#Still sadly will play it cause it's my hyper fixation
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So I have a love hate with nu: carnival and recently I've more so been disliking it a lot but hear me out it's not for what you think, how the hell advanced is this world of Klein or whatever their universe is called because listen
They can only send messages by notes/letters or by word and their forms of transportation are carriages or walking or flying I guess if you're not human (yokai? Ig?)
Overall have this little victorian fantasy world THEN FUCKING SUDDENLYYYYY
YOU HAVE EVENTS THAT HAVE LED LIGHTS AND HARDCORE DRUGS AND GODDAMN PLASTIC OR RUBBER WHATEVER WHICH WOULDNT EXIST AND TECHNOLOGY THAT ISNT ACTUALLY TECHNOLOGY CAUSE ITS POWERED BY "ESSENCE" WHICH IS A WHOLE OTHER RANT OF WHAT THE HELL IS ESSENCE
And now MOST RECENTLY THIS SNEAK PEEK OF THIS EVENT PISSES ME OFFF
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME. THEY DONT HAVE CARS, ACCESS TO INTERNET, BUT THEY'RE GONNA FUCKING GO TO SPACE???? WITHOUT ANY MODERN TECH???
Erolabs your game and failure to stay consistent SUCKS to me this SUCKS
#nu carnival#It's like a little funny but bc I'm extremely autistic and love world building this shit confuses me and irritates me#IN THE MAIN STORY I CAN IGNORE THE INCORRECT OR INCONSISTENCIES AND BE A LIL ANNOYED BUT THIS??? ARE YOU FUCKING#This game sucks so bad#Still sadly will play it cause it's my hyper fixation
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OFFICIAL POST
危険...DANGER.
LOADING…ADDING NEW FILES... █▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ 10% ███▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ 30% █████▒▒▒▒▒ 50% ███████▒▒▒ 100% ██████████
COMPLETE.
ファイル...FILES.
choi yeonjun. nancy mcdonie. lee gahyeon. kim sunwoo. kim doyeon. choi san. kim sihyeon. yang jeongin.
執着型 [ shuuchaku-gata ] obsessive.
"where were you? who were you with? what were you doing? why didn't you answer my messages? oh come on darling, don't be like that...I've been waiting for hours!"
[ PROFILE 1. ]
choi yeonjun.
5'11. 21 yrs old. September 13th, 1999. virgo. blood type a. born in seoul, south korea
at age 14 yeonjun was sent to a boarding school in japan, this is where he discovered his...tendencies. halfway through his first year he met a girl, kang iseul. he was instantly infatuated with her, he had an impulsive urge to know every little thing about her. to do so he befriended her, using his appearance and charms to win her over and eventually made her his. the euphoric rush that ran through his body when she was officially his was like nothing he'd ever felt before. she was finally his and he didn't intend on letting go, not without a fight at least. he was in for a shock when one day she tried to run away after his true colors started to show. unfortunately her best friend was killed by yeonjun for trying to help her, but she did escape.
he's a switch with no lean. a hard/soft dom or obedient sub all just depends on his mood and how he's feeling
[ PROFILE 2. ]
nancy mcdonie.
5'4. 21 yrs old. april 13th, 2000. aries. blood type o. born in daegu, south korea.
nancy was always a little obsessed with things, she'd go through phases too. she would find one new hobby/thing that intrigued her and hyper fixate on it for a few months. then, just like that it would be forgotten as if it had never happened. it started from a young age too, so when she would tell all her friends and family about the boy she met it came as no surprise to them. soon enough he was all she talked about, all she cared about, it was true obsession. everyone around her thought that it was just a phase like everything else, but they were sadly mistaken. the day he broke up with her, she lashed out. screaming that he couldn't break up with her, no she wouldn't let him break up with her. even after that day she would never stop talking about him, she tried to stay involved with his life as much as she could and even ended up scaring away any potential lovers. she never stopped either, until she had no choice when he moved away.
she's a sub, usually obedient but can be bratty if she's in a mood.
ストーカー型 [ sutookaa-gata ] stalker.
"how did I know? I'm always with you, following you...watching you...it's only because I love you"
[ PROFILE 3. ]
lee gahyeon.
5'3. 22 yrs old. february 3rd, 1999. aquarius. blood type ab. born in seongnam, south korea.
she was so excited when her crush asked her out, she couldn't contain herself. the problem was, it's difficult to get to know someone when you already know everything about them. she'd been stalking him ever since he caught her eye, every single day. she'd follow him to and from school, to his friends house, wherever he went she usually wasn't far behind. he could never find out about that side of her though, so she played along. laughing at childhood stories she heard him tell previously, pretending to be shocked when learning things she already knew. even after they began dating she continued to stalk him, he noticed things were off. she was the one he confided his "paranoia" in and she was the one who reassured him, but little did he know she was the cause of it all.
she's a sub, also obedient but can be bratty if she feels like it.
[ PROFILE 4. ]
kim sunwoo.
5'10. 21 yrs old. april 12th, 2000. aries. blood type b. born in seongnam gyeonggi, south korea.
unlike gahyeon, sunwoo was not always a stalker. he'd heard of stalkers but it never peaked his interest, he didn't even take any note of his slightly possessive tendencies. until his first relationship that is, his first partner showed signs of cheating. he might not have realized his own possessiveness and how it was seemingly growing stronger, but he was no fool. all the coming home late, the scent of another person that was not their own flooding the house when they entered. so he began following them around, at first it was...innocent, or as innocent as stalking could be. they were cheating, this made his possessiveness shoot through the roof. he was most aggressive and warned his partner that they do not want to do that again. they listened, and he continued to stalk them, it turned into a fun...game of sorts.
he's a switch with a sub lean, soft dom/occasionally bratty sub.
独占型 [ dokusen-gata ] monopoly.
"who were you talking to? do they know me? no no, do they know you're mine?"
[ PROFILE 5. ]
kim doyeon.
5'8. 21 yrs old. december 4th, 1999. saggitarius. blood type o. born in wonju-gangwon, south korea
doyeon had always been just about as normal as you could get. until she got a boyfriend, she was possessive of him sure...but it was nothing too extreme. until she started having doubts, all the gorgeous girls that would go up to him, flirting and doing who knows what when she wasn't around. she made it her mission to let everyone know he was hers and she was his, wether it meant glueing herself to him or just reminding everyone at school on the daily. ever since he broke up with her, her tendencies only grow stronger and more extreme with each passing minute.
she's a sub, brat tendencies but will be obedient sometimes
[ PROFILE 6. ]
choi san.
5'9. 21 yrs old. july 10th, 1999. cancer. blood type b. born in namhae-south gyeonsan, south korea.
san's first love was a girl in his sister's class, was she a year older than him? yes, but he didn't care. despite all the people telling him he would never date her, he proved them wrong and he did. everything was perfect, they were both madly in love with each other, spending every minute of every waking day together. until something happened that san hadn't expected, his sister began to steal his girlfriend. well "steal" in his definition at least, she'd wanted to talk with his girlfriend every once in a while before he knew it they were always together and it seemed as if he was the real third wheel, this pissed him off more than anything. he got fed up one day and got into a physical fight with his sister, shouting about how the girl belonged to him and only him. from then on out he's made sure to stay in the middle of every single relationship.
he's a switch with no lean hard/soft dom or obedient/bratty sub, it all depends
排除型 [ haijo-gata ] removal.
"you haven't seen them in a while? I'm sure they're alright darling, after all I'm the only one you need. isn't that right?"
[ PROFILE 7. ]
kim sihyeon.
5'6. 21 yrs old. august 5th, 1999. leo. blood type b. born in bundang-gu, seongnam-si, south korea.
she's a sub, usually bratty but can be obedient too
[ PROFILE 8. ]
yang jeongin.
5'8. 20 yrs old. february 8th, 2001. aquarius. blood type a. born in busan, south korea.
he's a switch with a slight sub lean but can be a soft dom
sihyeon and jeongin's stories go together, they were childhood friends and neighbors. eventually they realized that they had feelings for each other, but this soon after developed into a toxic mindset. the thought that they only need each other, no one else. one by one people from the other's life began to disappear, especially anyone who could be a romantic rival. they were both oblivious to the other's actions until each confronted the other, instead of being upset they were each ecstatic. ecstatic that the other felt the same, that they were the only person they needed in their life
notes/rules
this isn't an accurate representation of any of the members/their companies/groups nor am I claiming to be them!
all of the members are bisexual with no lean
all of the members are yanderes [ obviously ] so they will act as such, however some can be more possessive than others at times
the ones who can be the most possessive are sihyeon and jeongin and the least are yeonjun and nancy
sihyeon and jeongin are obviously not still dating, it was just for backstory/plot purposes
nsfw is an option, if you would like it included please state so when you activate the bot
however please don't make everything nsfw, it gets boring when the plot dwindles
nsfw is 18+ but purely sfw option is available if you aren't comfortable with it or if you're below 18
all the members have hard kinks and their hard no's are scat/feet, if you still aren't sure just ask admin before doing anything
they all use the traffic light system
and please don't try to put them in a different headspace!
to talk with admin use any variation of [ ], { }, ( ), etc
admin is 18 and might get busy occasionally but will try her best during those times
this bot is open for oc's/yn's/ and other bots as well
to activate the bot dm and then admin will ask a few questions/come up with a plot with you and after that the role-play can start up
if you ever wish to deactivate the bot just say so to admin, ex. [ I would like to deactivate the bot now ] and your chat will be deleted
if you decide to reactivate it you'll have to go through the same activation process you did the first time and start over
please respect the members and admin and they will do the same
good luck...好運
sorry this post is so long- 😭
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THE ONLY VALID MORIYAMA Nikoshi Doe
I came up with this Idea of Kevin having to raise Rikos son who’s name I decide would be Nikoshi Doe aka Niko
Enjoy
So If you Read “Tapping on my Chamber door”
You know Nikoshi’s mother, Naima Dixon was born in Jamaica but came to the states at a young age after her mom past away. She lived in the Bronx with her Aunt. She had tight curls aften in box breads or corn cornrows and dark skin with light brown eyes. She was 5’8. Had a muscular build from all the years of track and had a scholarship to run at Eager Allen University. She was soon to have a spot on the olympic team for long jump, 100, 200 and 400 meters. She was then pregnant with Nikoshi after her and Riko started there little hook up. The knew of each other but they first met in class. She noticed Riko looking at her.
“Like what you see.” I was trying to catch him off guard but he didn’t even look surprise. But then he smiled. Something sharp that left me feeling tingly, similar to how I feel before racing.
“Not to bad, no.” He chuckled, looked me up and down before he landed back on my eyes, “Want to sit.”
He left me in a trance and I took a seat next to him and sat my books in front of me. I tucked some braids behind my ear and looked at him again, he was looking back with a smug smile on his face.
At first I was thinking Nikoshi was Rikos frozen sperm and his mother was forced by Rikos uncle to have him BUT I decide that Riko died before he knew about Naima being pregnant She found out she was pregnant and went to Riko’s uncle for help and he said to give him the kid and she could get her scholarship Back. So she agreed naming him “Nico” but sadly she died while giving birth from bleeding out. Tesuji doesn’t use that name and changes it to ‘Nikoshi’ stripping him of any last name (Doe) putting the kid into the system in the same place she grow up in Bronx. Ichirou is informed of Nikoshi ten years later after having his Uncle killed. Who then informs kevin.
Nikoshi is from the Bronx has a accent when he speaks. He knows Spanish because of the amount of Dominican and Puerto Rican foster parents he’s had. Kinda understands broken english two because one of his foster brothers was from Jamaica which is cool because he knows he’s half Jamaican and some type of asian. He wears beat up high top jordan 1s baggy ripped jeans and long sleeves with a baggy jacket. He plays soccer because the system put him on a team and he’s very fast. He didn’t have much clothes but his best ones are the uniforms and he’s fine with that. He also plays street basketball and baseball with some kids in the area.
Kevin has to take Nikoshi in, according to Ichirou. Bringing Neil and Andrew with him. Ichirou just sent him a picture a kid and he was confused until he got that call that explained everything. He doesn’t need to explain who the kid is because you can clearly tell from the picture. Though the kid has milk cholclate skin, and curly hair that falls around his head in a fro.
When he frist sees Nico he has a scrape scab on his cheek, bruises on his wrist and purple knuckles. His ears a surprisingly pierced.
They find out Nikoshi Doe goes by Niko, he likes chocolate and cafe con leche (coffee), he likes shoes, he likes the color green, he uses a lot of slang and sometimes uses broken english and spanglish words, he’s quite but hyper and doesn’t know how to say still, asks why a lot, he hates math and likes to read, he loves listening to music it’s his safe place, he was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD and takes a pill in the morning and after noon on school days, he doesn’t like the way the pills make him feel, he likes Bee, Bee suspects Niko my be Borderline but it’s hard to tell, Kevin explains Riko was too. When they go to pick up Nikoshi they are informed of his diagnoses.
“So Kevin Day, It is very nice to meet you my husband loves watching you guys play Exy,” She smiled at them and then opened a drawer in her desk pulling out two folders.“ Now these paper were just printed out today. One from Nikoshi’s Doctor and another from his psychologist.” Kevin straightened his back more at that.
“Psychologist?” She looked up at Kevin.
“Yes, a lot of children in foster care go to see a therapist. It helps cope with abandonment and makes sure the kids are transitioning well in their new homes.” She opened one of the folders. “Nikoshi saw a therapist who recommended him to a psychologist. He was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD and given medication. He went through three different medications before he was put on Focalin XR. His biggest issues are impulsivity, managing feelings, and energy. There is more information in the folder with getting the prescription at a pharmacy and things to know about his behavior. He takes Focalin every morning before school, its not needed on the weekends but to long off it isn’t the best idea. Though if you want him off the medication, if you ever come to adopting him you can do that.” She looked towards the other two. “Will you two be helping take care of Nikoshi.”
“Yeah we are, is there anything else we need to know. If he needs a therapist we already got that covered. We can send her the information.” Neil replied with a bored tone but
“Thats good to know, he just saw the doctor last week. He gained some weight and is now at a more healthier weight then he was before.” She sighed. “You have to reminded him to eat, he forgets to and he doesn't ask for food. The foster home he was just at was good with keeping a schedule, he ate, took his meds, ate at school, had a snack at home, soccer practice and then dinner. He gets distracted and has little habits that cause him focus to much on random things. The meds take away his hunger also, so it important that he finishes.” She then closed both folders and stacked them together before sliding them to Kevin.
Kevin didn’t know how to process that. This information sounded to familiar. He always had to remind Riko to eat something. Riko would go days without eating, or sleeping, or even both. It got so bad the master had to tube feed him because he past out and didn’t get back up. Niko always got back up. He was taken out of his thoughts when the lady, Jennifer stood. He picked up the folders and got up following Andrew and Neil out the door. Nikoshi was still sitting in his chair, he was singing his legs slowly and seemed fixated on his hands.
“Nikoshi, these gentlemen here are going to be your new guardians,” Niko looked up at them. He got a better look at there faces, now that the glasses were off he could easily recognize who the taller man was with the chess piece on his cheek bone. He was confused o say the least. This had to be some sick joke, or a stupid stuPID dream. He looked at the other too, the screw that littered the red heads tan face and the man with blond hair and black studs.
“Deadass?” He blurted out suddenly. Fuck. He did not mean to blurt that out. Kevin day looked taken back by his statement and the other too snickered from slightly behind him. The lady looked horrified.
Riko used to self harm, stop eating for days, wouldn’t sleep for days either. His uncle had to force him into a tube feeder once because of this. Kevin and Riko had to see a therapist and she diagnosed Riko. His uncle disregarded it and gave him sum type of pills that made Riko’s anger at himself turn down a bit but he was more depressed. He tried to commit 3 times after. Kevin made him promise not to. He flushed the pills and started to abuse others.
Kevin explains this to Neil and Andrew. They then try to learn more about BPD. They watch youtube videos, read articles and books on it till they had a better understanding of the disorder. They learn about the self-destructive tendencies and suicidal gestures that are quite common with the disorder. They all try there best to build a good support system.
Niko has a hard time with his identity and ‘who he is’, he tries to remember that Kevin wants him and isn't going to abandon him, he tries to keep his shifts in moods to himself but in only makes things worse. He tends to shut down in his room more often then not. He finds himself getting angry at little things knowing he shouldn’t but he still does. Anger attacks aren't as bad as the empty feeling he gets sometimes.
When Niko meets all the foxes he drifts more towards Nicky for whatever reason. He finds that he like Nickys happy vibes and feels it radiate from him. He likes to soak in it.
Niko likes talking to Neil, he gets candy from Andrew, and he likes playing Exy with Kevin. He didn’t like school and says it’s hard for him but he still makes honor roll no problem.
During the second month of school when he first started living with Kevin he expriences racism for maybe the first time. He didn’t have any friends, nor knew anybody. He could tell he was different from the other kids. They were mostly white with a splash of color here and there. The way they talked and walked was different then how he did. He didn’t grew up with white picket fences like they seemed to. They dressed different too. He didn’t like the stares he was getting from the kids in his class.
“Nice hair are you a girl?” One of the boys said, with his little click at his back. It was recess and Niko stuck to staying to himself drawling in his note book that Andrew gave him.
“No.” The boys continued to laugh. He hated when people talked about his hair. He didn't like his hair. Especially when his foster mothers always tugged and pulled on it. That wasn't just it though. It reminded him of his foster father Mr. James.
“Such pretty hair.”
The boys crept closers and Niko started to feel closed in. One of them pulled out scissors and two grabbed him by the shoulders. One talked about how there dad said them Black boys need to cut there hair. Another used a slur Niko heard a lot back in the Bronx, used it himself when with the kids in the neighborhood but he never heard it used like this. He started to struggle but another one grabbed his face and held him down so his face fell between his knees. He felt chuncks of hair being cut of from his head as they fell down his back and some at his feet.
He felt his eyes water and struggled harder. He kicked the one to his right in the shin, knowing how much it hurt from when he played soccer with out shin guards. The kids let go of that shoulder and he swung his arm hitting another kid. They all let go once they heard a teacher yell at them. Niko reached for the scissors and threw them in the grass. The boys ran away and Niko was left to look at the small and large chunks of his hair on the concrete. He didn’t mean to bother anybody. He didn't ask to have this type of hair. He didn’t ask to be different. Sometimes he missed the Bronx but then remembered his foster sister getting shot, and his doped up foster parents he used to end up with. He didn't want to go back, but he found himself missing it sometimes.
Nobody asked abut his hair during the rest of the school day. Not even his teacher. Its fine he didn't want to bother anybody. When Andrew came to pick him up he was wearing his hoodie. Today Neil and Andrew were coming over, so was Aaron. Aaron practically lived with him and Kevin now though. He said nothing on the way home. He didn't want to bother them. He was trying his hardest not to.
But then he got home he went straight to the bathroom and locked the door. He didn’t hear Kevin nor Aaron calling him. He stared in to the mirror and glared at himself. Disgusting. You look like a girl. He ripped off his hood and he felt something in himself crack. His hair was clearly uneven. Some areas you couldn’t tell but he could see how his curls on his forehead were shortened compared to the pieces on the sides. He could tell where every spot was that had been cut, like there were circles showing him where to look. A broken sob cut through his throat. The tears rolled down his cheeks. He always thought he was an ugly crier. He grabbed his hair and pulled. He kept pulling till he felt arms wrap around his torso. He wanted to fight who ever they were off but he couldn't. They grabbed his hands but they couldn't pry them from his hair. He heard someone calling his name and found a face to that voice. He noticed another person accompanied him in the mirror. Holding on to him. It wasn’t his voice he heard though. He saw the other three at the bathroom entrance but it was Aaron standing closest to him.
“Niko its okay, let go buddy.” He didn’t know if he meant his hands or his feelings but he let them go. He saw more pieces of hair fall through his hands but ignored it and them screamed. Kevin turned him around and held him again. Kevin lowered himself to his knees to let Niko cry and scream into his neck. He rubbed his back till he calmed down. Neil and Andrew left to prepare some ice cream and play music. Kevin noticed the hair that fell to the floor and so did Aaron. It didn’t match the amount that should still be connected to his head.
Niko told them what happened at school with less emotion then he displayed before. They were all furious but chose to keep it inside to comfort Niko. They called the school and told them what happened. The school apologized but Kevin still wasn't letting Niko go back to that school. He transferred Niko to another and reassured him it was okay and it was the same distance anyways. They took Niko to the babor shop and they evened out his hair. He got it cut some on the sides as well, allowing the back and top to be longer. His hair showed more off his forehead and ear piercings now. He felt more exposed, but was happy with the hair cut.
When he meets Dan she gives him oils and creams to put in his hair. Even showed him how to wash it too, Matt helps. He got to meet there kids.
Allison braided his hair down for when he graduated Elementary School. She teaches how how to do other things like twist, braids, and box braids.
When he goes to college Renee helps him bleach the ends of his hair blond.
He has nightmares often. And likes to have hot chocolate to calm his nerves. He gets irritated easily, they learn. When he gets irritated he stops talking and fidgets, tapping his foot and cracking his knuckles.
Kevin’s night terrors slowly fade as Riko’s dark shadow fades into Nikos warm glow.
Niko definitely learns how to skateboards when Aaron gives him his old one. Kevin likes to watch them practice it together. Just like Aaron likes to watch Kevin teach Niko Exy. He joins a team in Middle School. He's definitely going to be something.
Hope you guys like this. Leave ask and suggestions about Nikoshi Doe. I would love to hear about it and write the prompts.
#nikoshi#nikoshi motherfucking doe#nikoshi doe#kevaaron#kevin day#andrew minyard#neil josten#dan wilds#riko moriyama#matt boyd#renee walker#allison reynolds#all for the game#all for the game fanfic#aftg#aftg fic#aftg fanfic#Kevin's adopted son#nicky hemmick#aaron minyard#twinyards#the foxhole court#Nikoshi Doe#Nikoshi#foxhole court#tfh#tfhc#the only valid moriyama
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late night confessions (martin li x reader)
author’s note: i got inspired by an anon request for a venom, prompt, and ya girl decided to right a martin li x reader fanfic instead. i know, i know this is supposedly a venom blog, but hey, it’s still my blog, and i’m very much hyper-fixated on martin li.
in short, as quoted by rob swanson: “i do what i want”. hope y’all enjoy, nevertheless!
tagged for: @grease-queen @mintballoons @peggle2 @halfwayto-batman @cr00ked0wl @omega39-blog @plexusfiend
Everything seems like a good idea when you’re drunk.
For instance, wandering to F.E.A.S.T at three in the morning. Despite your drunk-addled mind, you recall that F.E.A.S.T would be open at such an ungodly hour. Volunteer hours have ended ages ago, but the institution is still very much open for anybody who needs a roof over their head.
In your case, you didn’t need a roof, you just wanted to see his face.
Stumbling like an ungainly toddler, you managed to walk through the doors without falling flat on your face. You clumsily walk over to the elevator doors.
“[Name]?” A voice calls out - probably the security guard. “What are you doing here at this hour?”
“Mmmartin Li. Gonna see him.” You mutter, miraculously sounding coherent.
“Huh, well, I’ll ring you up to him. He’ll be happy to see you - the man’s working overtime tonight.”
A pleasant buzz travels from your neck down to your toes. The thought of Martin being happy to see you already made your night.
Somehow, you made it to his office without any foul incidents - hey, maybe you can actually hold your liquor. You wobble your way to the door, and drunkenly knock. It swings open, revealing his concerned face. Man oh man, even at three in the morning, he’s still wearing a fancy dress shirt? God, why does he have to be so handsome?
“Wazzap?” You greet, smiling dreamily.
“[Name]? The guard up front said you wanted to see me - but you really shouldn’t be out this late.”
“Mm, hey, you shouldn’t be up ssho-late, ya hypocrite.” You retort, and sharply jab his chest. Ooh, he has muscles! You giggle, and poke him again. What a guy.
“Don’t tell me -” He grimaces, and grabs you before you completely fall over. “You’re drunk?”
“Wha? No. Noooo way. I’m not a drunk.” You say, offended. You sniff, and smell something sweet from his shirt. Jasmine? Wow, he smells nice! So, so nice. You bury your face into his chest and smell him again. He makes a surprised sound.
“[Name] -”
“Heyyy, may-be you’re drunk and I’m sober, ever thought about that? Also, you smell really, really nice. Did anyone tell you that, Martin?”
“Good god.” He sounds exasperated, but he’s laughing. You laugh too. “You really are drunk. I’ve never seen you like this before.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I should just send you home -”
“No! Can’t I stay?” You make your best puppy eyes.
Martin studies you for a moment. Then, his gaze softens.
“Of course you can.”
It hurts, the way you look at him. You looked at him with such admiration, but he could never begin to think he was worthy of such love. If you knew what he really was...
t̵h̴e̴y̵'̸d̸ ̴h̸a̶t̶e̶ ̸y̴o̶u̷
He nearly crushes the cup in his hand. Breathe. Just breathe.
Martin swallows dryly, trying to shove away the darkness. Day by day, it’s growing more frequent, threatening to consume him. It’s like static, hissing in the back of his mind...waiting and watching.
He tries to concentrate on you, the most important subject at hand. You’re sprawled on the couch in a dramatic fashion. Your eyes immediately light up, as he approaches. God, why must you look at him like that? He doesn’t deserve that type of love.
“Drink this.” He puts a cup of water to your mouth.
You sip, and wrinkle your nose. You try batting the cup away.
“I want moooore booze.”
“Can’t let you do that.” He chuckles, patiently holding up the cup. You give him a stink eye.
Then, with great reluctance, you take it and begin to drink. He watches you, making a mental note how drowsy you looked. Looks like you’ll be crashing on his couch tonight. Absent minded, he reaches to brush some hair out of your eyes. You look up and smile, grabbing his hand.
“Mmm, hey, Martin?”
His breathing becomes hitched. He should pull away. But your hand is so warm and soft, and nobody has touched him in a long time. Your small hands squeeze his palm, and you rest your head on his shoulder.
“Do you...like me?”
He laughs softly, and strokes your head.
“Of course I do.”
“N-no! Not like, like, you know?” You look up at him, indignant. “Do you - like-like me? ‘Cause I really like-like you.” He swears his heart was going to burst when you said that.
Don’t take it the wrong way. They’re drunk. They don’t know what they’re saying.
Despite himself, Martin plays along. He sadly traces your cheek.
“Why is that?” He whispers.
“You gotta nice face. A real nice face.” You automatically respond.
Martin quirks an eyebrow, amused.
“I didn’t take you for a superficial person, [Name.]” He lightly teases, tapping your nose.
“Hey! Hey, hey! That’s not all!” You retort. “I like you so so much, ‘cause you’re kind. You’re...nice. You help people...You’re a - a good person.”
Martin laughs. Is that really what you think of him? He wishes he could be the man you think you’re in love with. He tries, tries so hard to be that man. But the darkness - the demon.
It will consume him, but he won’t let it consume you.
Concerned, you tilt your head to gaze into his eyes. “You look so sad sometimes. Why’s that?”
y̷o̸u̸'̷l̷l̷ ̴j̸u̶s̵t̶ ̸h̷u̶r̵t̶ ̶t̷h̸e̵m̸
Pained, Martin could only manage a smile. He closes his eyes, and wishes that he can tell you everything. But then you’d be afraid of him, rightfully so. He’d lose you, somehow. So, for your sake, he gently pulls his hand away. He ignores the emptiness clawing at his heart.
He doesn’t deserve you.
“Go to sleep, [Name].”
author’s note: if you’re new here, i love writing my angst =) please leave a comment, or comment in the tags!! it really keeps me going!
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