#THEY RLLY JUST LEFT THOSE KIDS TO DIE LIKE THAT?!!!!!!!!!

[galadrielspeaks]

just found out what happens in the second kinslaying

[shadebloopnik]

This is gonna sound SOOO off or smthn but

Was the Perfect Family Harmony planned to be a weapon against the Bergens?

Long post ahead bc brain is rotting

Ok so as we know, the Perfect Family Harmony is smthn that's so powerful that its capable of shattering diamonds. Not just that but its one of the only thing capable of doing so(according to Floyd it was the only thing but giving the benefit of the doubt)

So we know its strong, and we saw it blasting off Velvet and Veneer off their platforms when they performed it, and they weren't even the targets, they were blasted away by just the shockwave that came with using it.

"Its that powerful."

Ok, so its definitely powerful enough to be used as a weapon right? Yeah it was relatively safe enough to use in front of a crowd, else they wouldn't have tried to do it during a concert, but that could just be when those harmonizing aren't targeting anything.

If it could shatter diamonds, how easily could it break cages? What would it do if it was used to target a Bergen? A whole Kingdom of Bergens?

Lets also go back to that concert, to that time John was obsessed with them getting it right. They were in the Troll tree, in Bergentown, a place where any of them could die during Trollstice. The Bergens were a huge threat, something that trolls, at their size, couldn't fight back against normally so they had to run instead right?

But what if they COULD fight back? What if they had a weapon so powerful that it might finally be able to free them? To defeat the monsters that tortured their kind for centuries?

What if John Dory found a way to help make sure nothing would threaten his brothers' safety ever again?

Like, it'd make John Dory's obsession make SOOO MUCH MORE SENSE

Like yea he clearly has OCD and anxiety and some bossiness and that definitely added to it all, but imagine if it was more than that?

Look at him during that performance. He was in deep. He had a wild look in his eyes, a sort of deranged obsession to have everything be perfect no matter what. It wasn't healthy, it was scary, maybe even downright terrifying for his brothers who had to be subjected to it.

But you know what else he looked like?

Terrified

Man was scared out of his mind. His anxiety and stress levels were through the roof. He probably was one wrong tune away from hyperventilating.

What if it was bc it was so much more than the fans? What if he put the salvation of the entire troll-kind on his shoulders?

One wrong step meant they were nothing.

One wrong step meant disappointing the fans.

One wrong step meant letting down the kingdom.

One wrong step meant another troll getting eaten.

Thats why when they failed, John blew up. He took all of that self-hatred of failing to use that weapon to defeat the bergens and poured it all onto his brothers.

"I know we can reach the Perfect Family Harmony."

"What if we don't want to."

John Dory, blind to how and WHY his brothers didn't want to follow his lead, felt betrayed.

To him, all he's ever done was to ensure their safety, everything was for the greater good. He'd done everything he could, his goals slowly twisting him into a crazed obsession. To hear his brothers say they didn't want to help anymore might've struck a cord too much. If you'd noticed he actually looked really sad and hurt when they started bringing up how much they hated being in the band, but it slowly twisted to anger instead. Kind of in a like, "I tried doing everything for these shts and THIS is how they repay me???" way. He was so stressed and stuck in his own head with his failures that he just couldn't see what his brothers were trying to say.

So in a fit of impulsive rage, he left. To him it probably was like that rlly childish way of saying "Yea im leaving, good luck dealing with the Bergens while im goneee." You know? Like how kids runaway from home when they get angry or upset over every little thing but come back when they realize how stupid that was?

"Im not allowed to change."

And he DID come back. Who knows how long, but he did. Imagine how he must've felt seeing their empty pod in an empty tree, with the knowledge that he could've done something about it. The Perfect Family Harmony could've saved them. They could've used it to break the cage, to fight the Bergens. Hell, it could've been powerful enough to wipe out all the Bergens if they do so wished.

"Im the oldest, I have to be the leader."

He and his brothers were the only ones who'd ever gotten close to getting it right.

"Why do you think I moved into the middle of nowhere? So I didn't have to be in charge of anyone."

The village was counting on them. Counting on him. He let them down. He failed.

"Freeing the village Four little brothers is a lot of responsibility."

They could've gotten it. If only John did it right. If only John did it differently.

If only John Dory was Perfect

[angstymdzsthoughts]

Sending this cause it won't leave my Brian:

WWX died by MDY whipping. She's so angry that she's not as careful as she could be and the whip flies widely. WWX is already in the ground- fully exhausted from all the stuff his body is trying to heal from- and the whip catches his throat and rips into his jugular. He bleeds out too quickly for anyone to react/ body just gives up. He's a teenager and even with a strong golden core it's not like he's immortal or in the best shape.

The maid is killed when she opens her mouth about some disparaging comment and WZL is killed by a grief stricken JC. He's horrified by what his mother did and is more so when his father gets home and kills WC driving the wens back. But his father doesn't react the way he's expecting

JFM is upset (take a pick on how he feels about WWX) but he's compartmentalizing l. WWX is dead so he can't do anything for him but his son, his sect is still standing so he has to focus on that and not on someone he can no longer help. He was like this with finding WWX -his friends are dead but their son isn't. JC doesn't take this change well and is more upset and has no one to turn to cause JYL was sent away for a bit. So he has to grapple with his brother's death at his mother's hand and his father's seeming uncaring. Needless to say he has to change a lot really quick and doesn't trust his parents. (his dad loved WWX more than him-right?- so what would happen if he had died instead of this is how the "favoured" kid is treated).

The wens have taken a hit from WCs defeat and it pauses them enough for WN and WQ to make a run for it. Their family would be a bit bigger than at the burial mounds but not by much since a lot of those healthy enough to fight were forced to leave. (So instead of 20~ ppl it's closer to 50~)

JC is out and about because of conflicting feelings and runs into them and has a moment of just "what would WWX do?" And ends up deciding to help cause it's what his brother would have done esp since he recognized WN as the kid WWX stood up for during the archery competition. He can't take them home cause he doesn't trust his parents so he goes to the lans.

Let's assume LZC is back but no one rlly knows the damage done to LP yet

JC explains himself and asks for help and LZC is ok with it cause 1) right thing to do 2) bolster the lans numbers for rebuilding cause so many died 3) more healers to use during the rapidly approaching war

JC ends up spilling what happened and how WWX dies and LZC knows this will break his brother's heart especially cause LZ had left that morning to check in on LP for them since they know the wens tried something. Basically a damage report

Skip to LP and LZ arrives and meets with JFM and sees the price is mostly intact so thinks things are fine. Asks after WWX and again, JFM is compartmentalizing, doesn't say outright he's dead and just motions to the area they're keeping the bodies of those who did die at which is very close to the healers buildings.

LZ goes to the healers and sadly gets sent farther in and just sees his soulmate dead and just breaks down sobbing over WWX body.

.

[dreamii-krybaby]

Ok i haven’t rlly spoken about EP7 bc I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY that my brain can’t put it into words, like bro I gotta process words…wordssss man, and organize them in an understandable human language

But I will say this with not to much elaboration

SPOILERS FOR EP7

Warning: This is so fucking long holy shit this was originally going to be super short but my ADHD went beserk holy shit-

So it seems that Yeva is the only drone who successfully has had the “Patch” aka cure work on her in some way (Patch version 2.1.8 according to the files shown in EP7)

perhaps isn’t a one off cure and constantly needs updates bc the solver somehow is able to by pass the previous patches

or it’s simply the only version that has successfully worked and the rest hasn’t, because all of the other test subjects has gotten no effect or got their cores corrupted

and in Nori’s case, it was on progress

But the patch doesn’t seem to get rid of the solver immediately, either it needs constant updates for it to slowly kill it or it keeps it at bay but doesn’t necessarily gets rid of it, maybe it prevents possession or lower it’s chances drastically

Now this is very interesting, it makes much more sense why the first thing they did when Nori got possessed by the solver and shit started to go south they wanted to get Yeva, she is the only one who has somewhat of a success on the patch project.

Or maybe they wanted to bring her so she could calm her bestie down or put her in place lol.

As to why Mitchell left her outside of the cathedral, I think is because he didn’t trust her and feared her, due to her off-standing cold behavior. Like the way she looks at him, how she didn’t want mitchell to hold her hand and sort of slapped his hand away, and well him just witnessing the horrors of possessed nori. And when he saw the sentinels had broken free, he may have used the opportunity for them to kill her off by locking her outside

The other reason as to why Mitchell left yeva is bc he simply well- lost her. Maybe when he looked back at the sentinels had broken free he lost sight of her and assumed they might have gone after her

And it may reinforce my idea that she purposely went outside with her husband to find the cross usb with the patch, she already had plethora of motives imo but her main one would be to find this patch and give it to her daughter.

And with yeva having the patch which may given her more control over her body may explain how Doll also has more control over her body, since she inherited Yeva’s patched version of the AS

or maybe that didn’t happen bc that contradicts with my idea that she was after the patch for her kid due to weird genetic shit, unless the AS somehow bypassed the patch or some shit idk

Also her death makes much more sense, in a previous post I analyzed the flashback scene in EP3 and came to the conclusion Yeva died first, then her husband. Knowing that she was willing to put herself in danger for Nori moments before the core collapse.

LIKE I DONT HAVE A VIDEO BUT IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY AT THE EPISODE YEVA IMMEDIATELY PUSHES NORI BEHIND HER AND PUTS HERSELF IN THE FRONT TO PROTECT HER AS SOON AS THE CORE IS MOMENTS FROM COLLAPSING

She is definitely seems protective of the people she cares, and she is willing to endanger herself for them. Which may explain why she died so easily to V.

Perhaps she thought that by sacrificing herself her husband and kid had a higher chance at survival.

AND IT WORKED, sure, her husband died right after her leaving her kid with no guardian and Doll did die in the long run but in that moment Doll DID survive.

Which actually, if she indeed sacrificed herself for her family makes it…so much sadder, like it worked….but not quite….and failed in the end, her sacrifice was worthless in the long run. :(

GODDDD I LOVE HER CHARACTER SO MUCH :(

SHE GENUINELY SEEMED SO NICE AND CARING AND PROTECTIVE OF THOSE SHE CARED ABOUT AND IS CLEARLY WILLING TO ENDANGER HERSELF AND SACRIFICE HERSELF FOR THOSE SHE HOLDS DEAR I CANT-

IT MAKES HER DEATH SO MUCH MORE SADDER TO ME GOD-

LIKE I LOVE CHARACTER WHO ARE COLD AND STAND-OFFISH BUT DO A 180° WITH THEIR LOVED ONES AND ARE ACTUALLY VERY SWEET AND KIND AHHHHHHHHHHH

Ok enough of me going bonkers over dead mom who haunts narrative, my other explanation as to why she died to V so easily, contrasting her absolute girlboss of an introduction in EP7

First of all, V is a disassembly drone, a new unknown mysterious species to Yeva. And DD’s have the AS and Yeva may have tried to use her AS against V which didn’t work wich may have caught her off guard. There can also be the factors she might have been not in the right mental and emotional headspace, we don’t know how much time happened between the core collapse and her last moments, a lot of shit could have happened that may have taken a toll on her, affecting her combat abilities.

Also am pretty sure your brain will go bonkers when a literal angel of death tries to kill you, your husband and your child.

Also let’s not forget that she MAYBE thought that she did deserved to give up her life for Doll not only to give a better chance of survival but because like Nori, she blames herself for making Doll start living a horryfing situation. It was HER genetics who passed down the AS to her OWN CHILD, she may have not known better but I cannot imagine the amount of guilt that must have caused her. She KNOWS what the AS is capable of and she just accidentally passed it down to someone young and innocent who is also her own kid.

LIKE HOW AM I STILL SEEING MORE LAYERS OF YEVA JUST BEING ABSOLUTELY TRAGIC

God she deserves so much better. :(

Well tbh a lot of these things am mentioning is me trying to figure out how the hell Yeva saved Nori from the solver while serving cunt only to wind up dying to V with a simple bullet to the head. Am I on copium?

Tbh I understand more on why Doll was so hellbent on revenge, I too would kill to avenge Yeva (YEVA MY GOD I LOVE HER SO MUCH MY BABYGIRL YOU DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER-)

Also yeah I could make a whole essay on Doll’s death, I fully expected her death but I feel the way they executed it didn’t do her justice at all.

Even if I find her super frustrating I like to think she is in robo-heaven with Yeva now, hopefully with her dad too.

Anyways I have more to say but I think I’ll leave it for other posts

[spinobsessed]

yeah now that I’m older I’m definitely seeing things in spop that I didn’t when I was 12. Catra wanting to stay with her abuser and pretending she never cared abt excelling to hide the fact she couldn’t, Adora bring her “protector” but never in a way that she’d end up facing the same abuse; it all hits a lot harder

Frosta is still my least favorite. She never rlly interested me when I was younger and now she’s annoying me. What makes you think that literal VILLAINS (correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t Frosta an orphan? Because of the HORDE?) are going to leave their evil at the door bc of “tradition”? Like she caused Glimmer and Bow to get kidnapped and I’m yet to hear some sort of apology or recognition of her mistake

Omg and when Catra is looking at the memory of her and Adora as little kids and she says “you promise?” At the same time her younger self does… that was a core memory for her! She thought back to that moment a lot to remember the timing of those words say that in sync! Being by Adora’s side was her life and I can empathize with how much it hurts for that someone to just leave like you were nothing

Ugh and then Light Hope saying “you must let go” after Catra left her to die and Adora letting go of the ledge while letting go of Catra… I was so excited to go through the catradora ship but now I’m loving all this symbolism. 12 year old me was so dumb to not see all this

Every time I think the episode is done giving me stuff to talk abt I end up being wrong! Catra looks so happy/content when Scorpia and Entrapta are excited over the crystal she brought back, but is visibly (to us anyway) a little unsettled by being called a friend. After that whole speech to Adora about how she felt like her sidekick, I assume she’s correlating friendship with weakness; as she HAS gotten stronger since she lost Adora. I don’t remember much but I hope she can warm up to this new trio, Ik that Scorpia has a crush on her that didn’t end well and I’m kind of dreading it. I like to see my little characters happy just as much as I like to see them in heartbreaking pain

[k0k1ch1111]

Death puzzles !!!!

quote log from a fic I rlly am obsessed with rn

“Yeah, I lied! My parents are actually in Russia,” Kokichi told him gleefully, his eyes narrowed at the block he was very carefully wiggling free from the tower. “I haven’t seen them in years since I’m actually forbidden from entering Russia.”That was probably a lie, but Shuichi was curious how far this story went. “...why?”“I ran for president,” his classmate sighed mournfully. “Now I can never reunite with my family.”

If you’re neither, then congratulations, I think.

"Hmm, yeah… that’s too sweet,” Kokichi hummed thoughtfully, seeming to see an entirely different problem than he did. “How about babygirl?” “And I am stopping this conversation here,” Shuichi decided, rolling onto his side away from his classmate. “Goodnight, Kokichi.”

he had always had a bit of a soft spot for physical comfort. Maybe his parents didn’t hug him enough or something.

Shuichi got to have a full night of sleep full of peace and ignorance while Kokichi got to die of heatstroke in the night. Overall, it was a pretty fair deal in his books.

The second grave he dug up was also incorrect, he noted in despair. Also, he almost got whiplash seeing what looked like a girl in the coffin, and he didn’t even want to think about the implications of what the gravestone meant if this kid was what he thought they were. That was an absolute nightmare scenario for Shuichi himself, and he couldn’t imagine being killed over it…

Our bathroom’s gonna look like a crime scene,” Kokichi groaned, throwing his head back and letting it droop to the side. “Once my hands are cleaned up, I’m dealing with yours. You look like you’re about to cry.”I am about to cry, he thought depressingly.

This guy had bounced from borderline manic to the childish, game-loving prankster he had come to know in the Objective Room.

What's there to talk about?” asked Kokichi, thankfully lowering the gun. “It’s like Monokuma said! It’s a puzzle of luck. Either I die and permanently traumatize you for the rest of your probably very short life, or I’m totally fine. Seems like pretty even odds to me.

”I’m glad you asked!” A list appeared on the screen next to Monokuma, which he read out. “Shooting yourself with just one dummy bullet will earn you entertainment for the Objective Room. Watching you two argue about the earth being flat killed some of my brain cells, so I figured that you could do with some books or board games or something.”

"I didn’t know I was that still of a sleeper…” Shuichi admitted sheepishly. “Do I really look that bad…?” “Yes,” replied Kokichi without hesitation. “Yes, you do. Watching you sleep makes me want to spontaneously buy a coffin for you, flowers and everything.” “You watch me sleep?”The room went deathly quiet as the two of them stared blankly at each other.

“Not sure.” Kokichi shrugged, sitting on the pulled out chair and crossing one leg over the other. “You were sleeping for a reaaaally long time though. Why do you sleep like you’re a child from the 1300s dying of the plague?”

He decided that it was better to just let Kokichi get all of the Kokichi-isms out of his system before asking about the puzzles.

I haven't updated this in like. Many chapters oopsiesss

I won’t be able to do it myself… s-so please, Kokichi. Let’s survive this together.”“...we are so fucked up,” Kokichi whispered with a drastic shudder.

Maybe they had left for a vacation? That was okay, he supposed– they worked hard enough. Even organs deserved a vacation… little hard workers. So noble.

He briefly wondered why his hand wasn’t closing around anything.And that’s when he finally remembered, oh, right. That’s gone.

“So you have synesthesia,” Maki concluded.The minute those words left her mouth, Himiko broke out into a sweat, casting her eyes downward. “N-No… it’s my magic.”

It’s not that bad,” he choked out. “K-Kokichi took most of the beatings, even when he didn’t have to. I’m fine…”He didn’t even have to look up to see Hajime’s skeptical expression. “Shuichi, your hand is missing.”

“Where’s the others?”

“Saving the ecosystem,” Shuichi told him in barely a mumble.“Supposedly,” added Maki. Somehow, Hajime managed to look even more tired. He massaged his temples with two fingers each, squeezing his eyes shut.

Why would she put us through the trouble of putting it on if she’s just going to take it off!? he thought in outrage, fighting to get the stupid thing off of his head. It was so liberating to have his jaw entirely free once again– it felt like he was human again. Did she just want to humiliate me…?

Y-You really shouldn’t be walking around on a fractured ankle…” the woman continued stammering, her hands on her head. “I-If malalignment develops, then H-H-Hajime’s the only one who’d be able to fix it! You should r-really lay back down!”

“You should try ketamine,” he retorted dryly. “You sound like you’d benefit from it.”

You thought I was gonna die?” Kokichi scoffed, disguising his teary voice underneath a snicker. “Yeah, right. Like I’d die in a stupid locker.”

So apparently. The world ended.

And yes, he knew he shouldn’t be walking around yet. That was something Mikan, Shuichi and Hajime all reminded him of daily. Was that going to stop him, though? No. No it wasn’t.)

The rules were stupid,” Himiko insisted fiercely. “I’m glad you guys are okay now. I was casting all kinds of protection charms for you, but I wasn’t sure if they ever reached you.”Protection charms.Kokichi had nearly forgotten about it after what happened in the Seating Puzzle, but with that reminder, he could feel his body heating up.

“Or we can just… have a nice picnic somewhere,” Shuichi suggested hurriedly. “No one needs to slit open their stomachs.”Kokichi pouted. “Not even a little bit?” “What does a little bit even mean…?”

Maki made it… for Kokichi? Shuichi cast a surprised look back at his partner, who had stood out of his wheelchair and limped into the room. He gave Shuichi a similarly confused look, seeming to lack any form of an answer too.. Well, she was the one who found us. I was really aggressive over him when that happened…

Ah, barns. Shuichi didn’t imagine that he was going to be visiting that place anytime soon. Big animals were nice, and he always found horses a little fascinating, but up close? They were a little terrifying.

Hajime rubbed the side of his head, exasperation flicking across his face. “I wish I knew which god to curse, but no, I brought this upon myself. Let’s move on to our next topic: a recovery plan.”

He’s definitely going to run away from our sessions,” Hajime muttered under his breath as he closed the door.“A broken ankle will definitely not stop him,” Shuichi agreed fondly. “When are his sessions, anyway?”Hajime put on a small smile. “I’ll keep it a surprise, at least for now. He’ll be easier to catch if he doesn’t know when to flee.” “That– um, that sounds terrifying.”

You’re… feeling dysphoric?” Kokichi somehow found the bravery to ask.“What’s dysphoric?” Kaito whispered.

Obviously, that’s a lie. Vampires don’t exist, silly goose,” Kokichi declared. “Clearly he’s a ghost.”

“Also, even if you were high, why would you two be kissing each other? How bored do you gotta be?” “I can think of an emotion other than boredom that’d lead to it,” Kokichi snickered. Kaito paused, thinking deeply. “...curiosity?”Clearly, that wasn’t the answer Kokichi was thinking of. The only reaction he gave was a deadpan stare.

ONE CHAPTER LEFTTRR AGAHWHSJJD

Invisible paint brushes streaked lines of orange and yellow across the darkening sky, and he thought for only a moment, Angie must love her new canvas.

Every drop of color drained from his face and his head snapped forward, facing the sunset as he coughed awkwardly. Kokichi, probably curious, sat up and looked back at their apparent audience, forming an ‘o’ with his mouth when he saw them.“Busteddd,” Kokichi whispered, not sounding bothered in the slightest.

“I’m not jealous!” Kaito defensively shouted. “I’m just… really freakin’ confused!”

“What’s so hard to understand? Is it ‘cause we’re both boys?” Kokichi guessed, his voice layered with something akin to amusement. “Have you never seen two boys kiss before, Kaito?”

“That’s… that’s not the problem! I’m confused ‘cause I wasn’t expecting…” Kaito gestured wildly at them, his mouth open helplessly before he managed to spit out, “you two, yknow!?”

I wasn’t moping,” Shuichi protested at the same time K1-B0 exclaimed, “jetpack shoes!?”

As expected, K1-B0 looked even more surprised. “What? Kokichi and Shuichi are dating!? When did this happen?”

“This cannot get any worse,” Shuichi mumbled into his hand.“Nyeh!? What are all you guys doing here?”He stood corrected.

“The stars look great tonight, don’t you guys think?” Kaito spoke up, lifting a finger skyward.“You say that every night,” Maki pointed out.“That’s ‘cause the stars are freakin’ awesome!” Kaito shot back with an enthusiastic grin

Hell yeah, Keeboy! Embrace the robot!” Kokichi cheered, clapping his hands together excitedly.

"Whoopee! Keeboy, you’re flower girl.”

“What!? Why am I the flower girl?” K1-B0 demanded, visibly frazzled.“It’s like when you have your dog bring you the rings. You’re perfect for the role!” Kokichi exclaimed, practically having stars in his eyes as he excitedly pumped his fists up and down. “Himiko’s my maid of honor.”

“Nyeh!?”

TGE ENDDDD AUGH ILOVED DEATH PUZZLES SO DEARLY THANK YIU TO THE AUTHOR FOR WRITUNG IT.

[driaswrld]

iv. catharsis.

part of : the letters sealed and unsent event.

— from : geto suguru

the world feels so quiet.

do you know, what it's like to hear everything and nothing at the same time?

thirteen months, fifteen days, twelve hours and thirty seven seconds. the ugliness of this world was nothing to me. i made a choice to save others, to be the defining line between whatever good is left in this world and the sickness that threatens it.

i loved you through it. so take the thought from your brain. i know you've heard it from the others by now, haven't you? they'll tell you what i did and i know you won't believe it, you'll slam your door, you'll dial my number, just — it's all true.

i woke up slumped against a bathroom sink, mirror foggy and hands still bloody.

i didn't feel anything.

two minutes, forty-nine seconds. i listened to them scream, i watched them cry, plead and make promises to whatever god they could.

i wanted to scream like that too. don't i have more reasons to scream? don't i have more reasons to be on my face, mouth full of dirt, caked in blood and begging? don't i deserve to live?

two seconds out of forty-nine i thought of you, of what you would say, of what you would do when you heard what i'd done.

and then i felt everything.

the adrenaline was so high — the blood pumping through my veins coursed through me like a drug. it was a catharsis. i wanted them to feel my pain. i wanted them to hurt. i wanted the whole world to stop turning.

in those two seconds i knew still, some people shouldn't be allowed to live. i'm no deity, no oracle, no poet —

but this world is a disease. there are people who treat it and others who spread it. i'm making a choice, to cull them like i should've from the beginning. how could i have sat with you longer, knowing our fates were written already?

don't make that face. i can feel you, even now i can... just don't. you doubted me just now — don't do that.

i know it won't work. i know how it sounds.

but i have to try.

what has all of this been for if not to end it all? why are we running in circles? why am i waiting to die? why am i waiting to be taken from you?

i'm not asking you to come with me. i wouldn't want you to.

i didn't do this because of you. this is for me. love can't save us, that much is true — but that doesn't mean i never loved you. that doesn't mean i don't still love you.

i don't regret what i did. i never will.

if i regret anything, i regret not holding you tighter. i regret not kissing you longer.

and even in some twisted way, i regret not grabbing more of your stuff. the polaroids in my pants pocket are past crumpled, that sweater you like so much is shoved somewhere with everything else.

i'm sorry i took some of your hair clips. i didn't know what to do, i just took whatever i could.

if i knew then what i know now, i'd burn you into my flesh. and it's funny, because it's not like you aren't already.

don't mourn me, please. it's all i ask of you. scream, be rageful, be hurt. cry if you need to. just don't mourn me.

i'm never apart from you. so don't grieve me like some stranger. i'm here. i'm yours.

don't mourn me while my heart still beats for you.

and please,

don't forget me.

i was a kid when i first loved you, and when i die, i'll die knowing i loved you.

tell the world you loved me too.

— for knives 💌 (@todorokies)

there's no way you aren't a masochist knives pls wtf i broke my own heart (made this less poetic so i could rlly get into his personal emotions and damn)

[pup-pee]

*presents u my dick grayson hcs like ur @ my garage sale* (dick hcs #1?)

♡ this

♡ hes a passenger princess(no this is cannon whoopsie)

♡ dick is like the first girl 2 b killed in a slaughter movie, but just as a 27-ish yr old adult man

♡ draws on a beauty mark in a different spot everytime & gaslights any1 who asks about it -"hey wasnt ur beauty mark under ur other eye?" -"idk i cant see my own face"

♡ hes always losing his hairties bc he keeps shooting them @ ppl -& rubberbands 4 that matter

♡ we dont talk about the skin grip example -it involves a lot of falling & a lot of crashing -if ykyk

♡ dick usually has a twix in his pocket, but in order 2 get it u have 2 guess if its a left or right twix -he also respectfully keeps the left twin in his left pocket & the right twix in the right pocket

♡ he never believed in santa claus but is terrified that watermelon will grow inside him if he swallows the seeds

♡ not rlly a hc but hes vry mcdonals girl toy coded

♡ says "fuck it we ball" b4 jumping in2 a drug ring

♡ the hardest hes laughed in a while was @ a bucket falling over

♡ "masculine but in a peacock way" quotes,,,,,

♡ makes hot chocolate in a pot -refuses 2 make it in a mug it HAS 2 b done on the stove or its not the same

♡ knows how to do his make-up but doesnt know the name of the product he uses -foundation? no thats just my face paint

♡ if u ask him 2 draw, hell say "i cant even draw a straight line!"

♡ dick; *pulls out sticker sheet* *puts mlp sticker some1s face*

♡ swallowed grapes/blue berries whole as a kid bc he didnt know better -didnt chew them*

♡ dicks fav turtle is leo

♡ fixates on tinkering w/his bits & bots

♡ wears crocs -"y do u wear crocs?" -dick; kicks in their direction so the croc hits theyre face

♡ eyeballs measurements(like cooking) -until it comes 2 clothes, then its ultra mega super duper whopper popper deluxe edition focus

♡ h8s grippy socks -the textures weird + attracts halys hair(as if all socks wouldnt but-) -prolly h8s socks in gen

♡ had 2 have snorted pixie stick as a kid -i am such a believer that every kid has done this so he will 2 -as a dare @ LEAST

♡ when hes angry he plops 1 of those sweet cough drops in his mouth 2 chew on just so that he doesnt go off -any hard candy works 2 -he needs 1 of those chewie chewables

♡ biting/chewing hcs bc it needs a separate category @ this point -keeps chewing on earbuds -h8s biting his nails actually -no pen or pencil or eraser is safe -loves biting but h8s when his food is 2 chewy/has 2 bite harder than usual -has more than 1nce caught himself about 2 chew on electrical wire -bites ppl he loves 2 show appreciation/love nom -(i will defend this goddamn hc till the day i die)

♡ pizza bagels -if ur confused, come see me after class

♡ titans have basically banned horror movies from movie nights bc dick would complain about the gore/physics/traps/mo/literally anything 'inaccurate' -"dick its just a movie" "U DONT UNDERSTAND."

♡ has the most social media followers out of batfam but only posts 1nce a month(sometimes not) -its just a picture of his half eaten cereal captioned "beautiful day today"

♡ titians walked in on him doing a backbend & thought some1 murdered him(not 4 vry long though cause oviously he was alive i just like the thought of some1 like roy when he 1st joined the team walking in & doing the most dramatic gasp ever)

♡ listen, i like contortionist dick -its fun & silly

♡ takes 'cringe' as a compliment

♡ "ur mature 4 ur age!" dick; "let me fix that real quick"

♡ hair grows vry quickly

♡ h8s functioning labels(i mean we all should but yk)

♡ skilled in bingo

♡ over buys treats 4 haly -& toys

♡ insane internal clock -kinda ties in; tells ppl specific times -"meet me @ 2;37 pm" as an example

♡ comic sans enjoyer(literally stole from ttg but shhhhhh)

♡ more invested in presidential gay love affairs than WW1 or 2

♡ hes about yay high

♡ hyperfixates on languages istg

i literally could go on 4ever bc my brain is that highway in germany but i wont i regret nothing

pt 2 <- if i make 1 lol

[d4ldolly]

mys (massive yap session)

blehh does anyone feel rlly confused ab if anyone actually cares ab you?? like I just wanna die but not in a suicidal way. like I just wanna see how people would react.

pros-

if they do miss me I'd be flattered

I wouldn't feel bad about myself anymore bc someone actually cared

n if they did miss me id be happy cuz id know i left a mark on this earth even if only a short while

cons-

well I die

what if they don't miss me

there's sm beautiful and cool things on earth is it rlly worth throwing it all away and starting over just for the small comfort of knowing someone will remember me

i wish there was some way to know. like a lie detector in my brain or something. yk how you sometimes have a very best friend, the kind of people you would die for and tell legit everything to? i wanna know if they feel the same way for me.

I've been in lots of situations where someone I've known 4 short time suddenly becomes attached 2 me, but like I don't want them that way. its endearing 2 know that they do in fact enjoy my presence and choose me over a large group of other people but I feel bad not reciprocating it. im gonna sound so cringy and pickme type like this but wtv. I like a very certain type of person. (not romantically in this situation)

i wouldn't say I've had the... average mind? since 11 I started starving n cutting n getting addicted to gore. I think 12 was when it really hit, I'd be so addicted to the feeling of physical pain seeing the scratches brought me elation. it wasn't even bc I was depressed or anything it was just so fun. i think red and bruises look nice on me. I didn't tell a single soul about this but i implied it n made jokes of it for the slight chance someone would pick up the undertones n maybe try to help me. I think it's embarrassing to have this addiction. why am I like this? why couldn't I just be normal. maybe everybody around me does this too but I'm just and overreacter n their all in a joke I'll never understand.

n as a kid + preteen I was fugly bro. like I still am but damn!!!!! I guess it's sorta ok bc I was like 7 but man. being asian in the us was not a great experience. it wasn't so bad it constantly interfered with my life to the point of breaking me but it did piss me off alot. all i wanted to be was skinny and white girl pretty. (I DO NOT MEAN THIS OR ANYTHING I SAY IN A RACIST WAY AT ALL!!!!!!)

anyways i thought to myself every single day that everything was pretty. most people (around 14 out of 15) never seemed to understand what I meant by that and god was i confused. what do you mean that the yellow-green grass on the lawn with specks of miniscule dots made up of white and blue flowers wasnt pretty? that the details on a single tree in the big big forest weren't worth your attention? the lines and details of a rock, formed by years of going through nature. the way the light ripples and reflects into clear water, always making new colors you'll only see once, and disappearing in a moment as it trickles away down the stream. little moments like those were all I cared for. the thing I spent the most of my time on? people. I love everybody. I love every single part and cell and strand of hair and scar, skin, nail, the little freckles, dots, moles, bones, veins, flesh, imperfections, perfections, god. I could spend eternity and forever just staring. I don't know why I do this, but I never want to stop. people are so interesting. it's funny how we're all different.

sometimes I just laugh. laugh because I live and get to see and feel and smell and taste and hear and love. I think I like being a human. maybe being a dog or royalty would be easier, but I wouldn't trade my current life for anything in the universe.

reflecting on myself is something I do unconsciously, every single moment I get to myself. most of those moments are just embarrassment because I think I'm ugly. do you think insects believe they're ugly? i would spend minutes, days, months, and decades just trying to convince a beetle that he's beautiful. maybe I'm beautiful? I wouldn't know. how would anyone know if I don't know myself?

i think that's my biggest fear. genuinely, factually coming to a conclusion that nobody will ever want me, whether it's because my physical firm or mental ways of just being me. I'd be so sad if i love literally everybody, unconditionally and never bending to a single whim, just to be put to the side without a second thought. hopefully they put me on a little shelf in their mind, so atleast they'll remember me somehow. they better do it gently too, i might break if they don't care for me.

i hope someday, probably long after I'm gone, everybody will find peace. don't know what kind of peace, but just something or somewhere they can rest for a moment. I hope the bees have a safe hibernation. the bears are warm in their cave. the plants are eager to grow after being dormant. that the dung beetle gets a rest and finally achieves rolling it to the top of the hill. that the little brown-white mushrooms growing after a long rain in the forest thrive. that the deer graze happily in a meadow. n most importantly, I hope whoever or whatever read this is happy. your life could be miserable. lets enjoy what have, or what we'll never have while we can. we'll never be here forever, but you can damn as well make it worthwhile.

yolo,

-d4l_

[burgundykicks]

1. "I love you ,its ruining my life" WAS NOT EXPECTION THAT IN FORNIGHT ,A TRACK 1?

I absolutely love the beat tho and I'm so exited for the music vid

2. HOLY SHIT THIS GD TITLE TRACK IS GIVING RED TO ME?

LIKE CAN YOU HEAR THE RED? I MF LOVE IT

"This ain't the Chelsea Hotel ,we're modern idiots"

"You left your typewriter at my apartment ,straight from the Tortured Poets department"

NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING DAMN

3. "I clean up sandcastles he destroys"

NOOOOOOO

"Left all these broken parts ,and told me I'm better off"

STOP IT PLEASE

4. "For a minute I knew cosmic love ,now I'm down back crying at the gym"

TELL ME THATS NOT WOLFSTAR/JEGULUS CODED?!?!?

Actually this whole song is giving wolfstar

"Everything comes out ,teenage petulance"

SIRIUS AND THE PRANK

5. TRACK FIVE OH GOD

"How much sad did you ,think I had ,did I have in me?"

STOPPP HELPNO ILL CRY

(INTERRUPTION TO SAY SHES JUST ANNOUNCED 15 EXTRA SONGS HOLY FUCK?!?!?!? SHES A MACHINE BRO)

6. "I only know these people raise you ,to cage you"

THIS SONG OMDS IT HITS SO HARD

"I'm having his baby ,no I'm not ,but you should see your faces"

Giggled bc that's rlly funny

7. "Now pretty baby I'm running back home to you ,fresh out the slammer I know who my first call will be to"

AHHHHHHHH

8. FLORENCEEEEEE

"I need to forget so take me to florida ,I got some regrets ill Bury them in florida"

9. "My boredoms bone deep"

"Am I allowed to cry"

"Someone told me ,there's no such thing as bad thoughts. Only your actions talk"

"If its make beleive ,why does it feel like a vow"

MARAUDERS FANDOM THOUGH

10. "You don't get to tell me about sad"

NO OMG THE WAY SHE SCREAMS THE TITLE HURTS SO MUCH

"Is it a wonder I broke let's hear one more joke ,then we could all just laugh until I cry"

"Who's afraid of little old me, well you should be"

"So tell me everything is not about me ,but what if it is? Then say they didn't do it to hurt me ,but what if they did? I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me. You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me."

Fuck

11. "But your good lord doesn't need to lift a finger ,I can fix him (no really I can)"

"He had a halo of the highest grade ,he just hadn't met me yet"

12. "Black and white ,all those plot twists"

The noble and most ancient house of black.

"I wish I could un recall ,how we almost had it all"

"It was legendary ,it was momentary"

13. TRACK 13!

"Cuz I'm a real tough kid ,I can handle my shit"

"Lights camera bitch smile ,even when you wanna die"

"I'm so depressed I act like it's my birthday everyday"

"I cry alot but I am so productive, it's an art"

"Cuz I'm miserable ,and no one even knows"

14. "Was any of it true ,gazing at me starry eyed"

"And I don't even want you back I just want to know ,if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal"

"And I would have died for your sins ,but instead I just died inside"

15. "Honestly ,who are we to fight the alchemy"

"This happens once every few lifetimes"

16. Last track before bonuses/the doubke album omgggg

"All your life did you know, you'd be picked like a rose"

"No one in my small town thought I'd see the lights of manhattan"

"You look like ,stevie nicks in 75 ,the hair and lips ,crowd goes wild at her fingertips ,a half moon shine ,a full eclipse"

MARAUDERSMARAUDERSMARAUDERSMARAUDERS

"Promise to be dazzling"

"You look like taylor swift in this life were loving it ,you've got edge she never did ,the futures bright ,dazzling"

I'LL POST A RANKING WHEN I DECIDE BUT AHHHHHH

[bbina]

hello sorry i was playing rblx to blow off some steam.. ANYWAYS !!!

ok lil back story 🥰

our friendgroup and k (the ex friend) were like friends ya but then from last year, she started acting all bitter js bc we like performed at an event w/o her when we literally BEGGED her to join and she was the one who didnt want to so like Ok dont care BUT THEN SHE BECAME LIKE .. ALL HATEFUL TOWARDS US???

tea time..

Ok so like ever since march??? We dont even talk ab her anymore like we srsly forgot ab her like we're neutral w her BUT TELL ME WHY SHES STILL TALKING SMACK AB US 😨⁉️ sorry but i dont rlly remember what was it back then coz .. yeah not worth it but then like when our new sxh year started, she started telling the new kids to STAY AWAY FROM US??? WE WERE SHOCKED OBVI COZ LIKE WE DONT EVEN HAVE ANY GRUDGE AGAINST HER BUT HERE SHE IS ACTING LIKE A KID! its so funny how she calls us "mean girls" when we're just there minding our business??? She had the audacity to tell them like "oh ure in the same class as the mean girls", "watch out for the mean girls, theyre soo fake they talked shit ab each other" omfg Hoe shut up. Then K also said like "the girls in class x are mean so dont get close to them. Dont get close to them" LIKE??? K DOESNT EVEN TALK TO THE GIRL IRL WTAAAFFFFF

Fan alert!

ugh idk anymore but she has the most grudge against me omg she literally daid like "oh 🗯 basically is friends with lots of ppl and yeah.. she knows those popular ppl" ?? And ur point is? hows me being friends w ppl a problem are u js jealous 🙄🙄😒😒 she js keeps on talking smack ab me tho like ok girl argue w the wall 😭😭😭😭 js say ure bitter and get over it omg we dont care ab u hehe sorry if this is too long 😓😓

ㅡ 🗯

omg she's jealous..... 😭 i had a friend just like urs minus the fact she got the whole batch to turn AGAINST me and ME ALONE for a period of time. worse time of my life i almost considered ending it that time bc i literally had no one cus they believed her over me LMFAO ANYWAY !

i hate bitches like that. like are you that friendless that you have to turn on your own friends like that for no reason at all? minus the fact you felt left out?? how about you try to include yourself and take initiative lmao fuck this is pissing me off too lol

bitches really die from the lack of attention like ??!!?!! gawd . just ignore her/them . its not worth your energy lmfao even if the shit u hear is a lil??? never let them know ur next move

[troph4eum]

yet another rant lol TW// talkin ab suicide n shit like that this is a sad one

so im not gonna get too specific w this one cuz its honestly jus a bunch of mess ion want strangers on the internet knowing but like a series of events have transpired and honestly they've left me feelin hopeless like idk rn its looking a bit more up but this honestly isnt the direction i want my life to be going. idk ab the rest of yall but it feels like my life has been a series of waiting for shit to happen w the promise that itll get better once that thing happens. but every time it gets to that point its basically the same as it was before.

and honestly i just need to come to terms with the fact that im always just going to be sad because of MDD like theres literally nothing i can do about it my mind is just wired to be hopeless type shit. and now its like all the options that i used to have have been stripped away from me all at once and its all coming to a head and like i rlly dont know what to do. i only got like 2 ppl who im rlly close to rn everyone else left due to one thing or another and in all honesty it sucks. like i love those 2 ppl w all my heart dgmw but damn man icl i do miss having a more extensive support network. and like honestly i wouldve been kms if i didnt have my dog. having another life to consider and take care of has rlly been a blessing and a curse for me. like bc of him i stayed alive to experience all the good that has happened but it also lead to me being here with damn near nothing to do. i cant leave him alone here i cant trust nobody w him hes like my kid almost. i dont want him to have to live in this world without me n ion wanna ever b without him. shit just thinking ab it makes me wanna tear up man i love that dog so much yall dont even know.

anyways idk outside of that if i die before i get to see this project to its completion ill be letting myself down. trophaeum is supposed to be my opus its supposed to be what the entirety of ilyjin is building up towards but im just struggling so much with staying alive that i cant see myself making it up there. i cant even focus on working on the project bc of all the shit thats been goin on man. i jus dont wanna let myself down ive done that more than enough in this life. ik ive talked before about how i dont fit in the mold that society has constructed for us and that holds true more than ever now. with all the things going on in the world idek if my dreams are still gonna be possible. its very disheartening. idk man ion think i wanna talk ab this anymore. its not even that its too painful or anything its just that im starting to not see the point. and tbh ion like ppl knowing just how sad of a person i am like all the time. but at the same time i cant help but be honest about who i am. i am a neurodivergent person with depression theres nothing i can do to change that and i shouldnt have to be ashamed or hide it. but sometimes it genuinely feels like im supposed to just ignore those parts of myself in order to fit into the capitalist machine.

ig my whole point in saying this is that im scared that ill never be able to show the world how much of an artist i really am and that ill never be able to have the impact i want to on the next generation.

after this post im gonna talk about overcoming toxicity like i said i would last time.

[myunne]

- omg wait heeseung is so quidditch captain codeddd

- also i’m in slytherin (help) but ill let it slide ig

"he's not my boyfriend!" you denied, shaking your head so hard it started to hurt. jay chuckled at your flushed reaction. "relax, i'm just teasing." "i know," you deflate, pointedly looking away.

- im gonna cry you wrote the denial into the body language / dialogue sooo well

he wore a simple black button up, with the last few left open, allowing the world to see the smooth skin of his collarbones. paired with his black undercut, it was honestly a very simple outfit. it's the little details that made him all the more attractive, and it brought your attention to his pink lips. soft and light in contrast to his dark appearance.

- STOP THE DESCRITPFION ISNK SO FIEIODOD I THINK IM IN LIVE WITH THE WORDING

the corners tug upwards into a smile, and you realise he's noticed you looking. you turn away ashamedly and pointedly engage beomgyu in a conversation, ignoring the burning gaze set on you.

- are you trying to kill me. bc i would die if he caught me staring at him i can’t

"please? i'll buy you that one bag you wanted." "are you talking about the dragonskin one? i only mentioned that once,"

- nononoono he remembereddeeejwjsnnsan i can’t take it

heeseung grinned that pretty smile of his. "do you want to kiss me?"

- NO BC IM SCREAMING YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. YOU DONT US WERDTANS

he leans in, closer to the center. closer to you. "i dare you to kiss me."

- I LITERALLY HATE YOU IM GONAN BAN YOU FEOM WIRITING SFOP HES SO KEKSJQKKZK I CANT

you'll probably realise it was a mistake later on, a kiss that never should have happened between two friends. because friends don't kiss, and yet, you can't seem to pull away.

- i don’t even have words for this part likeee. this came from your brain. i’ve never kissed my best friend before but now i feel like ik what it feels like ?? and the knowing you’ll regret it but staying anyway <////3

after all, if you just ran away from the problem, you'd never have to confront it, right? over time, your (five year old) crush will definitely dissipate, right?

- exactly like yn js gets it

“i was waiting for the right time to say this, but then i'd be waiting forever. "i like you, possibly even love you. i don't know when these feelings started, but i realised when jay asked you out last year. i've liked you for way longer before that though. "i suddenly became aware of how, when everyone cheered for me in my games, it was only ever your voice that mattered. or how much i missed holding your hand in my sleep like we used to as kids. and then you kept looking at me with those eyes earlier, and i just needed to know how your lips felt right then. time feels like it stops when i look at you, i think i'm going a little crazy."

- ok that’s Enough. this confession is the only thing i need in life idc other people say “ily” but heeseung says “iwwftrttstbtibwf”

- also jay asked yn out what ??? drama 👀

"y/n, please. can i be yours?" he murmured into your neck. "you always have been."

- i’m done i’m leaving bye gone dead deceased unexisted deleted IM CRYING I NEED THIS TO HAPPEN IM SO DELULU RN

— 💌

- you are literally so good at writing. like your writing style made it feel realistic but so descriptive and the WYA YOU WROTE HEESEUNG IMG

- and the use of veritaserum is so genius ?? especially when r didn’t even say anything under it rlly and the joke at the end >>

- there were so many times reading this where i was genuinely invested like i was screaming irl

- i’ve written / read so many bsf2lovers but this one. WAS SO GOOD like it didn’t even feel chiché despite the tropes it was just so goodd

- AND THE ENDING OMGGG STOPI WILL NEVE GET OVER THE ENDING LINE WHYYY

- i’m literally gonna reread this sm

<3

VERITASERUM. - LHS

; SYNOPSIS - after gryffindor’s victorious quidditch match earlier in the day, celebrations ensue in the common room that night, and you find yourself dragged into a game of magical truth or dare. when you make eye contact with lee heeseung, your best friend since diapers, the smirk on his face has you dreading whatever question or dare he sends your way. 

"do you want to kiss me?"

; PAIRING - heeseung x gn!reader

; WC - 2.8k

; TAGS - one-shot, fluff, barely any angst, hogwarts au, childhood best friends to lovers, gryffindor!heeseung, griffindor!r, truth or dare/spin the bottle trope ; WARNINGS - underage drinking (Plz don’t do this !!!!), kissing

; AUTHOR'S CORNER! i don’t really have anything to say lol

the best thing about being a gryffindor?

the parties.

granted, students will always celebrate a win, no matter what house they belong to. but gryffindor was known to host the best post-match parties. (but maybe you're a little biased.)

gryffindor had won the quidditch match against ravenclaw earlier today by a landslide. that's the fifth time in a row that your house has won in a match - all thanks to heeseung, the team's captain; your childhood best friend since you were eight.

oh, and your crush of five years.

once the match ended, you wasted no time running down to the pitch to congratulate your friend. when heeseung caught sight of you approaching, his face broke into an achingly wide grin, one that sent your heart into overdrive. he spread his arms wide and enveloped you in a hug before spinning you around as you tucked your nose into the nook between his neck and shoulder. he smelled of grass and dirt and was coated in sweat, but it didn't matter to you.

"gross," jake's voice ruins the moment.

looking over heeseung's shoulder, you find jake scrunching his nose at you two.

"couldn't you save the PDA for when you're in private?"

you pulled away from heeseung's embrace and cross your arms across yourself in embarrassment. you missed his warmth immediately. he groans as you retreat from his arms.

somewhere along the journey of growing up, innocent hugs with your best friend gained more implications to their meanings.

"always ruining things," heeseung mutters as he turns to his teammate.

"suddenly, i can't hear," jake smiles with mock-sweetness. he turns to you and nods in acknowledgement. "see you at the party later, y/n?"

"this one over here would never let me miss one," you roll your eyes playfully, nudging heeseung in the side.

by the time you came down from your dorm to the common room, the festivities were in full-blast. half the students looked either tipsy or well on their way to being full-out drunk. you could see people from other houses trickling into the red and gold of the gryffindor common room, streamers and balloons decorating the walls.

"y/n!" you looked to find jay, one of heeseung's friends, had called you over.

"hey," you greeted. pointing at his cup, you asked, "what's that?"

"well, it was originally a non-alcoholic cocktail, but someone had added a full bottle of firewhiskey to the mix."

"ah, so that explains the situation..." you nod in in understanding.

jay pursed his lips. "yeah, and since no one here really drinks much, you can imagine how low the tolerance around here is," he says as he gestures to the common room filled with stumbling and giddy teenagers.

you cringe as you see someone crash into a table, causing the game of wizarding chess another student had been playing on it to fall to the ground. yep, there'll be quite a mess after tonight.

"where's heeseung?" you asked the slytherin, looking around curiously.

"he's gone back upstairs to get something." jay looked at you as he sipped from his drink. "why, is my presence more boring than your boyfriend's?"

"he's not my boyfriend!" you denied, shaking your head so hard it started to hurt.

jay chuckled at your flushed reaction. "relax, i'm just teasing."

"i know," you deflate, pointedly looking away.

it's at that moment you spot jake walking up to you two.

"guys! come here, let's play a game."

"what game?"

"truth or dare." then, he grinned mischievously. "with a twist."

"i don't like the sound of this," you say immediately.

"c'mon, don't you want to play?"

"not really, no thanks."

"everyone's joining, let's go!"

and with that, you were left with no choice but to follow as jay and jake all but dragged you by your wrists.

you all sat around the fire place, with ten or more other students joining in on the fun.

heeseung finally joined just before it started, sitting just opposite you in the circle. you two share a secret smile, one that has you almost forgetting there were other people with you in the moment.

he wore a simple black button up, with the last few left open, allowing the world to see the smooth skin of his collarbones. paired with his black undercut, it was honestly a very simple outfit. it's the little details that made him all the more attractive, and it brought your attention to his pink lips. soft and light in contrast to his dark appearance.

the corners tug upwards into a smile, and you realise he's noticed you looking. you turn away ashamedly and pointedly engage beomgyu in a conversation, ignoring the burning gaze set on you.

jake summons cups full of the (now alcoholic) cocktail in front of everyone, before placing an empty bottle of firewhiskey in the center of the circle. you get a trickle of suspicion that he's the cause behind all of this, but you shrug it off.

"okay. so, as per the rules of the game, whoever spins the bottle is the one asking a question or giving a dare. the person the bottle lands on is on the receiving end of it. if you absolutely can't answer the question or do the dare, then take a swig from the cup." jake then shrugs, stating, "be a pussy and test your alcohol-tolerance, or grow some balls and stay sober."

"you said there was a twist," you remind him. these were all rules of a typical truth or dare game, everyone knew them.

"right you are, y/n!" he smiled brightly, clicking his fingers at you. with a swirl of his wand, he summons a familiar vial labelled 'veritaserum'.

a chill goes down your spine.

"truth serum? wait, isn't it like- illegal to misuse it like this? aren't we breaking some rule about students not being allowed to use veritaserum?"

"it's only breaking the rules if you get caught," he winks. "so, if you choose truth, you have to take three drops of this. that way, we'll know you're definitely not lying, seeing as you can't lie with this in your system." you begin to wonder how many rules jake's broken in the name of fun.

"ready?"

and the games started.

an hour into truth or dare, your cup was half empty.

by this point, jake had half of his left eyebrow singed off, yunjin had become a human magnet, and beomgyu’s mouth and nose had been transfigured into a duck beak. you yourself had half your hair jinxed to a red so bright it hurt everyone’s eyes, but that’s a story for another day.

everyone agreed not to take more than three drops of the truth serum, since no one was really interested in finding out what might happen if they overdosed. besides, the effect lasts up ‘til the morning, so there wasn't really any need to take more every time you chose truth.

not that you chose that option, anyway. the bottle had landed on you a grand total of five times, and you’d chosen dare each time.

it’s not like you had anything to hide, you tell yourself. you just like a bit of challenge, right? right.

after heeseung admitted to having used felix felicis at least once during his games (a little luck never hurt anyone, especially when they won those games), it was his turn to spin the bottle.

heeseung reached for the bottle; you waited with baited breath as it spun around.

every spin that cursed bottle took, you could hear your heart pounding louder and louder in your ears. please not you.

please not you pleasenotyou please-

you lean back and look up to whatever being out there decided to play with you today, because of course it stopped, nose pointed at you.

one look at heeseung’s face doesn’t quelm the uneasiness you’re feeling.

the corner of his lips are quirked up into a subtle smirk, one you can only see because you’ve known him for so long; memorised his behaviour patterns. not even the buzz from the alcohol could stop you from noticing that he’s planning something.

“go nice on me, hee. dare.”

“c’mon, y/n. that’s the fourth dare. are you hiding something from us?” a relatively sober jake asks with a raised eyebrow.

“no, it’s just more fun to complete dares,” you defend yourself.

“it’s fun to tell the truth, too,” heeseung remarks. his intense stare sets a fire in your stomach ablaze. there’s a mix of curiosity and challenge in his eyes.

"just give me a dare," you sigh.

heeseung shakes his head. "i won't ask anything too bad," he says, but you want to accuse him of lying. his questions this game have been the most brutal. and his insistence on getting a truth hints to you that there's a question he really wants to ask.

"please? i'll buy you that one bag you wanted."

"are you talking about the dragonskin one? i only mentioned that once," you say, surprised. your best friend just shrugged and waited for your answer.

if he still planned to hang out with you after this question, then maybe he really didn't plan to ask about your feelings, not in front of all these people, at least. but if you said no, you know heeseung would never pressure you into choosing the truth.

maybe you should have done all the dares you were given, if only so you would have been in the right mind.

otherwise, you would never have asked jake for the vial of veritaserum, which had everyone (who wasn't flat out drunk and were still following the game) cheering loudly.

"truth," you stared heeseung in the eye, gathering fake confidence after your three drops of veritaserum. heeseung grinned that pretty smile of his.

"do you want to kiss me?"

yeah, no. you were a liar (at least, before you took the truth serum). that fake confidence fell away instantly. had you really been looking at his lips that much the whole evening?

"dare." just because you took the serum doesn't mean you can't choose to not answer.

heeseung's smile widened, as if he'd already gotten his answer. he leans in, closer to the center. closer to you.

"i dare you to kiss me."

'oouuhh's and whistles echoes throughout the room, and people who hadn't joined the game turned towards the circle curiously.

you slapped your hands to your mouth in shock, you hadn't expected him to be so upfront. he sat and waited, whether for you to answer his question, or act on his dare.

you don't know if it was the firewhiskey, the chants of everyone saying 'kiss! kiss! kiss!', or maybe the electricity in the air between you two. maybe it was all three, plus the feelings you harboured over these last few years. whatever the case was didn't matter though - not when you went in for it anyway.

in a swift moment, you captured his lips in a kiss, which he reciprocated in pulling you closer, his hands firm on your shoulders. all of your feelings and thoughts pour into the action, setting aside all of the hesitation and doubt to immerse yourself just for a moment.

you couldn't break away, and neither did he. his lips were soft, but so full of life and emotion, fueling you to kiss him harder. a flickering thought that maybe, he felt the same. a small hope that your feelings for him weren't so unrequited. it was exhilarating, treading on that fine line between friends and lovers.

you'll probably realise it was a mistake later on, a kiss that never should have happened between two friends. because friends don't kiss, and yet, you can't seem to pull away.

when you finally did though, heeseung kept you in place, his arm draped around your waist.

"wait," he huffed, panting and trying to catch his breath. you could tell he was trying to gather his thoughts.

you'd been avoiding this, because you had an inkling feeling about the words words he wanted to say, but couldn't. you were honestly scared of what they were: rejection? saying he knew you liked him, but didn't feel the same? pity? disgust?

if he didn't like you back, you would never recover. the end of your friendship - a ten year one all ruined in the blink of an eye. all of the effort you'd put in to it, only to be destroyed by a stupid stupid stupid kiss.

for a long while now, friendly conversations on a winter evening by the fireplace and innocent letters you'd owl to each other's dorm every night no longer seemed to suffice. but you had to accept it, knowing you'd never have a chance with him. so instead, you just avoided that topic whenever the conversation headed in that direction, veering it away to a lighter one.

after all, if you just ran away from the problem, you'd never have to confront it, right? over time, your (five year old) crush will definitely dissipate, right?

and now, you were stuck in an awkward position.

"sorry, can we speak in private?" he looks to jake for permission, who nods with a sparkle in his eye, a smile barely hidden.

heeseung got up from the floor, and dragged you up by your wrist. you tried to ignore all the murmurs, but you couldn't stop yourself from hiding behind your hands. your face was certainly red, and definitely not from the alcohol. you were much more sober now.

when he brought you to a secluded place, heeseung pulled your hands away, and looked at you with concern.

"are you okay? i'm sorry if you felt pressured back there. i shouldn't have done that."

dread filled you, the blood draining from your body and a cool shiver took over.

"you shouldn't have done what? we shouldn't have kissed?" you asked, holding back tears. this was going exactly the way you always imagined.

"what? no!" his eyes widened, speechless for a moment. "y/n, that kiss was everything to me. you don't know how long i've wanted to do that."

you gaped at him, confused. it was your turn to be speechless.

"what do you mean...?"

heeseung leaned back, retreating into himself. he couldn't look at you as he confessed, "i was waiting for the right time to say this, but then i'd be waiting forever.

"i like you, possibly even love you. i don't know when these feelings started, but i realised when jay asked you out last year. i've liked you for way longer before that though.

"i suddenly became aware of how, when everyone cheered for me in my games, it was only ever your voice that mattered. or how much i missed holding your hand in my sleep like we used to as kids. and then you kept looking at me with those eyes earlier, and i just needed to know how your lips felt right then. time feels like it stops when i look at you, i think i'm going a little crazy."

your heart raced, you couldn't believe your ears.

"wait, because i've felt this way for you since we were thirteen. have you really liked me back all this time?"

heeseung turned to you, a meaningful look in his eyes.

"i wouldn't have asked for a kiss if i didn't think about you like that. you're the world to me, and i didn't want to lose you because of how i felt. i don't know where that surge of confidence from earlier came from."

you start to laugh. "you don't know how long i've wanted to do that either," you say simply, relief filling your veins.

"longer than just tonight, i hope?"

"way longer before that," you parroted.

heeseung grinned, and pulled out a gift bag from his back pocket, charmed to hold bigger items.

you gasped. "this is the bag!" you look up at him. "you already bought it?"

it hit you then that this was the 'thing' he'd been getting earlier, back when you spoke with jay.

"i did," he smiled, handing it over to you.

"so when you said that earlier..."

"i planned to give it anyway, whether or not your accepted my dare or not."

"so you're saying i could have avoided all that anyway? i hate you," you folded your arms and rolled your eyes playfully.

"i didn't know you could still lie under veritaserum!" he gasped, with equally as much playfulness in his tone.

"some are less affected," you shrugged.

he laughed before wrapping his arms around you, hanging on the small of your back. you hugged him back, placing a soft kiss on his jaw.

"y/n, please. can i be yours?" he murmured into your neck.

"you always have been."

; TAGLIST - perm . @lovelovelovebts @miyseung @babyy-bambii @haechansbbg @gweoriz @maoyueze @manooffline @chocwo @yizhoutv @isawritesss networks . @kflixnet @k-films @/k-labels

[baekhvuns]

From:- 🥀

Yo ✌️

This is me after i saw u still used my old username in the hashtags or whatever they're called in Tumblr lang.

Anyways, u see I'm literally typing this at 3:02pm , right , as u answer other asks so tht u cn answer my ask with them 😏😏😏😏😏

Yeah I agree those Pakistani dramas do be having the same story , the girl marries the guy she doesn't loves (who's most probably her second cousin) , she goes thru oppression and idkw by the fam, but still survives it , then the husband slowly and gradually starts falling in love but then the girl's father dies, which leaves her in depression, the boys fam take this as an opportunity to confiscate the property of the girls hich is left by her dead father, bcz she was the only kid and her mother has eventually gone crazy due to the loss of her husband , the sister of the husband decided to add more salt to the wound somehow the MCs fight but the female protagonist finds out she's pregnant oh no and somehow things fall in place , the boys family is exposed and they apologise which leads to a happy ever after. 😀

My mom made me interested in the Pak dramas but honestly with all honesty they're faaarrr better thn Indian dramas.

I truly spent 30 min of my life to watch the live stream i missed by KQ only to realise it's just water and strong winds, then went to an interpretation video bcz ofc I'm dumb. And now i realise WE HV GEMS RLLY!!! GEMSSS! I MEAN CMON THTS ONE WAY TO PROMOTE 😭😭 hats off to KQ.

And WHAT IS THT HWA COMEBACK PIC LIKE EXCUSE ME?? DID U ACTUALLY WANT US TO DIE EYE-

Dude the other day my mum was like here lemme show u something and then opened this YouTube channel of this girl from a punjabi-hindu family who married a korean guy and was like "they look cute don't they?"

"these days many PPL are doing inter-racial marriages." "I like this type of diversity"

I WAS LIKE WAIT AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE A HINT??? IS THIS U GIVING ME ALLOWANCE I CN DATE IN THE FUTURE WHO IW ANT WHICH I FOR SURE KNOW IS GNNA BE A KOREAN GUY OR SOMEWHAT SIMILAR BCZ MY STANDARDS ARE SO FREAKING HIGH RN *but i won't mind if he's from my country as well as long as he treats me well but- nvm*

Also my crush situation is messed up like idekw i had a crush and why things happened but ok....weird things happen

Also bae another Indian kpop idol!!! YAAAASSSSS

*i also simp for korean football players*

https://www.instagram.com/p/CjLoCcspOm0/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧 they grow up so fast (not my acting like a mom)

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cjqkf0lttb_/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= ah-

https://www.instagram.com/p/CjxnaAzNbG5/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= if this is old , how come i miss all the good content???

Okieee buh byeee tc bestie ✨

hello!! i just kept the tag bc it tells me who it is bc i will forget dbdb

Anyways, u see I'm literally typing this at 3:02pm , right , as u answer other asks so tht u cn answer my ask with them 😏😏😏😏😏 ///// Yeah I agree those Pakistani dramas do be having the same story , the girl marries the guy she doesn't loves (who's most probably her second cousin) , she goes thru oppression and idkw by the fam, but still survives it , then the husband slowly and gradually starts falling in love but then the girl's father dies, which leaves her in depression, the boys fam take this as an opportunity to confiscate the property of the girls hich is left by her dead father, bcz she was the only kid and her mother has eventually gone crazy due to the loss of her husband , the sister of the husband decided to add more salt to the wound somehow the MCs fight but the female protagonist finds out she's pregnant oh no and somehow things fall in place , the boys family is exposed and they apologise which leads to a happy ever after. 😀

LMFAOOOO IM SORRY I DIDNT SEE BC I PASSED OUT FHWKDHWK yeah! most of them time its the second cousin marriage trope and i cant watch it tbh the only one i did was the suno chanda,, it was cute but it could’ve been LITERALLY ANYONE BESIDE COUSINS INTO AN ARRANGE MARRIAGE AND ID WATCH IT MORE

My mom made me interested in the Pak dramas but honestly with all honesty they're faaarrr better thn Indian dramas. //// I truly spent 30 min of my life to watch the live stream i missed by KQ only to realise it's just water and strong winds, then went to an interpretation video bcz ofc I'm dumb. And now  i realise WE HV GEMS RLLY!!! GEMSSS! I MEAN CMON THTS ONE WAY TO PROMOTE 😭😭 hats off to KQ.

ur mom is so correct, indian drama’s bring me headaches 📉📈📉 but sometimes the fights be mad interesting,,, LMFAOOOO 30 MINS WATCHING A WATER ASMR IN A MALL WHAT A TEASER 😭😭😭😭 THE PROMO TEAM RLY HATS OFF

And WHAT IS THT HWA COMEBACK PIC LIKE EXCUSE ME?? DID U ACTUALLY WANT US TO DIE EYE- ///// Dude the other day my mum was like here lemme show u something and then opened this YouTube channel of this girl from a punjabi-hindu family who married a korean guy and was like "they look cute don't they?" ////// “these days many PPL are doing inter-racial marriages." "I like this type of diversity"

they say they like this type of diversity until it’s someone form their own family 😭😭🤚🏼

I WAS LIKE WAIT AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE A HINT??? IS THIS U GIVING ME ALLOWANCE I CN DATE IN THE FUTURE WHO IW ANT WHICH I FOR SURE KNOW IS GNNA BE A KOREAN GUY OR SOMEWHAT SIMILAR BCZ MY STANDARDS ARE SO FREAKING HIGH RN *but i won't mind if he's from my country as well as long as he treats me well but- nvm* //// Also my crush situation is messed up like idekw i had a crush and why things happened but ok....weird things happen

LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭😭 see my trust in brown men has 📉📉📉 its rare to find a really nice one bc they’re all just wanna be gangsters 😭😭

Also bae another Indian kpop idol!!!YAAAASSSSS /// *i also simp for korean football players*

the no.9 jersey & son >>> but i have to say the brazilian ones are 😮‍💨😮‍💨

https://www.instagram.com/p/CjLoCcspOm0/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= //// 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧 they grow up so fast (not my acting like a mom) //// https://www.instagram.com/p/Cjqkf0lttb_/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= ah-

san as a kid is so cute 😭😭 bro would be scared of what he’s on stage today fbwndbsn AND ABSOLUTELY NOT.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CjxnaAzNbG5/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= if this is old , how come i miss all the good content??? //// Okieee buh byeee tc bestie ✨

ITS LIKE TWO MONTHS OLD FBWMDHSK BUT ALWAYS GOOD CONTENT

[srlkiller]

my mom is up to some shady shit… i need to jus say fuck everything n take her to court to sort it all out 4 good. from now on im gonna move in silence.. im gonna gather all my evidence & meet w the ppl i need to meet w. in 2023 im going to live for me, no one else. if you have parents that love you… please realise how truly blessed you are. i am so envious of those of u who do, that’s all ive ever wanted. idk what my parents are up to.. but i jus know it’s not good. i couldn’t imagine ever treating my child this way… n going around acting like some kind of ‘amazing mom’ knowing full well that u couldn’t care less if i was alive or dead lmao. we jus had a conversation about how much money SHE would get if i died… that’s how fucked up she is. i am being so serious when i say this. if i die… she did it. she knows the EXACT amount that she will get from my death.. she knows the terms in which i have to die in order to collect the money. she told me if i kill myself she doesn’t get anything so if I plan to ‘commit suicide anytime soon’ atleast make it look like it was accidental or from other causes so that she can collect.. who the fuck says that shit to their child? while laughing. she’s serious.. she’s said it many many times & tells me when ‘my policy changes’. im not being dramatic. im 10000% sober & keeping it that way.

what’s worse is that my dad has been texting her about his own ‘death beneficiary’ & asked for my full name??? i was already on his will so im almost positive that they are conspiring (she would have said something to make him do it - most likely so that i don’t get any of his money or his house??? which is SO FUCKED UP like WTF) together to basically take me off of it & put her on it. they’ve been divorced since i was not even 2 years old. how evil can someone be… all she gives a fuck about is MONEY. ive never been like that.. im sentimental. i spent all my $$ on the ppl i love n they all fucked me over. i still.. to this day.. buy her whatever she wants.. anything she likes.. just to try & get her to be nice to me… to pay me some attention.. to spend time w me.. it works for about 30 seconds if that. she usually RETURNS my gifts for the cash bc she knows how much money i have spent on her. she doesn’t buy me a single gift for any fucking thing. yet id still give her the world if I could. i hate myself for it. i will NEVER FORGET my dad calling me around the time my nan was dying and telling me how much of a piece of shit i am & saying that im “nothing but a fucking bitch” bc my mom straight up lied to him n told him the only reason i talk to/see my dad is so that when he dies I’ll be able to get his house & money. LIKE WTF. she saw my dad one day when he came to visit my nan & he mentioned he started seeing some girl & the first thing she did was run home & tell me.. “you better start talking to ur father more.. he has a gf now so ur gonna end up w none of his money when he dies.” i was like where the fuck did that even come from… who thinks like that… who says that shit to their only child about their kids father???

he wasn’t sick.. he wasn’t dying… but i immediately panicked n thought something was wrong. that’s all i cared about. n she was like no he’s fine just though u should seriously rethink talking to him more before he changes his will…… i was like I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HIS WILL OR HIS MONEY???!!??!! so this makes COMPLETE SENSE for her to do to me… total sense. i should have seen this coming. especially from her. i jus never expected it from him.. but she’s so manipulative & has him twisted around her little finger now to the point where she’s somehow convinced him that this is ‘what is best’. she’s already stolen all of my own money… she took the money that my nan left me when my nan died. hid it in a secret bank account & most likely has already spent it (BUT I BET MY FAMILY DONT KNOW THAT RIGHT?! NOR DO THEY KNOW HOW SHE RLLY IS BC SHE ACTS FAKE AF) now she’s trying to take over my dads shit n he’s too blind to see wtf she’s doing. this is so fucking upsetting. like wtf…………….. who the fuck does this. then goes around talking shit about me to every family member?? to the point where i can no longer attend any family gatherings bc they think she’s so sweet n innocent n im some crazy delusional bitch? IM NOT UR FUCKING ENEMY IM YOUR CHILD. I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING WRONG TO YOU. i never wanted to take her to court.. i never wanted it to go this far… but holy shit… she is so evil. it hurts me so much. i just want a mother. that’s it. it hurts so bad. longing for something that’s so close.. yet so far removed. i genuinely do not know where the fuck to go from here… i just want her to give me everything that is legally & rightfully mine so i can LEAVE if she wants me gone so fucking bad. i feel like that’s the only way out. so i guess im gonna have to just do whatever it is i have to do to get all my shit legally & then just cut ties completely. she doesn’t deserve any of my kindness or my love.

& to anyone reading this n thinking/saying shit like “omg stop complaining if it’s so bad then why don’t u jus leave.” - im not stupid. if it was that simple don’t u think i would have left a long ass time ago? no one wants to be in an extremely toxic & abusive environment day in & day out. no one knows all of the shit i have gone through & it’s VERY HARD to just up & leave when you have been manipulated, brainwashed, exploited, controlled, & abused in every single way but the only two people who brought you into this world & were supposed to show you love, protect you & care for you. i have NEVER HAD THAT. EVER. this shit isn’t something new.. this is life long… i have only jus started to become aware of how bad the situation actually is within the last few years with the help of other adult professionals which i used to never be allowed to talk to. unless you have been subjected to the same exact shit you won’t understand it & pls realise how truly blessed u are to not know that kind of pain. it’s a miracle i am even still here standing on my own two feet. even if this legal shit doesn’t work.. atleast i can honestly say that i tried. but i need to start using my fucking smart ass brain instead of following my heart bc when has that ever worked out for me/helped me lmao? i need to now remember to always b alert of absolutely everything when it comes to her, i need to stay on my toes & make sure that i remain 10 steps ahead of her at all times. rn i feel like idk what’s going on n im extremely scared n it’s the worst feeling ever. that’s why i have written this n put this here for documentation & also evidence just incase. todays date is 13/12/22

[erin-bo-berin]

hi erin! i have a little request and it just hit me like an epiphany- and yk when those hit and your whole mind becomes occupied with it and starts imagining scenarios- yea like that,, so in this little epiphany-request it’s a little angsty but fluffy and it’s if steve and reader had a messy break up that caused her to move away for college or something, probably after vecna when steve maybe started drawing himself closer to nancy and reader saw it, and maybe that night there was a big blow up argument and the six little nugget topic w nancy came up in it, and they break up. then reader makes a choice to move to college to get a hold of herself, and maybe a year later she comes back for the holidays ‘cause the kids and robin have been pestering her for a while, and when she comes back all the kids + robin, and eddie who didn’t die cause im not mean like the duffer bros, plan a movie night or something and steve hasn’t been told anything so he’s obviously upset and like “why are all of you going together without me?” and he’s arguing cause he’s a big of a territorial bean when it come to his kids, and then after a while max gets rlly annoyed and starts yelling at him for driving her big sister figure out of town and not letting them enjoy a day with her, and he kinda just goes mum because holy shit she’s back and he has half a mind to run to her house -that he drives past every day ignoring the pain in his heart- and beg for your forgiveness ‘cause you left. you left and he didn’t realize how badly he needed you- and idk if this makes sense but maybe when they see each other they just stare and go like the shy hi’s? bonus if reader kept a necklace or smth that he gave him cause he’s just staring at it and he’s gonna burst into tears I know it.

gasps because that made my mind breathless- and like all my requests this is very chaotic ‘cause my thoughts are like dreams, if I don’t pen them down I forget! and i hate that,, please ignore this if you don’t like it and congratulations once more on 5k!! your steve x single!mom verse changed the steve fics for everyone <3 🪐

Gah thank you! I’m really loving this request by the way. This is gonna be so cute and fluffy by the end BUT WAIT there’s gonna be angst of course!

This was just the perfect gif for this LOOK AT THAT PUPPY DOG FACE

All Roads Lead To You

Steve Harrington x Reader

Voices were raised, doors were slammed and hearts were broken that fateful night.

“I have eyes, Steve!” you shouted, “I see how you look at her!”

“Y/N, it’s not like that, I promise!” Steve pleaded with you.

“You told her you saw yourself having kids with her!” you screamed.

When his mouth opened and closed, unable to deny it, you laughed bitterly. Tears were stinging your eyes, but you refused to cry in front of him. He didn’t deserve your tears.

“Yeah. Nancy told me. At least someone has the decency to tell me the truth.”

You were angry and hurt. You wanted Steve to hurt as much as you were. You’d spent the entire week watching your boyfriend with his ex-girlfriend. There was still something there, as much as it pained you to admit it. A person would have to be blind to miss that.

“You’re still in love with her, aren’t you?” you whispered.

His eyes, looking as defeated as you felt.

“I’m with you though, Y/N.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” you said, pressing your lips together in a tight line.

You were practically grinding your teeth to a dust to try and keep from crying. You weren’t enough for Steve if he apparently was still in love with Nancy.

“I don’t know if I am, okay?”

He threw his hands up in exasperation.

“It’s not like I’ve cheated on you! I never would!”

You knew he was right, but this was almost worse. How much lower can one feel when they find out that the person they love doesn’t love you the same? You told him just as much.

“But it’s almost worse, Steve. How would you feel if you watched me getting close to my ex again? Probably like a knife to the heart, huh?”

He was quiet again.

“You basically admitted you wanted to marry her!”

“I know, I know. It just…came out,” he winced.

“Oh that’s rich,” you huffed, “Let me just go find Eddie and profess my undying love to him while we’re at it.”

“That’s not fair and you know it,” he scowled.

“Well now you know how I feel,” you crossed your arms, glaring at him, “Not to mention she’s in a relationship too, Steve! How is that fair to her either?”

“I don’t know, okay? I wasn’t really thinking,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Be honest with me. Have you ever really be invested in this relationship or was I just a distraction from her?”

“How could you even think that? You know I love you!” Steve grimaced.

“It’s hard to tell anymore,” you frowned, crossing your arms, looking away from him.

Just when you thought he couldn’t shatter your heart anymore, he succeeded in doing just that.

“Maybe…maybe we should see other people,” he said, running a hand through his hair.

“Yeah. Maybe we should,” you replied bitterly.

That is how the best relationship you’d ever had came to a horrifying, heartbreakingly abrupt ending.

•

You ended up moving away for college after your split from Steve. It hurt way too much to stay in Hawkins, having to run into him.

You have no idea what happened with him and Nancy. She was dating Jonathan after all, but who knows? Not that you cared. You threw yourself into studying, into parties, into work, anything that would help you forget about Steve, forget about Hawkins.

Summer break was coming up soon and you still hadn’t figured out your plans yet. Your roommate had invited you to vacation with her and her family, but you hated to be an imposition.

One phone call changed your course though.

You were studying for finals and had come to a much needed place for a break when the phone in your dorm rang. Your eyes were aching and had began to cross from staring at your text books for so long. You sighed in relief, even grateful for a telemarketer at this point.

Leaning across your bed, you grabbed the receiver, bringing it to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Well, look who’s alive!”

You smiled at the familiar, teasing lilt of your friend Robin.

“Hey, Robin,” you smiled, sitting back against your pillows.

“You don’t call, you don’t write, I’m starting to feel insulted, Y/N!” came a voice from the background.

You laughed, hearing Eddie’s complaints.

“I haven’t called for two weeks, not two years,” you chastised him.

“It’s been too long either way,” Robin said, “Oh the kiddos want to say hi.”

“Hi!”

“Y/N I miss you!”

“Come home already!”

“Hi Y/N!”

A chorus of mixed voices were faint over the line, but by the volume, you assumed that Robin had held the receiver up for the group.

“Hi guys,” you chuckled, “Tell them I miss them too.”

“She says she misses you guys too,” you heard Robin say, “Not sure why when you drive us crazy here.”

You laughed again, feeling a pang of homesickness. As much hurt that Hawkins had left you with, you missed the great group of friends you had. You’d especially missed the phone calls lately.

“Two weeks though? I was going insane thinking you died or something!” Robin exclaimed dramatically.

“I’m sorry, finals are coming up and I’ve been cramming for them. I’ve been living in either a state of stress or exhaustion when I’m not studying or sleeping.”

“You’ll ace them, I know it,” Robin replied, sounding certain, “Besides, then you can come home to us!”

You fingered the necklace that you always wore, even now. It was a simple heart locket that rested coolly against your skin as if it always belonged there. Steve had given it to you for your one year anniversary. You didn’t have the strength to part with it and the comfort it brought you to still wear it was surprising, considering you tried hard not to think about Steve.

“I don’t know…” you hedged, “I haven’t quite figured out what I’m going to do for summer break. My roommate invited me to go to Tahiti with her and her family.”

“Well Tahiti doesn’t have us, missy.”

You could hear the sass in her voice and it made you chuckle.

“That’s true.”

“Do I have to call in reinforcements to convince you to come home?”

You didn’t even have a chance to respond before you heard the chorus of voices pleading and begging with you.

“Please!” Max and El.

“Yes come home we miss you!” Dustin.

“Hawkins sucks with out you!” Lucas.

“I think I forget what you even look like, it’s been so long.” Mike.

“Please come home for the summer?” Will.

“Honestly, who’s gonna keep this kids in line if it isn’t you?” Eddie.

Robin knew your weak spot, that’s for sure.

“Well?” Robin pressed, coming back on the line.

“Okay, okay. I guess I’m coming home for summer break,” you relented.

You had to hold the receiver away from your ear at the shrieks and whoops of joy that came from the other end.

“You won’t regret it, I promise,” you could hear the smile in Robin’s voice.

“Hey, Robin? Could I talk to you alone for a moment?”

You heard her murmur something to the others and you heard a door click, so you assumed she’d moved to a more private place.

“If you’re going to ask how Steve is, he’s the same as always.”

You sighed.

“I’m that predictable, huh?”

“Pretty much,” she answered baldly.

“As much as I hate it, I still care about him,” you replied glumly.

“You don’t hate it, Y/N,” Robin said gently, “Honestly, I’d be more concerned if you didn’t care about him still.”

“Is he…seeing anyone?” you asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Out of the handful of times you’d asked Robin how Steve had been doing, you’d never asked if he was dating. But now, knowing you were returning to Hawkins in a few short weeks, you found yourself curious. You told yourself you were just preparing for the worst in case you ended up seeing him with Nancy or worse, another girl.

“If you mean Nancy, nah. That never happened. She’s still with Jonathan,” she answered nonchalantly, like she was giving you the latest weather report, “And before you ask, there’s no other girl either. He’s practically turned into a monk and it’s weird.”

You didn’t know how to digest all that information, so you did what you did best: ignore it.

“How’s work going?” you asked her, twirling the cord of the phone around your finger.

“If you think I didn’t notice your swift change of subject, I did. But since you’re my best friend, I’ll overlook it,” she huffed, “It’s going alright. Nothing exciting.”

You spent the next hour on the phone chatting with her about anything and everything. By the time you’d hung up the phone, your wariness about returning to Hawkins had dissipated.

It would do you good to see your friends.

•

It was Friday night and Steve couldn’t find any of his friends anywhere.

Nor could he get ahold of them.

He’d tried all the usual spots after he’d closed up after his shift at Family Video. He tried the mall, the arcade, the diner, even the Wheeler’s house—where the gang usually congregated. No luck.

Before he’d left work, he’d tried calling Robin. Then Eddie. Then Dustin. He even tried the Sinclair’s house and Max. Either they didn’t pick up or their respective families had told him they weren’t there.

He was absolutely mystified, especially when he found them all at Dustin’s house, having a movie night. Without him.

He was trying not to be hurt as he loved movie night with his friends.

“What are all you guys doing here and why didn’t I get an invite?” he frowned, “Also, I called you before I left work and you didn’t answer!”

He pointed an accusatory finger at Dustin who shrugged.

“Sorry, dude. We just got here.”

“Where have you been?” Steve asked, glancing around at them.

They all avoided his gaze and his suspicions rose.

“We had some errands to run,” Eddie shrugged, nonchalantly.

“Errands,” Steve repeated, dubiously.

They all gave him noncommittal shrugs and grunts.

“So were you just going to casually forget to invite me for movie night?” he folded his arms over his chest, giving them what they teasingly called his parental glare.

“We couldn’t, okay?” Lucas said, shrugging.

He was even more confused.

“What do you mean you couldn’t?”

“We promised we wouldn’t,” Robin clarified, though it cleared up nothing at all for him.

“Because we wanted to spend a night with Y/N and she wouldn’t have come if you were here,” Max snapped, fire in her eyes, “I haven’t seen her in a year, none of us have and I’ll be dammed if I let you ruin me seeing the best big sister I’ve never have just because you were an asshole that broke her heart. You may have suffered, but so have we because we miss our friend.”

His head was reeling. You were here? In Hawkins? How did he not know that?

“She’s here?” he asked, finding it hard to breathe.

“Well not yet, but-”

Dustin’s reply was cut off by the sound of the front door shutting.

“Sorry I’m late guys! I stopped by the store to grab some boxes of popcorn so we can-”

Your words faltered as quickly as you froze in place, seeing who was standing in the middle of the Henderson’s living room. You’d been insistent that you didn’t want to see Steve, but now that he was here…you were kinda glad.

Steve’s heart stopped. He was sure of it. There was no oxygen reaching his brain or his lungs. Nothing mattered but seeing you. You looked incredible, like you always did. You had that effortless beauty that he loved because you never truly grasped how beautiful he thought you were—are. Your lips were parted in a surprised “oh”, but the word never made its way past your lips.

My god, your lips. He missed them so much. Obviously he missed you in general, but he never realized how for granted he took the kisses shared with you. Whether it was gentle, passionate kisses, searing, desire filled ones or even the perfunctory peck when leaving or arriving, he realized more than ever in that moment how much he missed kissing you.

Apparently, he’d lost the ability to speak as well as he just stared, dumbfounded at you. You hadn’t changed much in a year, though your hair was now shorter, like you’d just recently cut it. He loved it, it brought even more attention to your pretty face.

You had an obscene amount of microwave popcorn boxes in the grocery bags in your hands—then again with this crowd it was like feeding 50 people, not eight.

“Hi,” you whispered, still stunned by his presence.

“Hi,” he whispered back.

He wanted to tell you that he regretted breaking up with you.

He wanted to tell you that he missed you so fucking much.

He wanted to tell you that letting you go was the worst thing he ever did, that he needed you in his life, by his side, so much.

He wanted to tell you how many times he’d drove past your house in the last year, pain slicing his chest like an ice blade ripping it open. He knew it was all his fault you were gone, but somehow, driving by your house was as peaceful as it made him full of sorrow. While you’d been gone, that’d been all he had left of you, that small sliver.

But now, here you were and he wasn’t going to waste the opportunity.

When his eyes landed on the silver heart locket on your chest, he lost all pretenses of holding it together as tears sprung to his eyes. You’d kept the necklace he’d given you. You were still wearing it.

His eyes met yours and you saw the realization in his. He saw the affirmation in yours. You’d kept wearing his necklace around your neck, quite literally a symbol of you still having his heart.

“Whenever you’re ready,” he said hesitantly, “I have a lot of things to say that I think you should hear.”

You said nothing, but it was the small smile that gave him hope. He would hold on to that thread for as long as it took you because if he was ever lucky enough to win you back, he was never going to let you go again.

After all, somehow, your road had led you back to him.