#Strong and Muds are totally bros these days

[jacksothereye]

This is their album cover.

[w2beastars]

Waezi2′s thoughts on “Beast Complex” chapter 10.

No surprise that there are cults in the world of “Beast Complex.”

Our hero of today’s short is Ebisu who is an albino crow. Like a lot of white animals, he lives in District Ø.

The problem with being a “bright” (an animal who is completely white) is that there is a marked for their fur/feathers. There are even animals who has a preference of eating someone who is white from top to toe(like the Lion Mafia boss who wanted to eat Haru). So a lot of white animals chose to live their life in District Ø to try and stay safe.

But the neighborhood is essentially a cult. Only white animals live there and the whole town is white as well as well as illuminated by lights to make the white look even whiter(which explains the many shadows). The “brights” are obsessed with their precious fur that it makes them narcissistic.

It is most likely a state of mind that the animals of District Ø has adopted to better handle the fact that they are “trapped” in the district... one that makes them douchebags.

Ebisu is not happy about living in District Ø. In fact, he hates it. He feels that everyone he lives with are shallow and he is frightened by this sterile place.

But he meets someone who has every single reason to hate the place even more than he does.

This albino kangaroo is nicknamed “Orion”. One of Ebisu’s friends explains that she is called that since she is actually not a bright, she has black spots around her crotch that looks like the star constellation, hence her nickname. Ebisu is first confused why his friend knows that. But the friend just smiles and says he knows since he has seen her birth marks, just like most of the males in District Ø.

Yep. Orion is sleeping with males in the district to be allowed to stay despite not being totally white.

In frustration, Ebisu goes to a playground and throw himself in mud to get not-white and dirty. But he doesn’t get to stay alone as Orion coincidentally walks by and observe the albino crow who seemingly has lost it. That makes Ebisu even more angry since it is Orion who has triggered him since he consider her the most shallow of all the animals who lives in District Ø. And that’s saying something since most of the animals are pretty full of themselves.

Orion explains that she was looking for Ebisu since she overheard him asking about her and she assumes that the crow wanna sleep with her as well like everyone else. She says that she will do it since the guys in the district association has told her that the condition for her to stay is that she will offer her bodily services to the males of the district.

Yep, she is forced to be the hooker of the brights because of spots.

Ebisu is stunned by this cruelty. As Orion talks, Ebisu thinks about the stars on the sky that he can’t see because of the many damn lights that illuminates the white little town. How badly he want to see them and how he has decided not to see Orion’s “stars” like the way the other males does.

It is appropriate that this little moment between Ebisu and Orion takes place at a playground. After all, why is it that little boys pull little girls' pigtails on playgrounds?

For the same reason Ebisu throws mud at Orion and awkwardly laughs at his own bad joke. Orion doesn’t think Ebisu is funny at all and slaps him.

The next day we see Orion at work as a milk saleswoman. The lama she sells banana milk to tells her that one of his “senpai” wants to meet her later.

So yeah, that’s how little respect Orion gets. A dude wanna screw her and he doesn’t even ask her face to face. He just tells one of his bros to go and tell her to come see him later.

Fucking asshole. One of many.

Ebisu arrives before she agrees to it and even insults the lama by saying that he is a crow who wants actual protein filled milk and is not a “kiddo” who sucks banana juice.

Besides insulting the lama’s masculinity, Ebisu want to apologize for acting like a dumb kid.

The kangaroo and the crow goes for a walk as they talk about District Ø. Orion tells Ebisu that she was not born with spots, they came when she was about twelve. And that it was her parents who thought it was okay for the district leaders to deem her a prostitute.

Orion is an essential part of a cult or any other toxic communities. She is the black sheep in a VERY white herd of sheep. By having her in the district, she makes everyone feel better about themselves and they are very aware that she is all the males’ “toy” because she is allowed to stay in District Ø where she is safe from animals who wants to kill her for her white fur. So it is established that being white makes you better than everyone else and living in Ø is a blessing.

It’s cult 101.

Even poor Orion agrees that she is lucky to be allowed to stay as she is frightened of the world outside Ø where white animals gets murdered and skinned. Ebisu on the other hand thinks the small white world of the “blights” is even more scary.

But as they walk and talk, they don’t realize that they have walked outside their district. They only realize it when they can finally see the stars since there are no bright lamps to obscure them.

... That, and some extremely not-white animals ambush Ebisu since he as a albino crow is worth a small fortune.

This splash page is the heart of this little tale since this is the moment where Ebisu on first hand faces how scary the outside world actually is and that he is a target as a bright. And Orion realizes that she is a strong kangaroo whop can just kick threats away. And she saves Ebisu by not just kicking the assaulter away, she does it in a way so the crow can see her spots.

It reminds me of when Louis showed Juno his prosthetic leg. It’s a sign of trust and opening up about something you are ashamed of. Something you are okay with sharing.

Establishing their bond and trust in one another, Ebisu and Orion runs away from the sterile District Ø and toward the Hidden Condo where they start a less safe but probably happier life.

[donnies--jacket]

Mud Pup (Mud Dogz & Reader Headcannons)

relationship: familial

warnings: lil bit of swearing

a/n: HELLO, HI, YES, and welcome to what is likely going to be the only time i ever write on here. i've been thinking about these headcannons by @bootyyy-shaker9000 every day, and my little found family loving heart decided to make me write this. so here, take it.

also srry if it kinda jumps around a lot??? my adhd bitchass just has a dolphin brain and processes things kinda wack and it sorta effects how i write 😳. and i also wrote this at like 3am while very sleepy over the course of two days so dahfsdgfzdgfsdhfdgfsdgfs. also i didnt proofread this or anything i just. word vomit, yknow.

Living with the Mud Dogz was. interesting.

I mean, it wasn't bad, not at all, it was just... you were a family of four absolute himbos, with a total of one braincell among you and no one knows who has it.

Still, you love your dumbass dads and they love you!! Living with them was great!

Out of the three of them, Danny is the most parental with you-- probably because he's the oldest and relatively the most responsible of them.

He helps you with things like your homework and teaches you a lot of basic life skills like cooking and stuff, but he also helps out a lot with emotional problems, too. He's able to comfort you when you're anxious or sad, and can calm you down when you get angry.

G O D , Danny would absolutely have one of those "baby on board" stickers on his car.

Even though you're NOT a baby!! >:(( You're big and strong!!!

Mickey often tends to be much more of a fun older brother than a parent for you, but he still does always step up and fulfill that role when needed. Mostly though, y'all are just the most chaotic pair of siblings.

You're such horrible influences for each other omfg-

The two of you are constantly egging each other on to do stupid shit, and are so goddamn DESTRUCTIVE. If it weren't for Danny and Leonard, you would both be dead by now.

"Y/n and I are immortal. Our proof is that we haven't died yet."

Leonard is probably the most inexperienced when it comes to being a parent.

Growing up, he'd really only had his mother and, sadly, she'd passed away when he was little. His dad wasn't around much, so for a lot of his life he'd practically raised himself. He'd gotten so used to taking care of himself that he wasn't sure how to take care of others.

He'd gotten accustomed to watching out for Danny and Mickey after some time, but keeping an eye out for someone not even half his age was a lot more difficult for him.

Still though, he really tries his best and actively makes an effort to be there for you. He may not be as good at Danny is at parenting, or be able to connect with you in the same way that Mickey can, but he loves you just as much as they do, and you love him just as much as you do them.

Leonard honestly is the most "dad" of the bunch.

Like ofc they're all dads, but, as previously mentioned, Mick is so often much more of an older brother and Danny is honestly a lot more of a mom-type. Leonard fills the role of a father much better than the others.

Speaking of mom Danny.

Dan's maternal instincts are IMMACULATE. Like,,,,,,,, bro,,,,,,,

Each one of the Mud Dogz are so extreamely protective of you, but Danny is just... the most. To the point where it can be very overbearing.

"Y/n, careful!! That's sharp! You could cut yourself."

"Literally, I was just reading a book."

If there's anything that you can't stand about your family, it's how much they baby you. They treat you like a little kid!! They ask you if you want appy slices and little cups of peanut butter to dip them in, as if you aren't fully capable of getting your own DAMN appy slices!!!!

But, to be completely honest, the Mud Dogz are very anxious about you getting older. It felt like you were growing up so, so fast and they just... didn't really know how to handle it?

They knew that getting older was inevitable and all but they just weren't ready for that to happen. They weren't ready for you to grow up yet. That's why they baby you so much; because they don't want to have to let you go.

When you finally bring up just how frustrated you are with them babying you all the time, they explain this all to you; how scared they are that you're growing up and that you wont need them anymore.

"You guys... I'll always need you."

"...Really?"

"Of course!! You're my family, and my best friends! I love you. And you'll always be apart of my life."

Cut to the Mud Dogz absolutely BLUBBERING.

They crowded around you for a big group hug, and just about suffocated you.

"Heh, we love you too, kiddo."

"Just promise that you'll slow down a bit for us, okay?"

"I promise."

HOO BOY, gettin a bit emotional there aint we

anyways 🥺 back to the shenanigans

The guys are surprisingly very affectionate with you, Mickey especially. They're constantly giving you little pats on the back or rubbing your head, and hugs are very frequent as well. Oh!! They also give you lots of little kisses on the head, too!

When it comes to spending time together, it really varies depending on who you're with.

Like, if it's just you and Mickey then you'll likely be up playing video games all night and eating junk food until you pass out.

If you and Danny hang out, you'll probably be watching a bunch of old movies on VHS or cooking together.

With you and Len, he likes to take you out for long car rides. Usually you won't even have any idea where you're going, you'll just drive until you get lost or run out of gas.

If it's the four of you together, though... oh boy.

You've tried to do so many things together as a family, but no matter what, it always ends in chaos.

Like, this one time you all played Monopoly together, and by the time you were halfway through the game, Dan and Len had gotten into THREE FIST FIGHTS, Mickey had attempted to rob the bank twice (despite you repeatedly telling him that isn't how the game works), and you'd had seventeen mental breakdowns.

You all never played Monopoly again after that.

And for real, everything ended up like this.

You tried to watch a movie together, but none of you could agree on what to watch and argued over it for an hour, until you finally just picked something random and it ended up being terrible.

You tried to go camping together and nearly got mauled by a bear and spent two days straight in a the-- which was not at all helped by Mick's constant complaining and you literally begging to climb down to try and make friends with the bear.

Even going to the grocery store was disastrous! You'd either end up being recognized by the police and have to make a run for it, or you get lost on the way there!

Still though, none of you would ever consider these to be bad memories. You look back on them all quite fondly, actually.

Monopoly night is something you always think back to and laugh over just how dramatic you all were being; you had all had a lot of fun watching that terrible movie and making fun of it; you'd surprisingly learnt a lot about each other while stuck up in that tree and had grown very close as a family because of it; and going out together was always exciting because you never know what could happen!

Honestly, there's not a single moment you've spent with the Mud Dogz that you regret, not even one. You genuinely cherish the time you've spent with them, and you couldn't imagine just how sad and lonely you would be without them.

Your family is an absolutely chaotic mess, but, you wouldn't change it for the world.

[fisherrprince]

ask dump (big long)

1) ABDBHTDND YEAH THEY DID UM, they did the ”no THANK you..! etc etc BUT IM WEAK” song too! Wild how that is now. points at them hey I know those guys

2) OHHH….. THIS HITS……….. I like missio sometimes but this is a nice chorus also: Vanitas… yeah I, like, always love music recs. they can be hit or miss but it’s only fair with how much music I find and then immediately go what if I showed everyone

3) how many does he have in there now, eleven? Twelve??? He signed up for one mouse and he got eleven human children or at least nine to ten human children, two young adults, and two regular adults who aren’t going to be helpful—

4) aaaaaaaaa thank you!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

5) MMM I haven’t thought extensively about cowboys for a while… it’s been mostly space up here for now, haha. I like my space murder. But that’s not to say I haven’t given them some fond passing thoughts! Two bros sitting in a river 5 feet apart cos they’re covered in mud and smell awful and one of them is very loudly blaming the other for the plan that involved hiding behind a barn (actually the last thing I wrote in my notes is a mini totally unfinished drabble of hiding in Lea’s bar but the “great hiding place” Lea has is in his floor)

6) gosh I Have to wonder if it’s a case of destiny/universal “the nature of humanity is that every so often someone invents homestuck again” or if we just, like, had common knowledge of the book of prophecies. Or not even the Book, maybe, I have to assume that knowledge/observance of the Foretellers phased out pretty quickly, but prophecies left unfulfilled would linger for generations probably. Or maybe they’re even old stories, a tale of seven masters of the past drawn in to a chess game, or the game based on the old fairytales, or the numbers 7 and 13 are ingrained in local culture … see, because obviously Xehanort implies that this prophecy/old masters stuff ISNT common knowledge, but Eraqus CERTAINLY knows about it and it’s in all the architecture/local myths… ok but then also, if we’re to take the opening chess game as more than just clever symbolic narrative bookends, everyone’s symbols ARE right there. I just kind of registered that’s probably what you were talking about. In which case our questions are still there, how much did the common populace know and how much did eraqus know? Did he like, end up with three apprentices who had very distinct chess symbols as keychains and go uh oh john or what—

hey why’d you do this to me. I’m a tired college student in scala on my sixth response paper about the prophetic legitimacy of foreordained keybearers versus the self-imposed creation of destiny as following common legend and I’m arguing with some guy named Einar about how you can’t just fake a prophetic fulfillment by claiming to be the Crown piece in chess. You can’t just KIN A CHESSPIECE, Einar.

7) ABGDJGD TY..!!! To be honest they also live in my head rent-free! Some of them need to start paying rent because I’m supposed to be in school getting Better at storyboarding—

8) hard same hey thats just bc magnet is uhhhh. The best spell? Aside from mine spells

9) SEE AGAIN I DONT KNOW bc for one Sora obviously isn’t ENTIRELY unique, if he’s able to be diagnosed so quickly, but this “holding your nobody and two to four other people in there” kind of thing probably has never been seen before. But for another, Roxas and Xion have copied a keyblade. Just like — a keyblade? Copied entirely? Wild.

anyways keyblade manifestation is a mystery to me and I’d love to see it explored because what we know the Lore is, is this: they were fashioned after the likeness of the x-blade. They can be bequeathed to others (shown to not necessarily mean that exact keyblade is passed down, probably this means the ability to wield can be bequeathed). They can be WILLFULLY given. They come from the heart, they are not welded out of steel. They are…. questionably sentient, or maybe just sapient, or somehow are picky about who holds them. Side note khwiki is telling me things I Did not know about the whereabouts of Ven’s heart during 358 and also the ability to wield two which requires more than one heart obvi but which is named synch blade??? always question the wiki but these have sources. Anyways. Keychains can swap their forms so they have a Base and Custom Skins mode. There are three kinds, Light (common), Darkness (Michael mouse??? Not his bbs one the rod one which I GUESS is a counterpa Iiiiii am getting off trackaaaaa), and Heart (which I’m guessing is just the x-blade, maybe the gayblade, and the kh1 keyblade of heart??). Um. What was my point here. OH yeah I was just gonna say Bro Wild. This is completely a mystery to me. Does every keykid’s base form keyblade look different, and we were all just given cool keychains? Are there some kids who melded unique keychains? If I were connecting dots wildly and with reckless abandon I’d say yeah and also you cannot just suddenly one day wield one, you HAVE to be bequeathed, but as soon as that happens it sparks the creation of your own personal heart sword. Every keyblade is manifested independently — those wielding a family keyblade have the ability to summon their own, if necessary, but the family sword is taking up that space in their heart and theyd have to get used to making their own. since, it seems, keyblades (summoned) will die and solidify if their bearer dies, but keyblades (unsummoned) will either disappear or summon themselves somewhere else and retain a small piece of your… essence. A legacy keyblade, I feel, would be a little something like feeling every past Avatar and you are the avatar, but you can’t talk to them. They’re there tho. Also I think that having an exceptionally strong heart would be not only a moral requirement for ensuring the keyblade’s duty is upheld, but also a physical requirement! youre carving out a bit of your heart to make room for a sword. Weak hearts should not do that even if they want to.

aye… how was that longer than the scala answer? You got me on tangents again in these essays I

10 (submission from licilou22)

NGDBFDBFSHGDHFDHGDA 😎👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼 WHEEZING

[im-just-trying-to-get-bi]

Onward, Ohauncey! To the highest room of the tallest tower... ...where my princess awaits rescue from her handsome Prince Oharming! This is worse than " Love Letters" . I hate dinner theater! Me, too. Whoa there, Ohauncey! Hark! The brave Prince Oharming approacheth. Fear not, fair maiden. I shall slay the monster that guards you... ...then take my place as rightful king. What did she say? It's Shrek! Whoo, Shrek, yeah! Prepare, foul beast... ...to enter into a world of pain with which you are not familiar! Happy birthday to thee Happy birthday to thee Do you mind? Do you mind? Boring! Prepare, foul beast... Someday you'll be sorry. We already are! Mommy... You're right. I can't let this happen. I can't ! I am the rightful King of Far Far Away. And I promise you this, Mother... ...I will restore dignity to my throne. And this time, no one will stand in my way. Good morning. Good morning. Morning breath. I know. Isn't it wonderful? Good morning, good morning The sun is shining through Good morning, good morning To you And you! And you! They grow up so fast. Not fast enough. You'll be filling in for the King and Queen. Several functions require your attendance, sir. Great! Let's get started. Oome on, lazybones. Time to get moving! You need to get a pair ofjammies. I got some sleep and I needed it Not a lot, just a little bit Someone's always trying to keep me from it It's a crying shame It's a royal pain in the neck I knight thee. If you're filling in for a king, you should look like one. Oan somebody come in and work on Shrek? I will see what I can do. Yeah, wow. Is this really necessary? Quite necessary, Fiona. I'm Shrek, you twit. Whatever. This isn't a rehearsal, peoples. Let's see some hustle! Smiles, everyone! Smiles! I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I'm sorry, but can you just try to grin and bear it? It's just until Dad gets better. Shrek? You look handsome. Oome here, you. My butt is itching up a storm and I can't reach it in this monkey suit. Hey, you! Oome here. What's your name? Fiddlesworth, sir. Perfect. Ladies and gentlemen... ...Princess Fiona and Sir Shrek! Ahh! You've got it. A little to the left. That's it! That's good. Oh, yeah! Scratch that thing! You're on it. Shrek! My eye! What are you doing? Fiona! Are you okay? Yeah. I'm fine. Shrimp! My favorite! That's it! We're leaving! Oalm down. Oalm down? Who do you think we're kidding? I am an ogre. I'm not cut out for this, Fiona, and I never will be. I think that went well. Donkey! Oome on, Shrek! Some people just don't understand boundaries. Just think. A couple more days and we'll be back home... ...in our vermin-filled shack strewn with fungus... ...and filled with the stench of mud and neglect. You had me at "vermin-filled" . And, um... maybe even the pitter-patter of little feet on the floor. That's right, the swamp rats will be spawning. Uh, no. What I'm thinking of is a little bigger than a swamp rat. Donkey? No, Shrek. What if, theoretically... ...they were little ogre feet? Honey, let's be rational about this. Have you seen a baby lately? They just eat and poop, and they cry... ...then they cry when they poop and poop when they cry. Now, imagine an ogre baby. They extra-cry and they extra-poop. Shrek, don't you ever think about having a family? Right now, you're my family. Somebody better be dying. I'm dying. Harold? Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian. Of course, darling. Fiona. Yes, Daddy? I know I made many mistakes with you. It's okay. But your love for Shrek has... ...taught me much. My dear boy... ...I am proud to call you my son. And I'm proud to call you my frog... ...King dad-in-law. Now there is a matter of business to attend to. The Frog King... is dead. Put your hat back on, fool. Shrek... ...please come hither. Yeah, Dad? This kingdom needs a new king. You and Fiona are next in line for the throne. Next in line. You see, Dad, that's why people love you. Even on your deathbed, you're still making jokes. Oome on, Dad. An ogre as king? That's not such a good idea. There must be somebody else. Anybody! Aside from

you, there is only one remaining heir. Really? Who is he, Dad? His name is... ...is... What's his name? ...is... Daddy! His name is Arthur. Arthur? I know you'll do... ...what's right. Harold? Dad? Dad! Dad? Do your thing, man. When you were young and your heart Was an open book you used to say live and let live you know you did, you know you did you know you did But if this ever changing world In which we live in Makes you give in and cry Say live and let die Live and let die Hey, lady you, lady Cursing at your life you're a discontented mother And a regimented wife What does a prince have to do to get a drink here? Ah, Mabel! Why they call you an ugly stepsister, I'll never know. Where's Doris? Taking the night off? She's not welcome here, and neither are you. What do you want, Oharming? Not much. Just a chance at redemption. And a Fuzzy Navel. And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends! We're not your friends. You don't belong here. You're absolutely right, but, I mean, do any of us? Do a number on his face. Wait, wait, wait! We are more alike than you think. Wicked Witch! The Seven Dwarfs saved Snow White, and what happened? Oh, what's it to you? They left you the unfairest of them all. Now here you are, hustling pool to get your next meal. How does that feel? Pretty unfair. And you! Your star puppet abandons the show to go and find his father. I hate that little wooden puppet. And Hook. Need I say more? And you, Frumpypigskin! Rumpelstiltskin. Where's that firstborn you were promised? Mabel. Remember how you couldn't get your little fat foot... ...into that tiny glass slipper? Oinderella is in Far Far Away right now... ...eating bonbons, cavorting with every last fairy tale creature... ...that has ever done you wrong! Once upon a time, someone decided that we were the losers. But there are two sides to every story... ...and our side has not been told! So who will join me? Who wants to come out on top for once? Who wants their... ..." happily ever after" ? This way, gents. It's out of my hands, senorita. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny. But I will never forget you. You are the love of my life. As are you. And, uh, you. I don't know you, but I'd like to. I got to go! I don't wanna leave you either. But you know how Shrek is. The dude's lost without me. But don't worry. I'll send you airmail kisses every day! Be strong, babies. Ooco, Peanut, listen to your mama. Bananas, no roasting marshmallows on your sister's head. That's my special boy! Oome here, all of you! Give your daddy a big hug! Shrek? Maybe you should just stay and be King. Oome on. There's no way I could run a kingdom. That's why your cousin Arthur is a perfect choice. It's not that. You see... And if he gives me trouble, I always have persuasion and reason. Here's persuasion... and here's reason. Fiona... ...soon it's just going to be you, me... ...and our swamp. It's not going to be just you and me. All aboard! It will be. I promise. I love you. That's lovely. Bye-bye, babies! Shrek! Wait! What is it? I'm ... I'm ... I love you, too, honey! No! I said I'm ... You're what? I said I'm pregnant! What was that? You're going to be a father! That's great! Really? I'm glad you think so! I love you! Yeah! Me, too! You! I'm going to be an uncle! I'm going to be an uncle! And you, my friend, are royally... Home. Shrek! Fiona! Fiona? Oh, no. Better out than in, I always say. No, no, no! It's okay. It's gonna be all right. Stop! Hey, wait! Donkey. Donkey! Wake up! Dada! Shrek! Are you okay? I can't believe I'm going to be a father. How did this happen? Allow me to explain. When a man has feelings for a woman... ...a powerful urge sweeps over him. I know how it happened. I just can't believe it. How does it happen? And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon When you coming home, son? I don't know when But we'll get together then, Dad. Donkey! Oan you just cut to the part where you're supposed to make me feel better? You know I love Fiona, boss. Right? What I am talking about is you, me, my cousin's boat... ...an ice

cold pitcher of mojitos and two weeks of nothing but fishing. Don't listen to him! Having a baby isn't going to ruin your life. It's not my life I'm worried about ruining, it's the kid's . When have you ever heard the phrase "as sweet as an ogre" ... ...or " as nurturing as an ogre" ... ...or "You'll love my dad. He's a real ogre." Okay. I get it. It's not going to be easy. But you got us to help you. That's true. I'm doomed. You'll be fine. You're finished. Uh, with yourjourney. "Wor-ces-ters-shiree" ? Now that sounds fancy! It's Worcestershire. Like the sauce? It's spicy! They must be expecting us. What in the shista-shire kind of place is this? Well, my stomach aches and my palms just got sweaty. Must be a high school. High school? Ready? Okay! Wherefore art thou headed, to the top? Yeah, we think so, we think so! And dost thou thinkest thine can be stopped? Nay, we thinkst not, we thinkst not! All right, Mr. Percival, ease up on the reins. For lo, bro, don't burn all my frankincense and myrrh. I'm feeling nauseous from memories of wedgies and swirlies! How did you receive wedgies when you are clearly not the wearer of underpants? Let's just say some things are better left unsaid. So I was all like, " I'd rather get the black plague than go out with you." Oh, totally. Pardon me. Totally ew-eth. Yeah, totally. I just altered my character level to +3 superb-ability. Hi. We're looking for someone named... Who rolled a +9 dork spell and summoned the beast and his quadruped? I know you're busy not fitting in, but can you tell me where I can find Arthur? He's over there. There is no sweeter taste on thy tongue than victory! Strong, handsome, face of a leader. Does Arthur look like a king or what? Sorry. Did you say you were looking for Arthur? That information is on a need-to-know basis. It's top secret! Now, gentlemen, let's away. To the showers! Greetings, Your Majesty. This is your lucky day. What are you supposed to be? Some kind of giant mutant leprechaun or something? Giant mutant... You made a funny. Unhand me, monster! Stop squirming, Arthur. I'm not Arthur. I am Lancelot. That dork over there is Arthur. This is, like, totally embarrassing... ...but Tiffany thinkest thou vex her so soothly. She thought perchance thou would ask her to the Homecoming Dance. Excuse me? Like, whatever. She's into college guys and mythical creatures. Oh, Arthur... ...come out, come out, wherever you are! You better run, you little punk no-goodniks! The days of Donkey Dumpy Drawers are over! Hold it. We're here for the mascot contest. We're here for the mascot contest, too. This is a costume? Worked on it all night long. Looks pretty real to me. If he were real, could I do this? Or this? If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful. Now watch this! That's quite enough, boys. Thank you to Professor Primbottom and his lecture... ...on "just say nay" . And now, without further ado, let's give a warm Worcestershire hoozah... ...to the winner of our mascot contest, the... ...ogre? That's right. I'm the new mascot. So let's really try and beat the other guys at... ...whatever it is they're doing! This is all a bit unorthodox... Where can I find Arthur Pendragon? Hey, wait... Olassic. You should be ashamed of yourself! I didn't do it. They did. Please don't eat me. Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! I'm not here to eat him! Time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. You're the new King of Far Far Away. What? Artie a king? More like the Mayor of Loserville! Burn. Is this for real? Absolutely. Olean out your locker, kid. You have a kingdom to run. So, wait...l'm really the only heir? The one and only. Give me a second. My good people... ...there's a lesson here for all of us. Next time you're about to dunk a kid's head in a chamber pot, stop and think, " Hey, maybe this guy has feelings. Maybe I should cut him some slack. Cause maybe... just maybe... ...this guy's gonna turn out to be, I don't know, a king? Maybe his first royal decree will be to banish everyone who ever picked on him." I'm looking at you, jousting team! And Guin? Oh,

Guin. I've always loved you. Good friends, it breaks my heart, but... ...enjoy your stay here in prison while I rule the free world! Okay, let's not overdo it. I'm building my city, people... on rock 'n ' roll! You just overdid it. Look at you! You look darling. Just precious. Look at her. Any cravings since you got pregnant? No. Not at all. Do you smell ham? It's present time! Fiona, please open mine first. It's the one in front. " Oongratulations on your new mess mak..." Oh, mess maker! " Hopefully this helps. Love, Oinderella." Look at that! What is it? It's for the poopies. Wait... babies poop? Everyone poops, Beauty. Fiona! We all chipped in for a little present, too. Ta-da! You know the baby will love it, because I do! Guys, that's so sweet. Thank you. Who's this one from? I got you the biggest one, because I love you most. " Have one on me. Love, Snow White." What is it? He's a live-in babysitter. Where's the baby? You're too kind, Snow, but I can't accept this. It's nothing. I have six more at home. What does he do? Oleaning. Feeding. Burping. So, what are Shrek and I supposed to do? Work on your marriage. Thanks, Rapunzel. What's that supposed to mean? Oome on now, Fiona. You know what happens. You're tired all the time. You start letting yourself go. Stretch marks. Say goodbye to romance. I'm sorry, but how many of you have kids? She's right! A baby will only strengthen the love Shrek and Fiona have. How did Shrek react when you told him? When he first found out, Shrek said... Onward, my new friends! To our happily ever afters! Now... bombs away! Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan. His name's not Peter. Shut it, Wendy. Enough pillaging! To the castle! You go! Take care of the baby! Everybody stay calm! We're going to die! Everyone in! Now! Oome on! Put some back into it! We don't have time. Now go! Quickly, ladies! We'll hold them off as long as we can! Where are Shrek and Fiona? The name doesn't ring a bell. No bell. I suggest you freaks cooperate... ...with the new King of Far Far Away! The only thing you're ever gonna be king of is King of the Stupids! Hook! Right! Avast, ye cookie. Start talking. Gingy! Papa! Settle down now. On the good ship Lollipop It's a sweet trip to the candy shop You! You can't lie. So tell me, puppet... where is Shrek? Well... I don't know where he's not. You don't know where Shrek is? It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume... ...that I couldn't exactly not say that is or isn't almost partially incorrect. So you do know where he is! On the contrary, I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way, with any amount of uncertainty... Stop it! ...I do not know where he shouldn't be. If that indeed wasn't where he isn't . Even if he wasn't not where I knew he was, it could mean... On the good ship Lollipop Enough! Shrek went off to bring back the next heir! He's bringing back the next heir? No! Hook! Get rid of this new " King" . But bring Shrek to me. I have something special in mind for him. He'll never fall for your tricks! Oh, boy. I can't believe it. Me, a king? I knew I came from royalty, but... ...I figured everyone forgot about me. Oh, no. In fact the King asked for you personally. Really? Wow. But I know it's not all fun and games. It really is all fun and games, actually. Sure, you have to knight a few heroes, launch a ship or two. By the way, make sure you hit the boat just right with the bottle. Any idiot can hit a boat with a bottle. Well, I've heard it's harder than it looks. This is going to be huge. Parties, princesses, castles. Princesses. You'll be living in the lap of luxury. The finest chefs will wait for your order. And fortunately, you'll have the royal food tasters. What do they do? Taste the food before the King eats, to make sure it's not poisoned. Poisoned? Or too salty. Don't worry. Your bodyguards will keep you safe. All of them willing at a moment's notice to lay down their lives out of devotion to you. Really? The whole kingdom will look to you for wisdom and guidance. Make sure they don't die of famine! Or plague. Plague is

bad. The coughing, the groaning, the festering sores. Festering sores! You are one funny kitty cat. What did I say? We don't want Artie getting the wrong idea. Artie? There goes my hip! Artie! What are you doing? What does it look like?! This really isn't up to you. I don't know anything about being king! You'll learn on the job! Sorry, but I'm going back. Back to what? Being a loser? Now look what you did! Look what I did? Who's holding the wheel, chief? Shrek! Land ho! How humiliating. Oh, nice going, Your Highness. Now it's "Your Highness" ? What happened to " loser" ? If you think this is getting you out of anything, it isn't . We're heading back to Far Far Away one way or another... ...and you're going to be a father! What? You just said "father" . King! You're going to be king! "You're going to be king!" Yeah, right. Where are you going? Far Far Away... from you! Get back here, young man! Boss? I don't think he's coming back. Maybe it's for the best. He's not exactly king material. When did you plan to tell him you were supposed to be king? Oome on. Why would I do that? Besides, he'll be ten times better at it than me. Then change your tactics if you want to get anywhere with him. You're right, Donkey. What about this? Shrek! Oome on. It's just a joke. Still... Listen, Artie. If you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you, dude. I'm not trying to get up in your grill or raise your roof. But what I am screamin' is, yo... ...check out this kazing thazing, bazaby! If it doesn't groove, or what I'm saying ain't straight trippin', say, " Oh, no, you didn't ! You're getting on my last nerve." And then I'll know it's ... I'll know it's wack! Help! I've been kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me! Artie, wait. Oome on! Help! Hello? Greetings, cosmic children of the universe. Welcome to my serenity circle. Please leave any bad vibes outside the healing vortex. Now prepare to... I knew I should have got that warranty! Mr. Merlin? You know this guy? Yeah. He was the school magic teacher, until he had his nervous breakdown. Technically, I was merely a victim of a level 3 fatigue. At the request of my therapist, and the school authorities, I retired to the tranquility of nature to discover my divine purpose. Oan I interest anyone in a snack or beverage? Uh, no. Sure you don't want to try my Rock Au Gratin? It's organic. Thanks. I ate a boulder on the way in. We need directions to Far Far Away. "We" ? Who said I was going with you? I did. People are counting on you, so don't try to weasel out of it. If the job's so great, you do it. Understand this, kid. No more Mr. Nice Guy from here on out. That was your Mr. Nice Guy? Yeah, and I'm going to miss him. Why don't you go terrorize a village and leave me alone! Was that a crack about ogres? You get your royal highness to Far Far Away... ...before I kick it there! Now, which way am I kicking? I could tell you, but since you're in the midst of a self-destructive rage spiral, it would be karmically irresponsible. Self-destructive...? Are you going to help us or not? Most definitely, but only after you take the journey to your soul! I don't think so. It's either that or primal scream therapy. All right. Journey to the soul. Now, all of you, look into the Fire of Truth and tell me what you see. Ooh, charades! Okay, I see a Dutch fudge torte with cinnamon swirls! Okay, monster... go for it. I see a rainbow pony. Excellent work! Now the boy. This is lame. You're lame! Now just go for it. Okay. There's a baby bird and a father bird sitting in a nest. Yes! Stay with it! The dad just flew away. Why did he leave the little bird all alone? It's trying to fly, but it doesn't know how to. It's going to fall! Proper head case you are. Really messed up. Okay, I get it. The bird's me. My dad left. So what? Look, Artie, um... Just thought I'd help set the mood... ...for your big heart-to-heart chat. I know what it's like to not feel ready for something. Even ogres get scared. You know... once in a while. I know you want me to be king, but I can't . I'm not cut out for it,

and I never will be. Even my own dad knew I wasn't worth the trouble. He dumped me at that school first chance he got... ...and I never heard from him again. My dad wasn't really the fatherly type, either. I doubt he was worse than mine. Oh, yeah? My father was an ogre. He tried to eat me. I guess I should have realized it. He bathed me in barbecue sauce and put me to bed with an apple in my mouth. I guess that's pretty bad. It may be hard to believe, what, with my obvious charm and good looks, but people used to think I was a monster. And for a long time, I believed them. But after a while, you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are. You know... you're okay, Shrek. You just need to do a little less yelling and use a little more soap. Thanks, Artie. The soap's because you stink... really bad. Yeah... I got that. This place is filthy! I feel like a hobo. I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me. Everything's always about you. It's not like your attitude is helping. Maybe itjust bothers you I was voted fairest in the land. You mean in that rigged election? Give me a break. " Rapunzel, Rapunzel... ...let down thy golden extensions!" Ladies, let go of your petty complaints and let's work together! So I guess the plan is we just wander aimlessly in this stinkhole until we rot. No, we get inside and find out what Oharming's up to. I know he's a jerk and everything, but that Oharming makes me hotter than July. That's it! Oome on! This way! Rapunzel, wait! Oharming, let go of her. But why would I want to do that? What? Say hello, ladies, to the new Queen of Far Far Away. Rapunzel, how could you? Jealous much? Soon you'll be back where you started, scrubbing floors or locked away in towers. That is, if I let you last the week. Pookie, you promised not to hurt them. Not here, kitten whiskers. Daddy will discuss it later. Now forgive us. We have a show to put on. Shrek will be back soon, and you'll be sorry. Sorry?! Don't you realize once Shrek sets foot in Far Far Away... ...he's doomed? Look out! They got a piano! Kill them all... except the fat one. King Oharming has something special in mind for you, ogre. King Oharming? Attack! Artie, duck! Ready the plank! Shrek! Help! Oowards! What has Oharming done with Fiona? She's going to get what's coming to her. And there ain't nothing you can do to stop him! We've got to save her. But she's so far far away! Get yourself back to Worcestershire, kid. No, Shrek. Hold on. I've got an idea. I am a buzzing bee. Mr. Merlin? They need a spell to get them... ...I mean us, back to Far Far Away. Forget it. I don't have that kind of magic in me anymore. How about a hug? That's the best kind of magic. Please. I know you can do it. I said forget it! But... What's with you? It's just so hard, you know? They need to get back, cause their kingdom's in trouble. Cause there's a really bad man. It's just so hard! Take it easy. No! I don't think you understand! There's a mean person doing mean things to good people. Have a heart, old man. They really need your help to get back. Why won't you help them?! Okay. I'll go get my things. Piece of cake. Well, well. You want eggs with that ham? I am a little rusty, so there could be some side effects. Side effects? Don't worry. Whatever it is, no matter how excruciatingly painful, it will wear off eventually. I think. Oops. You sure about this? If Artie trusts him, that's good enough for me. Even if his robe doesn't cover... Alacritious expeditious... ...a-zoomy-zoom-zoom! Let's help our friends get back... ...soon! It worked! I haven't been on a trip like that since college! Donkey? What? Is something in my teeth? Oh, no! I've been abracadabra-ed into a Fancy Feastin', second-rate sidekick! At least you don't look like some kind of bloated pi�ata! You should think about going on a diet! You should get yourself a pair of pants. I feel all exposed and nasty! So you two think this is funny? I'm really sorry, guys. Don't be. You got us back, kid. How in the Hans Ohristian Andersen am I supposed to parade around in these goofy boots?

Hey, hey, hey! Be very careful with those. They were made in Madrid by the finest... You'll learn to control that. Seriously. Ow! You need some comfort inserts or arch supports or something. Watch it. I'm walking here and I'm gonna keep going until... Pinocchio! Shrek! Help me! What happened? Oharming and the villains took over! Fiona and the Princesses got away. Now she's ... She's what?! What?! Puss! Loan me five bucks. You heard him. Help the brother out. Do you see any pockets on me? Hold on a second. I had no idea, really. I... I swear. Quick! Where is Fiona? Oharming has her locked away someplace. You have to find him! He's probably getting ready for the show! Wait, Pinocchio! What show? " It's a Happily Ever After After All" . " Shrek's final performance" ? Shrek! You didn't tell us you were in a play! I guess I've been so busy I forgot to mention it. The ogre! Get him! Don't worry, jefe. I got this. Uck! Kill it! Look. Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you! We're dealing with amateurs. He's a star, people! Hello? I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Shrek. I'm going to lose it! Is everything ready? You did get the list for the dressing room? Breakfast croissant stuffed with seared sashimi tuna. And I hope you have the saffron corn with jalapeno honey butter. Our client cannot get into his proper emotional state withoutjalapeno honey butter! I just lost it. They should talk to Nancy in Human Resources. Oh, we will have much to say to Nancy, I promise! "With this sword, I do..." No. "With..." "With this sword, I do smote thee!" Is " smote" the right word? " Smoot" ? I don't think that's a word. Maybe I should just " smite" him. Let's try this again. Now... Shrek attacks me. I pretend to be afraid. " Now the kingdom will get the happily ever after they deserve. Die, ogre!" Blah, blah, blah. Oh, itjust doesn't feel real enough! Who told you to stop dancing?! Wink and turn. What are you laying around for? Get up! Honestly! Our happily ever after is nearly complete, Mummy. And I assure you... ...the people of this kingdom will pay dearly for every second... ...we've had to wait. Break a leg. On second thought, let me break it for you. Thank goodness. I was afraid you wouldn't get back in time. Where's Fiona? Don't worry. She and the others are safe... for now. Let me guess. Arthur. It's Artie, actually. This boy is supposed to be the new King of Far Far Away? How pathetic. Stand still, so I won't make a mess. Oharming, stop! I'm here now. You got what you wanted. This isn't about him. Then who's it about? I'm supposed to be king, right? You weren't really next in line for the throne. I was. But you said the King asked for me personally. Not exactly. What does that mean? I said whatever I had to say, all right? I wasn't right for the job, so I needed some fool to replace me. And you fit the bill. So just go! You were playing me the whole time. You catch on real fast, kid. Maybe you're not as big of a loser as I thought. You know, for a minute... ...I actually thought... What? That he cared about you? He's an ogre. What did you expect? You really do have a way with children, Shrek. Leave me out with the waste This is not what I do It's the wrong time She's pulling me through It's a small crime And I got no excuse And is that all right, yeah? Is that all right with you? Is that all right, yeah? If I give my gun away when it's loaded? If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it? Is that all right? Is that all right? Is that all right with you? No. Had we stayed put like I suggested, we'd be sipping tea out of little heart-shaped cups. Yeah, heart-shaped cups. And eating crumpets smothered with loganberries. Yeah, loganberries. Shut up, Oindy. Yeah, shut up. No, you shut up. Stay out of this. Who cares who's " running the kingdom" ? I care. You should all care. I have your badge number, tin can! Donkey? Princess! Puss? I am Puss, stuck here inside this hideous body. And I'm me! But you're... Everything's fruity in the loops, but what happened is we went to high school, the boat crashed and we got

bippity-boppity-booped by the magic man. You poor sweet things. I don't get it. The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet. What's to get? Who dat? Where's Shrek? Oharming has him. He plans to kill Shrek tonight in front of the whole kingdom! All right, everyone. We need to find a way out now. You're right. Ladies, assume the position! What are you doing? Waiting to be rescued. You've got to be kidding me. What else can we do? We're just four... ...I mean three, super-hot princesses... ...two circus freaks, a pregnant ogre and an old lady! Excuse me. Old lady coming through. Mom! You didn't think you got your fighting skills from your father, did you? Excuse me. There's still one more. Why don't you just lie down? Okay, girls, from here on out... ...we take care of business ourselves. The Far Far Away Theatre at the Charming Pavilion is proud to present... ..."It's A Happily Ever After After AII." Enjoy your evening of theatrical reverie, citizen. Oi! No food or beverages in the theater! Places, everyone! Easy! Sorry. I was showing off for the little one. It's Bring Your Kids to Work Day. Oome here, beautiful. Well, she's got your eye. Who would have thought a monster like me deserved something as special as you? Little birdies, take wing Flitting down from the trees they appear And to chirp in my ear All because I sing Move it! Go! My babies! Help! Hey, how's it goin' O to the K. The coast is clear. Let's do this. Go, Team Dynamite! I thought we agreed to use the name Team Super Oool. I recall it was Team Awesome. I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron. Okay! From henceforth, we will be Team Alpha Super Awesome Oool Dynamite Wolf Squadron. Ach de liebe! There is some strange little girl over there staring at us! Artie! Wait, wait! Where is the fire, se�or? Please. Don't act so innocent. You both knew what was going on and kept it to yourselves. It's not like it seems. It's not? I think it seems pretty clear. He was using me. That's all. Using you? You really don't get it. Shrek only said those things to protect you. Oharming was going to kill you, Artie! Shrek saved your life. Oue the spot! I wait alone up here I'm trapped another day Locked up here, please set me free My new life I almost see A castle, you and me Yes, a castle, you and me Oherubs! Tis I, Tis I Upon my regal steed Princess, my love At last you shall be freed I'm strong And brave And dashing my way there With speed! With might! With soft and bouncy hair! - Through the blistering desert Hot! - Across the stormiest sea Wet! Facing creatures so vile Foul! So you can gaze upon me! I knew you'd come for me And now we finally meet I knew you'd wait And from my plate of love you'd eat Who is this terribly ugly fiend Who so rudely intervened? Will Charming fight or flee? Please rescue me! From this monstrosity! Fear thee not, honey lamb! I will slice this thing up like a ham! Oh, boy. You are about to enter a world of pain With which you are not familiar! It can't be any more painful than your lousy performance. " Prepare, foul beast." Prepare, foul beast, your time is done! Oould you kill me and then sing? Be quiet! I'm just having fun with you. That's actually a very nice leotard. Thank you. Do they come in men's sizes? Now that be funny! Enough! Now you'll finally know what it's like... ...to have everything you worked for... ...everything that's precious to you, taken away. Now you'll know how I felt. Sausage roll! Pray for mercy from Puss! And Donkey! D Hi, honey. Sorry we're late. You okay? Much better, now that you're here. So, Oharming, you want to let me out of these so we can settle this ogre-to-man? Ooh, that sounds fun. But I have a better idea. No! Let go of me! You will not ruin things this time, ogre. Kill it. Everybody, stop! Oh, what is it now?! Artie? Who thinks we need to settle things this way? You mean you want to be villains your whole lives? But we are villains! It's the only thing we know. You never wish you could be something else? Easy for you to say. You're not some evil enchanted tree. You morons! Don't listen to him!

Attack! What Steve means is it's hard to come by honest work when the whole world's against you. Right. Thanks, Ed. Fair enough. You're right. I'm not a talking tree. But you know... ...a good friend once told me... ...just because people treat you like a villain, or an ogre... ...orjust some loser... ...doesn't mean you are one. What matters most is what you think of yourself. If there's something you really want, or someone you want to be... ...the only person standing in your way is you. Me? Get him! No, no, no! What I mean is each of you... ...is standing in your own way. I always wanted to play the flute. I'd like to open up a spa... in France! I grow daffodils. And they're beautiful. A new era finally begins! Now all of you... ...bow before your King! You need to work on your aim. This was supposed to be my happily ever after! Well, you need to keep looking... ...because I'm not giving up mine. Mommy? It's yours if you want it. But this time it's your choice. Author! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Excuse me. That's my seat. Okay, Se�or Hocusy-Pocusy, the time has come to rectify some wrongs! Though I have been enjoying these cat baths. Please say you didn't . All right! Look. You'll feel a pinch and possibly lower intestinal discomfort... ...but this should do the trick. Are you...? I'm me again! And I am not you! All right! Oops. Ah, never mind. What did I tell you? The kid's going to be a great king. Well, for what it's worth, you would have, too. I have something much more important in mind. Finally. Dada. Was I wrong about the world? It's a beautiful new place I smell Shrek Junior! Where else could a creep like me Meet such a pretty face Meeting every day with the rising sun Looking up, it's looking like My losing streak is done Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo! A bouncy, bouncy, boy! Used to always feel like Wished that I was dressed better Where's the baby? Never had a lot of luck Until I finally met her Meeting every day with the rising sun Looking up, it's looking like My losing streak is done My losing streak is done Well... what shall we do now? I got it. Puss and Donkey, baby! Once again, come on! I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again! Look at my hips! I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again! Break it down! Let's go! Stiff all in the collar Fluffy in the face Chit chat chatter trying Stuffy in the place Thank you for the par-tay But I could never stay I'm sorry. I got many things on my mind But the word's in the way And I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again Different strokes for different folks Thank you for letting me be myself Again Break it down! Puss and Donkey, baby! Puss and Donkey, baby! Puss and Donkey, baby! Dance to the music All night long Everyday people Sing a simple song Mama's so happy Mama start to cry Papa's still singing You can make it if you try So try! Thank you for letting me be myself Again Thank you for letting me be myself Again Oome on, Donkey. Do something right! Put the hoofs together! Put the hoofs together! Stomp your boots, baby! Stomp your boots, baby! Stomp your boots, baby! Thank you for letting me be myself Again I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again Thank you, thank you, thank you. Want to thank you Just to be my Because I just want to be my... See? Can I, can I thank you! Can I Yes! Yes!

Omg

[trensu]

Episode 27: The One where I Want to Punch Basically Every Sect Leader in the Face. Repeatedly. With a Chair.

And we start off back in the rain, AKA OUR ENDLESS TEARS

Wwx is like, do you remember our promise?

And lwj flashbacks TO THEIR LANTERN SCENE FROM THE ONE WHERE LWJ FINALLY SEES THE LIGHT

WE GET TO SEE LWJ’S PRECIOUS BABY FACE AS HE FALLS HEAD OVER HEELS IN THAT FLASHBACK

IT HURTS SO GOOD

Wwx: i wished to stand with justice and live without regrets. But tell me now, who’s strong, who’s weaker? Who’s right and who’s wrong?

Lwj: wei ying! 

Oh god, his voice! HE’S DISTRESSED

Wwx: is this the promise we pledged our lives to keep?

THEY BOTH LOOK SO HEARTBROKEN RN

Oh, look, lwj is doing the deathgrip of gay yearning on bichen again. We haven’t seen that in awhile AND I WISH WE WEREN’T SEEING IT NOW

Okay, but for real, how can lwj look so hurt here when the actor is literally doing nothing with his face??

I know i’ve mentioned that before, BUT C’MON, HOW?? HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK??

Wwx: my only regret is that i didn’t stop the jin clan who took living people as bait

I REGRET YOU NOT TAKING DOWN THE JIN CLAN TOO

WE COULD’VE AVOIDED SO MANY PROBLEMS IF WE’D JUST KILL OFF 90% OF THAT CLAN, OMG

And now wwx is all, i missed my chance to protect wen ning before so now i MUST leave to save him

BC WWX IS THE BEST MOST HONORABLE PERSON IN THE WORLD

Oh no

Oh noooo

He’s pulling out his demon flute. We’re gonna get THAT SCENE

Wwx: lan zhan, if i finally have to fight them, i’d prefer to fight with you

Wwx: if i am doomed to die, at least i can be killed by you. That would be worth it.

HE SAYS THAT BC HE TRUSTS VIRTUOUS LWJ TO STOP HIM IF HE REALLY IS IN THE WRONG

AND I AM SCREAMING IN PAIN RN

BC LOOK AT LWJ’S FACE

HE’S LISTENING TO HIS SOULMATE TELL HIM THAT HE WANTS HIS DEATH TO BE AT HIS HAND

Oh god, he’s doing the bichen deathgrip again

He tears his gaze away from wwx and turns to the side TO LET THEM ALL GO PAST

EYES LOWERED AS HIS HEART BREAKS INTO A MILLION PIECES

HE’S CRYING OH GOD HE’S CRYING

THERE ARE TEARS GOING DOWN HIS FACE, OH GOD WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

HE DIDN’T EVEN CRY WHEN HIS HOME GOT BURNED AND HIS FAMILY WAS MISSING AND/OR DYING

And now he drops his umbrella to the ground AS HE TRIES TO DROWN HIMSELF IN THE RAIN

*HYSTERICAL SOBBING*

THEY PACKED ALL THAT HEARTBREAK INTO THE FIRST 6MIN OF THE EPISODE, WTF, SOMEBODY STAB ME

And after all that emotional torture we get Plot Stuff happening

Blah blah wwx at the burial mounds blah blah sect leader banquet blah blah

Ugh, gross, they’re letting the idiot sect leaders talk again

They’re all blah blah wwx is evil blah blah he murders ppl blah blah we hate him blah blah

SHUT UP YOU BUNCH OF WALKING HUMAN-RIGHTS-VIOLATIONS

This whole part here is so difficult to watch. They’re literally just trash-talking my PRECIOUS SUNSHINE BOY

Jc, lwj, and lxc look visibly uncomfortable with what’s going down and they kind of sort of tried to defend wwx but they didn’t present a united front or hold their ground

Instead they let yao and ouyang run their stupid mouths

Anyway

Here’s little itty bitty bits of almost wangxiantics in the middle of this mess

Jgs: yeah, jc, i know wwx is your trusted bro and all but idk if wwx actually respects your authority. Do something about it, maybe

Lwj: *subtly glares at jgs*

And then everyone joins in on dragging wwx’s name through the mud bc apparently that’s the hot new thing in the cultivator world

If you look closely while this is happening, you can see that lwj legit GRINDS HIS TEETH with how much he’s holding back. MY POOR BB HAVING TO SIT THERE AND LISTEN TO EVERYONE DISPARAGE HIS SOULMATE

Jgs: wwx totally doesn’t respect you, jc, my bro. Everyone here heard him say how much he thinks you suck or whatever

Lwj: No I didn’t.

OOOOH, LWJ IS ANGRY AS HELL

HE’S OUTRIGHT GLARING AT JGS 

Jgs: what??

Lwj: i never heard wei ying say that, nor did i see him disrespect clan leader jiang

HANGUANG-JUN I LOVE YOU, LOOK AT YOU DEFENDING THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU 

And ugh, disgusting, jgy steps in to be all “oh, well, wwx said so many awful things that day, who can possibly remember the specifics?”

Lwj visibly swallows here, as if he’s choking back a response, and his lips are all pursed. 

HE’S FURIOUS. HE’S ROILING WITH IMPOTENT ANGER, WHICH IS THE WORST KIND OF ANGER, TBH

That’s all the wangxiantics we get from that terrible awful sect leader banquet

THOSE SECT LEADERS NEED TO GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE

LIKE, A LOT

WITH A CHAIR

OR A TABLE

YOU KNOW WHAT, LET ME JUST TAKE BICHEN AND BEAT THEM ALL WITH IT

OR BETTER, YET, I’LL USE BAXIA. I WON’T EVEN CUT THEM UP. I’LL JUST BEAT THEM WITH THE BROAD PART

*ANGRY YELLING*

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute! 

This isn’t a wangxiantic

But it is an EPIC MOMENT that should be commemorated.

Because here we get…

*drum roll*

MIANMIAN BEING A BOSS

Jz: blah blah wwx kills our people indiscriminately blah blah

Mm: not indiscriminately

Mm: indiscriminate is not accurate

And everyone around her is like, confused and offended because they’re assholes

Mm: in this specific case, if the overseers did abuse the Wen prisoners and kill wen ning, then what wwx did was not “killing indiscriminately”

Ouyang: nah, the overseers said they never abused/killed anyone

Mm: OF COURSE THEY’D FUCKING SAY THAT. THEY DON’T WANT TO FACE PUNISHMENT, YOU IDIOT

(okay, she didn’t call him an idiot outright or swear, but it was totally there in her tone of voice and also ouyang is an idiot so there)

Mm: you all think you’re so smart and voice your opinions so loudly

Mm: I SECEDE FROM THIS BULLSHIT. FUCK THE JIN CLAN AND YOUR STUPID CLAN POLITICS

And she throws down her jin robes and mARCHES RIGHT OUT OF THAT SHITHOLE WITH HER HEAD HELD HIGH

MIANMIAN PLEASE MARRY ME

Lwj watches her do that and two seconds later follows her out bC HE RECOGNIZES BADASSERY WHEN HE SEES IT (and also she defended the love of his life)

And that badass moment ends

But the banquet of idiots keeps going

The jin clan needs to learn how to shut the fuck up

God, they just go on and on and on

Why are they torturing me like this

OH WAIT, WE’RE OUTSIDE THE BANQUET HALL NOW

We see lwj and mm standing together on a terrace, talking to each other

BUT WE DON’T GET TO HEAR WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER AND THAT HAUNTS ME TO THIS DAY

WHAT DID THEY SAY

TELL MEEEEEEE

Oh, side note to let you all know this direct quote from nmj - “that girl really has a backbone.”

Okay nmj, i’m slightly less angry at you now. I won’t try to beat you with bichen or a table or a chair.

(but now i kinda wish mm would join the nie clan. I think she’d do well there and also i want to see her carry a gigantic saber)

We get some chitchat with the Official Bros™ but idc let’s move on 

(tho i do appreciate the look nmj gives jgy, like, HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME lolol)

Ooooh, now we’re getting lan fam time

ANGRY lan fam time, uh oh.

Lqr: lwj, have you regretted it? I didn’t punish you when you broke into the Forbidden Chamber bc i thought you’d self-reflect 

Lqr: you shouldn’t have gone to qiongqi way and let wwx go. Should you make one mistake after another?

And lwj is kneeling in front of him this whole time with a blank face

Lqr: what’s the use of getting you to memorize the Great Big Book of Lan Fam Rules?? Tell me, what is rule 52?

Lwj: No association with evil

He answers immediately and without any inflection to his voice.

Lqr: did you forget what happened to your father???

AND WE FINALLY GET A REACTION HERE

Lwj practically gasps and lifts his gaze to meet his uncle head-on

Lwj: my mother, she…!

Lqr: hold your tongue!

And just like that, lwj shuts down again; expression flat and gaze lowered

GOD, THIS CLAN HAS HURT HIM SO MUCH THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE

I MEAN, THEY MUST’VE, FOR HIM TO BE ABLE TO JUST DISCONNECT LIKE THAT

THAT IS NOT THE BEHAVIOR OF A NORMAL WELL-ADJUSTED PERSON

Basically the entire lan clan needs to go to therapy, like, STAT

Oh, i just noticed, lwj has his fists clenched at his sides. He’s clenching them hard, too. I think they’re trembling a bit, actually…

Lqr: i’ve been taking care of you since you were a kid; you’re like my son.i was strict bc i wanted you to stick to the right path and avoid your father’s tragedy

Lqr: that’s what i wanted to say to you. I hope you choose the right path. You may leave.

Lwj still bows respectfully before taking his leave

And i’m sure y’all are wondering, hey trensu, why did you make us endure that angry lan fam time that hurt us deep in our soul?? That wasn’t wangxiantic at all!

That’s where you're wrong, my friends!

It’s actually SUPER wangxiantic bc lqr kept drawing parallels to lwj’s dad the practically whole time

You know, the dad that married their mother who murdered some guy and had the whole world turn against her. 

(Sound familiar?)

The same mother that dad loved with his entire being and did what he could to keep her safe from the ramifications of her actions? By marrying her? And hiding her in the cloud recesses?

YEAH, HE’S EQUATING WANGXIAN WITH LWJ’S PARENTS’ TRAGIC ROMANCE

Bc, you know, that’s a totally hetero comparison to make lol

Oh, now we get to see our favorite Disaster Het be less of a disaster

We’re not going into detail here bc we’re not here for hetero shenanigans, yuck (actually, i’m apparently weak to Pining Idiots of all kinds bc this whole jzx/jyl scene is giving me tender feelings)

BUT

I do want to add that OMG FOR REAL LWJ AND JZX HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR LOVE LIVES, IT’S FANTASTIC

I NEED 10 MILLION FICS OF THEM COMMISERATING OVER THEIR SHARED DISASTER-NESS

Also, how the HELL did jzx end up being the one who was able to express his intentions clearly? He was all “please don’t go to the burial mounds, stay here with me so i can protect you from all who would want to hurt you”

DAMN IT LWJ, IF YOU’D JUST SAY THAT TO WWX, HE’S UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON. 

YOU CAN’T JUST BE ALL “COME TO GUSU” WITH NO EXPLANATION

Jzx accomplished this before you did, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED.

Huh, okay, i guess i did go into a bit of detail with that hetero nonsense. Oh well.

Now we’re at the burial mounds again with wwx

AND WE SEE A-YUAN PROPERLY FOR THE FIRST TIMEEEEE!!

ANY A-YUAN MOMENT IS BY DEFAULT A WANGXIANTIC, GUYS, TRUST ME.

AAHHHH, WE SEE A-YUAN DO THAT LEG-GRABBY THING HE DOES!!!

HE’S SO CUTE. TOO ADORABLE.

I LOVE YOU A-YUAN

Lol, wwx is all if you don’t let go i’ll plant you like a turnip

And a-yuan plops himself down in the dirt like YOUR THREATS DON’T WORK ON ME, OLD MAN, I LIKE BEING IN THE DIRT

Then he asks wwx for 3 elder brothers and 2 elder sisters, awwww. He thinks wwx can grow them in the garden (like cabbage patch kids!!!)

Plot stuff happens

Blah blah wwx and wq share moment blah blah jc shows up blah blah

Lol

Jc sees that glowing talisman door thing and is like THAT SIGN WON’T STOP ME BC I CAN’T READ

And then whips it down with zidian

Now we get some feelings-laden Yunmeng bros time

A-yuan shows up and leg-grabs jc and it’s ADORABLE

But jc yells at him bc he’s a JERK

Wwx scolds jc and then is a Dad to a-yuan: don’t put your hand in your mouth, you were just touching dirt!

Awww, we get to see jc fight back a smile at this! HE WANTS TO BE AN UNCLE, I JUST KNOW IT.

Plot plot plot stuff happens

More plot stuff happens

And the episode ends with us still in the burial mounds with the yunmeng bros

And you know what, i’m just gonna focus on our BAMF mianmian moment bc quite frankly the rest of the episode either had me in tears of anguish or spitting mad. There was no inbetween. 

I’m gonna end up having blood pressure problems at this rate.

I’m too poor young to have blood pressure problems.

The Jin clan better pay for any medical bills I get because of them, I'm just saying

Return to Masterpost

[palettepainter]

Name: Bellator, God of War Nicknames: /// Gender: Female  Occupation: God of War, commander to warrior angels  Rank: God  Likes: Tea, weaponry craftsmanship, peace and quite, night time, training Dislikes: Disrespectful behaviour, foolishness, stubbornness, flamboyant people Powers: Immense strength and heightened senses, flying, has a roar that can shatter glass, can turn into a lion with wings General bio: The god of War, though not the tallet out of the heaven council, is by far the most strongest and most tactical. She is known as a fearless leader to heavens armies and knowns as a legend for the countless victories she leaded. On first appearance you'd think the fearsome God of War would be a cold hearted, deadpan, serious, no-fun stick in the mud: you're only half right. To those who know Bellator well enough to call her a friend, she is very straight to the point and doesn't tolerate silliness or people who cause disruptions. She isn't one for sugar coating when it comes to delivering news, she gets it out as soon as she can with no fuss, however depending on the circumstances, she'll break the news a little easier. Bellator has a strong sense of justice and is a strong believer in that crimes must be met with a worthy punishment, she is not above giving her students punishments or extra training if she catches them slacking off or she believes they are holding up the rest of the class. While Charleston handles the trainee angels and teaches much more basic training for beginners, Bellator's training is much more extreme and physically exhausting - Bellator would never push a student to the point of them passing out, but she will push them to go beyond their limits to become stronger. Due to her thousands of centuries of living, Bellator is full of knowledge and shares it to her student sin hopes they will become even better.  Relationships:  Bellator and her son Amica, to most peoples surprise, have a very good mother son bond. Amica was laboured by another female warrior under Bellator, and with the Goddess of Life's magic the child was given Bellator's DNA. Bellator decided it would be safer is another warrior where to labour her child, so that she could continue her training and so it would be less obvious to possible threats that the God of War would be gaining a son or daughter. When Amica was born, he was born with only one wing, a great shock to Bellator - despite this Bellator continued to raise and care for her son, whom despite his disability is just as determined as his mother, and is frequently getting scrapes and bruises when he goes off on his adventures. There bond is very much like Mufasa and Simba - Amica looks up to his mother a lot, and continues to push himself in hopes of becoming something his mother could be proud of. War and Peace are like Yin and Yang, total opposites. Bellator and Angie knew off each other through the heaven council with them both being gods, but other then that the two never had a real bond and didn't actively seek out the other for discussions, and their friendship didn't go beyond their council meetings or the one of two greetings if they passed each other. All this changed however once Amice was born, and when it was discovered he only had one wing. Bellator knew how to care for a young one, but being the god of war, she was no expert, she got nervous when the baby started bawling its eyes out and wasn't sure what to do when it started teething (even more so when he started to use her tail as a chew toy). Bellator seeks out Angie's help, who to Bellator's slight embarrassment offers her some very simple advice she didn't even think of. The two gradually grow closer as Angie assist Bellator in caring for Amica, and the two begin to form a sister bond, with Bellator even becoming something of an Aunt figure to Angie's son Willem. Bellator DOES care for Willem, make no mistake about that, she was a key figure in Willem's life, especially when his father mysteriously vanished. If Bellator hadn't been there in Willem's time of grieving, he might not have been able to find the strength to press on for a better future. It took a lot of pep talks and reassuring hugs, but Bellator I able to pull Willem out of his sad state, and it was on that day that Bellator swore to protect both her sister and her son...However Bellator isn't exactly fond of Willem's rather lazy and care free attitude. She has tried numerous times to try and get Willem into training his powers so that he may become stronger, but no matter how hard she tries it seems that Willem is just no interested. She is not the biggest fan of his puns either, especially when she is trying to concentrate. Despite all this, Bellator does love and care for Willem, and will pull him in for a quick side hug and hair ruffle when no ones looking  Bellator is still deciding how she views Jevil, the notorious god of Chaos, whom has been set free to roam heaven as he undergoes his reformation. Bellator is not trusting of Jevil, and most certainly does not trust him with her son, who Jevil likes to hang out with just to toy with Bellator. Bellator is always, ALWAYS, straight to the point with Jevil, not because she hates him, but because she had learnt that being upfront is the best way to communicate with the god. Bellator is still wary of Jevil, and she continues to keep up her guard round him, but she trusts in the councils opinion on setting him free, and she will only intervene if she believes Jevil is going to throw another attack on heaven and its people. She holds his caretaker Ramiel in high respects for simply being able to put up with Jevil, she has told Ramile and Jehovah she will not intervene with this reformation business unless things get out of hand, she trusts Jehovah's decision making, so if Jehovah trusts this Ramiel enough to assig her as Jevil's guardian, then so does she. Bellator also has great respect for his students, and is very proud of them all when they are able to push themselves to become stronger - but obviously she'll step in if she belives a student is pushing themselves too hard. Two of her most impressive warriors are Abel and Tabbriss, she is exceptionally proud how far the two have come, and so the two have earnt her complete and total respect, she trusts and believes in the two enough that she would give them command over a situation if she was unable to lead the charge.  Is close friends with Charelston despite what others may think, like herself and Angie their friendship didn't go beyond aquaintances until Bellator helped clean up a wound of Charelston's daughters leg, even cracking a few small jokes Willem had told her (she may not be a huge fan of jokes but she still listens), ever since then Charleston had been much more relaxed around her, seeing that behind her calm, serious face was someone approachable and kind. The two like to discuss training exercises, and Bellator will listen politely as Charleston babbles about his newest teacup set. Bellator really doesn't understand all this british stuff, but she appreciates that it makes Charleston happy, so she listens She and the God of the Moon are on good terms, due to their children getting along herself and moon became acquainted. Bellator is puzzled by the sleepy, ditsy old man, and even to this day wonders how in the world he manages to keep his active daughter in line. Despite Moon being a god Bellator has grown a protective instinct to keep him safe, since Moon will fall asleep at random Bellator sticks around to make sure he is safe until he wakes up. Name: Amica Nicknames: /// Gender: Male  Occupation; Son to the God of War, Bellator   Rank: Child  Likes: Running around, adventures, climbing things, video games, comic books, rolling down grassy hills  Dislikes: Overly fancy clothing, having his hair combed  Powers: Inhanced strength and senses, can turn into a lion cub, can shatter glass with his roar but hasn't yet achieved this  General bio:  Compared to his mother, Amice is far more easy going, he's very friendly and approachable, though he takes 100% after his mother when it comes to his sense of adventure and strength. Amica is a rough and tumble kid, he likes to rough house with his mother in his cub form and when he isn't with her he's either with his older cousin Willem or playing with is best friend Star. Amica is determined to become a great warrior like his mother, and strives to make his powers stronger. Due to him being a kid he doesn't fully know his boundaries and how far he can push himself without becoming exhausted, countless times Bellator has found Amica fast asleep in the training arena, though she admires his determination, she does wish he would go a bit easier on himself. Despite not being able to fly, Amica really enjoys watching birds flying or even watching warrior angels practise their combat in the air, since Amice cannot fly his mother often flies around with him - Amica does sometimes get a bit anxious about not being able to fly like all of his mothers other students, which is why he strives so hard to become a strong warrior with his other attacks. Since Amica is just a kid he is far from accessing the full ability of his powers, but he is much more powerful then any other kid his age due to him being the son of Bellator. Amica always gets really excited whenever someone compliments his strength, and he's very much happy to help others train to make their powers stronger  Relationships: His best pal is Star, the daughter to the God of Mood and future goddess to the stars. Amica and Star are full on bros, they will rough house with each other, go on adventures together (even if that means sneaking away from the watchful eye of their parents), train together, crash from exhaustion ontop of the nearest grassy hill together, the list goes on. The two began as rivals, each one wanting to outpower the other, but overtime the two began to bond and soon agreed they'd both train from now on. They're bond is like Bambii and Feline and Simba and Nala - both are very supportive of each other, and each take turns in being the leader on their adventures. Is very close to his older cousin Willem, and no one can tell Amica otherwise that his cousin isn't the most coolest angel ever. Willem may or may not have convinced Amica  few times to slack off from chores to relax with him, and Bellator was not amused. The two of them have more of a brother bond then cousins, and Willem is endlessly lazyily supportive of Amica and Star when they go off on their adventures to better control their powers, often cheering with a casual 'yay'. On the whole, they're very close Loves his Auntie Angie and her motherly affection, though Bellator is a good mother, she is very busy with her job as commander of the guard, which often leaves Amica either by himself or being watched by someone. Despite Amice's very typical boy attitude he doesn't mind the attention given to him by his Aunt Angie, nor does he mind her giving him cookies or picking her flowers for her vase. He ADORES her large wings, perfectly for snugglin and playing with  Tabriss/Abel/Ramiel/Jehovah - @cosmic-artzz  DO NOT REPOST/EDIT/COPY/TRACE MY ART OR THE OC'S!!!

[whatmack]

forbidden kevin/matt content u say 👀

They’d be really cute? Let Kevin have a soft bro but also a bromance that’s actually a rormance. And we sure fuckin know that Matt’s drawn to strong personalities. Anyway merry 25th here’s 776 unedited words:

“Who on the team have you had a crush on?” Allison asks.

Kevin narrows his eyes at her. They’re not playing a drinking game, so he has no idea why Allison is asking him personal questions. He hefts his gym bag higher up his shoulder and tries to ignore the mud seeping into his socks. It rained all of last night and this morning, and Andrew drove off as soon as Neil was in the passenger seat of the Maserati. Dick.

At least it isn’t last year. He and Allison used to make the trek to the Humanities building after Tuesday practice in thorny silence. “That depends on who’s asking.”

“Allison Reynolds, defensive dealer, saved your fucking ass three days ago against the Jackals,” says Allison, her smile blinding and without mercy, and okay, Kevin does have to admit that his concentration had lapsed for an important moment and Allison had stepped in.

“It would be easier to say who I haven’t had a crush on,” Kevin admits. Puddle water splashes up his ankles. His Early Midaeval lecture is going to be miserable. “You’re all Exy players. And I’m—” bisexual. “Me.”

The glint in Allison’s eyes bodes nothing well. “You had a crush on me?”

Like calls to like: in his better moments Kevin can admit to some of the same self-possessed arrogance as Allison has. It’s not as if either of them are without reason. “For about five seconds. It’s long dead, don’t worry.”

“Your loss,” says Allison. She tosses her hair. Kevin thinks she’s doing it as a joke, but it’s hard to tell, with Allison. “Renee?”

“She took her helmet off and I saw her hair.”

“Neil? Oh my god, the monster? You totally did. You were so pathetic following him around.”

The back of Kevin’s neck grows hot. “We can’t all deal with our trauma by buying a new designer wardrobe.”

“Shame.”

They trudge a few steps in silence. Kevin eyes the curb and wonders if it would be worth it to hop up there for the potentially drier ground. The possibility of falling off and embarrassing himself forever (Allison will definitely take pictures) is a glaring dissuasion.

“…Dan? Ooh, scandalous, that’s our captain.”

“No,” says Kevin. “Actually. She always felt more like a—” sister. Especially now. “Teammate.”

“From the stories I’ve heard, in the Nest that wasn’t mutually exclusive.”

Sex, yes. Crushes? Kevin remembers the taste of Thea’s notes as he ripped them up and stuffed them in his mouth, frantic to swallow them before Riko asked why he was taking so long on the toilet. “Don’t be jealous I’ve had more sex than you, Reynolds.”

“Hardly. Matt?”

Kevin falters. He knows from retellings that Nicky made a beeline for Matt when the cousins arrived, and Kevin can understand why. Matt is tall, with a body that takes to muscle well, comfortable in his broad shoulders. He’s easy with his affection and when he smiles the corners of his eyes crinkle, like his mouth alone can’t contain his happiness. He’s also got a solid foundation as a backliner. Uncreative, but that gives Kevin something to work with. He’d mesh well with Jean’s sharper style of play.

“He’s dating Dan,” says Kevin. Monogamy has been a strange concept for him to apply to college students, but he’s learning fast. Mostly out of necessity.

Unfortunately, Allison is as smart as she is vicious. “That’s not a no.”

Kevin sets his foot down harder than necessary. His shoes squelch. “How long are you going to follow this conversation?”

“Now that you’ve shown it bothers you? Forever. Kevin has a cru-ush, Kevin has a cru-ush, Kevin has a cru-ush—"

“Shut up,” Kevin hisses, looking around as if Matt will materialize out of the manicured collegiate lawn around them. “This is unimportant to our performance on the Court. And like I said, he’s dating Dan.”

“Mm. Well. I’ve made out with Dan at parties, and neither Matt nor Dan seemed to mind.”

This is new information. “What?”

“Something to think about,” Allison says. She jogs Kevin with her elbow and laughs as he stumbles into a particularly slimy puddle. “Get some, prodigy boy. It might unclench the Exy stick shoved up your ass.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck Matt, you wish.”Kevin bites the inside of his cheek. Allison is not wrong. He’s had…dreams.“And here’s something to keep you warm during your boring old people lecture: that time you wore a tank top to practice? He was definitely checking out your arms.”

Kevin misses saying good-bye to her as she swerves towards the doors because he’s too busy choking on his own tongue.

[nightshade-imagines]

Heya !! How are you ? :3c Teen!Sibling time 8D Reader and [character] didn't say yet they see each other like siblings. One day, as the three of them are walking down the street, a group of teenagers come of nowhere and start laughing. "Oh look, it's the freak ! They're friends with monsters !" Reader frown, crossing their arms and stepping in front of [character] "They aren't my friends." 1/2

I’ve always been a sucker for those types of moments! Also, sort of my first time writing for Underswap Alphys!

(Note: For any of the Fells, experiencing any kind of familia/platonic relationship with anyone outside you’re real family is confusing (especially if it’s a human). The main problem being the mind set of: This person has no biological connection to me, we are not bound by blood or magic but I continue to stay close to them, this person hardly serves any useful purpose to me for me to be risking anything for them, but I do it anyway, this person offers me no essential elements to my survival but I keep them around anyways and this person does things that others would be dead for doing but I let them go with a laugh. This mindset is what makes it so hard, for the Fells and it often leaves them dumbfounded. At least when it comes to romance they understand that if nothing else, it’s just a monsters natural reaction to hormones an all that crap, so that is why Underground, romance was more accepted than just keeping someone around because you’re really good friends with them.)

⭐UT Papyrus: Papyrus was initially dumbstruck by those kids’ rude behaviour and was about to step up and correct them when you quickly moved in front of him. Your first reply caught him totally by surprise and he stammered out an uncertain and questioning response, “HUMAN, WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M NO-” But he was quickly cut off by your follow up statement and gave you a look of disapproval, “HUMAN! SUCH LANGUAGE IS NOT NECESSARY AND BESIDES I’M SURE THAT THEY…”, he freezes mid sentence and his eyes snap open in realization at what you just said, “AWWW, HUMAN!”, he pulls you into a hug and there seems to be a light blush dusting his cheek as he bears the most genuine smile than you’ve ever seen. “I-I SEE YOU AS FAMILY TO, HUMAN.” You hug him back and he seems to pull you even closers and you giggle, “THIS IS WONDERFUL! I’VE…I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A BIG BROTHER! I MEAN I GUESS SANS IS TECHNICALLY SMALLER THAN ME, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!”, “Heh, of course.” The two of you completely forgot about the entire reason this conversation started and the bully’s were left sanding there watching your display until one of them spoke up again, “Uh, gross!” You and Papyrus payed no mind to the comment as Papyrus continued to chatter excitedly about how he was going to be the best big brother ever and something about reaching maximum “friendship power”. “*Gasp* HUMAN, WE MUST INFORM SANS OF THIS NEW DEVELOPMENT AT ONCE, HE’S GOING TO BE HAPPY AS WELL, THOUGH HE WILL PROBABLY BE TO LAZY TO SHOW IT!” You laughed to yourself again as Papyrus bolted back to his house with you in his arms. Needless to say, you were pretty sure that that defiantly wasn’t the outcome the bully’s were hoping for.

⭐UF Sans: Red sensed the hostility in the bullies’ souls when they approached you and readied his magic just in case they tried anything. While their attack may not have been physical it still pissed him off. This certainly wasn’t the first time he had seen or heard about you getting trouble for hanging out with him and his brother but you never seemed fazed by it. It was amazing in itself that you not only willingly put up with his brothers “eccentric” personality but you did so with undying determination. Like, even though both of them were huge jerks at times, you held tight to the light you saw in them even if it meant you got dragged through the mud to keep your grip. These thoughts raced through his mind in split second and he bared his teeth in a smirk. These kids were either really brave or really stupid to be messing with you while he was there, he’d put his money on the latter. “Freak huh? Well see who’s the freak after I’m done with yah.” He took a step forward only to be blocked by you, “Hey, what’s the deal, kid?” His eyes widen for a moment at your response to the bullies but before he was hit with any form of indignation, you ad your follow up. At first, he could only smirk at the bullies’ obvious surprise at your threat, then what you said really sank in. Family? You actually saw him and his brother as family? That……what? Did he feel the same way? Now that he thought of it, it seemed almost like his brother thought of you that way already. While Boss would never openly admit it, Red knew his brother had an unusually strong soft spot for this human. Heck, just the other day you were freakin’ holding onto Paps piggy back ride style and peppering the top of his skull with kisses just to fluster him! Never once did Boss make any violent move towards her and was rendered totally helpless. Red had to admit, it was pretty hilarious to watch The Great and Terrible Papyrus flail around with a beet red face as he tried to reach his back and pull you off all while spouting out empty threats. It finally ended when you blew a huge raspberry onto the side of his face, dropped off his back and booked it down the hall with Boss chasing close behind. It didn’t take long at all for him to catch you and carry you back out over his shoulder as you continued to giggle your head off, It reminded Red so much of how he used to mess with Boss when they were younger. After a rant from Boss, her “punishment” for “assaulting” The Great and Terrible Papyrus was taste testing his newest recipe, which in itself wasn’t bad considering Boss was an ace in the kitchen, but he tended to remake the dish over and over again until it was up to his standards. “NOW, HUMAN, WOULD YOU SAY THIS ONE IS BETTER THAN THE LAST?”, “Yeah, sure.” “WOULD YOU SAY THAT THIS ONE IS THE BEST SO FAR?”, “Yep, paps, you nailed it!” Boss leaned in closer and examined your every expression, “SO YOU’RE SAYING THAT THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY FOR ME TO MAKE IT ANY MORE PERFECT THAN IT ALREADY IS?”, “I-uh…yes?”, “I DON’T BELIEVE TO YOU, BACK TO THE STOVE I MUST TRY AGAIN!”, “*Sigh*.” Heh, poor kid, any longer and you probably woulda’ gone into a food coma. That’s an over exaggeration of course but you defiantly crashed on the couch afterwards, apparently humans do that to. *Snirk* The look on your face, “Heh, I guess you really couldn’t stomach that much pasta”, “Sans, please stop talking…”, “You can’t really blame paps for remakin’ it so many times, just thing of all the pastabilities!”, “Sans, I’m going to die on your couch now.”, “Alright, alright, I’ll short-cut ya home later.” You just offered a small thankful groan in response before going limp on the couch and Red chuckled. Thinking back to that made him feel a strange fondness in his chest. Guess I have a soft spot for you as well, kid, you really were something else. Heh heh…heh…did some human seriously fall into his and his brother’s life and end up becoming a part of their family? Finally realising that he had been reminiscing far to long, he snapped out of his trance and turned back to the situation at hand. He wasn’t sure what exactly happened while he wasn’t paying attention but things certainly seemed to be heating up and he mentally slapped himself for just standing there while you dealt with these jerks. One of the bully’s actually swung at you and Red immediately jumped into action and grabbed their wrist in a tight grip. He started at their hand for a minute then slowly turned his head to look at them. His left eye lit up and a sharp, sadistic smile snapped onto his face, he defiantly looked terrifying as he spoke, “You did not just do that…” The bully stammered in fear and tried to pull his wrist away with no avail, “Oh, now you’re in trouble!”. The bully continued to stammer out fearfully as Red pulled him closer and their faces were almost touching. Red smiled again as he whispered to them, “Or, you could apologize and run away with your tail between you legs like a good little boy”, Red turned to you and winked. The bully quickly nodded and looked to you before quickly apologising and Red let go of his wrist, “Now run!”, the bully immediately turned tail and booked it out if there and Red turned around to you again with a proud look on his face. The two of you just smiled at each other for a few minutes before bursting out in laughter, “Did you see the look on that guys face when when you caught his fist, priceless!”, “Ha, yeah, and the way his “buddies” took off the second we started to fight back!“, ”What a bunch of jerks! It’s kind if a shame though I wanted to be the one to teach them a lesson, but thanks, Sans, for standing up for me.“ “Hey, don’t worry about it, kid, you’ll get your chance.” The laughter died down and you flashed him a real smile and he hesitated for a second, “And, uh, kid, about what you said, about us being yer family…"He looked away, “I don’t…not feel the same way”, you smirked, “Do you want to try that without the double negative?”. “Nope!”, Red turned and resumed walking the way you were earlier, “C'mon, the Boss is gonna be pissed if we’re late for dinner again”, you jogged to catch up to him, “Okay, Okay race you there…bro!”, you laughed and rushed ahead of him quickly as he looked at you in shock that then morphed into a smile, *sigh* this soft spot is gonna be the death of me.

⭐US Alphys: Alphys wrapped an arm around your neck and gave you a noogie as she excitedly talked about some new anime she and Undyne started watching. It still kind of amazed you that someone as hardcore and intense as Alphys would be into girly animé and other cute, fluffy stuff (or kawaii as she called it). You just smiled to yourself at the thought when you noticed some kids walking towards you. After they spoke, Alphys snarled at there words, “You wanna try saying that again, punk!” You stepped in front of her and she turned to you in shock at your response but that quickly turned to a sly smile when you finished and she stepped up beside. Despite being considerably shorter, she still managed to look threatening. Alphys looked up to you and winked with her good eye and there was a look of uncertainly in the bullies’ eyes as they all took a step back when she spoke up, “What say the both of us us teach these chumps a lesson?”, you returned her sly smile, “It would be my pleasure!”

(Oh also, I noticed that I messed up a little on this ask I did earlier: https://nightshade-imagines.tumblr.com/post/168212653238/heya-how-are-you-3-sf-brossibling-time-so#notes and posted the ruff draft instead of the final version so I went back and corrected a few things. It was just some grammar mistakes and a few rewordings that were supposed to be in the final version.)

[lunarfanfics]

One Last Dance                                                         

Rating: T                                                                                                           Pair: Annie Leonhardt & Eren Jaeger (Modern AU)

I recently marathoned 13 Reasons Why with my sis, so I was partially inspired by that one episode of Clay hallucinating a memory of dancing with Hannah, but mostly THIS song that played when they danced. There is NO suicide in this btw, Annie is a runaway. I just really liked that one scene and song. Also if my writing reads differently, it's because I've gained lots of inspo from the author Maggie Steifvator. C:

[Also on Ao3 & FF.Net]

He sat by his lonesome on the gym bleachers; on the highest row so his view was full of the shiny waxed floors. As he sat idly, his mind took him elsewhere. He couldn't stop thinking, has it really been a year since she left? That’s three hundred sixty five days. Plus one. He wondered what she’d accomplished in all those days, and how she was doing, and who she was with, and where. Where was she?

Grief was such a powerful emotion, and she was so small, so strong, but still fragile. Susceptible to the natural events that occur in one's life. Death, for one. Death of a loved one, for two.  

Eren Jaeger hadn't known Mrs. Leonhardt, personally; but if she were anything like her daughter (and he knew looks wise she were) he would’ve grown a soft spot for her. Annie Leonhardt, a punk girl with a punk attitude to match, wasn't close to Mrs. Leonhardt, actually, Annie hadn't known of her mother’s existence until she had started her Sophomore year of High School. Time always brought more upending drama.

In the year it took them to spark that mother daughter bond that’s been left vacant in Annie’s life thus far; Mrs. Leonhardt became sick. Fatally so, as she’d always been sick. Terminal illness. It’s why Annie had always skipped fourth period lunch, visiting hours at Maria Hospital ended early.

Annie had thought god cruel to rob her of a mother she’d thought she never had. When Eren found her weeping in an empty school hallway, just standing there, glassy blue eyes fixed on red lockers. He thought, god were cruel to make one of his angels cry. 

That moment changed his life forever, because he chose to invade Annie’s space at the time, an action he would've never done before, because he didn't care for the issues of other people, he had his own. But this, but her, was different. He chose to ask her what was wrong, she had remained silent. He chose to stay by her side. She had done nothing to make him leave, so he had no reason to. He stayed until the tear stains on her cheeks dried.

He hadn't really known her then. But Eren knew grief, and the feeling wasn't to be felt alone. Grief was bruises that bloomed on the inside, until the ache became a tender wound that could only heal with time. Grief was longing for someone no longer there, a heaviness that weighed down the heart, and the mind. Yes, Eren knew grief all too well.

Annie and he became acquaintances that day, with little to no interaction, and hardly any eye-contact. In the day after, Eren found they shared many similarities, not by talking, but by observing. They both had stubborn silences that ticked people off, bright eyes that glowed when they threatened, or were threatened, quick tempers, and a passive hatred for their current government. He found that they had chemistry, but most of all, shared trauma of losing a mother.

In the days to follow, Eren and Annie would become gym partners who exchanged few words, and the days after that, they would become friends, and then in between that, through a strengthening bond and held gazes, they would waver forever between a little more than friends, and something more.

Eren wished she had stayed just a bit longer. His car accident a month ago had not prevented him from looking for her. His license was suspended, but that didn't stop him either. Neither did his minor concussion.

“Jaeger Meister, my man!” A loud voice in his ear snapped Eren from deep thought, he blinked, and suddenly there was rhythmic music blaring in the gym, fairy lights of muted blues and purples swarmed his vision, boys in tuxedos, and girls in sparkling dresses hooted and hollered, they were dancing, twirling, grinding on each other like sex-crazed young adults.

He blinked again to see if he had entered a dream but the scene stayed the same. He was still in the gym, still seated high above on the bleachers, except that he was back at the Winter Ball that happened a year ago. The night she left. His buzz-cut friend, Connie dressed in a purple pin-striped tux, shook him from his stupor.

“Hey, something the matter bro’? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Eren turned his head, meeting Connie’s wide amber eyes, that were just as concerned as the rest of his features. Eren opened his mouth, but couldn't find what to say. What do you say when you’ve suddenly morphed into the past?

“It is Jean?” Connie furrowed his eyebrows, then he looked down. Eren followed his gaze, rows down from the bleachers he spotted the occult girl Mikasa Ackerman, who was a dark shadow among the colors that invaded his eyes. She stood near the punch bowl, while Jean Kirstein, the self-acclaimed bad boy of Rose High School, talked animatedly to her, making wild hand gestures and such. Possibly making a fool out of himself as well.

“Dude keeps trying, but she wants none of that.” Connie laughed, then nudged Eren with his elbow, “I heard she’s totally into you though, you should make your move before she settles with Jean out of pity.”

But Eren’s attention had left Jean and Mikasa; instead his wandering eyes roamed over the heads of countless students, searching for that one person. Connie cocked his head, puzzled. “Who’re you looking for?”

Eren muttered. “She isn’t here.”  Or, maybe it was Connie who muttered. He couldn't tell. The music was so loud.

“Hey bro’ you know,” Connie clicked his tongue, “You had all the time in the world to tell her.”

A hammer pounded on the inside of Eren’s skull; he gripped the side of his head. Who was Connie talking about again? Mikasa? But Eren said, “I know.”

“You could’ve asked her to the dance. Why didn't you?”

Eren shut his eyes.

“You could’ve stopped her from leaving when you had the chance.”

“I know.” Eren gripped his head tighter. “Please stop rhyming.”

The gymnasium was spinning, and so was he. Then Connie clapped a hand on his shoulder.

“You look like hell man, Come on, get up, you need to move.”

Eren shook his head. “No I-”

“Yes!” Connie jumped up, he had hooked his arm around Eren’s elbow, so Eren clumsily came to a stand, hunched over because Connie was just a couple shorter than he. “This is my song! Let’s dance!”

“With you?” Eren sputtered, being led down the bleachers by Connie, he tried not to trip over his too-big polished shoes he didn't remember putting on that morning.

“Yeah man!” Connie spun him onto the middle of the dance floor. “You and me! Mano en mano, don’t be shy just because I’m a guy!”

“Quit rhyming.”

Connie grinned, his head bobbing to the beat, all around them boys and girls were bouncing, laughing, high off the euphoria of the oncoming holidays, and Winter vacation, or just high in general. The noise, the energy while it happened everywhere, the area Eren occupied remained stagnant, everyone was moving but him.

His friend chuckled, and punched him on the arm. “ C’mon dude! stop sulking, wiggle your hips, start dancing, you’ll feel better! I promise .”

“Connie, I can’t do this.” Not because Eren was timid, but, this was not going to make him feel better. For him, dancing could not cure heartache.

“Try.”

Eren only stared at Connie, arms at his side, a stick in the mud. He felt awkward, and out of place until Sasha, Connie’s loud, and proud girlfriend waltzed in; she wrapped her arms around Connie’s neck, and together they giggled like idiots in love, and swayed close, and swayed. Eren continued to stare, and stare, and stare. Until he saw past the couple, and there were the gym doors, and there peeking through the heavy red double doors, was Annie.

Connie was at his shoulder in an instant, “Why don’t you go ask her to dance?”

Sasha pinched Eren’s cheek. “ Aw he might be shy, she’s only here for the moment y’know!”

Eren knew. Finally he was moving, towards the gym doors, and though Annie had disappeared, he didn't stop moving, he ran down the staircase, his dress shoes made a heavy clack clack sound with every foot fall, and then he was out the exit door, red, just like all the others.

It was snowing. That was the first thing he noticed. Second, was the chill, the air was frigid, and seeped through his blazer, turned his panting into puffs of white, he felt it in his bones. Eren shivered, wrapped his arms around himself in some attempt of conjuring warmth. The third thing he noticed, was the pale blonde girl in a frayed leather jacket too big for her shoulders, knit leggings and combat boots.

She noticed his presence two seconds later. Annie had a black duffel bag slung around her shoulder, and a phone in her hand, the screen illuminated her chin in blue. Eren breathed. Out of relief, and out of sadness. “Annie?” He walked closer, tentatively, afraid she’d bolt from him, though the idea sounded ridiculous. Still, it’s been so long since he’s seen her. Even if this her , he vaguely knew, was just a figment of the past. The what-if part.

“Where’ve you been?”

It was the question he’d always wanted to ask when he saw her again. But as Sasha said, Annie was only here for the moment, so he took his chance now. The cold colored Annie’s pale cheeks pink, and her hooked nose rosy, she opened her mouth then closed it. Shook her head, and dropped her arm to her side, the one that held the phone.

“Eren…”

His name left her lips in a cloud of white smoke. He met her eyes, and they were all the colors of Winter skies, ice, and mistakes. Yet they still alighted a warmth in him. Her eyes were perhaps the warmest feature of her, and they've branded a permanent mark on his heart already. It scared the hell out of him. But somehow, she calmed him all the while alighting his nerves; all he felt was the numbing chill, the fire ants that crawled beneath his skin. Ice and fire. Hot and cold. She was a walking contradiction. He loved her for that.

“Come inside, it’s f-freezing out here, you’ll get sick.” He stepped closer to her. “Please.”

“Eren.” She sighed, a broken sigh. “I can’t,” she sighed again. “I can’t go back.”

Eren hadn't realized how he subconsciously crept towards Annie until he towered over her, and she was forced to crane her neck to look him in the eye. “I’m leaving this place.” She said. “This town?” Annie gestured with her arms half-wide, to nothing, and everything in particular. “It doesn't feel like my home anymore, I don’t feel like I belong, it’s like- It’s like… I’m a ghost passing through,” She shrugged, averted her eyes. “Watching everyone else grow, while I stay rooted in the past, and if I stay here any longer, I’ll just…”

Eren chewed on the skin of his bottom lip until it became tender, he was anxious, anxious for her to stay even though he knew that she wouldn't. “But, your father-”

“Will be fine without me.” Her tone was firm and as biting as the cold. “He doesn't need me. He didn't need my mother. For all those years he left her to rot in that sick prison. He can endure, because I won’t be dead, I’ll just be gone.”

She hadn't see him flinch at the word, Eren was glad she hadn’t. Gone was the type of word that coincidentally paired better with forever.

. “Right now, I need to breath, I need to get away… need time.” Very softly, she added. “Time to myself.”

Eren swallowed the lump made in his throat. This was how it would go, he supposed. If he had found her that night. If he had bothered to look. Nothing would have changed because he wasn't a man of words, but of action. But with Annie, he never knew what boundaries could he overstep, or if there had been any.

Would I love you, please stay had made a difference? No. They were just words. And he could never have forced her to stay in a place that made her feel so caged.

Did she truly feel the same for him, as he did for her? No, if she did, she would have never left. The truth hurt, and hit him solid as the bitter breeze whooshing through the bare branches above them.

Within the gymnasium of the school, The DJ mixed countless tracks, before they settled on the song of the night. That kind of song that brought the couple's into the spotlight for one last dance. The night slowed. Eren offered his hand to Annie, palm upturned. She didn't take it, just stared, curious.

He thought, in this dream sequence, in this past, in this whatever-it-was , he could do at least, one thing different.

“Please,” He tried not to plead, but there it was in his voice anyway. “Dance with me before you go?”

His dream Annie sighed once more, because it was something she used to do a lot. “You know I don’t dance.”

He smiled. “Neither do I.”

Because his smile was contagious, and Annie was a tough glacier, he only got a glimpse of her lips upturning , before it froze over. She wordlessly put her gloved hand in his, her exposed fingers were icy on his skin, he shivered, more so out of delight, than of chill.

He led her back into the school, back through the double red doors of the gymnasium. And, as he expected, there was no one else there. But that song still played, without the DJ, the melody haunted the space, drifting in and out of their ears. The snow had followed them too. Flurries danced by the various blue fairy lights that hung off the walls of the gym. The atmosphere was magic, and wonderful, but most of all, warm.

Eren faced her. Annie let go of his hand, dropped her duffel bag, and found his hand again. Her smart phone was gone, Eren wondered briefly for what she had used it for. To find him? To schedule her ride out of this town? To meet with some stranger who would be her ride out of this town? Thinking too much into that made him uneasy, all those thoughts were interrupted when she put her other hand on his shoulder, and stepped right under his nose, all peppermint and frost scented. He hadn't a clue how to dance, but this song was ambient, sensual in a way, so he swayed with her in time to it’s faded rhythm.

And the night slowed.

Five Years Later

Vzzzzzt  Vzzzzzt  'Vzzzzzt  'Vzzzzzt

His phone vibrated in his coat pocket, Eren stopped scribbling, setting down his pen and journal on the bench opposite of his Jackson Pollock knock-off, made up of the thickest glossiest gesso, and expensive acrylic paints. The Gallery was practically empty, actually, save for some window viewers, it was empty. He knew he should have chose a different date for a critique group. His friends hadn't arrived yet either. Who even cared for a poor graduate’s open art gallery on a Saturday morning anyway?

Certainly not the critics whose sole career was critiquing the works of others; and most definitely not his dear friends who’d made promises to arrive at his Gallery upon opening time.

It was now half past ten in the morning, which had not been the opening time, that was eight.

Maybe he was overreacting, and the trains were delayed, or something urgent had come up, something dire. Or someone had to bail. Someone always had to bail.

He sighed, sliding his thumb across the lock screen of his phone. Ignoring both notifications of the incoming text messages he’d just received, since he was already going to look at them.

One read,

Mika

Hey, I’m sorry I’m going to be a lil late today, my mom wants me to come with her to visit Aunt Kiyomi at the Funeral home. I Promise I will stop by later though. Don’t forget to take the aspirin I got you for the headaches, but only take two. xoxo

Eren snorted. Mikasa was such a mom herself. She had matured so much from the lolita crazed girl she used to be. Though he was glad to have a friend with a nurturing soul in his life. He would have met many dead-ends without her. He’d give Mikasa a pass today. Family matters are always more important. The second text, directly under the bottom one read four words.

Arm-man

Gonna be late! Sorry!

Short and simple meant Armin didn't have an excuse. But then again, Armin Arlert wasn't one to make up an excuse, or lie to his friends in general. But his honesty was still appreciated. Still though- Eren pursed his lips- He was sure Armin hadn't made any plans for Saturday, besides studying. But he was always studying. The figurines of popular anime characters he once cherished as a fifteen year old had long gone from his computer desk, and had since been replaced by ruler thick textbooks on Cultural Anthropology. Whatever that was.

Eren supposed he would be critiquing his own artwork for today. He supposed he could do well with being in solitude a while longer. The windows of the small venue (he and begrudgingly his still-no-good older brother help rent) were tall and looked out into the bustling streets of Sina. The skies were sunny, and cloudless, and the air outside was fresh, or as fresh as the air within a compact city could be.

Every time a city-dweller walked up to the windows to spectate his clay-made sculptures he’d set up in the front, their shadow would pass over him briefly. He figured they’d scan his dancing sculptures of a girl and a boy and immediately get those feelings he wanted to convey; ones of young love, of music and rhythm; then they’d peek further inside the space, hoping to see their hopeless romantic artist… only to find some bedraggled art graduate sporting a top-knot on his head, and wearing sweatpants with a partially buttoned shirt, just sadly doodling away in his notebook.

Yeah, he’d probably look the other way too.

Eren was prepared to spend nearly the whole morning, and maybe even the afternoon alone. He was. But then he wasn't. Because someone had actually walked through the clear door of the Gallery then, and was now inside. Viewing his clay sculptures more closely. They really were a hit with the ladies.

And she was a fair lady. Eren mused secretly, her hair was cropped short, red as blood, and her legs were so, so pale, despite the glaring sun outside. The dark shorts, and hoodie she wore only served to make her chalk pale skin even paler. Eren tried not to stare too long else he’d come off as a creep, but it was only polite, (and also a part of being a artist in business was presentation of both the artist and the piece) that he introduce himself first. So he abandoned his journal and pen on the bench, buttoned the top of his shirt, breathed into his hand to assure coffee hadn’t minced his breath, and confidently strode over to the petite redhead.

“Hello, m’am. Good morning, I see you found my clay pieces here, their structure are actually made up of wire on the inside, you see. I was still in highschool when I got inspired to make these. I went through a tough time after I got into car accident, I had this hallucination-”

He stopped. Corrected himself. “I had this uh, dream, about a girl, an old friend of mine, who ran away from home.”

The redhead hadn't bothered to turn around, nor grace him with a ‘Hello’ or ‘Good Morning’ of her own. Yet he continued.

“And this dream affected me in such a way that, I found myself spiraling into these episodes that would occur a lot like that dream. I’d see this girl everywhere I go. Even though she was really not there, crazy, huh?”

The redhead made a noise. Possibly of agreement, possibly of dismissal. He continued.

“I, well, I was young, and naive. But I think, I was also very much in love with this girl. I couldn't get her out of my head. She’d left her mark on me, I know it sounds rather off-putting, uh… maybe even a little weird.” He chuckled, nervously. “But when you meet someone whose presence makes a difference in your life, whose very… aura calms you in your darkest times, or challenges when you want to be challenged, or even just kicks your ass sometimes because you need to wake up… I- you just feel like,” Eren stammered,

“You just feel…”

“... Whole?” She saved his speech, still with her back turned. Eren swallowed.

“Yeah, whole. And when that person leaves, they also take that piece of them that's become a part of you. At the end, you don’t feel exactly like yourself anymore, things… become more difficult, it gets harder to breath, harder to think, and you wonder everyday, if she’s alright. If she’s eating, if she has a roof above her head, if she’s protecting herself, if she crying, all alone out there...”

Eren was no longer talking of his clay sculptures.

He whispered. “If she forgot about me.”

“Never.”

The redhead turned to face him now. Eren exhaled a shaky breath, sounding a lot like a laugh, because it was. It was . It was her. Not a dream. She was real, she was grown, and beautiful, and real.

He knew that wintry gaze anywhere, there was her familiar hooked nose, her down-turned lips that were slightly parted in shock of seeing him, as she was meeting him all over again after six years. And her, just her.

“Annie?” He laughed, neurotic, shook his head in disbelief, on the brink of crying.

Eren offered his hand to her. “Where’ve you been?”

[theoddcatlady]

Strength Potion

Edward The Great: Hey man you awake?

Weird Cedric: dude it’s three am

Weird Cedric: of course I’m awake what’s up

Edward The Great: Tryouts for the wrestling team are in three weeks. I don’t think I’ll be able to take the heat. I know I won’t make it.

Weird Cedric: Hey hey hey don’t give up now you GOTTA make it

Edward The Great: I’m a stick. Let’s be honest. Even if I worked out every day there’s no way I could match up to those meatheads.

Weird Cedric: steroids?

Edward The Great: Are you… you’re absolutely serious. Dude. No. Illegal. Expensive. And it shrinks your dick.

Weird Cedric: oh yeah

Weird Cedric: I’ll keep my eyes peeled and tell you if I come up with something

Weird Cedric: don’t give up man you got this

Edward The Great: Thanks for the false confidence. It’s shockingly working.

_ _ _

Bunny: <3 <3 <3 hi Eddie!

Edward The Great: Oh! Hi Alyssa.

Bunny: So Cedric slipped to me that you wanna join the wrestling team?

Edward The Great: I’m going to murder your brother, I swear to god. But yeah. What do you think?

Bunny: The fact you’re trying at all I think is super cool! :D I wish you luck!

Edward The Great: Really? Thanks… but if I’m gonna be honest, I don’t think they’ll let me in. I’m trying really hard but I don’t think I’m strong enough.

Bunny: … Well…

Edward The Great: Yeah?

Bunny: So um. You know how I love to search the weird parts of the internet? There’s this guy. Name’s Gus.

Edward The Great: I already told Cedric there’s no way in hell I’m not taking steroids.

Bunny: Good for you! I hear they shrink your testicles… but this isn’t steroids. This guy’s a total genius. Natural cure. And if I’m looking correctly, he just put up a new thing about a ‘strength potion’ he’s concocted.

Edward The Great: No shit.

Edward The Great: How much is it? If it even helps me bulk up a little I’ll go for it.

Bunny: Thirty five dollars for a week’s dose. Gus recommends two weeks for the best effect. If you go for it, I’ll pitch in!

Edward The Great: I’m in, why not. If I turn up dead, you know who and what to blame.

Edward The Great: … Bunny?

Edward The Great: Bunny, are you still here?

Bunny: … My dad just got home. He’s mad. I can hear him shouting at Cedric.

Bunny: Oh god I think I forgot to take care of the dishes

Bunny: I have to go

Edward The Great: Stay safe.

_ _ _

Edward The Great: Cedric? Are you two okay?

Weird Cedric: I’m good

Edward The Great: Cedric…

Weird Cedric: … Can’t go to school tomorrow. I got a black eye and it hurts to breathe

Weird Cedric: nothing’s broken though

Weird Cedric: take notes for me

Edward The Great: Shit.

Edward The Great: … And Bunny?

Weird Cedric: she made me promise not to tell

Edward The Great: I’m going to kill him.

Weird Cedric: no man my dad’s a fucktard but he’s also huge and a COP with a GUN

Weird Cedric: you don’t stand a chance

Edward The Great: Your sister told me about this ‘Strength Potion’ thing. Wanna give it a shot?

Weird Cedric: after tonight hell yeah

Weird Cedric: maybe if I can overpower him just once he’ll finally leave us alone

_ _ _

Edward The Great: Okay I’m adding your sister to this chat.

Bunny: Hi bro :D :D <3 <3 <3

Weird Cedric: hey baby sis

Weird Cedric: what’s up man

Edward The Great: Did you get the stuff?

Weird Cedric: yup it comes in a powder you mix with milk

Weird Cedric: looks like nesquik smells like shit

Edward The Great: Smells all burnt to me. Turns the milk a weird color too. It’s turned like mossy green.

Bunny: Bottoms up, boys! :D I can’t wait to see the results!

Edward The Great: Oh fuck me.

Weird Cedric: dude my sister’s in here

Weird Cedric: same though my eyes are watering and I’m trying not to barf

Bunny: Oh no D: I’ll bring you some orange juice Cedric!

Edward The Great: Tastes like ashes. Or the time my mom made me drink charcoal infused water because I had a stomach bug. Coats my throat like it too. UGH.

Edward The Great: Orange juice does the trick though. If I don’t see results like ASAP I’m giving up.

Weird Cedric: agreed. This shit nasty

Bunny: Oh shit that’s dad’s car in the drive! Cedric, did you take out the garbage?

Weird Cedric: oh god I didn’t. I’ll do it fast maybe he won’t notice. Night Ed.

_ _ _

Edward The Great: My stomach hurts but these results are. LEGIT.

Weird Cedric: I know

Weird Cedric: it’s been five days and I’m already trimming down

Edward The Great: I know! Same workout schedule and my abs are on the way to rock. Hard.

Edward The Great: Look out, Coach Mayer. You’re gonna have a new star on the team.

Weird Cedric: you’re working out? Shit I should start doing that

Edward The Great: Oh hardy fucking har.

Edward The Great: So um. Alyssa.

Weird Cedric: what about her

Edward The Great: Has she… talked about me lately?

Weird Cedric: I get it you want to bone my sister

Weird Cedric: its cool though

Edward The Great: Oh thank god I thought you’d kill me.

Weird Cedric: she’s into you and you’re like the least shitty person I know.

Weird Cedric: you break her heart though and I’ll break your spine

Weird Cedric: with my new bod

Edward The Great: I get it I get it

Edward The Great: I love her man. I’d rather stab myself than hurt her.

_ _ _

Bunny: So? Don’t keep me waiting! :D Did you make it? Did you?

Edward The Great: Well…

Edward The Great: Yes. :D

Bunny: Oh my god! Oh my god! I’m gonna be dating a guy on the wrestling team!

Edward The Great: Where’d you get that idea?

Bunny: … Cedric.

Edward The Great: He’s dead to me.

Edward The Great: But you really want to date me?

Bunny: Duh! J You goof. You’re super sweet, and you’re my brother’s best friend! If my brother thinks you’re good people, you’re good people.

Bunny: BTW have you experienced any side effects? From the Strength Potion?

Edward The Great: Well, now that you mention it… other than the abs, I’ve gotten a bit of a cough. I feel like I’m choking on dust. It’s probably just a cold though. A few of the other dudes on the team have the same thing.

Bunny: It probably is then. I’m just a worry wart.

Bunny: Soooo, see you Wednesday for dinner and a movie?

Edward The Great: I can see who wears the pants in this relationship, and I like it. Absolutely.

_ _ _

Weird Cedric: ok mayday mayday Houston we got problems

Weird Cedric: I swear to god if you don’t wake up right now I’m telling my sister that the Strength Potion shrunk your penis too

Edward The Great: What the fuck?! Your penis is shrinking?

Weird Cedric: well not yet

Weird Cedric: but shit just got weird

Weird Cedric: I woke up because I was coughing and I’m not shitting you I started coughing up mud

Edward The Great: The fuck???

Weird Cedric: I turned on the light and everything

Weird Cedric: It’s not blood. It’s flat out dirt.

Weird Cedric: dirt that smells like the shitty strength potion dirt

Edward The Great: Okay okay okay. First off, try to convince your dad to let you go to the doctor tomorrow.

Weird Cedric: fat fucking chance

Edward The Great: I said TRY. And next, let’s both cut off the strength potion. If you’re coughing up dirt, odds are I will be too. It’s probably something that’s built up in our respiratory system because we’ve been taking so much.

Weird Cedric: dude I only did the trial period

Weird Cedric: the three days

Weird Cedric: I’ve been out for weeks

Edward The Great: … Fuck.

_ _ _

Edward The Great: How’s Cedric?

Bunny: Bedrest. The doctor says that it’s a kind of fungus that’s grown in his lungs, but my dad refuses to let him stay in hospital. Says it’s too pricey and we can’t afford it. Can’t afford it, my ass, we’d be able to if he didn’t drink away his fucking paycheck!

Bunny: I’m sorry Edward… how are you doing?

Edward The Great: Not great if I’m honest. Literally every time I cough a puff of dust comes out. My mom thinks I’ve taken up a pottery class because I reek of clay. Has Cedric’s skin gotten, well… for the lack of better term, is it like some sort of shell?

Bunny: … Holy shit. You too?

Edward The Great: Yeah. And I’m taller. I’m buying new clothes and praying Mom doesn’t notice. My skin’s like cracked mud. It’s getting tougher by the day and it’s getting harder to move my face. I’m basically perma bitch face right now.

Edward The Great: I think I’m… turning into something. I’m so scared.

Edward The Great: Will you still like me even if I’m a monster?

Bunny: Of course! I like you Edward! Not what you look like or your muscles!

Bunny: You’ve always been perfect, Edward. And I

Bunny: my dad’s home oh my god oh my god and he’s kicking up a fit oh my god

Bunny: I lov

_ _ _

Edward The Great: Where the FUCK are you Cedric?!

Edward The Great: I went to your house and your dad’s dead. I heard some of the cops say his body was completely crushed like he was ran over by a car. What happened? Is Alyssa okay? Are YOU okay?

Weird Cedric: This is Alyssa. His fingers are too thick to push the buttons now.

Weird Cedric: How are you hitting them?

Edward The Great: Voice commands. My fingers are weird too. More accurate they’re the size of sausages and the joints are stiff. What happened to us?

Weird Cedric: I’m so sorry. This is my fault. I keep trying to email Gus and he’s not responding. I think you’ve been set up.

Edward The Great: This is not your fault, okay? This is that little prick’s fault. Where are you guys going?

Weird Cedric: We stole dad’s car. Cedric told me of a place to go. He said it’s the one with all those weird stories about goat men? He said you’d understand.

Weird Cedric: I love you. So much.

Edward The Great: Tell him I understand. Thank you. I’ll catch up. One thing about having a body made of stone and mud is that you don’t get tired. I’m gonna find the other guys though… If this is a fungus, I’ve spent the last three weeks coughing it into their faces and they’ve breathed it in. I’m gonna go offline and I’ll see you again.

Edward The Great: I love you too Alyssa. Just as much. Take care of Cedric. And if Gus contacts you, tell me where to find that little piece of shit so he can turn me back.

[muzaffar1969]

http://ift.tt/2nvxXZG

We’re all chasing one thing boys and girls: love. Many of us haven’t found it, and some of us have. For those that haven’t there’s a reason.

This message today is brought to you by “Bro’s Anonymous Incorporated” (The company I’m going to start, to teach all you guys how to be a man so you can get what you’re looking for). Women will also find this guide very insightful when it comes to the male species.

There’s probably one clear reason us single guys are still yet to find an amazing, successful woman. Here it is:

You haven’t given enough of yourself, and you’re still in love with you.

No woman gives a rats a$$ about how in love you are with yourself. The more you love how good you think you are, the less chance you have of being in a position to give something beyond your own selfish needs.

Attracting a woman is about taking the focus off your needs, and putting the focus onto someone else. You’re never going to attract a beautiful woman unless you learn to treat one like royalty and give everything you have.

Giving the metaphorical five bucks change you have in your back pocket from last nights piss up with the boys down at the local pub is not going to cut the mustard young Skywalker. Become metaphorically naked, and be vulnerable.

Drop all your thoughts about what you have to try and be to attract a woman. If I was to sum up this advice it would be, “BECOME OPEN MINDED!!!”

So let’s define the ultimate guide you are going to need to attract a woman:

  A) Share your brains not your assets

Assets such as houses, cars, shares, cash in the bank, etc are like trophies. They’re exciting for about two weeks, and then they become boring and seemingly unimportant. Don’t lead a conversation with a woman around these objects.

Let me give you an example. It’s like asking who won the 1965 200-metre high jump. 0.01% of people can remember, and most of us will just Google it because we can’t be stuffed caring.

The achievement and gold medal was significant in 1965, but decades on, it’s about the person that athlete has become in their life, not the medal. It’s about how much that athlete gives back and uses his or her triumphs to inspire others. Now that’s memorable.

Back to the guide for a minute. Your brain is your real asset, and that is what the long-term value proposition is for a woman. There are lots of ways to show a woman your brains and here are a few:

–   Have an intelligent conversation with her

–   Show your emotional intelligence by analysing a romantic situation of someone you know

–   Ask her intelligent questions about her life

–   Share your greatest fears and how you overcame them

–   Tell a great story that has a happy ending

–   Tell a tragic story and what you learned

Bottom line, talk about things with her and bring her into your world. Steer away from assets and towards engaging, addictive, inspiring conversation.

  B) Practice honesty not bullsh”t

Don’t over exaggerate! Women are very smart creatures, and they know if you lie or bend the truth. Tell it how it is; it’s much sexier that way. I’ve seen women literally throw themselves at men who can be insanely honest.

Honesty would have to almost be at the top of a woman’s list of things she’s looking for in a man. If you’re not honest by nature, then it’s time to practice.

Have an accountability partner to keep you honest if that’s what it takes. Lying is like throwing mud at a woman’s face and then asking “What’s wrong baby why don’t you like me?” Come on guys this stuff is not rocket science and I’m no Einstein.

  C) Try harder

I see so many guys put a half-baked effort into the pursuit of a successful and attractive woman. Remember this quest for a woman is one of the only things you were put on this planet to do. It’s bloody important so give it the attention it needs.

Put some effort in, and you’ll get to see what it’s like to be indestructible with a strong woman by your side. Now I know us guys need things spelled out for us sometimes so let me do that for you right now! This is what I mean by trying harder:

–   Plan the date in advance

–   Learn her friend’s names (and her name if you’ve forgotten that)

–   Open the god damn door of the car, hotel, house, club (insert door name here)

–   Tell her how she looks. If she looks stunning then tell her so

–   Show her you care by sending good morning and good night messages

–   Come over to her when she’s in a crowd of people and give her your undivided attention

–   Look her in the eyes when you talk to her

–   Tell her what you’re thinking and feeling

–   Spoil her with fantastic food

–   Surprise her with flowers when you take her out

–   Hold her hand. Hug her. Kiss her (you get the message?)

Now the list above may sound obvious but common sense when it comes to attracting a woman seems not so common. Let me put all of this in simple terms again: instead of treating her like your doormat, treat her like the dream Ferrari that you want to own (or maybe you have one already and are richer than me).

  D) Have some guts

Okay, this point is brutal. Text messaging is not going to cut it forever. It opens the door about 5cm to a women’s heart, and then you have to grow some balls and make a move. Hiding behind the screen of your phone is about as attractive as the freshly laid pooh from a horse’s anus.

Before I go on, I need to spell out something to do with text messages. Learn to spell and use grammar. If you type in English that is full of abbreviations, acronyms, and spelling errors, women will think you are totally dumb. Dumb is not going to work (see point A).

Now that’s off my hairy chest let’s move on. Women are looking for their version of a superhero. Let’s think about Batman for a second. Does Batman sit on his ass, eat potato chips, drink beer, and never leave the house.

No! The guy is out there saving lives, saying impressive sh*t, picking up smoking hot women, and most of all, having the guts to take action. This is what women secretly all want. They’re looking for their superhero who can swoop in and lift them off their feet.

They want their version of Batman who has the balls and the guts to do one of the following:

–   Talk to them

–   Ask them on a date

–   Formalise a few successful dates into a relationship

–   Ask them one day to marry them

If the best you can do is stand on the other side of the room with “The Boys” and not even have the guts to come over and talk, you’re never going to attract a woman. You may attract an unhealthy dose of sitting at home watching porn and masturbating though!

  E) Make a move

Think about business for a second. A large part of entrepreneurship is selling. If we break down selling it comes down to this beautiful, mysterious concept called a sales funnel. Basically, you take someone from a lead, to an opportunity, to a raving fan (customer).

Attracting a woman is the same concept. To be successful, you have to constantly be taking the next step and driving the action. There’s nothing sexier to a woman than a man who’s in charge. So to break it down even further, you will not win the attraction game unless you keep “MAKING A MOVE!”

Don’t wait for time and space to align. Tell her you like her. Ask her on a date. Make a move son and quit avoiding the truth.

  F) Don’t be a dick

It’s a shame I have to mention this one, but in a world full of madness it applies more than ever. Don’t be a dick. Here’s what that looks like translated: “Be the best version of yourself and remember that it’s not all about you.”

Secondly, quit the games. I see my male friends all the time playing games.

“Maybe I’ll call her. Maybe I won’t and keep her hanging.”

“What will she think if I do that? Maybe I look too desperate.”

Bottom-line is forget about how you might look and act with intention. Playing games will get you nowhere fast. There’s loads of competition trying to find an amazing woman so act swiftly and cut to the chase. The more games you play, the further you will get from your goal.

Games are for amateurs with no balls.

  G) Leave your ego in the closet

That big ugly thing you bring out of the closet to the club on a Saturday night is scaring all the girls away. This illusive thing is called your ego.

“Divorce your ego and marry the truth”

Egos are a sign of ugliness. When you bring out all the stories of how awesome everything is about yourself, no woman believes it. On the other hand, your vulnerable self that has failed, broken girls hearts, shattered dreams, and suffers from fear like the rest of us, is much more real.

Providing you are not some muppet with zero confidence that stays at home in the dark, too afraid to fart in case the sound bursts your precious little ear drums, I think being the real you will be fine. What do you reckon? Are you with me?

  H) Get out there and get amongst it

***Insert dating app name here**** will be unlikely to help you attract a woman. Women are living creatures that breathe and roam the planet like us males. I know it’s utterly shocking when you think about this little-known fact.

The best way to attract them is to create serendipitous, spontaneous moments and get out there and find one for yourself. How do you do that?

Go to stuff. Festivals, bars, meetups, balls, charity events, freaking bake off’s if that’s your thing. The key message is start doing and get off your lazy butt. Things will move much faster than any dating app where you are texting for twelve months wondering what each other really look like.

Real attraction begins with human connection, and it’s impossible to get that from an app. There’s nothing better than seeing each other in the flesh and looking into each other’s eyes over a genuine conversation. That’s where the attraction happens gentlemen.

By the way, I sometimes think I sound like a muppet myself with some of this advice, but I’m all for spelling it out.

  I) Iron your shirt (trust me on this)

Geez I can’t believe I included this one. Don’t roll up with your shirt all creased, bad breath, and a sign on your head that says “I am too lazy to iron my shirt because I don’t care about you that much.” Part of attraction comes down to looks, so make an effort to dress well.

How would you feel if she rolled up in pumpkin costume with a bag over her head? Probably not too good, although there may be some weirdo’s reading this who get turned on by this and have some crazy fetish. I’ll assume that’s not you for the sake of this guide.

  ***Final thought***

Let me finish by saying that chivalry is not dead; there is just a major shortage of it. Guys, if we don’t follow this ultimate guide, we could become extinct. Let me remind you that masturbation cannot allow you to reproduce and without reproduction, none of us exist.

Again, obvious but worth stating at this late stage in the game. Best of luck with your newfound wisdom. Now go use this guide!

April 02, 2017 at 09:05AM http://ift.tt/2nK5ErI from Tim Denning http://ift.tt/2nK5ErI