#THE AVS ARE STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS

[comphyjost]

sometimes all i think about is you…

[puckpocketed]

get ready for avs essays, babeyyyyyyy!!! 

so i’m actually completely fine with it if you don’t find nate compelling but since you bring him up, i will start with him. 

the thing about fortnite gamergirl nathan mackinnon is that he is like. very talented and reasonably conventionally attractive and also soooooooo cringefail. he’s the league mvp and a stanley cup champion and he has a gorgeous fiancée and he’s rich and he’s smashing through joe sakic’s franchise records left and right.... and he’s succchhhhhh a loser (affectionate). he’s uncomfortable all the time. he doesn’t know how to act. he’s pretty private but also he’ll just Say Things that are way too personal with the exact same tone he’d use to. i dunno. tell you what brand of sneakers he wears. he’ll also reveal things about the most private man in sports, squidney crocsby, that are way too personal—and sid apparently is fine with this because he continues to be boybestfriends and next door neighbors with the guy.

everyone thinks he is soooooo serious alllll the time (in spite of the fact that he is goofy and silly when he’s out with the boys) but it’s just a combination of a) his face just looks like that b) he’s just intense in general. he’s equally unchill about how much he fucking loves the boys and how much he loves his tiny dog. and c) mostly we see him when he is at his fucking job? and when he’s at work it’s All Business. don’t make him do dumb social media shit or ask him stupid questions about whether or not he thinks preseason is too long, he’s! busy! come back when it’s puppy day. 

he’s so focused on being working harder and being better and improving everything about his game and yet!!! he cannot win a faceoff 💖 he trains with squidney all summer! every year!! you would think he could learn something from the guy. but no, he doesn’t even seem to try to win faceoffs sometimes. he’s also. not ? defensively responsible? i do not exactly expect him to play like kopitar, here. i don’t even think he should waste all his energy backchecking; like, that’s not the thing we need him for. but idk from a guy who is sooooo fucking smart about hockey, a little more situational awareness would be nice. just a thought! like, if he wanted to be better at things, maybe he could get better at the things he’s terrible at? (but whatever, this gives me more of an excuse to push my ondřej pavel -> big boys’ club agenda). like. nate is an elite 1C—except that he doesn’t forecheck and doesn’t defend and one of his wingers (jonathan drouin) is actually the playmaker and the other winger (mikko rantanen) has to take all his faceoffs for him 🥰 

his one and only love language is trying to convince the boys to come play with him (jo, jack eichel, mitch marner, jo again). he doesn’t like late games, because he doesn’t nap. and he doesn’t nap because he can’t sleep during the day. and he can’t sleep during the day because he drinks too much water, so he has to piss too much. babygirl, why would you volunteer this information 💕 he tells people to call him “the dogg” and then they do. he says awkward sentences that rewire my brain. he should be cool, but he isn’t!!!!! he extremely fucking isn’t.

this is my natemac thesis, you can take it or leave it (said with love!!!!! there are other players i am significantly more invested in getting people on board with). i think many other people can speak more eloquently than i can about everything impressive he does on the ice. but he’s one of my special little guys bc of everything else

i have no idea what to do with all this <3 I'm here because he just bonked my ducks into oblivion - im hoping this cures his dogboy depression (it was becoming so wretched that it had started leaking into my curated feeds) - and it made me think of this ask which i've been marinating. hello!!

fortnite legend natemack is the exact age to have grown up in the heyday of COD xbox lobbies, do u ever think about that . i think about that now. do u think natedogg is his gamertag. rpf people are you writing gamergirl natemack AUs yet? has that happened yet? (sorry i don't. i don't have any clue what tropes are popular. im just throwing stuff at the wall <3)

nate is an elite 1C—except that he doesn’t forecheck and doesn’t defend and one of his wingers (jonathan drouin) is actually the playmaker and the other winger (mikko rantanen) has to take all his faceoffs for him 🥰

^craziest description of a 1C i've ever heard AND the most compelling he has ever been.

also thank u for not makin some kind of eating disorder joke amongst all this. it IS that serious (to ME) and people do this so much and i think they're not as funny as they think they are <3 (<- WHO SAID THAT!!!)

MYE two cents looking thru a writer/narrative lens: just, like, skimming whatever the hell comes up about him, he strikes me as someone who is very sincere. i get that everyone calls it "intensity" but i think sincerity has its own power. idk. i think he's very brave for wanting what he wants so transparently and wholly. <3 fortnite legend nathan mackinnon you are in my crosshairs......

[sumikatt]

i donmt care about the stanley cup finals rn bc their fans arent giving me enough homoerotic propaganda to care. avs are champions to me still

[rouzys]

the amount of people calling kurtis macdermid a nobody they’ve never heard of in various instagram comments sections is CRAZY. stanley cup champion kurtis macdermid? guy on the cup team from literally not even two years ago? yall don’t know kurtis macdermid? i don’t even like the avs bro but i know who macdermid is . do these mfs actually pay attention to hockey or do they just like to bitch about the nhl being soft

[penaltyboxmaster]

I would like to take this time to ramble about how amazing the ‘00-‘01 Avs were, especially with Ray Bourque.

Ray Bourque was a legend in Boston, and through his career he wasn’t able to get a cup. He was traded over to the Avs with the goal to get the lord stanley.

The Stanley Cup finals were against New Jersey, after the Avs dominated the Blues in a 4-1 series. Everyone was focused on Bourque, everyone wanted him to get his cup. After a tough loss, and a 3-2 series, everyone in the Avs locker room was defeated.

Before game 6, head coach Hartley was standing in the locker room and asked if anyone had anything to say.

After some silence, Bourque stood up and says:

“It’s in your hands. I know there has been a lot of talk about my future. Well, after this, I’m done. I have one or two games left. You will decide how many more games I have left to play.”

The Avs named their mission “16W” for the amount of wins they had to get the cup, which was also the name of the off-ramp to the Devils arena.

They pushed on to game 7, where Roy blocked all but one shot that came at him.

And with that, Bourque was a champion.

Sakic broke tradition of the captain being the first to raise the cup, and handed it to Borque, who raised it first.

so cute :,)

[thefauxsport]

NHL players know how to hide their mess and if it comes out it doesn't go as viral because hockey players aren't that popular outside of the hockey community. Hockey culture can be very secretive but some things come out. The captain of the Stanley Cup champions had some serious baby mama drama. One of the faces of the league is dating a former escort whose name is on several gossip sites. A severely intoxicated, unconscious woman who may have been trafficked was found in a married, Colorado player's hotel room. There's a video of a player forcibly taking his crying children from his ex-wife and he kept them even after he lost custody. This stuff is not on the radar of the avg sports fan.

Well, now look what you’ve done! You made the mods go down a rabbit hole of Hockey mess. 😂

Some links we found… and we’re still finding more stuff!

[claireelle18]

Long Live - Ross Colton

A/N: I wrote this up after hearing the news about Colton going to the Avs and also blasting Taylor Swift. I felt like it just made sense in this situation.

“And the Tampa Bay Lightning are your 2021 Stanley Cup Champions! Back to back!” The announcement shook through the arena. Air thick with electricity as realization kicked in. The team had done it. A back to back Stanley Cup run. Kings of NHL - a powerhouse of a team. Photographs snapped in every direction, smiles bright, whole body shaking with the adrenaline, as everyone tried to capture the moment. As fans started to exit into the downtown area, the team welcomed their families onto the ice to soak in the moment of what just became reality. 

After coming off of last years run, the team had been determined to make another run for this years cup, holding the reins. Once a dream, Lord Stanley hoisted by team captain Steven Stamkos. “Remember this moment, here and now. Soak it all in babe,” she remarked to her boyfriend. He stood like a deer when caught in the headlights of a car, wide eye. By morning, if not earlier due to social media, the pictures would be on every major local tabloid. 

“We are going down in franchise history as the team who brought back to back cups,” one of the guys chirped. “We will be remembered.” 

Flash forward to the post season of the 2022-2023 season. Passing pictures around of that time as it came time to say goodbye to the town that created the player he was today tugged on his heart strings a bit more. All those years of work for him, his family cheering him on. She stood by his side, on the sidelines - whether that was physically or following along over social media, for every little victory, including a third Stanley Cup Final and then being kicked out in round one of the next year’s playoffs. 

He never dreamt that he’d trade in his minor jerseys years ago to earning his NHL branded one. 

Memories that were embedded into those walls, into the city, photographed and tucked away into an album to look back on years later. Waiting for those who asked the stories behind each photo. Looking at the boxes stacked containing those years in their city, ready to be unpacked in the coming week. Into a new place. In a new city, across the country.

She sat in a corner with the album. Small salty drops dripped onto the protective plastic. “Loves what is it?” he asked, concerned. 

“I’ve had the time of my life, watching as you built your career, cheering you on. It’s just wild to think of the start of it all to now.” Not long after he came to Tampa is when the two met. She was the one to ask him for his number, but he asked for the date. 

“Are you worried about the move?” 

“More worried about the change for us.” News came a few days prior to Draft Day. Tampa couldn’t keep him, and the Colorado Avs offered a trade deal to acquire him. Moving away from the city that brought them together, onto the next adventure. “I know it’s not ideal, but I’m scared that if fate steps in, forcing a goodbye between us,” a hushed voice followed by a small sob explained. That fear of the change to come would tear the couple apart. She’d help him move, then tie up her part in Tampa, before coming out to Colorado, joining him. 

His heart ached for her. “It’s not gonna happen. No goodbyes, a few see ya laters just like always. Just like this is an away game trip hunny. When our children point to the pictures - you’re going to explain the love story we created, and then explain it to our grandchildren.” 

She questioned, “Children?” He nodded his head, scooting to rest on one knee. 

“Ideally, this would have been more planned, but I think we need some magic and we need to create a happy memory in our new home.” The new home that she helped pick out, because even with this upside-down shock, he wanted…needed her there. In their home. A black velvet box appears from his pants pocket. “Marry me.” Not a question, a statement because he was so sure of his future with her, no matter where the two went or the universe threw in their direction.

Nodding, more tears cascading down her face, pulling him in for a kiss. She noticed the uniqueness of the glittering ring that adorned her ring finger. “What’s the story behind it?” 

“I know you prefer an older style for jewelry, so I had a stone that was in my family cut into that pear shape, the outside adorned with sapphires to represent where we met and fell in love. Long live us, our relationship - no matter what is thrown our way.” 

[formulaonenonsense]

super sad to see ej leave colorado, longest tenured that played in an avs uniform, always will be a stanley cup champion. never would’ve expected him going to buffalo, i genuinely think he will do so good there with a newer and younger team hungry for a playoff run next year. also, he’s back with josty!!! excited to see how he does in buffalo, gonna be weird seeing him a different jersey though :(

[comphyjost]

it’s been 2 years since the avs won & 2 years since ej lifted the cup 🥲🥲 happy holidays to all who celebrate ❤️💙

[obsessiveshayme]

The 2023 Ducks are beating the Avs. How are you the reining Stanley Cup champions getting beat by one of the worst teams in the league?!?? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[laurenairay]

I posted 4,576 times in 2022 (as of 8th Dec)

754 posts created (16%)

3,822 posts reblogged (84%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@antoineroussel

@laurenairay

@jostystyles

@senditcolton

@himbos-on-ice

I tagged 4,050 of my posts in 2022

Only 11% of my posts had no tags

#queue - 2,734 posts

#asks answered - 372 posts

#my writing - 290 posts

#😍😍😍 - 242 posts

#fic rec - 136 posts

#nathan mackinnon - 131 posts

#tyson jost - 129 posts

#sidney crosby - 124 posts

#erik johnson - 121 posts

#nico hischier - 110 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

time to come together - E. Johnson

The second of five fics to celebrate The Avs winning the Stanley Cup!

Word Count: 848 words

A/N: this man is the toothless love of my life and I am so happy he didn’t retire last summer. Can’t even contemplate that right now because he deserves to be a stanley cup champion so much!

See the full post

200 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#4

Walk in the Footsteps - N. Hischier

Summary: Pregnancy changes everything and nothing, at the same time. Juliet and Nico Hischier figure that out as they go along.

Words: 5.8k

Warnings: soft sappy sweetness, Dad!Nico, pregnancy, a little angst.

A/N: this one was inspired by the gif of Nico holding a baby that I had a mild meltdown with @antoineroussel​ about, all those weeks ago. Demi, this one is for you and I hope you love it as much as I do.

Title is from From The Ground Up by Dan + Shay.

Also tagging @tippedbykreider @matthewtkachuk @broadstbroskis @stars-canucks @tysojost @sorryjustafangirl @thebookofmags @jostyriggslover96 @starshine-hockey-girl @hock-ee @jostystyles @cozynightscandle @senditcolton​ @texanstarslove​ @fallinallincurls​ @newlibrary​ @chara-hugs​ @ilyasorokinn​

See the full post

216 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

#3

she’s got a sunshine smile - T. Jost

Summary: You met Tyson on the first day of freshman year – but now that senior year has started, is time running out to be anything more than friends?

Word count: 14.1k

Warnings: college au, pining, idiots to lovers, slow burn, some bad language.

A/N: This is my entry for @antoineroussel​’s​ winter fic exchange 2k22 for @ghostyjosty​​! Emmie, it was a joy to write for you - I had so much fun with the college au element, and I hope I included everything you asked for that we discussed. I hope you enjoy this! 💙

Title from Sunshine Smile by Adorable.

See the full post

255 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

#2

afraid to know the answer - B. Boeser

Summary: Being friends with benefits with Brock Boeser has a lot of perks...most of the time. Malia finds out the hard way what that means.

Warnings: fwb, oblivious dumb Brock, pining, implied smut but no actual smut, a slow digression into anxiety.

Word count: 9k words

A/N: Title from True by Ryan Cabrera

As @antoineroussel​ said, “we love a dumbass even if they unintentionally break hearts” – and thank you so much for all your help with this one Demi! Also tagging @danglesnipecelly​ and @matthewtkachuk​ as I know much both of you love Brock too 💛 

This has been a work of absolute love, so I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it!

See the full post

260 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

This is Trouble - T. Seguin

Summary: You and Tyler had the perfect casual relationship – why mess up a good thing?

Word Count: 2.3k words.

Warning: casual smut implied (no smut scenes), discussion of intimate acts, some bad language, pining, fwb to lovers.

A/N: inspired by Sleeping with a Friend by Neon Trees, as well as the many half-naked gifs of Tyler Paul Seguin floating around my dash right now. Especially that delightfully-muscled back.

This one is for you Em 😘 @texanstarslove​​

Also tagging @antoineroussel​ @tippedbykreider​ @broadstbroskis​ @denis-scorianov​ @sorryjustafangirl​ @starshine-hockey-girl​ @hockeyunits​ @myhockeyworld87​ @2manytabsopen​ @mattyseggy1991​ @jostyriggslover96​ @thebookofmags​ @newlibrary​ @fallinallincurls​ @marcoscandellas​

And why mess up a good thing, baby? It’s a risk to even fall in love. So, when you give that look to me, I better look back carefully, ‘Cause this is trouble, yeah this is trouble.

See the full post

331 notes - Posted February 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[tulowitzki]

with a decent night's sleep, i can fully say that it's amazing that the avs even made the playoffs in the first place, with all of the injuries they had this year, with the news of gabe being out the whole season.

but it now feels like a turning point for the team, and i don't know how the composition of the team will be next year, but i'm so happy that core team, that 2016-2017 team got to have that magical season last year, that they got to hold the cup and they'll always be stanley cup champions.

[rosesvioletshardy]

TELL ME ABOUT A FEW OF YOUR FAVORITE HOCKEY TEAMS. IDK ANYTHING ABOUT HOCKEY BUT WANNA GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER. SO I'LL START WITH THIS

okay! (this is weird because no one that i know and are firends with have ever asked me about this so this is amazing)

so to start off, i have 5 teams (which a lot of people hate (mainly dude hockey bros) and they are the colorado avalanche (avs), new york islanders (isles), carolina hurricanes (canes), philadelphia flyers (flyers), and calgary flames (flames)

i'll just tell you a little about each team since i don't want to make this like a whole ass fic

(putting a cut because i accidently wrote a lot)

the avs are the recent 2022 stanley cup champions for the first time since 2001 after a long season and finally making it passed the second round after 3 years of losing in the second round. they have an amazing group of guys and are all brothers to each other, it's lead by gabe landeskog who was named the youngest captain in nhl history but is currently on ltir. we have amazing players and were lucky enough to get cale makar in the 2017 draft with the 4th pick and acquire artturi lehkonen during the trade deadline in march and he was a big help with the playoffs as well as cale

the isles were pretty much the first team i started to like when i first watched the nhl draft in 2015 and thought their now star player, Mathew (Mat) Barzal was cute. the team is pretty much filled with a bunch of veteran players and everyone on isles tumblr loves the 4th line which people in general call "the identity line" but we all call it "the dilf line" because dilfs pretty much

the flyers, they're a lot. last season they fired their head coach and we had a replacement but with him they kept going on losing streaks, not doing so good, etc. so this off season, they hired a coach who not everyone is a fan of, i think he's eh because he's actually making them be good but at the same time he hates it when younger players in the league try to do something cool. the only player that a lot of people hate is tony deangelo because he's a racist so whenever he scores we call it a ghost and don't acknowledge him at all. the only thing that sucks with this team sometimes is the injuries since we've lost a lot of core guys due to them

the flames are the only canadian team i like and they're doing decent this season but also not good which sucks because our goaltender last season had nine shutouts and you think acquiring jonathan huberdeau and mackenzie weeger from florida while losing matthew tkachuk and johnny gadreau to columbus would make up for it but it's been a battle, especially losing johnny and matthew, but we have nazem kadri who was on the avs and won the stanley cup with them so that's also a plus

and lastly the canes. i was happy we got rid of the racist but upset when he went to the flyers but we ended up getting brent burns from the san jose sharks so that makes up for it. a lot of friendships on this team like all my other teams, andrei svechnikov and pytor kochetkov, who have a little brother / older brother relationship especially because andrei helps pytor a lot with translating since he knows little english. there's also sebastian aho and teuvo teravainen (who's currently on ir which sucks), and so many more they have a great twitter admin that's truly amazing. at the end of home games if they win, they have something called a "storm surge" where they gather at center ice around the logo forming a circle, clapping their hands slowly then quickly before they do something like skate and hit the boards etc. here's a video from 3 years ago of all the storm surges if you want to see

[alchemistc]

goon | the hockey glossary for beginners

this was meant to just be something i could slide into my end notes but as usual i got a little overenthusiastic. you do not NEED to know any of this in order to read the hockey au, but if you're like me and enjoy Knowing Things, I'll keep this updated as chapters are added. i tried my best to keep this in laymans terms.

chapter seven

bar down: when the puck hits the crossbar and into the net Phil Kessel: Kessel is a three-time Stanley Cup champion who is sort of infamous for giving zero fucks about his diet — while the rest of the league has focused more and more on healthy nutrition there was a running joke for a while that Kessel just housed a dozen hot dogs in between periods to keep up his peak physical performance.

This was mostly hyped up by a Toronto reporter with a grudge, Kessel worked out a ton and could probably have done ten reps with any player on his team, but he leaned into the joke as well after one of his Cup wins. Ryker: Mark Rycroft currently works as an announcer for the Avs broadcast network, and played in the NHL previous to that, including a stint for the Avs (they like to bring back old players, half the staff between Altitude network and the front office seems to be previous players, at this point). He owns a liquor store in the metro area. In this ‘verse Buck totally hit him up for craft beer recommendations and Ryker came back at him with a six-pack of cherry cheesecake sours, then talked about it on air for like ten minutes during pre-game warmups.

Here's one of my favorite Ryker moments on the broadcast:

Luke Prokop: the only out player in pro-mens hockey in North America. He currently plays for the Nashville Predator’s AHL team. Lexi: Lexi LaFleur Brown, my favorite WAG of all time. She is married to former NHL player and current analyst for the Seattle Kraken JT Brown. Lexi’s bi and her husband is a vocal ally of the community. More than that, she’s got a doctorate in philosophy, and is hilarious and insightful (and she’s writing a hockey romance novel that I will definitely be reading considering she’s got the inside track to how insane and weird those men are).

chapter six

coast to coast: when a play carries the pick from deep in his own defensive zone all the way to the opposing teams goal Bears: The Hershey Bears are an AHL team, currently an affiliate of the Washington Capitals. Once a year, they throw a charity game (typically held around Christmas time) with a teddy bear toss (Sort of an homage to fans tossing their hats on the ice for a hat trick). Fans are encouraged to bring teddy bears or other stuffed toys to the game, and throw them on to the ice when the home team scores their first goal. The toys are then gathered to be donated. The Bears own the world record for most toys gathered in a single event. The Michigan: goal scored by a player either standing or skating behind the net, lifting the puck onto their stick, moving the stick (with the puck, which is even more difficult than it sounds) around the net to the top or corner of the net, and shooting the puck into the net. players in the nhl rarely pull this move (it’s a bit of a trick play) but when someone pulls it off it ends up in every highlight reel for a week. you can watch it in action here

chapter five

Tortorella: John Tortorella is the current head coach of the Philadelphia Flyers. he is simultaneously beloved and beloathed by fans and players alike for his hot-headedness and his inability to keep his mouth shut when he has An Opinion. he’s well known for benching players as punishment and has quite a few contentious relationships with former players and coaches in the league. as far as i can tell, he’s pretty genuinely well-liked in his current role, but that is sort of a new development for him. Eagles: The Colorado Eagles are The Avs AHL affiliate team Norris: James Norris Memorial Trophy, awarded to the top all-around defensive player in the league every year shutout: the q-word of the hockey world. similar to mentioning a no-hitter before a baseball game has finished, saying the word “shutout” when the opposition has yet to score on your goalie in the game is considered a sure way to invite the opposition to score. you don’t have to be superstitious, but you’ve gotta be a little-stitious Duchene: you may have noticed there was some extra vitriol for matt duchene in this chapter. i can promise you it’s justified. (it’s vagely justified) he played for the avs with the core who eventually went on to win a cup in ‘22, but he was having a Bad Time and performing like shit during an incredibly Bad Season (the Avs only recently shed the record for the least amount of points earned in a season), he was not getting on with the guys in the locker room, and he all but demanded a trade because he wanted to play for a cup contender. his trade was actually vitally integral in getting the avs the pieces that finally tipped them over the edge and made them champs, which is icing on the cake for me. i think this year was the first year since ‘17 that he wasn’t actively booed in Denver every time the puck touched his stick. (it was only about half the time, last season) although he managed to once again make himself the villain by ending the avs season in the second round of the playoffs. picking pockets: to be stripped of the puck without seeing the opponent coming penalty kill: (abbreviated to PK) when a team is assessed a penalty and are down a man, the players left shorthanded on the ice have to prevent the power-play from scoring. typically, a penalty ends when time is up OR the power play unit scores a goal, however when a major penalty is assessed, the penalty timer keeps going until it is up regardless of whether or not the power play scores. (ie: this is a risky as fuck move by tommy because he essentially created a circumstance in which half of the time they had left on the clock would be limited to defense, with very little opportunity to score. thankfully for him, doing something so blatant that the refs HAD to call it worked exactly like he wanted it to, and fired up his team.) Honey Stinger: energy snack. this specific sidebar in tommy’s thoughts is inspired by cale makar chowing down on one of these wafers on the bench and being caught by the broadcast doing it

saucer pass: a pass with lift — rather than sliding along the ice this pass ends up in the air. these passes are harder to gather in and make controlling the puck more difficult

chapter four

too many men: refers to a penalty that results when, during a shift change, there are more players in play than the allowed five (plus the goalie) hatty: hat trick, three points scored by the same player in the span of a game. a natural hat trick is three goals scored by the same player consecutively bucket: helmet Bobby Blender: “[Coach Name] Blender” is a term used (usually by broadcasters) to describe the head coach moving players up and down the lineup with no focus on their typical line assignments. they typically do this just to try to get a spark, some chemistry going — this is a throw everything at the wall and see what sticks scenario. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but it can sometimes be specifically designed to fuck with the opponents, who have played certain configurations and watched game film (and therefore designed their strategy) around the “normal” line setup crease: sometimes referred to as the paint, or blue paint. blue semi-circle directly in front of the net where the goaltender defends. this is the goalies domain, and they get very protective of it when someone is encroaching on their space. consider it a tendy-bubble sweater: in ice hockey, the jersey players wear is called a sweater. the two words are interchangeable but if you ask a hockey purist about their jersey they WILL speak to you as though you’ve lived under a rock your whole life Travis Dermott: In 2023 The NHL had dispatched a memo to teams before the season reiterating its ban on altering on-ice gear for warmups and practices to reflect theme nights. This was touted as removing distraction from the game but was very clearly a direct response to a loud group of anti-LGBTQI+ fans/sponsors. Quite a few players and coaches made noise about this, and the company who produces rainbow Pride tape hinted that one team had bought an entire case of it in a likely move to protest this decision, but all it took was one player — Travis Dermott — defying the ban by playing with Pride tape for the league to walk back the ban. He’s a fucking legend.

chapter three

Edmonton bubble: covid protocol sent the teams to two hub cities to play out the rest of their seasons after play was paused in mid-march of 2020. teams lived in and played in either Edmonton (western conference) or Toronto (eastern conference)

chapter two

flippers/jibs/partials: dentures. hockey players loose teeth. often. they take pucks to the face, sticks to the face, have nasty falls to unforgiving ice, take a shoulder to the face accidentally (or on purpose even though headshots are super not legal within the parameters of hitting in hockey), etc all the damn time, and sometimes that results in them losing teeth. some of them prefer to rock the look, others like to wear dentures, some get implants (and sometimes those implants ALSO get knocked out, like Tavares literally a few days after getting them).

chiclets: teeth. most often referred to this way when players have lost said chiclets and are trying to find their white teeth on choppy ice with a white backdrop

crosscheck: act of obstructing an opponent illegally using the stick held horizontally in both hands

the infamous Seguin tweet:

chirp: trash talk

barnburner: high scoring game

call-ups: players who play for the affiliate team can be brought up to fill spots on the team. for poor-performing teams, at the end of the season there is an opportunity for some players to play up and try to prove themselves at the NHL level. this sometimes leads to good teams getting the surprise of their life when AHL players play the best game of their lives. other times, a lineup of AHL players get their asses handed to them. and sometimes the AHL players lean into their roots (there is a LOT more fighting in the AHL, they tend to be more physical in general) and just beat up the other team for the entire game

sidney crosby’s jock strap: i’m just gonna leave you with this article’s headline and you can decide how much you need to know: Sidney Crosby Admits He's Been Wearing Same Jock Strap Since High School

chapter one

four-point game: within the division (pacific, central, atlantic, metropolitan) teams play each other four or five times - a total of 26 interdivision games -- so the "points" system that the league uses to rank teams throughout the regular season (0 for a loss, 1 for an OT loss, 2 for a win) are called four-point games - ei the ranking in the division determines your spot in the playoffs, so a victory against a divisional team means that while you pull ahead 2 more points they "lose" 2 points within the division.

wildcard: when a team cannot clinch 1st, 2nd, or 3rd in the division, they still have the opportunity to earn a playoff spot if they earn enough points to be top 8 in the conference. everything is a points battle to win within your conference and your division.

rounds: first/second/third round refers to playoffs - the first two rounds are in the division, and the third round decides the conference champion who will play for the stanley cup (no not that one)

pipes: the net, or goal, has two vertical frames in the front that are called the pipes (if a puck deflects off of these you may hear this referred to as hitting the iron). fun fact: there are some goalies who thank their pipes and crossbar (the top part of the frame) every time the puck deflects off of the net instead of going in

stripes/zebras: these are not necessarily derogatory terms for referees, but you will rarely hear these terms used in a fond context, because even when a call goes in a teams favor, fans in general love to shit on the refs. this is a time honored tradition that will never change.

linesman: a specific position of officiating that mostly involves watching the center and blue lines

blue line: this is the border of a zone. the middle of the ice has two blue lines on either side of the center red, which is the neutral zone. when you are in possession of the puck behind your blue line, you are playing defense. when you are in possession of the puck behind the opponents blue line, you are on offense.

icing: offensive teams are required to pass the red center line if they want to shovel the puck to the opposing goal line and chase it. if they do NOT pass the center line before doing so (or can not chase the puck down faster than the defending team) the play is called dead and the puck is returned to the defending zone of the attacking team

affiliate team: all nhl teams have a 'farm system' where they develop players up to the nhl level - within each team organization there are affiliates where nhlers can be brought up to play at the nhl level, sent down to condition, or play games while rehabbing after an injury. some players play up and down a system for years before catching a break, or move from affiliate to affiliate without ever really reaching the nhl level

enforcer: this is an unofficial role in ice hockey - their job is to deter dirty or violent play by the opposition, but sometimes this results in dropping gloves and punching a dude in the face a few times for apparent slights. it can also just mean throwing their body around, slamming opposition into the boards and the glass, catching someone not paying attention and knocking them on their ass. there are LEGAL hits and hits that will incur a penalty, and the outcome of a game can sometimes depend on which one of those an enforcer finds themselves choosing to act out

boards: the low walls that mark the boundaries of the rink. above this is the glass that keeps pucks being shot 90+ mph from careening into a fans face. there is also netting above the glass

lines: in game conditions, a team consists of four 'offensive' lines, 3 defensive pairs, and a goalie. the lines consist of a 3 forwards: a center and a right and left winger. typically these lines are fairly set throughout the season with the same three players, but based on overall performance and sometimes injury, forwards can be moved up and down a line - they are typically ranked 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th based on how high a performer they are. your first line is going to be the most trusted to make plays and score goals, your fourth will include more role-players who are scrappy or particularly good at hemming in the opposition in their defensive zone

shift: players rarely spend more than a minute out on the ice at once, and lines shift on and off the bench throughout the game - TOI or time-on-ice is often a measure of either: how trusted and/or conditioned a player is, or how tired a player is likely to be after being stuck in their defensive zone for an extended period of time. a long shift is often used to the advantage of an attacking team - if you can tire out the opposition it's a lot easier to pass back and forth until you find a lane to shoot the puck at the net

snow shower: colloquial term for chumming the ice while slowing/stopping, often for the express purpose of pissing someone off by aiming the spray of ice at them

hockey hug: typically this is referenced when a member of one team is physically restraining one from another team to prevent them from joining a scrum

face-off: when a play is whistled dead, based on the result of the dead call the refs will have a forward from each team wait for a puck to drop from a designated circle. possession is an advantage in hockey, so the goal of this is to shovel the puck to your team once it drops

unsportsmanlike: 'unsportsmanlike conduct' is a penalty called fo disrespectful behavior that is rude, unpleasant, or unprofessional. This usually begins as a two minute penalty and then escalates to a five minute major or game misconduct because hockey players are hotheads and refs have fragile egos. This is not to say that EVERY little infraction will result in this call - on hot mikes and sometimes even on broadcasts (and DEFINITELY at a live game) players and refs can often be heard swearing at each other like crazy.

the box: the penalty box is where the refs send bad boys for timeout. this results in the team who has received a penalty being short a man, and the other team receiving a power play where they have an extra man and therefore a much better chance at scoring

shorthanded goal: rare and fun goals that occur when the team who is down a man scores during the time they are killing off a penalty game

stars: not to be confused with the dallas stars (boo); at the end of every game three stars are chosen. this is an arbitrary selection based on any number of factors, but typically goes to the top performers in a game. although these are chosen by someone associated with the home team, sometimes if the opposition had a particularly good performer one of the stars will go to an opposing player

the Gordie Howe: in this fic I'm referencing a Gordie Howe hat trick, which is a goal, an assist, and a fight -- the truest form of hockey player. The name is a reference to a hall-of-famer who is renowned for his all-around game.

breakaway: when the player in control of the puck has no opponent between himself and the net except the goalie

[crow-talks-hockey]

happy one year anniversary to the avs becoming the 2022 stanley cup champions :3

i'm not crying you are

[comphyjost]

Super random, I know, but do you have the EJ Live (probably at some bar, lmao) where they tried to give the phone to Cale, and he was like, "I don't want it"? I've looked for it everywhere and haven't found it

i finally found it! it was from the mikko live. i hope this is the one you were looking for. here you go!!