#Steve doesn’t get bit at all and Eddie doesn’t understand what secret power he has

[morganbritton132]

Next week Nancy posts a tik tok of Eddie in one of these tents at the soccer game. He couldn’t handle all the bugs so he bought one of these and a fancy fan to keep him cool. She pans to Eddie who is just flipping off the camera

It builds up to the tent.

It first starts with Eddie posting a TikTok complaining about the mosquitos like, I thought we were killing this planet. Why are these fuckers out in droves?? Followed by another TikTok of Eddie shaming Steve after a game for not being sympathetic enough about the literal vampire attack he survived.

Steve, literally applying calamine lotion to his bites, “You’re fine.”

“They stole my blood!” Eddie exclaims. “Look how pale I am!”

“You’re always this pale.”

“I’ve been bitten less by bats.”

And you know what? Eddie was just going to suck it up. He was going to just sit there and endure in order to support his husband and his wildest jock endeavors, and not just because Nancy’s been roasting the shit out of him every Saturday for the last three weeks, but then. Then he got bit on the ass.

He has a mosquito bite on his ass. How???

So, he furiously drives to a sporting goods store and buys himself a little tent. He throws in a portable fan and even buys a new cooler, and it’s great. It’s 10/10, definitely improved the whole situation now that he’s not being eaten alive again. Nancy can laugh all she wants with her frizzy hair, he doesn’t care.

“POV,” Nancy says in a mockup of Eddie’s TikTok voice. He looks up from his phone and gives her the most unimpressed look. “When people think you’re a Satan-worshipping cult leader but in reality, you’re just a little bitch that can’t handle the outdoors.”

She looks away from the camera and smiles at him. Eddie doesn’t say anything, just flips her off.

Later, Nancy posts another TikTok of Robin talking about her game-winning goal. Meanwhile, in the background, Steve gives Eddie a kiss through the netting of his tent.

[steddieas-shegoes]

first off i just wanna say im loving everything youve written for ppls requests! how do u feel abt jock el? i feel like she maybe wouldnt understand sports at first and might struggle w the rules and fair play, but ends up really loving physical activity that has nothing to do w her powers, just her own hard work and sweat and skills she’s honed through practice all by herself, and the experience of being on a team. i can totally imagine her getting super competitive too, and being a super aggressive player in literally every sport. also, hopper is definitely the parent who yells at the referee and coaches during his kids games.

also i hope your day is going well whenever you see this!

Okay this was cuuuuuute. I really love the idea of El fitting in so well with sports people, but still never leaving her little group of nerds and badasses. I also love her just naturally being so good at every sport she tries because she is deeply in touch with what her body is capable of because of her powers, but never once using them. I maybe threw Wayne in a bit more than anyone would expect because I will always find a reason to do that. Also, this is a weird coincidence, but the Olympic swim trials for 2024 will take place in Indianapolis.- Mickala ❤️

-------------------------------------------------------

When things settle down, El goes back to school with everyone.

It’s hard at first. She never really fit in before, and she definitely doesn’t fit in now that people have seen official government security pretty much standing guard over her.

Even after they left, people still whispered when she ran errands with Joyce or Hop and went out with the rest of the party.

But she was determined to have as normal a life as she could, and that meant going to school.

High school here was better, even with the weird looks and silent bullies.

She had her friends.

She also had gym.

In California, she’d hated gym. She didn’t like getting dressed in front of everyone so she always got in trouble for taking too long. The girls in her class usually found ways to be lazy and she didn’t want to make herself more of an outcast, so she just didn’t participate most of the time.

But here, Lucas was in her gym class. So was Will, though he was a little hopeless when it came to anything beyond walking the mile.

Max was excused from gym for the rest of high school if she wanted.

Hard to argue with a letter from the literal President.

Mike and Dustin had a different period, but that was fine since they hated gym.

El didn’t hesitate to participate here.

She ran the fastest mile, always had the most push ups and pull ups, won every tetherball game. Her team always won volleyball and softball. She won every category in swimming.

The only sport she didn’t play was basketball, much to Steve’s disappointment and Lucas’ secret delight.

The coach recruited her for every sport he could, insisted that she could be the type of player that brings them championship wins.

Hopper was ecstatic, of course, especially when he saw how much El loved it.

She knew better than to use any powers, especially in competitions, but she was so naturally good, it didn’t even cross her mind that she could.

She was physically stronger than most other girls her age, and had already had so much done to her body that she could easily push through a little exhaustion during the 500 meter butterfly race or playing the entire soccer game with only one break.

She watched baseball games with Wayne and Hopper, asked if she could play.

Hopper had her signed up for softball the next day.

She saw a beach volleyball match during the Olympics and asked to play.

Hopper took her to tryouts for the school team as soon as he possibly could.

She made the swim team, made captain within a month. Steve was ecstatic, especially when she won against him every time they did a practice race. Eddie and Will were judges, and El was pretty sure it was just to see Steve shirtless, but she didn’t really mind.

She was having fun.

She was using her natural abilities to get out some of her aggression in a safe way according to Dustin.

Everyone came to her games and meets, but no one was as loud as her dad.

He was on his feet more than he was in his seat, usually pacing and yelling at refs and judges from the stands. Most people didn’t seem to care, or at least didn’t want to say anything to the reinstated police chief.

Steve was always there to remind him that El was learning, and that that was actually a penalty or that the judge was being fair on her tie with another girl in the butterfly.

Even as good as she was at just about every sport she tried, she struggled with some rules. Once they were explained in a way she understood, she was careful, but it cost her volleyball team a win in the process.

Steve helped her understand what he could, or took her to the library to look things up if he didn’t know. Wayne helped her understand the differences between softball and baseball while Eddie tried to take notes in the corner.

Actual notes.

“It’s so I know if she does good!” He explained when Wayne raised his brow at him showing interest in a sport.

To his credit, he immediately lost the notes he took and still had to ask Steve a bunch of questions at her next game.

She earned the MVP awards for every sport she played, gaining more positive attention than she’d expected. It was welcome, especially since it made a lot of people forget about the negative attention surrounding her the last few years.

Will designed shirts for everyone for her games and had Eddie get them printed at the same place he got the Hellfire Club ones made. They all wore them happily, too proud of her to not show all their support.

——————

Her senior year was when it hit that she had decisions to make.

She’d done fine in school; not straight A’s but never failed a class.

Sports are where she excelled.

But senior year was hard, and schedules were difficult enough without having to balance two sports at once immediately followed by two more.

The coaches did their best to offer accommodations since she was their star, but she didn’t like that. She didn’t want to be treated as “other.” That wasn’t why she did this.

So she dropped softball, much to Wayne’s heartbreak. He still smiled at her and said he was proud of everything she’d accomplished and hoped she’d still find time to come throw the ball with him.

She dropped volleyball in the spring, used the excuse that she needed to focus on swimming because she had scouts interested in giving her scholarships and the Olympic committee showed interest in recruiting her for Team USA.

Steve let her use his pool for extra practice, and usually joined her on the weekends for a morning swim, even on the still too cold mornings in February and March.

She held the Hawkins High and Indiana state records in most categories, and Midwest and National records in a few of those.

The olympic committee invited her to trials, and of course she’d enlisted Steve as her personal coach.

She trained for hours every day, Steve pushed her just enough using his new knowledge of the requirements she would have to meet to make the team and her competition.

She didn’t want everyone there, only Steve and Hopper.

She was worried having them there would put too much pressure on her and now wasn’t the time to perform poorly.

The morning of the trials, Steve let her cuddle up to his side on the couch.

“You’re ready.”

“That is not a question.”

“No, because I’m not asking. I know you’re ready,” he smiled when she rolled her eyes.

“I am ready.”

She was.

She outdid herself, actually. She ended up breaking her own record in her first event, and tied her own record in the second event.

She not only made the team, but was named captain almost immediately, the rest of her teammates incredibly excited to be on her team.

Hawkins had a parade for her, Hawkins High had a pep rally, the family had a huge party for her.

She still had to graduate high school, still competed on the high school swim team, even found time to be a lifeguard at the city pool every Friday and Saturday afternoon.

El had found her place.

—------------------------------

When USA won gold in every event for swimming, no one was surprised.

It’s hard to beat a team led by El.

She accepted a full ride scholarship to Purdue University, where she broke all their school records and got her degree in Physical Therapy so that she could work with athletes.

She competed in the Olympics again, winning gold in four events, silver in one.

But she always had her family there. They came from all over the country to watch, to support, wearing the same shirts that Will made years ago.

[wrennefer]

Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson fic recs

Personal recs based off of my own picky preferences. These are all bookmarked on my A03. Steddie is the OTP for all of these fics.

1) alone again, or It’s 1991 and Steve is still in Hawkins, still living with his mother, still single, and still working at Family Video. At least he’s the manager now, for whatever that’s worth. But he’s stuck here while Robin and Dustin and everyone else have moved away. Moved on.

Well, everyone except for Eddie. They're best friends, spend most of their time together, and it's nice to have a friend like that. But Steve is still looking for love with a capital "L". At least, he thinks he is.

2) stereoscope Here's Steve Harrington's biggest secret, though: It's not the alternate dimension brimming with monsters or the impossible girl with powers. It's the fact that he and Eddie Munson have been friends all along. In an on-and-off, tangential, fucked up kind of way. Never on his own terms. But still friends.

3) I'll hear you scream Eddie thinks he may well have pissed himself, and who can blame him? It hurts so fucking bad.

And then Eddie understands why. And that might just be the scariest thing that has ever happened to him.

Steve fucking Harrington is driving an actual real life sword into Eddie’s heart.

4) Some things cosmic Steve has a dream about Eddie.

And another. And another. And another... 5) What would they say if they ever knew? But then he sees Robin smiling around him, and he sees Eddie smiling, and he feels like he’s having heart palpitations. It’s obviously because of Robin, there’s no way a guy could ever make him feel this way (and he’s deeply repressing those times growing up, when play wrestling with Tommy H. would make him a bit flustered, he’s not thinking about the times in the locker rooms with his teammates where his eyes would linger just a fraction longer than they should—no, that never pops into his mind at any given moment, not at all).

OR, if Eddie was introduced in Season 3 instead of Season 4.

6) The one in which a time loop is fucking exhausting. It’s the first time in a while that he doesn’t know what comes next. He’s dove into the water hundreds of times. Screamed as his flesh was torn apart, heard Master of Puppets in the distance and held back tears. Felt Max’s cold, small hand in his as she laid in the hospital bed. There are things that always happen, no matter how hard he tries: El doesn’t arrive in time. Eddie dies. Max is put in a coma.

Steve fails. They lose.

“Steve. How many loops have you been through?”

His head is nodding, and his eyes are watery, and Eddie has approached him like a spooked animal.

“I lost count.”

AKA: The one where Steve Harrington is stuck in a time loop, and Eddie Munson is really fucking hard to save, or: fuck Volume 2, these bitches are in love.

7) Don't imagine you're too familiar When Robin finally gets to the hospital, there are two things immediately wrong.

One, is that she’s here several hours after she meant to be. The second is that Steve Harrington isn't in a hospital bed.

OR, several moments at Hawkins Memorial Hospital post-battle.

8) I'm odds and ends Steve Harrington had spent all of his high school years avoiding Eddie The Freak Munson at all costs. But now that Dustin Henderson has started Hawkins High, and joined the Hellfire Club, avoidance is quickly becoming impossible.

9) Nothing quite like this Wayne Munson does not like Steve Harrington. Hate was probably too strong word to use towards a boy barely out of teens and edging into manhood, but it was a close thing.

[merlin-wolfgang-trades-hale]

Trouble at Newark International

@halevetica xD a lil something. This might be my last big of fic I write for the rest of the month as I take a bit of a break from writing to relax and catch up on shows I’m behind on. But I can’t resist some JealousSteve

There was a time when Danny contemplated becoming a fireman like his father. It didn’t pan out exactly but that doesn’t mean he’s a stranger to the fire station. He’s constantly there hanging out with his old man when possible and befriending the firefighters there. 

He still keeps in touch with a few of them. A call here, a postcard there.

With Clara’s birthday coming up, Danny was excited about being back home and seeing everyone he once knew and ran with. The most exciting thing about his trip, however, was showing Steve around. Now that they were together, Danny wanted to take Steve home to ‘meet the family’. Steve’s met most of Danny’s family before but it was on the island, and though that was Danny’s home now, it felt important to show Steve New Jersey. 

Steve hasn’t seen Danny that excited about something in a long time, which made him excited too. 

All through the flight, Danny raved about old hangouts, people he hopes to see, things they gotta do. Steve listened and took it all very seriously. This was the first time he was heading to Jersey and it was officially as Danny’s boyfriend! For a family gathering! He was a little stressed but seeing Danny excited about going home was all Steve needed to feel calm. 

“Are both of your parents picking us up?” Steve asked as they waited for their bags at luggage claim. 

“Uh no. Mom’s doin’ something with Stella and dad had an appointment he couldn’t reschedule.” Danny replied. 

Steve frowned a bit, “So we’re gonna get a taxi then?” 

“No,” Danny answered with a smile. “Dad said he asked one of the guys at the station if they’d pick us up.”

“Oh! That’s nice. Do you know who?” Steve asked. 

“Uh, no. But it whoever it is, it’ll be awesome to see them again. And you’ll love them. Most of them are also hot-headed alpha males who love running into dangerous situations.” Danny teased. 

“Hey, your father’s a firefighter.” Steve reminded him. 

Danny was caught off guard, having walked right into that one. So he stuck his tongue out at Steve. Steve smirked as he leaned in and nipped at Danny’s tongue before pulling him in a bit of a make-out session.  

When they pulled apart, Danny playfully punched Steve’s chest, “Control yourself, you animal.” 

“You bring it out in me, baby,” Steve told him as he kissed Danny again.  

Danny pulled away when he saw his bags. “Wanna take this for me?” 

“Danny, I’m the guest. You take my bags.” 

They bantered a bit before they got both of their bags, since Danny’s was a suitcase with wheels they just placed Steve’s duffel on top. When they got through customs, Danny tried to see who was there to pick them up. 

Then he saw him. 

And so did Steve. 

It wasn’t an old, grey-haired, wrinkled retired firefighter who might come over to the Williams’ for a poker night as one of Eddie William’s friends. It was a guy around their age, Steve’s height, buff, and chiseled, charming smile, golden hair brushed to the side like a 1940’s soldier. He was holding up a beautifully calligraphed posted with Danny’s name on it, a bouquet of flowers, and something sort of chocolate box. 

His eyes lit up when he sees Danny and starts power-walking their way. Danny? Danny pulls the suitcase along until a foot away from the guy and tackles him into a hug. 

Steve’s a bit speechless that a conversation happens before he can act. 

“Oh my god! Why didn’t you tell me it was you dad asked to come to pick me up?” Danny asked.

The guy shrugged and said, “I wanted to surprise you. God, you look amazing. Like damn, Williams...like fine wine. Oh, these are for you.” 

Danny accepts the flowers and chocolates but before he could say anything else, Steve has his chest pressed firmly into Danny’s back, glaring at the guy with his toughest SEAL scare face he can muster. 

Danny looks up at Steve with a raised eyebrow before moving to the side so he wouldn’t be between the two of them and introduced Steve. “Kev, this is my boyfriend Steve.  We’re gonna play tourist for a few days while we visit for ma’s birthday. Steve, this is Kevin. He’s part of my dad’s fire fighting team.” 

Steve didn’t make a move to shake Kevin’s hand, and Kevin didn’t raise his hand to do it either. “Funny. Danny’s never mentioned you.” 

“Danny’s never mentioned you in his postcards either.” Kevin strikes back. 

Steve crossed his arms over his chest, flexing a bit to make himself seem bigger. 

“Guys...can we head home now, I’m really jet-lagged.” Danny deadpanned. 

“You’re probably busy, Danny and I can take a cab,” Steve said. 

“No way. Eddie asked me personally.” Kevin replied. “Come on, my truck’s in the garage. Here, let me get your bags.” Kevin said as he reached for them. 

“I got it!” Steve exclaimed, stepping between Kevin and the bags. He shouldered his duffel and grabbed Danny’s suitcase from the side handle to carry it. Despite it having wheels, but he felt like he had to show off his strength. He turned and hugged Danny to him with his free arm and glared at Kevin, who glared back. As they began to walk after Danny awkwardly cleared his throat, Steve grabbed the flowers from Danny and handed them to a random lady while saying, “Welcome to Jersey.” Even though she was clearly there waiting for someone herself. 

Danny stared at Steve incredulously but Steve didn’t give him a chance to yell at him there. 

~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh thank God you’re here!” Clara ran to hug them. 

Danny hugged her back, “Good to see you, ma.” 

Steve moved to hug her too. “Hi, Clara...what’s with the look?” 

“Edward said he sent Kevin to come to get you and I swore I’d be seeing you on TV.” 

Danny frowned, “What do you mean?” 

She rolled her eyes as she waved them inside. On their way in she explains, “It’s no secret to anyone that Kevin’s been crushing on you since you joined the academy, sweetheart.” 

“What?” Steve demanded. 

Then Clara gestured to Steve as if to prove a point, “Knowing how Steve was, and how Kevin could get, I was sure there would have been a huge...thing. But I’m glad both of you are here and okay.”

“Well we’re mostly okay,” Danny replied, giving Steve a look. 

Clara raised an eyebrow and looked at Steve with a matching look Danny had. Like mother, like son. “What happened?”

“Nothing!” 

“You call getting banned from Newark Liberty nothing? Steve, we’re going to have to go to New York to get home!” Danny exclaimed. 

“You got banned from the airport? Why?” Clara gasped. 

“Not forever! I’ll make a few calls and get it cleared up. And...I got into a fight.” Steve said dismissively, blushing a bit. 

“With Kevin?” Clara inquired. 

“He had it coming!” 

Danny sighed deeply but he gave Steve a break and spoke up. “He sort of did. Steve’s jealousy wasn’t unfounded. I introduced Steve as my boyfriend so Kevin should have stopped being so forward with me.” 

Steve smiled a bit and pulled Danny close by his hip, “Damn right.” 

Clara slapped Steve’s shoulder, “No cursing in my house. I’m glad you do stick up for my son, but try not to give him any more greys. Now go wash up, supper’s almost ready.” 

When Clara was out of ear-shot, he pulled Danny to the side. “You’re not mad are me, are you? I know I was defending your honor and all but...you’re no damsel. And jealousy has a fine line that can easily be cross from adorable trait to….bit of a red flag.”

Danny leaned up to kiss him. “I’m glad you can recognize that. And I am your boyfriend and another guy was heavily flirting with me so...I can understand. You could have let me keep the chocolate though.”

“I’ll make it up to you.” Steve promised and then looked mischievously upstairs, “I can’t wait to blow you in your old bedroom. We can roleplay and I’ll be your high school boyfriend you’re not allowed to see, but I sneak in through your window anyway…”

“Are you going to literally sneak in through my window?” Danny asked with a smirk. 

“If you want me to.” 

“Boys! Stop flirting and go wash up!”

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Man: Life Story #3 Thoughts

Since I was most anticipating this issue when I read it in the solicits, I read it in the store as soon as I got it. But I always meant to take a more careful look at it when I got the chance and try to break it down a bit more.

The tl:dr version of my thoughts are: This is possible the weakest issue so far.

Massive rant under the cut.

 As discussed before the perennial problem with this series is it’s muddled concept.

Is it a What If story and if so what exactly is the zag effect to where the canon zigged? Is it that Spidey ages in real time? Or that things happen more ‘realistically’ so you have a Watchmen scenario wherein real life social issues get addressed within a superhero context?

Is it an Elseworlds wherein the idea of a more ‘realistic’ worldview is the overlayed concept a top of the familiar canon?

Is it like what the Ultimate Universe was supposed to be according to some people wherin it’s a canon-free reimagining of the original stories free to take whatever liberties it desires for the new audience?

Well Life Story thus far has tried to be all of those things and winds up being none of them. This is quite aside from how it was originally marketed as a straight What If story, what if Spider-Man aged in real time.

But really this series is best described via the convoluted descriptor of:

“It’s a story where people who love and are familiar with the canon Spider-Man’s life can see how it would’ve been different if it happened in real time.

But also how it would’ve been different if the Marvel universe was more realistically wrapped up in social political issues of the different time period.

But also if it only really cared about the international military conflicts of those time periods and mostly uses all other social political issues as window dressing.

But also that realism mentioned above only goes as far as the writers decide it should go so the actual real life ramifications of superheroes involved in international military conflicts just don’t happen because Zdarsky says so.

And also those military conflicts only impact upon Spider-Man’s life directly whenever the story decides it should so half the time things are different because of the more ‘realistic’ warfare stuff and the other half of the time it’s different because it just is...not even because he’s aging in real time.

So yeah actually it’s also a what if Spider-Man’s life included all that stuff above but also things are randomly different from the canon for the sake of it, but the reader is still supposed to be surprised because they are familiar with the canon anyway.

Oh and what if also there are massive status quo changes between issues that randomly adhere and deviate from the canon on a whim and go unexplained”

 THAT apparently...is Spider-Man Life Story.

It’s a fucking mess at this point, I cannot understand the people who are praising it.

Let me get my ONE positive comment out of the way first.

Mark Bagley is just slaughtering the art on this story.

This is the best his art on Spider-Man has looked this decade and it’s up there with some of the best of his Spider-Man career.

I think it comes from him benefitting from modern inking and colouring like in Ultimate Spider-Man but he’s drawing something that isn’t as reimagined from the canon as USM. So consequently Spider-Man’s physique is more traditional (because Spider-Man wasn’t 15 when he began his career), Venom and the villains don’t have their Ultimate designs etc.

But the story...oh fuck the story.

The ONLY way any of this adds up in terms of story decisions is if you take it as Zdarsky’s fanfiction.

I respect fanfiction, but this is amateurish in it’s decisions and it says too much about Zdarsky’s view of Spider-Man or Spider-Man aging.

The story is so cynical about how Spider-Man aging would ruin him. the story is cynical about Spider-Man’s idealization of Mary Jane or the alleged toxicity of the Peter/MJ marriage.

Like I’ve said before he has an agenda when it comes to MJ and I think this is further proof.

Peter being Spider-Man fucks up her life big time, she suffers big time, it destroys their relationship and she lives in the shadow of Gwen.

When you consider this is supposed to on some level be a representation of the spirit of 1980s Spider-Man, or at least the stories it’s choosing to remix, it becomes utterly insulting.

This is a story remixing Kraven’s Last Hunt, a love letter to the Spider-Marriage if there ever was one, and it’s used in part to destroy their relationship.

Shit Gwen’s ghost is brought up as a bone of contention between them when it was in an 1980s story (drawn by Bagley no less) that it was clearly spelled out that Peter loves his WIFE Mary Jane more than his DEAD GIRLFRIEND Gwen Stacy.

Now I know the situation here is different because Peter was with Gwen for longer than in canon and longer even than his relationship with MJ in this universe. But the fact that it’s beating that same old drum speaks very much towards the idea that this is Zdarsky’s actual assessment of that love triangle. This is like something of the bygone days of BND and Slott’s era FFS.

The bullshit doesn’t stop there though because wouldn’t you believe it Peter and MJ have twins. Okay cool. And one is called Ben and the other is called...Claire...Claire? Who the fuck is Claire? We have 2 major AU Spider-Man stories where Peter and MJ name their first daughter after Aunt May and their second after Aunt Anna! Who the Hell is Claire?

That’s just the tip of the iceberg though.

There is so much stuff in this that as a what if or an elseworld’s story utterly fails and even stuff that simply doesn’t add up within the context of this story on it’s own terms.

·         So I guess...Vietnam ended...um...how? We already established that nonsensically Vietnam lasted longer than in the real world even though it should have ended earlier by rights. But now it’s just...over. How? How did that happen? I’m not saying it’s impossible but the story NEVER ADDRESSES this?

 ·         Captain America is clearly participating in Secret Wars in 1984, taking on Doom himself no less. We see little of his face but from what we do see he’s in uniform and also seems to still be in his prime. Huh? Captain America went rogue and fought against the United States for over 10 years in Vietnam! How does he still hold the rank of Captain America and how could he possibly still be seemingly in his prime by 1984 if he’s aging in real time? Think about it, he’s older than Spider-Man physically (forget that he’s from the 1940s). And Spider-Man is saying he’s getting slower in his old age in this story. So how the Hell is Cap (who’s powers don’t slow his aging and don’t give him Spidey’s power levels) still in his prime when he’s definitely in his 40s! It doesn’t make sense! It could all be explained a million ways because it’s the Marvel universe. The Beyonder could’ve addressed all of this but the problem is the story doesn’t. It just presents it as Steve Rogers betrayed America in 1967 and fought against them into 1977 then between then and 1984...went back to being the Captain America you knew and loved in the canon Secret Wars story

 ·         Doctor Octopus...is evil again. It was nonsensical enough that he was a good guy in issue #2 but now, with no explanation, he’s back to being evil. He doesn’t even seem to give a fuck that Aunt May is dying of dementia. That even highlights the stupidity of hookig them up in issue #2, Otto never actually romantically liked May, the age gap was massive!

 ��·         The story has Peter test his new costume to determine it’s a living organism and he decides to keep it because he’s getting older and wants to remain strong and relevant. Then MJ claims he’s addicted to it because he wears it a lot and then when he is buried alive by Kraven it goes to him and turns him into...Venom? There is a lot to unpack with this I need multiple points. But let’s just start with this. First of all technically the symbiote shouldn’t give you synthetic muscles as it does to Peter when it turns him into Venom. Venom had a lot of muscle because Eddie Brock was a body builder. But I won’t hold that against the story because that’s been a problem with Venom for decades now. Similarly I hate it, but I can forgive the symbiote turning Peter into a toothy Venom monster.

 ·         More significantly the implication of this story is that the costume is corruptive of Peter, making him addictive and then feeds off his anger, threatening to permantly turn him into a monster after he’s buried alive. Er....That’s not how that works. The symbiote wasn’t originally like that outside of cartoons and films. The symbiote didn’t even corrupt Eddie Brock, Brock was already sick and twisted. It’s status as a metaphor for substance abuse also didn’t come in until later and it wasn’t a factor for Peter’s personal relationship with it at all so what gives why is that in this story? Does Zdarsky think Spider-Man 1994 is canon or something?

 ·         Peter is using the symbiote sparingly and even puts it aside when he goes off web swinging before Kraven confronts him. yet we’re told he’s becoming addictive. There is little evidence of this, it could just as easily be Reed and MJ were being overly concerned. At best it’s a case of Zdarsky telling yet not showing. If Peter was truly addicted he’d have taken the suit with him.

 ·         Is the implication the suit is going to take him over when he became Venom? How does that add up? If he’s not been wearing it to avoid that how does it rescuing him from the grave = now it’s in danger of taking him over?

 ·         What is this nonsense about Peter needing the suit to remain relevant? The costume didn’t enhance his powers originally. The story isn’t even very clear on if it does that in this universe or not. They didn’t even bring up how the costume makes the wearer more durable, able to surviving being shot, which would’ve been pertinent in this tale

 ·         Why is Peter even getting weaker? He’s 37, that’s a little older than he is now in the comics

 ·         Moving on, there is this weird inconsistency where Reed asks Peter has figured out if an alien machine can nano-weld, implying Peter’s new costume is nano-tech. This would add up because he has Parker Industries in this universe and he had a nano-tech armour during that time period. Yet his outfit is still torn like cloth. How? In fact if he has nanotech armour why would he even need the symbiote?

 ·         This story confirms for us that because Reed felt responsible for Dr. Doom he pushed away his friends and family and this is a warning to Peter of what he might become, and indeed does by the end of the issue...what? How the hell does that add up. Why does Reed feel more responsible for Doom and how does this result in him pushing away his family? Because he’s aging in real time? Because of...Vietnam??????? it makes no sense

 ·         Why is Peter concerned about staying relevant to the point where he keeps a dangerous suit? In canon Tony Stark replicated the abilities of a symbiote with non-living Extremis Armour so Peter with his resources could probably make a symbiote suit that isn’t dangerous. More importantly if he has all these resources at his disposal couldn’t he either just in general make tech to help him out and compensate for his old age (Bruce Wayne has done this in different continuities) or just use his companies resources to help people out without being Spider-Man anyway?

 ·         In canon and RYV and the MC2 universe it’s made repeatedly clear that when Peter became a parent being Spider-Man would take a backseat. Yet in this universe he’s being Spider-Man MORE at the detriment of his wife, mother and children who’ve been devoid of his presence for an extended period of time. MJ is upset to the point of swearing when the issue opens. The story is so devoid of the love and affection between the pair that’s important to the mythos.

 ·         WTF is Peter’s problem about putting May in an old folks home? He did THAT in canon too IIRC in the Marv Wolfman run. Even if he had a problem with that he’s the head of a big company just HIRE people to look after her. He’s got the money for a high tech lab and nano-tech suits why is a carer for the elderly out of his price range. And isn’t MJ really rich after Harry and her split up? Why is this an issue?

 ·         How did Peter wind up with Parker Industries? In canon it was because Doc Ock founded it then manipulated things behind the scenes after Peter regained his body to make the place a success. In this story without explanation Peter just has it. But Peter is a bad businessman, having money from MJ wouldn’t mean he’d be able to successfully run a company he hasn’t the aptitude for that!

 ·         The nuclear strike is just....putting aside how cynical it is, how achingly it wants to be like Watchmen or DKR...are you honestly trying to tell me Russia’s access to superhumans never resulted in anything game changing in the world before now? There is a superhuman arms race happening but we didn’t bring it up until nearly 20 years after the first issue began and only in 1984 does anything bad happen?

 ·         The implication is actually that Russia having superheroes of their own is a recent innovation. This makes no sense as there were Russian super powered people in the 1960s, including Red Ghost who is the perpetrator of the nuclear strike in the issue

 ·         Wait, wait, wait. Russia launches nuclear missiles at the United States because there are less super humans there and this results in a town getting destroyed and...that’s it. That’s all that happens. Oh and Vision is sad and intangible.

 Are you fucking kidding me?

How does aging in real time or the existence of super humans = The stalemate of Mutually Assured Destruction isn’t a thing in this universe.

 I’m sorry to bust out the most rudimentary of 20th century history here but if America or Russia launched a nuclear strike at one another then it’d set of a chain reaction wherein everyone would launch their nukes and the most of life would be wiped out.

Zdarsky in this story displays a blisteringly ignorance of real life history to the point where it’s honestly insulting.

It’s insulting to people’s intelligence but also to the real life people who lived through the Cold War, frightened the world would end any day.

 ·         Oh boy. Now we come to Kraven. I actually re-read this the same day I finished off Hunted so I saw a really good homage to KLH back-to-back with a really bad one.

What is Kraven’s plan here?

I will grant Kraven’s plan in KLH technically speaking made no sense but we were presented his twisted perspective and it was from that perspective we were able to deduce he was viewing Spider-Man (and the world) with blinders on. And from that limited viewpoint his plan added up.

Seemingly kill Spidey. Bury him alive. Imitate him. Be a better Spider-Man than him. when he wakes up tell him he could’ve killed him and show him you are a better Spider-Man than him. Die in glorious victory, honour restored.

It’s crazy, but it makes sense from Kraven’s POV, so much so that when he killed himself real life readers took it to be glorifying suicide.

Here we don’t get Kraven’s perspective. Which wouldn’t be a problem as much if his plan and motives were the same.

But it they aren’t because in Life Story Kraven the Hunter imitates Spider-Man, drugs him and then buries him alive...because America is at war with Russia...and he has cancer...and he needs Spider-Man to be ‘beautiful’ which seemingly means...violent and probably prone to killing.

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I’m just....what?

The worst case scenario for this is that Zdarsky should never be allowed to write Kraven the Hunter ever because this so aggressively doesn’t seem to understand his character, his relationship with Spider-Man or Kraven’s Last Hunt.

The best case scenario, Zdarsky is a terrible writer and in his head is justifying Kraven’s actions via ‘he’s crazy so it doesn’t have to make sense so I can have the character do anything.’

Let’s unpack this.

So Kraven is imitating Spider-Man (poorly because he uses a rifle) before he buries Spider-Man alive because...um...I don’t know.

Because as with so much in this story, it’s never explained.

You’d think it’d be to draw out Spider-Man but no, that’s not it because Kraven just happens to apparently know where Spider-Man is and sneaks up on him (where the Hell was the Spider Sense?)

The he shoots at Spider-Man at very close range but Spider-Man dodges. That’d be the Spider-Man who’s so old now at age 37 he maybe needs a symbiote suit to compensate. Yeah that guy can still dodge a rifle at close range just fine...without the symbiote.

Oh but then his old age catches up with him because Kraven stabs him.

Let me repeat that.

The old man, with no super powers (as he wants to remind us) who is also dying of cancer is able to stab the much younger super fast and agile guy with a precognitive danger sense.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Do you see?

Do you see how bad this series is?

This would be inexcusable writing even if we weren’t comparing it to canon!

But we aren’t done. Because remember how I said Kraven is old and has no powers? Yeah...why is Kraven old and hasn’t got any powers?

Kraven’s powers 100% grant him super human strength, speed, agility, the usual package of super powers.

It’s nowhere close to Spider-Man’s power level no, but it is beyond human nevertheless.

And KLH itself established that Kraven’s jungle herbs and potions make retard his aging immensely. In fact as real life time elapses their abilities to do this grow greater since he was a not yet an adult at the time of the 1917 Russian Revolution but looked to be in his 30s circa 1987 when KLH was originally published. As time goes by KLH didn’t happen in 1987 but much later so Kraven seriously doesn’t age! It’s to the point where he was part of a 1950s Avengers team in canon.

I get that Zdarsky in his alternate universe can take the characters in different directions but you aren’t even getting the super powers of the super heroes and villains right here!

But it gets worse.

So Kraven is doing this because after so many years in America he regards it as his home?

Fuck...Off.

Kraven the Hunter would never  think that way. Kraven finds America’s ways decadent. He hates them because they lack the kind of jungle and animalistic honour he holds so dear. This is spelled out in the goddam story Zdarsky is homaging.

What? Is the implication Kraven’s cancer is affecting his brain thus making him a totally different person?

If pressed Kraven might choose America over Russia but only because ‘Mother Russia’ destroyed his family in the Russian Revolution. But I’m not convinced Kraven would take a side in general, so much as he’d regard it beneath him or just the law of the jungle playing out on a bigger scale.

But. It. Gets. Worse.

Kraven’s motivation in trying to make Spider-Man ‘beautiful’ again, into a warrior again is akin to Zdarsky gluing in a character from a story we’ve not been reading into this one.

When the Hell in this mini-series was it ever implied Spider-Man was a warrior, a killer, someone violent the way Kraven wants him to be?

It’s even stupider when you consider Kraven says America hasn’t got a real hero, i.e. a real warrior who is willing to kill and be violent because...Wolverine literally appears in this comic.

Hulk appears in this comic.

Captain America appears in this comics.

Iron Man appears in this comic

THOR appears in this comic. Thor, the Viking WARRIOR God!

What is he talking about!??????????

BUT. IT. GETS. WORSE!

Because Kraven after burying Spider-Man proceeds to go around continuing to impersonate Spider-Man (for some reason without his gun now).

Why?

In KLH it made sense.

But WTF is Kraven’s motive in pretending to be Spider-Man in this story at all?

Why was he doing it before and what is his motive in doing it after burying Spider-Man?

He isn’t trying to make himself superior to Spider-Man now.

Peter isn’t even mad ABOUT Kraven impersonating him (which he was in KLH) so Kraven wasn’t doing it to rile him up.

WHY?????????????

BUT IT GETS WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spider-Man only survives being buried alive because of the symbiote.

But Kraven couldn’t have known about that so his plan was either to

a)      Genuinely send Spider-Man out the way of a warrior...by drugging him and burying him alive to slowly suffocate...how noble...Or

b)      Burying him alive with the expectation he’d get out and be so angry he’d become a murderer and this would magically mean becoming old and weak wouldn’t be a problem any more.

*smashes head against desk*

·         Not to mention, a Venom empowered angry Spider-Man shoves the old, non-superpowered, dying of cancer Kraven’s head into a brick wall and...he’s fine. He’s not even dazed or bleeding.

 ·         What was the point of giving Kraven cancer? Like how does it make the story better? How does it at all play into anything? All I can think is that Zdarsky is weirdly planning on using it as a substitute for Eddie Brock’s cancer because he’s going to make Kraven Venom instead of Brock. Speaking of which

 ·         Apparently if Spider-Man ages in real time this would mean that Kraven the Hunter would become Venom instead of Eddie Brock one of Spider-Man’s most iconic villains ever. What?

 ·         Just to be clear this is a retelling of Spider-Man’s history where Eddie Brock isn’t Venom and where Kraven doesn’t kill himself. Way to ruin 2 iconic characters at once there Zdarsky

 ·         It’s implied a major part of what motivates MJ and Peter to break up (because again there is clearly  no agenda here at all) is that MJ had to risk possibly killing him with the sonic weapon when the symbiote sent him out of control.

 Okay, first of all Reed Richard had sonic weapons that could be rid of the symbiote without killing the host. The only way that could happen is if they were permanently bonded which Peter clearly wasn’t. So how comes with all his tech Peter invented a potentially lethal solution?

Second of all, he entrusts this to his...wife...and the mother of his children....um...Why not entrust it to an employee? Or Reed? Or Johnny?

Johnny is his best friend in the superhero community and his natural super powers give him an advantage against the symbiote. Reed already knows the risks and surely if Reed knows who he is then Johnny does too.

Or maybe Spider-Man ‘aging in real time’ results in Spider-Man and Johnny not being friends because...er...reasons. Seriously Peter is closer to Reed than Johnny in this continuity what the fuck.

Regardless, he’s entrusting a normal human woman with no combat skills to take down an out of control super powered being. And he’s entrusting she could bring herself to potentially kill  him as well.

Reed and Johnny might be friendly with him up to a point, but surely they’d find the prospect of killing him easier than Peter’s wife!

 My final point is this.

Maybe there is something coming to address this problem but we’re three issues in and I have to ask...what is the point of all the war stuff?

Spider-Man is a street level, personal story right? It’s about a normal guy, not a soldier. It’s about regular crime and social group tensions and romance and rent and smaller scale things like that.

So why is there such a focus in this story upon Vietnam, superheroes in Vietnam and the nuclear arms race with Russia?

Even Spider-man vs. Wolverine played things more low key than this.

This is a Spider-Man  story where a bona fide massive plot point is Russia nuking a town.

Just like...what is the point of this?

Why are we using a Spider-Man story about his life in real time to explore (badly) the horrors of war?

If you want to do that then actually finish the Spider-Nam mini-series!

Fuck this story!

P.S. Why were MJ and Peter casual about mentioning Spider-Man in front of Aunt May? Learning a bombshell like that could harm her health and in her state she could let something slip.

[365footballorg-blog]

These two are in, but who else makes Garth Crooks' team of the week?

Premier League champions Manchester City put six past Huddersfield, Brighton recorded another famous victory over Manchester United, and Chelsea edged a five-goal thriller at home to London rivals Arsenal.

Elsewhere, Harry Kane ended his August goal drought as Tottenham beat Fulham, and Everton’s summer signing Richarlison scored again in their win over Southampton.

Bournemouth and Watford continued their winning starts against West Ham and Burnley respectively, while Leicester bounced back from an opening-day defeat to beat Wolves, and Cardiff earned a first point of the campaign against Newcastle.

But who did enough to make my team of the week? Read my selections and then pick your own XI.

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Goalkeeper – Jordan Pickford

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Jordan Pickford: What a save it was by Jordan Pickford to deny Southampton striker Danny Ings. The Everton goalkeeper struggled to hold an initial shot from Cedric Soares, though it didn’t seem too hot to handle, but reacted brilliantly.

Afterwards, Saints boss Mark Hughes insisted the England keeper should have been sent off for his involvement in a 50-50 contest, which he won, though I can’t remember Hughes ever pulling out of such a tackle in his long, illustrious career.

I don’t know why he would expect Pickford to either. Poor show, Mark. Poor show.

Defenders – Shane Duffy, Steve Cook, Benjamin Mendy

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Shane Duffy: Last week, Brighton manager Chris Hughton was issuing verbal warnings to his players following their defeat at Watford. This week, the manager was full of praise for them. At the heart of Brighton’s victory over Manchester United was centre-back Shane Duffy.

The defender was outstanding, particularly having lost his accomplice Lewis Dunk through injury. Conversely, I don’t think I’ve seen Eric Bailly or Victor Lindelof play as badly in central defence as I did against the Seagulls.

How can Manchester United look so poor in such important positions at this stage of the season? It’s frightening.

Steve Cook: Loyalty and continuity seem to be the name of the game for Bournemouth manager Eddie Howe, which is why it is perfectly understandable he has stuck with Steve Cook – a Bournemouth player since their days in League One.

The centre-back’s presence terrified West Ham defender Angelo Ogbonna into using strong-arm tactics and, yet, he still could not stop the Cherries defender from getting his head to the ball and planting the winning goal.

I think it’s back to the drawing board for West Ham manager Manuel Pellegrini.

Benjamin Mendy: It is no coincidence that Benjamin Mendy’s return to first-team action with Manchester City is having a direct effect on Sergio Aguero’s scoring powers.

The full-back has a clear ability to get into advanced positions using his pace and power, while Aguero is benefiting from Mendy’s pinpoint crosses because they are delivered early.

There is nothing worse than a full-back who takes three touches to get control of the ball when one should be enough.

Midfielders – Gylfi Sigurdsson, David Silva, James Maddison, Marcos Alonso

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Gylfi Sigurdsson: Gylfi Sigurdsson didn’t set the world alight for Everton under Ronald Koeman and Sam Allardyce last season, after a big-money move to Goodison. However, this season – under Marco Silva – he might.

The Iceland international was outstanding against Southampton and, for me, the best player on the park. The position just behind the striker seems to bring the best out of Sigurdsson and, on this occasion, Everton as well.

I just hope Everton fans treat Silva better than they treated Allardyce.

David Silva: After watching Manchester City demolish Huddersfield at Etihad Stadium, orchestrated by David Silva, it left me in little doubt that back-to-back Premier League titles is seriously on.

Having seen Manchester United’s shambolic performance at Brighton, I think Liverpool are the only team who can stop City.

United boss Jose Mourinho can say Manchester City’s fly-on-the-wall documentary lacks class but City seem to ooze class with every move, and the classiest of them all is David Silva.

James Maddison: I didn’t see a lot of James Maddison in the Championship but I was impressed with his performance against Manchester United in the opening game of the season.

The midfielder seemed to get his reward a week later against Wolves with his first Premier League goal, though I was a bit perturbed by Jamie Vardy’s challenge on Matt Doherty.

Leicester manager Claude Puel claimed his centre-forward’s challenge, which resulted in Vardy receiving his marching orders, was merely over-enthusiastic. Please! Scoring a goal and waving your shirt over your head is over-enthusiastic. Going into a tackle at breakneck speed and making contact just below the opponent’s knee is reckless.

Marcos Alonso: This is a very different Chelsea under Maurizio Sarri than it was under Antonio Conte. For a start, the Blues played parts of the game as though they had forgotten how to defend.

It’s not that long ago that Chelsea had the best defensive record in the league and, with better finishing from Arsenal, the Gunners could have gone on to win this London derby.

Fortunately for Chelsea, Marcos Alonso was on hand to apply the finishing touch to a very entertaining football match. Last week, against Manchester City, I said Arsenal would do well to finish in the top six. This performance against Chelsea was much improved. In fact, they deserved a draw. But I’ve not changed my position.

Forwards – Callum Wilson, Sergio Aguero, Harry Kane

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Callum Wilson: Callum Wilson has scored on five separate occasions against West Ham and, after his latest performance against the Hammers, I can see why. The way he breezed past Fabian Balbuena and Pablo Zabaleta was scary from a Hammers perspective.

Pellegrini was so surprised, as he was disappointed, that West Ham fans left the stadium with 10 minutes to play. He does have a point. An awful lot can happen on a football field in 10 minutes – especially if the fans play their part.

That said, this was a rocky Hammers horror show.

Sergio Aguero: The Buenos Aires assassin is at it again. Sergio Aguero was at his deadly best against a Huddersfield side who looked outgunned, outclassed and left for dead in a 6-1 drubbing.

It also looks like the often combustible relationship between manager Pep Guardiola and the Argentina international is back to its best.

Aguero left the pitch to a standing ovation after scoring his 13th hat-trick for City. As he left the pitch, Guardiola sealed Aguero’s performance with a kiss. It doesn’t get better than that.

Harry Kane: So, Harry Kane has laid the August ghost to rest. Finally, Spurs fans do not need to bother themselves anymore with this utterly useless statistic.

To be brutally honest, Kane should have had a hat-trick but the goal he did score was so unbelievably glorious I didn’t care about the ones he missed.

Spurs are looking good again and that’s all that matters right now. Imagine what it will be like when the new stadium is ready.

Now it’s your turn

You’ve seen my picks this week. But who would you go for?

Pick your Team of the Week

Pick your XI from our list and share with your friends.

Select formationConfirm team

The Crooks of the matter…

Raheem Sterling’s excellent finish against Arsenal last week opened up an interesting debate.

The Manchester City star was greeted throughout the match with boos and jeers, a feature that has followed the young man’s career since his audacious departure from Liverpool, and it prompted my dear friend and BBC colleague Ian Wright to ask the question ‘why?’

I’ve met Raheem and interviewed him on a number of occasions for Football Focus and, I must say, I haven’t met many young men who have impressed me quite as much.

Apart from his polite demeanour and welcoming smile, he possesses the same steeliness I saw in Cristiano Ronaldo as an 18-year-old.

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Both men have been subjected to extraordinary abuse from fans over the years, and much of that vitriol has been fuelled by many factors. I remember in 1998 when Diego Simeone did just enough to provoke David Beckham to react and get sent off against Argentina. England went out of the World Cup because of their inability to take penalties – and not because the captain was sent off. Beckham, nevertheless, carried the can.

The abuse that followed the Manchester United star was outrageous. Similar punishment was meted out during John Terry’s long and distinguished career at Chelsea. The point is that football fans, as long as I can remember, have always harboured a figure of hate. Someone to scream and shout at and others to love and to hate. It’s what defines us.

I was prompted by how love can so quickly turn to hate in football when I recently met Sol Campbell. I had the pleasure of sharing a few moments with this soccer giant at Stamford Bridge, shortly before Chelsea took on Arsenal. Without doubt one of the best defenders this country has produced, he was subjected to the most awful abuse by Spurs fans when he left for Arsenal in the summer of 2001.

I remember Sol being bemused by the sheer intensity of their venom – however the period was best described by a Tottenham fan when he said: “We hate him so much because we loved him so much.”

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And that is the point. Hate, in football, can so often be wrapped up in secret admiration of a player or a team.

What Sterling should do is take the abuse he is receiving as an enormous compliment.

Firstly, it won’t last and, secondly, only the very best players – with the odd exception – ever receive such attention.

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These two are in, but who else makes Garth Crooks' team of the week? was originally published on 365 Football