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starlightomatic · 8 months ago

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hi, i just want to remind folks that a lot of people on here have personal connections to people who died or were kidnapped on october 7th. please keep this in mind when you want to understand why we react so much when people denying, minimize, or celebrate it.

a couple of months ago i met vivian silver's best friend. vivian silver was a long-time peace activist who was burned to a crisp so badly on october 7th that it took weeks to identify her body. my ex-boyfriend's family was friends with her as well, and they spent those weeks believing she was a hostage and hoping for her return, only to discover that she had been dead the whole time.

a couple weeks ago i met the sister of a nova festival survivor. she said that the hours when her brother was out of contact and they didn't know if he was alive or dead were both the shortest and longest hours of her life. another friend of mine lost five friends that day. yet another friend lost two friends who were on a biking trip in southern israel.

a couple who i know because they attended my childhood synagogue while in the US for two years lived in kibbutz nahal oz. they always told us how beautiful it was, and how they wanted us to visit it. now we can't; it's destroyed, with several of its residents killed. they and their two young girls miraculously survived after hiding in their safe room for ten hours before being rescued. a good friend of mine's boyfriend is from one of the kibbutzim that was destroyed, but he was not there at the time and so survived.

once, many years ago when the ex-boyfriend who i mentioned above (the one who knew vivian) were on a gap year in israel, i visited him on the kibbutz he was living on on a thursday night, and his friend gave us a ride to a bus station the next day to help us get to our shabbat destinations. the friend was headed on to visit friends at kibbutz be'eri, now destroyed, with over 10% of residents killed. i don't know if that man's friends survived.

another friend of mine, who was my coworker for several months when she was in the US last year, lived in metula in northern israel, on the border with lebanon. because of the war, she and many others are internally displaced within israel, because her home is not safe from rockets. recently, a mutual friend told me her house has been destroyed.

another friend of mine attended virtual synagogue with chaim katzman, a young man who spent time in the west bank protecting palestinian shepherds. when hamas fighters opened the closet he was hiding in to capture hostages, they shot him immediately, before taking hostage the women and children hiding in the closet with him.

in total, i have at least eight friends-of-friends who were killed on october 7th. the actual number is probably far higher, since i have a lot of friends in israel and many israelis lost people; but the eight is confirmed.

all of this to say: please understand when you're interacting with me and other jumblr bloggers that this is not theoretical to us. maybe to some of you, it's an academic excercise in seeing fanon's works in practice. maybe it's about decolonial theory and you might think "ah, well, decolonization is violent, what a shame but it was necessary." please remember it's easier to think that when you're not the one sitting at a shabbat lunch table with your mom's old friend who had to learn within the past few months that a woman she'd built movements with and was best friends with had been burned so badly she couldn't be identified for weeks.

i already know that people will believe the purpose of this post is to "generate consent for genocide" no matter what i say, but i'm going to say it anyway: nothing justifies genocide. nothing justifies the brutality that israel visits on the palestinian people. the people of gaza have gone through an order of magnitude more horror than what israelis have. the entire gaza strip is destroyed; people's homes, schools, mosques, orange orchards, everything. entire families have been killed with not a single surviving member. people have starved to death. people lack sanitation, menstrual products, and safe places to give birth. children are operated on without anesthesia. this is one of the greatest humanitarian crises of this century and it is israel's fault.

we need a ceasefire now; we needed a ceasefire yesterday; we needed a ceasefire months ago; we needed this never to begin. blowing up a child in gaza does not bring back vivian, it does not bring back chaim, it does not bring back my friend's cycling friends. it doesn't untraumatize the girl who waited hours to know if her brother was okay or the young family trapped for ten hours in their safe room. and i know for a fact that vivian and chaim would never have wanted this. not in their names, or at all.

so i am not posting this in an attempt to deny, minimize, excuse, or justify the genocide of the people of gaza, or to deny or excuse the nakba, the israeli raids in the west bank, settler violence, land theft both past and present, burning of olive trees, checkpoints and the restrictions on palestinian movement, the denial of right of return, and the fact that most palestinians do not have voting rights in the country that controls their lives.

i also understand that there are folks on here who have just as many personal connections to gaza -- or more -- than i do to israel. that it's deeply personal to them too, and they have watched as loved ones die, places they love and remember are bombed to dust, and people continue to minimize it, excuse it, or fight over semantics. i understand that this post will not land well for many of those folks, and that it will have activated people to hear me speak of nahal oz as a beautiful place i wanted to visit, because that land likely once belonged palestinian families, and was seized after its residents were herded into gaza during the nakba.

and.

people are human. humans deserve to live in safety. friends of humans who are harmed will feel pain, even if those friends lived on colonized land. i also live on colonized land, i am a settler. i live on the lands of indigenous peoples. when i looked up the nation whose land i live on, i can find information about their history but no information on where they went or whether they still exist. i don't know if they experienced a genocide and were all killed, or if they joined another people. i know i have never met any of them, and i live on their land.

and i'm not the only one. millions of people on this site are also colonizers of indigenous land. if you are not indigenous or Black, and you live in the US or Canada, you are every bit as complicit as my friends' dead friends in israel. your beautiful town is not morally better than nahal oz. you recognize yourself and your friends as people; you see their humanity.

i am beyond begging you to see the humanity of israelis, i think many of you can't. instead, this is my request:

remember, as you're doing your callouts, as you're describing me as evil and a person who needs to be blocked for the safety of your followers to i don't infect you or them with my evil:

i say and feel the things i do in large part from a traumatic event that occurred less than a year ago that i am personally connected to. please use what you know of trauma to understand that.

and then, if you can do that, maybe we can start to understand how trauma plays into why israel is the way it is; why trauma is actually the biggest player. so many of you have asked "how could a people who've been brutalized and oppressed brutalize and oppress another people?" my question: why would you expect that not to happen? trauma responses include fear, anger, aggression, compassion fatigue. when a population of descendants of refugees and genocide survivors, in a world that they believe to be out to get them, either supports or turns a blind eye to their government's atrocities, i am not surprised. saddened, but not surprised.

we then have to start asking: who enacted those traumas? when will we start to see the pain of both palestinians and israelis in light of the violence inflictated by far more powerful entities? by germany in the holocaust; russia and poland in the pogroms; swana arab countries in the persecution of jews post-WW2? who's at the top here? many of you are happy to believe it's jews pulling all the strings, but who set this in motion?

who denied jews safe haven before the holocaust, thus enabling this trauma to be inflicted in the first place? the US, and nearly all countries around the world. who restricted jewish immigration even post-holocaust, thus funneling huge numbers of jewish refugees into palestine, overwhelming the population even if israel had not been a colonial project? again, the US, and many other countries. who made double-promises and drew arbitrary lines in the region leading to decades of conflict? the UK.

who's funding this war? the US. Russia. Iran. don't be fooled that any of them care about israelis or palestinians. they have their own interests.

israelis and palestinians are the collateral damage in a horrible chess game that world powers have been playing for centuries. but they are not collateral damage, they are human beings, and their lives have value. collective liberation demands we look at the levels above the oppressor to see who is holding the strings, who put the puzzle pieces in place, who set off the levers and strings in a noxious rube goldberg machine that left nahal oz and be'eri in ruins and gaza destroyed almost beyond recognition.

my friends' little girls cowering in a safe room were never the enemy. chaim katzman hiding in a closet hoping the fighters would overlook it and leave him alive, or at very least capture him instead of kill him, was never the enemy. and they can't be; not if our goal is freedom and safety for everyone in israel/palestine. choosing who will dominate and who will be the oppressed minority in whatever comes next will not be the answer we need, and will not be liberation. just as zionism was not liberation. what can we build together, when this is all over?

what do we need to dismantle and destroy?

let's start with what we don't: homes. villages. cities. kibbutzim. orange trees. olive trees.

and who do we need to fight?

let's start with who we don't: the children.

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ellewritesalright · 3 months ago

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The Ward

Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader

Masterlist - Part 2

Synopsis: Aemond has a fascination with you, his mother's pious ward from a vassal family of House Hightower, but he has a peculiar way of showing it.

A/N: Hi!! this is set in and around the last few episodes of season 1. Reader is unnamed but comes from a noble house from the reach. I made up a Tyrell lord because I just wanted a name to throw about, but it's not that serious :) I wanna do another part of this, so lmk if you're interested and would like to be tagged

Warnings: mentions of the war, burning, Aemond being a flip-floppy bitch to reader, Aegon being a bit of a creep, and pls lmk if I've missed anything

Word Count: 3900

The halls of the Keep were quiet, despite the impending ruling of Lord of the Tides and the huddles of highborn folk who were visiting for the occasion. You walked through the grand passageways, a shawl over your shoulders for your journey outside the castle walls.

"Where are you off to this afternoon, my lady?" You heard Aemond's smooth voice from an alcove you'd just passed. You took a step back towards the sound as he made himself known, his tall frame coming out into the corridor.

"To the Sept, Prince Aemond. I'm going to pray," you answered.

He gave a slight nod and echoed, "Going to pray."

"Yes."

His eye was so focused on you, so attuned to your face that you felt he was trying to read your mind.

"You're aware that your presence is required at dinner this evening?" He inquired, folding his hands behind his back. “Rhaenyra and her brood will be in attendance.”

"Yes, your highness. I'll be back before the festivities begin," you assured him. "I only wish to say a few prayers on holy ground, several of which will be for the royal family."

Aemond's lips twitched into the smallest smirk. "You would pray for us?"

"Of course," you nodded. "I pray for everyone in this house. I always begin with King Viserys and pray for his health, then I thank the gods for Queen Alicent and her kindness in making me her ward, Ser Otto for his unending wisdom, I pray for Prince Aegon, Princess Helaena, and their children that all of them prosper, then I pray for you, my prince."

"And what do you ask for when you pray to the gods for me?" He raised a brow, complete curiosity on his pretty features.

"For the gods to protect you," you answered.

He let out a quiet laugh, one you almost mistook as a scoff. Perhaps it was a scoff.

"You think I need protection, my lady?" He smirked.

"Everyone needs protection."

"But I most of all?" He raised his brow again. "Do you think I'm not strong enough to protect myself?"

"I never said such a thing. I only said that I pray for your protection."

"Hm, well, how considerate of you, my lady," he appraised, a foreign glint in his eye. "Take a guard when you go out."

You nodded softly. "Yes, of course."

He looked at you for a moment longer, then he turned and walked away.

……….

The conversation before dinner was dull, even despite the tension among the family members. No one mentioned lord Vaemond, the dead man in the bowels of the Keep being cared for by the Silent Sisters. Though the lack of mention for his severed head was not the root of the ill mood this evening; you had only known this group to dislike each other.

You didn't fully understand why the family had splintered so, since you became Queen Alicent's ward only after Princess Rhaenyra and her family had moved to Dragonstone. You knew it happened after the funeral of Prince Daemon's second wife and had something to do with Aemond's missing eye, but you had never been given the full story from either side.

The tension in the family was only exacerbated by the king's poor health. King Viserys should have been resting, not hosting his entire family to dinner, but alas, you were all gathered at the table waiting for his guards to carry him in.

Across from you, Prince Aegon was expectedly fidgeting in his chair, prisoner to his boredom and wishing the night would end so he could sneak off and do something depraved. Beside you at the head of the table, Prince Aemond, ever the calm and dutiful brother, sat back in his seat, his lips pursed in that unknowable way he seemed fluent in, especially as he stared down the table at Lucerys.

You made polite conversation with Otto Hightower where he sat to your left. He had always liked you, seeing as he had been the coordinator of your guardianship under Queen Alicent. Ser Otto was even the one to bring you on the carriage journey from the western lands of the Reach to King's Landing when you were just fourteen. You had learned much at court since then, growing to be whispered about as a fine young lady.

"Lord Denton Tyrell sent his regards to you, my dear," Otto turned to you, ignoring the smalltalk between Rhaenyra's group.

Aegon scoffed into his wine across from you.

"Did he?" You smiled kindly, though you were not sure it reached your eyes. Lord Denton was fifteen years your senior, and quite a lumbering fool.

"Mentioned you in a letter I received from Highgarden. Seems you made quite the impression on him at the last hunt."

You reached for your wine. "I barely spoke to him during the hunt, I wasn't aware I made any sort of impression."

You felt a stare on you, and you didn't have to look to your right to know that Prince Aemond was watching you, as he often did. But another prince was watching you too.

“We know what he's interested in, don't we, my lady?” Aegon smirked at you.

“Not another word, grandson.” Otto leveled him with a look across the table.

“Marriage,” Aegon said in an innocent tone, holding his hands up. “He is sure to be interested in a union with our lovely, pious ward. A coupling, if you will.”

Otto gave him another look, and Aegon looked as though he wanted to continue his impish teasing, but just then King Viserys was being carried into the room. Everyone stood beside their chairs as he was brought to the empty spot at the middle of the table.

The family sat back down and dinner proceeded. After a moment of heavy air, King Viserys began to speak to his family, addressing them as equals and not as their king. Rhaenyra spoke, then Alicent, and it seemed any animosity had disappeared from their memories. Dinner progressed further, and you watched Rhaenyra's sons--mostly Jaecaerys–butt up against Aegon and Aemond as the three stood and seemed square for a fight. But then, finally, the three of them sat again, and a temporary peace was made. The musicians returned to playing, and Ser Otto began engaging you in casual conversation again, both of your stares straying to Jacaerys and Helaena as they danced.

You caught Aemond glaring across the long table at Lucerys, and your eyes flicked down to his hand in his lap, how it clenched into a fist. Without thinking, you lowered your hand beneath the table and reached for him. Your fingers settled over his knuckles, and he broke his glaring at Lucerys and instead looked over at you, his eye losing its hard edge. The bones of his knuckles rippled under your hand, and you felt a chill run down your spine as he flattened his fingers then folded them around yours. Aemond gave you a slight nod, then looked over to his sister and nephew dancing, his hand still in yours.

From the corner of your eye, you could vaguely see King Viserys being carried to his room again as dinner trays were being brought in. You let go of Aemond's hand as servants approached your end of the table with a suckling pig. Above the music, you could faintly make out laughter, and you looked all the way down to the other end of the table to see Lucerys smirking at Aemond and the pig.

Before you could take his hand again, before you could so much as look at him again, Aemond had slammed his fist on the table and rose to his feet.

“Final tribute,” he called, eye intent on Lucerys and Jacaerys. “To the health of my nephews Jace, Luke, and Joffrey. Each of them handsome, wise… strong.”

You went rigid in your seat as the ensuing tussle broke out. There was nothing civil about how Aemond shoved Jace to the floor as soon as he stepped closer, and how Aegon pinned Luke to the table when he tried to join Jace. Ser Otto rose beside you, and you watched as guards tore the Velaryon boys away from Aemond and Aegon.

Queen Alicent and Princess Rhaenyra seemed to admonish their respective children--though you weren't sure how effective the scoldings were considering the glares their children still sent one another–and then the Velaryons and Daemon's daughters were sent to bed. You watched as Aemond squared his shoulders, then stalked away.

“I shall also take my leave for the evening,” you said to the Hand. “Goodnight, Ser Otto.”

You kept your pace steady as you left the room, but once you were in the hall you were hurrying.

“You shouldn't have done that,” you said as you caught up to Aemond.

He didn't even look over at you. “I was complimenting them, my lady.”

“No one at that table took it for a compliment, your highness.”

“It is remarkable how when you speak, my mother's voice comes out.”

You frowned at him. “You know I'm right, you just won't admit it.”

“I know you believe yourself to be right.” He stopped in front of you, his eye narrowed to a knife's point. “Does your arrogance stretch so far as to think I should heed your wisdom?”

You buckled under his cold eye. “I only meant–”

“You meant to belittle me for my behaviour and tell me I am in the wrong for not taking the righteous path the gods would have me seek. If you didn't lack the worldly understanding of so much as a dormouse, I might be inclined to listen. But as it stands, I am not obliged to heed you."

You had no time to respond, as he turned on his heel and stalked down the royal family's wing. You stood in bitter silence, thoroughly lashed, as you watched him leave.

……….

The library was empty this morning. None of the maesters were hanging about as they often did, all busy after Aegon's crowning yesterday. Barely twenty-four hours had passed since you were informed that King Viserys was dead, yet the world felt upturned. Your warden, the now-Queen Mother Alicent, had brought you a dress to wear for the coronation, and you wore it again today, just without the ornamentations of jewelry. It was a deep green, a departure from the usual grays and blues you often wore, but you were grateful to her for it. It was difficult to not appreciate all she had done for you by bringing you to court, even if her son had scorned you.

You huffed and closed your book, setting it on the small stack you'd accumulated. You heard the far door open, but no footsteps. When you looked over your chair at the other patron of the Keep's library, you hurried to stand.

“Your highness,” you nodded at Aemond, watching him come further into the room. He seemed light on his feet today, not as angry as you had seen him as of late.

“Why the forlorn expression, my lady?”

“It is nothing, your highness.”

Your words lost their conviction the longer he stared at you, his eye seeming to peer into your soul. Aemond had stood beside you at Aegon's crowning, not looking at you the entire time. Whether that was due in part to his harsh words for you the night of the dinner, or more because his envy forbade him to look away from Aegon, you could not tell. But right now he was staring at you like you were the only thing in the room.

You let out a small breath and prepared yourself for a second round of insults today. “I was merely wondering how the Princess Rhaenyra must be feeling this morning.”

“Why?” His response was quick.

You struggled to keep your fingers still and indifferent to tension as you clasped them together in front of you. You glanced away from his hard stare.

“Why, my lady?”

You pursed your lips. “It just seems unfair, is all. It couldn't be easy for her, hearing what happened yesterday.”

“King Viserys changed his mind, my lady. Would you like to take it up with the queen mother?”

“No.” Your eyes snapped up to his face. “No, my prince, I would not dare.”

“And yet, I detect dissent."

"Not dissent, your highness," you shook your head lightly. "I have always known your mother to be the most trustworthy of figures. If she says King Viserys changed his mind, then I believe her. It's just that I feel some remorse for princess Rhaenyra; this has been her life's trajectory for some twenty-odd-years."

Aemond looked at you, his eye piercing. “My half-sister is not fit to be queen.”

“And his grace, King Aegon, is?” You said it quietly, but you knew after they had slipped out that your words could be interpreted as dangerous. “I only meant… King Viserys didn't ready his grace for the throne, not like he did with Princess Rhaenyra.”

Aemond looked at you with measurement in his brow. He leaned in slightly, looking at you with that veil in his eye, the one that hid him from any discernable emotion.

“Perhaps your thoughts are best kept to yourself, my lady. Do not speak to any other how you have spoken today.” You felt his breath on your face. “They may not be as forgiving as me.”

You nodded, closing your lips and taking a quiet inhale through your nose. He raised a brow, as though prompting you to respond, and you did, “I won't repeat myself to anyone, my prince. I'll stone the sentiment from my mind.”

He looked at you a moment longer, then pulled back. “Don't leave the Keep, my lady. Not even to visit the Sept. You must pray from inside these walls for the next few weeks.”

“Why?”

You could tell he didn't want to say at first, his shoulders tensing just a modicum. “It is for your protection, my lady. Who knows what Rhaenyra's side would do to you?”

“I have no part in this conflict among your family.”

“You do.”

“I don't, your highness,” you said more firmly. “I am a mere ward, there is no cause for any harm to befall me.”

“Rhaenyra's Council will see yesterday's events as an act of treason. Everyone who was on the dais yesterday, including you, my lady, will be treated as committing such treason.”

You closed your mouth.

“So,” he spoke with a slightly softer tone, “for the love of the Seven, stay inside.”

He once again prompted you with his brow, and you nodded, “I understand, my prince.”

……….

The evening had been strange for you.

After your library run-in with Prince Aemond that morning, you spent most of your day with Helaena, helping her care for the twins as she worriedly stitched. You had dinner in your chambers, feeling uncomfortable about being near most of the royal family right now. They were all busy, anyway; word had traveled yesterday with Rhaenys on the back of Meleys, informing Rhaenyra of Aegon's ascension, and your ward's family would undoubtedly be fortifying themselves, shoring up support for the crown in whatever way they could. An inkling whispered to you that they would surely marry you off to some lord to gain favour or loyalty, though you prayed that would not be the case. There was not a lord in the kingdom you'd met thus far whom you felt compelled to wed.

You did not prepare properly for bed that evening. All you did was take off your dress and collapse on top of your sheets, only your shift covering you as you quickly passed out. You had meant to just rest your body before you prepared a bath for yourself, but you did not rise again.

You dreamt of Aegon's coronation; all came to pass in the same way as reality, except as Ser Criston put the crown on his head, the people began to stir in outrage. Angered screams filled the dragon pit, and by the time Rhaenys and Meleys rose from the ground the crowd seemed to praise her for interrupting the ceremony.

Prince Aemond stepped in front of you again, as had happened in reality, except this time Meleys had opened her throat and fire had torched all in her path. You felt the heat of it, and as the line of fire came towards you and Aemond, your body jolted awake.

You gasped, moving to brace your hands over your face and save yourself from the flames. It was then you realized there was a warm weight on your stomach, something your hand had knocked against as you startled. Adrenaline returned to your veins and you pushed at the weight, but it pushed back, hands coming out to stop you at your wrists.

By the gods, it was a person.

You started to scream, terror taking reign as your mind raced with the possibility of who could be about to harm you. Was it an assassin sent by Rhaenyra to kill you in your bed, or a thief who had somehow crept into the Keep to defile you?

A hand quickly covered your mouth, and your jaw trembled so that you bit down, but there wasn't enough force to truly harm your assailant.

“Shh,” a voice came through to you in a quiet tone. “It is only me, my lady.”

Familiarity struck you, and you noticed the outline of long hair and the strap for a patch running over it. Your eyes caught on a lit carrying candle across the room, sitting on the dresser near your door, and you saw the way its light bounced softly off of white-blond hair. Your body stopped struggling.

“Aemond?” You murmured into his hand.

“Tis I.”

He removed his hand and you let out a breath with the realization it was just Aemond. But you weren't able to settle completely, especially not as he snaked down your body again, returning the weight of his head to your stomach.

“My prince, this is entirely inappropriate,” you muttered, your muscles freezing as he clung to you.

"I would never defile you, my lady," he whispered into your thin shift, his voice strained. "I only sought you for your familiarity."

Despite his arrogant behaviour towards you as of late, the weakness in his voice appealed to you, and you hesitantly set your hand on his head, your fingers lightly stroking along his scalp. You noticed then that his hair was damp. It was not raining outside the Keep, and Aemond looked too disheveled to have just cleaned in a bath. He must have been on dragonback this evening. Thinking this, you could smell traces of Vhagar on him. A sigh escaped you as you looked down at him.

"What is wrong, Aemond?" You asked lightly.

He would not say for a moment, then he pushed his face somehow closer to you, as though he wanted to burrow himself inside your body. “I have sinned.”

“What have you done?”

He shook his head slightly. “It is grave. Too grave for your ears.”

“Speak it.”

He shook his head again.

You sat up, trying to move out from under him as you huffed quietly. Aemond would not let you move more than this, his hands on your thighs and head having slipped down to your lap as you sat forward. You let out a soft scoff.

“Speak it, my prince, or I must ask you to leave.”

His fingers gripped your thighs, and you were reminded of how near he was to your skin despite your shift, his breath warm along the apex of your thighs. He loosened his hold again, and took in a deep breath.

“I was in Storm's End. Lucerys was there as well, and we quarreled in the sky. Vhagar… she… his dragon was so small in her jaw.”

You felt your heart drop in your chest.

“Aemond, tell me you didn't,” you whispered.

“I cannot lie to you.”

The resignation in his voice did you in, and you ran your palm along your face to stave your anxieties. You felt his nose pressing to your lower stomach but you weren't in a state to push him away, not when he'd all but admitted to slaying his nephew. You set your hand on his head, not stroking his hair but simply putting some weight on him in hopes it may provide comfort. When you next spoke, your throat was dry and you had to swallow your fear in order to make a sound.

"All you can do now is go to the Sept and pray to the gods for forgiveness."

His head shook on your lap. "There is no penance or prayer for what I have done."

You huffed, running your fingers through his hair. Aemond shifted, his hand on your thigh flexing as he tilted his head to the side to look up at you.

"Forgive me," he said. "Absolve me of my sins so that I may continue my life and end this conflict for my family."

"I'm not the one you need absolution from," you shook your head.

"It wasn't a request, my lady."

His lips were pursed and his eye was trained on you, assessing your face with scrutiny. You felt his hand on your thigh gripping just slightly too tight.

"Aemond, I…" you started, feeling your throat dry again. "Your highness, I am not comfortable with you here any more."

"It is not my wish to impose." He spoke as though he didn't see anything wrong with his actions. He made no move to get up.

"It is late, your highness. You must go."

He reached up, palming your cheek with a gentle but assertive touch. "You're warm."

"Prince Aemond, please," you muttered as you tried to shift him off of you. "You mustn't be here any longer."

"Just say it. And I know I will have the strength I need to end the rest of them."

"The rest of who?"

He shook his head yet again, pressing his face into your stomach once more. "I need you to say it. Tell me you forgive me."

"Aemond, you must leave."

As you moved to lean back against your headboard, trying to shake his weight, he sat up and braced his hands on either side of your lap. His slender, callused fingers dug into your bed sheets with a tense ruffle. His face was so close to yours, his breath warm on your cheeks. The look in his eye was impassioned, wide, and with a blown out pupil. His shoulders rose and fell with a heavy motion. Warm air puffed in and out on your face. You couldn't escape the feeling of his breath, or him for that matter.

The next breath you drew bordered on a gasp, however hard you tried to contain it. His eye dropped down to your lips, and you saw his mouth twitch before he could steel his expression and slip back into that impassive Aemond you knew best. You felt another breath on your skin, warm from his parted lips.

He pulled back, his eye losing that feral quality as he steadied himself before standing.

"I am sorry," he murmured, "for disturbing your evening."

His head dipped almost indistinguishably in a soft nod, then he left without a word.

You were still on your bed, crowded against the headboard despite being alone now. You blinked, looking at the candle on your dresser. It was the only evidence that Aemond had been in your room. You watched as the wax dripped in the dish, the wick burning nearly to the bottom. It was hard to say how long you watched the flame burn, but by the time the wick ran out, you had tucked your knees up to your chest, holding yourself as securely as you had Aemond.

……….

A/N: Thanks for reading! Feel free to like, reblog, and comment--I really appreciate the feedback! I'm gonna do more parts of this dynamic so please lmk if you wanna be tagged in them. Also if you want to request a fic for hotd, I will write for Aegon, Aemond, and Jacaerys, so please feel free to send in an ask. Otherwise, I hope you have a great day/night :)

#aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x fem!reader #aemond targaryen x you #aemond targaryen fic #hotd fic

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campgender · 1 month ago

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from In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado (2019)

In Dorothy Allison’s short story “Violence Against Women Begins at Home,” a group of lesbian friends gathers for a drink and they discuss a bit of community gossip: a pair of women recently broke into another woman’s house and trashed it, smashing glass and dishes and destroying her art, which they deemed pornographic. They spray-painted the story’s eponymous phrase on her wall. The friends debate police involvement and intragroup conflict mediation; but toward the end of the story, as they are parting ways, the problem crystallizes into a single, telling exchange:

“Look, do you think maybe we could hold a rent party for Jackie, get her some money to fix her place back up?”

Paula looks impatient and starts gathering up her stuff. “Oh, I don’t think we should do that. Not while they’re still in arbitration. And anyway, we have so many important things we have to raise money for this spring—community things.”

“Jackie’s a part of the community,” I hear myself say.

“Well, of course.” Paula stands up. “We all are.” The look she gives me makes me wonder if she really believes that, but she’s gone before I can say anything else.

Queer folks fail each other too. This seems like an obvious thing to say; it is not, for example, a surprise to nonwhite queers or trans queers that intracommunity loyalty goes only so far, especially when it must confront the hegemony of the state. But even within ostensibly parallel power dynamics, the desire to save face, to present a narrative of uniform morality, can defeat every other interest.

The queer community has long used the rhetoric of gender roles as a way of absolving queer women from responsibility for domestic abuse. Which is not to say that activists and academics didn’t try. When the conversation about queer domestic abuse took hold in the early 1980s, activists gave out fact sheets at conferences and festivals to dispel myths about queer abuse. [see footnote 45] Scholars distributed questionnaires to get a sense of the scope of the problem. [see footnote 46] Fierce debates were waged in the pages of queer periodicals.

But some lesbians tried to restrict the definition of abuse to men’s actions. Butches might abuse their femmes, but only because of their adopted masculinity. Abusers were using “male privilege.” (To borrow lesbian critic Andrea Long Chu’s phrase, they were guilty of “[smuggling patriarchy] into lesbian utopia.”) Some argued that consensual S&M was part of the problem. Women who were women did not abuse their girlfriends; proper lesbians would never do such a thing. [see footnote 47] There was also the narrative that it was, simply, complicated. The burden of the pressure of straight society! Lesbians abuse each other!

Many people argued that the issue needed to be handled within their own communities. Ink was spilled in the service of decentering victims, and abusers often operated with impunity. In an early lesbian domestic abuse trial, a lawyer noted the odd and unsettling detail that most of the time the jury spent behind closed doors was—contrary to what she’d been worried about—the straight jurors attempting to convince the jury’s sole lesbian member of the defendant’s guilt. When she was later questioned, the lesbian juror told the lawyer that she hadn’t “wanted to convict a [queer] sister,” as though the abused girlfriend was not herself a fellow queer woman.

Around and around they went, circling essential truths that no one wanted to look at directly, as if they were the sun: Women could abuse other women. Women have abused other women. And queers needed to take this issue seriously, because no one else would.

footnote 45: Among the myths tackled by the Santa Cruz Women’s Self Defense Teaching Cooperative: “Myth: It’s only emotional/psychological, so that doesn’t count.” “Myth: I can handle it—unlike her last three lovers.” “Myth: Staying together and working it out is most important.” “Myth: We’re in therapy, so it’ll get fixed now.”

footnote 46: Actual questionnaire language by researcher Alice J. McKinzie: “Is your abuser present at this festival? If your abuser is at this festival, is she present while you are filling this out? If your abuser is not present while you are filling this out, is she aware that you are filling out this questionnaire? If you answered NO to the question above … do you plan to tell her later?”

footnote 47: This No True Scotsman fallacy could bend these narratives in every direction conceivable; create a kind of moving goalpost that permitted an endless warping of accountability. In a firsthand account of her abuse in Gay Community News in 1988, a survivor wrote: “I had been around lesbians since I was a teenager, and although some of them had troubled relationships, I was unaware of any battering. I attached myself to the comforting myth that lesbians don’t batter. Much later, when I was ‘out’ enough to go to gay bars in a town that was liberal enough to tolerate them, I saw that some lesbians did indeed batter. However, I thought they were all of a type—drunks, sexist butches or apolitical lesbians—so I decided that feminist lesbians don’t batter.” Activist Ann Russo put it more succinctly in her book Taking Back Our Lives: “I had found it hard to name abuse in lesbian relationships as a political issue with structural roots.”

#carmen maria machado #in the dream house #quotes #dorothy allison #intimate partner violence #domestic violence #domestic abuse #queer abuse #abusive relationship #image described #mac’s bookshelf

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readychilledwine · 1 month ago

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Till Death Do Us Part

SJM Villains Week - Day One - Origin Story

"Are people born wicked, or do they have wickedness cast upon them?" -Wicked the Musical

Summary - Beron had known love once in his life, and even that was ripped from him

Warnings- This fic has some heavy topics. A whole species of fae is hunted for their wings until extinction. While it is not done in great detail, if that will potentially trigger you, please consider skipping this.

Other warnings- reader Death, spousal abuse, domestic, and child abuse inferred, loss of a spouse, death of a mate, in summary, just not my normal happy love story. Edited and formated on my cellphone, long story, if you see errors, you definitely didn't 👀

A/n - Happy @sjmvillainweek day one. I was sent a request about Beron losing the love of his life being his villain Origin story. I bounced between doing this as a mini series or as a one shot, but landed on the one shot due to mini series that end with reader Death not being a personal favorite of mine, plus, writing reader's death after writing 3 parts of her and Beron falling in love was rough. If you all want it, though, let me know I guess? Today is very out of my box, as you all will see with my Maeve fic queued for later, so to those of you who frequently write reader/oc deaths, I truly admire you. This was hard.

🪽Peep the Wings of Prythian headcanons Here 🪽

🗡Villains Week Masterlist🗡Master Masterlist🗡

The stake set in the middle of the grounds was the seal on the impact of Beron's actions. 100 years, 100 happy years of keeping her safe, and now he was locked in his own room, trapped as her execution was set up.

He should have known better, should have hid her better. Her kind was already rare and in the last 100 years, she was finally the last one. One last trophy to hunt and he had led his father right to her.

Lifeless wings hung high on his wall, still fresh with the scent of her blood. The luster they carried was fading, the vibrant burnt orange now a muted tone of its former glory.

Beron put his head in his hands, the faebane chains around his wrists clanging with laughter as he did. He forced his mind back to a happier time.

Fire Festival had you running around the small market near where the Leaf Folk lived. Mother needed flour. Father needed wine. Your sisters wanted candy. The first of October was special to you all. To your whole race. It was the start of a 31 day process where the females of your race were courted, married, and the hopes of young offspring came. .

Fire Festival was for lovers. It was for passion. It would be your first year to partake, and while you knew it took some females 3 attempts to meet their match, your wings couldn't help but flutter in hope you would meet yours this year.

As you day dreamed, supplies in a basket, you were blind to the male watching you. An outsider that had vendors closing their doors and windows with customer's inside, mamas rushing their children into their homes.

A voice cleared behind you, pulling you from your daze, “My lady.” It was instant, that snap of the mating bond tugging and tying you two together into a cursed string. ..

The dark-haired male put his hand to his heart, blindly stepping closer to you. Dark hair sat on top of his head, styled and brushed into perfection despite the evidence he had arrived on horseback. His slender face was handsome. Sharper cheekbones, full lips, a nose reminding you of a hawk beak. His clothing was high end, hugging his body as if he was poured into the material. “Beron,” he spoke to you, ripping you from your study of his figure.

“Y/n,” you whispered back, wings moving slightly to be out of sight.

“I have no interest in those,” he motioned towards them. “Only in the rumors of elder flowers in this area.”

You blinked at him, the olive branch you were about to offer him was dangerous, “I can show you if you vow to never speak of this place.”

Beron fought against his father as he was pulled to the temple. He knew the female he was being forced to marry was nice enough, beautiful, wealthy. He was forced to stand at the altar, a knife held to his little sister's back as he did. Aurelia entered either her normal grace, her own face solemn as the fae stood and she was escorted to him by her own proud father.

Her dress reminded him of a princess from tales of old. Far too large, puffy, and in a shade of white that did not compliment her porcelain skin and hair like fire.

They were both silent as they took their vows and the count down to your execution began. 2 hours. 2 hours he'd be forced to spend drinking and all that did was encourage more memories of you.

The pull of the bond became too much the following October, and the letters written on oak leaves could no longer be enough for either of you.

You were taking a huge risk, using the first feast and bonfires to sneak to his hunting cabin just a few miles away from the hidden edge village you'd spent your life in.

Beron was waiting on the porch, eyes coming alive as he heard the sound of your leaf-like wings crinkling as you flew over to him. ..

He caught you quickly, arms going around your waist, pulling your head to his chest. .

The first hug of many.

The first night filled with laughter and stolen kisses that'd come with the next 99 years.

He carried your one bag, frowning at your lack of possessions.

"Is this all you have, my love?”

”All I need,” Your tone was confused. “Did you expect more?”

He had. He had expected more than just the 7 dresses he pulled out. More than the one necklace he had given you. More than one more pair of leather shoes.

Beron glanced at you, chocolate eyes slightly sad, “I'm going to give you the world.”

Beron and Aurelia watched in silence as people drank and danced. “You said you were running,” he whispered under his breath to her. “You said you were leaving to prevent this.”

Aurelia looked at him, her whiskey colored eyes narrowing, “Do you think I didn't try to get him to come grab me? Do you think I sat and did nothing despite our deal?”

He rolled his own eyes, “Careful with your tone, wife,” the word felt like ash.

“Am I your wife? Or is she locked in the fox holes waiting to be the final show for our wedding? Who else has their marriage start with the burning of their husband's who-”

The slap that came before she could finish that sentence made the room fall into silence. Another beginning. Another drastic change. Beron knew Aurelia had sold out the location he kept you in. Her father had been the one to drag you in, bleeding and crying, dress torn.

Beron's father motioned for the night to continue like nothing had happened, as if he was beaming with pride at his son striking his wife.

“Just because he didn't want you after you willingly handed him your cunt, doesn't mean I didn't want y/n. I hope you enjoy both of us being as miserable as you clearly are.”

She sat wordlessly next to him, holding her cheek. She'd been warning of the heavy hands the Vanserra males carried, but Beron had never been aggressive. He'd always been kind to her. But she knew she was you and clearly Aurelia had gotten herself into dangerous territory.

Beron watched the clock as it ticked an hour. An hour to day dreamed about you.

The wedding of the Leaf Folk were not performed in a temple, an odd thing for Beron as he stood under the oldest apple tree in the groove. Its twisted trunk and tangled branches were almost menacing as you followed his eye.

You took his hands, whispering in the old tongue and making the tree light up with runes and stories of lovers wed under its branches. You were the last of your kind. The village somehow found and pillaged in one night. The groove of apples around you both was struggling, dying off slowly as its caretakers became a lost memory. “What do we do now?”

"We close our eyes and feel. We will know if the land blesses our union,” you smiled as you answered, closing your eyes. Fireflies began to fill the area, a slight breeze carrying the sounds of gentle music. You both opened your eyes to the deer to the fireflies.

“What the hell,” he paused. “What is this?”

"Approval from the Mother. She has blessed and signed off on our union,” Your hand went to the new rune in the tree, eyes watering as you followed the curves and slopes. “We're married.”

Beron was forced to stand, shackled again as guards made him and Aurelia walk to where he'd be forced to watch you burn. His family and Aurelia's father too spots near them, the other High fae in attendance whispering as they also took places. Public execution in Autumn was a favorite pastime for the rich high fae. They loved watching the poor, the criminals, the low fae burn or be gifts to the trees, consumed root by root.

His father had known that wasn't an option with you. Had he given you to the trees, the trees would free you. No true crime was committed, and on top of that, your kind was so closely linked to the trees, your life forces depending on each other.

Beron had tried to warn his father what killing you would do, how his family would lose control of the trees and the forest, how that was a magic given to his family by the Leaf Folks elders hundreds of years ago. A promise not to hunt them, yet every Nobel here had a pair of those wings on their walls. Fresh ones.

Beron pulled against his chains as he heard you fighting and screaming in the tongue of your people. He watched as you spit on the male dragging you, watched as you spit on his father.

You had, in many ways, made Beron's life easier. You had killed two of his brothers during your capture, making him the clear heir. You had stabbed his father with something rumors from the healers say wasn't closing, festering in his skin and muscles like an infection. The look of pride as you looked down from your nose towards his father made Beron smirk. You'd die a warrior. Die with not an ounce of fear but instead a river of rage.

His wife. His powerful fearless wife.

That sneer didn't change as you were tied to the stake. It didn't change as your so-called charges were read. It didn't change as you waited to be given the ability to speak one last time.

“The last of your kind, yet you won't beg for your life?”

“No,” you answered his father plainly.

The High Lord seemed surprised as he spoke again, “So you will curse my son to a life of madness?”

“I've cursed your son and court to so much more than that already,” you glared

It was then that Beron noticed the runes carved into your body in captivity. He held his breath as he read each one. As he read the fate your death would seal for this court and for him.

You had been lied to, told he gave away your location, that he handed you away willingly in exchange for the bride sitting next to him. All lies he would never be able to change.

It looked as if you were praying, but Beron knew the signs of Leaf Folk magic now. He knew what was happening as the wind picked up and lightning struck as your pyre was lit.

Beron shot out of bed, shaking his head as the nightmare replaying her death was fresh in his mind. He still blamed himself, still blamed Aurelia. 700 years later and he wasn't over her.

But how could he have been? Her curse was a plague on Autumn. A deep rot that settled into the remaining signs of her village first. Then that grove he had married her in. Then the surrounding forest and villages. It was choking off life in his court. Illness, famine, and death followed in its path.

Her curse had not just taken the forest, though, it had taken him. The lifeless mating bond was doubled by what she had down. Beron lost all sense of emotion and Humanity once she was gone. He lost himself. That much was clear by the scars littering his wife and children. By what he had done to Lucien.

He had no one to blame but himself.

He knew she was forbidden. A female considered low fae with wings like the rustling leaves of this very court, but Beron couldn't stop himself. He couldn't resist the feel of her soft skin, her scent of spun sugar and apples, her soft hair. Her eyes were his favorite thing, so light and bright. Full of life.

As he held his chest in bed, his sleeping wife was next to him. It was those eyes that haunted him. Those last words whispered before an execution.

“A plague on your houses, a plague on your court, until a son brave enough to kill for what's right comes forth.”

General Taglist:

@hnyclover @glitterypirateduck @slytherinindisguise @mischiefmanagers @bloodicka @starsinyourseyes @the-sweet-psycho @mariahoedt @rinalouu @sarawritestories @starryhiraeth @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @loneliestluvr @eternallyelvish @azrielsmate3 @daughterofthemoons-stuff @meritxellao @aria-chikage @hungryforbatboys @lilah-asteria @fandomrejects @sleepybesson @tayswhp @itsswritten @milswrites @littlest-w01f

#elizabeths.updates #send asks #acotar #acotar x reader #beron vanserra x reader #beron vanserra #beron x reader #beron x you #beron x y/n #beron vanserra x you #beron vanserra x y/n #sjmvillainweek #sjmvillainweek day 1 #prompt - origin stories #beron vandaddy #high lord of autumn

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theseareafewofmyfavoritethingzz · 10 months ago

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Fantasy High: Junior Year episode 2 Thoughts

Hallariel and Gilear leaving reminded me that they'll both live to about 1,900 years old while fabian will only live to max 190 and now I have Big Feelings

Riz is my darling angel boy that can do no wrong I love him so much and sklonda gukgak best mom 100% I think Riz' storyline is really gonna kill me this season because I relate to him so hard and it's such a realistic struggle

Gorgug's parents being so supportive is so sweet but I can't help but thinking there's bad things to come with this folk festival

Fig and Kristin are great representation for the good at everything but school crowd

I think Ally nailed it when they said Kristin this season is going to have to deal with what it's like when being chaotic isn't cute anymore because there isn't a lot of direction in what Kristin's doing right now and it reminds me a lot of how I felt junior year

Fig and Ayda's epic fucking romance!!!

I see jobs in the bad kids' future!

Aelwyn putting the ward on adine's room to be like "no one fucks with my sister but me" is so funny and also so sweet

Fig really pulled a " Mom I frew up" on Sandra lynn lol

Is Cassandra dying because she doesn't have enough belief?

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #brennan lee mulligan #ally beardsley #lou wilson #brian murphy #emily axford #zac oyama #siobhan thompson

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fandom-imagines-stories · 11 months ago

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Over Mountains Cold

Kili Durin x Reader

Words: 4931

Summary: On a quest for your family, you and your traveling companion get caught in a winter storm in the Grey Mountains. Your true feelings for your best friend come to light when you struggle to make it through the chilling night.

Notes: The heater in my room is broken and the image of cuddling with Kili to get warm is just really nice to me, okay? I will use Aidan Turner to dissociate before I contact ever maintenance. (also, why can’t I just write fluff? Why does there have to be the angsty backstory of losing siblings? The world may never know)

Warnings: Kind of a chaotic plot. An ungodly amount of sexual tension. I don’t make the rules.

Fili gave a final wave as he disappeared over the ridge, taking the ponies with him. His brother tried to calm the pit in his stomach. Not only was Fili off to retrieve more supplies alone, but the cold was setting in. If he didn’t make it to the next village by the time the snow started, he would get stuck out here.

Just like you were.

“We should go,” You sighed. “We’ll want to set up camp before it gets dark and I want to search the foothills to the east before the sun goes down.”

Kili looked up at the sky. “It’s going to be a cold night.” Already, his breath came out in puffs from his lips. “Maybe we should stay here until morning. It’s lower, so it’ll be warmer and the snow hasn’t reached us yet.”

You stiffened and turned determined eyes towards him. “I won’t waste any time. If there’s a chance of finding my sisters out here, I’m taking it.”

You waited for him to argue or tell you how foolish you were. Winter was on the horizon and these mountains would be impassable in the coming weeks. But your friend merely gave you a small smile and put a hand on your shoulder.

“Then lead the way.”

You wanted to kiss him. Well, you often wanted to kiss him, but in that moment, with his eyes full of trust and belief in you, no words could express your gratitude. But, coward that you were, you settled for a pat on the arm and an awkward nod.

“Right. Follow me.” You hurried away from him before you could do something stupid.

You’d known the dwarven princes for most of your life. Having grown up near the Blue Mountains, you spent a lot of time with Durin’s folk, listening to their stories, celebrating their festivals, and causing a little chaos with your two closest friends. You couldn’t count the times Kili and Fili had gotten you into some kind of trouble, but surely they would say the same thing about you.

The younger prince walked beside you, telling you legends of ridiculous creatures living in these hills, trying to make you smile. It worked, of course. Between his grin and a bit of theatricality, he never failed to lighten your moods.

Kili was your best friend. He was there for every prank, every adventure, and every heartbreak. When your village was attacked by raiders three years ago, he spent weeks tending to your injuries and trying to hunt down the people who’d hurt you.

That’s when they were taken. Your two older sisters, Maryina and Baeriel. Sometime during the battle, those foul men came to your home and stole them away. You were nearly killed trying to defend them. Everyone told you they were dead. Even your parents didn’t have the heart to keep looking after so long, but you wouldn’t give up. You knew they were alive. Kili was the only one who believed you.

“Do you remember what you told me?” You asked suddenly.

Kili turned his head, hazel-brown eyes bright in the afternoon sun. His brows furrowed with curiosity.

You elaborated. “When I said I was going to find them. I said I’d search the whole of Middle Earth if I had to. What did you say?”

Kili beamed. “I said ‘Well, you’re not doing it without me,’” he remembered. “‘You’d get lost.’”

“Exactly,” you laughed. “And, I do believe that you lead us down more a stray path than I, dear friend.”

“But we always found our way in the end, didn’t we?” Kili grinned.

“That we did.”

The two of you fell back into a comfortable silence with something heavier hanging between you.

Grass swayed with dying breaths, green turned to dry white. Ahead, towering peaks capped with snow loomed like a massive, foreboding gate. You watched them with growing unrest. Kili’s shoulder brushed against yours as you walked as if just to remind you he was there.

The afternoon stretched and yawned. The sun began to hover. With every passing hour, the more the light sank, so did your hopes. Your search in the foothills yielded nothing. Not even the remnants of a possible settlement.

“They aren’t here,” you said. You ran a hand down your tired face, eyes scanning the vast landscape, the mountains at your back. You turned to Kili. “What if…”

You’d come here on a rumor that the raiders who took your sisters had a base in the Grey Mountains. But that’s all you had to go off of- rumors.

“It’s the first day.” He gave you a reassuring smile. “We’ll keep looking.” Kili scanned the dense woods at the base of the mountains, hoping for some signal of smoke or any other sign of life. There was nothing. But he wasn’t going to give up hope and he certainly wasn’t going to let you. “Come, let’s set up somewhere to sleep. You must be exhausted.”

“I’m fine,” you grumbled. “But if you’re saying you need to rest, then I suppose we can pitch the tent.”

He rolled his eyes playfully.

“Last one to the trees gathers firewood,” he challenged. The mischievous dwarf took off before you had the chance to process what he said.

“Hey!” You called after him and ran as fast as your legs could carry.

Usually, the three of you always camped out under the stars, but knowing how cold it would be, you brought a tent to provide a little shelter. But laying there, so close to him, the fabric barrier between you and the night sky seemed suffocating.

It wasn’t the closest you’d ever been, of course. There had even been some nights where you found yourself asleep on his shoulder after a long day or he would doze off with his head in your lap. There was just something about this- something about the two of you enclosed together, alone- that felt different.

You laid completely still, screwing your eyes shut, but your mind refused to rest. The form beside you shifted back and forth, twisting and turning. Kili grunted in frustration and turned onto his back.

“Y/N?” He whispered. “Are you awake?”

“Unfortunately.”

He blew out a breath. “We should sleep. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow. We’ll have to find some food in case Fili gets holed up somewhere.”

You hummed and nodded.

Both of you stared up at the slanted ceiling of the tent, not moving and not speaking. The tension alone chilled you to the bone, making you shudder.

“Are you cold?” Kili asked.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure, because I have an extra fur-”

“Kili, go to sleep.” You huffed, shifting to your side away from him so he couldn’t see the painful want in your eyes.

Kili was more than just your best friend to you. He was your first love, the only person you’d ever loved, really. You’d had suitors in the past ask for your hand, but you declined them all. Your heart was no longer yours to give away. But you could never bring yourself to tell him. He was a prince, after all, and what were you? A nobody.

You blinked away tears and curled up as close to the tent’s wall as possible.

So close together and yet you couldn't feel more distant.

The next day yielded even less results. The further you got into the mountains, the less hope you had that you were going in the right direction. The Eastern Pass took you higher in elevation and further away from Fili with the supplies.

“Wait.” Kili stopped suddenly, putting a hand out in front of you. “Listen.”

You halted, the frostbitten ground shifting beneath your boots. At first, the slight breeze was all you could detect, but as the forest stilled, the subtle yet clear sound of hooves carried on the wind.

And they were getting closer.

“Get down.” You grabbed the collar of his coat and pulled. The two of you tumbled into a bush, losing your balance in your haste. Kili hit the ground. You fell onto his chest, knocking the breath out of both of you.

Kili grimaced.

“Sorry,” you whispered. Your faces turned a similar shade of pink, both trying to hide it from the other.

The familiar thudding against the forest floor increased in speed and volume. From your position, you could just see through the foliage that kept you hidden. Kili craned his neck, blindly trying to get a glance.

“Can you see them?” He asked.

“Shh.”

You kept your head low as you stared out. Watching. Waiting. As the horses neared, you decided there couldn’t be more than three.

“We could take them,” you whispered, looking down. But the sight of Kili lying beneath you, hazel-brown eyes staring up into yours with his hair a mess below him was too much. It sent a burning, twisting feeling through your stomach. You looked back up at the road. “There aren’t many. We could fight and force them to tell us where they took my sisters.”

“Are you mad?” Kili hissed, shifting underneath you. His hips rocked up into yours by accident. He sucked in a breath. “It could be innocent travelers going through the mountains. Or worse, there could be a dozen fighters and we’d be dead in seconds.”

“Since when are you the cautious one?” You scoffed, ignoring his movements and prepping yourself to pounce.

Kili locked his arms around your middle and rolled. He had you on your back before you could stop him, pinning you to the forest floor with his hands on either side of your head.

“Since I’m trying to keep you from getting yourself killed,” he growled.

Relieved that your hips were no longer pressed against his, Kili had put himself in another predicament hovering over your body, his lips mere inches from yours.

It shamed him to think of how many times he’d imagined you like this.

He waited until the riders were past, counting three, just as you said, but they seemed only to be a father and his two children, both under the age of 16. Kili doubted that these were the raiders who had destroyed your home. One of them mentioned something about getting over the pass before the storm, which made him uneasy.

Despite the heat of your bodies, the air was indeed growing colder. Clouds were gathering and a crisp, cool scent hung in the air.

Kili stood and held out a hand to help you up.

You didn’t take it.

“We need to keep moving.”

He swallowed. “We should head back to lower grounds. If we get caught in the pass, who knows how we’ll get out.”

You didn’t look at him. Instead, you continued up the path. “I wasn’t asking.”

Kili walked behind you, neither saying a word. He saw the tension in your back shifting like you were already in battle. He only wished he could relieve at least some of the weight that bore down on your shoulders. Witnessing you in such pain hurt him more than he knew how to express. That, unfortunately, wasn’t the only thing he struggled to put into words.

It had taken Kili long enough to finally admit his feelings for you to himself, but it was taking even longer for him to admit them to you. Fear wasn’t something that usually stopped him- he’d faced trolls and orc packs a dozen times over- but the idea of jeopardizing his friendship with you frightened him to no end.

Still, lying there, pressed against you, had drummed all of those feelings up to the front of his mind. They distracted him from the real issue at hand and he tried to remind himself that you need him focused. You needed a warrior, not a love-sick errand boy.

“If we keep at this pace, we can make it through the pass by morning,” you said grimly.

Kili exhaled, his voice deep with concern. “Y/N, you need to rest.”

“I need to find my sisters.”

You kept walking.

Kili kept his arguments to himself. Starting a fight now would only make you angrier and he didn’t want to risk you going off alone.

He let out a low sigh. Being the responsible one was exhausting.

Kili watched the sun with a concerned eye and discomfort growing in his stomach. His breath appeared in a cloud from his lips. But worse, flecks of white sent panic up his spine. The snow speckled the branches of the pines around them and added to the already thick blanket of frost that coated the ground. The further up, the deeper the snow banks.

“These flurries won’t be flurries for long,” he warned.

“We’ll make it.”

You refused to turn back to look at him. If you did, you knew that one look at his face would make you forget your persistence. You would turn around and head back down the mountain and have to start all over again in the morning. So you kept your eyes ahead, despite the growing shiver down your spine.

Besides, it was only a little snow. You and the brothers had faced worse on numerous occasions.

Kili quickened his pace to take his place beside you again.

“This way,” he said. “I’ve heard a shortcut through this pass.”

You raised a brow. “You’ve heard of one?”

“We’re here based on a rumor, aren’t we?” He retorted.

You shrugged as if to say ‘fair enough.’

Kili took the lead as the air thickened with white flakes. The shortcut, while it existed as far as he knew, was not the true purpose of his change in direction. He’d read journals telling tales of adventures through these mountains and he remembered a checkpoint for many. A cave where they could take shelter from winter storms. He only hoped it was real.

You began to regret your stubbornness as the cold seeped through your coat, the snow falling thicker and thicker, decreasing your visibility until you could see but a mere few feet in front of you.

In a blink, the blizzard set in.

You trudged on. Eyes blinded by white, you walk straight into the mass in front of you. Your companion’s warmth drew you in and you couldn’t help but press yourself against his back. His arm wrapped around, searching for yours.

“Take my hand!” Kili called back to you.

You did so without hesitation, wincing at the chilled state of his skin.

“We’re nearly there!” He shouted over the wind.

“That’s impossible! We haven’t even made it through the pass!”

“You’ll see.”

Trust was the only thing you had left, your senses overtaken by the storm. And then suddenly, it stopped. Kili pulled you forward and the choking white curtained the opening of the cave behind you. Wind howled, but no longer deafened.

“You knew this was here?” You gasped through chattering teeth.

Kili gulped. “I hoped.”

“You hoped?”

“You kept going!” He held out his hands, fingers stretched and shaking with his words. “I didn’t know what else to do!”

“Nevermind. It doesn’t matter.” You ran a hand down your face, wincing at the freezing surface of your own skin, as well as the exhaustion overtaking your features. You paced back toward the blinding white outside. “We’ll stay here until the storm blows over and then we’ll keep going.”

Standing at the opening of the cave, the wind still chilled you to the bone. Still, you watched, as if your sisters would magically appear and welcome you into their warm arms.

As the image passed through your mind, you were gently pulled away from the wind by a hand as cold as yours, and yet it sparked the warmth that you needed. Kili placed a hand on your cheek, turning your face to his.

“You’re exhausted,” he said. “We cannot afford to be careless. Not out here. We’ll go out again in the morning. You need to rest.” Before you could argue, he added, “We both do.”

With the fog of determination outweighed by fatigue and frost, you sighed in defeat, hanging your head.

“Alright,” you conceded.

Kili put a finger under your chin and lifted your eyes. He gave you a small smile to which you couldn’t help but reciprocate.

“Come on. We should set up the tent. It might not be much, but it can’t hurt.”

Your chattering teeth gave no argument. There was no wood for a fire, the smoke would fill the small space anyway, so the thin cloth was your only added defense against the cold.

Once inside, you both felt the same pull towards each other, your bodies craving the heat of another. But you stayed on the far side, as far as you could get, mind clouded by icy, frozen fear. Kili didn’t say anything, trying to ignore the ache in his chest as he tried to sleep.

Your eyes couldn’t have been shut for more than a moment when you heard them.

“Y/N!”

“Y/N! Where are you?”

You blinked to clear the tiredness from your eyes and listened.

“It can’t be,” you whispered.

“Y/N! Y/N!”

Maryina and Baeriel.

You listened again.

“We’re here! Help us!”

Your sisters. They were out there. They were trapped in the storm. They needed you.

You sat up, tossing aside the coat you’d been using for a blanket and ignored the bitter air seeping through your tunic. You didn’t feel it. You didn’t see your companion sleeping across from you. You didn’t hear the wind as you stepped out of the tent. You only heard your sisters’ cries…

And stepped out into the blizzard.

Kili twisted and turned. As hard as he tried, sleep never stayed. He dozed off only to drift back, trying not to shiver.

“I can’t sleep again,” he sighed. Kili flipped onto his other side. Rubbing his tired eyes, he opened them. The bundle of furs beside him took an odd shape.

Empty.

“Y/N?”

He sat up and reached across the tent, feeling nothing but frigid air. Kili lifted his head, panic banishing any exhaustion left in his limbs.

The untied opening of the tent flapped in the wind.

“Y/N!” He called out.

The storm screamed in response.

He scrambled out of his bedroll and sprinted into the night. Fat, white flakes stuck to his face and eyelashes no matter how much he blinked them away.

“Y/N!” He shouted again.

Kili walked, trying to keep the cave in sight. The blizzard raged around him, concealing even the silhouette of the trees. He cried out your name again and again. With every passing second of silence, his chest grew tighter.

Why would you have gone off alone?

What if something had taken you?

There was no way for Fili to reach the cave until the storm settled, which meant he was completely and utterly alone.

“Y/N!”

It felt like hours before the wind let up and even then, snow continued to fall and the air turned even colder, creeping down Kili’s neck like a thousand icy-legged spiders.

There, in the distance, he could just make out a shape, wandering and covered in a thick, frozen blanket.

Kili ran as fast as his aching legs would allow, his boots sliding on the ice-coated ground. No matter how loud he shouted, it was as if you couldn’t hear him. You trudged on, the snow almost reaching your knees. You didn’t even have your coat. If he didn’t get you out of this cold, you would surely be lost to the white nothingness that surrounded you.

“Y/N, what are you-” Kili moved to grab your arm and found that your eyes were closed. Ice stuck to your face where tears had fallen and your blue lips muttered the same two things over and over again.

“Maryina…. Baeriel….”

Kili’s heart shattered like an icicle falling to the earth.

“Y/N, love, wake up,” he pleaded, gently taking hold of your shoulders. He had to stop himself from recoiling. Even through your tunic, you were like a statue, freezing to the touch. “We need to get back to the cave. I need to get you to a fire. I need to get you warm.”

Already, you looked like a walking corpse.

But your eyes were starting to open.

“K-Kili?” You muttered through chattering teeth. “What’s going on? I’m so…” You stepped forward, falling against him. “I’m so cold.”

Kili didn’t hesitate. He scooped you up into his arms, holding you tight against his chest. He followed his own footprints as they were slowly being covered again by the falling snow. By some miracle, he made it back to the cave. He hurried into the tent, wishing he had the material for a fire. For now, all he had was hope.

“I heard them,” you said, still dazed. “I heard their voices calling to me in the storm.”

“And you followed it?” He gasped, quickly undoing the fastens of his coat. “Are you mad? Even if they were out there, you’re no good to them frozen to death.”

Kili shrugged out of his coat and wrapped it around your shoulders.

“No, Kili.” You tried to push him away, but he was stronger, fueled by panic and determination. “Kili, you’ll freeze.”

“I’ll be fine,” he said harriedly. He tied the entrance of the tent to keep out the frigid wind and laid down, gently pulling you along with him. Kili rubbed his hands up and down your arms, careful to keep the heap of furs wrapped tightly around you. He held you against his chest, his tunic slightly undone so you could feel the heat of his skin against your cheek.

As his warmth broke through the icy surface that suffocated your entire body, your mind started to clear. It started to wake up.

And when it did all you could see was his wide, golden-brown eyes searching yours with a fire you’d seen a few times before. Once when you’d been separated from him and his brother for a week on a particularly stressful journey and the other when your village was attacked and your sisters were taken. Each time, he looked as though he was looking at the sun for the first time.

At the time, you didn’t understand, or perhaps you didn’t let yourself understand. You understood now what that fire meant.

He was, and would always be, your shelter.

Like magnets, you somehow were drawn together still, despite already being impossibly close. The air between you was hot with your breathing. Everything seemed to stand still, from the raging winds outside to the racing heart inside your chest.

Neither of you said a word, an entire conversation held simply in the lock of your gazes.

Kili’s hand cradled the back of your head, laying it against his chest. You felt the soft, sweet warmth of his lips on your forehead.

Despite the hauntings of your mind, your heart gave you leave to rest in the strength and comfort of Kili’s embrace, allowing both of you to slip back into the persistent reach of slumber.

The storm blocked the pass by morning and, without any equipment, there was no way to get over. It had all been for nothing.

Fili found you halfway back down the mountain, the pony’s back covered with more supplies.

“What happened to you two?” He asked.

“We couldn’t find them,” you snapped, hurrying ahead of both of them.

Fili turned to his brother.

Kili shook his head.

Your party of three traveled until you found the nearest tavern and the boys made you stop for the night, watching exhaustion seep into your every step.

Dinner was had in silence with an air hanging so thick that Fili felt he would choke on it. He could never imagine the two of you fighting- he knew that his brother would never forgive himself if he ever hurt you. But he also knew Kili’s true feelings towards his best friend and Fili couldn’t help but wonder if something had been revealed while he was gone.

“We’ll start up toward the northern villages in a few days,” Kili said. “It’ll give us some time to rest, regroup, and plan.”

You stared at your plate. “What’s the point?”

Both turned to you.

Kili’s eyes softened. “Y/N, you don’t mean that.”

“They’re gone, Kili.” You blinked back tears. “We could search until the end of time and we still wouldn’t find them.”

“Then to the end of time we will look because I am not giving up,” he insisted. His dark eyes took on that glimmer from last night, igniting something within you.

Your nightmare wasn’t the only thing that frightened you.

“I’m going to my room,” you said, pushing away from the table. Your form disappeared up the stairs with the gaze of both princes trailing after you.

Kili sighed, running his fingers through his long, dark hair.

“You just going to let her go?” Fili scoffed.

“What would you have me do?”

Fili shook his head and took a drink of his ale.

Kili narrowed his eyes. “What?”

His brother raised a brow. “Y/N is the most stubborn, persistent, devoted woman I’ve ever met. She isn’t giving up on looking for her sisters. She’s worried about continuing the search with us.”

“What?” Kili exclaimed. “What are you talking about?”

“Kili, brother,” Fili sighed. “I’m saying maybe my absence was exactly the two of you needed and you’re both still avoiding what I’ve seen for as long as we’ve known Y/N.” He finished off his ale and snatched Kili’s away before he could protest. “Now go talk to her.”

Kili swallowed, staring at the steps. It took one final shove from his brother to actually get him to stand up and move.

As he ascended the stairs, Kili thought about everything Fili had said. What did he mean, his absence was what you two needed? What did he know that Kili didn’t?

Of course, the younger prince knew exactly what his brother meant. He’d always known, even when he didn’t know how to admit it. But waking up in that tent, the panicked thoughts of you out in the storm, alone, the terror of losing you to the ice and snow, and holding you in his arms to keep you warm all revealed exactly what had been in his heart all these years.

He loved you.

Perhaps Fili was right.

Maybe it was time to finally tell you.

Kili found your room and stood before it for a good long while. He tried raising his hand to knock, but he was just… frozen in place.

What if this was a mistake?

What if decades of friendship fell apart in this moment?

What if-

The door opened and his heart stopped.

You startled back at the sight of his big brown eyes. The eyes you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about. The ones you wanted to get lost in and never be found. And he was there, waiting for you.

You both opened your mouths to speak and stopped, waiting for the other person, leaving you both in a tense silence. The same tension from the tent. The one that drew you together, closer and closer.

“Kili, I-”

His lips caught yours, silencing the words you still weren’t sure how to say. You let your hands tangle in his hair, pulling him closer, closer still if that was even possible. Every moment, every breath from the last few days had been leading to this. And all either of you could think was one word.

Finally.

And as Fili watched you pull Kili into your room, kicking the door closed behind him, he was thinking the same thing.

“Finally,” he muttered, shaking his head as he went to his room, glad to have it to himself for a change.

Kili’s lips brushed against your forehead, the rest of your body completely tangled with his. Your arms wrapped around his bare chest, your legs wound between his, and your head was tucked under his chin. Your naked skin burned against each other but you never wanted it to stop.

And between every sigh, every pleasured cry or whispered word came one phrase. I love you.

He said it again, now. “I love you.”

You turned to look up at him. Into those eyes. The gaze that captured you more and more every time.

“And I you,” you said, kissing his collarbone, then his jaw, then finally his lips. “I have loved you ever since you taught me to shoot an arrow through the apples on our tree.”

Kili grinned, deepening the kiss and moving so his face hovered over yours.

“I’m still not giving up, you know,” he whispered. “We will find your sisters. And we will do it together.”

You wrapped a brown curl around your finger and nodded.

“I know. Before, I was just… scared.” You turned your head away. “That storm took me to a place I don’t want to go again.”

Kili laid a hand on your cheek, bringing your eyes back to his. “I’ll keep you safe.” He kissed your forehead again. “I promise.”

After letting the seriousness of your words settle for a moment, you grinned mischievously and rolled so that you straddled him.

“We should have tried this sooner,” you smirked.

Kili laughed and rolled again, putting him back above you. “It’s certainly a good way to stay warm.”

#kili #kili durin son #kili the hobbit #aidan turner #fili #kili and fili #kili x reader #the hobbit imagines #fantasy #winter #cuddling

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ofmdrecaps · 1 month ago

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10/02-03/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; David Jenkins; Rhys Darby; Taika Waititi; Samba Schutte; Kristian Nairn; Rachel House; Vico Ortiz; Anapela Polatavaio & David Fane; Lindsey Cantrell; Dominic Burgess; OFMD Rewind/Lube As a Crew; Fan Spotlight: Never Left Podcast; Gay Pirate News Hour; Love Notes;

Hey crew! It's gonna be another day of catching up because wow- lots happened, and lots of life has happened to! Will do my best to get 10/04 up with catch up stuff as well tonight!

== David Jenkins ==

David is promoting Kristian's book! Simone is helping!

Source: David's Instagram

== Rhys Darby ==

Although these are from last year, they were just posted by Gabe Ross, so here they are!

Source: Gabeross42 instagram

More pics to come from the Largo Los Angeles "Rhys Darby Saying Funny Things Society" show that happened on the 10/01! You can actually see some extra stuff from the show on Rhys' Substack!

Source: Largo Los Angelos Instagram

== Taika Waititi ==

Wanna see a video of Taika participating in the Haka World Record? Check it out over on tiktok!

Source: Cristalmkt on Tiktok

Taika posted the new trailer for the latest season of WWDITS!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Taika Waititi (@taikawaititi)

instagram

Source: Taika's Instagram

== Kristian Nairn ==

Kristian was out at Forbidden Planet doing signings! Did you get a chance to go?

Source: Kristian Nairn's Instagram

== Samba Schutte ==

Samba is going to be joining the team of Legend of Vox Machina for season 3!

Source: Samba's Instagram Oh and remember Best Life? It won 3 Awards of Merit from the Best Shorts Competition!

Source: Valerie Chaney's Instagram

Heyy! Good news, Advanced Chemistry is coming out on 10/8 on digital!

Source: Samba's Instagram Stories

== Anapela Polataivao & David Fane ==

Anapela's new movie Tina premiered in Hawai'i on 10/03/2024! Lots of pics of the cast at the premier!

Source: Tina The Film Instagram / David Fane's Instagram Stories

== Vico Ortiz ==

Vico participated in the ActNOW's September Scene Study class (Justice for my Sister Fellowship) and helped the next generation of folks learn about "inclusive and trauma informed filmmaking for radical, authentic storytelling"!

Source: Instagram

Vico's voiced a new Audio book thats available now! Jasmine is Haunted is available at your local library and anywhere Audiobooks are sold!

"Jasmine Garza has a problem... and it’s not just the ghost that’s been haunting her for years! 👻 Perfect for any young listener who loves Ghostbusters, this queer, #LatinX paranormal fantasy is a fun and thrilling ghost hunting adventure perfect for spooky season. Available now everywhere #audiobooks are sold and at your local library with @hoopla.digital and @libbyapp! ✨🎧"

Source: Dreamscape Media Instagram

== Dominic Burgess ==

Dominic knows all too well how to get my attention. More Cat content.

Source: Dominic Burgess Twitter

== Rachel House ==

Rachel's film Te Maunga (The Mountain) was awarded the CIFEJ Award at the Schlingel Film Festival! Oh - and Correction, The Mountain movie was available 10/02/24 on digital in AoNZ and AUS. It's not available yet int the US. Sorry about the confusion!

Source: Rachel's Instagram

Another shot of Rachel at Tiff!

Source: birdrunningh2o Instagram

== Lindsey Cantrell ==

Our dear Set Designer Linds Cantrell shared some shots of a bakery in Auckland. Now-- is she clearing out her phone, or is there more to it? You decide :)

Source: Linds Cantrell Instagram

== OFMD Rewind ==

Our friends over at @adoptourcrew and @astroglideofficial kept the OFMD Rewind Watch Party going on the 3rd, and got it trending! Wanna see the tweet thread and have access to twitter? Visit them here! If you don't have access to twitter and want to see it, visit the Renewal Repo!

Source: Adopt Our Crew Twitter

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Never Left Podcast =

Some fun news from the Never Left Podcast team! They interviewed Etana Jacobson & Alec Moore, Director & Writer of Advanced Chemistry! Keep an eye out for it on October 8th!

Source: Never Left Podcast Instagram

= Gay Pirate News Hour =

Another episode of Gay Pirate News Hour is back Oct 5, 2024 1pm Pacific, 4PM Eastern on Youtube! Hosted by Our Flag Means Fanfiction, and joining are @ringasunn and IreneAdler. So excited for the next episode! (One of these days my life will calm down and I might get to join them). Check it out on OFMFF Youtube!

Source: Our Flag Means Fanfiction

== Love Notes ==

Happy Friday Lovelies! I realize this recap is for weds and thursday but I'm gonna roll with it! I hope the rest of the week was kinder to you than the previous parts of the week. Please know we're thinking of you crew, it's okay if you're keeping low on the radar of fandom at the moment. It's also great if you're out honking your nose off! Whatever you're doing is what you need to do, and don't let anyone tell you any different. I know sometimes it seems like things just keep getting worse, lovelies, the world is a chaotic place, and it's okay to sit with your feelings and feel that. Just remember you're loved and it can and will get better one day. There will always be high points and low points in this life, that's just how it goes, but how you cope with those points changes for the better each and every time they pass. Remember you are wonderful, and you are strong, and you're gonna get through whatever you're dealing with, okay? Sending love and hugs, and all the good vibes into your weekend <3

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Source: Anxiety.Positive Instagram

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otakubimbo · 2 months ago

Text

The Rabbit and The Wolf

Feelings & Fireworks

It’s the day of the festival and you don’t know what to feel. Do you love him, do you love him not

MDNI. MATURE CONTENT.

Ch 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

master list

Your eyes are open before the sun, your body stilling as you remember the state you were in the last time you woke up. The warmth from the bed was missing, unfortunately even if you didn’t want to admit it to yourself. Last night was the best sleep you had in years, he had brought you so much comfort, so much relaxation. Sighing internally, not knowing exactly where to go from here, knowing that you would eventually have to face your own feelings. There was still one more night of having to share a bed with Kakashi, how were you going to do that with everything going on in your mind, in your heart.

With a groan, you rise out of the formerly shared bed. It was time for your comfort to be over and get ready for the day. The festival was today, and you were going to make sure all the kids had a fun time. It would be nice to see someone get to enjoy their youth for once. After casually dressing, you make your way to Team 7's room. It was still early so you hoped someone would be up, and by someone, you meant Sasuke so you could shove his head in the dirt. Luckily for you when you knocked on the door a sleepy Sasuke answered.

“Ah, just the knucklehead I wanted to see” you smile before grabbing him by the ear and dragging him out. His ‘ows’ repeated as you dragged him down the hall to take a walk outside.

“Stop dragging me” his complaints fall on deaf ears as you drag him outside.

“Listen up brat, don’t you ever do anything like that again.” You say flustered once outside.

“So did you finally ki- “Sasuke couldn’t finish before you knocked him on the head. He rubs the now-forming bump on top of his head. “What was that for?!”

“For meddling and talking too much.” You grumble, crossing your arms, a bit embarrassed. He was just like a little brother, a brat.

“I was just trying to help,” he says, still rubbing his head.

“No one asked for your help, Sasu,” you say resisting the urge to bop him again, jumping towards him as he flitches.

“I know but still.”

“Still nothing, stay out of grown folk business.”

“sorry” his muffled voice came.

You sigh at him, placing your hands on your hips before ruffling his hair. As always, he was incredibly embarrassed by that. Unfortunately, you couldn’t talk to your sister or your friend, so you had to get your thoughts out to someone.

“He did say he was in love with me,” you say as you lean on the wall behind you, avoiding his eyes.

“Is that why you disappeared?” Sasuke tries to gauge your reaction, hoping to not get another thump on the head.

“Possibly.” You reply, still avoiding the young man's gaze, “But like I said before, it’s complicated.” You sigh, before looking at him.

“Everything is complicated”

“Yeah, everything is complicated.” You are avoiding his gaze yet again, looking up to the sky.

“I think you may be making it complicated.” He remarks mainly to the air instead of directed at you.

You exhale deeply, “maybe.”

There was silence between the two of you until it was broken by Kakashi’s voice.

“You two the only ones up?” He asks walking up with a bag in hand, still with one of his perv books in the other.

“Yeah, last time I checked. Those idiots sleep like rocks.” Sasuke said casually, as if you two weren’t just talking about the man walking up now. There was a hesitation in looking at him from you, but you could feel him glancing at you while he talks to Sasuke about how the night went and the plans for the day. Every time your gaze falls on him, all you can think of is waking up entangled in him and your heart beating dangerously fast.

“I think I’m going to go back to the room.” You say before scurrying off, while they were in mid conversation about today’s plans. The two of them watched you quickly walk away from them, Sasuke looking up at Kakashi to see his expression.

“Don’t break her heart.” Sasuke says to the older man, turning his attention back to your fleeting form. Kakashi looks down at him, confused. “She feels the same if you couldn’t tell. I saw you two the other day, outside the hospital.”

Kakashi was a bit embarrassed that someone else also said his rejection and your disappearing act. He decides to stay silent, not trying to acknowledge his downfall.

“And she told me what you said.” Sasuke starts casually, looking at Kakashi, “She says things are complicated, I don’t really know what she meant by that but that’s not really for me to figure out I guess.”

“OH,” Kakashi says thoughtfully, now understanding your behavior more.

“Just don’t tell her I told you, she’d kill me. “The boy says before stuffing his hands in his pockets and starting to walk back to his own room. He left his sensei there to be with his thoughts, the bag of pastries in the bag he was holding getting cold. Kakashi was surprised that you confided in Sasuke about his feelings, but it seemed like your sister's words. To him, you may love him, you just were scared, which was fair so that meant he possibly had a chance to change your mind. He was a coward once; he wasn’t about to be one again.

Back in the room, you were in the shower, trying to calm your heart and mind. The things that man does to your head. You aggressively wash your body to distract yourself from your own thoughts. Hearts were such fickle things, and you had no clue what was going on with yours. If it wasn’t obvious, you didn’t know what to do with yours, it had already been damaged once by this man and you didn’t want it damaged again. But he said he loved you; he was in love with you, and you were…... well you weren’t sure what you were.

When you exit the bathroom, Kakashi is still not in the room. You exhaled a sigh of relief at that, you weren’t ready to face him yet. There did seem to be a note on the table that was there along with a coffee, which you picked up reading. The note read, ‘I took the team to do some festival preparations for tonight. The coffee is for you, I think it’s just as you like it.’ As you put it down, you picked up the coffee taking a small sip of it, and it was perfect just the way you loved it. It was sweet but just bitter enough that it kept that coffee taste, he remembered. That feeling made you smile a little to yourself, a sign of his love for you.

You spend the time without the team and Kakashi, relaxing and getting ready for the festival. After last night, you decided that you would confess that you feel the same way about the man you shared a room with last night. The preparation for the night included shaving, skincare, and making sure your kimono was perfect. Luckily for you, your hair was already in a protective style so that was one last thing on the ‘everything shower’ list. Since completing all your body tasks, you went to get yourself a little sake to calm your nerves for the night. You found a small store selling drinks and some other festival items.

“Welcome, how can I help you today?” the shopkeeper asks you as you enter the little shop.

“HI, yes, I was looking for some sake.” You answered with a shy smile, you were extremely nervous.

“Oh, is this for a special occasion besides the festival? You seem a little flustered. A mister caught your eye?” The woman behind the counter teases you.

“Something like that,” you say as you play with your fingers nervously and the older woman chuckles at you while shuffling to find you something that must have come to her mind. She pulls a bottle from the back of a shelf.

“Now this is incredibly smooth and a relaxing, calming drink.” She says without even telling you the price, wrapping it up for you. Before you could ask anything, she pulled out a smaller vial of something from under the counter, “And now this, this is a bit of liquid courage, which seems like you need. Am I right?”

“Yeah. Thanks” You mumble, feeling your whole body heat up at the thoughts. You reach into your pocket to pull out your wallet when the old lady stops you.

“Oh no, these are on the house, dear.” She states putting the items in a bag and pushing it towards you. You attempt to argue with her about needing to pay and she refuses. “I make more than enough to sustain during this season. Please just take it.” You sigh in defeat, taking the bag from the older woman, and bowing a thank you.

You put the smaller bottle of “liquid courage” in your personal bag, holding the other bottle in the bag as you make your way back to the inn. It was finally a good time to start getting ready, hopefully, Kakashi was already ready or at least not in the room. Unfortunately for you, not only was he there but he wasn’t even close to being dressed still in his casual outfit.

“Hi,” you say sheepishly entering the seemingly smaller room. He nods back at you, gesturing to the bag in your hand. “Oh, I just got some sake for tonight, the shopkeeper gave it to me for free. You wouldn’t even believe it.”

“Ha, you threaten her or something” He jokes and your cheeks puff at him.

“NO!” You huffed putting the bottle on the table on the wall. “She said she makes enough money during this time and that I looked like I needed it.”

“Are you nervous about something?” He questioned taking a tentative step towards you, which made you automatically turn from facing him.

“NO! she said I looked stressed, that’s all.” You fidget with the bottle in your hand, still not facing him yet, pouring two shots for the two of you. “Here” you shove the cup into his hand. He raises an eyebrow at you.

“We are not getting drunk, a few shots of sake never hurt anyone.” You comment, a small smile on your face that Kakashi couldn’t deny making him flustered.

“Fine” He relents, clinking his cup against yours. A bigger smile spreads on your face as you down the shot back without a second thought, as Kakashi does the same.

“See not that bad!” You could feel the warmth of the liquor in your body, licking the remnants of the shot from your lips. Kakashi stilled at the sight of you doing that, he could feel the blood rushing to a certain area of his body. You cocked your head to the side in confusion from his silence which just made him tense even more, his face starting to burn.

“Yeah, not bad” He coughs as if he might be choking. You just chuckle while putting your cup down.

“Well, I should probably start getting ready.” You are still chuckling at him while you make your way to the bathroom. The shopkeeper was right, you were going to need some liquid courage because you don’t even know how you get a clear head when talking to him just then. As you close the door behind you, you fish the special drink out of your bag, clutching the vial in your hand, and you pop the top of it. At no point did you even think about the consequences of drinking this vial, didn’t even check to see exactly what it was but you down it anyway. You doubted it would be able to kill you anyway, you’ve downed your fair share of poisons and right now you were going to do anything not to think about the possibilities of tonight.

After your shower, you felt a bit more refreshed, lightheaded even but in a good way even a bit giggly. Whatever was in that drink you took was putting you into a positive mood, you almost couldn’t stop giggling to yourself. Tonight was going to be fun; you were going to let yourself enjoy life for once. Your hair was done simply, half up, half down, a cute little bun in the back. You went with a basic makeup look also, it was going to be dark after all, no need to go all out. Your eyeshadow matched your yukata, a midnight blue color, placed below your water line and on your lash line, it made your eyes pop. You were almost finished, you just needed a little help getting your yukata tied, leaving the bathroom in a small fit of giggles.

Immediately Kakashi’s face moves to yours as he hears the lightness in your voice, which he hasn’t heard in years.

“Kashi” You start, walking out of the bathroom and trying your best to tie yourself up. “Can you help me? I just can’t get my fingers to work it seems.”

The man before you was frozen, the way you looked so cute yet disheveled in your yukata, the light finally returning to your eyes, you were glowing, magnificent to him. The sight was so domestic, a life that he craved, from you. Images of a possible life with you flooded his head and heart, hearing the giggle in your voice felt like a drug to him right then, the idea of being the reason your yukata was disheveled instead of your inability to tie it yourself. Your confused voice calling out his name, finally snapped him out of his daydream.

“Are you gonna help me?” You questioned, a cute tilt to your head as you still try to fumble with it yourself.

“Oh yeah,” He stutters getting up to come behind you, helping you tie yourself up. He inhaled your scent deeply, even more intoxicating than just the sight of you, the smell of cinnamon and vanilla filling his nostrils. The amount of willpower it took from him to not bury his face into the crook of your neck.

You spin facing him once he finishes his work, “Thanks.” You beam up at him, the mystery drink you had making you feel so warm and excited. “So…. How do I look?” You ask before giving him a simple twirl.

“Almost perfect,” He remarks before turning to grab something, while you look at him confused.

“Almost?”

“Almost.” He responds, pulling out a delicate silver flower pin. It was absolutely beautiful and intricate, with tiny flowers and vines scattered with small crystals.

“Oh my. Kashi, this is beautiful.” You say taking the fragile pin into your hands. “You got this for me?”’

“Yeah, no big deal.” He says casually, although it wasn’t casual at all. He was searching everywhere today for something for you and when he spotted the pin, he knew he had to get it for you. Intricate and beautiful, just like you. Gently, he takes the pin from your hands, reaching behind you to place it in your bun. You could feel his warm breath in your ear, and it sent an immediate shiver down your spine, having to force yourself not to let any noises escape your mouth.

He backed away after placing it in your hair, not too far but too close, dangerously close. “Now, perfect.”

“Thank you” you exhale not even realizing you were holding your breath. You looked up at him, starry-eyed, this was bad, bad. His face started falling towards yours, but to your surprise, you couldn’t move. You were going to let him kiss you, you wanted him to kiss you and your eyes started fluttering shut as you began to lean up to him. Before the gap could be closed, there was a bang at the door, Naruto of course.

“Y/N-sensei, Kakashi-sensei?! You ready to go?!” Naruto yells from outside the door, you take a huge step back while Kakashi sighs.

“Yeah, yeah, just give us a second” you yell back at him, going to get your shoes, avoiding the man's gaze on you slipping them on before grabbing another shot of sake. Luckily, you were still feeling light and airy from the mystery drink which calmed your nerves so easily. After your shot, you pour one for the man, handing it to him with a smile.

“Come on old man, let's live a little”

And who was he to ever deny you, especially with the way you were smiling at him now. The way you were going to let him have you just then, the thought of feeling your body under his again. Maybe he would have two more, taking the cup from your hand grazing your fingers gently before downing it and pouring him another.

“Okay okay, maybe you’re not that old after all.” You joke, grabbing his hand knowing Naruto didn’t have a patient bone in his body. Kakashi was taken aback by the gesture, but he wasn’t going to show it and just let you pull him out of the room.

“Wow, Y/N-sensei you look so pretty!” Naruto exclaims as you exit the room.

“Well thank you Naruto, I do clean up nice sometimes.” You ruffle his hair at his compliment.

“Definitely only sometimes.” Sasuke remarks under his breath and you elbow him in the ribs.

“Brat”

“How do I look Y/N-sensei?” Sakura asks shyly, getting your attention. She was dressed in an adorable yukata that resembled her name.

“Absolutely stunning” You comment, giving her a little boop on the nose. She glowed under your approval, hoping that it would do good to get Sasuke’s attention which you noticed. “Don’t you agree Sasu?”

“Hmph” He snorts, and you elbow him again. “Yeah, I guess.”

You could tell Sakura was doing her best to hold on to her composure at getting a compliment from Sasuke. And you could only stifle your giggles so much from the scene. Your little group left the inn to attend the festival activities held outside. It was completely beautiful outside. Lanterns hanging from all the shops along with different colored lights. The streets were bustling with people, almost overly crowded yet everyone was in light spirits. Food and game stalls were everywhere, there was no clue where to start first truly. You reach into your pocket pull out some money and hand it to Sakura.

“I can trust you with this right Sakura?” You ask, putting the bag of money in her hand.

“Yes ma’am” She nods putting it in your pocket.

“Great” you clap your hands together, “Yall have fun, we can meet before the fireworks.”

And with that, they go run off, well Naruto and Sakura run off while Sasuke walks behind them, to do whatever they want with the money you gave them. You giggle as you watch them.

“They’re good kids” you mention as you and Kakashi walk side by side.

“Yeah, nothing like us back then. We were hell.” He chuckles beside you.

“We?! Absolutely not, Kashi. I have always been a saint, I was perfect.” You giggle knowing damn well that wasn’t the truth, especially when you were with him. The two of you together were demons, too serious yet too reckless. Just two kids trying to figure shit out the wrong way. You with your smart mouth and Kakashi with his even worse attitude, young and powerful.

Kakashi snorts, “You literally cussed out the Hokage before, two of them!”

“I was just standing my ground, actually.”

“You told the 3rd to go to hell.” He reminds.

“And I stand on that, in the moment.” Crossing your arms defensively.

“Which is why he didn’t let you go on missions for a month.”

“WHICH is why I stood on that.” You shove him with your shoulder. “As if you were any better, you always had such a bad attitude and a scowl on your face. Some would find that off-putting.”

“You never felt that way.” He comments.

“And that’s not the point. Plus, they kept sticking us on missions together, so I just had to get used to you, ya know.”

“A force to be reckoned with.” He breathes out, reminiscing on your past adventures. You fall into a comfortable silence as you both take in the sights of the festival, your body heating up from the drinks you had earlier, finally starting to feel it. Unconsciously, your body leans more into Kakashi feeling his warmth against your skin. It wasn’t until you caught wind of something delicious and sweet in the air did you moved from his side, your eyes scanning to find the source of the smell. AH HA. You spot the dango stand, lacing your arm through Kakashi’s, and you pull him towards the stand. You hadn’t had dango in forever and it smelled delectable.

“Two please?” You request, about to go into your pocket to pay when Kakashi’s hand is already handing money over, waiting for you to take the sticks. You take the sticks, thanking the lady at the stand.

“What a good boyfriend you have.” She comments with a wink, you just laugh.

“He’s alright,” you say awkwardly, taking a dango into your mouth, as the older woman laughs at you while you allow Kakashi to pull you away. “Don’t say anything, it would have been rude to correct her.” You scold him before he could even say anything, even though you didn’t unlink your arms.

“I wasn’t even going to say anything” He jokes, feeling his chest tighten at the thought.

“Sure,” you say taking another bite. “I could have paid myself.”

“You could of,” he says casually as he pulls his arm closer to his body which pulls you closer to him, you don’t move back.

The two of you continued enjoying the rest of the festival with Kakashi buying you more snacks that you sniffed out, even winning you a prize at one of the stalls. A stuffed wolf. You were enjoying this, enjoying being with Kakashi like this. It wasn’t like when you were younger and would hang out like friends. This felt intimate, almost like a date but of course, it wasn’t. In the back of your mind, you remember how he said that he was in love with you but now he was just acting so casually as if nothing had changed. Yes, he did almost kiss you earlier today but still, a girl sometimes has her doubts.

Truthfully, you were more scared of your feelings than his, afraid that you were also in love with him, but you didn’t even know what that meant. All of this was a first for you because of course you’ve been in relationships and liked people, but you’ve never been in love. Especially being in love with your best friend, one of the few people you have left in your life that you just got back.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you hadn’t even noticed you and Kakashi stopped walking. He said your name quietly, gently turning your head to face him making you snap out of your thoughts.

“You okay?” He asked concern written all over your face at your sudden mindlessness. His fingers felt like they were burning under your chin. You squeeze the wolf closer to you, taking in the features of his face before you sigh nodding.

“Yeah, I’m fine” You attempt to laugh it off. “Just haven’t been to a festival in so long, ya know” He seems to believe your excuse, releasing your face and picking up two baskets you don’t even remember acquiring.

“Alright, well the team said they found the best spot to watch the fireworks.”

“Oh great” You smile up at him and the worried lines on his face soften. The two of you walk to a place that seems far away from the actual festival, a mostly abandoned hill that’s just outside the festival area. Your eyes scan around for the team, spotting them almost immediately Naruto waving frantically.

“y’all been having fun?” You ask as the two of you walk up to them, Kakashi handing them one of the baskets that Sasuke takes.

“Yes, but Naruto kept losing money on games” Sakura pouts, complaining as Naruto tries to defend himself. You could see that happening, which makes you giggle at their antics. Sasuke stays silent, looking at you and Kakashi in a strange way that you couldn’t figure out why when you met his eyes.

“What? You must not have had fun” You tease, jostling his hair which makes him smack your hand away scoffing. But he kept that same look on his face, it wasn’t a bad look, but you couldn’t figure out what was on his mind.

“Nothing.” He says, turning his back. “Come on before these fireworks start” he doesn’t even wait for a response as he starts walking away. The other two follow him as Naruto waves bye which again makes you giggle, so adorable.

“I think Sasuke had a better time than he wants to admit. Reminds me of someone at that age” You tease.

“I have no clue who you could be referring to.” He remarks pulling you to a bit higher spot on the hill behind where the team set their blanket and everything up. That’s what must be in the baskets. Kakashi takes out everything that was in your basket which includes a little more than just a blanket and snacks for you two, he also got some Sake, your favorite sake. He lets you sit down first on the blanket he just laid out, pouring you and himself some sake as he sits down. You sip on your cup as you gently lean into Kakashi again as you did while walking.

“I haven’t seen fireworks in years.” You break the silence between the two of you.

“Truthfully, I can��t remember the last time I had.” He comments back and you giggle at that taking another sip. You start fiddling with the cup in your hand, anxious about what you’re going to say next.

“I’ve had a really good time tonight.” You came out and just said it.

‘Really?”

“Really” you repeat taking a bigger sip this time.

He smiles gently down at you, “Good. I had hoped so.”

Before you could say anything else, the fireworks started grabbing your attention. It was the perfect spot to watch them. From your point of view, you could see everything without having to strain your neck up to see. It was beautiful.

“Beautiful.” You comment, staring at the fireworks in awe.

“Exceptionally so.” He replies, except he wasn’t looking at the fireworks. He was looking at you and you could feel his gaze, slowly turning your head towards him. His gaze was soft but there was a fire behind it that was making your heart pound into your chest. You didn’t know what was louder, the fireworks or your heart. A feeling of boldness came across you as your hand reached for his face, stroking his cheek, gently pulling on his mask as you leaned up. He follows your lead, leaning down towards you as you pull his mask down past his lips.

“Is this, okay?” He asked barely above a whisper, not even sure if you could hear him or not, even with your faces not even an inch apart. You nod against his face, pushing his nose with yours before his lips land directly onto yours. The arm he had resting behind you grabbed you by the waist pulling you more into him which made you gasp against his mouth. Your gasp allowed Kakashi to explore your mouth with his tongue, he almost moaned. You tasted like sugar and sake; this was going to be his new favorite flavor. You allowed him to dominate your mouth, enjoying the way he felt encompassing you. His grip on your waist getting harder, making you moan into his mouth which just encouraged him more to dominate over you, feeling small and delicate in his grasp. He had such a strong hold on you, kissing you so passionately, hungrily as if you would disappear at any moment if he let go. The kiss was making you dizzy, if Kakashi wasn’t holding onto you so aggressively you don’t even think you would be able to keep yourself upright. You gain some composure as you bite his lower lip, pulling away to take a moment, which he doesn’t give you before he’s attacking your neck a growl coming from deep in his throat as you moan into his ear.

“Fuck, Kashi. We are in public.” You whimper, trying to slow him down. He bit down hard before pulling away.

“You’re right.” He says but doesn’t let you go pulling you into another breathtaking kiss, which you pull away too soon for his liking. You place his mask back on his face with a giggle, fireworks still going off behind y’all as you remove his hand from around your waist entangling your fingers with his.

“I know I’m right.” You put your head on his shoulder, your interlocked fingers in your lap. Fuck, you were definitely head over heels for this man. And if that kiss proved anything, he was still in love with you, which you had no clue why you were worried about in the first place. Y'all enjoyed the rest of the fireworks with your head on his shoulder as his thumb drew circles on your hand, fingers still entwined. After the fireworks were over, Kakashi packed everything up back in the basket and promptly grabbed your hand back into his. He was very serious about hand holding it seemed which made you giggle.

“Alright team, fun’s over. We gotta head back tomorrow so let’s call it a night.” You state walking up to the team as they were getting their own basket back together. You can see Sasuke's eyes dart to where you and Kakashi were connected before going back to what he was doing previously. This almost made you want to let go, feeling self-conscious but Kakashi held your hand tightly. Luckily, neither Naruto nor Sakura paid the two of you any mind as they started walking back to the inn. After getting back to the inn, Sasuke gives you a knowing look, which makes you step right on his foot before taking your leave to your own room. Why he insisted on trying to embarrass you was beyond you, such little brother behavior. Once back in the room, you immediately take down your hair, gently playing the pin Kakashi got for you on the desk. You head to the bathroom, to get ready for the night but unfortunately, while you are in there it seems like you can’t get your yukata untied.

“Um, Kakashi” You call to him from the bathroom. “Can you help me again? You tied this kind of tight ya know.”

He makes his way into the bathroom to assist you, the mask having already been discarded, hands working diligently to untie the knot himself created. Once he assisted you, he didn’t make a move to leave from behind you, instead moving your hair to one side giving him access to your neck again placing his lips there softly as his hands move to the front of your yukata.

“Kakashi” you whisper as you feel him untying the front. His mouth doesn’t move from your neck as he caresses your body.

“We aren’t in public.” He smirked against your skin before continuing his attack on your neck making you grip the sink in front of you arching your back into him.

“No, we aren’t” you whimper as you throw your head back, moving on of your hands to grip the back of his head. His hands roam your body as he sucks and bites at all the weak points of your neck leaving you gasping and moaning. When he realizes he can’t get the thing untied from behind you, he turns you around, lifting you up on the sink and immediately colliding his mouth onto yours. He begins to finally untie the front of your yukata breaking away only to take in your form in just your bra and panties, matching black lace set. One thing you always had confidence in was your body but now you were feeling almost shy, wanting to close back up. Kakashi inhales sharply as his hands run up your thighs.

“Fuck, you're beautiful, even more than before.”

Your form was filled out a little more than most 3 years ago. There were more curves to your hips, your breasts a bit fuller, and your legs so much thicker, Kakashi was mesmerized by the changes to your body, and he needed you desperately. His hand goes to your throat as he pulls you into a kiss, gently squeezing which makes your body unconsciously grind into him, your legs wrapping around his waist to pull him closer. You moan his way as he makes his way down your jawline, licking around your ear lobe whispering in your ear how great your body feels against his as his free hand roams your body. He removes his hand from your throat, replacing it with his mouth. his mouth makes its way across your shoulder making your body feel like it's on fire from his touch. Your hands move to his waist to untie the sash to take off his garments, but your hands are fumbling as he makes his way to your breasts, unfastening your bra with ease to take your nipple into his mouth.

“Fuck, Kakashi” you moan, leaving his garment alone to hold yourself on the sink. He went between biting and sucking on your nipple, sending intense waves of pleasure straight to your core as your head is thrown back with a moan. You attempt to pull him closer with your legs, wanting to feel more of his body against you but his hand grabs your thigh to stop your movements. He makes his way back up to your face, kissing you before moving to your ear again.

“Be patient, let me have this” he breaths into your ear and you think you could cum right then, you knew your panties were flooded at this point. You release your legs from around him, allowing him to have his way with you.

“Thank you”

His mouth was everywhere on your torso right then, kissing, sucking, biting every single inch of your skin. You were going to be covered in marks by the time he was done with you, but you were growing needier and needier with each feel of his mouth. You ached for him. He was touching you everywhere but the one place that would relieve your pressure.

“Kashi, please” You begged, not knowing how much more you could take. He goes to his knees looking up at you.

“Of course, princess” his mouth connecting with your clothed pussy as his hands knead your thighs, he was trying to kill you, you just knew it. His tongue swipes across your clit, still clothed teasing you even more. Your hands move to slide your panties down, but his hands come to stop you. “Not yet”

You whine at his actions, needing more of him. The thin layer of your panties separates him from your flesh. You push your hips more into him, not knowing how much more you could take without feeling him.

“Please” you whine, looking down at him and making him darkly chuckle as he finally grants your request by slowly, painfully slowly, dragging your panties down and off. He started to devour you like a man starved. His hands gripping your thighs to keep your legs apart as he feasted on you, overwhelming you with pleasure. Your hands go to grip his hair as you through your head back moaning his name like a bitch in heat. One of the hands that was gripping your thighs moves to your drenched entrance, placing two fingers inside while his mouth moves to suck and swirl around your clit.

“Don’t stop” you moan, feeling everything building up inside of you as his fingers move through you hitting the spot that makes you clench. He moans at your reactions to him which pushes you closer to the edge. The grip on his hair strengthens as you push him further into your cunt crying out his name as an orgasm rips through you, squirting all over his face.

“Fuck fuck fuck” you curse, your back arched as he keeps up his actions as you’re still going through your peak. It was almost too much as his attack on you slowed, finally able to get your breathing under control. He grins at you deviously, face wet from your release as he moves his way to capture your mouth with us. The taste of yourself on his tongue sends a shiver down your spine as you moan into his mouth. Your hands go between your bodies as you grab him, stroking him slowly as you use your own slick to lubricate his length.

“Princess” He growls against your mouth, pressing his body more into your hand. “Put me in, princess” He wanted it to sound like a demand, but it came out more of a whimper, needing to be inside you badly. He needed it almost as much as he needed air. You lift your hips as you guide him into you. Kakashi almost collapses as he feels himself enter you, so tight, so wet, so warm. “Fuck”

His movements are slow at first as he composes himself trying to allow you to adjust to him being inside you, but you don’t need that as he feels you start to grind back against him causing a curse to leave his lips.

“You’re going to kill me, pretty” He grunts as your hands start to rake across his back and he picks up his pace slamming into you fiercely. You’re moaning his name like a prayer, hands leaving streaks across his back and it’s driving him to the brink of insanity. His movements falter for a second as your walls are attempting to pull his cum out directly from his balls. You take this moment to roll over, letting yourself be on top of him, your movements are flawless as you immediately begin riding him not missing a single moment. You really may be the death of him. Fuck. His hands grab onto your hips as you grind against him, the grip he has on you is surely to leave bruises, but you don’t mind you're in complete ecstasy.

“Fuck, Kakashi” you moan fondling your breasts as you grind against him. “I’m gonna cum,” your toes curling as you feel him twitching inside of you, seeing that he’s just as close as you. “cum with me”

Your request spurred something new in him as he started ramming you from underneath making your head spin. You scream his name as you cum, HARD, feeling him cum with you as you collapse on top of him. You both are breathing heavily as you both come down for your highs, his hands gently stroking your back. Your eyes are growing heavy, and you feel so content and at peace for once in so long.

“I love you” your voice comes out, barely as a whisper. Kakashi’s hand stops moving on your back, gripping you to his body.

“I love you,” he says back, and you sigh happily feeling your eyes grow heavy.

Everything finally felt right, you felt right in his arms, you felt right with this team, and everything was good for you finally. You couldn’t wait to tell your sister when you got back, she would be so happy. You were so happy.

Is this what pure happiness felt like?

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