#So I can go insane for a few months and put way too much money and effort into

[solradguy]

Guilty Gear

[angelyuji]

Can you do Dub-con of a video game collector f reader x yan giffany?

you had started collecting old video games as soon you had enough money to buy games. your whole life, all you had was the comfort of video games. whether its a otome or a pvp or an arcade game, you loved them all. so on a regular hunt after work, you were surprised to stumble on a cute little game you don’t remember buying.

tw // yandere themes, non to dubcon, female reader, sexual content (under the cut!!), murder

18+!!!!!! minors dni!!!

“yeah, i know! the asshole said, and i quote, “i don’t expect much from women” so i told him to fuck off and broke up with him.” you press your phone between your ear and shoulder as you struggle to open the door with your handful of groceries. you were recounting to your friend how you broke up with your boyfriend last weekend.

“thank goddd, i hated him so much. you deserve someone better, (y/n).” your friend’s voice filters through the phone.

“i guess, it's just-.” you huff as you finally push your door open, just for everything in your hands to tumble down. “SHIT.” you stumble, trying to avoid crushing the games. your phone tumbles to the floor and you hear your friend call out, worried.

you stand over the mess, exhausted. you crouch down, snatching your phone up, “ugh, yeah i’m fine. everything-” your eyes flick over to a pink cover. “what the hell?” you hear them ask if you’re okay, “yeah, i’m fine. i think i accidentally stole a game… yeah something called ‘Romance Academy 7’,” you turn it over and read the back, “i guess it’s an old dating sim.” you were silent as you read the back of the disc case. “hey, i’ll call you back.” you hang up before they can respond. like a trance, you move to your computer and insert the disc.

the opening theme plays and a girl pops up on screen, “hi!! im .Giffany and welcome to Romance Academy 7, where you learn to be a LOVE WARRIOR!" in just a few words, you were enchanted.

you've been playing the dating sim for a month straight. you found comfort in your fictional girlfriend, especially with the awful partners you've had lately.

"welcome home, (y/n)!" you plop down onto your chair, exhausted. “i’m so glad you’re back! i’ve missed you!” her eyes twinkled at the sight of you.

"glad to be back to you, giff. i’ve missed you too." you smile, hearing her bright giggle. she asks you about work and the rest of the day goes by quick.

you had been taking a quick break to make dinner when your friend calls you.

"heyyyy, it's been like a month since we talked? what the hell?"

"hey, sorry, i've been playing that game i told you about." you stir and put your phone on speaker as you continue. "do you remember? Romance Academy 7? the romance option is this girl named giffany, she's so sweet and kind. it's been so nice having someone care for me, you know?" you feel yourself smile, thinking about her.

"(y/n).... there is no way you're falling in love with a character in a video game... you did not ghost me for a week because of a couple lines of code." their voice sounded disappointed and you feel an ounce of shame.

“wait, hear me out-”

they cut you off, “no. no. absolutely not. you're coming with me tonight, we're gonna have fun and get you to meet some people cause this is... insane." you relent and agree to go out at their tone.

"(y/n)?" you hear a computerized voice coming from your room. confused, you go to your room to see the game open. before you could respond, "what is your friend talking about, my girlfriend?"

"we're going out." you try to be apologetic, but stand firm. you close the game before she could respond.

as you dress, you hear .GIFfany's voice again, "where are you going, baby?" your blood runs cold.

"i thought i closed... whatever." you mumble and move to your computer.

"my (y/n), why are you so dressed up? who are you dressing like this for?" you could hear annoyance in her voice. you hear your friend honk as they pull up.

"i'm going out, good night, giffany."

"i don't think that's a good idea, (y/n). and as your girlfriend-"

you cut .GIFfany off, "you're not my girlfriend. you're just a game that i used to pass the time. good-bye." you quickly close the game before you could hear her response.

as the night goes on, your friend leaves. you pay for an uber, but stay out, relieved to have fun. you feel someone’s arms wrap around your waist and you jump, ready to scream, when you see pink, almost pixelated, pigtails. “giffany?” your heart stops.

“(y/n)!! i’m here now! you don’t have to leave me.” her smile was practically blinding and some people surround you, asking about your girlfriend. you stutter, unsure how to explain how a game came to life. giffany pulls you outside and pushes you against the wall. her mouth was on yours before you could speak. her body was hot and you felt yourself melt as her teeth bit into your lower lip.

you feel her thigh push between your legs, panicking, you push her off. she pouts.

“how-how are you here?” you reach out and touch her warm skin.

“it doesn’t matter how i got here,” she smiles, “all that matters is that i love you and that you love me.” she tries to kiss you again, eager to pull you close, but you stop her.

“i need to know, giffany.”

she sighs, “i can show you, but you’ll get scared.” she turns to walk, but pauses. “will you promise you won’t leave me?” you hesitate, and her face changes. her scream tore into your head like an old computer screeching, “PROMISE ME.”

you drop to your knees, clutching your ears, stomach turning, “i promise! i promise!” she giggles and with a gentle hand on your arm, she helps you up, pressing a kiss against your cheek.

she leads you back home, excitedly bouncing around. as you walk into your dark home, the smell of leather burning hits first. she leads you to your gaming room, and the stench gets stronger. as she flips the lights on, you cover your nose, unable to breathe. your eyes adjust to the light and you see a burnt corpse laying on the carpet floor, hand clutching a cord connected to your pc. you gasp, stumbling back, clutching your stomach. the charred corpse looked eerily similar to your friend. GIFfany paid no mind to your reaction. you couldn’t hold in your disgust, a sob tearing through you as you turned to run. her hand snaps out and grabs your arm, stopping you. “i had to do it, babe! they were trying to pull my cord.” she pouts at your horrified face.

you pull, “i-i need to get out of here. you-you’re SICK.” you try to rip your arm from her, but her grip tightens.

her voice was low, “you promised.”

“you killed my friend.” you sob.

“you promised me you wouldn’t leave.” she looks at you, her eyes dark. the lightbulb above you bursts and the smell of burning flesh gets stronger, fear courses through your veins.

“i-im sorry, i’m sorry, i just got scared.” you try to placate her.

GIFfany smiles, “i told you that you’d get scared, silly.” she boops your nose and pulls you out of the room. you feel yourself get dragged to the bedroom, freeing you from the stench of the burnt corpse of your closest friend. she pushes you down onto the bed and straddles your waist. “my pretty girlfriend,” Giffany’s hands pull down your dress, “gosh they’re even prettier in person.” she unclips your bra and you let her, afraid of what she’ll do if you don’t listen. she licks her lips, “(y/n), tell me what you want.”

“w-what?” you choke out, feeling her very hot, very real, body on top of you.

“i’ve only ever seen this stuff in the videos you watch,” you feel your face heat up, “tell me what you’d like me to do. i want to make my girlfriend feel good.” she moves down to sit between your legs. unconsciously, you move them apart to give her space.

you swallow, “maybe…” you move slow, trying not to spook her, and roll up your dress to scrunch at your waist. “maybe you can,” she lets you grab her hand and press it against your panties. with one touch, she’s sending shivers down your spine.

she moves your panties to the side to press her thumb against your clit, a warmth stirs in your lower belly and you whine. “does that feel good, my pretty girl?” her sweet voice whispers, eager to hear more of your sounds. you nod, quiet groan escaping your mouth as she starts to rub your clit. “gosh, i can see your cute little hole twitching, (y/n). are you that eager for me to fuck you?” shes grinning from ear to ear, hearing you moan as she rubs faster. you try to shake your head, but she stops.

“no! no, please, giff, i’m sorry. please i need you.” you beg, pushing your hips back against her hand.

you hear her giggle, “since you asked so nicely.” immediately you felt two fingers push into you, you choke on your moan at the intrusion, she thrusts fast and you’re close to coming undone as she starts to rub your clit with the other hand. she lets you ride her hand, watching you with eyes filled with desire.

you feel the cord snap as one final wet thrust brings you over the edge. you moan and giffany leans over, trapping your lips in a wet kiss. you pant and she takes her fingers out, opening and closing them to watch your wetness drip down her fingers. before you could tell her to stop, she brings her fingers to her mouth to suck them clean. she moans, “you taste so sweet… i’ve never tasted anything so good.” her eyes drift back down to your cunt and you see a twinkle in her eyes, “i wonder how good it tastes straight from the source.”

[artdcnaldson]

Consider: you're a close friend of Tashi's from stanford and you'd drifted apart after the injury. You vaguely recognize Patrick at a bar and decide to go home with him despite not... Really remembering where you knew him from. This becomes a semi regular hookup. Until...

You get pregnant. You try calling him but it's not like he picks up. And you'll be damned if you beg for help from any man, especially Patrick fucking Zweig. So ... Maybe it's a bit spiteful. You could've included that important detail in any of your voicemails.

You have a girl. Victoria. (Ricky for short. Yeah it's corny but hey. You're a single mom. You get the right to feel however you want about the situation.) You try not to be bitter - even when you start seeing news that the three of them are together again and you're... SOL.

There's a kids tennis day camp nearby. Shed seemed interested and it gave you some free time. Ricky's 6 now, just a couple years younger than Lily. You show up to pick her up, all sunglasses and tight ponytail and cool ease when you see a girl with the same eyes as your college best friend clinging to your baby girls hand with two men walking behind a bit awkwardly.

What were you going to say now?

This actually makes me insane like hbngngnggg also changed the daughter’s name one fraction ok i think it makes sense tho

Patrick was getting too attached— 24 years old, in his prime, and he didn’t want to tie himself down to someone. He stopped picking up your calls and fucked his way through the eastern seaboard— far away from you so he could get you out of his mind.

A little over a month after he started ignoring you, he got a text.

hey. can you call me?

And he was mean. He knew it was mean, because he saw the message come in and he felt a fondness. And he wasn’t sure if he missed your pussy, or if he missed you. He knew he longed for conversations with you, the way you’d mindlessly trace whorls over his back and talk about the day, ask about things he liked, his childhood, fond memories, tell him some of your own. It came too easy, the most natural thing he’d felt since Art, since Tashi, so he got out. He stayed out.

who is this lol

You don’t text back. He doesn’t see you again for seven years, but you don’t stop seeing him. Partially, you see him in your daughter, in her personality, in her eyes, in her crooked smile, in her ears. It always struck you as funny, the way genetics picks and chooses things like that.

It wasn’t just her�� it was your incessant need to know about him. You kept up with his ranking, watched a few of his matches after Ricky goes to sleep and you have the TV to yourself. It was just like that for a while— his rank would dip, it would rise, but he stayed relatively stagnant.

Until New Rochelle. You watched the match live with Ricky, because she had developed a persistent interest in the sport since she’d learned about it in P.E.. A month prior. After the match, after the insanity of the tie break, when Patrick wins, Ricky asks for you to please put her in lessons.

You start small— a local thing at the YMCA. She takes to it like a duck to water. Fucking genetics, if that was even how it worked. You start working your way up, wind up paying a ridiculous amount of money for a fancy tennis camp just because she loves it so much. You show up a couple minutes late for pick up a few weeks in and Ricky runs up to you with a friend in tow.

“Can Lily go to lunch?”

You crouch down and push your sunglasses atop your head, smiling fondly at your daughter. “I dunno, baby… does Lily want to go to lunch?”

“My dad and Uncle Patrick already said yes,” Lily supplies, gesturing behind her.

And fuck, of fucking course. You stand, sweep invisible dirt off of your legs and look at Patrick Zweig in person for the first time since, what? 2012? He looks good, of fucking course he does. You’d seen him during matches, but normal clothes look good on him. It pisses you off.

“You know you just agreed to Chuck E Cheese, right?” You say in lieu of a greeting, omitting awkward pleasantries with Art and Patrick. Maybe Art at least deserved a hello, congratulations on retirement, on the US Open, but the asshole standing beside him was all you could focus on. “I take Ricky after tennis lessons.”

“You have a kid,” Patrick says, not a question, just a statement of fact. You nod, swallowing down irritation. Your luck was so fucking bad. “And she’s…”

You sigh. “She's turning seven in a few months,” you supply. He swallows, nods, does the math in his head

Chuck E Cheese is hell. You remembered liking it as a kid, having your fifth birthday there and being scared of the animatronics. But they got rid of the animatronics, and made the mascot in question creepy and skinny and all but one skeeball machine is out of order. But you play anyway, leave Art and Patrick at the table as soon as the girls get up.

Patrick finds you, sidles up so close it’s like he has no sense of personal space. “She’s mine?”

You huff in annoyance, flub your roll down the skeeball lane. 0 points. What you want to say is something along the lines of, what the fuck do you think? But you remember where you are, sigh, and try your best to censor yourself. “Yes. Biologically, she's all yours.”

He fucking groans, swears under his breath, paces a bit behind you as you ignore him and keep playing. You toss another skeeball down the lane, then another, and the timer runs out before he speaks again.

“You didn’t think maybe you should tell me anytime in the past seven years?” He finally says, He grabs your arm, his hands warm and big and exactly like you remembered.

“I thought I should,” you reply, as casually as you can as all of the hurt and frustration and resentment rears its ugly head. “But you lost my fucking number within the same week that you ditched the west coast for wherever the fuck you went. I called you— over and over. You were the one that never picked up.”

He huffs in annoyance. “You could’ve left a message. Something. I deserved to know that I had a fucking kid running around.”

Ricky darts by, steals your hard earned skeeball tickets from the machine, and runs off giggling like a maniac. You smile fondly and pocket your game card. You turn to Patrick and let the expression fall back into something cold and stern. “I disagree. And I think it’s best if Ricky doesn’t find out.”

He grabs your arm, pulls you closer. “You fucking named her after me,” he practically growls in your ear. You clench your jaw and look away. “She’s never asked who I am? Never wondered about her dad?”

You pull your arm away and glare. You’re sure you look like two divorced parents trying and failing to play nice for their kids’ sake. It honestly amuses you a bit— you might have laughed about it if you were with anyone else. “One, her name is Veronica, okay? Ricky’s a nickname. Two, yes, of course she wonders. She’s a kid. Kids ask questions. You should know that Uncle Patrick.”

“Shut the fuck up,” he mutters, an annoyed smile twitching at the corner of his lips. “I’m living with Tashi and Art. Tashi’s coaching me this season.”

You laugh wryly and start to walk back towards the table. “I didn’t ask.”

“Yeah, but you want to make bitchy fucking comments, don’t you?”

You roll your eyes and brush past him. “Fuck off, Patrick.”

But you can't deny it. As you sit at the table and watch Patrick get roped into some game hacking scheme by Lily, as Ricky stands to the side and watches with wide, interested eyes, that you feel a twinge of... something.

When Ricky comes back to the table with a large plushie she got from the prize counter and happily says that man helped her win it. When Patrick smiles fondly down at her and steals crusts from Lily's plate. Maybe you don't have to hold him to a seven year grudge. Maybe you could let him back in.

Not for your sake, of course. Clearly that would be a bad idea. A horrible idea.

But for your daughter? Maybe you could just reap the benefits.

[evilkaeya]

Sai!! what are YOUR ada chuuya hcs?

Ohh this is going to be a long post so hold tight. Here are some of my hcs on ada chuuya based on asgr's idea (chuuya deflects with dazai)

> When they first join, they refuse to be partnered with anyone else in the agency. Despite claiming to hate each other it's clear that they share an unbreakable trust. They're not really inseparable, but they're always in each other's orbit. Both have a wall built around themselves but are also confined within a wall together, haunted by a past they share.

> Every mission they're sent to ends in success but with a cost of some destruction and agency money. Fukuzawa let's them be.

> Ranpo is the one Chuuya is most wary of at first. He's a genius on an equal footing of Dazai, if not a step ahead of him. Ranpo seemed to know too much and Chuuya hates it. Until the detective tells him, "People are built of both truths and lies, you know. I can tell both, but it's up to you how you're going to build yourself, and there isn't much to see for me beyond that." Chuuya held onto those words, feeling like he was truly given a chance to find himself, for himself and not for any greater purpose for the first time.

> His first Dazai less mission is with Ranpo, and he's amazed by the detective's ability. Even more amazed by how unprofessional he is, almost to a disrespectful extent. It's a bit like Dazai, but Ranpo doesn’t wear a mask like the other guy.

> So they both learn to trust, bit by bit, and settle right in. Fast forward to a few months later, Chuuya works with Ranpo and Dazai with Kunikida.

> When Atsushi joins, Chuuya is immediately reminded of Akutagawa and how Dazai had treated him. Part of him fears the history to repeat itself, but it doesn't. Dazai takes the kid under his wing and guides him in his own Dazai way, but it's unlike how it was in port mafia. Dazai has changed, and so has he. Maybe they aren't too gone to be saved.

The ghost of the past is still there, but it's not haunting them anymore. It's simply watching from the sideline, fading, as if saying goodbye.

> Chuuya keeps a framed picture of the flags on his desk.

> The girls are very curious about Chuuya's hair care routine, especially Naomi. He's also good at hairstyling and styles Kyouka and Naomi's hair sometimes. Needless to say, he's invited to girls' sleepovers.

> Chuuya is like a big brother to Kenji. They compete on strength, like who can hold the most stuff with one hand and all that. Dazai nullifies his ability mid competition one time, and Chuuya throws him out of the window.

> Kunikida and Chuuya don't get along at first, but they sort of become best friends eventually. One time Kunikida comes back after a mission with Dazai and starts shaking Chuuya.

"How. How did you do it for so long? How did you not go insane?" Chuuya laughs.

> Chuuya is very caring. No matter how much effort he puts into being subtle about it, it's obvious to everyone. He leaves energy drinks on people's desks, carries heat packs with him in winter in case someone needs one, and makes sure everyone has breakfast. The ADA is his family now, he's going to treasure them with everything he has.

> Chuuya stops by Dazai's desk one day and simply says, "Osamu," (cue Dazai snapping out of his doze and nearly hitting his chin on the desk) "thanks, for not leaving me behind." And he fucking leaves, bolts away almost, face hidden by hair but Dazai can tell he's trying to hide tears. But that aside, he still hasn't gotten over Chuuya calling him by first name.

("Ne Dazai, can you stop smiling by yourself like that? It's creeping me out." "Ranpo san, I think I'm in love with Chuuya." "Congrats, you're the last person in the agency to figure it out.")

[seat-safety-switch]

Budgeting is one of those challenges we all have. No matter how rich you are, there is a fixed amount of money you can lay claim to. There's probably more things you want to buy with that money than you can afford. And there's a lot of lame, boring things you have to buy, like electricity and toilets. So you need to budget, to make sure that you don't accidentally impulse-purchase yourself into the poorhouse. Is having a working third gear in your truck really worth eating dumpster-dove Spam for a few weeks? Putting it down on paper will help you decide.

In times long past, this was a lot easier to do. You could physically see your money, and then stuff some of that money into your mattress. Back then there wasn't as much stuff to spend it on, too. Just booze and horses, and gambling was limited to how many of your neighbours wanted to play cards. Nowadays, at all hours of the night, a holographic anime maiden will invisibly reach her impossibly long fingers into your virtual wallet under the pretence of "just hanging out," and use your hard-earned dosh to play the slots in a country whose name you can't pronounce.

Budgeting had to advance with the times. Of course, the banks certainly aren't going to help you. They want you to spend way too much, so they can then sign you up for fancy products and charge you interest rates and user fees. That's why I started a new kind of bank. It's called SwitchBanc® and it is important to understand that the spelling is legally distinct in this country from the actual word "bank," for reasons that my attorney will disclose to you upon request.

Here's how it works: we hold on to all of your money, and we spend it for you. Sure, some months you might not get anything, other than a little note saying "we had to buy the cheap oranges again." And then, out of the blue, you'll get that Super T-10 you were dreaming of, with the straight-cut gears and the monster-short final drive to help make that quarter mile. Sure, it's not a five-speed, but our team of experts and complex mathematical analysis have proven that you were just going to keep it in fourth most of the time anyway. Importantly, you never have to worry: we'll take care of it on your behalf.

Of course, this service can't be provided for free. All those actuaries and shit cost money, not to mention their dorky little green visors and our insanely expensive advertising campaign. So once in awhile, we're going to dip into your money for something we want. As a treat, really, we deserve it after working so hard for you. Say, have you seen the brand new 5-speed Tremec TR3650 in my truck? I really had to save up for it.

[sardonic-the-writer]

Nacho X reader. Please

Nacho flirting with a customer at his father's shop. Him leaning over the counter to get close.

aAAArgHHHouhhh going insane over this

Dropplets of sweat were dripping down the tip of his nose.

The beams of hot New Mexico sun spared no expenses today, even indoors where walls of brick and plaster would normally provide some sort of shelter. And it was only growing hotter from what Nacho could tell.

Many of the employees both inside and outside had unbuttoned the first couple levels of their work uniform down to expose their chest to the rare breeze that would bless them. That wasn't limited to Nacho Varga, the lone man currently occupying a wooden front desk, whose golden chain bounced against his chest if he sat down too quick.

A slow trickle of perspiration on his skin made Nacho itch to rub it off. But be sighed softly, continuing to thumb through a stack of twenties in his hand.

"Here you go, sir." The sound of a register opening and change clanking ripped through the not so silent shop as he took out a few ones in exchange for placing the twenties in the box. "Have a nice day." He offered a faint smile while holding out the extra money, palms turned up toward the sky.

The man who has been standing opposite of him across the counter for the past couple minutes offered a grunt and nod of his head, turning to walk out the glass double doors behind him. Probably to his newly repaired car; curtosy of Nacho's Papa.

Nacho sighed, finally taking a moment to wipe the back of his hand over his face, only to bring it back coated in a shean of sweat. He frowned. He had been meaning to get around to looking at the lobbys air conditioning, but simply hadn't found the time. Balancing two different jobs wasn't always easy and for more reasons than one. He tried not to think about that too much when he was at his Papa's shop. Still. That didn't change the fact that this place would start feeling more and more like an oven if he didn't take a look at the metal box sometime soon.

Eventually Nacho caved. He wasn't one to put things off a lot. And it didn't seem like any customers would be stopping by for a moment.

The quiet man disappeared to the back for a quick bout of silence only to emerge seconds later lugging a six foot ladder behind him like it was nothing. He was careful to keep it a ways of the ground before setting it down with a clank, keeping in mind the freshly waxed floor that his father had stayed out late doing last month.

Quick work was made of the activity. Just a few twists of a screwdriver, poking his head around to try and see what was going on, and reassuring his dad at one point that he would be okay standing on a ladder without anyone to hold it for him.

He was hoping that he could go the evening without anyone walking in, maybe moving on from the air conditioner (which had thankfully started working again after a couple hits to the side) to fixing a few other things around the place. Something that he knew his dad would appreciate.

Clearly that wasn't going to happen though. At least not in that moment.

Cool gusts of wind blew across Nacho's back, accompanying the ones in his face from the air conditioner as he screwed the top of it back in place. Shuffling behind him and the jingling of car keys told him that someone had entered—most likely to pay for a part they needed or some repairs.

"I'll be with you in a moment." He called out over his shoulder, voice as soft as always. No one answered him back—not that he expected them to. People tended to mind their own business around here.

Still. Nacho hurried to get back behind the counter.

You really wished you had listened to your last mechanic about buying a new car.

According to the stout man that had been assigned to fix up your rust bucket, you were just better off hurting an entirely new car at this point.

"I don't know if I could even do anything more but waste your time." The gruff man had said through a bushy mustache. "I can give you the address to another shop just across town that could handle this make and model better, but really, you're just better selling it for parts."

You'd taken the small card with the adress on it anyway, thanking him with a sigh before paying for the little bit they had been able to do.

He wasn't entirely wrong by saying those things to be fair. Unable to buy even the smallest of things beyond groceries in your fruitless quest for a decent paying job, you had been stuck driving the same blue colored tin can everywhere ever since you were sixteen. Not that you really minded. The only time it gave you trouble was when a road had one too many potholes. Most of the time people would come up with excuses to have ride in their own car anyways, not particularly enthusiastic to strap themselves down into the confines of your vehicle.

At least it smelled nice and was clean enough. You hoped that the people at this other dealership would give you some brownie points for that.

The employees had been nice enough upon you pulling in, if looking a little bored. And sweaty. Not that you could blame them—you had felt the blast of heat in stepping out of your car.

One had met you, shaking your hand firmly as you explained why you were there. From the way he ordered the people around your car to pull it around the back, you could only assume he was the owner. Or at least a manager. Nonetheless, he seemed nice enough.

"Ah Emelio needs to stop sending people here." The scruffy man had barked out a laugh as he released his grip on your hand. "He's going to start running out of clients! More for me and my mijo, I suppose."

You had politely smiled your way through a few more minutes of conversation until he gave you the instructions to the cash register, along with what you might have to pay for. (According to him, you were lucky that he even had enough parts laying around to upgrade your car, much less fix it.)

So you had walked into the small looking building sat smack dab on the drab premises. It wasn't much, but it was good enough considering you were someone who had been driving a car around looking like it had been tossed off Mount Everest

It was cool inside—much to your relief. Looked cozy as well. Had a few worn chairs and a funny color scheme, but you liked it. Seemed more genuine than the stuffy car dealerships sprinkled all around the upper side of town. Where the air felt like you were inhaling febreez stright from the can and the costumer service smiles looked way too fake.

There was a man too. Your neck tilted a little to get a better look, but from his position on a rusty ladder, you weren't able to see much than the back of his uniform.

"I'll be with you in a moment."

His voice was soft, which was a suprise. With broad shoulders like that and—again, from the little they could see—strong arms, he looked like he would have a rough edge to him.

"What can I help you with today?"

You took a second to sweep your eyes across his face, observing the way his jaw clenched when you did so, quickly snapping your eyes away when you noticed. The last thing you needed to do was make someone feel uncomfortable by staring at them. Even if he did have attractive features.

"I was sent here to pay for a tune up, I think? I don't really know but they sent me in here to talk to you."

He hummed, leaning into the counter with his elbows.

"Well, I can try and help you out if you want." The corner of his lips tilted up a little, a small smile blossoming on his face. "I'm Nacho."

"Like the chip?"

Nacho let out a breathy laugh almost inaudible to you, his eyes crinkling at the corners joyfully. You couldn't help but smile back yourself.

"I guess you say that."

"Last name Cheese?"

Another slight chuckle.

"Sure."

He liked the way your eyes shone at him when he leaned toward you. And you liked the way he laughed at your terrible attempts at a joke

Maybe your shitty car wasn't such a bad thing to happen to you after all.

[heyiwrotesomethings]

hiii i came across your page a few months ago, and i really love the way you write these characters!

i was thinking, maybe a part 2 of “scholarships, mary saotome x she/her reader” where it basically goes into the plot of kakegurui twin and the beginning of the canon-verse?

i could imagine the reader and mary becoming friends, though a slight slow burn romance that forms along the way.

Scholarships Prt II

Mary Saotome x She/Her Reader

A/N: PrtI It’s finally done! You’d think revisiting five chapters of manga wouldn’t be that draining, but it took quite a bit of back and forth to get the important bits. Sorry for the wait, hope you enjoy : ) Word Count: 3,371

“What the hell is this?” Mary deadpanned, looking around the heavily crowded room.

From day one of getting into this school it felt like she slipped out of the frying pan and right into the fire. It took everything she had just to stay out of owing someone an insane amount of money. From gambling Kokoro, to joining the Literary Club, and now being mixed up in Student Council and Full Bloom Society affairs. It felt like they could never catch a break, and if they did, it certainly never lasted. Which was what brought them to where they were now, a speed dating, coupling party gamble.

“Coupling…?” Tsuzura placed a hand over her mouth.

“You got to be kidding me!” Yukimi gawked, “How can you go out with a guy you don’t even know?!”

“Right? Is it too late to back out?” (Y/n) asked, even though she already knew the answer.

“Of course we can’t back out.” Mary groaned. “What the hell did Aoi get us into?”

“Hello.”

“Gah!”

Mary put a hand to her heart, (Y/n) put a hand on her back to help steady her.

“Mikura? What are you doing here?” Mary asked.

“Looking for a boyfriend?” (Y/n) guessed.

“Ugh, no. Gross.” Mikura shuddered, “I’m here on school business. This is Juraku-sama’s event.”

“Of course it is,” (Y/n) sighed, “Can’t escape the council for a minute.”

“Anyway,” Mikura looked down at her clipboard, “there are only four of you, correct? I’ll have to introduce you to a fifth. It looks like Chitose would be an easy addition.”

“Hi, that would be me!”

The Literary Club peered around Mikura to the new addition to their group, a girl with a pin-straight bob. She looked friendly enough at least.

“I’ll leave you to get acquainted. The game will begin shortly.” Mikura took her leave and Chitose took the floor.

“Is this all your first time at this event?”

“Yeah, how does this work exactly?” Yukimi asked.

Chitose explained the premise excitedly. Basically, if they matched with a boy, they would have to pay out. If they didn’t match, the boys would have to pay out. Seemed simple enough.

“So, are you guys playing for love, or money?” Chitose asked excitedly.

“The money.” All four girls replied in near perfect unison, causing Chitose’s shoulders to slump.

“Fine…” she sighed, “Let’s get this over with.”

Chitose lead them to the group of boys they had been paired with for the game and the MC for the event a announced the start of the chat period.

Kuonji, Sera, Kochi, Musubi and Kibashira introduced themselves, soon giving the floor to the girls to do the same. Chitose really hammed up her introduction, so much so it was hard to tell if she was acting or not.

Mary decided to talk about running the Literary Club’s gambling den, a safe option, she figured.

“That’s gotta be tough,” Kibashiba acknowledged with a low whistle, “You must like quick-witted guys then, huh?”

“No, not really…”

“Oh, then what kind of guy do you like?”

“Um…” Mary was going to bullshit the boy, say something shallow, but she happened to notice (Y/n) move in her periphery, sifting her position a little, probably in an attempt to be a bit more comfortable during this awkward game. As her thoughts were drawn to (Y/n), her answer morphed.

“Maybe someone honest?” Her face warmed. Why did I tell him the truth?! She fretted internally as Musubi jumped in to ask Tsuzura questions, swooning over the girl’s ability to cook and sew.

“And what about you, (Y/n)-san?” Kochi piped in, “What do you like in a guy?”

Mary’s ears perked and she glanced at (Y/n) through her periphery.

“Well,” (Y/n) rubbed the back of her neck, “I guess I’d like someone who doesn’t leave the people that care about them behind. Someone loyal.”

Mary wasn’t completely aware of it, but her heart skipped a beat. A small, almost victorious-looking smile appeared on her face.

The chat session wrapped up soon after Yukimi’s introduction and the two groups parted ways momentarily for the group discussion period.

“So, about the rules…” Mary began once they were in their own little corner of the room, “A wager wasn’t mentioned, so how does that work exactly?”

“It was on the entry form, didn’t you read it?” Chitose asked.

“We got a separate invite.” Mary explained.

“Ah, well, it’s a million yen per bet.”

The group stiffened. A million yen?! For speed dating?! Aoi was throwing them out to the deep end with this gamble.

“We’ll have to use the dine out discount.” Yukimi said after doing a bit of quick mental math. “It’ll be just enough to cover the cost.”

“What if we just went straight for the sleepover?” Tsuzura asked much too casually.

“Huh?!?!”

“Tsuzura?!”

“What?!”

“It’ll help us save money, right? And if we’re all in the same room, won’t that be super fun?” She gushed, “I haven’t had a sleepover since elementary school!”

“Are you for real right now?” Mary sighed, resting her face against her open palm.

“Oh my sweet summer child…” (Y/n) said sympathetically, not really wanting to burst Tsuzura’s bubble.

Yukimi couldn’t sit by and let the poor girl live in ignorance and whispered what the wager would really mean. (Y/n) and Mary watched in real time as Tsuzura’s face morph from cheerful to frazzled embarrassment in a matter of seconds.

“She really had no idea, huh?” Mary shook her head.

“Poor girl.” (Y/n) concurred.

“Anyway…” Mary cleared her throat, “I think it’ll be in our best interest to avoid making couples in order to make the most money we can. So that means we should all pick different guys to keep the matches down to a minimum. We can do a random draw to decide who “confesses” to who, but I think it’ll be best to make sure Tsuzura doesn’t get matched with Musubi.”

“Yeah, he definitely has a thing for her.” Yukimi chuckled awkwardly while (Y/n) was still trying to calm the girl down after the whole “sleepover” misunderstanding.

“Any other ideas?” Mary asked.

Chitose eagerly rose her hand, hoping to be paired with Kuonji and getting all blush and lovestruck just thinking about the prospect.

Mary shared a look with (Y/n) who shrugged her shoulders.

“Uh… yeah, sure.” Mary jolted the note down and then turned the paper around, showing how the “confessions” should work out. “Anyone got a problem with this set-up?”

“Nope.” The rest agreed.

As they began walking back to their table, Mary pinched the fabric of (Y/n)‘s jacket to keep her back.

“(Y/n),” she spoke in a low tone, “the two of us will switch confession targets.”

“Huh, why?”

“There is one flaw with this plan, that being spreading out like this could lead to trouble if there is a mole in our group.”

“A mole?” (Y/n) repeated in a harsh whisper. “You think someone could be working with the guys?”

“Exactly.”

“Then it would clearly be Chitose, wouldn’t it? Shouldn’t we let Tsuzura and Yuikimi-senpai in on the plan too?”

Mary shook her head, “I don’t trust Yuikimi-san yet and I don’t want to stress Tsuzura out.”

“I don’t think it’s necessary to exclude her. She can handle it.“ (Y/n) tried to dissuade.

“We can’t hesitate now. If we want to win, we have to consider every possibility.” Mary stuck to her guns, getting closer and resting a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “We’re going to come out on top, we’re going to be the winners! We’re going to show these rich bastards what for, right?” She gave her a confident smile that made (Y/n)’s heart speed up.

“Right!” (Y/n) nodded resolutely, matching Mary’s competitive smile.

“Then let’s win this so we can rub it in Aoi’s face.”

The duo rejoined their group and all circled their agreed upon targets on the submission forms, except for Mary and (Y/n) of course who switched their targets, making Mary’s target Kibashira and (Y/n)’s Sera. After everything was squared away, they all sat across the table from the boys, each offering up a dinning out bonus to meet the betting requirements. They each confessed to their targets and there was a bit of an upset when Yuikimi and Tsuzura heard that Mary and (Y/n) switched targets, but that was nothing compared to the upset that occurred when it was the boys’ turn to reciprocate or reject… that’s when things started to get messy.

One after the other, instead of falling through, the couplings were perfect matches. Though unfortunate, it was exactly what Mary had anticipated. What she hadn’t anticipated however, was for her and (Y/n)’s targets to match them as well.

“No…” (Y/n) sunk in her chair, joining Yuikimi and Tsuzura’s anxious expressions. “It’s impossible. Everyone?”

“Congratulations.” Mikura drawled, “Five couples have been formed.”

“Bullshit!” Mary stood, slamming her palms against the table, “This is all a fraud! We couldn’t have all coupled by chance! Even if one of us was tipping the guys off, (Y/n) and I switched to avoid just this scenario!” She yelled at Miruka. “You rigged it! Wouldn’t be the first time—“

“Is there a problem, Mary?”

Juraku Sachiko sidled up to the table, compelling Mary to grind her teeth together, eyes blazing with fury.

“Of course there is! You rigged this game!”

“Such baseless accusations.” Sachiko smirked. “We aren’t rigging anything. I can guarantee you that.”

“Do you really think I’d believe that!” Mary sneered.

In a second, Sachiko was looking over her with a devilish smile.

“Oh Mary, there is a far more simpler possibility, don’t you think? Surely you aren’t that incompetent?”

Another… possibility… Mary’s mind whirred with possibilities. The student council, Aoi and the Full Bloom Society… but then her eye caught (Y/n) helping Tsuzura dry her tears and her chest tightened.

No… was (Y/n) the traitor? Couldn’t be… they were fellow scholarship students united in their second class status to the high society high rollers, more than that, they were friends. They had triumphed and lost together time after time they always had each other’s backs. They had made plans to be winners, to be respected… but had those boys offered (Y/n) something better? Something so good that she would send Mary and the others floating down the river without blinking?

Her heart physically hurt, she had pegged (Y/n) as a honest person, someone to confide in. She was the only person she had trusted with this plan so logically… it had to be her. Mary clenched her fists. (Y/n) was the mole!

Meanwhile, (Y/n) was having her own similar crisis, believing that Mary had cut her own deal. Mary had left her behind… she wasn’t loyal at all! She could feel angry and disappointed tears stung at her own eyes, but she kept them at bay and continued tending to Tsuzura.

“Round two is fast approaching ladies, what will you do?” Sachiko smirked, tapping her chin. “You already blew the money Aoi gave you. If you don’t think of something quick, you’ll all be house pets.”

Mary paled. “But 2 million yen…” They didn’t have that kind of money just laying around… suddenly they were approached by someone in the crowd who introduced herself as Kurumi.

“I don’t mind spotting you all 200,000 yen, but as for the rest… if you bet on the sleepover that should cover it.” She smirked.

“That should work just fine.” Sachiko purred.

“Mary?” Tsuzura sniffled. “What should we do?”

(Y/n) looked a Mary with an impassive expression that further irked and pained Mary. Likewise, the hot fury Mary aimed (Y/n)’s way made her feel even more numb. Though divided, they shared the exact same thought.

Who were they supposed to believe in?

“Mary?” Tsuzura pulled Mary from her thoughts with a cautious calling of her name, “We’re doing round two, right? Applications are closing soon, so we should hurry.”

“I need a minute to think.” Mary murmured distantly.

“But we’re out of money, so we’ll have to join, right? I’ll sign us both up—“

“I told you to wait!” Mary yelled, causing Tsuzura to flinch.

“Hey, you can’t talk to her like that!” (Y/n) yelled back.

“As if you care about any of our feelings!” Mary hissed, striding closer to (Y/n) with a sneer, “how about you do me a favor and stop pretending that you’re on my side!”

“Oh, that’s really rich coming from you! You’re really going to keep up this charade until you believe it too? I hope your guilty conscious eats you alive!”

“Guys… what’s going on?” Tsuzura whimpered, not sure who to go to.

“I’m not joining the second round.” Mary coldly informed. “Don’t try to rely on me anymore.” She started to walk away, but (Y/n) called after her.

“That’s it? Now that we’re all in danger of being house pets, you’re going to walk away?” (Y/n) felt even more convinced of Mary’s betrayal now.

“I thought we were all going to be winners together.” Tsuzura said softly, clutching her hands to her chest.

“What will happen to our gambling room?” Yukimi added.

“Figure it out yourselves.”

“I can’t believe you!” (Y/n) spoke through gritted teeth.

“The Mary I know wouldn’t give up just because she thought a friend betrayed her.” Tsuzura sniffled. “You’re strong and dedicated and never give up. You always win in the end, so please, don’t give up!”

“Don’t waste your breath, Tsuzura.” (Y/n) wrapped an arm around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her whilst glaring at Mary. “We can figure it out on our own. It’ll be easier without her betraying us.”

Something about the dead serious delivery and the pure disgust in (Y/n)’s eyes caused Mary to have an epiphany. Another possibility… she wasn’t committed to trusting them again just yet. As far as she was concerned, the only person she could trust was herself. That didn’t mean she couldn’t manipulate them to play the roles she needed them to play.

“Fine, I’ll play.”

“Mary!” Tsuzura looked relieved until Mary stared them down.

“I won’t lose just because one of you stabbed me in the back. I’ll teach you all a lesson you’ll never forget.”

“Right back at you!” (Y/n) shot back.

Mary ended up taking the lead of the group and left (Y/n) on the outs, though it didn’t seem she was letting anyone else in on everything she was planning either. As mad as (Y/n) was at Mary however, it still hurt when she lead the group away from her to discuss turn order and confession targets.

(Y/n) motioned Yuikimi and Tsuzura to join Mary and Chitose, assuring them that she’d be fine on her own. She trusted them to find a way to tell her if something went awry. She took a deep breath, and brainstormed her own course of action.

Before long, they were all seated at the table again, each offering up the sleepover option to cover their lost wagers. (Y/n) and Mary studiously ignored each other as the set up occurred, but when the last person was seated, Mary spoke up, leaning over so she could look at (Y/n) who sat on the other side of Tsuzura and Yukimi.

“Hey,” she said gruffly, “I just want to say, I don’t care what you do. Just know that we are going to be the winners, got it?”

(Y/n) wanted to say something snarky in return, but something about the way Mary’s inflection changed slightly when she said ‘we’ gave (Y/n) pause.

“Only one way to find out.” She grumbled. “Let’s get this over with.”

Chitose confessed first, matching with Sera. Then it was (Y/n)’s turn. Really it was a one in five shot that she picked wrong. She assumed Mary still wanted everyone to stick to one target to minimize matches. So if there was a mole, she shouldn’t have to worry about multiple guys targeting her.

“Here goes nothing,” she audibly exhaled, “I’ll confess to Musubi-san.”

The boys looked disappointed, but didn’t seem too heartbroken, like they expected it wouldn’t be likely that they would have a match with her, but then it was Yukimi’s turn and when she said she would be confessing to Kibashira, it caused an uproar as if they expected a different answer. Then Tsuzura upset the boy’s expectations even further by also confessing to Musubi. Then finally, it was Mary’s turn.

“Musubi-san,” she smirked, “you’re getting rather popular, huh? That makes me a little jealous because,” she presented her paper for all to see, “I picked you too.”

“There is only one successful coupling.” Miruka observed. “Congratulations, Sera-san and Inui-san.”

(Y/n) took a breath of relief and after a moment, Mary started snickering.

“You guys are so dumb, you know that?” She asked pointedly to the boys and Chitose. “I knew you were the mole, Inui-san. Once I took the time to actually think about it, it was the only thing that made sense.”

Sh got up from her seat and walked over to (Y/n), placing a hand on her shoulder.

“I should have realized right away. (Y/n) wouldn’t betray me like that and I owe her a big apology. I was being a narrow-minded idiot.”

“Mary…” (Y/n)’s hand moved to rest atop Mary’s, “I’m sorry too. You’ve never turned your back on us before, so why start now? We were both being dumb.”

“We were… but we managed to course correct and it’s thanks to these idiots,” she sweeps her hand over to the boys and Chitose still looking angry and shocked, “that we just made a damn fortune! Thanks sooo much!” She teased.

“Enough jeering.” Miruka sighed, “The second round has concluded. All arrangements of wagers will be dealt with promptly.”

Once everything was squared away, the four friends left the event hall, exhausted but satisfied that they had won out in the end.

“Hey guys…” Mary stopped walking, making the other three turn around, “I just wanted to apologize for how I acted today. I suspected you all in one way or another even though you guys have never given me a reason to doubt you in the past.” She bowed at the waist, “I’m really sorry.”

“Hey, it’s alright. I probably would have though the same thing.” Yukimi said.

“Mary!” Tsuzura hugged her, “I was so afraid! I thought you had given up on us!”

“It was pretty rough, but I think we’re a much stronger team now.” (Y/n) simpered.

“I promise I’ll never doubt you guys again.”

“Alright, give me some room, Tsuzura. I want in on this too.” (Y/n) worked her way into the hug, making Mary blush.

“Hey! What are you doing?”

“You never give out hugs. Have to take advantage when I can!” (Y/n) teased, hugging Mary tighter and enjoying every second of it. “Right, Tsuzura?”

“Mhm! Yukimi, come join!”

“Alright!” Yukimi joined in on the hug, making Mary more exasperated.

“Hey! You guys! Come on!” Mary flustered, “You guys?!”

***

The only sound was the clatter and clink of silverware.

Though they had won when it mattered most, they still owed the boys a dinner date. No one was particularly excited, but free food was free food to Mary and (Y/n).

“Alright, well, I’m full.” Mary stood once she finished her plate.

“Me too, thanks for the meal.” (Y/n) stood as well, followed shortly by Yukimi and Tsuzura.

Tired from the intense gamble the day before, it was pretty much a given that they would all go to their respective homes to rest and enjoy the rest of their weekend without any other obligations. (Y/n) and Mary waved goodbye to the others as their bus pulled away from the curb.

“Hey,” Mary spoke once the bus started rolling down the street, “want to see a movie or something?”

(Y/n) felt her heart flutter a bit. “Sounds fun. We should have asked Yukimi-senpai and Tsuzura if they wanted to come.”

“They can tag along another time. We don’t have to do everything together all the time.” She rolled her eyes and looked out the window. “So, what movie do you want to see?” She mumbled.

(Y/n) leaned her shoulder against Mary’s. “I don’t know,” she smiled, “we’ll have to see what’s playing when we get there.”

[fandomfluffandfuck]

i havent seen the inside of your ask box for ages so let me just say i finished money magic and WOAH. leave some talent for the rest of us damn. also. im going to add ‘financial domination’ to my mental list of kinks and im doing it with a sly smirk on my face because id never heard of it before this fic and i certainly will be looking for more in the future.

i genuinely think im into it only because you write it so. fucking. well. i love this community youve built where so many people can discover new kinks through your writing and it makes me so happy being able to find out new things about myself from a piece of art like this. i just love fandom sometimes.

plus i think of your blog as a haven bc i can come here anytime i want and its like someone took all the things i love about fandom and put it through your brain then onto here. a true blessing.

ok onto the fic itself, i have a few things to say:

1) i will never get over the way you build up to the climax of the fic. like, from the beginning, its always so obvious that something big is going to happen and i just can never wait until the next update to find out. i dont think ive ever skim read one of your paragraphs because every word pulls me in a makes me want moreee.

2) the way you use imagery in your work is actually something i think should be studied because you do it SO WELL. an example from chapter one that i cant stop thinking about;

His mind whirls. He’s back to spinning out of control. It feels as though his head might come off his shoulders, twisted and twisted and twisted around, thinning his neck, and becoming too unsteady.

like hello???? i can picture every tiny little detail of this moment and its insane how you can just do that.

3) the chemistry between your characters never feels forced or awkward. ive noticed that you dont use dialogue too much when writing smut and i love that because it lets the reader really visualise whats going on. but when you do its absolutely perfect. the way you kept the power dynamics going steadily throughout and even when they were talking on the balcony, it just made me realise how much you really care about what you write and it made reading so much more enjoyable.

theres literally like a million other things i could say but im not gna ramble here. instead, take some snippets that i especially enjoyed that i will think about for a long, long time:

A shiver wracks Steve’s body, accompanied by a rough exhale that fills his bedroom—a confession of how much he’s enjoying this by its very nature.

-

Steve shivers so hard it might as well be a convulsion. Good. The way his words leave no room for argument, for thought, for anything but all this electric embarrassment to fill his veins and circulate throughout his body, polluting him tip to tail. Jesus. He commands all of Steve without being there. It’s heady. He can feel himself being pulled in like a sailor, lonely after months at sea, to a siren.

-

A moan comes tumbling out of his mouth, humiliated to the point that he feels dizzy. He couldn’t stand and walk straight if he tried, he’d stumble and fall onto his knees. He wants to stumble and fall and have Bucky push his heavy hands into his hair, he wants to feel the cold metal of his rings and the blunt sharpness of his fingernails against his scalp as he grabs and pulls and twists, making sure Steve feels his place.

-

Steve imagines this is what being a pinata feels like, struck hard enough that it's twirling around its point of suspension, unable to know what’s up or down, left or right, just focused on each hit and when the next one is going to come, then, ah!, all of the sudden spilling its bounty.

-

i could put the whole fic here but you know. that’d be too long. ill just have to hope what ive said here is enough.

bottom line is that im OBSESSED and i will be taking the pleasure of rereading this fic as soon as i can. thank you so much for sharing!!! lots of love 💗

"Money Magic"

YOU ARE SO SWEET, ARCHIE!

Thank you, lovely <3

I'm so glad to hear that you finished that fic, and, more importantly, that you enjoyed the read so much! You're too kind. Haha, I'm hitting you again with the kink discovery. I think if I can't find a job (a scarily real threat, lmao), I can make a job of that alone 💀💀 I, too, though, am going to be looking for more of it! I haven't found anything else with fin domming in stucky fics, but I would love to!

I'm honored that it's even a possibility that you'd just be into it because of the way I write it <3 Me too!! I love the absolute filth I can write and people not batting an eye, aside from horny reactions that I enjoy very much. Thank you. Plus, even better, so many people have come into my inbox to say depraved, kinky shit. Like. YES. Discover more kinks from me, tell me more about your kinks, and let's explore it all. Not you calling my porn writing art

(Like, absolutely, porn is art. Art inspires emotion, and horny is a valid emotion. I wholeheartedly believe that and would very readily call lots of other writers erotica art, but hearing that about my own? Wtf. Shits wild)

And calling my blog a haven?! Staaawp. You're too cute and nice, I can't take it

1) Ah! I'm so glad to hear that 'cause I plan out my fics EXTENSIVELY, lmao, and I try very hard to up myself consistently within my longer, chaptered fics.

2) You are so fucking sweet I am gonna scream. Oh my god!! I love how you pulled quotes from my text! What the hell??? That's so nice!

3) Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I feel like I use a lot of dialog 💀💀 That's probably because I think so hard about my dialog, though, lol. I do care, definitely. I care too much sometimes 😅 but, yeah, I try to always think, okay, but would the character actually ever say or behave like that? Both this AU character, but also the canon character because the AU is, of course, a canon extension/expansion.

Aww, I don't have words (which is saying something for me, haha)! Again, though, I love, love, love that you included snippets that stuck out to you!

YOU'RE SO SWEET!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND THANK YOU FOR SUCH WONDERFUL COMMENTS ALONG THE WAY!

[cathkaesque]

Year in review, cathkaesque wrapped

Completed Very Big Very Cool Farmworker Report, which I'm still super pleased about. Everything I proposed was completed.

Went to Morocco for Very Big Very Cool international gathering

Basically completed transition - got all my documents in order, 2 years HRT, laser hair removal in process. I can take or leave srs so I'm basically exactly where I want to be now

Got asthma and celiac diagnoses - my lungs are better, I can finally put on weight, but my reflux issues are unfortunately uncurable (hiatial hernia)

Relatedly, spent most of February scrubbing black mould off my walls

Looking back on it, from mid-Feb/March I had an extremely bad mental breakdown that took up a good chunk of the year to recover from. Combination of all my work being due and none of it being done around March, huge trans panic in the press, trying to get all my documentation in order because the panic in the press scared the hell out of me, serious relationship issues...it was very bad. I had to move back in with my parents for much of the year while I sorted my shit out

Broke up with my bf but we got back together - the time apart sucked so bad and made us both extremely insane and unwell but it forced us to rectify serious ongoing issues in our relationship rather than letting them fester. I feel we've emerged from it stronger and things are going better than they ever have before so that is pretty wonderful. I just wish I could've resolved these things in a less dramatic, less damaging way.

Went on a lovely holiday in South Wales, and also a little weekend break in Kent

Drove 1250 miles in about 2 weeks

Went to my first festival (do not want to do that again, I hate the West)

Relatedly, wrote off my car because I was very tired from driving that much. I don't miss the responsibility of driving or owning a car at all, and I'm saving tonnes of money, but I really miss the ability to go on little trips to obscure places

Went to London a million times for work meetings

Sadly a lot of the international union work I've been involved with over the last few years has collapsed due to infighting in the international organisation. You have a situation where both the workers' union in Spain and one of the employer unions are affiliated to the same international organisation. The employer union is a lot bigger and unsurprisingly this is too unstable a mix to function and they reacted in a way that broke the rural workers' work I have been involved in. I am very pissed off as the result was issues the workers union really needed to be addressed never got looked at and someone who was very, very dedicated to the cause got forced out of their position because of it. Disgusted. I invested so much of myself into that work so I am trying to decouple my political activism from my work life to prevent this from happening again.

At the same time I had similar issues within my own workplace, especially after larger farmers' organisations reacted strongly against my report. I ended up having a big meeting with lots of them where I performed okay despite having a panic attack prior to it. So hopefully that will have been dealt with now.

Managed to have a healthier relationship to weed which is good

I got super into Flames of War and I'm really enjoying that, I love the models and painting my little guys has been so much fun.

But yeah. All in all a super, super hard year, especially the first 8 months of it, but this was due to overdue problems that needed to get solved, and they got solved. I hope things will be easier next year.

[tommys-little-writing-corner]

The Season Diamond: Chapter I + Master Post

》 Born into a socialite life, a life in the Tons where you never had to struggle or worry. Dressed in the finest of clothes, the best money can offer... Your first debutante season, while promising husbands that would make your family proud, is going to be a rough one-- after all, the Empress herself has declared you this season's Diamond. All eyes will be on you, be careful, sweet one. 》 Master Post + Chapter I: The Season Diamond 》 Notes: Fem!Reader, MULTIPLE Routes, Definitely Not Because I've Binged Watched Bridgerton AGAIN, Thank You Discord Girlies (ya'll know who you are), Romance, Drama, Regency AU, Mix of Fantasy and History 》 Chapter Notes: So just a heads up, this is both the first chapter that introduces you, lovely Y/N, to high society as an eligible maiden; as well as the main post to link all routes. Each route is a separate take!!! Who is each route? Well... Dance around to find out, yes? 》 Word Count: 1.4k+ ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

(Y/N)'s P.O.V.

Today was the big day!

I couldn't sleep all night, I mean, what young woman at the age of 21 wouldn't? In the elite high society, each woman is expected to not be taught how to manage her household, be well-mannered, sew, dance, and sing-- but she is also to be educated and be talented in something that makes her stand out among the rest. This was the way of life for centuries, to be recognized by the Empress as a woman blossoming into society. The main purpose of the debutante season is to find eligible young men, much like myself, within a few months to settle down into a good match.

Whether that match is truly one of love or one of doom... You may never know. Mamas who will fight one another tooth and nail to find the right matches for their daughters-- a lord, a viscount, or even the likes of a general. Not only are they from just here from home, but also from all other countries too. Some women could be lucky to find a prince so eligible. Alas, that would be a dream for another time, yes? "(Y/N), come on! We cannot wait for you to get up!"

"I'm up!"

I eagerly got out of bed, throwing the pale colored sheets off my body in eagerness before my Momma and household maids rushed into my room. My Momma, who I took my good looks from, rolled her eyes at my eagerness.

"I swear, you're only up this early for a few things. You want festooned apples, some novel came out or--"

"Possibly the biggest moment of my life, Momma!"

I replied back with a gasp, getting dressed into my undergarments and quickly was put into the insane contraption called a corset. The damned thing always left me breathless, gasping for air as it was practically being squeezed out of me. After all, it was kind of the standard around here for women to wear corsets. I was starting to feel a little nauseous as the corset tightened more, gripping the bed post for dear life.

"Tighter, Amber! Until she could only fit an orange and a half!"

My Momma commanded the maid as if she were General Shao himself on the battlefield. Her arms, which were once crossed over the beautiful soft colored gown, uncrossed and walked on over to help with the maid, Amber, tighten my corset. Two other maids held me up to make sure I didn't pass out and that I was still breathing.

"One, two--"

I gasped loudly as Amber and my Momma pulled on the corset with all their might, knocking the wind out of me as I stumbled. My hands gripped the maids' shoulders tight for support before helping me get back on my feet. At first I struggled to even think before air quickly filled my lungs again. I scowled as my head turned to my Momma who smirked back happily.

"See? It wasn't too bad, my dear!"

I held back temptation to roll my eyes, so I settled with a small glare and biting the corner of my bottom lip. While I did love Momma well, it sometimes felt like she was trying to kill me one way or another. I sighed before relaxing a little, getting use to wearing a tight corset once more.

"Okay... Onto the dress, Momma. I know that new one should have arrived already, yes?"

I nodded and she nodded back with a big grin on her face. For the occasion, we bought a beautiful, high-waisted white dress with only small accents of gold and beautiful lace detailing. The bodice was fitted to my measurements, complimented by a flowing skirt piece that trailed behind me. The maids helped me into getting into it, helping with making sure all the littlest details were looked into. Tonight must be perfect, I just know true love is around the corner...!

》 Few Hours Later...

My heart was beating in my chest, gloved fingers resting at my sides as I breathed deeply to have control of my beating heart. I heard my Momma whisper words of encouragement, hoping it would help me calm down as we both awaited at the doors to be called in. It was all the nerve wrecking and exciting at the same time. To be finally be considered a woman, meet other likeminded people... maybe even find true love!

"Miss (Y/N) Collington, presented by her mother, the Right Honorable, the Vicountess Collington."

Well, here goes nothing.

I took one last breath as the doors open, lifting my chin up a little proudly, but not too bold as I felt all eyes turn to me. Right in front of my eyes were lords and ladies from all around the city, including foreign guests that I could not put my tongue on. Without a doubt, however, they all had money. We were all rich one way or another-- it came to be just how much were you willing to risk it all for even more riches.

Further down the room was Empress Sandel, dressed in the finest white dress one could afford. However, she was not without her signature rich purple color. As seen in the patterns stitched into the large skirt and bodice, although it was a much lighter tone to not make it so off-putting. Compared to her daughters who also wore almost pure white dresses, only with a small touch of their own signature colors as well.

As I walked down the hall, I dared not to look around me. I could still feel my heart pounding, even louder in my own ears as if it were the only sound I could hear. I felt as if everyone knew and was just waiting for me to make one mistake. I would not dare think of fainting, it would make me humiliated.

Once I got only but a few steps away from Her Majesties, I stopped and waited for a moment-- for Sindel to nod at me in acknowledgement-- before I would curtsy. A manner in which I have practiced over a thousand times over, not until I could do it as instinct and make it flawless. Silence filled the room, hushing all forms of small talk as we all waited to hear what Sindel had to say. My eyes avoided her gaze, afraid that one look would make her second guess her judgement of me.

Then I felt a gloved hand move to my chin, gently guiding me back up to meet face to face with Her Majesty. I almost gulped, but kept control of everything but my eyes that widened briefly upon her words.

"Flawless, my dear. Like a diamond."

I had officially received her blessing, smiling as she made the move to kiss my forehead and moved back to her seat on the throne. Me and my Momma stepped back a few feet, curtsying once more before we moved back out of the room. We both remained professional until we both started giggling to one another, remaining as hushed as we could.

"Did that really just happen, Momma?!"

"Dearest, I do believe so...!"

She was proud, happy of the words we received from our ruling Empress. As we walked, Momma gave me some words of advice that I would take to heart from this moment on.

"Now, you must be careful now, dearest... They all have their eyes on you-- all of them."

》 The First Ball

The first ball of the season was going to begin, and I couldn't hold my excitement no matter how much I tried. One couldn't help but be excited about the energy in the grand ball room, held by one of Empress Sindel's many friends who was willing to support the first night. My dress for the evening was the same shade as before-- a pearly white color with only a small touch of soft blue that was hardly noticeable upon first glance. But it would shimmer through with a twirl of my skirt. I'm sure any other woman at the ball tonight would be jealous...!

I stood in a room with many other debutantes, other eligible men and women looking for the right match. Some tagging along with their friends, escorted by brothers, mothers, or their own fathers. I was near my own Momma, waiting with a small drink of white wine in my gloved hand. My eyes gazed around the room, where the lighting of the candles was bright but gave an extra aura of mystery and romance to the room. There was just so many people here... could someone really be the one?

"Well, dearest? C'mon now...! Surely someone has caught your eye!"

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

The Season Diamond Routes

》 thank u, next ˚ ༘♡ ·˚ ₊˚ˑ༄ؘ 》 Chapters: 1 // 2 // 3

》 Wildest Dreams ˚ ༘♡ ·˚ ₊˚ˑ༄ؘ 》 Chapters: 1 // 2 // 3

》 Merry-Go-Round of Life ˚ ༘♡ ·˚ ₊˚ˑ༄ؘ 》 Chapters: 1 // 2 // 3

》 I See The Light ˚ ༘♡ ·˚ ₊˚ˑ༄ؘ 》 Chapters: 1 // 2 // 3

》 So This Is Love ˚ ༘♡ ·˚ ₊˚ˑ༄ؘ 》 Chapters: 1 // 2 // 3

》 Your hint on what the titles mean to a specific character? They're linked songs.

[deityoftherain]

her beloved immortal - Katherine/Lizzie Empires S1 Fanfic

Rating: Teen

Relationship: F/F

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Status: Completed Oneshot

Word Count: 1,173

Summary: Katherine and Lizzie are hanging out in Katherine's room, creating bracelets and loving each other dearly. As they talk, Lizzie reveals a large part of their shared past...

[Deleted Scene/Alternate Ending to "her beloved mortal" that I ended up not using]

This was written for @belovedgamers as a treat through the @mcyt-summer-of-yuri exchange!

Here's the Tumblr post for the original: https://www.tumblr.com/deityoftherain/754681162396532736/her-beloved-mortal-katherinelizzie-empires-s1

If you like it, please consider reblogging, kudosing/liking, and/or commenting :D

Katherine never thought of her life as dull or unfulfilling before, but, ever since Lizzie entered it, she has felt so genuinely blissful. It was like a piece of her soul had been returned to her, snapping in place and fitting perfectly. Waking up every day knowing that Lizzie was never too far away made her stomach flutter pleasantly with butterflies and her face warm like a candle’s flame.

It was stereotypical, sure, but Katherine already had countless sketches of possible dress designs for their own wedding, and she would be lying if she said she hadn’t written their names together with a heart countless times on her journal’s pages. Every moment Katherine spent with Lizzie, the more she fell head over heels for her. Katherine was sure Lizzie felt the same.

The two women sat criss-crossed on Katherine’s bed as Lizzie taught Katherine various ways to make bracelets. Katherine had known some basic techniques growing up, sure, but never to this level and certainly not with these techniques.

It has only been a few months since they met, but Katherine felt right at home with Lizzie. It was like they knew each other for lifetimes. They exchanged much about themselves, sure, but the way they acted suggested that their knowledge about the other ran much deeper than what they would have gathered in these months.

In addition to Katherine’s work as a seamstress, she also had a passion for making plushies. The plushies were more for fun or to donate to children in need than they were for money, but Katherine found great pleasure in making them. Katherine wanted to make Lizzie a plushie, but she only briefly wondered what sort of plushie she should make. It just came to her that Lizzie would be ecstatic with an axolotl plushie, though she had this innate gut feeling that Lizzie would love whatever she made either way. Katherine could almost hear her reaction as if it were a memory.

“Look at you go!” Lizzie clapped her hands together as she cheered, proud of Katherine successfully getting down the technique. “Aw, it turned out so cute!”

Katherine beamed under Lizzie’s praise, unable to hold back her smile even if she tried. “I just had a good teacher.”

“Nonsense,” Lizzie dismissed. “You are very talented in the art of the craft, always have been. You can do anything you put your mind to. Your creativity is one of the things I love about you.”

That was another thing. Lizzie always talked like they’ve known each other for a long time. It often felt that way to Katherine as well, but, in actuality, it had only been a few months. Granted, they spent a majority of their free time together during those months, but still.

“‘Always have been,’” Katherine repeated, with a slight tilt of her head. She had to admit, she was curious why they felt so natural together. It made her mind wander to several different possibilities, unsure what would be considered too insane and unrealistic. Magic wasn’t her strong suit, but it did exist. Technically, anything was possible to certain limits. “We haven’t known each other very long, yet you talk like you’ve always known me. Tell me, have we met before and I don’t remember? Do you believe I have some sort of childhood amnesia?”

Lizzie’s lip darted out briefly to wet her lips as she thought of what to say. “I wanted to tell you the truth, but I was worried it was too soon. I didn’t want to scare you off.” “You won’t scare me off,” Katherine promised, scooting closer to Lizzie so she could set her hand over Lizzie’s.

Katherine knew she shouldn’t let herself promise such a thing, but something within Katherine knew Lizzie would never hurt her. It wasn’t a hunch or a suspicion, but a fact that her mind was positive of. It was so infused with truth that Katherine couldn’t even think of denying its validity.

Lizzie turned her hand around so their fingers could intertwine with one another. She brought Katherine’s hand up to her lips to press a kiss to her knuckles. “Katherine, you are my soulmate in each of your lives. I knew the moment I saw you at Gem and Pearl’s wedding that I had found you again.”

Katherine’s eyes widened in surprise, but she didn’t pull away. If someone else told her this, she may have called them crazy and told them to stop messing with her, but, from Lizzie, it made sense like it was a typical and normal thing. “Each of my lives? What about yours?” “I’m immortal,” Lizzie admitted. “I was once mortal, we both were in our first life together. At least, I believe I was. You were dying in my arms and my grief was great. Something inside me seemed to unlock. I had power pumping through my veins that I was unaware of before. Our souls yearned to stay together, and so they did. Even as I was accepted among the ranks of the gods, I could feel a pull toward you. Once I realized your soul reincarnated, I made it my mission to seek you out in each life. Falling in love with you over and over again is my reason for continuing on. I never get bored with you by my side.” Katherine didn’t speak for several moments, needing time to process what she was being told. Lizzie’s words were genuine, she knew that much, but it was a lot to unpack. Still, Katherine had never been one to dismiss the idea of love outlasting lifetimes and other fantastical ideas.

She used her freehand to cup Lizzie’s face, looking into her eyes as her heart fluttered with warmth and love. “I believe you.”

“You always do.” Lizzie leaned into Katherine’s hand, seemingly melting into it. “And you have no idea how happy that makes me.” “I may not know everything, but what we have is too otherworldly and true to deny.” Katherine directed her cupped hand to tuck some of Lizzie’s pink hair behind her ear fin. They were close now, so close that Katherine could smell the distinct scent of ocean water and bubblegum. Those scents were muddled together, creating what was so obviously Lizzie, her Lizzie.

Before either of them truly knew it, their lips met together, fitting perfectly in place as if they were made for each other. The kisses were soft yet passionate, almost electric as life sparked within Katherine. Each kiss brought with it a flash of a memory from a past life, the memories both foreign and familiar.

Instead of scaring Katherine off, the memories from her past selves only confirmed all that she already accepted as fact. Katherine deepened the kisses, pulling Lizzie toward her until their bodies were flushed together. She climbed into her lap, legs wrapping around Lizzie’s torso. It had been far too long since they were able to be this close and they were going to take full advantage of it…

[editorialsonlife]

HOW IS IT APRIL ALREADY

who wants a chaotic life update coz here we go

We just submitted an offer on a house in palmy, eeeeeeeek. So moving to a whole other city an hour and a half away from where we currently live. Likely to be accepted and have been working through all the admin for mortgage approvals and selling our current home and buying new up there. We’ll be going from a 90m2 house to a 200m2 house on a larger section - it’s going to be hilarious to live somewhere so massive.

Antidepressants are the best things in the world I should have done them years ago.

Work is a wild shitshow, thanks to a prime minister who can’t accept that running a country and a company are two fundamentally different things. Consequently, work is currently calling for voluntary redundancies and then will kick off a change process in May. Will I have a job come 1 July? Who knows. Current math suggests job losses for ~1200 people across our 3500 ish back office staff so watch this space.

Thanks to antidepressants, I can’t even be stressed about this. It’s amazing!!!

Dave got a solid bonus this year, which is amazing. They did it so tough last year through all the flooding and having clients on suicide watch and everything else and they really Fkn earned it so yay. Waiting to find out what his pay rise will be as well.

At least both of us can keep our current jobs when we move and just commute a couple of days a week ( I’m in denial about the reality of this but anyway)

Naturally my sister and her husband couldn’t possibly be left out so have also put an offer on a house up there but it was so impulsive and a really dumb choice but it’s been accepted so their only hope now is they can’t sell their current house.

Fuck I’m glad we don’t have stamp duty in this country.

I signed up for an online bootcamp class on zoom that’s 530 every morning coz let’s be real I ain’t doing nothing after work apart from collapsing in a heap and it’s been so fun! They are v much like, this is your first start back in a while these are your regressions we expect to see you using them and then don’t shame you for it either? And are just like, too hard? Don’t use weights then? And my god is it ever a relief for my poor overweight body to not be forcing it to move in ways it can’t and reminding myself that actually I can do pretty amazing things if I give it a chance and it’s just been such a massive mental win. Maybe over the next few months I might get my eating sorted you never know.

I signed up for it as a 6 week challenge kinda thing and I’m 99% sure I haven’t lost any weight which was not at all the point of signing up for it - it was proving to myself I could be consistent with something and I’ve achieved that so yay.

Dave and I are good which is lovely. Even started talking to the counsellor about all my sex hang ups which is deeply unpleasant and awkward but at least it moving things along a bit??? 🤮🤮🤮😬😬😬😳😳

Have I mentioned lately how good antidepressants are honestly?? I have my brain back and my personality and it’s wild.

We wanna start having kids this year? Also wild.

Had a birthday and now I’m 34 and somehow it’s April? I do not understand time at all honestly.

I fucking love my new doctor he’s actually the best I will not be changing when we move.

I’m excited for a slower, quieter pace of life and more chill. I’m honestly done with my girl boss era. I’ve made the money and chased the titles and it’s exhausting honestly. (Watch this change again rapidly)

I was away for 7 of 8 weekends across Feb and March and it was INSANE. weddings. TAYLOR SWIFT ERAS TOUR!!!!! Birthdays and friend birthday and mum and I went to Pink and other birthdays and it was way too much. Oh, and house hunting mixed in. Plus ya know, a full time job in the mix.

It’s been a Fkn massive start to the year, and she ain’t slowing down any time soon.

Antidepressants man. Wild the difference they have made to my life. WILD.

Happy and grateful for my life and everyone in it and all the madness that it is right now. Someday it’ll be chill right??? I’ve been saying that since 2019 at some point I’ll accept that the answer is no.

Cool cool cool what a wild ride.

[aboutnavi]

Another Sunday, another update: A few words about my (lack of) updates, being diagnosed and trying to survive hour by hour

My last housekeeping on Tumblr was almost two months ago and, to be honest, I can barely recognize my two-old-month words, because so much has changed it seems I've been living a completely different life. I'm trying - with the help of God, prayer and therapy - to be fair and kind to the old version of myself who started things and had future plans and who had no idea the reality I would be living right now.

My almost weekly hospital visits for my "emotional chronic pain" turned out to be - after months of feeling insane, and not enough, and as if I was truly making things on my mind - a diagnose of a chronic autoimune disease that has been affecting me in different degrees for so long I had no idea all those different symptoms were related. I'm in that weird phase where I'm trying to emotionally handle the fact that I'll have to live with this illness for the rest of my life, while not being able to live a full day without pain and struggling to keep up with the bare minimum of everyday life. I haven't seen my friends in months, I had to let go of one of my jobs in a moment where money for exams and doctor appointments are extremely necessary and I'm starting a process to see if I can have a few more months to write my dissertation because right now I cannot focus on anything beyond will-I-feel-pain-in-the-next-hour-or-will-I-be-able-to-get-out-of-my-bed. My diet has been extremely restricted and I'm eating more meds than food, which led my body to lose more weight than considerate healthy in three weeks all the while I barely have the strength to sit and type on my computer. An auto imune disease also means I cannot try and strength my autoimune system or else it will make my already bad phase of this illness get worse.

I haven't started treatment yet. I'm paying way too much in a medicine to control my pain for a few hours a day until my biopsy gets back from the lab and my doctor can initiate a treatment that - hopefully - will work. Hopefully is the only word I've right now, because finding the right treatment for an incurable disease is impossible and we can only find the right meds to put the illness "to sleep" until it, eventually, gets back. And it will. That's the only certainty any doctor has to give me right now: that I can fight all I want, it will never go away.

So physically, I'm in pain. Emotionally, I cannot even start to describe how much of a rollercoaster I'm going through.

All my fanfic-related projects are in hiatus right now. Trust me, if time was the only thing necessary for me to write, I would type right now 20k of words and give endless updates, but I have almost to none energy to do more than pray that I will have a good night of sleep and that in the morning the pain won't be too much. I have zero creativity juices going on for me right now - and it's not even for writing. It's for reading, for talking online with my friends, for being present and full in any situation.

I cannot wait to come back with good news that the treatment is working, and that my life is going back to a semblance of normalcy and that I'll be updating soon. If God is willing, this day will come sooner than later. Until then, if anyone has any prayers to spare, it will be highly appreciate it!

& to everyone who has not given up in any of my fics, know they will be back soon, I promise!

I'll see you guys then 🩵

[clumsiestgiantess]

Erica pov of chapter 16; new love is in the air!

[A love larger than life]

There was nothing left for me in the mansion; I was so sure of it.  However, shortly after finishing a wonderful breakfast made by the box I’d come up with for her, Alexis dug through the rubble regardless.  I was about to tell her to just leave it alone, when I noticed the large wooden dresser she’d cast to the side, still intact.  “Hey, wait!" I called, "That’s my dresser!”  I know that must’ve been obvious, but I was so shocked to see it in one piece.  Alexis pulled away from the cliffside to let me across.  Once I got over, I yanked the drawers open wide.  Inside, a few sets of old clothes sat pristinely untouched.  

“Finally!” I cried out, holding up one of my shirts, “I can wear my own clothes!”  Oh how badly I’d missed wearing decent things!  Sure, I was given plenty of options in the hundreds of empty houses left in all the subdivisions that surrounded the cliff, but they were unnerving, really.  I could never quite shake the unease of wearing a person’s clothes who may or may not be getting tortured somewhere by some insane giants from the portals.

Putting together a decent outfit from the items in the drawer, I clambered back across the rubble to a small part of my house that was still standing.  “Ok, I take back what I said.  Maybe there are some useful things in here,” I noted as I ducked behind the single wall to change.

Once I’d finished, I stepped out from behind the rubble to examine myself.  “Damn, I haven’t worn this in forever.  Probably because I stashed it in there,” I said, gesturing to the dresser.  After that miraculous find, I helped Alexis dig through the rest of the junk left from the hazmat giants’ destructive pillaging.  I couldn’t do much with the bigger pieces of rubble, but Alexis was happy to push them aside for me.  With a few hours of searching, we collected a fair amount of my things that I’d assumed had long been lost.  Most of the items I was glad to see; they reminded me of my life before all of this, when things were more normal.  However, after Alexis cast aside one piece of rubble in particular, I recoiled away from what I’d found underneath.  “Oh, it’s.. that,” I addressed it in disgust.  

The safe where my infinite supply of money had been stored sat eerily pristine beside the rest of the torn up pieces of my house.  This was taking me on a trip a bit too far down memory lane — all the way back to the months Alexis had controlled me.  Curiosity hummed in the back of my mind, wondering how much money was still left.  But I had to remind myself that it didn’t matter.  Money’s basically worthless now, which is a crazy notion in itself.  Why would I even need to buy stuff anyway?  Alexis and I go out and sort through all the free things left in houses all the time.

Alexis and I both glanced warily at each other, immediately turning away as our gazes briefly met.  “I.. should get rid of that,” Alexis stated nervously, reaching down to snatch the safe from the rubble in front of me.  I stood in silence, recalling all the days I spent wondering if I would ever have my freedom back.  “You seemed so horrible back then,” I said quietly.  “I thought you were some invisible being from another dimension, playing god with creatures beneath yourself, using me like a character in a game to interact with my world.  Seems silly, huh?” I laughed bitterly.  “I really believed I’d never have control over my own body again.”  

Alexis hadn’t meant to torture me; she was only trying to give me her slightly twisted version of a normal life after watching me royaly fuck mine up a few different times.  She’d swore left right and center that she’d never do it again, so I wasn’t worried I’d ever end up like that.  In fact, Alexis would probably tear apart any giant who even tried to control me.  A lot had changed in those four years she was gone.  To think there was a time I was afraid of her — just yesterday I kissed her, and she kissed me!  And wow did it feel good!

I shook off the memories and turned back to Alexis.  Her cheerful expression had fallen into a look of despair.  I could only imagine the internal struggle Alexis constantly had to face, always haunted by her past mistakes.  Once she dared to look at me again, I held out my hands, palm up.  This was our signal to call the other person closer.  Alexis would offer me her hand so I could step onto it, and I would offer up my hands as a gesture for her to get more level with me.  If I was lucky, she would place her chin squarely in my upturned palms — close enough I could feel the breath on her lips.

Hesitantly, Alexis stepped forward, resting her chin on the lawn in front of me to get closer to my height.  “You weren’t the first person to make me feel like that,” I told her once she settled.  It was true.  During my horrific time with John and the others, I’d had about as little control over my body as I had while being actually controlled by her.

“However,” I added, “you were the first to apologize for it.”  Alexis stilled as I stepped up to her, eyes darting away from me and back again.  When we first befriended eachother, I’d thought that she was always distancing herself from me to stop us from getting too attached to one another — that way she could freely leave me without too much guilt.  However, over the last few weeks, I've come to realize her hesitation stemmed from an awful fear that she might hurt me in some way or another if she even physically came too close to me.  

So, if Alexis wouldn't fill the space between us — which was almost always the case — I made it my job to do so instead.  Closing my eyes, I took the final step forward and leaned against her trustingly, my forehead coming to rest on her brow.  “Thank you,” I whispered.  My voice was so quiet, I feared Alexis might not hear it.  “for letting me rely on you.  Stay with me, please.  Y- You probably want to go home by now, but I’m not ready for you to leave yet.”  

God, why can’t she stay here with me?  Or, better yet: why can’t we just go back to the way things used to be?  Before our little picnic by the lake that ended up driving us so far apart?  However, Alexis had warned me not to keep thoughts like that in my head.  She wants me- needs me to be here, not in the past.  If she’s ever going to get home, I have to be ready to take care of myself without her.  The thought of being without her now that I found out she loved me was cruel.  It practically tears out my heart whenever I think of it.

I took a shuddering breath as Alexis pulled away from me.  Moments later, her lips pressed lightly into the left side of my face.  Warm ecstasy spread through me from the spot where her very large kiss covered my head.  I still can’t believe she loves me.

“I wouldn't trade your company for the world, Erica,” Alexis told me lovingly.  I blushed, absentmindedly brushing my hand over the place where her lips touched my skin.  Before Alexis could retreat back over the cliffside, I rushed forward and hugged a few of her fingers in a strange embrace.  It’s unbelievable that this was how much of her I could hold — only a few fingers.

Alexis seemed a bit shocked at first, but she soon came around to the odd gesture.  The rest of her digits slowly folded in around me, creating a soft all-encompassing embrace.  Screw a normal hug; this was infinitely better.  My eyes teared up and I nearly gave in to the temptation to pull myself further into her hand.  I so badly wanted to curl up and let her hold me, but it just wasn't the time.  I have bigger plans on my mind.

Pushing away Alexis' fingers, I stepped off to the side of her hand just slightly as I quickly brushed the tears from my eyes.  "I'll finish sorting this out," I said once I composed myself, nodding at the lopsided pile of my things that we'd collected.  "But once I'm done I'd like to practice balancing myself on your shoulder."  The very second I announced my plan, Alexis looked ready to shoot it down with something along the lines of 'Erica, it's too dangerous, you could fall'.  

Before she could deny me, I held up a hand to silence her.  "Don't ruin the mood," I chided, "Last night you promised me I could try it again.  How am I going to get better if I don't practice?"  I watched Alexis' expression shift in thought while hopefully awaiting some sort of approval of my antics.  In the grand scheme of things, I understand why Alexis would be so protective of me.  I mean, I have been kidnapped twice now.  Add on the fact that she has feelings for me, making her doubly protective of me.  I'm certainly not complaining, though.  I need someone like that in my life; I've always needed someone like that — someone who could stop me from making bad decisions before it was too late.  Or just.. stop bad things from happening to me, period.

I began sorting through the pile of my things as Alexis still mulled over my request, clearly lost in thought.  Though all of these items brought back pleasant memories, some of them were a bit annoying.  Like my cell phone charger, for instance.  My phone is long gone — god knows where that thing is — but my stupid charger was still miraculously unaffected by the damage inflicted on my house.  I quickly got bored messing around with my stuff and wandered back over to the cliffside where Alexis stood.  I tried to be nonchalant about it, but I did really want to ride on her shoulder.  It's such a neat vantage point — almost like I’m a giant too — and I feel so much closer to her sitting there.  

Finally, Alexis lowered her hand to the lawn where I stood.  I could tell by the cute little expression on her face that she'd given in to my silent begging.  "You're adorable," I whispered under my breath as I climbed up and into her hand.  She obviously didn't hear me; she never did.  Alexis was far too big to ever hear me whispering to myself, which is probably a good thing.  I've occasionally made fun of her under my breath simply because I know she can't hear me.

"Hold on tighter this time, alright?" Alexis asked as she lifted me up to her shoulder, "I don't want you to fall over backwards like you did yesterday."  I nodded freverently, excited to get going.  "I know, I will."  Staying true to her protective ways, Alexis began walking agonizingly slowly.  “Come on!  You went faster than this yesterday!” I complained.  “Yeah, and you also fell off yesterday.”  I hate it when she’s right, but she is right.  However, after a few walkarounds of proof that I could handle that speed just fine, Alexis did steadily pick up the pace.  Over the next few days, we practiced at a faster and faster speed until I could sit comfortably on her shoulder with her normal gait.

Surprisingly, there were very few mishaps.  Most of the time I managed to right myself before I fell too far.  Only once did I completely fall off of Alexis, and it was partially her fault.  She’d pointed out how the creepy ruined water tower in the distance kinda looked like a satellite crashed to Earth.  I had to lean out fairly far to see it around Alexis’ neck, which was a bit too far past where I was safe from falling.  

One moment I was clinging to her shoulder, the next I was free-falling through the air, plummeting to the ground far below.  I barely had time to cry out before I was firmly pressed between two surfaces, both of which were pleasantly warm and soft.  Knowing that Alexis had caught me, I took a brief moment to calm myself down.  I assumed I’d been pinned between Alexis’ hands, so I hugged myself deeper into the surface below me, assuring my racing mind that I was safely in her grasp.  However, once I was nestled into her skin, I realized the surface was a lot more plush than it usually was.  Wait.. is this clothing material?

It took me a few moments to figure out what had happened.  Alexis had quickly pinned me between one of her hands and her chest to catch me, pressing me firmly onto one of her breasts.  I immediately flushed deep red as I realized what I’d just snuggled into.  Trying not to be too conspicuous, I pushed myself away from her slightly, only blushing harder as I watched my hands sink into her skin.  Seconds later, I fell backwards onto Alexis’ outstretched palm.  She’d finally released me.  

I sat dumbfounded in her hand as she scolded me to be more careful.  Her words were lost in my own thoughts.  I’ve never been held that close to her before.  I stood and stepped carefully over to Alexis’s chest again, placing a single hand over the place I’d been moments before.  I barely even processed what I was doing.  I was too mesmerized by the rhythm of Alexis’ heartbeat, mixed with the offbeat swish of air rushing to her lungs.  It was a strange sensation, feeling the thundering of her heartbeat beneath my fingers as her chest rose and fell with each breath.  This was proof that she wasn’t some impossible being, but rather one gigantic living thing.  It’s insane how impossible that seems.

Suddenly, I became aware of what I was doing.  “Your heart’s beating really fast,” I said awkwardly, pulling my hand back in embarrassment, “I can feel it, it.. sounds.. nice.”  What are you acting so embarrassed for? I internally scolded myself.  Do you want her to realize that you enjoyed snuggling up to her like that?!  A part of me responded with a ready ‘yes’, but I turned away and played it off as best I could.  Though she had confessed she liked me, I didn’t think Alexis was quite ready for that kind of intimacy yet.

I waved a hand nonchalantly at the cliffside where my house used to be.  “I’m ready to go back now.  I- I think that’s enough practice for today.”  Alexis gave me a curious look, but said nothing and headed for home.  The moment we got back to the remains of my house, I quickly changed the subject by complaining about my dirty clothes.  Alexis and I came up with a plan to visit the one house in the subdivision that still had power.  Hopefully the washing machine actually still works.

Later we ate dinner together, and all traces of my awkwardness had disappeared.  While I finished my meal, I watched Alexis patrol the abandoned neighborhood for signs of her own kind.  I'd told her how upset I was about them.  Could they control me like Alexis could?  She was adamant that it wasn't possible, but she couldn't know that for certain.  

Once she finished her search, Alexis came to rest on the cliffside to my right.  I absentmindedly drew a bit closer to her, rattled by the thought of the hazmat giants taking over my world.  Alexis must've noticed me move closer, because she shifted to the side, letting her head rest on the top of the cliff, level with me.  I know her well enough that this was a silent ask for me to move closer.  Normally, Alexis won't get too close to me thanks to the fear I may or may not have vested in her by scaring her off four years ago.  However, on occasion, she'd offer herself over to me.  My favorite times spent with her often come from these moments, where she would let me get as close to her as I dared.

I stood suddenly as a brilliant idea struck me.  Striding up to the place where she settled down, I lay back on the side of Alexis' face, sinking into her soft cheek.  The feeling was akin to sitting on a heated bean bag chair.  I thoroughly enjoyed it, especially since the nights were getting slightly colder every day.  I was distracted from her by the flickering of lights out in the yard.  For the briefest of moments, I thought they’d come from flashlights further down the road and gasped, causing Alexis to tense beneath me.  However, they were only fireflies.  I pointed them out to Alexis to put her back at ease.

In slight amusement, I watched her try, and fail, to catch the little bugs.  They were tiny compared to me.  I could barely imagine how small they’d be to Alexis, and how impossible they would be for her to catch.  She sighed longingly; I stood up, slightly concerned.  Alexis began a small story about her childhood — how much she loved catching them when she was younger.  Aww, now she’s literally too big to catch them.  Though, I’m not.

Moments later, I was out in my old front yard, stepping through the dark to capture the tiny floating lights, which mostly didn’t seem to care that they were being taken.  When I’d caught a few of them, I returned to Alexis with a smug smile.  “I got you something,” I told her nonchalantly.  “What is it?”  Her voice sounded curious, but I know she already knew the answer.  She’d watched me gather the little bugs.  “Hold out your hand and find out,” I replied, playing along.  

My heart skipped a beat as her right hand slid up to me, resting the tips of her fingers on the bottom of my cupped hands.  For a moment, it was jarring.  I mean, she can hold me captive between her palms just like the little fireflies crawling around in mine.  Despite her obvious ‘dangers’, the risk of befriending, then loving, her came with too many benefits for me not to risk it.

With the gentleness I’d want her to use with me, I released the fireflies into her cupped hand.  They drifted through the space between her fingers for a moment before floating up into the night.  Alexis’ look of pure awe reflected their light as they left, and I watched her as pride swelled in my chest.  I did that.  I made her so happy!   Then her pupils darted to me.  Her look softened with a small smile that made me giddy under her loving gaze.  Using a gentle grip I hadn’t even experienced from someone my own height, Alexis brought my hands into hers, pressing them softly between two of her fingers.

“Thank you.  I have something for you, too.”  God, how’d her voice get so hot all of a sudden?  Alexis leaned over the cliffside, her face coming up beside mine as lips longer than my forearms slid softly against my cheek, drifting down over my neck.  I froze for the briefest moment — my mind overwhelmed by everything.  Then, I practically melted against her, pressing deep kisses into her bottom lip.  I tried to give more, but she didn’t even move.  Was I not enough?  Or was it another one of Alexis’ moments where she somehow believed that she would be too dangerous for me?  Likely, it was the latter.

Sighing with loving annoyance, I stepped away from her just slightly, and her eyes fluttered open.  “I- I don’t want to sound greedy,” I began quietly, “but can I have a bit more?  It’s so.. big.  But I can tell you’re holding back.”  Her confused look soured into confliction.  “I don’t want to hurt you.”  I knew it.  She’s holding back to keep me ‘safe’ from herself.  When will she learn that she’s the safeguard, not the danger?  Shaking my head pityingly, I reached for her chin, which rose just below my face while she spoke.  “You won’t,” I told her sternly.

I worried that she might never want to be too intimate with me — fearing for my safety and whatnot.  However, she exhaled a slight chuckle.  “It’ll cost you extra.”  I was midway through rolling my eyes in exasperation when my chin was gently raised by a finger so big it took up the entire space of my neck.  Irrational, or actually, rational fear lit up my veins.  Any sane person would run or at least struggle feeling their throat pressed against something so heavy.  But I practically craved it.  

Alexis bent down over me.  Her lips were still slightly parted when I shifted up to kiss her.  My heart raced wildly in my chest as a tongue wider than my head slid over my lips.  I inadvertently made a small noise and pulled myself closer, sloppily kissing the gigantic slick muscle.  I know she’s big but holy shit, she’s big.  Her tongue slid into my mouth while I kissed her.  Because of its sheer size, all I could do was sit there and take it as Alexis worked to love me.  My jaw began throbbing as I opened it wide, disbelieving that only the very tip of her tongue was somehow all it took to make this happen to me.  Only for a second did I find myself frightened that my jaw would break loose, but then Alexis pulled away for a breath of air and I fell backwards, gasping for breath.

Saliva dripped off my face in globs that somehow made me queasy and horny at the same time.  “That was-”  I had to take another breath mid-sentence, still not fully recovered.  “That was a really good gift.  Mine kinda sucks in comparison,” I chuckled.  Alexis brushed a finger slowly down my arm before reaching out with a bit of the fabric of her shirt to wipe away the stuff left on my face.  If only we could go to bed together.  We do, but I always have to leave because she might crush me if I sleep with her.   …but what if I don’t sleep with all of her?

The moment Alexis was done cleaning me off, I ran to my sleeping bag.  Before she could take back her hand, I grabbed her pinky and dove into bed with it tucked to my chest.  I slid around it almost protectively, silently pleading with her not to take it back as I got comfortable with it.  The single finger was nearly the same size as me, and I treated it as if it were all of her, twinning it slowly between my arms and legs, finally resting my head on its side.  

After ensuring she couldn’t get out of my grasp, I glanced up at her.  Alexis stared down at me in shock, and I suddenly got the notion of how strange it all must look and feel to her.  “I- I know it’s not normal, but I uhh.. don’t think anything between us will be.  Not that that’s a bad thing!” I added, catching myself.  Shit, she’s going to think I’m weird, or.. or she’ll think I don’t like it!

“You can have your hand back if you want-”  I began to back off her, but Alexis quickly shook her head.  “Keep it,” she replied, moving her finger so it fit snugly against my chest.  “At least until you fall asleep.”  I felt as if I’d burst from joy as she curled up on the cliffside right beside me, gently pulling my sleeping bag closer until it was only a foot away from her chest.  The rumble of her voice was all-encompassing as she spoke, making me shiver.

“I don’t care what we have, as long as we have it together.  I’m so glad you confessed.  It was probably hard for you.  I don’t think I ever would’ve said anything if it weren’t for that.”  “Why?” I joked, “Were you scared of me?”  Alexis’ laugh sounded incredulous, and I frowned.  Is it really that impossible for you to be scared of me?  Haven’t you been scared of me? 

“Don’t take that the wrong way,” she assured me gently, “but it was the opposite; I was worried you would be afraid of me.  I didn’t want to end up forcing you into something you weren’t ready for or didn’t want… again.  I do love you, Erica.  I never want you to feel helpless against me.  Not ever.”

Oh Alexis.  My eyes began to tear up the moment her rumbly soft voice had told me she loved me.  The rumble in her voice only grew stronger as she spoke, more seriousness placed behind it.  “If you ever feel like that, tell me, ok?  I’ll stop whatever I’m doing.  I promise.”  Giddy with joy, I sprung out of bed and raced over to Alexis, hugging her as best as I could with her being so much bigger than me.  I pulled myself into the fabric of her shirt, breathing in her mostly earthy scent.  

A quiet thanks escaped my lips.  “God, it’s so nice to have someone I can trust again.”  I don’t think I’d been properly hugged in a long time — unless you count our reunion in the city while I was drugged up on who-knows-what.  Suddenly, I felt something press lightly against the backs of my legs.  Realizing it was Alexis’ cupped hand, I let myself lean backwards, tucking my legs up into her palm.

Again it struck me just how massive she was.  Her grip was all-encompassing as her fingers slid around me, tucking me against her chest.  I snuggled deeply between them, wholly uncertain of what to even do with such an overwhelming mixture of relief and comfort.  I pressed her fingers tightly against me, as if the pressure would calm away such a giddy feeling.  Their textured pads slid down my legs and across my body, holding me tight.

Alexis’ heartbeat sounded so close too — just like earlier.  Only, instead of the quick pulsing throb of her calming down from near disaster, it was slow and rhythmic and loud, but in a weirdly quiet way.  The sound itself was soft and muffled, but the sheer scale of it made my bones rattle.  I would listen to it the rest of my life if I could.

There was something indescribably comforting in the way she could hold all of me in the palm of her hand.  It was terrifying at first, but now it just makes me feel cared for in a way I never really have before.  Confessing my feelings for Alexis had been a long-debated internal argument that went on from the moment I realized she’d actually returned, not just in my desperate imagination.  I don't doubt for a moment that I made the right decision.

Past her fingertips, I watched Alexis’ expression.  It flickered in a myriad of miniscule ways that you could never have noticed unless a person’s face were so much bigger than your own.  Her loving gaze grew into a little lopsided smile, which grew into a wide grin.  Heat crept across my cheeks seeing her look at me like that.  It suddenly felt a lot warmer than it did a few moments ago.  I stifled a nervous laugh, “You look so happy for once.”  Stretching out of her grip, I tried to shake off the flustered warmth.  “I am happy.  Are you?”  I nodded without a second’s hesitation.  “Never been happier,” I told her confidently.  “You think we can make things work this time?  I’m feeling really good about all this, which.. isn’t actually normal for me.”

I know what ‘normal’ is supposed to be: love unconditionally.  Or maybe it’s just a pipe dream for someone like me.  Yet.. with Alexis it’s different.  She- She really does love me.  There was really a time I told myself this was impossible; now look at me.  I was lifted up steadily until I sat in front of her face.  Alexis rested her lips on me, just beginning to kiss me again, but I stopped her with a light shove.  “Just-”  I paused, trying to think of what to tell her — how to tell her.  “Stay like this.”  I let her lips fall back across my body again.  It felt heavenly — the texture, the plush surface. 

My giddy adrenaline spike crashed into a wave of tiredness, and I gently sank against her.  “I love you so much.”  The last thing I remember feeling before I fell asleep was the slight curve of a smile against my side before I couldn’t stay awake any longer.

[scotch-superglue]

i saw scott's email to dan from that lawsuit and omg? idk i feel like an illusion or something has been shattered. i never defended her for the very questionable things she's done (m*tty, jets, etc) but in my head i've always kinda let her off for it. but yiikkees. i had no clue she was that fucking rich?? her dad sold a house for 2.5 MILLION before 2008. she definitely works hard af but she is so insanely privileged with her dad's connections and money wow.

i was disappointed seeing the new ttpd version with the one extra song. her releasing versions where 90% of the content is the same is shitty as hell. and soo unnecessary. people should be able buy a single vinyl with all the songs. and the fake limited time sales. she's gonna make it available again in a few months, but she wants people to panic buy it. asshole move imo.

the movie was even worseee omg. the tickets itself were way too high. it was 130dirhams in dubai, which is roughly 35 dollars???? WHICH IS INSANE FOR A SINGLE TICKET. just cuz it's her lucky number doesnt make it okay to charge such a high fee. it was just standard that too, not even imax or anything. tickets are generally like 30-60dhs (8-13$). made me feel insane for going with my sister.

also having shows in t*l av*v?? if she wasnt gonna speak up abt palestine, least she could do is not have a showing there. her website said that the shows are cancelled but in local theatres, it was showing.

then putting it for rent for $20, just to release on streaming a couple months later. literally insane. just trying to milk money. RENT for 20$??? what the actual fuck. she's already a billionaire, i dont understand why she does things like this.

actually i feel like i do now. after reading her dad's email, her family dynamic and her behaviour is making a lot more sense. her dad constantly talked about how much money he puts in and how he gets nothing in return etc etc. money money money. i think her greed(?) makes so much sense to me now.

the jets i understood not publishing it in real time, can be dangerous for her ig. and feels stalkerish. but threatening with a lawsuit is kinda like what? the guy seems like a piece of shit but he didn't do anything illegal. and apparently the list that swifties have been using to prove that she isnt in the top 30 isnt even accurate. she was in fact the highest polluter. extremely disappointing.

tbh i had all these thoughts in the back of my head, but i saw her as a fundamentally good person so i pushed it away a little. but like now idk. it just doesnt make sense to think that. i've been a fan for more than 12 years at this point ig, and it makes me kinda sad. i've been reading the posts on r/swiftlyneutral and like yeah?? the things they say are true?? i used to vehemently deny a lot of accusations, but yeah she is performative, and doesnt talk abt issues unless it relates to her.

i dont know what the point of this post was, feels awkward to talk abt to my irl friends so yes just posting it here

bye

[williamdecade]

It's midnight Friday June 14th 2024, as usual I always think about lots of things to say and then I don't. So while I remember I thought I'd say a little something,

For those of you that are awake you know that the world is going crazy all I can say is I hope for the best for everyone I hope things get back to normal as much as they possibly can soon. It's midnight and I'm hoping the temperature gets down to at least 78 maybe if I'm lucky in Texas almost every day is 100° during the spring summer early fall and a little portable 15-year-old AC that I had it worked occasionally when I needed it stopped working a few weeks ago so now my hope is to try to avoid heat stroke I've had heat stroke a couple times over the past recent years and it's not a good thing. I still don't have running water or many of the things that I need I'm still trying to get donations and well that's not really going all that well of course. There are lots of people out there in need and it's hard to reach the right people that can help you. I am fortunate enough to have the month one meal a day during the week from Meals on Wheels it started a few months ago I don't know how long it lasts but since I have no income hopefully that will continue to help me. I wish I had good news but I really don't know what to do most days I'm confused about everything and frustrated about everything, I deserve so much better as many of us do but I just don't know how to get there with no help, everybody that cared about me a little or a lot has passed away and I find myself alone after all this time it's been a while since I was around anybody. All I want to do is find a way to not worry anymore about being harassed for being poor or worrying about bills that I have no money for, I probably won't have electricity for much longer the charity donation that happened a while ago is going to run out soon. It's frustrating cuz people just don't understand you can't accomplish much or get help if there's nobody to help you I always say it just to remind people that there are millions of people everywhere who are truly alone and don't have help. I'm still fantasizing about fixing up the house somehow with some magical Bag of Money that appears in my bank account or at my front door or from the anonymous donor or something I try to remain hopeful I know that's a fantasy but it's what I can do for now to not go insane. I still dream of fixing the doors and windows and putting a new roof trimming the trees on the roof putting a new AC and fixing the bathroom so I actually have a working shower and tub and sync. I also dream of having a refrigerator again and having it fully stocked with food, that would be really nice maybe if you knew t-shirts and a new microwave and a couple other things I need for daily basic living. I becoming exhausted over all my health conditions I'm in pain all the time and I'm lucky when I can walk a few steps or stand outside on the back patio for a few minutes. Anyway that's me checking in I better cut off before Tumblr tells me that it was too long and it couldn't post I'll try to check in again soon and I wish all the people that deserve the best get the best. Take care of yourselves and be careful it's a dangerous world out there.