#THIS QUOTE THO. ONLY REALLY HITS HARD AFTER YOU’VE ALREADY FINISHED EVERYTHING

[goldensunset]

‘but neku, i thought you couldn’t afford to lose…

give up on yourself, and you give up on the world.’

[stephissalty]

clumsy with your heart

Pairing: Iwaoi

Rating: T

Warnings: Language

Words: 6600

Summary: Oikawa Tooru is fine. Okay, maybe not really. He's running on empty, his work is literal hell, he hardly sleeps or eats, and he could very well collapse at any given second. But! For all intents and purposes, Oikawa Tooru is fine.

Except, he's not, and Oikawa is hurting his best friend by hurting himself, but he doesn't see the damage he's causing. And Iwaizumi's rope is running just as thin as Oikawa's.

AO3

clumsy with your heart

He probably got a little bit greedy. Yeah, that was probably it. He’s always been too greedy, too pompous, and it bit him in the ass when he got too close to the sun and fell back to earth, leaving a path of pain in his wake. Flew too close to the sun, picked up too many responsibilities, played with a few too many hearts. Looking back, that’s probably what ended him up here. He tried to play god, tried to split his own heart in too many directions when it could really only go one. He pushed the one person who would go to the end of the earth for him too far.

That’s how everything went wrong and how he lost his best friend.

God, he hated himself.

The other deserved better than him.

Fuck.

-

Oikawa Tooru is fine. 

“Oikawa, we need you to stay late tonight.” He agrees even though it’s the third night this week.

It’s fine.

“Tooru, you haven’t called in weeks.” He’s been busy, he says. It’s the truth, but his energy is running on empty.

It’s fine.

“Oikawa, come out tonight; you need fun.” He says no, quoting something about being tired.

It’s fine.

He’s fine. 

-

“Tooru, you haven’t left your bed in two days.” Iwaizumi pokes his head into Oikawa’s room, where he’s made himself a nest of blankets to make the best of his long weekend. Even though he’s “relaxing,” he still has his laptop and is doing his homework for the upcoming week so he doesn’t need to worry about it. “Please come out.”

“I’m recharging for another week from hell,” he responds. Iwaizumi is the only person who’s ever seen him like this. Weak. 

“We can watch that American crime show you’ve been wanting to watch,” Iwaizumi offers. Not for the first time, fondness blooms in Oikawa’s chest for his best friend at how hard he’s trying. He’s the only person who hasn’t given up on Oikawa.

Oikawa considers the offer and cocks his head. “Okay.”

He slowly peels back his layers of blankets, very aware of Iwaizumi’s concerned gaze from the doorway. Carefully, he stands and makes his way to his friend, who has a soft smile on his face as he wraps an arm around Oikawa’s waist. Together, they walk over to the couch and settle into their usual position. Oikawa lays his head on Iwaizumi’s lap as Iwaizumi runs his hand through the other’s soft hair.

“Thank you, Iwa-chan,” he whispers part way through the show.

He draws one of Oikawa’s hands up to his mouth and presses a gentle kiss to the backs of his fingers. “Anything for you.”

His heart flutters slightly as he directs his attention back to the television. Iwaizumi shifts to reach for a blanket, which he drapes over Oikawa. Oikawa grabs onto his left hand - the hand that isn’t petting him - and doesn’t let go. 

-

“Oikawa, nice serve!”

He serves the ball and the volley begins, bouncing back and forth between both teams until Iwaizumi spikes it down in the other team’s court. 

Today’s practice is fairly standard, if not tedious. They’ve been doing practice games a lot recently, which he supposes is better than laps of diving drills, but his head is starting to hurt from the constant court analysis. Regular practice drills wouldn’t be a bad change of pace, he thinks, and then cringes at the thought of some of the especially miserable drills.

“Nice practice, wrap up! See you guys tomorrow morning!” the captain shouts. Right now it is nearing ten o’clock, and morning practice starts at five tomorrow. Barely seven hours. 

“Hey, I’m going to run some serve drills if that’s alright,” Oikawa calls over to him. He can feel Iwaizumi’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t say anything.

Once all of his teammates have left, he hits ball after ball over the net, most of them staying in bounds, but still not as powerful or as controlled as he wants. Iwaizumi is standing by the ball basket, drinking water as he carefully regards Oikawa’s energy state. 

After a particularly poor serve, he swears, “Fuck.”

“Tooru.”

“I’m not done, Iwa-chan.”

“It’s midnight. You’ve been at it for two hours. Your knee is going to give out. We need to go home and you need to ice your knee.”

“No, it’s not good enough,” he argues, feeling his voice catch slightly.

“Tooru.” 

He goes to pick up another ball but discovers that the basket is empty - he’s already emptied three so far. Oikawa doesn’t allow his annoyance to show on his face as he makes to duck under the net to pick up a few of the balls on the other side of the court, but there’s a harsh pull at his collar.

“You’re done. Stretch, asshole,” Iwaizumi demands. He starts picking up all of the balls around the gym.

“Iwa-chan, I’m fine. You really don’t need to worry about me so much.”

Iwaizumi looks back at him. His undereyes are slightly darkened, but Oikawa figures it’s because it’s getting late. “Don’t I, though? C’mon, we’ve gotta get home.”

When they get back to their apartment, Iwaizumi pitches an ice pack at his face with a towel wrap, demanding that he ice his knee. Oikawa reluctantly agrees.

He struggles to sleep that night and instead tosses and turns until it’s close enough to the time when he’d have to wake up for morning practice anyways. Iwaizumi notices, of course.

-

05 December, 11:13

To: Oikawa Tooru

From: Kindaichi Yuutarou

Subject: Recommendation Letter

Hi Oikawa-san,

I hope you’re doing well. I was wondering if, when you get a chance, you’d be willing to write a recommendation letter for me? I’m looking at applying for some internships and co-ops, and I think that a recommendation letter from you would benefit me greatly.

Thanks,

Kindaichi

05 December, 12:39

To: Kindaichi Yuutarou

From: Oikawa Tooru

Subject: Re: Recommendation Letter

Kindaichi-kun,

Absolutely. Attached is the letter. Feel free to save it and use it as you need. If there is anything you’d like added to the letter, I can do that. Good luck in your future endeavours.

Best,

Oikawa Tooru

Marketing Supervisor, Social Division

-

Received, 17:00: Yo are you coming out tonight?

Delivered: 17:31: no i’m staying late at work and then i’m gonna workout

Delivered, 17:31: thanks for the invite tho

Received, 17:34: Okay, you’re always welcome to join

Delivered, 17:48: thanks

Delivered, 17:48: miss you and mattsun

Received, 17:50: We miss you too

-

19 December, 15:09

To: Oikawa Tooru

From: Social Division Management

Subject: Activity Report

Good afternoon,

Can you draw up a report of your division’s activity for the last eight months? Include all new hires, reports written, complaints filled, write-ups, articles, successful marketing schemes launched, unsuccessful marketing schemes launched, and schemes in progress in addition to anything else you see fit. We need this by tomorrow morning.

Social Division Management

19 December, 16:55

To: Social Division Management

From: Oikawa Tooru

Subject: Re: Activity Report

Good evening,

Attached is the report. I’ve put it in an Excel file format, but I can convert it to a PDF or different document format if that would better suit your needs. If there is any missing information, please let me know and I’ll be happy to fix it.

Oikawa Tooru

Marketing Supervisor, Social Division

-

Received, 14:03: hey oikawa, have you finished the assignment for class

Delivered, 14:15: [Photo Attached]

Delivered, 14:15: there you go

-

22 December, 15:32

To: Oikawa Tooru, Volleyball Team

From: Team Captain

Cc: Coach

Subject: New Year’s Tournament

Team,

We have an upcoming tournament on 01 January. Please clear your schedules for 31 December and 01 January and allow for more practice time leading up to this tournament.

Captain

-

[Time Request Off]

31 December

01 January

- REQUEST DENIED -

-

23 December, 10:39

To: HR Management

From: Oikawa Tooru

Subject: Time Off

Hello,

I recently submitted a time off request for 31 December and 1 January, but it was denied. My volleyball team is travelling for a New Year’s tournament, and it is vital that I attend the tournament. I am asking that you reconsider the time off denial.

Thank you, Oikawa Tooru

Marketing Supervisor, Social Division

23 December, 15:24

To: Oikawa Tooru

From: HR Management

Subject: Re: Time Off

Oikawa,

You will be granted the time, but you must be on call at all times on those days. We will not make another exception like this in the future.

HR Management

-

[Time Request Off]

31 December

01 January

- UPDATE: REQUEST PARTIALLY APPROVED, SEE NOTE -

Note: On call 31 Dec and 01 Jan

-

23 December, 16:02

To: HR Management

From: Oikawa Tooru

Subject: Re: Re: Time Off

Hello,

Thank you for granting me the time off I requested. I appreciate it.

Oikawa Tooru

Marketing Supervisor, Social Division

-

Delivered, 17:45: hey i’m gonna be late getting home tonight

Delivered, 17:46: more things have come up

Delivered, 17:46: i should be out in time for practice, not sure tho

Received, 17:50: What can I do to help you?

Received, 17:50: Do you want me to bring you dinner or anything?

Delivered, 17:55: that’d be great

Delivered, 17:55: thank you hajime

Received, 17:56: Always

Oikawa meets Iwaizumi in the lobby of his office building. Iwaizumi is holding two bags of takeout and smiles sadly.

“Are you coming up?”

“Can I?”

“Of course.”

It’s nearly seven now, and Oikawa is one of the last people in his office left. Iwaizumi steals a chair from the cube next to Oikawa’s and wheels over. He looks up and down at Oikawa, taking in his rough appearance, hunched shoulders, dark undereyes, and sunken cheeks. Oikawa knows he looks bad.

“I’m going to text the captain and tell him we won’t be in,” Iwaizumi says quietly after a moment of deliberation. It leaves no room for argument.

“Are you going to go?”

“No, I’m going to take you home,” he responds. He sounds sad, a voice in Oikawa’s head says. “Please stop pushing yourself like this.”

Oikawa whips his head up at that. “What?”

“You heard me.” Iwaizumi doesn’t look up from his untouched food.

“I’m fine, Iwa-chan.”

“You’re really not, Tooru!” Iwaizumi exclaims, slapping his leg in frustration. “Your boss says run and you run. No matter what it is, you don’t say no to anyone but yourself! You’re killing yourself! You had to beg just to get two days off. When’s the last time you were home before five? I hate seeing you hurting yourself.” His voice sounds thick, and his eyes are wet, Oikawa realizes.

What’s wrong with Iwa-chan?

“It’s just the name of the game,” he mumbles and averts his eyes. Anywhere but at Iwaizumi. “It’s fine, really. I’m a big boy.”

“You’re starting your day at fucking five in the morning at practice, going to classes, coming here, and then either working out or going to practice again! You’re barely eating,” Iwaizumi cries. “I’m your roommate, your best friend, and I never see you anymore. Goddammit, I miss Tooru, okay?”

“I’m sorry, Hajime. I can’t just quit my job for you, though.”

“You don’t even like your job. It’s barely even related to your major.” That is true. Oikawa had changed majors several times - at one point he was a marketing major, but for his master’s he was going for communications. And, of course, Iwaizumi is right. He doesn’t like his job. It just paid well for a job with a fresh non-STEM bachelor’s degree.

Oikawa just shrugs.

Iwaizumi rolls closer to him, invading his personal space, and fiddles with the mouse on his computer. It’s open to a document, so he saves it and shuts down the computer. “We’re going home. And your laptop is staying here. You’re taking tomorrow off. We both are.”

“I can’t do that.”

“I don’t give a fuck. If your manager has a problem with it, they can deal with your very angry best friend,” Iwaizumi declares. His eyes are bright and angry as he stuffs his trash in his takeout bag. “Home. Let’s go.” He extends a hand.

“Bossy Iwa-chan,” Oikawa pouts, but there’s no malice behind it. 

There’s no energy for him to have any malice.

-

They make their way home not long after, and Iwaizumi forces Oikawa into bed, quoting something about “self-induced sleep deprivation” and “taking poor care of himself” and “going to collapse any second now.” To be one hundred percent fair, Iwaizumi is correct on all fronts, Oikawa admits. However, he’s fine. He’s dealt with way worse than this before.

Usually they watch shows out on the couch in the living room, but tonight Iwaizumi joins Oikawa in his bed, hip laptop resting on their thighs. Oikawa’s eyes are glazed over and he’s not really paying attention to the show that they’re watching, but Iwaizumi is warm under him and supports his weight on his shoulder.

As Oikawa’s eyelids start to droop around nine o’clock - the earliest he’s gotten to sleep in probably months - Iwaizumi pauses the episode they’re on and sets his laptop aside.

“Stay,” Oikawa murmurs. His sleep addled brain isn’t thinking, but he’s not willing to give up the warmth Iwaizumi is exuding, and that’s all he’s thinking about.

Iwaizumi is quiet for a moment, and Oikawa thinks he hears his heart rate increase. “...Okay. Let me get up and get changed quickly though, okay? I’ll come back.”

“Come back, Iwa-chan,” he mumbles as Iwaizumi man-handles him and moves out of the bed.

“I always do.”

-

Oikawa feels safe when he wakes.

His head is resting on Iwaizumi’s bare chest, and Iwaizumi’s arm is curled around him. Fondness blooms in his chest - he hadn’t expected him to stay the entire night, but he is still here, his face soft and content. After a glance at the clock on his bedside table, Oikawa sees that it’s just past nine in the morning. Twelve hours. That’s the most sleep I’ve gotten in half a year. 

He reaches for his phone, careful not to jostle Iwaizumi too much. Of course, he finds that he has several texts and emails. The first is from his supervisor.

Received, 08:15: Where are you?

Received, 08:19: Oikawa

Nervous, he quickly types out an apologetic response. He’s usually in the office by seven fifty.

Delivered, 08:57: i will not be in today

Delivered, 08:57: my best friend is forcing me to take a day off. i’ll make up all of my work tomorrow.

Received, 09:01: Please put in a time off request next time. 

Delivered, 09:02: yes sir

That’s one down. He sifts through the four emails waiting for him. Two of them are wanting project updates, one of them is out of network requesting info, and one of them is a morning update from an intern. He responds to the intern, thanking her for her work and telling her that he’ll be back tomorrow, and flags the project update requests to work on later. There are a few texts from some of his coworkers asking about him - he hasn’t missed a day of work in over a year - and one text from his mother asking how he is.

Received, 23:19: Hi Tooru, how are you? Iwaizumi-san said you’re working yourself really hard. Please take care of yourself and come visit soon. We miss you.

Delivered, 09:06: hajime is making me take the day off today. i’ll be okay.

Delivered, 09:06: i’ll try to come home soon

He’s about to answer one of the texts from his coworkers asking about a project when Iwaizumi sleepily plucks the phone out of his hand. 

“Mine.”

“Hajime,” he whines softly. “Can I have my phone back?”

“You’ve already been doing work this morning, haven’t you?” he yawns.

“Maybe.”

“Then the phone is mine.” Iwaizumi stretches and ruffles Oikawa’s hair. “Let’s make breakfast, okay?”

“You’re being so sweet to me, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa teases. “How cute!”

Iwaizumi freezes for a nearly imperceivable moment and flushes slightly. “I just care about my best friend’s health, alright?”

“Aww, Iwa-chan does care!” Oikawa’s running on false energy and fake bravado that he doesn’t usually use around Iwaizumi, but he doesn’t do anything to stop it.

“Of course I do,” he replies quietly, but his voice sounds sad. Oikawa’s heart clenches. Iwaizumi walks out of Oikawa’s room wearing only a pair of sweatpants and makes his way to the kitchen, expecting Oikawa to follow.

Oikawa hops onto the counter as Iwaizumi gathers the ingredients for pancakes. “What are we doing today?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Iwaizumi responds as he measures out some flour. “You’re going to rest your mind and body because fuck knows you need it.”

“We could invite over Makki and Mattsun,” Oikawa suggests.

“They’re both working,” Iwaizumi says, not looking up from the ingredients he’s whisking together. “Today is about you, not Makki and Mattsun.”

“Okay.”

Oikawa’s head feels weird, kinda fuzzy around the edges, like it might burst at any second. He considers that this might be the first time in a long while that he’s had more than a second to just sit and be alone with his thoughts. He tilts his head side to side and thinks to himself that he feels a little bit like a bobble head. That’s probably not good. But if he tells Iwaizumi, then that’ll lead to a lot of fussing, and -

“What are you thinking about?”

“My head feels weird?” It comes out as a question.

“Weird full or weird dizzy or weird sad or?” Iwaizumi looks up from where he’s pouring the batter in the pan.

“I think all three,” he admits. “It’s just a lot.” The honesty in that statement hits him like a sucker punch, and he wants to take it back, now Iwaiz -

“How can I help?”

“You’re already doing more than enough,” he says with a weak smile.

Iwaizumi walks over to where Oikawa is perched on the counter and gets into his personal space, looking deep into his eyes.

“H-Hajime -”

“Don’t hide things from me, Tooru,” he says lowly, eyes big and searching.

“What if I don’t know what I’m hiding?” Oikawa’s breathing is harsh, but he tries to conceal how his heart is hammering in his chest. What the fuck? It’s just Iwaizumi.

“Then tell me when you figure it out.” He pulls away and returns to the pan. 

Oikawa thinks he sees a light blush on Iwaizumi’s cheeks.

-

Later on in the day, they’re piled together on the couch as they play MarioKart. Oikawa is leaning most of his weight on Iwaizumi, and their legs are tangled together on the coffee table. A nearly-empty bottle of white wine and two glasses are sitting on the table. The visual scene is actually fairly serene, and both of them stay quite relaxed while playing. However - 

“You fucking shit!” 

“I’ve been betrayed, Iwa-chan!”

“You motherfucker!”

“HA! I won, Iwa-chan lost again!” 

Iwaizumi drops his controller on his lap and rubs his knuckles into Oikawa’s hair a little rougher than is necessary. “Yeah, Tooru, you did. What track next?”

“Rainbow Road?”

“No, I hate Rainbow Road,” Iwaizumi complains but navigates the cursor to it anyways.

“You just hate it because you can’t win,” Oikawa laughs. “Anyways, the track itself is pretty.”

“Of course you care about the aesthetics.”

Oikawa scoffs. “Rainbow Road is for the gays, Iwa-chan!”

…

Shit.

That had slipped out by accident. Oikawa’s heart rate increases and his eyes go big as he meets Iwaizumi’s equally wide gaze. “I mean -”

“You’re -” Iwaizumi starts. “Are you gay?” Iwaizumi asks, a cautious note to his voice.

Oikawa averts his eyes. This isn’t how he wanted this to go. Shit. Fuck. FUCK. “Uh -” he stammers. “Y-yeah.” He looks away in shame and sets his controller on the table, ready to leave and hide in his room for the rest of the day. 

“That’s fine,” Iwaizumi says simply. 

“You… you don’t think it’s weird?”

Iwaizumi scrunches up his face. “Nah. I’m bisexual, so it’s fine. I’d… uh, actually been wondering recently.”

“About what?”

“Your... preferences.”

“Oh.”

The silence is tense, as both men are scared to breathe, as if the moment will shatter.

“Can we play the game?”

“Gay Road, coming up,” Iwaizumi jokes, hoping to break the tension as he passes Oikawa his controller. 

Oikawa laughs, loud and full, hiding his face on Iwaizumi's shoulder. This feels right, he thinks.

Oikawa wins that race, as expected. Iwaizumi wins the two rounds after - Delfino Square and then Toad’s Factory. Oikawa whines about losing two in a row, so Iwaizumi picks Oikawa’s favorite track, DK Summit, which Oikawa then wins. 

They trade on and off with picking tracks for a while, each winning roughly the same amount. Oikawa makes some commentary about some of the tracks, his tongue loosened by the alcohol and after coming out.

Daisy Circuit: “It’s a lesbian undercover hookup.” “Explain?” “All the Luigi shit is a lie to distract from what’s really going on. Don’t be thick, Iwa-chan. Daisy is a lesbian and this track is about the race to a secret hookup with her lover.” “Of course it is.”

Moo Moo Meadows: “The cows are homophobic.” “Huh?” “I’m gay and they’re being mean to me. Thus, homophobic. Honestly, not that difficult of a concept. A fucking cow just dropped me four places!” “The audacity.” “Right?”

Mushroom Gorge: “Do you think Goombas are allies?” “Considering they’re working against us, no?” “Fucking assholes.”

Peach Gardens: “The continued saga of the lesbian hookup!” “How on earth?” “Look at all the traps Peach has put out for anyone who isn’t her lover! Only her lover is meant to get through, and fuck knows no Italian plumber is gonna be able to do that shit.” “You’re right, that’s exactly the story here.” “Glad you can see reason, Iwa-chan!”

Moonview Highway: “Who the fuck put eighteen wheelers on this track?” “Uh… the designers, I think.” “Not the point! I’m gay, I can’t drive! That’s why I play MarioKart, but these fucking trucks are making it too real! What the fuck!” “Maybe drunk gays shouldn’t drive, then. I’ll be happy to take the win.” “Not a chance, Iwa-chan! And I’m not drunk, I’m just well tipsy!” (Oikawa was a terrible real driver, so Iwaizumi always drove them everywhere)

Mario Circuit: “I -” “This is a classic, what could you possibly have to say about this track?” “Mario is a jealous, possessive fuck. Look at all these billboards.” “You’re one to talk.” “You love meeeeeee!” “Mhmm, I do.” 

They’re two-thirds finished with the second bottle of wine when Iwaizumi cuts them off with a laugh. “I think we’re done for tonight. We’re both playing terribly.”

Oikawa drapes himself over Iwaizumi dramatically. “But doesn’t that make it more fun?” He flashes a dazzling smile. Iwaizumi’s own soft smile falters for just a second, but then it’s back.

“Not when we’re both doing this badly. Let’s go to bed, Shittykawa.” 

“Will you sleep with me again?” Oikawa asks without thinking.

Iwaizumi freezes. “Okay.”

-

A few days later, Oikawa arrives back at the apartment after work around six o’clock - damn near a record, he thinks - but the apartment is empty. There’s no volleyball practice tonight, and Iwaizumi should have gotten out of work over an hour ago, so Oikawa is understandably concerned.

He tries to put his concern aside and attempts to make dinner for them. 

Iwaizumi walks through the door around eight o’clock, after the sun has set. “Hey.”

“Where were you?” he asks, offering a plate of food that’s now cold.

Iwaizumi accepts the food and goes to microwave it. He hesitates before answering. “I had some stuff on my mind, so I went for a drive.”

That sets off some red flags - Iwaizumi hasn’t gone driving in a long time, and he usually only goes driving when he’s feeling upset or overwhelmed.

“You want to talk about it?”

“I’ll be fine. I’m a big boy,” he jokes weakly. Oikawa notices that Iwaizumi’s dark circles have gotten worse, and his shoulders are hunched. To most people he’d probably look fine, but Oikawa can tell he’s a step away from being on the verge of tears.

“Please, Hajime, talk to me,” he begs. 

Iwaizumi ignores the beeping microwave in favor of petting Oikawa’s hair gently. “I’m not okay, but I’ll figure it out, okay?”

“Let me make it okay.”

Iwaizumi laughs weakly and moves to get his food. “You can’t do that. Trust me. This is all on me.”

“Do you want to sleep in my bed with me tonight? You seem to sleep better there,” Oikawa offers, a strange fluttering feeling in his chest.

“No,” Iwaizumi responds, a bit too quickly. “I - I’ll be fine. But thank you, Tooru. You’re the best friend I could ask for.” He takes a bite of the food and tries to hide a grimace. “But I’ll keep cooking. Thank you for dinner, though.”

Oikawa doesn’t push it any further. Iwaizumi goes to bed right after he finishes eating, leaving no room for any further conversation. 

Oikawa lays in bed for a while thinking about Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi has always told him whenever he’d be home late; he’s never just not sent him a text and come home that late. That was usually Oikawa’s move. And Iwaizumi had gone for a drive for all that time, which was another red flag. It’s been a few years since the last time Iwaizumi went driving, but Oikawa knows why he does. Iwaizumi had explained it at one time.

He’d said , “I dunno, I just find driving really relaxing. When I feel like everything in my life is really overwhelming and out of my control, when I’m driving, I’m in control of everything that happens to the car. It’s a bad thought, but I’m in control of whether or not I live or die when I’m behind the wheel. And when life’s getting to be overwhelming, I need to regain the control, I guess. There’s also the kind of melancholic euphoria is what I’d call it. It’s the feeling I get when I’m driving twenty-five above the speed limit on the freeway with the windows down, music loud, when I’m alone and sad and scared. Like, I’m going just fast enough to just barely scare myself into paying attention, and the wind and music are fun, and there’s a kind of melancholic overarching aura to the whole thing because I’m alone and sad in the first place. I don’t think it makes sense, but that’s why I drive when I’m overwhelmed and need to escape. I guess it’s self care.”

He thinks about the words and how they can apply to Iwaizumi now, but Iwaizumi hasn’t told him about anything going wrong or overwhelming him right now. Eventually, he gives up and succumbs to sleep.

Around midnight, just as Oikawa is on the verge of sleep, he hears Iwaizumi talking in his room. Confused, Oikawa pushes his covers back and treads over to the wall that separates their walls, and, indeed, Iwaizumi is talking, whether to himself or someone else. The words are muffled.

“Foolish… he’s not… And what if he thinks… Makki, I can’t… He doesn’t know. You know how… Yeah, uh huh. He’s been like this… it hurts. Hate seeing that… I don’t know how long I can do this… Running himself into… No, I… He’s too busy… just another burden on him… bullshit feelings… Fucking nine years, Makki, he doesn’t know… I’m hopeless… hurts… Whatever. Goodnight.”

Oikawa is still standing by the wall nearly three minutes later, trying to decipher what he’d heard, but none of the words are making sense together. Someone is hurting Iwaizumi, someone that means a lot to him, by the way Iwaizumi was talking. Iwaizumi hasn’t told him about anyone new, which means that he’s lying to Oikawa, a thought that makes his chest clench.

Whoever’s hurting Iwaizumi is going to regret the day they were born.

-

Oikawa regrets the day he was born.

Okay, maybe not that far back. Maybe just when he accepted his job from hell. That’s a bit better.

The following weeks pass in a blur of paperwork, emails, and assignments. He stops going to volleyball practice, which greatly upsets Iwaizumi and his coach, but he’s falling behind on both his work and his school work, so volleyball just doesn’t have a place in his life. Work has been getting worse as his supervisor adds more and more to his plate.

It’s the third night Oikawa spends overnight at the office that Iwaizumi demands he stand up to his supervisor and have some of his responsibilities taken off. Of course, Oikawa doesn’t, because he’s a loyal, dedicated corporate employee.

Iwaizumi has been a saint, and Oikawa thinks he probably couldn’t survive without his best friend. He makes sure that Oikawa eats at least one meal per day - a struggle, to say the least - and checks up on him multiple times per day to make sure he’s okay. Most nights, he’s still waiting up for him on the couch in the living room to ask how Oikawa’s day at work went, even if he doesn’t get home until eleven (usually Oikawa’s answer is “shitty but it’s whatever”). On Sundays - now Oikawa’s only “day off”, but he’s still on call - they usually stay in the apartment and watch movies together. Or, Oikawa naps on Iwaizumi’s lap while he watches a movie Oikawa chose.

As the weeks pass, Oikawa notices Iwaizumi’s energy depleting but doesn’t think much of it. 

They obviously haven’t had much time to talk, but Oikawa knows that Iwaizumi’s been taking more hours at his own job. Iwaizumi isn’t going for his masters like Oikawa, so he’s at an entry level position at an architectural firm.  Iwaizumi hasn’t talked about his own job in nearly a month, but last Oikawa heard, he enjoys it well enough. 

He can’t think of any reason why Iwaizumi might be getting tired. 

At least, not until he gets more information he probably wasn’t meant to have (it was an honest mistake, promise).

Oikawa gets home early one night, but the apartment is quiet. There’s a note on the kitchen table in Iwaizumi’s handwriting.

“If you get home before I get back, I’m out for a drive. I don’t have my phone on me. I’ll be home in a few hours. There’s some leftovers in the fridge. -Hajime” 

The line that keeps repeating in his mind is “I don’t have my phone.” 

Something’s very, very wrong with Iwa-chan. 

The last time Iwaizumi went on a drive without his phone was during their first year of university, and it was probably the darkest time of his entire life. He only does that when he feels so out of control that he just wants to scare himself and disappear.

What’s happened that he’s not telling me? 

Oikawa’s heart races and his breathing quickens as he dials picks a contact in his phone and presses call. Pick up pick up pick up. 

“Yo.”

“Makki,” he all but croaks.

Hanamaki falters on the other end of the line, clearly picking up on Oikawa’s distress. “O-okay, uh, what’s up, Oikawa?”

“What’s wrong with Iwa-chan?”

“What do you mean?” there’s a certain tone to Makki’s voice that Oikawa picks up on. He knows something.

“He’s been driving again, Makki. He hasn’t done that in years. And I got home early, and he went out without his phone,” Oikawa says quickly. He feels like he’s overreacting, but, if he knows his best friend, Iwaizumi doesn’t get upset easily. This has been building for a long time. “He hasn’t done that in years. What happened?”

“I…” Makki pauses. “Fuck, Iwaizumi,” he swears to himself. “I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?” Oikawa screeches.

“First, ouch, mind your voice. Second, I made a promise not to tell you,” he says. The emphasis is clear. “I won’t betray Iwaizumi’s trust, but I’m worried about him. It’s been eating him up.”

“Why me specifically?”

“It’s about you, Oikawa.”

And his world comes crashing down.

“What… what do you mean?” he asks weakly. His voice is faint and his throat feels like it’s closing up as he backs up and falls onto the couch before his legs give way.

Makki sighs. “You don’t realize how much that man cares for you. It’s going to kill him. He might’ve reached his breaking point. He’s been watching you tear yourself apart and it’s hurting him.”

“What?” 

“Honestly, can you not say anything else?” Makki jokes. “I’m not going to say more, though. You need to talk to him about it.”

“I… I don’t understand,” Oikawa whispers, voice cracking.

“Shit,” he swears. “Don’t cry okay? He’ll be home soon enough, and you guys can talk about it.”

“Fuck, Makki,” he rasps. 

At that moment, he hears a key in the door lock, prompting him to hang up the phone without even saying goodbye. He doesn’t even wipe away the tear tracks on his cheeks. The door swings open carefully, revealing a very dejected-looking Iwaizumi.

Oikawa supposes that this is what all these weeks have been leading up to. Iwaizumi’s back is hunched, his eye bags are abysmal, his spiky hair is even messier than usual, and his facial expression is barely holding it together. He’s wearing sweatpants and an old practice t-shirt. Iwaizumi doesn’t acknowledge Oikawa as he drags his feet into the kitchen and drops his keys. He crumples up the note he’d left and sighs deeply before running a hand through his hair.

Something is very, very wrong with Iwa-chan. 

“Hajime?” he says quietly.

“Fuck!” Iwaizumi jumps violently and whips towards where Oikawa is sitting on the couch. “How long have you been there?”

“I’ve been home for like half an hour.”

Their eyes lock and realization dawns in Iwaizumi’s eyes. “I -”

“Hajime, we need to talk,” he says and nods towards the seat next to him.

“Uh - yeah,” Iwaizumi agrees, albeit somewhat reluctantly. “Have you been crying?”

“We’re not talking about me, we’re talking about you,” Oikawa says, haphazardly wiping at his cheeks. “Something’s wrong. What is it?”

“I’ll be fi -”

“Don’t pull that bullshit with me. You haven’t gone driving without your phone since the last time you were suicidal. Cut the shit, Hajime, and talk,” he snaps, eyes fiery. “You’ve never kept anything from me,” he continues, voice softer. “So why now?”

Iwaizumi pointedly doesn’t look at Oikawa, but thankfully doesn’t dance around the topic. He sighs. “I care a lot about you, Tooru.”

“Mhmm.”

“Like, it might kill me, how much I care about you,” he says cautiously. “And recently, you’ve been working yourself so hard, it’s been hurting you. And seeing you in such bad shape and knowing there’s nothing I can do to help except try to make sure you don’t die of starvation… It’s been killing me. I can’t stand to see you hurting.”

“But I haven’t been hurting,” Oikawa argues.

“Have you looked in a mirror lately?”

“Point taken, but I don’t understand why it’s so bad.”

“Fucking idiot, I’m in love with you,” Iwaizumi growls, but there’s no true bite. “Have been for like nine years or some bullshit. You own my heart, Tooru. You could throw it fucking whereever, and that’s where it would go, whether you’re aware of it or not. So, I mean, it’s bad enough to watch your best friend work himself into the ground and not be able to help it. But I’ve been trying my damndest to not let this goddamn crush get in the way of our friendship for so fucking long while still taking care of you because fuck knows you need it. You’re a fucking piece of work, you know that, right? But I can’t bear to lose you, Tooru, and you’ve never implied you want anything more, and we’ve always been friends, so… Uh secrets it is for me, I guess.”

Oikawa meets his eyes. “Fuck, Hajime. Fuck.” 

Conflicted doesn’t begin to describe Oikawa at this moment in time. He’d be lying if he said he’d never thought about Iwaizumi in a romantic context before - on the contrary, it actually came to the forefront of his mind mildly frequently. Like, for example, how much he likes waking up in Iwaizumi’s arms, or how much he likes cuddling while they watch movies or while he naps on Sundays. Or, how they go out on what could be considered dates already. Before Oikawa’s job got insane, they’d go to dinner just the two of them at least once a week and spent tons of time together. An outsider would probably think they were boyfriends, he supposes. But on the flip side, dating friends is a double-edged sword. The possibility of ruining the friendship is very, very real, and is very, very, very scary. However -

“Jesus, Tooru, please say or do something else before I combust,” Iwaizumi begs, balling his fists in the hem of his t-shirt.

“How about this?” Oikawa asks before leaning in and pressing their lips together gently. Oh, and it is wonderful. Iwaizumi inhales sharply and kisses back more firmly, reaching up to cup Oikawa’s face with one hand. He tugs lightly on soft brown curls and runs his tongue along Oikawa’s lower lip, a small noise escaping his throat when Oikawa’s lips open for his tongue to slip through. The movements aren’t rushed or feverish. Everything is slow and sweet, just an exploration, as they pull each other closer, Oikawa eventually ending up on Iwaizumi’s lap.

Iwaizumi pulls back wetly. “Uh -” he starts. “Y-yeah, that works.”

“Iwa-chan, will you be my boyfriend?” Oikawa asks, heart pounding.

“Of course.”

-

Delivered, 21:33: hey makki it kinda worked out

Received, 21:34: Good. Deal with your own shit.

Received, 21:34: Happy for you guys

-

15 March, 15:45

To: Social Division Management

From: Oikawa Tooru

Subject: Project Division

Hello,

In light of some changes in my personal life and reasonable workload, I’m putting in a formal request to lessen my workload. Over the past six or so months, I’ve been putting in a massive number of hours in order to compensate for the workload for which I have been assigned. This was possible for a short term, but is no longer a possibility for me. In addition, it is not in my job description to be working overnight, over 40 hours, or past eight PM for general duties. My request is to either lessen my personal load or to have 3+ more interns assigned to my department exclusively. 

Thank you, 

Oikawa Tooru

Marketing Supervisor, Social Division

16 March, 10:13

To: Oikawa Tooru

From: Social Division Management

Subject: Re: Project Division

Oikawa,

We will work with upper management on finding a solution.

Social Division Management

-

[Time Request Off]

21 March

22 March

23 March

24 March

25 March

- APPROVED, SEE NOTE -

Note: Approved

-

“This is the first true vacation you’ve had since you started this job?”

“Yeah,” Oikawa replies, leaning into his boyfriend. The train rumbles underfoot. “Thank you for everything.”

“Thank you,” Iwaizumi whispers, punctuating each word with a gentle kiss to the tip of Oikawa’s nose.

“Dork,” Oikawa laughs, burying his head in Iwaizumi’s shoulder.

“A dork you love though, right?” Iwaizumi teases as he drops his head on top of Oikawa.

“Always.”

[whatupwiththelists]

List Christmas Letter 2015

Hello Family & Friends,

If you’re reading this letter, congratulations! You’ve made our “B” group! Nice work! The people who made our “A” group have a much nicer letter in my opinion, but this one is OK too. If you’re curious as to how to qualify for the “A” group next year, it’s simple. We select a name and then ask Sophie to choose a number between 1 and 10. Jayden will answer for her which will make her upset so she’ll start to cry. Cadence will try to comfort her, and then some other stuff will happen. Then some more stuff and it usually ends up with everyone hitting daddy. At this point I’m grumpy so you’re in the “B” group, so deal with it.

Again, it’s been an eventful year and we are again in good health and spirits. Lucy is still working at Telus as part of the Koodo team and enjoying herself. She was working as a contractor, and was recently offered Full Time which apparently is pretty rare since most Telus workers are contractors. Working with a younger team is really good training for better understanding of words and slang that our kids will probably start using in a few years. She seems to be having fun which is great. Having her job for almost 2 years, she’s now the “steady” one.

I on the other hand, have a new job… again :) I left Sysomos in November to work for a start up company called VarageSale as a Product Manager. Same job, different place. They develop a product (website & app) similar to Kijiji or Craigslist that you can buy and sell items. Their advantage is that they focus on creating a sense of community and safety. Users need to be “accepted” into the community through an approval process and they have community administrators who monitor those communities. The office is still downtown. A little further commute than the Telus building, but it has it’s perks. We have a large metal bull, a pool table, ping pong table, lots of free food, beer fridge and some really amazing people that create a truly fantastic culture. I’m pretty happy to be a part of that.

On the side, I’m also developing a product in my spare time called Me in a Nutshell (meinanutshell.com is where it will live soon). The idea is that you hook up all of your social media accounts to it, move stuff around and choose colours etc to your liking. We’re looking to do a BETA launch early next year. If you’re interested in taking a look please let me know (I’d love to get more feedback).

What’s up with the kids you ask? Oh right… them…

Well, Sophie turned 3 this year and is still a little nutcase. She was terrible at 2 and SURPRISE! She’s still terrible and I still blame Lucy. She learned to push the pedals on her tricycle this past summer which made me really proud. She loves playing with her dolls and is very particular about what she wears. Sophie has also earned the title of champion grunter and generally making angry sounds when she’s grumpy (which is most mornings). These sounds are typically directed toward me, especially when I have any form of physical contact with her mother. Hugging Lucy = high severity grunt and usually a few bruises while she acts as a human crowbar to wedge us apart. If any of you are interested in a brand new, mostly natural form of birth control please come see me.

Cadence is our little gymnast. She’s constantly doing cartwheels or handstands and generally flipping one way or the other all over the house. A few months back she started in the competitive program, so she’s spending some more time in class. The only major drawback is that sometimes Lucy sees her doing something and thinks she should try. No Lucy, it’s really not a good idea. Cadence is our little superstar when it comes to school. She loves going to school, and is quite the girly girl. Hard to believe she’s turning 7 in a couple of days! She’s still very much into crafts and loves to draw just like mom and dad.

Jayden is doing really well. He’s doing much better at school this year and has made Lucy and I even more proud. He loves gym, music, math and science and it’s been really great seeing him come back with excellent test scores. Jayden has continued to take piano lessons. Lucy is still amazed at how quick he’s able to pick it up and hear the notes. He had his first recital this year, which he was pretty proud of. He played a few songs he’s learned and even one he made up himself. Jayden had a great summer riding his scooter and being a 9 year old boy (attacking anything and everything with anything and everything that remotely resembles a sword/knife/bow & arrow or pick axe).

Last year we got Jayden tested. As it turns out he has ADHD and a learning disability. We learned that he’s been working at a 30% level because of his disability, when his potential is in the mid 90s. This school year has been much better. Now that he’s diagnosed, the school is able to be a little more supportive and we are more equipped to better understand his needs. He’s a visual person and learns through seeing and doing. His struggles are focusing on a task that he doesn’t understand or relate to. He’s not so good with words, but better with numbers and shapes. Much like me.

Lucy and I are very blessed to have three truly amazing little Lists.

(that’s Sophie’s grunting face :)

We also got a new nanny this year. Cathy. She has been amazing. She actually helps out other families in the neighbourhood and is also the lunch monitor at the kid’s school. She picks up the kids at school, supervises homework and gets dinner ready for them. Since she’s come into our lives, the kids are now able to get back into their after school programs (karate and gymnastics) Cathy has been a real help with Jayden. We owe his great test scores to her. She’s extremely patient with the kids, and definitely helps us in many ways. Kids are usually fed, with their chores and homework done before we get home. Which relieves a lot of stress from us since Lucy and I are still both working downtown.

For Lucy and I, life still goes on. I managed to stay healthy this year but didn’t have as many personal bests this year as last. I might run a half marathon next year and I’ll probably bike a little more, but nothing too out of the ordinary. I find that between work, side work, and the kids, I don’t have a lot of time to do much else :) I’m not complaining tho! Ok, maybe just a little.

Lucy had a big year running. She signed up for her first 10K race in March through her work and had 2 months to train for it. Having never run a 5K before she was a little apprehensive, but she did it. After that she signed up for a 15K in June and then this fall she ran her first half marathon in San Francisco and did it in a great time (2’07”). I think her true motivation was the Tiffany necklace they got at the finish line. All in all a great running year for someone who tells me constantly that she hates running. I would point out the conflict to her, but I often fear for my own personal safety so prefer not to talk to her or look her directly in the eyes.

This summer we had new neighbours move in right next door who also have 3 kids around a similar age. SCORE! Jayden and Cadence can often be found hanging around with Ethan and Melody. The neighbour's house is also pretty extraordinarily large, so hide and go seek is amazing over there. A great addition to our already amazing street!

We attended one of our first Canada day street celebrations this year which was a lot of fun. They closed down our street and held a street party on Canada Day. Lots of food, fun and friends. We say this every year, but we are extremely fortunate to be living in a neighbourhood where we can feel safe about our kids running in and out of houses and up and down the streets. This is where I would normally talk about our great neighbours and friends but I don’t think I can top what we said last year. So instead, I will quote it.

It’s hard to believe that 8 9 years ago, we moved into this new town. We’ve made so many great friends. Some have come and gone, but we are always very thankful for the friends we’ve made here, and have come to love. Our neighbourhood, and neighbours are one of a kind. Always willing to lend a helping hand at the drop of a hat. The kind of people you’d want to surround your life with, and that you’d want to raise your family around. For this we are grateful.

…end quote.

It’s been another great year filled with love, laughs, excitement and new beginnings. I hope this letter has given you a little chuckle and filled you up with cheer.

much love & holiday wishes.

word.

The Lists

[ythmir-writes]

it’s probably been done but lemme just add to it so here we go

SUITORS AND sort ofmaybe HELPING YOU STUDY

right.

Leo Crawford - being an actual, living and breathing encyclopedia, Leo is the person you want for objective type questions. Great help when it comes to last minute tips since he can give answers to random questions popping in your head. Probably can win gameshows back to back but doesn’t want the publicity. Can’t remember the distance to the sun? When exactly was it that Carthage got burned? That very specific provision of the tax law regarding exemptions given to corporations employing people with disabilities? He knows it all, and then some. Helps you make flashcards for better memory skills. THE PERSON YOU WANT TO STAY UP LATE WITH because srsly Leo get some sleep. The person everyone goes to after exams so he makes it a point to finish early and escape. Don’t ask how he remembers so much information in his head; he’ll quiz you and you might get distracted because with every wrong answer, you owe him a kiss 

Louis Howard - best study buddy ever because he calms down your nerves. You see him poring over the materials and all you can think of is that must be how gods look at sacred texts. That, and whenever you can’t understand something he explains it in a way that makes it easily understandable (or is it because of his voice?) Motivates you always to give 100 percent in everything because his very existence is inspiring. Almost always ready to go with you to a cafe to study. Avoids the library like the plague (because too many students) Sends you motivational quotes over social media. Probably snacks on healthy food and gives you some because they say it helps. Unfortunately, HE IS NOT the one you want to sit next to when it’s actually exams. Chiller than the airconditioning that’s making you sweat. Doesn’t even sweat even when answering ridiculously long math questions. Amazing.

Sid - He’s almost always in your face but conveniently disappears whenever you’re in study mode. As a matter of fact, almost completely leaves you alone whenever you’re at your desk, except to check on you that you aren’t forgetting to eat or drink or relax. Actually quite nurturing when hell week is just around the corner. Makes a wicked cocktail that he swears doesn’t contain uppers but you’re very very focused after a good night sleep. Very prone to placing random snacks on your table which may also contain random sample questions to help you prepare. Scoffs at you when you feel down because you haven’t finished reviewing - and the next day suddenly a summary of important points is at your table waiting to be read. ABSOLUTELY THE PERSON you want to approach if you want materials - whatever those materials may be: annotated notes from last year’s valedictorian, powerpoint presentations from a professor who doesn’t want his laptop touched, sample exams and suggested answers dating back to 20 years ago, that one book your professor swears by but has gotten out of print? He’s got you covered. 

Giles Christophe - Probably will scold you a bit for not sticking to a study schedule but will help you cram (not recommended). Even in this AU, it is very much discouraged to have him help you cram because you feel like your brain is going to explode with the info overload. BUT has notes for everything. Everything. The entire textbook has been annotated by him. IT IS A MESS tho. No sentence was left unhighlighted. Even has notes of his own notes. Has notes of other people’s notes. Has notes for professor’s notes even, with scribbled emojis and recommendations on how to improve them. Gives you very good sample questions that feel like they’ve been plucked straight from national exams. The kind of well-crafted questions that you hate because it took you 30 mins to answer each bloody hypothetical problem, but will be grateful for because it was a really good question and it appeared in the exams - whaaaaa? YES GILES HAS 90% ACCURACY at predicting questions it’s infuriating and also super helpful for practice tests. Sometimes you wonder how he’s able to do it. Has an annoying (but super convenient)  way of knowing exactly what the teacher wants to read on the essay questions since he gets near perfect points for everything and he didn’t even get the answer right and you kindofhateithimforit. 

Byron Wagner - study? what study? Or rather, when is Byron bloody Wagner not studying?? What we call study is actually leisure for him - have you seen him do anything except read and stare at the stars communicating with the Elder GOds? NOPE. The person you want to stick with at the VERY BEGINNING OF THE SEMESTER because his work ethic will put you to shame. The kind of student you wished you were, which helps you get motivated and also maybe partially depressed; because can he please tone down on the prodigy aura? And what do you mean you didn’t even highlight your books?? Engages in long hours of discussion with Leo about certain topics; probably tag-teams with Leo and Giles to debate with professors too. Has a certain knack of breaking down difficult theories into bite-sized chewable paragraphs. That, and he never shoves it in your face that you should do better (take a hint, Giles) Srsly. Stick with him to the very bitter end. Will splurge and treat you when you show him how much you’ve improved. Will still splurge even if you didn’t. Byron is happy you’re trying and believes all effort will bear fruit.

Nico Meier - very very very enthusiastic when you declared that it’s start of hellweek and you need to get down and dirty. Did not actually get the memo that you meant down and dirty with academics. Was very confused when you showed up in PJs with stacks of papers you ordered from Sid. Is constantly hovering to tell you you need to take a break. Always volunteers to make you tea and snacks. Helps you shopping for stationery, pens, sticky-notes - all the ammunition you need for studying because he knows all the sweet spots: thrift stores, quaint coffeeshops to spend 12 hours in, 24 hour hobbyshops that get quiet past midnight so you can hole up in a room without a bed. Very very very helpful in everything sans the actual studying because he’s actually a very loud learner: memorizes things out loud, has hilarious/scandalous mnemonics for every goddamn enumeration there is, listens to recorded lectures without moving a muscle; sends you memes in the middle of the night about how time will pass but WILL YOU??? You study with him and you’ll end up laughing how he comes up with all the fun. It’s hellweek, you should be crying but Nico just knows how to cheer you up to your core. 

Albert Bruckhardt - went to seminars on how to curate schedules and has an ENTIRE MASTERPLAN dedicated to helping you ace the exam. Ohboy, get ready to have your entire life study schedule re-arranged for the sake of the coveted passing grades. Leaves you wondering how little you know of time management and your own schedule. Is very strict during study sessions, and knows you have a soft spot when he smiles and uses it against you thesneakylittle . HAS APPS FOR EVERYTHING. AN EMBODIMENT OF what is good in studyblr community. Doesn’t take it too seriously if it took you extra hours before being able to finish a review? No problemo, Al’s already got a plan B. And C. And D. Seriously, this man can run a multi-billion corporation on his own.  You learn the meaning of preparation, and he’s living the lifestyle. After the exams, you feel like you’ve fundamentally changed as a person godbless

Robert Branche - heavensent because he’s tutored you before and knows your strengths and weakness. That, and his part-time job as a tutor has helped honed his teaching skills to an art form. Whenever he’s tutoring you, you feel like you’ve just enrolled in another academy all of a sudden. Patient. Kind. Understanding. Knows how to push you without pushing too hard because he knows you’ve already got enough on your plate and just wants to be supportive. Leaves random handwritten messages in your notes to help you smile. Somehow knows whenever you’re in a slump and listens as you rant AND GIVES YOU good advice too. Makes sure none of the younger boys interrupt or get in your way when you’re on study-mode. ACTUALLY ADMITS things when he doesn’t know them and makes it a point that both of you learn together but those instances are far and few in-between. You know Robert is on the top of his class but the question is, you’ve never actually seen Robert hit the books since he’s almost always at the art club. HOW????? 

Alyn Crawford - the only sane person in the entire world whom you feel like you connect with because both of you are normal compared to the eight other men. He’s got acads troubles just like you do - I mean it’s not because he’s more inclined to home economics or because he’s not as smart but it’s just that he cannot be bothered. HAS A SURPRISING LAZY SIDE when it comes to acads. He’s like your comrade and the academics are the Enemy. STILL VERY SUPPORTIVE. Will listen to you ramble because he knows you learn better when you try to explain things to other people - and please he’d really rather you explain it to him than to anyone else. Loves cooking for you whenever both of you are up for a long night. Loves cooking for you, just because. His coffee is not as good as his twin’s but hey, it’ll do and seriously, with the two of you throwing questions at each other, staying awake is the least of your worries. Like his twin, Alyn loves contests and that’s what makes studying with him unique. For every wrong answer, a household chore is gonna fall on your shoulders. That or a set of push-ups or shooting hoops. Because physical activity helps memory?? PLEASE. You’re skeptical but Alyn isn’t backing down and hubris isn’t letting you back away either. 60% of the time both of you are goofing off and Leo and Louis act as referees, shouting sample questions from Sid and Giles at the sidelines; until Giles calls all of you over because guys, you’re not getting any studying done. AT ALL.

[thecreativityofthinking]

Novel Information

Title: Anna and The French Kiss

Author: Stephanie Perkins

Published: 2014

Publisher: USBORNE

Total Pages: 400 pages

Languages: English

Praise for Anna and The French Kiss

“Smart dialogue, fresh characters and plenty of tingly interactions….. Sarah Dessen fans will welcome another author who gracefully combines loves and realism.” - KIRKUS REVIEWS, starred review.

“Tantalizing pacing, sparkling repartee, vibrant supporting characters…” - GAYLE FORMAN, best selling author If I Stay and Where She Went.

“Anna and The French Kiss charms [readers] with its Parisian setting and a tres bien boy.” - MTV.com

“From the magical streets of Paris to it’s charming narrator, Anna and the French Kiss has it all. A wonderful winning book!” - ROBIN BENWAY, author of Audret, Wait!

“Anna’s richness of character and clever turns of phrase will endear her to any reader.” - ROMANTIC TIMES BOOK REVIEWS

“Magical…really captures the feeling of being in love” - CASSANDRA CLARE, author of The Mortal Instruments series.

“Very Sly. very funny. very romantic. You should date this book.” - MAUREEN JOHNSON

First Impression

At first, i pick this book because the setting is in Paris. Oh what a beautiful! And the color of this book is so interesting. And then i read the synopsis. But the synopsis is not good because the word that has been written were not make interest on me. I bought the trilogy as well and i’m going to read the next one. Because i have already read the 1st one. Here’s the synopsis of this book

Review

Point of view: Anna’s (1st person)

Page 17 the first time she met St. Clair whoever he is i still confused with the plot, the character and everything. Who is Seany? Who is Josh and who are everybody. Perhaps i should keep reading tho.

Page 27 Josh is funny guy i suppose at first. Because he told Anna about love language which is food in France. He is a man who love food more than he love himself (still wondering). It explain it when he said “You’ll learn….”

The english boy who accidentaly hit Anna is from London. He is nice guy and try to avoid a starkling cutie girl in her school politely. Do you know how this cute boy avoid her? Read that on page 28

St. Calir ask Anna to go out with him because his plan with Ellie (his girlfriend) has been canceled. And on the way they walk around Paris. It’s impress me much. Because i’ve never been in Paris but i hope i will soon! I’m so amaze with the whole history & explanation Paris by Stephanie Perkins in chapter 8. And the best line for it is “Welcome to Paris Anna, i’m glad you’ve come.”

The moment when i know that St. Clair starting to has some feeling for Anna is when i finish read chapter 9. It’s only the beginning, i don’t know how it end yet. Page 111 said that too! “I want Anna on my team….”. I know something inside him has feeling for Anna! It has prove again when he ask Anna about Toph! And how stephanie decribe it is too smooth and shy, you can read that on page 128! St. Clair get jealous when Dave ask Anna to go on movie night with him. It shown on page 137-140. And somehow St. Clair & Ellie fighting each other the other night explain everything! If you know what i mean.

St.Clair finally get drunk and told everything he feel to Anna. Even tough he is drunk but is that drunk people always tell the truth? And my assuming was right! He has feeling to Anna. See it on page 155 - 156. After he get sober, he ask Anna everything he said last night but Anna didn’t tell the truth even he try to commit that he still sober when he said those words. See it on page 166 - 167.

I like when St. Clair’s friends always be there for him. Such as when he get sober Ellie, Mer, and Rashmi come. And when in his school has gossip about him, they always be there for him. And they said the wont talk abou it if he doesn’t want to talk about it. Page 163.

It brokes my heart too when u know about St. Clair’s father and shat he’s done to him. And how it effected to his grades. His mom has cancer and she need him to be there, she need their both. But his father such a monster i guess because he treat him like a dick. That little explanation you can read on page 17.

On chapter 18 it explain how St. Clair pretty quiet when Anna told the truth about how she concern about him. Even he’s broken, he still listen to Anna whatever she said and he do anything she told. I has feeling that something grown between them.

The part when they spend their day at Thanksgiving was incredible. The cuddle, the movie even the caught by Nate that i didn’t imagine before. But after thanksgiving, there’s something happened between Anna & St. Clair. They fight and then they don’t. I don’t even think what’s on his mind but i think he feel he has to choose between Anna & Ellie and he confused about that. Oh what a part!

I even can feel how’s Anna feel when she heard that Toph & Bridget are couple! it brokes my heart too. She knew when she saw her 1st performance at Bowling

Alley. Even Matt (her ex-boyfriend) and his new girlfriend (Cherrie) know how to calm her down. And i feel in touch for St.Clair when he and Anna talked 9n the phone and Anna told him everything. The best part of all was when Matt said those beautiful words, the truth about Toph that she didn’t know. And i love him because he such a good friend for ex. The best part i was talking about is on page 254-255

Sean is such a cute little brother. When Anna arrived at Atlanta for Christmas and she want to give him Star Wars action figure he refuses because Bridget have already gave him one. But after he knew that Bridget such a dick and always make his sister cry, he hates her and he want an acton figure from Anna. He even ask her nicely. Oh sean, all you can read about these on page 268. And another cute part was when Sean pick up a call from St. Clair and gave it to Anna. He flirt Anna about her new-boyfriend even they aren’t!

I’m glad Anna have Rashmi, Josh, Mer and St. Clair on her birthday. And i will happy if i got those gang around and be one of them haha lol. The things get more complicated after Anna get drunk and dance with Etienne St. Clair and Ellie’s roommate know about that and definitely tell her about it. Etienne get mad and confused and things got weird and complicated when Anna told the question over to Etienne about why they didn’t broke up already? All of that things youcan found it on chapter 34. When Anna already sobber, Rashmi tell everything to her and they became such a good friend already.And the truth about why Etienne didn’t want to broke up with Ellie was explained on chapter 35. It hurts me when Anna call his first name because she likes him and she call his last name when he hates him. Oh stephanie perkins you ruin my day already!

There is a time when Annq want revenge to Ettiene and he picked Dave from all of those cute boys in School Of America Parisian (SOAP). Dave and Anna get quiz and they get kicked out because they’ve caught cheating. They spent their time on school park or whatever and Dave kiss her! Holly crap! St. Clair found and separate them already. But that’s not the best part yet. When Dave invite Anna to come ove to his house they almost made out but Anna run and she cry over while get into her dorm. She met Ettiene and this is the best part. I cant said it out loud, you should read it on your own on page 326.

This story is going to be complicated + awesome at one! Finally i got the part Etienne and Anna kissing but got caught by Rashmi, Josh and Mer. After that incident Mer told the truth about Etienne whose always get back to Ellie as always if something bad happen. You can read that on page 343. And i like when Anna broke Amanda’s nose HAHA. But she get Detention after that. The story going well and i love the plot, i love how stephanie describe it to us! Even Stephanie describe how Paris’s look like on different weather! I’m so glad i read this book! But the ending was not good as much as i expected but the words is good (Because i was right. For the two of us, home isn’t a place. It’s a person. And we’re finally home.).

At last, i loved this book because:

1. Paris (the place that i wanted to go! But Stephanie already made me go in there. Because she explained Paris better and i feel like i’ve been there. Thx to her)

3. Anna, Mer, Josh, Etienne, and Rashmi friendship grown time by time.

4. The trouble & Detention Anna get was explain that all of us got some trouble in our life even the trouble was not hard enough as we had

5. Anna’s feeling (most of all)

6. Etienne action (Because based on my friend experience, her boyfriend almost like Etienne. He always came back to her whenever he got trouble and some mistake he made)

7. Spoiler about Isla! Because Isla came out on some chapter!

8. The best quote from this book is from Meredith “But what? You love him and you live in the most romantic city in the world.” Page 371.

Have a nice day! Thank you for reading.