𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒. | 𝐺. 𝑆𝑈𝐺𝑈𝑅𝑈 x Reader
TW: cursing, explicit sexual content, death
AO3 LINK!!!
Summary:
अभी ना जाओ छोड़कर कर दिल अभी भरा नहीं (Abhee na jao chhodakar kar dil abhee bhara nahin): "Don't leave now, your heart is not full yet." - Asha Bhosle and Mohammed Rafi, Abhi Na Jao Chhod Kar, RRKPK Ver.
Regret.
It's a powerful thing that can tear a human down.
My regret? I was not able to save my best friend, my love, from the darkness that threatened to consume him.
He came to me in the night, claiming the very thing he had a grasp on since the moment I met him.
I just wish I could have stopped him then and there before he left me for good.
I wish I could have told him that there was no need to build a new world when he himself was my world, my home.
~~~~~
Notes:
Yokoso, watashi no Tumblr society...
i literally forgot this existed until i opened my google drive lmfaoo
yeh i had to use that song lol
translations will be in parentheses
~~~~~
“(Name)! You have to eat this cake; it's literally so good!” Gojo shouts from across the room, a beaming smile on his face.
“I will! Later, I promise.” I yelled back, and I got a happier smile from him again.
Satoru and Shoko had planned a little farewell party for me because of the fact that I was going to continue my studies in England. Nanami was also here, but like me, he chose to sit in silence, lightly sipping from the champagne in his glass. Other people that I knew from college and Jujutsu High were present as well. Even though my home was bright and lively, something was missing. Or, in this case, someone.
Suguru Geto. The calm to my storm.
I had the fattest crush on him in high school, and I'm sure he knew. That's why he flirted and teased me a lot. But beyond that, he was always there to listen to my little nerdy talks. Or even my rage talks. He would just sit there with a gentle smile on his face, ready to digest some random information about astrophysics. Hell, he would even ask questions afterwards. He was the peace in my chaos. Until he became chaos itself. The news of his massacre and defection did not shock me as much as I hoped it would. After Riko and Yu's deaths, he was slowly falling into a pit of darkness. With Satoru out on solo missions and me being busy with college applications and entrance studying, we weren't there to give him a hand to pull him out of that abyss. To this day, that is still Satoru and my greatest regret.
I thought our bond was unbreakable; he himself told me so.
One night, I was woken up from a nightmare at Satoru’s house during a sleepover. In that god-horrid vision, Satoru and Suguru had left me dead. I still remember the words Suguru said in the dream: “Leave her; she's no good for us.”
It was really hard for me to sleep after that, so I headed to the kitchen and found Suguru drinking a glass of water. I explained to him what happened, and he held me, his arms around my body and legs tangled for the entire night. He helped me sleep and promised that he would never leave me. Now that “promise” turned out to be futile. That unbreakable bond that tethered our souls was split, yearning to be joined again.
“You're thinking about him, aren't you?” Nanami said, lightly tapping my knee with his, gaining my attention.
I looked at him with blank eyes and said, “I don’t know what you're talking about, Kento.”
“It's okay to miss him; we all know how close you two were.”
“Leave it. Don't speak of him.”
He hums, acknowledging my privacy on the matter, before whispering with a gentle voice, “Even though you are miles away after today, know that I'm here for you. Because I know how much of a hassle it is to talk to Gojo, please never hesitate to speak to me if it's a serious matter.”
A small smile came upon my face, and I gently bumped into his shoulder with mine, an act of gratitude. “Thank you, Kento.”
“(Name)! Nanamin! Get the hell over here! We're starting cards against humanity!”
The two of us headed over to Satoru’s excited ass, who was reading the manual. That night was going to be my last night with them. 5 years is a long time without my closest friends, so I would cherish this night without any regrets.
—
“But (Name), I don't want to leave you. Even though I'm going to see you in the morninggg!” A drunk Satoru whines, hugging me so tight that it felt as if my lungs were going to pop.
“Sa-To-Ru.” I said, struggling to put his name together with the lack of air. I slowly pushed him to the threshold of the front door, trying to get him out. Unfortunately, his 6’3 ass would not budge.
“I got him (Name), don't stress.” Shoko says this from outside. She grabs the back of his shirt, pulls him the fuck out of my house, and waves good-bye.
Laughing lightly, I close the front door and head to my room for a quick shower. As I entered my room, the aura of it felt off. It was as if something that wasn't supposed to be there was present. Ignoring the feeling, I headed over to the closet to pick out some clothes, but before I could, a large hand grabbed me by my waist and pulled me flush against their chest. I realised it was a very tall man, around the same height as Gojo; it would be hard to escape. I thought of screaming, but it was as if he read my mind and put his other hand over my mouth. The arm around my waist forced me to turn around, and I was met with the very eyes I fell in love with.
Suguru Geto.
His hand fell from my face, and he took two steps back, allowing me to truly see him after so long.
“What are you doing here, Suguru?”
“Can’t I see my girl before she leaves?” He says this, smirking and tilting his head.
“I’m not your girl. I could have been, but you lost that right after you committed mass murder and betrayed your friends.”
“It was necessary. For the world I'm trying to make for you and for us, it damn well must be necessary.”
“Tsk, get yourself and your twisted philosophies out of my house.” I gritted my teeth at his response.
“Please, you are going to be gone for a long time. Let me hold you as I once did.”
“Out of kindness and the love I held for you, I won't tell Satoru or Yaga about this little visit. It's best if you leave; I would like my last night here to be in peace.”
“Held? The love you ‘held’ for me? Darling, I think you mean ‘hold’ for me,” he grins.
“I don't love you, Suguru, not when you left me, craving your touch.”
“Is that so? Then surely your heart's rapid pace and the blush on your cheeks are just my imagination, right?”
I take a step forward, raising a finger at him. “Listen here, you bastar-”
I was interrupted by his arm pulling me from my waist into his chest. I gazed into his dark eyes, and somewhere in there I found desperation.
“You're mine, (Name). You always have been. No matter where you are—two miles or even countries away—you are mine. I’m here to claim what is left of you, the part that I always held a right to.”
I shuddered against him, my fist curling around his white button-up shirt. “And what's that?”
“Your heart.”
In a flash, his lips were upon mine. Cold but dominating enough to envelop my warmth with his. He took the entirety of me in, his tongue clashing with mine. Small moans drifted from my voice, disobeying my heart's call. As much as I tried to push myself away, subconsciously, this was where I was meant to be.
My swollen lips finally pulled away. “Sugu, please.”
“Let me have you tonight, please. Let me revel in your touch; our bodies as one.”
“I can't, Sugu. I would be betraying my righteousness.”
“Virtuousness is fleeting. Love is eternal. We are eternal. Please (Name), let me show you the pleasures of this world. Let me make you mine, so no one in this world can ever lay a hand on you.”
If my friends could read my mind at this time, they would label me a selfish sociopath. But tonight was my last night, and if I come back five years later and he's not here, then saying no would be a mistake. Plus, high school me would be begging to say yes.
“Fuck it.” I whisper, quickly pulling him by the collars of his shirt and smashing my lips on his.
His hand made it to my ponytail and took off the band, making my hair cascade down my backless dress. His hands tangled in my tresses, pulling my hair back and breaking the kiss. His wet lips sucked on my neck, leaving dark bruises that would take weeks to disappear. As he continued his ministrations I made my way to his button-up, opening and taking off his shirt. Gliding my hands over his pecs, I could feel his intense heartbeat, saying one thing: my name.
“Hold on to me.” He whispers against my skin, grabbing my hips and wrapping my legs around his waist. He made his way over to my bed and gently placed me on it, hovering over me. He gazed into my watery eyes.
“If I had just told you that I loved you earlier, maybe, just maybe I-”
“Sugu, right now, it's just us. Don't focus on what could have been; focus on what can be.”
He blinked his thoughts away and dragged the chain of my dress down, my bare form meeting his eyes. The dress was thrown to the side of the room by him, while his eyes never left my body. His lips went towards the middle of my breasts, to where my heart was.
“Mine.” He whispered against my skin, feeling my heart. He continued kissing down my stomach, leaving hickeys behind. His hands curled around the band of my underwear and pulled them down.
"Suguru, please be gen- oh my god." I was cut off by the feeling of his wet lips sucking on my clit.
I took off the rubber band holding half his hair up and ran my hands through his black locks. His lips unlatched, and his tongue replaced the actions. Small whimpers released from my throat, and I yanked his hair by mistake, causing him to groan and sending the vibrations through my lower body.
“Fuck Sugu, just like that baby.”
He didn’t stop; he didn't even go faster; he was making me writhe under him because he knew that he couldn't stay for long, so his first priority was to embed memories of this night in the best way possible. Slowly and agonisingly, he licked a stripe up my slit and came up to look me in the eyes.
Tears fell from my face, and I was blushing profusely. “You look so pretty, like this baby. You wanna tell me what you want?
I bashfully turned my head to the side, and he chuckled at my antics. Suguru hooked a finger under my chin and ushered me to gaze into his eyes.
“Don’t be shy now; I want to hear you say it.” He whispers. His beautiful lips curled into a smirk.
I blink away my tears, and with a shaky voice, I say, “I need you in me, Sugu.”
“That's it, my love.” His lips meet their way back to mine, and I moan into his mouth, feeling his tongue toying with mine. His hands make quick work of removing his pants and underwear, leaving us both bare in the dark room.
Breaking the kiss, I move my hand down to his seeping cock and smirk while looking into his wide eyes. “My turn."
I slowly move my hand down his shaft, feeling his slick moisten my hand. My thumb grazes his tip, which is leaking precum and he whines into my neck.
“ Fuck , (Name) please, I need-”
“Go on,” I interrupt, smiling at him.
Suguru gives me a quick peck on my lips and aligns his cock to my sopping cunt. His tip moved up and down my slit, gathering the spit and cum to make his way into me. He slowly thrust into me, letting me adjust to his girth. My nails clawed at his toned back, and I moaned at the filling feeling. He hooked his hands behind my knees and pushed them flush against my chest. His cock went even deeper, reaching places that made me see stars. He started moving faster, his balls slapping against my ass, and the squelch of my cunt echoed throughout the silent room. Suguru’s quiet whines and my moans created a harmonic melody that was pushing me to bliss.
“Y-you hear that, baby? F-f-fuuckkk! You take me so well, gods .” He says this as his lips kiss all over my neck.
“Sugs, I can’t- hold- oooh fuck baby pleaseee. ” I couldn't form words as he went even deeper, stretching me out completely. My back arched off the mattress, and he growled at my cunt clenching around his cock. His thrusts became more erratic, and he was reaching his end, as was I.
“Fuckk (Name), cum with me, please; I need to fill you up.” He groans into the crook of my neck.
My pussy clenched at his words, and he took note of that: "Oh, you like that? Wanna be stuffed full of my cum?”
I meekly nodded, unaware of the consequences that may show up later.
"Oh, sweetheart, imma pump you so full of my kids, gonna see you get all swollen and cute, yeah?”
"Ahh, Suguru, fuck, I cant-” I moan, unable to construct sentences.
His body curved and pushed further, and his hips pressed hard against me, shooting his load inside my gummy walls. The sensation of his cock and the warmth of his cum just added to my orgasm, and I came hard around his cock.
Suguru slowly pulled out, and I whined at the empty feeling: “I’m not going anywhere, sweets; I just gotta get you cleaned up.” He whispers against the skin of my forehead, placing a kiss on it.
I hum lightly and smile into his warmth. Fatigue was slowly crawling over me, and I wanted to fall asleep in his arms.
In a minute, he quickly went to the bathroom and grabbed a fresh towel, wiping my thigh and sensitive folds. He walked over to the hamper and discarded the towel into the laundry.
“Suguru?” I said, reaching out to him. “Don’t leave me like this.”
He gently smiles, walking over to my bed and crawling under the covers. His arms pulled me closer to his warm body, and he wrapped the huge blanket over our bodies.
I tucked myself under his chin, and he kissed my head before whispering, “I would never.”
“I love you, Suguru.”
“I love you too, (Name).”
That night was the most peaceful rest I had in a long while. The gentle beating of Suguru’s heart and the warmth from his body lulled me into tender sleep, where the stars watched over our resting forms.
(In the Morning, at Airport)
“(Name) don’t go, pleasee.” Satoru says, tightly hugging my body, which was very sore from last night.
Suguru had stayed for breakfast and headed out when he saw Gojo and Shoko’s cars. He left with a kiss that I would remember for lifetimes.
Gojo and Shoko helped me pack all of my clothes and drove me to the airport. Throughout the entire car ride, Satoru was whining about me leaving. It was cute, to be honest. Satoru is my best friend, and I would miss him so much, so I just held his hand, calming him down.
“Satoru, we talked about this in the car. I'm coming back! And I promise to call you when I’m free!” I say this while pushing him off of me.
“It’s not enough! Who is gonna make me rasmalai when you are gone?" He proclaims, grabbing hold of my shoulders. Satoru loved my native cooking; Indian food was his new obsession, and the sweets? God. He was obsessed with Rasmalai and Gajar ka Halwa. And he only used to like it when they were made by my hands.
“Bro, the ones from the store are not as good as yours.”
“I’ll facetime you and teach you to make it, okay?” I sigh, caressing his face and smiling.
I move over to Shoko, who grins brightly when I hug her.
“I’m gonna miss you girly.” She says, pushing my glasses (Gojo’s gifted sunglasses) up my nose playfully.
“Me too, Shoko.” I whisper, kissing her cheek and pulling her in for one last hug.
The overhead speaker buzzed, and the announcer declared, “Flight GS831 is boarding; passengers, please head to the gate.”
I sigh and look at both of my friends for one last time. “I love you guys.”
At the same time, Satoru and Shoko both said, “We love you too.”
I smiled as tears welled up in my eyes and turned around, dragging my suitcase behind me and carrying my backpack.
In these 5 years, I will make a name for myself in England and when I come back, I will convince Suguru to start anew with me. To a new future.
And when I set my mind to something, I was hellbent on getting it fulfilled.
(Year 4 of Study, Oxford, England)
I was heading home after a long day of researching Kerr black holes at the astronomy observatory, and my neck was absolutely killing me. These past three days have been hell on earth. With finals coming and my thesis paper coming to a conclusion, life hasn’t been exactly easy.
I have been getting calls from Satoru, which really helps bring a laugh to my serious lifestyle. Shoko calls every now and then; she has been interested in the process of getting a biology degree to help with her role at Jujutsu Tech. Kento also calls every now and then. He goes on about Gojo’s annoying ass and how he misses my scolding towards him. He kept his promise of being there for me when I needed it and truly helped me ground myself on the most stressful days. and, of course, Suguru. He doesn't call as often as Satoru, but when he does, we go on for hours. He loves listening to my research and the things I find. It reminds both of us of our high school days, when we used to stargaze.
He had called me a couple of days ago, sounding more serious about his “new world.” I didn't say much about it because I knew that he wouldn't listen. But for some reason, the days after that call, were full of unspoken caution–or fear…
I opened the door to my apartment and headed to my study, dropping my backpack off before heading to my room for a hot shower. The winters in Oxford had their bite, and today was no exception. The feeling of the hot water on my body calmed my stressed muscles, and the tension in my head dimmed down. Stepping out, I did my skincare and moisturised my body thoroughly, especially in this winter. I headed to my bed and plopped down on it before opening my drawer and getting my iPad out to read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. I was deep into the book until I felt the buzzing of my phone underneath the blanket. Checking the caller, it was Satoru. He always face-timed, so I was confused as to why it was a normal call.
A feeling of foreign dread washed over me for no reason at all. I didn't even know why he was calling, but I knew it had to be something bad.
Hesitantly, I swiped over the button and picked up the call.
“Hello? Satoru?” I asked quietly.
I heard a sharp breath being taken by him. “Hey sweetcakes. Are you doing alright today?”
Satoru’s voice sounded so tired. It lacked his charm, and he was unusually calm.
"Yeah, I'm doing fine, you?” I ask.
“I want to say that I'm doing okay, but I'm really not.” He says, his voice breaking.
“Hey, hey. What's wrong?”
“It’s Suguru.”
There it was—that dreaded news.
“Wh-what about him, love?”
“H-he.” Satoru took a deep breath before continuing. “He tried taking one of my new students. It ended badly (Name).”
“How bad?” I ask.
“He’s gone (Name). I had to kill him…”
A chill passed over my body, and I froze in shock. My brain shut down, and I couldn't hear Satoru’s voice. His words floated around me, and I couldn't move. Not even a limb. My jaw clenched, and my tears blurred my eyes. A sob left my trembling lips, and Satoru stopped talking. Fat, warm tears dropped down my cheek and onto the screen of my iPad.
“(Name)? Hey.” Satoru said, sounding more concerned. “I'm here, okay, I'm here. I’m not going anywhere.”
I shook off my tears, and I focused on telling Satoru the truth.
“I-I’m okay, ‘Toru. I need to tell you something.”
“Take all the time you need.” He says, assuringly.
I sighed, wiping my tears, and sat up straight to tell him about the night before my flight.
“That night. After the party, he was there.”
"What?" He was taken aback.
“I tried to tell him to go away, but he wouldn't listen. I ended up having sex with him that night. He left the next morning before you two came. He has been calling me for some years, but rarely. I’m so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. ‘Toru, I really am."
There was some silence on the other side.
“Satoru, please. I’m so sorry, I can't explain-" My voice cracked as tears started building up again.
"(Name), I'm not mad. How could I be with my favourite girl? I trust you. I always will. No matter what, okay?” He declares, calming my racing heart down.
I sigh, the pressure dissipating from my body.
“Toru?” I ask.
“Yeah?”
“I love you, you big man child,” I laugh, trying to distract myself from the pain of his death.
Satoru chuckles, understanding my way of distracting myself. “I love you too, sweetcakes.”
I giggle lightly and look towards the window, where a full moon looks at me.
“Hey, tell me about that time travel thing you texted me about.” He questioned.
I get up off the bed and walk over to my window, opening it to let the cold breeze in to cool off my body. I sat down on the long chair in front of it and put the phone on speaker, setting it down on the sill.
“What do you want to know about it?"
“Everything. Tell me everything," Satoru remarks.
“Tu pagal hai.” (You’re crazy) . I laugh, knowing he won't understand what I say. “How are you going to possibly..."
“Hey! Main pagal nahi hoon!” He says, shocking me with his Hindi. (I’m not crazy!)
“...Gojo Satoru… How the hell do you speak Hindi…?”
“I've been learning since you left; I even have a tutor online.”
“Holy shit…what's your CEFR level?"
“A2!” He bragged. “I’m trying to become fluent so we can gossip. I even learned some curse words hehe~.”
“Gojo Satoru. You never fail to surprise me. Although you do have an accent, I’m honestly really proud. But you still have 3 more Indian languages to learn and 5 more other ones before you can brag about how many you speak. And darling, Hindi ain't even my mother tongue.”
He gasps, “I know, but Guju is so hard, I would have started with your mother tongue but shit, it's deadly! I can’t read or write Hindi that well either. I still can’t believe how you speak nine languages! At least I'm trying you chudail (witch) !”
“CHUDAIL? ABE KAMINE, TERI AUKAD ME REH!” I yell, stunned by his words. (Witch? Hey you bastard, stay within your limits!)
Satoru makes his little devil laugh and continues teasing me. That night was calmer with him.
If he hadn't stayed and talked, I would have been destroyed by the news of my beloved’s death.
But I knew that when I returned home, I would have to come to his resting place. I knew that I would have to say goodbye. But it didn't mean that I would have to do it alone.
(Post PhD. Back Home, at Suguru Geto’s grave)
Satoru and I stood in front of Suguru’s grave, holding each other close. I had made it home and ended up staying at his condo because I dropped the lease on my apartment. We both needed each other, so we thought it was a smart decision to stay close.
I looked at the name on his stone and the epitaph below it. It read, “Astra inclinant, sed non obligant.” Latin for: “The stars incline us; they do not bind us.” I remember when I told him that. It was the first time we went meteor gazing for the Perseids shower. He liked that quote so much that he had it tattooed on his collarbone.
The warmth in my ears increased, and tears fell from my eyes. Satoru took note of this and pulled me closer to him by my waist.
Satoru kissed my temple and murmured into my ear, “I’ll be in the car. Take as much time as you need.”
I nodded stiffly, and he walked away, leaving me alone with Suguru.
All the memories of him and me came flashing before my eyes, and I fell to my knees, clutching my heart that belonged to him. The heart that he claimed.
“Suguru." I whispered to him, the wind carrying his name.
“How could you leave me like this?”
End Notes:
ehehe ehehehe~
i just love the idea of gojo's dumbass speaking hindi, i bet he learned all the curse words and says them to random ppl 💀
okay bye madarchods, love you guys 🤍🩵
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i’m absolutely procrastinating everything at this point, so why not?
to start off: thank you @ava-du-mortain, @pearlsandsteel, @mepheesto and @agentfreckles for tagging me! i feel perceived in this chili’s tonight. 😌
tagging: @agentnatesewell, @callmeroo, @lyuyu, @vienocalledmebuddy, @morsendeavor, @moociferdoomcifer, @s-ewell, @dreamingambereyes, @queerbrujas, @night-triumphantt, @writinghereandthere
rules: answer 30 questions and tag blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.
name/nickname: well, let’s stick to my nickname - Sanj
gender: female (pronouns: she/her)
star sign: Leo sun, Sagittarius moon and Capricorn ascendant (whatever all that’s supposed to mean)
height: a little over 164 cm? so that’s around 5’5
time: 2.43 a.m. IST (i have updated this thrice now 🙂)
birthday: 26th July
favourite bands: Queen, The Local Train, Euphoria, Green Day. and i very unironically jam tf out of ABBA. i would also say P!ATD (I KNOW) as an honorary mention.
favourite solo artists: omg, so many to name. off the top of my head: Hozier, David Bowie, Childish Gambino, H.E.R., Harry Styles, Nat King Cole, Nina Simone, among - well - some of the non-desi artists. among desi artists, i love just about anything from A. R. Rahman, R. D. Burman, S. D. Burman, Hridaynath Mangeshkar, and Bombay Jayashri, and anything sang by Geeta Dutt, Farida Khanum, Hemant Kumar, Manna Dey, Kishore Kumar, Mohammed Rafi, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, Rekha Bhardwaj - to name a few. :’3
song stuck in my head: for some odd reason, Little Black Curly Hair??? yeah, that Phoebe Buffay one.
last movie: oh god, it’s been a while. i did watch Home Alone sometime around Christmas, iirc.
last show: i’m currently catching up on This Is Us and crying, so...
when did you create this blog? this is a sideblog, obviously. i must’ve created this one in July last year. i’ve had my main for at least 7 years now.
what do i post? here, it’s mostly about TWC or other IFs that i play. and also choices if i’m up to it, these days. and a shit-ton of miscellaneous stuff.
last thing i googled: height unit conversions, lol.
do i get asks? eh, a fair amount. not very often. (AND I AM GETTING BACK TO YOU GUYS, PROMISE)
why i chose my url: i was just having one of those days where i give exactly 0.254 thought to naming things and i was simping real hard over a certain Nate Sewell, and things seem to just add up somehow???
average hours of sleep: well, i am - in my most uncertain-sounding tone - saying 5 hours. give or take.
lucky number: i think it’s 4? or 8.
instruments: i play the violin; trained a little (around 5 years) for Indian Classical music. i manage to play very little guitar too.
what i’m wearing: a set of very soft, cotton pajamas. a night suit, if you will.
dream job: it’s really quite all over the place, really. i know i want to be a mental health professional (the qualifications for which i have now, finally). maybe a little something in professional baking? but really, i just want to do something that i never truly tire of.
dream trip: oh man, i want to tour around in my own country because there’s so much left to see! and then maybe a tour around all the cultural and historical hotspots in Europe.
last book i read: well, i reread A Slight Trick of the Mind by Mitch Cullin because i was In A Mood.
favourite food: my most favourite thing to eat is buttered popcorn. i can have a shameful amount of it and still have space for more. other than that, i’d take a simple, rice + tomato saru meal anyday.
nationality: Indian
favourite song: I Want to Break Free by Queen
top three fictional universes: idek, my dude. :’3
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