sounding like an idiot- best bet is to read the comics yourself to kinda get what im saying! but even rebirth Jason is (kind of) getting what RHATO Jason doesn't-- he's a product of his huge heart. rebirth Jason has countless stories where we see how Jason ACTUALLY operates as red hood, and what his symbol means to the citizens of Gotham!

if you pour too much grit and "edginess" into Jason, then you kind of miss what he's all about- he can still be silly and sarcastic! in fact, one of my favorite Jason moments is from red hood: lost days, a series where he's portrayed as an edgy, "misfit" ruffian:

like. hello this is hilarious. and we can still have moments like these while balancing his emotional range as a vigilante that's motivated by his big fat heart! (ignoring the fact that he slept with Talia in the next issue 😭 Jason fans can't have shit 😭)

but anyway! ill likely add more when I'm not feeling so tired, but god!! is it so hard to show Jason's propensity for kindness!! is it so hard to realize that his character to the core is revolved around a deep understanding for others based on personal experience!!

there's a reason why DC (in the rare moments when they know what to do with his character) always writes stories with Jason consoling children, or Jason being good with kids in dangerous situations!

it's because he's been there before. he's felt the grief and confusion of being helpless in a situation of his control. he's felt the consequences of adults who were supposed to protect and raise him! he's been killed for daring to cling on to the notion of trust even after all he's been through!

and I don't know, I think his dedication to the people, children especially, is his way of forgiving himself- his way of telling little Jason that it wasn't his fault.

[sonicattos]

Ok I apologize for how long this is but I read your post about npd and I have some thoughts I want to share. First, yeah that screenshot is gross and ableist. With ya on that. Making fun of someone for having a disorder is wrong, full stop. Also, I agree that it's wrong to call someone narcissistic just because they're abusive. Not all abusers are narcissists and vice versa.

HOWEVER. Many of the symptoms of clinical narcissism relate to how people interact with others. And the reason they are regarded as "symptoms" is because truly narcissistic folks relate to others in an abusive way. If people with narcissism did not typically display abusive and/or manipulative behavior they would have nothing to be diagnosed with.

I'm a victim of abuse by a narcissistic person. (Notice I don't say they have NPD. I'm not "armchair diagnosing for sympathy" here.) That person was not simply abusive for no reason. They were abusive BECAUSE they had narcissistic traits such as having little regard for others. I genuinely fail to see how saying this would be hateful or ableist. I can tell that you feel very passionate about this, but as someone who has been on the receiving end of abuse by a narcissistic person, I feel that your post is implying that this kind of abuse doesn't exist, or worse, that people who say they have suffered it are making it up. I know there are a LOT of people who throw around the term narcissist and don't know what they're talking about. But there are also people who truly have been abused by narcissists. And they're not lying for attention.

Don't feel pressured to respond and I apologize for the wall of text. I just have strong feelings about the subject and wanted to share.

1) please don’t take words from my mouth. i never. EVER. said that the abused are making up being abused. i come from a very abusive household that i STILL live in. my mom and my sister used to fucking beat me. i was starved. i was denied any medical help for illness. im isolated. i was groomed into believing that i was more mature than i was and wasn’t treated with the care a child could have. i was and still am constantly told how useless i am and how my mental/physical issues are my fault. my parents never cared and only did things that benefit themselves. i would never deny that someone could hurt someone and i never had. jesus fucking christ.

2) i study psychology. i know i can’t just prove that by saying it but you have to take my word for it i genuinely look deep into this stuff, as it’s a special interest of mine. you come from a place of ignorance of the situation as a whole. never call someone with “narcissistic traits” (aka abusive traits) a narcissist. it’s a medical term. again. call it what it is: abuse. there are other ways to describe that abuse than labeling it as such. narcissism is supposed to be a neutral term to describe traits of npd, not how someone is acting.

3) no. you don’t have to be abusive to be diagnosed with npd. there are many symptoms and tendencies that come with the disorder and it’s also a spectrum just like any other disorder.

npd describes a disorder of someone who has an inflated self-importance. besides putting others down to lift themselves up, they can also try to lift themselves up in a way that’s unrealistic or may seem “prideful”, try getting other’s attention by doing something good or dramatic. narcissism comes from a place of abuse from their elders, either emotional neglect or lack of teaching of responsibility. it affects those who lack empathy or even other mental illness’, which again, doesn’t mean you are an abuser or a bad person.

how would they get diagnosed? perhaps they’re hurting themselves. maybe they have constant breakdowns for not getting attention. etc. a dramatic event of abuse doesn’t have to happen for a psychologist to figure out someone has npd.

4) the entire point of the post is to tell fucking people to stop using a word that they learned on the internet and didn’t look up what it meant maybe besides the fucking saneist articles vilifying narcissistic people instead of educating one what the disorder actually is.

people with npd deserve sympathy as much as any other person. they deserve help and awareness as well. narcissism isn’t a word to pass around like table salt. it’s a real thing that people suffer with. they’re hurt. they believe if they don’t do something that they’re not worth anything. yes a lot of them become abusers because people who are abusive have most likely been abused. but not every person who’s been abused is abusive.

[chanstopher]

(for some reason I can ask via my fan account(

But I just want to say I feel you with the stay and KPop fandom comments. I see so many taking it too far and can't seem to recognise that they are creating parasocial relationships in their heads and narrative around situations they had a 2% outsider view of what's happened - and yet they act like they are coming from facts and reading the minds of others. I find it baffling.

I'm a LOT older, but it's always been nice connecting to those from different age groups via fandoms before. However, KPop ones really push me away from engaging. I try and recall back to my younger days with being in fandoms of pop groups and whilst there may have been issues between people from time to time, I don't recall anything to the level I see in Kpop where people get lynched and fans seemed to have had a firm grasp of reality and their place in terms of being a fan and crossing a celebrities boundaries. I don't think KPop stan's behaviour to be new, but in the age of social media and information being so easily accessible, it seems to have amplified certain types of behaviours and attitudes or, probably more likely, groomed and encouraged certain fan attitudes. I dunno.

someday tumblr will work fully. idk if its a sideblog or just tumblr being insane lol

I do feel like in the 2010"s it was a lot easier to find a corner of any fandom you could just be happy in, but with how many (negative) opinions ppl project constantly now its a lot harder, and then we all get sad about lack of engagement without thinking that maybe its the vobes we give off. like if ur rude or closed off or wont take someone elses opinion ppl are going to be afraid to engage and its sad. when i have a 1d blog i had maybe 4k followers at its peak and i would have dozens of asks a day because ppl were so engaged with everything all the time. now if someone dislikes a song they get death threats lmao. i think its why i make sure to answer asks and talk to anyone who tries to talk to me, i dont want ppl to have such a sad fandom experience. I remember being so excited when big accounts talked to me and were kind and helpful that i always felt like it was part of the experience. like the bigger my blog is the more i feel responsible for being accessible and welcoming because i want that so much for other ppl. i just dont get the amount of hostility and bitchiness that comes alnog with social media now. not that i dont get pissed off or dislike things or even ppl, i just try not to focus on it beyond the necessity (like ppl stealing content or stories)

i will say i find it to be such a weird thing that when i was a teen liking 1d i was so excited they had adult fans (as long as it wasnt weird ppl iykyk) but now a 15 year old will be like you who are the same age as that idol how weird for you to like them?! and im like...... what? i hated ppl thinking the things i liked were a teen or childhood phase when i was young and now ppl get so aggressive about it in the opposite way i get so confused lol in the end im just happy to have my happy little corner where i can ignore all of the weird ass behavior the rest of the internet seems so happy to engage in lol

[middleschoolfursona]

literal tears are running down my face as i scroll thru your blog. on it it it feels like im back home.

i just wanna go back man. i just wanna be a kid running around on feralheart and drawing my ocs again and watching silly movies with my friends. it feels like im living a lie every single day of my life since then.

it hurts and fills me with so much shame to say that i feel like a kid, like i stopped mentally aging in like 2012, 2014 at the latest. the dysphoria is strangling. i dont want to describe it but yeah it sucks so bad.

i cant tell anyone in my life this in detail. cus i can feel the callouts. the sneers. the performative disgust. the gleeful hatred. everyone turning on me and making me into a joke. but this experience is so viscerally terrible and real and i cant just get over it and i cant choose to get better. i hate it.

youre the first person ive ever seen who seemed like theyd actually understand and its just overwhelming bcus it felt like i was completely alone. so i just wanted to say thanks for the catharsis of showing me im not beyond understanding. but im sorry if this is all selfish or upsetting. the last thing i wanna do is hurt or upset anyone, so feel free to ignore and delete.

thank you for ur blog and i hope you have a great day/week/month/year/life/forever <3

anon, im so so sorry i didnt answer this one sooner. i kept thinking, "when i get on desktop" but i never ended up back on desktop until i got this new monitor (win!)

i totally feel you, im glad i can bring you (though maybe bittersweet) comfort.

dysphoria and even feelings of 'transness' in places of identity other than gender and sex absolutely exist and are valid, and its really too bad its so stigmatized. you have my <3 and you have my thoughts. its tough, and theres more of us than youd think, hopefully, its an amount that comforts you... and i hope, you can find people who relate to you and you can share trust with and happy memories.

"performative disgust' is a topic i bring up a lot in this kinda discoursing. if i may, its pretty western too.. the need to be combative causes a strange sort of lash-out-culture, where people arent even neccisarily uninformed, its a lack of desire to be informed at all, and instead perform hatred for the acknowledgement of their peers. id know. it was me once. terrible and toxic situation, but its eaten the internet in many spaces....

its tough feeling trapped, unable to move forwards and feeling like youre "wrong". being disabled and growing up disabled makes those kinds of remarks and implications said by some people extra painful to me. and i know lots of us who feel dysphoria surrounding our facets of the self, both gender or non-gender, are neurodivergant as well, and as someone who was in special education, and then my school dropped me by force because i just "wouldnt" do my math, i know how painful it can feel both inside, but then to come forward and have people act like "just move forward" "just understand" "well you can never go back so just be here instead"... its painful.

i hope that between the time you sent this and now, youvbe found someone to be open to... if not, you can send me your discord off anon (wont pub) and we can chat there if you need it... youre certainly not alone anon, just the haters want you to feel that way. dont give in. do your best!

[borathae]

DONE WITH ANOTHER EXAM u know what that means???

Chapter 34

fuck where is yoongi 😭😭😭kook come to ur senses please

OMG YOONGI wait did he just come because of kook, bruh we could have made out like a week ago 😔✊🏻

omg im so scared and nervous i wanna cry even tho its kook being scolded

NO DONT KILL HIM WTF YOONGI NO

“Thanks, but I can manage myself. I did so splendidly in the last two weeks” fr

He made you believe that he abandoned you. And now he is back. the entire para just summed up what we all felt Your anger feels so misplaced. Yoongi had a lot going on. After a millennia he felt again. He must have been so overwhelmed. Who knows what guilt and pain he went through those past two weeks. that is also true and idk what to feel aaaah feeling the pain of both people. DAMN U JUST PORTRAYED THAT SO WELL AND SUBTLE I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE IT

Where are those goddamn band aids FUCKING REAL U CAN NEVER FIND IT WHEN U NEED IT and u will find it in the same room, same drawer a week later 🥲

You made him turn his emotions on. It was your fault that he left in the first place. Be angry at yourself, that’s what you should do. its not exactly your fault, just a situation that had to happen

“Stupid bathroom!” you yell, throwing another cabinet closed. #justiceforcabinet2024

wow why is he so chill all of a sudden *trust issues be working on overtime

Is that what Jungkook could have too? 😭😭 yoongi pls dont leave again, i wanna be extra proud of kook

oh kook is sleeping for now (wtf i felt like a mama bird for a second there)

“Yes?” he exclaims, turning around almost excitedly. sir whats going on?? is it the emotions??? omg he is a pookie pls i love him bing bang boong forgiven already, who left for 2 weeks? nobody, idk such a thing

Now that he is so close again, you have forgotten everything you had wanted to tell him. oh it wasnt just me lol

“Doesn’t matter, I’m back now”, OK THATS IT FOLKS HE IS GOING TO LEAVE AGAIN 😭😭😭

oh a new plant 😭

Is he just staring? Oh dear. He is. PLEASE OUR SHY KITTY 😭😭

Oh how excited he sounds without even noticing that he does. 😭😭 do you want all of us to just cry every damn line? cuz u had done it

Yoongi is by your side, pretending to do the same while in reality he was looking at your face the whole time. HA SIMP ALERT (pls simp more we are simping for it)

“It’s not bad”, he agrees. You scoff, “such enthusiasm” Yoongi stumbles after you down the path, grumbling quietly. he is such a tsundere kitty i cant OFC HE LOVES HAND HOLDING NEVER LET GO

They are so bloody tiring” mood but numbness is too scary soo..

“They’re flowers, I don’t see any difference”, he grumbles, I LOVE HIM AND THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM I LOVE THEIR BICKER OVER SORRY HIS GRANDPA RUN AAAAH *watches a compilation

YOONGI BOONGI YAY HE ACCEPTED IT HAHA CUTIE PIE

“Forget it. I didn’t want to do it anyway”, i was cackling until i remembered this is how i act with mom, oh mom im sorry

YAY THEY ARE GOING GROCERY SHOPPING ALL DOMESTIC shit taehyung my baby 😭😭 THE JACKET RAAAAH

damn 1963, my mom wasnt born yet

no yoongi we dont growl here pls *blinks 😃😄😃 🫠 “he’s having a phase, please ignore him.” A PHASE STOP 😭

he is trying his hardest to stifle a laugh. THE JOKE PLS I LOVE HER HAHA guess he is going to have a hard time doing that

WE KISSED IN THE SNOW YIPEE YIPPEEE YIPPEEE YEEHAW HEE HOOO ✨🧚🏻🎆🎇💖😍🤩😻

ACCEPT THE COMPLIMENT YOONGLES YOURE A PRETTY MF GOT IT???

HOLY SHIT IT WAS A SPY DAMN WE JUST SAW A MURDER i literally just shivered

oh this time he answers her questions properly thats a difference hm

WTF OOF DAMN I - (did ever tell u that i love your writing and this bombastic story?)

It is not every day that you watch someone get beheaded or find out that someone wanted to fuck your dead body fr im still shivering and goosebumps are still there.

i love when they do vampire zoom haha

I’ve just lived long enough to have learned the skill.” Tae: 😃 ALSO IM SORRY YOONGI I LOVE THAT YOU CAME BACK but when is tae getting out?? 👉🏻👈🏻 great TAE MY BABY IM SORRY 😭😭 I CANT DO ANYTHING

“Are you manipulating me? she may or may not do that, but can she actually do that to you? yeah she cant so stop saying this

GREAT HE LEFT AGAIN WHERE ARE U NOW

i love when they talk, like everything just gets deeper, both her and him, the plot

OMG YOONGI wait did he just come because of kook, bruh we could have made out like a week ago 😔✊🏻

fjasdjf no he was genuinely in the midst of coming back when he suddenly heard the noises and then just came running 😭

He made you believe that he abandoned you. And now he is back. the entire para just summed up what we all felt Your anger feels so misplaced. Yoongi had a lot going on. After a millennia he felt again. He must have been so overwhelmed. Who knows what guilt and pain he went through those past two weeks. that is also true and idk what to feel aaaah feeling the pain of both people. DAMN U JUST PORTRAYED THAT SO WELL AND SUBTLE I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE IT

NO BUT I AM SO :( FOR BOTH OF THEM :((

You made him turn his emotions on. It was your fault that he left in the first place. Be angry at yourself, that’s what you should do. its not exactly your fault, just a situation that had to happen

the way you can see the learned guilt in her and in everything she does :(

wow why is he so chill all of a sudden *trust issues be working on overtime

I feel like he is just really nervous and trying not to scare her away with too much movement :(((

“Yes?” he exclaims, turning around almost excitedly. sir whats going on?? is it the emotions??? omg he is a pookie pls i love him bing bang boong forgiven already, who left for 2 weeks? nobody, idk such a thing

of course it's the emotions heheh <3 he is in loveeee <3

oh a new plant 😭

HE IS IN LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Is he just staring? Oh dear. He is. PLEASE OUR SHY KITTY 😭😭

I LOVE HIGMMGMGM

Oh how excited he sounds without even noticing that he does. 😭😭 do you want all of us to just cry every damn line? cuz u had done it

jfasdjf me fr fjadsjfa

Yoongi is by your side, pretending to do the same while in reality he was looking at your face the whole time. HA SIMP ALERT (pls simp more we are simping for it)

HE IS SO SWEET AND CUTE AND IN LOVEEEEEE

“It’s not bad”, he agrees. You scoff, “such enthusiasm” Yoongi stumbles after you down the path, grumbling quietly. he is such a tsundere kitty i cant OFC HE LOVES HAND HOLDING NEVER LET GO

no but I love him so much!!!!!!

They are so bloody tiring” mood but numbness is too scary soo..

100% :( gosh my boongie :(

“They’re flowers, I don’t see any difference”, he grumbles, I LOVE HIM AND THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM I LOVE THEIR BICKER OVER SORRY HIS GRANDPA RUN AAAAH *watches a compilation

same same same !!! I love him so much !!!!

damn 1963, my mom wasnt born yet

lmaoa mine was like 2 and my dad 3 kfadkf

no yoongi we dont growl here pls *blinks 😃😄😃 🫠 “he’s having a phase, please ignore him.” A PHASE STOP 😭

THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BAHAHHAHAH

he is trying his hardest to stifle a laugh. THE JOKE PLS I LOVE HER HAHA guess he is going to have a hard time doing that

I LOVE HIM HE IS SO IN LOVEE

WE KISSED IN THE SNOW YIPEE YIPPEEE YIPPEEE YEEHAW HEE HOOO ✨🧚🏻🎆🎇💖😍🤩😻

I genuinely love this chapter so much 😭😭

HOLY SHIT IT WAS A SPY DAMN WE JUST SAW A MURDER i literally just shivered

HE IS SO COOL FOR MURDER THOUGH :)

i love when they do vampire zoom haha

lmaooa me

“Are you manipulating me? she may or may not do that, but can she actually do that to you? yeah she cant so stop saying this

I feel like she can JFAJDFJ he is way too smitten for her JFJADSFJ

i love when they talk, like everything just gets deeper, both her and him, the plot

SAME SAME SAME !!!! I LOVE THEMEEEEEE !!

[aces-solace]

Impartial sins

chapter 5: Emotionless emotions

Warnings: language, short, mentions of past trauma. I think that's it.

Recap: “There are more but those are the most common” Azrial says. “There's also… mm.. nevermind” I say, cutting myself off. “Come on Azrial, I'm tired” I say, pulling his arm towards the door. “Oh, ok! We'll see you guys tomorrow!” He says.

-----------

“Hey Ace, can I take over for a bit?” I ask. I still need to make that pact with Mammon and Ace doesn't know about it yet. Ugh… I'm so dead after this. “Mmm.. yeah sure, just go to bed at a reasonable time, ok?” He says before fading out.

I let out a shaky sigh, sorry Ace.. I go down to the kitchen, thankfully avoiding beel. You can do this, Azrial!

-------------

Ugh….. I feel so bad for keeping this from Ace. I let out a shaky breath as I let my shirt fall down over my stomach. Ace is gonna- huh? Someone calling me? I follow the voice through the halls and come to a staircase.

I sense magic. It's not dangerous but detecting magic. If I go past this point I'll be detected. Not if I teleport! Im met with a person with blue and white hair. “Um..” he stares at me. Maybe I shouldn't have come here…

-------------

Damn it! Not only did I make a pact without Ace's permission but now I have to rescue a human locked in the attic without Ace finding out! I'm definitely screwed! I let out a shaky breath, calm down. Ace keeps secrets all the time!

Not from me but still! This feels so wrong… just save the human and you'll be fine! And make a pact with all the others.. without Ace finding out.. I'm not gonna hear the end of it.. I lay down and try to take my mind off of it.

Key word being try…

-------------

Ace POV

the fuck did Azrial do last night? Why is he so tired? Now I have to be out. Plus my stomach feel weird. I walk over to my mirror and lift up my shirt… I'm gonna kill him…

The gold outline makes it clear who he made a pact with. I walk down stairs and open the door, “Mammon. Explain this on Azrials behalf” I say, venom flooding in my tone. He yelps, “w-what do ya mean?” He asks.

“Azrial said you agreed t’ it!” He says “just ask Levi!” Levi nods, “he did! Honestly!” I sigh. I'm definitely gonna kill him… “is Satan on a rampage again?” Lucifer asks. This fucking-... I can't right now.. I turn around and stare at the three behind me.

“Ace? What's going on?” Diavolo asks “Azrial lied and said Ace was ok with a pact when he wasn't so Ace is mad!” Levi says, surprisingly coherent. “I'm going to school early” I mumble and walk towards them.

“Can you move?” I ask, staring up at barbatos. “Of course-” I ignore him and move as soon as he does, last thing I need is a pointless conversation, and with him of all people. I let out a sigh as I realize they are following me.

I don't stop though, I never stop for anyone and I won't now, not ever again. I let out a sigh as barbatos puts his hand on my shoulder to stop me. Honestly, they are just as annoying as humans. Can't believe Azrial left me with them.

“take your hand off of me” I say, turning around to face him. He complies “would you like to join us at the castle later today?” Diavolo asks. How can he act like that? The small amount of emotions I do feel are Azrials emotions.

And from what I feel, they are draining as hell. “No, I'm not much of a tea drinker plus, if you hadn't noticed, I hate this situation as is, last thing I need is something to make me hate it more” I say. The brothers are draining as is.

Plus I can already hear Lucifer bitching. Barbatos smiles, “Azrial said cooking and baking make you feel the closest to happiness, is that true” I hum. Bit of an overstatement, “eh, yeah sure” diavolo beams. He reminds me of Azrial…

“He also said you good at it, why not join barbatos and cook with him?” He says. I glance at barbatos, “maybe” I say, although that maybe is awfully close to a no, it's something to get them off my ass. I should've got high when I had the chance…

“Is that a yes!?” Diavolo says, if he keeps this up it might turn back into a hard no… “it's a maybe, depends on how annoying the brothers are today” I say, turning around and walking away. I can hear Lucifer bitching already.

If I told him I was going that is… screw it, I'll go. To avoid Lucifer bitch about how ‘disrespectful’ I was this morning. Just get through school.

--------------

Diavolo and Barbatos practically corner me as soon as I leave class, “well?” Diavolo asks. He's practically shaking, does he need my approval this much? Probably not but still. I sigh, “sure” diavolo beams, more than he was before. If that's possible.

“Something tells me I'm going to regret this…” I say, “that something is wrong!” Diavolo says as he practically drags me away. What did I get myself into? I stare at diavolos smiling face and let a small smile make it's way to my face.

Maybe, just maybe, that something is wrong… Wait, the fuck am I saying? Ugh, Azrial and his unconscious emotions… I quickly shove those emotions away and go back to my frown. Remember why your here Ace.

----------------

I hum as I lay down on my bed, I still got an earful from Lucifer but it was worth it. The time with barbatos and diavolo was… fun.. I push those emotions away quickly. Remember why your like this in the first place.

“Um…Ace?” Azrial says. “Oh, so now you wake up?” I mumble. “I'm sorry! I know I should've told you about the pact-” I cut him off “I don't care about the pact, what I care about is the fact you're emotions work even if your unconscious” I huff.

“Ace.. no they don't. And if anything the only emotion that should work is nervousness” he says. “I felt.. happiness?” I say, though it sounds more like a question. “Ace.. that was you, your emotions. You felt your own emotions” he says.

…Shit. “Come on Ace, will showing emotions be that bad? I know it'll feel weird after all this time but I'll walk you through it!” Azrial says with a smile. He might be right. It's been years so maybe it's time to try again..

No, they are demons, if I'm gonna try again with anyone let it be one of the angels or a human. Maybe even Solomon. Not the demons though. “no.. I'll be fine blocking it out for another year or so” I say quietly.

I yawn and lay down, “your covering for me tomorrow” I mumble into my pillow. He sighs and nods, “just know you can't run from your emotions forever” I hear him say before I drift out of consciousness.

Fun fact!: Azrial is an amazing liar despite the fact that he hates lying.

Taglist:

@cuddlybelphie @doomsday-fae @a-crazy-little-goblin

@completelyshatteredbrokenmschf

[jemmo]

hey so i read your "rant" about seonwoo and younghee and, if you dont mind i want to give my 2 cents on the matter (feel free to ignore this) but with seonwoo i think this insecurity about what other's might think, and his people pleaser nature shows in how much he cares about hyungjoon and minseong having a date. im not saying he is malicious, but this nature which he has said "that's how i am and im not going to change that" is betraying him. and will hurt ppl and himself: you can't keep everyone happy without someone's feelings getting hurt. (trust me this is coming from a people pleaser who went to therapy) i agree seonwoo needs to start prioritizing his OWN feelings, whichever they might be and start giving closure to those he can't see himself in. like you said, younghee could handle rejection. hell he has been rejecetd by seonwoo multiple times already. well maybe not rejected, but ignored and not being seonwoo's priority.

now yeonghee...his age betrays him. a lot. many times. he is adorable and he has won over everyone's hearts, like they all dote on him bc he is the youngest. and he, in kind, responds with more youthful reactions which are normal from a 21 y/o. like nobody bats an eye when in ep1 while junseong and seonwoo are bickering palyfully while washing dishes, he just paces around to watch over them. but if it was seonwoo people would have noticed in a heartbeat. these behaviours of a 2years removed teenager, again, are "normal" for his age, but should not be directed at someone who is 12 years older, and who sees said behaviours like they are: juvenile reactions of a guy with a crush.

i love your take about seonwoo seeing younghee as projection of himself, who couldn't live his life as a queer man in his 20s. bc whenever he is with younghee (i think of when they come back that lil twirl thing he does before opening the door), seonwoo just lets his younger self heal, but that is not romance. when seonwoo is with seongho he appears more reliable, friendlier, fonder. still, i can't call it romance on account that their age up is still 9 years.

anyway these are my observations, i don't know if i missed the mark on some aspects. so id love your take on them

have an amazing day!!

first off, apologies for taking so long to reply to this ask, but I find it rather interesting, and frustrating, that so much of what you said here still stands true for seonwoo and yonghee despite it being weeks later. and now that he’s removed from the sungho and junsung situation, I think it’s interesting that he acts so differently around people that are his friends vs people he still has some kind of romantic connection to, like he has made progress and moved forward in his relationship to both sungho and junsung with the help of hindsight and has managed to realise a lot of the places where he fell short in his actions. but bc he refuses to resolve the situation with yonghee, he can’t get to that point where hindsight helps him see how he’s made mistakes and his actions have caused hurt.

what I think these two need is to enter a relationship where they aren’t thinking about things so seriously. seonwoo needs a relationship where he can be at ease and have fun and feel secure and like he doesn’t have to please, he just needs to relax, and I don’t think yonghee can give him that bc he is being so serious with his feelings, with the strength and passion of them, that it puts seonwoo on this pedestal, and he would do anything for him, which means that he can’t see or won’t call out any of his flaws, which someone needs to do. despite how hard and emotional it was, look at how deeply it affected minsung for hyungjun to call him out on something. I think seonwoo needs that, someone strong enough and that cares enough to say something to him with kindness and clarity. just look at how effective and rewarding it was for him to learn something from sungho and see a different side of himself. he needs someone to see him, and not glorify him like yonghee does, and in turn yonghee needs someone that he can be calm around, someone that tells him to tone it down, that he doesn’t need to be actively trying to sell himself and show his good sides and change for a relationship, bc at his age that’s not something he should be taught as the correct thing to be doing. like he is enough, he is so enough, and changing himself to earn someone’s affection not only doesn’t work, but isn’t something he should feel like he needs to do. he has this incorrect notion that doing all this and trying so hard is romantic, and it can be when the other person sees and appreciates it, and when it doesn’t come at the cost of losing yourself, but by not saying anything against it, seonwoo just lets yonghee continue to believe that this is a romantic thing to do, when he needs to be told straight. and this thing he has with yonghee reminding him of his first love and more generally of being young and having those youthful, strong romantic feelings, it’s almost like he doesn’t want to crush that, he wants to hold onto this memory of him falling in love that strongly and not hurt that part of him he sees in yonghee that would have to be so strong and brave to behave this way, he doesn’t want to crush it.

I just think the relationship they have is so interesting bc I do think there are feelings there, but the strength of them and where they come from is so unequal, it doesn’t feel like they’re engaging with who each other actually are, instead they see these ideals of romance in each other that they want to chase and hold onto. and I think the kindest thing I can say about both of them is that they deserve to find someone that loves and values them for the people they actually are

[yourmoonmomma]

Thanks for always answering bby! Im glad youre doing alright! Ive been feeling quite down the past days, yesterday my day reproached me because I was "overreacting" when I saw my cat being chased by dogs (I said a strong hey to get their attention away from my cat from the window where I saw everything) and he kept on saying bullshit like why you scream so loud with an annoyed tone of voice and I felt so bad, he always get these anger explosions and tantrums and no one can tell him anything or he will get more mad and im like, dude, mine was a REACTION. You cant control that at all. What was best, to leave the dogs catch my cat and it ends in a worse situation? Man you wanted that? Like for real I felt so pissed and frustrated. I even told him that when he gets mad no one can tell him to calm down or stop overreacting. My sister, mom and I always try to be more calm and colected and try to see things in a good reasonable light, but with him truly you cant communicate at all. And whats worse is that I end up being the crazy one! So now ive been trying to ignore him and interact the less its better for me.

And on the other side, so ive felt kinda down because Taylor will come to latinoamerica but isnt going to visit my country and I saw one of my closest friends will go to Brazil to her concert and I'm stuck here in my home due to my illness, I cant even make my own money to pay me the things I want, my closest friends are busy and we havent talked a lot the past weeks, maybe I will go back to University next semester if Im on better health terms and I really dont want to see some people ive considered to being transfered to another University... I feel like everything and nothing is going on with me at all and thats makes me go all ugh :( literally my only joy during all this time has been watching series, movies, reading and listening to music. Healing is so tiring and lonely at the same time, I dont mind it generally, but sometimes its strenuous.

I wish I could get a ticket and fly anywhere and start from zero with a whole new everything. Thank you for listening and being here for us, it means a lot💐🩷🩷

(So sorry for the long emotional dump, you can delete it if its bothersome)

Of course my love!! I'm sorry I didn't answer this sooner <3

To me, it does NOT sound like you overreacted. Dogs are (typically) bigger and stronger than cats. Even a big dog playing with a small cat could be unsafe. You did the right thing, even if the cat wasn't in danger! And like you said, it was one of those immediate reactions anyway, because of course it was! Lulu sometimes just looks at the edge of the balcony in a certain way and I'll put her back inside. Or the other day, she started to walk a bit too close to my burner plate while I was making a candle and I DID yell at her, because I got scared! We don't ever want to see our pets get hurt, so it's natural to have automatic reactions like that. Ignoring your dad, or minimizing contact with him, is probably the best option here, unfortunately. I'm sorry he tends to act a bit more irrationally, and tries to flip stuff around onto you. That sounds very frustrating to deal with.

I'm sorry you can't see Taylor!! That's a shame :(( It sounds like you're feeling pretty lonely, which is an awful way to feel. It's good you have hobbies, but I totally understand why they don't always quite feel like enough. I hope you start to feel a bit better, and find some people to connect with! I hope your close friends can find some time for you as well <33

And your emotions are never ever bothersome!! Lots and lots of love for you my friend <333

[life-through-my-eyess]

haiii is it okay to ask for some advice ;-; i really dont know where else to go now, i just found out that this girl i really REALLY like has a girlfriend, shes this butch who plays football and ughh shes just so handsome and amazing i always start hyperventilating blushing and cant think when im around her. the thing is we're quite different grades so we could never have dated anyway, and i understand that -- im just so sad and its so pathetic. i go to an all girls catholic school so its kind of hard to find other lesbians anyways, but i cant stop thinking about how the perfect girl is right there but i cant date her an it makes me so miserable, i feel like ill nver meet another person like her who i actually can date.

its okay to ignore if u cant help!! hope u have a good day full of luv <3 💓

Hey anon🌻,

Thank you for sharing and asking for some advice.

First of all this is cute and kinda breaking my heart reading it because it sounds like you are really into this girl. Your feelings are valid and the way you act is extra cute around her. My advice to you is, it’s okay to have these feelings and to just feel yano. Sometimes is nice to have them but when you look into it a little deeper, you want more and it upsets you because it’s not you she is with.

There are a few ways to see this. You can either get in between your crush and her girlfriend, try and tear them apart so you can possibly have a chance but just remember this is one of the ways not to go about it in my opinion but people do this and it kinda hurts more than one person because you are only thinking about yourself really and is kinda sorta selfish, very toxic.

You can either step back, know she is taken and just be good friends with her. If you don’t see that now maybe just step back and when your feelings aren’t as strong you can possibly be friends and care about her as a friend as she is taken and respect your crush and her girlfriend but also yourself.

You could also, just have these lovely feelings because those feelings are magical and magnificent, like a fairytale yano. They give you a high and make you feel all mushy. But just know it wont go anywhere so it’s one sided. You can live in this world if it helps you escape reality for a while when shit gets rough.

I’d probably go for the second one personally, but I’d live in the world of happiness for a little while longer than pull my shit together before my feelings become deeper, as I’d be hurting myself if I didn’t step back.

But just remember, you’re worth more than you know. People come into our lives and we learn from each and every relationship, positive things and negative things to help us learn and grow. Whatever you decide is your choice.

I hope this has helped somehow or given you a different way of seeing the situation you are in. Feel free to message me privately if you would like to chat more 💕.

[mysteriawrites]

Helloooo, I’d like to request a demon slayer and BNHA matchup please (if it to much you can just do one). If you don’t want to you can just ignore this.

I really suck at writing about myself so sorry if this sucks. I am very introverted and have both anxiety and depression. I try not to bother people with my problems by bottling them up along with my emotions (king behaviour). I try to stay happy and positive for my friends and will support them with anything. My love language is words of affirmation and acts of service. I am the eldest sister so I know how to take the lead even if I don’t want to. I love writing creatively and psychology, I actually want to be a therapist when I’m older. My family says I’m “a sloth with a side of T-Rex”. I like to play video games in my down time and use daydreaming as a sort of coping mechanism. I’d like to think I’m pretty but I’ve only ever been complemented on my eyes, dimples, and thick long eyelashes. I take pride in helping people. I HATE loud sounds, yelling, and overly agressive people, im okay with teasing (that’s what I do with friends) but there is a line you should not cross. Apparently im smart? According to my friends at least.

Thank you so much and hope your having a great day!! 💙💙💙

Hello, thank you for your request. I'm willing to do two matchups for you but I'd prefer if you sent another ask for the second one so that this post won't be super long. This one will be your BHNA matchup so without further ado DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

MIRIO TOGATA!!!

(Sorry for the highlighter yellow color it just suits him imo)

Now I know you two may seem like polar opposite but hear me out I think you two would make a great couple.

I actually think you and Mirio are really similar: you both like helping people, your supportive natures lift people up, and you do whatever it takes to help those around you. Although he is a lot louder and outgoing than you are, you bond over your shared aspiration to save people, you in your therapist office and him on the city streets.

Due to his whole life of hero training (and being friends with Tamaki) Mirio was able to pick up early on the mask you wear around others to keep them from worrying about you. As much as he wants to just wrap you in his arms and tell you everything is ok and he'll help you carry your burdens, he wants to give you the time to tell you your feelings when you're ready to talk about it and not force you.

However, he does have subtle ways of letting you know he's there for you. Regularly complimenting you to help you have a more positive view of yourself, keep his voice quieter because he noticed how loud sounds bother you without you even telling him, making sure you get out of the house regularly and have some fun, so you don't get consumed by your at home responsibilities, talking for you in public to ease any social anxiety, and much more.

After getting close to you though he does come out and directly tells you that no matter how bad your depression may get or how heavily your life may weigh upon you he will always be there for you whether it's helping you out of a situation or just simply giving you a hug when you need one.

Speaking of hugs Mirio REEEEEAAAAAALLLLLLYYYYY loves to hug you. He knows you don't like attention on you so he won't hug you as much or as long in public, but in private oh boy this man will not let you go. He essentially becomes a big cuddly ol golden retriever who just wants to smother you in love.

Mirio may love people, but he definitely savors at home dates with you either play video games (more like losing to you constantly), watching a movie, or making dinner. Life as a hero is so hectic, he's glad he can just spend some intimate one on one quiet time at home with you where no one can bother him.

As much as a big ball of sunshine he is, Mirio has his dark moments. When he lost his powers, he question his self-worth and purpose, he thought he wouldn't be able to help people as well anymore and it put him in a dark place. You were what was able to get him back on his feet after the incident. With your kind words and emotionally support Mirio was able to get out of his slump and get back out there. Because you reminded him that even without his powers, he is still a hero.

You and Mirio have a bit of a cat and dog relationship, but you balance each other out while loving and supporting each other. You'll pursue your dreams together side by side and make the world a better place. Also, because Mirio has such a way with kids I see him as a family man so be ready to have lots of kids.

Sorry, this took so long I was contemplating how I was gonna do your requests before I ultimately decided to do them separately, I also wasn't sure if you cared about what gender your match was, so I hope you like it. (p.s also I think we may be twins I read your ask and had an identity crisis and was like "wait this is literally me-" lol I'm even an older sister too...I think we both need therapy)

Runners Up: Midorya Izuku, Iida Tenya, Todoroki Shoto, Jiro Kyoka, Yaoyarozu Momo

[toontowncreepypasta]

Miles Upshur headcanons because ive been real autistic since outlast went on sale on the switch

heres just a huge dump of all my miles headcanons and interpretations im sorry it’s so fucking much ive been obsessed with this fag since i was like 13

 I think Miles grew up pretty poor, his father in the military and his mother was a stay at home mom who struggled with drug addiction. he had four other sisters with him being the oldest. He ended up raising most of them, the third sister being nonverbal autistic. He was responsible at home but not really anywhere else. He also didn’t get along with his mom very well. He left the house the moment he turned 18 and didn’t look back. He’s transmasc and gay, i can’t see him being into women im sorry. hes like the only horror protagonist i can think og that isnt like oh my gof.ds...... oh my god boobs....

I think a lot of Miles very strong core values come from how he was raised and that mostly pushed him into journalism and needing to shine a light on things. i also think he was in a band when he was in highschool, and still plays guitar pretty frequently (or well, heh, did when he had his fingers.) i also think he sold his adderal and any other meds he was put on all through out highschool and college and got in trouble for it a couple times. He was one of those shitty highschool kids who were like way too smart for their own good so they spent all of their time trying to break every rule they could.

Miles and Lynn Langermann became extremely close in college, and Miles and Blake also dated in college for like two months before that imploded on itself and they never spoke to eachother again.

He’s an aries, he has ADHD and c-PTSD (and you know, now regular PTSD) and is a HORRIBLE chain smoker like it’s really fucking bad. he’s jewish. He is EXTREMELY drawn to anything dangerous or mysterious like it’s a problem he has almost no survival instincts. He is an animal to his own emotions and desires and it’s a problem, if he gets scared of something he chases after it, he doesn’t back down, he’s insanely stubborn, he’s quick to anger. But I will say he is pretty good about assessing situations, he’s lived off blind luck his entire life because he is GOOD at what he does. he always acts like he knows what he’s doing and shit usually ends up in his favor so it’s hard not to believe him.  He is unaware of how mentally unwell he is, mostly because he has a habit of repressing pretty much anything traumatic that happens to him. Puts it in a little vault and keeps trudging on.

He’s anti authority and has a hard time taking orders or directions, even just from people he loves/respects. He resents any kind of restraint put on him. Miles biggest fear is death, him dying, specifically. He is scared to die before he’s ready. His second biggest fear is being forgotten/ignored. He’s somewhat of an attention whore, negative, positive, he likes to act out or preform or be wild and “out there” and have everyones eyes on him. he wants to be THE guy. no matter what hes doing he’s doing it with a hypothetical audience. That’s specifically something he struggles to drop at any time, its hard for him to be intimate with people or slow down because of it. he isn’t a narcissist though, it isn’t to an extreme extent. it’s just enough to be noticable in times of crisis. Despite all of these, Miles biggest and most dominante traits are his empathy, passion and his fixation on justice. he’s a good person all around, even if he’s a bit of trouble. he rarely if ever has ill intents to anyone who isn’t a dangerous person, and even then, he can find himself sympathizing and understanding almost anyone if given enough time.

he’s pretty fashionable but... doesn’t utilize it what so ever. he dresses like a very stereotypical binary trans masc, with a bit of occasional gothic/southern flair. he’s no stranger to eyeliner. before his transition he was very similar but in a “feminized” way, think those white southern punk girls with the chunky blonde/black streaks and bedazzled black ripped tanktops and flannels. He just went from one end of the spectrum to the other.

[blaze4567810]

On top of that the harassment over the years of people who have went to groups/outings has not been completely addressed. We did not have just a small problem. They want to ignore how they ran things before and  now try to make it seem that I mainly can’t adapt or I’m becoming someone intolerable and need to be suspended or told to leave. Well after a few disputes; investigations and social media situations. They changed their attitudes but wont to correct their mistakes. Because legally they would be fired or sent to a new department. This correspondence revolves from 2019 where there  were patients and clients who got me arrested. And What happened is weird cause now none of you are really good friends anymore like they use to be. There’s an issue from over the years of constant harassment in approach and interaction. And my mental health states im violent and several other things from prison. It’s not trauma neither. People talk information is passed; and people expect behaviors and approach’s in manipulated ways. So no one’s going to make a mockery of my time in prison or in the street socially. They dish it out. So; they should be able to take it. Both Staff and patients/clients. I was quiet when they were talking a lot of shit.  Because they would have construed and manipulated things to their intelligence or liking. Either saying not to respond to them or I’m escalating it. Now that they have nothing to say and different types of authorities are now involved that I brought into the matter.. being a matter of something to address them about. Their whole attitude changed. Now when I talk back; they as hypocrites say Its built up aggression. For they want me to think I’m on their side and what they say is a relationship building strategy. And I don’t see it as that at all. When I did what they asked I still got screwed in the way they conduct outings and groups. So; I stand by what I said about your employees and patients cause they are that pathetic as a people to be a company embarrassment. 

 

You people have been playing with likes and dislikes of how people act and who they are constantly for me to respond or react. Now all a sudden y’all want to cry wolf.  I already talked to Heather Bach and it was pointless worthless and pathetic. And I’m not going to keep taking punishment in co operation or negotiation to receive mental health benefits. Because I’m not legally in all mental health requirements. I was placed in mental health as a basic strategy and punishment for people to get out what they did against me. So their word against mine is stronger. And some people playbills into it like morons.  Upon the things I did on the street and in prison/Jail. So I don’t care if you don’t need me or want to talk to me or wanna see me around. You’re repeating strategies of people before you. Which have no value unless it’s to screw me over in these matters. You can’t say it to me as a man or woman or an adult with a problem. And if you keep up with the indirect issues. I’m going to bring the issue to anywhere you hide. 

 

You people aren’t going to give me issues with the few people still in my life. All because y’all want that emotional beneficial support as consideration to what you did. Cause you all instigated things just calling  me a liar or fake to my street creditability because I’m a “Karen” who keeps to himself with y’all. The shoes on the other foot all a sudden. How come ? And just my rehabilitation all that created were multiple types of stipulations that would cause me risk from the information you withhold and try to say isn’t a big deal to you. What about the issues y’all caused me outside of your groups ? 

 

Those idiots who only matter on your job. Can cost me in the community away from  your job. Which employees tend to try and capitalize on. How about you stop thinking about yourself. And stop using me alone socially as a crutch to arrogantly force yourself into my life by conditions of doing your job or patients needing someone with a creditability to resolve their issues. I didn’t help them create their insecurities. I’m not your black sheep. Which you personally expand on when y’all please. if I do happenly would decide on playing along you have all these stipulations of examinations based of emotions you people think you’re obligated too or know so much about. If one of your employees tries to insult me again with your women aspect of emotions and stress. I’ll drag your name through the mud with me. Cause I let y’all go on with this bullshit long enough tolerating bullshit you do to other patients and the bright ideas you come up with. Your job isn’t a job to have many mistakes. 

 

Someone told me if Hannah doesn’t get me. Brittani will. Now what is that suppose to mean ? So You just tell every patient who think they cute or funny mimicking me because they can’t mind their business or have female employees as emotional suckers. Asking how come they aren’t  considered the same.  they owe me as you give them benefit of doubt in more emotional tactics. Now all a sudden you want your respect. After being subjected less than what someone who doesn’t know you see you as ? Don’t play no mental games with me because you can explain many things and I’ll continue to be let off the hook. Things works for them not me all a sudden why ? When you look stupid trying to make copies of me doing favors. Do they give you the same gratitude ? Maybe that’s the reason for these rules now huh ? I’m a high class criminal and inmate. High class people put me in mental health. The police are watching y’all more than me. They know my behavior patterns better than you claim in evaluations. Do pathetically Keep trying to purposely confuse things to say I don’t know what I’m saying or it’s not what it looks like. I’m not one of your confused drug addicted playing boyfriend girlfriend i have someone tactic . 

 

Once upon a time Y’all said I could not stop going to the YMCA. What happened ? Bring patients with the wrong intent to that public area ? Keep trying me like I’m a sucker or fool for love. How do you want me to explain which part of my life the harassment comes from? This is definitely one of those I’m calling you because I need you antics now. Like I said to Natalie Sperling I’m not here looking for special attention. All this is is a bunch of employees trying to use my popularity or knowledge of things  to their benefit. I’ve always been talented thanks for no longer overlooking that. Thinking I’m emotionally and socially pathetic because I don’t express myself the way everyone else does. But why do they express themselves like that ? Because it’s apart of what y’all do for your self preservation even though it’s against your job to do. You’re not gonna harass me because I don’t want to.because you let someone else do it just fine. But when it’s me all of you have emotions that must be respected. Am I really not like the others ? I don’t even talk to all of you for your opinion. Why don’t y’all play the same attention games like you just were it wasn’t meant for me. You know the one where you all were basically the same attention thirsty pathetic females running a competition amongst yourselves. Implying no one looks better than the other. You still want to be treated equal. No one’s crying about things not going their way besides your houses patients. Last time I checked they want things to go my way so they can have the same. And I’m not playing along. But your staff play along so well. So that’s between y’all as pathetic as you are. When I respond you realize how weak; pathetic, insecure; unconfident; and unrespected you are. I’m not so secure and confident to not respond. Don’t flatter yourself. I’m not being nice neither for anything from you. I’m being respectful for myself not for your communication and interaction. You’re taking things too far like I’m actually interested in you. I’m not that good looking neither I just improved the way I look. So What’s the reward for jealousy games as if I’m on one of your sides. I should  give you more than you want and can handle. And I don’t care who bends; breaks; folds; and collapse from the pressure and delusional mistakes. 

 

Why don’t we just get down to the point ? Because on your behalf for some reason y’all think this is constructive criticism and positive arguing or disagreeing. I know my feelings won’t be hurt. How can you fail at manipulating someone mentally and say they have mental illness because you’re not influential? 

 

RULE #1: 

If someone makes remarks that make you uncomfortable, you need to alert staff immediately. Please do not address the issue yourself, let us handle it. That’s pathetic because employees  play along all the time in their little games of socializing. They’ll purposely do something to get your attention if they feel like your being distant and not giving them the attention they want. They’ll go back to jealous bitch or hoe tactics communicating and construe  the intentions. Now they want to act like mom or wife or girlfriend someone emotionally dependent. Trying to play both sides of the situation. And you don’t even know why they symbolize staff as people like in sexual manipulation.  “We are just chilling”

 

RULE #2:

If there is any kind of conflict, please give space and walk away from the situation.oh really all the times you said or gave information about my personal life; case; incarceration or like your obsessively spying and eavesdropping on me. Then escalated the matter by spreading information. Your staff make conflict between patients all the time m. To weed things out or make paperwork. Sounds like you want to be a born again employee. 

 

RULE #3:

No remarks that are threatening, name calling, cursing, negatively commenting on someone's identity/heritage/culture. I’ll say what I want and continue to or we can explain to police the situations you cause for four years at my last residential address with clients you communicate with. So your remarks as an employee don’t count? Because it’s just recently y’all started to shut the fuck up. Y’all have been letting some people get away with stuff thinking you can get information provided to you to lie and then help others with the same situation with the paperwork and harassment I went through constantly. You really think imma be calm to speak to any of you after what you said . Because if you ask me your it sounds like your staff MIT; CST; etc have been illegally talking to people for information and eavesdropping. 

 

RULE #4:

No threatening or invasive text messages or calls. Did you get this from east house ? How cute let’s talk about the relationship between building locations at 1111 elmwood avenue.  And housing programs and the participation to harass and assault certain patients and clients in certain ways because they don’t get along or want to show sexual interest to pathetic females or the male patients they already control by standards of how they run their program. So what happened to y’all saying you were going to shut me up or make me eat my words ? You think they gonna get out of  that.I’ve risked my life for less and put people in agony for less words. Now do something about them acting or being insulting like they was gang members ? Because you can’t get in my way or stop me and all the police departments know that. Do it again and they’ll still get what’s coming to them. While you’ll have an issue you can’t control for yourself as well. You women think you’re so influential and powerful towards a male a little too much. Maybe you need to realize what my gang ranking actually is. Because you made a mistake trying to say I could help them out. I’m not going any situation blind over a females emotions or direction. A lot of y’all had a sense of humor about it as patients went on. When something happens to one of them I don’t like. Do not try to question me or talk to me about any of it. This isn’t some pathetic dispute of what’s said was said and it’s over. You people fixed a problem and said I shouldn’t complain as much. But for a few years you claimed to your management team that it was my mental illness and nothing was really going on ? 

 

RULE #5:

No aggressive posturing, pacing around anyone, spitting near them, damaging property. I do it all the time. Other patients do it all the time. Patients make gestures to say fuck this salt add member or this staff member can suck their dick all the time. And you got staff playing games they have no clue of. But want to ask me questions about my behavior like I’m immature or have a misunderstanding. Sounds like stony brook when Robert spat at Brittani before their infamous photo with his arm around her like It’s a behavior commonly done. What a smile to have if you’re so uncomfortable about it. Heather Bach needs to find a life for all these antics she purposes out of her own deprivation and jealousy.  Stop making attempts to or with speak to hear from me. What are you trying to do manipulate ways stalking through your job ? I didn’t tell the police not to arrest me for the window. Y’all know what happens if I go behind bars. You don’t want that Government pressure from authorities. So that’s quiet now. You know why I was mad. You were the cause and behind it trying to be funny emotionally. How’s your attraction level now? In your office you tried to be cute about it. “Emotions change or your emotions should be considered”. Because you think you’re a talk show host. I know what you instigated and tried to capitalize on yourself personally. I don’t have to feel no emotions towards anyone truthfully. Go find Eric like you said when you get the cold shoulder. 

 

RULE #6:

No physical contact of any kind with staff or peers. Yeah because you wouldn’t want the wrong person with their arm around you or touching your arm or looking down your shirt or splashing water in your face or not moving so you inappropriately bump into them. Or patients attempting to come close to touching your ass like a mistake; or put their hands in Natalie’s hair. Right ?  Are you so good of friends now ? How many times did you talk about that between yourselves ? Or are they enjoying male patients trying to be Eric barts too much ?  Miss him that much ? Or maybe it’s just discrimination against me in case I get any ideas. Real Funny; look how you people lie about communication between us. After everyone has enjoyed themselves the parties over huh ? Oh my they left me out the fun because I didn’t belittle my dignity to be one of them. Now patients get to put on an emotional struggle to help defuse the situation because they owe employees that much.  Because  the way you all look now from over the years of working together isn’t so productive representively. In rehabilitation or mental health stability. 

 

RULE #7:

Active participation is required. If they are coming on an outing, it is important to engage in the activity. That’s a lie from a hypocrite. I’m not even entertained to give insight on what’s allowed and how people get involved in groups/outings. Can I get a cigarette I’ll go. They mite run this group/putting. But they listen to Natalie Sperling and Heather Bach in most situations. Does Heather feel like planting someone around when I am or going anymore. Leave me alone. Then you have the im trying to fit in club with Hannah and Kim Warner. And I have Natalie Sperling back to a point. I’m not going to play who’s side your on games. Stay with or be around your favorite employee be my child or pet. Because we have the same intellect from an area we use to live. I don’t see any type of keep them away from each other there. Why ? I’ve behaved for a while. So much if I acted up no paraffin knows what protocol to use to maintain the situation. I just thought of something. Most of your patients can’t go out in public. And when they do they crash out. For example if we go to the beach or pool why do I have to stay around y’all. Patients do disrespectful things purposely to stop going. Which is a communication between them. But anyways are you going to tell someone who paid money to spend time with their family or girl they are immature when your patients take things too far in public ? You take them out publicly to get acclimated with others and changes in the community. So they can move on. Do you think it’s mental health behavior why they won’t leave ? I guess you employees aren’t as smart as you think. I would like to know if a patient is a sex offender or not. You don’t want this to go the other way cause it’ll cost your company dearly. Especially with what patients have illustrated as acceptable by staff. And how your staff want to get rid of patients from behaviors they’ve done to them before that embarrassed them. When they physically; emotionally; mentally or socially accepting them for who they are and thought they would receive it in return. Because I have the respect back. Your employees use my behavior as training for other patients. Do they see what it takes to be a role model and to have people look up to them? They don’t think they are going to get as far as me ? Because you can have it. I’m going to go further. 

 

RULE #8:

Follow staff direction. Listen to staff. You really think imma listen to you after you had all that to say and let all that happened and you know those comments and actions had intentions towards me. Accept you for who you are for what? You’re all responsible for violating my medical and housing rights as well as constitutional criminal and Citizen rights. Anymore wild goose chases. Or we can help you with this or that and back out of it. To then say I’m not motivated or I’m 

not programming like y’all need me to. 

 

RULE #9:

Respect the rules of environment we are in (parks, theaters,museums, etc). This rule is irrelevant cause staff is suppose to clean up after patients and monitor health hazards. Now you want participation ? When y’all had the image of bare foot and pregnant to patients y’all were employee of the year motivated and making her way. I don’t need a mommy or a significant other symbolized in taking care of me. So family; women and children don’t count ? 

 

RULE #10: 

Let us be there for you if you are feeling uncomfortable or targeted, we are here to help. Be there for me ? Do you think I’m that emotionally pathetic as a man or individual who has said some questionable things about himself that others over exaggerate about. As if they are better or I’m crazy. The same employees who has something to say with my illegal mental health removal ? And violation of mental health rights and housing ? Any more tricks in bringing me “home” or are y’all done following Eric barts lead. Hold on you people were talking a whole lot of shit from my past whether an old job; school; family; friends; arrests; crimes against me; old relationships with women; cultural; the situation with ina Fuller or Claudette Washington and slick shit staff think they got away with. 

       Safety Plan

If you are unable to follow the above expectations, you may be asked to take a break from programming/groups until the matter is addressed with you and your treatment team.

If you are unable to follow the above expectations and staff feel it is unsafe for you to continue to stay with the group, you will be asked to leave the group and the following steps will be taken:

1.     If we are within Rochester City limits, you will need to take the bus home/find your own way home.

2.     If we are outside city limits, we will try to find you a ride home but that is not
guaranteed.

I’m someone who doesn’t talk to you or wants to talk to you is causing the problem huh ? How does that make sense. If you need my help in a situation you bother me and keep bothering me about it or to help a less fortunate patient. Who’s well off than your purposing. Anyone else want to use an employee I’m rumored to be interested in to get on my fucking nerves ? Or try to tell for privileges ? I’m not that important y’all say. But you’re begging for attention while being ignored. And then you want a respectful response.didn’t I just go through the majority of female staff who think their argumentative  approach is affective ? Go find someone else! Oh you can’t because what you did is make me an impression to others. As if y’all made me successful. Your approach to have a conversation with me is more pathetic and immature than me being angry;vulgar and socially verbally disturbing. Everyone outside of these groups as regular people know what’s going on. Don’t try to play me. You’re not my significant other for me to keep my word. What commitment have any of you kept to me ? And I’m talking about your job ? Those same people outside some groups have told your other patients to stay away from their wife or girlfriend and children. It’s a small world huh ? What was their intent that was seen by those people?  Or did something happen before ? Because you know they go to groups yearly more than once for a second chance. Tell those people they can’t be around your groups or events? How about I get them to crack down more on your Rochester psychiatric Centers programs and treatment developments ? You want me to be authoritative and aggressive. I surely can get egotistical and greedy. And gesture; insult or embarrassment of my past puts your patient or your employee in contempt of what I have going on now. Your not going to hide it behind mental health diagnosis’ behaviors.

 

“ if the above safety plan is utilized, you will need to take a break from all outings/groups until we meet with you and your Treatment Team. You can return to programming once you are able to contract for safety.

By signing this agreement, I am agreeing to follow the above guidelines, and understand that bY so not, twill be sent home and suspended from groups/outings until safety is established. “

 

This right here is rules being placed after an incident involving me. Funny I don’t have a treatment team. So if you apply that with me you’re going to get in trouble with section 8. Good luck. Heather Bach and Abby Brown just tried that saying they are my treatment team. I don’t care about your motherly instinct I don’t need you as an emergency contact. They didn’t do their job correctly. Because they were too into thinking they could harass me like a woman from my past. And I don’t care or need to hear about your life from patients and employees cause you want me to know things about you. I could care less about your emotions at your age as well. Keep thinking you can make a man. Worry about your husband. The same pathetic females who illegally helped  patients get beneficial attention from staff or be insulting. They caused the issue trying to be a social relationship enthusiast while satisfying patients behaviors ; while sacrificing the image and reputation of your clients. Seems like someone’s trying to use her employees to relive her younger years. And patients all have been and want to continue taking advantage of the sexual assault that has been let slide because ladies apart of your circle need attention. Enjoy your harassment of what you think I’m deprived of as you give other patients access to the system they don’t deserve. Because you can’t take care of business legally with what you’re supposedly educated in. 

 

Hannah brown has an internship so it would be best if i go on the camping trip (PTSD) ? So she can get the same results as Eric barts who got the job he wanted after sucking up to me in 2019 for a new job. She using patients like Jamie; Robert, Victor and Jacob. Just like how Eric used Tedo; Anthony roundtree;, and a few others. I’m confused is this apart of the I don’t want to see anything happen to Brittani Pietrefesca plan Eric Barts had put in place at the camping trip in 2019?  She’s been walking around harassed and embarrassed the whole damn time. From these patients. Do I join or do I help her ? Why does she cares now ? What do i have to do with any of that ? They used her for what she is and now we want you to change and show another side of you. You want me to take on that impression because of her ? When did I owe that emotionally ? As if I’m opening up trusting and committed for some reason. Play all your just a girl games you have a past and things your ashamed of. I’m not confused about your Job talk about your personal life. I know who I see when you physically do something. You people have so many different approaches and back and forth interactions negatively. You don’t even care you’re exposing yourself after another employe says something bad about you.  it’s not a big deal now. Why ? I don’t have to feed into any of it like that. And you can go ahead and say you don’t know what I’m talking about and I’ll take full blame. That’s how pathetic it has come between me and some of your employees. Seems like excuses for insults employees did sexually cause you ain’t get attention you wanted. I already warned Heather Bach about this patient competition they had when she was so invested in me moving to a new location. Your employees get to remove themselves from the issue and consider their job and I have to take all responsibility. You really think as a woman you can tell me who I am or say I don’t know how to explain my feelings. Just because your methods don’t work with me like at letchworth pool day on 8/14/2023. You people are playing games of harassment to me about people from my past. And this dumbass chooses someone who is a sex offender and he’s acting it out. But the best part is you’re okay with it. Who are you talking to about you know my past better than me. Anymore role playing of employees impersonating each other. Thinking I’ll talk to those I don’t want to like i ain’t catch on. Then give me an attitude like it’s you after you were being fake? What a mind game huh ? We’re y’all looking for a response like; “I said I love you how could you betray my trust ? “; or we are suppose to be together? What’s going on and why you ain’t tell me ? “; or why is Hannah trying to distract me purposely ?” ; or “are you trying to make me jealous or are you serious right now? ?” ; or “I can understand why you’ll be vindictive about Natalie; Taylor; some student employees;Samantha ; Robin; or Valerie. But why women I have to be nice to because it’ll Come off disrespectful or mood ruining. The comparisons you made with me and who you have is a joke. So you better tell Phil; Jacob; Jamie; Robert; Edgardo; Sharon’s; Curtis; Tedo; Lamar; Denzel; Brian; Earl; Anthony roundtree; Danny; etc play them games with someone the fuck else. Did anyone know me before this illegal tactic of them being able to get away from being themselves ? And it still wasn’t good enough. How many times I got to say it !! Anyone from ASU; ALR; etc we already resolved that with the 12 o’clockincident. You would be in a better position if you served your time. Mental health didn’t cut my time short or remove me from the environment with lies of religion or being bullied. You got a get outta jail or prison free pass and you scared to scrap or bang. Considering the way you’re acting. Who y’all talking to like that?  

 

 

And of course Hannah and Kim Warner are two peas in a pod. I don’t even know who this Kimberly is. I’m aware of Ms Kim Roberts and Kim who worked groups a few times in 2019. Im not going to think I am more than what I am. Because of a few woman seeing what they can try to make out of me. Or how I emotionally respond. And then get played later on until I breakdown and want to cry or  leave or sometimes show up like other patients. Your management are really gonna allow for these patients to snitch; then allow them to get opportunities I never got and take opportunities from me; then on top of that scream for help and assistance trying to take advantage of your actual most dangerous patient.so what your going to do when patients show up just to disrespect y’all and really don’t care if they come back ? Or is it favoritism for certain patients only allowed to go to certain groups ? If it came down to it ? Who’s dumber ? What happened to Woman suffrage; rights and empowerment. But I ain’t see none of you defend Brittani or Natalie from anything  sexually insulting from patients ? even particularly close to sexual harassment. All I seen was you get in the way like that’s attention you want.  Not my fault you feel like the less attractive friend. But you’re blinded in many ways you call yourself intellectual. And that’s two Thursday in a row I talked to you about it. And you sighed like you really messed up and sat back in the seat. What makes you think that you’re so important that I must go to you and explain my feelings ? A little too personal? Especially about Brittani in these  social games with staff you’ve adopted trying to be creative ? Is that how everyone else got so close to her to do most of the violations on this paper y’all handed out ? Don’t act as if you or especially Eric didn’t enjoy the humiliation of patients believing what you said. Is that how you killed two birds with one stone ? 

 

You can lose your job in attempts to make me a geeky snap. Remember that. It’s too late for a few of you already. Are Y’all women looking to gain something back in your life that you lost ? Or an advantage ? And even the way you tried to get it back with other patients is pathetic because that’s apart of most of these issues.  Now  you know how it feels when my property was taking and purposely withheld from me in contempt to vanish my identity. Now you don’t have any interest in me. I’m so sad. Feel better about yourself ? I’m still not interested. Thanks for admitting it though. You’re so fake and disgusting for someone to be on the same page as you. You think imma do the same ? In false commitment in interest they always had. Are those problems reoccurring or is it what you allowed with several patients.. Then asked me why am I not doing the same. Then some of you looked stupid and pathetic in attempt of trying to make me the culperate who originated all of it, as if I got caught doing it or started a small group to do things sequentially in plans. and now you want to change your approach after thinking it’s something to be involved in to see what’s going on. So why do you keep playing along for this long ? You’re enjoying it huh ? Im not your black scapegoat. I’m already anti social. And your staff is the reason why I really don’t like these idiots. Consider my mental health diagnosis’ the same way you do others with such a “passion”. And then you’ll realize how much in the wrong you really are. So; If your employees or female employees especially are negligent and pathetic enough to let those things happen to them and other employees then fall victim. Don’t ask me for my opinion or why I’m not doing what other patients are doing. I definitely want to do something different and get away with it. That’s bug out shit. 

 

I have more than medication aspects to my case thank you very much. You let others get away with alot. A lot of vaguely put reasoning or interacted sexual harassment. Do you want to walk and talk about it? But you wanna play into each others little games. Just for insight and emotional manipulation of you care to keep it separate. Because y’all just tried to embarrass me on several subjects after your tampering. Using third party sources you’re keeping confidential because they communicate through your patients and instruct things. I already heard David lennon and others spill the beans. You don’t want to go that far. And then try to place rules like this. I’m not thirsty or sexually frustrated thank you. 

 

I’ve been through police harassment for years now. You’re not only not police. You’re under investigation for several reasons because of me alone from mistreatment to social disputes and discrimination of being associated to y’all. So I’ll make it as hot as I please. Your patients think I’m an employee as they try to scout what I have; what I buy and what I no longer need. I don’t have to make friends with anyone. So Hannah and her Teletubbies can buzz off with those ideals teasing and pleasures. That whole PG13 Sesame Street approach. Or the I’m so highly intelligent misunderstood and weird know it all been through alot very opinionated as if I’m ignorant. That’s fine if she’s Jewish. I’m with the muslims. And I know Jewish leaders who accepted that. There’s Jewish people who don’t accept you like you speak. And Kim Warner and Hannah brown can keep their specifically selected patients to themselves. I never cared and I don’t need to speak or interact with both of them like that  Kim especially. I don’t care if you call me or text me. Enjoy these calls and text messages. Because I don’t know who you women talking to about making you important. You have already been warned several times to not play with me emotionally in any way. And you continue. So you’re putting yourself; other employees; clients and patients in danger.l and that’s okay as long as it’s you as staff and I can go over everything said or did. Now explain to me why Kim Warner and Hannah Brown as such strong women would need my muscle ? Sexist ? Y’all can say whatever all because I have said some employees are attractive in a way. Everyone’s trying to act like this is a sex scandal or make him jealous or heartbroken. Y’all like the attention that’s why you don’t enforce the punishments sternly. Is it not a problem if she sexually accepts it ? Good thing these rules are in place now ? Doesn’t seem like you wanted to say no or stop huh ? Or hold on and address the matter ? Professionally you stop it there.  Not wait a few slash’s see how people feel and then make a decision. Before this document was in place, patients and clients enjoy it and make games out of it. Playing with others emotions. Anyone else want to knock my art over because I took a picture with Natalie holding it ? And they arrogantly and fluently say as long as you don’t go too far with what you’re doing I’m okay with it. As if you’re emotionally hungry. I did it throughout my incarceration and it was no different when coming to Rochester Psychiatric Center. As people expected and police needed that in order to do what they needed to. I don’t care if anyone likes me and I’m not gonna stay and look stupid like I’m searching and have a future with anyone. Cause we can really get into the emotional and sexual manipulation and interpretation of you like. And I have explained a lot to the Office of Mental health; Monroe County Sheriff Department; DOCCS; and NYS State police department. You people know you can’t arrest me because of what you did and been doing and hope you will do. Looks like your employees are struggling with knowing me and if my correspondences or what they say is true. If I make you feel empowered emotionally can I do a lot more ? Everyone wants to know how Natalie Sperling dodged a bullet. Do we still have our agreement Natalie? One on one’s are just what I need. Heather was too easy not worth the cake. 

 

I’m not here to be friends as you try to manipulate who’s around me for interaction; information and trying to sniff things out. For example does anyone want to go over the instigation of my past with either different females; races; people; experiences  and try to make it a conversation. Lying about a common subject trying to be clever ? Im a gang member like I have said before. Your staff tried to get patients/clients involved with me like I’m some dumb fuck. Your patients tried to get staff to have me help them. Is Edguardo a gang member ? So what would happen if those boys showed up outside for Brittani and I wasn’t there ? Cause Larry Cook can’t do shit. This ain’t old yeller. I’m not letting nothing slide and neither will the gangs I’m affiliated to or apart of. Edgardo and angel had all that to say about Brittani but can’t show up physically unless it’s for coffee or you’re a girl imma share with my friends. You shouldnt learn Spanish like that. Those clients/patients are basically sex offenders and your staff  clearly know it and you not reporting  it. Don’t try to make it seem like I’m okay with it or involved putting me in danger. Last time I checked your staff is trying to friendly extort this situation. We can go over the vague identity theft as a lie to say “they look up to me” as well. When they are continuing to try and tamper with what I’m doing. As if they can fill my shoes. I ain’t teach none of them anything and that’s why I say no to y’all because I have to by gang stipulations. So don’t try to make me accountable for any of them. 

 

None of you are going to tell me no sexist remark or comment was made or played out during a group or outing. So don’t imply or indicate that you want to use this procedure in emergencies as a security development. Did y’all ignore all the court papers and office of mental health correspondences or communication with public safety officers and city hall ? Or do you want to make jokes about how they screwed me over in the past After being humiliating and being manipulatively confident about yourselves physically and socially. It must be because outside of your staff I can talk to people around the group/outings who aren’t involved in mental health. The same way you had people intervene with my physical therapy and my planet fitness membership. To lie and try to bring me back into mental health. Jealous? 

 

So you’re going to tell me you as a female employee weren’t in competition with each other for jobs and attention?  Cause you can tell who’s mad they don’t get any ?before it was you were sexually comfortable and now you realize you’ve been being sexually humiliated the whole time. Do you think this is the first time a male employee tried yo drop a bug in my ear saying a female staff is interested in me and I gotta play along? Or be forced into other issues. Don’t you female employees have a pecking order ? Who gets taken advantage of the most ? I trained this person and that person. I got this many years of experience. Take care of this patient for me. He’s going through a hard time or I really like them as a person or I really think I can help them in life. Maybe you should monitor your habits more than mine in such a pathetic construed I’m sorry but I humiliated you approach of a letter. This is far from over. My silence is apart of many groups approach to catch up on papers because they are spoiled by how much is there already counted and depended on. 

 

So in the end it doesn’t really matter huh ? Your staff has emotionally manipulated themselves. Y’all don’t think you’re taking this Brittani Pietrefesca thing a little too far now? With employees or patients who don’t like her. Or those with intentional interest to play a harassment game known but not unknown ? Like they found something out about her past. Or the method from jail and prison used against me with an attractive employee ? Am I the perfect person for y’all to do this to repeatedly ? Because of my social life? Is this another one of your female experiments ?  The technique of your communication in all this is so basic and plain that it registers easily and I can respond back with the appropriate context using different words. You just don’t know the complete context. Are your auditions done ? Looks like Natalie now has two children who need to get along Heather. Maybe that’s why everyone’s trying to get on Natalie’s good side. The disrespect is to me as a man. Not your female employees. All because your patients want a reaction out of me. Who’s really going to do anything if I have any interest in a female employee. Police have just handed me the same opportunities in the past in jail/prison; Hospitals and in the street. Parents want their daughters to be encouraged. So I showed love. You never heard me go past compliments into sexual interest. The only reason this is about you women is because they as a community or group want to know what I’ll allow around or with women and what I’ll tolerate or remove myself from. And if I will qualify or be an asset or liability. Brittani Pietrefesca is an example of someone’s daughter used by these people who want to know if I’ll abuse my power or become controlling aggressive. I earned my way up the ladder. I’m not on the ladder as a step. Whether it’s awe that’s cute I love you to or it’s I’m going to manipulate your feelings. I don’t care. Do I mean something to you? Why now ? Whatever. Your patients need to understand they have a forever problem with me. You all included a female to try and make a distraction and give yourself a pathetic escape. Maybe I should ask my therapist about my emotions for staff and see if he can get me to talk to them or try to have them comfort me for a certain amount of time. Can I do that ? That’s what others do ? Wait I’m not suppose to say that. I’m suppose to be jealous and emotionally distraught because I thought more than what is. And I’ve been emotionally dependable for some time now and it’s becoming different types of stress and fatigue. I’m suppose to get mad and flip out wanting a chance or someone implying I lost my chance to them. Should I cry for substance about it ? If it’s anyhow true. Your staff just flipped the situation with patients and said it’s okay to harass  Fitz Fuller. This is more than conflict of interest now; even though I have to play along. Every incident is when I say we are done playing !! So act like you don’t know what I mean.You can’t argue with me about that. So you can stop talking to me like I’m stupid. Cause you’re not gonna keep harassing me or bothering me about a female employee and in attempt cause harm or try to play dumb like you ain’t know what you doing. Cause you already crossed that line several times already over your female employees. And your pathetic games. So you’re not going to tell me a damn thing when your patients think they can keep crossing the line. If I got along with people they would be more acceptable and include you in things instead of doing pathetic shit like baseball games or letchworth ? Do you want to be stranded all alone in farm fields ? So what did I do that was so critical that everyone has an issue or has something to say ? I didn’t make a move; I didn’t take an inappropriate picture; say something leading or with intentions ; I spread no rumors ; I didn’t force my way to her or around her; nor have I made plans. The only thing y’all got on me is me having an issue with the same employees and patients trying to be funny in my face doing things your rules say I c