#StopDomesticViolence

[diaryofawifeinchaos]

Being the Problem

Because I don’t make as much money as him, he has concluded that my time outside of work is less valuable than his and I need to make up the difference in physical labor. As someone who works full time, is trying to build a business, and has to play chauffeur while he is unlicensed, I simply don’t have the time or energy to take care of everything else. He goes golfing, talks on the phone with friends and family for hours, and typically spends four hours each evening watching tv. If it’s a weekend, he’ll spend the whole day because “he earned it,” but I somehow didn’t.

Currently, I don’t have a college degree. I intend on starting school next week for a business degree, but until then I have to listen to his patronizing comments. He often feels the need to remind me that he has two Masters degrees in business, including an MBA. Early on, I attempted to use his “expertise” to write a business plan. However, he didn’t listen to me and created a plan for the exact business I don’t want. His plan was service based, whereas my idea was for a product. The last thing I want is to be at the mercy of clients.

He has stated multiple times that “we” will not invest money into my business - as if I have a choice. But, when he was away on a business trip, he nearly dropped a grand on a group of strangers for a dinner. Not even a legitimate investment. I confronted him about this when he got home. The project management program I need costs the same amount of money he boasted about potentially spending.

Last, but not least, this evening I stood up for myself. The evening started going downhill when he stepped on my foot. Instead of apologizing, he said I should be wearing slippers, indicating it was my fault. He then pointed out that there were dirty dishes in the sink from when the dishwasher was running. One evening this week, I didn’t clean up after dinner because I had too much to drink and figured I’d get it in the morning. Wouldn’t you know it, he woke up before me and took care of the easy to clean dishes. I was left with the ones that had food burned onto them. He held this over me as a reason why I had to move the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher. Maybe it’s because I never lived a day in my life with servants, but I thought you were supposed to put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher once the clean ones are put away. I hate that he leaves extra work for me to do.

This week, his friends are coming and they need a place to stay. The guest room has served as a storage room for me since we have a small apartment. I have a lot of stuff. Though I’ve been going through it, there’s a lot. The previous incident with the dishes was a reminder of how little he values my time. The guest room is 90% complete. There’s a few odds and ends, but it will otherwise it’s okay. Without looking into the room, he comes into our bedroom and starts going on about how his friends are coming tomorrow and how the room is unlivable. This sparked an argument, which has ended with me sleeping in the guest room to prove it’s livable. He made a half-assed attempt to get me to come back to bed. This is the second night in a row we had an argument. Yesterday, it was because he kept pulling on my hand while I was holding my phone. Today, it was about nagging me to complete things I’m already working on. According to him, both incidents are my fault and his actions did not contribute to the arguments and he is taking zero responsibility.

The guest bed used to be my bed. Honestly, I’ve missed the lush pillow top that conforms to all the right places. Not surprisingly, he has a terribly uncomfortable foam mattress.

What I’ve realized from all of this is that I fucking miss being alone.

Keep Shining,

D

[sangare-and-associates]

Domestic violence is a harsh reality that many silently endure. In this video, Advocate Priyanka Sangare sheds light on how Indian law protects victims and the role of a domestic violence lawyer in seeking justice. Know your rights and take action with trusted lawyers for harassment cases.

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[infinity-state]

Crimes Against Women: A Global Crisis

Throughout history and across cultures, women have been subjected to unspeakable acts of violence and torture. These atrocities have taken many forms, ranging from physical abuse to psychological torment, and have left lasting scars on countless lives. Despite progress in some areas, crimes against women continue to be a pervasive and persistent problem worldwide.

Historical and Modern-Day Tortures Endured by Women

Historical Tortures:

Witch Hunts: During the 16th and 17th centuries, thousands of women across Europe and America were tortured and executed under the suspicion of witchcraft. These women were often innocent victims of misogyny, scapegoated for societal woes.

Foot Binding: In China, the practice of foot binding, which began in the 10th century, subjected women to severe pain and lifelong disability, all to conform to societal standards of beauty.

Honor Killings: A practice rooted in ancient traditions and still prevalent in parts of the Middle East, South Asia, and Africa, where women are murdered by their own families to preserve "honor" after perceived acts of shame, such as premarital relationships.

Modern-Day Tortures:

Domestic Violence: Globally, 1 in 3 women has experienced physical or sexual violence in their lifetime, often at the hands of an intimate partner. Domestic violence remains one of the most widespread yet underreported crimes against women.

Sexual Violence and Rape: Women and girls around the world continue to be victims of sexual violence, including rape, trafficking, and sexual harassment. The use of rape as a weapon of war in conflict zones is a particularly egregious example of this atrocity.

Female Genital Mutilation (FGM): In parts of Africa, the Middle East, and Asia, FGM is still practiced on millions of girls and women. This brutal procedure, often performed without consent, causes severe physical and psychological harm.

Human Trafficking: Women and girls make up 71% of all human trafficking victims globally, with many forced into sexual exploitation or forced labor under inhumane conditions.

Cyber Abuse: With the rise of technology, women face new forms of abuse, including cyberstalking, revenge porn, and online harassment. This digital abuse can have devastating psychological effects, often leading to isolation and depression.

Events from History and Recent Times

The Rwandan Genocide (1994):

During the Rwandan Genocide, an estimated 250,000 to 500,000 women were raped. Sexual violence was systematically used as a tool of war, leaving a legacy of trauma that persists to this day.

Nirbhaya Case (2012, India):

The brutal gang rape and murder of a young woman in Delhi sparked nationwide protests and led to significant changes in India’s laws regarding sexual violence. The case highlighted the pervasive issue of gender-based violence in India.

The Yazidi Women (2014, Iraq):

The Islamic State (ISIS) abducted thousands of Yazidi women and girls, subjecting them to rape, forced marriages, and sexual slavery. The plight of these women brought international attention to the use of sexual violence as a tactic of terror.

#MeToo Movement (2017-Present):

Originating in the United States and spreading globally, the #MeToo movement has empowered women to speak out against sexual harassment and assault, exposing high-profile abusers and challenging systemic gender inequalities.

Dealing with Trauma

The trauma resulting from such violence can be profound and long-lasting. Healing from this trauma requires a multi-faceted approach:

Seek Professional Help:

Therapy with a licensed counselor or psychologist who specializes in trauma can be invaluable. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) are effective treatments for PTSD and trauma-related disorders.

Join Support Groups:

Connecting with others who have experienced similar trauma can provide comfort and solidarity. Support groups offer a space to share experiences, receive encouragement, and learn coping strategies.

Practice Self-Care:

Engaging in self-care activities such as mindfulness, meditation, exercise, and creative expression can help manage stress and improve mental well-being.

Report and Seek Justice:

Whenever possible, report the crime to authorities. It’s crucial to hold perpetrators accountable and to seek justice, not only for oneself but for others who may be at risk.

Education and Advocacy:

Educating oneself and others about the issues of violence against women is essential. Advocacy for legal reforms, better protection, and more robust support systems can lead to lasting change.

Helplines and Support Resources

Here are some helplines and resources available to women around the world:

United States

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Website: https://www.thehotline.org/

Canada

Canadian Women’s Foundation: 1-866-293-4483

Assaulted Women’s Helpline: 1-866-863-0511

Website: https://canadianwomen.org/

United Kingdom

National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999

Website: https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Australia

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14

Website: https://www.1800respect.org.au/

India

National Commission for Women (NCW): 1091 or 011-26944880

Sakhi (One Stop Centers for Women): 181

Website: http://ncw.nic.in/

South Africa

GBV Command Centre: 0800 428 428

Lifeline South Africa: 0861 322 322

Website: http://www.lifeline.org.za/

New Zealand

Women’s Refuge: 0800 733 843

Shine: 0508 744 633

Website: https://womensrefuge.org.nz/

Hotlines by Region

Global Women’s Rights Resources: https://www.equalitynow.org/

International Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Hotlines: https://www.hotpeachpages.net/

The history of violence against women is a dark chapter that continues to be written in many parts of the world. Yet, with awareness, education, and support, we can work toward a future where women are free from fear and violence. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, reach out to the resources available. Remember, you are not alone, and help is just a call or message away.

[n1kk11-blog]

You matter, seek safety from the violence you may be experiencing now please. From alcohol or drugs, mental or physical abuse. It's their fault /his fault. Seek your family or friend or neighbor and seek a safe place snd far distance away from the abuser immediately please.

[go-4-legal]

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[dont-look-up-69]

[hats-by-cephes]

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[diaryofawifeinchaos]

A Wall of Silence

We haven't really spoken since Tuesday. I don't even know why. His boss is in town, so we went to dinner with him and his coworker. I thought it went well, overall. I didn't bring up anything too personal. My husband tapped my leg under the table once to signal I stop talking about something, but that was it. We drove his boss and coworker back to the hotel, and once they got out, he was silent. With the exception of telling me to do something, he has been since. I tried to break the silence. Multiple times I asked him to tell me why he was upset. Nothing.  We came home and he went to bed without me.  

He's working at the office this week, instead of home as usual. Tuesday morning, I helped him get ready - filled his water bottle, made breakfast, packed snacks. Everything was fine. He wanted to be there around 8am, so I made sure I was sure to be ready to drop him off. He got a DUI before our wedding a few months ago, and I've been his chauffeur while he doesn't have a license. We texted a few times through the day. I was excited because I got accepted into a freelance writing program and told him about it. Not surprisingly, he found ways to rain on my parade then criticized me for adding it to my LinkedIn profile. Before I picked him up at the end of the day, I had to stop at his doctor's office to pick up some documents. This made me about 10 minutes late to pick him up. He also got on me for the path I drove him to work in the morning, so I had to show him how complicated the path he chose was to drive home. His car might as well be a boat and it's too big for city streets. I nearly damaged it proving my point.

On the way home he shared with me that one of his boss's referred to my sister as "creepy." For context, my husband invited his employers to our wedding as a way to show off. My sister has a mental disability and felt like she connected with this woman and her husband. From what I was told, they texted back and forth a few weeks before his boss ghosted my sister entirely. My sister had a lot going on, thought she had a new friend to talk to, and shared some intimate details about her life with this woman. I didn't know she had ghosted and he already told me to get my sister to stop talking to his boss four months ago. He's convinced anyone in my family speaking to people he works with will jeopardize his job. Turns out they haven't spoken in six months. This woman got in my husband's head about my sister being bad news and how getting caught up with her would just get him in trouble. This led to an argument where I got the classic "I told you so"... even though this happened before I asked my sister to find other friends.

Once we got through that argument and I was able to convince him that his boss was in the wrong (who holds on to stuff like that for six months?), he informed me we were going out. I changed my clothes and tried to style my hair. I liked what I did with my hair, but he made it clear he didn't. "What do you think of your hair right now," he asked with a shit-eating grin.

"I can't do much with it, but I think it's okay. Why?"

"Okay, sure. If you like it then... let's go?"

"What's wrong with my hair? You should let me know if it looks bad. I don't want to look stupid."

"No, baby. You said you don't like being told what to do, so I am keeping my opinion to myself."

"Dude, just fix whatever it is. Otherwise I'll be thinking about it all night."

He proceeded to comb over my hair in what I can only describe as a "classic Karen do". Then he kept asking about the jacket I was wearing. His implication was that I purchased it without his knowledge. I actually bought it years ago from a company that no longer makes anything other than swimsuits. I had to prove it to him by showing the tag and the company website.

When we were leaving, I asked him to confirm the address we were picking up his boss from more than once. He then decided we should stop and get his boss a gift on the way. There were no gift shops along the way, and the one he wanted was ten minutes in the wrong direction. After we determined there wasn't enough time, I asked why we didn't get something sooner when he knew his boss was coming for weeks. He just said, "Because I'm dumb," and I told him that wasn't an appropriate answer. Once we arrived at the hotel, his boss informs him that we are not at the correct place and gave us the address I had asked for. I have become more bold in my confrontations with him so he can see his own behavior. I pointed out to my husband that if this had been the other way around, him driving and me giving directions, he would have been livid. I was annoyed, but not mad. Even so, he opted to minimize my feelings. As we were driving, he started a bizarre conversation with me. He asked, "What is your greatest life accomplishment to date?" I know he was baiting me to say something along the lines of being married to him, but I was still annoyed, so I gave an honest answer. 

"My greatest accomplishment is failing to kill myself."

He used this as an opportunity to open an entirely inappropriate conversation about my suicidal history, which ended with him calling my trauma "garbage." It was another reminder of how out of touch with mental health wellness he is. 

Once his boss was in the car, the conversation pivoted, and now we're back to the beginning of this story. The next morning, we had a brief conversation. He was annoyed I didn't repeat what I did the morning before. "What? No breakfast?"

"You didn't ask. Besides, I thought we were leaving an hour ago."

"Didn't you hear them talking at the table? I don't need to be in until 9."

"Sure, I heard them say they were going at 9, but you didn't confirm that you were going at 9. Last we discussed, you said, 'same time tomorrow.'"

From there, he grabbed a granola bar, and I drove him to work in silence. The only other time he spoke to me was when he text me to let me know he got a ride home from his coworker, and decided to order food. I had an evening workshop anyway. For the rest of the evening he was on the phone with a friend, whom he had me talk to, and then watched tv in our bedroom while I tried to sleep. I have been working to get up earlier in the morning, but he does things to try and sabotage my routine.

Today is day three of stonewalling. The only words he spoke were to confirm I was taking him to work this morning. I specifically didn't play music in hopes it would prompt him to say something. I have plans with my mother this evening. I'm sure he will either be in bed or drunk by the time I get home. This round is sitting in second place as far as time unspoken goes. First place is still the time he told me my time is not as valuable as his, which is why I should take care of all the chores in addition to my forty hour work week. That's a story for another day.

Keep shining,

D 

[digitaltechsblog]

Men Victims of Abuse. Save Men From Abuse and Domestic Violence || Meera Unplugged

#MenToo #MaleVictimsMatter #StopDomesticViolence #AbuseAgainstMen #SaveMenFromAbuse

[knoxvillerose-blog]

Domestic Violence Awareness.

- A little different vibe today for the Major/Minor Arcana #COTD

#domesticviolence #stopdomesticviolence #intuitivereadings #affirmations #tarot

The cards had this message today. 💜

[zillaoftheresistance-blog]

#WretchedMob Update - TickTock MFer #TimeToPay

My abusive ex husband, the deadbeat, has very little time left to pay what he legally owes or it will be #JailForJason! Don’t worry, Jason, I WILL take you down, as you deserve, but you won’t be going down alone… My abusive Ex Husband and his flying monkeys are ALL going to pay dearly If you like the things at AxZilla.com and want to help me out a lil so I can keep going & help others along…

[lhmprradio]

Both Women and Men can be victims of Domestic Violence  #DomesticViolence #DomesticViolenceSurvivor #StopDomesticViolence Music "A Blue Day" by Alejandro Magaña (A. M.) www.lhmprradio.com

[poison-path-less-traveled]

"Grant yourself the same kindness you give to others."