#Sorry I've been keeping up with them it's just my summer has gotten busy

[go2jail1]

Heyo friend!

Just FYI, in case u missed them, there's a couple more chapters of my fic up! I'm just writing chapter 22 now... I think it's coming to an end! But I also wanted to thank u for your amazing support <3 I've loved writing this so much!

STOP you can't tell me it's coming to an end right as y/n has a gun to Teddy's face ToT

[differenteagletragedy]

So yesterday someone requested a swap AU fic with Baxter as the boy who moved across the street, Cove as his friend you met at 13 and Derek as the guy who rented the condo for the summer. I promptly lost my mind, so here is more.

This is the part in Step 3 when everyone goes to the restaurant and Cove tells everyone he's going to get an apartment and he and MC have a moment, except Baxter style.

"Tell your boyfriend to stop fixing his hair and come on, I'm hungry," Liz said impatiently.

"He's not my boyfriend and he has his process," you replied, looking across the street at your best friend's house.

You, Liz, your moms and Lee were all outside, waiting to go to dinner. Baxter had been invited as well, but it seemed he was running a bit late.

As you were pulling out your phone to text him, he finally appeared. He had a troubled expression, but once he saw you and your family already assembled by your mom's car he turned on a practiced smile and jogged over.

"My apologies," he said, coming to a stop by your side. "I won't hold us up any further. Shall we?"

He held his arm up for you to take and Liz snorted, then said, "We'll meet you there."

Baxter, for all his eccentricities that you'd come to know so well in then ten years you'd been friends, fancied himself a bit of a gentleman. He always offered you his arm when walking anywhere, and you always accepted. You'd had a crush on him for years but had always been too nervous to tell him, so being close to him in any capacity was nice.

Tonight felt a bit different though. Usually he gave off a warmth when you were together, a sort of easygoing gentleness that you'd always noticed was reserved only for you, but now he was tense. As you settled in the passenger seat of his car, ready to follow your family to the restaurant, you saw that his shoulders were tense, and his jaw clenched. He wouldn't look at you.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said a little too quickly as he pulled out onto the street. You kept looking at him, and eventually he let out a sigh.

"Family stuff again?" you asked.

"It's miserable there," he responded, keeping his voice low as he always did when he talked about his parents. Being vulnerable was difficult for him, but he was able to manage it with you.

"I'm sorry," you told him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"It's only gotten worse since I've turned 18," he continued. "It's like all the expectations they've placed on me my entire life should have suddenly manifested as soon as I became an adult, and because they haven't, and they won't, they're taking it out on me."

Baxter's voice got even lower, and there was a pain to it as he added, "It's unbearable."

You tried to comfort him as best you could, but the drive to the tropical place was a short one, and soon he was pulling into a parking space beside your parents. He took a breath, shot you another fake smile, then got out.

After you'd been seated and your orders had been taken, Baxter cleared his throat. The attention turned to him, and he began speaking.

"I have a bit of an announcement," he began. "I've been keeping it to myself until all the details were hammered out, but now I can share: I'll be headed east to start college in the fall. Virginia, to be precise. For a degree in business."

Your mothers were quick to congratulate him -- he'd become like a third child to them, so it was natural they'd be proud. Lee clapped her hands together, and Liz even joined in, but you just stared at him in shock.

You'd talked about your future plans, of course, and you knew Baxter was going to college but you assumed it would be somewhere nearby. Moving across the country was something someone would discuss with their best friend, but he'd kept you completely in the dark. It hurt.

Baxter answered your family's questions and thanked them for their support, but then he turned to you. You shared a look for a moment.

"If you'll excuse me, I believe I'd like to stretch my legs for just a moment before dinner arrives," he said, standing. He looked down to you, and held out his arm. "Care to join me?"

Without a word, you took his arm once again and followed him to the entrance.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," he said quietly, leaning in to speak to you. "If I'm being honest, I didn't know how."

"So you thought it would have been best to tell me like this? When do you even leave, in a month?"

"Three weeks," he corrected. You scoffed.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, grasping your hands and pulling them up to his chest. "I truly am. If there was a way I could stay, I would, and I have to believe you know that. I don't want to leave you, I need to leave them."

His parents. That was the reason for the cross-country move. He was running away.

There was something about his closeness, his hands gripping yours close to his heart that became too much. You loved him, and he was leaving. And as long as his parents lived in the area, you doubted he'd ever want to come back.

"I have to go," you said, pulling your hands back. He began to say something, but you raised your hand to stop him, then left the restaurant.

You felt tears welling up in your eyes and decided to take a seat in your mom's car to have a moment to yourself. You unlocked the back door with a shaky hand and climbed in, then let everything out.

Baxter had been there for over half your life at this point. His presence was a constant, something you could always count on. You'd spent countless days together, and so many nights after he started sneaking in your window for impromptu sleepovers when he couldn't stand being in his own house anymore. You couldn't imagine things being so different.

After a bit, you steadied your breath and wiped your face. When you felt steady enough, you moved to get out, but then you spotted a flash of black and white illuminated by a streetlight.

There was Baxter, leaning against the trunk of his car, waiting for you.

You couldn't help but smile, and at that moment he turned back and caught your eye. He gave a cautious smile back, then tapped on the window.

"Care for some company?" he asked when you opened the door.

And so he crawled in the backseat with you, and before you could say anything, he had his arms around you, pulling you close to his chest. He laid a kiss on top of your head, then rested his cheek there.

"I'm not going to be gone for good," he told you. "And honestly I'm a little ashamed of myself if I've let you believe you could get rid of me this easily."

"You're going to be on the other side of the continent, Baxter."

"I'll visit you. You'll visit me. We'll have summer breaks." He kissed your head again and pulled you even closer, then said, "It's four years, darling. You're stuck with me for a lifetime."

You snuggled into him, basking in his affection. He wasn't always this sweet, finding it more comfortable to joke and tease, but in moments like these, it was harder not to fall more deeply in love with him.

A few more minutes passed in comfortable silence, then you told him that you'd better get back to the restaurant. He agreed, and you stepped out of the car. Just before you got to the door, he stopped and turned to face you.

"There is one more thing I feel the need to say," he started. "Something I should have told you long ago."

Taking a look at his expression, you got nervous. He was about to tell you something serious. His expression was hard to read, but when you saw his eyes dart down to your lips, you stopped him.

"We better get going," you said, stepping toward the doors. "Maybe we can talk about this another time."

Baxter looked at you a moment longer, swallowed, then smiled.

"Yes. Another time."

[by-kilian]

Update

Hi everyone! I know I've been pretty quiet on here but I just wanted to let you all know I'm still here.

Few housekeeping things first though!

If you haven't noticed already, my AO3 is still here BUT it is now locked to registered users only meaning you need to have an account if you want to read my works. This is to combat the heavy amount of bots commenting/scraping/and AI shit that fanfic has faced within the last two years. It's only gotten worse as time goes on and it really sucks, because I hate to put my works behind a wall for guest readers. But it's not as if they're gone, they're just tucked away. Still, with that note, I want to recommend that you download my stories if you enjoy them so that you can keep them for personal use. I recommend downloading ANY fics if you enjoy them, but especially now with so much AI stealing going on. I know myself and many other authors are not opposed to scrubbing our works off the internet as much as possible if this goes on, and while I don't hope for that to happen, it's always a possibility so just a heads up to download anything you love (by anyone, not just me!)

I no longer accept anon asks. I am so deeply sorry to those of you who spoke to me on anon and were always lovely and sweet, but it will not be turned back on. I can't be arsed dealing with peoples' shite when all I do is stay to myself and write 😂. However, if you want to talk to me but would prefer a level of anonymity, please send me a message with ❌ <- this emoji in it. I will answer you PRIVATELY, and it will go straight to your tumblr inbox. I speak to one of my readers this way exclusively and it always works really well :), so if you're open to that, feel free to send me an ask. I don't bite.

I do plan to write the epilogue for STH soon but as you can tell, I'm giving myself a bit of a break. Seeing that it is the epilogue, I feel a little more comfortable leaving some time between the update since the story technically has its proper ending, but I do plan to write the epilogue. Just been a bit busy juggling a lot of things at the moment. <3 But when I find time, I will write and post it.

Thank you all for your love and support, hope everyone is doing well and staying safe esp if it's summer where you are!

[sweetlilbird]

Hey guys, I feel like I need to be honest with you all.

I'm sure you've noticed (or maybe not) that I've been having a pretty sparse upload schedule of my fics. It was definitely NOT intentional; in May of last year, I made a huge, unexpected move hours away to protect myself from my transphobic parents. It was hard - I was broke (tbh I still am) and emotionally drained. If it weren't for my boyfriend and his family, I don't think I would be here today. As a result, I wasn't able to write as much. I think I uploaded a chapter that I had pre-written at that time, and then practically disappeared. I'm still really sorry for leaving you all with cliff hangers like that. Life is still incredibly busy for me even now, I just started school again to hopefully finish my bachelor's degree and it's been nice, but college is very exhausting. During this summer, I was able to write a few chapters as a buffer, but I struggled with finding the time to edit and post. I also had the unforeseen issue of struggling to write a female reader insert as I started to transition...I know, a weird thing to be dysphoric about, but I've mostly gotten over that.

Apologies for rambling, but the main purpose of the post is to explain what this all means for my current and future fics.

Well, for Where the Daffodils Grow and And The June Bugs Sing, it doesn't mean very much. I'm slowly coming back to writing for the first fic, and I don't plan on resuming the other fic until I have completely written WTDG. That doesn't mean I'll be waiting until it's all posted - I've been keeping up with some buffer chapters, just in case I do get too busy one week and I'm unable to write for some reason. As of right now, I have about 4 (including the one I'll be posting this week) buffer chapters written. In the plot line, we actually only have one arc left after this (which is exciting and scary! ahh), and once it's completed I will begin to post for ATJBS.

For my future fics (and regarding All of The Stars):

I will no longer be writing exclusively female (or woman presenting) reader inserts. I know this may be a bummer for most of my readers, and I can't apologize enough for that. My focus will be primarily on trans masc, non-binary, and gender neutral readers from now on. If I include smut, they may still be AFAB, but I will also write for AMAB readers as well. This is mainly because of the huge lack in gender neutral/male reader inserts. As for how All of The Stars relates to this, the reader will no longer be female and I am actually shifting it to be a specifically trans masc reader. Again, I apologize to my readers who were really looking forward to that fic, I hope you'll still enjoy the writing, even if you can't really insert yourself too much into it anymore.

Whew, okay, now that all of the important info is out of the way, I can properly thank you all. From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely thank every single one of you for reading my fics, commenting and leaving kudos. I still go back and read every single comment that anyone has left for me! Even if I don't respond (which I am so bad at responding, sorry!), know that I still read them and they all make me smile. I look forward to everyone's reactions to the rest of Where The Daffodils Grow, as well as the new fics that I have planned! If you guys have any questions at all, feel free to send an ask or message me. I will try to respond as quickly as I can.

Seriously, you guys are the best!

With love, sweetlilbird

[ihavenosoul12]

OKAY SO i haven't written for gotham/riddler for a few months and i've never written an x reader fic but i wanted to write a thankyou present for @finniestoncrane!! it's a bit late for christmas but i hope you enjoy it.

just got some good old one-sided pining, revenge theft and a brief near murder. the perfect recipe for a reader x riddler oneshot

word count: 2081

also btw i'm doing comms sorry for posting on a christmas present but i really need some cash check out my carrd in my bio ty for even just perceiving it

When you’d dropped out of Metropolis-U and wondered what the hell you were gonna do with the next five years of your life, the one thing you hadn’t considered was whatever the hell Gotham is, or whatever the hell this heist is.

The night sky is briefly littered with green sparkles and that’s your cue. You’d gotten a hell of a lecture from the brains of the operation - that’s what he called himself and glared as you giggled about it - and could probably recite the plan ten times fast to the GCPD if they caught you. If. They kind of suck at their job. After all, they’re too busy chasing down the brains to even notice you sneaking into the club they’re supposed to guard.

Penguin was always a shitty hire; that’s why you’re working with his ex instead. You slink in through an open window (summer in this city was brutal but seriously? It’s like Penguin wants to get robbed) and duck underneath the familiar bar. Ooh, Belvedere, don’t mind if I do, you barely keep yourself from saying out loud as you sneak it into your bag, scanning the rest of the bar for anything else worth taking. The fancy martini glasses are a bit out of your way and you doubt they’ll survive the journey you have to endure before getting to clink them together with your partner. Partner in crime, that is. Though it would be nice-

Shit, a camera, you spot its red glare as it swivels around. Selina needs to be better at her job. Your frustration comes out as flared nostrils and a slump against the bar. Your earpiece wiggles in the flesh of your, well, ear, as Mr Brains speaks: “Where are you?” It’s not concern, it never is with him, but impatience. It’s been maybe a minute but since his bird boyfriend turned archnemesis’ lounge hasn’t exploded yet, he’s sure something’s gone wrong and he’s absolutely fucking certain it’s all your fault. 

“Bar- yes-” you add before he can even think to assume you mean a different bar, “-in the lounge. Cat didn’t do a good job getting rid of the cameras.”

“Oh.” Then he chortles, breaking out into a mad laugh that makes you mad at and for him. “I asked her to leave one.” He has the privilege of an outburst against you but you can’t exactly scream back at him, not without alerting the underpaid security. He also has to be loud otherwise you’d never hear him over the sirens closing in. 

“What?” You hiss, keeping your voice low. “Why the hell-”

“To test you, of course! What’s the point of having a thief who can’t sneak past a itty bitty camera?”

Okay, now you’re just mad at him. “What’s the point of having a thief who can’t steal the thing you’re looking for because you got them in jail?!” He has the audacity to shush you as the sirens on his end get louder and louder, then your other ear picks up on distant sirens closing in and several cars whoosh past the club before the sirens fade out. “Why are you bringing them here?!”

“It’s not by choice, you imbecile.” Such cute pet names he gives you. Truly, what did Penguin see in him? “Lucky you, you have me to make choices- I’ll deactivate the camera from here.”

“I’m not playing into your mind games, Riddler,” you grumble as the red eye glaring around the room begins to blink, trying to keep itself awake- alive. Its last words are a beep dipping down into the lower octaves and the lens drops to face the floor, staring at nothing. You poke your head above the bar - nothing, no one, but you still hesitate on standing straight, checking the rest of the cameras. No red glares, not even the humming whirs of them turning their heads to stare. “That camera probably saw me come in thanks to your little stunt.”

“And? Just means Oswald will definitely notice he’s been robbed.” There’s that laugh again, satisfied at almost jeopardising his mission just to play with his meal. You can imagine with excruciating detail the way his jaw hangs near lopsided and loose, how he’ll eye himself in the rearview mirror and lick his teeth and he won’t even consider how he could have gotten you in trouble. Anything to spite Penguin. “Just get the diamond.”

Rolling your eyes, you vault over the bar - shorter than average to make Penguin less insecure so you barely have to expend effort - and dart across the room to a corner to duck around, maybe pocketing the little things you find along the way. The sirens fade in and fade out again and his manic laughter begins to hurt your ear. “Be quiet or I’m muting you.”

“You will not!” He barks and you almost laugh yourself. Men and their tantrums. He stammers for a reason to keep listening to him - you know the way around the club pretty well, you know where the diamond is, and you can hear the sirens your-goddamn-self. “I’ll activate the cameras!” 

“Then I won’t get the diamond,” you respond coolly. “Or I will and then I’ll sell it.” An evil idea crosses your mind. “Or-”

“No,” he gapes.

“I’ll give it to-”

“Don’t you dare even say it-”

“Cat-”

“That little brat wouldn’t know what to do with it!”

“Maybe Jim Gordon would appreciate it-”

“I hate that goody-two-shoes.”

“Or maybe even back to Penguin.”

“HOW DARE YOU!” It’s not just him screeching, it’s the goddamn tyres too.

“Then don’t turn the cameras on, handsome, and let me have some quiet to think.”

He grumbles like a kid told no cookies before dinner and you’re blessed with some silence as he mutes himself. You sigh, maybe too loud, and from the corner, you scamper to the stairs leading up to where Penguin ‘hides’ the diamond. A generous way to put it; he doesn’t hide the damn thing, he has it in the centre of his room so he can coo over it and brag about it and show it to every poor soul who has the misfortune of talking to him.

“Hiii.” And the other star of the show - Zsasz. Of course he couldn’t take one day off, he’s not even sipping a milkshake. Nope, just a gun in his hand, which you are currently lacking. “Here for the diamond? That’s not yours.”

You cough to the speaker to get Riddler’s attention - these days it’s noticeably sparse but thank God it works, he groans at you but you speak over him. “Well, Zsasz, it will be mine soon enough. When I steal it.”

“Zsasz is there?” Panic begins to lace his tone and you can hear the squeaking leather of 'his' car. “That bastard…”

Zsasz raises his gun toward your ear. “Cute earring, I’ll have that.”

“Tradesies?” You try. “Diamond for the earpiece.”

“Haha,” he doesn’t actually laugh. “No.” His eyes flicker to his empty hand, he's noticed the lack of milkshake and he clearly wants one. You, on the other hand, want to live so you take his lapse in focus as an opportunity to run. Not into a safe corner, that'd be smart, but you near tackle the diamond, smashing its casing on the floor but catching the jewel in your hand, all in the blink of an eye. 

Your stunt startles Zsasz; his finger too as it tugs prematurely at the trigger and even he, skilled marksman as he is, can't aim quick to redirect it. It fires into a wall and he swears. Definitely coming out of his pay. He won't make that mistake again, his eyes stiffen and this time he swivels around to you. You're still on the ground from your tackle, glass shards crunch below your clothes and definitely cut into it so it's an easy shot for him. You're staring right down the barrel of his gun. 

"Wait, wait, don't shoot!" You plea, holding your hands - and the diamond - up in surrender. "Come on, Victor, we used to work together! You like me! We're friends!" Yeah it's all total bullshit but it's total bullshit that's stalling for time - Zsasz can't help but humour you; he tilts his head back and forth, his eyes look up at the ceiling, puckering his lips in pretend thought, he even waves the gun slightly, only returning it into position when the glass shifts under you. 

"I've worked with a lot of people," he shuts you down. Your terrified gulp is for show but he cracks a little smile at it. "Sorry."

"You will be." It's not you saying it, you're really not in position to make threats, but it isn't a new voice either. In fact, he's been here all along in your ear - but now he's getting his hands dirty. The Riddler stands in the doorway, his own gun in his hand pointed at Zsasz who slowly turns his gaze. Too slow to fire back against the gunshot but quick enough to notice it and lurch out the way enough that it only hits his shoulder. Riddler uses his long legs to both of your benefits as he makes it to you in half the amount of steps you had to take, then he yanks you to just about on your feet before he runs out the room with you in tow. 

"You saved me!" You gape. 

Of course he has to correct you and ruin the moment: "I saved the diamond." Nevertheless, he doesn't do the much simpler task of prying it from your fingers and leaving you to die but you already know he'll blame that on Zsasz definitely targeting him. ("I'm Oswald's rivalllll," he'll say, though you add the whiny tone in your head. "He'll be under strict orders to capture meeee. He doesn't care about some nobody who worked on his bar!") Whatever excuse he gives later, you'll currently take as a kind gesture and only that. Don't go getting your hopes up - that's how you became a dropout.

He doesn't stop running until he gets back to 'his' car. Sleek, black, new and understandable why it was his target. Probably a Wayne make, you haven't lived in Gotham long enough to know the ins and outs of Wayne and you're definitely not in his marketing team's demographic. Maybe, in another life, Riddler could have been, because the car suits him as he sits down behind the wheel and drives. 

One hand on the wheel, he plucks the diamond from your hands. "Keep us on the road," he commands as he inspects it instead of driving, taking his one hand off. You lean over him, only briefly able to glower at him before having to watch the road. His legs awkwardly shift under your stomach and chest, almost anxiously but you're probably making that up in your head. When he presses his thighs (not that there's much of them) together however you reconsider calling yourself delusional. 

Suddenly the diamond is thrown at the window, then the window is rolled down and the diamond is finally thrown out of it. You let go of the wheel immediately and he lurches forward to take it, steaming angrily. So are you. "What the hell?! I almost died for that!" 

"It's a fake," he mumbles bitterly. "Oswald's hidden the real one. He wanted my attention and he got it. He thinks he's so smart."

"I almost died for a fake diamond! You're supposed to be the brains here!" You put your hand on his skinny thigh and squeezed tight in frustration like he was a stress ball. He didn't bat your hand away. He did however roll his eyes and ignore you. "Just forget Penguin, you're just toying with each other to no end. You make schemes, he outwits them, he makes schemes, you outwit them." You desperately wanted to squeeze his thigh, touch his cheek, and be a comfort to him, to run your hand down further and not have a gun in your face. You wanted him to meet your eyes, never mind if there was oncoming traffic, and want for you. 

"I'm not giving up. I won't back down- won't give him that satisfaction. I'll get him. One day I'll really get him." 

Removing your hand from his thigh, you set it in your lap and gaze out the window to force yourself to an understanding: you'll never really get him. 

[tired-reader-writer]

*deep breath*

HOO BOI AM I INCREDIBLY NERVOUS.

The first outfit is just a very casual, home wear type of thing, I suppose! It's not much but he can just throw a coat on if he has to like say, receive a guest or meet someone or go out. Since I assigned the season spring to him for numerous reasons, I wanted to give this outfit soft spring sort of colours:

“Long associated with the cycle of life, birth/rebirth, and renewal/resurrection, the Vernal Equinox – Spring – signifies a time when light and darkness carry equal weight, creeping towards the Summer Solstice when the sun holds sway, extending the light of day.”

Hence, light green!

Those are almond flowers on his clothes, and as for my reasons for choosing almond flowers...

Buckle up babes, we're going on an Almond Journey.

“Highly revered in many cultures, the almond symbolizes watchfulness and promise of new life, as this tree is the first to burst into bloom in many countries. For the Jews, the almond branch was the model for the menorah, and for the Christians, it is a symbol of Jesus’ virgin birth. The almond blossom is also a symbol of bravery and courage, purity, hope, and love. From Greek mythology, the almond blossom is a symbol of eternal true love, unconquerable by death.”

×

“Blossoming branches of fruit and nut trees hold a special place in our ancestors’ collective unconscious. To them, the blossoms were sacred and held the Goddess’ promise of life and abundance. Ancient Romans revered the blossoming almond, showering newlyweds with the nuts as a fertility charm.

For our modern human psyche, the seemingly sudden bursts of color remind us of an eternal cycle of fresh starts, a recurring miracle. One day cocooned buds add diminutive points of color to dark branches. Overnight, the buds unfold into tiny blossoms, multi-petaled gems. Life begins anew, offering the promise of sustenance as the year ripens.”

Almond flowers bloom in spring, his assigned season (also, do you know how much of a hassle it was to find out when they bloom?? Google is such an asshat, it keeps giving mixed answers like “oh almonds are harvested in autumn” LIKE NO DUDE I WANT TO KNOW WHEN THEY BLOOM JFC—) (ahem anyways) and spring is... new beginnings, a fresh start, youth, idealism, that sort of stuff, right? And due to the role he plays in the AU (giving the clan a new start and some land to settle on, he's very idealistic and even though he matures he never lets go of said ideals, I've been wanting to write a scene where he “sat in vigil” alone as his two little ones slept kinda watching over them but I have not gotten to it I am so sorry, and while I'm guessing that the eternal true love business is supposed to be of romantic love I'm stretching it to include both romantic and platonic loves— aka he's a devoted and loyal husband to Kazai but also he will never stop treasuring Ayunnen and Kashi til the day he dies. And of course, there's no way he's gonna stop loving his little brother, and also his son.) almonds/almond flowers felt quite fitting. Also the Alborz mountains have almond trees, though I fucking forgot if almond trees originated from said mountain range. They probably did, iirc? Anyways, geographically it was a fit. (You have no idea how many times I've visited the Wikipedia page of the mountain range, bless them)

And the fact that it was used in wedding ceremonies is justba cherry on top. Not like he and Kazai are gonna need the fertility charm though LMAO

Anyways, moving onto the next one, it's just the same type of clothes as the first + a coat, suited for less relaxed settings! I tend to associate him with red, I wish I knew why, maybe it's his eyes, and I thought he'd look good in red so here he is, in red. A purple coat over that, and I tend to think of purple as the “family/household colour” as opposed to “personal colour” so I just made it the outermost layer, the “family/household colour” worn overtop the more personal colours, for more... I don't want to say formal, that's too stuffy for what I have in mind, but for like situations where he's not just with close/loved ones in a relaxed setting. That's also why I deliberately chose not to include purple in his first outfit. I thought I didn't have much to say about this one but huh, looks like I had a bit more than I initially thought. The yellow just looked nice on purple, haha. Though I did choose a softer, brighter yellow than what I'd give Kazai, to invoke the spring feel.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, WE ARRIVE AT HIS WEDDING OUTFIT. BOI I WENT HAM ON THIS ONE AND I THINK YOU CAN TELL. I have like. SO MANY THOUGHTS.

First of all, GREEN. Green is the favored wedding colour of the clan, and he's wearing lots of green to honor that. @innerchorus said he'd look good in green and I wholeheartedly agree. Look at him.

The pin I'm having him wear on his innermost layer is supposed to be of an ash tree seed, though I did take some creative liberty with the design so uh, does it look like an ash tree seed anymore? Anyhow, the reason for choosing it is:

What do the seeds of ash, sycamore and maple trees have in common? They all are enclosed in a wing-like structure that helps them disperse - away from the parent plant and indeed each other.

It was just smth I saw on some tumblr post, and I was like... “so the apple fell faraway from the tree” and kinda interpreted this as him distancing himself from his parents' deeds and attitudes to pave his own path. He did not agree with their actions and thought processes. The mountain range does have ash trees, too! So yeah.

As for the leaves on the red parts of his outermost robe, I did choose a very particular tree's leaves, and said tree is Persian Ironwood!

Parrotia persica, the Persian ironwood, is a deciduous tree in the family Hamamelidaceae, closely related to the witch-hazel genus Hamamelis. It is native to Iran's Caspian region (where it is called انجیلی anjili) and Iranian Azerbaijan (where it is called Dəmirağacı). It is endemic in the Alborz mountains, where it is found mainly in Golestan National Park.

And Golestan is:

Golestān Province (Persian: استان گلستان, Ostān-e Golestān) is one of the 31 provinces of Iran, located in the north-east of the country and south-east of the Caspian Sea. Its capital is Gorgan.

Oh but I'm not done yet. That's not the only reason I chose this tree,

The name 'ironwood' comes from the almost indestructible nature of the tree's timber which may explain why it is not commercially grown. Herbalists have used the species for the treatment of various fevers and respiratory infections. It is also used for food colouring and food flavouring.

Ironwood is a common name for many woods or plants that have a reputation for hardness, or specifically a wood density that is heavier than water.

The wood is beyond strong, toughest in the face of floods, axes, and anything else.

I've even seen ironwoods described to have “unyielding strength”. Shapur, as I see him, is a very strict and stern (hence hard) man, but he is fair too. Maybe he and Kazai choose to plant an ironwood sapling? Undecided as of yet but I like the idea. I decided to include this in place of an entire tree like on Kazai's robe, mainly because I couldn't fit it on here but I still wanted to incorporate something for it. Tried making the leaves white, it clashed badly with the red imo, so... yeah.

The necklace! I feel like it's kinda lackluster but... I chose to stick with it. You'll see some similar choices as in Kazai's necklace, like the three repeating colours and such. There's also a wolf, I wanted more wolves on his actual clothes but... like with the tree, no place to put them on without it being cramped/jarring so... sadly I couldn't. The wolf is both Isfan and Areyan. His second layer, I really liked the asymmetrical trim look on his first outfit so I repeated that here, and of course, more almonds. This time it's the almond seeds, to reference the wedding thing. I tried to incorporate the colours from Kazai's wedding attire onto this too, to hopefully give a more cohesive feel. And as for the embroidery/detailing on the purple layer... I tried a bunch of times and decided this was nice. Also I wanted more pink on his clothes so... pink I included. In hindsight I probably should've included more white, this outfit doesn't have much white. But that could be in my favour too, since it could be said it's because Shapur doesn't follow that faith so he doesn't have as much but he still chose to honor it in subtle ways.

The ornaments on his braids, I don't know if they can be seen but there's dark blue beads! I probably should've chosen a lighter colour but... that's Kashi's colour, haha. And the white string was for Ayunnen. I like to think that that ornament originally belonged to Kashi (maybe she wore it at her own wedding), that Kazai gifted to Shapur instead of wearing it in his own hair.

I tried to reuse the colours from Kazai's wedding clothes sleeve for the trim on the neck of the purple layer but somehow in my eyes the colours didn't work so I scrapped that and included silver/white instead, and a lighter purple instead of the pink of Kazai's puffy collar shirt layer— hence why I included that pink on the bottom instead. The earrings... I just thought they looked nice, haha.

So this is it!! This was... A Trip™ to write, and I can only hope it'll be A Trip™ to read too. If nothing else my mental gymnastics should be rather entertaining.

[f1-disaster-bi]

life got in the way a bit, but here's what I've got so far for summer job au :) (also sorry it's formatted weird, tumblr clearly didn't like me copy and pasting)

> Pierre knows his reputation. He's not blind to the looks he has thrown his way, or deaf to the rumours that are regularly refreshed and circulated. He's a fuckboy, a player, a flirt. He's self-absorbed and only in it for himself, be that his love life or his love for competition.

Pierre knows his reputation, knows it isn't changing any time soon, and he can live with that. With summer coming up, he won't have to deal with the comments from his classmates, or the looks when he bumps into people he knows when he's out in town with his friends. He's decided he's just going to play 'hot lifeguard' at his summer job working at the pool, and enjoy the time away from school.

Or so he'd assumed.

Charles is standing on his doorstep four days into the summer break with an expression Pierre can only describe as adorably pathetic. His best friend is sheepishly dragging the toes of his white trainers across the porch, scuffing them in a way that makes Pierre's eye twitch.

"I'm so sorry, Pierre."

"What?"

Charles fidgets, shifting his weight and it's now that he can see the little book sticking out of his younger friend's hoodie pocket.

"You got into the art camp?" He asks, excitement starting to bubble up.

"I uh- yes?"

"That's great! I'm so happy for you." Charles splutters as he pulls him into a hug and Pierre can only laugh at the confusion on the other's face.

"You're not mad I won't be here for summer?"

"Oh Charlie of course not! I'm working most of it anyway, and you got in! I even heard Lando isn't going to be there either."

Pierre snorts at the flash of irritation that the younger boy's name brings across Charles' face. Even just the word 'Lando' is enough to have his friend pouting. It's even funnier that Lando has no idea that he's Charles' 'arch nemesis'.

"Good. Probably didn't even get offered, the condescending twat." Charles grumps, folding his arms across his chest with a slight smirk.

Pierre just laughs softly, tugging his friend in for a quick hug and a squeeze before letting him go. "So when do you leave?"

"Uh, tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?!"

"I'm sorry?" Charles tries to grin endearingly and Pierre flicks his nose. "I know, that's why I came to tell you today. I needed to say it to your face and get you to forgive me."

He rolls his eyes, sighing with fond exasperation, then reaches out to pinch Charles' cheek. He laughs again when Charles swats at his hand. "I'll forgive you then, but only if you make me something cool to stick on the wall in my gaming room."

"Done!" Charles chirps, bouncing on his toes before pulling his phone from his back pocket. "I've got to go, need to pack for camp, but I'll text you!"

"You better!" He calls with a wave as Charles heads home.

Pierre closes the door once his best friend is out of sight, leaning back against it with a sigh. He truly is happy for Charles, his friend is so talented of course he'd gotten into the prestigious art camp he'd been stressing over, but it will mean his summer will be a little lonelier than he'd hoped for. He can only pray that his own 'arch nemesis' will be away for the summer.

He had wanted to go the football camp, but he wants to buy his own car so he doesn't have to share with his mother, and the only way he's doing that is if he saves up. Working at the local pool didn't sound like a bad idea, and he's got a good set of hours so it should keep him busy. His evening gets better when Charles texts him a string of celebratory emojis, followed by a screenshot of a group chat he hasn't checked yet. There's one message in particular that Charles has obviously drawn over, highlighting and circling it and adding a smiley face. 'Max V-N on footie camp for pretty much all of summer, no dealing with him'. So his prayers have been answered.

OOOOOOOOOO ANON

I'm loving this little snippet that you've come up with!!! Charles would definetly feel guilty about leaving his bestie alone for the summer and poor Pierre would hate the rumours about himself 🥺

[remmammie]

Hey! I recently got back into Tumblr and I'm so glad I found your content. I'm enjoying it sooo much!

I would like to make a request if that's okay! Is there anyway you can do one of sora x reader (fem or gn) meeting for the first time? Like a love at first site? And one of Riku or Roxas too??? If not it's okay. ❤️❤️❤️

I'm so glad you've enjoyed my content thus far! But I'm also sorry I've left your lovely request for so long!! Despite it being my summer break off of college, I've been super busy, especially now I have a real job!

I apologise that I couldn't think of anything for Roxas, but I had lots of inspiration for Sora and Riku! I’ll definitely fill another request for Roxas, I just felt his would be too similar to the others’. I hope you enjoy it and sorry again for leaving it so long!

Love at First Sight - Sora + Riku (seperate) x Reader HCs

Sora

Sora’s already a very friendly person so, upon meeting someone new and discovering they have a mutual interest in talking and getting to know one another, Sora is already very enthusiastic. He holds his friends very close to his heart and, of course, this mean he already treasures your friendliness at first sight.

However, something strikes Sora as different. He can already grasp the fact that, yes, you are very attractive to him, but moving beyond and understanding the difference between aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction is a barrier for Sora.

This is a very different feeling from when he, say, met Kairi for the first time when she arrived on Destiny Islands. In some ways it was similar: Kairi is was (and still is) a very pretty young lady; he had that feeling of brief anxiety when meeting a new person, assessing whether she intended to bring him any harm or if she was friendly; and the excitement of discovering how interesting her personality was. He went through all of these stages with you too but something was definitely different.

And, in the limited time you’ve known each other, Sora wracks his brain for reasons why you are so “unusual.” Conversations he’s had with people spring into his mind, little talks he’s had with the Princesses of Heart about their princes. Of course, that glorious word crops up a lot too: “love.”

Trying to apply it to a concept he already knows, Sora checks off all of the symptoms like this “love at first sight” phenomenon is akin to an illness: the racing heart, the urge to keep them close, the need to protect them, the pure adoration...the list continues.

Ultimately, all this thinking happens in the silent span of a few seconds and you have to wave Sora out of his little trance. He’s startled, apologising and bright red, not quite sure if he should express how he feels straight away. Give him a bit of time and some special moments together and he’ll wrack up the courage to say those beautiful three words.

Riku

Unlike Sora, Riku doesn’t view the world with the same rose-tinted glasses and, upon meeting a new person, he’s a lot more defensive and secretive. Trusting people always have good intentions has gotten him and his friends into a plethora of dangerous situations and he’d rather not repeat all that.

Still, you get him to crack a smile quicker than anyone else he knows despite his initial attitude and this is extremely confusing for Riku. He knows there’s really no harm in laughing at a stranger’s joke (no matter how terrible it was,) but Riku sees it as a window of vulnerability and is quick to freeze up again.

Thus, your initial meeting with Riku turns into a back and forth of breaking down a brick wall only for him to build it back up again. It’s easy for you to see that this poor boy clearly hasn’t had a great past with trusting strangers so you might decide to take a different approach.

Tell him about yourself, your own struggles with untrustworthy people and with the powers of darkness - Riku will find it a lot easier to trust people he knows has been through the same experiences as him.

And, with his mental barrier separating the both of you finally gone, Riku recognises the feeling hitting him as love. Again, this infatuations scares him, but you’ve lovingly opened your heart to him, so he figures he should do the same.

He doesn’t bare all of his feelings for you straight away, but makes sure that you know how much he admires and trusts you the first time you meet so that, when you next meet, maybe he can tell you how deeply those feelings truly run.

[luminoushane]

Been making a TOH x RWBY au and accidentally made it Frosen steel 😭😭 they are inevitable.

Anyways-

It's under the cut!!

Enter Ruby Rose. Typical kid with anxiety back in school. Totally not half witch, with a witchy dad and a witchy half-sister, nope. Totally normal. (Lies)

Summer rose (who is alive) is pretty busy with her new job, bit she can't leave poor, 14 year old Ruby alone all the time in the house.

So what does she do? Why, send her off to a magical world with her dad and her sister for the summer, or course!

Yang and Ruby get along so well it's scary. Tai and Qrow now have two monsters on their home.

"wdym you don't have summer break here? That's tragic. Can I go to witchy school too?"

So she does

At first, Ozpin was a little hesitant to let in a half witch bc of the bullying she might endure. But Tai proposed that it was only for a few months, and Ruby would leave anyway

He agrees. "Don't get in trouble" he says

She gets in trouble

Oh no. She befriends Blake, who wanted to "get even" with this white haired girl for being so mean to her . This white haired girl who turns out to be Weiss Schnee herself.

Blake and Ruby are friends but only bc Blake owes her one but y'know what she's nice Blake thinks,,, a little sister, mayhaps. A little sister indeed when she sees her older sister, "hoo boy is it hot in here or is it you- wait no. Keep it together, Blake"

Weiss does not like Ruby at all "what are you doing here, hybrid? Shouldn't you be on you stupid human School? Or are you not allowed there too?"

Ruby: "Oh god you're scary, pls don't 🙏 we can be friends :D??? Oh she left..."

Weiss, in her head: "who the fuck is god?"

Ruby runs along the woods and encounters a beast, a BEAST! WONDERFUL! SHE CAN SHOW OFF HOW WELL SHE CAN FIGHt and she doesn't have magic. Oh well. It's been a good few days. Oh, someone saved her

"hey, are you okay?" The stranger with the sweetest voice asks. She even has this pretty white cape and gold belt and- oh it's an emperor's coven guard. One who apparently, must be from the higher-ups, considering the gold mask.

"fine. I'm fine" Ruby looks away bc ohhhhhh she has such a pretty voice gay panic gay panic g-

"you must be the half witch, no? I've heard so much about you." "Good things, I hope?" "..." "...good things, right?..."

After that incident, she now has a mysterious guard friend.

Weiss still dislikes her, a lot. And it doesn't help that her sister and Blake are too busy flirting with each other. One faithful day, she catches resident bully; Cardin Winchester, talking to Weiss. It doesn't sound good at all, they sound aggressive. It's an argument. Ruby couldn't hear much, but Weiss seemed intimidated when Cardin stepped closer, a spell circle ready. Oh, that wasn't gonna fly.

"Hey, leave her alone" says local half witch who hasn't mastered what little magic she has. Cardin laughs bc c'mon she's so short and tiny what can she do

Oh she took karate classes

Oh woe is Ruby who got sent to detention

(she met team jnpr there!)

Weiss is waiting for her outside the school. "Are you crazy, hybrid? You could've gotten expelled!" "Well, you could've gotten hurt!" "I can defend myself, thank you very much. I'm stronger than you! I have magic!"

Ruby looks down "right..." Weiss grabs her wrist and inspects it. "He grabbed your hand very hard, does it hurt? Why would you even do that? You think you're some strong hero? You could've gotten killed!"

Ruby looks up at her, fascinated. "Oh... Uhm, sorry." She pulls away and runs back home.

Slams door open "YANG I HAVE A CRUSHES WHAT DO"

"A WHAT"

Ruby explains like "So this one girl the other day was soooo nice to me and saved me and she has such a pretty voice and today I got sent to detention for protecting Weiss and after that she was worried I'd get hurt and she held my hand and she was checking if I had bruises and she tucked her pretty white hair behind her ear and-" "YOU GOT WHAT"

Ruby has been meeting up with her new guard friend. She's never seen her face :/. When Ruby asks about it, she goes "Just promise me you won't tell anyone, okay?" And Ruby lifts up the mask and stares at the green eyes of a cute redhead with a pretty smile.

RUBY FALLS OVER GOOD B Y E

"My name is Penny. You don't have to call me "miss guard" anymore 😅 it feels... Weird"

"okay pretty- I MEAN PENNY"

"also? Thanks for saving my girlfriend back there. She's said some good things about you today."

"your what"

Ruby goes back home, dejected. "YAAANNGGHHH THEY'RE DATING EACH OTHER! I AM LITERALLY THE EPITOME OF GRIEF AND LONELINESS! IMAGINE! YOU HAVING A CRUSH ON TWO PEOPLE! THEN THEY'RE DATING!"

"ask both of them out"

"huh"

"Ruby it's 2021. Polyamory exists."

"huh you have a point. Maybe... Maybe..."

[aritany]

hi aren.

i've been querying for about 7 months now, including the summer lull where not many agents are open to queries and are closed for review. not one agent has requested a partial or a full. not one.

i woke up to another rejection that basically said "i would've championed this project if the first ten pages were more gripping" which hurt like hell because if i get any reason for rejection, it's usually that. i have spent too much time revamping those first ten pages and gotten too much praise for the rest of the book to be a good judge of if they're gripping anymore, but i honestly don't know what to do.

i have another project i could feasibly query. it's always the thing of "the thing i'm writing right now would be such the perfect thing to query just you wait" haha, but i am seriously wondering if i should just give up on this book. it's such a perfect debut novel, and i do remember you talking about hearing "your book is good, just not good enough" on submissions, and yet you got a publisher, which is even harder than getting an agent, so i've heard. and you didn't have to change anything about your book, you just had to wait for the right one.

i did have expectations in my head when i started--i'd read that one in five agents should be requesting further materials, and i saw how quickly you got your agent, and i have been made to feel like i'm not allowed to be sad or bitter about rejections because i have to have a thick skin. but fuck, it's hard.

i wonder, is my book bad? when i have been told over and over that it's not. do i revamp these first ten pages again? do i keep going with them as they are, thinking of all those success stories about how you just have to keep trying and someday someone will love those pages as they are? do i give up and try this other project, starting over? even finding possible agents to suit my book has become hard these days, i have to dig and dig every time.

thanks, sorry this turned into such a vent. you documenting your publishing journey, particularly all your hurts while proving that it can be done still has been so helpful to me. <3

hey, lila. i'm so sorry this process has been such a challenge. publishing is a really hard market to break into, so that these days a lot of it ends up being luck and timing, which is such a pain in the ass to hear no matter how much it's true.

i don't know whether this will end up being advice so much as commiserating, but i want to tell you something i wish i knew when i started querying and getting into the business: publishing is so fucking slow. just in general, as an industry, it's so slow. take how slow you're thinking it is and then multiply it by five. seriously. i got agented fast because my agent happened to look at the queries on the top of her pile instead of starting with the older ones, which she never does. that was 99.9% chance and isn't the norm (had nothing to do with my query!). we were on submission with WCA for a year, and it was february when we sent the draft to the editor who ended up acquiring. she took until july to get back to us at all, and two more months (after we were almost certain she was going to offer!). that's just the way it's going right now, so that's just something to keep in mind that has nothing to do with you.

onto my next point about publishing: right now it is ALL about what's commercial. i could write a much longer post about this (and honestly i might) because i find it so frustrating. i'm encountering this same problem with IWYW, which is hands down my favourite of my recent novels and has had the widest interest from the public so far. the novel that's getting published is hooky as fuck. that's honestly why i queried it, even though i knew as i was querying that IWYW was much closer to my heart. it's a frustration of mine every time i start a new project, and there's a little voice in my head that's going is this marketable and i have to work really hard to silence it because that's not what drafting is about.

it's been seven months, so by now it's really up to you what step you want to take next. the nice thing is that even if the novel you're querying now isn't your debut, that doesn't mean there's no future for it. it's not a goodbye, just a see you later. i put WCA first because i was more confident that it would get me published, and it ended up making it through the necessary hoops. i thought that meant IWYW would be next, but it likely won't, because my agent pushed for a different one of my projects to be the second thing we put out on submission. that still doesn't mean it's over for IWYW, though! it's a one day project, and i've made peace with that.

other things to consider about publishing as of october 2021 that have nothing to do with you:

there's a huge supply shortage in printers, which is causing HUGE stress in imprints.

some of the major publishing houses are combining, and the ripple effect of that is crazy.

everyone is catching up with summer stuff right now. every agent and editor i've spoken with recently tells me the same thing: they are exhausted. they are burnt out like they never have been before. this is an industry wide issue and only getting worse.

so, all in all: if you've been querying for 7 months, just remember that's like 2 weeks in publishing time. it's absolutely not too long to keep going, but at the same time there's no harm in querying a different project. do what feels doable to you right now. and as i've mentioned before, rejections are a good thing. they tell you who is not going to champion your book the way it deserves. you deserve a fuck yes from somebody, and that'll come your way one day. might even be next week. i know it's so frustrating, but persevere. lean on your community for support. put your energy into other projects you love, and remember that a no is not about your book, it's about the agent. (it really really really is. i can't begin to tell you how many 'loved this but can't see a space for it in our upcoming publications' we heard while on sub. enough to cry over.) you got this.

[cheolsblackgf]

hey guys I know it’s been a while and i’m really sorry for being gone even after I said I wouldn’t be that busy!

details under the cut <3

unfortunately life has gotten in the way so I can’t spend as much time as I would like here and sadly I have started feeling a little uncomfortable on this blog. I feel like (even if it’s not true) there’s a certain expectation of me here and I can’t fulfill it at all. I originally started this blog to post my one smau and then leave forever but you guys liked it so much and I really appreciated your support so I wanted to stay here and keep posting similar things, which has regrettably got me in this tough position of whether to keep posting or close up shop.

this is a little tmi about me so you can skip if you don’t care about my life (don't feel bad, I definitely wouldn't care abt my life either lol!!!)

right now, I have started school again so I’ll definitely be busy this entire summer which i’m definitely not looking forward to at all, but in order to transfer successfully I need 61 credits for my major and i’m only at 50 so i’m in 4 courses that will get me there in time for my transfer to university. with this being said, i’m gonna try to focus on school because I unknowingly chose the worst classes ever and i’m already getting a bad feeling even if it’s the first day.

tmi over lol

in more exciting news, i’m seeing seventeen in chicago!!! ever since becoming a fan, I watched their other concerts with diwiwts (damn I wish I was there syndrome) and told myself I had to see them all together while I could. I will be going with my sister and hopefully we’ll get a good place. (at my time of writing this, tickets go on sale tomorrow) i’m lucky enough to live really close to where they are coming and have the means to get there so i’m really excited. is anyone else going to see them?

anyways, sorry if you were expecting something else with this post and I really apologise to anyone that has liked my blog and wondered why i’ve been so absent lately. I wish I could keep posting but I always feel very nervous to come here and I wish I could get out of that feeling because you guys have always been really nice to me. i’m of course very thankful to everyone who has ever liked any of my works, told me they liked them, and supported me in any other way. I appreciate all of the friends i’ve made here and i’m so thankful for you all. I know this sounds like a goodbye post but it’s not, I just feel very sentimental sometimes lolol and feel like I don’t say how much I appreciate you all

SO YEAH hopefully a miracle happens and I get rid of this feeling bc I love this blog and everyone i've met here very much <33 also anyone is always welcome to my ask box bc i genuinely love hearing from u guys sm ok i'm talking too much baiiiii

[theyarebothgunshot]

Rose, I'm sending you this ask because you seem to be a very kind & grounded person and I don't know where to put this feeling, but my best friend of fourteen years has ghosted me this summer and I feel adrift. Just profoundly sad without being able to explain to most people why without sounding like a whiny loser. This friendship has sustained me for so many years when I felt alone in the world, they were literally my emergency contact and #1 champion and my platonic endgame 'side by side rocking chairs when we're eighty' friend.... And now they've just seemingly ripped me out of their life without explanation or reason. This spring & summer has been one of the darkest and most perilous of my life (for m.h. reasons) and she just-- vanished in the midst of it. I'm far away from home and her right now so it's easy for her to do that, and after repeated attempts to contact her and make sure she's okay because this is entirely unlike her, I got a "i'm just busy 😘" text from her a month ago, then nothing. And this is not a "friends since we were kids and just grew up into different people" kind of thing, which I certainly experienced when I was younger. But an adult friendship built over 14 years of shared blood sweat and tears and it's just... gone. I've never felt so alone in my life.

Sorry, I know you're not an advice blog & there's nothing you personally can do! So I hope you don't mind this public ask. It just helps to be able to share this with someone who I know has a kind heart and might be able to empathize. I've been a quality-over-quantity person with my friends as I've gotten older and that suddenly has not paid off. I love the community you've created here of our fellow spn/cockles perceivers, and I'm a fandom nobody with few followers/friends so maybe some of that communal warmth might help me now. - 💔

first of all, i am really sorry you are feeling so sad and upset about this, although it is perfectly understandable. you can always message me if you need a listening ear <3 on or off anon, whatever you want.

i'm sorry that your friend is behaving like this. ghosting is really immature, especially when you've known each other for so long. a part of me hopes that she really IS just busy and will make time for you soon, but even if that is the case it is kind of shitty that she hasn't been there for you during a period of time where you have been struggling with mental health issues.

i am also someone who doesn't have a lot of friends but who values those i do have, very very much. so i can sort of imagine how you must feel right now, and it sucks. i hope that you can at least confront her at some point in the future and straight up ask her to be honest since that's the least she can do. but seeing how she has responded to you a month ago, there is a good chance she wouldn't tell you, and that is also something to keep in mind.

if this doesn't change, just know that you are worth so much more than this and yes it is terrible to lose a friend when you have known them for so long, but in the long run, you are better off without people who treat you badly. even if it hurts.

i am giving you a big hug <333 hope that it helps even a little bit.

[alloftheimaginess]

Trust

Quick authors note. I made a discord group for supernatural fans because I want friends and I think it’ll be super cool to meet people that love supernatural as much as I do so if you want to join just click here to join the chat.

"There are just some things out there that you can't control, we did pretty good but it went cold" I say as we're all sat around in the jet after not being able to find the unsub.

"Maybe he's actually done" Penelope says shrugging.

"We can only hope, or at least hope he goes into hiding for a very long time. But I'm feeling confident that it's the end of his killings" I say knowing that he's not going to be killing anymore but it's not like I can exactly tell them that.

"How are you so optimistic?" Spencer asks.

"Because all of you gloomy people aren't, so someone has to hold out on some kind of hope" I say smiling at them.

A day earlier

"Be careful" JJ says as I'm walking out the hotel room.

"Will do" I say letting the door close behind me and I pull on my jacket and I go to the elevator so I can head to get some dinner.

"Yeah dad, I'm know that if I need you to call you, I've been your daughter for my whole life" I say laughing and he laughs with me.

"I'm headed back to the hotel, I'm almost there so I'm going to call you when I get settled in and explain everything to you" I say.

"Love you too" I say hanging up and I take the back way back to the hotel and I smile at people who smile at me and someone bumps into me, knocking me to the ground.

"I am so sorry" he says.

"It's okay, no problem" I say and he helps me up and when I go to pull away he pulls me into his chest and he smells me and a chill runs down my back because I'm pretty sure I just found our unsub.

"Let me go" I say and he shakes his head.

"You're that FBI chick" he says and before I can respond I'm knocked out.

I wake up and I'm tied up and I try to get free and someone opens the door and I scream and they run over and the taller one unties me looking around and the shorter one runs off "what's your name?" He asks.

"I'm Yn. I'm with the fbi and we're here investigating and I'm going to assume that the person that kidnapped me is the guy we are looking for" I say and the shorter one laughs and I get a better look at them and it clicks into place.

"Trust me this is not a problem for the fbi so just pack up and go home" Dean says.

"Dean" Sam says.

"What? Do you want to tell her about the monsters out there Sammy?" Dean asks and I smile at them and Sam looks at me, staring for a minute and I can see the moment he realizes.

"Wait Yn Ln as in Dn Ln?" He asks and I nod.

"I remember you" Sam says still working on my hands as Dean says unties my legs.

"So you became an FBI agent?" Dean asks and I nod.

"Yeah, I wanted to help people in a human way, you know. I grew up hunting and I hunted until I went to college and I was glad to finally settle down and be able to help people but with a team. It got hard, all of the people I couldn’t save, all of the people I let down. I had to try to put that behind me" I say and I stand up when I’m free and I pop my shoulder back into place, hissing at the pain and I shake it out.

"So we think we're going after a shifter" Sam says and I nod.

"Yeah it took the shape of me and left me here to die and now it's with my team and we need a way to lure it out" I say thinking and it clicks.

"I use to have this ex named Adam if we text my number and ask to meet up because it's an emergency, something about his mom or something, fake me has my memories of how I drop everything for him and if I were to want to keep the act up I would meet up with him" I say.

"What's your number?" Dean asks and I give it to him and he hands me the phone and I quickly type the message in, pressing send.

"Okay, I sent the address and now we wait and see if he res-" I get cut off by the sound of the response.

"Alright let's go" I say handing him the phone.

"Okay that was totally badass" I say after we kill the shifter.

"I haven't hunted in like 12 years" I say cleaning the knife off.

"You were pretty good out there to have not done it in 10 years" Sam says and I smile at him feeling extremely giddy.

"How does it feel?" Dean asks and I nod.

"It felt amazing, almost enough for me to go back but I have a whole life here" I say and they both nod.

"Remember when we stayed in that motel?" Sam asks.

"For like 3 months together" Dean says and I nod.

"Of course I remember that" I say laughing.

"I remember you taught me how to get more out the vending machine than what we payed for" Dean says and I smile at him.

"Yes, I still know and use that trick to this day" I say laughing and they laugh with me.

"That's when I fell in love with you" Dean says and he quickly back peddles.

"I mean not-" I cut him off by laughing.

"It's okay" I say shaking my head.

"That was the best summer of my life, and that's saying something because I've had amazing summers in my adulthood. Young me was sure that we would end up together and have a family but then I was slapped by reality" I say smiling at him.

"I'm going to go get the car" Sam says and I nod and he walks out.

"Hey" I say and Dean looks at me.

"Maybe we can grab dinner the next time we see each other" I say.

"That would be nice" he says and I smile at him.

"If you guys ever need a place to crash I'm hardly ever home so just let me know and you can use my place if you're ever in Virginia" I say and he nods and Sam comes back in.

"Ready?" He asks.

"So ready, I need to get back to my room and wait for the trail to go cold" I say.

"It's crazy, you're actually an FBI agent when we pretend to be one, let's hope our paths cross when we really need you" Sam says and I smile at him.

"How about a drink before I turn in" I say and they both nod and I smile at them.

"Let's go then" I say.

"Hey thank you" I say as we pull up to the hotel I'm staying at.

"For what?" Dean asks.

"Saving me, I probably would have died if you guys weren't on his trail already and a shapeshifter is not a cool way to go at all when I’ve experienced way more things" I say and Sam laughs.

"No problem" he says.

“Oh yeah, there’s been a pop up of things no one has ever seen before” Dean says and I laugh.

“And I would love to hear nothing about that” I say and they both laugh.

“That’s fair” Sam says and I smile at them.

"Get out, let me hug you one last time" I say and Sam is the first one out and I hug him in a big hug rubbing his back.

"You've gotten so big, I wouldn't even have assumed it was you" I say laughing and he smiles at me.

"I know, one day I just had a growth spurt" he says laughing.

"Yeah, but you’ll always be my little Sammy" I say and he pulls away and Dean comes over and he wraps me in a hug before I can hug him.

"It's good to have you back in my life" I say.

"I agree, we'll definitely have to meet back up" he says and I smile at him.

"You know it's not fair how you've managed to get even more handsome while I turned into a literal rat" I say laughing.

"You did not turn into a rat" he says and I laugh even harder.

"Whatever" I say and I hear the hotel door open and I turn around to see Spencer.

"Hey are you okay?" He asks and I nod.

"Yeah I'm good" I say.

"Penelope said you just ran out and you haven't been answering your phone. We were on the way to look for you" he says.

"Yeah, sorry I got a message and I had to handle some business" I say and he nods.

"Spencer these are my childhood friends" I say.

"They were here looking for the unsub and I ran into them" I say.

"This is agent Frehley and Criss" I say introducing them and he shakes hands with them.

“Dr Reid” he says.

“It’s nice to meet you” Sam says.

“I’m going to go let everyone know you’re alive” he says and I nod smiling at him and Sam hugs me one last time before heading to the car and I smile at Dean.

“You have my number, don’t be afraid to use it” I say kissing him and I pull away and I head into the hotel.

[kamosweasley]

I don't want to talk - Part II (George Weasley x Reader)

Description : To read the first part and third part.

Word count : 3.7K

Warning : mention of cheating, angst

It’s been two weeks since George kicked you out. These words may sound too violent for what happened but you really feel like he kicked you out of where you found a home. It's not so much about the apartment, it's above all living with him, being surrounded by his love every day. As cliché as it sounds, you've never felt better than in his arms, and knowing you may never be able to find your way there again makes you feel terrible.

A part of you tells yourself you deserve this punishment and a part tells yourself it’s ridiculous to lose everything (including the person who matters most to you) because you love two people. You mean, okay it’s not common to be in love with two people at the same time but you can't help it, and it hasn't changed your love for George. So losing him would destroy you, because you still love him like a fool and you don't know if you will ever be able to draw a line under the life you had imagined for the two of you. But there's still hope, George sent you an owl to tell you that he wanted to see you tonight after work. He asked you to arrive a little before the store closes so he wouldn't have to wait for you. The tone of the letter was far from warm or enthusiastic but it suits you, you didn't expect him to forgive you so quickly and you will have the opportunity to see him again and discuss all this with him. You're terrified but also full of hope, if he wants to talk to you that means he doesn't just want to leave you and forget everything, right ?

So here you are, in front of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, the heart at the edge of the explosion. You were so scared to be late that you arrived an hour early, leaving you looking at the window with undisguised anxiety. You keep nipping your lower lip, your hands are sweaty and you keep fiddling with the ring that George gave you a few years ago. It was to celebrate your coming out of Hogwarts and getting your NEWT's at the same time. He was so happy to offer it to you, even though you had only been together for a little more than a year, he already wanted to offer you everything he could. He gave you so many products from his store, you almost got all the new products just a few days before they went on sale. It was important for him to share this with you and it made you happy he shares with you this passion he has made as his job. By the way, you must have forgotten it in the apartment, you didn't think to take them with you. You should have.

The door opens with the sound of a bell, suddenly taking you out of your thoughts and making you jump. It’s George, with a cold gaze and an annoyed look on his face.

-What are you doing here ? You were supposed to arrive later.

-I was afraid I was going to be late, so I didn't really pay attention to my advance. Sorry about that.

-Come in, you're going to scare the customers by staring at the storefront like that. You look like a psycho.

He moves to let you pass. You enter timidly and you immediately have the feeling of entering hostile territory. Maybe it's because Fred looks at you badly as soon as he sees you come in, making you want to disappear. You've never experienced hostility with twins, it's always been the other way around, even more so when you were the girlfriend of one and the sister-in-law of the other. It’s funny that Fred always acted as if you were a married couple. He was the only one to call you Mrs Weasley, saying it should motivate his brother to ask you. Today you doubt he calls you by his last name as he used to. After all, you break his brother’s heart, you doesn’t deserve any sweet nickname.

-Since you're here, all you have to do is help us organize the shelves, you know how it works.

-Okay, what do you want me to start with ?

-I think there are almost no more love potions on the shelf, there's a whole box of them in the reserve.

He hasn't even glanced at you, already on his way to see a customer. You’re going to get that box when Fred passes close to you, saying the air of nothing that you do not need to steal one of them. You immediately understand what he is implying and you want to tell him to fuck off, that it’s none of his business. But you don't have the courage to argue with Fred when you came to try to patch things up with George. That would be counterproductive and you can't blame Fred for being upset with you.

A few minutes later, you put the bottles on their display, being on your guard. You know Fred well enough to know it's not impossible that he might play a bad joke on you to avenge his brother in his own way. It might even be an opportunity to demonstrate a product to customers, unless you're getting paranoid. You’re just so tired of all of this …

-Hello Y/N.

-Luna ! You surprised me.

-I’m sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. You came to see George ?

-Yes.

-Great, I’m happy to see you both. It's been a long time since I've seen him, and so have you. I haven't heard from you in two weeks. Were you sick ?

It's weird to see her again since the argument with George. Curiously you don't have that odd feeling like all the other times, you just want her to go away before George sees you together. It would probably make him mad, he might imagine you asked Luna to come or she came to try to stop you from talking to him. You have no idea what might be going on in his head but you refuse to waste your chance.

-Kind of. You should go before you get sick too.

-Luna, what a pleasure to see you !

You stiffen at the sound of his voice behind your back, suddenly so warm that his sentence sounds sincere. But he's angry with Luna even though he doesn't let it show. He knows it's ridiculous because it's Luna, she didn't do anything to make Y/N fall in love with her again and she may not even know about it. But he resents her because she took a part of the heart he desires entirely, just for him.

-Hello George. I was telling Y/N that it's been a long time since I've seen you. It's a bit sad, you're good friends and we see so little of each other.

-But you have seen Y/N a lot in the last few months.

-True, but not for the last two weeks. It was as if she had disappeared, I thought she finally asked you to marry her and the two of you have stayed together ever since. It could have been a secret wedding, I think that's your type. But she told me she was sick.

-What ? Ask me to marry her ? Why would she do that?

-Luna !

-Sorry, I thought you talked about it with him.

-You wanted to ask me to marry you?

-I don't think it matters now.

-I'm sorry I embarrassed you, Rolf tells me I should be more subtle when talking to people.

-Who is Rolf ?

-She didn’t tell you ? Rolf is my fiancé, he’s a magizoologist like me. We met at work, he is adorable and very nice. I'm sure he's going to love your products, I came to buy some for him. He's going back to England in a few days.

George feels lost, he had no idea Luna had gotten engaged. If he had known, maybe he wouldn't have been so angry with you, because he wouldn't have thought Luna could dump her fiancé to get back together with you while you were in a relationship. He knows Luna well enough to know she is not that kind of woman, no matter how she feels about you she would have pushed you away and told you to stay with him. She has always been so nice and fair while he feels terribly selfish. 

-Congratulations, I had no idea. It's wonderful news, you have ... have you picked a date yet ?

-Yes, we will soon send out the invitations, you will receive one of course. It will be this summer, dad is very keen on it. Don't hesitate to come in yellow, it will make him happy.

-I take note.

-I'm going to go pay, it's closing soon. It was nice to see you again, feel free to visit me anytime.

The blonde goes to the cashier after a smile. You've never felt so embarrassed in front of George, it was the weirdest conversation and you don't know what effect it had on him.

-Why didn’t you tell me she’s engaged ?

-What difference would it have made ? You said that no matter what happened between her and me, the problem is I had feelings for her again.

-Luna would never cheat on someone, least of all her fiancé.

-So you trust Luna more than you trust me. Great …

-You're not going to get offended when it's all your fault in this story !

-George ! Calm down, the store is not closed yet.

He almost screamed while there were a dozen customers in the store, most of them looking at you waiting for the next part. Can this day get any worse ? It hasn't even been 10 minutes since you walked in and it's only getting worse.At this rate George won't even want to talk to you anymore and you'll have to say goodbye to him forever before the store closes. Resuming his professional appearance, he clears his throat to regain his composure and walks away without a word. Then you go back to what you were doing before Luna arrived, putting the small bottles carefully. You feel tense, it seems like there's not much missing for you to break down and either burst into tears or go crazy. It's like being in the middle of a nightmare, you would give anything to make it stop and wake up in bed with George's arms around you and his breath on your neck.

Lost in your thoughts and anxiety, the closing finally arrives and Fred leaves the store for the apartment above, not without giving you yet another bad look before winking at his brother. Here we are, and you just want to run away.

George comes to you, always with his mask of indifference on. It’s only a facade, you know him by heart and in truth he tries not to show he’s in pain. You're both in pain but you're the only one to show it, that's the game. All means are good to make him understand this separation hurts you and you miss him. You’re sitting on a step of the stairs leading to the second floor, with desperate eyes looking at the ground like a punished child. It's not going to be a piece of cake, he's probably going to say some hurtful words, but everything has to be said and heard.

-What about the proposal ? Were you really going to ask me ?

-I really thought about it, I never lied when I said that I love you and you are the man I want to make my life with.

He says nothing, assimilating this information with difficulty. He's still hurt and angry about what you did, but he feels it's not as he imagined it would be. He thought the moment he threw you out, you had gone to join Luna and since then you had been consoling yourself in her arms. He doesn't doubt your love for him, he saw how you were that night, but he thought you would move on with time, with Luna. He imagined himself learning that you were moving in with her, and the day you were going to get married. It destroyed him from the inside, this image, this perfect happiness that you would live with her when it should have been with him.

-You are the most important person to me, since we have been together for so long, I told myself that I could be the first one to make the proposal.

-Sounds ridiculous …

-You know that I want your kids. We already talked of this, I want 4 children and you, 5.

-Stop it. I know all of this too, but we can't talk of our future anymore. I'm not sure of our couple anymore.

-I understand. But you asked me to come here to talk. I'm trying to make you understand I don't want a future without you. Isn't what I'm supposed to do?

He remains silent, staring at the display of love potions. He stands up straight with his hands in his pockets and again you can't read him. You hate it, feeling like he's already so far away from you when the breakup isn't official yet. You're afraid he won't want you anymore and say it out loud, that he'll move on and make his life with another girl. He would have the right, nothing obliges him to stay with you, but how could you survive it ? He's the love of your life, it's the only thing that's been going round and round in your head for the last two weeks. It's him and nobody else, Luna is nothing compared to him. The tall man sighs and raises his head to the ceiling, you can see that he is chewing on the inside of his cheek. This is not a good sign.

-You understand it changes nothing for us.

-Not even a little ?

-I don't think so.

-Why ? It must change something. We both want to marry each other, we want a home and a family to build together. I told you more than I can remember that I am sorry and I choose you for ever and ever. Why isn't it enough ?

-You're going to get angry now ?

-I do, because I don't understand ! I understand you need time and you're mad about me and you have all right. But I didn't do anything to get her, not a kiss, not a look, not even a word. I never wanted to do anything with her, I was lost in my feelings and you … you say you will never need me again. How I'm supposed not to be angry ?

Tears fill up your eyes, it's kind of unfair of you to put a blame on him for his choice but you can't handle it. This man is yours since so many years, you've already imagined what your future would look like, to the kind of grandparents you would be. You want to live so many things with him, like traveling abroad, laughing at your children's mischief, celebrating your wedding anniversaries in so many different ways, just laughing every day of your life with this wonderful man. He can't take that away from you without you saying a word.

-Everybody makes mistakes, there is such a thing as forgiveness and you have to know how to forgive the people you love. I'm not saying this to make you feel obligated but because I want you to do it, because I still love you. Do you know that saying, "Love cannot be divided, it can only multiply" ? That's exactly right, I didn't take a part of my love for you to give to Luna. It's an old love that has woken up, it's something totally different. It's more like loving a friend very much or wanting the last broom, it’s unreasonable, foolish and not that strong as the way I love you.

-Is that supposed to make me want to take you back ?

-Shut up George ! I’m falling ! There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, and you heard Luna, I haven't spoken to her in two weeks ! I’m ready to do anything for you, to prove you my love !

-And you think that makes you respectable and forgivable ?

It's the most frustrating situation you've ever experienced, it's like talking to a wall. No matter what you say or what you do, he doesn't want to forgive you. This sudden realization makes you cry your eyes out. You refuse to give up your story, but it takes two to make one more, and George is sinking the ship. You don't know what's more powerful between despair and rage, but you're falling apart again. So it's really over ? He asked you to come here to finish you off like this ?

-George, I’m begging you … Don’t do this … Please, don’t leave me …

-I love you from the depths of my being, I was ready to give everything for you. But I can't give you my forgiveness, and above all I know I can't give you back my trust.

-But I don't understand ! I didn't cheat on you, I didn't do anything with her, she doesn't even know what happened ! I ignored her, I left you alone waiting for you to come back to me to talk and try to make things right because we love each other and this story doesn't change anything about OUR story !

-It changed something.

-No it doesn’t ! Maybe you’re afraid and you don’t trust me like before, and again I understand it and accept it. You’re hurt because you feel betrayed, you wanted to be the only one I love and unfortunately this is not the case but you still want me. In spite of everything you feel and what you told me, you still want me to become your wife and to raise a family together. You still want to offer me your newest products in advance and find me every night at the apartment. Because you know as well as I do that we are meant to be together. We survived Umbrage, we survived the war, I was always there when you needed me and you did the same. This love that unites us, it’s different from the one I have for Luna, it’s much more powerful and indestructible. We can break up if that's what you really want, but you know as well as I do that this love will never die. And you'll miss me every day of your life because I'll miss you too. I’ll love you forever, and I can’t do anything against that. 

-You’re cruel. Do you really think I'm happy I have to break up with you ? I'm not because you are ... everything I've ever wanted. I've always felt lucky to have you, I was sure we would make it. I’ll love you forever too and that’s the problem ! I can't escape you while you are hurting me, you will make me suffer all my life because I will have to try to run away from you all my life !

-You don't have to run away. Especially if it means it will make you suffer for the rest of your life.

Neither of you has moved since the beginning, almost like statues with words. You are together on a path that separates into two other paths, and you don't agree on which one to take next. One is clearly a dead end while the other leaves more possibilities. But you can't force George to follow you, if he really wants to stop everything then you'll have to accept it. Even if it breaks both your hearts, you can't stop him from living his life the way he wants. You've already done enough harm, and his feelings will make him suffer for a long time if he chooses to break up, there's no need to add to it. But you're not ready to hear it so you try to save this love story that's falling apart.

-Why can't we at least try to work things out before we break up ?

-If I come back to you, I know I would forgive you and we would go back to the way things were, almost as if nothing had happened.

-And it would be a bad thing ?

-I talked it over with Fred, he told me not to be fooled and not to give you a second chance. He says I deserve better than a woman who can't love only me.

-Excuse me but we don't give a shit about what Fred thinks. He's your brother, your twin, your partner, but he's not the one living your life. You know me much better than he does, you know our history and you know if I'm honest or not.

-So why didn't you tell me about Luna ?

-See where that got us ? As soon as I realized, I was ashamed, and I knew it would lead nowhere because there is only you for me. She has never been an option, least of all when she is engaged and I was hoping we would be as soon. I know, it sounds cheesy and cliché but it's the truth. I just wanted to wait for it to go away.

-By continuing to see her every day ?

-What would you have thought if I had stopped everything suddenly ? And I really thought it was a kind of nostalgia for a time when it was simple and not painful. The more the days go by and the more I'm sure of it, I don't miss her as much as I miss you, her absence doesn't hurt as much as yours. It was stupid to go back to her like that, I know. I’m sorry George. For all of this, it’s my fault. I never meant to hurt you, but I did. And I can never apologize enough for that, I promised you I would never hurt you. I’m really sorry George.

These words ring true in George's heart, yet this is not the first time you have said these words and he already knows everything, even what you didn't say. All you've done is tell the truth you both know, and even if it hurts he can't deny it. This is the moment when he must choose between yes and no. This is the moment when no matter what his twin brother said to him, his heart beats reason. It’s true he has loved you for four years and he can’t see a future without you, that's a pretty good reason to give a second chance. 

-Come on, let's go home.

-What ?

-Come quickly before I change my mind.

Without a word, you get up in a hurry and leave the store to let George close behind. You don't know what to expect, but this opening draws you like a beacon in the night. He lets you come home, which means he wants to try. You feel like you're living again, breathing is suddenly no longer painful, everything seems a little better and a little less sad. 

-You’ll sleep on the couch.

-Okay.

-I promise you nothing.

-That’s fair.

-I hope it will work. It would hurt too much if it didn’t.

You walk side by side in the night, without holding hands as you used to do. It's strange but there's a glimmer of hope that's lit up for both of you. Maybe it’s not the end.

[its-toasted]

Btw listen to Amphetamine by Smino or just Blkswn entirely

One of the bullshit joints about Asian culture is that unless you're deformed or dying you're probably not gonna get diagnosed. At least around here, when you're still in school, living with parents.

I'm half Korean and Chinese and I've seen it plenty. In my family, in other families, in the macro-community sense for sure -- the unmistakable culture of sweeping things under the rug if it's gonna make people uncomfortable. If people think they don’t know how to talk about it. Maybe this isn't even Asian, maybe it's just bougie, or human, but it's definitely amplified in this culture that's so rooted in shame.

It goes beyond the generation gap, or an aversion to tackling tough topics, like it's part of the culture. It's a real-ass phenomenon, just what people do. And that's sooo not me, which was funny, like growing up I wanted to talk about everything with everyone. I was kinda aight. And I got by without going crazy because I have a brother one year older than me who gets everything, you know? Who sees what I see, which is often all you need as a kid. Plus a good internet connection.

I've had ADHD my entire life. It's just wrong to say otherwise. But I wasn't convinced for a long time because when I absolutely need to focus, I'm bulletproof. But if I don't need to, I'm not going to. Like if I can blow this off I probably will. I'm wired weird. It's not crippling, but it's bad, but I've always gotten by. I see it manifest and trip me up every day. And I know it's not weed because this is how I've always been.

My mind just doesn't stay present well. It's always on a walk in the park. I procrastinate mostly everything until there's just enough time to be clutch. There's a clear lack of an ability to remain focused unless I'm about to get clapped. The way I stay digitally and mentally organized is not very organized. No matter what kind of writing I'm doing, I produce it an illogical order. I have a bad memory even for the people and things I care so much about. When I drive or shower and think up a thought I want to keep, it's probably gone in 10 seconds. Gone as in gone. Until hours or months later it comes back like a fucking boomerang I'd already thrown away the box for. Also I fidget. The business of my restless leg syndrome been booming this entire post. This entire morning. Every day.

As I write this out it's kinda crumbling in my hands tbh. Like maybe I have been better off not being hooked on amphetamines my whole life. I was taking it daily in college for some time and only stopped because I was in love for a whole summer. Maybe I should be thanking ma and pops for that, the silver lining of all this sweepage, because I know how easy it is for me to start moving like an addict.

But something like therapy, or counseling, or medication for anxiety has always been out of the question. At least not anymore. The one time I mentioned it growing up ma laughed. My favorite and least favorite laughs are her’s. And that was whack but I get it. Being able to care for mental health is a luxury my parents couldn't afford. And certainly not their parents before them. And it shows. Roasted. Sorry. This post started out as a rant on procrastination I swear

[mikkomacko]

Dear Daisy 5

Daisy never realized how big the house is until Harry's not there. Without his large personality sitting at the table, or his lanky legs kicked up on the coffee table while he works, or his broad body moving around the kitchen, Daisy feels like she's living in an empty palace. It's gotten to the point that she hates being at the house, but going to visit her family is just as depressing with them now crying over Sterling's departure. Her father's taken up more work with Thomas, hoping to make up for the usual revenue Sterling brings into the family. It's not much seeing as most of her brother's earnings goes into his personal savings so he can afford to marry Stella and take care of her. Daisy tried spending time with her future sister too, but that ended up being even more depressing then staring at Harry's empty couch cushion. So she goes on walks now. She's been putting off walking through the park because it reminds her of Harry now, and she stays as far away from the beach as possible. That really only leaves the town for her to walk through, but she likes the shops so she doesn't mind. She hardly buys anything, but the browsing keeps her mind off of Harry and how much she misses him and if he's okay. Her favorite shop to go in is the local bakery, owned a ran by a man named Robin and his kids. It's nice to sit at one of the tables, picking at a scone or mini pie and watch Robin teach his son's to roll out dough correctly and cut shapes into the pies. The three men are always so happy and carefree, and the feeling rubs off on her after sitting there for a bit.

Today, however, is different.

The bell above the door chimes as she pushes it open, stepping into the little shop and expecting a smile from Richard who's usually behind the counter. He's not there today, and walking up to the counter she realizes that Sam isn't either. It's just Robin, lips drooping down in the corners as he dusts some flower onto his apron. Daisy's smile falls, confused by the unusual gloomy mood in the bakery.

"Oh, hello Daisy." Robin greets when he notices her, offering her a pathetic smile. Daisy rests her elbows on the counter, holding her chin up.

"Is everything okay Robin?"

The man shrugs, shaking his head with a sad chuckle. "My boys left today," he mumbles, "one of them to the Poland, the other Germany."

Her heart falls to her stomach, and she thinks of Harry again. She's so worried knowing he's in France, she can't imagine how upsetting it'd be if he were sent to the front lines. "I'm sorry," she sympathizes, pausing a brief second before deciding what the hell, "my fiance shipped out a few weeks ago."

Robin looks up, a bit surprised as he moves to stand across from her. "Mr. Styles was called out?"

She shifts uncomfortably, scratching her fingernail across the wooden counter to keep her mind off of the war as much as possible. "To France for training and then assignment. I haven't gotten a letter yet informing me of where he's heading afterwards."

One of Robin's hands move over the counter, patting the top of Daisy's comfortingly. "It's tough, but I can't think of a greater man than Harry Styles fighting."

Daisy pauses, looking up at him curiously. She's never heard anyone say anything remotely kind about Harry before. He's always whispered about, gossiped about, but they're all tells of his rudeness or his harsh words. Daisy, having been privy to both, never really questioned anyone's dislike for Harry. But she'll definitely question their compliments for him.

"You know Harry really well?"

Robin nods, moving to untie his apron. "Grew up with his father. When he passed away I tried to keep an eye on Harryand Gemma. Of course that uncle of his stepped in, tried to raise Harry to be a prick like him-" Daisy giggles, never having heard Robin curse, "but good always beats bad."

He hangs his apron up, reaching under the counter for a small basket of oatmeal cookies. He places them on the counter in front of Daisy. "Free of charge, for Harry." He says, smiling softly. Daisy watches him for a moment, thinking that Robin must be a great father. He's kind, compassionate, but also tough. And judging by the two boys she's met in here before, he knows how to raise a good son. It's then that she realizes he's the only one running the bakery now, and while rations for the war have started, bread is always in demand. He'll be getting busy, busier than usual, and he might need help.

"Mr. Robin," she murmurs carefully, waiting for him to look at her expectantly, "if you'd like company or help around the shop while you're boys are away, I'd be happy to do so. Don't have to pay me or anything, I'd just like to get out of the empty house."

Robin's smile is warm and grateful, and he looks around the kitchen as if trying to picture Daisy back there helping him. Finally, he nods. "I'd love to have you Daisy, and I'd be happy to let you take home the tips for the day."

"No that's-"

"It's the least I could do," Robin interrupts, "owe it to Harry and his father."

She knows by the firmness of his voice that there's no room for arguing, and she knows tips aren't very much right now anyway so she won't feel bad for taking money from him. Plus the holidays are coming up, and she'd really like to get gifts from everyone without having to use Harry's money. It doesn't feel right to use it without him there, but then again, nothing really feels right while he's gone anyway.

~

Dear Daisy,

My training has been completed and I've received my assignment. Luckily for us, I'm staying in France, patrolling Paris in case Germany attacks. I'm sorry I didn't write sooner, it was difficult to find time during the first couple weeks, but you should know that not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of you. I ache for you, long for you so much it makes me dizzy. Patrolling Paris is wonderful, I've been here a few times, but I can't help but find you on ever corner. In the flower shops, laying among the soft petals. In the warmth of the bakeries and restaurant, beckoning me. Swirling in the air around me, shining in the stars above me. It's not the first city I've found you in and I'm certain it won't be the last.

I know I have so much to say to you. Secrets and truths that have been on the tip of my tongue since the night we met, pleading to be told. Oh how desperate I was on our last night together, aching to tell you everything. Again, I'm sorry, for I'm making you wait. I know you hate me, enough to cry for me, enough to marry me. I was once told my parents hated each other as well, and I had never seen love like theirs.

I hope you're staying warm as the days get colder, maybe planting vegetables in your garden in the back. Pumpkins grow well against the wall of the house and my mum has a wonderful pumpkin soup recipe. I'll dream of you tonight, and maybe every night, in our kitchen with the pretty blue apron around your hips, filling our house with a warmth only you could bring. My radio playing in the background, I'll wish to be sat there with you, argue over how you under-cooked the pumpkin just because I like the color of your pink cheeks when we fight.

Stay safe for me Daisy for I need a home to come home to.

-The Harry Styles x

~

Cold winds come with fall, blowing into the bakery every time the door is even slightly cracked. Daisy's lucky enough to be on oven duty, staying warm in the back while Robin works the counter. She's been working with him for almost a month now, finally skilled enough to help decorate the Halloween cookies and package them. Robin does most of the baking, but she always helps, and every time she finds a recipe of interest he goes out of his way to teach her to make it. Daisy finds working at the bakery to be quite wonderful. It's a good way to spend her time and she's never been good at cooking despite her mother's hard efforts to teach her. Meredith isn't much of a baker either so Daisy never learned that growing up either. It's exciting, working here. Like she's got a new hidden talent or secret that only her and Robin know.

It's only a matter of time before her mother or Summer starts questioning what she's been doing during the days, and she's dreading having to answer. Some may it find it silly but if she tells them about her new hobby she's afraid it'll lose its appeal. When she's here, everything is simple. She bakes and laughs with Robin, forgetting that men are fighting a few countries over. And if she's feeling particularly lonely, she can imagine that Harry's just at work, that she'll finish her goodies for the day and take them home in a box wrapped with pretty ribbon, body flushing when her husband praises her.

Even if it makes going home even more disappointing, Daisy will enjoy her time in the bakery. She's nearly curling the ribbon on a package of croissants for the girl on the other side of the counter when Robin says he's going to take the trash out back real quick. They were starting to close up when the lady came in, a Mrs. Weathers as Robin had greeted her, and he instructed y/n to quickly wrap her order. She carries the package over, smiling politely at Mrs. Weathers and charging her.

"You're Mr. Styles' fiancee aren't you?" She asks, counting out the coins in her purse. Her green eyes look Daisy up and down (as much as possible with the counter between them) but she looks more curious than judging.

"Yes ma'am."

Mrs. Weathers hums, accepting her change from Daisy. "Never thought I'd see the day he'd find a wife." Her tone is amused, mixed with a little bit of surprise, and her eyes shine at Daisy with a newfound respect.

"Why's that?" Daisy questions. She knows Harry's not well liked. He's not really liked at all, but everyone has their person. Maybe she's not Harry's person but her family made it so she is. And it turned out to be better than expected. So maybe she actually is his person and she never knew.

"I had a bit of a crush on him myself a few years ago." Mrs. Weathers admits, looking sheepish. "Tried to talk to him on the beach once, maybe get him to take me on a date in that pretty car of his. Barely spoke to me though. Ignored my flirting, even went as far as telling me I was desperate." Daisy cringes at the word. Harry used to hint at her being desperate too, but he never outright said it to her. If he had she thinks she would've hit him.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, feeling the need to make up for Harry's rudeness. "He's got a sharp tongue and an ego big enough to keep his mouth flapping."

Mrs. Weathers laughs, waving her hand. "Don't apologize! It hurt at the time but I'm grateful he's the way he is. I probably would've married him and that would be awful. My husband Terry is the greatest love I've ever known."

Daisy smiles at the dreamy look in Mrs. Weathers eyes, but her chest aches for Harry. He may be rough on the edges, but she knows deep down he's sweet. He has a reason for all his actions, and maybe that's why he's terrible to everyone. A sort of test, wanting to see who cares enough to stick around. Or it could just be him knowing what he wants and being careless. Either way she's proud, knowing she was the one to turn him.

"It just takes him a bit to warm up." Daisy defends, "But I'm the lucky one that stuck around, I suppose."

Mrs. Weathers chuckles, picking up the package and nestling it in the crook of her elbow. "If you say so." She hums, adjusting her scarf and then she's heading out into the chilly air. Daisy stares at the door for a moment, thinking that Harry's actually a lot kinder than Mrs. Weathers and any other person that something bad to say about him.

~

Daisy's crouched on the lowest porch step, fingers begin to burn as she lights the last of the Jack-O-lanters her and Summer had carved yesterday. Harry had been right about the pumpkins, she grew so many that they were able to save two for soup, leave three on the steps here, and take two back to Summer's house.

Tossing the match to the side, Daisy watches the candle flicker through it's smile. She can't help but notice that this particular face has the same little bunny teeth as Harry, even if it's big smile is nothing like Harry's. Her heart sinks, eyes stinging as she pathetically imagines him. Not exactly sure how long she watches the flame dance, wishing it were Harry's eyes in front of her, she practically jumps out of skin when two hands jab her shoulders. "Boo!"

She almost falls off the porch steps as she leaps to her full height, the hands of Gemma being the one thing to steady her. "You scared me." Daisy says sheepishly, holding a hand to her racing heart.

"That was the point," Gemma teases, "it's Halloween." Her eyes look over Daisy, smiling falling. "And you're not dressed up at all."

Blushing, Daisy picks at the bow around her waist. "I was gonna be a kitten but I haven't had time to draw my nose and whiskers on. What are you?"

Gemma adjust the sleeves of the button up, tugging down the too-small sweater vest and holding her arms open. Her hip pops out sassily, "I'm Harry!" Daisy examines her again, realizing she's wearing her version of the outfit they mocked Harry about when wedding shopping. "I figured you could use a little Harry today, and I'm as close as it gets right now."

Daisy's glad she hadn't done her makeup yet, because Gemma's words send her to tears.

~

Dear Harry,

I've never been to Paris but I can't help but find comfort in the city knowing you're there. I'm sure it's not exactly what you were expecting for assignment; you've always been a front line man, but I'm grateful the universe is on my side this time.

I grew pumpkins like you suggested and your mother made the best soup for us after Halloween. I wish you could have been at the house with me. A girl came dressed up as a fighter pilot and I thought of how much you'd enjoy that. Gemma came over to hand out candy and stay the night, which was nice. The house is to big without you in it, but for some reason it made me miss you more.

While your secrets make me nervous, I respect your choice to wait to spill them. At first it drove me mad and I spent days like a tornado in the house. I've found a distraction though, one I think you'll be proud of. An old friend of you father's, Robin, has been teaching me to bake. His son's shipped out as well and we've found company in each other's presence. I don't like cooking, as you very much know, but I really enjoy baking. Maybe one day that'll be our routine. You'll come back from the war, safe and sound, and I'll bake lots of desserts for us to devour while you cook our meals. And of course your radio will be on, and maybe I'll make you dance with me. I happen to be a very good dancer when you're my partner, and no matter how much I try to fight it, you'll always be my greatest partner.

Stay safe for me Harry or I'll have no husband to bake for. With all my heart, Daisy o

~

Rain pelts against her umbrella, ice cold in the November air. It far too late for her to be out here, but at least it's a nice neighborhood. Not as nice as Harry's or Thomas', but still better than the one she grew up in. She doesn't dwell on that thought too long though, because she's still trying to figure out why she came here. Shivering, the red door stares back at her tear filled eyes, daring her to step forward and knock. She wants to, she really does. Wants to go inside, sit next to the wood burning stove she'd sat by with Harry that one time he brought her here. Maybe drink some tea. Maybe wrap a blanket around her frame and cry. It felt too empty to cry in their house. Her sobs echoed and rattled, reminding her she was alone.

Still in her pajamas, she'd thrown on one of Harry's peacoats and grabbed the umbrella from the coat closet, running through two streets worth of puddles. Her soaked socks remind her of that.

Sniffling, Daisy wipes her eyes with the cuffs of the coat, finally stepping onto the welcome mat. Inhaling shakily, she knocks before she can duck out and spend all night crying in the street. Harry would be so upset with her if he found out she was even out right now. He told her not to worry, yet here she was.

It takes minute for the door to be answered, lights flicking on upstairs, and then on the staircase, and then in the living room. Daisy wills herself to calm down, bouncing anxiously as the door swings open.

"Daisy?"

Anne has wrapped her robe around her nightgown, rollers mussed in her hair, and eyes bleary but her eyes widen when she meets Daisy's red rimmed ones. "Oh dear, come in! Get out of the rain!"

She waves her in, Daisy's umbrella dripping water on the rug as she closes it and places it in the rack. Anne shuts and locks the door behind her, immediately reaching to help Daisy out of her son's coat. "I'm sorry," Daisy mumbles, shaking off the damp fabric. Helpless, she watches Anne hang it by the door, bottom lip trembling with surpressed cries.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Anne coos gently, reaching forward to push back her wet hair. Daisy crumbles under the affection, chest aching so bad she thinks it might crack open to reveal her longing heart to the cruel world. "Are you hurt?"

She shakes her head, finally breaking down. Her body shakes against Anne, shoulders hunching as her mother-in-law wraps her arms around Daisy. Anne shushes her, rubbing her hand in soothing circles over her back. "It's okay darling. You can talk to me."

Somehow, Daisy manages to choke out the one thought swirling through her brain. "I miss him so much." It's simple, but the words make her cry even more after finally admitting it. She didn't realize how much she enjoyed being around Harry, how much better he made her days. Being without him is like missing the broth in the soup, the flour in a loaf of bread, the roots of a plant. Nothing feels right and she hates it.

"Oh darling, I know." Anne coos, stroking her soggy hair tenderly. Daisy feels small in her arms, cradled like a girl as small as Kitty even though her feet are on the ground and not around Anne's waist. She thinks back on when she wishes she were as tiny as her sister, innocent to this kind of hurt, and she can't help but think this night was born out of that wish. Maybe the universe started a war, drafted the one boy she may one day love, just because she was being sad and petty. It's stupid, Hitler's not invading previous German land because she wished to be little again. But it does feel nice to have Anne hold her, tell her she understands. All Meredith’s ever done is tell her to grow up, act her age, learn to cook, get married, have kids. Everything she always felt like she could never do.

“He’s really irritating but I want him back.” Daisy murmurs around trembling breaths, beginning to calm down. Anne laughs, whispering an agreement before pulling back enough to see her face. She strokes her cheeks tenderly, motherly.

“Let’s her you dry clothes and a cup of tea, yeah?” Daisy nods shyly, letting Anne guide her up the stairs and into a random bedroom. She digs through the dresser, pulling out a cotton tee and striped pajama bottoms. The same pajama bottoms Harry owns multiple pairs of. “These were his favorites as a boy. Don’t fit him now but I can’t get rid of them.”

Daisy changes into them in the bathroom, recognizing the scent of Harry immediate. He still smells the same today but more manly. Maybe it's that nice cologne he wears that makes him smell older, more mature. But his teen scent is comforting too. The two of them, feeling small but together. It makes her ache a bit more, but she smiles at it. Maybe Harry's thinking about her, smirking as he fall asleep and imagining her crying. Soulmates maybe, reaching out to jab at her throbbing heart. It's a very Harry thing to do, she thinks.

And she continues to think of him when she crawls into his childhood bed, an old record player playing an album he loved as a kid, with her mug of tea on his old nightstand. Buried in his sheets, it almost feels like he's there too. That's how it should be, husband and wife, buried next to each other forever.