#Southie accent
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It's wild how much scarier Kevin sounds with a mass accent. Allison's voice can sometimes sound like a joke during the sitcom bits, but Kevin has no accent. He sounds like an all American guy special everyman, not some stereotypical pos from Worcester.
Kevin's accent is so obvious and scary. I was curb in mass. I knew purple that talk like that, the way he did to people. The way he did to Allison the entire time that we don't see until the end. It's wild how self. Entered he is. He doesn't have an accent, everyone else does and they sound silly.
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big acting saw chris evans, the first and last tall hot man from boston, and said yeah we’ve gotta do something with this guy
#i’m not even that down for him i’m speaking objectively here. boston is a city of short kings#like there are hot men but they are 5’10’’ MAX#if you’re in boston and you see a tall hot man that man is a transplant. guaranteed idk what it is#it’s also so funny how his accent comes out in literally every role i’ve ever seen him in. which is like maybe 3 now that i think abt it#but still. hilarious. like does this guy on an apocalypse train sound like he frequents dives in southie
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The Peter Welch's gym part of the Boston episode...thank you god and Tony
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I saw your post about your monk from a dnd campaign you played and I loved their design so much
Miligo Mimigo!
High Elf
1 very smooth braincell, it is like a marble.
Speaks with a Boston (Southie) accent, but that's not a high elf thing in this world, that's just a her thing.
Expelled from magic arts academy after Shocking Grasping the headmaster's daughter so hard you could see her skeleton like it was a cartoon lightning strike. It was super deserved though, trust.
-> Shocking Grasp continues to be the only spell she knows. But she's great at punching.
-> Her outfit still features the cloak from the magic arts academy, which she wears like a cape, though the accompanying hat is long gone.
-> Her gloomy but otherwise identical twin sister Iligo is still at the academy training to be a mage.
Early in campaign when I didn't have as strong of a vision for her personality & design:
Later in the campaign, when I understood her as a character a little better:
Her sister Iligo:
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Pls post your fav Voice actorssss
Assuming you mean like erotic VAs and not general VAs lol
We all love badjhur. Came free with your cod fandom membership
Bsplines has a beautiful Nordic accent that I love
Rum-N-Coke does some excellent scenarios
If you like growling, everdistant-utopia is your guy. Seriously. The sounds I have heard come out of this man are insane. Growling, whining, grunting, he puts his whole pussy into it.
IMO PleaseJustTease is the GOAT in terms of noncon. He is excellent at that kinda content. Knows precisely how to sound calm, teasing, but with no malice at all.
Southie is an all around talent
TalkingSmut has an excellent voice and cadence, he’s a brilliant performer and I love his catgirl audios TO DEATH. Like I’ve probably listened to this one like 10 times. It’s excellent for sleeping.
MignightCarriage might be my all time favorite— I wish he had a bigger library. He hasn’t posted for a while, but I really really love his voice. It’s not conventional— it has a quality I can’t describe but I just am so obsessed with it.
DescribeAndNow is your guy if you just wanna feel like a completely helpless object tbh. Warning his stuff is probably the most out there— it’s very deep in kink territory and there are some audios he’s done that squick me.
Haven’t listened to much of his other stuff, but I am NOT over wagnerfirst’s König audio
thedomphotdog is an excellent resource for hybrid lovers
FadeByNight’s stuff is mainly paid/subscription, but it’s for a good reason. He makes quality content. Also an excellent actor.
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Petard, Part III
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2025/02/01/miskatonic-networks/#landlord-telco-industrial-complex
Last week, Trump's FCC chair Brendan Carr reversed a rule that banned your landlord from taking kickbacks in exchange for forcing you to use whatever ISP was willing to pay the biggest bribe for the right to screw you over:
https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2025/01/fcc-chair-nixes-plan-to-boost-broadband-competition-in-apartment-buildings/
Corporate fascists and their captured regulators are, of course, that most despicable of creatures: they are plagiarists. Like so many of our tech overlords, they have mistaken dystopian sf as a suggestion, rather than as a warning. I take this personally, because I actually wrote this as an sf story in 2013, and it was published in 2014 in MIT Tech Review's Twelve Tomorrows, edited by Bruce Sterling and published in 2014:
https://mitpress.mit.edu/9780262535595/twelve-tomorrows-2014/
I adapted it for my podcast, in four installments:
https://archive.org/details/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_278
https://archive.org/details/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_292
https://archive.org/details/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_293
https://archive.org/details/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_294_-_Petard_04
And, given the new currency of this old story, I thought it was only fitting that I serialize it here, on my blog, also in four parts.
Here's part one:
https://pluralistic.net/2025/01/30/landlord-telco-industrial-complex/#part-one
Here's part two:
https://pluralistic.net/2025/01/31/the-blood-speech/#part-two
And now, onto part three:
One of the early Ftp code contributors was now CTO for an ISP, and they'd gotten their start as a dorm co-op at Brown that had metastasized across New England. Sanjay had been pretty important to the early days of Ftp, helping us get the virtualization right so that it could run on pretty much any cloud without a lot of jiggery and/or pokery. Within a day of emailing Sanjay, I was having coffee with the vice-president of business development for Miskatonic Networks, who was also Sanjay's boyfriend's girlfriend, because apparently ISPs in New England are hotbeds of Lovecraft-fandom polyamory. Her name was Kadijah and she had a southie accent so thick it was like an amateur theater production of Good Will Hunting.
"The Termite Mound?" She laughed. "Shit yeah, I know that place. It's still standing? I went to some super sketchy parties there when I was a kid, I mean sooooper sketchy, like sketch-a-roony. I can't believe no one's torched the place yet."
"Not yet," I said. "And seeing as all my stuff's there right now, I'm hoping that no one does for the time being."
"Yeah, I can see that." I could not get over her accent. It was the most Bostonian thing I'd encountered since I got off the train. "OK, so you want to know what we'd charge to provide service to someone at the Termite Mound?"
"Uh, no. I want to know what you'd charge per person if we could get you the whole Mound — every unit in the residence. All 250 of them."
"Oh." She paused a second. "This is an Ftp thing, right?"
"Yeah," I said. "That's how I know Sanjay. I, uh, I started Ftp." I don't like to brag, but sometimes it makes sense in the context of the conversation, right?
"That was you? Wicked! So you're seriously gonna get the whole dorm to sign up with us?"
"I will if you can get me a price that I can sell to them," I said.
"Oh," she said. Then "Oh! Right. Hmm. Leave it with me. You say you can get them all signed up?"
"I think so. If the price is right. And I think that if the Termite Mound goes with you that there'll be other dorms that'll follow. Maybe a lab or two," I said. I was talking out of my ass at this point, but seriously, net-censorship in the labs at MIT? It was disgusting. It could not stand.
"Damn," she said. "Sounds like you're majoring in Ftp. Don't you have classes or something?"
"No," I said. "This is basically exactly what I figured college would be like. A cross between summer camp and an Stanford obedience experiment. If all I wanted to do was cram a bunch of knowledge into my head, I could have stayed home and mooced it. I came here because I wanted to level up and fight something tough and even dangerous. I want to spend four years getting into the right kind of trouble. Going to classes too, but seriously, classes? Whatever. Everyone knows the good conversations happen in the hallway between the formal presentations. Classes are just an excuse to have hallways."
She looked skeptical and ate banana bread.
"It's your deal," she said.
I could hear the but hanging in the air between us. She went and got more coffees and brought them back along with toasted banana bread dripping with butter for me. She wouldn't let me pay, and told me it was on Miskatonic. We were a potential big account. She didn't want to say "But" because she might offend me. I wanted to hear the "but."
"But?"
"But what?"
"It's my deal but…?"
"But, well, you know, you don't look after your grades, MIT'll put you out on your ass. That's how it works in college. I've seen it."
I chewed my banana bread.
"Hey," she said. "Hey. Are you OK, Lukasz?"
"I'm fine," I said.
She smiled at me. She was pretty. "But?"
I told her about my talk with AA, and about Juanca, and about how I felt like nobody was giving me my propers, and she looked very sympathetic, in a way that made me feel much younger. Like toddler younger.
"MIT is all about pranks, right? I think if I could come up with something really epic, they'd –" And as I said it, I realized how dumb it was. They laughed at me in Vienna, I'll show them! "You know what? Forget about it. I got more important things to do than screw around with those knob-ends. Work to do, right? Get the network opened up around here, you and me, Kadijah!"
"Don't let it get to you, you'll give yourself an aneurism. I'll get back to you soon, OK?"
#
I fished a bead out of my pocket and wedged it into my ear.
"Who is this?"
"Lukasz?" The voice was choked with tears.
"Who is this?" I said again.
"It's Bryan." I couldn't place the voice or the name.
"Bryan who?"
"From the Termite Mound's customer service desk." Then I recognized the voice. It was the elf, and he was having hysterics. Part of me wanted to say, Oh, diddums! and hang up. Because elves, AMR? But I'm not good at tough love.
"What's wrong?"
"They've fired me," he said. "I got called into my boss's office an hour ago and he told me to start drawing up a list of people to kick out of the dorm — he wanted the names of people who supported you. I was supposed to go through the EULAs for the dorm and find some violations for all of them –"
"What if they didn't have any violations?"
He made a sound between a sob and a laugh. "Are you kidding? You're always in violation! Have you read the EULA for the Mound? It's like sixty pages long."
"OK, gotcha. So you refused and you got fired?"
There was a pause. It drew out. "No," he said, his voice barely a whisper. "I gave them a bunch of names, and then they fired me."
Again, I was torn between the impulse to hang up on him and to hear more. Nosiness won (nosiness always wins; bets on nosiness are a sure thing). "Nicely done. Sounds like just deserts to me. What do you expect me to do about it?" But I knew. There were only two reasons to call me after something like this: to confess his sins or to get revenge. And no one would ever mistake me for a priest.
"I've got the names they pulled. Not just this time. Every time there's been any kind of trouble in the Termite Mound, MIT Residence has turfed out the troublemakers on some bogus EULA violation. They know that no one cares about student complaints, and there's always a waiting list for rooms at the Termite Mound, it's so central and all. I kept records."
"What kind of records?"
"Hardcopies of emails. They used disappearing ink for all the dirty stuff, but I just took pictures of my screen with my drop and saved it to personal storage. It's ugly. They went after pregnant girls, kids with disabilities. Any time there was a chance they'd have to do an air quality audit or fix a ramp, I'd have to find some reason to violate the tenant out of residence." He paused a moment. "They used some pretty bad language when they talked about these people, too."
The Termite Mound should've been called the Roach Motel: turn on the lights and you'd find a million scurrying bottom-feeders running for the baseboards.
I was going to turn on the lights.
"You've got all that, huh?
"Tons of it," he said. "Going back three years. I knew that if it ever got out that they'd try and blame it on me. I wanted records."
"OK," I said. "Meet me in Harvard Square, by the T entrance. How soon can you get there?"
"I'm at the Coop right now," he said. "Using a study-booth."
"Perfect," I said. "Five minutes then?"
"I'm on my way."
The Coop's study booths had big signs warning you that everything you did there was recorded — sound, video, infrared, data — and filtered for illicit behavior. The signs explained that there was no human being looking at the records unless you did something to trip the algorithm, like that made it better. If a tree falls in the forest, it sure as shit makes a sound; and if your conversation is bugged, it's bugged — whether or not a human being listens in right then or at some time in the infinite future of that data.
I beat him to the T entrance, and looked around for a place to talk. It wasn't good. From where I stood, I could see dozens of cameras, the little button-sized dots discretely placed all around the square, each with a little scannable code you could use to find out who got the footage and what it's policy was. No one ever, ever, ever bothered to do this. Ever. EULAs were not written for human consumption: a EULA's message could always be boiled down to seven words: "ABANDON HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE." Or, more succinctly: "YOU LOSE."
I felt bad about Bryan's job. It was his own deal, of course. He'd stayed even after he knew how evil they were. And I hadn't held a gun to his head and made him put himself in the firing line. But of course, I had convinced him to. I had led him to. I felt bad.
Bryan turned up just as I was scouting a spot at an outdoor table by an ice-cream parlor. They had a bunch of big blowing heaters that'd do pretty good white-noise masking, a good light/dark contrast between the high-noon sun and the shade of the awning that would screw up cameras' white-balance, and the heaters would wreak havoc on the infra-red range of the CCTVs, or so I hoped. I grabbed Bryan, clamping down on his skinny arm through the rough weave of his forest-green cloak and dragged him into my chosen spot.
"You got it?" I said, once we were both seated and nursing hot chocolates. I got caffeinated marshmallows; he got Thai ghost pepper-flavored — though that was mostly marketing, no way those marshmallows were over a couple thousand Scovilles.
"I encrypted it with your public key," he said, handing me a folded up paper. I unfolded it and saw that it had been printed with a stegoed QR code, hidden in a Victorian woodcut. That kind of spycraft was pretty weaksauce — the two-dee-barcode-in-a-public-domain-image thing was a staple of shitty student clickbait thrillers — but if he'd really managed to get my public key and verify it and then encrypt the blob with it, I was impressed. That was about ten million times more secure than the average fumbledick ever managed. The fact that he'd handed me a hardcopy of the URL instead of emailing it to me, well, that was pretty sweet frosting. Bryan had potential.
I folded the paper away. "What should I be looking for?"
"It's all organized and tagged. You'll see." He looked nervous. "What are you going to do with it?"
"Well, for starters, I'm going to call them up and tell them I have it."
"What?" He looked like he was going to cry.
"Come on," I said. "I'm not going to tell them where I got it. The way you tell it, I'm about to get evicted, right?"
"Technically, you are evicted. There's a process-server waiting at every entrance to the Termite Mound doing face-recognition on the whole list. Soon as you go home, bam. 48 hours to clear out."
"Right," I said. "I don't want to have to go look for a place to live while I'm also destroying these shitbirds and fixing everyone's Internet connection. Get serious. So I'm going to go and talk to Messrs Amoral, Nonmoral and Immoral and explain that I have a giant dump of compromising messages from them that I'm going public with, and it'll look really, really bad for them if they turf me out now."
It's time for a true confession. I am not nearly as brave as I front. All this spycraft stuff, all the bluster about beating these guys on their home turf, yeah, in part I'm into it — I like it better than riding through life like a foil chip-bag being swept down a polluted stream on a current of raw sewage during a climate-change-driven superstorm.
But the reality is that I can't really help myself. There's some kind of rot-fungus that infects the world. Things that are good when they're small and personal grow, and as they grow, their attack-surface grows with them, and they get more and more colonized by the fungus, making up stupid policies, doing awful stuff to the people who rely on them and the people who work for them, one particle of fungus at a time, each one just a tiny and totally defensible atomic-sized spoor of rot that piles up and gloms onto all the other bits of rot until you're a walking, suppurating lesion.
No one ever set out to create the kind of organization that needs to post a "MIT RESIDENCY LLC OPERATES A ZERO-TOLERANCE POLICY TOWARD EMPLOYEE ABUSE. YOU CAN BE FINED UP TO $2000 AND/OR IMPRISONED FOR SIX MONTHS FOR ASSAULTING A CAMPUS RESIDENCE WORKER" sign. You start out trying to do something good, then your realize you can get a little richer by making it a little worse. Your thermostat for shittiness gets reset to the new level, so it doesn't seem like much of a change to turn it a notch further towards the rock-bottom, irredeemably shitty end of the scale.
The truth is that you can get really rich and huge by playing host organism to the rot-fungus. The rot-fungus diffuses its harms and concentrates its rewards. That means that healthy organisms that haven't succumbed to the rot-fungus are liable to being devoured by giant, well-funded vectors for it — think of the great local business that gets devoured by an awful hedge-fund in a leveraged takeover, looted and left as a revolting husk to shamble on until it collapses under its own weight.
I am terrified of the rot-fungus, because it seems like I'm the only person who notices it most of the time. Think of all those places where the town council falls all over itself to lure some giant corporation to open a local factory. Don't they notice that everyone who works at places like that hates every single moment of every single day? Haven't they ever tried to converse with the customer-service bots run by one of those lumbering dinos?
I mean, sure, the bigs have giant budgets and they'll take politicians out for nice lunches and throw a lot of money at their campaigns, but don't these guardians of the public trust ever try to get their cars fixed under warranty? Don't they ever buy a train ticket? Don't they ever eat at a fast food joint? Can't they smell the rot-fungus? Am I the only one? I've figured out how to fight it in my own way. Everyone else who's fighting seems to be fighting against something else — injustice or inequality or whatever, without understanding that the fungus's rot is what causes all of those things.
I'm convinced that no normal human being ever woke up one morning and said, "Dammit, my life doesn't have enough petty bureaucratic rules, zero-tolerance policies, censorship and fear in it. How do I fix that?" Instead, they let this stuff pile up, one compromise at a time, building up huge sores suppurating with spore-loaded fluids that eventually burst free and beslime everything around them. It gets normal to them, one dribble at a time.
"Lukasz, you're don't know what you're doing. These guys, they're –"
"What?" I said. "Are they the mafia or something? Are they going to have me dropped off a bridge with cement overshoes?"
He shook his head, making the twigs and beads woven into the downy fluff of his hair clatter together. "No, but they're ruthless. I mean, totally ruthless. They're not normal."
The way he said it twinged something in my hindbrain, some little squiggle of fear, but I pushed it away. "Yeah, that's OK. I'm used to abnormal." I am the most abnormal person I know.
"Be careful, seriously," he said.
"Thanks, Bryan," I said. "Don't worry about me. You want me to try and get your room back, too?"
He chewed his lip. "Don't," he said. "They'll know it was me if you do that."
I resisted the urge to shout at him to grow a spine. These assholes had cost him his home and his job (OK, I'd helped) and he was going to couch-surf it until he could find the rarest of treasures: an affordable place to live in Cambridge, Mass? Even if he was being tortured by his conscience for all his deplorable selloutism, he was still being a total wuss. But that was his deal. I mean, he was an elf, for chrissakes. Who knew what he was thinking?
"Suit yourself," I said, and went and made some preparations.
#
Messers Amoral, Nonmoral and Immoral had an office over the river in Boston, in a shabby office-block that only had ten floors, but whose company directory listed over 800 businesses. I knew the kind of place, because they showed up whenever some hairy scam unravelled and they showed you the office-of-convenience used by the con-artists who'd destroyed something that lots of people cared about and loved in order to make a small number of bad people a little richer. A kind of breeding pit for rot-fungus, in other words.
At first I thought I was going to have to go and sleuth their real locations, but I saw that Amoral, Nonmoral and Immoral had the entire third floor registered to them, while everyone else had crazy-ass, heavily qualified suite numbers like 401c(1)K, indicating some kind of internal routing code for the use of the army of rot-fungus-infected spores who ensured that correspondence was handled in a way that preserved the illusion that each of the multifarious, blandly named shell companies (I swear to Cthulhu that there was one called "International Holdings (Holdings), Ltd") was a real going concern and not a transparent ruse intended to allow the rot-fungus to spread with maximal diffusion of culpability for the carriers who did its bidding.
I punched # # #300# # # on the ancient touchscreen intercom, its surface begrimed with a glossy coat of hardened DNA, Burger King residue and sifted-down dust of the ages. It blatted like an angry sheep, once, twice, three times, then disconnected. I punched again. Again. On the fourth try, an exasperated, wheezing voice emerged: "What?"
"I'm here to speak to someone from MIT Residences LLC."
"Send an email."
"I'm a tenant. My name is Lukasz Romero." I let that sink in. "I've got some documents I'd like to discuss with a responsible individual at MIT Residences LLC." I put a bit of heavy English on documents. "Please." I put even more English on "Please." I've seen the same tough-guy videos that you have, and I can do al-pacinoid overwound Dangerous Dude as well as anyone. "Please," I said again, meaning "Right. Now."
There was an elongated and ominous pause, punctuated by muffled rustling and grumbling, and what may have been typing on an old-fashioned, mechanical keyboard. "Come up," a different voice said. The elevator to my left ground as the car began to lower itself.
#
I'd expected something sinister — a peeling dungeon of a room where old men with armpit-stains gnawed haunches of meat and barked obscenities at each other. Instead, I found myself in an airy, high-ceilinged place that was straight out of the publicity shots for MIT's best labs, the ones that had been set-dressed by experts who'd ensured that no actual students had come in to mess things up before the photographer could get a beautifully lit shot of the platonic perfection.
The room took up the whole floor, dotted with conversation pits with worn, comfortable sofas whose end-tables sported inconspicuous charge-plates for power-hungry gadgets. The rest of the space was made up of new-looking worksurfaces and sanded-down antique wooden desks that emitted the honeyed glow of a thousand coats of wax buffed by decades of continuous use. The light came from tall windows and full-spectrum spotlights that were reflected and diffused off the ceiling, which was bare concrete and mazed with cable-trays and conduit. I smelled good coffee and toasting bread and saw a perfectly kept little kitchenette to my left.
There were perhaps a dozen people working in the room, standing at the worksurfaces, mousing away at the antique desks, or chatting intensely in the conversation pits. It was a kind of perfect tableau of industrious tech-company life, something out of a recruiting video. The people were young and either beautiful, handsome or both. I had the intense, unexpected desire to work here, or a place like this. It had good vibes.
One of the young, handsome people stood up from his conversation nook and smoothed out the herringbone wool hoodie he was wearing, an artfully cut thing that managed to make him look like both a young professor and an undergraduate at the same time. It helped that he was so fresh-faced, with apple cheeks and a shock of curly brown hair.
"Lukasz, right?" He held out a hand. He was wearing a dumbwatch, a wind-up thing in a steel casing that was fogged with a century of scratches. I coveted it instantly, though I knew nothing about its particulars, I was nevertheless certain that it was expensive, beautifully engineered, and extremely rare.
The door closed behind me and the magnet audibly reengaged. The rest of the people in the room studiously ignored us.
"I'm Sergey. Can I get you a cup of coffee? Tea? Some water?"
The coffee smelled good. "No thank you," I said. "I don't think I'll be here for long."
"Of course. Come and sit."
The other participants in his meeting had already vacated the sofas and left us with a conversation pit all to ourselves. I sank into the sofa and smelled the spicy cologne of a thousand eager, well-washed people who'd sat on it before me, impregnating the upholstery with the spoor of their good perfumes.
He picked up a small red enamel teapot and poured a delicious-smelling stream of yellow-green steaming liquid into a chunky diner-style coffee-cup. He sipped it. My stomach growled. "You told the receptionist you wanted to talk about some documents?"
"Yeah," I said, pulling myself together. "I've got documentary evidence of this company illegally evicting tenants — students — who got pregnant, complained about substandard living conditions and maintenance issues, and, in my case, complained about the network filters at the Termite Mound."
He cocked his head for a moment like he was listening for something in the hum and murmur of the office around him. I found myself listening, too, but try as I might, I couldn't pick out a single individual voice from the buzz, not even a lone intelligble word. It was as though they were all going "murmurmurmurmur," though I could see their lips moving and shaping what must have been words.
"Ah," he said at last. "Well, that's very unfortunate. Can you give me a set and I'll escalate them up our chain to ensure that they're properly dealt with?"
"I can give you a set," I said. "But I'll also be giving a set to the MIT ombudsman and the The Tech and the local Wikileaks Party rep. Sergey, forgive me, but you don't seem to be taking this very seriously. The material in my possession is the sort of thing that could get you and your colleagues here sued into a smoking crater."
"Oh, I appreciate that there's a lot of potential liability in the situation you describe, but it wouldn't be rational for me to freak out now, would it? I haven't seen your documents, and if I had, I can neither authenticate them nor evaluate the risk they represent. So I'll take a set from you and ensure that the people within our organization who have the expertise to manage this sort of thing get to them quickly."
It's funny. I'd anticipated that he'd answer like a chatbot, vomiting up Markov-chained nothings from the lexicon of the rot-fungus: "we take this very seriously," "we cannot comment on ongoing investigations," "we are actioning this with a thorough inquiry and post-mortem" and other similar crapola. Instead, he was talking like a hacker on a mailing list defending the severity he'd assigned to a bug he owned.
"Sergey, that's not much of an answer."
He sipped that delicious tea some more. "Is there something in particular you wanted to hear from me? I mean, this isn't the sort of thing that you find out about then everything stops until you've figured out what to do next."
I was off-balance. "I wanted –" I waved my hands. "I wanted an explanation. How the hell did this systematic abuse come about?"
He shrugged. He really didn't seem very worried "Hard to say, really. Maybe it was something out of the labs."
"What do you mean, 'the labs'?"
He gestured vaguely at one cluster of particularly engrossed young men and women who were bent over screens and worksurfaces, arranged in pairs or threesomes, collaborating with fierce intensity, reaching over to touch each others' screens and keyboards in a way I found instantly and deeply unsettling. "We've got a little R&D lab that works on some of our holdings. We're really dedicated to disrupting the rental market. There's so much money in it, you know, but mostly it's run by these entitled jerks who think that they're geniuses for having the brilliant idea of buying a building and then sitting around and charging rent on it. A real old boys' club." For the first time since we started talking, he really seemed to be alive and present and paying attention.
"Oh, they did some bits and pieces that gave them the superficial appearance of having a brain, but there's a lot of difference between A/B splitting your acquisition strategy and really deep-diving into the stuff that matters."
At this stage, I experienced a weird dissonance. I mean, I was there because these people were doing something genuinely villainous, real rot-fungus stuff. On the other hand, well, this sounded cool. I can't lie. I found it interesting. I mean, catnip-interesting.
"I mean, chewy questions. Like, if the median fine for a second citation for substandard plumbing is $400, and month-on-month cost for plumbing maintenance in a given building is $2,000 a month, and the long-term costs of failure to maintain are $20,000 for full re-plumbing on a 8-10 year basis with a 75 percent probability of having to do the big job in year nine, what are the tenancy parameters that maximize your return over that period?"
"Tenancy parameters?"
He looked at me. I was being stupid. I don't like that look. I suck at it. It's an ego thing. I just find it super-hard to deal with other people thinking that I'm dumb. I would probably get more done in this world if I didn't mind it so much. But I do. It's an imperfect world, and I am imperfect.
"Tenancy parameters. What are the parameters of a given tenant that predict whether he or she will call the city inspectors given some variable setpoint of substandard plumbing, set on a scale that has been validated through a rigorous regression through the data that establishes quantifiable inflection points relating to differential and discrete maintenance issues, including leaks, plugs, pressure, hot water temperature and volume, and so on. It's basically just a solve-for-x question, but it's one with a lot of details in the model that are arrived at through processes with a lot of room for error, so the model needs a lot of refinement and continuous iteration.
"And of course, it's all highly sensitive to external conditions — there's a whole game-theoretical set of questions about what other large-scale renters do in response to our own actions, and there's a information-theory dimension to this that's, well, it's amazing. Like, which elements of our strategy are telegraphed when we take certain actions as opposed to others, and how can those be steganographed through other apparent strategies.
"Now, most of these questions we can answer through pretty straightforward business processes, stuff that Amazon figured out twenty years ago. But there's a real risk of getting stuck in local maxima, just you know, overoptimizing inside of one particular paradigm with some easy returns. That's just reinventing the problem, though, making us into tomorrow's dinosaurs.
"If we're going to operate a culture of continuous improvement, we need to be internally disrupted to at least the same extent that we're disrupting those fat, stupid incumbents. That's why we have the labs. They're our chaos monkeys. They do all kinds of stuff that keeps our own models sharp. For example, they might incorporate a separate business and use our proprietary IP to try to compete with us — without telling us about it. Or give a set of autonomous agents privileges to communicate eviction notices in a way that causes a certain number of lawsuits to be filed, just to validate our assumptions about the pain-point at which an action or inaction on our side will trigger a suit from a tenant, especially for certain profiles of tenants.
"So there's not really any way that I can explain specifically what happened to the people mentioned in your correspondence. It's possible no one will ever be able to say with total certainty. I don't really know why anyone would expect it to be otherwise. We're not a deterministic state-machine, after all. If all we did was respond in set routines to set inputs, it'd be trivial to innovate around us and put us out of business. Our objective is to be strategically nonlinear and anti-deterministic within a range of continuously validated actions that map and remap a chaotic terrain of profitable activities in relation to property and rental. We're not rentiers, you understand. We don't own assets for a living. We do things with them. We're doing commercial science that advances the state of the art. We're discovering deep truths lurking in potentia in the shape of markets and harnessing them — putting them to work."
His eyes glittered. "Lukasz, you come in here with your handful of memos and you ask me to explain how they came about, as though this whole enterprise was a state-machine that we control. We do not control the enterprise. An enterprise is an artificial life-form built up from people and systems in order to minimize transaction costs so that it can be nimble and responsive, so that it can move into niches, dominate them, fully explore them. The human species has spent millennia recombining its institutions to uncover the deep, profound mathematics of power and efficiency.
"It's a terrain with a lot of cul-de-sacs and blind alleys. There are local maxima: maybe a three-move lookahead shows a good outcome from evicting someone who's pregnant and behind on the rent, but the six-move picture is different, because someone like you comes along and makes us look like total assholes. That's fine. All that means is that we have to prune that branch of the tree, try a new direction. Hell, ideally, you'd be in there so early, and give us such a thoroughgoing kicking, that we'd be able to discover and abort the misfire before the payload had fully deployed. You'd be saving us opportunity cost. You'd be part of our chaos-monkey.
"Lukasz, you come in here with your whistleblower memos. But I'm not participating in a short-term exercise. Our mission here is to quantize, systematize, harness and perfect interactions.
"You come in here and you want me to explain, right now, what we're going to do about your piece of information. Here's your answer, Lukasz: we will integrate it. We will create models that incorporate disprovable hypotheses about it, we will test those models, and we will refine them. We will make your documents part of our inventory of clues about the underlying nature of deep reality. Does that answer satisfy you, Lukasz?"
I stood up. Through the whole monologue, Sergey's eyes had not moved from mine, nor had his body-language shifted, nor had he demonstrated one glimmer of excitement or passion. Instead, he'd been matter-of-fact, like he'd been explaining the best way to make an omelet or the optimal public transit route to a distant suburb. I was used to people geeking out about the stuff they did. I'd never experienced this before, though: it was the opposite of geeking out, or maybe a geeking out that went so deep that it went through passion and came out the other side.
It scared me. I'd encountered many different versions of hidebound authoritarianism, fought the rot-fungus in many guises, but this was not like anything I'd ever seen. It had a purity that was almost… seductive.
But beautiful was not the opposite of terrible. The two could easily co-exist.
"I hear that I'm going to get evicted when I get back to the Termite Mound — you've got a process-server waiting for me. That's what I hear."
Sergey shrugged. "And?"
"And? And what use is your deep truth to me if I'm out on the street?"
"What's your point?"
He was as mild and calm as a recorded airport safety announcement. There was something inhuman — transhuman? — in that dispassionate mein.
"Don't kick me out of my place."
"Ah. Excuse me a second."
He finished his tea, set the cup down and headed over to the lab. He chatted with them, touched their screens. The murmur drowned out any words. I didn't try to disguise the fact that I was watching them. There was a long period during which they said nothing, did not touch anything, just stared at the screens with their heads so close together they were almost touching. It was a kind of pantomime of psychic communications.
He came back. "Done," he said. "Is there anything else? We're pretty busy around here."
"Thank you," I said. "No, that's about it."
"All right then," he said. "Are you going to leave me your documents?"
"Yes," I said, and passed him a stack of hardcopies. He looked at the paper for a moment, folded the stack carefully at the middle and put it in one of the wide side-pockets of his beautifully tailored cardigan.
I found my way back down to the ground floor and was amazed to see that the sun was still up. It had felt like hours had passed while Sergey had talked to me, and I could have sworn that the light had faded in those tall windows. But, checking my drop, I saw that it was only three o'clock. I had to be getting home.
There was a process-server waiting ostentatiously in the walkway when I got home, but he looked at me and then down at his screen and then let me pass.
It was only once I was in my room that I realized I hadn't done anything about Bryan's eviction.
#pluralistic#aaronsw#science fiction#big cable#telecoms#isps#net neutrality#boston#mit#fcc#National Multifamily Housing Council#NMHC#National Apartment Association#NAA#Real Estate Technology and Transformation Center#petard
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no idea if ur up for writing this kinda dynamic, but what would hockey player!Matt think if he heard exchange student!Reader mimic his accent and attitude?
oh em gee, i really wanted to be asked these things, let me elaborate a little.
the sun was blazing down on the school field, and the smell of grass was thick in the air as everyone from coach ferguson's gym class was catching their breath after a run that felt like it went on forever. matt, with his hockey player stamina, was barely breaking a sweat, while y/n, who was more about pokemon than running, was still puffing like she'd just climbed mount everest in her vans.
"ya gotta ditch those vans in gym class, y/n. they ain't gonna make ya run any fastah, ya know?" matt teased, his boston accent as thick as the summer air, the 'r's practically disappearing from his words.
y/n, with a playful smirk, decided to give his accent a whirl, her argentinian background adding an extra layer of fun to her mimicry. "oh, sawry, i didn't catch that with ya wicked hahd boston accent, could ya say it again?" she exaggerated, rolling her 'r's in a way that made her sound like she was from the north end, not buenos aires.
matt's face lit up with a grin, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "oh, you think you're wicked funny, huh? " he chortled, his accent so pronounced you could almost see the 'r's flying off. "you're gonna get yaself in trouble, messin' with a true bostonian like me."
y/n burst into laughter, her cheeks flushing from both the run and the playful mockery. "i'm just sayin', it's like ya speakin' a whole otha language ova here," she continued, her imitation now sounding like she'd been raised on the mean streets of dorchester.
matt shook his head, laughing, "alright, ya got me, ya got me," he admitted, his voice lowering to a teasing whisper, "but only 'cause ya look wicked cute when ya're all outta breath and pretendin' to be from southie."
y/n blushed, her mimicry game faltering for a moment under his compliment. "maybe i should stick to my own accent then, since it seems to be workin' for me," she retorted, the playful banter making the air between them feel charged with something fun and flirty.
#﹙ㅤ📄ㅤ﹚ㅤ﹔ㅤchattingㅤ︐#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo x you#matthew sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo fanfic#matthew sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo#sturniolo triplets imagines
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guy at the bank with an overwhelming southie accent just held up the line for 30 minutes while he fished wads of 1s, 5s, 10s, and 20s, out of his cargo shorts to make a 7k deposit, another victory of the human spirit in the beautiful city of boston today
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Hawkeye ditching his Maine accent 🤝 Trapper ditching his Southie accent
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I need him to do a Boston crime movie. Something like The Departed or The Town. He can play the detective or criminal, I just want to hear his (fake) Boston accent.
I recently rewatched The Departed and had forgotten how smart and good that movie is. Trying to figure out which one of the "bad guys" is the worst is one of those existential twists I really love in movies.
But, hey, if you want a hit of the fake Southie...
youtube
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Hot Showers and Cold Bleach
Warnings: Strong Language
Authors Note: this has been sitting in my drafts for 2 months now and i’m so proud of this one!! i simply can’t wait for this universe to have its moment. hope you all like it as much as I do!!
——————
April 11th 2019
Kalani already had a strong regret facetiming her mother and father Anna and Marcus back home in New Jersey as she packed for her trip for Coachella with her longtime boyfriend, Micheal and his bandmates along with Luke and Ashton’s girlfriends Sierra and KayKay.
Roy, one of Calum’s friends is tagging along as well with the group.
Kalani and Micheal have been together ever since the infamous Bali trip the boys took in 2016. Even though he was secretly subscribed to her youtube channel from 2014 and she was his celebrity crush. He made that apparent in every interview he was asked that question.
She knew some of her good friends who were going and gave her a free ticket to go. Kailani and Micheal originally just wanting to hook up that whole week and never talk again until they realized their feelings and have been together ever since.
Her old youtube vlog of that trip has clips of the two shamelessly flirting with one another that they look back upon now and laugh.
She held up one blue bikini, one red one, and a pink one and quickly shoved them in her bag until her mother’s Jersey accent rang through.
“What the hell are those pieces of fabric??” She demanded.
“‘My bathing suits?” She shrugged walking over to her vanity to pack her makeup in her travel bag.
“Those are not a bathing suits. That’s rags colored in dye.” She said making her brunette haired daughter chuckle and roll her eyes.
“Mom, no one in Coachella is gonna see my birthday suit.” She responded looking at her mom’s disgusted face on the MacBook screen.
“Well other than Micheal!!” Her dad’s voice interrupted her trying to figure out what shade of foundation to bring. She never knew how tan she’d get in the different climates and it would be a monstrosity if she posted on YouTube or Instagram and her face was 4 shades lighter than her whole body.
“Shut up.” She chuckled as she packed a Fenty Bottle and Makeup Forever bottle.
‘Praying these are right’ She said a silent prayer.
Ana waved noticed Michel standing in the doorway holding Southy in his arms with Moose and her cocker spaniel, Sadie trailing behind him. Kailani turned around seeing him.
"You're like a cat. How did I not hear you." She smiled at her boyfriend who shrugged taking a seat on their shared bed.
"Hi Mrs. Smith" Micheal waved with Southy's paw making Kalani smile.
"Micheal honey you can call me Anna. I've told you this for 2 years now. The whole Mrs thing makes me feel older than I am."
“If the shoe fits then wear it momma.” She joked making Anna give her the bird.
They bid their goodbyes as she had to go, tired of hearing Micheal trying to wrestle the dogs to do what sounded like a trick.
“I’ll finish packing tomorrow before we leave. I have all my clothes packed just not bathroom stuff but it’d be pointless to pack them now.” She ran her fingers through his fringe as she sat on his lap.
“We should bleach my hair again before Coachella.” He suggested squeezing her ass. She knew what he really wanted.
“You just wanna fuck me under the shower.”
“Not completely, I also want my hair washed but that doesn’t sound bad either.”
“Fine.” She climbed off his lap and sauntered into the connected bathroom.
****
Kalani and Micheal stood underneath the warm shower water as she lathered some sort of deep conditioner with keratin and special oil designed for faux blondes in his hair before she could bleach it again if she wanted to make sure it was completely clean.
"The bottle said to wait 5 minutes before you can wash it out." She repeated the instructions on the purple bottle.
His hands wandered down her hips and close to her ass as she gave him a pointed look.
"That’s not what we're here for." She pointed her finger at his chest
"Y’know you could wash my hair since I was such a good girlfriend by washing yours and about to bleach it." She batted her full lashes at him who playfully rolled his eyes before turning Kalani towards him and lathering shampoo to wash her curls.
Small talk was the only thing that you could hear in the bathroom other than the running water.
They washed out all the product out of his and her hair before wrapping herself in a warm towel while Micheal stepped out of the bathroom to grab the hair dye and another towel.
He's been dying his hair ever since he was 16. He would consider himself a pro but likes when Kalani does it for him.
She grabbed the t shirt off of the counter that she stole from Micheal and her panties while she squeezed the water out her hair and threw in some deep hair mask to throw it up in a curly bun.
Micheal rolled the chair in front of the bathroom mirror and placed the dye in a bowl as Kalani read the instructions.
She placed some gloves on for protection of her skin and got to bleaching his hair. "This may burn." She warned him as she was splitting his hair into sections while he was mindlessly scrolling through Twitter when she was starting.
"I've dyed my hair probably 20 times in my life. Trust me it's fine. I’m immune to the burning sensation now.” He joked.
*****
After an hour of the smell of bleach and the sound Kalani and Micheal's laughter , they were finally in bed watching some episodes Chicago Fire that they've been missing out on.
She had one leg propped up and the other across his lap as he stroked her thigh making her bite her lip as to make it seem like his fingers brushing across her thighs didn't have a affect on her. As it very well did because of how she felt the dampness pool in her black panties.
"If you wanna eat my pussy all you have to do is ask." She finally spoke up during a boring scene in the show.
"I was waiting on those exact words." He said with a cheeky smile.
With that Micheal maneuvered himself to be in her thighs, facing her panties. He licked his lips in anticipation.
Kalani whined softly as he was teasing her clit with his tounge through the outside of her panties. "Please Mikey." Her doe eyes silently begged him.
“Someone’s impatient.”
He tugged them down her smooth legs and tossed them somewhere behind him as he was face to face with her swollen clit as his eyes got wider in adoration.
"Shit your pussy is so pretty my love." He kissed the insides of her thighs as she giggled. "Thank you."
With one lick, she was a moaning mess for him. He was maintaining eye contact with her and every time she wouldn't look at him he would go slower with eating her out. It wasn't long before she started pulling on his hair as he was sucking on her clit making her eyes close in pleasure.
"That feel good baby?," He asked huskily as she could visibly see her own wetness on his beard.
She shakily sighed. "Fuck it feels so good."
With his middle and ring finger he started to slowly finger her while sucking on her clit, her hips jutting up every time he curled his fingers against her sweet spot.
"Shit I'm gonna come." She panted. She pushed his head deeper into her trying to get more of his mouth.
“I know." He cooed, the vibrations of his voice sending her over the edge.
She screamed his name in pure ecstasy multiple times as he pulled his fingers out of her and slowly licked her clean, avoiding her clit as he knew it was too sensitive. He gave her clit one last kiss before laying back next to her.
"I love you." She stretched over her to peck his lips. They kissed for what seemed like hours.
"I can't wait to fuck you at Coachella. To a weekend of great music and even better sex." He said excitedly running his hands over her ass.
"And spending time with your band members while I have girl time!" she playfully hit his tattooed arm as they both went into a deep sleep tangled together.
#5sos fanfic#micheal clifford smut#luke hemmings#micheal clifford#5sos#ashton irwin#calum hood#micheal 5sos#micheal clifford fanfic#micheal clifford imagine
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Chomping at the bit to compare notes with this Sister comic series and know what's getting canonized on both of our ends.
For example, I'm taking this New England thing and running with it. She's absolutely from Southie, now. She went to elementary school with Donny's niece and nephews. They probably know all about the girl who got pulled out of school for getting caught witching a bully to near-death. They probably thought it was awesome and are sad they didn't really know her better before she moved/changed schools.
Her accent was hilarious until one day, probably Minthe was like, "I can't believe you sound Like That," and she immediately became a middle-aged dominatrix with a mid-atlantic accent at like 11 years old. (She has never forgiven herself for sounding Like That when she and Nihil met at the talent show.)
#ghost#and anything that doesn't fit#is the PROPO she wanted out there#so that no one would know her real backstory
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the way you type reminds me so much of my ex. we are still friends and all, this is not by any means an insult, its just wild to me lol whenever i see your tags on a post i need to do a double take
lmaooo is it the internet poisoning
because i have a pretty strong tumblr accent with traces of 4chan that i try not to let slip out a la a social climber from southie getting a job in boston proper
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Another criminal minds episode that just goes off the deep end on ‘we are in Boston’ like ITS A LITTLE FUNNY
The accents are soooo bad, every five seconds it’s ‘the T’, ‘tHaTs nOt ThE wAy tO DorCHeStEr’, ‘wicked’, ‘insert sports team here’, ‘Irish working class’, ‘high number of sexual predators’, ‘the hArbAr’, ‘Corrupt Catholic schools’, ‘Whole Foods gentrification’ and like I genuinely have not heard someone refer to South Boston as ‘Southie’ in over a decade, I don’t even think my dad says that one.
I have legitimately no idea why they go This hard with Boston. Are they doing it with other cities and I’m just not catching it? Who is doing this research? Why Boston in particular? So many unanswered questions.
#criminal minds#idk this one detective is getting on my nerves cause her accent is ssoooo exaggerated#ARE THEY DOING THIS WITH EVERY CITY???
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i know u don’t post much abt graves on here, but re audio recs do u know anyone that sounds like him? honestly anyone with a southern accent would work i think lol
This voice is too deep but I do like the way Dominic does a southern accent
Southie’s octave range is a lot closer, but his southern accent is very very subtle and may be undetectable depending on the script he’s using imo
HarvestPyromania can also serviceably do a fake southern accent
Also ignore the amount of audios I’ve linked related to being a little cow girl and/or being with a big bull man. It doesn’t mean anything I swear
Edit: ALSO I am totally willing to write for graves and get to know him but no one really seems to want him lol similar to nikto his fans are seemingly few and quiet
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I need to post more about my ridiculous mob OCs, but it's extremely important to do so in a way that constantly reminds everyone that one of them has the thickest Boston accent this side of Southie and that the other one is down bad for him anyway
#lou sounds like an extra in the departed and i need that to be very clear from the beginning#he is not a ny gangster#he does not sound cool#the vernacular#my ocs
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