#TH 04. ┊ snippets of domestic bliss. ( FELIEN. )

[huyaoxiaozi]

@feilien | CONT.

Getting out of bed that morning had been more difficult than ever before. Matt was here, peacefully asleep in his arms, warmth and safety enveloping them both, even if it was temporary. He'd wanted nothing more than to stay there for as long as Matt wanted; he wouldn't have cared if it had been all day long. Having the chance to laze in bed all day with someone he adored sounded heavenly.

Unfortunately, Li Ming had a job for him to do nearby — so, Zane had carefully extracted himself from Matt so he wouldn't wake him and briefly went to get the sketching supplies to keep him busy whenever he woke. It was the best way he could think of to still take care of Matt even while he was away, in more ways than one. Then there was nothing left to do but to get the job done.

When he returned hours later, the apartment was dark. At first, Zane thought Matt must still be asleep — but, when he flipped on the light switch, he saw Matt hunched over the sketchbook, drawing away. Their eyes met and Zane couldn't have stopped the warm, affectionate crooked smile that tugged at his lips if he'd tried. He set their take out bags on the counter first then approached Matt from behind where he sat on the couch. Zane leaned down to wrap his arms around Matt's shoulders with a sigh as he peered at what he'd been working on. With a swell of pride, he saw that several pages had already been used.

Zane nudged the side of Matt's head with his own. ❝Was there a reason you've been drawing in the dark this whole time? You're already practically blind,❞ he teased lightly, his voice a low rumble close to Matt ear… and then, he was already pressing a kiss against the others jaw, a couple against his neck, breathing him in. Zane just couldn't help himself.

[huyaoxiaozi]

       Zane offered nothing but a playful scoff at Matt's efficiency comment, but otherwise he said nothing. In truth, if he could've stayed curled up in bed with him all morning long, he would have. Just the thought of their cacoon of warmth, being engulfed by Matt's scent, relishing in being able to wrap his arms around him, slide his fingers through his hair ... it simply made the longing, the need relentless in its intensity. It brought him some solace to think about not having to hide anymore, when Matt would no longer be ensnared. He wasn't there yet ... but Zane had to believe he could get there eventually.

He believed in Matt — even though he knew for a fact that it would feel like Matt's entire world was crumbling beneath him. Zane would do what he had to do and he would make sure the boy he'd always loved would have somewhere safe to land when it did.

He didn't want to linger on it, not now. Not when they sat close, shoulders nearly touching as Matt spoke with his mouth full. Why it was so incredibly endearing that it made something warm and soft unfurl in Zane's chest he didn't know. He watched Matt for a moment, a fond smile curling at his lips — but he turned his attention to his own food and started digging in himself.

❝So, what you're saying is,❞ he began, casting Matt another quick glance, dark brows quirking upward with emphasis. ❝For a normal person, it probably would hurt like hell. Noted. See? I still speak your language fluently.❞ Of course, Zane was teasing him. Ever since they were teenagers, there was just something about the way Matt's brows furrowed together that made lightly annoying him so much fun.

 “Efficient would’ve been if you had been here all along,” Long Zhi fired back casually, as though he hadn’t completely freaked out first thing, thinking Zane was gone for good. Not that he’d ever lose a word about that, of course. That was definitely not something the other needed to know about. And although Zane calling him his boyfriend no doubt made his heart skip a few beats, it also brought along a pang of guilt for doubting him—even if only for a brief moment. And it made him wonder what he would’ve done, had Zane not left a note behind.

 Fortunately, he couldn’t pursue that train of thought any further as he was immediately distracted by the warm food in his lap. It made him realize that he hadn’t eaten anything since shortly after he’d gotten up, and just how hungry he actually was. Being so hyper-focused on drawing had really made him forget about everything, hadn’t it? Not that he minded it, of course.

 The bump to his shoulder made him pause the unpacking of his food for a moment, and he just glanced over at Zane, feeling himself suddenly being filled with a comforting warmth. It took Long Zhi a moment, but then he finally found a word for that warmth: happiness. Love, and happiness. Nothing more. No fear, no need to prove himself, no pressure to earn it. It was... Nice. Temporary, but nice nonetheless. And he sure as hell would enjoy it for however long it lasted.

 “No worries. I have a high pain tolerance,” he shrugged nonchalantly and shovelled some of the food in his mouth as though he’d been starving for days. “So I’m alright, despite the hunching. But it’s still bleeding through the bandages quite a bit, so changing them is probably a good call.”

[huyaoxiaozi]

       The only response to Matt's retort about his bad eyesight was a low chuckle, followed by a sarcastic sounding mmhm. Otherwise, Zane let him continue — although, he did feel a stab of guilt for making Matt jump. He'd considered giving him more of a warning, but ... it was just so easy and natural to reach for him without thinking much about it. Zane would have to be more mindful in the future, but ... over time, he assumed it would happen less and less. He thought Matt's eventual freedom would help too, of course. They were a long ways off from that, however.

       ❝It's about four thirty-ish,❞ Zane answered easily. Then, he gently pulled one of his arms from Matt's grasp so he could curl his fingers beneath the other's chin, urging him to tilt his head at just the right angle. He leaned in to steal a kiss — but he let this one linger, unlike the brief ones they'd shared the night before. Zane wasted no time seeking something deeper, but it was nothing like the desperate, heated kisses in their youth. This was languid and soft in its depth, like he'd been thinking about this kiss all day long and perhaps he had.

       They parted for breath soon enough and Zane rested his forehead against Matt's temple, his eyes remaining closed. ❝Sorry for startling you, by the way,❞ he murmured. ❝But ... I'm atoning for my sins by bringing you good food ... and my undivided attention. I hope you can forgive me.❞ The playful, but very true inclination to add an I love you lingered on the tip of Zane's tongue, but he swallowed it down. Things were already complicated, he certainly didn't need to add that to the mix.

 Long Zhi nearly jumped out of his skin when he suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around his shoulders. He’d been so zoned in, that he hadn’t heard Zane walk in, nor approach him. Hell, he hadn’t even realized that it had gotten dark in the meantime. Sure, he’d had to hunch over the sketchbook a little more, maybe even squint his eyes, but it hadn’t really dawned on him that it had been because it had gotten dark.

 How much time had passed? How long had he been at this? Judging by the several pages he’d filled… a few hours, at least. It felt like minutes at best.

 “I... Didn’t realize it had gotten dark,” he admitted truthfully, and with a shrug of his shoulders. “Besides,” Long Zhi sighed, mostly because of the very distracting lips that made it impossible to focus on the pen in his hand; or anything else, for that matter, “I’m only slightly blind, thank you very much.”

 Finally, Long Zhi set the sketchbook and pen aside, before resting his hands on Zane’s arms, glancing up at him as best as he could from his current position. “I haven’t touched a sketchbook in at least a couple of years. I forgot how good it felt to hold a pen, instead of a knife. So I think I lost track of time, and just about everything else. How late is it?”

[huyaoxiaozi]

       ❝Excuse me,❞ Zane muttered, his tone conveying nothing but exaggerated teasing.❝I have been very efficient in my time management today, thank you very much. There's been a boyfriend to get back to and I take that very seriously.❞ He pressed one last kiss just beneath Matt's jawline and, with a reluctant sigh, he pulled away, turning to make his way back to the counter where their takeout was waiting.

       Zane returned moments later and reached over from behind the couch, gently placing one bag in Matt's lap. ❝Here,❞ he said, then he made his way around to settle in next to him, once again offering an affectionate bump of his shoulder against Matt's, purely out of habit. All of this ... it felt incredibly domestic and, for the time being, he felt like they could pretend they were normal. They could forget how complicated things were and just be together. While it certainly brightened Zane's spirits, he couldn't entirely ignore the longing ache it left behind.

       ❝How are you feeling? ❞ He went on to ask, tone softening as he cast Matt a glance. Zane busied his hands with taking containers out of his own bag and placing them on the coffee table, but ... his gaze swept over him, watching for any signs of pain now. ❝We should change your bandages — but I thought you'd want to eat first.❞

 “Four thirty isn’t that bad. It’s not even that dark yet.” He paused for a moment, looking around. There was, of course, no clock around. “It is four thirty in the afternoon, right?” How, exactly, he’d lost track of time this badly, Long Zhi wasn’t sure. He honestly had no idea that he could even get this absorbed into drawing, when given the opportunity. He’d never had more than maybe twenty or thirty minutes at a time, and even then he’d always had to look over his shoulders in fear of being found out. It had been… freeing, to say the least.

 When he felt Zane’s fingers beneath his chin, he knew immediately what it meant and could once again feel his heart skip several beats inside of his chest the moment their lips met. Somehow, it was familiar and new, both at the same time. And it also seemed to leave him wanting more, made him want to grab Zane by his shirt and pull him close until even air wouldn’t fit between them anymore. It was comforting, and maddening, and terrifying. And addicting. So damn addicting.

 All these years, and absolutely nothing had changed. Except that they were older now, and things far more complicated.

 Long Zhi, too, closed his eyes for a moment and let out a quiet, content sigh once they parted. “There’s nothing to forgive you for. But I’ll take the food and your undivided attention nonetheless.” Moving the sketchbook from the couch to the table, he patted the space next to him. “Come on. Grab that food and sit down. You’ve already wasted enough time today.”