#So yea anyway call this my desperate attempt to maybe possibly heal a teensy bit from a decade old wound | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

anzfaulkner · 8 months ago

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Ok yk what I think I need to run a poll I need to know what the pipeline is for ppl who like went to public school or didn’t have many friends or smth & basically had zero exposure to what is & isn’t socially acceptable until eventually branching out social circles and learning more

SO HERE IS THE QUESTION maybe this is actually a natural human experience maybe im just fucking autistic idfk. All I know is I’m still incredibly fucked up from smth that happened a decade ago and I’ve never bothered asking if anyone else has gone thru smth like it

#fyi this goes for ANY inappropriate thing. like it does not just have to be like interrupting ppl or smth #in fact this is ESPECIALLY asking toward ppl who have said things like slurs and very harmful things w/o knowing/understanding the weight—#—those words carry. THATS what im looking for because I NEVER see it talked about #like. whenever I see this discussed the conversation just ends at ‘everyone knows they’re bad’ but CLEARLY not everyone #I need to know how other people cope with the guilt of saying fucked up things and not knowing until the damage had been done #because SURELY I��m not the only one who went through this #SURELY I’m not the only one who struggles with believing I deserve any sort of kindness #Surely I’m not the only one who developed severe morality related obsessions and compulsions over this right???????????#So yea anyway call this my desperate attempt to maybe possibly heal a teensy bit from a decade old wound #Bc it took this long apparently for me to realize I still struggle with the guilt & feel like a fraud knowing the ppl who care for me now #don’t know about my past behaviour and I’m deceiving them each time I laugh with them and smile with them #There has to be SOMEONE out there that understands right #anyway if this ends in ppl confirming that I do in fact not deserve love for this past behaviour like my thoughts tell me then idfk man lol #can’t live with that whatever anyway #personal

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