#So this is with respect to the most critical reading you could take of Rebecca

[nreads]

Honestly if anyone -especially Rebecca- told my more cynical detective that A and her seemed similar to Rebecca and Rook, because of the similarities between Rebecca and A, she'd laugh in their face. For many, many reasons, it's different, but most of all - Rebecca and A put distance between the detective and themselves in two very different ways.

Rebecca says she cares, but hardly ever shows it. Whereas A says they don't care, but they always, always show it.

The detective knows which one she prefers.

[rosequart]

i compiled a bunch of direct quotes about pink diamond/rose quartz from the newest artbook, end of an era. some of these quotes are taken from charts and scribbled notes, so the sentence structure might be weird.

let me know if there are any typos/missing information you think i could add!

quotes from rebecca sugar: on pink diamond/rose quartz

Pink Diamond is so sure that she’s powerless, but she’s actually profoundly powerful, so much so that she devastates people’s lives without understanding it because she thinks that she has no real power or sway.

The thing that she really lacks is balance, any ability to temper her extremes. This is part of her character throughout her forms: she’s always very extreme. 

Pink fits into those older tropes, too: the restless princess, the little Winsor McCay clown.

Pink is pure want. Impulse, desire—she’s infectious. She is the flip side of White; she can bring out a Gem’s hidden personality—their deepest wants. This isn’t necessarily a Diamond power (she has a handful of Diamond powers both destructive and constructive), but she has this power in a very human sense. She is an enabler and very manipulative when it comes to getting what she wants, so when what she wants is to get closer to someone, her intensity, and her sincerity, opens them up and draws them in.

White and Pink were always clashing. The Diamond body repressed Pink’s wants, as directed by White, the self-critical conscience. Pink’s shield made it impossible for White to override Pink’s identity, so she had to find other ways to repress her.

Episodes like Bismuth make much more sense when you know that Rose is Pink, and even more sense when you understand how poorly Pink treated friends who became inconvenient.

Rose is tracked carefully through the entire show. She makes sense once you know she is her own worst enemy. She dreams, achingly, that she could become compassionate, because she’s sure she’s incapable of compassion. Her lack of respect for herself makes it impossible for her to respect everyone closest to her. She reveres them instead, because they are better than she could ever be, and that reverence is so honest and intoxicating that it draws everyone closer to her, without them understanding the deep self-hatred that pull is coming from.

She couldn’t stand herself; self-destruction is a huge theme throughout the show—the struggle of the feeling that you shouldn’t exist, and what that can do to a person. A lot of the themes of the show exist within Rose, like her inability to be honest with other people or herself about what she’s done. She’s so deeply ashamed of herself and her past, with very good reason. The truth is that the people in her life would be so much more understanding than she believes they will be. The contempt that she has for herself gets turned outward as contempt for other people when she can’t trust them. When she can’t trust herself, she can’t trust other people, and it makes it impossible for her to be close with anyone. It makes life extremely difficult for her. It makes living difficult for her.

Rose wants [honesty and trust and being able to grow and change] so badly, but she can’t really accomplish any of that until she accepts herself—and she never does.

quotes from rebecca sugar: on rose and greg

Rose and Greg have a very specific relationship. They parallel each other: Greg left his unsupportive family to follow his dreams. He changes his name and begins living as his stage persona...He invents himself.

Rose is instantly interested in Greg; he’s so human, sweet and funny and pliable. But as they get a little deeper into their relationship, Greg starts to realize how alien she actually is. She objectifies him, she laughs at him...she can’t seem to relate to him or pick up on how he’s feeling. They have a physical relationship, but they’ve never had a meaningful conversation. He starts to feel used. So he challenges her in a way she’s never been challenged before: he asks her to treat him like an equal. This is huge for her. She’s always been less than the other Diamonds and more than everyone else. She opens up to him in a real way, and over time she’s ready to confess everything to him. But he understands what it is to run away from home and reinvent yourself. He doesn’t need her old name and he’s not going to drag her through whatever it was she ran from; as far as he’s concerned, her old self isn’t the real her anyway. The real her is her in the present, the person she decided to be. [...] This is an incredible relief for her! With him, she can live authentically in the moment...They both can, but on the flip side, they enable each other. She never unpacks what scares her about her past, and neither does he.

They really wanted to have a child [...] It’s something they are genuinely excited about. And that’s something that’s left a little open-ended—just how selfish it was for Rose to do this knowing that she would disappear. What Rose is doing is outrageously selfless and outrageously selfish at the same time, and you can really read it both ways and neither is untrue.

chart notes: on pink diamond/rose quartz

Pink learns to keep secrets. She tells her new Pearl to keep them too. (She puts on an act. Behaves better.) She doesn’t trust herself...keeps asking her Pearl what to do...

The Game: Rose plays Batman on the ground. (Pearl is Robin and Alfred.) Pink tries to use Rose as an excuse to call off the invasion. This backfires when Blue and Yellow send in reinforcements.

Rose finds herself the head of a family. Determined to be everything White was not—she is close with everyone, flexible in everything. Love & fun are the rule—and there are no rules—and everyone is the most special!

chart notes: on rose and the crystal gems

Pink keeps asking Pearl what she thinks. Pearl understands she should have no opinions, and should follow orders. She is caught in a paradox. Her head swims. She laughs—feels scared—what is this?

Pearl is falling in love. Pink, as Rose, is intoxicating. She’s free somehow. They both are, when they’re on Earth.

Rose falls in love with Pearl’s surprising boldness that comes out of left field—!

Pearl and Rose start fusing a lot.

Pearl and Rose—the dust clears, revealing an endless honeymoon. Pink is gone and Pearl is free—free to love Rose.

Garnet trusts Rose, respects her secrets. She sees in Rose a self-made gem, a quartz that transcended her station out of sheer will and the power of self-love. Garnet loves Rose and her mystery, the way she learns to love & embrace the mystery of herself. Rose is her rock and inspiration.

Rose teaches Amethyst: you can be anything you want to be! Huge advocate of shapeshifting, self-expression, anarchy—however, Amethyst can sense shame from Rose and Pearl over the Kindergarten.

chart notes: on rose and the crystal gems, post-pink diamond reveal

Amethyst finally understands Rose: wanting her to shapeshift, not feel obligated to be a quartz, suddenly feels sympathy...kinship. It wasn’t Amethyst being inspired by Rose—Rose was inspired by them!

Garnet shocked: Rose taught her to love herself. If that was a lie—if Pink Diamond was self-hating, and wanted to disappear—than what does that mean for Garnet? No—it wasn’t Garnet being inspired by Rose—Rose was inspired by them!

Pearl is finally released—but, a rift—! Garnet feels betrayed! But, Pink did change! Pink did grow! Rose was different! That’s why Pearl was inspired by Rose—or, wait—Rose was inspired by them!

chart notes: on pink and the other diamonds

Pink, the littlest diamond, is largely ignored by Yellow, Blue, and White. Her silly impulses and eccentricities are not particularly helpful to the other diamonds in their endeavors. No one wants to play with her. Pink desperately wants White’s attention and approval (she will never get it).

Pink’s [original] Pearl is the only one who sees how much this upsets Pink. Pink is bright in front of Yellow, Blue, White—but when they don’t have time for her, she privately takes it hard.

Noticing Pink’s behavior, Yellow and Blue think she should have her own colony. White insists—she hasn’t really changed. She’ll never change. She gives Pink a colony—if only to prove Pink will fail.

White knows Pink is out there. This expensive, embarrassing tantrum is not worth her attention. Pink will come groveling back when she’s done running away from home.

Yellow and Blue are relieved to have Pink back—but White is vindicated. I knew you’d be back, your silly game is over—get back in place.

Steven gets Yellow and Blue to understand who he is now. But White won’t have it [...] In an ultimate act of self love, Steven fuses with himself, as White realizes—she can be wrong, and she’s truly lost her ‘daughter’.

[love-takes-work]

When someone toxic needs a friend

I just wanna add a little personal reflection to the discussion of Spinel’s treatment in Steven Universe: The Movie.

A few signposts so you know where I’m starting with this:

A criticism I’ve seen: 

Steven was not particularly warm to Spinel. He did not hug her. He did not offer to be her friend. He spoke carelessly and triggered her toward becoming murderous again. He only cared about what she could do for him.

A perspective I’ve seen: 

LOTS of people with borderline personality disorder or strong feelings about abandonment personally relate to Spinel and are critical of Steven from this perspective.

Rebecca Sugar’s commentary on Spinel:

The thing about Spinel is that she’s a really toxic person. 

She’s so toxic that she’s literally trying to poison people. 

In my interactions with friends who have had a history difficult enough to make it hard for them to trust other people and sometimes even actively want to hurt others, it’s just a very difficult situation to navigate. In the case of Spinel and all of these characters, that’s extremely exaggerated because cartoons have the ability to be extreme exaggerations. I wanted to explore what it’s like when you’re trying to help someone who really doesn’t want to help themselves, who wants to embody the negative feelings that they have about themselves. I think that’s something really real. I hadn’t seen that in a cartoon before. 

Spinel, unlike many other characters, actually has the goal of hurting people, which is new territory for the show. She really wants to hurt Steven, and there’s a reason that she does—because she’s in so much pain. I just wanted to explore all the dimensions of that.

I also think Steven has his way of trying to handle and dissolve conflict. It’s not necessarily a good way for him to handle this situation. It really leaves him in a difficult state, and I think what I wanted to show in the way that they interact is that at a certain point, when you can’t help someone, you have to be able to protect yourself. 

Ultimately, he can’t really convince her to change. It’s something she’ll have to want for herself. But what he can do is protect himself from her, making it impossible for her to hurt him. 

It’s sort of up to you if you would like to love her. If you watch this movie and she, you know, frustrates you, that is totally fair. I want that to be a big part of who she is.

[From the AV Club interview]

So here are a few things I want to shed light on.

It’s very interesting that Rebecca intended Spinel to be read as “a toxic person” because so many fans fell in love with her, said they’d be her friend, hated intensely on Pink Diamond because of what she did to abandon the poor Gem, and sympathized with her directly. But Rebecca was looking at Spinel from Steven’s perspective. And that’s also what I did.

I’ve been Steven. I have VERY much been Steven.

When you meet someone who was done dirty, when you recognize the horror they’ve been through, when you see how much pain they are in and agree they have the right to be angry, it’s natural for empathetic people to offer themselves as comfort.

But when you’re Steven, you also know it isn’t YOUR fault either. Before you have the ability and experience to set boundaries, you can get sucked into other people’s stormy waters and think you’re helping if you drown in solidarity with them. What’s really important to preserving yourself is learning that you can stand on the boat and toss a life preserver. That it doesn’t ACTUALLY HELP to jump in the water and sink with them.

Some folks are angry that Steven didn’t jump right into sacrifice himself on the altar of friendship in the service of an intense, literally murderous stranger who tried to poison him and his planet and lash out at his friends, robbing them of their rich pasts and their relationships because all of it hurt HER so much. It is SO easy to understand WHY SPINEL WAS ANGRY. But nothing she was doing to Steven, his friends, or the Earth was going to fix her problems, and furthermore, she FULLY UNDERSTOOD that it was NOT THE FAULT of any of the people she took her anger out on. It was irrational, yes, and that is part of her dysfunction. But also, in these situations, what helps explain it still does not excuse it.

Some have railed at Steven saying he somehow forgave genocidal tyrants like the Diamonds but couldn’t be friends with a damaged Gem like Spinel who just wanted friendship. The big difference there is that Steven got involved with the Diamonds when both parties believed he was a different person. The Diamonds believed he was the lost Pink Diamond, and Steven has also spent much of his superhero life believing he WAS his mother and was therefore obligated to accept punishment for her crimes or to clean up the messes she made. Now that he knows he is not her and that she did some pretty horrible stuff, he also wants the right to stop feeling responsible for every person Pink hurt in the entire region of space.

Steven gave Spinel basically compassionate treatment. He did not abuse her. He did not insult her. He occasionally coddled her when it seemed important (and though some said he was too businesslike while he pursued his mission, he was literally looking at the world ending within two days if he didn’t solve the problem). And most importantly . . . .

He let her leave the garden.

Spinel stayed in the garden all those millennia because Pink Diamond told her they were playing a game. All that time, she had visions of Pink returning so she could see her smile, hear her laughter. We see a sequence where she tried to follow Pink out of the garden and Pink manipulated her into staying willingly. We watch those feet leaving and one pair of feet staying behind. We see Pink disappear.

When Steven goes to leave the garden, Spinel follows in the same manner. Some have criticized him for letting go of her hands.

But he invited her out of the garden. He didn’t say stay. He said come with me.

As he sang about her deserving someone better, he was sincere. But he did not say the person to make her feel found should be him. He did not want to take on another person with thousands of years of baggage who would require a specific brand of attention and so much tenderness to avoid snapping. He did not allow her to be held by the hand and led out. He recognized that she needed encouragement to leave this place because of what was done to her, but he wanted her to take the steps.

Compassionate people are crushed all the time under the weight of needy people who make it hurt to love. People like Steven can acknowledge that Spinel deserves love and deserves to be happy without accepting that it’s heartless to stop short of personally doing it. Especially when you literally have to take physical, mental, and emotional damage as a general consequence of offering support and counseling. It is sometimes just beyond what you can do.

I made the mistake several times of getting very close to someone who treated me poorly while taking comfort in my presence. I cared that they were hurt and I didn’t know how to say “You deserve love” without stepping in and loving them. In EVERY case I was involved with, the person went from initially grateful to “why don’t you help me more?” shockingly quickly, and two of them deliberately tried to create situations where I would be trapped with them and isolated from others. 

I could get very personal here but I don’t think I need to. Those of us who relate all too well to Steven wanting to help others will have been in this situation. Your heart hurts for people who live with pain that has never touched you, but when they’ve made it clear with one of their first actions that they feel satisfied at the idea of ruining your life, trusting them could mean the end of you. Especially if they demand that you risk life and limb to fix and save them before you’d dare to call it love, and especially if they want to be fixed without feeling responsible for initiating any of it. Some people mistake suffering for working hard toward a goal. Both can hurt but only one is constructive. If I’m expected to spend extensive resources on someone, I need some partnership in the goal, and I can’t accomplish that with someone whose wish for companionship manifests as “I want you to feel as bad as I do, and will take steps to hurt you so I have someone to cry with.”

Steven risked his actual life while he didn’t have powers so he could go talk to Spinel, and he wouldn’t fight her when she wanted to fight. He protected himself while she spent her anger. He STILL put himself in the line of fire far more than a less compassionate person would. He took time and tenderness to listen to her story and sympathize with her, tell her she deserved better, bear witness to what she’d become after being treated like a discarded plaything, and bring her hope with promises of a new future and a way to feel found.

Sadly, Spinel flipped back to being murderous at the first sign that Steven might be about to prioritize someone other than her, reframing his reasonable needs as if he was planning to abandon her, isolate her, discard her. This was a trauma reaction, yes, and she isn’t entirely to blame for being upset because she was worried she was just being used and none of her actions were logically thought through. 

But does someone ever “deserve” the friendship of a specific person who can’t feel warm toward them because of their OWN bad experiences? 

No! 

Steven has a big heart but he has his very own huge storehouse of trauma, and being physically attacked with his family and planet put in danger over the actions of his mother is at the top of the list. Instead of assuming that the person who has trauma the loudest is the most hurt, can’t we just acknowledge that Spinel’s and Steven’s respective traumas make them NOT the best match for friendship?

The ending of the movie, with Spinel going off with the Diamonds, might seem a little disturbing with all the codepencency floating around there, but if you want to talk about compassion, I think this is a good place for Spinel to start. 

She just wanted to make Pink Diamond laugh and enjoy her life. She longed to do that for so long and then it all ended when she found out she would NEVER GET TO DO IT. I think bonding with the other Diamonds and having a familiar, safe place to experience the kind of love she’s used to will be a good FOUNDATION for building herself into a person beyond that. For now, she needs comfort. I hope they treat her well.

[deardracule]

𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒

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[re-diesirae]

12. Claire

She had never felt so happy to wake up with the sunlight hitting at her face the way it did that morning. They didn't dare to leave the storage house until the first rays of light hadn't come out from the horizon. In part, because they had wanted a little more rest and in part because they didn't want to risk the chance of meeting another of those horrible creatures.

With the light, they could finally see what was inside the storage room, and after checking the contents of the boxes, they had come across some supplies that included more weapons, ammo, a first aid kit, and flashlights. The weaponry was quite old, and Claire knew they probably weren't as fancy as the ones Leon usually used, but it was better than nothing. They also found some cans of food and water that weren't yet due in the boxes. It wasn't a fancy meal, but the canned fruits provided the needed carbohydrates that their bodies required for energy. Claire had instantly felt a little more energetic after the small and humble meal, and she had to admit that compared to other times, she appreciated the locals for storing the food in that place. She would have thanked them if they hadn't turned into parasite controlled zombies, of course.

With their new gear, stock, and a full stomach, the duo had started their walk to the mysterious manor. So far, the way had been calm: only interrupted by a couple of the unfriendly locals that they defeated without problems.

Claire noticed that the closer they got to the manor, the quieter the forest became. Somehow that made her uncomfortable. The lack of sound was antinatural, and maybe it was her paranoia, but she felt observed, and she was half expecting another sudden monster to jump over them. She could tell Leon's thoughts weren't too far from her own as the man moved stealthily and alert at all times.

Nobody would think that, some years ago, this same man was a scared rookie cop trying to survive a city filled with zombies.

The thought of how much he had grown and become better drew a smile on Claire's face.

Just what are you feeling so proud about when this is all a mess?

She often felt proud of others, even if it wasn't something she was supposed to do. She was proud of her brother. Like hell, how wouldn't she? The man had saved many lives in the last few years. She was also proud of Moira; the girl had gotten over her fear of guns and trained under her father's eye. She was also proud of Natalia. She had a normal life now, making it through all the horrors of her past. Claire was very proud of Sherry. She had heard from Chris that the girl had become an agent like Leon, and even though Claire would have wished for the girl to live a quiet life, she respected her decision. Of course, she was proud of Leon's successful career as an agent.

"There it is." Leon's voice broke into her thoughts, and Claire stopped dryly, staring at the manor ahead, "It certainly gives me bad vibes..."

An unpleasant flashback ran through her head as she remembered the Ashford's Residence, but as she watched the house more carefully, she realized that the place was different. This house looked older, and the gray walls, covered by ivy and moss. More than a manor, it looked more like a castle. A quick scan around convinced them that there was no one around the area.

"Guess our friends from Neo-Umbrella didn't wait for us..." Leon whispered.

"Well, knowing their sense of hospitality, they probably left some of their pets behind to receive us, though."

"Most likely. That sounds like something terrorists would do," Leon sighed, "We'll have to take a look and find out. I think the thing jamming the sign of my phone is in there. If we can deactivate it, I can contact Hunnigan, and maybe, we can figure out something about what they were doing in here."

"All right, let's take a look. What could go wrong, right?"

A lot of things. The annoying little voice in her head muttered.

The duo made their way to the house with extreme caution. The place seemed deserted. The only evidence of people ever being in there was the mess inside: furniture was turned over or broken, papers scattered all over the floor along with other decor accessories. Claire found bloodstains in some of the walls, and she shuddered. Maybe their "friends" hadn't left after all, but something had gotten them before they arrived.

"Now, this looks ominous. Why are there so many papers in here?"

"They seem like medical records, but the papers are too dirty to read them," she said, picking some of the scattered sheets. The pages looked blurred with humidity, and some had red stains that covered half of the text.

"Knowing these guys, there's probably an electronic record somewhere. We need to find a computer." Leon replied, looking around the rooms with his gun raised, "There are signs of struggle. I guess they didn't leave on good terms…"

That if they had made it out alive.

"There's too much blood. Do you think one of their pets went through havoc?"

"Most likely, maybe it was the one that attacked us last night."

Claire picked a folder that was over a table. The yellowish surface had dried stains of blood, but she ignored it and flipped through its contents. Her face tensed as her eyes traveled over the printed letters.

"They were making a new virus, " she said with anger, "These people don't ever learn that you shouldn't mess up with nature."

"Any idea of what sort of virus that is?"

"No...this seems more like genetic blueprints," Claire replied, "RNA virus sequences and possible recombinations with other viral agents. I'm taking these. it might be useful later. I can look into it when we get back to TerraSave.."

"Didn't know you had a liking for this sort of mad scientist stuff. Didn't picture you like a science girl..."

"You know, I did finish college before I joined TerraSave," Claire laughed.

"So I heard, but I never asked what you majored in, now that I think about it."

"Oh, so you didn't check my background?" Claire replied, surprised.

"I don't do that with friends. It's easier to ask, so what did you major in?"

"Biology and life sciences. Did a specialization in virology after joining TerraSave," she replied, checking another pile of folders, "I never thought I'd get so much into viruses. You would be amazed by how many outbreaks TerraSave attends, and for worse or better, not all of them involve zombies. Going into virology sounded reasonable, logical, and useful. "

Claire's crescent interest in viruses had to lead to her choosing a virology specialization. She had thought that it would come in handy while working in TerraSave. The organization was founded as a countermeasure to terrorist attacks. However, as time went by, TerraSave began attending other cases, including viral outbreaks in affected zones and as they worked with WHO. As an active agent at the time, Claire had participated in many operatives. That made her interested in the subject. After thirteen years of working in the organization, Claire was a pretty respectable professional. She wasn't as prodigy as Saya or Rebecca, but her observations and criticisms were valuable, and she had permission to work on her own projects.

"Never pictured you like a bookworm, but it seems I was mistaken."

"Another con on my side, I guess. Relationship wise..."

"I doubt it. Nothing wrong with a smart woman. I find it much more appealing. So, does your scientific vision give you a lead to what we have here?"

"Unfortunately, nothing clear. There's a lot of things you can do with genomes and some genetic engineering. I am not a biosynthetic engineer, but this looks like design proposals? We have someone in HQ who could see through it or maybe in B.S.A.A. I want to look at the digital records; if we are lucky, there might be something left in there. What about your signal jam?"

"I think I might have found the cause. Up there in the tower, there seems to be an antenna of some 's a good lead..."

"Guess we found our next stop. Let's go. I've got the feeling that I don't want to be around when the night falls."

"Always trust a female's sixth sense."

Claire followed Leon through the house. The absence of hostiles was welcome, but at the same time made her wonder what could have happened to them. They found more papers on their way, but nothing that could give them a clue of what had taken place in that place. After a while, they finally arrived at the tower.

The room seemed to be the security command center as there were several screens and computers. Leon got himself busy as he started to work on the antenna right away. Without much else to do, Claire decided to take a look at the server and see if she could get her hands on any interesting data while Leon tried to fix his communication line.

Well, let's see what you kept in here.

Claire began typing. She wasn't a techie like Wallace, so her skills as a hacker were terrible, but to her surprise, the security around the server was much laxer than she would have imagined. Or maybe she was too used to her overestimated security system in TerraSave.

Sadly, the computers had no access to the research datalog. However, it gave Claire information about the facility, and just as expected, there was a large underground structure underneath the mansion; the security system provided a clean 3D blueprint of the facility, showing research rooms, animal essays rooms, and laboratories. Everything pinpointed on the screen.

What the hell were they researching here?

Claire checked the security protocols, which seemed typical procedures designed for facilities handling potentially pandemic agents. She was familiar to them as a few years before she had adapted to those same protocols to propose an effective plan of contention in case of bioterrorist attacks. There was nothing that could be useful to find out what she wanted, but she did find something that caught her attention.

Damn, if only Wallace were here. He could probably hack into the central system and get me that information.

"I think I got it." Leon's voice made her look away from the screen, "I have the signal back. I'll try to contact Hunningan."

"That's great news…!"

"What about you? Did you find anything?"

"No, and yes. I managed to hack into the security system, but the servers aren't linked, so I have no access to research data from here. I did get a nice blueprint of the facility, though. Just look at this, the main research area is right underneath us, which is not surprising at all. I also checked the security protocols, and from that, I can say they were doing in vivo essays. I found something alarming and unexpected."

"How come?"

"They have a viral repository here. It is curious because, with the T-virus, C-virus, and all those new strains that Umbrella had been spreading, most bioterrorists had dropped the use of traditional pathogenic weapons."

"By traditional you mean…?"

"Regular viral agents: influenza, Nipah Virus, chickenpox, ebola… Ring a bell? They have a bacteria stock, too. Anthrax, Tuberculosis, MRSA," she said, scrolling down the screen, " Basically Level 3 and 4 pathogens. Just what the hell were they doing here?"

" If you don't know, neither do I. Can you get the information from here?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I am a virologist, not a hacker. The information should have a back up in the central server, but I am not skilled enough to break through their encryption to get it. We would need a vicious hacker for that, and the only one I know is somewhere in Hughesville."

"So, in other words, if we want that data, we'll need to go down there."

"Very sharp, Kennedy."

"Well, I guess we should bring some company down there," Leon commented, pulling his mobile to his ear. "Hunnigan… I need a favor."

NOTE: if you guys want to come and chat about the fic, or just about CLEON in general. Feel free to drop by the discord and say hi! JOIN SERVER

[lia-jones]

Growing Together - Chapter Nineteen - Hamsa

CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains a suicide letter, mentions violence, drug abuse, and rape. I tried to keep it light, but if you are easily triggered by such subjects, avoid the parts in italic.

Let no sadness come to their hearts

Let no trouble come to their arms

Let no conflict come to their eyes

Let their souls be filled with the blessing of joy and peace.

Hamsa Prayer (adapted by the author)

Victor sat in his study, staring at the three folders on his desk.

The covers were bare and unidentified so any potentially prying eyes wouldn’t guess their importance, but Victor had gone through them so many times that he could name all three without even opening them, knowing them just by the dents and folds on the cardboard cover. Needless to say, he could just as well set them on fire, he knew their contents by heart.

The first folder on the left contained intelligence regarding his long-time adversary, Lucien Xu. It contained detailed information cataloging his whereabouts and activities before and after the Blackout. Lucien Xu, AKA Ares, like all evolvers, had lost his powers and been given no choice but to live the life of a mere human, appearing to have abandoned the ambitions he had as an important member of Black Swan’s council.

Victor never knew exactly what had happened to Black Swan, as his memories of that time were hazy at best. He was able to recall some pivotal moments, like him being the one that caused the Blackout, or rescuing Mia from the Queen, but not much else. However, from what he did remember, he knew that he had been involved in some violent physical altercations. Consequently, it was easy to assume that a head injury or something similar was making it hard for him to retrieve all the data and connect the dots.

He had looked everywhere for the other members of BS, but only found a few, also leading normal lives far away. The rest of them were mysteriously gone, probably in hiding. Unfortunately, there was no new information that could help him piece together what had really happened. But most importantly, there was no logical answer as to why Lucien had decided to show his face presently or why he had taken such an interest in his wife.

It wasn’t unreasonable to assume that revenge was all Lucien was after, and Andrea was an easy target, given the role she played in Victor’s life. But Lucien wasn’t a careless fool; he wouldn’t risk his life because of a vendetta, especially now that he didn’t have his Evol to protect him. There had to be something else that Victor didn’t know, or worse, something he couldn’t remember. It was imperative that he discovered what it was. Maybe he would have to play some trump cards he would rather keep up his sleeve, but his wife’s safety was at stake. For her, he would stop at nothing.

The second folder’s cover was badly mistreated, due to the many times Victor had gripped it in anger. It concerned a man he hated with all his heart: Daniel, Andrea’s abusive ex-boyfriend. Besides some information about the shady operations the spineless piece of scum conducted---embezzlement and a few indiscretions of a sexual nature---the pages described extensively and thoroughly the progress of his current case in court, including the accusation and defense strategies and the evidence both sides possessed to corroborate it.

Daniel’s legal team had tried to extradite him to Portugal, knowing the bureaucracy that the country’s judicial system entailed would delay the reading of a sentence for years, providing him with plenty of time to either try to retaliate again or simply take all the money he had stolen and disappear. Naturally, Victor would never allow for either to happen, so after a few phone calls and the intervention of the CEO’s own legal team, Daniel’s request for extradition was denied. All that he had to do now was to ensure Daniel would get the heavy sentence he deserved. He would make sure the man who threatened his wife would spend the rest of his life behind bars, where he couldn’t hurt Andrea or anyone else, for that matter.

His wife knew nothing about his interference in Daniel’s trial, and it was critical that she remained ignorant of his actions. Despite understanding firsthand the gravity of the situation, she would never condone Victor using his influence to their own benefit, disregarding someone else’s rights, even if they were the ones of the man that had taken so much from her. Although Victor could understand the sentiment and usually despised such acts of nepotism, in this particular case he felt he was being quite benevolent: for someone who had hurt the woman he loved above any other, and had the audacity of trying to hurt her yet again, Daniel was lucky to see his life spared.

The third file was the most recent one, and the one that worried Victor the most at the moment. It was a background check on Pamela Cole, Owen’s biological grandmother. Victor had to admit, the woman was smart, she had played her cards right. Anyone who had ever read a magazine article about Andrea could see she was highly praised for not only her insightful mind, but also her kind heart, which made her a formidable woman, and also an easy target. Obviously, when the old woman humbly entered Andrea’s office telling stories of regret and hopes of forgiveness and reconnection, his wife’s heart softened. Victor, however, knew better.

It was obvious this woman wasn't concerned about her grandson, or else she would’ve looked for him sooner. Victor also didn’t believe her story of trying to turn her life around, he knew first hand that rarely ever happens. A mother who allows her own child to get molested by strangers isn’t the kind that changes or sees error’s in her ways. And judging by her clean criminal sheet, it wasn’t like she had acted out of suffering or despair. She had been careful; she didn’t want to get caught. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time someone had tried to tug at Victor’s heartstrings for his money. As soon as she got her hands on Owen, she would manipulate him, surreptitiously extorting money from Victor through his son. And that he would not allow.

No matter what Andrea said, that woman would never see Owen. Should she try to obtain visiting rights judicially, he was prepared. Even if her records were clean and he had no way to prove she was a bad influence on his child, he had one thing he could use. He opened Pamela’s folder, retrieving from it an old envelope. This piece of paper contained Owen’s inheritance, the very last proof of his mother’s love, her suicide note. This was his only weapon against that woman, where the girl clearly stated she didn’t want her mother to raise Owen. Victor couldn’t stop his hands from shaking as he unfolded the old notepad sheet, stained with tears. What he read there was cruel and hurtful, but it was also a testimony of Owen’s mother’s love for her son.

My name is Rebecca Cole, and I’m 21 years old. The little boy that you’ll find next to me is my son, Owen. He’ll probably be scared. He loves chocolate milk, so give him some, maybe he’ll calm down a bit.

I never amounted to much, although I did try. My life is full of bad choices and evil people, except for the one that helped me conceive this little boy. I don’t want to name him, he doesn’t even know Owen exists, and that’s for the better. He’s in medical school now, he must be able to move on with his life without paying the price for my poor life decisions.

As you may have already noticed, I don’t have much to leave to my child. In fact, I own nothing that you see. Everything belongs to Stan, he’s buried in the back. I’m sorry, I had to do it. I couldn’t let him hurt anyone else.

There is no will, and no inheritance, just a story. A story that will maybe help you understand why I did what I did, why I left a sweet child behind. His heritage is ugly and troubled. But it is my story, and I want him to understand that I didn’t leave him. When I do what I’m planning to do, I have his best interest in my heart. Mommy loves you, Owen. That will never change. I promise I will always take care of you, even from Heaven, if it will have me.

I was born in the back of a rusty Honda my mom bought to escape her own mother. You see, my grandparents were religious and ashamed that their daughter was pregnant out of wedlock. They forced her to give me away, so she ran away with 20 dollars in her pocket, a duffel bag full of clothes, and the old car she bought with her meager life savings. After she heard my first cry she cut my umbilical cord with a pocket knife, wrapped me in an old sweater, and drove away in the rusty and bloody Honda.

At first, she did her very best to raise me. She worked as a waitress and would take odd jobs here and there to support us. But one day, I must have been around five, she ran into a friend from high school. That’s when she started resenting me. I lost my mother the day that old highschool friend told her she was married, living in a beautiful suburban house and with a baby on the way. All my mother couldn’t have. She wanted more, and I was the thing stopping her from having it.

I could tell you about the beatings, but I don’t want Owen to read about them. I could tell you that I was kicked around the house like a football and treated like I was some monster she had a hard time facing, let alone loving. I could tell you about the men that often shared her bed, only to hours later share mine, after she fell asleep. My mother would turn a blind eye to it, telling me that life was full of men that wanted things for free, and it would be better for me to just get used to it. So I did.

Funny how people sometimes talk about self-respect and dignity with their mouths full. A social worker once told me that I didn’t have to endure violence, but she doesn’t know my life. She doesn’t know what it’s like to be so love-starved that dignity and self-respect are merely ideas compared to the physical pain lack of love brings. I’ve seen men risk their lives with their families, comfortable lives, not because they need to satisfy a lusty hunger, but because they need to fill the holes in their chests.

As a teenager, boys didn’t interest me, as I already had men I didn’t want in my bed. But there was one that stole my heart: the only one that actually showed kindness towards me, Owen’s father. See, when you are love-starved and someone actually gives you love, even in a very limited way, you feel like you can conquer the world. I know he probably didn’t love me as much as I loved him, but he was nice to me. He took care of me and iced my bruises when things were a little rougher at home, and stayed with me by the bridge smoking joints when I was hiding from my mother or one of her boyfriends. And because of that, I gave my body and soul to that red-haired boy. I let him touch me like those other men would touch me, and though I could see he wasn’t as experienced, he was more loving. I got pregnant at 17.

The bad thing about heritage is that it’s like a story that tends to repeat itself over generations. I didn’t escape my mother’s house, but I was kicked out the day I turned 18, my belly large and round as a full moon. I did not have my son in a rusty Honda, but I did have him on the kitchen floor of the diner I worked at, also as a waitress. The cook cut my son���s umbilical cord with his kitchen knife. The owner helped me find a shelter until I could get back on my feet and gave me a small raise to help me raise my baby. In six months, I was able to rent a one-bedroom old crooked house in the suburbs. The owner sometimes would give me diapers and cash for some special favors. I did them all gladly. All I ever did was for my son. We lived happily for a year, sleeping in a queen-sized bed, watching cartoons during my free time. Owen was incredibly smart and learned to talk real soon. His hair grew to have little red curls, just like his father, and he was my true companion. I don’t know if he understood all the things I told him, but he always listened to me.

My bad choice was Stan. I was love-starved. I had only met one man who had ever been kind to me, and it was a boy with hopes and dreams of becoming a doctor. The burden of raising a child was too big for me to bear, and I needed someone to lean on. When Stan came with flowers and a promise of a happy life, although I didn’t love him, I took it. Owen needed a father, and I needed a husband. I didn’t want to become my mother. Her bed had seen more passengers than the city bus.

But Stan had no love to give. Stan was no different than all the other men that came to touch me at night. He only had demands and violence, and a bad taste for drugs. Whatever he had to give me, I took, I needed to numb the pain. I needed the high to stop caring, to stop feeling. But the high also made me stop caring for my son as he deserved. He deserves only the best.

When my son gets old enough to understand, tell him I’m sorry for not caring, tell him I’m sorry I left him alone with Stan so many times. I didn’t know, or didn’t want to believe, and it was only when I saw the bruises in this little body that I fully understood what was happening. That is my biggest regret. That I didn’t see it fast enough.

I could see the red flags rising, my heritage catching up with me, and this time I had to do something about it. I waited until Stan fell asleep and injected him with enough heroin to drop a horse. I know what will happen to me, I know soon enough I’ll be in jail, maybe for a lifetime. And I can’t burden my son with that. And to be honest, I’d rather have a quick death than a slow painful life.

I know Owen can survive my death. He is a beautiful and smart child, he will find someone who loves him. This is my gift to him. A ticket out of here.

This is why I do this. Because I want to end this shitty heritage. Look for no kin, the only one left is my mother, and I don’t want her raising him. This must end with me. With me gone, he gets another chance to be someone else. A bad one or a good one, I have no idea. But surely a different one. Whether he is a doctor like his father, or a waiter like his mother, I hope at least he is not love-starved. If one day he asks why I died, tell him it was because I loved him more than my own life. He should feel loved at all times. Please love him like he deserves.

With all the gratitude in my heart,

Becca

Victor folded the letter, putting it back in the envelope. He didn’t know Becca, but he knew despair. And he knew what it was like to love like that. So deeply that life was meaningless if it wasn't devoted to the loved one’s happiness.

The knock on the door made Victor shift his focus to reality, quickly taking the three folders and putting them in his drawer. A second later, he heard a familiar, loving voice.

“Are you done with work? I’m going to get Owen in bed.”

Without a word, Victor got up from his chair and walked to his wife, taking her in his arms, planting a kiss on her hair.

“Everything ok?” She watched him carefully. “You look tense.”

“And you look tired.” He playfully turned her in his arms so she would face the door, pushing her to leave. “Come on. We need to put our son and then you in bed.”

His whole world fit perfectly in Owen’s bed: the boy in the middle, Victor and Andrea laying beside him. Despite being able to read perfectly at the age of 5, Owen began to appreciate the comfort of a bedtime story and would ask for one whenever possible. Andrea would convince Victor to read it because she loved how he would use different voices for different characters. And although he was extremely embarrassed at first, as soon as he saw the excited look in his son’s eyes and heard his wife’s amused giggles, he fully embraced his part, using the deepest voice to depict a big scary monster or a higher pitch to illustrate a naive princess.

As he reached the final pages of the book, Victor put aside the voices as usual, using his softest tone to lull his son to sleep. That particular night, his technique worked way too well: as he closed the book and gazed at his slumbering son, he found his wife curled against the little boy, eyes also closed, breathing slowly and deeply. He took the time to watch them, sleeping soundly, unaware of the evil in this world.

He would do anything to keep this bliss. His bliss. He would keep them safe, their smiles bright and happy, without the shadows of this world. No matter what it took.

[oberlincollegelibraries]

Weekend Edition: Popular Science Books

Popular Science — science written for a more general audience — covers a variety of science topics. When looking for a book of this genre, you will find books written by scientists in more accessible prose covering a broad range of topics. So take a look, pick a science book today and read.

Fire, Ice, and Physics : the Science of Game of Thrones by Rebecca C. Thompson; foreword by Sean Carroll. (Physics) “Exploring the science in George R. R. Martin's fantastical world, from the physics of an ice wall to the genetics of the Targaryens and Lannisters. Game of Thrones is a fantasy that features a lot of made-up science--fabricated climatology (when is winter coming?), astronomy, metallurgy, chemistry, and biology. Most fans of George R. R. Martin's fantastical world accept it all as part of the magic. A trained scientist, watching the fake science in Game of Thrones , might think, "But how would it work?"” (summary)

The Body : a Guide for Occupants by Bill Bryson. (Human anatomy)  “Bill Bryson, bestselling author of A Short History of Nearly Everything, takes us on a head-to-toe tour of the marvel that is the human body. As compulsively readable as it is comprehensive, this is Bryson at his very best, a must-read owner's manual for everybody. Bill Bryson once again proves himself to be an incomparable companion as he guides us through the human body--how it functions, its remarkable ability to heal itself, and (unfortunately) the ways it can fail. Full of extraordinary facts (your body made a million red blood cells since you started reading this) and irresistible Bryson-esque anecdotes,..” (publisher)

Elemental Haiku : Poems to Honor the Periodic Table Three Lines at a Time by Mary Soon Lee ; illustrations by Iris Gottlieb. (Chemistry) ‘Originally appearing in Science magazine, this gifty collection of haiku inspired by the periodic table of elements features all-new poems paired with original and imaginative line illustrations drawn from the natural world. Packed with wit, whimsy, and real science cred, each haiku celebrates the cosmic poetry behind each element, while accompanying notes reveal the fascinating facts that inform it. “ (summary)

The Journeys of Trees : a Story About Forests, People, and the Future by Zach St. George (Forest conservation) "An eye-opening investigation into forest migration past and present-and the people fighting to save its uncertain future. Forests are restless. Any time a tree dies or a new one sprouts, the forest that includes it has shifted. Today, however, an array of obstacles-humans felling trees by the billions, invasive pests transported through global trade-threaten to overwhelm these vital movements. Worst of all, the climate is changing faster than ever before, and forests are struggling to keep up. A deft blend of science reporting and travel writing,..” (publisher)

End of the Megafauna : the Fate of the World's Hugest, Fiercest, and Strangest Animals by Ross D.E. MacPhee ; with illustrations by Peter Schouten. (Life Science) The fascinating lives and puzzling demise of some of the largest animals on earth. Until a few thousand years ago, creatures that could have been from a sci-fi thriller¯including gorilla-sized lemurs, 800-pound birds, crocodiles that weighed a ton or more¯roamed the earth. These great beasts, or "megafauna," lived on every habitable continent and on many islands. With a handful of exceptions, all are now gone. What caused the disappearance of these prehistoric behemoths? Paleomammologist Ross D. E. MacPhee explores that question, examining the leading extinction theories, weighing the evidence, and presenting his own conclusions. He shows how theories of human overhunting and catastrophic climate change fail to explain critical features of these extinctions, and how new thinking is needed to elucidate these mysterious losses. He comments on how past extinctions can shed light on future losses, and on the possibility of bringing back extinct species through genetic engineering. Gorgeous four-color illustrations by Peter Schouten bring these megabeasts back to life in vivid detail.  (Summary)

Galileo and the Science Deniers by Mario Livio. (Scientists -- Biography) “At present, we face enormous crises, such as the minimization of the dangers of climate change because the science behind these threats is erroneously questioned or ignored. Galileo encountered this problem 400 years ago. His discoveries contradicted the teachings of the church at the time, and his books were forbidden by church authorities. Livio provides insights into how Galileo reached his bold new conclusions about the cosmos and the laws of nature. He remains a hero and inspiration to scientists and all of those who respect science, which remains threatened even today” (adapted from book jacket)

None of these spark your interest?  Then book Science Library access.  Enjoy a bit of time studying in the beautiful open quiet space of the Science Library and see what new popular science books may have recently arrived.

[monkey-network]

Who is Best Girl in Konosuba?

Welcome back, fellow weebs, to Media & Entertainment Developers Essentials Lessons Book. Today on MEDELB, we’re discussing the question that existed since one of the most disastrous years in the 21st century, 2017. A question that dives into one the greatest anime of all time. Yes, even better than Dragon Ball Z, Cowboy Bebop, and Steven Universe. I am talking about KonoSuba: God's Blessing on this Wonderful World! Today we’re discussing: who is best girl? Aqua? Darkness? Megumin? Your father?

Now it’s important to know that KonoSuba is genius because it supports judicial simplication, a professional term that I can break down for you. Judicational Sampling is the idea that a free society does not impinge on the actual taxing benefits of localized source banks. KonoSuba is genius because it made a lot of money... to make more KonoSuba. It is not Disney, whom is the greatest bottom in the Hollywood industry, but in truth I wouldn’t want it to be. Sometimes, genius is fine where it is and you shouldn’t question it. There are people who question why KonoSuba originated as a light novel, and those people are to be shunned because they also believe Harry Potter is worth reading, straight people are bad, and that ranch dressing is good on pizza. You know, the alt-right and we have enough problems on our hands as it is. And as the great Joe Biden once said,

But today’s focus will be on discussing on who is best girl and how that affects our society. And if you are one of the people unaware of this discussion, then perhaps you should realize that any comments you have contradict themselves and function as your self-righteous wannabe soapbox. In short, you’re acting like a su crit, so please read history. Because ultimately, I am a proud KonoSuba kinnie and member of the intellectual anime community founded by the General Rebecca Sugar. I would appreciate it if you would recognize the context and respect. It. Because ultimately again, I sent you all a respectful anon about this earlier today which you ignore and this sounds, smell, looks, feels, tastes... like Racism. But back to KonoSuba, let us discuss Megumin.

Now, Megumin is a good person. She can create explosions which are big.... explosions, this represents her pride. She wears red which is the color of your blood, so that could mean satanic blood pacts. Megumin represents the resolve in critical deductive intelligent smart reasoning where blind subservience has been... eradicated. But what is blind, subservience? For a simple understanding, think of it as the cooked Molotov of slice of life shows or some other perceptively anodyne prosaic internationalized statement.

Overall, Megumin is a short person so choosing her as best girl is pedophilia and if you try to tell me otherwise, you are a nazi troll and deserve the chamber. And if you agree with me, don’t speak if you’re Afro-American like myself. Because this is just a cartoon for kids and you’re complaining too much about it. Or am I?

Next, we have Darkness, which is a force parallel to light and is also used in the form of attacks in the Kingdom Hearts universe. Those who follow the path of Darkness will usually gain untold power at the expense of something of their former selves, so this naturally explains why she is an explicit masochist. Then again, her real name is Lalatina Dustiness Ford which explains a lot more. We continue asking who she is, and what she is, but nobody is asking how Darkness is. Because looking like the poster child for Aryan superiority with her blonde hair and blue eyes, she isn’t capable of being best girl because that would mean the guillotine for you and I love you too much to not let that happen. She is overall the better character for inventing good things like the dominatrix, but she cannot be best girl because she is a good character and supports capitalism. I too support capitalism but I hate people who think capitalism is alright, if that makes sense.

Aqua is a better contender for best girl because I was fortunate enough to see less porn of her. Kazuma notably has called her worthless, but Kazuma is what internet users would call an braincel. He played video games, so obviously he isn’t one to be speaking on value. Aqua was able to survive getting vored by a frog multiple times, so clearly she is more cunning than the average E-girl. Aqua is able to make the most of her situation and entertain people with watersports.... and tricks. Kingdoms Hearts wishes it had a character named Aqua as cool as this one, but then again, you’d have to wait 4 more years for KH4 so what life would you have? She is mostly blue, which is a color, and I prefer it when anime has color. If it doesn’t, it’s racist. As the wise Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez once said this last November, 

This Disproves Objective Analysis.

She represents the element of the holy flood thesis joining the narrative tripling in subsequent disagreement that there any factual basis to the truth that Kazuma is wrong but because there’s simple authentic observation there is no objective truth. Plus she cries a lot, and if there’s anything I learned from Steven Universe, it’s that if you cry good enough, you can topple entire totalitarian empires. Except for General Rebecca Sugar, because she can smell your fear and absorb it accordingly. She is basically the Mother Teresa of animation. Again, great contender. But we have to consider the others so let’s move on.

Next, we have Wiz. 

...

...

Next, we have Sylvia from their first and latest movie. It’s as they say, if it is new, it is better. I believe Sylvia is more than the sum of their parts, they are caring and charismatic and can turn into a powerful creature. None of the other characters can turn into a powerful creature, and that is why they possess internalized misogyny. The slimy veneer of quasi empiricism can be a very disgusting tool for nefariously slipping in one’s own rotten viewpoint or value. One that you know might otherwise be c̷h̵a̷l̸l̸e̴n̴g̴e̸d̴ ̵a̸s̴ ̸r̵i̷t̸u̵a̷l̵i̴s̵t̷i̴c̵a̷l̶l̵y̶ ̶s̷u̸p̸e̸r̶l̴a̷t̴i̶v̵e̸ ̵o̶r̸ ̷p̶e̵r̵h̷a̵p̵s̵ ̷y̵o̴u̸ ̸t̵h̴i̴n̸k̵ ̷t̴h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̷͍͍̠͉͚̦̦͛̔̓͗̏ā̵̛̬̜̂͋ṙ̸̨̐̌̈̅ ̸̦͔̣̮͔͋̊̑̕i̷̛͎̽̅́͑s̴̠̩̟̝͙̍̏̀͌̑̕ ̷͚͔̦̜̜͊̾̽͊͂j̸̡̨̣̙̮̓͘ų̵̣͚̹̱̐͌̎̑̈̎̆s̶̢͚̺͉̰͂̄̉̾͑ț̵̤̭͔̲̲̮̀͒̏̐̓ ̵̡̙̟̖͐́͋͝p̷̙̳̣̫͍̬͗̽͒̀e̸̻̯̽̆̇́͑͒a̵̡̞̣̫̫̯̰̿͛̅̄̅͂c̷̀͐̊͗͝ͅē̵̠͕̫̙ ̶̻̼̳͑̓̈́̿͐ŵ̷̼̝̣͇̞̞̺̍͋i̸̠͓̪̣̜͍̘͊͂̀̄t̸̟̣͉̼͑̒͜h̵̥̗̲̩̑̏́͜ ̵̡̠͉̝̾̆̌̇͐e̷̢̨̼̺͖̒̈́̃̃̆x̸̟̟͂́̄̍͛́̄t̴͖̣̼̫͇͐͋̆̽̎̚r̷͎̙̯͈͉̲̚a̵̩͎̥̺̮͂̀̃̚ ̸̠̜̣̥̜͍̠̌ṡ̴̢̡̐̽̅̃̇ͅt̴̖̣̹͙̙̼̟̔̐̚͝͝ĕ̵͔͍̤̼̂͌̐̑p̸̡̹̪̻͔̬͕̃̚s̸̫̙̈͛̉̋̉͝ ̶͔͚̽͝y̸̨̘͎̠͕̺̽̉̃o̶̜̥̺͔͑̏ͅu̵̓͜ ̴̨̦͉̀̊͊̓̌̃f̶̢̮̱̳̖̟̼̰͒̊̈͜i̸̯̼̫̩͚̇̉l̸̢̢̯̗̠̪̹͈͎͚̬̭̮̣̬̿̈́̍͘t̸͕͕̮̻̭̰̬͎̻̰̬̙̟̀́̍̋h̷̡̡͎͙̘̩̞̤̰̳͖͙̺͈̅̓͆ͅy̴̡̢̳̤̮̘̻͚̲̪̳̭̗̙͈̽́̔̄̓͊̅̍̓͗͑̓̈̿͝,̵̛͙͚̒͐̍̅̓͗͌̕ ̷̢̡͚̮̜͚͈̖̥̳̹̦̙͈̄́́͛̈́̈́ͅt̸̛̼̯̯̠̰͓̩͍̺̊̽̔͂͑̕ë̵̢̖͕̰͕̜̹̰̫͙̣̩͈́͐͐̿̆̽͌̓̀͐̊̑̀̆͗̕͜ͅͅs̴̢̡̜̯̀͋͛͒͐̌̓̕t̸̠̳̱̙̃̓̽̈̔͗̏̋̓̈̏ ̷̧̧̤͉̦̲̜͔̫̤̯́̽͊̕̚t̸̘̲̼̜̱̿̿͑̽́̈́͋̔͘u̶͍̞̜͛͜b̸̛̯̙̼̜͙̏̓̄̽͆̏͘͝ẹ̷̛̉̑̂ ̵̡̡̞͓̱̤̞̫͛̎̆͘͝b̸̡̡̟̫̱́̔̓̋͗̃̊ǫ̶͍͕̼̥̳͕͖̥͈̼̳̎̒͋ͅŕ̶̢̨̧̛̞̝̰̠͍̥̓͛͗͛̃̏̂ņ̷͔̞̜̟̱̮͍͎̹̬̠̰̳̌͠͝,̸̙͕͓̟̥̜͛ ̶̛͓͊̉̑̍̀̿̽̅̓̂͝͝a̷̧͕͎̜̮̟͚̮̦̜̝̺̿̈́̍̀͂̔͝ņ̴̛̰̮̟̤̭̘̲̠̹̲̟̎̉͂̃̈́̅̂͒͑͠͝ͅͅṱ̶̛̥̘̬̖̳̤͈̟̫̻̘̻̅́̿̓͂̒͂̓̏̐̔̈́̊̊͜į̷̧̱͚̱͉̲̺̬͕̙̀̅̔̆-̷̫͈̳̩͔̠͕͖̹̲̓͊̂̅̈́̔̈́̔̍̎̒̇͌́̃͘͜͜S̶̘̻̱͖̗̠̩̥̝̺̻͕̪̯̊͒͆̽͐́̀͠͝ͅJ̸̨̝̲̬͕͈̘̞̠̱͖̮̒͑̈́̎̃̄̍̃̚͘̚͝ͅͅẂ̸̡̖͉̞͍̙̲͈͈̜̼̪̯̱͇͉̋́͋̎́͗̿̋̈́͂̈́̽̉̚ ̴̣͓̼̟̼̬̙̜͈̰̼̼̖̣̆̅̋̽̕͝͠C̷̙͉̭̜̭̞̝̲̳̰̊̓̃͝E̵̤̟̮͠N̵̨̢̼̱̺̭̦̟̳̪̻̘̿͛̀͜ͅT̸̹͚̆͆͐̊̀̏͑̓̈͝ͅR̸̛̮̲͇̼̻͇̹̙̞̤͎̗̾̊̈́͊͗̋͑̅̿̓̐̔̔͝͝ͅI̵̧̩͕̼̱͚͈̻͎̮̝̖̰̐̑͛̎̂̃̇̇̀̈́́̃̕͠S̶̞̘͔̈́̒̑͒́T!! But, Sylvia is dead, so as much as I wanted to consider, they can’t be best girl so we must move on. 

Next we have Yunyun. It is said that she “forms a rivalry with Megumin as an excuse to create a friendship.” Now we could call her a beta cuckquean, but that would imply you have a life outside a human being. As our current president once said, 

I’m never a Trump supporter myself, but this is wisdom I can kinda get behind regardless. Sure he ghost wrote this, but not all wisdom comes from the mouth. However, Yunyun represents the normalcy of KonoSuba, and as such could be a nice change of pace for those too dependent on the definitive waifu. She has big jiggly boobs, sure, but have you ever considered that her boobs have, personality? A lot of otakus and bronies have not been understanding this as of late, as I feel we’ve overlooked something far more important: Tactile anime feel. We can stare at breasts all we wish, but how realistic are her proportions? You can say it’s fiction all you want, and you’d be right, but if I’m envious that the fiction women have better boobs than mine, my opinion is now better than yours. What I’m getting at is that Yunyun is like a ghost, you try to find her, you search for them, and you look for them, and you try to find them, but you can’t find them, thus they are empty handed.

The last contender is Kazuma, who is the villain of KonoSuba because he doesn’t act like the typical isekai protagonist. He isn’t like Kirito from SAO who was almost involved in incest or Sonic the Hedgehog who believed stalking people is okay as long as you’re alone. As Luigi Mario once said, “It is common, but not too common.” He spits in the face of a critically stupid people because he believes in true gender equality. Those who don’t believe in this philosophy are mostly women, and that’s okay. He must clearly be best girl because he is asserted with the phrase “Give and take”. Most people complain about 11 hour Youtube videos, but they can hardly spend three hours overthrowing their bastardizing governments. Which is why Ligma is not running in the 2020 presidential election, because you keep putting your time in the wrong cubby hole. KonoSuba is a complicated anime, and Kazuma is the crux of that complication. So the sooner you can understand Kazuma, the more you’ll understand KonoSuba; that is why he’s considerably best girl. Otherwise, go play World of Warcraft like the mainstream loving psuedo-intellectual toesucking simp that you are.

To conclude, KonoSuba has a lot to think about for a smart people. Choosing best girl is not about finding your interest, it’s about avoiding callout culture because you have shit taste. If there’s enough controversy, I avoid it unless it can benefit me in the long and short term. Clearly Aqua is the choice for when you yourself have little to prove, Yunyun understandably for when you have nothing to gain, Kazuma for when you want to feel better about yourself. In any case, if you are not horny on main, you are probably the reason Trump got elected because you are yourself sexually fascistic. Sorry, I don’t make the rules and ergo this post was never made for you. Real, in-depth nitty gritty perspective, prescriptive criteria for denationalization context barriers are still alive on the internet. Ultimately, we must decide on whether or not this was all worth it. Simplicity is hard to strive for, but that is why people only use five percent of another’s argument. Or else we’re fans of the She-ra reboot, always over-complicating the idea that kinship will save the day in the end and thinking the creator didn’t copy the great works of famous Shark Tale actor Martin Scorsese. You know? Tankies. I myself have made a long post expressing this complicated issue, but then again, I am a chronophobe. I fear time and I would appreciate if you wouldn’t timeshame me, you potential ablest. So in truth, you choose who is best girl because you are valid. Not more than I but still.

Thank you for reading my post. If you liked this essay, please comment. It’s free. If you liked my paypal, please donate. It’s free. Sharing this would be highly appreciated. It’s free. Dollar Dash Share is offering a free shaving earbud for the first ten sign ups when you use the promo code, ‘MNKY’. Make sure to try out their Curiosity streaming service and use the 5000 silver to unlock new warriors or maps. Thank you for reading............ KonoSuba.

[clarenecessities]

so shit’s fucked

here is a timeline

09/03/2019.

two people in a 70 person server discuss the SU movie in the general chat channel, using spoiler tags because it had just recently been released. this lasts five posts.

09/07/2019.

alyson comes into the general chat channel and says man, isn’t it a bummer that SU is n*zi apologia and racist and actively harmful?

Donnie says yes, it’s harmful, but drop the n*zi comment because RS is jewish (alyson does not, then or the other two times donnie asks, despite donnie being jewish himself). He later says he doesn’t care about SU at all

Synth says it’s understandable that people would drop the show because of poor handling or the racism issues, but agrees that n*zi is too far when there’s genuine propaganda out there

Beta says yes, the writers could have handled things better, but reducing the message of the show to “n*zi good” is a deliberate misinterpretation

A fourth person comes in briefly to say they also don’t care about SU and that this should probably be in the discourse channel.

About halfway through the conversation, after his second request to stop calling SU apologia was met with a sourceless insistence that other jewish people criticized it (though alyson did not specify whether they used the term n*zi apologia), Donnie told her she was taking this very personally, which Alyson met with “Am I? I said a thing, said it was unpopular, and left it. and then got swarmed?”

At this point she held ~46% of the conversation.

She then abruptly left, saying, “like. Hooooboy, there's so much assuming and passion and defensiveness going on here, so I guess I'll leave since I've seen this all before and know for a fact that no one is going to let it rest.“

She held 41% of the final conversation. Everyone who weighed in was either explicitly open to criticizing SU or completely indifferent, and were simply asking her not to refer to the work of a Jewish nb woman as n*zi apologia.

09/10/2019

Alyson writes a post. The introduction is more or less “if you uncritically like SU, unfollow me” and goes on to say she underestimated how few people in the neopets fandom recognize its harmfulness. She says she’d been thinking about leaving the Neolodge discord for a while, but her mind was made up on the 3rd when she saw "a lot of hype and support" (5 posts), four full days before she posted in the general chat. She says she "was swarmed by questions asked by people who didn't want to hear [her] answers." (there were two questions asked of her: “did you just kind of want to get mad at us for enjoying steven universe?” and “were you venting?")

She says that SU is her “litmus test” of sorts, implying--possibly by accident--that she was then testing the Neolodge by dangling some SU-discoursey bait. 

The post was tagged #the problem isn’t liking a thing and #it's denying anyone from not-liking it for very valid reasons

Except the problem was demonstrated to be specifically that she was asked not to use a particular term to describe that not-like

7 months later, 4/16/2019

There is a Neolodge board on our own neopets.gov. Alyson shows up and is polite & sociable until more people that she recognizes filter in. She neomails hollis to broach the subject of what had happened in september, saying “from what i remember it was mostly synth who was very reactionary and aggressively posting at me because i criticised steven universe“ which, if you’ll review the logs, is both not about synth, who only posted twice (probably an honest mistake), but also grossly mischaracterizes the nature of the incident. Over the next day or so she and Hollis discuss the nature of the lodge and what transpired in September. Hollis emphasizes that the Neolodge has never been a place for bigots or their sympathizers, and Alyson goes radio silent.

4/24/2019

Alyson writes a new post. It tells a different narrative than we see play out in the logs. Her summary of events is as follows:

So, when wondering on the chat if anyone else was critical of the franchise, instead the chat suddenly sped up and i was swarmed by a bunch of anti-criticism fans who almost immediately -instead of reading my beginning attempts to elaborate on where i was coming from- posted over and over again that rebecca sugar is a marginalized voice and as such, immune to criticism, and how dare I insinuate a jewish woman of writing nazi apologia.

To reiterate, she began a discussion. Every person who responded was either openly critical of SU or indifferent. They were not suggesting RS is immune to criticism because she’s marginalized; they were in fact largely agreeing with the criticisms that Alyson raised, but asking her to be more conscious of the impact her choice of terms could have (and in fact was having).

I (a neurodivergent, mentally ill, pansexual aromantic woman, aka also a marginalized voice) was talked over and treated as if i ate babies. Obviously, I left the neolodge discord after that.

Again, she held 41% of the conversation--and by her own admission had already been planning to leave the Neolodge, and had thrown down this final ‘litmus test’ despite not wanting to engage with the results.

Now, obviously marginalization isn’t a contest. There’s no “I have more problems” or “I have worse problems” that will ever get us anywhere constructive. As I said in my own reply to her post, this was not a matter of RS being untouchable because she’s marginalized, but of Alyson’s behavior when asked not to draw the comparison between RS’s work and literal N*zi apologia.

Hollis refused to read and think about what i had said and the information i linked to, despite apparently going back in the discord chat and viewing the whole mess, where i had also laid out information to back up my observations.  Instead, my voice talked over, my words and concerns discarded, I was treated as if I had committed some heinous act, and if i had changed as a person then maybe they might let me back in to the neolodge.

Now being privy to the entire conversation, I can assure anyone reading this that Hollis read & thought about everything Alyson said very seriously. We had an in-depth and nuanced discussion, and ultimately realized that this was not simply a matter of whether or not SU is a poorly handled cartoon or full-on apologia. It was a matter of Alyson’s unwillingness to engage in a discussion she herself began, her repeated refusals to respect the comfort and wishes of our Jewish members, and her later misconstruals of the conversation as a ‘bombardment’.

Alyson insists she did not call RS a n*zi, and that critiquing the show is not equivalent to doing so, but unfortunately ended that thought with this:

Words mean things: look up apologia.

Now, I’ve already pointed this out, but apologia means “a formal written defense of one’s opinions or conduct.” Thus, every time Alyson has insisted SU is actual, literal N*zi apologia, she means that a Jewish nonbinary woman conceived of and executed an explicit defense of fascism, n*zis, the H*locaust, regardless of how involved she was or wasn’t in the production of the show itself.

Personally, I choose to believe that Alyson herself is unaware of the definition, and instead meant that SU makes excuses for fascism, or alludes to n*zis, or much gentler (if still harmful) language. I choose to believe that she’s conflating it with an apology, and simply didn’t follow her own advice.

The Neolodge is home to actual children/minors/underage people and most of the people in the incident were younger than 21. That is children.  I was getting annoyed at young non-adults. 

This is blatantly false. The Neolodge has always been a minor-free space, and there’s been discussion of upping the minimum age to 20. That Alyson herself is 30 may have skewed her perception, but as you can see in our response to this angry anon, we have always been concerned with the protection of minors & the promotion of a safe, comfortable atmosphere.

Alyson goes on to say that she had liked & trusted Hollis, and this came with no prior warning--presumably because Hollis had been polite and even friendly when she came to our board, and they hadn’t interacted much over the previous months since her exit from the discord.

So if you’re like me, and don’t put up with bullshit, and refuse to lie down and let bigotry get further footholds into western culture and be lauded for it, consider staying away from the neolodge and users like hollis and synthaphone

I still don’t quite understand how we got here, tbh. People standing up against a stark refusal to respect someone’s comfort as a Jewish person has somehow been skewed to mean they’re the bigots, and “western culture” is in danger, specifically from this gay nb & their nefarious lesbian pal, who spoke the least of anyone in the conversation.

I can’t speak to what’s going through her head right now. I don’t even know if she read the replies enough to know she was spreading misinformation about the Lodge’s age restrictions, let alone her (hopefully accidentally) drawing an obliquely antisemetic portrait of RS. I’m not even mad at her at the moment so much as confused. I genuinely don’t understand her rationale or what she thinks would motivate us to do the things she says we’ve done. I don’t think she’s a bad person, or even that her actions would be unfair if the situation were what she’s purported it to be.

But the fact of the matter is, it isn’t. She tried to start a fight seven months ago and has been hanging onto it since, convinced that she was in the right, never considering the express opinions of the people she claimed were so passionate about the show she so loathes. She’s attempting to drag Hollis’s name through the mud because they were kind enough to give her a chance to explain her side of things & she squandered it by instead parroting the talking points of the video we had all watched back in September, when she originally posted it.

She’s throwing Synth in for good measure, because they’re the only person she could be bothered to identify.

It’s not a true account of events, she made no effort to have a good-faith conversation at any point (particularly about her own behavior), and frankly it’s unfair. It’s easy to dump snippets of DMs and announce that you’re blocking anyone who disagrees with you, sure--it can even be good for you. But in this case it’s more of what we saw all those months ago in the discord, when she tried to stir the pot and left after scarcely 30 posts had gone by; it’s cowardice. It’s a way to frame the narrative in such a way that she can maintain her illusion of moral superiority, secure in the knowledge that everyone who has criticized her or her behavior is a bigot and and writes n*zi "apologia” apologia.

She’s isolating herself from the community one group at a time, and I still don’t know why, because she won’t talk to me about it. She won’t talk to any of us about anything that isn’t SU, and I don’t care about SU. I care about her & her motivations, and I’m starting to accept I’m never going to truly know either.

[entertainment]

Entertainment Spotlight: Brooke Lewis Bellas

Brooke Lewis Bellas can currently be seen in the film The Mourning. She also brought her talent to the role of Pam Deluca in the comedy ½ New Year, about a tight-knit group of friends letting loose at their annual Half New Year Party. Brooke is a veteran of the horror genre and is returning to those roots with a role in the upcoming zombie film set in 1950’s Hollywood, The Day of The Living Dead. Her other film credits include the critically-acclaimed films Psycho Therapy, iMurders, and Sinatra Club, opposite Danny Nucci. Brooke’s TV credits include Fox’s Quintuplets. She will next be seen in the steaming series Red Rooms, which she also produced. Alongside her acting work, Brooke is a life coach and author of Coaching From A Professed Hot Mess, is a Celebrity Ambassador for the Breaking The Chains Foundation, participates in LA Mission Feed The Homeless, and is a staunch LGBTQ and AIDS Activist.

You have worked extensively in the horror genre—what is it that draws you to that particular genre?

I have always embraced my inner detective and have loved solving mysteries. No wonder I have been a huge fan of Alfred Hitchcock and Brian De Palma most of my life! I was also obsessed with vampires as a young girl and loved the ‘80s horror films when I was growing up. I have always been drawn to the darkness, unknown, mystery and escapism that horror offers. I also love how the horror genre embraces women of all body types (and curves) and offers strong roles for women!

If you could, is there anything that you would want to change about the horror genre?

If I could change anything about the horror genre, it would be the mainstream and public perception. Horror is often perceived as B-movie quality, evil, cultish, or less respectful than comedy or other genres, and that can be a false perception. There are many mainstream movies that we have all loved throughout the history of cinema and these are the type of horror genre films that I grew up watching. I have never been a fan of gratuitous horror and I could reference my favorites, from Alfred Hitchcock to Agatha Christie to Stephen King to Brian De Palma to the current thrillers and mainstream entertainment brought to us by Blumhouse or Jordan Peele, that are timeless. I wish people would understand how smart some of these screenplays are, the subtext of the stories being told. I wish the judgment and stigma of a lot of horror would be removed.

What would you say makes for a good scene partner?

I have been fortunate to act opposite some veteran greats and brilliantly talented actors, and I would, humbly, say that the most important components that make for a good scene partner are generosity, vulnerability, and openness—a partnership in which we listen and support each other. I have worked for over 20 years as an actress in this crazy industry, and there is little I have not experienced. I cannot say that working opposite the most “talented” or trained actors have necessarily been the best scene partner experiences for me. But working opposite generous actors who give and who support you, as you do for them, and you become like a well-oiled machine where the parts work better together...those actors who want you to succeed, who want to bring out the best in you, and you and them, a give and take—that is when movie magic is created!

1/2 New Year is a comedy, so can you tell us what drew you to the project? Can you tell us a little bit about the role of Pam?

½ New Year is an indie film with heart about a group of young people in their 20s who come to Hollywood, not necessarily for the entertainment industry but to live the life…live their best life…live their dreams…live that excitement that we all grow up seeing in movies, and yet, it is not always that simple. And, it is not always that glamorous or fun. We see how these relationships and people are glued together. I think the tagline sums it up best: "Friends are the family you get to choose." So, it is about a group of friends that go through the ups and downs of young life in Hollywood, and they learn that all you really have is love and friendship. I play Pam DeLuca, the big sister of Reed DeLuca (Drew McAnany). The film displays how sometimes we have family out here that is far away from our biological family, and it is what we go through, and the support we need to get from the worst of times to the best of times. It is very 80’s throwback and I think that's what I love so much about it. I met our star, writer, and producer, Drew McAnany, in Hollywood over ten years ago. Drew originally started out hosting in LA, and he was working at E! Entertainment when he interviewed me on the red carpet. He asked me about Philly, and we quickly bonded during that meeting, so he really became like a little brother to me. Like so many young actors in Hollywood, Drew was fighting to get a break for himself as an actor, so he created ½ New Year as a vehicle for himself to star in. He also wrote the role of his big sister, Pam DeLuca (from Philly), for me to act in. We had worked through a few years of table reads and different directors and producers, then Georgia Menides jumped on board, did the re-write on the script, then became the producer who made it happen. Along with producer Zach Block, they hired Tom Morash as our director to creatively guide this project.

I am honored and grateful to have had Pam DeLuca written specifically for me. I think that is something every actor and actress wants in their career. Pam is in her 30’s, and a bit older than her brother Reed and his friends. They are Italian from South Philly, so they argue, but are very close. Pam is part of the gang, but she is like the "mother hen" to them. Her journey is about protecting her brother and giving guiding advice to the girls they hang out with, including the gorgeous leads, played by Bo Youngblood, Shanley Caswell, and Rebecca Vinagro. She also likes to have flings with Reed's young, handsome buddies, including Marty (played by Jermain Alverez Martin). Pam is an on-screen example of what we go through in "Hollywood life”: She is single and all about her career, she loves to party and doesn't want to grow up! The film released in the USA on all TV On Demand and has just been released on Amazon Prime and Tubi TV.

What’s the funniest/weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you on a film?

Oh, I have had many! I truly feel that being an actor and producer in the independent film world involves a whole other level of funny and weird experiences! When you do not have big budgets to deal with, you have to get creative in other ways. So, one funny story that I would love to share was my experience of being one of the producers on a film titled Sinatra Club, that I was fortunate to get to act in, opposite Danny Nucci from Titanic, Jason Gedrick from Iron Eagle, Ellen Hollman from Spartacus, Michael Nouri from Flashdance, and the list goes on and on, with an incredible cast of talent we assembled. And, what was so cool was I found the script in 2004, we filmed in 2009, and it was distributed in 2011, so it was a very long and challenging development period for an indie project, but one of the wildest memories I have was the fact that the story is based on a true story about the night John Gotti became John Gotti, so for all of the mobster history and movie buffs who are reading this, I was so fortunate to be a part of history in the making with this film. This film is based on Sal ‘Ubatz’ Polisi who went into the witness protection program for releasing information on John Gotti and his crew, and when he came out of the witness protection he wrote the story of his life in the Mafia. It was so wild to work on a project for so many years where we would literally meet at 10 o’clock, 11 o’clock, 12 o’clock at night in privacy and secrecy at the Sportsmen’s Lodge in Studio City, California, in hotel suites and we would hold our production meetings there!

You actively support many varied causes, how did you get involved in activism?

I was born with a philanthropist's heart and have always been a supporter of giving back in whatever way we can. I was spearheading events in college to run around Philadelphia and feed the homeless with my sorority sisters. Now, I am so grateful to have whatever little “celebrity” status or recognition I have that can help make a difference. I feel blessed and responsible to give back through my artistic endeavors and through my work. I am a believer in activism and I typically work with numerous charities at a time. I am a celebrity ambassador for the Breaking the Chains Foundation that cultivates healing through art for those who have experienced eating disorders, self-esteem issues, and body image issues. I am active in charity work with the Los Angeles Mission on Skid Row and helping to feed the homeless. I have been active in several Breast Cancer charities and events, as I have lost people whom I loved to breast cancer over the years. I have also been active in quite a few charities and philanthropies to support AIDS research. I authored and have donated my book, titled Ms. Vampy’s Teen Tawk: There’s A Lotta Power In Ya Choices, to support teen girls. And, in giving back to the world, I find that it brings so much fulfillment and gratitude to my own heart.

What does your allyship mean to you?

My allyship means everything to me, both personally and professionally. My empathic heart has always been wired to help others. I do not perceive myself as a person with power or fame, but I am incredibly grateful that I have been afforded the opportunities throughout my career to give back, to take a stand, and to help those who have been marginalized in some way. I am a proud philanthropist and activist, and I feel it is my duty to serve. Throughout my life, I have often felt misunderstood or that I did not belong, and I have dealt with my own challenges and struggles, so I am known to “fight for the underdog” and support those in need.

You are a certified life coach, what’s the best advice you have ever received, and, in your opinion, the best advice you’ve ever given to somebody?

As an actress and life coach, I am a huge proponent of having a strong support system of professionals in my stable. I feel that all creatives and health professionals should have their own support system and professionals to turn to. At the end of the day, I have received such incredible advice from my professionals—my life coach of many years, Lori Bertazzon, and my actress empowerment coach, Michelle Colt. One of my favorite pieces of advice that Lori Bertazzon has given me occurred a few years back when she supported me in creating my own set of personal commandments at the beginning of the year. These are commandments that I consistently refer back to, that help to empower me and help to create breakthroughs when I am having breakdowns in my life or career. Michelle Colt has also given me unbelievable advice and support in her workshops to strengthen my soul as an actress, and I have to reference a recent funny one because I love it so, and she knows me so well: our mantra, “No more shenanigans!”. It is something that I hold near and dear to my heart daily. 

Humbly, I think the best advice I have given over the years was born from my Ms. Vampy web series for teen girls, where I created a catchphrase that I cherish: “When faced with fear, dig deep inside, find your inner Vamp, and… Vamp It Out!”. To this day, my now-adult cast will send me messages that they used this catchphrase. I use it as an adult (you do not have to be a teenage girl to appreciate it) and when I am fearful or trying to have a breakthrough, I dig deep inside and I Vamp It Out! My other favorite catchphrase advice was so powerful for me, I actually named my life coaching business after it: “Be You… And, Be Fearless!” 

Has your training as a life coach ever helped you to prepare for a role/project? How?

I really love this question, because one may think that different careers or skill sets cannot help the other, but I have found that my training as a board-certified life coach has helped me tremendously to prepare for a role or project in a few ways. First, I am now very mindful and aware of the “mind chatter” and I am more able to catch myself in it. When I enter a space of fear or anxiety, I am able to coach myself off the ledge. Even more compelling, is that when I went to school at the Life Purpose Institute to become a board-certified life coach, I learned early on that a very important component of life coaching is “listening without an agenda”. This has helped me exponentially as an actress, because when you are acting and you're truly in the moment, you need to be listening without an agenda, as well. A true response should come from your instincts and that is so wild to me because now I am able to catch myself when I am preparing for a project and I am anticipating what the character will say to me next, and I can catch myself listening with an agenda of what they will say, and I know that I'm not in the moment as an actress.

How can mental well-being and self-care help to sustain activism/advocacy/allyship?

I cannot stress enough how strongly I believe that mental well-being and self-care can help to sustain activism/advocacy/allyship and our own personal strength—mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I actually speak about this in my book Coaching From A Professed Hot Mess: “When you give to yourself and allow yourself to replenish, you have so much more to give to others and will feel so much stronger inside.” I am still working on this, diligently, but when we learn to take care of ourselves and focus on our mental, spiritual, and emotional strength, we understand what it means to feel and give from our hearts. We become inspired to give back and to support people, causes, and have a passion, purpose, and mission, outside of ourselves.

What can you tell us about your latest projects The Second Age of Aquarius, Stripped, The Mourning, and Red Rooms?

At a time when the world is upside down and we do not really know where our next jobs will come from, I feel very blessed that I had acted in, and produced, a few projects that wrapped prior to COVID-19. My Psycho Therapy (Amazon Prime) film director, Staci Layne Wilson, wrote a film with Darren Gordon Smith (Repo! The Genetic Opera). Those two are so crazy talented. It is a fun indie gem. I don’t want to give any spoilers, but it’s The Second Age of Aquarius. It is a comedy, with a little bit of a Sci-Fi twist and a lot of music. It’s really sweet and clever. I’m an Executive Producer and I act in it. I play Tawny Stevens. She’s a young mom, stuck in the eighties, as an eighties, New Jersey, rocker mom. Wait until you see my hair, my make-up, and my leopard pants. I did the Jersey accent. I can’t wait for the film to come out! We also wrapped a TV pilot Stripped. It is a Comedy/Drama. It is a TV pilot that was written and directed by Marc Clebanoff, who also directed the film The Mourning, which stars Michael Walton, Louis Mandylor, Dominique Swain, and Larry Hankin. I was both an actress and a co-producer. The Mourning is a cool Sci-Fi/Love Story that just released on the new Tubi TV streaming channel. Stripped was a passion project. I was also one of the producers with Marc and Frank Krueger (also stars in it). I played Jules, the publicist to the star, Chris Cameron, played by Casper Van Dien. It was created by Mark Clebanoff and late actor, Kristoff St. John. They had created the concept before he passed on, which is such a sad situation, but Marc wanted to carry on his legacy, and he did, and we did. It is such an incredible cast, and series, we are all proud of. Lastly, at the start of COVID-19, my creative instinct kicked in and I knew I had to create to stay somewhat “sane”, so I spent most of the quarantine producing and filming a virtual streaming series. Red Rooms was conceived and completed out of “isolation inspiration”! Joshua Butler and I had been in development on a project and had been reminiscing about our favorite industry days of yesteryear when we met on the horror film circuit. I had already been a superfan of Joshua’s work for years. In 2019, we shot a proof of concept for our project, which paid homage to his hugely successful film VLOG (2008) from the producers of SAW, which went on to become a hit TV series. When COVID-19 hit Hollywood and we were all in isolation, I called for a production meeting, then suggested we use the footage we shot and attempt to experiment by filming each character virtually from their homes. Red Rooms stars horror film and TV veterans Brooke Lewis Bellas (iMurders), David Alpay (The Vampire Diaries), Suze Lanier-Bramlett (The Hills Have Eyes), Ricky Dean Logan (Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare), and Noah Blake (Teen Witch). We are currently working on post-production and cannot wait to see where we end up!

Thanks for taking the time, Brooke! 

Photographer: Birdie Thompson | Hair and Makeup: Allison Noelle

[natsubeatsrock]

“Does Fairy Tail respect women?”

Oh, you celebrated Intermational Men’s Day last year on November 19th, but not International Women’s Day on March 8th? Chauvanist pig!

I remember it like it was a few years ago. I was catching up with the Tartarus arc and Erza was fighting Minerva in her "Nakama hakama". Someone walked in on me watching this part and made a passing remark on how the series doesn’t seem to be respecting to women.

I didn't know how to respond..

And that's weird. Like, given my track record with the series, you'd think I'd able to agree with this sentiment. But I can't fully agree with it, even as I don't fully disagree with it.

If you don't know, I did "reviews" (they were more like reactions) of the chapters in the Alvarez arc when they came out. At first, a rally big complaint I would regularly have with chapters is how female characters are framed in panels. At times, it's obvious that he wants his readers to be aroused by his female characters, rather than try to empathize with them. It got to a point where I got frustrated with it and had to stop making the joke as it was becoming stale to make.

Of course, that's only in how characters are framed. When it comes to the outfits, this becomes a worse issue. It's one thing when the Star dress for the water-themed spirit is a bikini and the maid-themed spirit's dress is a maid outfit. (Someone did a redesign of both and I think that's a bit too much.) But did so many outfits really need boob windows? (Also something, something bikini armor battle damage.)

And don't get me started on certain events. Consider that they didn't walk in on Erza's torture scenes only episodes before. There's plenty of other examples of this kind of thing involving several characters. Especially involving the main female lead of the series to a disturbingly high amount. It's stuff like this that makes it hard for me not to empathize with this sentiment. 

Here’s another fun story. I was on my college campus reading one of the newer chapters of Fairy Tail. When I told my friends that, one of them noted that it sounds like a title for porn. I dismissed the comment, but was kind of embarrased by my inability to defend the series on that aspect. Especially considering I had just finished reading the Christmas special.

At the same time, I feel as though some of the complaints come from the wrong outlook on things. Like, some people will say it's wrong for Lucy and Natsu to not have the same kind of fight results. While I think Lucy could have had better ends to her fights, I don't think it's good to compare the two as they have different functions and character arcs within Fairy Tail. As I often say, Lucy is to Natsu what Dr. Watson is to Sherlock Holmes (or what Robin is to Chrom for the gamers among you).

And to be blunt, some of this has to deal with Hiro Mashima being a writer for a magazine aimed at young boys. Are they interested in female characters with depth and intrigue? I'd like to hope so. But it's not like they wouldn't be turned off by sexy girls, even if they don't have much else to them. (I say that as if I don't know women with similar feelings towards female characters.)

But, that feels wrong to say about the women in Fairy Tail. I mean, Mashima's not the best writer of either male of female characters in shonen, even and almost especially in his chosen niche of battle action shonen series (an aspect of this discussion that I don't think gets enough consideration). But for as many complaints as can be levied against him, I think there is good to be said of how handles his women.

Team Natsu has a male to female ratio that puts its contemporaries to shame. By the fourth arc of the series, the team of two girls, two guys, and Happy is established as the "main group" And once Wendy and Carla join the team, the team balance is more towards female members than male.

And they're by no means just pieces or meat or pretty faces. Wendy is argued to be one of the best-written characters in the series and has one of the most dynamic growths of any member of the main cast. Comparing her during her introduction in Nirvana arc to her during one of her fights in the latter half of the series is near jarring to see. And considering we're on this side of Hero's, the idea that Lucy is weaker than Wendy has been obvious since Tartarus.

But for her part, Lucy's exploits have been criminally underrated by fans and critics alike. Some of my favorites include singlehandedly defeating Love and Lucky, figuring out the second half of the S-Class Exam and coming up with the plans at least partially responsible for defeating Zeref and Acnologia. If we're a bit looser with what counts as a "Lucy accomplishment", she shuts the Eclipse Gate with Yukino, her future self figures out how to defeat the dragons and is responsible for rallying members of Fairy Tail in the anime. Just because she isn't taking out the big bads directly doesn't mean her actions don't move the plot of arcs of effect the main story.

And, then there's that woman, Erza. When the topic of "strong female characters" in anime comes up, I can imagine Erza as the type of character one would think of. They think of the type of female character that has no flaws. She beats all the enemies that she faces without breaking a sweat. The only people that don't like her are bad guys. Many people have rightly brought attention to how, to varying degrees, these are true of Erza.

But, it would be wrong to put Erza in the same league as [insert example here]. The whole point of her arc in the Tower of Heaven, the arc that gives the greatest focus on Erza, is all about how Erza isn't as strong as people think she is. She has a personality with more settings than "stoic heroine". She's shown to soften up and even be incompetent several times.

While it's easy to look at her fake wins, they aren't always as easy as one may argue. Yes, she's able to beat Kyouka without using her senses. However, she doesn't stop her from activating Face. Yes, she punches Deus Sema with almost all of her bones broken. However, she needs help to hurt Irene after and isn't directly responsible for her death. She's not sweeping all her enemies easily and without trying. [Use your imagination at who I'm attacking with this.]

And that's just regarding the members of the Strongest Team. This doesn't go into Mirajane, a fellow S-Class mage with her own set of complex feelings. This doesn't go into Juvia who, despite all that could be said regarding Gray, is a strong mage in her own right and whose arc is also underrated. I could talk about them and how Mavis is the first master of the guild or Irene is the mother of dragon slayers or Anna is the architect of the Eclipse Project, and so on.

I could even go into some of the stuff that's happened in other Mashima works. I could go into stuff like having all four of Eden’s Shining Stars become female in his current running work. I could also just start gushing about why I like Elie from Rave Master so much and how anyone who says she’s just like Lucy or Rebecca is objectively wrong. Heck, Mashima made Starbiter Satsuki, a one-shot with a female lead, and it may be one of his best works.

Again, this isn't to say Mashima is somehow a feminist champion among writers of shonen manga. Remember that I started this post off by admitting many of the issues with his portrayal of women. It's near undeniable that Mashima treats women differently than his male characters and many of those ways are negative. I'm not here to deny any of that.

At the same time, I feel like the ways that Mashima has elevated women in his work have been severely underrated and ignored. It doesn't undo the bad he's done on that, as some would argue. But it's not absent from his work. I believe your view on this is a matter of what you want to emphasize more about this aspect.

And, thus, we return to the scene that inspired all of this. If Erza fighting in what many would consider an impractical outfit is what matters most to you, I get that you'd think Mashima doesn't respect women. If seeing arguably the strongest woman in the series fight to save a fellow victim of abuse from demonic influence, you'd probably say otherwise. Even as I see merit in both views, I lean more towards the latter.

[schraubd]

What's the Right Way To Oppose Annexation?

After last year's Yom Kippur, I wrote about a question I posed to some foreign affairs mavens at my synagogue regarding what is the "right" way to pressure or induce Israel in furtherance of American policy objectives. We spend a lot of time talking about what's off the table (e.g., no BDS) -- okay, fine, but what is on the table? This question, I think, needs to rise back to the forefront of our mind as Israel contemplates annexation. Annexation does not enjoy the avowed support of most American Jewish organizations, but there is deep ambivalence over what tangibly those organizations will do if annexation nonetheless proceeds. The AJC has already announced it will defend annexation if Israel chooses it (it complained that the headline "We'll defend annexation if needed" was misleading, but the article text literally says "If annexation ... comes to pass, we will make the strongest possible case" for it). The ADL apparently will not defend annexation but is cagey on what forms of opposition it will and won't support (more on them in a second). But this is a conversation we need to have now. When a foreign nation does something we don't like, opposition can mean a wide variety of things, from "quiet grumbling" to "send in the troops". Hopefully, nobody is suggesting invading Israel to stop annexation; likewise, any serious opponent of annexation needs to agree to something more than just a murmured "it wouldn't be my choice but ...." Between those poles, though, there's a lot of space to maneuver. Which brings us back to the ADL. A few days ago, Jewish Currents made a big splash when it wrote about a leaked ADL memo outlining proposed strategies for responding to annexation. One reason I often give JC a side-eye is that they let their political slant so nakedly seep into their reporting that I don't have confidence that they're reliable relays of the views of their interlocutors. I don't think they'd falsify quotes or anything like that, but the interpretations they make and they inferences they draw are self-serving and often quite dubious. And unfortunately, here they for some reason did not to my knowledge release a copy of the memo itself, meaning we're relying heavily on them for both content and analysis. Yet reading between the lines, there seems to be a disjuncture between what JC imputes to the ADL, and the words they actually quote from the ADL's memo. The memo, for example, makes clear that the ADL will not be defending annexation or Netanyahu, and that there must be "space for local and national leaders to express their criticism of Israel’s [annexation] decision." Moreover, it is particularly attuned to the problem where criticism of the critics falls disproportionately on the heads on prominent minority figures, and cautions that this must be avoided as well. On the other hand, the memo also suggests that it will oppose certain legislative actions that would impose more tangible punishment on Israel. The primary focus of the memo appears to be on relationship managing with major Democratic figures (particular in the CBC and other minority caucuses) -- respecting the validity of criticizing annexation while wanting to avoid a brush war akin to l'affair Omar. Yet you'd barely get any of this from the tone of the JC article (and it is accordingly not at all how the article has been largely received). The article rather presents the ADL as plotting to sabotage anti-annexation politics and undermining opposition to the policy; its concerns about relationship-preservation and avoiding flashpoints seen as a barely-disguised attempt to muzzle all but the most perfunctory and non-threatening murmurs of discontent. In the course of accusing the ADL of seeking to undermine opposition to annexation,  the JC barely even admits that the ADL explicitly indicates it will not be defending annexation (in sharp contrast to the AJC). The tone of the article is that, insofar as it is seeking to moderate language and concerned about preserving relationships, the ADL in effect is running interference for annexation even as it pretends to oppose it. All Jewish organizations have an obligation to support whatever proposals or  rhetoric end up emerging under the banner of anti-annexation politics -- and any organization which doesn't commit to doing that should be seen as disingenuous in opposing annexation to begin with. It is reminiscent to a complaint about "tone-policing" -- that given the major looming injustice of annexation, any attempt to contest particular anti-annexation rhetoric or proposals as too extreme or aggressive should be seen as a means of deflecting attention away from the bigger issue. The problem is that the ADL is absolutely right and reasonable to be concerned that valid concern and opposition to annexation could spiral into something a lot uglier and less defensible, and that Jewish organizations should absolutely be on the lookout to tamp down on flashpoints. And more to the point, we're already seeing some of this ugliness explicitly defended on exactly the argument the JC proffers. Over in the UK, we're seeing a clear version of this at the intersection of two significant actions by the Labour Party leadership: first, sacking Rebecca Long-Bailey from the Labour shadow cabinet after she praised an article falsely accusing Israel of being behind the chokehold tactics used against George Floyd, and second the announcement that if annexation proceeds Labour will back a settlement boycott. The line from the Corbyn diehards is, more or less, that the decision regarding the former means the latter doesn't count; that in the time of annexation if you're objecting to conspiracy theories about Israel being behind racism in American policing, you don't truly oppose annexation at all (read some of the replies!). There are, in other words, two horns to the dilemma. On the one hand, it is absolutely reasonable to insist that annexation by Israel needs to be met with real, tangible consequences, and that the ADL and other Jewish groups must not obstruct that. And it's entirely plausible that the range of responses that the ADL deems "acceptable" will be too narrow and too weak, and if that turns out to be the case they should be criticized for it. Theoretical opposition to annexation cannot be paired with practical opposition to any and all tangible moves taken against it. That's why we need to start thinking now not just about our redlines of what goes "too far", but the alternatives of  "what's in bounds". If we can't give a realistic answer to that, then it will indeed be hard to take "opposition" to annexation seriously. But on the other hand, recognizing the need for tangible action does not entail stepping aside and accepting any policy or rhetoric that styles itself as "action". Any time a foreign nation undertakes a provocation, one will see arguments for taking a hardline and arguments for defusing tensions, and it is a lie that only the hardest of hardliners are taking the provocation "seriously". If "opposition to annexation" spills over into "racism in America is the product of an Israeli plot and how dare you call that out as antisemitic with annexation on the table?", that's the sort of thing which doesn't help anyone -- not Jews, not Israelis, not Palestinians, not Black people. Trying to avoid that outcome -- preventing righteous tailored fury from bursting into an unbounded and uncontrollable conflagration -- is neither illegitimate, nor wishy-washy. If -- God forbid -- Israel carries through with annexation, my hope is that the response of American progressives everything necessary to clearly communicate its unacceptability and to promise proportionate consequences, and nothing that pours unnecessary fuel on the fire or seeks to sabotage the relationship between Jews and our allies. It's a large ask. But if it is to happen, it will require both moral courage -- to call an injustice an injustice and respond accordingly, as well as empathic connections -- to maintain relationships of care and concern. Both prongs matter, and committing to one should not and must not be seen as sacrificing the other. via The Debate Link https://ift.tt/3iiy1ZZ

[jasontoddiefor]

Title: When in Gotham, do as Batman does

Summary: Desmond Miles, the mentor of Gotham, and Batman have a serious discussion. (Meanwhile, Robin shows the little Novice accompanying their local Assassin how to do the coolest flips.)

AN: AssCreed/Batman Crossover for the 2nd day of AssCreed Week - Assassin Brotherhood.

Desmond loved Gotham. It was like Florence or Venice or Rome, except better because it was his city. You could tell that it had been built on the bodies of Templars and Assassins alike, particularly the Assassin influence was hard to miss if you had their training. Every corner was easy to disappear into, the buildings were high and the houses crammed into each other to create one fast-paced track for rooftop chasers. Not to mention the abandoned underground railroad tracks or the catacombs sleeping even deeper below. Gotham was built for its shadowy protectors and took good care to hide them all away.

Shaun and Becca had declared him officially mad for settling in this city. He could have gone everywhere in the world. Assassins as skilled as Desmond were hard to come by and currently needed all around the globe.

But Desmond had died for their cause once already (and then been fished out of terror-filled green pits of screaming nails on blackboards) and so they had allowed him to pick.

And Desmond had chosen Gotham.

Or maybe the city had chosen him.

People didn’t really move to Gotham, Desmond had noticed. Nor did they ever leave despite having the funds or the motivation. They cursed and screeched and begged, but they never went further than a vacation away.

And some people didn’t leave at all.

It was a moderately warm September night still. They had been blessed with a warm summer, and its remnants were still chasing through the winds, rolling in-between the skyscrapers. Gotham’s chaos had been calm lately. It was only a question of time until the first Rogue broke out of Arkham again, but right now everything was still. It was one of those nights in which they actually had time to look out for the candles and the flashlights asking for their help. Desmond had sent most of his recruits out for training, errands and information gathering. Maybe also a little blackmail depending on how they brave they got tonight. Instead of supervising from their headquarters, Desmond had chosen to take their youngest recruit out. Though Jason, by all means, wasn’t really a recruit as much as he was a kid that had realized the city’s Thief guild might support him on the streets, but the Brotherhood could get him away from them.

Or as away from them as Jason wanted to be.

He’d seen Desmond teach the Novices how to do a Leap of Faith and that was it. He hadn’t stopped pestering Desmond about teaching him, even at the bar where minors definitely weren’t allowed in, until Desmond had agreed. Jason wouldn’t stop arguing that Robin couldn’t have been much older than Jason either when he had started tailing the Bat. However, Jason also didn’t know that Robin had been trained to be an acrobat (and unknowingly an assassin) from birth.

Desmond knew because he had made it his business to know what was going on in his city.

The identities of its brightest protectors were simply a part of that. Batman had been here before Desmond, had bled for this city. Sure, Desmond could argue he had died for the whole world, but at sixteen he had run away from it all, unlike Bruce Wayne, who had already known his destiny then.

This was also the reason why Desmond’s Brotherhood didn’t kill. He respected Batman’s code as the superior rule. Even law enforcement worked with him while they certainly didn’t know about the Brotherhood.

(Well, they did to an extent. You couldn’t miss the spray-painted As that had shown up all over the city, but the police thought those belonged to a random tagger or, at worst, a gang.)

It was another matter that had his out of town Assassin contacts roll their eyes and bite their cheeks at. Desmond had no problems with assassinations. He was freakishly alright with them so much that he wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out the Isu had engineered him that way.

However, their Brotherhood’s no-kill rule was the only reason the Bat tolerated their presence. Maybe the fact that they had quietly gotten rid of the Court of Owls had contributed as well. It wasn’t murder if you cryogenically froze them to be picked up by the Justice League later on.

The Gotham Brotherhood didn’t kill. It made them child-friendly enough that Desmond had given in to Jason’s demands and let the eleven-year-old become his protégé.

And so here they were, standing on a rooftop and waiting for the Bat to drop in.

“How much longer do we gotta wait?” Jason asked.

After tonight, Desmond would work on the boy’s situational awareness. He remembered a few games Ezio used to play with his recruits and their children to teach them how to observe. They also had the neat side-effect of detecting whether someone was predisposed for eagle vision. Desmond thought he had seen Jason’s eyes flash gold once or twice, the speed at which he managed to track down people certainly spoke for it, but he couldn’t be sure.

He knew Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson both had the gift though, and that Wayne was aware of it. You didn’t train with an old splinter group of the Brotherhood for years to be ignorant of eagle vision.

“Mask on, kiddo?” Desmond asked instead, studying the shadows to their right that had become just a little too dense.

He had felt ridiculous the first time he had put on a mask, he didn’t need one to obscure his face, but masks made people think of vigilantes, and it was better to be mistaken for those (and honestly in these times the border between Assassin and Vigilante had become thin) than be known as the Brotherhood. Gotham was mostly Templar free and Desmond would like to keep to this way. He didn’t need their attention, not when his people weren’t strong enough yet. Nowadays, Desmond was used to the weight of the mask covering his eyes. He had grown fond of the red and gold Venetian Rebecca had bought him as a joke.

“Never took it off.”

Desmond smiled. “Good.”

Then he turned back to the shadows. “Hello, Batman. Robin.”

Behind him he could feel Jason tense, looking around to spot the vigilantes Desmond had already identified.

“Mentor,” Batman greeted him and finally stepped forward, Robin following him easily, being just a step behind.

“Oooh, who is that?” The Boy Wonder asked, mustering Jason.

“My protégé. Don’t take him too far, please, he’s untrained still.”

“What do you mean ‘don’t take him too far’?” Jason asked, but Robin had already crossed the distance eagerly.

Desmond wasn’t sure whether Batman took Robin along to these meetings precisely to have him distract the companion Desmond had chosen to take with him or if Robin really was just that sociable. The Bat’s intentions were hard enough to read on the really good days and Desmond had better things to do than waste hours on that particular headache.

Within seconds Robin was talking with Jason, contributing most of the conversation, while Jason nodded at the right moments, his eyes never entirely leaving Desmond.

“He’s young.”

Batman too was observing the boys’ interaction. He had his arms crossed over his chest, suggesting a relaxed posture, but his shoulders were tensed.

“I have questions about Abstergo, Desmond Miles. And about those you call Isu.”

Desmond sighed. He had wondered how long it would take Batman to actually figure out his identity. They had pretty much erased Desmond Miles, or any other alias he had used before Abstergo had captured him, from history. By all means, Desmond was a ghost. But apparently, even death couldn’t keep the world’s greatest detective away.

“Alright, Mr. Wayne,” Desmond replied. “But does that mean I can take a look at the Piece of Eden you keep at your manor in turn? I don’t want to criticize, but these things really shouldn’t be handled by someone without experience.”

Batman fell silent. On the rooftop next to them, Jason was shouting in joy while Robin performed his quadruple flip for him. He should watch that jump. It was common knowledge, at least for those interested in acrobatics, that not many people could perform it – Gotham’s resident prince Dick Grayson being by far the youngest person. It was even on his Wikipedia page.

“And you have that experience?”

Desmond tugged at his hoodie’s right sleeve, revealing his black glove first, and then his burned arm beneath. The golden circuitry was shining brightly in the dark. Once he stopped using eagle vision, it would return to a muted yellow you could mistake for tattoo ink.

“You’re standing in front of the world’s expert on these cursed artifacts.”

His smile was weary, but there was no point in lying. Ever since his death, Desmond had been able to feel these remains of Eden if he got close enough to them. They didn’t make him uncomfortable, but he could almost tell what each piece had been crafted for, and the thought of letting them lie around left to their own devices was fear-inspiring.

“We have much to discuss. I’ll contact you. Robin.”

Across, Robin perked up and moved from his handstand into a bridge and then into a stand. Batman waited just long enough for Robin to plunge into a print and jump over the gaps between the rooftops before he too leaped away into the alley on their right.

Jason wasn’t far behind Robin, crossing the space between houses without hesitating. Whatever Robin had demonstrated or told him, its effects were already showing.

“You done already?” Jason asked.

“Mhm. Why are you asking?”

Jason clicked his tongue and shot Desmond an annoyed look. “Nothin’s true. I should ask questions.”

“I taught you that sentence,” Desmond replied and began to walk into the direction of tonight’s second destination. He’d drop Jason back home on the way. Sure, the kid had seen much already, experienced too much for his age, but Desmond wasn’t going to take a ten-year-old to the Foxglove. Not even for information gathering. “And I’m sure it definitely had nothing to do with Robin.”

“Oh, c’ mon, D. It’s Robin. He’s the coolest. So you gotta tell me what you talked about ’cause he was gonna teach me how to do the neat flip.”

“I’m sure you’ll get another chance to learn from him. Batman just asked for some credentials.”

“Credentials? That can’t be everythin’. Come oooon, tell me. Tell me, tell me, please. You know I can do this all night and day.”

Desmond didn’t doubt him, he knew better. Jason’s presence at his side was proof of that.

“I know. You showed me that you had endurance and now you’ll learn patience.”

“What? You can’t be serious! Des- hey!”

Desmond chose that moment to jump from the balcony into the dumpster beneath. The smell of these containers really made him miss the haystacks of his ancestors.

“Patience, Novice,” Desmond repeated.

Batman would tell him soon enough when he wanted to meet up. You couldn’t shake off Batman once you had his attention.

(And true enough, he got an invitation to Wayne manor a week later. He didn’t dwell on the fact that Batman knew where he lived. It was only fair.)

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

Peridot: Why she’s not around often, and why there’s still hope.

K, so I love Peridot. I love her so much. More than life itself. Why is she just..never around? Back in season 4, during the whole zoo arc, she had a lot of use? Like, she could have avoided any issues getting there for starters, being a technician. And she’s more accustomed to how homeworld works than the others? When Aquamarine and Topaz were kidnapping people, she wasn’t there to help rescue the humans, or when Steven got back. And the fact that she was the one who provided Homeworld with a list of names? That’s good fodder for her character! She got Steven kidnapped! Cmon, she’s gotta have some sort of reaction! But no. Nothing until Raising The Barn. Lapis left and that opened the door for more development when it came to Peridot. But what did we get? One episode of her being sad and then nothing until Made Of Honor. And like??? Where was she when we found out about Rose being Pink Diamond anyway? I mean, she was living under the same roof as the gems! Then there’s the fact that she had such a minor role in Reunited? And only got her star because the whole cast was due for a makeover, which just completely took any sort of focus away from her star! Which we were all waiting for her to get for three years! What did she do in the movie? It was a good opportunity to get more of her. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl were incapacitated at the time. Steven didn’t have his powers. Peridot could have finally had a chance to be a part of saving the world! She should have been! She knew about the injector Spinel used, and the writers could have at least tried to act like she was doing something! But instead she. Bismuth, and Lapis all stood and stared at the injector for what, forty something hours?!? I swear, that scene where Steven says, “I have no more friends to help me-”, completely forgetting about Peri and the other’s until they’re shoved in his face, was leaked audio of the writers forgetting my girl exists.

Now, I have a lot of hope for Peri in season six, because the writers- weather they did it on purpose or not- set her up for a lot of character growth. Some people see the way she was written as lazy too. Her being so happy-go-lucky, joky, and fun? It’s been seen as poor writing by many people. But I see something behind it. Because her character has become forced. And i’m certain the crew noticed it. Who didn’t? I still love her, but that’s just because i’m literally obsessed with her. But in all my obsessions and dozens of rewatches of every episode she’s in...i’ve noticed something that changed the way I see her personality. 

Peridot has a very self destructive personality. It’s not shown there at the surface, but throughout the whole show, there have always been notes of it. Back when she was a homeworld gem, despite  what her initial ego may suggest, I am under the impression that Peridot was pretty low ranking. She places herself above Pearl’s, but not much else? I’ll assume they’re more valued than Ruby’s, because Ruby’s seem to be considered pretty expendable. But like? She places Quartz Soldiers higher than herself, and while some of them, namely Jasper, are respected, we’ve seen from the way the Amethyst’s at the zoo are treated that they aren’t typically very high class. And her original devout loyalty to homeworld means she’d probably already have practically no self esteem with her lower ranking and homeworld’s obsession with conformity? Plus Peridot didn’t have any powers and that can’t help at all. And yeah, when shd joined the Crystal Gems she had to denounce the whole system, but her entire life before that point, her inferiority was a f a c t to her. Joining the Crystal Gems must hay have helped her views on life and her morals, but I’m not sure she became any healthier as a person? Like, yeah the Crystal Gems taught her basic values and morals. But they didn’t teach them to her in a way that made sure she understood, they just kinda got mad at her when she messed up and let her figure it out herself. I’m not saying the Crystal Gems did anything wrong. But like..she really learned that it was fine for people to inflict arbitrary rules onto her without justifying it and then get mad when she breaks their silent rules. Like when Amethyst supported her making fun of all the other Crystal Gems and then got mad when Peridot made fun of her. Obviously we all know making fun of people to their face is wrong. But she didn’t. And the way she learned was too vague because she just learned that if you upset someone it’s always your fault and that you don’t need to understand, just to blindly apologize so things are okay again. And in the episode Too Far, Peridot tries so hard to make Amethyst laugh. To please Amethyst. It’s why she ended up insulting Amethyst in the first place! Her need to please starts showing itself very clearly at that point. Now, the Crystal gems only ever taught her how to be a good person. But that changed. Enter Lapis Lazuli. A deeply traumatized gem. A gem who was irritable and emotionally volatile. And Peridot, who was taught by homeworld that she didn’t matter, and by the Crystal Gems that other people did matter, and had a right to be angry at her whenever they pleased for reasons she didn’t understand, was absolutely vulnerable to how Lapis acted. Now, she clearly doesn’t go out of her way to please people she doesn’t know. But she did know Lapis. She had an overwhelming desire for Lapis to like her as well. And so we leave a gem whose bound to be very sensitive and have countless triggers (and is prone to angry or emotional outbursts)...alone with a gem whose all set up not to stand up for herself and that when someone’s upset at you, do anything you can to make it right, and it’s absolutely your fault. Immediately after being left with Lapis, though, her personality hadn’t changed into the wacky funtime dorito a lot of my fellow fans (and the critics too), like to criticize. And that’s because it wasn’t until Too Short To Ride that the final piece of her self sacrificing, horribly self-destructive personality came into place. If you don’t recall, there was a scene where Peridot was upset. At first Amethyst just..comforted her. But, well, when Peridot didn’t immediately feel better and fake joy for Amethyst...her tablet was nearly thrown into the sea. This was treated as completely fine and normal. And Peridot, i’m sure, suffered for it. Because there came the idea that things worked out better if she was who people wanted her to be. Peridot changed after that. Amethyst had punished her for being sad. And Lapis must have taken it poorly if Peridot ever got angry. Those things combined with the rest of her character arc? Of course she started trying to lighten the mood whenever she could. Of course she dedicated herself to being happy and silly and making sure everyone else was alright. And this is deeply written into her subtext, most notably in Raising The Barn. Now, at first I thought that episode was meant to highlight that Lapis was a very bad ‘friend’ (or gf, however you wanna read it), to Peri. But well...the show never treated it like that. They never treated lines like “i’ve been bending over backwards for her” or “I can’t tell her how I feel” or “There are things I should tell you, but I know they’ll upset you, so I don’t say those things”, and of course “We don’t matter. Lapis needs us”/”We don’t have a choice in this.” like they were about Lapis being toxic- even emotionally abusive to an extent, which is how I initially read it. Lapis never learned a lesson. No one said Lapis did anything wrong. Of course, I do still think Lapis was wrong there (she made the choice that they were leaving without consulting Peridot. She got angry at Peridot for lying to her when she had no right to. Etc), but now I realize that it wasn’t just Lapis being awful and having no consequences.That episode was there to shove this aspect of Peridot’s personality in our faces. And most of us missed it completely. Of course, it makes sense, seeing as many things Rebecca and the other writers weave into the show are only there in hindsight. It took me twenty views and multiple rants about how the way that episode showed their relationship was pointless, to realize just what the point is. And what’s more? In the climax of the episode, Lapis leaves. Peridot is emotionally open with Lapis, the thing she’d been afraid to do, the thing that goes against her self destructive way of thinking...and Lapis leaves. That is why I am 100% sure Peridot is still stuck in her self destructive behaviors with no one noticing and no real support system to help her deal with it. 

So yes, the writers set her character up perfectly for the future. Weather they meant to or not. We’ll only see if it was bad writing or a perfect setup once the show is over. And well...I hold out hope that this was purposeful. Because if there’s one thing I know about Rebecca Sugar, it’s that she’s a genius at story and character writing. There’s no way she didn’t mean for this to happen. Or at least, that she hasn’t seen the open door and decided to take that opportunity. I have a lot of respect for Rebecca, and I want everyone to know she will most likely do our Peri justice.

I would love to have any thoughts? Weather they’re agreeing with me, adding to my thoughts, or criticizing what I said. I would love any discussion on this topic because it’s been bouncing around my head for a long while now.

[an-incurable-affection-blog]

Ivanhoe

Sir Walter Scott. 1819. “Romanticism and Gothic” list.

“Rebecca and the Wounded Ivanhoe” by Eugene Delacroix.

“The knights are dust, And their good swords are rust, And their souls are with the saints, we trust.”

In the style of Sir Walter Scott, whose books and chapters open with epigraphs, I begin with a quote that Scott adapts from Coleridge’s “The Knight’s Tomb” (although in Ivanhoe we find this in the main body of the text). 

The quote is just one of countless places where the narrator calls attention to the fact that the book is set in an earlier age (the reign of Richard I, in the 12th century) than its time of publication (1819). Whereas a contemporary historical novel typically presents a self-contained story, without extradiegetic references to its nature as a period piece, Ivanhoe scuttles between its setting and (Scott’s) present-day: for example, to contrast what a certain building looked like in the period with how it does now; or contrast the customs of the time with current customs, sometimes to help readers understand an event (“And as there were no forks in those days, his clutches were instantly in the bowels of the pasty”), sometimes just because; or offer reasons why we should believe in the plausibility of his fictions, naming his historical sources. As the first historical novelist, Scott seems to feel called upon to explain and justify his new genre even within the text itself. In their context, the Coleridge lines are trotted out to justify why the narrative declines to include lengthy descriptions of the devices and colors of the knights at a particular tournament⁠—contrary, the narrator explains, to “my Saxon authority (in the Wardour Manuscript).” 

Of course, no work of fiction needs to justify why it includes certain details and leaves out others—it is the author’s job to decide what material is relevant, and there are far too many choices involved to justify each one. But the narrator brings up his reasoning behind not describing knights’ heraldry—namely, because they’re all dead now—to play up the theme of nostalgia, a staple of the Romanticist movement. Not only are we, in the nineteenth century, looking back at knights (how nostalgic), but remember, readers, they no longer exist (aw!). 

But the Romanticist project here is ambivalent, with the narrator both criticizing (explicitly) and glorifying (usually more implicitly) the Age of Chivalry. The narrator frequently opines on “the disgraceful license by which that age was stained,” and how “fiction itself can hardly reach the dark reality of the horrors of the period,” and so on. “In our own days...morals are better understood” (he’s no relativist). But on the other hand, as Richard the Lionheart comments upon hearing the Saxon noble Athelstane detail how he escaped from a crypt, “beshrew me but such a tale is as well worth listening to as a romance.” That’s because it’s a tale within a romance, and romances, the implied author seems to agree, are well worth listening to. “The horrors” are seductive. The horrors are romantic. (Cf. the Gothic.)

The title may be Ivanhoe, after its chivalric Saxon hero Wilfred of Ivanhoe, but the real hero(ine), arguably, is the beautiful and long-suffering Jewess Rebecca. Here we can see the real divergence of this 19th-century Romantic work from its medieval-romance inspiration. In what can be read as an implicit criticism of medieval romance and the age that gave rise to it, the show, I think, is stolen from the titular knight-errant by a Jewish woman. 

The only character with no flaws or foibles, Rebecca is even more perfect than the heroine we would expect to star in this romance—Ivanhoe’s lady-love, the Saxon princess Rowena. As the similarity of their names suggests, Rebecca and Rowena are doubles. They appear in back-to-back chapters, simultaneously unfolding chapters that feature them, imprisoned in separate rooms of the same castle, spurning the sexual advances of their respective captors. Heroines locked up in castle chambers, besieged by would-be rapists and the threat of forced marriages; heroines demonstrating their noble character by rejecting wicked seducers—all tropes. Less predictable is the use of these tropes as a means of contrasting the situations of women from different classes, and with a Jewish woman emerging as the superior character, no less. 

Both women do triumph in their goal of averting the fates their captors intend. But Rowena, normally haughty, crumples in a flood of tears when she realizes De Bracy’s power to force her hand in marriage. (Luckily for her, De Bracy is soft at heart—this would not have worked on Rebecca’s admirer, the still more wicked Brian de Bois-Guilbert.) Rebecca, though bearing herself with “courtesy” and a “proud humility” (in contrast to Rowena’s haughtiness), shows herself to have more spirit and strength of character. As a member of a despised race, Rebecca is approached with an offer far less honorable than marriage. (Also, Bois-Guilbert’s vows as a Knight Templar forbid his marriage to anyone.) Instead, the Knight wants to make her his mistress. In such a station she will be showered with riches and glory, he promises. She answers with true fighting words: “I spit at thee, and I defy thee.” In a classic (literally, going back to classical mythology) heroine move, Rebecca threatens to commit suicide, jumping to the ledge of the high turret and warning him not to come a step closer. This both dissuades Bois-Guilbert from his original intent and heightens his passion for her: “Rebecca! she who could prefer death to dishonor must have a proud and a powerful soul. Mine thou must be!...It must be with thine own consent, on thine own terms.”

Thus Rebecca finds herself at the center of a Gothic-heroine-threatened-with-rape-in-castle-chamber scene turned into a Samuel Richardson-style seduction narrative—that gives way, at this part, to a Gothic castle siege passage. Whereas Rowena’s persecutor uses the interruption presented by the siege as an excuse to desist in his ill-fated suit, the Richardsonian plot starring Rebecca continues as a dominating strand of the novel, another respect in which her character appropriates the literary territory of the highborn Englishwoman. Before Brian de Bois-Guilbert closes his first scene with Rebecca to go defend the castle, he established himself as that tantalizing character-type, the potentially reformable rake. “I am not naturally that which you have seen me—hard, selfish, relentless. It was woman that taught me cruelty, and on woman therefore I have exercised it...” He came home from knight-errantry, he explains, to find that the lady-love whose fame he spread far and wide had married another man. Here the reader can glimpse the possibility for Rebecca to be a Mary (another Jewess) to the former lady’s Eve, the means to redemption for a man who was led by a woman into corruption. Whether the Knight Templar will turn out like Richardson’s reformable Mr. B or the irredeemable Lovelace remains to be seen.

In another aspect of Rebecca’s and Rowena’s doubleness, Rebecca’s (rejected) lover is antagonist to Rowena’s (accepted) lover, the hero Ivanhoe. Brian de Bois-Guilbert is the ultimate 12th-century bad boy: he has “slain three hundred Saracens with his own hands,” and he slays with the ladies, too. He is described, in the Ann Radcliffe tradition, with all the dark fascination of a Gothic villain: 

“His expression was calculated to impress a degree of awe, if not fear, upon strangers. High features, naturally strong and powerfully expressive...keen, piercing, dark eyes, told in every glance a history of difficulties subdued and dangers dared...a deep scar on his brow gave additional sternness to his countenance and sinister expression to one of his eyes...” 

and so on. One of the most interesting things about the novel for me is the way that Bois-Guilbert—over and above whatever is appealing about bad boys—is a strangely sympathetic character, more so than Ivanhoe, and to what degree that was built into the narrative intentionally. When the narrator weighs in with moral judgments (as he often does), it can offer insight into what his take might be on those scenes unaccompanied by commentary. So for example, when the narrator calls “the character of a knight of romance” (here, describing King Richard) “brilliant, but useless,” it implies an author for whom Rebecca is a mouthpiece when she comes down on the anti-chivalry side of a debate with Ivanhoe. So the narrator—and most modern people—likely agree with Rebecca’s opinion of the laws of chivalry as “an offering of sacrifice to a demon of vain glory,” to which a highly miffed Ivanhoe responds that she can’t understand because she is not a noble Christian maiden (unlike Rowena, is the unspoken subtext). 

Applying this to the case of Bois-Guilbert, the villain, we might conclude, to our confusion, that his views of race are closer to the narrator’s (more progressive). I have already discussed the novel’s treatment of Rebecca, one of two major Jewish characters; the other, her father Isaac, conforms to some offensive Jewish stereotypes (stingy, money-hoarding, obsequious etc.) but is ultimately portrayed as good-hearted. Moreover, anytime the narrator draws on negative stereotypes he accompanies it with vindications of the Jewish people based on their historic oppression. As in other areas, the storytelling is here flavored with a decidedly 19th-century sensibility (even perhaps progressive for 1819, when Jews still could not hold public office in England). The narrator repeatedly describes the anti-Semitism of his characters as “prejudiced” and “bigoted.” All the characters seem to feel Rebecca’s beauty and greatness, but Bois-Guilbert is the only one who sees her as an equal, without qualifying her noble traits in terms of her Jewishness. Her race seems to be a non-issue for him. Contrasted with Ivanhoe, whose admiring male gaze turns into a demeanor of cold courtesy when he learns Rebecca’s descent, the medieval villain looks more and more like a hero for the 21st century. Could he be Scott’s real hero? 

Moving forward, the evidence piles in favor of Rebecca as the real star (despite her complete lack of mention on the back cover of my 1994 Penguin Classics edition). The penultimate chapter, the novel’s denouement, decides Rebecca’s fate in the Richardsonian narrative. The two chapters prior, separating the conclusion from when we last left Rebecca, in danger of being burned at the stake as a Jewish sorceress, are sort of like...okay, Ivanhoe, Rowena, Richard the Lionheart, blah blah blah. Every chapter in Ivanhoe is fun, and there’s a surprise in these chapters, but it’s ultimately an example of Scott’s mastery of the suspense trick of drawing out a cliffhanging moment by switching to a different plot, one that is slower and more predictable and less emotionally captivating. It’s all great reading, but whether or how Rebecca will be saved is what we really want to know, what we will read through anything to find out. Rebecca’s importance—and Rowena’s as her foil—is also borne out by Scott’s choice to close the novel on their farewell scene. 

The penultimate chapter contains Rebecca’s trial by combat. Rebecca’s life is at stake, but the real trial is Brian de Bois-Guilbert’s. Since backing off the whole raping Rebecca idea, he has saved her life and then put it at risk again. Bois-Guilbert’s rescue of Rebecca from the burning castle of Torquilstone, by the way, is an example of Scott’s practically cinematic sense of humor and flair for dialogue. Essentially, the Knight Templar appears in the room where Rebecca has been nursing Ivanhoe, when they’re all about to go up in flames; Rebecca is more fiery than the fire (“Rather will I perish in the flames than accept safety from thee!”); Bois-Guilbert picks her up and carries her off anyway (“Thou shalt not choose, Rebecca; once didst thou foil me, but never mortal did so twice”); Ivanhoe, unable to move, yells hilariously impotent threats of rage from his sickbed: “Hound of the Temple—stain to thine order—set free the damsel! Traitor of Bois-Guilbert, it is Ivanhoe commands thee! Villain, I will have thy heart’s blood!” The perfectly timed next sentence: “‘I had not found thee, Wilfred,’ said the Black Knight, who at that instant entered the apartment, ‘but for thy shouts.’”

After this daring rescue, in which the Knight Templar uses his shield to protect Rebecca at the risk of his own life as they gallop on his horse through the flying arrows of the battle, he spirits her to the prefectory of his Temple with the purpose of keeping her captive until she feels forced to “consent” to sex with him. As one might expect in the case of two equally indomitable people with a difference in values, this isn’t going well, until it goes even worse: the Grand Master of the Knights Templar, a stickler for all those pesky rules about not drinking and fucking, makes a surprise visit and finds out about Rebecca. The leader of the prefectory, who knew about Rebecca and was cool with it but has to save face for himself and his most important Knight, convinces the Grand Master that the Jewess has literally bewitched Bois-Guilbert (an easy sell). So in all fairness, she should really be burned to death and he should be given a few Hail Marys. Learning of this horrific prospect, Bois-Guilbert returns to Rebecca with his final offer: he will leave England, abandoning the Knights Templar in all its attendant glory and ambitious prospects, in order to save her, on the condition that she accompany him to start a new life back in the Middle East, where he can conquer everything (his reigning passion) there instead; if not, he’s not giving up his whole life for nothing, and she will see that “my vengeance will equal my love.” For the third time, Rebecca’s answer is that she’d rather die. Bois-Guilbert despairs, wavers, makes a plot to save her without compromising his position—he gets her, when inevitably convicted, to request a trial by combat, imagining that he can be her champion in disguise. Then he is required to fight for the Knights Templar against her champion (if she can even find a champion). Brian de Bois-Guilbert is like the third best knight in the world, so that’s probably a death sentence for Rebecca. He offers to save her again when she’s at the stake, with no champion for her yet appearing and time running out, and is again rebuffed. Ivanhoe rolls up at the last minute to be Rebecca’s champion, still really wounded, and his horse is totally exhausted. Under these conditions, the Knight Templar knocks Ivanhoe off his horse, as everyone expects. But no one, not the live audience, certainly not me, expects Brian de Bois-Guilbert to fall off his horse for no reason, practically untouched, and die. The Grand Master says, “This is indeed the judgment of God.” True to genre, the narrator replaces divine intervention in human affairs with a very Romantic and scarcely more probable explanation: “he had died a victim to the violence of his own contending passions.” 

Rebecca’s would-be seducer dies of being unable to decide whether he is a Mr. B or a Lovelace. Some readers may be left in similar indecision about how to judge him. Not so Rebecca, who has actually loved Ivanhoe the whole time, "imput[ing] no fault to [him] for sharing in the universal prejudices of his age and religion.” Rebecca is very unusual among Romantic heroines from the long 18th century in that her love goes unrequited. She may meet the type’s standards of perfection notwithstanding her Jewishness, but ultimately she cannot escape its limitations to claim her full literary-generic inheritance, the hero’s adoration. Happily ever after goes to the less deserving Rowena, and Ivanhoe only has the decency to recall Rebecca’s beauty and magnanimity “more frequently than [Rowena] might altogether have approved.” Rebecca must withdraw and devote her life to God. In this genre, there is no such thing as second love, and that is one of many points on which the narrator remains silent.

[onceland]

Fairy tale ending: Inside the magical Once Upon a Time series finale

To read more scoop on this year’s season finales, pick up the new issue of Entertainment Weekly on stands Friday, or buy it here now. Don’t forget to subscribe for more exclusive interviews and photos, only in EW.

“Oh, man, I’m fired. Guys, I think this might be my last day!” Once Upon a Time is in its final days of production, and Ginnifer Goodwin is feeling particularly punchy after flubbing a line during a pivotal scene. Her Snow White stands before our beloved heroes at a massive war-room table, giving a rousing speech about hope as it seems all but lost. A great evil threatens to steal their happy endings once and for all — if it sounds like a moment from the pilot, there’s a reason for that. As actress Jennifer Morrison puts it, “The heartbeat of the show has always been hope.”

Despite being the brainchild of Lost writers Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis, Once’s premise — Snow White and Prince Charming’s (Josh Dallas) daughter Emma Swan (Morrison) returns after 28 years to rescue a variety of legendary literary characters, like Jiminy Cricket (Raphael Sbarge) and Little Red Riding Hood (Meghan Ory), from the Evil Queen’s (Lana Parrilla) dark curse — seemed a lot to swallow when the series launched in 2011, and many critics expected the fairy-tale mash-up to fail.

Instead, OUAT went on to become one of ABC’s top performers, bewitching audiences with emotionally grounded and relatable stories that resonated with adults and children alike for seven seasons. “Even though it’s about fairy-tale characters, the writers have written [the show] in such a way that really goes to the heart of everybody,” says Colin O’Donoghue, who joined the show in season 2 as Captain Hook. “That’s hopefully where it will endure.”

Part of the show’s initial appeal was the OUAT bosses immediately bucking age-old expectations, setting a game-changing tone of female empowerment with a very simple, if not monumental moment in the pilot: sticking a sword in the hand of Disney princess Snow White. “When we wrote it, we didn’t realize,” Kitsis says. “We wanted her to pull a sword and not be a damsel in distress, and that is what people respect about Snow White — she’s a fearless warrior for good.”

“At the time that we made the pilot, no one was doing anything like this,” says Goodwin. “Honestly, these guys wrote a truly female-driven show. It was instrumental then in my choosing to take the part.” Goodwin notes OUAT’s female-forward approach was also used behind the scenes — she was No. 1 on the call sheet for years until Parrilla took the top spot in season 7. “I hope that Once is remembered as being groundbreaking, that it’s remembered as being representative of the strongest kinds of complex and beautiful women.”

That was never more apparent than with the character of Regina Mills. She started out as the show’s ultimate villain, unleashing a curse that trapped everyone in a land without magic, where Regina could live out her own personal happy ending. But it was one that turned out to be anything but happy, evolving into a Groundhog Day-like prison of her own making until she adopted Henry (Jared Gilrmore), eventually leading to the arrival of Emma Swan, who went on to wake the cursed characters.

Slowly, but surely, Regina conquered her own demons, becoming not just an ally to the Charmings, but family. “Regina is a very hopeful character because she’s so flawed and complex,” says Parrilla. “Following Regina’s journey over the years, we’ve seen that she’s made some mistakes, but she picks herself back up. I think she’s an inspiration to many, including myself; I’ve learned so much from her.”

Aside from its compelling leads, the show’s fortitude also stemmed from its ability to reinvent itself from season to season, sometimes multiple times within. The Onceuniverse expanded into a playground sandbox where characters like Aladdin (Deniz Akdeniz) and Belle (Emilie de Ravin) could cross paths with Tinker Bell (Rose McIver), the Wicked Witch (Rebecca Mader) or Dr. Frankenstein (David Anders). The show even birthed a short-lived Wonderland-set spin-off.

The biggest reboot came last year when — after the exits of six major cast members — Parilla, O’Donoghue, and Robert Carlyle (as Rumplestiltskin) were left to take center stage alongside Andrew J. West as an older version of Henry (Jared Gilmore), Dania Ramirez as a new iteration of Cinderella, and Rose Reynolds as Wish Realm Hook’s daughter Alice. But audiences waned without the original cast, seemingly losing hope at the worst possible time. “It makes me sad that something so positive on television is being taken off the air when we need it most,” says Parrilla. “It breaks my heart.”

Even the characters of Once may come to lose hope as the series heads into its final episodes. Despite developments in Hyperion Heights that could signal a brighter tomorrow, an unleashed villain intends to follow through with a dangerous plan, the painful effects of which would be felt by our cherished characters for eternity. “I would definitely say the last episode is as epic as probably any episode that Once Upon a Time has ever done,” O’Donoghue teases. “It’s like taking the best of all seasons and jamming it into one — literally.” West concurs: “The finale is maybe the single most massive episode that the show has ever done. And I mean that in all sincerity.”

Though their future may look bleak, Snow White would (and does) tell our heroes to keep hope alive, a notion Morrison attributes to why the show “had such a strong connection with the audience.” It didn’t hurt that the show launched in a time when social media allowed fans to share in the characters’ experience, cheer their triumphs, and criticize their missteps in real time, creating a community of fans who have cemented a strong bond over the years. “It’s brought a lot of people together that maybe never felt seen,” says Mader, who joined the show’s ranks in season 3. “These people will now be friends forever, because of a TV show that we made — that’s really special.”

For some, it’s much more than that; the mark that OUAT has left is indelible. “There’s been a couple of times where people have said that they were so desperately alone that they’ve considered taking their own lives,” O’Donoghue says. “Through the show, they’ve met other people who felt the same way and realized they’re not alone. That blows me away.”

Sometimes, even the OUAT actors can forget how much the show has affected fans, something season 7 addition Reynolds learned while filming the final episodes. “It didn’t really hit me, the impact of this show, until I went to Steveston,” says Reynolds of the real-life Storybrooke set that the show will return to before series end. “We had people coming out to see it, and even just being on the street I saw in the pilot, that is when it really hit home for me that this is a big deal and this show is epic. Working with [returning stars] Ginny and Josh as well has hammered that home even more.”

Though the Once bosses depicted their originally planned ending in the season 6 finale, they have cooked up a particularly magical final chapter that brings the show back to the beginning in a number of ways — keep your eyes peeled, as there are Easter eggs galore. “The pitch for the whole show was ‘What would a world look like in which the Evil Queen got her happy ending?’ I feel that we’ve finally figured out what that would look like,” says Goodwin, just one of the season 6 departures who returns for the finale. (Read who else is returning here.) “We saved Regina’s happy ending for the end,” says Kitsis. “Her journey has really been watching somebody confront the demons within and emerge on the other side a better person.”

“I know everyone’s been waiting for Regina’s happy ending and no one really could define what that is, and no one really knew what it was going to look like, and nor did I,” Parrilla says. “Once Robin died, it was really hard to foresee another love in her life. But I’m happy with where her happy ending is at.” Parrilla remains coy about the specifics of Regina’s happily-ever-after, only teasing that it takes place “in the same location” as the opening of the pilot.

O’Donoghue, meanwhile, offers that Hook’s fate is intrinsically tied to Rumple’s. “I remember thinking [the ending] was just such an amazing way for this relationship that Bobby and I have invested in over six seasons,” O’Donoghue says. “It’s been so integral to both of our characters, so I thought it was a really beautiful moment and very, very important to me for that to be the happy ending for Hook.”

The notion of happy endings has been vital to the success of the show, particularly Once’s central message that no matter who you are as a person, good or evil, everyone deserves a happy ending — all three of this year’s legacy characters initially entered the show as villains. “It’s so important to send that message,” says Dallas, “particularly in this day and age, when we have so much negative in the world, and to know that you do have a second chance, that you can have redemption, is super-powerful.”

But the question remains whether Once will get a second chance in the future, someday joining the pantheon of shows getting the reboot or revival treatment. “Look, you never say never, but for now this is our ending and the end of this show for us,” says Horowitz. “But if in the future something else happens with the show, we’ll be excited to see what that is.”

Once Upon a Time’s series finale will air over two weeks, starting Friday, May 11, and concluding Friday, May 18, at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.

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