#Sorry I have no meaningful analysis to contribute for this movie

[lupinedreaming]

Do you think they explored each other’s bodies?

[ddejavvu]

Personally, my perception of the movie has changed majorly from when I was 12 to now, at almost 21. Idk if the same happened to you, please let me know how it has or hasn't for you 🙃

When I was 12 I was obsessed with Dally and the bad boy appeal, I think maybe it had to do with Matt Dillion... probably a lot. The line soda says about dally at the end of the film was lost on me then. I thought he was cool and I envied being looked up to like that.

But now as an adult, a big girl if you will, I have such an admiration for all of the other characters. In fact, I've basically done a 180. I fear Dally in a way that I hope I never become like him. I hope that there is always something to live for and that my life isn't to keep up an appearance. I admire Johnny so much more now because I am almost so alike to him (the same thing happened with Frodo from lotr). I admire darry's commitment to his family. Soda's... everything :). Pony's brilliance (i can't even explain what I truly mean here in a concise way so I won't sorry). Two-bits protectiveness. Steve's love for chocolate cake and his devotion for friends. All of these kinda sum up to the fact that I have lived life on my own, and that I have found the importance of all of these. I respect life and I value the things they represent and value within the movie/book.

If you can't tell I also sent you that ask about darry and it seems I still cannot figure the art of asks out yet... sorry :D

To paraphrase that all... how has your perceptions of characters changed as you aged and gained life experiences?

that's so totally okay!! asks can be awkward to figure out at first but i love the opportunity you've given me for analysis :)

my perspective has definitely changed as I've grown. My home life growing up was rough and still is, but thankfully it never got as physically violent as many of the characters in that novel. however, i did feel connected to a lot of them through that abused, isolated upbringing, and I chose to channel that into broodiness instead of finding friends that could help me out. I isolated myself even further and pushed away connection, which really only made things worse in the long run. i'm still dealing with the effects of that: I struggle immensely with connection from how shut-off I made myself.

I read the novel in middle school and thankfully my saving grace came to me on the first day of freshman year. she helped immensely with my feelings of hopelessness and isolation and where i'd previously viewed myself as being more like characters like dallas and johnny and ponyboy (the loneliest ones who were more outward about their struggles and especially dallas who was completely overtaken by them), I grew and changed and began identifying more with the other boys. I let good things into my life instead of keeping myself holed up with the bad. the bad was and is still there of course, but now that I'm capable of being more independent I make an effort to center my life around my loved ones instead of letting the bad overtake me.

i admire darry's hard work and dedication, his sort of 'no way but through' attitude because a lot of the time i feel like blowing stuff off but i admire his strength a lot. he's the one that i admire the most, and he's the one i'd love to be like overall. he's my favorite because I hope I can build my life and contribute to other peoples' lives in that meaningful of a way, even if it's not luxurious or glamorous.

also he's dreamy and i wanna marry him okay thanks for asking me this

[keplercryptids]

nonfiction LGBTQ+ books i read this year

i read a lot this year, and a good chunk of it was LGBTQ+ nonfiction. so i thought it might be nice to list what i read. as a note, many of these books deal with LGBTQ history in the United States. too often, mainstream US-centric LGBTQ texts focus on white middle-class cisgender folks, though I’ve done my best to balance that as much as possible with other perspectives. (that being said, if you got ‘em, i would LOVE book recommendations that tackle worldwide/non-white LGBTQ issues!)

Accessibility notes: Given the nature of the genre, there’s a lot of intense discussion re: homophobia and transphobia. Basically every book listed covers those things to some extent, and I’ve specified where there’s additional potentially triggering content. (If you have specific questions about triggers, please let me know!) also, some of these books are on the academic side. I’ve done my best to note when a book was very academic or when I found it to be more readable. (full disclosure on that note: I’m a college grad and voracious reader without any reading-specific learning disabilities, so my opinion may be different than yours!) as a final note, I was able to access most of these as e-books/audiobooks through my local library. I live in a major metropolitan area, if that gives you any idea of how easy it’ll be for you to find these books. I’ve noted when a book was more difficult to get my hands on.

History

Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World 1890-1940 by George Chauncey. As the title suggests, this book focuses on gay male communities in NYC pre-World War 2. Even with that limited scope, this is an important read to better understand gay male history in the early 20th century. Gay communities thrived in the early 1900s and this snapshot of that is really wonderful. This is definitely more of an academic read, but I highly recommend it. while it definitely focuses on white middle-class gay men, there was more discussion of poor and/or gay men of color than i had actually expected, so that’s nice. (CW for rape and sexual assault, homophobic violence and medicalization of homosexuality.)

Queering the Color Line: Race and the Invention of Homosexuality in American Culture by Siobhan B. Somerville. Finally, a book about queer history that actually talks about black people! I was expecting more of a history book, whereas this was more of a critique of specific novels, plays and movies of the early 1900s and was way more focused than i was expecting. don’t get me wrong, I majored in English lit so i’m super into that kind of analysis as well, it just wasn’t as far-reaching as I would have liked. Also, it’s very academic. (Only the print version was available at my library.) (CW for racism, mentions of slavery.)

Transgender History by Susan Striker. This book describes itself as an “approachable introductory text” to transgender history in the US, which I agree with. It’s a pretty short read given the enormity of the topic, so it doesn’t go into much detail about specific groups or events, but imo it’s a good introduction. Especially interesting to me was the information about where and when TERF ideology began. Academic but on the easier-to-read side. (CW for transphobia, gross TERF rhetoric, brief mentions of the AIDS crisis, police violence.)

Gay Revolution by Lillian Faderman. okay so, I gave this 1 star. it’s probably a good book if you know absolutely nothing about US LGBTQ history and want an intro, but a review on goodreads said that it should be called Gay Assimilation instead and i completely agree. Faderman focuses on white middle-to-upper class gay and lesbian assimilationists, often at the expense of radical queer and trans people of color. The latter is hardly mentioned at all, which is ridiculous given trans folks’ contributions to the LGBTQ movement. When radical people ARE mentioned, it’s often in a disparaging way, or in a way that positions the radicals as too extreme. Faderman constantly repeats the refrain that the fight for LGBT rights was “just like what black people did for their rights” without any addendum about why that is...not a good take. There’s no meaningful discussion of race, class or intersectionality. She lauds Obama as a hero for the gays and there’s a ton (I mean a TON) of content about how military acceptance + gay marriage = we won, or whatever. anyway, i wasn’t a fan, although many of the events and organizations discussed in this book are important to know just from a factual basis. (CW for all the stuff I mentioned, plus police violence, medicalization of homosexuality. it’s also fucking LONG so i recommend the audiobook, lol.)

Queer (In)Justice: The Criminalization of LGBT People in the United States by Joey L. Mogul,  Andrea J. Ritchie, and Kay Whitlock. This is “a searing examination of queer experiences--as ‘suspects,’ defendants, prisoners, and survivors of crime.” A frequently upsetting but super important read about how LGBTQ identities have been policed in the past, and currently are policed today. i wish there was more focus on trans folks, but other than that it’s a solid read. (CW for all the things you’d expect a book about policing and imprisoning LGBTQ folks to include: police and institutionalized violence, sexual assault, transphobia, homophobia.)

Stonewall by Martin Duberman. This book follows the lives and activism of six LGBTQ folks before, during and after the Stonewall riots. Note: Stonewall itself is only discussed in one chapter about 2/3 of the way through, the rest of the book dedicated to the six individuals’ lives and activism up to and after that point. It’s a history book with a strong narrative focus that I found to be a fairly accessible read. (CW for minors engaging in sex work and sexual predation by adults, sexual and domestic violence, police violence, drug and alcohol abuse, mentions of suicide.)

And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic by Randy Shilts. This is a HEAVY but really important read about the AIDS epidemic in the US, tracking the disease and the political/cultural response from about 1980-1985. It’s journalistic nonfiction, so although it’s a very long book I found it easier to read than more academic-y books. the only thing i really disliked was how the book demonized “Patient Zero” in quite unfair ways, but it was originally published in ‘87 so that explains part of it. I want to stress again that it’s heavy, as you’d expect a book about thousands of deaths to be. (CW: oh boy where to start. Graphic descriptions of disease/death, graphic descriptions of sex, medical neglect, republican nonsense.)

Memoirs, essays, etc

Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme edited by Ivan E. Coyote. i felt mixed about this one! i appreciated the different perspectives regarding gender and desire, especially since this anthology contains a lot of essays by people who came of age in the 60s-80s (so there’s a historical bent too). but some of the essays feel dated, at best, and offensive at worst. there was more than one instance of TERF-y ideology thrown in. probably 1/4 of the essays were really really great, and i’d still recommend reading it in order to form your own opinions--also, imo it’s useful to see where TERF ideology comes from. this book was harder to find, and i had to order a print version through interlibrary loan. (CW for a few TERFy essays. i read this earlier in the year so it’s possible i’m forgetting some other triggers, sorry!)

Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation by (editors) Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman. Serving as a follow-up of sorts to Bornstein’s Gender Outlaw, this is a collection of narratives by transgender and gender-nonconforming folks. While not “history” in a technical sense, many of the writers are 30+ and give a wide array of LGBTQ+ experiences, past and present, that are important. I didn’t agree with every single viewpoint, of course, duh! But some of the essays were really powerful and overall it’s a good read. (CW for one essay about eating disorders, some outdated language/reclaimed slurs as to be expected--language is one of the main themes of the collection actually so the “outdatedness” is important.)

S/He by Minnie Bruce Pratt. A memoir published in 1995, focusing on Minnie’s life, marriage, gender identity, eventual coming out and relationship with Leslie Feinberg. i really enjoyed this one. it was beautifully written. there are many erotic elements to this memoir so keep that in mind. also was a little harder to get, and i had to order a print version via interlibrary loan. (i read this awhile ago and can’t remember specific triggers, sorry! if anyone knows of some, please let me know.)

I’m Afraid of Men by Vivek Shraya. A memoir by a trans woman ruminating on masculinity. it’s beautiful and very short (truly more of a longform essay), so it’s a good one if you don’t have the attention span/time for longer books. (CW for sexism, harassment, transphobia.)

Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde. god, this memoir is gorgeous and is one of my favorite books of the year. it chronicles Audre’s childhood in Harlem and her coming-of-age in the 1950s as a lesbian. ultimately, this is a book about love and that resonates throughout every page. idk can you tell i loved this book so much??? (CW for child abuse, sexual assault, a friend’s suicide, racism.)

We Have Always Been Here: A Queer Muslim Memoir by Samra Habib. suuuuch a good book! Samra writes about her life as she and her family arrive in Canada as refugees from Pakistan in her early childhood, onto her life today as a queer Muslim woman of color, photographer and activist. beautifully written and just such an important perspective. Only the print version was available at my library. (CW for child sexual assault, a suicide attempt and suicidal ideation, non-graphic mentions of domestic violence, racism and sexism.)

Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kababe. this is a beautifully illustrated graphic novel memoir about the author’s journey of discovering eir identity as queer. i related to a lot of it, which was great on a personal level, but i also think it could be a great educational tool for those wanting to know more about gender queerness (especially for those who prefer graphic novels!) (CW for gender dysphoria, descriptions of gynecological exams, imagery of blood and a couple pages depicting being impaled, some nudity, vomit.)

[kristarantsandmuses]

Quaranthings: Korean Dramas

It’s been a while, Tumblr. LOL I haven’t posted in a while – but we are living in a time of pandemic. I have never thought such day would come but here we are.

It has been 41 days since Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ) was implemented in Manila – and I have managed to catch up on my Korean drama backlog.

Thanks to streaming sites like Viu and Netflix, I have spent countless hours just catching up on the latest dramas (The King: Eternal Monarch, Itaewon Class) and the ones I have not finished watching (Mr. Sunshine, Reply 1997, Go Back Couple, Kill Me, Heal Me, My Love from the Stars). I also found time to rewatch my favorites (Secret Garden, Innocent Man).

The last one I watched was Mr. Sunshine. The writer, Kim Eun Sook, tells the story of a Joseon slave-turned-American soldier named Eugene Choi and a noble named Go Ae Sin – and the people around them: the mysterious samurai Go Dong Mae; the rich playboy Kim Hee Seong; and the beautiful, rich heiress/double agent named Hina Kudo. Set in the early years of the Korean Empire (led by Emperor Gojong), the drama depicted the political turbulence of the time: the traditional Joseon ways clashing with that of imperialists as well as the personal struggles of each character. Then there’s storge, eros, philia, and agape - I’ll probably write another review of that because in terms of writing, I think this is the best Kim Eun Sook drama. 

 I have been meaning to write something like this, but I guess I was inspired to share with the world why I love Korean dramas – like it really is a hill I would die on anytime.

Some weeks ago, a Filipino director openly tweeted his disdain for Korean dramas. In his words, he said that Filipino movies and tv are “doomed” because of “K-drama galore: faux Cinderella stories with belofied whiter than white actors. And it’s all about love in the midst of pandemic.”

 LMFAO. I had to laugh.

It came from a director with reputable filmography – I mean I loved two (2) of his films for their social commentary but I have to ask.

How many Korean dramas have you watched – LOL don’t tell me you only watched Crash Landing on You.

HELLO, ITAEWON CLASS WAS IN THE TOP 10. DID YOU WATCH THAT? Did you watch the rags-to-riches story of Park Saeroyi and his quest for justice to defeat the biggest food company, Janga Corporation?

Have you watched Sky Castle? The compelling story of rich families and their schemes to get their children into the best universities?

 How about the Reply series? A nostalgic drama that tells the story of families, youth, and the times they lived in – 1994, 1997, 1988 – the nostalgia was fucking rich. I especially enjoyed 1994 and 1997.

Did you check out Another Oh Hae Young: a woman struggling to come into terms with her personal insecurities? Or have you picked up on It’s Okay, That’s Love: a romantic drama that properly tackled mental illness (the lead had schizophrenia).

From personal experience and the vast filmography of Korean dramas I have seen, let me point out why Korean dramas are the best – and why they’re so fucking addicting. I would have to say that this is not a research paper but rather a lengthy analysis based on my 12-year experience as a Korean drama enthusiast.

 1.      Creative value

Every drama starts with a great plot.

Sure, many Korean dramas are romantic. In fact, most of the Korean dramas I have seen in the early 2000s are romantic: Autumn in my Heart; Stairway to Heaven; Winter Sonata; Full House; My Name is Kim Sam Soon; and Princess Hours. There’s also Memories of Bali; I’m Sorry I Love You; and Coffee Prince. These dramas actually launched the Hallyu (Korean wave) that we know today – and their plots have the typical Korean drama romantic equation: guy meets girl – they don’t get along at first – then they fall in love – misunderstandings (or separation) ensues – reunited – fall in love again – they get married or end up together (or a lead dies). Then there are the non-romantic ones (historical): Jewel in the Palace and Jumong.

But as time went on, you see that the genres become varied – we started seeing action dramas (one of my favorites was Time Between Dog and Wolf) and medical dramas. Then there were dramas that also featured how Korean dramas were made (The World We Live In).

Korean dramas have varying plots that get recycled in many instances but with great plots also come characterization. The characters we see in dramas remind us of real people – we always relate to a character and we all get frustrated when they make stupid decisions (the Noble Idiot Syndrome) that really do not make sense. At the end of the day, we want happy endings for those who deserve happiness – we want justice served, we want closures, etc. because that’s how humans are.

In many romantic dramas, plots are reused but no character is the same. They would have similar traumas but never the same, carbon-copied character. There are villains you want to kill and then there are villains you sympathize with – because you realize that humans are multilayered, complicated creatures.

 2.      Production value

Another observation I have with Korean dramas is their careful attention to details. When writers create the script, they somewhat have actors in mind to play the character. In Korean dramas, they don’t really care about love teams. In the Philippines, we produce dramas based on the hottest pairs. In Korea, they don’t give a shit about that. Dramas are produced with the intention of creating a meaningful production so actors are chosen based on whether the writers and producers think they can bring their characters to life, not because they are the hottest commodity. In some dramas, actors have to audition, but in many instances, scripts are sent to actors with potential to perfectly portray the character.

Prior to filming, writers, actors, and production staff would spend a day or two in story conferences – actors would have the opportunity to discuss with everyone how he or she thinks his/her character is like. The directors and writers would provide their input on how the characters should talk, act, etc. Actors would also take the extra mile to learn a skill or two for the characters they played. They would have dialect coaches, language instructors, etc. Writers would consult with professionals – for instance, in many medical or legal dramas, they would hire doctors or lawyers on board to verify accuracy of terms. During broadcast, you would even see the jargon on screen to simplify them for the audience. In historical dramas, you would also see the terms used (in Chinese characters) and explain them in hangul.

During filming, you’d see how the staff has placed much attention on details – from the wardrobe to the set. You would also see themes, symbols, etc. The production aspect is really like how movies are: vivid, deliberate, beautiful. Who would’ve thought red pinwheels would make me tear up? 

Each drama has a particular soundtrack – can I just say that Korean dramas have the best soundtrack. Each song played in a specific scene perfectly conveys the mood and feelings of the character. I have cried so many times listening to Park Hyo Shin’s “Snow Flower” (I’m Sorry I Love You) or Ji Sun’s ”Goodbye Without Saying Goodbye) (My Name is Kim Sam Soon). On my Spotify account you would see I have played Goblin, DOTS, and CLOY OSTs countless times.

In the past, dramas are not really pre-produced (meaning script came a week or two before filming). There are dramas wherein halfway through the broadcast, they had to switch writers because the earlier writer had a falling out with the production – so you’d see that the quality suffers (story plots would go crazy lol). There are dramas wherein they had to replace the actors because of scandals or accidents. In the last 5 years however, Korean dramas have become pre-produced: meaning the dramas will be filmed 6 months-2 years before being broadcasted. I guess this aspect has contributed to the fact that many Korean dramas are already available on streaming sites.

 3.      Cultural value

Each drama gives us a slice of the Korean culture – food, drink, skincare, attraction, and history. And noraebang (karaoke). Every romcom Korean drama has to have a scene at the noraebang...or jimjilbang (sauna). 

Modern and traditional Korean dramas have to feature food: Korean barbecue, stew, side dishes. LOL you name it. There’s also soju, beer, and makgeoli. BEER AND CHICKEN. 

In most modern Korean dramas, makeovers are a must. You would see product placements of known Korean products: Laneige, Etude House, Nature Republic, etc. The characters would go shopping in a particular shop like The North Face. Their coffee dates would be in one of these (Caffe Bene, Dal.Komm, HOLLYS, Zoo Café, Mango Six). They would buy their cakes or bread from Paris Baguette or Tous Les Jours.

Then there are road trips – many Korean dramas would feature a particular attraction, province, or city. Who can forget Nami Island (thanks Winter Sonata) or Namsan Seoul Tower (Boys Over Flower) or Petite France (Secret Garden, My Love from the Stars)? Of course, you can’t forget Busan (Reply 1997) or Jeju (Warm and Cozy) or Gangwon-do. It is definitely a K-drama fangirl’s dream to be able to visit in one of these places so we can relive our favorite Korean drama moments.

All of Korean dramas I have seen put emphasis on family – the importance of filial piety is always highlighted. The characters are often portrayed as dutiful daughters or sons. Conflicts often ensue when the character is challenged to choose between the parents or the love of his/her life (well in most Korean dramas that’s the case lol). Many dramas portray characters who try to be the good daughter-in-law and yet nothing is ever good enough. Then there are subtle flexes on Korea as an emerging superpower as seen by drama characters (chaebols) who head conglomerates. There is always a character who is filthy rich and can afford a billionaire lifestyle. Product placements include big companies like Samsung, Hyundai, etc.

Slice-of-life dramas also depict the realities in Korean society. Because This is My First Life and Something in the Rain aptly depicted the realities of harassment in the workplace from a woman’s experience. Many Korean dramas also relay harsh realities: meritocracy in the workplace; young adults juggling multiple jobs to make ends meet, etc.; even real estate situations are featured. Often you would find characters renting a small room because that’s all they can afford. From the dramas you would also notice that Koreans are not very kind towards single mothers or orphans. Then of course, there’s the North and South Korea situation: Crash Landing on You, Doctor Stranger, Spy Myeong-Wol, Descendants of the Sun are a few dramas that discussed this theme. The Reply series is a nostalgia drama featuring families that lived through some of important events in South Korea like the Seoul Olympics (1988), Asian financial crisis (1997), Sampoong Department Store collapse (1995), and the historic World Cup (2002).

Korean historical dramas are also interesting on their own – I guess until now, the Japanese occupation of Korea is still a sensitive matter for Koreans. Many of the dramas that feature such themes always depict the resilience and resolve of Koreans as they try to fight off the enemy. Yes, the scenes are depicted artistically, and the thought lingers long after the episode is over.

In terms of marketing, the government has also been proactive. With the Korean Wave (Hallyu), Korean dramas, as well as films, music, food, etc. have become an important commodity overseas. In 2016, Korean Culture Center wrote that Descendants of the Sun was sold to 27 countries, posting a profit of over KRW 10 billion (Php 412 million). The government acknowledges the important contribution of Korean dramas in tourism. Numerous papers have already been published showing the effect of hallyu in the South Korea tourism industry.

 To make the long story short:

Korean dramas have gone beyond “faux Cinderella stories with belofied whiter than white actors”.  I mean, if you want to produce a quality drama, it takes time and effort. Personally it has become a great escape from the realities I face. I do not welcome opinions that clearly spring out of snobbery and disdain for another person’s craft. Perhaps the director can look beyond the Top 10 (since that’s what he mentioned) and check out the wide selection on Netflix. Viu is also a great platform (I’ll start on World of the Married – been hearing and reading about it lol)

Hallyu did not flourish overnight, and the Korean drama industry – while a great model to cite – is also not perfect. There have been numerous cases and instances when staff are overworked or not paid long after the production is over. The #MeToo movement has also exposed some actors who have harassed fellow actors. If we want Filipino dramas to enjoy the same spotlight as that of the Korean dramas, we should be frank about the outputs we have had. We have potential, but it really is up to the decision-makers (at least from the network perspective since it’s all about profits and star value rather than quality production in the Philippines) to come up with a formula that would revitalize Filipino dramas. I can’t say the same for Filipino films because we have great films – the dramas need much work to be profitable. I mean, are we really satisfied with a few dramas being sold overseas? When will we produce dramas that are at par with our Korean chingus? If you want Filipino dramas to be streamed on Netflix or Hulu or Apple TV – maybe we can look at genres beyond police brutality or infidelity or hacienderos harboring a secret child somewhere.

 Anyway, Korean dramas are awesome – and that’s the tea.

[kingofthewilderwest]

What do you do most of the time when you’re not on tumblr?

Thanks for asking to get to know me!!! I do MANY things! :D 

Let’s get the “boring” thing out of the way: work! Occupationally, I work remotely as a theoretical linguistics contractor. Basically, that means I do freelance language analysis work for other companies. I sit at home in my pajamas at 2 AM listening to folk metal while doing boring repetitive language tasks for money. XD Usually, it involves me pouring through large databases of sentences and annotating pertinent information on top of the sentences, coding it according to the information another development team wants. What I input is what another team uses to improve an AI’s ability to understand English. For instance, maybe I’m going through a large corpus of sentences marking what the verb is, and how noun phrases relate to the verb (as the direct object, subject, etc.) My work helps accomplish a variety of practical uses. The reason why your search results are relevant on a website? The reason why virtual assistants like Siri are able to answer a question you ask it? That’s the stuff I work on, although I do the non-technical, non-programmy side of it, and am more or less just following instructions for what they want me to look for in the sentence databases they use to train their AIs.

I usually am held to non-disclosure agreements, so I can only say so much about what my work involves, but I have had the pleasure to partner with several collegiate universities, Amazon, the Mayo Clinic, Google, environmental research centers, local companies, and more over the years since I first began these gigs in 2012.

But like. Recreationally?

I LOVE DOING CREATIVE THINGS!!!!!!!

I’m usually running around doing three thousand eight hundred forty two and a half projects any given day. Music composition for indie films and video games; cosplay; fanfiction writing; original novel writing; learning new musical instruments (I own literally several dozen instruments…); drawing; Photoshop abuse; video game streaming; skiing; hiking; teaching myself new languages; collecting action figures and other rare fandom materials; getting distracted by cat videos; crying in feels over television shows; staring pointlessly at a wall for several hours; you name it! 

At the moment, I’m working on a fancy pants fanfiction novel for Camp NaNoWriMo - which I hope I’ll be posting online in the next few months. I’m creating/planning cosplays for Envy (FMAB), Catra (She-Ra), Rufus (Deponia), and Krel (3Below) to debut at a cosplay convention in May (assuming I get my act together, which I probably won’t, let’s be real). I’m playing Anthem with my sister and brother-in-law and am streaming video games most Wednesdays on my twitch account - also now available on YouTube btw. I’m learning how to use illustration markers and digital art tools, while trying to improve my ability drawing humans and backgrounds. I’m teaching myself 日本語. I’m working with several friends to translate a book from German to English so we can play a roleplay game together where I GM (none of us speak German… whoopsies). I’m going to be drawing illustrations for a children’s book my grandpa wrote. I’m drafting the outline for an original novel I hope to publish in the future. I’m arranging a music suite for some of the Huzzah songs for the Deponia video game series. I’m talking with several friends about movie or game projects we could make. I’m playing Dungeons and Dragons as a gunslinging True Neutral alien. I’m planning several fandom AUs with friends that might turn into comics, fanfictions, or getting lost in the dust because I have a notorious, terrible record for finishing anything. I’m skiing with friends in the mountains before winter season ends. I’m trying to collect several difficult-ish-to-find FMA materials from eBay. I’m trying desperately to avoid making an AMV for a ship I’ve fallen into, but it’s probably going to happen despite my best efforts (damn Deponia has my heart right now, okay???). I’m haranguing my irl best friends by being a loving assholish punster gremlin to them. I’m wasting lots of my hours screwing around with friends on discord. And, I haven’t had the time yet, but I just bought a ukulele, so I want to get around to learning that, too. Only so much time in a day though…. uhhhhh….

This doesn’t mean all my projects are good… I am not talented in all these respects… but that doesn’t mean I get any less enjoyment out of all these creative hobbies!

I SWEAR I’ve recently been trying to limit the number of projects I’m doing at any given time. I even made myself a checklist for activities that I “allow” myself to do so I don’t start three hundred more pointless hare chases. But yeah! That’s the current day-to-day activities of Haddock!

Actually… this conversation is a good lead-in to something I’ve been meaning to say on my blog for a while. 

It’s probably unsurprising that, given as I’m doing so much beyond tumblr, that I haven’t been spending an enormous amount of time answering analysis questions recently. My asks have begun stocking up over the last few months; though I have several hundred responses to answer and want to answer, the truth is that my life is prioritized elsewhere right now and I probably won’t get to things all that fast, if at all.

Tumblr has been an extraordinary experience for me and I’ll never like, leave-leave it behind. I’ve engaged a lot in tumblr because it’s provided me life, fandom, happiness, and a community I’ve attached to. It’s also given me hope: hope that my contribution to the fandom gives people happiness and meaning, too. Fiction is powerful for all of us and a way to give us inspiration and meaning. I hope that my engagement in fandom has helped other people feel happiness, inspiration, and meaning, too. Whenever I receive asks from people telling me kind things about my blog, I feel touched beyond words, because it makes me feel like my time on tumblr has been a benefit and a difference to other lives beyond my own, and there’s nothing better than that.

But I also admit: I’m ready to transition to New Things in life. My greatest goal in life is to make as meaningful of a difference as I can. I don’t want to breeze by my years doing nothing but recreation for myself: I want to do what I can to make a maximal difference in the lives of others for the better. Tumblr’s been fun and I hope I’ve made a good impact, but my deepest dreams and goals aren’t around tumblr analyses. They’re around creative writing, especially the wild dream to someday be a published author. I’m increasingly taking the steps and time to reach that goal. I’m done waiting; I’m done planning; I’m ready to charge forward and make this ambition reality, best as I can. 

That means that, anymore, tumblr is a hindrance to my life’s greatest dreams, and I can’t do both full-tumblr-activities and reach my heart’s deepest wishes.

I’m honestly feeling a lot happier now that I’ve drastically reduced my time on tumblr. I’m so sorry that it’s resulted in me not answering many asks (that really would be fun to talk about), and I hope no one feels like I’ve forgotten or snubbed them. I’d do it if I had time. But I don’t have time. The truth is that I feel my life shifting to new directions, and I want to take that. Otherwise, I’ll live in a stagnant world in which I go nowhere… and I can’t have that. I can’t. I want to fly.

So I’m going to be continuing to march through with these other life projects. With the creative writing especially. I hope I can post some of this writing to you guys on tumblr, too! It means I’ll be spending less and less time on tumblr, doing analyses not-anywhere-as-often-as-I-used-to (I don’t know if I’ll ever answer everyone’s asks again, sorry!). Leave tumblr? No. I’ll still be here. But… my shift in time… it’s all in the dream to make meaning out of my life.

Thank you so much for asking again! I hope you’re having a great day, have some fun activities of your own, and are staying awesome!

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: Preseason GM 4 - TOR - The Olofsson Show

I don’t really know where to begin with this one. I guess until Rasmus Ristolainen is traded every postgame needs to start with updated angst meter. With Risto being on the roster last night my angst rating went from 7/10 on Friday all the way down to a 4/10 on this fine Bills Gameday. I guess it’s still preferred he moves before whatever toxic drama he experienced behind the scenes ruins the locker room dynamic after they lose a couple games in a row. I know the trade trash sites have heated up their production on him the last couple days, but I don’t let that excite me unless Tim Murray is GM, or its clear Terry Pegula is breathing down Jason’s neck about bonus money. So how about we talk about the other skaters? I think I put in my mandatory 4 sentences of Ristolainen. He landed a dirty hit on one of the Leafs top 4 defenseman? Oh well, you can’t beat the classics. Welcome to Toronto, Tyson Barrie. I’m not making an excuse for that hit. It was stupid, ugly and a little too on brand for Risto. I think the more interesting question is does this mean Risto is really going kamikaze to end his time as a Sabre? He wants to go down with some kind of ritual suicide landing the most trash hits possible. Again, painfully on brand for Risto but I think everyone who is going to like him after he leaves will no matter what and the people who aren’t going to lose any sleep about it aren’t losing any sleep about it. I didn’t lose any sleep about it, that was the hard cider.

Yeah, I saw Ad Astra during this game last night. That’s how I do preseason promise: just ignore the game. Don’t see this movie unless you like Art films. Other than the space monkeys the only thing that wasn’t artsy AF was Brad Pitt just wailing for his daddy the whole frigging movie over narration. Well anyway, I came how to Beer pong and a series of drinking games with my siblings. That was fun but uh… sorry about some of the tweets that I let out during this time. I don’t think it was the booze though that made me enjoy this game so much watching it back. The big names came out to play for the home crowd against a Leafs team of Michal Neuvirth, John Tavares, Mitch Marner and the funny name alliance of no-name prospects. Tavares scored a little ways into the first. It was just a net-front redirect but it was in that range of goals Carter Hutton could have stopped. Hutton joined Rasmus Asplund on Chad DeDominicis’s list of the only two Sabres who were outright bad in this game. I’d have to agree on at least three goals against in this game. Henri Jokiharju and Dylan Cozens got back to back starts playing in this game and nothing really jumped off the page for me in this go around for them. That said, all I did was watch the highlight packs with a slight headache, so I probably missed something. Grill me for what I miss in the comments.

The star of this show was really Sam Reinhart. That was obvious even in the highlights. A couple minutes after Tavares’s tally Sam Reinhart scored essentially the same goal from a rebound. That’s right, Sam Reinhart is our John Tavares! And he’s better than JT you know! Lol, whatever I guess we have to troll each other as fanbases whenever we play. How about we just both be good at the same time, so I don’t need to bring up the Sabres have won more playoff series since the lockout even though we haven’t made the playoffs in eight years! OH BURN! Suck on that one, T-Town! What did all you punks do while we were throwing the queen’s tea in the harbor? I’m sure you normies were sipping it hardily you cowards! Okay, enough of that. In the second period Victor Olofsson scored an Ovechkin goal uncovered in the office on a powerplay. The Leafs would tie it up again before the middle frame ended but I really want to dwell on this Olofsson goal for a minute. It was powerplay goal assisted by Jack Eichel and Rasmus Dahlin. In addition to those guys Jeff Skinner and Sam Reinhart were on the ice. Assuming Victor Olofsson does become a scorer like we hope can I submit a formal request to Ralph Krueger and the two new assistant coaches with him?  That should be a powerplay unit all season. That group consists of all the bonified scoring talents we have, and Rasmus Dahlin can play defense for the lot of them to whatever degree you need that on a powerplay. I mean, we need that because we’re the Sabres so yeah. In fact Trevor Moore would score a short-handed goal for the Leafs in the third period but not until after… the guy scored… the only guy whose worth mentioning in summer 2016: Jimmy Vesey, JV Vasectomy… uh… I’m sorry guys I think the mean nicknames bit is going to get cut before the end of Training Camp. Kinda sorry not sorry on that one.

That shorthanded Leafs goal by the way was strike two against Hutton last night. I don’t know what you expect when the Sabres are tied with the Leafs going into the last five minutes of regulation, but I normally think W. Last season beat that out of me a little bit, but I have a new hope now. Victor Olofsson scored again but this time from a Reinhart assist from behind the net. Olofsson just kinda passed it into the net. By this point I think the Leafs had Michael Hutchinson in just to remind all the Leafs fans present that this is a preseason game and even though it’s cheaper to drive all the way from Kitchener to Buffalo than to Toronto just because of ticket prices up there doesn’t mean the blue and white actually give a shit about the middle class. Olofsson is the standard bearer this year for the hopes of eternal optimists like me. If he can score just 20-30 goals this season he will be a helpful contribution. It’s guys like that coming in and adding just a little bit that makes us that much closer to a 90-point team. If Victor Olofsson wants to turn this team into the Olofsson show I’m more than pleased to cheer it on. The Leafs were bagged and this one would end 5-3 for the home team. CJ Smith would put in an empty netter in the last minute but those last seconds ticking away beating the Leafs is drained of its joy when it’s the preseason. Oh and sorry, CJ, an empty netter isn’t going to save you from cuts. I hope to see you called up, gee, I hope you survive waivers, but dude, figure it out. There are teenage Swedes whose names sound like Star Wars characters jumping you on the depth chart now. That segways nicely into cuts.

Before the unfortunately mostly rather expected cuts I want to debut a new bit. For games I’m writing up the next day, particularly ones that life stopped me from watching, I’ll be picking a reply to one of my Sabres tweets about the game for analysis. That’s right, your reply guy moment is going to find its way into New Look Sabres this season! Please contain your excitement. Our first ever Reply Guy Analysis comes from one of my most loyal followers: Jonathan who is leaning into the millennial theme with a couple snowflakes around his name @LakeEffectXJ, says: “Was fun and entertaining. A nice reminder exactly how good Olofsson’s shot is, a surprise for many how good Miller’s shot is, and we got reintroduced to how good Reinhart is and that he should be running his own line.” Thanks Jonathan, onto the cuts. Arttu Ruotsalainen saves Rob Ray and RJ from almost certainly butchering his name and gets sent back to the good old Liiga with two I’s. Everyone else cut is going to the Rochester Americans including CJ Smith and Andrew Hammond who both need to clear waivers. Hopefully both those guys do. The fun part of doing these blogs the day after is having information like this. Assuming you haven’t read the list of cuts and are too lazy to go read it now that you’ve made it this far here I’ll just list them out for you: Eric Cornell, Sean Malone, Andrew Oglevie, Kyle Olson, Kevin Porter, CJ Smith, Jacob Bryson, Casey Fitzgerald, Brandon Hickey, Zach Redmond, Devante Stephens, Andrew Hammond, Michael Houser, and Jonas Johansson. Amerks Training Camp starts Monday.

As always like, share and comment on yours truly’s special Sabres blog. Hopefully this was your break from the Bills game reading. In which case I have to warn you to not try to hold a loaded hot dog in one hand and your phone in the other. You think it’s easy but it’s not. Why ruin that nice jersey? I’ll be really honest and say I have never looked forward to a Bills game in my entire life as much as this one. I was a drought baby and a certain stinker in Jacksonville wasn’t going to get me pumped a couple years back. Anyway, I hope you come on back to read again as we have two more preseason games and the closing of Training Camp before we can actually get excited about beating teams. I think I speak for everyone when I hope we actually win enough for it to meaningful this season.

Thanks for Reading.

P.S. Moore shoving Olofsson into the Leafs bench was kinda fun I guess. Sportsnet said it led to the ensuing Leafs goal which I suppose it did but I thought taking guys out of the play was bad.