#Skyrim keeps infecting my brain

[thirsty-4-ghouls]

Me, going through MY OWN photography after playing Skyrim, sees a mountain: woagh. Just like Skyrim from my games

[tes-trash-blog]

Mycosis, Or A Slightly More Scientific Take On How The Falmer Came To Be

(Alt title: I’m Never Eating Mushrooms Again)

Yep. This is happening.

Preface: This essay/rant/overanalysis is focusing only on the theoretical physical and biological aspects Falmer devolution. Expect a shorter rant on the spiritual aspect on a later date, thanks to oyarsas.

Part 1. Just Who Were The Falmer Anyway? A Brief Primer

According to the one surviving Snow Elf in Skyrim, the ancient Falmer were a wealthy and advanced race of Elves that occupied a portion of Skyrim during the Merethic Era. A few shenanigans, some unspeakable war crimes, and a genocide later, the remnants of this race fled underground into the waiting arms of the Dwemer. They laid it down in simple terms:

“Many of your people had perished under the roaring, snow-throated kings of Mora, and your wills were broken, and we heard you, and sent our machines against your enemies, to thereby take you under. Only by the grace of the Dwemer did your culture survive, and only by the fifteen-and-one tones did your new lives begin.”

(Fun fact: If you translate the Stone using Ayleid words, it’s actually a lot more sinister!)

This wasn’t out of the goodness of their hearts, as the Dwarves were, in objective terms, dicks. While they didn’t want tearful songs of gratitude or boot-licking, they weren’t about to let a bunch of homeless and traumatized Elves, y’know, recover. No, they wanted something.

“We only request you partake of the symbol of our bond, the fruit of the stones around us. And as your vision clouds, as the darkness sets in, fear not.”

That something was their sight, and their obedience. Given what very little we know about Snow Elven culture, this looked to have been a bit of a big deal. After all, all the Prelates at Auri-El’s wayshrines implement light and sight in their blessings, much of the surviving iconography depicts the sun and its radiance, and what few surviving accounts remain mention the “dread of night” and “blessed sun”.

This wasn’t a decision made lightly, is what I’m getting at. The fact they agreed at all surely meant the Dwarves could do what they wished. Seeing some of the more elaborate torture chambers and traps, we can safely assume they did.

The Blinding happened in the Late Merethic Era, some hundreds of years before the Dragon War and the beginning of the First Era. Now comes the fun part.

And by fun part, I mean gross part.

Part 2. Can’t We Just Wrap This Up And Blame The Dwarves?

It wouldn’t be an overanalysis if I did, now would it?

There are theories abound as to how the Dwarves corrupted them, or they were part of a failed experiment (Underkiing, Lord_Hoot). This essay is going to ignore these theories, and focus on the more biological aspects of the Falmer transformation. Starting with a quote from the last surviving Snow Elf:

“The blinding of my race was supposedly accomplished with a toxin. Certainly not enough to devolve them into the sad and twisted beings they've become.”

This is further supported with the poem The Betrayed:

“Thrown into the pitch black dread of night.

Living in fear as their minds become lost.

As their eyes began dimming the light.”

This lost book also points to the slow creeping of insanity among the Snow Elves, no doubt from the unspeakable horrors seen above ground and the fancy word that made me write this whole damn essay in the first place: Mycotoxin!

Mycotoxins are a broad name for the various types of poisons produced by the Fungi kingdom, specifically those that affect animals, humans, and in this case, Elves. From NCBI’s extensive article on Mycotoxins:

“The majority of mycotoxicoses, on the other hand, result from eating contaminated foods. Skin contact with mold-infested substrates and inhalation of spore-borne toxins are also important sources of exposure. Except for supportive therapy (e.g., diet, hydration), there are almost no treatments for mycotoxin exposure”

“[...] Acute toxicity generally has a rapid onset and an obvious toxic response, while chronic toxicity is characterized by low-dose exposure over a long time period, resulting in cancers and other generally irreversible effects.”

That sounds… bad.

So, there are few if any treatments for mycotoxin exposure, and the Dwarves were not ones to use magic, so the only feasible treatment for the mass-poisoning would have been a good diet and hydration, but something tells me the Dwarves were not keen on giving their slaves either of those. From the Diary of Faire Agarwen, we can reasonably deduce that conditions were cramped, dark, and damp even among those who had political clout:

“Seventh Marking, Tenth Kulniir

[...] Often the surroundings make it impossible to dwell on any happiness. We have been locked together in such close quarters for so long.”

Keep in mind here that a kulniir was a notched basin that functioned as a simple time keeper, using drops of water. The diary also mentions there’s no real natural light, so we see the combination of dark, damp, and cramped. This was from a woman who held some social capital. We can assume that conditions for your average Joe and Sally were much worse.

Even among the best of conditions, the Snow Elves were kept in were prime real estate for molds and fungi to thrive. There is (thankfully) no evidence to support my next claim, but it’s also not exactly a stretch of the imagination.

The Falmer: A Study makes clear that the blinding was a multi-generational effort. Within perhaps two or three generations, the Snow Elves were eternally blind. Adding to the permanent blindness, there very well could have been the more unpleasant, unwanted, and unplanned changes.

I’m talking about mutagens.

To pull a real life example, Fumonisin B1 can cause neural tube defects in utero, which means that the toxin affects the development of the brain and spinal cord, as well as the central nervous system. In extreme, chronic cases of fumonisin poisoning, it can keep the brain from forming into a viable state, causing stillbirths. In a universe where dragons fly around and singing plants can make poisons, it’s not too much of a stretch to say that there is something equally terrifying growing in Blackreach. Already blinded, chronically ill, and hopeless, the next generation of Snow Elves were doomed to an ever lower standard of living without even the knowledge that things could be better. Combine that with whatever mold infected whatever flora that grew underground, similar to how say, fumonisin blights grains and how black mold is generally Really Bad For You.. Well, we can assume that there was a more subtle force that guided them to their ferality than whatever the Dwarves did to them.

In the same way the lead pipes of Rome contributed to developmental problems among their populace, I can imagine the toxic spores creating more violent, more feral Falmer, until finally their very sentience was taken from them. Seeing as all of this culminated into a war that spanned decades, something tells me the Dwarves didn’t see that coming.

Part 3: So… CAN They Be Cured?

The short answer is no. From the words of the Knight Paladin himself:

“I'm afraid that they're well beyond a cure at this point. The twisted forms you've seen didn't occur overnight. It isn't a plague or a disease that ravaged our species. The dwarves may have stolen their sight, but it took many generations for them to become what they are today.”

And as found earlier, there are no effective cures for mycotoxin exposure, and I imagine even less for chronic, multi-generational poisonings like what happened to the Snow Elves of old. I’m assuming, but I really don’t want to ever see that tested in the field.

But not all is lost. Gelebor also notes that the modern Falmer have started to re-develop their intellect. This grabbed me, as the Forgotten Vale is vastly different than the caves and ruins you normally find Falmer in. There’s fresh air and cool breezes, and open spaces for those sad little gremlins to lurk about. In short, they’re away from the poisonous influences of those dark caves and toxic spores.

It’s entirely possible that the Falmer of the Vale are developing, and it’s in part because they’re no longer confined to the dark and damp that was their prison. It’s entirely possible that with enough time, and enough patience, the Falmer could slowly undo the effects of their chronic poisoning. Not enough to become the Snow Elves of legend, those days are long since past, but perhaps enough to break their chains, and finally put a voice to thousands of years of suffering.

Sources, inspirations, and tangentially related articles:

Mycotoxins, from the National Center for Biotechnology Information. A recommended primer on the nature of mycotoxins and their effects on more complex organisms.

Toxic effects of mycotoxins in humans, from the World Health Organization, another excellent starting point if you like reading about poisonous fungi.

Repeating Mistakes of the Past: Another Mycoherbicide Research Bill, a condemnation of using mycotoxins in of all things, drug control. This article also calls the use of mycotoxins against humans for what it is: Biowarfare. An interesting, insightful, and very depressing read.

A review of the toxic effects and mechanisms of action of fumonisin B1, from the journal Human and Experimental Toxicology. Behind a paywall, but the abstract sums it all up quite nicely.

A Wikipedia article on the Mexican Tetra, because I think they’re cute.

UESP, without which I would be even more of a babbling trash gremlin.

[pbandjesse]

I've had a really hard day and I'm very tired. I slept okay last night. I woke up and I got dressed and had toast and tried my best to be a person. I left right away to go to the dentist. And they were really nice to me. But everything kind of went down from there.

My filling broke because I have another cavity under the filling. Which has gotten bad enough that I need another root canal. Which is going to be over $2,600. Because of course it is. So on my walk home I decided to try to get dental coverage. Sort this out before I actually have this procedure done. But then I decided I was going to call Kaiser and find out if I can just add insurance 40th now. Because apparently dental and vision or not included on the open market rules. You can get that anytime. Good enough. And lucky me it turns out I already have some dental coverage. Awesome.

Accepted only knocked off $500 of my total bill. Which still makes it extremely extremely unlikely that I will be able to afford this. So I have to ask my dad for money again. And I feel like a monster. I feel like an idiot. Like it's March. Were three months into the year and I've cost them thousands and thousands of dollars. I haven't even bought anything fun with it!

I'm very lucky that I parents I can help me but I really really hate that I have to keep asking for that help. I'm going to be 30 very soon and I just want to be able to handle all my bills and my business without having to bother other people. I hate it.

So I laid in bed and cried for an hour. I texted Tiffany and Chelsi that I would be a little. And at noon I left to go get lunch. I got pizza at 7-Eleven. Not part of my 90 days of no fast food but not the worst option. I got the bus and I headed up to the shopping center above the school. I walked around the Family Dollar and the Dollar Tree and the their store. Just to kind of look good stuff and be outside. It made me feel a little bit better.

And work was fine. The kids were nice. I told him I had really hurt and they all gave me hugs and very gentle with me. Which is always very sweet. You can actively see them trying to make me feel better. They would come over and give me like a little hug. It was really cute. I brought in the tiny Furby keychains that mom mailed me and they all really like and I'm and it was fun too play with them.

We had a pretty good art time. Talk about contrast. How very unhappy with me that I'm telling them they have to make either a black and white person or a colorful background or the opposite. A colorful person and I like my background. But I think they're understanding that I'm trying to challenge them. I know that it's going to be hard. I know that it's going to be annoying. But we're trying to get that artistic brain muscle going. And I think they appreciate it.

After work I went home. And got a shower and headed to CVS to get my prescription. I have an infection in my jaw and my head was just pounding. Like my temples feel like they were going to explode. And I get to CVS and they don't have my prescription. They say no one ever called. So I call the dentist and they claim they called so I put them on the phone with the pharmacist and they figured it out. But then it turns out even though I'd ask Kaiser when I was on the phone if they were accepted at CVS it turns out they're not. So I just started crying and Pharmacy. Because nothing else could go wrong. The pharmacist felt horrible that I was crying and they looked online and got me coupons. And thankfully The two prescriptions I needed we're not that expensive and I paid out of pocket and it was only like $20. I also got the stupid little refreshment face stick for my eyes to try to help with my pain. But I just wanted to go home.

I was in the CVS for way too long. Everything felt a little bit better but I still felt bad. I walk to James house to have dinner but then the burrito he made me was way too spicy. And I just cried more. Because I'm tired and everything is the worst.

But eventually me and James dissected the burrito and took out the spicy bits and I was able to eat. And now he's out buying some stuff at the corner store and trying to find me sour worms because he wants to make me feel better. And apparently he's got a third-place now trying to get these worms. He's a very good boyfriend. He just wants to take care of me. Even when I'm miserable and everything is the worst.

We're going to go to sleep probably soon. I kind of want to just put like on a movie or something. Or watch James play Skyrim. I just wanted to spend tomorrow morning make up some kind of are. Maybe selling the clothes I have in the pile of things that are torn. I just hope it's a nice day.

I hope everyone out there is having a better night than me. Send me some positive vibes.