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f0rever15elf · 4 years ago

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Twin Souls

Summary: Soulmates. Twin souls. They’re the stuff of legends, right? They aren’t real...Or are they? And if they are...can they really span universes?

Pairing: Pero/Whiskey/Oberyn/Din/Max/Maxwell/Dave/Catfish/Marcus/Ezra x fem!Reader (yes, ALL of those Pedro boys are in this fic at some point. I’m overly indulgent) Rating: M Warning: Harsh language, sexual innuendo, death mentions, violence, injured reader, a little bit of angst (for the spice), way too many pedro characters in one fic, no beta reading. Soulmates!AU Word count: 9,649 (lord help me)

a/n: This was inspired by a post that literally just mentioned our favorite soulmate trope that through any universe, two souls will find one another and I just think that’s really beautiful and NEEDED TO GET IT OUT OF MY BRAIN. So I hope you enjoy this!

Masterlist | Ao3

Twin Souls. Mirror souls. Soulmates. Twin flames. Almost every culture has their own rendition of this idea that each of us has another half that we are created with and separated from before we come into this life. Someone we are destined to find as surely as the river finds the sea. Some legends claim it was that we all originate with four arms, four legs, two heads, and one soul that shone brighter than the brightest of stars in the sky, and this drew jealousy from the gods who then wrent us in two. For others, it is destiny calling two individuals together, the universe declaring that two must become one. And even simpler still, some believe that it is no more than a chemical attraction. Something purely physical, biological, and nothing more. A perfect mate.

But what if?

What if it was more than that. So much more. What if two souls were always destined to find one another? Across time and space and universes? What if...

Lightning cracks the sky, momentarily illuminating the face of the man on horseback. His scowl, as always, is firmly in place, his brow creased in a mix of irritation and exasperation. The rain has his dark, curled hair slicked down against his skull and his tunic under his armor is soaked through, drawing the warmth rapidly from his skin. He had told William they should make camp, that the smell of rain on the wind meant for foul weather, and soon, but William had ignored the grumpy Spaniard, electing to press on. Not twenty minutes later, the heavens opened, drenching the small caravan as they continued on. William rode silently in front of Pero, and he could feel the glare from his companion boring holes into the back of his head. If looks could kill, he would be dead several times over.

"I see lights ahead!" Calls the lookout from up ahead, and a satisfied chatter rolls through the group of sellswords. Pero lifts his chin only slightly to look ahead, jaw clenched, eyes alert. He had seen enough in his days selling his sword to know what to look for, and a small village in the middle of nowhere was always a gamble.

As the small group rides up to the edge of the village, a few of the village's men wait to greet them, lanterns out to welcome them to the town. The group of sellswords dismount as William goes to speak with the man Pero can only assume is the village leader. After a few words, William turns with a smile, moving through the group to tell them they would be making camp here tonight, bunking with members of the small community. The welcoming committee leads each man off to a different house, and had it not been for the rain still steadily downpouring, a dull chatter would have filled the air as the guests were welcomed with more hospitality than many of them were used to.

"And you, my friend, will be staying with us!" The village leader approaches Pero with a smile. "Come, my daughter will help to get you dry. This cold will seep to your bones and you will fall ill. Come. Come." The friendly elder makes his way to a small, comfortable hut, a warm fire blazing in the center. The crackling of the logs is a welcome sound to Pero's ears, and the smell of something savory fills his nostrils. The men had been living on rations for days, and Pero Tovar was sick of the hardtack and salt pork he carried with him. The elder introduces him to his family; a wife, a young son, and you, his only daughter. As soon as his eyes land on you, Pero feels a warm sensation spread through his stomach, one he had never felt before, and he finds it difficult to tear his eyes from yours as the man of the house begins speaking again, telling him that their house is his for the night. He manages to utter out a word of gratitude before you approach him, taking his hand to lead him to get cleaned up.

"It is not often our village has visitors," you murmur softly as you help him to doff his armor. "Most pass us by without so much as a second glance." Your smile causes that heat in his stomach to spread upwards through his chest, and up his neck. Such a foreign feeling... "Perhaps it is fate that brought you here, to us. I must thank fate, if that is the case, for bringing such a handsome man to my home." You laugh softly and it is a sweeter sound than any music the Spaniard has ever heard, light and gentle as the bluebird's song on the spring breeze. Pero's heart throbs in his chest at the sound.

"Sí, señorita. A thanks to fate for bringing me here." His eyes never leave your face and the tips of your ears turn red from the attention. His gaze was steady, with a hard edge of a man who had seen too much. After finishing doffing his armor, you help to ease him out of his wet tunic, and your heart stutters in your chest. Your gaze drifts from his torso back to his face, and your hand moves as if with a mind of its own, lifting to rest on his face. The soft pads of your fingers gently trace the scar over his eye. There was...something so familiar about him, but you had no idea what it was. Like you had seen this man before, someone who was him...yet not him. The thought confused you and you shook it from your head. That was impossible.

---

Your eyes snap open from the strange dream and you sit up in bed, rubbing your face. A man who looked so much like your Jack had been haunting your dreams for days now, and you had absolutely no idea what it could mean. Jack stirs beside you, letting out a soft groan as he stretches.

"Darlin'? You alright? It's awful early for you to be up." He glances over at the clock on the nightstand. 3:30 am, early was an understatement. His hand finds the small of your back, rubbing gentle circles against the skin there. You hum and nod your head.

"Just...weird dreams Jack. That's all." You turn your head and smile down at him and he makes a concerned sound at the back of his throat.

"Wanna talk about it, sweetheart?" Your heart melted at the concern, and you ease yourself back down, laying in his arms.

"It doesn't make much sense, really. You'll probably think I'm crazy." His arm holds you a little closer to him and he chuckles.

"Try me." A smile tugs at the corners of your lips and you take a deep breath.

"Well...if you say so. I've been dreaming of a person. It's...this guy. He looks so much like you, and he has a scar right here." You delicately trace the line of the scar from the mystery man in your dreams. "And his face is weathered and serious. He's always scowling. I have no idea but it's like it's you but it isn't you. But it's more like... a faded memory than a dream. It's crazy, I know." Jack is quiet as he listens to you, his fingers still tracing delicate patterns on your skin.

"I...don't think you're crazy, sweetheart." You blink, honestly shocked as you look up at him. He's staring up at the ceiling, a contemplative look on his face. "I've had dreams like that too. Ones of you. Or, well, a girl who looks almost exactly like you." Propping yourself up on your elbow, you look down at him, that handsome, lopsided smile on his face.

"You're not pulling my leg to appease me, are you?"

"Now darlin', when have I ever done that to you?" He had a point. His silver tongue worked magic in many ways, but spinning lies to appease you was not one of those ways. Your brow creases as you lose yourself in your thoughts of what this could mean until a whip-calloused finger smooths the lines between your brows. "You ever heard 'a soulmates, sweetness?" The question strikes you as rather odd, something out of a fairy tale, but you nod. "I'm thinkin' that may be our answer." His arm wraps around you and he pulls you back against him. "Lovers truly meant to be." Gentle lips press light kisses to your forehead, his moustache tickling the skin and drawing a giggle from you.

"Do you really think that, Jack? That we've met before?"

"Well it would explain how we fell in with one another quicker than a jackrabbit with a fox on its tail. Now, I know my charm is absolutely irresistible, but I don't think I can take all the credit here." He grins and you can't help the laugh that bubbles from your throat, smacking his chest lightly. You had to admit...it made sense. In some weird, metaphysical sense that you weren't quite sure you completely believed. But Jack believed it, and that was enough for you. It also meant you could stop feeling guilty about these dreams of this mysterious Spaniard.

"So this dream girl. What's she like?" You ask, snuggling into Jack's embrace. He shakes his head and laughs.

"What, you jealous of yourself, gorgeous? C'mon now, you get to ride this cowboy any time you like, ain't no need to be jealous of a dream of you." You gasp and smack his chest, cheeks flushing red as you hide against his chest. He chuckles and lavishes a few gentle kisses to the top of your head, snuggling down in bed with you.

"Jack?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, doll. Now close those pretty eyes of yours and get some sleep."

And you did just that, slowly drifting off to dreamland.

---

"Hellloooooo!" Cara snapped her fingers in front of your face and you jumped, coming back to reality. "You know, you really freak me out when you do that." She leans back in her chair, a cup of spotchka in one hand, her lopsided smirk on her face. You cough, and scratch at the back of your neck.

"Yeah...sorry about that." She just shakes her head.

"Where do you go when you zone out like that? Takes me forever to bring you back around." You just shrug, staring down at your bowl of soup.

"Day dreams, I guess. I can't really describe them. I see faces though. Well, a couple of faces anyways. Two men who look shockingly similar and-" Cara cuts you off with a wave of her hand.

"Sweets, I don't need to hear about your depraved day dreams." Her coy grin in your direction causes your face to flush a bright red at the insinuation and you make a move to reply when she goes rigid in her chair, setting her cup down with a little more force than necessary. Your brow creases in confusion, even more so when she stands and grabs your hand, quickly and quietly leading you out back. "Stay here," she hisses, moving slowly around front, leaving you confused and alone. And hungry. You had been so busy day dreaming you didn't even get the chance to finish your soup. A frown pulls at the corners of your lips as you hop up on a box out back, kicking your legs as you wait for your friend.

The sounds of fighting reach your ears a few minutes later and you jump up, running towards the sound, skidding to a halt when you round the corner to see Cara fighting with a person decked out in some of the shiniest armor you had ever seen. You open your mouth to say something when a small green creature walks out of the cantina, a bowl of soup in his tiny hands. He looks up at you and tilts his head before turning to walk a little closer to your skirmishing friend. You follow as both the armored figure and Cara end up on the ground, a blaster pointed at Cara's head. You're about to run forward to try and yank the blaster away when the sound of slurping distracts you. Looking down, you see the little green thing slurping up his soup, watching with a borderline uninterested look. The helmeted figure and Cara turn to look at you both before looking back at each other.

"...Want some soup?" The helmeted man says through what was clearly a modulator.

That was your first encounter with Din Dajrin, and you had no clue that that one day would lead to you aboard the Razor Crest, babysitting the little green creature he had taken in, and fixing things around the ship as they broke. You had never seen his face, nor much of his skin save for when you were patching him up from a particularly rough hunt, but that was okay. Life on the Crest was comfortable, and even in the silence that Din preferred to keep, you felt at home. His presence was enough to calm you on your more anxious days. The two of you grew close quickly. Quicker than you or he had expected, and it wasn't long before he was gracing you with idle affections. Light caresses as he passes you, his hand lingering on yours for longer than necessary, gently tucking stray hairs back behind your ear as you talk to him. Each little thing never failed to bring heat to your cheeks.

It was at the anniversary of your first cycle together that Din asked you to marry him. He had taken the three of you to a peaceful, lush planet to ask you. Some place safe and reclusive, a place where neither of you had to worry about anything. He wanted you as a part of his little clan, and your heart nearly burst with affection as you rapidly shook your head, wiping away the tears. The tradition was simple, a marriage a sacred vow between the Mandolorian and their spouse. It was a promise to bind the two as one. A few simple words was all it took, and he was yours. He brought your hands to his helmet to let you lift it off, the moment unable to be any more perfect than this.

And that's when the blaster sounded. You freeze as your eyes go wide, slowly looking down to your chest where bright crimson starts to bleed through the material of your tunic. You look back up at him with glassy eyes and stumble forward into his grasp, only vaguely aware of more blaster fire, then total silence. Din lays you down on the soft grass, yanking his helmet off, and oh how you wish you could see his face clearly. You make out dark curls atop tan skin, dark eyes looking at you with such concern and fear, desperation...a look you couldn’t bring your eyes to focus enough to make out. Everything is fading so quickly. You can't hear his voice, only ringing. You were so sure he had a beautiful voice, it's a shame you wouldn't get to hear it free of modulation. Lifting your hand, you place it weakly against his cheek, sputtering out "I love you...find me in the next..." With that, the last of your strength leaves you, your hand dropping from his face as your head lolls to the side, eyes staring blankly off into the distance.

Din lets out a cry of anguish as he pulls your lifeless form against him, sobbing into your hair. How could fate be so cruel?

Ezra shoots up ramrod straight in bed, gasping for air like a man drowning. A cold sweat clings to his skin, an afterthought of the nightmare that disturbed his sleep once more. He rubs his face, taking a deep breath before looking over at his time keeper. Two standard hours before his alarm... The sigh that leaves his lips is deep and heavy as he swings his legs over the side of his cot. Might as well get an early start on the day. There was no going back after that awful dream, and he could use the couple extra hours anyways. Mining with only one hand, everything took twice as long and was done half as well, so the extra time would give him a little leg-up on the day. Heavens above, he could use another set of hands around here. With Cee off at school, he was all on his own, and it was getting damn lonely. Working his way into his suit with a little bit of difficulty, he made the resolution to put out an ad for help the next time he went to the Depot to drop off a shipment.

And so he spent the day, mining and singing and talking to himself. Anyone else who saw him would surely think this one-armed man was crazy, but little did they know that talking to himself is exactly what kept him sane. He could move up the Depot visit. Yeah, that's what he would do. He'd need to go in the next week anyways, so why not just do it now? He resolved to head on the next day to the Depot, and he'd put out that add for some help.

The next day's trek was blessedly uneventful. The cash-in post scoffed at what little aurelac he had accrued so far, and the tips of his ears turned pink in embarrassment. He mutters a thank you for the credits exchange, and makes his way to the bulletin board to put in his ad. A single figure is standing in front of the board, a pack slung over their shoulder, miner's tools hanging off their belt.

"Pardon me," he says softly, scooting by them without looking at their face to pin up his ad. He turns to head back to his buggy to return to work, hopeful he would hear something over his coms soon.

"Sir?" A gentle voice calls from behind him and he freezes in place, his heartbeat suddenly incredibly loud in his ears. He knew that voice. That was the voice that had been in his nightmares over and over again. Find me in the next... He slowly turns to look at who had called him to see you standing there, looking exactly as you did in his dreams. But alive...so much more alive. You smile up at him, gentle and warm, with a light of concern in your eyes, and he has to resist the urge to run to you and pull you into his arms. "I say...you look like you've seen a ghost! Are you alright?" Ezra's mouth opens and closes a few times, not unlike a fish before he's able to find his words again.

"Y..Yes, I'm alright. Not to worry, gem, it's just been a rather arduous day is all, and I'm beginning to feel the effects taking hold. Pardon my rudeness." A gentlemanly smile graces his lips as he extends his hand to you. "The name is Ezra. How might you be doing this fine day?" You chuckle and take his hand, shaking it firmly. What an odd fellow this was.

"It's a pleasure, Ezra. And the answer to this next question will set my mood for the day, I'm sure. You're in need of a helper at your dig site?" He nods enthusiastically.

"I most certainly am! What a matter of fortune that I happen to stumble upon someone ready and willing to assist me the very day I come to place my ad!"

"Ready and willing is right! I just arrived on the surface. Took a gamble someone would be needing my help, and it appears I've come out on top!" Your smile is infectious, and Ezra returns it, just as brilliantly. It lights up his eyes, you notice. Warm, chocolate brown eyes that glimmer with a playfulness that excites you.

"Perhaps you can impart some of that luck on to me as we begin this partnership." He leads you back to his buggy to take you back to camp, loading up on some extra supplies as well with his meager earnings that would be needed with an extra mouth to feed. "Might you be the lucky star that this poor man has been waiting for!" You can't help but chuckle at the eccentric miner. His manner of speaking was so strikingly different from anyone you had met before. Words rolled off his lips sweet as nectar, and the sound of his voice bordered on intoxicating.

"Make a wish, and we'll see." You laugh, flashing him a wink. The two of you spend the rest of the ride talking, swapping stories of your previous adventures. Ezra's charm has you instantly at ease. It felt comfortable and familiar to be near him, and you couldn't quite explain it.

As you return to his camp and make your way inside, helping to unload, you do your best to help ease some of Ezra's burden. It was clear he was trying to show that his lack of an arm was no deterrent for him, but you worried he would hurt himself in the process.

"Here, I've got it," You say softly, taking an oxygen tank from him as he stumbled a bit, nearly dropping the canister. He looks up at you with those soulful brown eyes and your heart stutters in your chest. He nods and lets you take it inside as he grabs the last few small things from the buggy, following you in. His helmet hisses as he takes it off, slowly peeling himself out of his suit, and you do the same, folding yours up in the corner before standing awkwardly in the center of the hab until he's done. Dropping the offending article in the middle of the tent, he sighs and plops down on his cot, patting next to him for you to join. Happily, you do so, crossing your legs under you.

"Forgive me, lucky star, for my lacking capabilities. I am not the man I once was..." He gestures to the stump of his right arm, a pained look in his eyes. You place your hand on his thigh and flash a reassuring smile.

"Ezra, there is nothing to forgive. I'm here to help in whatever way you may need me to. We're partners, and partners help each other." He glances at you sideways, a smile gracing his lips at the pain fades in his eyes.

"Lucky star, I feel you may be imparting some of your luck on to me already. What plans the universe may have for us is an adventure I'm eager to embark on." You laugh and nod, squeezing his thigh once before getting up to start making your side of the hab.

And so the days go on. Long days spent mining as much aurelac as possible while the light provided, before getting cleaned up for the night. Evenings were usually spent listening to one of Ezra's fantastic tales, or listening to him read a book from his small collection. More and more you found yourself leaning against him, your eyelids heavy with sleep as his honey rich voice drawled on. It reverberated in his chest in a way that soothed you more than anything else had in the galaxy. But the good days were over too soon as mining season came to a close on the Green, and you found yourself facing Ezra in the Depot, the two of you ready to depart for your next jobs. The ache in your heart was unlike anything you had ever felt, having grown so fond of the loquacious miner.

You opened your mouth to say goodbye, to just rip the band-aid off, when he spoke over you.

"Come with me." The sentence was near a plea as he reached out to take your hand. Your eyes opened wide at his words, your mouth falling slightly open.

"W..what?"

"Come with my, my lucky little star... I can't imagine a life without you at this point, the comfort you bring me is beyond anything even the most luxurious of lifestyles could bring me." He squeezes your hand again. "Come with me...please..." You knew you couldn't, you knew you needed to head to your next journey, but the thought of doing so felt so wrong, as though your heart might explode if you tried...so you nod, and Ezra's eyes light up with a joy the likes of which you had never seen. He tugs your hand and pulls you to him, embracing you as best he can with his one arm, and nuzzles into your hair. You wrap your own arms around him to return the hug, sinking into the embrace that could only be described as feeling...right. You almost missed it as he whispered against your hair, "I found you..." You lean back, confusion in your eyes as you look up at him.

"...Found me?" You whisper and he smiles, dropping the embrace to take your hand and lead you toward his shuttle.

"If you would indulge me in some time to tell you a story, I can explain everything, lucky little star."

---

Your bare feet hit the pavement with loud slaps, legs propelling you forwards as fast as you could. Your lungs burned in your chest as you panted for air, not daring to look back over your shoulder for who you knew was following you. How had you managed to be so stupid, so careless? How could you have managed to get yourself involved in this?

"Get back here!" He yelled, his deep voice causing another shot of adrenaline to course through your bloodstream. He was going to kill you. Oh God, he was going to kill you! Tears stream down your face as you run, ducking into every alleyway you could, trying to elude him, but he had been doing this too long. He was good at covering his tracks, and you were a loose end he couldn't afford. You being alive jeopardized his life with his family.

You turn down another alley and your heart plummets when you are met with a stone wall, skidding to a halt in front of it. You hear his heavy footfalls behind you and you turn, falling to your knees. Maybe...maybe if you beg, he'll spare you?

Dave rounds the corner, and you hear the soft click of the safety of his silenced handgun. He stalks forward like a lion stalks an antelope and you have never in your life felt so small.

"You're a fast little she-devil, I'll give you that. It was a good chase." He stands in front of you as you begin to beg, pleading for your life. You'd move away, you'd forget everything. You'd change your name and cut contact with everyone, please just don't pull the trigger. "No can do, sweetheart. Can't risk it." He brings the gun up level with your forehead as you look up into his eyes, begging still, trembling with terror. For a moment, you see a light of recognition in his eyes, a light that looks so familiar it makes your heart ache. Visions of a space suit, an angry scar, a metal suit, and a cowboy hat all flash through your mind in rapid succession as the light registered somewhere deep in your subconscious.

Then, with the sound of a gunshot, everything vanishes.

---

"NO PLEASE STOP!" You shriek in your sleep, thrashing around in your shared bed, waking the man beside you. He startles, sitting up and pulling you upright, shaking you gently to try and wake you from your night terror. You had been having them more and more recently, and he was starting to get really concerned. Terrified eyes snap open, tears starting to streak down your face as you caught his eyes and immediately begin trying to get away from him, your body still full of adrenaline. "Let me go!" You screamed, fighting to get away from those eyes. Those damn eyes were exactly the same.

"Shhh shhh, cariña, calm down it was just a night terror, you're safe." That voice...that voice wasn't the same. That voice was so much kinder and softer than the one in your dream and you grow still in his arms, nervously looking back at the one holding you. Your terrified stare was met with the warmest chocolate eyes you had ever seen, full of nothing but love and concern for you as he held you.

"F-Frankie...?" you ask, barely above a whisper, and he nods. You tremble in his hold as you choke out a sob, falling into his embrace. "I-I'm s-s-sorry Frank-kie! I-It was s-so b-bad this t-time," you managed to choke out between sobs. Frankie’s gentle fingers run through your hair in an attempt to soothe you as he coos gently to you, swaying back and forth with you. His sleep shirt was clutched in your fists as you sobbed against him.

"It's alright cariña, I'm here, I've got you and you're safe. Nothing is going to get you, I promise." His voice is deep and rich, sleep still painting the edges of it as he holds you and whispers soothing words to you. How lucky could you be to have a man like Francisco Morales to call your own? He was so patient with you, even when these night terrors plagued you seemingly non-stop.

As your sobs turn to sniffles, he carefully looks down at you. "Was it the same dream, amor?" he asks softly, nervous to startle you, and you nod weakly.

"Being chased and cornered by a man with a gun...who looked like a sleazy businessman version of you... But his eyes were hard and angry and his voice was so cold." You look up at him with still watery eyes and he delicately wipes your cheek of any errant tears. "I hate this."

"I know, sweetheart, I know. I'm sorry, I would do anything to help those dreams stop." His hold tightens around you. He was angry. Angry he couldn't protect you from this. Angry that for some reason your mind was using his face to torture you. Angry that you could get no respite from these horrible visions in your mind. With closed eyes, he nuzzles into your hair, placing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. Your eyes slip closed as you slowly relax into Frankie's hold, your heart rate slowing to a more normal rate as the flood of adrenaline clears your bloodstream, leaving exhaustion in its wake. Frankie coaxes you to bed again, holding you as close to him as he can, hoping his presence will somehow help to deter the nightmares.

In the morning, you wake to the smell of bacon and the feeling of an empty bed. You sit up and stretch before rubbing your eyes and yawning. Damn, your head and eyes hurt from the crying last night. Stupid nightmare... With a shake of your head, you move to get up to go get some medicine when you notice two Tylenol and a glass of water sitting on the nightstand. A smile tugs at the corners of your lips, knowing Frankie had left them out for you, and you take them, deciding to stay in bed a few more minutes and wait for Frankie. Your decision pays off when the door opens and Frankie walks in, a bed tray with pancakes, bacon, and a tall glass of chocolate milk in his hands.

"Morning amor. How are you feeling? I made your favorite blueberry pancakes." The smile that graces your lips he returns as he sets the tray across your lap before tucking a loose strand of hair back in place behind your ear, joining you on the bed.

"I'm alright as I can be. Tired of these stupid night terrors...I feel like I haven't slept in days." Leaning over, you press a quick kiss to his cheek before picking up a fork, digging in. The moan that leaves your lips borders on sinful as you taste the pancakes. Frankie's cooking always did amaze you. He chuckles as he leans back against the headboard, watching you.

"I'm glad you like the food." You nod with a smile and continue eating, content with the silence for now. That is, until a burning question bubbles to the forefront of your thoughts. "Frankie...have...have you ever had a dream...about a girl who looked like me?" The question comes softly from your lips, as if you are nervous to even ask it. It seemed so silly hearing it out loud.

"No, I can't say I have...but the day I met you, I could have sworn I had met you before. But there was no possible way that could have been." His voice is contemplative, and when you turn to look at him He's looking off to nowhere, lost in thought.

"What do you mean you could have sworn you've met me before?" He blinks a few times and looks back at you, shrugging.

"Everything about you was familiar. Your eyes, your laugh, your smile. Hell, even the way you stood, one hip cocked and your hand resting on it...It was all just so familiar, like I had met you a long time ago. Weird, I know."

"I'm the one having dreams about a guy who looks like a douche bag version of you trying to kill me, and you think familiarity is weird?" A pink tint creeps up his cheeks as he sputters out a reply.

"W-well when you put it that way..." You chuckle and shake your head, chasing a blueberry around your plate with your fork.

"Maybe...we have met before...just not...here." If he didn't think you were crazy before, he certainly would now.

"What, like a soulmate? A past life?" You nod, not looking up. You didn't want to see him looking at you like you were crazy. "Now that's an idea...it would explain a lot, wouldn't it?" Another nod, and his hand reaches around to lift your chin, turning your face to him. A gentle smile graces his beautiful face and you can't help but return it. "If that's the case, then I'm glad I found you again, soulmate." The giggle that escapes your lips only helps to widen his smile before he presses a chaste kiss to your lips.

You had heard great things of the Prince of Dorne. The Red Viper, Oberyn Martell. He was as fearsome as he was gentle. Ruthless as he was loving. His skills with poisons and fighting spears were unmatched, as was his sexual appetite. Or so you had heard. King's Landing was always full of whispers and rumors, so much so that it was hard to know just what was fact, and what was fiction. Not that it mattered, the rumors never affected you. You kept your head down, and did as you were told, assisting the Lanisters whenever need be. It was the best way to stay out of trouble, and to ensure your head stayed rightfully upon your shoulders.

But why all of the hubbub about Prince Oberyn all of a sudden? Have you missed an announcement? Cersei would have your head on a pike before the candles melted through if you embarrassed her by forgetting to outfit a chamber. A cold sweat breaks out over your skin and your heart races in your chest at the thought, your feet carrying you swiftly down the halls in search of Tyrion. He would know what was going on.

You find the man talking with his guard, and clear your throat softly as you approach, hands folded respectfully in front of you. Their conversation drops as Tyrion looks to you with a smile.

"Forgive my interruption, but I have heard many more whispers today than usual of The Red Viper of Dorne... Have...Have I missed a notice to prepare an extra chamber...?" Tyrion shakes his head and comes over to place a hand over your folded ones.

"Fear not, you've missed nothing. The chambers were already prepared for his visit." The tension melts from your shoulders and you nod, bowing your head before standing upright again.

"Thank you for informing me. I shall return to my duties then. Good day." You turn quickly as Tyrion bids you farewell, resuming your duties as needed.

The fight was the only thing anyone in the halls discussed. Oberyn was to champion for Tyrion in trial by combat with The Mountain. The whole of King's Landing was to attend to spectate, including the workers through the castle. It had been a long time since the walls buzzed with such energy, and you followed along quietly to the viewing stand reserved for the chambermaids. Perhaps you would now see if the words of the great Red Viper of Dorne were true. You watch with baited breath as he strides into the arena, his armor light, a fighting spear in his grip that he twirls with such grace it takes your breath away. His smile is confident, bordering on cocky, and you feel a twinge of fear for him. He was so small...The Mountain would crush him.

The fight was certainly something to behold, and for a moment, it seemed as though Oberyn's dexterity would win him the match. Till the tables turned... It was a gruesome sight, The Mountain was known well for his utter brutality. The cries of pain from the prince under his grip tore at your heart, and when his skull finally gave, painting the arena red, something inside you broke. Tears streamed down your cheeks, your hand covering your gaping mouth as your heart ached in your chest.

You had never met this man, and yet at the witnessing of his death, it felt as if you had lost a part of yourself.

"An intern? A FUCKING intern? What the fuck do I need with an intern?!" Maxwell stood from his desk, pacing behind it, a hand in his pocket while the other rubbed at his face. "I’m so close, SO CLOSE, to having the world in the palm of my hand, and you want me to take on AN INTERN?!" He snapped at the poor secretary who stood in the center of the room, trembling in her high heels.

"M-Mr. Lord...A-appearances are everything, sir, and I believe taking on an intern would brighten your appearance in the public eye even more so. She would be none the wiser, and you could use her to take care of your less important operations, sir." The secretary quivered under Maxwell's gaze as he stopped to stare at her, eyes hard as flint. Slowly, so slowly, a predatory smile works its way across his face, and he stalks forward, lifting the secretary's chin.

"You are an absolute genius, where would I be without you?" He shoves her head away and she stumbles back a step before catching herself. "Bring her on. Get her set up on payroll, benefits, whatever she needs, then send her here to talk with me." The secretary nods, scribbling down notes on a piece of paper before looking back up to her boss who has taken to looking out the window of his high rise office. "Well don't just stand there, chop chop!" She shoos her from the room and she leaves in a rush, heels clicking down the hall as she goes to find you.

The lobby of the Lord building was absolutely massive, and appropriately ornate for what you knew of Maxwell's image. Nervous fingers played across your pencil skirt, smoothing down the nonexistent wrinkles in the material as you waited for the secretary you had met to return with her answer. The sound of heels clicking down the hallway draws your attention and a cordial smile graces your lips as the secretary returns.

"Good news!" she claims in an overly excited tone. "Welcome to the company! Mr. Lord has agreed to take you on as his intern. I'll take your information and get you set up with payroll while you come to meet the man behind it all." You nod, fishing a manila envelope of all of your information out of your shoulder bag, handing it over. "Excellent. Now, follow me. A few pointers," she says matter of factly. "Speak only when spoken to and NEVER interrupt. Mr. Lord hates being interrupted. You'll refer to him as Mr. Lord or Sir unless instructed otherwise. Keep your answer short and to the point. Are we clear?" You swallow thickly, suddenly astronomically more nervous than you were just a moment ago.

"Crystal."

"Excellent." She takes you to a large set of double wooden doors, knocking with three quick raps before opening the door. "Mr. Lord, here she is." The secretary ushers you in, placing you in the center where she stood trembling only minutes before, stepping off to the side as Maxwell strides up to you, circling around you as he sizes you up.

"Not bad," he muses. "Not bad at all." His gaze was searing, causing your blood to race in your veins. You were pretty, he had to admit, and that would definitely be a bonus if you were going to be around him every damn day. Something familiar tugged at the back of his mind. Your eyes or your jawline, maybe, but he quickly chased that thought away. "So, you're going to be my new intern!" He claps his hands together. "Your work starts now. Follow me." He places a hand on your shoulder, leading you to what you assumed was where you were going to be sitting for the rest of this internship.

You blink and stumble for a moment, a firm yet chilling grip catching you to right you.

"Careful there doll. Can't have you ruining that pretty face of yours cause you tried to kiss the carpet." Max laughed that ultra-fake, condescending laugh he had, letting you go as you righted yourself. Adjusting your pencil skirt, you nod and take a deep breath. This was all way too familiar. The outfit, the internship, the guide through the office to a desk by your boss'. It was hands down the worst case of deja vu you have EVER had.

"Mr. Phillips-"

"Call me Max, doll. You're my new intern, and I'd like to think of you and I more as friends than as boss and employee." He grins at you and you shiver at the sight of his fangs.

"...Max. Uhm...does...does any of this seem a little too familiar to you? Like you've been here before?" His look back at you with a look that makes you wish you could just melt into the carpet and disappear.

"I'm here every day, what are you talking about?"

"N-no I mean like, do you ever get deja vu? Because I'm having it bad right now." That trademark grin spreads across Max's face again as he seats you at your desk, perching himself up on the front of it so he's looking down at you.

"My whole unlife is deja vu, dollface. It's round two for me." That damn smile never leaves his lips as he watches you put your papers in the drawers of your desk. "Any other silly little questions, or should I just let you get started on your first day?" The tips of your ears were on fire and you shook your head.

"Nothing else, Max. Thank you, I'll get to work." He claps and nods, hopping off your desk.

"Alright, doll. You'll have a set of reports for editing in your inbox. Have them formatted, printed, and on my desk before you head out today." You nod, starting up your desktop as he makes his way from your now shared office. This...was going to be a long internship.

Max makes his way down the hall, that fake, used car salesman smile falling from his lips as soon as he is out of eye-shot. He stalks down the hall to his own personal bathroom, shutting the door with a little more force than necessary.

"Fuck!" The acoustics of the tiled room cause his voice to reverberate, sharp in his ears. "Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" He white knuckles the edge of the sink, the porcelain cracking under his hands. It was her. It was FUCKING her! Of all the people who could come to intern at this company, it had to be his soulmate. Because of course it did! Why would the universe decide anything else?! The frustrated vampire closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. She didn't know, everything was going to be fine. Can't have a soulmate when you don't have a soul. Checkmate, universe. Yeah, that was what he would do, he’d ignore it. Problems always went away when you ignored them, right?

Wrong.

"I need to stop watching vamp movies before bed," Javier Peña groans, sitting up from his bed. "Fucking dreaming about them now.." He continues to grumble to himself as he gets ready for the day. It was going to be a long one. The DEA had caught a lead on Escobar, and were running a raid this afternoon. He needed to be on his game today, this could be the chance they needed to finally get that bastard. He slips his gun into the waistband of his jeans, grabs his leather jacket, and heads to work.

Hostages. Of course they had fucking hostages.

"This complicates things," Steve whispers from behind him.

"No shit," the exasperated DEA agent snaps back, eyes scanning the entrance to the building. They had no idea how many Escobar's men had in there, and they needed to get them all out. Javier was tired of seeing innocents die, caught up in something because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. "I'm going around back," Javi hisses, ducking around Steve to find the back entrance. "You stay here with the team. First gunshot, you move. Be smart, clear every room, move fast." Steve nods, taking Javi’s place as Javi slinks along the back perimeter.

He was right, there was a back entrance. He presses his ear to the door, trying to make out any sound and was met with only silence. Gun ready in one hand, he slowly opens the door, thanking whatever god existed that most of Escobar's men were idiots. They had forgotten to arm the back door. He moves along the wall to the hallway, noting two doors on the left, one on the right on the way to the main lobby. His heart pounds in his ears as he moves as quickly and quietly as possible, choosing the one door on the right first, seeing it open. He ducks in, gun sweeping over the room, but all he sees is you there, bound and gagged with duct tape. Your face was a mess, one eye blackened and dried blood from your nose crusted on the tape. Weary, broken eyes meet Javi's and his heart stutters. He had to get you out of here, and he was going to.

As you look at him, your eyes widened at the shadow moving down the hall. Noticing, Javi presses himself just to the side of the doorway, waiting for the man to make his way into the room before firing off two quick shots to his head. The man slumped to the ground, lifeless as the house descended into chaos. Javi grabs you, dragging you gracelessly to the corner where he can better protect you. The action draws a soft whimper from you, fresh tears running down your cheeks.

Gunfire, screaming in both Spanish and English, crashing and banging...it was all too much for you and you began sobbing, quaking in absolute terror. Javier held you to him gently, his large hand holding your head against his chest.

"Calma, calma. Estás segura. Soy aquí," he whispers softly against your hair, eyes trained on the door still.

"Peña! It's clear! We got them all, where are you?" Steve. Thank god.

"First room on your left. Bring me the first aid kit!" You look up at agent Peña with glassy eyes, bloodshot from crying and he starts to peel the duct tape away from your mouth as gently as he can. "It's alright, you're safe now." His voice is gruff, but he speaks so gently to you. You can't stop the trembling in your limbs, the adrenaline running its course.

"I got the ki- holy shit what did they do to her?!" Steve joins Javi by your side, helping to undo the tape binding your arms and legs.

"Beat the shit out of her it looks like," Javi pulls an alcohol swab from the kit, tearing it open to wipe off a nasty looking cut along your brow and you hiss, pulling back at the sting. "Easy, chica. I know it hurts, I'm sorry." The whimper that leaves your lips has Javi nearly seeing red. Those bastards...

"Let's get her out of here. We need to get her to a hospital." Steve is already standing up, pulling out his phone.

"No! No, please no hospitals!" The words come out as a rasp, your throat feeling like sandpaper.

"Lady, you're beat to hell, we need to get you some medical attention." He argues, but the look in your eyes is desperate as you turn your gaze back to the DEA agent who saved you.

"Please, please no hospitals...I can't do it."

"Peña..." Javier cuts him off with a shake of his head.

"I'll take her back to my place and take care of her. She can stay there for now. Her place probably isn't safe right now anyways if they managed to get her." No hospitals...they weren't going to take you to the hospital. Relief washes over you and your limbs suddenly felt so heavy.

"Thank you..." You barely make out before your body gives out and you slump against Javi. His arms wrap around you after checking for a pulse, and he stands, scooping you up bridal style in his arm. He carries you out to his car, sitting you in the front seat and strapping you in, Steve arguing the whole way.

"Look, she said no hospitals, so we aren't going to the hospital. If things get worse, I'll take her, but for now, I'm taking her back to mine. You stay here and get the paperwork done. I'll call if anything changes." Steve opened his mouth to argue, but Javi was already in the truck, taking you to his little apartment on the quiet side of town.

It was surely a strange sight, the DEA agent carrying in your battered body to his apartment, and it raises the eyebrow of Old Woman Angela who gracefully still decides to mind her own business. Safe within the confines of his home, Javi carries you to his bed, laying you down gently before ridding you of your shoes in an attempt to grant you at least a little comfort.

"Let's get you cleaned up, querida." His words are soft and gentle, more so than he's used with anyone in a long time. Delicately, he wipes your face with a clean, damp cloth to rid you of the grime and blood that had built up, using caution around your deeply blackened eye. The sight of you so battered made his heart ache. He was used to violence, he was used to death. It followed him everywhere in this line of work. So why, then, was this hitting him so much harder than any of the others. Why did he feel this overwhelming need to protect you, to keep you safe from all the world's atrocities? He shakes his head and mutters to himself in Spanish as he moves to sanitizing and dressing your wounds. Once you were as cared for as he could make you, he sits, watching your sleeping form. The subtle rise and fall of your chest as you sleep gives him at least a little comfort. His hand moves as if of its own will, taking yours gently. They're so soft, and they fit so perfectly in his, almost like your hands were made to be held in his. It felt so right, so natural. And that was something Javier Peña had never felt before, not like this. In your sleep, so gently he almost thinks he imagined it, you squeeze his hand tighter.

Javier Peña didn't even know your name, but in his heart he knew one thing.

You were home.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" you call from your place on the couch, head dangling off, your feet where your head should be.

"Absolutely," came the gentle voice from the kitchen.

"And what about soulmates?"

"Those too. Why do you ask?" Marcus peeks his head out and chuckles when he sees you once again refusing to use furniture correctly.

"I dunno, just a thought I've been having recently. Like, how do people know when they've found their soulmate? It's not like we have a countdown timer that tells us."

"Well," your boyfriend comes to join you on the couch and you immediately right yourself to lay with your head in his lap, his fingers moving to play with your hair. "It's one of those things you just know. Like, they walk into the room and all you can see is them. Their voice and laugh makes you feel like you're floating, and every time you see them a warmth spreads through you from the tip of your head all the way to your toes. And the feel of their skin is the most right thing in the world, like anywhere you go, so long as you're with them, you're home." His gentle smile down at you does just that, filling you with that warmth it always does. "Some people even say they have dreams of past lives where they've met their soulmates before."

"Have you?"

"I have." His voice is so assured, it takes you by surprise, and you must have worn that look on your face because Marcus laughs before tapping your nose.

"...Tell me about her. Or him, I guess." Curiosity was eating you alive. Who was Marcus' soulmate? Were you keeping him from them? Your heart sank at the thought that maybe...maybe he belonged to someone else through some greater proclaimed destiny.

"She's been so many things and been on so many adventures, love. She's flown through the expanses of space so many times, fought monsters and mined for rare jewels. She's aided weary warriors who were passing through her tiny village. She's survived terrifying experiences with drug lords and she's worked as a top agent in intelligence organizations. She's wept for a lover she never knew, and she's been mourned by more than she will ever know." You watch his face with a child-like wonder, and when he finishes he looks at you, that glimmer you love so much still present in his eyes. "Have you ever had similar dreams?"

The question catches you by surprise and you find yourself contemplating. You had never really remembered dreams, but a few did stick out to you. "I remember...space. And the man I was with was cold and metal, but his voice was gentle. And I remember...I remember working in offices with men in suits I could never afford, but who bought me nice things to say the words they could never get to come out. And...a scar. I remember a scar." Wandering fingers reach up to trace over Marcus' eye. "I remember my first thought when I saw you was 'Didn't he have a scar?' But the thought was so out of place, I had no idea what to do with it. I had never met you before! So I...forgot it." All through your talking, Marcus' smile has just grown wider, as if he's waiting for you to catch one of his jokes.

When it all clicks into place, you sit up, your mouth slightly open as memories flood your mind's eyes. A wet and weary warrior, a charming cowboy, a fearsome hunter covered in metal, a talkative gentleman whose every sentence was poetry, a ruthless killer, a soft pilot with a heat of gold, a grand prince gone too soon, a pompous billionaire, a sarcastic frat boy, and a gentle DEA agent all flashing through your mind in rapid succession. Your eyes tear up with the memories that are yours but at the same time aren't, and you reach up to cup his face. Words die on the tip of your tongue as you struggle to force them out.

Marcus takes the burden from you, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to your lips. It's heavy, full of so many memories, so many moments, so many lifetimes. It's so magnificent it sucks the air from your lungs and you break away to gasp for breath as Marcus presses his forehead to yours.

"Y...You're my...soulmate..." The words are barely a breath, but he hears them all the same and nods, pecking your lips once more as he gathers you into his arms. You melt into the grasp, more comfortable here than anywhere else on earth.

"Yes, my love. And no matter the lifetime, no matter the universe, no matter the struggle...The forces that be will always bring me to you. Always wait for me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list is open!

Requests are Open!

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memzhay · 4 years ago

Text

The Bluebird

The fire was perfect and wouldn’t need tending for a while. Their bellies were full of steaks cooked over an open flame and potatoes that had been wrapped in foil and placed in the coals. There was enough alcohol in their blood to make them feel relaxed, but not ridiculous. Everything was quiet except for the crackle of the fire and the occasional rustle of some small critter or other off in the bush. Life was bliss!

They were camping in Los Padres National Forest, an hour or so north of Santa Barbara. The weather was perfect. It was just the two of them this time, so setting up camp had been a breeze. Now there was still plenty of evening left and nothing to do but relax. Rhett thought idly about getting the guitar out of the truck and messing around with it. Link had been staring at the fire for a bit and seemed content but lost in thought.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Rhett inquired.

“Hmm?” Link said, coming back to reality. “A poem,” he said dreamily.

“For real?” Rhett said with a surprised chuckle. “When did you read a poem?”

“Hey! I can read poems if I feel like it,” Link said defensively. “Somebody randomly posted it on Reddit, and it’s been rolling around my brain for a few days. It’s called ‘the Bluebird’ by Charles Bukowski. I don’t really know it enough to quote it to you, but he says there’s this bluebird in his heart that wants to get out. He won’t let it out except sometimes when nobody else is around. He pours whiskey on the bluebird and doesn’t let anybody else see it. It’s beautiful, but also pretty sad. Well, not sad exactly, more melancholy I guess. I’m not sure why I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Do you think there is a bluebird in your heart that wants to get out?” Rhett said with gentle amusement. “You are the most open person in the world. You express everything, nonstop, all the time.”

“I feel like I do too. That’s why it doesn’t make sense that it stuck with me so much,” Link pondered.

“You’re a deep soul, Link Neal,” Rhett said. “So, you really have no idea what little birdie in you wants it’s freedom? Must be something.”

“Sex stuff, maybe,” Link said abruptly. Rhett laughed a bit, but was very used to abrupt conversational turns from Link.

“Do tell!” Rhett encouraged. “What kind of sexy little birdie are we dealing with here?”

“I don’t know, maybe something just different is all,” Link said staring at the fire. “Maybe I want to be the sort of person that memorizes a love poem, then whispers it during foreplay or something.”

“10 out of 10! You should absolutely do that. It’s romantic! Women love that sort of thing. Christy would be thrilled,” Rhett said. “Where would you work the poem in, though?”

Link scooted his camping chair over next to Rhett and leaned over like he was telling a secret. “You know, we’re like kissing, right? And I stop and just hug for a second and then whisper a line or two in her ear.”

“Mmm hmm. That would go over real well,” Rhett said quietly. “What then?”

“Well,” Link continued, his breath tickling Rhett’s ear, “Then I’d start kissing down her throat from her jaw down to where her neck meets her collarbone and just nibble a little bit.”

“Your birdie is a vampire?” Rhett quipped.

“Gently nibble. Gently,” Link clarified. “Then I would go back up and whisper a few more lines in your ear-“

“Woah! Wait a sec. MY ear!?” Rhett said with a jolt.

“Her ear!” Link quickly blurted, sitting bolt upright in his chair. “Hers! My wife’s! Christy’s!” he gratuitously explained staring intensely at the fire.

“Right. Right,” Rhett said. “You see there. That bluebird isn’t trapped in your heart at all. It flies out your mouth all the dang time!”

They laughed at that, busting the tension.

“You want another beer?” Rhett offered.

“Dear God, yes!” Link said with a laugh.

Rhett went to the cooler and grabbed a few bottles. He also grabbed the guitar from the back of the truck. He felt like it was important to have something in his lap right about now.

The forest sighed in amusement at them.

#rhink #rhink fanfiction #rhink fic #sexy little birdies

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not-from-the-absence-of-violence · 5 years ago

Text

You must be he I was seeking

Summary: Roman and Logan have been best friends as long as they can remember, but will it stay that way?

Roman and Logan are huge idiots.

Pairings: Logince, backround (but still a lot of) moxiety and dukeceit.

Warnings: mentions of bullying, friends fighting, there is quite a lot of angst but with happy ending :)

word count: 5690

a/n: Hello everyone, it’s been quite a while since I posted any fic, I am quite proud of this one so I hope yall enjoy it. I originally wrote this for @sanderssantas fic exange for the lovely @therealmoshar! (go check them out!!). I have always wanted to write enemies to lovers and a soulmate au so I absolutely loved writing this.

The title comes from “To A Stranger” by Walt Withman.

you can also find it on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21804592

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Roman was practically bouncing in his seat at lunch, or more than usual anyway. It seemed today he was surpassing even his sibling in hyperactivity. His mom smiled softly at him.

“You’re going to Logan’s later?” She said knowingly.

Upon hearing his best friends name Roman’s face lit up.

“Yeah I’m gonna, “ he said between haphazard bites of his sandwich “Imma pick him up from his house, after lunch!”

Remus rolled their eyes next to him.

“It’s tragic to be the only one with manners here,” they said.

It is to be noted that they said this while practically covering the entire table and themselves in peanut butter and jelly.

Roman playfully shoved them after he finished his food.

“Shut up, Ree,” he said.

To which Remus responded by sticking their tongue out, before going back to their food. Then Roman looked at his mom with his best pleading puppy dog eyes.

Carmen laughed at her children fondly, shaking her head.

“Fine,” she said “You are excused, Roman.”

The moment she said it, he bolted from the table to put on his shoes.

“Be back at seven!” she shouted at him.

He ran back into the room, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and raid rushed:

“Will do, thank you, bye!”

“Love you!” she called out in the general direction of the hallway.

She heard a very loud “Me too!” and a slam of the door.

She couldn’t help but laugh. He reminded her so much of when she had been young and met her soulmate; she and Isa couldn’t get enough of each other either. Absentmindedly she touched her arm where a garden of flowers is tattooed on her skin and she smiled.

Then she turned back to the table.

“Remus! Do not feed peanut butter to the cat!”

--------------

Roman knocked excitedly at Logan’s door.

They were going to go to their secret clearing in the neighborhood park. Well “secret”, technically anyone could come there, but there were never any people there.

It was a small clearing with a bench and overgrown plants all around. Roman insisted that the place had to be magical, Logan on the other hand said it was simply forgotten due to poor municipal planning.

Whoever was right didn’t really matter in the end, it was their favorite place to be.

Logan’s dad opened the door, he always looked very similar to Logan, with his dark skin and black curly hair, although Logan’s was shorter. The biggest noticeable difference was his tattoo on his neck that consisted of various little birds, the very same that his mother had.

Anyway, Logan’s dad smiled at him and said:

“Logan’s upstairs, you know the way.”

“Thanks Mr. Sanders!” Roman said, and ran up the stairs.

He practically stormed into Logan’s room.

Logan looked up from Foundation and Empire, annoyed, until he realised who had just charged into his room.

“Roman!” he said, a little too enthusiastically considering they had seen each other yesterday.

“Yeah, now come on Lo! We gotta go to the park!” he said grabbing his friend’s hand and pulling him downstairs.

Logan shook his head at his impatient friend, but did not stop him.

“You do know we still have about six hours of playtime, right?”

“Yeah yeah but the dragon witch is not going to defeat herself!”

Logan could not really argue with that.

He quickly put on his shoes and could only say a quick goodbye to his dad before Roman grabbed his hand and took off towards the park.

-----------------

They played happily for hours, occasionally Logan would point out inconsistencies in Roman’s stories which he always answered with a variation of:

“It’s magic, Specs!” or “we are playing pretend, calculator watch”.

Roman liked nicknames.

And Logan would give in and follow Roman’s nonsensical plot. Logan always liked Roman’s stories a lot, secretly.

They played until the sun started setting, then tired out and content they sat on their bench, surely late for curfew and not bothered by it whatsoever.

Logan rested his head on Roman’s lap, to be able to properly point at the stars and show them all to Roman.

And although Roman couldn’t really remember all that he was told he always listened carefully, slowly threading his fingers through his friend’s hair, smiling at Logan’s beaming face.

It was time to go home and a comfortable silence fell over them.

Roman sighed content and said.

“We will always be together, won’t we Lo?”

Logan sat up and looked at his friend.

“Always is a very long time, Ro.”

“You think we won’t?”

“That’s not what I said.”

Roman laughed

“It's almost as if you like me, nerd.”

Logan tried to give him an annoyed look, which ended up looking more along the lines of “desperately fond”.

“For the record,” Logan said. “We will be together forever.”

Barely above a whisper but with the conviction one could only have when speaking an absolute truth.

It was strong wording, but such are the things you say when you have yet to turn nine and the world seems simple.

And they believed it, with all of their hearts, they really did.

-----------------

Then middle school rolled around, and everything went wrong. And as far as Roman is concerned, it was all Logan’s fault.

A few months after they started middle school Logan already seemed to change so much. He was quiet and reserved, which is something he had always been, but never around Roman. He was also always seemingly busy.

Roman didn’t know about how kids made fun of Logan in class, how slowly but surely Logan began to believe his only redeemable quality was his grades.

It’s not like Logan told him.

What made it harder is that they weren’t in the same class anymore, so they only saw each other after school.

More and more often Logan would be studying, or taking extra classes, which he didn’t even need in Roman’s opinion.

Roman got increasingly sadder, and quietly wondered what happened to his best friend.

As far as Logan was concerned it was all Roman’s fault, because he had replaced him.

One day Logan arrived at Roman’s house, unannounced, sure, but they did that all the time.

Or they had done that once.

Remus opened the door and seemed genuinely surprised to see him.

“Logan…” they said, pitifully?

“Hello, is Roman home?”

“Yes, but,” they hesitated “he has a friend over.”

Logan’s brain short circuited, a friend? Of course Roman could have other friends, many people at school liked him. He was allowed to have other people over that weren’t him.

It still didn’t sit right with him.

He walked up the familiar staircase to Roman’s door, which was easy to find because it said “Roman” in cursive red and gold and covered in stickers.

He heard Roman’s loud laughter mixed with someone else's.

He opened the door to find Patton Jones in Logan’s usual spot, next to Roman on his bed laughing at a joke only the two of them understand.

The two on the bed stopped abruptly when they saw Logan at the door.

“Logan!” Roman said excitedly, because they hadn’t seen each other in more than a week.

“It’s good that you are here,” he continued.”Now you can meet Patton!”

Patton smiled in a way that seemed to light up his freckled clad face, he seemed lovely with his sunny smile and golden curls, Logan felt something akin to anger bubbling in his chest, he immediately did not like Patton.

“You must be Logan,” Patton said happily “Roman talks about you a lot.”

Logan completely missed Roman blushing, and instead realised that the feeling bubbling up in his chest was something as stupid as jealousy.

“I can come by another time.” he said.

“No, no its going to be fun!”

The rest of the evening was awkward. Roman and Patton had jokes and stories Logan didn’t know. Logan couldn’t shake the horrible feeling in his stomach.

Logan left before dinner in a hurry.

Roman was extremely confused, why couldn’t Logan even be just nice to Patton.

Patton was sweet and if Logan didn’t appreciate that, Patton was Roman’s friend.

“I am sorry Pat, I have no idea what’s up with him.”

“I think he might just be jealous, Ro.” Patton said softly.

But Logan was not an idiot, there was no reason to be jealous, Roman was sure Logan knew that. But of course he didn’t tell him that.

“No, I think he is just being a jerk.”

Patton shook his head sadly, he didn’t like it when people were hurting.

----------------------

Roman and Logan saw each other less and less through middle school.

They didn’t talk about the things that bothered them or anything really, and soon painful silence fell over them when they hung out.

Things didn’t completely get ruined until about a week before summer vacation.

“My parents agreed for you to come along with our vacation.” Logan said, pretending very hard that everything was fine.

They had always gone on vacation together, he saw no reason for it to be different this year.

Roman shifted uncomfortably.

“Still the week of the 11th?”

Logan eyed him dubiously.

“Yes? It’s always been that week?”

Roman looked at the ground guiltily.

Logan stared at him baffled.

“You forgot?!” Logan said, way too loud, his fists clenched, his body tensed up.

“I am so so sorry Logan! I am going camping with Pat that week but maybe-”

Logan saw red.

Of course he thought what did I expect?

“Fine! Go hang out with Patton then!” he yelled, trying very hard not to cry.

Roman threw up his hands.

“I don’t know why you hate Patton so much!”

“I don’t! I just-”

“You do.”

Logan clenched his jaw so hard he wondered whether he could break his teeth like that.

Roman looked at him with a challenge.

“This is preposterous Roman, we are not toddlers anymore.”

“So you admit you dislike Patton.”

Logan slowly breathed in and out.

“I do not.”

Roman shook his head.

“Oh yeah? You merely hate when I hang out with him? God forbid I want to have a friend that doesn’t ditch me because he is a such a fucking nerd!”

Roman regretted the words the moment they left his mouth and saw Logan flinch.

Logan looked back at him as if he had just been slapped.

Kids at school said those things, but Roman, Roman wouldn’t.

Yet he had.

Logan felt tears prickle in his eyes.

“Logan...“ Roman said softly.

“I hate you!” Logan shouted, before storming off.

Roman did not run towards him, nor did he try to reason with him.

He just shouted “Fine!”

And ran back home choking back tears.

-------------------

3 years later.

Pretty much everyone at Gainesville High School knew Roman Reyes and Logan Sanders.

Roman Reyes was known as a semi-popular theatre kid, that many people knew either because he constantly got the lead role in the school’s play or because he was signed up to at least 10 different extracurricular clubs and activities. Most people liked him well enough, although he usually sat at lunch only with Patton Jones and occasionally his twin.

Whom was another reason he was known across the school, people tend to remember you if your sibling blew up the lab, on multiple occasions.

Logan Sanders was a genius, who had won more science contests than anyone else at the school ever. Everyone also liked him well enough, or at least they said so ever since he started hanging out with Deceit - who did have a real name, supposedly, but made up a new one every time someone asked him - and Virgil Decker. Who were both rather punk/emo and would not hesitate to fuck you up if you messed with their friends. They had a very interesting brand of psychological warfare they had used on Chad Carson when he had spray painted Logan’s locker in freshman year, no one had dared to mess with him since.

Anyway, they had many things in common, Logan and Roman.

They both had a tendency of arguing with teachers, they both had interesting brands of extra, they both liked to wear skirts occasionally.

And mostly everyone knew them because they knew that letting those two in a room together was about as catastrophic as letting an atomic bomb go off.

Some of their arguments and fights were famous.

Like the time they argued for two periods about the correct interpretation of a single line in Hamlet , derailing poor Ms. Chase’s math class.

Or the time Roman joined the debate team loudly announcing to anyone who would listen that he was doing it to kick Logan’s butt. In retribution Logan had auditioned for the role Roman wanted in the school play. They now shared the role, much to the demise of the whole theatre cast and crew and director Thomas Sanders.

Or the time they were doing their standard comparing grades and bickering shenanigans which escalated in Roman pouring water over Logan, which in turn got Roman covered in an unholy mix of coffee and red bull.

Everyone tried to separate them as much as possible, but it seemed somehow those two always ended up stuck together.

----------------

Patton sighed as Roman shouted yet another stupid nickname at Logan, who was sitting all the way across the cafeteria. Logan shouted back a “burn” that sounded suspiciously like a rap verse.

Patton gave a sympathetic smile and wave at Virgil who seemed to be faking slamming his head onto the table in frustration.

Virgil saw him and blushed timidly and waved back, which in turn made Patton blush.

He looked down at his arm looking at his forming soulmark. He had made friendship bracelets is whole life, he was in fact looping one now. A green one, Remus had bitten through their old one. Now he had the simple design of one on his right wrist, a blue one with a little purple heart in the middle. He really, really hoped Virgil had the same tattoo.

Roman didn’t notice his very obvious crush and instead started ranting about Logan, again.

Patton tuned him off as much as he could.

“You two are like Harry and Draco.” Patton cut him off, hoping Harry Potter might make him stop.

Roman scoffed.

“I hope you mean that he is Draco.”

“You have been talking about him for the past ten minutes!” Patton countered.

“First of all clearly I am a Gryffindor, second of all he is just so-”

“Infuriating!” Logan said to Dee and Virgil who were totally paying attention and hadn’t heard this all before.

“Oh,” Dee said, rolling his eyes “you hadn’t mentioned it.”

“I haven’t? Well in that case-”

They were saved by an impromptu lecture on everything infuriating Roman had ever said and done by Remus, who slammed their lunch on the table. They proceeded to crawl on Dee’s lap casually. Virgil muttered “get a room” which earned him a middle finger from Remus.

“Can’t you shut up about my brother for one second Lolo,” they said “there are more subjects, you know.”

Logan did not give in.

“Doesn’t your brother regard you as a traitor?”

“For sitting with my soulmate?” Remus rolled their eyes “You are so dramatic, nerdy wolverine, besides Roman may be a pain in the ass, but he is also a romantic.”

Logan wrinkled his nose looking at Deceit and Remus’s intertwined arms. In full display was a currently simple, but surely one day extremely extra green and yellow serpent tattoo that coiled around both of their arms, making it hard to make out where each of them ended or started.

They were ridiculous. And so was his mark, it was not visible but it was a simple and way too cartoonish bunch of stars under his left shoulder blade.

Soulmates where stupid, in Logan’s opinion.

“It’s not like any of you like Roman, I am in my right to find him aggravating and-” he saw all of his friends looking at him incredulously. “What?”

He distinctly heard Dee mutter: “Lord grant me patience, because if you grant me strength someone will get murdered.”

“Well, I mean Princey isn’t my best friend but,” Virgil shrugged “ I like him well enough, plus his antics in debate club are always entertaining.”

Logan looked at Virgil disbelieving, then at Dee who smirked a bit.

“He certainly is dramatic and annoying, I’ll give you that but then again,” he gestured vaguely at his company on the table “a lot of people are.”

Vrigil rolled his eyes, Remus simply nodded in agreement.

Logan scoffed.

Since when does Deceit hang out with Roman anyway, well aside from play rehearsal and the fact that he is his soulmates brother and- , Logan thought, realised he was being stupid and shook his head.

“I have seen you hit Roman with a morning star, Remus, you can not tell me you enjoy his company.”

“It was play rehearsal!” Remus defended “and we are siblings, it’s different.”

“I can’t fathom any of you enjoy his company he-”

“Well don’t be like that, you two used to be best friends.” Remus said nonchalantly.

Virgil stared at Logan baffled, Dee burst into laughter.

“I am not joking!” Remus said amused.

Dee shook his head.

“I know, darling, but it's not like we have had to endure daily rants on how dreadful Roman is, and it turns out they were fucking best friends!”

Virgil just kept staring at Logan quizzically.

“Yes, Roman and I were,” he hesitated not sure how to phrase it “..close, but we were children, it was quite some time ago.”

“What happened?”

Logan looked briefly across the cafeteria to Roman’s table, where Patton was tying a friendship bracelet to Roman’s wrist.

“He found new friends.”

-----------------

Logan hadn’t quite realised how much he missed Roman, but now that he had been lying wide awake for quite some time, memories of both of them unable to get out of his head, he supposes it’s a lot more than he initially thought.

He really does like his current friends, but somehow Roman had been different, they had been so very close and Logan had believed they would be together forever.

There was still a picture somewhere buried under books on his desk he couldn’t bring himself to throw away.

It was a nice spring day, they had their arms around each other, they were both smiling so wide it seemed impossible, they were probably around ten years old, childhood innocence still in their eyes. And Roman was looking at him like he hung the moon and the stars in the sky.

Where had that look gone? What had happened?

Logan’s chest ached with nostalgia,and although he had previously never ever considered sneaking out, on this night with a full moon and thousands of stars he quietly slips into his coat and shoes.

He opens the front door silently and he walks calmly to the clearing in the park.

Their park.

He gets there and goes to sit on the bench.

Their bench.

He looks up at the sky, he looks at the stars that he once considered theirs.

A deep melancholy settles into his chest threatening to blow him into pieces.

Tears prickle in his eyes for times long gone.

He is snapped out of his thoughts by a soft, surprised, achingly familiar voice.

“Logan?” his best friend, his rival, a stranger says.

-----------------

Patton had never been mad at Roman before. Sure Roman could be a bit much, Patton had been frustrated, annoyed, aggravated, perhaps a tad angry.

But today it seemed he had finally crossed a line with him. Roman was, as usual, ranting about Logan.

Patton had sighed heavily.

“Now you are just being mean, Roman, I know you miss him but-”

And ok, Roman may have exploded a little, stating that he was better off without Logan in about ten different ways.

Patton had huffed and said in a tone Roman had never heard from him before: “Fine, see you tomorrow.” and he walked away.

And now in the middle of the night Roman couldn’t shake Patton's words out of his head. Mostly because he had been right.

He did miss Logan.

He looked at the little stars, just under his shoulder blade in the mirror. They always reminded him of Logan, and his ceiling full of glow in the dark stars. Too bad Logan hated his guts.

He put his shirt back on and looked through the window, out to the full moon and the stars.

He made his way downstairs careful not to wake up his moms’. Downstairs he bumped into Remus who snickered at him.

“Sneaking out little brother, I always figured you were too much of a goody-two-shoes for that.”

Roman eyed his sibling dubiously, they were wearing a neon green skirt with suspenders over a black crop-top, knee length boots, and those weird long fingerless gloves.

Roman wondered how they could possibly be related.

“First of all, what are you wearing? Second you are also sneaking out and third we are twins! And i was born first!”

Remus laughed and grabbed a rat out of their skirt pocket.

“Can you believe how easy it is to rile him up, Woody?” they said to the rat. “Isn't he ridiculous?”

“You are sneaking out with your rats?”

Remus carefully stuffed the rat back in their pocket and said: “Dee is having a party!”

As if this was an explanation for the rats. Also Roman knew very well Deceits “parties” consisted of either vandalising public property with anarchist messages or some other sort of public disturbance.

Roman shook his head and walked towards the door.

“Don’t get arrested, I won’t bail you out this time.” he called over his shoulder.

“I make no promises.” they said before disappearing through the kitchen window, for some reason.

Outside he wondered whether Logan joined them in their mischief these days.

Logan seemed like a rational individual, but slap a decent hypothesis to any shenanigans and he will call it an “experiment” and go along gleefully.

Or he used to anyway.

He walked towards the park remembering all the trouble they had gotten into, chuckling sadly at his memories.

He made it to the clearing as if last time had been yesterday, and not years ago.

There to his surprise was Logan Sanders, looking up to the sky and...crying?

“Logan?” he asked, unsure of whether or not he was dreaming.

Logan looked at him, a little bit shocked, but mostly he looked tired.

They stood still for a moment staring at each other tension everywhere.

Finally it was broken by a small, exhausted voice.

“I am tired of fighting, Roman.”

He looked so sad, so small, Roman wanted nothing more than to gather him in his arms.

He didn’t, instead he sat next to him.

“I think I am too.”

Silence fell over them again.

“Then pray tell,” Logan said. “What are we doing?”

Roman looked down at his hands.

“I don’t know,” he shook his head. “You promised you know.” Roman said bitterly. “Forever.”

Logan looked back at him, anger clearly bubbling right back into his stomach.

“Maybe we would’ve if you hadn’t replaced me!” he spat with venom in his voice.

Roman’s eyes widened in surprise he turned to Logan baffled.

“What?” Roman asked.

“Well it was clear you favored Patton, which I suppose should be fine, but-”

“Hold up! Time out!” Roman said shaking his hands. “You were jealous? You thought I liked Patton better?”

Now Logan looked equally baffled.

“I- yes?” he said.

Roman burst out laughing. Logan really didn’t get the joke.

“What?” he demanded.

“I thought you didn’t like me anymore! I mean we never hung out anymore and you seemed so distant.” he gripped Logan’s hands firmly into his own. “I love Patton don’t get me wrong, but I started hanging it with him because I was so lonely,” he looked into Logan’s eyes “without you.”

“You were?” Logan said his voice so small.

Thus Roman realised he was an idiot, a petty, stubborn, stupid moron .

“Yeah, I was.” he sighed sadly. “I am sorry, for what I said then and well for everything.”

Logan shook his head.

“It was so long ago.”

“I should never have said that.”

Logan smiled just a little bit.

“I apologize too, for everything.”

Roman smiled back.

“Man, I thought you were being a jerk to Patton for no reason.”

Now it was Logan’s turn to laugh, a little bitterly and with bitten back tears.

“Patton seemed so perfect, and with everything people were saying at school,” he looked away from Roman. “I did not think there was a way I could compete with him.”

Roman did hug him then, clutching to the back of his shirt, pressing Logan close and said:

“No one could ever compete with you, Specs.”

Logan’s heart soared, he hugged back and clung to Roman like a life raft, he let out a shaky laugh, a breath of relief and said very quietly but full of conviction:

“No one could ever compete with you either.”

They stayed in the park way too long, remembering old times, making plans for times ahead. Perhaps it should’ve been awkward, but somehow it wasn’t, they fit like two pieces of a puzzle, just like they always had.

They had years to catch up on, but soon they realised that their lives were still intertwined, their friendship group was pretty much the same and they shared extracurricular activities. They had never really been separated at all.

They did still bicker, but they didn’t fight and their words lacked bite or venom.

So they ended up pressed against each other, looking up at the stars. Logan’s head rested on Roman’s shoulder.

“Look it’s Cassiopeia.” Roman said, pointing at the constellation.

Logan couldn't quite bring himself to be embarrassed about the way he giggled.

“I thought I was supposed to be the astronomy guy.” he said.

Roman smiled into his hair.

“I did listen, you know, when you talked about the stars.”

Logan looked up at the stars and held Roman closer, he remembered, now how it had been so easy to promise him forever.

------------

The next day at Gainesville high school everyone was fairly sure the apocalypse had just started, because Roman Reyes and Logan Sanders had eaten lunch together, with all of their friends, who all seemed delighted and not at all bothered by it. And not just that they had, supposedly also sat together in all classes they could.

“You are kidding me, babe.” said Remy Katz taking a sip from his starbucks iced coffee.

“I swear I am not!” said a very baffled Emile Picani, “I saw them at lunch!”

“You sure they weren’t try to poison each others food? Secretly murdering each other through pure passive aggressiveness?”

Emile recalled how he had seen them, their smiles blinding, looking at each other as if they hung the moon and the stars in the sky.

“Yes, I am sure,” he said smiling “They seemed happy.”

-----------

Logan and Roman’s friends had varied reactions to finding their years long rivalry had ended with a good conversation and some hugs.

Patton was so utterly delighted he hadn’t been able to be mad at anyone, especially after Logan’s very sincere apology, the gist of which was “I was a jealous thirteen year old, and I am sorry.”

Patton had hugged Logan very tightly and handed him a blue bracelet with a little star in the middle.

Logan smiled surprised.

“How did you know I liked astrology?”

Patton smirked and said: “Roman talked about you, a lot.”

Roman turned cherry red and sputtered some nonsensical words.

And of course all his friends were kind enough to laugh at his expense, really loudly.

After that Virgil offered his reaction which had been something akin of “Fucking finally.”

To which Patton said: “Language, babe.”

And Roman got his revenge by laughing very loudly at Virgil's very red face.

Which was not much of a revenge at all because Patton felt so very sorry that they were laughing at his poor boyfriend and so kissed him quite sweetly.

To which Remus shouted: “get a room!” which they shouted while sitting on Dee’s lap with their legs coiled around each other.

Dee had then shook his head, looked Roman up and down and said: “I suppose we can add another moron to our group.” A statement that no one argued.

Everyone ate happily together, bickering loudly and laughing a tad too loud.

Patton and Virgil tentatively held hands under the table; their bracelet tattoos giving an illusion of hands bound together, content and forever.

Deceit and Remus ate, as always, half on each others laps, their arms twisted together to show the serpent seemingly pressing them together.

As for Roman and Logan? Well I hope it is established by now that they are clueless morons.

Yes, they were friends again, and everyone pretty much assumed they had figured out they were soulmates as well.

But

It took them a week more.

It all happened over lunch at Roman’s house, Roman was eating, or well he was shoving food in his mouth as rushed as possible.

His moms shared a knowing look.

“Are you going to Logan’s later?” Carmen aksed.

Roman’s face lit up and made something of a sound of agreement.

“After lunch!”

Everyone at the table couldn’t help but smile at his besotted face, even Remus.

“Well I am glad I don't have to hear your rants about not having a soulmate anymore, they were getting exhausting.” They said brightly.

Roman practically dropped his fork in shock, eyes wide he turned to his sibling.

“What?” Roman said, trying to process the sentence.

“Wait, you seriously hadn’t figured it out yet?” Remus said dumbfounded.

And when Roman, still shocked, shook his head, Remus burst into laughter joined by their moms’ not so subtle chuckling.

Roman on the other hand was freaking out.

“Oh my Gods! Logan is my soulmate?! Oh my- I- What?!” Roman sputtered.

Which just made Remus laugh harder.

“How do you know?” Roman continued “When did you see Logan shirtless? Wait! Do I want to know?”

Remus waved their hand dismissively.

“I got sulfuric acid on his shirt, doesn’t matter, long story, but like...you really didn’t know?!”

Roman felt like his world had been shaken upside down.

He had to-

“GO! I have to go!”

Carmen, who was still laughing said: “you are excused, Roman.”

As soon as she said that Roman bolted out of the door, nearly forgetting his shoes.

----------------

Roman knocked on Logan’s door excitedly. Logan’s dad opened the door and smiled down at him.

“It’s good to see you again Roman!”

Roman nodded politely, still practically vibrating from emotion.

Logan’s dad seemed to notice, laughed and said:

“Logan’s upstairs, you know the way.”

“Thanks Mr. Sanders.” Roman said as he dashed up the stairs.

Upstairs he actually barged into Logan’s room.

Logan looked up from his book and did not even try to hide his glee as he said:

“Roman! You are early.”

He also did not hide his surprise and subsequent rush of warmth to his face when Roman blurted out: “Take off your shirt!”

“I- wh- what?” he stammered.

Roman laughed, still bouncing.

“Ok, ok,” he said. “I could’ve frased that one better, wait let me just-”

Then Roman started taking his shirt off, oh Goodness Gracious-

“Roman what in the world are you-”

Then Roman turned around.

And Logan’s heart either stopped or started beating so fast he couldn’t properly feel it anymore. Because there, covering Roman’s right shoulder blade was a perfectly glitterly, stupidly cartoonish little galaxy.

“We are soulmates.” he stated.

And then again, and again and again getting steadily more excited as he went.

Roman looked on at his shiny face and wondered if it was possible to die of fondness and cuteness overload.

“Yeah, L.” Roman said, giggly and breathless. “We are.”

Logan came closer, laughing now, joy clear on his face.

“Oh,” he said shaking his head. “We are such idiots.”

“Oh yeah we are.”

Logan came to his senses only for a second to realise that Roman was still shirtless.

He coughed pointedly, Roman smirked.

“I don’t know, pocket protector, don’t like what you see?”

Logan swatted him lightly and gave him a fake scandalised look

“Put a shirt on, Roman.”

Roman pouted but obliged and put on his shirt, making a whole show of turning around and putting on his shirt as slowly as possible.

He turned around.

“So-” he started and never finished, because Logan grabbed him by the front of his shirt and kissed him.

Roman made a sound at the back of his throat between “delighted” and “please God more”. And he kissed back, practically making them both fall on Logan’s bed.

Their kiss, they both agreed, had to be magical, they were soaring flying and pulling each other closer and closer, practically melting against each other. They giggled and laughed and whispered sweet nothings that meant the world and nothing at all.

They ended up pulling apart only for the insufferable need for air.

They sat up on Logan’s bed,panting, pressed against each other, looking up at Logan’s glow in the dark stars in pleasant silence.

Roman gently brushed the hair out of his soulmates face and said softly:

“We will always be together, won’t we love?”

Logan smiled and leaned into his touch.

“Always is a long time, beloved.”

Roman tenderly brushed his cheek.

“You think we won’t be?”

Logan closed his eyes, smiling contendly.

“That’s not what I said.”

God, I love him so much. They both thought.

“Gosh, it’s almost as if you like me, nerd.”

They both giggled.

Then Logan pulled Roman even closer and whispered into Roman’s ear, very faintly, but with the conviction one could only have when speaking an absolute truth.

“I know we will be together forever.”

And they believed it, with all of their hearts, they did.

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nattravn-art · 5 years ago

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Living situation update!

I thought that, since it’s been a week I’ve done my emergency commission post, I owed you folks an update on what’s happening.

First of all, I’d like to thank you all, you who took a commission, added a tip to it or helped boosting my post! Your help is so, so much appreciated (plus you guys have the coolest commissions, srsly I’m blessed! ;u;). The commissions are still open as I’m still trying all I can to save money for our rent!

Second, a tl;dr: Things are moving forward and we’ve possibly found a new place! Owners of our current place are... not... very... compliant. And require we pay 3 months of rent for a place we can’t live in.

More detailed explanation below:

As explained in the commission post, me and my spouse @thecrimsonvalley cannot live on our apartment due to addict and violent neighbours, who are a constant disturbance due to their screams, loud thuds and horrid smoke stench (and kicking them out is against the law, despite their awful behaviour). We were put under antidepressants, which are working good despite the side effects of making us completely exhausted. We have a temporary living space for now, it’s a pretty small house in an camping ground on an island next to the sea. It isn’t half bad, absolutely not, aside the fact that we’re paying double rent, which is a huge dent in our economy as we’re two students. We’re still very thankful that the social services helped us find this place as we just couldn’t keep living in our apartment.

Health-wise, we are now doing better. The anxiety attacks were dampened and eventually stopped thanks to the meds and we can sleep normally again. We suffered slight post-traumatic stress signs around loud voice noises/smoke smells but they are calming down too. (Of course, we’re still closely followed by a psychologist and doctors.) We managed to eat normally again, as the smoke made us feel so sick we were unable to eat anything due tu nausea. I lost much more hair than usual and my stress-related conjunctivitis is back, which isn’t very practical when you work with art but hey... At least I could get my meds back. ^^’

The current owners have (with little enthusiasm and being pushed to do so by the social services) showed us a couple apartment that were: 1. smaller, 2. more expensive, 3. far from town and 4. with a total lack of shop/pharmacy in the area. We... weren’t very pleased.

Thankfully, facebook exists (and believe me, I never though I’d ever utter those words before) and on said platform there’s a group for apartment/house search in our region. My spouse took on the responsibility of posting a message there explaining our situation and lo and behold, a man owning a house in a town nearby happened to look for calm people he could rent an apartment to. We visited the apartment today and it was actually quite lovely. It’s currently being renovated a bit by the owner but it seems that will be our new place soon! It might be way further from where we study but as we see it, it is for the best (plus it’s easy to take the train so commute shouldn’t be a problem).

We’re (or well, again, my spouse who’s a native Swede contrary to me and my basic Swedish level) trying to contact our current landlords to terminate our contract but they require a 3 month payment for the apartment before we leave... the apartment in which we aren’t living... because of our neighbours... Oh and they said they’d go check the disturbance themselves but of course they never did. Did I mention they called our neighbours to tell them about the disturbance, and the neighbours rejected the fault onto THEIR neighbours? And lied saying the noise wasn’t from them, while we heard them shouting from the balcony right above us? Anyway...

This is how we are now. We hope we can come to an agreement, as we are not needing to move our of will. Next step should be writing a contract for this new place and move in. I have the feeling this month is going to be a wee bit crazy but hey, we’re moving forward and it’s all what matters!

#life update #thank you all for your support!

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sharethisgemwithme · 6 years ago

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Zach and Grace Friday panel at Connecticon 2019

Some highlights and notes from the "Growing Up with Steven Universe" panel featuring Zach Callison and Grace Rolek, Friday afternoon at Connecticon 2019. There are some promo spoilers. Most quotes are approximate from the notes I took on my phone. There may be a recording of the panel, but the camera was blocked by the audience question line for a while and when I got to the front of the line, I saw it wasn't even pointed at Zach and Grace.

Sorted into broad categories:

Movie hype / spoilery talk

Host asked about the poster. Zach said he's kinda looked at it, but not studied it closely. Grace: "Spoiler alert, someone has a neck." Zach: "That's all anyone can talk about."

What's the hardest scene to record that you've done. Zach: "I hate to do this but the hardest scene I've done I did a few weeks ago and I can't talk about it for quite a while." [audience groans]

Audience member: "I have a question about the movie." Zach makes police siren noises, "Oh no the Cartoon Network spoiler police!"

Attempts to get even small details were denied. "So we saw you have a neck. Is your voice going to change?" [pause] Zach: "A week from today (Friday), there's a big panel and there's gonna be a bunch of stuff. I recommend you watch."

This was earlier in the day, when I met Zach in the autograph line. Me: "I'm really looking forward to all the stuff that's gonna come out next week in San Diego." Zach: "There's so much. I'm not going to be there, after six years of going, I need a vacation."

Zach makes ABUNDANTLY clear how excited he is for what's coming up, "I am thrilled with what they've done after CYM."

Reaction to the new gems from CYM. Zach: "Sunstone is one of my favorites now. Like an after-school camp counselor." Grace: "Obsidian is one of the hardest secrets I've ever had to keep on this show." They finished recording CYM in 2017!

Have you ever cried in the recording booth? Zach: "Over a dozen times. One time really badly... with something that hasn't come out yet."

What's the biggest theme you've taken from the show? Zach: "I'm really sorry to do this, but I'm gonna skip this question because the theme I take away is something that hasn't come up in the show yet." He says the show has become intensely personal to him and his experiences, both intentionally and unintentionally, and says if he accidentally gave hints as to upcoming themes, it wouldn't be fair to the crew. (This probably ties in with some of the stuff below under “Outside of SU”)

Favorites and funniest

What's the hardest scene to record that you've done. Among stuff that's aired, Zach: Storm in the Room. Connie: "Either Nightmare Hospital or Full Disclosure when Connie is like 'Stop ghosting me, Steven!' "

What are some funny moments from recording? The opening scene from "Winter Forecast", the directors INSISTED on real marshmallows, "nothing else would do". Grace: "And these were not small. There's jumbo and then there's novelty size." Zach: "They got novelty size." Grace: "I could barely fit one inside my mouth."

Favorite episode (this question might've had a "besides the Big Plot episodes" caveat).

Zach: "Onion Gang. Any of the weird Onion episodes."

Grace: "I realize this is an unpopular opinion but I love the Ronaldo episodes. I have a Keep Beach City Weird sticker on my laptop. I don't like having stuff that's too overtly Steven Universe because I don't like to toot my own horn, but KBCW is great because it's 'if you know, you know'." Zach: "It's a lifestyle."

That segued into talk about "Rocknaldo", which Zach thought was hilarious, especially the way CN trolled everyone with the Bloodstone promo. Grace "Was that the one where Ronaldo tried to kill someone in the basement?" Discussion brings up that's "Horror Club". Grace continues, "That was a great one, like what are we DOING? No one went to jail for this?"

Favorite songs:

First, ones that they did.

Zach said "Let's Only Think About Love". I think he added a second one, but my notes say “or” and then stop there so I think I moved on to the next bit and forgot what else he said.

Grace says "Of course 'Do it for Her'" but also that she loved providing background harmonies for "Escapism". "Aly and AJ was the first concert I ever went to, so to do back-up vocals for AJ was the greatest fangirl moment." (There’s been some confusion as to whether Zach and Grace had vocals on that song, it’s now clear that they did)

Then, overall. Zach immediately sings "It's over, isn't it? Isn't it over?" Grace grumbles that she can't take the same answer, so she throws out "Stronger Than You".

"Back in the start of the show, it was a lot more lighthearted. What's the funniest or weirdest line you had to record?" Zach IMMEDIATELY goes into voice: "A boy on the cusp of manhood can't spend the whole day wackering." Grace enjoyed her line from "Open Book": "Of course you like the ending, you LOVE schmultz."

Pivoting into the weirdness of early episodes, Zach says "Frybo and Cat Fingers were back to back, 5 and 6. I don't know how anyone stuck with the show after that."

What's the biggest theme you've taken from the show? Grace: "I think about Mindful Education all the time. Here Comes a Thought is such a great song but also an important mantra."

Other than Uncle Grandpa, what crossover would you like to do? Zach: "I wanna be the very best!" Audience cheers. Grace says she would've loved to do "Adventure Time".

This segues into a joke that people confuse Zach for Jeremy Shada (Finn), in some cases even when Zach is standing in front of a poster that says ZACH CALLISON. Grace says that her boyfriend loves the joke so much that Zach is listed in his phone as "Jeremy Shada".

Behind the scenes

What was it like seeing the show blow up the way it did? Grace: "I used to go on Tumblr and read all the posts, all the reactions people had, but after Jail Break... couldn't do that anymore." Zach: "I poke my head into a reddit every once in a while."

What's it like in the booth with the rest of the cast? Grace: "Deedee and Michaela always get to do the funniest things."

Discussion of how voice acting lends them a little more anonymity than live-action, and there's still a spectrum of how recognizable people are.

Grace recounts a story from earlier in the day, possibly on the way to that very panel. "The elevator was pretty crowded and I was able to get on but Zach wasn't. And as soon as it closed, one of the other people in the elevator was like 'Oh my god, Zach Callison almost got on the elevator with us!' And I was like 'Oh my god, that would've been so cool!'"

Both Zach and Grace recounted times when they've greeted stranger wearing SU apparel and gotten blank stares in response, like, "Uh, yeah, what's your point?"

Zach: "As of Sunday, I'm leaving the country to be a hobo for a bit." He's flying to Siberia, then taking a 62-hour train ride to get on a boat to Korea, where he plans to visit the Korean animation studio where SU is drawn (as seen in "Steven's Dream"), something almost no actors do (apparently Michaela was more or less the first to do so, for any show at all).

Sometimes Grace will have a lot of "catching up" to do with the plot. "One time Rebecca was like 'oh by the way Lars is pink now." Zach jokes, "Lars is pink, Ronaldo and Pearl are married, oh and Steven is dead."

Have you ever cried in the recording booth? Zach: "Over a dozen times." Grace says she has, sometimes in group records.

More joking around: "Yes, I'm Zach Callison, the voice of Onion. I'll be in my booth." "You should have a print that's just Onion." "With the flames behind him."

What were your auditions like? Grace: "I was reading the sides from 'Bubble Buddies', and Connie is worried she's gonna die with no friends and I was like 'This is a kids show? This is a show for children and I'm supposed to say these words?!'" She saw Rebecca Sugar's name attached to the show, which she recognized as a fan of Adventure Time, particularly Marceline "I'm edgy like her!"

Audience member starts her question: "Ohmygod, my heart is in my ass. Wait, can I say ass?" Grace: "You can say whatever you want, you're not under the thumb of Time Warner." Zach: "Technically, I've never signed any NDA. Oh hell, I'm leaving the country in three days. ACT ONE!" [laughter, and he does not continue with joke spoilers]

Outside of Steven Universe

Tell us about yourself outside of Steven Universe. Zach: "I'm a dirty rowdy hippie." He goes to music festivals barefoot (but not urban ones).

Zach talked about some of the over-the-top scenes he's been in or seen on "The Goldbergs", where he plays a minor recurring character, including one where the actual rain they were filming in wasn't enough, so the producers dumped thousands of gallons of additional rainwater on the cast.

Zach said he hasn't auditioned for anything new in a while (I think he said at least a year) because of burnout. Whenever SU may end, he's ready for a break. Following on with that, discussion of what a shitty industry Hollywood is, especially for kids.

Zach: "A lotta people (in this industry), their big break is a show they hate, and that kills me to think that. And it couldn't be further from the truth for anyone in SU. If I had booked a live-action sitcom that ran six seasons, I wouldn't be here. I'd be in a much darker place."

What would you be doing if not this?

Zach: "I enrolled in college, signed up for things, never went to class, and eventually dropped out. I never had any other plan." Ties into further discussion of what an absolute nightmare Hollywood is for kids, that some of his friends from high school are no longer around.

Grace: "I went to college for two years (she would've graduated this spring), trying to make sure I had a plan B lined up. But flying back and forth from San Francisco to Los Angeles was getting ridiculous and I realized I wasn't being fair to my plan A."

#connecticon #steven universe #zach callison #grace rolek

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gore-hovnd · 5 years ago

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So a few days I posted that I’d outlined my headcanon for Jack’s life up until the events of TWS and I got some good advice to post it. So I prettied it up and fleshed out a few concepts and now I’m throwing it at tumblr

Now, these are just my headcanons, and yes I’m forcing HH into it bc I love the ship and even though it’d never happen in canon, it was fun to kinda toy with the whole “how they met” idea. So yeah, here’s this and I’m gonna go lay down lol

I’ll see about doing one for Brock too? Just depends on how long it takes for me to think of stuff up for him.

Jack’s Timeline

• Jack Rollins was born in 1974 to John and Leanne Rollins in the mountains of Colorado, right outside of a major city

• At the time of his birth he was their fifth son but would end up being the middle sibling of nine

◦ The reason Jack’s parents had so many children was because Leanne had grown up an only child and recalled how lonely it was. She never wanted her kids to be lonely so she decided she wanted a lot of them. Originally, she’d planned to stop at five but Leanne and John decided they wanted to keep trying until they had a girl.

• Jack’s siblings consist of:

‣ Matthias - 1964

‣ Titus and T.J. - 1966

‣ Lawson - 1970

‣ Cooper - 1980

‣ Benjamin - 1982

‣ Samuel - 1983

‣ Annalise - 1985

• Jack was born premature and doctors didn’t think he would survive

◦ Because of this, Leanne favored him and always kept a close eye on him

• During Jack’s early life, his parents thought he may have had a learning disability due to the fact that he rarely, if ever spoke.

◦ It turned out that Jack was selectively mute

• John didn’t take well to this diagnosis and wanted to try to force Jack to speak

◦ He suggested doing this by forcing Jack to verbally ask for things like food, water, bathroom breaks, etc.

‣ Leanne rejected this and instead decided that Jack would be treated by a therapist

• Jack began to speak more in middle school

◦ It started out with asking / answering questions in class, asking to borrow a pencil from classmates, etc.

• By the time Jack was in 8th grade, while still shy, was able to speak with relative ease

• In 1987, when Jack was 13, his mother passed away due to an ongoing heart condition

◦ Because of this, Jack’s family feared he would stop talking again

• While Jack didn’t stop talking, he also didn’t seem to mourn the loss of his mother either

• Concerned with this, John had sent Jack to a new therapist

◦ The new therapist claimed Jack was going through a period of dissociative shock

‣ It took years of therapy and counseling for Jack to open up and properly grieve

• Jack ended up going to a different high school than most of his peers from middle school and had to basically start over.

• For a little while he would keep to himself and didn’t really take the steps to make any new friends

◦ Until three months into the semester when he was paired up to work on an assignment with a boy named Dalton

• Dalton took a liking to Jack and introduced him to the rest of his friend group; consisting of Cole, Braxton, Lucan, and Matt

• The boys grew close together; they would hang out after school together and Jack would go to their drama club performances even though he was too shy to be in one himself.

• During spring break of his freshman year, Jack found out and met Braxton’s two dads, Arthur and Christopher

◦ Before this, Jack had never met a gay couple before

‣ Meeting them sprung questions of Jack’s own sexuality

• When Jack’s dad found out about Braxton’s parents, he reacted very negatively and this scared Jack back into his shell

◦ He rarely spoke to his father about anything after that

• For the entirety of his sophomore year and the majority of his junior year, Jack tried to ignore his sexuality

• Until finally, nearing the end of his junior year, he came out to Arthur and Christopher and asked them for advice

◦ The two of them told Jack he could always confide in them

• At 18, Jack developed a crush on a new student who’d moved to Colorado from Los Angeles

• This boy’s name was Christian and the two of them began to date soon after meeting

• Jack told Christian that he didn’t want to go public about their relationship, basically stating he liked to keep his personal life private

◦ Christian agreed not to say anything

• The two of them dated for a few months but that all came to a screaming halt during winter break

• Christian had gone over to the Rollins’ home asking for him and responded with “Jack’s boyfriend” when John asked Christian who he was.

• John was absolutely livid and kicked Jack out without a second thought.

◦ Jack and Christian got into a huge argument over this and broke up due to it

• Jack’s uncle, Mike, had offered a place for Jack to stay

◦ He slept on Mike’s couch for the final semester of his senior year

• Once Jack graduated, he enlisted in the Marines and disappeared without telling his family anything.

• Six weeks into boot camp, he’d given into the guilt and wrote letters to T.J., who was the only one of his siblings who still spoke to him, as well as his uncle

• While in the Marines, Jack pretty much shed his childhood shyness entirely and grew to be more self confident.

◦ He also became a trained sniper and demolitions expert

• In late 2000, Jack was in an unfortunate accident while on deployment that left him blind in his left eye

◦ Because of this, Jack was discharged

• After being discharged, with pretty much nowhere to go, Jack spent 9 months on the streets.

◦ But in August of 2001, when Jack was 27, an agent got in contact with him and told Jack he worked for a government funded agency that recruited and rehabilitated veterans for reenlistment.

• Jack agreed to sign a contract and go with this agent

• During training, which was long and grueling, he met a man named Ellison Lomack and the two of them quickly became friends.

• Jack spent five years going on missions for this agency, assuming that he was once again an active duty Marine

• In 2006 he was given the opportunity to be brought onto an elite STRIKE team that could earn him up to $95,000 a year.

◦ Jack was chosen to be the Second in Command of STRIKE Team Alpha

• His orientation to this team was when he’d found out he was part of HYDRA

• Being told, essentially, that he would either continue working or be killed, Jack chose the former

• Being the chosen SIC, Jack had to go through extra training and bonding with the STRIKE team’s commander, Brock Rumlow

◦ Brock told Jack when they first met; “I trust you with my life, you gotta learn to trust me with yours.”

• In the first few months, Brock was almost glued to Jack’s hip any time they were at work or in the field

◦ Including times when Jack was diffusing bombs, which freaked Jack out

• Over time, Brock and Jack began to work together like a well oiled machine, Jack’s calm and calculating personality working well with Brock’s brazen and abrasive one.

• And in 2009, while drinking after a highly successful mission, Brock and Jack had drunk sex in the hotel room of the British Prime Minister, hardly slipping away before they got caught

• Jack began to recognize his feelings for Brock after this night but refused to pursue anything, feeling as though it would be safer to preserve their established relationship

◦ Everything pretty much went back to normal

• Two years passed and their relationship grew stronger, but never took a romantic turn. Until one night on a particularly difficult mission where everything had gone tits up and they only had 24 hours to fix it.

◦ Brock is stressed out about it and laments that he isn’t afraid to die, but admits he wished he could’ve spent more time with Jack before he did

• Brock and Jack share a kiss under the stars in a desert and fuck on the hood of their military issued Jeep while their team sleeps in a safe house 20 feet away.

• After this mission, that they were able to pull off by the skin of their teeth, Brock and Jack make things official.

◦ Both of them lead relatively private lives and don’t make it known to the rest of the team that they’re seeing each other

• Three years pass and six months before Project Insight, Brock brings up the idea of getting married for the sake of spousal immunity just in case things don’t go as planned.

◦ So they get married, something simple at the court house and neither of them change their names.

• Afterward, Brock and Jack are living happily as a married couple and they fantasize about what kind of life they hope to share when Insight goes through and they’re finally free from HYDRA’s demanding grip

• Project Insight comes along and Brock and Jack meet the infamous Winter Soldier

• Project Insight launches and things go horribly wrong

• Brock splits up with Jack at the Trisk, telling Jack to head back out and that he’d meet him outside.

◦ Initially, Jack follows the instructions given. But a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach has him turning around to go and get Brock

• The helicarriers crash into the building and Jack gets caught beneath the rubble

• He’s stuck there for two days before he finally succumbs and the entire time, all he could do was fiddle with his ring and think about Brock.

#mcu #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #headcanons #hydra husbands #rumrollins #jack rollins #brock rumlow #crossbones #jack doesn't get a happy ending #idk why i just guess i wanted to suffer #i like to think that he got out of insight alive and lead a happy life in hiding #but that probably didn't happen #doin myself a sad

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pxiao · 5 years ago

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Reasons I’m glad V///R is dead and gone forever

So V//R is dead and cancelled and my only reaction is FINALLY. Since VR is gone and we can finish forgetting the forgettable show and get rid of all our salt. You’re free to add to the post but there are rules.

1. DO NOT TAG IT SO THE FANS CAN SEE. As much as I hate the show and the fandom even they don’t deserve to see people bashing the show in their tag.

2. Don’t write the name of the show or the characters. Use /// or ---- in the character’s name like Yu///saku so the tumblr search can’t pull them up

ok good? Good.

Everyone but Yu///saku is worthless.

Seriously when have any of the characters actually progressed the story? Potentially only SB have done anything truly worthwhile. Everyone else was just to die to build tension for Yu//saku. And if you’re asking for RE///volver. OHHH I have a section just for him, don’t you worry.

Sto//rm Acc/ess aka Yu//saku is such a shitty duelist that the MINORITY of his duels has him not cheating.

SERIOUSLY it’s written that Yu//saku can get a random extra deck monster with his skill BUT the issue is despite it being “random” Yu//saku ALWAYS gets the monster he needs to win. NOT ONCE IN THE 100+ EPISODE HAS HE GOTTEN A USELESS CARD. ALWAYS THE ONE HE NEEDS. Totally doesn’t seem like plot armor. And you know it wouldn’t be as big of an issue IF HE DIDN’T USE IT FOR EVERY SPE///ED DUEL!!!!!!!! For a character that the show likes to say is “invincible” he sure isn’t good enough to win with the deck he built. It got ridiculous with his duel with G/oo in season 2 where G//o countered his skill BUT A//i revealed it had a secondary effect that let him draw a card AND still get a new extra deck monster.

Plot twists:

They fall into two camps, “we already knew you dumbasses” or “THE HELL WERE YOU GUYS SMOKING!” Essentially the twists are obvious like A///i was based off of Yu//saku’s data as why wouldn’t he be. Or the dumb ones like Spec///tre beating A///oi or somehow Spec//tre had CONSCIOUS TREE AS A MOTHER. There have been a few twists that I can count that surprised me but they lead to other twists that fall back into stupid.

the “Plot” just plain doesn’t exist.

It’s just things happening with some connecting plot lines BUT they rarely lead into each other. Light///ning revealed that his plan was happening THE EXACT SAME TIME as season 1′s finale. A//i being the villain is more due to Light//ning’s simulation somehow proving that A///i will destroy humanity than the fact that A/i’s the only Ig//nis left. And each season’s arc has no connecting plot either. Season 1 can be broken down to Yu//saku gets A//i which has him meet the “main cast�� and then Yu///saku go to S//OL for info that was TOTALLY pointless. Which is isolated from Re//volver setting a virus that traps you on the internet which leads to Re//volver learning Yusa//ku’s face AND MEETING HIM but does jack shit with that info. And then Re///volver’s final plan happens that was based on timing than anything else.

Does that seem disjointed? YEP because there is no narrative at all, things are just happening. There is a vague connection at best but none of the characters’ actions actually affect how the story goes. THE FRUSTRATING PART IS THEY SET UP MOMENTS WHERE THEY COULD HAVE BUT THEY DIDN’T. SEASON 2 AND 3 IS THE SAME THINGS JUST HAPPEN AND THEN YU//SAKU HAS TO SAVE THE FUCKING DAY. V/R has no rhyme or reason why things happen, they just do and let me tell you, that’s fucking boring.

The Yu//saku praise

My fucking god. Look the protagonist getting praised isn’t new, it happens with each series BUT the issue is the volume that Yu//saku gets and how early he gets it. Most protagonists have to wait till at least the second series before the population love them. Yu///saku got it by the THIRD EPISODE. BY. BEAT. A. MOOK. He was called a hero, people were saying he was hot, people were copying his avatar. AND IT NEVER STOPPED. EVERY OTHER EPISODE HAS SOMEONE SAY HE’S AMAZING, STRONG AND SOOO IMPORTANT.

An A//oi episode in season 1 has a less than five minute section just to show that a kid HERO WORSHIPS YU//SAKU AND WAS IT. The kid appears with an avatar based on PM, PM saves him and tells the kid to trust him to save and then the kid logs out. AND THIS HAPPENS CONSTANTLY. “YU//SAKU IS INVINCIBLE”, “YU//SAKU IS MY HERO!”, “EVERYONE DEPENDS ON YOU YU//SAKU”. IT’S BEEN AN ENTIRE SHOW OF PEOPLE SINGING YU///SAKU’S PRAISES AND THE WORST PART OF IT IS, HE DESERVES NONE OF IT.

The setting.

Let me ask ... THE FUCK IS IT. What even is Link Vr//ains? Is it a game, a site, a program? WHY IS IT ONLY IN DE///N CITY? WHY IS DESTROYING IT WILL LEAD TO THE ENTIRE INTERNET CRASHING???????? Link Vr///ains is something that NEEDS to be explained but the show NEVER DOES. HELL IT NEVER EVEN TRIES.

The girls

Jesus christ ... the girls are .... just sad. A///oi ... my fucking god A//oi. A///oi’s personality starts and ends with “onii-sama”. NEARLY EVERY MOTIVE OF HER’S IS I WANT TO DO SOMETHING FOR MY STEPBROTHER. Everything else is a passing fancy. Mi///yu? Yeah nice motivation but that’s why her two duels as BM in season 2 is more about her relationship with Ak//ira than her “friend”.

Em//ma’s backstory was absorbed into BS’ despite the fact he was a new addition when Em//ma was around since season 1.

Vir//ya is just a bit character meant to fill out the remain KOH, since their return in season 2, she haven’t done anything of value.

Qu///een ... why is she there? I mean she appeared in a Bikini ... in virtual reality. seriously there is no point in that shit, and then did nothing besides watch over Ear//th’s death and then lost to A//i when her skill was named honey trap.

Mi////yu is so unimportant we haven’t gotten a scene of her out of flashback despite being a lost chi//ld.

Back to A//oi, it’s not even that A//oi isn’t important,sadly that’s not uncommon in YGO, it’s the fact EACH TIME SHE TRIES TO DO SOMETHING, THE SHOW PUNISHES HER FOR IT. She tries to be a symbol for people, it’s stupid why she trying but still, Spec///tre reveals he was toying with her the entire time and she had no chance. She tries to get stronger in season 2, SB beats cause she doesn’t have an Ig//nis and then she does nothing for half the season. She tries to save her “childhood friend”, Bow//man beats her and takes her consciousness so Yu//saku has to save her ... again. She tries to protected Ak//ira, A//i beats them and only takes A//oi to taunt her over her failure. THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SHOW, ANYTIME A//OI TRIES TO DO ANYTHING, THE SHOW BEAT HER UP AS IF TO SAY, YOU SHOULDN’T DO ANYTHING EVER. Great message there.

Simulations

You know as people there are plenty of reasons that conflict starts, greed, hate, anger, lust, desperation to survive, hunger. And how does conflict start in V/r? FUCKING SIMULATIONS. EVERY SINGLE CONFLICT IN THIS SHOW IS BECAUSE OF A SIMULATION. K//OH are a thing cause Kog///ami did a simulation that showed that the Ig//nis are learning TOO FAST AND WILL CAUSE THE END OF HUMANITY. Ligh///tning turned evil because he learned no matter what he can NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH HUMANITY CAUSE OF A SIMULATION. A///i turning “evil” because he’s doom to end the world cause of you guessed it a SIMULATION. Simulations are just tools and are NEVER THE FINAL RESULT. There are too many variables to truly make an 100% accurate simulation BUT HERE THEY ACT AS IF SIMULATIONS ARE A FUCKING GOSPEL. IT’S STUPID AND INCREDIBLY LAZY THAT THE CAUSE OF ALL the conflict in this show is because of independent simulations.

Mental illness

As a person with a mental illness and went to therapy I can say this, VR doesn’t deserve any brown points for covering mental illness. If anything VR touching mentally illness takes points away. I have already said my piece on how poorly VR tackles mental illness. But my take away is this when it comes to mental illness VR is a absolutely horrible.

Rev///ovler

Re//voler is in all honestly a shitty character despite what his fans think. He’s an asshole that has no drive of his own. He admit he does this all BECAUSE OF HIS DAD. The one time he did do something of his own accord, turn his dad in, he later regretted so much that he refuses to do it again. LOOK I can understand missing your father despite the fact he’s trash, human relationships are complex BUT RE///VOLVER BEING “FATHER I WILL NEVER EVER GO AGAINST YOU AGAIN DESPITE THE FACT YOU KIDNAPPED KIDS AND THEN TORTURED THEM BECAUSE YOU FELT SAD HUMAN WILL EVENTUALLY GO EXTINCT ONLY TO TURN ON YOUR CREATIONS” IS FUCKING STUPID. And then he goes the EXTRA MILE OF ASS and says to Yu//saku’s face that he REGRETS SAVING HIS LIFE TWICE. And he never apologized either.

Also his “development” is forced as shit, Revo//lver never develops onscreen or shows signs of changing, just the show and characters say OH YES RE//VOLVER CHANGED.... IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. Honestly after his return in season 2 where he showed he DIDN’T CHANGE, then he tries to help Hom//ura despite telling Yu//saku he regrets saving him. WHY THE CHANGE. HE HAS SEEN NOTHING THAT MADE HE FEEL SYMPATHY FOR THE LOST KI//DS. BUT HE’S ALL OF A SUDDEN KIND TO HO///MURA. AND THEN AFTER HE LOSES TO LIGH//TNING AND SAY’S A/I NAME, ONLY TO SNAP BACK IN SEASON 3 AND WANTS TO KILL A///I. What I’m saying is, he has no real character development, you can tell what the show WANTED him to become but my god they were too lazy to actually show him changing.

Yu//saku

OH BOY this is going to be long. Yu//saku is by far the WORST WRITTEN PROTAGONIST IN YGO HISTORY. He has no personality and no real background besides HE WAS TORTURED, POOR HIM!!!!! Seriously what was his life like before the Lo//st Incident. What did he like to do, did he have friends, where the fuck are his parents. There is no information about him, past or present. Like his current “personality”, WHAT IS IT besides he’s stoic/emotionless. He’s not nice or even mean anymore. He has no likes or even dislikes. All we know is he’s determined ... and that’s it. Yu//saku is a blank slate for the viewers to project on. Yu//saku is honestly NOTHING.

Honestly, Yu///saku isn’t strong as he cheats the MAJORITY of his duels, he isn’t smart as rarely does he do anything that’s smart, wanting to brutal force the solution and he doesn’t follow his own advice.

Yu//saku: Bonds are important and the only thing that are absolutes

Yu//saku then fucks off for 3 MONTHS NOT TELLING ANYONE

And like Re//volver, his “development” is forced as hell. He just says things that make no sense for him to say. Yu//saku shouldn’t say revenge doesn’t help WHEN IT OBVIOUSLY DID. The show was supporting him and he got the guy that kidnapped him killed and then he got better. HELL JI//N WAS SAID TO GET BETTER ONCE THE K//OH WERE BEAT.

#vr damn it

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steve0discusses · 6 years ago

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Yugioh S3 Ep 31-32: Marik Takes a Shower

Ah, what time is it? It’s time for Yugi to finally duel Seto Kaiba, who has been waiting very impatiently to duel him for last 50 episodes. Basically since the beginning-middle of Season 2.

So, a side note, in my quest to try and make sure this blog remains legible and accessible for everyone (despite how often Tumblr tries to flag me for adult content), you’ll notice some changes--first off, certain characters have been given a texture to their text so it’s easier to tell apart if you are colorblind. From here on out, Kaiba is this chrome-y gradient color pattern, to match how cool he thinks he is.

Second off, I went and made all the photos a bit larger, which was completely pointless as tumblr hates text posts, and so although I told the blog to do high res photo’s only, that only applies to photo posts. Apparently all text post images are rounded down to a smooth 500 no matter what in this theme and I could change my theme but then I’d have to change a lot of things. I went in to the HTML/CSS editor and as far as I can tell there’s just nothing I can do.

Anyway, Kaiba immediately picks up on the fact that none of Yugi’s friends are here so he tries to play into Yugi’s insecurities. This is pointless, as Yugi is already insecure about basically everything anyway.

And so about the rest of this episode is just Kaiba and Yugi disagreeing with what the purpose of dueling cards is. Surprisingly, no one said “getting soooo much money from children” which is what the people who funded this show were thinking.

(read more under the cut)

Really, truly, honestly, Kaiba’s past self beat Pharaoh once, straight up killed the original King of Games who had complete control of his vague magic at the time. But Pharaoh isn’t even going to fathom Kaiba beating Marik. Like...Kaiba could do it.

One of the weird parts of this show is that everyone but Yugi is bad at cards but they keep showing us proof that, no really, they’re great at cards, just not when Yugi is looking (especially Duke, omg).

But the tension of this duel hinges on this assumption that if Yugi loses, then Kaiba has to duel Marik and he’ll just flat out lose. But...would he? Kaiba actually did proper research on these cards while Yugi is just kind of winging it and is also two people.

And then Tea had the audacity to say this, within hearing range of everyone else.

(and also, Duke has faint horizontal line patterns now. He speaks with a slight plaid.)

But Tea, for reals?

WHEN!?

When has it NOT?

It was only for a brief second but you bet your ass I stopped the footage there and smh.

And then Kaiba decided to use the holograms for actual hologram things. But in the most embarrassing socially awkward Kaiba way possible.

I kind of love how this show draws generic white people. With just the weirdest eyes ever. It’s like somewhere between Ghibli and the original Sealab2020.

Since Roland decided to go and help Kaiba destroy the world, Tristan took over being the useless person in the room to shout orders at this genius child who absolutely does not need Tristan’s help.

Tristan isn’t exactly a tech guy so I guess he was just there to give Mokuba anxiety.

And then, a very cool thing happened.

Yes, that’s right. It’s a Marik Shower Scene.

Turn on that slow anime lo-fi music and glory at this sexy...sink faucet???

Y’ALL.

WHAT!????

I feel like I just learned a lot about Marik. He’s surrounded by the forefront of technology, surrounded by So Many Purple Shampoo Bottles, but like...I don’t think he ever really caught on to the whole running water thing. This kind of infers that like...he’s been doing this sink routine in whatever bathroom is around for like all the years he’s been on the surface.

And like maybe.....maaaaybe he just needed to cool off. But there’s a big difference between spritzing your face and just shoving your entire head and all it’s anime hair into the sink. One is a spritz, and the other is a camp shower.

Wow.

Y’all, I’m still thinking about that Spinoff I wish existed. I’m still thinking about “Marik’s Boat Time”, just about the every day life of Marik stumbling through basic chores. I just want to see Bandit Keith going into the communal restroom they had on that boat, attempting to shave in the mirror while Marik comes in and just dunks his entire face into the nearest sink.

Oh, and PS, Marik’s font is embossed now. He’s an embossed Comic Sans Papyrus font. The most offensive font choice I could think of. Seems like something a villain could really get into.

I don’t really go over the card games here but this sequence was a whole lot of Kaiba forgetting how Yugi’s deck works.

And PS, in this flashback, Seto Kaiba was watching them do this duel from just offscreen. He watched Joey have to exchange cards with Yugi and then I guess Seto just...forgot that Yugi has this card? Although Seto Kaiba made sure to use the duel disk system so he could spy and know what everyone’s deck is?

Seto...

Anyway, from that flashback, Yugi remembers that Joey is a Big Boy and that he is Resilient and Not A Baby, and figures, he won’t die for reals. He’ll be good.

Whatever works for him.

should’ve could’ve...

But anyways, short on content today, so it was a short post. Ah, just like I always intended for these posts to be.

And if you just got here, congrats on reading this entire post despite coming in at the middle of S3. This is a link to these recaps in chrono order so you can start at Episode 1.

#yugioh #yu gi oh #S3 Ep31 #S3 Ep32 #I can't believe I we got our anime shower scene #marik ishtar #yugi muto #seto kaiba #joey wheeler #still in a coma #mokuba #tristan taylor #the return of kaiba's freakin terrible hat #tea gardner #duke devlin

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alkja · 6 years ago

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Well, here we come: Endgame review (spoilers galore)

Endgame is essentially two different movies for me: the one up until the last three minutes and the one that includes those last three minutes.

The first is a decent movie – riddled with stupid crap, plot holes and the occasional nonsense, but on the whole acceptable.

The second is a waterfall of crap that makes me seethe in anger.

If you liked that ending, I seriously discourage you from keeping on reading. Otherwise, let us discuss the good, the bad, the wtf and the “How dare you?”

THE “DID YOU EVEN TRY THINKING ABOUT THIS” DIVISION

Let’s start with the inevitable: time shenanigans equal inevitable fuckery. That is known.

The most egregious example being: Nebula kills her younger self and is apparently fine and dandy. What the shit? I don’t care if you killed her in 2023 (or whenever Endgame happens, I’m going with Infinity War happening in 2018 as released), if Nebula 2014 dies there is no Nebula 2015 and so on to eventually become Nebula 2023. Ergo, she should absolutely have died. Same with Thanos & Co. No matter where you do it, if you kill a past version of someone, there is no one to do the things they would have done in the future. Thanos 2014 dies, so there cannot be a Thanos from after that to do the Snap.

Which is not bad, go ahead and kill past versions of evil shits, but doing so changes the timeline. Period. Rodhey even proposed that and they had a long nerd out about why that would not be possible... and then they went and did that and pretended it didn’t count. That is so goddamn stupid.

Same with all the time travel.

I don’t care if you go and put the Infinity Stones back, because those stupid McGuffins are not the only thing that can mess the timeline. First of all, there is no one to use them anyway since Thanos died before he did the Snap, but we’re supposed to ignore that.

More to the point, in order to put the timeline to right, you have to put the Stones back after the future Avengers have stolen them. Fine, that puts them back in the timeline. However, that doesn’t erase the actions your slightly-past selves have taken trying to grab them. Which means, for example, that Loki fucking escaped with the Tesseract after Avengers 1, which is a MAJOR change.

Or, it should be. But apparently we’re supposed to ignore that because in the Dark World time Loki is in his cell, and wow. NO. If he escapes in Avengers 1 (with the Tesseract to boot), that leads to massive changes in Dark World and Ragnarok. For one thing, without the Tesseract, the Bifrost cannot be repaired. More essential to those plots, Loki should plainly not be there.

Putting the sceptre back also doesn’t erase the fact that Captain America said “Heil Hydra” to a Hydra agent (oh oh oh, such canny comic references!), who apparently never mentioned it again to anyone ever? Not even to his goddamn boss? So, did Sitwell legitimately think Steve was Hydra up until Winter Soldier? And yet come Winter Soldier he never thought to ask Steve “Wait, even if you’re not actually Hydra, you clearly knew about us for years, so why are you now so outraged like this is brand new information for you? Why did it take you this long to move against us and why are you doing it without much in the way of planning or allies? The hell did you do these past years?”

Hell, why did Sitwell – a prominent Hydra agent in SHIELD who would not raise any flags doing so – never approach Steve, Hydra agent to Hydra agent? No, he discovers that Captain America is apparently Hydra and just rolls with it. No “What the hell, sir?” call to Pierce, no secret handshake to Steve. For years. I can handwave him not saying anything to Rumlow and the rest of Strike, because if Steve is Hydra maintaining his deep cover with everyone is more important than anything (even if they were right there when he gave him the scepter, so what did he say to them?), but not mentioning it to Pierce? Cannot buy that. And not having any mention of that in Winter Soldier is pretty damn unbelievable.

The timeline was also changed by having future!Steve fight past!Steve. And no, it doesn’t matter that past!Steve thought it was Loki. It was still a change.

Not to mention, Loki could not have had a Peggy compass or known shit about Bucky, so it stands to reason it’s not Loki. So, what gives? What did past!Steve think it happened? Hell, come Winter Soldier what did he think about that time some guy who looked and fought like himself told him that Bucky was alive and lo and behold, here comes Buckaroo?

In essence, the Avengers fucked the timeline without lube but we’re supposed to pretend they didn’t.

To me, that is shit.

Mess with time all you like, but acknowledge you’re doing so. Either your plan goes off without a hitch (as if!), or the moment where everything goes inevitably to hell and there are changes - and here we are talking about major changes - you say fuck it, pull out all the stops and change away.

[Ok, I admit it, by that I mostly mean: pull out all the stops, take 5 minutes to explain to your past self you come from the future and tell him to get his ass in gear because Hydra is literally running the government and SHIELD and most importantly Bucky has been frozen, tortured and brainwashed for about 70 years, so get to it, save Bucky Bear save the world, and smash Nazis like the fucking Hulk. May the fic gods, as ever, be kinder to me than the canon ones.]

This “pretend nothing has changed even while we change important stuff that should logically have repercussions” approach only works if you think your audience has the reasoning capabilities of concussed goldfishes. Tony’s last bout of genius solving time travel on the fly deserved better than this.

(Also, good luck trying to sell me on any future conflict stakes when our heroes now have the capabilities of fucking going back in time and change things, even if you don’t want to admit it.)

In the “this is so dumb and nonsensical and wow look at those strings” camp, we also have the two Nebulas being connected. That is so stupid and clearly only there for the sake of plot you can literally see the writers going “Uhm... how can we make it so past!Thanos knows what the heroes are doing? What if we make it so past!Nebula gets the memories of future!Nebula from a galaxy away? How? Why? Because!”

Riveting.

About as riveting as the Thor stuff. Here you can see the writers desperately wracking their brain wondering “But how are we gonna have dumb jokes in a serious movies? Where will we go for cheap, juvenile humor? I know! Let’s make Thor a drunk idiot with a beer belly! Oh oh oh, what could be more funny than a parade of fat jokes, we’re comedic geniuses!”

Yawn. Also, offensive much? But really, everything about Thor spits in the face of his three movies long character arc (which was all about responsibility): dudes, do you even know the characters you’re writing about?

Speaking of desperation: no Steve and Bucky reunion post UnSnapping? Seriously? We have Tony and Peter - who have known each other for 5 minutes - tearfully embrace but no scene between two characters who have known each other all their lives and have been through massive shit in those lives? Marvel execs, we know that every time Steve and Bucky shared a scene The Dreadful Spectre of The GAY appeared and made your blood pressure rise but this is ridiculous.

Which is also why you get no cookie for The First Gay Character in the franchise: an unnamed character in a single blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene, truly stellar representation. What made you believe this was a smart move?

That said, there are some good things in this movie.

THE “I DIDN’T NECESSARILY WANT THIS BUT I CAN ACCEPT YOU DID IT. ALSO, OUCH: MY HEART” DIVISION

First of all, Tony Stark.

Never thought I’d say that, because I’m the furthest thing from a Tony fan and spent all of Ultron and Civil War wanting to punch him. And Infinity War being indifferent to him.

But goddamn if I didn’t feel how goddamn much he adored Pepper and their daughter. Goddamn if I didn’t tear up at his heroic sacrifice, going out with the line that started it all (“I am Iron Man”- my heart), goddamn if I didn’t tear up at his goodbye with Pepper and then at his funeral.

For all his many, many faults – which I’m not gonna forget for a second – Tony went out exactly as he should be: a goddamn hero. With a heart big enough, strong enough to give himself up for everyone else even at the moment where he had everything he ever wished to have.

My hat’s off to him.

Never thought I’d ever say this, but I will miss him.

Other MVPs of Endgame: Clint Motherfucking Barton and Natasha “Love is NOT for Children” Romanoff. I know: Natasha, sure, but who would ever have guessed that about Clint? Prior to Endgame, he was just sort of there, not helped by Ultron and his sudden family in a farm.

Endgame managed to make me care about the family I loathed. How? I don’t know, but I am totally down for a Clint + Kate Bishop + Lila show, where everyone is a badass archer and they are all codenamed Hawkeye just because! I am also totally down for Clint’s badass reinvention (after, I’m guessing, mainlining all 7 seasons of Arrow), no matter how heartbreaking the reason or questionable the style choices.

And that Clintasha scene was pretty much worth the whole movie to me.

Because, first of all, that’s how you solve a problem like the Soul Stone: a willing sacrifice. (Which, btw, makes even more disgusting the fact that we are supposed to see this as equally worthy to Thanos murdering his daughter).

Second, because I am a total sucker for characters fighting about who gets to sacrifice themselves. Clint and Natasha beating the crap out of each other just like in Avengers 1 (just one of many delightful callbacks that pepper the movie), this time because they love each other too much to let the other be the one to die is everything.

Third, because it’s just a really good scene, based on one of the better relationships in the MCU. Even those not shipping Clintasha have no doubt that those two are extremely important to one another, and Renner and Johannson acted the hell out of it - just as they did every scene together, from their reunion post-yakuza slaughter, to the giddiness of flying a spaceship. I teared up like a baby at Nat’s sacrifice and I was right there with Clint hoping for a loophole that made it so we could get Nat back and was heartbroken anew when that did not come to pass.

But, again, the Black Widow went out just like she should have: a true hero, loving, strong and unafraid. The red in her ledger was wiped out once and for all.

The “Feels” subdivision

Scott Lang was an integral part of the solution. I mean, never before have we heard about time passing differently in the quantum realm – and in fact Janet Van Dyne aged the 30 years she spent in it, so more plot service crap – but who cares! Still, his desperate checking to see if his daughter was among the Snapped only to find his own name and running like hell to get to Cassie only to be suddenly confronted with a teenager and realizing he missed those 5 years with her and not caring because she was still there was absolutely perfect.

Speaking of families: I have already said it but Tony and Pepper and little Morgan were amazing.

Also, Thor and Frigga! Frigga was an egregious fridging to start with, so it was lovely seeing her again, but especially giving her a wonderful scene with her son that shows her intelligence and strength and exactly why she was Queen of Asgard. Not to mention being the one to restore Thor’s confidence and absolving him of his failures. Sometimes you just really, really need your mom. (Too bad about that stupid salad joke.)

Natasha and Steve. Just... Natasha and Steve being badly messed up by those 5 years post-Snap and yet being so supportive and understanding of each other. Really, after Winter Soldier, this was the best Natasha movie. And rightly so.

In general, the Avengers being not just a team but also friends, fucking finally. Sure, there is the whole “found family-baited” post going around, but memes aside, it is true that we never got to see those people acting like friends and not merely co-workers. Was that so difficult to do before the very last moment?

THE “IN HERE FOR THE HOLY SHIT QUOTIENT” DIVISION

A small but admirable moment for a villain that was otherwise pretty underwhelming no matter how much they tried passing him off as deep: Thanos having the smarts and the metaphorical stones to goddamn destroy the Infinity Stones. Better to accept never using them himself again than run the risk of someone stealing them and undo his work. He may be evil and incapable of properly understanding the concept of proportions (that whole: if you destroy half of the resources along with half of the people using said resources, you are just as screwed as before), but the guy is smart.

Carol was as amazing as she could be in a movie that by design could not be about her kicking Thanos’s ass up and down the whole galaxy but was necessarily the Last Hooray of the Old Guard. Her face seeing Fury among the Snapped, her entrance and towing a fucking spaceship, her pointing out that while the Avengers have been watching (with mixed results) over a single planet she was watching over a lot of them (likely with better results), her second entrance, her goddamn everything. Not as good as her solo movie but what could ever be?

Speaking of ladies, Valkyrie becoming a Literal Queen warms my heart. I have some doubts about Thor just up and leaving what remains of his people, even after everything (read: I don’t buy it, just like I don’t buy anything about Thor in this movie), but considering Heimdall is not around anymore, we can all agree he left them in excellent, badass hands. I want more.

Switching to metaphorical Valkyries... It was a fanservice-y, mostly unearned scene in a series that has historically been pretty low in female friendships or relationships, but goddamn if the optics of all the badass ladies of the MCU banding together weren’t made of FUCKYEAH! Give us a ladies-led movie, Marvel, you fucking cowards: DC is giving us the Birds of Prey (and Harley Quinn), what’s your excuse?

In that vein: Pepper donning an Iron Man armor! Basically everything I ever hoped for, so much so that for a moment I legitimately thought I had imagined it. Now that Tony is gone, let Pepper step up as Rescue or Iron Maiden or whatever, get her to mentor a bright intern named Riri Williams and we’re set to go for maximum awesomeness.

Still, when talking about maximum awesomeness: CAP. WIELDING. MJOLNIR. We Italians don’t have the habit of reacting to movies out loud at the theatre, but you could hear the current of FUCKYEAH!!! coming from all the nerds in the room, and rightly so. Cap fighting with the shield in one hand and Mjolnir in the other was everything every superhero fan could ever have wished for in a movie distilled into the Crowning Moment of Awesome to top all CMOAs. (Too bad this gets incredibly undermined by that ending beacuse I refuse to believe that that guy could be worthy of a fucking shoehorn, much less Mjolnir.)

Thor dual-wielding Mjolnir and Stormbreaker deserves a mention too.

(This as long as we forget Mjolnir being taken away to the future at the start of Dark World makes gaping holes in Ultron e Ragnarok, because past!Thor wouldn’t have it anymore, but whatever LALALALALA what time logic?)

But the moment that threatened to bring down the house in cheers was the sight of all the Unsnapped returning followed by - finally - the call: AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! Every single person visibly restrained themselves from punching the air and shouting along. I think we all regret not doing so, dignity be damned.

So, leaving aside the truck-sized plot holes that are practically a given once you decide to muck around with time travel and the occasional plot-over-character-or-sense stupidity, all in all we have a rather solid movie full of badass moments and with occasionally meaningful emotional beats.

Not my favorite by a long shot, but a mostly fitting end to an insane project no one ever thought could possibly be achieved that ended up sweeping the world and fandom.

Too bad those last five minutes arrive to shit all over that, and incidentally all over a beloved character.

THE “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU GODDAMNED HACKS” DIVISION

Steve – I must suppose SERIOUSLY concussed during the battle to the point of brain damage beyond the repairing capabilities of the superserum – returns the Infinity Stones to the past and, while he’s at it, decides to abscond in the same past to live his life with Peggy, only returning as an old man to pass the shield to Sam.

Awwwwwwwwww... Steve and Peggy living their life together, so heartwarming...

Yeah, except once you think about it, then you want to use that shield to fucking brain the skrull that must be impersonating Steve Rogers.

Because, in order to buy this story, we have to believe that Steve “I don’t like bullies” Rogers, Steve “If I see a situation pointed south, I can't ignore it” Rogers, Steve “On va voir” Rogers, Steve “I can do this all day” Rogers deliberately chose to spend the rest of his fucking life doing exactly nothing, otherwise the timeline would have been SERIOUSLY rebooted.

A life of inaction, hiding the fact of his existence.

Sure, that totally sounds like the Steve Rogers we have been watching up until this point.

Instead of an ending about moving forward no matter what life throws at you, we got one about happiness being literally going backwards.

Because that’s a totally healthy message.

Hell, you decide to go the retirement route, I don’t even necessarily disagree with it. If, after all the trauma of Infinity War + the five years interlude + the shitstorm of Endgame, Steve decided to lay aside the shield for a while and try to make an actual, functional life for himself I would have been all for it. If nothing else, the guy could make do with a lot of therapy. Most crucially, not being Captain America would not mean quitting the fight: he could do just as much good as an artist, a politician, an opinion leader, an activist or what have you. All that is not gonna be possible in the past, because to mantain the timeline he cannot become anyone relevant in any way. Especially since he knows Hydra is still around and attracting notice would mean risking some of that attention coming from them. So no, absconding to the past means by necessity a life not fighting in any way, not doing anything of any particular importance whatsoever.

This is completely antithetical to everything that Steve Rogers, as he was shown up until now, stands for.

And we have yet to touch the morality of it all, or the lack thereof.

Lest I get accused of being a bitter Stucky shipper whose slash goggles cannot make her appreciate a Steggy ending, let me point out that I ship Steggy as much as Stucky and if anything I am a bitter Peggy Carter fangirl: Our Kick-Ass Lady of the No Holds Barred Beatdown unquestionably deserves better than this crap.

By which, I’m not even talking about how this ending shits all over the closure we got before and the entirety of the Agent Carter run, which both show that while Peggy unquestionably loved Steve, she mourned him for a while and then, as healthy people do, moved on to have a perfectly fulfilling life with a rewarding job and eventually a new love and family. I’m not even talking about how this takes her back the “Steve Rogers’ Love Interest” route, Betty Carver-style, instead of letting her be her own woman with her own story that may have started alongside Steve Rogers but then developed on her own terms. I’m not talking about how she was rewinded from a character in her own right to a “hero’s” prize.

I’m talking about how this supposed happy ending to slow dancing and snuggling is based on either Peggy being apparently also brain damaged to the point that, upon hearing that the organization she’s busting her ass to run is a Nazi cesspool, just rolls with it - which, I think we can all agree, is definitely not something our Agent Carter would ever in a million years do - or Steve merrily electing to spend something like 50 years lying like a motherfucker to the supposed love of his life about how the organization she’s busting her ass to run is a Nazi cesspool. True love, everyone!

Fuck you: Peggy Carter fucking deserved better than this.

This also leaving aside the fact that, in this happy ending, Steve knows that while he’s squirreled away in the woods dancing and doing decoupage, his supposed best friend is getting tortured to the point of complete dehumanization. But whatever, he’ll eventually be fine, no use doing anything about it. Oh, JFK got murdered? Nice shot, Buck! Oh, there goes Howard, a smooth operation, buddy: hope the brain-frying won’t be too bad, just hang on until 2014.

End of the line my goddamn ass.

Oh, and since no-one’s memories are rewritten, Bucky also conceivably knows all this. He knows that his supposed best friend voluntarily spent his life doing squat to save him.

Fuck you: Bucky Barnes fucking deserved better than this.

SO, TO RECAP: Steve Rogers is a selfish ass who chose a life of inaction, Peggy Carter is either his accomplice or a dupe and Bucky Barnes lost his best friend all over again. Coherent characterization got sacrificed for a theoretical feel-good moment that doesn’t stand up to the most cursory examination before being revealed as sheer horrifying fuckery.

Sure, Sam gets to be the new Captain America (which, don’t get me wrong: he totally deserves it and at this point he’s more worthy of it than the original), but that’s literally the only good thing in a mountain of shit dumped over characters that deserved much better.

I get that Evans wanted out, but there are ways to do it and then there are ways. Tony went out like a goddamn hero. So did Natasha.

Steve went out quitting - aka the one and only thing Steve Rogers would never ever do - and in addition what can only be called a bastard who shrugged off his best friend’s decades-long torture and quite likely spent his life lying to the woman he loves.

Fuck you: Steve Rogers fucking deserved better than this.

If there could be a worse impression to leave bowing out than this one, I’m honestly unable to imagine it (Well, beside making Steve Hydra for real: but considering that he spent his live blithely pretending they were not still around murdering, torturing and so on, that makes him a collaborationist at best and WOW, at this point it’s kinda splitting hairs, isn’t it?).

Coming into Endgame, I knew this was gonna be Cap’s last waltz and after spending years as a Steve Rogers fan I was dreading watching him die. Now, I wish he could have gone out with the heroism and dignity of Tony or Natasha instead of... whatever this was. I could have mourned him while celebrating him, instead of mourning what he used to be while despising what he was made to become.

This Steve Rogers fan, who spent years loving him while being annoyed and occasionally enraged by Tony Stark, left the theatre feeling deeply moved by Tony and quite honestly hating the guts of whatever was left of Steve. If someone told me this would happen I wouldn’t have believed them and yet here we are.

Personally, in order to actually enjoy the movie and especially to be able to retain any fondness whatsoever for one of my most beloved characters, those last five minutes are gonna join the entirety of Age of Ultron in the realm of “I recognise Marvel Studios have made a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it”.

As far as I’m concerned, Endgame ended with Tony Stark’s funeral. A fitting tribute to the fallen hero who started it all, to the road that took us to this moment and all those characters who travelled it with us.

To the end of an era and hope for the next one.

#MCU #avengers endgame #not my steve rogers #endgame spoilers #steve rogers #tony stark #natasha romanoff #clint barton #review #rant #endgame wtf #epic fail

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inspired-aspirer · 6 years ago

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Z Berg and Ryan Ross Concert Masterpost

hello and I am sorry that I promised to post before Christmas about my experience of flying to LA for the Z Berg and Friends concert where I saw and met Ryan Ross. Here is a breakdown of the night and how it went from what I remember and if you have any questions after I post this I will do my best to answer them and if I cannot I will tell you and perhaps someone who can answer you question better than I.

1. anything before the concert

So I know many of the people reading this are not in fact, from Los Angeles California, and I can say I am not one of those people. I live in the middle of nowhere, better known as the state of Oklahoma. So the trip in and of itself was my Christmas present and cost ten times over the price of the ticket to the concert itself. I decided to purchase the tickets after Ryan Ross posted to instagram his photo of the Bad List shoot with “…Gonna play some new ones” as the caption to his post on 30th November. I then convinced three of my friends to come with me, flying from Oklahoma, Georgia and another from Alabama. We found some cheap ass tickets that ran about $250 each and convinced some family friends to let us use their beach house for a weekend and we were off. The tickets were $15.00 before taxes and fees, afterwards they rang up to be a grand total of $18.21.

It is notable that the tickets sold out prior to the day of the concert so I would recommend with any of Z’s concerts in the future, to buy your tickets weeks in advance to avoid anyone not getting a ticket.

2. the day of the concert

a. before doors open

The location of the concert was at the Pico Union Project which my friends and I looked up the night before to scope out the place. I recommend looking up the places around it if you plan on camping out for the day for a restroom and most definitely pack snacks. I ate lunch at noon and made the mistake of not eating again until 6am the next day which really was not a good thing. So pack snacks and take care of yourself. We got there around 3:30pm and there were already about 30ish people. We just missed Z coming out early to see everyone and take pictures, but nonetheless, we got a pretty great spot in line. I will say that for the most part, all of the people waiting outside the concert were lovely, and we all had a great time talking about what we were looking forward to and where everyone was from. I met some chill locals who had been to these things before, a guy who had been to every single one of Z’s concerts and a girl who, like me, got this trip as a Christmas present and flew with her mom all the way from Massachusetts.

*We all added eachother on insta and facebook so 10/10 quality people.

I will however, point out some things that were not good or respectful, and I hope people in the future will refrain from doing this in the future.

1. Being disrespectful to people passing by, especially to some of the homeless people we saw walking by throughout the evening.

2. Wearing new Panic! merch (I’ll get into this later because there was an issue to be dealt with during the meet and greet time.)

3. Playing new Panic! songs while people are trying to listen the pre-show sound check and rehearsals, or just playing new Panic! stuff in general

4. Also I overheard a group of girls say “Honestly, I am more of a Brendon fan, he is sooo hot. And tbh fuck Ryan Ross haha” and I get it, everyone is entitled to their opinion and such but if you are going to have that attitude, please keep it to yourself. I didn’t hear such negativity during the meet and greet from them but it really put me in a bad mood when I heard that.

The doors did open right at 8 o’clock and everyone was really good at staying in their place in line and not rushing the door. Have your tickets ready to scan and phones at full brightness. (Bring battery packs because you will need your phone for a ticket scan and probably for pics of the performances and if you want to meet them later so save it for as long as possible.) Due to our great spot in line we sat in the fourth row back which was prime seating and we had the great luck of sitting behind Z’s family which was really fun to hear them talk about the work put into the show and other fun tid bits. There was even a point when her grandmother said something like “I don’t know why they insisted on leaving so late to get here. I think they should have left early and had a nice lunch before all this” and I thought that was the most adorable and grandma thing to say. Also if you are 21 or older, you can get a wristband for alcohol, if you have your ID out and ready to show them when you first walk into the venue when they scan your ticket. I also recommend getting into the line for merch quickly because things do sell out and the line does take forever. I immediately got in line when my ticket was scanned while my friends snagged seats and it still took me about 20-30 minutes to get everything I wanted. Also I recommend taking cash to buy things, it makes everything go faster.

b. the concert

The concert itself was amazing. Z hosted the entire first half from the balcony in an exact replica of Sharon Tate’s wedding dress as I am sure you have seen photos of. I will confirm, it was magical. She curses like a sailor in front of a backdrop of pure grace. She interacted with he audience the entire time and genuinely enjoys just spending time with her fans and the people that came to hear some good music. The first half of the show was the “& Friends” portion of the show, with majority of the people playing one song each with a few exceptions such as Azure Ray, Jackson Browne, Alex Greenwald and of course, Ryan Ross.

So throughout the concert, people in the concert/show (idk what I would call it officially???) would come in and out from backstage to watch each other, which I thought was wholesome. Ryan did not come out to watch like everyone else and my working theory is, the one time he did poke his head out the door, first of all, me and like 10 other people saw him, he smiled and winked (I died) and then went back in, after that people stopped paying attention to whomever was onstage and so I think he didn’t want to take away from the other acts performing. It's admirable and I understand why he stayed backstage until it was his time to go and then would promptly exit after his numbers were done.

In the first half Ryan came out with Alex Greenwald and played the guitar for him. Everyone screamed and cheered despite the wonderfully melancholic mood of the crowd mixed with the beautifully crestfallen music that had preceded them. Alex jokingly said “wow you guys are so nice” after we screamed following the remark someone in the back made along the lines of “I love you Ryan”. Let’s be honest, we were all thinking it and she had the courage to say it. So as far as the number, he sat and played his guitar in a suit that looked one size too big and jet black hair that was perfectly out of place. It was heaven. Following Alex’s song, Ryan ditched the guitar and joined him to sing “Lonely Moonlight” as a duet. He made jokes prior to the song saying they wrote it “18 or 25 years ago”. Alex agreed and laughed to which Ryan amended “actually it was the year 1825 when we wrote this” and the crowed giggled with them.

What I’m getting at is this entire concert, there were moments when you felt like no one else was around and you are sitting in any one of their living rooms, having a good time listening to them play their music and laugh with each other. “Lonely Moonlight” was beautiful and the hall was silent a part from them, no one dared speak until Ryan smiled and walked off the stage and disappeared backstage again. A few more beautiful songs later, many which Z sang in followed and then there was a brief intermission for approximately 15 minutes.

The second half of the concert Z came back on stage to the “Overture” from Nightmare Before Christmas and I died. Her voice is literally angelic and I just want everyone to know that while you damn well know that she knows she has the best fuckin’ voice ever, she remained absolutely graceful about it in any duet she did and didn’t try to out do anyone and remained humble the entire freaking time and I’m gonna cut myself off right now because she is my role model.

*inhales*

Anyways, so I’m just gonna tell you she brought Ryan on stage with one of the most iconic ways you could bring Ryan on stage, “Um, haha, I think I need a little baby Ryro” *everyone screams* “I do that to when he walks into a room. After ten years it is getting pretty fuckin’ annoying” and he smiled and laughed and everyone was probably either screaming or crying or a combination of both. She and Ryan sang “Calm Before the Storm” together, he just sang with her and she played the guitar as well. After his bit in the song was done, he just walked to the back of the stage and sat on the floor and just smiled at her and did some funny gestures, (Again, I have this on video, I just don’t know how to link long videos in a tumblr post). The crowd was amused by this and it caused Z to turn around to see what was going on, and they laughed.

Again the atmosphere was pure enjoyment and I wish everyone would get to experience that at any concert. Then he walked off stage while Z said “yeah we just love to watch you walk away” and truer words have never been spoken. The final time he did come out to perform was, of course, for “The Bad List”.

c. The Bad List

Yes I am giving this one song an entire thing on it’s own because I just have a lot of things to say about this performance of this song.

First of all, during the soundcheck while we (all the crazy fans) were outside we heard the song resonate outside the walls and the sound was angelic, so you could only imagine what it sounded like inside the venue.

Second, everything before, during, and after really just was surreal and thank god I have the whole thing on video (and I mean the WHOLE 7.5 minutes) because it is NOT something I want to ever forget. Ryan came onstage, and hugged Z and everyone awed, and then she went into this adorable and heart-warming speech thanking her fans and the people coming out tonight while Ryan tried to move his mic to the other side of her.

This was hilarious for two reasons.

First, any footage I have seen of Ryan Ross, out doing normal people things has just been gold because just like the rest of us, I would imagine, he is on the struggle bus every day going nowhere fast. So he had a time and a half trying to move the mic stand along with everything else to the other side of the stage.

Second, Z was completely oblivious the entire time he was trying his best, to move the mic. Adorable really. He also chimed in at the end of her speech that “She means that it’s all she has been talking about all week” which apparently embarrassed her but let’s be real, she is two perfect and sweet to even think abou tbeing embarassed. Don’t worry, she got him back by calling him out for saying they should turn up the piano “a weenie bit”. Then she announced they were going to sing “The Bad List” and everyone cheered to which Ryan responded with a sarcastic “Wait have you heard it yet?” and yeah, the song began.

It was divinely depressing. It was perfection.

Videos of the preformance don’t do it justice. We were the first and so far the only audience to hear it live, and everything I did to get there up to this point was worth it. It was the best performance of any song I have ever witnessed. I will navigate this hell site and hopefully figure out how to upload the video without getting copyright to take it down on my youtube channel and link it below so you guys can watch it.

As many of you know, the song it super personal to them and a few times, you heard Z’s voice break from the truth the lyrics spoke about their life, and when each of them sang, the other really didn’t look at them. It was moving to see the emotion that drove the lyrics to the song and to hear which lines bled the most to each of them. In the piano instrumental part of the song, Ryan broke up the melancholy mood by asking Z to dance with him and they smiled and had a blast (or so it looked). She eventually went limp in his arms to play dead and you could see Ryan laughing at the theatrics she pulled.

After the song ended, the smiled, everyone cheered, and they exchanged a few words which I couldn’t make out before she pulled everyone on stage for the final number. Ryan, ever the smol bean, walked to the side of the stage and did his best to blend in when everyone else from the evening piled on stage.

d. last number and Post-concert

Ok so I am almost done, I promise. The last number was “All Out of Tears” which everyone came up on stage for and sang with her on. Everyone stood up from thier pews for the last song and everyone clapped, danced, and sang along with her. The guitar and bass from the speakers were so loud that the “Z” hanging above the stage fell down in the middle of the performance, to which Alex Greenwald played the tambourine to throughout the second half of the song. Z promised that she would stay until the very last person got a picture or hug or autograph and wouldn’t leave until then.

The concert ended on a high note unlike another.

side note: so I know there is a joke about Ryan not being able to clap, and let me tell you, I made a point to look at the big ass rings he wears all the time when I met him, and yeah it would make me not able to clap normal either. In the video I have of them preforming “All Out of Tears” he at one point shakes his hands and mouths “ow” because I’d imagine his poor hands hurt. So yeah, still funny but give the guy a break.

After a breif break they all came out from backstage and made their way to the Christmas tree. They (Ryan and Z, the rest of the people left before I could get their autograph) kept their promise. Ryan came out chugging yellow red bulls and Z was a new woman after ripping off her straps to her dress (she told me and my friends this). I waited two and a half hours in line to meet Ryan and Z. It was at about two in the morning when I finally got my turn to speak to him. I noticed throughout the evening, he was never short with anyone, and if someone seemed overwhelmed and nervous (@me) he would take a pause, ask for your name and listen intently to whatever that person had to say to him. I was extremely nervous to have him sign any old Panic! merch and I have a few things to say about Ryan Ross and Panic! merch at the concert.

First off, don’t wear it, especially if it is new. Now I am not one for gatekeeping on a lot of things. However, I did see an individual (my hero) make a girl take of a new Panic! lanyard before she went up to see Ryan. It is disrespectful and frankly insensitive for anyone to do that to him in my opinion. The entire time he was patient, and understanding and omg if you ever get to hear his chuckle you will surely die and go to heaven, but I am appalled at anyone who would wear new Panic! merch or have the audacity to have him sign it. Thankfully, she took it off and I didn’t see anyone ask him to sign any new Panic! merch.

Second, Ryan is more than delighted to see The Young Veins apparel. One of the people I met at the concert was wearing a Young Veins sweatshirt and I saw some albums and CD’s people brought to him to sign and he had no issue doing so.

Third, on the issue of Panic! merch he WAS a part of, such as AFYCSO and Pretty. Odd. albums, he signs them no problem. The girl right before me had all three CD’s (afycso, pretty odd, and take a vacation) and he said “Wow haha, you have all three of them” and laughed. I split up the stuff I wanted signed between myself and three friends so I got four things signed. One was my 2007 Rolling Stones issue where Panic! made the cover, I flipped the magazine to the page that had his face on it and when I gave it to him I had the best reaction.

Well, first I totally blanked out so I only remember this because one of my friends videotaped the whole thing. Anyways, I said “hi, don’t hate me for what I am about to have you sign” among other things, gave him a letter and a bag of sour patch kids, and he said, no worries and just continued talking to me like it was no big deal. when I handed him the magazine he went “Oh man, I haven’t seen this photo in a while.” and even was stumped as to where he should sign it. He took the time to talk to me and let me say what I wanted to say to him. I asked to hug him and he said ok. Just so you know, he lets you take any kind of photo you want (within reason). Unfortunately I don’t have a single photo where we are looking at the same camera, but I have a 10/10 photo of Ryan Ross giving me a hug and let me just say, I am blessed. Another of my friends got an afysco vinyl signed and another got the booklet to my Pretty. Odd. CD signed without any issue or trouble.

Now, my friend had a silver sharpie which I gave her before to sign a poster I bought of the cover of The Bad List with him and Z on it and she said he went to sign it, started to, then saw the silver sharpie, and went, “that is a silver sharpie” and she went, “it is” and then he said “I want to sign with the silver sharpie” so he signed my poster AGAIN in silver sharpie. Then, she went to Z to have her sign it, and she signed it and said “Wait, did he sign this twice? Well now I have to” and she signed the poster at the top in the middle and again on the picture. So that is the story of how I got the poster signed twice by both of them.

e. Tid bits

I don’t think you want to hear all of the tid bits I have from talking to them on and off for an hour or so but here are the highlights.

I also got to hear Ryan say he made the Christmas playlist that was playing in the background.

At one point, Z said, “I have to go to the bathroom, but he will be mad at me if he knows I left. Don’t tell him” and ran to the bathroom. Well Ryan did notice and went “where did she go” and we said “She said we can’t tell you” and he laughed and went back to signing and talking to whoever was next in line.

Before I left Ryan I said to him “by the way, I can’t wait to hear the new music” and he chuckled and replied “Soon, I promise” and smiled before I left, so there’s that.

Also might I add. I got the best hug of my life from Z. I spent like two solid minutes with my fiends telling her she was absolute perfection (there are no lies in that statement) and gushed over how amazing the show was and everything else and then she game me a solid, and I mean solid, 30 second hug and to be honest I didn’t want to let go. Then we talked to her some more and had a good time and then realized we had to leave because we had about 2 and a half hours until we had to be at LAX for our flight out. I cried on the way back because hello? I met Ryan Ross and Z Berg and you best believe I will do just about anything to make sure I can go to any more of her concerts.

So yeah I will try to post videos later. Thank you for your patience with me and uploading it. If you have ANY questions, please send me an ask. I won’t mind answering them at all. I hope everyone had a wonderfully dreadful Christmas on The Bad List and I can’t wait to see what music Ryan has in store for 2019.

much love ♥♥♥

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singtheskyandfightlikehell · 6 years ago

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Eurovision 2019 Opinions

Well, the 26 countries that will be participating in the final are official now, so here’s my in depth thoughts about each entry, ranked from least favorite to favorite along with explanations and a 10 pt rating system. honestly i thought this year was solidly mediocre. a few i really like, about 3 i can’t stand, and the rest are all smack dab in the middle of “decent”. of course, these are just my opinions and I totally get that people will disagree with them. i don’t really care. yeah there’s a few i’ll judge you for, but frankly my opinion shouldn’t matter to you. i’m just posting it for my own record and for anyone who might be curious

26. Slovenia (0/10) I know a lot of people like this entry, but frankly, I cannot stand it. It’s boring. It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. If I wanted to watch an m/f couple - or, you know what, any couple - stand really close to each other and mumble for three minutes, I - I don’t actually know where I’d go, because I can’t conceptualize myself ever wanting to see that.

25. Denmark (0/10) Again, why? This entry annoys me a lot, and the only reason I didn’t put it last was because I appreciate the use of more than one language. It’s my least favorite parts of all kids shows combined coupled with a message that honestly I disagree with. It feels a bit like she’s judging me for being upset at injustice in the world when I should just shut up and be happy about what I have. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe it’s acceptable to ignore atrocities just because my life is filled with good things. I could imagine this song being the welcoming number in a musical staged in one of those “everything is perfect on the outside but inside it’s the creepiest shit you’ve ever seen” towns that’s used to hypnotize the protagonist into not noticing the creepy shit

24. Estonia (1/10) I don’t honestly dislike this song, but it does bore me. He’s a mediocre singer with a mediocre song. Also I can’t get past the fact that he rhymes “this” with “this”. It distracts me and ruins the whole thing.

23. Czech Republic (2/10) I really didn’t like this one at first. It was irritating and the lyrics were weird. However, I surprisingly enjoyed the live performance. The lead singer has some charisma on stage. Good for him.

22. San Marino (3/10) No idea how he got to the final (I know it’s bc he’s a meme, but still), but I don’t hate the song. I don’t think it should win, but honestly, I think it’s fun. His voice is ridiculous, but I can stand it for three minutes.

21. UK (4/10) I definitely feel like this is the kind of generic song I’ve heard many times before, but he does a good job with it, and ultimately it’s alright. His hair makes me think of Finn Shelby from Peaky Blinders, but that’s neither here nor there.

20. North Macedonia (4/10) Honestly, I feel like I should like this song more than I do. She has a good voice, and the song has a good message. Unfortunately, it’s just never clicked with me, and I often find myself tuning out while listening to it.

19. Israel (5/10) I like his voice. He sells the emotion. Not a gripping song, by any means, but not bad. Some of the rhymes feel a little forced, like the lyrics were written specifically so that they would rhyme, rather than because they have meaning.

18. Germany (5/10) This one gets stuck in my head sometimes, but I’m okay with that. Tbh, I quite like it. Plus, the whole “sisters (but I’d say girls in general) are taught to tear each other down but need to build each other up instead” theme is one I wholeheartedly support. I spent too many years hating everything associated with girls because society told me to.

17. Malta (5/10) I go back and forth on this one a lot. Parts of it I like, parts of it I don’t. It feels a bit different to me, but not like, in a revolutionary way. The singer is strong, and it definitely gets the award for most colorful performance, literally!

16. Serbia (5/10) I feel like I’ve heard this entry before, too, but specifically at Eurovision. Still, she does a good job with it, and I like her armor-inspired jewelry. Plus, it’s not in English!

15. Belarus (5/10) Another one I go back and forth on. I find this is very good study music - energetic and repetitive enough not to be distracting. I don’t love it (I’m even hesitant to say I like it lmao), but people really ought to stop hating on her so much. She’s sixteen. Let her have her fun.

14. Albania (6/10) I really liked Albania’s entry this year tbh. I didn’t feel she sang as strong in the semi-final as she did in the music video, but otherwise I thought it was a very powerful song. The staging was pretty cool, too!

13. Azerbaijan (6/10) I loved everything about this except the refrain. The “shut up about it” bit starts to get on my nerves by about the second refrain. But the verses sounded cool and the staging was awesome!

12. Sweden (6/10) Not the most exciting song in the world, but he sounds good, the ladies sound great, and there’s nothing I dislike about the song or staging.

11. Cyprus (6/10) Not as good as the music video, sadly, but still catchy and fun. I didn’t really like it the first time I heard it, but it’s grown on me since. I felt bad for her being put on the spot with that one “are you mad about Cyprus losing last year” question.

10. Greece (6/10) Definitely grew on me. I tuned out of it the first time I heard it. Prior to the semi finals I thought it was alright. But she really gave us the lesbian dream, huh? Ladies with neat clothes and swords, plus a garden? What more can you ask for lmao

9. France (7/10) Feels kinda standard to me, but not in the worst way possible. Sometimes I get really into it, other times it’s just a nice song. I’ve been liking it a little bit more each time I hear it, though.

8. Netherlands (7/10) The favorite to win, and I’d be okay if it did. Not my favorite this year, but a solidly good song. I have to be in the right mood to want to listen to it, but when I am? Fucking amazing. Also, considering he never left the piano (and didn’t light it on fire), he gave a pretty good performance.

7. Spain (8/10) This song is so much fun, and it’s definitely going to end the competition on a high note. I’m also really curious to see the full version to know more about the life-size dollhouse and animatronic thing they’ve got going

6. Switzerland (8/10) I loved the music video more than the live performance, but regardless I thought this song was also really fun and, idk, snazzy? Love dancing to it while I fold laundry.

5. Australia (9/10) Australia’s staging was everything! I had them in the upper middle rankings until the semi-final, but honestly that looked cool as all fuck!! Her song is weird, but in a way that I can dig. Plus seeing her soar around like Glinda in space with two fellow witches is one of the highlights of Eurovision this year

4. Russia (10/10) Sergey is back and just like in 2016, I absolutely love him and his performance. I’ll admit, the shower thing was a bit weird, but the song sounded great live! Plus, he had a leg-up for me by going with fairy tale imagery in the music video.

3. Norway (10/10) Initially, I only liked the joiking. The other two singers have grown on me, though. This song is fun, the staging is cool, the singers are great, and then it gets quiet and the joik part comes in, and it’s so fucking cool!! Love it, love it, love it!

2. Italy (10/10) My favorite for a long time, only bumped out because I made the fortuitous mistake of watching Iceland’s interviews. I love the song. I love the message. The thing that impressed me most, though, was that this song is about something that isn’t even remotely close to anything that’s happened in my life. I do not relate to it at all. But despite having no personal connection to the topic, I could feel the emotion in it. For a brief three minutes, I could feel something that isn’t my reality but is the reality of many other people. And an artist who can do that is powerful indeed.

1. Iceland (10/10) If you couldn’t tell from the everything about my blog, I have firmly joined the camp of Hatari stans. It may surprise you, but I didn’t really like this song the first time I heard it. Then, I found out the meaning behind it and gave it another chance. Lo and behold, I liked it! It rose in my rankings from lower-middle to the number one spot between listening to it multiple times and watching all the Hatari content I could get my hands on. I totally understand the music being too far for some people, but as a metalhead during the not-Eurovision parts of the year, Hatari isn’t too far of a leap for me. I love the song. I love the staging. I love the costumes. I love the message. I love the band. I love how they interact with each other and everyone else. I love the bits on Iceland Music News. I love their trolling and sarcasm in the interviews. I love the anti-capitalism. I love their websites (seriously, check them out. they put a lot of effort into them). I love the way they approach issues that are important to them. I love the fact that they aren’t afraid of the tough subjects. I especially love that they aren’t trying to walk the popularity line (you see it all the time - for example, queerbaiting, where a tv show wants to appeal to all sides of an issue, so they make characters nearly lgbtqia+ but then throw in enough straightness to please conservatives). Hatari picks their side in each issue instead of trying to cater to everyone, and I respect that a lot. My reactions and emotions aren’t usually prominent or even necessarily visible, but there’s a chance I might actually cheer if they win.

Finally, the honorable mentions, aka countries that didn’t make it to the final but that I would’ve loved to see:

Hungary (in my original top 10) - loved him last time, loved him this time. Beautiful song, beautiful voice, beautiful staging

Georgia - my hopes weren’t high but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love it. There’s nothing quite like a good dramatic song, and this was as dramatic as they come

Portugal/Poland - the two most people were really miffed about in the first semi-final; I think they’d’ve been alright in the semi-final, but both depend entirely on my mood. sometimes I love, sometimes I hate

Croatia - the song was ‘meh’, the singer was fantastic, and the staging was Eurovision in all the right ways

Armenia - one of my early favorites. could’ve used some other people on stage, but otherwise I thought she did wonderfully

Romania - what can I say that hasn’t been said already? she brought everything! that was an experience and an amazing one at that. so disappointed she didn’t make it

and of course,

Ukraine - catchy, badass, wacky, and wlw? sign me the fuck up. So sad to hear what happened to her. I know people are saying this is why politics should be kept out of music, but that’s ridiculous. The real issue is when the issue/message isn’t coming from the artist. It should always be up to the artist’s discretion what they do or do not promote. Propaganda and censorship go hand in hand, which is why I am so bothered by the blanket statements I hear thrown around about Ukraine’s fiasco this year

And that’s all! I think I’ll be happy with anyone scoring a 7 or higher for me winning on Saturday. I wouldn’t be upset about a 6 winning either, I suppose.

Anyways, off to bed so I can make my snacks tomorrow lmao!

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