#THAT WAS HIS GREATEST DESIRE ALL ALONG!!! SEEING HIS SISTER AGAIN!!!! NOT BEING A MONSTER

[busket]

the winged lion spent an entire chapter convincing and manipulating laios that becoming a monster was his greatest desire, but in ch 91 it just says "your greatest desire shall never be granted" and laios instantly thinks about falin

[phoenixradiant]

For the recently created universe Ask game

🌌 Galaxy - Rant to me.

Alright! Two topics come to mind to rant on, but I think I'm gonna stick to talking about Cellic, and how desperate and broken I made him. I'm not going to talk about how I fixed him again either, because that would be way too long. It's essay-length as it is.

Cellic is introduced as a compassionate person. A hard man, yes, but a compassionate one. His entire life up until the story starts has been filled with self-sacrifice. First his family, then his friends, and now his kingdom and Alador as a whole have come to rely on his strength and goodwill. He was slaving away to provide for his brothers even as a cripple, because he couldn't bring himself to rely on nearby families who had also fallen on tough times. He helped Maiph get through the sudden loss of her parents, and helped Randar's father get back on his feet after his son's murder shocked him out of drunkenness. He's stubborn as anything, and sometimes a real pain to get along with, but in the words of his king, Falder Faldarin, he's "a good man, inasmuch as those two words can be reconciled." He doesn't think of himself as having problems, but everything good and bad about him can be summed up in his two greatest desires: To be strong enough to protect those he loves and bring justice to a broken world. His selflessness is not the issue, but the manner in which he goes about it. He blindly assumes that if he were just stronger, he could make everything all right. You'll see why this matters in a moment, but Cellic is ernest and devoted to a fault.

And because I needed a plot, I took everything away from him. Everything. He lost both his parents, a sister, and an older brother figure as backstory, yes, but then he joins the Deathguard. And he makes friends, friends who think like him, friends with honor like his and fervor like his, and he watches them die, and the ones who don't die, he watches scream and writhe and burn with a searing pain that never ends as their blood is drained and used for profane rituals, and he feels the same, and even once they escape, he watches them die on the inside. They are all dangerously close to believing the words whispered by their captors: "mankind are monsters, nothing is sacrosanct, nothing is whole." And while acting as the anchor for people back home, he also has to be his compatriots' hold on reality. He reminds them about the ideals they fought for, and he is, outwardly, everything they want to be. Stalwart, and violently whole, even through horror and pain. And then Illenfold. One of his friends is betrayed by her own flesh and blood, who raises an army to selfishly claim what is rightfully hers. And still, Cellic stands, a bastion of justice, and peace, even as he wages war and spills blood.

At this point, I think every character in Cellic's "supporting cast profiles" but one, King Faldarin, has their hope in Cellic. Farric and Lettic hope in his justice to make the world a better place and to keep them safe, and they hope in his job to make enough money to keep them afloat. Maiph hopes in his tenacity and strength, that she won't lose him forever like she's lost everyone else who loved her. Anesaru and Relpier hope in his hope, they need him to prove that men can be more than monsters, that there is real good in the world. Sizen hopes that he can keep Anesaru and Relpier sane (Sizen's Saru's bodyguard, so his entire purpose in life is just to keep her safe). Cellic has a lot riding on his shoulders, and to him, that's normal. To him, that's right, that's who he is. His parents, and his role model Randar, all told him that since he's more capable than others that he has a greater responsibility than others, which was correct and they themselves practiced, but he interpreted it to mean he had to bear the weight of the world. Being selfless is all well and good, but it won't be long until that weight comes crashing down around him. Because he does the unthinkable: he loses himself.

Cellic kills someone. Two people actually. He had plausible deniability, there was a case to be made that they were a threat to peace in Alador (according to the information he had been given), but he enjoyed it, and it sickens him. Up until that point, he'd killed, but he'd never really murdered anyone. He can't face himself, he rejects himself, and for two months he drops off the face of the earth. Part of that self-rejection is the destruction of everything he had connecting him to his old life, including a gemstone that allowed him to communicate with Maiph. When it breaks, so does hers, and she, Farric, and Lettic all fly off the rails in various different ways. They all think he's dead, and start unraveling almost immediately. When he doesn't come back from a mission, Anesaru and Relpier lose hope, and the actions they take out of desperation turn them into major antagonists. Sizen and Falder remain mostly sane, but they're worried about the way Alador is spinning out of control, which Queen Anesaru's mental state is not helping.

In the two months while all this is happening, Cellic just snaps. He starts killing people left and right, at first he tries to justify it by killing only criminals and soldiers of whoever his hallucinations decide is the "enemy" that day, but eventually he's murdering anyone he happens across while wandering out in the middle of nowhere. He's usually sane enough to know that the people he sees are often mere hallucinations, but he also does have the ability to see ghosts and the voice of an evil god in his head (picked up as a result of the torture and blood magic), so he's never entirely sure, so sometimes he kills people thinking they're illusory. He's definitely killed some people he knew were people though.

And finally, after plot happens, he's forced to confront the monster he's become, and he can't. He doesn't think that there is nothing sacrosanct, nothing whole, but he now knows that men are monsters, and he decides there's nothing worth living for, that continuing to live will only mean destroying everything he holds dear. The only problem is that his death would destroy the people he holds dear, and so, hopeless but unwilling to vanquish the hope of others, he survives without living, doing everything he can to keep those he loves from clinging to him so that when he's dragged into damnation they won't follow. And he spends Act II and part of Act III this way. I broke the guy, and I feel bad about it, I think because who he was before (though not to the extent as the person he will be after) is exactly the kind of person I would like to be. Who Cellic becomes is unquestionably the better man, but who he was before was so close to being that man, and in watching him fall so far in between the two, it almost feels like, as the author, I'm destroying a bit of my own soul. And painful though it may be, it's also glorious.

...

So that's my rant. It's... very long. You did ask, though, so I hope its length was to your liking!

[ahtsumu]

Hm. Take your favorite boys, what do you think they're insecure about?

i wrote for oikawa, atsumu, ushijima, kuroo, and tendou! sorry for the length i just love them so much lol

OIKAWA TOORU: 

not being good enough. this one’s clear as day and everyone knows it but i think there’s another layer to this. i think it’s two-fold. so first of all, he’s insecure about the limits to his skill compared to the monster generation, which is his own problem. but then he’s also insecure about people surpassing him in skill. so not only is the insecurity about something internal, but it’s also affected by external factors. and then you see how his self-hatred (self-hatred may be strong but that’s what the essence of insecurity is, right?) spills over to the way he treats/views others, turning him into this bitter, calculating guy who would work himself dead just prove that he is good enough.

his volatility. listen, for someone as smart as oikawa, he definitely knows it’s not normal to be utterly consumed by the need to even be just a sliver of a bit better than his opponents. and it makes him act in questionable, erratic ways. underneath that calm, put-together facade is a tsunami of ugly emotions that oikawa is highly aware of. i think he’s afraid this side to him will hurt others and makes him a burden, hence his overdone, saccharine, charmer persona. it keeps people at a distance–– emotionally. i think he’s definitely a sweet guy on the inside and genuinely kind to people he doesn’t view as competition (and he actually really appreciates his fans), but because of how he’s scared of exposing his scary side, he overdoes the flamboyant airheadedness. by doing so, he weeds out the people he doesn’t think would stay with him through thick-and-thin anyway.

i like to think that post-timeskip oikawa has dealt with these demons and found a way to just be satisfied. maybe he just needed to expand his horizons. maybe he found a team that was already really good and he, with his setting style, made them great–– better than seijoh could ever have been. olympic gold-medal worthy. he deserves it.

MIYA ATSUMU: 

firstly, i don’t think atsumu’s insecurities are as crippling as oikawa’s. if we factor in his personality based on his volleyball playing style, he’s not the type to overthink or scheme or calculate like oikawa, so i also headcanon him to be less “in his head” and more “in the moment”. this means his insecurities play a smaller role in shaping his personality and are less visible in the manga/anime.

he’s rough around the edges. his speech is coarse (the accent, the slang, the insults) and he fights with osamu in public and he definitely doesn’t shy away from provoking people he barely knows. i bet atsumu sometimes wonders if other people look down upon him because of that. like they might feel like he’s too wild. but i don’t think he dwells on this because he’s also a very confident guy and proud of where he comes from. it’s just a passing thought that sometimes puts a damper on his mood for a bit, and then he’s back to normal.

he’s unlikeable. atsumu has a strong personality–– goofball, airhead, loud, brutally honest, cocky... and he was abandoned by his middle school teammates and classmates for being “an arrogant jerk”. and judging by his behaviour in high school, his middle school years shaped him into a “so what if they hate me?” kinda guy–– meaning, he doesn’t care what random people think of him. what he does care about, though, is if these traits of his impact the way his friends view him or feel because of him. he didn’t grow up with many friends and he probably knows what loneliness feels like. i think he’d hate to feel it again, so he’s a lot more careful about his negative traits around friends. the people who matter.

vulnerability. atsumu’s been shown denying the fact that he was crying even though he was touched by kita’s kindness. that, and how he’s got this huge (and i think purposely overdone) overconfident/brash persona kind of builds a wall of strength around him. in reality, he’s a softie. atsumu’s definitely afraid of people coming into his life and then just leaving because, again, his personality’s an acquired taste and he’s been abandoned before. in his eyes, his softer side is his weaker side because he’s more susceptible to getting hurt.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:

letting people down. ushijima lives to be reliable. he wants to be, like his dad described, the ace that makes everyone think “if i toss to him, he’ll definitely score”. he shoulders on so much responsibility and it’s because he needs prove that he is the guy people can depend on. and a lot of it has to do with making his dad–– whom he rarely ever sees–– proud, but a lot of it also has to do with the genuine desire to be strong for others. so to be the exact opposite, to show or maybe even suggest that he isn’t as sturdy as he is (which he definitely has done before, probably with all the team’s losses), i think that’s the one thing that gets him most insecure. or i guess you could say this is his greatest fear: to no longer be reliable.

honestly, i think ushijima is one of the least bothered people in haikyuu, which is why i can only confidently headcanon one insecurity. he’s got amazing tunnel vision and he doesn’t let himself get carried away by emotion. that being said, he has emotions. he’s just able to compartmentalise and focus on what’s important: getting better. if he loses, he doesn’t wallow in self-pity–– he does 100 serves. ushijima turns his insecurities/flaws into strength.

i’d suggest maybe his family situation as a possible soft spot, but by the way he openly answered tendou’s questions it’s clear that he’s not exactly torn up over his parents’ divorce. i think he’d be insecure about getting into a relationship, though. it involves a lot of vulnerability and dedication/time, the latter of which he’s not sure he can take from volleyball. i genuinely believe he never dated in high school because he was way too focused on going to nationals for that. so that lack of experience would also make him just a little uncomfortable about dating as an adult, i think. but he’s also not the type to dwell on these things. he’d probably just go for it. he’s a straight-forward, logical, clear-minded guy.

KUROO TETSUROU: 

his baggage. based on the canon information about his parents being divorced and him not seeing his sister, and then the fanon stuff about him growing up listening to them fight endlessly… there’s a lot of trauma that comes with a dysfunctional family that undoubtedly made him into the self-preserving and cunning captain he is today. he has to be able to figure people out and protect himself in order to survive, but that also means he’s a lot more guarded than most. he’s that guy who gets along with everyone but he wouldn’t call most of them his friends. kuroo likes to keep people at arm’s length to protect them and himself from getting hurt. there’s just too much trauma for another person to deal with, unless they really show him that they won’t just leave him high and dry. even after he’s let them in, i don’t think kuroo would talk much about it.

not knowing what romantic love is supposed to be like. and by love, i mean the act of loving–– not the emotion. i find that with kids who’ve grown up in dysfunctional families or are children of divorce, they’re either extremely hesitant to enter relationships or they impulsively dive into them. i think kuroo’s the former. he’s very intelligent and patient, so i can definitely see him being scared to get involved with other people for their sake. after all, he knows that what he’s experienced in reality about love is not correct–– but at the same time, that’s all he knows. he just doesn’t know what a relationship is supposed to look like. is it a lot of independence? or are you supposed to be attached at the hip? how do you get that comfortable around someone? i think this lack of knowledge makes him insecure about getting into relationships.

TENDOU SATORI:

his appearance. we also all know tendou has had the most trauma being bullied and “overcame” the bullying by embracing the demon persona (just on the court!!), but i highly doubt he’d want to be loved for that off the court. the way he treats his friends shows that he’s a very loving, soft, and playful guy. and he’s more resignedly accepted the fact that everyone’s first impression of him will always be the sadistic, scary-looking demon, but i’m sure it affects the way he interacts with people he believes to be conventionally attractive. like maybe he feels just a little undeserving/unsuitable to be around them.

going over the line. tendou is a really sensitive guy with high emotional intelligence–– partially because of how he’s been forced to learn to read people to figure out their intentions, and partially because he never wants to hurt the people he loves. for example, tendou apologised when he kept badgering ushijima about his father and realised it could be a sensitive subject. but i also feel like because he’s such a rowdy, high-energy guy, sometimes his teasing and mischief can go a little far. maybe it’s a text that reads too rudely, followed by a lag on the receiver’s side. and maybe that’s when the overthinking kicks in. like, “that was really mean, satori. that was too far. you should apologise. what if they were really hurt by that? what if they don’t like you anymore?”

being overlooked. tendou pretty much only exists in relation to ushijima and even though he loves ushijima to death i’m sure sometimes he just feels a little down about the fact that he lives in his shadow. he’s always “ushijima’s friend” or “the middle blocker on ushijima’s team” and he’s rarely recognised for his own existence. i think he’s also accepted this, as shown by when he told ushijima to tell all the future reporters that they were friends. tendou had already accepted how ushijima was destined for attention, no matter how in-your-face he himself was. what i love is how furudate kinda inverts this trope by making tendou the famous guest of a show and talking about ushijima instead. it doesn’t change how much he loves ushijima or how much he’ll continue singing his best friend’s praises, but i think some part of him will always wonder if a new person is only taking interest in him because of his connection to ushijima.

[k7l4d4]

Plane Shift: The Boiling Isles, Brief Character Portfolio

Hello all, today I am going to go into some measure of detail for the characters in this crossover between the Owl House and Dungeons and Dragons 5e. Everybody clap your hands!!

Now, to give a little heads up, the way this portfolio is set up is based on the following Format:

Character Name

Defining Quote/Motto

Alignment Inclinations

Favored Classes/Known Classes

Brief Profile

Okay, now that the format is listed, time to get into the nitty gritty!

Luz Noceda

“Limits? What are those!”

Chaotic Good/Neutral Good

Primary Class: Wizard, Subclass: Order of Scribes. Secondary Class: Artificer, Subclass: Battle Smith. Tertiary Classes: Paladin, Rogue, and Bard.

The young daughter of the famed Plane Warden and Cleric, Camila Noceda, Luz has always had her head in the clouds, longing for adventure and friendship. Upon entering the Adventurer’s Academy, she proceeded to rock the very foundation of Plana and adventuring by choosing not one, not two, but FIVE classes to train in! She would’ve tried them all, but was talked out of it when they professors made it clear it would be physically impossible for her to take them all, and that the number she had selected would push her to greatest of limits. Luz lives life without limits or regret, and while her extremely impulsive nature has resulted in a rather poor social life, she is greatly beloved among the street dwellers and lower ranks of local organizations and groups of her home.

Amity Blight

“Perfection is impossible. That’s why we seek it.”

Lawful Good/Neutral Good

Primary Class: Warlock, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: Artificer.

The youngest child of the affluent Blight Family, recently displaced from her home dimension, Amity holds herself to a strict standard of decorum. Her methodical nature, dedication to study, and respect for authority has made her a divisive figure within the Adventurer’s Academy, as while her new instructors find her dedication admirable, they also worry it will disallow her from living a healthy and happy life. Amity regularly runs afoul of Luz, but the human girl’s friendly nature, genuine endearment, and appreciation for magic and learning has served as a bonding bridge between the two. Hints of something deeper within her heart grow clearer all the while.

Willow Park

“Nature is a blessing to us all. We have a duty to care for it, and each other.”

Neutral Good/Chaotic Good

Primary Class: Druid, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: Barbarian.

The only child of the Park family, Willow is a quiet, gentle child all around, but within her lurks a frightening power over nature itself that constantly threatens to break free if not for her ironclad self-control, and kind nature. Once friends with Amity Blight, circumstances forced a rift between them, and she holds that pain as a torch within her heart, always wary of letting it burn her down to nothing but unwilling to let go. Willow’s incredible connection with Plants has made her a rare talent among the Druid classes, and she is constantly called to demonstrate her power before her new peers, much to her delight.

Augustus “Gus” Porter

“So much to learn! So much to experience!”

Neutral Good/Chaotic Good

Primary Class: Wizard, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: Bard.

A young prodigy who skipped several grades in his home dimension, Gus is still an outstanding figure when it comes to both technical skill and application of magic. Excitable, kind if somewhat insensitive on occasion, and with a fierce need to prove himself, Gus often finds himself in difficult situations, both socially and dangerously, but he never allows it to affect his optimism. He’s rapidly built a bond with Luz over their shared passion and energy, not to mention his excitement over befriending “an actual real-life human!”

Boscha Triplet

“I saved the day! Why? Because I’m a Star of Course!”

Lawful Neutral

Primary Class: Monk, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: Artificer.

An athletic star with an incredible ego, Boscha is by all accounts an unpleasant individual, yet since coming to Plana, she’s gradually shown signs of a more vulnerable personality, one she vehemently denies and buries within herself, much to the chagrin of others. While she initially chose Monk as a joke, thinking it of a blow-off course or something similar, the relentless physical training, and the brutally humiliating smackdown dealt on her first day have served to motivate her to continue and succeed in the Class she chose, if only out of pure spite. The philosophical aspects of Monk training seem to go over her head, yet her friends and foes alike have noted her occasionally seem to verge on saying something mean or crude, only to stop herself and stare off in contemplation.

Skara Levine

“Just go with the rhythm. Everything will work out, right?”

Lawful Neutral

Primary Class: Bard, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: Sorcerer.

A young girl who lived at the top, Skara had many halmarks of being a potential problem child, often being easily lead and influenced by those deemed her friends, Skara is typically very sweet and outgoing, but for all her social butterfly moments, they are undercut by her poor interpersonal skills, frequently stumbling onto sensitive topics without any inclination she understood why she shouldn’t bring them up. She is a paradox, being both kind and cruel, nice and mean, in equal measures, the parallel nature of her behavior often befuddles those around her. She’s recently begun stating that she hears things suddenly when no one is around.

Emira Blight

“Don’t worry, I can handle this on my own.”

Chaotic Good/Chaotic Neutral

Primary Class: Rogue, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: Fighter.

The oldest daughter of the Blight family, Emira is a mischievous girl with a fondness for mayhem. Nonetheless, she cares for her family and friends, even if her methods occasionally leave much to be desired. Of the Blight Children, Emira is the most independent, often resentful of any perceived restrictions, but calm enough to find workarounds rather than lash out. She frequently professes that looks forward to the day she can live her own life, and enjoys teasing her sister along with her brother.

Edric Blight

“We got this, we just got to stick together.”

Chaotic Good/Chaotic Neutral

Primary Class: Rogue, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: Bard.

The lone son of the Blight family, Edric is Emira’s twin, and is in many ways both her equal and her mirror. While sharing her sense of mischief and love of tricks, Edric is far more flighty and whimsical, often hyper-fixating on animals and whatever shiny thing catches his eye, often projecting a childish air about him. He is the most insecure of the Blight siblings, though he hides it well, and dreads the idea of being alone, particularly from his twin.

Viney Arkswood

“Animals are our friends. They have just as much capacity for good as we do.”

Chaotic Good

Primary Class: Ranger, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: Druid.

One of three students sentenced to the Detention Track for their mixing of magical disciplines, Viney has a caring heart and a love of people and animals that manifested in a rather strange way, in that she attempted, and technically succeeded, in training her pet griffin to be a nursing assistant. Viney is genuinely unsure if she wishes to return, with the lone benefit in her mind being to see her parents again.

Jerbo Underslack

“I might be nervous, but that doesn’t make me incompetent.”

Chaotic Good/Chaotic Neutral

Primary Class: Cleric, Subclass: Nature Domain. Secondary Class: Druid.

One of the three Detention Track students, Jerbo’s love of plants and his fondness for the idea of loyal aides combined in his creation of plant monsters that trashed the gardens of his school. Jerbo is the most suspicious and leery of his friends, often being slow to trust and even slower to act, he nonetheless is a kind soul, and used his admittance into the Adventurer’s Academy to try and kind some new meaning in his life.

Barcus Howsberry

“Your soul glimmers with the joy of a newfound toy in the arms of a lonely child.”

Chaotic Good

Primary Class: Wizard, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: Artificer.

Last and oddest of the three Detention Track students, Barcus’ unusual body and strange speech make him truly bizarre, and his cryptic demeanor doesn’t help. Barcus enjoys both the art of Potions and Prediction, and frequently seeks to join the two. Upon arrival, and confirmation that yes he is a sapient being, Barcus was checked by Camila, and was determined to have a hereditary curse bound to his being, and when offered to have it removed, his comfort with his form initially made him refuse, only to be told that the speech impediment and oddness of his form would destroy any chance of him being able to integrate into society, causing him to compromise and have the curse suppressed instead.

Camila Noceda

“To bring goodness and love in this world means I can rest easy, knowing I left it in the hands of those I love.”

Lawful Good

Primary Class: Cleric, Subclass: Life Domain. Secondary Class: None.

Mother of Luz Noceda, Camila is the current Plane Warden of Plana, being entrusted with guarding the city from extraplanar threats and to help guide and aid those lost between realms. Camila is a loving soul, but the strain of her job has worn on her over the years, with the sole reprieve being her precious daughter. Camila often adopts a motherly role for the displaced children now in her care, offering both advice when needed, and discipline as necessary. Camila also frequently aids and offers advice to the adults now sharing her living space, hoping to help them adjust to their situation.

Edalyn Clawthorne

“I’m the most powerful witch in the Isles, but it never meant a thing until I found someone to use that power for.”

Chaotic Good

Primary Class: Sorcerer, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: Wizard.

Fiercest Wild Witch to grace the Boiling Isles since Belos’ ascension, Eda marches to the beat of her own drum, no exceptions, but she still holds a beautiful heart for those she cares for, and people in general, no matter how much she denies it. Eda was genuinely shocked to learn that Camila could, and did, heal her curse, effectively if not easily, and feels a deep sense of obligation towards the woman a a result, not to mention her all around soft spot for Camila’s daughter. Eda genuinely has no desire to return to the Isles at this point, beyond maybe a chance to reconcile with her mother and retrieve Hooty and all her stuff.

Lilith Clawthorne

“I am far from perfect, and have made many mistakes. This is the least I can do.”

Lawful Good/Lawful Neutral

Primary Class: Paladin, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: Wizard.

Lilith Clawthorne, elder sister to Eda, means well, but is both painfully naive and far too trusting for one her age, as well as disturbingly childish and immature. For all that though, Lilith holds a good heart and thrives in a structured and ordered environment and system. When she received the knowledge that Eda’s curse had been cured, Lilith was nearly left catatonic, as the curing of Eda rendered all her efforts meaningless and her life without true purpose. When Eda bluntly stated that even with her curse cured she will NEVER join a coven, Lilith forced herself to accept it, no matter how much it hurt. Since that day, Lilith has attempted to find a new direction in life, and to help others as best she can.

Odalia Blight

“Like it or not, one’s word is their bond.”

Lawful Neutral/Lawful Evil

Primary Class: Wizard, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: Bard.

Matriarch of the Blight family, and a near-Karen level individual, Odalia is both incredibly goal-oriented and driven by a desire to succeed. Domineering and controlling, Odalia exerts a highly unhealthy and toxic level of influence over her childrens’ lives, though she does truly love them. Odalia enjoys having the upper hand, and will do anything to allow her children and family to not only survive but thrive, and is very much fond of disproportionate retribution against her enemies.

Alador Blight

“This could prove interesting.”

Lawful Neutral/Lawful Evil

Primary Class: Artificer, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: Rogue.

Patriarch of the Blight family, and all around bizarre individual, Alador cares for little in his life aside from his inventions, his wife, and his children, in that order. Often dazed and easily distracted, Alador is highly curious and constantly seeks new inspiration for his devices and creations, no matter how dangerous the circumstances. He cares little for his wife’s antics and schemes, but in no way does he find them unacceptable, he often acts as a stabilizing influence upon her, and is perfectly fine with calling her out on her behavior when she genuinely goes too far.

Hieronymus Bump

“Dedication and Focus are important, but true passion and joy for what you do makes all the difference.”

Neutral Good/Lawful Good

Primary Class: Wizard, Subclass: Undetermined. Secondary Class: None.

Principal to the famed, some would say infamous, Hexside School of Magic and Demonics, Principal Bump loves to teach and help others learn, and is perfectly willing to play the system to ensure he can do so. While he genuinely loves all his students and wishes them to succeed, he is willing to admit he is old-fashioned to a certain extent and can have trouble keeping his views on a topic unbiased, and can occasionally act in unethical ways if it means finding a solution to a problem, though he does not enjoy such measures. He aids Camila in searching for a way to return home for him and his fellows, and often acts as a reasonable authority figure for the students who came with them.

[night-filled-mountain]

Out of nowhere and apropos of nothing, a rambling incoherent list of things about Nott and Nott-and-Caleb that give me Feelings.

On Veth Brenatto/Nott the Brave:

Nott’s entire life is all about seeing/presenting herself as less than she is.

She was bullied as a child, by her brothers and the neighborhood boys.

Then she was a contented housewife and mother, but always saw herself as second to Yeza--a support figure, depending on him, learning from him, not even necessarily deserving of his love.

“Not pretty and not brave and not coordinated and not smart and just...not.”

“He didn’t mind my strangeness...He was a brilliant chemist. I helped him and he took care of me.”

(When she reunites with Yeza, she undermines her ‘dabblings’ in alchemy in comparison to his apparent brilliance.) (Yeza himself disagrees.)

When she does acknowledge her strengths, she also acknowledges their origins, and they are either very sad (“I’ve been chased a lot in my life by boys making fun of me. I’m pretty fast.”) or serve to highlight someone else’s assistance and forethought (“a vial of acid that Yeza handed me”).

The transformation she was forced to undergo was a curse straight out of a fairy tale. It made her what she thought she was, and forced her to appreciate what she had been, but it was too late. (“But you’re so pretty!” / “I was.”)

But her whole life is about other people turning her into things, isn’t it? The bullies made her a victim, Yeza made her a wife/mother/alchemist’s assistant, and the goblins and their mystery woman made her a monster.

She was someone beautiful who could not see her beauty, someone wildly unique and “strange” who could not embrace her strangeness and flaunt it without apology...

...Until she was turned into a goblin.

Being a goblin has been so weirdly freeing for Nott. She felt that she had hit rock bottom, and in many ways, she just...let go. No more struggling to fit into social norms. No more squeezing into boxes of other people’s making. The Nott we know has always fought and shrieked, drunk to excess, stolen anything she admired, openly shared all her most outrageous suggestions, shown off her weird collections without shame.

I’m not saying all of this is healthy! Some of it is clearly coping mechanisms, and dangerous ones at that. And Sam has stated that he sees some of her excesses as being related to her goblin physiology, which emphasizes once again that this role, like all of Nott/Veth’s previous roles, is one that was forced on her. But. But.

So much of it (I would even say that “all of it” is a valid interpretation) is really just...Veth. Just Veth dialed up to eleven, without the constraints. Is she embodying a stereotypical view of goblins, or is she just letting herself be angry, messy, hedonistic, and weird for the first time in a short, sad life in which other people made her smaller than she was until she learned to do the same thing to herself?

Nott wants her true body back. She wants to be a halfling again. But she is not at all sure she wants to “go back.” To Felderwin. To her old life with the husband and son she loves. Of course she isn’t sure.

Because she’s grown so much bigger than that. Bigger and stronger and louder and messier than anything she used to be. Bigger than all the boxes she used to occupy. Bigger than anything Yeza or Luc can quite understand, because they weren’t there by her side, watching it happen.

On Nott and Caleb:

Nott defines herself by the people around her. She always has.

She met Caleb in that jail cell, saw him as small and weak and needy, and jumped at the chance to occupy a familiar role again: mother.

...Except that it was never that simple. That’s the piece that, for me, was missing from their relationship for so long. The piece that fell into place when Nott’s (former?) crush on Caleb was revealed, and made it all fit together. It was never that simple.

She wanted something from him. Veth never seems to have dared to want things from the people around her--she lived to serve her loved ones, to help and protect them. But Caleb? She wanted his magic. She wanted him to help her. And she didn’t tell him, not for the longest time. Call it ruthless, call it manipulative, or just call it a very understandable cocktail of hope and panic and shame--but it was her goal, her desire, and it meant that no matter how much she cared for Caleb and protected him, their relationship was never All About Him. She was playing her own angle the whole time. And also...

She was attracted to him. This was a fact that she absolutely could not acknowledge, because it was transgressive in so many ways. Extramarital attraction. A hideous, monstrous goblin attracted to a “handsome” human. A lifelong sidekick/helpmate/bit player in her own life daring to want a “great wizard” not only for his magic (that, at least, was permissible, because it could return her to her proper place, to her home and family; it could restore the status quo), but for his body, mind, and soul. She looked at him in that cell, in the moonlight streaming through the bars, and she wanted. And gods know it wasn’t because he ever invited her to.

(Though he didn’t scorn the idea either. I keep thinking about the scene with Keg in Shadycreek Run where she mistook them for a romantic couple and Caleb defiantly rolled with it. I even think about that early episode where Liam inadvertently used a German term of endearment for her that had romantic connotations. And the way they always slept cuddled together, and she rode on his shoulders, and they have always, always celebrated every aspect of each other--body, mind, and soul.)

But the point is that Nott’s relationship with Caleb is not one that he defined. She was always the stronger of the two; she called the shots. It was she who chose to be his “mother,” and the twin secret desires that burned deep down in her heart were entirely her own.)

On Nott and character development (ok, I just wanted to break up the bullet points a little, because goodness, this has gotten long):

...And she fundamentally did not know how to handle that. So she kept those desires buried, kept them secret. She tried to move back into her comfort zone, letting others define her and her relationships, going along with their assumptions without protest.

It is fascinating to me that the other players and characters and the viewers spent much of the campaign assuming Nott was a child. And she just...let it happen.

“I’m of child-bearing age,” she said when Jester asked, but even then, some of us (myself included, I confess!) just mentally aged her up to a rebellious teen.

To a man who she regarded simultaneously as a son, a love interest, and a tool for her own redemption, she was seen as a daughter or a little sister...and she went along with it in so many ways. It’s the lie she embodied from the first moment Sam introduced her, and referred to her as “a little goblin girl.”

Nott has always made herself lesser than she is...or let other people do so. She is so used to being diminished and self-diminishing, so leery of her own messy desires, that she would not even insist on her own adulthood until...until.

Nott’s heroic moments--the moments when she fully unleashes her own courage and strength and anger--are always the moments when her loved ones are in danger. She is the classic self-sacrificing wife/mother figure, whose self-dimmed light only shines out when others need it to.

Like when she fought the goblins and helped Yeza and Luc escape.

Like when Fjord threatened Caleb, and the others were all turning on him, and she needed to assert her own right and ability to protect him. (“But I am the parent, you do realize that, don’t you?”)

Like when she led the lizardfolk away from the others on Urukaxl. Like all the times she dove into the water for Fjord. Like when she didn’t disengage from the dragon.

“Nott the Brave” has so many layers--an ironic, self-mocking epithet, a badge of honor, and a promise to be brave for others. Only for others.

Because then it’s not really her bravery, is it? It’s borrowed from her loved ones. She is a coward who is occasionally made into something else by the brighter, stronger, worthier people she surrounds herself with.

“Self-diminishing” and “being defined by others” are the absolute fundamental cornerstones of Nott’s character. And this is both reinforced and very much complicated by her recent status as a goblin and her relationship with Caleb. (...You know how sometimes you don’t figure out your thesis statement until halfway through the essay?)

On Nott and Caleb, part 2:

The M9′s trip to Felderwin changed everything--everything--for her and for him and for the two of them. It was one of the most staggering turning points of the entire campaign.

I’ve written about this before. How one of the central “Will they or won’t they?”s of the campaign was about Caleb and Nott deciding to trust the group, and that was the point where it was resolved...

...and how, in trusting the group, they sacrificed their codependence to a large degree. How Nott’s infamous “Fuck him!” was less about anger, in the long run, than about taking her best friend off the pedestal she’d put him on, about acknowledging his fallibility, and being comfortable openly disagreeing with him.

It was about Nott becoming her own person, and Caleb learning to see her as her own person, and not just his “little friend” or protector.

But. But. It still followed the pattern.

It was about Yeza and Luc. It was about her family. It was the greatest disaster that had befallen her loved ones since the goblin abduction, and her reaction was correspondingly big.

Of course she could be brave. Of course she could be angry and assertive. Of course she could, for once, discount the feelings of her beloved wizard. Because her husband and son were in danger.

When will Nott get to be brave on her own behalf? To be angry on her own behalf? To want, want, want something, something ever so much bigger than a button, openly, unashamedly, on her own behalf?

And I think I might know the answer to that question: When she openly acknowledges something that she has already hinted at, danced around, in conversations with Caleb here and there.

“I ditched my husband in a den of monsters to go adventuring with you.”

She said this to Caleb while they were riding a moorbounder together in Xhorhas, and something about it has resonated hard with me ever since.

That conversation--and the other couple of conversations Nott has had with Caleb that deal with her own conflicting desires--felt strangely like a failure. Like Caleb was sincerely doing his best to help her, but wasn’t quite getting what she was putting down.

He doesn’t know how to stop her drinking, her constant anxiety. How to soothe her fears about the future. He doesn’t know what she needs.

Is it reassurance of her family’s love? That’s been offered to her repeatedly, by Yeza, by Luc, by Caleb himself, but it’s never had much of an effect on her darker moods.

Is it her own body back? That would help a lot, for sure. Like every other member of the Mighty Nein, she’s on a journey to find herself. She thought, initially, that it was purely a journey to find something she’d lost. Caleb and the rest of the M9 think so too, I think. But there’s more to it than that.

What Nott Really Needs:

“I think you have to find those answers,” Caleb said to Nott as she expressed her ambivalence about returning home and resuming her housewife role. “Can’t you just tell me?” she pleaded.

That’s it right there, that’s the crux of her journey. And it isn’t just a journey back to a body or a family or a life she lost--it’s a journey to something entirely new. Nott craves the familiar, the safe, the known; she keeps trying to make herself small and unimportant again, to convince others to define her. But they can’t. She is too much, too big, too weird and messy and wonderful, for anyone else to squeeze her into a box anymore (she always was; she just didn’t realize it). And Caleb is the one to tell her that.

“I ditched my husband in a den of monsters to go adventuring with you.”

“I love you,” she told him on the beach of Nicodranas, and sure, she meant it platonically (probably) (mostly), but it was more than friendship, more even than romance. She loves what he represents. And--the one thing she can never, ever, ever acknowledge, because it is completely antithetical to her journey as she currently sees it--a part of her loves who she has become while traveling and fighting by his side.

“These days I’ve spent with you are the most exciting of my entire life.” That’s something Fjord said to Caleb once. And I’ve posted before about how eerily similar Fjord and Nott’s journeys are.

They both had rocky childhoods marred by bullying and badly bruised self-confidence, then embarked on simple, well-defined lives/careers in which they felt utterly content...and then they both literally drowned, both lost their friends/family/life roles in the process, and both got transformed into something “dark” and “ugly” that they couldn’t come back from.

And the clincher? The thing Fjord was able to admit to himself and others, but that Nott carried around like a deep, dark secret and is still struggling hard with to this day?

They both fell in love with their new lives and roles in spite of themselves.

Yes, Fjord renounced Uk’otoa in favor of the Wildmother...but he still retains his warlock powers. Yes, Nott wants to, can, and probably will be turned back into a halfling--but she will never again be a person who was not a goblin.

She does not want to be a person who was not a goblin.

She wants Caleb, and all he represents. She wants adventure and excitement. She wants to be strong and brave and important, not only to protect her loved ones, but because those things bring her fulfillment. Because they have shaped her self-image in new ways that she cannot discard.

The duality of her names reflects this perfectly. She always uses “Veth” around Yeza and Luc, and wants them to use it for her, but with the M9, she’s still “Nott the Brave”-- or is it “Nott, the Brave”?

Caleb uses both names for her.

Caleb. Uses. Both. Names. For her.

Nott needs to be herself. It’s what all the members of the Mighty Nein need, really--this is a campaign about identity, as Matt has said--but I think it’s coming harder to Nott than any of the others, and that’s why I’ve had such a hell of a time pinning her down as a character...because she has had a hell of a time doing that, too!

Because she can’t acknowledge what may be the greatest possible shame for a stereotypical girl, wife, mother, or monster...

Wanting to be herself. Wanting things simply because she wants them. Wanting to be someone you can’t pin down, either literally (in a cozy little cottage in Felderwin) or figuratively (in any of the aforementioned roles).

Nott wants to define herself. But she doesn’t quite know she wants it. And she doesn’t know how to do it. But part of her definitely sees that getting her body back, while essential, is not enough.

And so she panics and drinks and goes into existential tailspins because no one else will give her the answers. Caleb has come closest, in telling her to seek them for herself...but Caleb has his own baggage, and can’t quite let go of his great ideal of Family, of Going Home Again. Of turning back the clock and erasing the dark corners of one’s past.

So he sees Nott’s happy ending as husband and son, hearth and home. And it isn’t enough. It’s as tidy and false and messy and comfortless as his time-travel fantasies. And that’s where their stories ultimately intertwine...their desires at cross-purposes, their solutions at odds. Nott longing for something that Caleb is giving her (adventure, excitement, a purpose, the privilege to bear both her names and faces and diminish neither, to be fully herself for the first time in her life). Caleb wants something that was taken from both of them. Neither of them yet fully understands that you can’t go back, that the only direction is forward. Into greater messiness, greater complexity, greater understanding of themselves and the things they can accomplish, alone and together.

But they’re getting there. They’re both getting there. And I absolutely cannot wait to see where their stories lead.

[silyabeeodess]

FusionFall Headcanons: Individual Fusions

 Since the fusions’ personalities tend to mimic that of their OG counterparts and following the idea that they’re also greatly under Fuse’s control, I don’t know if I’ll have enough to talk about if I were to address each of them separately in their own posts.  Therefore, I’m going to bite the bullet and try to go through headcanons on every fusion below the cut.  This list may be subject to change if I decide later to include characters that I haven’t discussed much before due to which versions of the game they were added into. Wish me luck...

Ace: Fusion Ace isn’t overly dangerous, so you’ll find him just doing a step up above the small time crime the real Ace used to do, namely the mass destruction of property.  Since he actually makes a really convincing double of OG Ace though, he blends in well among Earthlings extremely easily so long as no one traces his fusion matter makeup.  He’ll occasionally work with Fusion Father to gather information or run other stealth missions.    

Albedo: Albedo’s fusion seems to share his narcissism.  Ironically though, without even caring about how much he looks like Ben... he looks more like him than the real Albedo does.  He’ll only take advantage of this when given the order to do so.  He and Fusion Ben sometimes work together to trick Fusion Fighters by double-teaming on their opponents in combat situations or convincing soldiers that only one of them was assigned to an operation so the other can work freely in secret.  He thinks his OG counterpart is a coward and has no respect for him or any other being that isn’t one of his allies.   

Ben (and his aliens): Fusion Ben’s “Omnitrix” is honestly more for looks than anything, but that doesn’t mean that every single one of his alien transformations pack any less of a punch.  He can often overwhelm his opponents by rapidly shapeshifting, and unfortunately looks close enough like the real Ben to trick Fusion Fighters into doing his bidding or fighting amongst themselves. Unlike OG Ben though, he shows little interest in being an actual leader, instead doing what he can to raise himself up and pinning any faults of his on those under his command. Alien versions split from this fusion share a similar mindset, but are often a lot weaker than Fusion Ben himself.       

Billy: OG Billy might not be the brightest, but his fusion is downright savage. Unusually keeping crouched low to the ground, he tends to move on all fours in a simian fashion.  He seems closer to the typical fusion monster than actual fusion, with just enough sentience to speak--occasionally--and lead a small pack of monsters at a time. Whether he’s naturally like this or it’s because Fuse is exuding too much of his own will over the fusion is unknown.  Nevertheless, that savagery makes his a fierce threat in combat.   He also seems to be attached to Dizzy World, likely due to a positive memory tied to the location passed onto him from the real Billy.

Bloo: Fusion Bloo is somehow even more selfish than the real Bloo can act... Outside of his fear and loyalty to Fuse, once his work is done, he does whatever he pleases that he knows he won’t get into trouble for.  Strangely enough, he seems to be one of the few fusions who takes an interest in things like eating despite the fact that he has no need to, as he took OG Bloo’s juicebox in “Leaderbored.”  His imaginary energy, meanwhile, gives him a jealous streak against OG Bloo: He wants the attention and companionship the other has, even if he doesn’t really understand the latter or why he wants either.  Those feelings have boiled down to him wanting to destroy the real Bloo, but a reluctance to honestly fight those Earthlings he sees as “friends.”         

Blossom: Unlike the real Blossom and Princess, their fusions actually get along because they’re both selfish and manipulative.  The one point where they butt heads is that, because of these same reasons, they rival each other for Fuse’s praise.  As of now, because of her powers, Fusion Blossom’s taken the lead.  She’s far more cruel than her counterpart, not hesitating to use violence to assert her position as leader of the fusion PPG. 

Bubbles: If the real Bubbles is sugar, Fusion Bubbles is poison.  She’s the kind of being who would only admire a butterfly if she’s tearing its wings off or an ant under a microscope as she attempts to set it on fire. She fights regularly with her fusion sisters for dominance, but gets along well with the fusion Kankers since she can lord over them easily and shares their overly sadistic streak.    

Buttercup: Next to Samurai Jack’s fusion, Fusion Buttercup was one of the first ones made.  While too reactionary and quick-tempered to lead, she’s had a long while to get used to how Fuse leads and what he wants, making her one of his favorites. As such, she’s more hesitant when it comes to fighting than OG Buttercup if she thinks that something might please/benefit Fuse if kept intact/alive instead.  This includes vital enemies wanted for their information or skill like Dexter.      

Cheese: Feelings toward this fusion are... conflicting, to say the least... OG Cheese has caused so much trouble for the Fusion Fighters that a lot of soldiers see a fusion of him as a means of forcing Fuse himself to suffer what they’ve had to deal with--potentially ruining his plans as their Cheese has for them. Sometimes, this happens: Sometimes, it doesn’t.  It’s still better to take him down when possible. Fuse hates this fusion, but has also discovered that it wields a surprising amount of power. In the mission “Assorted Cheeses,” this fusion showed that it could split apart into smaller monsters and reform itself similar to Echo Echo’s fusion.  How it has this ability remains a mystery, but it’s nonetheless useful to the tyrant. 

Coco: Unfortunately for Fuse, making this fusion did next to nothing to help him learn more about or capture the real Coco.  Even worse for him, Fusion Coco has a habit of helping his enemies instead.  Since she does this through her eggs, he can’t tell them apart from the ones OG Coco drops everywhere.  Often, the Fusion Fighters can’t either, so her secret is safe.  Her mind is greatly unstable, her desire to do good coming in bursts caused by whatever may trigger them in the moment.  Usually, this is if she sees someone in need/danger similarly to how the real Coco’s creator had been--which she subconsciously remembers.  The rest of the time, she’s extremely aggressive to her enemies and Fuse makes sure to keep her on a short leash.     

Coop: Fusion Coop was created in hopes of him finding a way to finally take over Megas.  However, while that’s a work in-progress, his inventiveness has equally been proven useful to Fuse’s forces.  He’s a bit of a sloth if he’s not interested in the assignment, but a good threat will jar him back in line.  He often serves under the other scientist Fusions like Dexter’s, Mandark’s, and Utonium’s rather than work completely independently.  He’s also good at breaking and entering.

Courage: Fusion Courage is probably the most unlike his OG Counterpart; bigger, badder, and always willing to put up a fight.  The main thing they share is their skill with computers.  According to “Critical Mission (Part 2 of 2),” Fuse put him in charge of one of his main communication hubs as a guard for the Fusion Uplink device.  His bite is far worse than his bark, bringing with it an intense fusion matter infection.  

Dee Dee: Fusion Dee Dee doesn’t have much to offer Fuse beyond her original purpose, but that purpose is extremely important to him when it comes to the war effort.  As of now, she’s still the most useful to him in finding a way to best Dexter and Mandark, since they’re responsible for creating nanos and a good chunk of the weaponry used against him.  However, she hasn’t been very successful so far, failing to manipulate Mandark or break into Dexter’s old lab due to the player’s actions. Her greatest strength is her agility, which allows her to slip in and out of trouble when it arrives.   If she ever succeeds in serving her purpose, Fuse will likely get rid of her.  The more aware part of her self is slow to act the more this becomes clear until his will takes over yet again, and she wants to prove that she can be useful to him in other ways.  

Demongo: The power to rob and enslave souls isn’t anything that Fuse would snuff at. With that ability, not only can he copy the strengths of the planet’s strongest fighters through the creation of fusions, he can actually force those fighters to submit to his own will!  This, combined with Fusion Demongo possessing both a knack for strategy and love for destruction, made the being an instant favorite of the intergalactic tyrant’s.  As such, he’s allowed more freewill than most others, assigned fusions to support him, and regularly given tools or victims to keep increasing his power such as the initial theft of the souls OG Demongo had stolen for himself and the quest to claim the ancient beast deep in the Fissure in Townsville Park.  If it weren’t for the Resurrect ‘Ems protecting Fusion Fighters from him as much as their own lives, he’d have an even more insane advantage than usual. Fuse may usually keep him close to his Lair to prepare for his arrival since the demonic creature is such a force to be dealt with, but there’s nothing this fusion would like more than to hunt down every strong foe he can find and prime them for capture.    

Dexter (and Computress): Fusion Dexter is a mad scientist with all the self-control needed to make him one of the most terrifying fusions in Fuse’s army.  He’s just as skilled as Dexter, but with none of the morality to stop him from taking his scientific endeavors to horrifying extremes.  While Fusion Utonium is the one that focuses the most on biotech, that doesn’t stop Fusion Dexter from running experiments of his own on live captives.  Furthermore, he’s ruthless toward any subject that fails to meet his desired results, willing to throw them away at a snap of his fingers whether they’re an enemy or ally.  Just good enough is not good enough for him, and he constantly seeks to improve whatever he makes for his own satisfaction as much as to please Fuse.  He feels he has a kind of secret rivalry with the real Dexter, that helping win the war also will establish himself as more than just a copy of someone else, but rather the improved version.  Like OG Dexter, he made his Computress, but he sees her as a replaceable assistant.  She, meanwhile, is rather emotionless compared to the real Computress since she wasn’t designed to be a free-thinking AI.      

Ed: According to Royal Ed-viser, Fusion Ed is responsible for studying dinosaur DNA to aid in the creation of fusion monsters.  This shows a level of intelligence that the real Ed doesn’t, likely run by OG Ed’s passion.  He’s possibly been forced to pool all of his focus into a sole purpose to give him that intellect and neglected a lot of the freewill other fusions have.  Nevertheless, his intense strength is equally as useful to Fuse for combat.

Edd: Fusion Edd mostly serves under Fusion Dexter or Fusion Mandark, depending on wherever he’s needed at the time.  Sometimes, it’s to assist them in their work; Other times, he serves as an independent saboteur.  Unlike the real Double D, he has no trouble getting his hands dirty, but does share that see-a-need-fill-a-need mindset--just for Fuse’s purposes instead of any good.  As a result, Fuse is often fine leaving him to his own devices when he has no particular orders.  He’s an extremely reliable fusion.

Eddy: Fusion Eddy shares OG Eddy’s arrogance, which often puts him at odds with other fusions until they or Fuse remind him of his place.  He’s extremely conniving, and holds a ruthless command over the fusion monsters under him, but isn’t very strong himself and will turn tail the moment a situation falls out of his favor.  This makes him just useful enough for Fuse to keep him around, but little more.  He’d do almost anything to rise up the ranks and become one of the tyrant’s favorites.    

Eduardo: Out of all the imaginary friend fusions, Eduardo’s is the one that’s been able to stay himself the most without Fuse finding out about how much freer he is from the hivemind than the others. This is because he’s too scared to refuse Fuse’s orders as much as he often wants to. As such, he helps the Fusion Fighters in secret when the urge becomes too great by leaving clues like in the “Fusion by the Sea” mission arc or slipping up on purpose.  He might get punished by Fuse or even destroyed by a Fusion Fighter, but so long as that secret is kept Fuse will keep recreating him due to his raw strength.  He doesn’t know why he cares about Earth so much and tries to talk himself out of it, but he can’t help himself.      

Father: Fusion Father is equally as deceptive and powerful as his counterpart.  His primarily dark form similar to the real Father’s allows him to sneak around on Earth better than most other Fusions--the main difference being that his flames are green instead of red/orange and he doesn’t have as good a control over his skinsuit.  He’s even managed to go so far as to establish himself among Earth’s small time crime rings to gain some monetary value and understand more about how the planet works and what the Fusion Fighters are doing.  This level of stealth and manipulation makes him a scary threat to deal with.    

Flapjack: Being a simple kid with the goal of becoming an adventurer, OG Flapjack didn’t have many great strengths of his own that would be passed onto a fusion of himself.  As such, Fuse never put much thought into Fusion Flapjack.  He’s weak, but harmless to his own goals.  As such, this fusion tends to carry out more menial tasks or is used as a distraction while more powerful fusions aim for their true objectives on missions.  When left to his own devices, Fusion Flapjack is more interested in causing mischief wherever he can with a mean streak that his OG counterpart would be ashamed of.          

Frankie: Similar to Fusion Mac, Fusion Frankie was created as a means of tricking and luring away imaginary friends.  After her defeat in “The Fraudulent Frankie” mission arc though, failing to overrun Foster’s Home and with the imaginary friends now aware and warned about her, she’s been severely demoted.  The only reason Fuse bothered to recreate her was because she can direct the Scribble Spawns and Extremospawns best: Another severe failure would likely end in her permanent destruction if she doesn’t prove her worth.  

Fuzzy Lumpkins: Fusion Fuzzy doesn’t show much sentience beyond his ability to wield a gun, and is often just used as a distraction or to attack civilian areas without restraint.  He’s only marginally brighter than the typical fusion monster, but often much stronger.

Grandpa Max: Fusion Max is surprisingly just as spry and smart as the real one--and unfortunately doesn’t have to worry about any years wearing him down!  This makes him a clever fighter that knows how to take down a soldier with or without a weapon.  Sadly though, he doesn’t share Max’s patience with anyone who stands against him.  

Grim: This fusion’s scythe might not be able to send you to the afterlife, but it can infect you with a strong dose of fusion matter if he lands a successful cut.  Effectively, this poisons the body to wear down an opponent, and can potentially take their life if he’s unable to strike them down first. Possibly due in-part to OG Grim’s long life and wealth of memories, Fusion Grim actually recalls quite a bit of knowledge regarding Earth and its history--which has served Fuse well in the search of useful tools or resources for the war effort. He’s also taken advantage of the suspicion of OG Grim being a traitor by tricking others and acting in a way to cement those worries. 

Gunter: This fusion’s form was... unexpected, in a good way--for Fuse at least.  While never having met Gunter’s past self as Orgalorg, Fuse knows enough about the being to want to untap its power for himself.  Unfortunately for him, Orgalorg’s penguin body on Earth has extended to his fusion, as well as OG Gunter’s memory loss from “The Comet”  making it nearly impossible for his fusion to also regain memories of that time or summon much of that nature. Only Fuse’s own evil allows a small fraction of “Fusion Orgalorg” to come out.  In the very least, Fusion Gunter is steadfastly loyal to both him and Fusion Ice King.  

Gwen: Fusion Gwen is a bit of a late creation, made in response to the activation of totems across the globe.  Even with her defeat, however, she’s still skilled enough to be useful to Fuse as both a fighter and in the search/destruction of magical artifacts.  Since she couldn’t stop the totems from activating, her job is to get now try to get rid of them.  She works under Fusion Hex.  

Hex: As much of what’s unknown about the realms of magic and the Underworlders to most of Earth, Fuse has no idea what they’re capable of or how much of a threat they may pose to him.  His goal is to either take or destroy those forces as a result.  Fusion Hex recalls enough of his OG self’s memories to track down various ancient relics, and he’ll often work with Fusion Grim or Fusion Juniper to achieve their lord’s goals.  He devotes himself to researching spells and at least trying to match his counterpart is magical prowess, since he doesn’t have all of his memories.  If he could, he would kill and steal from the real Hex.   

Him: This fusion’s strengths are as mysterious--if possibly a bit weaker than--his OG counterpart.  While his dark, magical abilities seem limitless, his state as a fusion force them to focus that power moreso on what he’s physically capable of rather than just summon whatever he wants or use mind control/empathic influence like the real Him can.  That doesn’t stop him from playing mind games with his opponents as he beats them to a pulp though.  Based on the mission “Doppleganger Gang,” he’s been ordered to capture heroes for Fuse--likely with the intention of feeding their souls to Fusion Demongo as the latter has already taken so many.   

Hoss Delgado: Fusion Delgado seems to be regulated primarily to being muscle and one of the main defenders of the massive Dark Engine located in Steam Alley.  He talks less than his OG counterpart, but has the same type of cybernetic modifications to his body and knowledge of combat/weaponry.  He can best be described as a fusion matter version of a Terminator. 

Ice King: Fusion Ice King is even more mentally unstable than OG Ice King, with no sign or even hope of him instead mimicking the trapped consciousness of Simon.  While removing his crown seems to dilute some of his power, it doesn’t seem to be the main source of it, but rather a means of keeping strongly connected to Fuse’s hivemind in a kind of dual consciousness. Overall, his only goal is cold, crazed, and poisonous destruction.  However, aspects of OG Ice King’s personality surface best in his relationship to Fusion Gunter and interest in... well, Earth’s females.  It’s not out of any sense of “love/affection,” warped or otherwise, and he doesn’t care about whether they’re a princess or not: It’s just a thing he remembers from the real Ice King.  As such, he’s more likely to capture rather than kill girls until he loses interest because he doesn’t even really  understand why he wanted to capture them in the first place unless Fuse or another fusion gives him a reason.  It’s all about a moment’s satisfaction that quickly burns out to him.      

Juniper Lee: If the real Juniper Lee is a protector of magic/magical beings, her fusion is a destroyer of them: Effectively, an anti-Te-Xuan-Ze.  As such, Fusion Juniper’s job is primarily to destroy all sources of magical power and ruin relations between magic creatures and the rest of Earth’s lifeforms by posing as OG Juniper.  What she doesn’t attempt to destroy, she tries to take for herself to boost her own power. She’ll sometimes work with Fusion Hex. 

Kevin: Just as how fusion matter allowed the real Kevin to be corrupted, it makes fusions of him too unstable to be of any use without turning into a regular monster or opposing force from absorbing combative energies/materials to its makeup.  As a result, you get the monstrosities fashioned similarly to his 11 year-old self when he was still struggling with his powers.  This fusion is a huge brute with an insane temper, but is always two seconds away from destabilizing if tricked into absorbing the wrong things.   

Lee, Marie and May Kanker: Even as fusions these three as inseparable.  Since they’re far weaker apart without any notable powers beyond enhanced strength, Fuse has kept them together during all of their tasks.  The OG Kankers may be bullies, but this trio has a sadistic streak that’s hard to match.  They will always play with and torment their enemies before ending them.     

Mac:  Due to OG Mac’s close ties to imaginary friends, his fusion was made in the hopes of tricking and luring them to capture--particularly Coco.  He’s not the strongest, but can turn wild if sent into a rage similar to how the real Mac gets after eating too much candy. Unfortunately, Fusion Mac was created using one of OG Mac’s backpacks, and after the player takes it in the mission “Pack Attack,” he’s been throwing a kind of permanent tantrum ever since.     

Mandark: Since Fusion Dexter is often leading the tech aspect of Fuse’s army, Fusion Mandark comes second with sabotaging or repurposing the Fusion Fighter’s tech--like rewiring Mandroids to make them work for him instead of the real Mandark.  He’s as intelligent as OG Mandark with less of the ego, particularly because if he showed it, he’d likely be punished for it.  Still, all of that outrage makes him all the more determined when hacking into systems and turning Earth’s machines against itself.  If he could though, he’s usurp Fusion Dexter as their lead scientist, and secretly looks for any flaw that might take the other down a peg.      

Mandy: Fusion Mandy isn’t known for her strength so much as her intellect and ability to manipulate others.  As such, while she’s often working behind the scenes with guards to protect her, she’s still a commanding officer in Fuse’s army with a hunger for power that rivals only her intense dominance of those under her.  Beyond seeing the advantages of having Earth’s living manifestation of Death on their side, she’s jealous of the OG Mandy for her authority of OG Grim--unable to enforce that same authority over Fusion Grim due to their ultimate loyalties to Fuse and separate orders.  As such, it’s her personal goal to get the real Grim under her control before Fuse consumes Earth.  (She has similar feelings regarding Fusion and OG Billy, but not to the same extent since his fusion is less of a challenge.)  She views her almost as a rival to steal everything from.  Also unlike OG Mandy, who is at least willing to show some compassion to those she’s close to, her fusion won’t hesitate to sacrifice her underlings to achieve victory--following Fuse’s mindset that they’re tools who can simply be recreated if desired.       

Mayor: Fusion Mayor is extremely weak, but far more ruthless than the real one.  Since he can’t really fight--and the Fusion PPG answer to Fuse directly instead of him--his primary tasks involve poisoning food supplies and similar objectives.  He’s small enough that he’s easily able to weave around forces when soldiers are distracted, and his fusion pickles look harmless enough at face value that he’s succeeded a good handful of times at infecting a whole cache of supplies.  One on one though, he’s easily beatable and Fuse doesn’t tend to put too much thought into recreating him until he’s fallen out of contact for too long.      

Mojo Jojo: At first he was confused, but there were no complaints from Fusion Mojo when his counterpart stole his fusion bananas and gave them to his minions--only for those minions to ally themselves to the former with several becoming Spawn Simians.  If OG Mojo is going to sabotage himself, then he can have at it! It makes his tasks creating tech for Fuse all the easier by giving him additional forces as backup.  As a result, he’s more concerned about other areas of the Fusion Fighters than his counterpart’s and can’t take them seriously.  He’d call the real Mojo an idiot to his face.         

Mr. Herriman: This fusion is exceptionally weak, but surprisingly diligent to Fuse despite being based on an imaginary friend.  He’s kept in the Darkland for two reasons: To be closely monitored and handle more of the organizational/administrative work behind the scenes.  As a result, he’s often silently hooked up to the hivemind to file away and pass along information while other fusions are distracted with other matters in real-time.  It’s not the most useful skill for them, but does speed things up.    The heavy workload also serves as a distraction in care he does feel a sudden rebellious streak.   

Numbuh One: Fusion Numbuh One is a fierce commanding officer, but worse is that he’s maintained a lot of the real Numbuh One’s memories of his time in the KND.  Beyond the dangerous of him possibly having important knowledge regarding the organization itself, this has allowed him to plot strategies involving emotional manipulation to attack Nigel and other members of the KND, such as kidnapping Robobradley in “Skunk Support.”  He also knows how much guilt Nigel feels over the events of the GKND, and isn’t afraid to use that against him and those he cares about.     

Numbuh Two: Fusion Numbuh Two isn’t one for direct confrontations.  Instead, he prefers attacking others through subtler means like poison in “Eduardo and the Pirates (Part 4 of 4)” or by sending out fusion monsters in his stead.  It might be a problem for Fuse if the fusion wasn’t so good at improving fusion monsters through his technological skills and increasing the defenses of areas he’s already captured by turning them into waiting death traps.  This lack of experience, however, serves to make the fusion both weak and overconfident when trouble does arrive on his doorstep.      

Numbuh Three: Fusion Numbuh Three prefers to capture her victims when she can rather than kill them.  However, this just comes out of a greedy, possessive desire.  If she sees something she likes, she has to have it--and that especially goes for the real Numbuh Three’s things.  If it’s an actual person in question, she’ll view them as a toy.  However, if you play along, you might have an easier time of tricking her and escaping.  Just make sure you succeed...

Numbuh Four: Fusion Numbuh Four isn’t very different from his counterpart, just that he’s serving on the opposite side of the war and can always focus 100% of his energy on his missions.  This basically makes him a fighting machine, who only seems to get stronger the angrier he gets in battle.  He’s often made to fight on the front lines.      

Numbuh Five: Fusion Numbuh Five shares a lot of the real Numbuh Five’s strengths, but is far more arrogant  She mocks her opponents constantly, doing whatever she can to through them off or upset them.  This includes going out of her way to upset OG Numbuh Five by stealing her candy and irradiating it despite it having little importance to the war effort.  She doesn’t seem to be as smart as OG Numbuh Five though, since she tried to make an imaginary friend of her own--likely as a minion--when fusions don’t have imaginary energy and was tricked into believing the player was that friend in “Imaginary Reinforcements (Part 4 of 4).”     

Princess: While not the most powerful, Fusion Princess’ combined tech and rage make her a fierce foe.  However, she often makes sure to let fusion monsters do her dirty work ahead of time or even tries to manipulate Earth’s denizens first with empty promises of gain before trying to get rid of them after their usefulness is up.  She belittles other fusions, starting fights with the more aggressive ones before their seniors threaten them back in line.   

Professor Utonium: To make himself all the more useful to Fuse--and partly in competition with Fusion Dexter--Fusion Utonium experimented on himself to increase his physical strength and give him tentacles shooting from his back as an additional weapon.  While Fusion Dexter focuses primarily on weaponry/cybernetics, Fusion Utonium focuses on biotechnology and mutations.  Rather than simply destroy Earth’s lifeforms, he wants to see how they might be further corrupted to serve Fuse.  He worked with Fusion Mandark to create the Scribble Spawns and works with Fusion Mojo Jojo to investigate the creation of the Spawn Simians.          

Samurai Jack: Noted as one of--if not the--first fusion created, he’s had more than enough time to prove his usefulness to Fuse with great success.  OG Jack is a warrior above all others among Earth’s forces, so his fusion plays a similar role.  Few have been able to face him in combat due to his strengths matching his counterpart’s: If he had all of OG Jack’s memories, without being controlled by Fuse’s hivemind as much as he is, he’d be pretty much unstoppable.  Even still, only those who have some guidance under OG Jack himself can really seem to face him. Similar to Fusion Demongo, Fusion Jack is kept in the Darklands as a means of leading/defending some of Fuse’s most important assignments/strongholds to the war effort.   

Stickybeard: Fitting of a fusion based on a pirate, Fusion Stickybeard’s main objectives involve attacking and pillaging from soldiers.  Most of his targets are those stationed away from the main bases, but he will occasionally steal from more important locations if given the order.  His work has caused a lot of trouble from ruining supply lines to robbing integral information to the war effort.  In the mission “Fusion Pirate’s Pillage,” he even managed to steal items for nano creation before the player stole them back.  

Tetrax: OG Tetrax’s intergalactic mercenary experience made his fusion just as tough to beat.  Not only can he handle fighting against Earth’s forces, but he also can direct some of Fuse’s allies like the Ectonurites.  Never losing his cool, he’s a strategic, ruthless general to the end.     

The Scotsman: Since this fusion’s sword doesn’t have the same magical properties as his OG counterpart, he’s mainly used as a relentless force of muscle--enough so to even gain a reputation among Earth’s soldiers. His Fusion Blade contains stronger concentrations of fusion matter than usual and therefore can infect victims with each cut like Fusion Grim’s scythe and Fusion Jack’s sword can. He often serves under Fusion Demongo, acting as an extension of the latter since he can’t often leave Fuse’s Lair.      

Toiletnator: This fusion is one that Fuse looks at and goes, “Well... you exist.”  He doesn’t have high expectations of Fusion Toiletnator, so he just lets another fusion give him orders for mostly menial tasks when needed.  He’s not as clumsy as his counterpart, so he’s actually quick to get his tasks done.    

Vilgax: While Fusion Vilgax is a powerful force to have on his side, Fuse really just savors having him due to how insulting he knows it is for the real Vilgax.  Fuse never thinks of most other lifeforms as much more than bugs to stomp out before he absorbs their words, but he’s actually had a few run-ins with OG Vilgax during previous conquests to think of him as a very annoying gnat.  Therefore, while he entrusts Fusion Vilgax with serious missions, he’ll also sometimes cause him to suffer in particular when he’s frustrated or if he knows OG Vilgax will see it as a means of showing off his power like a megalomaniac.    

Wilt: Out of all the imaginary friend fusions, Wilt’s is the most difficult to control.  He’s just too much like his counterpart: Overly apologetic with a strong desire to show kindness whenever he goes.  Fuse constantly destroyed and recreated this fusion because he couldn’t follow through with orders--and may have deemed him too much trouble to keep around were it not for his borderline desperate sense of loyalty and the cybernetics that Fusion Mandark would later give him. Beyond an increase of strength, these cybernetics serve a double purpose: They aid in enforcing Fuse’s hivemind for Fusion Wilt in-particular and serve as a means of altering his persona by catering to the role of the evil Lord Snotzax, which OG Wilt took in the episode “Make Believe it or Not.”  Even still, you’ll find that Fusion Wilt’s dark side isn’t so dark.  The mission “Fizzy Rox and Roll” shows him only stealing candy.  The worst he’s seemed to have done was set up Gooby Traps in the “Xtra Large Fusion” mission arc before going into hiding.  As such, he’s pretty low on the totem pole when it comes to leading Fuse’s army. 

[flutteringphalanges]

Bad Moon Rising

Summary:  “Am I in Hell?” Agatha’s voice was hoarse, a hint of fear in her tone. “That depends on your definition,” Dracula answered. “Perhaps.” His fingers felt cool against her burning skin, the fever raging through her body. “If you’re going to kill me, then do it,” she mumbled. The count chuckled, gazing into her eyes. “On the contrary,” he smirked. “I’m going to save you.”

((In which Dracula cares for a gravely ill Agatha))

Characters: Agatha Van Helsing/Dracula

Rating: T

Read on FFN and AO3

A/N:  Thank you so much for all of your reviews/comments/kudos/etc! You guys are the best! Now, as promised, the next chapter!

                                              Chapter Two

Fevers are a troublesome thing. Fickle hallucinations leading one to doubt their sanity. Even then, would her imagination be so cruel as to conjure up the specter that was Dracula? Unless she was indeed dead. Perhaps in Hell. No. The Damned wouldn't be tortured so. Before her he truly was, in ungodly flesh, the count himself. How she yearned for death to find her.

"Somewhat lucid I see," the vampire replied, looming over the nun. "I dare say you had me worried back there. Ah, Sister Agatha Van Helsing, a true martyr to the cause."

"What exactly do you want with me?" She whispered hoarsely, the physical act causing her great pain. "I'm dying."

"Of course you are," Dracula said with a smile. "It's rather fascinating watching a human body break down. But," he paused. "Your absence wouldn't be much use to me if you were just a husk. I'm a man of science, of reason. Not, I dare say, a mortician."

"So you are going to transform me into a vampire?" Agatha scoffed weakly. "Or drain me of my blood? To learn everything there is to know?"

Dracula clicked his tongue, moving to the other side of her bed. "Agatha, Agatha, Agatha...For someone so educated, as you put it back at the convent, you really do lack the deduction skills. Transforming you, blessing you to become my equal, is not on the current agenda. What is, is a chance for me to study you from a different angle. I," he grinned. "Am going to save you."

"Save me?" She inquired, entering into a fit of coughing. "S...save me? Is that code for something?"

"I assure you it's not," Dracula responded. "Think of it as...a favor. I do something for you, and you owe me later. Quid pro quo." He leaned over, mere inches from her face. "You are an intriguing specimen, Agatha. Something so valuable shouldn't go to waste."

"No," she said, surprising how firm it came out. "I'd rather die than be in your presence."

The vampire seemed to think for a moment before clasping his hands together. "Alright then," he exhaled. "I can't keep you against your will. You're free to leave if you'd like."

She eyed him suspiciously. "You wouldn't try to stop me?"

He shrugged. "No, it would be a loss for sure. But then again, I suppose I could find someone as interesting. I have lived for centuries."

Agatha inhaled, watching the still expression on his face as she tried to force her body off the bed. Her legs betrayed her. Limbs too heavy to move. Just the mere attempt of leaving sent shock waves of pain to every nerve. She was weak, incredibly so. She knew Dracula was smiling. Knew that he was well aware of her condition and hated him even more. Agatha was trapped whether she had the will to escape or not.

"So you'll be staying then?" He inquired, false innocence in his tone. "A good thing too, a storm is coming. It'd be a shame if you were to be caught in it."

"I despise you," she hissed, her head beginning to ache. "You disgust me."

"Bold words," he smirked. "But not the first time I've heard them. Now just rest and leave everything to me. Consider me your physician if you will." He swatted away a fly that flew too close to Agatha. "And please, pardon the insects, they come with the territory."

Agatha tried to open her mouth to counter his words, but she found herself unable to do so. The room spun around her, the flames engulfing her once more. She tried to fight the fever, battle the consciousness that came with it, but it was in vain. Dracula watched intently as she slipped away, pulled by the welcoming emptiness that was sleep.

Dreaming, a state much like purgatory. Being trapped between two worlds, consciousness and a stage of sleep that is deep and thoughts non-existent. Even though she was gravely ill, Agatha knew she was no longer awake. That this wasn't real. That the woman standing before her, expressionless, arms folded, was a trick in her mind. She was dead after all. Mother Superior.

"You've found yourself in quite a difficult situation, Sister Agatha."

"It's nothing I cannot handle," the nun said, feeling rather exposed by the blinding white light that surrounded them. "I just have to keep level headed."

"Brains before the Lord?" The older woman inquired, tilting her head. "Have you considered reaching out to your true calling?"

"If God had sought to help me, would I not be where I am now?" Agatha replied. "Would he have left me in the belly of the beast like I am now? Death at the door, prey to a monster?"

"You've always been one of surprises, Sister," Mother Superior answered with a thin smile. "One of my favored pupils despite your lack of faith. And where has it led you?"

"To my impending demise? Is that what you are trying to say? That this is a result of being forsaken? Your attempt to patronize me hasn't brought forth any desire to repent my ways," she frowned.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, Agatha," the woman stated. "Perhaps He is presenting you with a challenge. A test if you will. Facing your greatest foe. The question is, will you accept? If you truly wish to learn about Count Dracula, you have been given the opportunity."

As much as Agatha hated to admit it, perhaps the old woman was right. Perhaps this was a chance to learn more about Dracula. Though she would be made to suffer through it, would it be worth the outcome? Had she much of a choice? She swallowed, feeling the heat of the invisible flames licking at her skin.

"Observe him while he believes he has the upper hand?" Agatha implied.

"Precisely," Mother Superior smiled. "God works in mysterious ways, Sister Agatha. Perhaps you'll begin to see."

Agatha.

The nun looked to the older woman, noting her lips were no longer moving.

Agatha.

The voice sounded distant, but soon grew closer. The ground around her began to shake, the image of Mother Superior drifted away. Agatha stumbled, trying to hold her ground as the bright light disappeared from around her.

"Agatha, wake up."

The former nun gasped, her eyes shooting open. Her body trembled, head throbbing as she caught sight of Dracula standing before her. If her eyes didn't deceive her, he almost looked slightly concerned.

"You were talking in your sleep," he commented. "Incoherently."

For the first time, she noticed a rag in his hand. When he approached her side, Agatha attempted to shy away. If she had the strength, she would've swatted it away as he placed it on her forehead. Cool. Wet. It was soothing to her burning flesh. Part of her wanted to sigh, but the other, more reasoning part didn't want to give him the satisfaction. Instead, she remained still, her eyes locked on his.

"Were you having a nightmare?"

He sounded genuinely curious and it made her skin crawl. Agatha said nothing, trying to slide deeper under the covers. She was exhausted. So tired. Dracula standing there eyeballing her like a prize chicken wasn't helping. She remembered her dream. The advice her brain "Mother Superior" had suggested. Learn about him while he thinks he's doing the same.

"Do vampires dream?" She inquired.

"Anything with a mind dreams, Agatha," the vampire exclaimed. "A dog. A monkey. Perhaps even a flea. If one sleeps, one can dream."

"And if I were to tell you I had a nightmare, what would you say?"

"To only hope that I was a part of it," he smirked. "But the feeling would extend if I was in your dream also."

"Then you'd be disappointed," she mumbled, bleary eyed. "Now if you'd be so kind, if at all possible, I'd like to go back to sleep. I'm feeling rather weary of your presence."

"But of course," the vampire smiled. "How rude of me. Rest well, Agatha Van Helsing, I'll keep an ear open if you need me."

"I won't," she muttered.

"All the same," he smirked. "Sleep tight, don't let the bats bite."

Agatha watched as the vampire left the room, leaving the door slightly ajar much to her displeasure. She allowed her eyes to close, trying to focus on the cool cloth on her forehead. She would be the one victorious in the end. Even if it took her last breath. A new fire burned deep within her, spreading along with the fever. Competition.

[shadowed-dancer]

SVTFOE Season 4 Rewrite

Long, long ago I hinted that I’d make this and then I didn’t post it. It’s been sitting in my drafts for months so I figured “hey, maybe it’s time.” Some of you may recall this rewrite I did back in May which changed the events of Cleaved, but I wanted to go further. In an ideal scenario, we never get to the point where Cleaved is a necessary episode because the build up of the season was designed in a way that any resolution ends up being unsatisfying.

For this little writing exercise I’ve decided to undertake, I’d like to establish my ground rules. I will be working with the amount of episodes already allotted to season 4 (21 episodes) and I’ll be writing under the idea that they are aired the same way (two every Sunday, with the finale being aired alone. I’ll put a “-” in between episodes so you know which would have aired together). Some episodes will remain the same, some will be similar but will have changes, some will borrow ideas from real episodes, and others will be the same as episodes we actually got, just shifted to a different point in the season. Some of my episodes will be 10 minutes, others will take the whole 20.

As always, this is just for fun, I still have the greatest respect for the svtfoe team and what they created.

It’s a super long post, which is why it’s under the cut. I worked really hard on this, so any likes and reblogs are appreciated! Alright, without further ado, season 4!

Episode 1: Butterfly Follies

I found that this episode was a lovely reintroduction to the characters, so I wouldn’t change anything about it.

Episode 2: Escape From Pie Island

Honestly, it was fine. I think it tied together the “finding Moon” plot from Butterfly Follies pretty well. I’d include a little more about Festivia if anything.

-

Episode 3 A: Moon Remembers

A nice episode as is, I wouldn’t change anything

Episode 3 B: Swimsuit

Also an awesome episode! One of my favourites actually, so it stays (don’t worry, we’ll get to the juicy changes soon enough)

Episode 4 A: Ransomgram

Ransomgram was a cute episode. It helped us take a break from the plot driven drama of the past few episodes. HOWEVER, I would change 1 thing. At the end, when someone has to stay in the ab dimension to repair the damage, I’d have Star do it (like she tricks Marco into leaving, closes the portal behind him, then comes out a few seconds later in Mewni). This way her age evens out with Marco’s. The way it’s currently written actually makes the age gap worse! So yeah, have Star stay behind without Marco.

Episode 4 B: Lake House Fever

A good episode, I loved seeing more of Dave and Wrathmelior, but I would start really foreshadowing that Star and Tom are about to break up. Don’t have the cute “are you an angel” exchange at the end. Instead, let them have the awkwardness of a couple who’s fallen out of love. We want to break people off their desire for Tomstar early, not super late.

-

Episode 5 A: Yada Yada Berries

Who doesn’t love a good detective episode? Plus, the events of this will be important later. It stays the same

Episode 5 B: Down by the River

Similar to the original, but now have Moon actually excited to start a new Kingdom. It’s in her nature, she’s been trained to be queen her whole life, so show the establishments of the new kingdom, but with a queen who really wanted it (have her be excited when new people show up, have her eagerly establish living quarters and such).

Episode 6 A: The Ponyhead Show

Same title, different plot. Ponyhead’s new show is set to premiere with it’s first celebrity guest, Eclipsa, but someone cuts the connection. The show was supposed to be Eclipsa’s first official address to her people. This episode’s plot is the characters trying to get the connection back before their allotted time runs out. They end up succeeding and Eclipsa gets to sing her song. Also, cut all the Kelly and Marco interactions, or at least make it super obvious that they are just friends (why not give Kelly a boyfriend? One that isn’t Tad)

Episode 6 B: Surviving the Spiderbites

Perfect episode, wouldn’t change a thing. Absolutely amazing.

-

Episode 7: Curse of the Blood Moon

Yeah, I cut the entirety of the original episode 7 and shifted this one up a bit, but can you really blame me? Those episodes were pointless! This episode was good, I wouldn’t change to much, however, make it really obvious that, after the curse is broken, Marco still thinks everything about Star is adorable. She could also feel the same way about him. To make room for this, cut that weird couch segment.

Episode 8 A: Princess Quasar Catepillar and the Magic Bell

This was a fun episode, and since we’ll just be coming off of a plot driven episode, let’s do something cool with Ludo!

Episode 8 B: Ghost of Butterfly Castle

Same as the actual episode, but now we learn that Mina was not only behind the Yada Yada berries, but she was also behind cutting the connection at the Ponyhead Show.

-

Episode 9 A: Cornball!

Same as the actual episode we got, but without the whole “Break up buddies” thing between Marco and Kelly (remember how we cut that whole episode?) Now, we just have Marco and Kelly being friends, maybe with Marco hinting that he really likes Star and Kelly giving some relationship advice?

Episode 9 B: Meteora’s Lesson

Same title, but it’s been rewritten! So, the episode plays out the same up until they meet Toffee. In this new episode, they don’t meet Toffee at all! Instead, they travel to Skywynne directly after she destroyed the dimension. Turns out the lesson wasn’t for Meteora, it was for Skywynne. Glossaryck reassures Skywynne that everything will work out between her and her crush and, as proof, he brought her great granddaughter from the future. Skywynne is super confused and attributes the whole thing to being a hallucination caused by her dipping down for the first time (because remember, Skywynne thinks Glossaryck is dead at that point in her life). Glossaryck tries to explain that he’s real and, to prove he’s fake, Skywynne grabs her wand and is about to blast him. Meteora reacts to this and dips down to protect him (like the way it’s described in the book, out of the protection for another). Glossaryck and her go back to their own time, leaving Skywynne really confused. It ends the same way the real episode does.

Episode 10 A: The Knight Shift

I didn’t like this episode, but I like the relationship building between Marco and Star. It ends similarly with Marco saying that, no matter what, he’ll be there for Star and will visit her often. He then gets a call from his parents, leading us to...

Episode 10 B: Mariposa

A completely new episode! Marco and Star learn that his new baby brother is about to be born, so they return to Earth. Maybe there’s some trouble getting there or whatever. It would just be a cute episode, so I won’t go into huge details since they don’t matter, but it would obviously end with the baby being a girl and being called Mariposa! Star decides to stay on Earth for a few days, realizing that she feels more comfortable there than on Mewni at the moment.

-

Episode 11 A: Britta’s Tacos

Pretty much the same episode we actually got. I liked it.

Episode 11 B: Beach Day

Again, same episode as what we got in the actual season. However now there is the obviousness of them slowly wanting to be a couple.

Episode 12 A: Gone Baby Gone

Pretty much the same episode because I love getting to see the teen designs for Mariposa and Meteora. However, this time it’s not Heckapoo who leaves a portal open, instead someone (doesn’t matter who) accidentally cuts a rift to the abs dimension. Also, now we’d actually get to see adult Star from when I aged her up back in ransomgram!

Episode 12 B: Sad Teen Hotline

Tom comes to visit Star on Earth and breaks up with her. It’s basically the same as the original episode, but the portals are actually being affected by their emotions (not by Heckapoo closing the portals). It ends with him coming to terms with it and is able to make a proper portal to leave.

-

Episode 13 A: Pancake Day

Similar to the episode “A Spell With No Name” from the actual series in the sense that we get to hang out with the spells again. Star’s spells are in a bit of a panic because ownership has transferred from Star to Eclipsa and they fear they may never be used again! To help ease their minds, Narwhal and Spider go out to the other rooms and interview spells from past queens (specifically spells we actually read about in the book) and they get to realize that, even if another princess doesn’t use them, they still can lead good lives inside the wand! To celebrate, the invite their new spell friends back to their room for a pancake day.

Episode 13 B: Junkin Janna

Star needs to accompany Eclipsa to a meeting with the MHC, while Tom needs help keeping his mind off his breakup with Star. Janna tags along with Star to Mewni and offers to take Tom boot sledding. Eclipsa and Star learn that there are readings of magic being emitted from the destroyed Butterfly castle (not the monster temple). Eclipsa and Star say they don’t know who it is, since neither of them had gone back. Meanwhile, Tom and Janna get attacked by the bird and we learn that Mina is creating a giant suit of armour for... something.

Episode 14: General Loveberry

A flashback episode! Yay! This episode starts the same way “Pizza Party” starts, with an introduction to rag peddler Mina meeting Solaria and the promise that Mina will be the fiercest warrior Mewni ever knew. It cuts to a scene at the meeting table (the one from “Moon the Undaunted”) with Jushtin yelling at Solaria that the idea is insane. Mina says she’ll happily risk herself to defend the kingdom, and that perhaps Mewni is lucky Jushtin never became queen. Jushtin stands up and takes Eclipsa from Solaria, saying that it’s his sister’s choice on how to proceed, but that it’s no place for a baby.

We then go through a series of cuts to the different Queens at the table. At each cut, Mina becomes a little more unstable.

We start with Queen Eclipsa and Shastacan arguing about whether to deploy the Solarians. Mina reassures Eclipsa that her armies will destroy every last monster, making Eclipsa squirm. She says that she’s the queen and her decision is final, they will not use the Solarians.

Cut to Festivia and the MHC. True to Festivia’s chapter, Rhombulus is suggesting war, Omnitraxes says to wait, Glossaryck isn’t there, and Heckapoo is being super supportive of Festivia. She decides they will go to war and Mina says her army will fight just as hard, if not harder, than when Solaria had first made them.

Cut to Dirhhennia doodling balls on a piece of paper while Festivia introduces Mina and describes all the valiant things she did. Dirhhennia looks up and shrugs, making some comment or whatever. Festivia and Mina exchange a look and it cuts to the literal same scene, but now it’s Crescenta excitedly listening to the victories of Mina. She says that, with her plans for the kingdom, Mina and the Solarians won’t need to fight, and that they can take a break, but it’s good to know they fought so hard.

Cut to Rhina asking if it’s possible for the Solarians to protect her on a trip to the Underworld. Mina explains that not many Solarians are left, and besides, their job wasn’t escort missions, they were made for battle.

Cut to Celena comforting Mina, as we learn that she is the last Solarian left.

Cut to the MHC arguing again with Estrella drawing instead of paying attention, while Mina tries to explain the benefit of another war.

Finally, we cut to Queen Comet explaining her idea for a peace treaty. Mina tries desperately to change her mind, but Comet refuses and explains how the tension between monsters has been going on for too long. She tells Mina a detailed plan for her trip to make he deal, and is then called in by Moon, who needs help figuring out a pie recipe. Comet leaves and Mina is left to think.

Under the cover of night, Mina goes out to the Monster camp. The Monsters freak out as she walks in, but she explains that she means them no harm... yet. She demands she speaks to the general (Toffee) and she gives him all the details of Comet’s travel plan. She says that a peace treaty won’t benefit either side, and he says he agrees. She tells him to do whatever he wants with that information, before she runs back into the woods.

We then get a cut to the present, where Mina is standing in the garden at night, facing statues of the previous queens that we just saw. She apologizes to Comet, saying that it was the only way to end the war once and for all. She hears footsteps behind her, and Moon appears. She says “I’m ready to help” and Mina smiles.

-

Episode 15 A: A Boy and His DC‑700XE

Again, same episode. This was a really nice, fun episode. However, any and all jokes about Tomco are removed, and instead Tom says that if Marco wants to date Star, he can.

(I want to deal with this now, because I know someone will ask. The reason I don’t want any Tomco hints is because, in this fake season, Starco is already under way. I want to minimize the shipping drama and just build as healthy a relationship as possible for Star and Marco, one that the fandom would hopefully be ok with).

Episode 15 B: Return to St. Olga’s

Eclipsa comes to Star and says that Meteora won’t stop crying and she’s not sure why. She gives Star a drawing that Meteora did, which Star immediately recognizes (it’s just a bunch of scribbles, the audience isn’t meant to know what this is but somehow Star gets it). She tells Eclipsa she knows what Meteora wants, and goes to get Marco. They then go back to St. Olga’s and we get to check in with the girls over there (they’re doing well). The details don’t really matter, but in the end they find Meteora’s old car parked out front (the one she used to live in) and in the trunk they find the dolls of Eclipsa and Globgor. They return with the dolls and Meteora begins clapping before hugging them close. Eclipsa expresses her shock, stating that she hadn’t seen those dolls in 300 hundred years. It ends with Eclipsa looking at the Globgor doll and smiling.

Episode 16: The Monster and the Queen

Similar to the real episode, but longer. It ends with Star proclaiming that Eclipsa will receive a proper coronation, and then will become the proper queen of Mewni once again.

-

Episode 17 A: Doop Doop

Same title, altered plot. Moon goes to Star and tells her to go on vacation to Earth because the stress of planning a coronation is clearly starting to get to her. Star agrees, saying it would be nice to take a break from planning. Star and Marco go through Mewni and say good bye to all their friends, ending with Doop Doop, before actually leaving for Earth. Once they’re back on Earth, Star says she forgot something and tries to open the portal, but it doesn’t work. She questions if it’s because she’s emotional, like what happened with her break up with Tom. She attempts to call Tom with the intention of having him bring the thing she forgot, but it goes to static. Her and Marco realize something is wrong with the portals.

Episode 17 B: Jannanagins

Same episode, but now Tom isn’t here.

Episode 18 A: Mama Star

Same episode, but Tom isn't here.

Episode 18 B: Ready, Aim, Fire

Similar to the real episode, but Globgor is not free yet. Star, Marco, and Janna all wake up in different places on Mewni (Doop Doop, lint catcher, and Meteora’s nursery). Marco learns that the MHC plans on freeing Globgor, then having the Solarians attack while he’s still disoriented from being freed. Moon is shocked that Star has returned, and Star goes to help Eclipsa, whose castle is under attack. Janna is staying with Meteora while Eclipsa defends her castle and her people.

-

Episode 19 A: The Right Way

Star and Eclipsa defeat the one warrior (not with the total annihilation spells, just with something else). Moon shows up to help but slips up and reveals she sent Star to Earth knowing this attack would happen, and that she wanted Star away from the danger. She’s then forced to explain herself and reveals that she (Moon) made the new Solarians with the intent of getting rid of Globgor once and for all. Moon speaks of the horror stories she was told about Globgor, leading Eclipsa to speak up with the truth.

Episode 19 B: Queen of Darkness

A flashback episode, very similar to “Moon the Undaunted” from season 3. This would be the story of Meteora’s kidnapping, Globgor eating Shastacan, the attack on Spiderbite village, and Globgor’s crystallization. The whole episode would end with Eclipsa being crystallized.

Episode 20 A: Here to Help

Moon tries to reason with Mina, explaining that she was wrong about Globgor and that he was just a parent looking out for his family. She takes away the powers of the Solarians, leaving Mina as the only one left. Moon tells Mina that Eclipsa will leave with Meteora and Globgor will stay crystallized forever. Mina complains that they are all being let off too easy and tries to attack, but is held off. The group of heroes fall through a portal like they do in “Pizza Party”, and they meet Heckapoo.

Episode 20 B: The Tavern at the End of the Multiverse

Heckapoo reveals that Rhombulus and Mina are going to destroy Globgor and there’s nothing they can do, so they might as well stay safe until this whole thing blows over, then Moon and Star can return, while Eclipsa and Meteora stay in hiding. Moon is mad until she realizes this is exactly what she did to Star, and suddenly understands Star’s conviction to fight for her beliefs. Star is freaking out over the whole thing and sees Glossaryck, forcing herself into his eye. From there, she tells him she needs advice and he takes her to the grandma room. The ghosts appear similar to the actual grandma reunion scene, but this time Star asks them for help on what to do. A few of them motion to Moon’s tapestry, revealing Toffee can speak. He and Star have a civil conversation which leads to him revealing that Mina gave him the information on where to find Comet. Star turns to ask the ghosts if that’s true, but they’re gone. She sees her tapestry though, it’s her and Marco holding hands while standing on a stage. They are facing away from the audience. Facing towards the audience is Eclipsa, Globgor, and Meteora, being cheered on. Star realizes this is the coronation and that she needs to make this happen. She returns and explains that Eclipsa needs to be the true queen again. When Moon protests, Star reveals that Mina helped plot the murder of Comet. With that, Moon prepares for battle.

-

Episode 21: Cornonation

The episode begins with the group of friends all backstage while Eclipsa gets ready. It’s not as huge of an auditorium because they’re trying to keep things pretty quiet so they don’t attract any unwanted attention. (At some point here, Marco can point out the typo of “Cornonation”). Eclipsa learns a string on her guitar broke and runs to go fix it. Star goes after her and finds that Globgor has escaped. It was Mina who convinced Rhombulus to let Globgor out, but they didn’t anticipate he’d be so fast and he escaped. In a panic, he crashes into the coronation stage (rather than running to the swamp) and Mina goes for the attack. At some point, we show Moon returning to Butterfly castle to get her armour, and there can be another scene where she looks at her mother’s tapestry, smiling before going out to avenge her.

At this moment at the Coronation, Eclipsa is being crystallized but suddenly breaks out her butterfly form and dips down for the first time. She and Moon join forces to do the spell with no name but now it's effects are less deadly, it simply destroys Mina’s armour (rather than flying out and melting everything else). Moon can have a cool moment where she confronts Mina about Comet.

The MHC is still fighting Globgor and we get a similar cool fight scene. Tom suddenly flies up (he was back stage with Marco) and summons the dead queens (remember how he did that with Mackie Hand?) Mina is about to deliver the final blow on Globgor, who’s been reunited with Meteora, when Solaria intercepts the blow. Mina asks her why she’s doing this and she just holds Mina’s face in her hands. “You’ve served me valiantly, Mina. But it’s time to rest.” Mina returns to her normal form and looks around and sees how innocent Globgor looks with his family. She runs off into the forest.

The dead queens take a moment to look at their family. Solaria has a touching moment with Eclipsa and her family, showing she accepts it. Jushtin can swoop in and ruffle Eclipsa’s hair, causing them all to laugh. Maybe even Festivia and meet with Eclipsa (just a silent scene), perhaps with a hug from Eclipsa to Festivia. Meanwhile, Star and Moon reunite with Comet. Star finally gets to meet Celena and apologizes to Festivia for destroying her legacy. Star then makes amends with Skywynne, to whom she confesses that she was her favourite grandma. All the queens wave goodbye and are about to leave when Eclipsa stops them. “I know that some of you aren’t my real family, but we were all Queens of Mewni. And this kind of reunion doesn’t happen every day so... will you stay for my coronation?”

It ends the same way the real episode ends, but now we see all the character’s we’ve come to know sitting in the audience (including the queens and including some earth people like Marco’s family). The credits roll as Eclipsa and Globgor continue singing an extended version of their song. The last shot of the show is Star and Marco kissing backstage, with Marco’s cheeks glowing.

-

Some Final Thoughts

I hope you enjoyed! Since I have your attention, I thought I’d justify and explain some of my reasonings for making the changes that I did. If this doesn’t interest you, feel free to click away now

Ending With Globgor’s Freedom

Some of you may be wondering “Why would you free Globgor at the end?! Don’t you want to show how cute he and Eclipsa are?” I do, which is why I extended “The Monster and the Queen” and why I added another flashback episode about them. I want you to think really hard though for one second. After his freedom in the original series, what did he do? He was injured, sure, but that didn’t lead to anything. He was just sort of... there. Did you know that Globgor doesn’t say a SINGLE word in Cleaved? Yeah...

Ending With the Coronation

Think about it. Svtfoe has always been about Star being a magical princess. This is the physical proof that that point in her life is coming to an end, just as the show is coming to an end. When I first watched season 1, I kind of assumed the series would end with Star becoming Queen. After we learned that Eclipsa was still the true heir, it only felt right to end it this way.

Adding “General Loveberry”

This fan made episode was honestly just a way to give the queens voices, but it also helps flesh out Mina’s character and show her descent into madness. She has seen all her fellow solarians die, she has served every queen, give her this recognition!

Making Mina Responsible for Comet’s Death

I had seen this theory floating around, but unfortunately I don’t know who created it. However, I think it adds a valid reason for Moon to turn on Mina. In the original, Moon flips sides too much, and her only reason for betraying Mina is “I didn’t know she would go so far”. HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT? In mine, Mina DOESN’T go that far. She’s ready to do her duty to get rid of Globgor, and that’s all. It’s her past actions that catch up to her.

ALSO it would show Moon that her monster bias wasn’t completely right. I didn’t elaborate too much in the above section, so I’ll do it here. I would make it very clear throughout the series that Moon kind of blames all monsters for Comet’s death, so learning it was actually a Mewman, her trusted general no less, that was truly behind it makes her rethink everything.

Swapping Toffee for Skywynne in “Meteora’s Lesson”

Reason #1 is because I want to hear her voice, and she wouldn’t be in the “General Loveberry” episode. Reason #2 is because I want to see moments of the book addressed in the show. The fact that a queen destroyed a dimension is oddly glossed over in the series. I also think that visiting a past queen is more relevant than visiting Toffee, especially in my rewrite. Originally, Toffee’s appearance felt like fan service, but it kind of reminded people that Toffee wanted magic destroyed. Well now we don’t want to destroy magic, so Toffee can have his appearances in “General Loveberry” and “The Tavern”.

Not Destroying Magic

In my opinion, destroying the magic was NOT a satisfying way to end. Magic had always been a part of this world, so to come to the decision to destroy it  ONE episode in advance, it felt awkward. Keep magic, keep the queens, but now it’s a new generation. A generation where a queen will rule hand in hand with a monster.

Changing “The Spell With No Name” to “Pancake Day”

Is it just me, or did the original episode “The Spell with No Name” feel super over hyped? Like, they foreshadow this horrible destructive spell, and then Eclipsa uses it a few episodes later but nothing happens! There’s no “Oh my corn we need to stop it!” It just flies off, doing who knows what, and it’s never addressed! With my shift to a lighter episode, we get to address something that I assume would be a very real concern for the spells (not being used) and we get to meet some other spells. This also helps ease the audience into the idea of meeting the past queens, so it doesn’t seem as weird when they pop up at the end.

Why not break up Tom and Star even earlier?

I considered breaking up Tom and Star right after the Bloodmoon curse thing, but it felt too rushed. I felt there needed to be time where they're in a relationship, but it’s clear they aren’t super pumped about it. The way I have it, we still get lots of time between their break-up and the finale, plus Star and Marco never actually confirm they are dating. It ends more on the promise of “Let’s see if this works”.

[treatian]

The Chronicles of the Dark One:  The Dark Curse

Chapter 94:  The Queens of Darkness

"No, I don't understand…what, exactly, are you?!"

"His name is Rumpelstiltskin," Maleficent drawled in answer to Cruella's question.

"The Dark One," Ursula added, sounding thoroughly unimpressed.

"He got me hooked on a sleeping potion, how do you know him?" Maleficent questioned.

"He tried to take my family's trident. The question is, how do you not know him?" Ursula answered before turning back to Cruella.

This was a part of the conversation that he'd been prepared for, but not looking forward to. He couldn't just bring three people into a room who had never had any experience with one another and expect them to simply get along and follow his lead. There were bound to be questions. Questions he wanted answered in a certain way and a certain time because the truth was that those questions took time, and time was what they were running out of quickly!

"She's not from around here," he inserted quickly once Cruella opened her mouth. If he didn't control the conversation, then it would run wild, and that was time they couldn't afford to use. He was already surrounded three to one. This was a delicate dance. "She's from another realm entirely, in fact, had to be fetched specifically for this job."

"That odd man works for you?!" Cruella burst out.

"A former associate," he answered. He assumed that by "odd man" she meant Jefferson and that was certainly not a relationship to get into at the moment. It wasn't something he'd planned on addressing, but he was sure to use the word "associate" for an important reason. It let them know he'd worked with other people before. "But enough with the formalities…I have a proposition for you all that I think you'll find most intriguing, in fact, too intriguing to pass up."

"Where you're concerned…not likely," Maleficent sneered.

"I have a problem that requires help from all three of you," he went on, ignoring her and not giving them time to form any kind of bond. He wanted to use them, but the last thing he wanted was for them to see themselves on the same team, a team that didn't include him. It was funny the things that could unite foes, but three people in agreement over something like this could do it. "Shall we discuss this over tea?"

He snapped his fingers and used magic to take them, dogs and all, to another room where a fire was blazing.

"Oh!" Cruella gasped, placing hand over her chest as if she might have a heart attack. Ursula and Maleficent just seemed annoyed. "How did you do that?"

"In this world, magic is more than just halitosis or a parlor trick, dearie," he smiled at her. "I can do all that and more. For example…tea!" He snapped his fingers again, and it appeared before her eyes wide. A realm jumper and now Dark Magic all in one day; he was surprised that she hadn't wet herself, though not surprised to see one of her beasts jump up on the couch to sit beside. Poor Maleficent turned her nose up at it being on her sofa. He was curious. Was the dog protecting her, as Jefferson had said it would? Or was it simply scared for itself?

"Ah…would you care for some?" he questioned, turning and offering a cup to Ursula.

"From you?" she sneered, looking down at it with something like disgust. "Not a chance."

"Good choice, it's probably spiked with something sinister," Maleficent concluded.

"More sinister than you, dearie?" he questioned, turning in her direction.

Maleficent batted her eyelashes at him but never removed her gaze. Simply said, "I'll decline," in a girlish whisper as if she'd been trying to impersonate the princess she'd lost her King too. A tragic tale. But he had noticed that she hadn't kicked him out of her castle yet. That was telling.

"Then that leaves you, dearie…" he offered, turning back to Cruella.

She was doing her best to feign being relaxed, she wanted to be as cool as her other two sister pawns, but her heartbeat betrayed how nervous she actually was. He wasn't surprised when she waved him away and sat back in her seat with her dog.

"Just ate, darling, besides…realm travel and all, it gets to you after a while."

"Very well!" he responded, snapping his fingers and making the tea set disappear again like it had never been there. He took a seat of his own and settled in with ease, but he knew that at the heart of it he was doing the same thing that Cruella was. He was trying to act calm, to maintain the power over the three that he needed, but inside he was potentially more nervous than she was. None of them knew what was on the line for him. If one of them refused to help he could probably work around it but if two or all three of them refused…he'd cross that bridge when he came to it. If he came to it. Until then, he just had to proceed as he'd planned.

"Now then, now that you've met me, I wonder how familiar are you with one another."

"I don't need to be," Maleficent snapped immediately. "I've nothing to do with fish or other realms. I'm sure your both devilish in your own way, but if it doesn't concern King Stefan and his lovely family, I have no need of you."

"Then you are not dreaming big enough, dearie!"

"My dreams are plenty big enough."

He let out a classic high-pitched burst of laughter at her comments. "Heroes…and Villains. I shouldn't need to tell you which the four of us are considered."

"And I am perfectly fine with-"

"Let him speak!" Ursula burst out before she could say another word. She shrugged when Maleficent glared at her.

"You may be perfectly fine with your status, but you don't speak for me."

"Nor me," Cruella chimed in.

"And you don't need to use my home to be taken in by his wild fantasies."

"He says he needs all of us," Cruella insisted.

"You're new here. He says a lot of things. You'll learn that," Maleficent drawled.

"Just hear him out!" Ursula screeched her way.

The three women looked at one another. Cruella and Maleficent gave one another glances of agreement before casting their challenging gazes upon Maleficent. She continued her chilly glare upon them both, and he couldn't have been happier! Already factions were forming. Cruella and Ursula were not "with" him, not exactly. But they were both on the same page and that page was labeled "interested". When they'd first stepped inside this castle there had been four individuals, now those four made three groups: "yes", "no", and "maybe". Considering his end goal was one group of women and himself in the "yes" group, as a separate entity, he was entirely pleased with what he saw happening.

"Fine…talk," Maleficent sneered, looking in his direction.

Perfect.

"There are two kinds of people in the world, and yet both share one dream, a desire for one thing: a happy ending. To see all our hopes and dreams come true! There is only one thing that separates us from the heroes. They get their happy endings. We don't.

"There is a lot more that separates us from them," Maleficent argued.

"Is there?" he questioned. "We battle, and they win—a happy ending for them. Our wants and needs are seen as secondary just because some of our ways to go about getting them are considered 'less than desirable'. They get what they want, they grow stronger, more loved. We don't get what we want, we're branded as 'wrong', 'immoral', and 'monsters'. They have support for their causes, we are cast aside, isolated, flung to the farthest reaches of the realm where we sit and sulk in our lonesome towers while they throw their parties. There is only one difference between us and them," he concluded. "They get what they want, we don't. It is as simple as that, unless…"

"Unless…" Cruella prompted. She was sitting on the edge of her seat, looking more than intrigued at his proposition. And her heartbeat said that she truly wasn't afraid as she had been before or even comfortable as she'd been trying to pretend she was. There was no pretending this time. He had her interest.

"Unless we stop being divided. You have me, Rumpelstiltskin, the greatest wizard that's ever lived. And then there's the three of you, the 'Queens of Darkness' if you will," he pronounced. Cruella visibly shuddered at the name, Ursula stood a little taller, and Maleficent looked away with an eye roll, a reaction typical of her but spoke in volumes. She liked it too; she just didn't want to appear as though she did. "Ursula…the Sea Witch, the powers of the ocean bow to you in all your tentacely glory. Cruella De Vil, questionable as that breath of yours is, you have the ability to command beasts at your will. And speaking of beasts, Maleficent-"

"You'll stop right there," she insisted letting her staff hit the floor with a resounding thud! "They may be willing to give up all their secrets on a whim, but I'm not about to. I'm going to need a lot more information first."

Two down and one…moving in her fellow witches' direction. Maleficent had gone from wanting him and the pair out of her castle to requesting more information. It was a vast improvement that threatened to make him downright giddy. He didn't want to get his hopes up, but it was hard not to when he considered the fact that a few days ago he'd been preparing for Anna's arrival, and now the curse he had hunted for decades was within his grasp in only a few short hours. He was so close he could taste it! But this time, he wasn't going to let that be a distraction to him, not like he had with the hat. He couldn't be careless, he had to focus! If that incident had taught him anything, it was that this wasn't over until he was back in his tower hiding and protecting the curse with spell after spell after spell.

"And how are we going to get that information if you won't let him finish a sentence?" Cruella demanded suddenly.

"You can't speak to me like that in my own home!" Maleficent roared back.

"I just did, darling. Now then…this happy ending shenanigan you're promising us, can you really do that? Are you really that powerful?"

"Yeah, he's powerful, but not that powerful," Maleficent answered quickly.

"No one is," Ursula added.

"Love how you underestimate me. Adorable!" he responded without letting his confidence fail, though, if they could hear his heartbeat now, it would betray him. The small spat between Maleficent and Cruella was a reminder of just how focused he needed to be. Though they'd solved it on their own, for the most part, it just as easily could have gone the other way. He had to maintain his control.

"What exactly are you offering, short stuff?" Cruella questioned.

"Only the answer to all your prayers."

"I'm not exactly the religious sort," she retorted.

"Shocked."

"Look!" All at once and without warning or even foresight on his behalf, she was out of her seat, rushing at him with a cold, steely look in her eyes. She hurdled herself forward until she was right in front of him, mere inches from his face. He didn't allow himself to be shocked or look startled in the least. He'd faced worse than a female devil in heels who could barely keep her clothes on. "I was quite content with my life until I received this summons, and I do not appreciate being dragged around on false promises!"

"Nothing false about it, dearie," he stated rising to his feet so they were nearly nose to nose. "I know exactly what you want, and you," he added looking at Ursula, who straightened her back and looked interested, before he turned to look at Maleficent, "and you." She looked less than interested.

"Really?" she questioned skeptically.

"Really."

It was a lie. An outright lie. In truth, he knew very little about the three of them compared to what he knew about people he typically made deals with. For two of them, he could probably take a fairly accurate guesses as to what they really wanted, for Cruella he couldn't even begin to guess what she'd want aside from a dog groomer, that would take time. The only honest thing he knew about all of them is that they were villains in this great story Merlin had put them in, they were villains like him, and that meant that they wanted something. If nothing else, he could use that and ask the Seer for information later.

"But don't worry," he added, moving around her and back into the center of their small circle. "I'm not one to betray trusts, so your secrets can remain your own. What I will share is what we all have in common...a desire for happiness, a desire to do what villains can never do: to win." He let that sit for a moment. He didn't need to know what they wanted most of all, only they did. They needed to know. They needed to let the potential of it fill them up so that they could picture it in their heads and get hooked on the idea of having it all as so many villains like themselves did. "And I'm here to show you how, together."

"Even if we would work together, no spell known to man or woman can do what you're saying."

"Of course not, dearie!" he corrected, turning to look at his hardest sell. After all these years he'd thought that getting Regina to come by and help her extract her revenge on dear Aurora might have lessened the sting of what she'd asked him to do all those years ago. But alas, sometimes the one negative in being the orchestrator of all his deeds meant that they went unnoticed and unappreciated. "But we're not looking for a spell. We're looking for a curse. A dark curse," he clarified, turning to the rest of the group. "One that, if you help procure it, can get each and every one of you exactly what you want. Your..." he said to Cruella before turning to Ursula, "happy..." finally, he turned to the tricky one, the dragon "ending."

With all of them staring at him, he took his seat. It wasn't the easiest thing in the room to work a deal with three people at the same time, but he was confident he'd done it at least with two of them. Maleficent seemed a bit more…distrusting. Her head was cocked to the side, and he could see the wheels in that horned head of hers turning. They were so close, just a single word from any would do it now. Finally, Maleficent stepped forward, her staff making a clunking sound every time it hit the floor, echoing over and over in the stone room. When she stood toe to toe with him and towered above his resting form her eyes narrowed, and he nearly shivered. It was a shame. Picturesque as they were, she might have made an excellent leader of this group; if it weren't for him.

"Prove it," the dragon demanded in a quiet but menacing tone.

He smiled. Mission accomplished.

"Gladly."

[darkmindsthinktwistedthoughts]

WRITE SOMETHING FOR ME AERION!! (surprise me)

O.O @notsafefortum-blr the lack of detail in this request is ... well unique. Thank you for continuing to support me ^^; let's see...

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The twelves realms is a strange and amazing place. There are things here that are known and things that are not. Of all the things that are unknown the reflection pool is one of them. 

Water can be a fickle substance. It can reflect anything, the image before it, imaginings and musings of dark and twisted minds, greatest desires... fears. The reflection pool, however, was something more akin to an oracle. And today its waters swirled as its lustrous water danced and painted a reflection of something in one possible future.

---

Limbo Castle had been buzzing with activity for days. This was thanks to some news of a long-awaited visit. 

“You are going to wear a grove in the stones.” Ieyasu commented as he watched Orion pace back and forth. The only time he had seen anyone more unsettled was when Nobu had disappeared with Masa and Mitsuhide for a long weekend and wouldn’t tell the castle mother where.

“Can you blame me? It has been an age since they have come.” Orion replied as he checked the clock for what felt like the millionth time that morning.

“It has been 2 weeks.” Ieyasu rolled his eyes, but he too glanced at the clock once more.

“2 weeks too long.” 

“I understand but you know what duties they have. It has been difficult rebuilding the structure of things and now they have almost twice the work on top of that waiting for them at home.” Sadie joined in the conversation from her seat by the window that overlooked the courtyard. 

The weather was perfect today. She smiled warmly as she felt the energies outside in the atmosphere, she had created the perfect weather this morning in Limbo.

“I wish they would consider the offer I gave them. I hate the idea I’m missing seeing something.” Orion commented again on his idea that they should all just move permanently into the realm. It was an idea and of course one that would have been welcomed but it was not practical.

“We all do. It isn’t just you how has become attached to that quartet you know?” Yuki piped up as he came through one of the doorways from the gardens. 

“He’s right. We all adore them. Family is family after all.” Kennyo, who had up to that point resembled a statue as he meditated in the corner of the room finally opened his eyes.

Sadie sat peacefully allowing the warm, loving emotions from the bond to wash over her as she drank her coffee. 

“You seem happy Fireball.” Nobu who had been reclining behind the Princess in his own chair gazed at her with his crimson orbs.

“Naturally. As Kennyo said, Family is family.” Sadie smiled placing her now empty cup down next to her.

A claxon rang out in the hall. The gates were active and one was attempting to make the connection to limbo. 

“They’re here.” Orion all but flew out of the chamber nearly knocking Yuki off his feet in the process.

“Hey watch it!”

---

The gates on the edge of Limbo Castle’s grounds stood proudly in the landscape. Each had its own intricate design and one particular golden gate etched in ornate flowing palm leaves was shimmering. The gate from Heaven was activated.

Sadie knew who was using it. She closed her eyes and saw. She could see it all and felt even more. With a smile on her face, she redirected the travellers to the main corridor of Limbo Castle allowing them the luxury of avoiding the walk. It was Limbo’s version of rolling out the red carpet. 

---

Doors along the corridor opened to reveal the justicars that had not been in the audience chamber waiting. 

Masa had some flour sprayed down his front as he emerged from the kitchen. Mitsuhide was leaning against the door frame of his room playing around with one of his boxes from his collection of horror novelties. 

Hideyoshi had placed the paperwork he had been sorting on the desk in the office and was leaving the room so he could join the welcoming committee in the hallway. 

Shingen and Kenshin had put aside their latest card game and Sasuke appeared seemingly out of thin air at Sadie’s side pushing his glasses back up on the bridge of his nose.

“This should be interesting.” Sasuke said with his usual lack of intonation  

“Goodbye, quiet morning.” 

“Come now Kennyo. You wouldn’t have this any other way.” Sadie chuckled.

“I must admit it would be difficult to imagine a certain Angel’s ability to remain quiet even if someone cursed her.” Kennyo spoke matter of factly. 

They all knew which Angel he was referring too and he was possibly right. That being said it was one of the qualities she possessed that they all loved about her. The family circle had grown over the years in Limbo since that night with the sigil in the mustard. 

Never in a million years did Sadie imagine she should find herself here. 13 creatures that held her heart, demons... devils, and an angel. Waiting for the arrival of her Sister in law, another angel with her own family unit in tow.

There was a loud crack and pop followed by what looked to be a blur of movement. The only sound to give away what the shape surging towards them all was, was the loud squealing and laughter. 

A small angel with soft golden wings and a crop of fiery red hair on his head ran happily pushing a smaller angel with fluffy white wings and long hair the colour of starlight at full speed along the stone floor. A couple of the men gathered were forced to jump out of the way of the two little angels as they continued on their path to who knew where. 

Another crack and pop followed by a larger blur, this one in part flight appeared.  

“Get back here you two little monsters.” Aerion’s voice called out as she swooped past them. Her wings slightly a light with a soft flame and her hair a little longer now flowing in the breeze as it whipped around her.

“Aerion!?” Orion called out to his sister as she managed to tap his head with her wing in passing.

“No running in the halls!” Hideyoshi’s familiar cry rang out over the collective laughter at the sight of the families arrival. 

“Hi guys!... Bye guys!” Aerion shouted back over her shoulder. “ Alcaeus! Saffi!”

The last to arrive was a slightly tired looking Uriel. Hideyoshi walked to his side and took charge of the bags he was carrying. 

“By the twelve Uriel, what do you have in here?” Hideyoshi’s eyes widened as the weight of the bags took him by surprise.

“Don’t ask. Children have a lot of stuff.” Uriel gave a self-deprecating laugh as he lightly shook his head.

“Welcome home.”

“It’s good to finally be back... Sadie.”

---

[bailesu]

Another story excerpt for Ladies Legendarium April 2019

This is another excerpt from Neon Genesis Silmarillion, in which Rei brings down the wrath of Findulias on her head.  World Two in this is the world of dreams.

Long so it’s below a cut.

Rei’s fea slipped silently through World Two, forcing it into the form of a forest where every clearing was a dream or a story or a myth.  Long trails connected them together in ways that even she often could not predict, though her ring guided her always towards what she thought. She usually made it a sea, but feared she might encounter Lars and this trip, she had to make alone.

The trees parted, becoming a mixture of beech and maple trees with many flowers scattered about in small clumps, white, red, and blue.  The blue flowers smelled like honey and Rei couldn’t stop herself kneeling and sniffing one of them, before moving on.

She’d already been to several places tonight, but this was her second to last stop.  Two people walked together under the trees, a tall dark haired man who bore a black blade at his hip and a blonde woman, slender and tall, though a touch shorter than the man.  They both wore fancy clothing of a kind you would not wear into the woods normally, or so Rei assumed.  But they knew no fear as they walked together; she carried a wicker basket, out of which a wine bottle peeked its neck and cork.

Rei could see the way each moved, his long strides eating up the ground, then slowing down so he didn’t leave her behind, her moving with a slow, sinuous grace which Rei had only ever seen in professional dancers.  Or Hedda and Shinobu.  

Rei could not help but try to imitate it, studying how she moved; there was a confidence in it and a beauty.  Her smile was wide and trusting in a way Rei didn’t think she’d ever experienced herself.  Maybe when she was little.  Before her great mistake.

But she had been terrible then.

The man smiled, but it did not touch his eyes.  They were alert, darting about; she felt safe, but he did not.  He turned every so often to smile at her, to chivvy her into moving quicker, but his hand always hovered near the hilt of his blade.  She was innocent and his innocence died long ago and Rei felt a sudden ache for him.

Was there any man more tragic than this?  For this was Turin Turambar, one of the greatest of elf-friends among mortal men but also the most broken.  In him, the Elves saw all their own flaws and strengths. Wise and strong and brave and honest, a man who was above petty lusts and hungers.  But rising above  the physical sins of men did not protect them or him from the spiritual sins and those sins could do far more damage.  

His pride and hubris had destroyed everything he loved and even things he merely liked.  Friend and foe alike had been dragged down to ruin.

And somehow, he had turned Finduilas from her destiny to fall in love with him, though he did not love her as a man may love a woman, but only as a brother loves a sister.  How?  How could destiny go so astray?  How could he evoke in her what he did not feel himself?

Rei had to understand.  Her desires warred with her will and with each other and she had to understand.  There must be someone meant for me, she thought.  Yet I feel these desires for people who could not be the one.  And not even for one person who is not the one, but *many*. How could my heart be so fickle, she wondered.  It horrified her.

Turin froze and then pulled Finduilas close to him, nearly mashing her face into his chest and though he could not see it, Rei could see her turn a little red, her eyes widening.  Her lips began to move and then he drew his sword.  It let forth a happy groan like a hungry man shown a feast.  The sound of it made Rei shiver, though she quickly stilled herself.  “Show yourself!” he said angrily.  “None shall threaten the Princess of Nargothrond and live!”

“Turin,” Finduilas said softly; a human would never have heard her joy, but Rei did with her keen Eldar hearing.  

And now that she was no longer lost in her own thought, Rei heard other movement among the trees.  She remained still; interacting with the environment would draw her in and turn events off down a new road and she did not have time to wait for this tale to reset itself.

Nevertheless, she touched Orcrist, just in case.  It was ready to her use, slung on her hip.  And she now changed her clothing into NERV style armor. Then she drew out the blade, just a little and it glowed blue.

Slowly, Turin backed up, still holding Finduilas close to his flesh, turning back and forth to watch for danger, as she clung to  him and moved in perfect unison with him.  It was almost like a dance and seeing their ease together made Rei’s heart ache, knowing their doom and knowing there was none she could be so at ease with, though there were people she cared for, people she was attracted to.

Even with her mother, they were not that close, not in the way these two knew each other’s every move.  How could that not be love?  How could Turin reject that?  Why did he not love her?  Why had he turned instead to his own sister?

Did she do something wrong?  Was his destiny so strong?  And why a destiny of self-destruction?  How could such suffering be bound into the fate of the world?

Then there was a roar and a large lizard creature rushed out of the trees, its scales glittering in the sunlight, red and orange with a long black stripe down its back where it had huge triangular spikes along its spine and down its long tail.  Rei estimated it was nearly as long as four grown men placed head to foot.  It reminded Rei of a stegosaurus, but its mouth had teeth for chewing meat, not the flat plant crushers of a normal one.  She felt proud of herself for recognizing that; she’d been trying to improve her biological knowledge.  

Asuka probably would have known from the roar, Rei thought, and she frowned and forced herself out of her own head.

“Up,” Turin said to Finduilas, who kicked off her slippers and ran to the tree, pulling out a length of rope and tying one end to the basket. Then she threw one end of it at a higher branch; it looped around the branch, somehow tying itself and then she used it to help her fumblingly climb the tree, after which she pulled the basket up after herself.

Turin dodged the creature’s first rush and the glob of black liquid it spat at him which hit a tree and began searing away its bark.  His blade parted the scales on one side of it, and it bled more of the black fluid, though this ran clear and slow instead of being mixed with mucous.  Then it cracked itself like a whip and its tail hit Turin, flinging him into a tree, though it bled more when it did so.

Turin bled now, but as he rose, a light shone in his eyes and he sneered. “Spawn of Morgoth, you will find I am not so easily put an end to.”

“Turin, you’re hurt,” Finduilas announced, horrified.

Rei twitched, feeling the urge, the instinct to intervene.  But she would not.  This was only a tale which told itself over and over here, and she would see it through to the end.

The tree it had spat on began to shake; the acid was fading now but it had turned a large chunk of the tree into sludge.  Turin leaped and kicked the tree and it fell down onto the creature, which began trying to get out from under it, spitting acid wildly until it could spit no more and as it did, Turin scampered through the branches, stabbing it repeatedly.

But then it threw off the tree and Turin tumbled again and the creature rushed at him as he rose, then realized he had dropped his moaning blade.

Rei had never seen or even heard of this specific tale before and did not know how it ended.  How could he survive this?  

Unless she acted, but then she would be drawn in.

He was only a dream.  Not real.

He ran for his sword, but the creature was quicker; only it using up its acid spit was saving him right now.  But its powerful limbs ate up the ground and there would be no escape for Turin.

But this was not how the story went and Rei did not understand.   He could not die at the hands of some random failed effort at making a dragon, or whatever it was.  Some twisted creature of the earliest days drawn to Morgoth’s service?  Some petty spirit descended to animal wrath?

Shouldn’t she have guards?  She was a princess, what was she doing wandering around in the woods away from home with only Turin by her side, anyway???

Finduilas looked horrified; she was crying and her body shook; Rei could feel her guilt with the ring and she understood.  Finduilas had wanted privacy with Turin, so she’d arranged for them to go off alone and now he was paying the price.

I should not intervene, Rei told herself.  If I step in, it changes the story and I will not be able to understand.

Time seemed to slow itself; Rei’s imagination drew arrows, showing how and where the monster would reach Turin.  Far short of his far-flung blade, which was now stuck into a tree.

He would die.  But he would gladly die to defend her, though she was not the one.  Not as he saw it.

She saw Jet Alone fighting Tiamat, all her heads chewing into it, tearing it apart, Pilot Rousseau risking everything to stop Tiamat and protect her.  HER.  When he was a human and could not return to this world if he died, while she was expendable.  If she died, her fea remained bound to this world and would take new flesh.  But if he died, she would never see him again.

Rei could not sit and watch this happen again.

Flesh rippled here, for her form was only the reflection of her will.  She became taller and stronger, much taller, though not as much stronger as she’d expected, her skin now tanned instead of pale, her blue hair turning long and brown.  She hid Orcrist within an illusion and summoned forth a bow and took aim, putting an arrow where the creature’s eyes would soon be.  The eye burst like a balloon, white and black fluids mixing and oozing down its face and then Turin stopped short, falling hard into the ground but the creature, unable to stop its charge, rushed past him and collided with a tree, which fell, knocking down another, but even as it rose, Turin scampered over and seized his blade.

Then the creature turned and rushed at Rei, though she no longer resembled herself.  To do this was dangerous, for you could lose yourself in the role.  She rarely did it, and especially not as a man.  But he was the first archer she thought of, and one adept to this tale.

She shot out its other eye, then scrambled into a tree, holding herself still, while it stalked around, trying to feel out vibrations she suspected.  She gestured at Turin to stop moving even as he started over.  He stared at her, mouth open wide, eyes unable to blink and she put a finger to her lips.

This would hurt him so much.

He was just a dream.

She had to do *something*.

It was too late now, the die was cast.  

The creature began to thrash, striking trees, and Rei began to leap between trees, letting the creature hit them and using it as cover for her own leaps.  Soon she was close to Turin and she secured rope from her pack on the branch and let Turin climb up to her.  

“Beleg… how…”  Turin shivered and looked ill, glancing at him but unable to look him in the face.

“Turin, my friend, we are bound to this world. When we die, we pass to the Halls of Mandos, where we rest until new flesh is given to us.  We do not pass out of this world as you will one day,” Rei said urgently to him.  She had not intended to put a hand on his shoulder but she did anyway.  Taking on a role was dangerous.  It was easy to trap yourself in it until the dream reached its end.  “And so I have returned.”

The creature continued to thrash around, smashing trees, but slowly wandering away from them.  Carefully, they moved tree to tree, Turin still shaking, until they reached where Finduilas sat on a branch, holding the wine bottle.

“Turin!” she cried out and embraced him.

And now the creature turned and began to come their way, faster and faster.  “Beleg, get her to safety, I will deal with this foul beast,” Turin said determinedly.

“Turin, you should…” Rei began.

“I will not lose you again,” Turin said fiercely and cried like all the demons of hell as he launched himself through the air, sword in his hand, his voice matching its howling, master and blade united in purpose.

Rei lifted Finduilas and began to leap tree to tree, crossing distances she could not in her own body; this form was so powerful, though it felt so strange to be a man.  But even Touji did not make the leaps she could here.  The air was full of spiritual power; was it just that this was itself a dream within World Two?

The creature thrashed around, and then Gurthang, Turin’s blade, struck, severing the creature’s spine and rendering it paralyzed behind. It threw Turin aside but now it could only drag itself and Turin recovered, attacking its rear, hacking and stabbing and slicing as it tried too slowly to turn, until finally, it died.

Then he stumbled back and fell, laying in mashed, torn grass, crushing flowers beneath him and laughing and crying at once, looking as if he had gone utterly mad.

“Turin!” Finduilas cried and tried to leap from Rei’s arms, but Rei restrained Finduilas, who she suspected couldn’t handle the jump.

Instead, Rei leaped lightly to the ground and then released Finduilas to run forward and embrace him.  “Turin, Turin, Turin!”

Rei tried to figure out what to do.  The dream would likely not reset tonight.  She’d already wrecked its course.  She had other things to do.  But to just vanish on him… that was not an option either.

Even if he wasn’t real.

“I’m here.  I must be lost in some delusion,” Turin said, holding her tightly and bleeding on her a little, for his wounds had grown worse from his exertion.  “I thought Beleg was here, my sin undone.  Its wound must have been poisonous.”  He cried on her shoulder and it made Rei squirm to see it.  “Beleg,” he cried out in agony.

But it also gave her an opening to slip away.  

She was starting to do so when she suddenly heard Finduilas’ voice echoing in the heavens.  Older and much angrier.  WHO ARE YOU?

Rei had a sudden sinking feeling.  This wasn’t a dream spawned of myth or the memories of the Eldar.  Not a normal one.  Finduilas, the real one, who yet lived in Valinor, had made this by accident or by choice and by ill-chance or fate, Rei had stumbled into it.

Which was why she’d never heard of this story at all before.

She kept up the role; it would hide her identity and she could shed it for another once she reached another dream and hide there.  Or try to make it to some other safe haven.  Hopefully, her foe would not have the lore to chase her far.

Then she ran but now vines reached out for her and trees moved to obstruct her path, and the edge of the dream, once so close, moved away as her foe fought her effort to escape.  She could hear footsteps, someone running after her, and the sun set and the stars came out.  But she could see well by starlight, well enough to reach the edge of the dream as her foe pursued her and burst through it with the help of Orcrist.  Her foe cried out in frustration, but then shouted again in anger.

She made World Two a sea and found a sailing ship onto which she leaped and whistled up a wind, setting out to sea.  But now she could see another such ship sail after her and it was faster than hers.

However, the ship also wobbled about in the wind; it was clear that while Finduilas was strong, she was not as experienced with ships as Rei, though Rei’s experience was almost entirely in dreams.

But this was the sea in which all dreams were islands, just as the forest had all dreams as clearings and the mountains all dreams as mountain peaks or valleys.  

She sent out clarion calls for aid, knowing that eventually Finduilas would find some way to twist this to her advantage.  She looked older than the dream and far angrier and she dressed more for the hunt than the palace.  But Rei knew it was her and now felt both guilty and desperate.

She will take me back to Valinor and I will never be allowed to return, Rei knew.  She could not bear to abandon everyone.  

She cut through several sailing dreams, including the middle of some sort of major yacht race, but Finduilas continued to grow closer, relentlessly moving in on her.  They were only a few lengths apart and Finduilas was shouting angrily at her in Sindarin.  But Rei could only somewhat understand it, as she’d not studied it enough; within a dream, she could understand any language, though not in the waking. It was part of her talent.

And then, distantly, she saw a light, shining silver in the distance, and felt power coming her way.  She made for it, hoping it was Lars or Mother or anyone.  

Suddenly, there was a reef in her path and she nearly beached herself on it, forcing her to dodge.  Finduilas smiled grimly and went right through it and now rocks and other hazards kept appearing, forcing Rei to dodge and weave while they parted harmlessly for her pursuer, who continued to shout angrily at her.

And Rei realized she’d lost her role; her true self was open for the world to see.  She wasn’t even sure when she’d lost it.  

But she made for the light, her only hope.

And then a giant eagle suddenly dove down out of the sun, where neither she nor Finduilas had been able to see it and seized Rei even as her ship foundered.  Hikari, clad in NERV armor, rode on its back and Rei could see a long silver line of light running from her to Lars’ ship, where Lars stood at the helm and her mother at the front of the ship, holding her ring up like a beacon, silver light parting the seas before them as she came on.

Finduilas shouted something about Manwe in utter shock and then the eagle dropped Rei onto the deck of the ship and landed; Hikari embraced him around the neck and whispered in his ear and they circled over the ship, still leashed to it by the thin silver thread which tied to Rei’s mother’s ring.

“Name yourself!” Rei’s mother shouted, her voice churning over the turbulent, shallow ocean.  Her Quenya had a strong Japanese accent and the emphasis was all wrong.  

Finduilas stood at the helm of her ship, standing defiantly in turn.  Rei could see her better now that she had time to think; green and brown hunting garb had become green robes and there was a crown on Finduilas’ brow, silver set with a yellow topaz, an opal, and a brown chalcedony.  She wore a ring on her left ring finger, a gold band set with an opal which matched the one in her crown.   “I am Finduilas, daughter of King Orodreth of Nargothrond and Queen Vanimawen of Nargothrond.  I claim descent from both Noldor and Vanyar,” Finduilas said.  “Name yourself!”

“I hight Nolwecuruni,” Rei’s mother said and Rei started, staring at her.  Only now did she see her mother wore a long yellow dress of several layers with black trim; only a few hints showed the innermost layer was brown.  She wore a pointed, broad brimmed hat and stood now with a staff in one hand.  “I am the Good Witch of the East!”

Rei felt a memory tickle her, books she’d read as a child and the movie.  She could not help but smile and now she touched her mother’s mind and joined her strength to hers.  Her fear was gone now.

“I will not excuse anyone who harasses my daughter!” Rei’s mother shouted, striking the deck with her staff and thunder echoed above as clouds began to form. “Return to your own lands, intruder!”

“You invaded my haven and played with my emotions for your own amusement!” Finduilas said angrily in Quenya.  “You began this, but I will finish it!”

And then she began to sing and the storm grew uglier and marched against them and Rei sang back, her mother giving her strength and now the sea became a turbulent mess.  But Lars’ steady hand rode before the storm and Hikari’s eagle glided through the winds, guided by her sight, and now the waves rose against Finduilas’ ship and she looked sore amazed.

Rei’s talent and Ritsuko’s power was too much for her, and now Finduilas turned her ship around and ran before the wind, fleeing across the world of dreams.

“Let her go,” Rei said softly, sighing and sagging against her mother. “She is right, I hurt her feelings because I could not hold back from meddling.”

“Rei, why did you go seeking her dreams?  And I thought Eldar didn’t normally dream,” Rei’s mother said, sounding angry and confused.

“I did not intend it to be a dream with anyone *in* it.  I just needed to understand,” Rei said weakly.

“It’s okay,” Lars said, hand on her shoulder. “You’re safe now.”

“Rei, you need to be careful; we cannot afford to lose you,” Rei’s mother said chidingly to Rei, who stared at the deck, shuffling on her feet and slumping.  

Hikari now landed on the deck and dismounted, embracing her steed, who now rose and flew away after Hikari fed him a fish.  “Rei, are you okay?” she said, worried.

“I am fine, I merely stuck my head in a lion’s mouth,” Rei said ruefully. “She outmastered me at my own skill,” Rei said.  Her head slumped.  “Again,” she whispered.

“Shinobu could never come here and do this,” Rei’s mother said comfortingly, patting Rei’s shoulder.  “Lars, let’s go home.” She turned to Rei. “I could never have reached you without Lars’ help.  I would be lost and probably stuck watching Misato sleep with someone or something even worse.”  She rubbed her forehead, nearly knocking her hat off.

Rei still felt frustrated.  There is something I must be doing wrong and I do not even know what, she thought.  But she took her mother’s hand and held it, then kissed Lars softly.  “Thank you, Lars, you are always the rock on which I can depend.”

He smiled warmly, though there was a sadness in his eyes.  “You too, Rei. Let’s get us home.”

She went with him to guide them home.

*****************

Celeborn was woken from his nightly reverie by one of his servants. “Sir, Lady Finduilas wishes to speak to you urgently.”

“At this hour?” he said groggily.  

“She says it is very urgent, sir, but did not trust any of us enough to tell us why.”  He sounded annoyed by this.  Aseaquetta was a brown-haired Noldor; it felt odd to Celeborn to be served by one of the Noldor but he had attracted some after his coming to Valinor.  

News of Galadriel, perhaps, Celeborn thought.  He could very dimly feel her and what little he could feel seemed to indicate she was not in any danger or sorrow.  “Very well,” he said and threw on a robe; he didn’t want to be seen in his nightclothes, especially since in the current heat wave, he was mostly naked, which was undignified.

Then he went to the viewing room where the strange lens device was mounted on a small, high table.  “Hello, niece,” he said to her; she was in her night clothes to his surprise, though she still wore that ring.  He never knew if he respected her devotion or considered her a fool to cling to the impossible.  Both, maybe.

“I encountered a ringbearer with an active ring,” she said urgently. “You must check on Nenya.”

“Go,” he told Aseaquetta, who ran off deeper into the house.

“Tell me of this ringbearer,” he said, and listened to her tale as Aseaquetta ran off.  By the time she finished, he returned.

“It still slumbers without a hint of light or power,” Aseaquetta said calmly.

Celeborn felt muscles he hadn’t known were tense now relax.  Finduilas let out a deep sigh, rocking on her heels.  “So she spoke strangely accented Quenya and had an Elven daughter when she herself was human,” he said slowly, thinking.

“She may have been one of us as well, but I could not tell; she did not feel like us, but she had the power of one, at least with her Ring. Enough to out-master me, though it might be different in the waking,” Finduilas said, starting to pace, slowly and deliberately; physically, she still looked like an Elf of the first stage of life, yet in some ways acted like one of the third stage.  She was an oddity in Elven society in that way.

“Some small part of my brain wonders if this is somehow Sauruman, who I know tried to make his own ring,” Celeborn speculated.  “Perhaps he has returned and begun making rings.”

They both grimaced at that thought.

“So you think that whether or not she is Eldar, her ‘daughter’ is,” Celeborn said hesitantly, wanting to be sure he understood.

“And versed in the lore of Irmo and Lorien, if not able to handle me.  But she knew enough to know how best to drive a spike into Turin’s heart, even if he was only a dream,” Finduilas said angrily, then sighed.  “Go ahead and lecture me now.”

“Not tonight,” Celeborn said.  He missed Galadriel’s presence; she would know what to do.  

Morefindesse was very slender with long raven locks of hair, elaborately coiffed; she was always concerned with fashion and dress.  She now came into sight, fancily dressed despite it being the middle of the night, and now she began to brush out Finduilas’ tangled hair.

“I had best go and contact the others, to see if anyone knows anything,” Finduilas said, sighing. “Good night, Uncle.”

“Good night, my niece,” he told her and soon was back in bed, wondering what was going on here.

[calliecat93]

RWBY V6 CH8 Review: Dead End

Last week, Kerry revealed that the finale would take place on January 26th, which since this week was a holiday, totals to a 13 episode season. It's one episode short from last year, but hey 13 is a standard number for an anime season, so fair enough. Also sorry that this took so long, I had... stuff happen with the blog the past few days. But it's fixed now, I posted Chapter 7 yesterday, and now it's time to cover Chapter 8! Lets get to it!

Overview

Team RWBY, Qrow, and Maria at at Argus' military base, but are denied access by the... bizarre twin guards. I think that they may be based on The Cards form Alice in Wonderland, and it'll be more clear why in a bit. The heroes are forced to play the Weiss Schnee card, and it gets the guards to agree to fetch their commanding officer. But to the ire of all the Winter fans out there... it's not her. Maria thinks that she knows who it is though, and they happen to be enemies because said CO put Maria on the advanced screening list for life for taking cashews on a flight. Sheesh. But hey, maybe Maria's right and she's dead! Funniest moment of the episode BTW.

The CO of the Argus base is an egotistical elderly woman known as Caroline Cordovan. She displays much of the attitude that we expect from Atlas characters. Egotistical, boastful, authoritarian, and sees Atlas as the greatest kingdom of all. She had already refused to help JNR, who are also there, and it's pretty clear that she's not going to help the group still. They try to reason with her by explaining that they know that Atlas isn't at fault for Beacon, but it only makes it worst. Cordovan DOES offer to take Weiss home if she's come to her senses... but isn't going to do the same for her friends of 'questionable nature' while looking at Blake. Wow, she's a racist. Lovely. When Weiss questions this, Cordovan slams the gates int heir faces. I agree with Maria's previous sentiment, she's a she-devil. I'm pretty sure that she's supposed to be the Queen of Hearts considering her personality, which would explain the guards being the Cards.

With the plan reaching... well, a dead end, Qrow calls it quits and goes to drink. So he obviously learned nothing form Brunswick! JNR just suggests coming up with a plan without him, pointing out that they still have Ozpin. Que an awkward beat and we cut to later... where Jaune punches a hole in his sister's wall. I hope she has home insurance. So yeah... JNR doesn't take the truth well. Even Nora is pissed off. I'm... mixed about this. It's very understandable for them to be angry and upset, especially considering they lost Pyrrha due to this. But it does bring up a minor critique I have. The response to Salem being un-killable and Ozpin not having a true plan have all ha done reaction: anger and giving up. Some took ti worst than others, but it's still the same. The only one who hasn't is Ruby, which helps but it makes the fact that no one is wondering 'well maybe we can win without killing Salem' or 'maybe we can ask Jinn if there's a way to defeat Salem and not destroy her' hasn't been brought up once. It gets annoying when, even though you understand why everyone is reacting the way that they are, no one has had any logical thought since and continue to spew in their negativity, like Qrow is. All I'm saying is let the reactions be a bit more diverse, if only to keep this from getting either predictable or just irritating.

Oscar tries to calm everyone down, pointing out that they aren't the bad guys in this. Jaune questions this however before storming over to Oscar, wanting to know if he had known about this the whole time. Even when Weiss tries to say he didn't, Jaune grabs the farmboy and slams him into the wall, questioning where his loyalties stand and even if it's even Oscar that they're talking to. Throughout, Oscar is clearly terrified and it only ends when Ruby calls out Jaune. To the paladin's credit, this get shim to realize what he's doing and is clearly horrified. He backs away before going upstairs, Nora and Ren soon following and wanting to be left alone. The RWBY girls also scatter, leaving a clearly distraught Oscar. Great for none of you to check if he's okay or not. Doing a bang up job ladies.

As the others go to get food, Ruby goes outside to an absolutely beautiful butterfly garden. She's trying to call Qrow to find out where he is, but she gets nothing and throws her Scroll in frustration. It's clear that all of this is beginning to get to Ruby, something that Maria, who had gone back there to avoid the yelling, sees as well. Ruby explains how with everything happening, she's at a loss of what to do. Maria can't help with that, or at least she can't without it defeating the purpose, but she does offer to help Ruby feel better if she's sick of not knowing about things. Yes my friends, we are FINALLY going to talk about the Silver Eyes! I have waited for this for so long!!!

When Ruby explains what she does know, aka more or less nothing Maria explains that there isn't much known about the bloodline. She was lucky as she was trained by her father, who we can assume was also a Silver Eyed Warrior. He taught Maria all that she knew and it led her to scoring higher on the Huntress Exam than any other applicant without having to even attend one of the academies. But if the Silver Eyes are so powerful, why are they so rare? Simple, they were hunted down and killed by Salem. This is why Maria took on a masked persona and hid things such as her name, to hide her powers and not be a target. Of course, we all know how that ended, and Maria credits her survival to both her training and her Semblance. The latter is revealed to be what she dubs Preflexes, which is more or less Spider Man's Spidey Sense. She can sense things before they happen and can be one move ahead of her opponent due to it. Awesome!

Ruby is all set to learn to vaporize monsters with her eyeballs... which earns her a bonk on the head. I guess Maria attended the Rafiki School of Mentorship. The Silver Eyes aren't fueled by the desire to destroy Grimm, it is powered by the desire to protect people. On every case where Ruby used the powers thus far (Pyrrha's death, Jaune facing Cinder, The Apathy), she did so because she was trying to save someone and it allowed her to freeze the Wythern and vaporize the Apathy.  Maria goes on to explain that where the Grimm were created by the God of Darkness, the light of the Silver Eyes comes form his brother, the God of Creation. How does Maria know this? Well remember in Jinn's vision when the God turned into the dragon for the first time? We saw a burst of light that vaporized the Grimm. I thought that was just the effects of the transformation.. wow I feel stupid! That is an awesome detail!

Now since the light only effects Grimm, any training that Ruby can get is going to be a trial by fire. But Maria does suggest that the young huntress can work to create a mindset that she can turn to in order to unleash the power when she needs to. But Ruby is confused by something. The light on works on Grimm, right? Well if you recall, Ruby was able to use it on Cinder back in Haven... IDK how she remembers this since Emerald knocked her out immediately, but still. Now we all know why that is, but Ruby doesn't. Which has Maria suggest that maybe there's something that the huntress isn't seeing. But anymore talk comes to an end as Ruby and JNR are informed that Oscar has gone missing. Well... shit.

Review

Of the episodes so far, it's safe to say that this may be the weakest. But only in terms of it being an exposition/build-up episode instead of an action episode or something along those lines. I can't call it bad though as a lot of good came out of this episode. The first half was pretty dang funny. Caroline is terrible, but her boastful personality makes her entertaining to watch at the very least. Maria was comedy gold here with her rant about the cashews and the 'Maybe she's dead!” line. Again, funniest moment in the episode. It's nice that we got to have a couple of laughs before the heavy stuff came back in because... haha, IDT we're going to be having many more light-heated moments in these last five episodes. Call it a hunch.

As I said, while I would like for the group to have some cold hard logic hit them already, Team JNR's reactions are completely understandable. Jaune especially. Really, he's got the most reason out of everyone aside form maybe Qrow to be angry. Remember, Pyrrha got killed because of this and even she wasn't aware of all the details when the whole Fall Maiden thing happened. We can argue about the circumstances all that we want, Pyrrha still died trying to do what was right, and ever since everything that Jaune has done has been to not let her death be in vain. So finding out that all of that was for nothing? I can't blame him for being angry or how he reacted. Am I defending him? Hell no. Oscar did NOTHING wrong. The way that Jaune manhandled him was horrifying and seeing this young kid clearly terrified was just wrong. But it still makes sense hwy Jaune reacted that way all things considered, and to his credit he DID realize what he was doing and stopped. And we find out that Oscar is gone, it is very clear that Jaune feels remorseful for taking his anger out on Oscar and of what could happen to him now. Out of everyone so far aside from Oscar, I sympathize with Jaune the most.

Who I have lost my sympathy for however is Qrow. He is just...a  mess. Brunswick was bad enough, but now? Look, I know how hard it is to let go of addiction, especially considering how bad of a mental state that Qrow is in. But after how his drinking caused him to be so out of it that he failed to realize that the kids that he's responsible for to get killed, it's becoming more and more difficult to feel bad for him. He SAW what his carelessness could have led to, and even now he hasn't learned. Because of it, Ruby has to be the adult trying to keep everyone going despite all the circumstances, and she has to try and find him on top of everything else. It's at the point where this can't go unaddressed anymore. Ruby or someone needs to give Qrow an intervention and outright tell him to stop. I imagine that it'll get ugly, but if something isn't done soon, then most likely Qrow is going to get either himself or someone else killed. It's time for him to stop the self-loathing.

Okay, lets try to talk about something more positive, like the Silver Eyes! First, I need to say this again. Maria has been a delight as a character and has just fit right in with the cast. Funny, sassy, practical, she's been a great addition and is the kind of character that Ruby needs to mentor her. I loved hearing some details about her past, like her relationship with her father and how she became a Huntress. It's exposition, sure, but it's used to show Maria's experience and wisdom. We learn more about a character that so far the fandom really loves, and it serves a purpose. We also see her intelligence as she pieced together about the source of the Silver Eyes powers just form Jinn's vision. She is very much what Ruby needs. She's an optimistic character, but also firm and wise. She can push Ruby in the right direction without being too harsh or too nice. Hopefully she sticks around after this season because she's such a welcome addition.

As for Ruby, she continues to be a bright spot in the season. She's trying so hard, but the weight is really beginning to get to her. She had to stop Jaune from physically hurting someone, is being ignored by Qrow and his unreliableness is clearly upsetting her, and she feels like she's letting everyone down due to how hopeless everything seems. She is meant to be an inspiring, hopeful figure and she is trying her damnest to be this way. After the initial plan went up in smoke, her first response is to comfort Weiss and again assure her that they won't leave her side. She's stepped up as a leader, but she's till a 16, maybe 17 if Lindsay can be believed, year old girl in a very difficult situation and with Qrow intoxicated and Oz gone, she has to be the adult. She has to look after everyone and keep them on track. She has to try and encourage them and not give up, and so far that doesn't seem to be working. This girl has so much pressure on her because everyone else has given up, and it's starting to weigh on her. Will this be the season where she breaks down? It's hard to say, but I do think that before the volume is over, we're going to see some kind of reaction out of her.

On the upside however, after so long, Ruby is finally learning about the Silver Eyes. She's asking questions. She's excited to learn to use this power. She actively WANTS to learn about it. This is what I have been hoping for ever since the end of V3. This is the moment where we are seeing Ruby beginning to go from a rookie fresh out of Beacon long before she was ready, to taking the steps to becoming the Huntress that she has always wanted to be. In light of everything and even with her doubts, Ruby has stepped up as a leader, has yet to give up despite how hopeless it looks, and is still determined to do what's right. Now she has a mentor to teach her to use her gift, something unique to her, and hopefully that can help ignite the will to continue on. Ruby's goal has always been to be a Huntress to help people, and overtime that has gone form naive ambition to seeing how dark the world can be, and wanting to do whatever is possible to do good because it's the right thing to do. Ozpin was right about what he said in V5, she truly is an inspiring figure, and this is why. Even in face of the hopelessness and everyone around her giving up, she hasn't. Will she? It's hard to say, but there is no doubt that no matter what tries to keep Ruby down, she'll face it and she will somehow pull everyone up with her. This volume, more than any other, has made that clear and I love it.

What helps that entire scene, of course, is both the setting and the music. The garden is absolutely beautiful, having a very calming atmosphere, which after the blowup was very much needed. The butterflies also added to the beauty and calmness. Apparently blue butterflies can symbolize change, and butterflies in general can symbolize life. You see it in anime all the time. It's perfect symbolism here as Ruby seeks to change herself and become a Silver Eyed Warrior, so it's a very welcome touch. And the music... gosh the music is so beautiful and serene. Jeff and Alex once more killed it, especially with the new renditions of Red Like Roses and This Will be the Day. Very nostalgic and it added to this being about Ruby taking that next step forward. Very well done!

Then of course we have the ending. Oscar is missing. For the moment, we will assume that he has left of his own volition due to the manhandling and the questioning of his identity, which was already a problem for him. And... is anyone surprised? I mean Jaune shoving him alone would be enough reason to leave. But the way everyone keeps seeing him as Ozpin, directing the anger at him even if unintentionally, and how no one seemed to care about how he's felt about all of this. Only Ruby ever did, and Qrow made sure to kill that. Of course he would leave. No one trusts him and now even he's questioning who he is and what to do now that it looks like they will inevitably lose. Hopefully he will be found safe and sound and will come back. And hopefully everyone will apologize, or Jaune will at the very least. For now, all that we can do is worry about his safety until Saturday roles around.

Final Thoughts

This may not have been the heaviest chapter, but it was still enjoyable. The first half was entertaining and did a good job of setting up the next obstacle for our heroes. The second half was very much emotional and Jaune's reaction was pretty much what we were expected. The exposition was welcomed and added to the scene instead of dragging it down. And of course we're left on a cliffhanger that is mean, but not 'Weiss just got stabbed' levels of mean. Overall, while it may be the weakest episode of the volume so far, I still give it two thumbs up! Great work!

[atc74]

Love Isn’t Fair

Written for: @mrswhozeewhatsis‘s 2018 Louden Swain FanFic FanArt Project

Pairing: Chuck x Reader (YOU), previous Dean x Reader, previous OFC x Reader (This really isn’t about the pairing - fair warning)

Warnings: Domestic Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Angst

Word Count: 2586

PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS. THERE ARE MULTIPLE TRIGGERS. 

Thank you to @mrswhozeewhatsis for her guidance and support throughout this process. Thank you for letting me be me. 

I sat down on my bed, feet tucked under me. ‘This is stupid,’ I thought. I hadn’t written in a journal since I my freshman year in college. Then, it was fueled by too much drinking and melodrama, not an actual desire for understanding or closure. I’d even tried my hand at poetry a few times. But my therapist suggested that after everything I have been through, that it would be a good idea for me to ‘journal’ my thoughts, feelings, and what have you. She said writing can be cathartic. As a writer, I knew this to be true, but I had also never written to myself before.  I had been given this assignment a while back, but the time hadn’t been right.

I thought back over the last several years, and what my life had been, and what it had become. I had been nervous about trying to date again, and about being a single parent while dating. I hadn’t had the greatest track record before my marriage, so I’d questioned what made me think I could do it with another human to think about? Someone that depended solely on me?

I had been born a hunter, raised by hunters to do nothing but hunt. I followed every order I was given. Every direction I was pointed in, I went. I knew there was something else out there for me, I just hadn’t discovered it, yet. I tried college for a while, but realized pretty quickly that wasn’t going to fill my soul, not knowing what I knew. I wandered aimlessly from hunt to hunt, motel to motel, state to state, across the country more times than I could count. I found love and lost love. More than once, it was violent or bloody, often both.   

Recently, I had been lucky enough to meet Chuck, an amazing man that not only stole my heart, but my son’s as well. He wasn’t a hunter, but he knew enough about the hunting life that I didn’t have to hide my past from him or what I really knew. He even knew Dean Winchester and his brother, Sam. Chuck had welcomed my baggage with open arms and together we’d built a new life, a happy and healthy life. With a new chapter on the horizon, it was time to close the old one. With a deep breath, I opened the brand new journal to page one and picked up my pen.

Dear Diary~

I was nineteen when I swore I met the love of my life, Dean Winchester, another young hunter. We happened to both be working the same case; a shifter that was wreaking havoc in a small town in Northern Michigan. Once the monster was disposed of, we found other ways to fill our time. In my short life, I had never met anyone that made me feel the way Dean did. I was lost to him in every sense of the word.

My parents warned me that it wouldn’t last with a Winchester. But, young love knows no logic. It was fueled by passion and was fast paced. But Dean and I were a bit like fire and ice, oil and water; we looked good together, but were bad for each other.  The sex kept getting better and better, but the hunting became dangerous the more we got wrapped up in each other.  We became reckless.

When that fell apart, I was heartbroken, and my solution was to run into the arms of the next man that opened them. Eric was not a hunter, but a normal guy with a normal job and a life that consisted of watching every televised sport imaginable.

We tried hard - okay, I tried hard -  to make myself normal, but when you are hiding what you really know, along with who you really are, it doesn’t build a lot of trust in a relationship. That one lasted three years, but the writing was on the wall long before that. I just didn’t see it until he didn’t invite me to his sister’s wedding just weeks before our demise. That stung a little. Oh, well. I moved on and was a better person for it. Eric didn’t really love me the way I needed him to love me and it was evident. After all, he never really loved the real me, did he? How could he, when he had never met me?

Remember, Dean Winchester, the love of my life? As luck would have it, I ran into him once more, five years later, on a werewolf hunt. After I stitched him and read him the riot act for jumping in front of me, it got hot and heavy. We were both more mature than we had been and we decided to try again, but it wasn’t meant to be. If it had truly been love, it would have lasted, yes? I still think about him to this day, especially on my birthday, as we shared one.

I took a few years off; I even swore off men for an entire year. I think it was healthy. I learned who I really was without a man and I have to say, I really liked that girl. She was fun, spunky, feisty, even. She discovered she should have been born a redhead and lived life to the fullest. The most important thing I think I learned was that I loved myself. I was enough for me and if someone didn’t like that or wanted to change me, then they weren’t worth my time. I continued to hunt, mostly on my own after discovering I really enjoyed just being me.

As I entered my late twenties, I tried to find that love, that feeling that consumed my soul, but also made me a better person. When I was twenty-eight, I met Bill, another hunter. He was full of life and liked to have a good time. We courted, and were married within thirteen months. We had good, dare I say great times. We were inseparable and shared many interests, one of which happen to be the hunt, the feeling of adrenaline rushing through our veins after a good fight and booze.

I think back and remember the passion, both good and bad, and I know he loved me. But now I have to think...did I love him, or did I love the idea of someone loving me that much?  A wise woman told me when I was young, maybe nineteen or twenty years old, “Find a man that loves you more than you love him and you will never have to worry about whether or not he is faithful.” I thought I had found “the one.” It turns out, how much he loved me didn’t matter if he loved something else more.

Relationships are hard. Relationships with baggage (his, not mine) are harder. He came with a daughter. A beautiful, blonde-haired, blue-eyed little girl that we spent as much time with as we could when we were not hunting. Things were really good for a few years. A few months after our third anniversary, I found out I was pregnant. I had always wanted to be a mother, but I was terrified. Bill wasn’t very supportive at first when I told him. His daughter was almost nine and the first words out of his mouth were, “I was nine years from freedom.” Wow.

The following April I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, while he drank beer in my hospital room; he even brought his own cooler. I was too drugged up and happy about the birth of my son to see the red flag. We had also decided to settle down and bought a house at the same time, so I was home with our brand new baby and he was out hunting. I left the life on the road when I got pregnant and strictly did research for him. But each time Bill came home, I noticed the drinking increased dramatically. I chalked it up to stress: new baby, new house, same jobs, less money, more expenses.  Only, it didn’t really slow down.

I remember one day in particular, because it was his birthday. Bill was fit to be tied because we had plans. A friend’s wedding and his birthday all fell on the same day. He had begun drinking when he woke up and was irate because I had made plans on his birthday. He started screaming and calling me names. His daughter was visiting for the weekend and now both she and the baby were crying. He picked up a laundry basket and launched it across the room where it hit a lamp, shattering the glass shade and bulb all around the living room.

I directed his daughter to take the baby and hide upstairs in her bedroom. Bill came up the stairs and carried me back down with his elbow locked around my neck, until we landed in the kitchen, where he threw a chair at me. Luckily he missed because he was too drunk to see straight. Like a lot of other women, I didn’t call the police; we’re hunters. I called his friend, a fellow hunter, and he came right over and as soon as Bill saw him, he was right as rain and happy as a damn clam. I will never forget the fear in his daughter’s eyes, or the screams from the mouth of my fourteen-month old son. Minutes later, it was like nothing had ever happened.

Years go by, and the drinking not only continued, but it escalated. We had a few neighbors over here and there, but soon, even they stopped hanging out with us. I had isolated my family because of him and stopped enjoying so many things I had loved before him. I became withdrawn and turned into a shadow of my former self. I gained weight. In short, I was miserable.

First Corinthians chapter thirteen says: “Love is patient; love is kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things....faith, hope, love, but the greatest of these is love.”

But the thing is, it wasn’t. Not anymore. Love was no longer enough. The love I had for him turned into resentment and disgust. I found a creative outlet for that anger and I started writing. I made new friends and suddenly, my world was larger than I ever thought possible. I became brave. I stood up for myself. Instead of the timid woman I had become, I rediscovered the girl I once was. Gone was the mousy brown hair that I hid behind. I emerged from the cocoon, a redhead once again and I began to find my way back.

I distanced myself from Bill and started doing things on my own again. I stepped out of my comfort zone. I lost weight and gained new confidence. The old me, the fun me was back; but she was still a mom. And I vowed never to lose myself again.

Somewhere along the way, our vows went astray. The affair he had with alcohol was not a sin of the flesh, it was a sin of the heart; one that was too important for him to give up for his family. I felt betrayed. I can’t stand what he put me through; what he put our son through. There were too many lies, years and mountains of broken deals. All I asked for was honesty and even that was too much.

He left on another hunt and I filed for divorce after a very long and tiring winter. I know I will have to atone for my sins as well, as small as they are. I gave up on us, gave up on him after fifteen years. It may not sound like my sins are real, but I never thought I would be that woman who leaves her husband. But the moment he put our son in jeopardy was the day I decided enough was enough; my heart was in despair and there was no coming back from that if I didn’t do something. I was already there, and I needed to crawl back out.

Chuck, the true love of my life, I actually met by accident. I walked into my neighborhood tattoo parlor one day and there he was. He inked me with my first post-separation tattoos. He didn’t comment on the quotes I had chosen. We talked and he instantly won me over with his odd charm, sparkling blue eyes and salt and pepper beard that hid a mischievous smile.  We developed a strong friendship that led to a stronger relationship with a solid bond of trust and love.  Chuck taught me a lot about myself, too.

I learned that it was okay to close my eyes and let go of the hurt inside. I have the faith that the hurt will fade and I will be stronger and better for it.

“...faith, hope, love, but the greatest of these is love.” For me, the greatest of these is faith.

~Y/N

I close the cover and lay my journal aside just as a knock sounds softly at my door and the same blue eyes I have been looking at in the mirror my entire life find mine. “Hey Mom? Can I come in?”

“Sure, Buddy. You want to watch a movie?” I asked as he snuggled up to my side. He isn’t small, but he always fits perfectly right there.

“Sure. Can we watch The Avengers?” He looked up at me from under a blond mess of shaggy bangs. “And can we have apples and peanut butter?”

“Yes we can, Bud. You start the movie, I’ll be right back with the snacks.” I rose from my seat.

“Hey Mom?” he called out for me.

“Yeah Bud?” I turned back to him from the top of the stairs. .

“I love you.” He smiled and blew me a kiss. I caught it with one hand and put it in my pocket for later.

As I sliced up an apple, I thought ahead to the following weekend and what was waiting for me... for us. The man that had fallen in love with us had asked us to marry him. We would be wed in just a few days time. A new love; a new beginning.

Faith, hope love...I know that Chuck loves me, loves us. I have faith that this will be the forever love that I had been searching for. And hope for a wonderful and long future together. But there is so much more.  Maybe the greatest of these is love. It is the unconditional love of a child that has seen more than he ever should have had to see in his short life. It’s the hope that I have for him that he won’t repeat the cycle. It’s the faith I have that no matter how many hard days there are, it’s moments like this that show me I made the right choice, not just for me, but for him. So maybe love isn’t fair, but this? This is the greatest love of my life and I will take that every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Author’s footnote: This is based on my personal experience, all of the incidents in this fic happened to me. This was the hardest thing I have ever written. When I found Supernatural three years, I started to find myself again. The friends [family :)] I have made here have helped give me the strength I needed again.

Two weeks before the divorce papers were served, I got the two tattoos that I have been waiting for. I found strength in a little band with a funny name, deep lyrics and a strong, charismatic front man. 

The road is long and will be hard to navigate at times, but I know with the support of my friends and family, I am on the right path. I am the captain of my story. I close my eyes and let go of the hurt inside. I have the faith that the hurt will fade and I will be stronger and better for it.

To my readers: Please, please, if you find yourself in a similar situation, please seek assistance, call the police, get out.

To Rob, Billy, Stephen and Mike - thank you for the beautiful music you create. It does more than you know. 

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[shewhowantsmouseears]

The Son Of Scheherazade, 23

Notes: As always, big thanks to my amazing editors Drucilla and BlueShifted!

Originally, the plan was for Mickey to wake up, but as I've been writing this story I realized I've been veering dangerously close to the "Happiness In Slavery" trope, and wanted to get that nonsense outta there. Hope you enjoyed the Cave of Wants arc - coming up, we finish the map with the Wish arc! It might be shorter than the others, we'll see.

Summary: Are your greatest desires that far away from your greatest fears? Panchito and Jose struggle to help their friends, and the clock is ticking! Can anyone fight the things they've tried to hide?

Daisy had always expected herself to die alone, perhaps in some vast wasteland where she had wandered off and couldn't find anymore people to con. Suffice to say, this was merely one of the shocks she was going through as Donald's iron fingers gripped her throat, piercing her skin, and crushing her voice-box. Screaming was impossible, and she gagged while frantically trying to pull him off, finding no strength in her hands. “S-stop...stop! Stop it! Donald, please!”

“This is what you wanted, RIIIIIIIIGHT?!” Donald's quacky voice was now demonic and dark, his beak curved into a twisted grin with fangs sticking out in bizarre angles. “All you ever do is hurt people, and you hate yourself for it! You can't trust anyone, because no one has ever trusted you! That Eye wasn't a gift, it was a curse! Your whole tribe deserved to be wiped out!”

Now the other crew-members popped up alongside Donald, but they were hideous creatures with deformed faces and maniacal grins, reaching out with their own hands to join in strangling her. Daisy could feel hot tears flowing from her bulging eyes. “That's... not... true!” But even this was a lie, and she knew it, she hated herself, hated the Eye, hated her family for having this cursed blood, hated so deep and maliciously that it eradicated all goodness she ever had.

“You've always been able to see other people's secrets, and when everyone learned that, you were chased out of every village!”

“You do nothing but cause pain to everyone! You've always known it! You want to stop, but you can't, because you don't have a real heart!”

“SO YOU JUST SHOULD JUST GIVE UP AND DIE, AND THAT WILL HELP EVERYONE!”

“GIVE UP AND DIE!

“GIVE UP AND DIE!”

“GIVE! UP! AND! DIE!”

The voices continued shouting the horrible mantra, and Daisy was finding it harder to disagree. She was a monster, and in all of Scheherazade's stories, the evil monsters were killed. Maybe everyone would be better off if she was gone for good. She'd said such a terrible thing to Donald about his family, and there was nothing she could ever do or say to make up for it. Had she been looking for a way out of the crew the entire time – or a way out of the world? She was always alone, and had always accepted it, and so in turn pushed away anyone who could dare change that. She just wanted to stop hurting people. She just wanted to stop hurting herself.

In the end... she just wanted everything to stop -

~*~

“Stop, Daisy!” Jose immediately jettisoned the plan he and Panchito had silently made, kneeling by Daisy's side and trying to pry her hands away from her throat. “Wake up! Daisy, wake up! Come on!” He slapped her hard across the cheek, but even that wouldn't stop her, as her once peaceful smile was now open in a silent cry for help.

Lotus Blossom whipped around, startled by the noise. “What the... why aren't you two asleep?!”

Panchito jumped ahead, aiming his pistols at her pretty face. “Undo your magic, thief! Free my friends right now!”

The booming, evil voice from the dark orb was now even more furious. “You damned woman, you were supposed to make them all look at the glass!”

“Hey, this is NOT on me!” Lotus began to fish for the same piece of glass from before in her sleeve. “You said once they all looked at, they're down for the count! You tell me why these two aren't in dreamland!” She found what she was looking for, and suddenly held out her hand, revealing a small piece of glass that was held in a golden frame, shutting her eyes for a brief moment.

Nothing happened.

Panchito blinked. “This is an improper time to show off your new monocle!” Jose, meanwhile, had managed to rip Daisy's hands off her neck, and had to pin them down at her sides to keep her from trying again.

Lotus paused, then shook the glass, even tapping it with her finger, all while making sure not to look directly at it. “This isn't a monocle, it's glass from the cave! You're supposed to be trapped within your greatest desires and worst fears about yourself! Everyone has them, so... get to collapsing, already!”

Panchito gave this some thought. “Worst fears? Hey, Jose, do I have a worst fear?”

“Panchito, my one and only, surely you would have told me such a thing!”

“Ah, yes, very true. I know I can always count on you, my loyal compadre!”

The orb began to shake in anger, which Lotus ignored, too stupefied by what she was hearing. “Come on! Everyone has doubts about themselves! Don't either of you have any tragic backstories? Any character arcs to develop? There has to be something about yourself you hate! Something that eats at you morning, noon, and night! There isn't a single person in the world who is content with themselves!”

Again, Panchito took a moment to consider things, and then shrugged. “Nah. I'm pretty okay with myself.”

“And I am also having little to no problems with my life, aside from my dear friend trying to join the afterlife,” said Jose while trying to peel Daisy's hands from her neck.

Lotus dropped her arm in disbelief. Perhaps this was where some flowery elaborate sentence about Panchito and Jose's mindset would go, but the truth of the matter was that they were not terribly complicated birds. Sure, they had their desires, as all do, but there was no great driving need behind them. They were just happy chappies with snappy serapes. Lotus, on the other hand, didn't believe that at all, and decided they were merely too stupid to have any fears. “Well, I'm blaming this on you.” She waved a hand toward the orb. “Can't pull off a successful heist without the right intel.”

“SILENCE, ALL OF YOU!” the voice roared, now sounding so beastly that even Lotus was quick to back up. “If you two fools won't die by the hand of the cave, I'll take care of you myself! And you, servant, you WILL bring the boy and the genie to me!” Lotus was about to take issue with being called “servant”, but that seemed very inconsequential when a different snarl came from the portal. Panchito recognized it as one of the shadow monsters that had been sent after them before. This one stomped with hard, heavy feet, taking the shape of an elephant as warped by the darkest of magics.

Panchito cocked his guns, ready to fight to free his friends. “Jose, we can take on this over-grown pachyderm!”

“Panchito, while I am both impressed by your valor and vocabulary, we have another problem!” Jose's usually calm demeanor began to unravel further, because now Donald was moving his arms, and it was a good guess where his hands were going!

~*~

How many members of his family had Donald met by now? He had lost track, but it wasn't important. He'd get to see them again, sure enough. His sister happily trailed alongside him, rattling off names and titles and pieces of history. Donald nodded along, shaking hands and exchanging hugs, but as he continued to meet and greet, he found he could hardly get a word in otherwise. Didn't they want to know what happened to him? The life he led before meeting him? How he was finally freed from his prison of false princehood by... by...?

He'd been about to shake the hand of yet another cousin, but suddenly yanked his hand, catching his breath. The blonde-haired man tilted his head, and Donald felt hundreds of eyes on him. “I-I'm sorry!” Donald sputtered out, feeling a little silly. “It's just... I don't know why, but, somehow, I forgot... my friends!” He let out a relieved laugh, glad he could remember those dear to him. “You'll want to meet them too! They're the ones who've helped me through so much! They're going to love you guys.” At first, he didn't notice the water under his feet, or that it began to rise to his ankles. “You could... you could kind of say they're my other family!”

“What a stupid thing to say,” his sister said, before suddenly shoving him hard into the water.

Donald fell face first, sputtering about and trying to sit up. “HEY! What's the big...” But as he looked around at his family, their formerly cherubic smiles were now gone, replaced with wretched scowls. “... idea...?”

“This is your family,” his sister now loomed over him, tall and imposing. “Not those misfits who took pity on a pathetic soul.”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute, you're misunderstanding things!” Donald tried to back up, but now the family members were forming a tighter circle like a white cage. “I don't love you any less than I love them!”

“Love?” She repeated, tilting her head at an unnatural angle, and Donald suddenly found the water rising higher and higher. “What in the world does someone like you know about love? You were raised by a man who only cared about money! You're no better than an insipid child, but even children are braver than you are! You never even wanted to find us!”

Donald felt the now cold hands of his uncles and cousins start trying to pin him down under the water, and he screamed, trying to keep his head above water. “Th-that's-that's not true! I always wanted to find my family! But – But Mickey – he needs help, he-”

“He's nothing more than an excuse!” Now she was on her knees in front of him, grabbing him by the collar of his robes. “You cling to him to make sure you never have to look reality in the face! You're a monster, a freak! You don't know how to love, so you stick to anyone who even looks at you kindly! YOU WERE BETTER OFF UNDER GLOMGOLD'S THUMB! YOU WERE BETTER OFF NEVER BEING BORN!”

Donald gasped for air, but he was forced underwater, his lungs filling up. Even with his head submerged, he could hear all of their cruel taunts, and all the cruel truth behind them. He was scared, so scared, of the life he would lead once Mickey found his parents and left the crew behind. How could Donald understand the concept of love and family when he had been denied both since birth? Was his family better off never finding him? Was the entire world better off if he never existed?

Maybe... Maybe he should just stop fighting -

~*~

“Fight it off, Donald!” Jose pleaded, needing to use all of his strength to keep Donald's arms pinned down. “You can do this, my friend, I know it! You have to hear me!”

Everyone else was having difficulty hearing Jose, as Panchito and the monster he was fighting were making plenty of noise. Panchito had tamed many a wild horse in his younger days, but trying to wrangle a phantom elephant was a new one. He had used up all of his bullets trying to make the thing back away, before grabbing the massively long trunk and climbing atop its head. Now it was a fierce battle to steer the monster away from his sleeping friends, which was proving more and more challenging by the second. It rammed itself into the walls of the caves, causing the rocks above to come tumbling below.

Lotus was pressed to one wall, a few bored glowworms falling into her hair. “If that keeps up, the entire cave will collapse!”

“Grab the prince and the genie!” the dark voice bellowed, unconcerned with anything else. “If you want your promised fortune, then you will do as I have commanded! You won't see a single coin unless you bring forth what you promised!”

“You better triple the price, boss!” Lotus narrowly dodged a hard swing of the elephant's trunk. “Make it quadruple! Risking my life was never part of the deal! Some things are worth more than money!”

“I'll pay you ten times the agreed amount if you JUST DO WHAT I DEMAND!”

Well, some things were worth more than money, but that was a lot of money. Lotus pried herself off the wall and managed to slide over to the bodies, but her eyes widened when she saw the state Mickey was in. “And I'm guessing the deal's broken if Big Ears is also broken!” She reached down to try and stop Mickey's moving arms...

~*~

It was a great and glorious celebration! A banquet that would never end! Mickey led his friends and family in song again, with the entire palace full of people and the world full of joy. His father and mother, safe and sound, and Mickey without a title that had been unwillingly attached to him all his life. When the chorus finished, Mickey plopped into his seat, exhausted from fun and full of his favorite foods. As he tried to catch his breath, his father let out another merry laugh. “So, son of ours, have you thought what you wish to be known as?”

Mickey blinked, and then scratched his head. “Huh... I hadn't really thought that part out yet. I guess I should be known as something, if I'm not going to be the Son of Scheherazade anymore.”

“Maybe something like, Hero of the Desert?” Goofy offered.

“Legendary Pursuer of the Lost?” Daisy suggested.

Minnie sat comfortably in Mickey's lap, snuggling up. “How about, Husband of Minnie?”

Mickey felt his cheeks grow warm, and he chuckled nervously. “Aw, shucks... Those are all pretty good ones, I guess!”

“I have the perfect idea,” Scheherazade rose from her seat, approaching Mickey's side and fitting something in his hand. He assumed it was another goblet of drink. “From henceforth, you shall be known as Mickey... the Murderer.”

Mickey jerked upright in his seat. “What?!” It was then what he saw what had been placed in his hand – his sword, soaked in blood. He tried to throw it out of his hand, but his fingers wouldn't release the handle. He felt Minnie drop from his lap and onto the floor, and when he turned his head, he saw her lying motionless, a horrific cut on her neck. Mickey screamed, and screamed more as he saw everyone in the palace dead, save for his parents – Goofy, the crew, his servants, even Pete, their bodies strewn about with the same wounds, the banquet food rotting and drawing flies and the stench of blood inescapable. Mickey fumbled out of his seat, hitting the stained rug, eyes hot with tears. “Th-This isn't real! I didn't do this! I DIDN'T DO THIS!”

“It's inevitable, isn't it?” His mother asked, her pleasant voice now dripping with disdain. Droplets of blood began to dribble from her neck. “You may try to stop being my child, but you will always be your father's son. You carry his anger, and there's no denying your destiny.”

“No! I'm not like him! Pa, he, he changed! I just – I have to control my anger! I will, I swear it!” No matter how hard he tried to pull the sword from his hand, it wouldn't leave. Why did he want a sword so badly in the first place? Because, deep down, he wanted to fight? To hurt? To kill? “No! No, I just wanted to defend myself! I just wanted to be my own person!”

“And what good is being just you?” His father was behind Mickey now, his shadow dark and dangerous. “You who hurt others time and time again? What good is controlling your anger after it's already happened? You're a lost cause, you never should have left the palace. If you aren't the Son of Scheherazade, the life you are isn't worth living! ”

Mickey's arm trembled, and he found his own sword being pressed into his neck – in the exact place where the servant had tried so many years ago -

“IT'S YOUR FAULT THE PHANTOM PRINCE TOOK US, SO YOU COULD BE USED AS A PAWN!”

“IT'S YOUR FAULT MINNIE IS SUFFERING AND NO ONE CAN GO HOME!”

“IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT YOUR ANGER WILL DESTROY EVERYONE!”

“EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT!”

Mickey's tears rolled down his face, and he had never been more afraid in his life – what was he without the title he loathed? A murderous madman who couldn't be stopped? A stupid fool who kept trying to save everyone without seeing if they wanted to be saved? Had the grief-stricken servant been right to end things when he was a child? Why had he even been born?

Why did he think he had a right to live, why -

~*~

“Why is this happening?!” Jose at this point knew full well why, but stress often causes people to ask silly questions. Right now he was very stressed, as he was trying to use every limb to prevent his friends from strangling themselves, which now included Goofy, who was tormented by a wife and son who didn't know him because he loved adventure more than them, and Horace with Clarabelle, whose beloved Master berated them about their idiocy and who were only using him as a distraction to avoid facing their real problems. The parrot was being stretched thin, and it was a losing battle. “I can't keep this up! Lotus Blossom, you have to break them out of their trance! I beg of you!”

“I don't know how!” Lotus was amazed how strong little Mickey was, as it was a real struggle to keep him pinned down. “I didn't ask for details when I got into this plot! Listen, once I broke out prison, this stupid orb found me, and told me what to do and where to go! He offered me more money than I'd ever steal in my life! All the big guy said was not to look at the glass and I'd be fine!”

“Only I have the spells to break them free,” the dark voice sneered, “And I will only use them once I have the prince and the genie! Do you fools have any idea what you're up against? No one has the willpower to break through the Cave of Wants! It's taken thousands of lives, and they will be next!”

“That can't be true!” But even as Jose said it, he was getting a sick feeling that it could be true. He wanted desperately to believe in his companions, but every ticking second was showing that the voice was right. Right at that moment, the monster bucked hard enough to send Panchito flying, and he landed hard on his back near Jose. “Panchito!” He jumped off his allies to rush to his fallen friend, trying to help him sit up. “Panchito, you can't keep fighting that thing, you're out of ammo! It's going to kill you!”

“It's going to kill all of us if we don't do something!” Panchito said after wincing, his body aching with pain. “I refuse to believe they can't fight this! I know at least one of them can pull through! They are warriors!” He staggered to his feet, his chest heaving with pained breath. “They've gone through so much, and I've been honored to fight alongside them! If need be, I'll be honored to die defending them! I will never stop believing in my friends!” He looked down at Jose, and offered his hand with a tired smile. “What say you, Jose Carioca?”

Jose shook his head, but smiled all the same. “Common sense has never been your good friend, Panchito Pistoles... but I've always been yours.” He took Panchito's hand and rose to his feet, holding out his umbrella. “We are the Three Caballeros! No matter where he goes-”

“The one, two, and three goes!” Panchito squeezed Jose's hand tightly, and when they broke their tender embrace, they charged for the monster, ready to battle with every last ounce of strength they had.  Their hearts burned, knowing that surely in one of their friends, they were fighting too!

~*~

Cave? What cave? There was no cave to speak of here. The sun was shining down softly on a pair of lovers atop a flowery hill, the breeze calm and the world quiet. Minnie was safe in Mickey's arms, sighing in contentment, not wanting to leave this embrace for anything. Her eyes stayed closed, her back resting on his chest, and every so often, she'd say, “Please say it again.”

And he would comply each time, “I love you.”

It was amazing what true happiness three simple words brought. Minnie smiled, nuzzling her cheek affectionately to his. They didn't need anything but each other, and so she thought of nothing but him. She couldn't remember anything but him. She lifted her head, touching his soft cheek. “I want to be like this forever,” she murmured, even if she did sort of miss the way he'd blush so hard it'd touch his ears, or his stammering as if his words had fallen down the stairs. But... maybe it was better this way. Better for him to be confident in all he said and did.

“Don't worry,” Mickey chuckled sweetly, “it will be. It'll always be like this, forever and ever. I'll never let you go.”

Minnie pulled back, ready to place yet another dear kiss on his lips, when she saw that the golden mark on his neck was gone. She blinked, blinked twice, her mind fuzzy. “Where... where did the scar go?”

“Oh, that?” Mickey shrugged one shoulder, dismissive. He raised his hand to link with her fingers. “I didn't really need it anymore. After all, it's just as I said, I'll never let you go... so I'll never wish you free.”

Did she – did she hear right? Minnie tried to pull her hand back – and saw that the cuff on her wrist, usually golden and baring her and her Master's names, were now gray and dirty, with a long, unending chain attached. “What...?” She looked at her other wrist, and it was exactly the same here. “What are...”

“You don't ever have to worry about being useless again,” Mickey's charming smile grew pointed and devilish. “Because I'll bind you to me until the day I die! Isn't that the purpose of a genie?”

“You-” Minnie scrambled to get out of his lap, and when she did, she saw her ankles also chained. “Y-You're not my Master! Let me go!” She pulled at the chains, but they wouldn't budge, the grass and flowers dying.

“Of course I'm your Master, you refuse to call me anything else!” Mickey stood up, endless chains flowing from his empty hands. “Because you know you can't be anything more than a genie! You've been doing this for thousands of years! You think you could ever survive being a mortal? You can't even say my name!”

“That's – that's not...” Minnie tried to crawl on her hands and knees away from Mickey – Master – whatever this was – but the sun was being blocked out by prison bars now as high as the heavens. “I'm just... I'm just scared! It's all I've ever known!”

“So why should anything change? You can't do anything else! Can you cook? Can you clean? Can you even care about another person? HOW CAN YOU EVEN SAY YOU'RE REAL? DO YOU HAVE A HEART? DO YOU HAVE A SOUL?” Now the beast with her beloved's form threw a chain at her neck, and it wrapped around like a deadly snake. “JUST STAY A SLAVE FOREVER! IT'S WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED!”

Mickey held the chain in both hands, squeezing it around Minnie's throat. She tried to yell, tried to cry, and the weight of his words weighed heavier than all the chains now wrapping around every part of her body. Every step they got closer to saving Mickey's parents was a step towards her being a mortal, and facing all the consequences of it. How could a normal woman be of help to a prince? She wasn't like other people, she wasn't even a person. Wouldn't it be best for Mickey, best for everyone, if she just stayed in slavery?

Her Master – Mickey, Mortimer, all the ones she had served in her long life – pulled tighter and tighter, mockingly chanting the same words over and over.

“THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED! THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED! THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED!”

It would be best for everyone, best for the crew, best for all who rode that flying ship, that strange ship that didn't belong in the sea...

… And... somehow... that stayed with her. Because, in all the long, long, long years of torment and servitude...

“I've... never... seen... the... ocean...” Minnie breathed each word, opening her eyes.

“THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED!”

“I've... never seen the ocean...” Minnie repeated, her words stronger.

“THIS IS WHAT YOU -

“I want to see the ocean!” Minnie screamed, screamed as loudly as her lungs would allow, screamed with every century, every year, every day she ever had to give up her dreams to serve someone else. “YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT I WANT!” Her fingers found the strength to move, and they tried to slide under the chain on her neck, pulling and yanking. “It's been so hard... it's been so lonely... this isn't a life anyone should have! No one deserves to be a slave!” Inch by inch, the chains began to loosen. “But if I really thought I was better off this way... I wouldn't keep waking up! I wouldn't keep living! Even if I never understood before... a part of me has always... always... always been dreaming of freedom!”

The beast of her fears tried to tighten her prison again, but she slammed her forehead into his, throwing him off her body. “I don't deserve this life! Even if I am scared... even if I don't know what I'll do without my powers... Even if I can't help the person who means the most to me...” She would always be scared, but her love, her hope, her will, would triumph. If she didn't know the answers now, it didn't mean they'd never be found. “I won't run away! Whatever comes next, I'll face it! This is my life! Not for the crew, not even for him... but for myself! I WANT MY FREEDOM!”

“I WANT TO BE FREE!”

And with a huge, gulping gasp, she was – her body thrusting upward, she bolted upright, panting hard for air. Minnie was back in the cave, surrounded by her suffering friends. She touched her neck, and felt no chain. “What the...” But there was clearly no time to question much of anything. A shadowy monster was thundering towards Panchito, who couldn't get up in time, Jose having fallen some feet away. Minnie sprang up, running as fast as she could, and tackled Panchito away just in time to avoid being stomped.

Panchito landed on his back, and stared up at his heroine. “... Minnie? Oh, Minnie, you're not trying to off yourself! I am so relieved!”

“And I am so confused!” Minnie said right back, now seeing Lotus trying in vain to save Mickey, and the orb spewing smoke. “Okay, I know she had something to do with this, but what else?!”

Panchito managed to get into a sitting position, using his empty pistol as a cane. “That orb must belong to the Phantom Prince! That's what kidnapped Mickey's poor parents before! And now they're trying to take him and you! And if we don't find a way to wake everyone up, they're all going to die! The Phantom Prince said he'd only wake you and Mickey up, once he got his hands on you! And the cave might be collapsing! … But it's still nice to see you.”

That was a lot of information to get in fifteen seconds, and time was running out for everyone. They couldn't afford to wait and see if the others would find similar revelations Minnie had. “Mickey... he must need Mickey to force Lady Scheherazade to work for him!” And it didn't take a genius to know why anyone would want a genie.

“Hey, you're saying his name now! Good for you!”

Ignoring Panchito's ill-timed compliment, Minnie stood up, thinking fast. She had only one chance, and one idea, but it was time to put actual trust in herself. She was going to be free someday – not because she earned it, but because she deserved it, as all living things deserve to be. The Phantom Prince wouldn't stop what was rightfully hers – a life! “This ends here and now!” She bolted off, running around the monster's legs, running faster than it could, jumping around the falling rocks and debris. With her accumulated speed, she took a leap of faith, figuratively and literally, kicking Lotus right off her Master's body. “That's for so many things, I've lost count!”

Lotus fell on her side, the glass bit rolling out of her sleeve. “Oof... that's fair.”

Minnie pulled Mickey's sword out of his scabbard, and slammed it down hard on the glass piece, breaking it into dust. It didn't wake everyone, but now it couldn't be used to hurt anyone else. She could hear the monster approaching, and she stood in front of her friends, brandishing the sword. “Hear me, Phantom Prince! I am Lady Minerva of the Lamp, Minnie to those who love me! You need Mickey alive for your plan to work, but I'm not going to let you have him! He'd rather die than be used as a weapon against his parents, and that's exactly what's going to happen if you don't undo the spell right now on everyone!” She thrust her sword in the direction of the rampaging monster. “Either your whole plan falls apart right now, or you do something right for once and set them free!”

The monster continued to stampede forward – Jose covered his eyes, as did Panchito albeit letting his fingers slip a bit – but just as it would have stomped Minnie – it stopped. Abruptly. It looked down at her, its presence dwarfing her already small stature. “You lie,” the Phantom Prince said, the quietest he'd ever been. “I've seen your trials, I've seen your bond. Your words are bold, but your heart is weak.” There was odd assurance in his words, Panchito and Jose both noted, as if this was something he was very sure of. As if this was not the first time they'd met. The monster raised one large foot, ready to stomp, ready to force her back and make her beg for mercy.

Minnie did lower the sword, but not out of submission. No, now the sword was turned toward her Master as he lay in his haunted dreams, his eyes wide with untold horrors and his fingers secure around his throat. Minnie couldn't imagine the torture he was enduring, her own still fresh in her memories. Of course she wasn't going to kill him – of course this was a bluff – of course, of course, of course, she told herself, in order to drown a thought that was more terrifying than the prison she recently escaped. She had fought so hard, against the mirror dream and herself, to be free and independent – and here she was, making a choice all on her own, and what if – what if – what if her love for Mickey wasn't strong enough to stay her hand? This felt like an eternity, but only seconds passed, each one making the decision more difficult. But she grit her teeth. She wouldn't give in to tears.

“Can you really afford the time to test me?” Minnie didn't move, didn't shake, didn't blink.  The sword was pointed above Mickey's chest, above his beating heart.“Wake.” Jose tried to get to his feet, surely she wouldn't - “Them.” Panchito was making the same scramble, was she out of her mind  - “Up.” The sword was raised high -  “Now.” And then thrust down -

And then the orb began to float in the air, the smog beginning to swirl back inside, the portal vanishing. Minnie yanked the sword back, holding it close as she caught her breath. The monster dissolved into black ash, and a hidden wind blew it across the fallen heroes – who all began to jump into life. There were many startled cries, rubbing of throats, Horace and Clarabelle held each other while nearly crying with Goofy joining in a group hug. Jose and Panchito flew to Donald, tackling him back down with hugs and kisses and shouts of celebration, Daisy was struggling to process what was real and what wasn't, and Mickey threw himself at Minnie's back, holding her tight. “Minnie! You're alive! Oh, thank goodness, thank goodness, you're all alive! I could just kiss you!” A swift, hard pause. “I mean, not like – you know – not that I wouldn't want -  why are you holding my sword?”

While Minnie was grateful to hear Mickey's charmingly embarrassing misdirection, the day was not yet over. “Because this isn't done.”

“Huh?” Mickey lifted his head, and saw the floating orb – the smog it had collected was now rearranging itself to take on a solid form, a young man with a thin mustache, now holding the orb in his left hand, a hood over his head, his body continuously moving and shifting with the smoke. Mickey's eyes widened as he understood, letting go of Minnie so he could stand by her side. “You're... the Phantom Prince.”

“In the flesh, so to speak.” The Phantom Prince snorted at his own joke. “You surprise me, genie... to think you've changed after all these years. But you will learn your place.”

“Give me back my parents!” Mickey demanded, and soon he was joined at all his sides with his friends, each one willing to bring a brand new fight. “Your plan will never work! Your kingdom is dead, and my mother will never help you revive it! And we'll never stop fighting you! No matter what you throw at us, we'll never give up!”

“Even if you don't know where the final piece of the map lies?” The Phantom Prince asked with a quirked eyebrow.

Admittedly, that did knock the wind out of Mickey's sails briefly. “... Was kind of hoping you didn't know about that...” He shook his head, trying to restart the heroic speech. “We'll never stop looking for it, even if we have to go all around the world!”

“That won't be necessary,” The Phantom Prince waved a hand around the orb, turning it momentarily into a globe. “It's located in the fishing town of Alnihayat. It should only take you a few days to fly there.”

Now the sails, anchor, and entire boat of Mickey had the wind soundly knocked out of them. “Uh. Isn't... part of the whole 'evil villain' bit that you're not supposed to help us?”

The Phantom Prince snorted. “By helping you, I am helping myself. Why bother continuing to drag you to me if you're coming to me already?”

“This couldn't be a more obvious trap if he held up a big sign that said TRAP,” Horace whispered.

“No,” Minnie said, taking a step forward, sword still in hand. “I think he's telling the truth... he doesn't have a choice.”

Daisy leaned in closer to the group. “Did someone replace Minnie while I was out?”

“I've been thinking a lot about your plan, Phantom Prince,” Minnie continued, her sword pointed at his chest. “There's been so much of it that doesn't make sense... unless you look at things a certain way. But this entire scheme today proved it once and for all. You've had your monsters, your minions, and some bimbo thief-”

“Okay, harsh.”

“- Do all your work for you, and now you're practically giving the map on a silver platter. You waited all this time to kidnap Lady Scheherazade, her stories were legendary before Mickey was born. I don't think it was just good timing – I think it's the opposite... you're running out of time!”

Mickey was floored at the bravery Minnie was displaying, and it was only ignored once the pieces began to connect in his own mind. “Hey, I think I know what she's getting at! You're getting weaker! Whatever magic you've done to yourself, it's taken its toll! You're not the Phantom Prince because no one knows who you are... you're literally becoming a phantom yourself! And soon you'll be nothing but smoke and ash, just like your dead monsters!”

The Phantom Prince said nothing at first, his fingers curling around the orb. But even with his body slightly translucent, it was coming clear he was trembling with rage. Dark red eyes shone out from under the hood, and his voice began to thunder. “Such clever boys and girls you think you are... But in the end, I still have the Sultan and Sultana. Even at my weakest, I am still more powerful than you can ever dare to dream! I will have my kingdom restored, and I will be the rightful ruler! I AM THE PHANTOM PRINCE, AND YOU ARE NOTHING BUT THE STEPPING STONES TO MY ETERNAL GLORY!”

With this last blasphemous boast, the orb split open, and powerful dark magic struck out into the caves, slamming hard into the stone surrounding them – the walls began to crack, dust began to fall, the ground underneath their feet trembled, and there was a dull roar beginning to echo throughout the caverns.

“The cave's coming down on us!” Mickey declared, grabbing Minnie by the wrist. “Everybody out, NOW!” Goofy scooped up Lotus into his arms, and the entire crew headed back towards the entrance, the sunlight now free from the clouds. Daisy thought she heard Donald say something, or make a noise, perhaps he tripped, but there was no chance to see if he was all right. The cave was collapsing right behind them, and with one last, final, earth-shattering blow, it toppled down and sent out a harsh wind of dust and debris. Outside, the group fell over, the earth underneath them having moved due to how large the once mighty cave had been. Once the noise had stopped, Mickey dared to lift his head. “Maybe... next time... we call the magic bad guy weak... when we're outside.”

Goofy sat up, trying to do a mental count. “Everyone make it out okay?” One, two, three, four... wait...

Jose knocked some dirt off his hat. “Donald? Where is Donald?” Heads turned, but indeed, there was no sign of the bird.

Daisy sighed, getting on her feet. “Okay, before we all lose our heads, he's fine. Guy is way too dumb to die. Just give me a second to find him with my Eye, all right?” With a flourish of her hands, she closed her eyes...

… and saw darkness. Nothing.

Daisy slowly opened her eyes. “I... I didn't see anything,” she said slowly, unable to hear the words she was saying.

“What do you mean, you didn't see anything?!” Mickey demanded. “It's all the All-Seeing-Eye, it's supposed to be All-Seeing!”

“Shut up, I know what it's called!” Daisy hissed, before closing her eyes and trying again. Darkness. Nothing. Darkness Nothing. “No, no, no no no no...” If there was nothing to see, then that could only mean - “Noooo, no no no NO!” That the person she was trying to find was - “NO! NO NO NO NOOOOO!” Gods damn it all, her last words to him couldn't have been a mockery of his family! To rip his heart in two! “DONALD!” She threw herself at the remaining pile of rubble, trying to shove away the rocks. “DONALD, YOU CAN'T DO THIS! YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO BE THERE FOR ME, SO YOU CAN'T DO THIS!” He wasn't allowed to leave her! He wasn't allowed to be gone without a goodbye, a proper goodbye, she was crying and sobbing and this was worse than any stupid glass dream! “DONALD!”

The other members of the crew, save Goofy, began to pale and gasp in terrible understanding. Of course, Goofy paid attention to things no one else did, like moving sand. As the rest of the crew joined in on the desperate digging, Goofy gently set Lotus aside, stood up, brushed down his pants, and headed to a strange lump in the sand.

“DONALD!” Daisy screamed again, her fingers becoming dirty and bloody as she dug through the remains, even digging through the dirt even if that was a mad place to search. “DONALD, PLEASE! Please ... I want to wake up! The dream has to be over now! Everything's supposed to be okay now!”

Goofy stuck his hand in the lump, grabbed the softness within, and yanked it out. He then returned to the group, setting it down, dusted it off, and began tapping everyone on the shoulders one by one.

Daisy made a retching noise, unable to see anything anymore, Eye or not, with how hard she was crying. “I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it... I didn't mean any of those things... Please, don't... don't go... I'm sorry...”

“Apology accepted.”

Daisy stopped, and then whipped her head back so hard the snake in her hair flew a few inches off into a rock, sitting up dizzily. There stood Donald, looking quite amused, his entire body covered in mud and dirt. He wiggled his fingers. “Hello.”

Daisy's relief was muted by her anger and humiliation. “... WHERE THE HECK WERE YOU?!” She grabbed a fistful of pebbles, ready to throw them.

“I tripped,” Donald said, “And I knew if I got up I wouldn't make it out in time. So,” he held up one finger, letting lightning swirl around it. “I used my powers like a shield and let it fall on me. Neat, eh?” He managed to dodge the pebbles.

“NEAT?!” Daisy shrieked, ready to strangle Donald herself in place of the glass replicas. “My Eye couldn't see you!”

“Well, yeah, I got dirt in my eye.” Donald pointed at his eyes, “And it hurt, so I shut them. You probably just saw the insides of my eyelids. But!” he finished with a clap. “More importantly! Sooomebody caaares~!”

Daisy froze, now acutely aware of all the knowing eyes on her, each one more gleeful than the last. “... No, I don't. Nooo, I don't. Stop looking at me like that!”

“Daisy's got a heee-aaart!” Clarabelle sang, and Horace joined in, the two of them swaying and singing. “Daisy's got a heee-aaart!”

“SHUT UP! I do not!” Daisy huffed, stomping her heels into the ground. “I am an unfeeling monster! I lie and trick and use people for tools! I don't like anybody! QUIT SINGING THAT STUPID SONG!”

“Aw, what nice little lies,” Donald teased, pulling Daisy into a hug and patting her head. “There, there. Welcome to the world of caring.”

“You guys suck,” Daisy mumbled into Donald's chest, lying again.

Mickey rolled his eyes, taking his sword back from Minnie. “As exciting as the last couple of minutes have been, we do have another problem on our hands... with the cave like this now, how are we supposed to find the map piece? It'll take forever to dig it out!”

Lotus stretched her arms as she stood up, reaching for one last thing in her sleeve. “About that... any good thief always has a back-up plan.” She pulled out a familiar piece of paper. “And I am a very good thief.”

Minnie's jaw hit the ground, all her newfound dignity and respect gone. “You... had that piece of the map with you... the entire time?!” She hated this woman! She hated this woman so much!!!

“I found it in there, and didn't tell the big guy,” Lotus said as she handed over the piece to a stunned Mickey. “He offered me a fortune to trade you guys, but I always make it a habit to keep secrets from my employers. If you're working for a bad guy, you have to expect bad things might happen to you too. This make us even, Big Ears?”

Mickey slowly took the piece from her fingers. “You... are a horrible person. You have to know that.”

Lotus shrugged, not really caring. “The world's not always so black and white. Being gray can be the most fun. But before you guys head out on the next leg of your journey, I got one last question... why doesn't that Phantom guy just tell you where his lost kingdom is, instead of telling you where the next piece of the map is? Won't it take longer to find the kingdom itself?”

Mickey held up the third piece of the map in the sunlight. Like the other two, the words were difficult to read, the lines didn't make sense, and it didn't seem to fit in any direction with the others. He needed to think like clever Minnie. Flip it around... If the Phantom wasn't taking them to the kingdom, but to the map, it was because...

“It's because... this map isn't a map at all! We're not looking for pieces of a map – we're looking for pieces of a spell!”

[jenroseyokel]

Awesome of the Year 2018: The Books

Happy New Year! ‘Tis the season for year end lists left and right as we attempt to figure out the best of everything from 2018. And of course, as a fan of books, music, and movies, it’s only right to get in on the list-making. Over the next week or so, I’ll be sharing my 2018 favorite lists. First up: books! This year, I set my Goodreads reading challenge at 40 books, and actually passed it. I’ve been setting arbitrary book goals for years, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve succeeded since 2007. Probably because of all the graphic novels and comic trades I read this year WHICH TOTALLY COUNT BTW. Ahem. Anyway. This isn’t really a best of 2018 list so much as a Here’s a Bunch of Books I Really Liked in 2018 list, split up into categories. I hope you’ll find something interesting here, especially if you’re looking for ways to spend bookstore or Amazon gift cards you got for Christmas… ;)

Newish Books by Rad Christian Women:

Every Arbitrary Book Goal should have a small correlated goal attached. This year mine was to make sure I read at least 50% women authors… and there have been a lot of GREAT new books from women writers in the past few years. If the “Christian women” section of your local bookstore makes you cringe a little inside too, check out these three wonderful books, all released in the past couple years:

Courage, Dear Heart by Rebecca K. Reynolds (NavPress, 2018)

Anyone who has read Rebecca’s writing knows she needed to write a book. She has a sharp mind, a poet's soul, a scientist's eye, and the most beautiful, tender heart. Also, she's an incredible writer who loves her readers with a love that radiates off every page. Buy a copy for everyone you know.

Wearing God by Lauren F. Winner (HarperOne, 2017) Girl Meets God was a formative book in my early 20s, and I’ve always meant to read more from this author, but somehow haven't. I finally picked up this one and oh man, for a solid month afterward I couldn’t stop thinking about it. With the eye of a scholar and the heart of a poet, Winner draws on personal stories, deep Biblical study, and a love of language to explore lesser known metaphors for God. Liturgy of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren (InterVarsity Press, 2016)

Several years ago, James K.A. Smith’s Desiring the Kingdom helped me see liturgy in a new way, as not just religious practice, but the embedded routines that shape us. In this book, Tish Warren brings that idea to life as she walks through an ordinary day explores the holiness in our most mundane moments of living. You may not look at brushing your teeth or losing your keys the same way again.

Good Stories

This year, fiction reading was… all over the place? I don’t know if I read much that was OMG amazing, but here are a few that were fun…

The Fairyland Series 2-5 by Catherynne M. Valente (Feiwel & Friends, 2012-2015)

I am notoriously awful at finishing book series. I read the first Fairyland book maybe… two years ago? Yikes. Just finished the last one and wow, so fun. Colorful characters, a whimsical narrator, crazy locations, and a whole lot of heart make this Victorian fairytale meets contemporary fantasy a delight to read. 

Til We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis (Harcourt, 1956)

Lewis’ contemporary retelling of the Cupid and Pschye myth through the eyes of Psyche’s jealous sister Orual. Second read for me, and even better this time around. Pretty sure this is Lewis’ storytelling at his best.

Strange Practice by Vivian Shaw (Orbit, 2017)

This was a year to embrace fun, nerdy reads. So there was the Star Trek spoof Redshirts (with a plot twist I totally saw coming... and I am not good at guessing plot twists) and my first trip into the Star Wars extended book universe (or whatever the heck they call it these days) and… this. A story about a doctor for the undead in London, trying to solve the mysteries surrounding a murderous cult and keep her monster friends safe. Not the greatest, but a fun Halloween read. I’ll get to the sequel eventually. (See also: bad at finishing book series.)

Poetry for Everyone 

Another new reading practice this year: always keeping a poetry book on the bedside table. Poetry books are best for leisurely dipping in and out rather than reading cover to cover. If you think poetry is only for the ivory towers, give these writers a try and think again.

A Child's Year by Christopher Yokel (Independent, 2018)

Okay, I’m biased here, but hey! Chris quietly released a new poetry book into the world this fall, and I’m a big fan of Chris AND his poems. A Child’s Year is a season cycle, sort of like his last book A Year in Weetamoo Woods, but this time it’s anchored by a four part poem recalling the journey of seasons through childhood eyes. And according to our friend Kirsten’s 7-year-old son, he gets the experience right. ;) 

The Jubilee by John Blase (Bright Coppers Press, 2017) For his 50th birthday, John Blase released his first poetry book, with a poem for every year of life. It’s rare for me to make it through an entire collection start to finish but these were just so good. There are poems about aging — the author’s and his parents’ — and poems that evoke wide spaces and natural wonder. There are psalms and parables, and meditations on dying and, yes, living. All of them finely tuned with wisdom, gentle grace, and a touch of humor in all the right places. How I Discovered Poetry by Marilyn Nelson (Dial Books, 2014)

When I heard Marilyn Nelson read her poem “Thirteen-Year-Old American Negro Girl” on the On Being podcast, I was captivated. And when I found this lovely hardcover in a used bookstore back home in Florida, I knew I needed to read more. This is a memoir in poetry about growing up in a black military family during the American Civil Rights era, told with gentle lyricism, warmth, and humor. Plus, the book itself is lovely with whimsical illustrations and family photos.

Comics!

I’m always on a quest to get more comics in my life. Plus knocking out a whole series in a couple weeks is a solid way to pad out your Arbitrary Book Goal.

Amulet 1-7 by Kazu Kibuishi (Graphix, 2008-2016)

After their father’s tragic death, Emily and Navin move with their mom to a strange old house that belonged to their great-grandfather… and so the adventure begins. In this fantasy series, the two kids find themselves in an underground world of demons, robots, talking animals, and a dangerous and powerful Amulet. A captivating and beautifully illustrated fantasy tale. Ms. Marvel 1-5 by G. Willow Wilson (Marvel, 2014-2016)

Y’all, I super want to be a Marvel nerd. But alas, I can't keep up, so I get my sister to loan books to me. Ms. Marvel is my new fave. A Pakistani-American girl from Jersey City has the power to grow, shrink, and stretch her body at will. So she’s trying to fight crime, keep up at school, and well, stay out of trouble with her parents. So fun. (Dear Disney: I really want this kid to show up in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. before it gets canceled kthxbye.)

The Legend of Wonder Woman by Ranae De Liz and Ray Dillon (DC Comics, 2016)

Weren’t we all mildly obsessed with Wonder Woman after the 2017 film? Another one I borrowed from my sister. A solid take on Diana’s origin story that’s accessible for comic n00bs (ahem, like me) who can’t figure out where to begin with beautiful art and a lot of heart.

The Classic I Finally Read 

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen I always try to tackle either a thick intimidating novel or an unread classic in the wintertime. This year, I worked on my Austen deficiency and discovered I relate a little too much to Elinor Dashwood.

What’s Next?

In the new year, I think my goal is less about numbers and more about reading widely. I liked the 50% women authors goal because it helped me actively choose to support women writers. This year, hoping to read more books by authors of color, explore some new ideas and genres, and hopefully do a better job reading deeply and taking notes. I’ve got my eye on Book Riot’s Read Harder Challenge too, perhaps as a way to dig into new things I wouldn’t normally notice. And yeah... perhaps a monthly reading life update is a thing I can do here on the blog. :)

If you’re curious to see the full list of What I Read This Year and follow along with me in 2019, feel free to follow me on Goodreads!

What were some of your favorite reads in 2018? And what are your goals for the new year? I’d love to hear all about it in the comments!

[illeity]

The Best of Anime Winter 2018!

Older anime recommendations [here].

Best Overall

Sora Yorimo Tooi Basho - A Place Further than the Universe

You taught me the courage of stars before you left.

How light carries on endlessly, even after death.

With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite.

How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.

Tamaki Mari wants to achieve something special, something that would make the most of a youth that she is aware is slipping away with time. Kobuchizawa Shirase, who lost her mother during an expedition to Antarctica, is struggling to find the means to see her again. Alongside Miyake Hinata and Shiraishi Yuzuki, these four friends brave obstacles to travel to one of the most inhospitable places on earth, to a place further than the universe.

It's my pick for the season because of how determined the show is at beating you over the head on the value of chasing after your dreams, no matter how foolish, no matter how difficult because of the finitude of this life. If shows have a "monster of the week" format, this show has a "lesson of the week" format, as each episode exhausts every angle on dream-achievement and its various opportunities and threats without being completely on the nose.

The four are subjected to self-doubt and doubt from other people and friendships that wane as they chart a trajectory that only they can take. They cling to each other in shared sentiment, as the farther they get, the lonelier the path becomes and even progress and exciting new sights are weakened as they find themselves way past their comfort zone, beyond any shore line they're familiar with, with other people they barely know.

And that's how life is supposed to be: You build a world around yourself and craft order out of the chaos, but order creates boundaries, and shuts us from growing and expanding and becoming prepared for dangers beyond our garden. And so we willingly subject ourselves to more chaos, because we're strong enough to do so and because failing to grow might as well be something akin to being dead. And by this dance of order and chaos, we reach ever farther and move with time, as meaning condenses around us like a medal ever being made.

Best Drama

Koi wa Ameagari no You ni - After the Rain

We hate the rain when it fills up our shoes

But how we love when it washes our cars

Tachibana Akira is a High School runner who lost everything when her Achilles tendon ruptured. Kondo Masami is a 45-year old manager of a chain restaurant who had resigned himself to ageing without any ambition. Tachibana is in love with Kondo.

This age-gap romance could have gone any other way but it went with the kindest, most sensitive treatment to its characters with neither condemnation nor approval. The story goes from Tachibana's fledgling affections and pivots to Kondo's struggle to find self-worth when his dreams had faded away. And all of this came about when he realizes that someone can love him for all his failings and forces him to take a long hard look and to reconnect with friends and his passions.

The anime then becomes a 12-episode long metaphor for rain, making use of its various traits as clever figurative language. They water each other, and grow beyond their injuries and histories. And like rain, they comfort, and sometimes inconvenience, but above all, they purify and makes things new again.

Best Comedy/ Best Cute Girl Anime

Yuru Camp - Laid-back Camp

Oh, one day you will go away from this

Oh, one day you will know we’re men of snow

We melt one day

Shima Rin is a quiet girl with a streak of independence, preferring to camp by herself. When a camping trip is crashed by Kagamihara Nadeshiko, an irrepressibly energetic girl who discovers the joys of winter camping for the first time, she reaches out of herself, and discovers the quiet pleasures that come with having an experience alongside other people.

It's so strange why I find myself laughing up in this series. The humor is diverse from acorns suddenly talking to Kagamihara and Shima Rin playing each other off like an elder couple. The humor pulls itself from out of the blue, from events where you don't expect them and they work.

And when the series isn't making you laugh, it's making you awe in wonder at Nature with beautifully rendered landscapes and a very, very cozy atmosphere of good sights, good food, and good friends.

When Non Non Biyori, another slice-of-life anime with stunning visuals and light tone, ended, I thought there would never be another show to approximate it. It’s here, it’s funny, it’s warm and it’s called Yuru Camp.

Honorable Mention

3-Gatsu no Lion - March Comes in Like a Lion

Oh my friends I am heavy Can I beat within your heart? Can I bleed within your love?

There's nothing more to add what I haven't said before: Chica Umino has crafted a live beating heart of a world that protagonist Kiriyama Rei lives in. Centered on Shogi, growing up, and coming to terms with the choices we've made in life are repeating themes even as they are shuffled and played with to differing effect.

Instead of an everyday that we tend to take for granted, every scene carries the weight of ultimate significance, where even tertiary characters are given history and language, their character represented and described in visual metaphor. From the weighty cloth sashes of a history of carrying the lost dreams of friends, to a colorless, rain-soaked painting of existence as payment for perfection in Shogi, the show makes use of the medium to its fullest. And if that's not enough to entice you, the last episode has the greatest first eight minutes to ever grace the medium.

Best Sci-Fi/ Fantasy

Mahou Tsukai no Yome - The Ancient Magus' Bride

You lean towards despair Any given opportunity you're there But what is there to gain? When you're always falling off the fence that way.

The romance between Japanese girl Hatori Chise and mage Elias Ainsworth comes to a head as she steps into her destiny as mage and fights off her impending death. Her growth as a person and her maturity were a pleasure to watch as she rotates through aspects of the feminine: as friend, as sister, as a mother, and as a wife. Her hero's journey is as much a repaving of the road she was supposed to take, destroyed by the past and discouraged by the future.

Best Girl

Takagi (Karakai Jozu no Takagi-san - Skilled Teaser Takagi-san)

Takagi is the queen of smug anime girls, dishing out an endless torrent of teasing upon her sole target, childhood friend Nishikata. It's endlessly entertaining to see Takagi win the upper-hand in every matchup between the two wits because she is exceptionally skilled in reading Nishikata and lucky in circumstances that depend on chance.

But as sweet as this youthful play is, it's easy to see that while Takagi runs circles around Nishikata, she always stops short of coming too close, unable to convey her affection past anything more than mere play and impenetrable smile.

Best OP

Flashback - MIYAVI Vs KenKen (Kokkoku -  Moment by Moment)

TV Size: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhBA6ynorvc

Full: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79IYCjmP_RM

Infectiously catchy, Flashback bounces along with rude guitar licks and a drop made of clouds and pins, propelling the viewer through a sense of excitement, strangeness, and dread alongside unnaturally tinted scenes of dark neon and tall, boxed typography.

Best ED

Ref:rain - Aimer (Koi wa Ameagari No You ni - After the Rain)

TV Size: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbVahv8rcQY

Full Size: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLbOid9mRi4

This was the pick for the sole reason of the song, which is an astoundingly moving ballad which (from the OP, the show, and this ED) again uses rain, this time as a metaphor for desire and fears of regret. The visuals are spartan and entirely aesthetic, of raindrops on an umbrella and then zooming shots of Tachibana as she slowly comes into color.