#THERES LIKE. 3 MAYBE 4 THINGS I HAVE ON A MENTAL “this could be whats going on with u” LIST

[tamarieatsbatteries175]

Ohhh. OHHH.

OHHHHHHH.

I GET IT NOW

[mediumgayitalian]

fic rec friday 4

hi!! welcome to fic rec friday. every week, i pick five fics i have bookmarked and rec them with a little review. check them out!

Serenade by @porcelaincas

“Will Solace,” Nico said. They were so close now that Nico could see that there were golden flecks among the blue in his irises. “Are you trying to serenade me?” or the one where Nico falls for Will even before the battle against Gaea and it all culminates on a warm summer night.

i am always a deep deep sucker for fics where will and nico know each other, at least slightly, before BoO. theyre so fascinating and for what. in this one in particular...oh will helping nico in the bronze jar is crazy. i don't want to spoil it but my ass was sat on that seat reading.

2. Stupid Teens by tihsho

Will likes getting gifts, and Nico likes the way Will blushes whenever he gives him anything. It should be a simple situation, but nothing's ever simple for Nico. Something's bothering Will, and Nico can't do anything about it. Never mind that he still can't seem to put a name to these feelings, either. Maybe there's a point in here about anger and nuance, or maybe it's a point about being young, or self acceptance, or whatever else. Or maybe Nico's just reading into it too much.

yes the homophobia scene is a little gratuitous. HOWEVER. the beginning scene is so dorky and ridiculous that i actually smile WIDE every time, first time i read it i laughed out loud. and the whole nico likes to spoil will a little bit (a lot bit) even well before they got together headcanon is GODSENT its one of my favourites. and i also like in this one how will maybe needs a minute to get comfortable in his sexuality too!!

3. Find Happiness in Misery by percyspandapillowpet

"Nothing can make me happy, Solace," he spat bitterly before turning away and wiping furiously at his face. "I like to try." --- In which Nico is searching for happiness, for his childhood, and for a Christmas present.

this is an older fic, but i think it still holds up!! i love any fic that goes over the whole mythomagic thing tbh. theres so much story potential there and this fic had a very sweet premise.

4. Looks Like We'll Be Trapped Here For A While by percyspandapillowpet

Nico stopped in his tracks and turned towards Will. “The Aphrodite cabin is planning to prank us. Today.” Will raised his eyebrows. “How do you know?” "They were talking about it. I just heard them.” Sighing as if it were just what he was expecting to hear this morning, Will reached up to scratch the back of his head. “Okay. What do you want to do about it?” Nico pondered this for a moment. “I think we should hide.” “Hide? Where?” Will asked. “We can’t leave camp, and it’ll be awfully boring to stay in the forest or something all day.” After a quick mental scan of all possible locations, Nico realized there was only one unfortunate solution. “Um…how about my cabin?”

cheesy and fun!! the mythomagic scene in particular made me giggle. in particular i love this part and feel like you should all be made aware of it:

“It’s…a game I used to play, when I was little,” he replied carefully.

Will looked up at him. “Do you still remember how to play?”

He felt his entire face turning red. “Well…kind of, I guess, but I’ve outgrown it…”

Will glanced at the back of the box. “What’s the attack power of Athena?”

“Five thousand,” Nico replied automatically, and then immediately groaned. That stupid game was so hardwired into his brain, and now Will was going know how much of a weird geek he was—

But Will was smiling. “That’s adorable. Teach me how to play.”

nico being physically unable to hold the stats back....unbeatable headcanon. adore

5. Pawsitively Perfect by percyspandapillowpet

“Is that…” Nico couldn’t even finish is sentence when suddenly the thing mewed. A moment afterwards, it revealed its tiny brown face, turning to face the son of Hades with round, curious eyes that seemed much too large for the rest of its head. Nico would be lying if he said it wasn’t the most adorable little creature he had ever laid eyes upon. But soon enough, the reality hit him. Will had a cat. Cats were not allowed in camp. Will had brought the cat into the Hades cabin, so if they were caught, they would likely both get in trouble. Not that Nico was scared of getting in trouble with the cleaning harpies—it was safe to say he’d been through a lot worse. What he didn’t think he could handle was the shame of being ridiculed as the kid who tried to hide a kitten with Will Solace. Jason would never let it go. Nico glanced from the kitten’s face back up to Will’s, which was somehow equally as endearing with his pleading-blue-puppy eyes. He knew what he was going to ask just from his expression. He sighed. “Will, you can’t keep it.”

bleeding heart will my beloved. sweatshirt thief nico u are so real. honestly a power couple what more could u want. a kitten? there's a kitten, rest assured.

thank you for joining me this friday!! happy reading!!

[konigsprinzessin]

donnerkeil. part five, yandere!könig x reader

hey! sorry about the hiatus. not proofread. love you all.

mentally, he cursed you for not letting him in. he didn't care. why the hell would he? he would be too focused on you anyways. admittingly, he would've scoped out your apartment to find any thing he might wanna bring with him as a little memory of you. if he were to find your bra or panties casted aside on your bedroom floor he would try his hardest to conceal them within his palm.

his eyes got wide and almost frantically told you that your messy flat was no problem. he wish you would jump in and invite him anyways. he watched you fidget on your phone, asking again from his phone number.

which he gave you and then texting you right after. a few more minutes passed with you far too excited asking when he was free and asking könig questions about his policework.

policework? that's right. he kept his answers light responding with "its confidential". earning cute little laughs from your mouth. you wrapped up the conversation a bit worried that you were wasting his time. "i don't know what the word is english but im responsible for the entire unit and go to most calls because i'm...." he paused, trying to word in in english. he shook his head and spoke very fast in his native language "uh, i'm the top? i don't know how to say this." he laughed nervously. unbeknownst to you, both of these things were lies. his english was that of a native speaker's, hell, his english was probably better than yours. and that "police work" of his wasn't exactly as innocent and naive as he put it, the call about teenagers graffitiing buildings nor the call about the cat stuck under the family car were true. simple lies that made him look like a hero. someone to trust. how doesn't someone trust a giant that helps everyone. it tugged at your heart strings when he told you about an elderly woman that fell victim to an online dating scam- that one got you annoyed in particular, feeling enraged on behalf of some older woman that didn't exist nor did he save from wire fraud. he made all of it up to gain your trust. he wanted you to believe he was the local police chief with no hard crimes such as murder or rape to deal with. you admired this. the first outsider you meet is an older, native austrian working with the police helping and saving people.

that was charm. charming to you.

"well, if you give me a few hours i would be able to meet up tonight for drinks, im sure theres a bar nearby." you laughed as you handed his black cased phone back to him. you thought the suave was radiating off you, asking him out so calmly without fidgeting or shaking. you'd be thinking about him all day.

könig didn't want to wait. he wanted to push you back in the door where you'd fall on your ass and struggle to get up to defend yourself. even if you kicked and shoved you would be no match for his taller and bulkier frame. you were short and petite, without a weapon you were a frail mouse with no defense. even if locks were on the doors, he had a bobby pin laying about. he made a mental note of the locks and if needed, how he could make his way in.

not now. and not tonight. he would have to give it a few weeks for the chemistry to brew and bake until you felt comfortable with him. he knew his physique in itself was intimidating- which he loved to use to his own advantage.

"yes, of couse! although i have to be in the office early tomorrow so i can not be out until 3 or 4 in the morning." he had training at that time. if he wasn't asleep by midnight he would be an agitated mess at the gym. he had recently acquired a handful of new recruits that he would need to train this week. all the paperwork had been filled and finished last week so now the physical workouts called. he was curious to see how many would dropout within this week- maybe he would tell you that to fit along with his policeman job like an average civilian not a colonel from what some believed to be a terrorist group.

you hummed in response. "new recruits i have to train, i am curious to see how many will leave in the following weeks." he exhaled. knowing his time was running out and he would need to leave your doorstep. last thing he needed to do was give you the creeps and make you worried. you smiled at his comment, letting out a small chuckle.

"i hope they all stay, you seem to be a good trainer." you closed your eyes, crows feet appearing around your temporarily closed eyes. "you have a lot of muscle. that's something to be proud of, i can barely move my boxes around."

"ah, thank you, (y/n), i know for some it can be hard to stay focused and work out every day. it takes viel bestimmung oder ausdauer" he laughed, apologizing for not knowing the words in english. secretly, he hoped you would know but another part of him hoped not. he was cruel and calculated, he would keep you locked away and speak only in german and watch as you become more and more confused, frustrated and scared with the language barrier. just that thought made his heart pound a little faster. he didn't want to torture you- rather scare you into obedience and submission. as long he didn't physically hurt you then there was no harm in what he intended on doing. he reminded himself that and repeated it again to keep his head on straight. "and i can help you with the boxes, i don't want you to hurt yourself."

your eyes brightened at this idea. a godsend, you thought. you dreaded those boxes stuffed in the corner of your room. it was quite the eye soar and bothered you. the boys that lived above you were nice enough to help you move all of your stuff in, besides the heavier things like the entire refrigerator or microwave which you surely weren't able to install nor the heavier boxes filled with a myriad of trinkets.

"i didn't feel like brining half of the stuff in the boxes and coming back downstairs. it would take me too long." you sighed, scratching the side of your cheek. "i also have to install the microwave and fridge and i still have to call the maintenance guys." you half laughed partly out of embarrassment, still smiling nonetheless.

könig laughed at how flustered you looked with your cheeks turning into a bright pink. it reminded him of rose flowers. "i don't mind doing all of that right now for you, (y/n). only if you have time." with this he realized that you literally just have moved in. how could you not have these things set up by now? he was going to take you before any of the locals realized that you were settled down and lived there.

"well, i certainly do." you opened the door a bit wider for him. you sat the bread basket down on a high table adorned with your housekeys, a dish filled with rocks and photo of who he assumed was your family back home. he watched you slip off your flats, grab the basket and walk into what he guessed was your kitched. he also followed suit with his shoes not trying to be rude or give you any hint that he was off. you met him no longer than two hours ago and he was alone with you in your fucking house. gently, he placed both of his shoes side by side thinking how stupid you were. imagine, if he was malicious or had a gun? you would be robbed and dead by now. yet, you were a caring little thing. too innocent for this world. too innocent for him. all he had to do was rush you and choke you until you were unconscious and figure out a way to get out. he began to seriously contemplate thing noting the door behind him and the slightly open windows letting a draft in with open blinds as he made he way behind you.

there you stood, back to him with your hands on your hips. the refrigerator was laid horizontally on the wooden floor. granted, it was a small apartment but it could fit two people. it was most definitely built for students. the microwave laid door up on the kitchen countertop. könig found solace in how normal this all was, like he was an old friend using his muscle to help you move in or a couple just moving into a new apartment. he enjoyed the ladder more than the former by a longshot.

"im thinking the fridge goes here." you motioned to an empty spot in the kitchenette next to a plus, undoubtedly where the old tenants had it. könig watched you slide around with your white ankle socks on. he was jolting every few minutes with a primal instinct to cover your mouth and threaten to kill you if you didn't comply. he would never hurt you, just empty threats to keep you from running or screaming...or both. könig's mind went blank responding with nods and hums as you talked about where the fucking microwave should go. you should go, go with him to his place on the other side of the city. he only came back into reality when you struggled to pick up the metal microwave, which was too heavy for your little bones to carry. he thought how stupid he must've looked...how creepy he must've looked as you picked the metal up with him solely staring at you.

[where-does-the-heart-lie]

Alright four things:

1. I don't know why, but I had the thought that in certain tranquil moments, Usopp, Chopper and Luffy would just goof around the ship like in canon, the fact that Luffy is a Spinel opened so many possibilities on the amount of tricks and games he could play with those two. I also belive that possibly Robin would join them with water figurines or something.

2. I wonder if the moment Sanji put a foot on earth, he absolutely fell in love for the culinary arts, he then stared to perfect his techniques, in time he made his own recipes and Chopper is the first one to test his dishes

3. Why do I have this mental image of Zoro's walking in the ocean? Like, his sense of direction is so bad that in a moment he was in the street, for some reason he ended up in the deepest parts of the Pacific Ocean.

4. My man looks mortified

Alright, 4 responses:

Thinking ab domestic straw hats in any universe brings me joy :) theres some things that never change… The straw hats dont just live on earth, i must say. They’re space pirates and they mainly dwell in the stars… Im thinking that there are other habitable earth-like planets in this au of mine. Theyre all inhabited by gems, though. I want more to be in space than we see in the Steven Universe universe, ya know? So in the stars, in addition to star gazing maybe they’ll come across space whales/fish :)

I���m sure he’d adore it, too :D i love the idea of him being very trained in earth culinary but also not understanding what tastes good to humans and he sometimes gets it wrong. Like to him a platter of meat deepfried in dirt is high cuisine! To chopper, not so much.

If zoro got lost while just walking on the ocean floor, that would be… incredibly difficult to find him again. Im sure they have a tracker on him at some point.

I would be, too if a gigantic person was giving me half kisses 2 inches away from my very puntable body.

Thanks for the ask!

[5-htagonist]

Laios, 1 4 and 8?

why do you like or dislike this character?

ahaaaaa i have so. so much. so much. but well you asked for it!

of course, to begin, hes very relatable. this isnt the only thing that makes me like a character, but its one of the main things that makes a character touch my heart and soul like laios has. i have had so many experiences that align with his...

like, i made my first Bestest Friend apparently by walking up to her and just talking about spunchbob. like weirdstyle. i dont remember it and i didnt remember it even 3 years after the fact lol but i dont know WHAT made me come up to her. that was not something i did. i guess maybe it was because she was new at school in the middle of the year? i dont know! but i saw her, thought she seemed interesting i guess and started talking at her.

when someone shows me that they will listen at all, i was unabashed with my interests. until one of my friends (who i had mistreated before in self interest) when i was 13 sent me a LONG skype message about how im annoying as shit. i dont remember what else it said, but part of it was talking about homestuck all the time and also being socially oblivious.

my sibling and i have a weird relationship- they do theclassic sibling thing of following what i do. their mental health problems (caused, in part, by our guardians not protecting us properly, and my explosive childhood temper) got so bad, i dont think i withdrew from them consciously because of this, but im sure now its because i was guilty. i didnt withdraw until i got my anger under control. i went to live elsewhere, didnt talk to my family at all for a long time, had a rough period of isolation, but eventually reconnected and even made friends again. my sibling has had their agency violated in a traumatizing manner. but instead of turning into a dragon they channeled their feelings into smoking weed and getting buff LMAO

on to more substantive stuff, i love that kui wrote him to be NORMAL! autism is normal! its normal to be neurodivergent! atypical, rare, uncommon, do not equate to abnormal. he isnt just An Autistic or Obsessive single track minded character, although of course he has plenty moments.

he is extremely intelligent, and i LOVE that other characters recognize this, even if its begrudging. i LOVE that he seems to be a good king post canon. i LOVE that he isnt totally socially incompetent, or portrayed as the Im Not Mean Im Just Blunt type. he cares so much, so deeply, for his friends. i love he and falins relationship. i love he and marcilles relationship, he and kabrus, he and shuros. i love how he approaches that conflict, in general!! he doesnt care about being insulted until his resolve is called into question. he is such a cool character!!!!!!! im so happy to have an adult character who is super autistic but not seen as infantile, or stupid, or behind the curve.

also, i love that he has confidence in what he knows, and is aware of the boundaries of his knowledge. i think this is something that shows the intelligence of a character better than them just Doing Smart Stuff. and i love that he can be smug. i love the smug laios images. theres just so much! im sure i could say so much more, but i love that hes loved. i love the chapters btwn the lions defeat and falins revival. i love that he gets recognized for his knowledge. i love that he has kabru, post canon, not because kabru can make up for his social shortcomings, but because kabrus mind works similarly to his and could give him a better sense of belonging, and confidence in his friendships.

also i love that hes puppy *scritches his head*

4. if you could put this character in other media, what would you put them in?

ive actually been trying to cook up crossover aus in my head lately! ive been thinking about if laios (and others) met the cast of mob psycho 100. i think he and serizawa would be great friends! ghosts are some of his least favorite monsters iirc, but i imagine laios would find the spirits of mp100 interesting regardless! but if he were born in that world he and falin for sure would be psychics. i wonder if he would find humans more or less interesting, then?

8. whats something the fandom does to this character that you despise?

i SO hate how a lot of fans interpret the kui interview where she says she didnt intentionally write laios as autistic, she wrote him as someone normal and who anyone can relate to, as if that means he definitely is NOT autistic. like. the thing that makes it autism is how a certain AMOUNT of traits and struggles are present your DAILY life, across different settings!!!!!

so obviously you dont need to have autism to experience these traits, a1. an abnormal social approach, or a2. to have trouble with body language, or a3. to have trouble with peer relations, or b1. to stim, or b2. to experience rigidity/rituals, or b3. to have circumscribed interests, or b4. to have sensory abnormalities. none of these individually or even having a few of them mean youre autistic.

but if you experience all 3 A conditions, and at least 2 B conditions, that were present from a super young age, that are present in your daily life across differnt settings, and causes issues, you probably have autism.

and obviously you cant diagnose a fictional character with a condition weve categorized in the real world. BUT!!! it also doesnt hurt anyone to recognize a common diagnosis in a character. and its pretty obvious laios experiences all the traits, across settings, daily.

he walks up to shuro out of nowhere just bc he needs a party member and thought he looked like an other (which he identifies with). he doesnt notice seemingly basic parts of his companions outfits where the others have no trouble. he has trouble understanding how his peers feel on the day to day (but tends to be very perceptive with those who are emotionally open, even where others dont notice, like with marcille.)

he has been seen stimming at least twice, he has a rigid belief that monsters have a more desirable existence than humans, obviously he has a special interest, and he definitely has sensory abnormalities (laying basically naked in the snow, the clothing drawings from kui where he doesnt like the textures/neckline of the sweaters, he has sensitive hearing, a discriminating palette, and food texture issues. idr if he has any visual/olfactory abnormalities, but he has a high attention to detail.)

like. at that point, to say hes DEFINITELY NOT autistic, you have to argue he has not experienced these traits since he was younger than like 5, that these traits dont cause issues in his daily life, or that he is intellectually disabled. the ONLY one that could be a legitimate is that he didnt experience these from a young enough age.... but even still, thats only if you only pay attention to the main canon and not any extras.

you dont have to have these symptoms at full capacity as a small child, a lot of it only becomes apparent once social demands are too high. BUT! in the laios and falin page where laios's father introduces him to falin, they note he didnt have much of a reaction, and he doesnt. typically, children have a very strong reaction to a new sibling, as young as a year or 2 old. sometimes its anger, sometimes its joy, sometimes its confusion.

laios was 3, and didnt have an apparent reaction, but DID go tell all the animals. to me, this is an excellent demonstration of a prototypical socio emotional reciprocation issues- the animals cant reciprocate with words, and he seemingly has no desire to talk about it to his parents, who should be around a lot at least due to his age. he shouldnt have any reason to avoid them at this point!

but, to be fair, people dont see words like "autism" and "adhd" and "bpd" and "ocd" and think of collections of impairing traits, they think of specific types of people who are defined by solely by their medicalization. so the only way, to these people, for laios to be definitively autistic, is for there to be some sort of in universe explanation for diagnosis of autism, or it has to be word of god, which wouldnt happen (because narratively, saying laios is autistic doesnt add anything, hes the same character.)

i dont really see this attitude tooooo often on here, but regardless, it displays a fundamental misunderstanding of what people are saying when they call laios autistic. lmfao.

also, i hate when people portray him as like. Uniquely sexless or incapable of romance? its not a romance story. very few characters are shown having explicitly romantic or sexually charged interactions, but they do not get this same treatment. because yknow. autism isnt sexy i guess.

[milolol]

Rambling about a random old fanganronpa i used to have

so i talked abt it up on here before, but never talked more about it. im just thinking about it rn because of a video on youtube that i didnt even watch. i dont plan on returning to the project though, just cuz ion fw danganronpa anymore (maybe i'll revisit the ocs though? idk... anyways)

it was set in a mental hospital, and the characters may have been ex-ultimates, being so due to circumstance, or reason why theyre all up in a hospital. i guess the theme was "hope when youre mentally ill" or something like that... at least, thats what I'd make the theme if I made it now ig.

The characters are really what stuck to me though. I especially like my main 3; a drug addicted hockey player with depression, a dorky looking conspiracy theorist with attachment issues, and... Well, i dont remember what was wrong with the 3rd guy, he was a therapist though and in love with hockey guy... maybe if i made him now, i would project something onto him lol. theres a lot of other characters too that I enjoyed that I could probably be more in touch with in the mental aspects of the project, but I'd probably have to do a lot of research if I came back to others, and maybe changed some things too. its a 4-6 year old project and I made it when I was a kid, so yeah.

But maybe one day I can take the characters and do something, I do find myself coming back and thinking about them every so often, i just dont know what i'd do lol... not yet at least

heres a really old doodle for reading this

(edit: realized ive actually talked abt it before and said sumn similar... lol... uhhmmm if theres other characters from this project im interested in, i'll just write it here since this is a character centric post & dont want to feel redundant: bird keeper, cartoonist, seamster, race car guy, & a collector)

[norvin-bates-nar]

*Tapping* Is it working now? Splendid it is! I've been plugging and tinkering with this damn computer for over an hour! Technology is such a wonder sometimes, Hm?

Oh yes! Now I've been influenced by someone close to me about this “tumblr” platform and I just had to see what it was all about, And after a few moments of poking around it seems a lot of the people here desire to know more about me and my life work, my masterpiece, my pièce de résistance! I just had to take it upon myself to answer these calls!

So here I am. Ready to be bombarded by your unnecessary comments and concerns and your most tasteful questions about my story.

Incase you didn't notice theres a button up above that should say something like ‘Ask me things’ or ‘Questions’… if it grabs attention I could put ‘Tax filing’- Taxes grab peoples attention correct?

———————————————

Welcome to my Stereotypical Narrator blog for my Narry Norvin! Ask him anything, maybe give him a tea to try, give him your bank details! I don't know, sell him your cat!

But before I let this madness Insue we must put down boundaries as they are the foundation to any good tumblr blog to viewer relationship

BLOG RULES ↓

1. I have the right to reject any questions/asks that make me uncomfortable.

2. If you have grievances about who's running this blog, take it to the person running it. Don't make unnecessary drama on an rp blog

3. YES THIS IS AN RP BLOG. Though I will admit I'm not the best at responding consistently to rps I will try my hardest to keep it going- if I end up falling off due to school or mental health I will try to keep y'all informed about it

4. I'm not a robot! Please don't expect me to respond right away to anything you may ask!

5. Please be respectful when sending things, because there is nothing in this platform stopping me from blocking people!

Thats all for now but if things happen I'll add to it

Main blog : @finnleywiththesillys

[kingcunny]

What's your opinion on Viserys and Otto after the Episode 4 confrontation? There's such a difference between what Viserys says and implies to his face and what he says to Rhaenyra.

When Otto makes his report to Viserys, he immediately clocks what Otto is trying to do. (And makes a clear distinction between Aegon as Otto's blood and Rhaenyra as "mine own." OOP.) And then as he's scolding Rhaenyra, he acts entirely oblivious. "What vulture?" Is he putting on act for Rhaenyra? To counter her trying to put blame on someone other than herself? Is it more conflict avoidance?

And THEN he fires Otto, and he's like, "I think you killed my dad. Or at least you were gleeful at the opportunity his death provided you." There's some deep suspicion and resentment going back yearsss in that conversation that had nothing to do with why Rhaenyra wanted him gone.

oh my god viserys accusing otto of killing his dad makes me INSANE. cause no one wouldve told him that? the fact that we never hear daemon or any other character accuse otto of the same thing means this is a theory viserys came up with on his own, and has been just quietly holding onto all these years. and that theory sounds like the paranoid jealous ramblings of a kid on some “youre not my REAL dad” type shit. like Obviously the man who came in to take his fathers place MUST have killed him to steal his position and power. but viserys was like 24 at the time.

about viserys theory, i believe the unknown is the scariest thing of all. humans have a need to try and make sense of the unsensable. i think viserys theory about baelons death comes from that same place. viserys not understanding how his father could go from “a hale and healthy warrior and dragonrider at the peak of his ability” to so feverish and racked with pain that he cant even get out of bed and finally dying, all in the span of 5 days, is terrifying. he doesnt know what an appendix is, a ‘burst belly’ doesnt mean anything to him (just like his own illness, appendicitis would be both undiagnosable and untreatable in their time) . but poison? treachery? thats simple. thats understandable. he can point at someone and its *their fault* his father is dead.

this doesnt take away from anything ive said about viserys and otto before either. even with the belief that otto mightve killed his dad, what other father figure does he have? baelon is dead, aemon is dead, vaegon doesnt want anything to do with him. jaehaerys is so ill at this point hes calling viserys by the wrong name half the time. otto is the only one he has to cling too, to seek that parental affection and approval from. and after seeing how he takes care of jaehaerys during his final years, and prepares himself for being king, viserys starts to put his resentment on the back burner. otto is just a faithful and loyal servant, he has to be. jaehaerys trusted him after all. viserys was just blinded by grief.

when otto comes to viserys to report what rhaenyra is doing the first thing viserys does is almost engage in a strange game of chicken? like he refuses to accept ottos implications of what rhaenyra and daemon were doing, makes him "speak it, plainly" almost either *daring* him to say it or maybe giving him a chance to back down. and i think this is a part of his conflict aversion, if he can pretend its not real then it isnt. but otto doesnt back down, even when viserys tries to offer the out of "youve been lied too", either because he *is* trying to ruin rhaenyras reputation or because he believes viserys should know the truth. (theres that scene right before this were otto looks very upset. either debating whether or not he should tell viserys or trying to mentally prepare himself for what he knows will be a very difficult conversation? considering ottos conversation with his brother in ep 3, im leaning toward the latter, hes just been given a very real reason to discredit rhaenyra. aside- i would KILL for the rest of the hotd script to be released) its the confirmation that his daughter and brother have betrayed his love and confidence, and ottos refusal to let viserys remain delusional, to speak it into being almost, that upsets him so much. because now he *has* to accept that this is the truth, to deal with each of them, and the knowledge that Someone Else Knows. (both otto AND alicent now) and im wondering if the distinction between "your blood" and "mine own" isnt a freudian slip at this moment, both revealing that he does not view alicents and his children as 'his' and a resurfacing of those old paranoias about ottos ambitions with the new knowledge that otto has been spying on his daughter.

speaking of daemon actually, something interesting when viserys confronts him, he doesnt directly accuse him either. ("my daughter. wont you even deny it?") he tries to offer daemon an out too, for him to offer up some other explanation for what happened last night. but daemon is all too happy to take credit for taking his nieces virginity.

so when viserys finally confronts rhaenyra about it, he doesnt ask her what happened. just implies that he knows. where she challenges him that he hasnt asked her the truth of it, and he replies it doesnt matter what the truth is, only perception, HIS perception. it doesnt matter what really happened now, just what *he* believes is/isnt true. and both otto and daemon have forced him to accept that the truth is that rhaenyra slept with daemon. but he still doesnt directly accuse rhaenyra of this, because even though hes been forced to accept it, hes moved on to the 'covering it up' phase. if he can pretend it didnt happen, then it didnt. daemon is gone, rhaenyra will be married, it didnt happen and even if it did it wont happen again.

i think when rhaenyra calls otto a vulture it takes him aback a bit. cause how many times in those early days, when viserys believed otto was responsible for his fathers death, or at the very least jumped at the opportunity his death provided him, must viserys have thought of otto in the same way? i think he is feigning ignorance here, for two reasons. the first as a way to shift the blame, but not rhaenyras- his own. his own guilt of letting a man who he does not trust to become so close to him. to have allowed himself to become so reliant on someone who does not have his familys best interests at heart. the fact that otto is using him for his own gain, and viserys even suspected him of this and yet let it happen anyway. the second as a similar sort of game he was playing with otto, to see if rhaenyra will confirm his suspicions about otto. to make her 'speak it into being' so to speak. unlike otto however, rhaenyra does not hesitate to accuse him.

and thats why when viserys fires otto, he does not bring up rhaenyra, but instead the thing that originally made him suspicious of otto - his fathers death.

[springbloggy]

The Nightmare Capitalist Undertones of FNAF 4

I was watching Hippie Rat's newest fnaf retrospective, a great video btw that I highly recommend. At some point in the video he proposes that every fnaf game except for fnaf 4 is ultimately anti-capitalistic, focusing on the horror that is the lack of care that companies have on both their consumers and employees. However, thinking about it, I have realized not only does FNAF 4 have anti-capitalistic undertones but looking at the game under this lens made me realize that perhaps the answer to the game and what was in the box hinges on this concept rather than spoopy ghost stuff or even dream theory like many assumed.

First off, I have to give a name to the crying child. Mostly out of laziness of typing Crying Child out every time. Since the current most popular name for the kid is David, I will refer to him as that. But feel free to just internally replace that name with whatever you believe his name to be, as I don't really have a set answer myself.

Anyways lets set the stage for this theory, first we have to address a question of how popular Fredbears was in the universe of fnaf 4. I know that may seem odd when theres a lot more interesting things in the story, but trust me this is important for viewing the game under an anti-capitalistic lens. The first large clue is a tv playing something Fredbear's related, a show called Fredbear and Friends. You can deduce this is a show and not a commercial for the restaurant due to a teaser for fnaf 4 with words that can be filled in to say "Property of Fredbear's Family Diner", a clue hinting the location and year of the main story. So, thanks to the TV show, we now know that either the cartoon was popular enough to spawn a restaurant or the restaurant was popular enough to spawn a cartoon. But which came first? I think the answer lies in the bullies masks. In FNAF 3, the phone dude mentions finding a Foxy head.

"We found another set of drawings, always nice, and a Foxy head! Which we think could be authentic! Then again it might just be another crappy cosplay. "

When looking around, you can find said Foxy head and it seems to be made out of thick plastic and maybe even felt like what the official animatronic may have had.

Fnaf 4, being the direct sequel to FNAF 3 and (at the time) being the finale to the franchise makes it highly likely that the Foxy mask that Mike wears is the same Foxy head that Phone Dude found. Which confirms that Fredbear's was popular enough to possibly get official halloween costumes/masks that didn't have to be cut out from paper. If Fredbear's was a restaurant first, then a cartoon, it would be a lot less likely for Mike and the other bullies to have plastic masks.

The final answer to the question of "how popular was Fredbear's" is of course the toys. Several children in the game has either a set of Fredbear toys or a single Fredbear related toy.

These details help showcase what a media empire Fredbear's was. It was a popular cartoon, enough for not only a toylime and Halloween costumes to be made but also for an animatronic restaurant to be deemed as necessary. A way for children to meet their favorite characters in person.

So now I got the boring popularity stuff out of the way, it's time to analyze what makes how Fredbear's is depicted in the game so nightmarish.

First off, let's talk about the neighborhood kids. Each kid either talks about something Fredbear's related, usually pertaining to the toys they own of the characters.

Or mentioning David/his party

with one character doing both

This shows that David has no close friends and that no one in town is really all that concerned about his mental well-being. The implication given is that everyone in town is so obsessed with Fredbears, with maybe the exception of the jeans guy who might be the Bonnir mask bully seen in the final minigame, that the only reason they know about David at all is due to his upcoming birthday party, a chance to visit the location for free.

The second thing to note is the lack of parents, specifically David's parents, in the game. I personally believe Purple Guy was always intended to be David's father in the story for reasons that I will go into further, but even if you view the game under the assumption that David was originally not related to Purple Guy it paints a picture that his family is so busy with work that they can't take care of him or address his fears, leaving Micheal's actions during the day unchecked. It leaves open the question on if the parent(s) of David and Mike weren't forced into a position where they couldn't have the time to take care of their children would have the events of FNAF 4 had happened at all?

This gets to my next point, Psychic Friend Fredbear. Later games show that he might be controlled by William Afton through walkie talkie and merch refers the plush as being possessed. But I actually think the merch isn't true about the whole "possessed plush" thing and that William Afton isn't always controlling the plush. The main reason why I believe this is due to the dialogue of the Springbonnie plush kid, who asks where David's plush is, implying that he doesn't always carry it around. It is important to note that during the day this kid asks David this question, the plush is littered around the environment, at one point even appearing as a head of a flower. I think that the plush is actually at least partially David's imaginary friend, a source of comfort he pictures all around him during times of duress. This also explains why the plush's eyes are empty during the day where David interacts with the other children, there is no physical plush there, and David's imagination is only so strong to visualize it being there. The detail of the plush imaginary friend pushes the anti capitalistic message to the extreme, David has no true friends in town, so he can only imagine what he knows for comfort, which ends up being a plush toy of a corporate mascot.

This makes the last day before the party really interesting, as it is the only day without the words of the plush friend comforting David as a he cries locked up in the backroom surrounded by animatronic parts.

I think this scene, regardless if it shows a dead kid/springlocked adult in Freadbear or not, helps illustrate the true nature of Fredbear's, especially since this minigame takes place directly after the one where David interacts with the other children. While Fredbear's has a bright, cheery exterior that children love, deep within is a cold, metallic corporation that has little care for anything but profit. If this scene truly does showcase the aftermath of someone's death, it adds to the message of lack of care within the Fredbear's corporation, something that carries on once it rebrands to Freddy Fazbear's and continues on throughout decades.

So now the big one...

What I Think Was in The Box Under This Theory

Picture this: You beat the Clock Ending in FNAF World. The scene fades in to reveal The Box. Excited, you watch the two locks get unlocked and the lid of The Box opens. From The Box appears a legal paper dated 1983. On the paper is an assessment, perhaps from police or hospital, addressed to the owner of Fredbear's Family Diner, telling him the critical condition of his son post-bite. After the words appear to settle in, another thing arises from the box, a security badge with blood streaks on it. The badge is from the killer - the killer is the father of the crying child - the father is the owner and creator of the Fredbear's brand.

---

Why I Believe that Purple Guy was always meant to be Crying Child's Father

You may have read this note and been really confused. If you are new to the fandom, the killer being the father of the fnaf 4 protagonist is a well known fact. If you are a long time fan, it is something that is well accepted. But if you are like me, a long time fan that has been around since the beginning, you may remember not only how intense the 1983 vs 1987 debate was, but you may also remember how intense the backlash was to Purple Guy not being just an average guy who may or may not have been posing as a security guard with no motivations other than to kill kids. The reveal that Purple Guy was not only a father, but the owner of the Freddys brand and that his motivation was possibly to bring back his own son tore the fandom apart during Sister Location. This is part of why I believe that he was always meant to be the father of the fnaf 4 protagonist. According to Scott, whatever was in the box was something that the fandom may not accept. And the purple guy having more of a story than being just a motiveless psycho and there being two bites is/was absolutely controversial enough to fit the bill.

There's some other smaller details within fnaf 4 that make me believe this was always the case. The largest is the infamous easter egg of the purple guy suiting up an employee.

In Matpat's Dream Theory, he proposed this is what David saw and caused him to be scared of the restaurant. However, under this theory, I have come to another conclusion. Under this theory, this easter egg answers the question to why would David visit the restaurant he is so scared of before his birthday, and why his birthday is happening there to begin with. It's because his dad works there, but not only does his dad work there, he is also the infamous purple guy. I find that an interesting detail often overlooked is that purple guy isn't wearing his infamous security badge as seen in fnaf 2, but rather a nametag, implying that before he became a security guard he was in another position, cluing in the possibility he was also always meant to be owner of the Freddy's brand in some way or at least had some sort of employee position that wasn't security guard.

Some more stretchy details is the purple toy telephone during the nightmares, a possible reference to Matpat's purple guy is the phone guy theory, adding a clue to the connection between the purple guy and the child seen in the minigames.

Another potential, but heavily stretchy clue is this blue car in front of the fnaf 4 protag's house, which has a similar color to Bonnie as well as a similar design to the the purple guy's car as seen in fnaf 2. All of this is an admitted extreme stretch and should be taken with a grain of salt.

The main reason why I believe why Purple Guy was also always meant to be the owner as well is mainly due to FNAF 4 being meant as the final game, and the purple guy's story was a major one to wrap up. By making him the owner, it answers the question of why Fazbear Entertainment couldn't contact the owner of Fredbear's, he was already there right under their noses. It also provides a bit of hubris in the story, the reason why Fredbear's/Fazbear's management is so poor, the reason why his son died, it is all because of him. But like many managers and ceos, Afton fails to attribute these failures to himself, potentially blaming others in the company or those who took the company from him post-bite, leading to his stream of murders and leading to his ultimate downfall.

The primary reason why I believe all of these details would be revealed with a legal document and not a cutscene of some sort is to follow the trend the franchise had at that point, fnaf 1 ends with a paycheck hinting at the date, fnaf 2 ends with a termination slip, fnaf 3 ends with a newspaper. Thus it would make sense for fnaf 4 to have some sort of legal document or even newspaper tying the events of the bite with the larger story of the company and the murderer.

But you can see why this hypothetical ending would be controversial right? Not only would fans be unsatisfied by the date of the story, they would be disappointed by the murderer's status of former owner and father, the seeming lack of answers of crying child's fate for those who ignored fnaf world, the lingering mysteries of the puppet, and the loose thread of springtrap's whereabouts caused by the fnaf 3 newspaper.

This is why Sister Location and eventually Pizzeria Simulator was deemed necessary, a way to clean up all loose threads that may have been caused by this hypothetical ending. Which leads me to my next point.

The One Retcon

Many fans debate on the One Retcon, a retcon mentioned by Scott Cawthon that no one noticed. Under this theory, I think I have discovered what the one retcon may be. I think the one retcon is Henry becoming a game canon character. In the original story, there was no Henry, William Afton/Purple Guy was the sole and only creator of the Fredbear characters and brand before it got forced out of his hands after the bite of 83. There was no co-creator. Henry was only a book only character in order to give Charlie closer ties to Freddy's. I'm not really sure at what point Scott decided to make Henry a canon factor in the games, but I can guess as to why he did it.

My first guess is that Henry became canon in order to help tie up loose threads neater. His existence in the games helps add motivation for why Charlie's death was different from the other characters and why the Puppet is so special. It also makes the storyline of the failed contact of Fredbear's owner and the convicted killer in Fnaf 1 a lot cleaner. Now, you can say it was Henry who was convicted/contacted, rather than William, explaining Henry's absence as well as William being freely able to tear apart the animatronics after the events of fnaf 1. A storyline that is a lot messier if Henry wasn't introduced in the game canon.

Another possibility is that William being the sole creator of Fredbear's could have potentially made Scott feel uncomfortable, especially during a time frame where fnaf itself has become the multi-media franchise Fredbear's represented. Henry could have been canonized in order to provide a softer alternative to Afton for fans to look at in order to show that not ALL business owners are super evil.

I find it interesting that in the fnaf movie, Afton is heavily implied to be the only owner in that universe, with no Henry equivalent. Is his position in the movie a representation of what could have been in the original pre-henry lore? Is it a way to further decanonize him being the only owner in mainline fnaf? Only time will tell.

In conclusion, fnaf 4 shows a world in which corporate influences create a world where people show little care for each other or have the time to care for one another, ultimately leading to a long line of tragedy, in which the narcissism of those in charge makes them fail to realize that their actions can affect themselves as well.

[tragedyofromance]

@woodswit thank you tagging me and yea this is abt me

1. are you named after anyone?

Yes I am, my mother names me after a famous Russian song writer Nikita bogoslovskiy ( not Russian lol so it was that was the reason why) but I like it as it mean victorious, or leader to victory

2. when was the last time you cried?

6 months ago, it's generally a pattern I do one big cry maybe a whole day or whole afternoon just silently im not really a sobber, unless im forced to talk about it then I guess its more obvious that im crying otherwise a watery esque eye my eyes doesn't get red, You really wouldn't have guess anything, which at times can be sucker since if it was a bit more obvious the ppl around me would ask even if i would have denied it. But that would have still felt nice. But since they usually cant tell and is being completely normal i just feel like i should go along with it, and then the next day its over i do try to cey again but i just cant, i always think i cried it out so theres nothing more and then when 6 months comes in the cycle continues. It's not necessarily healthy, but you know what, whatever,

3. do you have kids?

No, and thank God, right now I'm just not in the mental state or maturity level to look after, provide for another human,

In saying this I do want to have a child, 2 :D, but I want to be mentally capable, and have enough finance saved to create the village that my child would have, (baby sitters, night nurse, travel nanny, doula care, my afterbirth message therapy, postpartum in home care helping with cleaning or making meals) though I may not use these services I want money there so that if need it it'll be there in case of post partum depressiob, I work in childcare some parents and colleagues i work with do not have any help, or only grandparent help and that can also be taxing on the parents not necessarily financially. So it can be emotional struggle and which could lead to a strain in the emotional and physical relationship between the couples,, which I see can at times turn into into resentment when you think your partner is not doing enough, or not feeling supported. Which can lead to feeling too overwhelmed and not being able to enjoy being a parent ( like I don't understand why some ppl say have usually boomer grandparents say have back to back children and in the next 5 years it'll be easy and calm like what about during it, and also why do I want to struggle or look back and not have too fond memories like that never made sense 2 me

so yea before having a child I know I want money saved to cover all these for atleast the 8 months before even thinking of a having a child, I mean in my culture grandparents will look after and stay with with with mother for atleast 6 months to look after both child and mum but still for safety sake.

This was a really long statement lol

4. what sports do you play/have played?

Hockey, netball, tag rugby

5. do you use sarcasm?

Yup. It's the best

6. what's the first thing you notice about people? Whether or not they're performing or being genuine.

7. what’s your eye color? Brown

8. scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings get nightmares

9. any talents? Artistic creations, and cooking I'm very good :D

10. where were you born? Kuwait

11. what are your hobbies? Social media, sculpting with, creating art in many different ways, music i can literally drive for hours, just before reaching home i go the longest way possible, i also enjoy going for a walk when its windy for an hour or more, i want to do wood carving, and forging a knife, and learning to sow and create beautiful clothing

12. do you have any pets? Yep had two and one died

13. how tall are you? 5'3

14. favorite subject in school? History

15. dream job? Teacher for right now, im working on it now, and possibly a professer in the future

Tagging my mutuals i wanna know

@qinaliel @riahchan @trinuviel @tuesmonoxymore @inlovewithastark @tiny-little-bird @timeforwolvies @tubbylita @nutellaninja0001 @thelawyerthatwaspromised @fedonciadale @ben-barnes-is-my-husband @mediiciis @israfel00 @rissa-rey @yol101 @kitnjon

[catiiicore]

bro, my "bsf" is obsessed/in love with my ex 💀💀💀 (we broke up a month ago and she had some participation on it), so let me vent about shit she done/said

how can i explain how she's born a pick me, this girl was defending my friend TOXIC EX, that fucking destroyed my friend mental health. she was saying how much she wishes he was someone better, not in a, he deserves or he must learn way, like "he's doesn't what hes doing 🥺🥺🥺 he must learn", like he's some toddler that pissed his pants, GIRL HE DEFINITELY WASN'T MANIPULATING HER BECAUSE HE DID KNOW WTF, and then she talks how much young he is (he's older than us) and that he still isn't aware of how shit he was

but the worse is coming, she talks shit about a 12/13 yo girl in our school because she sends those kinda pics to guys in my school, including to my friend toxic ex, and everytime I try to explain to my friend that this most have something really fucked going on to consider doing that, she slut shames her, and say that she knows damn well what she's doing, like girl stop please, shes like 3 years younger than, SHE'S BARELY A TEEN WTF, HOW CAN SHE KNOWS DAMN WELL AND A 17 YEAR OLD GUY NOT?

im so fucking tired of her defending guys and attacking girls, like doesn't matter what guy said she will try to defend him

other thing that's super annoying is how much she's super religious and intolerant, like when me and my ex was still together, he kinda "came out" as an atheist to her, and poor soul was so fucking scared of her stop being friends with him he cried, because he didn't believe in god (canon event not gonna lie), she didn't say anything but she wasn't happy at all and their relationship got weird, and when we broke up he went back to religion (still don't know why) BUT THAT GIRL ALMOST MADE A PARTY TO CELEBRATE THAT, she was so fucking happy because he now "believed" in god, and after that she became best fucking friends with him, like wth, she talked like her mom got cured from cancer, it's was super weird

theres other thing, she's homophobic, not a bit, but a lot, she got better by the time, but still she talks how much gay people will go to hell in our friend group (we are all queer and she know damn well) and gets super uncomfortable with jokes around sex or sexuality/gender, BUT ONLY WHEN WE MAKE IT, like if I say something I'm like unholy, but with my ex said that she would laugh her ass of

but now comes the title story :333

so i met this guy because we liked the same streamers/animes/music LIKE WE HAD SO MUCH IN COMMON, so like in 3/4 months we started liking each other, but my "bsf" was his friend too, and here comes the catch, she made us be friends, but she wanted to interfere in our relationship, like, she could make comments and stuff, trying like manipulate our relationship, she even was involved in his confession, like girl, he's trying to confess his and you got in the way, but like she was clearly not happy with us being more close with each other than with her (I get it but not like that) and every time I did something that she said something got wrong, when i did what I thought it got better, but was when the break up came

(for context I'm really insecure in relationships, not only romantic ones but in general, right now I'm kinda feeling like shit because my friends are definitely tired of me, and my ex isn't always good to talk or has energy for me, and that had been causing a lot of problems between us)

I was thinking on breaking up with because you know, like, 'I'm being a shit as girlfriend' and stuff, before I could break up, she came up to me in a random afternoon saying that he wanted to break up, since I got like tired of stuff I just ended like in the same second with things with him, no explanation or anything, we were supposed to still friends and maybe get that kinda friendship back, but didn't work (don't know why too lol)

but after that she became obsessed with my ex, like unhealthy, and she tried to force some sort of responsibility of his part in their friendship, like "don't treat like your friends" (from what I know they always had the most casual friendship ever and he never cared too much about her lmao) and like she did everything to kinda appear they were bestis or something else, like last school project we need to make like letters to people we really liked, and guess who she made to, MY EX, everybody actually realized that from her, even people not even close to us saw that and said how weird it was

like is super weird the fact like he doesn't care so much about her but she tried to make everything about him, and since we broke up she never tried to kinda cheer me up, she just said like "get over him he's like super chill and your crying" or kinda were super insensitive towards my feelings, never considering the fact, he wasn't only my bf, he was my best friend and one of the only people that understood

im getting better, I will change school next year so no more her and I'm just waiting for holidays and other events to try be friends with my ex again (he is actually super chill and great as a person, im just kinda healing from other shits that happened in between this conflict), because she will not be a problem again

I dont know if he's 100% over me, because in school he still looks at me like he's deeply in love and look my reposts every week lol

but that's it, maybe the #ihatemybsf isn't so wrong 💜💜💜

I put here the most important facts, but there's more, a lot more but I kinds got tired of writing

[acceptingmyowncompany]

I must relieve the pressure from my mind brain. It doesnt stop going. is everything anxiety?! if so, that fucking sucks man. what do I do about it?! its not just physical. its mental, and mentally I know no peace. I just keep thinking about the future. Thinking about everything I have to look forward to and all the ways it plays out. sometimes good sometimes bad. I think about the girl and all the ways we can be cute and couple together, but then im reminded that she's delaying talking to me. it takes me back to 2019. it makes me thing maybe im tripping. maybe im too invested. maybe she's decided she doesnt see this becoming anything and its purely platonic. thats okay. it just would suck to be this invested for nothing. I have no one to talk to about it. I used to talk to Henle about this stuff, he's gone now. passive suicide. it makes me sad all over again. the thought that again it got so bad for him that he either tried to kill himself or he was trying to numb it so much that he ended up killing himself. super upsetting. I miss my guy. and I wish I was there for him better. but I can't live with that thought. the only person effected by that line of thinking is me. so what's the point. what can I learn. dont wait. show up for others while you can and when you can. gratitude. be grateful for the moments. have an impact where you can. but man I just hope he knows how hard this life thing is without him man. I really did lean on my guy so much. maybe thats why I feel so bad. he probably needed people to lean on and sure, he didnt choose to lean, we couldve still extended better. I shouldn't say we. EYE couldve. but yes, maybe she doesnt like me. and thats cool. but I dont wanna like her if she doesnt like me. I know thats now how this shit works, but it just doesnt feel productive or good. to do so. its nice to have a crush again. its fun. it was excited, but it sucks to not be reciprocated. to wait. to feel like you're running in place. I wish we could talk more consistently. maybe somewhere other than instagram. I wish we could talk on the phone. I could hear her laugh and she could make me laugh. REAL CHEMISTRY. I think about a time where we have that. real chemistry. good chemistry. cute moments and conversations. but what if that never happens. what if she's not into me at all. then im being delusional for no fucking reason. maybe thats okay. idk humiliation. embarrassment. 2019. all those things. its much more mentally taxing than id like. I need an indication that we still good, or again a reset. a clean slate to restart. Just to stop yearning you know?! And then Texas. I'm making strides but man am I anxious about the whole thing. the idea of being out there. having to talk to all these people. people I dont know. people who are better than me. more adult than me. more successful than me. a turtle. I hide. in my uncomfortable clothes. feeling self conscious about my appearance. feeling self conscious about anything I could possibly talk about. having nothing to offer. feel like its gonna be the longest 4 days of my life. 3 days. whatever it is. sitting there, with enough money but not wanting to spend it. eating the cheapest. this is the only trip. and then thinking about trips next year. thinking about tattoos. all these cool plans and I can't even get a job. Idk what job I want. what job doesnt make my stomach turn while reading it . idk what there is for me out there but it feels like nothing. and I think and think and think and think about all this all fucking day and its only 8 something. and I just want to turn it off, but then I can't sleep and I struggle and struggle and struggle to sleep. theres no peace. NO PEACE. I CANT TURN IT OFF. I CANT FEEL OKAY. I JUST NEED TO FEEL OKAY. I NEED CLOSENESS. I NEED FUN. I NEED TO FEEL SOMETHING AND THERES NOTHING FOR ME. It's an exhausting existence.

[kyoosoup]

reading through my old messages and vents is always a rollercoaster

some of my takeaways so far:

1. i can be proud on some counts cause in many cases i've grown or gotten better. some of my messages/vents were from very specific situations that i had either forgotten about or gotten closure to and it's weird to see?? these things that affected me daily are now just memories.

for instance the first time i got creeped on (not counting cat calls) was at work and we called the cops and stuff cause i was maybe 15?? and that really affected me and i mean i still think about it but i was a lot more paranoid back then and it was fresh yk. And im still wary now but it's not as present in my mind as it was.

another thing is how i would often be upset at myself for being lazy and having a hard time focusing and not being able to do schoolwork and burning out. and i would wonder what was wrong with me (poor little me). and now i know ! adhd! lol. my mom was confused about why i was happy to get my diagnosis when i did but for years i had been thinking that i just wasnt doing enough or trying hard enough when i didnt realize it was literally how my brain was wired. ( this was actually a very common theme in my vents thank you diagnosis)

2. sometimes i see replies from old friends and im like man. we used to be these daily presences in each others lives and really close and now we dont even speak or had falling outs. spooky???

3. i see how I myself used to type/speak too and it's weird . i am practically a different person now. the amount i feel like ive changed in the past few years alone is like . exponential compared to before. meeting new people, losing people, losing family, discovering new interests, discovering and accepting more about myself???? actually socializing lol.

4. also just some of my issues were CRAZY ??/ how did i forget that i was working 10 hour shifts back during covid. 6-4 . and then i had to go home and do school ( i couldnt focus at work). omg that was just awful how did i do that

5. whenever i look back at old stuff i am even more grateful for the friends i have now. i had friends at the time but a lot of them weren't very close as the friends i have now or the relationships weren't as healthy as they shouldve been. i often felt incredibly lonely and i can say for sure i have not felt like that in a while (at least not for long periods of time, ive probably had bad days like everyone). maybe some parts of my life now sorta suck but i haven't hated it as much because i have good people supporting me and a lot of close friends who make life well worth living. i could write about how much i love my friends for hours probably

6. omg i remember when some of my big problems were my crushes on boys . THEY WERE ONLINE CRUSHES TOO. you dont understand im actually so embarrassed for myself for like 80-90% of my past real crushes (i am not counting what i thought were crushes but i realize was just admiration or squishes/friend crushes) some people go for looks. some go for personality. somehow, 14-16 year old me chose neither. theres only one of those past crushes that i still keep in touch with and i will say he is chill and we are friends and i am not as embarrassed over that one since he wasnt a sucky person. but like i definitely liked this one guy who was not good for my mental health hahahahha woops. there were more recent embarrassing experiences for me but theyre too fresh i cant laugh at them yet without cringing

7. you know this isnt as related to the old stuff but im writing all this while once again basically forgetting i was kind of a mess earlier this year too. thank you bad memory but let me rewrite my mental history. i am only thinking about the good things this year .

Anyways i dont know why i even wrote this theres no target audience that this applies to i think i just got really bored

[thefriendlypoet]

6/28/24

Therapist said I need to recall my happiness more than negativity.

Thanks to Inside out 2, like Riley, my imagination isn't being used for good. Not truly. I am angry that I have to work for my happiness. I'm angry that it felt like i found it, and then i ruined it. Can't change the past. But i can keep moving forward.

My unbending unyielding undying belief, that i lost sight of for a couple days, is that everything happening is a temporary feeling. It's a passing wave. It's transient. There's nothing to fear, even in the worst situations. Remembering that, this isn't permanent.

We'll keep working on analyzing ourself. But for now:

Week of 6/24-6/28

I had a serious talk with dad and it went surprisingly well without discomfort or issue. I had a delcious dinner with my madrina, my tia. Watching my cousin 11 yrs old play basketball was awesome. I connected with my padrino, gil. Got to see Erik at the end. Encourage him. Connected well and a lot with brenden. The mystery was solved that my mom took my hat. She got it back from brenden.

Monday was dance. I dont remember what i did form 4-6 but by the time i got ready for dance it was awesome. Danced well with nadia. Practiced with Latia. Did well during freestyle. Classes are were and always are great. Dance makes me happy. I need to practice more. I will.

Wednesday got confusing. I got to talk to Julian about death, conciousnesnsss, thoughts, existence. So we're going to have a sleepover and go to church together. Hopefully i go to church. I will. So Wednesday, I did the laundry. Showered, and spent time with Adrian. We ordered dinner. The chicken was delicious. Really fucking delicious the Grecian sauce. I love there fries. MY favorite in the city. And the fruit punch soda. Then, it was great being with Adrian. Seeing him interact with me. Play with me, seek ways to communicate to me, not just words. We watched AOT together. It was wholesome. and it was dope talking about the show since we know how it ends.

Thursday was disappointing. I wasphysically/mentally tired at the end of the work day. I slept for almost 3 hours in my car after work in the parking lot. I didnt go to the gym, which made me feel, which meant i had, failed. I was hurting, feeling that i cant control my mood, and as a result, i cant control my life, or reach my goals, and then felt eceedingly ordinary when ive been building confidence for weeks so hard that i could be someone. that i could achieve even 1 of my dreams. Failing to go to the gym made me feel like i cant achieve any f my dreams and i'll be down here with no potential.

But with an improved mood, thats not true. i have to understand that my mood will in large determine my thoughts. And they are not true. They are temporary.

I was not tired. I chose, 50/50 real close to a no, to go dance. And im glad i did because it was fun. The morning started with a headache i wasnt used to. I was upset. But by the grace of God, some propenal and gabapentin later, i do feel better. I actually feel kind. I feel oozing a flow stream of kindness, compassion, and desire to share good with others. to hug, and to express love. the day will end well. I promise. My 2010s music is fire by the way.

Development of Consciousness I changed my mind. I developed a model of reality that was soothing calming grounding and assuring. peace inducing. i was free. seeing things as they are. unbounded. free of chains, and see people, rather than reacting people. Undertsanding trhat all concioiusness is my thought judgment and experince. theres lomst glass betweeen us. and it was like being a kid. unhurt by the world. and with it, unambigious shifts have been occurring in the people around me, coinistently. matrix glitches. they'rehappening.

maybe i am changing the fields around me. i hope so. i want to leave this world for something better. though i dont know what better is. i will search for it. i'll know it when i find it. but this isnt so bad. its not so bad.

6/28/2024 9:49am CST Chicago, Illinois

[jamesbukkakebarnes]

.

[prettynalilmagic]

ℙ𝕚𝕔𝕜 𝕒 ℂ𝕒𝕣𝕕- 𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥  𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕟𝕖𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕦𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟.

Hello my fellow beautiful stars, this post will be a general reading, for people who need help with guidence with their shitty career situation, you could have a job or be jobless for this reading. Pick a pile (picture) or a number from 1 to 4, which resonates with you, close your eyes ask yourself What do I need to hear about my career, and you should have an answer. However I do warn if you’re not in a good mood I wouldn’t proceed as it may not help. 

Questions that I will be asking my cards for this reading will be: (1)Is this pile currently, employeed or not, overall what is this piles career situation? (2) Are there any actions being made by this pile or is there anything that needs to be done by this pile? (3) Are there any opportunities coming up for them? (4) What would make this pile feel fullfilled career-wise? (5) Can I get a dark mirror orcale card and an affrimation card for this pile? 

only proceed if you feel drawn into a pile not just because you are obessive with tarot readings and want to have more given to you. Some messages aren’t appliable to everyone. So don’t get mad if you choose a pile with messages that weren’t for you. Have a blessed day or night beautiful.

Pile One

{question 1-  King of Swords, The magian (reversed), and Judgement (reversed), and 6 of swords reversed} 

For pile one i am getting that you are not currently employeed, or at the very least you feel incredible unfulfilled at what you are doing career wise. I am seeing just general a place of not being where you are wanting to be at. The king of swords made me believe that perhaps you want to be in charge of where you are but the surroundings around your cards only come up as delays and setbacks for you pile one.

{question 2- The star, and Page of swords (Reversed) Choices, Shine Bright Like a Candle (reversed)}

With the Star I can see that pile one has some ideas as to what to do and I do see that maybe theres a little of bit of action being made. The page of Swords brings me to believe that you, pile one, are pretty young and you’re on a journey that you’re eager for but its still not neccesarry moving forward. Pile one you are currently in your mind instead of making bold and needed marks to get to where you strive to be at. There’s a part of you that feels as though there is clear and obvious obstacles which are stopping you from any sort of opportunity. The universe/spirt/god will be putting out these possibile choices for you to go to through but you're looking at these choices and seeing nothing other than "well thats more of a dream" or "i totally would do that if I could, but I just cant." At the end of the day any obstacle can be overcome, you just have to figure it out. I don't know your situation well enough but I do know just stopping at any sort of obstacle isn't the brightest idea. I am asumming that one possible obstacle for you may be some sort of depression or mental illness that you may be struggling with. And that while you have these ambitious ideas for work or what you want to do with life, you also struggle to see the bright side of things. I know its easier to be unhappy with were you are at life because that's just what life is, its misery. But you have got to more flexiable with the way you view things, life includes misery for sure, thats part of the deal but pleasure, joy and happiness are also part of it. Life is both good and bad. Right now you may be fixated on the bad aspect and thats all you belive your world has come to be, but that's not true. Its hard to see when you're in a dark point, but make an attempt to adapt with your changes and outlook with the way you think. Lets say hypotehically you're struggling to become an artist, and your upset that you need money for art supplies but you don't have any. Well you will just give up and feel bad for not being able to achieive a simple task as achieving their dream color pencil set or wacom tablet. Whatever art medium it is that you as this hypotical depressed artist yearn for. You would just give up and give into their dark thoughts. I will note that it doesn’t have to be that way. By reflecting on your own thought patterns you can change the outcome of your situation. Going back to that artist theoretical, you could've stopped at your sorrow of not being able to afford a decent set of pencils, you could look at if they have enough for cheaper options and stick with them before you could afford the more fancy priced art supplies. Or if you cant afford anything. You’re reading this on a phone or computer or some sort of technolgy. Well good news there’s free art programs on phones, and computers. Build up your skill before selling what you can weither its on etsy or fiber, or even people you know untill you can afford what you desire. You shouldn't just give up. And while you're attempting any sort of change in thoughts, of course it'll feel cheesy but that small thinking habbits do make a difference. Whatever you strive for, be smart, make something out of where you are and don't feel bad for what you do, becuase you're best is your best, and its fucking incredible that you are here making an attempt and trying when plenty of others have stuff just handed to them or they give up. Don't be like those people, Do you're best and try. You're capable of so much.

{ question 3- Obession,The Devil, seven of cups (reversed), The Sun,  The Tower (reversed), Black Flower Fragence}

As for if there's any actual opportunities coming up for you. I did pick up that an obession of yours will bring you outta this tower moment. I am getting that theres going to be this passion inside of you that will be the breaking point for you to get out of this false percepetion of darkness. With the sun card, it illunimates the brightness of the future being with you. You're gonna be brillient again. Filled with this knowing that you helped yourself and brought yourself out of the dark, and into a much more joyous place. You will learn that you know you can overachieve those dark thoughts. Perhaps this obession of yours will be learning to love and respect yourself.

 {question 4- No need to fear (reversed), Never Jam Today (reversed), Impossible things (reversed), Mortality (reversed)}

When I pulled out the cards for the question what will make pile one fullfilled career wise, All the cards came out reversed and I do view reversals as inward work, so this only is jamming in that idea of you gotta love life and yourself to be able to cherish whatever outcome. Really you could be in your dream life and have all the things you want but if you're still unhappy with yourself, then that will spoil your reality and you don't deaserve that. But I am getting that you will be happy with yourself after some dedication. Im using the cards as more vizualitions of possible options for this pile, and I see animals and deserts. So possibly a chief, an animal caregiver, or even a flight attendent/pilot, maybe you will travel for your career alot or you'll have to move to somewhere to get this job or you could get this job after moving, this job might possibliy be a morning to afternoon job, Maybe even working with counseling, weither its with people or animals, so perhaps a therapist. Also this may be morbid to some but a mortician.

{question 5 for your Oracle and Affrimation card} 

Atonement - Accepting pain is a way to survive the pain. Not all things burn, but some should.

Today I am Happy. Today happiness and love will fill my heart and soul all day.

Pile Two 

{question 1- The Hierphant (reversed), The Chariot, Queen of Coins, Death, Eight of Coins (reversed)}

I am getting that this pile is currently working but working towards a much more stable and fullfilling career, so I don't know if you're in school right now or taking a break for work as I can see that you still are working. I am also getting a part of you feels dead from your work too, or maybe your studies too. Could even be that its a combo kill. Maybe you have some sort of project thats in the works and it's difficult for you to finish it. But overall I don't believe that this pile is unemployed.

{question 2-  Queen of wands, Three of wands, Changed in the Night (reversed), Lead the way (reversed), Parasite, The temple of the body, the tower ccard, Investigate, Find the lesson}

Yes it is very clear that you are making moves and climbing up that tiring latter to achieve this dream of yours. Am I am seeing that this may be something that you are overly passionate about. You really love this journey that your own and Its a firey and love, that sometimes burns your engery but you still follow through becuase its something that you love. However you do have to be careful as you are slowly burning yourself out. Possibly you're trying to be a leader or you are a leader but you don't see the growth that you have made, or the growth that you want. I'm senseing this worry that part of you feels that you can't follow through with this passion. Their might be others that looks up to you and that scares you pile two. But I am also sensing this concerning energry where theres a leech. This could go one or two ways either you are feeling guilty from having to depend on someone else to get you to a higher poistion or theres someone or something that is leeching off of you. This person or thing is using you and making you feel frustatied and dead from what they have taken from and that is slowing your progress in your mind. So you could be very defensive and careful for others that are around you. For those who are the "leech", that’s what is stopping you from being more independent, and why you feel as though your not at the place that you need to be at. Be the person who gets you were you have to be. Don't use others for your own benefit, remember karma will come back. Karma isn't good or bad, it's karma. Yet, never forget how unpleasant it can feel. For the other people who are being leeched, I can see that others can be weighting you down, and thats the reason why you feel as though you aren't at where you need to be. I think maybe some of you feel guilty that you feel that way but understand that if someone is being too heavily dependant on you in an unhealthy toxic manner, you don't have to be their resource for growth. Someone is taking away from you, never accept that. However for some people, they are obvious to this leech. A tower moment is coming, and you will be forced to investigate and think to find the lesson in the outcome. Be careful pile two. There's a lesson thats coming for you to learn. And it may be pretty unpleasant but needed for you.

{question 3-  Ace of coins, six of wands, four of wands (reversed), Strength (reverseved), The hanged man}

At the moment it may seem as thouogh there won't be many opportunities arising but hang on in their for a while and you will see your success. It'll be your inner strength that will get you this sucess. Your growth will seem long and tedious but it's still growth and you'll actually be at where you need to be. Just not anytime soon. 

{question 4- Clock time, Set your own course, Never jam today, Mortality, Growing up, Nature communication, Keep your temper}

I am getting that pile two works well under pressure and that you need to be the one in charge. Not someone who follows, so a manager of some sorts, ceo, or Maybe even working someplace where your work lives on past you, so maybe a film director. A job with networking involved. I see a lot of dramatic and emotional poses which makes me think of maybe an actor. Theres also communication which makes me think that pile two is a good at achieving what they need with words. There's a lot of emotions that are involved with this pile, I sense jealously, anger, and determination. I couldn’t name specific jobs but I got moreso hints at what could be required from pile twos future job.

{question 5 for your Oracle and Affrimation card}

Calling the Storm- "Power comes not from the inside, but from connection and intergration to a greater whole."

Today I live in the present. Today I will start with a smile. I am in control of my attitude.

Pile Three

{question 1- King of Coins, The Hierophant, Four of Swords (reversed), The right way, 6 of swords, The world}

Imma be honest I didn't get a straight up clear answer to weither or not pile three has any sort of employment. With the king of coins being here it dose signify that you are someone who is capable of working hard, no matter how long and slow it may take to get to where you want but the hierophant and Four of swords cards makes me believe that for whatever reason what you want to do is non traditional so you can’t afford to do what you want to do so possibly you’re gonna steer into a more "traditional" pathway, but this situation seems to be downing you. You seem to think that theres a right way for people to work, and then theres wrong ways, and that what you want to do something thats fun and lively but you can't. I don't know why I'm thinking that possibly this pile just wants to dance, be in love and be happy. I don't know, maybe some people here do have jobs but you have some sort of passion you want to turn into a career, but you think you can’t. Or maybe some of you people don't necessary want to work and you just want to be a sugar baby, and look pretty (which is pretty relatable).

{question 2- ace of cups, knight of coins, the sun, temperance, nonsense! (reveresed), Falling reversed (reversed), Gilded regret}

I'm getting that some of you guys believe you aren't making the correct choices to obtain a stable career. Maybe some of you are ignoring what has to be done. For instance partying too much or not going to any needed schools for any possible careers. No networking or no goals even being put out there for yourself. A couple of people that picked pile three need to become more calm and grounded in order to make the moves that they need. They may not want to but they need to. Want and need are not the same, if you want a future for yourself you need some sort of outcome.  Not going to lie I do think of some people here are overall not realistic and rather impulsive and very idealistic instead of being grounded and stable. If these people continure perhaps they'll end up regretting how they choosed to proceed in their career life. Just be more wise with how you're handling you're own career situation. Partying everyday and not making any sort of strives will only leave you to regret your choices the future. However, that message was for only a few not all. The other people that picked pile three I can see with these cards that you are making the moves that has to be done but you are feeling this heavy pressure of regret for leaving behind what made you happy. And this has caused an interal spiral where you feel as though you're giving up on your own career fullfillment. Almost as though you are betraying your own self.

{question 3- Judgement(reversed), Three of cups (reversed) [you got this card twice btw], We're all Mad here, Becoming braver, Curiouser and curiouser (reversed), 4 of wands, 2 of wands, King of penacles}

Okay sooooo, again for the first half of the people who picked pile three, some of ya'll aren't gonna listen and you're not gonna be able to achieve anything successful career wise because you were self indulging in yourself. So some of you won't have any opportunities coming. Because some of you are constantly doing what you know you shouldn't be doing and blaming it out on the real world. Of course nobody is perfect and everyone has a different life but that dose not excuse being lazy and unambitious. For the other half, you guys may actually end up quiting your current job or quiting what you thought you should be following and retrying out that passion that has made you feel dead for giving up on. I am seeing a group situation once you do. I will say that it won't be easy or if this is the "smart" or "right" decision but at the least you'll be passionate again. Just remember to work hard and not get comfortable and always push yourself to grow. And for some of you who don't quit that job or path I do see unfillfillment in your life. That once curious mind for knowledge and life slowly disappears when you get comfortable or content in your stale career.

{question 4- Forget who you are, Choices, Believe, Clock Time, All Must have prizes, Find the Lesson, It's always Teatime}

Okay this pile seems to be difficult, I will say because I am getting three possible situations. For the lazy group, You will be busy having strange encounters ( situations that lead you to weird places from drugs and drinking) and feeling as though others are pressuring you when it's not needed, and that you will never be able to satisfy others, so you give up on others. Becuase you refuse to have any sort of "basic life." However these same people havn't tried to follow any advice, but assume they have tried as they have felt pressured by those people, when in reality they give up too easy. For situation two, I am seeing that you maybe have a grunge asethetic and that has to do with your career somehow. Maybe some of you guys are artists so possibily theres some tattoo artists, manga artists, or even authors. I did get that some of these people were very creative. And this pile has also given up on people but not because they felt pressured, but because they wanted to be happy after trying for so long. Maybe some are also tarot readers or psychics. The other part of pile three are the ones who stuck with their stale and unfulling career, their job has a lot of repition to it, they have forgotten of that person they used to be, and this career possibily feels super long, Weither that be working each day or the school needed for this career. And this person ends up feeling like a shell, to please the people in their life.

{question 5 for your oracle and affrimation card} 

(oh my god this is so sad, im sorry to anyone who picked this one and it resonated not gonna lie i pulled more oracle and affrimation cards for this pile outta pity.) 

Today I will Perservere. Today nothing will worry me. All my problems will pass in time. 

I will be focused. Today I will be productive and feel good about doing the hard work that I need to do. 

Today I am curious. Today I will open my mind an dexplore new possiblities and opportunities. 

Today I feel worthy. Today I will accept all the wonderful things in this life. 

Today I make a difference. Today I will stay focused, work hard and do best at everything I do. 

Sacrifice- "I have accepted my duty, and in my release I found freedom."

The Temple of My Body- " Our body is a temple. It cannot be defiled. We can take a shower, raise our chin, feel proud. It is our body. Ours!" 

Pile Four 

{question 1- Four of cups (reversed), The wheel of fortune, King of Pentacles(reversed), Page of cups, Ace of Swords (reversed)}

So yes I am getting that this pile is employed and is pretty new to a job right now or at the very least they have been attempting to get a job and after a few failures they finally have gotten a hold of a job.

{question 2- ace of swords (reversed), Four of coins, Eight of coins (reversed), who in the world are you?, becoming braver}

Okay so with this pile I am getting that this group may not be used to having money or come from a place where money wasn't avalble to you so you are sort of greedy and very insecure with your relationship with money. As for if pile four is making the correct moves. I am getting that they are in the process to success-fullness which always starts with failure and confusion. Pile three you are figuring things out at the moment and possibly learning some bad habbits along the way. Overall this is a fresh new begining where you are slowly finding out who you can be. And that's one thing that you pile four should be handling. Slowly becoming braver.

{question 3-  Three of wands (reversed), Ten of Coins, Ace of coins, The Devil, Four of wands (reversed), four of pentacles (reversed)}

I am getting that you won't be getting much opportunities since you tend to be more so stuck to your own gains. However I do belive eventually when you get older you will settle into life more comfortably and that will result in an opportunity for you. Theres a little celebration that will come but first you must learn to not be so terrrified of what others can take from you. Life is full of lessons and beginnings, it's not all rainbows and sunshine but don't let that fact stop you from being comfortable around other people and money. Find englightment and the universe will welcome you and help.

{question 4- Its always Teatime, Shine Bright Like a Candle, Nature communicates, All the golden afternoon, A moments regret, and Falling}

I sense that some people in this pile may have a creativity in them which will lead me to belive that a fullfilling career will be one where you can design or create products or art pieces. You may have to do something here with science or engineering as well. Maybe you will work with water as well or near a body of water. Possible that this job will take place from the afternoon to the night.  There's also frequent changes and random moments of growth within this job. Also I also get something that you may be in charge of something that people will regret or do as a challenge. Maybe some people here work in an asmusment park. Or you work with people that have made regrets.

{question 5 for oracle and affrimation card} 

Hiding Your True Self- "Hiding is keeping things inside. Luck of trust becomes lack of hope. So there must be a limit."

Today I am glowing. Today I have huge amounts of energy and focus on any challenge.