#THIS WAS A BIT OF A SOMBER RESPONSE SORRY ANON

[definitelynotshouting]

had a thought. in social species, avoiding getting isolated from the group for an extended period of time is a survival instinct. hunger au grian's implied to have been basically not socializing during his time kicked from hermitcraft, just running and occasionally ducking into some random server to eat and hating himself for it. that's probably not helping his eating disorder situation, if on some level he's associated eating with being kicked out.

Oh yeah for sure :(( i think abt this a LOT, about the isolation he went through during that period before the search party found him. That was almost a full year of not really talking to anybody, never seeking close contact, deliberately keeping his distance except for the few times he snuck somewhere to feed and do the bare minimum to keep his code from falling apart. And eventually, he gave up even doing that, and took to the in-between to just. Move. Keep moving. No real focus, no actual destination in mind. For a very long time, it was move forward or die, and when he finally detected that the search party had tracked him down, he realized he'd only been delaying the inevitable and made a decision about it.

It kinda breaks my heart, ngl. To be so lonely and scared and knowing in your heart that you're living on borrowed time. To run as far and as fast as you can against the inevitable, out of pure desperation and stubbornness. In the fic, i mention that Grian considers getting kicked out of Hermitcraft as a death sentence, and that wasnt an exaggeration. He knew. He knew, deep down, from the moment he got kicked, that this was only going to end one way. Grian's a master of denial, yeah, but you can only look death in the face for so long before you realize it's been here the whole time.

His return to Hermitcraft in particular is gonna delve into this. It's gonna delve into a lot of things, tbh, but his isolation very much changed him. It's gonna be a long road, recovery-wise, with lots of set backs and non-linear healing. And, quite frankly, he may never truly be the same!! It'll be up to all of them to successfully reach a new normal together, once they actually get to that point in the narrative❤️ ;;;

[eunseoksimp]

Omg can you please write part 2 on infatuation where a third person get involved and wonbin losing his shit , you can end it however you like , I love your writing and i am always looking forward to your post, and also no pressure at all🫶🏻

hi anon, sorry this is so late (it was literally sitting in my drafts for three months). at first i had no intentions of writing a part two tbh, but i thoroughly enjoyed writing this up, as you can tell by the wc!

Pairing:Toxic! Park Wonbin x Fem!Reader

Genre: angst

Warning: wonbin is possibly the worst human being alive, reader may be slightly irritating with how flaky her emotions are, manipulation, gaslighting, strong language, wc is somehow 17.5k.

read part 1 here.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the cafe hummed with the gentle murmur of conversation, a soothing backdrop against the backdrop of your melancholy. you sat alone at a small corner table, your presence subdued amidst the vibrant surroundings. outside, the soft drizzle of rain painted intricate patterns on the windowpane, mirroring the intricate turmoil of your emotions.

yunjin arrived, her footsteps light but purposeful as she navigated through the cosy cafe. her eyes immediately sought out yours, a flicker of concern crossing her features at the sight of her friend's solemn demeanour.

‘you look like shit,’ yunjin deadpanned as she slid into the seat across from you. although you couldn’t quite blame her for her bluntness.

the bags under your eyes ran deep, a hollow emptiness emboldening your irises. your skin was pale, and cuts lined your lips from the sheer amount of time spent biting them.

you were a shell of your former self. soulless, vacant, moving around without purpose. you had lost your will to continue on, all because you had lost the man you loved.

it was pathetic really, how much your heart ached for him, how he was the one you called out for in the middle of the night when you awoke from your nightmare.

his heart belonged elsewhere now, to someone who wasn’t you. and nothing in the world could have prepared you for how gut wrenching it would be.

tired of your moping, and your lack of responses to her texts, yunjin had invited you out for an informal hangout, something more chill, just to get you to stop wallowing in despair and inhaling fresh air.

‘has that bastard called you?’ she spoke up again after a bit, acrylics tapping on the wooden table, eyes narrowing.

you shook your head, unable to articulate your reality. that maybe wonbin really was gone now. it had been two weeks since that day, the day your spirit was crushed, the day your love was harshly rejected.

despite all of this, you desperately wanted him to reach out to you again, just to hear his voice, to be able to smell him again, to have him in your arms, fingers tangled in his hair.

it was torturous, agonising, like a cruel joke that you were the only one not in on. how did things change so suddenly?

‘i swear if i see him i’ll kill him for you. i’ll cut his dick off and make him eat it,’ your friend was visibly upset for you, but a sick part of yourself worried for wonbin, not wanting anything bad to happen.

‘don’t,’ you say softly, picking at your nails, the familiar feeling of your throat tightening quick to accompany your already somber mood.

‘you still love him?’ yunjin sighs, reaching forward to take your hands in hers and giving it a squeeze. there were no traces of judgement in her voice, just pity.

it was a pathetic situation. a guy had strung you along for a year, told you sweet lies, pressed kisses across your face and looked you directly in the eyes as he said over and over again that he loved you.

you were blinded, unable to see the obvious red flags. it wasn’t normal to continue to stay with someone who gets a new girl. you must be stupid.

but what made things worse, was the fact that you still loved him. you yearned for him, a part of yourself still within his clutches.

you didn’t even realise you were crying until yunjin leaned forward, thumbs swiping at the tears.

‘you deserve more than him love. someone who will cherish you, and only you. he used you, like a prick, none of this is your fault,’ she had moved her chair next to yours now, cradling you in her arms as she patted your shoulder.

what could be more than park wonbin? what would be more radiant, more daring, more intoxicating than he was?

‘i just want him,’ you sob, and she soothes you by rubbing circles on your back whilst you try to stop hiccuping.

‘it’ll get better, i’ll make sure of it.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

2 weeks has slowly morphed into a month. 28 days without wonbin’s touch, without his presence in your life.

you wish you could say that things had gotten easier, but time was not a healer of your broken heart. the more the days went by, the more you suffered. every night you chewed your lip as you stared at his contact information, willing him to finally call you.

to do something. to not treat you like you no longer existed. to go back to being the one that you had fallen in love with.

but no matter how much you sobbed, or you suffered through your days with a weight on your chest, he wouldn’t return to you.

‘we’re going out. to a party,’ yunjin announces as she waltzes into your room, giving you a kiss on the crown of your head before she settles into the spot next to you on your bed.

‘party? yujin i-‘

‘oh no you don’t get a say. you’re coming, that’s final,’ she cuts you off, and you sigh in defeat, knowing that she was too stubborn for you to be able to win this battle.

seeing as it was already decided that your evening would be spent surrounded by sweaty bodies and excessive levels of alcohol consumption, you mourned the night you had planned of having, consisting of cheesy romantic comedies and various tubs of ice cream.

it was silent, yunjin busy tapping away on her phone, fingers moving furiously as she quietly spoke out what she wanted to type, sometimes pausing to think about her response.

‘that guy i was telling you about last week, you know mark lee-‘ she starts talking, but her eyes were still glued to her phone, and another buzz of her phone let you know that she was clearly still in the middle of texting.

‘sorry love,’ she apologises, eventually putting her phone down and now giving you her undivided attention, turning so her body was now facing yours.

‘anyways you remember mark lee right? the one i’m talking to. his best friend is having a party tonight and i thought it would be good for you to come.’

‘you really like him?’ you take note of the way her face lights up just by mentioning his name, suppressing the smile creeping on her lips, eyes looking down at the hands folded in her lap.

you wondered if this was what you looked like to others whenever you talked about wonbin.

‘i like him, and i have a good feeling he likes me too.’

‘then that’s all i need to hear. let’s go to that stupid party,’ you’ve barely got your words out before she’s squealing, flinging her arms around your neck and climbing onto your lap, pressing wet kisses all over your cheeks.

‘i promise you won’t regret it. he has this one friend, donghyuck, and i need you to meet him asap,’ she pressed one last kiss to your head, before sliding off of your legs and returning back to her spot on the bed.

‘i don’t want anyone other than wonbin.’

‘i’m not asking you to date him silly. he’s just a really good guy and i think he’s the energy you need right now.’

you hum in response, a question at the tip of your tongue, but it’s like you’re too scared to utter it. and so you go back and forth in your mind, wondering if it’s worth mentioning it.

‘spill it. you look like you’re putting yourself through torture,’ your best friend knows you too well, spotting the telltale signs that you were anxious, down to the chewing of your bottom lip and the twiddling of the ring on your finger.

‘do you think- um- do you think that, you know-‘ it’s hard to get the words out, with the way your heart was pounding ridiculously in your chest, thoughts racing at a million miles a minute.

yunjin scoots a bit closer, putting her hand on your knee, clearly able to see that what you wanted to ask was troubling you. 

‘go on babe, you can say it,’ she encourages you, patting your knee.

‘um- do you think wonbin will be there?’

her face softens, a look of sympathy flashing across her face at your question. 

‘i don’t think so.’

you’re not sure whether that’s a good thing or not. there was nothing that could prepare you to come face to face with park wonbin again without breaking down. but there was still that fleeting feeling; you wanted him back.

‘let’s forget about park wonbin tonight,’ yunjin says as she pats your knee twice, before standing up and heading towards your closet to look for your outfit for the night.

forget about park wonbin. could you do that?

the question continued to circulate in your mind, even as yunjin pulls you into the chair in front of your mirror to start your makeup, clearly not a novice as she primed, and patted and set your face. even as she managed to convince you that the black mini dress that she shoved into your arms was ‘the perfect length’, and that you were too young to be worrying about modesty.

‘you look amazing. fuck park wonbin,’ she spins you around to face your vanity mirror and you blink twice, taking aback by the person staring back at you. It had been months since you had even bothered to care about your appearance, your self confidence depleting to dangerously low levels, as you wished that you lived in an alternate world, where your beauty, just like ning ning’s was enough to keep wonbin from walking away.

but for the first time in a while you felt a surge of confidence, a newfound poise about who you were, about what you could be.

‘you deserve to have fun tonight. to remember what it feels like to be happy.”

she finishes your look with a pair of silver earrings which you’re sure you’ve only seen her wear once due to how precious she regarded it to be. yet here she was, without a thought, handing them to you.

‘thank you, yunjin,” you murmur, your heart swelling with gratitude. ‘i don’t know what I’d do without you.’

she grinned in response, pulling you into a quick hug. ‘that’s what best friends are for. now, let’s go show the world just how fabulous you are.’

you make your way to the front door, the sounds of the night already beckoning. grabbing your clutch, taking one last glance in the hallway mirror, the woman staring back at you looked poised, ready, but inside, you knew you were teetering on the edge of something unknown.

stepping out into the cool evening air, yunjin linked arms with you, a gesture of solidarity.

‘just remember, tonight is about you. about having fun and forgetting all the bad stuff. you’ve got this.’

you nod, taking strength from your friend’s unwavering confidence. together, you head towards the car, the promise of the party ahead a beacon of hope. as the engine roared to life, you let yourself believe, if only for a moment, that tonight could be the beginning of something new, a step towards healing and rediscovery.

the city lights blurred past as yunjin drove, chatting animatedly about the party, filling the silence with her infectious enthusiasm. by the time you arrived, a flicker of excitement sparkled within you, a small flame of anticipation amidst the shadows of her past.

turning off the engine, your friend takes one more good look at you.

‘fuck park wonbin.’

‘yeah, fuck him.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

forgetting park wonbin seemed to be a more difficult task than you had thought. all through the night your eyes were busy, sifting through the crowds, vigilant and curious as you swept over every single corner of the party you were in, in order to see if he would turn up.

it wasn’t like you were doing it on purpose, you were sure that the amount of time spent in the car reassuring and psyching yourself up were done through your genuine attempts of bravely moving on. but, as predicted, you no longer belonged to yourself. a part of you was still with wonbin, and your being desperately ached to feel whole again, with him.

‘having fun?’ you almost topple over as yunjin flings herself onto you, her arms latching around your neck as she presses kisses up your neck. you knew she wanted to be by your side the whole night, yet seeing the way her and mark were exchanging extremely intense eye contact from across the room, you pushed her towards the equally shy male and told her to enjoy yourself.

now she had returned, with a few unfamiliar faces with her, each of them waiting to be introduced as they watched the interaction between you and your best friend.

‘hey, i’m mark lee. it’s really nice to meet you,’ he’s the first to extend his hand towards you when yunjin pulls away, a bashful but nevertheless bright smile on his face as you greet him back with a firm grasp of his own hands.

‘it’s nice to meet you too. trust me, i’ve heard quite a bit about you too.’ you’re both laughing as yunjin turns red, reaching forward to playfully hit your shoulder.

‘this is my best friend donghyuck. super annoying and popular but he’s a great guy.’

a boy a couple inches taller than you steps forward, till the both of you are a few inches apart and you almost forget your composure as you stared at him. his honey kissed skin appeared ethereal, illuminated by the dim light cascading around the space you were in, beauty spots littering the expanse of his face. jet black strands fell elegantly in soft waves over his forehead, styled to perfection but still looking so effortless. his eyes were deep and warm, a shade of brown that held a quiet intensity, drawing you in.

the  jacket he had on was immediately slipped off and delicately placed around your own shoulders. how did he know you were feeling cold?

‘nice to meet you, i’m donghyuck.’

there was a charm that he possessed, one that captivated you and made you want to pay attention to whatever he was saying. such beauty was paired with genuine geniality, and you wondered how you had never come across him before. he was clearly popular, judging by the looks thrown at him by multiple different girls parading past him, but he never gave them much acknowledgement or seemed smug about it.

‘thanks for the jacket by the way,’ you express your gratitude towards him, offering him a small smile which he returns, all while yunjin shoots you a wink, pushing mark towards the middle of the dance floor and leaving you two alone.

‘it’s my pleasure. i couldn’t have you freezing to death at my party,’ you both laugh at his comment and you admire the way he is able to slip into the space next to you with ease, a wide grin on his face as he nudges you slightly.

maybe it was the small sips of alcohol you had taken, or the way the music seemed to surround you, the bass of the speakers vibrating in a steady rhythm that mimicked your heartbeat, or how the lights had paled to a vibrant blue and dancing across the walls, casting a kaleidoscope of hues over the mingling guests, but something about this atmosphere made you feel alive. your blood was pumping, everything moving in slow motion as if it was a scene in a movie.

‘this is good,’ you tilt your head back slightly, revelling in the moment, and exhale as if you were letting go of all of the problems you had prior to this. you hear a low chuckle, not needing to open your eyes to know that it was donghyuck.

‘glad you’re enjoying yourself. you look even prettier when you’re relaxed,’ your eyes flash open, trying to decipher what it was he was trying to do. but there was no ulterior motive detected by him, simply sipping from the beer can in his left hand, observing other partygoers.

as you begin to talk you notice how good of a listener he is, attentive to every word spoken, his whole body turned to face you as a show of his concentration. oddly enough, you feel safe, like you could say anything and he would take it all in. he had a way of making you feel at ease, his laughter infectious, and the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, making her heart warm.

‘to be honest i wasn’t that excited to come tonight. life hasn’t been the kindest to me and i would have preferred to curl into a ball and watch 10 things i hate about you. however, it’s nice being here, forgetting about things for a while.’

‘it’s always a good idea to escape the mind. being stuck there for too long makes it like a prison that will trap you in the same darkness till you can break free.’

you nod in agreement, slowly digesting his words. you were not a stranger to being stuck in your own mind, the past two months being a testament to it.

it’s silent for a while, but nothing about it is uncomfortable. there is a serene sense of contentment, two people who feel they’re in the right place at the right time.

‘there’s something about you,’ he says after a while, that intense stare trained back on you, and you fight the urge to cower away from it.

‘is that a good something? or a bad one?’

the question is left unanswered for a time, hanging in the air and over your figures. time didn’t stop for anyone, but tonight it appeared to slow its momentum, just for you.

‘good, of course.’

you chuckle, holding your hand out for a sip of the beer he seemed to be glued to. but he just shakes his head, disappearing from your side for a second just to get you a fresh one from the cooler. when he emerges again he’s gotten rid of his empty bottle and replaced it with a new one which he sets down on the counter as he works to get yours open first.

you thank him, raising the glass to your lips, the cool liquid slipping down your throat with ease. you gulp almost half of its content down, the taste slightly bitter and tingling your tastebuds but you push through.

donghyuck laughs at the way your face scrunches, your lips pursed as you swallow your last drop. ‘not the biggest fan of beer?’

‘it’s sour and lowkey gross. i prefer cocktails.’

‘your wish is my command,’ he makes a show out of giving you a quite dramatic bow, his left hand folding to his shoulder, and then he straightens up his posture and gestures towards a corner of the kitchen that you hadn’t noticed at first, a cupboard line with a few different types of bottles.

‘there’s tequila, smirnoff, ooh thought i finished that bottle of malibu. take your pick,’ he steps aside as you ponder over what type of drink you felt like having before settling for a passionfruit martini.

‘good choice,’ he tells you, taking you a bit by surprise when he asks for your permission to lift you up to the countertop to watch him make your drink. it’s more comfortable than it looks, and you happily swing your legs back and forth, finally feeling the effects of the beer you had chugged a couple minutes prior, a lot more talkative.

you find yourself enjoying his company a lot more than you thought you would and make a mental note to thank yunjin for pushing to make this all happen. it had been a while since you had taken a step out of your wonbin-centred universe and enjoyed conversation that had nothing to do with him.

for a moment, the shadow of park wonbin faded, replaced by the brightness of this new connection. donghyuck’s presence was like a balm, soothing the raw edges of your heart. the party continued around you, but in that corner, it felt like you were both in your own little world.

as the night wore on you both found yourself  outside on the balcony, the cool night air a refreshing contrast to the hellish warmth generated from all of the other bodies packed together.

the stars above sparkled like distant promises, and the city lights swindled like a million unspoken dreams. you close your eyes for a moment, soaking in the serenity of the night.

‘you know,’ donghyuck said after a while, his eyes fixed on the skyline, ‘there’s something special about nights like this. it’s like the word slows down and for a moment, everything just… makes sense.’

he’s about to vocalise your thoughts perfectly, and you nod in agreement. ‘yeah, i think i know what you mean.’

‘can i ask you something,’ donghyuck’s voice cut through the gentle murmur of the night, his tone carrying a weight of earnestness that shifted the atmosphere around you. his words hung in the air, a quiet intensity that demanded your attention, drawing your gaze to his face illuminated by the ambient light of the balcony.

you turn to him, curious and slightly apprehensive, yet undeniably intrigued by the change in his demeanour.

‘can i have your number?’

donghyuck sees the way your mouth opens, shock painted on your features, knowing enough to sense a rejection and he interjects, sensing your hesitation.

‘i’m not asking you out or anything, trust me. i just think we would be good friends. i like talking to you,’ he reassures you and you see sincerity in his eyes, a genuine desire to connect without any ulterior motives.

he was a great guy, and you were sure that in an alternative universe where both the name and sight of park wonbin had no sort of effect on you, the possibility of him having any sort of romantic feelings towards the end of the night wouldn’t have scared you as much. but this was the real world and your heart and mind were far too broken to entertain the idea of someone else taking over your life again.

‘yeah,’ you finally managed, your voice betraying a moment of vulnerability. ‘i’d like that too.’

relief washes over donghyuck’s face, a small smile tugging on his lips.

‘i don’t just give my phone number out to anyone you know. consider yourself lucky,’ you joke, in an attempt to ease the small amount of tension that had found itself between the two of you since you had met, hoping he wouldn’t take too much offence to your reaction and taking the unlocked mobile device out of his hands to fill out the contact information.

‘i’m sure i am.’

‘how are you getting home?’ he asks when his phone is finally back in his possession, saving the information on his phone before putting it down and turning his attention back to you, awaiting an answer to his question.

‘eager to get rid of me are we?’ you quip, raising an eyebrow in false disbelief and even making a show of crossing your arms across your chest and pushing off of the railing you were leaning on so you could be standing directly in front of him. he mirrors your body language, shaking his head, rapidly trying to reassure you.

‘i just want to make sure you get home safely.’

although this task proves to be quite difficult, given that yunjin has retreated to mark’s room for the night due to her less than sober state, and every other person that was around had also been drinking a sizeable amount. even trying to get a taxi at this time was in vain, given that it was quite late and nobody was around the area.

donghyuck has his eyes glued to his phone screen, bottom lip caught between his teeth. he raises his hand just to scratch the back of his head and you can see the cogs in his head turning, figuring out a way to approach the situation.

‘i mean you could stay over. i can take the couch and you would be able to sleep in my bed,’ he offers, and you feel bad because as much as you would like for him to get some good rest after the chaos of hosting a party all night, it was the only viable option.

he searches your face for confirmation and can tell how torn you are, ‘it’s fine, i promise.’ 

‘it’s fine,’ he repeats.

so even though it kills you to see him have to take refuge on the semi-hard couch in the middle of the living room that still had remnants of the party that was going on not even two hours before, you follow him up the stairs as he leads you to his room, checking to see that you’re behind him before opening the door.

‘got some spare clothes for you to change into here. um the bathroom is free for you to use too, i’m sure there’s some cleanser in the top cabinet to wipe off your makeup. anything else?’ your heart warms at how accommodating he’s being, giving you his clothes, allowing you to use his things, and even taking his bed.

‘i’ll leave you to get changed.’

‘wait, hyuck,’ you stop him just as he’s about to leave and he turns around, leaning his body onto the now half opened door. ‘thanks, for everything.’

‘my pleasure, sleep well princess,’ he flashes you a smile and then he’s gone and you can hear the soft thuds of him descending down the stairs, talking to who you assume is one of his housemates.

you hate to appear nosy but curiosity takes over you as you examine the things in his room. michael jackson vinyls, posters of a few indie bands, tame impala being the one that caught your eye first, an impressive collection of accessories. everything was just like he was, cool, chic, and a little playful.

his clothes are a little big for you, but you find comfort in the way it swamps around your frame, and it smells just like him. you’re surprised at how clean his bathroom is, a questionable amount of both feminine hygiene products as well as makeup wipes, micellar water and even some cleansing wipes.

‘charming,’ you thought to yourself, picking out the things you need, noting how a lot of it was fairly unused, before starting your bedtime routine.

discarding the used cotton pads and closing the lid of the bottle of the micellar solution, you close the tap, doing a quick once over of yourself in the mirror. the hand towels laid out neatly on the side are used to dry your damp hands and fold it neatly before walking back into his room.

it was gratifying, slipping into some clean sheets, basking in the warmth it provided you as you sank further and further under. but, as you expected, it was hard for you to actually fall asleep. you lay on your back, staring at the ceiling willing yourself to cave in to the restlessness you were feeling. yet try as you might it just didn’t work.

sighing, you turn over to look at the time on your phone that was charging on the bedside table. 3:02am and there were still failed attempts of getting you to sleep. groaning, you decide that perhaps some chamomile tea, or maybe even some warm milk could aid you.

it’s dead silent and you’re afraid of waking anyone up so you result in creeping down the stairs, on your tiptoes to make the minimal amount of noise you possibly could. apart from a couple of creaks in the floorboards it was relatively easy.

‘are you alright?’ donghyuck’s voice startles you, even though he’s only whispering and your hand automatically flies to your mouth to stifle a scream.

the lights in the living room are dim, the tv on albeit low in volume, but it’s not hard to tell that despite all of this he’s not comfortable. the spare sheets he was using were tossed to the side, and the constant rolling of his neck indicated that, as you thought, sleeping in that position was unpleasant.

‘can’t sleep?’ you ask him, and he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck as he sits up a little straighter. he reaches for his glasses, something you weren’t aware he wore and he perches it onto the bridge of his nose and running a hand through his hair.

‘i knew i shouldn’t have listened to jaemin about getting the cheaper couch. the expensive ones are pricey for a reason i guess,’ he jokes, but all you can do is feel bad. you can tell he wants to lighten the mood, to try as much as he can to not let it weigh on your conscience, but all it does is make you feel worse.

‘sleep with me,’ the words are out before you can even consider how it could be construed in the wrong way and the way his mouth hangs open makes you want to die of embarrassment.

‘not- no i meant- not like that,’ you’re stuttering, stumbling over your words, trying to correct your minor mistake.

‘i just meant i can see how uncomfortable it is sleeping out here, your room is big enough for the both of us to share.’

‘oh no, i don’t want to-’

‘hyuck please. you’re not making me uneasy in any way i promise. it’s your room anyway,’ you cut him off because you know exactly what he was going to say. from the small amount of time you spent with him you could gauge how much of a gentleman he was, and his efforts of being as respectable as possible didn’t go unnoticed.

‘please.’

he’s quick to give in, partially because he was eager to be able to ease the tension forming in the back of his neck, but also because he knew you wouldn’t give in until he listened.

‘fine, if you’re sure.’

he’s extremely cautious, letting you lead the way even though it was his own room, debating whether closing the door after him would make things seem a little too intimate. he opts for closing it, mainly because the light in the hallway was too distracting, but he still hovers over the bed, not really knowing what to do with himself.

‘what are you doing?’ you question him, slipping back under the covers before watching him from the position on the bed. judging by the things in his bathroom you were fairly certain this wasn’t the first time he’d shared a room with a girl. and it wasn’t like either of you had any other intentions.

‘don’t make this weird hyuck.’

it wasn’t your goal to make him laugh, but seeing the rigidity ease out of his form, you’re happy regardless as the right side of the bed dips slightly underneath his weight

he offers you a shy smile, his eyes warm and reassuring. ‘i’ll sleep on the edge, promise,” he said lightly, trying to ease any lingering awkwardness.

you chuckle softly, appreciating his thoughtfulness. “it’s fine, really,” you reply, feeling an unexpected sense of ease.

at first you lay on your side, facing away from him, but the space between the both of you was filled with a comforting presence. the room was dark, but the moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow.

your eyelids drooped, heavy with weariness as the weight of the whole day's activities fall upon your body, weighing you down. as you close your eyes, you feel the warmth of donghyuck’s body close to yours, a steady and calming presence. his breathing was a soothing rhythm, a lullaby that began to chase away the lingering thoughts about wonbin. there was a safety in the silence, a peace you hadn’t felt in a while.

donghyuck’s voice, soft and low, broke the quiet. “if you need anything, just wake me up,” he murmured, his tone filled with genuine care.

you nod, though you doubted you’d need to. for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt truly safe. the weight of the past seemed lighter, the shadows receding as you nestled into the comfort of the present. with donghyuck beside you, the world outside faded, leaving only the tranquillity of the moment.

sleep came easily,  your last thoughts a whisper of gratitude for the unexpected connection that had brought you peace.  maybe it was the small amount of alcohol still buzzing in your system, or the familiarity of your body next to another, that made you scoot just a little bit closer, body heat radiating off of one another as you let yourself be wrapped in the arms of another man.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the first thing you noticed when your eyes fluttered open slowly was the small but constant pounding settled in your temple. it made you wince, fingers rushing to massage the sore spot as you turned over in your space.

your hands reach out for something, but it’s empty and you frown. memories of the night before come flooding in bit by bit, and you sigh as the back of your head meets the pillow.

the sound of footsteps makes you sit up on your elbows, attempting to not look half asleep to donghyuck. instead you were met with the face of your suspiciously cheerful best friend, bounding through the doorway and flopping down on the bed right next to you.

‘morning sleeping beauty,’ she greets you, planting a sloppy kiss on your cheek and giggling at the way you pretend to be disgusted by it.

‘why are you so happy so early in the morning?’ you’re still feeling a little bit groggy, hair sticking up all over the place and you were sure you had a lot less to drink than yunjin did. so it made you wonder how she looked to be in a better position than you.

‘mark asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday.’

‘yunjin are you serious? that’s amazing.’

‘i know, i know, i’ll tell you all about it later. hyuck sent me upstairs to get you for breakfast,’ you’re both clearly excited, squealing like little girls, but it’s hard to ignore the low growl erupting from your stomach.

‘fine, you have to tell me every little detail later.’

you scramble out of bed, only now noticing the neat pile of clothes that donghyuck had folded for you to wear this morning. pulling the hoodie over your head and the basketball shorts up your thighs, you’re making your way downstairs, yunjin right by your side.

‘hey, you’re awake,’ donghyuck is the first one to spot you as you trail behind yunjin, suddenly feeling a little self conscious in the middle of the unfamiliar faces dotted around the kitchen.

he’s right in front of the stove, cracked egg shells in the palm of his hands as he mixes some batter for pancakes. gesturing for you to move closer, you can’t help but keep your gaze trained on the floor as you weave through the crowd that was starting to form.  his roommates, the ones you had briefly met last night, scattered around the table, turning their heads in unison, grinning mischievously as you approached.

you know what it looks like, coming out of donghyuck’s room, drowning in his clothes, and now he’s messing with the strings, pulling you in closer to mess with your hair. you can hear them whispering, teasing, the not so subtle whistling, it makes you feel even more shy as you try to move out of donghyuck’s reach and next to yunjin, even though all of her attention was focused on mark.

one of his roomates leaned back in his chair, a sly grin spreading across his face. ‘i hope his bed wasn’t too uncomfortable,’ he says, winking at you.

donghyuck rolled his eyes, but there was a lightness to his expression as he glanced at you.

‘hyuck’s never made food for the girls he brings over. it must be a miracle,’ a guy whose hair is a platinum blonde speaks up smirking, but his jokes seem to be directed more at hyuck than you.

‘cut it out guys. we just slept, nothing else,’ he points the spatula right at him, understanding what he was implying as  the boy raising his hands in defeat.

‘oh, just slept ,huh?’ another boy chimes in, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. ‘you two seemed pretty cosy when we peeked in this morning.’

your blush deepend, and you can feel hyuck’s embarrassment matching yours.

‘seriously, guys, give it a rest,” he said, setting a plate of pancakes on the table with a mock glare.

you shuffle awkwardly on your feet, praying that the focal point shifts away from you. one of the guys, you believe he introduced himself as jaemin, is the first to apologise, letting you know that he meant no harm.

‘our entire friendship is built on the foundation of embarrassing hyuck as much as possible.’

 jeno, the cute guy who started the teasing, follows suit, ‘i was just messing with him, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.’

you knew it was all just friendly banter, and it wasn’t exactly their fault that you weren’t the most sociable in front of new people so you let them know you weren’t offended or anything.

‘i think i’ve seen you around somewhere,’ jaemin tells you, pulling out a chair that surrounded the kitchen island so you could hop up first, all whilst hyuck was finishing flipping some pancakes.

‘me? from where?’

‘oh yeah, aren’t you wonbin’s friend? park wonbin.’

the mention of his name made your stomach drop. anxious, blinking back tears. everything came flooding back, all of your emotions going haywire and you have to turn away from them so you don’t give yourself away. the pain is excruciating, enough to make you light headed and your throat instantly tightens.

‘um- i wouldn’t exactly- um- call us friends,’ your grip on the kitchen counter increases, but the way your voice wavers makes donghyuck turn around, barely catching the stray tear that starts sliding down your cheek before you hastily wipe it away.

‘leave her alone and go about your day,’ he scolds his friend, motioning towards the door.

‘i thought the pancakes were for all of us?’

‘out. leave us alone.’

you’re both left alone in a comfortable silence and you’re grateful for donghyuck’s help in getting them to drop it. ‘hyuck,’ you call out to him, wanting to thank him.

‘we don’t have to talk about it. for now, we eat.’

a stack of pancakes are placed in front of you, syrup spread in a smiley face, mirroring the one on his face, and your shoulders relax, exhaling in relief.

‘let’s eat.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

your mind wanders back to the past two months and the unexpected bond that had formed between you and donghyuck. your conversations had become a daily comfort, his easy laughter and genuine concern a balm to your still-healing heart. 

he had been more than a distraction—he had been a true friend. from the late-night talks about your hopes and fears to the impromptu outings that filled you with a sense of normalcy, donghyuck had been there, steadfast and supportive.

his presence was a reminder that not all connections needed to be painful, that new friendships could be forged in the wake of old heartaches.

park wonbin was slowly but surely phasing out of your daily life and you were beginning to get back to your former self- more sociable, less self conscious, no longer weighed down by anxiety and dark thoughts.

your phone buzzes on the table in front of you, lighting up momentarily and displaying donghyuck’s name, and a string of messages he had just sent you.

hey picasso

how’s the art project going?

i’m hungry, are you free for lunch?

please say yes i don’t want to sit by myself :(

you chuckle quietly, your fingers moving to reply to his message to tell him that you would eat with him before setting your phone down.

almost immediately, his reply came through.

it’s my treat <3

you chuckled, shaking your head at another one of donghyuck’s little gestures, always finding ways to make you feel special. putting your phone down again, you feel a wave of gratitude wash over you. donghyuck had been a beacon of light in your life, guiding you through the darkness of your breakup with wonbin. spending time with him was always a joy, and he had quickly become a safe harbour, a place where you could simply be yourself.

packing up your art supplies, the soft chime of your phone stops you in your tracks, and you temporarily place your bag on the floor to glance at the screen, a new message from hyuck sending you the address of the restaurant as well as the name.

the name of the restaurant, ‘arang’, jumps out at you and your breath hitches as memories surge forward, unbidden. you hadn’t been there in almost a year, not since the last time with wonbin. the thought of him made your chest tighten as you close your eyes, letting yourself be momentarily swept away by the flood of recollections.

the first time you visited arang, it was a chilly winter evening. snowflakes gently drifted down, settling on your hair as wonbin laughed and brushed them away. you remembered the warm, inviting glow of the restaurant's facade, the way the soft lighting inside bathed everything in a cozy, golden light. you had sat by the window, watching the snowfall outside, your fingers intertwined over the table. the homely aroma of korean cuisine, the clinking of glasses, and the soft murmur of conversation had created a cocoon of intimacy around you both.

you shake your head, trying to dispel the vivid images. the past was in the past, there was no use of dwelling on it. plus the possibility of this day being the one that he also decides he wants to visit is slim, and you’re not even sure he would be around today, given that thursdays he usually didn’t have any classes and he would use this day for basketball practice.

you become akin to a robot, repeating this over and over again in your head, trying to convince your body- which has started to go into panic mode- that everything was fine and you were just overthinking.

stepping out of the school building after a visit to your locker you make your way to the restaurant. the familiar streets passed by in a blur, each step bringing you closer to a place filled with both joy and sorrow. it’s only when you see hyuck bounding towards you, arms outstretched, that your anxiety dissolves and you allow him to pull you into a bone-crushing hug, muttering something about how everyone but you had abandoned him.

‘i thought i was going to have to eat alone, nobody else wanted to come with me,’ is the first thing he tells you, clearly happy that you were here.

‘so you’re saying i was your last choice?’

‘no no no. i’m saying you’re my saviour,’ he loops his arms with your own, dragging you inside with him just as a couple is walking out. you let donghyuck go ahead whilst you kindly let them come out first.

‘hey -,’ the familiar voice calling your name makes you freeze, all limbs in your body stuck, rooted in the spot you were standing. donghyuck notices how you’re no longer beside him and turns around but is distracted by the waiter approaching him.

your mouth is dry, ominous thoughts squirming in the back of your mind as what felt like cold spider like fingers raced up and down your spine. you wanted to speak, to seem totally unbothered and unaffected like you thought you were. yet you couldn’t get words to come out.

the familiar figure of wonbin emerged from the sea of faces, his presence like a sharp pang to your chest. he stood tall and confident, his fingers laced between ning ning’s, her face practically glowing as she beams up at him, his eyes flickering to yours for a split second before landing on hers, leaning down, his touch gentle as he presses a kiss onto her cheek.

the feeling of a shard in your gut encompasses you, taking over all sensory input, comparable to death and bereavement as it washes over you like gruelling waves, choking the breath from your body and short circuiting your mind.

wonbin’s eyes met yours, a smug tugging at the corner of his lips because even though you haven’t said a word yet, he knows your body, how it reacts when you’re nervous, or when you had been disappointed by something he had did. you weren’t over him yet, and that was all he needed from you, blind devotion- just like it had always been.

his gaze was a calculated blend of charm and cruelty, a silent reminder of the control he had once exerted over your heart.

ning ning looks at you, sincere concern etched onto her features at the fact that you had not spoken, your skin paling and hands trembling.

‘are you alright?’ 

your throat is burning, eyes blinking furiously to keep the tears at bay, but you push through the pain and struggle to answer.

‘i-i’m fine, enjoy your day,’ you don’t give them a chance to reply as you turn and dart away from them, neck craning to try and find donghyuck.

you spot him at a table towards the back of the restaurant, waving to get your attention and sprint over, practically collapsing in your seat.

‘was that.. park wonbin?’ he’s careful, aware of the many times your body would stiffen up at the mention of him, or how you avoided talking about him as much as possible whenever he was brought up in conversation. he didn’t want to pry into something that clearly made you uncomfortable.

you nod in confirmation, debating whether or not you should tell him the full story. it was humiliating just thinking about how he would react when he heard how a simple boy had the ability to turn your whole life upside down. how suffocating it was just to see him in the vicinity of other girls, or how much grief it caused you to specifically see ning ning, when she was the one he chose and not you. 

despite all of this, donghyuck had been an amazing friend to you, and you felt that now was the right time to tell him the full truth. and that’s what you told him, starting from the day you first met, the addition of ning ning in the both of your lives and even how you continued to stay with him.

you expected him to look at you with disgust, or to judge you or even be disappointed. but donghuck was quiet, listening to every word you had to say, not once giving his own input.

‘pathetic right? i wouldn’t know what to say either.’

‘no that’s not it. i just thought about how upsetting it must have been. pouring your heart out for someone and getting nothing in return from them.’

‘he loved me. i guess he just- i must have done something to make him stop,’ it’s a habit of yours, rushing to wonbin’s defence whenever anything unfavourable is said about him. you don’t want him to be the bad guy in the story.

he frowns at your words, reaching out for your hand, ‘ please don’t take this the wrong way. you’re not the problem, he is.’

‘what do you mean?’

‘he was using you. using your kindness, your devotion to him, the way you loved him. and he was using that for his own gain, to feel good about himself. and then when you tried to push the boundary he put you in, he abandoned you,’ he explains, and although they were words you had heard before, namely from an extremely infuriated yunjin, you couldn’t bring yourself to accept it, to accept that park wonbin was not good.

‘that’s not true, he didn’t use me.’

‘it’s hard to hear, i understand. regardless, know that there’s nothing wrong with you, there’s nothing that you did that can explain why he’s acting like that,’ donghyuck pities you, seeing how reluctant you are to think badly of him. to love excessively is to be blind to all of the ugly parts of the person, shielding yourself away from it.

‘but-’

‘i’m speaking from experience, trust me. i know all about giving your everything to someone, loving them earnestly, thinking that they felt the same, only for them to throw it back in your face,’ it’s the first time you’re hearing about this, seeing a normally cheerful donghyuck change into a forlorn figure, appearing uncharacteristically apprehensive.

‘she left me, all alone when i needed her the most. it hit me so hard, i was sure that i would never be able to feel again. that i would just be numb and broken forever,’ he feels willing to share his own story, to offer you a beacon of light to what you felt was a hopeless situation.

‘that’s why i was so interested in you that night. that calibre of heartbreak, i recognised myself in the sadness of your eyes, feeling uneasy and restless, i understood it all before you even had to tell me your story,’ suddenly that night made more sense to you, why he was so attentive, unwilling to let you out of his sight, going the extra mile just to make you feel comfortable.

‘i see my old self in you, that’s why. we’ve got to build that self confidence all the way up.’

‘everyone deserves love- well not everyone- but you definitely do. you’re a good girl- not in the kinky sense, wow i have got to stop-‘

‘hyuck,’ you cut him off before he can ramble on any further, a habit of his you had picked up on due to his overactive sense of imagination and his inability to multitask.

‘sorry. what i’m trying to say is you’re pretty, a good person, funny and you’re smart as fuck. any guy would be lucky to have you.’

‘you’re just saying that.’

‘i mean it though,’ his face softens, and it’s the most sincere look you’ve seen from hyuck since the first time you met him.

‘you might not believe it now, but trust me. that’s what i’m here for, project mend your heart and make you confident.’

‘and who else but the sexiest man alive to be of assistance.’

you’re laughing, genuine laughter which was something that seemed to become more common when with donghyuck.

‘jeno would beg to differ,’ you tease him mindlessly, a throw away comment that didn’t have much meaning to it. but in true hyuck fashion, everything had to be dramatic.

‘i knew it. i knew you wanted to fuck him,’ he points at you, shouting louder than he should have been in a restaurant, and you sink further into your seat in embarrassment, whilst he mouths quick apologies and bows his head to the few curious customers that turned in your direction.

‘i never said i wanted to fuck him, where did you get that from?,’ your voice is hushed, cheeks flushed as you fight the urge to reach over the table putting a distance between you two and throttle him.

‘well you just inadvertently said you thought he was sexy. what’s the next step from that? begging him to fuck.’

you crinkle your nose in disgust, donghyuck acting like he had uncovered some kind of dirty secret, looking rather smug as he folded his arms over his chest.

‘maybe in a teen fiction book. that’s not how things work in the real world stupid. 

‘of course it does. people who are attracted to other people normally end up having sex,’ he states as if it’s the most obvious fact in the world, backed by scientific evidence.

‘not true. i think you’re sexy too but i’d rather keel over and die than be sexually intimate with you.’

but you instantly regret saying that when you see how his eyebrow quirks, his smile becomes a smirk and he leans in towards you.

‘so what i’m hearing is-‘

‘no, you’re not hearing anything. shut up and eat,’ you’re shoving cooked chicken into his mouth before he can have another outburst and bring more shame to your table.

giving up, he takes the tongs out of your hands to put some in your own bowl, placing the pork belly on the grill next.

you both eat in relative silence, enjoying the food, with occasional comments about how good the food is.

‘so-‘ donghyuck speaks up after almost five minutes of no conversation.

you can already tell he’s going to say something stupid by the way he’s raised his eyebrow, leaning forward on his elbows.

‘you think i’m sexy huh?’

‘i’m starting to regret meeting you for lunch.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

it was becoming a regular occurrence for you to be dragged out of whatever comfortable position you were in on a saturday evening, yanked out from under the comfort of your duvet by your friends just so you could hang out. tonight was not any different, only this time you were struggling to understand why you were even called out.

‘i don’t know why you invited me and hyuck on a double date, we’re not in a relationship,’ you tell yunjin who pretends like she can’t hear you, allowing herself to be swept away into the arms of her boyfriend, only turning around to stick her tongue out at you and you huff at her childishness.

it had been such a long week and as much as you loved hanging out with these three, another episode of it’s okay to not be okay was calling your name. well, more like another hour of drooling over kim soohyun but that's besides the point.

‘yeah, even though she wants to be with me so badly,’ donghyuck appears beside you, arm lazily hung over your shoulder as he teases you, even going as far as puckering his lips, pretending to ask for a kiss.

you shove him, and he narrowly misses the gigantic pole a few cm away from his face. turning towards you with narrow eyes he lunges forward, successfully grabbing you by the sleeve of your jacket and tugging you closer to him.

‘let me go lee donghyuck, i swear to god,’ your pleas fall on deaf ears, as he’s too busy tickling you to care for your empty threats, enjoying how you’re squirming in his hold and using one arm to hold you up by the waist so you don’t fall.

‘cant hear you over the sound of your squeals.’

‘you two act like this and then wonder why so many people think you’re together,’ the couple who were once further ahead realised that both of you were no longer beside them, and turned around to see you in the predicament you were currently in. yunjin crosses her arm as she stands in place, but contrary to her posture she’s smiling. mark adorns a similar look, content that the two of you got along so well. he remembered how distressed yunjin was whenever they met up four months ago, before they started dating, worried about you, wondering when you would be happy again.

meanwhile you freeze in his hold, and donghyuck stops, looking down to see your face.

‘do people really think that? that me and donghyuck are dating?’ panic is evident in your tone, by the way your voice shakes.

‘donghyuck can’t be that bad,’ mark jokes, not gauging the way the atmosphere had changed a little bit.

‘it’s not that. it’s just- do you think wonbin will think that too,’ you ask to no-one in particular. you vowed to stop talking about him, figuring your friends were tired of hearing you speak about him time and time again. the words became forbidden from spilling from your lips, and it felt almost foreign for you to say it again.

‘fuck wonbin. who cares what he thinks. he has no right to have any opinion on who you are or aren’t dating,’ there’s a fire in yunjin’s eye, one that tells you she means every word she says and you bow your head, choosing to focus on your shoes instead of meeting the eyes of the three standing in front of you.

mark seemed to be the only one unaware of the whole situation, and looks to donghyuck, thinking they were in the same position. but when he tells you he agrees with yunjin, and rubs your shoulder, he realises he’s the only one. you had seen mark quite a lot in the past three months, but he knew it was probably something you didn’t want to talk about for now, especially because although you had developed a decent friendship, you weren’t exactly best friends. although he did have to wonder how donghyuck found out.

‘we should get going, we’re going to be late,’ your desire to change the subject causes you to shift the focus on to something else, namely the restaurant that you had planned to go to. you know that yunjin wouldn’t easily forget this conversation, that within this week you would end up having a serious talk about your feelings for he who shall not be named. but for now she shows you mercy, pulling mark along with her to lead the way.

in a matter of minutes you arrive at your destination, a dimly lit pan-asian restaurant, decorated with japanese kanji on the walls and various references to koi fish. you’re immediately greeted by a server, leading you to a table for four almost in the middle of the restaurant.

donghyuck, being the gentleman he is, helps you slip out of the thin cardigan you were wearing before pulling your chair out for you and pushing it closer to the table once you were sat, whilst mark mirrored those same actions.

hyuck was animatedly recounting a funny story from his high school days, his expressive gestures making you all laugh. he always added the right amount of exaggeration to achieve the art of storytelling. the conversation was flowing smoothly, laughter erupting here and there, so much so that you almost didn’t notice the figure approaching your table.

‘mark? hyuck? fancy seeing you guys here,’ it’s ning ning in all of her beauty, and you curse yourself for falling into a trance, admiring how perfectly her hair was styled, and the way the dress she wore fit her body like a glove. a leather trench coat was draped around her shoulders underneath the black dior saddle bag, matching with the pumps that clothed her feet. anyone with eyes could see that ning ning was alluring, the words pretty or cute would be lost on someone as perfectly crafted as her.

your instincts cause you to fearfully scan the room, half expecting wonbin to be not too far behind just like last time, but instead you could see the group of girls waiting at the table she had just left, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in.

‘hey ning ning, it’s been a while.’ you’re surprised that she even knows mark, until you’re told about the music class they share and small flashes of them sharing a stage for the school's summer festival flash in your mind. her energy is enthralling, captivating the attention of everyone at the table, drawing them in with her kind smile and envy courses through your blood at the quality you’re unable to share with her, your personality paling in comparison to hers.

you’re so lost in your own thoughts that you don’t even hear her asking a question, until everyone turns towards you, and you’re met with four sets of eyes on you.

‘i’m sorry i didn’t hear what you said, i think it’s the noise in here,’ you blame it on the music that plays fairly softly in the background, and the small bustle of conversations surrounding you, but if she had picked up on your poor attempt of an excuse, she didn’t seem to show it.

‘i was just asking if you were feeling better. last time i saw you i was quite worried.’

it’s frustrating, how much you would prefer for her to be a bitch, so you could justify any sort of hatred aimed towards her, and spend your time speaking ill of her just to satisfy the dull ache in your chest. instead she was lovely, extremely compassionate and totally unaware of the despair that her mere presence brought you.

‘i’m fine now,’ you don’t mean to sound so cold but it’s hard for you to muster up the strength to push aside your feelings, so you offer her a tight-lipped smile, one that has the corner of your lips quivering from how hard you force it to stay up.

‘that’s good to hear, you definitely look a lot better.’

‘oh i’m sorry, is this a double date?’ she asks, as if the revelation had just dawned on her that two boys and two girls sat together at a restaurant on saturday evening, dressed a bit more fancily for it to be a simple hangout.

you wanted to correct her, to protest her statement but you feel donghyuck pinching your knee under the table  and he answers for you, ‘yes we actually are.’

you’re perplexed, unsure of what reason he would need to lie, but you figure he would explain things to you after she left.

‘aww that’s so cute, i’ve always wanted to go on one of those,’ more small talk is made, but you’re stuck staring at hyuck’s face, trying to decipher his thoughts but failing miserably.

‘i’ll leave you guys to it, enjoy your night,’ ning ning finally departs from your table, calling out over her shoulder as the rest of her friends also rise to their feets, signalling their exits. you wait till you see the last girl push past the swinging doors before you lightly hit donghyuck on his shoulder.

‘why didn’t you tell her we’re not dating? this is definitely not a double date and you know that.’

he shrugs his shoulders in response, like it wasn’t a big deal before he answers. ‘because what good would it do her if she knew.’

you’re even more confused now by what he’s saying. does he mean that both of you should pretend to be in a relationship like the main characters of a romance novel?

‘so are you saying we should fake date?’

‘is this another one of your schemes to get me to fall in love with you?’ he jokes, and you realise that you seem to be taking this a lot more seriously than he is.

‘hyuck,’ you warn him.

‘i’m just saying if people think we are, do we really need to keep on explaining. it’s nobody’s business and it doesn’t hurt to look unavailable when you’re clearly not interested in dating at the moment.’

‘that’s true, it’s not like you’re going around telling people. plus if people think you two are dating they’ll stop with their stupid questions,’ yunjin agrees with his sentiment, and you pick up on a further ulterior motive, one which involves preventing wonbin from trying to swoop back in and sweep you off of your feet when he feels like it. she doesn’t say this out loud, but the look she shares with donghyuck speaks for itself.

‘whatever, all of this talk about dating makes me nauseous,’ it was meant to be received as a joke, but your voice, tinged with a mixture of bitterness and sadness, causes hyuck and yunjin to exchange concerned glances.

ning ning had just left the table after a cordial exchange, yet the atmosphere felt heavy, laden with unsaid words and unspoken truths, the lively hum of conversations from other diners providing a comforting backdrop for the lingering tension in the air.

mark looks around, blinking slowly, sensing the change but seemingly the only one unaware of its cause.

‘something tells me you all know something i don’t.’

you take a deep breath, gathering your thoughts as you feel dongyuck’s reassuring presence besides you, his hands gently resting on your shoulder.

‘ning ning is…. well, she’s dating my ex-boyfriend, wonbin,’ you began, your voice steady but laced with an undercurrent of pain. ‘it’s a long story, and not a very happy one.’

mark’s expression softened, and he leaned in slightly, giving you his full attention. ‘you don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable. but I’m here to listen if you want to share.”

you nod, appreciating his sensitivity. “thanks, mark. i think it’s time you knew,’ taking another deep breath you continued.

‘when i was with wonbin everything was perfect, he was charming, attentive, and made me feel special. i thought i had finally found the one.’

you pause, the memories swirling in your mind as you take a big gulp. yunjin reached across the table, taking your hand in a comforting grip and you drew strength from her touch.

‘he told me that he didn’t like ning ning, and that he was dating her only in public just for appearances. it sounds stupid now but i really wanted to believe it, and i did. eventually i got tired of everything, i wanted to be the only one, to make things public and that’s when he got upset and told me he didn’t love me. he left me for her, ning ning.’

mark’s eyes widened with shock and sympathy. ‘that’s awful, i’m so sorry you went through that.’

his expressions were open and earnest, and you felt relief that he didn’t judge you and instead showed genuine sympathy. 

‘i can’t imagine how tough that must be. but you’re incredibly strong for getting through it and for sharing this with us. you don’t have to face it alone.”

yunjin squeezes your hand tighter. ‘we’re all here for you. you don’t have to carry this burden by yourself.’

‘and we’ll make sure to keep things light and fun. like, i can always offer to trip wonbin if he ever shows his face around us again,’ you couldn’t help but laugh, the tension easing slightly as mark also chuckles, the mood lifting with shared laughter.

as the evening progressed, the conversation shifted to lighter topics, the supportive presence of your friends helping to ease the pain of the past. though the memories of your relationship with wonbin still lingered, you knew you weren’t alone, surrounded by friends who cared deeply for you.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the next day ning ning joins wonbin in his room after a long day of classes, looking to relax in his presence. instead she’s met with the sight of him slouching in his gaming chair, his hair a fluffy mess, wearing only a black tank top and basketball shorts, making her feel out of place in her pleated skirt and corset top. kicking off her shoes she settles for the edge of his bed, settling into relative silence as she’s left to scroll on her phone. a picture she had taken at the dinner last night reminding her of who she saw.

‘i saw that friend of yours, the one at the game and at the bbq place too. she was at the same restaurant as we were.’

‘oh really?’ wonbin is uninterested, eyes focused on the game, cursing under his breath at the death of one of his teammates, furiously manoeuvring the buttons on his controller, almost forgetting that his girlfriend was in the vicinity.

‘she was on a date. well a double date actually,’ ning ning continues, choosing to move as closely to him as was possible despite his lack of focus on her.

unknowingly the controller slips from his hands, and he freezes, sure that he had misheard what she had said.

‘a date?’ he repeats in disbelief. the person that he knew you as wouldn’t even be able to bring herself to have romantic feelings for another guy, let alone boldly accepting a date with one.

‘yeah. why is that so shocking?’ she kneels down to pick up the console and hand it to him and he has to fight to conceal how he truly feels, just so that she doesn’t suspect anything.

‘no reason, she's just- you know pretty shy and stuff. didn’t think she would be the type,’ the lie easily falls out of his mouth, and he almost applauds himself for how convincing it sounds as ning ning hums and nods her head, aware of the few times she had encountered her how little she spoke.

‘she seemed super extraverted when i saw her. and her and donghyuck, they look so cute together,’ unaware of the change in wonbin’s expression ning ning continues to talk about last night, all whilst wonbin is left to think.

he’s unsure how the two of you even became acquainted, given that he was one of the most popular people in school. the thought of you moving on was one he had never factored in, so sure that no matter how he played it you would always be putty in his arms, dancing to whatever tune he set. 

was it all a lie when you begged for him, telling him it was impossible for you to move on? he’s not sure what the emotion he’s feeling is called, but it burns inside of him and he’s not feeling good about it.

a flash of anger crossed wonbin’s face, but he quickly masked it with a tight smile. ‘i see. so, she’s dating donghyuck now?’

ning ning shrugged, not sensing the shift in his demeanor. ‘it seemed like it. they were really sweet together. anyway, how have you been? I missed you.’

wonbin’s mind raced, anger and jealousy twisting inside him. how dare she move on so easily? he had always controlled the narrative, made her feel insignificant, and now she was out there, smiling and happy without him. the thought infuriated him.

‘i’ve been fine,’ he replied curtly, his tone betraying his inner turmoil. ‘tell me more about this double date. what were they doing?

still unaware of his growing anger, ning ning began recounting the evening. wonbin’s grip on the armrest tightened, his knuckles turning white. ‘it sounds like everyone had a good time,’ he said through gritted teeth.

finally noticing the tension in his voice, she stopped and looked at him with concern. ‘wonbin, are you okay? you seem upset.”

he forced a smile, shaking his head. ‘i’m fine. just a bit tired, that’s all.’ she reaches out, touching his hand gently. ‘if something's bothering you, you can tell me. you know that, right?’

‘i know, thanks babe. it’s just been a long day. let’s not talk about the double dates anymore.

ning ning nodded, sensing that it was best to let the topic drop. she shifted closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. ‘alright. let’s just relax and enjoy the evening together.’

as she snuggled against him, wonbin wrapped an arm around her, his thoughts still fixated on you. he couldn’t stand the idea of you being happy without him, and he resolved to find a way to regain control over the situation.

it prompts him to decide to ask about it the next day at school, desperate to find out more. wonbin’s features twisted into a determined scowl, last night’s revelation still echoing in his mind, fueling a mix of jealousy and indignation. you, the one he was so sure he would always have a hold one, had moved on with donghyuck. the thought gnawed at him, stirring a toxic concoction of anger and resentment.

he spotted shotaro, known for his sunny disposition and extensive network of friends, intercepting him near his lockers, his voice clipped with urgency. ‘shorato, i need to ask you something, i heard a rumour yesterday.

‘sure, wonbin, what’s up?’ shotaro, always obliging, nodded and adjusted his backpack.

‘i heard that donghuck has a new girlfriend,’ he puts effort into appearing nonchalant, scrolling on his phone as if he had better things to do, and as if it was just insignificant gossip he had heard in passing.

‘yeah it seems so, i think you know the girl too, the one at your basketball game. they’re together all the time now. i’ve seen them come into school together too a few times,’ shotaro is none the wiser, easily dishing out the gossip, all whilst wonbin fights hard to control the way his jaw now tics, rage pulsing through his veins as he felt a flash of irritation.

it was clear that the time apart between you two had done more harm than good. but park wonbin was not a nice guy, or someone often graced with rational thoughts. to him, in some sick and twisted way, you were cheating on him. you had betrayed his trust and he refused to let this go on any longer.

a flicker of rage crossed wonbin’s face, quickly masked by a cold smile. ‘interesting. and what else have you heard?’

shotaro frowned, sensing the tension in wonbin’s demeanour. ‘well, there’s also talk about donghyuck hosting a party this weekend. he’s invited a lot of people already but it seems like anyone could come.’

wonbin’s mind raced with possibilities. a party meant an opportunity to see you, to confront you in a social setting where he could exert his influence. he nodded slowly, his plan forming with each passing second. ‘thanks, shotaro. see you around.’

with that, he turned on his heel and strode down the hallway, his mind focused on the upcoming party. he needed to regain control, to remind you of your past and what you both once shared. wonbin was determined to break you down, to manipulate your emotions.

throughout the day, wonbin’s thoughts remained fixed on his plan. he knew exactly what he needed to do at donghyuck’s party. he would corner you, slowly chipping away at your resolve until you saw that being with him was where you truly belonged.

making his way through the crowded halls, wonbin’s outward appearance was calm and collected, but inside, a storm of determination raged. he would stop at nothing to win you back, even if it meant using manipulation and deceit to achieve his goal. the party was just the beginning of his calculated scheme to reclaim what he believed was rightfully his.

perhaps it was narcissistic, the sense of entitlement that he felt that created the need for admiration, but your naivety and how easy it was to get you to fall at his knees at his every word meant that he would not let go of you.

 not until he wanted to.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

‘home sweet home,’ you kick off your shoes, barely getting your jacket past your waist until you flop onto donghyuck’s bed. it was his birthday today, meaning you had been on your feet all day, making sure his cake was ready, or that the cocktails ordered were the right flavours amongst other last minute things.

as tired as you were though, it didn’t bother you as much. hyuck had been a good friend to you, someone you cherished dearly, so giving up a few hours on his special day was not much of a hassle. you had just gotten back from picking up the birthday cake and cupcakes from the bakery with yunjin and mark, and decided to get what little rest you could before you had to get ready for the party.

‘move over,’ yunjin is motioning with her hands for you to leave some space for her, and as soon as you do she’s lying down besides you whilst mark watches at the doorway, arms folded with a smile on his face.

‘what’s got you smiling?’

‘i’m just thinking about how happy i am for hyuck. he’s got a girl that finally cares about him,’ you sit up at those words so suddenly that you’re sure your vision shifts for a couple of seconds.

‘they’re not in love with each other mark, give it up babe,’ yunjin speaks up for you, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. it wasn’t a secret that mark heavily advocated for the two of you to be together, given that hyuck was his bestfriend and the two of you were getting closer. he believed that your shared experiences of getting your heart broken and being taken advantage of due to loving too hard would work in your favour if you became a couple.

it was a thought that weighed heavily on your mind during this week. you were certain that if you were to be in a relationship with him, your worries of not being loved, or being abandoned, or being treated poorly like the rest of your exes would no longer be a concern. he was the sweetest boy you had ever met, and he always had your best interests at heart.

‘do you really not see hyuck in that way?’ mark turns the question to you, and it makes you pause and think. in an ideal world he would be the perfect partner for you, the one that you needed. but it was impossible to fill a wonbin shaped hole in your heart with someone that wasn’t him.

‘i wish i did,’ you confess truthfully, and to yunjin’s surprise, a little sadly. it makes her also now sit up, bringing her arms around your shoulders to bring you into a hug.

‘it’s alright if you don’t. you’re allowed to take as much time as you need to heal, there’s no time limit for that.’

her words comfort you and she gives you a small squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before she’s up on her feet again.

‘we have two hours before people start arriving and i need at least thirty minutes for my eyeliner alone.’

you’re left in hyuck’s room by yourself, deciding on also getting ready, even though it was a bit too early for you. a part of you felt bad for the mess you were sure to make in his room, your makeup products and brushes laid all over the table, outfit on his bed and a couple pairs of heels by the foot of his bed.

music played softly in the background as you sat at donghyuck’s vanity, your reflection framed by the ornate mirror adorned with fairy lights that you had convinced him to hang up. you ran your fingers through your hair, contemplating how to style it for the evening ahead.

it was nice to have a moment to yourself, leisurely taking your time to get ready. however, it meant that you were also left alone with your thoughts, which were anything but peaceful.

maybe you had healed. maybe all you needed to be completely over wonbin would be to allow yourself to be with someone else. it might help the thoughts of him that would momentarily flash in your mind, or the part of you that you felt still blindly loved him. it was time to let park wonbin go. for good.

just as you finished styling your hair into loose waves, there was a gentle knock on the door and before you could respond, mark and yunjin poked their heads into the room.

‘hey,’ mark greeted, leaning against the doorframe. ‘how’s it going in here?’

yunjin steps inside, her eyes bright with excitement as she waltzes into the room, mark in tow. ‘you look gorgeous my love. are you almost ready?’

you chuckle softly at their excitement, ‘almost, just finishing up. thanks for letting me borrow donghyuck’s room, mark.

mark nodded, his expression kind. ‘of course. take your time, everyone’s still doing one thing or another.’ 

‘someone would think that you were the birthday girl,’ mark joked as he admired his girlfriend parading around the room, a second pair of heels in her clutches.

‘looking good doesn’t need an occasion my love.’

you weren’t too far off either, your hair curled beautifully, cascading down to your back, and the black glittery two piece you wore clung to your body. you would have settled for a simple dress or even some jeans, but yunjin profusely objected, threatening to disown you.

according to her, as his closest friends they had a duty to look equally as good as donghyuck, although you were sure it was just an excuse for her to get all dressed up, like she loved to do.

‘whatever you say princess.’

the soft murmur of conversation fills donghyuck’s room as you all lounged comfortably on his bed, basking in the calm before the storm of his birthday party. you were taking refuge here after helping set up downstairs, enjoying a brief respite before the festivities began in earnest.

yunjin pulls out her phone, noting the time. ‘i think the first guests should be arriving soon,’ she remarked, glancing at you and mark.

‘yeah hyuck said they’d start showing up around this time. we should probably head downstairs.’

you all descend the stairs together, the llively chatter and laughter from downstairs growing louder as you approached the front door. you swung it open first, just as the doorbell chimed, revealing a group of donghyuck’s friends eagerly waiting to join the celebration.

‘hey, come on in!’ you greet them warmly, stepping aside to let the guests enter.

mark and yunjin followed suit, exchanging greetings and directing everyone towards the living room where the party was unfolding. upstairs, the boys were still in full swing, pre-gaming and engaging in last-minute preparations and games. donghyuck’s voice echoed down the stairs as he rallied his friends for the night ahead.

meanwhile, you busied herself ensuring everything was running smoothly. you checked the food and drinks, adjusting a few decorations here and there to perfectionist standards. the cake was laid out carefully on the kitchen table, surrounded by the mini cupcakes, and drinks were lined up with three hired bartenders. the decorations were just as you had imagined, and the presents that his friends were bringing for him were in place.

‘you could totally become an event planner,’ donghyuck’s voice causes you to turn around and you gasp at the sight of him as he leans against the counter casually. he’s always been attractive, that was non-disputable, but tonight it seemed like he had exceeded those plain terms. it reminded you of the night you first met, his dark tresses providing a flawless contrast with his skin, golden and clear, dotted with the beauty marks you loved to stare at so much.

the leather jacket he wore seemed to fit him well, and you wondered if all the time he had recently been spending in the gym was finally paying off by the way his white shirt clung to his body. but it was the faint traces of eyeliner circling his hooded eyes that left you awestruck, complimenting his eyes.

‘is this your way of telling me i look good?’ he bites his lip before a smirk graces his lips, playfulness emboldening his irises as he steps closer and closer, until you can smell the cologne that lingers on his shirt.

‘you do,’ you’re straightforward with your answer because it’s the truth.

‘i’ve got nothing on you though. thought an angel temporarily came down to visit,’ he says jokingly, but something about the look in his eye makes you feel that he means his words. 

the space between you becomes non-existent, and slowly you feel him brush a stray piece of hair away from your eyes, his fingers lingering around your face for longer than it usually would.

your eyes meet, a silent conversation unfolding between you if you were suspended in a moment outside of time. the air in the kitchen crackled with an electric tension, the proximity intoxicating, the space between you charged with a magentic pull.

you’re about to reply but you’re interrupted by jeno and jaemin, a bottle in each hand, hollering about taking shots for the birthday boy. tension that you weren’t sure was even possible to feel with donghyuck dissipates, and you feel him go back to his old self as he allows the boys to drag him out to the middle of the dance floor.

‘what was that all about?’ yunjin asks, and you failed to notice her standing behind jeno’s bigger frame, causing you to jump a little. she looks at you suspiciously, as if you had done something and gotten caught.

‘nothing,’ your reply is too quick, voice far too squeaky for her to believe you, and she had known you for too long to be deceived so easily.

‘so that means there was something. it looked like he was about to kiss you.’

you knew that, you were aware that the way his eyes would flicker down to your lips, or the way his second hand came and held you at the small of your back. you’d been kissed before, and it wasn’t hard to miss the signs. but something else shocked you, and you snap out of your daze to look your friend in the eye.

‘i know, and i think i would have let him.’

yunjin’s jaw drops dramatically before her hands fly to her mouth. ‘you mean-’

‘yes.’

‘i need some more alcohol.’

half of the night is spent inside your own mind, replaying the scene with donghyuck over and over again. he was going to kiss you, and if you hadn’t been stopped by jeno’s loud voice it would have happened. did this mean you were over wonbin? was it just because it had been such a long time since you had been kissed and you missed it? did you like hyuck as more than a friend?

the memory replayed in your mind like a haunting melody, a glimpse of what could have been. but each time you closed your eyes to savour the moment, flashes of park wonbin intruded upon your thoughts. his smile, his touch, his whispered promises- the memories of your tumultuous relationship resurfaced with unsettling clarity.

doubt gnawed at your resolve, casting shadows over the budding attraction you believed you felt for donghyuck. in this fleeting moments of introspection, you confronted the harsh truth. you were not over wonbin.

as the night wore on and the party reached its crescendo of laughter and music, you found yourself slipping deeper into a whirlpool of conflicting emotions. despite the outward revelry, an internal storm brewed within you. you drifted through the crowd with a plastic smile, deflecting conversations and laughter as though they were merely obstacles in your path. 

but behind your façade, a maelstrom of doubt and regret churned relentlessly. you had come so far in your journey of healing, painstakingly unravelling the tendrils of love and manipulation that wonbin had woven around your heart. yet, tonight, his ghost haunted you once more.

in a moment of weakness, you found yourself standing at the makeshift bar, fingers gripping a drink with more force than necessary. the amber liquid swirled in the glass, its scent sharp and intoxicating. without hesitation, you raised it to your lips, welcoming the burn that seared down your throat.

the alcohol offered a fleeting reprieve—a temporary numbing of the pain that threatened to overwhelm you. with each sip, you hoped to drown out the memories, to silence the doubts that clawed at your resolve. but with every passing moment, the thoughts of wonbin persisted, stubbornly refusing to be subdued.

disappointment settled heavily in your chest, mingling with self-recrimination. you had worked tirelessly to banish wonbin from your thoughts, to rebuild yourself without the weight of his presence. yet here you were, succumbing to the allure of temporary oblivion.

so you found yourself turning to alcohol with increasing desperation. each drink became a lifeline, a means to drown out the relentless thoughts of park wonbin that plagued your mind.

the burn in your throat was now a distant sensation. with each sip, you felt yourself slipping further from reality, the chaotic noise of the party fading into a dull hum. you didn’t want to think anymore tonight. and eventually it worked its magic. in this intoxicated state, you were free from the torment of memories, free from the disappointment in yourself from succumbing to old wounds.

the dance floor pulsed with energy, the bass vibrating through the floor and up into your bones. the dim, colourful lights spun in dizzying patterns, casting fleeting shadows on the faces of your friends and strangers alike, all moving to the beat. you throw your head back and laugh, the alcohol buzzing warmly in your veins, making everything feel brighter, louder, more intense.

your drink sloshed in its glass as you swayed to the rhythm, the liquid gleaming under the flashing lights. you take another sip, the sweetness masking the burn of the alcohol. your movements become more fluid and uninhibited with every passing moment, the night was a blur of sound and colour, and for once, you felt free.

but then you heard it- ‘who the fuck invited park wonbin?’

your heart lurched, the sound slicing through the haze of joy and alcohol like a knife. involuntarily, you stop moving, your  eyes wide and unfocused as you scan the crowd. the music seemed to fade into the background, replaced by the rush of blood in your ears.

the world seems to pause as those two words register in your head and you freeze. hyuck, who is just as oblivious to the situation as you were a couple of seconds ago, feels you stop dancing and furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

you see his lips move, and you’re sure he’s talking to you, but you can’t hear anything. as if you’re wearing noise cancelling headphones, the voices around you sound muffled. worried at your lack of response you feel the palms of his hand coming to the side of your face to bring you out of your trance.

 park wonbin is all you can see. you’re enthralled by the way his hair seems even longer than it was last time, beautifully falling just a few inches above his shoulders. he easily looked the best out of all the boys there, comparable to an angel with the way his delicate features are a distinction from his dark clothes, or his jet black hair that he lets fall freely. that was the man you had fallen in love with, the one who had the ability to render you speechless. the man who had wrapped your heart in a barbed wire of lies and control. a shiver runs down your spine, skin prickling with the memory of his touch, his words. he was here.

‘how is wonbin’s here,’ someone said again, closer this time, making you sure it was yunjin, who was far from pleased, but the damage was already done. he stood at the edge of the dance floor, his gaze locked onto you with the same intensity that had once made you feel special, desired. now, it only filled you with dread, his presence a dark cloud, threatening to consume your light and drag you back into the shadows.

he looks down to your fingers that are laced together with hyuck’s, a sight that ignited a surge of possessiveness within him but you’re unable to tell at first how he’s feeling except for the quirk of his eyebrow. then you notice the way his jaw clenched tightly before he unclenched it and you know what that meant- wonbin was pissed.

panic surged through you, a cold wave that washed away the warmth of the alcohol. you couldn’t handle this. you couldn’t handle him. not here, not now. fear and confusion twisted inside you, making it hard to breathe. the room seems to close in on you, stomach twisting and you quickly excuse yourself, your aim to make it away from his prying eyes.

you turn on your heel, pushing through the crowd, your movements frantic and desperate, too focused on stabilising yourself. the faces around you blurred, their laughter and conversations fading into a distant hum.

you burst into the bathroom, the door swinging shut behind you with a loud thud. the room was starkly lit, the harsh fluorescent lights a jarring contrast to the dim, colourful glow outside.

the bathroom was a sanctuary of shadows, the dim light casting long, wavering reflections on the tiled walls. you stood at the sink, gripping its edge with such fervour that your knuckles turned white, your heart a drumbeat of anxiety, pounding in your chest as you stared into the mirror, trying to calm your racing thoughts.

the door creaked open behind you, and  a chill crawled up you spine. you didn’t need to turn around to know who had entered. 

park wonbin’s presence filled the small space like a dark cloud, heavy and oppressive. he moved with the grace of a predator, his footsteps barely making a sound as he approached you.

‘having fun?’ his voice startles you, heart racing as you accidentally hit the sink, shaking your head like a fool as your heart squeezes in your chest.

you feel bile rise rapidly to your throat, head pounding as the room starts to spin, but seemingly only for you. wonbin looks at you with pure disgust, as if you’re covered in filth, not worthy of being in his presence.

you hated the idea of him being annoyed or disappointed in you and soon tears started to streak down your face, the dam breaking before you could even attempt to hold it in, lip quivering as you blinked rapidly to stop the droplets of water from obstructing your vision.

‘wonbin please-’

‘lee donghyuck? really?’ he barely gives you a chance to speak, his actions contradicting the harsh words he spews as he gently uses his thumb to wipe away a few tears. you’re a whimpering mess, body shaking like a leaf as you try hard to stabilise yourself.

no matter how much time passed, no matter how much you willed yourself to, you couldn’t get over park wonbin. you loved him to a fault, you loved him to the point that it hurt. your love was like a rose, appearing beautiful from the red petals and buds, but stinging like the thorns that weaved up the stem.

‘you have no right to care about who i am or am not dating,’ you echo the words of hyuck, trying to seem bold and brave, pushing his hand away from you.

wonbin stops, his eyes trailing down and stopping at your feet, hair falling in front of his eyes and for a few seconds he doesn’t move. then you see his shoulders move up and down, slowly at first but they increase in speed. you know you shouldn’t be but in worry of him crying you hastily lift his head in your hands. only his face is dry, void of any tears and you see that he’s laughing instead.

‘i don’t-’

‘you’re so fucking stupid, he obviously just wants to use you.’

you’re taken aback by how harsh his words are, realising it was a mistake for you to have even said anything in the first place.you want to leave, to turn away from this suffocating situation to somewhere you can finally breathe but you’re trapped, his hands gripping your wrist, holding you against the wall.

that’s not fair wonbin. you left me,’ your voice is small, almost incomprehensible but he catches on to what you’re saying. he had you right where he wanted you, still stupidly in love with him, and he didn’t know whether to feel pity for your naivety or rejoice.

‘do you know how it felt to hear from other people that you moved on? you hurt me,’ it’s become wonbin’s second nature to turn accusations around and throw the blame on you. to make you feel like the bad guy, like you were the one in the wrong.

it was the final blow to your heart, and you feel yourself about to heave, moving past him with a shove to grip the sink, head dangerously close to the faucet as you try to steady your breathing. but he doesn’t stop there, he won’t be finished till he leaves you a mess on the bathroom floor, broken and unable to move on from him.

‘you know how hard it was for me, and you couldn’t even be patient, you tried to replace me so fast. did you even love me?’

‘stop-‘ you can barely breathe, the room closing in as you try to steady yourself, eyes shut as you pray for a miracle, for something to pull you out of this nightmare.

‘but that’s a stupid question, because i know the answer. you love me to a fault, you love me to the point it hurts you, but like a fool you keep coming back. want to know why? it’s because that’s what love is,’ he’s so close, close enough for you to smell that familiar scent of mint and cedarwood that you loved so much. it’s suffocating, making you lightheaded, and yet just like him you can’t get enough.

‘it’s not like the flowery shit you read in your books. nobody can give you that but me. no one can truly love you but me,’ he continues, not caring for how pale you turn, or how you slowly sink down to your knees, the pain of being so close to him making it unbearable for you to even stand on your own two feet.

he watches as you curl into a ball, despair coursing through your blood and a numbness clouding your eyes. your worst fears had been vocalised- maybe wonbin was the only one who would be able to love you. it made sense that he was the only one to ignite the flame of passion that you felt in the pits of your stomach. it made sense that only he held the ability to temper with your emotions to such an extreme extent. true love, that was what that feeling was.

you shrink back down into your own hollow body, lost, lacking and defeated. you sigh as you see him crouch down till he is eye level with you. you let him use his thumb to tenderly wipe away the tears that he caused as you saturate yourself in dreaded affliction.

he leaned in closer, his voice low but smooth. ‘you know, without me, you would still be just the sad broken girl, unable to love again. i’m the reason that you changed. i’ve helped you become the person you are today.’

his words wrapped around you like a silken noose, tightening with each sentence. you wanted to protest, to assert your own worth independent of his influence, but his presence was overpowering.

 every time you had tried to move on, to forget him, you were reminded of the times he had been there for you, the vulnerabilities only he had witnessed, the secrets you both held dear to your hearts. his manipulation was an art form, carefully crafted over time, making her doubt her own feelings and rely more on his.

‘remember when you said you couldn’t imagine your life without me?’ wonbin’s voice was a soft whisper now, his eyes locking onto yours.

‘i know you felt it too. we’re meant to be together.’ 

your heart ached under the weight of his words, the lines between love and control blurring in the fog of your emotions. you nod slowly, the fight within you dwindling as his grip tightened, pulling you deeper into the web he had spun so expertly around your heart.

‘don’t run away from the truth.’

his words wrapped around you like tendrils of smoke, suffocating and inescapable. you wanted to pull away, to escape the web he was spinning, but you felt rooted to the spot.

‘what truth?’

‘the truth that you have never stopped loving me, you were with donghyuck just to make me mad, to lie to yourself that you could move on from me when we both know that’s not possible,’ he murmured, his voice a silken thread of deceit. 

his hand moved from your shoulder to your cheek, a mockery of tenderness. you close your eyes, trying to block out the sensations, but his words kept seeping into your mind, eroding your defences like waves against a crumbling cliff.

‘come with me,’ he coaxed, his voice now a siren’s call. ‘leave this party, leave these people who don’t understand you. let’s find our own way, just the two of us, like it’s supposed to be.’

his manipulation was a masterful dance, each step designed to pull you closer, to break down your will. your eyes open again, your resolve slipping through your fingers like sand. you saw the satisfaction in his eyes, the gleam of triumph that he couldn’t quite hide, but it was too late.

your heart twisted, a mix of fear and the old, dangerous comfort of his words stirring within you.

‘wonbin, i… i don’t know.’

‘come with me, please. let’s leave this place. you know we’re meant to be together. no one will ever love you like i do,’ he reiterated. his manipulation was subtle, insidious, and your defences, worn thin by the weight of your history together, crumbled. 

‘okay,’ you whispered, the word barely escaping your lips, your willpower drained.

wonbin smiled, a wolf’s smile, and took your hand. he led you out of the bathroom, his grip firm and possessive. the music thumped through the walls, relentless rhythm that seemed to sync with your racing heart. as you descended down the stairs and walked through the crowded room, your head hung low, the weight of your decision pressing down on you. 

the party was in full swing, vibrant laughter and animated conversations filling the room. fairy lights now twinkled overhead, casting a warm glow over the crowded space, yet you felt a chill as you moved towards the door, your ex-boyfriend’s hand firm around your wrist.

yunjin and mark stood near the doorway, their expressions a mirror of the others. yunjin’s eyes were filled with tears, her hand clutching mark’s arm in a silent plea for comfort. mark’s jaw was set, his frustration barely contained as he watched you leave with wonbin.

‘i can’t believe he’s taking her again. after all we’ve done,’ yunjin’s grip on mark’s arm intensifies, her voice trembling out of frustration.

she had seen it all unfold- the sudden arrival of park wonbin, like a dark storm cloud interrupting the starry night. she witnessed your hesitation, your inevitable retreat into the bathroom, and how his figure stalked after yours not long after.

her eyes reflect a mixture of sadness and frustration as she turns to her boyfriend, ‘mark he’s ruined everything. she was so close….’

mark nods in understanding, his own brow furrowed with empathy.

‘she doesn’t deserve this. not after everything he put her through. i was there, mark. he broke her, i was so scared i would lose her.’

you had come so far since breaking free from wonbin’s manipulative grasp. you had found joy and laughter again, surrounded only by people who loved and cherished you, like it was supposed to be. and now, in one swift and calculated move, wonbin had disrupted it all.

 it was donghyuck’s face that stung the most though, his normally cheerful and bright expression now a canvas of hurt and confusion. he had hoped that tonight would be a turning point, a chance for you to find happiness away from the shadows of your past, away from wonbin and in his arms instead. now, he watched helplessly as you were led back into the darkness, both physically and metaphorically.

outside, the night air was cool and crisp, hitting you both as you stepped outside, a stark contrast to the heavy atmosphere inside.  the noise of the party is muffled behind the closed door. wonbin’s smile widened, the satisfaction of his victory warming him from within. he had you back, ensnared once more in his web of lies and manipulation, pulling you back into his orbit and away from the support and love of your friends.

you walk beside him, heart heavy with regret and self-doubt. the night stretched out before you, a labyrinth of choices and consequences, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were walking deeper into the maze, farther away from the light. the feeling of eyes watching you from behind following you.

but for now, wonbin’s grip was unyielding, and you followed him into the darkness, hoping desperately that you might one day find your way out.

[nickel-ii]

[It's the middle of the night. Both in real life, and the dream.

Nickel finds himself in a lavish room, where he somehow doesn't feel out of place. He was just following ██████, someone he trusted- or thought he could, at least. He thought he was alone- because of course ██████ was gone, suddenly, but the presence behind him made him turn around.

Dark Choco stood in the darkness- a silhouette he could never mistake, even after so many years. His son. He thought he knew what was coming, but he didn't.

"You failed me." The voice echoed hauntingly, and even the sound of the wind over the walls was silent, leaving nothing else but the echo of his own failures.

"I did," he found himself replying, somber, voice even deeper than usual, though not in a way that hurt. "I am sorry." He didn't know what he was apologizing for. "The responsibility for a son's sins lies upon the shoulders of his father, and it was my own sins that caused this."

His son scoffed, sneering with none of the hesitation he remembered him having. "Save me your sympathies. 'I never taught you love'? You have never loved. I know why I wield my sword." He raised his sword. "But do you know why you wield yours? You will turn out just like me."

"A violent murderer."

Nickel lowered his head in shame, and then the sword came down upon his neck-]

-he awoke with a startled shout that faded into a choked gasp as he bit it down, eyes wide and scared. What was that? His- the encounter hadn't gone like that, his son hadn't killed him- he didn't have a son. His head hurt.

He reached around his bed for the sword, gripping it with a familiarity he didn't know was there, holding it not by the handle, but rather oddly like a sai (around the hilt) so the Soul Jam matched where it was supposed to be. It was a comfort, surprisingly so, and it helped calm him down.

"Ffffuck," he hissed underneath his breath, still visibly shaken. "Fuck." He was not going to be like that. He was not. He hadn't done anything like that to a Dark Choco, let alone know a Dark Choco to do that to.

So why did he feel so guilty?

This was fucking with his head.

...he had to stay strong.

( @thegoldentrophy @dice-anon @ask-cheesy-ii @itz-bow-xd )

[pinkuberii]

hi! i’m new to your blog and i rlly liked your itto fic, it was so fluffy 😭

could i pls request a short fic or some headcanons of itto being reassured and comforted by the reader? i feel like he’s quite insecure about a lot of things since growing up as an oni in inazuma isn’t easy- he might be naturally loud and seemingly confident, but he kinda exaggerates it in public cause he doesn’t wanna be seen as weak. i just want him to feel loved and drown in the affection he deserves ;-;

- Itto being comforted by gn!reader -

Tw: none (slight angst perhaps????)

Author’s note: Aaaaaa ty anon!! I’m so happy you liked my Itto fic and requested something as well

I hope this’ll suit your tastes! <3

It’s Itto loving hours bbyyyyy wooooo

Itto has thick skin in my opinion but at some nights the negative thoughts and comments happen to linger in his mind longer than usual

9 out of ten times he doesn’t want to show his sadness because he might seem “weak”

It was a starry yet peaceful night when the oni had shared his insecurities bit by bit with you. As his lover you realized something was going on once you caught a glimpse of the dejected expression on his face after he sat down next to you on your shared bed. His voice – which was usually full of confidence and enthusiasm -- was now the total opposite of what you were familiar with.

“(Y/n)… Am I… Am I really that loud and annoying?” He questioned as his somber crimson eyes began to close, burying his face deeper in the crook of your neck with every question he asked. “Annoying? Definitely not. Loud? A bit, but that’s one of the many aspects I like about you. I love hearing you and your ‘loud’ voice.” You softly answered, slender fingers sliding through his white locks before realizing something. “Loud may not be the best way to put it though. I’d say it’s more energetic and happy. It’s pretty adorable if you ask me, never fails to make me smile.” A faint hum was the only answer you received before he spoke once again.

“Do you think I’m childish?” Those words abruptly left his lips as he pulled you closer, arms tightly wrapped around your waist for a sense of comfort. You thought about your response for a bit, pressing your lips on his temple to give him a kiss during the meantime. “You’re not childish in my eyes, Itto. Other people may perceive you as such, but they don’t see the way I see you. They don’t see the Itto who tries his best to make his loved ones smile every day, or the Itto that stands up for the bullied children, or the Itto that sings to me with his charming voice when I can’t sleep, or the Itto that—" The faint sob coming from him all of a sudden made you put a halt to your words, (e/c) colored eyes widening out of surprise.

Congrats you broke him down

Poor baby had been bottling his emotions up for quite a while so hearing you say that made him very emotional

Just let him sob for a little while in your arms, he’d appreciate it <3

I think he’d be encouraged quite easily, especially if he’s getting comforted by someone he loves (*cough* you *cough*)

The oni’s faint cries started to die down, causing the room to be soundless once again. “Darling, are you feeling a bit better now?” Your faint voice then chimed in to break the silence while rubbing soothing circles on his broad back, the action making him look up from his current spot. “Yes, I think so…” Itto inhaled sharply before carrying on with his sentence. “I’m sorry for being so weak all of a sudden, (y/n). I’m not used to this a-and I don’t want you to think I’m not strong anymore and—" A dim chuckle from you made him stop with his sentence as teary red eyes looked at you with confusion, not understanding your reaction at all.

“Oh, Itto.. There’s no reason to apologize. It’s okay to be weak and vulnerable sometimes. Even the strongest onikabuto falls down sometimes, but you know what’s the most important thing? To have the determination and courage to stand up and continue. That’s the essence.” Carefully, your hand found its way towards his tear-stained cheek to wipe the dried droplets away. The oni seemed to adore the affection he received, showing his appreciation by putting his scarred hand on top of yours to lean in against your touch. “Thank you.”

He’d definitely give you a bear-hug after

And also, a very passionate kiss to show his gratitude <3

Mans is lucky to have you

After exchanging some pecks and kisses Itto would rest his head on your lap while listening blissfully to your sweet words and compliments, pale cheeks tinting the same color as the dendrobiums that bloom vibrantly on Yashiori island. “I love you because you’re so youthful and never fail to bring a smile to my lips. You’re always so positive and caring and super-duper talented. Besides, you always lift my spirits up with your optimism. Who cares if you got some mean comments from unknown people anyway? You’re simply unique”

He’s a blushing mess atm congrats you’ve flustered the oni

Y’know how children smile from ear to ear once they receive a present – especially something they’ve been wanting for long? Yeah, he’s smiling like that c:

No but he deserves all the affection and love :(

I can imagine him hiding his face in his hands out of shyness

(y/n) what are you doing to this man???

Anyway, he ABSOLUTELY loves you

He’d pinky promise you that he wouldn’t hide his sadness from you from now on yes he pinky promises things shhhhhh-

Communication is key besties-

hE DESERVES THE WORLD 🛐

No beta read btw

[demigoddessqueens]

Hi! I LOVE your writing and I wanted to request a vax'ildan x reader in which reader learns something sad (maybe someone died?) and Vax tried to comfort them? You don't have to write this of course. Anyway, have a good day!

Oh the angst! The tears! The hurt and comfort, anon! You speak my language. 😢 💔❤️‍🩹. This is a bit of a drabble, but if you catch the tv and film references I sprinkled around, kudos on you 👍

It started out as a quiet afternoon, unbeknownst of the tragedy that had fallen. You were enjoying a lively breakfast with the ones you had called family, in addition to the one you still missed back home. Yet that came crashing down on this cruel sunny day.

Captain Jarrett had called you outside, stating that he had urgent business to discuss with you. Matters that concerned your home. Given the tone in his voice, it made your heart drop down to your stomach. As soon as you both stepped outside, he knelt down solemnly with a somber expression on his face. 

“Lord/Lady Y/n, it is with a heavy heart that I bring you the tragic news from your homeland. Your parents and twin brother have tragically passed from a plague that ran amok the land. Your presence is requested back home...to take care of affairs with the rest of your family.” 

No, no. This couldn’t have been happening. It’s impossible. You just wrote to them barely two weeks ago. 

The words in your head were expelled with shaky breaths and sobs that ripped from your body. Chest heaving, eyes glistened with tears, you wanted to throw up. To scream, cry, shout. Anything. What started as a slow process became a torrid affair of despair. Jarrett saw your demeanor change as he stood up. Pulling you into a comforting hug, he expressed his condolences. 

“I am deeply sorry for your loss. If there are any preparations or requests you may need, please do not hesitate at all.” You nodded weakly as Jarrett placed a small handkerchief in your hand before stepping away. You still stood there frozen with grief before you felt a soft touch on your shoulder. Turning around hastily, you saw the concerned look of your best friend, Vax’ildan.

You tried to dab away at your tears in vain, but your demeanor only further worried the rogue. “Love? Are you alright? I heard you scream! Was it Jarret? Are you hurt or—?!.”

You could only choke out your response. “It’s my family…my parents…my twin…and now my other siblings are alone…and.” The floodgates were ripped open again as you fell to your knees sobbing. You instantly felt his arms circle around you into a tight embrace to his chest, voice cracking in the shared despair.

“Oh sweet, I’m so sorry. Love, I’m so so sorry.” It was an endless cadence of sympathies as Vax gently rocked back and forth with his hand stroking through your hair. Tears from your muffled sobs stained his clothes and cape that wrapped around you, but he didn’t care. It had felt as if hours had passed before your strangled voice broke the silence in a whimper.

“I can run, travel, or conquer this whole damn continent but they can’t. They’re gone…gone from me..gone where I can’t go. And all I want to know is why? WHY them while I get to live?”

Vax only stroked the back of your head before responding. “I know, I know, peach. It never is easy, and sometimes you do feel lost without them there.” Memories from when he and Vex faced the unthinkable quickly flashed through his mind. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he careful pressed on.

“But what I do know is this…it’ll never be the same entirely but you live on through them. You are them, their legacy and even gone, they live in you.” He placed a chaste kiss on your forehead. “I…We…will help you through this, if you ever need the time or space.” You nodded weakly into his chest, grateful that he remained here with you.

You spoke one last time as the emotion coated your throat. “You know, the crazy thing out of all this though…is that..we had this tradition every start of the season to sing folk songs…and I would give up anything to just hear them one last time right now.” At that, Vax let his tears fall out of sorrow and pity for you.

He felt your shoulders shake as soft sobs left your body again, gripping only tighter. If there was a way, he would take all this pain away from you. Anything that would absorb all this pain that tore your heart. But for now, this was all he could do for you.

[damn-stark]

ilomilo

Reiner x reader

Requested by anon “Hi.. 👉👈 May I request on reiner x reader where they both fall in love with each other, but they somehow denied their feelings? Sorry its a bit weird but thank you in advance!”

Warning- ANGST, FLUFF, swearing and talks of violence, death and contemplating life

———-

You were kids. Young little children who didn’t know the meaning behind the word love. Maybe even now as teenagers, you both were still too young to know what that word meant. Or how it should feel, what it even looked like.

What was love, really? That’s the real question.

How can something so pivotal such as love be so confusing?

What was certain was that no matter what, neither of you wanted to be apart from each other. That was such a dreadful thought. It hurt to think he could leave forever and never return. With what you were doing, that was a high possibility, with him being hurt, even if you both could heal, it still hurt to think he could die and that you’d be alone.

Was that love?

No.

“Reiner you’re up,” you say with a relieved smile pulling on your lips. “How are you feeling?”

Said man pushes himself off the edge of his small bed and nods, releasing a soft sigh as his eyes searched your own body for wounds. “I’m feeling better, what about you?”

“I’m all healed now, so I’m okay,” you assure him, smiling sweetly at him but soon feeling that smile fall as your face twisted into a long and somber look. “It’s just...we couldn’t recover Bertholdt,” your voice quivers and your eyes sting. “I tried, I really tried getting him, but I couldn’t, I’m sorry.”

Reiners breath hitches and the expression on his own face matches yours, but he doesn’t hesitate to go to you to wrap you in a tight and much needed embrace. One you returned with ease as you secure your arms around his body and dig your head into his chest. “It’s okay. It’s alright,” he muttered as he stroked your back. “It’s alright.” He whispered.

Was this love? Reiner asked himself as he had you in his arms. This relief he felt deep in his soul when he saw you enter his room on the boat ride home. The fluttering feeling in his stomach as you found solace in his embrace and presence. The heart pounding feeling in his chest as he had you safely in his arms?

No.

*A COUPLE YEARS AGO*

“Hey leave him alone you assholes!” You exclaimed as you hurled rocks at the boys picking at Reiner. “Leave him alone!”

You continued to run towards the group of boys as you proceeded to throw rocks, noticing the short relieved look Reiner had on his face as he looked at you over their shoulders.

“Go away!” You continue with sneer, seeing the four boys turn around and show you their glowering faces. “Leave Reiner alone, he’s done nothing to you!”

“He deserves to be taught that he doesn’t belong in the Warrior program!” One of the boys remarks smugly, “he sucks!” He looks at Reiner and snickers. “See he’s trembling even now. He’s weak. Just like you.”

Your glare deepens and you scoff, catching the rock in your hand that you had thrown in the air. “The only weak people I see are all of you for ganging up on Reiner. Just you wait, when we become Titan shifters, you’ll be the ones trembling.”

You get ready to throw yet another rock, (a sucky attempt to fight them), but as you do, Reiner sprints forward to tackle the tallest boy to ground, swinging his fists over the boys face and angrily snapping back, “leave her alone.”

Reiner then doesn’t hesitate to get up before things could get worse, running towards you to take your hand and pull you with him as you both run away from the bullies you heard chasing after you.

You both maneuvered past people walking the streets, hearing them protest back to the both of you as you ran past them. But you didn’t let that stop either of you. You kept running until you made sure you had lost the bullies, stopping only a few minutes later and hiding away in some alleyway you happened to stumble in.

“Are you okay? You pant as you kept your hand around his. “Did they hurt you?”

Said boy shakes his head, breathing heavily and double checking that they weren’t after you to begin to catch his breath, sliding down to the ground with you still in hand. “No,” he assured you, “they didn’t get to hurt me. You got there in time.” He turns his head to look at you and he smiles sweetly. “Thank you.”

You turn your own head and answer with a mirrored smile as you slowly recover your own breath.

“How did you find me?” Reiner continues to ask.

You shrug, “my parents weren’t home so I went to your house, but your mom said you were outside. So I went to look for you. I heard them yelling and I had to check it out just in case.”

“Oh,” Reiner mouths as he looks away. “Well,” he continues to say, “I’m glad you came.”

You let out a nervous, breathless giggle and look away to hide your flustered smile and ask, “yeah?”

Reiner hides his blush and nods, “yeah.”

——

*YEARS LATER. MARLEY*

No matter how Marley treated you, “your kind”, it was a relief being home after being gone for so long. And perhaps it was true that there was no real peace being home considering you were a warrior, a Titan shifter. It came with a responsibility and had you busy for most of your time, unable to live the remainder of the time you had left the way you wanted; a peaceful life somewhere close to the ocean, or surrounded by the beauty of trees with...well...with one person.

“How did it go?” And as if thinking of that person had someone summoned him...here he was.

You peek over your shoulder to look at Reiner, letting out a small huff before you shrug and drop your head on your hands. “Same as always, arguing...my parents only appreciated that I gave them a higher status here, but that’s it.” You tilt your head up to rest your chin on your arm, peeking at Reiner coming up beside you from the corner of your eyes. “I think they would’ve preferred if I had stayed fighting that war.”

“Well, you could’ve come to my house,” Reiner says quietly, “you know my mother loves having you there.”

You laugh softly and smile before you look at the lake ahead to admire the stars that reflect on the water's surface. “Your mom is nice. A lot nicer than mine.” You sigh and look up at the stars to slowly feel your smile fall to a frown.

When Reiner noticed he pushed himself from the railing you both were leaning on and pointed his head to the grassy hill ahead. “Come on, let's go sit.”

Without hesitation, and with a small sigh, you follow him to the grassy hill, sitting close beside him and resting your hands on the ground as you watch the stars dancing on the water. Reiner notices your exhausted and gloomy mood, one that was so persistent since you returned from Paradis four years ago. He did notice that you would light up when you were with the kids, or with your friends, with him, but that happy look never lasted. The girl you had been before died in Paradis, after you couldn’t recover Bertholdt.

Reiner couldn’t help but notice that and it killed him to see you so upset. He would do anything to keep you happy. That’s all he wanted. You were only the person that gave him a reason to keep living in this shitty world….you were his reason to fight.

Was that love?

….no. Maybe.

“What did you do today?” He broke the silence.

You began tearing the grass from under your hand as you answered him. “I went to visit Bertholdt's dad, helped him around the house and I had dinner with him after I stormed from home.” You look at your hand and then let your eyes slowly drag to the side to look at his resting beside yours. “What about you?” You ask as you then drag your eyes up to his face.

“Nothing much, it feels weird being home after being gone long.”

You express a lighthearted huff of air and nod in agreement before you throw your head on his shoulder. “But at least we're home! It feels nice being home.”

“Yeah,” Reiner agrees as he, unbeknownst to you, looks at you as you rested your head on his shoulder. “It does.”

“You know,” you mutter as you slowly inch your fingers to his. “What would be nicer? If we ran away together. Live the remainder of our lives by the ocean, or in some forest. It could be in Paradis, that place is so big, they wouldn't find us.” You swallow thickly and completely secure your hold around the warmth of his hand, seeing his hand slowly wrap around yours before he rested his head on top of yours. “It may not be home, but I wouldn't mind being over there if you’re with me.” You smile softly and again you look at the stars beautifully reflected on the water.

“Where would we live?” Reiner asked.

You shrug, “we could make a cabin. A small one, by a river so we can have running water.”

Even if the suggestion was unexpected, it sounded ideal, like a nice dream. It sounded tempting. And he knew, like you did, that with the right word you’d both be willing to do it. You’d both leave everything behind and live what was left of your life secluded and together.

Reiner couldn’t help but smile faintly at that thought.

“What would we do for food?” He continued.

“Well,” you smile, “we could hunt, I like to think I’m a great hunter. And we can take seeds from here to grow our fruits and vegetables. We would raise pigs and cows.”

Reiner stays quiet, and feels himself more tempted by the idea.

“I think we’d make nice farmers,” you snicker as you pull your head from his shoulder to meet his gaze. “What do you think? Hmm? Would you run away with me Reiner?”

Said man meets your gaze and his breath hitches as he sees the genuine happiness, the softness behind your eyes. It felt like a relief seeing you like this. It made his heart race and his lips tug into a happier smile. It made his eyes fall to your lips to try and give into this heart aching temptation to finally get to know how they felt against his.

Just like you were filled with your own curiosity to finally feel his lips.

But neither of you made a move. Instead Reiner swallowed thickly and looked to the lake to admire the reflection of the stars painted on the surface. He shifted in his spot, but kept his hand around yours whilst he parted his lips to attempt and answer you.

Albeit he didn’t get the chance before Pieck and Porco interrupted your moment.

However you couldn’t help but keep thinking if this was love? The dream and plans to run away with no one else but one another. The thought of a future together?

Maybe.

[commanderserwin]

half a heart.

↦ pairing(s): levi ackerman x reader

↦ word count: 2.7k

↦ anon request: 

hi, ik request is open so could i request: unrequited love + levi / eren?? u can make it a fic or like short drabble idk lmao ur choice bubs!! idk why i'm asking for angst and sadness *sobs* 🥰 btw i absolutely love ur writings!!!! luv ya xx

↦ author’s note(s): i chose levi, i hope that it’s okay! also feel like this started as unrequited love but then i lost control and was like yeah ? 

ps. i hope u still enjoy and thank you very much ♡ i appreciate it !! LUV UUU

╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾

It wasn't supposed to be like this. How could a simple crush turn into a somber love, as you lay in bed thinking of him. The little smiles, nods, greetings, was all you could harbor your feelings into. The simple late night teas, sitting in the mess hall, exhaustion creeping in your bones— but still here you are. 

Whenever you see him, your heart dances. 

Whenever he acknowledges you, your lips betrays into a smile. 

Whenever he talks to you, your mouth stutters. 

Whenever he's near, you can't help but move in closer. 

There comes a day when you don't speak to him, wondering if he does think of you. While you currently lie awake in the deep night, thinking and fantasizing what it could feel like to be called theirs. How it feels to hold him in the night, mumble about your days, kiss his lips, hear his stories, listen to how your name echo in his voice, know his flaws and insecurities, and how you would hold them as you accepted all of their good and bad even before you'd even know him. 

You could still remember the first time that you saw him. The first time that you heard his voice. The first time he practiced with you. The first times-- while he became the sole reason for the butterflies in your stomach. 

It was a simple crush. 

You admired him from afar, gush over his looks and skills.

But once you tapped on his shoulder, as bravery took over your body when you walked towards their table, you finally said, "Can I sit here?" 

He only nodded his head, scooting over so that you could sit beside him. He even helped you placed your tray when your hands almost dropped it. Heart beating so loud, you could feel it pump through your chest, the tips of your ears red, as well as the blush creeping into your neck. 

"I'm Isabel," the girl gushed, offering a hand. The new recruits. "And this is Farlan, and my big brother Levi." 

"Oh," you nodded, lips turning into a smile. You shook her hand, "My name is [Y/N]. It's very nice to meet you all." 

"Hi," Farlan mumbled, smiling right back at you while Levi only nodded, staring at his food. 

He is so stoic, calm, cool, and impassive that it attracted you more to him. 

That night, you wanted to beat yourself up for thinking about him, Levi running through your mind, holding on to the way his hand brushed against yours to help you and the way he nodded, and made space for you. 

It was a simple crush. 

Something that you'd look forward to after a long and heavy expedition. After training. After dinners, where you would take a sit beside him, talking with Isabel while you subtly glanced at him while you take a bite. 

Then comes the day when he doesn’t step out of his room, with worry filling you up. The deaths of Isabel and Farlan drowning him with sorrow. All you could do is knock on his door, carrying a tray of food for him. 

“Levi?” You called out, knocking again when there was no answer. “I’m coming in.” 

He was sitting on his bed, his head facing the door as he waited for you to enter. He couldn’t even muster up a nod as you softly padded towards him, placing the tray next to him. 

“I thought you might be hungry,” you whispered, sitting on the floor, as he hung his head down. 

He didn’t say anything, not to even take a bite of the bread you reserved for him. 

You handed him the fresh cup of tea, placing it over his clasped hands. “Why don’t you take a sip,” you said, folding out his hands, taking note of the callouses in his fingers. “Just to fill your stomach.” 

Levi nodded, wrapping his fingers on the cup, as you pulled away. He quietly sipped, still looking down. 

“I’m sorry,” you finally said, holding your legs close to your chest as you looked at him. “I’m sorry that you have to go through that.” 

Levi nodded again, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. He finally looked at you as he broke the bread in half, handing it to you. “You didn’t have to do this.” 

“I want to,” you admitted, smiling gently that he’s eating something solid. You wanted to initially say something else, but turned your mind away from it. This isn’t the time to confess and it was selfish to say it now. “I’m your friend. I’ve got your back.” 

The next day, Levi waited for you at the usual table. You tried to suppress your smile at the sight of him, but you failed. Once you were seated, he proceeded to wait until you took the first bite. He listened to you ramble about your day, occasionally grunting in response, and it was better than nothing.

You finally opened your heart at the prospect of love, daydreaming, what it would mean to share that with him. 

And it is always like that. Both of you stuck together, that nobody would even come between the two of you. 

He was there when you complained about one of the soldiers; then the next day he’d have bruised knuckles while the one who bothered you had a cut on his lips. He was there when he urged you to punch him harder so that you could protect yourself. He was there when he grabbed you by the waist, surprising you, as he carried you from branch to branch to protect you during expeditions.

For the love of everything, he was there. 

He’s the reason why you couldn’t sleep, reliving how his warm his touch were on yours. 

He’s the reason why you couldn’t stop smiling at him whenever he waits for you so that the both of you could eat together. 

He’s the reason why you always looked forward to the next day; envisioning what would happen. 

But the heartbreaking truth is, he doesn’t see you that way. 

Levi let you chase him each way, oblivious to how you felt, because in his eyes, that’s what friends are for. He paid no attention to how you smile, how your stares lingered, or how you leaned in a bit closer when it was just the two of you. Or was it because, he was hiding it better than you are? But you still curbed the idea because it was ridiculous. 

Then he wanted to feel something. 

He knocked on your door, and once you opened the door on him, he nodded towards the mess hall, asking you to join him. 

“What is it?” You whispered, wrapping your robe tighter around your body as he lead you away. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” Levi muttered, crossing his arms as he felt you behind him. He turned his face, almost brushing his lips on your cheeks as he did, but you scurried away. 

He didn’t miss the way you blushed. 

“Oh,” you shuddered, hand going up to you cheek. A simple crush, you thought. Perhaps? “And you thought that it was best for you to wake me up?” 

Levi nodded, pointing to the bench. “Wait here.” 

That you did, while you hurried to fix your disheveled hair, your clothes that are way to thin for the night, then you licked your lips just enough for moisture. 

It was a long two minutes. Heart-pounding. Nerve wrecking. While you waited for him to emerge. 

Levi finally reappeared, holding two cups. With all the space available, you thought that this was it. 

Finally, you thought nervously, maybe this isn’t a simple crush anymore. 

He made your tea just the way you like it, blowing off some steam as you placed it against your lips. 

“Be careful,” Levi whispered against his cup, as he sipped. From the corner of his eyes, he watched you blush again. He isn’t really thinking, but he wants to try. He’s known you for a long time now and maybe this is right. He's got to make a decision and this is his choice. 

"Bad dreams?" You asked, wrapping your hands around the warm cup as you turned to him. 

"Something like that." 

"Oh," you nodded, worry filling your eyes as he stared his greys at yours. "How can I help?" 

Levi thought hard, his mouth drying up as he setlled his on his choice. 

He inexplicably leaned forward, his eyes boring into yours as his nose touched yours. 

"Levi?" 

He felt your lips brushed against his when you whispered his name. He looked down at your lips, licking his own, as he looked up at your eyes again. He noticed that you stopped breathing, and gently placed his hands on either side of your neck. 

"Levi?" 

Is this happening? you thought. Oh, he is so near. 

Like a fool, you waited. Then on a second, you felt him close the gap between the two of you. It wasn't fireworks that you felt, it was fucking more than that. His lips moved against yours as he guided you closer to him. His hand went lower to your waist, closing the gap even more, while he continued to kiss you. 

Just like a fool. That's what you felt when he pulled away, his hands off of you like hot coal. Levi shook his head, his bangs curtaining his eyes as he scooted away. Levi gripped his cup. He couldn't meet your eyes. 

"Levi?" 

"That was a mistake," Levi muttered, pushing himself off of the bench. 

He left. Just like that. He left you on the bench. 

The tea he prepared grew cold as you sat there. The walk back to your room was humiliating. So fucking humiliating that you bit on your lower lip to not disturb the hallways with your cries. Just like a fool, you waited for the fantasy that you thought was going to come when he pulled you in. You waited for the sparks to happen, but instead it felt like someone dampen it. He did. Levi did. 

You can't even get to be mad at him, because this was all your doing. 

You didn't know when that simple crush turned into something when he finally kissed you. It had transcended those means when he kiss you. It went above and beyond, and the fantasies you've had slowly sunk into the ground, writhing at your feet. 

╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾╼╾

Days turned into years, and years, and years, and here you were. 

Captain Levi. 

It was late at night, the distance between the both of you widening, your feelings working its way down, but love stayed where you held on to it tightly, still fucking blindly holding on to it. Levi silently accepted your reluctance for him, the hesistation from you, fully knowing that he did it to the both of you. 

Levi kept thinking about that kiss that night. He thought that kisses shared would emit joy, happiness, smiles, but all it did was fill him with regret, guilt, and worry. It was his choice because he wanted to feel something, but he doesn't have it in himself. He didn't want to feel anything, he didn't want to feel the infatution. He ought to talk to you that night, but you disappeared from him. He watched you ignore him, avoid him, lose the smile on your lips, and he thought that: 'It's okay. It's for the better.'

But still it was hard, because after all these years, it was still the both of you. 

The feelings has numbed down. But it was still there, waiting to be poked with a stick to be awakened once more. Still, the half of your heart laid out for him.

"Levi?" 

Levi stopped writing, hesistating to answer. But in the end, he made his choice. "Come in." 

He watched the knob turned, as you joined him for a quiet company. He pushed away his papers, helping you with the tray. He watched you pull forward a spare chair, moving it closer to the desk. He smiled at the gesture, then his eyes softened as you smiled. 

"How are you?" You asked, noticing the paperworks. "Erwin gave you more work?" 

"Yeah," Levi answered, taking his tea. His heart is pounding. "How are you?"

"Couldn't sleep," you said, sipping your tea. "Then I saw the light from your office." 

He nodded, sipping his. No one said a thing, until the both of you finished your teas. You slumped against the chair, crossing your legs as you smiled sadly. It hurts. 

Years into years into years, and it still hurts. 

Levi caught on to your face, his heart gripping his thoughts into something that he cannot untangle. 

"What happened to us?" 

Levi only looked down, "I don't know." 

"No," you smiled, tilting your head. "You know, Levi, you just don't want to talk about it."

"What else is there to talk about?" 

"Where did we go wrong?"

"It was just a kiss." 

"It was the kiss for me." 

Levi looked up, watching you fiddle with the fingers on your lap. You looked up, resting your arm on the chair, as you sighed deeply. The memories from that night crashing itself on to you. 

"I'm sorry." 

"Ah," you sighed deeply again, smiling fondly at the man before him. "I waited years for me to hear that." 

"I'm sorry," Levi whispered, guilt eating him up. He still couldn't erase the look on your face when he pulled away from you. 

The sadness, confusion, and anger twirled into one that it kept him up that night and the nights after, thinking of a way to apologize, until it flitted into something that is unspeakable as the both of you grew apart. He still wouldn't miss the way you would stare at him. He doesn't know what's wrong with him, thinking of a way to push him towards you but his feet wouldn't move. 

His heart doesn't beat the same way as yours. His eyes doesn't linger at yours. His mind isn't filled by you, as he tried to stomp on it.

"Thank you," you murmured softly. 

The love inside you died. But you were happy, for some reason, you were happy. It was the closure that you needed after all these years. 

"I'm sorry that that's how you felt." 

"It's okay," you chuckled softly, eyes twinkling with warmth. Levi smiled a little, heart bursting that he finally heard you laugh. "It started as a little crush, anyway." 

"I noticed," Levi admitted, his eyes matching yours. He hid his eyes as you blushed again, real laughter coloring the room. 

Just like the old times. He remembers when you blushed during the first time he met you, the way he helped you because the food was close to falling, he couldn't shy away at the way your cold hand brushed his, he didn't miss the way that he actually liked your company. The feelings bubbling up like a well-kept treasure that's bound to be dug up either way. 

"Can I tell you something?"

He looked up at you, curiosity displayed in your beautiful eyes. Just like the old times. He hid the key for his well-kept treasure, hesistantly opening it for you. He wants to say it, to keep it equal. To call it quits, now that everything is being said. It was his turn to feel his heart pound crazily. The nerves turning on and on, making him feel nervous. 

But he saw the look on your face. Levi noticed that you feel more at peace. Happy. Contented, and he didn't want to pull it away from you. 

"What is it, Levi?" 

Levi leaned on his chair, silent for a minute as he watched you. Peace colored your aura, as you tilted your head again. He watched you arch your brow, lips slightly open, your chest rising up and down evenly. 

Your heart doesn't beat that way anymore, he thought. 

He had to make a decision. Go and live with his choice. Should he tell you or not? Levi thought hard and long, watching you intently. 

His stares doesn't work on you anymore, as you only waited for him to continue. There was something different with the way his words hang in the air. It was the sheen sweat on his forehead and the unaware nibbles on his lip that he does rarely, when he's deep in thought. 

Finally, Levi stared at you. 

Levi smiled softly, shaking his head, as he went back to work. He made his choice, finding peace with it along the way to not tell you, "I forgot what I was going to say. It's nothing." 

[omg-imagine]

⊱ Drabble #5 ⊰

Pairing: John Wick x Reader

Prompts:

40- “I’m so, so sorry.”

42- “But I only just got home.”

50- “You can’t just leave like this.”

Words: 1.3k

Warning: This one is super angsty folks!

Requested by Anon ♡

John knew.

He knew of the storm brewing from the moment he parked his mustang along the gravel road of the driveway, the heavy rain pelting down on the hood of his car.

He knew of the simmering anger you must be in after being gone for nearly three weeks. No text, no calls, no indication of whether he was alive or dead. Nothing.

He knew of the mistake that he has made, the broken promise he swore to honor but failed. He wasn’t supposed to take the job—you didn’t want him to, and yet he did.

He knew of the consequences, the bitter words you would throw at him from both utter disappointment and outrage. Words that used to deeply cut him like a sharp knife, but now left him merely numb. He’s heard them all before, and as much as he hated to admit it, he was used to them.

John already knew these things walking into your shared home, but they didn’t prepare him to see the packed suitcases sitting by the foot of the staircase, a sign that it was the end, that you and he had finally reached the end.

“Y/N?” He called out your name softly, his somber voice faltering as his heart sank at the realization.

Dropping his bags on the foyer floor, John then dashed madly up the stairs, his head trying to come up with an apology—anything to make you stay. You were his love, his life, and the universe, the only good in his dark, unforgiving world. Losing you would mean losing everything, a thought which he simply couldn’t let happen.

But the past several months were filled with pain and suffering. Little by little, a piece of yourselves would chip away. Each day, John could see the light behind your eyes slowly fading, replaced by something else much sadder, colder, and emptier. Your bright smile, your cheery laugh, even the softness in your tone; for the longest while, they had disappeared.

Gone, and haven’t seen since.

And it was all because of him.

“Y/N? Darling, where are you?” John was frantic the second he reached the upper level, quickly heading straight to the master bedroom down the hall.

Swinging the door open, John found you sitting on the edge of the mattress, gazing blankly at the glass balcony window ahead. His feet softly padded on the carpet as he rounded the king-sized bed, carefully kneeling down to reach your eye level. You refused to look at him, however, and it stung.

It stung like hell.

“I’m so, so sorry,” John solemnly expressed, his hand reaching up to hold yours, only to be denied a touch.

“You always say that,” you shot back, your low voice on the brink of breaking. “You always apologize, and I’m tired of hearing it. I’m tired of everything.”

Silence interweaving with the rumbling thunder in the distance, the storm outside raged like the thoughts, feelings, and memories in his mind. John felt as though he was drowning, completely helpless in the situation. Slowly, he’s losing the battle he was fighting his best to overcome; your heart, the most precious thing he’s ever had, slipping farther and farther away.

“It’s for the best, John,” you reasoned, face blank enough to conceal any inkling of sorrow.

“But I only just got home,” he stated, his chest filling with both dread and panic. “Please, let’s talk about this. I-I’m sure we can figure out a way to fix this.”

Finally, you glanced at him, weary eyes meeting John’s misty ones, his palm coming to rest on your knee. He could sense you tensing underneath him, your breath hitching in your throat as your gaze fell. That’s when he felt it—a single, wet tear landing on the back of his hand. With a weighted sigh, John stood up from the ground before sitting down beside you, an arm wrapping itself around your shoulders.

At first, you were unwelcoming, pushing yourself far away, but to no avail. Defeated, you eventually allowed John to pull you in close, your head burying in the crook of his neck as he held your trembling body quietly. He listened to your muffled sobs, a failed attempt in hiding the anguish until your cries grew stronger, the salty tears washing away all of your defenses.

“It’s too late,” you muttered a little while after regaining the smallest bit of composure. “You promised me that things will be different, but they never do. We can’t keep pretending that you and I will go back to the way we used to be, John.”

Suddenly, you got up, stumbling as you removed yourself from John’s embrace. Wiping away the tears spilling down your cheeks, you then picked up your last bag lying somewhere nearby before heading out of the door. John quickly trailed behind, your name falling from his quivering lips repeatedly as he followed you down the steps.

“You can’t just leave like this,” he blurted out, watching you collect your suitcases and wheel them to the front door.

“It hurts to stay, John,” you snapped, slightly heaving. “I love you, but this life that you live has become too much for me. I’m not leaving because you took this contract when I begged you not to. I’m leaving because I know there’s another job waiting and another one after that. It’s a cycle that never ends, and I’m exhausted.”

John deeply exhaled, unsure of what to say next. You dreamed of a normal life; you dreamed of getting married, having kids, and growing old together. He thought he could provide that, he used to believe he would get to share that dream with you one day. But knowing that he couldn’t escape the wretched world he was brought up in, a world he has known the longest, the future you had envisioned would never be a reality.

It would never be a reality with him.

“I-I understand,” John said after a pause. The emptiness in the air was soon disrupted by the sound of the downpour after you opened the door. “If this is what you want…”

You grasped the strap of your bag and clutched your car keys tighter as you sighed. “It is. Unless you tell me right now, with all certainty, that you can walk away from that life forever.”

Swallowing thickly, John shook his head in response. It was unfair, but it was the awful truth. He couldn’t turn his back from the High Table. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t. There was no way that he could leave.

With one hand reaching for your suitcase handle, he intoned, “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” you replied, regrettably. “I’m sorry, too.”

The water droplets falling from the clouded gray skies masked the tears falling from John’s eyes as he helped load your luggage in the trunk of your car. Once it was done, you ignited the engine, reminding him that it was almost all over. Years of laughter, kisses, fights, and tears had come to an end, and it was time to bid farewell.

“You’re a good man, John,” you began, a gentle yet sad smile appearing on your face. “I don’t regret any of this. I don’t regret being with you.”

Through the open window, John kissed you a final time, silently praying that he would never forget the way your lips felt on his. When it was over, he then stepped back, giving you space to drive away. It took you a few moments, your fingers gripping the steering wheel as if you’re hesitating, asking yourself if this was truly the right decision.

Then the car started reversing out of the lot, and John couldn’t help but stare as you drove down the street, disappearing from his sight. He stood in silence under the pouring rain, soaked from head to toe though he didn’t have much care for it.

John didn’t care for anything else other than the one he loved and now lost.

And he didn’t know what to do in the aftermath of it all.

Permanent Taglist: @penwieldingdreamer​ @keandrews​ @feminine-machinegun​ @fanficsrusz​ @thehumanistsdiary​ @rdjloverxxx​ @flaminasteroid​ @lussdew​ @unaspiringwritings​

[samanthadalton]

Hi can i request some ina x mc fluff? Like a date in park and reading book? I love yours works ❤️

Anon I’m so sorry this took so long, thank you for your patience, I hope you enjoy ❤️

parings: Ina x mc 

word count: 2.1k (idk how to write short fics tbh) 

taglist: @cloud9in (you’re the only ina stan i know 😭)

Impromptu date

 It had been a few days since you last heard from Ina and you felt like she was ignoring you after the incident on Monday. 

“Way to go Bea, you just had to open your big stupid mouth and make Ina feel uncomfortable” you chastise yourself while you lay on the couch in the dorm alone since Zoey had a date tonight and made a comment about ‘not expecting her home anytime soon’. You carry on ranting to yourself about how much of an idiot you are until your phone buzzes and your heart begins to race when you see Ina’s name pop up. 

Ina 

Meet me here in an hour 

She sends you a map with a red pin drop and you can’t help but feel a little anxious about what Ina’s planning. You feel your palms sweating a bit as your mind goes into overdrive about what to wear and how you’re going to get your makeup done and be where Ina wants you to be in a matter of 60 minutes. Well 59 now. You send Ina a text asking her what you should wear but you only feel more apprehensive when she texts you back. 

Ina 

Don’t overthink, just something simple. 

I will see you soon :)

You run to your room and begin emptying the contents of your closet looking for something that screams casual. You wish Zoey was here with her fashion expertise right now, but you take a second to breathe, trying to slow down your racing heart. 

“It’s just Ina. She’s literally seen you at your worst when you had no sleep for 3 days straight because of midterms. This is fine . All you have to wear is something simple. And to stop talking to yourself when you’re alone.” You scan your closet and decide to wear ripped blue jeans with a cropped hoodie. You put on some basic makeup, remembering to put on your pink lipgloss which drives Ina crazy and then hail a cab to take you to your destination. 

You pay the taxi driver and as you step out you see that you’re at the front of the park and you see Ina standing with a comically large basket in her hand staring at her watch, chewing on her lip. You decide to sneak up on her, covering her eyes with your hands and lifting your chin up a little to whisper in her ear, “guess who?” 

Ina jumps a little but quickly composes herself again, lulled by the lowness and playfulness of your voice. 

“Bea, I’m glad you’re here. Even if you are” she glances down at her watch, “11 minutes late” 

You nudge her shoulder slightly with yours, “well professor, you didn’t really give me much notice and this is the best I could do last minute” you flash her a bright smile and she can’t help but smile back at you. She looks you up and down, appraising your outfit and you do the same to her. She’s wearing jeans for the first time ever, and a tucked in shirt and this might be the most casual you’ve ever seen Ina dress. “You like what you see?” she fiddles with the frames of her glasses, “I wasn’t sure if jeans would still look good on me” 

You bite your lip, “trust me Ina, you look hot” and she blushes in response to your compliment. 

“And you look as beautiful as ever,” her eyes still trailing against your body until she suddenly holds out her hand to you, “shall we?” You warily stare down at her hand, unfamiliar with such intimacy outside of her office. Ina senses your skepticism in taking her hand, and she wiggles her fingers and hums, “it’s okay Bea, it’s just me” she gives you a small smile, her eyes inviting and you lace your fingers with hers. Once you feel the warmness of her hand sweep into yours, all of your insecurities and doubts wipe away and you feel safe as her hand squeezes yours. You begin to follow Ina as she lightly tugs your hand towards the entrance of the park. 

“So….” you nod your head towards the picnic basket in Ina’s other hand, “are you going to tell me what’s in there” 

Ina shakes her head at your inquisitive tone and lightly swings your arms together as you walk through the park. “Haven’t they ever told you patience is a virtue Miss Hughes?” You roll your eyes at her, sparking a glimmer of humour in her eyes, “You’ll find out soon enough.”

You walk for a while through the grass, as the lampposts brighten up your path, moving away from the crowds of people and moving into the more secluded part of the park and you breathe in the crisp air feeling both content but impatient. Finally Ina slows down her walking as you reach the top of a hill that overlooks the rest of the park and she lets go of your hand and moves it towards the very large basket in her hand, taking out a blanket and a set of pillows and carefully organises them and then settles on the blanket, patting the space next to her, “join me?” 

You let out an airy laugh as you settle on the blanket, your leg brushing slightly against Ina’s, and you revel in the sense of comfort you feel, not only from the super comfy blanket and pillows but also from the ease you feel from Ina being by your side and how right it all feels. 

“Wow, Ina I don’t know what to say, this is beautiful” you nod your head, signalling to the rest of the park in which the crowds look so small from your aerial view and the lights almost look like still fireflies, their twinkle almost as bright as the stars in the night sky. 

Ina lets out a small cough before turning to you and taking your hand in hers, “I only want the best for you, I know after what happened on mon-” You pull your hand away from Ina’s and shield your embarrassed face as you let out a groan. 

“Ina, I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have lashed out like that at you. I-” 

Ina raises her hand, her expression looking solemn and the words die out of your mouth, “No Bea, you were right to be angry. I know this relationship between us” she makes a gesture between you and her, “isn’t the easiest burden to carry. The hiding, the stolen moments, I know I ask too much from you. Sometimes I’m still shocked you’ve chosen me since I don’t have much to offer you in terms of dating. I know stealing moments in my office are sometimes not enough, especially since you’re a young woman at college who’s practically throwing away her experience to be with me.” Ina turns away from you, her eyes full of pain, anguish and regret. You reach out and cup her face with your hands, your thumbs brushing lightly against her cheekbones. She averts her gaze from yours, looking down at the ground until you place two fingers under her chin lifting her head until her eyes bore into yours. 

“Ina.. I don’t care about that stuff. I know what I’m sacrificing to be with you, and yet I still choose you every time. I like being with you, even if you are a little boring sometimes” Ina snorts in retort but her lip quirks up a little so you know that she isn’t upset anymore. 

Ina shakes out of her somber contemplation and the small smile on her face shifts into a huge beam, “Well, I think that’s enough depression talk for tonight. Let me show you what I bought”. She ruffles through the basket until she brings out two containers and you grab one squealing with delight, 

“Oh my god Ina you remembered!” you place a chaste kiss on her cheek and open the container, the smell of kung pao chicken infiltrating your nostrils, almost making you drool. 

“Of course I did, it’s your favorite” Ina hands you a pair of chopsticks and you begin to chow down on the food as Ina pulls out a bottle of champagne and pours 2 glasses and places one of them in front of you. “I’m sorry if it’s a little bit cold, it was the last thing I bought but it might’ve gotten cold in the basket.” 

You shake your head, mouth full of food, “Eena iets perwfec,” Ina laughs at you as you quickly finish the food in your mouth, “sorry” 

“Don’t apologize, I admire all of your little quirks no matter how weird some of them may be” her tone dripping with playfulness. 

You gasp, “I have the best idea ever” you pick up a piece of noodle and place one end in your mouth, “we should totally do the lady and the tramp slurp thing” 

“I’m pretty sure that’s only for spaghetti” 

“Come onnnn, it’ll work trust me,” Ina quirks an eyebrow in amusement but obliges with your request putting the other end of the noodle in her mouth. “Okay now go.” You both try sucking hard on the piece of noodle but to no avail it doesn’t move. 

“I told you it won’t work” 

“Yeah, yeah, but would’ve been totally cute if it did though” 

“Maybe this will work instead” Ina fumbles through the basket and brings out a container, “maybe this will bring the romantic ambience you are so desperately craving”. She lifts up the box and you see chocolate covered strawberries and you wrap your arms around Ina giving her the biggest squeeze. 

“Oh my god, this is the best night ever. Here give it to me” she hands you over the box and you open it and take out one of the strawberries. “Let me feed you one”. Ina opens her mouth and you delicately put the strawberry inside her mouth and after she takes a bite you put the other half of the strawberry in your mouth and finish it off before licking your fingers clean. Ina watches you as you wipe away the strawberry juice with your tongue and she shifts slightly in her seat, clearly turned on by what she’s seeing. 

You both feed each other the strawberries and drink the champagne and when the food is finished, Ina packs the rubbish into a plastic bag she brought with her and puts it back in the basket. The wind picks up, making you shiver slightly, but going home is the last thing you want. You lay down on the blanket, placing your head on Ina’s lap and you close your eyes while she lazily plays with your hair. 

“I want to stay like this forever” you hear Ina chuckle before leaning down and placing a sweet kiss on your lips, which tastes of champagne and strawberries and you lean up a little more to prolong the kiss, the tongue invitingly delving into your mouth, and you moan as she bites your bottom lip before sucking on it and then pulling away. 

“I wish we could too, but at least we have tonight.” You lay there, content as the sky darkens more, the stars shining brightly across the sky and you suddenly hear Ina beginning to recite a poem. 

“A moment of happiness, you and I sitting on the verandah, apparently two, but one in soul, you and I.” You hum quietly, feeling lulled by Ina’s low voice as she carries on recounting the poem, “We feel the flowing water of life here, you and I, with the garden's beauty and the birds singing. The stars will be watching us, and we will show them what it is to be a thin crescent moon. You and I unselfed, will be together, indifferent to idle speculation, you and I. The parrots of heaven will be cracking sugar as we laugh together, you and I. In one form upon this earth, and in another form in a timeless sweet land.

“Ina” you sit up and stare into Ina’s eyes, the twinkle in them glistening more radiantly than the stars. “That was beautiful” 

“Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi” 

“I’ve never heard of them” 

“He was a poet from the 13th century, but he’s still one of the most famous poets today. I’ve always felt drawn towards that poem specifically and before I wasn’t exactly sure why. But after meeting you Bea Hughes, I’m beginning to understand the true meaning of the poem and the moments we share and how much happiness it brings me.” 

“Crap Ina, you’re going to make me cry” you quickly blink away the tears forming in your eyes and you pull Ina in for a lingering kiss as you spend the rest of the evening wrapping in each other's arms, safe and gratified.

[kaekiro]

(un)spoken

Pairing: Eren/Mikasa II Rating: T II Words: 1,975 II [AO3] Warnings: none A/N: This is for my anon that wanted a sequel to Enrapture (chapter 48)! Again, thank you very much for your message <3 I’m really glad that I finally brought some resolution to that one shot! 

As they stumble back, she blindly grasps what feels like the edge of the desk to anchor herself, balancing on one arm to stay upright and wrapping the other around his shoulders. The force of the collision sends the pile of records toppling over, the sound making her flinch but Eren remains unphased. She turns away from his kiss to gauge the mess at their boots and his lips move down to her neck in response, effectively distracting her from doing anything but closing her eyes and sighing. A bit distantly, she hears him ask if this is okay, if she’s okay and she nods, the flush on her skin deepening when he covers her hand with his own and continues. Eren takes his time moving along each side of her neck, repeating certain movements when she reacts and pressing the gentlest of kisses to the center of her throat. When it’s no longer enough, she cups his jaw to guide his lips back to hers, tugging the front of his shirt to bring him closer. More papers fall into a bigger mess beneath them, some of them crumpling beneath their shoes as they shift and pull at one another. This is entirely counterproductive to their chore and probably has undone at least an hour’s worth of work, but she barely has the presence of mind to care. There are only two things she's clearly conscious of: the heat of his hands cupping the backs of her thighs to hoist her onto the desk, and the absolute shock of how quickly things have escalated between them. 

The documents at their feet were a little less than organized when she and Eren first arrived, haphazardly stacked along bookshelves, atop boxes pushed against corners of the room, and all over the surface of the desk. After one of the longest meetings they and their friends had ever endured, the Captain decided that “light cleaning” would be a good way to stretch their legs. She and Eren were the first ones to be dismissed among the squad, having been tasked with cleaning a few rooms. Two of them had been restocked with supplies the day before, and the last one was a room being used to store documentation. Levi told them to sort through these records carefully and neatly because soon, they needed to be consolidated into end-of-the-year reports. She quickly became irate with the chore since she originally planned on exercising, but Eren didn’t voice any kind of complaint. Instead, he was the one giving her pointers as they organized and dusted, making her brows raise with how much he knew. Though, she supposed she couldn’t be all that surprised that he was well versed in the Captain’s cleaning preferences. Eren had previously told her that he did things like this a lot when he first joined Levi’s squad. 

They exchanged thoughts about the meeting and debated the kind of chore Sasha would be punished with for falling asleep, but for the most part worked together in silence, finishing with the first two rooms in record time. Upon entering the last room and looking over the mess, they collectively sighed and began sorting through the documents. After managing to organize a majority of the papers into distinguished piles and dusting off each surface, they finally stood in front of the bookshelf, staring up at the last stack. It was when they reached for it at the same time and brushed hands that he stumbled, misstepping as he pulled his arm back. She quickly reached out to steady him before he tripped over the boxes behind him, and she couldn’t help her smile as he flailed to grasp her forearms. 

“Are you okay?” she asked as she pulled him upright, trying and failing to force down the corners of her mouth. For a few seconds, he simply looked at her, not moving or saying anything. Just as she was about to repeat herself, he cleared his throat. 

“Yeah… sorry, Mikasa.” They kept their hold on one another as he maintained his gaze and she stared back, perhaps for a moment too long because soon after he glanced down at her mouth, she found herself willingly caught in his kiss and, eventually, between him and the desk. 

She struggles to recall a time when her heartbeat was this loud in her ears, and the way blood rushes to her face and pulsates throughout her body is so easily felt that it was somewhat dizzying. Yet in the midst of everything, she starts to feel self-conscious. There had been a few awkward moments that she quelled by pulling him back into a kiss, and when he gripped her waist, she wondered deep down if he preferred girls who had softer bodies. Eren probably isn’t like that, she feebly reasoned, but it has always been hard to overcome those insecurities, and being intimate in such a way somehow managed to drag it to the forefront of her mind. 

“Hey…” she murmurs, leaning back to get his attention. It felt embarrassing to ask, but she needed to know, wanted to be rid of her anxiousness over it. “Is this… am I doing this okay?”  

His eyes soften and he lifts a hand towards her face, brushing away a couple dark strands caught on her lip to tuck them behind her ear. “I’m not really sure how this sort of thing is supposed to work out…”

“Ah, right,” she whispers, averting her eyes. 

“But since you asked… I think you’re doing more than okay.” 

Her smile is small and timid, but he makes a point to kiss the corner of it and slowly works to pick up where they left off, his hair soft beneath and between her fingertips. Eren was always very goal-oriented and oblivious to matters of the heart, so to suddenly be the object of his affections still feels like something out of a dream. She could never have imagined anything like this happening between them. After he first kissed her so long ago in that cabin, she’d been so confused about the nature of their relationship. In truth, she didn’t know how to bring the matter up to him. She was left with too many questions and a great deal of hurt when he told her to forget what happened… and now this. If that’s really how he felt back then, what might he be thinking now? The thought that this could be yet another regret of his is enough for her to gently part his mouth from hers again, her hand falling from his chin to the ties at his chest. 

“Mikasa?” Sensing the shift in mood, he leans back and rests his hands beside her legs, angling his head to try and meet her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

His chest rises and falls beneath her hand as they both catch their breath, and he lets her know he’s listening when his fingers wrap around her bandaged wrist, stroking the inside of it with his thumb. Though the gesture manages to soothe her only a little, it’s enough to help bring up the question she’d been meaning to ask him for a long time.

 “...Back then, when we were hiding out, you told me to forget what happened between you and me. Did you really mean that?”

It’s too quiet in the moments following, so she chances a look at him for some kind of answer. She finds him gaping at her, clearly at a loss for words and she stares back evenly, the grip she has on his shirt slipping with her patience. His lips move, shaping to form the beginning of a word but all she hears is the sound of more paper crinkling beneath his shoes as he steps back, creating distance between them. 

“I see,” she says, her tone heavy with disappointment. She slides off the desk, carefully stepping around him and the mess of papers before kneeling to collect them. Her heart quiets down and takes on a somber rhythm as she picks up the pages little by little, the motivation to organize them as neatly as before nowhere to be found. Wanting nothing more than to be alone, she smooths out the harsh crinkles on the papers they stepped on and insists that she’ll take care of the rest, that he can and should go but he kneels down alongside her anyway, refusing to leave her with a mess he was ‘equally responsible for.’  As he gathers what's left on the floor, she reaches for what should’ve been the last stack of paperwork on the bookshelf, sliding half of it over to him when he stands. It’s tedious work, and somehow the room feels more cramped than before as they practically tiptoe around one another. But once everything is in place and Eren nods to himself after giving the room another once-over, she wastes no time and heads towards the door without him, fully intending on training to clear her mind. She twists the knob and pulls the door open halfway when his palm stops it, pushing it back until it clicks shut. Her eyes are wide and full of question as she tips her head up to look at him, both of their arms falling limply to their sides. Without warning, he moves closer and she only realizes she’s taken a step backward when her body is suddenly pressed against the door. This doesn’t go unnoticed by him, if the flash of hurt on his face means anything. She wants to tell him she didn’t mean it like that, that she was only caught off guard but he speaks up before she can, his voice just a few decibels above a murmur as he moves back. 

“Listen, Mikasa. When I said that back then, it was because I didn’t know what to say, or how to explain myself. I must’ve surprised you. I was careless to not consider you and what you felt. For that, I’m sorry. I still don’t entirely understand what… this is.” His eyes move to look at the bit of space separating them, as if he's gesturing to what’s going on between them. He continues the second their gazes meet again and she’s left speechless at his unadulterated sincerity. “But I want you to know that I think of you often… and I don’t regret any of this. I’d…” he trails off and glances to the side, a slight frown forming on his lips as his cheeks begin to color. “I’d do it over again. In a heartbeat.” 

His words seem to resonate within the silence that follows, where neither speaks or moves. She carefully considers each one before hushing all the doubts and ‘what ifs’ in her mind, feeling herself soften at his embarrassment and resisting the urge to brush his bangs away from his brow. A part of her had still been afraid of getting her hopes up, but her lips still burn from his kiss and she couldn’t ignore his display of vulnerability or the intense emotion in his eyes, how they pleaded her to believe him. There isn’t any need to complicate it. She’s already spent too much time and energy overthinking the matter. Instead, she decisively takes his hand and leads him out of the room, pulling him forward until he is walking directly beside her. 

“I feel the same,” she says, looking over at him. There’s something like shock on his face, his mouth hanging open for a good few seconds before he closes it, tilting his head in confusion. She elaborates, echoing his words.“I’d do it over again in a heartbeat.”

 She sees a hint of a smile on him just as she turns to face forward, and feels one grow on her own face when he twines their fingers together.

[clumsyclifford]

Lashton? 34, 30, 36? In that order if possible? From the angst list because I like to cry myself to sleep ~ marriage anon

marriage anon i am not gonna lie to you: this was a little bit of a challenge ESPECIALLY because i really didnt wanna make it about relationship drama. so i’m sorry that this isn’t PRECISELY the angst you wanted but on the bright side it is still angst AND it’s in the emo lashton verse !!! so. i hope it does not disappoint

-

Ashton sometimes finds it hard to return Luke’s gaze.

It’s just about the way Luke looks at him. Wide-eyed, like he’s drinking him in. And it’s nice, in a way, to be watched so intently; it feels good to know someone is paying close attention. But they’ve known each other long enough that Luke shouldn’t look at him that way anymore, and yet still he does, doe-eyed and sincere like Ashton’s hung the moon. And Ashton doesn’t know what to do about that, because he’s pretty sure he looks at Luke the same way.

It’s Luke gazing at Ashton like that, Ashton later figures, that saves his life. That almost takes Luke’s.

A few minutes away from Ashton’s house — their house, at this point, really, and there’s no sense pretending they don’t share it — a crosswalk stretches over a busy avenue, and Ashton and Luke have crossed that road a hundred thousand times before. This moment should be just like any other, debating the merits and drawbacks of various Star Wars films. Ashton’s watching the light across the road. Luke is watching Ashton. The crosswalk light flips from the red hand to the white walk sign, and Ashton steps into the road.

There’s only a split second before Luke shouts something that Ashton will later recognize as his name, and then he’s shoved out of the way, and he lands, palms scraping the asphalt, and there’s a scream and then Ashton scrambles to his feet and whirls around and there’s a car in the crosswalk and Luke is — Luke is — 

“Luke,” Ashton stutters, the sting in his hands fading as he races over to Luke. Sprawled on the ground, leg bent at an awful angle, Luke groans loudly. There’s dirt across his cheek, and blood on his hands, and for a moment Ashton forgets where they are and how to breathe.

And then the panic response kicks in, and Ashton dials 911 as the driver of the car who’d hit Luke gets out, and horns are honking furiously from behind, and Luke is crying, moaning something that sounds like Ashton’s name or maybe an apology, and Ashton takes his hand and kisses his knuckles, which are pale enough to be see-through, and whispers, “It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here, you’ll be okay, just hold on,” hands shaking with unmatched ferocity, heartbeat running rampant inside his chest.

-

Ashton doesn’t let go of Luke’s hand for the entire ambulance ride, and doesn’t cry until Luke falls unconscious, at which point he becomes entirely inconsolable and inseparable from Luke. He wants to call Michael and Calum and Luke’s family but getting words out through the tears is a task too great and terrible, so he sends them all brief texts and ignores all responses. They want to know what’s happened, how he is, will he be okay. I don’t know, Ashton thinks desperately. I don’t know anything.

Luke is situated in the ER and Ashton isn’t allowed in, so he spends that time in the waiting room, forcing himself not to cry, trying not to be crushed by the guilt of Luke pushing him out of the way and taking the hit in Ashton’s place. It should be Ashton here, right now. Luke should be fine. Luke should have never pushed him aside. Ashton is dispensable, but Luke is Luke, nobody like him in the world. The odds of Luke not being okay are slim to none, since he’d made it all the way here without dying, but Ashton’s still terrified, and still feels torn up to know that Luke is going to be in so much pain for a long time. Fuck.

When they let him in, finally, Ashton settles himself in one of the stiff plastic chairs beside the bed. The nurse gives him a knowing look, like she can tell that Ashton doesn’t plan on moving from this spot, but she just slips out the door quietly. Ashton takes Luke’s hand and rests his forehead against the edge of the bed and tries to breathe evenly, to avoid thinking about how much Luke must be hurting, or how much it will hurt for him to wake up.

Hours pass, and Ashton must fall asleep, uncomfortable though his position is, because he wakes to the sound of someone saying, “Ashton?”

Ashton would know that voice anywhere, in any crowd, at any pitch. He bolts upright and Luke is watching him through half-lidded eyes, face ashen. “You’re awake,” Ashton breathes.

“That’s good, right?” Luke says, obviously trying to tease. Ashton tightens his jaw.

“I can’t believe you,” he says furiously. “I can’t fucking believe you pushed me out of the way. You could have fucking died, Luke.”

“I didn’t die,” Luke says, which seems like a total dismissal of Ashton’s entire point.

“You could have. I don’t want — I don’t —” Grasping for something, anything to say, Ashton closes his eyes and inhales deeply. Luke’s hand is still in his, and his palm is uncomfortably warm from being pressed to Luke’s for so long. The salt from the sweat stings over the cuts on Ashton’s palms, heretofore forgotten. “Don’t fucking martyr yourself, Luke, Jesus Christ.”

“If they hadn’t hit me, they’d have hit you,” Luke says stubbornly. “I wasn’t going to let that happen.”

“I can take my own hits, Luke! Why would you think I’d prefer this? Why would — I don’t understand.” Ashton rakes a hand through his hair. “What the fuck was going through your mind. What the fuck would compel you to do that.”

“To save your life?”

“See, you could have died! Even you fucking know that!”

“I would’ve done anything for you,” Luke says plainly. “Any way your life had been at risk, I’d have taken the fall. Come on, Ashton. You don’t know that by now?”

It makes Ashton jerk back, even though maybe he had known it. Still, it’s a big statement to make, and a heavy weight on Ashton’s shoulders. “I can’t be constantly looking out for you trying to take my hits,” he says desperately. “Fuck you, seriously. I was so scared. You — you looked —”

“Hey,” Luke says uneasily, “don’t — don’t do that. I’m sorry, okay? I’m not sorry for getting you out of the way but I didn’t mean to scare you. I just — I reacted quickly. I wasn’t thinking about anything. You were in the path of a moving car and the only thing I could think was that I needed to get you out of it.”

Ashton chews on his bottom lip, looking away from Luke for a moment so he can’t see the openness, the vulnerability stacked up on Luke’s wan face. Sterility greets him; Ashton realizes that though he’s spent hours in this room he’s hardly looked around it. Not that there’s much to see, but at least the clinical equipment is a reprieve from the way Luke winces every few words, like it hurts him just to be awake.

“You’re hurt,” he finally says, eyes still cast away from Luke. “You’re seriously hurt, Luke.”

“Well, yeah,” Luke replies. “I risked my life for you.”

“It’s not fucking funny.”

“I’m not fucking joking.”

He had been, Ashton’s sure, but now Ashton returns his gaze to Luke’s eyes and Luke is somber as anything. “You’re such a fucking,” he flounders, shakes his head, looks down at the blanket, “I don’t know. I can’t believe you. I’m really fucking mad at you, you know.”

“That’s not fair,” Luke complains. “I’m on death’s door and you’re gonna be cross with me?”

“Stop saying that.” Without meaning to, Ashton’s grip on Luke’s hand tightens, and Luke glances down at where their hands are joined, raising his eyebrows. “It’s not funny to me, Luke. You really could have — you can’t joke about that. You need to be here. You need to not die. Ever.”

“Ever?”

Ashton swallows more air than he needs and breathes it all out in one go. “Don’t joke,” he repeats.

Luke has the decency to look apologetic. “I won’t joke,” he says quietly. “I’m here, though, you know? I could have died but I didn’t. I’m fine.” Ashton doesn’t say anything. “Ashton,” Luke says, a little more firmly. “Look me in the eyes.”

When Ashton meets his gaze, Luke squeezes Ashton’s hand and slips his own hand free, only to reconnect them a moment later, this time interlacing their fingers. Luke’s eyes are bluer than any sky Ashton’s ever been under, flitting back and forth over Ashton’s face, the pallor of his skin creating an even sharper contrast. They’re alive, is Luke’s point. Ashton breathes out slowly.

“Okay, you’re alive,” he says under his breath. “I know. I know.” But you almost weren’t. You were so close to not being alive anymore.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” Luke murmurs. 

“No, I’m —” Ashton shakes his head. “I’m glad you’re okay.” He pauses. “I should text your parents, probably. And the boys.” 

“I’d do it again, you know,”  Luke says as Ashton retrieves his phone. “Rather you be scared than dead.” 

“Don’t even fucking think about it,” Ashton says, although he knows that he would do it for Luke, too. “God, you know, Mike and Cal, they warned me about this.”

“About what?”

“You. Your hero complex. Martyr complex, whatever. How you don’t value your own fucking life. Just keep yourself alive, Luke.” Ashton stares him down. “Rather you be sad than dead.”

“I’d rather die than be alive without you,” Luke retorts, and then his mouth snaps shut like he can’t believe he’s said that and wants to take it back. Ashton wants him to take it back, too, because he can tell from the delivery that it’s true, but Ashton wants it to be a lie. The worst part is that it goes both ways. The codependency between Luke and Ashton runs deep and abiding, and Ashton thinks that this, what’s happened to Luke, is the best possible scenario. Anything else might be a disaster of epic proportions, and Ashton doesn’t want to be there when it hits. 

Luke tears his gaze away, but he doesn’t take it back. Ashton inhales deeply, tightens his grip on Luke’s hand.

“It’s okay,” he says quietly. “I’m just glad you’re okay. You’re okay. That’s all that matters.”

“Ashton,” Luke sighs, “you’re all that matters.”

There’s nothing that could convince Ashton that Luke isn’t everything, the whole world, sun moon and stars, which makes Ashton relatively confident that there’s no way to change Luke’s mind, either. They dance around each other like this, lifelines hooked on each other’s heartbeats, trying desperately to untangle the other’s anchors from their own hearts while simultaneously driving their stakes deeper. Ashton wonders if one day Luke will be listed for him under cause of death, if he’ll be that for Luke, if it’s possible for either to die while the other lives. Maybe they really are just twin hearts and nothing else, two halves finally rejoined, proof of Plato’s outlandish hypothesis.

It would explain a lot, if he and Luke were split down the middle from birth, fulfilling their destinies by finding each other. But Ashton doubts that’s the case. He clings to Luke not because of some divine explanation but because Luke is…because Luke is Luke, and he fills in where Ashton comes up short, and his smile slowly seals the cracks in Ashton’s heart, the wear and tear to his mind from life being what it is. Ashton prefers to think that he chooses Luke, and Luke chooses him, again and again, for love or for desperation. A fate he commits to is far more appealing to Ashton than a fate he’s shoehorned into. 

If Ashton had to pick a way to die, anyway, it would be for Luke. He shoots Luke a small, apologetic smile, and Luke returns it, and Ashton thinks that there is no way to stop Luke putting Ashton’s life before Luke’s own, because nothing could make Ashton prioritize his life over Luke’s. In this way, maybe they’ll save each other; simply by saving themselves.

[bunivys]

Ooh maybe “I’m leaving.” “Of course you are, that’s all you know how to do.” ?

Hey anon, thanks for sending this one in. I gotta admit, it’s pretty angsty so I’m posting a fluffy one right after this one. Enjoy! ❤️

The red wallpapered hallways of the Academy seemed to be eating Sabrina the further she delved into them, the clicking of her shoes echoing almost disjointedly behind her, as though the sound didn’t quite line up to her footsteps. The old magic wound deep around the bones of the school sometimes felt maddening, like entering a kaleidoscope, if she went too long without setting foot in the building.

And she had gone the entirety of the summer without so much as thinking of the Academy, her courses lying finished, books tossed to the side as though forgotten. She was having a blast with her mortal friends, spending nights at the theater then gathering around a booth in Dr. Cerberus’ to discuss, heading out for weekend trips to Sweetwater and swimming until her legs hurt, ignoring her aunt Zelda every time she tried to remind Sabrina she had duties at the school.

Zelda had finally had enough of her constant skipping out. Any time any sort of ritual came up at the Academy, any sort of celebration, Sabrina found some way out of it. Now, with the Summer Solstice on its way, Zelda had threatened to hex her if she didn’t show up, and Sabrina was on her way to her office in hopes of sorting it all out, maybe hoping her aunt would take pity on her and leave her to enjoy her mortal years in peace until she simply had to return.

As she was coming up on the doors to the High Priestess’ office, a figure was leaving.

“Nicholas,” Sabrina said before she could stop herself, surprise ringing in her voice at the sight of him. She hadn’t seen him in months, and she would by lying if she said it hadn’t been on purpose. 

He looked a little different, a bit tidier than she remembered, his hair trimmed back so the curls were no longer unruly, swept back in that effortless style she’d remembered him favoring. His clothes were dark, pressed, worn with intent instead of pulled on as a last-minute thought. Her stomach dropped when her gaze settled on the bag swung over his shoulder, the jacket draped over his arm, the air around him that oddly felt temporary. Like he had already disappeared.

His eyes, still as dark as she recalled, snapped up to meet hers. 

“Sabrina.”

They stared at each other for a moment, Nick not tearing his eyes from her, a somber expression on his face, his lips parted as though ready to say something. Why did it seem like he was trying to commit her to memory? 

“What are you doing?”

It took Nick a second to say anything, as if seeing her had just forced him to reset, had thrown him off balance. Finally, he said, “I’m leaving.” 

Something hot welled up in Sabrina. Something sharp, tearing through her on the way up. She didn’t have to question him any further to know that he meant the Academy, meant Greendale, maybe even meant the country. She could tell as much from the look on Nick’s face that he didn’t intend to come back, either, and that running into her wasn’t something he’d planned for. Which meant that he’d wanted to disappear without her ever knowing.

“Of course you are,” she snapped, unable to stop herself, “that’s all you know how to do, isn’t it, Nick?”

Nick flinched from her tone, but his features hardened quickly after that, dark brows furrowing. “What is that supposed to mean, Sabrina? If I remember correctly, I haven’t seen you around here in months.”

“That’s different and you know it,” she shot back, fists clenching at her sides. Surely, he knew why she was staying away. He had sent her off, and she had kept away because the Academy was his home, he’d said so himself, once. 

“Yeah? Enlighten me, then,” Nick said. “You washed yourself of everything, maybe some of us want to do the same.”

“I’m not here partly because you got sick of looking at me. That’s what you said, isn’t it? I figured I’d do you a favor and not show my face around here then,” she snapped, her tone meant to pierce, pulling from the argument they’d had in the woods when Nick shouted at her that all he saw when he looked at her was her father. “You’re leaving because you refuse to face anything.”

Nick’s jaw tensed.

“You left for Hell, Nick, you offered yourself up because you wanted to make it up to me, instead of facing me and apologizing for lying to me for months so that we could move past it—”

“You really think your father would have just let us talk it out after he crowned you his child bride? Really, Sabrina? I did that for you,” Nick snapped. “So that you wouldn’t have to be Lucifer’s queen, but you threw that right back at my face, didn’t you? You gladly took the crown anyway. The only fucking difference was that you let your father break me down for weeks first.”

Sabrina felt her heart tighten in her chest at the reminder of it. Those grueling weeks she’d spent trying to sort out how to get to him. Not sleeping. Hardly eating. Bringing her mortal friends into it, ignoring their concerns that she was overworking herself.

“And I did it as a last resort, Nick, you know that. I did it for you. I became Queen for you, but it didn’t matter either, because you went and left me again the second I got you back to go and mess around with sex demons and get wasted within an inch of your life.” It was a low blow, she knew it, especially after she had told herself she’d forgiven him for that. Nick had not been in his right mind, she’d said so herself, and yet, here she was, throwing it at him again.

Nick was rigid, his lips set in a straight line. “I don’t want to talk about this right now, Sabrina, just drop it.”

“Of course you don’t. You never did. You would have rather let it ruin you than to let me try and help you.”

“When was I supposed to ask for your help? At the fucking carnival in front of your friends? Or was I supposed to wait until you were done with your queenly duties for the evening, or after you were done flirting with that blonde prick?” Nick asked, and when Sabrina opened her mouth to respond, he continued, “At the time, I would have rather you left me in the pit of Hell with whatever sliver of honor I had left than for you to have dragged me out of there and then left me to ruin myself here on Earth where everyone could watch.”

“I wanted to help you!” Sabrina cried back, tears welling in her eyes at her frustration. She couldn’t imagine leaving Nick down there. “It kills me every day that I couldn’t help you, that I couldn’t get you out of there sooner. That I hadn’t listened to you when you told me you still felt him there. But the truth is, we’re just kids, Nick, how were we supposed to navigate this to perfection?”

“Isn’t that the fucking truth,” Nick groaned in agreement a moment later.

They locked eyes, staring at each other. It was the truth. At sixteen, what did she know about fixing people? Or being the literal descendent of the Devil? And he hadn’t exactly been dealt the proper resources to figure himself out, either, because witches didn’t operate like mortals. They didn’t pay for therapy or seek help from others. They were told to deal with it themselves, to hide away their hurt like it was shameful. So Nick had done just that.

At least, Sabrina realized guiltily, she had walked away from the Academy because she had that luxury. Meanwhile, Nick had stayed there, every bit of the place reminding him of the hand he had been dealt, and what he had dealt back in response. She had been too preoccupied with the way no one in the Academy looked at her the same anymore to realize he was in the same boat. Once, he had been the selfless boy who had trapped the Devil in his body, but now, he was the boy who had set him free in exchange for a high he had hoped would kill him.

They had both sunk their claws into each other, had refused to acknowledge it until they’d left gashes so deep they were unmendable. 

When Nick spoke again, after several seconds of charged silence, his demeanor was calmer, his voice a tad softer.

“You wanted to help, I know. But you can’t, Sabrina. The only person that can help me is me. The only person that has to live with everything I’ve done is me, and I’m trying. That’s why I broke up with you, because it was selfish to love you after everything I put you through, and I needed time and space to forgive myself, and…It’s really difficult. It’s difficult to know that everyone else is moving on, and I can’t get over what happened to me. So I need to leave. For now or forever, I don’t know, but I need to, Sabrina.” 

Carefully, he stepped a little closer to her.

“I’m sorry. I know I never really said that to you, and I know that it isn’t enough, but I am. I’m sorry for everything, Sabrina. I never wanted to hurt you.”

I only wanted to hurt myself.

He didn’t have to say it for her to understand what he’d meant.

“I’m sorry, too, Nick. I’ve made comments I shouldn’t have and—”

“At the end of the day, you saved my life, Spellman,” he said, trying the name out again a little timidly. “You got me clean. You fought to let me have a second chance, and I don’t plan to waste it.” He paused. “You loved me. You showed me how to love.”

“I still love you, Nick, I—” I tried to sever my feelings but it didn’t work, “I do.”

 “And I still love you,” he told her without a shred doubt in his voice. “But I need time.”

Sabrina nodded, felt a tear spill down her cheek finally. She wiped at it before he could, afraid that if he touched her again, she wouldn’t be able to let him go. “I know,” she said quietly. Nick hiked the bag up higher on his shoulder, giving her an apologetic look. He had to go. Sabrina had to let him go. “Stay safe, please.”

“I will.”

Sabrina nodded. That was that, then. “Goodbye, Nick.”

He gave her a shoulder a squeeze when he brushed past her. “See you, Sabrina.”

[imaginingsoftly]

Support - Tyson Jost

Type: established relationship

Requested: Yes!

Warnings: death

(Y/N = Your name)

A/N: Uses the song Waters, by JJ Shiplett. Anon, I’m so sorry at how sad this turned out. It was gonna be campy and cute, and then that song came on and sent me in a totally different direction. I cried a few times while writing, not gonna lie. 

It happened every time you and Sammy got together. Somebody would break out a guitar, and suddenly you and Sammy were singing while the other guys tried (and failed) to sing along. Tonight it was a little more somber than you were planning to get; it was a year since Caroline had died, and Sammy had begun the opening notes of her favorite song. The three of you had been inseparable since childhood, the three terrors of your little neighborhood. 

He glanced up at you in a silent question, and you nodded slowly in response. The rest of the guys were oblivious to the silent exchange, and you leaned a little bit more heavily into Tyson, steeling yourself to sing her song. 

Into your stream,

Where you led me time before

You felt Tyson clutch your hand. Even if the rest of the guys didn’t know what this song was for, he knew, and he knew much she had meant to you and Sammy. He’d been the one to sit with you for hours after you got the call, holding your hair back when you cried so hard that you got sick and he had to remind you how to breathe. Caroline was one of your oldest friends, second only to Sammy, and the two of you had held each other up when he’d been drafted and suddenly three became two. She’d been the one to swear that the two of you would make it out of Quebec too. You had been fine in Roberval, happy even, but she was the one with too much ambition. She had so many plans, each of them more reckless and wild than the last, and then suddenly her body betrayed her. She got incredibly sick, and the vibrant friend that was always the last to leave a party suddenly couldn’t leave her house without turning more pale than the books she had loved so much. Watching her go from lively Caroline to a living skeleton had been harder than her actual death. She had been almost unrecognizable in her coffin, a once full face that was always smiling slimmed down to skin and bones with far too many worry lines for a 20-year-old.

Into your calm,

That storms out like a cannon ball

Memories flashed like a movie in front of you as Sammy’s voice blended with yours, and it was almost like Caroline was there with you. You practically feel her sitting next to you, and it was almost like it was her arm slung across your shoulders instead of EJ’s. You could hear the sweetness of her voice, the way it blended so well with your own raspiness and Sammy’s rich timbre, back when the three of you would take the long way home just to sing together in the car. You could practically smell her perfume mixed with those damn cigarettes she insisted on smoking, no matter how much you and Sammy had tried to convince her to stop. 

The guys and their significant others had frozen in their seats, and you could tell they were finally beginning to understand that this song meant more to you and Sammy than any of the others you’d sung that night. They were exchanging glances with each other, though you saw them stop when Landy made eye contact with Tyson and he shook his head slightly. They all sat silently and watched you and Sammy celebrate your friend together, and you could see grief starting to rise in some of their eyes. It was that kind of song, really, a sort of mourning song. 

So when I die, don't you bury me in the ground

Sammy’s eyes were glistening with tears when you looked at him again, and you stopped fighting your own, letting them fall down your cheeks. It was healing, to sing this song, and for the first time since she’d died singing felt good. Tyson was rubbing soothing circles on your back as you cried through the song, fighting the lump in your throat as it threatened to swallow your voice. It was like losing her all over again. This song had always been a celebration of life for Caroline. You could still remember her joking that it was really just a euphemism for sex, and you’d agreed with her until tonight. Tonight it felt like a mourning song, and it felt like it was written for you and Sammy. 

If Sammy had been persistence, and you had been calm, Caroline was spontaneity. She would have loved this, loved that you and Sammy sang for your friends like this. She had always been the one to insist that the three of you sing for people, and she was the first person to grab a microphone during karaoke night. She probably would have been sprawled next to Cale, telling him increasingly dirty jokes just to see how red his cheeks could get. 

To your waters

Where I will finally rest

You relaxed fully into Tyson as you and Sammy finished singing, and he gently wiped your tears away. Matt threw an arm around Sammy’s shoulders, and Sammy laid his head on the older man’s shoulder. Several people were wiping tears out of their eyes, and the circle had gone entirely quiet. You felt utterly exhausted. The song and the tears had taken everything out of you, and Tyson appeared to get that as he helped you to your feet and hugged EJ, thanking him for the party. EJ tucked you into his side, kissing the top of your head with a whispered “I love you, kiddo”. It was the same for every person you encountered as you guys made your way out, until you reached Sammy. He hugged you tightly, and the two of you stood like that for a while. “It felt like she was here,” he whispered into your neck. You nodded, letting out a shuddering breath. “I felt it too.”

Tyson was patient with you that night as you sat down with your box of memories, asking questions about everything you pulled out of the box. There were photos and ticket stubs and receipts and notes, all between you and Caroline and Sammy, starting from when you were seven or eight and spanning all the way back to the spring before, when her diagnosis was just a diagnosis and not quite real. There were no pictures from when the cancer got bad. You wanted to remember her the way you knew she wanted to be remembered, dusty pink hair and oversized Led Zeppelin t-shirts and all. 

“I’m proud of you, Y/N, for singing that song tonight.” Tyson squeezed your hand. “I know that it must have been incredibly hard for you and Sammy, but it was beautiful.” You smiled sadly at him. “She would have loved those campfires, Tys. They’re right up her alley.” He traced a finger over her face in the photograph you were holding, smiling down at her as he responded. “I wish I could have gotten to know her better.” You nodded. “Me too, Tys. Me too.” He stood, kissing your forehead gently. “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

Music was healing. It was a mantra she had always sworn by, and now you could understand why; the pain of losing her was still there, but you felt a sort of closure that hadn’t been there before you sang. You touched the necklace you had worn every day since you were sixteen, a match to the one that had been buried with Caroline. “I love you, Lina. I miss you everyday,” you whispered. 

Tyson sat with you all night, and when your daughter was born two years later, on Caroline’s birthday, he held you while you cried and whispered stories of your babies namesake to her. It was the kind of unwavering support that you didn’t think you’d find outside of Caroline and Sammy, and you knew that she would have been proud to accept him into the family just for the simple fact that he understood you like not many others did. He was the rock that held you together through some of the toughest moments of your life, and he was yours for forever.

[sharada-n]

Whipping Boy

This one is dedicated to the Anon who sent me an ask because they really liked this story idea, shoutout to u!

Summary: Whipping boy, noun - A boy raised as a friend to a prince and who receives punishment in his stead.

Being an outcast in your own family is one of the worst things imaginable. Then again, being Number One isn't exactly a walk in the park either. For when a team fails, it is their leader who takes the fall.

(AO3)

Their father made them stand at attention as soon as they got home. They fell into line easily, naturally, like it was the most normal thing for them to do. Six children with their backs straight and their hands clasped behind them, breath just slightly rattled from the adrenaline and the close call, trying to suppress the exhilarated laughter in their guts.

And Vanya in the doorway, leaning against the wall in silence, watching them.

Their father waited. He didn't say anything, didn't need to. They quieted down in a matter of seconds, bodies growing tense under his scrutiny. From the corner of his eye, Luther could see Klaus bumping his elbow into Five's side playfully.

It wasn't until all was silent that their father finally decided to speak. "I certainly hope none of you were satisfied with your performance today," His voice sharp in its suddenness.

None of them answered because it wasn't actually a question. They kept their faces straight, their eyes trained on the wall, as their father paced in front of them. They were ten and they had already learned to only answer when directly spoken to. Luther tried hard to keep his breathing even, clenching his fingers against the uncomfortably feeling building in his gut. He squared his shoulders slightly, posture stiff as a board but leaning back onto his heels a bit.

"Calling it a performance might be too generous," Their father continued, cane scraping against the floor with every movement. "A disappointment would be more precise. You are fortunate only in that there were no casualties," He stopped in front of Luther, pale eyes filled with detachment. Luther often had thought those eyes might be colorless, devoid of anything. "You know that blood would have been on your hands, number one."

He swallowed. "Yes, father."

"You are all guilty of squandering your powers. Like aimless children, you treat your training as a game," His frown traveled down the line but none of Luther's siblings were foolish enough to meet their father's gaze. "As if the faith of the world did not lie solely on your shoulders."

He turned back to Luther. "But in the end, we know who should truly be held accountable for this negligence. Tell me why, number one."

It took a lot of effort for him to meet those eyes. "Because a team will always only be as good as its leader. Our success is my responsibility."

"Quite right," Their father stepped back, indicated the middle of the room with his cane. Luther followed slowly, trying to stop the insistent hammering of his heart against his ribcage. "And when one neglects their duty, punishment is in order."

Luther nodded, looking past his father at Vanya standing in the doorway, the way she fidgeted with the sleeves of her uniform. She looked worried so he tried to smile reassuringly at her, though judging by the paleness of her face it wasn't very convincing.

"Turn around. Your siblings need to know the consequences of their actions." Reginald commanded, so Luther did, hands dropping to his sides.

The first blow came so unexpectedly it knocked the air out of him and almost forced him to his knees. It was only the many years of training and the knowledge that his punishment would only be harsher if he buckled now that kept Luther on his feet.

His father held back a few seconds between each hit, waiting for the sting to subside before delivering the next one, the pain blooming all across his back. Luther didn't make a sound, biting his lip hard enough to taste blood against his tongue while he lost count of how often he got struck. If he could keep the pain from showing on his face maybe he hadn't failed after all.

Then he felt the cane come down on the back of his neck hard, making him stumble forward and almost lose his balance, gasping in pain. Allison's cry rang out sharply, but Diego had grabbed her wrist, keeping her steady.

"Dad-" It was Ben who had spoken first, voice soft and vulnerable and Luther hated himself. Hated himself for being so weak. For not even being able to endure this much. "Dad, we're sorry, Please, it won't happen again, we're sorry-"

"Being sorry does not right a wrong," Reginald simply said, waiting for Luther to get up. "If I don't teach you now, you will never learn. Perhaps going forward you will think twice before acting recklessly again."

Luther didn't move, staring at the ground instead. He didn't want any of the others to see the tears stinging at the corners of his eyes right now.

Their father started leaving the room, stopping in the doorway only to add, "Number one shall now go to his bedroom, where he will remain for the next 48 hours. He shall not leave his room under any circumstances unless it is to partake in missions. You are not allowed to see or speak with him during this time."

His departure was followed by a few seconds of tense silence, as if he had taken their ability to speak with him but before they could regain their senses their mother was already crowding the others into the kitchen, mumbling something about listening to their father and freshly baked cookies, leaving Luther to make his way to his room quietly, stubbornly keeping the tears at bay until he had closed the door behind himself.

It wasn't until a few hours later that he was pulled out of his thoughts by somebody knocking. He figured it was probably Mom bringing him dinner, but when he opened the door it was Vanya who quickly slipped inside, pushing the door close again with her foot.

"Van-" He began, but she motioned for him to be quiet with one finger over her lips, waiting for a moment. Luther could hear heavy footsteps across the hallway now, passing by his room before they disappeared down the stairs. She sighed.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, watching her sit down on his bed. She was carrying some kind of towel-wrapped parcel. "Dad said you guys aren't allowed to see me."

Vanya frowned for a moment, her eyes on the floor instead of looking at him. "I uh- I don't think he meant me. He wasn't talking to me, right?"

"Oh," Luther breathed but didn't argue. Their father had most certainly also been talking to Vanya and they both knew it. But not only was this a point of contention that often caused discomfort between them, this also wasn't the worst use of the loophole this provided his sister for getting around their father's rules. "You still shouldn't have."

"Why?" Vanya asked, hands clumsy as she undid the knot around the towel. The sincerity behind that word made Luther answer without a second thought.

"Because I deserve this."

Vanya stilled for a moment. Luther watched her, the way her bangs made shadows across her face and made her almost unreadable. She shook her head. "That's not true, Luther."

"It's punishment," He said instead, the line sounding rehearsed even to his own ears because it was. A mantra whispered to himself so often before, whenever he took the fall for their wrongdoings. When he ran those extra laps because Klaus complained about being tired. When he went to bed without dinner because Five talked at the table. "I need to take my responsibility and make things right." Whispering it in the dark over and over until maybe he could believe his father's words.

Even if it had never been this bad before.

His sister didn't answer. Luther could have predicted she wouldn't understand. This was something that was beyond her, beyond the others even. This was his duty, the only thing he was good for. If he couldn't do this right then what use did he have?

"What did you bring?" He asked instead, plopping down onto the mattress beside her and ignoring the somberness on her face or the thoughts creeping around in his mind.

"It's not much but," Vanya started, revealing the plate of cookies she had so expertly stowed up the stairs. "Five helped me steal them since he's better at that than I am."

As much as the idea of ignoring their father's direct orders didn't sit right with Luther, he did have to admit their mother's chocolate chip cookies were worth the repercussions which their disobedience might incur. "Thank you," He said, taking one and stuffing it into his mouth eagerly. He didn't have dinner yet. "And thank Five too, I guess."

Vanya smiled again for the first time since coming in, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Ben told me to bring this as well, but I don't know if it will help?" She asked him, revealing the ice pack their mom kept in the freezer for small accidents. "Does it still hurt?"

"Not really," He lied. He had stood in front of the mirror earlier when he was changing into his pajamas, watching the bruises forming on his back. They were bright red now, long streaks in the shape of the cane that struck him, but Luther knew they would fade into darker colors over the next few days and in a few weeks there wouldn't be anything left. "It isn't that bad."

"If you say so," Vanya muttered but she looked more than a little doubtful. "I guess you're used to it, with the missions and all."

"Pretty much."

They sat in silence for a bit, Luther scarfing down cookies rapidly while Vanya stared at the model airplanes hanging from his ceiling. The window was open and they moved slightly in the breeze, plastic propellors spinning in lazy circles.

"It still isn't fair." She said then, shoulders hunched and hands clasped and she looked tiny. So much smaller than she ever had before. Like maybe it was her that carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.

And Luther, who did not know how to explain to her that this was exactly what he deserved.

[fleurie3am15inspo]

Everyday Hero: Dad-Aizawa Fic

Hey there @the-lupine-sojourner​ !!! It’s me, Fleurie 😁 I bet you’re wondering, “huh, I wonder why she’s tagging me in this fic?” Well, I got news for you, buddy! I was your Secret Santa for this @dailybnha​ BNHA Secret Santa event! 😄 Surprise! What are the odds, ey? 😂 I hope I didn’t give it away in my anon asks cuz with me sounding all nervous all the time :p try as I might, I cannot shake it, lol. Well, anyway, this is all still a little new to me, writing bnha centered fics and whatnot. And as I mentioned before, it came out a little more on the slice of life side than fluff. Sorry, but I hope you like it anyway! Enjoy some Dadzawa and I hope you have a Merry Christmas!

The baby in his arms reached her tiny hands up, grasping at a few strands of his hair. It was different than before. No more did he feel that irk of annoyance when she did that. Instead, it felt warm. Innocent. And filled with love. Eraserhead blinked in surprise and tugged his head back. The movement caused him to wince and the child to laugh a colorful, sweet, twinkling laugh. Despite himself, Eraserhead felt a smile broaden over his own face and a soft laugh break through.

“Fukukado,” he warned, still laughing, “Turn it off.”

She quirked a brow, a smirk playing on her lips. “It’s not me, Eraser.”

“Don’t lie to me,” His hair rises (save for the strand in the infant’s hand) and his eyes glow red as he attempts to erase a quirk that was never even activated.

What? Curiously, he sneaks a glance at Yoshiko. Nothing.

“It’s not her either,” Emi says chuckling, “It’s you. It’s all you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“NO.”

“Oh come on, Shota! You haven’t even heard what it is yet.”

“I don’t need to. The fact that you’re asking me is enough.”

“Since when is me asking for a favor a bad thing?”

“Since you haven’t visited for years and only show up whenever you need something.”

“Okay, I know I haven’t had the chance to visit lately, but I know for a fact you haven’t made the effort either. The way I see it, it’s the classic kettle calling the pot.”

“I have a responsibility to my agency.”

“As do I to my city,” Sigh, “Look, it’s just for a few days. I need to attend the conference per company regulation. It’s just a series of meetings and trainings, but I can’t bring Yoshiko with me. I need someone to look after her while I’m gone.”

“Why don’t you get a babysitter for her?”

“I’m not trusting my baby to a stranger! Especially not now where there’s been undocumented kidnappings in the area. I don’t have time to do background checks on everyone. I know you. And I trust you. Please, you’re the only one I trust to look after my daughter.”

“...How long?”

“Just the weekend. The second the conference is over, I’ll be on the next flight home. I promise.”

“Alright. Bring her by the house later when you’ve got all her things. Stay safe up there.”

“I will. Oh, thank you Shota! You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Don’t mention it. Though, in exchange, you need to stop with these out of nowhere favors. Come by and visit sometime.”

“Of course! Yoshiko needs to get to know her godfather, afterall.”

“Her what?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been four years.... I miss you, Aneko.

Indeed, four years have passed since the disappearance of his cousin. What had only meant to be a three day weekend of watching his newfound goddaughter had taken a somber turn when news spread of a massive villain attack in the city where his cousin’s agency was undergoing their annual battle training. Normally, such an outright attack on a congregation of heroes would be wildly unsuccessful, if not laughable. But this instance was far from normal. In broad daylight, the entire building just vanished. Along with everyone inside it.

Investigations were still underway to locate the missing heroes. But in the four years of the aftermath, too little leads yielded little hope. Many families were grieving and others were moving on, adjusting to their new lives; Shota included. Suddenly, he found himself to be the only family baby Yoshiko had left. Her mother was missing and as far as he knew, Aneko had been on her own.

Once he came to terms with the fact that he was now her legal guardian, he had pulled out all the stops. Parenting books, crib shopping, taking a leave of absence from his agency, and enlisting the help of a few friends like Ms. Joke and Present Mic. Despite not having any children herself, Fukukado was great with children. She always seemed to know what to do to get a laugh out of the child without the use of her quirk. Mic knew some good lullabies to lull her to sleep.  

Even with all the help he had been receiving from those around him, he still found himself questioning his abilities. How was he supposed to raise a child? Aizawa never had any siblings growing up and was raised to be independent from the get go. Aizawa knew he couldn’t rely on their help forever, so he spent countless hours practicing on his own. In no time at all, he learned to change diapers, properly prepare bottles, braid hair, put outfits together, etc. and as Yoshiko got older, he was constantly finding himself picking toys off of the ground, trying to get her to eat her vegetables, preparing special meals for her, struggling to get her to sit still in the morning long enough to brush her hair. It was hard work. And he loved every minute of it.

Finally, in the blink of an eye, Yoshiko was old enough to start school. It should have been a relief to have her start school. It would mean that she was being kept under close supervision at all times for the better part of the day so that he could focus a little more on his work. As it was, being a single, working father was hard enough. Having somewhere she could be safe while he worked gave him a little bit of breathing room, but lately, he had been reminded that villains didn’t seem to care for heroes’ personal lives and would make their little heists at ungodly hours of the day. Or just any time he could have spent with his daughter.

With a sigh, the erasure hero pulled his goggles over his eyes and refocused on his current mission at hand. His agency had gotten word of suspicious activity on one end of town and had sent him to investigate. Silently, he crept towards the edge of the building overlooking an alleyway. It looked to be some sort of contraband deal. There were six figures in total; nothing too serious. Working quickly, he made sure to apprehend them and made short work of them in no time. The only injury he sustained was a cut along his upper arm from one of the thugs’ talons when he let him get too close. All things considered, that injury was the least of his problems.

“Shoot!” The injury could wait. He was nearly two hours late picking up Yoshiko from pre-school. Working quickly, he made sure to bind the thugs together away from the contraband and contacted the authorities. It took forever for them to arrive, it seemed. By the time the first cop car arrived, Eraserhead was already wrapping his scarf onto the building ledge.

“Wait!” The cop called, “Eraserhead, we need a statement!”

“That’ll have to wait,” He responded curtly, “I’m already late picking up my daughter.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, a little girl with violet hair and yellow floral overalls is sitting in the doorway of a classroom, drawing in the dirt with her finger. Her backpack is lain against the wall. Two of her teachers are watching from inside the classroom and exchange worried glances. The younger of the two, Akiyama, approaches her and kneels down next to her.

"How are you doing, sweetie? Your dad still isn't here yet?"

"Nope."

"Do you want to come inside? It’s going to be dark soon.”

“No, thank you.” she replied, not looking up from her drawings, “Daddy will come.”

“I know sweetie, but we need to get you inside. We’ll call your dad again in a few minutes.” She holds out a hand towards Yoshiko. “Come on. You can have a snack if you want, too.”

Yoshiko finally looks up at her and stares at her hand blankly. She hums in hesitation before glancing out one more time at the empty parking lot. “I don’t…”

A loud screeching of tires sounds through the air and a taxi is seen skidding past the pickup area, grinding to a halt a few feet away from where the classroom door is. The poor teacher’s aide next to Yoshiko screams and falls back, but the little girl smiles with glee. Aizawa jumps out the driver’s side and a very frightened taxi driver scrambles out of the passenger side.

The driver clutches his stomach and raises a shaking finger at Aizawa, “Y-you! What are you crazy?! You could have killed us!”

The other teacher rushes out of the classroom and kneels down at the side of the petrified aide. She shoots Aizawa a very angry look. “Sir!” she screamed, “This is a school, for Heaven’s sake!”

He pays no attention to them, instead, focusing on the one shout that mattered.

“Daddy!”

He rushed around the car to the little Yoshiko who is bouncing up and down excitedly. She’s raising her arms and he scoops her up into a hug with an apologetic look on his face.

“Hey, hey…” he murmured, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect work to keep me out so late. I’ll be on time tomorrow, okay? I promise.”

“It’s okay Daddy,” she said snuggling her face into his shirt, “I knew you’re coming!”

The older teacher, Hayashi, is helping up Akiyama while holding a steady glare at the “Sir,” she reprimanded, “This cannot continue. We have told you countless times that we are not a daycare center. When 3 o’clock rolls around, you are expected to be here, on TIME, to pick up your child. I understand you’re a busy man, but given that you are already aware of these instances, I implore you to make arrangements at an actual after school child care facility-”

“I am not trusting my baby to a stranger,” Aizawa interrupted, holding Yoshiko tighter,  “The background check process took long enough with this school, I don’t have the time to interview other daycares.”

“Well, I’m sorry, sir, but something has to be done. Take it up with your employer; we can’t keep doing this.”

The tension hung in the air for a brief moment before Aizawa finally relented with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I’ll see what I can do. I’ll be here tomorrow.”

Hayashi crossed her arms and said, “See to it that you do.” before leading Akiyama back to the classroom by the elbow.

“Looks like I have work to do,” Aizawa humphed. He pulled Yoshiko away from him and placed her on his shoulders. “You want to take the scenic route home?”

“Yes!” she cried, clapping her hands happily. Aizawa wrapped one end of his scarf around her like a makeshift seatbelt and readied the other in his free hand. Before taking off, he dug around in his pocket for a few bills. He promptly handed them to the taxi driver who, though no longer shaking, still remained a little green from the incident.

“Sorry about that. We’ll take the high road home from here. Let’s go!”

Yoshiko waved bye-bye to the taxi driver one last time. And with that, he swung off high above the building tops.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright, Yoshiko,” he said putting her down once they got home, “go put your backpack away. I’ll clean up a little and get dinner started.”

“Okay!”

While she bounded off to her room, Aizawa made his way to his own room to grab a fresh set of clothes and get changed. He winced a little at a small pain in his upper arm and remembered his wound. The cut wasn’t deep. Nothing a bandage shouldn’t be able to take care of. After wrapping it quickly, he headed back to the kitchen and set some noodles to boil on the stovetop. While that was cooking, he found Yoshiko sitting at the table with crayons and pages scattered all around her. Most were adorned with colorful doodles of cats and flowers. She had her head bent low over her current project and was scribbling feverently. Aizawa took a spot next to her, leaning over curiously.

“What are you drawing there?”

Donning a wide grin, she proudly holds up her drawing, “It’s you!”

Indeed it was. As close to resembling Aizawa as a four year-old’s crayon drawing could be, anyway. Yoshiko had drawn a tall box looking man with wild black sticks for hair and giant pink swirls for his eyes. Beside the figure was a smaller box girl with violet sticks of hair pointing downward that seemed to be both holding hands with the Aizawa figure and holding this giant pudgy looking cat in her other arm. (Said cat was now rubbing himself along the feet of her chair, meowing for attention.) And on the top of the page was scrawled the words “ME AN DADE” Warmth blossomed in his chest as he took it all in. Yoshiko leaned over with big gleaming eyes. “Do you like it, daddy? Did I do good?”

Aizawa chuckled and pulled her over, giving her a kiss on the forehead, “I do. It’s beautiful, thank you. And you know what? I know the perfect place for this.”

She jumped off of her chair and followed him back to the kitchen where she watched him proudly stick a magnet on the corner and stuck it to the fridge. “How does that look?” He asked her. Instantly, she squealed and bounced around in joy. “It looks perfect!!”

He picked her up and planted another kiss on her head before setting her back down again. “I’m going to finish up here. Go draw me another one, okay?”

“I’m gonna make a big one!” she cried, running back to her crayons and starting on a clean page with a renewed vigor.

As he stirred the soba, Aizawa got to thinking. How did he end up with such a beautiful little girl? A small pang hit his heart as he recalled the specific details as to how he came to be her guardian, but it was replaced with determination to raise his goddaughter as if she were his own. So far, it looked like he was succeeding. She was growing up so fast, and so patient for her age. She had to come first, always. It wasn’t fair that what happened today was commonplace for her. At this rate, it could spiral out of control and he could be missing out on larger parts of her life.

No. He wasn’t going to let that happen. Working at the agency and trying to be there for Yoshiko was becoming too much of a losing battle. He would just have to take a break from hero work for a while. Try something else, teaching maybe. A lightbulb went off in his head and he grabbed his cell, dialing a certain blonde pro-hero.

“Hizashi? Could you come over and watch over Yoshiko for a little while? There’s something I need to do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Principal Nedzu, thank you for meeting with me on such short notice”

“Not at all!” The small rodent hoisted himself up on a chair and settled down happily with his cup of tea. “I have often told you in the past that if you ever needed anything, all you had to do was ask. Surprisingly, not too many folks are too keen on the idea of coming to me when they need assistance. I ask for nothing in return; I’m so glad you are finally coming forward to speak with me. Just tell me what you need and we can work something out. Are you having issues in your current place of employment? Perhaps if we discussed it at great length-?”

“That won’t be necessary,” Aizawa interrupted hastily, “I am experiencing some difficulty with time management in my current agency. I called hoping to meet with you to discuss an employment opportunity you had offered to me in the summer.”

“Ah, yes!” Nedzu exclaimed, “I do recall contacting you. We are in need of a new homeroom teacher for the hero course. Have you reconsidered my offer? The position is still available if you are interested.”

Aizawa set his own cup down and leaned forward in his chair. “As a matter of fact, I have. I will be leaving my current agency soon in favor of a job with more manageable hours. Financially speaking, we are well off. But practically, I cannot raise my daughter if I am never home. And now that she has started school, I am having a difficult time finding a middle ground”

Nedzu nodded understandably, “Yes, I see. It is no easy task raising a child alone. But rest assured, here at U.A. we take care of our faculty members. Believe it or not, you are not the only teacher who has had difficulty with after school childcare. We have a daycare center in our main building. You are more than welcome to make use of it for your daughter. We can send someone over to retrieve her every day precisely at three o’clock and have her wait here until the school day has finished.”

Aizawa stiffens a little at the mention of someone else picking up Yoshiko from school. Nedzu catches the hesitation, “I see you are a little uneasy still? Not to worry, Eraserhead, we are all trained professionals here. Your daughter will be in safe hands. You have my word”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night, Aizawa took special care in brushing and braiding Yoshiko’s hair. He sat with her on the bed while she busied herself with annoying the old black and white kitty by hugging him relentlessly. While he brushed, he pondered how to ask his next question.

“Yoshiko? I want you to tell me something.”

“Yes?”

“How does it make you feel when I am late picking you up from school? Or have to leave early sometimes and you have to stay with aunt Fukukado or uncle Hizashi until I get back?”

The question makes her pause and think. The cat uses this opportunity to flee but she makes no effort to grab him again. “Well...sometimes when you’re late, I feel sad. I have to wait longer to see you. And when you’re really late...I get scared…”

A surprised look comes across Shota’s face, “Scared?”

She nods in affirmation, “Uh-huh. I get scared...cuz what if you don’t come for me? I don’t want you to forget about me…then I would be alone...”

At that, he pulls her in for a hug, “No, no. I could never forget about you. I’m sorry that I’ve scared you so much that you even had to think that. Look at me,” He lifted her face to look her in the eye, “I promise-”

“Pinky promise?” she asked, holding up her little finger.

“Pinky promise,” he confirmed, hooking their pinkies together, “that no matter how long it takes me to get to you, or how far I go, that I will never, ever forget about you. It’s impossible. You’re my little girl. I’ll always make my way back to you, even if I have to fight a million monsters to get to you. I’ll fight a million and one, just to keep you safe.” He kissed her forehead and scootches her over to the pillow end of the bed, tucking her into her covers. “Now you rest easy tonight, okay? Daddy got a new job, so I’ll be there right on time waiting for you after school. How does that sound?”

Yoshiko smiled and yawned, turning into her covers, “Every day?”

“Almost every day. If I can’t, I’ll have your uncle come get you. You won’t be alone again. I’ll be here. I promise.”

The smile on her face grew wider and more content as she begins drifting off into sleep.

“Thank you.”

He ruffles her hair in response, “You’re welcome.” He picks up her teddy bear from the floor and places it next to her as he gets up to leave. He stood at the doorway, flicking off the light when she spoke in a soft whisper.

“Daddy?”

He turned his head back to his little girl, already cuddling with her bear and falling half-asleep, “Yes?”

“You’re a hero.”

Aizawa snorted a little chuckle, “I know. That’s my job.”

“No,” she opened her eyes a little, “You’re my hero.”

A sudden burst of warmth exploded in his chest. To hold that mantle in your daughter’s heart...it almost made him want to cry. Almost. One thing he knew for sure: he would never let anyone hurt his child. He would protect her with his final breath, fight off any monster she feared, and make sure that she would be loved and safe for the rest of her life.

Sometimes he would think back to his life without her and think of how it was so different since she came along. His life was a better place. And it was all thanks to her.

“I love you daddy.”

“I love you, too.”

FIN

[ghostheadcanons]

Nameless Ghouls: S/O’s Return

Anonymous said:

I need happy headcanons for the one with the death of s/o of the ghouls!! Maybe take care of them?

I can do that just fine, anon. The ghouls deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else does.

No one is sure how it happened. One moment, you were dead, and then the next moment, you weren’t. The eldest Emeritus son denied having anything to do with it; he didn’t resurrect you. It was nothing short of a miracle...

TW: Premature Burial for Aether’s.

Aether is watching over your grave, as usual. He is somber; tomorrow, the mourning period will end, and he’ll have to go back to the church and pretend that everything is fine. That he isn’t still devastated by your absence. 

He breathes out a sigh, laying down on his side before your headstone. 

“Just what will I do without you?” he murmurs.

And he freezes. 

Deep in the earth beneath him, there’s the hard banging on wood. 

And....no, he isn’t mistaken. That’s your voice. Your screams.

Had you been buried alive??

Panic seizes his heart. “Hold on! I’ll get you out of there!” he yells, leaping up. And he’s clawing at the ground, clods of dirt and grass flung aside as he digs his way down to you. All the while, fear clouds his mind--but along with it comes hope, an undeniable hope that you’re still here with him.

When he reaches the coffin, he tears off the lid in one swift motion. And there you are--coughing and weeping and gasping for breath, but alive. Aether hoists you into his arms, hugging you close to him.

“Aether,” you sob. “I-”

“Shhhh. It’s okay. I’ve got you.” He rubs your back, rocking you slightly as tears of his own run down his cheeks. “I’ve got you...”

He pauses.

“...and I’m never letting you go.”

-

It’s the day of Dewdrop’s execution.

He kneels on the ground while Papa Nihil sharpens the silver dagger used for sending Ghouls back to Hell. His hands aren’t bound behind him, as is the custom for some ghoul executions.

After all, he volunteered for this. 

“I ask you only once more. Are you certain you want this?” The head of the church looks solemnly down at Dewdrop, who only stares impassively back up at him. “You are not being condemned. You could still live on, here, on earth.”

The Fire Ghoul does not snarl or swear. There is no more anger in him; it’s all boiled away to cold acceptance. 

“Not without them.” He lifts his chin slightly, baring his neck. “...just make it quick.”

Nihil nods. He leans down, moving to slit the Ghoul’s throat...

“STOP!”

The door is flung open with a loud bang! Both Nihil and Dewdrop look over, shocked. Standing there is you, alive and panicked, along with a few of the other Ghouls. They had rushed you here as quickly as they could. 

“Dewdrop!” you cry out, running to him and dropping to your knees. You wrap your arms around him, both to pull him into an embrace and to shield him from the dagger. “Don’t go back to Hell--I’m here! Please, I’m here!”

Dewdrop is limp in your arms, stunned. Slowly, he puts his own arms around you. It takes him a minute to process what’s going on. His mate isn’t dead. You’re still with him. He begins to sniffle and tear up, leaning into your hug, taking in your scent... 

All the while, Papa Nihil watches with a soft smile. “Ah, young love,” he chuckles. 

There will be no execution today.

-

Mountain doesn’t react when he sees you again.

You blink, holding out your arms for him. “...Mountain? Are....can....can you hear me?”

He still says nothing. His eyes are filled with a deep sadness as he watches you, but he makes no move to embrace you. 

You try to walk closer, but he takes a step back. “...what’s wrong...?” you ask. 

He whispers something. Any other human would’ve had a hard time hearing him, but you are used to your mate’s quiet tones. His response breaks your heart.

“I’ve had this dream before.”

Tears fill your eyes. “Mountain...!” And you can’t stop yourself. You run to him and hug him, sobbing. He blinks in surprise, looking down at you. And he can’t deny to himself that this time feels more real than the other dreams. He’s never actually felt you up against him. 

Finally, the Earth Ghoul returns your hug, closing his eyes. 

If this is a dream, Lucifer, then please never let me wake back up. 

-

Rain can’t believe his eyes. You’re dead. He heard the news. He went to your funeral. He left seashells and flowers on your grave. 

And yet, here you are, smiling and alive.

“...is it really you?” he whispers.

“I’d hope so,” you respond, tilting your head a bit. “Are you okay? You look...well, terrible...” 

He doesn’t respond. Slowly, as if you might dissolve into dust if he’s too clumsy with you, he reaches out for you. The Water Ghoul cups your cheek in his hand, eyes wide. His other hand slides to your shoulder, running carefully down. His pace increases, and soon he’s frantically feeling along your body, hugging you and kissing you and crying into your shoulder.

“Shhhh...it’s okay...it’s okay, Rain.” You hold him tight, whispering soothingly to him. “I’m here...”

He can’t say anything--all he can do is cry. But now they’re tears of happiness, of finally being able to hold you again. 

--

Cirrus is looking you over, chittering nervously about how you survived that accident. But Cumulus is silent the whole time. The short Ghoulette is just staring at you, with her arms folded. Honestly, you’re used to Cumulus being the more reactive out of the pair of them. To see her like this is unsettling.

“Cumulus?” you whisper. 

All you get is a little growl. 

“Are...you oka-?” you try to say, but suddenly she’s running at you and hugging onto you so tightly you can’t breathe. She’s sobbing into you. 

“Don’t ever leave again!” she snarls, looking up at you with tears in her eyes. “You promised you wouldn’t! Do you know how worried we were?!” 

“I’m sorry...” you wheeze, barely able to speak. 

“You’d better be!” She leans back out, glaring at you. “I’ll kill you myself if you even think about dying again anytime soon!”

“Cumulus....” Cirrus sighs. But the taller Ghoulette joins in on the hug, and you find yourself in your favorite position--being held, with one of them on either side of you.

Now, if only you could breathe....

--

“Where’s Swiss?”

None of the other Ghouls will look you in the eye when you ask about your mate. You were so thrilled to be back, but now you feel anxiety beginning to trickle in. 

“...you guys? Where’s Swiss?”

Aether is finally the one to speak up. “He’s...he left. I’m sorry...he was so upset with you gone...”

“The Clergy has a bounty on him.” Dewdrop scowls. 

“....oh,” is all you can think to say. 

The rest of the day is spent in the company of the other Ghouls. After your ‘death’, and the grim fate of Swiss meaning you might be the one Pining soon, they don’t want to leave you alone again any time soon. 

But late that night, you find yourself roused from your restless sleep by a weight on your chest. Blearily, you open your eyes...

...and find yourself staring into a pair of familiar ones. 

“Swiss!” you gasp. 

“Were you expecting the Addams Family?” He cocks his head at you. 

“No,” you wheeze. “Can’t...breathe....” 

“I know. I have that effect on people.”

“Get off of me, you ass!” you hiss, shoving him back. He falls back on the bed, laughing. He’s quick to dive under the covers and cuddle up beside you.

“Did you miss me?” he murmurs. You press a long, hard kiss to his lips in response, wrapping your arms around him.

When he can finally come up for air, he has a dazed grin.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”