#Steve Harrington angst anyone?

[kotomori]

Okay here's another one! (Steddie Parallels to Lumax in season 2 after the party finally manage to convince Steve to join a Hellfire campaign. This parallel comes from the scenes where the party (Mike) continuously ostracize Max from joining their gang despite claiming they want her to join) TW: This ones kinda angsty....might do a part 2 ;)

Despite all of his complaints and utmost refusals to ever actually play Dustin's nerdy Dungeons and Dragons game, Steve was, much to his own disbelief, pleasantly surprised when the Dungeon Master/newly cleared Eddie Munson 'formally invited' him to tag along for their next session.

Steve liked to believe that he and Eddie had become good friends ever since the whole Vecna/End of the world thing. They hung out pretty often now that he and his uncle had been given a new place to live as a sorta 'Sorry your town tried to hunt you for sport after accusing you of mass murder/keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you', kind of deal. It had been a tad awkward to be around eachother with nobody else the first couple of times yet as the weeks went by, Steve was about as comfortable opening up to the guy as he was to Robin. Almost. Robin would always be his number one. But if Eddie had shown him anything over the last few months or so since the first time he came over to his place, it was that he would never look down on anybody for being different. Hence why Steve found it easy to be so vulnerable with him. Eddie was a damn good listener and while not exactly one for giving advice, he always seemed to know how to make him feel calmer. Steve would try to do the same, resulting in a pretty solid bond between the two polar opposites. That label reminding Steve of the phrase 'Opposites attract' which after many long insightful conversations with Robin led Steve to believing that it was true. It wasnt as though he wasnt aware that what he felt for Eddie was a little more than a normal friendship and he knew what being attracted to another person felt like. Hell, Eddie wasnt even the first guy he'd had a crush on. Yet there was never another guy in Steve's life that had ever made him feel so accepted that he allowed attraction to develop into a full blown crush. He liked Eddie. He really did.

So when Eddie invited him to tag along for his latest campaign, not the first since he was released from the hospital but the first since Will and El had officially moved back to Hawkins, Steve found himself actually wanting to go. It sounded like fun with everyone being there. Yet the meaning behind the word 'everyone' suddenly made him hesitate. Everyone would involve not only the kids, himself, Robin, Johnathan, Nancy and Argyle. It also meant that the rest of the Hellfire club, Eddie's friends would also be there too. And it didn't take a genius to work out that they wouldn't really be happy with former jock King Steve hanging out with the nerds, if Eddie had told them at all. Why else would he have refused back before Spring break when Dustin called him asking him to sub for Lucas? Well....aside from the fact that there was no way he was missing Lucas's championship game after all the practice they'd put in during the semester. He was damn proud of that kid. And he wanted to show him that he supported him. He'd been so invested that he'd hardly said two words to his date all night.

Eddie had told him that he didn't have to play, that he was fine to sit with Robin and the rest of the crew and watch. They'd been playing in the Wheeler's basement since the club had been banned from the school, hence why Nancy was there to greet him when he knocked on the door with Robin at his side. Her sunny smile at the sight of him did alot to warm the chill of his anxiety.

That was another thing that he couldn't regret about what happened over spring break. Following their first bout with Vecna, he and Nancy finally had the chance to properly talk about what happened between them and while he may have regretted coming on as strong as he did, nothing would make him regret the friendship he had with her now. If anything they were closer to eachother now than when they were dating. It felt good to be allowed to love her again, even if it was a different kind of love than before. She had also apologised for the way things ended between them and she had grown alot since then. Steve had tried to tell her she didn't need to apologise, which Nancy had fiercely disagreed with, telling him that no matter what she was going through he never deserved to be treated like that. At the time Steve hadn't felt like there was anything to forgive, but she had looked so relieved when he told her he did. It had made him think alot about who he used to be, how much he had suffered as a result, how much he felt like he deserved most of it. But as Nancy, Eddie and Robin, most of the group would vehemently remind him, they saw him as a good person deserving of good things. Steve was really trying to believe that himself.

Nancy led them down to the basement, laughing lightly at something he said on the way down before he was faced with the rest of the group. Everyone else was already there. Dustin, Lucas, Will and El all rushing to give him a hug while Mike as someone not overly keen on physical affection gave him a half smile and wave. Max greeted him from the corner where she was sitting in her wheelchair, gesturing for him and Robin to come and sit on the empty seats on either side of her. Steve smiled impossibly wide as he and Robin followed the redhead's orders, forgetting for all of a few seconds why he was so worried. Then that chill in his spine returned with a vengeance when his eyes landed on the no so concealed glares Eddie's friends were casting his way whilst the man himself seemed blissfully unaware, shooting Steve a soft smile that Robin had not so helpfully dubbed as his Steve smile. It put him a little more at ease in any case as he smiled back. Within the next few minutes the campaign began, prompting Eddie to slide right into his alter ego of Dungeon Master Extraordinaire.

It didn't escape his notice when he caught one of them, Gareth? He'd never really actually met any of them before tonight but he'd heard Eddie talk about them plenty. Anyhow, Steve watched as the younger teen's eyes remained fixed on him as he leaned over to his friend sitting next to him, Steve knew his name was Jeff, to whisper something in his ear. The other boy's eyes flickered back to him for a millisecond before looking away and releasing a snicker. Steve's anxiety came crashing down on him once more, worsening the longer the game continued as the rest of the group seemed fully invested in their game. Their other friend, Steve was sure his name was Grant, was sitting the second closest to Eddie with Will being the only one between the two. Steve wasnt sure how much time had passed since he realised that the three had been whispering to eachother and sniggering about him, but just before the club decided to stop for a break, Grant muttered something towards the other two boys. Steve obviously couldn't hear it being as far away as he was, but it seemed that whatever it was Will had caught the jist of it if the look of surprise followed by the guilty look he sent towards Steve was anything to go by. Ever the one to keep a close eye on his brother, Johnathan seemed to notice Will's sudden change in demeanor too, turning a suspicious glance to the Hellfire boys before looking back to Will, the two seeming to have a silent conversation with eachother from across the room. Steve tried to wave it off with a smile when Will looked back at him but the upset frown remained fixed on the boy's face. It looked as though El had also caught on that something was wrong, looking at her brother curiously as though she was trying to read his mind.

It set off a chain reaction with the rest of the kids as Max and Mike noticed something was wrong with El, causing Lucas to notice Max, and Erica and Dustin catching on to the tension that had made it's way into the room. The moment Eddie called for a break, it appeared as though he had also noticed their seven youngest members weren't really paying a great deal of attention. Will practically leapt to his feet claiming he was going to grab something to drink. El was quick to follow after him with Mike in tow. Johnathan paused for a moment before following them as well. Steve's stomach clenched with the realisation that Will was likely going to tell them both what he'd heard. Argyle seemed to take Jonathan's absence as a reason to come and take Robin's chair as she excused herself to go upstairs and get a drink with Nancy. Steve tried to listen to whatever it was the man was saying, he really did though he was clearly already high enough for him and Johnathan as he continued saying whatever was on his mind. Steve could still feel the three pairs of eyes still burning into his skull as he continued to ignore them. They didn't like him. Whatever. They didn't need to act like children about it. The better question on Steve's mind was how the hell Eddie hadn't noticed what they were doing. Should he say something? Maybe go over and break the ice. Let them know he wanted to make an effort to know Eddie's friends. That he wasn't the same person he used to be, if he was ever really that person.

"So, Stevie. How are you enjoying your first encounter into the satanic nightmare that is DnD?" Eddie piped up startling the man in question.

It was sat that moment that Steve realised he hadn't said a word since they had started. His mind drew a blank at the question, not anticipating for anyone here to actually talk to him until the had to drop them off at home. He knew first hand how seriously his children took this game.

Shit. Eddie was still waiting for an answer.

"Its good." He replied a little too quickly. "I-Its really cool."

Not his most eloquent response, he knew. But still, who could blame him for not paying attention when the force of the stares he was receiving was making him feel like his head was about to explode!

It seemed that whatever he said was the wrong thing to say from the way the smile slipped from Eddie's face.

"You know if it's really not your thing, you don't have to stay for the rest. We're probably gonna call it soon anyway, looks like your children aren't really invested either."

Shit he sounded upset. What did he say? What could he have done wrong? He was just sitting here.

"No-No! It's not that, its-" Steve started to say until the sound of one of the boys snorting at any attempt he made plucked on his nerves. Eddie glanced at Gareth confused as the rest of the party glared at him.

"Something funny?" Max bit at the boy causing him to promptly wipe the grin off his face.

The rest of the group started filing back in. Jonathan was the first back in the room, footsteps heavy against the wooden stairs, almost angry sounding. That was nothing compared to the cold expression on his face aimed solely at the three boys that had been making fun of Steve all night.

"Woah! Byers, man! Wheres the fire?" Argyle asked catching on to Jonathan's bad mood almost immediately. The man said nothing but gestured for Argyle to scooch back over to his seat as Robin and Nancy came back down the stairs with the same tension filled entrance. Robin took her seat back next to Max crossing her arms over her chest and shooting daggers at the three with the same intensity they'd been giving him since they arrived here causing them to wither under her gaze as any human would. Steve swallowed thickly suddenly feeling very put on the spot. It was pretty safe to say that Will had told them what he heard. Case in point, Mike and El came down th stairs hand in hand with Will behind them almost as though they were creating a barrier as he pointedly refused to look anywhere but his feet. Meanwhile Nancy grabbed hold of her chair that was previously placed beside Johnathan and dragged it over next to Steve, who looked over at Johnathan questionably. The younger man merely met his eye before nodding at him. Steve looked over at Eddie, who was following her every move as his frown drew deeper and deeper right until she sat down next to him.

"Are you okay?" Nancy asked him placing her hand delicately over his. It was a simple question. One that would've been much easier to answer if he wasn't painfully aware of the fact that Eddie was staring at him. No. He wasnt okay. He felt completely out of place. He was uncomfortable. The only reason hed agreed to come here was looking at him like he'd ran over his dog for some reason and he could feel people whispering about him all over the room. He just wanted to go home.

He watched as Eddie looked a little further to his right and followed his gaze to land on Robin, who's eyes quickly locked onto Eddie's. It looked as though they were trying to communicate something to eachother with Eddie's pointed look of hurt before Robin shook her head. Steve was just about reaching the end of his patience. Why wouldn't someone please tell him what he had done wrong?

But then one of the boys mumbled something else under his breath which then prompted the other two to snicker loudly. He could tell from how quickly he turned his head that Eddie had heard whatever they said. By this point El, Max and Erica looked as though they wanted to blow their heads up with how hard they were glaring at them. But then Steve looked at the four boys sitting around the table with the other members of Hellfire and, Oh God, every single one of them looked betrayed, pissed off and hurt.

But then he looked back at Eddie. There was no way he hadn't heard what they just said. He needed to see what he would do about it. His already plummeting hope was rapidly sinking lower and lower the longer it took the man to react. He watched as Eddie's eyes wandered back over to him and Nancy, right to the point where her hand was resting on top of his and then...

He smirked.

Hell he looked like he was trying not to laugh right along with them.

And fuck if that didn't sting.

But with how shitty this night had made him feel, Steve didn't even have it in him to process how hurt he was.

He was pissed.

Scoffing loudly Steve launched himself out of his chair almost toppling it over in the process.

"Seriously?!" He yelled, voice cracking at the last syllable.

And just like that, any trace of contempt was erased from Eddie's face, turning swiftly into shock.

"Steve-" Robin reached out to him but he quickly brushed her off.

"Screw this. I'll be in the car." And with that he stormed out of the basement.

It was only then that the three who started all this became all too aware of the death glares being shot at them from all directions.

"What the hell is wrong with you guys?!" Dustin exclaimed, sending a particularly wounded look at Eddie, whom had gone from smug in the sense of hiding his jealousy to remorseful in a matter of seconds as he quickly realised his mistake.

He barely paid any mind to the question however as he quickly shot up from his seat and ran after Steve. The man was already halfway up the street heading towards his car when Eddie spotted him.

"Steve!" Eddie called out to him.

The younger man didn't stop walking to his call as he spoke without looking back.

"Leave me alone, Munson. I've had my fair share of playground insults for one day."

Munson. Not Eds or Eddie. Back to Munson because of one stupid mistake.

"Steve, please just hear me out, man. I'm so-"

"Why the hell should I? Are you gonna pull my pigtails now too?" Steve cut him off, finally stopping to look at him.

"Steve-" Eddie tried again.

"I thought you wanted me to play your game! I thought you wanted me in your group! God I can't believe I fell for that." Steve cackled. "Did you even tell your band I was coming tonight?"

"Of course I did. But...Gareth, Jeff, Grant, they're weird about this kinda thing. It's just their way of being protective."

Steve barked an incredulous laugh, "Yeah, that's one word for it."

Eddie sighed, "Steve, you don't understand-"

"No, you're right, Eddie! I don't! I've been sitting there all night while this has been going on. It's been miserable. You invite me to watch you play your game the you all start whispering and giggling and talking shit like we're in the seventh grade or some shit! I don't need that kind of bullshit, Eddie!"

Eddie fumbled for words for a moment before replying, "They're just not used to it, you know. I've never had a friend like you before. They just want to make sure that..." Eddie quickly cut himself off before he said the wrong thing.

"That what?" Steve asked brokenly. And, oh...there it was. The look of complete hopelessness. The glassy tint to his eyes was a kick straight to Eddie's ribcage.

"That what, Eddie? That I'm not gonna hurt you? Lure you into a false sense of security and then jump you? After all we went through back there, all we're still going through, you can't even bring yourself to tell them that won't happen? Why? Because I played sports in high school suddenly that means I'm as bad as Jason Carver and all those other assholes? Is it because of who I used to be? Or is it because you all still think I am that person?"

Eddie winced as he was reminded of the gruesome fate he'd been told Jason received for all the shit he caused all those months ago.

"Steve.....Steve, no that's not true! I...." Why the hell was it so hard to get his words out? Why couldn't he say exactly what he wanted to say? Why was it so hard for him to tell Steve the very thing he'd wanted to tell him for months? He knew exactly what he wanted to say to Steve, what he wanted to do and be with him. But everytime it looked as though they were getting somewhere, something had to go and crash right through it. Tonight along with his friends, the fault lied with his own jealousy.

Steve laughed wetly under his breath.

"See? You can't even say it. I know that for some people my past will never die. Somehow the asshole I was will always find his way back to the surface for the people I've hurt no matter how deep I bury him. King Steve, mister funny, mister cool, grade A douchebag who peaked in high school, doomed to spend the rest of his life working dead end jobs and forcing himself through loveless relationships pointless in the inevitable truth he's destined to be alone. Because God forbid he ever tries and change so that he feels a little more like a human and less like a dead shell of a man so that he doesn't end up back in that box his parents tried so damn hard to place him in before they just gave up and left without a word mere months before the literal earth started collapsing beneath his feet!"

Throughout his outburst, Steve let the unshed tears fall, unless he merely hadn't bothered to notice them. He couldn't look at Eddie anymore. He didn't want to see the look of pity he was almost certainly giving him right now. If hed only looked back, he would've seen how wrong he was.

"Stevie...." Eddie whispered brokenly, making one final attempt to reach for him.

"Just! Just forget it. Okay? It was stupid of me to think that I could be something I'm not. Why did I even bother?" Steve turned away, getting into his car and closing the door. In a split second, Eddie was bypassed by Robin and not really to his surprise, Lucas and Erica. The two siblings didn't say a word to him as they climbed into the back seats of Steve's car. Steve waited for another moment, probably waiting to see if anyone else needed a lift before starting the car and driving away.

Eddie wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there but by the time he turned to go back into the Wheeler house, Steve's car was long out of sight. He just wanted to grab his shit and leave. He didn't care if he left something behind. He just wanted to leave.

Yet by the time he got back to the basement, it didn't look as though he would be getting his way anytime soon. Dustin was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs, eyes hard and arms crossed over his chest. The only others remaining besides the two who actually lived there were the ones he was supposed to be driving home, Gareth, Jeff, Grant, and Max. Nancy was sitting beside the redhead now. It was only then that he noticed said three boys sitting at the table looking thoroughly chastised and honestly a little scared.

"Eddie," Dustin began, his pained expression from earlier gone, now something much more serious.

"I think we need to talk about Steve."

[libraryofgage]

Been having Secretly Smart Steve thoughts except it's less that his intellect is a secret and more that nobody ever noticed lmao

The initial thought for this is based on my mom's stories about acting like a ditzy airhead in high school but then graduating with honors

Within five minutes of walking into high school Steve definitely clocked that being cool was more important than being smart right? So he didn't really let on that he was good at class stuff and just let people think he was a simple jock

And Steve graduating isn't a huge thing cuz it happens during UD stuff which means they all miss graduation ceremony and just get their degrees later, so it's not like anyone saw the honors tassels that steve was given to wear with his grad gown

And the first real hint is Lucas trying to make a basket and getting frustrated. And Steve is like "here I'll show you" and proceeds to make every throw he makes from anywhere on the court and when Lucas asks how the fuck he does that Steve shrugs and is like "well, i mean, its all angles man"

Later Mike and Will are working on an egg drop project (you know the ones) and getting worked up cuz the eggs keep cracking. Steve has been watching TV or something the whole time and outta nowhere is like "yall are missing shock absorption and proper wind resistance, duh"

Nancy is trying to decode some number based cipher for fun but it's becoming rapidly Not Fun and Steve looks over her shoulder for like two seconds and goes "group the numbers into twos, subtract 18 from each, and then it's the alphabet letter based on the number" and then just walks off

Dustin is taking an engineering class and is having trouble building a bridge cuz it keeps collapsing when he sends a hot wheels car over it. Steve tells him he needs more load-bearing beams and to distribute the weight evenly and Dustin is surprised when it works

And, of course, Eddie sees all of this so one day when Max or Erica ask for help with some geometry homework he takes the worksheet they give him and immediately passes it along to Steve, waves off their disbelief, and sits all smug while Steve explains concepts they'd been missing entirely

[stevebabey]

part one here. ze part two to touch-starved stevie that absolutely no one requested hehe <3 but i gots to let my boys have a wee kiss :")

So, hugs with Eddie become… well, a thing.

Not a thing. They’re not a thing, Steve and Eddie. It’s totally the same as when he gets hugs from Robin. Eddie’s doing him a favour as a friend. It’s got the 100% platonic energy of getting a hug from a friend — a hug that usually melts into some form of a cuddle, limbs all tangled together until they can’t tell whose are whose.

Except, Steve doesn’t really do that second part with Robin. Like he hasn’t done it ever with Robin.

So, it’s an Eddie thing.

But they’re not a thing. Not matter how much Steve would actually very much like for that happen. Okay, maybe Steve’s overthinking the whole thing a bit, but he just can’t tell.

Where’s the line? It’s infuriating not being able to discern between platonic and more, just because Steve wasn’t held enough as a fucking baby. Out of all the things he resents his parents for, Steve’s surprised that this is so near the top.

Because, sure, Steve’s had more than his fair share of hookups. He knows that sort of touch. He knows the shape of lust; the scrapes of fingernails down backs, the tight grips over skin, the push and pull of the heat of the moment.

And this thing with Eddie… is not that.

So, really, Steve knows that it’s all friendly. Eddie is just being nice. He’s being a decent dude and helping his friend out — by catapulting himself into Steve’s arms at every opportune moment.

(Steve’s only dropped 3 mugs of coffee because of this so far. It’s only because Eddie says good catch, big boy with a devilish grin every time that Steve manages to catch Eddie that Steve hasn’t completely told him to knock it off. Just yet, at least.)

And he’s different in other areas. He’ll always seem to choose the seat next to Steve on movie-nights now, content to snuggle right up to him. They get thigh to thigh, arm to arm — and Eddie only needs to get about 20 minutes in for him to do a big sigh, like an old dog, and slump over, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder.

Steve notices though. He always notices.

It’s impossible not to— the skin, even if there’s 3 layers between them, burns blazing warm. Eddie’s hair drapes over his arm, a curl inevitably tickling along Steve’s collar. He can feel the rise and fall of Eddie’s breathing, the little shake of when he laughs.

It drives Steve a little insane— insane in the way that makes him think about burying his fingers in those curls again, about pressing his lips against Eddie’s pretty mouth just to feel the smile against his skin, about digging into his chest so he can climb into his chest and live there.

Yeah, it’s— well, it’s safe to say that the effect of Eddie’s touchiness has sent what was once a fleeting thought of a crush into mind-melting levels of affection.

But he can’t fucking tell.

-

To Steve’s credit, neither can Eddie.

Which is not surprisingly considering sometimes he catches himself wondering how the hell he ended up here; in a close-knit friendship with band-geek Robin Buckley, princess Nancy Wheeler, and King Steve Harrington.

Okay, the Robin one sort of makes sense. He thinks that if no matter when their paths crossed, he and Robin would’ve always even some sort of strange friends - her snark complimenting his bitchiness. Also, the whole super queer thing helps too. Even the friendship with Nancy works, in its own weird way.

Steve though? He’s the fucking curve ball.

It works though, the two of them. Surprisingly well, actually — the two of them get on like a house on fire, bitchy quips back and forth. Even better, is the quiet that they can share. Steve loves to come around and do… nothing. Do nothing with Eddie, though.

So, even though Eddie had noticed the tension in Steve with touch, little moments where he turned rigid when Eddie’s usual wandering hands got too comfortable — Eddie chalked it up to the usual. Guys bring too uncomfortable with him, too weird about another guy being touchy. It didn’t matter than Eddie wasn’t even out to Steve yet, he was still might be that type of guy.

Well, Eddie had certainly thought so. Sure, Steve might not be one of those jocks who smacked around boys who looked too long in the locker room, but if he knew a smidge of the truth, who really knows. It would explain the tenseness at least.

But then— ‘Can I… have a hug?’ There had been a dozen things Eddie was thinking that Steve could’ve asked for but that? Wasn’t even in the ballpark. It was so left-field it left Eddie speechless for a whole moment. And Steve had been staring at the ceiling, his hands curled up tight again like- like he thought Eddie might say no.

A ridiculous thought, honestly. Anyone who knew Eddie well enough knew he was touchy; loved giving it, loved getting it. Like an overly affectionate cat, Wayne had once called him, just 11 years old, because Eddie’s need for affection seem to never be sated.

After that night, Steve’s lack of touch became far more obvious. It’s always hair ruffles or high-fives, yet never hugs. Normally, Eddie would keep to that boundary; some people are less touchy other than others, he knows that.

But… “Sometimes I realise it’s been awhile, since I’ve had some touch.” That’s what Steve had said, his words. Eddie doesn’t even think he meant to say something so heartbreaking. In fact, the guy seemed embarrassed.

It had thrown Eddie for a loop— because Steve gets around. He’s nearly notorious for one-night stands and failed flings, as Robin loves to drone on about considering she’s subjected to all the flirting. What had originally been a point of envy for Eddie, just saturates the bleakness of Steve’s words. Sex but without a moment of intimacy.

So, while Eddie is miles away from being the person who gets into Steve’s pants — not for lack of want, mind you — he does try hike up the touchiness. Little things. Lingering when he taps him on the arm, hooking his chin over Steve’s shoulder to peer over it, leaning up against him when they’re side by side watching a film.

It’s good. It helps Eddie release the pressure of his stupid monumental god-awful crush he has. Yeah, yeah, it’s laughable, even to Eddie. It’s like Gay 101; don’t get crush on straight dudes, especially the ones you’re friends with. And yet…

Steve lets him. He lets Eddie give him touch, more than he lets anyone else. He still tenses; there’s still always a moment before he can remember to relax, like he’s trying to shake off bad thoughts but then he melts. He always melts into Eddie’s touch eventually — in a way Eddie knows Steve actually loves it, drinks it up as much as he can.

And maybe, Eddie is the biggest fool to grace the Earth to let that fact give him some hope. Sue his gooey heart, he’s a romantic. It’s a quiet hope but, it’s there.

Tonight, it seems relaxing for Steve is been harder than usual— several times has Eddie traced a quite long along Steve’s arms, a subtle point that they were far too tense for someone who was wrapped up in cuddles on the couch. ‘Cos that’s 100% what they are now. Eddie will still call them hugs, but usually, when it’s just the two of them, it becomes this.

Steve, tucked up into the corner of the couch, one leg flush along the back of the couch and one hanging off the edge. It’s the prime position for Eddie to crawl up, wind his arms around Steve’s middle and give him a good squeeze and then settle there. Head on Steve’s chest, lying in the cradle of his hips. Safe. Warm.

It makes him warm, oh very warm to know that he gets this. That Steve doesn’t give this amount of trust to many, if any, other people but Eddie — he trusts Eddie.

“Y’know,” Eddie says, cheeks smushed against the plain of Steve’s pec. It feels deliciously warm and Eddie’s fairly sure he can feel how toned it is just through his cheek. Hot bastard. “I’m actually real glad you asked for that hug all those weeks ago.”

He leaves it there ‘cos he knows Steve will ask. Eddie’s eyes stay on the buzzing tv-screen even as Steve’s head shifts, turning to peer down at the boy slumped on his chest. Eddie’s pretty sure he can see Steve’s mouth twitch up into a smile.

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah,” Eddie affirms, giving a nod and his eyes flick up to meet Steve’s for just a moment. “Think I’ve had some of the best hugs in the world.”

Okay, that was maybe more honest and sappy than Eddie was going for. He is just letting Steve know he isn’t just doing it for Steve — that he enjoys these moments just as much. He lays it on thick, tries for a smarmy angle.

“Swept up in these pillowy arms?” He croons, giving Steve’s bicep a quick squeeze, making the other chuckle softly. “Who wouldn’t think so? I’m a lucky guy.”

Despite the joking tone, there’s no quick comeback from Steve. That’s alright. Eddie’s quite happy if this is one of the times Steve just takes the compliment; let’s the word sink in and hopefully, believes them, even if it’s just a little bit. He watches the film and doesn’t read into the silence.

Not even when Steve says, “Eddie?” all soft. Nearly shy sounding. It doesn’t quite register to Eddie’s ears.

“Mm?”

“Eddie.” Steve says again, a little firmer and that catches Eddie’s attention. He turns his head and rests his chin on Steve’s chest, his brows drawn together in silent question.

But the moment he makes eye contact, Steve’s doing that scrunched up face again. Is studying the ceiling instead of facing Eddie. And just like all those weeks ago, his hands clench up tight. Twists up the fabric of Eddie’s sweater in between his fingers and uses it to ground himself.

Last time, he asked for a hug. Considering he’s currently just about squishing Steve beneath his body weight, Eddie can’t fathom what he might be worked up to ask for. Unless he was going to ask for something more than a hug— which, well, just wasn’t going to happen, even if Eddie really wanted it to.

“Can I-” Steve starts. He sucks in a breath, almost like he’s gathering courage. But he’s not, because he’s not about to ask for what Eddie hopes for, he’s not, he’s—

Unless…?

“Can I… have a kiss?” Steve asks, barely audible. The sentence is murmured, soft words that hit Eddie like a gentle kiss in itself — imprinting right onto his heart. Steve Harrington wants a kiss — from him!

“Oh.” Eddie says, in a breathy delightful way. He’s fairly certain the little monkey in his brain is clapping its cymbals at double-speed as the words process; or maybe it’s his heart, which feels like it’s leapt up his throat.

“Oh?” Steve echoes, a smile already playing at the edges of his mouth, because he can see Eddie’s want. Because he knows him.

“Yes.” Eddie says suddenly, with a frantic nod, pushing up closer so their faces are aligned. “Yes, absolutely, you can.” He affirms.

Steve huffs a quiet laugh at the eagerness and then his arm that had been slung around Eddie shifts. It moves up til his hand caresses along the line of Eddie’s jaw, tilting him just how he likes.

Eddie holds his breath. Counts the freckles he can see this close. Tries to feel Steve’s heartbeat through where they’re pressed so closely together; can Steve feel his? Thundering and hurried, beating so hard Eddie thinks he might bruise the inside of his ribs.

Then Steve kisses him. And shit, Steve’s lip are better by ten-fold than every daydream Eddie’s ever had about them. They’re warm and so soft — plush and pressing against his own and Eddie is freezing. Fuck, wait, how does this go again? Right, Eddie’s never… well, kissed anybody before.

Steve pulls back and Eddie screws his eyes up — not ready in the slightest for the disappointment of his own shoddy kissing skills. Fuck, did he really just freeze? Steve — Steve Harrington — asks for a kiss and Eddie decides to stab himself in the back by not figuring out how to fuck to kiss back.

“You call that a kiss?” Steve teases and Eddie’s well aware of the parallel — of the irony of Steve repeating his own words back at him. But he can’t make himself laugh even though it’s funny. Instead, a little groan wiggles out his throat.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says, earnest. He forces his eyes opens — he needs to see what’s Steve’s thinking. Where he’s expecting disappointment or perhaps regret, is only patience. Maybe a touch of concern. Eddie continues, despite the humiliation that makes his throat sticky.

“I haven’t- I don’t do this often.” He coughs awkwardly clearing his throat and hoping it hides the next word. “Ever.”

There’s a jump in Steve’s eyebrows, a moment of surprise in his eyes that lets him know he did, indeed, hear that final word. It makes Eddie feel… well, it’s nice that Steve had expected him to have been kissed by now. Even if he hasn’t. He tries to take it as a compliment.

“That’s okay,” Steve assures. Absentmindedly, his thumb rubs soothing along Eddie’s jaw. It makes Eddie shiver, some outrageous amount of joy clawing into every nerve. Steve likes Eddie. He wants to kiss Eddie.

“Do you want to try again?”

Eddie nods before the questions even out of his mouth. Steve smiles, all sunshine. This time when he draws Eddie in, he notices the way Eddie holds his breath — the rigidness in his body.

Steve kisses him again, another short and soft one and then whispers against his lips, “Relax.”

‘Cos isn’t tonight just full of the parallels, Eddie thinks. He listens, tries to focus on how sweet Steve’s kiss is than his panicky heart, forcing out a breath between the kisses. His hands along Steve’s sides find a grip, grounding and good, and by the fourth kiss, he begins to feel a bit melty.

It’s good. It’s really good. Kissing Steve is top 5– nay, the top moment of his life so far. Somehow, it’s made all that much better knowing the build-up behind it. Knowing that Steve knows he isn’t just kissing him for a heat of the moment — that Eddie wants kisses here, kisses before bed, in the morning, on dates. Eddie wants Steve.

And with the way he kisses, Eddie’s pretty sure Steve wants him just as bad.

It doesn’t take long for Steve to reach what Eddie decides is an ultra pretty fuckin’ state; lips swollen from kisses, cheeks flushed, hair a little mussed up. He bets he looks no better. The thought makes him grin, enough they have to break the kiss ‘cos Eddie can’t stop his stupid happy grin ‘cos shit— he actually gets to have this Steve.

“What?” Steve asks, somehow half heart-eyed and half suspicious at the mischief in Eddie’s eyes.

“Can I... have a hickie?”

now with a part three !

[sleepy-steve]

@steddieangstyaugust 05/08 // ‘Please Please Please, Let Me Get What I Want’ by The Smiths

wc: 2.2k // rating: M // cw: language, negative self talk // tags: YEARNING, post-s4 but vecna dies, eddie has some self-esteem issues, mild references to sexual content

divider credits @steddiecameraroll-graphics

Eddie isn’t sure when it started. When this… obsession took over his life. When he suddenly couldn’t think of anything but Steve Harrington.

It could have been when they started hanging out every day, the threat of otherworldly horrors gone and the Big Evil defeated. When they realised that while they don’t necessarily have much in common, they both care to learn about what the other likes.

It could have started before that, when Steve continually showed up to help him through his physical therapy, never wavering in his kindness despite how many times Eddie snapped in frustration or lashed out at him. Steve always took it in stride, but never patronised him. Or was it even before that? When Steve showed up everyday to his bedside in the hospital, at first appearing to just be chauffeuring Dustin, but then visiting on his own. Spending hours talking with him or letting the silence settle between them, filling the hours where Wayne couldn’t be there.

Shit, if Eddie really thought about it, it went further back than that too. Before Steve carried him out of hell and quite literally saved his life—though that alone was enough to make a guy swoon—and before the moment Eddie flirted with him in the RV (and really, what was he thinking with that?) and even before their little heart to heart in the aforementioned hell after the first bat attack.

No, if Eddie was honest with himself, it all went back to Steve’s surprise appearance in the boathouse, shoved up against the wall with a shard of glass pressed to his neck and fear in his eyes. Eddie remembers feeling Steve tremble as Eddie held tight to his jacket, watching as he swallowed, skin of his throat pressing against the glass. Eddie’s own hands shook around the broken bottle, from exertion and fear, and god help him he was not going down without a fight in that moment. Their all too literal colliding of worlds was not something he could have been prepared for, nevermind the fact that Eddie almost killed him. But it was that brief moment, so miniscule, right before Eddie let him go, that he realised Steve really wouldn’t hurt him. Despite being held up and almost having his throat slashed, Steve had dropped the oar.

It was the first hint he got that all those things Dustin had said about Steve were actually true. That all the ideas he’d previously had about Steve Harrington were undeniably false. And Eddie only continued to be proven wrong by the sheer magnitude of Steve’s kindness, his patience, his unending love for his friends. Which now, by some miracle, Eddie was a part of.

It had grown. Out of something that should have just been a trauma-bond that then dissolved once they were quote-unquote healed and realised they actually had nothing in common besides the shared experience of almost dying in an otherworldly dimension. It had grown into something much more than that, something that Eddie never really had before. He’d had friends before, sure, his little sheepies and his band mates, but nothing quite like this. It was both his fault and also not. When he arrived in middle school and was immediately bullied for daring to be a little bit different—despite the differences having more to do with his class status than anything he had truly picked at that time—the walls came up. People could get somewhat close to him, but ultimately Eddie decided just how much he would give to people, and arms length was always safest. They wouldn’t be able to hurt him at arms length.

And yet. Steve Harrington had somehow wormed himself past the walls, beyond the arms length barrier, and settled himself neatly within Eddie’s rib cage. Not only that, Steve brought along the rest of his little group, a family that knocked down Eddie’s walls and forged a space just for him. It went beyond the trauma bond. It had grown into something that almost felt like Steve cared about him. Actually, that wasn’t fair. Steve absolutely did care about Eddie. He’d shown it time and time again. Shown up and held tight and given his time and space and love, being the kind of best friend Eddie only dreamed of having.

And here he was, greedy. Desperately craving more. More of the connection, more of the love —platonic though it is—more of which he has already been given. Arguably he’s received far more than he ever thought he deserved (despite what his new friends might say). But Eddie can’t help it.

He wants. He craves.

He fucking aches for it.

It grips him in a chokehold, this desperation with which he begs to receive more. To have more. To be more. It wasn’t enough to have Steve’s friendship, Eddie wanted his whole heart. His whole soul, even. Every tiny speck of stardust that came together to create him, Eddie wanted it in his possession. Wanted it all to himself, to hoard like a dragon’s greatest treasure. To lock this man away and keep him safe and shower him with love and devotion every day for the rest of his life. He longed for it to the point of feeling more animal than man, a slave to his own desires. Helpless against his own hunger for a connection that would run bone deep between them, etched into his skull, woven into his blood. Eddie burned to fucking consume Steve Harrington and be consumed by him. To have their souls merge together in a supernova and, and, and…

And nothing. Because it would never happen. Not for Eddie, not the way that he wants it to. He reminds himself constantly that he should just be grateful to have the friendship, to cherish it for the special thing that it is. That guys like Steve Harrington didn’t want guys like Eddie Munson, at least not in that way. Not in the way Eddie wanted, because Eddie never got what he wanted.

Well, not never. But rarely. When he goes down this spiral, he struggles to remember times he has actually gotten what he wanted. In love, in romance? Never. Kisses—too fast, too hard, too scared—shared with boys who met him behind the bleachers and didn’t know what they wanted. Or rather, did know but wished they didn’t. Those that ended in the boys running away, or worse, threatening to hit him—to kill him—if Eddie dared to speak about what happened. Not that anyone would believe a jock would ever turn to Eddie The Freak Munson, even as an experiment. That’s all he ever was when he was younger, an experiment. It was all he thought he deserved, at least until he got a bit older and was able to venture out of Hawkins. Then came other stuff. Quick, filthy hookups in club bathrooms and dark alleyways in Indy. A stranger’s tongue in his mouth and their hands in each other’s pants and maybe their mouths on each other and the flash of a smile before leaving and he’d never see them again. It was fine. He got what he set out for in those moments, but nothing more. He never felt like he was owed more, never felt worthy of more, so why would anyone give him that? At least they didn’t end in threats of violence. At least he felt desired, somewhat. But, if given the chance, he’d trade all those experiences for one night of feeling like he was the prize, like he was the one worth fighting for, like someone wanted his heart.

And the craziest part was… sometimes he did feel that way. Sometimes Steve made him feel that way. Like Eddie was the most special person on the planet. Like no one else could draw his attention away. Like they were the only two people in the world. Like Steve could actually…

No. It wasn’t like that. Eddie had to remind himself endlessly. It wasn’t like that. This love wasn’t reserved just for Eddie, who watched Steve share it with all of them. When he picked up Dustin to take him wherever he wanted to go, despite the squabbling they shared. The way he and Robin seemed to read each other's minds, attached at the hip whenever possible. How he helped Max after she got out of the hospital, ready to drop everything at a second’s notice if she needed him. Spending afternoons training basketball with Lucas, giving him all of his tips and shining with pride at his skills.

Still… there was something. Something in the way Steve’s eyes lit up whenever Eddie arrived. Something in the way he was almost always too close, fingers brushing as beers were passed, arms and legs pressed against each other during movie nights, arms held tight when nightmares returned, and one glorious evening of warm cuddling and dreamless sleep after sharing a joint. Eddie lived in those moments, let them play on an endless loop in his mind, reading deep into each tiny interaction. Thinking about every smile sent his way and was it any different from the smiles anyone else got? God, he wanted to believe Steve had a special one just for him. One that was a little bit softer and sweeter and shyer.

The idea is nice, but it’s washed away by the cold reality of the fact that it would never happen. Even if, by some miracle, Steve was anything other than straight, why would he want Eddie? He could have anyone he wanted. And Eddie wouldn’t get what he wanted because that’s just how life was for him. Though he may beg and plead with invisible entities for it, though he might crave and ache to the point of feeling feral with it, though he might promise—swear on his life—to himself and anyone up there listening that he’d treat Steve so well if given the chance, Eddie knew it just wasn’t on the cards. The sooner he accepted that the better.

His resolve in place—forget about it, or at least bury it until it could be forgotten—Eddie makes his way up the driveway to the Harrington house. He wouldn’t think about it for the entirety of movie night. He absolutely would not.

“Hey, man!” Steve answers the door with a perfect smile and joy in his eyes. Eddie’s resolve wobbles. “Just in time.”

Eddie takes a moment to steel himself, firmly reminding himself of his goal, as he follows Steve into the house. And it lasts for all of two minutes before he’s pulled down onto the sofa, thigh pressed against Steve’s. Was there truly any reason for Eddie to be tortured this way? He tries to remember that Robin is on the other side of Steve, and that there’s limited room on the sofa but fucking hell… Their shoulders brush, the soft grazes through layers of fabric sending Eddie’s mind spinning, until Steve places his arm around behind Eddie on the sofa-back, not quite touching but close enough to feel the heat of his skin. And god, this is so much worse. The desire to lean in and cuddle him, just nestle right in and have Steve’s arm around him, drives him crazy. The idea that they could… that this could be normal for them, domestic even. It went beyond the physical, Eddie wanted to take care of him. To show him the love Steve had so willingly given to him, and give it back ten-fold, hundred-fold. To create a life with him. To be proud of him and show him off and love him endlessly. To go to the ends of the earth to grant Steve his every wish, if he could just have one chance, he was begging—

Get it together! Eddie’s internal voice hisses at him, and he tries to shove all his thoughts back down into a vault, feeling a bit like trying to get water back into a broken hydrant. He does his best, managing to get it back down to a simmer, rather than a rapid boil.

Steve shifts slightly, suddenly a bit closer. It all comes rushing back. The warmth where their thighs are touching becomes burning hot and all the aching, craving, yearning, wanting that Eddie tried to shove down and out of his mind is suddenly front and centre and focused on the way Steve laughs and those glorious moles dotting down his neck. He feels insane with longing, desperate to press his lips to those moles, as if that could ever convey the depth of his feelings for the man beside him. Overcome with the need to drag his fingers through that beautiful hair and maybe even pull on it a little, just to see what kind of noise Steve makes, Eddie hears the tiny voice in his mind telling him off for staring. He just can’t seem to drag his eyes away. Steve throws his head back with a laugh, exposing his throat, and Eddie might as well perish right then and there, distraught with how much he wants to bite it. To just sink his teeth into the skin and feel Steve’s pulse beneath with his tongue. To leave bites and bruises all over his body, everywhere Eddie thinks is beautiful…

Before he can summon enough shame to look away, Steve catches his eye, and just grins, eyes lit up with that same brightness he always seems to have when looking at him.

Eddie’s a fucking goner.

[nburkhardt]

✨ Thoughts while listening to Taylor Swift ✨

Steve trying his absolute hardest not to fall for Eddie. Because he knows Eddie’s destiny. Knows that he’s meant for big things, that he’s going places and will be successful in the future.

That Eddie’s meant for more than him.

So, Steve tries his best to keep his heart from falling.

When the last of Eddie’s friends graduate and all of them are packed up, ready to get the hell out of Hawkins, Steve’s there to wish them a goodbye and to take the world by storm.

He’s hugging Eddie tight, feeling his eyes burn from holding back the tears. Trying to enjoy the closeness and warmth, trying to keep the sob back that’s wanting to break free.

“Stevie…”

Shaking his head, he squeezes Eddie and pull away, “don’t, Eds.” He can’t look Eddie in the eye longer than a second, he smiles tight with a few tears finally falling, “take the world on, Rockstar. I’ll be watching, promise”

Eddie wipes his eyes, smiles and opens his mouth a few times before giving up and taking a step closer to him to press a kiss to his cheek before turning around and meeting back up with of his friends. The van is filled with all their things, soon it’s filled with Eddie’s friends and Eddie himself.

Waving, Steve keeps up the smile and it’s only once the van isn’t in his vision that it fully hits him.

That he failed.

~~~~

Oh, hello 👋

Was listening to “Come Back Be Here” and well, this little thing appeared in my head couldn’t help myself and i remembered I haven’t gotten my loves back for all the angst they’ve put me through. 🥰

Enjoy @i-less-than-three-you and @strangersteddierthings love youuuuuu

Permanent tag list under the cut.

@spectrum-spectre @itsfreakingbats @mysticcrownshipper @artiststarme @thereindeerlady @justforthedead89 @ronniescontinuum @freyaforestafay @littlewildflowerkitten @gregre369 @zerokrox-blog @flustratedcas @carlprocastinator1000 @marvelmwah @solliesolesito @navnae @i-less-than-three-you @grimmfitzz @estrellami-1 @cartercaptainofthemoon

[artiststarme]

The Party Forgets Steve's Birthday

Thank you for the prompt @nburkhardt ! I hope it meets your expectations!

Now with a Part 2!

~*~*~*~

Steve was used to being forgotten. His parents regularly left for months at a time without regarding him at all, his old friends at school had only ever seemed to remember him when they wanted to use his house to throw a party, and his own girlfriend conveniently forgot about him when she chose to sleep with the guy that gave him his first concussion. He was well past being surprised when people neglected to think about him. 

So he really shouldn’t have been surprised when everyone forgot his birthday. 

He woke up the morning of his twentieth birthday to an empty house and an even emptier heart. Just like every other day, his parents were off on a business trip ignoring his existence. They hadn’t even left him a message congratulating him on making it to twenty, a feat Steve never thought he would accomplish. The mailbox was just as empty as it always was and it was like Steve didn’t exist to his parents at all. He didn’t know why he expected anything different. He’d been ignored, cast aside by them, his entire life and he still had the gall to expect things to change. 

Steve had a shift at Family Video at 4 until close so he had to change out of his pajamas eventually. But right up until the moment he had to leave, he sulked from the comfortable nest of blankets on his couch. He grieved the loss of love from his parents that, looking back, may have never existed in the first place. 

He also waited for his friends to call. Eddie, Robin, Nancy, or Jonathan had to know it was his birthday today. He’d told them enough times and Robin had called him a “troublesome Taurus” at least once. The older teens may not have enough excitement over just another birthday to come over to his house but surely they would call. But as time marched on, his phone sat silent despite his staring at it. 

Well, he was seeing Robin at work so she was probably just waiting to tell him in person. And maybe the others were throwing a surprise party for him. The Party threw a birthday party for each one of the members on their special day so maybe it was Steve’s turn this year to be introduced to the tradition. After the horrific Spring Break from hell, he thinks he deserved it. 

While the Party was fine now, this encounter with the Upside Down had been their worst yet. Max was in a coma for two weeks before she woke up but the repercussions of Vecna’s mind-melt were permanent. She was now blind and she still hadn’t managed to leave her wheelchair over a month later. 

Eddie was ambushed by demobats and ripped apart even though his job was supposed to be the decoy that was out of danger. Steve had to give him CPR to restart his heart through the shock then had to sprint with him out of the Upside Down and into the nearest car in the Rightside Up, a car that he had to hotwire with Eddie’s minimal guidance. Then they had to clear his name with the police and townspeople that wanted nothing more than the outcast to go down for a crime he didn’t commit. 

And Steve. While his injuries were less severe than the others, his skin would always show the scars from the demobats. His neck was still blemished and his abdomen was sunken where the bats tried to use him as a meal. Mentally, his self-confidence was gone and he had nightmares every night about the feel of the teeth tearing through his flesh. He almost didn’t make it out of there this time which made this birthday all the more special. 

When he walked into the video store for his shift, all of the kids and Eddie were there. Steve had the brief thought that they were probably putting their final touches on the surprise party but that passed quickly once they turned to look at him. 

“Oh look, your esteemed babysitter is here which means he can deal with you. Now, if you don’t mind I’m going to go hang out with other grownups instead of sticking around with you children. Bye now!” Robin told them dramatically, waggling her fingers in their faces. She turned to Steve, “hey Dingus, your children have been trying to rent a rated R film for the past twenty minutes. You deal with that while I go on my date with Vickie. Toodles!”

Steve didn’t even have time to say anything in response before she made her way to the back to clock out and left his sight. He was still watching where she used to be when he heard a throat clear. It was fucking Dustin, of course it was. The little bastard had a smug smirk on his face and wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Gross dude, no. I keep telling you that it's not like that with Robin and I. Get your head out of the gutter,” Steve told him, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

“We can see how you look at her! It’s not rocket science, Steve. Just ask out the pretty girl already and stop being a lonely loser,” Dustin told him in a sarcastic tone. The other kids nodded while Eddie left to awkwardly look through the horror aisle full of movies he’d already seen. That fucker knew Robin was a lesbian and was just leaving him to suffer through this alone, on his birthday no less. 

“Look, I’m not talking about this today and I’m not renting you a tape that’s rated R. Is that all you’re here for?” Maybe this was a ruse and they were going to shower him with birthday wishes. 

“Oh come on! Eddie can rent it for us under his name!” Dustin whined. 

“I said no.”

"But-" Dustin started.

“Whatever, let’s go guys. Steve’s just being an asshole today,” Lucas said from his spot near the door. 

Will tucked his head down instead of acknowledging the asshole comment but still agreed, “we can go to the arcade!”

“Steve’s an asshole everyday. Today he’s just being unhelpful. If we wanted someone useless, we should’ve asked my dad,” Mike sneered at him. 

Being compared to Ted Wheeler was too much for Steve and the brats were starting to give him a headache. “Whatever dipshits, get out of my store. Go bother someone that cares. Bye!”

With some angry mumbles and grumbles, they shuffled out and made their way to the arcade (or so Steve assumes). Eddie poked his head out from the horror aisle then and upon seeing the coast was clear, hopped up to situate himself on the counter. “You having a bad day then?”

Steve sighed, “yeah you could say that. They were starting to give me a headache.”

Eddie hummed and poked Steve’s leg with his toe. “What’s up with you today? You seem… mad. Did something happen?”

Steve wasn’t mad, he was disappointed. He was disappointed that he didn’t mean as much to anyone else as they meant to him. The Party was his family but he was just an inconvenience to them. That was a common theme in life and many people have told him that through the years. His parents, Tommy and Carol, Nancy, some of the girls he’d taken on dates. Every single one of them considered him to be an inconvenience at best, a disappointment at worst. 

He really thought that he’d collected a good group of friends over the past few years that would treat him better, that didn’t just want to use him but loved him as he did them. Apparently not. 

He said as much to Eddie. “Do you ever feel like you mean something to someone and then it turns out that you don’t matter as much as you think you do?”

Eddie’s face twisted and he pulled a chunk of hair to cover his mouth. But he still nodded slightly before clearing his throat and answering his question. “Um yeah, I feel that way around you guys all the time.” 

Steve shot him an alarmed look but he continued. “It’s not meant to be a dig at you or anything! You guys have all been friends for so much longer that it just, it still feels like I’m an outsider still. You know?”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I feel like that too, man.” Eddie went to cut him off but he continued speaking. “No, seriously! It just feels like no one gives a shit about me even after all these years. Like, I woke up today thinking everyone was going to be calling me and coming over, just making a big deal all around, but no one did. I mean, it’s not like anyone’s ever done anything big for my birthday before but I just. I expected people to care this year.”

Eddie’s face slowly paled the more Steve spoke until his skin was practically translucent. “It’s your birthday today?”

“Yeah,” Steve chuckled sardonically. “I finally made it to the big 2-0. I kinda expected to have a party today since everyone else in the Party got one for their birthday but it’s fine. Even now I’m still just the babysitter, I guess.” 

Tears started to well in Eddie’s eyes and he lunged behind the counter to give Steve a hug. “Stevie, big boy, I’m so sorry! You deserve so much more than just a party today, baby. And you’re so much more than just the babysitter. You’re family to all of us, man.”

Steve shrugged again, “maybe that’s the problem. My family has never liked me either so that’s probably the case here too. It’s fine, I got my hopes up and I shouldn’t have. No one’s ever cared before so why would they start now?”

Eddie went to speak but a customer came in. Steve took their presence as a sign and pushed Eddie gently away from behind the counter. “I have to go help them, Eddie. See yourself out, okay? I’ll see you later.”

And then he was off to do his job and ignore the fact that Eddie was still watching him with tears in his eyes. He had other things to deal with today than Eddie’s hurt feelings. Like helping customers and trying to stomp down the soul-crushing disappointment in his chest. After all, what else could he have expected for his birthday?

Permanent tag list: @doubleb11 @nburkhardt @zerokrox-blog @newtstabber @i-less-than-three-you @carlyv @pyrohonk @straight4joekeery @trippypancakes

If you want to be tagged on all of my works, let me know!

[stevesworld96]

look at me now (part two)

--- steve harrington x fem!reader

steve visits you before the vecna fight.

childhood friends to strangers to lovers. this is a more realistic look at developing a relationship with steve, set in canon while you know nothing about the monsters, or the nightmares, or all of his scars.

a fic about knowing steve before, during, and after the events of the upside down. including all the ways your friendship with him grows, wilts, then grows again - to blossom into something he probably doesn’t deserve. 

tags: fem reader, no use of y/n, childhood friends, kissing, cliches, a lot of emotions, depression and suffering etc, mentions of death and injuries, steve retells canon events and deaths, codependent steve and robin, steve is so so so so so so so sad. hawkins doesn't get destroyed after the vecna fight - everything else follows canon

please read both parts, i worked so hard on this fic and i'm really proud of it :)

part one!!!

word count: 9280

-

Steve didn't call you the next morning.

You waited until noon. By that time morning was officially over, and your phone still hadn’t rang. 

It was hard not to be upset about it after what happened the night before. You were just about to kiss him, and he knew it. Maybe after a night of sleep, he woke up regretting it. 

Maybe that’s why he didn’t call. 

If you didn’t talk to him, you would go mad with assumptions. If you thought about it long enough, you’d break your own heart. 

It wasn’t that big of a deal. Steve could be forgetful. It’s possible that it slipped his mind, or Robin was still feeling unwell. 

But if there was some other reason, you needed to hear it as soon as possible. 

Before your evening shift at Roses you stopped by Family Video. You visited him there often, so he wouldn’t be amiss seeing you - hopefully. 

When you walked into the video store, the sound of the bell had four heads snapping in your direction. You searched for the eyes you came here to see, and you didn’t notice the rogue tape on the floor that caught your foot. Robin, Dustin, Max, and Steve watched you trip, and you stuttered back to steady feet. 

The two kids were behind the counter at the computer. There was a mess on the floor. Everyone was staring at you like you had turned into something terrifying after walking inside. 

The three of them started whispering to Steve, Robin being the loudest. You caught, “go make her leave,” and, “why is she here?” 

And you didn’t understand, and Steve was shuffling toward you like a fast-paced robot, and something felt seriously off. 

Still, you smiled at him, something forced. “Hey.” 

“Hey. Look - we - we’re closing early today, so…” 

He was trying to walk you toward the door. You wanted to know why. 

“Oh, well - I just wanted to come see you before work. You didn’t call like you said you would.” 

“I know, I know.” He looked over his shoulder at the group behind him. They all made different faces and shooing motions. “You need to go, alright? You can’t be here right now.” 

“Steve?” 

You had made it to the door and he opened it for you. And he was giving you no sympathy in the way he looked at you, his features hard as stone. 

“Did I - is this about last night?” 

“No. It’s nothing to do with you, okay?” You didn’t believe him, and he didn’t try convincing you. Instead he pushed you through the threshold. “Just go. Go to work, I’ll see you later, okay?” 

“Why are you doing this? Just tell me, Steve, seriously. I can handle it.” 

The way he sighed was dramatic, closing his eyes and hanging his head, but it was real. Annoyance and frustration, that’s what it was - two things he never directed at you. At least, not anymore. 

“Please. Just listen to me, for once. Please just go. I can’t talk to you right now.” 

You didn’t have a choice, really. The other option was standing there and arguing with him, and you had a feeling he didn’t have a fight in him. 

So you left. You heard the door close as soon as you turned your back. 

He didn’t even watch you go. 

The closer you got to your car, the more your throat burned. It was all a literal blur, with tears creating clouds in your vision. 

Visiting him had done the exact opposite of your goal. It made things worse, somehow, even though everything was fine five minutes ago. 

What the hell had happened between last night and right now? What could you have done?

Did Steve change his mind that fast? 

You thought about last night and the way that you felt. Your hands shaking, heart beating, mind racing - it was the same now, but with a pit in your stomach and tear tracks on your face. 

It didn’t seem fair. He didn’t have to be so cold. 

Why were they all being so cold? 

Maybe you had walked in on some important meeting. Max could have been telling them a secret, or Dustin could have been indulging an embarrassing story - or Steve could have been telling them what you had done last night. 

That’s what he meant when he said he didn’t want to fuck things up. Because he knew how you felt - because you weren’t hiding it at all - and he didn’t feel the same. 

And that’s why he didn’t call - because he was afraid to tell you. 

Because everything would change. Again. 

You felt it already in the way he looked at you. It wasn’t the same as it used to be. 

And maybe it would only get worse. 

...

Sundays were always the same. That was the only thought that got you through the mess of the day before. 

No matter what happened throughout the week, there was always a reliable refuge on Sunday. 

But Dustin’s bike wasn’t in its usual place on the edge of Steve’s yard. And Steve’s car wasn’t in his driveway. 

You were too shy to call, even though you knew he wasn’t home to pick up. Part of you wanted to call Family Video in case he’d taken a shift - just to hear his voice - but you couldn’t bear it. If you embarrassed yourself in front of him again, you’d never live it down. 

The worst part was knowing this could be all in your head. You could be putting yourself through emotional hell for nothing. 

But you had a feeling that wasn’t the case. 

Monday morning there was still no sign of Steve. 

It was like there was something pent up inside of you that you could never get out - is this how he felt when you spent a week avoiding him? Confused, and lonely, and hurt? 

All you wanted to do was go back in time and stop yourself from ruining everything. 

Tuesday night brought a simmering heat that you wanted to boil over. The sadness ebbed, giving you a break from your self loathing and doubt, making room for a burning anger. One so hot it brought you to tears. 

It was all so unfair. He spent so long convincing you he cared, only to show you unequivocally that he didn’t. 

And you never should have let him back in, and you definitely shouldn’t have gotten close enough for your heart to break. 

You tossed and turned for days, blaming yourself then him, never able to make up your mind. 

More and more, it seemed like nothing mattered. There had to be something he wasn’t telling you. You couldn’t change anything, even if you kept crying or hoping or overthinking. You had given up hope that he would simply turn up at your door. 

Of course, you still wished he would. 

It was Wednesday evening when you finally got what you wanted. 

The sun had just barely set, bathing that spring day in a light navy that was destined to get darker. That’s when a knock echoed from your door and you found Steve’s apologetic eyes behind it. 

As you looked at him, the emotions you felt through the week rewinded. Acceptance, dread, anger - denial, shame, sadness - it all ran through like rushing water, leaving you with a pounding heart and unsteady hands. 

Your lips parted for no words to pass through them. He was getting uncomfortable under your stare so you dropped it to the floor and rebuilt your resolve. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I really needed to see you.” 

His voice wasn’t soft. It was almost demanding, the way he said it. Urgent. 

“Can I come in?” 

You didn’t reply; you turned and walked inside, expecting him to follow. Heavy footfall echoed in your hallway stalking you to your kitchen. 

You kept your back to him because you didn’t have the energy for a face-off. You’d rather pretend to look interested in the newspaper that sat on the counter in front of you. 

“What’s up?” you asked, playing nonchalant. 

“I really don’t have a lot of time,” he said. You heard him tapping the marble kitchen island countertop. 

“Okay…” 

“I know you’re mad. I know I forgot to call, and I’ve been gone, but I can’t explain anything. Not right now, maybe… not ever.” 

“Then… why are you here?” A genuine question.

“Because -” 

A crack in his voice brought silence that was louder than a crowded room; one where you could hear his deep breathing stutter. 

He was probably trying to find the right thing to say. Something that would make you forgive him instantly - words sweeter than a bouquet of flowers and an apology letter. You already decided you weren’t going to fall for it. 

“Because I needed to see you. That’s it.” 

“Steve.” 

“Can you look at me? Please?” And it wasn’t urgency this time, but desperation. 

You turned to face him but your gaze stuck to the floor. He planted himself on steel toed combat boots that you had never seen him wear before. 

“I know you’re pissed off and I know it’s unfair, but can you pretend to not be? For two minutes? Because I - I didn’t come here to fix it. But I had to see you while I had time.” 

It had you sneaking up his frame, curiosity taking the place of boldness as you put together the pieces of what he was wearing. 

He looked dressed for war, or to go play pretend army man. 

Dark green cargo pants that would have been too big without the tight belt tying them to his waist. 

Some kind of kevlar vest was over the brown leather of a jacket with patches all down the arms, all of them representing something American militaristic. 

Dirt coated fists, up to his wrists and you were sure passed. On his face from his ears to under his eyes, his forehead down to his neck. 

His neck, a nasty welt wrapped all the way around it twice. Dark red in its obvious freshness, splotchy in a need to be cared for, cleaned, disinfected. It looked like he had gotten into something bad, and there were no clues for who had given him such an ugly injury.

You stared, and your nails cut your palms, and you spoke too loud when you said, “What did you do?” 

He knew what you were referring to, looking down as if he could see it. You watched as his lips tried to form words of defense that never came. 

“Did you - did you -”

“No.” 

“Steve.” 

“If I told you what happened, you wouldn’t believe me.” 

“Tell me.” 

“Next time I’m here, I’ll tell you everything. I promise.” 

You hadn’t noticed you had stepped closer to him until you had his eyes in yours, looking at you like he meant every word. 

“You’re scaring me, Steve.” 

“I know. I know, I’m sorry.” 

He checked his watch, then sighed. 

He stuttered over his words like he didn’t know what he was saying. “We - Robin and some others, we’re - we’re - we’re going out of town tonight. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I’ll let you know, okay? I’ll call you.” 

“I don’t understand -” 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, honey, I’m sorry.” He rubbed at his eyes for a second, like he could buff out the stress in them. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. 

Your concern only grew as he took a small step backwards. 

“Steve, you - can’t you just stay here with me? Why do you have to go?” 

“I’ll be back soon. Don’t worry, okay?” It sounded like he was trying to soothe himself rather than you. “I’ll be back.”

You called his name, trying to stop him, but he turned from you. 

“I won’t forget to call you this time, okay?” 

You took those steps toward him, you reached out to grab him, but he walked out of your reach. When he got to the doorway, he stopped. He stood still for just a moment, and then he was turning again. 

He looked like he had made a decision, and then he was coming back to you. 

And when he was in reach, you took hold of him. You pulled him in and he was all around you, hugging the life out of you, trying to squeeze all the worry out of you.

You pulled away just enough to look at him. His jaw fit in the palm of your hand like you were his mold. You held him as gently as you could, and you pulled him in, and you didn’t stop pulling until his lips hit yours. 

It was a kiss that should have happened days ago - maybe a long time before that. One that was brand new but still familiar; you could smell his cologne underneath leather, you felt his hands on your waist squeezing tight. 

You kissed him only just, and you felt overwhelmed with how much emotion you were trying to pour into it. 

When you pulled away, big hands held the sides of your face and brought you back. Your neck craned so he could kiss you how he wanted to for a second time; a messy mesh that made things feel okay, just for that moment. 

And it didn’t last long enough, because nothing so good ever did. When he broke it off he dropped his hold on you and walked away, slowly and then too fast. And that was it, and he was gone, and you wanted to chase after him but you were stuck where you stood. 

+

It wasn’t fair. 

I needed to see you, he had said, but he couldn’t even give a reason. You had no idea how selfish he was being. 

You wouldn’t even look at him. And when you did, it was like you were scared of him. And you were angry, and he couldn’t fix a fucking thing - not when the weight of this town was on his shoulders. 

He wiped the taste of you off his lips and pulled on the winnebago’s door until it creaked open. 

Because I may never see you again, is what he wanted to say. He wanted to give you a reason. He wanted to rip himself apart, there in your kitchen; show you the fresh wounds and the healed scars and the blood stains. He wanted to fall and cry and forget, without feeling bad for hoping you’d catch him. 

He walked into that god awful RV, sat in the driver’s seat, and started driving without so much as a second thought. 

And he was scared even though he couldn’t be. It was like his heart skipped a beat - he felt it falling out of his chest, into his stomach. A flash of cold crept up his spine until his hands were ice. Open wounds on his back, chest, arms all throbbed, drumming a beat that was fiercely alive. A reminder he appreciated. 

A deep breath was all it took, and every punch he had ever thrown played in his mind. Every swing, strike, and scream. All of them landing back on him.

He’d do it all again, tonight, because he had to. He didn’t sign up for it. And it wasn’t fucking fair. But he made his choice, and this was it. 

And this time, Steve didn’t know who would come out of it alive. 

So maybe it was selfish to ask the group if he could make a pitstop at your house when there was something bigger looming. And maybe it was unfair, because nobody else got to say their just in case goodbyes. 

But he wouldn’t feel bad. He couldn’t, because every time he closed his eyes he was being dragged underwater, he felt that bat’s tail tightening around his throat, he heard the sound of teeth digging into his own flesh. 

It was that jolt of helplessness, all over again, ten times worse. 

It was nobody coming to help him. 

It was being left for dead, to rot in the stomach of monsters he couldn’t fight off. 

He could hear his own last words. 

And he saw Robin at your front door telling you what happened with no explanation. You asking questions that would never be answered - being angry at him forever, because he didn’t call like he said he would. He saw you living without him - himself dying without you. 

But he opens his eyes, and he’s still here. Driving down a winding road to some place that might be the death of him and all his friends. And he’s still breathing, and he feels you holding him like he’s worth more than the dirt and blood he’s covered in, and it’s enough. It has to be.

… 

You wondered if your lips would ever stop buzzing - if the butterflies in your stomach would finally die. Neither happened by morning, and you were sure you were cursed to feel them forever. 

There was no sense to be made out of the conversation you had with Steve the night before. The army gear he wore was confusing enough - the wounds he had and the words he spoke had your mind going haywire. 

And you could do nothing but wait, and ask yourself the same questions. You spent your time finding distractions and not thinking too hard. 

One day turned into two, and missing him never got comfortable. Concern sat in your chest like a rock. You couldn’t even look in the direction of his house without a chill going up your spine, and you had to sleep with the radio on to keep your mind from racing. 

You couldn’t think. You didn’t want to. 

Because - what if he wasn’t coming back? 

You didn’t know, but you really wished he would have taken you with him to wherever he was going. If he was running away, he should have known you’d want to go, too. 

Two days turned into four.

You weren’t okay until you saw him again. 

It was his car pulling up in front of your house. You were out checking the mailbox when you heard the sound of an engine; you glanced over your shoulder, not expecting it to be his car, but when you realized, it felt like you had been run over by it. 

Mail landed on the grass as your slipper caught the curb. His door opened and you were there, already on him, bouncing on your toes to wrap yourself around his neck. He caught you. 

“Where the fuck have you been?” You breathed the words out. “Oh my god.” 

“I’m sorry,” but he didn’t sound it. He sounded happier than ever. 

It was purely opposite to how he spoke to you days ago. The grim in his words was gone, as was the grime. He was clean, and he had slept, and he was right there in your arms. 

“Sorry doesn’t fix it,” you said. You didn’t notice you were crying until you saw tears dripping into his sweater. “You aren’t leaving again.” 

He wobbled around until you were pressed up against his car door, your hug becoming even tighter. 

“I’m sorry. I’m not leaving, I promise.” 

“Never,” you said, and he laughed. “What happened, Steve? Are you going to tell me?” 

You pulled back just enough to look at him, and you found him with his eyes shut tight. 

“No.”

The wound on his neck was more of a bruise, now, dark reds and purples painting his skin like a necklace. You wondered how long it would be there - if there’d always be a scar. Time would tell. 

He continued, “No - not right now. I don’t want to talk about it,” and you pulled him back into you, hugging him tight. “Not yet.” 

“Whenever you’re ready,” you said, offering the patience he was asking you for. “I don’t care. Just don’t scare me like that again.” 

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “God, I’m so sorry. I’m so happy. Missed you so fucking much, you have no idea.” 

You wondered if you could stand right there in the street hugging him forever. In his arms, til the end of time, letting cars drive by and the seasons change around you, nothing ever pulling you apart. Never having anything between you again. 

“Stay with me tonight,” you said. It was quiet, and it was a desperate beg. “Please. Can you?” 

“I don’t know...” 

He was pulling back and you didn’t want him to, but the way his big hand held your face had you reeling. 

“I’ll stay as long as I can.”

“Just one night?” 

He was pushing your hair back like he wanted it out of the way - like he needed it out of your face so he could get a better look at you. And his eyes roamed over you like it was the first time he’d ever seen you. 

“I want to. I have to check on Dustin, later, and Nance - and Max, in the morning.” 

You shoved your face back into his shoulder. He was here, but he wasn’t here to stay. And he had no answers for your questions. And, maybe, he wasn’t going to kiss you again. 

Is that why you had a funny feeling in the pit of your stomach? Is that what you were so afraid of? 

You didn’t understand what he was going through, and he wasn’t helping you to. 

Maybe you didn’t have to know, or it wasn’t your place, but you ached with a need to help him. Curiosity ate at you, and the weary way he spoke kept feeding it. 

But there was nothing you could do. You had started getting used to that feeling.

So, “Okay,” you said. Because you couldn’t push, you couldn’t ask. It was easier for him if you didn’t argue, and that’s what he needed. Something easy. 

“Don’t say it like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like you’re pouting.” 

“I’m not.” 

He laughed, something real and cute, and it had a smile starting to stretch on your face. 

“I know you are. I know you.” He was speaking right into your ear; his quiet voice was the only thing you could hear. His voice was the same as always, stoking the flames in your heart and smothering the ones in your stomach. “Let me see.” 

“I’m not pouting,” and you pulled your smiling face from where it was hidden. You pulled out of his hold, catching both his hands in yours. “Are you gonna come in?” 

“I was thinking about it,” he said. So you led him inside. 

… 

And you hoped beyond it all that the week would be nothing but a blip in time, but it didn’t seem like things would go back to normal any time soon. 

If Steve was distant before, he was miles away now. 

He was trying, but there was always something he wasn’t saying. You had no idea how to get it out of him even after spending every day with him. 

You didn’t see Robin again until you had already gotten used to the April showers, and she offered nothing more than meek smiles and one word answers during your hang out. 

You hadn’t seen Dustin at all. Erica, either. Sundays had become like any other day. 

Steve hadn’t mentioned the girl, but he talked about Dustin sometimes. Every few days he’d say he was going to check on him - for a reason you didn’t know. 

Max was in the hospital. Steve didn’t say the reason or how she was doing. But you knew that on the days he visited her, he left home early and got back real late. You gave him his space on those days. 

And then it was May, and nothing had changed, and you had gotten used to it. 

...

The nights were starting to get warmer, and Steve was grateful for it. He could sit out on his patio all night, with nothing but a hoodie and half a pack to get him to too late. 

He’d made a habit out of it without noticing. Out of staying up until three every night. Out of losing count of the stars in the sky. Out of chain smoking until he couldn’t hold his eyes open. 

He used to be scared of the dark. When he was a kid, it was the only fear he could fathom. And, recently, it terrified him. 

Now, he looked over his backyard, into the stretch of forest beyond it, and he didn’t feel a thing. If there was something hiding in the shadows, something he should be afraid of, it’d have to show itself first. 

He wasn’t wasting any more time being afraid of story book monsters that might exist, because he knows what fear is now. He’s looked it in its eye, and he’s felt it punching him in the face, and he’s heard it screaming his name for help. 

If it was dark all the time, Steve wouldn’t mind one bit. 

And then his patio door was sliding open, and he felt his heart in his throat. 

Maybe he wasn’t as tough as he thought. 

“Hey.” 

Your voice cut through the pounding. 

“I hope you don’t mind that I let myself in.” 

“No, it’s okay.” He grabbed his pack of cigarettes and shoved it up his sleeve, feeling a need to hide them from you - even though he had one tucked behind his ear that he was sure you could see. 

“What are you doing out here?” 

You sat with him, crouching down and getting as comfortable as you could on the wooden porch. He watched you fold your arms into yourself. 

“Getting some peace and quiet,” he said. “No jacket?” 

“Didn’t think you’d be outside,” you said. “Should I go get one?” 

He was already getting up before you could finish asking. He brought you a jacket and a blanket, and got himself a Coke. Better than beer, he figured. 

You grabbed all three from him. “How’d you know I was thirsty?” 

All he did was grin at you. He slid the door shut behind him, and then sat down against it, across from you. You were sitting too close for him to stretch his legs out; he kept them bent, his arms slung over his knees. 

Now that you were here, his thoughts weren’t the loudest thing in his head. You had always been like that - too noisy to let the quiet smother him. Most times, he appreciated that. 

It wasn’t helping now, though. Your tapping on the ground and the tune you hummed weren’t drowning out a thing. 

He couldn’t stop fucking thinking. 

You passed him the soda can, and he held it lazily between his bent knees. 

He didn’t even want it. He wasn’t thirsty. Really, he only wanted to light the cigarette you hadn’t spotted yet. 

“Are you okay?” you asked. 

He stared at the chipped paint under his feet. His teeth gnawed at the inside of his cheek, over and over at the same spot until it was bleeding. And, god, it was a familiar taste. One that made him sick. 

He tossed his head back and it hit the glass with a thud. He looked at you, once, and then passed you. At the rippling water in the pool. 

He stared at it. Stared and stared and stared, until he had to say something. 

“Do you remember when Will Byers went missing?” 

He wanted to see the reaction on your face, but he couldn’t look away from the water. He could see that night, the party, and what happened afterward. 

“Yeah… our junior year, right?” 

He gave a barely there nod. 

“It was Will, and then it was Barb.” 

He looked to his lap, but he was still seeing that fucking night. He saw the blood in Barb’s hand, and he heard the hurt in her voice, and he remembered not caring at all. 

“Fuck. It’s all so fucked up.” 

He didn’t care when he should’ve, and now it’s useless. It doesn’t matter if he cares or not, but he wants to rip his fucking heart out, anyway. He wants to go back in time and do it all over again, even if it would lead to a disaster. Even if it would change everything or nothing. 

And he shouldn’t be so upset about it, because it doesn’t make a difference. Not anymore. He could be as careless as he wants, now, because no one is around to be hurt by it. 

“Why are you thinking about that, Steve?” 

“Because that’s when all this shit started.” 

He spoke without thinking, words falling out of his mouth like a running faucet, because he didn’t have the energy to keep a secret anymore. 

It started with Barb, but it didn’t end with her. Or with Billy. Or Hopper, or Chrissy - and, maybe, not with Eddie. 

And how many others had been taken in between? 

His throat felt tight; he coughed through it. He sat the Coke between his feet, and realized his lighter was there, too. 

He brought a palm to his eyes. “You wouldn’t even believe me if I told you. It’s - it’s fucking unbelievable, but it’s all true.” 

“Steve.” 

“It’s stupid.” 

“You can tell me.”

He was getting overwhelmed. His breaths started to stagger on top of each other, making it hard to catch even one. Tears welled in his eyes as he squeezed them shut. It was all too much - he needed to get it out. 

Because nothing between you and him would ever be normal if he never stopped hiding this from you. What, was he going to hide his scars from you forever? Or never explain why he didn’t sleep at night? Would all of his weapons be excused away as decorations?

No - he wanted to let you in. 

“It’s all so fucking stupid.” 

He was laughing, and you must have thought he was fucking crazy. 

“Barb - she was here that night.” 

“What?” 

“This is the last place she was seen. And I just acted like it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t care, even when I found out she was missing.” 

And he felt like an open fucking wound; the still healing rips on his torso leaking blood, too much for his shirt to absorb. His head throbbing, his eye swollen shut. Iron in his mouth, on his fists, pooling around him. Something wrapped around his throat. Bile filling it. He hadn’t healed. His injuries were all still there. 

“And I show up to Jonathan Byers’ house, and I knock on his door, and I knew - I fucking knew something was wrong. Like, seriously wrong. And I forced Nancy to let me in, and I didn’t run when they told me to. And I should have just fucking listened.” 

He thought about Barb, Billy, Chrissy, Jason, Eddie. All of them, victims to the thing he’s had nightmares about for years, and he can’t stop his first thought: I’m just glad it wasn’t me. 

But it’s the thought that comes after that he keeps getting hung up on: Should it have been?

“I don’t know what they said about Will. I don’t know what excuse they made up, or what you think happened - if he was lost in the forest, or - or if he ran away, but none of it is true. He disappeared. He wasn’t here anymore. He was gone - literally, gone. In another dimension. Literally.” 

Steve couldn’t know if you were understanding - if you were even capable of believing something so unreal. But you had to. You had to know. He’d been carrying around this secret, and it was the biggest thing in his life. 

Because he wanted to. Because he loved you. He wants you to love him - to understand who you’re loving. 

“Whatever you think about all the shit that happens in Hawkins… they say it’s a curse, or whatever, but - you don’t know the half of it. You don’t know any of it. It’s not a curse. It’s just a coincidence. If it didn’t happen in Hawkins, it would have happened somewhere else.” 

You still hadn’t said anything. You just sat there, staring at your hands in your lap. Steve wasn’t sure if he appreciated the silence or not, but he wasn’t used to it. 

“Will went missing. And a girl showed up. Eleven. El. You’ve seen her with Mike, or Max. You know her. You know Hawkins Lab? That’s where she grew up. She’s not just some girl, she’s - she’s someone’s science experiment. She’s got psychic powers. I’m not kidding.” 

“What?” 

There it was - the tilt in your voice that told him you didn’t believe a damn thing, and he didn’t blame you. 

And he laughed. 

“I swear.” 

“Psychic powers, like…?” 

He grabbed the Coke and took a long drink over a smile. He was looking at you like this was something casual. 

“I’ve seen her lift a car with her mind,” and he shrugged with it. The can rang on the floor; you picked it up and took a drink. 

You said nothing, and Steve felt like he was retelling a movie plot rather than his own life. It wasn’t a good feeling. 

“I don’t know what they were doing in the lab, but they - I don’t know. They opened a gate into another dimension. One just like Hawkins, but fucked up beyond belief. The Upside Down. That’s where Will went. It’s where Barb died. It’s where all your nightmares go to turn into spit soaked monsters, probably.” 

He pulled down his cigarette and rolled it back and forth between his fingers, digging his thumb’s nail into the filter. It was some old menthol crush, the last of its pack that he’d bummed at a party a few weeks back. He hated the way it stung the back of his throat, hated the taste it left in his mouth even more. The Marlboro Reds burned a hole in his hoodie sleeve where they were still hidden. Those smoked better - they were fresher, smoother. 

“Dustin comes up with these insane sounding names for all the shit that comes out of that place. Demogorgans. Demodogs.” He had to chuckle and roll his eyes at himself. “The Mind Flayer. That’s what wrecked Starcourt.” 

“The mall?” 

Steve nodded. 

“You said it was a fire.” 

“I lied.” 

“Then what was it?” 

He put the menthol between his lips. He hated the mint, but he always cracked the capsule, anyway. Someone told him it was bad luck not to.

He stared at you, and he wrapped his teeth around the cigarette filter. His jaw tensed with a bite. It popped, and he grabbed his lighter, and he didn’t look away from you. 

And then he got into it. He told you about Dustin hearing Russian being spoken over his radio. And how he learned how smart Robin really is, when she translated the words and then understood the secret message they were relaying. He explained how they’d gotten Erica to sneak into the air vents, and how that led to all four of them sneaking into a storage room that turned into a sinking elevator. 

He told you about the Russians, about how they were opening their own gate. He told you about getting kidnapped by them, and all the ways they had made those few hours hell. 

He didn’t spare the details, because he was tired of downplaying it all. And in that bunker, he thought he was dead. He shouldn’t have to tiptoe around that. 

And he told you about the drug they’d given him and Robin, and how he would be dead if it wasn’t for Dustin and Erica, and how fucking scared he was even after he got out. 

And they got out, and then he was driving a car straight into Billy fucking Hargrove, and then all of them were fighting something that looked bigger than the entire sky. 

And he doesn’t know how he remembers it all so clearly. 

“And then it was over… and I called you.” He still hadn’t lit his smoke - it’d been hanging from his lips the whole time he spoke. 

You stared at him like you were trying to find his missing pieces. Glass coated your eyes and worry wormed its way between your brows, and Steve hated it. He wasn’t telling you any of this so you’d feel bad. He didn’t want you crying for him, or at all. 

He laughed only just. “And you had no idea what you were picking me up from.” 

You breathed in a loose sniffle. “No shit.” 

Scratch, rip, hit -

Scratch, rip, hit - 

Scratch, rip, hiss.

A flame lit up his face as tobacco started to burn. Nasty numbing mint chilled his throat as he puffed out his chest, and he held in a cough on the exhale. 

He held the lighter loose in the air, between his raised knees. 

“Do you believe me?” 

“I don’t believe you could make any of that up.” 

“I’m sorry I never told you.” Mumbled words were barely heard over the scratch, rip, hit as he played with the Bic like a toy. And he didn’t sound all too sorry - he sounded tired. 

Wind ripped through the night and carried smoke and ash with it. 

“What about spring break?” 

He looked up at you. “What?” 

“Spring break,” you said again. You looked down from his eyes to his neck, where shadows of a bruised scar remained. “Something else happened, didn’t it?” 

Somehow, in the reminiscing of fights past, he’d forgotten about everything most recent. That was the only way he could forget about it - by thinking about all the shit that came before. 

He nodded. “Yeah,” he said, redundant answers easier to give than an explanation. Listening to the scratch, rip, hiss, watching a flickering flame, breathing in more smoke. 

He let go of fidgeting with the lighter to pull the cigarette from his mouth. He exhaled smoke then hit it again; he held the hit so long that what he breathed out was thin. 

And as he ashed his cigarette, he decided he didn’t want to get into it. He didn’t want to replay those events like a story. So, again, he said, “Yeah.” 

“What happened?” It wasn’t a push - Steve appreciated the concern you had. 

“Same as always. It was a fight. It’s… it’s supposed to be over now. Really over.” 

He remembered it like it was yesterday: setting Vecna aflame that caught all of The Upside Down with it. The whole place burned, from its vines to its crumbled buildings to the monsters in the sky. The gates closed themselves like they had never been open. 

And it was over, even if it was too late. 

“The Upside Down is gone. It should be. Hopefully. But… I was lucky to get out. Some of us didn’t.” He shrugged, like it was casual. He stared at the cherry on the cigarette, burning bright orange. 

And he couldn’t keep talking, even though he knew what part came next. He knew what words he had to say. But he couldn’t. 

It seemed you caught on enough, because you said them for him. “Max?”

He clenched his jaw so hard it hurt, holding back tears he’d already cried before. 

“She’s been in a coma since,” he said. “I didn’t know how to tell you.” 

“But you’ve seen her?” 

His response came hesitant. “I’ve tried,” and he wanted to leave it at that, so no cries came after, but his mouth kept talking. “Robin goes in. I can’t even make myself get out of the damn car.” 

All he felt was shame, but he swallowed it. 

“You heard about Chrissy Cunningham?” 

“Yeah.” 

“It wasn’t Eddie Munson who killed her.” You nodded - Steve figured you understood what he meant enough to spare the details. “Eddie - god, Eddie would’ve died for her. He would’ve died for anybody. He died for this fucking town.” 

Another pull from the smoke that was almost gone. Breathe in, breathe out. 

“He was a dumbass. A freak - a fucking idiot.” He wished Eddie was listening to him - Steve wanted him to hear all the insults he was throwing his way, because they were all true. It was stupid the way Eddie died. He shouldn’t have. 

“And Dustin’s been a mess ever since, and there’s nothing I can do. Robin’s a bigger wreck than she used to be. No one’s handling it.” 

“How are you handling it?” 

And Steve didn’t know how to answer. He wasn’t sure he had one. 

“I’m fine.” He wasn’t lying - he was fine. Somewhere between good and bad, coping through flashbacks and nightmares. He wasn’t lost in it. He was dealing. 

“Steve…” 

The last drag from his barely there cigarette burned hot, and he savored the pull until his lungs were full. He didn’t empty them until he stood up, and he looked around for the ashtray. 

His words were smoke. “Do you want to go in? It’s late.” 

He found it on the table, stubbed out the cigarette, and then he stuffed the hidden pack into his pocket. 

You repeated his name behind him, and he ignored you. And then your hand was on his back, and you were pulling him in before he could hear you coming. 

It was a tight hug he had to fight out of just so he could turn and reciprocate. His arms around your shoulders were just as tight as yours around his waist.

“I’m sorry.” It was a whisper he didn’t even know he was breathing out, until he was repeating it into your hairline. “I had to tell you. I needed you to know. I’m sorry.” 

Your response was muddy, spoken into his shoulder. He laughed and pulled back enough to look at you. 

“What?” 

“Don’t say sorry.” You wore a grumpy look, your words were demanding, and Steve laughed some more. “Why are you laughing? Stop.” 

“Because you’re funny.” His thumb smoothed out the worry between your brows and put them back where they belonged. “And really cute.” 

You pressed your cheek into his chest. “I’m being serious. I’m just glad you’re okay.” 

“Yeah. Me too, believe me.”

A kiss on your forehead had you squeezing him tighter, and he ignored how tender the injuries on his back and stomach were. They were just barely forming scars, but the way you hugged him had him feeling like they weren’t even there. It made him feel special. He felt better. 

So he kissed your skin again and willed himself to tamper the thoughts of when he was kissing your lips instead. “Let’s go in, honey.” He pulled you loose from him. 

It seemed like you had a realization, then; your eyes went wide and you looked at him like you couldn’t stop. “That’s why you came to see me that night - because…” 

You trailed off, maybe not knowing what to say, and Steve wasn’t sure where to pick up. He could tell you the suffocating truth, or a less embarrassing lie. 

Something in between, “Because I needed to.” 

“I didn’t know it was that serious,” you said. “I mean - I knew there was something really wrong, but… I didn’t know - I didn’t think that could be our first and last kiss - I didn’t know you could’ve died.” 

“I wasn’t trying to scare you. You weren’t supposed to think that.” He felt bad, but he didn’t regret the visit. “And, technically - it was our first and second kiss.” 

You breathed a laugh as your forehead fell into the crook of his neck. “I hate your technicalities.” 

He laughed, too, and the joy helped distract him from the anxiety running through him. 

He thought about that kiss every day - about how he made sure to do it twice, all because he wasn’t going to die without getting to kiss you a second time. Once wasn’t enough, so he took the second without any time passing. 

But he wouldn’t tell you any of that. He was scared to know how you’d feel about it. 

That’s why he hasn’t brought it up until now. Until you said something first. 

He pulled away from you again, really meaning to bring you inside this time because he hated having you out so late. But he froze when he saw tears on your lash line, looking like crystals clinging to your eyelashes. 

He swore he felt his heart break. “Sweetheart.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t cry - hey, don’t cry for me, alright? I’m right here, honey, hey.” 

He crouched down to be eye level with you and he sat on the table behind him. He cradled your face - you tried pulling away, but he wouldn’t let you. 

“If you would’ve told me the truth, I never would have let you go.” You spoke so sadly. 

“I know. I know, honey, but you don’t have to think about it anymore - it’s okay. There’s nothing to cry about.” 

Tears were still falling, and you were still mumbling through them. “I would’ve kissed you more if I knew you might not come back.” 

And he needed you to stop crying. He’d do anything - he’d confess all his feelings right there, if that’s what it took. 

“I was always coming back. I’m right here, you got me, look at me.” 

You shook your head but did what he said; he was wiping your tears with his sleeve, chuckling through the ache in his chest. 

“You think I was gonna kiss you then go get myself killed? No shot. What’d you think I was living for, huh?”

“That’s not funny, Steve.” But you were smiling. 

“I’m not trying to be.” He was smiling, too. “I mean it. Nothing would keep me from coming back to you, alright? I’m right here - you can keep me forever, I’ll kiss you as much as you want, just stop crying.” 

“I can’t help it.” You wiped your nose and squeezed your eyes closed, and it looked like your breathing was steadier. “Do you mean it?” 

“Which part?” 

“I can keep you forever?” 

“Of course.”

And he watched your cheeks swell into a smile you tried to hide. “And you’ll kiss me?” 

He had no idea how to be charming or sly underneath your gaze, so he wasn’t. Instead, he was a stuttering, shy, lovesick fool. 

“I - I mean, yeah - yeah, if you… want me to, I guess - I mean, I definitely want to, so - it’s up to you?” 

He didn’t even care if he sounded like an idiot, because that’s exactly what he was. And you knew it. 

“Obviously I want you to, Steve.” 

His thumb pressed into your cheek. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

“Obviously, huh?” 

He was obsessed with your smile, addicted to feeling it grow into his palm. 

“I’ve only been sending signals for months, but you haven’t caught any of them.” 

“Oh, I’ve caught them, alright - was just waiting for the right moment.” 

“Like right now?” 

And, just like the first time, you kissed him. It was as soft as it could possibly be. Two smiles meeting after too long apart, his hands on your face, yours on his chest. 

He pulled away, then brought you back to him, tilting your chin so he could kiss you for real. He moved his lips and yours followed his lead. 

Your fingers crawled up and up until they were sneaking behind his neck, getting lost in his hair. He tugged you closer - your body was flush against his. 

He felt you everywhere; you stood between his legs, your chest and his were rising and falling with each other. 

Behind his closed eyes, he was in another world. He saw you pulling him in close, he felt your hand tightening around his, he heard your voice calling out his name.

He heard himself telling you every secret he’d ever kept. He saw the house he’d build for you, and the bed he’d sleep in with you, and the ring he’d give you. He saw it all.

It was heart racing. 

It was wanting to be with you forever. 

It was you wanting to be with him, too. 

And then you pulled away. 

And he opened his eyes. 

And you were right there in front of him, smiling just for him to see, and he felt like melting into a puddle. 

“You’ll kiss me as much as I want, right? Is that what you said?” 

God, he wanted to squeeze you like a stuffed animal - you drove him crazy. Absolutely batshit insane. 

He pulled you back in with both hands on your face and kissed you something awful - pressing against you hard, making sure to leave your lips glossy when he pulled back to laugh. 

“Just like that, as much as you want.” 

“Never again.” 

It was funny when you tugged away from him. Both of you were laughing, but he couldn’t take it. You weren’t getting far. 

“Don’t leave, it’s what you wanted!” 

He chased behind and it was quick when he caught you, right at the patio door. He turned you around and pressed you into the glass, and he kissed you again like he couldn’t help it - because he couldn’t. 

The way you kissed was new, and he already loved it, but he ached to know you. To know just how to get you to open up for him, to learn how to kiss you exactly as you liked. 

He would figure it out - he wouldn’t stop until he did. And he’d make do for the moment, leading the way through your shyness, not letting anything stop him. 

Your lips parted after enough convincing, and with your open mouth against his it was impossible for him to hold back the noise he made. A groan, or a growl, he wasn’t sure - but it had you whining back to him as he tasted your tongue. 

It was hot but it was slow, and there was nothing Steve wouldn’t give for it to last forever. Despite that, he broke first. 

“As much as you want,” he told you, speaking low, words scratched with something rough. “God, I’d kiss you forever if you let me, baby - however you wanted me to.” 

“Forever?” 

“As long as you’ll let me,” he grinned. “As long as you’ll keep me.” 

“I’ve already had you around for a while…” 

“Not like this,” he insisted. “At least let me get good at kissing you before you throw me out on the curb.” 

“You’re already good,” you said, kissing his jaw. 

He hummed, teasing. “Let me get better, then. Gotta get up to par with you, honey.” 

“What can I say? I’ve had a lot of kissing practice, babe.” 

He rolled his eyes, acting dramatic. “Oh, I bet you have, babe.” 

“Like you haven’t had your practice, too, honey.” 

“Okay - let’s stop bringing up the past, alright?” He tugged the glass door open behind you, then pushed you through it. Laughter filled his house as the door shut behind him. 

“You started it!” 

“I literally didn’t! You brought up your hours of practice!” 

“I never said it was hours!” 

“I’m filling in the blanks!” 

“Oh my god.” You were making quick steps to the stairs - he followed like a lost dog. 

“Is this our first fight?” 

You were halfway up the staircase when you turned and looked down to him, still stood at the bottom. The lighting around you was dim and your grin was blinding him. “Only if you don’t let me sleep over tonight.” Your hands were on your hips, your eyes were drawing him in. “And this isn’t our first fight. Our first fight was over a Snickers bar.” 

“And I don’t think we ever made up, now that I think about it.” 

He took the stairs two at a time to get to you, and he gave you his smuggest grin. 

“Really? We’re still fighting over it?” 

“Til the end of time,” he stated. “But I can look past our differences just for tonight.” 

“That gives me time to make it up to you.” 

...

Did you know everything about Steve Harrington?

You thought you did. You spent years believing it. 

You knew more about him than the average person, sure - but how could you have been so smug? How could you act like such a know it all? 

You learn new things about him every day, now. Even when you thought there was nothing left that you didn’t know. 

As it turns out, you knew next to nothing about him. And you liked it that way. It made doing life with him that much more exciting. 

You sat with him now in the passenger seat of his car. The morning sun cast everything in gold, making the day feel brand new. You watched as he tapped his finger on the steering wheel, making a terrible beat. 

He kept shaking his head back and forth, and you only just realized that you had noticed him doing it before. It was a nervous tick. It never stood out to you until now - something new.

“Are you okay?” 

He seemed to freeze at the sound of your voice, as if he had forgotten you were even there. 

“Yeah, I’m alright.” 

You took his hand and brought it up to your lips. 

He continued, “I don’t know if I can do this,” and he looked out the window rather than at you.

You squeezed his hand tight. “I know you can, baby. You did it last week.” 

“It was fucking hard.” 

“It’ll be easier this time. Why won’t you look at me, babe?” 

He did; his eyes were down turned and sad. 

You kissed his hand again. “You don’t have to force yourself, Steve. If it’s really too hard -”

“I have to. I know I do.” 

You gave him a sad smile, then sat up and across the console to kiss his cheek. He leaned into it, and you lingered there. “You’ll be proud of yourself. I’ll be proud of you.” 

“I know.” 

You turned his face toward yours, and he was nothing but stressed. “Are you sure you’re okay, Steve? It’s okay if you can’t push yourself today.”

He sighed loud, and you knew he was trying to be overdramatic. “I’m okay, honey. I just… get like this.” 

You giggled, “I know.” 

“I can’t help it.”

“I know, babe,” and you pressed your lips against his quick. “You’re okay. I’ll be out here the whole time waiting, okay?” 

“Okay. Thank you.” 

You handed him the bouquet of flowers and bag of snacks from your lap. “Lucas is expecting you.” You passed him a stack of old books, ones Steve had picked from your collection that he thought Lucas and Max would enjoy.

He took them, and then he kissed you again, just for the sake of it. “Thank you.” 

He opened his door, and as he stepped out of the car, you found three words on the tip of your tongue threatening to fall out of your mouth - and you slapped a hand over your lips when you realized what they were. 

When he shut the door and you were out of the danger zone, you breathed a deep sigh of relief. 

You were nervous because of him. 

That was new, too. 

You watched through the windshield as he walked toward the hospital doors, and you said those three words to yourself, and tucked that new discovery into your back pocket. 

It was all new horizons with Steve, from there on out. 

He was brand new to you, and you absolutely loved him for it.  

-

part one!

thank u for reading. kiss

[collectivecloseness]

E.M. Little Mermaid AU

Chapter 1

Eddie Munson x reader

Summary: Three days after Eddie Munson dies in the Upside Down, you’re called to make a deal with the not so dead Vecna. One where your boyfriend will be brought back to live a long and healthy life, but after the next three days, you need to receive true loves kiss from him. The only problem is Eddie won’t remember you... and you’ll have no voice. You, and the rest of the party, have three days to make Eddie fall in love with you all over again; especially since you don’t know what power you’ve given Vecna by making a deal with him...

(Notes: Plot loosely based on both movie versions of the little mermaid. Refs to Vecna having a ‘special’ interest in reader, esp in this chapter, but only em/r. Cw: references to character death and trauma)

3 days. It had been three days since Eddie had died in the upside down. And you’d been able to do nothing about it except hold him as he passed.

You had apologised to Steve for slapping him, right after he threw you over his shoulder and dragged you out of the upside down himself because you were still clinging to Eddie. Just wanting to stay with him, uncaring if that sealed your fate too or not.

Steve had of course forgiven you. He was a good man. You could tell he was upset not being able to save his friend also.

But Eddie was more than your friend. He was your soulmate. Your everything. Your future. What would you do now Eddie’s future had gone? Where was your part in the world now?

Nancy had taken the gun out of your hands the moment Steve landed your feet back on the grass and soil, over where the entrance had sealed closed, a gateway through the woods near Eddie’s home. She followed you when you stumbled behind a tree a few steps away. But all you did was hunch your back over, and vomit up your insides onto the ground.

Robin had caught you before you could fall onto your knees into it. And she’d been holding you as Steve held Dustin. You didn’t know what Robin was saying to you. You caught glimpses of what was happening around you, but you weren’t really paying attention.

Eddie was dead. And he wasn’t coming back.

You tried to save him. You’d thrown yourself over him. Your arm had shielded part of his torso as the demobats ripped his stomach open, but it wasn’t enough.

Joyce stitched up your wrecked arm, but you didn’t feel the pain.

Eleven had tried to talk to you. Tried to tug on her older sibling figures shirt. But your eyes remained misty and dazed.

Right up until the moment you burst into tears.

And you hadn’t stopped crying. Not for two days, all you did was cry and scream and choke. You’d had to tell Wayne what happened. He cried with you. But separately.

It was the third night now. You were in Eddie’s room, Robin and Steve staying over today. Wayne couldn’t handle it tonight, he was staying with a good friend, just to sleep.

The first night no one had slept, you’d cried all night in the room where you told Wayne his nephew- his son was dead.

The second you’d stayed in Eddie’s bed. Face buried in the dirty laundry that still smelled of him all over his pillows and covers, sobbing as you looked over the pile of his trinkets and collections all over his room. His room had once been your entire world, because it was just so Eddie. You couldn’t bare the thought of any of it being gone, Wayne moving any of it, because you couldn’t deal with the fact Eddie was gone.

You kept the necklace Eddie gifted you close to your heart, as you had since the moment he’d clasped it around your neck. Pressing a kiss to your ear as he did so - you could still feel the tickle from his laugh, his lips against your ear, his hands warm and always so loving pressing on your shoulders, after his fingers daintily brushed away any of your hair that may get caught, in case you got hurt, twirling your hair around his rings.

Eddie told you you could fill the locket with anything you wanted. He’d even offered up the thought of chopping off a lock of his shaggy mullet, a thought he’d have once been mortified by. Now you wished you’d taken up the offer, but you still liked what it held instead.

Opening the pendant up, at least you would be able to still see that picture you took of Eddie. Smiling, that smile he only ever gave because of you, one that anyone upon looking would immediately be able to sense the love radiating from him in the photo, from the moment it was taken. His big doe brown eyes, those ones you missed staring back at you so much, looking right at the camera, at you every time you looked at it. It felt like he was looking into your soul, even when he was still... And with this you could hold him to your heart, always.

Right now as you lay motionless, unable to cry much tonight, you looked over at Eddie’s vast collection of guitars. Electric and acoustic. You always thought he was so musically talented, and you told Eddie so.

You weren’t nearly as good. Although there was one song you’d always sing to him. You didn’t have the words, but it was a melody. You couldn’t remember if you’d heard it somewhere before, if it was a lullaby, or a song you’d made up as a child, but- but you’d always hum that tune to Eddie when he was sad. It made him feel comforted. That small chorus of notes. You’d sing that melody to him every time Eddie needed it. Your throat felt dry thinking you may never sing it again.

You’ll never see Eddie again.

You’ll never see Eddie again...

You’ll never see Eddie again...

You didn’t remember closing your eyes, you had been so exhausted not even the last three days, but all the time spent trying to help Eddie before you failed him. But suddenly you were dreaming. Well, you thought you were at first. But then it all felt so real.

“Eddie?.. EDDIE!!!” You run over to where you see Eddie walking towards his trailer. Wayne is standing by the door, well worn cigarette dropped on the floor in shock.

And Eddie, your Eddie, is turning around, looking all over, confused, but unharmed. “Y/n?”

You cheer silently, a gasp leaving your massive grin, as you run over to Eddie. Feeling so soothed the moment he wraps his leather clad arms lovingly around your body, his ringed and clean hands immediately burying themselves in your hair, as Eddie always did... does.

Your face is buried into Eddie’s dark curls. A whimper leaves your lips. Eddie’s conditioner smells just the same, and you can catch his sweat, but no grime, in his scent too, pressing your nose and lips to his neck as your chin rests on his black leather jacket, eyelashes fluttering against his mulleted hair that tickles them. And you’re happy.

Eddie’s back! You have to tell everyone!!

Your hands tighten around Eddie’s waist. And while he pulls you in closer, he still doesn’t hurt you with his grip. Ever tender with you, his love. You press a shaky, teary, kiss to his neck, tasting your own salted tears over the small hairs there, and you sink into Eddie’s embrace, ready to look back once more at your boyfriends gorgeous face.

Only to find he doesn’t have one.

You fall back to the ground with a scream caught in your throat, your hands hitting the stone hard dirt as you look at Eddie, pale, faceless, a blur of nothing, just a shape behind perfectly familiar curls, standing above you aimlessly.

The flash of his face, that face, only lasts a moment. And you’re remembering how it felt having Eddie back. The need to tell everyone he was alive still so pertinent.

That need still, the sound of your thoughts, “Eddie’s back... you can see him again” echoey but not unpleasantly loud. The knowledge of Eddie being in your arms just a small step in the future away, they all stay deep in your gut, as demobats swirl above you. No blood on their mouths like the last time you saw them. The sky just red and blue, as it had been down there three days ago. As the same voice you thought you defeated calls to you, to let you know that he promises what you intially experienced just then was real...

Your whole body jolts on Eddie’s bed, finding yourself still facing the side, only a minute or two having passed on the dragon alarm clock you bought Eddie four months ago.

Steve and Robin were still in the kitchen, you saw the light through the slit in Eddie’s door. Wayne still gone for the night. And with everyone out the room, you knew what you felt, what he told you was real.

Vecna had released you. And you can still hear him.

When his voice tells you to follow the bats, you peek outside Eddie’s worn out curtains, and find two demobats, out of place in this world, and in their nature, sitting idly on Eddie’s front lawn. Just waiting for you.  Even though they’re what killed Eddie, you still follow.

Still wearing regular clothes, one of your favourite shirts of Eddie’s on your torso, your necklace under it, you quickly slip on your shoes by his bed without even looking, and make your way to the open space of his trailer.

Steve and Robin immediately stop talking, both turning to you with that same look they’ve had for two or three days now. Not that you’re looking much place else other than the door.

“Hey!.. Hey y/n.”

“Hey man.”

Steve and Robin both greet you, quietening down as their bodies relax while talking to you. Just wanting you to be safe, and knowing right now you need their support more than ever.

You give them a quick nod, but you know you can’t go out there and follow those demobats without getting Steve and Robin uninterested in your comings and goings.

Your friends were eagle eyed looking out for you at the moment, all of them. And you were thankful that your friends were so loving, but right now, you knew you had to get out there.

And so you turned to your biggest target first, Steve, before your eyes had to look anywhere else, to not see all the emotion swimming in his soft brown ones. “I’m just taking a walk. I need to stretch my legs. Get some fresh air in my brain. I don’t think I’ve been feeding it anything else.”

“We- We’ve got pizza!” Robin offers, bringing over a half eaten pizza box from lunch. As they’d all been trying to find quicker ways to eat, to shower, to sleep, because dealing with their traumas right now was time consuming enough.

“Yeah! Let me make you an energy smoothie or something, get some pizza with Robin, like she said.” Steve enthuses, pressing a hand to Robin’s shoulder and giving her a nod, one she gratefully returns; both turning around to do their tasks for you in sync, before you interrupt them.

“No I’m fine. Seriously guys, I just need, like, ten minutes of walking.” It would probably be longer than ten minutes. But you needed them to let you out the house. And they couldn’t exactly be mad at you for lying to them with what you were going through right now.

“We can go with you! Or just one of us, silently.” Steve says enthusiastically, although that last part directed right at Robin. But you shake your head before he can go on, your eyes flitting to the closed curtain on the trailer door as you try to see if they’re still waiting.

“No, guys, I-“ your hand goes to your chest, breathing stuttered. “I just need some time alone with my thoughts. Please. I promise they’re not the self destructive kind. I just need to think.” You looked to both of them, eyes serious.

Steve looks nervous. His eyes a little wider and his lip more bitten, like he already knows he wants to say no, but he’s not sure how to do it without upsetting you any bit. Until Robin surprises him by pressing her hand to his wrist, and stepping up. “Okay. Ten minutes. Try and stay in the trailer park, and like, yeah, if it gets over ten minutes we’ll come to find you, but that’s okay. Just yell if you need anything, alright?”

You were too grateful to be leaving quicker than you could say a thank you, too quick out the door to see Steve giving Robin a look like he wanted to intervene, before she shook her head. Moving towards the window silently, to peek open the curtains, and Steve immediately understanding her.

Inside the park or not, Steve still needed to reassure himself over your safety, so did Robin. Getting his shoes on and kicking Robin’s towards her silently, both grabbing their makeshift weapons still by the front door of the trailer, just in case, Steve too protective not to right now, they both followed you out the door quick enough to see your back moving through the dark trees of Hawkins.

You had stopped dead in front of the demobats, waiting to see if they’d rip you apart just like they did Eddie.

Especially now they were intruding on his home, right after they’d stolen everything from him.

But instead they’d just... looked at you. The feeling was odd, making your skin crawl. Before the nearly identical demobats looked at each other, then chirped nightmarishly before swooping into the sky, gliding at a slow pace above you, to make sure you followed along.

Settling your heartbeat in your chest, at hearing that cry again, the last time you heard it being as Eddie’s own cry joined the chorus, you tried to steady yourself as you followed them. The vision of Eddie, back in your arms, back home - and his voice still looming in your head - causing you to follow.

You went through the woods, following them the whole walk until they took you to a patch of land closeby you knew well from experience was an opening. The one you’d narrowly escaped from three days prior. Leaving Eddie down there.

Robin and Steve had followed along, silently, even as they saw the demobats. They were just glad they’d brought their weapons. They stayed tight knit with each other, not knowing why you were following, if you were under Vecna’s trance again or something, but sneaking along to make sure you would be alright. They knew how ruined you were after Eddie. But they wouldn’t lose you too.

It was only until they saw where the ground had opened up underneath the swirling demobats, and saw you watching the creatures, before looking in the hole, that they yelled.

“Y/N NO!”

You jumped. And Steve and Robin screamed.

They ran right up to where you were, and without a second of hesitation, gripped onto their weapons and each other’s hand, as they leaped into the opening to the Upside Down behind you.

Following the demobats, you shivered as you walked through the upside down, the hellscape you thought you’d all defeated just a few days ago. Not that you could care too much that it was still here right now, not when you were too caught up in having lost your everything to attempt to do so. Now it seemed like it was all for nothing.

The demobats flew slowly so you could carry on at your pace, gliding above you as they lead you. Such a different temperament to when they were all... descending.

They were going to lead you past that spot. You knew it was coming up. So you had to do all in your power to keep your head down, and have your eyes still following the shadows of the monsters in this dim and hellish world. You couldn’t see Eddie like that. After three days. With all those wounds. You gently stroked your healing arm, nervously. And if you did look and he wasn’t there... You didn’t realise you’d been hyperventilating until you heard your own breath.

The noise finally louder than your own thoughts, upon noticing you quickly fought to regain control, a hand on Eddie’s necklace pressed to your chest as you sped up a little, it giving you some bravery as his picture, his gift, reminded you of why you were being brave, and following the demobats as you focused on breathing. They’d already destroyed his body when he was alive, you didn’t want to think of anyone hurting your boy more even after his suffering was supposed to have ended...

Steve and Robin followed close by, weapons ready, bodies never not touching each other, wanting to stay side by side to not be separate, so their platonic other half wouldn’t be hurt. Keeping them safe. Following you silently, as they scanned the place you were heading.

Truthfully, Steve and Robin don’t know what they would do without each other at this point. They’re the only one who... They almost lost each other, so many times the last couple of weeks. It really seemed like they could never rest, now they were back here again. Arms brushing even as they try to stop their weapons from clanging. They’re going to get each other, and you, out of here, together.

They make that promise to themselves each time they make eye contact with their best friend, while they both follow you covertly.

Your breath became a little stuttery as the demobats swooped closer, more at your shoulder height now, and you were lead to an opening, like a rock formation, maybe even a cave, in the woods. Not like the one Eddie used to take you though. This one was bigger... and you’d never felt frightened being with Eddie.

Not until the end.

Now as you saw who was waiting in the entrance, you’d never felt fear like it. Again, until you remembered how you had with Eddie. How nothing could be worse than that memory. And you felt rage, as you were face to face with the human, and smiling, form of Vecna. Alive, and waiting for you, with patience and intrigue.

“Hello y/n.”

You wanted to scream. That’s all you wanted to do. Your anger, your fear, your guilt from your entire life, the way you’d lost Eddie, how unfair it was for him to still think of himself the way he did when he died, when he was one of the best people out there, the way Eddie had died, a hero, just to help defeat this man. This monster. And here he was standing, smiling at you. Both alone.

You wanted to run over there and punch and claw and kick at him until your lungs were raw and your tears made you blind. But better instincts kicked in, and even with all your rage, you knew what was happening here was not right. Your feet took a step back on the, now vineless, rocks, but a woosh of wind from those monster creatures behind you pushed you forward.

Instead of cruelly thinking to yourself how these mutts would be the death of you just like your love, you kept moving forward. And you stood in front of Vecna, Henry, 001, Peter, whatever, you stood in front of him, and you did not falter.

“Why aren’t you dead?”

A smile blossomed through his teeth, and the demobats stayed quiet, behind you, by the entrance. As Vecna circled a position of stones laid by his feet, you circled too, never wanting to let him get you off guard.

“Well that’s a lovely greeting. And here I was wanting to be your friend.”

Robin held her hand on the back of Steve’s, seeing him bouncing in place ready to burst in and tear you out of there, as they got to the entrance upon hearing voices. Both of them felt nearly as awful as you did, seeing Vecna back, alive, smiling. But they stayed put, waiting to see what was happening, even though it killed the both of them to watch him close to their friend. The trauma locked away as they determined to stay strong in this moment for you. They knew you’d need it.

“I’m not going to be friends with you.” You spat, your teeth grit so hard in your mouth you were starting to taste blood. That or the memory of this place was bringing back old senses falsely alerted.

“Oh no? Well that’s a shame. Not even when I’m here to give you a gift?” Vecna cooed, his head tilting, still never taking his eyes off you.

You stopped walking now. Blinking, you took in his words. They were of course teasing, but the actual meaning didn’t seem so to you. You’d met this more human version of Vecna in visions he’d given you before. When you were all at war with him. This seemed like some sort of form in front of you, not just in your mind, although you knew Steve, Robin and Nancy destroyed his physical body. But here was what was left of him. And you could tell his words had some truth behind them.

“What would you have for me?” You questioned, knowing there was only one thing you’d want. Knowing, you didn’t know enough to be able to tell if he could actually give you that, in any way, at all.

Until his words worked with your thoughts, perfectly.

His eyes shone, and his smile never once faded, as Vecna answered you “The only thing you truly want.”

Your heart thumped, a ticklish feeling in your chest like electricity. Feeling it was hard to move your fingers, or your feet, or even to move at all. Just stood there in the face of Vecna’s proposal.

“Eddie’s dead.” The words hurt to say, but you couldn’t afford to be weak around him.

“Mm, right now yes, Eddie is.” Vecna tilted his head, some spark of delight in the conversation. A twinkle of knowledge. “As dead as all the others you and your friends lost. But Eddie doesn’t have to stay that way.” Vecna could practically feel your emotions rushing hot through your body. And he loved it. “What if that were to change? What would you do, to bring Eddie back?”

You tugged Eddie’s shirt further down your shoulders, trying to wrap yourself in it, hoping he’d protect you from this cold chill you weren’t so sure was just to do with the Upside Down. “You can’t do that.”

“OF COURSE I CAN!” Lightning boomed and struck wildly outside. You gasped shrilly as you span to see it, the red and white flashes like claws striking the sky, the two demobats flying and squawking up above the cave like formation’s high ceiling, in place. Unable to see Robin and Steve ducking down, cradling their weapons and each other at this display.

You’d noticed the lack of vines, only two demobats here, but the lighting, his form being here... Clearly Vecna was back in business. If not slightly stunted by you and your friends escapades. By Eddie’s help. Maybe that’s why he had ‘devolved’ to making deals with you.

Vecna calmed as the storm did, a tonal blue outside, even if still dark, as he smoothed back his wavy blonde hair. Smiling at you once again.

You took a step closer, your eyes squinted and questioning on him, but your mind only swirling with Eddie’s face again. Not the vision Vecna had shown you, but your own thoughts. Eddie right back at home, with you, as he deserves to be.

“What’ve you got to lose?” Vecna asks, his voice a soft fry. “I know why Nancy Wheeler took that gun off you so quickly when you got back. Surely you’d do anything to bring Eddie back, where he rightfully belongs. So young to be torn away.”

You swallow. Hands trembly, but body firm, as you remembered the past three days of torment. Knowing how you would’ve give your life for him, right then and there, but you couldn’t go back and change things. How you might’ve even been able to live with yourself tearing the whole town apart, if only Eddie had survived it. And if Vecna has even a chance of what he says he can, what wouldn’t you give?

“You... Can you really do that?” Hope, for the first time in three days, is layered in your voice. Deep under your show of strength, and concerned distrust. But it’s there enough for Vecna to be able to discern it immediately. He knew it’d be there anyway. You really were so easy for him to get.

“My sweet soul, of course I can. Why would I invite you to my home if I couldn’t do what I’m telling you?” His hand goes to his heart, and yours clench tightly by your sides. “You know you’re special to me. Of course I’ll help you out y/n.”

Steve and Robin move forward, weapons in hand, only to be shocked into silence as the demobats swoop out of nowhere in front of them. No squawking or biting or anything, just blocking them, which to your two friends, was infinitely more scarier once they realised.

Especially once they saw that smirk on Vecna’s face, like he knew. And as he took more comfortable steps towards you.

“Think of it as me turning a new leaf. Helping the miserable, the lonely, and depressed, such as yourself y/n.” He smiled charmingly.

Your jaw flexed to the side as you frowned. Your eyes never leaving Vecna, not that he wanted the opposite, as he stood happily close to you now, explaining finally why he’d summoned you here.

Maybe helping to bring light to why you’d followed so willingly, also.

It’s true you were all those things, but you didn’t think Vecna was turning around so quickly.

Vecna alluded from explaining for a few more seconds, instead pacing in front of you with a coy smile on his face, his finger tapping at his chin. “I know I haven’t been... the loveliest to you y/n. You or your loved ones. They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, a bitch.” He chuckled softly.

You almost could too. You made some kind of sound. Remembering how common a nickname it had been for your party. At least, for a little while. Before.

“But I mean it. This once.” He held his finger up, in front of his nose. “Call it what you like, a change of heart, mending my ways, repenting for my sins, seeing the light, all that shit.” He swivelled sharply, standing still in front of you, hands behind his back, head leaned forward to you.

You stood your ground. Even though his smile reminded you of how... close Vecna had seemed to like to get to you in the couple of visions he gave you. You were surprised when Nancy said he’d acted slightly differently towards her in her vision. Eddie had chimed, more like feared, that maybe you were a ‘favourite’ of his. Which is why he picked you to have those visions a little more than the other four young adults around you.

But now it didn’t matter. Not if he could help bring Eddie back. You were listening to every word intently.

“I can bring Eddie back to you. Fully. The way he was.”

You folded.

Your knees went weak. Having to catch yourself before you could visibly stumble too much in front of him, but also so uncaring to that, now he’d said what he’d said. “Really? You really can? Bring Eddie back properly? Not like a... a zombie, or a possessed ‘puppet’ of yours or-“ your voice was wobbling.

“No just like he was before. Exactly the same Eddie as you know, that is for certain.” Vecna nodded. “Of course, there’s a few caveats to that.”

Your breath flew out your lungs. You didn’t trust Vecna for a second. But the thought of Eddie actually being able to come back... To be brought back to life again...

Steve and Robin dodged through the demobats at hearing this, hearing your voice and knowing what it meant. But they only got a step before the monstrous creatures were back again, this time their wings outstretched in front of the two, and snarling dangerous looks on their faces as they hissed.

“Caveats?” You asked, your eyes tracking Vecna widely as he circled around the pebble grouping on the ground, looking up from them, before motioning you closer with a beckoning finger.

“I can bring him back for three days. The same amount of time he was gone. But don’t worry! Besides anything else, I personally assure you, that if you agree to this, and do everything you need to, that I tell you to do, no matter even if you don’t fulfil the contract in the end, Eddie will stay alive for the rest of his natural life. As if he’d never been so brutally ripped apart alive and murdered in the first place.”

You shivered at his words, and you saw his teeth glimmer in response as his lips stretched further in a smile. But he seemed serious, at least, about that part being true.

“Well, he’ll have a long life granted if he doesn’t, I don’t know, get hit by a car while drunk, or falsely shot for a crime he didn’t do, I’m not making him immortal. Just bringing him back. To you.”

You couldn’t even care about how those last two words were practically crooned at you by Vecna. A man who, you hadn’t really figured out, before he was ‘killed’. You knew Hopper had come back as Sheriff to clear Eddie’s name, although too late, even if it gave some peace to Wayne. But what Vecna was offering...

“However, Eddie won’t have his memories of you.”

This shot your head straight up. Your eyes bulging and your heart stuck in your throat, as you received this information.

Yes, you would do anything to bring Eddie back. And he said just agreeing and doing what he asked right now would mean Eddie would stay alive even past those three days. But the thought of him not knowing who you were... if you weren’t in this situation, with this monster, tears would surely be in your eyes. Vecna wanted to explain his plan it seemed though, so you never got too long to ponder over certain specifics he said.

“By the time the sun sets on the third day he’s back, you need to receive something off of Eddie. Something which will bring his memories back of you, and let you both live out the rest of your lives, as if none of this... nastiness,” Vecna held your hand in both of his, patting, before stroking over the fresh scar across your forearm, “had ever happened...”

You, slowly, pulled your hand away. Still listening, but not wanting to piss off Vecna. His blue eyes shot sharp into yours the moment you even started to pull away however. And even though it did make your heart jump, you held your own hand instead, putting it down by your middle, and carried on trying to get all the information you needed for Eddie. “What do I need to get from him?”

Vecna smiled again. You weren’t sure if it was because he was closer, so you could see him more, but this smile felt different. And as he spoke, his voice was so much more softer, as he practically whispered to you “True loves kiss...”

You shoved his chest, backing up a few steps. Vecna looked offended, brushing off his white shirt, while you felt nothing but loathing rile up in you. “Are you serious? How old do you think I am, six? What-“

“Stop talking and listen y/n.” He snapped coldly again, his lips thin, and face sharp.

You did as he said. Closing your mouth, but continuing to stay those few feet apart. Your distrust and despite for him growing more and more.

“What I’m saying is true. I’m experimenting with some new power. And who better to try it on than, you?” He sighed, and the way he looked you up and down made you sure he’d be stroking your cheek right now if he was still so close.

“You poor, desperate, thing. Willing to do anything for your poor Eddie, even make a deal with me.” He sighed folornly at you.

You’re unsure if you’ve ever seen him actually almost enjoying himself. Even while still seeming annoyed he wasn’t controlling all your outcomes like you’re sure he’d love to. Although with how close you were to killing him, you guess him being so close to oblivion might have shaken things up slightly.

“What would you get out of bringing Eddie back?” You ask, genuinely curious because surely he doesn’t expect you to think he’d do this out of the kindness of his heart. He’d never shown any liking towards Eddie. He and his bats were the reason he was dead. He killed him.

Vecna paced one more step, before turning to you, and a dark look you’d seen in his eyes too many times in your short experience with him, flamed once more. “Chaos. Power.”

You inhaled sharply, holding that breath as Vecna walked closer, his mouth rambling along with his twisted mind. “Putting everything out of place for once. Changing human nature so it’s not so destructively and uselessly linear.” Vecna riled up, talking faster and darker and louder and confident. “The chaos of putting someone living again back on the earth who wasn’t before, who’s body was going to rot in this place, bringing him back to live his life on that ground again, doesn’t that show my power?”

You weren’t sure you were supposed to answer. You just watched him. Eventually, a small curl upwards of his lips caught your attention. “Of course, using ‘true loves kiss’ as an end all seems quite powerful, for someone like me to do also. Although there’s another reason that is part of the seal.” He partly explained, and you retained it to memory to make sure that was answered later.

“But it’s not just what I get out of it, it’s what I need before I... allow you and Eddie to be my show of power, and I give you this gift.” He smiled charmingly.

A sick feeling crawled through your veins.

“Of course. I can’t believe we got this far into talking without discussing payment.” You rolled your eyes, your arms coming to cross over your chest, even if your mind and soul was open to what he was saying right now.

But you know Vecna’s tricks. You know his soul. If he even has one. And you dryly chuckle, nodding slowly. “I got it, my life for his, right?” You shake your head, biting your lip, with still some sort of smile on your face at the twisted irony.

You wouldn’t go down to Vecna. For the sake of Eddie’s memory.

Not unless there was absolute certainty...

Because while you would, you would do anything for Eddie, in a heartbeat you would trade your life for his, you do not trust Vecna to uphold his end of the bargain, especially in a situation where you can’t check if he has or not.

“No no no that’s child’s play.” Vecna says quickly. Easily brushing off the notion, which you thought was a stickler. You are surprised, and it definitely keeps you listening, with the thought of you and Eddie being back together seeming not so much like a dream anymore.

“That’s child’s play,” he repeated, spat, “swapping one life for another. I told you y/n I want to show power.”

‘Eddie, Eddie, Eddie’

It’s all you can think about. It was louder than your own thoughts. But you tried to make sure none of this was a trick, although you were sure it was in some way. You knew what he was like, what he had done to El, what he could do to you, you tried to be smart enough to make sure Eddie would come back alive, or you’d be able to kill Vecna right here right now.

“Okay. So what do you want?”

Vecna takes those steps closer in your personal space now. You stand strong. But when his eyes slowly linger, down to your throat, and his hand twitches large by his sides, you can’t help but gulp. Your anxiety actually making it worse. Your veins fluttering in your neck as your eyes tracked his from staring at it, to slowly trailing back up to your own, and his lips spreading into a smile as he spoke up, loudly and clearly.

“Your voice...”

You lean your front back, your neck and head extended that way too, as your own hand comes to rub tenderly over your neck. Realising now as you tried to speak, just how hard it sometimes could be. “M-My voice?”

He nods, his eyes flipping from your hand on your neck, back up to yours. “Just for three days.” He poses. As if it’s that simple.

You weren’t the only one struck by this revelation though.

“Y/-!” Steve and Robin tried to call out for you simultaneously. Their weapons pushing back against the demobats, even if they were still several feet away by the entrance.

They were quickly shut up though, as the few withering vines that were left snapped to attention, and coiled themselves throughly over Steve and Robin’s mouths. Wrapping around their bodies enough so they couldn’t fight back, as the ends twisted and turned to shut them up.

Both friends facing each other, terrified, and looking back to you, who still hadn’t noticed your friends who would’ve talked you out of something so dangerous, having followed you, to help you. Terrified not just for themselves but because they knew what you were going through. And that you were fragile.

Luckily for them the vines didn’t squeeze. They just held them there. As if they themselves, were focused only on waiting for your response.

You kept rubbing your neck, thinking about how your breath sounded, how you used to chat and sing and laugh with Eddie. Why Vecna would need or want that. All these thoughts flowing through your head, that and still ‘Eddie, Eddie, Eddie!’, but you had to use your voice while you can, and ask him at least one thing importantly.

“But without my voice, how will I get him to remember me? Or- or fall in love with me again?”

“You’ll have your looks!” Vecna says, in a way that sounds oddly unlike him, but also as if he’s mocking you, which does seem slightly more in character.

“That pretty face will do wonders...” He hums, his lips pressing together at the end of his sentence as he looks at you.

You feel that chill in the air again.

“And who needs words, y/n? I’m sure you can attempt multiple methods of yours. Eddie’s kind, isn’t he? That’s what you’ve been trying to teach all the others, in your backwards town, in that ignorant world.” Vecna talks, as if spreading a teaching to you.

You definitely know how he feels about the majority of humanity. Having only interacted with few in his existence, he may be more inclined to inform opinions on those he has met. Including, to varying degrees, you and Eddie.

“I’ve watched you, you’re smart, you’re resourceful, you’re... peppy.” The way Vecna enunciates that last word seems to contain a meaning you can’t be bothered to decontstruct right now.

“It will hardly matter if you and Eddie are truly soulmates, will it?” Vecna asks you, as if he is serious which you know he is not. He seems to twist into showing his discontent for yours and Eddie’s lovey dovey semantics as he moves on, with a smile. “Besides, even without dialogue, I’m sure you can use some body language to entice Eddie back.”

You look at Vecna with disgust. Eddie is not like that. He isn’t, not was you still think with relief, with hope, even as you scowl at the monster who was the reason he was dead. Especially when the way Vecna said it, how he looked you up and down, how this was one of the few times any of you would ever see him smile, it made your skin crawl.

You’d say you knew what men could be like, but you would not call Vecna a man. Not even when he was before. He’s always been a monster. But Eddie is not like that. He wouldn’t see you like that, he didn’t. And your Eddie is not a monster either.

Vecna has that look on his face again. The curious one, where he tilts his head. Even when he seems like he’s trying to be ‘playful’, he just always looks full of anger to you.

“Oh come on y/n. I’ve seen it up there. You don’t need your voice. I mean surely, not for Eddie right?” Vecna twists and twists his words. His eyebrows raising as does the corner of his lips, revealing those shark like teeth, whenever he sees you being pulled in by him.

“Men up there don’t like the girls who gossip and yap and bore, at least, that’s what I heard.” He squints his eyes, smiling as he takes another step forward. You think his eyes are shark like too.

You know he doesn’t know Eddie. It’s very clear especially with his words. Eddie and you used to talk, and talk, and talk. You both loved having someone to just talk to, about anything on your mind, for hours at a time; someone who understood what it was like to want to, someone who listened.

When you took a step back, Vecna changed up his method.

“Eddie though, now he never avoids conversation, he is impressed with how you keep up with him, how you can listen and entertain, how you two fit so well even when talking together unendingly, don’t you love that about him? Do most men live up to Eddie Munson?” Vecna asks you, as if he’s curious for your answer. Not just trying to manipulate you.

You notice he uses the word ‘is’ for Eddie. But you also notice the word ‘live’. Your head feels like it’s burning, everything feels so confusing right now.

Robin and Steve struggle to yell behind you.

“But even Eddie would think you were cute, how could he not, still? He would dote on you just the same as before. Knowing Eddie, he might just trip as he fawns over you being so... quiet.” Vecna purrs, leaning forwards again, so close he can afford that last word to be mewled quietly. And with him breathing down at you, for you to still be able to hear him perfectly.

“If you hold your tongue, it may just save your heart.”

You gulp. Feeling like you’re about to choke on your own tongue.

Vecna lifts one thin finger, and so so gently, brushes it down your pulsing neck, right from the centre of your chin, down gentlemanly to the beginning of your collarbone. Removing his hand afterwards. “Don’t you want to win your prize y/n?”

You hate that your breaths are shaky. Because Vecna can hear them, he can probably feel them on his skin. If he really is here, which you suppose now he is, in some way, since you could feel him too. But you don’t want to gulp either, not this close. So you keep on breathing. Until you have enough air in your lungs to speak again.

“Eddie will remember me.” You say confidently. Certain in your meaning, although your voice not sounding quite as harsh as you’d want it to, although still induitible. Still confident, about Eddie, in front of Vecna.

“Sure.” Vecna squints his eyes as he nods. Backing up again, as he paces around his cave.

For a moment you’re begging to yourself that you didn’t piss him off. Because you need Eddie back. Then you find yourself pissed at not wanting to piss Vecna of all people off. But you swallow your emotions, with a gulp now he’s not looking, because Eddie is more important to you than anything.

You hate thinking this, but you would probably do anything Vecna asks you to do right now, all if it meant bringing Eddie back.

“I need something from you.” Vecna turns, his eyes not on you, but body pacing closer.

A shiver runs down your spine. But you force yourself to stay in place, for him.

“Something from you and Eddie. Parts of you.”

Your body completely freezes now, apart from your heart plummeting to your stomach.

You blink tears out of your eyes, ignoring the tickling of your eyelashes to keep your form strong in front of Vecna, even though now you’re presumably to be faced with your worst fear. Which was definitely not him...

“Where-“ you swallow shakily, your spit feeling vile in your own throat. “Where’s his body?..”

“No no no.” Vecna tuts at you, his finger shaking as he finally looks at you again, with that condescending narcissistic look you’re more used to seeing on his features.

“You’re darling. Not like that. I need something physical from you two, from when Eddie was alive of course. I presume you’ve heard of DNA by now?”

You had. Especially with all the snooping through files at the Creel place, you’d started doing a lot more scientific research then you ever would’ve done at Hawkins High. Especially when planning on how to prove Eddie’s innocence as a back up plan once you’d saved the town. Ultimately it didn’t end up saving him anyway.

You know what it is. The fact Eddie is currently dead you know all too well also. But Vecna can’t be asking the impossible of you this early on.

However when you start to ask, your jaw moving open in confusion, Vecna moves in again, just millimetres from you.

His elbow nearly brushing against your torso as he raises his hand. His eyes trained to your lips. While his hand moved upwards, and gently grabs your chin. His touch cold, but body presence emanating onto yours. Vecna’s thumb slides, caressing up your chin... but stopping before he can touch your lips.

Almost like he doesn’t want to contaminate them.

“There’s still traces of Eddie with you y/n. They will fade soon. Then so will Eddie.”

Your heart beats, trying not to suck in your lips, your body warming in thought you still have Eddie’s touch you on, his live touch. His last kiss still lingering with you, living on, even three days later. Even now he was gone.

The mix of your fluttering emotions tingling throughout your body doesn’t change the fact Vecna is still so close and grasping you, still looking to your lips with wicked desire.

Desire for his plans you’re sure. Although you’re not sure what else your lips may hold of interest to him.

“And that’s why our kiss can also break the seal?” You ask, chin upturned, mouth barely moving with his hold, but your eyes nonplussed at him, except for determination of your goal.

“True loves kiss.” He interrupts seriously. Moving his eyes to you, from your lips finally, although his fingers still graze under your chin. “They’re very different things. I need that to prove my power, love defeating death and all those things you don’t need to know about. So that’s what will break it in our little contract.” Vecna finally let’s go of you.

You rub your jaw with gritted teeth, while Vecna backs up a step, not before you take a breath.

“Why? Just for power?” You ask again. He did seem a lot weaker than before. Especially if he was just... talking to you like this, making a deal like he said. Then again, you thought he was dead. But if anything could bring Eddie back.

Vecna nods, but with a tilt in his head, hands held in front of him. “There is one last thing yes.”

He doesn’t need to take a step forward this time. He only leans in.

“If you don’t succeed, you belong to me.”

Robin and Steve barely have time to glance into each other’s panicked eyes, before their wrists and legs are fighting at the vines. Robin trying to grab a weapon from Steve’s bag even with her arm ensnared, Steve trying to kick a rock at one of the demobats hissing in his face, even though he’s terrified of the thing. Especially after seeing what they’ve done, taking a bite out of him, seeing Eddie’s body.

But no matter their panic they are clawing at the vines, Robin trying to stamp on one of the demobats tails, just to try and get your attention with the noise; Steve trying to bite through the vine coiled over his lips, while enticing a demobat to attack to hopefully bite at his restraints instead.

The set of best friends yelling furiously into the vines only smothering their cries, not aiming to kill them this time, which partly makes matters worse.

Panic pumps through their body like ice cold blood, dread oozing in their stomachs, fear causing both of them to strain towards the other, their eyes desperate as they look at their best friend, because they know what your answer will be if neither of them get free.

It’s not a question of what you say. It’s if they can stop you in time.

They need to get you to see them now, to get you away, to do something. Both fighting hard for you, like they always would, how they try to. If one of them can just save you, after they failed to save Eddie.

Looking directly at Vecna, lingering in the silence of his offer, you take two steps back. Finally able to breathe, where he wouldn’t be able to draw you in even more. Breathing air not surrounded by him, taking steps back so you can come back to your reality, to what you’re actually surrounded by.

You followed demobats, monsters, the creatures that killed Eddie down here. To the Upside Down. After having a vision, like the ones he gives people before he kills them. You’re in some kind of cave surrounded by skies that are too blue with red lightning. And here you have the devil himself offering you a deal, in front of you. Surrounded in this nightmare place, seeing clearly you have been lured into the dark by the monster you’ve been fighting so hard against; with no Eddie in sight.

Even taking in your surroundings, the back of your mind only knows it’s not right because Eddie isn’t here with you.

“I don’t know.” You take another step, then two, back. Looking at Vecna as suspiciously as you were before he pulled you in. Dread seeping in your own stomach, your hands twitching by your sides.

You could imagine he was tricking you right now. That Vecna couldn’t actually do this. And why would he want that if you do fail? Or maybe that is to motivate you to absolutely not do so? Importantly, if you do complete everything he asks, what would he do with his growing power, if all went well?

You’d sacrificed Eddie for this town once... you didn’t think you’d do it again. That part wasn’t a problem in your mind, not after you’d lost Eddie once.

You feel bad for thinking it, because you know Eddie wouldn’t want you to, God, fuck, you know Eddie would be shaking you awake, screaming at you right now to fucking run, to not be a hero, to not let anything happen to you. Maybe he was yelling it right now somewhere, banging at whatever gates were keeping you two apart. You could almost see him in front of you, see his hands on your shoulders, those dark eyes in yours as he screams at you. But that’s an almost, Eddie isn’t here, you can’t see him. But if you knew Vecna would truthfully bring him back - you’d do anything right now right here with him.

Vecna sighs.

You’re not sure if you blink, or keep your eyes closed so dissociated in your mind from the moment you lose time, but you open them with a start when Vecna is suddenly stroking your cheek, his blonde waves tickling your temple as he coos to you.

Drawing you in as your knees weaken towards him...

“Ohhhhh poor confused little y/n. A life so full of tough choices. Everything so much harder now you don’t have your Eddie by your side...”

Tears trickle past your lips, ones you hadn’t even noticed in your eyes. And you hiccup quietly a little as Vecna helps lift you steady, just with that one cool and long palm cupping your cheek.

“But I know what you want.” He whispers softly to you, his voice a rumble.

Your cries are small, in nature and in volume. But with Vecna this close, helping you stand, a lock swats at a warm tear on your cheek, brushing it coincidentally away.

That, for some reason, is what pulls you back.

Tears stopping, even with shiny eyes, you pull back silently. Not stopping walking back this time, noticing the surprised look in his eyes as he watches you retreat. And you don’t stay longer. You lean to turn around, continuing to go - you have to get back. Robin and Steve are waiting. Dustin can’t lose you too down here. All your friends have already dealt with too much trauma. Joyce has been working so hard to save you. Wayne needs someone to mourn with. Your family. Eddie!

“You- you’re tricking me.” You say, voice weaker than you’d want it to be but you’re not controlling your emotions anymore. Your thoughts are finally catching up. As your eyes shine in distrust and guilt up at Vecna.

“Tricking you? No- no I don’t trick. I’m trying to help you right now y/n- I am the only one who’s helping you! Truly doing what you’ve been begging someone for, to listen to what you’ve been screaming for.” Vecna’s head twitches as he tilts it. Confused and irritated over how no one ever seems to believe him. Or understand his ways. He’s helped you, and Eleven, and people always, always-! “I promise.” He speaks. But his voice carries that indignant vex from everyone’s disbelief in it still.

Your gut riles and tightens. “This is wrong.” You say, turning further as you walk, shaking your head of the mourning thoughts of Eddie making you numb to common sense, to that anxiety in your brain that’s been screaming at you to run away this entire time.

Thunder roars above you, and you keep your head down, huddling yourself as you keep walking, your skin crawling at the fact you can feel Vecna’s anger behind you.

“Fine y/n! Forget about the world, and love!” He sneers, the air howling without fresh wind. “Go back ‘home’ to your ‘friends’ without him, and never see Eddie again!”

Those words makes you shoot around.

Vecna smirks. He knows he’s got you.

The two demobats swoop out, clearly they were just ahead of you, in the dark close by, but you turn quickly to follow their direction, not seeing what they were distracting you from as you’re turned around. Facing a much bolder Vecna than you’d seen yet.

“Go on and decide y/n.” He sneers, only turning into a smirk as your legs carry you back towards him. “All it will cost is your voice.”

The way Vecna describes it... Eddie is more important than your voice. You’d give anything for him. Even if you were to be without him, if you made this deal, no matter what happened to you, Eddie would be back.

There is no other possible way your Eddie Munson could be alive again.

Vecna stands close to your side, pulling out some kind of contract on a folded piece of paper for you. You raise your brows, even though your mind is fully on Eddie, a twinge of disbelief is shown on your face. “A contract? Seriously?” You ask, genuinely unsure.

Vecna simply shoves it into your hands. He seems to get some type of glee when you hold it. “I need to get that DNA of yours and Eddie’s again, so it was either using this, or...”

His hand running across your cheek, fingertips stretching past your ear gets you to look up from the words on the paper, into his eyes. Unfortunately, they’re back on your mouth.

You can tell it’s purposeful this time though. Vecna seems to delight in making you wriggle. A toothy smile stretching beneath his pink lips when you shrug out of his hold, placing his hand back to his side.

Easily doing so. Your quickly rising and falling chest is for every other reason. As your eyes bore into the paper in your cold hands, knowing in it was the only possible future for Eddie Munson. Rising falling rising falling rising falling, as Vecna talks and talks and talks, while you read and breathe and beat.

“What happened to Eddie is sad. But it happened. Your boyfriend is dead. If you want a miracle to happen you’ve got to pay the price and let me help you y/n. Take a deep breath. Look at it. Who’s around you here to help?! No one! Eddie would be here! But he can’t! You let him die!!!”

You screw your eyes closed. You can’t listen to that you can’t think you can’t not do this you can’t leave Eddie again you can’t do that to him you have to do this with him you have to you can’t not see Eddie again you can’t abandon Eddie to die you have to save him you have to help him now you have to listen you can’t stop listening you can’t let him die.

Vecna smiles up to his demobats, raised above you both in sharp victory.

You have to listen to him you can’t let Eddie die you have to do this for them.

His hand snatches out and grabs your necklace from your collar, throwing it to the ground. It doesn’t break, but opens, to the image of your Eddie, so clear even on the ground like this, smiling up at you. At you.

“This poor-“

Your eyes stay on Eddie’s face.

“Poor-“

Your eyes move to the paper.

“Soul.” Vecna coos.

You don’t realise Vecna’s calling both of you this same thing.

You quickly sign the contract, scribbling your signature on it fast, your blood pumping as you make the choice to be brave. You will bring Eddie back no matter what. Even if you’re giving him to the world, and not yourself anymore. You’re not thinking about you. You can’t even see the words, only Eddie. You need to save Eddie.

You press a kiss to the end of your signature, the wet ink moulding with the spit of your lips. Quickly pulling back the contract and looking at it all. Noticing your wavy signature, not realising until you’d actually looked at what you were writing, you’d signed it with red ink. Until you saw the splotch where you’d kissed it at the end of your name.

Vecna’s eyes had not left you once.

As you’re staring wide eyed at what you’ve just signed, your mouth opening a little in shock, red dotting your lips, immediately a hand is around your neck. You’re cut off with a choke as Vecna grabs you.

He pulls you in close, his nose bumping into your cheek as you panic to stay on your feet, gasping as you feel your neck expand in his cool hands. Your own going to his wrists, feeling the material of his white shirt, his cool skin, the little hairs on his arms, as you try to dislodge his hand a little. Not fighting back as much as you should, one because he was letting you breathe, but mostly because you were willing to let anything happen for this to work.

Suddenly Vecna grabbing you by your throat isn’t as much of an issue, especially since he’s not actually cut off any oxygen, just held you in his grasp; because now you’re distracted by the room spinning, and that definitely isn’t from lack of air flow.

Looking down at your feet you can see the both of you are spinning, and just like Max did, just like Chrissy did, you’re up in the air. Only this time conscious, and with Vecna.

His eyes leer in close as you both raise some inches, continuing to move, his face serious, as his two demobats screech above you. The sound ignited you with terror, panic and trauma from associating it with the sound, the smell, of Eddie’s ripping flesh; and yours under your bandage. But these bats now, they sound like a song out of order, there’s chaos and melody to their shrieks.

Each time you get closer to the sound of their yowls as they fly in the air though, they just raise some more. The storm of the upside down blocking much of your view as you don’t even feel the movement anymore, although that may just be to do with your heart lurching as you go along with this plan, and your eyes held tight on Vecna now.

You feel weird about what’s happening, managing to grab your necklace off the ground without even looking, before you were raised any higher, the winds in the place you thought wouldn’t have any helping you, as you manage to thread your finger through the clasp, small pebbles scratching your arm. You hold it tight before your lose it, the pendant with Eddie’s picture in grasped protectively in your palm, because you know things are happening now.

Your eyes back on Vecna, not fighting his hold on you anymore, just fiercely gripping your necklace of Eddie, you gasp. Breathing deeply as you commit yourself to everything you’re doing right now, planning all this that definitely is trouble, but for Eddie’s life, for what’s right, for the chances he was never given in life and you were fighting to give him now, even though you know what’s happening is wrong, your determination to keep going outweighs any fear that’s howling. Eddie always liked you being a hero, until his final day.

Vecna pulls back distracting you from your head full of Eddie, as you watch his blue eyes move further. His grip loosening, causing you to squeeze onto his wrist. Even as he fully let’s go, you stay in the air. And your breath finally comes back to you when he orders “Sing.”

Words escape you. The only thing you can think of, the only song that seems appropriate in this situation, melancholic, hopeful, and full of meaning and memories of Eddie, is that tune you always used to sing to him.

So you follow Vecna’s instructions.

You sing the melody of the tune you sang to Eddie so many times. When you’d stroke his dark bouncy curls on the couch, once full of life. When he’d hide his face into your chest because he felt safer crying there. When he couldn’t sleep because he was afraid someone would find him and hurt him. When he was afraid of the world. When he was afraid of not being able to show everyone who he really was, before he died.

“Keep singing!”

Vecna yells over the noise inside the rocky structure, noise you’d barely even noticed with your mind so full.

Your focus on the song that was always for Eddie, being for Eddie is such a different way now, as you put your whole chest into it. Raising your voice, and trying to remember the notes just right, even if they didn’t matter to Vecna, they mattered to you and Eddie.

You squeeze your pendant of Eddie tight, willing yourself to be strong enough to do this properly, to be brave for Eddie, like you always were when you hummed this tune for him, to make sure the world didn’t let him down again. You need him to stay strong, you hold onto your necklace with everything you’ve got.

Suddenly that’s when you see it. In the darkness of the Upside Down, of the dark blues and grey clouds and black shadows of this place, you see a ball of light. And as the light moves from your body towards Vecna’s greedy gaze, you’re hearing your own voice getting further away, but feeling your vocal cords move in time. It gives you this sick feeling.

Like something unnatural is being lost, that you can’t produce anything. A sick feeling in your throat, but nothing coming out. That what you’re doing right now, is effecting over there instead. That light should be in your body, and it’s, you’re, moving towards your worst enemy.

Vecna snatches your necklace from your hand, leaving you horrified. You need it back. The picture of Eddie laying close to your heart always, smiling like he was before, looking right at you, from the gift he gave you. Vecna’s hand burning cold on your skin, the chains cutting into your palm, as he steals that away from you.

But then you see your light with your voice going towards Eddie, instead of him, and suddenly, you feel more okay...

Vecna snaps the pendant shut, and you immediately start to feel dizzy.

A rush of dark smoke and red and blue lightning suddenly make outside the cave like structure so crazy, you’re even looking away from Vecna. But when they swirl around you, the smoke and the demobats flying around both you and Vecna in a close loop, you’re looking back to him with horror. Nothing matters but Eddie, but this power floors you, even if you already understood what you’ve signed yourself up for, and still do. Vecna’s using it all on you, he and Eddie are counting on you.

The demobats horrible screeches don’t outweigh the crash and rumble of the hurricane of smoke and lightning you’re trapped in, with your nemesis encaptured right with you. His smirk not on you anymore, but down at your necklace he flips between his fingers. You can only hear the demobats, seeing only smoke and lighting, and Vecna, when the demobats come swooping closer to you both. And then everything is black.

Steve and Robin are horrified as they watch on. The vines immediately withdrew once the smoke started surrounding yours and Vecna’s feet, and everything was too loud and far for you to hear.

Steve helped Robin up, and they grabbed their weapons and they just watched in awe. Weapons ready and pointed, but no sight of you in the powerful haze of elements.

Nothing had attacked them yet, and that left them strong enough to do this, to fight for you if you wouldn’t. But that meant they had to find you first. And now you were trapped up there with Vecna. Robin and Steve couldn’t even hear each other screaming your name, with the booms of thunder and rumbling of this whole world surrounding everything. Let alone you being able to hear them, and know you’re not all on your own.

Until finally, the smoke clears, and you’re only a few feet off the ground, compared to where Steve and Robin were searching up for you before. Luckily enough time for Steve to dive and scrape his barely healing back to hell as he catches you. Landing you on top of him as you fall, which he accentuates with only a cry.

Robin immediately grabs at you, yelling for Steve, as they both hit your cheeks. Robin standing atop with a weapon in hand, and Steve heaving beneath you as he leans over, with you snagged on his chest. Both increasingly hitting you, and shaking you, thunder still quaking as they quickly try and scream your name.

“Let’s go! Steve let’s go!” Robin yells out, red light filling the sky more than the blue cover, shadowing their faces as she helps fireman lift you off of Steve, just to get you up, before he’s on his feet.

“I’ve got them! Let’s go Robin!” Steve yells to her, both of them squinting their eyes from the flying dust and howling wind, as they lean their faces in close to yell. Their hands on each other, and on you, as they yell close to hurriedly plan their escape.

Steve throws you over his shoulder from where Robin was keeping your unconscious body up, and while he secures you quickly with his arm grappling your thighs, they both search around. Robin duel wielding, as Steve manages to hold you over his shoulder, and still hold his axe in another hand.

They can’t see Vecna. There’s no sign of him around. But they’ve got to get you out.

“The wooded path, we should go now!” Robin grabs Steve’s shoulder, both still squinting to see each other, and their way out, before she goes first, slightly lighter on her feet. While Steve still defends her sides, and your back.

Reminded of the time just three days ago he carried you out of the Upside Down like this. Thrown across his shoulder, but this time not kicking and punching and screaming, this time silent. That was worse for Steve. He didn’t think he could feel much worse, but the dejavu of three days ago, in these circumstances, was a lot for him. And this time, you’d managed to do something incredibly dangerous for Eddie, before your friends could stop you...

Both their faces looking to you occasionally, passed out over Steve’s back, your hair slightly obscuring you from Steve’s view, but Robin managing to assure/scare both herself and Steve as she repeats you’re still just out cold. With Steve at least able to feel your breathing over his shoulder, as his arm keeps tight hold of your legs draped on his chest.

Both of them keeping their weapons out in full battle mode as they rush to the exit you entered through, silencing their check ins with each other as the ‘weather’ down there stops, and the eerie quiet of the Upside Down loudens in a way, the closer they get to the exit back home. In a place like this, it shouldn’t be quiet. The two keeping hushed where they can knowing they can’t alert anything out there to the intruders in their space, especially with you unconscious in Steve’s hold.

What’s strange though, is that while they did miss their opportunity at seeing Vecna, nothing attacked any three of you on your way out either.

It let you pass.

[ickypuppi3]

i don’t smoke - mitski // billy & steve

[reggiekinnie2]

Steve “I got soul, but I’m not a soldier” Harrington

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Throughout all those time loops, all that blood, pain, misery and screams of his friends, Steve thought that when the last loop came, he'd be over the moon. Eddie and Max would be safe, Vecna would be dead and burnt to ash as he should have been from the beginning. Hawkins would begin to heal and Steve Harrington would never have to live through the same day again. He would never have to hear Eddie's screams as he got torn apart by demobats, he would never have to stare into Max's lifeless eyes again. He prayed that the next loop would be the last one, no matter the cost.

But now, as he holds Robin's limp and bloodied hand in his, hearing Nancy's shotgun making sure that Vecna will never hurt anyone ever again and half-registering Eddie and Dustin's concerned voices, he remembers that you should always be careful what you wish for.

[etherealforever234]

I am doing this again because there is nOT ENOUGH APPRECIATION FOR TGESE AMAZING WRITERS IN OUR FANDOM.

So I did a part 1 but I didn’t include all the ones I wanted since it got too long jsskkskskskdksnxk sooooooo here’s a part 2 of all the fics which absolutely PLAGUE my mind and you NEED to check these out and show them your love!! I have said this before I’ll say it again telling writers you like their writing with just a simple reblog or a good comment MATTERS so much more than you know. So I better see you guys showering writers with love on their fics! While I did make this for myself because I’m building a little ✨collection✨ I hope this helps anyone who’s looking for more fics to read!!!

(Minors this is your cue to not be anywhere around here if I see you interacting I’ll tell yo mama!)

Recs under the cut <3

Her body is Bible by @superblysubpar - DEAD. ASCENDED TO ANOTHER PLANE. MET GOD. DIED. BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE JESUS STYLE. LOST ALL COHERENCE FOR A GOOD FEW DAYS. (18+)

Amuse and romance me like you do by @heartthrobinsfics - I have re-read this whole fic from start to finish so many times dkksckkxmfkdkckdkf the slow burn was really slow burning and ACCURACY in characterisation Family Video Steve has alllllll my heart

Single thread part 1 part 2 part 3 by @headkiss - Spiderman AU Steve I love you so much it hurts! The slow burn is so fkskfkskfkskdkskxkdkdkkdkckfkfskdkxkfk! And he’s just so 🥺 ahhhhh OBSESSED with this whole Universe! (18+)

Rules are meant to be broken by @funnylittlelad - I read this whole series on AO3 and my GOD this deserves so much more love!!!! The complicated relationships with parents the angst is so delicious I am in LOVE with this.

This blurb by @stevebabey - The way I have NEVER felt more represented as I was here. Being a #losergf is a tough job but someone’s gotta do it

If you loved me, why’d you leave me part 1 part 2 by @1986harrington - I have to say reading the first part actually made me wanna lie down in the rain for like a couple of hours because the ANGST🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻 and the SMUT in the second part lordtttt (18+)

how could i say goodbye? by @hawkinsquarry - The way this fic made me WEEP. I love it when people make Steve actually process any of his trauma but him being needy after the events of S4 was so ON POINT. Fuck this hurt. So good!

Beyond part 1 by @abibliophobiaa - The way I start SHAKINH AND SCREAMING AND CRUONH AND YHEOWINH UP when I start thinking about this series sjkdxkdkxkfk fake marriage AU will always have a place near and dear in my heart and with Steve??? DEAD.

Chateau, Careless whispers part 1 part 2 by @kurtie4life96 - Sugar Daddy Steve can be something so incredibly personal to #girlies (me) OBSESSED with thiskdkskfmdkdkdk the smut made the wires in my brain unwire (18+)

Burning by @lis-likes-fics - ABSOLUTELY INSANE actually. CRAZY. MIND DESTROYING. NERVES IMPLODING. KILLED ME. The plot with porn can be so personal to me FUCKING GOD. (18+)

Pray for the night by @upsidedownwithsteve - Call me a whore but I LOOOOOOVE me some “we almost died so let’s fuck each other’s brains out because we’re alive and we want to feel something” 😌😇 (18+)

Pride and Prejudice and Peanut Butter Sundaes by @starryeyedstories - The enemies to lovers of it all kskskskskskdks THE TWIST OF P&P WITH STEVE HARRINGTON REST ASSURE THIS IS CLOSE TO MY HEARTTTTT! This is so freaking goodkskskskskskskx

Meet me at the chateau by @theemporium - I think about this fic so much and it's been MONTHS but I will make it a pOINT to re-read it because this is just absolute perfection ugh sjkskdkskdkksdkjsdjkddk! (18+)

Puppy by @lovebugism - Sub!Steve you’ll always be famous! This made me so dizzy gAWD. Can't believe this isn't my life. So unfair. Looooooooooooove this! (18+)

[snowangeldotmp3]

who the hell is robin?

(the winter soldier robin au)

(this is a mini au featuring platonic stobin and ronance! for reference; robin is the winter soldier, steve is the captain, nancy is the black widow. @suwunnysideup is the reason this exists, we got to talking abt it and i couldn't stop thinking abt it.)

They’re in broad daylight. In downtown Hawkins. Steve pants, body aching after receiving a blow from the metal arm. Nancy runs alongside him as they stare at the mysterious figure in all of the smoke and rubble. As the smoke clears, Steve catches a glimpse of a blonde bob, a familiar blonde bob. Is that…? She’s alive!  A smile spreads like wildfire across his face. Nancy hangs back, squinting to see who it is. She grabs Steve’s arm, briefly holding him in place, “Steve,” she says, voice low, “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Steve yanks his arm free of her grasp, ignoring her warning. He gets closer to the blonde fringe, coughing through the smoke. The blonde begins to turn, and the reflection of sunlight on the metal arm nearly blinds him. His smile drops, a hard lump forming in his throat. He tries hard to swallow past it, forcing himself to speak. “Robin?” he gasps, tears brimming in his eyes and a sickening, lurching feeling in his stomach.

The blonde turns around, and Steve hears Nancy utter a soft oh my god–like a prayer. It’s her. It’s Robin! She’s alive! Oh my god. 

Except she does not recognize them. Steve can see it in the way her eyes remain emotionless, dead. But, he thinks, and maybe he’s just a little too hopeful, he thinks that when he said her name, something registered in her eyes. It’s quickly replaced though, as her eyebrows furrow, fully facing him as she says, “Who the hell is Robin?” She draws the handgun from it’s holster and aims it straight at Steve. His best friend is gone. 

Maybe not, he thinks, maybe she’s still in there.  And it’s foolish and silly and full of hope, but he knows she’s in there. How does he know? She hesitated.

(Later, when Robin is sitting on the chair of the dreaded, but routine, memory wipe machine, sitting in silence as they routinely fix her arm, pieces of her (?) memory resurface. She looks to one of the Russian guards. “That man in the middle of town,” she starts, her own voice surprising her, “who...who was he?”

“You met him earlier, on a different mission.”

This does not convince Robin. No, she thinks. Her voice hoarse from disuse surprises her once again, “I knew him…”

The guards are angry. She can tell at the way they all tense when she says this. The head guard fills her in on what she’s done, what she can accomplish. But this does not satisfy her. It is an itch that she must scratch, a scab that she must pick at. Her voice is soft, but no longer hoarse, as if the return of her memory alone has made her stronger, somehow. “But I knew him…”

This is the final straw, and she briefly hears someone shout “Prep her!”  as the rubber mouthpiece is routinely slid in her mouth and someone pushes her shoulders back, ensuring she sits properly before they place the electromagnetic plates on her skull. She clenches her teeth, waiting for the inevitable, but all she can think about before they pull the switch is; I knew him. I knew him. Don’t forget. I knew him. I knew him. I know him. 

They pull the switch, and the cycle begins again.)

[quevadilla]

got angst on the mind today y'all,,,,,

steddie angst below the cut

okokok so someone has probably already written this BUT

what if Eddie never tried to be a hero? never left that trailer in the upside down, never left dustin alone, etc. they both survive (I'm going with vecna was defeated so without someone controlling them they drop dead all at the same time)

but there's a frantic call on the walkie coming from Nancy

Steve is taken down somehow. Weak and still breathing, still has a pulse, but her and Robin need help moving him

Eddie and Dustin make it over as fast as possible

Eddie barely managed to get Steve out from under a near hysterical Robin. Steve is in and out of coherency, it seems like he took another hit to his head.

Eddie just keeps talking in an effort to keep him awake until they can get him to a hospital, to keep from breaking down himself.

"You know, never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd have Steve Harrington in my arms like this."

"You dreamin' about me, Munson?" Steve slurs back. He has the ghost of a smile on his face.

The frightened tears Eddie's been successfully keeping at bay so far suddenly threaten to spill. "Yeah, and I'll tell you all about it later, you just gotta stay with us, alright? Promise." His voice is shaking. He can feel Steve start to go further limp against his chest.

Steve hums as his eyes start to flutter closed. "'M gonna hold you to that."

Eddie tries to jostle him back to full consciousness. "Steve? You gotta stay awake, man, okay? Steve, you hear me?" Eddie loons down only to find Steve's face has gone totally slack; he can't tell if he's even breathing.

Goddamnit, Steve. Eddie breaks out running towards the gate that's finally in sight, grateful for the adrenaline still coursing through him. He'll be damned if Steve doesn't make it back, even at his own expense.

[every-dayiwakeup]

Billy doesn't care if Neil finds out.

He doesn't give a shit about what'll happen to him.

But Steve does. He'll learn soon enough, something Billy picked up two weeks after his mother left; nothing good can come out of loving a train wreck.

//tagslist//

@thatgirlwithasquid @thecrabnebula @flashwaves @atomrose @ashyyboyy @anarcha-queer-horror @aryana-56 @dragonflylady77 @thebussynotes @suometar @cherixrosa @billyhargr-a-ve @raven2008 @jad3w1ngs @femmebilly @onebrainsel @spaceboxkitty @nogitsunbae @hargrove-mayfields

[infinite-orangepeel]

hahahaha @madigoround this is making me cry laughing 😂 i feel like i should probably clarify a little bit more for anyone else who might be confused about the potential plot of my next steddie fic:

without giving too much away, YES eddie is fucking steve’s dad. NO he does not want to be fucking steve’s dad—at all, like very much not at all. he’s not/never has been attracted to steve’s dad, he does not have any romantic feelings for steve’s dad, he does not want to be in this predicament in the slightest. the job he takes as steve’s dad’s “personal assistant” is one he accepts purely out of necessity. this job means survival for eddie. it’s protection. it’s life or death. and that weighs on him heavily (as will be seen throughout the story).

it nearly breaks him, but he’s kind of trapped and doesn’t see another way out. fucking steve’s dad is an atrocious but unfortunately, large part of the job and it’s greatly traumatizing for eddie. it’s not fun. it HURTS. and most importantly it’s not sexually fulfilling for him, at all. but then he meets steve and while things are tense between them and they kind of despise each other at first, it certainly doesn’t stay that way for long….

this is a LOVE STORY between steve and eddie. there will be a happy ending but it won’t be pretty along the way. as you can probably assume, there’s going to be a lot of drama, angst, consequences, and challenges regarding them trying to be together and beat the odds.

anyways, i really hope that makes some sort of sense but feel free to ask me any other questions in my inbox or comment them, here !! I do want to keep some things secret ofc but am happy to answer more general questions !

also i totally understand if it’s not for everyone ! it’s dark (probably the darkest thing i’ve ever written) lol so no worries if it’s one you need to skip as a reader !