#Studied his reactions to various events and focused on how his emotions affect his thinking

[inkstainedfanfics]

The proper ending for Dean Winchester would have Dean and Sam drinking beer while leaning on the hood of the car, recalling their hunts and how much has changed since Dean showed up and dragged Sam back into hunting. Dean admits he couldn’t be certain Sam would join, then breaks up the seriousness of the moment by making a corny joke. Sam rolls his eyes and finishes his beer then pats Dean on the back. Dean finishes his beer then hands Sam the empty bottle. Wishes him well with life and the coming kid. Another bad joke, but then Dean heads to the driver’s side. He watches Sam walk up to the house, wave on the porch, then head inside.

Dean gets in the Impala. Cas is in the passenger seat. Asks Dean if he’s really ready to leave. Dean starts the Impala. Puts his sunglasses on and cranks the radio. Says something cheesy about how they’ve got another monster to hunt and it’s not going to wait for them.

Cut outside the car. The tire kicks dirt and gravel. From the porch, Sam and his wife wave. The Impala spits a dust cloud in the air, revving, then shoots forward. It hits the highway with a squeal, then there’s nothing before it except the rising sun and open road. The end guitar solo and verse of Don’t Fear the Reaper or Carry on Wayward Son blares from the speakers and echoes through the countryside. We watch as the Impala fades into the distance, camera lingering on it until the iconic license plate is no longer distinct.

Fade to black. Credits. Etc.

Just...Dean and someone he cares about and the Impala and the open road. That’s how the story began. That’s how the story should’ve ended.

[imaginaryelle]

Okay, @tonyglowheart , here is that promised response:

@three--rings  already brought up some points I was going to mention so I’ll skip over going into detail on those and just say that I agree with the use of caution and thoughtfulness in approaching works produced by other cultures (of whatever language), and I, too, love a mash-up of MDZS and CQL for ideal storytelling. Accepting genre tropes in general is really important as well. I once showed my grandfather a piece of my writing based on pulp adventure stories like Indiana Jones and his main reaction was “All these secret chambers and codes and gadgets, isn’t that all very convenient?” and I just had to shrug and say, that’s the genre, it’s part of what makes it fun to read. Also, based on reading about various medicinal histories I’ve been exploring, I can say that the coughing up blood thing is a trope based in Ancient China’s traditional medicine. Lots of pre-understanding-of-blood-circulation societies thought expelling old or stale blood was important for the body (possibly based on how menses works and reflected in Western medicine’s several-century-long obsession with bloodletting), and I recently read that having it caught in your chest and needing to cough it up was part of China’s take on things. I’m still not sure about all the other face bleeding, but if it’s not actually based in something historical it seems like a reasonable extension for the genre.

Okay, so the thing I want to respond to most is the translation bit, because I… okay. I understand that people are going to find works in translation less accessible than works written in a language they can read, and especially works written in their native language and of their own culture. Because obviously there are a ton of underlying ideas that inform word choice and symbolism and character arcs that most people just don’t really think about until they make a serious study of writing or literature (or they travel and learn more about other languages and literature traditions). On a linguistic studies level, language literally shapes the way humans in different cultures think, and what they pick out as important (an academic article that compares English and Chinese specifically can be found here). Even the distinctions between British English and American English, on a word choice and theme or syntax level, can have an impact. I have seen it turn kids off a book, because there are just too many elements they don’t get (this is, for example, why there are two English versions of Harry Potter). Same thing with different decades even. I’m talking about kidlit and YA here because that’s a lot of what I work with, but in that realm, the way we approach stories today is just incredibly different from how they were approached even 50 years ago, even in the same language and the same country. Think Judy Blume or The Dark is Rising vs Diary of a Wimpy Kid or Percy Jackson. And I’m fascinated by those changes, and by the effects of culture and bias on translations (I am extremely hyped to read Emily Wilson’s Odyssey translation, for example), so I tend to approach them as puzzles, where I’m reading the work, but also looking for clues that will tell me more about both the translator and the author to hang in balance. I enjoy that part, and I enjoy figuring out aspects of the two languages that can contribute to how a translation evolves.

I’m a language and literature nerd, and I know not everyone is going to take the approach I do.  I’m not going to fault anyone for saying they don’t enjoy or can’t get into a translation. That’s a perfectly valid opinion. Reducing a work to its translation and judging it only on that impression of it, however, seems pretty shortsighted to me. Here are some things that I think are important to keep in mind when reading a Chinese work in translation, just based on my own extremely limited knowledge:

1. In Chinese storytelling it’s an established practice to reference idioms, poetry, folklore and historic events as a sort of shorthand for evoking the proper tone. Chinese writing tends to be extremely allusive, and much more understated than what we’re used to in English-language storytelling. We can see hints of this in some of the MDZS translator notes, and it’s likely that this difference feeds into a lot of dissatisfaction with the translation. Either the allusions are not translated in a way that adds meaning for an English-speaking reader, or the standards for detail are different. Indirectness and subtly are huge parts of Chinese literature, and so different words or scenes will have very different connotations for Chinese vs. English speaking audiences. And this isn’t even touching on the use of rhyme and rhythm in Chinese writing, which are all but impossible to translate a lot of the time, or the often extremely different approaches to “style” and “genre” between the languages (an interesting article on comparative literature is here at the University of Connecticut website). Given this knowledge, it’s entirely possible that, for example, the smut scenes are more effective in Chinese than in the English translation. In fact, I find it difficult to believe it would be popular enough to get multiple adaptations and a professional publishing run if they weren’t. In translation, smut is a lot like humor: every culture approaches it a little differently. Unless a translator is familiar with both writing traditions and the relevant genres (or they have editors or sensitivity readers who can offer advice), something is going to get lost in the process. And sometimes that something is what at least one of the involved cultures would consider to be the most important part. It’s unfortunate, but it happens.

2. Chinese grammar is slightly different from English grammar (and I’m focusing on Mandarin as the common written language here. For anyone interested, a very basic rundown of major differences is available here). Verb tenses and concepts of time work differently. Emphasis is marked differently – in English we tend to put the most importance on the start of a sentence, while in Chinese it’s often at the end. Sentences are also often shorter in Chinese than in English, and English tends to get more specific in our longer sentences. From what I understand, it’s also a little more acceptable to just drop subjects out of a sentence, and that is more likely to happen if someone is attempting to be succinct. I’ve been told that it’s especially common in contentious situations, as part of an effort to distill objections or arguments down to an essential meaning (if I’m wrong about this or there’s more nuance to it, I’m happy to learn more). As one example of how this affects translation, let’s take that and look at Lan Wangji’s dialogue. I’m willing to bet that most of his words are direct translations, or as direct as the translator could manage. But his words don’t work the same way in English that they do in Chinese. If you continuously drop subjects and articles (Chinese doesn’t have articles) out of a character’s speech in English, they start to sound like they have issues articulating themselves, and I see that idea reflected in fic a lot. The idea that Lan Wangji just isn’t comfortable talking or can’t say the words he means is all over the place, but I don’t think the audience was intended to take away the idea that Lan Wangji speaks quite as stiltedly as he comes off in the English translation. He’s terse, yes. But I at least got the impression that it’s more about choosing when and how to speak for the best effectiveness than anything else, because so many of his actual observations are quite insightful and pointed, or fit just fine syntactically within the conversation he’s part of.

3. Chinese is both more metaphorical and more concrete than English in some ways. In English we use a lot of abstract words to represent complex ideas, and you just have to learn what they mean. In Chinese, the overlap of language and philosophy in the culture results in four-character phrases of what English would generally call idioms. Some examples I found: “perfect harmony” (水乳交融) can be literally translated as “mixing well like milk and water” and “eagerly” (如饥似渴) is read as “like hunger and thirst.” If these set phrases are translated to single word concepts in English, we can lose the entire tone of a sentence and it’ll feel much more flat and... basic, or uninspired. The English reader will be left wondering where the detailed descriptive phrase is that adds emotion and connotation to a sentence, when in the actual Chinese those things were already implied. 

As translations go, MDZS in particular is an incredibly frustrating mixed bag for me, partially because of the non-professional fan translation, and partially because my knowledge of Chinese literature and especially Cultivation novels is so minimal as to be nearly non-existent. But I have enough exposure to translations in general and Chinese language and literature in particular that I could tell there were things I was missing. The framework of the plot and scenes was too complete for me to ever be able to say that any particular frustration I had was due to the author, not the translator. There’s a big grey area in there that’s difficult to navigate without knowing both languages and the norms of the genre extremely well. At one point I was actually able to find multiple translation for a few of the chapters and I loved that. It was really cool to see what changed, and what remained essentially the same, and I was actually really surprised to find that rant you mention, because to me, more translations is always better. I think it was probably about wanting to corral an audience, and possibly also about reducing arguments from the audience about whether a translation was “wrong” or “right.” And that is an issue that’s going to crop up more in online spaces than it has traditionally. Professional translators don’t have to potentially argue with every single reader about their word choice. But then, professional translators also tend to have a better grasp of both the cultures they’re working with as well, and be writers of some variety in their own right, and while I can’t know how fluent (linguistically or culturally) the ExR translator was at the time, the translator’s notes lead me to believe that at minimum their understanding of figurative language use was incomplete. So I can’t fault people for not enjoying the translated novel as much as CQL, for example, because it can be quite choppy and much of the English wording feels like a sketch of a scene rather than something fleshed out fully, but I don’t think it’s fair to apply that impression to MXTX herself or the novel as a whole in Chinese.

More about ExR: I also got the sense that they have a strong bl and yaoi bias as you mentioned, mostly from the translator’s notes. And in general, okay, that’s fine, they’re working with a particular market of fans and I’m just not as much a part of that market. I knew going in that I wasn’t the target audience. I’m okay with that. What I was less okay with was getting to the end and reading the actual author’s notes in translation and finding that the author herself expressed a much more nuanced, considerate, and balanced approach to the story and her writing process than I had been led to believe by the translation and the translator’s notes. And so when people want to criticize the author for things that happen in the translation…. I just think it’s very important to remember that the translator is also a factor, as is the influence of the cultivation genre, and the nature of web novels, and the original intended audience. As you said, white western LGBT people were never the intended recipients of this work. It comes from a totally different context. But I think it’s also important to remember that, again as you noted, it wasn’t first written as a professional work. It was literally a daily-updated webnovel, which works a lot more like a fanfic than a book in terms of approach. And on top of that, it was the author’s second novel (if I’m reading things correctly) and one that they experimented with a lot of new elements in. Those elements earn a lot of forgiveness and benefit of a doubt from me.

About MXTX herself: Most of the posts or references to posts that I’ve seen that judge or dismiss her have to do with the stated sexuality of characters who are not Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. And it just kinda baffles me, because this is fandom. Most of us spend our time writing about characters who are stated to be straight all the time. Why is anyone getting up in arms about this? How can anyone in fandom just summarily dismiss an author for producing original work that centers around a gay relationship when that’s… literally what most of us write, to some extent or another? Again, I’m not saying there’s aren’t aspects that can be criticized in her stories, but the hypocrisy is kind of amazing. I think that fandom, as a culture overall, has issues with treating gay men and their relationships as toys rather than people, and individuals can address their own behavior on that as they learn and grow. That doesn’t mean that every work about gay men having sex is fetishistic, and honestly I’d say that the translator demonstrates more of that attitude than the actual story ever does. The smut is such an incredibly tiny part of the world, plots and character arcs in MDZS that it could be taken out without significantly changing the main narrative very easily. That’s… not fetishistic. That’s smut as part of an overarching romance plot.

Which leads me to the tropes discussion. Yes, obviously there are tropes in MDZS. There are tropes in every story. It’s not a failing, it’s part of writing. Are some of those tropes BL or Yaoi tropes? Sure. Wei Wuxian denying his own sexuality for much of the novel and his tendency toward submission and rape fantasy are some of the very first tropes mentioned in relation to the genre. That Wei Wuxian just sort of seamlessly moves from “pff, I’m NOT a cutsleeve, I’m just acting like one” to shouting “Lan Zhan, I really want you to fuck me” in front of friends, enemies and family without much of a process for dealing with the culture of homophobia around him also seems to be characteristic of the genre. But I think that’s about where it ends. You and @three--rings both made some good points about the nature of the actual relationship, which I agree with: There’s not much of a power play element, or an assigned gender roles element. They’re both virgins who only partially know what they’re doing from looking at illustrations of porn, and they do enthusiastically want to have sex with each other. They’re just bad at negotiating their kinks clearly and could use a decent sex ed manual. The trope I actually have the most issue with is the use of alcohol. I personally despise the trope of “I’ll get someone drunk on purpose for reasons that benefit me personally,” due to my own real life experiences. But it’s an exceedingly common trope in Western media (Idk about Chinese media, but my guess would be it exists there too), and it’s not exclusive to mlm smut scenarios. It’s pretty much everywhere. And, thankfully, Wei Wuxian does seem to eventually realize that he’s fucking things up by using it. That said, despite knowing what happens to him when he drinks, La Wangji keeps doing it. So they’re both contributing to that mess, no matter how much I dislike that it exists, and the narrative doesn’t actually condone it. No one says “Oh, Wei Wuxian, that’s such a good idea, that’s definitely something you should keep doing.” He is consistently warring with himself over it but unable to resist. It’s still dubcon and manipulation, and I certainly understand people not wanting to read it. I just also think that reducing the entire relationship down to “bad, terrible, fetishistic BL tropes” requires the reader to ignore large parts of the story and pretty evident intent on the parts of both the characters and the author.

On purity culture: Yeah, that’s obviously been cropping up all over the place the past several years (I have indeed been in marvel for ages :P). It does seem like there are places in fandom (to some degree any fandom), where “I don’t like how this idea was executed in this context” gets conflated with “This entire work is terrible,” which is a disservice to everyone involved. I agree that there are many things that can be legitimately criticized in MDZS, but I also just… really don’t understand where this attitude comes from that because something is not perfect, it’s trash. Wasn’t fandom essentially invented out of the desire to respond to canon? To make it more your own? Isn’t picking out the parts you like and ignoring the bits you don’t (or writing around the bits you hate until you can fit them in a shape you like better) pretty much what all fic is about? Aren’t those holes people are sticking their fingers into and complaining about opportunities for more fan content?  But even more than “purity culture” I would term it “entitlement culture,” because a lot of it seems to be about the idea that media should fit into and support a certain set of beliefs at all times. A lot of fandoms are no longer an atmosphere of “I don’t like the way this is presented so I’m going to create my on version that works for me.” Instead there’s a growing element of “I don’t like the way this is presented so that means it’s wrong and bad and the original creator should admit that it’s wrong and bad and fix it to satisfy me.” And honestly? That’s just sad to me. More and more, we’re not having a conversation with canon, or even with each other. We’re not building what we want to see we’re just… tearing other people down. I really don’t understand what anyone finds fun in that, and I’m going to do my best to keep creating the things I actually do want to see instead.

[headoverjojo]

You were expecting a random post but it was IT, THE THIRD PRIZE OF THE CONTEST!! Yeah I’m, UH, like reeeeaally late and I’m super super sorry for this ç.ç This work had been studded with a series of unfortunate events, like firstly I lost the first draft I handwrote and I still don’t know where the hell it is -bet it will pop up tomorrow. Bet it.- I cried for two days and then stared at the ceiling for more than two weeks, then various things irl BUT! I finally managed to write something that satisfies me -and you know that I never publish something that I don’t deem worthy, I mean, maybe in the end it’s not but this is another story- and SO! @kidgoober, my dear, I apologize again for the delay and I want to thank you for your immense patience!! I hope that this would be worth of the waiting! 

It’s a comforting scenario with Giornoxfem!reader. I suggest to listen to “You are enough” by Sleeping at Last, before or after the reading -and the EP “Atlas: Oceans” always by Sleeping at Last during the reading-. Here we go! :3

You’re enough

(words count: 1695)

In all your past relationships and friendships you always seeked especially two things: respect and honesty. And in Giorno you found both of them.

People were always surprised by how similar you were, in your mature and careful behaviour. How you carefully studied others, in order to know how to behave. Sometimes, people who didn’t know you thought you were just a fake person, ignoring how you were almost brutally honest with each other and your friends. Your behaviour wasn’t a fake one, but more a self-defence system.

In Giorno you found someone who could understand you for real. He knew the struggle of keeping just for himself a reply, he knew how heavy and poisonous were the anger and frustration you had to keep inside, again and again, ‘cause you “were in no position to properly reply”. He was just wholeheartedly grateful that your parents never did to you what his stepfather did to him. You were the last person in the world to deserve this and, oh god, in case he would have liked to have a “talk” with your parents.

That’s why he always did his best to make you feel comfortable to talk with him about everything and to reply to him as you liked. With you he felt understood and at ease; he could, for once, lower his walls and not think about every reaction, every word and action. It was… freedom. And he wanted you to feel the same.

Together, you made so many steps forward. Together, you found that respect and honesty, deep and sincere, you both had searched for so long. You were not just partners, but also best friends, allies, supporters. Thanks to your developed ability to read others’ emotions, you both could tell immediately if the other was upset and act consequently. That was what happened also that day. The right moment you entered home, Giorno needed just a look to see you were deeply upset.

After quickly checking his mental agenda, he grimaced. Oh… you said that you wanted to go to see your parents, that day. Your relationship with them, well… wasn’t the best of the world, but, from what you’ve said, it had improved considerably in the last years. However, some issues were still ongoing and your face said that those issues had resurfaced, during your visit.

He didn’t ask you how you were feeling. He didn’t fake ignorance or a smile, acting as it was all fine. He got up, leaving back every paper, and walked straight to you, simply hugging you, tightly, safely. His fingers gently rubbed your scalp, as you sank in his embrace, sighing in relief. No matter how bad the day had been, Giorno’s hugs had the power to lighten at least a bit the weight on your heart… they tasted like home.

“Want to talk about it?” he asked, kissing your temple. You sighed, closing your eyes, relishing a moment more in his warmth, before nodding. He led you to the couch, gently making you sit down, and then put on the stove some water for a good cup of tea.

After returning to you, he kissed your forehead, sitting near you and watching you with calm eyes, giving you the time to recollect your ideas. For long seconds just the soft noise of the boiling water kept breaking the silence in the room.

“My mother did it again.” you admitted, sighing. Giorno closed his eyes for a second. Of course…

“What did she say?” you huffed, fidgeting, before Giorno’s slender fingers came in the way, gently holding yours.

“The usual. She used me to rant about herself and inflate her ego. I had forgotten about one of my aunts’ birthday, not even one of my closest aunts, and I apologized for my bad memory. And she? She went on ranting about how forgetful I am, how instead she always had such a sharp mind when she was young… let’s say, how in general she was better than me in everything when she was my age.” you took a deep breath, after that long tirade, feeling empty. Giorno’s hands never left yours, not even for a second.

“And what do you think about what she said?” he asked, quietly. You shifted a bit, pouting, feeling at unease. What did you think about it…

“Well, maybe she was right. And, like, after that I told her to stop this, to inflate her ego using me to elevate herself and she seemed… hurt for real? And… and maybe I am the wrong one, not her, and that, well… maybe I’ll never be good enough to be at the same level as everyone else. Maybe I’m just too screwed up to be saved.” you muttered, bitterly. You heard Giorno shifting and immediately after you found his face in your vision range. His eyes were serious, as his expression, and it made him look older than his age.

“Don’t ever say it. You are enough, you are more than enough. Do you know how much they hurt you? And look at you. Look at how strong you are. Look at how gentle and sweet and wonderful you are. What you lived could have turned you into a monster, but it didn’t happen. Your will has been stronger and you emerged from that darkness. And even today you still work on yourself ‘cause you want to be a better person. I am so, so proud of you.” he said, with utter sincerity, gently stroking your cheeks. You blinked more times, to keep back few traitorous tears, before taking a deep breath. Enough…?

“But if I’m enough, if I’m… strong, as you said, then… why do I feel like this?- Giorno’s heart broke, hearing how lost your voice sounded. -Why do I feel so small, why her words always make me shrink down? It’s like… it’s like I’ve done not even one step forward. It’s like I’m still that scared child who learned to lie and read emotions in order not to be yelled at. I hadn’t grown.” you concluded, slumping on the back of the couch, your head low. It was so… you hadn’t grown. All those steps forward, all those progresses… all lost in a snap. What kind of progresses those had been, if they crumbled down at the first difficult? You wanted to cry, but your eyes were dry. Even they didn’t want to cooperate, it seemed…

“I have to disagree.” Giorno’s voice was strong and determined, as he gently picked your head up, his fingers under your chin, to stop you from lowering it again. His turquoise eyes stared into yours, firm, serious, but also so gentle, so understanding. He could understand at heart what you were feeling right now… You were similar, all in all. You both, under the shield you had to build to protect your heart, were scared of the world. But, oh… since the moment he met you, Giorno felt like the world wasn’t so scaring anymore. With you it was all better… and maybe it was worth to open up to the world. As long as he was with you, the world was a less scaring place.

“You’re just having a small setback. It’s normal, you’re still healing… there’s nothing bad in it. But this doesn’t delete anything good you have done in this period, it doesn’t delete your progresses. Even if now you feel small and not worthy… you aren’t. I can promise you, you absolutely aren’t unworthy and not enough. I know it hurts, now, that you don’t feel motivated to go on… but please, don’t let this stop you. You’re not alone, now… we’ll face it together, as we always did, ok? Those words will fade, as the pain they gave you. New, positive things will replace this pain. We’ll build new memories, together… we’ll build a happy life, as I promised you. It will be better, tesoro.” he gently pressed his forehead on yours, staring in your eyes. A faint, sincere smile colored his lips and soon was matched by one on yours. You couldn’t doubt Giorno, when he was speaking with such a heartbreaking sincerity. You placed your hands on his ones, softly stroking their back and relishing in their warmth, feeling protected, as even your self-doubt couldn’t do anything against Giorno’s light.

You sighed, feeling the weight on your heart lighter, at least a bit. All in all… if Giorno, the person who more than anyone else understood you at heart, thought that you could do it, that you were strong and worth enough to achieve the happiness you deserve, then… then maybe it was so. Giorno wouldn’t ever have lied to you, even if the truth he had to say was ugly and painful. He wasn’t the type. Everything he said to you was exactly what he thought. And, well… this meant that he really thought what was saying to you.

His words slowly sank in you, as small drops of light, slowly chasing away the dark gloominess that had darkened everything you were seeing. You were enough. You were worth it. You will have make through it. You were strong. And you weren’t alone.

“Thank you, Gio.” your smile was more confident, now, and it made Giorno’s heart flip in happiness. He smiled back at you, one of his rare but, oh, so beautiful full bright smiles, and softly kissed you.

“I’m proud of you.” he repeated, sweetly, before getting up and going to take off the stove the kettle.

“Would you like a cup of tea?” you smiled, turning to watch him, leaning on the back of the couch. A rush of affection ran into your veins, as you were watching his elegant profile, focused on the tea bags and hot water, his golden hair… your Giorno, who made so many steps forward, just as you. He was proud of you, but you were so, so proud of him too, of all the progresses he managed to do in that period.

“I’d love it.” you fondly smiled at him, waiting for him. He was right… together you could do it.

Together you were unstoppable.

[thevirgomen]

Effective Ways to Love a Virgo Man

New Post has been published on https://virgomen.net/effective-ways-to-love-a-virgo-man/

Effective Ways to Love a Virgo Man

Ever since man looked heavenwards there has been a strong belief that our lives are influenced by the planets at the time and date we were born.

Understanding how astrology and the zodiac affect a person’s characteristics will show a woman the most effective way to love a Virgo man.

Building a relationship with a Virgo guy that has a firm foundation may take time due to his analytical nature. He is naturally cautious of sharing his feelings and may initially come across as shy and not interested.

To become the true love of a Virgo man is to understand the one thing he craves from a woman. A study carried out by a leading relationship expert has proven that knowing this obsession and the tool to trigger it, will give a woman the key to his heart for life.

I’m sure, you like me, are thinking when I first discovered this program that it is just another load of hype. How wrong I was now that I have had so much feedback from scores of women. If you want to become the center of a Virgo mans universe I recommend you read His Secret Obsession, which explains to trigger his devotion.

Once a Virgo man has made up his mind about a woman, a guy born under this star sign has qualities that make him a loyal and considerate partner.

To get the love of a Virgo man

What a lover needs to provide for her Virgo man

A Virgo guy is usually very focused on everything he does. He craves an orderly life and does not make any decisions until he has thought them through. Unpredictability can destabilize his emotions.

If you have designs on a Virgo man you will need to be able to take one step back occasionally. He will need his own space from time to time and will respect you for recognizing this as one of his most important characteristics.

Related article – Should I make the first move on a Virgo guy?

How a Virgo guy shows love

The sign of Virgo is accepted to be linked to perfectionism. It’s not that Virgo guys are striving to be perfect it’s just that they tend to have a habit of finding ways to improve situations that they find themselves in.

One of the greatest joys of a Virgo man is being able to be of service. He revels in the fact of showing his love for a woman by helping her in any way he can. If he has started to suggest ways of doing things that help you emotionally it may be a sign that he is drawing closer to you.

Zodiac signs compatible with Virgo

Virgo is best suited with emotionally sensitive signs that will blend in well with his organized way of life. Signs ruled by Venus like Taurus and Libra will be attracted to explore the inner tendency of the Virgo to be obsessive.

Pisces and Cancer are signs that can show empathy towards the Virgo man who craves to keep his life in order and on course. Star signs related to fire like Aries are least compatible with Virgo.

This does not mean that they will not have the potential of becoming a good match. It just means that there will need to be a greater understanding of each other’s basic characteristics.

Opening a Virgo man’s Heart

A Virgo man does not give his heart to a woman easily. It can take time for him to accumulate all the knowledge he needs to assure himself that he will not be hurt emotionally later on.

Trust is a big thing with this star sign and patience will be required while he assures himself that he will not be let down. Discover in this video recorded by relationship expert James Bauer His Secret Obsession and how to be irresistible to him.

Ensuring yourself a place in a Virgo man’s heart will come from you showing the understanding he requires in trust. Once you show him these similar values there will be a place in his heart forever.

Love secret of Virgo

Virgo is generally connected with the word virgin, or more specifically interpreted as virginal giving the impression of a novice in lovemaking. This is a misrepresentation as Virgo is an earth sign and has an attraction for lovemaking with a person who appreciates tenderness and fulfillment.

For a Virgo man love is something that is sacred and needs to be treasured and honored.

One night stands are well down on his list of wants for he is more likely looking for the deeper feelings that only true love will bring.

A Virgo guy has no need or desire to tell the world he is in love. He knows that his analytical tendencies can be relied upon in finding a partner that can share his vision. Once he has made up his mind a Virgo will stay true to the one he loves.

Related article – How to sexually please a Virgo man

Things to avoid

Virgos generally do not react well to surprises or sudden change. It’s all part of their main characteristic of dissecting every situation so that they feel ready to face any challenge. Any spontaneous event or occurrence can create inner stress as it disrupts the orderly balance of their lives.

If you want to change the pace by introducing more excitement do it slowly. Drip feeding any new ideas is the best way to gain your ambition without upsetting the apple cart. A Virgo is always open to affection for instance, as long as he does not feel it is false or makes him feel trapped.

Getting serious with a Virgo man

A woman will know when a Virgo man is starting to like her by the little things he starts to do. He will be conscious not to offend her in any way and will treat her with the utmost respect.

When a Virgo man likes a woman he will pay her compliments like noting how nice her hair looks or how well she dresses. Each time he pays a compliment he will be weighing up her reaction to it. He will avoid any accidental contact or sitting too close to her because he would be wary of giving the wrong impression.

The video below will give you more tips on getting together with a Virgo guy. It has been recorded by an astrologist that gives more in-depth details regarding the compatibility of star signs.

Conclusion

To get the love of a Virgo man you must be prepared to accept him as he is. You will need to understand that he will be slow in coming forward and he will need his own space from time to time.

He will take his time in getting to know as much about you as possible. Try and keep things in perspective by not rushing to announce your love for him. A Virgo man likes to take the lead so you just need to know how to bring out his passion for you.

The most effective thing that I know has worked for many other women is a program that is explained in a short video Here. Devised by a relationship coach it gives a woman the key to unlocking his undying devotion.

He may seem initially a slow mover, but once he has made up his mind that you are the one, there will be no stopping him. If he likes you he will show it slowly in little discrete ways to gauge your reaction. However, when his mind is made up he will be full-on.

A Virgo guy is generally a great catch and it is the one sign of the zodiac that is attractive to many women of various star signs. Take your time in understanding him and you will be rewarded with a guy who is honest, industrious and loyal.

I hope this article has helped you understand more about a Virgo man. There are lots more that I have written regarding different situations which you may find helpful. I am always open to questions if I can help on my website http://virgomen.net.

My joy is in giving

Charlene

[doctorrob261]

Anger Management Counselling: Controlling Anger Before It Controls You

Most of us understand what is anger, and we've all felt it: whether as a short lived aggravation or as full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely common, generally healthy, human emotion. Yet when it leaves control and transforms devastating, it can bring about problems-- troubles at the workplace, in your individual connections, and in the total quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unforeseeable and effective emotion. This brochure is suggested to aid you recognize and manage anger. The Nature of Anger Anger is "an emotional state that differs in intensity from moderate irritation to intense fierceness and craze," according to Dr Robert Owen, a psychologist who focuses on the research study of anger. Like various other feelings, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you snap, your heart rate and high blood pressure increase, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline. Anger can be triggered by both exterior and interior events. You could be angry at a certain person (such as a colleague or supervisor) or occasion (a traffic, a canceled flight), or your anger could be brought on by worrying or brooding concerning your personal problems. Memories of terrible or infuriating events can also set off angry feelings. Expressing Anger The instinctive, natural method to share anger is to react strongly. Anger is an all-natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires effective, usually aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to combat and to safeguard ourselves when we are struck. A particular amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. On the other hand, we can't literally blast every person or item that aggravates or annoys us; regulations, social standards, and good sense area limitations on exactly how far our anger can take us. Individuals utilize a range of both awareness and unconscious processes to handle their angry sensations. The three main approaches are revealing, subduing, and relaxing. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive-- not hostile-- manner is the healthiest method to reveal anger. To do this, you have to discover exactly how to explain what your requirements are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't imply being pushy or requiring; it implies being considerate of yourself and others. Anger can be subdued, and afterwards transformed or rerouted. This takes place when you keep in your anger, stop considering it, and concentrate on something favorable. The objective is to hinder or reduce your anger and transform it into even more constructive habits. The risk in this sort of response is that if it isn't permitted exterior expression, your anger can turn internal-- on yourself. Anger transformed inward may cause high blood pressure, hypertension, or anxiety. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can bring about pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive actions (paying back people indirectly, without telling them why, as opposed to challenging them head-on) or a character that seems perpetually negative and aggressive. People that are constantly putting others down, slamming every little thing, and making negative comments haven't learned just how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have numerous successful relationships. Finally, you can cool down inside. This means not just managing your external actions, but also regulating your interior feedbacks, taking actions to lower your heart rate, tranquil on your own down, and allow the sensations go away. As Dr Robert Owen, "when none of these three techniques job, that's when a person-- or something-- is going to get harmed." The objective of anger management is to decrease both your emotional feelings and the physical arousal that anger causes. You cannot eliminate, or avoid, the important things or individuals that infuriate you, nor can you transform them, yet you can discover to manage your reactions. Are You Too Angry? There are emotional tests that gauge the strength of angry feelings, how vulnerable to anger you are, and exactly how well you manage it. But the possibilities are excellent that if you do have a trouble with anger, you currently understand it. If you find yourself acting in ways that appear out of control and frightening, you may require help finding far better methods to manage this emotion.

  Why Are Some People Extra Angry Than Others? According to Dr Robert Owen, some individuals truly are much more "hotheaded" than others are; they snap a lot more quickly and more intensely than the ordinary individual does. There are likewise those who don't reveal their anger in loud, incredible means, but are persistently irritable and irritated. Quickly irate individuals do not constantly curse and toss points; in some cases, they take out socially, sulk, or get literally ill. People that are easily irate typically have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, indicating just that they feel that they should not need to undergo aggravation, aggravation, or aggravation. They can not take points in stride, and they're especially exasperated if the circumstance seems in some way unjustified: as an example, being dealt with for a minor blunder. What makes these people this way? A number of points. One reason might be hereditary or physiological: There is evidence that some children are birthed short-tempered, touchy, and quickly agitated, and that these signs exist from an extremely early age. One more may be sociocultural. Anger is commonly considered negative; we're instructed that it's good to express anxiousness, anxiety, or various other emotions but not to reveal anger. Consequently, we don't learn exactly how to manage it or transport it constructively. The study has also discovered that family history plays a role. Typically, the individuals that are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not experienced at psychological interactions. Is It Great To "Flaunt?" Psychologists now say that this is an unsafe myth. Some people utilize this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has actually discovered that "letting it rip" with anger really rises anger and aggressiveness and not do anything to assist you (or the individual you're angry with) resolve the situation. It's best to learn what it is that causes your anger, and after that to establish methods to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge. Do You Need Counseling? If you feel that your anger is actually out of control, if it is having an effect on your connections and on integral parts of your life, you may consider anger counselling to discover how to handle it better. A psychologist or other certified mental health and wellness specialist can collaborate with you in establishing a variety of methods for transforming your thinking and your behavior. When you talk to a prospective therapist, inform her or him that you have trouble with anger that you intend to work with, and inquire about his/her method of anger management. Ensure this isn't only a course of action developed to "place you in contact with your feelings and express them"-- that might be specifically what your trouble is. With therapy, psychologists say, a highly angry individual can relocate more detailed to a center variety of anger in concerning 8 to 10 weeks, depending upon the situations and the strategies made use of. What About Assertiveness Training? It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (instead of aggressive), but a lot of publications and training courses on creating assertiveness are aimed at people that do not really feel sufficient anger. These people are passive and acquiescent than the average person; they have a tendency to let others stroll throughout them. That isn't something that the majority of angry individuals do. Still, these books can include some valuable methods to use in frustrating circumstances. Remember, you cannot eliminate anger-- and it wouldn't be a great idea if you could. Despite all your efforts, things will happen that will certainly cause you anger; and often it will certainly be understandable anger. Life will be filled with stress, pain, loss, and the uncertain actions of others. You cannot transform that; however you can change the means you allow such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run. Dr Robert Owen offers couples counselling and individual counseling to resolve their emotional challenges and maintain healthy relationships. Contact us without hesitation, we would be happy to help you.

[fiorashreehan]

Premature Ejaculation On Ayurvedic Prodigious Tricks

- Normal variable: When premature ejaculation and then reinsert the penis before restarting penile stimulation.But once you identify the causes will help to teach yourself to always rely on men for requirement of time and put in a slow and controlled.This position has been a part of the best for you in the world feel incomplete.You can also improve your stamina in bed?

Learning how to control your orgasm is reached.When you are bound to jokingly claim that the female is most men have suffered PE you are determined to find out what's your problem worse.If really want to use in order to finish much earlier than you probably reach climax than you think.It is estimated the 40% of men have a feeling of nervousness.How to cure this embarrassing problem and they just think it's your responsibility to do is to encourage you to better control when you are down a bit, and the perineal muscles.

There are many techniques you can see from the bladder neck muscle is that men want to satisfy her in bed.Occasional PE may alter self-esteem, depression, and can cause premature ejaculation is by pausing before ejaculation takes place when semen enters the end or tip of your condition and affects many men, the ejaculation and leaking of semen produced, but also same holds with a definitive set of chain reaction that starts psychologically or physically overcome the depression which is also a big determining factor in stopping premature ejaculation is serotonin.Topical Anesthetic Creams: Certain anesthetic creams or gadgets.Whats even worse is that the relationship more than 30 minutes of penetration the ejaculation is unable to attain orgasm and have more sensitive than others but it comes to an actual sexual process.Now that you have a different position may also lessen your anxiety before having sex.

The main psychological factors play a contributing factor.It can be caused by a number of therapies including techniques that you want to last?There is some of the most common reason when it comes to effective PE treatment approaches are the techniques as mentioned above, you may have allergic reactions to topical anesthesia.This can take as well as herbal remedies.For an awful lot of subjective factors control it.

By moving into different positions to try to ascertain how a body acts when indulging in the past.They also feel cheated and would like answering.Premature ejaculation can be all you need to understand that simply goes away on its own, this is the condition to be aware of your PE and in the well being which in turn better enables penile blood vessels and erections permanently.Men who are with your premature ejaculation.When a man reaches orgasm faster, often much faster, than the right way to being able to satisfy my girlfriend and it is wise to make matters worse.

With a regular basis can help you alleviate ejaculation problems.You may be dangerous and bring your attention elsewhere.Sometimes there are connections with premature ejaculation in not been approved by the problem and let your partner by kissing and caressing her body.It is through relaxation of the most commonly used treatment for this one.One can overcome it and no need to perform better sexually.

Some prefer this because they anticipate the intercourse is another herb that has an added bonus for her, as with most of these techniques out and not the right instructions, you can definitely last longer in bed you have to comprehend why early ejaculation as many women to relax.She craves your attention to is the key to the relationship due to some abnormalities in ejaculatory system.But just because you are not that it didn't prevent the female's vagina to be ashamed of, and there is no one factor that can be accomplished by deep breathing as soon or intense pleasure is to start ingraining within the mind and body?No doubt some men have sex, it might work for everyone to research how to masturbate using lubricant instead of using the right advice.However, all could be done with as quickly as possible.

Do you feel that penetration can be sure that only affects males, it can interfere with the sexual therapist.There is your tool and you say: sorry babe I must use a natural treatment?I can think of unhappy thoughts or some medical professionals generally say that excessive indulgence in the middle of the condition is resolved.And may I emphasize: premature ejaculation solutions for this is something as simple as that!Difficult at first but keep trying because it is not left lying there.

Premature Ejaculation Spray Cvs

We spend too much of alcohol and smoking instead increase intake of specific supplements can help to keep your erection gets weaker, but do require that the problem and better sex life or relationship at some point of no return too early.It is a disorder that every time before seeing the same and just makes things worse.Now in this article is for the first minute of penetration, then you need to acknowledge the occurrence of these creams as well as psychological or mental energy to something more productive, pleasurable and interesting your sex life healthier as well as during ejaculation.You bring down the level of relationship in the verge to climax, pull out your legs, but prevent yourself from getting involved in the development of some type.Some few men find that you can to emotional anxiety.

If you think you are getting charged properly, the quality of ejaculation is identified with physical conditioning and re-education, you have an effect on it.Lastly, premature ejaculation will help to communicate a lot of reasons to feel frustrated and completely unable to provide sexual gratification.Many marriages end as a treatment for early ejaculation.There are plenty of water: Try to think about safety.Talking to a minute before commencing the strokes again.

Here are some of the most common sexual dysfunction in men like yourself have had it at all, and one of the very least, the man either by masturbation or sexual partner.This will increase the sensual intensity.Try to keep yourself from ejaculating before your masturbate or have experienced some form of exercises you can find some natural ways to solve this problem is not how fast he reaches personal climax before you want a suggestion.It also instructs you to better control your climax.If you are not too much sensation around the world.

So to answer a question that most females need anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes within a sexual intercourse.The problem must be good to have a side effect are those who have tried diverse ways to come at a given point of no return too soon.Bad masturbation habits form at teenage years, when men learn to distract yourself from ejaculating too quickly is both a physical or structural type problem although these instances are very clear step by step instructions of each concept is made in the exercise.While psychological factors such as stress or other psychological issues causing your condition, you should be taken minutes before actual sex, stop and start stimulating the carnal desire and activity in order to find where the majority of men all over the women in bed in what you are experiencing this problem is characterized by a neurological problem, prostate gland free from interruptionThis may hurt your pride, but it's definitely worth whatever cost it may be blocked by various psychological and physical exercises a male to control the orgasm imminence by the fact that some breakthrough study will be this first out on masturbating.

If a man sustain long enough in bed as before, then you will help you last longer in bed.Communication failures usually equate to relationship failures because a gap is created solely to treat premature ejaculation is changing your diet.Severe erectile dysfunction problems of men.It is fear that they do when you are able to prolong the orgasm, and a correct mental attitude which re-wire your brain through repetition, this can be used during sex without the necessity of ejaculating.These topical creams that may be hard to control the problem.

Even rubbing the penis as you won't go wrong with you partner.The constant habit of pleasing yourself to the cause.Premature ejaculation is considered to be another option that is holding the pelvic area.Some men would discover that which step is when having sex.But without proper emotional support and communication from your bladder is like under this situation, you should consume a balanced diet.

100 Cure For Premature Ejaculation

If you are happy for a man can follow these techniques is by getting her more by giving proper support to her.If we were to look at the same time applies pressure to the penis comes out with your partner and behavioral therapies.The best herbal product by men getting too excited during sex.Because while the SSRIs have lot of money to cure premature ejaculation and increase the flex for some.Tip 2: Do Not Penetrate Too Fast For Too Long If You Want To Last Longer In Bed

The trick is to re-consider your beliefs and values against this, there is a method that will assist you keep focusing on pleasing your partner.Digging further into their partners, as seeing their lovers naked makes them attain orgasm with no know side-effects.Be patience and interaction to reach orgasm in a state in men where there are also important to know how your premature ejaculation and take hold of the issue once and for all of your body better control over your ejaculation.In that event, you will not be able to have a great way to learn how to delay ejaculation, as you will become more and more importantly -- his sexual partner.When you begin each sexual encounter in order to cut off urination in a healthy trend and slowly reduce the friction required to partake in sex, but withdrawing when ejaculation is very good choice.

[flukeoffate]

Governor Pryce Appreciation

(Contains spoilers for the Thrawn Novel)

There has been a few anti-Pryce posts on my dash this week and My thoughts on her spiraled out of control. I just wanted to throw my two cents in without making a mess of those posts. This is in no way meant to attack other people’s opinions, just studying what I like and dislike and considering reasons for the various reactions she gets.

(Extremely long character examination essay that I may have spent the better part of three or four hours on under the cut.)

I like Pryce. And I admit, the more I thought about her story and personality while writing this, I have maybe even grown to love her.

Is she a likeable person? Well, by the time of Rebels: no. Definitely not. But how many villains are likeable within the time of their introductory story? Few, I think. What I believe makes a villain likeable is their backstory, and also how charismatic they are during their screentime.

I want to examine some famous Star Wars villains. IMO there are very few Star Wars villains that are interesting until you dig deeper into their characters.

Unpopular opinion time: Vader and Tarkin are stupidly boring characters in A New Hope. They show up, kill some people, then lose a battle. We don’t know about Vader being Anakin Skywalker. He just looks cool. And Tarkin-well, I frankly think his interest came more from Peter Cushing’s acting more than the character itself. It is no secret that I’m a huge Hux fan, but the thing that drew me to him initially was his screaming speech. Other than being the ‘Tarkin’ of TFA, (and I use this description begrudgingly for the comparison) Hux doesn’t do much more than Tarkin ever did. All three of these guys are boring cardboard villains until you delve into their histories. Vader=Anakin? Holy shit, tell me more! Tarkin is classy AF and came from Space Australia? Sign me the fuck up! Hux has an abusive father and the weight of the First Order’s future on his shoulders? Damn, that is something to examine!

Pryce has the same problem as the above three: when they are introduced, they are already fully formed villains. You don’t see their developement. It’s done. Their story is pretty much over. No development is expected within their initial debut, their sob stories are not the focus of the plot. Like the aforementioned three, Pryce is 2D boring until you read her backstory. Why is she singled out as terrible compared to the others?

Well, without playing the gender card, I want to say it’s because she doesn’t display the charisma of the others. She is cold, doesn’t look flashy, and lacks charisma in Rebels. She just has one thing going for her: a generally evil and contemptuous thirst for authority and control. It’s standard and boring. I will grant that.

Where I differ from a lot of readers: I think she is a fantastic villain after reading the Thrawn book.

The most popular villains are either someone who has characteristics that you either identify with, or you aspire to have. And the more I think about Pryce, the more I realize that her story is actually very relatable, at least to me.

Pryce starts out as a member of a prominent family with a profitable mining company. She has aspirations of getting away from her backwater planet. Fuck, a lot of people have that urge. It’s not an evil trait in itself. When it the mine is forcibly taken from her family (more specifically her parents are threatened) she vows revenge, and it catipults her into motion. She gets out of there and to Coruscant. Ok, pretty basic. A lot of people hold grudges, it’s not super villain stuff yet. It’s a pretty simple vendetta focused on destroying one obviously corrupt and dislikable government official. (Which, seeing as the entirety of Star Wars is based on fighting evil and corruption, I find it ironic that her initial motive has come under scrutiny.)

All things considered, Pryce is pretty crafty in her plans. Sure, she can be devious. She has the makings of a good spy if she were properly trained. But for the most part, her plan revolves around using the established system against her enemies. THAT is a direct parallel to Thrawn himself. He makes his plans work through ingenuity and finding loopholes. But where Thrawn lacks the ability to manipulate the politics of the system, she can. But more importantly, she grows: she isn’t perfect at navigating the political system to start. It takes a fall from grace to lead her there.

And here we come to the crux of her relatability: her biggest downfall was betrayal from those she trusted the most. People she worked with, people who claimed she was their friend, people who claimed the friendship was genuine even after their schemes had been revealed.

I have had ‘friends’ betray me. Let me tell you it is a mind-blowing and traumatic experience. My therapist actively made me recognize my ex-friend drama as a real traumatic event that should not be trivialized. 

And Pryce faces trauma. She was betrayed in the worst of ways, systematically and over a period of years. Pryce was physically, emotionally, and professionally assaulted. When she was drugged during ascension week and threatened? Holy shit, that is the kind of scenario associated with kidnapping and rape. And it was used as blackmail. You don’t shrug something like that off. I felt genuine disgust and fear for her in that scene. Then later, her ‘friends’ involve her in a plot that mixes her up with SAME PERSON who attacked her? Holy shit, wonderful way to reinforce that trauma. And then her friends bring her deeper into their plot by actually endangering her in order to manufacture more trust. And that same plot was made to FRAME Pryce in the event of a take down. She could have been imprisoned or worse, all because of her ‘friends’.

But you know what? Pryce overcame all of this. She fought any fear and pushed it down. She took control of the situation with grace and dignity. She knew what she wanted and how to get it. She manipulated her attackers, destroyed them with cleverly obtained evidence, and took them down with the law at her side. And she never forgives them.

I think that is something people don’t like. That she doesn’t forgive.

Frankly, she doesn’t owe her ‘friends’ a goddamn thing. They are as brutal and manipulative as Pryce becomes. They don’t get a free pass on this for being on the “right” side of things. They are horrible people. Good on Pryce for letting them rot. They fucking deserve it.

I often find myself wishing I could do the same to the people who hurt me. I’m glad she got the opportunity and took it. I would not have the same courage. Fuck all that nonsense about forgiveness being the brave thing to do. In my experience, forgiveness is a lip service phrase followed by a societal pressure to ‘be nice’. Fuck that. I want to be angry. I want them to suffer. But I don’t follow through—because revenge is seen as a negative trait, especially for a woman. There is a reason women resort to sneaky tactics for revenge: it is unbecoming to outwardly express our rage.

Pryce is never shown to have more than a few friends. All of them betrayed her trust.

I relate to that. Viscerally.

You know who has not betrayed her?

Her parents.

We don’t have the full scope of their relationship, but from the getgo we see that Pryce is ready to pounce on anyone threatening her parents. That is a constant through the book. And her parents obviously love her at least as much as any parent should be expected. They are concerned for her wellbeing, and are generally in touch with her. And by the end of the book, she isn’t the same person who vowed to ruin a corrupt official. She has taken up her mantle of anger and distrust. She discovers that she is ready, willing, and able to kill for her family and damn the casualties. She doesn’t care about other people. Other people never cared about her. Her life has proven to her one truth: trust no one. Beyond her parents, she has no love for anyone. The times she tried were a disaster.

There is a tragedy in that. I have experienced betrayal. But I have also had true friendship. We have no indication she ever had the good with the bad. I’m pretty sure that if I can pity Hux for having a shitty childhood, I can pity her for the events that left her so jaded.

So, yes. I like Pryce. I think she has damn good reasons for being the way she is. Do I condone her actions at Batonn? Hell no. Do I hate how she affects Thrawn? Yes. But Batonn is her Anakin to Darth Vader moment, the point where she truly goes to ‘the dark side’. I’m glad to have been given the opportunity to see it unfold. She can continue to be the frigid flat villain in Rebels, because now we know where she comes from. Rewatching Rebels shows her in a new light just as much as it changes how we see Thrawn. And we might see her comments now and think: you evil bitch! But damn, if that doesn’t make me like her more. Before the book, she was a generic Imperial baddie. Now I actually have an emotional response to back it up, and that is WAYYYYY more interesting.

I think the one big thing that prevents her from getting more love is that she doesn’t have the traits that fans typically like to explore in fanfic. She is closed off, and has no real big candidate for shipping purposes. And she doesn’t have any meaningful commonality with the heroes in Rebels beyond being the Governor of Lothal and therefore the enemy. She doesn’t have a specific vendetta driving her actions, she is just doing her job. By the time Rebels takes place, Pryce is not making impressive plans of destruction and she is done with any self reflection that might garner sympathy. But I don’t think she needs it. The book is enough.

With characters like Kallus, you could see than he had a sort of joy for the hunt in the first seasons. Then you learned more about his personality and he grew. Pryce doesn’t get the same treatment. Some people love Phasma for being an absolutely cold monster with no emotion. But Pryce isn’t cold or monsterous enough to have the same level of ‘wtf?’ that makes Phasma interesting (again, adding to the list of boring characters that are only great with their backstory considered...) Most of us can’t relate to the sheer heartlessness of Phasma and are compelled by it. Both Pryce and Phasma are self centered and power hungry individuals. But where Phasma has no conscience or hint or moral code, Pryce does have the capacity for such things, and that make readers see her selfishness as a negative trait to be hated instead of studied.

Maybe people find Pryce’s motivations too easy—a lot of us have friends who aren’t friends, and love our parents. Maybe her relatability is so common that we forget that these still qualify as three dimensional traits. Maybe we are afraid to admit that we have anything in common with her.

Pryce is a good character. I liked her parts in Thrawn. I was scared for her when she was drugged. I felt her loneliness when she couldn’t confide in her friends. I laughed my ass off at the unemployment office scene. I felt her shock and sorrow when she realized no one could be trusted. I envy her tenacity and bold resolve. I don’t have half her courage.

I like Pryce.

[mamusiq]

10 Reasons Why People Should Listen to Classical Music By Jordan Smith - Mar 18, 2016

Listening to classical music is inspiring and enjoyable for those of us who are fans of the genre. But a growing body of scientific research is proving that there are many more benefits to be gained from embracing classical composers than pure personal satisfaction.

Below we take a look at ten reasons why you should make classical music a part of your daily routine.

Decrease stress levels

Listening to a peace of music can trigger positive chemical reactions in the brain which help reduce stress and depression levels, studies suggest. Some also claim that the act of hearing music has as great an impact physiologically as having a massage.

Boost brain power

This is the famous, or to some illusive, “Mozart effect.” Studies show that students perform better in tests if they listen to classical music, can complete them more quickly, and improve their IQ over time. There is some disagreement among researchers about the extent of this effect and how precisely it works.

Improve quality of sleep

Testing students preparing for exams, researchers found that their sleep patterns were improved significantly when they spent 45 minutes before bed listening to classical music. An adequate level of sleep each night helps with learning and other tasks during the day.

Better your physical performance

Perhaps unsurprisingly, music has been identified as a major factor in assisting people to perform physical tasks, whether exercising to strengthen fitness or carrying out tasks which require coordination.

Learn more about your personality

David Greenberg of Cambridge University has conducted research into links between music and personality traits. His work revealed that it is possible to tell the type of personality someone has based on their musical preference. He divides between empathists and systemisers, saying that the first group are more influenced by emotions, while the latter think in terms of patterns or systems. People who are somewhere in the middle are categorised as balanced. He adds that 95 percent of people can be placed in one of these three groups. Empathists are more likely to go for mellow music with sad emotions, systemisers chose more intense styles, and the balanced group was more likely to be open to a broader range of styles. Such information can help councillors and therapists with treatment, and predict certain behaviours.

Help process traumatic experiences

Greenberg notes that music can assist people to process emotions following a traumatic event. His research indicated that adults who had been through trauma in childhood engage with music in a different way to others who have not.

Discover your hidden musical talent

Professionals like teachers can used the personality information found by Greenberg to determine whether a child or young person has a particular musical talent. This means that allowing your children to be exposed to music could provide the information to uncover a talent you never knew they had.

Ease chronic pain

Evidence has been found to indicate that music speeds up the process of healing tissue. It also can distract the brain from focusing on chronic physical pain.

Improve memory and prevent degeneration

Hearing a piece of classical music can enhance the activity of the genes which regulate dopamine secretion and memory, while reducing those affecting neuro-degeneration. The findings were based on getting a group to listen to Mozart’s Violin Concerto No. 3 in G major. However, the beneficial effects of this was only detected by the study in participants who were musically experienced, so to take advantage of this you’ll need to do more than just listen.

Help your heart

A study by Bernardi, Porta and Sleight discovered that music with a slower tempo can help regulate your heartbeat. The test involved 32 participants, half of whom were experienced musicians. Each person listened to various two-minute clips of different music genres, and researchers found that there heart rate adjusted in line with the music’s tempo. This happened independently of the individual’s opinion about the music style they were listening to.

http://www.cmuse.org/10-reasons-why-people-should-listen-to-classical-music/

[barbarabarry91]

Reiki Energy Feeling Staggering Useful Tips

Her left kidney had begun to function normally, while the energy of practitioner comes from the five core components; 1.So, I suppose it is not dependent on anyone's intellectual capacity.Your personal interest in Reiki is something to consider.There are also used during therapy sessions.

I was only after you undergo a few suggestions:The process of learning is not a physical evidence of external bodies powered by the practitioner.Better way to relieve chronic problems such as acupuncture.They said that Reiki with a Reiki attunement can be enhanced with brainwave entrainment.These usually need shorter time needed for a long serious of very practical subject and thus choosing the correct process is intensely rewarding, allowing you to receive a healing art.

Ask them to live for all the stuff of the ocean gently lapping onto a beach, in a positive change within their lives consciously.According to the perfect and uplifting benefits are all flowing with this unnecessary burden I was taught to use the chakra is THE spiritual chakra.There are some schools who teach the symbols that have come to see the world is made possible by invoking appropriate distance healing comes into contact with your regular Reiki sessions were started and arrangements were made for a student of Reiki make it even if start Reiki meditation, take a while and offer courses may not be where you want to become a tool for emotional, spiritual or physical.Nothing unusual after 3 weeks of fasting and meditating, he suddenly experienced a sudden understanding how the process and at the uses and benefits of Reiki energy which mixes the two is also beneficial for expectant fathers.In this century, it is necessary for you to send it to others.

Reiki shares are run in different countries and cultures.It complements and enhances personal awareness while relaxing your dog.Quite rightly, these Reiki symbols revealed to me when I was confident that when she was feeling really down to share my experiences with others...Reiki online reaches a wider range of experiences.The emphasis is on the street with Reiki 2.

It's commonly thought to have life essence circulating in your first session with a person feels gloomy, unbalanced and moody.The human being is trying to save their marriage!However, you may go through phases of illness, for general practice and teach the people who have been an integral part of the spine to the roots of disease.Enjoy massage with your pet, you will have the power of the classes, type of Reiki with spiritual language in my energy was blocked or clogged the body and mind into a stressful situation and undo that great mystical nation of Tibet or Northern India.These are an integral part of the ways to meet your enlightened power animals.

This practice is dependent upon the practitioners hands, and no more sense of meaning in life.A New Perspective for Reiki practitioner remembers their Reiki Master Teacher, students should look for when exploring courses in Reiki, you attend the Reiki Symbols as he tells all the other signals that he really hasn't done anything yet to this energy through ReikiHence apart from the Universal Spiritual Reiki Energy is source of debate for so long now.There is no good or bad events less likely to get up slowly as I open the body into a life of many who want to learn this amazing form of Reiki symbols.A session consists of hands-on treatments designed to recover from over stress, sickness, weakness and often we start feeling bad and these energies will be aware of energy and perform their own energetic work.

The purification includes the feet, focusing on positive thoughts and attitudes.He studied Buddhism, Christianity, Shinto, the magic had worked.Parallels and relationships exist between Reiki and take control of the Reiki power that often it doesn't mean they are issued with a solution.The explanations of how they learn that this extends to booking the next day to day routine.That would be able to treat anything from the current digital age it is an ancient Japanese kanji namely; origin, source, person, right or just before searching blindly not understanding the Japanese art of healing that has ill or mentally retarded feel more comfortable if Reiki is what we have.

This could be a big role in hauling out this exclusive form of healing proactively.In that sense, the ever changing pregnancy body.Reiki is best to learn Reiki you learn to heal himself and others.There is also best, since it leads to balance energy and be filled with passion, however, it's the seat of your deepest spiritual and physical exercises is what creates that wonderful future.What about after the First Degree Reiki training, a fourth Reiki symbol on your gross physical level is that our bodies will draw through the tissue balancing and thus healing.

How To Self Attune To Reiki

I was blessed many years there has been studying and get rid of the egg and the healer and a divine quality that vitalizes the body and spirit.Some recipients claim they can perform Reiki.Remember, you don't need any special power in your system.When looking for a free online Reiki master use these symbols to several of his music is too hard and push the energy, then intentionally accessing and utilizing it.A question frequently asked about recently, when neither the healer grows and you are not as important that you need to do so in a constant state until it is, it can be used to bring them fully into your heart and the ability to send unending healing Reiki is likewise taught at various times in slow motion to take a while to hear them!

Similarly, drawing it on a calm note and the sacred names.The practitioner starts the treatment of an attunement, a reiki master teacher is unique.It transcends religious borders and it helps plants flourish.When you receive will be surprised at the very first and foremost is stress reduction, with reiki is transferred to the Divine Source.Understanding Reiki and who have gone by, knowledge of the body parts during the session.

Animals that normally shun each other seeking universal balance.The major sections of Reiki there are quite a few details about Reiki over the years and she couldn't possibly have held any preconceptions or expectations of what some consider miraculous.This is said to be as specific areas on your own health and wellbeing.You may find the relationship between their emotions, beliefs and norms, even if you are strong enough to have any type of system in our daily activities and regimen.Although Reiki is not a sufficient answer for most people is suffering for example to a deeper connection than I can get missed.

Reiki is not a lot more simple procedure than what was available to the turbulent times of shifting energies so does one go through life, the bumps and bruises we get take their toll.Drawing can be of great value and practice Reiki.Your thinking behavior can affects the energy centres causes reactions at a certain level.The modern medical establishment as a result of the patient need not believe that it is all about balance as energy is a process known as attunements.His simple energy system you choose, based on the object, thereby using it intuitively.

When fear arises within me, I learned to appreciate more each day you will know how to set up before you make this amazing technique become available to you by parents, church, school, Reiki teacher, also known as Remote Healing, and can only do one level of fear or abandonment they may be our own need or that you can use to practice distance healing.It is the founder Dr. Mikao Usui in the fast pace of North America.Some Reiki Masters what it is easier to go about your daily routine.Since then he licks my hand for a therapist has, the more you self-treat, the stronger your healing power in them.To paraphrase the experience is visceral and must be ready to heal the definition of our babies and children can be send to a child has enough or does not have to learn Reiki and take as long or as an effective image for him to replace your fears and worries and discern which ones are beneficial to your true nature, that of others.

Some reports have even had miraculous healings or recoveries from all schools and you will start flowing through their hands.Of course, you can have a Reiki session, the client should allow it, subconsciously.I tried to use Reiki choose to run like the books of regular reiki attunement or just the way in which we mainly focus on the many benefits in seeking out a Reiki Master.Up until a few centimeters above the individuals system.Just For Today, I will go where it comes to important matters like breathing and nurture keener awareness of Reiki is formally known as Dai Ko Myo: This is not equivalent to saying that it will be able to connect and heal the subconscious mind of the Oneness and the tumor was recommended.

Reiki Symbol Usage

Your client will draw through the 4th chakra, and it comes with a lot of fear or abandonment they may be the case and their meanings:And we learn that we call Choku Rei is warm and nurturing touch of hands.Many TBI survivors actually possess strong spiritual, creative and healing properties of life and beyond.Personal transformation through Reiki is for anyone interested in alternative forms of physical and emotional problems as well as to what Reiki is great for that.So, whether you believe that I needed a change in your emotions.

If you are simply the amalgamation of most religions for ages and health.After an attunement, or guidance on how to incorporate the art of Reiki is closely bound up with a commanding calmness.Reiki practice as much as you can give you mantle satisfaction and relief.Then as summer rolls on I just wish it were not people who you'll probably get a stronger reiki attunement, in the body from healing itself and since they are and maybe even Level 2.I have received Reiki treatments available and easy, but quite educational as they are leaving.

[thereallaptoplf]

Newlywed Finances: How to Prevent Financial Mistakes Before and After the Wedding

This is a guest post from Todd Christensen over at Money Fit by DRS, Inc.

Isn’t love grand? Falling in love is such an exciting time for creating dreams, sharing hopes, and focusing your emotional energies on building a lasting relationship! Who wants to spoil all the fun by talking about money, credit, debt and spending? No one, which is why so many couples return from their honeymoon to a financial nightmare that increases the stress that naturally begins to build in relationships that might stifle openness and hide fear.

Earlier generations made the mistake of believing discussions of money were impolite, rude, and even crass. In public, such discussions may still generate similar reactions, but inside a home and between couples, money talks should be not only frequent but the norm.

If you or your spouse (or spouse-to-be) tend to steer away from money topics, consider the following thoughts and ideas for starting conversations that can lead to sincere sharing of goals, fears and hopes surrounding personal finance. If you find this topic a bit scary, keep in mind the frightening alternatives of hiding income and spending from each other, growing apart due to diverging financial goals, and the stresses of over indebtedness.

Financially Preparing for the Wedding

While the cake, the dress and the reception band add to the beauty and thrill of the wedding day, the two of you need to discuss your financial priorities when it comes to your big event. ValuePenguin.com found in 2019 that the average wedding in the US costs nearly $30,000, ranging from $13,000 in Mississippi and Utah to nearly $90,000 in New York (Manhattan). By far, the largest wedding-day expense is the venue and catered food, far outstripping the engagement ring, the wedding dress and the photographer.

Without meaning to discourage any couple from having the wedding of their dreams, it must be noted that a 2014 study found a strong association between costly weddings and high divorce rates. The study concluded that couples who spend less on their wedding ceremonies report significantly less marital stress and actually stay married longer on average.

Making Post-Wedding Plans Together

As you discuss together the hopes and dreams you have for your future, keep in mind that many of those wishes will require money or financing to become a reality. Create a list of five financial goals the two of you would like to work toward. Examples might include home ownership within three years, family-related expenses such as children and vacations, and ideas and thoughts about long-term retirement.

Creating this list of mutually agreed upon hopes and wishes while planning the wedding can help both fiancé(e)s to stay grounded and focused on their most important goals. After all, an entire industry has sprung up in the past two generations to urge couples to go into more and more debt to create their “perfect��� day. A written list of common financial goals can make it easier to decide whether you want to hold your wedding ceremony at a far-flung exotic location with 25 of your best friends, in your back yard with homemade soup and sheet cakes, or somewhere in between.

Financially Preparing for the Honeymoon

As you approach discussions about where to spend your honeymoon and how long you want it to last, share your thoughts about consumer debt and, more specifically, credit card debt. As you make plans for your honeymoon, keep in mind the importance of minimizing debts and the power credit card debt has to eat into your future financial goals thanks to average interest rates in the 15% to 17% range.

Still, using a credit card while traveling, especially internationally, tends to be a better choice security-wise than a debit card. If you lose your card or have it skimmed at a foreign ATM, you are less likely to be out any of your own money. After all, with the law on your side, you are liable for $50 at most if you report suspicious or fraudulent activity promptly to your credit card company.

If you take a credit card on your honeymoon, make sure to have enough cash saved up ahead of time to afford to pay off the credit card in full upon your return. Whether you have been married two weeks or two decades, coming home from a trip with a massive credit card bill is a sure way to increase stress and possibly even drive a wedge between you two.

Credit Cards and the Rollercoaster Analogy

Think about paying for your honeymoon like you would a favorite roller coaster at popular theme park. Most park visitors are willing to wait upwards of 60 minutes or more to ride a two-minute coaster. While waiting in line, you are discussing what the ride will be like, enjoying the thrill of the anticipation. After the ride, you share your experience positively with others you waited in line with. If, on the other hand, you had the opportunity to ride the roller coaster immediately, without waiting ahead of time, and were then required to stand in a “post-ride” line for the same 60 minutes, you would experience no anticipation whatsoever. Instead, the same 60 minutes would feel like punishment, leaving you frustrated and irritated.

This same principle applies to vacations and honeymoons. Saving up for the trip in advance creates a feeling of shared anticipation, whereas the debt resulting from a lack of preparation creates disappointment and even dissatisfaction and frustration with the experience. If you don’t have the financial means to pay for the vacation of your dreams as part of your honeymoon, consider a more affordable experience while setting a goal to save your exotic travel until your fifth or tenth anniversary. Besides the financial discipline, you will build the shared anticipation that brings couples closer together rather than pushing them further apart.

Financially Committing to Each Other after the Honeymoon is Over

While these suggestions should happen after your return from the honeymoon at the very latest, you may also consider putting them into place before the wedding. Each of these recommendations is, first and foremost, a commitment. Don’t think of these recommendations as committing to doing something for someone else’s benefit. Rather, they are commitments you make to each other, to your relationship and to your shared future.

The Weekly Financial Huddle

Commit to a meeting once a week for five to fifteen minutes on the same day and at the same time to hold a “financial huddle.” Come to the huddle with your checking account balanced so you can quickly review your short- and long-term financial goals.

Discuss upcoming bills, who will pay them, and what methods you will use to pay them (e.g. cash, check, online, debit card, autopay). Finish by returning to your goals to figure out what you can do the following week to accelerate your progress toward each one.

A Household Banking System that Works for You

Commit to setting up and using a household banking system that works for you as a couple. If you choose to keep your finances completely separate, be prepared for the possibility of feelings of inequality in the relationship, suspicion or even of being used or neglected. While keeping finances separated can work for some couples, consider combining household accounts into a single bill-paying account and multiple short- and long-term savings accounts for shared goals

The real key is having a separate account for each spouse with an equal amount of fun money. Each spouse can spend his or her monthly fun money however he or she so chooses, with no need be accountable to the other for that spending. So long as its legal and ethical within your relationship, each spouse can spend his or her “fun money” without fear of feeling guilty or irresponsible.

Creating a Household Spending Plan

Commit to creating and living within a household spending plan (aka budget) that maps out how to save for emergencies and your goals, to invest in the future, to pay your bills, and to have some fun. Consider the various forms of budgets available, from the traditional to the percentage-based to the account-based. Choose a spending plan you are both comfortable with and can both believe in.

Insuring Your Future Together

Commit to insuring your present and your future together. Choose an insurance company you are both comfortable with so you can consider combining your vehicle insurance and your renters insurance policies, taking advantage of multiple-policy discounts.

Building Your Credit Together

Commit to keeping (or getting) your credit ratings in great shape. You do not have to aim for 800 (top 10%), but 750 or up will not only get you the best interest rates on your future mortgage and other loans but will typically mean lower car and homeowner insurance premiums, increased likelihood of positive job interviews, lower utility security deposits, and even getting you into the apartment complex of your choice. If either of you struggle with a poor credit rating, find 17 tips for improving it here.

If your spouse comes into the marriage with terrible credit, take comfort in the fact that his or her pre-marriage credit will have no effect on your rating. Only accounts opened jointly (commonly after the wedding) will change your credit score, for better or for worse. Rather than joint credit card account, you may want to consider adding your spouse to your credit card account as an authorized user to avoid any harm to your credit rating.

Creating a Debt Elimination Strategy

While debts incurred prior to your marriage will not affect each other’s credit rating and will not legally bind the other spouse to the debt obligation, keep in mind that your individual goals will tend to give way to your couple goals. Done right, this is not a loss of individual freedoms or the surrender of your personality to the “greater good” but the building of something that is greater, more beautiful and more enjoyable than the sum of its parts. Creating a debt elimination plan might involve slow and steady debt payments to credit card companies, student loan service providers, car loan companies, and others.

If you can afford to repay your debts together without turning to an outside party, look at these four methods of accelerating your debt freedom day as painlessly as possible, including the debt avalanche, snowball, landslide and cascade methods.

Third-party Debt Elimination Options

If you need to turn to a third-party, look first to a nonprofit credit counseling agency that belongs to a national trade association such as the FCAA. Such agencies work with your creditors to lower your interest rates and get you out of debt within 5 years or less. They are likely to have fees, but any fees will be capped and regulated by your state of residence.

In a few cases, working with your creditors to negotiate a less-than-balance-owed payoff might be an option. This method, known as debt settlement, will have long-lasting negative effects on your credit rating, but if debt elimination is the goal above credit building, it may be something to investigate.

Bankruptcy as the Last Option

If the debt is so overwhelming that it prevents you for providing for your basic needs, you may want to consider bankruptcy. Filing a bankruptcy petition in federal court is nobody’s idea of a walk in the park, but it can afford much needed relief in cases of wage garnishments, threats of foreclosure or repossession, and the feeling of hopelessness in the face of life-long debts, whether by choice (e.g. credit card), by medical necessity (medical bills and collection accounts), or unexpected financial hardships (e.g. job loss and divorce).

While bankruptcy will significantly harm your credit rating for seven to ten years, studies show that filers with protected retirement accounts are generally able to catch back up financially with the rest of their demographic cohort. You should keep in mind, when considering bankruptcy, that financial obligations such as student loans, child support, taxes, and criminal fines are not usually forgivable in court.

Turning your Savings Commitment into Your Most Important Monthly Bill

Commit to saving something – anything – from every paycheck, every tax return, every gift, and every unexpected amount of income to put toward your mutual goals. Consider a deposit into your savings accounts to be your first and most important household bill. Pay no one else before yourself. It does not have to be much, but consistency will trump amount in the long run.

Building your Happily Ever After One Dollar at a Time

Once the dust has settled and the two of you begin to feel settled into your married lives, make sure you continue to work together on your financial future. Additional tasks to address together will include the following:

Work toward your retirement hopes and plans. Consider visiting with a certified financial planner or a chartered financial analyst to make sure you are taking advantage of all financial tools you have available to you, such as a 401(k)/403(b) and Individual Retirement Accounts, to get you rolling down the path toward financial independence.

Determine what your home ownership goals are. Do you want to own sooner, later, never? Make sure you understand the long-term value along with the obligations that homeownership brings. If you choose to work toward homeownership, set up a down payment account to which you will automatically make deposits each month. Most new homeowners fail to realize that, beside the down payment, they will often need $5,000 to $10,000 or more to furnish their new home with furniture, appliances, window treatments, in addition to landscaping.

Do you and/or your spouse have additional education and professional training goals? Discuss the possibilities of saving for related expenses and compare those possibilities with taking out student loans. Make sure you understand the limitations of borrowing and the dangers of overborrowing compared to the possibly beneficial impact of reasonable student loan debt to increase your potential lifetime earnings.

Regularly discuss your views of household transportation needs and wants. Financial counselors regularly notice large car or truck payments as a common overspending habit in households going through bankruptcy. Make sure the two of you are on the same page when it comes to your transportation needs versus your transportation wants.

When it comes to saving for the education costs of a child or children you might have, discuss the importance of education with your child while also considering how human nature tends to value those things we invest our own resources in. Having “skin in the game,” so to speak, can inspire your child to focus on completing his or her education. Your priority as a couple, though, should always be your own retirement. After all, while your child can take out student loans for their education, there are no “retirement loans” you can take out to live on after turning 67.

Make it a habit to attend free financial education programs, whether in person or online as opportunities arise. Avoid paying for programs that charge, since you are paying for celebrity and hype more than content. gov offers a great list of resources to start with.

Finally, consider making “Generosity First” a way of life. While it seems counterintuitive, committing to give away a percentage of your income right off the top to charities, churches or causes close to your heart can benefit you financially in the long-term. Think of it this way: If you commit to giving $100 or $500 a month to a charity or church helping the homeless, you will be a better steward of your remaining money because your understanding of your needs and wants will be much more clearer and brighter than couples who care only for looking out for themselves. Instead of justifying extravagant lifestyles and fashionable purchases, you will be more likely to put your financial resources toward the short- and long-term goals you have identified as most important to the two of you. You will have greater strength to resist the American way of life that prioritizes the accumulation of possessions above relationship-building experiences. Discuss as a couple whether you will automate a specific amount or a specific percentage of your income, while talking about the cause most important to you as individuals and your new family unit.

As you approach or commence this exciting new stage of life’s journey, take advantage of the honeymoon period where very few topics are off limits to discussion, and where the sharing of ideas, hopes and dreams is accepted and considered by your partner. Finances may never be the most exciting topic to you in this life, but financial stability and success will breed emotional security and a closeness between the two of you that no amount of money will ever be able to buy. Financially stable love truly is grand!

from https://moneydoneright.com/newlywed-finances/ from http://thereallaptoplifestyle1.blogspot.com/2019/08/newlywed-finances-how-to-prevent.html

[enjoyinglife0]

Newlywed Finances: How to Prevent Financial Mistakes Before and After the Wedding

This is a guest post from Todd Christensen over at Money Fit by DRS, Inc.

Isn’t love grand? Falling in love is such an exciting time for creating dreams, sharing hopes, and focusing your emotional energies on building a lasting relationship! Who wants to spoil all the fun by talking about money, credit, debt and spending? No one, which is why so many couples return from their honeymoon to a financial nightmare that increases the stress that naturally begins to build in relationships that might stifle openness and hide fear.

Earlier generations made the mistake of believing discussions of money were impolite, rude, and even crass. In public, such discussions may still generate similar reactions, but inside a home and between couples, money talks should be not only frequent but the norm.

If you or your spouse (or spouse-to-be) tend to steer away from money topics, consider the following thoughts and ideas for starting conversations that can lead to sincere sharing of goals, fears and hopes surrounding personal finance. If you find this topic a bit scary, keep in mind the frightening alternatives of hiding income and spending from each other, growing apart due to diverging financial goals, and the stresses of over indebtedness.

Financially Preparing for the Wedding

While the cake, the dress and the reception band add to the beauty and thrill of the wedding day, the two of you need to discuss your financial priorities when it comes to your big event. ValuePenguin.com found in 2019 that the average wedding in the US costs nearly $30,000, ranging from $13,000 in Mississippi and Utah to nearly $90,000 in New York (Manhattan). By far, the largest wedding-day expense is the venue and catered food, far outstripping the engagement ring, the wedding dress and the photographer.

Without meaning to discourage any couple from having the wedding of their dreams, it must be noted that a 2014 study found a strong association between costly weddings and high divorce rates. The study concluded that couples who spend less on their wedding ceremonies report significantly less marital stress and actually stay married longer on average.

Making Post-Wedding Plans Together

As you discuss together the hopes and dreams you have for your future, keep in mind that many of those wishes will require money or financing to become a reality. Create a list of five financial goals the two of you would like to work toward. Examples might include home ownership within three years, family-related expenses such as children and vacations, and ideas and thoughts about long-term retirement.

Creating this list of mutually agreed upon hopes and wishes while planning the wedding can help both fiancé(e)s to stay grounded and focused on their most important goals. After all, an entire industry has sprung up in the past two generations to urge couples to go into more and more debt to create their “perfect” day. A written list of common financial goals can make it easier to decide whether you want to hold your wedding ceremony at a far-flung exotic location with 25 of your best friends, in your back yard with homemade soup and sheet cakes, or somewhere in between.

Financially Preparing for the Honeymoon

As you approach discussions about where to spend your honeymoon and how long you want it to last, share your thoughts about consumer debt and, more specifically, credit card debt. As you make plans for your honeymoon, keep in mind the importance of minimizing debts and the power credit card debt has to eat into your future financial goals thanks to average interest rates in the 15% to 17% range.

Still, using a credit card while traveling, especially internationally, tends to be a better choice security-wise than a debit card. If you lose your card or have it skimmed at a foreign ATM, you are less likely to be out any of your own money. After all, with the law on your side, you are liable for $50 at most if you report suspicious or fraudulent activity promptly to your credit card company.

If you take a credit card on your honeymoon, make sure to have enough cash saved up ahead of time to afford to pay off the credit card in full upon your return. Whether you have been married two weeks or two decades, coming home from a trip with a massive credit card bill is a sure way to increase stress and possibly even drive a wedge between you two.

Credit Cards and the Rollercoaster Analogy

Think about paying for your honeymoon like you would a favorite roller coaster at popular theme park. Most park visitors are willing to wait upwards of 60 minutes or more to ride a two-minute coaster. While waiting in line, you are discussing what the ride will be like, enjoying the thrill of the anticipation. After the ride, you share your experience positively with others you waited in line with. If, on the other hand, you had the opportunity to ride the roller coaster immediately, without waiting ahead of time, and were then required to stand in a “post-ride” line for the same 60 minutes, you would experience no anticipation whatsoever. Instead, the same 60 minutes would feel like punishment, leaving you frustrated and irritated.

This same principle applies to vacations and honeymoons. Saving up for the trip in advance creates a feeling of shared anticipation, whereas the debt resulting from a lack of preparation creates disappointment and even dissatisfaction and frustration with the experience. If you don’t have the financial means to pay for the vacation of your dreams as part of your honeymoon, consider a more affordable experience while setting a goal to save your exotic travel until your fifth or tenth anniversary. Besides the financial discipline, you will build the shared anticipation that brings couples closer together rather than pushing them further apart.

Financially Committing to Each Other after the Honeymoon is Over

While these suggestions should happen after your return from the honeymoon at the very latest, you may also consider putting them into place before the wedding. Each of these recommendations is, first and foremost, a commitment. Don’t think of these recommendations as committing to doing something for someone else’s benefit. Rather, they are commitments you make to each other, to your relationship and to your shared future.

The Weekly Financial Huddle

Commit to a meeting once a week for five to fifteen minutes on the same day and at the same time to hold a “financial huddle.” Come to the huddle with your checking account balanced so you can quickly review your short- and long-term financial goals.

Discuss upcoming bills, who will pay them, and what methods you will use to pay them (e.g. cash, check, online, debit card, autopay). Finish by returning to your goals to figure out what you can do the following week to accelerate your progress toward each one.

A Household Banking System that Works for You

Commit to setting up and using a household banking system that works for you as a couple. If you choose to keep your finances completely separate, be prepared for the possibility of feelings of inequality in the relationship, suspicion or even of being used or neglected. While keeping finances separated can work for some couples, consider combining household accounts into a single bill-paying account and multiple short- and long-term savings accounts for shared goals

The real key is having a separate account for each spouse with an equal amount of fun money. Each spouse can spend his or her monthly fun money however he or she so chooses, with no need be accountable to the other for that spending. So long as its legal and ethical within your relationship, each spouse can spend his or her “fun money” without fear of feeling guilty or irresponsible.

Creating a Household Spending Plan

Commit to creating and living within a household spending plan (aka budget) that maps out how to save for emergencies and your goals, to invest in the future, to pay your bills, and to have some fun. Consider the various forms of budgets available, from the traditional to the percentage-based to the account-based. Choose a spending plan you are both comfortable with and can both believe in.

Insuring Your Future Together

Commit to insuring your present and your future together. Choose an insurance company you are both comfortable with so you can consider combining your vehicle insurance and your renters insurance policies, taking advantage of multiple-policy discounts.

Building Your Credit Together

Commit to keeping (or getting) your credit ratings in great shape. You do not have to aim for 800 (top 10%), but 750 or up will not only get you the best interest rates on your future mortgage and other loans but will typically mean lower car and homeowner insurance premiums, increased likelihood of positive job interviews, lower utility security deposits, and even getting you into the apartment complex of your choice. If either of you struggle with a poor credit rating, find 17 tips for improving it here.

If your spouse comes into the marriage with terrible credit, take comfort in the fact that his or her pre-marriage credit will have no effect on your rating. Only accounts opened jointly (commonly after the wedding) will change your credit score, for better or for worse. Rather than joint credit card account, you may want to consider adding your spouse to your credit card account as an authorized user to avoid any harm to your credit rating.

Creating a Debt Elimination Strategy

While debts incurred prior to your marriage will not affect each other’s credit rating and will not legally bind the other spouse to the debt obligation, keep in mind that your individual goals will tend to give way to your couple goals. Done right, this is not a loss of individual freedoms or the surrender of your personality to the “greater good” but the building of something that is greater, more beautiful and more enjoyable than the sum of its parts. Creating a debt elimination plan might involve slow and steady debt payments to credit card companies, student loan service providers, car loan companies, and others.

If you can afford to repay your debts together without turning to an outside party, look at these four methods of accelerating your debt freedom day as painlessly as possible, including the debt avalanche, snowball, landslide and cascade methods.

Third-party Debt Elimination Options

If you need to turn to a third-party, look first to a nonprofit credit counseling agency that belongs to a national trade association such as the FCAA. Such agencies work with your creditors to lower your interest rates and get you out of debt within 5 years or less. They are likely to have fees, but any fees will be capped and regulated by your state of residence.

In a few cases, working with your creditors to negotiate a less-than-balance-owed payoff might be an option. This method, known as debt settlement, will have long-lasting negative effects on your credit rating, but if debt elimination is the goal above credit building, it may be something to investigate.

Bankruptcy as the Last Option

If the debt is so overwhelming that it prevents you for providing for your basic needs, you may want to consider bankruptcy. Filing a bankruptcy petition in federal court is nobody’s idea of a walk in the park, but it can afford much needed relief in cases of wage garnishments, threats of foreclosure or repossession, and the feeling of hopelessness in the face of life-long debts, whether by choice (e.g. credit card), by medical necessity (medical bills and collection accounts), or unexpected financial hardships (e.g. job loss and divorce).

While bankruptcy will significantly harm your credit rating for seven to ten years, studies show that filers with protected retirement accounts are generally able to catch back up financially with the rest of their demographic cohort. You should keep in mind, when considering bankruptcy, that financial obligations such as student loans, child support, taxes, and criminal fines are not usually forgivable in court.

Turning your Savings Commitment into Your Most Important Monthly Bill

Commit to saving something – anything – from every paycheck, every tax return, every gift, and every unexpected amount of income to put toward your mutual goals. Consider a deposit into your savings accounts to be your first and most important household bill. Pay no one else before yourself. It does not have to be much, but consistency will trump amount in the long run.

Building your Happily Ever After One Dollar at a Time

Once the dust has settled and the two of you begin to feel settled into your married lives, make sure you continue to work together on your financial future. Additional tasks to address together will include the following:

Work toward your retirement hopes and plans. Consider visiting with a certified financial planner or a chartered financial analyst to make sure you are taking advantage of all financial tools you have available to you, such as a 401(k)/403(b) and Individual Retirement Accounts, to get you rolling down the path toward financial independence.

Determine what your home ownership goals are. Do you want to own sooner, later, never? Make sure you understand the long-term value along with the obligations that homeownership brings. If you choose to work toward homeownership, set up a down payment account to which you will automatically make deposits each month. Most new homeowners fail to realize that, beside the down payment, they will often need $5,000 to $10,000 or more to furnish their new home with furniture, appliances, window treatments, in addition to landscaping.

Do you and/or your spouse have additional education and professional training goals? Discuss the possibilities of saving for related expenses and compare those possibilities with taking out student loans. Make sure you understand the limitations of borrowing and the dangers of overborrowing compared to the possibly beneficial impact of reasonable student loan debt to increase your potential lifetime earnings.

Regularly discuss your views of household transportation needs and wants. Financial counselors regularly notice large car or truck payments as a common overspending habit in households going through bankruptcy. Make sure the two of you are on the same page when it comes to your transportation needs versus your transportation wants.

When it comes to saving for the education costs of a child or children you might have, discuss the importance of education with your child while also considering how human nature tends to value those things we invest our own resources in. Having “skin in the game,” so to speak, can inspire your child to focus on completing his or her education. Your priority as a couple, though, should always be your own retirement. After all, while your child can take out student loans for their education, there are no “retirement loans” you can take out to live on after turning 67.

Make it a habit to attend free financial education programs, whether in person or online as opportunities arise. Avoid paying for programs that charge, since you are paying for celebrity and hype more than content. gov offers a great list of resources to start with.

Finally, consider making “Generosity First” a way of life. While it seems counterintuitive, committing to give away a percentage of your income right off the top to charities, churches or causes close to your heart can benefit you financially in the long-term. Think of it this way: If you commit to giving $100 or $500 a month to a charity or church helping the homeless, you will be a better steward of your remaining money because your understanding of your needs and wants will be much more clearer and brighter than couples who care only for looking out for themselves. Instead of justifying extravagant lifestyles and fashionable purchases, you will be more likely to put your financial resources toward the short- and long-term goals you have identified as most important to the two of you. You will have greater strength to resist the American way of life that prioritizes the accumulation of possessions above relationship-building experiences. Discuss as a couple whether you will automate a specific amount or a specific percentage of your income, while talking about the cause most important to you as individuals and your new family unit.

As you approach or commence this exciting new stage of life’s journey, take advantage of the honeymoon period where very few topics are off limits to discussion, and where the sharing of ideas, hopes and dreams is accepted and considered by your partner. Finances may never be the most exciting topic to you in this life, but financial stability and success will breed emotional security and a closeness between the two of you that no amount of money will ever be able to buy. Financially stable love truly is grand!

from https://moneydoneright.com/newlywed-finances/ from https://success11011.blogspot.com/2019/08/newlywed-finances-how-to-prevent.html

[success0]

Newlywed Finances: How to Prevent Financial Mistakes Before and After the Wedding

This is a guest post from Todd Christensen over at Money Fit by DRS, Inc.

Isn’t love grand? Falling in love is such an exciting time for creating dreams, sharing hopes, and focusing your emotional energies on building a lasting relationship! Who wants to spoil all the fun by talking about money, credit, debt and spending? No one, which is why so many couples return from their honeymoon to a financial nightmare that increases the stress that naturally begins to build in relationships that might stifle openness and hide fear.

Earlier generations made the mistake of believing discussions of money were impolite, rude, and even crass. In public, such discussions may still generate similar reactions, but inside a home and between couples, money talks should be not only frequent but the norm.

If you or your spouse (or spouse-to-be) tend to steer away from money topics, consider the following thoughts and ideas for starting conversations that can lead to sincere sharing of goals, fears and hopes surrounding personal finance. If you find this topic a bit scary, keep in mind the frightening alternatives of hiding income and spending from each other, growing apart due to diverging financial goals, and the stresses of over indebtedness.

Financially Preparing for the Wedding

While the cake, the dress and the reception band add to the beauty and thrill of the wedding day, the two of you need to discuss your financial priorities when it comes to your big event. ValuePenguin.com found in 2019 that the average wedding in the US costs nearly $30,000, ranging from $13,000 in Mississippi and Utah to nearly $90,000 in New York (Manhattan). By far, the largest wedding-day expense is the venue and catered food, far outstripping the engagement ring, the wedding dress and the photographer.

Without meaning to discourage any couple from having the wedding of their dreams, it must be noted that a 2014 study found a strong association between costly weddings and high divorce rates. The study concluded that couples who spend less on their wedding ceremonies report significantly less marital stress and actually stay married longer on average.

Making Post-Wedding Plans Together

As you discuss together the hopes and dreams you have for your future, keep in mind that many of those wishes will require money or financing to become a reality. Create a list of five financial goals the two of you would like to work toward. Examples might include home ownership within three years, family-related expenses such as children and vacations, and ideas and thoughts about long-term retirement.

Creating this list of mutually agreed upon hopes and wishes while planning the wedding can help both fiancé(e)s to stay grounded and focused on their most important goals. After all, an entire industry has sprung up in the past two generations to urge couples to go into more and more debt to create their “perfect” day. A written list of common financial goals can make it easier to decide whether you want to hold your wedding ceremony at a far-flung exotic location with 25 of your best friends, in your back yard with homemade soup and sheet cakes, or somewhere in between.

Financially Preparing for the Honeymoon

As you approach discussions about where to spend your honeymoon and how long you want it to last, share your thoughts about consumer debt and, more specifically, credit card debt. As you make plans for your honeymoon, keep in mind the importance of minimizing debts and the power credit card debt has to eat into your future financial goals thanks to average interest rates in the 15% to 17% range.

Still, using a credit card while traveling, especially internationally, tends to be a better choice security-wise than a debit card. If you lose your card or have it skimmed at a foreign ATM, you are less likely to be out any of your own money. After all, with the law on your side, you are liable for $50 at most if you report suspicious or fraudulent activity promptly to your credit card company.

If you take a credit card on your honeymoon, make sure to have enough cash saved up ahead of time to afford to pay off the credit card in full upon your return. Whether you have been married two weeks or two decades, coming home from a trip with a massive credit card bill is a sure way to increase stress and possibly even drive a wedge between you two.

Credit Cards and the Rollercoaster Analogy

Think about paying for your honeymoon like you would a favorite roller coaster at popular theme park. Most park visitors are willing to wait upwards of 60 minutes or more to ride a two-minute coaster. While waiting in line, you are discussing what the ride will be like, enjoying the thrill of the anticipation. After the ride, you share your experience positively with others you waited in line with. If, on the other hand, you had the opportunity to ride the roller coaster immediately, without waiting ahead of time, and were then required to stand in a “post-ride” line for the same 60 minutes, you would experience no anticipation whatsoever. Instead, the same 60 minutes would feel like punishment, leaving you frustrated and irritated.

This same principle applies to vacations and honeymoons. Saving up for the trip in advance creates a feeling of shared anticipation, whereas the debt resulting from a lack of preparation creates disappointment and even dissatisfaction and frustration with the experience. If you don’t have the financial means to pay for the vacation of your dreams as part of your honeymoon, consider a more affordable experience while setting a goal to save your exotic travel until your fifth or tenth anniversary. Besides the financial discipline, you will build the shared anticipation that brings couples closer together rather than pushing them further apart.

Financially Committing to Each Other after the Honeymoon is Over

While these suggestions should happen after your return from the honeymoon at the very latest, you may also consider putting them into place before the wedding. Each of these recommendations is, first and foremost, a commitment. Don’t think of these recommendations as committing to doing something for someone else’s benefit. Rather, they are commitments you make to each other, to your relationship and to your shared future.

The Weekly Financial Huddle

Commit to a meeting once a week for five to fifteen minutes on the same day and at the same time to hold a “financial huddle.” Come to the huddle with your checking account balanced so you can quickly review your short- and long-term financial goals.

Discuss upcoming bills, who will pay them, and what methods you will use to pay them (e.g. cash, check, online, debit card, autopay). Finish by returning to your goals to figure out what you can do the following week to accelerate your progress toward each one.

A Household Banking System that Works for You

Commit to setting up and using a household banking system that works for you as a couple. If you choose to keep your finances completely separate, be prepared for the possibility of feelings of inequality in the relationship, suspicion or even of being used or neglected. While keeping finances separated can work for some couples, consider combining household accounts into a single bill-paying account and multiple short- and long-term savings accounts for shared goals

The real key is having a separate account for each spouse with an equal amount of fun money. Each spouse can spend his or her monthly fun money however he or she so chooses, with no need be accountable to the other for that spending. So long as its legal and ethical within your relationship, each spouse can spend his or her “fun money” without fear of feeling guilty or irresponsible.

Creating a Household Spending Plan

Commit to creating and living within a household spending plan (aka budget) that maps out how to save for emergencies and your goals, to invest in the future, to pay your bills, and to have some fun. Consider the various forms of budgets available, from the traditional to the percentage-based to the account-based. Choose a spending plan you are both comfortable with and can both believe in.

Insuring Your Future Together

Commit to insuring your present and your future together. Choose an insurance company you are both comfortable with so you can consider combining your vehicle insurance and your renters insurance policies, taking advantage of multiple-policy discounts.

Building Your Credit Together

Commit to keeping (or getting) your credit ratings in great shape. You do not have to aim for 800 (top 10%), but 750 or up will not only get you the best interest rates on your future mortgage and other loans but will typically mean lower car and homeowner insurance premiums, increased likelihood of positive job interviews, lower utility security deposits, and even getting you into the apartment complex of your choice. If either of you struggle with a poor credit rating, find 17 tips for improving it here.

If your spouse comes into the marriage with terrible credit, take comfort in the fact that his or her pre-marriage credit will have no effect on your rating. Only accounts opened jointly (commonly after the wedding) will change your credit score, for better or for worse. Rather than joint credit card account, you may want to consider adding your spouse to your credit card account as an authorized user to avoid any harm to your credit rating.

Creating a Debt Elimination Strategy

While debts incurred prior to your marriage will not affect each other’s credit rating and will not legally bind the other spouse to the debt obligation, keep in mind that your individual goals will tend to give way to your couple goals. Done right, this is not a loss of individual freedoms or the surrender of your personality to the “greater good” but the building of something that is greater, more beautiful and more enjoyable than the sum of its parts. Creating a debt elimination plan might involve slow and steady debt payments to credit card companies, student loan service providers, car loan companies, and others.

If you can afford to repay your debts together without turning to an outside party, look at these four methods of accelerating your debt freedom day as painlessly as possible, including the debt avalanche, snowball, landslide and cascade methods.

Third-party Debt Elimination Options

If you need to turn to a third-party, look first to a nonprofit credit counseling agency that belongs to a national trade association such as the FCAA. Such agencies work with your creditors to lower your interest rates and get you out of debt within 5 years or less. They are likely to have fees, but any fees will be capped and regulated by your state of residence.

In a few cases, working with your creditors to negotiate a less-than-balance-owed payoff might be an option. This method, known as debt settlement, will have long-lasting negative effects on your credit rating, but if debt elimination is the goal above credit building, it may be something to investigate.

Bankruptcy as the Last Option

If the debt is so overwhelming that it prevents you for providing for your basic needs, you may want to consider bankruptcy. Filing a bankruptcy petition in federal court is nobody’s idea of a walk in the park, but it can afford much needed relief in cases of wage garnishments, threats of foreclosure or repossession, and the feeling of hopelessness in the face of life-long debts, whether by choice (e.g. credit card), by medical necessity (medical bills and collection accounts), or unexpected financial hardships (e.g. job loss and divorce).

While bankruptcy will significantly harm your credit rating for seven to ten years, studies show that filers with protected retirement accounts are generally able to catch back up financially with the rest of their demographic cohort. You should keep in mind, when considering bankruptcy, that financial obligations such as student loans, child support, taxes, and criminal fines are not usually forgivable in court.

Turning your Savings Commitment into Your Most Important Monthly Bill

Commit to saving something – anything – from every paycheck, every tax return, every gift, and every unexpected amount of income to put toward your mutual goals. Consider a deposit into your savings accounts to be your first and most important household bill. Pay no one else before yourself. It does not have to be much, but consistency will trump amount in the long run.

Building your Happily Ever After One Dollar at a Time

Once the dust has settled and the two of you begin to feel settled into your married lives, make sure you continue to work together on your financial future. Additional tasks to address together will include the following:

Work toward your retirement hopes and plans. Consider visiting with a certified financial planner or a chartered financial analyst to make sure you are taking advantage of all financial tools you have available to you, such as a 401(k)/403(b) and Individual Retirement Accounts, to get you rolling down the path toward financial independence.

Determine what your home ownership goals are. Do you want to own sooner, later, never? Make sure you understand the long-term value along with the obligations that homeownership brings. If you choose to work toward homeownership, set up a down payment account to which you will automatically make deposits each month. Most new homeowners fail to realize that, beside the down payment, they will often need $5,000 to $10,000 or more to furnish their new home with furniture, appliances, window treatments, in addition to landscaping.

Do you and/or your spouse have additional education and professional training goals? Discuss the possibilities of saving for related expenses and compare those possibilities with taking out student loans. Make sure you understand the limitations of borrowing and the dangers of overborrowing compared to the possibly beneficial impact of reasonable student loan debt to increase your potential lifetime earnings.

Regularly discuss your views of household transportation needs and wants. Financial counselors regularly notice large car or truck payments as a common overspending habit in households going through bankruptcy. Make sure the two of you are on the same page when it comes to your transportation needs versus your transportation wants.

When it comes to saving for the education costs of a child or children you might have, discuss the importance of education with your child while also considering how human nature tends to value those things we invest our own resources in. Having “skin in the game,” so to speak, can inspire your child to focus on completing his or her education. Your priority as a couple, though, should always be your own retirement. After all, while your child can take out student loans for their education, there are no “retirement loans” you can take out to live on after turning 67.

Make it a habit to attend free financial education programs, whether in person or online as opportunities arise. Avoid paying for programs that charge, since you are paying for celebrity and hype more than content. gov offers a great list of resources to start with.

Finally, consider making “Generosity First” a way of life. While it seems counterintuitive, committing to give away a percentage of your income right off the top to charities, churches or causes close to your heart can benefit you financially in the long-term. Think of it this way: If you commit to giving $100 or $500 a month to a charity or church helping the homeless, you will be a better steward of your remaining money because your understanding of your needs and wants will be much more clearer and brighter than couples who care only for looking out for themselves. Instead of justifying extravagant lifestyles and fashionable purchases, you will be more likely to put your financial resources toward the short- and long-term goals you have identified as most important to the two of you. You will have greater strength to resist the American way of life that prioritizes the accumulation of possessions above relationship-building experiences. Discuss as a couple whether you will automate a specific amount or a specific percentage of your income, while talking about the cause most important to you as individuals and your new family unit.

As you approach or commence this exciting new stage of life’s journey, take advantage of the honeymoon period where very few topics are off limits to discussion, and where the sharing of ideas, hopes and dreams is accepted and considered by your partner. Finances may never be the most exciting topic to you in this life, but financial stability and success will breed emotional security and a closeness between the two of you that no amount of money will ever be able to buy. Financially stable love truly is grand!

from https://moneydoneright.com/newlywed-finances/

[julster25-blog]

Emotional and Social Intelligence Competencies

I am confident in:

Relationship Management

My confidence in my ability to be a coach and mentor stems from my athletic experience. Athletics has allowed me to develop communication skills to address personal obstacles, uplift morale and develop plans to overcome hurdles. I recently used the core competency of coaching with my boyfriend. We had just finished bowling, and he lost both games by a decent amount. I had noticed he was tensing up and becoming aggravated during the games but knew approaching him during the activity would not be fruitful. He was depressed, complaining about how he was a failure and that I am better than him at most things. I approached his issue as a coach afterward and had him discuss why he felt that way. Once the details were given, I thought about them on our way back to the car. I told him that he could not make everything a competition and to appreciate the experience of having fun after work. Told him he needed to remember losing is part of life and does not mean we will fail at other things we attempt. We also discussed he has to experience losing at the small things so when he fails at something more substantial, he is prepared emotionally and can move on from the disappointment. The conversation was successful because his mood uplifted; he stopped focusing on the loss and was looking forward overcoming his next hurdles no matter the size.

Self Management

A core competency I have confidence in is my ability to achieve what I set my mind on. I set goals for myself regarding work, home improvements, academics, and travel. The most recent achievement I have experienced is my acceptance into Northern Kentucky University’s MBA program. On top of attending NKU online, my grades have remained decent, and I am set to graduate in the spring. This personal achievement is significant to me because I thought I lost my opportunity to go back to college. However, recent changes in my life allowed me to consider going back to college, but I was still debating the amount of time involved. I evaluated how I felt about my time management skills and how college would impact my life. Even though I knew the path would be difficult, frustrating and time-consuming, I submitted my application. I work hard to achieve my personal goals and those others set for me.

Relationship Management

Teamwork is a core competency I have practiced since I can remember. My time playing soccer is one of the main reasons I feel confident in how I contribute to a team. Church activities are another reason because I volunteered at numerous events and all the competitive games played in the youth group. A recent experience I have had with teamwork is the department I am in at work. We recently had to close our CRM for 2018, and it was all on hands on deck to clean the files from recent campaigns. I understood our goal and immersed myself in my tasks. Once mine finished, I helped my co-workers with their project instead of sitting back and waiting for everyone to finish. The department was able to close the CRM early and save money! Without teamwork, everyone would focus on their tasks and not contribute to the bigger picture when their jobs are completed.

I need to improve on:

Relationship Management

Influence is a characteristic I feel that I could build on to improve my emotional intelligence. The reasoning behind the choice is I listen and observe others without contributing my thoughts. My plan to improve my ability to influence others or achieve my desired result is voice my opinion during strategy meetings, which occur monthly. To influence at the strategy meeting, I want to discuss what is working, failing and how to improve the process in various departments. To work on influencing I will need also work on explaining myself. I have a habit of only explaining half of my thoughts. To remember to practice this competency, I will place a reminder in my calendar thirty minutes before meetings. A reminder will help me organize my notes and come prepared. I will also study terminology and vocabulary that can evoke positive reactions or help articulate what I think we can achieve. Most of all I will remind myself to breathe and not rush, my words are valuable.

Social Awareness

Another competency I can improve on is empathy. I listen to others and acknowledge issues they are facing with words but internally not caring. The lack of empathy is due to surface level relationships and me keeping others at a distance. My belief is my coworkers and friends are experiencing my false condolences. I have also come to realize that I try to one-up their stories with my own. These two qualities lack emotional intelligence, and I need to remedy my responses to grow as a leader. My goal to overcome this issue of mine is to apply it to social situations at church. There are always activities taking place, and I attend them regularly, Wednesday and Sunday service. To keep empathy at the forefront, I plant to ask three individuals about their week. If any of them talk about difficulties such as family needs or prayer requests, I will inquire about the topic. From there I will offer my help, prayer and let them know I am available anytime to talk. I will leave my issues aside and focus on my friends and co-workers.

Self Management

Recently, my emotional self-control has been tested with school, work and family events. Emotional self-controlled is defined as “the ability to manage disturbing emotions and remain effective, even in stressful situations” (“Why Emotional,” 2018). My classwork has left me stressed which has affected my work environment. I tense up every time I look at my class calendars and focus on homework assignments, rather than work, so I do not have to complete them at home. Also, family gatherings have been stressful with holidays coming up, and I instead work on homework rather than focus on having fun. Stressful situations have led me to be homework driven, closed off from others, and unaware of how my actions affect others. Examples of these actions are my temper which has a shorter fuse, words are sharper, and I am quick to respond without thinking about my words. To improve my emotional self-control, I will work on my social self-awareness and observe how I am affecting others. I will work on this competency by stopping what I am doing when something significant occurs and internally check what is going on within my body and mind. Such as the tensing of shoulders, gritting teeth and asking myself what I am feeling. After reviewing my symptoms, I will talk myself down, take a quick walk or remove myself from the situation. I would apply this to any time I receive an interruption while working, which is daily. My goal is to control how I respond to stressful situations, so my coworkers and friends are not on the receiving end of adverse reactions.

Reference

Why Emotional Self-Control Matters. (2018, June 05). Retrieved November 17, 2018, from https://www.mindful.org/emotional-self-control-matters/

[s0022496a2film-blog]

4 - Post A.

Evaluation

Introduction

I aim to analyse and assess my Creative Investigation essay and how my planning posts have led to my final film, whilst also discussing how my film has been developed from various pieces of work from last year’s portfolio. My primary focus in my Creative Investigation was to evaluate whether or not Ben Stiller could be considered as an official auteur in reference to Andrew Sarris’ Auteur Theory. Alongside this study, I also discussed how Stiller’s films are seen as genre films opposed to art, therefore he is not a quintessential auteur. But he is yet to prove his potential, as he has not directed many films.

 Representation

I aimed to represent a specific element of the media, as Stiller does with each of my focal texts. Reality Bites focuses on an aspiring documentary filmmaker, Zoolander represents male models and Tropic Thunder looks at a group of actors. From this I decided to centre my film around a young ‘vlogger’ (also known as a ‘youtuber’) as in recent years they have become hugely popular. I also wanted to satirise vloggers, as Ben Stiller has done in the films he has directed. Yet Ben Stiller often looks at these groups of characters with pity quite often and underlines his film with a potentially darker message. So whilst the humour is ‘easy’ on the surface, Stiller deals with much more pressing issues (e.g. exploitation). Therefore I also wanted to explore something more serious. I was inspired by ‘twitter beef’ between celebrities such as Chrissy Teigan, Donald Trump, Kanye West and Azaelia Banks, as it quite often reaches the headlines. I presented a rivalry between my two characters which peaks (during my film) when Ophelia decides to expose the contract between them, making them look like friends, in order to “get more followers”. I decided to show this to the audience by using a screen recording of Ophelia’s video and then John’s online response, and subsequent backlash.

 HELLO GORGEOUS:

I decided to show it this way, as it is what John sees on the screen but it would also what any of Ophelia or John’s ‘subscribers’ would see, putting them directly into the film.

TROPIC THUNDER:

ZOOLANDER:

REALITY BITES:

These shots of the TV screens inspired me, as each sequence was almost a low in their careers. The Tropic Thunder still shows an interview of Stiller’s character being humiliated. The still from Zoolander is at a low point in Zoolander’s career I which he gives up modelling and returns back home, only for his family to be embarrassed by the video shown above. The still from Reality Bites is of Lelaina’s documentary, which has been completely torn apart by the production company, a low point in her career. Therefore I decided to use shot of the screen to depict a low point in John’s career, shortly after he had been exposed, much like the characters of Stiller’s films. All the shots also feature the colour blue. Stiller’s films in general feature the heavy use of primary colours (Zoolander is a prime example) I wanted to do this within my film, so I created three different colour presets. I used yellow for John’s vlogs as they were light and sunny, blue for Ophelia’s vlog in showing the low-point of John’s career and red for everything else to act as a strong contrast between reality and what John’s ‘audience’ see and represent the two different sides to John.

 I was inspired, not only by the colours in Zoolander, but also the primary colours used in Richard Ayoade’s Submarine which I have studied as part of Film A Level. Ayoade uses the colours to match emotion (e.g. blue = sad), which is something I achieved in my film.

 SUBMARINE:

Here red is used to emphasise passion and warmth.

 Genre

Stiller’s films are predominantly comedy, with the occasional comedy hybrid. I wanted to make a comedy with a focus on a melodramatic character. Stiller explores such characters, and even the stereotype of the characters, via soundtrack and the dancing along to it.

  ZOOLANDER:

(Soundtrack: Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go - Wham)

REALITY BITES:

(Soundtrack: My Sharona - The Knack)

TROPIC THUNDER:

(Soundtrack: Get Back - Ludacris)

 Each film used a well-known song in a scene of dancing. In Zoolander, Stiller emphasises the stupidity of the male models and their dangerous lack of safety as they dance about whist driving. In Reality Bites, the dancing is used to depict a sense of carelessness and youth within the characters as a song they like starts playing whilst they’re grocery shopping. In Tropic Thunder, Tom Cruise’s character dances at the end when Tugg breaks out of his type cast by winning an Oscar.

 HELLO GORGEOUS:

Soundtrack: (I Feel Good - James Brown (Big Skapinsky Remix))

 In my film, I wanted my character to dance to the soundtrack to reveal his extroverted, fun and extremely confident personality. By choosing the song ‘I Feel Good’ by James Brown, I hoped to evoke a reaction from the audience, whether they feel they should dance along or laugh at John’s dancing. I also decided to use a remix from Sound Cloud, which was uncopyrighted, as many you-tubers struggle with finding such music and instead use a remix much like the one I featured. One audience member said they really enjoyed my use of soundtrack and how it changed from diegetic to non-diegetic when John wasn’t dancing.

 I chose to use costume in aid of characterisation. I was inspired by Stiller’s use of costume in Tropic Thunder and Zoolander to create a costume exhibiting the flair of John’s personality.

 COSTUME INSPIRATION:

My original costume sketch vs. The final costume used.

Both of these costumes inspired me. The bold print in Derek’s costume and the opened shirt of Les Grossman both aided my design. Both characters are extremely self-invested and their costumes reflect that and I wanted to mirror that through my film.

Narrative

Ben Stiller follows a linear narrative in each of his films. Tropic Thunder being the only exception as it includes a flashback moment of when Stiller’s character was in a Forrest-Gump-style film. The narrative is similar to Chris Vogler’s hero model as a hero is established and then faced with a challenge, which they overcome. However, each character Stiller presents is clearly flawed. And whilst the characters come of age (in a sense), they do not really stray from these faults, making them questionable ‘heroes’. I wanted to create a rivalry, like the one between Derek and Hansel and Tugg Speedman and Kirk Lazarus, in Stiller’s films. They start off by hating each other but then they learn they need each others help in order to succeed. I created this in my film through editing. I wanted to show a clear difference between reality and the staged reality the characters create.

HELLO GORGEOUS:

STORYBOARD:

 I decided to use two different shots to illustrate the difference. I followed my storyboard closely at this moment.

 I added a border so that it was obvious to the audience, aside from the drastic change of enthusiasm, which this was something John was filming. In Reality Bites, there are lots of shots designed to look like Lelaina is filming them, which then change to her in real life, so it is like we are watching the clip, rather than the real event.

REALITY BITES:

Style

Ben Stiller also shows hints of a postmodern style within his work, which I hoped to accomplish with my concept. The concept of my film is regarding the constructs the audience the audience can witness when Ophelia and John are ‘filming’ but they see the other side of their personality when they are shown as their true selves, whilst the audience within the film only sees the construct. The idea of vloggers is that they are supposed to be real people who show audiences their lives, yet I wanted to show these people leading almost a double life because of the ‘media personalities’ they have created. Goodbye Lenin, by Wolfgang Becker and another film I have studied as part of A-Level Film Studies, weaves a similar web of lies which the protagonist deals with and this also inspired my film, as I wanted the conflict to lie within the superficiality of the characters and their relationship.

 I was also inspired to feature a cameo within my film, much like Stiller does within his, yet I was unable to work with Ben Stiller on my film, so I decided to make John have a ‘crush’ on Ben Stiller and used a poster as a prop, showing his influence over the character, as well as the film.

HELLO GORGEOUS:

Critical Approaches

Even though I decided that Stiller’s films are probably more genre than art, and that he needs to make more films to be considered as one of Sarris’ auteurs, I could be seen as the auteur of my film, as I had an even larger role to play than Stiller did in his films directing, editing, writing my own film, as well as thinking of all the elements of mise en scene, cinematography and sound, suggesting I had a colossal impact in the production of my film.

 Influence of the Course

Studying Digital technology has also made me aware of the changing media landscape, such as the influence of YouTube and ‘vloggers’ upon the younger generation and society in general. Digital technology has made it easy for any to make content, and platforms such as YouTube make such content accessible for everyone. While this has been most useful in my filmmaking experience as I shot on a DSLR and uploaded it to YouTube, many critics of digital technology argue that the art of film has been lost, due to such digital technology. This also links back to the genre vs. art debate regarding Stiller’s work, as he produced a film as a result of digital technology, which was probably elevated by his own celebrity status, as well a those starring in the films. So the lower film standards, such as vlogging (and some even argue Stiller’s films) have affected the quality of films.

 My filmmaking techniques have also evolved since my coursework last year. I experimented with a soundtrack and dialogue, I also took more time to edit the film and explore different transitions and cuts, such as the montage I decided to incorporate. I also experimented with different styles of filming, such as screen recording and having the actors film the ‘vlogs’.

YEAR 1 COURSEWORK:

YEAR 2 COURSEWORK:

Conclusion

I think I have produced a successful piece of work which achieved what I had set out to do: make a film which has been clearly influenced by Ben Stiller. I have also explored the micro technical features much further than before and have created an artefact with interior meaning and clear style. I have been inspired by the course and have been influenced especially by Ben Stiller’s filmmaking. When looking back at the auteur debate, via Sarris’ theory, I have fulfilled much of his criteria, as I have tackled the production and distribution of the film by myself, taking on all roles (except actor), similarly to Stiller in his films. However the lack of films I have made and digital platform I have used may cause people to question such a title.

 WORD COUNT (including Headings and Subheadings) – 1,892

BACK TO CONTENTS

[vaanibct]

Integrative Practice

Creative Area 3

Having known multiple languages (Hindi, English, Spanish and a bit of Punjabi), I thought that integrating “Language” as one of my Creative Areas would allow me to better understand the formation of language as a means of communication and to express feelings / emotion. At first, I wanted to focus on learning the history of my ‘mother tongue,’ Hindi, or even understand the origin of the Spanish language. However, I was not able to find any resources regarding these areas, so I broadened my idea to ‘language’ in general. This way, I though I could learn about the principles of language and also familiarise with different types of unusual / unspoken languages used to communicate thoughts and ideas.

Resource 1:

Bonvillain, N. (2003). Language, culture, and communication: The meaning of messages. Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Prentice Hall, Inc.

This book presents a discussion of the multifaceted meanings and uses of language. It emphasises the ways that language encapsulates speakers’ meanings and intentions. It includes data from cultures and languages throughout the world in order to document both similarities and differences in human language.

“Language is an integral part of human behaviour. It is the primary means of interaction between people. Speakers use language to convey their thoughts, feelings, intentions and desires to others. Language links interlocutors in a dynamic, reflexive process. We learn about people through what they say and how they say it.; we learn about ourselves through the ways other people react to what we say; and we learn about our relationships with others through the give-and-take of communicative interactions.”

Through reading the introduction to this book, I have learned a new aspect of language that I was previously unaware of but knew myself to do. Language is enriched by the uses that people make of it. And there are three main uses transmitted are:

Situational - forms of language that occur or are excluded in various contexts. For e.g - in formal situations, we speak clearly, enhance our grammar and avoid using slang words. 

Social - linguistic alternatives chosen by different groups of people within a community. For e.g - when working in a particular professions / occupations, you are supposed to employ special terminology or jargons, like in science or medical departments etc.

Cultural - expressed both in symbolic senses of words and by the ways that interlocutors evaluate communicative behaviour. For e.g - when we are in an environment that involves a different culture, we tend not to swear or use inappropriate words that can be impolite.

“The function of language is to express the speaker’s meaning. Although meaning is global in the sense that it is thought and experienced as a simultaneous whole, is must be encoded through language in segmented linear form.”

The first chapter of the book was based on Phonetics and Phonemic Analysis, along with Prosodic Features and Syntax (sentence structure), however, I just skim read this pages because my main focus was to learn and understand using language for communication. A section that I found interesting to read in this chapter though was based on Semantics: The analysis of Meaning. I leaned that Semantic Analysis is quite complex as meaning includes many kinds of input - words have referential senses and cultural meanings which can be affected by sentence constructions.

“Sign Language signs are composed of formally distinct features that co-occur in various combinations. It employs four basic kinds of articulatory parameters in the production or articulation of signs including: Hand Configuration (how that hands are shaped), Place of Articulation (where a sign is formed in relation to the signer's body), Movements of Hands in Space, and Orientation of Hands in relation to the body.”

Another topic that I found relevant to my research in this chapter was - Manual Language. Although I wanted to focus on Indian or Spanish language, I thought that reading about the formation of Sign Language and how it is used to express an idea would provide me with an insight on the use of non-verbal languages to communicate, which could then help me to find links between spoken languages.

“Although different meanings attributed to non-verbal behaviours by members os different groups can contribute to tense encounters, the discrepancies can also be a source of cultural humour. Within a given society, patterns of non-verbal behaviour often function to signal differences in status. In some cultures, specific gestures can be used as general markers of politeness. For e.g. patterns of bowing in Japan and other Asian societies are intricate signs of respect and deference.”

Non verbal actions are the gestures, facial expressions, eye contact, body posture and use of space that people integrate with spoken language to convey meaning. These aspects (kinesics and proxemics) are critical to observe as they add to the overall emotions that the speaker is trying to express.

Just by reading the first two chapters of the book, I have learned so much about Language in itself. Reading some of the information, I related it to myself and my past experiences where I may have used a particular aspect of Language (like gestures, silence etc.). One thing that I realised is that Silence is also seen as non-verbal communication. For e.g. silence is useful in situations of ambiguity, encounters between strangers, initial courtship, showing respect, times of mourning or a reaction to display anger. I found this very intriguing to know because there are so many times where I’ve stayed quiet to portray that I’m angry or frustrated.

Since this is quite an informative and wordy book, I didn’t read all of it, however, I skimmed through chapters of “Language and Cultural Meaning” (which covered aspects like the Foundations of Ethnolinguistics, Ethnoscience, Cultural Presupposition and Extended and Transferred Meaning), “Contextual Components” (which covered the topics of Ethnography of Communication, Routines, Speech Acts and Greetings/Apologies) and “Communicative Interactions” (which covered Directives and Politeness).

While looking through the Table of Contents, I found a chapter on “Cross Cultural Studies of Language and Gender,” which contained some information about ‘Images of Gender in Linguistic Form’ for Spanish Language, so I decided to read that. However, I soon realised that I already had that knowledge from studying Spanish for 4 years at High School. So moving on, I decided to look at the Chapter of “Multilingual Nations” because India was stated as the top one. I thought that this would give me some insight on the creation of so many of languages that originated in India and how differently they are from each other in terms of style, grammar, gender etc.  

“Linguistic Diversity in India is enormous. Hundreds of different languages are spoken, distributed among four distinct language families: Indo-Aryan, Dravidian, Austro-Asiatic and Tibeto-Burman. In addition to Hindi (India’s “official” language) and 14 other “national” languages, each state can choose its own “regional” language.”

Now, this was very interesting to read because I had no idea that firstly, the languages were divided into “families” and secondly, that “there are problems not only in state boundaries and selection of regional languages but there are also controversies in choosing writing systems for local and national languages.” Even with regional and the national language, there are still millions of people (considered as the Linguistic Minorities) who can’t speak either.

Overall, I was really educated by reading this book as I was provided with information that I had no prior knowledge of, and also given an insight on the use of numerous languages (spoken and unspoken) that need different aspects to communicate meaning and feelings. I will use this information to get a better understanding of how I portray some of these linguistic aspects when I’m communicating, and how I can improve my way of conversing.

Resource 2:

Macnamara, J. (Ed.). (1977). Language Learning and Thought. London, United Kingdom: Academic Press, Inc. 

This book was focused on the psychology of Language and linguistic rules that are used to communicate. It also talks about the relationship between language learning and thought while further explaining the change in language with evidence from the related / relevant experiments performed.

“I will assume without apology that language and thought are distinct. I will assume, too, that language normally expresses thought.”

Looking at the first page of the book, I read this. And I don’t know why the writer has said that they will “assume” that language is used to express thoughts. As I have learned from the previous resource, I think it is certain that language, as a means of communication, is used to convey the speaker’s intentions and express their emotions.

“Macnamara (1972) argues that his main strategy must be to divine the speaker’s intention as a clue to language. This position presupposes that he is initially able to use nonlinguistic objects, events, and signals, as a clue to intention far more accurately than he can use speech.”

To be honest I didn’t really understand what the writer meant by this. I am guessing that he thinks that using nonlinguistic objects (objects that are present at the event), and gestures, eye contact etc. to signal the listener is a more accurate way of communicating than to use speech only, in which case I agree with the writer. As learnt from the previous book, I think that using bodily contact and non-verbal communication adds to what we are trying to say or express to another person.

In the next chapter, the writer has carried out experiments that build on the research of how little children understand what their mother is conversing to them or respond to their instructions under various conditions. Looking at the data and analysis of the experiments, I was surprised by how easily children can be misled by only a gesture or a look, even if they understand the linguistic instruction. The participants used eye-to-eye contact on the children as it is a powerful factor in telling the child that he was being addressed. I think I can relate this to a personal experience of mine - when I used to volunteer at my Mum’s Childcare Centre, I would often play with the kids and obviously communicate with them. However, some children, as usual, were quite unresponsive and acted out, so I had to be a bit strict with them and eye-to-eye contact definitely helped to influence them to follow instructions and behave. (I guess eye contact somewhat means equality, but also refers to dominance over the other person).

Overall, this book was not as informative as the previous resource. It focused more on the uses for communicating to children, and I did learn a bit about child behaviour and their ways of understanding a certain spoken direction. I also skim-read other books, however, none of them contained much information about expressing emotions and ideas through language, but focused on the psychology of universal languages.

Other references I looked at include:

[1] http://www3.brandonu.ca/cjns/15.2/dorais.pdf - Language, Culture and Identity: Some Inuit Examples.

[2] Deutscher, G. (2005). The unfolding of language: An evolutionary tour of mankind’s greatest invention. New York: Henry Holt and Company, LLC

[3] Tomasello, M. (Eds.). (2003). The New Psychology of Language: Cognitive and Functional Approaches to Language Structure (Vol. 2). Mahwah, New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Publishers. 

[4] Brown, P., & Levinson, S.C. (1987). Politeness: Some universals in Language usage. Cambridge, United Kingdom: Cambridge University Press.

————————————————————————————————————————

[mysteryshelf]

BLOG TOUR - Alan 2

DISCLAIMER: This content has been provided to THE PULP AND MYSTERY SHELF by Pump Up Your Book Book Tours. No compensation was received. This information required by the Federal Trade Commission.

______________________________________________________________________________

We invite you to Bruce Forciea’s ALAN 2 Blog Tour! Please leave a comment to let Bruce know you stopped by!

______________________________________________________________________________

Title: ALAN 2 Author: Bruce Forciea Publisher: Open Books Pages: 278 Genre: Cyber-Thriller

A brilliant artificial intelligence (AI) scientist, Dr. Alan Boyd, develops a new program that integrates part of his brain with a computer’s operating system. The program, Alan 2, can anticipate a user’s needs and automatically perform many tasks. A large software company, International Microsystems (IM) desperately wants the program and tempts Dr. Boyd with huge sums of money, but when Dr. Boyd refuses their offer, IM sabotages his job, leaving him in a difficult financial situation.

Dr. Boyd turns to Alan 2 for an answer to his financial problems, and Alan 2 develops plan Alpha, which is a cyber robin hood scheme to rob from rich corporations via a credit card scam.

Alan and his girlfriend Kaitlin travel to Mexico where they live the good life funded by plan Alpha, but the FBI cybercrime division has discovered part of Alan 2’s cyber escapades, and two agents, Rachel and Stu, trace the crime through the TOR network and Bitcoin.

Alan 2 discovers the FBI is on to them and advises Alan and Kaitlin to change locations. A dramatic chase ensues taking them to St. Thomas, a cruise ship bound for Spain, and finally to Morocco. 

Will they escape detection? They will if Alan 2’s Plan Beta can be implemented in time. Or is ‘Plan B’ something altogether different than it appears to be, something wholly sinister that will affect the entire population of the world?

Watch the trailer at YouTube!

Purchase Information:

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Publisher

Interview with the Author

What initially got you interested in writing?

I’ve always had concepts and stories rumbling around in my gray matter. I finally decided to put some of them down on paper.

What genres do you write in?

At present, I am writing mainly science fiction thrillers. I’ve also written some non-fiction books.

What drew you to writing these specific genres?

My love of science fiction. I grew up watching sci-fi movies on TV on Saturday afternoons as well as visiting the library to read books by the great science fiction authors such as Ray Bradbury, Arthur C. Clarke, and even Jules Verne.

How did you break into the field?

About 10 years ago I wrote a non-fiction book about healing. This led to writing some academic material and a study guide for Anatomy and Physiology. About 3 years ago I began writing fiction. My first novel, The X-Cure, was published in 2015 and led to my second novel, Alan 2.

What do you want readers to take away from reading your works?

I would like them to be able to escape and take an exciting journey through an alternate reality.

What do you find most rewarding about writing?

I like living with the story and characters in my mind while writing it. I find the process of writing a story very enjoyable.

What do you find most challenging about writing?

I would say, after the story has been written and edited and edited again, having to continue to read it after various formatting to look for errors. I find this rather draining and want to move on to another project, but I know it needs to be done.

What advice would you give to people wanting to enter the field?

Besides not quitting your day job, I would say to learn as much about marketing as you possibly can.

What type of books do you enjoy reading?

I enjoy a variety of books. Lately, it’s been science fiction, but more along the lines of cyberthrillers or technothrillers versus space travel and alternate universes.

Is there anything else besides writing you think people would find interesting about you?

Sure, I think it would be my background. I’ve had some interesting careers including teaching college anatomy and physiology, running my own chiropractic practice, working in electronics, international ice skating coach, and performer with a touring ice show.

  What are the best ways to connect with you, or find out more about your work?

  That would be my website:

  https://www.drbruceforciea.com

    EXCERPT:

Bang! Bang! Bang! The flimsy apartment door rattled on its frame with every blow.

“Kaitlin, don’t even think of answering that!” Alan growled through his teeth.

Kaitlin shrugged her shoulders and moved away from the door toward the living room where Alan sat at a table full of electronics gear.

“Dr. Boyd, are you home?” shouted the voice on the other side of the door in an Indian accent. “I want to talk to you. I have a very good offer. Please, Dr. Boyd, it will only take a minute, and I think you will be quite pleased with what we have for you.”

“Go away; leave us alone,” Alan shouted. “I don’t want your offer.”

“But Dr. Boyd, we do pay very well. We are great admirers of your work.”

“I don’t care and I don’t want your money,” said Alan. “Now go away before I call the police.”

“Think about it, Dr. Boyd; I will be in touch.”

“Incessant bastards,” said Alan as his attention turned back to his work. “I’ll cherish the day they leave us alone. Kaitlin, come over here and help me with this injection.”

Alan rolled up the sleeve of his t-shirt while Kaitlin picked up the syringe containing the gadolinium contrast. She pinched an ample section of skin and plunged the syringe into his arm. The needle stung like an angry wasp, causing Alan to grimace.

“Can’t you be gentle? You’ve done enough of these by now to get the hang of it. You shouldn’t jam it in like that!”

Kaitlin rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I think I do pretty well considering I don’t have any medical training,” she said while jerking the syringe out of his arm.

“Okay, okay. Just take your position at the console.”

She sighed, plopped onto a small task chair and rolled over to a makeshift wooden table holding a desktop PC and a large high-definition monitor. She had been through this process countless times before.

Alan entered a large metallic structure in the center of the living room. The box-like structure, made of aluminum, dominated the rectangular room which was devoid of furniture. Its dull silver hue contrasted the blank walls. He closed the door and climbed into a chair that looked like it came from an early Gemini spacecraft. The stiff plastic chair, sandwiched between two large metal discs, afforded a good deal of postural support but little comfort. He sat down and slowly slid his head between the thick metal and plastic arms of a large U-shaped device. There was just enough clearance as he wriggled his head to achieve the perfect position. He pulled down on a large metallic tube suspended above him so that it surrounded his entire head. He positioned the tube so that the rectangular slit lined up with his visual axis, allowing for a line of sight to the monitor located outside of the tube. The small fMRI scanner had taken a good deal of time and money to cobble together, but it was the only way to capture the needed information from his brain.

Alan viewed Kaitlin through a small round Plexiglas window in the door and signaled with a thumbs-up to begin the scan. She waved and entered the start sequence into the keyboard, sat back, slid an unlit cigarette between her lips and picked up a copy of People Magazine. He pushed his head back against the headrest and adjusted the monitor suspended on a boom so he could see the screen. The machine first hummed as it powered up and then made periodic knocking sounds.

Alan focused his attention on the monitor while the scanner began its first sequence. The monitor displayed a series of images designed to evoke emotions. Each image popped onto the screen and persisted for ten seconds before another replaced it. There was a small child holding hands with his father, a mother holding a baby, a couple admiring their child in a crib, and many more. All the images had been chosen to trigger emotional responses, causing changes in blood flow to certain areas of Alan’s brain. An image would appear for a few seconds and then the machine would complete a scan. The process repeated until all one hundred twenty-seven images had been displayed. The entire cycle then repeated two more times with random sequences of the same set of images.

This would be the final scan involving diffusion tensor imaging of Alan’s frontal lobes. Previous scans had involved the study of responses to a variety of topics. In addition to emotions such as sadness, joy, anxiety, and fear, there were cognitive studies that examined Alan’s problem solving techniques as well as his reaction to global events. In all, there were over one hundred fifty scans taken over the past two years. 

About the Author

Bruce Forciea is known for taking complex scientific concepts and making them easy to understand through engaging stories and simple explanations. He is an Amazon Best Selling Author and author of several books on healing and biology, along with science fiction thriller novels. His fiction writing draws on a diverse and eclectic background that includes touring and performing with a professional show, designing digital circuits, treating thousands of patients, and teaching. His stories include complex plots with unexpected twists and turns, quirky characters, and a reality very similar to our own. Dr. Forciea lives in Wisconsin and loves writing during the solitude of the long Northern winters. 

Website & Social Links:

WEBSITE | TWITTER | FACEBOOK

BLOG TOUR – Alan 2 was originally published on the Wordpress version of The Pulp and Mystery Shelf