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guinevere-of-smiths · 21 days ago

Text

a stained-glass variation of the truth

Book: The Unexpected Heiress

Words: ~6600

Rating: G

Pairing: John Somerset x f!MC (Celeste Hayes)

Characters: John Somerset, Celeste Hayes, Lady Ashbourne, Francis Somerset, Delia Hayes, Mrs. Watmore and Effie Ainsley

Warnings: I imagine Delia to be mildly emotionally abusive, but that isn't even really alluded to in this. She is just overbearing and unplesant.

Summary: John and Celeste think themselves safe after Lord and Lady Ashbourne agree to call of the engagement. They are wrong. Some in-between scenes for the beginning of Chapter 16.

Featuring, among other things: Lady Ashbourne having a soft spot for John, Delia not having a soft spot for anyone, Celeste being very determined and John being very fatalistic.

Fun Fact: The title is a lyric from Neptune by Sleeping at Last, which in my mind is the "John-romancing MC marries Francis"!AU song.

If John was hoping to find Celeste in the great hall, he was in for a disappointment. Neither she nor his brother were anywhere in sight, although they had been penning letters here only an hour or so ago.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Truth be told, it wasn’t all that surprising; both were eager to end their engagement officially. Certainly, they would have sent the letters out as soon as his parents had given them their approval. Someone of a more philosophical bent than John would find much to ponder about their unity in trying to disentangle their lives from each other, but as far as he was concerned, the sooner the better. He couldn’t wait for Celeste to be free of the engagement, if only because he would finally be able to court her as she deserved.

But that didn’t tell him where they were now or why Celeste hadn’t appeared for their stroll in the gardens as she had promised. It wasn’t like her to stand someone up without explanation.

He had just hazarded a step towards the family drawing room when a figure rounded the corner. He paused. “Mrs. Watmore. How fortunate to meet you here.”

Mrs. Watmore had never been overly fond of him, and her movements were clipped as she halted and inclined her head. “Mr. John. What can I do for you?”

“Do you happen to know where I can find Miss Hayes?”

“As far as I know, she is talking to Mrs. Hayes upstairs.”

At first, John thought he must have had misheard. Celeste’s stepmother wasn’t scheduled to arrive for a few days yet if his parents’ telegram calling off the engagement hadn’t postponed the journey altogether. “Mrs. Hayes?” he repeated, just to be certain. Mrs. Watmore sniffed and made a show of looking around, as if she wanted to make sure that no member of the Hayes family was within earshot.

“She showed up here a little while ago, without so much as a letter announcing her arrival, and wasn’t here two minutes before she started to make a scene to Miss Hayes about the engagement. Mr. Francis barely managed to welcome her before Her Ladyship arrived to take charge of the situation.”

Her dislike for Americans oozed from every word. Usually, John would have chuckled and gone on his way. Not this time. His blood went cold when he realized the implications of her tale. Francis, Celeste, and he had been so caught up in getting his parents’ approval to end the engagement that they hadn’t even considered that Celeste’s family might think differently.

Calm yourself. If his parents and, most importantly, Francis didn’t agree to the marriage, there was nothing Celeste’s stepmother could do.

And then he realized, to his horror, that that didn’t mean that she couldn’t sabotage her other marriage prospects. Celeste, at nineteen, wasn’t old enough to be married in England without her parents’ consent. He didn’t know where American law stood on that, but if Delia Hayes just carried her off, that didn’t matter either way. Maybe he would have to raise the possibility of his marrying her far sooner than he would have liked. Or maybe his mother, diplomat that she was, had managed to smooth the situation over already.

“Where is my mother now?”

“Her Ladyship is in her boudoir.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Watmore. That will be all.” His pace when he started towards his mother’s boudoir was far more measured than he would have liked, but even now, he couldn’t bring himself to run through the manor like a maniac. His mind was reeling. His mother would usually withdraw to her private sanctum to write letters in peace. Was that what she was doing now? If so, what about? Dread coiled in his stomach at the thought of the plethora of letters replanning the wedding would take. He stopped in front of the closed door to take several deep breaths, only knocking when he was sure that his face wouldn’t betray his inner turmoil.

The world hung in silence for a moment before his mother asked him inside, voice clear. Even if the morning’s events had upset her, she didn’t show it. She was even smiling, sitting at her small writing desk when he entered. That would have comforted John if he didn’t suspect that it was forced.

“Pardon the interruption, Mother, but I was informed that we have surprise visitors.”

“News travels fast, I see.”

Nothing was further from John’s mind than telling on the staff to his parents—even disagreeable staff like Mrs. Watmore—so he decided to keep the tone of her words to herself. “I crossed paths with Mrs. Watmore. If you want a thorough report on what everyone heard, I will certainly keep my ears open.”

“That won’t be necessary.” Sighing, she put down her pen and motioned for him to come inside. John closed the door behind him before taking a seat in the armchair nearest to her desk. “This entire situation is a debacle.”

He watched his mother put the cap back on the pen and waited a few more moments before speaking. He didn’t want to hear the answer to his question. He wanted to close his eyes and leave this room and stay in that blissful bubble he and Celeste had been in for the past few days. He wanted to court her until they were both certain that they were ready for marriage. He wanted her to be part of his life, but not as his sister-in-law, forever out of reach.

There were so many things he wanted, but he forced himself to speak. “Then she really demanded for the marriage to take place?”

“Most empathetically. I must admit, she is not wrong about it being a waste to cancel the wedding on such short notice.”

“Not such a waste as forcing Francis and Miss Hayes into an unhappy marriage. You’re not implying that your opinion has changed just because an American showed up and made a scene?”

"John," his mother scolded.

“It would have been good manners to at least take off her coat.”

His mother didn’t even acknowledge the quip. “Her demeanour wasn’t the best,” was her single reluctant admission. “And I still have no wish to force your brother into a marriage that would make him miserable, nor Miss Hayes. But that decision at dinner a few days back wasn’t easy.” She sighed. “The upkeep of both estate and servants won’t lessen, John. And if Delia Hayes wishes to, she could make it harder for us to make another lucrative connection.”

“There are plenty of wealthy daughters in England. Delia Hayes has no sway over them.” I’d marry Celeste. The words burnt his tongue, begging to be spoken. Marriage was a step he hadn’t yet wanted to put into words. Celeste and he had known each other for barely two months. Much as he wanted to remain part of her life, it wasn’t enough time to be sure that it wasn’t just infatuation, a reckless reaction on his part to a fascinating, vivacious, beautiful woman he had gotten close to only because of the thrill of a murder investigation. But he refused to let that chance be taken from him. If Delia Hayes insisted on an engagement, she would have it—if it proved necessary. “Did she really threaten you with destroying our reputation?”

“No. But we are in no position to take that risk.”

“Fear usually isn’t a good tool for judgement,” John said, feeling like a hypocrite. Why had he flown abroad, if not for fear? But that hadn’t gained him anything but guilt about wasting more of his family’s resources. “I’m sure that once she has calmed down, we will find a solution that makes everyone happy.”

“I hope so.” His mother gave him a direct look. “But you should know that she will likely insist on a marriage between young Celeste and Francis.”

She knows. Dear God. The foolish, inappropriate need to apologize seized hold of him. He hadn’t thought the attention he gave Celeste subtle—he hadn’t wanted it to be, especially during the last few days. And still, he wanted to assure his mother that it hadn’t been his intention to fall in love with his brother’s fiancée. That the hope the false engagement had stoked inside of him had burnt too bright, turning all his resolutions to stay away to cinders.

But he was no longer fifteen years old. Carefully indifferent, he raised his brows. “What, is a prospective husband only worthy if he is to inherit a title?”

“She is a very ambitious woman. She didn’t say so openly, but it was certainly obvious that she wants her stepdaughter to become a viscountess. And I can’t fault her for wanting the best for her family.”

“Why stop at viscountess? Why not find a willing duke?” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t say that out loud; that will only give her ideas. But still. Father and you said we’d find another way. I don’t see why we should abandon that stance now. It’s a matter of principle.”

His mother’s smile was sympathetic. “I fear if we don’t assent, Mrs. Hayes will look for another husband for her daughter. Possibly a duke.”

The implication was obvious. Regardless of whether Celeste married his brother or not, he would lose her. And he refused to accept that. “And it is certain that she would only accept Francis?”

“I think it's quite likely. With her family's... resources, she has bargaining power, and she knows it.”

I’d marry Celeste. The words were searing him from inside out. It might solve their problem, but he couldn’t bring the idea up to his mother before speaking to Celeste first. Even if his mother accepted that he had fallen in love with his brother’s intended, she would have expectations regarding Celeste that might prove too difficult to bear. Celeste had just escaped an unwanted engagement. He owed it to her—and himself—that she chose him of her own free will.

But that meant that he might lose her just because he hesitated, and he didn’t know if he could bear that.

His mother had watched him closely, shaking her head with a sigh after a few moments. “You have always been too stubborn for your own good, John.”

“How do you mean?”

His mother had been Viscountess Ashbourne and a member of the English Peerage for far too long to do anything as demonstrative as to lift a brow; considering this, it was a far more impressive feat that it still felt as if she did. “I can suggest to Delia Hayes that there is a far happier marriage to be made between our families, but first I need to know if that is in your and Miss Haye's interest.”

“Mother, certainly you are not suggesting that I fancy my brother’s fiancée.”

It was a last desperate attempt at decorum. His mother only smiled benignly. “I may have gotten old, but I’m not blind. You have never cared about your brother’s marital prospects as much as you do now about arguing against his marriage to Miss Hayes.”

“I…” He realized as he opened his mouth that he was struggling in vain. His parents might have been blind about Amelia’s death, but the revelations at dinner seemed to have opened his mother’s eyes at least. “She’s a charming woman.”

His mother was still smiling. “That she is.”

“Does Father know of your suspicions?”

“Not as far as I know, for now. Until now, I wasn’t certain myself if I wasn’t reading too much into your friendship.”

That at least was a small consolation. As generous as his mother appeared to be towards his indiscretion, he assumed his father would think differently. He had, led by his anxiety over the estate, urged Francis’ engagement with the younger Hayes daughter from the very beginning. But that was a problem for a different point in time. “If Mrs. Hayes could be talked into it, at least our fiscal problems would be solved. And it would spare Francis the guilt of marrying Amelia’s sister.”

“And you’d be prepared to marry her?”

“As I said, she’s a charming woman.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“You’re right.” The boudoir’s windows looked out onto the garden, presently bathed in the most beautiful sunshine he had seen in days. Had Delia Hayes not made her abrupt appearance, he and Celeste would be promenading there now, talking about everything and nothing—a book she had read, their travel experiences, absurd anecdotes about social engagements, society, philosophy, whatever brought them joy. The end of her engagement and the murder investigation had given their conversations a freedom that hadn’t seemed possible before. Feelings they couldn’t afford to indulge in had always stood in the way of the friendship they could have had otherwise. Imagining all of that being taken away, hardly won, hurt more than he dared to admit.

But did that mean that he was ready for marriage? He felt he had been once upon a time. But that had been in another life, with another woman. And while he was sure that he could love Celeste, was well on his way to loving her, in fact, he didn’t want to give her less than his entire heart. If it weren’t for the fact that he would lose that possibility if he let fear get the better of him now. As his parents’ younger son, he would never face the same marital expectations from his parents as his brother—he could wait for years if he so pleased. But would he ever find someone like Celeste again?

“John?”

“Forgive me. I hope you understand that that is not an easy question to answer. I greatly enjoy Miss Hayes’s company, and I think we could be happy together. It wouldn’t be my choice to suggest marriage to her under such circumstances, but if there is no other way..."

“Do you think she would agree to such an arrangement?”

I love you too, John. “I couldn’t tell you. I hope so.” He took a deep breath. “I would be grateful to you if you could at least put forward the possibility.”

His mother regarded him for a few endless seconds before nodding. “I will see what I can do.”

“That’s all I ask.” Guilt crept up from his chest to his throat, heavy and dark. He could only pray that he wasn’t wrong about Celeste’s affections for him. If he forced an engagement on her out of egoism, she would never forgive him—and he wouldn’t forgive himself, either. He stood quickly. “I should let you write your letters in peace.”

He was almost at the door when his mother spoke again. “John, one more thing.”

“Yes?”

His mother hadn’t moved; she hadn’t even picked up her pen. She was just looking directly at him. “Should Mrs. Hayes insist on the marriage we originally planned, and should your father and I decide that it is what is best for our family, I’ll expect you and Miss Hayes to comport yourselves accordingly.”

He swallowed. He had expected no less, but the knowledge that his mother would be watching them and know of his desires filled his stomach with lead. “Of course, Mother.”

Then he left, praying to every divinity that might hear him that his mother would be successful.

~*~

Whatever it was that his mother said to Mrs. Hayes, it wasn’t enough.

He shouldn’t have expected any other result. Francis was their father’s rightful heir and would be viscount one—hopefully distant—day, while he himself was only the child his parents had taken in out of pity and sorrow and had never cared much about societal influence. Not only did his brother stand between himself and Windcroft, but his natural father did as well, if he was even still alive. Looked at logically, the decision made sense. Celeste had mentioned again and again how ambitious Delia Hayes was and how desperately she wanted her family to climb the social ladder. An adopted son without legal entitlements to anything of relevance was bound not to be enough for her.

And still, deep in his heart, he had nurtured hopes that died an agonizing death that very afternoon.

It was cruel irony that it was his mother that told him the news. A year ago, it had been her that had taken him aside after his return from India to tell him what had laid his world to waste back then—that bloody ship, Victoria’s father’s business trip, her mourning brother’s note that had ended the faint hope that she, at least, had been able to escape. He felt just as numb as back then when he nodded, excused himself, and left the room.

Celeste was alive. That was the small consolation left to him. He would still be able to see and talk to her. She would remain a part of his life.

Until the thought of everything they would never have drove him mad.

~*~

For the rest of the day, he didn’t get a chance to talk to Celeste. Even when they were in the same room, Mrs. Hayes successfully kept her occupied—on purpose, if John wasn’t imagining the glances she threw his way now and then. Considering the antagonism he felt towards the woman, imagining foul play where there was none was a distinct possibility.

Heaven knew how he had managed to get through dinner—he had blocked out so much of it that he wouldn’t have been able to tell. Still not seeing much of what was around him, he followed his father and Francis to the library, only to nearly collide with Francis’ back when his brother suddenly stopped walking.

It took him a few moments to grasp the reason for the sudden halt: Mr. Barnes was speaking to his father in a low voice. After a moment, Father sighed and nodded. “Then I’ll better have a look at it right away. You two go on into the library.”

He only waited for a nod before walking off with Barnes. A viscount didn’t need permission to leave people out in the cold, after all. Privilege gave them the right to destroy lives or to stand idly by while others did the destroying.

For God’s sake, don’t be so dramatic. It was unfair of him to even think like that, and he knew it. His parents had given him so much, and they were only doing what they felt was best. It was ungrateful of him to jeopardize that. “What happened?”

“There has been a letter from Mr. Giles that father was waiting for.”

“Ah.” Disregarding Francis’ raised brow, John walked past him into the library. “If it is legal business, we could be waiting for a while.”

Luckily, there was already a bottle of port standing ready on a side table. Drowning his sorrow in alcohol was neither healthy nor effective—he knew well his problems would still be there afterwards—but he wasn’t sure he would survive the evening sober. He went to pour himself one and looked over his shoulder at his brother. “Do you want some as well?”

“Yes, thank you.” Francis accepted the glass and sat down in an armchair without taking his eyes off him. “John, you have to know that I am sorry.”

“It is how it is.”

“I’m serious. If there had been any way to convince Father and Mrs. Hayes that—”

“Francis, leave it be. There is nothing we can do about it either way.”

The last thing John wanted were discussions about something that could only hurt him. He didn’t blame his brother for what had happened. At least he was trying not to. Certainly, Francis could refuse to marry Celeste, but then her stepmother would whisk her away to the States and find her another husband. This way, she at least remained in his life. Maybe, someday, when the wound wasn’t as fresh, they could be friends.

Until that day, he refused to spend more time thinking about it than he had to.

“Maybe there is.” His brother put down his glass and rubbed his forehead. “There has to be some way to make her understand that you’d be just as good a husband for her daughter as me.”

“Only that I am not.” John drained his drink. “You’ll inherit the title; I won’t. That’s enough for that woman.”

“But-”

“Francis, leave it be.”

His brother shut his mouth and looked at him with far too much pity for comfort. When he didn’t say anything, John squared his shoulders. “Don’t make the situation bigger than it needs to be. Miss Hayes and I have known each other for, what, two months? We’ll bear it.”

For a moment, he was certain his brother would disagree, but then Francis only nodded and released a slow breath. “You’re probably right. I’m sorry nonetheless.”

After that, neither of them uttered another word. John would have liked to say that this would change nothing between them. All of them were mature adults. They moved in circles in which marrying purely for love was a luxury. He would be expected to master his feelings and be the perfect brother-in-law to Celeste.

He repeated that knowledge to himself again and again. Tried to internalize it. Tried to remind himself that what he took for profound, fervent love could well be nothing but infatuation that would dissipate if he ignored it long enough. That was how feelings were supposed to work once one was no longer an adolescent.

If only reality were as simple as the theory.

~*~

He stayed in the drawing room for as long as he could stomach, but in the end, he couldn’t bear it anymore. Listening as Delia Hayes talked excitedly about wedding preparations with his grandmother, while his mother and father made polite replies, Celeste sat there looking as miserable as he felt, and Francis gave every appearance of wanting to disappear then and there, was a new form of torture.

The proper behaviour on his part would have been to listen with a stiff upper lip, but his patience was at an end. He stood, instantly feeling all eyes on him.

“I’m sorry, but I just recalled that there was an urgent letter from an acquaintance I need to reply to. It slipped my mind, what with everything that happened today. I hope you’ll excuse me.”

His mother nodded immediately. “Of course. Will you rejoin us once you are finished?”

“I don’t think so. I wish everyone a good night. Mrs Hayes. Miss Hayes.”

“Can’t your letter wait awhile longer?”

Of those present, most could not have made him hesitate, but he couldn’t ignore the sound of Celeste’s voice. Everyone’s eyes shifted from him to her. Her gaze was on him, her smile brave, but with a plea in her eyes that made his heart stutter painfully.

He cleared his throat. “I don’t think I have much input to give on the wedding preparations.”

“That topic will surely soon be exhausted.”

Her stepmother tsked. “Don’t be foolish, Celeste. We’re not nearly done even with the guest list!”

Celeste’s smile was as polite as it was impersonal. “The guest list has been finalized months ago. I can imagine that you’d like to hear what important personages will be in attendance, but everyone here should be able to participate in tonight’s conversation, don’t you think?”

“As yet, nobody has voiced a complaint about this topic, dear.”

Her smile was so patronizing that it made John’s blood boil. As if Celeste was nothing more than a misbehaving child that one needed to explain basic concepts to instead of a mature, intelligent woman that knew her own mind.

His grandmother waved her hand dismissively before he was able to rise to her defence. “I’d like to hear more about the intended guests. So, Blythe, Rebecca has made certain of the accommodation despite this unfortunate matter?”

The beginnings of hope that had crept into Celeste’s face for a few traitorous heartbeats vanished. She was still looking at him, silently pleading with him to stay. And he wavered. He didn’t want to abandon her. But she was his brother’s wife-to-be. The sooner he accepted that there was no future to this kind of closeness, the better.

So, he held her gaze for a moment, trying to silently give her the apology he was unable to speak aloud, and then left the room.

There really was a letter to be answered (the only thing that had been a fib was its urgency), but he halted at the foot of the stairs to breathe in deeply. He might not have been able to bear the drawing room, but the prospect of his empty quarters seemed no more inviting. If he went about it quietly, he would be able to sneak out to spend a few hours at the pub. Its laughter and noise were sure to distract him. Going there wouldn’t solve his problem, but it would help him forget for a time.

But first, he would have to change his clothes. His tailcoat was unlikely to be inconspicuous in a pub. He was so immersed in debating his plan that he nearly collided with Effie once he reached the upper floor. The maid only just managed to jump aside.

“Oh! Master John!”

“My apologies, Effie. I should have watched where I was going.” He made to move past her when she suddenly cleared her throat.

“Beg your pardon, sir, but I have a message for you.”

“Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”

Against his better judgement, he had stopped, which allowed him to watch Effie look around furtively before pressing the sheets she was carrying to her chest with one arm and using the other to pull a sheaf of paper out of her apron’s pocket. “It’s from Miss Hayes. For you. She gave it to me before she went down to dinner. I was supposed to give it to you as soon as I saw you.”

If he were wise, he would dismiss the letter, especially after all his lofty professions of good intentions, but he couldn’t bring himself to. “Thank you, Effie.” He took the note from her and was about to turn away when she cleared her throat again.

“I’m sorry, sir, but Miss Hayes asked me to tell you to read it immediately, so I can give her your answer.” She lowered her gaze, as if she expected an upbraiding for her brazenness. Even investigating a murder together couldn’t change some things.

Celeste’s letter was short. Instead of the unnecessary apologies and vows to never forget him he had expected, there were only two sentences.

John,

I need to speak to you. Tonight, at the top of the tower, once everyone has gone to bed.

All my love,

Celeste

He shouldn’t.

But he couldn’t resist, either. “I’ll be there," he said, pocketed the note, and continued his way towards his room.

~*~

Celeste threw herself into his arms the moment he reached the top of the stairs.

“Careful!” The unexpected force made him teeter backwards; only a quick grab for the railing prevented them both from tumbling down the staircase. Celeste backed up immediately.

“I’m sorry, but I’m so relieved to see you.”

“It’s alright.” He took a few steps away from the stairs, just to be safe. “Are you telling me that seeing you during that farce of a dinner wasn’t enough?”

“You mean the dinner where I hardly had a moment to speak to you?” Celeste, usually a picture of decorum and grace, laughed bitterly. At least she hadn’t completed the indecency of their situation by having shown up in a nightdress. She was still wearing her evening gown, merely without her gloves and jewellery. “I’m glad Effie caught you before it was too late, at least.”

“I wasn’t sure whether to come.” Every shred of common sense he possessed was screaming at him to leave, that there was no use, that their disappointment would only get bigger the longer he held on, but instead, he wrapped his arms around her when she embraced him again. “But I couldn’t stay away.”

“You better not.” It was her who pulled away, if only far enough to look up into his face. “John, I’m so unbelievably sorry. I tried to change Delia’s mind, but she twisted every word I said.”

“I’m under the impression that your stepmother is quite determined not to let anyone veer her from her course. Even my mother couldn’t do a thing about her.”

Celeste twisted out of his arms completely, her lips pressed tightly together, and walked a few steps away from him, only to turn sharply around. “Delia has always been like that," she announces, her eyes blazing. “Whenever something doesn’t fit into her plans, she just stops listening, no matter how many arguments one brings forward. And with this, it doesn’t help that it’s about our feelings. Who cares that I’ll still marry into English nobility, but will be happy about it, if she could brag about her daughter the future viscountess instead?” She looked on the verge of punching or kicking something.

John understood. He was just as furious at the powerlessness he felt.

“She can’t force Francis and you to marry.”

“But she can force me to go back to the States.” Sighing, Celestes dropped down onto the cushioned bank they had sat on only a few days ago when he had confessed his love to her. The memory turned his stomach. How naïve they had been. “I don’t know whether she’d use force, but I’m financially dependent on my parents. And, well, they're my parents.” She looked away. “I can’t simply break with them.”

“They’d really disown you?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed deeply, closing her eyes for a moment. “But I fear it. In any case, I doubt they’d agree to pay the large dowry that made me attractive as a daughter-in-law for your parents in the first place.”

“Even if I don’t marry for money, Francis could still do so in the future.”

“But will his marriage prospects be improved by a penniless American, disowned by her own parents and without any connections worth mentioning?” Her hands balled into fists. “And all this wouldn’t be such a problem if Delia wasn’t so good at dismissing anything that doesn’t fit into her view of the world!”

He would have liked to reassure her that all her stepmother needed was time to acclimate herself to the idea, but she had told him enough about the woman to know that that was unlikely. Once Delia Hayes had adopted a goal, she held onto it, even if she had to walk across corpses to reach it. “I’m sorry, Celeste.”

Immediately, astonishment softened her angry face. “Why? Nothing about this is your fault, John. If anything, I have to apologize for Delia.” For a moment, she seemed on the cusp of saying more, but then, she pressed her lips together and shook her head. “We have to come up with something, and fast.”

John laughed without joy. He had been wracking his brain since his conversation with his mother, without one decent plan to show for it. Only ludicrous, half-formed ideas. “Sadly, I don’t have any claims to titles I haven’t told you about. Without eloping to Scotland, I don’t see a way out.”

Celeste was silent for some moments. She stared out at the moonlit hills, her brows furrowed. “If this was only about showing Delia that she can’t control everything, I’d be tempted to ask you for precisely that.”

“I beg your pardon?” He was sure that he had misheard.

But Celeste merely met his eyes and shrugged. “That isn’t a new idea, is it? Two lovers throwing duty and opposition into the wind and running away together?” She forced a smile. “Aunt Maude, at least, would be thrilled.”

“Your aunt would probably even help us if we asked her to.”

“Oh, she would.” As if she had suddenly forgotten why they were meeting clandestinely and talking about hypothetical secret marriages in the first place, Celeste’s eyes took on the mischievous gleam he so loved. “If only to see Delia’s face when she finds out. You don’t know how much Aunt Maude would enjoy holding that over her head for the rest of their lives. That all her tyranny and propriety didn’t gain her anything in the end, I mean.”

“There isn’t only your family to consider, however. There’s mine, too.” John had meant to remain serious, but when he looked into Celeste’s sparkling eyes, the same recklessness he always felt with her seized him. “My grandmother might actually have a heart attack when she hears of it.”

“Your grandmother always seemed rather tough to me.”

“That’d be the alternative: her having both of our heads.”

“Obviously, there is only one solution for that.” He had sat down next to her by this time, so instead of continuing her speech, Celeste scooted closer to him, let her fingers wander down his lower arm until she could take his hand in hers, and looked at him so intensely with her warm brown eyes that his chest warmed. Only then did she speak. “We just turn our back on it all and make sure we are never heard from again.”

“Or we rely on your charm winning over my parents to our side and let them deal with Grandmother. Provided you don’t object to marrying a younger son without much to offer.” He held her hand tightly in his. All of this was nothing but idle daydreaming, but he couldn’t make himself let go.

“Only if that younger son doesn’t object to marrying said penniless, disgraced American.”

He swallowed with difficulty. The mischief had vanished from her eyes, although her gaze hadn’t lost any of its intensity, and without her having to say it, he knew what she hoped for from him. “If this was only about myself, I wouldn’t care a whit about anything else, Celeste," he said, his voice suddenly hoarse. “I would go anywhere with you. But my family…”

His parents had done so much for him. He couldn’t repay them by not only foiling a lucrative marriage but making it harder to find another such one, at the very moment they needed the money the most. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he disappointed them like that.

Celeste didn’t seem to have expected another answer; she only nodded and took a slightly shaky breath without loosening her hold on him. “I understand.”

“But I’m grateful for the time we had," he said after a moment. “As short as it might have been.”

“So that’s it?” She looked up at him with those big, dark brown eyes he had found such joy losing himself in during the last few days, and his heart constricted painfully. It was obvious that she felt the same. He saw her swallow before she could speak again. “We just give up?”

It was as if her words pulled his fears and anxieties into reality with gruesome clarity. For a moment, he felt as if forced into icy water; his lungs closed as if every breath was pressed out of them, and his heart first stuttered and then beat thrice as fast as usual, painful and in panic. He had only just found her. No matter what they did now, their lives would alter forever, and both paths were littered with things they would regret.

But how was he supposed to put his own happiness over the financial security of his family?

“It was a beautiful dream, Celeste," he said, shaking his head. “But it was always too good to be true.”

“There has to be something we can do," she insisted, but at this point, she likely spoke out of stubbornness rather than real hope. He wanted to deny it himself, but the truth was that there was no escape. Hoping at all had been naïve, but he couldn’t regret having given into it. He was just about to say something to that effect when Celeste suddenly dropped his hand and stood. “We just have to find some means to delay the wedding; buy ourselves some time. Enough to come up with something to convince our parents to let us decide for ourselves.” She started to pace. “Maybe I can fake an illness. Effie would certainly aid me. How kind or liable to bribery is your family’s physician?”

“Celeste, even if we were able to fool anyone, which I don’t believe we could pull off, what good would it do? There is nothing that could make me look like a better match than Francis.”

“I refuse to just give up. After everything we’ve been through in the last few months, I won’t waste my life by being forced into a marriage that will make every single one of us unhappy.”

“Francis is a good man.” It hurt, saying the words, but someone had to. He had to make both of them realize that it was easier to look their fate in the eye. “He would never mistreat you.”

„He would do his best not to see Amelia every time he looks at me, you mean.” Suddenly, she stilled and looked at him with steel in her gaze. “How am I supposed to marry a man who I know wishes I were my dead sister, while he knows that I wish he were you? Just how do you expect this to work, John?”

“We would hardly be the first to marry other people than those we wish to.” She was right, of course she was, but what would admitting that aloud change? “It will hurt in the beginning, but we will learn to live with it.”

“Even if we could, that isn’t what I want.”

“It isn’t what I want, either.” He stood and walked over to where she was standing. In the dim light, her hair silvered by moonlight, her face gilded by the lantern’s glow, she looked like an ethereal creature out of a dream, hidden from daylight. Just what she had always been to him. And yet, she was so beautiful that he wanted nothing more than to pull her to him and kiss her until they forgot everything that had happened that day. The thought did nothing but feed his misery. “Believe me," he said, “I wish things were different.”

“John…”

“I can’t hang on to pointless hopes again and again, Celeste. Not after everything.”

“They won’t be pointless if we can find a way to convince Delia.” When he didn’t reply to that, because he honestly didn’t know what to say, she reached out a hand to gently stroke his cheek. The tender caress sent a shiver down his spine, and although he should have put distance between them, he leant his hand into her warm, soft hand when she let it rest against his skin. He didn’t want this moment, possibly the last they’d ever have, to end. Her thumb softly stroked his cheek. “Promise me you won’t give up, John, that you’ll at least try to come up with something. Then I’ll promise the same.”

It was pointless; it was foolish, but looking into her eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to say so. At the end of it, she was right: after everything they had seen and lost, sacrificing their happiness to duty was laughable. He could only hope that they would find a way to win this fight before it was too late.

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