#Shoutout to the one person that always seems to know what I’m thinking :>

[kinglysock]

If we’re ever sitting in silence and I say “shut the fuck up” don’t worry, I’m not talking to you, I’m talking to the one braincell in my head trying to make me feel emotions

[lipglossanon]

Out of the Blue

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Office Exec!Leon S. Kennedy x Personal Asst fem!reader

Shoutout to the AO3 user who requested this little ditty 😆 I hope you enjoy it!! 👉👈🥺

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, office sex, dirty talk, dacryphilia, nipple play, mean Leon, unprotected sex

Title from Out of the Blue by Purrple Cat

part ii

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A recent corporate merger meant big changes for you; you’ve been working as the personal assistant of the (then) Vice President of Communications, but with this new management coming in, that guy had been shifted and you were getting a totally new boss.

Nervously, you’ve been straightening up the office in the hopes of making a good impression— and thereby keeping your position. No one on your floor knew who the new guy was, only a name to go off of: Leon S. Kennedy.

Once you feel like there’s nothing more to be done, you step out of the VP’s office and make your way to the mini kitchen used as a break room down the hall. Hoping that a glass of water might cool your nerves, you don’t even notice the man standing on the other side of the room flipping through a folder.

His eyes track your movements, catching your jittery hands and teeth biting your bottom lip.

You nearly drop your glass when he clears his throat. Whirling around, you give him a shy smile.

“H-hi,” you smooth down your skirt, “you’re one of the new hires?”

A handful of people on your office floor were still coming and going, learning the layout and at times just hanging out in the break room until someone came in to help guide them. You helped a girl just yesterday find her desk, so you don’t think anything of this newcomer.

A slow smile spreads across his handsome face, intense blue eyes staring into your own.

“You can say that, sweetheart.”

You feel flustered at the name but step forward, hand outstretched, “Oh uh, welcome aboard. If you need any help, just let me know. Right now I’m stationed outside the vice president’s office.”

His eyebrows raise slightly, ignoring your offered handshake, “You’re the secretary?”

You ignore the flash of irritation from hearing ‘secretary’ and slowly lower your hand, “I prefer personal assistant.”

“Ahh,” he looks at you amusedly, and before your hand can drop any further he reaches out to clasp it.

He drops a kiss on the back of your hand, eyes still watching you, a smirk playing at his lips.

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet my personal assistant.”

You feel hot and embarrassed, but keep the polite smile on your face, “I’m sure the pleasure is mine, Mr. Kennedy.”

:::::

After that mortifying encounter, your days pass pretty smoothly with your new boss. You feel lucky that he decided to keep you on as his assistant even with that awkward first impression.

After a few weeks, you start to catch him staring at you out of the corner of your eye—but when you turn, his attention is elsewhere. He also seems to touch you at every given opportunity. He touches your arm when he’s walking with you or presses a palm into your lower back when he’s moving around you to his seat in the conference room. He gets as close as possible when you’re typing up his reports or dropping something off at his desk for his signature. It always leaves you with butterflies.

Another work week rolls by and before you can blink, it’s been months since you’ve started to work for Leon. A few of your work colleagues like to corner you in the break room to try and get any gossip— who’s he seeing? Did he really come in twenty minutes late last Monday? What do you mean you didn’t hear that Chris saw him at the strip club?

It’s gotten to the point that you start taking your breaks at your desk. Leon notices it almost immediately and makes sure to stop by your desk from time to time. Today is no different.

“Tired of the office gossip?” He props his hip against your desk, arms crossed over his chest as he looks down at you.

You notice that he folded the sleeves of his shirt so you can see the muscles in his forearms flex. Dragging your gaze upwards with a small shake of your head, you smile at him.

“You can say that,” you pinch the bridge of you nose, “it’s all just..”

“Bullshit.”

Your eyes widen as you stifle a laugh, “I was going to say tiresome, sir.”

He smirks, “Sure thing, honey. Listen, I’m going to need you to stay late tonight. I know it’s Friday, but those weekly statistics have to be in before midnight.”

Your brows furrow, “I thought we were good; didn’t I just compile that data yesterday?”

He clicks his tongue, “‘fraid not, sweetheart. That was projections for the latest quarter.”

“Oh,” you chew your lip, “yeah, that’s no problem, Mr. Kennedy. Want me to drop them off on your desk when I’m finished?”

“Yes, thank you,” he brushes a few strands of hair from your face, making your breath hitch.

Before you can say anything, Leon straightens up from your desk and heads back into his office, door shutting behind him.

You press your palms to your eyes, willing the flutter of nervousness to ease. Taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out, you slump in your chair. You sigh and turn back to your monitor. Glancing at the time in the lower right hand, it reads fifteen after four; with everyone going home at five, you have a good feeling you’re going to end up staying even later than you thought.

You rotate your wrists and then go into your emails. Better to get started on it now than later.

::::

Your eyes feel dry and gritty, but you ignore it in favor of finishing out the last of this report.

“Finally,” you whisper gleefully, hitting the print button on the document.

Standing up, you stretch out your arms with a small yawn. Looking at the time you see it’s nearly half past ten. Still plenty of time for you to grab some takeout and crash in your comfy bed. You sigh happily at that thought and gather up the printed pages, heading over to Leon’s office.

Tapping on the door, you open it a crack, “Sir?”

“Come in, sweetheart. I won’t bite.”

You push open the door just enough to step inside. It clicks shut behind you as you walk further into the room. Leon is backlit by the city lights from his windows. You place the bundle of papers down on his desk.

“Take a look at this,” he gestures to his own dimly lit monitor.

Walking around the wide oak desk, you make your way to stand beside his chair.

After gazing at the screen for a second, you turn to him with a frown, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m looking at, sir.”

He smirks at you lazily, “Sure you do.”

“Wh—“

He grabs your hips and pulls you down into his lap, your thighs now straddling one leg. Your hands come up to brace against his shoulders while his slacks rub against your bare thighs where your skirt’s rucked up.

“Leon,” you gasp, eyes wide and nervous.

“Name sounds so good in your mouth, sweetheart,” his low voice breathes into your ear.

He drops a soft kiss on your neck, leaving a heated trail up to your jaw. Pulling back, you can see how dark his eyes have gotten.

“Been waiting forever to get you alone.”

“We can’t. I’m your—“

“Personal assistant,” he chuckles meanly, “I know, baby. And I’m going to use you for very personal reasons.”

He grips your hair in a fist and guides your mouth down in his. Your parted lips lets him slip his tongue into your mouth. Groaning, he grabs your ass with his free hand and urges you to roll your hips forward.

You whine, feeling so hot and dizzy, clit thrumming with arousal. You follow the guidance of his hand and start to grind your hips down into his leg. You eagerly suck on his tongue when he thrusts it back into your mouth. You feel him groan low in his chest and it makes you arch into him more.

He tugs your head back to take in your blitzed out expression.

“Baby, we haven’t even started yet,” he coos, “got you cockdrunk already huh.”

“Leon,” you whimper, hips rocking on his lap.

“Gonna get my pants soaking wet baby,” his eyes drop down to the apex of your thighs, “fuck, that’s it, good fucking girl.”

Your nails dig into his shoulders, wrinkling the fabric of his designer shirt.

“Knew you’d be so fucking sweet, always letting me touch you, get so fucking shy,” he growls, pulling your hair harder to tilt your neck back, “gonna ruin this little cunt, baby.”

You whine, humping down into his leg harder, slick pooling in your panties and dripping all over his slacks.

“Fuck, good girl, always so good for me,” he lets go of your hair to grip your neck, “always so eager to please.”

He presses his thumb into your panting mouth; he presses down onto your tongue before pulling his thumb free and smearing spit all over your lips.

You can’t stop whining, tears beading at your lash line.

“Leon, please.”

He lets go of his grip on you, and reaches out to tug open your button up blouse.

“Look at those fucking tits, baby,” he purrs, pulling the cups of your bra down until your breasts are completely bare—aching nipples on display.

He greedily mouths at each breast and sucks on your nipples, teeth catching on the sensitive buds until you’re clawing at his shoulders.

“Good girl,” he praises, feeling you shudder at the endearment, “you’ll be good for me, won’t you?”

“So good for you, Leon,” you promise.

As you speak, he undoes your bra and tosses it somewhere in the office. Then, he drags his fingers across the swell of your breasts. He circles your sensitive nipples, thumbs brushing the slowly hardening buds.

Your breath hitches, arousal pulsing in your cunt, “Leon...”

“Bet I can make you come from this,” he husks, “make a complete mess of you from just teasing your tits.”

Your spine arches, pressing up into his hands, “Ahh, they’re too sensitive.”

Leon completely ignores you and tugs your nipples gently, softly tweaking them before soothing them with slow drags of his index fingers.

Panting, your hands twist in the fabric of his shirt. Your clit throbs with every brush against your nipples, but you can’t stop yourself from pressing up into every touch.

Everything that Leon’s doing is making more slick pool in your panties. You’re so wet, it’s seeping into where Leon’s slacks are pressed against your pussy. You can feel the hard press of his cock against you and it sends a thrill up your spine knowing you’re the cause.

“So eager for me, honey,” he teases, voice pitched low, “I want you to take your clothes off.”

“Yes, sir,” you nervously agree, shimmying out of your blouse and skirt quickly.

“Leave the panties on for now,” his dark eyes locked onto your white panties, nearly transparent from how wet they’ve become.

Settling down on Leon, you straddle his thighs, your legs dangling off the sides of the chair. You bring your arms up to tangle your fingers in his hair. You give a small tug and roll your hips down against the outline of Leon’s hard cock. In retaliation, Leon gives your nipples a sharp tug then tweaks them as you writhe in his grasp.

“Look how wet you are, honey,” he groans, gaze drawn to the slick dripping from your panties, “so fucking sexy.”

Your eyes droop in pleasure at those words a low sigh leaving your lips.

“You’ve been driving me crazy,” Leon growls out, letting his gaze roam across your swollen nipples up to your dazed expression, “always so sweet, making me want to do the worst things to you.”

“Yeah?” You whimper.

“Want you under my desk at the next conference call, sucking my cock while I’m trying to work,” he drags one of his hands from your chest up to your lips; he slips first two fingers into your mouth.

“Actually just want you in here on your knees at my beck and call. Just keep the door locked and nobody’ll know my little secretary is sucking off her boss during work hours,” he presses his fingers deeper into your mouth.

You whine and suckle on them softly. He pulls them out with a soft pop.

“Touch me, please, sir,” you whisper as he drags those fingers down to your puffy nipples.

Leon sucks a hard nipple into his mouth as his right hand teases across the other with quick flicks of his damp fingers. He swaps sides, his gaze watching you bite your lip and toss your head back at the pleasure. Pulling away a little, Leon grabs each breast and presses them inward. He runs his tongue from one nipple to the other more easily, suckling them until you squirm in his lap.

“You’re gonna be working a lot of overtime, sweetheart,” he murmurs into your skin, “my own personal hole to use when I want.”

You keen high in your throat, “Sir!”

Leon groans low in his chest and rolls his hips upward to grind his cock against your hot wet cunt, nearly jostling you from his lap. In the motion, Leon’s sharp teeth tugs on a nipple earning a breathy sigh from your lips. He swaps to the other nipple, using his teeth so you’ll reward him with more of those sounds. After repeatedly teasing each nipple with his teeth, you tug at his hair in a silent plea to slow down. He eases off from biting to soft, gentle sucks.

“Love your tits, baby,” he mouths at your nipples, “been wanting to taste these nipples since I started working here.”

You cry out at the hot, wet suction of Leon’s mouth on your sore nipples. Your back curves forward to press your chest closer to his hungry teeth and tongue. You tangle your fingers further in his hair to have something to hold onto. Grinding your hips down, you feel more than hear him moan. You repeat the motion only this time your clit grinds against Leon’s slacks, earning a low cry of want.

“Leon,” you whimper.

He only hums in reply as he keeps up the hot suction on each hardened nub. You try rolling your hips again only to be stopped by a strong grip on your waist.

“You only get to cum from this,” Leon rumbles, voice deep as his tongue lashes against your abused nipple, “be a good girl for me or you won’t get anything.”

You mewl, clit pulsing in arousal, “I’ll be good, sir, I promise.”

He moves your hands to drape across his broad shoulders, “Don’t let your hands drop below my shoulders. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

A sharp tug of teeth on your nipple has you arching in pleasurable pain. Your hands slide up into his hair again to hold him in place, worshiping your chest.

“So perfect,” Leon murmurs, lazily mouthing his way up to your neck.

“So sweet for me,” he speaks against your skin, gently kissing across your collar bones before pulling away.

You feel dizzy and aroused, tugging Leon’s hair to pull him into a soft kiss. He groans low in his chest, pressing you harder against him as he licks into your mouth. He teasingly nips at your bottom lip, sucking on it gently before slipping his tongue further in. You moan in response, loving the feel of his slick tongue teasing your own. His hands came up and grip your hair, tilting your head at an angle where he can kiss you even deeper than before.

Before long the kiss became sloppy and wet, but neither of you really care. You can’t stop whining in pleasure as Leon fucks into your mouth, tongue hot as it teases your own. Chest rumbling in pleasure, Leon draws your tongue into his mouth to suck on it greedily. You slip your tongue away to pull his plump bottom lip into his mouth, nibbling gently before softly sucking. You drag your teeth aggressively against Leon’s lip, tongue following in silent apology for the rough treatment.

Leon growls and pulls back far enough for you to let his lip go with a small pout. His cock twitches at how debauched you look. Pupils blown wide with lust, lips kiss swollen. He moves his hands from your hair to grip your hips. You know his hold’s tight enough to bruise but you only moan in appreciation. You dip your head down to recapture his lips, but he pulls back so your mouths only brush across each other.

You whimper at Leon withholding his lips from you.

“I want to hear how you sound once you cum,” he murmurs, lips brushing against yours tantalizingly.

Fingers begin to roughly pinch and rub your swollen, sore nipples. His dark blue eyes never leave yours as you edge closer and closer to orgasm, your cunt copiously dribbling slick.

“I’m so close, Leon,” you whimper, trying your best not to grind down.

Leon smirks, “Guess I should slow down, huh?”

His fingers lightly tease over the hard peaks. His gaze drops from yours to take in the swollen nipples his fingers are touching. He groans aloud as he can’t deny himself another taste. You grip his head as Leon eagerly laps at your nipples, running his tongue across each one before gently biting.

“Please,” you beg, “Leon!”

Leon bites down harder on your left nipple as he gives the right a sharp twist. Your eyes roll back in your head as Leon gets even more aggressive. Harsh bites followed by a hot soothing tongue has your cunt dripping and needy.

“Like it rough, baby?”

You only moan wantonly in reply as Leon never lets up the assault on your abused chest. You continue to gasp and moan in the empty office.

Leon’s being so rough on you and you love it. Want him to pin you down right here and now. Make you cum all over yourself. Make you take his thick cock over and over.

Leon pulls away with a growl, pupils blown, “Honey, you can’t say things like that.”

You suddenly realize you had spoken out loud— babbling, just spouting out whatever crossed your mind. You’re so far gone now, high on arousal.

“I-I can’t help it,” you pant, “it’s so good, sir.”

“I know, my slutty little secretary just can’t help herself,” he pulls away from your chest, “she’s just gagging for her boss’ dick, right?”

You whimper, back arching, “N-no, I’m—“

“Shhh,” he thumbs open the button on his slacks, “was gonna wait but you need it more than I thought.”

He presses the fabric down until he frees his cock. He tugs your panties to the side and presses the fat head of his dick inside your wet hole.

“Was gonna make you cum from your tits but I think this might be a bit better, huh,” he grins, eyes dark and mean.

He doesn’t give you anytime to adjust and fucks up into you, grabbing your hips to pull you down at the same time. You scream from the too much feeling in your spasming cunt.

“Oh,” he groans, “tight as a fucking virgin.”

He smacks your ass with a condescending laugh, “Did I pop your cherry, sweetheart?”

Crying now, you shake your head no.

“Aww,” he mockingly pouts at you, “that’s too bad then.”

Without waiting for your pussy to adjust, he pulls out halfway to bully his fat cock back into your aching hole.

“Sir, please, I can’t,” your breath hitches on a cry, “s’too big. It hurts.”

“Fuck,” he pulls you down until his cock is buried deep in your pussy, “my big cock too much for this needy hole?”

You hiccup a sob, “Please, sir.”

“Mmm you’ll get used to it,” he pulls out til just the tip is teasing your hole then shoves his cock back deep inside your pussy.

You’re crying and clinging onto his shoulders, but a low heat is slowly building in your abdomen.

“There we go,” he coos, “just needed to fuck you a little first, honey.”

He stopped thrusting and you realize you’re the one grinding down onto his dick—a panting mouth, hazy eyed mess.

You whine but can’t stop your hips from rolling down onto the thick cock stretching you out so painfully.

“Good girl,” he smacks your ass again and you moan.

“You can ride this dick whenever you want, honey, just gotta ask,” he smirks, guiding your hips to fuck down harder.

“Yes, sir,” you slur, brain fuzzy from how deep he’s inside your cunt.

“Little slut,” he laughs, thumb brushing against your clit in slow circles, “cream my cock, honey. Want you squeezing on me when I breed that little pussy.”

You moan loudly, hips humping down on his cock, “Leon!”

“That’s right,” he groans low in his chest, “gonna creampie your sweet little cunt.”

His voice and hard cock, paired with the thumb on your clit, is edging you closer and closer to climax.

“Sir, ‘m close,” you pant, tears dripping from your eyes, “gonna cum, you’re gonna make me cum.”

“That’s it, honey,” he tilts his head down and pulls his thumb away from your clit.

He spits on your pussy, globs of drool dripping down the hood of your clit. He brings his thumb back to rub the slippery mess over and over and over into your sensitive bud.

Your back arches, eyes rolling back, as you clamp down on his pistoning dick. Slick coats his cock as you cum, pussy walls squeezing him like a vice.

“Fuck yeah,” he chuckles, thumb still pressing into your clit, “cream my cock so I can fill up that cunt.”

Your thighs jump and twitch from overstimulation as he keeps teasing your clit and grinding his cock deep in your pussy.

“Take it, honey, fucking take it,” he grits out, snapping his hips up into your squelching hole and pumping you full of hot cum.

You moan brokenly, pussy fluttering around his throbbing cock, liking how it feels to get creampied by your boss.

He leans back into his chair with a sigh, “Damn, gotta say that’s been worth the months of us dancing around each other.”

Your head feels totally empty so you only hum in response.

“Did I fuck you dumb, sweetheart?” He smirks, tweaking your nipples making you squeal, “s’okay, we got all weekend to do this. Just need you back in business by Monday.”

[solbaby7]

Jolene

pairing: azriel x reader

warnings: swearing, quick little blurb, angst w/no comfort, probably typos

summary: [ shoutout to Jolene by Dolly Parton for the inspo but me personally? i would’ve shot jolene ]

—

Envy, the killer of joy.

A feeling that turned even the most pure souls into something cruel and corrupt.

Azriel’s usual routine slightly altering to accommodate the newly Made and barely adjusting Archeron sister. At first you’d found it noble; charming—a testament to his morals and obligation to his High Lord and Lady.

But as time passed and Elain slowly got better, Az got more distant. Less talkative and unable to bring himself out of the doting nature he’d slip into when around her. “Az, my hands work. I can put my own cloak on.”

He knew it was a joke. “I know, it’s just that—nevermind.” Still didn’t stop his mouth from pulling into a barely there grimace, hands pulling away as if you’d bit him and the teasing smile you wear falls.

It’s just that, Elain always lets him put hers on and waits patiently as he ties it securely at her neck.

The step you take back is involuntary but the message is sent perfectly clear when your expression turns to stone, painful realization settling in your bones and it takes everything in you not to buckle on the spot. You’d heard stories, about one-sided mating bonds and the pure turmoil that ensued during the time it took for the others to snap but this—the Mother had a sick sense of humor. Leading you believe that Azriel could ever truly love you without it; a fate more cruel than you could’ve wished on your worst enemies. “You know what, I forgot something upstairs. Why don’t you go on ahead without me and I’ll meet up with you shortly.”

He seems hesitant to comply, brows furrowed as he tries to figure out what had changed so suddenly. After a few beats of time he relents, pressing a farewell kiss to your mouth but he’s gone before you can wonder if he felt your lips tremble.

The safety of solitude allows you the comfort to let the tears fall, shoulders shaking as sobs pull from your chest. You weren’t sure how anyone could bare it; watching the one meant for them love another more than they ever did you.

Manicured fingers curl under the constrictive necklace, tugging it off to make room for the heaving breaths you take and a choked cry fills the space when Elain stands before you. “Gods, I’m so sorry,” You stumble trying to catch your footing and embarrassment burns beneath your skin at the true beauty of her. Perfectly put together in pale pinks and pure white lace. Hand sewn jewels are smattered about the bodice of the finest fabrics, accentuating the warmth of her hair and the glow on unblemished skin. “I thought everyone had already left.” Your arms curl around yourself as you make distance between you, pulling away from her outstretched hands as if they were coated in burning flames.

“Are you alright?”

You laugh thickly but there’s no humor in it. “No,” Your heart won’t stop hammering against your chest and knots form in the pit of your stomach. It’s pathetic, your inability to even appear the slightest bit worthy in the presence of your competitor. But, what was the point when she wasn’t even trying and was still so far ahead? “I’ve been thinking about a million different ways you and I would have this conversation and I assure you, this was not in one of those scenarios.” A poor attempt at a joke but even in the midst of such conflicting and all-consuming feelings, you had no interest in being mean—it wasn’t Elain’s fault. “Forgive me for what I’m about to ask you but are you and Azriel—“ The words clog in your throat, refusing to come forward and you have to turn away from her to wipe your tears. “Are you?”

Elain’s brow furrows and you wonder if that doe look in her eye was the first thing Azriel fell for. Such purity and grace. “I don’t understand.”

“Please, don’t make me say it.” Her heart breaks at the agony in your tone, the defeated sag of your shoulders in the beautiful dress that felt less than lovely when touching your skin. Everything felt wrong the longer you looked at her. So many differences—too many for Azriel to possibly love you both without having a preference. “I love him, Elain. With every breath I take, I love him and I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of it but you—“ Mascara trails down your cheeks and the disgust you feel towards yourself is palpable. “The way he is with you, even I don’t know what that’s like.” A deep shuddering breath to prepare you for the answers to your questions. “So, please, just tell me the truth.”

“He’s been helping me adjust,” Her hands fidget before her, obviously uncomfortable and searching for a safety net but the distance you’ve made hasn’t been broken. You haven’t yelled or accused and the longer Elain stared the worse she felt. “I hadn’t considered how that might affect you but nothing ever happened.”

You shift in place, ankles screaming in your heels and you’re distantly reminded that you promised Az you’d only be a few minutes and this was starting to feel like eons had passed standing in the foyer. “Nothing?” Your voice is lifeless, fresh tears welling in your waterline as your hands grip so tight on your arms your nails bite into soft skin. “He says your name in his sleep,” Elain’s breath catches at the confession and you wonder if Azriel had ever wished to pull that sound from her. Possible scenarios of chaste touches and almost kisses flash behind your lids and the turmoil absolutely eats you alive, gnawing at your flesh and grinding at your bones until there was nothing left. “Reasonably so, your beauty is beyond compare,” Your gaze sweeps over the softness of her hair, the delicate point of her ears just barely peeking through. Soft, feminine features with curves where it mattered and none where it didn’t.

Subconsciously, you take another step back, attempting to hide the endless insecurities in the shadows casted by dim lights but the self-hatred doesn’t cease for a second when she calls your name with such pity.

“Do you love him?” You ask meekly, terrified for her answer and you’re certain she can see you trembling. The tears just won’t stop, blurring your vision and preventing you from breathing normally but something inside of you demands to stick around for her answer. “Because, I can understand how you could easily take him but you just don’t know what he means to me.” Your palm rubs at your chest subconsciously, yearning for a comfort that that hadn’t yet been created—not yet fully formed. “Maybe, it would hurt less if you loved him too—really loved him. But if you don’t, Elain please. Please, I beg of you not to take him from me just because you can.”

Elain remains rooted in place, every flawless feature laced with guilt and shame. She reaches out for you, an attempt to comfort but once her smooth hands reach you skin the sobs wrack your body uncontrollably. She’s too good; too kind and sweet, too innocent and fragile to be touching such stained hands.

It made sense. Azriel loving her. He’d always taken a liking to delicate things.

But Elain had a mate. Had a bond that was mutually shared no matter how hard she fought it. She calls your name once more, full of urgency and remorse when trying to console you but there’s no use. The dam has broken with no tools in sight to repair the damage done.

“You could have your choice of men but I will never love again.” Too much time has passed. Someone will come looking; if not for you then certainly for the High Lady’s sister and the realization has you yanking your hands back. There’s no saving your makeup and Elain can’t fight the tears that fall down her own cheeks as she watches you stumble in the heels, bend over to rip them off and cradle them close as you retreat to the staircase. “He’s the only one for me.”

“Please, I am so sorry.”

The sincerity is appreciated but the words don’t register how they should. “I had to have this talk with you,” It’s barely above a whisper, without the fae hearing Elain was sure she would’ve missed it. “—my happiness depends on you and whatever you decide to do, Elain.”

[sarahisslytherin]

rose garden filled with thorns

peeta mellark x reader

summary: peeta and katniss are just playing their parts, aren't they? sometimes you're not so sure.

contains: angst, jealousy.

a/n: ngl i'm proud of this one. shoutout to @oweninadaydream for being my cheerleader for this fic. gif by @bookcentral.

word count: 840

Just this morning you had woken up in Peeta’s arms; now you watch him glide across the dance floor with Katniss in your place. The Capitol party is in full swing now, pastry-shaped bursts of color flashing past you and music blaring. Snow’s garden is overflowing with people, yet you find yourself with no one to turn to. It seems you’re left with nothing else to do other than seethe in the distance as you sip on what feels like your hundredth drink and your eyes follow the capitol’s “star-crossed lovers”.

You had always been fond of Peeta. You would go as far as to say you might had been harboring a bit of a crush on him all these years. You wished you could’ve told him what to expect at his own games before he was reaped, but you had never found the right moment. There was never a right time to tell him of the horrors he would witness, and learn to live with if he somehow managed to survive. You were thankful for his love for Katniss back then, it is what saved them in the end. But now, after that romance had fizzled out upon their return to District 12, and yours had only begun, you feel the pang of jealousy reverberate in your stomach like the fire of a cannon. 

You can only watch for so long before you feel the need to run off, to escape the scene one way or another. The more you look at them, the more they seem to belong together. Did you really think you would be able to get in the way of their famous love? Peeta swears it’s all an act, that they’re only indulging the public to keep Snow content and the dangers at bay. Part of you wants to believe him, but with the way his hand rests on Katniss’ waist as they dance, the way he seems to gravitate towards her no matter where she is tells you otherwise.

You wander the grounds, your heels sinking into the grass-covered soil with every step. The music from the party fades out the farther away you get, relief washing over you as you realize it. You take refuge in an isolated greenhouse which you find to be brimming with Snow’s signature ivory roses. You try not to pay them mind, beautiful as they may be, because you know just thinking about the man who put you all in this game will make you sick.

Your head is spinning from the heat of the night, from the tight confines of your capitol-friendly attire. You’re in such a daze, you almost don’t notice Peeta’s voice echoing your name until his face is mere inches from yours.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” he scolds you, as if he has any right to. “How could you just run off like that?”

“I’m surprised you even noticed.” you retort, your words slurring a bit. Peeta’s brows knitted as if wanting further explanation. “What with all your attention on your darling fiancé.”

"You can't be serious." he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You know it's not like that."

"How do you think it makes me feel, Peeta? Watching you with her. ever since your games it's been painfully obvious. You loved her then and you love her now."

"Y/n." you hear him groan, but you ramble on.

"I don't know why I lie to myself. I tell myself you moved on, that you love me now. It was stupid. I don't hold a candle to 'the girl on fire'." You barely even notice the tear that dribbles down your cheek until Peeta’s thumb swipes it away. When your gaze meets his it’s like being in the eye of the hurricane, in your own personal haven. 

“It’s all for show, baby. You gotta believe me, it’s all for the Capitol.” he pleads with you, crouching down to meet your eyeline. “Whatever feelings I had for Katniss are gone, I swear.”

You sniffle, helping Peeta to dry your tears. “How can you be so sure?”

“How can I be sure?” he repeats, laughing incredulously. “Because every moment I’m with her I spend wishing I was with you.” His hands come up to cradle your face, delicate in his grasp. You know your feelings of inadequacy won’t disappear with a few pretty words, but for now it is enough. Your breathing has steadied, your tears have dried. This isn’t just anyone, it’s Peeta; and he’s your Peeta now.

“C’mon.” he smirks in that way that looks like he's got everything under control. He stands, offering his hand for you to take, and you do. You pull him in by his suit and plant a passionate kiss on his lips. “Let’s get back to the party. You still owe me a dance.” 

You giggle at that, hand in hand as you leave the solitude of the greenhouse. “Alright, Mellark. As long as you don’t step on my toes.” He snickers. “I won’t make any promises.”

[evolnoomym]

Bigger than the whole sky 🌌

Dbf!Joel Miller x f!reader

Pt.2🌠 | Main Masterlist | Joel Miller Masterlist

Summary: You meet Joel and well of course you fall for each other. It’s a bit bumpy since he’s your Dads best friend. But things seem to work out until they don’t anymore. One event changes everything.

Rating: 18+ mature content mdni!!!!

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings: no use of y/n, pov switches that might be confusing, female reader, reader has hair, reader wears makeup, reader can get pale, weight loss, implied childhood abuse, trauma, angst, heavy angst(?), implied smut, alludes to pregnancy, funerals, coffins, reader has no name only a bunch of nicknames, size difference, dbf!Joel Miller, mentions of throwing up, loss of a loved one, grief, depression (?), food and eating issues are mentioned, talks of having a baby, Blood, dark thoughts, intrusive thoughts, age gap, readers age is not exactly mentioned but Joel is 44, talks of getting married….

If I missed anything please let me know 🙏🏻

Authors note: this is for @almostfoxglove ‘s Angst Writing Challenge. Shoutout to her she created the moodboard, it’s sooooo beautiful. 🫶🏻

Shoutout to @thecutestgrotto and @cafekitsune for the dividers 💙

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so if you come across mistakes it might be due to that. This is also only my second time posting writing for a specific character. I’m totally here for constructive criticism or feedback on how to improve. In general I appreciate comments, likes and reblogs greatly. This not beta read btw only by my eyes and they hurt after starring at the screen for so long 🌌🫶🏻

And lastly I’ll leave some songs i listened to while writing <3

loml by Taylor Swift

Black Friday by Tom Odell

This is what the drugs are for by Gracie Abrams

I guess by Mitski

Present by Lloyd Vaan

Je te laisserai des mots by Patrick Watson

Home by Daughter

Allowed to be Happy by Gustavo Santaolalla

Song on the Beach by Arcade Fire, Owen Pallet

aisatsana [102] by Aphex Twin

Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens

Francis Forever by Mitski

A House In Nebraska by Ethel Cain

Medicine by Daughter

Youth by Daughter

I can barely say his name by Patrick Jonsson

listen before I go by Billie Eilish

You remember exactly how you met Joel Miller, it was so simple. He was the one to give your Dad a job at the construction company he led together with his younger brother Tommy. In the beginning you only heard how great of a boss he supposedly was through your Dads stories. 

Joel and him seemed to have grown into real good friends in the span of mere weeks. You always had wondered what the man from his stories was like in person, up close. 

When you had to drive to the construction site to bring your Dad his lunch he had forgotten due to being a bit busy that morning. It seemed like your wishes to meet Joel would become reality. You didn’t think the big boss would spend his precious time with the actual building process but as you'd figure out in the future, Joel is a hands on kinda guy. 

You must’ve looked super out of place and quite lost when he approached you. His Texas drawl still echoed through your head hours later. „Well Hello Darlin, lookin for someone?“ and if that alone didn’t completely blew you away, then certainly his stunning looks. When you turned towards the voice a tall, broad and awfully handsome man looked back at you.

After an awkward beat of silence he stretched his hand out towards you “Apologies sweetheart, should’a start with the name, huh?” Tilting his head slightly “Name’s Joel, Joel Miller.” At that you let your hand slip onto his outstretched one. His hand was so huge, warm and calloused. Shaking his hand kinda calmed you down Joel Miller was absolutely lovely. “Nice to finally meet the famous Joel Miller that my Dad keeps yapping about nonstop.” You giggled while cheekily winking at him. 

That must’ve been a key moment for everything that was to follow. You’d see Joel again and again. Whether due to your Dad inviting the single, 44 year old Man over or due to you having to deliver your Dad’s forgotten food. 

The tension was slowly building higher and higher between you two until one day in Joel’s office you could no longer hold back. 

Joel stood in his office with you by his side, in front of a pinboard containing all sorts of information about his newest project. He was animatedly explaining processes you’d never understand in a million years. You actually kind of tuned him out and just enjoyed being unbelievably close to him. 

Then his face kinda looked confused. Oh no he must’ve asked you a question. Shaking your head you say  “Mhhh sorry, what did you just ask?” Joel tilts his head towards you the way he always does and then states “Ya didn’t listen to a single word I just said, right Sweetcheeks?” 

He always comes up with the most ridiculous nicknames that cause a vicious pull in your lower stomach. You lost count of how many conversations with him ended in drenched panties. 

“I….i -of course I was listening to you, why wouldn’t I?” You stammered a bit offensively, surely he’d see right through you. 

“Hm kay, so what was I talkin bout, gorgeous?” He’s teasing at this point. 

“Ok I wasn’t listening but that is a lot I don’t get anyway so can you really blame me, Miller?” You fired back. 

“So, whatcha thinkin bout inside of that pretty little head of yours, instead of listening to me?” You just scoff at him “Let’s not pretend you don’t know exactly what I was thinking about Joel.” Pointing one accusing finger at his broad chest. At that motion Joel enveloped your wrist in one of his massive hands, pulling you closer that way. Until you were right in front of him, only a tiny space left between your faces. “Why don’t ya tell me whatcha thinkin about Baby?” 

He must know, just by seeing how your eyes keep slipping down to glance at his pillowy lips, what is going through your head. You’ve been dancing around this topic, the tension, the pull towards each other, how forbidden it is for all of this to happen. Joel is your Dads Best friend and he’s twice as old as you are but you know that if you don’t kiss him right now you’ll go insane. It’s all you think about, kissing him and then some more. 

For the first time in years you actually consider letting someone get so close again. Joel would never hurt you like the ones before him did, no, he’s mature and wouldn’t play any of those stupid games. You know how kind, considerate, protective and caring he is for the ones he loves. Sure it won’t be easy to explain any of this to your Dad but you can’t think about that right now, no, you have to kiss Joel, it’s the last thought before leaning up to push your lips against his. 

One chaste kiss that erupted into a full blown make out session that only got interrupted by some frantic knocks at Joel’s Office door. 

From that day on those meetings became a routine, in his office, his truck, his house or sometimes he’d take you out of town for a super secret Date. The thrill of hiding with the possibility of getting caught soon turned into shame for lying to your Dad so much. You wanted to tell him even though it scared you more than anything how he might react. 

Surprisingly though he didn’t completely freak out, of course he was shocked and confused how this combination came to be. More than anything he took the lying personally and made clear that as long as you are happy, so is he. If Joel was the one then so be it, besides your Dad has a lot of respect for Joel and knows you're in good hands. 

After 3 months of being an official couple Joel asked if you’d be happy to move in with him. You had to think about it for a long time, feeling quite guilty about leaving your Dad behind but he reassured you that he would be fine on his own. He told you that a grown woman like you shouldn’t have to live with her boring old man anymore than you already did. 

So you moved into Joel’s house. And what followed were months filled with wonderful memories. Many barbecues were held, your Dad and Joel always standing at the grill together, each nursing on their beer bottles. 

Whenever you wanted to try a new recipe your Dad was invited over so you could make sure he still ate enough, the night always ending with you sending him home with a bunch of Tupperware's filled to the brim with deliciously homemade meals. 

When you wanted to paint the walls in the living room a new shade your Dad came over to help. 

Making sure his baby girl is happy and content was your Dads number one priority. 

Then one day you went over to his house to catch up a little bit, just you two having some Dad and Daughter one on one quality time. 

He was so excited when you told him that Joel and you want to have a baby. 

He told you what a great mother you’d make because of how wonderful you always have been with kids and how much you always wanted to have kids of your own. 

To others it might’ve been weird to share such an information with their Dad but you have such a close bond that it’s not weird at all. 

You were so happy on the drive home cuz you know what great grandpa he’d make. 

It must've been exactly one week later when you woke up with an indescribable feeling in your chest. As if the world spun a little slower, or the air felt more compromising…whatever it was you couldn’t stop feeling like something had happened. 

Your intuition only perked up more when your Dad didn’t show up for the usual Sunday’s breakfast you recently started doing. 

After 8 calls that nobody picked up you told Joel you would drive over there and as if he knew that you would need him for whatever was awaiting you there, he came with you. 

The closer you got to the house the worse you felt. Hands sweaty, heartbeat racing and your stomach felt like turning over at the sight of the house. Usually he would be up by now playing his obnoxiously loud music that you’d hear on the street through the open kitchen window. Instead it was eerily quiet. 

When Joel had parked the car he told you to wait for him but you couldn't. You just ran up the steps, unlocked the door with your spare key and bolted through the house as if on instinct you skipped up the steps to his bedroom. You flung the door open and there he was. Just laying on his designated side with his glasses still on and one hand on his chest across his heart. He looked like he was just sleeping but deep down you knew he was not. You can’t remember a lot, only that you immediately bolted towards the bathroom to empty your stomach out, Joel came up too and tried  comforting you through the heaving. Then he tried to get you away from the scene. Joel took care of everything while you just locked up inside of yourself. No tears, no screams, no words, not a singular reaction just nothing. Joel had never seen you look so…empty. 

Later on the authorities would say it’s just natural cause, he simply passed in his sleep, nothing dramatic. Not the kind of closure you would have wanted. It didn’t matter how “normal” it was, your world stopped spinning entirely. Everyone seemed to go one but you just stopped. 

Suddenly without any foreshadowing everything was completely flipped on its head. You loved him so much, he was your best friend. He told you all the time how much he loved you even with all your struggles. You’d never have to prove your worth to him; he'd love you no matter what. In his eyes you were a gift, opposite to your mother that looked at you as a burden. You never felt loved by her. She took away your precious childhood and forced you to grow up quickly. So you could take care of her. Even when you told her how close to the edge you were she always made everything about herself. Out of your parents the one person that actually wanted you, died and with him so did your willingness to continue with the fight against all your inner demons.

You lost yourself after that. For weeks you just slept, barely moving, only getting up to use the toilet and perhaps eat something small and drink a bit. Joel had to shower you, otherwise you wouldn’t have done it yourself. Who you were before losing your Dad was gone, as if you died with him. 

Joel tried everything in his power to make you feel better. One time he wanted to paint with you since you loved to do that, but the moment your eyes caught sight of the little paint pots you ran for the toilet to empty out your stomach. Later on he realized his mistake, you used to paint with your Dad a lot all the way back in your childhood so of course that would not make you feel better. Then he tried playing music for you either your favorite songs from your playlist or on his guitar. Nothing, you just continued to be completely catatonic. 

Then the funereal came, a day Joel dreaded he was not sure you’d be able to handle it. In the morning he made your hair and applied a bit of makeup, he watched you do your little routine often enough to know what he was doing. Afterwards he dressed you in a simple black dress and equally black flats. Walking only worked since Joel kept you upright. 

Sitting in the front row bench at the chapel you looked like a ghost. Pale and sunken in. You were asked to do a speech about your Dad but that would’ve been impossible. So Joel went up to do it instead. You just stared straight ahead at the coffin, not sparing a glance towards Joel. 

And once everything was over, the people, mostly his colleagues, paid him their respects. When everyone was gone you stayed and just laid your head on the coffin silently sobbing, which was the most emotion Joel had seen in weeks from you. Only he was to witness this vulnerability. 

Staring at the completed grave was just as daunting. His name is written in cold stone. All that’s left is this hole in the earth and a stone on top with his name. 

You walked away without sparring another glance toward the grave.

Then it seemed like you were getting better. You spoke more, ate more and slept less. You even searched out body contact with Joel, though it was just some cuddling and gentle kissing. But he took it as a step in the right direction. 

You almost fully returned to your old self but Joel could have not predicted how wrong he would be. 

He should’ve listened to his gut that told him something was off when you didn’t kiss him goodbye before he left for work that morning. 

You know how hard it will be but there’s no other choice. You have to get away, you have to leave so he can find someone better, someone who deserves a man like Joel Miller, someone less troubled, someone normal. 

Those fears you have now, always were inside of you but with your Dad passing they just all came to the surface. Grief killed you, it took everything, it’s as if you're in a room with a beautiful glowing bulb and some dark entity just rips it away. You're left in the dark and not even Joel’s light can make it better. 

You lost something nothing can replace. 

All your life you feared what would happen if you’d lose someone like this without any way of getting closure, he died without any warning just poof and gone he was. 

Your final goodbye was never said. 

Now you can’t remember how he used to be, you only remember him laying in his bed without moving a damn muscle,dead. You were the one to find him and even though it was not some unsettling scene it’s not leaving your head. You try hard to remember how he spoke that sarcastic tone he usually used. 

You can’t remember his face anymore, not even looking at pictures brings him back and at the same time he’s all you think about as if he’s haunting you. You hate him for leaving you so early. Why him? What kind of curse was laid upon you that everything always seems to fall apart when you think it’s finally working out. 

It’s as if some higher up can sense that you are happy and content with your life and they don’t want to give you that sorta life. 

The moment your brain processed what had happened you fell into the darkness like a big hole that sucked you in without any way out. Anyone around you could be another loss so what do you do? You leave, you disappear so no one gets hurt by whatever is wrong with you. 

Looking at yourself hurts because it’s him you see and it’s him you hear in your head he’s everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Sometimes you feel like you’re hallucinating because you swear to see him round the corner, you can almost hear him call out but when you try to look there’s nothing. 

Sometimes but much rarer than you’d like to admit you’ve visited the grave, sometimes you speak to no one. Sometimes you scream in agony till you almost lose consciousness from the lack of oxygen. Sometimes you just stare. 

It’s a sick twist of events considering how often he walked on cemeteries with you as a child. You didn’t understand the meaning behind them back then, you only loved to admire the beautiful flower ornaments laying on top of the graves. Your dad always told you how soothing these walks seemed for you. 

One time he took you and you had so much fun admiring the flowers giggling and smiling. Your dad wanted to tell you off since it’s a place where people grieved especially with a woman sitting nearby crying. He went to apologize to her on your behalf but the woman told him not to. She thought it was an uplifting sight to see little you having so much joy about the flowers, that’s a story he always kept telling you again and again. 

All your life those walks soothed your frayed mind. The quiet somber energy is something no other place could compare with. Now it’s the last place you’d wanna be in. The moment you step foot on the property, the panic starts to creep up on you. The closer you get to him the worse it gets. 

Sometimes the voices in your head scream to just start digging into the earth to get him out of that godforsaken coffin. Look at him, do something to bring him back. If the devil would show up to take you instead of your dad you’d do it. He was a troubled man but he tried so hard. He did not deserve any of this, he should’ve been here for all the good times yet to come. 

You imagined him walking you down the aisle, having that stupid first look with him where he’d surely try so hard not to cry but looking at his baby in a wedding dress would’ve been way too much for him to stay strong. You imagined having your first dance with him. 

You imagined how excited he would’ve been to hear that he was going to be a grandpa. In your head you can see him with a little baby that looks just like you. But none of this will ever happen; he's dead. 

Sometimes it’s hard to even look at Joel. He's connected to him as well; he was his boss and one of his closest friends. It’s not fair you know but in your head you see Joel and your dad laughing on the porch about some old men shit like always making their awful dad jokes. Or drinking a beer together or looking to fix something around the house. 

The house, Joel’s house and a place your dad spent a lot of time in. Walking through the hallways is not pleasant anymore, the couch is avoided as best as you can. He used to sit here all the time watching soccer games with Joel. The chair at the dining table he always sat on had to be removed simply seeing it made you sick and eating was already a hefty struggle since he passed. 

He left a mark anywhere and all of it was getting too much. The pressure in your head becomes more and more unbearable. 

Even though you tried to push all those negative festering thoughts away the voices could not be shut up no matter what you tried. 

The worst was when they started to go for Joel, suddenly all you could think of was how he’d die. Joel is only 10 years your dad’s junior. So if he died then why not Joel too. 

So many horrible scenarios played out inside your mind. Car accident, some freak accident on a construction site, getting attacked by multiple people, torturing him slowly, beating him to death, his head all split open, blood everywhere, or what if he gets shot by some crazy Texan who loves guns. There really was not a scenario left to imagine. 

Nightmares in the most cruel ways destroying you slowly from the inside out. And that just proved how one thing can make an avalanche of events happen. He was your purpose for most of your life, you only continued to play this game called life because you could not leave him. And now he left you. 

One time he told you how if it weren’t for you he’d be dead or in jail since there would be no reason to give a damn about his life. He was just like you, living for others instead of for himself. No one understood you like him. Somewhere deep inside you know he wouldn’t want you to blame yourself so much but that singular fact does nothing compared to all the ever suffocating darkness. 

You’d give anything to have him back, feel his warm embrace one more time, hear him say how much he loves you, have him tell you one of his stories, have him tell you it’s going to be alright, take one more look and inhale his signature scent. You have one of his shirts doused in his favorite perfume, it’s what you used to do in all those years you lived far away from him during childhood. Now it does not help like it did back then. What remains of him? Nothing, all of his stuff shoved into a storage unit looked up, buried just like him. 

You know Joel tried hard to be supportive and not push you too hard. Sometimes you wished he would’ve just screamed at you, slapped some sense into you and told you to stop being such a disgraceful mess. That’s what they would’ve done. 

But Joel is not like that,  he helped you so much. Putting himself so far behind. So much so that you feel sorry he has to deal with an ill girlfriend, that’s what you are, a mental wreck. 

He deserves better treatment than the lackluster one you have given him in the last months. He deserves to be free of your weight dragging him down towards the abyss. Even though he told you in the beginning that he loves you with all the baggage and all the challenges, you cannot let him continue to waste his time. 

Besides you’re convinced he’d leave you anyway like everyone before one way or another you end up alone. You have no control of the situation but if you leave then you have the control it still hurts but it’s the only option in your head. 

The decision was made weeks ago, it felt wrong to lie to Joel to keep him thinking everything is fine only to then rip it all away but perhaps it’ll make him hate you so it’s easier. If he hates you then he will be able to move on with his life. Burn all you build together down.

 And then you knew today would be the day. You couldn’t bear to kiss him in the morning; it would only make everything harder. Some time after he left you got up. One last time using the shower you both occasionally used together having foam party’s, giggling, washing each other and then kissing, touching till it leads to you with your cheek squished against the tile and Joel behind you ferociously hitting that special spot inside of you, till you both reach your high. Now you’re alone staring at that specific spot in the tiles, too much so you turn away. 

One last time looking at yourself in the mirror above the sink, the mirror Joel and you both looked into while brushing your teeth. You dry your hair, put on fresh clothes, nothing too dramatic, just some simple black leggings and a black cotton shirt. 

Then you start packing the most important stuff into two big suitcases. Basically only clothes, some hygiene products and a few trinkets that you don’t want to leave behind. The rest can be either sold by Joel or thrown away. You don’t care, the less holding you back the better. 

Once the suitcases are packed you haul them down the stairs towards the front door. And then you just wait. For hours you sit at the dining table just staring ahead at the wall opposite where so many photos of Joel and you hang so many memories and you’ll destroy it. 

You should feel bad but these days you barely feel anything, numb is what you think you feel most of the time. Maybe that’s what your ex meant when he said that you don’t own a heart, that you’re a cold blooded mean person. Someone who plays with people until they stop serving their purpose, that's what he said. 

It’s almost 8pm, Joel should be home soon. You have practically studied the words you’ll say. An Uber already ordered to arrive 15 minutes after he should get home. Not much to talk about the less the easier so you can just walk away. 

Then you hear it, Joel’s truck driving up the driveway and coming to a halt. How he gets out and slams the door shut behind him. His keys jiggling while he searches for the right one. Unlocking the door and closing it behind him. You don’t turn towards him although you know he must be looking at you in astonishment. He can not miss the suitcases and something about the lack of his words tells you he knows exactly what this means. 

Joel cannot believe what he walked into, he knew something was off but just thought that he was starting to imagine things but here you are sitting like an empty shell of yourself and the packed suitcases can only mean one thing, he tries his hardest not to freak out that won’t make anything better. 

He starts walking towards you, slowly, once he reaches the threshold of the living room he speaks up 

“Moon, Darling what’s goin on?” He immediately continues “What’s with those suitcases, huh?” He can’t even hide the nervous quiver in his voice. 

You turn to finally look at him with empty eyes, get up and walk up to him and then “I have to leave.” And with that you move to walk past him but Joel stops you by reaching for you arm, you immediately pull your arm away hissing “Don’t fuckin touch me Joel.” 

He’s stunned by this harsh rejection, his expression full of hurt. Yet he persists by getting close, grabbing your face with both hands, his warm calloused hands that you love- loved so much. He urges “Talk to me baby, what is going on, why would ya need to leave?” Even with everything he tried to be gentle, his voice panicked yet almost just a whisper. 

He can see in your eyes some sadness creeping in when you mutter “Joel..-“ you take one deep inhale “-…this House no longer feels like home.” He can tell even with how hard you try to appear collected that it pains you to say those words. “Wh…what do ya mean? If- if the house is the problem we can just move.” You cut in “No Joel, no i..I don’t love you anymore. Ok? I can’t stay here any longer.” 

It’s a punch right into his gut there’s no way you are serious. “Baby all ya stuff is here you can’t just leave.” He tries to find something to buy him time. “I don’t care Joel just…just throw it away or sell it or I don’t know fuckin burn it. I won’t need it anyway.” He’s so shocked that you use that to continue your path towards the front door and the waiting suitcases. 

On top of one suitcase lies a tote bag containing your phone, a jacket and your wallet sits. You swing it over your shoulder, you can hear that Joel has started crying, his huffed breaths are all you can hear. 

That’s when a car starts honking outside, the Uber is here, you go to open the front door twisting the knob you can hear him walking up behind you with heavy steps. You open the door anyway with him at your back and you move the suitcases out onto the porch. Joel’s trying his hardest to contain his sobbing to a minimum but it’s hard he loves you so much, he thinks about the ring in his wardrobe hidden behind stuff you’d never go for and he thinks about the talks you two had of having a baby. If only he knew 

His heart is breaking watching you walk away from all of it. You turn to him, one last time, he looks shattered, you've never seen Joel like this, you give him a nod as if to give him the ok to touch you one more time if only to give some kind of closure. He moves closer without hesitation and takes your face in his hands once more and leans his forehead against yours. His frantic breathing collides with your face and then “Wh…why Baby just why?” He sobs A simple question and you decide to give him at least something you reach up to put your hands over his to get him to open his eyes. 

“Joel I’m not myself anymore, i-…i feel so all over the place and I’m so scared.” Tears start clouding your sight. “I need to be away from everything. I need to be alone far away to just maybe find some peace. I need to be gone.” And the tears start falling “No matter where I look I can’t stop seeing him and it’s crushing me.” Now you're full on crying. He’s processing what you’re saying and somewhere in his mind he understands that, still he can’t believe this is it. 

“Ok-….if ya need to go at least promise you’ll give some sorta sign ya alright?” He looks desperate “Please Baby….please just a text something anything.” You only nod and then pull out of his grasp, take the suitcases and shakinly make your way to the Uber. Joel can only watch and hope you’ll stick to your words, hope that you’ll find some kind of way back to yourself. 

The Uber driver gets out as you approach and opens the trunk helping to put the suitcases in there. Then you walk to the right door on the back, open it and hesitate for a moment. Joel holds his breath but you continue to slip into the backseat. Closing the door and off the car goes. Joel doesn’t know for how much longer he stood on the porch long after the car was gone. What was there is no more. 

Npt: @almostfoxglove @joelmillerisapunk @aurorawritestoescape @milla-frenchy @joelslegalwhre @thundermartini @studioghibelli @sizzlingcloudmentality @vivian-pascal @strang3lov3 @xdaddysprincessxx @mountainsandmayhem @mrsmando @joelsgreys @janaispunk @the-mandawhor1an @rivnedell (honestly I’m tagging pretty randomly, sorry) 💙

Please don’t repost, copy, translate, or feed into any AI, thank you 🙏🏻

[diamond-champagne]

10. I Love You

Paige Bueckers x Azzi Fudd

Warnings: None

Summary: In which things are figured out and confessed.

A/N: Shoutout to 🌟 for holding me accountable! Feedback is always welcome!

The smallest words are the most powerful. They often have the most impact. Intense and large emotions and experiences welded into a string of four letters. Hate. Love. Lust. Fate.

Fate. The development of events beyond a person’s control. The idea of it is entirely funny because honestly, how could it not be? 

Or at least, that’s what Azzi thinks.

She sits at her dining room table with her family, surrounded by Katie, Tim, Jon, Jose and Paige. The blonde girl that makes her laugh at that silly four letter word. 

How could it be that fate is beyond a person’s control? Azzi felt in control when she talked to Paige the entire plane ride back to Minneasota when they were younger. She felt in control when she answered every facetime call after said plane ride. She even felt in control when she shared a constant space with the girl after the pandemic. So the thought of this possibly not being in her control is laughable. However she only thinks of the word because it’s the only one that describes how perfectly Paige just fits. She has her own seat at the dinner table and her name is on the abandoned chore chart on the refrigerator. Paige is factored into movie nights, dinners, and holidays. Almost like it she was fated to be there and Azzi can only marvel at how easy it was for this to be a new normal. 

Beneath her ability to take that word seriously, Azzi feels warm and fuzzy. She is overcome with a sense of familiarity and softness that only seems to appear when a particular pair of blue eyes and a head full of blonde hair appear. So she revels in it. 

At least, that’s what she’s trying to do before she hears a throat clear. Quite loudly. 

“Are you listening to me?” Tim asks.

Suddenly Azzi realizes that there are several pairs of eyes on her. It makes her flush and muster an apologetic look. 

“Yeah, dad. Be up at 8am. Got it”

That seems to satisfy the table as the majority return their focus back to Tim as he gives a detailed description of their itinerary for the following morning. Tomorrow, the Fudds are hosting a camp for the elementary schools in the area. It’s something that they partake in monthly, helping the younger children grow their skills. So while you’d never know it from the way her dad is animatedly talking, Azzi knows the routine.  

She looks down at her plate, still full of the vegetables that she’s pushed around for the last thirty minutes. Azzi can feel Paige’s eyes on her. When she looks up, she’s met with deep pools of blue filled with concern.

“Are you okay, Az?” Paige asks. Her voice was laced with sincerity. 

“I’m fine.” Azzi replies surely while never breaking eye contact. The pair continue to stare at each other. Emotions swim in both of their eyes that are begging to be voiced into the world. It feels like forever and not long enough that they continue their staring contest before Jon breaks the moment between them to mention some tik tok video that he saw earlier that day. 

The rest of dinner is smooth but Azzi is antsy. She needs to talk to Paige immediately so she takes her shower and gets settled into bed while she waits for her best friend while rehearsing what she could possibly say. Immediately she thinks back to when it all made sense to her. 

-

Azzi thinks it’s been a long two weeks.

Actually, Azzi knows it's been a long two weeks because she hasn’t stopped thinking about the kiss in the bar bathroom.

It’s not that the two haven’t kissed before because well, they’ve had more than their fair share. This kiss though, was under the premise of something much larger than a secret night between the two. It was laced with the feeling of forever and provided such a high that they both wanted to chase for the end of time. Azzi wanted to chase Paige until the end of time. 

So, it’s been a long two weeks and she’s impatient. Azzi also wants to cuddle. 

She’s tired and all she wants to do is hug her best friend and bury her face in a head full of blonde hair. That’s why she flops on her bed as she lets out a groan that probably echoes through the stratosphere.

Well that and the fact that someone is knocking on her door. The brown haired girl pushes herself up and makes her way to the front door. She’s prepared to fully be an unwelcoming host; choosing to greet whoever with an eye roll and a voice that drips in annoyance but it’s her favorite pair of blue eyes on the other side of the door. 

“Hi,” Paige says. It’s a bit quiet and shy but it sounds perfect to Azzi. 

“H-Hi” the brown eyed girl stutters. She wants to ask what Paige is doing but her attention has been redirected to the bags in the blonde’s hands. It only confuses her more when she looks up and is met with a sheepish look on her best friend’s face.

“I missed you,” Paige blurts out before explaining further. “I thought maybe we could hang out because we’re still friends. We’ll always be best friends.”

“I miss you too,” Azzi confesses. “I always miss you.”

Azzi can feel herself smile at the words. It sends her heart soaring in ways she could have only imagined. She thinks this is what love songs must feel like. But then she watches Paige smile and she thinks it’s something she could watch for the rest of her life. But Azzi isn’t sure what to say. She isn’t sure that the words to explain what she feels for the older girl have been invented yet. So instead, she grabs the wrist of her blonde-haired forever and drags her into the kitchen.

As the brown-haired girl unpacks the bags, she discovers ice cream and her chipotle order. In the other bag, sits a hardcopy of “The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo” which she vaguely recalls talking about.

The gesture is small but moving. It’s what makes everything click.

Azzi can feel tears well up in her eyes so she’s quick to wipe them before hugging Paige. She can only hope that she’s able to feel the gratitude that rolls off of the curly-haired girl in waves. But it’s Paige so of course she feels it and of course she pulls Azzi closer to hug her tighter.

They aren’t sure how long they stand in the kitchen, simply enjoying each other’s embrace. But the sound of stomachs grumbling disturbed the moment and resulted in giggles from each of the basketball players. Soon, they’re sitting on the couch, while watching Frozen.

The empty chipotle bowls sit on the counter along with the ice cream that is surely forgotten about by now. That much doesn’t matter though because Azzi is laying on the couch with Paige in her arms. She isn’t paying attention to the movie though because all she can do is focus on the blonde on top of her and how happy she is at this very moment. 

It’s that thought that segways into feeling like this everyday. This being a light, giddy feeling that casts a protective bubble over the two whenever they share a space together. The feeling that has since replaced the fear that once left her helpless and unmoving.

Azzi thinks she can get used to Paige loving her. It’s like a warm blanket that feels like home. Her eyes are soft and her Azzi smile is a permanent fixture on her beautiful face. The brown-haired girl thinks about all the ways they can be more intertwined than they already are. She thinks about seeing her stuff in the bathroom and moving clothes into each other’s closet. The younger girl imagines mini bottles of gatorade next to her water in the refrigerator. She imagines blonde strands of hair tickling her while she’s sleeping and never having any sense of personal space because Paige is a 6’0 baby. 

At the same time, she imagines not having any of it. That feeling of discontentment that had once wormed its way into her heart is back. It’s a bitter and heavy feeling that makes Azzi shift in discomfort. That terrifies her and suddenly she realizes that not having Paige is scarier than anything she could possibly imagine. Maybe the thought of losing Paige is what paralyzingly scarred her. 

Though as she lays on the couch, on the brink of sleep, she thinks of how fate brought them together from miles away. She thinks being scared means that this is something worth having. 

Paige is worth having. 

-

Azzi is broken from her daydream by the sound of her door knob rattling. Paige is in her room dressed in an old shirt and shorts with hair that is still dripping wet from her shower. The blonde stands in front of the mirror while she begins to brush her hair and all the younger girl can do is watch. It takes a bit for her staring to capture Paige’s attention but when it does, the blue-eyed girl immediately turns to her friend. 

“What’s wrong?”

The brown-eyed girl feels like a fish out of water. A wave of emotion engulfs her and it’s too much but not enough all at the same time. There’s love and longing and admiration that swim so deep in her heart and mind that she blurts out the first thing that comes to mind before she even realizes it. 

“I love you.”

PREVIOUS | NEXT

[anthurak]

So I’ve been thinking more about one of the more subtle but striking questions brought up by Ruby’s tree vision:

Namely; to where or rather to who were Raven and Summer portaling to? After all, it’s been established that Raven’s semblance, Kindred Link, allows her to create portals specifically to people she has established a certain bond and connection with.

And this is particularly interesting, because of the people we thus far know have Raven’s ‘Link’, only ONE was otherwise not present in the flashback; Qrow.

And wouldn’t you know it; Qrow also happens to be one of the people we can definitively say DOESN’T know what happened to Summer, going off his talk with Ruby in Volume 7 where he mentions having no idea where Summer went or what she was doing on her mysterious last mission.

Now, as I’m sure some people will bring up, it IS possible that Qrow was actually present and is simply keeping quiet about it to Ruby. However, personally I seriously doubt that. As I simply don’t see the writers cheapening such a personal and important scene between Ruby and Qrow by later revealing that Qrow was actually outright lying to Ruby at the time.

So that seemingly leaves us with seemingly only one other option: That Summer and Raven portaled to someone else.

As to who that someone might be? Well personally, I think it would have to be someone we likely haven’t met yet. I know some people have suggested it could have been Ozpin, but frankly I don’t buy that one bit. Whatever happened to Summer is clearly meant to have MASSIVE implications, impact and general status-quo shattering revelations, all things it would make much more sense that Oz has NO idea to. Not to mention it’s kind of hard to imagine Raven forming a link, clearly a very close connection, with someone she seems to have always distrusted like Ozpin. Meaning that we’re left with a character that we simply haven’t be introduced to yet.

However, after giving it some more thought, I think there may be a THIRD option:

Raven and Summer DIDN’T actually portal to a person.

Remember just how we learned the mechanics of Raven’s semblance?

It was via Yang explaining it, via information she was told by TAI.

Here’s the thing though; Tai certainly knew how Raven’s semblance worked back when they were a team with Summer and Qrow. But it’s also been a LONG time since then. And wouldn’t you know it, these last couple volumes have ALSO introduced us to the concept of SEMBLANCE EVOLUTION.

So what if in the near-twenty-odd years since leaving her team, Raven’s semblance ALSO ‘evolved’? To the point where she can form her ‘Links’ with more than JUST people?

Perhaps now Raven can form a link with objects that have particular significance to her? Or, and this one I find the most compelling, LOCATIONS that are particularly important to her?

It’s funny that we’ve never actually known for sure where or to who Raven has been portalling to all the times we’ve seen her. Sure, in hindsight I think we’ve all been assuming it was Vernal in Volumes 2, 3, and 4, and to Taiyang at the end of Volume 5. But the funny thing is, we DON’T actually hear the characteristic sound of Raven’s portal opening in the V5 post-credits scene with Tai, only the flapping of wings. Implying that Raven may not have actually portalled to Tai directly…

Meaning that throughout the show, perhaps Raven wasn’t actually portalling to Vernal, but rather to the camp, the home which now has great significance and meaning to her. And at the end of Volume 5, she portalled not to Tai, but rather to the home she once had on Patch. Or, for the REAL spicy alternative, to Summer’s grave.

So what if at the start of their world-most-homoerotic-suicide-mission together, Raven and Summer portalled not to a person, but rather to a LOCATION that Raven was able to set up a link to?

(shoutout to @mikey-polo420 for the ask that got me thinking about this :D)

[ashxketchum]

Now it feels like we’re celebrating the 25th Anniversary 😍

This new art for an upcoming collaboration with Karatez is just simply stunning. The theme is (very obviously) “idol” and I personally love the futuristic pop concept they’ve added to the outfits. Although exact date and merch details haven’t been shared yet, they shared a few layouts of the key art.

The outfits are also great this time around because of their little references to the partner Digimon’s Perfect evolutions. Listing them down one by one as always.

Taichi: The blue markings on his jacket plus robotic arm markings on his right sleeve are a nice shoutout to MetalGreymon.

Yamato: We see WereGarurumon’s pattern on his jacket and a few belts wrapped around his hands that captures the punk-grunge vibe of WereGarurumon well. It may be Yamato’s affinity to music, but he looks extremely in his element in this art, it’s not often we see him so raring to go in official merch art (he’s more of a soft smiles guy usually).

Sora: Her gloves and the red bandana on her arm coupled with the feather in her hair are clear shoutouts to Garudamon. It’s kinda funny to me that being the girl who’s crest is a heart symbol, she’s making a victory sign while Mimi and Hikari are both making different types of finger hearts 😆

Koushiro: Honestly they were really subtle with the reference for him and even twitter couldn’t exactly answer my doubts so I’m gonna have to see Koushiro stans step up and answer whether the reference in his outfit limited to the markings on his jacket resembling AtlurKabuterimon’s chest?

Mimi: I think she’s the one with the most easy to catch references, her skirt resembles Lilymon’s and her hair tie looks like Lilymon’s flower canon. I love that she’s making the big finger heart because it’s just so very Mimi. If Yamato suits the passionate side of being an idol, Mimi is definitely meant for the cutesy visual vibe that can make fans go crazy over just a wink and a smile.

Jou: He’s wearing three belt like bracelets around one wrist like Zudomon which makes his a minimal reference though not as subtle as Koushiro’s. I do feel that they could’ve done a bit more with his look, maybe add a horn to the side of his headset? I also can’t wait to see the full art for each kid individually cuz I do think him and Yamato are wearing similar bellbottom pants!

Takeru: The feather on his headset and the yellow suspended straps are a decent reference to HolyAngemon. Considering that they wanted to keep the outfits limited to one colour per kid, I think this is the best way they could slip in the reference, though I wouldn’t have minded a few rings.

Hikari: The feather on the headset, the corset-ish belt around her waist and her gloves are very nice references to Angewomon. Keeping Hikari’s innocence as a kid intact while referencing a Digimon that is undoubtedly considered one of the most sexiest mons in the franchise would have been really tough and I salute the illustrators for coming up with this design! I also like the OG Korean finger heart she’s making, such a cute look on her.

The cherry on top are each of the Digimon partners holding supportive cheering goods for their kids. Piyomon’s love for Sora goes hard with her big name banner. Meanwhile, Agumon and Palmon kept it simple with haoris, Tailmon and Patamon too decided to go the simple route with light sticks. Gabumon, Gomamon and Tentomon seem normal from afar with their hand fans but when you get a closer look on all the hearts around Koushiro’s name on Tentomon’s fan, you know the three spent time making those themselves.

All in all, a pretty amazing illustration to be able to get merch of!

But wait that’s not all, andGallery has also teased a future cafe collaboration with Digimon Adventure on their twitter, more info will be announced on 19th Feb but they did share a preview of what to expect.

[lucienarcheron]

Heading Straight to You [ Elucien ]

Inspired by @washmchineheart elucien post here. I went a little nuts in the tags again and needed to write it out. A little Bridgerton-inspired Elucien, if you will! I hope you all enjoy it :)

Genre: Angsty/Romance | Masterlist | AO3

shoutout to @zenkindoflove for letting me talk it out with you :)

Gods, Elain had never been so angry in her life.

He had sent her a letter.

A letter.

The nerve of it made Elain snarl under her breath as she stomped towards his humble abode in the Night Court, her anger increasing with each step she took; she was glad Feyre had the foresight not to ask questions when Elain had stormed out. 

Elain wasn’t foolish. Did she even have a right to be this angry? Probably not and yet she was simmering with rage.

She knew she hadn’t made things easy for him. Hadn’t really given him too much of a chance to get to know her. But she had been trying. 

Yes, she was still hesitant and careful and awkward around him. With everyone watching their every move, how could she not be! 

But for him to send her a letter? A letter! As if it would be so easy to answer such a question. As if he couldn’t even dignify her with a face-to-face conversation. 

Elain was in front of his home and pounding on his door faster than she expected. 

Lucien opened the door with a mildly confused expression until he saw that it was her standing before him and carefully arranged his features. 

Elain could only hold up the letter, fuming at his calm demeanor.

“I see you received my letter.” 

“How dare you.” she spat.

Lucien narrowed his eyes before silently stepping back and opening his door further, gesturing with his hand for her to come in. “A note with your answer would have sufficed.” he said blandly. “You didn’t have to come all this way to break the news to me.”

Elain didn’t move from his doorway. “Is this some kind of joke?”

Lucien lifted a brow at his mate, a muscle flexing in his jaw before he answered, “Why would it be a joke?” he asked. “Is there something about my letter that was unclear?”

“You sent me a letter.” she snapped. 

“Yes.” he said again in that bland tone that Elain wasn’t used to and did not appreciate. “Though I fail to understand why you seem so upset by it.”

“You’ve barely spoken to me in the last few weeks and instead of trying to have a conversation about this in person, you sent me a stupid letter asking me that?” 

Lucien watched her as she watched him, noting how his grip had tightened on the doorframe. “Why would I seek you out when the moment you know I’m in the city you hide away or make an excuse to avoid me?” he asked curtly. “I’ve been polite about it enough, I think.” 

He stood before her, dressed impeccably as always, his expression now stoic like he hadn’t sent her a devastating question to answer. It made her want to throttle him.

Elain scoffed then opened the letter, gripping it tightly as she read it aloud,

My lady,

As you may have noticed, the communication between us has continued to dwindle and at this point, I will not continue to delude myself into thinking you have any interest in seeing what could be between us. I have given you as much grace as I can extend, but I am reaching a limit that is impacting my own well-being. Please know that I understand we do not owe each other affection but I had thought we at least owed each other a conversation to see if we could be, at the bare minimum, friends. You don’t seem inclined to want that and as such, I am sending you this letter to ask you a question that will release us both from this limbo we’ve been left in.

Do you wish to sever the bond between us? If so, please let me know. A simple yes will be enough.

Regards, Lucien Vanserra 

“Regards!” she snapped. “This is not the kind of thing you ask someone via letter.”

“Again, you’ve never stayed in the same room long enough for me to ask for a conversation.”

Elain flushed. He was right, of course. She couldn’t really deny that this was one of the things she was stubborn about. 

And at first, she was overwhelmed. And sad. And trying to find herself again. Now…now? She wasn’t even sure. She was nervous. Embarrassed. Lost.

He worked his jaw as she glared at him then gestured again to his home. “Would you like to come inside and discuss this?” he asked. “I don’t think this is the kind of conversation we should be having where we could be overheard.”

Elain scoffed and moved past him, shoving the letter to his chest as she stomped into his living room and tried not to think about the brief contact she made with his chest. 

She wouldn't think about that at all when he was asking her to cut ties. 

“You care if people overhear us but are fine to send this in a letter.”

“And?” he asked, his tone sharper than it had ever been with her as he joined her in his living space. “I’m happy to give you an additional night if you’d like to think about it but given the way you’ve actively avoided me for years and barely speak in my presence, I would’ve thought you’d be jumping for joy at the chance to say yes.”

“Oh, and you know me so well to anticipate what kind of responses I would give you?” She asked, her tone veering on a sneer that she had never heard herself use.

“Considering you act as though I’m a parasite here to infect you, I made an educated guess based on the very loud thoughts you yell my way from the noose of a thread wrapped around our throats.”

Elain pursed her lips, the angry flush on her cheeks deepening. “So you admit it’s a burden and not a gift?”

“It is a gift but if you don’t wish to see it that way, I am not a male who forces his company on anyone and I am sick of waiting for you to grow a spine and request to cut the ties between us.” he snapped quietly. “You toy with me and my time. One day you grant me a moment of your company, the next you pretend I don’t exist. You may think I’m a statue with no emotions but I can assure you, my lady, I can only tolerate so much. This has gone on long enough.” Elain watched him with narrowed eyes as he adjusted his stance, his gaze burning a hole through her body. “So I’ll ask you again, do you wish to sever this bond between us?” 

Elain felt her body heat and if she could burst into flames she would. 

Yes, she’d been resistant. Yes, she’d avoided him. 

But gods, he really had no idea.

She had been human. She was going to be married and had a whole life planned out. She wouldn’t have these powers that she had no control over. She wouldn’t have these nightmares of being kidnapped in the middle of the night. Her brain wouldn’t have to keep reliving the horrors of the cauldron. She wouldn’t have to keep pretending she was fine.

It wasn’t even him that was the problem. It was everything else. It was her life being snatched from her. It was her choices being stripped away as a casualty for a war she had nothing to do with.

It was that he had been nothing but polite to her since they met despite her avoidance. 

It was that this bond made her hate herself for staying away from him because every fiber in her body only urged her to go to him instead.

“You think it is so easy to sever this bond?” she hissed, glaring at him. “I’m not a fool – I understand the consequences that would follow such an action. I won’t be responsible for what happens to you.”

“Don’t pretend you’re worried about me, my lady. If I am to lose my mind at the expense of you being free from the shackles that tie you to me, I will do it.” he snapped. “If only to stop feeling like a beggar for scrapes at your feet.”

“I never asked you to wait.” 

“Your problem is that you barely speak to me, much less ask for anything.”

“Well I never asked for this!”

“And I never asked for you.”

Elain recoiled like he’d slapped her and a pregnant silence filled the room. She could only stare at him and her chest suddenly ached. 

He’d never taken such a tone with her. Then again, she’d barely allowed him to converse with her. 

Elain worked her jaw, the thundering of her heart pounding in her ears and all her senses couldn’t help but focus only on Lucien. The scent of him. The way his gaze bore into her, his mechanical eye clicking as they faced each other. 

She could resist him all she wanted, but Elain had always known that whatever her fate was, it would always find her and Lucien Vanserra had been her fate since the Cauldron spat her out to start this new life.

They orbited around each other enough that Elain knew no matter what she said or did, she knew exactly who would haunt her thoughts the moment she lay in her bed. She could ignore him all she wanted but thoughts of her mate would consume her every moment. 

“For someone that doesn’t want me, you certainly don’t act like it.” she breathed and she had never seen the expression of disdain on his face aimed towards her as he scoffed. 

“For the record my attempts to connect with you is what trying looks like. It is you who does not want me.” he retorted. “I have done nothing but give you space as I expressed interest in getting to know you at your own pace time and time again. It is you who has never taken a moment to even see if whatever this is between us is worth exploring. And now I am sick of waiting.” He took a step towards her, anger radiating off every inch of him. “So answer me.”

“Do not demand things from me when it could –.”

“Answer the question and free me from this torment.” 

“Free you?” she bristled and took a step towards him. “You think it’s torment for you? You think I want you to feel this way? Do you think I want to feel this way?” 

“And what way is that, Elain?” he hissed and the sound of her name from his lips nearly made her shudder. 

“You think I want to be consumed by you? Sensing your every move?” she breathed. “You think I want to think about your arms holding me at one of the most traumatizing moments of my life? You think I want to think about how the sound of your heartbeat has been the only way I can allow myself to sleep? You think I want to think about how overwhelmed I become with your scent that if I don’t remove myself from the room immediately, I’ll do something reckless that I know I’ll regret?”

“Oh? And what reckless action is that?” he sneered. “If it’s a stab to my throat, you’d only be putting me out of my misery.” 

“Do not pretend that severing this bond will change anything about the way your presence clouds my judgment and jumbles my every thought.” she snapped. “Do you think there is a single corner of this land you could go to that wouldn’t feel like you’re taking my very breath with you? Do you think distance would free me from the torment that being around you is?” Elain closed the distance between them and jabbed her finger into his chest. “You – you – you are the curse of my fae existence and despite all my resistance – you – you –” She took a shaky breath as she stared at him, the confession she’d been so desperate to keep secret slipping from her lips, “Are the object of all my deepest longings.” 

Her lips trembled as she watched his hands slacked at his sides, his expression falling into surprise but Elain couldn’t bring herself to say anything else. 

How could she make him understand? 

Love was something Elain had always craved. The courtship. The romance. The yearning.

If the circumstances had been different – if she had met Lucien before Graysen – the idea of a soulmate was exactly what she wanted. Feyre had explained it to her so well and mates was something a hopeless romantic like her would’ve waited for. Would’ve craved. Someone who was her equal. Someone who saw her and loved her, flaws and all.

Instead, Elain had been a human girl who had fallen in love with a human man who threw her to the side the moment she no longer fit the mold he needed her to. She held on to their short-lived romance, to that engagement as a way to keep the last shred of her humanity in any way that she could. She could hide her ears and fight against her visions. She could resist this bond as long as she could. 

But her fingers were bloodied and bruised from how hard she was holding on to something that wasn’t meant for her. She had been trying to shove the door closed on Lucien for years and the door refused to shut. Whenever Elain tried to approach him and see if there was something there, it scared her. It terrified her to feel the way the thread at her ribcage tugged her towards him. To know that everything she’d had before was a waste. 

And now she had confessed just how much he affected her and her cheeks flushed at the shell-shocked silence between them. She had stunned him into silence and had just opened her mouth to spew more at him when a feral look overtook his face and Lucien leaned closer to her as if he couldn’t resist being in her space.

“You think you don't haunt my every waking moment?” he growled and Elain’s brows narrowed, her expression hardening at his tone. “Do you think I have known peace since I've met you? If I am the curse of your existence, you are the catalyst that blew up my life and yet— I can do nothing but yearn for you.” Elain felt her chest rise and fall rapidly as he seemed to breathe her in, barely any space between them. She watched as he worked his jaw, glancing down at her lips then meeting her gaze again before saying, “If I am the object of your longings, know that you have infiltrated my every breath – my every thought and I have never been so thoroughly intoxicated by anyone the way I have been by you. And I can do nothing but let myself drown by it.”

A heart beat of silence passed. Then another.

And Elain felt hot and cold at the same time as a heated silence enveloped them and she couldn’t help but stare at him, taking in his features so up close, even as anger stood between them. She licked her lips as she stared at him and watched as his eyes flashed, the flush spreading to her neck. 

Was there a point to her resistance then? He clearly had no qualms the way she did but –

But Elain was sick of thinking and overthinking. She was sick of it all.

How dare he ask her that question then proceed to confess such feelings to her? 

Lucien’s lip curled, despite the stain of red on his cheeks. “Is there something else you’d like to spew –”

“Shut up.” she snapped and before she could stop herself, Elain yanked him by his tunic and pulled him down to press her lips to his. 

The very air between them came to a halt and it was like the world had tilted on its axis. 

Their kiss was an eruption of fireworks – a dam that was now flooding and the very blood in her veins was singing. Lucien seemed to hesitate for a breath then his hands immediately wrapped around Elain’s waist and she allowed an arm to slide around his neck, pulling him even closer as the kiss deepened. 

And it came to her with alarming clarity exactly how foolish she had been the last few years.

She had been holding on to the idea of what Graysen had given her when kissing him was nothing compared to Lucien’s lips on her now. 

He was the light – he was the sun and Elain felt her body glow as she sank quickly into his flames as every inch of her craved more, more, more. 

His kisses were just as hungry as hers, soft noises slipping from her before she could stop them and her embarrassment was only soothed by Lucien’s matching groans. Before either of them could stop, Lucien had Elain pressed against him as he lifted her and turned swiftly to seat her on his dining table and she let him. She let him stand between her legs, her dress riding up as he leaned even closer, every inch of their bodies touching as his mouth caressed her lips in kisses, nipping, and biting in a way that told her he wanted to imprint his lips on hers and gods, did Elain want him to.

Elain was nearly clawing at his back with how tightly she was gripping him as he stole her breath away and she wondered if she had ever actually experienced passion before this moment. 

“Stop – thinking –” he demanded between kisses, his hand sliding to the back of her neck and squeezing gently.

“I’m not –” 

“Don’t you –” 

“Lucien –” 

His lips mapped out a path from her jaw down her neck with a swiftness that made Elain’s breath stutter and she wanted more – more that he provided her with when his lips found hers again in a searing kiss that had her seeing stars.

She felt that tug of fate between them. She felt that magic. 

Elain’s hands traced his muscled back, tugging on strands of his hair as he stole more and more kisses. She didn’t know what to do with herself but let him – she let him take what she’d been so reluctant to give and Elain – gods, she felt and wanted and needed – 

A crash startled them both to a halt and they turned as one to find the source of the noise – a vase lay shattered on the floor. 

Elain blinked at the sight of the familiar flowers that had scattered. Those were from her garden.

And it was like a bucket of cold water had poured over her when she glanced back at Lucien, both of them breathing hard. 

She could only watch him and think about the feeling of his lips on hers, the way his tongue had tasted hers, and the way his hand was touching her skin.

She could only think about her flowers in his home and her expression shuddered as her heart began thumping so loudly. She had been so angry with him and yet she’d been the one to grab him and – embarrassment suddenly coursed through her and she fought to keep her expression from falling.

As always, he seemed to sense the change in her emotions and his expression shifted as he slowly released her and carefully assisted her to slide off the table without looking at her. Her pulse fluttered nervously as she watched him back away a step, taking a deep breath and Elain quickly straightened herself, running a hand through her hair. She licked her lips, feeling the ghost of him. 

“Well.” 

Lucien stole a glance at her and she watched as he shook his head and turned away from her, his fists clenched at his sides. “I’m sorry.” he said tightly and Elain’s brows furrowed.

“For what?” 

Without looking at her, he gestured around helplessly. “You may have initiated it but I allowed it and it’s in exact contradiction to the question I wanted an answer for.” he muttered. “I am a gentleman but I fear that whatever shred of sanity I am holding on to is hanging by a thread around you.” 

Elain bit the inside of her cheek, observing the way he was holding himself. She was sure he felt the way their bond was taut at their proximity, in the aftermath of their kiss.

A kiss she would surely be thinking about more later.

“I’d think what just happened would answer your question.” she finally allowed herself to say and Lucien half turned towards her.

“You say that but how do I know you won’t go back to avoiding me?” he asked. “How do I know it meant anything more than a moment of curiosity for you?” Lucien turned away from her again, tension lining his back. “Anger brought you here. Anger I’m not sure I even understand. I only ask that you don’t toy with me. Please.”

The embarrassment that had washed over her earlier was nothing compared to how she felt now. How it felt to feel his own embarrassment and discomfort sit in the air between them. 

Had she really been that cruel? Had she been so self-absorbed that she hadn’t taken that much time to consider what all of this had done to him?

She frowned. Elain wouldn’t deny it had crossed her mind but Lucien had always done a decent job of keeping his emotions in check around her that she didn’t…feel the need to dig deeper. She was stuck in her head, worrying about herself enough that she didn’t try to venture outside of her own struggles. 

She’d been too busy pretending she was okay. 

Shame coiled in her chest and she felt her shoulders droop. 

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad about yourself.” Lucien said quietly, his back still to her. “I just…can’t keep doing this. This limbo will drive me more crazy than severing a bond ever could. Especially now…now that I know what you taste like.”

Elain’s hands tightened in the folds of her dress and she suddenly felt the urge to cry. Gods, she really had been thoughtless in coming here. She had been angry that he wanted to sever a tie that she herself hadn’t tried to explore further. Out of fear. Out of cowardness. Out of sheer stubbornness. 

Did she just assume he’d lie in wait for her? Who was she to drag someone along in such a way? She hadn’t asked for this but neither had he and Lucien had been more patient with her than most would be. 

He knew how she felt. He could probably sense more about her mental state than anyone else could and maybe that was what terrified her so much. 

But it certainly didn’t excuse her choices.

A heart beat of silence passed then Elain swallowed and finally whispered, “You’re right.” She took a breath then added, “I’m sorry.” 

Lucien seemed to stiffen and she watched as he clenched his hands at his sides then unclenched them. “Is that your answer then?” he asked quietly.

Her heart dropped. “No!”

Lucien turned around to face her with furrowed brows. “Then what are we doing, Elain?”

She licked her lips again and curled a strand of hair behind her ear. “I – I don’t know.” she answered and knew she couldn’t be anything but honest with him as he watched her, his gaze burning through her.

“Then tell me why you came here. Tell me why my letter made you angry.”

She pursed her lips and her throat bobbed. Again, she forced herself to be honest. 

“Despite your belief that I only avoid you – which I did for a while, I don’t deny that –” Elain began slowly. “I had been slowly working my way up to reaching out to you for a few weeks. I was – am hesitant about it because of the time that has passed between us.” She glanced at him and her cheeks flushed further at his gaze. “Your letter came and caught me by surprise.” 

“Did you think I would wait around forever?” he asked softly and though his tone wasn’t accusatory, Elain felt the shame sit heavily on her chest. 

Her fingers tightened again in the folds of her dress. “No.” she answered. “You have no obligation to do so.”

“No, I don’t.” he answered carefully and Elain tried not to let herself deflate at the turn the conversation had taken. 

“I – I understand.” 

“Do you?” he said with a strained laugh. “Because I don’t.” 

She bit her lips and flushed deeply when he squeezed his eyes shut and took a breath. “Now you understand how I feel.” she whispered. “How my brain behaves when it comes to you. I am lost and confused and embarrassed and I – I –” Elain looked away from him, her hand on her throat as she fought the onslaught of emotions.  “I am overwhelmed.”

“Why?” Lucien asked gently. 

“Because you’re supposed to be my soulmate but to me, love is a choice and I didn’t choose this.” she confessed and Lucien blinked then blinked again. 

“I understand why it doesn’t feel like a choice.” he began then tilted his head observing her. “But what we do with the mating bond is a choice. We choose to accept it. We choose to adjust it. We choose to – to sever it. We can choose to make it whatever we want.”

It was Elain’s turn to blink as Lucien continued with a small, albeit sad smile. “It only requires a conversation.”

Elain suddenly felt the urge to vomit right all over his lush carpet. “Fate doesn’t feel like a choice.” she whispered and the beating of her heart seemed to increase as his gaze softened on her. 

“I’ve always found that fate is what you make of it and that is always the right choice.” he replied.

A sense of unexpected relief seemed to wash over her at the understanding that now sat between them. She hadn’t known what to expect when she made her way over to him. Her irrational anger had fueled her steps and now…now Elain felt relieved. Calmer, albeit still a tad embarrassed.

But she had needed this. They had needed this. 

They observed each other in the silence and Elain let herself see him for who he was. She let herself take in his handsome face and broad shoulders – she allowed herself to catalog every inch of him. She should’ve done it sooner.

“So…” she began softly. “Where do we go from here?” 

The corner of Lucien’s mouth lifted slightly. “That depends. I still need a clear answer to my letter.”

Roses bloomed on her cheeks as she said, “Is it still not obvious at this point?”

“A simple yes or no will do, Elain.”

Elain’s eyes narrowed slightly at Lucien and though his tone was teasing, his gaze was not. 

So she cleared her throat before primly answering, “My answer to your letter is no. I do not wish to do that.”

A pleasant tension filled the space between them as they stood a few feet apart as though they hadn’t been drawn to each other from the moment they’d met those years ago. As though they hadn’t just had their hands all over each other. As though their lips hadn’t only just tasted each other and were already tingling, craving more. 

“And…does that mean you wish to spend time actually getting to know each other?” he asked carefully.

Elain’s throat bobbed. Maybe it was time they finally explored what the Mother had given them. Maybe it was time she stopped being so stupidly afraid.

“Yes.” 

Lucien slowly nodded. “Good.” 

“Great.”

“Then you owe me a date.” 

Elain blinked rapidly. “Excuse me?” 

“You heard me.” Lucien said and at her expression, his lips twitched – and it was like all the anger and discomfort that had been between them earlier had simply washed away. “You owe me a date.”

“I do believe I am a lady and ladies are meant to be courted.” she said with amusement. “Unless fae customs are different and I somehow missed the memo.”

“Oh no, my lady – that is the typical structure.” he said and the smile he gave her was the most fae-like expression she’d ever seen. “However, you missed the memo where I have attempted to court you in the past and you shut me down at every turn.”

Elain made a noise of protest but Lucien held up a hand. “Please Elain, I need you to keep it together. There is no need to rush with a proposal at this time.” 

Her expression flattened but her mate only smirked at her. “Feyre did warn me that you have an obnoxious streak but I didn’t think I’d see it so quickly.”

Lucien snorted. “Bold of your sister to say that considering who her mate is.” he said and Elain’s lips couldn’t help but twitch. “Regardless, I do expect you to woo me properly.”

“Do you, now?” she asked with a raised brow and Lucien’s response was a small smirk.

“But of course. I look forward to seeing what you can come up with.” 

Elain could only shake her head in disbelief and they stood in that comfortable silence for a moment before Lucien gestured with a hand to the living room.

“Would you like to stay for a drink?” he asked quietly and though Elain did wish to stay, she knew she needed to process what had just happened between them.

So she shook her head with a small smile. “Don’t you know? I apparently have a date to plan.”

And as she sat at her desk later that evening, she thought about how she had left his home feeling lighter than she had in a long while. She thought about the smile he had given her as they said goodbye. She thought about how he had walked her to his door and felt his eyes on her the entire way home. 

It only seemed right that what started with a letter should continue with one and so, Elain sent him one of her own that same night. 

My lord,

I would like to know if you would humble me with your presence and accept my invitation to dinner this Thursday at 6pm at Servanda’s Resturant. Your charm and chivalry have caught my attention and it would be an honor to spend the evening with you. 

Please let me know your response at your earliest convenience. 

Yours truly, Elain Archeron

His response came an hour later and Elain nearly walked over to his home to truly throttle him.

My lady,

Thank you for noticing my charm. I have no doubt that you are already enamored by me.

As for your request, I will think about my availability. Please note my preferences for sunflowers to roses and plan accordingly. 

Yours truly,

Lucien Vanserra

Elain scoffed at his audacity then chuckled softly; it wasn’t like she didn’t deserve his teasing. 

Noticing a small arrow on the bottom of the letter, she quickly turned it over to find an additional message and for the first time in a long time, excitement bloomed in her chest.

PS. I’d be delighted. Thursday night it is.

[niphredil-14]

TMNT Rapael/Reader- "Held Space"

A/N: this took me absolute ages and is unedited because i got lazy. shoutout to my now ex-gf for dumping me which gave me the inspiration to finally finish this fic Pairing: Best-friend!Raphael (i imagined this as 2003, but frankly could be any of them)/reader Content Warnings: cheating, insults, toxic bf, best-friend raph Word Count: 2.1k

She stood on the subway, arm reaching up to hold onto the handgrip as she quickly switched her gaze between her phone and her surroundings. There were too many people around, and so little space, but she did her best to shuffle around to keep some semblance of a personal bubble. She was lucky that she didn’t have too many stops between her work and home, and though it felt like much longer to her, within fifteen minutes of hopping onto the train, she was stepping off, eyes flicking down to her phone when it chimed. Unlocking her phone, it opened up to her text thread with one of her best friends, the contact name, raphie, followed by a ninja emoji, a turtle emoji, and a red scarf emoji. She had promised to text him once she had got off work and was heading home. Most of the thread had been meaningless rambles, a few memes, and lots of complaints about the horrors of customer service from her, and even more complaints about Leo from him. It was the newest additions to the thread that captured her attention.

You: I mean, at least my bf’s on cooking duty tonight. I don’t think that I could handle having to cook after today lmao

raphie: yeah, so long as you trust him to not fill it chock full of nuts and not know where your epi-pen is again.

You: yeah that sucked

You: But that was one time! And I feel like it can he easy to forget someone’s allergies if it wasn’t all that important before. And he’s been better lately!

raphie: better as in actually good? Or better as in just not ghosting you for weeks at a time even though you live in the same apartment??

She sighed as she looked down at her phone. Raph had insanely high standard for anyone that was close to the people he cared about, and she was sure that it was just his protective side showing a bit. She figured that if Raph just knew him a bit better, that he wouldn’t be so harsh on him. She thought that it was just because Raph didn’t know him like she did, and that, really, Sam hadn’t been all that bad recently. Things seemed to be looking up. There was a brief time that he wasn’t being so loving, but in the past month, he had really turned around, he was amicable and affectionate, and kept up his side of the chore chart, he was really putting in an effort. And Raph, she thought, just didn’t know what he was talking about. She pondered all of this as she walked the few blocks from the train station to her apartment. With every step, her exhaustion grew, until the reached her door. She struggled with her keys for a moment, before finally getting them into the lock and turning the handle, letting the door swing open. She took a step into the apartment, shutting the door behind her, and dropping her purse down on the floor beside her. It was when the purse did not land flatly as it normally would that she looked down, and found that another purse had gotten in the way of a successful landing. Confusion wrote itself across her face, as her eyes then trailed around the room, finding several feminine items that most certainly did not belong to her. She experienced a strange sense of extreme clarity and clear-headedness that was always so unexpected in moments of great pain and betrayal. She let her gaze travel all over the room a few more times, as she then noticed the sounds emanating from her bedroom. She pulled out her phone and opened her most recent text thread.

You: raph

raphie: ?

You: I need you to come to my apartment now.

She slid her phone back into her pocket, not waiting for a response, and quietly opened the door again.

“Baby! I’m home! I thought you were gonna start on dinner?” She called out as she slammed the door shut. The noises from the bedroom ceased, and she imagined the panic on the lovers’ faces. She waited a moment by the door, and heard a voice yell from the bedroom.

“You have a girlfriend?” A feminine voice spoke. His voice was muffled through the door, though she could tell that the girl with him cut him off. “You fucking asshole!” She heard the two of them moving about in the bedroom, and moved to the kitchen, opening up a cupboard and grabbing a wine glass. The bedroom door slammed open, and a flustered woman stormed out and up to her. “I am so sorry! He told me that he was single, I had no idea, I swear.” She looked at the woman, and despite her anger, couldn’t logically stay mad when she knew that they had both been wronged.

“Not your fault that he’s a lying piece of shit.”

“No kidding.” The woman replied. They both stood there, somewhat awkwardly for a moment before the woman apologized again and left. She was given only aa moment of peace before her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend came stumbling out of the bedroom, evidently only just having finished putting on pants. He was paid no heed, as she reached for a corkscrew in the far back of a cupboard.

“Baby, I can explain!” The words flew out of his mouth, and he took a large inhale, as if preparing to ramble. She cut him off before his lungs had filled.

“There’s no need. You shouldn’t waste the little time that you have to gather your essentials.” She spoke, her voice calm and even.

“What?” He asked, incredulous.

“You can come back for the rest of your things Saturday at 3pm, as for now, just fill a bag or two with your most immediate essentials and leave.”

“The fuck?! You can’t kick me out! This is my home too!” He stepped towards her, and she looked at the clock. She knew Raph wouldn’t ignore her text.

“Not according to the lease. Which has only my name on it.”

“Bullshit! That doesn’t mean shit. And you didn’t even gimme a chance to explain!”

“There’s clearly nothing that needs to be explained. Despite what you may think, I’m not stupid. I’m fully capable of putting two and two together.” She cut off another one of his fruitless attempts to argue. “Sam. My name is on the lease, I, alone pay for the rent and all the bills. On top of my full time job, I also do a solid ninety-percent of the cleaning and chores, and pay for all of your stupid subscriptions. As far as the law, or anyone with basic common sense is concerned, I own this apartment and everything in it. Now, round up your shit, or at the very least your wallet and car keys, while you still have time to get out of my home.”

“The fuck do you mean,’still have time?’ I’m not going anywhere. You can’t force me out of my own damn house.” She could hear the bedroom window be forced open, and the thud of two feet landing on the ground.

“You will leave, or you will be forced to leave.” She said, doing her best to not allow her emotions to show in her voice. He continued to step closer to her, still yelling.

“You really think you can force me to do anything, bitch?” She turned to face him, and looked past him, seeing Raph quickly approach. A smile beautifully matched the cold look glowing in her eyes.

“I don’t need to. You’re leaving.” She said, firmly. He lurched, but a much larger arm than his came around his neck, and applied heavy force, forcing a choked out wheeze to fall from his lips. Sam was pulled backwards into a firm body, his hands unsuccessfully clawing at the arm around his neck.

Raph spoke with a large smirk etched across his snout. “This guy botherin’ you, ma’am?” Humor dripped from every syllable. She returned his smile kindly.

“As a matter of fact, he is.”

“Well, then, lemme take care of that for ya.” Raph said, sliding his arm away from Sam’s neck, and grabbing onto his thumb, twisting so that his body would follow as Raph dragged him to the door and threw him out, leaving him crumpled on the ground, gasping for air. She walked up beside Raph, and tossed Sam’s wallet on the ground in front of him, before retreating back into her apartment once more. Raph gave the pained man a cruel smile as he spoke. “And stay out!” After slamming the door in his face, Raph turned and walked farther into the apartment, reentering the kitchen once more, where he found her finally pouring herself a glass of wine.

He stepped towards her slowly, careful to not startle her. “Hey, uh, you okay?” She stood with her back facing him still. He saw her take a large sip of her wine, looking out the kitchen window. After a moment of hesitation, she spoke, her voice losing its conviction by the syllable.

“I’ll be fine. Thanks, Raph.” He took another few steps until he was only inches away from her. She still kept her back to him, and so he reached out and placed a gentle hand on her upper arm, carefully turning her to face him. As soon as they were face to face, she crumpled. Her lips pulled tight in a grimace, and her eyebrows scrunching up, the skin of her nose and cheeks already flushed and rosy, and her eyes shining with unshed tears.

“Oh sweetheart.” Raph said, bringing his other hand up to her un-held arm. “What happened?” Her head lolled slightly to the side, and a heavy sigh escaped her.

“You were right, and I should have listened to you.” She said, her voice breaking at long last. “I just-“ She stuttered. “I just wanted to believe that we were happy and that everything was good, you know?” He nodded along, and rubbed gently strokes on her arms as she told him the events of the night. “I don’t understand why he would do that. I did my best to be a good girlfriend. I did everything for him. Why wasn’t I good enough?” She was rambling, just letting all of her negative and untrue thoughts come barreling right out of her mouth. Raph’s grimace grew as he was forced to listen to all her depressing self-talk.

“Stop that.” He cut her off sharply, more so than he meant to. He attempted to correct his harshness by giving her a small, reassuring smile. “He’s just a dick, you did nothin’ wrong, it wasn’t you.” She inhaled, and he continued to talk before she got a chance to argue with him. “You were perfect, and he didn’t deserve you. I know how much work you put into the relationship, and how much effort you put into planning special things for him. You were not the issue. He was just the biggest piece of shit around, and you were unfortunate enough to fall for him.”

“Raph,” She said, quietly.

“’m not done.” He continued. “He was damn fuckin lucky to be blessed with your presence, let alone to have you as a girlfriend. You got any idea how lucky any man’d be to have you, huh?” She sniffled, and he pulled her in tighter, letting her hide her face in his shoulder. “I wish I coulda convinced you to leave him sooner. You deserve way better than that garbage, you hear me?” She burrowed her face deeper into the scaly skin of his shoulder. “You hear me?” He repeated, and waited until she nodded into his shoulder before he continued. “I know that it hurts now, but believe me when I say that you don’t need him. You could do so much better than him, Sweetheart, you don’t even know.”

The only sound that came from her in response were sniffles, routinely interrupted with a hiccup as she sobbed into his skin. He held her there for several moments, not offering any more words, simply sharing the experience with her and holding space for her pain, but he couldn’t just stand there for long. Gently, he adjusted his hold and lifted her off of the ground, holding her tight to his body, and began to steadily walk into the living room, dropping the both of them down onto the couch. He continued to hold her close, as he rubbed large, slow circles on her back, allowing her to push all of her tears out, uncaring of the slight dribble of snot beginning to drop onto his skin.

“You’re gonna be okay, Hon, I’m here, I’ve gotcha.”

[plutoccult]

ALWAYS THE ARTIST, NEVER THE MUSE

pairing: eren yeager x gender neutral reader

description: you know you shouldn’t have let yourself fall for eren, but you did anyway, and it only left you with nothing but hurt when you knew his heart belonged to another. after months of torture, you finally have the strength to let go, granting you the happiness you so desperately needed back in your life.

word count: 1.7k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: happy december? no, angsty december. this particular one shot is a little personal for me because it’s based off a final conversation i had with someone who i essentially let have hold of my heart for far too long and finally had the strength to let go of them a few months ago. he’s like jake gyllenhaal minus the age gap. i say this because he gave me the ability to relate to the moment i knew aka not being there for my 21st birthday! insane! i did however make it less personal by giving it some how i met your mother vibes, but there’s still inklings of my personal life in it. writing helps me heal and express my feelings in a way that i’m comfortable with, so i feel good writing this as part of my healing journey? corny to use fanfiction for healing, but to each their own. sorry if this is too angsty, but imagine how my life has been LMAO. anyway, big shoutout to my friend @toorubobatea for beta reading this. i really wanted her to read it before i posted it, so thank you queen!! and now i hope you guys can enjoy it just like she did! mwah! and i’m tagging @jeanboyjean since she so kindly asked me to <3

you knew that the day you met eren yeager, your life would never be the same, but my god, did it your life turn upside down. pulled in so many different directions you couldn’t tell what was left or right anymore. you felt like you were losing yourself in the process, but you wanted more of him like you wanted to breathe air.

it was always a mistake. one beautiful, soul-crushing mistake. he’d lead you on with mixed signals and uncertainty, but you lived for the thrill because it was the only interesting thing going on in your life. it’s “for the plot”, as you’d always say. even if your friends told you a million times he was bad news and you would only get hurt in the end, you didn’t care.

he was just your friend, that’s what you two always claimed; just friends, but you always sensed a hint of a lie in those words. you couldn’t be just friends. not when he remembered everything you said down to what you had for lunch last week or that time your mother fainted as she watched you get stitches for the first time as a kid. not when he spoke to you everyday like clockwork, a routine that seemed to come easy. how could you ever be just friends? how could it not be more?

you were inevitably in love with eren yeager, and it crushed you when you realized he never once had those feelings for you. not only that, but he was in love with someone else; mikasa ackerman, his best friend since childhood. it all made perfect sense, and you wished you never met him in the first place. but even then, you couldn’t keep yourself away from him. as long as he didn’t know of your feelings, everything would be fine, right? oh, how you were so, so wrong.

you tortured yourself every time you spoke to him. you listened to him as he pined for mikasa, too scared to admit his feelings to her. of course you knew what it was like to be in that position, the one you wanted was sitting right in front of you and he didn’t seem to have a clue. it frustrated you so much, but even so, you’d rather have something instead of nothing with him. such a sad way to feel, such a sad way to live when you think about it now. always the artist, never the muse. constantly crafting for others, nothing ever created just for you.

you’d push those feelings deep down into the darkest pit of your heart, but no matter how hard you tried, it would all come back every time you saw his face or even thought of him. those thoughts of maybe if you were prettier, funnier, and just overall better plagued your mind, but you had to shake them away. one day, you knew, you’d ultimately become fed up and blow up about it. it was the only way you knew how, the only way you could be free.

so now here you were, sitting at your usual booth in your favorite bar—assuming it may no longer be yours after tonight—waiting for eren to arrive so you could talk. you assumed he could sense your seriousness and urgency when you texted him, but you figured so be it. one way or another, you’d do this.

he arrived like you expected. you refused to let him make you second guess yourself, so you kept your cool and acted as normal before you dropped the bomb on him. besides, the shot you took before he showed up was quite the help, plus the drink you swirled around in its glass now.

eren walked over to the bar to grab a drink before heading over to the booth, expecting you to stand up and greet him with a hug like always, but you remained in your seat, clutching your drink in your hands.

“hey, i got your text.” he said as he sat down across from you.

“i see that.” you reply. he noticed you were acting different, not like the y/n he knew. it was obvious you had something on your mind, and since he knew you so well, eren could sense you were going to spill your guts about something.

“what’s up? is something wrong?” eren asked. this was it.

“i just.” you pause. oh god, you were really doing this. “i just wanted to say that i’m done with whatever this is.”

he’s silent, he doesn’t know what to say. you feel like the words are all coming out like vomit. you almost wish you were spewing real vomit right now, but you weren’t quite drunk enough for that. you had to get through this hellish conversation first, at least.

“i’m done. i’m not going to make a fool out of myself anymore. i’m done trying. i’m giving up.” you say, tears threatening to stream down your face, but you fight them away. “i’m done exhausting myself of trying to be something i’ll never be because deep down i know i’ll never be yours.”

eren should’ve seen this coming. all those times you fell silent when he ranted to you about his love problems. you always wanted to scream in his face about how the one person in this world that actually wanted him was always right there, that it was you. even so, he could never give you what you wanted, and he felt like the worst person in the world because of it.

you wait for him to speak, but he doesn’t say anything. if this was going to be your final conversation, he might as well say something. “well, speak now or forever hold your peace because i’m clearly not holding mine.”

“i mean, it’s just not what i was expecting to hear.” eren finally spoke. “i’m just shocked.”

“trust me, i never expected to say it either, but if i’ve learned anything, it’s that i care too much.” you tearfully admit. “too much about you when i know where your heart belongs and it’s not with me.”

“i’m sorry, y/n. i never meant for things to get like this.” he said with sincerity, although you wondered if it was all a lie. “and you must know that there was never any hostile intentions behind any of my actions.”

“that’s funny. it always seemed like there was.” you looked down at your drink, quickly moving your gaze back to him as he spoke once more.

“no, you…” eren paused, trying to put the words together in the best way he could. even if he didn’t seem like it, he did care someway, somehow. “you’ve been there for me when i needed someone most and i’m really, really grateful for that, but i can’t give you what you want, and i’ve been unfair to you as a result. i’m sorry.”

huh. this really wasn’t what you were expecting. where’s the insults? where’s the twisting of your words? why is he actually being apologetic and taking accountability? you wanted to say this was crazy, but this is eren you’re talking about. you always knew he was too good. too good to ever be yours, even.

“you know, this is usually the part where you flip out and make it all my fault instead by calling me delusional and crazy.” you force a laugh. might as well laugh through the pain, right?

“i’m not gonna flip out.” eren said.

“why?” you question him.

“because i know i’ve done wrong by you.” he replied.

“well, that’s a shock.” you take a sip of your drink, tempted to chug it, but eren’s words shocked you into stopping the liquid from going past your lips.

“it shouldn’t have to be, y/n.” he frowned. “you deserve someone who won’t weigh you down. you deserve to move on, even if it’s not flattering for me.”

you set down your drink as you let out a sigh and briefly cover your face, rubbing your eyes before showing yourself once more. “i hate that you’re being so nice about this. i was expecting to yell at you or something.”

“do you want to?” eren asked you.

as much as past you would have loved to, you didn’t have the energy to be bitter anymore. “no… i’m okay. this is better.”

“you sure?”

“yeah, positive.” you say, followed by silence. there wasn’t much for you to say anymore, and you couldn’t beat on this dead horse any longer. it was time to finally say goodbye, no matter how much it pained you to do so. “um, i guess we should just end this here, huh?”

“yeah, guess so.” he looked away. this hurt eren too, but you both knew this was for the best. you’ll be thankful later down the road.

“would it be totally wrong to sneak in a taylor swift quote right now?” you ask, almost immediately regretting the question.

“no, go for it.”

“eh, maybe not. too corny.” you thought it would be best to keep those words to yourself. besides, it was too hard to pin it down to just one thing. he was worth a hundred songs, ones you may never listen to the same way, but that’s okay.

“she’s a wise, wise woman, you know.” eren said, a grin slowly creeping up on his face, despite the circumstances.

“yeah, she is.” you softly smile. at least you could end this on a little good note.

“goodbye, y/n. i wish you the best in everything.”

“goodbye, eren. i really hope you get her someday.”

and with that, you placed a twenty dollar bill on the table and left the bar, no longer claiming it as your favorite and leaving it to eren, along with your favorite place to sit. like with everything else in life, nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same, and that’s okay. you knew that now.

it was such a strange feeling, having this weight lifted off your shoulders. you had been burdened with this boulder for so long you forgot what it felt like to be weightless. you were finally clean of eren yeager, light as a feather, but most importantly, happy, and freeing yourself of such delusions was the greatest gift you could ever receive.

© plutoccult / 310802. please do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my content in or outside of tumblr. reblogs are appreciated <3

[flamingo-writes]

Autumn English Sky 

Hobie Brown x Fem!Reader

Third person, self insert, fem reader, she/her pronouns used

Summary: Hobie goes out looking for one of his childhood friends, after a while of being missing and busy due to his Spider-Man duties. However when he finds her, she seems to have been struggling for a while. Hobie sits with her in an attempt to get her to open up about it.  Warnings: cursing, mentions of weight, weight-loss (but there’s no explicit description of the reader’s appearance other that having lost some weight), eating disorders, depression, Word Count: 1.7K 

Big shoutout to: @midnightnoiserose, every so often I go back and read the comments you leave to get a serotonin boost. Thank you for supporting my work so diligently 🥺💜

Putting the Author's note here bcs its longer than usual:

Author’s note: It’s been a while, I know. Life’s been busy I guess. ADHD-ing too close to the sun, dealing with adult life, work, periods where I feel burnt out, depressive episodes that come and go, you know how it is. Even though I’ve been constantly writing, I haven’t finished writing, nor I’ve written something I deem good enough to be posted. Whether it's my impostor syndrome, leaving stuff incomplete, or simply because my writing has been lazier, who knows. The thing is I haven’t posted anything in a while. As I’m writing this, I’m thinking: Hopefully this one will stick to the wall, like spaghetti. If you’re reading this, it means I made it. I finished writing something.  I guess this one will be slightly more personal? I’ve been mostly rummaging in my own life events and thoughts, looking for an outlet, so this might as well be that. 

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a while. Hobie can’t exactly place his mind as to how long it has been. He’s been busy. Between taking care of his own universe, protecting people, making art, subversive actions, and taking part in some of the missions assigned in other parts of the multiverse. He was busy, indeed. Not because he had the responsibility to respond to Miguel’s every request, but because his friends asked for help. It’s been hard, tiring even, but not impossible to balance everything happening in his life. Every once in a while he went incognito for a while to catch his breath and ground himself. 

But he had to admit, things slipped off his mind every so often. With Gwen’s constant presence lingering in his sailboat, he’d forgotten to check up on one of his friends. To check up on her, who he called by every pet name in existence but never actually calling her by her actual name. 

“Shit,” he sighed tiredly as he put his guitar aside and got off his bed. Gwen, who was hanging out as usual in his dimension, bouncing her drumsticks on the dining table gazed at him. 

“What did you forget?” She asked, already used to his quirks. 

“I’ll be right back, I might take a while,” he said, completely ignoring her question and grabbing a scarf and heading out into the chilly autumn afternoon. 

Gwen watched him leave, raising an eyebrow. It wasn’t weird for Hobie to avoid questions. So this wasn’t anything new. Also when he said he’d be away for a while, that always ended up being at the very least six hours. So she guessed he had some important business to attend to. She sighed and kept drumming on the table. 

As Hobie swung around the city, his mask on, he took the usual route to her place. It wasn’t far away from the dock where his boat was docked. But as he swung past her flat building, he noticed all the lights were off. Gazing through the windows, there didn’t seem to be anyone inside. So he proceeded to keep swinging around the city, going to the usual spots she frequented. 

It was Saturday afternoon, so stopping by her workplace wasn’t an option, she wasn’t there. He tried her favourite coffee shop, nothing. He headed to the park she usually took her dog to, nothing. As his options narrowed down, he went to the public library, hoping to find her. She wasn’t there, not inside the library at least. But she was hanging out by one of the small gardens inside the old building. 

One of the small gardens, with a small playground, and a couple of benches, he spotted a hooded silhouette. Although, even with the hoodie over the head, he was quick to recognise her smell. That familiar smell he associated with a warm hug the countless times she snuck him into her room when he was homeless and she still lived with her parents and let him spend the night and sleep on the rug beside her bed, wrapped in blankets that smelled just like her. 

“Been lookin’ for ya” He said calmly as she was sipping something out of a paper cup. 

As if snapped out of her trance she looked up at him, meeting his honey eyes and smiled at him. 

“Hobie!” She said happily, although he was quick to pick up on the tired tone in her voice. 

Not only  her voice, but something about the eye bags under her eyes, even the sight of her face, he noticed something different. 

“Are you alright?” He asked as he sat beside her, and noticed her slight shivering, holding on to her paper cup as if clinging to the heat. He took off his scarf and wrapped it around her neck. “If you’re cold why don’t you go inside?”

She shook her head solemnly and gazed at the empty playground looking rather bright compared to the autumn dirty English sky. 

“I don’t mind the cold…” She admitted in a low voice. 

“You’ve lost weight.” He pointed out calmly, looking at her attentively. He was aware of her constant recovering-relapsing cycle, noticing how seeing her gain and maintaining her weight worked as an indicator that she was doing good. Seeing her lose weight meant something had triggered her relapse. 

“Sorry about that…” She sighed defeated. 

“Don’t apologise…” He pointed out as he kept gazing at her. “Is everything alright?” 

Hobie didn’t want to admit it, but he felt partially responsible. He knew how important he was to her, they were close friends. Or at least used to be. He’d been busy, absent, and she also hadn’t been reaching out as she would normally do. But he wasn’t looking for someone to blame. He was more worried about her current state. 

“Could be better, frankly…” She sighed and took another sip to her paper cup. “I’ve been maintaining my current weight for a few weeks…” She explained. “I mean, I know I’m looking thinner that I normally do…I lost weight, haven’t gained it back, but at least I haven’t kept losing any more weight…” 

Hobie hummed, and glanced back at her. “Care to share a little bit more, luv?” 

The silence lingered, filled by the howling of the wind. After several seconds. 

“Frankly speaking, I am not sure what happened…” She admitted. “One day, I just noticed my appetite was gone…” She looked at Hobie. 

The tired look in her eyes was enough to tell him she was telling the truth. Perhaps, in the beginning, her eating disorder was tied to self esteem and image issues. But her most recent relapses seemed to be tied to a feeling of losing control, and even an addiction. She’d explained to him that at some point it just felt like an addiction. It was harming, torturous, self destructive, but something about it was oddly comforting, sometimes even euphoric. It was something he couldn’t understand. His time being a homeless boy, the stomach aches he’d get from being hungry for so long were far from gratifying. He couldn’t understand how she’d find comfort in such a feeling. But he understood how addictions worked, and he was more than aware that addictions simply didn’t make any sense. Yet, they held their victim by the throat and seduced them over and over again despite the number of side effects. 

“I’m sorry,” Hobie said softly, filling in the silence. She hummed. 

“Don’t apologise…” She whispered softly in an attempt to comfort him. “It’s not your fault. I really don’t know what caused it…” 

“Maybe if I hadn’t gone MIA for so long…”

“Or maybe it’s just the seasonal depression,” She added and gazed at him. “You’ve been busy, I know that. And it’s fine. You being gone didn’t cause me to relapse,”

“I’m not saying it did. But maybe if I wasn’t missing for so long, maybe I could’ve checked in on you earlier and helped you,” 

Hobie watched her shake her head slightly and look away. 

“There’s no turning back time, plus it’s fine…My appetite is still gone, but I’m not actively losing weight…I just can’t bring myself to gain it back…”

“Baby steps, huh?” 

“I guess…” 

Hobie sighed and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close to him, hugging her tightly. 

“I’m still sorry for suddenly disappearing. I just suck at managing my time,” He smiled when he heard her soft chuckle and her free hand wrapping around his body while the other kept holding her paper cup. “But I’m here now, okay?” He said looking down at her and pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. 

“Thank you,” She whispered softly and gazed at him. “The weather is getting colder, the sun setting earlier…and the fact that I’m busy with work as of lately…It’s starting to mess up with my head,” she explained calmly. “I haven’t been able to make any art either…”

“Life’s been busy, hey? It sucks…” Hobie pointed out. “You haven’t made any art because of a lack of time, or a lack of motivation?” 

“Both,” she admitted and gazed at Hobie. 

Hobie sighed. “Come on,” he said, standing up and offering a hand to her. 

“Where?” She asked and finished her drink. 

“Your place…it’s getting late. We can order some takeout, eat together, and make some art. It’ll do you good…” He purred softly. 

“And make what exactly?” she chuckled awkwardly as she stood up and held his hand as he pulled her with him and headed out of the library. 

“Anything…you draw and paint, the possibilities are endless…” He said with a warm and optimistic tone. “You write too so, either a poem or a short story…Just let that silly creative mind of yours spread it’s wings,” 

She chuckled and followed him. Throwing her paper cup on the first bin she found and headed out of the library. 

As Hobie had said, they stopped by some restaurant, ordered take out and went to her flat. They ate dinner, chatted, caught up, and spent the afternoon together. All attempts at trying to make art failed. Feeling rusty, she wasn’t able to make anything substantial, nor anything she liked. But even just the effort made her already feel some sort of relief. 

At the sight of her smile, Hobie felt his own lips curl into a smile as she watched her get frustrated, laugh, sigh and start over repeatedly, whining about being out of practice. He’d say something back, either a sarcastic comment, or a joke, anything in an attempt to keep that smile on her face. 

He decided to spend the night over, reminiscing of their teenage years, when he’d stay over the night in her room. When they were kids, he’d sleep on the rug next to her bed since her bed was that small. Now her bed wasn’t so small, allowing both of them to fit in there. The chilly weather was the perfect excuse to share the bed and keep each other warm. They kept talking well into the night, snuggled under the bed covers, whispering as if they would wake someone else, despite being the only ones in the apartment. Eventually falling asleep next to each other. The company, the talking and the banter, as well as being pushed to create art were the therapy she needed, granting her a good night sleep in a long while. 

[thetriplets3]

whispering to each other + searching for the other’s hand in bed like theyre both tired but cant fall asleep (matt or chris x y/n or smt)

❝𝐢’𝐦 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰❞

pairing: matt x reader (no defined relationship but mutual pining?)

warnings: brief mention of anxious thoughts, loneliness, depression, vague mention of suicidal wishes

a/n special thanks to @dwntwn-strnlo for editing this you’re the best and shoutout to whoever it was to color code dialogue i took that idea anyways enjoy 🍿

having my 3 best friends away on tour was hard enough but having a rough few weeks physically and mentally on top of that was really hard on me. since i've moved here i haven't really made any friends. parties, events, and crowded loud places aren't my thing which makes it hard to meet people. sure i've met people the odd time the boys dragged me out but i was never able to hold a conversation let alone willingly go up to people. which brings me to now.

the triplets asked if i wanted to come on tour with them but i was in the middle of the semester, the busiest time. so i've spent the past few weeks alone, only leaving when i had to work. it sucks having no one to be able to go do things with, to talk to, and to just be there.

mindlessly clicking through the stories of people i follow, just trying to distract myself from my own thoughts, my screen reveals the faces of the only people i wish i were with right now. my heart aches watching them have the time of their lives being able to explore places they always dreamed of and getting to show their personalities on stage. don't get me wrong i'm beyond happy for them and how successful they’ve become the last few years, but i just wish i were with them. quickly hearting matt’s story of him posing in front of the bean in chicago, i drop my phone beside me and get under my covers, curling up. he seemed so happy being on tour.

i lie there, thoughts wandering, and tears gently flowing as i realize how truly alone i am. my thoughts are disrupted when i feel my bed softly vibrate. lazily rolling over, i grab my phone only to be met with a text from the person i yearned for the most. matt.

heyyy look who’s alive!

where’ve ya been it’s been a while since any of us heard from you?

you doing okay?

unfortunately i've been busy, midterm term time sorry edited

i’m fine

looks like tour’s fun, you look happy

unfortunately? please take time for yourself too you can only do so much if you’re not at your best

you’ll do great on them don’t overwork yourself love

it’s a blast seeing new places, meeting new people, i just wish you were here

shoot i forgot you can see what the other person edited

i was kidding. i’ll try

i wish i was there i miss you but it makes me happy seeing you be successful

we’ll be home before you know it i miss you too

and with that i turn my phone off for the night and bury myself under my covers in a desperate attempt to shut my brain off from thinking things it shouldn't. as the hours passed i tossed more and more not able to fall asleep, stay asleep and get comfortable. peeking at my clock to see the glowing 6:44am, i roll over shoving my face into my pillow and let out an unnecessarily loud groan. seeing no point staying in bed just to not be able to sleep i pad my way to the living room, claiming it my spot for the day. i put on a random season of the office to fill the silence and loneliness that i've sadly become used to. having seen the office far too many times, it's become a comfort background show, making it easy for me to fall asleep.

i accidentally ordered a package to your house from the last time you used my amazon prime to order something. it says it’s been delivered could you just put it aside for me? have a good day

staring at my phone i reread matt's text a few times, my mind still fuzzy and confused thanks to my lack of sleep. finally understanding it after the 5th time, i wrap my blanket around my body and trudge over to the door to pick it up. opening the door and checking the ground for a package i'm met with beat up air forces instead. startled, my head whips just to confirm it's who i thought it was.

matt.

all the loneliness, emptiness, sadness, yearning to see you hit me at once, a wave of tears overcame me as i engulf you in a hug nearly sending you and i to the floor. no words have been spoken, there's no need to. i immediately bury my head into your chest, your one hand coming to cradle my head as the other holds me securely to your body. we stay like this for a few minutes before you slightly pull away grabbing my hands and placing them around your neck, sneaking a quick peck to my cheek as you do so. your hands snake around my waist and gently lift me, bringing both of us into my house. closing the front door we make our way to the living room sitting on the couch turning to face each other.

god i missed you. today was our last day of tour but we were gonna stay there and explore the city for a few days but i couldn’t wait any longer i needed to see you. i was worried about you and couldn't bare the thought of being away for another second.

i missed you more. things haven’t been right since you guys left

like what?

it feels stupid to say out loud but ive felt so alone. like i have no one other than you guys and that makes me feel so pathetic that i rely on you guys so much. i haven't been able to sleep that much my mind just won't shut up i kept thinking about you guys and worrying about something bad happening to you it's stupid i know. heavily sighing i roughly wipe my face drying the tears that i tried so desperately to not let fall.

hey what did we talk about? every thought and feeling is valid they’re not stupid don’t say that.

you stand and offer me your hand and lead me to my room where we crawl into bed. you pull me as close to you as you possibly can. my head on your chest with my arm loosely draped across your body, your cotton shirt carelessly balled up in my hand. your arms wrapped around my torso like your life depended on it. god i missed this

i’m here now okay? everything’s okay, i’m okay, my brothers are okay, nothing happened to us. we’re not going anywhere for a while and when we do your coming with us. and don’t try and say you won’t be able to because of school, you’re coming no matter what. i can’t go that long without you, nothings the same

i won’t put up a fight i don’t want to do this again this was horrible being alone for so long. i missed being in your arms, feeling like nothing bad will ever happen because i have you here

as you place a gentle kiss to the top of my head a comfortable silence falls over us and we bask in this moment of being in each others arms again. my eyes grow heavy but my body is still fighting sleep like it has for the past few weeks

you can sleep now i’m here i’m not going anywhere i promise. i love you so much sweet girl

with the hushed tone of your voice and gentle pecks on my forehead, i feel my body grow heavier with sleep. i blindly reach my hand around searching for yours which you seem to pick up on what i wanted, placing your hand on mine and give it a squeeze once and a while letting me know you're right there.

goodnight sweet girl. i’m right here

taglist: @antisocialties @iluvmatt @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans @opheliaofficial07 @angelcake-222 @oneirophobic @strniolo @lollibumblebee @ssturniolo @20nugs

(i can’t remember who it was but i saw someone color coded the dialogue and that makes it so much easier to read so shoutout to you if it was you)

[imagining-in-the-margins]

A Curious Pair (S.R.)

Summary: Emily and JJ find a curious piece of clothing in the women’s locker room. Spencer thinks he might know who it belongs to.

A/N: Just a funny little blurb about Spencer being a know-it-all, to his detriment. Shoutout to @foxy-eva for always being my muse and helping my indecisive self. Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Fluff/Comedy (Rated PG-13) Content Warning: Underwear, embarrassment, minor allusions to sexual activity Word Count: 900

MASTERLIST

In Spencer’s experience, there was almost never anything good happening when a group of women begin giggling. This was particularly true when they stood only a few feet from his seat, and he could hear every word they said.

“I’m not faulting her for leaving them there, I’m just wondering why the hell you’re wearing that to the FBI fitness complex,” Emily said in what no sane man could ever describe as a ‘whisper,’ “I mean, can you think of a less attractive place to be desired? Honestly.”

JJ, with her trademark sweet smile, shook her head in disapproval.

“Oh, Emily. Jealousy is not a good look on you.”

The frantic repressed energy and incredulity leapt from somewhere deep in Emily, but this time she managed to keep her voice hushed.

“Of course I’m jealous of her, JJ! I’ve got five stacks of paperwork on my desk and you’re telling me there are a pair of young hotshot agents having fun?”

“The audacity,” JJ drawled sarcastically.

Before Emily could defend her position, however, the two scandalized team members turned to three.

“Whoa there, Prentiss. I’m sensing some hostility,” he said with a soft chuckle and a reassuring hand on her shoulder. As always, his presence brought with it a calming, lighthearted nature that touched every person in the room.

Including the boy genius seated a few feet away who really, really didn’t want to talk about a pair of pretty panties.

The astute, observant profiler that he was, Derek immediately picked up on the doom and gloom cloud hovering over his best friend’s head and was quick to make it worse.

With a devilish smirk and eyes never wandering from Spencer, he called, “Judging by how red pretty boy’s face is, it seems like I’ve stumbled upon something fun.”

JJ brought her fingers to her lips to muffle both her giggles and the words as she explained under her breath, “It’s just something we found… in the women’s locker room.”

Spencer’s ears started to burn red, but the others wouldn’t know why. They wouldn’t understand the source of his reddened face wasn’t just an inappropriate conversation about a coworker’s underwear.

No, Spencer’s cheeks, ears, and neck were red and his leg was bouncing because his mind was racing with memories. Memories of you, him, and an empty office. Memories of muffled moans leaking from maintenance closets.

Spencer was not worried or embarrassed. He was just a little… tense, at the thought of a woman — a very particular woman — changing out of sweat drenched lace.

“Oh? What kind of thing?” Derek jeered, already knowing the answer, “Describe it to me. I bet I can find who they belong to.”

“Purple,” JJ said so quickly it was like she had been dying to explain.

“More like lavender,” Emily corrected.

“And lace!”

“—with very little fabric!”

Then, like the climax of the most tense orchestral symphony, JJ and Emily spoke almost in unison, “and in the center there was this little ribbon bow — with a gem in the middle.”

Derek feigned thought for a moment, but in doing so, he missed the light bulb switching on in Spencer’s eyes. As Derek ran through a long list of names, Spencer had already come up with the answer.

Spencer knew the owner of that curious pair. And if he knew one thing for certain, he knew that Derek definitely did not.

That had been true, too. It was obvious from the smug shrug Derek gave before he settled, “Those sound like Stacy to me.”

That wrong answered, proclaimed so confidently and with such condescension, triggered something in Spencer’s mind. He would never know if it had been out of anger, jealousy, his strong sense of justice, or just the pleasure he got from being right… but in that moment, it didn’t matter.

“They’re (y/n)’s,” Spencer corrected.

The whole bullpen fell silent. Or at least, it felt that way to him. In fact, it seemed like every law of physics ceased working at the exact same time. Thermodynamics betrayed him as his red face turned white in a split second. His heart, which had been beating faster than ever, felt as though it had come to a sudden stop.

“Say what, pretty boy?” Derek asked, his tone now matching the same incredulity of the women when this whole debacle had first begun.

Spencer couldn’t speak. He opened his mouth to defend himself, but for all his genius, he couldn’t come up with anything.

He didn’t need to, either. Because before anyone else spoke, you waltzed through the door with a defeated whine.

“You won’t believe what just happened to me,” you cried, oblivious, “it was humiliating.”

No one said a word. The team turned to you, and Spencer turned back to his work as if nothing had ever happened (albeit looking like death had a grip on him).

“You know what, baby girl, I wouldn’t worry about it,” Derek laughed before turning back to his friend, “whatever it was, I think pretty boy’s got you beat.”

Spencer glanced over to the women who had since returned to their hushed whispers and giggling, now with your enthusiastic gesturing alongside them.

Derek, however, closed the gap between the bona fide genius and the group. As he passed behind Spencer, he placed a small pat on his shoulder.

“Seems like you were right,” he conceded.

“Yes,” Spencer whispered through a smile, “I was.”

(Tell me what you thought about this piece here!)

P.S. Did you know Tumblr might be hiding some of my posts from you? Learn how to change this setting here so you can enjoy my more scandalous works (if you want), including my most recent one, which can be found here.

[artsyhamster]

Part 3!

And oh boy, this one definitely needs explanation, so see you down in the ramblings.

(1) THE FOOL / THE MAGICIAN / THE HIGH PRIESTESS  | (2) THE EMPRESS / THE EMPEROR / THE HIEROPHANT | (3) THE LOVERS / THE CHARIOT / STRENGTH | (4) THE HERMIT / WHEEL OF FORTUNE / JUSTICE | (5) THE HANGED MAND | DEATH | TEMPERANCE | (6) THE DEVIL / THE TOWER / THE STAR | (7) THE MOON / THE SUN / JUDGMENT / THE WORLD         

I gotta be real, this is my least favorite set so far. I was very unsure about the characters I chose for these and it also shows in the compositions. I might redo them at some point but I want to finish the major arcana as a whole first, before I lose myself in revisions. Maybe I shouldn’t be too harsh on myself anyway, because this is just a fun project but, ah, perfectionism.

Anyway, citations from here, as always.

THE LOVERS - Actually means that the protag feels sexual urge or need for relationship. Harry basically flirts with everyone and is still hung up on his broken relationship, that he doesn’t even remember, so the meaning here is pretty warped. So I just chose some lover figures. But who to choose? Klaasje and Lely? Well their relationship gets known pretty late, and didn’t end very nicely. Also I do not know how Lely looks like as not-a-corpse so-- Klaasje and Ruby? Seemed to me more like a fling, and didn’t interest Harry much except for some lecherous line he dropped. So I chose Sylvie and Garte, because Harry actively gets involved in their business. He can help them get together or ultimately break their relationship before it could ever bloom (Shoutout to the cock carousel) so I chose them because Harry is the most involved here.

THE CHARIOT - I’m just gonna quote for a bit “The Chariot represents the vigorous ego that is the Fool's crowning achievement so far. (...) we see a proud, commanding figure riding victoriously through his world. He is in visible control of himself and all he surveys.” Not many people with horses around there in Martinaise, only people driving cars. None of the lorry drivers fir the description for me though. The chariot is also described as commandeering and rigid, and René fit the description for me the most. He is definitely a proud person, commandeering and strict, and also surveying the world around him from his booth up at the harbour. Otherwise, yeah I got nothing. This one was just hard lol

STRENGTH - “[The fool] is pressed to develop his courage and resolve and find the heart to keep going despite setbacks.” was a line that made me very desperately want to choose Kim here, but I had other plans for him already. Strength is part of the Virtues trio, and spoiler spoiler, Kim will get his place as one of the three Virtues, but this one goes to Cuno, because I feel he is also very influential on Harry. Another quote for the card is “The Fool also discovers the quiet attributes of patience and tolerance.“ which I think fits Cuno quiet well. Because boy do you need a lot of patience and tolerance with him to make him trust and help you. But ultimately he is also there in the end if you need him (and Kim is unfortunately not present) All in all, what could make you want to get your shit together more than escaping the mocking words of a potty-mouthed kid. Horrifying lol

I tried really hard okay. I’m sure there are other interpretations but that’s the best I could come up with.Meanwhile I also bought an art book of a really pretty tarot set I saw at the last convention I was at, and there were so many lovely compositions that almost made me question what I am doing here. But again, I’m doing these for fun [*self prep talk*]. Still, take a look at this magnificient tarot deck (Instagram Link) I’m so sad they were sold out, but at least I got the art book.

Uhhh anyway enjoy. Next set will be better I promise. I like the upcoming one a lot : )

[inkyarcturus]

For my contribution for pride month I’d like to share my personal head canons for Harry Potter characters!!!

Harry Potter: I’m gonna be honest I project on this man far too unhealthily to NOT be biased (I’ve been going by the name Harry in IRLfor 3 and a half years now I think? Bc of this man /srs) but that man’s bi with a capital B 💕💜💙 personally I enjoy seeing trans man Harry as well but unfortunately I don’t see as many fanfics of him as such :,) shoutout to all the fanfic creators I see making Harry a trans woman tho!!! I’d also love to see a genderfluid/nonbinary Harry or two!!!

Hermione Granger: trans woman!!! 🏳️‍⚧️ *crowd cheers* as for sexuality wise? I’ve seen her depicted as straight, bisexual and lesbian- and honestly I think I can see her fitting all of these!!!

Ronald Weasley: I always struggle to pinpoint what I headcanon Ron to be. I have seen a couple of people headcannoning him as a trans man 🏳️‍⚧️- referencing Molly continuing to have children until she had a girl creates perfect levels of angst for this- but I wouldn’t say it’s a permanent aspect of him inside my head. Now that I think about him a little more- I think I might headcanon him as unlabeled more than anything sexuality wise. I think he’s into women but he wouldn’t be opposed or too surprised if he developed a crush on a guy.

Luna Lovegood: She’s a lesbian 🏳️‍🌈💕 (I will occasionally accept fanfics where she is pan and is with Neville but her being a lesbian is the main headcanon) also a little gender queer in whichever way you choose 🏳️‍⚧️ sometimes I see her as genderfluid, bigender and just generally nonbinary

Ginny Weasley: bi- so so bi 💕💜💙

Draco Malfoy: Gayest motherfucker in town I’m sorry- Mr. Tells his father literally everything about Harry 💚🤍💙

Remus Lupin: bi 💕💜💙 there’s no question about that in my mind, I think he has a small preference for men but that’s it!!!

Sirius Black: He switches between using the labels queer and gay but you know that man kisses other men!!! 💚🤍💙 I know a lot of people tend to headcanon him as genderfluid which I enjoy seeing but it’s never been a main stay headcanon for me :,)

Tonks: (She/they) Lesbian and Intersex 🏳️‍🌈💕💛🟣. I’m sorry but the age gap between Remus and her in the original books make me uncomfortable- as for being intersex, I think most ppl believe being a metamorphmagus means she is automatically genderfluid, while I like seeing genderfluid representation, I think ppl often fail to acknowledge the difference between sex and gender. As a metamorphmagus, she transforms her body, her gender doesn’t seem to change w it in the books. While I like the headcanons of them being genderfluid I wish more people explored that specific idea.

Severus Snape: queer? Queer. In every sense of the word. I think most people view him as bi 💕🟣💙 which I agree with (Lily and Mulciber, also absolutely headcanon him having a crush on both Lucius AND Narcissa) but also I think he’s a little bit gender funky- I mean just look at him- no one who stands like that isn’t just cis /ref. Sev absolutely painted his nails and did eyeliner, he absolutely wore a floor length black skirt and absolutely had days where mister hit wrong in all the right places and everyone in her group helped by doing tiny things like braiding her hair and putting bat clips in it for fun 🏳️‍⚧️

Anyways speed run round 🏃

💕🟣💙: Cedric Diggory, Cho Chang (has the fandom chosen a new name for her yet?) Bill Weasley

🧡💛🤍🩵💙: Charlie Weasley, Neville? (Didn’t think of this until just now but it’s growing on me?-)

🏳️‍🌈💚🤍💙: Dean thomas, Seamus Finnegan, Dumbledore (I may not like him that much but he is gay)

🏳️‍🌈💕: Minerva Mcgonagall, Poppy Pomfrey

If I missed anyone I’m sorry :,)

Anyways!!! Join if you’d like with your own headcanons!!!

@pottistic @marriso1 (If you guys don’t wanna join w ur own headcanons that’s okay! I thought this would just be fun :P)