#Slowly and slowly the Bad Memory could worn out.

[lesmisscraper]

Cosette's accustoming to the convent school life.

Clips from <Il cuore di Cosette>.

[fallenprophets]

◦⭐︎・love lost

Ekko x reader

Summary: once a Firelight and Ekko's partner, you are now a mercenary, dragging yourself through jobs to make enough money to pay for food. After one too many drinks, you take a job you can't handle, and get hurt. It's no shocker who comes to your rescue.

Set at undefined time, no use of Y/N, gender neutral reader

Warnings: gore (not too bad but be mindful), swearing, mentions of death/welcoming death. 3.2 K words (oops), not proofread as always

A/N: icl guys this is one of the longer fics I've written, and definitely the angstiest one. Again, for my best friend, @sahxrii (go check out her recs, they're SO good) who I do everything for, lets be honest.

You have always prided yourself for knowing your limits; stopping when you need to stop, being reasonable about your own abilities. This has kept you out of quite a lot of trouble- avoiding fights you could not have won, not provoking people who were clearly able to whoop your ass. 

This, however, is very different, and not a common occurrence. 

First of all, you might be a little drunk- you’ve just had to numb the sting of your day with a drink, just a small one, in a tiny grimy bar run by a tall man with bright orange skin. Second of all, you’re running on two hours of sleep and painkillers (the painkillers are slowly wearing off, to make matters worse). 

And lastly, you’re in a really bad fucking mood. 

So, when your handler slides you a note with a name and address written in ugly red letters, you think fuck it, and take the job. You should’ve known this was stupid- you should’ve done what the sober, not exhausted version of yourself would have done. But instead, you accept with a bleary nod, because, to be frank, all you want at that moment is to break something. 

So you take the note, drain your drink, and leave the bar, shrugging on your worn coat. Adrenaline is already starting to buzz beneath your skin, your knuckles tingling softly in anticipation. You had never been this excited about violence when you were younger- in fact, people might have described you as gentle, even. But now, with all the things you have witnessed, all the people you’ve lost, hitting people brought a kind of release you could find nowhere else. 

Besides, there’s no one who remembers you as that gentle person left, anyway, so who are you disappointing? Yourself? You chuckle drily into the cold air, thick with gas. 

You stop in front of the building, your hands tucked into your pockets. It is big, red, and ugly (like the ink the name had been written in, you thought), bright colourful light shining from the broken windows. A Zaunite haunt, typical for a wannabe drug lord- the kind of man you were often hired to beat up or kill. You kick into the dirt at your feet, take a deep breath. You have hardly sobered up on the walk here, so your vision is still somewhat blurry, everything swimming around you like you’re underwater. 

Broken memories of swimming in an underground lake with him flitter through your mind, and you dismiss them, muttering a curse between your teeth. You roll your shoulders and make your way inside, striding in like you own the goddamn place. 

“You can’t be here,” a goon dressed all in black calls from the top of badly painted stairs. You look at him, an ugly grin splitting your face. 

“Kick me out, then,” you say, your heart already beginning to beat a little faster. 

Before you know, goons are coming at you from the sides, cracking their knuckles. The twat at the top of the stairs sneers down at you, his teeth oily and black. 

“You don’t wanna do this,” a woman on your left growls. She’s twice as big as you, her arms covered in bright red, winding tattoos. 

“I think I do,” you answer, raising your hands, which are already curled into fists. 

She lunges first, and you catch her with a right hook in the jaw. She hardly falters, but you drive your knee into her stomach. Now, she stumbles, and you leap up, narrowly avoiding an attack from another goon. You grab goon number one- the woman- and smash your forehead into her face. Her nose explodes, red and white flying all over you as she falls backwards. You spin and grab the nearest object- a stool- and bring it smack into the second goon’s middle. He collapses, and you walk over to him, drop the stool on his head. He stops moving. 

You turn to the giant of a woman, who is standing and looking at you with pure, unadulterated hatred. Her face is broken into bits, blood and spit dribbling down her chin. “Come on, then,” you say, cracking your already sore knuckles. 

She throws herself at you, twice as angry as before. You dodge, but she catches you in the shoulder. Excruciating pain shoots through you, and you realise too late that she has wicked little claw-like contraptions on her fingers. She comes at you again, slashing wildly. You jump out of the way, once again catching a claw in the face. It slices open your left cheek; pain explodes all through the area, but you grin. A challenge- you’ve always liked that. 

Somewhere in the back of your mind, a child’s voice screams at you to stop, to leave, to give up. The goon from the top of the stairs is gone. You falter when you notice this- he must be warning his boss, who is your target. You double your efforts, lunging at the woman. You manage to punch her in the stomach, but your second hit, aimed at her throat, is knocked out of the way as she drives her claws into your wrist. You scream, not really in pain but in sheer shock at the sharp metal slivers protruding from your skin. 

“Should’ve left,” she sneers into your face. You spit into the bloody mess that was her nose and wrench your arm back, kicking her, hard, in the sternum. She stumbled backwards and you pull your weapon- a machete, sheathed against your back- out, spinning it around. She assesses you for a moment, with what you realise now are robotic eyes. 

Oh. 

Oh, fuck. 

You are not fighting a person, you’re fighting a robot. Or something that’s half half- the blood spilling from her face gives you the idea that she might be made of flesh and bones, but those eyes- you’ve seen them before. She’s assessing your fight patterns, and she’s going to win. 

You duck out of the way of another attack, but she manages to graze your neck with her claws. You slash wildly with your machete, to no avail- she avoids each blow easily, and the ones that do hit, she ignores happily. 

Finally, one of your attacks hits- you aim the blow upwards, and the machete carves straight through her face. Blood, huge quantities of the stuff, gushes all over you, bone shattering under the power of your blow. You yank the machete out, momentarily stunned as she stumbles to her knees, eyes fizzing out. 

“Fuck,” you pant, stumbling backwards, “fuck you.” 

Your victory is short lived. More goons are coming down the stairs, armed to the teeth. You raise your weapon, ready to fight them all if it kills you, when you feel something strange. Your shirt has been sliced open- cold hair breezes around your stomach. You look down, and are somewhat horrified to find blood; your own blood. 

All at once, you feel nausea hit. You stumble to your knees, gasping for air. She got you- you feel the pain shooting through now. She managed to sink her dirty claws into your stomach as if you were made of mist and gas. 

Everything flickers in front of you as the last few days finally hit. You’re in so much pain, it’s almost incredible- had you been an author, you would have liked to write about this one day. It’s like your insides have been ripped out (they kind of have, you suppose) and set on fire, stomped on, pissed on- you almost laugh at the thought as your head hits the ground. 

You can’t remember when you fell. 

Your vision goes dark, flickering in and out. You see the goons approach you, pick you up unceremoniously. You are outside your body, floating somewhere beyond, watching through your eyes as they drag you outside. It is raining- you wish you could feel the raindrops on your face, one last time. 

You laughed, holding out a hand. It had been a while since you had experienced rain- in the Firelights hideout, you are protected by the huge leaves of the tree; and the Firelights hideout has everything (and everyone) you could wish for, so why would you ever go outside? 

But, after hearing you sigh softly and murmur something about the only thing you miss about your old home being the rain, Ekko made it his mission to bring it back. As soon as it rained again, he took you by the arm, promising a wonderful surprise. He offered to blindfold you, but you kindly refused when you saw that he intended to take you up the tree. You had climbed together, him guiding you gently upwards; and as you’d ascended, you had heard a beautiful, soft patter; a sound that made your heart beat speed up and your throat close. Finally, you had reached the top, and he had lifted the leaves to reveal a little area above the canopy, partly shielded from the rain with a makeshift structure made of leaves and cloth. 

Now, you sat in this structure, your side flush against his, a hand held out to the pouring rain.  

“Do you like it?” He asked softly, looking at you. 

“Do I like it?” You cried, almost incredulous. “Yes, Ekko, I love it!” You turned to him, grinning so widely it almost hurt. “Thank you,” you added after a moment. “Thank you so much, Ekko.” He smiled too, and you took his face in your hands and kissed him, and Gods knew you’d never been happier. 

You’re lying in an alleyway. It’s like you can physically feel the blood leaking from you, your life draining from the gash in your stomach and the holes in your arm. The goons have left, convinced you are dead- why didn’t they check your pulse, stupid bastards? 

It has stopped raining, but you’re soaked to the bone, lying there in the dark. Someone has stolen your jacket and your machete. 

You groaned as you lifted the jacket up to the light. A bright fabric, the colour of the sunset, now stained with dark greenish grey goo. You should have known that wearing your favourite jacket down into the mines was a stupid idea, but you’d done it anyway. 

“Stupid,” you mumbled to yourself, dropping the jacket into a heap on the floor. You wondered briefly if it was salvageable, but deep down knew it wasn’t. You’d have to find a new one, which would be nowhere near as nice. 

Someone knocked on your door, and a soft voice spoke your name. 

“Come in,” you called, still staring sadly at your jacket. 

Ekko stepped inside, his presence like warm sunlight. Despite the grief caused by the ruined jacket, you smile, turning to him instantly relaxing as he wrapped his arms around your waist. 

“I hear your jacket got ruined,” he said softly. 

“Yeah,” you muttered in response. “Upsetting.” He laughed. “I have something for you.” You pulled away, moving your hands to his biceps and looking at him. “What, Ekko?” You already knew what he was going to show you, but it warmed your heart all the same. 

“It’s not exactly the same colour,” he said apologetically, “but-“ 

You put a hand over his mouth, beaming. “I don’t care,” you said. 

He smiled back at you, releasing you to pull something out of his bag. It was neatly folded, but he held it out to you. You shook it out, and found a jacket, almost identical to the one that you had just ruined; it was a slightly lighter shade of orange, and the pattern on the back was a tree instead of the flowers you’d had on your last one. 

“You’re insane,” you said, in awe. You put the jacket on- it was a little too big, but who gave a shit? It was your jacket, gifted to you by your boy. 

You blink back into consciousness, and almost screamed. The pain coursing through you is like nothing you’d ever imagined; like being electrocuted and burned and drowned all at the same time. Despite the gaping hole in you, you want to curl up, to shield yourself from the wet and cold and pain. 

“Please,” you whimper into the ground, “please, no.” 

It’s not that you don’t want to die. In fact, you welcome death- you see it as a release more than anything else, from the bullshit life you lead. But dying here, like this- 

You start to cry, and you gag and retch as tears spill mercilessly. 

You are about to give in- you have given in- when a bright light seems to fill your vision. It is green and orange and yellow and pink and warm and fills everything around you. For a moment you think you’ve died, and this is some kind deity welcoming you into the next life, whispering I forgive you don’t worry as it carries you away. But no, the truth is much harsher than that. 

A face hovers into your field of vision, and warm hands tug your shirt upwards. You want to protest, but your throat is dry from all the retching and sobbing you’ve been doing. A cloth presses down into the wound in your stomach and you howl, eyes rolling back in your head as the pain grabs you by the throat and fucking throttles you. 

“Stop,” you manage to whimper. “Why- why are you doing this?” Your voice is hoarse, you’re crying again as you try to shut out the pain. 

You hear shouting- words like help and home and quick- and black out again. 

When you come to, you are no longer lying wet and dying in an alleyway miles from home (where even is home anymore? It’s just you, and that orange jacket, which you don’t even have anymore). 

Your surroundings slowly swim into focus (swimming, your brain sings, swimming in an underwater cave, hands on your waist, kisses all over). You are lying down, mercifully dry and warm. Pain pumps through you in waves, mostly coming from your wrist and your stomach. You wonder, again, if this is some afterlife- if so, it is far less cruel than your parents described. 

But then, you turn your head, and pain sears through you. 

But that is not what makes you cry. 

He lifts his head instantly as he hears your quiet sobs, and he’s at your side, a hand carefully gripping yours (he’s avoiding the bloody bandage wrapped around your wrist, you realise), the other gently brushing soft fingers over your bruised face. “It’s okay,” he says, even though you think he doesn’t mean it. It’s not okay- you ran away, got yourself beat up, almost killed, and he’s had to rescue you. Of course it’s not okay.

“Ekko,” you whimper. 

“It’s okay,” he repeats, stroking your hair away from his face. Instinctively, you curl away, wanting to hide your injury from him. He shakes his head, his eyes brimming with tears (or maybe you’re delusional, because who would cry over you?) 

“I-“ Your words are lost in a pathetic sob, and you turn your face away from him. 

“Don’t,” he says. A pause. “How are you feeling?” 

You croak out what should’ve been fuck but instead comes out as a bad imitation . You would’ve laughed, in any other situation.��

“What happened?” His voice is so soft, so kind, it makes you want to rip your eyeballs out and stuff them into your ears. 

You shake your head. You don’t want him to know what you’ve been up to since you left the Firelights. 

He lets go of your hand, and for a moment you think he’s leaving you. It wouldn’t surprise you, to be honest. But no, he doesn’t leave you. Instead, he leans over, inspects the bandages wrapped around your midsection. Your mind instantly flashes to him prodding it, digging his fingers into your wound and calling you names. You wouldn’t blame him. 

“You’re an idiot,” he says finally, still glaring at your bandaged stomach. 

“Excuse me?” That is the first full statement you manage to force past your shredded throat. 

“You’re an idiot,” he repeats with just as much gusto. “I mean, how could you just go and do this?” He gestures at your injuries. 

“I didn’t-“ 

“What, think? Yeah, I can tell.” His face is partly obscured, so you can’t tell what face he’s making. 

“I-“ 

“You’re so stupid. I mean, did you really think you could survive taking on all of the goons in that building?” He snorts to himself. “At least tell me the pay was worth it.” 

You’re somewhat incredulous. All the time you’ve known Ekko, he’s never been this outright mean to you. 

“What-“ you sputter, unable to find the words. 

“Did you not think for a moment that you might get killed?” He puts extra emphasis on the word killed, and it’s like a punch in the gut. When he turns his gaze onto you, you think you’d prefer to have the goons rip you apart than see him look at you like this ever again. 

“I’m sorry,” you manage to say through a fresh tightening in your throat. Your eyes sting and you’re about to turn away when you see his expression. 

He’s smiling. 

“What?” You almost choke out. “What is it?” 

His smile is the softest thing you’ve ever seen. It’s the sunlight, shining through the leaves of the tree; it’s the rain gently pattering on the roof of your childhood home. It’s the smell of old books and wood. 

It’s so painfully home. 

Your eyes sting, and you turn your face away from him, swallowing the bile rising in your throat. He still smiles at you like that, after everything you’ve done. 

He takes your hand again, his other beginning to gently trace patterns on the bandage on your stomach. It’s such a soft, kind gesture. He used to do that, you remember with a pang, when you two would lie in bed together: draw little patterns on your back with his fingers, when he thought you were asleep. 

“It’s okay,” he says, and for the first time, you wholeheartedly believe him. 

“I’m sorry,” you repeat, because those are the only words your throat will allow out. “I am.” 

“I know,” he murmurs. He hesitates, then leans forwards, kissing your forehead gently. “Just…” he trails off, his gaze now focused back on your bruised face. “Don’t do that again.” 

You promise him. Not with words, but with the feeling in your chest, the loosening of your lungs and throat as you watch him watch you. You promise him with the way your knuckles have stopped aching for more skin to break, with the way your eyes water again. 

You promise him with all that you have, because that is the least you can do for him. 

“I love you,” you mumble, almost sheepishly. 

“I love you too,” he answers; there is no hesitation, no layered but only if… behind the words. He says it back with the same confidence he gives orders, the words more of a declaration than softly spoken pretty things. 

“I’m sorry,” you add, after a few moments of just watching him breathe. 

“I love you,” is his answer. 

You shut your eyes, and he squeezes your hand. 

[moonlight-prose]

smoke and ash

a/n: this is based entirely on a post made by the amazing @cavillscurls and i was given permission to write it for her cause the idea actually made my brain go numb. plus just the thought of this man having an oral fixation paired with someone who also has an oral fixation?? beautiful. filthy. spectacular. it's quickly written cause i had the inspo at the time and really didn't want to lose it. so enjoy!

summary: cigar smoke trailed after him with every step, his mouth always desperate for something to wet, something to bite down on. and you with the match between your teeth indulged him every which way.

word count: 1.4k+

pairing: old man!logan howlett x f!reader

warnings: EXPLICIT SO MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY!!, oral fixation, spit kink, choking, dry humping, desperate!logan, overstimulation, cigars, they're fucking messy, dirty talk.

A dark stain of saliva coated the base of a match as you sat sprawled on his leather couch. Your teeth dug into it, creating an indent that would last until you decided it was time to strike the phosphorus and let it burn down. Sometimes they snapped. Other times you tossed them in the trash. Tonight you were intent on lighting it up—solely for the cigar currently stuffed in between his own lips.

He sucked at the end thoughtfully most nights. Glasses perched on the edge of his nose, a book he'd read a hundred times over propped in one hand—whiskey in his other. Half of it was already burnt through. Used within the span of a few days before stubbed out and saved.

“Interesting story?”

The soft hum was all he offered, his eyes flicking back and forth between the lines even though he could recite the words from memory. The pages were worn from use, spine cracked every which way, and you often considered buying him a new copy. If just to give the story a chance to breathe in his mind. Sink beneath the depths of memories that still floated along the surface—seeking to ruminate in the cracks of chaos.

“Logan.”

“Bub?”

“What does it taste like?”

At last he looked up, eyebrows lifted and fingers moving to drag the sticky wet cigar out of his mouth. “This?”

You nodded. “Good or bad or…”

“Better than those fuckin’ matches,” he scoffed, pointedly glaring at the splintered wood between your teeth—a nervous habit you had yet to kick. “C’mere and find out.”

Scrambling off the couch a bit too quickly, you found yourself perched in his lap, legs straddling his hips with a smile painted across your lips. He removed the match, flicking it into the discarded ashtray with contempt—happy to have your mouth empty and waiting. Only to place the soaked butt against your tongue, his tongue swiping across his bottom lip at the sight. You always imagined what the flavor resembled. Until it finally dawned on you.

This is how it tasted to kiss him. The bitter tang of the cigar muted by the flavor of the whiskey he drank and the mints he chewed in his spare time. You sucked on the remnants of his saliva, your mind lighting up at the feel of it. Of having something stuck between your lips, a thing you could fixate on.

“Taste’s like me don’t it?”

You nodded, shifting against his body as the first spark of heat began to slowly meld with the rest of your senses.

“Good girl,” he mumbled, the book forgotten to the side in favor of his hand sliding along your throat, thumb catching just beneath your chin. “Suck on it harder yeah? Want it to taste like ya when I smoke it again.”

A whine cracked in the back of your throat, your hips catching on the zipper of his jeans. “What about you?”

The mumbled words caused spit to drool down to your chin, his eyes tracking the slide of it with a heavy gaze. He wanted to lick it up. Swallow down what you offered. But the sight kept him transfixed—your tongue sliding along the end of the cigar as if it were his cock. Soaking it in your taste enough to drive him a bit closer to the edge, his other hand suddenly a harsh grip on your ass.

“I got what I need,” he replied with ease. “Yeah?”

You nodded, catching the glaze of desire in his dilated pupils. He wanted more than an empty mouth. The cigars appeased a side of him no one saw, a man who ached for something to bite down on, someone to taste even in the most mundane of ways. He was your guard dog looking to chew, to gnaw, even if spit flew out of his mouth with a feral edge of desperation. And with a grin, you stuffed three fingers into his mouth right down to the knuckle.

He took them with a moan, tongue laving over the length of them as his hips bucked up into yours. The hot cavern of his mouth and wet slide of his tongue drew out a sound you never knew you could make. A biting grunt that made spit fly everywhere, splattering against his cheek to mix with his own.

Ripping the cigar from your mouth, you hastily licked around his full mouth. “Suck harder for me baby.”

They met the back of his throat, choking him enough to force his head back. His eyes rolled, nostrils flared, and for a moment you felt the power dynamic shift. You were in charge. Telling him what to do to appease the ache of pleasure growing in the pit of your stomach. And it might have lasted. He very well could have given you complete submission if it weren’t for the lack of the cigar in your mouth.

A growl rumbled up from his chest, eyes flashing dark enough to send a thrill down your spine, and before you could fix your mistake he rectified it for you. Three fingers—to match your own—were pushed harshly against your tongue, hooking behind your teeth to drag your face closer to his. You didn’t need to hear him to know what he wanted.

The intent blazed in his hazel eyes well enough: suck.

Through the haze of wanton lust you felt his hand begin to guide your hips along his crotch. The bulge of his cock straining against denim, pushing the metal zipper up for your clit to catch on each time. Clad in his flannel and cotton panties, you found yourself plummeting towards the burning ache that built faster than you could comprehend.

You ripped your hand from his mouth, burying the spit soaked fingers into his hair to grip him close. But it never remained enough. He wanted to delve beneath your skin. Seek the warmth that seeped from your body where his fingers kneaded and pushed to drag you to a fro. His teeth latched onto your shoulder, the sweater pulled to the side while his fingers met the back of your throat, choking you with their size.

A cry slipped past his knuckles as you humped his clothed cock—dragging yourself inch by inch towards the release you could practically taste. It clung to the tip of your tongue—the saccharine flavor intertwined with the tobacco musk of his fingers. You swallowed around them, drool spilling down your throat and pooling at the top of your breasts.

“That’s it,” he gasped, a line of bites trailing right to the juncture of your neck, his spit smeared across your skin. “Gonna cum for me?”

You whined harshly, body going taut as your clit pulsed rapidly with the impending wave of bliss that tugged sharply on your spine. The pain of his teeth puncturing hard enough to draw blood dragged a knife through the thin strand  of resistance. And you came with his name at the back of your throat and white bursting behind tightly shut eyelids.

“Yes. Fuck–” His growl ran down the length of your spine, body trembling in his tight grasp. “That’s my girl.”

Unconsciously your nails punctured the skin at the back of his neck and with a jolt, he groaned long and ragged against your throat. A dark wet patch formed beneath his jeans as you soaked him with a spit filled cry. The pleasure wrung your body dry, pulling the final dregs of your energy straight from the source. Your chest heaved, mouth a gentle suckle at the very base of his fingers, and Logan could feel you begin to collapse forward into his chest.

“You really like when your mouth is filled,” he mused, lips curling into a smile.

Nodding, your voice was a content hum—his fingers dragging at the back of your teeth, tracing their shape. A kiss was pressed to your head, body slumping further into the chair with you atop him.

“Gonna get you some more matches in the mornin’,” he mumbled lazily. “My pretty girl needs a treat for being so good.”

Your heart fluttered, eyes glistening with the devotion you’d never dare to hide. The love that burned with the power of an eternal flame. Settling into his body, you felt his hand drag along the expanse of your thigh. Calming the storm in his mind—a catastrophe you longed to weather with him.

You were the balm to his weathered soul.

A permanent fixation of smoke and ash that surrounded his charred and splintered heart that burned for you.

[allfearstofallto]

Ok so, I've been having this taught of reader falling into a coma and not remembering anything from what happened before waking up. Which yandere do you think would take advantage and which would feel bad about doing so?

And why is it Diluc?

You were told you told a nasty fall. Right down the stairs at that. You're quite the clutz, one of your maids joked to you, but it's not like you'd remember. Everything about yourself, other than your name was blurry. Your name and something else. Red hair. Long red hair flowing down his back. Other than that, your mind was empty of memories, like you'd been reset with nothing.

"Master Diluc will be here shortly," the maid said with a smile as she used a wet cloth to dab the knot on your forehead. Swollen and painful, you could see the water in her bowl turning red from the dried blood, but she still smiled. Almost as if she enjoyed tending to you, "He's been dying to see you. You've had him worried sick, my lady,"

"Diluc...?" You repeated his name back, it felt foreign on your tongue, yet all too familiar at the same time. You forced yourself to think on that name as you'd done your own and nothing came up. Just empty, hollow, and blank.

She chuckled at your response, "Your husband! My boss. Master Diluc?" She tested these words while staring into your eyes, waiting for any sign of familiarity, but that flicker never lit in your eyes, and you grew more and more confused as she spoke. She watched your face change and in turn, hers did as well. You recognized the expression she was making. A look of worry and fear, that she tried to mask.

"I-i...have a husband?" You asked. The idea sounded crazy even to you. You'd gotten married and completely forgotten the person, forgotten the wedding, forgotten yourself.

Her little bowl was sat to the side and she dusted her hands on her apron. Moving quickly, she gave you a weak, worried smile as she marchd to the door, "I'll go get master Diluc." She said hurriedly, and she was gone. Leaving you in an unfamiliar room, with a strangely comforting ticking of a clock.

It wasn't long before the door opened again and he stepped in. He looked serious, almost scary, but also strangely remorseful. His eyes danced over to your forehead, where the bump was, then back to your face. His lip quivered as he knelt down at your bed side, reaching out to take your hand and being surprised that you allowed it. But his touch was gentle, he traced his thumb up and down the back of your hand, testing words on his tongue before he finally asked, "What do you remember?"

A weak smile formed on your lips. How could you tell him nothing? Or that all you had were bits and pieces of memories and even then, they weren't anything to go by. Yet that little shy smile was more than enough to tell him what you were thinking. He grimaced a bit before taking your hand and squeezing it, his touch was warm, borderline hot against the back of your hand.

"I'm your husband, Diluc Radnvindr and you're my wife. We've been married for two years," he spoke slowly, as if he were explaining this all to a child who wouldn't understand, "We live just a little bit outside of Mondstadt, I own a winery and the surrounding land as well."

At his mention of marriage, you looked down at your hands. Bare. Not even the indent of a ring on your finger.

"We don't have rings?" You questioned curiously, but sure enough, when you looked at his hand, he was wearing his wedding band dutifully. A plain gold band that wrapped around his finger.

Diluc's face tensed when you asked the question. It was an odd expression, not the type to face you expected your husband to make. But he still reached into a table at your side, opening a velvet box and showing you a similar gold band, only this one sparked with jewels and gems. It looked practically brand new. Not even a scratch or fingerprint on it. Almost like it'd never been worn.

"You always told me you weren't too fond of rings," he muttered, but his face looked sorrowful, "I couldn't force you to wear it so you never did."

You looked at that ring and you saw pure beauty. It looked like it was forged with love. You couldn't imagine why you didn't wear it, it was to pretty to not be seen. When you slipped the ring out of the box and onto the finger, Diluc made a face that was a mixture of surprise and horror. You gave him a questioning glance, but only was met with a stiff, but reassuring smile.

Days went by with you being a doting wife to Diluc, but the back of your mind something always felt wrong, like you were doing everything wrong. When you questioned why Diluc always ate his meals in his office, he did sit and eat with you at the table, but the maids looked confused at the sight of him. When you mentioned that it was strange that you and Diluc had supposedly been married so long, but didn't share a room, he allowed you into his bed. But even seemed uncomfortable by your presence.

Your dreams were restless that particular night. You dreamt of memories that you'd forgotten like you were living through them again. It was pouring rain and your heart was pounding. As you ran through the gardens, your feet bare and filthy with mud, all you could think was that you had to get away. But away from what?

Your heart thumping in your ears seemed even louder than the rainfall, your clothes soaked, fear being the only thing that pushed you further. When your wrist was grabbed, you screamed. Screamed harder than you had in your entire life. You expected to see a stranger when you turned, but instead you were met with familiar red hair, and angrier red eyes. Diluc.

He struck you. Hard across your cheek. It was a stinging slap, only calmed by the cold rain water hitting your face. Before you could even get the chance to fight, Diluc was dragging you back the way you came. Towards the manor. Towards your prison. You dug your feet into the mud, but you didn't stand a chance against his superior strength.

When you awoke in a cold sweat, chest heaving and eyes threatening to cry, his arm over your waist felt more like a restraint than a comfort. He slept peacefully right next to you as your mind tried to make sense of your dream, your memory. A pit formed in your stomach, a feeling of fear and worry as you thought about every strange thing about your marriage. About the strange way the maids looked at you. About how Diluc himself seemed almost surprised by what you assumed was typical martial affection. You swallowed hard as faint memories came flooding back. And the sudden realization of the fact that you were being lied to. And the liar, the cause of all of it, was nuzzling his face into you side.

[tremendouscreationperson]

Logan x Reader pt.3

Listen here folks, I remember a lot from the movie however most of those memories are Hugh Jackman's abs

I hope this is alright, I added a few bits and obviously there will be dialogue that I have forgotten but I really hope it's semi-good, I know a lot of you have wanted a third part so hopefully it lives up to your standards 🫶

There be "violence" in this one

<< Part 2 Part 4 >> Masterlist

Logan had spent the journey drinking Gambit's booze and watching you sleep. You looked younger when you slept, less worn. He used to love taking you to your room when you fell asleep grading his pupil's papers or even just watching TV in the sitting room. He'd scoop you up in his arms and secure you safely in your room, then eventually he'd settle you in his. 

You had said the word husband yesterday, that wasn't lost on him. You'd been married to your version of Wolverine. One that wasn't too ‘macho’ to ask. One that loved you freely. He was a fucking idiot for being scared to take that leap. He and you had settled into a fuck-buddy-but-there-were-feelings-involved situation. 

He could've had more with you. 

Maybe if he was with you he wouldn't have been at a bar when the humans attacked.

He was lost without his friends but he was truly wrecked without you. When he found your body amongst the pile of mutants something inside him snapped. He couldn't stop hurting people. It began with the bad, then the semi-bad, then the not bad and eventually he killed innocents. He killed people that didn't deserve it. He made a bad name for the mutants and the X-Men. He killed the X-Men by tarnishing the memory. 

He couldn't be without you again. He'd bring you with him, take you to wherever Deadpool was taking him.

Surely he could convince you.

“You'll have to wake her soon.” Laura's voice pulled him from his thoughts. She was staring intensely but not in an intimidating way. He didn't think she could stare without the intensity behind her eyes. She was born with it, through him. 

“I will.” He agreed. 

“You want some?” She raised an open cereal box. He didn't know why but he didn't want to insult her any more. He accepted some and thanked her. It was chalky but tasted vaguely like chocolate. Laura still just watched Logan, every stretch of his jaw as he chewed and eventually swallowed and then she still gazed into his soul  “You love her.” 

Logan didn't think it was a question but responded. He couldn't disagree if he wanted to. “Yes.” 

“I do, too.” She flicked her eyes to your face and then turned her head, repositioning herself on Blade's shoulder. 

Logan stayed still for another few minutes but the silhouette of the giant, Wade called Paul Rudd, became visible in the distance. It was time to wake you. 

He delicately shook your shoulder and you frowned, grumbling and burrowing higher into his neck.

“Baby.” Logan shook you again, and you let out a huff, squinting open one eye. “We'll be there soon.” 

You raised your head and slowly sat up, eyes sleepy and letting out a small yawn. Logan gave you a soft smile as he flattened a piece of hair that had stuck out, his hand slid down to caress your cheek. 

“You could come with us.” 

“With you?” Your brain was still mush. “I can't leave them.” 

“No.” He lied. “You should be up there in the skull with ‘Pool and me. It would be a better vantage point for you.” 

The plan was to have Laura, Elektra, Blade, and Gambit on the offence whilst you were their defence. You always were the protector, the shield of the group. Wade and Logan were going to distract and then use Juggernaut’s helm to bargain with Cassandra Nova. 

You took a moment to consider with your slow brain but then agreed. “Yeah, that's probably a good idea.” 

You continued to wake yourself up, preparing for a fight. It wasn't hard to, everyday in this wasteland was a fight. Everyone seemed to work for this Cassandra lady which meant that they wanted to kill you for not. 

In your peripheral you saw Blade open the sunroof, before rummaging in his bag.

Gambit spoke over the radio, “so, ami, ‘e gonna be ‘lastin’ a way through those’re hands.” 

“What he means to ask is how are we going to get through? I feel like that was an integral part of this plan and I have miss-” Wade cut himself off when he felt movement behind him. Blade had stood and freed the rocket launcher, hoisting it over his shoulder and aiming. “Oh my god, where did you get that?” 

El glanced through the rearview mirror and answered, “Punisher.” slamming her foot down on the gas.

“What one there's been like five?” 

You couldn't hear the end of his question as Blade fired the shot, it landed right in the centre breaking the fingers. 

“Hold on!” El ordered as she expertly spun the car to the left. 

Smoke plumed as you all were quick to exit. Elektra, Wade and Blade were to the left side. Logan, yourself and Laura to the right, Gambit was in the middle shuffling his deck. 

The others: mutants, supes, enhanced, all crowded you, waiting for the order to kill. There were familiar faces such as Lady Deathstrike, Toad, Juggernaut and Blob. There were others that you were fairly sure you recognised through their distinctive features despite them having different faces, like Azazel and Pyro. 

There were a good fifty more circling you, Laura smirked putting her sunglasses on. Blade spun his weapons then tapped one on Elektra's sais in a ‘cheers’ motion. Wade had his katanas out and your Wolverines both extended their claws. You and Gambit, the only ones with ‘magic’ powers stayed fairly still, well, as still as he could be. 

Cassandra was standing above you all in the skull of an Ant-Man, you remembered when he got there. She was quick to free him of skin and then organs. Positioning him in this horrid way, using his body as a base. It made you sick when you thought of the palaces and the buildings that came through the portals in abundance. 

“You came back.” She spoke. Her accent was posh but her tone was clipped. Clearly annoyed. 

“You have to send us back!” Wade shouted. 

She gave you a smirk and retreated into the right eye socket. 

Here's where the fun begins. 

“Let's fucking go!” Deadpool yelled. You all let out a war cry, Gambit's being “Allons!” as you all depart at the same time, each of you taking a side and going for it. Blade went toe to toe with Toad, Elektra fought Lady Deathstrike, Logan fought a very large man you didn't recognize, Wade fought a Doc Ock, Gambit took on a group of four, and Laura went for the big guy himself. Juggernaut. 

You were paired with Azazel. The man zapping about, striking you and vanishing before you could catch him. It took his tail tripping you for you to land on your back and actually be in a good-visibility position. Quickly you trapped him in a forcefield. It was an intense battle of power. The field had been a bubble but you wrapped it around his appendages and forced him to stay in one spot. Forced him still. But he struggled. He fought against you, red mist seeping from the forcefield as he thrashed about. 

You had trapped him but couldn’t do anything to dispose of him. If you flung him away he would just reappear and it was getting noticed that you were distracted. Quickly you rose to your feet, arms still extended, shaking with brute force and out of the corner of your eye you could see her. She ran towards you and you dropped on hand flinging a force field in the shape of a disc - you had so eloquently named a forcedisc - at her. It sliced through her side but she didn't stop. 

“El!” You yelled, barely dodging the acid she spat. Your arms stayed extended in the same position but you managed to kick her in the chest as she took a deep breath. She spluttered, acid dripping down her face and landing on her shirt. Her skin was immune but the fabric burned. 

Elektra spun to your call and nodded, having fought with you before she understood what was needed. 

You moved Azazel over to her and Elektra stabbed him, your forcefield opening just as the sai made contact. 

As you focused on the exact millisecond to release your palms, ‘acidgirl’ was able to choke you from behind. You conjured a muzzle over her mouth and held it there. Quickly plucking your knife out. 

Killing wasn't exactly new to you but it always felt bad, no matter if the feeling got smaller and smaller each time. You still felt guilty as you thrust behind and stabbed her stomach. 

Once you released the field her acid fell upon your shoulder. The suit fizzled and you were quick to pull the fabric from your skin. It still burned through but you pushed on. 

“Oit L/N!” Wade shouted over spinning cartoonishly across Logan's back to stab someone. 

You hadn't realised how isolated you were compared to the others, you were right at the back of the group, by the car. You threw out some forcediscs holding them stationary and jumped on them, over the heads of those trying to kill you. You ran, ascending up, towards the skull, flinging a couple out for Wade and Logan. They were quick to follow your cue and you made sure they and you got to each eye socket. 

They entered the right as you perched in the left, finding yourself at a much better position strategically.

Their plan was distraction. Yours was protection. You could do yours in your sleep. Quickly stopping a hammer landing on Elektra and misplacing a punch to Gambit. 

You had gotten more powerful being here. You had to. Your forcefields were no longer merely for protection, they could now be used as a force. Similar to Jean’s telekinesis except you were still using the forcefields, only they were now differently shaped, i.e. the ball that had knocked into the man's fist when he aimed for Gambit's face. 

A gate fell to the floor, landing on the Honda, and a creature stalked out of it, dark claws crushing the car as though it was tissue paper. 

You were quick to try and halt the thing. It was a humongous wolf? You couldn't be sure as it had two sets of eyes and three tails. It was clearly not from your version of earth. 

“Let it go!” Blade yelled up, smiling wide. “I got this!” 

You obeyed his order and focused your energy on Laura. Who had just decapitated Juggernaut. That's my girl. 

Quickly you flung multiple discs for her to jump onto, she was efficient as always and leapt towards the right eye socket when Psylocke's lasso yanked her back.

“Laura!” You screamed, instinctively opening a field around her head and closing your fist, crushing it - you'd never even thought to do that, never once occurred to use your power that way - just in time your baby tossed her backpack into the eye socket and it skidded across the marble floor and straight into Deadpool's awaiting hand.

You hadn't even noticed what was going on behind you. There was talking and now nothing. Sneaking a glance you saw Logan on his knees with Cassandra holding his cheeks. Her fingers disappeared into his skin, he was twitching slightly but she looked peaceful. 

Wade quickly revealed the helm and tiptoed behind her. 

“BOOM!” Gambit’s voice could be heard and then a series of much larger explosions than you were used to detonated. 

You were brought back to the battle at hand and decided that maybe crushing heads was the way to go when you saved El, who had been cornered by two men. 

Blade, having been fighting the beast, was currently sat on top of it and plunged a knife into its head. Downing the creature. 

There actually wasn't an awful lot of enemies left to fight and you were feeling good about the outcome when you saw it.

Alioth. 

The celestial dragon had its gaze set upon you. “Guys!” You called down. “Alioth is coming!” 

Realistically there wasn't anything you could do. You couldn't shield them from this. But perhaps Cassandra could? Did she save people from the dragon? Surely she didn't offer them up, right?

“Get inside!” You ordered and quickly turned to find Wade holding her firmly with Juggernaut’s helmet forced upon her. 

Logan was talking to her and you jogged over. 

“Alioth is coming.” You informed. 

“I can't save you with this on my head.” She taunted. 

“You won't save us anyway!” Wade countered, “Logan, you want me to off her?” His fingers twitched near her neck. 

“No.” Logan shook his head. 

“You sure? I'm right here.” 

“It's not what-Charles wouldn't want that. If he knew about you, my Charles, he would stop at nothing to come find you. To save you. He would've loved you.” 

You had known Cassandra for her reputation. She was the big cheese, she called the shots, she had an immense power and used it to do whatever she wanted. Everyone else were her playthings. But here, with the helm on, she looked small. She was tiny and thin and her eyes glossed over at Logan's words. 

“Mine, too.” You knew you didn't have to speak but you wanted her to know. That was the X-Man in you. Charles’ influence. Everyone deserves help. 

She looked at you and you felt as though she was looking into your very soul. Her eyes, even powerless, were weighty. 

“We can't release her, she'll kill us.” Wade reminded you. He wasn't wrong. What could you do? What should you do? 

You didn't have the time to think of a plan. “We need to hurry up, that monster is on its way.” 

A gunshot echoed through the skull as well as your own. You quickly forced a shield up, covering the four of you. 

Pyro was behind it, pointing the weapon at Cassandra. Your eyes followed the angle to see she was beginning to bleed heavily from her stomach. 

“I am tired of being her errand boy! 'Do this, get that', well no more!” He sauntered towards you all, the gun lowered to his side, you slowly eased the shield back as he spoke. “When is it my turn? First Magneto, then Apocalypse, Scarlet Witch and now Cassandra Nova!” 

When he was within range Logan silenced him with an efficient right hook. You know it hurt, because that man was heavy. 

“Not everyone gets a speech.” 

Blood splurged from Cassandra’s mouth as she coughed. “Shit!”  

“Wade, you have to take her helmet off.” 

“She, again, will. Kill. Us.” He tightened his hold. “You missed it, she said she'd ‘rub herself silly watching’ a second ago!”

“She's dying.” You argued. 

Logan agreed, “she needs her powers to help us, we're stuck here if she dies.” 

Wade let out a frustrated yell before he conceded and yanked the helmet off her. Her body fell to the floor as he let go and you were quick to help her. 

“It's okay, can you hea-” She was already up and standing, leaving you kneeling on the floor. “Oh.” 

You stood to your full height and watched as she kicked Pyro’s body before addressing you. “A wizard came through here. He died and I got this.” She revealed a fancy ring. Causing Wade to gasp and say ‘strange’. “You saved me and I am curious to how this will play out...so I suppose I can get you back, but you better hurry. As your friend mentioned, Alioth is coming.” 

Cassandra raised her arms and spun a circle, forming a physical one as she did. It crackled and sparked and in the centre was a street. There were cars and houses and people. It was home. Or a version of a home. 

It was civilisation. 

After all this time you could smell it. 

“Go on.” She nodded towards the ‘portal’. 

Logan grasped your hand and you were tempted. By god you were. 

But Gambit, Elektra, Blade and Laura. Your Laura who you had to help with her periods and hygiene; Laura who came into your room when she had a bad dream; Laura who had offered to help feed Blade - in a similar fashion that Logan did - because she ‘healed’ and didn't want you guys to suffer. 

You pulled free from him. “I can't leave her.”  

“Y/N.” Logan tried again. “This is your chance to escape!” 

“I won't leave her.” You clarified. 

“I-” 

“Guys, chop chop!” Wade accentuated the words with a clap. 

“Save the world and come back for me.” You offered lamely. It was a very long shot. But what else could you say? You knew he was here to save Deadpool's world, if it worked maybe you could all live there?

“I can't lea-” 

You pushed him away. “Go. I'll be here.” 

.

.

Part 4

[winwintea]

hey mr. dj (keep playing this song for me)

PAIRING ↬ secret agent!lee donghyuck x reader

TAGS ↬ action, drama, romance, haechan past revealed he's actually a secret agent omg, mark is in this too, there's a cult that steals bones from people, but still happy ending for hyuck/n i'm not that mean

WARNINGS ↬ bone stealing cult, character death, multiple character death actually, cult does some supernatural stuff idk

SUMMARY ↬ they have his bones.

WORD COUNT ↬ 4.2k+

AUTHOR’S NOTE ↬ ITS HERE!!!!!! this took me so long to edit and it's still bad i apologize. it's actually a sequel to another fic i wrote called the call. you can read this as a standalone if you want, the plots are wildly different. not sure if i would really call this a sequel bc it's more of a prequel then sequel. i wasn't inspired by +82 pressing lol (i wrote this mostly before it came out) but the mv kinda similar so i'll put it here still. title is from the backstreet boys song!

THE STEADY BEEPING OF MACHINES FILLS THE HOSPITAL ROOM.

“Hey… I’m here. I’ve been waiting for you,” a soft, familiar voice whispers from beside his bed.

Slowly, Haechan’s eyelids flutter open, revealing a world of bright white lights and the persistent hum of medical equipment surrounding him. His body aches and he blinks away the disorientation that clouds his vision.

There you sit, quietly in a worn armchair, your hand gently clasping his. Despite the pain, his heart stutters with relief.

“Y/N… what happened?” he rasps, his voice raw and hoarse.

You squeeze his hand, a small smile of reassurance on your lips, though your eyebags reveal the worry that has shadowed your face. “I was so scared, but I’m glad you’re awake now,” you murmur, brushing a tear from his cheek.

For a moment, the room falls silent except for the persistent beeps of the monitor. Haechan’s gaze drifts upward, the brief flash of regret and unspoken sorrow passes over his face.

You lean in closer, sensing that behind his pain lies a story you have only glimpsed. “You don’t have to tell me everything right now,” you whisper, careful not to press too hard. “Just rest. I’m here for you.”

Haechan’s hand tightens around yours, “I…I wish I could remember,” he admits, his voice barely audible.

Suddenly a memory comes to Haechan in vivid, sunlit hues. A gentle recollection of a day when the world felt delightfully simple.

Inside a quaint, warmly lit café, soft indie tunes play in the background while the aroma of freshly brewed coffee swirls around the cozy space. Haechan remembers how he hesitated at the door, his heart pounding in anticipation as he scanned the room. That’s when he saw you, sitting by the window with a book in hand and a genuine smile that seemed to light up the entire place.

Taking a deep breath, he made his way over, rehearsing a greeting in his head. When he reached your table, he couldn’t help but grin awkwardly. “Hi… I’m Haechan,” he began, his voice laced with a mix of shyness and determination. “This might be weird, but I thought you looked really cute and… ugh do normal guys do this?”

You looked up, your laughter light and genuine as you set your book aside. “Normal? I doubt it,” you teased, your eyes twinkling, “What can I do for you Haechan?”

Haechan chuckled, feeling the warmth of his cheeks wash over him. “I’m just here for the best cup of coffee this place can serve. And maybe, if you’re not too busy, for some company.”

You smiled, sliding your chair a bit closer. “Well, lucky for you, I happen to be an expert in both coffee and conversation. So, what’s your secret? Are you a professional coffee taster by any chance?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “No, nothing like that. I just appreciate a good cup of coffee—and a good laugh. Though, I must admit, I’ve had my share of… adventures.”

Your eyes widened playfully. “Oh? I suspected you were hiding something exciting behind that calm smile. Maybe I’ll hear about your ‘adventures’ some day.”

Haechan’s gaze softened as he appreciated your genuine interest. “Maybe one day,” he whispered, the corners of his mouth tilting up in a secretive smile. Yet in that moment, the only truth he needed was the simple joy of being with you.

For the rest of that afternoon, the two of you talked about everything and nothing—favorite movies, the pros and cons of the city, even the best recipies to try. The conversation flowed effortlessly, all the while, Haechan’s mind danced between the present and the shadows of a past he was desperate to leave behind. 

As the café began to empty and the golden afternoon light slowly faded into the promise of evening, Haechan found himself wishing the day would never end. In your laughter and gentle teasing, he discovered, sometimes life’s simplest moments were the most extraordinary of all.

The fluorescent lights in the safehouse flicker intermittently, casting a stark glow over scattered maps, dossiers, and a well-worn leather jacket draped over a chair. Haechan sits across from Mark at a cluttered table, a steaming cup of coffee between them, the air seems thick with tension.

Mark leans forward, his eyes sharp behind dark glasses even in the dim light. “We’ve got a new target,” he announces, “The Bone Maestros. They’re a cult that takes bones as payment for debts.”

Haechan arches an eyebrow, a dry smile tugging at his lips as he sips his coffee. “A cult is crazy. Bones, huh? At least they’re upfront about their currency,” he quips, though his voice carries the undercurrent of grim determination. “Maybe they wanted someBODY to love.”

“Dude, shut up.” Mark chuckles softly, shaking his head. “You always find a way to use a cringe joke while talking about serious shit.” His smile fades as he slides a dossier toward Haechan. “This isn’t a joke, though. Their methods are ancient, twisted, and ruthless. We need to stop them before they claim any more victims.”

Haechan studies the file, as Mark points out various details on the map.

“They’ve been operating in the shadows for years,” Mark explains. “Every debt, every betrayal—they demand a price in bones. It’s for ritualistic purposes apparently.”

Haechan leans back, his mind racing through past missions and the scars they left. Despite the danger, he can’t help but appreciate the irony. “You know,” he muses, half to himself, “after everything, I never imagined my greatest enemy would be a bunch of bone collectors. Like do we work at the museum or something?”

Mark grins, the tension easing slightly. “We’re targeting two key players tonight—Karina and Giselle. They’re scheduled to appear at that notorious nightclub downtown.”

Haechan nods, the gears in his mind turning as he visualizes the mission. “I guess it’s time to put on our best disguises, huh? No bones about it.”

Mark laughs, shaking his head in mock disapproval. “That was so stupid, please don’t ever say that again. We need to be focused.” His expression turns solemn again as he adds, “Just remember, this isn’t a game. Every decision counts, and we’re in deeper than ever.”

The nightclub feels like a living, breathing beast. In a secluded corner away from the chaotic swirl of bodies on the dance floor, Haechan sits with Mark at a small table. The atmosphere is charged with the thrill of the night, yet a rare moment of calm hovers between them.

Haechan’s gaze drifts across the room, where you stand, bathed in the flickering neon glow. In that fleeting moment, the tumult of his secret life softens into a quiet, desperate hope. I've had enough of the violence. I wish this night would never end… maybe then I could have a normal life with you. 

After you seem to notice him, you beckon him over as he rises and makes his way through the crowd. Mark catches Haechan’s determined look and throws him a teasing glance.

When Haechan reaches you, he leans in with a warm, disarming smile. “Tonight, I just want to forget the chaos… and maybe, for a little while, be just another guy on a date,” he says, his voice low and sincere. 

You chuckle softly, thinking he’s just saying things, meeting his earnest gaze with playful defiance. “And what happens when reality comes crashing back?” you tease.

For a suspended moment, the cacophony of the club seems to fade, replaced by the quiet beat of your shared heartbeat. “I pray it never does”.

From across the table, Mark arches an eyebrow and smirks, his silent encouragement a reminder that while the mission looms in the background, haechan can have his fantasy, if only for a moment.

“Mark, behind you!” Haechan shouted, as he dove for cover behind a stack of crates. In a narrow corridor behind the nightclub, Haechan and Mark moved with calculated precision. They were just steps away from their target when the ambush struck. 

Mark was already reacting. He pulled Haechan up with a firm grip on his arm, their eyes locking for a brief moment. But before either could recover, a hail of bullets erupted from the shadows. 

“Keep moving!” Mark roared above the din, his voice gruff. Haechan scrambled to his feet, mind racing with the only thought of survival. They darted through a maze of narrow alleys and twisted passageways, trying desperately to shake off their unseen assailants. 

Yet, fate had other plans.

In the midst of a particularly sharp turn, a sharp crack echoed, followed by a searing pain in Mark’s side. 

Time seemed to halt as Haechan spun around, eyes wide with horror. Mark staggered, clutching his wound, his face contorted in agony.

“Mark!” Haechan cried, dropping to his knees beside his partner. “Hold on, please… stay with me!” He tore off a strip of cloth from his own shirt, pressing it desperately against the wound. 

Mark’s eyes, usually so full of unyielding confidence, now shimmered with a mix of pain and resignation. “Haechan,” he managed, his voice weak and slurred, “I… I can’t… keep going.” His hand gripped Haechan, “Finish this… for both of us.”

“You promised… we’d do this together.” Haechan’s fingers trembled as he attempted to stem the flow of blood, his vision blurring at the edges with unshed tears.

But the chaos around them wouldn’t let him linger in grief for long. The ambush was relentless, and even as Haechan’s heart shattered, he knew that every second counted. In a final moment, Mark’s grip slackened. His eyes shut, and with a final whisper, “Please… go be with that girl, will you…?”he was gone.

The world around Haechan spun in a maelstrom of noise and fury. Every instinct screamed for revenge, for justice, for closure. He refocuses on the enemy before him. Emerging from the shifting shadows, Karina appears, eyes filled with no regret or remorse.

“Haechan,” she hisses, voice laced with malice as she lunges forward with a serrated blade glinting in the strobe lights. Every instinct in Haechan screams at him to retaliate, and with a ferocity born of grief and determination, he raises his weapon.

In a blur of motion, the world narrows to the sound of rapid gunfire. 

The first bullet finds its mark in Karina’s shoulder, eliciting a grunt. 

The second slams into her chest, the impact rattling the steel of her resolve. 

The final shot, a brutal punctuation, seals her fate.

Karina staggers, a look of shocked disbelief etched on her face as she crumples to the ground, her eyes wide before slowly closing.

For a split second, the chaos pauses. The only sound is the fading echo of gunfire and Haechan’s own ragged breathing. 

At that moment, Giselle, who had been lurking silently in the periphery, watching with a calculating gaze, realizes the tide has turned. Her smirk falters as she watches Karina fall. Without a word, she retreats into the labyrinth of darkened corridors, her footsteps fading into the distance as she vanishes from the scene.

Haechan stands alone amid the shattered remnants of the confrontation. His heart hammers in his chest as he surveys the grim aftermath, the echoes of his shots still reverberating in his ears. The cold reality of what he has just done settles over him—a brutal act carried out in the name of survival and vengeance.

He takes a deep, shuddering breath, the memory of Mark’s final words fueling his resolve. “I’m sorry, Mark,” he murmurs, voice cracking under the weight of his grief. “I promise… I’ll make them pay.

After the adrenaline of battle faded, Haechan found himself alone on a rooftop overlooking the city. The cool night air did little to soothe the rage burning in his heart. Every raindrop that fell seemed to echo the memories of Mark’s final moments, each one a reminder of a bond shattered in the chaos from before.

Haechan sat on the edge of the rooftop, knees drawn close as he stared down at the shimmering cityscape below. The neon lights flickered like distant stars. In the solitude of that moment, he allowed himself to remember the life he once dreamed of. Of peace. Of silence. 

I can’t keep living like this, he thought, his heart heavy with regret and exhaustion.

A familiar voice echoed in his memory—the soft, steady reassurance of you.

“Maybe… maybe I deserve more than this,” he whispered to the rain, his voice barely audible over the patter of water on concrete. His mind raced with visions of a future where he wasn’t forced to hide behind layers of secrecy. A future where he could wake up next to you, share coffee in the early morning light, and forget about the chaos that had defined his past.

In that reflective silence, Haechan made a decision. He would resign from the covert world. He longed to trade in the weight of his past for a chance at normalcy, to finally embrace the warmth of a simple, unburdened life with you.

With a slow, deliberate breath, Haechan reached for his phone. His fingers trembled as he opened a secure message thread: a final communication to his superiors, a message that would sever his ties to a world of darkness. An apology for the life he was leaving behind, and a firm statement that he would never return to that endless cycle of violence.

Before sending the message, he paused, his thoughts drifting back to Mark. “I promise I’ll honor your memory by living the life we never had,” he murmured softly. “I’ll find peace—if only for both of us.” The resolve in his voice was resolute, carrying with it both sorrow and the spark of a new beginning.

The message sent, Haechan let the phone fall from his grasp. And as he looked up at the stars, Haechan vowed that no matter how difficult the road ahead might be, he would fight for the future he deserved.

[The Night of the Attack]

The night was thick with neon haze and the steady pulse of electronic beats—a temporary escape from the dark corridors of Haechan’s past. He’d joined his friends at a downtown club, hoping the laughter and the reckless rhythm of the evening might drown out the memories he’d worked so hard to bury. Glasses clinked and bodies swayed on the dance floor, yet every so often, a shadow of Mark’s loss would cross his mind, a reminder that the violence he’d left behind was never truly gone.

Between bursts of forced smiles and half-hearted jokes, Haechan lingered on the fringes of the revelry. He laughed at his friends’ teasing remarks, even when his heart wasn’t fully in it. “Come on, man, loosen up,” one of them urged, clapping him on the back. But Haechan’s thoughts were elsewhere.

Lost in this inner turmoil, he barely registered the vibration of his phone until it jolted him from his reverie. He pulled it from his pocket, expecting a routine message, only to see an unfamiliar number flash on the screen. His stomach knotted as he hesitated, then swiped open the message thread. The screen displayed a cryptic, jumbled text:

“…they have my bones.”

For a heartbeat, the world stilled. Haechan’s pulse pounded so loudly he was sure his friends could hear it. His breath hitched. The number was one he recognized all too well—Mark’s old number. But Mark was gone. The icy realization that the Bone Maestros might have taken something so integral, even symbolic, from his fallen partner sent a shiver down his spine.

His mind raced—was it a warning? A trap? Or a final message from the man he’d lost? The implications were chilling. In the secret, twisted rituals of the Bone Maestros, the bones of their victims weren’t mere remains; they were tokens of debt, relics imbued with a dark power that defied nature itself.

“Hey, you alright?” Jaemin suddenly asked, leaning in as he noticed Haechan’s sudden change in demeanor.

Haechan recollects himself, a forced smile plastered on his face. “Man, I’m good,” he says, leaning into a laugh that sounds more brittle than genuine. “Just needed a minute to catch my breath, you know?” His friends nod and tease him, unaware of the tempest raging beneath his calm facade.

Yet, as the night deepens and the neon haze thickens, a flicker of recognition strikes him like a lightning bolt. He recalls that mysterious woman from earlier at the bar—the sultry flirtation he’d so casually dismissed. It wasn’t random at all. In the shadowed corner of his memory, her eyes had burned with a dangerous intensity, a promise of unfinished business.

Haechan’s inner voice hisses, She wasn’t here for a casual chat... she’s Giselle. Fuck. The realization claws at him. The very woman he’d brushed off earlier. He only assumed she was determined to reclaim what the Bone Maestros believed was owed, and her supernatural grasp over the bones of their victims was just one of her many weapons.

Lost in thought, he nearly misses her arrival until she steps out from behind a pillar, her gaze fixed on him like a predator stalking her prey. Her eyes flash with a cold resolve that sends shivers down his spine. Giselle’s lips curve into a sinister smile as she approaches him through the swirling crowd.

“Hello, Haechan,” she purrs, her voice smooth yet laced with undeniable menace. “I was hoping we’d meet again tonight.”

Haechan’s heart pounds, and for a moment, his carefully maintained facade cracks. Around him, his friends laugh and chatter obliviously, still convinced that he’s merely enjoying the night. But in that instant, the vibrant pulse of the club becomes a stark contrast to the dark undercurrent of fate closing in on him.

“Giselle,” he replies, the name tasting bitter on his tongue. His voice is steady, though his inner turmoil rages like a storm. “What do you want?” His tone is curt, laced with both fear and resignation.

She leans in close, her eyes gleaming with a mix of triumph and wrath. “I’ve come to collect what is mine,” she whispers, “You know the price, Haechan. The Bone Maestros never forget their debts.”

For a fleeting heartbeat, Haechan’s mind floods with the disjointed messages and memories: Mark’s desperate words, the cryptic text about his bones, and the knowledge of supernatural forces beyond his control. The realization is as paralyzing as it is inevitable. Giselle is not merely a random woman, but the harbinger of his past catching up to him.

Around him, his friends remain blissfully unaware, their easy banter a painful reminder of the life he longs to lead. The safe haven he’s built in pretending that everything is fine is crumbling, and the cost of that facade becomes all too clear.

Giselle’s grip tightens on his arm, her touch both seductive and dangerous. “Come with me, Haechan,” she commands softly. “There’s so much we need to settle, and I promise you, it won’t hurt… too much.”

The choice stands before him like a jagged chasm. Every instinct screams to run, to hide from the darkness that has come to claim him. Yet, beneath the terror, a cold, calculated determination begins to take hold. By agreeing to accompany her, he might buy time—time to figure out a way to neutralize this threat and perhaps salvage a fragment of the future he’s dared to imagine with you.

“I… I have to go with you,” Haechan admits, his voice barely above a whisper, heavy with reluctant resignation. “Can I make a quick call? It’s to my girlfriend. I won’t tell her anything. Then I promise I’ll come with no struggle.” His words are laced with sorrow as he steals one last, agonizing glance at his friends before turning back to face her again.

Giselle’s smile widens, predatory and unnerving. “Alright,” she murmurs, almost caressing his words. “Let’s see if you can keep your promise, Haechan.”

“You always thought you could escape your past,” Giselle’s voice rings from his ears, “Now, you are mine to command.”

From her belt, she produces a length of rope-like material that shimmers with an otherworldly glow. Etched along its surface are archaic symbols that seem to writhe and shift in the dim light. As she advances, those symbols pulse like a heartbeat.

Giselle wraps the enchanted restraint around Haechan’s wrists and ankles. The ropes constrict with an almost sentient force, the glowing symbols intensifying their grip. 

Fuck. This isn’t how it should be, he screams internally. I must fight… I must break free. His muscles strain, and he lashes out with a flurry of blows, his fists connecting with the cold, unyielding restraint. But the ropes absorb his anger as if they were made of shadows, leaving him exposed and vulnerable.

The chamber itself seems to close in around him. The walls, illuminated by the feeble glow of arcane symbols, reveal faded murals depicting ancient rituals—a macabre dance of sacrifice and retribution. The floor is littered with fragments of shattered glass and worst of all… bones. Of past victims, he presumed.

Giselle circles him like a predator, her gaze never leaving his face. “You can’t hide behind your strength or your secrets, Haechan,” she hisses, her tone a disconcerting mix of mockery and genuine threat. “I know all that you’ve tried to bury. And now, I’m here to reclaim what is owed.”

In response, Haechan grits his teeth and summons his remaining will. “I’m not yours to command,” he growls, voice raw with defiance despite the searing pain in his arms and legs. He manages to twist his torso, forcing a weak, yet determined punch toward her side. For a split second, hope sparks in his chest as Giselle stumbles, only for her to counter with a swift, brutal kick that slams into his ribcage, drawing a cry of agony.

The clash turns into a frenetic blur of desperate moves. 

Haechan’s strikes are fueled by the twin fires of vengeance and despair, while Giselle’s counters are as graceful as they are lethal. In the brawl, Haechan’s cheek is split open by a sudden swipe, and bruises start to appear across his arms. In return, a vicious blow finds its mark on Giselle’s jaw, causing her to stagger momentarily, a thin line of crimson trailing down her face.

Giselle, her eyes flashing with both fury and a twisted satisfaction, leans close once more. “You can fight, Haechan, but you can’t escape fate,” she murmurs, her lips stained with blood. “I’m here because the Bone Maestros demand it, and I… I must see this through.”

Haehcan refuses to surrender completely. In a desperate, last-ditch effort, he summons the resolve to break free, throwing himself against the nearest wall. 

The steady beep of machines returns, replacing the chaotic echoes of a nightmare with the soft, measured hum of the hospital ward. Haechan’s eyes flutter open to a familiar, gentle face hovering over him. You’re there, sitting by his bed with a mixture of relief and cautious concern. 

“Hey… Haechan,” You murmur, squeezing his hand tenderly. “I need to tell you something.” The words are soft, almost hesitant.

Haechan’s throat feels dry, his memory hazy and fragmented. In a quiet, remorseful tone, he manages, “What… what happened?” He feared for the worst. Were you breaking up with him? Did you know about his secret past, his past identity? Did Giselle tell you everything?

Your gaze drops to his eyes, searching for the familiar light you love, and speaks gently, “That woman you were with… she… she died of her injuries.” 

For a long moment, silence blankets the room. Then, in a voice laden with regret and reluctant confession, Haechan finally speaks. “I—I didn’t have a choice,” he stammers, his eyes darting away as if trying to hide the painful truth. “She… she blackmailed me into going with her. I had no time to think… I had no choice.” 

Your expression softens, though a hint of worry flickers in your eyes. Despite the vagueness of his confession, you clutched his hand tightly. “Haechan,” you whisper, “I’m just glad you’re safe. I don’t need to know every detail—as long as you’re here with me.”

In that quiet hospital room, filled with the steady rhythm of life’s persistence, the two of you share a fragile moment of connection. Your simple reassurance wraps around him like a protective blanket, soothing the tumult of guilt and regret swirling in his mind. Though Haechan’s heart remains heavy with the secrets of a dangerous past, in this moment, the promise of love still persists. 

But Haechan knew this was far from over. Giselle may have been dead but the Bone Maestros were not. The mystery of that text from Mark’s number still perplexed him. Who sent it? Was it Mark? Was it someone else? And if they did have Mark’s bones, what were they going to do with it?

In the final, silent moments before dawn, as the hospital room returns to its hushed stillness, Haechan’s haunted gaze shifts to the darkened hallway beyond. In that fleeting look, a promise of danger yet unresolved burns behind his eyes. The true peril is far from over, and the ghosts of his past are waiting in the shadows to reclaim what was once lost.

hehehehahaa

TAGLIST ↬ @lyvhie @aquaphoenixz @galacticnct @yizhrt @polarisjisung @multifandomania @spacejip @peterm4rker @viasdreams @mango-bear @yesohhsehun @theandypark @yuthabitz

[nerdygirlramblings]

Hi~ hope you are doing great and having a good time; sorry to bother you, but can I ask some poly 141 x reader who is a veterinarian, or dog caretaker or trainer or K9 unit; and has taken care of many dogs, pets, service dog, militar dog, and so on; and the team saw her a little more introverted, seeing her eyes a little watery but not that red, still working but seeing the tell signs of touch starved and then they learn or know that a dog she helped bring into the world when born, now she had to put to sleep for injuries or sickness, what would they do? Since not many know how painful it is even if not your partner or dog have to do this?

Sorry for the long part, and feel free to ignore if too bothersome, actually I'm a vet and Im all teary, but can't really cry or bent since my family is cold or strick and the rest say like 'its just a dog's, and I'm also touch starved, sorry for this; just that I need a little comfort

Best regards :)

Oh @boogeysmoth I am so so sorry! I can't imagine how hard the bad days must be. I'd be heartbroken and crying all the time. (We're a family that believes in fur babies, so I get it. I hope this helps a little bit.)

cw: implied child neglect (memory), animal death (off-page), poorly executed accents

Everyone on base knew who you were. Soft, sweet thing who was definitely more comfortable with dogs you trained than the people. It was an open secret on base that, despite what you were training the dogs to do, you recognized their value as therapy animals. Soldiers often found their way to your portion of the yard after a mission gone wrong or when a unit lost someone or when the memories just became too much. You were patient with the soldiers who came to you, teaching them commands so the dogs could continue their learning and yet support the troops in a completely different way. You never shied away from the soldiers in those encounters, perhaps recognizing something in their hollow look, a kindred spirit in need of tender care.

The 141 in particular was well acquainted with your work. They never said it, but in their eyes, you were theirs.

Simon knew how it felt to feel like you didn't belong. Gaz understood what it was like to care for so many others with your whole heart. Price recognized the weight of responsibility you carried; your job was to train and watch out for your dogs the same way he did for his men. Soap saw how you retreated into yourself, like Ghost had when they met, and vowed to pull you into a world that might not deserve your sunshine.

It was Ghost who noticed first. Back from a solo mission, he'd swung by the K9 grounds on his way to the barracks. You were on the field like usual, but as his steps slowly brought him to the edge of your space, he saw you hesitate to reward your current charge after a followed command. There was stiffness where once had been ease, distance when you were typically close.

In Price's office for debrief, he said, "Somethin's wrong." Price merely raised a brow, so he continued. "She's actin' like the dogs are a chore. She loves them damn things." He paused, thinking of his childhood, the indifference from some who was supposed to love him. "'S not right. She loves them, Price. And if she's actin' all cold, somethin' happened."

So Price started watching too. Saw what Ghost meant, how you didn't seem to want to touch the dogs any more than you needed to. When two rookies came up, looking to sit with the dogs, you turned them away. There was no hard look, no sharp retire, but it was one of the meanest things he'd seen on base.

Several days later Gaz was sent to the K9 unit with a pile of slightly worn blankets. Requisition order gone wrong and they were far too small for the barracks' beds. He walked into your office, smile in place, and said, "Got some presents for your pups, doll."

You looked up blankly at him and the blankets. "Oh. Er, that's nice, but the dogs don't need them." You turned back to the papers on your desk, but Gaz stayed rooted where he was. You were always looking for comfort items for the dogs to make them feel cared for. You asked for stuffed toys and never turned down blankets and soft bedding.

Two weeks after Ghost first saw something off, Soap came around the edge of the K9 kennels to find you weeping in the back of an empty cage. Kneeling in the back, face buried in your hands, quietly sobbing. He didn't hesitate to open the unlocked gate and join you on the cement floor.

You felt a strong arm wrap around your shoulders before pulling you into a warm, solid chest. Quiet shushing and a whispered, "Ah've got ye," accompanied by gentle rocking. He stayed with you as the tears tapered off, and only when they were done did he ask, "Ye want tae talk about it?"

Your inhale was fast, shakey. The tears were barely at bay when you started talking. "I had to put him down," you said, voice laced with grief. Soap couldn't remember the last time he'd heard someone's heart break, but he swore yours did as you spoke. He didn't say anything, but the arm around you squeezed a little tighter. "My little Rascal. I know he's in a better place, but I miss him." The tears started again, and you didn't even try to staunch them. "And I don't know if I can keep doing this," you said between sobs. "I know what happens to these dogs in the field. I'm giving them over to be slaughtered!"

He could hear the change in your breathing, the breaths coming faster and faster. "Ach, bon! De ye no see how much good ye do?" He positioned you so he could see your face. "Love, ye give hope! The dogs ye train help keep us safe, an' we do our best to keep 'em safe in return. We treat 'em like another member of a unit. We doan let 'em get slaughtered." Deep down you knew this, but hearing it now helped ease the gaping ache in your heart just a little.

Your breathing slowed slightly. But before you could reply, try to tell Soap he was wrong, he continued in a whisper. "An' here ye help us feel human again when ye let us be wi' the pups." Shame raced through you, remembering how you'd turned the privates away last week.

You hiccuped and said, "I don't think my heart can take it to keep caring." You were so quiet Soap could have pretended he didn't hear you, but you and the dogs deserved better.

"Oh, love. When it hurts too much tae care, you come find us, yeah? We can help set ye tae rights."

You nodded. "Okay," you mumbled. "I think I can do that."

He stood and pulled you up, walking backwards out of the empty kennel. "And Ah ken the best way tae start," he stated, maneuvering you further down the hall to the full kennels. He put a light hand on your waist, deftly pulling the keyring off your belt. He found the cage with the youngest dogs and tried each key until one worked. When the lock clicked, the three puppies on the other side of the gate came running. Soap pulled you in behind him and closed the gate. He took a seat on the floor and patted the space next to him.

By the time you dropped to the ground, two puppies were already climbing on Soap's lap. He coaxed the last into your arms. You stayed with him, arms full of warm puppy, until you felt the cold grip around your heart melt.

an: This was a little tribute to my in-laws doggie of the same name and my cat menace, Mushu. They're over the rainbow bridge now. ❤️

main masterlist

[oaksgrove]

Still With You

pairing: Kyle "Gaz" Garrick x Deaf!Reader

synopsis: You’ve been struggling—financially, emotionally, with the weight of silence pressing in. But Gaz refuses to let you bear it alone.

warning: Mentions of past injury, disability (deafness), financial struggles, emotional hurt/comfort, Gaz‘s soft kisses™.

word count: 724

Gaz finds you on the balcony again.

You’re sitting on the worn-out patio chair, knees pulled up, arms wrapped around yourself as the city sprawls out below. Neon lights blink lazily in the distance, washing the streets in faded blues and reds, but up here, it’s still. Isolated.

He knows this look on your face. The way your fingers twitch against your sleeve, the way your shoulders draw in tight like you’re trying to hold yourself together. He’s seen it too many times in the past few years—since the accident, since you walked away from the team, since the silence swallowed up the life you used to know.

It still hurts him to think about it.

You used to be inseparable. Best friends. Constant banter, late-night drinks after missions, stealing each other’s food when one of you wasn’t looking. Gaz had been there through it all—through promotions and rough deployments, through every scar and scrape. And then…

Then everything changed.

You never said it outright, but he knew why you pulled away. Knew the frustration gnawed at you every time someone had to repeat themselves or when you couldn’t follow conversations in loud rooms. Knew you hated the way people looked at you now—not as a soldier, but as someone damaged, fragile.

Gaz never saw you that way.

And yet, despite everything, you’re still here. Still breathing. Still you.

He leans against the railing beside you, close enough that his warmth seeps through your sweater. He doesn’t speak yet, just watches you, letting you feel his presence before lifting his hands.

“Bad day?”

Your eyes flick to his, tired but still sharp. Your hands move sluggishly in response. “Bills.”

His brow furrows. “The hearing aid?”

A hesitation. Then, a small nod. Your fingers tighten around the fabric of your sweater before you sign again, slower this time. “Rent went up. I had to use the money. I don’t know when I’ll be able to afford it now.”

The frustration in Gaz’s chest flares instantly, hot and unwelcome, but he bites it back. Not at you—never at you. Just at the sheer unfairness of it all.

You’ve been saving for years. Scraping together every bit you could from your retirement, from odd jobs, from anything. The government didn’t exactly rush to help, and even though the team offered, you refused to take a cent. Too damn proud, too damn stubborn.

He exhales through his nose, forcing himself to stay calm. You don’t need his anger. You need him.

So, he does what he’s always done. He reaches for your hands, taking them gently, cradling them between his own. His thumbs brush over your knuckles, slow and deliberate.

“We’ll figure it out. You’re not alone in this.”

You stare at him, searching his face, as if trying to find something deeper beneath the words. There’s a flicker of hesitation before you shake your head, breaking eye contact.

“I miss it,” you murmur, voice quiet, but there. Not signing this time. Speaking. “The noise. Your voice.”

Gaz feels his chest tighten.

He’s never asked if you remember what he sounds like. If the echoes of his voice still linger somewhere in your memory, or if they’ve already faded away. The thought makes something twist deep inside him.

He squeezes your hands, grounding you. Then, carefully, he lifts his hands again, making sure you see every movement.

“I’ll remind you every day if I have to.”

Your breath hitches.

You stare at him again, longer this time, fingers twitching like you want to say something but can’t find the words. And then, finally, you let him in.

Gaz moves slowly, giving you plenty of time to pull away, to stop him—but you don’t.

His lips press against yours, warm and certain, lingering just long enough for the world to fall away. There’s no urgency, no desperation—just certainty. A quiet promise written in the way he tilts his head, in the way his fingers tighten ever so slightly around yours.

“I’m here. I’ve got you. I always will.”

When he pulls away, your eyes are still closed for a moment, like you’re trying to hold onto the feeling.

Then, when you finally open them, there’s something softer in your gaze. Something that wasn’t there before.

For the first time in a long time, the silence doesn’t feel so empty.

taglist: @honestlymassivetrash @pythonmoth @kittygonap @rainyjellybear @anonymouse1807

[revelboo]

I feel like a dumbass, but when did Reader learn Soundwave's name in Bad Idea? I went back through the chapters to try to find it but couldn't find when

Nah, I’m the dumb one. Reader didn’t learn his name until Lazerbeak used a recorded clip of it to interrupt. It should be fixed now- too many ongoing storylines and too many little details. Apparently trying to keep 50+ storylines going at the same time was a terrible idea 😅

Clumsy Heart Pt 4

IDW Soundwave x Reader, Shockwave x Reader

• Venting tiredly as he watches Shockwave accidentally knock you down again, Soundwave reaches to catch the scientist’s wrist. Trying to not shudder when he feels those empty places in Shockwave’s mind. Touching someone always creating a circuit he can’t shut out, letting in their thoughts, their emotions. Letting him feel the broken parts, too. And the fact that Shockwave is contemplating dissecting you. Again. “You brought the human for me,” he reminds Shockwave, watching those antenna flick.

• That’s right. “We could improve it. Maybe more legs,” Shockwave growls, head tipping. That horrified look on your face strangely unsettling. “It’s too helpless.” Not sure if he’s trying to justify it to you or Soundwave, but you retreat to the far end of the desk, arms wrapped around yourself. Bad things happen to the helpless. He remembers- what? What does he remember? Slumping back, he tugs his arm free of Soundwave. Not his memory. Just like that other face he remembers is no one. Not him. “I could make you better.” Little head shaking at him, you lean as if to gauge how far a fall it is. Far enough to break you. “Don’t.”

• “I don’t want extra legs or anything else.” Eyes darting between the two, you’re tempted to take your chances with a broken neck. Because the cyclops creeps you out. Skin crawling whenever he touches you. It’s probably the lack of a face, no expression to read. The other one’s face is hidden by his visor and mask, but it at least looks like there is a face under there. Soundwave. Creepy is Shockwave, you remind yourself. “What do you want with me?” Besides mutilating you for fun. Experimenting on you.

• Rubbing his servos against his helm, he pushes Shockwave’s hand to the desk and holds it there when he slowly begins to reach for you again. “You’re safe, little one,” he says, offering you his hand instead. Watching you look from him to Shockwave, your fear so sharp it hurts. Knows all you see are two monsters keeping you against your will. No matter what he says, you’re not going to trust him. Why should you? “Come here.” Reaching slowly, he feels your fear spike.

• Snarling softly when you back up again, Shockwave sees your heel miss the edge of the desk. Sees your eyes widen as you throw out your arms and find only empty space when you pitch backwards. That look on your face, equal amounts shock and terror. Not making a sound as you inhale sharply. And he’s lunging across the desk, accidentally shoving it toward you as he reaches and finds you. Servos closing on you and then you finally scream. Feels Soundwave dragging his hand you’re trapped in toward him, but he can’t move, shivering slightly. That look on your face. Is that the look he’d worn when they’d seized him? That never happened. Wasn’t him. Aware of Soundwave prying his servos loose, of the pained sounds you’re making as you curl into yourself and the memories of that stranger pull at him.

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[arvandus]

The Beauty of Broken Things

Barbatos x GN!Reader

Content warnings: SFW; reader with (vague) mental health issues; Reader has self-deprecating thoughts and low self-esteem; hurt/comfort; lots of dialogue; romance; first kiss (cuz I'm a sap 💚)

Author's Note: Not me coming out of hiatus to drop this at 1:20am on a weekday. ANYWAY.... I was going through it a month or so ago and this was very therapeutic and self-indulgent to write. Hopefully you'll find some comfort in it as well. 💚

You creep into the RAD greenhouse under the cover of the Devildom darkness.  The warm yellow lights, usually on to allow students to observe and take notes,  are turned off for the evening, causing the devildom flora to transform from something familiar to something alien, branches reaching like arms and long, pointed leaves stretched out like grasping fingers.

But despite the sinister threat of danger that is interlaced in the native plant life, it still feels comforting.  The gnarled limbs and black leaves feel more protective than threatening, arching over your head to provide a canopy of privacy in the quiet, uninhabited space.

Usually the greenhouse is a bustle of student activity, with botany classes often perusing the aisles with their notebooks and art students lingering with their sketchbooks.  But classes had long since ended, the busy chaos of academia ushered away by the sinking of the large Devildom moon, bringing with it night within night.

You need this.  You need the silence, the privacy, the darkness.  The House of Lamentation doesn’t offer it.  The Demon Lord’s castle is also not an option as you don’t want to impose purely for the sake of self-isolation.

No, this is perfect.  It is safe, safer than losing yourself in the real forests that press against the outskirts of the Devildom.  It is a place for hiding, a place for becoming invisible.  It is a place that makes you feel small, from the tightly clustered plants around you to the vast starry sky that slowly rotates high beyond the confines of the glass ceiling.  You could almost pretend you’re a bug, an insect, or some other small life form who’s only purpose is to exist in the here and now, moment to moment. 

Maybe then you could find peace in your mind; maybe that voice of sickness and lies that whispered louder than any demon would fall silent.

Not all days were this bad.  But the added stress, the fatigue.... you knew it was only a matter of time before you found yourself dangerously close to that pitch black rock bottom. You felt it encroaching, a shadow teasing the edges of your mind, and you knew... you knew you had to find somewhere to gather yourself, to work through it without interruption or curious eyes.

This helps.  A place of quiet, of privacy, of nature, even if the nature isn’t your own.  In its own alien way, it’s perfect.

Perfect, but also lonely. You both love and hate it, glad to be unnoticed for once but vulnerable against the rare isolation.  Rare, but not unfamiliar.  You sit with it; let it soak into your bones.  Like putting on old shoes that still fit, worn soles perfectly conformed to your feet, your mind eases into accepting that familiar ache, a feeling not often experienced anymore, but still deeply rooted in old memories and dreams.  The old loneliness hollows you out, slows the blood rushing through your veins as your mind eventually quiets to a low hum of white noise.  It brings its own twisted kind of peace; not the healthy kind that heals and rejuvenates, but the broken kind that separates you from yourself, an act of cutting rather than mending.

If you could turn to stone in this moment, you would.

But not even this will last forever, your quiet reverie interrupted by the sound of the door to the greenhouse opening and closing.  The sound of the click and the creak of the hinge is startling against the endless quiet, and it makes you jolt.  You fight the irrational urge to hide within the surrounding shrubbery, as if such an act would truly hide you at all, and instead curl in on yourself with arms and legs crossed on the stone bench where you sit.

Whoever it is, is as silent as a ghost; you hear no footsteps, nor sounds of breath.  Whoever it is does not speak, so you know instantly it is not any of the brothers or even Diavolo.  But you feel their presence, and you know they feel yours.  There is an awareness in the air that wasn’t present before, the atmosphere going from one of empty quiet, to buzzing consciousness.

A moment later, a familiar pair of polished black shoes come into your field of view, attached to a familiar set of legs that stand formally in a way that only a royal butler could accomplish.

You look up and your eyes meet Barbatos, who stares down at you with a calm, curious expression and a slight tilt of his head.  He’s still dressed in his RAD uniform, but his white gloves are removed, likely tucked into the interior chest pocket of his tailcoat.

“MC,” he says gently.  “I did not expect you to be here. You do know that the RAD campus is closed, yes?”

“I know,” you reply. 

Even so, you make no motion to move, your body still curled within itself protectively.  It isn’t so much to protect against him, but to hold onto that feeling of smallness that helps to separate you from the ache in your chest and the cacophony of your mind. 

“Why are you here?” you ask.

“Some of the flora require care after school hours, so I tend to them prior to locking up for the evening.”

“Ah.” Your sour mood strips you of your warmth, your words fading away as you retreat back into yourself.

Barbatos stares at you for a moment longer, before gesturing to the bench. “May I?”

You return his stare with your own before moving over just enough to make room for him.  The bench is small, comfortable for one, a slight squeeze for two, but he sits nonetheless, seemingly unbothered.  The proximity of him is a brand and a blessing, the heat of him surprisingly comforting while your heart thuds harder in your chest.  You’re rarely ever this close to him, any prior instances of physical contact occurring out of necessity rather than choice.

You both sit in silence for a long time.  You aren’t sure if he is expecting an explanation from you, but you couldn’t give one even if you wanted to, the struggles within yourself too tangled to fully unravel, especially with how weathered you feel.

Finally, after a few minutes, he is the one to break the silence, the smooth richness of his voice breaking the quiet that sits like a bridge between you.

“I often find the Devildom flora more beautiful in the dark.”

It is an olive branch, and you take it, a small smile curling the corners of your lips.

“Me too,” you reply.  “It feels more natural this way. When the lights are on, it feels like we’re trying to force the plants and flowers to be something they’re not.”

Barbatos stares at you for a long, quiet moment before returning his gaze ahead of him.  “Indeed. Things are more beautiful when they are allowed to be themselves.”

A sentiment you share, and yet it isn’t one you can extend to yourself, and it cuts you.

“I wish that were always true...” you mutter.

It’s a thought whispered past private lips, and you regret them instantly when his keen, green eyes, nearly black in the darkness, flick back to you.

“Why would it not be?” he asks.

You shift uncomfortably and swallow the lump that suddenly manifests where your voice is supposed to be.

“I don’t know...” you finally mutter evasively.

You feel his eyes lingering on you, and it feels as if he can read the dark thoughts that live there, shadow where sunlight should be.  But if he can read your mind, he doesn’t say so, and he doesn’t pry further.

Instead, Barbatos does something that you do not expect.  His hand covers yours, untangling your fingers from your tightly clasped palms that sit in your lap.  His touch is warm, warmer than you thought it’d be, and you can’t help but wonder how different his body really is from yours when it feels so human.

You watch as Barbatos twines his fingers with yours, a simple but shockingly intimate action.  It’s surprisingly comforting, fulfilling a longing within you that you didn’t even realize you carried so heavily until just now; an anchor of companionship, unwavering in its simplicity, gentle in its unassuming nature.  There’s a lack of expectation in Barbatos’s touch, a quiet acceptance of the here and now, of the you of this moment, rather than the ‘you’ that you always present to others, or the ‘you’ that others expect of you.

It makes something within you surrender.  It forces the dissociation from your mind, pulling you instantly back into reality, into your body. Barbatos’s tenderness, given freely without price, carves a space for itself within your chest, and it hurts, the sudden sharpness of vulnerability an open wound.  That vulnerability is unfamiliar, raw, terrifying. It calls forth your fears, makes the voices of wrongness sing louder than ever, listing all of the ways you are undeserving of this moment.  And you’re angry, angry at their presence, and their ability to ruin even this for you, to taint something peaceful and beautiful with something so ugly.

The tears finally come, blurring your vision and spilling over silently onto your cheeks.  More come immediately after, and you sniff, your nose starting to run as you wipe at your face.  A handkerchief appears within your view, and you take it, your heart too shy and embarrassed to look at Barbatos properly or even offer him a mumbled thank you.  But he shows no discomfort or disdain for your tears or lack of manners. Instead, he sits quietly with you, waiting patiently as he holds your hand securely within his own, his thumb rubbing soothing strokes on the soft skin between your thumb and index finger.

Quietly you cry, and quietly he waits.  Each second longer that you cry is a confession of your imperfection, your brokenness, and each second longer that Barbatos stays by your side is an acceptance, a forgiveness.  And so, without even speaking to one another, the very act of this shared moment provides a cleansing of your heart that you’d never felt before.  Each drop of salty water is a purge, a release.  There’s an amusing irony to it; an exorcism of sorts in a place where God isn’t welcome, supported by a creature who’s existence came from darkness.

The catharsis brings release, and the release brings fatigue.  The rigidness of your spine gives way to something more pliable, and you lean your head against his shoulder as you continue to weep, albeit gentler now that the worst of it has passed.  Barbatos lets you, his thumb barely missing a beat in its strokes against your hand.  He makes no effort to increase his physical reassurance; no arm around your shoulder, no leaning of his head against the crown of yours.  You’re grateful for it, not quite ready to be touched so completely.  Maybe soon... after all, the thought does entice you... but not yet. Not when your heart is still raw and tender.

No, this is perfect. It’s just enough.

Finally, the floodwaters of your heart recede, and you wipe away the last traces of wetness from your cheeks with his silk handkerchief. It’s damp with tears and snot now, and you know you’ll have to wash it before returning it to him.  You fiddle with it with your free hand, your thumb tracing along the cursive B that is sewn into its corner with dark thread, the color muted to black in the dark.

Your hands are still intertwined with each other, your head still resting against his shoulder, and you’re grateful for it as you find the courage to finally speak, your eyes still trained on that cursive B.

Your voice is quiet, hushed by hesitancy.  “Barbatos...I have a question...”

“Hm?”

“When I die, and my soul leaves my body.... does.... does that mean that the mental illness won’t be there anymore?  Does that part get left behind?”

“Ah,” Barbatos says softly, his voice rich with understanding. “I see.”

You sit up, although his hand still holds yours; after all, you haven’t pulled away yet.  But your eyes... your eyes are downcast, the shame of your breakdown too heavy regardless of Barbatos’s tenderness.

Now that you’ve finally confessed your fear it becomes easier to speak, and the words come more freely.  “I’m just... I’m tired of being this way.  Feeling this way, thinking this way.  It’s always there, like this big, lurking monster that I can’t escape from. Except it’s a part of me. I don’t know who I am without it. And I’m—” tears choke your words, but you force yourself to continue even as your eyes once again brim and sting.  “I’m just so afraid that it’ll never go away. Even when I die, and my soul is separated from this broken fucking body—”

A long, slender finger covers your lips, halting your impending tirade of self-loathing.  It forces you to finally look at him, and you’re surprised to see how deep the concern goes within his dark gaze.

“Shh,” he says.  “Don’t say such things.  It does the richness of all that you are a disservice.”

His words stun you into silence, and you stare at him wide-eyed.  He holds your gaze for a moment longer before taking the handkerchief from your clenched fist.  You start to protest, embarrassed at the state of it, but he ignores your concerns and uses a relatively clean spot to wipe away your new tears.

You fall silent as he cares for you, and in that silence, he begins to speak.

“You humans so often like to label and categorize things, an attempt at making sense of the world around you when you’re forever doomed to know so little. Lines of comparison drawn on a beach, not realizing that in the end, it’s all made of sand.”

You frown. “I don’t understand.”

“What you’re speaking of is a sickness of the mind, correct?”

“Yes, that’s one way to put it...”

Barbatos takes your palm in his hand and turns it face up.  “I’ve heard you humans often use the term ‘mind, body, and soul’ as if they are all separate.  Back when I spent time in the human realm, humans treated the soul as synonymous with the heart and the mind as synonymous with the brain, both housed within the body.”  With his finger, he draws one large circle, and within it, places two dots vertically spaced from each other.

You stare at your palm as you ponder his words.  “Yes,” you say, “that idea still lingers... sort of...”

 You take his hand in yours, and draw your own circles – a small, a medium, and a large, all inset within each other like a target.

“I think... I see the soul and mind as synonymous of each other, in way, that they depend on each other. Or...”

 You hesitate, your fears surfacing again as you stare at Barbatos’s open palm.

 “I think...” you continue slowly, “I think I’m afraid that they’re the same thing. That the soul only exists because of the mind. If that’s true, then if my mind is broken, then so is my soul, and I’ll be carrying that brokenness with me forever.  It’s like... trying to forge something using a metal riddled with impurities.  The integrity will always be compromised, no matter how beautiful the shape in the end.”

Barbatos’s open hand closes around yours, cradling your fingertips that still rest against his skin. He turns your hand over palm up again.

“Imagine this” – he draws a large circle – “is your body. And this” – he draws a smaller circle within it – “is your mind.”

You wait for the third circle, but it never comes.  You frown.

“Where is the soul?”

“Everywhere,” he says.

Your gaze lifts from your open hand to his eyes.  He smiles back at you in quiet mirth, then drops his gaze back to your hand.  His fingers retrace over the larger circle he’d first drawn into your palm.

“Your soul,” he repeats, “is everywhere.”

Confusion once again surfaces in the contours of your face. Barbatos stares at you for a moment as he searches for the words in a way that you can understand.  His eyes sink deep beneath the surface of you, and it makes you shift beneath his gaze.  After a moment he blinks, his amusement returning.

“Perhaps it is my choice of words that is unclear,” he says. “Allow me to try again.” 

He pokes your forehead with his index finger.  “Your mind is not the same as your soul the way you fear.  It is simply consciousness, self-awareness provided you by your biology,” he explains.

“You mean my brain.”

“Yes.”

“So my mind is just another part of my body.”

“Precisely.  Your body is merely the medium through which you experience this life, whether it’s through your senses, such as sight and touch, or through your consciousness.”

He returns to your hand, his fingers tracing the invisible large circle for a third time.

“Your soul, on the other hand, is a different thing entirely.  It isn’t something that can be contained to one organ within you.  Not your heart, not your brain.  It’s deeper than that, richer,” he says quietly, as if sharing a secret.

His touch travels, his fingertips gliding feather-light across your palm, up your wrist, following the tendons and veins to your forearm where goosebumps begin to awaken across your sensitive skin.

“It’s energy.  It’s life,” he continues. “It’s eternal, and it’s woven into every fiber of your being, a golden thread holding you together like the universe’s most exquisite tapestry.”

Your breath catches in your throat as his fingers curve around your forearm until he holds it within his hand, his thumb rubbing gently against the soft skin where your veins rest beneath. His words enrapture you, his touch enthralls you. If there was ever a moment in your life you could stay trapped in forever, it would be this one.

But the moment is short-lived.  Barbatos’s soothing touch halts mid-motion, his expression turning blank, as if he suddenly remembers himself and realizes the growing intimacy of the exchange.  He withdraws his hand, and it leaves a cold emptiness where his warmth had been.

You ponder his words, but it only leads to more questions.

“My soul is everywhere...” you mutter.  “But Barbatos... if it’s woven into my body, then how...?”

“How does your soul pass on after you die?”

You nod.

Barbatos holds his chin in his fingers thoughtfully.  “You are thinking too literally.  Perhaps it is my own failure to find the right words.  Human speech doesn’t offer enough nuance to fully describe something your kind still struggles to understand.”

He ponders a moment longer, his brow knit together in concentration.  Finally his head lifts and his gaze meets yours.  “Ah.  Perhaps we can describe it as such.  Your body is made of matter, correct? And if you look deep enough, you know that all matter is made up of atoms.  But not even atoms ever completely touch.” He takes your hand in one of his and holds it up, your palm facing him, as he brings his other hand within a hair’s breadth; close enough to feel the heat emanating off of him, but not actually touching.  “There’s a negative space, ever present yet so infinitesimal that you’d never know it’s there.”  His hand finally touches yours, his fingers aligned with yours as he splays them out.  “It is this space that your soul exists, interwoven, encapsulating every atom of what you are.”

You’re staring at your touching hands, wide-eyed now, as you take in what he’s told you.  The scope of it feels nearly too vast to properly comprehend, despite how hard you try.

“It’s all very... complicated...” you mutter as you finally lower your hand back to your lap.

“Hm, is it?” Barbatos replies with a curious tilt of his head.  “Here then, another example, but simpler.  If you were to lose a limb, would it damage your soul?”

“No, of course not.”

“Why not?”

“Because they’re separate.”

And finally, it clicks for you. 

Barbatos smiles.  “Precisely.  So, if a lost limb will not damage your soul, then why should a damaged mind?”

The weightlessness of relief begins to spread from the center of your chest, and you release a long, deep breath.

“I see,” you say.  “So when I die...”

“When you die, your soul continues on, transformed, as your body decays.”

The balloon of relief breaks and you do a doubletake.  “...transformed?”

Barbatos nods.  “Yes, by your experiences and choices in this life.”

Once again that despair rears, the dark void opening beneath your feet as you cling to your dwindling hope. You once again wrap your arms around yourself protectively, as if you are the only one who can keep yourself from falling, despite the presence of the demon directly in front of you.

“But... Barbatos,” you protest, “sometimes mental illnesses can cause people to make bad choices.  Wrong choices.  Hurtful choices.  If those can impact the soul, then wouldn’t that mean the soul does get damaged? Or tainted?”

Barbatos falls silent for a long moment, and you avoid looking into his eyes, your gaze downcast.  His hand reaches out and covers your forearm reassuringly, but your arms remain crossed.

“As a demon, I cannot attest to how just the Celestial Realm’s rules are.  I, for one, find them to be rather suffocating and arbitrary, lacking in nuance.  But even I would be shocked if such things weren’t taken into consideration when it is time for a soul to be set upon the scales of judgment.”

Scales of judgment... the idea makes you nauseous.

Barbatos’s touch to your forearm is replaced by both of his hands on your arms just below the shoulders.  You can tell from the way he moves that he is ducking his head lower in an attempt to catch your avoiding eyes, but you keep  yourself hidden lest your tears return.

“MC....” he says softly,  “are you worried that you will be judged unfairly when your time comes?”

It takes a moment for you to find your voice, and when you do it’s thicker, heavy under the weight of emotions.  “Maybe... or maybe I’m worried I’ll be judged fairly.”

“If you do not go to heaven when your time comes, then the Celestial Realm truly is run by fools.”

His words surprise you, and you finally catch his gaze, amusement beneath a raised, sarcastic brow.  Your skin grows hot and you avert your eyes for a different reason, your shoulders lifting slightly in subtle retreat.

“Well,” you continue, “you said yourself that the soul gets transformed during this life.  I’ve made some not-so-great choices, so far.  I’ve done things I regret; hurt people I’ve loved and even people I didn’t.  What if my soul is not as good as I hope?”

Barbatos gives a soft scoff of amusement, his brows pinching up in the center as he stares at you in wry amusement.  “My dear, the very idea that your soul is anything but good is quite literally an impossibility.”

Your tension loosens slightly. “How do you know?”

The corner of one side of his mouth quirks up slightly. “Well, to start, I am a demon. And as one of the oldest demons, I have devoured countless souls across my lifetime.  If anyone is to be an expert on the quality of a soul it would be me.”

Something about the way he talks so simply about his violence, combined with his intimate kindness, makes you feel lightheaded.

It takes an extra heartbeat for you to find enough air in your lungs to speak.  “And, uh...what does a demon such as yourself consider high quality?”

Barbatos stares distantly, and for a moment he feels ancient.  When he speaks, his voice seems almost otherworldly, holding a resonance to it that wasn’t there before.  “It varies from demon to demon.  Some enjoy the flavor of corruption upon a soul, some prefer the sweet, crisp freshness of innocence and purity... but all human souls possess something that ours lack, something that makes us crave.  We’re drawn to it, in the way your human realm plants are drawn to sunlight.” He pauses and shakes his head.  “No, perhaps that analogy is too mild.  It is more how the Devildom’s Succubus’s Kiss lures its victims into its choking vines with the sweet promise of fruit.”

You swallow for a moment, your throat suddenly dry as you stare at your now empty palms where your longing for him sits abandoned.

“You make it sound as if humans are the dangerous ones,” you chide.

A half-hearted attempt at a joke, but Barbatos chuckles nonetheless.

“Yes; perhaps you are.”

You can’t tell in this moment if he’s referring to ‘you’ as in humanity, or ‘you’ as in something far more personal.  It only makes the curiosity sharper, honed on the whetstone of your pining.

“And my soul...” you continue, “what do you sense, Barbatos?”

Dread immediately follows your bold and vulnerable question, fearing what he must inevitably see in you.  Is Barbatos the type to enjoy the flavor of corruption, to find value in broken things?  Or is he more of a purist, always a keen eye for perfection?  You fear you already know the answer as you take in his crisp RAD uniform, his perfectly smooth features.  Your gaze falls downward, an attempt to hide what you’re sure he already knows.

One heartbeat, two.  Then your chin is being tilted up by his thumb and forefinger until your eyes are forced to meet his.  There’s a hint of luminescence in them, the green noticeable now where it wasn’t before, pushing against the dark monotone of night that previously washed his irises in near-black. His eyes are searching, seeking, finding, and you can feel the magic, the power that unravels every defense, every barrier.  Finally, his gaze settles, the green quiets to a deep, sleeping forest of pine in winter.  It’s peaceful; soothing.

If Barbatos’s earlier release of your arm was to provide distance from the growing intimacy between you, then the attempt was in vain.  Because now the affection in his gaze is unmistakable, the deep shadowy green cradling you the way his fingers cradle your chin. It weakens you, makes you feel like putty in his touch.

“You glow,” Barbatos whispers, “like sunlight trapped in ripples. It’s blinding, and yet so beautiful I find it impossible to look away.  I can feel it in you, emanating like heat from a hearth, and it makes me long for a home I’ve never had.”

The hum of his voice makes you shiver, goosebumps forming across your skin.  The adoration in his eyes falters briefly, the lingering green fading to black, giving way to a dark, ancient sorrow.

“I think,” he continues, “it’s a glimpse of what heaven must feel like.  A small piece of divinity passed down to you from your ancestor.”

His fingers release your chin, but the vulnerability remains, if not slightly muted due to the distance imposed by the lack of physical contact.

“I am different from Lucifer and his brothers in that I was never an angel.  I came into existence exactly as I am, and as such I’ve never known divinity.  And yet... despite never knowing it, there is still a strange... hunger for it.  It is a peculiar thing to miss something you’ve never known.”

“You... long for Heaven?” you ask him.

Barbatos tilts his head thoughtfully, his gaze absent somewhere past your shoulder. “Not so much Heaven the place. It’s more so the purity, the grace, to feel that sense of wholeness that the divine offers. It’s why we are drawn to human souls.  Angels, you see, are far too potent. Too much divinity hurts a demon; it can even kill them.  But you... you humans have just enough of both worlds within you to allow us a taste.  It can be rather addictive, especially for younger demons who have not yet had enough millennia to control their hunger.”

His pupils dilate in the dark as he refocuses his gaze.  His eyes meet yours and linger for a moment before slowly drawing down to your parted lips.  “You are a rare case indeed.  More potent in your divinity than the average human, but not enough to hurt.”

You quirk a smile at him.  “Barbatos, are you saying I’m irresistible?”

It is a joke, one you feel comfortable making because of its ridiculousness.  But then he gives you a smile you’ve never seen before that makes your stomach drop and your body awash with heat.  There’s a directness in it, a challenge presented in a wry upward turn of the lips and the glint of teeth in the faint starlight.

“Perhaps,” he says.

You try to brush him off with a scoff and break eye contact, feigning interest in the shape of the black leaves that arch over the both of you in the darkness.

“Now you’re just teasing me,” you mutter.

“Oh? You don’t believe me,” he comments. “Perhaps there is more I can do to convince you then.”

Your heartbeat falters, tripped by hope, and you keep your eyes above and around lest you combust right in front of him. 

“Convince me?” you question.

You’re attempting to feign indifference, to protect yourself from the inevitable rejection you know is coming, because surely he’s not... he doesn’t mean.... he wouldn’t... that look in his eyes earlier... affection yes, but that can mean anything...

Barbatos takes your chin in his fingers and pulls gently until you have nowhere else to look but directly at him. Your breath catches in your throat as you stare at him, into him.  There’s a flicker there, a glow of swirling green, like nebulae trapped within his vastness.

“Indeed,” he whispers, the warmth of his breath upon your parted lips.  You realize he’s closer than you anticipated, closer than ever before.

 Your lightheadedness is returning, and your genuinely afraid you’ll faint, so you force yourself to keep speaking.

“What kind of convincing?” you ask.

He smiles that smile again, the one that turns your insides molten.  “The kind that doesn’t require words, since you seem to doubt them so fervently.” 

His thumb draws gently across your lower lip, his half-lidded gaze transfixed.  “Would you like to be convinced?” he mutters.

You swallow and answer honestly. 

“Yes.”

Barbatos’s eyes return to yours and his lips curl into a soft, genuine smile.  He closes what’s left of the distance, his warm lips capturing yours as his fingers release your chin in favor of gently cupping your jawline.

You close your eyes and reciprocate, your hand resting against his chest.

It’s gentle, soft, and for all of his heavy flirting just a moment ago, it is as unassuming as when he’d first held your hand.  It washes away the last dredges of worry, calms the ever-present unease that always lingers.  The clouds of your mind finally part, even if just for this moment, and for the first time in a long while, you feel feather-light as a peaceful warmth spreads from head to toe to the tips of your fingers.

When your lips part, Barbatos keeps his hand on your cheek and plants a gentle peck to your forehead.

“Now, believe me when I say you are beautiful.  Believe me when I say that you are good.  And most importantly, believe me when I say that I am always here for you.”

Your choked by emotion, your eyes once again burning, but this time for a different reason entirely.

“Even when I’m being sad and pathetic?” you ask, your voice cracking slightly.

Barbatos  puts his forehead against yours as his lips curve into a tender smile.

“Especially then.”

[blindmagdalena]

Guilty Pleasures ( chapter three )

18+ 7.3k homelander x plus size f!reader. workplace harassment, stalking, voyeurism, assault (not perpetrated by HL), violence, smol murder, manipulation/gaslighting, hurt/comfort. nebulously takes place post s1. part 3/4. AO3 link. | Chapter Directory

Homelander will do whatever it takes to convince you that he's the hero you need.

It’s shortly after one o’clock when Homelander knocks a whimsical melody against your office door, deciding he shouldn’t be precisely on time, lest he look as eager as he feels. He can already smell your perfume wafting through the doorway–the same scent he feverishly pumped his cock to the night before–as a teaser of what’s to come.

“Come in,” you call from the other side.

Homelander takes in a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. He screws his eyes shut, pinching his expression in a tight squeeze before he replaces it with a flashy grin, squaring away his anticipation in favor of his showman persona.

“Goooooood afternoon,” he drawls, strolling in with the same feigned level of confidence he’s entered every other moment of your life since stumbling across you, whether you knew it or not. He’s taken aback almost immediately, slowing in how he closes the door behind him.

You look nicer than usual. Your hair is styled with more conscious effort, and he’s been in show business long enough to recognize the makeup on your face. The shine of your blouse is a quality silk blend, and he can’t hear the scrape of cheap cotton underneath it anymore. No, you’re wearing something nice below, too. His lips slowly spread into a self-satisfied smile. 

You dressed up for him. 

Homelander takes the seat set across from you, sweeping his cape to the side with a flourish. He watches you tuck an empty container–your lunch, presumably–into a side drawer of your desk. His eyes closely track the way you lift your thumb to the corner of your mouth and swipe residue from it, sucking the mess from your digit. A distinct pang of arousal hits him just watching your cheeks hollow.

Imagine what she could do with that mouth.

“And good afternoon to you, Homelander,” you respond, straightening up in your seat. His gaze briefly dips to the swell of your breasts as you adjust yourself, casually dusting away any remnants of your lunch. Saliva gathers on his tongue at the instant memory of you scantily clad in your sleep wear, nothing but a thin sheet of worn fabric between you and his hunger. His eyes snap back up before you can take notice of how they wandered.

Lucky for him, you’re busy splaying out the folder he brought you the day before, scanning over the list of bullet points he’d slapped together for the sake of having enough talking points.

“I wanted to start with your concerns regarding the marketing for your upcoming miniseries,” you say, glancing up at him.

He clicks his tongue. “Wow, alright. Straight to business then,” he says, absently rolling his palms over the ends of the armrests on either side of him.

“I’m very bad at small talk,” you say. Probably to diffuse any notion that you were being rude on purpose.

“Ch’yeah, I’ll say,” he says, smiling thinly. “Lucky that you’re good at your job.”

“Shockingly, I was actually a personality hire. I don’t know what any of this means,” you say, matching his thinly veiled snark while gesturing to the spread of documents in front of you. He snorts softly. You have a knack for using that sharp wit to diffuse, but he doesn’t feel manipulated. You actually are funny. “I was hoping you’d explain your concerns.”

Smooth segue, he thinks, his eyes narrowing appraisingly. He’s worked enough interviews to know when he’s being led, but he takes the bait anyways, widening his smile.

“Sounds great.”

Homelander knows that you’re sharp, good at your job, but he needs to needle you into giving him what he wants. He wants to understand you, and the stack of his films he found hidden in your apartment. What he gets in the meantime is ample taste of your silver tongue, parrying his every jab with an equally sharp counter.

He can’t keep the smile from his face.

Gradually a level of familiarity slips into the air between you. He can see some of that tension in your shoulders easing. He’s steadily wearing down the walls you’ve managed to construct.

“I still think audiences will be confused,” he says, feigning a profound concern, stretching out the time of your little appointment.

“Well, audiences are a lot like celebrities,” you say, the hard candied shell of your professional exterior thinning with every back and forth, poised to crack at any second.  “They’re smarter than we think they are.”

“Oohh, ouch,” he purrs. “Nice backhand you got there.”

A twitch at the corner of your mouth. He knows you’re fighting a smile of your own, and pride blooms warmly in his chest. He likes sparring with you, but he likes pleasing you even more.

“I disagree about market confusion. Your diehard audience will already be up to speed, your broader target audience will show up for anything with your face on it, and anyone more casual than that likely won’t have seen the miniseries anyways, so there’s nothing to confuse it with,” you say, scanning down through one of the pages of the document he gave you.

Perfect opening.

“And which audience is it you fall into, exactly?” He asks, cocking his head a degree. “I mean, given your position, I have to imagine you’ve seen my range of film and television.”

“I’ve done my due diligence,” you say vaguely. You’re good at answering without answering. Normally it would irritate him, but your forced aloofness combined with your closely guarded–and inexplicably secret–veneration of him makes it into tantalizing bait begging for the sharp sink of his teeth.

“So you’ve seen all my movies, then?” He extrapolates, setting a line of his own.

You chuckle, gaze flickering to him before back down to the pages. Too brief a glance to even come close to satisfying his hunger. “I didn’t say that.”

He scoffs lightly. “But you’re a fan of mine?”

“I definitely didn’t say that.” He can sense he’s hit a vein, and like any good predator would, he’s eager to bite into it.

“C’mon. Don’t tell me you’re shy,” he continues to prod, leaning forward slightly in his seat.

You inhale a breath that you barely prevent from sounding too obviously irritated. His grin remains untarnished by the scrutiny of your unwavering stare. There it is, that’s what he wants. The weight of your gaze upon him, evaluating, taking him in fully. He doesn’t care how he gets it, he just knows he wants it.

“You are shy,” he accuses, knowing you aren’t.

“I’m not shy, I’m a professional,” you say curtly, the scratch of your pen scathing while you write notations on the document.

Good, he thinks. More likely to slip up now.

“Jeeze,” he laughs. “You’re wound up tighter than my fictional manager in Darkest Day.”

“You didn’t have a manager in Darkest Day, that was Origins,” you correct. After a beat, your hand stills.

Homelander’s gaze slowly slides to meet yours. He watches your face fall and clicks his tongue. He positively relishes how your mask of indifference slips into subtle dismay at your misstep. Such a simple bit of trivia, and yet it spoke volumes.

Got’cha.

“You do watch my movies,” he said, tone dropping to a near whisper. He revels in the quiet way you groan, leaning back in your chair. 

“Only the ones I was paid to,” you say, straightening up in your chair, but he can hear the defeat in your voice.

“Liar,” he says through his perpetual grin. “Don’t be embarrassed. How long have you been a fan?”

“Stop,” you say, burying your face in your hands. Oh, this is good. Was he your first crush? Your favorite hero? He must be still, judging by the flush of heat moving through you. All that pretense, all that haughty glowering, and beneath it all you’re a fan girl. He almost laughs at the thought of the face you’d make if he called you that. 

“Which was your favorite?” He asks, burying the knife deeper, eager to cut through flesh and muscle and bone to get to the heart of truth beneath. “Bright World? Rise of a Hero? Justice Dawning?”

“I despise you,” you say melodramatically, digging your thumbs into your temples. “Also, Justice Dawning was cheesy, I’m offended you’d even offer it.” You try not to smile, but it happens anyway, and as soon as that secret little smile sneaks onto your lips it brightens Homelander’s eyes, reflecting your amusement back to you. Not just that, but amplifying it.

“You’ll learn to love me,” he tells you with confidence. You drop your hands, looking at him with subtle surprise. He holds your gaze. The earnestness of his words seems to dispel your mortification and replaces it with something more difficult to define, but he likes the shine it brings to your eyes.

The taste of your defeat is sumptuous. He’d prefer licking it straight from your tongue, but he’ll settle for this for the time being. An easiness settles into the air between you, deeper even than before your hackles rose with the lurking reality of your hidden opinion of him. It’s like a bubble has popped, dissipating uncomfortable tension, replacing it with something warmer.

He has every intention of turning up the heat even further.

The meeting moves forward. You work your way through his folder, and during a natural lull in conversation, he finally broaches the topic that’s been plaguing him since he stepped into your office.

“So,” he begins, interlacing his gloved fingers in his lap. “Gonna tell me what you’re all dressed up for?” He asks, wearing the same smile and speaking in the same tone he had when he baited you into admitting your secret love affair with his cinema.

He wants to hear you say that it’s for him, but he’ll settle for a flustered deflection. They’re as good as the same.

“Oh,” you huff with an airy little laugh, the sound like silver bells chiming. “I have a date tonight.”

You say something else, but Homelander doesn’t hear it over the tidal-like rush in his ears. He watches your pretty lips form words that he can’t understand. Everything falls out of focus as he tightly reins in the white hot rush of furious jealousy that floods his gut and erupts up the back of his throat like bile. He swallows the burn of it, jaw tight, and manages a tense smile.

“Great,” he barks, not realizing–or perhaps not caring–that he interrupted you. “First date?”

“First date,” you confirm, your tone less conversational than it had been a beat ago. The walls are going back up, but he’s too fixated on what feels like a stabbing betrayal.

“Exciting,” he says, adjusting his tone and mannerisms until they once more resemble something genuine. Something civil, despite the hostility in his gut. “Someone you know? Going anywhere special?”

“No, and not really,” you say evasively. He loathes how withdrawn you’ve become. You should be pleased he’s put off. Gloating even. It’s proof he cares, isn’t it? “It was his suggestion.” His. The leather of Homelander’s glove creaks subtly in the fist he makes. “I forget the name of the place,” you say, avoiding his gaze.

His right cheek tics. Liar, liar, pants on fire. People always underestimate his ability to read them.

You’ll learn not to lie to him.

“But you have an out if you need it, don’t you? Someone to bail you out in case he turns out to be some kind of freak,” he says, huffing the word with a lick of venom. It takes significant effort to keep the disdain from his face to imagine you as you are now sitting across from some nobody schmuck, lit by candlelight and smiling sweetly for them instead of for him.

“I always do,” you say, smiling thinly. He curates his own tone often enough to hear it in yours, and it pierces his ears like a thistle. He taps his fingers on his thigh, scrounging for something, anything else to needle you for, but your responses don’t give him much to work with.

“Well. If you did need someone–”

“I’m a big girl,” you interrupt, surprising him. He’s rarely interrupted. “I can take care of myself.”

At that, a thought strikes him. The slack line of his lips curls into a thin smile, and his hands relax on the armrests of the chair.

“I’m sure you can.”

Shaking off the aftermath of your one-on-one with Homelander proves to be more difficult than you’d anticipated. You replay it nearly moment for moment in your mind while freshening up after work. 

Homelander has an uncanny knack for moving through demeanors as though he’s trying hats, determining which one best suits the situation. One moment he’s a slick carnivore licking his chops in anticipation of his meal to come, and the next he’s every ounce the hero they market him as. He’d been relentlessly charming during the meeting, his charismatic smile becoming one you’d wanted to earn again and again. 

Then came the news of your date, and all at once Homelander possessed the ominous calm of a sentient statue. The moment still sends an eerie chill down your spine, even in recollection. How radically his appearance can change with mood or thought alone. You’d hate to ever see him truly angry.

“Get a hold of yourself,” you say to the bathroom mirror. You have a date tonight, and the last thing you need is to bring this kind of nervous energy to it. Powers or not, the commonality of man is easy to rely on, and you’ve developed the tactical mindset of an aloof cat. Never beg for what can be given freely. Never give more than you get. Never settle. “Be the cat,” you tell yourself affirmatively. 

A directive which, unfortunately, winds up being exceedingly easy to follow through the course of your date. James, bless his heart, struggles to wring more than the occasional piteous chuckle from you. Conversation with him is akin to drinking seltzer water–he is neither offensive nor particularly exciting, being only a step above plain water.

Perhaps James’ blandness isn’t entirely his own fault, but rather the basis of comparison he is subjected to. Throughout the night, you find yourself critical of the way he looks at you–or rather, the way he fails to look at you. Your thoughts keep drifting back to your meeting with Homelander and the way he looks at you. The intense ocean-blue caress of his eyes summons a blush to your cheeks even in hindsight.

He looks at you in a way that no one else does. It's as if he's trying to memorize the smallest details in your skin, to uncover every secret trapped behind your guarded gaze. He has a stare determined to lay you entirely bare to him.

James’ wine dulled ogling could hardly hold a candle to that. Looking into his eyes, you see only the planning for whatever dullard comment he was going to make next.

Still, it’s not until the end of your date–an exceptionally long two and a half hours thanks to a mishap with your order–that James displays a behavior unsavory enough to elicit a truly unpleasant feeling in you. He’s quite clingy after a few too many glasses of wine. He walks you out of the restaurant with an arm around your waist, and more than once you have to bat his hand away from the seam where your blouse is tucked into your skirt.

“You in the parking garage or the back lot?” He asks, smiling in a way he must mean to be salacious, eyes half-lidded like he’s lost control of them.

“The back lot.” Parking was a nightmare with how late you arrived after work. “Is that where you are?” You ask, hoping it isn’t.

“No, no, I actually took an Uber in,” he says, and you know immediately by the way he starts tapping your hip with his index finger why he chose to do that.

“Want me to wait for you here until your Uber arrives, then?” You ask, turning out of his grasp to stand face to face with him outside of the restaurant. It’s late enough now that the streets have calmed some, at least by New York’s standards.

James’ expression falters, but he tries for a recovery with a hopeful smile. “Well, you know, I was sort of hoping we might continue this elsewhere,” he says, slipping his hands into his pockets. Is he trying to look suave?

“Oh, no,” you say, putting forth your very best sympathetic head tilt, matched with a well placed brow furrow. “No thank you.”

This time his expression doesn’t recover. His hands lift from his pocket and he makes a helpless gesture with them, very nearly pleading. “Really? I thought we were having a nice time.”

“And I’m so glad for that,” you say, and even you can hear the corporate edge sliding into your tone, which doesn’t seem to soothe him any. “But it’s for the best that we part ways here, James. Thanks for your time.”

“But–” Your inarguable dismissal staggers him. He gropes for recourse. “I paid,” he blurts out, which proves to be his final mistake.

Your polite facade drops. “For what?“ His booze addled panic shifts into confusion. “F…For dinner, but I didn’t mean–”

“And that entitles you to fuck me?” No sense in mincing words now.

His expression morphs again, this time into mortification. “No! No, but–”

“You thought this would be a transaction? God, and here I was thinking your gravest flaw would be how mind-numbingly boring you are. But to be boring and stupid?” You scoff, waving a dismissive hand. “Goodnight, James,” you say, the kindest dismissal you can muster. You turn on your heel before he can sour the evening any further, and luckily for him, he doesn’t pursue you further.

Unbelievable. As if you hadn’t offered to split the check. As if he expected it to be a transaction that he cashed in your bed. As if the cost of dinner was worth anything more than a polite smile from you. As if.

New York doesn’t sleep, but it does grow very, very dark. You’re on a narrow street, not an alley exactly, but not a main road, either. Still riled up, you bring up the parking app on your phone as you walk, swiping through to get ready to pay for your crummy back lot space. A clatter brings your attention up, and that’s when you see them—two men. One wearing a black leather jacket, the other with a kerchief slung around his throat. 

You stop walking, caught between turning around, which would mean putting your back to the men up ahead, or continuing forward, which would mean passing within arm’s reach. They haven’t noticed you yet, or at least they’re pretending not to, but now they look right at you and smile.

The men don’t look dangerous, not like they do in the movies, but you know that means nothing—plenty of the worst people in the world looked safe. Yet the longer you stay put, the more you sense the ill intent wafting off of them like cheap cologne. “Hey, baby,” says one of them, moving toward you. “You lost?”

“No,” you say curtly, taking a step back. “Not lost. Excuse me.”

“You sure? We’re real good with directions,” says the second man, leering. Your eyes snap between them, phone clutched tight in your hand. “Y’look like you could use some.”

“No,” you say again, louder. How loud would you need to be for anyone to hear you over the sounds of the streets? Panic swells in your throat.

You don’t know how they got so close so quickly, but as you turn to run, a hand catches your collar. The guy in the leather jacket wrenches you back against him, one arm wrapping around your shoulders. Your phone clatters to the ground. 

“Hey now, what’s the rush?” He asks, yanking you backwards. “Get off me,” you snarl, but he’s squeezing you tightly across the chest, making it hard to think, let alone breathe. You struggle until you feel something hard dig into your hip. A knife? No. You realize coldly that it’s a gun, the handle of it jutting out from his waistband and digging into you. In a desperate bid, you twist in his grip, trying to grab it.

“Careful,” says the other one, moving in front of you, closing in. “She’s got spirit.”

You kick out at the other guy but he jumps back, laughing at you. They’re both laughing, relishing in your fear. Your fingers skim the gun, but you can’t quite get it.

The first man’s breath is hot and sour on your cheek. “Come on, now, let’s have some fun.” You slam your head back into his nose—or try to, but you only manage to clip his chin. Still, you hit bone, hear the crack of a tooth, and just like that you’re free, stumbling to your hands and knees as the man reels. You hit the ground hard, the shock of landing lancing pain through your arms and legs. The gun tumbles from his waistband. Without thinking twice you lunge for it, fingers successfully closing around the grip right before one of the men grabs your ankle and pulls.

The street bites into your elbows and scrapes your knee bloody as you twist around and raise the gun, barrel leveled at the man’s heart. “LET GO!” You scream, heart hammering against your chest. “Oh shit,” says the man in the kerchief, eyes wide at seeing you armed, but the other one sneers at you, blood spilling from his mouth. There’s fury in his eyes, and the unmistakable intent to hurt you. “You ever held a gun that big, baby?”

“Let go,” you say again, voice firmer than the tremble of your hands. Your finger flexes on the trigger.

“You even know how to use it?” He asks, using his grip on your ankle to pull himself over you, his other hand falling to your thigh. He gives a pointed squeeze as he lifts himself up to tower above you. He reaches to take hold of you again, but you won’t let him. Can’t let him.

“Yes.” You squeeze the trigger as you say it, bracing for the recoil, the bang. It’s always so loud in the movies.

Nothing happens. You panic, looking at the weapon in your hands in dull shock. The safety isn’t on. You pull the trigger again, but the chamber rings hollow. It isn’t loaded. You look up at the man as his shadow falls over you. He bares his teeth at you, painted an ugly dark red with the blood spilling from his mouth. The man laughs, a short barking sound, and knocks the gun from your hands with a harsh slap. It goes skidding away.

“Stupid bitch,” he says, raising his boot as if you were an oversized bug, something to crush. You close your eyes and scream as he brings it down hard.

Or at least, he started to, but his leg locks up halfway, and then he topples, a single horrifying sound leaking from his clenched teeth. Your eyes open just in time to see his body hit the ground, a smoldering wound smoking from his chest. An instant later, the second man falls. This time you see the flash of crimson light that drops him.

Homelander’s cape billows in the wind with all the majesty of the flag it’s designed after as he descends from the sky. He lands in front of you, backlit by the distant street lights that give him an artificial glow. He’s beautiful, a perfectly manufactured angel delivered straight from some market tested Heaven.

“Hey, you hurt?” He asks, reaching for you.

Awestruck, all you can do is stare at his outstretched hand. Tears well in your eyes. Shock is setting in the aftermath of all that adrenaline in your veins crashing your system. Through the blur of your tears, Homelander’s expression shifts from concern to that of determination.

“It’s alright, I’m here now. They can’t hurt you,” he says, bringing your arm around his neck while he slips his own around your waist, effortlessly lifting you from the ground. Before your gaze can drift to the corpses–whose burning flesh you can smell mingling with the acrid city air–Homelander rotates, taking them from your line of sight. 

With a flourish, he unhitches his cape from his shoulders and swings the fabric over yours. It settles on you heavier than you expected it to be, and impossibly warm. Moving back in, Homelader readily takes you back into his arms. He cradles you in his embrace, one hand cupping the back of your head, the other drawing lines up and down your back.

You try to choke out a sound, to ask him, how? How did he find you? How did he know you needed him? But none of the noises you make form any actual words. Your throat is too tight, and your tongue feels too big for your mouth, gnarled silent by panic. Everything is just too much. Your breaths only grow sharper as tears burn hot streaks down your face.

“Sssshhhhhhh,” he shushes by your ear, lifting you just enough to keep you on your feet, but take the weight of your body from you. His hold is compressive, but not oppressive. It takes everything you have left to lift your other arm around his neck while the sobs overtake you. He continues to hush you, whispering a menagerie of honeyed assurances in your ear, the core sentiment always the same.

I’ve got you. You’re safe now. I won’t let anyone hurt you.

You cry harder, coiling your arms tighter around his neck. He lets you cling to him, lets you sob away your makeup and soak the collar of his suit with the mess of it.

You don’t know how much time passes in your addled state of panic, but eventually your breaths begin to even out, though your heart continues to thunder. Your body isn’t convinced that the danger has vanished yet, eager to turn to flight now that your fight has gone.

“That’s it, just like that,” Homelander praises. “Breathe. Breathe. Good… Light as a feather now, okay? Like you can fly,” he tells you. The weightlessness you feel in his arms helps the idea, helps you to feel like you aren’t being crushed by the terrible weight of such a moment of horror. That’s all it had been, a moment–two at most–and yet the torment of it had felt hours long. Exhaustion falls over you in the wake of adrenaline, and you’re glad for Homelander’s arms around you. You doubt you’d be standing without them.

“Home,” you manage to croak. “Please.” You can still smell the man’s sour breath, the memory even more powerful than the stench of reality.

“I can take you home,” he coos, maintaining that same soothing tone of comfort. “Is that what you want?”

You nod, focusing instead on the vetiver fresh smell of him. You’ve never been near enough to him before to notice it, but now you fixate on it. Anything to drown out the stink of the alley. He smells so much cleaner, like fresh linen drying over green grass in the summer sun.

His arms flex around you before he adjusts them, lifting you smoothly into his arms. Your stomach flips the way it does when you go down a hill in the backseat of a car, gravity loosening its hold on you. You can feel the motion all around you, the wind ghosting over you, but Homelander himself feels motionless against you.

Flying. He’s flying. And so are you.

His cape shields you from the night air bite, pulled snug around you and secured where your bodies are pressed together. You haven’t felt like this since you were a child, cradled with such care and strength that feels beyond your comprehension. Homelander serves as both place and person–somewhere safe, someone kind–and you tuck yourself closer into the sanctuary of his arms, hands fisted in the protective fabric of his cape.

“I’ve got’cha,” he assures you, voice warm in your ear. 

Without a shadow of a doubt, you believe him.

Homelander doesn’t need to ask where you live. It’s an easy detail to brush off if you question him. He doubts you will with the way you’re clinging to him, though. You feel good in his arms, settling so naturally against the contours of them he might convince himself you belong here. He doesn’t mind your weeping when it comes with your arms around him, fingertips brushing the nape of his neck.

A small shiver rolls down his spine.

Of all the ways Homelander expected the evening to unfold, he hadn’t properly anticipated you. While he cradles you, he replays again and again the moment you were snatched. You fought without hesitation. You wrenched the gun free. The fierceness in your eyes as you aimed it had been exquisite. The resolve in your gaze as you fired it even more so.

He’d known you were confident, but that kind of clawing survival can only be learned of a person in action. He’s known many supposedly strong people–supe and human alike–who walk as stone giants, but shatter like glass when faced with any real danger.

You couldn’t have known that you weren’t in any real danger. You couldn’t have known that he’d told those thugs to scare you, but not hurt you. You couldn’t have known he’d ensured the gun wasn’t loaded. You fought as though it was for your life, and it enthralled him.

He hadn’t planned on killing them in front of you. They would have been loose ends to tie up after his heroic rescue, but somewhere along the line that stupid bastard lost the thread. He hurt you, bloodied those pretty knees of yours, and he moved to strike you. To grind you beneath his heel as if you were the vermin instead of him. For that–and for so flagrantly going against Homelander’s own direct order–you witnessed his downfall.

As far as he’s concerned now, everything happened precisely as it needed to. You’re in his arms now, and he’s still half hard from witnessing you choose fight when your instincts kicked in. You’re too fragile to choose it so readily. Your bones feel bird-like compared to the scope of his strength. Hollow and brittle. You would make for a hell of a supe, though.

Still, he won’t break you. He’s spent his entire life learning what it takes to snap bones like party favors, and more crucially, what it takes not to. Yours are safe from him. In fact, you’re the safest person in the whole world now.

Homelander glides down to a soft landing on your driveway. Your car will be an issue for another time. For now, he walks you to your front door before gently placing you on your feet.

“Believe this is you, young lady,” he says, leaving space for plausible deniability. If it occurs to you to interrogate him about it, it doesn’t show on your face. With hands still softly trembling, you fish your keys out of your purse. He watches you fumble with them for only a moment before he steps in behind you, one hand gripping your upper arm to steady and pause you while the other covers your shaking hand, helping you to slide the key into the lock and turn it.

Your hand fits nicely in his.

“Thanks,” you whisper. It’s the first thing you’ve said since asking him to take you home. He takes the liberty of opening the door for you while he’s at it, swinging it wide to allow you in. You grab his forearm, and he thinks you’re only balancing yourself, but when you don’t let go he steps with you, letting you lean on him as you guide him into your home. He closes the door behind the two of you, smiling to himself.

He may not need an invitation to enter, but it’s charming to have one.

Your movements are stiff, a slight limp to your gait. You fell hard, and the delicate flesh of your knee had ripped apart against the concrete when you were dragged. You hesitate at the stairs, but Homelander doesn’t. You inhale sharply  when he scoops you back up into his arms with ease and starts up the stairs. He keeps his gaze ahead, but he can feel yours on him.

“Thanks,” you say again, the word barely more than a hiccup, adjusting his cape over yourself like a blanket.

“It’s what heroes are for.” He smiles. It’s a party line, one he’s said a hundred thousand times before, but you make him mean it. This is what heroes are for. To be worshiped and loved, understood deeper than pop stars and false idols like them. There’s a reverence in your stare that transcends the vapid starstruck way most people look at him. You understand now. You know how much more he is.

He brings you to your bedroom and sets you on the edge of the bed, adjusting his cape back up over your shoulders. You’ve scarcely let go of it since he wrapped you in it. Will you sleep with it tonight? He bets you will. The thought sends a pleasant tingle through him. 

“Alright, let’s get a look at those knees,” he says, crouching in front of you. There’s blood running down your left shin. He lifts the edge of your skirt hem just enough to catch a glimpse of shredded skin. It looks rough, dirty and embedded with bits of debris. He blows out a breath. “Got a first aid kit?”

You nod numbly. “Under the bathroom sink.”

It’s odd to see you so subdued. He forgets sometimes that you humans can be as emotionally fragile as you are physically. Surely the death of two measly thugs isn’t enough to break you.

Rising, he moves to your bathroom. He feels slightly unbalanced without the sway of his cape behind him, the garment as integral to his physicality as any limb. He rummages through until his hand lands on a bright red fabric pack with a zipper. He gives it a little toss and catches it, bringing it back to you, alongside a wetted towel. He gives the pack a victorious little shake.

“H’okay, down to business.” Homelander kneels before you, splaying open the kit and placing it on your lap. He’s never used one of these before, but he’s pretended to do it on set. How different can it be? He cups your leg, thumb absently smoothing back and forth on your skin while he uses the towel to gently wipe up the blood, dirt and debris from your shin and knee.

You flinch, tense a moment before you relax. “Homelander, you really don’t have to–”

“Am I doing a bad job?” He asks, glancing up at you through his lashes. There’s a playful lilt to his voice.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” you say, the smallest hint of exasperation in your voice. He’s pleased to hear it. Perhaps you’re less wilted from the encounter than he thought. “I just mean that I can–”

“I know you can,” he says, and this time he definitely sees a flare of annoyance. You don’t like being interrupted any more than he does, but you don’t protest further. He smiles, triumphant, and focuses back on the task at hand, petting you the same way one might soothe a wild animal.

There’s a novelty in doing this for real that he hadn’t anticipated. It’s entirely unlike wiping away congealed red corn syrup from an actor. Your skin is sweeter, softer. He suddenly resents his gloves for the barrier they provide, despite his usual reliance for that very thing. He’s meticulous in flicking out the little stones embedded in your skin, spotting each one with ease.

Next, he tears open the alcohol wipes with his teeth and uses them to disinfect, rubbing at the sores. You flinch, sucking in a loud breath through your teeth. “Oopsy-daisy,” he says, switching to gently patting. He has no real concept of what you’re feeling right now. He’s never had a scraped knee before. The scientists at Vought had to get much more creative in order to gauge his capacity for healing.

He imagines they were disappointed to realize that, once damaged, he healed as slowly as a human.

“How’d you find me?” You ask, snapping him out of his unpleasant reminiscence. Your shock seems to have worn off entirely. You look more present, alert to his every move.

“Heard you scream,” he answers simply, unraveling a roll of gauze. That much is true.

“But how? How did you know where I was?” You push, watching him wind the white material around your knee.

“I didn’t,” he lies smoothly. He’s followed enough scripts in his life to do so very well. “If I’d known exactly where you were, I would have been there sooner. I was minding my business on 5th Avenue when I heard you. Familiar voices can…” He makes a vague gesture. “Cut through the din. Voices I want to hear.” 

He thinks he catches you flush at that. Just a touch. He bites back a smirk, pleased with himself. Does it matter if it’s true when it makes you look at him like that?

“I didn’t know your hearing worked like that,” you say, fidgeting with the hem of his cape.

His gaze flickers up every so often to watch your finger pick at the seam, inexplicably charmed by it. “Well, there’s some things not even a super fan can glean,” he teases, securing the gauze with tape. He expects to see a familiar indignation in your expression, but when he looks up, he’s caught off guard by the unmistakable fondness in your eyes.

“I was over the moon when I got my job at Vought,” you say quietly, like you’re whispering in a confessional. “I always wanted to work with heroes.”

“With me?” He pushes, lifting his brows.

Very slightly, you smile. “Yeah. With you.”

“Busted,” he says, his own voice equally soft.

You give him a little nudge with your foot. “Gauze won’t stay by itself. Need to use a roll of self-adhesive wrap,” you say, plucking the beige roll from the kit. He likes the shy warmth in your voice. He would have done much worse to see this side of you. Have the intimacy of your pain, fear and relief all to himself. This glowing affection you’re so full of. He feels drunk on the cocktail of it all.

“Right, obviously,” he says, taking the wrapping from you. “I knew that.”

“Probably should have put a gauze pad under it, too,” you continue, eyes heavily lidded, expression soft.

“Everyone’s a critic,” he laments, affixing the textured bandage around the gauze. You laugh, and the sound of it feels like a space he could belong in.

He checks your other knee, your elbows and your palms, but nowhere else on you calls for anything more than some antiseptic and a few bandaids. With the wrappings secure, he shuffles the mess of supplies haphazardly back into the kit, zipping it up much more bulging and misshapen a state than he found it in. He pushes it under the bed with the towel atop it, standing.

“Good as new. Or close to it,” he says, making a small show of dusting off his hands for a job well done. 

You stand, letting his cape slide off of your shoulders for the first time since he put it on you, the fabric pooling on the bed. You step forward, and of all the things he expects in this moment, you blow them out of the water by suddenly wrapping your arms around him, the soft curves of your body slotting against his in a way that trips something primal and needy in him. He puts his arms around you the second the shock wears off, holding you with the barest fraction of his strength.

Tension drains from your body. Were you nervous he wouldn’t reciprocate? It’s an endearing thought. He gives a deeper, brief squeeze. He can’t remember the last time someone held him.

“Thank you,” you say after a long beat, drawing back. He reluctantly loosens his grip, but not by much. He’s loath to relinquish you so soon after he’s gotten hold of you. “It’s not enough, but I don’t know what could ever be.”

I could make a few suggestions, he thinks, but he doesn’t give voice to the lewd thoughts that follow.

“I’ll never forget what you did for me tonight,” you say. Your face is so near to his, it makes it difficult to focus on anything other than the curve of your lips as you speak.

Instead of responding, Homelander leans in, eyes falling shut.

“Oh,” you say sharply, your soft body suddenly going tense in his arms, stopping him in his tracks. Both of your hands are braced against his chest now, creating a distance that feels craterous. 

He blinks, brows furrowed in confusion. “What?” 

“I’m really tired,” you say, tone shifting to mild diffusion. It reminds him of the way you spoke to James, and his ego stings with both the rejection and the comparison. He’d laughed listening to you reject that pathetic, simpering man. It seems less funny now. 

He scoffs an incredulous little huff. But I saved you, he thinks, indignant panic flaring in his chest. To his dismay, however, the thought doesn’t sound like his own voice. It sounds like James’.

But I paid!

Repulsed, Homelander swallows the thought like bile. If the comparison comes so readily to his own mind, there’s no way you won’t make the connection yourself. He feels his skin prickle like there are fire ants crawling beneath his suit. The memory of James’ pathetic begging is the only thing that keeps his composure together.

“Of course you are,” he says tightly. His smile is forced, slightly too wide. “You should sleep. Rest up. Take the day off tomorrow,” he says stiffly, rattling off lines like they’re pre-recorded. Only then does he surrender his hold on you, hands moving to his hips instead. You take a step back, and he stands straighter to disguise the sting of rejection.

“Thank you,” you say, tone indecipherable. It’s full to the brim with something, but nothing Homelander can parse in his current state. “I–”

“No need,” he dismisses, jumping on the opportunity to end the conversation on his terms. “Really. Just doing my job,” he says, tossing you a little two-finger salute off of his brow, already moving towards your balcony door. You don’t move, watching him from the foot of your bed, arms wrapped around yourself.

“Catch you at the office,” he says. He knows he’s speaking too quickly, but it’s all he can do to keep himself in check. Anger and misery broil in him like vinegar and baking soda, the caustic brew threatening to erupt.

“Okay,” you say, which isn’t particularly what he wants to hear. He turns his back to you, and his smile drops, his ego violently stung. With a force that billows wind through your bedroom, he takes off into the night sky.

You just weren’t ready, he tells himself, gritting his teeth. It’s easier to be angry than embarrassed. He wants to make as much distance between himself and your rejection, flying higher and higher until frost begins collecting on his lashes. He flies until there’s no sound, no oxygen, no life but his own. He flies until gravity releases him and he can finally relax, suspended by cold, vast space.

The earth glows beneath him, reflecting the light of the sun where it illuminates a distant portion of the globe.

Closing his eyes, he tips his head back.

He’ll fix this.

( chapter four )

[lesmisscraper]

Cosette's accustoming to the convent school life.

Clips from <Il cuore di Cosette>.

[pumpkinbxtch]

sumn about dionysus’s daughter and percy being obsessed w each other irks be in so kind of way, can i req something about it???

I would come back from death for you .⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

— percy jackson x daughter of dionysus!reader

warnings: none, i think

a/n: ok, here comes my confession. I don't know if this is something that counts as "obsession" as such because there are different types of it. I wanted it to be a more tender or cute obsession. I don't know, maybe I'll explore more but with a darker side.

The emotion was devouring him from the inside out. He knew he would be leaving in a few days, and even though he'd rather fight Hades himself than give his life on a silver platter, Percy couldn't help struggle with the thought of not being in your arms again.

— I'll go with you — you said, even though you knew it wouldn't happen. — I don't mind dying with you if it's the only way to keep us together.

Really, he wouldn't mind too, but he knew he had to keep you safe. Dionysus would never forgive him if anything happened to you, and to be honest, neither would he. You'd stay; that was the right thing.

The best deal he could get for now was to be together as much as possible until the day came.

You didn't say it, but it had become an obsession for each other. barely at night could separate to go to your respective cabins, and of course, not counting those times when you or he would sneak away to spend more time together. Some campers watched, they knew what was going on but still turned a blind eye because who were they to judge? Besides, it suited them to maintain the discretion or Dionysus would truly be in a bad mood, as having Percy Jackson as a son-in-law was enough for him.

That night, you had already turned off the lights, only the moonlight accompanied you, and you let out a deep grunt that turned into a gasp when you heard a knock on your door, you squinted your eyes and then heard two more knocks, three in total.

Obviously it was Percy, and you quickly got up before anyone could see him in front of your cabin. As soon as you opened, he slipped in between the door and closed it by pressing his heel. When you smelled the worn sunscreen on the curve of his neck, you let out a sigh; it was as if during the time you hadn't been together, you had been slowly holding your breath, suffocating without him.

— I missed you — he murmured, squeezing your body a little tighter. He placed a kiss on your shoulder and leaned back to look at you.

— It's only been an hour since dinner, Pers — you said, and he smiled at the nickname taking your hand to walk with you towards your bed. in the end, you were the only one to sit on the edge of it because percy stayed watching your bedside things, fiddling with and looking at your makeup.

— I'm leaving tomorrow — he said, still with his back to you as he struggled to read the label of a lipgloss, the one that suited you so well and that he never feared smudging when he kissed you.

Your heart raced. —Tomorrow? But...

— Things have changed, Chiron told me — Sadness and anger evident in his voice. Percy wanted to set the world on fire with Leo's help just because he hadn't had a couple more days with you. Instead, he took your perfume in his hands and brought it to his nose to smell it. Trying to imprint it in his memory, at least, until he returned and could smell it from your own body where it mixed with thousands of other scents resulting in your characteristic one. The one that drove him crazy.

That idea made him laugh, in fact you were the daughter of the man who could made men crazy with a snap of his fingers, so Percy believed you had done something similar to him, the only difference was that he was happy with it. He would jump blindfolded out of the grand canyon for you if you asked him to.

After a minute, he understood that your silence wasn't exactly a good thing, and he ran his fingers over the other beauty items on your wooden dresser, before turning towards you putting his weight on the dresser.

— Everything will be fine — he was convinced, but the tears threatening to fall from your eyes brought him to his knees before you, so quickly that you held back a sob seeing him on the floor raising his hands to caress your cheeks as if you were something religious that he was worshiping. Her turquoise eyes shone in the moonlight with empathy and they let you know that you had never felt that kind of religious love for which you would die until you had him.

Ugh, you were so in love with each other that it was ruthless to separate you even for just a little while.

You bent down to kiss him, and he stretched his neck to reach your lips desperately, without wanting to lose any piece of you.

—It will take much more than death to keep me from coming back to you— he whispered inches away from your lips, and you smiled because you knew he was serious about that.

With time on your shoulders, you settled on the bed, and he cuddled with you until you fell asleep while he stroked your hair and kissed you on the cheek; you had never felt so safe in someone's arms.

And it was in the morning, just after their last kiss, that your body began to ache for him and his absence. You returned to your cabin, cranky and teary-eyed, looking at the mess he had left on your dresser last night and smiled, recognizing your boyfriend's quirks, but little did you know that all Percy was doing was looking for things he could carry with him during his quest. Things that were yours and reminded him of what he had to fight for.

—Nice hair claw, Percy— Piper joked with a pink spark in her eyes, and he smiled proudly.

Leo dramatically put his hand on his chest and sighed loudly. — Better no one get in HIS – our – way because someone's waiting for him.

“Yeah, better not” he thought.

[glassmarine]

lost in translation

You meet a man in a bar, in a foreign city neither of you belong to. MDNI!

ship: alex turner x reader, alex turner x you, bar hook-up, implied age gap

warnings: unsafe and drunken sex practices

word count: 6818

note: this was super self-indulgent (tokyo girl here)

“I don’t think this place is particularly great if you’re looking for a deep connection.” This is what you say when someone brings up dating in Tokyo. You’ve been here a while on exchange now, exploring the city as newcomers are wont to do and on a rainy Friday night, you’re in a new bar, surprised by how crowded it is with people you can speak proper English to. Not that you have any trouble with anyone else, but it’s refreshing being able to speak without slowing down your pronunciation or repeating a word or having to resort to your weak Japanese. “Tokyo is like, ever-expanding. I like it. But it’s not great, you know, for connections or something.”

You nurse your drink, taking a sip from it. You’re surrounded by a few people older than you, who vaguely talked about being here for work. You can see their rough hands, the band tees, the worn shoes. Concert or something? you had asked, and they laughed, relaxing at your unsurprised expression, perhaps pleased that you had not immediately started asking when, what, or who.

Truthfully, you’re not incredibly curious. You just want a slow night. You didn’t have any class today, and you had spent last night partying to celebrate the end of your midterms. Now, you’re still slightly hungover as you drift through this little bar in a small alley somewhere in Tokyo, but you’re not really here to drink.

The warmth inside slowly begins to grow oppressive as you engage in mild conversation, alcohol hot in your throat and stomach. The ice in your drink is melting, watering down the sweet liquor. You swirl it in your glass and take the straw out, knocking back the drink.

“I’m going to go for a cigarette,” you say to the woman you’re speaking to, and pat your pockets for your pack and lighter.

“Oh, I don’t smoke.”

You glance around the room. It smells like cigarettes. You smile at her wryly and say, “You’re in bad company, then. See you in a sec.”

It’s not a promise to return to the conversation, but it’s only polite. You set your drink down, thanking the bartender and you walk out to stand under the awning. There’s someone else there, patting their pockets, too.

You frown as you dig through your coat, and try and pat down your pants until you remember you’re wearing one of your skirts with no pockets. You only find an empty pack of Seven Stars. 

“Could I have one of those?” 

You’re startled by the slightly slurred request from the man standing on the far side of the awning. He’s English, you notice. 

“If I had one at all,” you reply, and turn the packet upside down, shaking it. You stick your hand out and feel the rain. It’s not bad. You saw a convenience store a little down the road. “I’m gonna go get a pack, I think.”

The man walks up to you. “I’ll come with.”

“I’m glad you weren’t expecting me to give you one after I got back from the supply run alone.”

He shrugs, languid and loose. “You seem like a ray of sunshine.” He’s very handsome, you realise, with a nice nose and large, intense eyes, the colour of chocolate in the focused lighting under the awning. 

You smile at his comment. “Aren’t I? Come on.”

You pull your coat up over your head and begin walking in the direction of the convenience store, the only sound coming down the street the distant noise from the main road, your boots clicking on the wet pavement, and the rain coming down gently.

“I’m Alex, by the way,” the man says. Alex says. You commit his name to memory. “This th’part where you give me your name.”

You introduce yourself, slowing down to keep up with his tipsy–or maybe drunken–pace. “Are you with the rest of the party in the bar?”

“Yeah,” he says. “I work with them.”

He looks at you in a simultaneously intense and lazy way, as if he’s figuring out a new problem, the likes of which he already knows what to expect. There’s a naked feeling that comes with this, like he knows what he’s seeing.

“Will you be here very long?” you ask curiously. 

He raises a brow. “Need me for very long, love?”

That startles a laugh out of you and you blush, ever so slightly. “No! I mean–sorry, it’s kind of a thing you ask other foreigners. How long they’ve been here, how long they’ll be here for. This place is kinda… transitory, I guess.”

“Just here for a little while, then Osaka,” he says, answering your question, now his unspoken question clear in the air.

“I study here,” you tell him. “On exchange. I do, um, astrophysics. I go to uni in…”

“England?”

“How’d you know?” you ask suspiciously.

“You said uni.”

“I could be going to uni in Scotland. How Anglocentric of you.”

He shakes his head. “Real big words you’re shooting out there, darlin’.”

“Sorry,” you say, the slightest hint of humorous snark in your voice. “I’ll stop, you do need to keep up.”

Alex laughs. It surprises you, how warm it sounds as you go down the cool, dark street. The air is sticky with humidity, but it feels much lighter when he laughs. 

“You’re a cruel one,” he jokes. “Just the kind of girl I sing about.”

“You sing?” Now that you ask, you can see it in the way he carries himself despite his clear introversion–you can see the confidence and the charm, and when you make eye contact, you realise he knows you see it now.

“Here an’ there.”

A cyclist zips down the street behind you, racing the rain and you jump, shocked by how close he had seemed as he sped on. “Jesus.”

“Yeah.” Alex reaches out and you feel his hand on your shoulder, guiding you to the inner side of the road, and then his hand doesn’t leave. Maybe he actually is drunk. “Maybe don’t walk down th’middle right there, love.”

“I thought I’d hear him,” you grumble slightly. “They’re evil, the bloody bikers here. They cycle on the fucking pavement.”

“That’s your sign to start walking in the middle of the street?” 

You look up at Alex. “You’re a cruel one.”

He laughs again, and you finally see the dim glow of the convenience store a little way down the street. He makes a sound of realisation.

“Yeah, I thought it’d be farther,” you say, brow furrowing.

“I don’t know about you, but there’s somethin’ to be said about how everything feels closer at night.”

“That sounds incorrect,” you say. “But you’re a man with no fear of the darkness.”

He shrugs. “I spook easily. It’s closer when you start running.”

You can’t help your giggle at this admission. “Right,” you say, approaching the convenience store and shaking rain off your damp coat. “I’m so hungry. I need a cigarette so bad.”

The fluorescent lighting stings your eyes a little but you head to the counter and ask for a pack of Seven Stars before turning to Alex. “Which one?”

He examines the line-up behind the till. “Whichever you’re gettin’ darlin’, and… Reds,” he says decisively. 

You ask for those, too, and pull your wallet out, but Alex stops you with a hand on your arm as he pulls out a literal fistful of coins. You start laughing. “Oh my god. Why do you have so many?”

“The lads dumped them on me,” he grumbles, and pays for the cigarettes, cutting his coin balance in half. “Ah. Better.”

“Much,” you agree, giggling. “Come on. I can’t stand to see you in this lighting.”

He follows you as you walk out back into the darkness, rain still falling but gentler now. You don’t mind getting drizzled on for a short walk. It’s warm in the bar, anyway.

“You prefer me in the dark?” Alex says lowly, tone light as he nudges your arm with his elbow. 

You blush, letting out another laugh. “Jesus Christ, Alex. Take me out to dinner, first,” you joke. You open up a pack and pull out the lucky cig and put it back in before taking one out. Next to you, Alex opens up his pack of Reds and does the same. You reach into your pocket automatically, expecting to find your lighter, but your hand closes around air and you groan.

“What?”

“Lighter,” you bemoan, turning around.

“Wait,” Alex says, and pulls a really nice, silver one out of his pocket. He looks up at the dark, cloudy sky, and pulls you into an alcove, a locked-up door with the tiniest awning in the world, and he ends up gently pushing you against the wall. “One sec…”

You’re no longer getting drizzled on, but you’re close enough to feel the raindrops on his coat. You swallow nervously. You’re not put off by his proximity, but…

He places his cigarette between his lips, then lights it. His face is bright in the warm glow, his eyes glowing like amber and you’re struck by how handsome he is–and infuriatingly, your face warms, heart beginning to pound harder.

“Wow,” you say, your cigarette between your bared teeth. “Thanks a million, Alex.”

He leans in. If it were not for the cigarettes, you think he’d kiss you. He touches the tip of his cigarette to yours and you remember to breathe, inhaling deeply as your cig sparks to life gently. Your face is unbelievably hot and you’re deeply grateful for the darkness.

“I wouldn’t leave you wanting, now would I, love?”

You roll your eyes. “Evidently not.” You say this with a smile nonetheless.

“We should finish this here,” he says suddenly. “It’ll go out otherwise.”

“Fair enough,” you reply, and take a deep, calming drag. Your limbs loosen almost deliciously and you can’t help the low, dramatic moan you let out as you exhale. “This is addicting.”

“You don’t smoke often?” Alex’s voice is soft and low, the distinct timbre distracting you. 

“I mean, no, but I am just stating the obvious.”

He offers you his cigarette. “Try this.”

You wrinkle your nose. You tend to avoid the Reds. You like your Seven Stars just fine… but his posture is inviting. You reach up to take it from his hands, but he tuts and you flush before realising and you place your face in his open palm, taking the cigarette between your lips and inhaling deeply.

His thumb brushes your cheek. You feel hot when he does that, your chest tightening with a strange want for more. But you have self-control. You look up at him through your lashes and smile as you take another drag.

“Like it, hm?”

You pull back slowly and his thumb brushes your cheek again. Your fingers tighten around your forgotten cigarette, threatening to crush it. Your heart is pounding in your ears, from the hangover, the alcohol, the nicotine, Alex. 

“It’s… passable,” you murmur. 

“Ah. Give me yours.” His eyes flick to your hand, clenched in a fist and crushing your cigarette ever so slightly. He takes your wrist and your palm falls open as he lowers his head, and he uses you almost as a cigarette holder. You can feel his stubble on your hand and his lips on your fingers.

Mother of god almighty.

He takes a drag, then pulls out to exhale, and comes back in for one more, lips closer to your skin now, properly pressing against your palm.

“I think you like that,” you joke, voice coming out only a little weak, and you clear your throat in an attempt to strengthen it, because smoking makes you hoarse. Right. Smoking.

“I think you did, love,” Alex says with a little smirk as he lowers your hand, but he doesn’t let go of your wrist until you move to take a drag from your own cigarette.

“Don’t be vile.”

“Never have been, never am,” he quips, unbothered by your weak rebuke.

You two finish your cigarettes in oddly comfortable silence, you still against the wall and him half-facing you, half-turned to the road. You put it out, dropping it to your feet and crushing it with the tip of your shoe. There’s hesitation as you move away from the alcove under the awning, and you can’t help but wonder if the strange intimacy you shared there would pass.

Alex puts his cigarette out and places his arm over your shoulders, prompting you to start walking to the bar.

You wonder if he can hear your heart beating as loudly as it is right now. You don’t think you’ve ever been so attracted to someone in a while, and the last time must’ve been right as you started uni and a boy you had liked broke up with you because he was moving away to the mainland.

“Rain’s stopped.”

You look up, your thoughts of kissing him and its consequences sharply interrupted by his comment. “Oh. Yeah. It does that.”

He laughs at your reply, shaking his head. “What a fag does to a girl.”

“Hey,” you complain, nudging his side with your elbow and he laughs harder, jerking away but keeping his arm around your shoulder. “I’m trying. Real hard.”

“Right you are, love.”

“You drive me to drink,” you mutter, smiling.

It doesn’t take long to get back to the bar, and even as you enter, his arm doesn’t leave your shoulders as you order a drink at the counter, and Alex butts in, asking for his own and paying.

“You really didn’t have to.”

“All these bloody coins, darlin’.”

You wait for your drinks and you gratefully take yours, thanking the bartender and sipping on it. It’s heady and sweet, and the alcohol hits you harder than you thought it would. “This is good,” you tell Alex, who is watching you, holding a tumbler of whisky in his free hand.

His other hand squeezes your shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Very good.” Your eyes fall to the clock on the wall as you glance up over Alex’s shoulder. “I’m going to miss my train home, I think.”

He turns to look. “What time…?”

“In ten minutes,” you say with a sharp sigh. “It’s a fifteen minute walk there. Seven if I sprint.”

Alex looks down at your shoes, then smiles. “Guess you’ll be getting lucky at a hospital tonight?”

You laugh, closing your eyes and pressing your fingers to your temple. “Ughhhh. No. Not tonight. I’ll just…” You glance around the room, then look at him. “I don’t know. All-night karaoke.”

He raises a brow. “I’m not surprised they have that here. I can’t say I’m tempted, though.”

“It’s not half bad, but don’t worry, you’re not invited. Can’t let you upstage me.”

“Stay with me,” he blurts out. This is clearly uncharacteristic for him to do–to be so bold and direct, and it shows on his face when he glances away, slightly embarrassed. “If you haven’t got plans to sing all night.”

“Okay,” you find yourself agreeing. There is a certain peculiarity in this, considering the fact that you have never so easily agreed to a man, albeit without sexual innuendos, propositioning you spend a night with him. But Alex comes across differently, his charm subtle and almost excruciatingly calm, like it’s in his skin rather than a look he puts on. 

You finish your drink. The liquor burns sweetly. 

Alex knocks back his tumbler of whisky as if it was a shot, and you wrinkle your nose. “That’s meant to be savoured. You’re like a uni kid.”

He gives you a look. There's still a little left in his glass. “When in Rome…”

You’re a little clumsier under the influence, a little more comfortable being touched with every sip. “Think I should get another?”

Alex checks his watch. “One for the road.”

Someone tells his–yours too, now–party that their last train is in 15 minutes, and their station is closer. 

Alex orders you two more drinks, and when he lets go of your shoulder to point at the menu, he puts it back on your waist this time, hand warm against your body. You hardly resist, one hand coming up to gently squeeze his wrist before you lean in against him. Someone finds Alex, emerging from one of the more crowded corners.

“Alex,” the man slurs. He has one of the most English faces you’ve ever seen. 

You blink. “Miles Kane.”

“Miles Kane,” Miles repeats. “He’s somewhere a… oi, that’s me.”

“You know him?” Alex asks you, surprised. You had never shown any indication you knew Alex, but you know Miles.

“My best friend thinks you’re really fit,” you tell Miles. “She keeps showing me pictures of you.”

“Now, is your best friend in this room, and is she half as fit as you?” Miles drawls out with a grin. “Because, if so…”

“My best friend is at LSE,” you blurt out, surprised, unable to comment on your best friend’s fitness in surprise.

“LS… Oh, Jesus,” Miles whistles. “You’re young.” He looks at Alex, who you are leaning on, who has his hand on your hip.

You shrug. “And you are…?”

“The cheek of this one, Al!” Miles laughs loudly, and Alex laughs at your question. “Alright, alright, won’t comment on it. No need to give me a crisis, gorgeous.”

“I don’t give anything,” you reply, smiling. 

“Right,” he says, and drunkenly points at you and Alex, up and down. “Right.”

Alex feels your eyes on him. “I bought her cigarettes an’ drinks. I gave her things.”

“As I said. I don't give a thing.”

“Riiiiight,” Miles says, laughing. “Alright, join us, love. Your humour keeps me young.”

But with that, Miles wanders off, leaving you alone with Alex.

“You know him?”

“I guess I know you,” you say. “Alex Turner.” You had never seen him live, but you've heard his songs on the radio a few times. You never thought he'd be particularly attractive to you, but you're also not surprised anymore. 

He gives you a sidelong look as he finishes his whiskey. “Does that matter to you?”

You shrug. “Should it?”

There's a look that flashes in his eyes and he says, with a smile, “No, guess not.”

As it turns out, the Japanese interpreter they had brought along was utterly sloshed. You're not surprised by this either, so you end up telling Alex to tell everyone what to do, because you're hardly going to take charge of a group you're not part of. The two of you end up leading the way, anyway, but you earn no curious looks. 

“The rain is gentler now,” Alex notes as you walk, his hand warm on your hip, skimming the edge of your skirt, lifting the hem of your jacket.

“It’s still sticky.”

“Makes you wanna peel your skin right off,” he muses in a way that doesn’t make that sound creepy at all. Or only a little bit, at worst.

You make it down to the station and he tells you which stop. It's a little while away, and when you sit, he places his head against yours. It's been so long since you've delighted in any kind of intimacy. There was no envy when you saw couples do this on the train, sleeping on each other, waiting for their stop.

Now you might be a little envious after tonight, and you have the slightly nauseous realisation that you might do anything to capture this feeling again. The warmth of his body against yours, his shoulder pressed to your own, his soft breathing you ultimately end up mimicking. The train trembles to a stop.

“Our stop,” you say, words slurring as you realise how much you've had to drink when you get the chance to rest.

Alex mumbles something then rises.

“Stop mumbling.”

He shoots you a look. “Mean. I said ‘okay.’” 

Miles, on his other side, says, “No, he didn't.”

“What did he say?”

Alex shushes Miles drunkenly.

“He said, ‘I like the way you say that.’”

You shake your head and smile. It's a short walk to their hotel, a very nice one. You pile into the elevator in groups, Alex giving one of the security detail a look when they try and have you take the next one. 

“You're too confident for your own good,” you mumble to Alex in the crowded elevator, while everyone is drunkenly chattering in low, slurred voices. 

“Confident about what?” he whispers back. His mouth is warm against your ear.

It’s just the alcohol that’s very, very warm in your body. Right. Just the liquor. 

You and the group file out once you reach one of the uppermost floors and you realise that you have almost forgotten who you’re with. The opulence is dazzling and it makes your eyes burn. You sway, and Alex places his hand on your hip again. “Steady on, love.”

“Aye, captain,” you remark dryly. 

He pulls you towards a door and fishes a keycard out of his pocket, and he nudges you in, following and locking the door behind you with a soft click. The room is dimly lit, a suitcase left open on the floor, a few clothes strewn about on chairs, an acoustic on the coffee table. It’s a mess that room service had left behind–his bed is immaculately done up. Your mouth goes dry. Pillows have never looked so inviting before.

“It’s a Japanese thing to take your shoes off,” Alex murmurs from behind you, the hand on your hip casual yet persistent. What an oxymoron that is, but you can’t describe it any other way; his fingers are soft, easily shaken off, but they stay even as he kicks his shoes away, and he doesn’t bother with politely nudging them to the side.

You bend down to remove your boots and you sway even worse than before. 

“You’re like a stalk of wheat in th’breeze.”

“Don’t distract me,” you reply, focused on the laces of your boots. Then Alex casts a shadow in the dim lights as he bends down, deftly undoing the knot and taking your shoes off for you, breathing out a slow, drunken and sighing laugh.

You find that his hand is on your ankle and you look into his eyes—he looks up, he looks beautiful on his knees–and he looks hungry. Starved.

You’re not the type to sleep with strangers. Not with rockstars, especially. Those are the last thoughts in your head before you make the decision to lean down and kiss him. What a good thing that you do–his mouth is soft and warm as you press your mouth to his, pliant and open and waiting. Eager, if there’s anything to say about how his grip tightens around your ankle and his free hand comes up to your cheek and his fingers snake their way into your hair. You sigh into the kiss when he does that–he takes it as the opportunity to slip his tongue in your mouth. Tentative at first, then exploratory. Your head spins at the taste of his mouth, all liquor and Alex at once.

He only draws back to stand up, but in the brief moment you glimpse his face before he is on you again, you see the way he looks at you, like you are a struck match. You can smell him when he kisses you standing now: cigarettes, rain, leather. His hands are grasping your waist, your coat bunching around his fingers as he pulls it off you with what seems to be his oxymoronic attitude about these things: gentle, hurried. Desperate, steady.

“I don’t do this often,” you murmur when you two come apart for a little air. “Or–at all.”

Alex kisses you, then the corner of your mouth, your cheek, your jaw, your ear. “Good.”

It’s very tense silence for a moment when he says that, and then it’s a rush and his mouth is on your neck, sure to leave marks, and you slip your hands into his jacket and Alex takes it off, discarding it on the floor and his mouth–his talented, talented mouth is still on your neck, moving from one spot to another and his warm hands pull your tucked sweater out of your skirt; so many things are happening at once and you can feel him want so many things at once as he slips his hands up your top and his fingers tremble when your cold palms press against the sliver of skin where his t-shirt rides up as he pushes you against the wall, and he is slipping this thigh between your knees and you gasp–good god, you are kissing again, and the heat of his body comes in waves as he kisses you and you think your knees are about to give out and it hasn’t even been three minutes since you stepped into his hotel room and the bed is so close and so far away.

Your hand reaches up for his arms and you can feel the flex of muscle and the warmth of his skin and you don't think you've ever been so hungry before, paralysed with want as his hands reach for your bra—you almost thought he'd be deft with it, with those lovely hands but he's clumsy and he scrabbles for the hooks on either side in a frustrated rush that ultimately has you lifting your top off your head and you hear the hiss of his breath as his open, hot mouth finds the top of your breast while you are in the midst of stripping and he is in the midst of ripping your bra off.

“There,” you say, voice coming out in a hissing sigh as the hand that is not clutching your hip and pulling you into him finds your nipple as his tongue laves at the edges of the peak of the breast he had kissed. “Right—fuck—there.”

His thigh is nudging your weak, ineffective legs apart and you suck in a sharp breath as it presses against that spot, right there, there, there—

“You taste good,” Alex says. What an understatement for his urgency—his teeth scrape and you arch your back with a silent gasp. 

His fingers dig into your waist, nudging your skirt down and you reach for his belt, unbuckling it with shaking hands and he groans against your chest as you undo his jeans, loosening up the tightness and you can feel his cock better now, burning hot through his boxers into the side of your mons and you cannot help the gasping, breathless sigh you release that you didn't know you were holding when he kissed you, and now he kisses you again—short but deep and nearly careless with urgency. Then, somehow, when he pulls away to grind closer, the space between your bodies tighter, you manage to place your mouth on the soft skin of his neck and the heat of his skin is addictive, and the realisation that he's a real person who can feel all of this too is quite nearly too much until he pulls you away from the wall and walks you backwards into the bed, landing the two of you in a messy, hungry heap atop it.

“Ow, fuck—my cock—”

“Jesus fuck, did you have to be so rough—Alex,” you hear yourself say, pleading and demanding and breathless. “Alex.”

“I like it when you say my name,” he says, looking up at you. “Not that Jesus bloke.”

This startles a laugh out of you and he takes it as the opportunity to pounce, his lips sharp on yours, heady waves of pleasure crashing into your body as he reaches for the back of your skirt in an attempt to get it off—he’s successful and you can feel his excitement at that when he kisses you harder, presses his cock insistently into your thigh. Your hands come up to tangle through his hair and he groans into your mouth when your grip tightens, and you decide that you really, really like that sound.

“If I can't get your fuckin’ stockings off, love,” Alex slurs, the warning clearly on the tip of his tongue the way he says it with such sharp urgency, “I’m gonna rip them off.”

“Don't,” you gasp as his mouth finds your neck again and you squirm, pushing your hips up into his in such a way that has him shuddering and with a sudden need for air, “I like these.”

“Get you new ones,” he practically growls against your collarbone.

“I got these in London—”

“Better.” And rip your stockings he does, cleanly from the bottom up and he rips them off until you are finally, finally left in your panties and he pulls back, his eyes nearly black in the lighting and his pupils blown-out. His gaze is hungry, eating one glance of you at a time, almost in slivers as his eyes drag down torturously slow, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. “Much better.”

“Fuck me,” you tell him, heart hammering in your chest. You sit up and your fingers find his hips, playing with the waistband of his boxers. You can see him closing his eyes, swaying for a second, and then he looks at you like a piece of meat dangling in front of a starved animal when you snap his waistband against his hips for his attention. “Are you gonna fuck me?”

“N… No, not yet. I want you to—unless there's lube—” 

You ghost your mouth over the hard tent in his boxers. “You were saying?” You breathe out, hot and soft over his bulge and his hands find your head, both coming down the side but one placing itself under your chin and the other on the side of your head.

“Fuck.”

“I know,” you say, and you're pulling his boxers off, freeing his painfully hard cock and admiring the reddened, leaking tip, glossy with pre-cum. Your tongue darts out for a lick, his hand finds its way into your hair and tightens there, almost like a warning. You take him in, a bit at a time. First his tip, and then all the way down.

Alex gasps, properly gasps, his hips jerking his cock deeper and nudging your throat. You choke but hold in place, looking up at him through your lashes, eyes glittering and shining with want.

“Good,” he breathes, flushed and hungry.

Your tongue traces the underside of his heavy cock, the tip of your tongue dragging against the sensitive red tip–silky and hot around the red tip and then you swallow him back down again and Alex hisses your name, his hips thrusting into your mouth with barely controlled restraint, one hand coming up to clasp his opposite shoulder and the lower half of his face tucking into his elbow–distantly, you wonder if he’s going to sneeze, god forbid, then in the darkness you make out the red flush of his cheeks and he’s embarrassed, god, he’s embarrassed–

You suck in earnest, taking him in deep and when your throat tightens as you swallow around him, his cock jumps in your mouth, thrusting into the very back of your throat and you choke again and refuse to break your gaze–then Alex makes a decision, one hand grasping the back of your neck, the other on the side of your head. He fucks your mouth, his thumb trembling with restraint as it pads at your cheek, pressing under your glassy, hungry eyes.

Mouth open wide, cheeks hollowed as you suck, bright, teary, starving eyes shining with want—Alex pulls back from you suddenly with a shuddering gasp. “Oh, love, I can’t—not yet—”

You kiss the tip of his cock, tongue darting out like a kitten.

Alex moans, honest-to-god moans all low and deep and lifts your chin away from his heavy, leaking cock. “Stop. I don't—I still want to fuck you.”

You smile, razor sharp but softened by intoxication. Whether it's alcohol or his cock in your mouth, it's hard to tell. Alex looks at your grin and thinks of papercuts.

He swallows, throat bobbing, then he bends down to kiss you, pushing you back down onto the bed and finding your fingers. You think he's just gonna hold your hand and then he is clasping your wrist and pressing it firmly into the bed as his mouth closes on a nipple again. You arch your back, gasping as you push your breast into his mouth and he pushes back, teeth scraping on your soft skin, biting back a gasp when you feel his cock, wet with your spit pressing hard and insistently against the inside of your thigh.

His fingers dig into the soft skin of your thigh, slipping your panties down so quickly you would say you barely noticed if it hadn’t been for his sharp inhale as he pressed his fingers against your cunt, just the outside.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he says, words strained with hunger, drawn out by liquor. “God, you’re so fuckin’ wet…”

“I prefer it when you say my name–ah!” you gasp as he spreads your lips apart, searching for your clit with the rough pad of his thumb. “Better than that God bloke.”

“You’re mouthy,” he observes, and draws circles with his thumb, a smug, lazy grin forming on his face as your hips jerk in response.

“Just like you,” you shoot back, “Just like–fuck, fuck, fuck, that’s good–”

“Just like you,” Alex repeats, and replaces his thumb with his mouth, tongue flat against your clit, slickly flicking and dragging against your skin. He groans at the taste of you. It reverberates through your body, like his laugh when your hips jerk up involuntarily. He clicks his tongue. “Impatient.”

His hand abandons your wrist to loop around your thighs, one on each side, holding you wide open—exposed, so exposed and naked—and mercifully, his eyes are closed as he eats you out like a starving man, all lips and tongue and teeth scraping at your skin hungrily. And Alex moans when you arch into him, pushing your cunt further against his face, his nose digging into your pubic bone—you moan when he moans, begging yes, Alex, right there, please and he only groans and drunkenly laughs at your pleading and he doesn't stop his steady pace, it’s almost punishing how well he does this, and the shockwaves of pleasure turn into a low vibrational hum that echoes from the top of your head to the tips of your toes like standing too close to speakers at a concert, your body too hot, desperate to be pressed against another body, his body to be perfectly precise—and his mouth is perfect precision when he flicks his tongue.

“Good, yeah, cum for me, love. You look so pretty when you’re about to cum—”

You do, back arching, and you feel your teeth click on your knuckles as you stupidly try to hold a cry down but it doesn't work and Alex is laughing against your cunt, not mockingly but with far too much smugness for a man that got too shy to look at you while you blew him. 

Your head is pounding with pleasure, chest tight and breathing stuttering in time with your heart threatening to jump right out of your chest. You look at him, dazed and drunk, and say, “You gonna fuck me now?”

Alex is still laughing—giggling, really. “Yeah. Yeah, I will…” Then as he trails off he hauls your legs to side off his body as he lifts your hips up to match him kneeling on the bed. 

You can’t see what he’s doing, what his eyes are now trained on, but you can feel it–his cock slickly and delicately tracing your seam. And you can see Alex, the trembling in his shoulders, the restrained breaths as he teases himself almost as much he’s teasing you, the way he is biting his lip, brow furrowed with restraint. You see his throat bob as he swallows thickly, silently, the entire motion remaining with his body.

There’s a plea in the back of your throat, your body hot and dizzy, and you want him to just fucking do it, right now, right now, right now–but when his name exits your mouth, it’s coaxing. Warm.

“Alex…”

Then he pushes himself in with a low hiss, eyes falling shut. “Fuck,” he says, strained and breathless.

It pulls a soft gasp from you, the way he fills you, and he shifts forward almost gingerly, leaning forward and bending over you until you are nearly nose to nose and he grasps one of your wandering hands again, fingers closing around your wrist as he pins it to the bed, his weight sinking you into the mattress; your other hand is free to move, it finds the back of his head, his nape, his back and making a map out of his body.

Alex kisses you once, twice, and then he moves. There’s a certain drunk clumsiness to him now, not missing any spots but he’s careless with a steady, building force and your chest is heaving as you are jolted with each sharp thrust of his hips. Right there, you think, holding back a moan, but you realise you weren’t thinking when he lets out a strangled sound as you feel the pressure building, your body tightening up and around him, and he whispers, “Yeah, there?”

“There,” you gasp. 

There, Alex, there, there, there spills from your mouth with each shift of his hips, his head dipping as he kisses you with a wonderful desperation that makes you gasp his name into his mouth and he groans again as you feel his fingers tremble around your wrist and the heat of his body is everything now, coming off him in a sticky way like the hot Japanese rain, the scent of whiskey and cigarettes and clouds in his hair, but you want his skin to stick to yours, you want the pleasure of it–fuck, Alex, don’t–and he says your name, telling you he won’t stop in shaky breaths as he presses his lips to the corner of your mouth, your cheek, your jaw. His eyelashes flutter and scrunch against your neck.

“Good?” he says into your skin, teeth dragging on your sensitive flesh.

You arch into him, hungry for more, and he keeps moving, he said he wouldn’t stop so he doesn’t and you can feel it, the pleasure drumming in your head and your toes, your ears and your heart and your body tenses as if you’re running one last stretch, then Alex moans, low and sweet into your ear again, like he is feeling all of this too. And you’re already sensitive, already on edge from cumming just now, it’s tantalisingly close, you’re tantalisingly close and you only get closer when you feel his pace grow erratic and nearly harsh, and then his right hand which you had nearly forgotten about marks a firm path up your side and then your breast, tugging at your nipple and you cry out his name. Under him, your body twists with pleasure, raw and convulsing as you cum so hard the whole world seems to tremble with you sharply.

Alex groans. “I’m going to–”

“Not inside,” you gasp.

“Right, right, oh, fuck–” He bears down on his left arm, pinning your hand deeper and almost painfully tight into the sheets as he pulls out hurriedly, hand going down as he strokes himself roughly, head lifted and gaze down as he shudders almost helplessly, moaning as he cums, making a mess all over your stomach, warm and sticky and in a surprising quantity. 

You wish you knew him well enough to let him cum inside, now that you think of it through the last, pounding darts of heat that strikes through your brain from your orgasm.

Alex looks up at you, eyes heavy and satiated. “Good?” he mumbles. He sounds like he ought to be drinking water.

“Good,” you affirm with a trembling breath.

He groans and relaxes, slumping down and letting go of your wrist and utterly mindless of the cum that’s going to be a pain to clean up between your bodies. His face is back in the crook of your neck. You can feel his eyelids fluttering shut, as if he’s trying to stay awake.

“‘m so tired.”

“For good reason,” you murmur, fighting off a yawn. It’s a losing battle, and then Alex yawns against your shoulder.

“Don’ do that.”

You yawn again. “Should clean up. It’s so sticky.”

“Always time to shower in the morning.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he says so quietly, and then he goes so quiet, his breaths evening out, that you know for certain that he’s asleep.

You close your eyes. There go your plans to leave on the first train in the morning.

[sosa2imagines]

Hi! I hope you are doing well! I was wondering if would do a short part 2 of Promises made, promises kept where Steve does in fact come back to be with Reader again, realizing his mistake, but finds out that Reader moved on from him and is completely heart broken.😈😏

Warnings- Fluff, angst. 2.2k words.

Disclaimer- Here's part 2 of Promises broken, Promises kept. Hope you like it.

Four years.

That's how long it had been since Steve Rogers decided to go back in time to live his life with Peggy Carter.

In those years, you had found a new normal with Bucky Barnes, a man who had stepped in and provided the stability you and your daughter needed. Your daughter adored Bucky and called him “Pa” without hesitation.

Bucky had been there from the beginning, supporting you through the pain of Steve's departure.

Slowly, an unexpected connection had grown between you and Bucky, a bond forged through shared experiences and a common goal of raising your daughter.

Bucky had become a fixture in your lives, fulfilling each promise he made.

He was there for every milestone, from your daughter's first steps to her first day of school. He comforted her when she was scared, dried her tears when she skinned her knee, and celebrated her triumphs with boundless pride.

On a chilly winter night, a faint cry pierced the silence. In an instant, Bucky was out of bed, his instincts on high alert. He rushed to your his daughter's room, where he found her tossing and turning, caught in the throes of a nightmare.

“Pa!” she cried out, reaching for Bucky with trembling fingers. He was there in an instant, wrapping her in a comforting embrace. “Shh, it's okay,” he murmured, his voice gentle yet filled with unwavering strength. “I'm here.”

Bucky scooped her up into his arms, rocking her softly as he settled into the rocking chair in the corner of the room. He cradled her close, murmuring hushed reassurances and stroking her hair until her sobs subsided.

As Bucky comforted her, your daughter's words came out between hiccups and sobs. “I had a dream... daddy came to take me away.” Confusion mixed with fear as her little voice quivered.

Bucky's heart clenched at her words. He tightened his hold on her as he tried to steady his voice, masking the whirlwind of emotions within him. “Don't worry, sweetheart. That was just a bad dream. You're safe here, with me.” he assured her, his voice soft yet firm.

Natalia's grip on Bucky tightened as she pleaded her fears, her tiny fingers clinging to his shirt. “Promise me you won't go,” she implored, her voice trembling with vulnerability. “Promise me you'll always be my Pa!”

Bucky's heart ached at her words, his resolve deepening. He gently took her little hands in his, holding them firmly against his chest. “I promise you, sweetheart,” he whispered, his voice filled with unwavering determination. “I will always be your father, no matter what.”

As your daughter's breathing steadied into a peaceful slumber, Bucky continued to hold her close, his gaze softening. In the quiet of the room, a silent promise echoed in his heart. He vowed to protect her with all his strength, to be the rock she could always rely on.

Life settled into a comfortable rhythm. Your connection with Bucky deepened, a bond forged through shared experiences and mutual trust.

Your daughter blossomed under his love and guidance, and you found solace in his unwavering support. Laughter echoed through the house, and joy filled the air as you built cherished memories together.

But one stormy evening, the knock on your door came unexpected, the sound cutting through the peaceful evening.

As you opened it, your heart skipped a beat. Steve Rogers stood there, a man you hadn't seen in years. The years had marked him, casting shadows on his rugged features. He looked older, more worn, yet unmistakably him.

“Steve...” you said, barely able to hide your surprise.

“I came back.” Steve announced, his voice cold and detached, a stark contrast to the warmth you once knew. It was as if time had frozen him mid-way between the person he was and who he had become. 

“Thought I'd check on what I left behind...” he continued, the words hanging in the air like a silent accusation.

Your daughter, who had been clinging to your leg, peered around your legs, her eyes wide with curiosity at the familiarly unfamiliar figure. “Mommy, who's that?” she asked innocently. 

Before you could respond, Bucky stood next to you, his protective instincts immediately on high alert. “Steve,” he said, a mix of surprise and tension in his voice, “what are you doing here?”

Steve's gaze hardened as he glared at Bucky, frustration and jealousy evident in his eyes. “I see you didn't waste any time moving on!” he accused, his voice laced with bitterness. 

You stepped forward, placing yourself between them, your heart beating wildly. “Steve, you made your choice...” you said firmly, your voice unwavering. “ You chose your life. We had no choice but to find our own path.”

Bucky's fists clenched at his sides, his gaze unwavering as he regarded Steve with a mix of caution and protectiveness. He wouldn't let the man who had hurt you and left you when you were pregnant, intrude on your newfound happiness without a fight.

Steve's gaze shifted to your daughter, a flicker of something indistinguishable crossing his face. “Does she even know who I am?” he asked, a cruel undertone lurking in his voice. 

Bucky, ever the rock in your tumultuous life, responded firmly, his voice unwavering. “She knows her family!” he retorted. “And that's all that matters.” His words echoed with years of selfless love and devotion.

Steve's eyes darkened at Bucky's response, his jaw tightening in frustration. The reality of his absence and the changes that had taken place in your lives seemed to dawn on him with a bitter clarity.

Steve's laugh was devoid of any warmth or mirth, a cold, bitter sound that sent a chill down your spine. “So, you think you can replace me, Barnes?” he taunted, his tone laced with scorn. “You think you can just waltz in and claim what's mine?”

Steve's jealousy and possessiveness were palpable, his gaze fixated on Bucky. It was as if he saw your family as property that he had discarded and now sought to reclaim.

Bucky's fists clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowing at Steve's words. He didn't back down, standing firm in his role as your protector and father figure to your daughter. “This isn't about replacing you!” he countered, his voice steady. “It's about being here for them when you weren't.”

Steve's face darkened at Bucky's candid response, his resentment growing. The reality of his absence and the pain it had caused seemed to hit him all at once, yet his stubborn pride prevented him from fully acknowledging his own shortcomings.

Steve, in a desperate attempt to connect with his estranged daughter, approached her with a forced air of familiarity. “Hey princess...” he started, the pet name sounding hollow in his mouth, “I'm your father, your real father.”

The words hung in the air, heavy with implications and laced with a mix of guilt and longing. Your daughter, innocent and oblivious to the complex emotions at play, looked up at Steve with wide, unsuspecting eyes.

Relief washed over you as you recalled the conversation you had with your daughter not too long ago. Back then, knowing that Steve's return was a possibility, you had decided to tell her the truth about her father.

However, your daughter had taken that information and formed her own steadfast conviction: Bucky was her father.

Natalia, her small frame trembling slightly, clung to Bucky, her tiny hands holding onto him with unwavering determination. She peered out from behind him, her eyes locking onto Steve. “No!” she proclaimed with a defiant pout. “This is my Pa.”

Bucky's heart swelled with gratitude and pride as he felt Natalia cling to him, her tiny hands holding onto him with childlike determination. He gently placed his own hand over hers, a silent promise to shield her from any harm, whether it came from Steve or anyone else.

Steve, his ego bruised and his emotions in turmoil, couldn't hide the anger that surged through him. His face twisted with frustration, and his voice laced with a mix of bitterness and entitlement, he snapped, “She's my daughter! I have a right to see her.”

Before you or Bucky could respond, Steve's attention turned to your daughter again. His voice was laced with a possessiveness that sent a chill down your spine. “I'm your father!” he yelled, his tone filled with a mix of desperation and frustration. “Not him!”

Natalia, young and innocent, jumped in fright at his raised voice, her small frame trembling with fear.

Bucky, his protective instincts on high alert, wouldn't stand for anyone, not even Steve, scaring his daughter. Seeing Natalia tremble with fear, he instinctively stepped forward, shielding her from Steve's tumultuous presence.

Bucky's stance was unwavering, his body tensed and ready to protect Natalia at all costs. His loyalty to her and her well-being outshone any lingering attachment he might have had to Steve. In that moment, it was clear that nothing was more important to him than keeping her safe and shielded from harm.

Your voice, filled with unwavering conviction, cut through the tension. “Steve,” you said, your tone firm yet laced with a mix of hurt and anger, “enough. You left. You chose differently. You don't get to barge back into our lives and question the choices we had to make to move forward. Bucky has been here, through thick and thin, supporting us, loving us. You gave up that right when you walked away.”

Steve's face visibly tensed, his features contorting with a cocktail of regret and simmering resentment. The weight of his own choices seemed to settle heavily upon him, as your words hit their mark. After a palpable pause, he muttered, “Maybe I made a mistake coming here.”

The silence that stretched between you all was filled with a myriad of emotions - regret, longing, anger, and frustration. Bucky, standing steadfastly by your side, was a silent pillar of strength, his presence a testament to the bond you had forged in the wake of Steve's absence.

Bucky, his voice steady and resolute, “This isn't about making things right or reclaiming what's yours, Steve,” he said, his tone unwavering. “It's about what's best for them.” His eyes glinted with a mix of protectiveness and affection as he glanced at you and Natalia, his unspoken promise to always protect them evident in his demeanor.

Bucky's words carried weight, each syllable imbued with the depth of his commitment. “You had your chance,” he continued, his voice unwavering. “You made your choice, and we made ours. Now it's time for you to decide what's important to you - your past mistakes or their happiness.”

The room seemed to still, the intensity of Bucky's words hanging in the air. You could see the impact they had on Steve, his face etched with a mix of guilt and defiance, as if struggling to reconcile the reality of his actions with the life you and Natalia had built without him.

“You broke your promises, Steve,” you said, your voice tinged with a mix of disappointment and heartache. “You said you'd always be there, that you'd come back. But you didn't.” A pause hung in the air, the weight of your words palpable.

“Bucky,” you continued, your voice softening with gratitude, “he kept all of his promises. He was there for us, every step of the way.”

The weight of your words settled heavily in the room, emphasizing the contrast between Steve's broken vows and Bucky's unwavering loyalty.

Steve's gaze darted between you and Bucky, the weight of his actions sinking in. His voice lowered slightly, laced with a mix of frustration and resignation. “Fine,” he acquiesced, his tone softer yet tinged with bitterness. “But don't expect me to just disappear.” His words hung in the air, a mix of defiance and regret, hinting at his unwillingness to be completely shut out of the lives he had walked away from.

As Steve turned to leave, a flicker of realization crossed his face, a glimpse at the magnitude of what he had lost. The sound of the door closing behind him marked the finality of his departure, an indictment of his own choices. In the silence that followed, the weight of his loss and the solitude that was now his own doing became painfully apparent.

You found solace in Bucky's embrace, his warmth a balm to the chill left by Steve's presence. His arms encircled you, offering solace and security in the aftermath of the tumultuous encounter.

“We've got each other,” Bucky whispered, his voice a warm whisper against your skin, as he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. The tumultuous storm outside mirrored the chaos of emotions stirred by Steve's visit, but in that moment, wrapped in Bucky's embrace, you found peace and certainty.

“That's all we need.” he murmured, emphasizing the bond that had grown between you. And amid the echoes of your past, your heart and future now stood firm in the present, fortified by your love for Bucky.

Natalia, her little hands tugging at Bucky's pant leg, looked up at him with wide, pleading eyes. “Up, up!” she giggled, her voice sweet and eager. Bucky's face lit up with an affectionate smile as he scooped her up into his arms, lifting her up high with a hearty laugh.

Without hesitation, you stepped into the embrace, snaking your arms around both Natalia and Bucky, completing the circle of love. In that moment, as you clung to one another, you felt a profound sense of unity, a sense of being a family beyond blood or circumstance.

Meanwhile as Steve walked away from your doorstep, a heaviness settled upon him. The weight of his choices and the broken promises echoed loudly in the emptiness of his solitude. Although he couldn't change the past, he held onto a glimmer of hope that someday, he might find a place in his daughter's life.

However, for now, he was left to navigate the consequences of his actions, the storm of his loneliness mirroring the storm that had passed through your home.

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[lostintransist]

It Had Been Love

Companion story to It Was Almost Love | AO3 for It Was Almost | AO3 for It Had Been

@frostynight0265 I hope I did this story justice for you. CW: Reader is dead, Simon dies off screen, John Price grieves. I make it somewhat better by the end.

Price knew Simon had passed the same way he knew you had disappeared from this plane; the weight of an unseen hand on his shoulder.

Trapped behind his desk, he hadn’t noted the date. Buried alive in bureaucracy, calling his former lieutenant hadn’t crossed his mind. He should have. Maybe Simon would have outlived midnight of your death anniversary. Too late. How many times had he been too late to save a soldier?

The cloak of distance always came with the hand of fate on his shoulder. The shift in the air, the tightness that encased his chest, they told him someone had gone.

A date seared into his neurons blinked at him from the watch face that remained set to London time. Tucking his face into his hands, John wept.

When his tears had dried, the salt leaving tracks on his cheeks, John called for a welfare check on a veteran under the name of Simon Johnson.

Simon didn’t want to keep his father’s name when he retired. Man had looked at John from the weakly inclined position in a hospital bed back on home soil and told him.

“Call me Simon Johnson. You were a better father than my old man ever attempted to be.”

John had pulled him into a hug then; touched beyond reason and treasured the gift.

Simon woke to a warm, wet, long tongue slathering him in kisses. Bringing both hands up to block more unwanted attention, he brushed fur.

Fur?

The only creature that loved him like this with fur had been Riley.

Snapping his eyes open, he found Riley.

That dog had died, retired, fat, and happy years ago.

The people who took Riley in had sent him a paw and nose print as well as a few photos and some ashes after the good boy had passed.

Riley settled, pressed against his ribs, nose following the junction of Simon’s shoulder.

Memories returned slowly. Losing his leg, losing the only thing that gave his life meaning, missing you. He finally remembered the last few moments and he sighed.

His chest didn’t ache anymore. His back didn’t scream at him for laying flat, nor did his ankle ache. The leg the bomb had taken from him had been the same as yours. He thought of it as fate.

Craning his head up, he found two legs, knees, ankles, and feet. His brows tucked close together.

Glancing at Riley he commented aloud.

“Well, that is a bit unexpected.”

Riley licked him again.

“They spoiled you bad at your hospice home, huh?”

Simon sat up. Wiping the slobber from his face with one hand, he settled the other in Riley’s scruff. He wore a comfortable henley, black of course, a pair of dark wash jeans, and his favorite pair of boots that had fallen apart nearly fifteen years back. The local cobbler had been shocked to hear how long they had served. No mask covered his face. He found all his scars in place as he ran his searching fingers over his skin.

“Well Riley, where the hell are we?”

The old man of a dog moved like he was two again, bounding up to his paws. Riley nosed at Simon’s arm, encouraging his friend. Sitting up, he took in the one-room cottage. A small table and a cheery blaze spoke to a kitchen to his left. To his right, he found a large bed. The covers were turned down like someone had expected him. The wall next to the bed had been shaped out to be a bookshelf. They overflowed with familiar-looking spines. A rocking chair sat next to the shelves, inviting him in. At the end of the bed, a deep chest blocked any cool air that would have flowed from the door. Simon assumed this door led to outside.

Standing from the worn stone floor was easier than Simon had ever experienced. Even childhood had been riddled with aches and pains from the hurting hands of his father. Stretching experimentally, his hands brushed the beams.

“I wonder if these could hold me,” he muttered as his hands settled to either side of the thick wood.

Lifting himself until his shoulder prevented any more height, the wood remained silent. Dropping to the floor Simon noticed that his knees didn’t creak with the motion.

“Huh. Death is a lot more well-built than I expected.”

Riley barked and spun in a circle once.

“Alright boy, you’ve been here longer. Let’s go and explore.” Simon smiled at his dog. He couldn’t find a word that held the strength of his feelings for this reunion.

The exterior of the storybook cottage exceeded his expectations. Riley took off at a full sprint. A clearing ringed in flowers and towering trees welcomed him to walk wherever he may wander. Riley circled the house three times before coming to trot at Simon’s side as they explored each bit of the unexpected treasure. Simon found a small garden, unfamiliar plants pushing their heads through the soil.

Time moved like it had before death, but more kindly. The weather shifted with the sun but earth-shaking storms or scorching heatwaves never appeared. When Simon longed for a day to sit by the fire and listen to the rain patter against the thatched roof, the afterlife obliged.

A full set of seasons spiraled before something changed. With each new season, he would open the cabinet where his clothes lived and find appropriate options for the weather. When the snow got parted around his thighs it even provided coats for Riley.

Each morning Simon rose he stretched a bit taller and breathed a bit deeper. Tending to the garden he ate from for pleasure and not for sustenance became one of his favorite ways to pass the time. Walking with Riley in the woods surrounding the small clearing he saw birds and bucks and all manner of animals trailing through the underbrush.

He could feel himself healing.

When winter arrived that first time he did not need to pace the small space like a caged animal. Contentment had never been something he achieved in life.

Spring rose with the pushing up of snowdrops. As the snow melted away a path revealed itself. Clear cut from the trees and bushes the trodden path beckoned him forward, into parts unknown.

He ignored it for a season.

The urge to wander grew, the soles of his feet treading closer each time he explored the woods.

Simon would have ignored the pull indefinitely. Riley had other plans.

The normally well-trained dog alerted at the edge of the path. Body rigid, fur quivering, and attention riveted to Simon. Once he noticed that his dog needed attention, Simon watched in horrified confusion as Riley took off.

Chasing a dog is never fun.

Running after a military-trained bomb dog while fighting back the overwhelming need to vomit due to spiking anxieties? Particularly worse.

They ran for several minutes. Simon never fully lost sight of Riley until a sharp curve to the left.

A shout and laughter had him laying on even more speed.

Skidding to a stop Simon saw an impossible sight.

You, who he had learned to love in your absence, pinned under his dog. You ran your hands all over Riley with cooing words of him being such a good dog, and what a big boy. Riley soaked it up as if Simon did not love on him daily.

A short whistle from Simon had Riley jumping up and settling at his heel.

The words tangled on his tongue. God, the things he wanted to tell you. He wanted to yell and weep and tackle you down like Riley had.

“Long time no see. How you doing, Simon?” You sat up, eyes finding his even in the distance.

“Well…I’m dead,” he lifted and dropped one shoulder.

Your laugh damn near sparkled. Standing, you brushed off any dirt clinging to the seat of your pants.

“Happens to the worst of us.”

Simon laughed. Fully belly laughs that launched sound far and wide. The grin that split your face was worth dying to see.

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