#Sorry if my intro got a little tmi

[softspace-fics]

Sorry about the other request I got REALLY excited and turned trauma dump so just know I'm sorry for the tmi lol thank you for listening to me ramble (also completely unrelated you should write for Tony and strange with a little reader and little peter)

-🦄

Safe place.

A/N - So this request took so long to think of something because I just didn't know how I wanted to portray them, but I think I love this fic so much.

Stephen strange x Tony start + Little!Peter and Little!reader

Masterlist - all my work!

Warnings ⚠️ - FLUFFFFF!! and a little bit of sadness, and reference to bad childhood, but nothing extensive.

__________

Safe places, seen to many as the only place one can be themselves. In some cases, there's no such thing as a safe place, and some have never known the feeling of being truly safe.

You never had a safe place, for most of your life, you were on your own. The moment you knew how to make the most basic meal, your parents left you to fend for yourself basically. So when you met your caregivers, it was such an eye opening experience, for not only them, but for you too.

You had known each other for years prior to them adding you to their family with Peter, and it took a long time before you were completely comfortable letting them take care of you, but soon enough, you did.

Toddling through the room, you see Peter off in his own little corner, seeing how many webs it will take to stick all his blocks he's collected together, and your two caregivers are busy as your papa shows your dada his new tech he built.

You continue to wander through, your pacifier securely between your lips, your little blabbles muted behind it. Your little stuffie friend clutches perfectly to your chest as you climb into your play tent, where more of your friends sit, waiting for you to say hello. Your tablet lays right where you left it when your dada grabbed you for lunch just an hour earlier, ready for your little hands to come and turn on your favorite cartoon.

You grab your favorite blanket, curling into your stuffies safe embrace and safely covered by the soft fabric of your blanket. The music from the intro of your cartoon sounds through your tent, and your eyes light up with joy.

Minutes pass, and halfway through your episode, a shuffle is heard from outside your tent and then peters head peaks through.

“Cuddles?” He softly asks, his eyes begging for snuggles and human contact.

You nod and open your blanket, your normally hyper playmate, cuddled in closely to you, holding you safely in his arms, watching your show alongside you. The two of you mumble some words every now and then, up until the soft snores came from your twin flame, your soft music from your show lulling him to sleep.

Around 2 episodes after Peter falls asleep, quiet footsteps are heard outside your tent, and then a soft knock on the floor just outside the tents walls was heard, alerting your attention. You shift slightly, but not enough to wake Peter as you see your dada peeking in, checking on the two of you.

There would have been a time where a caregiver checking on you would have caused fear and you would have started to tremble, but in this case, part of you wanted to just be engulfed in his arms.

“He asleep?” Dada strange asks you. You slowly nod your head, in an attempt not to wake the boy currently under your head, soundly asleep.

Strange nods his head in a gesture to let you know to carefully climb out of your tent and come to the living room before he gets up from your tent, asking your papa to grab Peter shortly after get you out of the tent. You sit up carefully, placing your tablet back where you found it and carefully tucking your brother under your blanket before taking your stuffie and yourself out to your dada.

Once you're out of your tent you happily toddle back over to him before he protectively picks you up, kissing your forehead and holding you tightly. Your papa eventually appears with your brother wrapped in his favorite blanket, and your favorite blanket securely on your papas shoulder, ready to be given back to you.

Safety was always a concern to you, as you grew up, and even when you got to your big world, it was always a rocky apartment, or a creepy neighbor, or just the instability of the world.

But as your papa hands your blanket over to your dada, and he quickly burritos you in his arms, giving you kisses as he does, you feel a sense of safety you’ve never truly found anywhere else. Your sense of safety grows as jarvis lowers the lights and your caregivers settle you and your brother in their arms. Jarvis puts on your favorite movie, seeing as you're the little one who's awake, giving you the ability to cuddle into your dada and completely relax.

Your breathing begins to even out about a quarter of the way through the movie, as your own dream land takes over your mind. Your dada gently plays with your hair, keeping you safe and sound in his arms.

Safe Places aren't known to all, and some may never have a safe place. But you have found yours, and you knew it.

[goddamnitkastle]

Far From The Shallow Now

Happy #KastleChristmas!

My gift is for @kastlequill, who gave me free reign to do pretty much whatever I wanted (just had to be sfw) so that was deeply appreciated, thank you. So yeah it ended up becoming my long awaited return to writing fic for this ship! Yay!

I am really proud that I was able to make this happen cause life currently sucks for me at the moment and having any motivation/will to live is so fucking hard for me right now! Nevertheless deadlines are great! And so is this fandom!

So this was inspired by 2018′s A Star Is Born, particularly the scene in which Jackson (Bradley Cooper) whisks Ally (Lady Gaga) away from a cop bar after she punches a guy in the face (it was awesome) who was being a dick to Jackson. From there, he takes her to a CVS/Duane Reade/Walgreens/whatever to get frozen peas for her hand and they bond/begin to fall in love in the parking lot.

My immediate thought after seeing this was that I needed to write a Kastle version of it and now here we are. It is not the scene verbatim or an AU but rather a twist on it done in canon-ish (it’s suppose to take place post DDS3), true to Kastle fashion. 

Alright I think I blabbed for long enough.

Enjoy!

She doesn’t remember leaving the bar. She doesn’t remember Frank’s hand on the small of her back as they quickly got into his van. She doesn’t even remember her fist connecting to the asshole’s jaw when he tried to strong arm her.

But then it hits her. Frank is pulling into a parking lot when Karen’s hand flares up in pain. She looks down, her knuckles bright red and fingers swollen.

“Come on, Rocky.”

“Jesus Christ.”

The pain is angry and seething as they walk into the Duane Reade.

“Frank this is ridiculous, I have a first aid kit at home.”

“Doesn’t matter. If we don’t get the swelling down now you could fuck up your hand pretty bad.”

“Look I’m...”

The pain shoots through her arm and Karen lets out a pained ah.

“You were saying?”

Karen closes her mouth as they approach the freezer section. He grabs a bag of peas and turns to her.

“This is gonna sting.”

He gently places the bag on her hand. It does sting but the relief is worth it. He lifts it away, his eyes honed in on her fingers.

“Okay put your hands side by side for me, yeah?” He instructs as he reaches for her other hand. His fingertips are calloused but gentle, almost featherlight against her wrist bones. Karen bites her lip to suppress the gasp that formed at his touch.

“Now move your good hand.”

She does and her knuckles crack.

“Been typing all day huh?”

“Yeah. There’s been a lot of paperwork for our new office space.” Karen chuckles.

“I know you were telling me before that piece of shit... don’t matter, now try with the other...”

And no surprise Karen barely can.

“Okay yeah keep the peas on it. Don’t want you to lose your way with words. I’ll go get some gauze.”

She smiles as he stomps down the aisle, intent on finding the gauze when he looks over at the potato chip selection. He grabs a bag of Cheetos without hesitation.

“Cheetos?”

“What? You were saying back at the bar how you haven’t eaten all day.”

She shakes her head and follows him.

The cashier barely registers their slightly haphazard appearances. Her holding a bag of of peas on her hand and him with his wild, outgrown hair and beard.

(He’s been saying for weeks now how he needs to get a cut. Karen has been secretly hoping he’ll never get around to it.)

They check out and head back to the van. He opens the sliding door for her and motions for her to sit. He tosses the Cheetos in the front seat and starts taking the gauze out of the packaging. A few moments of silence pass as Frank wraps her hand.

“There that should do it.”

Karen’s bandaged hand falls into her lap as Frank takes a seat beside her.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

The streets are abnormally quiet, with the occasional car and passerby. Only then does Karen realize how late it is.

“How long?”

She knew it wouldn’t be long before he asked.

“How long what?”

“That been going on for? Assholes getting in your face.”

“Um, pretty much from the start, when I was at the Bulletin. It was never that bad until Fisk got out of jail but I guess he still...”

“Has it out for you.” Frank finishes as he scratches his beard.

“Yeah.”

“And this was cause you got in his face? Right? You said, uh...”

“Yeah it was while you were gone. I was trying to get him to attack me but it backfired. It was reckless and stupid and...”

“It was. You scared the shit out of me when you told me.”

“Frank I don’t...”

“Why would you do that? Just throw yourself into the line of fire like that?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Okay? He’s gone... for now. And you’re here.”

She knows he wants to press on but he restrains himself. For now anyway.

“That was a decent punch by the way.”

She turns her head to him, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, clearly.” She emphasizes with her injured hand.

“Hey you got him that’s what counts.”

They’re both laughing. It doesn’t last long though and it’s quiet again.

“Why didn’t you call Karen? When that was all going down?”

“Frank...”

“I would’ve came. You know that, right?”

“Of course I know that. Look you said you needed to get away and I didn’t want to ruin that.”

“You wouldn’t have ruined...”

“Frank Castle needs a chance to live. Not the Punisher.”

Frank scoffs and gets up.

“Frank Castle won’t survive if people he cares about get needlessly killed.”

“I know but it wasn’t your fight.”

He turns to her, visibly upset.

“The hell it is. I told you about what went down between me and Fisk when I was in Rikers. I have just as much stake in this as you and Nelson and Murdock...”

He draws out the Murdock and Karen has to fight the urge to roll her eyes.

“Frank I told you I didn’t want to talk about this...”

“Too fucking bad we are.”

His cutoff startles her and he knows it did. He raises his hand but retreats it immediately. He takes a breath, mutters a string of words; unintelligible and soft. Karen cradles her hand, the peas have gone lukewarm. A car horn blares in the distance, breaking the awkward pause.

“Karen I... I promised you that I was never gonna let anything happen to you...”

“You’re not always gonna be there Frank...”

“Maybe I want to be.”

He clenches his jaw and Karen knows she looks dumbstruck to him.

“Look when I left... it wasn’t cause of Russo or Rawlins or all that shit. I left... cause I’ve been scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of me. Of this, us. There’s something here Karen. And don’t go saying that there ain’t something cause I’m not gonna fucking hear it okay? You spoke of an after and I didn’t want to hear it then but...”

He’s close now, her knees slightly brushing against his. He looks down, half in shadow and half illuminated by harsh fluorescents.

“But?”

“Let’s just go into this together? Dive in, yeah? I’m not good with words but you were there... you believed in me when no one else did. I want to be the same for you.”

He gets on his knees, his hands gripping the floor of the van.

“Frank, I’m afraid that whatever we do beyond... this... I ruin things. I try and I try but I just...”

“Hey. Hey.” He places his hands on top in her thighs.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

She feels it again. The pull she felt when they were in the elevator. She couldn’t control herself then and she concludes right then and there that she never could with him.

Their foreheads meet and it’s the closest feeling to home that Karen has had in a long time.

“I was never one for the shallow end of the pool. I always went for the deep end.”

“You’re a swimmer?”

“Not competitively. Just during the summers at my grandparents’ house in upstate New York.”

He smiles and she smiles and there’s this click, like the universe has finally snapped itself back into its proper place.

“Can I tell you a secret?” He asks after a while. They’re still sitting in the van. He’s been running his fingers down her open palm, cradling the makeshift ice pack he made for her in his lap.

“Yeah?”

“I think we’re gonna be fine. But I’m warning you now, I’m not the best at keeping secrets.”

Before he can spill another one she silences him with a kiss.

[bucksblr]

tagged by @leonzhng​ thanks for making me dig through my most embarrassing crushes 😭✋

i’ll tag @highwarlockkareena​ @yibobibo​ @lan-xichens​ @purplexedhuman​ @aheartfullofjolllly​ @lanzhansmiles​ @nyx4​ i feel like i tag you guys in everything i am so sorry please ignore this if u don’t wanna do it !!

putting this under a read more for reasons

MEN 2010 – 2016

literally nothing more embarrassing than falling on the same type of white man over and over again (with the exception of minho from shinee bless his heart)

tommy joe ratliff → he was the bass player for adam lambert during his glamnation era (think of songs like for your entertainment and if i had you) idk why exactly i liked him so much but i just did.... however i searched him up again quite recently and found out he’s one of those republicans that says the dumbest shit on twitter so Big Yikes

harry styles → “baby you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed, and when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell...” and BOOM 13-year-old me was sold for well over two years

louis tomlinson → basically i liked harry most until around 2013 when for some reason i started to like him a little less, and i got more focused on louis tomlinson, and although i didn’t like one direction anymore louis tomlinson always had a special place in my heart

ashton irwin → so ashton is 5sos’ drummer, i discovered 5sos through one direction & i stanned them until late 2014

harries twins → the harries twins (jack & finn) are basically the reason i started spending a lot of time on youtube, they were funny and pretty and they just had good videos in general, so for almost two years i’d watch their content regularly

choi minho → my first steps into kpop happened bc i was watching videos on youtube (most probably the harries twins) and suddenly i saw the sherlock mv in my recommended videos so i clicked on it and then 14-year-old me proceeded to fall for minho like an idiot

brooks twins → still youtubers, the brooks twins were 3/5 of the janoskians (jai & luke brooks, beau brooks, daniel sahyounie, & james yammouni), an australian youtube comedy group that was active from 2011-2018 though i was only around from 2012-2014 (when jai brooks was dating ariana grande)

jc caylen → surprise! another youtuber! jc caylen was part of o2l (our2ndlife) a youtube collaboration channel on which each of the 6 members posted videos on a certain day in the week (mondays with connor, tuesdays with ricky, wednesdays with sam, thursdays with jc, fridays with trevi (my 2nd favorite member bc she participated on the x factor), saturdays with ricardo, and then they had surprise sundays every week) and i remember how much joy jc & the others always brought me with their silly videos

misha collins → up next, you might know him as the gay angel that was sent to superhell after confessing his love to the homophobic hunter on supernatural, it’s misha collins! basically misha was a huge source of comfort for me, and i even went around calling myself emmisha for almost two full years (cringe)

henrik holm → he played even bech naesheim in skam and my crush on him reached that level of ridiculousness where i actually tried my hand at learning norwegian (i can only remember how to introduce myself and some curse words i would make a great first impression on him)

MEN 2016 – 2021

min yoongi → okay so my baby steps into kpop happened through shinee’s sherlock, but i only got really invested when yoongi dropped agust d 1 because Holy Fuck y’know??

kim namjoon → oh man i remember thinking namjoon was cute and a very good leader and then BAM he dressed like THAT at the 2016 mma’s and i fell in love. hard

park seojoon → i started liking park seojoon whilst i was watching hwarang (you guessed it, i watched it bc of taehyung), although he wasn’t my favorite character by far, but he was very silly off camera & i liked that (i’m not that into him anymore tho </3)

kim seokjin → OH BOY LET ME TELL U i liked seokjin from the very beginning (i got to know bts in late 2014) and i always liked seeing him perform and be himself and god once i realized i had a crush on him it just hit me like a mf truck, and he’s still one of my favorite people to this day

jung hoseok → god fake love era hoseok really hits different.... also yes i know i have all of bts’ hyung line on my list BUT bts was a really big part of my life for almost 6 years soooo honestly they deserve it i still think they’re great guys

choi san → when ateez made their debut in 2018 i immediately fell in love with san, he was such an amazing dancer and he captivated me right from the very beginning, to this day he’s still my bias in ateez uwu

xiao zhan → AND THEN, OCTOBER OF 2019 HAPPENS AND I WATCH CQL AND... i fall in love with xiao zhan, something i’d never expected would happen bc when i watched cql for the first time i wasn’t as invested in the story, but i really really really liked xiao zhan and one thing led to another and now here i am as a xfx

wang yibo → the thing is, i’ve known yibo since eoeo except i didn’t know cql yibo was uniq yibo (bc i’d forgotten his name) and when i looked it up i can tell you my jaw dropped to the floor bc holy shit????? also he is very silly and i love him loads ok

lee minho → ah, the man who has been my skz bias since 2018, not only is minho my bias i also kin him (there’s a lot of aspects of myself that i see in minho and vice versa) and he’s very comforting to me

bang chan → honestly, it was only a matter of time before i’d fall for bang chan, i knew the moment i got into skz again that i’d start biasing him and, well, here i am, double biasing chan & minho

WOMEN

this list is shorter bc i’ve in general always had less crushes on women than on men??? blame society forcing me into thinking i was straight for a LONG time

ariana grande → remember the 2011 layout of twitter?? where u could not only have an icon and a header, but also a background and ur twitter page was smack in the center of ur screen with the big ugly menu bar at the top??? yeah ariana grande was always my background for my l*rr* st*l*n*s*n layouts

perrie edwards → this was right around the time she was dating zayn & little mix was breaking out into the spotlight, yeah i just really loved her

andrea russett → okay so remember o2l?? andrea russett was kian’s girlfriend for a pretty long time and they always did videos together and i always thought she was super pretty

lily collins → maybe i don’t like clary in tmi all that much but i sure liked the way lily collins looked

alona tal → MY BISEXUAL AWAKENING, it’s only when i saw alona tal in spn that i realized, fuck i might be gay

park jihyo → i discovered twice (my 2nd jype group after day6) through the like ooh-ahh mv and red-haired jihyo really did something to my heart (i just rewatched it and god zombie bang chan is so mf cute)

kim jisoo → when bp made their square two comeback i was immediately smitten for red-haired jisoo in playing with fire, it’s also when i realized she was my bias out of the four members

shin ryujin → the reason that i have blue hair is partially bc of ryujin and her amazing intro in wannabe :D

xuan lu → her portrayal of jiang yanli was SO ON POINT and she’s just such a kindhearted wonderful person wow i want her hand in marriage

lee yoobin → god i’ve known dreamcatcher from back when they were still called minx and ever since i’ve always looked at dami that bit more than the rest, i was also able to see dreamcatcher live in october of 2019 and the whole experience was just so amazing !!

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

there’s a whole lot more than just these 10 but i wanted to fit the evolution into one (1) slide as best as i could lmao

peter pan → this movie came out in 2003 (?) and he’s honestly the first fictional character i remember ever having a crush on

legolas → i was really doubting between placing haldir or legolas here but i only really got a vague haldir obsession when i was like 14

zuko → LOOK. ZUKO IN ATLA? HOT. ZUKO IN LOK? HOT EVEN IF HE’S AN OLD MAN.

will turner → man was annoying sometimes but i really liked him and his relationship with elizabeth was cute

jo harvelle → gosh i can’t believe she’s the only female character in here???? yeah she was one of my two spn faves and i’ll never forgive the screenwriters for the way they killed her off

castiel → does your fave ever get sent to super hell for being gay? no? well. mine did

kili → fili and kili’s storyline tore my heart out, spit on it, and then laughed straight in my face, KILI WAS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE DWARF

howl → i only watched this movie for the first time in 2020 so i kinda fucked up the tl cause i watched cql in 2019 but shh, anyways howl with his blonde hair was good looking but howl with his black hair just hits differently. i want a howl

lan jingyi → MY BABY BOY, TINIE LITTLE BABIE WHOMST I MUST PROTECT ok no but seriously this kid. i love him a lot

mu qing → BARK BARK. that’s all (that’s not all i love him a whole lot and it hurts me to see so many people misunderstand his character and only see the bad parts of him when they can forgive others for fucking up (eg. xie lian himself & feng xin) but bc mu qing doesn’t deal well with emotions suddenly he’s the bad guy??? i s2g if ppl are gonna do to him what they did to jiang cheng in the tgcf la i will RIOT)

[neonhelper]

hi i'm sorry if this is an odd question to ask but i'm sort of new to roleplay and recently found out about sex/smut roleplay. do people get off or something when they do smut? i'm just not really sure the point of it and i don't know if i'm better off asking for a fade-to-black. i don't mind writing it for the actual writing aspect but i'm not really comfortable with someone masturbating or what ever. i'm sorry if this was a gross question or TMI by the way

Hi! It’s not an odd or gross question at all! Before I get into it, a bit of disclosure: I haven’t written any smut in at least... five years? Probably more. No real reason why. But, I used to write it a lot. I say this to say I do have some (dated) experience in writing smut in independent rp and group rp settings, but I got nothing on the specifics on the exclusively smut rp community, which is beyond me. 

I think there’s probably two general reasons people write smut when they rp. The more common reason is for characterization purposes. Sex and sexuality can be a big part of a character’s identity, and writing smut is one way writers can learn more about their characters and develop relationships and plots for their characters. I haven’t written any smut in years, but when I did, it was fully for ship and characterization purposes. I’d write it because my muse’s relationship had developed to the point where sex was the next step for them, and incorporating it opened another level of their relationship. I’d write it because the plot my character was in was homewrecking and passionate and me and more partner were cool with writing out the details. But I mostly wrote it because it was fun. I had a lot of fun writing it, and I was comfortable writing it. I initially started writing it because it was something new for me and I was curious and wanted to develop my writing skills more in the genre, but I quickly came to like how writing it helped me find out more about my characters: their interests, their reactions to things, and how their characterization impacted this element of their life (what were their limits? their kinks? their past experiences? what did they consider to be intimate and what was more casual?). This post here kinda sums the general attitude up nicely. And that’s a major reason why some people choose to write smut: to develop their characters and because they’re comfortable with writing it.

However, as you asked, yes, there are people who write smut to get off. It comes with the territory, unfortunately. And I’m not experienced enough in the tumblr smut rp community to give any relevant tips on how to tell these people apart from the people who are writing it for well-intentioned purposes. But back in the day, when I was writing smut more regularly on different platforms before I came to tumblr, the way I could tell when someone wanted to write it to get off was in the way they tended to put smut above everything else. The writing usually wasn’t as nuanced. They liked to use platforms like Chatzys where they could count on quick replies. The details of the character didn’t matter as much as the act. All their threads ended in smut. It was more obvious to tell, then. Now, I’m a bit too far removed to know if there are any more relevant ways to tell. 

The most important thing to know is that writing smut is a choice. It is not a necessity to have a successful ship, or to engage in plots involving sex. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to fade to black. When it comes to writing smut, it comes down to how comfortable you are with writing it, and how comfortable you are with your partner. If you feel like you don’t know what their intentions are when they’re writing it, then just let them know you want to fade to black. If you’re comfortable writing it with them, discuss it with your partner and figure out how far you plan for your characters to go before writing it. I’d generally advise staying clear of the smut rp community/tags entirely, just because it is a smut-centered community and there are inevitably gonna be a good amount of people mixed in there who are writing it to get off. But in general groups and independent rp circles, you’re usually gonna come across less people in it for getting off and more in it for writing purposes. Independent roleplayers will usually have a smut rule in their rules detailing what they’re comfortable with upfront, while in groups, you can add a little note to your intros that you’re not big on writing smut if you’d like to put an extra barrier out there to keep the nasties away. 

It all boils down to your comfort level. Writing smut, fading to black, not putting your characters in the situation at all - that’s all up to you, and what you feel comfortable writing. Communication is key. Talk with your partner. Tell them your comfort levels, and find out what their comfort levels are. If they’re a new partner and you’re not comfortable enough with them yet, tell them you want to fade to black. If they’re a decent human being, they’ll be cool with it. If they try to persuade you, drop them.

If you are interested in writing smut and exploring that, cool! I have a tag here that’s filled with guides that can help you out. Remember to make sure your partner’s not a minor. If you’re not interested, also cool! I feel like this was a hot button topic on my dash a little while ago, so if anyone has anything to add on the subject, or any tips/tricks on how to suss out who’s writing smut to get off, please feel free to reply to this/message me/let me know and I’ll add it to this post for this anon here!

[anjibooks]

Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare (Book Review)

I'm just going to jump right into the review as I am feeling too lazy to really think out an intro, sorry. I have some mixed feelings about this book-- it's definitely my least favorite of Cassie's conclusion novels. Usually she's a goddess at writing the most satisfying and glorious conclusions, but here I found the finale somewhat lacking. The main reason for this is due to the fact that Cassie spent so much time setting up for her Wicked Powers series with the younger characters that there were way too many new issues opened and way too many loose ends created in this book. Like Cassie spent A LOT of time with Ty, Dru and Kit (lol I forgot what his nickname was and was like Chris? That doesn't sound right...) and creating tensions, plot lines and dramas there that are clear set ups for a series that is not this one. Usually Cassie's set ups or hints to other things are more subtle, and flow better with the story, yet this time it just made this book feel like another book in a series instead of a satisfying finale. A lot of people had issues with Clary and Jace's involvement in this book, but I would actually argue their parts were some of the best-- though, I may be completely biased seeing as I live for Jace and Clary. Like wow, wait... maybe I should save that comment for the spoilers section lol, but let it be out there that I have absolutely no issue with my TMI characters being involved in these or future books. So my biggest issue was with all the set up for another series, but the other thing that irked me was something that was supposed to irk me: Horace Dearborn and his biggoted followers. It's not at all subtle what Cassie is alluding to, and while I applaud her for adding her own social commentary, I found the big presence of Dearborn and his followers and what they were working for all together extremely depressing and irritating. Like I get it-- I KNOW that the political situation sucks in America, I couldn't agree with Cassie more on that, but I kinda read books to escape the real world, so reading a situation paralleling with what we're already dealing with just was depressing and irritating (as I already stated many times). This whole thing with the Cohort was also irritating because HOW DID NO ONE COMPARE HIM TO VALENTINE WHO WAS EVIL AND EVERYONE ABSOLUTELY HATES? Like they're the exact same, they even both hated downworlders?? Ugh. People were also making a shit ton of hasty, dumb decisions that got them into bad situations, which irked me as well. Actually, a lot of things just felt rushed in general, it was strange. There was also a LOT of drama in this book, and not the normal of level that felt actually enjoyable-- like a little too much. It just pushed certain things, which made the whole thing feel extremely melodramatic, especially the Julian-Emma situation. Okay, these are all my issues with it, but let me just remind y'all it's a Cassandra Clare novel-- obviously it's good! 8/10 stars, just there were some issues that stood out to me. OF course, it still had all the classic Cassandra Clare blending of action, relationships and characters that made a fantastic novel. It's just that I hold Cassie to on another level for ratings, which isn't exactly fair, but she's proven time and time again that she is a stellar author. Anyway, here's the synopsis: Dark secrets and forbidden love threaten the very survival of the Shadowhunters in Cassandra Clare’s Queen of Air and Darkness, the final novel in The Dark Artifices trilogy. What if damnation is the price of true love? Innocent blood has been spilled on the steps of the Council Hall, the sacred stronghold of the Shadowhunters. In the wake of the tragic death of Livia Blackthorn, the Clave teeters on the brink of civil war. One fragment of the Blackthorn family flees to Los Angeles, seeking to discover the source of the disease that is destroying the race of warlocks. Meanwhile, Julian and Emma take desperate measures to put their forbidden love aside and undertake a perilous mission to Faerie to retrieve the Black Volume of the Dead. What they find in the Courts is a secret that may tear the Shadow World asunder and open a dark path into a future they could never have imagined. Caught in a race against time, Emma and Julian must save the world of Shadowhunters before the deadly power of the parabatai curse destroys them and everyone they love. And here's the spoiler section of my thoughts on the novel: Okay, so I feel like the conflict all came down to Emma and Julian turning into nephilim, and it was epic how they utterly DESTROYEd everything but...I feel like they got off wayy to easy. Like the whole forbidden love has been pushed on us since page 1, but there were no consequences from anyone after the big fight and I felt like it was all too easy. Maybe this is just because I'm biased, but the whole Thule situation where the TDA crew fought felt blasphemous. Like uhhh ONLY the TMI crew can kill Sebastian. And also the fact that it said Julian was fighting toe-to-toe with Jace felt like a joke to me. Like Jace normally is already one of the best warriors there is, but since he has angel blood he is legit like the best fighter. Julian wouldn't stand a chance. Also blasphemous-- Zara using Cortana. Like, no, sweetie fuck off. Oh yeah, and the ending with everyone leaving Alicante was just annoying and an extremely obvious set up for more to come. Like this book would've been SO much better had it not been marketed as a conclusion. Kind of a similar situation to ACOWAR, actually. Basically my all time favorite parts of this novel were with all the old cast, which is bad, I know, but I'm just so partial to those characters. Like Alec proposing gave me the will to live ahh. And then when Clary cries and Jace wonders what he did wrong this time for the proposal! I LOVE THEM. OH MY GOD. lIKE AH. And then Thule Jace showed up and wanted Clary and... excussee me? leave my Jace ALONE. Lol, but seriously, my biggest investment in the next series is still about Jace and Clary... whoops. Thanks for reading, ​Anji

[pellicano-sanguino]

I was recently made aware of the fact that there's a freaking Dragonlance musical (yes, made all the way back in 2014, I'm late on the news). It's uploaded to Youtube in full (according to them, it's uploaded with the permission of the creators) and with subtitles (it's a Russian production).

I went in expecting it to be just as badly made and cringeworthy as the animated movie, and I was motivated to watch it purely by nostalgic feelings about the books (they were the first fantasy books I read) and general interest in musical theater. But turns out I...   actually liked it??? Not in a so-bad-it's-good kind of way, I genuinely found it enjoyable. What an unexpected turn of events.

Heh. Quality subtitles.

Disclaimer: It's been ages since read the books, so if I remember something wrong, feel free to correct me.

Now, this is not the next Phantom or Elisabeth or anything like that. This seems to be a rather small production. The props and effect are minimalistic and cheap, looking more like a bunch of larpers than actors (not saying larpers can't have great props, I used to larp myself when I was younger). The singing carries the story, there is very little spoken dialogue and the actors don't dance. We do get a bunch of background dancers, who at first seem really out of place crawling on the floor while the main actors just stand there and sing.

I'm also going to point out that the Dragonlance books are not the easiest or most obvious choice for a story to be adapted into a musical. These books have long, complicated plots that often arch over several books and have a whole bunch of characters. Also, being able to open the vast world and history of Krynn to an audience who may not have read a single book is challenging. Not gonna lie, I am unsure how much someone without any prior knowledge of the series will get out of this show. They do plot explaining surprisingly well but there are plenty of times where you're going to be a bit confused if you don't know the backstory.

The musical's name is The Last Trial, and it's (somewhat loosely) based on the Legends-series, describing the rise and fall of the dark wizard Raistlin Majere, who is probably the most popular Dragonlance character ever. Well, it's a wise choice, since you can tell this story with a slightly smaller cast and don't have to prop dragons. However, I question one thing. You're really going to make a musical about Raistlin? One of his trademark characteristics is his failing health, his violent, chronic cough, resulting in a creepy, raspy voice. And this is the guy you're gonna make sing.

More quality subtitles.

Oh yeah, and another thing I'm going to have to question. Are we really making this a love story? I mean, yeah, I get that all that happens between Raistlin and Crysania does also happen in the books, but I never saw any kind of romance between them. All I saw was a heartless bastard manipulating the feelings of a sensitive and naive woman. The impression I got of Raistlin from the books was a person who's asexual, aromantic and hates everyone (and who's not handsome by any standards, but rather creepy looking, especially his eyes). Not a romantic hero at all. But hey, I can kinda understand the appeal (after all, I do like such musicals as Phantom and Elisabeth, so I can totally see why a cruel and cold character gets all the fangirls; everybody likes bad boys).

The musical opens with a short introduction of this story's Greek Choir-character, Astinus. Astinus is tasked with recording the history of Krynn so he makes a good plot exposition role. I recall there being some hints that he might not be fully mortal. After the intro, stage lights reveal a violin player, who begins to play the musical's theme. The violin player stands out a little, since she's wearing modern clothes despite the story being set in a medieval-ish world. But I got to admit, the music is very, very nice, with a rather calm melody that fits the setting of a magical world of fantasy very well. This could easily be soundtrack for a fantasy movie. The beautiful music is what made me like this show.

Speaking of music, it's time for the main character to deliver the show's first song. Despite rolling my eyes at the thought of Raistlin singing with his ruined voice earlier, I have to admit, they chose the actor really well. There are at least two castings (maybe even more) of this show, and the one I saw, had Evgeny Ergorov playing Raistlin. His voice is very pleasant to listen and it carries hints of ambition, arrogance and of a powerful will that is calm and calculating but under its seeming calmness also very dangerous. I am surprised how quickly I accepted the fact that Raistlin can sing and that instead of having a voice that mirrors his suffering he has a voice that mirrors his might. The lyrics being in Russian helps, being sung in a language I don't speak a word of makes everything sound more magical and poetic. There is certain lyrical beauty to Russian and it fits the songs perfectly (obviously, since the songs were written to be sang in this language).

If we handwave the fact that Evgeny is way too pretty to be playing Raistlin (I'm presuming he's not that bad looking by het standards here, as a lesbian I'm not really the person to be judging male beauty), he looks the part and gets nicely into character. He has Raistlin's prematurely grayed hair, black robes and the staff with a glowing gem held by dragon claws. The musical goes out of its way to disrobe him, though, probably as a fanservice thing (robes really don't let you see his body well...). In the books I don't recall him ever wearing anything else, the mages in Dragonlance wore their robes everywhere like uniforms. Oh well, if wizards can prance around in muggle clothes in the Harry Potter movies, we can do the same here.

Evgeny has a rather strong stage presence. His eyes, while not as creepy as in the books, cast a very cold and powerful gaze, judging everything with distaste and cynicism but never underestimating anything in his arrogance. This Raistlin is full of pride but not blinded or hindered by it. The only trademark part of his character that I consider to be missing is his failing physical health, that creates an opposite to his powerful mind and allows him to manipulate people by using the compassion they feel when seeing a sick, suffering man. Many more prideful men would be insulted when offered help and proclaim that they can take care of themself, but Raistlin never does this; he relies on the help of others whenever it's convenient and never considers such a thing to be below the world's greatest wizard.

Astinus appears again and explains the next song number to the audience. In the war preceding the events in this show, Raistlin fought with a bunch of other heroes to defeat a dark dragon goddess called Takhisis, the primordial source of evil in the Dragonlance pantheon of gods. According to the musical, Raistlin's role was to work as a double agent – he swore an oath to Takhisis and became her servant only to stab her in the back so she could be sealed away in Abyss.  It's been ages since I read the books, so I can't tell if this is how it really went. My faint memories claim it wasn't quite like that, but this is what the musical tells us so let's just go with it. Takhisis, the highest ranking of all the evil gods, is trapped in Abyss, but she still plots her escape and bears grudge to Raistlin. She can't enter the world of mortals in the waking world, but she can appear in their dreams.

Like evil, Takhisis takes many faces aside from her iconic multiheaded dragon queen form. She invades Raistlin's dreams in the form of the Dark Lady and torments him with nightmares and ominous predictions that he'll one day be her servant again and open the gate of her prison. In this version, Takhisis is played by Vera Zoodena. And wow. Just...  wow.

Her Dark Majesty can easily be interpreted as a kinda succubus-like, sexy and seductive femme fatale (because god forbid we have evil female characters who aren't overly sexualized...). This kind of role is very easy to overdo and instead of intimidating and charismatic turn out to be just... cheesy and slutty. But Vera Zoodena knows that a revealing outfit and sexy posing isn't all you need for a powerful female villain. Yes, she is very much directed as seductive, but instead of making me feel like someone made her wear that costume and ordered her to pose like that, I feel that she is in complete control of everything. Vera's stage presence is amazing. Femme fatales rarely have any effect on me (well, they are usually geared towards a male audience anyway) but this Takhisis makes chills run down my spine when she sings. Her voice is so haunting and sexy, I can feel her fingers tipped with deadly claws menacingly caress my skin by just listening to it. (I'm sorry. I promise to keep the TMI to a minimum. But I'm totally hot and bothered for Takhisis.).

Raistlin's nightmares are interrupted by his twinbrother Caramon, who intuitively knows his brother is suffering and rushes to wake him up. Raistlin thanks Caramon for driving away the unwanted dreams, but remains distant. Caramon then begins to sing, advising Raistlin to give up his ambitious plan, which he now reveals to the audience; Raistlin intends to descend into Abyss and challenge Takhisis, ascending to godhood himself if he manages to defeat the goddess. We have fought our wars, says Caramon, the Dark Lady is safely locked away in Abyss and the world needs heroes no more. Well, that's easy for you to say, you're not the one getting your dreams invaded.

Let's talk about Caramon a little. He is supposed to be the opposite of his twin; physically strong but mentally not the brightest, a handsome fellow with a big heart that overflows with kindness towards his friends and family. No ambition, no selfish arrogance guiding his actions, all he longs for is a simple, comfortable life and he cares deeply about the wellbeing of his loved ones. Compare that to Raistlin, who cares not about the feelings of others, uses people as stepping stones to reach his own selfish goals and in his pride desires always more power; when he has become the most powerful wizard in the mortal world even that is not enough, he needs to challenge the gods.

While I do think the actors in this musical do a pretty decent job mostly, I have to say I'm a little disappointed in Andrei Loboshov playing Caramon. His acting is a bit wooden occasionally and he comes off as comically dumb sometimes (I mean yeah, Caramon wasn't the sharpest sword in the weapon rack but still). Also his voice is kinda mediocre compared to others. This is Caramon, he is supposed to be charming and lovable. And handsome. Again, I know I'm not the right person to judge male beauty, but compare this guy to the one playing Raistlin (who is supposed to be the ugly twin). Like, come on.

Raistlin refuses Caramon's offer of simple living. He points out that as a creepy weirdo he will never belong anywhere and will never be as accepted by others like someone normal like Caramon is. He is determined to seek godhood, and abandons his brother's company while making plans how to reach his ambitious goal. He receives a letter that informs him that a priestess of Paladine (the highest ranking of the good gods, adversary of Takhisis) called Crysania seeks to meet him. Fate seems to smile upon the dark wizard, for a priestess of Paladine is exactly what he needs for his plan...

So. Crysania. I have...  mixed feelings about this character. On one hand, I admire the sincerety of her character, her genuine kindness (she is the priestess of the greatest of the good gods after all) and her determination to attempt to do the right thing. And yet she is doomed to betray her god out of her love for a heartless man. Stories about a pure maiden who falls in love with a cursed prince are numerous and the appeal of such stories is clear. However, Beauty and the Beast this is not. My main problem with Crysania is this: I fucking feel bad for what happens to her! She is dumb and naive and thoroughly amai and a very good example of what happens when a woman tries to ”cure” or ”save” a cruel man. It's not even her own fault because Raistlin manipulates the fuck out of her (and even if it were purely because of her own stupidity, victim blaming is bullshit so there!). I just want to rush in there and swoop her in my arms and give Raistlin the middlefinger like NO, you do not deserve the love of this woman, you do not get to use her for your ridiculous ego-inflating power fantasy plans, farewell and up yours!

When I read the books, I imagined Crysania looking unearthily beautiful, like a Greek statue come to life, and having an aura of holiness and piety in her voice. Here she is played by Elena Minina and damn, she is amazing. I don't know how they managed to find someone who so much resembles the official artwork of the character. I find her beauty stunning (just my opinion, there are probably a ton of people who consider her mediocre) and her voice is incredible. It's so clear, like the singing of birds and the sounds of running water on a stream, like silver bells tied to a dancer's ankle. I don't know how to describe it. I know nothing of opera or other top quality singing but I could easily imagine Elena being a truly professional singer. And this is really what made me fall in love with this show; the songs and the amazing singers delivering them.

Raistlin and Crysania meet in the city of Palanthas and have a little talk. Crysania reveals to the black mage that her god Paladine is aware of his plans and does not approve. She attempts to convince him to abandon his plan, not just for the good of mankind and the cosmic balance (the proper balance of good and evil is very important in Dragonlance pantheon) but for his own sake. Repent before it's too late and save yourself! Knowing that this is a chess piece he very much needs, Raistlin immediately goes into manipulation mode and starts to suggest things to Crysania. Oh, you came to me just as a messenger of your god? What if I told you he sent you to me for different reasons – to help me. He proceeds to flatter Crysania, praising her faith and purity (maybe to suggest that someone like her couldn't commit anything unholy, and thus can help him without fear of angering her god) and plants the idea to her head that light and dark mages aren't so black and white, and that sometimes dark magic is necessary to reach a noble cause.

Crysania listens and admits that Raistlin makes many good points but still she advises him to give up his plan. At this moment Raistlin has a coughing fit (the only time we see the fragility of his body in the musical) and Crysania's heart is immediately melted by compassion and she offers her help (as a priestess of Paladine she has healing powers). Raistlin accepts her healing magic but refuses her plea to bring him to the temple to be treated properly there, since even Paladine's clerics can't cure the curse that ruined his body. But appealing to her compassion works for his advantage, as did letting her get close and touch him (it's like he knows she's going to fall in love with him and attempts to bond with her to make it happen.). He insists on leaving but invites Crysania to meet him at the Tower of High Sorcery if she wants to speak with him more. Once she's alone, Crysania sings about how she understands that her fate is tied to this mysterious man who she used to think of as an enemy but is fast growing more fond and respecting of. She feels sorry for him and wants to save him so badly. Let the fire burn my hands, I will endure it or die trying. Meanwhile, I'm here whispering ”don't do it” under my breath. This is a very pretty song.

Astinus steps once more on stage. Crysania asks him how does Raistlin think he can break open the gate of Abyss. Astinus reveals that the gates of Abyss were locked so that they could only be opened by a black mage and a light priest working together (which the gods thought would be unthinkable, apparently, since that would be bringing together two sworn enemies). Crysania understands now what Raistlin had in mind for her. So, he thinks I'm going to be his key. Despite knowing this, she still wants to see him to learn more and asks how to find her way to the Tower of High Sorcery. Astinus tells her that the road there goes through the Grove of the Dead, making it a very perilous journey. Crysania considers this a test of courage set upon her by Raistlin and declares that she will go there.

Next we visit a charming little place called the Inn of the Last Home. The inn is run by Tika, Caramon's wife and she merrily spends time with the customers who sing and dance the night away. Tika is played by Irina Kruglova and it's a shame she has such a small role, since she has a lovely voice.

Back during the war Tika was one of the heroes and fought just as well as everyone else, but now has settled down since just like Caramon she longed for a peaceful, adventure-free life.

When I saw this character, I got worried. It looks like it might be a kender. Good grief, the goddamn kender are the worst thing Dragonlance universe came up with. * shudders* Back in my larp days there was a universally known unwritten rule among gamemasters: no more than one kender per ten other characters. Everyone obeyed this rule and good for them. I never got to play one, but a friend of mine did. She crawled under the tables and stole everyone's shoelaces.  

The joyful tune is disturbed when Crysania comes in and asks if anyone can show her to the Grove of the Dead. Tika tries to convince her not to seek the Grove, explaining that wizards enchanted the forest so that non-magic users couldn't find a way to their tower.

The guests agree with Tika, no one knows what the Grove hides, for the Grove never returns its dead. Crysania is still determined, if no one comes to be her guide, she goes alone. The guests and Tika then come up with an idea to have Caramon go along to keep her safe. No one else dares to go there, but Caramon is a true war hero.

Unfortunately this is the exact moment Caramon enters the inn, drunk as a lord and holding a letter he wrote to Raistlin. Look, Raistlin sent my letter back unopened, and even wrote on top of it ”I have no brother.” The separation of the twins was hard for Caramon and he started to drink his depression away, becoming less like a hero and more like pathetic drunk every day. He sings a sad, drunken, wailing song about how this letter hurt him so deeply.

They are stealing his axe - they are kender! Out! Throw them out!

Crysania rolls eyes at such a guardian, baffled that the intelligent and well mannered Raistlin could have such a disgraceful twin and she goes forth on her own. Tika then shames Caramon for being such a wreck and giving everything up so easily like the opposite of Rick Astley and sends him after the priestess. Your brother messed with her head, now it's your job to get her back safely! Reluctantly Caramon goes, not thrilled to be back on the adventuring business.

The background dancers felt out of place earlier, but in the Grove of the Dead they fit in perfectly, creating an ominous atmosphere. These living shadows creep up to Crysania, who faces them without fear and sends them back with the power of faith. She's prevented from proceeding any further when she comes face to face with an undead warrior named Lord Soth.

In the books, the death knight was sent to assassinate Crysania by Raistlin's sister Kitiara, to prevent the opening of the gates of Abyss. Lord Soth failed in his attempt, Crysania didn't die but she was wounded. Kitiara doesn't appear in this musical, and we don't actually see Lord Soth wounding Crysania. Instead he just poses dramatically and seems to scare Crysania and Caramon from approaching the Tower. He and the rest of the shadows are sent away by Raistlin, who appears to sing a new song.

The song is all about how names have power. It's a very fitting song for a mage, but kinda out of place. I guess it implies that by the power of knowing the name and origin of the creatures of the Grove he can send them away and allow the travellers to reach the Tower. But it looks like he's singing it to Crysania, which makes no sense. Also, what is he doing there? He should be far gone by now, time travelling to the past (yes, this story involves time travelling, a kind of magic that I've always thought way too powerful to exist, since if you have the power to go back in time, wouldn't you be able to keep trying a thing over and over again until you reach a timeline where you're successful? Way too convenient for my taste in magic.).

In the Tower of High Sorcery the Conclave of Mages is holding a meeting re: what to do with Raistlin. There are the white robed light mages and the black robed dark mages, but where are the neutral red ones? Balance of power is important in Dragonlance lore, and besides the forces of good and evil there existed the middle path that was kinda allowed to do whatever they wanted because they held loyalty to neither side. They could have easily put some red mages in the background here, so I wonder why they didn't (local prop department only had white and black robes?).

The conclave calls forth Dalamar, an elf who was spying Raistlin for the Conclave while being his apprentice in dark sorcery. Dalamar reveals all that he knows of Raistlin's plans; that his teacher has time travelled to the city of Istar to look for the gate to Abyss and to learn from another dark wizard who lived there at the time. By doing so Raistlin has apparently broken some union laws the Conclave held and they are disgusted with this (I told you time travelling should be banned!). But then they decide to send Crysania back in time to Istar too, for whatever reason. In the book it was because she was injured and needed a level of healing only the clerics of Paladine back in Istar's days of greatness could offer. But here it's a bit unclear, since we don't see Crysania get wounded and the Conclave never mentions any reasons behind their decision to send her time travelling. Maybe they were just as naive as her and thought she could stop him. Crysania tells them she intends to prevent Raistlin from opening the gates of Abyss and they just...   seem to go with it.

Dalamar and Par-Salian (leader of the Conclave) high five at their decision. Classy wizards are these.

One nice detail they kept are Dalamar's scars. You can see them on his chest. Raistlin wasn't born yesterday, he knew damn well that Dalamar was spying him and to show him that he knows, he burned the elf's chest with his fingertips like branding a calf. Just so you know, I'm on to your scheme and could dispose of you any time I want, I just don't think of you as a threat and don't care if the Conclave finds out because they won't be able to stop me. In the books Dalamar had a bizarre habit of flashing his scars to people. Look at what he did to me! No, stop, put your robes back on, nobody wants to see that, you kinky biscuit!

While the background people are working on propping Istar (mainly just covering everything in white), Dalamar sings a short song that reveals that he actually sends Crysania back in time because he is loyal to his teacher. Whatever you say, Dalamar. Whatever. Anyway, we have travelled back in time to Istar now. Everything and everyone is white and shiny and full of faith. Crysania is awestuck at the beauty of the city and the grandness of faith. Istar is a theocratic city state, and we also meet the guy who runs the city, known as the Kingpriest.

Good god, Alexi Tolstorkorov who plays the Kingpriest has the perfect voice for the role. It's a powerful, booming and majestic voice, making him sound like a charismatic cult leader when he preaches his truth. His voice demands respect and acknowledgment of his authority. Alexi is also rather tall, which makes him look properly intimidating. And considering they probably didn't have much of a budget, they propped him rather decently. Very good Kingpriest, 10/10.

Kingpriest. Dude. You’re saying that to a blind person!

Crysania finds Raistlin among the crowd (disguised as a cleric, because he's smart enough not to prance around in his black robes here) and informs him that Caramon got sent back with her as well but they got separated in the crowd. Raistlin didn't expect his brother to join Crysania in her attempt to stop him, but accepts this new turn of events and is already figuring out how to use it to his advantage. Raistlin tells her that he has already located the gates of Abyss here and soon they will open them together. I was expecting Crysania to tell him she has no such intentions, but here she just seems to...  be too distracted by Wow such great city! Very pure! Much faith! Which is...  awkward. Because this is fucking Istar, in the past. Crysania should know what happens to this city. Like, did they not teach history in whatever school priests of Paladine go to? Apparently they did not and it is up to Raistlin to open Crysania's eyes and reveal the ugly truth to the audience.

Raistlin sings a song about the corruption of Istar, how the priests are drunk with power and use it in manners that should be blasphemous to do in the name of good gods. Not only is magic and the worship of evil and neutral gods forbidden, some of the good gods are banned too and there's racism (I wholeheartedly cheer at the guards jailing kender, though.) and all other disgusting misuses of religion as justification for evil. The city if full of narcisstic men who put their own words in the mouth of god and present it as truth. It's interesting that Weis and Hickman came up with Istar, since Hickman is a devout mormon, so you'd think he's not the kind of person to present a theocracy as a corrupt cult. Anyway, Raistlin uses this moment to again cultivate in Crysania the belief that light and dark are not the same as good and evil. If priests of Paladine can be capable of such wickedness, then logic follows that a black mage can seek a noble cause. Maybe I'm not your enemy, aren't the ones who betrayed your god while claiming to serve him much more deserving to be your enemies? I only seek to rid the world of the source of all evil, while they seek to tear the whole world apart in their crusade against even the smallest shadow.

And then Crysania goes and confronts her fellow priests and the Kingpriest himself like the dumb shit she is, accusing them of their false faith and questioning their authority. Like good grief Crys, how fucking amai can you be?! Did you really think that one woman marching in front of a cultist leader and his brainwashed minions could make them see the light and better their ways by just shaming them? Like oh no, she is giving us the shounen anime protagonist Convincing Shouting treatment and telling us to give up our corrupt religion that benefits us greatly, whatever shall we do? Tell her she's right and that we are ashamed of ourselves for not noticing earlier? Or how about...  we just burn her at the stake for heresy?

Seriously Crysania, did you stop for two seconds to consider what could go wrong with your master plan? Anyway, it's a very nice song between Crysania and the Kingpriest. It also shows Crysania's budding doubts about her faith. She is disgusted that she had to have this revealed to her by an enemy, that her brothers and sisters who she is supposed to trust were holding an ugly secret from her.

So, Crysania is held captive at the temple for heresy. Raistlin doesn't seem particularly concerned with this. Having Crysania doubt her faith works for his plan. Caramon gets imprisoned too, after asking people if they've seen his brother, who's a mage. Use of magic being forbidden, even family members of mages get thrown in jail. There Caramon sings a song how he trusts that his brother will soon come save him. It's sad to see Caramon projecting his own family loyalty to his brother who has never helped anyone if it wasn't relevant to his interests. You poor man, still blind to the truth that your brother can't be redeemed.

In the book Caramon was made to fight in a gladiator arena with other prisoners. This musical also makes him fight, but frames it differently. Here the Kingpriest arranges the fights to find the best warrior to be the Chosen One to deliver world of evil or something along those lines. Disguised as a cleric Raistlin declares Caramon as a volunteer to fight. He is brought to the arena but refuses to pick up his sword, because it's one thing to fight in a war and for self defence but this is just slaughter for the amusement of others and he wants nothing to do with it.

I like how when Caramon refuses to fight, his opponent strikes this seductive pose. Fight me, my love, you know you want to...

The Kingpriest is not pleased for Caramon's refusal. Raistlin explains to him that the man is an honorable knight (yeah sure) who cares not for his own life but will defend the life of another. He suggests that they bring Crysania to the arena. The Kingpriest agrees to this, and Caramon immediately picks up his sword to protect the lady. The fight is fierce and has surprisingly many real swordplay techniques used (I usually expect very little realism from stage swordfights). Yes there's still lots of unreasonable things like turning your back to your enemy and coming way too close during the close combat (you come to a distance I can punch you, you will get pommel to the face) but this is still one of the best stage swordfights I've seen. It's also unusually fast, more often stage fencing uses slower, wider strikes to make it easier to follow the fight. Here, I noticed many of the techniques used only when I was taking screenshots, they happen so fast.

I didn’t even notice this block by grabbing blade at first viewing.

Oh, this looks like a throw! Are they really going to do a throw?

Apparently yes.

I have to tip my hat to the guy who plays Purple Fake Dreads here. He is agile!

He is fierce!

He is bouncy!

Fly away, Purple Fake Dreads!

I especially like the move where he places his foot on Caramon's leg and steps up on it to kick him in the groin.

Go, go, Purple Fake Dreads!

Caramon, who fought more carefully and defensively than his aggressive and impatient opponent, wins the fight, and the Kingpriest grants him and Crysania their freedom as a reward. The citizens of Istar then begin a mass with the Kingpriest, and the chanting gets more and more ominous until everything goes red. The event known as Cataclysm happens.

Angered by the corruption and arrogance of the Kingpriest, the gods threw a fiery mountain down on Istar, sinking the city to the bottom of the sea, changing the landscape and geography of Krynn permanently. Raistlin, Caramon and Crysania escape the divine wrath by time travelling again, to a timeline little after the Cataclysm. This they do offscreen.

Having witnessed the destruction of Istar, Crysania grieves for the innocent lives struck down for the crimes of a few. Her faith weakens once more. Her god doesn't answer to her call, so Raistlin asks her to follow him, which she does. After all, he is the one who showed her the truth and hasn't lied to her, and for that she respects him. She still believes that her fate is tied to the dark wizard, but she is beginning to doubt if her role ever was to help him see the light and not the other way around.

Istar being at the bottom of the sea now, Raistlin can no longer use the gates in there, much to his annoyance. However, there is a second Gate hidden in Zhaman fortress, in a well guarded dwarf kingdom. The black mage needs to find a way to get inside, and simple knowledge of history tells him how to do it.

Caramon comes to his brother, demanding to know why he betrayed him and made him fight in the arena instead of helping him escape. After listening to this for a while, Raistlin tells him that he's being an idiot; arranging for him to get chosen to fight in the arena was his plan to get him out from jail. You got yourself arrested out of stupidity, getting you to be chosen as the one to fight wasn't easy either, you know. So don't come to me claiming I didn't help you and Crysania to get your freedom so we could all escape together instead of leaving you behind to go down with the rest of Istar!

Okay, I get it, Caramon admits. But I'm still done with all of this and I'm going back home! Oh really, Raistlin comments, what a shame, I could have used your help. It hurts me to see the change in Caramon as soon as Raistlin says that, because the dumb man doesn't understand that he's just being manipulated. Caramon is so desperate for any sign of brotherly love from his twin that as soon as Raistlin hints that he could help him, he's ready to do anything. Of course I will help you in any way I can, my dear brother! You poor man, you poor faithful dog wagging your tail no matter how many times your master mistreats you.

What Raistlin has in mind for Caramon is war. Around this time in history, there was a war waged against the dwarf kingdom. Raistlin intends to make history repeat itself, and he needs Caramon to lead the army. What army, it's just the three of us, asks Caramon. And then Raistlin begins to sing, while the background dancers begin what looks like a yoga session. Raistlin is a good speaker and manipulator, he easily convinces warriors to join their attack to Zhaman fortress. Knowing history helps him, for he knows what kind of people went into this war and what their motivations were.  Little by little they gather quite an army to march into war. Caramon questions if what they are doing is the right thing and that they are lying to people to lure them into an unnecessary war. Raistlin convinces him the war is inevitable, and Caramon, too eager to please his brother, turns a blind eye to the unethicalness of it all.

While Caramon is working his hardest to earn them an entry to the gates, Raistlin focuses on working his mindgames with Crysania. He needs to get her to agree to go along with his plan. So he attempts to use her compassion, and sings to her a sad song about his childhood, colouring everything a little to make himself look more like a sympathetic victim of forces beyond his control. He claims to have began learning magic purely for self defence, being bullied as kid, and then goes on to claim that magic is an addiction that can't be fought once you've tried it. He also very clearly has become aware of Crysania falling in love with him and fans those flames as best he can, being all gentlemanly and nice to her even if he's a jerk when he's with his brother. This is one thing that people don't get about abusive people; they are perfectly capable of playing nice when it's beneficial to them and just because someone is ”such a nice guy” doesn't mean they can't be monsters.

Crysania is smart enough to call bullshit on Raistlin claiming to have always been an enemy to Takhisis, pointing out that he did fight on her side during the past war. But Raistlin pulls the ”It was all according to my plan, so I could betray her”-card out of his sleeve. I'm a traitor to both sides and both good and evil look forward to my funerals. Pity poor me who attempted to do what was right but ended up being unfairly hated by everyone. Well, Crysania buys it all, poor woman. They get closer and closer and looks like they are about to kiss...

But no kissels. Excited Caramon arrives to bring news that Zhaman has been conquered. Crysania leaves the men alone, and Caramon sings a happy song about how much glory he has gained in these battles and thanks Raistlin for making him the leader of the army, giving his life meaning and saving him from being a useless, depressed drunk.

Raistlin is initially annoyed that his alone time with Crysania was interrupted, but knowledge that he now has access to the gates he so desires to open puts him in a good mood and he joins Caramon in the victory celebrations. At some point it even looks like he...  smiles a little...   and not sarcastically. Who is this stranger and what have you done with the real Raistlin?

Now all Raistlin needs is to make sure Crysania will follow him to the gates. At night, when they are alone again he begins to sing a romantic song for her, posing sexily while he gazes at the starry sky, and she joins the song. By now she is completely and utterly in love with him and filled with joy when suggested that the feelings might be mutual.

Raistlin does an excellent job at seducing her considering he has no prior experience in romance whatsoever.  He often takes Crysania's hand while they walk but never makes any more forward moves himself, allowing her to be the one who initiates their first kiss.

Except this time too they are interrupted before the kiss can happen. This time by peeping tom Takhisis making her nightly visit to Raistlin's mind and being all Oh my, things are getting juicy in here, wait until I get my popcorn! Raistlin is startled, looks away and tells Crysania to get out. This is the first time Raistlin's behaved like that in front of her, so she's frightened that by making that first move crossed his line and angered him. She runs away, brokenhearted.

Raistlin is left alone with Takhisis, who in her turn tries to play mindgames. She suggests to Raistlin that maybe he wasn't encouraging Crysania's love just because it was convenient for his plan, maybe he too is falling in love.

Raistlin is horrified of such a thought but compliments her Dark Majesty for pointing out his weakness so he can make sure to overcome it. I made her fall in love with me, using her weakness of compassion and pity against her, surely I am above falling into my own trap! Well, regardless of how her love was born, comments Takhisis, your feelings are genuine – don't you want to keep her? Love is stronger than you are, puny mortal, it would overcome you.

Love brings no happiness, only suffering, sings Raistlin. Look at Crysania, who was so fearless, yet now is afraid, made so weak by her love. I must not return a false love, not fall for a creation of my own making. And so he fights to resists the basic human urge, the need to be loved, considering it a dangerous weakness. Without love I can't be hurt. I won't let my feelings hinder me, my brother is nothing but a sword for me and Crysania is nothing but a key. Love will break and weaken any ruler.

Nothing matters more than love, whispers Takhisis (rather uncharacteristic for the goddess of evil to spout such sappy fortune cookie aforisms). No, power is much more dear to me, answers Raistlin, but he is a complete emotional mess after fighting his feelings and can just tiredly beg for the Dark Lady to leave him alone.

Caramon, while unable to hear Takhisis, heard everything Raistlin said and his heart breaks when he finally learns that his brother doesn't love him. So it was all lies, I meant nothing to you? Or maybe I knew this all along and was lying to myself. When Caramon says he's leaving, Raistlin calls out to him, weak and exhausted after chasing Takhisis out of his mind. And even now, after hearing the truth, Caramon hesitates only a moment before coming to Raistlin's side, making sure he's alright. He even takes off his cape to cover the sleepy wizard warmly.

Kind people are unable to ignore a call for help, even when uttered by someone they know wouldn't return the favor, because for kind people there is no such thing as ”someone who doesn't deserve help.” I still want to kick Raistlin for being such a dick, though. While watching Raistlin sleep, Caramon sings a sad song about how he misses the lost happiness and innocence of their childhood.

The next song is very painful. It's Crysania basically slutshaming herself. Instead of recognizing that her broken heart is the result of Raistlin's mindfuckery, she blames herself. And more alarmingly, she makes a decision to change. By now she is as desperate for Raistlin recognizing her worth as Caramon was for any sign of brotherly love. It hurts me to see her like this, because it reminds me too much of real women who end up trying to change to better please their male lovers. This is what has become of her – the fearless lady who went forth to save a wicked man and prevent him from going through a horrible plan has turned into a blind minion of said man, willing to do whatever he wants. Raistlin has corrupted Crysania, broken her in an incredibly vile way. Instead of leaving the cruel man, she is finally convinced to aid him in opening the gates to Abyss. In her despair to be deemed worthy, Crysania decides to do the one thing Raistlin has always been asking of her, even if that means going against her god's will. At one point in the song it looks like she's talking to Paladine (kinda looking skyward) and saying something along the lines of ”I expect you to condemn what I'm about to do.” And so she betrayed her god and went down to Abyss for the sake of love.

Into the Abyss they go, singing a triumphant song together. They went with music forth to battle, not knowing what horrors lie beyond the gates. Crysania is made fearless by her faith, but not the faith she had for her god but her faith in Raistlin's might, sincerely believing it to be powerful enough to defeat a great goddess. Raistlin is made fearless by his trust in himself.

Not too long after passing the gates, they are welcomed by her Dark Majesty herself. Takhisis is aware of Raistlin's plan to kill her, but she pretends not to know. She congratulates Raistlin for opening the gates for her like a good little minion and offers him a place at the foot of her throne. Either she is being sarcastic, or she is attempting to avoid the fight with intimidation tactics, allowing Raistlin a peaceful way out if he chickens now that he is actually face to face with a powerful goddess.

Look at those four women standing beside her Dark Majesty. I didn't get it at the first viewing, but look at them; different colours, wearing a crown decorated with dragon horns – they are the rest of her five necks! The iconic fiveheaded dragon queen form does appear in the musical, cleverly interpreted!

Intimidation tactic seems to be working, Raistlin looks hesitant for a while, but Crysania turns his head so he can't see the Dark Lady and instead looks her in the eyes and this seems to break the fear instilled in Raistlin after so many nightmares. Time for mindgames and backstabbing is over, Raistlin steps up and voices his intentions loud and clear, challenging the goddess of evil.

This is the first time we see Takhisis express anger, now that all pretense has been thrown to the wind. You can almost see her breathe fire as she gives the INSOLENT MORTAL I WILL BREAK YOU IN HALF!-speech. She then summons her minions to fight for her. Including some weird glowstick-lightsaber wielding guys. They didn't have the budget to prop actual horrors from beyond, so they got creative. I think Takhisis should have summoned a bunch of her evil dragons. No matter how incredibly powerful your wizard is, if a flock of red dragons appears, he is toast. Delicious magical toast.

In the next song Takhisis sings about how great her powers are, with a big emphasis on the fact that she can take countless forms. One great way they show this is the actress playing Crysania also joining the song as clearly a Crysania-shaped incarnation of the Dark Lady. She has been tormenting Raistlin with nightmares and goes to work with his fears and darker memories again. It is fascinating that Crysania seems to be one of the things he fears, but that is probably because of his fear of falling in love and therefore becoming vulnerable.

You know, seeing Takhisis and Crysania together and hearing their beautiful voices simultaneously, makes me want to ship them. I know it's a ridiculous crackpairing, Crysania would deem it blasphemous and Takhisis would be like ”She's not as good as Mina.” But hey, if Crysania is ready to betray her god, why not go all out and fall in love with her god's literal rival? Like how deliciously angsty would that get? I'm sorry, this is stupid. Actually, no, I'm not sorry. Because you know what, I can't go to any show's fandom without seeing a fuckton of male/male ships of characters who hate each other in canon/are sworn enemies, so I should not have to be ashamed for blushing at the thought of femslashing Crys and Taksu. The ship may be full of holes but I will sail it!

More random minions. The background dancers just really, really wanted to show off their cool fedoras and scarves, no matter how unfit they are in a fantasy setting.

The next foe Raistlin faces is a succubus. She unfortunately lacks the charisma of Vera Zoodena and comes off as trying too much. I'm sorry, but whatever she's trying, it just doesn't work. Raistlin seems nervous though, and shouts to her ”Don't touch me!” Oh, the bookworm nerd doesn't like me, eh, says the succubus, I'll just pick his brother then. And she goes to snuggle with Caramon's doppelganger. This is a rather interesting scene, because there's a book that tells about the twins' childhood and apparently there was an incident where a girl initially showed intered towards little Raistlin and got his hopes up and then crushed them by deciding to go for the handsome twin instead. So, yeah, Raistlin has brother issues, and of course Takhisis uses them against him.

Time for more childhood trauma. Takhisis summons the images of the kids who bullied Raistlin when he was little. As someone who still occasionally has nightmares of my own bullies, I have to admit I feel sorry for him here. The cruelty of children can wound a person very deeply. The creatures make Raistlin retreat, tearing open wounds he thought had scarred permanently long ago. Anxious and unable to fight his fears, Raistlin falls on his knees and, much like in his childhood, instinctively cries Caramon for help. But his brother is not here to protect him, to chase away the bullies and watch over his sleep so he can wake him up from nightmares.

Now that Takhisis has Raistlin exhausted and crawling on the ground, she appears to him in the disguise of his mother. She calls for Raistlin, and the wizard reacts to the familiar voice, rushing towards her but stopping midway when he finally gets a grip of reality, that these are all shadows summoned by Takhisis and nothing more. Once Takhisis realizes her game is discovered, she drops the pretense and appears as herself, casting her dark spells on Raistlin, pulling him closer. Eventually all of his strength is consumed and he collapses, fallen victim to the Dark Lady's power.

Crysania to the rescue! Having been separated from Raistlin in the darkness of the Abyss, she finally finds him and immediately puts her healing powers to work. Takhisis tells her she is too late, death has claimed the wizard. I will not give him to you, Crysania exclaims, continuing to revive the man she loves. If needed, she is willing to give her own life in exchange of his. Takhisis speaks to Crysania, telling her that even she feels sorry for her, but a flame always leaves its mark. And then, just as life is returning Raistlin's body, the Dark Lady blinds Crysania's eyes.

And now we get to the most painful scene in the show. Blinded Crysania seeks Raistlin's hand and tells him that they have defeated darkness (What?! How? When? The last I checked, Takhisis seemed to be alive and well. I don't get it.). My eyes can see light no more and I am wounded, but your path to godhood is open now. And then Raistlin answers...  that I don't need you anymore. I...  I...  fuck...  Crysania begs him to stay with her, to hold her hand. She was ready to give her life for you! All she wants is for you to hold her hand! I don't cry often when reading books but I remember sobbing all the way through this horrible ending.

Singing arrogantly, Raistlin leaves Crysania behind, blind and wounded, all alone in the darkness of the Abyss. I did what was necessary to reach my goal. The gates were sealed cleverly but with the help of a fool's love I opened them. I don't need you anymore. The price of love in exchange of becoming a god is not too high.

Takhisis speaks to Crysania again, and it's clear now that when she said earlier that she feels sorry for Crysania, it wasn't because of her grief over Raistlin's death, but because she wasn't aware of being used.

Taksu, please, can you not. (Why is everyone in this musical such a dick to blind people?)

Crysania sings a sad song about the senselessness of cruelty and my heart breaks for her. After devoting her life to a man who abandoned her to die alone in the dark, the inside of her chest is pitch black and a void deeper than Abyss where her heart used to be. A final song of grief echoes among the shadows. The Dark Lady's minions dance with Crysania, surprisingly calmly considering they are creatures of evil. Even Takhisis herself holds her in her arms for a while (please kiss her. I know you're not the goddess of death but please. Just kiss her.). Eventually she collapses at the foot of her Dark Majesty's throne and ends her song. The only thing I can do is close my eyes before this void and wait for someone to push. And that's the image we leave Crysania with. A betrayed, blind woman standing on a cliff's edge, waiting for the moment she has to fall down.

Astinus appears again and tells what happened next. Raistlin went on to challenge all of the gods until he was the only one left. However, he did not possess the gods' ability to create. In his war against the gods he had left the mortal world in ruin, and now as the only god of Krynn, he could not repair it. The mortal world had become as desolate, dark and lifeless as the Abyss.

Now, in the books this is not what happens. It's what could happen, but Raistlin gets shown this grim future and that scares him to finally give up his ambitious plan. However he had already opened the gates and entered Abyss, so he chose to remain there and prevent Takhisis from coming through the gates until they had been properly closed behind him. Some versions of the musical also apparently have this ending. However, I prefer this one, where Raistlin reaches that future and has to for all eternity bear the heavy burden of being the one who brought forward the end of the world, all alone in the darkness, the only remaining witness to the devastating results of his actions. I think an ending where we allow him the chance to correct his errors and sacrifice his life nobly for the sake of preventing Takhisis from entering Krynn, is cheaper and doesn't give proper emphasis on the fact that actions have consequenses and often, even in stories involving time travel, once you've made a mistake, you cannot undo it! I prefer stories with the moral ”Don't do this, once you do it there's no going back” than ”Don't do this but if you do, there's always a second chance if you're ready to make some sacrifices.” I know this is fantasy, but in real life, there often aren't second chances. You can only break a fragile thing once. You can only lose someone's trust once.

We get one final song, Lord of Nothing, and it's a great song number. For whatever reason Takhisis sings it with Raistlin, despite the fact that she should be long since defeated in this timeline. Maybe she will forever live on in Raistlin's mind, a fragment of his imagination formed from the memory of nightmares. I don't know, but I don't even care, Vera Zoodena has such a great voice that she can raise Takhisis from the dead any time she wants.

One reason I love this song is that it's basically the Dark Lady vigorously rubbing salt on Raistlin's wounds. Yeah, you wanted this, you wanted this so bad, well look at your kingdom now, oh great Lord of Nothing! As she sings the background dancers gradually take away all of the props, including Raistlin's staff and his robes and then disappear offstage, leaving him standing there alone on the empty stage. It is very satisfying to hear Raistlin sing in anxious manner, desperately trying to lie to himself that he can still fix this, oh please don't let me be left alone in the void. The last one to leave is Astinus. He gives Raistlin his quill and scroll of history before disappearing.

I liked this show and was amazed how nicely it adapted the original material. It's very different to the kind of musical theater I usually watch (Takarazuka). But even a smaller production, with a very small prop budget and actors who sing well but don't dance at all, can be as entertaining as a big, colourful spectacle.

There's been some translating projects going on. Maybe some day there might be an English version done.

[lalune-22]

Q&A bf&gf tag Youtuber!Tom

Requested: Nope

Warnings: some cursing, because it’s me

Word count: 921

Summary: title is pretty self explanatory

-

“Hello beautiful people of the YouTube realm!”

“Darling, please don't make that our intro.” Tom says silently laughing to himself.

“Why? Tom am I, your beautiful goof of a girlfriend….. embarrassing you?” You question him creeping closer and closer to his face.

“Stop being weird you wanker. You're still scaring away the sixty-thousand subscribers we got.” Your faces light up as you're reminded why you're making this video in the first place.

“Ooooh that reminds me! I tweeted out that if we hit one thousand subscribers, we will start off our channel it's a q&a. AND WE'VE ALREADY HIT SIXTY THOUSAND GUYS THAT IS AMAZING THANK YOU SO MUCH AND WE SWEAR YOU WILL NOT REGRET SUBSCRIBING TO US!” You end your moment of excitement with blowing kisses to the screen.

“Are you finished, dear?” Tom asks you with a blank expression.

“Tom’s first question!”

*clears throat*

“Where was the first place we met?”

“Oh! I know! It was on set for civil war,” Tom says proud of himself.

“Wrong! Actually, it was at your live audition for our Chemistry test.” You reply quite proud of yourself.

“Next question Tom, what am I good at?” He looks like he's contemplating for a second then he gives you his ‘wtf’ look again.

“Acting of course! I mean that's one ur jobs.”

“Ohhh, you are right. I mean that's not what I had down, but it works.”

“Well, what did you have down?”

“Singing, Cooking, and baking.”

“Oh my god guys, y/n is the goddess of the culinary arts I swear on my grave. She makes the best after sex breakfast ever.” Tom gushes over you, not realizing what he just said. You feel your cheeks turn into rosey flames hearing him.

“Thomas Stanley Holland! You cannot say those things on camera!” You yell at him. He soon realizes what he said and his cheek color starts to twin yours.

“. . .At least it wasn't live?”

“Whatever, I’ll edit that out later. Moving on to your next question, what's my favorite song right now?”

“Dusk Till Dawn by Zayn featuring Sia. C’mon y/n/n, do you think I'm stupid? You told me that song was your religion and made me sing it with you just 3 hours ago.”

“Tmi my beautiful boy, but, correct! Next question, how do I like to cuddle?”

“With you being the little spoon or you laying on top of my chest.”

“Half correct? I like being both the little and big spoon, you just won't say it to the camera because your fans already call you soft!” You call him out on his miniature attempt to look more masculine. He looks at you with squinted eyes. He quickly grabs you buy your stomach and pulls you down under him so that he's straddling your bottom.

“Tommmmmmm! Get off!”

“Not until you say sorry,”

“Awwww, did I hurt your feelings lil bubby?” You taunt him. He just responds by pushing you further into the couch.

“And now, you have to say I'm the best bubby boyfriend in the ENTIRE WORLD” he shouts the last two words.

“You do realize I'm cutting all this out later right?”

-

“We’re now moving on!”

“Woohoo!”

“Now look who’s the weird one. Okay fourth question, what do I not like about you?”

“When I curse in inappropriate situations.”

“Oh yeah, I don't like that either, but there's something else.”

“Hmmmmm. . . Oh. . When I don’t tell you things?”

“YES! YES I HATE THAT SO MUCH! It’s so frustrating like guys, he keeps to himself all the time and expects me not get worried when he comes through the door with bandages all around his nose! Or- or him beings grumpy the entire day and I've no idea what's wrong.” You exclaim throwing your hands

“I just don't like worrying you! But then later I find out you freak out more if I don't tell you . . . Anywho keep on going with the questions,” he huffs crossing his arms and throwing himself back on our bed we sat on.

“Alright doofus, it's your turn nowwwww,” you drag out your w’s for emphasis.

-

“Alright y/n, what was the first thing I ever got you as a gift?”

“A Spider-man ring you saw in a claw machine at the movie theaters on our first date.”

“You see, there’s really no point in playing anymore since we already know you’re going to win.” Tom teases you. You just stick your tongue out in retaliation making him giggle at your scrunched up red cheeks.

“Just continue loser.”

“When did I first break my nose?”

“. . . Well. . How many times have you broken it?”

“Only two that I remember of, but we were together during those so you should know!”

“During filming for The Lost City of Z right? I remember you whining a lot back then.”

“I do not whine love, I complain. Next question, who am I?”

“Spider-man?” You give Tom an uneasy look.

[rainbowclareonetta]

Don't let anyone bring you down. Those who try aren't worth your time.

Hey Anon... glad to see you’re still there and you still care. You’ve got some amazing timing. I’m sorry if this is tmi but I feel comfortable just rambling in this response and I hope it doesn’t annoy you... The last week I’ve been falling into my old ways of wanting to give up and kill myself. I tried to start dating again because I found an amazing game with amazing community that’s given me a sense of self worth. I met someone who pushed my boundaries a little too far and triggered me. I felt like I did before. I didn’t go all the way back as I was able to keep reminding myself to live and that I couldn’t have a chance of getting better if I didn’t, but I didn’t sleep for 3 days regardless. The last day I drank 4 energy drinks to stay awake at work and it hit me harder as I’ve been weening myself off them over the last couple months. I have a strong suspicion I had a heart attack. The day after I slept for 16 hours when I usually only sleep for 4. I also felt massive drain and have been having a little difficulty getting my energy back up but I’m going to do it. My chest hurts so badly right now... but I’m not going to fucking die here. I’m crying again. But I’m determined. I’m under a lot of stress from not only work, but legal status here in Canada. I have no idea what’s going to happen to me. But I know I can’t go back. I found someone who needs me as much as I need him. He’s one of my best friends. We’re working on our YouTube channel together but he’s waiting on me, and it’s not super fair because I need to make the intro music to our channel but I haven’t been able to because of stress overload. But every day I’m fighting to force myself to do a little bit. I’ve been humming tunes and trying to figure out what’ll work best. Hell, I’ve learned how to sing very well too! I’ve torn my vocal chords to shreds, I’ve fought past my chronic cough, and my chest pain to make myself a great singer. I’m pushing hard right now to reach new highs so I can do death of a bachelor properly lol, I’m just on the edge of it! Looking at Brendon Urie, and Freddie Mercury I’ve been pushing to increase my vocal range both high and low. I need to learn how to properly warm up though....I’m in a lot of pain right now Anon.... but I’m still fighting harder than ever. The only thing that’s comforting me is that I’m proving the world wrong about my limits. I’m pushing above and beyond what a normal human should be able to do. I’m operating at 3000% on a diet of under 1400 calories a day. I’m burning at minimum 600 from my commute lol. I won’t give in. I can’t give in. I want to.... but fuck what I want. It’s about my dream and making it a reality and I can’t die until it’s done. Thank you Anon

[mightbedamian]

#TMIishTuesday #48 - Troye Sivan’s Blue Neighbourhood

Hey, Just a little info before we start: If you're following my Twitter, you might have seen my little tweet from last Saturday about maybe filming the whole thing that I write on here and putting the video on YouTube. Well, I thought I'd have a very boring weekend, when I wrote that tweet. The weekend actually was great - but very busy. So… No video today. And since I'll probably be busy the next two weekends as well, I'll have to leave the YouTube thing for later. But who knows… Maybe in the future… There will be… #TMIishTuesday in video form? Anyway, enough of future sh*t, on with the present: Blue Neighbourhood! Hey there mighty people of the internet! And welcome to issue #48 of #TMIishTuesday - my weekly Tumblr post about what goes through my weird mind and what you guys want to know more about. It can be something very personal, it can be something political, it can be completely pointless - but in 99.9 % of the cases, it involves opinions. And mine as well. // Last week I talked about my experiences talking multiple languages in one conversation and/or with the same people. What is it like switching language pretty much half-topic? Which factors made it necessary or desirable to switch languages? Find out in #TMIishTuesday no. 47. // Talking about languages: Did I mention that of all the four languages I speak/studied, I like English best? I don't really know why… But surely, my fondness for the English language also plays a role in the reason why I write this post. Troye Sivan released his album Blue Neighbourhood in fall 2015, but I kinda only really got into it after he released Heaven as a single. But first things first: Let's introduce Troye cause I'm assuming, there's at least one person reading this, who doesn't know who he is (Hi Lukas :D) - and maybe more. Troye Sivan is a 21-year-old  Australian singer/songwriter/YouTuber/actor allrounder. Started off playing young Wolverine in the 2009 X-Men film, went on to make videos, squeezing in a song every now and then. Released his first small EP called TRXYE and a single, Happy Little Pill in 2014 which immediately crashed into the charts around the world - due to his YouTube prominence. He then went on to release a full EP called Blue Neighbourhood in late 2015. And as you can tell by the title, this is exactly what this #TMIishTuesday is about! As you can read in my coming out chronology that I posted in September, I subscribed to Troye in 2013. Since, I've watched pretty much every video he uploaded. Vlog-like videos at first and some cover songs in between. When he announced his first EP in 2014, I remember being skeptical. But I just loved the Happy Little Pill song, so I bought it. Fun fact: Contrary to my expectations, my mum liked the song as well. :D In fall 2015, step by step, Troye uploaded the Blue Neighbourhood trilogy: The three part series of music videos to Wild, Fools, and Talk Me Down that tell the story of a young love that does not succeed due to… let's say... "parental issues"? Anyway, the trilogy is great. Check it out! (At the time I only could watch the videos in the Netherlands, now that GEMA and YouTube finally found a compromise, it's also available in Germany - yeey!) This trilogy - and the music itself - made me want to get these songs. So that's what I did. And I liked Youth too, so got those four songs. Only those four cause I wasn't quite convinced by the others. Those four, tho - ACE! I really digged every single one of them! And Youth was my favorite one. But that was it for more than a year. There were some videos of Troye performing live that actually made it to my sub box (battling this GEMA disgrace), but they still didn't make me crave more of his music. Until… Heaven. January 19, Heaven was uploaded to Troye's VEVO channel - a song featuring Betty Who. And it made me realise how much I liked Troye's music. And also the songs that I hadn't bought. So I went ahead and got the rest of the album, too. And, trying not to exaggerate, but I must have listened to nothing but those songs for the next 48 hours. Okay, some radio in the car - but for the rest: Blue Neighbourhood and Blue Neighbourhood only. It's been three weeks now. And there's hardly been a day that I didn't have a song of the album stuck in my head. I just dig the entire album now! Btw, have I made it clear already that I love that album? I love this album! Okay, seriously though. Let's try and make a top 5? 1. Too Good - The title is basically giving it away already: This song just is: Too good! Guitar sounds? In a Troye song? I was SO surprise at this! You know I'm a sucker for a good electric guitar in songs. Oh, AND a piano intro? Plus it's featured prominently throughout the entire song? I FREAKING LOVE THIS SONG TO PIECES! 2. for him - That beat tho! Also: Cool lyrics! 3. Youth - Still up there. Pretty much from day one. Rather speedy song, very thoughtful breaks in the beat. Great lyrics as well. 4. Cool - Very catchy lyrics. Very catchy beat as well. Well done! 5. Fools - The piano intro - again! Thoughtful song, kinda depressing mood, but have you heard the chorus? Such a refreshing beat going on there! To be honest: It was f*ing hard ranking the songs! When I've rated 13 of the 16 on the album 5/5 and posted 8 of them as #mightygoodnighttune in 2017 already, that says a lot! :D And as of typing this (on Monday night), I haven't even posted Fools. That miiiiight change tonight - Update (Tuesday night): It didn’t. It was a close one tho. Anyway, I should stop now, else I'll just fanboy for hours and hours and hours. One last thing though: The lyrics of ALL the songs on Blue Neighbourhoud are written in a gender neutral way. You can't tell, which gender the person in the songs is addressing. That’s just amazing! When most songs are about love, it must have taken a lot of focus and hard work to get the lyrics like that. Shout out to you, Troye! Before I go, let me know you thoughts about Blue Neighbourhood. Do you like it? Do you like Troye’s music in general? What is your favorite song of the album? Tell me, I wanna know! Place a comment, tweet me, dm me, or do anything else you can think of to get to me. Talking about tweets: Today’s TMIish Queer Shoutout is a single tweet. It's Sam Collins's tweet about his birthday from last week. It might just be two pictures of a rather happy guy captioned: "Samantha always told herself that she'd never make it to 21. She was right… but he did" But this tweet says A LOT about Sam. I don't know Sam personally and have only been following his YouTube and Twitter for 5-6 months. But knowing that Sam is trans*, this tweet gave me goose bumps as soon as I read it. It says so much about how trans* people feel. Caught in the wrong body, they are extremely unhappy, sometimes to the point of suicide fantasies. And from the stories he shared, I can tell that Sam was very unhappy, too. Then he decided to transition and go by "Sam" from then on. Now people in the streets see him as a man - and that gives him confidence. If you're interested in a channel that includes trans* topics, but definitely is not limited to it, check him out. As always: Next #TMIishTuesday next Tuesday. If you have any questions in the meantime, just ask away. Whatever you’re curious about - I don’t bite. :) Until then: Stay mighty! Linkage: [Sorry, I’m too lazy now... It’s all in the post anyway :P]

Oh, and here’s some self-promo: - Last #TMIishTuesday: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/post/156639178932/tmiishtuesday-47-excuse-me-wat-zei-du - More #TMIishTuesdays: mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/tmi - More #TMIishTuesdays on music: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/music - More very cool stuff: www.twitter.com/mightbedamian - Even more very cool stuff: mightbedamian.tumblr.com