#Super creepy on a life size thing I'd imagine

[phoenixcatch7]

The Wayne doll house

Have some haunted doll au, since it's been bubbling away in my mind.

The bat cave is large and sprawling, many layers and tunnels and hollowed out cracks in the walls. It takes many years to fully reinforce to prevent stray kids from tripping into stagnant waters or fall down crags as he once did. The doll cave, as it becomes known, is in one of the deepest, darkest corners, one where the lights of the furnished caverns above don't reach.

It's one late night sitting at the computer when it suddenly occurs to Bruce that his first encounter with a doll was at the well entrance, many levels above.

There was nothing there when he went back.

-

The justice league stared at the subaru. The subaru, having no eyes, did not stare back.

The seven of them had just finished a very long, arduous mission, and narrowly escaped government censure after the base they'd been raiding had turned out to belong to some corrupt official. With the alert up, they couldn't escape through city airspace, or even in their hero suits.

So civilian it was.

Batman had hotwired some bloke's car while the rest of them ducked into alleys and shop bathrooms, but the problem remained. There was seven of them. And five seats.

"I can shift into something more suitable for being carried," suggested j'onn, "but I believe one of us might have to hide."

"Foot well?" Hal tried, and everyone looked around at the tall, bulky, broad heroes.

"Think they'd have to go in the boot," Barry finally said. Everyone immediately turned to him. "No."

Batman spoke up before the discussion could devolve.

"I think.... I would be best for that."

The team stared.

"Batsy?"

Having no lungs meant he could not drag in the tired sigh he wished, but whatever force allowed this body to talk was capable of approximating something suitably resigned.

"As I am, I am... incapable of fully passing as human. It would be best if I remained out of sight."

"So just? Go change? I swear we won't be weird about whoever you are under the mask. Even if you're like, bald."

"Thank you, Wally, but I'm afraid I'm being serious." Reaching for the mask in broad daylight was unpleasant, but the glue and wires held as he gave it a few thorough tugs. "It doesn't detach."

Everyone stared. Clark reached out as if he wanted to check, but withdrew.

"Do you even have a civilian identity??" Oliver eventually asked. "Because at this point I'm genuinely not sure."

Wayne Enterprises and Queen Industries had a meeting that same evening. "Hn."

"Can we go back to the 'incapable of passing as human' part?!"

"We can discuss it in the car," he snapped, stalking past Barry and popping the boot. "In case you haven't forgotten, we're on a time limit."

For once, that seemed to encourage them, and batman, with great dignity, folded his joints and cape into the small space, ignoring Hal's mutter of 'what kind of contortionist -' as he slammed the lid. With a little shuffling he managed to activate his comms.

"I will inform the watchtower of our delay."

"Batman, they're tapping all outgoing signals, you can't -"

"It won't trigger," he interrupted, before he twisted his consciousness and sent it spiralling across the country.

Bruce awoke with a groan, stretching his limbs and taking a moment to marinate in his annoyance before he reached for the comm and voice modulator on the beside table.

"Batman to watchtower, we've encountered delays. If the Texan state government calls we haven't entered the state in six weeks. Batman out."

-

"Alien?"

"No."

"Reanimated corpse?"

"No."

"Uh... Demon?"

"Hm. No."

"You're not just a meta human, are you?"

"No."

"Vampire?"

"No."

"Robot??"

"No."

"Batsy, please, someone's got to win the bet eventually. How do we even know you're not lying?!"

"You don't," Batman said, not looking up from his paperwork and Flash groaned, letting his sticky notes fall to the floor as he buried his head in his arms.

"One day," he bemoaned to the keyboard, "one day we'll figure it out."

"Until then please keep your eyes on the monitors."

Flash groaned again.

-

Robin ducked under superman's arm as he scuttled down the corridor, laden with the night's haul of snacks. The real problem wasn't getting them - stopping league members from raiding the kitchen would be extremely counterproductive - but keeping them until he could return home to his human body to eat them. Batman had started searching him each time they left and it was really cutting into his daily sugar intake. Unfair! Just because he didn't actually use energy to stay up my night to fight crime, it felt like he did!!

'Oh, you're broken, Robin, oh, don't go out until the glue has fully set, Robin' his arm was fine! It wasn't like there was much crime to be fought on the watchtower anyway! At least not physically.

So he was pretty pleased with himself until he went to set the snacks down and found that the tar like glue they used had soaked through the sleeve and gotten all over his chocolates.

With his other hand, he tried to pry them off, wincing as the wrappers tore and stuck. He tried to shake it, ignoring the way his elbow rattled in the joint.

"Come on, come on - aw, cheezits."

The arm fell off. Robin stared despondently at the limb, surrounded by torn wrappers and dripping black glue where it connected to the elbow. The sour stink of formaldehyde filled the air.

He was going to be in such trouble with Bruce.

The click of the door jerked his head up.

Flash stood in the doorway, wide eyed. Robin stared back.

Flash screamed.

Oh yeah @dehydratedmockingbird have a thing

[doubledyke]

3, 7, 8, 11, 12, 14, 20, 21, 26, and 30 for Ed please!!

thanks for sending me these asks guys lol it's nice to have something to occupy my gay and stupid time

3. a song that reminds me of him: i realized that i forgot to put DG on my ed playlist and i could kick myself for that.

this song is what i imagine the inside of ed's head sounds like.

and then any primus song.

7. a quote of his that i remember: BRO i'm a fucking child and this one always stands out

also when jimmy is dressed as a bird and falls out of a tree and ed goes "awwww it is twitching.."

8. my favorite outfit of his: ed looks adorable in everything tbh

i always forget that s6 was a thing so i forgot to include his winter outfit on my tier list but it's an easy A. i love his collection of trapper hats lol.

11. what's the first thing i think about when i think of ed: hmm i guess our shared interest in all things grotesque and horror themed. i'm not super into the comics or movies myself, but i think ed would appreciate a good void meme and he'd for sure be a creepy pasta kid. the type of guy to have halloween decorations up all year. and i'm not talkin about kitschy little pumpkins and black cats. he is without hesitation dropping hundreds and more likely thousands of dollars on life size animatronics of regan macneil and the pale man from pan's labyrinth, etc.

12. sexuality hc: i can definitely see ed being aroace, but i also like to pair him with may because it's cute and fun. i don't think gender plays a role in his attraction to anyone. or anything?

14. best story line he had: rock-a-bye ed is kinda dark so i like that one. the day the ed stood still is really fun and funny. and of course little ed blue is a great episode.

20. a weird headcanon: i'm so annoying lol all i do is think and talk about these dorks and when someone asks a question i'm like "uhhhhhhhhhhhh"... idk it's not that weird for ed but i see him being a bit of a conspiracy theorist. like he might end up being a prepper later in life lmfao. ed as a flat earther? ed as a moon landing truther? idk if i'd go that far but it would be funny to see him and edd arguing about those things the same way they did about a chunk of cheese. edd would have to be put on oxygen afterwards.

21. when do i think he was at his happiest: probably in the day the ed stood still... and any time he gets to be around his friends. summer in general is probably the time that he's happiest because he doesn't have to worry about the oppressive institution that is public education.

26. when do i think he was being himself the most: .....the day the ed stood still?? haha. i don't think ed really hides who he is beyond refraining from kidnapping kids and sticking them to his wall with coagulated cereal and saliva most days. that's what makes him great, and different from the other eds. the very first time we meet ed, he's in his basement surrounded by filth, watching movies with a big doofy smile.

that's ed and he's precious.

30. funniest scene he had: it's hard to name an entire/specific scene. i tend to remember little snippets that make me laugh to myself when i think of them. i do get a kick out of the way that in so many scenes edd will be falling to pieces, eddy's getting curb stomped...and you look at ed in the background and without fail he's just standing there like 😀

[schizodelicpunk]

Oh! Someone else who's psychotic and a drug user! We're schizophrenic and have been interested in psychedelics, can we hear about your experience doing them while schizospec? Any advice in relation to being schizospec?

!!! Invitation to infodump about drug hyperfixation !!!

So. I've been using psychs for probably around 6 months, so I'm not super experienced, but here's what I've got so far

The main thing I've noticed with psychs is that they affect me a lot more than sane people. The first time I did mushrooms, I had a good sized dosage but nothing crazy, I got the most insane visuals. Melting faces, colors everywhere, auras, etc. This can be really fucking cool and beautiful, but it also makes a bad trip WAY worse, it will send you into full blown psychosis. I've had three drug-induced psychotic episodes, which I will describe here.

The first, and by far worst, episode I ever had was off of just 2 tabs of acid. The other people around me who were on 2 tabs experienced nothing like it. Visuals started only like 5-10 minutes after I took it, which is... Not Normal. It normally takes 30. This freaked me out and was probably the reason my trip went bad. I didn't tell my tripsitter because I thought I had messed it up by accidentally swallowing the tab instead of letting it dissolve (I know now that swallowing it actually makes it LESS potent, I don't want to imagine what would've happened if I hadn't swallowed the tab). By the time it hit the other people in my group, my visuals were so intense I could barely see in front of me. I'm missing a lot of memory from that night, but I do remember being very disoriented and scared. When I entered the full psychotic event it was a lot of looping and metaphors for my childhood. The next phase of the trip revolved around the concept of intensity (presumably because I was overstimulated). I kept waking up into new realities in the most intense moment of my life in that reality. I watched my dog die repeatedly and people I cared about get deeply hurt. It's actually really hard to talk about and I had to go take a nicotine break while writing this lol. The most intense and terrifying and deeply traumatizing part of the episode was watching the world end. I eventually woke up into this other dimension with alternate versions of the people I knew in this life. They welcomed me back, explained as quickly as they could that this was the end. This was the place I woke up after every most intense moment of my life and that the world was now going to end. I remember a feeling of "oh my God, they're real. I didn't dream them up." And I lay there, leaning against the gorey corpse of my dog, and watched the sun explode and atomize us all. I felt the pain of my body being destroyed. It's the most pain I've ever felt in my life. Even such a minimal and vague description of the event is enough to make me feel like I'm there again and is giving me creepy auditory hallucinations. This is not an attempt to scare you away from psychedelics, but a warning that you have to be EXTREMELY careful with them if you are prone to psychotic symptoms. The tips I'd give based on this event:

Up your dosages VERY slowly

Keep calm when something unexpected happens

Talk to your tripsitter, I don't care how embarrassed you are, if I had caught this earlier I would not have been through such a traumatizing event

The second psychotic event was a small dose of mushrooms, but I'd also had weed right before I took them. I was also currently in possession of a small amount of meth that I was keeping from my at the time partner. This was stressing me out massively and I had also just realized that I was probably developing schizophrenia, another stressor. The combination of weed and stress was probably the reason this trip went so bad. This trip was a lot less visceral and was more characterized by paranoia. I was also convinced my life was some sort of game and the two paths were correlated to my partner at the time and my now girlfriend. I experienced more schizophrenic symptoms like word salad and cognitive issues. I also kept hearing words wrong. One of the people I was with said something about me being schizophrenic and I heard "satanic".

Notes:

Don't mix weed and psychedelics

Do not take psychs when you are stressed

The final event was off of RSO. Just weed. That freaked me out cuz I'd never experienced psychotic symptoms from weed, and I'd had RSO in the same dosage two other times and never had any psychotic or psychedelic effects. I had some RSO and then went to take a nap with my girlfriend. When I woke up I had visual distortions that looked similar to the ones that I had in my first psychotic event. This triggered me and made me freak out. I couldn't move or speak and just sat there in my girlfriend's arms, trembling. My partner (same one from previous event) did not notice and was lightheartedly tormenting me, he shut my four cats and my dog in the tent with me. Every time one of the animals passed my eyes it looked dead. When they finally realized something was wrong they helped me out of the tent and set me up on the bench. I tried to use nicotine and alcohol to make the trip die down but it didn't work. As it progressed I ended up looping. I would see too many patterns between realities and it would reveal more and more realities until I was seeing everything at once. Since a human brain can't process everything at once it looked like this massive spiral of everything and nothing all at once and there was this terrifying feeling that I'd get lost in it and never come back. When my partner tried to snap me out of it, the way he frantically called my name reminded me too much of how I woke up into the world ending reality and freaked me out and I would spiral again. It just kept looping until the RSO wore off.

Notes:

Every time you experience a psychotic event, it gets easier for it to happen again

Being scared makes it worse

Bad stuff out of the way, I want to point out that it's only gone bad for me 3 times and I have tripped probably 20-30 times. Most trips are very lovely and beautiful. I once had a mushroom trip that just brought me so much inner peace I couldn't be mad at anyone for anything. I was struck with the realization that every single person in the world is doing their best. No one is going through life trying to do bad things, they're all just trying to manage their own shit. And the city lights on acid are the most beautiful, sparkly thing I have ever seen. If you want to do psychedelics I do wholeheartedly recommend them, but you do have to be VERY careful if you are psychotic. Sorry if this was more negative than you& were expecting, but I think it's important to know the risks involved. Psychedelics are the cause of some of the best things in my life, but they also caused the very worst thing I have ever experienced.

[secondsofhappiness]

THANK YOU so so much for posting your photographs from the village tour. You look so happy to be there. Can you tell us any stuff from the tour because so many of us can't get to go and I'd really like to know the things you said they told you about filming there. I hope you come back very soon ☺️

Aww thank you so much!

Of course, I’d be so happy to. I wish you could all go visit, as a really big fan it was rather special for me so I wish there was a way for us all to go.

I’m sure this kind of thing has been done before but I’m happy to post everything I can remember! I was like a school kid, I’m sure the tour guide thought I was an enormous nerd but I wasn’t the only excited one.

MY EMMERDALE VILLAGE TOUR REPORT ❤️

First off, I’ve visited quite a few TV sets with work and attended a few studio TV tapings but this place is something else. It’s so immersive. It’s little wonder the cast feel like it’s home, it feels so real and is absolutely cared for and feels extremely lived in.

It’s tiny in real life though. Not the village itself (I think the “set” is 11 acres they said but the houses. They look SO SMALL and everything feels dainty which was precious to me, the Woolpack specifically. It’s so iconic and yet when I saw it, I awww-ed :)

For those of you who are planning on going at some point, it might be a shame to know all this before you go as the tour guides seem to tell people the same stuff so I’d maybe not read - wanted to warn in case!

It’s a little long so be prepared!

Ok, so first off, for me the thing that struck me was how green it was and how perfectly the village fit into the surroundings. It feels VERY real and is so bedded into the grounds that they barely need to do anything to make it appear “life like”. There is a gardener (one lady!) who looks after all of the plants/trees and foliage. She has her work cut out as most of the greenery is real but it obviously reacts to seasonal changes so due to how far in advance they tape, she is sometimes up against it and has to glue leaves to trees or add extra flowers in or potentially has to replace or hide foliage with stuff to make it look dead. I spotted a few fake plants too, especially in tubs and pots. She keeps her equipment in Tall Trees (Marlon’s house) which is actually located behind the cricket pavilion over the “bridge of tears”. I did NOT know Marlon lived so far out of the village, actually the opposite side of the village to The Dingles. There are issues with grass though. Some areas get worn away and there was a rule on the tour not to stand on it because they’d be filming Monday etc. So all of the grass outside of David’s shop is fake and there’s also a patch of fake grass near the bus stop and the Thomas’ cottage (Mulberry).

There are things that are placed VERY differently to how they seem on the show which makes the tour pretty funny at first. The Sharmas is less then a 30 second walk from the factory in reality but Jai uses his car to travel there… haha. The Sharma’s house is definitely supposed to be elsewhere but in reality it’s right next to Wishing Well! Same with the scrap yard… it’s mega close to the village but Rob’s always driving there and giving Aaron a lift etc. Dude just wants to have Aaron in his car!

Also, hilariously, (someone who has done the tour can correct me on this if I’m wrong) but I’m almost certain that the road in from the security hut that allows you on site is the “Robron first kiss” road… which, if I’m right and let’s face it, we’d recognise that road anywhere, is a short walk from the village. So Rob’s whole “I’m stranded, save me Aaron!” thing becomes hysterically funny.

Butler’s Farm is set alone out of the village near a local pub and looks as quaint and is pretty much a working farm…!

The Dingles, Pollard’s house and The Scrap Yard are all set a little outside the village (a very short walk) and so aren’t on the tour. Home Farm also isn’t a set, external shots are filmed at a nearby estate which I always expected but when Declan set fire to it (ah happy memories) I presumed it was a set… and I was right! They did build a version or started to build a HF set but planning permission failed so, they set fire to it! SO THIS MEANS MY DREAMS OF A FULL HF FIRE ARE DASHED :( Dog is going to have to find a different method than knocking over a candle!

As most people know, most of the inside stuff is in the Kirkstall Road studio in Leeds but there are a few indoor sets at the village including the B&B, the church, the village hall, the vet surgery, Rhona’s cottage, Eric’s House, the pirate ship and the barns (I think they’re all of the interior sets at the village). They do have a Woolpack set that can be placed inside the village Woolpack building because they used it for the Live episode but it’s rarely required.

The Barns! Ok, so we’ve all been a bit confused about the barns on the show and which is which so one of my aims while I was there was to work that shiz out. First of all, it’s probably important to say that I got mega excited seeing the barn where Sarah died. It took me right back and it’s quite far out of the village and is the security hut to allow you onto the set. It’s quite bleak where it is so I can imagine in Winter it’s mega exposed.

The “near proposal/bread barn/affair barn” is just a random barn on the way into the village. It’s close to The Dingles and not far from the scrap yard etc but is just this little random barn… and is entirely separate but hilariously overlooked so you can’t exactly be inconspicuous! It’s a different barn to the one Charity and Ross got it on in and Sarah found Faith in as that’s a much smaller barn further out of the village. Hilarious how many random barns there are!

The graveyard is something I was surprised by! I thought they’d just put the graves out there when they needed them but nope, if a gravestone has been shown on the show then it’s an ACTUAL gravestone buried into the ground so there were so many recognisable ones - especially for long time viewers! Half the King family take up a corner…! Sarah’s is off by herself at the top (definitely felt super special seeing that!) and Val’s sits proudly in the centre at all times!!! We saw Ashley’s cross and apparently they use that cross for all characters so it just gets moved around hahaha. They’re apparently giving Ashley his own grave stone (obviously!) so it’ll be shown in the show at some point. The other random graves are actual gravestones taken from a graveyard in London somewhere as it was being “closed”… creepy. Some ex- crew who were heavily involved in the early success of the show have their own graves!

The village was built in 1997 but obviously had to be made to look worn in, old and imbedded. They used a yoghurt and manure mixture on the walls to encourage lichen to grow! They also used grinders on stone steps and other techniques to make the houses/stone work appear worn from use/weather.

The cars. I kind of got a bit excited as the first thing I saw was The Dingles van. Most of the cars are purchased by the show but some are actually the cars of crew members… apparently Cain’s BMW belongs to the cleaner! I was gutted I couldn’t see Rob’s Porsche but I was told some cars are kept at the scrap yard and as much as I tried, I couldn’t spot it. They had a car park near the drop off point that had character cars in it and I saw “the digger” hahaha, had a giggle to myself.

The fact that the buildings are either empty, shells or are used as make-up, costumes, toilets (Ness’ cottage is the toilets!) or prop storage, it means that obviously special effects are required to make them look lived in. That includes smoke from chimneys, interior lighting etc which is all via remote control. I found that incredibly cool. They all have entrance ways built onto them so when the characters are at their doors, it looks like it’s an actual house though, which is obvious but still a fun little detail.

Apparently the B&B has only one internal bedroom and so if they need to make it look there are more than one like if they shoot in a couple supposed to be used for guests, they just have to change the bedding and lamps etc to make it look different.

It’s hilarious looking at the size of some of the houses and wondering how the heck the families fit in ESPECIALLY The Bartons. It’s one of the smaller cottages and has like one room upstairs… haha

I actually didn’t get an answer to my question about The Mill and if any of it is on location at the village but from what I could see, the downstairs windows look dressed with pull down blinds and looks “used” but the upstairs looks blank. I’m not sure if the ground floor has an internal set (the tour guide didn’t know) or if it’s just got window dressings for external shots but either way it is HANDS DOWN the prettiest house in the village and has the most beautiful location. It looks so grand and cosy and I am biased because it was ALWAYS my favourite set when The Kings lived there and now my other faves are taking it over but genuinely, it’s mega pretty.

Another thing I found funny was the layout. I have been watching this show for nearly 22 years and I still got a shock when I realised where the village hall and church were in comparison to the rest of the village…! Hahaha. It’s so lame of me. I didn’t realise that the back gardens of the cottages that The Bartons and Vic/Adam live in back onto the village hall and that the hall and church is as far away, also the garage! How the heck did I NOT realise where it was?! I didn’t realise it was so close to the Woolpack… also the cricket pavillion is entirely NOT where I expected it to be and is also on a really steep bank. Rob and Aaron’s picnic and Gabby stripping off and all of the other scenes have NEVER made it look like it was on a proper hill! Camera magic, eh?!

And yes it is real beer/lager/ale that comes out of the pumps. The way they do it is, if a pint is being poured and scene requires the actor to drink it immediately, they’ll be drinking real alcohol but if not then their pint will be replaced by the fake stuff and if there are scenes where drinks are already poured, it’ll be fake and also if drinks are downed! That said, some of the stuff the actors drink is actually the proper stuff. Makes sense why some of them always have a swig as soon as Chas passes them it ;)

So! That’s everything I can think of. It’s probably massively boring but I thought I’d write it up anyone for those that are interested. If you can get to visit then I’d definitely recommend it. I found those moments of looking back up behind me to the empty village ESPECIALLY from the direction of The Mill Upwards towards the Pub and bus stop… that was quite special for me. It felt really strange as I’ve grown up watching these places every week night for most of my life and to stand there was surreal and all I kept saying to my friend was how pretty and peaceful it was and how homely it felt. Makes sense as it’s our lovely cosy crazy little show!

[lexicalberries]

fic: "You want this. Your rose is calling me, Kat," he growled, nudging his tip against her anal hole.

me: what. the actual. fuck.

fic: He could feel how her anal walls adjusted to his great size.

me: oh of course he has a giant dick

fic: resisting the urge to stick his cock in one of her orifices.

me: like her nostril? her eye socket?

fic: like a hungry baby she greedily closed her mouth around his tip and played with him.

me: not sure semen provides the nutrition babies need

fic: Something exploded behind his eyelids.

me: his brain, probably, from embarrassment at how terrible this is

fic: He resisted the urge to suck her tits, though they beckoned like two flashing beacons.

me: can't unsee janeway's breasts with blinking lights

fic: Just stroking her pussy had been enough to allow her muscles to relax so that he could push his engorged flesh deep into her anal passage.

me: ...

fic: A searing kiss - his tongue probed her mouth, causing him to swoon from the pleasure of it.

me: ROFL

me: THIS GOES FROM HORRIFYING TO HILARIOUS IN SECONDS

fic: "Oh, spirits! You're tight, Kat!"

fic: "Let's just say I hate dildos," was all she murmured as she gazed at him with her heated, smouldering cat-like eyes.

me: I CAN'T

fic: He held her for several heady seconds to allow her to adjust to his size.

me: just in case you'd forgotten he has a big dick

fic: He lifted her out and rammed her down on him again. So he continued the forceful ramming,

me: everyone loves a good ramming amirite

fic: he settled her on him, filling her glorious softness. No climaxing this time, just a lazy thrusting as they enjoyed their shower.

me: seems uncomfortable?

fic: the good feeling of being inside Kathryn with his mouth on hers overrode any discomfort they felt.

me: oh okay then

fic: He rode her hard and soft, slow thrusts and sudden pounding until he lost control and simply heaved in arrhythmic pushing against her.

me: um

fic: His hand stole to her centre, her soft, kind core that wanted so much of him during the night.

me: are we still talking about her vagina?

fic: Their bodies joining in slow lovemaking was everything he wanted, everything that Kathryn desired.

me: cool he's psychic now

fic: how he filled every orifice as if he belonged there

me: ...up her nose, in her ear

fic: He filled her heart and her mind and, with a sob escaping her suddenly, her soul.

me: apparently souls are filled with air. gotta equalise.

fic: Her battered soul. The one that cried out to him without her ever giving heed to those cries herself.

me: i get it, battered from the ramming

fic: He was big and almost hurt her the way he filled her to the hilt.

me: DON'T FORGET HIS ENORMOUS PENIS GUYS

fic: And Chakotay's image, his roaming hands on her body, his mouth in places she thought could never be touched by him, his manhood…Those images haunted her.

me: same bb

fic: So they were intending to marry…

me: THEY'VE HAD ONE DATE FFS

fic: A dagger with ragged points drove straight into her heart.

me: *drives dagger into brain*

fic: a waft of cool air just the right thing to soothe her raging emotions.

me: an ac vent is all you need to regain emotional equilibrium?

fic: She hadn't been to this part of the ship in a while - if four days could be called a while -

me: no. it can't.

fic: Still, the plants, the rows and rows of glass tanks, completed her sense of closeness - a closeness with the plants

me: wait, what?

fic: Kathryn walked to the tank containing her tomato plants. With a great sigh, she put her hand in and carefully fingered a ripe tomato.

me: that's probably not supposed to be sexual but tbh it's hard to tell in this fic

me: there's a bunch of slightly weird/creepy stuff about noah?? if they start going at it in hydroponics i'm out

fic: It was a stroke of inspiration that she’d appointed Noah to take charge of the hydroponics bay. He had taken to the task with a love and enthusiasm that pleased her a great deal and bore out his own entreaties that he was no murderer and killer of alien life forms. The gentle giant she called the tallest member of Voyager's crew now would do anything for her.

me: so there's that. and then this:

fic: Noah of the gentle eyes. Noah who could never in creation hurt a fly, much less a hapless alien form. She looked up at him. He stared down at her from his great height of almost two metres.

me: so i'm getting the impression he's tall?

fic: "Commander Chakotay is standing outside. I promised I'd break him in two if he hurt my captain. I'd like to know from you if I should let him in to see you or whether I should break him in two. Just say the word."

me: it got better

fic: Noah really could break Chakotay in two. The tall former Equinox officer could tear Chakotay's limbs from his body or draw and quarter her first officer in the holodeck.

me: BECAUSE HE'S TALL

fic: She didn't want to face a bleeding, broken, dead Chakotay. When all was said and done, she still needed her first officer.

me: OLOLOL

me: NO NO WAIT IT'S DECLARATION TIME I JUST WANT TO CP ALL OF IT IN ITS MAGNIFICENCE

fic: Not only did he keep her hands imprisoned in his, he also gazed deeply into her eyes, like she had caught him once or twice before, on New Earth, and once, when they had had dinner together in her quarters. His eyes were warm,

me: the next bit is in italics yasss

fic: loving… and during the night, when she had imagined she saw love in his eyes…

me: while he was ramming her, obvs

fic: "C-Chakotay…?" she stammered, unsure of what to make of his look of love.

fic: "Kathryn," he began hoarsely,

me: wait for iiiiiit

fic: "no one knows about the night we shared. I made sure of that. It was the most beautiful thing that happened to me. I'm sorry about what I did at the start." She nodded mutely, a tear forming and rolling down her cheek as she remembered with embarrassment the anal sex.

me: AS SHE REMEMBERED WITH EMBARRASSMENT THE ANAL SEX

fic: "It wasn't my intention, but you…you brought out the untamed in me. You did things to me that…"

me: pretty sure it was you doing all the DOING

fic: hope flared like a giant flame in her heart.

me: let us pause and contemplate just how many things are burning in this fic

fic: "Chakotay, w-what are you saying?" she asked, too afraid to hear his answer.

me: THEN WHY DID YOU ASK THE QUESTION

fic: "As I said, no one knows about our night of passion. But Kathryn, I was desperate - "

fic: "No, Chakotay. I was the one who was desperate, who threw myself at your mercy, begging for a f - " His fingers against her lips stopped the crudity from her.

me: damn it chakotay!

fic: "You tricked me…?!" she whispered incredulously, but too overjoyed to be mad at him.

me: OH HELL NO

fic: "Seven of Nine went along with my plan, Kathryn. She really is a kind friend. I knew that of all the women on board Voyager you would most likely resent seeing me with, it would be her. And she loves you, Kathryn. More than you think."

me: plus she thought it'd be hilarious

fic: "She didn't want to go along at first, but B'Elanna and Tom convinced her she was doing it for the ship. For me. For you."

me: to recap: the entire crew of voyager was in on a plan to convince janeway that chakotay was dating seven in order to induce her jealousy. said jealousy would prove to be so strong that she'd act on her heretofore unacknowledged feelings for chakotay despite believing that any such actions on her part would mean hurting not one but two people she cares for. and of them all seven was the only one who thought maybe it wasn't a great idea? everyone else was super okay with lying and hurting the captain.

me: YEAH THAT'S A GREAT WAY TO SHOW YOU LOVE HER.

me: the characterisation is terrible, the sex is terrible, the writing itself is terrible. but the absolute worst thing about this fic is that the author (and several others so far) seem to think breaking someone's trust is a perfectly fine and even romantic thing to do. and given what chakotay's gone through in terms of betrayal in romantic relationships he'd be the very last person to do such a thing.

me: manipulation is not love. tricking someone is not romantic. if you can do that 'for their own good' then you can also do it to hurt them. the ends do not justify the means! chakotay would never do that! janeway would never do that!

me: *curls into protective ball around them*

[seperhim]

THANK YOU SO MUCH OP FOR TAGGING ME!!!

The Wayne doll house

Have some haunted doll au, since it's been bubbling away in my mind.

The bat cave is large and sprawling, many layers and tunnels and hollowed out cracks in the walls. It takes many years to fully reinforce to prevent stray kids from tripping into stagnant waters or fall down crags as he once did. The doll cave, as it becomes known, is in one of the deepest, darkest corners, one where the lights of the furnished caverns above don't reach.

It's one late night sitting at the computer when it suddenly occurs to Bruce that his first encounter with a doll was at the well entrance, many levels above.

There was nothing there when he went back.

-

The justice league stared at the subaru. The subaru, having no eyes, did not stare back.

The seven of them had just finished a very long, arduous mission, and narrowly escaped government censure after the base they'd been raiding had turned out to belong to some corrupt official. With the alert up, they couldn't escape through city airspace, or even in their hero suits.

So civilian it was.

Batman had hotwired some bloke's car while the rest of them ducked into alleys and shop bathrooms, but the problem remained. There was seven of them. And five seats.

"I can shift into something more suitable for being carried," suggested j'onn, "but I believe one of us might have to hide."

"Foot well?" Hal tried, and everyone looked around at the tall, bulky, broad heroes.

"Think they'd have to go in the boot," Barry finally said. Everyone immediately turned to him. "No."

Batman spoke up before the discussion could devolve.

"I think.... I would be best for that."

The team stared.

"Batsy?"

Having no lungs meant he could not drag in the tired sigh he wished, but whatever force allowed this body to talk was capable of approximating something suitably resigned.

"As I am, I am... incapable of fully passing as human. It would be best if I remained out of sight."

"So just? Go change? I swear we won't be weird about whoever you are under the mask. Even if you're like, bald."

"Thank you, Wally, but I'm afraid I'm being serious." Reaching for the mask in broad daylight was unpleasant, but the glue and wires held as he gave it a few thorough tugs. "It doesn't detach."

Everyone stared. Clark reached out as if he wanted to check, but withdrew.

"Do you even have a civilian identity??" Oliver eventually asked. "Because at this point I'm genuinely not sure."

Wayne Enterprises and Queen Industries had a meeting that same evening. "Hn."

"Can we go back to the 'incapable of passing as human' part?!"

"We can discuss it in the car," he snapped, stalking past Barry and popping the boot. "In case you haven't forgotten, we're on a time limit."

For once, that seemed to encourage them, and batman, with great dignity, folded his joints and cape into the small space, ignoring Hal's mutter of 'what kind of contortionist -' as he slammed the lid. With a little shuffling he managed to activate his comms.

"I will inform the watchtower of our delay."

"Batman, they're tapping all outgoing signals, you can't -"

"It won't trigger," he interrupted, before he twisted his consciousness and sent it spiralling across the country.

Bruce awoke with a groan, stretching his limbs and taking a moment to marinate in his annoyance before he reached for the comm and voice modulator on the beside table.

"Batman to watchtower, we've encountered delays. If the Texan state government calls we haven't entered the state in six weeks. Batman out."

-

"Alien?"

"No."

"Reanimated corpse?"

"No."

"Uh... Demon?"

"Hm. No."

"You're not just a meta human, are you?"

"No."

"Vampire?"

"No."

"Robot??"

"No."

"Batsy, please, someone's got to win the bet eventually. How do we even know you're not lying?!"

"You don't," Batman said, not looking up from his paperwork and Flash groaned, letting his sticky notes fall to the floor as he buried his head in his arms.

"One day," he bemoaned to the keyboard, "one day we'll figure it out."

"Until then please keep your eyes on the monitors."

Flash groaned again.

-

Robin ducked under superman's arm as he scuttled down the corridor, laden with the night's haul of snacks. The real problem wasn't getting them - stopping league members from raiding the kitchen would be extremely counterproductive - but keeping them until he could return home to his human body to eat them. Batman had started searching him each time they left and it was really cutting into his daily sugar intake. Unfair! Just because he didn't actually use energy to stay up my night to fight crime, it felt like he did!!

'Oh, you're broken, Robin, oh, don't go out until the glue has fully set, Robin' his arm was fine! It wasn't like there was much crime to be fought on the watchtower anyway! At least not physically.

So he was pretty pleased with himself until he went to set the snacks down and found that the tar like glue they used had soaked through the sleeve and gotten all over his chocolates.

With his other hand, he tried to pry them off, wincing as the wrappers tore and stuck. He tried to shake it, ignoring the way his elbow rattled in the joint.

"Come on, come on - aw, cheezits."

The arm fell off. Robin stared despondently at the limb, surrounded by torn wrappers and dripping black glue where it connected to the elbow. The sour stink of formaldehyde filled the air.

He was going to be in such trouble with Bruce.

The click of the door jerked his head up.

Flash stood in the doorway, wide eyed. Robin stared back.

Flash screamed.

Oh yeah @dehydratedmockingbird have a thing