#THE TENDERNESS BOOOOOK! THE VULNERABILITY BOOOOOK!

[goatsandgangsters]

A Power Unbound, ch 18 // ch 32

Text: Christ, he was so tired, and Jack was so unbearably solid. If Alan went over and hit him, or flung obscenity in his face, or leaned his forehead against Jack’s sternum—that stupid broad chest clad in expensive wool and silk and cotton—Jack wouldn’t shift. Alan had never needed to lean on anyone. It was intolerable that he now kept turning out the pockets of his soul and finding caught in their seams the desire to let someone else take his weight. The desire to be held, even kissed.

On the way there, it illuminated Alan. The part of Jack that enjoyed being right and was generally convinced of his own rightness tried to tell him that he wasn’t surprised. But he was. Every large and dreadful thing that had ever happened to him in his life he had worked his way through, afterwards, alone. It was a new experience, to want his solitude and then find someone intruding on it and be glad. A small gladness, like a mouthful of good wine, but world-shaking in its novelty. Not since Elsie died had there been someone whose company Jack preferred to his own.