#So here's hoping the prosthetic hand sticks! Even if it doesn't I'm still surprised how long it's lasted!

[angstandhappiness]

Interesting

Please pray for Bruce, because I remember Batman Universe, where Bruce got an unstable White Lantern ring that basically trapped him inside it but still gave him Lantern powers and Dick Grayson's immediate response was, "Hey, do I get one?" AND NOW HE HAS A SECOND CHILD WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE, "Your false hand is smoking and it's super strong, I bet it can do other cool stuff, I WANT ONE." CRYING, BRUCE'S KIDS ARE PURE CHAOS, HELP HIM.

[anon-e-has-a-tmblr]

5 years.

So much has changed in these 5 years that has passed. On ine hand it's been a long time but on the other, it feels like it always was like that.

Since I haven't spoken at all about in the recent years, and given a lot of people are now runing into the shenanigans I cause, I guess a recap is a good thing. Yknow, reflecting on years past, what changed and what stayed the same, and of course - what I did and what I'm yet to do. All under the cut

All physical changes that could have happened occured within the first 6 months. Even though I was shaving before for a while, within a month enough facial hair was growing on my cheeks that I actually felt like I should be shaving. However, quickly I discovered that I actually like having a beard, so coupled with lockdown laziness I just stopped shaving. Fat redistribution I noticed a bit later, when I decided that daily walks would be a good thing for my health and sanity. This realization came to me when I saw that my (back then) new trousers fit me better, whereas the couple of pairs I had since my days in the army were falling off me.

The mental changes, as much as you can call them that, happened seemingly overnight. The first thing I noticed was a burst of energy, I no longer was fighting to get up, and I could keep going for longer before I felt like I jeeded to rest. One thing that I'm glad that never happened was, a burst in uncontrolled emotions. I feared, that since during my teenage years I was so emotionally unstable and having bursts of unccontrolled rage, secind puberty will cause a resurgence of that destructive rage. And to my pleasant surprise - I felt a sense of calmness and content. A feeling of everything being just right, all things considered. And that feeling surprised me.

I also had a sudden burst of hunger, but that's expected with all types of HRT, and within a couple of months it resolved itself.

As of medical intervention beyond medication, I only underwent top surgery. In my case, this was a 2-in-1 deal: conplete double mastectamy, chest reconstruction surgery with a nipple graft. In my case, the doctors werent sure my nipple would survive, and I was mentally prepared to have a 3D tattoo of them in case they don't. Thankfully jot only they survived, I had full sensations and almost full function merely 3 weeks after the surgery. And as a bonus, their color changed to a healthy pink, which is only a bonus. I did have 1 complication, a very common one in all torso surgeries, and it is a gaping of the insitions. I had the gape under my left armpit, and it took about 6 weeks to close fully. It thankfully never got infected, and since I was covering it with a clean gasa and using an antibiotic cream as long as the doctors told me, I didn't have any further comolications. Pain-wise, my entire recovery was somehqat painless. Partially because of my rediculously-high pain tolerance, and partially because it just so happened to not be as painful. Feeling how the whole area is draining was very vile though. Do not recommend lol

As of bottom surgery: although I do have bottom dysohoria, for now I don't olan on getting one. Not only we don't do it here, it costs os much koney and has so many complications, and at the end of the day it wont give me the ability to have biological kids. So for now I stick with silicon prosthetics and hope they dont fall off xD

In my personal life, I finished my degree and got a driving license, on a motorcycle after learning the hard way that I can't physically drive a car. My ankle just doesn't aprove of such activities. I'm still yet to start working full time as an archaeologist, but that's entirely due to the places that employ archaeologists not recuiting new workers at this time. And I know I'm not the only archaeologist stuck in this madness. So for now, I work where I live, doing my best to not overwork and also have a little bit of time for myself and my hobbies.

In these past 5 years I also became more religious. After top surgery I felt like I'm ready to enter community life as a man, only to be faced with a religious dilema that cannot be solved, yet. So far, I have found only 1 person even talking about people like me with more than just "yall are heretics who are blasphemous for even trying to be a part of the religious community", and he only gave his opinion that there might be an answer. A different source that I did read (despite being targetted towards married people only) says that in some cases, just lying about your transition is the best course of action, but even then there are some stuff that I will never be able to do. And I'm fine with that. And because of this religious debuckle I'm hesitating to go on dates and eventually find a spouce.

Here's hoping for 5 more years of prosperity, and beyond that - god is greacious, so much can change and I just flow with what's given to me.

And I promise, I will find a religious answer to this entire situation. There must be. I'm not the only one, despite our small numbers we are enough to have at least an akgnowledgement that we exsist. And even if it takes me a lifetime, I WILL find a concrete answers, whatever that may be. And no, "there is no answer" is unacceptable.