#Spencer K. M. Brown

[eunoiareview]

Calm

Heat lightning over the Chevron station, waxing moon, pregnant as the storm clouds hauling ass west, glinting in its quiet glow. People have been losing their minds like squirrels all day. Squirrels have been acting crazy like people. Crazy people have just been keeping on. Quarter-past eleven when I get home. I’ve been waiting for some revelation all afternoon, but it never came. All is dark and…

[reidsrambles]

An Invisible Locket

Chapter 3: Painted Me Golden

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader // Secret relationship

Description: You work with your best friend and your boyfriend. The only problem is, nobody knows Spencer Reid is your boyfriend of over a year. When you find out that Spencer's getting sent out on a case immediately after getting back to Quantico, impulses take over. (Content/Warnings below the cut)

Content/Warnings: [18+ MDNI], smut, oral sex (M & F receiving), PIV sex, unprotected sex within an established relationship, unplanned pregnancy, discussions of abortion (in a pro-choice context, though Reader ends up choosing to stay pregnant), minor mentions of alcohol and cancer.

As for the crime subplot, much of it is very canon-typical (referenced child abuse & grooming by an extended family member (non-sexual), violence, blood/gore, drugs. As always, please feel free to let me know if I miss any CWs!

A/N: This fic is obviously heavy on the Spencer and Reader relationship, but it's also got a significant Garcia best friend plot line and crime plot line. This fic also features an unplanned Reader pregnancy. Reader debates abortion and is pro-choice, but ultimately ends up keeping the pregnancy. If any of that isn't up your alley, please feel free to skip this fic!

Names used: Baby, baby girl, good/sweet/pretty girl, daddy, good boy (once), my love.

Words (this chapter): 4.1 K

Words (total): 29.1 K

Pulling up to the FBI Academy for the first time was quite intense. You had only moved to Virginia two days prior, and your apartment consisted of a mattress on the floor and stacks of boxes all over the place. When you pulled them out of the box the night before, deep wrinkles littered your white blouse and black pencil skirt. Thank god you had thought ahead and put an iron and ironing mat in with your box of work clothes. First impressions are important.

Penelope had prepped you on what to expect for your first day. Security was a lot, but knowing what to expect definitely made the process easier. Your new boss was the first one to greet you as you stepped out of the elevator.

“You must be Y/N.” He reached his hand out to shake yours, which you promptly took. His handshake was firm, but not at all aggressive; a fine line that he straddled well. “I’m your Unit Chief, Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. Penelope Garcia has told us so much about you.”

“All good things, I hope!”

“Oh, of course. Everyone should be free right now, so I’ll gather them and introduce you.”

Penelope had told you all about every member of the team, both casually, before you got hired, and after, in order to prepare you. It was strange to put faces to the names you had heard so much about. Penelope didn’t have a bad thing to say about anyone, but she did give you some warnings about everyone’s… quirks.

Everyone was very kind as they greeted you, but you couldn’t help but notice the timid guy, about your age, keeping some distance and standing off to the side. Penelope had told you about one, Dr. Spencer Reid, but the image you had crafted of him in your head wasn’t matching up with reality.

Your eyes kept drifting over to him and Derek must have noticed.

“Kid, stop being shy and get over here!” he said to Reid.

To you, he whispered, “I’m not sure if Penelope has told you about our little Einstein, but he gets nervous around pretty ladies.” The way he had said it wasn’t at all flirty towards you; he was slyly ridiculing Spencer.

Spencer put a hand out for you to shake. As he stood in front of you, shaking your hand, what you had been told about him was blending into the reality of him. Nerdy, ‘Boy Genius’ meets attractive FBI agent.

His light brown hair—mostly wavy, besides a few distinct curls—was just at the length where he was having to brush it off his face. His hazel eyes, framed by glasses, appeared to subtly shift in tone as his face moved. He wore a cardigan over his dress shirt and his tie was slightly too loose; not crisp and neat like Hotch’s was.

He wasn’t even physically your type, really. The guys you slept with in college tended to be athletic and more of the douchey frat bro type.

Your high school was small, and you were the lame girl who would spend her lunches hidden away in the computer lab coding. Teenagers can be cruel, and you weren’t exactly the epitome of popular. In senior year, you’d decided that when you got to college, you’d “fake it ‘til you make it” in regard to confidence. Turns out, guys found your confidence hot; they didn’t care what your major was. You never quite “made it” with your confidence, though. You just kept faking. It was tiring.

You never dated in college because you could only keep the façade up for so long, and once you felt yourself becoming invested in a guy and wanting something real, you ran. In therapy, you’ve since worked through a lot of that, thankfully. But meeting Spencer was what got you to delve into that aspect of your past with your therapist—something you only realized later, when you started dating him.

Love at first sight doesn’t exist, but from that first meeting with Spencer, there was some sort of spark. It wasn’t love. It wasn’t even lust. You just felt something when he shook your hand.

“Dr. Spencer Reid. Nice to finally meet you,” he said, his eyes avoiding meeting yours.

***

The door to Penelope’s apartment opens and standing before you is your best friend, already in her pajamas and fluffy unicorn slippers. Her face is a bit puffy. She’s been crying.

You lift up the reusable shopping bag you’re carrying to draw attention to it. “You go sit while I put these away and get changed, all right?”

With the ice cream in the freezer, the wine in the fridge, and your pajamas on, you regroup with Penelope in the living room. She’s on the couch, wrapped in one of her many throw blankets. The TV is playing reruns of a show you know she doesn’t even watch, but the background noise is appreciated. You reach down and grab a blanket for yourself from the basket she keeps them in and settle into the opposite end of the couch.

Penelope blankly stares at the TV, making no effort to address you. Knowing your best friend, you’d guess that she wants you to start this conversation. She hates confrontation even more than you do, somehow.

The show on the TV dances across your field-of-view, but you have no clue what’s happening on it. It’s time to put on your big-girl-pants and go for it.

“Please, just spill,” you say. “I can’t stand seeing you like this and I’ve been a nervous wreck all day because of it.” Your words come out soft. “What did I do? I genuinely have no clue what I did wrong.”

Taking a throw pillow from the couch, you hug it to your chest as if it can shield you from whatever she’s going to say.

“You and Reid.”

Shit.

An enormous sigh falls out of you, and you aren’t sure if it’s relief that your secret is finally out of the bag or that you finally know what’s wrong. Regardless, that’s enough confirmation for Penelope.

“How long?” she continues, before you can even start.

The guilt of having hidden this from her for so long has been weighing on you much more than you previously realized, and now it’s all come to a head.

“Fourteen months. A little over a year,” you say, “Penelope I’m so—”

“Stop,” she cuts you off and begins to cry as she continues. “Do you have any idea how much it hurts to find out that your best friend has been lying to you about something this big? And Spencer’s been lying to me, too! Does anyone else know!?”

Seeing her this hurt is killing you. You should have told her sooner. If you had a sister, you probably would have told her a long time ago. You’re an only child and Penelope isn’t super close with her stepbrothers, so you’d determined that you must be twin flames or something like that. Soul sisters, maybe.

“You’re the only person at work that knows. Even outside of work, only his mom and my parents know. When this started, we took things slow. We were casual for like, a month or so and we obviously weren’t going to tell anyone about that. Once we started dating, we thought it made more sense to keep it between us; to avoid comments and eyes on us at work, you know? We kept things entirely professional at work. Neither of us was sure that it was going to last and, if it didn’t, we could navigate working together as exes, but we didn’t want to navigate the entire unit knowing that we were exes.”

You shrug your shoulders and let out a defeated breath. “Regardless, look at what happened this morning with your meeting. I know that the team wouldn’t let anything happen to me or Spence, but if Strauss wants to play games and threaten someone’s job…?”

You don’t even need to answer that question because Penelope already knows that an intimate workplace relationship would put a target on your back with Erin.

“But you know you can trust me. Why didn’t you trust me?”

“I should have,” you nod. “It’s not that I actively distrusted you, Pen. I swear.” You reach out from your blanket cocoon and grab her hand, which she reciprocates. “I think that, after we decided that we wanted to make an attempt at something serious between us, we wanted to be able to focus on that without any external influence, especially from anyone at work. And it’s definitely been a lot of work. I love him so much, but with our jobs and our schedules…? We’ve both had to fight to find the alone time and the space where we can just be a couple.”

Penelope starts gently rubbing the palm of your hand with her thumb and her face softens with a feeble smile.

“You love our boy wonder?”

You mirror her expression with your own shy smile as you reflect on your partner.

“I love him so much. I mean, you know how amazing he is. I definitely don’t need to tell you that. He’s such an amazing boyfriend, though, too. I always feel happy and safe when I’m with him. He’s always teaching me new things and I know the team just wants him to shut up sometimes when he goes all Professor Reid at work, but I could listen to him talk for hours. When we’re together, sometimes I just let him ramble while I knit. He’s my free audiobook,” you giggle.

The smile on both of your faces has brightened and you’ve slowly shifted closer to each other on the couch throughout the conversation. Penelope grabs your other hand and lovingly squeezes it.

“You know how much I love you and I’m so, so happy that you’re this happy. The Good Doctor has good taste too, it seems.” There’s some wistfulness in her expression as her eyes meet yours again. “I just really wish you had told me, so I didn’t have to find out like this.”

Your demeanor rapidly shifts into perplexity as you remember that Penelope never explained the discovery to you. “Wait, how did you figure it out, anyway!? You never told me!”

An air of pride washes over her. “Well, you may have fooled an entire unit of profilers, but as we both know, my dear Y/N, I’m the divine being from which no secrets can be kept …for longer than one year—give or take.”

You giggle, always pleased by how easily she can make you laugh.

“Okay, now, Miss Divine Being, tell me how it actually happened,” you prod.

She rolls her eyes and begins narrating her version of today’s events to you. “So, I was already back at my desk when I got your text saying that you were going home for lunch. I was so surprised, because I was like, ‘I didn’t know Y/N was leaving! I was going to offer to buy her lunch from her favorite fancy French café down the road as an apology for stressing her out this morning!’”

This woman’s flair for the dramatics is showing, but you can’t even complain because you’re already thoroughly entertained.

She continues, “I didn’t want to text you to ask if you had already left, in case you were on your bike. No distracted cycling for you! So, I checked the security camera that’s in the bike cage of the parking lot, and I saw that your bike was still locked up! Maybe you were still making your way down to your bike, I thought. So I totally didn’t check the very precise geolocation of your work phone, because that would totally be crossing a line and very much against policy, right?”

Your jaw drops open. Are you entirely surprised? No. Disappointed in her? Yes.

“Anyway, I learned that you were up on the 2nd floor of the parking garage. Weird, right? I pull up the 2nd floor parking garage security feed—which, I very much am allowed to do—and what do I see?”

You try extremely hard to hold back a smirk as the full picture of her discovery comes together in your mind.

She claps her hands together. “I see my best friend getting into the car of none other than Doctor Spencer Reid.”

“So, that’s it? You saw me get into Spencer’s car and your Spidey-senses just knew?”

“I put two and two together, Y/N! Well, first, I thought about the reasons you would lie to me about going home for lunch in order to go somewhere with Reid, but I couldn’t figure out where you would want to go with him.”

“Penelope Garcia!” you gasp. “Did you track my work phone all the way to my house?”

“I also tracked Reid’s phone,” she quietly admits. “Both of you sneaking off to your apartment was enough for me to figure out there was some hanky-panky going down.”

“Well, I hadn’t seen him in a week, and he was about to leave again on this case, so we needed—”

She plugs her ears with her fingers. “Nuh, uh! I don’t need to hear any more of that. I’m still processing the dating thing, so please spare me the dirty details!”

You crack open the wine and ice cream you brought while catching up on the Bachelorette, yelling at the screen whenever something outrageous happens (which is often). You skip out on the wine, though, because you’ve got to be able to wake up for work tomorrow. One glass and you’d be zonked.

After getting in bed, you and Penelope lie facing each other. You’ve worked through a lot tonight, but something still feels unsettled for some reason.

You speak in a whisper, breaking the silence. “Pen, I’m sorry I never told you. I wish that I had been the one to tell you versus you finding out like that.”

“My little pumpkin pie, it’s okay.” She gently pinches your cheek. “To be fair, I shouldn’t have tracked your phone. I should have just waited until you got back after lunch and just asked you about it.”

“Yeah, probably,” you laugh. “I’m not telling Hotch, but you know you’ve got to apologize to Spencer later, right? For tracking his phone, too?”

She nods. “I know. I’ll talk to him once you tell him that I know so I can apologize.”

You know she will. She screwed up, but her heart is always in the right place.

“Neither of us are perfect, that’s for sure. Think about it this way, though. Yes, you fucked up, but at least you came clean immediately and didn’t lie to me for over a year, right?” you joke.

Penelope laughs alongside you. “You only lied to protect your relationship. Now that I’ve had a hot minute to process that my best-friend-slash coworker has been secretly dating my other best-friend-slash-coworker,” she pauses to take a breath and you have to pull your lips between your teeth to prevent a giggle, “you know I could never, ever fault you for that.”

Only a beat passes before she continues, asking, “Can you promise me something?”

“Promise you what, Pen?”

“No more secrets,” she says, “for either of us. You’re my best friend in the whole world.” In the faint glow of pink lava lamp light contrasting the pale moonlight shining in through the window, you see the reflection of her eyes becoming glossy. “We got through this, but in the future, let me in. Let me be by your side.”

You feel your face heating as your already dim vision gets blurrier.

“Yeah. Okay. But, now that you know, we need to have more girl’s nights and sleepovers so I can keep you up to date on things. If we talk too much at work, one of us will slip up in front of someone.”

“You mean, I’d slip up, and I totally get that because I would definitely be the one to accidentally spill the beans.”

“And I’m trusting you not to. Think you can do that for me, Pen?”

“You know I can’t promise that with a 100%, money-back guarantee because I’m me,” her gentle smile is faintly illuminated, “but I’ll definitely try my best.”

You know you could never ask for anything more from Penelope. It’s the way her brain works, and you couldn’t ask her to change that without fundamentally changing who she is, and you love her as-is. If she accidentally slipped up, it would suck, but it also wouldn’t be the absolute end of the world or anything.

“Hey, I love you, Pen”

She reaches up and taps the tip of your nose.

“I love you too, Y/N.”

You both roll onto your backs. The air feels lighter.

“So, when are you gonna tell the team?” she asks.

“I’m not too sure, honestly. Things are just so good right now and I’m scared to change too much. I’m also scared to paint that big, bright target on my back, you know? I can’t have Strauss or hell, even Hotch thinking that I’m less competent at my job because of my relationship with Spencer.”

Penelope takes a moment before asking, “What about Spencer? How does he feel about it?”

“Now, I think he’s a bit more ready than I am. In the beginning, he was the one who had more to lose by telling the team, especially before we became official, official. I was still relatively new to the team then, but he had known everyone for years and he didn’t want everyone’s perception of him to change so drastically.”

“Well, whenever you decide to tell the team, you know everyone’s going to be really happy for you, right? You both are a part of the BAU family.”

“Yeah, I know. I think we’ve just gotten so comfortable hiding that the idea of everything being out in the open is scary. Thank you for everything, though, Pen.”

She reaches over and grasps your hand with hers. You squeeze back; your silent reassurance to each other that everything is going to be okay, no matter what.

***

“Dr. Spencer Reid. Nice to finally meet you,” he said.

Every time his eyes flicked back to your face, it felt raw. You had to look away. You felt naked.

After that awkward introduction, the first six or seven months of working at the FBI were uneventful, as far as any sort of relationship between you and Spencer. You primarily only left your cave of an office to go to the bathroom, to make coffee, or for case briefs, anyway.

You did see him a few times outside of work, though. Dave had invited everyone over to his place for dinner a few times, and there were a handful of times that the team got drinks at the bar after work. He didn’t ignore you and you didn’t ignore him per se, but you still didn’t interact a whole lot. You grew closer to the rest of the team over those months, but not to Spencer.

Even with that first flicker of something when you met him, you knew you couldn’t pursue Spencer, even if you wanted to. Even if he were somehow attracted to you, you couldn’t date a coworker, especially not when you had barely been there half-a-year.

You reminded yourself that you were given the chance work with your best friend and to actually make some positive change in the world. You couldn’t willingly choose to fuck that up over some guy, especially when you weren’t even sure how you felt about him. Sure, he was an attractive guy. But being around Spencer felt like looking at a statue behind glass; close in proximity, but entirely untouchable. Entirely unreachable. What did he even feel like?

Everything changed the day you were caught sobbing in the bathroom. That day, the glass shattered before you and you reached out to touch. It was early afternoon and the usual ambiance of the office had quieted, most people out to lunch or heads-down at their desk, enjoying the peace and quiet.

The large pane of mirrored glass spanning the wall above the bathroom sinks made you feel as though you were in a funhouse; you, the clown. You dabbed at the black mascara stains under your eyes as you tried to somewhat-preserve your makeup, but you couldn’t hold back the tears. It turned into whack-a-mole, but with smeared mascara.

There were two quick knocks on the bathroom door before it opened, ever so slightly.

“I’m not coming in,” the male voice declared, clearing his throat, “but, is everything– uh, are you okay… in there?”

You froze. “Reid?”

“Y/N?” he asked in return. “I didn’t know who was in there, but I heard the crying.”

“Shit.” You covered your mouth. “Sorry, I mean, uh–” Fuck. “I didn’t realize I was so loud, sorry. I’m fine.”

“Oh, okay.”

He went quiet for a second and neither of you moved a muscle. It was so awkward and the only noise to fill the silence was the buzz of the fluorescent bathroom lights.

“Do you want me to go find Garcia?” he asked.

“No. She, uh– She left for lunch a few minutes ago.”

“Oh. Well, sorry for… intruding.”

“It’s fine. Thanks for checking on me, Reid.”

“If you need or, uh, if you want someone to talk to, you know where I’ll be.”

He gave a couple seconds before closing the door, his footsteps growing fainter as he walked away.

A few minutes later, you returned to your office to a sticky note on your desk which read:

“Here’s my personal number if you ever need a listening ear. I hope everything’s okay.”

You: “Hi, Spencer. It’s Y/N. Just got your note. Do you have a few minutes to swing by my office?”

You had figured the least you could do was explain and thank him for reaching out. Your text went unanswered, but about a minute later, he knocked on your door.

You explained that you were crying because you overheard two security guards making fun of the way you and Penelope dress. You see those two guards every morning at the security checkpoint on your way in. While you were on your way to grab stuff from the printer, you heard them joking with each other around the corner.

“I know it’s a really stupid thing to cry over. It’s just clothes. I didn’t want to tell Penelope though, obviously.”

“That’s a completely valid thing to cry over, in my book,” he said, his tone completely free of judgment.

“What, like you ever cry?” you joked.

“Sometimes, yeah.”

“Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say.”

“No, it wasn’t,” he laughed. “You’re good, don’t worry.”

“Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for checking up on me and to explain. It was nothing serious. I’m fine.”

As he turned to leave, half in your office and half out, he said something that immediately had you reconsidering how you felt about him. “I’m glad you’re better. If you ever need to chat or something though, you can always text my personal cell. And, for what it’s worth, I think you look great.” His tone was probably more suggestive than he had intended because he panicked a bit as soon as the words left his mouth. “Your outfit, I mean!”

His simple compliment felt like that first flicker; like a spark. This spark went straight into the pit of your stomach, though. When he tried to backpedal, it was like a baby deer, fumbling while trying to walk on ice; adorable.

You and Spencer first began texting that night. The texts rapidly turned into mini-essays back and forth, replying to the numerous topics of the previous lengthy text. Texting turned into nightly phone calls. What started out as a practical shift to save your fingers from falling off turned into your nightly comfort. In contrast to the quick glances you began to give each other at work, his voice, quiet and sleepy coming through the speaker on your phone, felt intimate. You knew you were getting a side of him that nobody else at work was getting. His walls fell down before your very eyes, and it was extremely hot.

Two weeks after the initial text, Spencer was in your apartment. Two hours after that, he was in your bed. Two months later (Spencer would remember exactly how many days) you had the “so what are we to each other?” conversation.

It was never just hooking up though. It had been more than that from the start and you both knew it.

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[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🌈 Queer Books Coming Out in October 2024 🌈

🌈 Good afternoon, my bookish bats! Here are a FEW of the stunning, diverse queer books you can add to your TBR before the year is over. Happy reading!

❓What was the last queer book you read?

[ Release dates may have changed. List below! ]

❤️ Back in the Hunt - K. Sterling 🧡 The Connoisseur's Christmas Courtship - L.M. Bennett 💛 Shoestring Theory - Mariana Costa 💚 The Black Hunger - Nicholas Pullen 💙 Wild Fire - Radclyffe 💜 Because Fat Girl - Lauren Marie Fleming ❤️ The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide - Cody Daigle-Orians 🧡 Soul Survivors - River Kai 💛 Stolen Hearts - Michele Castleman 💙 Reverence - Milena McKay 💜 Love Immortal - Kit Vincent

❤️ Take a Sad Song - Ona Gritz 🧡 Showmance - Chad Beguelin 💛 Redundancies & Potentials - Dominique Dickey 💚 Alexander - Karla Nikole 💙 Rest in Peaches - Alex Brown 💜 Rise of the Wrecking Crew - Kalynn Bayron ❤️ Language Lessons - Sage Donnell 🧡 Legend of the White Snake - Sher Lee 💛 Sorcery and Small Magis - Maiga Doocy 💙 Cried Out - Kate Hawthorne 💜 Skysong - C.A. Wright 🌈 No Rules Tonight - Kim Hyun Sook, Ryan Estrada

❤️ My Mother's Ridiculous Rules for Dating - Philip William Stover 🧡 I Shall Never Fall in Love - Hari Conner 💛 Castle Swimmer - Wendy Martin 🧡 The Hollow and the Haunted - Camilla Raines 💙 How Does That Make You Feel, Magda Eklund? - Anna Montague 💜 The Arizona Triangle - Sydney Graves ❤️ Every Rule Undone - Nancy S.M. Waldman 🧡 Mister Nice - Jamie Jennings 💛 Under the Mistletoe with You - Lizzie Huxley-Jones 💙 How to Fall in Love in a Time of Unnameable Disaster - Muriel Leung 💜 The Snowball Effect - Haley Cass 🌈 This Will Be Fun - E.B. Asher

❤️ Our Evenings - Alan Hollinghurst 🧡 Don't Let the Forest In - C.G. Drews 💛 Finding Delaware - Bree Wiley 💚 The Reeds - Arjun Basu 💙 The Bloodless Princes - Charlotte Bond 💜 Women's Hotel - Daniel M. Lavery ❤️ Alex McKenna and the Academy of Souls - Vicki-Ann Bush 🧡 A Vile Season - David Ferraro 💛 Synchronicity - J.J. Hale 💙 Writ of Love - Cassidy Crane 💜 Di-Curious - Erin Branch 🌈 Swordcrossed - Freya Marske

❤️ Stand Up! - Tori Sharp 🧡 Haunt Me, Baby - Rose Santoriello 💚 Planet Drag: Uncover the Global Herstory - Various 💙 Until We Shatter - Kate Dylan 💜 Metal from Heaven - August Clarke ❤️ Vicious Fates and Vast Futures - Tilly Bramley 🧡 The Daughter of Danray - Natalia Hernandez 💛 If I Stopped Haunting You - Colby Wilkens 💙 The Darkness Behind The Door - Mira Gonzalez 💜 Hunt Monsters, Do Magic, and Fall in Love - A.M. Weald 🌈 Jasmine Is Haunted - Mark Oshiro

❤️ Model Home - Rivers Solomon 🧡 Haunting Melody - Chloe Spencer 💛 The Door in Lake Mallion - S.M. Beiko 💚 The City in Glass - Nghi Vo 💙 Fang Fiction - Kate Stayman-London 💜 The Merriest Misters - Timothy Janovsky ❤️ Make the Season Bright - Ashley Herring Blake 🧡 My Kind of Trouble - L.A. Schwartz 💛 To Become A Flower - CEON 💙 What Was Lost - Melissa Connelly 💜 The Forbidden Book - Sacha Lamb 🌈 This Dark Paradise - Erin Luken

❤️ The Sound of Storms - Anya Keeler 🧡 Country Queers - Rae Garringer 💛 A Spell for Heartsickness - Alistair Reeves 💚 The Stars Inside Us - Kristy Gardner 💙 October's Ocean - Delaine Coppock 💜 Haunt Your Heart Out - Amber Roberts ❤️ The Dark Becomes Her - Judy I. Lin 🧡 Power Pose - Emily Silver 💛 The Magic You Make - Jason June 💙 House of Elephants - Claribel A. Ortega 💜 Tegan and Sara: Crush - Tegan Quin, Sara Quin, Tillie Walden 🌈 The Brightness Between Us - Eliot Schrefer

❤️ The Spring before Obergefell - Benjamin S. Grossberg 🧡 Pray For Him - Tyler Battaglia 💛 Coup de Grâce - Sofia Ajram 💚 Coal Gets In Your Veins - Cat Rector 💙 He Who Bleeds - Dorian Valentine 💜 The Revenge of Captain Vessia - Leslie Allen ❤️ Camelot's Tower - Brooke Matthews 🧡 The Manor - Tiffany E. Taylor 💛 Arcanum - Ashlyn Drewek 💙 Strange Beasts - Susan J. Morris 💜 On Vicious Worlds - Bethany Jacobs 🌈 Death Song - B. Ripley

❤️ Best Hex Ever - Nadia El-Fassi 🧡 I'll Be Gone for Christmas - Georgia K. Boone 💛 Make My Wish Come True - Rachael Lippincott, Alyson Derrick 💚 Gentlest of Wild Things - Sarah Underwood 💙 Troth - E.H. Lupton 💜 Solis - Paola Mendoza & Abby Sher ❤️ Lucy, Uncensored - Mel Hammond, Teghan Hammond 🧡 Mama - Nikkya Hargrove 💛 Under All the Lights - Maya Ameyaw 💙 Reclaimed - Seth Haddon 💜 The Devil's Dilemma - Alex J. Adams 🌈 The Jovian Madrigals - Janneke de Beer

❤️ Blood Price - Nicole Evans 🧡 Worship Me - K.C. Blume 💛 All the Hearts You Eat - Hailey Piper 💚 The Nightmare Before Kissmas - Sara Raasch 💙 Rogue Community College - David R. Slayton 💜 Mistress of Hours - Emma Elizabeth ❤️ The Dog Trainer's Secret - Sav Uong 🧡 Most Wonderful - Georgia Clark 💛 Antenora - Dori Lumpkin 💙 House of Frank - Kay Synclaire 💜 Sir Callie and the Witch's War - Esme Symes-Smith 🌈 Prince of Fortune - Lisa Tirreno

[raatart]

a complete boycott list in alphabetical order

a complete list of companies / brands / franchises to boycott in support of palestine that i have been working on putting together for a while now.

remember to support your local businesses

stand with palestine against genocide

(Food & Beverages)

A

Activia

Acqua Panna

Akmina

Absolute Vodka

Algida

A&W

Aquafina

Alpro

Actimel

B

Burger King

Baskin Robbins

Ben & Jerry's

Bugles

Betty Crocker

Badoit

Becel

C

Coca Cola

Costa Coffee

Cadbury

Cheerios

Cheetos

Campbells

Calve

Cappy

Chiquita

D

Dominos

Dasani

Dunkin' Donuts

Doritos

Dr Pepper

Danone

Dolcela

Damla

Dogadan

E

Evian

Eden

F

Fanta

Frito-lay

Fruit by the Foot Roll Ups

Falim

Fresca

G

Gatorade

Greggs

H

Hardees

Haagen Dazs

Heinz Ketchup

Hershey's

Hard Rock Cafe

Heinz

I

Innocent

Israeli Fruits & Vegetables

J

Jacob's

Jaffa

K

KitKat

KFC

Kbueno

Kraft Mac & Cheese

Kellogg's

Kraft

L

Lipton

Lays

M

McDonald's

Mars

Marks & Spencers

Maggi

Marila

Monster

Mountain Dew

Mehadrin

Minute Maid

Milk Bar

M&M's

Magnum Ice Cream

Milka Chocolates

N

Nestle

Nestle Cereals

Nescafe

Nesquik

Nespresso

Nido

Nutella

Nature Valley

Nestle Milo

Nestle Carnation

Nestle Coffee Mate

Nestle Nestum

Nimbooz

Nestea

O

Orea

Original Shredded Wheat

P

Papa John's

Pepsi

Pringles

Pizza Hut

Perrier

Pillsbury

Popeyes

Pretty a Manager

Pure Life

Powerade

Popup Bagels

Q

Quality Street

Quaker

R

Redbull

Ruffles

S

Starbucks

Subway

Smartwater

Sweetgreen

Snickers

Sprite

Sabra

Sunkist

Strauss

Smarties

S.pellegrino

Schweppes

Sana

Sirma

Sara Lee

T

Toblerone

Tang

Twix

Tesco

Tropicana

U

V

Vittle

Volvic

W

Wall's

Walmart

Walkers

Wrigley's

X

Y

Z

7Up

(Clothing)

A

America Eagle

Adidas

Alo

Adina Eden Jewelry

B

C

Converse

Calvin Klein

Cat

Castro

D

Drew

Diesel

E

F

G

Good American

GAP

H

H&M

I

J

K

Kamili

L

Levi's

Lumberjack

M

Mango

N

Nike

O

Oasis

P

Puma

Q

R

River Island

S

Skims

Skinny Dip

St. Mark

Style Nadia

T

Timberland

U

V

Victoria's Secret

Vakko

W

We Wore That

Wyeth

X

Y

Z

Zara

(Beauty)

A

Aveda

Amika

Avon

Aussie

Aveeno

Always

Aesop

Ahava

B

Bobbi Brown

Blistex

Bath & Body Works

Britney Spears Fragrance

Becca

Biotherm

Beauty Blender

C

Clinique

Covergirl

Colgate

Calgon

Camay

CeraVe

Christina Aguilera Perfumes

Clean & Clear

Crest

CND

Cacharel

D

Dr. Jart+

Dove

Dettol

Darphin Paris

Dark & Lovely

E

Essie

Elidor

F

Fenty Beauty

Fair & Lovely

G

Garnier

Gillette

Glam Glow

H

Honest Beauty

Haci Sakir

Herbal Essences

Head & Shoulders

Hugo Boss

I

J

Jo Malone

Johnson & Johnsom

K

Kerastase

Kiehl's

Kylie Cosmetics

Kylie Skin

Kotex

L

L'Oreal

Lacome

La Roche-Posey

Lifebuoy

Lux

Lubiderm

M

Maybelline

MAC

Moroccan Oil

Maui

Matrix

Max Factor

N

Nyx

Neutrogena

Nivea

Nature's Beauty

Niely

O

Olay

Origins

Orkid

Oral-B

Oax

P

Pepsodent

Pantene

Q

R

Revlon

Rimmel

Rexona

Rhode

S

Summer Fridays

Schick

Smashbox

Sephora

Sensodyne

Skinceuticals

Skin Better Science

T

The Body Shop

Too Faced Cosmetics

The Ordinary

Tom Ford Beauty

Tampax

Takami

U

Urban Decay

Ulta Beauty

V

Vichy

Vaseline

Veet

W

X

Y

Yes to

Yuesai

Z

(Luxury)

A

B

C

Chanel

D

E

Estee Lauder

F

G

Georgio Armani

H

I

J

K

L

LVMH

Louis Vuitton

La Mer

Lavs

Le Labo

M

Mugler

Maison Margiela

N

O

P

Prada

Q

R

Raplh Lauren

S

T

Tiffany & Co.

Tom Ford

Tommy Hilfiger

U

V

Valentino

W

X

Y

Yves Saint Laurent

Z

(Tech & Entertainment)

A

Aol

Amazon

AirBnB

Apple

B

BBC

Buxton

Barbie

Booking.com

C

CNN

D

Disney+

Dell

E

Energizer

F

Ford

Fiverr

G

Galaxy

H

HP

Hyundai

Hulu

I

IBM

Intel

J

K

L

Lego

M

Motorola

Movenpick

Mattel

Microsoft

N

National Geographic

Nokia

Netflix

O

Oracle

Oxi

P

Philips

Q

R

Rolls Royce

S

Siemens

Sodastream

T

Toys R Us

U

V

Volvo

Valvoline

W

Wix

X

Y

Z

(Other)

A

Axa

Ariel

Aero

Ambi Pur

Airwick

Aroma

AVC

Amway

Ace Hardware

Andrex

American Express

B

Bounty

Black & Decker

Bonux

Bref

Braun

Benadryl

Band-aid

Barclays

Blue Cross Blue Shield

Better Help

C

Caltex

Chevron

Culligan

Citi Bank

Chicco

Cravola

Clearblue

Capital One

D

Dash

Drynites

Dosmestos

Doona

E

Expedia

F

Finish

Febreeze

Fixodent

Fairy

G

Goop

Gerber

Gys

H

HSBC

Huggies

Hayat

I

Imodium

J

JCB

K

Kimberly-Clark

Kleenex

L

Lion

Little Swimmers

Lenor

M

Mr Muscle

Minidou

Monsanto

N

Nicorette

O

Omo

P

Pampers

Purina Felix

Payoneer

Palmolive

Protex

Pull-ups

P&G

Prima

Pril

Paramount Pictures

Q

R

Rejoice

Rinso

Rogaine

S

Signal

Sensus

Sudafed

T

Tide

U

Unilever

Us Cellular

V

Vim

Vanish

Vicks

W

X

Y

Yumus

Z

(Places)

A

B

C

D

Disney

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

(People)

A

Ashley Tisdale

Amy Schumer

Andy Beshear

B

Bono

Ben Savage

Bella Thorne

Beyonce

C

Chris Evans

Claire Holt

Ciara

Chris Rock

Chris Pine

D

Demi Lovato

Dwayne Johnson

DJ Khaled

E

Eva Longoria

F

G

Gal Gadot

H

I

Ian Somerhalder

J

Jamie Lee Curtis

James Maslow

Justin Bieber

Jennifer Aniston

Jaclyn Hill

Jack Harlow

Jordan Peele

Joseph Quinn

Jack Black

K

Kylie Jenner

Kim Kardashian

Kris Jenner

Kerry Washington

Katie Perry

Karlie Kloss

Khloe Kardashian

Kat Graham

Kendall Jenner

Kourtney Kardashian

L

Lebron James

Lana Condor

Lana Del Rey

M

Millie Bobby Brown

Malala

Mindy Kaling

Mark Hamill

Madonna

N

NFL

Nina Dobrev

Natalie Portman

Nabela

Nicole Richie

Noah Schnapp

O

Octovia Spencer

P

Perez Hilton

Paul Wesley

Phoebe Tonkin

Pia Mia

P!nk

Q

R

Ronaldinho

Rihanna

S

Sofia Richie

Shaquir O'neal

Selena Gomez

T

Tara Strong

Taika Waititi

Taylor Swift

Tyler Perry

U

Usher

U2

V

Vanessa Hudgens

Viola Davis

W

X

Y

Z

[mundivagantsoul]

10 Fandoms/10 Characters/10 Tags

Thank you to the wondrous @suddenlysteven for the tag 🫶💗

As always the Moon Knight System (Moon Knight)

Anthony J. Crowley (Good Omens)

The 10th Doctor (Doctor Who)

Izzy Hands after the character development (Our Flag Means Death)

Hobie Brown (ATSP)

Evelyn O'Connell (The Mummy)

Eddie Brock and Venom (Venom)

Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds)

Elizabeth Swann (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Stiles Stilinski (Teen Wolf)

Matt Murdock (Daredevil)

No pressure tags have a feeling most of you have been tagged already @soulsforsales @luc-k-y @faretheeoscar @redeyerhaenyra @daphnefisherofficial @ivystoryweaver @silver-night-m @angel-of-the-moons @steven-grants-world @reallyrallyauthor

[katastrophic-n3vulaa]

jason todd, zuko, nico di angelo, spencer reid, commander fox (cc-1010), matt murdock

matches :D

sometimes, but i live in australia, so mozzies.

some weird-ass cryptid in space that thinks we're cute little ants

blue and light brown

????????? wuts.

hair ties.

one

hot coffee in winter, cold in summer :D

no idea :D

uh..... writing??

insomnia day

yesterday!

yep! especially after a drought.

kinda

not legally bc i cant get my licence yet, but yeah!

neither, i believe. im the only person in my family that doesnt need glasses.

moroccan oil/that nice-smelling oil thing, which i put in after washing (shampoo & conditioner) my hair and drying it, because my hair gets really knotty otherwise

YEP!!!!

neither :D

a WIP from an artist that idk

uh.... a nice one, i hope?

i like it so long as i can get under a butt-ton of blankets

either chatting, drawing, or reading

i dont use them a lot- generally just deodorant.

in a fic? dunno.

last night? about 1

nope

hot

nopes

any kind of music

big fluffy ones

a 16km hike then a 12km canoe near kangaroo valley, NSW

yeps!

AEST

once!

yep- zahara.

can't think of one

pawpaw cream, ye

a shortbread man i made

either a long black or expresso

an app? no, a website? yes: ao3

don't mind them, so long as they aren't too spicy

the israeli pm or the military leader.

no, not really

tron. when we go up to the farm, we always watch it.

uh: so for some reason he goes * k a b o o m *

i am currently 4 years underage in aus, and i have trauma associated with alcohol so idk

yep!

yeeeeeeeeeeeee! ur welcome too- so is everybody else!

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

[luminouos]

luminouos: independent, semi-selectuve smut-based multimuse, featuring primarily original characters, with canons available upon plotting. mun is 21+, and all muses are of age (non-negotiable). (melody, they/she, 21+, gmt). TABOO ELEMENTS WILL BE PRESENT. focus on historical, apocalyptic and fantasy settings.

rules and muses under the cut.

rules.

will only write with writers of age.

i will primarily use gifs of my faceclaims. once the smut starts, i can either switch to iconless or to smut gifs, depending on the partner.

very minimum formatting.

no god modding, especially in threads which involves more than one of my muses and you are trying to pay attention to just one (somehow... this happens a lot).

please refer to this list [ link tba ] about the kinks that will be present on this blog. very quickly, while i am interested in writing problematic and fucked up dynamics, i am not into writing extreme kinks, and prefer that threads do have a romantic overtone to them.

i write both genders equally. i would prefer if you are upfront and don't pay attention to my female muses as a ruse, as that is merely time-wasting.

reply-speed varies depending on various factors.

i will rarely write m x m.

original muses.

melinda rose. 20-27. actress and part-time cat thief. courtney eaton. bisexual.

michael chastain. 44-50. librarian at an elite university. sterling k brown. straight.

jasper herbert. 36-50. professor at an elite university. henry cavill. straight.

adeline black. 18-26. princess and/or socialite. sydney sweeney. bisexual

robert black. 22-30. prince and/or lawyer. aidan turner. bisexual.

emily reid. 22-30. doctor and researcher at an elite university. tracy spiridakos. bisexual

fiona gale, 18-24, spy and debutante (regency and victorian era), spy and art historian (modern), abigail cowen. bisexual.

spencer 'hawk' blake, spy and duke (regency and victorian era), aidan turner. bisexual

michael, jasper and emily (and any combination there-of) can be requested as a group.

robert and adeline, if they are not in a relationship with your muse (or while they are in a relationship with your muse), are in a secret relationship. they are siblings.

canon muses.

rheanyra targeryan. 18-24. milly alcock. bisexual.

alicent hightower. 18-30. emily carey. bisexual.

barry allen. 18-30. grant gustin. straight

remus lupin. 18-50. theo james and andrew lincoln. bisexual

james potter. 18-25. aaron taylor johnson. straight

lucius malfoy. 18-50. ryan philippe. straight.

scorpius malfoy. 18-25. austin butler. straight

selina kyle. 18-40. kiki layne. bisexual

gale of waterdeep. 24-35. fc tbd. bisexual

[cacoetheswriting]

fluff alphabet - spencer reid

A = Attractive (what do they find attractive about the other?)

It would be safe to say you’re strangerly attracted to his genius. Many people find it annoying, how he spits facts completely unwarranted, but not you. His vast knowledge of quite literally anything is what sparked your interest in the young doctor in the first place.

Spencer on the other hand is captivated by your smile. The kindness behind it; how truly genuine it always is. He especially likes when he is the reason that smile spreads across your face, from cheek to cheek, illuminating your perfect features.

B = Baby (do they want a family? why/why not?)

Definitely yes, and you know Spencer would make a great dad. He has a way with kids and it comes to him so naturally. Frankly you can’t wait for the day you get to tell him you’re expecting.

C = Cuddle (how do they cuddle?)

One arm wrapped securely around you, pulling you in as close to him as possible. Your head resting on his shoulder landing just below his chin. He smells your hair taking in the scent of your shampoo before placing a soft kiss on the top of your head. 

D = Dates (what are dates with them like?)

He likes to take you out to the movies where you share popcorn and a large soda. A lot of coffee dates where he enlightens you on books he read or reread and you fill him in on the latest pop culture gossip. Nothing too adventurous but never boring.

E = Everything (“you are my ____” (e.g my life, my world…))

“You’re my home.” Spencer whispered, his hands cupping your face. You blinked a couple of times registering what he just said but before you got a chance to respond he continued. “When I’m with you, I feel so comfortable and at peace. I can truly be myself around you, no judgement or scrutiny.” He took a soft breath. “When I’m with you I feel at home and that doesn't make much sense to me but you’ve told me before that not everything has to make sense. Especially when it comes to love.”

F = Feelings (when did they know they were falling in love?)

One evening at a bar with your friends you repeated a fact to the group that Spencer had told you earlier in the week. It caught him off guard because no-one really listens to the rambles that come out of his mouth. Yet here you were, the biggest smile on your face as you reiterated: “chewing gum boosts concentration.”. You glanced at the young doctor from across the table. His eyes lit up as they locked with yours. That’s when he knew. 

G = Gentle (are they gentle? If so, how?)

Spencer is one of the gentlest souls you have ever met. He has an incredibly pure and kind heart. He always puts you first and would never dare to do anything that could hurt you. Your happiness is his priority and even though he’s not the most physical person he always does everything in his power to make you see how loved you are. 

H = Hand/Hold (how do they like to hold? how do they like to hold hands?)

For many reasons he isn't the biggest fan of public displays of affection. But when he does hold your hand, he traces down your fingers gently with his own before intertwining them. He’d then lift your hand to his lips and place a soft kiss on your knuckle.

I = Impression (first impression/s)

At first Spencer found you quite hard to read. He’s usually not good at social cues or interactions therefore it took him longer than the rest of the team to really get to know you. 

You on the other hand were instantly mesmerised by the young doctor. The wealth of knowledge he possessed was captivating and in a way inspiring.

J = Joker (are they into pulling pranks?)

Definitely; Spencer loves a good practical joke. He also has quite a good sense of humour. Not everyone always understands his jokes but they never fail to make you giggle.

K = Kisses (how do they kiss?)

When Spencer kisses you he does so with all his might. Unlike his usual gentle demeanour, when he kisses you it’s always with immense passion. He cups your face with his hands and pulls you in as close as humanly possible. 

L = Love (who says I love you first?)

You do - however completely by accident. “Did you know nutmeg can be fatally poisonous?” Spencer asked as the barista handed you a brown paper bag with a pumpkin dessert bar inside. “A little dash of nutmeg in a pumpkin pie or on your eggnog gives it extra flavour Spencer.” You noted flashing him a smile. “Too much nutmeg, however, can be toxic. Two to three teaspoons of raw nutmeg can induce hallucinations, convulsions, pain, nausea, and paranoia that can last for several days.” He stated. You couldn't help but laugh. “I love you Spencer but I’m not going to die because of a sweet indulgence.” It took you a second to register what you just said. Your free hand travelled to your mouth covering it with a soft gasp. “Shit Spencer, I didn-” “You love me?” He interrupted. All you could do was nod in response. 

M = Memory (their favourite moment together)

After a particularly hard case Spencer drives you home, like he has done so many times before. He walks you to the door of your apartment and waits until you are safely inside. He places a soft kiss on your forehead and says goodnight - which is when you ask him to come inside, stay the night. Rather than going to sleep however you stay up baking what turned out to be the worst brownies either of you have ever tasted. 

N = Nickel (do they spoil? do they buy the person they love everything?)

Spencer is not an overly material person. He prefers to shower you with words of affirmation and subtle compliments. Although when he does give you a gift it is always extremely thoughtful and definitely something that means a lot to the two of you.

O = Orange (what colour reminds them of their other half?)

If he had to associate a colour with you it would be yellow. Yellow - the colour of optimism. The colour of sunshine and enthusiasm. It stimulates the left side of the brain, helping with clear thinking and quick decision making. 

P = Pet names (what pet names do they use?)

He shortened your name. It was unintentional when it first happened but you liked the way it sounded so it stuck. You on the other hand, if you’re not using his first name, usually call him ‘honey’ or ‘sugar’ which he used to hate. If you’re feeling giddy you’ll call him by the original nickname you came up before you were dating: ‘suspence’.

Q = Questions (what are the questions they’re always asking?)

“Are you okay?” - you are his priority therefore he likes to make sure nothing is ever wrong. “Do you need anything?” “How are you feeling?” 

R = Rainy Day (what do they like to do on a rainy day?)

When the weather outside is far from ideal and the two of you are not out working a case, Spencer likes to curl up on the couch with you. He’ll put on an old back and white movie as you provide the drinks.  

S = Sad (how do they cheer themselves/each other up)

If he’s feeling sad you find yourself reaching for a random book on his shelf and reading the first few chapters aloud. His head rests in your lap, eyes closed, as he listens to the sweet sound of your voice. 

If you’re feeling down, Spencer will draw you a bath. He’ll light a couple of candles and dot them around the bathroom. He’ll play relaxing music through the speaker of his phone as the two of you enjoy the warm water together. 

T = Talking (what do they love to talk about?)

The short answer, everything. You never run out of topics to discuss and the conversation flow is always pleasantly smooth. 

U = Unencumbered (what helps them relax?)

Quite simply you. No-one knows Spencer the way you do and even though the two of you haven't been together for very long you know exactly what to say or do to calm him down.

V = Vaunt (what do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Spencer is modest which is one of the things you admire about him. The one thing he truly shows off is his knowledge of pretty much everything - even if he does it unintentionally. 

W = Wedding (when, how, where do they propose?)

“Almost fifty percent of all marriages in the United States end in divorce or separation.” Spencer said turning off the documentary you just finished watching. “Researchers estimate that forty-one percent of all first marriages end in divorce.” He continued. “Well, lets hope when we get married we’ll be in the lucky fifty-nine percent that lasts.” You teased, a small smile circling your lips.

X = Xylophone (what’s their song?)

Let’s Groove by Earth, Wind & Fire. The song was queued by Penelope at one of Rossi’s famous get togethers - before you and Spencer were dating. She swayed and twirled, soon joined by Morgan, as the rest of the group watched and laughed. You glanced at the young doctor and before he got a chance to protest you dragged him into the middle of the room to dance. 

Y = You’re the ___ to my ___ (e.g the cookies to my milk, the macaroni to my cheese)

“You’re the Holmes to my Watson.” He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Why am I not Watson?” “Because you’re not that kind of doctor.” You nudged Spencer playfully. He couldn't help but laugh under his breath. “That is a terrible analogy.” “Terrible or not, it’s true.” 

Z = Zebra (if they wanted a pet, what pet would they get?)

He wouldn't want a pet for now. The job is too demanding, he’s away for long periods of time and there'd be no-one to take care of it. Perhaps in the future, when you’re married and have kids. Perhaps. 

-

[interculturalpragmaticsblog]

Want to know where all the good knowledge came from?

Citations yay!

Greetings

Brown, P., & Levinson, S. (1978). Universals in Language Usage: Politeness Phenomena. In E. Goody (Ed.), Questions and Politeness: Strategies in Social Interaction (pp. 56-310). Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Firth, R. (1972). Verbal and bodily rituals of greeting and parting. In J. S. La Fontaine (Ed.), The Interpretation of Rituals. Routledge.

Fox, K. (2004). Watching the English: The hidden rules of English behaviour. London: Hodder & Stoughton.

Geddes, L. (2015, December 17). Why do Brits talk about the weather so much? BBC.

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20151214-why-do-brits-talk-about-the-weather-so-much

Grice, H. P. (1975) Logic and conversation. In P. Cole and J. Morgan (Eds.), Studies in Syntax and Semantics III: Speech Acts (pp. 183-98). New York: Academic Press.

Laver, J. (2011). Linguistic Routines and Politeness in Greeting and Parting. In F. Coulmas (Ed.), Volume 2 Conversational Routine (pp. 289-304). Berlin, New York: De Gruyter Mouton.

Spencer-Oatey, H., & Kádár, D. Z. (2021). Intercultural politeness: Managing relations across cultures. Cambridge University Press.

Small Talk 

Coupland, J. (2014). Introduction: Sociolinguistic perspectives on small talk. In Small talk (pp. 1-25). Routledge.

Coupland, J. (2003). Small talk: Social functions. Research on language and social interaction, 36(1), 1-6, -6, DOI:10.1207/S15327973RLSI3601_1

McAndrew, F.T. (2020, January 18). Why Small Talk Is a Big Deal.  https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/out-the-ooze/202001/why-small-talk-is-big-deal

Cuncic, A. (2021, April 12). 10 Best and Worst Small Talk Topics. https://www.verywellmind.com/small-talk-topics-3024421 

Rolfe, A. How to Up Your Small Talk game. https://www.reed.co.uk/career-advice/how-to-up-your-small-talk-game/?utm_source=pocket_mylist

https://nextstepenglish.com/how-to-make-small-talk-britain/?utm_source=pocket_mylist

Roberts, D. (2019, December 30). Why is small talk so excruciating. https://www.vox.com/2015/7/7/8903123/small-talk

Watkins, N. (2021, July 23). Hate Small Talk? Here’s Why and What to Do About It. https://socialpronow.com/blog/i-hate-small-talk/

Public Behaviour 

The Muse Editor. (n.d.). Why Your Handshake Matters (and How to Get it Right). https://www.themuse.com/advice/why-your-handshake-matters-and-how-to-get-it-right

Landau, H.C. (2018, August 9) Importance of a Good Handshake. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/importance-good-handshake-henry-chesky-landau

WhatsApp Conduct 

Patel, M. (2017). WhatsApp Group Rules Guidelines: Maintain your Ethics and Etiquette. https://www.kadvacorp.com/technology/whatsapp-group-rules/

Baz S, R. (2017, September 1). A Proposal of Basic Conduct/Behavior Rules for WhatsAoo Groups. https://medium.com/en-los-espejos-de-un-cafe/a-proposal-of-basic-conduct-behavior-rules-for-whatsapp-groups-ef241d7f54f6

Mallick, Z. (n.d.). https://youyaa.com/whatsapp-group-rules/

8 Rules for WhatsApp Group Chat Etiuquette. (March 2020).  https://sheerluxe.com/life/8-rules-for-whatsapp-group-chat-etiquette

Simpson Millar. (2018, March 28). Solicitors Tips for Employers on WhatsApp in the Workplace. https://www.simpsonmillar.co.uk/media/solicitor-s-tips-for-employers-on-whatsapp-in-the-workplace/

Rules For A WhatsApp Group. (n.d.). https://nrf.ie/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Rules-for-a-Whatsapp-Group-.pdf

FAQ (n.d.). https://emojipedia.org/faq/

Apologies

Journal of International Students. Bista, K. 2016. Cooper, P. Newsome, LK. 2016. International Students’ Cultural and Social Experiences in a British University: “Such a hard life [it] is here’. OJED/STAR

Hitchings, H. 2013. Sorry!: The English and their Manners. Farrar, Straus and Giroux

Holmes, J. 1990. Apologies in New Zealand English. Cambridge University Press

Leech, G. 1983. Principles of Pragmatics. London; New York; Longman

Taylor, C. 2016. Mock politeness and culture: Perceptions and practice in UK and Italian data. Intercultural Pragmatics. De Gruyter Mouton

Thank Yous

Spencer-Oatey, 2000. Culturally Speaking: Managing Rapport Through Talk Across Cultures. Continuum; London; New York

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/britain-thank-you-say-more-world-manners-polite-etiquette-study-a8364806.html

Services

Grieve, A. (2010). “Aber ganz ehrlich”: Differences in episodic structure, apologies and truth-orientation in German and Australian workplace telephone discourse. Journal of Pragmatics, 42(1), 190-219.

Coupland, J. (2014). Introduction: Sociolinguistic perspectives on small talk. In Small talk (pp. 1-25). Routledge.

Wierzbicka, A. (2010). 1. Cultural scripts and intercultural communication. In Pragmatics across languages and cultures(pp. 43-78). De Gruyter Mouton.

Meng, H. (2008). Social script theory and cross-cultural communication. Intercultural Communication Studies, 17(1), 132-138.

Goddard, C. (2009). Cultural scripts. Culture and language use, 2, 68-80.

Personal space

Beaulieu, C. (2006). Intercultural Study of Personal Space: A Case Study. Journal Of Applied Social Psychology, 34(4), 794-805. doi: 10.1111/j.1559-1816.2004.tb02571.x

Norris, A. (2021). prints. Retrieved 24 November 2021, from https://www.theohnoshop.com/collections/prints-1?page=2

Humour

Reimann, A. (2010). Intercultural communication and the essence of humour. Journal of the Faculty of International Studies, Utsunomiya University, (29), 23-34.

Itchy Feet: the Travel and Language Comic. (2021). Retrieved 24 November 2021, from http://www.itchyfeetcomic.com/

Bonus mini-post

Firth, R. (1972). Verbal and bodily rituals of greeting and parting. In J. S. La Fontaine (Ed.), The Interpretation of Rituals. Routledge.

Goodbyes

Firth, R. (1972). Verbal and bodily rituals of greeting and parting. In J. S. La Fontaine (Ed.), The Interpretation of Rituals. Routledge.

Laver, J. (2011). Linguistic Routines and Politeness in Greeting and Parting. In F. Coulmas (Ed.), Volume 2 Conversational Routine (pp. 289-304). Berlin, New York: De Gruyter Mouton.

[eunoiareview]

Sonnet

I have no thoughts when I look at the mountains, just like when I look at the constellations. They know heaven first. All my breath heavy as a soul on a winter’s night. It is only when I am away that the thoughts come rushing on, only when there is nothing to marvel at, that I begin to turn things over in my head. Close one eye, some days I have some power, hold the constellations in my palm,…

[collectorscorner]

CC Blogger - New Arrivals @ Collectors Corner : Wednesday 3/3/21

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[pianopadawan]

Anti-Asian American Hate Crimes Are on the Rise, But Sadly, They Aren’t New...

In light of recent events, I feel like the U.S.'s dark history of anti-AAPI prejudice and violence needs to be brought to light. My sources can be found below the "read more" line.

Racial scapegoating during COVID-19 should be viewed not as an isolated or abnormal phenomenon, but as part of an ongoing trend in anti-Asian sentiment in the U.S., dating back for centuries (Chen, Trinh & Yang, 2020; Chen, Zhang & Liu, 2020). During the 19th century, the first wave of Chinese immigrants to arrive in the U.S. were blamed for outbreaks of smallpox, the bubonic plague and cholera (Chen, Trinh & Yang, 2020; Chen, Zhang & Liu, 2020; Kim & Shah, 2020). Similar to the current COVID-19 pandemic, discourse about these outbreaks included racialized terms to refer to the disease at hand, such as “Asiatic Cholera” (Kim & Shah, 2020). Violence against Chinese American immigrant communities was thereby veiled as efforts to contain diseases, as was the case when neighborhoods in Chinatown were burned under the pretense of preventing the spread of smallpox in the early 1900s (Chen, Zhang & Liu, 2020).

Rising Anti-Asian sentiment in the 19th century ultimately led to the 1882 Chinese Exclusion Act, the first law to explicitly ban one ethnic group from entering the U.S., which was followed by similar immigration laws barring other Asian ethnicities from entry (Eichelberger, 2007; Chen, Trinh & Yang, 2020). While the U.S. lifted these immigration bans in the 1960s, anti-Asian discrimination continued in the form of both implicit bias (e.g. against Asian doctors who could not find work in major cities) and explicit hate crimes (e.g. the murder of Vincent Chin in 1982) (Chen, Trinh & Yang, 2020). More recently, the 2003 SARS epidemic was accompanied by scapegoating of Asian Americans as carrying diseases, xenophobia towards Asian immigrants and a loss in revenue among businesses in Chinatowns after these areas were often falsely associated with the virus (Eichelberger, 2007). Thus, anti-Asian xenophobia and disease scapegoating predate COVID-19.

Sadly, this history is not commonly taught in public schools. This erasure promotes ignorance. Please do not view what is happening now during COVID-19 as an isolated phenomenon. To do so, is to deny truth in favor of a glossy, fictitious view of U.S. history. Perhaps the latter may be easier to swallow, but that does not make it any less toxic.

References (plus a few more good reads)

Carr, D. (2013). Under our skin: How and why stress effects our physical health. Worried sick: How stress gets under our skin (pp. 47-71). New Brunswick, New Jersey, and London: Rutgers University Press.

Chen, A., H., Trinh, J., & Yang, G., P. (2020). Anti-asian sentiment in the united states - COVID-19 and history. The American Journal of Surgery, 220(3), 556-557. doi:10.1016/j.amjsurg.2020.05.020

Chen, J., A., Zhang, E., & Liu, C., H. (2020). Potential impact of COVID-19-related racial discrimination on the health of asian americans. American Journal of Public Health, 110(11), 1624-1627. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2020.305858

Cheng, H., Walker, L., O., Brown, A., & Lee, J. (2015). Gestational weight-gain and perinatal outcomes of subgroups of asian-american women, texas, 2009. Women's Health Issues, 25(3), 303-311. doi:10.1016/j.whi.2015.01.003

Darling-Hammond, S., Michaels, E., K., Allen, A., M., Chae, D., H., Thomas, M., D., Nguyen, T., T., . . . Johnson, R., C. (2020). After "the china virus" went viral: Racially charged coronavirus coverage and trends in bias against asian americans. Health Education & Behavior, doi:10.1177/1090198120957949

Eichelburger, L. (2007). SARS and new york's chinatown: The politics of risk and blame during an epidemic of fear. Social Science & Medicine, 65(6), 1284-1295. doi:10.1016/j.socscimed.2007.04.022

Gee, G., C., Ro, M., J., & Rimoin, A., W. (2020). Seven reasons to care about racism and COVID-19 and seven things to do to stop it. American Journal of Public Health, 110(7), 954-955. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2020.305712

Gee, G., C., Spencer, M., S., Chen, J., & Takeuchi, D. (2011). A nationwide study of discrimination and chronic health conditions among asian americans. American Journal of Public Health, 97(7), 1275-1282. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2006.091827

Hu, J., Wang, M., & Lu, F. (2020). COVID-19 and asian american pacific islanders. Journal of General Internal Medicine, 35(9), 2763-2764. doi:10.1007/s11606-020-05953-5

Kim, G., S., & Shah, T., N. (2020). When perceptions are fragile but also enduring: An asian american reflection on COVID-19. Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 60(5), 604-610. doi:10.1177/0022167820937485

Lauderdale, D., S. (2006). Birth outcomes for arabic-named women in california before and after september 11. Demography, 43, 185-201. doi:10.1353/dem.2006.0008

Le, Linda, T, K., Kiely, J., L., & Schoendorf, K., C. (1996). Birthweight outcomes among asian american and pacific islander subgroups in the united states. International Journal of Epidemiology, 25(5), 973-979. doi:10.1093/ije/25.5.973

Martin, N. (2017, ). Lost mothers. Propublica Retrieved from https://www.propublica.org/article/nothing-protects-black-women-from-dying-in-pregnancy-and-childbirth

Novak, N., L., Geronimus, A., T., & Martinez-Cardoso, A., M. (2017). Change in birth outcomes among infants born to latina mothers after a major immigration raid. International Journal of Epidemiology, 46(3), 839-849. doi:10.1093/ije/dyw346

Ong, E. (2020). Asians facing stigma, discrimination, fear during pandemic. The Nation's Health, 50(3), 10.

Rojas, F. (2017). Power and inequality. Theory for the working sociologist (pp. 20-57). New York: Columbia University Press.

Tessler, H., Choi, M., & Kao, G. (2020). The anxiety of being asian american: Hate crimes and negative biases during the COVID-19 pandemic. American Journal of Criminal Justice, 45, 636-646. doi:10.1007/s12103-020-09541-5

Wang, D., Gee, G., C., Bahiru, E., Yang, E., H., & Hsu, J., J. (2020). Asian-americans and pacific islanders in COVID-19: Emerging disparities amid discrimination. Journal of General Internal Medicine, doi:10.1007/s11606-020-06264-5

[toxoiddiamond]

T H E B A S I C S Given Name: Seong Ki-mun Nicknames: He briefly went by the name Kyle in middle school because he was tired of people teasing him about his “weird” name. But by the time he got to high school he didn’t care anymore and was back to going by his real name. (He also started purposely mispronouncing the names of anyone who made fun of his name– think A-a-ron.) Age: 30 Birthday: November 23rd Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius Birthplace: Anaheim, California Current Location: NYC, New York Speaks: English, Korean (fluently, but his family teases him about his “American accent” all the time) Dominant Hand: Right Education: He got his Associates Degree from LaGuardia Community College, then transferred to NYU and got his Bachelors in Arts & Sciences. He cheerfully refers to college as the most money he’s ever wasted in his life. Occupation: Teaching Assistant in the English department at CUNY Hunter College. He mostly assists with the Writing and Poetry classes, but also helps out with various Literature classes and acts as a substitute teacher within the department if a professor is out sick or anything. He sometimes ends up being treated more like a personal assistant– sent out for coffee or lunch, asked to type up notes or sort paperwork, but he doesn’t mind. Vehicle: Ki-mun’s aunt and uncle bought him a white 1998 Honda Prelude when he graduated from high school, and he still has it to this day. He doesn’t drive much since it’s so impractical in the city, but he likes having it around as an option for longer trips, road trips, etc. Worldly Possessions: Tons of random art supplies– pencils, charcoal, sketchbooks, clay, paints, brushes, etc. Notebooks completely filled with poetry (with many of the poems scribbled out). A fancy smart TV. A bunch of bean bag chairs. A super nice tablet (Ki-Mun may have a bit of an obsession with having the latest technology~). Tons of socks– like, way too many socks. He has an entire dresser drawer just for his socks. Pet(s): A super adorable calico munchkin kitty named Bugsy.

A P P E A R A N C E Height: He says 5’8”, but he’s closer to 5’7”. Hair: Dark black. Very full, soft and shiny. Always seems to fall perfectly into place even with the bare minimum of effort. He usually just puts a bit of pomade in it and tousles it. Facial Hair: His facial hair is very patchy, so he doesn’t bother growing it out. Eye Colour: Brown Skin Tone: A makeup artist friend of his, Andi, occasionally asks to put makeup on Ki-mun as practice (and also for fun) and has informed Ki-mun that his skin tone is “warm beige.” She also informed Ki-mun that he is an Autumn– Ki-mun doesn’t know what that means, but he likes to share it as a fun fact anytime he has to introduce himself to a group of students. Clothing: Ki-mun dresses like a pretty typical hipster, honestly. Skinny jeans, oversized sweaters, band tees, peacoats, cardigans, leather jackets, etc. He usually wears contacts, but occasionally wears big ol’ glasses. Distinguishing Marks: Does being adorable count as a distinguishing feature? Face Claim: Justin H Min

H E A L T H Physical Health: Not bad. Ki-mun was born HIV positive, but has been taking antiretroviral medications since he was a kid. At this point, his viral load is basically non-existent and he is considered to be in remission, with a very good prognosis. Because of the medication he takes, his immune system is not the best, and he is much more susceptible to getting sick as a result. During cold and flu season, Ki-mun will often wear a mask when he’s out in public– his aunt and uncle ingrained that habit in him from a young age (and also wore masks themselves so he wouldn’t feel like the odd one out). Physical Abilities/Limitations: He’s decent at almost anything to do with art, but is especially good at drawing with charcoal. He also likes doing speed-sketches, figure sketches, etc. He is also weirdly good at baseball, and plays on the New York City Metro Baseball Team as part of the NY Blacksox during the season (June through August). Also, he is great at tossing food directly into people’s mouths– popcorn, M&Ms, etc. He hardly ever misses. Addictions: Definitely caffeine, but no serious addictions. Allergies: He gets a mild rash when he eats or touches strawberries. Mental Health: It’s not horrible? It’s not great, but not horrible. As much as he denies it, Ki-mun is pretty lonely, partly because he has such a hard time letting anyone in. He’s not the most trusting person, and tends to keep people at arms’ length until he’s sure they can be trusted. At the moment, he only has one person in his life that he would actually consider a friend. Everyone else is just an acquaintance to him. Ki-mun has sort of “accepted” the idea that he may end up being alone forever, even though that’s not really what he wants.

H I S T O R Y Summary: Ki-mun was born in Anaheim, California, and got off to a pretty rough start. His mother had AIDS, and unfortunately, it was passed on to Ki-mun. He was fine and had no symptoms for a few months, but eventually began to get sick, though thanks to swift treatment, he recovered quickly and the HIV never progressed. As Ki-mun got older, his mother’s health began to deteriorate, until finally they moved in with Ki-mun’s aunt and uncle so they could help take care of her. She eventually was bedridden and had to stay in the hospital full time. One of Ki-mun’s earliest memories is of visiting his mother in the hospital for the last time, which is absolutely one of his worst memories. After his mother passed away, Ki-mun’s aunt and uncle took him in and raised him as one of their own children. They love him like crazy and were amazing parents to him, and Ki-mun has always been grateful to them– not only for raising him, but for loving him as much as they love their actual children and never making him feel like he mattered less. He had a relatively happy childhood in spite of everything. After high school, Ki-mun decided to move to New York– he wanted a change of pace, and wanted a chance to start over and reinvent himself. He found a job and began taking classes at the community college, managed to get his associate’s degree after a year and a half, and transferred to NYU to get his Bachelors. Ki-mun was a very dedicated student and didn’t spend a lot of time getting to know any of his fellow classmates, going to parties, making friends, etc. Still, he ended up being roped into a friend/study group, which is where he ended up meeting Spencer. Spencer was the first person that Ki-mun had serious feelings for. They were friends for the better part of two years, each attracted to the other but both too nervous to say anything. Finally, a week before graduation, Ki-mun got up the courage to confess how he felt, and they became an official couple for all of one day. Unfortunately, once Ki-mun explained to Spencer about his diagnosis, Spencer flew off the handle and accused Ki-mun of being deceptive, being a liar, being manipulative, etc. He told Ki-mun he was disgusting and to never contact him again, and that was that. Shortly after Ki-mun’s heart was smashed to pieces, he packed up everything he owned and moved to a new area of the city, wanting to put at least a little bit of distance between himself and his old friend group. It was here that he met Andi and became close friends with her, and also found a job at CUNY Hunter College. Although Ki-mun feels that his life is generally good and happy– he enjoys his job, has a really good friend and coworkers he likes, he has gotten really into his poetry lately and has been reading it at open mic nights– he can’t help but feel that something is missing from his life. Job History: He worked in his aunt and uncle’s restaurant from ages fifteen to eighteen. When he moved to New York, he did a little bit of job hopping before finally settling on a job at a grocery store– he stayed at that job until he graduated from college and took his job at CUNY Hunter. Fondest Memories: Despite the fact that his childhood was pretty rough at times, Ki-mun has a lot of great memories as well. Family trips to Korea, various birthdays, his graduation day. He also has fond memories of his job at the grocery store– as much as he didn’t enjoy the work, he really liked his coworkers. Plus, all the various spur-of-the-moment adventures Andi has dragged him into. Worst Experiences: His mother dying when he was four years old. Finally getting to be with the person he’d been hung up on for two years, only to be broken up with after less than a day.

C O M M U N I C A T I O N Speech Pace/Style: Sarcastic. Often sounds like he might be annoyed. He speaks in monotone with most people, even when he’s not in a bad mood, so people often think he’s angry or doesn’t like them (and to be fair, they are sometimes correct). If he’s talking to a friend, he’ll definitely be more animated and not so grumpy. And if, by chance, he’s talking to someone he’s attracted to (*coughDODGERcough*) then he’ll get a little tongue-tied, like he wants to flirt but he doesn’t really know how. Accent: American. When he speaks Korean, his American accent does come through a bit, something his family likes to tease him about. Favorite Phrases or Words: When he’s done listening to someone and wants them to stop talking to him/stop telling him a boring story, he will just say “cool” in the most monotone voice he can manage. It usually works. Usual Curse Words: He says “Jesus Christ” and “oh fuck” a lot.

P E R S O N A L I T Y, M I N D S E T, A N D B E L I E F S Personality Type: ISFP-T Sense of Humor: Definitely sarcastic and dry. He can be mean at times, but usually only if the person deserves it. As a result, Ki-mun has been described as “sassy” more than once. When he’s with people he actually likes, Ki-mun is a lot more lighthearted and not so sarcastic. Habits: Twists his lips a little when he’s thinking hard. Rolls his eyes when someone says something he thinks is dumb. Also rolls his eyes and sighs if he’s stuck in a conversation he really doesn’t want to have. When he’s reading his poetry out loud, he never looks up at the audience/whoever is listening because he’ll get too nervous if he sees everyone looking at him. Fears/Phobias: As much as he tries to act like he doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him, Ki-mun is very secretive about certain aspects of himself, and is very afraid of someone finding out more about him than he wants them to know. He can’t stand having his privacy invaded, and it honestly makes him feel sick to think of the wrong person knowing too much about him (he still hates that he ever let himself be so vulnerable with Spencer, and blames himself for not seeing more clearly what kind of person he was). Strengths: Ki-mun is very creative and has a knack for all kinds of art. Although it’s hard to get to know him, once he becomes friends with someone, he is fiercely loyal and would do anything for them. As a teacher/teaching assistant, he is exceptionally patient– much more so than in other aspects of his life. He is always happy to answer questions and help anyone student who needs it. Underneath his harsh exterior, Ki-mun is a kind person who just has trouble opening himself up to others. Flaws: He has built up a lot of walls around himself in an effort to try and keep himself from getting hurt. Every time he’s let those walls down, he’s ended up regretting it and building them back up even higher. Anyone who wants to get to know him has to be very determined. Ki-mun is also not the type of person to be nice just because social conventions say he should– if he doesn’t like someone, he won’t talk to them. If he thinks someone is boring, he will tell them so. He can’t stand small talk and will never willingly engage in it. This makes him a very difficult person to interact with. Hopes/Desires: He is not entirely sure what he wants to do with his life, but right now, he’s happy just working and exploring his options. All he knows is that he wants to keep writing poetry, possibly get some published, and keep working in a field that lets him play to his strengths. Wildest Fantasy: A cure for HIV/AIDS being found. Self-Esteem: It’s a little complicated. On some level, Ki-mun is confident in himself and proud of all he’s accomplished in his life. But at the same time, he has it in his head that he doesn’t deserve some of the things he wants, such as a romantic relationship, marriage, a family, etc. He kind of views himself as damaged goods, unfortunately. Religion: He was raised Protestant, and his family used to be fairly devout. He went to church every Sunday, they read scriptures and said a family prayer every night, etc. But the older the kids got, the less active in the church the entire family became. His parents and siblings are still casually religious, and Ki-mun has held on to certain aspects of it, but he doesn’t care about going to church or reading the bible or anything.

R A N D O M Sleeping Position: Usually on his stomach, occasionally on his back. Boxers or Briefs?: Briefs Day or Night?: He’s okay with both. He works during the day, which he likes, and in the late afternoon/evening he goes to the cafe and hangs out or reads his poetry. Top or Bottom?: Bottom, but he’s willing to switch if his partner wants to. Partying or Relaxing?: He likes parties, but he really prefers relaxing when it comes right down to it.

R E L A T I O N S H I P S Closest Friend: Andi is currently the only person Ki-mun would call a friend. He has a lot of acquaintances, but no one else that he’s really close to. Relationship History: He dated a couple of people in high school, but it was just puppy love and nothing serious. He had a couple of flings in college as well, just short-lived, purely physical relationships, and the only sexual encounters Ki-mun has ever had. And then there was Spencer. Ki-mun has not even been on a date since that whole debacle. Sexual Partners: Just the two guys Ki-mun had brief flings with. Thoughts About Sex: He enjoys it. He’s also pretty sure he’s never going to have it again, and has come to accept that.

P A R E N T S Name(s): His mother’s name was Seong Bo-ram. His aunt and uncle are named Park Min-ji and Park Kang-dae. Age(s): His mother passed away at the age of 28. His aunt is 57 and his uncle is 60. Social Standing: His mother was very well-liked, but was shunned by a lot of her friends after she not only became pregnant out of wedlock, but ended up contracting HIV. His aunt and uncle are well-respected in their community, and also well-off financially, firmly in the upper middle class. Occupation(s): His mom was a flight attendant. His aunt and uncle run a small Korean restaurant which is extremely popular– on weekends there’s often a line of people outside waiting to get in. Religion: Protestant-ish. Quality of Relationship With Their Children: Ki-mun’s mom loved him a ton– the reason she left him to her sister and brother-in-law is because she knew they would love Ki-mun as much as she did, and she was right. Ki-mun is still very close to his aunt and uncle. Living/Deceased: His mother is dead, but his aunt and uncle are alive.

S I B L I N G (S) Name(s): Park Kang-min,  Jang-mi (aka Jamie) Sanders, and Park Bo-ram (named after Ki-mun’s mother). Age(s): 33, 31, and 27. Social Standing: They’re all doing quite well in life and are upstanding members of society. Occupation(s): Kang-min is a commercial airline pilot, Jamie is currently a stay-at-home mom but plans to go back to work as an RN once her kids are a little older, and Bo-ram is a violinist with the California Symphony. Religion: They’re all sorta Protestant, but Jamie is the only one of them who still goes to church now and then. Quality of Relationship with Character: Even though they are technically Ki-mun’s cousins, they always refer to him as their brother. They’re all pretty close; they don’t talk all the time or anything, but when they do, they get along very well and have always enjoyed each other’s company. Living/Deceased: All living~

D A I L Y L I F E Living Arrangements: Ki-mun lives in a modest studio apartment fairly close to both his work and Central Park. The apartment is well-decorated, with a lived-in, cozy sort of look. He’s very comfortable where he is, not at all bothered by living in a small space, especially considering how much more expensive it would be to upgrade to a one-bedroom.

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84097 Attorneys

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If you want to check out other attorneys, here is a list of lawyers and paralegal services that we were able to locate. Please keep in mind that we do not constantly update this page and some of the information may be outdated or incorrect.

• Clarkson & Associates, LLC 1240 E 100 S #222 Kanab, UT 84790 • Sadler Cindy M Attorney 3770 Viking Road Salt Lake City, UT 84109 • Phillips Randall G Attorney 2510 Washington Blvd. Suite 200 Ogden, UT 84403 • Roy B Moore PC & Associates 428 E Winchester St Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Roberts J Val Attorney 48 E 400 S Bountiful, UT 84010 • Holman & Walker 9537 S 700 E Sandy, UT 84070 • Snow Ryan Attorney 9657 Vance Ct South Jordan, UT 84095 • America’s Capital 631 W North Temple Salt Lake City, UT 84116 • Bishop Lee Attorney 4700 S 900 E Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • Aaronson Grand 19 W Main St, #28 Vernal, UT 84078 • The Bankruptcy Center 36 E 400 N Provo, UT 84606 • Klc Thomas J Attorney 4725 Holladay Blvd, Ste 110 Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • Flint Edward Attorney 7190 S State St Midvale, UT 84047 • Legal Benefits 44 E St Salt Lake City, UT 84103 • Davis Elmer Thomas Jr Attorney 1181 Chandler Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84103 • Washburn Kimberly D Attorney 405 E 12450 S Draper, UT 84020 • Buchi Mark K Attorney 299 S Main St, Ste 1800 Salt Lake City, UT 84111

• Chiara Keith H 98 N 400 E Price, UT 84501 • De Jonge Nicolaas Attorney 4212 Highland Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84124 • Allred David M PC 26 E Main St Castle Dale, UT 84513 • Newtxt Inc 40 S 600 E Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Loveridge Michael R Attorney 262 E 3900 S, Ste 209 Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Olsen Skoubye & Nielson LLC 45 W Sego Lily Dr, Ste 300 Sandy, UT 84070 • Laker Stephen A Attorney 2568 Washington Blvd Ogden, UT 84401 • ARIC Cramer Attorney at Law 845 S Main St Bountiful, UT 84010 • Greg Ericksen Attorney at Law 1065 W 500 S Woods Cross, UT 84087 • Cummings Craig S Attorney 50 S 700 E, #4001 Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Uresk Roland PC 47 S Main St Roosevelt, UT 84066 • Slaugh Franklin L 880 E 9400 S, #103 Sandy, UT 84094 • Brown George E Jr Attorney at Law 6 W Main St American Fork, UT 84003 • Lord- Robert L Attorney 2029 Highland View Cir Salt Lake City, UT 84109 • Robbins L Edward Attorney 190 W Center St Kanab, UT 84741 • Thompson Roger H Attorney 111 E Broadway Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Mansfield Corporation 11075 S State St Sandy, UT 84070 • Credit Attorney 555 E 1860 S Provo, UT 84606 • Ward David R Attorney 4543 S 700 E Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Bankruptcy Law Professionals 111 E Broadway, Suite 340 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Ferre L Mark Attorney 1366 Murray Holladay Rd Salt Lake City, UT 84117

• Ball J Spencer Attorney 7109 Highland Dr, #201 Salt Lake City, UT 84121 • Gotthard John CPA ESQ 2078 Prospector Ave Park City, UT 84060 • Robert J Fuller Attorney at Law 1090 N 5900 E Eden, UT 84310 • L G Cutler 1415 Skyview Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84124 • Neeley Douglas L Attorney 1 S Main St, Ste 205 Manti, UT 84642 • Perkins D Kendall Attorney 2417 Cliff Swallow Dr Sandy, UT 84093 • Quick Records Professional 147 Election Rd, Ste 200 Draper, UT 84020 • Wilde- Robert H. Attorney P.O. Box 71922 Salt Lake City, UT 84121 • Fadel George Attorney 170 W 400 S Bountiful, UT 84010 • Gravis Martin V 2562 Washington Blvd Ogden, UT 84401 • Roybal Frank A Attorney 442 N Main St Bountiful, UT 84010 • Buividas Alan J Attorney 107 N Main St Bountiful, UT 84010 • Hulse Loren R Attorney 15 W South Temple Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Lybbert Steve Attorney 7069 Highland Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84121 • Winesett- Nathan S. Attorney 8180 S 700 E, #200 Sandy, UT 84070 • Vincent- Craig T. Attorney 333 N 300 W Salt Lake City, UT 84103 • Doncouse Law Firm P.C. 2411 Kiesel Ave Ogden, UT 84401 • Davis Scott B Attorney 863 25th St Ogden, UT 84401 • Roylance- Bradley N. Attorney 175 S Main St, #1100 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Slemboski James E Attorney 32 E 100 S #203 Kanab, UT 84770 • Dangerfield Joel R Attorney 9 Exchange Pl, Ste 1123 Salt Lake City, UT 84111

• Berrett Joel D 58 E 100 N Roosevelt, UT 84066 • Jones Gilliam & Burr 853 W Center St Orem, UT 84057 • Huang Rex H 8148 Highland Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84121 • Winegar Todd Attorney 523 Cambridge Cir Salt Lake City, UT 84103 • Awerkamp E Scott 37 W 1070 S #102 Kanab, UT 84770 • Winters Donald W Attorney at Law 375 E 790 S Pleasant Grove, UT 84062 • Lundberg & Associates 3269 S Main St, Ste 100 Salt Lake City, UT 84115 • Bertch Daniel F Attorney 1996 E 6400 S Salt Lake City, UT 84121 • Schmutz Mohlman & Rohbock Attorneys at Law 533 W 2600 S Bountiful, UT 84010 • Perry Malmberg & Perry 99 N Main St Logan, UT 84321 • Brinton- Robert L Attorney 675 E 2100 S Salt Lake City, UT 84106 • Flitton John S Attorney at Law 1840 Sun Peak Dr Park City, UT 84098 • Kruse Landa Maycock & Ricks LLC 50 W Broadway, #300 Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Neilson Lenard Attorney 8160 Highland Dr, #209 Sandy, UT 84093 • Fonnesbeck Christian S 215 A St Salt Lake City, UT 84103 • Jason P Eves Attorney at Law 3055 N 1300 E Layton, UT 84040 • Henriod Joseph L Attorney 2262 E 1700 S Salt Lake City, UT 84108 • Cummings- John Attorney 3856 Washington Blvd Ogden, UT 84403 • Stewart Timothy 3761 S 700 E Salt Lake City, UT 84106 • Bown Edward M Attorney 1015 E 3900 S Salt Lake City, UT 84124 • Goldstein Janet A Attorney 5077 Silver Springs Rd Park City, UT 84098 • Olsen Justin R PC 45 W Sego Lily Dr, #307 Sandy, UT 84070 • Security Title Insurance Agency of Utah Inc 376 E 400 S Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Clark Carlos Attorney 1640 W 500 S Salt Lake City, UT 84104 • Ziter James Cattorney at Law 3760 Highland Dr, #500 Salt Lake City, UT 84106 • AF Attorney-Lebaron Law Offices 802 Bamberger Dr American Fork, UT 84003 • Bankruptcy Attorney 5595 S Redwood Rd Salt Lake City, UT 84123

• Kirk Paul Alma Attorney 125 E 300 S Provo, UT 84606 • Robert Henry Copier 17 E 400 S Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Shand Bruce W Attorney 4505 Wasatch Blvd, #340 Salt Lake City, UT 84124 • Rudd Jonathan Attorney 392 E 12300 S Draper, UT 84020 • Halliday Paul M Attorney – Halliday Paul M 3986 Lares Way Salt Lake City, UT 84124 • A Better Choice 140 W 9000 S Sandy, UT 84070 • Paulsen Ted B Attorney 9350 S 150 E Sandy, UT 84070 • Jackson J Bryan Attorney 97 N Main St Cedar City, UT 84720 • Law Office of Ron J Kramer 11576 S State St, #501 Draper, UT 84020 • Deboer Gordon W Attorney at Law 69 Thaynes Canyon Dr Park City, UT 84060 • Atkin J Ralph Attorney 1240 E 100 S #10 Kanab, UT 84790 • Harmond George M Jr Attorney 1198 W 1500 N Price, UT 84501 • Jones Tom Criminal Attorney 211 E Broadway Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Ellis Dean B Attorney 3600 Market St, Ste 101 Salt Lake City, UT 84119 • Egan- Sean N. Attorney 136 S Main St, #408 Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Skeen Richard C Attorney 201 S Main St, Ste 1100 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Fishburn Bryan Attorney 4505 Wasatch Blvd Salt Lake City, UT 84124 • Professional Offices 5450 Green St Salt Lake City, UT 84123 • McBride Edward W Attorney 2749 Parleys Way, #300 Salt Lake City, UT 84109 • Utah Bankruptcy Professionals P C 9217 S 1300 E Sandy, UT 84094 • Bucher John R Attorney 957 1st Ave Salt Lake City, UT 84103 • Bartholomew WYNN 5505 S 900 E Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • Feil Randall S Attorney 3748 Bountiful Blvd Bountiful, UT 84010 • Jaenish Michael Attorney 150 S 600 E Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Havas David Bert 533 26th St, Ste 100 Ogden, UT 84401 • Larry Long Attorney 350 W Broadway Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Schlopy Max PC Attorney 3429 Saddleback Rd Park City, UT 84098 • Multi Cultural Legal Center 205 N 400 W Salt Lake City, UT 84103 • Phinney Law Firm 1055 S 545 E Orem, UT 84097 • Schwab & Hardcastle LLC 225 S 200 W Farmington, UT 84025 • Larsen & Rammell Attorneys at Law 3600 S Market St, #100 Salt Lake City, UT 84119 • Anderson- L Robert Attorney 17 Blue Mountain Dr Monticello, UT 84535 • Pearce Brett Attorney 1218 W South Jordan Pky South Jordan, UT 84095 • Jamis Johnson Johnson & Associates 352 Denver St Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • John C Heath Attorney at Law PLLC 634 S 400 W Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Legalees 556 E 1400 S Orem, UT 84097 • Robert J Debry and Associates 4252 S 700 E Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Kipp Blake P Attorney 825 E 4800 S, Ste 133 Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Second Opinion Executive Business Assistance Po Box 11586 Salt Lake City, UT 84147 • McGee Mary Paxman 1855 Brookhill Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84121 • Cragun Dan Law Offices Of 2608 Washington Blvd Ogden, UT 84401 • Karlin Myers Attorney 60 N 100 W St Kanab, UT 84770 • Bullock- Clinton J Attorney 353 E Broadway Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • King Samuel Attorney 3189 Joyce Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84109 • Parry Edwin Attorney 3782 W 2340 S Salt Lake City, UT 84120 • Pre-Paid Legal Independent Associate 15366 Silverpoint Cir Bluffdale, UT 84065 • Woolley Chad L Attorney at Law 78 E 100 S Payson, UT 84651 • Rose Reilly Attorney at Law 81 N 300 E Moab, UT 84532 • Adams Stanley Attorney at Law 680 E 600 S Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Buckley John W Attorney at Law 3311 N University Ave Provo, UT 84604 • Swindler & Co. 1743 Horizon View Ct Draper, UT 84020 • Mangum & Holt 251 W Main St Vernal, UT 84078 • Matthews- Elaine Moore Attorney 649 Mi Vida Dr Moab, UT 84532 • Law Office of David Pedrazas 4001 S 700 E, #500 Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Hughes & Morley Law Practice Attorney 21 E 300 N Spanish Fork, UT 84660 • Roth Linda L W Attorney 215 S State St, #800 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Chacon Solomon Attorney 945 E 100 S Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Martin Mel S Attorney 5286 Commerce Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Fund Raising Counsel Inc Po Box 58605 Salt Lake City, UT 84158 • Adams William H Attorney 170 S Main St, Ste 1125 Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Davies Christopher A Attorney 7651 Main St, #107 Midvale, UT 84047 • A Plus Accident & Injury Attorney 290 25th St, Ste 204 Ogden, UT 84401 • Macfarlane Grant Attorney 35 50 E Coalville, UT 84017 • Alpine Residential Mortgage LLC 141 E 5600 S Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Gubler Scott A Attorney 1414 E 3850 S St George, UT 84790 • Law Office of Stephen Elggren 7390 Creek Rd, #201 Sandy, UT 84047 • Shaggy’s Living Room 155 W 200 S Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Morrison Heather E Attorney 4276 Highland Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84124 • Frazier Law Firm PC 11778 Election Rd Draper, UT 84020 • Daniels Scott Attorney Po Box 521328 Salt Lake City, UT 84152 • John H Jacobs PC 75 N Center St American Fork, UT 84003 • Vance Ronald N Attorney 57 W 200 S, Suite 310 Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Argue Pearson Harbison & Myers- LLP 10 W Broadway, #500 Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Bouwhuis Michael Attorney 2564 Washington Blvd Ogden, UT 84401 • ABC 4 News Southern Utah Bureau 205 E Tabernacle St St George, UT 84770 • Family Law Practice 150 S 600 E, #8c Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Berry & Tripp P C 1150 S Bluff St, #8 St George, UT 84770 • Stratton Keven 1313 E 800 N Orem, UT 84097 • Nakamura Blake A LLC 142 E 200 S Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Essig Fred D Attorney 36 S State St, Ste 1250 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Hanna Charles Attorney 311 S State St, Ste 450 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Peterson & Simpson 2115 Dallin St Salt Lake City, UT 84109 • SMAY E Craig Attorney 174 E South Temple St Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Allen- Randall C. Attorney 415 N Main St, #303 Cedar City, UT 84721 • Gould Mark H Attorney 1050 E 3300 S Salt Lake City, UT 84106 • Steffensen David W Attorney 448 E Winchester St Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Barton-Coombs Cindy Attorney 193 N State St Roosevelt, UT 84066 • Lindberg Neil 13692 Hackamore Dr Draper, UT 84020 • Dodenbier Robert F Law Offices Of 12357 S 450 E Draper, UT 84020 • Hoskins Katherine Attorney 857 Meadow Way Dr Layton, UT 84041 • Hillyard Anderson & Olsen Attorneys 175 E 100 N Logan, UT 84321 • Richman & Richman LLC 60 S 600 E, #100 Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Noyes Ron Attorney 746 E 1910 S Provo, UT 84606 • Jensen Michael R Attorney at Law 90 W 100 N Price, UT 84501 • Peck Elizabeth M 134 S 700 W Salt Lake City, UT 84104 • Thomas Tax & Law 220 Morris Ave Salt Lake City, UT 84115 • H Otco 4516 Mathews Way Salt Lake City, UT 84124 • EDER Robert Jr Attorney at Law 565 E 4500 S Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Dunn Clifford V Attorney 170 N 400 E St George, UT 84770 • LY VINH K 2900 S State St, Ste 208 Salt Lake City, UT 84115 • Taylor Jay W Attorney 8160 Highland Drive Ofc Sandy, UT 84093 • Novak Joseph Attorney 960 Donner Way Salt Lake City, UT 84108 • Redd F Bennion Attorney 132 S Main St Monticello, UT 84535 • Warner Frank S Attorney 3564 Lincoln Ave Ogden, UT 84401 • D’Elia & Lehmer 7620 Royal St Park City, UT 84060 • Harmon Milton T Attorney 36 S Main St Nephi, UT 84648 • Saunders & Saunders Attorneys 401 Main St Park City, UT 84060 • G Eric Nielson & Associates 4790 Holladay Blvd Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • Holmes Douglas J Attorney 274 25th St Ogden, UT 84401 • Utah Valley Patent Svc 846 S 1350 E Provo, UT 84606 • Vanwagenen Michael Attorney at Law Esquire 1505 S Redwood Rd Salt Lake City, UT 84104 • Harris L James Jr Attorney 214 E 500 S Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Carver David Ray Attorney 93 S Main St Kaysville, UT 84037 • Grant & Grant PC 420 E South Temple St Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Thomas Jonathan P 31 Federal Ave Logan, UT 84321 • Hawkins Boyd J Attorney 459 N 300 W Kaysville, UT 84037 • Magid Sydney Jayne Attorney 136 S Main St #820 Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • BEUS Edwin H Attorney at Law 1440 Granada Dr Sandy, UT 84093 • Snow Legal Centers 105 E State Rd Pleasant Grove, UT 84062 • Guglielmo Paul Attorney 68 S Main St Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Utah Legal Services 893 24th St Ogden, UT 84401 • Fairbourn Clayton Attorney 7321 S State St Midvale, UT 84047 • Carolyn Attorney at Law Degroff 24 N Main St Kanab, UT 84741 • McHenry Samuel Attorney 672 E Vine St Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Fisher Darwin Law Office 40 N 300 E St George, UT 84770 • Jensen Jonathan K Attorney 4849 S State St Murray, UT 84107 • Jaussi Clair J Attorney at Law 350 E Center St, Ste 2 Provo, UT 84606 • Meyers Oliver K Attorney 265 E 100 S, #300 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Sackett Gary G Attorney 180 East 100 South Salt Lake City, UT 84139 • Ormond William R Attorney 3354 Harrison Blvd Ogden, UT 84403 • Besendorfer Mark Attorney 942 E North Union Ave Midvale, UT 84047 • ZOLL & Tycksen LC Attorneys at Law 5300 S Green St, #360 Murray, UT 84123 • Savage J Bruce Jr Attorney at Law 1821 Sidewinder Dr Park City, UT 84060 • Brown Don Attorney Courthouse Richfield, UT 84701 • Mathews Dennis Attorney 55 N Main St Logan, UT 84321 • Lewis Kay M Attorney 320 S 300 E Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Carmicheal Larrie Attorney 975 E 6600 S Ogden, UT 84405 • Wall & Wall Attorney 5200 Highland Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • Moffat Stephen Attorney 452 E 3900 S Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • All-Search & Inspection Inc 1108 E South Union Ave Midvale, UT 84047 • Don R. Schow Attorney at Law 4059 S 4000 W West Valley City, UT 84120 • Christensen Steve S Attorney 136 E South Temple St Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Taylor Margret Sidwell Attorney 147 S Main St Helper, UT 84526 • Cannon- Karl R. Attorney 1225 Fort Union Blvd, #300 Cottonwood Heights, UT 84121 • Berry Andrew B Attorney 35 W Main St Mt Pleasant, UT 84647 • Chrystler Gary L Attorney 363 N University Ave Provo, UT 84601 • Maw- Barbara L. Attorney 515 E 100 S, #525 Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Jones Kyle W Attorney 36 S State St, Ste 1200 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Homer Stephen G Attorney 9225 S Redwood Rd West Jordan, UT 84088 • Jacques Bruce A Attorney 3194 S 1100 E Salt Lake City, UT 84106 • King- Brian S. Attorney 336 S 300 E, #200 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Beshear Law Center 2679 Builders Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84118 • Beecroft Joseph N Attorney 2655 Hillside Pines Cir Salt Lake City, UT 84109 • Cook David S Attorney 85 W 400 S Bountiful, UT 84010 • Dew Lindsey Phillip Attorney 7660 Holden St Midvale, UT 84047 • Rouse Morna Bowman Attorney at Law Po Box 369 Park City, UT 84060 • Laurence Arthur Bruce National 621 S 1360 W Logan, UT 84321 • Gardner Development 4120 Highland Dr, Ste 100 Salt Lake City, UT 84124 • Rasmussen Thomas V 4659 Highland Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • Brown- Jennifer A. Attorney 136 S Main St Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Hines Dane L Attorney 524 W 300 N #103 Provo, UT 84601 • Bailey Steven R Attorney 2454 Washington Blvd Ogden, UT 84401 • Cutler Nicholas W 265 E 100 S, Ste 250 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Daines Chris Lawyer 135 N Main St Logan, UT 84321 • Jackman Frederick A 1327 S 800 E, Ste 110 Orem, UT 84097 • Palmer L Paul Attorney 3646 Wendell Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84115 • Liapis & Gray LC 175 W 200 S Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Public Defender OFC – Felony Division- Misdemeanor Division 424 E 500 S, Ste 300 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Hutchison Richard C Attorney 111 W 200 S Farmington, UT 84025 • Hatch Denton M PC 128 W 900 N Spanish Fork, UT 84660 • Lunt- Larry V Attorney 275 E South Temple St Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Boley Mikel M Attorney 3535 S 3200 W Salt Lake City, UT 84119 • Bearnson & Peck LC 74 W 100 N Logan, UT 84321 • Tina Lefgren Attorney 200 W Parrish Ln Centerville, UT 84014 • Spratling Ronald N Jr Attorney 2020 Murray Holladay Rd Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • Janerich Dwight Attorney at Law 4764 S 900 E Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • County of Salt Lake – Aging Services-Administration- Legal Services 205 W 400 S Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Taylor- Nolan S. Attorney 170 S Main St, #900 Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Henrie Gary R Attorney 1200 S State St, #215 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Herron Nathan V Attorney 935 E South Union Ave Midvale, UT 84047 • Hartman Eric P Attorney 2558 Wilshire Cir Salt Lake City, UT 84109 • Utah Legal Services Inc 965 S Main St, #3 Cedar City, UT 84720 • Law Student 2052 Wilmington Ave Salt Lake City, UT 84109 • Lange Jennifer L Attorney 60 E South Temple St, #1270 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Lundgren Alvin R Attorney 5015 Old Highway Rd Morgan, UT 84050 • Hamilton Keith N Attorney at Law 10168 S Redwood Rd South Jordan, UT 84095 • Dixon Truman Bangerter & Fisher 192 E 200 N #203 Kanab, UT 84770 • J Franklin Allred P C 4047 Highway 36 Tooele, UT 84074 • Hatch Joseph E Attorney 5295 Commerce Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Watkins Kevin Attorney 3 Triad Centre Salt Lake City, UT 84180 • Archuleta Robert M 333 Denver St Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Wansker- Henry B. Attorney 4543 S 700 E, Ste 101 Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Millard County – Attorney Po Box 545 Delta, UT 84624 • Speciale George H Attorney 39 Exchange Pl, #200 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Boyer Associates LLC 2545 N Canyon Rd Provo, UT 84604 • Gregersen Mark J Attorney 3855 S 500 W Salt Lake City, UT 84115 • Card Scott Attorney 39 W 300 N Provo, UT 84601 • Frandsen Richard B Attorney 7109 Highland Dr, Ste 204 Salt Lake City, UT 84121 • Marshall- Ward S. Attorney 135 N 900 E #5 Kanab, UT 84770 • JAX H Pettey Attorney at Law 9488 Union Sq Sandy, UT 84070 • Bartlett & Webster A PC Attorneys 5093 S 1500 W Ogden, UT 84405 • Johnson David W Attorney at Law 301 W 5400 S, #104 Murray, UT 84107 • Holdsworth David J 9125 Monroe St Sandy, UT 84070 • Clayton Grant R Pat Attorney 10117 S 2165 E Sandy, UT 84092 • Walstad & Babcock 57 W South Temple, Fl 8th Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Fisher- Kulaniakea Attorney 10653 S River Front Pky, #150 South Jordan, UT 84095 • Urry Pamela C Attorney 136 S Main St, #221 Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Weber County Public Defenders Association 2568 Washington Blvd, Ste 203 Ogden, UT 84401 • Rick S Lundell PC 136 S Main St, #200a Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Johnson Blain Attorney at Law 3434 Washington Blvd Ogden, UT 84401 • Walsh John Attorney at Law 2319 Foothill Dr, Ste 270 Salt Lake City, UT 84109 • Roundy Thor B Attorney 448 E 400 S Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Neff R Bradley Attorney 9730 S 700 E Sandy, UT 84070 • Friel David Attorney 2875 Decker Lake Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84119 • Carr & Waddoups 8 E Broadway, Ste 609 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Rushton Kenneth A Attorney 99 W Main St, Ste 208 Lehi, UT 84043 • Packard Packard & Johnson 2795 E Cottonwood Pky, #600 Salt Lake City, UT 84121 • Buhler- Stephen J. Attorney 3540 S 4000 W, #245 West Valley City, UT 84120 • Hayes Michael Z Attorney 300 E 3900 S, #2118 Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Richards Kevin G Attorney 2671 Foothill Dr Ogden, UT 84403 • Easterly Eric G Attorney at Law 1795 Sidewinder Dr, Ste 201 Park City, UT 84060 • Park Glen W Attorney Po Box 17181 Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • David R. McKinney- P.C. 8 E Broadway, #500 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Denali Inc 1134 Whileaway Rd E Park City, UT 84098 • Burningham- Leonard W. Attorney 455 N 5th W Salt Lake City, UT 84116 • Gustavson Mark S Attorney 1348 Longdale Dr Sandy, UT 84092 • Lind Eric S Attorney 34 N Main St Kanab, UT 84741 • Blackburn- Timothy W. Attorney 2404 Washington Blvd, #900 Ogden, UT 84401 • Cowley Charles H Attorney 308 Alta St Salt Lake City, UT 84103 • Douglas Hogan 86 S Main St Tooele, UT 84074 • Allphin JERI L Attorney 1327 S 800 E Orem, UT 84097 • Call- Frank Attorney 29 S State St Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Bailey Taylor & Jennings LC 584 S State St Orem, UT 84058 • Richards J Randall Attorney 5373 S Green St Salt Lake City, UT 84123 • Shapiro Bruce H Attorney 3760 Highland Dr, Ste 200 Salt Lake City, UT 84106 • Hartwig David R Attorney at Law 1817 S Main St, #17 Salt Lake City, UT 84115 • Schoenhals Jack L Attorney 2849 Millicent Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84108 • Atwood Robert D 40 W Cache Valley Blvd Logan, UT 84341 • Kenny Philip S Attorney 1892 E 5665 S Ogden, UT 84403 • Argyle Wesley C Attorney Attorney at Law 495 S 100 W Bountiful, UT 84010 • Hettinger H Russell 211 E Broadway, #216 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Barker Phillip D Attorney at Law 165 W Canyon Crest Rd Alpine, UT 84004 • Corporon & Williams Attorneys 405 S Main St Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Mitchell Scott B Attorney 2469 Fort Union Blvd Salt Lake City, UT 84121 • Guyon Peter W Attorney 3300 Newhouse Dr Magna, UT 84044 • Welling Scott Attorney 502 W 200 N Midway, UT 84049 • Drake David 7146 S 1300 E Midvale, UT 84047 • Stuart Dean A 1805 S Redwood Rd Salt Lake City, UT 84104 • Cox- ELLE Attorney 39 Exchange Pl Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Marshall Randall Lee P C Attorney 5926 Fashion Point Dr, #200 Ogden, UT 84403 • Combs Kenneth L Attorney at Law 120 E Saint George Blvd St George, UT 84770 • Warr Irene Attorney at Law 5285 W 2400 S Salt Lake City, UT 84120 • Anderson & Anderson PC 1st St N Monticello, UT 84535 • Immigration Law Center 320 W 200 S Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Adams- Gregory J. Attorney 170 S Main St, #800 Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Durham- John C. Attorney 2 S Main St Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Hunt Brian T 1111 Brickyard Rd Salt Lake City, UT 84106 • Parsons William B III 440 E 3300 S Salt Lake City, UT 84115 • Ascione Heideman & McKay LLC 50 E 100 S St George, UT 84770 • Clegg- Perry S. Attorney 8 E Broadway, #550 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Collard Kathryn Attorney 9 Exchange Pl, #1111 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Clark J Colby Attorney 201 S Main St Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • McCullough & Associates LLC 6885 S State St Midvale, UT 84047 • Cook Craig S Attorney 3645 Cascade Way Salt Lake City, UT 84109 • Goodman Joseph Attorney 2825 E Cottonwood Pky Salt Lake City, UT 84121 • Medsker Richard R Attorney 205 26th St Ogden, UT 84401 • Medlin James B 783 Rainforest Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Smith Joyce G Attorney at Law 34 E 200 N Blanding, UT 84511 • Cannon & Match P C 370 E South Temple St, #200 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Corry W Kent Attorney 630 W 200 N Cedar City, UT 84720 • Beaslin John C PC 185 N Vernal Ave, Ste 1 Vernal, UT 84078 • Calder Tom 312 Main St Park City, UT 84060 • Rudman Tony J Attorney 1111 Brickyard Rd, #106 Salt Lake City, UT 84106 • Haugej Tamera 1121 E 3900 S Salt Lake City, UT 84124 • Warren- Barton J. Attorney 261 E 300 S, #175 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Immigration Law Offices of REZA Athari 498 Skyline Dr St George, UT 84770 • Guardian Ad Litem & Casa 37 N 100 E Salina, UT 84654 • Harper Ward Attorney 525 E 100 S Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Jaussi Jonathan Attorney at Law 524 W 300 N Provo, UT 84601 • Beaver County – Attorney 600 N Beaver, UT 84713 • Watts James Attorney 774 E 2100 S Salt Lake City, UT 84106 • Cummings Craig S Attorney 240 S 200 W, Ste 100 Farmington, UT 84025 • Douglas D Adair Attorney at Law 80 N Main St Bountiful, UT 84010 • Arnold- R. Clark Attorney 425 S 400 E Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • County Attorney 8000 W Duchesne, UT 84021 • Burton Rulon T & Associates 6000 South Fashion Boulevard Draper, UT 84020 • Stewart Jon K Attorney 50 W Broadway, #100 Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Williams Scott E 3325 N University Ave Provo, UT 84604 • Reber Fay E Attorney 260 W Saint George Blvd St George, UT 84770 • Law Offices of Kendall C FARR 4400 Butternut Rd Salt Lake City, UT 84124 • Hugie Amy Forsgren Attorney 33 S Main St Brigham City, UT 84302 • Malmberg Jan Attorney 245 N Vine St Salt Lake City, UT 84103 • Henry Sara A Sahv PC 1400 Snow Creek Dr Park City, UT 84060 • Law Office of Lewis P Adams 495 E 4500 S, #102 Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Peck Elizabeth M Attorney 350 S 400 E Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Lallatin Gerald J ESQ 226 W 2230 N, #100 Provo, UT 84604 • Rodriguez Baltazar Dorany Attorney 8541 Redwood Rd West Jordan, UT 84088 • Blakesley James R Attorney 2595 E 3300 S Salt Lake City, UT 84109 • Martinez Michael N Attorney 4479 Gordon Ln Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Malouf Law Offices LC 150 E 200 N Logan, UT 84321 • Coggins Deven J Attorney 5684 Green St Salt Lake City, UT 84123 • Russell Y. Minas Attorney At Law- P.C. 1945 S 1100 E, #200 Salt Lake City, UT 84106 • Halls Craig C Attorney 333 S Main St Blanding, UT 84511 • Brown Jeffrey B Attorney 4685 Highland Dr, #175 Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • Professional Corporate Compliance Inc 147 Election Rd Draper, UT 84020 • Metro National Title 345 E Broadway Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Tucker Robert M Attorney 1326 E 900 S Salt Lake City, UT 84105 • Stout Michael Attorney 9 Exchange Pl, #800 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Chamberlain Associates 225 N 100 E Richfield, UT 84701 • Stith L James Attorney 2029 Sidewinder Dr Park City, UT 84060 • McClellan- Clark A. Attorney 363 E Main St, #201 Vernal, UT 84078 • Quinn Kofford PC Attorneys 481 W 50 N American Fork, UT 84003 • Rammell Jason R Attorney 3600 S Market St Salt Lake City, UT 84119 • Essig Fred D Attorney 2240 N 1600 E Logan, UT 84341 • Lauritzen A W Attorney 610 N Main St Logan, UT 84321 • Dart Adamson & Donovan 310 S Main St Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • National Sentry Corporation 260 W Saint George Blvd, Ste 201 St George, UT 84770 • Florence Brian R Attorney 5486 Skyline Dr Ogden, UT 84403 • Sundwall Michael G Attorney 533 W 2600 S, #125 Bountiful, UT 84010 • Morris Bill Attorney 3293 Harrison Blvd Ogden, UT 84403 • Marsden- McKay Attorney 8 E Broadway, #414 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Robinson Bryan Attorney 4970 South 900 East Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • Lee Wallace A Attorney 55 N Main St Panguitch, UT 84759 • Stephens Jeffrey R Attorney 2964 W 4700 S Salt Lake City, UT 84118 • Sampson John P Attorney 2650 Washington Blvd Ogden, UT 84401 • Snow J Matthew Attorney 299 S Main St Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Bradley Richard H Attorney 4525 Wasatch Blvd Salt Lake City, UT 84124 • Cook Tom Attorney 3269 S Main St Salt Lake City, UT 84115 • Gregory Skabelund 2176 N Main St Logan, UT 84341 • Law Office of Steven Baeder 333 E 400 S, #204 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Thornley Richard H Attorney 2610 Washington Blvd Ogden, UT 84401 • The Bankruptcy Center 145 W Gentile St Layton, UT 84041 • Howell Armand J 648 E 100 S Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Johnson Eric Kent PC Attorney 2666 S 2000 E Salt Lake City, UT 84109 • J Garry McAllister 14254 S 6400 W Riverton, UT 84096 • Aaronson Grand 808 E 1910 S Provo, UT 84606 • Marshall Jan Law Office of Derek Coulter 11576 S State St, #503 Draper, UT 84020 • Williams H Mifflin Attorney 500 S Main St, #68 Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Monson- Sean A. Attorney 10 Exchange Pl Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Vancampen Chris Law Office 189 S State St, Ste 200 Clearfield, UT 84015 • Durbano Properties 476 Heritage Park Blvd Layton, UT 84041 • Coombs John Michale Attorney 3098 Highland Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84106 • Paulsen Erik C & Associates 9425 Union Sq Sandy, UT 84070 • German & Associates Mba Attorney 246 N Orem Blvd Orem, UT 84057 • Pendleton Gary W Attorney at Law 301 E Tabernacle St, Ste 200 St George, UT 84770 • Phippen David P 55 N Main St, #301 Logan, UT 84321 • LaMar J Winward 150 N 200 E #204 Kanab, UT 84770 • Smedley- James J Attorney 30 N Main St Heber City, UT 84032 • Ashton Paul H ESQ 175 S Main St Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Miller Christina Attorney Park Ave Park City, UT 84060 • Allan & Easton LLC 1892 N 1120 W Provo, UT 84604 • Aaronson Grand 2708 S Redwood Rd, #200 West Valley City, UT 84119 • Olsen John K Attorney 120 W Main St Midway, UT 84049 • Neeleman- Jennifer L. Attorney 9 Exchange Pl, Ste 417 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Davis Doug Attorney 333 S 520 W Lindon, UT 84042 • Findlay- Delano S Attorney at Law 684 E Vine St Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Gold Brent Attorney 2064 Prospector Ave Park City, UT 84060 • Jensen Michael MBA 136 S Main St, #300 Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Dorius- Dale M Attorney 201 S Main St Gunnison, UT 84634 • C Michael Lawrence P C 5681 S Redwood Rd, #23 Salt Lake City, UT 84123 • Colton Sylvia ESQ 1206 W South Jordan Pky South Jordan, UT 84095 • Hare Ronald Attorney 765 S Highway 99 Fillmore, UT 84631 • Essig- Lester K. Attorney 36 N State St, #1400 Salt Lake City, UT 84103 • Utzinger Todd Attorney at Law 144 N 100 W Bountiful, UT 84010 • Eliason- Eldon A Attorney 187 N Center St Delta, UT 84624 • Barker Ronald C Attorney 2870 S State St Salt Lake City, UT 84115 • Palmer- Mark D. Attorney 976 W 1700 S Clearfield, UT 84015 • Isbell Law Office 2202 N Main St Cedar City, UT 84721 • Matthew T Graff & Associates 1160 W 250 N Kanab, UT 84770 • Greene Brian Attorney at Law 875 S Orem Blvd Orem, UT 84058 • Anderton Kenneth G Attorney 110 E 100 S Vernal, UT 84078 • Anna W. Drake- P.C. 215 S State St, #500 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Christensen Steven A Attorney 3381 Star Fire Rd South Jordan, UT 84095 • Hafen Kendrick J Attorney 2766 Red Mountain Dr Santa Clara, UT 84765 • Trotter- Donna M. Attorney P.O. Box 340 Vernal, UT 84078 • Howell Reese S Attorney 376 E 400 S, #304 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Jensen Justin Attorney 14111 Senior Band Rd Draper, UT 84020 • Frischknecht- Paul Attorney 40 N Main St Manti, UT 84642 • Duzan- James R. Attorney 230 S 500 E, #300 Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Falk- Jennifer L. Attorney 105 S 1100 E, #2257 Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Dahl Everett E Attorney 49 W Center St Midvale, UT 84047 • Schwegman Lundberg 4625 Sycamore Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • Weeks E Nordell Attorney 19 E 200 S, Ste 1000 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Jackson Leray G Attorney 259 N Highway 6 Delta, UT 84624 • Chuntz Howard Attorney 1149 W Center St Orem, UT 84057 • Harrington Richard R Attorney 2696 N University Ave, #200 Provo, UT 84604 • Kessler Law Office 9117 W 2700 S Magna, UT 84044 • Noland Jeffery J Attorney 859 E 900 S Salt Lake City, UT 84105 • Bankruptcy by Tina Lefgren 290 25th St, #102 Ogden, UT 84401 • Wangsgard Scott R Attorney 57 W 200 S, Ste 400 Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Wilson & Wilson 5620 Highland Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84121 • Whatcott Kevin D Attorney 1846 S 300 W Salt Lake City, UT 84115 • Sessions Todd Attorney 2485 Grant Ave Ogden, UT 84401 • Russell Steve Attorney Grand County Law & Justice CNTR 729 Bartlett Cir Moab, UT 84532 • Williams Scott C LLC 43 E 400 S Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Dawson Bruce L Attorney 3755 Washington Blvd Ogden, UT 84403 • Richard Allen Attorney 2975 Executive Pky, Ste 200 Lehi, UT 84043 • Hale Barbara P Attorney 1063 E South Union Ave Midvale, UT 84047 • Rice John K Attorney 51 E 7800 S Midvale, UT 84047 • Schmidt Gregory J Attorney 2046 Murray Holladay Rd Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • Molgard Jack H Attorney 102 S 100 W Brigham City, UT 84302 • Johansen Conrad H Attorney 45 W Sego Lily Dr Sandy, UT 84070 • McPhail Ross E Attorney 70 N Main St Bountiful, UT 84010 • Tanner Mark H Attorney 655 S Main St Orangeville, UT 84537 • Romney Lisa G Attorney 2118 E 3900 S Salt Lake City, UT 84124 • PRM Investment CO 4547 S 700 E Salt Lake City, UT 84107 • Poulton & Yordan Attorneys 324 S 400 W Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Cummings Michael D Attorney 225 S 200 E Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Quintana & York 3341 S 700 E Salt Lake City, UT 84106 • Mangrum Dennis Attorney 7110 Highland Dr Salt Lake City, UT 84121 • Hatch- Cleve Attorney at Law 155 E Lagoon St Roosevelt, UT 84066 • Sampinos Nick J Attorney 190 N Carbon Ave Price, UT 84501 • White- Joane Pappas Attorney at Law 6 W Main St Price, UT 84501 • Farnsworth Briant J Attorney 5383 S 900 E Murray, UT 84117 • Olson & Hoggan PC Attorneys at Law 123 E Main St Tremonton, UT 84337 • Smedley J Mark Attorney 30 N Main St, #5 Heber City, UT 84032 • Ayala C Theodore Attorney 205 W 700 S Salt Lake City, UT 84101 • Brindley Sullivan 249 E Tabernacle St, #102 St George, UT 84770 • Starley Sandra V Attorney 76 S Main St, Ste 19 Moab, UT 84532 • Crook- D. Scott Attorney 215 S State St, #650 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Celeste C Canning PLLC 2590 Washington Blvd, #200 Ogden, UT 84401 • McCullough Lee S P C III 5255 Edgewood Dr Provo, UT 84604 • Halls- Craig C Attorney 159 W 700 N Blanding, UT 84511 • Dawson Bruce L Attorney at Law 340 E 400 S Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Neeleman Jennifer L Attorney 192 E 200 N, Ste 202 St George, UT 84770 • Snow-Sorensen Marla R Attorney 765 N Main St Spanish Fork, UT 84660 • Edwards Duke Attorney 4625 S 2300 E, #206 Salt Lake City, UT 84117 • Graham Jan Law Offices 150 S 600 E, #5a Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Henderson Law Offices 40 W Cache Valley Blvd, Ste 4C Logan, UT 84341 • Branch Tom D Attorney 1350 Draper Pky Draper, UT 84020 • Kennicott Jim Attorney 136 Heber Ave Park City, UT 84060 • Whiteley Brenda S Attorney 32 E 100 S Kanab, UT 84770 • Nielson Parker M Attorney 655 S 200 E Salt Lake City, UT 84111 • Hatch- Kendall P Attorney 230 S 500 E Salt Lake City, UT 84102 • Nalder Robin Kent Attorney at Law 1835 W 1950 S Ogden, UT 84401 • Mulliner John G Attorney 363 N University Ave, Ste 103 Provo, UT 84601 • Coleman- Jared G. 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Ascent Law St. George Utah Office

Ascent Law Ogden Utah Office

from Michael Anderson https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/84097-attorneys/ from Divorce Lawyer Nelson Farms Utah https://divorcelawyernelsonfarmsutah.tumblr.com/post/626210255033040896

[lesbian-books]

Lesbian Authors

A.J. Adaire  Pat Adams-Wright  Dorothy Allison  S.W. Anderson  Elizabeth Andre  Mavis Applewater  Ann Aptaker  J.A. Armstrong  Michelle Arnold  Clare Ashton  K. Aten  Victoria Avilan  Darla Baker  Roslyn Bane  Ann Bannon  Solia Panche Bealti  Alison Bechdel  Georgia Beers  Sharon Marie Bence  Bridget Birdsall  Harper Bliss  Andrea Bramhall  Jaye Robin Brown  Anna Burke  Amalie Cantor  Brandee Carbo  Suzie Carr  Dawn Carter  C.L. Cattano  Becky Chambers  Kate Charlton  Sharon Cho  Barbara L. Clanton  Hannah Abigail Clarke  Shelby Cochran  Helen Corcoran  Jeanne Córdova  Audrey Coulthurst  Delores Cremm  Maggie Dane  Emily M. Danforth  Sandra de Helen  Barbara Dennis  Nicole Dennis-Benn Stefani Deoul  K.E. DePalmenary  T.L. Dickerson  Jennifer Diemer  Sarah Diemer * Jane DiLucchio  J.M. Dragon  Moondancer Drake  K.B. Draper  Cassandra Duffy  A.L. Duncan  Nann Dunne  Sarah Ettritch  Lillian Faderman  Sara Farizan  Leslie Feinberg  Anna Ferrara  Fannie Flagg  Jane Fletcher  Laura Foley  Katherine V. Forrest  Diane Fortier  Giselle Fox  Anna Furtado  Elisa M. Galbreath  Lynn Galli  S.L. Gape  Nancy Garden  Lyn Gardner  S. Anne Gardner  Pauline George  Ana B. Good  Parker Gordon  Erin Gough  Kimberly Cooper Griffin  Nicola Griffith  Agnes H. Hagadus  Anne Hagan  Radclyffe Hall  S.M. Harding  Ellen Hart  Nancy Ann Healy  Fran Heckrotte  Natasja Hellenthal  Dotti Henderson  Claire Highton-Stevenson  Gerri Hill  E.M. Hodge  Dayna Ingram  Isabella  Jae  Adiba Jaigirdar  Jo Jennings  Heather Rose Jones  E.A. Kafkalas  Karin Kallmaker  Riley LaShea  Stacey-Leanne  Lez Lee  Malinda Lo  Ann-Marie MacDonald  Renee MacKenzie  Prudence MacLeod  Lise MacTague  Lucy J. Madison  Rachel Maldonado  Siera Maley  Laurie J. Marks  Julie Maroh  Michelle Marra  Paula Martinac  Arkady Martine  Q.C. Masters  Andi Marquette  Pamela Mauldin  Robbi McCoy  M.K. McGowan  Gill McKnight  Ann McMan  Heather McVea  Mary Meriam  Ronni Meyrick  Martha Miller  Rogena Mitchell-Jones  K.A. Moll  Sallyanne Monti  Annette Mori  Bonnie J. Morris  Jaycie Morrison  Niamh Murphy  Charlene Neil  Natasha Ngan  Nik Nicholson  Baren Nix  Ocean  Paula Offutt Chinelo Okparanta  Chris Parsons  Angela Peach  Julie Anne Peters  B.J. Phillips  Ashley Quinn  Radclyffe  Cheryl Rainfield  Adan Ramie  Nina Revoyr  Rhavensfyre  Julia Diana Robertson  Nita Round  Morgan Routh  Joanna Russ  Laurie Salzler  Shamim Sarif  Lacey Schmidt  Sarah Schulman  Tina Sears  Cass Sellars  Merry Shannon  Fiona Shaw ** Kaden Shay  Djuna Shellam  Jen Silver  Jennis Slaughter  Adrian J. Smith  E.H. Smith  Vanessa Snyder  Alison R. Solomon  Raven J. Spencer  Ali Spooner  Rose Stone  Carren Strock  Rebecca Sullivan  Leandra Summers  Mariko Tamaki  Michelle L. Teichman  Keira Michelle Telford  Rae Theodore  M.E. Tudor  Vanda  Elle Vaughn  Missouri Vaun  Anastasia Vitsky  Tillie Walden  Sarah Waters  HollyAnne Weaver  Laney Webber  Louise Welsh  Caren J. Werlinger  K.D. Williamson  B.L. Wilson  Catherine M. Wilson  Barbara Winkes  Lee Winter  Jeanette Winterson  Chris Anne Wolfe  T.J. Wolfe  Jacqueline Woodson  Fiona Zedde  Kristen Zimmer 

* Also writes under the pen names Elora Bishop and Bridget Essex

** Not to be confused with the Irish actress of the same name

This list is subject to changes. Compiling a list of lesbian authors is a challenge because not all authors are out and my sources of information are limited. I had to rely on finding author bios, interviews, tweets, etc. in which an author mentions her sexual orientation. I also got many of these names from the Lesbian Authors Guild. 

[estradioltone]

Why’s my stomach hurting? Why am I feeling so lonely when I have so many messages to answer? I CANNOT have another favorite person. Does that mean I’m doomed to high school loneliness?

When I was fifteen lots of people liked me AND I didn’t have a favorite person. Sean? Sam? Danica S? I’m trying to remember. Alex? Stephanie? What show did we do that year? It was Charlie Brown. Mattress, Charlie Brown, Trial by Jury, Sound of Music, and Alice. Shauna? Alex? Danni? Jonathan? Jordan? Danica made those CDs for me. Gabi? Ellery? Irene? Keziah? There were so many people. And none was the favorite. Kaz? Therone? Felicia? Deja? Corri? Jae? Cassie? Leslie? Laureen? Katy? There were so many people around me and I wasn’t the favorite and no one was my favorite. I wasn’t even talking to Amanda at that point. And I did like her. There were a number of people I was attracted to, and, I didn’t make any moves, bc I didn’t get close enough to them in terms of conversations. I needed that first. Like to be comfortable? Lauren? Was she in focus? I can’t remember much if anything about her now, and I was so into her then. Kari?

I used to change with Kari.

Oliver and his male friends used to change in front of each other.

Kari was so great. We were always friends only. I don’t think either of us ever had feelings for the other. She was such an amazing friend. Caitlin? Anna or Sarah? Sarah F? Janell? This is the first time I’ve dug into the memories of those earlier high school years. It literally feels like a backhoe digging into dirt and clearing it away. Archeologist excavating.

I remember sitting in 204 watching some movie in the dark. Mrs. H was teaching. I don’t have memories. Of what we learned. I never learned in English. I never knew what the fuck was going on I just always got A’s. I wrote that paper about having a peanut allergy. It has terrible racist stereotypes. No one called me out. No teacher. I was fifteen. Today I would e known better. Unless I was a republican. Like I was then. I was very conservative. How was I conservative? It didn’t fit with any part of how I acted. Danielle? Remember that film I made that was literally just everyone swearing. Spencer? I remember so many things. Why did I write that.

I don’t want to remember many things.

Why not? That’s so fucking weird. There are many things I don’t want to remember? Where did that thought come from?

I don’t want to remember bc it hurts too much to remember? That thought just came to me.

I wasn’t hurting during that year. I wasn’t depressed. It was like that time with M in sophomore college. Wow. In that moment sophomore looked like high school sophomore to me. It felt like being in Maine. It felt like mid August two summers ago. It’s summer. It’s June. Two summers ago he sucked my sick for the first time and I couldn’t even get hard. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I forced myself to keep going bc I wanted it. That was my fuck up moment. He kissed me that night. It was like Amanda asking to marry me what the fuck to DATE me. How did that happen? It’s in retrospect I wish I’d said no

The hurt is that if I remember I’ll double remember how

The blue waffle thermal

I remember the car and snow pants but not skiing. I remember kissing and my precut glowing like a river. I got wet like a girl. I got hard like a boy. I don’t know what’s normal.

I remember the night she came to see me at the Estonian concert. “Let’s go over here. Lots of girls like me here.” She later told me that freaked her out not freaked out it was like “ullll” what are the words that describe what that means it’s like a little oh no and yikes at the same time. It’s like when O asked me what my main interest in the relationship was and I said sex. And he had the same reaction. And I said, how could I have ever said something like that. It’s callous. And, it was honest. And then I got attached. Before I was having fun. I was happy.

And when I’m happy and having fun I behave like a disgusting jock boy. Maybe that’s who I essentially am. Maybe I’m choosing to be trans so I can become a different person. I do want to become a different person. Even then I thought back like what the fuck was I doing. Like when I touched G and C’s breasts. And I wasn’t allowed to go to cast parties. I didn’t get to do wild things. Would I have?

I was so many different people. I’m also the person at Sam’s house who was afraid to be there.

Remember Caitlins white dreads. Remember when Safi first came to school or Kylie. Remember how cool and superior you felt. Remember how everyone was lesser in your eyes. Sophie. Edna. Kendra. Nikki. That girl molly sitting on my lap and I was hard as fuck. I didn’t think of that in so long. Was that ninth grade? Or eighth?

We were at Burgerville.

I was just doing whatever I wanted.

Is that who I am in a state of nature?

And, I’m the person who stayed in my room instead of going out for a birthday party.

What was Menucha like that year

I didn’t have many years with older friends after that.

Remember Laura. You were twelve and she was seventeen. But you never really talked after the show ended. Would she hug me? Did she hug me in sixth grade? Was I happy at the end of sixth grade???? I think she hugged me by the 201 door. I can remember it now.

I drew that picture of her.

I said “your eyes aren’t quite even.” Wow that must have hurt her and I could see it in her face.

I did whatever I wanted. I thought I was cool I was trying to be cool at all times.

That was my first summer in Eugene. Jessica Zach Ted. Dr. A. Joe. Nicholas. Brahms. Komm Jesu Komm. Standing on the steps in that rehearsal room. My feet sweaty and stinky as fuck. Black like sweat things coming off my toes. My roommate was Nick.

That moment in the hallway taking down my pants. “Should we go all the way?”

Jessica wanted to be closer than I did. I fall back on ppl when I’m lonely but don’t want closeness when I’m not. I use people. I do what O did to me. He didn’t really love me? Or did he?

I’m single now but I’m not having fun but I need to give it more time and I am being more wild. I started to get wild sophomore year. Sarah G. I thought things had changed. But I didn’t want them to change bc I wanted to be unhappy there??????????????

You’re really cool for a freshman. Others wouldn’t do that.

Well I’m basically a senior bc I’ve already been at my school four years.

High school was my college time in a way. It was my amazing time and I was studying and creating big projects. College was my high school time hating things and not self actualizing and not being myself.

Did I do it on purpose???????????? Is that kind of thing possible???????? I know I’ve thought that before. Can I be faking this all? This little voice says yes. What the fuck. I have to be honest about that little voice. I have to bring it up.

She isn’t going to set the agenda. If I want to keep going on the same subject, I have to push onwards into it. What memories are there to open up there? God this is going to take so long and I want to do other things and I know I want to have done this work of digging through elementary school and things.

Honor choir I was the only freshman and I sang alone and they all clapped and cheered for me. I pooped and made the room stink and I was too embarrassed to say. I didn’t have anyone to sit with. I couldn’t sit with people who seemed cool to me. The directors were like gods. The guys were from Montana. I was wearing my first set of boxer briefs. They said I wasn’t like a normal freshman. The performance meant almost nothing. I was sick to my stomach going. I was sick to my stomach going to Eugene. I was sick to my stomach for years before undergrad. J. K. was too. She told me that later on. We read that same book.

I wanted to prove myself. That other guy was shaving and we were all sharing the bathroom. He was shaving. I took my underwear off before getting in the shower. I wanted to show myself I could. I wanted to expose myself.

Why am I so obsessed with the idea of having been molested or raped now and not earlier in my life? How could that be possible? How could I not have remembered it sooner? Or thought of it? Not in undergrad at all. I must be making up that fear. I make up my whole life. All of life is imagined and made up and fake and shit. All of life is imagined period. How am I tired again and yawning. I was always yawning with the computer on my lap. They said the computer heat makes you infertile. Did I lose my chance of having a bigger dick bc I sat a computer on my lap? I loved having a laptop. And, I never looked at porn porn. I was so abnormal. Everyone else did.

Talking with Jacob about penis size. I didn’t think about size mattering. That Hannah who later must’ve fucked Matt P. He came down with shorts so short his dick was hanging out. It was so exciting to me, and horrifying, bc I liked her. I liked so many people. I like so many people simultaneously. I jump around. I can’t find my place. Maybe I don’t have a place. Singing was my place.

I really liked Cole. How much older is he than me? Less older than I am compared to O. I think. He went to India and then he came back and did what. Was he only 24 or 25? We all thought it was fucked up that he dated Eric L and he was a senior and Eric was a freshman. He came out later. I’m so fucked. W moved on to a whole different kind of life where she has adult friends with children and she and F will probably have a kid sooner than later. She already got pregnant once.

J and M (C) are growing up a lot. I see everyone else changing so much. I’m objectively changing with HRT and whatnot. And therapy. And I don’t feel like I’m changing. When change is slow you don’t feel it. Which of these people is really me? My developmental stages are so mixed up. As a kid I fit better with adults. Even my parents say that. Now I really like nineteen year olds and twenty year olds. And, I just saw H and M tonight and there was a big gap between me and H but I was quite into M. I wanted to look at their breasts and forced myself not to. I wonder if both of them noticed and they talked about it later. I wonder how much people notice the things I try to hide. Am I good at it? Am I better than I think? Which me is really me?

I want my breasts to stay small. So I don’t get judged. I’m very worried about being judged. I’m not a women and I don’t like being called a woman. I felt like a man and no longer a boy if that makes sense. But I can be called a girl. I’m getting very agitated thinking that I’m faking being trans. We all change our gender identities bc it’s the thing to do. Conservatives are right. We should be conservatives. The conservative position is easier to defend. They never have to prove themselves. Their beliefs are the old ones. Why should we change. Life is fine. My mom doesn’t want things to change. Or I’m projecting on her. I tho m I’m better than others and I project my bad things onto them so I don’t deal with them. Is that why I feel so free?

How fucked up am I. I wrote that paper about L dying in sophomore year. I’m more introspective and controlled when I’m in a relationship. With A and W and O. Not D. I had to lie about her attractiveness. But I loved her mind. Or I loved her being there for me when I needed someone.

S isn’t comfortable with me. We went to the beach tgt with her brother. I felt she brought her brother so we would t be alone tgt. She probably knows I have feelings for her. And have for over ten years. She’s honestly so pretty. She never replies when I message her on ig. She’s had so much sex and partied so much. Idk if her hair really came back after her eating disorder. She’s a professor. A real one. Not like fake ass me. I live at home. I’m Jim the gentleman caller. I just want to relive my moment of being cool. She wasn’t cool in high school. And, she had a group. And, she’s secure in herself now. Is she? I don’t know her. She doesn’t engage with me probably bc she knows I have feelings for her. If she had feelings for me she wouldn’t react in that way. She would want to talk to me. Or she’s holding me back bc I’m a nightmare pos.

My dads bloody eyeballs. Bloody eyeball in New York.

I had introspection awake at night on my computer. Maybe if I slept more I’d have a bigger dick. They called me pancake. I’m sad that W’s life is complete without me. As I thought earlier me like O so much must make her feel the same way. S watches all my stories but never messages me. She keeps her distance on purpose and has for years. I need to stop reacting to her posts and messaging her ever. She never ever ever reacts to me. I talked to her about O. That was one of our only conversations. In the past year I mean.

I have so much left to say I have to pee I always tried to hold my excretia in.

I used to put stuff in my butt. They took me to the doctor for it I think. And in my ear. Or was that S. I know I fingered myself when I was quite young. I’ve been obsessed with pooping since forever. Obsessed. Butts. Anal phase development. Freud. We both stuck stuff inside ourselves I think. Or was it only him that stick stuff inside his butt. I can’t remember for sure. I thought it was me.

My blue basketball tracksuit. Orange basketball. So excited. Getting up early and getting fully dressed by myself. So excited. Running to my parents. It was so early. They told me to go back to sleep. They were sleeping. I couldn’t sleep. I read something. It was so boring.

Everyone was asleep at the R house. I woke up early and first and I was so bored. I went to play that football video game. My mom got mad at me for playing that game too much. Did she get mad that morning? Tf was I supposed to do????? I was bored. Why did I get disciplined for such stupid shit. That’s a reason I didn’t respect my parents. This shouldn’t be a rule. Same as eating in the living room whole watching tv.

2:30 tomorrow.

Hold on hold onnnnnnnn the bathroom at OLL.

I make up narratives of being emotionally hurt.

So many fucking thoughts!!!!!!!!

Im making up a catholic school molestation story. Or am I.

That bathroom. That bathroom. Urinals without dividers. The tall skinny ones. Just like in the bathroom but 220. 220. Second floor, room 20. Playing football with Dominick and Kyle and one other boy. Kyle is dead now. Kyle C. Kathryn was friends with him. She posted about him. Angie. Leah senior year.

Your profile picture is you with another girl.

I changed it.

How excellent. Walking with Jessica on 4th of July. Dr. A gave a speech. We stepped forward for How excellent. Why was I involved? I don’t know. I wanted to be. They taught me the song. I sang alto I think. My voice was free. Did anything hurt? I don’t remember it did. I didn’t need Ricola. Or did I. My voice got sore junior year. Not sophomore year. I could sing big. I should’ve always gotten to sing big.

I’m going into a tunnel with my practicing. I need to work on something different.

I’m squeezing my neck like crazy.

The church at OLL.

SW from church really really wants me involved in her prayer organization. I am not a believer. It’s BS. That speaker was so BS.

I need to text W.

The church has blue carpet. “Jesus died on the cross, you can stand for twenty minutes.” My legs hurt so much. I remember lighting candles but that happened in California, not here. When Aunt K got remarried. I found out much later her husband drank himself to death. They got divorced before that happened. He would drink rubbing alcohol. Steven went too fast lighting the candles. I was so mad. Don’t you know what you’re doing. But I had to stay in character. My dad has to go up and relight them. I was humiliated. I danced with Baby Anna. She didn’t recognize me after that. She was so cute. I was 10? She was probably three or four. I was so disappointed when she didn’t know me after that. We swam in our shorts. I got such a bad sunburn. My skin was peeling at the Aunt P ranch. We were reading H P. I’m still scarred from that sunburn. Left shoulder. The soda thing. They had their own automatic soda. That was so cool. Everyone else lived in the real world. Not us. We lived in church world where I wore clothes I hated. And we took family photos I hated.

I’m just born evil nothing happened to me I’ve just always been evil and bad.

I looked in the mirror in the same bathroom mirror the same bathroom mirror where I shaved my unibrow when I was mocked I still do or was I even mocked I was just afraid of being mocked why do I have a unibrow why am I the weird one how can anyone love me when I’m so weird

But it’s not the same mirror bc that ugly cupboard got replaced and the door was so broken and I shared it with S and A. Sharing is such a nightmare. This house is pretty small for three kids and two adults it was at capacity. I wonder if that’s why we fought so much.

I didn’t work on the book today again.

The book.

Not my book.

Not even his book.

The book.

Where’s the ownership dumdum dumbass

But even if it’s not the same mirror it’s the same thought. I looked in the mirror and I believe I even said out loud just now

Crazy that I don’t remember

But if I said it out loud my parents would’ve heard

Why don’t I want my parents to know anything

Did they know when Z said he would kill me if he could or he stole all my friends

I was talking about how Lindsay Lohan was naked in parent trap. She must not have known I said. That excited me so much. Being naked. She was naked. It’s bad but it turns me on so much. It’s not appropriate but I’m so into it.

Even T said my obsession with sex is abnormal. But she agreed with me saying that. Maybe she was just pushing me to do more thinking. Idk if others are telling the truth for sure. My moral compass is off. I always want or need an external standard. This is right. This is wrong. I’m bad. I’m a sinner. If I just be myself I do terrible things. I say I’m just in it for the sex. I say all these girls here like me.

He said what did we used to listen to? Jonsi?

Adele too I said

It’s so fucking weird that we message at all.

It’s weird FOR ME that we message

God I’m so far off topic

Did he really forget what we listened to? Are our moments tgt not seared into his brain like laser and fire? I remember everything. I remember his letter. I remember meeting him by the chapel. I remember sitting on the bench outside the music department and we sat for so long and I was thinking this is weird I should leave but he just kept talking and then it was bc he liked me. I’m sure I still have that first letter in my box of heartbreak which is actually an oversized envelope. I remember seeing him from down the hall and feeling so happy. Am. I really gay? And that happiness was real. And maybe I was his gf and that’s why it didn’t feel gay

If I was abused how come I can have sex without being triggered

After a lifetime of being obsessed with sex how come it doesn’t feel good

I never lose myself in it

It just doesn’t feel that good. Masturbating feels better. Did I not have the right partner

I see little me in a dress

Instead I was in stupid fucking clothes I hated

I wore white socks at St. Luke’s with black pants. My mom told me dont. I didn’t want to listen. Then she was right. She was self satisfied afterwards. “yyyyyyyyyyEP.” Why tf were we even at St. Luke’s. S and A lived behind St. Luke’s. They were so cool. BC was there. I talked about having written an opera. He must’ve been like wtf. I saw him at undergrad at a concert. M said to me who was that guy you were talking to and said he was sexy or something. He was. I wasn’t into him though.

Oh my fucking god I’m so off topic AND I want to get this whole thought out.

S and A were so cool. I can talk to A bc I don’t have sexual interest in him. It was a long time before I knew he was trans. I was trying to put so much stuff together. They were both so fucking cool. S isn’t that cool now to me. And it’s hard for me to talk to her calmly. She had meds. I’m sure she has problems like I have. Maybe that’s why our relationship became weird. Weirdly close but not close and I was always yearning for more like I did with B. But I knew I couldn’t !!!!! That was so fucked up. My legs twitched. I wanted to be her.

Hating boy dress clothes. I always have.

Wanting to be an older woman.

But I’m totally cis.

What am I

I looked in the mirror now like I always did in high school and said I think out loud WHO ARE YOU in an emphatic tone of voice. My face and voice were serious. My eyes were wide. My mouth was set. WHO ARE YOU didn’t mean what’s wrong with you in this case.

Katy is commenting to me again it’s the most interaction we’ve had in years why am I not giving more energy back why am I being aloof maybe bc she out distance there and I’m trying to keep myself safe or I’m hurt or I’m just consumed with other things or I just don’t feel close to her. Her not talking to me hurt a lot. Stop distracting from topic!!!!!!!!!!! T hurt a lot. Then T sent that heart emoji to my post today after “stay well”

Alright

Idk what that means and W sees it so simply and straightforward and I just don’t.

That’s not who she was

I’m obsessed with WAS

WHO ARE YOU meant which of these many different versions of yourself that you experience and present is the real one? How can there be so many?????

I did outpatient at the hospital near sams house and Sam dated Irene and Irene announced her engagement today and both of Irenes parents are dead and we haven’t spoken in decades but were still connected online.

I wish I was walking in snow like when I was hurting over D and I walked so far and my mom called me like what the fuck you’re going to get attacked and I said I used to walk the streets of New York much later than this

Sam dated K and he was never the same after that. I was there with Gabi and Kari and we made deep fried lovin and it was amazing and we loved it and Sam and I could never recapture that although we tried a few times. He always said “what do you want to do” and I didn’t know and neither of us had an idea. I went to so many weird ass coffee meets and hangouts in those first few years after high school. A had a pool party or something. When was the slip n slide party. We had all those AGT parties and tried to recreate or simply create the social life and friends over we should’ve had in high school and I believe my mom was extremely happy bc that’s what she had always wanted, to be the party house, like all the kids coming to play at her house when she was a kid. But how could anyone like coming here with the way she acted. We actually were a party house in elementary school. There’s that day when we all played in the rain and I was wearing red sweatpants. There’s the picture where I wanted the attention and I stood in front of the whole group sideways catching snowflakes on my tongue. We played smear the queer in the frosty grass. The athletic boys were the coolest. K’s older brother Dylan was called superstar on the soccer field. We played so many games at OLL. Do you remember tether ball. Words look weird rn what are letters even. Wall ball and black magic and double black magic and triple black magic and quadruple black magic and four square and kickball and soccer and basketball god we were so competitive it was amazing and so fun

Kickball on the asphalt we always had scraped knees who approved that who let us play like that. Brandon fell and left his teeth in the asphalt or at least that was my image of it. Zero the Hero. One hundreds day. Turbo math. Writing books. Everyone else knew things I didn’t. Star Wars. Everyone knew things I didn’t.

We couldn’t be the party house in middle school. She wasn’t safe. I wanted to die. I deserved to die bc I was so disobedient.

Who was I? The no friends middle school. Won’t let myself poop disgusting fart everyone smelled it too scared to pee off the stairs I had to get approval to go to the outhouse too scared to spray the wasp nest taking down the pole and failing and smashing my hand and it had that big scab and I washed it with hand sanitizer bf that was all I had and maybe that’s what caused my blood clot but it happened so many weeks later how did it happen so much later. I was so into J in college junior year and then she told me the story about fucking that other guy when they were drunk. She even Skyped me. She loved that one guy and then he picked someone else and it ruined everything and I was always starving and eating my cereal too fast but I didn’t want to spend money buying more I only went to Cub like once we rode the bus and took so many pictures and I looked so happy in that moment. And R was there. Before he assaulted me. I didn’t want to touch his dick the memory of touching his dick is literally making me shake rn I need to stop it was so hard and small he was everywhere on campus he did whatever he wanted he was loud everyone loved him stop thinking about him!!!!!!!!!!!

My neck and arms are so tense rn what is wrong with me why did I have so many social problems putting my backpack in those cubbies when we went to eat I was so scared it would be stolen I took it with me I was the only one it was so stupid I was such an envarrassing person I’ve been so controlled in my life by embarrassment only the Asian kids ran they didn’t care what anyone thought of them we laughed at them that was so typical mocking any difference. I read the books of school history trying to understand the values and I finally did I didn’t fit in!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I have R and E and C.

The protests are dying down. We’re at the limit of change. It’ll take another death to rile this back up. That’s disgusting but I think it’s true. Things were done in Portland at about 9:30.

I feel sick. I feel legitimately sick.

I feel so sick and my ears are ringing great!!!!!!!!!!! And I saw T and her boyfriend and thought about how I want sex and I’m not fuckable. Which maybe I am. Maybe that’s my essential self. Unfuckable and insecure and anxious and scared of being different and scared of being judged and bc of this always already different and trying to be different so I stand out as a star but not wanting to stand out at the same time. Do I even like singing or like music or do I just want to be famous. I have been so confident that I would be famous. I’m so confident in my ideas. I’m so smart. No one can be more right than me. My co fife to self is despicable.

Maybe I loved being fifteen and being with M and being at A M F and two summers ago with O bc I wasn’t this disgusting insecure person but everyone liked me. I’ve been thinking that that person is my essential self. But maybe the whole thing is that thats NOT ME AT ALL. I’m not meant to be a star or be anyone I’m meant to be a worm and disappear and be nowhere and that’s why I do t have groups and that’s why no one liked me at undergrad and at the same time didn’t I keep myself out of groups on purpose so I would keep honoring high school? Like we keep honoring Leah. Just like I keep holding onto the pain of O to honor the relationship that we had and prove my real love for him. He’s moved on more than I could ever imagine moving on except that’s not true in the sense that I don’t know anything but I must be ABSOLUTELY clear with myself when I say that the reason it’s not true is because whatever I say is an assumption and I’m working on not making assumptions about other people at this point in my life bc I need to act on what people say bc I’m not at all a mind reader. And, I hope that he is thinking of me. But I’m playing with myself. He’s fine if he was here then he would be here. He might be in another state he might be in a whole other relationship.

Don’t fake yourself out. He’s not coming back.

He’s not coming back.

He’s not coming back.

He’s not coming back.

He’s not coming back.

He’s not coming back.

He’s moved on.

He’s moved on.

He’s moved on.

He had at least one other relationship.

He might not be single now.

He’s moved on.

He’s not coming back.

I need to finish this. I avoid the real point. Why does my brain do that. And I want to write down every thought. Why so many digressions

Okay then

I’m typing with my eyes closed sometimes which is something I used to do in high school while I was typing late into the night exactly like I am right now. S always lay facedown on his bed which I thought was fucking weird bc I only lay facedown to masturbate.

He did that in the day time

I kissed so many objects after reading the Star Wars novelization

We played Nanosaur at catholic school and public school.

The computers were in the portable

I never got to play as much as I wanted to

The computers were in the library and I played type to learn. I was watching Star Trek tng with my dad on a summer night and it enthralled me I couldn’t tell when special effects were bad at that age. We had to leave I had indoor soccer with Kirill’s dad and he was a star in the Soviet Union he said but who knows and I went to his house one time to play video games and it was a small apartment and I was so surprised. The preps took him in instantly but why not me WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME WHY IS MY GRIUP THE PPL WHO ARE WEIRD SS FUCK

We funked in the halls people laughed at how I didn’t know how to move myself or in anyway be in my body and I couldn’t let go why couldn’t I let go people who let go looked so cool Sam was our mascot at that high school duhduhduh day I didn’t know what tf I was doing there why was I in ASB it just seemed like the thing to do we tied I was relieved when I lost I missed the midnight going into the secret places in the school thing fuck my life I missed so many things I wanted

GOD DAMN JT

There were younger boys who went to pee in our one and only bathroom and they took their pants all the way down to their ankles and the older boys came in and made fun of them while they were still right there and I heard it and made sure not to be like the kindergarten boys so I wouldn’t be made fun of. I think I peed like that before that day. It didn’t matter??? Smooth white butts. There was one brown person in the class named Tharik. Maybe not but we were so white.

Is there anything else to remember about that moment?

Sinks where you pushed the bar at the feet to turn on the water

I’ve been to so many airport sinks and the urinals have no dividers

I always prayed no one else would be in the bathroom why was I so scared to pee beside someone I would be seen why didn’t I want to be seen? Other times I was dying to be seen. How did my desires change so much

Why was I obsessed with sex. I had fantasies of Hoth of magic school bus I was naked in so many. I didn’t want the doctor to examine my penis. I said can my mom do it instead and tell you. No he said but she can sit in the room. Okay he said. I was so scared. Why was I so scared. Why didn’t I handle it normally. Why I’m gods name would I want my mom to see my dick. What the fuck was wrong with me.

Is there ever a time I look back on myself and think wow that was a good decision I’m proud of that. No! I have happy moments like being the only freshman in honor choir or playing the zither or whatever it’s called with A

Am I more evolved than I was then

I choose not to act or do anything bc at least that way I can’t make any mistakes and not acting is also a mistake I can’t bear to do what I did in the past and then somehow I do it before I realize I’m doing it

Why was I obsessed with sex

I read about luke and Leia kissing in that movelization and I kissed so many things around the house trying to capture the description from the boom of how her lips felt. There were choose your own adventure books and i always imagined myself in them and unmade so many self insert fantasies where all the characters were still there. the boys were my friends and the girls were my lovers. I think OLL was where I read junior Jedi knights. We used to go to the library so much the old one and I read through so much Star Wars and Star Trek science fiction. I was never attracted to the boys. I never judged the stories I just enjoyed the imagination. And I read Ancient Greek mhths. I’m a fucking nerd and nothing nobody who got thrust into the center stage and suddenly I had some popularity and then I had that personality push and pull. Always being criticized. A criticized me and W criticized me after my recital like right after and A took down the program in Eugene and Ö tore me apart so many times including after the MC. Anneke was so fucking attractive.

God

I never should have had attention. I liked so much stupid nerd stuff. But I was cool in elementary school. I feel like wherever I am I try to make the stuff I like cool and bring people to me. I can’t fit into them. Music is a great way to do that bc everyone loves music.

I have always had false ideas of who I am but when I’m depressed I can be realistic. That’s why it’s good for me to be depressed. I’m a sinner and no good and deserve it. I deserve to feel bad. It’s penance. I deserve it.

That’s not what I should feel and that’s not what my brain feels but I write down stuff like that bc that’s what my heart is saying. Those could even be in quotes. That’s being said by a different me inside me if that makes any sense.

I’m so privileged. What do people think when they see me. Do I not have more followers and more story views bc I’m a fucking loser and that’s what people see? But I liked myself. I liked what I saw. I liked it. But it wasn’t or isn’t good enough for other people. My opinions grate. My opinions drive people away. Why do I always have such strong opinions.

I never do anything part way

I started masurbating so early. How did I find it

Don’t message back fast. They’re very inconsistent. You’re hoping for much more than they will ever give. You give what you look to receive. You don’t give what people deserve. You don’t give based on the real quality of your relationship but by what you want it to be or you give without regard for yourself and only regard for pleasing the other. A. W. O. D.

No boundaries. Too many boundaries. Inappropriate feelings. I do so much to avoid inappropriate feelings.

What’s inappropriate

Wrong

You should have sexual feelings for that person

You shouldn’t like people that much older or that much younger. I never knew him when he wasn’t an adult I stg

I can’t remember any sexual feelings at all in third grade. I remember so many times when I thought wby dont I like anyone. I remember like forcing myself to like K in fifth grade. I end up dating or whatever people I’m not attracted to. I see someone in them that isn’t the real them and then I expect them to act like that person

I guess I tried to change O. I’m the bad one

Idk if that’s true that I tried to change him.

But I definitely might say x is a good decision in my opinion. Stuff like that.

Am I asexual? The question doesn’t stop coming back to me.

Can I remember anything. I don’t fucking know.

I played with my penis from a time when I was very young.

W feels natural for me but wrong. That’s not who I am.

K doesn’t feel natural these days most of the time and idk why. Is she just a costume :( I don’t want her to be but maybe she is. I have to face all my inner voices. Avoiding them has hurt me a lot.

I don’t see people for who they are. For who they are inside I see them. Nope. That’s my projection. Who I think they could be which is another way of saying who I want them to be. Stupid stupid stupid.

Zuko

Rubbing my dick on my bed felt good. Rubbing it on blankets felt better. Pulling down my pants and then pulling down my underwear. Better and better and better. I didn’t think to masturbate with my hand for years. I went through so much shampoo. I came in so many showers. Once I was scared I would get my sister pregnant bc I came in the tub. I came in my grandparents’ bathrooms. Both of them. My dads dad doesn’t hardly seem like part of the family.

Why don’t i remember more?

Because there’s nothing else to remember.

Each experience is a different me. How will I ever know who the me me is. So many different selves. So many masks. A different person around every single person. Only O and D knew the full me. Not A or W. They were my sex friends and we were in a relationship. Sex was what I wanted. I turned into their emotional support doll. They didn’t support me. I don’t tell W things. She isn’t on my sinsta. I haven’t told her about it. She would be hurt that I didn’t. And that I wouldn’t add her. Don’t give people things they can’t handle. She doesn’t use my girl name. I wonder if O knows I changed my name online. It doesn’t matter. He’s not part of it.

She doesn’t understand a lot. A doesn’t understand a lot. There are these lines right. They’re not like me. But we have sex. Sex is so important to me bc they’re sex friends. But then I get sucked in emotionally. Same with O. We were sex friends that got emotional.

I never had sex that satisfied me.

There’s a gap of why sex why me. Etc. Why secret. I’ve always been a secret whore like lots of white girls.

I’m obsessed with symmetry too. I’m not normal. I hate seeing S’s name in my text suggestions or whatever they’re called. predictive text.

I’ve always been obsessed with symmetry. Idk where that came from. I can’t stand asymmetry in my body which ofc we all have bc nothing is perfect in nature in a mathematical sense.

Left right right left

Up left down right down left up right

I do that pattern constantly. Teeth tongue mouth eyes feet

I’ve done that since forever. Why

Idk

Nothing comes from nothing but that doesn’t mean it came from severe sexual trauma either

I’m trying to find trauma just find sexual thoughts in the past instead

Like my dad giving me that one shirt sex talk and how uncomfortable it was and how I thought about balls or how sex was always trash and we had to go to bed when our parents were watching a movie did they ever make out there was no physicality in their relationship ever. She has her couch my dad has his chair

I don’t want to be physical with them I do with everyone else maybe I’m the abuser maybe I was born that way I kissed everyone they didn’t want it maybe Mrs. H was right to punish me that way. I feel like my sexual interest started before kindergarten

Masturbatimg has always been fantasy time. Sometimes memory time. Sometimes creating fantasy memories. Sometimes living out things I read. Erotica really is the superior porn

I masturbated like crazy, and, I didn’t know any sexual terms. Bisexual is when the woman is older than the man LMAO

I think already in first grade or so I didn’t tell my parents about school. I didn’t want to. Everyone knew who we were. Big ass silver van. We always were the last to leave anything. Always talking like crazy. Public was our only freedom even though it was our fake selves. I kicked the rock into Mrs. G’s ankle. My mom shouted at me. We were just playing. AND I know that I knew I was being risky. We ran laps around the school. It was always hard for me. Running. I always hated it. I couldn’t push myself. That Mikaela or Michaela or however she spelled her name was ahead of me on the sidewalk. She was faster than me. We ran laps under the covered area. That was where we were allowed to play during rain time. I told Jesse she was dat and she said that’s a black mark on my soul and a sin. H E L L H E double L H E double hockey sticks

I peed my pants and somehow Mrs. H knew