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shinkai14 · 2 years ago

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Pokémon AU family List

(will give more info if needed)

Red Miyagawa and Blue Oak (Married)

Akane, Willow, Ichiro, Kaede & Samuel "Sammy" Miyagawa-Oak

Ash Ketchum and Misty (Married)

Kyla, Caspian & Marilla Ketchum

Brock Harrison and Lucy (Separated)

Thomas, Wade" and Terra" Harrison

Brock and Rebecca (Fling)

Amethyst "Amy" Harrison

Brock and Liliana (Married)

Maria'’’, Sophia’’’ & Macy’’’ Harrison

Leaf Greene and Kris (Married)

Jade", Ivy" & Lin Greene

Trace Herrings and Chase (Married)

Kyrie, Allen & Angelina Herring

Janine Hayashi and Elaine (Married)

Haru, Kenji, Makoto" & Haruna" Hayashi

Goh Yamashita and Horace (Married)

Fumiko, Azumi, Daichi", Jiro" and Hiro Yamashita

Chloe Cerise (Single)

Lucy Cerise

Gary Oak and Domino (Fling)

Juniper Oak

Gary Oak and Zinnia (Not together anymore)

Ivy Oak

Gary Oak and Edric Ross (Married)

Samantha, Darron and Kathrine Oak

Ritchie Berry and Damian (Not together anymore)

Lexie Berry

Ritchie Berry and Derick (Married)

Alex and Daniel

Lt. Adam Surge and Violet

Nixie, Gale and Bolt Surge

Erika Kayano and Darcy (Divorced)

Fiona Kayano

Sabrina And Will Tanaka (Married)

Emiko Tanaka

Lorelei Landa And Winona (Married)

Breena, Maya, Zephyr, Neil & Claire Landa

Bruno Grayson (Single)

Casey and Mason Grayson

James De Rossi and Jessie (Married)

Jamie, Julia, Jackie and Jasper De Rossi

Butch and Daisy Oak (Married)

Rosie and Paisley Oak

Tracey Sketchit and Daisy (Married)

Heather, Holly and Wyatt Sketchit

Ethan Asahi and Sliver (Married)

Scarlett, Riku, Sumire, Haruki, Ryuki, Sierra, Ember, Talia and Gale Asahi

Elio Sunna and Lyra (Married)

Lyre, Leilani, Oliver & Kai Sunna

Lance Blackthorn and Hanako (Married, Hanako is dead)

Luna Blackthorn

Morty Ellis and Falkner (Married)

Raven, Robin and Elliot Ellis

Bugsy Withers and Whitney (Married)

Beckett Withers

Jasmine Tachibana and Solidad (Married)

Rosianna and Ross Kernel

Clair Blackthorn (Single)

Ryu Blackthorn

Karen Lee (Single)

Connie Lee

Cyrus Caddel and Saturn (Not together anymore)

Portia Caddel

Archer Lawrence and Saturn (Married)

Aries, Polaris and Rhea Lawrence

Archer Lawrence and Proton Richter (Not together anymore)

Artemis Richter

Proton Richter and Domino (Not together anymore)

Juno Richter

Professor Elm and his wife (Married)

Cedar Elm

Eusine Smith (Single)

Serenity Smith

Khoury Matthews and Casey (Divorced)

Alice Matthews

Liza Rose and Zinnia (Separated)

Maeve Rose

Brad van darn and Fantina Albret (Married)

Elizabeth Albret

Pierce Elrod and Wendy (Affair)

Freya Elrod

Attila Sharp and Hun (Married)

Demeter, Calypso and Helios Sharp

Brendan Birch and May (Married)

Madison and Henry Birch

Max and Tory Lund (Married)

Alice and Aiden Lund

Wally Harrell and Lisia (Married)

Hayden and Maybelle Harrell

Drew Campbell and Brianna (Married)

Autumn and Summer Campbell

Harley Gray and Nando (Separated)

Marianna Gray

Harley Gray and Juan Richelieu (One night stand)

Francis and Mary Richelieu

Paris Mercia And Solidad (Divorced)

Dena and Jackson Mercia

Wallace and Steven Stone (Married)

Elaine and Petra Stone

Brawly Rush and Roxanne (Married)

Mia and Alexander Rush

Sidney Parker and Flannery (Married)

Flare Parker

Korrina Derand and Phoebe (Married)

Jenna, Gracie & Erwin Derand

Looker Spade and Anabel (Married)

Layla, Helena and Edward Spade

Nando and Tucker Conners (Affair)

Grace Conners

Maxie Embers and Archie (Together)

Kyna, Hector and Darren Embers

Glacia And Ervin Sawyer (Divorced)

Elsa Sawyer

Shelly Waller and Courtney (Married)

Mira Waller

Dana Desmond and Zinnia (One night stand)

Lydia Desmond

Barry Tsumura and Lucas (Married)

Tsutsuji and Hiroko Tsumura

Dawn Berlitz and Zoey

Aurora, Weiss, Gwendolyn and Ronan Berlitz

Paul Norwood and Ursula Lovett (Divorced)

Meaghan and Sasha Norwood

Paul Norwood and Miette (Married)

Anthony and Briar Norwood

Cynthia Reiss and Diantha (Married)

Genevieve and Mariane Reiss

Roark Blair and Riley (Married)

Thea, Rhea, Noah and Lapis Blair

Gardenia Fujimura and Cheryl (Married)

Ayaka Fujimura

Maylene Olsen and Candice (Married)

Noelle & Hayley Olsen

Flint Russel and Volkner (Married)

Dustin and Sophia Russel

Lucian Garnier and Aaron (Married)

Rachael Garnier

Thorton Rhodes and Marley (Married)

Lelia and Luis Rhodes

Hunter J and Mars Seymour (Together, Hunter J is dead)

Pluto Seymour

Buck Russel and Mira (Married)

Blake Russel

Reggie Norwood and Zero (Not together anymore)

Dina Norwood

Reggie Norwood and Lena (Married)

Ezra and Stella Norwood

Kenny Hudson and Leona (Married)

Carmen Hudson

Sho Jonas and Autumn (Married)

Weiss, Lily and Mint Jonas

Tonio Hvam and Alice

Anisa and Dale Hvam

Baron Alberto and Queen Ilene (Fling)

Amaris De Rota

Baron Alberto and Lilith (Married)

Mercia. Jewel and Josephine De Alamos

Grimsley Millard and Zero (Not together anymore)

Crispian and Demi Millard

Lysandre Allard and Zero (TBD)

Vesper & Zeke Allard

Zero and Baraz Laurier (One night stand)

Arleth Laurier

Kevin Mythos and Sheena (Married)

Kyra and Roland Mythos

Sorrel Hart and Verity (Married)

Luna Hart

Verity and Cross West (Separated)

Austin West

Hilbert and Natural Harmonia Gropius (Married)

Aria, Mercy and Euphemia Harmonia (Euphemia is adopted)

Chili Gardener and Hilda (Married)

Cassandra Gardener

Chili Gardener and Burgundy (Divorced)

Millicent “Millie” Gardener

Cilan Gardener and Clemont Alarie (Married)

Adrien and Audrey Gardener

Cilan Gardener and Alain Sycamore (Married)

Cecilia Gardener

Clemont Alarie and Alain Sycamore (Married)

Ciel Alarie

Cress Gardener and Calem Xavier (Married)

Lyne and Nathan Xavier-Gardener

Lenora Abrams and Hawes (Married)

Verdona and Vincent Abrams

Serena Castillon and Shauna (Married)

Elodie Castillon

Lysandre Allard and Malva Aubert (Not together anymore)

Alexis and Bastion Aubert

Wikstrom and Siebold Blanchet (Separated)

Lucienne Blanchet

Lysandre Allard and Bellatrix (Divorced)

Cédric Allard

Lysandre Allard and Alain Sycamore (Not together)

Irene Sycamore

Lysandre Allard and Baraz Laurier (Not together)

Ausra Laurier

Lysandre Allard and Professor Augustine Sycamore (Not together anymore)

Sylvie Sycamore

Ghetsis Harmonia Gropius x Colress Keene (Not together anymore)

Euphemia Harmonia (Adopted by Hilbert and N)

Butch Cathcart x Cassidy

Mitch and Mera Cathcart

Todd Snap x Julie (Married)

James, Jamie & Madison Snap

Lysandre Allard x Concordia Harmonia

Moira Harmonia

Hugh Maes x Nate

Violet & Blake Maes

Rosa Weiss x Roxie

Patricia “ Patty “, Eliza’’ & Edric’’ Weiss

Iris x Benga Eales

Iona & Rex Eales

Cheren Griffith x Bianca

April, Cornelia, Corwin, Darrell & Luna Griffith

Rudy Gate x Trip

Davena & Bruno Gate

Stephan Tayler x Heidi

Max, Sophie & Kelly Tayler

Georgia Morgan

Gregory Morgan

Elesa Melbourne x Skyla

Skyler, Taran, Audra & Vetra

Brycen x Burgh Kersey

Lorraine, Colleen, Terrence, Travis Kersey

Marlon Raine x Kelly

Ariel and Clyde Raine

Caitlin Everett x Shauntal

Emaline’’, Emilio’’, Farrell & Atlas Everett

Newton Graceland

Lawton and Martha Graceland

Lysandre Allard x Celosia ( TBD)

Sarah Allard

Rei Eto x Yui (Married)

Akiko Eto

Akari Berlitz x Junko (Married)

Yuri and Yumi Berlitz

Volo Reiss

Verna Reiss

Adaman Hishikawa x Hayami (Married)

Akemi, Haru and Honoka Hishikawa

Mai Okumura x Jiro (Married)

Fujitsu and Kenzo Okumura

Arezu Akamine x Kimiko (Married)

Ezume Akamine

Iscan x Palina Magnolia (Married)

Rosianna Magnolia

Irida x Fredrick Castillon (Married)

Akane Castillon

Professor Laventon x his wife (Married)

Maria Laventon

Cyllene Caddel x Daichi (Married, Daichi is dead)

Cora Caddel

Melli x Ingo Collett

Tokiko’’, Tomiko’’, Kenji’’, Kentaro’’ & Etsuko Collett

Tucker x Avery Hackney

Arthur Hackney

Shielbert x Avery Hackney

Cordelia Hackney

Giovanni Forte x Rena

Giana Forte

Lily Lynde x Hannah

Tulip & Roland Lynde

Lara Laramie

Michael Laramie

Regina Mills x Jeremy

Garrett, Kaylie & James Mills

Valerie Bristol x Evelyn Desmond

Daphnis, Alette, Elros & Aine Bristol

Florian Villatoro x Kieran

Valeria Villatoro

Luna Blackthorn x Yellow

Tea Blackthorn

Aria Daviau

Daphné Daviau

Professor Samuel Oak x Elisa

Willow Oak

Celio x Lanette Bailey Lindsey, Booker & Ashton Bailey

Forrest Harrison x Maizie Oscar & Carl Harrison

Quillon Mittelman x Petrel Amber Mittelman

Quillon Mittelman x Danika Allegra & Marcus Mittelman

Morgan Desmond x Bridgette Bailey Marsha Desmond

Sordward x Sonia Emily, Mary, Lawrence, Annabelle and Garrett Magnolia

Lizabeth Blair x Christie

Marina & Danny Blair

(Will update more later)

#pkmn fankids #Lists #Families

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borisbubbles · 7 years ago

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SURVIVOR: GAME CHANGERS Review

I only saw “Worlds Apart” again as a prelude to the latest season, which I hadn’t seen just yet. Keeping in the theme of self-parody, or so it would seem, this latest season was called “Game Changers” and reinforced its titular promise by... casting a bunch of randoms and like... seven legendary players? My personal pet theory the season was meant as a fanwank dedicated to the AWFUL (um, spoiler) Ciera “BIG MOVES!!” Eastin but then she was booted first, WHOOPS!!!!

I only saw “Worlds Apart” again as a prelude to the latest season, which I hadn’t seen just yet. Keeping in the theme of self-parody, or so it would seem, this latest season was called “Game Changers” and reinforced its titular promise by... casting a bunch of randoms and like... seven actually legendary players? My personal pet theory the season was meant as a fanwank dedicated to the AWFUL (um, spoiler) Ciera “BIG MOVES!!” Eastin but then she was booted first, WHOOPS!!!!

“Game Changers” turned out perfectly average in the end. As one might expect from a season with that name, it focused on The Game a ton, which... meh. The game of Survivor is a combo of social dynamics + basic arithmetic; no guarantee for entertainment in itself, but a solid frame in which a good cast can shine if allowed to do so. As a subject to model a season of reality television around though... eh, no fanks. The Max Dawsons of the world love hearing about OPTIONS and hypothetical scenarios and blindsides, but not I.

By investing heavily in The Game, I feel production dropped the ball here: The Game basically always pans out the same way, no matter how many gimmicky twists you throw into the mix. Speaking of which, omg the twists were ridiculous, are you KIDDING me??? The default elimination of Cirie Fields, one of the savviest players to every play Survivor, because she was the only person at tribal council to not possess a grossly overpowered advantage and had relied soley on her own cunning, is definitely a low point in the whole FRANCHISE.

So let me state the obvious truth the producers seem to have forgotten:

It’s the PEOPLE in that game which elevate it because they are differing factor between seasons. Ergo, what makes them tick should ALWAYS be the main focus. Despite a SHOCKING lack of personable moments (there’s transgate and advantagegeddon but both were awful) personalities did -miraculously- manage to shine and made Game Changers... what’s the opposite of “boring”? Not boring? Acceptable? Cromulent? idk. I consider GC being decent dumb luck for the most part. Still, in a world in which once good shows such as Survivor drift ever closer to Openly Bad Television, we should count our blessings when they come.

~CAST RANKING~

1. Sandra Diaz-Twine Mana Tribe 15th place

THE QUEEN OF SURVIVOR <3 Explaining Sandra with mere words always sells her short. If you know her, you KNOW why she’s #1. If you don’t, well... acquaint yourself

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Sassy latina matron whose entire personality can be summed up by “I don’t give a shit. fuck you, adios” <3 Sandra is just INTENSLY charismatic and personable and even mundane shit, like instructing her minions on who to vote out is funny: "so this is the person i think we should send home and imma tell you why: SIERRA. DAWN. THOMAS.. :)”. <3

I’m secretly grateful she was voted off early though because it meant she was spared the editorial dettol and we finally got to see her unplugged. <3 Foolish men would gun for her all the time, only for her to effortlessly turn the tables on them every single time. It’s weird that despite her legacy, people STILL underestimated her. Of course, this all led to her being despised by the goldfish memory’d fraus. “WHO IS THIS “QUEEN” CAN SHE GO I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER WHO SHE IS” the only person to win Survivor *TWICE*, that’s who! THE QUEEN STAYS QUEEN.

2. Michaela Bradshaw Mana 7th place

All that Sandra worship, aside, I ALMOST ranked Michaela above her. She -too- is one of my all-time favourite players. Like Sandra, Michaela’s awesomeness is difficult to capture in script; imagine if the entire “Candor” faction from the Divergent universe was distilled into one human being; that’s the Michaela Bradshaw experience in a nutshell.

Great Michaela moments include:

(1) “TELL MALCOLM YA SEND HIM HOME TOO” (2) “SLIDE TO THE SIDE, SLIDE TO THE SIDE”

(3) Desperately trying and -failing- to control her attitudeface

(4) Stress eating at tribal council, accompanied by the usual attitudefaces:

(5) her strategy to keep Culpepper Culpepper from looking for the HII: michaela: “yo brad, go fish” culpepper: “what do you mean “go fish” is that some sort of metaphor?” michaela: “no... it's a suggestion. go fishing, like go fish. it’s low tide.” culpepper: “..........” michaela: “and bring back fish. at low tide.” culpepper: “............” michaela: “...............................” culpepper: “....................” michaela: “GO FISH!!!! >__<��

On most seasons a Sassy Black Girl With Attitude would be an OTT charicature. On Survivor Game Changers however, she was the ONLY contestant who felt like... a real, complex person, with trivial yet relatable struggles (coping with a resting bitchface, putting too much sugar in your coffee, you know, the sort of little things we all know we shouldn’t do but still do anyway). Survivor as a show doesn’t really do such characters anymore, instead focusing on charicaturizing the people with bigger personalities, and sanitizing the rest. It was great to have a character which broke this tendency, even if it were through sheer happenstance.

3. Andrea Boehke Nuku tribe 8th place

Pet theory: Andrea was secretly delighted that Zeke turned on her, so she could gun for an obvious jury threat WITHOUT looking like an asshole <3

Seriously, Survivor is known for its comically vitriolic feuds (Sandra vs Jon, Marty vs Jane, Judd vs Margaret, Mike vs Rodney, etc) but especially this one? Andrea was SOOO visceral and bitter in that feud and destroyed him in confessionals (”TERRIBLE GAME MOVE. YOU SUCK AT THIS GAME. I HOPE I SEE YOU NEVER.” is a top 5 voting confesh), shaded him to his face (”PEOPLE AREN’T HUMAN CHESS PIECES”) and then actually got him booted lmao <3 She REALLY hated Zeke for feeling threatened by her stardom (lmfao, okay Andrea LaGrossa) and *I* too really hated Zeke, so it worked for me!

Andrea is a blatant famewhore, but of the best sort: the one who isn’t fully aware of her own compulsiveness to make moves, not for the sake of her game, but for the sake of her own entertainment. Fortunately for us, she has a pretty good grasp on what “entertaining” involves. <3

After getting Zeke booted, Andrea targeted her friend FirstOfficerSarah, claiming she had never liked her rofl she’s too much, stawwwp.

4. Cirie Fields Nuku 6th place

Cirie’s time on this show was a perfect blend of all her previous arcs: overcoming the physical obstructions of being a self-confessed “couch potato” competing on a Survival show, competent yet interesting strategic ploys, getting screwed over by shitty production twists... wait wut????

I loved her fleshed-out relationships with other contestants. In particular: the Ozzy/Cirie paranoia of “will the other gun for me after what happened eight years ago.... hmm... i don’t think so BUT i’ll gun for them anyway :)”, only for Cirie to be blindsided when Ozzy was booted; her Good Cop/Bad Cop routine with Andrea, her insistence to ALWAYS refer to Sarah as “FirstOfficerSarah” and her secret mentorhood of Michaela. Like Michaela, Cirie’s deep relationships with everyone fleshed her out like a real person, despite several instances of gamebothood.

I suppose now is the time I address her outrageous exit?

So, Advantagegeddon. Cirie getting default-elim’ed because she didn’t have a Ridiculous, Overpowered Rigged Advantage up her sleeve is absoutely fucking BULLSHIT no matter how you slice it. I have no doubts production was hoping something like this would happen at the Final six, just not to Cirie lol, WHOOPS. It totally backfired and will hurt the franchise, mark my words. Survivor is a social game first and a strategic game second and this meritocratic TREASURE HUNT it’s turning into undercuts its basic mechanics. For it to claim the one person commonly regarded as the best player to never win was just... the worst possible outcome? (or best, if it leads to the number of advantages getting culled in future seasons but i’m not getting my hopes up.)

But there’s always the returnee ouroboros to fall back on. Her and JaredGOD (

) for BVW3 plz.

5. Tai Trang Nuku 4th place

On paper, I shouldn’t care too much about Tai: an idol-finding gremlin who streaks and says weird things and talks about the game a lot... MEH

In practice, holy shit he owns. Sinewy, sixty-year old challenge beast gaysian <3 Tai had the best idol-related storylines in the franchise and his idoling of Malcolm was for sure epic. He instigated Advantageggeddon and as much as the moment itself sucked, the back-and-forth paranoia between him and Cirie leading up to it was great. He talked about The Game a lot, in a mr Hyunh-like voice (lolracist), only to succumb to language barrier-induced confusion and panic. His flakiness also inadvertently destroyed whatever remained Culpepper’s social game, lmfao <3 Mess with Taingel and get electrocuted by the halo!!!

Tai’s non-game related content was pretty great as well. Not everyone can pull of stuff such as “loving chickens” and “streaking” but he did, effortlessly and naturally. Tai setting the chickens loose, only for them to shit all over Cirie <3 Streaking at the one reward because “MY BOYFRIEND AND I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT GETTING NAKED IN ARKENSAS”. <3 It was fun. I shouldn’t counterpoint this with not-fun instances such as fake-drunk Debbie (X_X) mooning him at the merge feast, but our collective Dillip ptsd must all bear witness.

IMMA VOMIT -- Malcolm, Tai, all of us.

6. Sierra Dawn Thomas Nuku 9th place

Alol I can’t even type out her name without being reminded of how Sandra pronounces it. SYEAH-RAW. DAWWWWWN. TAW-MAS.

I kind of LOVE Sierra and I’m not sure if I can explain it properly. She just... really clicks with me? She’s a fun overdog, a scrappy underdog and a comitted townsperson, which means she’s good in pretty much every situation she’s in. As in World’s Apart, she is a disarmingly normal and relatable person among a cast of crazed goons. In Game Changers, this of course meant production had no clue what to do with her, so they made her a non-entity... except lolwhoops they didn’t because she kept tumbling into relevancy time and time over <3

After the highest heights of the Double Tribe Tribal (the Kiss may actually be my famo of the season, in fact?

), Sierra hunkered down and wrapped Culpepper around her finger and somehow became the New Sheriff In Town around the merged tribe. An UTR floater from a hated season who was a replacement for Natalie Anderson calling the shots on a season dubbed “Game Changers” <3 I love how this universe functions, sometimes.

7. Troy “Troyzan” Robertson Mana 3rd place

um, i know right? I was TERRIFIED of Troy “Troyhard” Robertson going into the season. I was SURE his getting owned by an alliance of women would have fed his macho ego and turned him full misogynist in addition to his Wacky Self-Serving Memebase Existence. Instead the Kim ptsd emasculated him and drove him into Queen Sandra’s arms, lol <3

Troy was barely on this show, but bear with me. I’ll take a non-entity with a fun and funny edit (everyone CONSTANTLY coddling him like he was a danger to himself AND others <3) over a potential chauvinist pig. Especially when said non-entity was the ONLY male on the original Mana tribe to cockblock Tony’s all-male, anti-Sandra alliance <3 Early Game Changers truly was Sandra’s Island, y’all.

lmao @ his FTC arguments tho

troy: i wasn’t surprused i made it to the end, because i played a really good game² ^__^ jury: ²[citation needed] troy: uhh i suppose i didn’t, whoops, my bad. *deletes his mental wikia page*

8. Hali Ford Mana 13th place

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ <-- Hali’s entire existence on this season.

You can preeeeetty much c/p my World’s Apart write-up for Hali here. She was once again an endearingly weird random, nuanced slightly differently? She didn’t spend her time fetishing over the constitution or regaling what her fourth and fourtheenth favourite things in life are, but in the neverending game of musical thrones which was Game Changers she was a random townsperson who loathed Brad Culpepper (and Culpepper loathed her too?), which worked me too, I guess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

hali: “please take culpepper out. i beg you -_-” sandra: “k gurl” jt: “nope” sandra: “...hali?” hali: “u do u, guys ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ”

and then was targeted over residu floaterhood and became collateral damage in Sierra and Culpepper’s Plan To Oust Michaela. Sadly, Michaela and Cirie had already bonded, dooming Hali, who proved too peripheral to be worthy of saving. Oh well, it could’ve been worse (I.E.: Michaela going), I guess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

9. Malcolm Freberg Mana 17th place

Much like how Sandra going early caused her to shown at the full extent of her sass and pizzazz, so does Malcolm benefit from being booted pre-merge. This was easily his most intrinsically likable appearance; *shockingly* without the otherwise omnipresent Golden Boy Edit blinding us... I wonder whether there’s any correlation???

But yeah Malcolm “at his best” to me is him as an analytic narrator/hapless follower and he provided that. He was the ONLY person to openly gun for Sandra while simultaneously understanding why she’s dangerous (ie: not being like “Sandra won TWICE... that must mean something... right??”): that she just doesn’t give a FUCK about anything but her own survival when push comes to shove <3

But we’re mostly here because of Malcolm’s reaction to being idoled out. You know, taking your exit with grace is one thing, but Malcolm is hilariously bad at losing with dignity and thank goodness he is. His reaction to losing the IC in Philippines after fumbling his rigged advantage is my fave non-Abi, non-COOKIES?? moment of that season, ngl. If defeat was a picture, it would look like this:

FWD to this season: "IMMA VOMIT!!!" & “JT IS NOT GETTING A CHRISTMAS CARD, KID COULDN’T KEEP HIS STUPID MOUTH SHUT *supernovas during final words*" hysterical.

10. Sarah Lacina Nuku Sole Survivor

For someone who is fundamentally boring, FirstOfficerSarah had several good moments. I mean, her “last time, I played like a cop, this time I play like a *CRIMINAL*” was the superobvious impetus to kick the Generic Winner Arc into motion, so I happily zoned out of most of the Sarah content... only to be pulled in by a random, unexpected fun moment at the turn of a dime???

“MOST PEOPLE CAN’T TELL WHETHER THE LICENSE PLATE THEY’RE DRIVING WITH IS OUT OF DATE ON SIGHT... *raises hand* I CAN ^__^” A+ Coach refs <3.

Other things I enjoyed: the way she handled her Vote Steal Advantage (this game had too. many. fucking. advantages.), pawing it off to Cirie, only to be like “welllll actually it’s non-transferable, it says so at the bottom, ... so... can you give it back now? I plan on using it tonight :)” holy crap stone cold. <3 And the breakdowns. The breakdown DURING Transgate, interrogating Varnercunt about his vile behaviour while calling out all the inconsistencies in his story <3 her breakdown AFTER Transgate, concluding Zeke Smith is the best (only) transgender she ever met in her life <3 Her breakdown AT the family visit upon seeing her.. idk... hubby? boyfriend? whatever Wayne is <3

In conclusion, Congratulations, Sarah, you were an acceptable Boring Gamebot Winner!! That being said, the memory of her becomes ever more distant, akin to a tumbleweed rolling downwind in the desert...

11. Tony Vlahos Mana 19th Place

BAI TONY!!! :) SAY HI TO CIERA FOR ME!!! :) The knowledge that Tony didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell in going far made him far easier to stomach this go around. This was of course aided by his own obnoxious machinations; for ex: Upon landing at Mana beach he immediately (immediately.) brayed “IMMA LOOK FOR THE IDOL, SEE YA!!!! LOLOLOLO” and darted in to the jungle. <3 Psychotic, bellowing monsterbeasts are so much better when everyone’s in on the joke. Sadly, Tony then OF COURSE had to show is ass by turning on Queen Sandra *sigh*. Oh well, at least we know who won that battle. It also had the added bonus of making TROY situationally funny: Troy catching him in the act of digging out his “Spy Bunker” and making Tony explain why he’s all frantic and covered in dust and debris. <3 and when Tony tried rallying all of the men against Sandra, Troy REFUSED because he was already tucked under her sassy wing. WILL THE SANDRA OWNAGE EVER END????

12. Aubry Bracco Mana 5th place

I really like Aubry as a human!!! kick-ass aspergers princess <3 but she was barely on this show when you reflect on it. She had a token confessional every ep to narrate the strategic events to which she was tangentially related. Not bad, but in terms of personal development it’s nothing.

Her epic anxious aspie self eventually DID emerge at the F7 round buuuuut too little to late. It felt like a hollow non-sequitur to me. “LOOK AT AUBRY BEING AUBRY. :) SEE? :) SAME OLD AUBRY :) NOW THAT’S SETTLED, LET’S GET ON WITH ~THE GAME~ FOREVERMORE” cool storytelling, braz. I also did NOT enjoy the valedictorian Aubry/Probst one-two-punch at the end of every tribal council, trying to pimp ~The Game~ as if it were anything more than baseborn arithmetic. “WOW Aubry :o This Tribal Council has really been GAME CHANGING hasn’t it” “Mhm Jeff, I wonder how much the GAME will CHANGE after the vote :)” x at least half a dozen times, are you f’king kidding me.

13. Brad Culpepper Nuku Runner-Up

Culpepper was perfectly adequate this season. His time amounted to a whole bunch of whitemediocre strategy noises and superawkward sociodynamics that were honestly too awkward to appreciate. Luckily those inherently Not Good qualities were transmuted through the Monica megaphone making them Not Bad :)

It is enough to colour Brad a very pale chartreuse once put through the red/yellow/green feelings-as-colours prism. He had a handful of quirks (Brad the Interior Decorator <3 “What do you mean, GO FISH??? O_O” <3 Being the Matt von Ertfelda to Troy’s Butch Locksley <3 (wait does that make Sierra the Cesternino? discuss.)) and a few Not Good Moments (browbeating Tai, Michaelousy)

In the end, it all balances out to neutrality. Brad’s story was a reiteration of his spouse’s, nobody does Monica better but Monica. Not Brad, Monica.

lol I thought I’d have more to say about Brad, but I don’t. Sorry boo.

14. Caleb Bankston Mana 18th place

Caleb was on this season? Like, not even POKING at his being cast as a “Game Changer”, which is pretty suspect in itself, it actually felt like he wasn’t on S34 at all?

lol what did he even do? umm, he pecked Tai on the cheek once, which... isn’t it precious when douchebro’s try to enforce their bromoerotic routine with an actually gay person, but that’s not how it functions. Bromosexuality with a homosexual is just homosexuality, Caleb, I’m so sorry to tell you [/karajanx]. He also had immediately bonded with his other “bro” Tony (... Brony?) and therefore became a semi-sentient anti-Sandra voice. Still voted Tony off anyway tho lol.

And then he was swapfucked and used as a human sacrifice to grant Hali Ford just enough good fortune hoodoo to stumble into the merge. Which... is the best outcome I could’ve hoped for. If Hali doesn’t make the merge, Michaela gets voted off at the F13, robbing us of her Cirielliance and “GO FISH”, making this season way worse. So gratz for being the meatshield for another meatshield, I guess!

15. Oscar “Ozzy” Lusth Nuku 12th place

Ozzy was... IMMENSELY boring this time around, yep i’ve said it, dwi. Ozzy’s personality is notable for its basic smugness (</3) and delusional self-entitlement (<3) but neither side showed itself, so why should I bother with whatever bland husk was left behind?

Seriously though, Ozzy solely existed as the physical gestalt of the long-haired, athletic, situationally relevant (citation needed on the last one though) white male who catches fish. Apparently that’s all it takes to be the OVERWHELMING fan favourite (um until Transgate oops) with the fraudience. Jesus fucking Christ, I’ll never understand.

That said, I did enjoy his aforementionned dynamic with Cirie. (“she targets me... she targets me not *picks the petals off an imaginary forget-me-not*”) only to stumble into her side at the merge through their shared Andrealliance. A pity this potentially interesting relationship was whisked out of the spotlight like HvV Colberri was in favour of more STRATEGY TALK. Obladi, Oblada, life goes on~

16. Ciera Eastin Mana 20th place

Ciera is often cited as one of Survivor’s biggest game-changers because she VOTED OUT HER MOM... in a unanimous vote.... that was orchestrated by the opposing alliance for splitting up the last remaining family pair in the game... in which she had no say whatsoever, so she just jumped on the bandwagon. SUCH A “GAME CHANGER”!!!

Since then, Ciera has been retconned as ~The Brains Behind That Operation~ and spends her time haranguing others about MAKING BIG MOOOOOVES like she once "made”. *BARF*

As expected, she *immediately* started off her usual spiel by badgering her tribe mates on day two about BIG MOOOOVES. I don’t even remember whom she targeted. I think Tony and Sandra? Wait, the fact that everyone else was already targeting Tony and Sandra at that point proves that it was :) . It is fortunate she did though because it reminded everyone what an annoying brat Ciera Eastin truly is and nixed her at the first opportunity <3

17. James “JT” Thomas Nuku 16th place

As sure as day follows night, so sure can we be James Thomas Jr. is going to overthink a situation and clown himself if Stephen Fishbach isn’t there to hold him by the hand.

Credit where it’s due, JT instigated one of the best tribal councils ever. JT assuming that Culpepper would vote off Sandra based on sweet nothings and then informing him he was voting Sierra so they could idol Sandra out was “Cersei Reinstitutes the Faith Millitant” levels of accidental self-destruction. It created the pandemonic hellscape we all know and love: The Mana’s dancing on the ashes whilst Sierra bestows the Kiss of Death upon a devastated (understatement) Malcolm; Hali and Aubry’s jaws almost literally dropping to the ground, and JT and Sandra both coming close to tears as both of their plans went hilariously awry. It was EPIC and JT put that in motion.

That said, I find him sooooo smug and Michaelous that I just can’t help but dislike his pillsbury doughboy existence. Like, who cares if Michaela eats too much sugar, you just GOT YOUR ONLY ALLY BOOTED, sit back and eat a slice humble pie. Luckily Sandra was there to mess with his g-ddamn’ mind, eat the sugar, make him feel safe and then mercilessly slitted his throat while he had an idol in his [proverbial because he didn’t even bring it to TC with him lolol] pocket. And people still wonder why Sandra is the best.

18. Ezekiel “Zeke” Smith Nuku 10th place

Ugh, Zeke.

Now, I understand that Zeke is notionally interesting and even likable as a “transmale who is more than just his gender”, but my first instincts were always to be wary of him. it wasn‘t until Andrea articulated her own reasons for disliking Zeke (um, the non-self-serving one), that I understood why I had disliked him myself.

As a transmale, Zeke wishes to prove he’s more than his transgender status, a plight I sympathize with. However, in doing so, Zeke inadvertantly ruins the seasons he’s on.

(1) his in-game personality is really barren and insipid. because Zeke avoided talking about himself or his past beyond what is skin deep, he really only talks about ~The Game~ and *snore*. Who on earth is Zeke Smith? I saw two back-to-back seasons of him and I have no bloody clue. This creates the paradox of Zeke’s transgender status being his most notable trait, by sheer force of being the ONLY ~personal~ thing we learned about him. By ignoring it, Zeke is pretty much no different from like... every other droning gamebot this show has produced.

(2) he actively goes after good people. Zeke’s way of getting the confirmation he craves so desperately is to establish himself as a Big Character/Great Player on a reality tv show. I do believe he’s self-aware enough to realize he doesn’t have the panache of a Sandra or a Cirie or even an Andrea but not self-aware enough to realize/accept he’s too bland to ever fill the rifts left in the space vacuum by their potential exits. In Zeke’s mind’s eye, he WANTS to be a Sandra. Ergo, he constantly targets people (mostly women or beta males) who are superior to him in both intellect and personality... I surely can’t be the only one detecting a Girl-Hating Girl vibe from this sort of playstyle, right???

As for transgate, eh. Definitely a memorable moment and one where I sided with Zeke, but it was epic because of others: Andrea breaking down and sobbing, complete with crodocile tears, Tai SCREAMING hard truths in broken English at a backpedaling Jeff Varner, Sarah pointing out inconsistencies and hypocrisies and being SHELL SHOCKED by her first sentent experiences with a transgender person. Zeke himself though, just stared and sat there doe-eyed, taking a moment to ponder philosophically about his ~metamorphosis~. On a human level the correct way to go about the sitch, on an enterainment level valium incarnate .

Ultimately, Zeke is TOO BORING to truly dislike even, and that’s precisely why I do and must? He’s clearly not made for reality television, he’s too earnest and reserved for a game he doesn’t even play well. Idk, Zeke, you’ll have to do something else for a living. Now, I heard there’s a job vacancy for an LGBT councillor in North Carolina...

19. Debbie Wanner Nuku 11th place

When it comes down to “Putting Up A Character”, only two things can happen. Either you’re hilarious or horrific. This season Debbie pole-vaulted from the Coach/JFP side of the spectrum over to Corinneville and never looked back.

I refuse to recount any of her many insidious attempts at camera-muggery; they all boiled down to the same tired rhetoric of “AHA! I KNOW NOW MUCH YOU LOVE DELUDED OLD DEBBIE!! WATCH ME SAY SOMETHING DELUSIONAL OR DO SOMETHING CRAZY!!! PLEASE POINT AND LAFF. HA HA HA. I’M SO FUNNEH :)” bitch that shit only works when you DON’T fling it in our faces 24/sevs. I wouldn’t mind if she had any wits or originality about her, but nope, she’s just an arsehole. :)

People claim "Game Changers” ruined her, but, to paraphrase my Bio lecturer after I flunked my internship last year, ultimately it was Debbie who ruined herself, so~

lol this was prolly the shortest write-up of them all too. What an epic character.

20. Jeff Varner Mana 14th place

Ho, boy, it’s time to discuss Transgate, isn’t it? -___- I’m not even going to pretend like Jeff Varner’s presence of this season had any other bearing. Neither am I going to dissertate “Should’ve Known Better” scenarios because Varner - working as he did at an LGBT organization based in NorCar - definitely knew better.

Fortunately, none of his tribemates were having any of it. I can’t recap this entry any better than having them do all the work for me. Roll that tape: Varner: “What I’m showing is a Deception-” [nb: um weren’t you a pretend bisexual at the time of S2??] Debbie: "That isn’t a deception in a strategic game, I don’t think so :-/” Varner: “Jeff; I argue for the rights of transgender people on a daily basis in the State of North Carolina. I’m just fighting for my life here. I’m not outing him” Tai: “BUT YOU *ARE* OUTING HIM!!!! YOU JUST OUTED HIM!!!” Varner: “I don’t want people to have this perception I am some evil and horrible person” Andrea: “So... what *was* your goal in doing that, then?” Probst: “so, Jeff, you just equated “keeping your identity hidden” to a full-blown deception... isn’t that a giant leap? Don’t you see that’s kind of really bad?” Varner: “Oh I do see that, I feel bad about it. I support ya, Zeke~” Probst: “Dude, you can’t unring the bell-” Varner: “Imnotunringingthebellimapologizingtozeke” Ozzy: “You should be ASHAMED of yourself :-/ You’re playing with people’s lives at this point.” Varner: “I made a horrible mistake. I really thought he was out and loud and proud about it-” Sarah: “if you thought he was out and proud about it, then why were you making a point that everyone should know? Varner: “because we haven’t discussed it” Sarah: (talking over him) “Because he’s *NOT* out and loud and proud about it.”

At the end of the gay, he really only cared about not coming off as the Bad Person, which... ouch. There’s no rock bottom to his dignity when a mil is at stake, is there, huh?

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