#Someone remind me to delete this!
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LOL, what if I tried to overcome my inability to write smut by writing an unimaginably self-indulgent fic based on a fucking manga series that I was obsessed with Back in the Day that nobody knows and nobody would care but it also wouldn't matter because I'd just be writing it for me and it would just be pure pornography and trashy as hell and I probably wouldn't dare show it to anyone else, let alone post it but maybe it would help me get over some of my insecurities about writing or maybe it would just make them worse and be a waste of time and what am I doing, shut the fuck up, Sam, LOL
#What is wrong with you Sam you should not be allowed to write#My writing tag is just so appropriate#And it should also apply to text posts not just fics and my weird AU ideas#I'm so fucking tired LOL#This bitch is going through it right now folks#I really should delete this in the morning...#Someone remind me to delete this!#I'm channelling DG over here. Even though the AU would be not about him but whatever.#Shut up Sam stop!
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gwendolyn de rolo, the most charming person in whitestone (feat. the eyes of charming)
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an addendum to this post
#critical role#cr fanart#critical role fanart#cr3#gwendolyn de rolo#someone liked the og post recently & reminded me it existed—so I decided to add visuals#dancy draws#(I’m so sorry if this has shown up on people’s dashes multiple times. I haven’t been able to see it on my end so I’ve deleted/reposted)
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Fanart of Ludovica and her unnamed girlfriend! I based her girlfriend off a Gordon Setter, one of my favourite dog breeds!
Also, cowboy Vasco and Ludovica
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#good lord this post nearly gave me a heart attack#it disappeared from my inbox when I was on desktop and I thought I had either deleted it by accident or the site had ate it#but it was still there on mobile!#I have no idea what went wrong#I'm so relieved phew#these are terribly cute!#I think I need to draw Ludovica wearing a flannel shirt too#she'd look snazzy#and a gordon setter would work with her design really well#they'd complement each other#also someone said that Ludo reminds them of Jessie from Toy Story and I find it hard to disagree#Vasco already has a subtle cowboy theme going on in some of the aus so they match beautifully#thank you!#gift art#papierkowy-zuraw#Ludovica#Vasco#own characters
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cw: Bakugou dies but comes back to life, “comes back wrong” trope, implied fighting, angst
When Bakugou died, you’re not sure how you went on living. Grief had taken over your life, sat you in the passenger side while it cruised off the highway into icy waters. And even then, you couldn’t find the energy to drown.
It’s why there’s a sudden uptick of energy when you’re promised to have him back. Some top scientists contact you months after his death, tell you to hurry down to the headquarters labs, come and rejoice for what you’re about to witness. And you’re horrified, to say the least.
“This isn’t my husband.” Are your first words when you walk in, watch the figure on the other side of the glass examine its own hands. It looks like your husband but—but his hair isn’t the right shade of blond all over. His nose bridge had a slight bump after a scuffle with a villain. He had a scar on his hand but—but it never looked like it was to sew a pinky beside the other fingers.
“Is that really my husband?” You ask next in disbelief, slowly entering the room. Bakugou’s head snaps up, his eyes a little brighter than you remember but—they hold so much emotion. So much memory, so much panic, so much guilt.
“I left you.” He mutters, his voice raspy and ragged, and you wonder if it’ll always be like this now. It makes you cry a little harder than it should, but you only embrace each other. He’s cold and his shoulders don’t hold the same mass and his back doesn’t carry the same scars. There’s one, jagged and rough, running down his back, and you think, you think that’s where they slipped a new spine in.
“Welcome back home.” You tell him, weeks after meeting him again, new and not totally—Katsuki. He’s stiff and he doesn’t immediately take off his boots when he enters, and it worries you. Makes you think if you’ve just let a stranger into your home, one that has stolen your dead husbands face. Makes you wonder if he’ll be as loving as Katsuki once was, or if he’ll become your monster looming over you with the guilt of not being able to rest anymore.
“I’ve missed you so much.” You whisper against his mouth one night, a little while after he’s moved back. You don’t know why you lay under him, why you let him nestle himself inside of you, why you let him hold you against his chest. Katsuki always ran his hands over your cheeks and neck whenever he held you like this, but this…man, only holds himself up with his hands resting beside your head. It’s alien, how he looks at you, how his hips are methodically measured with every thrust, how he kisses you every 8 seconds. You wonder if he’s more robot than Frankenstein monster.
“Why did you come back to me like this?” You ask him one night, barricaded in the bathroom away from him. You can hear his sobs on the other side, his pleading to be let in. He tells you he never wanted to come back if he had to be like this, that he’s sorry, please let him in, he misses the warmth of your skin, he’s never been so cold before, he’s never liked the cold.
“Is this considered cheating?” You ask yourself aloud one night, when Bakugou is forced back to the lab when he becomes too…un-Bakugou. To sleep with a man that is your husband in every way but? Your husband has been dead for a year now, and yet you stroke the chin of the man that tries so hard to be him everyday, but fails so miserably at it every time.
“I’ll come back to you right this time.” Bakugou promises to you when he’s strapped down to leave for the lab and before he’s sedated. But you don’t believe him—you never did. Your husband is dead, and this animated corpse has been nothing but a cheap mockery of everything you’ve lost and something you will never truly get back.
#I was writing this and then checked my dash and saw another post about this#and felt so guilty and almost didn’t post it aidjdkfj#but I love this trope too much to delete it!!!!!#I’ve written about this in my published book before and it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written#there’s just such a deep heartache about having to grieve someone#and then the grieving process being interrupted by the one you lost#and battling with their death even though you still look at them everyday again#but it’s just not right?? it’s not the same??#they have the same face (kinda) but it’s truly not hem#not them* heck#it reminds me of a convo I had in a psych class about making a new cloned version of yourself#where the question was ‘is the clone/new version still you? or are they an entirely new person now?’#and at first I said they’re still me you know? they have my face n body n memories#but my prof told me no!! after they have been cloned they are sentient and are now their own person making new memories apart from you#and I thought that was soooo interesting and it makes me fall in love w this trope every time#you’re my person but only a version. you’re who I love but a newer person. you’re not them. you’re everything I’ve missed about them#so heartbreaking I LOVE ITTTT#sorry I’m rapping it’s the sleep meds kicking in#okay bai#bakugou treats! 🍬#—new treat in the streets! 🍫
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Damn Great. I mean good for you, stay safe.
#Amazing how plot relevant the durex sponsorship has become#Someone remind me to delete this ss from my computer after the episode ends please because i dont want to have to explain this one#4 minutes the series
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hi! can i please get a moodboard themed around an ox? gender neutral leaning slightly masc (but gender neutral in a pinch) and yes please to the paci and unstudded please! my petre name is clover if that helps with figuring things out :)) please lmk if i’ve missed anything and have a great day!!
Sure!!
#ox#!!!#okay listen#when someone sends me a second ask i add a note to the original request to remind me what they said and then delete the second one#i have since developed a better method of just putting a screenshot in the first request#but i started this one before that system#and all i wrote was “4”#i don't know what that means anymore#so if something you asked for was messed up my apologies!!#anyway i really like how this turned out#so i hope you enjoy#sfw interaction only#sfw agere#agere#moodboard#age regression#sfw littlespace#agere moodboard#age dreaming#babyre#baby regression#no pacifier
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in light of an anon sending me 2 asks wishing me pain/death (although not the most serious in tone) only to then follow it up with an immediate apology saying "i didnt mean it i love your art so much please dont die" im deciding to just revoke yalls anonymous privileges because clearly you people are just too comfortable saying whatever the fuck you feel like without ever stopping to think for a second. and like ive mentioned; im not one that cares for death threats. but for you to just throw this shit at someone only to immediately apologize and take it back? what happened to thinking before we act? have we truly reached a point where we're so online-brained we've forgotten theres actual consequences for our actions? if youre comfortable enough to send someone you dont know death threats that you dont even mean i expect you to be comfortable saying that same thing with your name attached to it. this is just getting annoying to deal with
#i wont do anything to that anon other than delete their asks#bc im well aware that some people do and say things they dont mean due to various reasons#so ill accept the apology and move on#but fucking christ its annoying to see#monthly reminder that you do not know me. this is a very weird thing to do to someone you dont know#nat rambles#also its currently 6am so i may be a little cranky#Apologies
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Kinda amazed how Tumblr still isn't blocked in Russia
#Discord is now blocked too‚ because they didn't delete the thing Roskomnadzor wanted them to delete in time#because the complaint was sent into a wrong email#or something#anyway it just reminded me how weird it is that no one is crying about Tumblr and what it has#well. honestly i think it's the matter of time when someone who blocks everything notices Tumblr#and start crying and screaming and hitting walls#sobbing and maybe shitting too#talk.pmp#for deletion#upd honestly I'm sure this is the matter of time#upd upd they want to block steam now too like C'MON
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do you ever get period cramps that are so bad it’s like oh my god there are monsters in my tummy and they’re clawing their way out hahah anyways sevika smut coming soon
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The funniest part of being in a small fandom/in a small section of a fandom is two people eating at eachother while the rest is ignoring them and having their fun in the fandom sandbox
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Me when
Every single night
#stray kids#quotes#writing#girlblogging#Felix#lee felix#stray kids stay#stray kids felix#skz#skz felix#we love depressed humor#lee yongbok#me#mental health#dunno#y’all if someone comes across this I hope I alr deleted the vent post#if not omfg pls remind me#Cant let the gang know im a mental wreck#at least humor is still existing
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Willing to bet that Joe Locke’s dialect coach is straight and it’s causing me stress like his pronunciation is fine but that’s not how a queer American person would say that slang
Anyway I’m not opposed to hiring Brits to play Americans but I do think having queer writers and actors is not actually sufficient in this case
#It’s after midnight and I’m being cranky#maybe I’ll delete this in the morning#agatha all along#I’m not blaming Joe to be clear#accents are hard#but I think a production choice was made and it was probably the wrong choice#especially if you are going to cram in a bunch of stereotypical queer American slang into the writing#which is also a Choice#reminds me of the time I was doing a play and the actress couldn’t pronounce Staten Island Ferry correctly#she kept emphasizing the word Island#and a New Yorker will know immediately that it’s wrong#It’s not the pronunciation it’s the way you say the words together#slang is tricky especially intra-community slang#so you better have someone who knows what they’re doing on the production side#especially when that’s clearly your target audience
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your aa art is lovely i want you to know that
oh! thank you!! that's so nice of you :)
#...did larry always have eyes on his chest?#i totally didn't forget that i'd reupload the stuff i deleted#i'll get around to it... eventually... someone remind me again in two weeks#askakoi#thanks again! you're so sweet
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Someone submitted these images to me, saying that they’ve seen a lot of people interacting with this person, and want to let people know, but don’t want to attract harassment by posting.
Their username is @/sandycheekscockvore. Here are screenshots of their blog, where they’re telling people who draw characters as trans men to fuck off, and reblogging FOX News anti-trans propaganda. There’s also a screenshot of them getting shouted out on a radfem blog.
Just in case anyone is unfamiliar with the interviewer in that FOX News article or thinks that there’s a chance that it could be unbiased, Riley Gaines—the interviewer—thinks that trans women shouldn’t be allowed to play in women’s sports, including chess. She also fights for trans people, especially trans women, to have less rights.
#just in case anyone whines about how I’m ‘trying to deplatform someone!!!’#or ‘making a callout post!!!’#telling trans people that there’s a transphobe in the community is not doing either of those things#the first one kinda hurt because trans hcs make me feel more comfortable and secure#tw transphobia#proship#proshipper#proshipper safe#proship safe#proselfship#profic#profiction#<- tags for people who are in the same communities as them#also I didn’t write this but thank you to the submitter#I kept their name out because they asked to be anonymous#the submitter also alleged that this person confessed to being a radfem but deleted the post#anyone defending this behavior will be blocked from my blog#also the implications that trans men can’t look like ‘normal men’ and that people just do trans hcs to be quirky is so messed up#reminds me of those transphobic theories saying that trans men and nonbinary people just say they’re trans to be qUiRkY aNd DiFfErEnt
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Ugh. I had a really bad day.
#chat sesh with iris#vent in the tags#had to get a super personal reminder of someone who I used to know who left me YEARS AGO but it still upsets me to hear her name and I#literally saw HER MOM who proceeded to talk a bunch about what she’s been doing#tw suicide mention#tw suicidal ideation#in the tags lol#so warning that it’s in the next tag#like I think about killing myself whenever I have a passing thought about her so this was too much#I’m not going to do it I’m physically safe 👍👍👍 but like#even despite all of the shitty things that happened I was still having a pretty good week because like. people have been really nice to me.#and I’ve been having a little fun#but this is way too far to excuse like practically no matter what else happened or happens 😭😭😭#like hearing how much better her life is than mine#I literally had to physically leave the situation#like she had finally after YEARS(!!!) gotten mostly off of my mind#but not anymore#the heaviest sigh ever#anyway I would apologize for venting but like this is my blog 👍👍👍#I don’t really have anywhere else to talk about it#like even the people who I consider my best friends did not care or respond or ask questions when I mentioned that I was having like a-#breakdown in public#other than one#shoutouts#and I’m probably going to sleep really soon so maybe I’ll wake up and think this is too personal and delete it#like if I’m only posting because of how tired I was#or who knows maybe my thoughts will keep me awake for hours#I still have nightmares about her#BLUE AND DAWN AND HOP AND ARVEN AND GREEN SAVE ME!!!!!
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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.
you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.
and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts
#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with#is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain#i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself#that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once#but never never never liked enough#i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting#i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out#i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again#but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough#for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find#maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months#anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie#but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down#blah#personal#not st
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