#Sigh thoughts😮‍💨😖

[mushyroom-stories]

Imagine Husband!Alcazar

Rated 18+ — mature short content ahead

Husband!Alcazar xF!skinnyreader IMAGINE

CW: mature content, fluffy scenes, swearing(?), use of Google translate.

a/n: english is not my native language so pls be kind if I have misspelled anything, and this is actually my first time writing some imagines just hope I won't mess it up. Enjoy reading(or not):)

✧ Husband!Alcazar that loves you so much, he decided to spoil you every single day. He buys you expensive gifts, gifts that are not yet released, gifts that are rare to find or even hard to buy. You always told him, "Baby, don't spend that much money on me." Well, after you said that, let's just say you forgot you even mentioned it. Who could blame you? He was pounding into your cunt like a wolf in heat. Feeling up your walls so good, making you forget everything you say or even mentioned, just how he likes it.

✧ Husband!Alcazar Who just absolutely loves groping your boobs. You have body insecurities, but he is right there, usually touching all over you reminding you that your always gorgeous, making sure nothing is left untouched. "Fuck, Милая, you look gorgeous today," he says, having eyes on you with hunger and literally being able to become a predator anytime just by looking at you wearing that dress(a/n: that he bought just for you, did I say it's limited edition?). "You always say that, babe, but how do I really look?" you ask, somewhat sounding nervous. His big hand strokes your flat chest, groping it affectionately. "I told you-you're gorgeous, Любимая. Forget the party. I want you right here, right now." He's a sweetheart, although you can hardly walk for two days afterwards, but who cares?.

✧ Husband!Alcazar Who will take risks being able to fuck you anywhere-on the stairs, kitchen, living room, porch, backyard, his office, etc. This man has a high sex drive and can go multiple rounds without even finishing after the first two. That just shows how much he loves you, pleasuring you first until his satisfied❤️

✧ Husband!Alcazar Who's very clingy with you. The second you go to the bathroom after finishing up, he immediately carries you to the bed to cuddle. This man is not shy about showing PDA with you; he’s always touching your hand, shoulder, lower back, hips, and hugging you from behind. In short, he is very clingy with you.

✧ Husband!Alcazar Who buys you lingerie on your birthday, valentines, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. But oh, how he absolutely loves the lingerie that he bought for you on Halloween and Christmas. Pounding into your cunt like a mad man, your moans and skin slapping filling up the room, "that's right Милая, cum for me." He said in a lowly tone, his fingers playing with your clit, you were shaking letting out a big moan as you came down from your orgasm, his cock and fingers now coated from your cum "fuck, ты выглядишь так великолепно, кончая на меня вот так" before following suit after you, filling you up with his hot seed. Sigh, thoughts.😮‍💨

[parksunghoonism]

rant about k-pop fanfiction in general.

Nothing in this post is going to be as serious as my last one, it’s just a couple of petty things I personally like / don’t like when I’m scrolling through tags, hehe. + lots of emojis and memes.

When the smut isn’t tagged properly

What I mean by when smut isn’t tagged properly is that, sometimes writers, instead of telling you what’s in the actual work, they’ll simply put: “This is (insert xyz) we’re talking about! That should be warning enough.” And it pisses me off to an irrational degree, and I’ve blocked people because of it, I’m not sorry.

When writers use korean girls as a faceclaim for their fanfiction / use korean titles

I don’t know what it is, but whenever I read a fanfiction where the author uses a korean girl, or another female idol as a face claim, I just can’t read it, because girlie, I am tall; brown-skin; black curly hair; I look nothing like that member of new jeans. Trust. 🤣

Now, the only time I understand the use of other korean customs is in fanfictions where the reader themselves is an idol. Other than that, it lowkey cringes me out when I’m reading something and it says ‘Hyung.’ 😖

One the flip side, I do love when the writer openly admits what I’m about to read is just a self-insert. It makes me giggle. 🤭🤭🤭

Random thoughts

I’m super picky about what I read. And when I’m scrolling through tags and half of what I see is just smut, I die a little inside. I don’t want to know how Jay’s [redacted] tastes, I want to know the flavor of ice cream I’m eating when me and Sunoo go on a cute little date! 😭😭

Or you could have the prettiest post I’ve ever seen in my life, with every damn trope I love, but you use a period instead of a question mark when writing. Ex: “(Random sentence), do you.” Taking in a deep sigh before I force my hands through my screen and violently shake the writer’s shoulders. 😮‍💨

Me, because half the Enhypen fandom is over 21 and (rightfully) don’t write for Riki because he’s only 18: 😩🥲🫠😓😿😾🤬

Me, because half of the Enhypen fandom only writes for Heeseung, Jay, Jake, or Sunghoon: 😩🥲🫠😓😿😾🤬

When I’m reading an smau or texts and the author makes the members call the reader cringey pet names:

*Cough* Good girl *Cough*

Also, what’s up with all the school AU’s? Half of these idols couldn’t even tell you what an adverb is. 😅

I don’t believe in ‘situationships.’ You are either together or friends. You’re dumb as fuck if you think just talking to someone means you’re exclusive. People need to just drop that word, because holy shit is pisses me off when I read it. 😭

When writers use manga panels when writing smut and one of them says ‘onii-chan’: 🤢🤮

When I look up a group I like and see incest:

If you like incest just know I think you’re god damn disgusting. ‘B- but it’s not real-!🥺” We as humans are genetically wired to find our relatives unattractive. Shut the fuck up and admit you’re just a weirdo who’s so god damn desperate to have sex you’d fuck someone who came out the same vagina and ballsack you did. Nasty-ass, I wouldn’t touch your stank self with a twenty-foot pole.

EDITS: October 31st.

Me when someone writes about readers with a fuller figure / chubby body, and they keep saying ‘soft’ — ‘more of you to hold’ — ‘cuddly’:

I block. Because I know damn well half of y’all writing that shit ain’t got that body. It’s overused. It’s boring. It’s weird. It’s simply not the compliment you think it is.

EDITS: November 3rd.

Me when writers use art that doesn’t belong to them, and it took me a literal five seconds to find the artist with a reverse search on google:

And half the time these is the same fuckers saying “Don’t repost my work, please!!😛🥰🥺” Then don’t fucking use someone else’s without credit or permission. Like damn, you can’t say one thing, and then immediately do it the next. These hypocrites also get blocked by me.

— Have a nice day everyone. ❤️

[zoeykallus]

Could I request a scenario with the bad batch with an extremely tall s/o? ( like almost 7ft tall ).

Like, during a conversation or an argument s/o is standing at their full height and giving their man a tender look. 😖💕 I’d also would like to know ( if you could please ) if any of the boys like or are into a taller s/o.

If you can’t then that’s alright, I’ve just been craving this specific dynamic recently.

( love you’re work btw! And a happy upcoming holidays if you celebrate!!! )

( just give me this please 🙏😮‍💨 )

Aloha!

Firstly, sorry you had to wait so long! Wow, that's tall! But you still wouldn't be taller than Wrecker though... would you? I guess this works best with Hunter and Echo, the rest isn't that much smaller... But you said 'The Batch' so I guess you want all of them in this scenario. I hope I'm not messing this up 😅

The Bad Batch x Very Tall Reader HCs - Someone To Look Up To

Fluff/Slightly Suggestive In parts

___________

Hunter

You guys have a little disagreement. Hunter gets up from the bunk he was sitting on and stands in front of you. You look down at him with your arms crossed. Your posture may be stern, but your gaze is gentle.

He looks up at you, sighs, and rolls his eyes, but with a smile.

"Would you please stop looking at me like that? You know I can't resist that look."

Of course, you know that, and a smirk twitches at the corner of your mouth. You finally lean forward and gently rest your forehead against his.

"Let's not fight."

Hunter says, "Let's not argue at all."

You ask with a soft laugh, "Do you have something better in mind?"

His smirk widens before he replies, "Definitely."

Echo

With a sigh, Echo throws his arms in the air and says, "I'm just concerned for your safety. You should have told me you were traveling for Cid, her missions are rarely without danger."

You smile and say, "It was just a simple delivery after all, I'm back here and in one piece."

Echo rubs his hand wearily over his face.

"I'm very glad about that," he says, finally breathing a sigh of relief.

You get up from your seat and face him. Your fingers gently move under his chin and lift it slightly so that he looks up at you.

"I'm here, Echo, and I'm fine."

He sighs softly and his expression softens. A small smile appears on his lips.

"I know, but you know what I'm talking about too, don't you?"

"Of course, honey"

He gently but firmly grabs your collar and pulls you close, his lips gently touching yours before he says, "Just let me know beforehand next time, and I'll come with you."

Wrecker

There are not many people who can look him straight in the eye without tilting their head back. But you stand right in front of him at eye level and look at him challengingly.

A smirk twitches at the corners of his mouth, one brow slowly moves upward.

"What are you up to, Mesh'la?" he asks, amused.

"I was thinking of wearing high heels today when we go out".

You slip on said shoes and show them to him.

"What do you think?"

You're actually a few inches taller than him. Other men might be uncomfortable right now, but not Wrecker. He grins at you, his gaze wandering admiringly down your body.

"Looks gorgeous," he says honestly, "But maybe we'll stay home today and wear the shoes anyway, just the shoes."

You chuckle softly.

"Wrecker, you naughty boy"

In his gaze you see that he adores you, he admires you. You kiss him on the forehead and say, "Let's see, maybe we'll go out and afterward, when we come back, I'll wear only these shoes for you".

He smirks.

"Deal"

Tech

"Tech"

He blinks, looks up from his holopad, and sees you standing there with your hands on your hips. His gaze wanders up to your face.

"Yes?"

"I thought this was our day, you and me, without the datapad".

Tech turns off the datapad with a sigh, slips it back on his belt, and adjusts his goggles.

"Sorry, force of habit"

You reach for the pad, take it off his belt and put it in his bunk.

"This stays here today"

Tech follows your doing with his gaze and sighs again. He can't remember the last time he didn't have this datapad with him. He feels incomplete.

"Feels, oddly naked," he says uncertainly.

You smile at him as he slowly looks back up at you, looking a little helpless.

"If you go out with me tonight without that thing, I'll show you the pleasant way to be naked when we get back".

"What way would that b- oooh, I see. I don't object to that," Tech says, his cheeks flushing softly.

You lift his chin an leave a soft kiss on his warm lips.

"Come on, Tech, time for our evening".

With a shy little smirk, he replies, "Yes, Mesh'la"

Crosshair

He looks pissed, but so do you.

You are facing each other and both have your arms crossed.

He grumbles, "Is the air so thin up there that you don't get enough oxygen? Why the hell didn't you tell me about this before?"

"Hey, watch your mouth! It was never necessary, it's in my past and has nothing to do with you"

"Then why is your ex-husband suddenly showing up here?"

"He's a senator, he works here, it has nothing to do with me or you. How can you be so jealous!!!"

Crosshair snorts, "I'm not jealous."

"Yes you are and not just a little bit," you say sternly.

Again Crosshair snorts, he grits his teeth, you can see his jaw muscles working.

You step towards him, unfold your arms and grab his chin with one hand, forcing him to look up at you.

"Look at me, Crosshair"

His gaze is sharp as it meets yours, but also unexpectedly vulnerable.

Your expression softens as you say, "It doesn't matter who he is, what he does, or why he's here. As I said, he belongs to the past. I love you and nothing will change that."

With a mix of defiance, affection and doggedness he says, "You are mine".

You nod.

"Indeed."

He takes a deep breath, finally relaxes a bit and says softly, "Good" before giving you his famous cheeky smirk.

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@allsystemsblue

@palliateclaws

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@extrahotpixels

@hated-by-me

@hunterxcrosshair

@malicemercy

@bebopsworld

@echos-girlfriend

@taskfork-archive

@cpnt616

@starwarsnerd111

[inspiredwriter]

Yoshi :*juega con sus juguetes*¡ríndese malvados Por qué mi padre Ninja va a vencerlos en el nombre de la justicia! 😄😁🦸‍♂️🦹‍♂️✨

Stefany :*deja su libro y mira a yoshi*jajaja mira cielo yoshi qué eres un verdadero héroe 🥰😉💕💗

Leonardo :*deja su libro en la mesa* Pues lo sé mi amor soy un héroe y mi hijo me quiere porque soy un héroe de la ciudad 😏😁🦸‍♂️✨es igual que me lo dijo Leidy cuando era pequeña ☺️😚👧💖💝

Yoshi :*deja sus juguetes en la mesa* mami, Papi cuándo volverá mi hermana mayor de su vigilancia Es que quiero decir algo muy importante😄😃

Stefany :*deja su libro en la mesa* aún no cariño tu hermana volverá un poco más de la noche pero podría decirnos ahora😊😌🌃

Leonardo : es cierto campeón porque vemos que estás muy emocionado toda el noche pues decimos le dirás a tu hermana más tarde 😏😉

Yoshi : está bien se los diré ahora porque quiero algo importante del mundo 😃😁🌏✨*se para del suelo* ¡Mami, Papi quiero tener un hermano! 😊👶

@inspiredwriter

Leonardo and Stefany: *Blushes* Huh?!...😳😧💘💕

Leonardo: S-son, please repeat what you just s-said?..😳😬

Yoshi: I want to have a brother!😆👶✨

Leonardo: *Swallows nervously* Well, Yoshi, it's not such a simple process, because when a human and a turtle love each other, they go to bed and...😬😅🛏💞

Stefany: *Closes Leo's mouth with her hand* Shhh, daddy, Yoshi is still too young for this...🤫😳💦 *Looks at Yoshi* Sunny, why do you need a younger brother if you already have cousins ​​Sandro and Titian?..😅👦🧒

Yoshi: *Climbs on the bed and hugs Stefany* But mommy, I want to have my own little brother😟👶 There are so few boys in our family😔🥺

Leonardo: We...😖 *Sighs* Ha-ha, my mother and I will think about this issue, but for now, my son, run quickly to the exit, Leidy has probably already arrived there😄😮‍💨

Yoshi: Yes, sir!😆😃🏃‍♂️✨ *Runs away from the room*

*A few hours later in the bedroom*

Stefany: Yoshi sure made us blush with his request🤗🤭👚 *Takes off her shirt*

Leonardo: By the way, I wanted to talk about this, darling😕 *Whispers in Stefany's ear* Really, let's try to have another baby~😏😈💖💓💗 I mean, it will be good for Yoshi...😳😁 In our family, really, there are not many boys for him to play with...😅

Stefany: Well, you're probably right, honey🤔🥰👙💕 *Takes off her bra and lies down on the bed* So come here quickly, handsome~😍😈💘💝💓💞

Leonardo: *Takes off his pants* Mmmh, haha, I won't need a condom this night😏😈👖💖💝💗💕

Yoshi: *Gets out of bed and goes to the wall* Huh, sis, I thought I heard some strange sounds from the mommy and daddy's room😧🤨🔇

@swagtreecrown

[noellllslut]

I strongly agree with every single one. i cant stress this enough.

we got undercut hyun with ponytail combo for what A DAY??? This still blows my mind. I thought we had something special😖 Not over it.

Felix stripping like a slut on stage quite honestly broke Stayville, and he’s here trying to act innocent. 🤬🤬🤬Not over it.

I will never get over hyuno trouble maker. I revisit those clips when I get hangry. It was great while it lasted. Not over it.

S-class vmas remix ?!?!!!!? Not over it. They deserve the best gawk of their lives for that.

Felix once again dropping fandom shattering pics and acting like he didn’t just break the internet😔Not over it.

Social path will forever be screamed at the top of my lungs and no one can sell me it’s supposed to be sang otherwise. Not over it.

ROCK-AIDBKENDOSNSKW STAR-EISBDOSBDOSS HAN-AGSHSJWJXBWJDBS. Ughies, sigh. Han jisung did it for me again. My hannie folder is overflowing with rockstar han. Not over it. 🫦

3racha at global citizen🥹 my babies did so well so proud<33 still not over it they looked so good.

Blonde innie. SIGH wrecked me. Not over it 😛

The fucking Chan pic?!!? Binnie knew what he was doing when he posted it. Not over it.

MINHOS PHOTOSHOOT IM- *dies* NOT OVER IT.

Changbins I’ll be your man rap ?!?? He never fails to impress me 🤌mwah. Not over it

The fucking ad and Minho - AGHHH. “Ayen” TAKE MY SOUL NOW🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️Still not over it.

Also lollapalooza Han 🫠 lollapalooza EVERYONE. 🫠🫠🫠 that Paris air was HITTIN 😮‍💨 NOT OVER IT.

MY PACE MINHO. NOT OVER IT.

MY PACE HAN. NOT OVER IT.

ahem.

things i believe we moved on too fast from :

undercut hyunjin. like???? with the ponytail combo????? hello.

caramel hair seungmin. (yes im still not over him)

felix basically stripping on stage???? the angel wings tattoo on his back? what was the purpose of that if not to kill me

hyunho trouble maker????????? this was a fever dream

DLMLU????? the sound album deserves BETTER (honorable mention to my girlie there)

sclass vmas remix. THE PURE GENIUS OF 3RACHA

this felix picture, like ok? wtf?

social path. hello. HELLO. that song is a masterpiece omg

rockstar han. rockstar han. the way he leaned onto the mic stand??? yup im still there

3racha global citizen performance. i actually died.

blonde innie. like the earth shattered when he had that hair color im sorry

hyunjin esquire photoshoot. i revisit this shoot 5 times a day

THIS chan pic like do yall not remember it randomly and get cold sweats??????

also MINHO'S PHOTOSHOOT??????????? tl did not talk ENOUGH about this madness.

changbin's rap in I'll be ur man performance. THE WAY HE RAPPED IT SOLO WHEN IT WAS MEANT FOR TWO PPL.

that ad minho and innie did and minho yelling "I.N!" like yes i still rewatch that ad and replay that part 10 times before moving on I'm guilty ur honor

[hae-ter]

nct nation 2023 concert highlights (mine!)

intro was SICKENING

N N NEO GOT MY BACK CULTURE THANGS TECH TECH ON MY MIND

the switch off to the original neos for 7th sense 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

LIMITLESS (esp that last break)

JUST ALL OF DOYOUNG. PERIOD. everything. everything about him.

they hyped up performing 2baddies it made it 10x more enjoyable, insane energy

THE BAT. i. i dont . i dont know where to even start with this . absolutely--- jaw dropped thru the entire thing and even thru multiple songs after. main course of the night. i just-- idk. idk. im still speechless.

BAGGY JEANS OH THEYRE SO BACK T7S UNIT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO SO LONG

baby dont stop to THAT MF TRANSITION TO CALL D taetennn aaaaaaaaaaah😖

boss doyoung🥺

golden age doyoung hitting taeil's note😐

doyoung everything tonight omfg i cannot speak abt him enough

the bad:

all vcrs were saaaaaaaaauur boringg

missed moon taeil every second😢

hc's perf in its entirety......just my thoughts ok but. sigh wont lie disappointed there was just lot left to be desired . i enjoyed watching him tho he did good.

[gothsuguru]

ARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I FUCKING LOVE YOU <333 also methinks this pic is very US <3

ARI 🥹🩷 I LOVE YOU LIKE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU MEAN 2 ME AND HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS/COMMENTS LIKE <333 sniffling……. sobbing……. smooching your brain pleek know that i am holding your hand rn <3 LIKE DOES ARINATION KNOW THAT I LOVE THEM SO MUCH??? THEY BETTER 🗣️🗣️🗣️ sniffling i adore you so much & omg thank you again for taking the time to write all of this i know it takes a while to do it so the fact that you even DID it makes me sniffle <3 love you adore you would die for you etc… SMOOCH <3 🩷💋

knuckle kisses are a favorite of mine they’re just so full of devotion so pure in a way … love how often they appeared in the fic and how soft they make him 🥺🥺

- A FELLOW KNUCKLE KISS LOVER 🤝 i agree wholeheartedly omfg it’s literally one of THEE most devoted acts someone can do it’s just SO intimate…….. makes me go insane <3 AND AHHHHHH i’m so glad you caught that! i really wanted to introduce a knuckle kiss in every section whether it be a quick one/one that is very intimate……. bc at the end of the day sugu is gonna be soft for it no matter what 🤭

I LOVEEEEE UR DESCRIPTIONS I LOVE UR IMAGERY (<- will be repeating this often i think BUT I MEAN IT OK) and ohhhhh my fucking god kairo….. one thing abt ur sugu is that he is a SAP and that’s canon to me. u Get him. HE’S SUCHHHH A ROMANTIC THE PROMISE RINGS W UR BIRTHSTONES????? ack i’m just . the way every single he does has a thought behind it… a sentiment….. he’s the sweetest ever :(((

- THANK YOU SM I WAS SO WORRIED ABT THAT SO YOU SAYING THAT YOU LIKED THEM 😮‍💨 WHEW THANK GOD. AGREED HE’S 1000000% A SENTIMENTALIST SAP <3 and soooooo FKN romantic like……… the aquamarine birthstone shook me at first i like ofc his birthstone is a bright blue gem (satosugu soulmatism) and YES intertwining his birthstone w reader’s is so <333 devotion on 100 <3

i truly do adore ur writing….. it blows my MIND that this is ur first real fic like u are so talented. it makes me sick to my stomach actually. i need to give u the nobel prize in literature these words of praise wont do …. 😞😞😞 AND AHEHWHDHHDHFHDHFHFH THE TONGUE PIERCINGGGGGGGG THE ARI/KAIRO HIVEMIND IS SO REAL i love. ur sugu. not just the mental descriptions but the physical too. like the piercings…. the tattoos…. sigh. he’s so sexy it makes me angry. and the way he gets shyyyy 🥺🥺🥺 he’s a baby . our baby

- NOBEL PRIZE OF LITERATURE NEEDS TO GO TO YOU FOR EVERY SINGLE FIC YOU’VE WRITTEN/WILL WRITE. i need you to know the gingko tree comparison in your kenny fic stays in my brain………. your words are soooo powerful they literally infiltrate my every thought i’m NAWT kidding. AND DJJDJDJDJDJD TONGUE PIERCING YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT I LOVE MY MEN TATTED/PIERCED/SCARRED UP 🤭🤝 sugu is so sexy it makes me need my inhaler………….

had to take a breather after this literally nothing gets me as weak as flower imagery + ribcage imagery and when they’re COMBINED?? i feel ill. i feel like a sheet of paper abt to be blown away into the sunset.

- I LOOOOOOOVE RIBCAGE IMAGERY AND I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THE FLOWER IMAGERY TOO!!!!!! daffodils……. sugu’s birth flower…….. sniffles <3 I ALSO FEEL LIKE A SHEET OF PAPER ABT TO BLOWN AWAY INTO THE SUNSET……. ari do you ever feel like……………… a plastic bag……. drifting thru the wind….. wanting 2 start again 😖😖😖

AND READER ;;;;; they’re so devoted i love the direction u took with them they rlly do feel like his knight in shining armor…. they’re both so smitten and protective and nurturing and it makes me soo :((( so emotional. i think sugu is the most devoted man alive so to be w someone who returns that treatment!!! …….. they could fix him idc

- THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!!!!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA OMG 🥹🥰 i’m BEYOND ecstatic that you loved the direction of a devoted!reader bc i, in my heart of hearts, believe that suguru needs someone as devoted as him in his life + he needs someone he can tend to/have a silly lil s/o…….. like he LOVES being a nurturer <3 AND YESSSSS they’re both sooooo smitten & protective of another they make me insane. reader is so crazy watch them make him worse and he’s just like :3 love my baby <3

this genuinely made me melt into a puddle MY PRETTY LITTLE BABY… THE HEADPATS….. MY WEAKNESSES i started purring i won’t lie. humans can’t purr but i rlly did. aaaaa and the way reader just melts….. 🥺🥺 they’re the cutest little guy ever and sugu just loves babying them sm… they’re my everything……….

- PLEEK READER IS JUST A LITTLE GUY……… A LIL GOOBER……….. i’m such a SUCKER for any rendition of “my pretty little _” it itches my brain so good <3 & HE’S SUCH A HEAD PATTER he loves praising his s/o <3 AND YESSSSS YOU GET IT HE LOOOOOOVES BABYING THEM methinks it’s his favorite pastime <3

this is canon to me btw sugu 100% kisses just like this like he’s so intense in a way but also so soft?? def the type to kiss u until ur brain is all fuzzy and he has to cradle u so so softly or else u’ll just crumble into a pile of mush ….

- MHMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. INTENSE BUT SOFT. SOOOOOO HIMMMMMMMM. omfg don’t get me started………. i have an image in my brain where reader is in his lap and he’s cradling them while they’re kissing and it makes me crazy…….. reader’s brain is so hazy and suguru needs to hold them lest they Faint And Pass Out in the arms of a bad bitch…….. like how embarrassing would that be omfg </3

SO CUTEEEE i love how this fic is just BRIMMING w gifts!!!! things u get sugu, things he got u, things haibara and nanami got him, things u get satoru .. etc etc etc. there were so many mentions of things being given and it’s just so :((( this fic is just dripping w love and care …. it means sm to meee

- WEEEEEEE (imagine i’m on a swing and saying that) I’M SO GLAD YOU CAUGHT THAT!!!!!! i think they’re both suchhhhhhhh gift-givers that’s DEFFO one of their love languages! always getting e/o something whether it be big or small just to let the other person know they’re thinking of them! AND YESSSSSS the besties are no exception <3 hainana giving sugu a personalized gift and reader giving toru flowers/desserts 🥹🥹🥹 thank you for saying that the fic is dripping w love and care omfg that means the WORLD to me

ALSOOOOO THE TOJI CHARM PDHKFVFKFJF OH I KNOW HE WAS FUMING …… silly little man getting jealous over a hot anime guy…. reader only has eyes for u dummy !! (idk abt kairo though i think ur gonna have to fight toji for her attention sugu 😔😔😔 …)

- LMFAOOOOOOOOO LISTENNNNNNNNNNNN. i just KNOW sugu was real life doing this 😒😑 like who is that man……… HE IS DEFFO THE TYPE TO GET REAL LIFE JEALOUS OVER HOT ANIME GUYS like 😭😭😭 reader is real asf tho……. toji lover nation UNITE. suguru is such a HATER™️ to his core i love that abt him <3 OMFG………. i have a way where everyone can win…………. sugu & toji i got two hands………… do w that info what y’all will!

THEIR DYNAMIC IS SOOOOO FUCKING SWEET i firmly sincerely believe that sugu belongs with a silly reader . it just makes sense to me. he’s sooo smitten w them!!! ur his silly little goose !!! <33

- AGREED 1000000000000% I CAN TRUST YOU TO ALWAYS MF GET IT!!!!!!!! HE NEEEEEEDS A SILLY READER JUST A LOVABLE DUMBASS!!!!!!! HE’S MOROSEXUAL I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL!!!!!! YES HE LOVES HIS SILLY LITTLE GOOSE…….. HIS SILLY LITTLE BUNNY…….. sugu’s so smitten <3

my knees buckled THE . the grabbing ur face…. to get ur attention.,,.. CANONNNNNN IT’S SOOOO SUGU I DIED and don’t get me started on the sitting on his face. stupid silly man it wasn’t even his own joke smh ……….. i did melt into a puddle though u wrote him a lil too suave 😵‍💫

- GAGGED ME A BIT TOO LIKE OMFG if he ever grabbed my face………. nsfw moments would happen i fear. PLEASNDMDNSN he’s such a snake like why would you steal reader’s line like that omfg fake ass Bitch. AND DJJDJDJDJD THANK YEWWWWW he’s so suave when he wants to be <3

AAAAAAAAA THEY REALLY ARE JUST…. i adore their dynamic i doooooo READER IS SO SILLY i love the implication that they were just like . ”if u wanna kill me pls sit on my face king <333” they’re so real actually AND WAHHH SUGU BEING ALL GRUMPY 😭😭 he’s such a brat it’s TRUE and we don’t talk abt it enough….

- REAL ASF TOO LIKE. methinks they were on a late night drive and sugu parked somwhere dark & secluded so reader said “if you took me here to kill me… i’ll have you know sitting on my face would be much easier. much more preferred.” and sugu just choked on his cherry icee/slurpee while blushing and scolding them but also making out w them so hard in the car <3 then promptly sitting on reader’s face when they got back home <3 love them sm <3 YOU’RE SOOOOOOOOO FKN RIGHT he’s such a grump AND a BRAT and no one talks abt it like omfg he’s sooooo bratty and huffy and spoiled sometimes 😭

like i can visualize him so clearly and he’s so gorgeous it makes me feel sick it rlly isn’t fair 😞😞😞…. all the piercings…. save me kairo i’m abt to crumble……

- i’m sooooooo happy you liked that part :’) sugu w the hairpin… the piercings… the sweater… boyfie <3

AAAAAA THESE SMALL DETAILS ALWAYS GET ME he offers u the bigger half but u take the smaller one 🥺🥺🥺 i feel like just these two lines depict their dynamic so well. they’re always always looking out for each other :(((

- HEHEHEHEHEHEHE YOU CAUGHT THAT I KNEWWWWW YOU WOULD 🥹 i wanted to highlight them looking out for e/o in a small way and i figured one person giving the bigger half and the other choosing the smaller half was the best way hehehe <3

AND THIS 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 kairo u understand him….. u Get it…….. i can’t not see him as a huge dork like that’s just what he is. he can act mysterious and suave and cool all he wants but we know the truth!! he’s a lil nerdy dork and it’s the most charming thing abt him <3333 reader’s love for him is also so palpable here …. they love all sides of him so dearly ☹️☹️☹️

- EXAAAAAAAACTLY at the core of suguru is a Dork……. Nerd…………. Goober. methinks he’s suchhhhhhh an astronomy nerd <3 he has so many facets and that’s one of em <3

SOOOOOOO FUCKING REAL THEY’RE SO ME i need sugu to scold me i think it would fix me entirely

- PLEASENDNDNDNND I HAD TO like…….. need suguru to scold me sooooooo badddddddddd idk why he can tell me off and i’d be MAJOR heart eyes <3

PHDIFJFJFJJD READER’S DIALOGUE GOT SO MANY GIGGLES OUT OF ME i support their maybe possibly a scam gift giving tendencies <333

- 😭😭😭 AND THEY’RE REAL TOO! i was looking up online that buying/naming stars is a scam sometimes & reader was just like damn…….. it’s the thought that counts who gives af <3 and they were RIGHT! sugu was HYPED regardless 🤭

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫K😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 KA 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 KAIR 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 KAIROOOOOO U CAN’T…… JUST CASUALLY MENTION THE NIP PIERCINGS………….,.,,, 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I’M ALREADY ON THE FLOOR PLS LET ME BREATHE FOR A SECOND ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

- YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT like TRUST that sugu has nip piercings…….. a belly button piercing………. and a **** piercing <3

(also <33 ur descriptions <3333 yeah. need this man on top of me asap preferably suffocating me w his giant tiddies WHO SAID THAT)

- “need this man on top of me asap preferably suffocating me w giant tiddies WHO SAID THAT” I GHOSTWROTE THIS SENTENCE I SWEAR 😖🤝

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ this part fucked me uppppppp i can’t lie it hurts so luch to imagine sugu that way but it’s also such a real and important aspect of his character!!! and it shows reader’s devotion so so clearly. they’re there for him no matter what!! and he would do the same for them!!!

- AHHHHHH i appreciate you saying that it’s such a real/important aspect of his character bc that’s what was in my mind too!!!!! i think his depression is just so. integral to his character and it’s not pretty but that’s fine bc he’s HUMAN. & YESSSSSS!!!!! reader is always there for him and he’s always there for them!!!! they’re both devoted/care for the other sooooo deeply and vice versa

THE TEXTS W SATORU PSHFODJFJJFID THEY’RE SO REALLLLL personally i think any readers paired w sugu or toru HAVE to be besties w the other one like it just makes sense…. i love the friendship between all three of them in this !!! toru loves both reader and sugu sm and they love him right back <333

- HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE I LOVEDDDDDDD THE TEXTS 😭🩷 toru really is my bestie like he’s reader’s bestie he’s your bestie he’s sugu’s bestie he’s EVERYONE’S bestie everyone needs a satoru gojo in their lives <3 THANK YOUUUUUU their friendship is soooooo important to me they love each other so much :>

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️i sniffled. he’s physically incapable of not being tender when he’s with them…. and the way he makes sure to let them know he loves them even in such a miserable state… the way he’s thinking of them and tending to them hhhhhh i love him sm 💔💔💔

- ^^^ HE IS SOOOOOO TENDER i think again it falls into his nurturing/paternal tendencies like he’ll look after them even if he’s in no state to! like sugu omg focus on yourself rn bae

I LOVED THIS SO MUCH reader is so so caring and devoted like they’re just overflowing w affection!!! just like sugu!!!! reading this made me so so happy aaaaa ….., all their favorites!!! :(((( sniffle sniffle they’re the cutest ever …. made me hungry too 💔

- HEHEHEHE THANK YOUUUUUUU THEY’RE A LOVER TO THEIR CORE 🗣️🗣️🗣️

just so vibrant so warm so sweet!!!! i literally saw it unfold in my brain anime style LMAO like the warm lighting!!! the tears!!! i’ve been watching too much haikyuu smh i pictured it just like an emotional hq scene….. just so gorgeous and tender

- OMG I’M TUCKING THIS COMMENT INSIDE MY HEART 😭😭😭 HAIKYUU!! STYLE OH I FUCKING LOVE YOUUUUUUU omg the warm lighting/tears/anime vibes that’s LITERALLY how i pictured it too like a literal hq! emotional scene 😭 sunset in the bg wind is flowing people are sobbing etc

READER IS SOOOOOOOOOOO DEVOTED IT ACHES this is exactly what sugu deserves!!!! and the vow… the oath….. u alr know how i feel abt those this made me a lil insane

- VOWS & OATHS MAKE US SOOOOOOO INSANE LIKE……. the DEPTH of their devotion…….. disgusting. i love it so much

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 KAIRO? STOP MENTIONING THESE THINGS IN PASSING DO U WANT ME TO DIE BE HONEST ohhhhhh he WOULD get ur name tattooed wouldnt he….. and i would simply fall to my knees and weep HE IS A SAP AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING

- :3 HEHEHEHEHEHEHE he ABSOLUTELY WOULD. like he deffo tatted it from a time where you wrote your name in a bday card or something and he was like……… putting this behind my ear where it will reside near my temples forever and ever <3

LOVEEEEEE THIS DYNAMIC THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE gentle bf x manhandling gf…….. the only dynamic ever…………

- MHMMMMMM YOU GET IT 🗣️🗣️🗣️ my reader is so silly they just start turbowashing his hair w no regard for his life omfg…….. rip sugu’s hair follicles you WILL be missed 💔😩🫡😖

i think his relation to his family was strained at best and that’s definitely the case for almost every sorcerer born into a non-sorcerer family….. one of my personal hcs when it comes to sugu is that his lying personality formed when he was very young, because of his ability to see curses :(( i can just picture him telling his parents and being terrified only to have them scold him for it…. because who would take that kind of talk seriously? and that reaction resulting in him just kind of… shutting himself off from the the world. not really trusting anyone to understand him.

- oh you 1000000% get it and that’s how i personally see it too! i pictured his family life to be one where he got scolded for saying there were curses and then his parents got upset bc they thought he was lying/going crazy and making stuff up bc they couldn’t see what he was seeing….. and i HEAVILY agree i think over time he would just lie abt not seeing stuff! maybe his eyes are off to the side looking at his curse and his parents are saying “what’re you looking at?” suguru with a closed eyed smile: “nothing” :) i think that’s how he got thru his teenage years just lying. and then i also think it affected his mental health bc he probably thought he was overthinking stuff/going insane but in reality he was just a boy who saw things others couldn’t……. his backstory is sooooo clouded so i love just thinking abt him when he was younger and his home life. & i agree HEAVILY again on him not really trusting others/not feeling like anyone understands him

obv those r just my thoughts on canon sugu but i LOVE the way u depict his family and their dynamic here bc it’s literally exactly how i picture it too!!! not entirely loveless, but strained. suffocating. a cold kind of household where he can’t be himself :(( it just makes sm sense in my head u just described his feelings abt it so so well!!! i did in fact cry LMAO it resonated w me so deeply!!!

- thank you SO much that actually means the world to me! i think we both have SUCH similar views on suguru and his family life/backstory! yes - not entirely loveless but it’s…….. strained & suffocating & not really healthy lmao. like they’re family deep down they love each other but his parents just have a shitty way of showing it. and YEAH a cold household but on the outside they act super warm…….. </3 AWHHHHHHH ARI OMG here have a tissue i am holding you softly in my arms 🫂

my favorite flavor of conservative father is the one who’s so deep in the closet it’s turned into a casket like … ”he went through the same thing when he was his age”……. ohhhh dad i have some news for u……….

- HDJDJDJDBDJDHDHDHD listen since i’m a LOVER of hot mean dilfs ummmmmm i made his dad sexy and bi whether his dad knows it or not 😭 he’s like “we’ve all kissed boys 🙄🙄🙄” and suguru & his mom are just like ??? like mr. geto was fine asf back in the day in my brain and is STILL fine asf. just stupid and cold tho 😭

i picture his father as being very cold, very strict, very controlling, while his mother is loving but in a very conditional way. and her reaction here hurts the most because she isn’t lashing out, she’s just . acting like it didn’t even happen

- YOU GET HIS FATHER PERFECTLY!!!!!! deffo the strict dad, v cold & controlling & overly protective. and yes!!!!! his mom is like…… hmmmm how do i say it she’s kinda like someone who is an overt-babier? like she always thinks that suguru is her little baby boy and can’t do anything by himself so she has to hold his hand like soooooo suffocating and that makes suguru so. icked out he’s like i’m my own fucking man! makes him want to be the one in control of his own life no matter what! i think suguru has control issues also just putting that out there // and yeah i think that’s the part that hurt suguru the most is that she just acted like it never happened.

THIS IS THE PART WHERE I CRIEDDDDDD OK IT JUST GOT TO ME i am so weak for ….. found family……….. characters finding a home of their own after growing up in a broken one…..,., sugu finding all the comfort he needs in his beloved angel :(( a person that he chose himself!!! who loves him and makes him feel safe!!!! sighhhh they mean the world to me they do…..

- ARI MY BABYYYYYYYYYY I’M HUGGING YOU SO HARD RN AHHHHHH NOW I’M WEEPING 😭 YES!!!!!! CHOOSING YOUR PERSON!!!!! THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE!!!!

AAAAAAAA I ADORED THIS PART SO SM IT’S SO FUNNY AND SWEET 😭😭😭😭😭 sugu is just soooooooo angry and protective i love the idea that this particular comment got to him the most bc he can handle abuse towards himself but to his beloved?????? yeahhhhh no . papabear sugu coming out INSTANTLY. and reader just thinks it’s funny ohhhh their dynamic kairo 💔💔💔 my protector…. always………. i collapsed my head hit the concrete etc etc THEY PROTECT EACH OTHER SO EFFORTLESSLY SO FERVENTLY protective sugu just gets me so weak…..

- !!!!!!!!!! SUGURU IS 1000000000000% THE PARTNER WHO GETS PISSED IF SOMEONE SAYS SHIT TO/ABOUT HIS S/O! like shit talk him all you want he really doesn’t gaf but if you talk about his s/o? he’s hexing you and shouting at you and also plotting murder <3 reader is so funny they’re just like :3 hehehehehe :3 they don’t gafffffff 😭😭😭 PROTECTOR!SUGU ALSO GETS ME SO WEAK OMFG MY HUSBAND

READER IS THE REALEST AS ALWAYS sugu being jealous of ur favorite fictional character is still so real to me like he’s such a little loser ….. do we think he would put on the compression shirt + sweatpants combo just to get u to drool over him instead of toji yes or yes

- NDNDNDNDND HE IS THE TYPE TO GET REAL LIFE JEALOUS AND BE SUCH A HATER LIKE OMFG 😭 oh you already know he would……….. compression shirt + sweatpants combo and all reader says is “damn. toji wore it better.” and then suguru just tries to jump out of their window </3 THEY’RE BOTH STILL GONNA SMASH THO BC SUGU LOOKS SEXY AS HELL!

I LOVEEEEEEE UR SUGU SM I TRULY DO he just wants to fix anything that’s wrong … wants u to depend on him so badly …….. wants to make u happy always always always 💔💔💔 i can imagine him being soooo frustrated when u don’t allow him to help like i think that’s the one thing that he just can’t stand. he needs u to need him :((( needs to soothe u or else he spirals </3

- he’s sooooooooooo. insane. like he just ALWAYS needs to be in the know and i AGREE it frustrates him when you tell him not to worry abt smthn bc he’s a certified worrier™️ he needs his s/o to depend on him he needs to nurture him he needs to feel wanted/depended on i think that is such a core part of him 😭 he’s so paternal it’s almost disgusting how much he needs to be needed so i think it’s him toe-ing a fine line! he just always wants you to be happy and safe and protected that he does/says things that mayyyyyyyy be TOO much 😭 he’s self-aware and working on it tho which is good!

HE’S SOOO FATHERCODED SO MOTHERCODED just so nurturing to the point that maybe it’s a lil intense sometimes :((( and wahhhh u depicted his overthinking habits so so well…….. he’s trying so hard to be good for u!!! to be what u need!!!! :< and he’s doing so well but he can’t rlly see it…

- ^^^ you always get it like. YES. intense in his nurturing he’s SO fucking fathermother coded he’s suchhhhh a mother hen he’s such a protective dad he’s crazy. he really is his parents’ son sometimes 😭 but in a much better way than them like he’s trying so hard to be good just like you said! he just wants to keep you safe and happy and protected no matter the cost :(

i melted into a wholeee puddle one thing that always gets me weak is when sugu treats his reader like they’re fragile ….. it just gets me so soft AND HE’S SOOOO DEVOTED SO CARING IT MAKES ME WANNA CRY he just wants to make it better!!!! he has to make it better!!!!!!! :(( his overthinking is soooo clear here too….., he knows there’s a fine line between nurturing and condescending and he wants so badly not to cross it :(((( he’s just so naturally paternal like he truly is… motherly men my beloveds <3333 but it hurts to see him be so hard on himself !!

- MHMMMMMM HE DOES DO THAT!!!!!! he treats them like a baby/fawn like something to be nurtured…… protected…… and he just always wants to FIX things it’s in his nature i think he’s been like that since he was a teenager 😭 AND I’M SO GLAD YOU SAID HIS OVERTHINKING NATURE IS CLEAR OMG WHAT A RELIEF!!!!! not for him but for me that you noticed that <3 ^^^ motherly men oh yeah he’s deffo a mommy. a daddy. in both an insane way and a weird way idk suguru is kinda crazy in the head

SUGU AND HIS DADDY ISSUES MEAN THE WORLD TO MEEEEE this feels so canon too….. U AREN’T LIKE HIM AT ALLLL SUGU UR THE SWEETEST GUY IN THE WORLD :((((( sniffle…. he overthinks sm but he really is so wonderful…….

- SUGU AND HIS DADDDDDD they make me crazy…….. i imagined his dad to be such a hot mean dilf but also just someone who had outdated views on what it means to be “the man of the house” like it was definitely a patriarchal house! REAL! he tries so hard not to be like his father like that’s his worst nightmare omg 😭 you’re so much better than him sugubear i PROMISE you king

READER IS SO REAL FOR THIS i’m like that too 😭😭😭 AND KAIROOOOOOO HERE WE GO AGAIN I JUST CANT CATCH A BREAK IN THIS HOUSE SMH sugu w …. reading glasses ……… 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 i genuinely started breathing so heavily he’s so sexy it pains me

- I KNEWWWWWW YOU WOULD LOVE THE READING GLASSES OMG ME AND YOU ARE LIKE THIS 🤞🏼 him in glasses is sooooooo sexy it makes me clinically insane i need him sooooooooo bad it makes me look STUPID

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 this was just the sweetest thing.,. i KNOW it meant sm to sugu too like u just get him kairo….. he’s a sentimentalist!!! he WOULDDD cry i know he would it’s canon …. sugu is a crier to me i think he falters sm when he’s faced with a love that’s so tender and warm :(((

- HEHEHEHEHE THE BIGGEST SENTIMENTALIST!!!!!!! HE LOVES PERSONALIZED PRESENTS THE MOST IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!! he’s a creative so anytime someone gives him something that they created from their heart/soul he treasures it SO dearly that it melts his heart like it makes him SOOOOO emotional 🥺 agreed omg he’s really sensitive sometimes and definitely a crier when he’s overwhelmed w such tender emotions <3

KAIROOOOOO I GENUINELY MWLTED i know ive said that like 50 times so far BUT THIS TIME I RLLY RLLY MEAN IT like it was just…… attack after attack…….. hitting every single one of my weak spots…… this scene made me feel so SOFT i thought i was gonna turn into jelly :(( the soft beckoning !!!! the tears and coos and kisses !!! MY LOVE ……. MY SWEET GIRL ???????????? UR SO CRUEEEEELLLLL THAT’S MY GREATEST WEAKNESS MY BREATH HITCHED pls don’t get me started on my little dove….. pls dont ………. the fondness of it all .. i cried i need him so BAD it’s not funny anymore 😞😞😞😞😞

- AHHHHHHHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH i was soooo worried it was TOOOOOOO much but also i needed to add every little pet name in there or else i would’ve died 😭 my sweet girl & my little dove…….. sugu would 1000000% call his s/o those things while softly beckoning them over <333 he’s a Real Loverboy <3 AND A COOER! loves to coo at his baby

AAANNNDDDD THE FINALEEEE WOW WOW WOW I CRIED this was the perfect way to end it….. the devotion and loyalty and love !!!!! KISSING UR RINGGGGGGG i knowwww he wants to marry u so bad it makes him look silly AND THE WORDS :((( i hope google translate didn’t butcher it lmao BUT AAAAAAAAA i’ll love you forever…………… hhhh. just encompasses their love so well :(( it’s just so steadfast and so soft . and the promise of marriage……. sigjhhh they’re just so SMITTEN it makes me so emotional!!!! i rlly do adore their dynamic to the moon and back 🥺🥺🥺

- THE ENDING WAS SO FAST BC I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO END IT OMG BUT THANK YOU SM 😭 i was also worried i wrote it mad confusing but i’m glad that you got the idea that i wanted to present which was that he wants to marry the reader <3 AND YES YOUR GOOGLE TRANSLATE WAS RIGHT! and finally suguru kisses HIS beloved’s knuckle <3 on their promise ring <3 sniffles omg these characters are so dear to me i finally understand what writers mean when they love their lil characters like i Get it now <3 AND THANK YOU ARI OMG I’M SO THANKFUL YOU ADORE THEM HEHEHE THEY ADORE YOU TOO <3 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

AAAAAAAAA KAIRO THIS WAS JUST SUCH A TREAT……. i rlly hope u can feel alllll the love i have for this fic and u and sugu from these reactions!!!!! so many parts of this made me feel so emotional and it was just written so so well and thoughtfully……. ur characterization and imagery and everything is just so perfect !!!! :(((( this is also one of the tastiest sugu depictions i’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing (<- is still thinking abt the nip piercings PHDKFJFJFJ) u just wrote him in such a lovely way that feels so canon to me!!!!!

- EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU WROTE ME IS TUCKED DEEP INTO MY SOUL LIKE I WILL BE GOING BACK TO THIS RB SO MANY TIMES JUST TO HAPPILY READ EVERYTHING YOU SAID OMG you just got everything/understood what i wanted to show/say so i appreciate you so much :3 AHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! i’ll do my best to do better in the future! :D i need to reach ari-level one day (unattainable but i’m fine w that bc you are in a league of your own and i’m eating every single word you write in your stories………. i’m sukuna and your stories are his fingers) chomp chomp chomp……. munch munch munch <3 (also you mentioned you got a wip of comparing sugu’s eyes to the milky way……… gonna need that snippet STAT pleek & thanks 🙏🏼) AND OMFG?????????????? YOU SAYING THIS IS THE TASTIEST DESC OF SUGU YOU’VE HAD THE PLEASURE OF SEEING IS THE HIGHEST FKN PRAISE I LOVE YOUUUUU 😭🩷😭🩷😭🩷 trust bestie………. i’m thinking of those nip piercings every single day……… every single night…….. <3 & 🥹🥹🥹 THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT you saying i wrote him in a lovely way that feels canon is the best praise i can possibly receive :’) i love you so much ari omg thank you for taking the time out of your day for not only reading this but also WRITING all of this!!!!!! I APPRECIATE AND ADORE YOU SOOOO MUCH MWAH MWAH MWAH!

a treat for you………. look at his jawline. gagged.

black is the color of my true love’s hair

♡ your devotion to suguru is second to none - you would do anything for your beloved! bonded by true love, loyalty, & utter admiration, these are a few moments where suguru has been unbelievably thankful for you & smitten by your acts of love & service! (a story from my suguru geto: valentine’s day fic list!)

a/n: belated birthday fic for my beloved husband suguru geto <3 the title of the fic is based on a rendition of the song “black is the colour” by celtic woman! imo it’s the most loving & devotional song i’ve ever heard so i wanted to do a story based on those themes with my favorite black-haired man <3 MY true love <3 p.s. this is my first time ever writing an actual fic & it got a bit long because i got carried away so please bear w me! i hope you enjoy and happy valentine’s day! <3 MWAH!

- f!reader, no curses au, reader is short/blushes/has hair that can be ran through with fingers! slightly suggestive, cursing, mentions of depression/anxiety/self-destructive behaviors. but i promise this is a soft, fluffy fic! it’ll make sense when you read it! dividers are from @saradika! w.c: ~ 11.5k

it’s a simple action, really.

you tilt your head slightly to the right and lift your face up to gaze adoringly at him through your lashes, a mirthful twinkle dancing in your eyes. a soft smirk coupled with a light blush adorns your angelic features, a precious look, which suguru has come to be utterly enchanted by due to the loving action that follows immediately after.

you catch him off guard the first time you do it.

the first time you kiss suguru’s knuckles, he falters.

it’s the way that you do it. naturally & effortlessly, as if it’s like second nature, that causes suguru to stop in his tracks and dedicate all of his attention to you.

his mesmerizing gaze is directed at you, molten gold eyes inquisitive. irrevocably fond.

he attentively watches as you softly grab his large warm hand in your small cold one. his hands are slightly rough yet supple due to his religious use of the honey-almond handcream you bought him earlier in the week.

he notices, rather than intertwining your fingers with his own and holding them, you smoothly bring his hand up to your face, wrapping your digits loosely around the perimeter of his long slender fingers.

your thumb gingerly caresses his ring finger (the one that holds a devout vow of eternal love), your featherlight touch raising wonderful shivers across his body. with the utmost care, you delicately, as if he’s made out of precious china, brush your supple glossed lips against his fingers, relishing in the coolness of his promise ring that encases both his aquamarine birthstone & your own.

your low-lidded enamored eyes never leave his affectionately curious ones — both of you preciously holding the other ones gaze. eyes locked in a staring contest of love.

utterly content with his undivided attention, you gently press a soft kiss to his knuckles.

a sign of affection.

an act, a promise, of complete & utter devotion.

his pierced eyebrow raises slightly due to the suaveness of your actions. he tries to gather his bearings, his brain fuzzy with your actions — did you actually just do that?

suguru’s amber eyes widen significantly, soft black eyelashes fluttering like raven wings against the tan of his cheek that’s blushed with a hue of raspberry red. mouth slightly ajar in surprise, his silver lip ring glints like starlight in the sunset daze of the evening, while his pierced tongue is pressed against his own cheek to stop himself from becoming a bumbling, stuttering mess.

if he speaks — he wholeheartedly believes all that’ll tumble out of his lips will be unabashedly fervent divulgances of: “i love you. i love you. i love you.”

adoration blooms out of his ribcage like a meadow of daffodils, sweetness enveloping around his heart, soft ivory petals and sage green tendrils wrapping themselves delicately over his bones. he reckons that if you couldn’t hear his heartbeat hammering out of his chest before, you definitely can now.

it’s almost as if his brain is in clouds of cotton candy, his mind in a sweet haze of shock, love, & affection. he finds himself whispering airily, “why’d you do that?”

tenderly stroking away silky strands of ink-black hair that wisp around his ethereal face, the fond smile you grace him with is saccharine sweet, “i felt like it.”

unbelievably charmed, he can’t help the giggle that spills its way out through his mouth like honey, a syrupy-sweet sounding little thing. his shaky fingers cover his rosy lips slightly as he laughs bashfully. he’s a bit shy because of it, but you don’t think a sound has ever been so melodious to your ears. you’d get down on one knee to kiss his knuckles reverently as many times as he wants just to hear his laughter over and over and over again.

the way you see it, it’s as if you were put on this earth to devote yourself to him.

like a loyal knight kisses the ring on the hand of their king with the utmost veneration, you’d do the same. without question, worshipping the ground whereupon he stands like a faithful follower would do to a cult leader. you figure in all of the other multiverses, you’re ultimately doing the same thing as what you’re doing in this one: loving him — devoutly. earnestly. passionately.

if the look of ardent rapture on your face is anything to go by, suguru might faint with the rush of pure love & endearment that flows like nectar throughout his veins.

he feels his blush bloom over his warm face which rushes towards the tips of his pierced ears, a clear sign of you flustering him.

wanting to gain back some semblance of control of the situation, he puts on a poker face, a gentleness in his eyes & a fondness in his smile still shining through. his black-nail polished thumb grazes your soft wind-chilled cheek. a beacon of warmth. a caress of admiration accompanied with a well-maintained façade of smoothness. a comforting touch for the both of you.

“well, aren’t you just so sweet.” suguru can’t help the coo that escapes his cherry red lips when you look up at him with your precious doe eyes, “my pretty little baby.”

he softly pinches your cheek, admiring the soft plush. he cradles your cheek with the same hand, & carefully smoothes down your hair that’s been strewn around a bit by the evening wind with the other. suguru pats your head in a nurturing manner in the process, another fond coo escaping him when he sees you preen at the attention he gives you, affectionately watching you revel in the flattering treatment.

your eyes widen with joy, always keening with any praise he showers you with. “i’d like to think so! now come on sugu, your pretty little baby has a lil surprise for you!” you playfully wink at him, your smile beaming like sunshine.

your warm eyes map his stunning features reverently, memorizing his elegant visage. drinking in his otherworldly beauty. as if you could never get enough.

while you openly admire him, suguru does the same to you. he doesn’t think that he’s ever been this enamored by a human being before. you’re the center of his universe, and he can’t imagine his life without you. all he can see in this moment is: you. his intense gaze holds yours as he captures both of your cheeks in his warm gentle hands, enveloping himself in your space. the perfume he bought you for your birthday invades his senses, clouding his mind in a welcomed haze.

all he can think of at the moment is: you. you. you.

all he can repeat in his mind is: mine. mine. mine.

his eyes gleam with a newfound sense of desire, wanting to show you exactly what you mean to him. what you do to him.

his golden eyes that are now an onyx, dilated with desire, flit to your mouth. his thumb outlines your pretty lips that are begging to be devoured by his own. his right hand moves to cradle the back of your head, tilting your face up so he can comfortably take control. long, slender fingers splay across your hair, bringing you closer to him, slightly tugging the strands to hear and feel you gasp against his mouth. he presses his left hand against the small of your back, coaxing you further into his body, fusing you both together. not wanting to be even a millimeter apart. he just can’t get enough of you.

it’s like a magnetic gravitational pull when he presses a soft, sensual kiss against your glossy lips. the cold metal ball in his pierced tongue explores the wet cavern of your mouth, and he can’t help but moan softly into you, relishing in your warmth.

he prays to the stars above, hoping that he can convey his sincere love, desire, & admiration for you like this. he breathes life into you and you do the same to him. kissing you with such vigor & passion, he feels like melding your lips & souls together wouldn’t be enough. he burns with a hunger to become one with you. he pleads to the universe that the intensity of his desire and yearning is relayed to you — that you crave it, crave him as much as he craves you.

with the way he’s ravenously kissing you, and how you’re excitedly kissing him back, it seems like you certainly received the message.

suguru thinks it’s a little bit funny, but very much endearing, when you run around the living room like a bumbling fawn.

you zig-zag around the counter, making sure you pick up the purse that suguru got for you on your previous anniversary, an acrylic charm of your favorite anime character clinking against the metal fastenings. (another gift that suguru got you, begrudgingly he might admit, because who the hell is that toji fushiguro guy anyways…)

you double check that all the contents you need are inside: phone, charger, lip gloss, mini perfume, credit cards — AH! you run back to your room like a panther, not wanting to forget the most important thing you need for tonight!

he can’t help himself but laugh at your frazzled antics. “baby, you can calm down! we’re going on a picnic, it’s almost impossible for us to be late!” suguru admires your punctuality, he thinks it’s sweet how you never want to keep him waiting.

“FORGOT SOMETHING, I ALMOST DIED.” you rush back to him, big goofy smile on your face.

“baby… you’re heaving.” suguru covers his mouth, trying not to giggle out loud at how out of breath you are just by running a few feet. you’re so fucking cute.

“damn…” you huff out, hands on your knees, trying to get a deep breath in. “don’t call me out like that.”

he can’t help the laugh that bellows out of him, “sorry angel, now let’s go!” he places his large hands against your back, ushering you out the door quickly, “you still haven’t told me where we’re going.”

walking you towards his black mercedes, he opens the passenger side for you. with both hands on your hips, you remind him that, “it’s a SURPISE!”

after around 45 minutes of both of you jamming out to your playlist in the car, poking his cheek while childishly asking “are we there yet?” just to annoy him for fun, and ultimately being a proper passenger princess who tells him to “just trust me!” when he asks where you two are going, you both arrive to your destination.

and the sight that he sees, enthralls him. he whistles, beguiled by the view. from here, he can see how pretty and bright the stars are, it almost looks like they’re twinkling a “hello!” at the both of you. suguru thinks to himself, a picnic here at night? he’s unbelievably mesmerized at how your brain works sometimes.

he turns to face you, watching how engrossed you are in your phone, tapping away incessantly. wanting your full attention, his fingers grab your chin gently to force you to look him. he jokingly purrs, “if you took me here to kill me, i’ll have you know… sitting on my face would be much easier. much more preferred.”

you raise your eyebrow questioningly.

“because… it’s dark and we’re in random clearing.”

you stare at him blankly. “okay, you’ve hung out with me waaaay too much because i literally said that pick-up line to you last week and now you’re blatantly stealing it… like a THIEF. and also? you drove us here. who the hell is gonna drive me back if you’re dead?”

his brows furrow and he pouts, annoyed that you didn’t fall into his arms and blush because of his (your) raunchy words. he turns away from you and opens his door to leave, brattily huffing out a, “hmph. shut up, dumbass.” with his head held up high in the air, he struts away pompously to the trunk, opening and closing it loudly. a picnic basket with food you both made together in one hand, and a soft quilt of constellations made by haibara & nanami for suguru’s previous birthday in the other.

how fitting.

you loudly snicker to yourself while getting out of the car, amused by your boyfriend’s spoiled antics. while suguru is front of you admiring the view and trying to find a spot to set up, you admire the view in front of you. whistling out a, “damn…” suguru scoffs at your flirty behavior and gives you the finger. you send an air kiss back, and he playfully swats it away.

when he turns away again, you smile to yourself dreamily. taking out your phone, you click a quick candid of him against the night sky, admiring at how he looks like a painting.

the cream of his sweater and the contrast of his cascading ink-black hair entrances you, the silver hairpin you got him during a couple’s trip to kyoto in the top of his bun. the dangling deep violet amethyst gem glints in the moonlight, making him look even prettier. he turns his head to the left, from here you can’t see his eyebrow piercing or his lip piercing since they’re both on the right side of his face, but you do see his eyebrow slit — a scar which you’ve softly traced over many times. his side profile allures you effortlessly, the angular bridge of his nose and the soft cupid’s bow of his lip offering up a beautiful contrast that is suguru: graceful yet strong.

shaking your head slightly, you break out of your trance.

you go back to the task at hand, opening your notes app and ticking off the word at the top of your list.

stargazing. ✔️

you remember suguru mentioned it in passing one day when you were both in the beginning stages of your relationship. it was on his date bucket-list ever since he could remember, and of course you wanted to be the one who would take him!

you guide him over to a little meadow overlooking the city. surrounding you both are beautiful moonflowers, their sweetness enveloping your sinuses. the air is cool and crisp, and in the distance you hear the faint chirps & buzzing of hummingbirds along with the faint caws of ravens. you’re proud of yourself that you were able to find a place this picturesque. (even to this day, you still have an urge to impress suguru in any way that you can.)

both of you sit on the quilt suguru sets down, the homemade cloth providing an extra layer of cushioning that you feel atop the softness of the grass.

you’re upon the hill clearing, close enough to the city that you can comfortably drive back while still seeing a few citylights from where you are, but far away enough that the light pollution wouldn’t interfere with the date you had planned.

“it’s pretty.” suguru glances at the view, praising you while taking out the tonkatsu sandwiches, pasta salad, & chocolate covered strawberries from your picnic wicker-basket. you pick up a bag of chips and start munching on it while he lays down on his back propped up on his elbows, opening up a banana milk to sip on.

“i’m glad you like it,” your words are muffled in between loud crunches and fast chewing, “i was worried we’d be attacked by a mountain lion or a swarm of bees or some shit.” you say honestly.

he blinks. “i wasn’t worried about that. but i am now.” he takes another sip of his banana milk in case it’s his last.

he sits up and picks up the tonkatsu sandwich, handing you the bigger half. “but seriously, how’d you find this place?”

you take the smaller half from his grasp instead, switching with him. taking a bite, you hum happily. suguru is such a good cook. he smiles at you fondly and you answer him, “i was searching up good places to look at the stars. out of all the pictures and reviews, this was the prettiest one.”

you look up at him and swear that you see an actual twinkle in his eyes.

“stargazing?” he pushes his bangs back behind his ear, leaning into your face. loudly repeating, “STARGAZING???” nose pressed against yours, an excitedly manic look in his eyes.

he throws his head back and waves his arms in the air, lamenting, “i should’ve bought a fucking telescope!”

he directs his gaze back towards you, pointing his finger at you accusingly while demanding, “we are coming here again in the future, okay? i’ll bring all of my astronomy gear: a telescope, binoculars, a constellation book, and oooooh! maybe i’ll also bring…” you unintentionally tune him out, looking at him adoringly with stars in your eyes.

this is what you wanted to see.

if you’re being honest with yourself, the best thing to experience in your life is getting to see suguru act genuinely excited. his eagerness to discover new things is infectious, and the man before you is the real suguru: dorky, eclectic, passionate.

the graceful, poised, & elegant man you see when he meets new people and the air of sultriness & suaveness he has when he takes you on fancy dates are utterly enchanting & beguiling, but you think that suguru you see before you now — the excitable nerd, is the most beautiful.

he flicks your forehead, breaking you out of your reverie. “have you been listening to a word i’ve been saying?” he scolds you while pinching your cheek extra hard.

“yeah, you want a telescope so you can look at the stars. also, you look really pretty… the stars ain’t got nothin’ on you.” you rest your chin in your hand, smirking at him, reveling in the blush that paints his cheeks. it was just the cold wind!, he’d tell you later while playfully smacking you upside the head.

you continue, “plus, it’s really hot when you’re all stern and tellin’ me off. what’s my incentive to listen to every word you say if i can get you scoldin’ me instead?” you tilt your head against your hand, grin wide, teeth bared. the masochist in you wants him to scold you even further.

he crosses his arms at you, muscles bulging out of his cream cableknit sweater. your eyes drink up the adonis right in front of you, mentally undressing him. “instead of hitting on me, how about i explain all of the constellations to you in extreme detail?” he purrs to you while biting his lip. he flips his hair over his shoulder, sultrily looking at you. you see right through him of course, knowing that he’s appeasing to your attraction to him just so he can ramble about ursa major, ursa minor, & the big dipper.

frankly. it works.

he holds his hand out to you. a truce.

you shrug. “if you do it like a hot stern professor, then sure.” you both shake on it.

he rolls his eyes playfully, trying to stop the smile that threatens to creep up on his face. “ugh. fine. be quiet and come over here.” he picks you up underneath your thighs and puts you in between his legs. your back pressed against his warm, sturdy chest. he kisses you on the head, appreciative of your indulgence of him.

you giggle cutely and move yourself down, laying your head in his lap while he softly plays with your hair. his lovesick gaze, fond smile, & warm thighs envelope your body, filling your senses with suguru. he leans down and presses a soft kiss against your forehead, an addicting contrast of his cold lip ring & warm soft lips electrifying your skin.

he pops a single chocolate-covered strawberry in your mouth, and you playfully nip his finger. he traces your lips softly and starts playfully lecturing you about the constellations that grace the night sky.

he excitedly points at a cluster of three bright stars, “and that is orion’s belt!”

you point at a bright star in the night sky a few lightyears away from it, grin unbelievably wide.

“i think you might be missing one, babe. and you call yourself the modern-day galileo. heh.” you playfully tease him.

suguru rolls his eyes, “okay first of all, i have never called myself that. second of all — excuse me?” his scoff is slightly haughty, & he can’t help the indignant laugh that escapes out of him. “alright, since you know so much — enlighten me then, what’s that one called?”

“hmm… i believe it’s sugurugeto-020390.”

suguru’s eyes widen ridiculously like flying saucers.

“what?”

you push yourself out of his grasp to pull out a certificate from your purse and hand it to him. you sit next to him cross-legged, gauging his reaction.

“trust me, i wish i could get a better name for it, but it turns out there’s a lot of suguru geto’s in the world.”

pausing for a moment, you want to make sure that your boyfriend knows that he’s the only suguru geto on your mind.

giving him bedroom eyes, you purr, “none like you of course.”

he blinks. “what?”

your face falls comically, and you pout, “that bright star in the sky is yours.” you point at it haphazardly. “you’re the light of my life, you illuminate my life, you’re the sole star and center of my universe, blah blah blah… so i figured… ya know…!” you gesticulate wildly, and in the moonlight suguru can see the slight blush on your cheeks. your eyes looking everywhere else but his own.

you’re shy.

he can feel the sinus pressure building up against his nose and the tears glaze over his eyes.

you scratch the back of your head, trying to save face. you quickly backtrack, “i know it’s a bit cheesy and honestly, technically, this was probably a scam, but i figured it was the thought that counts and–”

“shut up.”

you look up at him in a state of shock, “HAH???”

he grabs your cheeks, his silver rings cool against your face, and smashes his lips against your own, teeth slightly knocking against yours. in his excitement, he pushes you down and straddles you, pinning you down to the grass — his body a comforting weight on top of you. he kisses you breathlessly, moaning loudly in your mouth. you can both taste the fruitiness of the strawberry on each others tongues, your own being pressed softly against his piercing. you pull away softly, needing to take a breath.

and the sight above you is one you don’t think you’ll ever want to forget.

suguru’s seductive low-lidded gaze is locked on you, parts of his bangs wisped across his face from the momentum of pouncing on you. he’s breathing heavily, and you can feel his rapid heartbeat hammering against yours, his nipple piercings slightly poking into your chest. a rosy blush spreads itself on his cheeks like a strawberry jam, and you don’t think any view could compare to the one you’re blessed to see now.

his lips are red and glossy, aching to kiss you again. you nod softly, begging him to continue. he slots his lips back with your own, tracing your bottom lip with his tongue before he bites down sensually, groaning loudly when he hears you whimper. he curls an arm underneath your body while kissing you passionately, bringing you closer to him, enveloping you into his space. all you can think about in this moment is: suguru. suguru. suguru.

pulling away once more, and peering deep into his amber orbs, you think that his eyes carry the most beautiful stars. a milky way of ochre and obsidian.

never casting your fond gaze aside, you intertwine your hand with his, bringing it to your lips, kissing each knuckle fervently.

his alluring gaze follows your devoted actions. butterflies brush their wings together inside his stomach, the flutter erupting throughout his whole entire being. he thinks that in the moonlight, underneath the canopy of stars that…

you are the most brightest.

the most beautiful.

the most meaningful.

“honey! i’m hoooooooome!”

you feel unbelievably ecstatic that you can finally get to see your dear boyfriend after two weeks of being apart!

you already have the whole day planned out, perhaps you two can get takeout from your favorite local restaurant and watch anime together! you giggle happily to yourself while thinking about how you both can snuggle and have a cozy day in.

you take your shoes, coat, & purse off by yourself, wondering if suguru is out. usually by the time you’re at the door, suguru is already there welcoming you back with a massive kiss and a “missed you baby.” softly whispered in your ear, especially if you go on a long trip…

hmm, that’s a bit odd.

now that you’re looking around…

the apartment is in complete disarray.

it looks like a tornado blew through the whole place.

you shuffle in further… and dirty dishes are piled in the sink, overflowing dangerously. suguru’s clothes, random knick knacks, and pillows are strewn about as if he threw them all in a fit of rage. crumbs litter the carpet and you see what looks to be dirt tracks on the floorboards. the laundry is stacked high and the air is stuffy, it seems like no windows were opened in the time that you were away.

worriedly, you run into your shared bedroom.

suguru is there, thank god safe & sound, but what you see breaks your heart.

he’s laid face down, the left side of his cheek smooshed into the pillow, black tear tracks staining the fabric… he must’ve cried on a day when he went out? the bedroom is filled with dirty clothes on the floor, and you’re pained to smell the stench of cigarettes in the air. it’s light… maybe he only smoked one… but the fact that he felt the need to smoke at all, shattered your soul.

especially considering he quit ages ago when he started dating you.

you walk towards him lightly, not wanting to scare him off. his eyes are open and he looks at you… but he’s not really looking at you.

“you alright there, precious?” you softly whisper.

a perfunctory question. you know he’s not. he knows he’s not. but you know he’s in no state to answer any questions that you have.

“mhm.” he hums quietly. lethargic, not even having the willpower to answer with anything but a light rasp.

you brush back his bangs, and he shudders. his hair is greasy, oil-black hair clumping together in some places, matted in others. his lips are slightly chapped, a bit bloodied no doubt from his habit of biting his lip when he’s anxious. his fingernails are no stranger to the same action, stubbed and jagged down to the nailbed, his black nail polish chipped. bright amber eyes which often have a gentle look in them have turned into a dull ochre, obsidian pupils overtaking his irises.

they’re still gentle because he’s looking at you… but if you’re being honest with yourself, his eyes remind you a bit of a black hole right now.

vacant of light.

you press a soft kiss against his forehead and leave the room momentarily, thinking to yourself if anything can be done about this situation.

you decide to shoot satoru a quick text, seeing if he can help you out a bit with what you want to do.

you breathe out a sigh of relief, a small smile gracing your face. you can always count on satoru. the man may be silly and eclectic, but at the core of his being, he’s someone who will always take care of and look out for his friends. he’s the type of person to drop anything to help those that he loves and adores.

(sometimes you think that satoru really was an angel put onto earth.) (but then you think that he was probably cast out of heaven for being a little shit.) (regardless, you still fucking love him for it.)

you walk back into the room, and lay your head against your pillow that is next to suguru’s. (it smells like him… he must’ve hugged it while you were away.)

cradling his cheek, you quietly say, “satoru’s also back from his business trip babe, he’ll be coming in about 10 minutes. how about you get a bit of sunshine with him, hmm?” he blinks slowly, nodding softly.

you hold his hand to help him up out from the bed, but he shoos you away, admonishing you slightly, “i can do it myself.”

you nod and leave him to it, mentally preparing yourself for the behemoth cleaning task ahead when he leaves.

suguru pads slowly into the bathroom and puts his hair up in a high ponytail with a hairtie he stole from you, not wanting to deal with it. he washes his face and gets a wet rag to pat down his body and underarms, not having the energy to shower. putting on a random black sweatshirt, he douses himself in your favorite cologne of his. he puts on your strawberry lip balm while popping a piece of mint gum in his mouth. with a tired sigh, he exits the bathroom, dragging his feet to where you are at the door.

he kisses your temple gently. you plant a soft kiss his against knuckles. you think your eyes deceive you see a semblance of a twinkle in his eyes. “love you baby. i’ll bring you back somethin’.” he rasps out softly.

even in his darkest times, even when his mind is playing tricks on him, he’s still thinking of you. wanting to take care of you. desiring to show his affections towards you in any way that he can.

you simply want to return the favor.

satoru arrives, wearing a crisp white button up and black tinted glasses, his snowy white hair shining like starlight thanks to the sunbeams that hit him. he hugs suguru gently, placing a soft kiss against his temples. suguru, dressed in all black just nods his head lightly at him. he’s not really interested in going out but knows that you two will force him regardless, reminding him that getting sunshine and looking at different scenery is important.

as they get into the car and back out of the driveway, suguru waves lightly at you, eyes tired yet gentle. satoru winks at you, proud & thankful that suguru has someone that cares so deeply for his mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.

waving them both a goodbye, you go back inside and put on your cleaning playlist, ready to get started.

the first thing you do is open up the blinds and windows, wanting to air out the stuffiness that had built up over the past two weeks. considering the fact that suguru got a tinge paler and his undereyes looked sunken, you don’t think he got even a single beam of sunshine or any semblance of fresh air in the time that you were away.

padding over to the kitchen, you begin by doing the dishes. wearing your matching baby blue dishgloves, you get to work. it seems like suguru got anxious by seeing all the dishes piled up and started using some paper plates, which would explain the overflowing trash as well. the dishes are caked with food, but soften a bit by dousing them in water along with spritzing a powerwash grease-lifting spray. you sigh happily, glad that this will make it easier. after washing, drying, and putting away the dishes, you turn your attention to the kitchen surfaces.

you wipe down the counter and dining table in circular motions with a lemon-verbena spray, disposing of any old particles of food and random dust that lay upon the surfaces. already in your cleaning mode, you start to feel a little bit more energized.

opening up the refrigerator, you see that it’s been practically untouched. unfortunately, you gag when you smell rotting veggies and fruits, promptly rushing to your kitchen cabinet to get your trash bag to toss any old food away. you mentally remind yourself to get groceries in the morning, maybe if suguru is feeling a bit better after today you both can go together!

walking into the living room, you get your cleaning towel to beat the dust out of all the furniture. usually you & suguru both start with the bedrooms, but this time you figure you’d start with the living room as it’s in a bit of a better shape than the bedroom.

after you finish beating the living hell out of your cushions, you get to swiffering, mopping, and vacuuming — humming and singing loudly to suguru’s favorite songs on your shared cleaning playlist.

you go into the bedroom and start by gathering all of the clothes on the floor and the ones in the hamper to put inside the washing machine. you look around and do the same with the bedsheets and pillow cases, rubbing the eyeliner out of suguru’s pillowcase with some makeup remover first.

cleaning out all of the drawers, you make sure to throw away any random trash and only keep what’s necessary. clutter bothers both you and suguru, so you do your best to try and minimize that. you pick up empty bottles off the nightstand and throw them away. at least he drank a bit of water.

turning your attention to your bookcase, you wipe down the multitude of pictures of you & suguru that he put in frames.

there’s a few of both of you smiling after going on cute dates — suguru’s grin unbelievably wide while flipping off the camera and holding you close to his chest as you laugh loudly. there’s ones of you gazing at him adoringly, your love for him seeping out of the picture. there’s others of him looking at you — a soft fondness in his eyes, an even softer smile gracing his lips, his affectionate gaze tuning out anyone and anything else that isn’t you. both framed and pinned to the wall are multiple candids you two took of one another when the other wasn’t looking or paying attention, bursts of love immortalized in random moments of time.

you tell yourself that the sniffle you do is just because of the dust.

clearing your throat slightly, you look around proudly. you’re done!

you spray each room with a cotton spray, inhaling the fresh linen scent happily. you light up a teakwood candle that suguru bought a few weeks ago in the living room and put a sandalwood diffuser in the bathroom, freshening up the place. you take a well-deserved shower, feeling properly clean and accomplished.

by the time you’re done, it’s around 5:30 P.M in the evening and satoru texts you that they’re on their way and will be back home in approximately 30 minutes.

you get a can of sprite, his preferred soda, out from the fridge and put it on the counter. you decide to place an order for takeout from suguru’s favorite local spot, one that sells cold zaru soba noodles, his favorite food. you place another order at his favorite bakery for matcha crepes, his most loved dessert. the zaru soba will come within an hour and a half, but the dessert will come sooner so you also order a flower delivery too — a cute little surprise which will come within the same amount of time as the crepes.

you figure that you’ll also do the same for satoru, a little thank-you present for when he comes back to his own apartment. you order a bouquet of narcissus & holly for him, internally hoping that he likes it. you also order all of his favorite desserts from his favorite bakery! knowing that he will happily fill himself up on raspberry macarons, strawberry cake, vanilla mochi, chocolate donuts, & zunda cream kikufuku to his heart’s desire.

walking back into the bathroom, you get the most important part of your night started.

suguru finds his heart a bit lighter when he comes back to your shared home. he didn’t want to admit it to satoru… but he actually had a fun time eating, shopping, and listening to his hilarious stories about his shitty business trip. he’d be lying though if he said that he wasn’t most excited to see you after a long, eventful day.

in his hand are a bunch of shopping bags from stores that satoru dragged him to — clothes from your favorite stores, accessories & bags that you most wear, shoes that you need, books & knick knacks that you like — all for you. he bought a few for himself of course, but he mainly wanted to spoil you. he can’t help the small smile that creeps up on his face when he thinks about how excited you’ll be to see the gifts he got you.

thinking back on it, the guilt and shame he felt in his heart when you first saw him earlier today ate him up. he didn’t even know why he was feeling the way he was feeling so strongly. it was coincidence that it coincided with your trip, and he made sure that he would sound fun and happy over text as to not worry you. it wasn’t until a few days from when you were actually set to arrive that he didn’t even have the energy to talk or text you.

hell, he didn’t even have the energy to keep the apartment tidy or keep himself in check either. another pang of guilt hits him like a freight truck. he concludes that he’ll give you a spa day so he can clean everything up, not wanting you to worry about the mess he made.

he knows from the bottom of his heart that you’d never judge him or make him feel small for feeling the way he felt, he just feels so bad that he couldn’t even muster up the energy to greet you the way you deserved to be greeted. to kiss you. to hug you. to have a delicious dinner together and snuggle with you.

but no. after a long trip you had to come home and be worried for him. have the apartment be in disarray, have to see him be in disarray. fuck, you were worried enough to call up satoru.

he swears to himself that he’s gonna make it up to you. he swears that–

oh?

what?

suguru’s eyes widen, hands weakly dropping his shopping bags on the floor.

the entire apartment, top to bottom, is spotless.

dishes done and put away. dining table clean. living room tidy. is that… a bouquet of daffodils, his birth flower, on the counter? he also sees the bag from his favorite bakery right next to it too…

he walks around, astonished, at how you’ve made the apartment look brand new.

he reaches the bedroom and sees that the bed is made. his clothes have been clean, dried, and put up in hangers inside his closet. the nightstand, dresser, and bookcase all spotless and wiped free of dust.

a fresh smell envelopes his sinuses. he swallows the lump in his throat. did you smell the single cigarette he smoked? it seems like you aired out the whole apartment. in front of him is a beautiful sunset that waves at him from outside. a sunray beam kisses his cheeks. suguru blinks and feels something wet trailing down his face… it tastes salty on his lips. but feels so warm and sweet.

“suguru?” your angelic voice calls to him.

he turns around and sees you. fresh and clean, a beacon of warmth and illumination. a light blush dusting your cheeks no doubt from all of the hard work you’ve done.

“i ran you a bath. you up for it?” you tilt your head cutely at him, a silent plea in your eyes for him to agree.

feeling like his voice will betray him if he speaks, he nods softly. grabbing his hand, you take him to your shared bathroom, also totally spotless. your hands are soft and small in his, warm for once, because of you taking a hot shower and checking the temperature of the water for suguru’s bath. a sandalwood scent envelopes his nose, no doubt from the diffuser you put inside. he sees the romantic candles and rose petals around the bathtub and he can’t help the smile that overtakes his face.

“for me?” he rasps, a teasing tilt to his voice.

“always. everything and anything i do will always be for you.” you say it seriously. genuinely.

to you, it’s a vow. an oath.

his eyes widen slightly, but he closes them momentarily, not wanting any more tears to spill. he crinkles his eyes and smiles at you softly.

“you joining me?” he undresses, taking off his sweatshirt and t-shirt. showcasing his tan skin, toned abs, & muscles. his nipple piercings & belly button piercing are on full display and he giggles lightly as you ogle at his body, watching your eyes trace his numerous tattoos & piercings, absolutely mesmerized.

“maybe next time,” you smirk, a playful twinkle in your eyes. “figured i could do a little pamper session, is that alright with you?” you ask him caringly, wanting to make sure that he’s comfortable with it first & foremost.

he fears that if he speaks any louder than a whisper, the love that overcomes him will drown his airways. he rasps out a small, “yeah.”

always. anything and everything you do will always be right for me.

he gets into the bath and you try to not let your eyes trail down, instead focusing your gaze on his dragon tattoo that encompasses his entire back along with the mythological japanese creatures that trail up his arms and ribcage like tapestry. you see one of your favorites, a black and white beta fish upon his ribs, submerged underneath the water he’s in.

from this angle, you can also see your name that he tattooed behind his ear. smiling to yourself, you sit behind him, ready to begin the pamper session.

his sloshes the rose petals around with his fingers. the water is warm, is his first thought. i wish you were in here with me, is his second.

your fingers stroke his hair softly, lulling him into a false sense of security, and then you get to work, vigorously rubbing in his lavender shampoo. he can’t help the laugh that escapes him. for some reason anytime you two would take baths or take showers together, you would always wash his scalp aggressively. “this is how i wash my hair sugu! what’s a little run through gonna do? we gotta keep clean!” did clean mean damn near ripping out his hair follicles? possibly.

he’d never stop you or scold you however, he thinks it’s hilarious and an endearing trait of yours. when he washes your hair he makes sure to be as soft and careful as possible, almost lulling you to sleep. when you wash his hair however, it’s like you’re turbowashing a pickup truck. he figures this time he’ll give you a pass (he always does) considering that he doesn’t think he’s washed his hair in around a week and a half.

“gonna rinse now, okay?” he hums quietly, closing his eyes.

this almost feels like a purification process to him.

you lather shampoo in his hair once again wanting to do a double cleanse, this time a bit more softly. you massage his scalp, and he tips his head back. you start from the crown of his head, working in circular motions, using your fingertips. then you go to the roots of his hair, pressing and lathering, pressing and lathering, pressing and lathering.

you push his head forward slightly so you can clean the back of his head too, massaging the pressure points in his scalp. you were always a good masseuse, therefore a deep sigh escapes him, tension leaving his body by the second. (this might be the first time in two weeks where he’s been able to breathe comfortably.) you run your fingers throughout the clean strands of his hair, humming a little tune to yourself.

“they called me.” your hands still for second, but resume back to carefully twisting the water out his silky black hair. you stay quiet, knowing that when suguru speaks he prefers to get it all out there first.

“must’ve been like, what, two days after you left?” a humorless laugh escapes him. “they always know when to fuck up my mood. i swear.”

he sighs tiredly. “they went on a whole spiel about how i need to come back home and find a ‘real job’ as a hotshot lawyer or some fancy businessman, as if i don’t run my own tattoo parlor. as if i’m not also a real fucking businessman. like, do they think i don’t make any money? that i can’t comfortably take care of us both?” he rolls his eyes, getting annoyed again just thinking about how long the same repeated conversation had gone on.

suguru’s family is relatively well-off. he’s genuinely thankful that both him & satoru never had to worry about how to put food on the table or be worried about not being able to spoil the people that they loved.

it’s just that his parents were angry that their picture-perfect little boy wanted to spread his wings… see a world that had more to offer than quiet dinner table meals filled with tension and pointed jabs at one another guised as “caring advice.”

their image of suguru started to get distorted when he first showed up on their doorstep with his gauges. an act of rebellion. he could’ve worn small simple diamond studs but he wanted to make an impression: i’m my own person. even as a 13 year old boy, i can make this decision on my own. he remembers the way his father said he looked foolish. how his mother held her hand over her heart, in shock that her little baby boy had tainted himself in such a manner. what would others say?

suguru remembers looking in the mirror after the whole fiasco & thinking: god… they’d say i look so fucking cool.

then it started with sneaking out to go on late night drives with satoru, shoko, nanami, & haibara. they’d jam out to random songs on the radio, get slurpees & snacks, and sit in satoru’s car just talking about life and their future for hours. suguru still remembers the way his bangs wisped across his face, the crisp night air purifying his soul, the stars in the sky illuminating the landscape. the world seemed bigger those days and the gang were enjoying their teenage years. enjoying their youth.

he remembers coming home, his father waiting for him on the couch, pointing to the seat next to him, forcing suguru to sit down. his father’s arms crossed, black turtleneck making his muscles bulge slightly out of his sweater, his specs on the bridge of his nose making him look so serious. suguru found it easy to make eye contact with everyone in the world, but with his father he couldn’t help but look away sometimes… so he redirected his gaze to the tiny delicate beauty mark near his fathers right eye. a small little thing that made his father look a bit more… prettier. nicer. less daunting.

“where were you?” the timbre of his father’s voice rattled his bones. he muttered those three words quietly, but it still shattered suguru’s eardrums regardless.

“out. with my friends.”

he scoffs. “some friends they are.” a deep resounding ring of utter disappointment comes from his father’s words.

suguru sneers at the man, pissed that he would even think to disrespect suguru’s choice of friends like that. “yeah, they’re the best.” not an ounce of sarcasm lacing his words. his own mood dampened, nevertheless.

he recalls stomping all the way upstairs and slamming the door with all his might. sitting on his bed and resting his head against the window pane, eyes looking up at the same stars he saw when hanging out with his friends.

the stars seemed so far away from suguru’s room.

the world looked so big. suguru felt so small.

then one day, months later, suguru kissed a pretty boy. he can’t quite remember his name anymore, just that his lips were soft and his eyes were kind. suguru’s parents found out. his dad was surprisingly fine with it… he just assumed it was a phase, he went through the same thing as his son did when he was his age. his mother however… she just acted like it never happened the next morning. as if it wasn’t just a part of who he is.

his parents thought he was rebelling for the sake of rebellion. in actuality, it was suguru’s true self coming out. he was just getting more comfortable in his own skin. he was tired of being the picture perfect beauty who always was demanded of being polite, poised, & graceful. it was always too easy for him to put on a fake smile and manipulate others into doing what he wanted for the sake of his family’s reputation, it’s what he was taught. being at that house, it felt like he was kept on a tight leash, restricted from living his life. he felt caged like a bird…

but he just wanted to be free.

all he wanted was to just truly be himself in this world.

a kiss against his scalp breaks him out of his reverie.

right… he was here with you. he doesn’t have to spiral or worry anymore. you’re here. with him.

you’re here, you’re here, you’re here.

he shudders softly, taking your hand, holding it tight within his grasp. anger laces his next words, “they also said it’s time i get into a ‘real relationship’. whatever the fuck that means.”

you giggle. you know that his parents aren’t too fond of you. you’re not exactly of the same… class or status as them. at least that’s what suguru’s mother told him.

he huffs out a single dry laugh, “i’m glad you’re giggling about it because i nearly popped a fucking blood vessel screaming into my phone when they said that shit.”

“my protector.” you coo to him.

a light blush tinges his cheeks. always.

he presses a kiss against your palm. “i think it just made me… spiral a bit, y’know? reminded me of when i was kid and they made every little decision for me. i mean i’m a fucking adult now — i can decide what i do, who i wanna be, and who i want to be with.”

so when he got that phone-call from them on that day he was supposed to go to some rock concert… he did the one thing he promised himself he’d never do again. he lit a cigarette, and cried his eyes out into his pillow.

while sobbing, he remembered when he was in his early twenties and he’d sleep around with anyone and everyone, smoke blunts & cigarettes, go bar-hopping… do everything the picture-perfect pretty boy would never be allowed to do under his parents roof. his family just made him so miserable that he would do anything to not think of them.

he heard your voice in his head, reminding him, that instead of continuing on that self-destructive streak, he got his shit together. art & drawing was always his safe haven, so he found himself an apprenticeship at a tattoo parlor, getting a job as a piercer and ultimately working his way up to being a tattooist. he owns his own place now — all his hard work & effort paid off.

his mind travels back to you. his true love.

ever since the moment he met you, he was mesmerized by your beauty, your personality, and your loving words & actions.

suguru’s heart and sobs only calmed down when he thought of you. his beloved. his angel. his reason to be. he hugged your pillow a bit tighter that night, imagining it was you.

“i’m proud of you, you know.” you say it so genuinely that it tugs on his heartstrings, making his heart skip a beat.

“you’ve been through a lot of shit with your parents, but at the end of the day, you chose to follow what your heart desired — not whatever they wanted. you’re successful in what you do and you made the right decision. it doesn’t matter what the hell they say, because they don’t know the effort and time it took you to get where you are.” you say it so passionately, that suguru believes every word that comes out of your mouth. his heart racing, thankful that somebody fucking understands him.

“you’re kind. you’re caring. you’re so unbelievably loving. you’re always looking out for others and helping anyone that needs it… you’re a good fucking person, suguru. i hope you know that and realize that. it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, you are good. what you do is good. who you are is good. it’s an honor to be able to love you and be with you. i hope you know that.”

for the first time in a while, suguru turns around and really looks at you. the way you bare your soul to him so effortlessly, the way you smile so sweetly at him, the way you make him feel like he’s your one true love.

“i’m so thankful for you. i love you… and i want to be with you, too. always.” his voice breaks a little, overcome with emotion.

suguru hugs you tightly, neither of you caring about the wetness on your clothes. suguru puts his entire spectrum of feelings towards you into the hug — an apology, a thank you, and a proclamation of love.

voice a bit shaky, he laughs, “sorry for getting you all wet. i know how much you hate drenched clothes.”

“you apologizing for getting me wet? now that’s a first.” you purr playfully, glad to see him in better spirits.

a loud laugh bellows out from suguru, deep within his gut. he kisses your lips preciously, and sits back down in the water, urging you to continue.

the mood now is far lighter. the air thick with a sweet steam.

you rinse his hair and gently put his lavender conditioner through his hair. massaging it in, running your fingers through his silky smooth strands. you put his hair up in a clip for a few minutes to let the product soak in. he washes it out himself while you start the shower, making sure you put in his favorite honey-almond bodywash. he gives you a silly yet oddly sultry show when he lathers himself and he promptly comes out, steaming and refreshed. you help him do his skincare routine, softly rubbing each and every product into his skin. he towels off and sits down, hairbrush in his hand, looking at you.

“here, let’s do this first.” you blow dry his hair, taking your time and allowing suguru to lull his head back onto your front, the soft black tresses of your beloved’s hair feeling much more revitalized in your fingers. you then brush his hair, gently, carefully. the entire time, you notice that suguru’s eyes are closed and he’s smiling to himself. you kiss him on the top of his head, and he turns to kiss you back. eyes closed, his lips puckered…

but just then, the doorbell rings.

“OOH! perfect timing!” you scurry off. you leave a pouting suguru who huffs out a little “hmph.” annoyed that whoever was at the door took a very well-deserved kiss away from him.

he patters softly to the kitchen where you’re setting out cold zaru soba noodles for him along with a can of sprite and matcha crepes. all of his favorites.

you hold a bouquet of flowers. daffodils.

“for you.” you curtsy, a mirthful twinkle in your eyes. he graciously accepts them from you, a shy smile and light flush across his cheeks.

“thank you.”

kissing his knuckles you whisper, “anything for you.”

for once in his whole entire life, suguru doesn’t think he can bear to look you in the eye. your adoration is so unbelievably intense, it feels like it’ll burn a hole inside his heart. does he deserve so much goodness in his life?

“you deserve more than what i can give you. i’ll spend my whole life making sure you realize that, suguru.” you say to him honestly. “if you’ll allow me of course.”

he kisses you on the lips softly, hoping that you can feel how thankful and lucky he is that he has you. “likewise.”

he clears his throat. “okay, c’mon. i’m starving. i wanna watch that stupid anime and shit talk that hot guy you like on screen while we snuggle.”

“he’s the best character, suguru!” you huff indignantly. clearly he can’t be talking about thee toji fushiguro???

“babe. he SUCKS.”

he knows you so well, he muses to himself.

he knows how your breath hitches after he nuzzles his lips against the curve of your neck, that the skin is sensitive there, but not as sensitive as your right ear. he knows that because of the way your knees buckle as he whispers soft romances to you, intense shivers overtaking your body. he makes sure that his arm is always wrapped tender yet firmly around your waist when that happens, trapping you against his unyielding body.

he knows what makes you tick. on the rare occasion that you allow your emotions to overcome you, he knows how to comfort you. he leaves you alone for a few moments so you’re able to gather your thoughts & assess your bearings, and then he invites you into his warm embrace. he lets you lay your head in his lap as he strokes your hair gingerly, easing your soul with both honest and kind words. adorning your face with soft kisses and even softer caresses. a cocoon of protection.

it seems like these days, however, he hasn’t had a proper grasp on you. you can’t hide a single thing from him, he knows that you would never willingly do so either.

it’s not like you want to anyways — not that you intend to, at least.

but it’s an aching feeling in his chest, nonetheless.

earlier in the week, you’d softly shut your bedroom door whenever you saw him, pretending as if you couldn’t see each other… as if he wasn’t there. it’s moments where he found you haphazardly digging for shit in your drawers, tucking whatever it was into your pockets and padding away softly to your room. you’d stay in there for hours, only coming out when he knocked on your door to tell you dinner was ready. he heard lots of rustling and you pretended as if you were just chilling in there, as if nothing was going on. sometimes when he knocked on your door to see what you were up to, all he heard back was an “i’m busy, baby! i’ll be out soon!” then it became even more odd, you’d quickly shut off your phone whenever he came into the room and would plaster a bright smile at him as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

he sighs to himself. he trusts you. he loves you. he knows you’re not doing anything heinous.

but… why won’t you tell him what’s bothering you? don’t you trust him to fix whatever is wrong? it eats away at his mind & soul that you think you have to hide whatever it is that’s taking you from him. don’t you know that he’d drop anything for you? that’s what being in love is for, right?

his eyes peer at you from the couch, studying you. he calls out to you softly, “angel. can we talk, please?”

a statement posed as a question. he knows this. you know this. you answer regardless.

“sure.”

you walk towards him, intentionally adding a lackadaisical swagger to your steps. to fool him. you know it won’t, he knows it won’t. but suguru isn’t anything if a man who doesn’t indulge his beloved.

he pats the seat next to him on the couch. inviting. as if he’s giving you a choice, even though you know you have none at the moment. “sit next to me, my love.” his smile is taut like a string, amber eyes shut closed so you don’t bear witness to the tears that threaten to spill.

he knows you’re hiding something.

he doesn’t like not being in the know.

is it something he did?

is it something you did but are too afraid to tell him?

since when were you afraid of him?

were you always–?

in the few seconds it takes you to sit down, a myriad of questions race through suguru’s head, creating a spiral of untamable negative thoughts. you would talk to him if something was wrong, right? you both have a healthy communication and always talk things over with each other… so what’s different now? do you not trust him?

suguru chastises himself, thoroughly.

of course you wouldn’t want to speak to someone like him.

always the overthinker. always the nagging negative nancy. always the manic-depressive.

sometimes suguru fears that he acts more like a father to you rather than a boyfriend.

that he’s a bit suffocating. too intense. very overbearing.

a warm hand engulfs both of your small, cold ones. he hopes that it comes off as sweet, as caring. because he himself is sweet and caring.

at least he hopes he comes off like that.

“is everything alright, sweetheart?” a soft whisper. he speaks placatingly to you like you’re a newborn fawn and any loud noises or large movements will make you jolt and run away. “i feel like… you’ve been avoiding me recently. and…” he takes a deep breath. “listen, i don’t know if it’s something i did, but you need to tell me, okay? you have to tell me so i can make it better.”

he thinks he sounds nurturing. kind. paternal.

he also thinks he sounds so fucking condescending.

he closes his eyes and a picture of a man darts across his eyelids like an overdeveloped photo.

strict, heavy-handed, cutthroat.

paternal and protective to a fault. a man who was always “right” even when he was wrong.

an “apathetic” man who bore a child who thought too much – felt too much.

a flash of a sophisticatedly handsome man with obsidian shoulder length hair, serious low-lidded eyes, and a firm closed mouth sears itself across suguru’s brain like a charred photograph.

he flings away the afterimage as quickly as it came. pretending as if he never even thought of it.

he gulps, swallowing the fireball in his throat. god, he really doesn’t want to be like… him. having a majority of his features is enough, he does not want to inherit that man’s personality.

suguru absentmindedly rubs the slit in his eyebrow, his grip unintentionally tightening on your hands. he releases moments after, not wanting to cause you any pain.

“everything is fine with me sugu, i promise you.” you reassure him. “it wasn’t my intention to avoid you or make you feel like you did anything wrong… i am so sorry if it came off like that.” you answer him honestly. your head is tilted to the side like a little puppy, brows furrowed, upset that you made him feel like you were trying to get away from him.

“no, no no no no no, baby it’s not your fault.” he quickly grabs your cheeks, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. he brings you against his chest, hugging you tightly. “don’t apologize honey, i’m sorry… i just got into my head a bit.” he quickly placates you and kisses the top of your head. you shouldn’t be the one to suffer because he started to anxiously overthink and spiral.

he looks at the time on his watch. it’s a few minutes past midnight. you both should go to sleep… maybe you can talk it over in bed or in the morning with clear heads.

you exhale softly, shaking your head faintly. you press a delicate kiss against the corner of his lips. telling him, “give me a sec.”, you walk over and into your room.

he nods and watches you saunter away, putting his head into his hands. god… him and his big mouth… he sighs, anxiety crawling up his throat once more. he really didn’t want to upset you or anything, he angrily tells himself to apologize to you when you get back.

hearing you shuffle closer to him, he lifts his head.

in your hands is a… huge book?

“i wanted to give you this tomorrow… well technically today, but i guess it doesn’t really matter.”

he tilts his head, confused. you present him with the thing you’ve been working so hard on.

you smile at him so softly, he thinks that his heart is about to burst. “happy birthday, suguru.”

birthday…? oh god, it is his birthday.

he gently takes the present from you… it’s a scrapbook.

“don’t look at it in front of me! okay, bye!” you quickly sprint into your room, not wanting to be in the room when suguru looks at such a personalized present.

blinking, he grabs his reading glasses from the coffee table, and opens the book, flipping through each page carefully.

photobooth pictures, polaroids, kodak film pictures, movie ticketes from your dates, admission tickets from amusement parks he’s taken you to, and multiple candids of both him and you - many of which he hasn’t seen.

one of them looks awfully familiar… did you take this the day you took him stargazing in the meadow? his fingers brush against his trembling lips, trying to stop himself from sobbing.

is this what you were doing?

he feels so stupid.

but god… does he feel so fucking loved.

you’ve immortalized every single moment of your relationship with him. nothing being too small for you to be excited about, carefully keeping everything.

he sees the little pressed flower of a daffodil enclosed in wax paper on one of the pages, probably from the first time you gave him a bouquet. the first time anyone has presented him with flowers without wanting anything in return. when asked about the occasion, you simply shrugged and said “just felt like it” & then quickly kissed his knuckles, zooming out of his apartment to run errands. he remembers how bashful he felt. how thankful he was. how loved that experience made him feel.

he moves his glasses upwards, wiping the tears across his lashline and the ones that stream down his face. he clears his throat slightly, and continues flipping the pages. you’ve drawn little doodles (things that he’s already planning to get tattooed on him simply because they came from you) and you’ve written beautiful, personal messages. encapsulating your adoration for suguru in the margins — genuine words filled with your love, devotion, and admiration for him.

he sniffs loudly and tries to wipe his face the best he can. he tenderly calls out your name, beckoning you over to him, and you get up out of your shared bedroom to pad softly into his open arms.

“my love.” he stands up and walks over to you midway. he hugs you so tightly while pressing your head against his beating heart, his arms protectively enveloping you. the space between you two is nonexistent, and suguru surmises that he wouldn’t have it any other way.

conveying his thankfulness and love to you, he sweetly says, “my sweet, sweet girl.” a soft kiss pressed against your hair, “my heart beats for you, forever and always.” from anyone else it’d sound cheesy, but from suguru… you know he means it from the depths of his soul.

“my little dove.” he coos so fondly, sweet candied sugar dripping from every syllable. he holds your face in his gentle hands, openly divulging his admiration for you, “you’re so precious to me, you know that? i love you. i love you. i love you.” a tender kiss pressed against your soft lips between each proclivity of adoration.

you smile graciously, thankful and relieved that he adores your present and that he especially adores you. you knew out of any of your presents that you were going to give him today, that this would be the most meaningful. suguru has always been the ultimate sentimentalist, and you wanted him to know that you care for him so deeply. that you love him. adore him. that your heart beats only for him. pushing back a black tendril of your true love’s hair behind his ear, you kiss him gently. both of your lips fitting together perfectly — like a lock & key.

you bring his knuckles upon your lips, preciously kissing his promise ring, ensuring to him that your love and devotion runs deep, deeper than anything in this world.

“i love you too. happy birthday, my love.” his hands are so gentle. his face is so sweet. suguru… your one true love.

if you asked suguru to describe you in three words, he’d say you were: devoted. loyal. loving.

he has four more of his own on the tip of his tongue that he’ll say to you when he musters up the courage.

with a soft kiss upon the ring on your knuckles, and an even softer smile upon his lips, he lovingly breathes out, “私はあなたを永遠に愛します”

[taegimood]

THE CHA CHA TIKTOK HELP ME I WATCHED IT ON REPEAT SO MANY TIMES 😖😖😖😖 can’t even imagine what his thrusts would feel like… a simple, normal thrust from him could already have you WINDED from his size, so just imagine him chasing his own orgasm after you’ve already came around him twice, overstimulating you to the max just from the way he moves his hips with such dancer’s precision 😵‍💫 skin slapping against yours over and over as you’re gripping onto his arms, so stuffed full of his big long cock that you’re shaking and gasping 🤧 they’d all be SO good w their hips since they’re dancers oh gosh..

the same way we talk abt soobin sucking your tits all the time, i imagine him letting you suck on his fingers. you sitting with your back to his chest and he’s fingering you with one hand, while you grip his other in your smaller ones and suck his slender fingers into your mouth, whimpering and moaning around them. or even when you’re not doing anything else, just cuddling or something, you just love laying there sucking on them and it turns him on so bad 😮‍💨 almost always turns into something more cuz he just can’t help himself when your warm wet tongue is swirling around his fingers like that.. goes from simply watching you to trailing kisses along your neck to full-blown soft, passionate sex as he murmurs dirty things in your ear.

fucks you from behind in front of the bathroom mirror so you can see the way his giant hand wraps fully around your throat.. doesn’t even have to squeeze for you to lose it, cuz the sight alone is enough to make your knees weak. the both of you love fucking in front of mirrors to feed your mutual size kink, his big hands around your waist, on your thighs, covering your tits, decorating your neck.. everything is big..

and omfg that chest to chest position w you on top is EVERYTHING. effortlessly fucking up into you as he holds you down onto him with his arms wrapped firmly around you, the angle delicious and inescapable as he drives his cock balls deep over and over and over. sigh cee you get me

i have one more thought that i’m gonna make an entirely separate post for tomorrow…

No because there's size kink and then there's Soobin size kink... you know? He's got NO BUSINESS being that tall and hands and legs and– and– hhhhhhhh

STOP BECAUSE HE’S SO BIG BUT SO GENTLE aside from when he’s got beomgyu on a hit list AND HE LITERALLY WOULDN’T EVEN HAVE TO DO ANYTHING EXTRA TO SEND YOU RIGHT OVER THE EDGE BECAUSE HE’S JUST SO ??? BIG ???

EVERYTHING about him is bigger than you… he could still be so gentle but it would all feel like so much. one finger is enough to bring tears to your eyes. one caress to your throat and you’re seeing stars. size training to help you fit his massive cock into your poor little pussy.. he’s barely even done anything yet and you’re already falling apart on him, big broad bunny and his little pillow princess so dumb on his cock 🤧

soft sex where he’s got you wrapped up in his arms and if someone were to walk in they wouldn’t even see that there was a second person there, because his broad frame covers yours completely as he hovers over you, pulling you close and fucking you so deep. whispering how good you’re taking him and how he’s so proud of you… kisses to your temple and soft, breathless moans in your ear as he feels the way your warm walls suck him in.

and ofc don’t even talk to me about the more passionate sex that has your tongue lolling and eyes rolling just from his pace alone. bouncing you effortlessly up and down on his cock as you’re too fucked out to do anything but moan his name. holding your hips up off the bed in missionary as he thrusts into you, his eyes fixated on the bulge in your tummy and knowing that he’s the one putting it there. fingering you into oblivion as he studies every expression your face makes, and he’s practically drooling while he watches and feels the way your pussy clenches around his long, slender fingers as he pounds them into your cunt just right.

i’ve mentioned this before when they joked about it in their live but soobin’s slaps are no joke and he doesn’t even realize it.. i can imagine his shock when he’s got you ass up, not even fully inside you yet as he gives you a simple spank and you instantly cum right then and there. he didn’t even think he hit you that hard, but you’re gasping and spasming around him just from one spank from his huge ass hand and he’s literally just. the surprised pikachu meme. baby doesn’t know his own strength.. his own size..

leads me into himbo!servicetop!soobin thoughts 😖 just wants to make you feel so so good and he guesses he’s doing it right from the way you’re moaning and writhing underneath him, so he just keeps going, pounding his fat cock into you the way you seem to always like it, panting and whining and grunting as he holds you in place to keep you from jolting up the bed with every thrust. so big and strong and exerting himself till he’s dizzy just to keep those pretty sounds coming out of your mouth as you cum around him over and over and over again. edges himself, overstimulates himself, he doesn’t care — gives it all to you even though he’s so confused about what it is that gets you off so much. he doesn’t understand how big he is and how delicious it feels to you.. doesn’t know why your body responds so intensely when he manhandles you even just a little.. why you could get yourself off just from licking and sucking on his fingers alone.

speaking of sucking, size training your pussy is one thing, but your mouth? holding your hair gently into a ponytail and watching you with his lip between his teeth as he gives little shallow thrusts to your throat, easing you into it, his poor baby’s mouth already completely stuffed and he’s not even halfway in yet :(( also thinking about you going to bestfriend!soob to ask him if you can practice deepthroating on him because you KNOW he must be massive, so who better to ask than him? and his initial spluttering, red-faced shock eventually turns into his legs spread wide with you between them as he melts into the couch, head tipped back against the top of it and jaw slack as he uses your ponytail to bob your head up and down on his cock, his moaning shamelessly loud, not giving a single fuck how messy it is as everything is covered in spit and drool and pre-cum. his cock is just too big, too much for your little throat, and the both of you are obsessed as you gag on it till you can’t breathe.

hard dom, soft dom, switch, sub, no dynamics at all — IT ALL APPLIES W SOOBIN + SIZE KINK 😩

i repeat. soobin is just. so big in every way that he would barely even have to lift a finger to make you never want another man’s cock again.

so you can only imagine what it must be like with what we know of soobin: that he’s competitive, and he always puts in the work.

[theworld-accordingtocasey]

"It means a lot to me to have a home-cooked meal," you counter. "No matter what, I'm sure it will taste delicious." 

I’m thinking now have I’ve not eaten anything of substance (as in, not bug stew 😖) other than ramen noodles for a while now, except the morning I tried to jump Ty..

"Our arrangement is less than conventional," he says, clearing his throat. "In some ways we're lucky to have each other, in others . . . well. Like most partnerships outside the Dome's ours is driven by necessity. And . . ."

Yes??? 👀👂🏾

You glance up, catching the bob in his throat as he finishes swallowing whatever he was about to say. "Let's eat, shall we? Hopefully this is edible."

OH CMON DONT JUST LEAVE ME HANGING!! 😩

"Right," he says with a sigh. "But what about being loved?"

🥺 cue my waterworks …

"Why imagine something impossible," you say, finally meeting his gaze.

Poor me :c

"Whether you like it or not, your existence is a potential spark for change. Your genetics aren't an anomaly, I believe they were deliberately developed and implanted within the Imperial bloodline to change the outcome of designated rule."

( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉ )

"If you followed in the footsteps of your grandmother and produced the next generation of heirs, you would be doing so with the ability to introduce the Nostradomina strain as a baseline for any future offspring,” he explains. “Your mother understood that if the elders found this out, you would be summarily executed.” 

(ʘ ͟ʖ ʘ)

So… this is the secret in the summary I reckon •_•

"So that's what you really care about." You pull your hand back. "If you think I have anything to share that I haven't under torture than no, you are right. I do not think this pack is capable of being worthy of me." 

Whatever tears you've shed run dry, again. Best not to spend another moment being seduced into complacency by a man with a pretty voice and careful words.

No lie fr I fell for it too and forgot who tf the crackpot unhinged paranoiac conspiracy theorist I am! :( he duped both me’s…..

"I think we need each other for survival," you say. "I am grateful that we can align on mutual interests. But please don't mistake me for someone who believes you would ever put my needs over those of this pack's or Taeyong’s. As long as we understand that, we don't need to pretend.”

The cold shock of how easily I (me-me, not y/n-me) drank the Kool-Aid, even after sending an ask saying how I have a hard time believing they really care, is freezing lol

Like he didn’t even try to convince me that he wasn’t trying to finesse me! Wow…”I’m truly sorry” ARE YOU??? Snake-rabbit…

Graves in this conflict were euphemistic: when you died there was no one to write home for you or carry your dogtags back, you were just a number on a screen for some scum who paid enough for the Millitech commission and maybe gave you a meal if they shot enough promotional footage to pay for it.

Like a…last meal on death row? 😳

The stories that had come out of his Academy days painted him as unforgiving in hand-to-hand combat, enacting punishments on Alphas who tested him based on his smaller size.

GOOD FOR HIM! 🌹👏🏾

"Private, you can either apologize for attempting to hit a superior officer or be gang-planked well before we reach port."

GANGPLANKED?!!

BITCHHHHHHH 👏🏾👹

"I will throw you off this ship personally if I see your face or those of your compatriots, do you understand me?"

the solution to his problem had been there from the start. 

??????👀??????what problem?

". . . Including my own death."

WHAT!???

"Mercy?" Yuta says. "That suicide note is a writ of execution to be carried out by whoever sent her here."

Oh…😮‍💨fuck I thought it was his own note or something…phew— not that me having a suicide note is good either but I’d feel worse if it was Ty, he’s too wholesome…

Chile let me just go back and read that scene from the top now that I know I misinterpreted it lol 😅

🔄

*Ok. Now I see how my eyes somehow skipped the ___ in the name..see fellas, this is why it’s good to read slowly👻

"...𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚕𝚞𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚢 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑."

Wait so I’m suicidal again?? is this the thing I mentioned at the end of my talk with Doyoung? Or it could also be me trying to get the head honchos off our asses so I can integrate into the pack and they won’t look for me? (Idk if this would stop em but it’d be worth a hypothetical try if that’s what is happening here…)

"Mercy?" Yuta says. "That suicide note is a writ of execution to be carried out by whoever sent her here.”

SHUT UP YUTA

-also yes dy is sooo right, like wtf would I give you any information that could compromise us when you’ve alr massively fucked up before declaring you’re leaving AND aren’t even the least bit sorry about what happened? Boy bye

Tap tap tap. Thunk thunk thunk. Tap tap tap.

Me, ever suspicious: is that L.O.L ? Are they mocking this chaotic mess???

Also me: I should look up Morse code before I say that bUT WHY ELSE WOULD THEY BE LAUGHING

Update: poor attempt at trying to figure out my bad interpretation i thought “s.o.s”? But then that’s not funny so there’s not a reason to laugh at that…am puzzled

a gentle tongue breaketh the bone | 17: chivalry

pairing: fem hybrid fox omega!reader/hybrid Alpha!nct 127

tags: reverse harem, non-traditional omegaverse hybrid! cyberpunk au, pack dynamics, polyamory, slowburn/slowbuild, angst & hurt/comfort, heavy content warnings inc. torture, graphic violence, suicidal ideation, explicit sexual content

summary: the year is 2127. decades of eugenics and warfare have led to the rise of designated populations: the ruler Alphas and their rare, prized omegas sequestered from the Beta population. in the aftermath of the War of the Two Tigers, New Goryeo ushers in an Imperial dynasty determined not by birthright but by the alliance of the Syndicate’s clancorps to choose the best pack of your generation. you are destined to take your place within the Imperial harem as a queen, and–perhaps–Imperatrix herself

but you have a secret, written into your skin and bones–one that could easily kill you, depending on who finds it out

ten years ago you chose your Alpha and their pack in a fateful meeting

now, you must make them choose you

[masterlist & glossary] [read on AO3] [0: prologue] [1: escape, again] [2: lost and found] [3: returned] [4: bound] [5: home] [6: gift] [7: reunion] [8: security] [9: secret] [10: prisoner] [11: gambit] [12: haze] [13: shock] [14: feral] [15: release] [16: acceptance]

wc: 5k

chapter warnings:  none except mild xenophobia, racism (one use of an anti-japanese slur)

recommended listening: STREAM FACT CHECK BY 127 (in all seriousness, though, Misty is my favorite of the new b-sides and works well for this)

Doyoung's insistence that you move into his shared executive suite with Taeyong proves to be a challenge. For one, Taeyong’s nest horrifies you–a sentiment seemed to be shared by his mate.

"He spent most of his childhood in a bunker," Doyoung explains. "You don't have to stay in the foxhole." 

Taeyong had created the darkest, strangest abode possible: a closed space built into his half of the apartment that you have to almost crawl into. Deep inside it’s lit by a variety of warm lights set off by graffitied walls and a maximalist approach to bedding and adornments. You peer only for a few seconds into the abyss through the smaller entrance, sniffing at the faded musk scents before ducking back up and shaking your head. 

"It feels . . . Wrong to intrude," you state quietly. "Doesn't he need it right now?" 

Doyoung's sigh is palpable. "He’ll survive. Until you're ready he'll stay with the person who most closely matches your profile."

Of course, you think. Johnny. 

"I can be ready," you say. It's not a statement that extends to your heart, not after everything, but you'd been raised to duty. 

Doyoung drops your luggage to place his hands against your upper arms, touch featherlight to keep you from feeling caged. 

"Absolutely not. Not until Taeil clears you. Until then you are still in recovery. From here on you are not doing anything that isn't your heart's design and by your own will." 

You blink up at him, eyes blurring with tears. "I didn't know you were so nice." 

"Don't tell my enemies." He laughs softly, gaze a little sad. "It does seem you've been shown a woeful lack of hospitality, in addition to . . . everything else." 

You shake your head. "Let's not." 

"Right, you need to eat first. And then we'll talk about what comes next." 

You expect to be able to help him–almost want to serve him to see how he would respond–but Doyoung forbids you from the huge, open kitchen. He has a bit of an addled and untrained approach to his work that has you feeling a little lighter as you gently offer suggestions with suppressed laughter in your voice. 

"Taeyong usually does this," he says, unfazed by your amusement or the way you gently correct him before he can add sugar in place of salt.

"It means a lot to me to have a home-cooked meal," you counter. "No matter what, I'm sure it will taste delicious." 

You watch him grow a few inches, long back straightening as he preens under your attention. For a moment you are transported to a different life entirely–one in which you feel like the vagaries of your kind can be ignored. 

"Here," he says, pouring you something milky white into a bowl from a bottle. "Just something to dull the day."

"Rice wine?" You ask after taking a sniff. 

"We have a building resident who brews with a traditional process. It's not too heady, but take it slow."

"Thank you," you murmur, sipping. The taste is slightly chalky but sparkling with ferment, light and sweet on your tongue. "For everything."

Doyoung relaxes a little, as if already dancing on the same wavelength of your emotion.

"I wanted to spend time with you tonight, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind." You shake your head, drinking deeper.

Doyoung's dark eyes dart away, cheek pulled between his teeth as he thinks.

 "I will, of course, let you sleep here on your own–"

"Oh no. Please," you look up at him, frantically. "Please don't leave me alone." 

You quell your anxiety attack, rambling a bit. "Even just to sleep, I need someone. You smell . . . You smell very nice to me."

Doyoung's eyes grow wide, frozen in the act of capping the bottle. Remembering your first conversation at the dinner table has you second-guessing your words. 

"Not that way. I mean, I won't bite you, I promise. I just appreciate having you here."

He's just as startled by your response as you are to having it, diffusing the awkwardness by pouring you more makgeolli, a smile tugging at the corner of his prim mouth.

"You're very kind to worry," he says. "But I can manage myself. I'm honored by your trust and your willingness to keep me company."

You flush, face heating. "I'm not causing you any problems with Taeyong?"

Although your litany of failures was impressive, coming between a pairbond match was not something you could forgive yourself for. He smells deeply of your new mate, more fox than anyone here for the clinging of musk on his skin.

"Our arrangement is less than conventional," he says, clearing his throat. "In some ways we're lucky to have each other, in others . . . well. Like most partnerships outside the Dome's ours is driven by necessity. And . . ."

You glance up, catching the bob in his throat as he finishes swallowing whatever he was about to say. "Let's eat, shall we? Hopefully this is edible."

Thankfully, the tofu stew is perfect, otherwise the drink would easily go to your head. He keeps an eye on your indulgence but your cup is filled consistently. Doyoung sits beside you at the table rather than across, an arrangement that makes you feel safer eating without reservation, nose in your bowl.

The conversation melts away the tension and the occasional splinter of pain in your body, muscles easing with the wine and his company. He seems to have a boundless knowledge of court gossip, even details the years should have swept away, and you find yourself more you–more the person you remembered even if that had been its own kind of artifice. 

You avoid talking about anything personal until it can no longer wait, once he's finished with the dishes and brings your things to his beautifully clean and open bedroom. It's clear his aesthetic sensibilities are more aligned with your own–white and gray surfaces broken up only by the occasional houseplant or art piece.

Much more comfortingly, you are saturated in Alpha scent–a marine quality to it that shines through the wafting sweetness of his prey genome. 

"I have a favor to ask," you say, sitting on the edge of the oversized bed, holding yourself to keep the tremors fixed inside you. 

"Anything," he says, remaining at a distance. 

"I would like . . . " you begin, faltering. "If I'm chosen, I need your help. Integrating into this life. As this pack's omega."

The heaviness returns. You're tired, of course, satisfyingly full. But you feel better than you have in days. His response is a counterweight to that feeling. 

"Can I ask you something that may be too personal for you to answer?" Doyoung asks. 

Your heart sinks, recognizing the beginning of a difficult conversation. You had known there wasn't enough time to protest your inclusion–your acceptance of them did not mean they accepted you. No, that would be up for vote at the tribunal, if the pack even remained. 

"As it pleases you," you nod. 

Doyoung kneels down in front of you, the wide cant of his shoulders dipping as he takes your hand. Your heartbeat is racing, but not from fear. You fixate on the veins leading to the back of his wrists, and the tenderness of his thumb over your trembling fingers.

"I feel like I know everything about you, but we really haven't had time to talk without pretense," he says softly. "I want you to know that you're safe with me."

"I know," you say, not sure of it even as you speak it.

"Please be honest with yourself, if not for me," he says. 

Fear paces up and down your spine but you will your fox to relax, held still.

"___," he says. "If, in another world, another life, we'd been allowed to be the pack you chose instead of the one forced upon you. Do you believe we could have ever been worthy of you?" 

Worthy? Your ears flatten back, chin ducking autonomically in half-hearted submission. "I don't know what you mean."

"Imagine there wasn't a disparity between our numbers. You were free to choose any mate you desired. No designation even. Have you ever considered what you would look for in a potential partner? Or partners?"

You remember being a child, told you were something special. One worthy of being selected, and courted long before the ceremonies that preceded mating. Not a person or an equal, perhaps, but a prize to be treasured. 

The word worthy continues to prick at you, making you feel cold and more hollow.

"I hadn't considered it." You admit, peering up just far enough to take in his serious expression. "I think even if I had I would accept that whoever chose me would never know if it was . . ."

Just biology. Compulsion. Determined fate.

"What would be the point?" you say, airily. "It's not like any of us have a real choice in this world who we're drawn to."

Or what would tear you apart.

"Right," he says with a sigh. "But what about being loved?"

Love. 

That word breaks you in its own way, hearing it spoken aloud. It almost makes you sick. 

You'd never imagined being loved. Desired, yes–for what you represented or could offer. A conditional transaction, upheld through mutual courtesy if not mutual respect.

No, being loved–loving someone–is an ugly and messy thing, you think. 

"Why imagine something impossible," you say, finally meeting his gaze. His eyes are so dark you'd never noticed the lovely amber quality to them on the edges, the hare bleeding through.

"May I explain?" he asks.

You nod to indicate you're fine with whatever persuasion he's been mulling over, but inside you feel bolstered to defend your position. 

"Wouldn't you look for someone who treats you with loving-kindness? Someone who prioritizes your needs over their own?" he asks, tentatively.

You shake your head, lip trembling. "It sounds like a child's fantasy."

"It goes back to the ancient code of chivalry. Even Alphas are taught to protect those perceived as weaker–to give them aid without questioning it, to protect those who cannot protect themselves."

Of course, you think, fighting the urge to roll your eyes. He's a Romantic. Chivalric dury was something you'd been immersed in since your first education in the Academy, but you'd yet to see it in action outside of protecting kin and country. No Alpha was capable of true sacrifice, to you it's just a mask to better humanize the ugly truth of a dominating and self-serving nature. 

"You find this droll," he says, understanding your disinterest. "I admit it's just a code of honor that no one really believes in, anymore."

"No," you say, shaking off your prejudices. "I think it has value. But I would rather have honesty."

Doyoung is surprisingly quiet, waiting for you to continue. 

"If someone considers me less powerful or something to be helped," you shudder at your own choice of terminology, "I would rather them be honest with their intent than to deign to show me mercy."

"Easier to judge the motivations of those who would do you harm, right?" Doyoung's smile takes on a wry edge. "I was raised in the Palace, too, you know."

"Oh, I know," you say. "I think I was a few years behind yours on instruction but Master Park Jinyoung did a number on us both, didn't he?"

You don't call upon your teaching in ancient history but rather etiquette, no class before yours or after insusceptible to a lesson delivered by a handsome Alpha who looked each of his subjects in the eye when delivering instructions. He’d drilled a great deal into you, much of it related to proper behavior. But especially that of courtship.  

He squeezes your fingers, rolling his head to hide his embarrassment. 

"Pardon me for preaching to the choir, I think it's easy to lose my point when you . . . well, you smell very nice to me, too."

Honesty, again. You feel a tingling sense of delight, seeing him with his guard down. For some reason you’d assumed he wouldn’t be interested in you, but this is an admission of sorts–an invitation. It’s a shame he immediately reverts to logician. 

"But you're operating on a false assumption. The feeling is genuine. Whether it's biological or conditional is a metaphysical argument no one should entertain. What matters is here."

He brings your hand to his chest, but doesn't make you touch him, hands enclosing your own. 

"You don't have to accept a match you are forced into by a scarcity of options. You deserve to be loved."

You’re not sure whether to laugh, or cry. For how similar your worlds should be he appears to not even be on the same planet as you are. 

"So Alphas think about these kinds of things, too?"

"Human or animal makes no difference. We both die little-by-little, day-by-day, when we're forced into a life we haven't chosen for ourselves."

"I was making a choice when I left for Strictland," you say, voice wry.

"Yes," he exhales. You feel those walls coming back up, watching the gears turn behind those narrow features as he decides how to dispute you.  

"If it wasn't Nyctos retrieving you, it would have been another. You don't know the level of attrition the Syndicate would be willing to subject you, or anyone who protected you to, to insure you weren't in the hands of one of the Free packs."

Suspicion makes you wary; this is much too close to an understanding yet unspoken between you. Had they made the contract with you, knowing this?

“Including Nyctos?" you ask, hoping he reads the double meaning in your words.

“We may be exiles, but we’re not Free,” he says, letting it sink in before he continues. “The Syndicate has allowed us to exist because Taeyong has never openly disagreed with the ideology his father enforced, and died for.”

“He’s not like him,” you agree, shuddering. 

Such a horrible lineage, millions dying just for one man to prove he could be king over the ruins. Even if the Second Prince had died uncrowned, he'd been the major force behind the worst of the burgeoning efforts of the Syndicate, to make sure the war was won in their favor. 

“No. Not at all,” Doyoung agrees, affection transparent in his voice. “Much like you, we are held hostage to our family’s sins.”

“So even if I weren’t bonded to any of you, you think this is the safest place I could be?” you ask. “Didn’t they try to kill you, too?”

Doyoung sits up, waiting for your permission to sit down beside you. Your hand is still captured in his, but you nod, sinking into his warm presence, his thigh pressed to your own. 

“There’s something we wanted to talk to you about–there’s a lot really–but something I think you might not know, yet,” he begins, warily. “The reason why there was never any question that you’d enter the Imperial harem. Even with . . . your genetics.”

You swallow, mouth dry. 

“Please,” you urge him to continue.

"Whether you like it or not, your existence is a potential spark for change. Your genetics aren't an anomaly, I believe they were deliberately developed and implanted within the Imperial bloodline to change the outcome of designated rule."

The words are a shock to you, the room suddenly frigid as your mind races to understand the implications beneath the rush of panic. "What?"

"If you followed in the footsteps of your grandmother and produced the next generation of heirs, you would be doing so with the ability to introduce the Nostradomina strain as a baseline for any future offspring,” he explains. “Your mother understood that if the elders found this out, you would be summarily executed.” 

"If you go back, you die. No matter what happens, you run."

You nod rather than speak, afraid your voice will betray you.

“It seems that where many are trying to kill you or use you, there are also forces still protecting you."

"My brother?" Your voice is tiny, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

"More likely someone within the palace itself," Doyoung says. He holds, but only long enough to clock that you’re not refuting it. "Do you have any idea who that could be?"

You clench your jaw, remembering the feeling of being shocked over and over again through the last line of interrogation. It keeps you from breaking, so tired of hiding but emboldened to shut this down before you can reveal anything outside the bonds of complete security.

“No,” you say.

Doyoung recognizes your discomfort, if not your lie, stroking your hand. 

"It's not important, right now. I'm sorry to overwhelm you."

"So that's what you really care about." You pull your hand back. "If you think I have anything to share that I haven't under torture than no, you are right. I do not think this pack is capable of being worthy of me." 

Whatever tears you've shed run dry, again. Best not to spend another moment being seduced into complacency by a man with a pretty voice and careful words.

"I think we need each other for survival," you say. "I am grateful that we can align on mutual interests. But please don't mistake me for someone who believes you would ever put my needs over those of this pack's or Taeyong’s. As long as we understand that, we don't need to pretend.”

It takes him a long time to respond, standing silently by the bed as you crawl into it, tucking your tail around you. 

"I'm truly sorry, ___."

You clutch the pillow beneath your head, smelling the melange of the other two who've shared it, a distant third scent making your heart stone. You know you're on your own tonight–you won't beg him to stay beside you. His hesitation is only as good as his retreat, watching you from the doorway.

"I'm ready," you say. "For the tribunal . . . and everything else. Are my terms acceptable?”

You’d had to write it out, unable to make your demands heard if they were in any voice but the one written in your own hand, words preserved with intent and simplicity.

“As you wish,” he says. “I’ll make the preparations.”

Yuta Nakamoto [puma concolor α] - assistant inspector second rank, Neo Seoul Police Response, formerly warrant officer rank junwi, Neo Seoul Military Response

There was a time back in the 2110's when Suh Youngho was just a reserve in the NG Foreign Legion, on the same misfit detail he'd been assigned to. A skinny NUSA kid with a tendency to smile and talk more than anyone was used to. 

A tall poppy just waiting to get domed, they'd said. No one who'd been in this shitass war more than five days would have cracked a joke about it–not after watching the newly-formed Syndicate's tendency to put fresh bodies into beachfront graves. 

Graves in this conflict were euphemistic: when you died there was no one to write home for you or carry your dogtags back, you were just a number on a screen for some scum who paid enough for the Millitech commission and maybe gave you a meal if they shot enough promotional footage to pay for it.

No, the war was already over and the remnants of it had taken them both as far as they could before armistice. Yuta remembers leaving the mess hall as the screens flashed white and the surrender was played, pretending he hadn't seen or understood the message as he carried two rations back to shared quarters.

It would be the first and last blissful journey he made back without having a tray upended, without hearing the spitting invective of another upjumped commissioned officer.

Or so he thought.

"Hey, jjokbari." Lieutenant Choi calls from behind him, a laugh and a whistle accompanying the slur. "That for your Yankee boyfriend? He think he can sleep in today of all days?"

Yuta resists the urge to flip him off, nodding politely in their direction as if he hadn't heard a word. It's not enough–has never been enough–but he continues on with ears pricked towards the sound of movement, hoping they choose the day's flavor of nationalism in the anthem blaring down the hallway instead of tormenting the foreigners risking their lives for them.

"Not gonna celebrate with us, Na?" His second-in-command, Ji taunts. "Enough omega girls to fuck waiting back home?"

Yuta can count the doors back to safety on one hand. Maybe it's a mistake he keeps going.

Maybe. 

There's the pounding of footsteps–someone much heavier and less graceful than the commissioned officer. He waits until they try to swing–too wide, too flailing–to duck under it and move back. Whatever response Private Bootlicker was hoping for it's not the subtle step-away that leaves him lurching into the metal deck.

"Did he even touch him?" Another grunt asks, forever denied a response by the voice that speaks next. 

"Attention." 

Instinct has Yuta turning, saluting, tray balanced in his rest hand. 

"At ease, gentlemen." 

The man stepping into the corridor is dressed in bright red military regalia fitting only the finest, upjumped officer. At least with this one he can count on some of the medals being earned rather than on account of being Daddy General Lee II's favorite. 

Despite the contradictory image of a bioengineered ears and tail and a teenager’s lanky frame, Crown Prince and Captain Lee Taeyong is well-respected within the ranks and twice as deadly as any of the assholes on the carrier. The stories that had come out of his Academy days painted him as unforgiving in hand-to-hand combat, enacting punishments on Alphas who tested him based on his smaller size.

Something is different today; Yuta has never seen him without a full retinue, has barely seen him at all outside of mission briefs. But here he is below deck–accompanied by an Imperial attache in an officer’s field uniform.

"Lieutenant Choi, you're needed for requisition of materiel in Zone 3. Report to Chief Petty Officer Ahn immediately."

"Aye, aye, Captain." The gang recedes, laughter booming off the ceiling even this far away.

"Private, you can either apologize for attempting to hit a superior officer or be gang-planked well before we reach port." The Captain addresses the man currently skulking away, before he can leave sight.

Yuta watches his would-be bully grovel, unable to respond for fear he'll be reported back on to Choi and his like. Even with the war over there would always be the clancorps to rely on for another boot upon his neck.

"Private Kim," Taeyong's attendant says, coughing. 

"You're officially free to go back to–" the small man reads through a specific address and name. "Busan. Placed your name on the first transport flight out as crew."

"I will throw you off this ship personally if I see your face or those of your compatriots, do you understand me?"

Taeyong doesn't have to bare his teeth for the threat to be made and understood. Soon they're alone, again, just two breakfasts and the most Yuta has seen of command since joining as a warrant officer.

"Fuck." The Captain says, bending over to the floor. He's shivering all over, scent blockers doing little to hide the cloying cinnamon and musk roiling off of him. Yuta thinks he’s lucky the majority of the remaining crew are Beta recruits or young enough not to know the difference in scents, true designated like themselves having been run through within the first years of the war.

"You didn't see this." The other officer on deck says, bent over a touchpad. Yuta finally notices the universal red cross of a medic along with the hangeul name badge: Moon. "Which way is 119?”

"That's my bunk, sir." 

Both of them look up, the Captain’s squinting eyes opened wide.

"Nakamoto Yuta, is your roommate Suh Youngho?"

"Correct, sir."

"Take me to your quarters and you'll never have to call me sir again," the Crown Prince says, on the floor, tail batting to and fro. 

"Discreetly, please," Moon adds. 

Yuta hadn't given a second thought to the command, still wouldn't years later. If anything they'd saved him the sole duty of escorting Suh in his first rut, 100 leagues from the nearest proxy hotel. No one else had their back until then. A stroke of luck, or fate–it didn't matter.

He’d chosen Nyctos, and the others, for life. 

Now he's in another foreign prison under the guise of conscription, resident of cell block C in what should have been his own home, receiving updates in morse code from Jungwoo tapping impatiently on the other side of the wall. 

Taeyong is the first to visit, posture bent by almost a week in recovery from whatever you have put him through, sweating through his suit. He waits for the others before speaking his piece over the door comms. Yuta has seen his commander in this state many times since that first encounter, but he can’t help but find it funny–the solution to his problem had been there from the start. 

"I take responsibility for everything that happened," Taeyong announces, after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence and no sign of being joined by the others. 

Jungwoo's laugh can't be heard through the thick walls but Yuta echoes it, slumping into his cot. They’d made a bet that Taeyong would issue a formal apology on behalf of his mate, a fact that Yuta relied on enough he’d just won. He expects admonishment from Taeyong but instead the pack's omega reads something scrawled on ancient copy paper.

". . . Including my own death."

It's carbon-scored and dotted black with what looks like blood or water-staining, script tight and messy.

"I am a political refugee who sought asylum. I end my journey here. If this message reaches any of those who care for me, I am leaving as a final act of mercy. Please do not punish anyone involved, they did not know who or what I was when they took me in." 

Taeyong's voice chokes on that line in his reading. Yuta watches him sit cross-legged on the floor between cells, gripped by bodily torment or emotion–he cannot say.

"Signed Lee ____, last child of Lee Eunji."

The silence hangs over them through the static of the comm, until Yuta laughs again, much more darkly. 

"Mercy?" Yuta says. "That suicide note is a writ of execution to be carried out by whoever sent her here."

“She wrote this before we even brought her back,” Taeyong growls, low, standing up to stare him down. "She's not operating against us. Or at least she wasn't until you two began terrorizing her."

The gravity of that statement is wasted on him. 

“Pretty clear she was expecting someone to find it, then,” Yuta says. “Smart girl.”

The window slams with Taeyong’s fist, just a streak of red tail visible through the haze of dust. Yuta stands up to join him at the window, stretching against the day spent in solitary and yawning as if he’s more comfortable than stiff.

"Do you have any compassion?" Taeyong asks once he’s done, brows lowered as he looks at him through the barrier. "You took initiative to torture her without a directive or a lead. Left her unsupervised and unsearched. We could have had a dead omega on our hands."

An expensive mistake, Yuta thinks, but he knows better than to provoke the captain by saying it aloud. He shrugs.

"Johnny gave the order to investigate her," Yuta says, too defensively for his own comfort. "It's not my fault he didn't specify a methodology."

"Just how they do things in NSMP, right?" Taeyong asks, crumpling the paper in his anger. "Any means necessary, is it?"

He doesn't speak, denying him an emotional response.

"You haven't asked us what we found," Jungwoo says, his lilting voice distorted by the speaker. 

Taeyong's firm expression falters. Got him. As much as he enjoys seeing Taeyong’s attempts to interrogate them via emotional manipulation, it's better to use this opportunity to pluck out whatever card is hidden up the Vulpine’s sleeve. There’s been a woeful lack of transparency within the pack of late, compartmentalization of intelligence constantly invoked where the four in charge were concerned. 

If he’s going to be exiled over something as banal as a feral omega with a deathwish, it would be nice to understand why you’re considered more important than the pack itself. 

"You already know who’s behind this, don't you?" Yuta says.

He doesn’t mean the events, those were already reported. Taeyong knows exactly what he’s implied, his own slit-eyes breaking away to look at the floor. He’s quiet, smoothing the letter–which Yuta notes is much longer than what was read, text impossible to work out from this vantage. 

“It’s need to know,” Taeyong says, “until we have more information.”

Yuta smirks at him. “And why would that be? Someone worth protecting? Family perhaps?”

“The pack,” Taeyong snaps immediately. There’s an ancestral quality to his posture, head stooped and ears flattened, sharp little canines bared. Yuta registers the promised threat in that he finds it intriguing, but his cat ignores it entirely.

Thankfully Doyoung interrupts before the Captain can embarrass himself further with the jimseung-like lack of control, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

"We have a suspicion of who it might be after performing the decrypt. Yet another reminder that your little routine was completely unnecessary." Doyoung glances down at his agent with a bored expression. "You can't possibly think we'd share that information with you when you're threatening to leave."

Yuta nods in agreement, keeping his mouth shut.

"The tribunal will be held the day after tomorrow. I hope you reflect on your actions and get your affairs in order before then." 

He unlocks the doors to their cells, not waiting for them to join as he leads Taeyong away.

The strategist looks over his shoulder as he escorts the Captain out. “Oh, and if I were you, I’d avoid Suh tonight. No telling what he’ll do in his state.”

Yuta waits until they’re gone to tap a message back to Jungwoo, who he can’t help but notice hasn’t left his cell, either. Knowing the Canid he’s probably already locked the door again, from the inside. 

Tap tap tap. Thunk thunk thunk. Tap tap tap.

This time, he can hear the other Alpha laugh quietly at the joke.

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[no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist]

Ending of ch 45: 💕Kiss me. Please.💕

***ch 46 starts***

Phoebe: I am pacing. I am in my enclosure ⛓️⛓️ and I hate😤😤 it. I hate it 😡😡here. I am in a rubber room a rubber room with the rats. Silas is probably upset with me for lying to him which means he hates me. 🤬🤬This is so fucked up. I love lying.

Phoebe: oH?! A noise it’s probably Silas.

Phoebe: Oh my fucking god it’s Silas and he’s wearing that stupid fucking turtleneck 🥵😮‍💨again. What an asshole🤬. I want to hug him. 🥺🥺

Silas: Feiyi I can’t believe you committed a crime 🫦don’t you know that’s illegal🥺😡???

Phoebe: No fucking shit Sherlock🙄. I love breaking the law 😤😤and lying also😤. Fucking 🤬make🤬 eye contact 🤬with 🤬me. Or I’ll fucking turn the fluorescent lights 🤬on. 🤬🤬Idc if I’m in 🤬jail. I’ll do it 🤬🤬don’t fucking test 🤬me. 🤬

Silas: You are. Diverting the conversation🙄✋. On purpose. You broke the law. 😡😤Which is. As you know. Illegal😤😤.

Phoebe: OH. OH? I 🤬😡BROKE THE LAW. 😡😡I DID. BITCH. 🤬🤬🤬🤬😤😡I DID NOT GET MY RABIES VACCINE🤤🤤🤬😡😤. I WILL FUCKING😡🤬🤬. GET 😡😡YOU. I AM GOING TO FUCKING CHOKE😡🤬🤬⚠️👹🔪 YOU. 🔪🔪🤬😡YOUUUUU. 🔪🔪😤🤬🤬🤬TRAITOR 🤬🤬🤬YOURE WORKING WITH MY MOTHER. 🔪🤬😡

Silas: that’s ho-👹 i mean. please don’t hurt me. 😳😦😶

Silas: Actually no. Fuck that😡. You. Lied. 😡🤬How DARE. HOW DARe.😡😡

Phoebe: I literally told you to quit your job😤 and you didn’t 😤listen to me🙄?? Like why didn’t you just quit your job 🙄🙄and just blindly do everything I told you 🙄to??? 😤🙄🙄I always knew you never cared about me. 🙄Whatever. 🙄😤😤

Silas: That’s not😤??? How😤😤??? Communication works😤😤😤??? (I would know because I specifically make sure I avoid communicating with people at all costs😇😇.)

Phoebe: Why would I try to communicate with you ever🙄🙄. Literally why would I do that. 🙄You’re such a fucking loser😡🤬😤 you would literally report a murder🙄😡. Oh my god. 🙄

Silas: Umm. Ok. Maybe🙄. But not if it was you. 🥺💞

Phoebe: You’re a lia🤬r. And you know😡🤬🤬 it. You are so fucking lucky I’m behind bars right now 🔪🔪🤬😡😡🤬🔪

Silas: *the most melodramatic ass bitchy sigh known to man🙄🙄🙄✋✋✋✋✋✋*

Silas: Fine🙄. Whatever🙄✋. You don’t even know me. 🖤⛓️🥀. And I don’t know you either. 😱⛓️⛓️⛓️🔪🖤🥀🥀Liar.

Phoebe: Oh no this is so fucked he’s not allowed to call me a liar only I can call me a liar. 😞😞😞What does he even want. 😔😔I don’t know who I am anymore ☹️☹️and he knows too much now so I can’t manipulate him. 😣😣Which is super fucked up 😖😖because manipulating him is very fun. 😫😩😫😩😩

Phoebe: Oh yeah? 🤬🤬Fine. 😡You don’t know shit about me. 🔪Your bitch ass 🙄😡🤬would never stay in Ketterdam. 🙄🙄😡🤬

Silas: nooo babe :((💞 I will have you🫦🫦 ! With Armor💞💞 !! Your armor is so sexy 🥵ahaha 🤪

Phoebe: Nu uh🙄✋🤬

Silas: No oh my god see?😡😡? See this is proof 😤that you never listen to anything I say 😡😤(has never tried to communicate with her a day in his life😌) because umm actually😤. aKTUALLY😤. I know literally everything about your secret identity 🤓☝️because I have the power of autism on my side😌😌😌.

Phoebe: I am maybe a little scared☹️. I hate not being able to manipulate people☹️☹️. This is sooo fucked uppp☹️🥺.

Silas: Y’know what?😡😡 Fine. 🤬🤬I’ll say it. Maybe I 😮‍💨thought Priest 😮‍💨was hot🥵🥵🫦. mAYBE I LIKED 🥵💞BEING SENT WEIRD VAGUELY💞 THREATENING 💞😤😤☹️PUZZLES🖤🥵🥵. AND YEAH😌. 👹👹MAYBE I WANTED😔💞🥺😳 HER TO TOP 😮‍💨ME. 😮‍💨😳🤪😡🥵FUCKING 🙄🙄SUE ME. 🫦🥵🥵😌

Phoebe: IT DOESNT MATTER.😡🤬🤬 IT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER🤬 THAT HES FINALLY🔪 ADMITTING😡🤬🤬🤬 THIS NOW. IT’S TOO LATE. 😡😡I LITERALLY FUCKING TOLD HIM 🤬🙄TO GIVE UP ON HER AND DID 😤HE??? 😤😤NO. LIKE OH MY GOD DUDE 🙄🤬😡YOU COULDVE ASKED ME OUT. 😡😤😤😤YEARS AGO😡😡😡. BUT NOOOO. 🙄🙄😡😡🤬🤬😡😡AND LOOK WHERE WE ARE NOW😡😤😡🤬🤬😡😡😤.

Phoebe: OH? 😡🤬😤SO DID YOU THINK WORKING FOR MY DEADBEAT MOM 🤬WAS GONNA MAKE ME THINK YOU WERE😤 HOT? ARE YOU ACTUALLY🔪🔪🤬 FUCKING KIDDING 🔪ME RIGHT NOW😡🤬😡🤬

Silas: Oh so when I ✨lightly collaborate✨ with your mother I’m a “traitor” and a “liar” bUT WHEN YOU-😡🤬🤬🤬

Phoebe: HOW IS THAT THE SAME THING😤😡🤬. I WAS PROTECTING MY 😤😤BROTHER.

Silas: Okay. Well. 🤬🥺💞He’s my best friend 🥺💞. And I 💞💞was protecting him. 💞

Phoebe: BY WORKING WITH MY 🤬✋DEADBEAT MOM?? 🤬SURE. ✋✋

Silas: oh fucckkkkkkkk😶. My boss is here. 🤫🤫Oh this could be very bad actually🫣. Shit. 🫠

Phoebe: It is,,, not so nice here in my enclosure 😟and I would like to be let out 😃😃now. The man who just walked in who wants to hurt 🤪me looks🤪 my father🤠🤠. This is a normal observation that I am making because I had a happy childhood and a 🤪normal family. 🤠🤠

Silas: oh shit oh fuck. 😧

Phoebe: ⚡️🔋🔋⚡️⚡️⚡️💤💤⚡️⚡️🔌🔌⚡️ ⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⛓️⛓️⚡️⚡️⚡️💔💔⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️❌⚡️⚡️⚡️😩😩⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️😱😱⚡️⚡️⚡️ ⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️🌫️🌫️⚡️⚡️😵‍💫⚡️⚡️💀⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️🫨🫨⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️😵‍💫😵‍💫⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

Silas: Shit. 😐

***ch 47 starts***

💕Aww my husband is waking up and I love him despite his dumb fucking opinions on penguins💕

Obsessed with ch 46 on fhh because you can flip from obsessively analyzing every single word of it to just. Relentlessly making fun of how absolutely unhinged it is. Because. Hello.