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#Sika Madu
lostsoulaltair · 23 days
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OnS Analysis - Everything connects. The final spiderweb.
Hello everyone. On the last post I updated, I mentioned I'd talk about certain topic regarding the story along how Yuu might actually underestimate Guren and company but at the end of the day, this is merely an analysis and a theory to some extent.
P.S: Analysis are held within a neutral view
First of all, to some degree it was rather special that Yuu was the first to take independent action regarding his fate along what he wanted to achieve, which of course lead to the Shinoa squad take a path on their own as well.
But now. The first point surges
1. The proof of the spiderweb
To begin with, it is evident that we have had several schemers within the OnS Story, those schemers being: Guren, Mahiru, Rigr Stafford, Ferid Bathory and Shikama Doji.
In the LNs of the Resurrection at 19, it is stated that Shikama Doji or Sika Madu was well known for being someone who could command which empires would rise or fall, leading to having control of "Fate" itself. Of course this changed thanks to Rigr Stafford after he made the Ichinose branch split or distance from the Hiragi Family.
But let's get closer to events that affect the characters.
The fateful encounter
The very first element of this spiderweb between Guren, Yuu, Mika, Mahiru and Ferid lies in the very encounter between Yuu and Guren.
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At the beginning, the story itself felt like coincidence but further events proved that the whole meeting and arrival of Guren was planned from the get go which is revealed after 109 chapters, leading to chapter 110.
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In chapter 110, Mikaela managed to rewind the events that took place when Yuu and him were children, given that their memories were quite the same and his status as a demon allowed him to spot anomalies, he managed to see who were their schemers along realizing that Ferid organized everything so Yuu could leave along making Mikaela turn into a vampire.
Reunion
The next element to the massive spiderweb is the very fact that the reunion between Mikaela and Yuu once they turned 16 was planned very independent from Guren activating the Seraph within Yuu for the first time.
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Of course at such time, such point could easily be misleading given that it was more aligned to human experimentation than what Guren truthfully sought.
But what was the real reason?
Correct. Guren needed Yuu to actually erase his humanity given that at the beginning of the story; among the three wielders of black demon series, only Yuu had the special drugs to trigger the Seraph trait. This eventually would lead for Yuu to lose his humanity due to the abuse he gave along finally touching the trumphet.
Within this, it also played the role that given the love Yuu felt and the signs of Yuu's bonds with the Hyakuya Sect, specially with Mikaela; this lead to the first awkward statement from Yuu.
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Purpose
The next part that follows up is the fact of the purpose or reason. Guren never lied in the fact that he needed to use Yuu along Mikaela.
The very first time Guren opened on his use for Yuu given that he was the vital piece for the Resurrection was back in chapter 59.
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Now, this might feel like a disconnection but actually, it connects to the fact that in chapters 113-114, Guren explained briefly the requirements for the Resurrection but of course, that wasn't the real plan at all.
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The beginning of the battle against the First and the birth of Demon Mikaela.
Now, following up with this, Mikaela's transformation as a Demon wasn't just something that was within sight from the First Progenitor but also a plan from Guren and Mahiru. But what was the whole purpose for it?
Truth to be told, there is actually a purpose but just like the other points, it was made from a finite spiderweb as well.
Given that Mikaela was a test subject for carrying the Michaela Trait and the Seraph Trait, he was bound to be special and among the abilities he had, was the fact that in contrast to the other demons, Mikaela was able to see through Yuu's memories into more depth.
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And this of course, eventually led to something Mahiru aimed from the get go, since in chapter 110 she suggested they needed to figure out who they were millenia ago.
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Back in chapter 120, Yuu and Mikaela finally chose to discover who they were but, the question might pop: If the purpose was for them to see their memories and identities, was there a need to split them?
This connects to the next point.
2.Is Yuu in control of his own fate or is he actually dancing on Guren's palm?
Answering the question in point 1; there is actually a reason as to why Guren, Mahiru and Ferid needed the Squad to split but this is divided in two points.
1. Adquiring the remaining sinful keys.
First of all, way back from old chapters, it was known that there were seven sinful keys, but so far, we were able to see in total 4 within the manga, one being held by Yuu in chapter 139 making them 5, and lastly the mystery of the remaining two as shown in the same chapter.
(Side note: I know that in the LN of the Resurrection we see Mahiru getting one on her neck...though, as to why now there are physically 5 in the current manga, I don't know, perhaps that sinful key Mahiru got had its use or was more akin to a prototype. This is mere speculation)
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Given that Shinoa was aware that Guren and Mahiru along the aid of Ferid were pretty much planning things without letting vital information float for the whole squad, and considering the lack of power at that time. Shinoa's squad pretty much stayed like lambs, taking in consideration that Yoichi and Kimizuki never got their Seraph trait exploited like Yuu. This left with the consequence of an umbalanced Squad and any hope of fighting against Guren would be a complete loss.
But given the new events of Shinoa finally analyzing everything that has happened so far along gaining coinfidence, this led for her to finally have a vast amount of power along ensuring her friends and family aren't deceived any longer by fake promises.
Along this, she is aware Ferid is stupidly smart, she was aware that Guren's team made Ferid keep an eye on them hence why she spied on them back in chapter 139; this of course led for her to know that within her squad there are two sinful key sources which of course are Yoichi Saotome and Shiho Kimizuki.
2. Divide and Conquer. Dancing in the palm of Guren
While it's good that Yuu and Mika chose their fate to their own hands; Mika and Yuu are pretty much dividing and conquering but there's one issue here. Which is it?
Correct. He's not the only one using such tactic. The second one using them from the very beginning was Guren's team.
But why?
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Back in chapter 130, there was a flashback showing Ferid, Guren and very likely ghost type Mahiru to check the memories of Yuu and Mika, leaving an open ending about such events.
But why do I state they're still dancing to someone's tune?
Given that Guren exploited the nature of Mikaela's distrust towards humanity along having the knowledge of Mahiru of how perceptive he was; Guren knew that if the Squad along Yuu and Mika, there would be a difference in terms of power given that the squad would have played the role of supporters in a real combat.
Hence why instead of making such scenario, the best one was of dividing and conquering while making certain Yuu and Mika would dive into their pasts along ensuring to get one special thing Guren needs. What could it be?
Correct. The three spells and power of the First.
But how can I state this?
This follows up by the nature of the First. He was secretive always evading and making his web to counter possibilities but what he didn't have in sight was the very issue that Guren was one of the few that could go against such flow along the inclusion of Ferid Bathory to such team.
But in order to trigger such massive miracle, they need power of an equivalent force for such miracle.
Yuu and Mika so far have joined with the progenitors but at the same time, those progenitors are the very target of Ferid Bathory. Quite ironic isn't it?
At the end, it is possible that a decisive battle between Guren and Yuu takes place and this time won't be about letting win someone but rather defeating and proceeding with their agenda.
What do you think guys? Let me know !
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i spoke to God even though he don't care how i feel.
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eluxcastar · 9 months
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With a yandere s/o
── ୨୧:ky luc, urd geales, rígr stafford, shikama dōji x reader (separate)
୨୧﹑synopsis :: yandere s/o ideas let's gooo
୨୧﹑genre :: Idk tbh
୨୧﹑content :: gn reader, repeated themes of obsession, yandere, unhealthy relationships, imagined relationships (rígr), it's implied shikama does a lot to them 💀, mostly proofread
୨୧﹑words :: 1.2k
I had this idea a while ago but I couldn't be bothered until now (<- me from literally over a year ago)
I FISHED THIS OUTTA THE DARKEST CORNERS OF THE DRAFTS TO FEED Y'ALL I can't even believe I'm about to do this it literally had green dividers from my THIRD Tumblr theme 😭 I wanna post more ONS content again though so expect it here and there. requests are a VERY hard maybe
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── ୨୧:ky luc
Ky is entirely unbothered by this little arrangement you've made, letting you do as you please around him and indulging you in some of your little gestures of affection, all in exchange for keeping him fed straight from the source. You can sense Ky is not fully invested in this relationship-- may not even see it in the same light that you do. How dare he act so casually toward you. You wanted him to be less formal, but Ky is always brushing you off as 'livestock' that he claims to somewhat fancy, though not for anything but the taste of your blood.
In truth, he finds you quite strange. He has warned you before that you better not dare be too bold and involve yourself too personally in his affairs publicly. He's quick to remind you how easy it would be to kill you, all done with a hand to your throat and the blade forming around his hand as he offers to fulfil that promise immediately. He's noticed how overeager you are, and he almost doesn't like it. Ky doesn't trust you on your own; he's put off by how strangely you act. He's tried to tell you a million times he does not and cannot love you, but each time, you go crawling back to him, begging him to continue your deal.
Ky has figured out he can use your own adoration and idolisation of him against you because you will keep falling for the things he says for now. He knows he can offer even shallow acts only vaguely reminiscent of lovers, and you'd do it in a heartbeat. You're somehow so stubborn yet so easy to control, and he takes advantage of that to the full extent, watching you run around like a headless chicken trying to please him. It's entertaining to know you still somehow think this is moving you up some kind of ladder closer to him accepting your love without a deal.
── ୨୧:urd geales
Urd has developed a growing tolerance for you ever since you first appeared and kept appearing in the places he was going you could access. You seemed too nervous to talk every time he approached, so he had to wait until you began your advances, and once they started, they didn't stop. He hated to admit that a part of him was strangely enamoured by the idea that maybe if he let your infatuation fester enough, you'd be the one person who would never leave, but he also knows you're extremely abusive at times.
You can't hurt him, nor could you dream of it, but it was saying too much that hurt him. You smothered him, babied him for a time and swore you'd hurt anyone who just so much as brushed against him too harshly for your tastes. It is uncontrollable, and Urd never knows if you'll go through with it. Urd tries to calm you down, but you've managed to convince yourself he's too nice, and this is how you'll 'protect' him from the world. You suffocate Urd so much that he doesn't know if you still think of him as an adult or as a child.
Urd requires your utmost attention, and there are many times he's considered ending your life so that you can't be a bother to the peace he's created, but he keeps getting drawn back. Urd knows if he leaves you to your devices and allows you to fuss over him, you'll be at ease, even if you seem to want to control him. If Urd lets you fuss, you stay put, and if you stay put, you won't leave to go anywhere. For a while, you'll remain with him, and he can subject himself to the headache for the reward.
── ୨୧:rígr stafford
This relationship you have with him always seems to go unnoticed. He ignores you all the time, he's never around, and he never pays even a hint of attention to you. You're glad to find yourself locked up because, for the first time in a while, he looks back at you with all of his attention. It's just like how you imagined it to be intense and with a strange interest that perhaps doesn't belong.
You're so glad he's finally started paying attention to you. This is much better than when you borrow his things and imagine him, the way he'd scold you for it, the disappointment you would think was visible on his face.
"I took more than just that." You confess just as he opens his mouth to speak and don't even allow him a chance to ask what you are doing. You keep idolising this man; you likely always will, adoring him and holding him on the pedestal he deserves. He can only shake his laugh at you and say something about how this is inevitable. He does this on purpose. He runs a cult. Everybody starts somewhere.
You have to hold back losing it on him because he doesn't seem to understand you are long past the isolation period of thinking him a God. You used to believe that, but not anymore. You used to feel dirty every time you took up his time, like the greatest sin you've committed, and you still revel in it. You are the mortal who dragged him from his place, and you will never truly allow him to leave you behind if he should leave this world. You must keep leaving him gifts and perhaps borrowing his personal items right under his nose. Couples share everything, don't they?
── ୨୧:shikama dōji
You're such a mild inconvenience to his plans that he almost doesn't even notice after a while, letting you indulge yourself as you ignore every single boundary he sets out for you. The only reason he sits you down and scolds you is that you got too close to something he's not eager to share. You follow his word like law. Once he figures out there is nothing you wouldn't do for him, there is seldom a thing he won't do to you. You are his everything, and not in a good way; his plaything is a better description.
He finds your infatuation with him to be of enough interest as it is, but you also pose a very good catalyst for all of his other questions about humans as well. At his fingertips is someone who would do anything that he asks in order to please him. You had better be good and do whatever he wants, and you might be rewarded for it, and though he's quite selfish to do this only for him, he is very good at pleasing you for your troubles. He won't make any exception for you, not when he's prizing you above the rest, which he reminds you is not to be treated lightly. It isn't fair for only you to get happiness, is it?
If keeping you on a chain makes you behave, even if you begin to grow bored of your obsession with him (which he doubts you will), he's become far too interested in what made you this way. He wants to know how far he can push, how long it will take you to fall out of this 'love', how much he can taunt you and use you for his own sick amusement. Not for the same reasons as you, but your reasons certainly make it easier.
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heeyimash · 6 months
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Tell em girl 🗣️🗣️🗣️
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amethystroselily · 5 months
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It’s kind of funny how it seemed like Saito had this huge mysterious goal and then it turned out he literally just has daddy issues, and then for a while it seems like Ferid just had daddy issues but it turns out he actually has this insane grand scheme and the saito revenge stuff is probably just a side project.
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greenapplebling · 2 years
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Ignore me, I'm just here stanning characters just for their beauty bc I'm shallow (?
Old post from my instagram
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black-sapphire57 · 1 year
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If I’m dead dead dead honest! I never really cared about Angel Mikaela until this very moment. He’s so kept in the dark and innocent that it’s practically a crime to have killed him (ironic how it’s not) I don’t hate either him or Paimon.
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yuiphantomhive123 · 2 years
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Yu has Always Thought Mika is Pretty!
Evidence:
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He said Angel Michaela was Like Mika only ‘prettier’.
Notice the ‘er’ in prettier meaning ‘even more’
Yu has always thought Mika was beautiful.
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Shikama looked more androgynous before
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rkoradiopictures · 1 year
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iloveyanderes · 2 years
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Same person, different names, and white haired that's braided(heard online that arlecchino might have hidden braid we didn't see)
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The rulers of evil, white haired, unhinged Manics, otherwise known as my type of person.
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lostsoulaltair · 9 months
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Owari no Seraph Chapter 133 - Analysis & Review
Hello everyone, it's been a goddamn while; I've been busy with things, also learning constantly a new language; thus, given that I did like the latest chapter, I wanted to talk or discuss about it; as always, feel free to discuss, disagree, or share your thoughts; though of course, the only thing I request is respect.
Thus let's proceed
A destroyed world a talk about the "meaning of life" & "what it means to live". At the end, we're young.
The chapter might joke a lot between the girl's conversation which it might feel unnecesary or perhaps not worth it but given how the two characters were build; Shinoa is the type of character that does know when there's certain tension when someone is concerned about her.
But let's focus on something more important; the chapter begins with Mitsuba finally finding Shinoa who has been far away from her squad after Guren, Mahiru, Krul and company left to most likely the place where Yuu is.
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Mitsuba after for so long finally made an appearance which is something I'm glad for; and as a good friend, she shows her concern given that she's never seen Shinoa act out of her usual demanor.
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Something that I do find adorable is the very fact that Mitsuba is trying to be supportive given that there is a weight being carried on Shinoa's shoulders; while it's true Shinoa has never spoken about what she endured as a child; Mitsuba does want to understand her friend and no matter what might happen, they're there for her.
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Thus leading to the next panel; Shinoa has always seen herself as a character with no value or rather, that thanks to her existance, the lives of innocents were screwed given that she was compatible with the monster that made sure the world ended in the way it is.
But once again, Mitsuba does convey the message of how Yoichi, Kimizuki and her feel towards her given that there's absolutely no one to reasure her that her life is as valuable as others.
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And of course, we got the author with its weird interest on female bodies but; jokes aside from such panel; there's an aspect of truth to it. They are teenagers, they're no longer kids; they're characters that were forced to grow up at a very young age, forced to change to endure all the struggles of their surroundings to the point they had to mimic adults in a sense.
Many might find it pointless, boring, and perhaps even unrelated but the very fact that they touched the emotions of Shinoa does lead to a heavier topic.
Such topic is reflected in the next panel:
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While it's true that Yuu has constantly talked about "a reason to live", "family", "friends", etc. Yuu does not know the weight of those words; he says he's going to save everyone, but in order to save somoene, there are consequences, losses and the sort in such path; nothing can be obtained for free in life and that's something that perhaps he might face eventually.
Returning with the squad, Mitsuba at first dismisses such question about the "meaning of life".
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There is a huge relevance to the question; and this of course, reflects to the very first issue; that they've been working on how to save their lives that they haven't ever thought about themselves.
While it is very common to see that whenever someone says "that person thinks about themselves" it can come in a negative connotation; but that's not entirely the case; there's a difference between being selfish and understanding one's self.
When it comes to being selfish, it does relate about not caring a bit about what your actions may eventually do to others, how much harm you may cause due to them, willingly or not; it is literally dismissing a reason to as to why there may be something halting something one may want.
But, when it comes to understanding one's self; it is not only a superfitial level of understanding; it is knowing what one person may want, may long, may fight for, what may make them sad, what may anger them, etc.
In this case, Mitsuba realized that she has never given a deep thought to what she, as Mitsuba Sanguu truthfully wants. She grew up to be a soldier, to battle every time in order to protect those who couldn't protect themselves but with the development of the squad, it was not just a journey of sticking together, it was a journey of finding out that love can develop after getting to meet someone.
Eventually, Mitsuba does understand that it's not the typical joke mood or non serious conversation but rather a very important one.
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In the next panel, Mitsuba's first longing or desire was to be acknowledged or to be validated. To be recognized; which of course, Shinoa mentions that she does understand that and it is true; Shinoa as a child did want validation from everyone or rather, instead of the term "validation", what it is more proper is "recognition or acknowledgement of existance".
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True, in the current chapter Shinoa mentions she was luckier given that they never bothered with her; there's a difference between Mitsuba and Shinoa, which was showing what they could do in order to seek that. Mitsuba tried her best to show that she too held talent; alas with Shinoa, she simply ditched the idea, there was no reason to even fight about it.
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But thanks to the very fact that she remembered what Mahiru did even if I too, agree that it was a really harsh method; she did know that at least someone cared about her existance.
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Mitsu states that Shinoa was loved in contrast to her that no one loved her; which makes Shinoa to reasure her that she does love Mitsuba. And of course, while it's true that the original source uses the kanji Ai (愛) it does not carry a romantic context (Yes I've been studying if you wonder and there's still a longer way ahead).
Shinoa is reasuring Mitsuba that she too is loved; just like how Mitsuba expressed on her best way that Yoichi, Kimizuki and her cared about Shinoa's safety; Shinoa too knows that the squad itself cares about each other; after all, they're a small family that can only encourage each other to keep going.
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But here comes something important that perhaps it might be to personal interpretation but Shinoa does state something important:
Because love exists for someone, it does not mean that's the sole reason to the meaning of life or for a reason to live.
What does that mean?
Us as humans, be in the different envioroments we end up growing, we end up finding purposes for our existance, sometimes it takes longer, other times we have certainty that we found out what we want to do with our lives; along such trail, we will find friends, perhaps a person we might fall in love; we might suffer about a heartbreak or two or so on; but despite that, it's a path we've chosen to walk because very independent of the bonds we forge along the way; there are things we want to do out there, we long for new experiences, new insights, new spots to visit, and of course, we can never suspend the time; we grow up, we mature, we gain interest in other things as we grow which is visible how from childhood, we change a lot when we become teenagers, so as adults too, we change.
In Shinoa's case, she is truthful that she does not find value to her life, given how many chains of events involving her lead to misfortune for others; but despite that, she is thankful that there are people out there that do love her despite the harm her existance may has brought up upon Earth.
Nevertheless, we get a follow up, once Shinoa expressed herself, Mitsuba asks her directly about Yuu's acknowledgement, recognition or validation. Which of course, she responds honestly to it.
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It hurts; and it is natural that it hurts her; it's the first time she fell in love with someone but not in the same way Mahiru did, not in the same turn of events Mahiru went through; after all, it's something I'll discuss a bit further from here. Let's continue.
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Shinoa eases the mood by asking Mitsuba about how she feels towards Yuu which of course she knows very well that she too has a crush on him. But despite that many might feel the conversation as pointless, there's something certain to the panel itself; it is letting the weight and torment of many mixed emotions go, finally opening up to someone who understands you, to have someone you can trust unconditionally.
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The mood eventually soothes to the point the two of them are in peace; having talked about such things when they've never had the opportunity to act like teenage girls, it was a rather refreshing experience for them.
I can't say that's correct or not but even in movies that face the end of the world, characters tend to talk about things they long to do and the sort.
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Once Mitsuba asks Shinoa about her first real reason to live; one could understand that it is left to free interpretation given that both girls are simply enjoying their youth; they still haven't found a very truthful reason as to why they're there but for now; they did understand something.
Life is not just about existance, it's more than just hoping validation or acknowledgment, it is akin to what exactly you want to experience, it is about what you want to do instead of what others want you to do.
This leads to the new path I've mentioned before and this shall be discussed in the next point
Moving onwards to a new goal
After a girl's talk; Mitsuba points out about Shinoa's talent that is way above Mahiru's; such talent has always been hinted since the LNs were created.
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Shinoa mentions that given that at that time she lacked a motive along goals within her reach; and of course, even Shikama pointed it out that she lacked desires, there was not so much she could do despite being more powerful than Mahiru, nevertheless, Mitsuba is aware Shinoa has gained something she lacked from the very beginning. Confidence.
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This leads for Shinoa to have a discussion with her squad, but of course, they were eavesdropping the girls; they gave them their privacy. While they too are clumsy, reckless, immature in general, they too understand that people need some time alone to recollect their thoughts; they understand that there are things that sometimes can only be discussed with a certain someone not because of a lack of interest but rather because there is something that can be conveyed way better.
But very independent of that, it just reflects that Yoichi and Kimizuki have been worried as well about the girls after Yuu's departure along Guren and Vampires.
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The next scene is actually something I am rather thankful that I actually thought I'd never see in the story in general; and that is the very fact that they're taking independent action for once; they're no longer following Guren's orders, they're no longer following a vampire's guidance that ends up falling in Guren's hand or Shikama's; nor they are following Yuu's wishes but rather; they're trying to open up a new path but exclusively for what they do label as "family".
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Within the squad members, Kimizuki, Yoichi and Mitsuba long to see their families back due to the unfair deaths they had; Shinoa despite not having someone to call family or rather simply accepting the course of nature; she does want to see her friends having their families back, she has seen them struggle, she has seen the desperation of Kimizuki, the longing of Yoichi to have a miracle granted. But instead of following someone else's agenda given that Guren and Mahiru do have knowledge that they simply won't share to the squad; it is the first step for them to walk and open a new path for them.
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Shinoa is very aware that their knowledge is limited, along the fact that they're not on an equal ground in terms of power; but given that now she does have confidence and something else; as I mentioned briefly in the other point; Shinoa has a deep understanding that the actions her sister took, do not defind her present or future nor how she will eventually turn out; such outcomes are only decided by her alone and if she wants to create a path along her friends, she has to fight for it giving away for the first time, the real power she has within her.
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The very fact that Kiseki-O and Gekkouin were manifested by force instead by their wielders says something about what Shikama sought with Shinoa, what could it be?
Correct. Shikama or Sika Madu, was once an angel that served God but due to his arrogance, he lost his path leading to his eternal punishment for it; but even still, even if the angels that fell with him deemed or viewed him as a God. There was something even the reincarnations of such Fallen Angels were never subjected to.
Absolute control.
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And thanks to reading the RAW version of the catastrophe at 16 manga; the purpose of Mahiru and Shinoa at the beginning was to control the punishment the Seraph of the End experiment held. But in contrast to Mahiru; Shinoa was born capable to control demons, she was capable of seeing them from a very young age but given that she has motivation along an objective; that power finally has shined. Leading to a new battle:
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Perhaps you, dear readers may wonder how Shinoa was able to connect with Shikama despite him sending her off or cutting their ties; and of course, she does mention there was a small connection; truth to be told; even if Shikama wanted, she was born with him; they were together ever since she came to existance, hence that even if he tried to severe his ties to her, there will be something chaining him down.
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And of course, the battle between Shinoa and Shikama has begun
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Shikama gave away his power for light BUT, given that Shinoa could devour such darkness; it can only lead this
All the power that came from God's light may be stored in Shinoa's body and as they say, even if darkness tries to consume light; light always finds a way to cast aside the shadows that darkness creates.
Quite long huh? What do you think?
Let me know!!
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aroace-ferid-bathory · 5 months
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i am once again thinking about the fact that ferid bathory and sika madu look alike. rigr stafford what were you cooking. you cannot tell me this man full-time focuses on his daddy issues and didn't notice that. do you think he liked to brush ferid's hair. do you think he pretended it wasn't ferid.
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slyfire · 2 years
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pink manga mika & shikama dōji icons~
truly what's better than a pink parent/child duo?
feel free to use these icons without credit.
all artwork/renders used are from the official manga.
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bigbrainbiology · 2 years
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I've always wanted to have the motivation to redraw this art <3 (or a part of it anyway XD) A gift for Shinomiya over on twitter ^v^
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amethystroselily · 6 months
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It pretty much feels Rigr was really just out here dodging his two bitter exes while focusing full time on his daddy issues for about one thousand years and that is deeply compelling to me.
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