#Sid stands for standard instrument departure

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Departure

Departure Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender Pairing: Kidge; Mentioned/ Shown Lanlura Summary: Continuation of Day 26 [fill].Things end. People change. It’s the fact of life. Sometimes the only option you have to to walk away. Standard Disclaimer: If you read and enjoy this, please give it a like/ reblog so I know if I should write more. 

Pidge had fled to Kuliwlt to visit Nihaar, as Coran told them. After Kuliwlt, the planet that Nihaar had been born on and raised for her earlier years, had been liberated from the Galra it needed a leader that could resolve the civil unrest and bring the separated factions together. For Nihaar, whom had never felt wanted by the Blade and had a few family members still living on Kuliwlt, the choice to return home and take control was easy. With all the accomplishments she had and how instrumental she’d been in the freeing of the planet, she’d been nearly thrown into the position.

Pidge tried to get you to come back once she found out she was pregnant. We told her to just tell you during one of her many calls to you, but she was dead-set that wanted to tell you herself in person.

I wish she had told me… If I had known I would have come back.

I know, Keith. I know.

He and Nihaar hadn’t kept up much once she left the team, but it didn’t surprise him that she and Pidge still talked. Nihaar had been the member of the Blade that had pushed him to act on his interest in Pidge, after all, and she always appreciated how Team Voltron accepted her so eagerly.

We finally managed to get her to tell Kolivan she was pregnant so he would send you back, but you were already on your mission at that point. He said that he wouldn’t have been able to reach you even if he wanted to, at that point. Pidge herself gave up on trying to reach you at that point, deciding that she’d just take care of the baby by herself.

She gave up?

As far as she was concerned, you didn’t want to be around. You were more focused on building up your credit with the Blade, and she decided she didn’t really care if that was what you wanted. If you couldn’t come be with her when she sent for you, as she saw it, then you wouldn’t want to be there for the baby either.

He landed just outside the citadel, where there was a forest. He figured it made sense that she would settled down in a spot that, given what she was the Paladin of. It was late in the afternoon, the sun starting to sink lower in the horizon and lighting the sky up with bright orange and yellow and pink hues. It reminded him a lot of the sunsets he’d seen back in the desert, on Earth, and would have been a welcome sight if not for how frigid he felt on the inside.

Everything was fine at first. She was born healthy and well, and even though she was tired, Pidge was doing great. We were trying to help Pidge out where we could with her, too, to make things a little easier for her. But then… Well, sadly, sometimes these things just happen. It wasn’t anyone’s fault; the baby just… stopped breathing.

She wasn’t sick? There was no warning?

SIDS was the determined cause of death. This happens, sometimes, with babies between the newborn phase and two years old. Their bodies are still adjusting to working on their own, so instinctive things like breathing while sleeping aren’t completely programmed in to them. Their bodies read it as the mind being at rest, so that means all the other systems should be at rest, too, I guess… It’s not as uncommon as people might think, but it’s still uncommon. I don’t even think it was an idea Pidge had ever entertained until it happened.

Green Lion was settled along the tree line at the top of a large hill that overlooked the view. It would be a great spot to enjoy a quiet moment alone. Pidge was settled on the grass, seated with her knees pulled to her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around them. He hadn’t seen that guarded pose from her in years. His heart throbbed painfully in his chest as he reminded himself that he was partially to blame for why she was sitting like that. Nihaar was beside her, speaking softly and her long tail gently draped along her shoulders.

Pidge completely fell apart for the first couple of weeks afterwards. She would barely eat, didn’t sleep, didn’t clean up. We got Matt to stay with us for a while and she started to get better, started acting more like herself. She told us that she had made a decision that she thought would help her going forward. I assume it was dumping you.

… Matt was probably happy about that. He’s never thought I was good enough for her.

I’m not gonna confirm or deny that. Matt made it pretty clear that he has a lot of issue with you, so you might want to avoid any missions that’ll put you in direct contact with him. I’m not sure if he’d try anything, but better safe than sorry, you know?

He slowly approached, standing a bit behind them and steeling himself. “Haven’t you done enough to me for one day?” She asked with a small sigh.

“Can we talk? In private?” He asked, looking at Nihaar. The ex-Blade in question stared at him then looked over at Pidge. She gave a small nod and Nihaar rose, staring hard at Keith as she moved past him.

She said something quick and harsh in her native tongue, but he couldn’t place it. He merely averted his gaze, listening until the sound of her steps completely disappeared.

“You should have told me about the baby,” He managed to croak out once they were completely alone. He was a bit relieved that he didn’t sound angry, but his pain leaked through.

“I shouldn’t have had to say more than that it was important and I needed you with me. You asked me to marry you, you promised to be there for me, and you weren’t. There’s not much else left to interpret about that, you know,”

“There’s still the matter of us. This… I don’t want it to end like this. I know I’ve done wrong… I know I said things I shouldn’t have… But that doesn’t mean I don’t still love you,”

“I never said I didn’t still love you. But the thing I can’t get over is that I can’t trust you, that I can’t rely on you. I’ve always made it clear to you that I won’t settle for a relationship where I get back what I put in… That I won’t commit to someone who isn’t going to commit to me as well. You’ve proven you can’t be the kind of partner that I want. No amount of love will ever make me settle for less,” She said, a finality in her words and tone that he knew better to press her on.

He was quiet for a moment before he shifted and sat beside her. “Tell me about her,”

She tensed then slowly looked at him. “It won’t change anything. It won’t fix everything between us. It won’t change how I feel,”

“I know,” He said, holding her gaze. It pained him to admit it, but he knew that there was no coming back from this. They had both made mistakes. They had both suffered for it. “I just… I want to know about her, even if she wasn’t here for very long. I want to at least know what our daughter was like.”

Pidge stared at him for a moment before turning her gaze back out to the horizon.

“I named her Amber Rose. She had my eyes, my nose, your hair, your skin… Lance said she had your whiny mouth, but she wasn’t really that bad,”

He laughed a bit at the jab at him. Of course Lance would say that.

“She had just started figuring out how to make faces and noises before she,” She cut herself off, taking in a shuttering breath and resting one hand on the grass, picking at the strands as if to distract herself. He reached out and tentatively placed his hand over hers, squeezing lightly, trying to offer what little comfort she might find in him. She relaxed just a hair at his touch. “She smiled and laughed a lot. She was always so happy, so full of love.”

She told him a little more; about how Amber seemed to like wearing clothes that were in different shades of orange or peach. Pidge still had the blanket that Colleen had knitted for her when she told her parents she was pregnant, folded up in a small container with the first outfit Amber had ever worn, stashed in her closet. The little star on her bedside table was actually the urn with her ashes inside it, kept there because Pidge didn’t want to leave her in a plot on Earth, so far from the only home she’d ever known.

He sat there and listened, laughing when was appropriate and tearing up as he realized that these were things that he would never experience himself. He never had the chance to hold their daughter and he never would. He never had the chance to see her smile or hear her laugh and he never would. She would never learn to talk and they’d never know what her first word would have been. He’d never need to learn how to properly braid hair. He’d never get to attend one of those little Father-Daughter dances he’d heard about.

He would never have those chances.

They sat in silence after a while, watching as the sky turned dark, and staying until the cold grew to be too much for Pidge to bear.

She stood up. He followed her.

She went to the Green Lion. He went towards his Blade cruiser.

He glanced back at her, his fingers tracing the outline of their engagement rings in his pocket. She didn’t spare him a second glance.

She boarded the Green Lion. He boarded his cruiser.

She returned to Team Voltron. He returned to the Blade.

They took on a life of being strangers, the only reminder of their previous involvement being their broken hearts and the remains of the daughter they never had a chance to truly know.

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