#Shinichiro Sano Angst

[8aji]

too busy saving everybody else to save yourself. // s.s.

to think of a life without him filled you up with such sorrow you thought you'd let yourself drown just to be with him one last time. — or, an account of the events that transpired after the night of august 14, 2003.

pairing. shinichiro sano x baji!reader

wc. 18k

tags/cw. MDNI, angst with happy ending, fluff, hurt/comfort, best friends to lovers, baji!reader (reader is baji’s sibling), manga spoilers, shinichiro lives, anxiety/panic attacks, smoking, mentions of death, characters cry a lot, mentions of head trauma + hospitals + needles + blood, reader gets called 'nee-chan' a couple of times but other than that its pretty gn, very suggestive (one make/out sesh), takeomi is clowned a lot + please let me know if i missed anything!

a/n. its finally done sob i spent so much time polishing this as much as i could and what was supposed to be a 1k drabble mutated into this lmfao but all in all this fic is my baby, my child, and i love it so so much i just hope y'all will like it as much as i do !! a massive thanks to @tetsutits for betaing and to @mosviqu for letting me run the storyline through her !! hope all of u enjoy lots n lots !!

m.list ˖ tags ˖ byi/dni

One step, one blink, one breath, one step, one blink, one breath; like on autopilot, the pattern repeated itself over and over again. You could feel it beating inside your skull; the pounding of your heart resonated throughout your body, acting as the fuel behind your every move. 

Your blurry gaze amplified all of your other senses, sending your brain into a downward spiral of emotional overwhelm; the loud keyboard clicking, the obnoxious chatter, the drinking and munching of coffee and donuts, all of it made you want to tear your ears off. How could the world keep turning, people existing like normal, while you were being consumed by the tightness enveloping your lungs? The thought made you want to light up the whole building, watch it burn as the flames simmered the concrete to ashes to relieve the turmoil brewing inside your body. 

“I'm coming for Baji Keisuke?” You asked, barely managing to string the words together in a coherent sentence, head going a thousand miles per hour. “He’s my brother.”

The officer behind the desk pulled down his magazine, looking you over and taking in your dishevelled state. “Ah,” he sighed as soon as your brother's profile appeared on his screen. “Baji Keisuke, the little rascal with the breaking and entering charges, huh?”

lips forming into a thin line, you nodded, biting your tongue so as to not insult the man in front of you who, for some reason, couldn't help but chuckle, as if a twelve year-old kid being detained was funny. 

“Can I see him?”

He gave you one last obnoxious glance, before typing on his computer.

“He’s currently under police custody,” he explained condescendingly as if you didn’t know, pulling a manila folder and pressing the button on the printer, handing you a pen in the meantime. “He's only got a minor charge compared to the other brat he came in here with,” He let out a quiet cackle, not wanting to attract anyone else’s attention. To you, it was like he acted this nonchalant to rile you up, make your blood boil. And, in spite of your reluctance to admit to it, it was working. Being in his presence made you want to punch him. “We’re betting on whether the other kid’s gonna get charged with manslaughter or not.

“And just between us,” he made a come hither motion, but leaned forward on his chair at your lack of reaction. “I’m betting in favor of manslaughter, so I'm crossing my fingers for the guy to die soon, ‘ya know?”

Had you been wearing long sleeves, he would’ve been able to see you rolling them up, emotionally prepared to be charged with aggravated assault against a police officer

Fortunately, another officer called out your name, catching your attention before you could act on the violent scenarios coursing through your brain. You didn’t bother excusing yourself before leaving to find your brother.

He looked small, smaller than he actually was, as he sat on the floor with both his knees close to his chest. His eyes were puffy and red, it was obvious he had been crying; though by the looks of it, he had yet to stop.

The cell door sounded like nails against a chalkboard as it scraped against the floor. It made him flinch in surprise, snapping him out of the borderline-dissociating trance as he looked up at the intimidating officer, trying to gauge his intentions while gathering all the energy he had left in his body to fight off the man just in case he needed to. But as soon as he made eye contact with you he could feel himself lowering his guard. 

He didn’t even hesitate, his body moved on his own, running past the officer and straight into your arms, letting the harsh sobs he had tried bottling up rack his body, along with muffled apologies and incoherent explanations.

“It's okay,” you mumbled against his hair, trying to calm down his heart wrenching cries. He nuzzled his face against your neck, trying to get impossibly closer to the sound of your voice. You waited for him to nod, still clutching at your clothes with all the remaining energy he had. “He's strong, he’ll be alright.”

Though at this point you were unsure whether your words held any weight against the grand scheme of things; hopefully all your promises won’t turn into bold-faced lies.

You made your way out of the cell together, holding his left hand as he used the other to rub at his eyes, itchy and dry from all the crying. The two of you walked past a couple of cells before he stopped for what seemed like a millisecond, mumbling something under his breath in weak anguish. Had you not been hyper aware of everything going on around you, you wouldn’t have noticed the slight tug at your hand.

Kazutora sat on the floor the same way Keisuke did, knees pulled up to his chest, biting his cuticles raw to stop his brain from looping the traumatic set of events like a broken film; still, it wasn't enough to stop his whole body from trembling in shock. The distress fresh in his eyes made you want to drop everything just to hold him close, comfort him like you did with Keisuke. 

But you didn’t have much time, the officer behind you pressured the both of you to move, and considering Keisuke remained under police custody, you weren’t willing to risk him getting locked up again now that you had him by your side.

“Wait for me over there, okay?” You said, pointing at the waiting area. “I just have to fill out some paperwork and then we can go home.” He held your hand even tighter in his grasp in response, as if he was scared to let go. “I’ll be quick, promise.”

Reluctantly, he dragged his feet as he walked, not wanting to stray far away from you. At least there was still some sort of stubbornness left in him. You’ve never seen him act like this, uncontrollably crying and apologising, devoid of the mischievous glint in his eyes. Knowing the Keisuke you knew was still there comforted you.

“How, uh, how much is bail gonna be?” You asked once he had made himself at home on the plastic chairs. Thankfully it was someone else behind the desk instead of the asshole you had the misery of interacting with. 

You knew it wasn’t going to be cheap, already having a grasp of fines and bail costs thanks to your friends getting into trouble, but even with this knowledge, their response sent a shiver down your spine.

Maybe you could use some of your own savings, or part of your college fund. Using your mom’s money was also an option, but you didn't want to put the burden on her. If you skipped a semester it could give you some time to earn the money back, but you were already behind in a few classes, and the minimum wage from part time jobs wouldn’t stack up too much, so was it truly feasible?

Fuck, you knew they were children but you couldn’t help but curse at their recklessness, their stupidity and naivety. Did they actually think stealing a bike would be that easy? And now you have to pay for the consequences, quite literally. Of course, you could always leave him here, let him face the consequences straight on. There was nothing forcing you to bail him out. But who were you kidding, you’d kill for him, of course you were going to pay.

Making sure he was still where you left him, you looked over your shoulder back at him. He was slumped over his knees, aimlessly playing with his fingers as his eyes fixated on the corridor leading to the cells, a solemn sadness washing over his features. 

No. 

You weren’t going to. You were going to pay for your brother’s sins, or whatever the cheesy line says, and leave to never look back. You didn’t owe this other kid anything, most certainly when you couldn't afford it. But, after knowing him for so long, the thought of him staying in the middle of four cold walls until further notice broke your heart.

“Actually,” you sighed. This was gonna cost two semesters instead of one. “Could I pay for someone else’s bail as well?”

At first, he refused to acknowledge your presence, biting harder into his fingers. He tried self-soothing through slow back and forth rocking motions and the unintelligible words that spilled from his mouth, hugging himself tighter the closer you got. 

He didn’t move, frozen in place as if the lack of movement would make him invincible to the naked eye. He didn’t cave in no matter what you did, not when you kneeled in front of him nor when you whispered his name in hopes he would acknowledge your voice.

It only took a couple of seconds after that for him to shyly meet your gaze, warming up to you in an instant and clinging onto you just like Keisuke had done, though he did so with a lot more desperation, this sort of comfort foreign to Kazutora. He felt so small in your embrace, burying his face in your shoulder, the only thing he could do was claw at your body for reassurance. Other than that, he didn’t speak, didn’t cry, he almost didn’t move, to the point it had you questioning whether he was actually breathing. 

Once you coaxed him out of the cell and got a hold of your brother, your sole focus was on guiding the boys beside you out of the precinct as fast as possible, one hand holding Keisuke’s while the other rested on the back of Kazutora’s head. They didn’t need to spend more time than necessary in this place, surrounded by grimy cell blocks and seemingly socially inept officers who couldn’t keep their rambunctious laughter down.

Wakasa was sitting on his bike outside the police station waiting for the three of you, and though initially it was supposed to be just the two of you riding along with him, he wasn’t surprised you paid for your brother’s friend’s bail. He kept a fairly laid-back exterior, lit cigarette hanging from his fingers replacing his preferred strawberry flavored lollipops, inhaling back the smoke that seeped from his parted lips and freaking out on the inside.

The two of you were hanging out when multiple calls blasted through your phone, prompting you to rush to where you were now. First it was one from the hospital, one of the bearers of bad news that didn’t let you dwell on the fact that Shinichiro had written you down as one of his emergency contacts. Then came the call from the police station, sinking your heart down to the bottomless pit in your stomach.

“Everything alright?” He asked, putting out his cigarette, smothering the stick with his boot along with the other three he had finished while you were inside. 

You hummed in response, words dying in your throat. The silence around you itched and burned, made your skin prickle with discomfort, and even so, no one dared say anything besides the occasional noise of acknowledgement. They weren’t dumb. They were one-hundred percent aware of what they were doing, and this wasn’t something you could blame on their age either. Yes, they were kids, but a twelve year old should be able to discern right from wrong; aware that stealing is bad and that murdering people is wrong.

And deep down, you knew this was even more fucked up than it appeared to be. You knew Kazutora wouldn’t have cared for the victim had it not been Shinichiro. The only reason he was shaking like a leaf, flinching when Wakasa fastened the belt of his helmet against his head, was because he hurt Mikey’s brother. That’s not to say Keisuke was innocent, it was clear he wasn’t. Intentionally breaking into someone’s shop to steal a very valuable, very expensive, piece of equipment and potentially complicit in someone's murder. 

You wanted to tear your eyes off at the thought. Did they really think they could get away with this? That it would be as easy as stealing some candy or gum from the corner store? You wanted to curse them out for being so stupid, so naive. But looking down at their sunken faces, eyes bloodshot and teary as they sweated fear from every pore on their fragile skin, it made you want to excuse all their horrid behaviour, ignore the fact they committed a crime and in the process they mortally wounded an innocent man. 

You held down an involuntary gag at the violation of your principals, the memory of what had just gone down stirring unwanted bitterness inside your stomach. You were no one to criticise the two kids sitting between Wakasa and you. They could be stupid, but you were the weakest of them all.

“Let’s get going then.”

You could question your moral compass later, first you had to get them home.

The voices of the characters talking in the background faded into an uncomfortable white noise as your muscles dissolved along with your bones, breaking through your skin and seeping into the cushions of the couch. Each time you breathed in the more stressed you became at the uncertainty of your friend’s mortal status. 

You hadn’t received any news from the hospital, and though you knew that if they hadn’t called by now, they probably wouldn’t at least until tomorrow morning, that didn’t stop you from imprisoning your phone close to your chest. Maybe if you channelled all your strength into your hold then you’d lose the urge to cry.

In spite of their initial resistance, it didn’t take long to put the kids to bed. The two of them drifted off to a bitter, yet hopefully replenishing, sleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow. It wasn’t surprising, the whole incident had drained the both of them to their core.

“‘Sure you’re okay?” Wakasa asked, and had it not been for his voice you're sure you would’ve dissociated the rest of the night. Maybe the kids would find you the next morning still sitting on the couch, frozen like a statue as you stared at the ceiling, and freak out because they’d think you had died along with ‘Shinichiro-nii’. 

You hummed, it was the only response you could muster it seemed, with your eyes zeroing in on his shoulders, then his cheeks and then his earrings. Looking straight into his eyes would do you no good. It’d blow your cover in less than an instant, and though it’s fair to say it was a shit cover, amplifying your grief through your dejected silence instead of toning it down, it made you feel safer from the imminent doom. Still, shitty cover up or not, Wakasa knew you weren’t okay. You wouldn’t be able to fool him even if he was stupid, and at this point, he’s convinced you wouldn’t be able to fool anyone; a single glance your way was enough to tell you were silently crumbling. 

He let his head fall backwards against the back of the sofa, sighing in acknowledgement. No matter how many times he asked, deep down he knew you would only cave in at your own account, But at least his question somehow managed to bring you back down from the maze your brain had started fabricating to earth. And maybe, just maybe, if he gave you enough space that’d prompt you to speak. He didn’t mind waiting. Not for a couple of seconds, or the couple of minutes those seconds turned into, or the couple of hours they mutated into next, and so on until days and weeks and years had passed, until the scarcity of time felt infinite.

“He’s dead, isn’t he?” You broke the silence, biting the edges of your words as if you wanted to hide them back inside, voice shaky and heavy against your tongue. 

He hesitated, sharing a seat next to you inside the same sinking uncertainty boat, “Shin-chan’s stronger than you think.” He tried reassuring you, or himself he wasn't sure, but at this point the more he tried to tell himself his friend was still breathing, the more it felt like a lie. Shin-chan was stronger than the two of you thought, but was he really? “He’d be heartbroken to know you had little faith in him.”

At least he got you to chuckle, “I’d be heartbroken to know that I was right.”

You fell into an uncomfortable silence not long after, the stakes of the conversation too high, and if you continued talking you’re sure you’d end up giving Shin up for dead. But like this, maybe you could finally force yourself to get some sleep. The weight of your eyelids had doubled, eyes growing heavier against your will, and though you didn’t want to, just in case something happened while you were unconscious, you knew you’d be of no use without at least a few hours of rest. Plus, you promised yourself you’d never lose any sleep over a guy, ever, and you weren’t about to make an exception for Shinichiro Sano.

Not even an hour in your slumber, you almost threw your phone to the other side of the room as its desperate cry pierced your ears. You’re sure Wakasa almost had a heart attack with how fast straightened up next to you, and it wouldn’t be a surprise if it somehow managed to wake up both Kazutora and Keisuke, although your brother was more of a chronic heavy sleeper.

“What are you waiting for? Answer it!” Feelings heightened in his barely awake, panicked state, the desperation was palpable in his words. And though uncommon for him to act in such an erratic manner, he had bottled everything up the whole night, it was time for the stoic facade to break. 

But, even so, in spite of your friend’s heartbreaking desperation you didn’t move. Not after the third ring or the fourth. You didn’t dare move, staying frozen on the couch, groggy from waking up yet hyper-aware of everything going on around you despite your mild dissociation. The sole thought of moving towards made your brain press against your skull, screaming at you to stop. 

Not answering meant that Shinichiro could stay both simultaneously alive and dead, his fate linked to whether you picked up the call. If you didn’t, maybe he wouldn’t die after all, he’d stay stuck in the unknown limbo of immortality until you made a call. 

But then again, this was your only chance to get an update on his status. And it wasn’t only you anxiously waiting on any sort of news. Wakasa was waiting; Keisuke and Kazutora, although asleep, were as well, and you could only fathom Benkei and Takeomi’s reaction. Mikey and Emma were probably up to date, the hospital must’ve called their grandfather before they reached out to you. And looking back at the people that depended on you, it really wasn't fair to put your own self-indulgent selfishness over the needs of others, was it?

It wasn't. Of course it wasn’t, but after putting everyone before you for as long as you’ve lived, didn’t you deserve to be selfish? At least once, when it pertainted the condition of the unrequited love of your life, didn’t you deserve at least that much?

“Hello?” Wakasa answered through furrowed brows and twitching lips. From the way he spoke, you could tell he was biting on the inside of his cheek to release some tension, putting enough pressure to draw blood. “This is Wakasa Imaushi speaking,

“–can’t get to the phone right now, can’t you just talk to me?” Voice getting progressively louder, he challenged the person on the other side of the call. “He’s my best friend, don’t I deserve to know whether he’s alive or not?!”

Only when his voice broke at the weight of his own desperation did you manage to snap out of your trance, snatching the phone out of his grip, ignoring his glassy eyes as you spoke into the receiver, mumbling your name through a shakily put together voice.

You’re not sure whether you imagined it or not, almost choking on a withered sob, but you could feel the moment your teeth sunk into the skin of your hand, digging hard enough for blood to prickle to the surface, preventing any other noise from coming out. 

With your vision blurry and a tightness in your chest you could not describe, your body had gone completely numb, and yet your nerve endings were scorching under any semblance of atmospheric pressure, forcing you to feel everything, everywhere, all at once.

Had Wakasa not been there to catch you, you’d have collapsed on the ground, a pitiful wailing mess. Tears soaked through the fabric of both your clothes as you held each other close. For what felt like hours, the two of you stayed like that. Face buried against his neck and his against the top of your head, he rocked you back and forth in his arms until your tears stopped mixing themselves with your spit, sharp inhales tuning down into soft sniffles. And though his eyes burned with unshed sorrow, he kept on humming at your unintelligible mumbling.

“See? I told you he was stronger than we thought.” He whispered, though it sounded closer to a whimper, and nuzzled his cheek further against your hair. As if trying to ground himself, he gave you a tight squeeze, still in doubt whether he was trying to convince you or himself. 

Only after a while, once both of your breathing had evened out, did you raise your head up from its hideout, hesitant footsteps catching your attention.

“Nee-chan?” You heard a tiny voice coming from the hallway, a little insecure, as if he didn’t think he deserved a proper response. 

“I’m sorry ‘Tora, did we wake you?” You peeled Wakasa’s arms from your body, rubbing the haziness of your eyes away. He shook his head in response, carefully moving away from the shadows after acknowledging your lack of anger.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

His puffy eyes shimmered red under the soft moonlight coming through the living room window. He took meticulous steps in your direction, side-eyeing Wakasa and still wary of you, not knowing how you would react after his intrusion. Each one was lighter than the other, the wooden floors refused to creek underneath his weight, almost as if he had trained himself to become weightlessly invisible.

Slowly as to not startle him, you stretched your arms in his direction, beckoning him towards you and silently encouraging him to trust you. Even after drying out his tears once you tucked him in bed, holding his hand a little longer while Keisuke slept next to him, you’re sure that wasn’t enough to reassure him you wouldn’t blow up on him. For Kazutora, interacting with most people felt like trying to navigate an active minefield.

Hugging him close to your body, you pulled him on your lap and softly rocked him back and forth; the same way Wakasa had done with you. He nuzzled closer to you, letting himself relax against your touch once he registered you weren't a threat, basking in your warmth. 

The silence the three of you fell under was deafening, uncomfortable even, though you didn't intend for it to be. Kazutora had this question stuck in his throat, sitting heavy against his vocal cords while the bitter taste of bile stained his tongue.

“Is…” he trailed off, still doubting whether he deserved to be asking such a question. “Is Mikey’s brother going to be okay?”

He tensed up at the lack of immediate response. The lack of positive reassurance that he hadn’t completely messed up everyone's lives made the grip he had on your arm grow tighter in fear of you letting go. 

You didn’t. You weren’t planning to do so. Even if nausea piled up at the end of your oesophagus as the conflicting set of emotions brewing at the pit of your stomach, you were sure he needed you as much as you needed him to keep yourself grounded 

“He will.” You brushed your fingers through his hair, lips curled up into a smile once you felt him relax against you once again. “Right now he’s resting, we can visit him in a couple of days, if you’d like.” 

The silence amongst you became heavy once again, but inside Kazutora’s head the cacophony of your words bounced against the thick layers of bone and skin like worthless cries of distress. What he did was inconceivable, and in spite of that you still cared.

“I didn’t mean to,” barely a whisper, the words died out before they could be properly enunciated. They prickled and ached and stung at the walls of his throat. Something he couldn’t name but feel deeply inside his bones stopped himself from vomiting it all out. But mess after mess, like building blocks stacking one on top of the other, they piled up and pulled him down like a ball and chain made out of his own flesh and when he tried to pull at it to set himself free he could feel everything spilling out in a tangled cry. “I didn’t mean to hurt him, I’m sorry!” he cried, clutching onto your shirt and arms, anything he could get a hold of to ensure you wouldn’t leave him alone. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

Holding him tightly and shushing his cries, you could do nothing more than let his tears wet at your shirt, mumble that it was okay even if it truly wasn’t; even if the two of you knew it was a lie. The weeping child in your arms did nothing but pull at your heartstring, conflicting feelings arising in your chest. In spite of the fondness you felt for the kid, the same fondness you felt for all of your little brother’s friends, you had unconsciously developed a grudge towards him, bitterness and resentment for hurting Shinichiro. 

His lashes rested against his skin, casting thin shadows under the sunlight streaming through the window. He had always looked peaceful when he was sleeping, chest rising and falling as if following a metronome’s tempo. You can remember taking long summer naps next to him and the rest of your friends, you always being the first one to wake up. Every summer the three of them arrived late to at least five Black Dragon’s meetings because they had slept in. Shinichiro had developed this antsy habit of arriving weirdly on time yet slightly late ever since then, he couldn’t tolerate the idea of letting down whoever was waiting for him; you wonder how he’d react if he knew the shop wouldn’t open today.

So peaceful yet fragile., never in your life would’ve you remotely imagined you’d be sitting next to your best friend’s hospital bed, eyes puffy and droopy while his head laid covered in bandages. The beeping of the monitor filling up the unnecessary silence that wouldn’t have otherwise been there had he been awake. 

Had he been awake, he would’ve talked to you non-stop, retelling everything that went down to the most insignificant detail, sprinkling hyperboles as much as he could just to appear a little cooler in front of you. But it's not like he had to try anyway, to appear cooler, that is, you already thought he was the coolest person in the whole wide world; though you’d go as far as saying he was the coolest person to ever exist. The sole idea made you smile, tears welling up in your eyes as you wondered if he’d blush once he found out how highly you thought of him. 

And of course, had he been awake, he would’ve been worried about everyone but him. He would’ve asked about Mikey and Emma, if they had slept over at the hospital or at home with his grandfather, who he would’ve proceeded to ask about. He would’ve bitten his tongue to prevent himself from even mentioning the economic implications of his stay, but you would’ve been able to read right through him.

Then, had he been awake, he would’ve asked about Keisuke and Kazutora. He would’ve be worried about them, berated you with a flurry of questions, emotions switching from anger to guilt in less than a millisecond; angry at your deplorable encounter with the police, guilty because he was the one that called, and maybe if he hadn’t, then Mikey’s friends wouldn't have gotten in trouble.

He would’ve asked about the shop, if anyone was there watching over it while he was resting in the hospital, deflating a little after finding out it wouldn’t open for the day. He would’ve asked about Wakasa and Benkei and Takeomi, ask if they were aware of what happened, if they had already started making fun of him after finding out a twelve year-old sent him straight to the ER; he would’ve sighed at your response, shaking his head because instead of making fun of him his friends were worried. 

Finally, he’d ask about you. And maybe you would’ve cried or laughed or screamed. Maybe tears would’ve pooled in your eyes, the fact your friend was breathing finally sinking in. Maybe you would’ve giggled at your past unjustified worries because he was here now and you never should’ve doubted him, not even for a second. Maybe you would’ve broken down, fatigue deep in your bones pulling you to the ground until you could do nothing but lay cold and empty and happy on the floor because you had not dared sleep but at least the existence of his consciousness remained.

But the only one speaking was the wind blowing through the curtains, kissing his forehead and messing up his hair just to give you the opportunity to put it back in place through the insecure brush of your fingers

Resting your forehead next to the palm of his hand, you sighed in defeat; maybe you should’ve let him rest alone. You had spent the whole morning next to him, ignoring any hunger cues alerting you it was time for breakfast or lunch or any sort of meal time that could fuel your body from complete exhaustion. Still, even if you wanted to fall asleep, it was like your subconscious wouldn’t let you. Every time you closed your eyes and felt yourself slip into a deep slumber, you were jolted awake to your own dismay. 

Not being able to rest had started to eat away at your own sanity. Only eight hours had passed, but every second felt like a thousand and at this point, you had become a walking contradiction; hungry but unable to eat, tired yet unable to fall asleep. Your body was failing you, unable to react to any sort of external or internal stimuli, and you’re sure wouldn't be able to cry no matter how much you wanted to do so.

But even then, apparently you could still scream.

The weight of his hand on top of your head caught you off guard. It almost made you fall from the chair and smack your head against the bed’s metal skeleton. Maybe if you got a concussion and slipped into a weird pseudo-coma after a harrowing God-knows-how-many-hours-long surgery he’d feel guilty enough to make up for the tachycardia that had your heart beating where your brain should be.

“Hi.” He smiled, words a little slurred as the remaining anaesthesia wore off.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Oh, I see ‘you missed me alright.”

And you did. Even though less than a day had passed since the accident, picturing a whole lifetime without him was enough to permanently alter your brain chemistry. But he was here now, he was back and he was safe and the toothy grin he sported reminded you of home.

“Don’t ‘cha know it’s rude to eat in front of someone who can only chew on ice chips?” He joked, flinching as the nurse adjusted his IV drip.

You were forced to leave the room after a flurry of hospital staff came running at your volatile reaction; Of course, you were quick to reassure that your friend had only woken up and that everything was fine, before leaving for the cafeteria; giving them some space to work on Shinichiro would be good. Plus, not that he was ‘okay’ and you weren’t worrying about his health every second of every minute of every hour, you could address the sudden pangs of hunger poking at your stomach. 

“I’ll buy you dinner once you get out.” You smiled, scooping some of the jell-o into your mouth through your innocent smile. But, again to your dismay, the mischievous glint in your eyes ratted you out. Shinichiro knew that ‘dinner’ meant the cheapest ramen you could find, maybe add an egg to spice it up, and ice cream you’d eat directly from the tub; a long lived tradition between the two of you. “I’ll even add chives this time.”

“Gee thanks,” he mocked, as if he’d rather do anything else than eat stale ramen with you. As long as he got the chance, he’d do anything. He’d probably lick the floor for you—not that he’d ever let you know, but if you asked he would, no questions asked. That’s what happens when you love someone. You’d be willing to do anything and everything for them even if it's irrational. “Can I choose the ice cream flavour at least?”

You hummed, focusing on scraping the plastic spoon against the plastic container in your hands to avoid his gaze. “Only this time though, so don’t get used to it.”

“Everything’s looking good so far, we’ll do another check up in a couple of hours.” 

Right, you were still in here. Talking like everything was seemingly normal made you forget that you were still in the hospital, watching over your post-op, bedridden friend. 

“Lay with me?” he asked, not before the both of you thanked the nurse who excused himself after gathering the remaining equipment. “Please?”

You shouldn’t, something inside your head made sure to let you know even if the urge to hold him close was overpowering. He had just barely woken up after a long emergency surgery, and you taking up space would be of no help for him to get the rest he needed. But the silent plea in the puppy dog eyes you had trained yourself so hard to resist, the subtle pout and the cute dopey-ness that had yet to wear off were far too tempting to resist. 

His little celebratory cheer made you inwardly squeal as you slowly moved to his side, watching him wince in pain while he slowly shuffled himself closer to the edge in a clumsy attempt to make some space for you.

The thumping of his heartbeat reverberated in his chest, the stress melting from out your bones. You couldn’t help but sigh in content once you laid your head on his chest. Now that you were wrapped in each other’s arms, it felt like you could finally rest.

“Tired?” He mumbled against your hair, breaking the silence that had settled in the room as you basked in each other’s presence. You hummed in response, nuzzling your cheek against his body and almost purring like a cat at his warmth. Letting your eyes close involuntarily, you couldn’t help but be lulled to a premature slumber. With how comfortable you looked, and because your obnoxious yawning was too contagious, he wanted to do nothing but follow in your footsteps. 

Instead, his eyes stayed wide open and stuck to the ceiling as if the off off-white paint that covered the concrete was the key to shutting down his brain long enough for sleep to take over. It didn’t matter that his blood had been infused with what felt like at least twenty hundred thousand milligrams of various pain-deafening substances that were sure to knock him out in a matter of seconds, falling asleep seemed to be an unattainable goal.

Whatever they had injected into his body increased his senses’ sensitivity, multiplying it times a hundred instead of dulling them down to nothing. And it didn’t stop at the uncomfortable overtly bright fluorescent lights or the suddenly deafening sound of unoiled wheels from hospital carts being rolled around. It was the way he could feel you barely resting your weight against his body, as if scared the least amount of pressure would make his heart stop. The way he was met with your now dull eyes, almost bloodshot but not quite, sunken with a thick coat of desperation, or fear, or some sort of premature grief, as soon as he woke up. Or how, in spite of only being gone for less than a day, it seemed like you had spent a lifetime unable to exist alongside everything you held dear.

Hyper aware of all those little details and more, it hit him without warning, and suddenly, he could feel the overwhelming urge to cry.

It prickled uncomfortably at his eyes, the skin around his charcoal orbs itching like it was on fire. His mouth felt cottony, smothering his airways and cutting his airflow while his tongue rested uncharacteristically heavy in his mouth with the weight of unsaid words. It broke all his bones at once, leaving him numb on the ground, still like a corpse, and unable to suppress the dooming feeling of his own life spilling from his pores, mixing with his blood until the air around him turned thick and metallic.

In the blink of an eye he had been one step closer to the grave, barely hanging onto a thread of consciousness as the view of his shop turned blurrier and blurrier, and now he was breathing. His lungs had finally regained consciousness and he could feel everything around him overwhelmingly loud and clear and close and real. 

Now awake, he could feel you laying on top of him, almost passed out due to the immeasurable amount of stress he had put you under. And maybe if it wasn’t for his reckless habit of parading around life with his guard lowered or for the lack of proper security measures at the shop—because who on earth would rob him? There’s no way he could be that unlucky. Impossible. Or maybe it was his inability to dodge, to hold his stance in a fight because even if he was strong, without proper technique he was rendered useless and, holy shit– he could’ve died.

He could’ve died and then Manjiro would’ve been forced to grow up way too soon because he would have to take care of Emma and grandpa—although knowing both his siblings, Emma was more likely to turn into the head of the house. And then his friends would’ve been left to grieve his death, make sad speeches about the best moments they had together and, fuck was Takeomi terrible at writing; his speech would just be a big mess of incoherent words stuck together. And what about the shop? Who was he leaving the shop to? And what about Inupi? Inupi was just a kid and he can’t just leave him all alone; he had promised to himself to take care of him the same way he took care of his siblings— fuck, Izana as well. Who was going to look after his brother? He was planning to introduce him to all of you guys soon. The two of you would’ve gotten along so well and,

And you. 

What about you?

You looked beyond heartbroken. Words couldn't begin to describe exactly what somberness mulled deep within that brain of yours. If this is how you reacted to the possibility of him dying, then how would’ve you reacted to him actually doing so?

A choked sob rips through his lips, the sound painful as it breaches its forceful containment.

“Shin–”

“I’m sorry.”

“What…” you trailed off. The strained cry had erased any speck of slumber. For a second you thought you had dreamt it, that your brain had finally gone off the rails and you were hearing imaginary voices. That was until you looked up at him, eyes welling up with unshed tears, body stiff as if to prevent them from falling. “What’re you sorry for?”

“I just remembered the beach trip we were planning for Manjiro’s birthday,” he sniffled, “and I think we’re gonna have to cancel.”

“That’s okay, we can reschedule—”

“Yeah but I– I know he was really excited for it, all his friends were.”

“We’ll talk to them, make sure they understand—”

“And you were excited about it too,” avoiding your eyes even after you had tried to coax him into meeting yours. He felt so far away, almost unreachable despite laying right next to you. “And I know how much you love the beach and I really wanted to go with you even if we were gonna have to chaperone six hyperactive children,

“And, and I know the guys were gonna come with and we had it all perfectly planned out with this huge dorayaki cake thing and now we’re gonna have to cancel because of me—”

“Wait,” you shush him as gently as possible, sitting up and holding his hand tightly between yours. “What do you mean ‘because of me’?”

Almost as if he had never started, your question managed to shut down his rambling like forcefully closing a water faucet. He had this estranged, far-off look darkening his face, eyes glassy, almost as if he were dissociating. It made your stomach churn with anxiety. Never in your many, many, years of friendship had you seen him lose himself like this.

“Because,” he paused, trying to swallow down the knot grappling at his throat, fighting off the urge to tear it off with his bare hands. “Because it's my fault we’re cancelling.”

“I– What’re you talking about?”

He groaned in desperation. Why was this so hard to explain? 

“I’m the one who’s bedridden.” Still dizzy after waking up and to the best of his ability, he tried sitting up, wincing in pain to then give up and lean into his forearms. “I’m the one with random needles poking through my skin, fresh off the ER because my skull was bashed into with one of my own tools and maybe, just maybe, if I had been more aware at the time, I could've avoided the hit.”

“Shin, this wasn’t your fault—”

“But it is! Can't you see?” 

“Shin–”

“D’you know what I did when I heard someone break the glass?” He looked at you expectantly, voice raised in frustration. “After I called the cops; do you?” You shook your head in response, knowing that any attempt to help him calm down would be futile. “I grabbed a wrench. 

“After the operator told me to hide and wait for help because I told them it sounded like more than one person was inside, I grabbed a stupid wrench and decided to face them,

“I decided to face them even if I'm well aware I wouldn’t be able to take two people at once.”

And though he seemed to be dead set on believing that somehow he managed to land himself in the hospital,  you wouldn’t allow him to give himself up to the restless thoughts, no matter how badly he wanted to indulge the bitter part of his brain that had gotten used to putting himself down. 

“Someone hit you from behind,” you tried, “you were ambushed, of course you wouldn't be able to take them on.”

His defeated sigh gave you some sort of uncomfortable comfort. Knowing it made you glad that he had finally given up was a conflicting feeling you wish to never re-examine or experience again.

You sat up, swallowing the foreign relief down, and scooted further up the bed’s backrest. Your elbow rested well above the pillow where he laid, and you couldn't help but use your leverage to gently brush your fingers through his hair, only relaxing once he visibly melted against your touch.

“You didn’t do this to yourself, this wasn’t your fault.” You whispered, fingertips soothing his worries as they ghosted the skin of his forehead. “You’re not responsible for every single thing that goes wrong, no matter how much you try to convince yourself you are.”

He can’t recall a single moment in his life in which he felt like he was relieved from his self-imposed duty—the duty of an older brother, primary caretaker, and practically a parent. Someone who must put everyone’s needs above his own well-being. He’s responsible for everything going on around him, the good, the bad, the neutral, the everything. It only made sense that the break in and the subsequent series of events were, in part, his responsibility. 

And he knew it was irrational thinking because how on earth would he have known what was going to happen? But he couldn’t help it, not when all the consequences of his actions reflected on the bigger picture; everyone relies on Shinichiro Sano, and it was his duty to fulfil. 

“And I promise you no one is disappointed in you. Not a single one of us.” You press your lips against the top of his head, smiling through your own teary eyes at the little hum he involuntarily let out. “We’re all so, so happy that you're awake and talking and I bet Manjiro would rather move his beach birthday party a hundred years from now than lose his brother six days before his birthday,

“The beach is not going anywhere, and neither are we, okay? We are not going anywhere.” 

And you knew it wasn’t not enough. Your words weren’t enough to shut up the swirling negativity spiral in his brain. But at least it was enough to calm him down, enough for him to fall asleep in spite of the dampness kissing his skin; he might have successfully managed to suppress the heart wrenching sobs, but he was not strong enough to hold back the tears that cascaded down his cheeks.

You follow through not long after, head lolling to the side in an uncomfortable position that would for sure leave your neck aching for days. But you wouldn’t have it any other way. There was no dreaming this time. No nightmares or worst case scenarios crafted deep within your subconscious. In spite of the gloomy circumstances, the two of you had fallen asleep. Finally, being in your arms was beyond comforting. Plus, indulging in the rest your body had craved for hours made it easier to regain consciousness once Manjiro decided to jump on the two of you in surprise, never minding the possibility of further injuring his brother by mistake.

Being on the receiving end of his lovable violence hurt more than you thought it would, one of his hands landing straight on your stomach and the other on Shinichiro’s chest, but you couldn’t blame the kid. Based on what Keisuke had confided in you last night, Manjiro had witnessed both his best friends’ arrest as well as his brother being pulled out unconscious on a stretcher out of the shop.

Beyond a muffled apology, he didn’t utter anything else, like his voice had given in. He clung onto Shinichiro’s body like his life depended on it. 

A swift knock on the door caught your attention, though Manjiro didn't even bother looking up, face tucked against his brother’s body, letting himself relax as his brother’s fingers threaded through his blond locks. 

Emma poked her head from behind the wall, hands holding onto the door frame for balance. From where you laid you could see how her eyes were almost as puffy as yours. They were rimmed with a bright red, the same shade that was splotched all over her cheeks and nose. Mansaku stood beside her, holding onto his hat.

You could physically feel the relief washing over Shinichiro the moment he saw his whole family entering the room. He laid lighter next to you, with a brighter smile decorating his lips. It was like his body had melted from hard concrete right into a puddle, your previous conversation seemingly forgotten as a twinkle of warmth returned to his pretty eyes.

Careful not to let Manjiro fall in the dent you were leaving as you stood up, you beckoned Emma over. She cuddled up to Shinichiro, clinging onto him while her soft sniffles filled the silent room, and you swore you had almost started tearing up again at the sight.

Mansaku placed a hand on your shoulder, making you flinch in surprise as he acknowledged your presence. Like a wordless thank you, he nodded at you before stepping closer towards the bed, letting his hand rest on Shinichiro’s, and gently squeezed as if making sure his grandson was truly there. 

In no way shape or form was it the perfect family meetup—a perfect one wouldn’t entail the eldest-grandson-slash-parental-figure stuck in a hospital bed. But by the way they huddled together, Shinichiro pinching Manjiro’s cheeks, the latter not even fighting him off like he usually would, and patting Emma’s head in reassurance, with Mansaku displaying the ghost of a smile as he stood next to his grandchildren, the four of them gave off the feeling of everything being okay.

The familiar warmth between them left you to watch the scene like an outsider in a third-person point of view. It made you feel like you were intruding, messily glued to one of those fancy family portraits. 

In spite of both your families spending the majority of their lives around one another, you weren’t a Sano. No matter how close Keisuke and Manjiro were, no matter how much Shinichiro and you acted like a married couple with at least five children, you were never going to be one. You knew this from the start, but even so, the knowledge didn’t stop the churning of a deeply seeded loneliness inside your stomach. 

You didn’t bother with your goodbyes. Even if you had promised Shinichiro you’d spend the rest of the day together—pretending to be bothered and reluctant when you sealed it with a ‘pinky promise’ to hide the fact you’d willingly play nurse whenever he needed it—something from within told you it was your time to leave, you weren’t that important after all.

The question swirled inside your skull, bitter as it scratched your bones, as you leaned against the walls outside the hospital. At first, you intended to camp out in a waiting room, maybe join them after you had finally calmed down, but instead your legs had taken you right outside, landing you in a secluded area between the building and the many trees surrounding it so you could confidently retrieve the crushed package from your back pocket without disturbing anyone

Your thumb burned as you attempted to roll the sparkwheel of your zippo lighter, the metal forming uncomfortable crevices against your skin. You had to hold back the urge to bite down on the cigarette you had clumsily stuck between your teeth instead of your lips, frustration welling up and threatening to burst from the seams that clumsily held you together. 

Waiting for the uncomfortable itch to burn at your throat, you traced the outline of the red koi fish at the corner of the lighter, eroded after thumbing at it like a nervous tick over the years. Every time you felt your eyes water you made sure to compulsively take another drag, as if the smoke could cloud your thoughts, mixing them up with the familiar nostalgia.

Anyone would think that after incinerating your taste buds with each stick you burn, you’d get used to the taste. Whoever said it gets easier the more you do it was a liar. They were as disgusting as ever, flavour the exact same as those you had tried when you were younger, fooling around with your friends. It first started when Shinichiro and Takeomi brought a couple of cigarettes they had stolen from his grandfather to one of your hang outs. It prompted the three of you to continuously choke and make fun of each other for doing so until there were only mustard coloured butts squished on the floor. 

Neither Takeomi nor you had really enjoyed the experience, but for some reason, Shinichiro was quick to grow fond of the taste. He made sure to carry around a twelve-pack wherever he went, lighting up cigarette after cigarette in strategic places so the smell wouldn’t stick to his hair or clothes. Not soon after, the rather unhealthy habit had extended to the remaining two of you, who couldn’t help but carry your own packs to satisfy your newly birthed cravings. 

Looking back, you’re sure younger-you did that to be a little more like Shinichiro, just like Takeomi, and for other even more childish reasons like appearing more mature and attractive in his eyes; you clearly remember him having a thing for older women for a while. Sure, the two of you were the same age but still, you felt like he didn’t see you like you wanted him to, and the only way for you to change that would be to gain some more common ground with him right? 

So yeah, just like Takeomi, you wanted to be more like Shinchiro, but unlike Takeomi—as far as you know—you had started buying cigarette packets mainly to share back and forth with your best friend in, what you would call, a weak attempt at flirting. 

At least the cringe memory managed to rip you out from the insecurity whirlpool you were being sucked into, making you groan while softly hitting your head against the concrete wall. Thank god Wakasa existed to berate you into stopping the unhealthily embarrassing habit. Back then you were just a kid, but were you being for real? Were you seriously intending to build your whole life around a man to the point you’d indulge in one of the most common and deadliest habits in the world for a slim chance at a high-school romance? Fuck, was younger-you so painfully stupid to even think–

“One of you is already in the hospital, we don't need you to auto-hospitalise.”

The old man’s voice made you jump, fumbling with the cigarette until it fell to the floor. You tried to hide the coughing fit to the best of your ability while frantically stomping on the lit stick laying on the ground. It didn’t matter that you were an adult, you were still terrified of getting caught smoking by the man.

“Would you mind sharing one with me?” He asked, ignoring the way your face morphed into a confused frown. With nimble fingers, you opened your cigarette pack once again, handing him your lighter when he was unable to fetch his from his pockets.

“You still smoke?” You questioned, adding a hasty ‘sir’ once you noticed how informal you had sounded. 

He chuckled in response, taking another puff. “I only stopped doing it in front of the children.”

This time it was your turn to chuckle, playing with the gravel underneath your feet to avoid looking at the man at your slip-up. Still, even with your gaze fixated on the ground you could tell he was looking at you in curiosity. 

“I didn’t mean to laugh it’s just,” clearing your throat, you stumbled with your words, debating in your head whether you should come up with one of your horrid cover ups or tell the truth. “You always smoked around us when we were little, like you didn’t care.”

You thought he would’ve left you alone after that, knowing you were purposely disrespectful towards him. It would’ve been better that way. Then you would’ve been left to wallow in your own self-pity in peace, with no one to stop you from finishing the seven remaining cigarettes. But he didn’t, taking you aback as he stayed rooted right by your side. 

Had you been anyone else, he would’ve called them out. To cover up his own embarrassment or to make up for the disrespect? Not even he could be sure. But he had seen you grow up next to his own grandchildren, sharing your love and caring nature with them along with your mild irascibility and your talent for keeping Shinichiro on a tight leash. He couldn’t help but grow fond of you, even if most of your one-on-one interactions had consisted of you running away from him before he managed to scold you. 

He had only stopped smoking once Manjiro was born, self-awareness finally sinking into his thick skull as he watched his two grandsons play together. No one had questioned him back then, letting him sit on the couch undisturbed while he read the morning paper. It was only after Sakurako had passed away, that he had started to notice the many areas he was lacking, watching both Shinichiro and you fill the gaps in each other’s broken homes while he alienated himself from the responsibility of taking care of his family. The two of you worked so in sync, he would be of no help—or at least that was what he had told himself.

“I wasn’t the best grandfather.”

“You think?”

“I know.” He smiled at your attitude; snappy as always, the only difference was the way you now recoiled in embarrassment at your slip ups. Using his fingers to get rid of the ash, he tapped on the back of the cigarette before taking another drag. “Thank you for taking care of them when I couldn’t.”

Not even a noise of acknowledgement, your vocal chords had closed themselves shut at the man’s sudden mild vulnerability. Out of all the things you expected him to ever say to you, a ‘thank you’ was never on the list. He was always sporting his characteristic cartoonish frown, speaking to everyone in a clipped tone with pointed words.

“You’re more important to us than you think.” He stepped on the cigarette butt. “That is one of the reasons why I can’t let you believe what happened to my grandson was in any way your fault.”

“‘Sorry?” You mumbled in confusion, his words pulling yet another frown onto your face; did you miss any pivotal points in the conversation? How had the conversation switched from his apparent familial issues to you? 

“I know you feel guilty for what happened, even if you weren’t involved.” He sighed, not bothering to look you in the eye before continuing his speech. “You’re not responsible for your brother’s doing.”

“Yeah,” you scoffed in mild amusement, as if that wasn’t something you’ve been trying to tell yourself; all Bajis share their fuckups. But then again, of course he wouldn’t understand. “Easier said than done.”

This time you didn’t try to make up for the way had snapped at him. And bless the man for being able to read the room, because he didn’t push the conversation further. Deep down he knew you needed the outlet; you may have already cried, but all your anger was still pent up inside of you. And after everything you had done for him and his family, it was the least he could do for you. 

“It doesn’t matter what we believe, we’re always responsible for everyone’s mess.” You scoff in dismay. “It’s like we were born for our families to have a provisional caretaker. 

“So thank you for trying to tell me I didn’t break into Shinchiro’s shop, I know I didn’t, but it's still my mess to fix.” The aftertaste of the words laid heavy in your mouth, trickling down your throat like bitter bile tearing through the tissue. You didn’t like how they sounded; they were too impersonal, too selfish. You took a deep breath, holding yourself upright in spite of the pang in your chest. “Not that i wouldn’t have taken care of Shin if someone else had been responsible for what happened, I lo– I– I care too much about him to just leave him be but its just—”

You cleared your throat, “If I had made sure I knew where Keisuke was going or, or if I had actually tried to listen to him when he told me he didn’t know what to give Manjiro for his birthday then maybe– just…” 

You trailed off, unable to finish your sentence without breaking down the walls of the dam you thought you had finally managed to piece back together. You didn’t want the responsibility of rebuilding them back up, you don’t think you’d be able to do it as quickly as you’d want to. But you weren’t venting your sorrows to the wind. Mansaku Sano was still standing next to you, hands locked behind his back as he waited for you to continue, and though he was well aware of the times in which he had to remain quiet, he also knew when it was time to speak up. 

“Then what?”

“Then,” you swallow, “then none of this would’ve happened, and he would’ve been okay.”

Your body itched for another cigarette, pawing at your skull for you to smother down the tears spouting from your eyes, even if the smoke would make your eyes teary once again. But with Mansaku Sano standing next to you, you didn’t dare touch a single one; it didn’t matter that you had just finished spilling your pent up emotions, you drew the line at smoking with Shinichiro’s grandfather. The thought sprouted a melancholic smile on your lips; Shinichiro would have a field day when he finds out what just went down.

The only thing left you had to ground yourself was the cold metal of your lighter, already starting to heat up at the warmth of your skin. You ran your thumb over it once again, the pattern already engraved in your mind. The habit had probably developed out of your need to be comforted by familiarity—of course the lighter was the right candidate, from its colour and texture, size and temperature, you had everything about it memorised like the back of your hand. 

“It’s a really nice lighter.” You hadn't realised you were playing with it until he spoke up; twirling it between your fingers over and over again, flipping it open and close, lighting it up before shutting the lid and extinguishing the flame. 

“Thanks,” you sniffled, and right after you finished speaking, your voice hoarse and tired, you regretted ever doing so. You felt like a child once again; like when your mom tried to comfort you after you had scraped your knee, or when a couple of older middle-schoolers had beaten your friends up. A child like when the day was finally over and you had to go back home from a play-date, or when your favourite toy had fallen inside the river while walking over a bridge. You regretted speaking the minute you had discovered your voice sounded as weak as you felt, and yet, at the mention of your beloved trinket, you felt the warm giddiness wash over your body forcing you to speak. And so, once again like a child, you did. “I got it at a summer festival, Shin got it for me.”

“I thought you said you wanted to come visit him.”

For a minute Keisuke didn’t speak. He looked straight at the ground, feet planted on the floors like roots had grown out of him as he held your hand.

Earlier this morning he had clung onto your waist while angry tears rolled down his cheeks. The moment he caught sight of you putting your shoes on the genkan he had broken into a run, letting his body smash against yours, and almost making you lose your balance. Both you and your mom had tried your hardest to calm him down for what felt like hours but to no avail. He persisted, begging for you to let him accompany you to the hospital. 

Outside of Shinichiro’s room, it was a whole other story. All of a sudden he had decided he didn’t want to see him eye to eye. His reaction made you internally groan in frustration. Had you listened to your own gut feeling telling you Keisuke wasn’t ready to come with you, it would’ve saved him the stress of making a choice for himself. Instead, you were too weak to his puppy dog eyes and wobbly pleas, and now his eyes had started to water as he tried to hold back his own hiccups. 

“I promise Shin-nii isn’t angry at you,” you cooed, kneeling down to the floor and looking up at him. When had he gotten this tall? When had he grown this much? Were your efforts enough to shape him into a decent person? “and if you truly don't feel comfortable we can go home, I promise I won’t get angry.”

He rubbed at his teary eyes with his free hand before nodding at you, trailing behind you as you stood up and knocked on the door.

“Hey!” you poked your head into the room with a smile, one that faltered as you tried to keep your mouth from falling open in awe once you noticed how the sunlight streaming from the window kissed every inch of Shinichiro’s skin as he quietly read the book you had given him as a joke. He looked up at you, pearly whites all up for display, and mumbled a soft mumbled a soft ‘hey’ right back at you; he looked so pretty he could be mistaken for an angel. “I brought Keisuke with me, ‘that okay?”

He hummed in response, marking the page he was reading before setting it aside. Even after the events that took place at the shop, you knew he wouldn’t mind your brother visiting—he had a soft spot for him after all. The verbal confirmation was more for Keisuke’s sake, who prompted by it, let go of your hand and walked into the room, a tinge of fear staining each step he took. 

Shinichiro grinned, gently waving his way. And though the both of you had always found some sense of comfort in the warmth of his smile, it took less than a second for Keisuke to burst into tears. Sobs wracked his body as he stood frozen in the middle of the room, frantically drying out his cheeks with his forearms in vain. Tears kept pouring from his caramel eyes down to his cheeks until they stained his striped shirt.

At the sight of his distress, Shinichiro tried standing up as quickly as possible, almost ripping off his tangled IV. Thankfully, you managed to stop him before he could; the moment your brother had started crying you were already by his side wrapping your arms around his fragile figure.

Much like you had done the past few days, you combed his hair with your fingers while shushing his cries. It had become almost like a habit, Keisuke running to you in the middle of the day, hugging you close while you dried his tears for him. You’d think he’d ran out of tears by now, but something you didn’t take into account was how similar the two of you were, always feeling everything too much, all at once.

“You’re okay,” you whispered into his hair, “you’re okay, and Shin-nii’s okay, see?” you asked him, holding his tear streaked cheeks and motioning his face to meet your gaze, waiting for his breathing to even out before you coaxed him into looking at Shinichiro. “We’ve got you, the two of us, we've got you.”

He smiled at him once again, though you could see a twinkle of sadness in his eyes, as extended one of his hands for him to take. Warily, he warmed up to the invitation, wiping the remaining tears from his face before dragging his feet to the edge of the bed, asking if he could sit with him in a very un-Keisuke nature; it was unusual for him to ask before acting on his impulses.

Shinichiro softened once he felt Keisuke nuzzling his cheek against his chest. He ran his fingers through his dark locks, and as he did so you couldn’t help but think how his hair kept getting longer and longer with each day; hopefully no one from the school office would call you letting you know it was time to chop it off once classes were back in session.

In between hushed whispers, they talked amongst each other for a while. At first, Baji kept giving one word responses, still insecure in spite of your reassurance, but it wasn’t long before he started to loosen up, giggling between sniffles at Shinichiro’s questions and mocking his ‘honorary-brother’ back with teary jabs.

It was a solid dynamic they had been able to build after years of trust and consistent interaction; your two favourite boys extending their love to each other like they were flesh and blood. In that way, the two of them were similar, fiercely loyal and willing to give themselves up for those they loved. You were grateful that Shinichiro was there for Keisuke as he grew up, unknowingly making up for everything you lacked.

The mumble of your name caught your attention, popping your nostalgia blown bubble. Keisuke and Shinichiro alike were beckoning you over, the latter extending his arm as the two of them scooted over and patted the free space next to him.

He held your hand like you were a princess stepping onto a carriage, gingerly helping you keep your balance as you toed-off your shoes. You let out a sigh once you plopped yourself on the bed, letting his arm curl around your shoulders while he kept your hands interlocked, rubbing the skin with his thumb. In spite of the giddiness warming your stomach, you forced yourself to roll your eyes in response when he teasingly asked if you were comfortable, pretending to be bothered by his apparent clinginess 

“‘Your sister made you try the jell-o cups already?” he asked Keisuke, the younger boy looking up at him through puffy eyes and wet lashes, and once he shook his head in response he whistled, turning towards you as if disappointed. “You haven’t made him try ‘em yet?” 

“‘Came straight to see you.” You brushed off, pretending you didn’t feel his body tense beside you and smiling to yourself in subtle victory when he gulped.

“You should’ve gone to the cafeteria first.” He scolded jokingly, clicking his tongue as if that would help him hide his blushing cheeks that hurt from his own shy affection. Soon after, he switched his attention to your brother, ruffling his hair before speaking, “Remember those jell-o cups you used to share with Manjiro and Haruchiyo? The ones they sold at the konbini?”

“Yeah, but they don't have ‘em anymore,” Keisuke pouted, brows furrowed in thought. His sharp canines poked at his bottom lip, tilting his head up at Shinichiro and grinning. “Mikey almost fought the cashier guy when we found out they stopped selling them!”

“Yeah, I remembered that.” He chuckled, recalling the time he had heard the employee complain about Manjiro’s sudden aggression on one of his morning milk runs. “But guess what?” he sat on his forearms, dragging out the silence to build anticipation. He waited for the two of you to raise your heads from his chest, sharing an evident impatience as you urged him to continue. He took a deep breath before grinning once again. “They still sell ‘em over here.”

“No way! Really?!” The boy stood up in less than a second, forcing you to grab onto the neck of his t-shirt to prevent him from falling flat on his ass while he cried in glee, tears seemingly forgotten. Those jell-o cups in particular had been a staple of everyone’s childhood; you had been eating those snacks for years and years. You can clearly remember the clear disappointment in his face when he told you they had been discontinued, his somberness rubbing off on you.

“Yeah!” Shinichiro exclaimed back, scooting closer to your brother and placing one of his hands on the bed railing behind your brother, aiding you in your task of preventing Keisuke from falling to the ground. The memory had suddenly made its wake into his consciousness after mulling over ways to comfort your brother and coming up empty handed, until he had suddenly turned to his bedside table where an empty plastic cup sat with a flimsy disposable spoon. “Manjiro and Emma got a bunch from the cafeteria to take home, you could do the same.”

You were almost taken aback by the speed he used to turn his face towards you, surprised he didn’t give himself whiplash before he asked you with as much excitement he could muster, “Can we?! Please, please!?”

His pleading words made his bronze eyes sparkle under the fluorescent lights and though you know you shouldn’t, you can’t find it in yourself to say no. You smiled and nodded without a shadow of a doubt that you’d do anything in your power to keep the toothy grin you missed on his lips.

“Does that mean I can go get one now?” He pleaded, tilting his head and yet again putting on display the best puppy-dog eyes he could muster. “Please? I haven't had one in years, I wanna know if they’re the same as I remember.”

“Knock yourself out.” Shinichiro said before you could respond, ruffling Keisuke’s hair before the latter jumped down, ignoring the fact you didn’t give him a proper response before running off to the cafeteria.

You sighed unimpressed, turning towards the man beside you and letting yourself slump against his figure. His chuckle only made you roll your eyes.

“What? Were you planning to say no to him?” 

He knew you too well for your own good.

“Shut up.” With a gentle push you force him back down on the bed, elbowing him lightly in the process and pressing your head back against his chest. You almost hum in satisfaction when he let himself fall back down without resistance, caving in under your touch. “I could’ve said no.”

“Yeah, right.” This time, he was the one rolling his eyes, mocking your mannerisms and chuckling when you smiled, hoping the apparent ‘nonchalance’ would mask his now increased heart rate, and the faster beating coming from the vital sign monitor.

“I could’ve!” You tried to sit up in retaliation, pretending to be annoyed, yet you didn’t resist when he pulled you back down. He held down his own giggling once he felt you cuddling up closer to his side, tracing random patterns on his dotted hospital gown and realising too late how close both your hands were. The proximity made you nervous; even if the two of you were practically laying one on top of the other, holding hands felt like a foreign act of intimacy. 

Subtly enough, you tried reaching out for the tip of his fingers, moving what seemed like less than a millimetre per minute. Soon enough, he took notice of your plan; hesitantly, he moved his own towards you, letting your fingertips rest against each other for a couple of seconds, like he was asking for your permission, before interlocking his fingers with yours.

“You really can’t stay away from me, can you?” he teased, gaze focused on your entwined hands through his lashes as he felt too shy to look anywhere near your face. It seemed that hiding the pink-ish blush staining his cheek had become his number one priority; you were so close, so everywhere, he wouldn’t want it any other way, even if the closest he’d get to you would be through friendly teasing, bordering the line of ‘definitely, a 100% and unmistakably platonic’ flirting. 

In your mind, you were desperately scavenging for any semblance of a comeback, preferably witty and with the same energy he was giving you.Instead, all you did was sigh.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

You blamed the gusty confession on a moment of weakness, likely born out of your depleting energy mixed with the way his hand fit against yours like two perfectly carved puzzle pieces. You weren’t sure why you had said what you did, the way you did; voice softening as the longing you had suppressed your whole life coated every syllable that rolled down your tongue. 

He hummed in response, giddy and satisfied, before backtracking in confusion. The lack of sarcasm or annoyance lighthearted mockery caught the two of you off-guard, though it seemed to have a bigger impact on him as his body tensed up for a moment. If you were to look up at him, you’d probably see his head tilted to the side, with warm cheeks and the ghost of a frown clouding his features.

And that’s exactly why you don’t. 

Not like this; you wouldn't allow yourself to do so, wouldn’t even dare. Not when the stakes were this high, multiple worst outcomes served on a silver platter for you to choose because once you look up at him he would notice the way you see him, like he hung up each individual constellation up in the sky on his own and then all of it would be over for you.

For the both of you. 

“Do you, uh,” the slight shake in his voice made you gulp, like you had an inkling of a very possible question he could ask. Maybe this would finally be the end of your friendship which, to your own dismay, could be very easily broken by other things that weren’t death itself, “do you know if Keisuke has talked to Manjiro yet?”

You cleared your throat, holding back the sigh of relief, and shook your head. “I don’t think he knows how.”

“He’s scared?” 

“I think so,” you pondered, “they’ve been friends since forever, I think he’s scared of losing…him.”

Knowing that both you and your brother’s situation overlapped in so many ways felt weird; both Baji siblings were scared to lose their respective Sano brothers. It sounded funny, almost cute, like both Bajis and Sanos were meant to stick together generation after generation. You would’ve giggled at the thought, explain the parallels between the two relationships to Shinichiro and laugh at the silliness of it, yet the fear that had taken possession of your body the last couple of days lingered at the thought. 

Scared of losing him.

You almost choked on the words sitting heavy in your mouth, like you had confessed to a crime. Had you been alone, maybe they would’ve urged you to cry.

“Hey, ‘you okay?” You hadn’t realised that the worry had bled onto your face, dripping down your cheeks and coating your eyelashes with sorrow until he spoke up, tearing you away from your trance. But you couldn’t help it, the lingering torture you endured at the hands of your brain replaying past events, from the bailing your brother out of jail as he sobbed to having Wakasa answer the call for you, Kazutora crying in your arms and Shinichiro blaming himself for his own accident, the more you felt like losing yourself in his embrace, tightening your hold on his hand. “You left me there for a second I thought–”

“No.”

“What?”

“No, I’m–” you stuttered, “I don’t think I’m okay, I–”

Rejection after rejection, you’ve seen what felt like an infinite amount of his confessions go sideways, and yet he handled each and every one of them with grace. You’d attribute his resilience to the amount of first hand experience he’s had with it, and though at first it had taken a big toll on him. By now, rejection was nothing to him. He could make a fool of himself in front of anyone and he really wouldn’t care; he has told you so himself. 

But you were not Shinichiro, and you could never be him.

You were resentful and impulsive, oftentimes reacting way before you think. You were impatient and whiny, though you tried your best to suppress that particular trait to no avail. You were a selfish, self-destructive being that somehow managed to keep the insecure neediness brewing inside on the down low. 

And you could go on. You could go on because you were stubborn, volatile, melodramatic and a part of your brain really does think you were just setting yourself up for failure listing every single negative character trait that comes to mind. But it didn’t matter because that just further proves you're not Shinichiro Sano, that you were never going to be Shinichiro Sano because you were weak.

Too weak to answer the call, too weak not to try and escape uncomfortable situations, too weak to hold back the urge for a smoke, too weak to forgive Kazutora, too weak to confess your feelings for your best friend even after bawling your eyes out at the thought of a life without him.

Too weak, too weak, too weak. 

Being weak is all you’ve ever known. 

The thoughts poured and they wouldn’t stop, crashing against each other like the same bumper carts you rode along with Shinichiro at the funfair with your siblings. Back then, you were all smiles and laughter, and right now you wondered if the two of you would’ve held hands if it wasn’t for Emma sitting in the middle of you both.

And he was so warm next to you, not pressuring you to clarify whatever word-vomit you just spewed instead of a proper comeback. So sweet as he squeezed your hand to let you know he was there to help in whichever way he could to lull your worries to sleep. So kind as he took care of you when you should be the one taking care of him. Always so him.

You had no right to be a coward, at least not in front of one of the strongest and bravest people you’ve ever met. It wasn’t fair. Listing your flaws from the top of your head would never justify your body preventing itself from spilling the truth just so you could try and grasp at the fragile strings of self-pity to sew yourself back together as unspoken words necrotize your tongue. 

The same way you wouldn’t dare look at him, you wouldn’t dare stay away from him. It’d kill you just to try. So fuck every martyrish thought in your head, fuck the burned cigarette butts stained with indirect kisses, fuck the many nights the two of you spent stargazing in his garden, the infinite amount of chocolates you bought him for valentine’s day to make up for the emptiness of his locker; and the countless times he had dropped everything he was doing for the chance to spend just a couple of minutes with you. Fuck the worn out red koi fish engraved on your lighter and the possibility of breaking the promise you two made of never straying away from each other.

“I can’t stay away from you,” you took a deep breath, “I think I’d rather die than live a life without you,

“The sole idea of losing you almost sent me over the edge, and even after you were out of surgery I was a mess,” you stopped yourself again, giving yourself the chance to swallow down the knot in your throat; it didn’t work. “I was going insane without being able to talk your ear off because even when I talk about something you couldn’t give a shit about you still give a shit, you give so many shits when it comes to me, too many,

“You’re loyal and gentle and charming and you’re always smiling, and it's like, it's like you're absolutely everything good and even then you genuinely have no idea how wrapped around your finger I truly am, 

“And I don't think I’ve ever properly thanked you for existing because I don't think I’d be the same person I am right now if it wasn't for you, and even if I'm not perfect, I- I wouldn't trade myself for a better version if that meant you wouldn’t be in my life.

“So, yeah, I guess you’re right, I don’t think I can,” you let your shoulders sag, like the confession finally burned years upon years of cover-ups and excuses and fake scenarios you had come up with before bed stored in the darkest depth of your brain. “Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to stay away from you.”

Pensive, he melted further against the pillows, letting his muscles melt at the sound of his own sighing. Even if you weren’t directly looking at him, you hear his smile reverberating throughout his body, and the sole idea of him possibly reciprocating your feelings made you impossibly giddy; a little too giddy. It was easy, after all, to get your hopes up once you lose yourself in him, his warmth and comfort. And for less than a second, you can see your hypothetical future with him pass right in front of your eyes, forcing you to accept a premature victory. But as the silence between the two of you started to drag itself out, you couldn't help but reluctantly welcome the acrid heartbreak tearing through your skin.

“I’m sorry,” you tensed up, “I shouldn’t have–”

“No, no, it's–,” he blurted out tongue tied as if your words had snapped him out of a trance, mirroring the same giddiness you had displayed with the same hint of hesitancy, “no one has talked about me like that, I guess it just caught me off-guard.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I don’t– don’t think I'd be able to stay away from you either– not that I want to, of course it's just– sorry give me a minute.” Looking off to the side, he tried to collect himself, clearing his throat and pinching his cheeks, the skin already stained with all sorts of shades of pink. For him, it was inevitable not to become all shy and flustered, the least he could do was bite his tongue so as not to break into a fit of giggles, prevent himself from swinging his legs and twirling his short strands of hair like a lovesick middle schooler. All because of you. “Just, um, just to be clear before I look like an absolute fool, not that I don't look like an absolute fool on a daily basis, but this is a confession, right?” 

You raised your head up in confusion, tilting your head and furrowing your brows. Had you not been so baffled by his self-explanatory question you would’ve fawned over this version of him, giddy and soft and in love with you because just by looking at his eyes you could tell he was looking at you like you hung the moon up in the sky—it was easy to decipher; after staring at him the exact same way countless times, you were bound to familiarise yourself with such display of devotion. And had he not looked this adorable, you would’ve teased him for being so painfully and hopelessly dense, but you didn’t have it in you to do so, only managing to nod in response.

“So you like like me?” He continued, waiting for your reassurance, either a nod or a smile, or any signal that he was right. “So you are in love with me?”

“I mean, I wouldn't say I'm in love but if that's what makes you sleep at night.” The more you stared at his face, the dimples on his cheeks, the creasing of his eyes at your words and the giggle he couldn’t help but contain, the wider the smile creeping at his lips became.

“Will you say it then?” He prodded, moving closer to you, now unable to hide the twinge of pink that grew what seemed like a thousand shades per second.

“I don’t know,” your legs innocently dangled from the side of the bed, trying to win back control of the situation by cutting down on your proximity, and sitting up properly from your half-lying position, “will I?”

“Please?” he begged, cupping one of your cheeks with the palm of his hand and pulling you closer until you could feel each other's breaths. His skin was warm against yours, the roughness of his palm from working non-stop at the shop offset by the tenderness he carried around for you. 

And though you wanted to drag this on, enjoying the back and forth, you were so whipped for this man that you couldn’t stop your nonchalant act from crumbling as soon as you heard him once again let out a shy giggle after he nudged your nose with his.

“I love you.” 

Voice dreamy and saccharine sweet, like confessing to your lifelong desire, you whispered, and just before your lips touched, through lidded eyes and uneven breath he whispered back ‘and I love you’. 

After his own confession, you were unable to pay attention to anything that wasn’t him. All your senses were muted as his soft lips gilded against yours. The taste of the honey chapstick you applied almost compulsively melted against his tongue, and he wondered if like him, you could still faintly taste the strawberry chapstick you had gifted him a while ago; the same one he hadn’t stopped using since, going as far as asking the hospital staff to retrieve it from the pockets of the jeans he was wearing the day of the accident for him.

He bit back a whimper when he felt you bite down gently on his bottom lip, unable to ignore the way you smirk against the kiss once your hand makes its way up to the side of his neck to rest on his pulse point, in the perfect position to feel his heart doing somersaults underneath your touch. It made him want to melt right against you; the more you wandered down his body, the bigger the urge to hold you grew.

His calloused yet delicate fingers traced your skin, running from the apples of your cheeks down to your chin, coaxing you to fully give into him as he traced the tip of his tongue against your lips. He could feel himself grow hard once you gave him permission to enter, basking on the hidden whine you let out at the feeling of the warm muscle enveloping your whole body, drool pooling at the corner of both your lips.

Away from your face, he trails his hands slowly down your torso confidently ghosting the skin before the facade is broken the moment he almost freezes up once he gets to your chest. The blush on his cheeks deepened as you took notice of his apparent nervousness, laughing it off before he continued his path down to your hips, 

He was sure he was ready to die right here in your arms the moment you softly suck on his tongue, his eyes almost rolling towards the back of his skull as you hands grazed his clothed dick. The teasing touch made him groan, the vibrations against your lips feeding the urge to get closer to him. And almost like he had read your mind, you shivered at the tight grip of his hips guiding you over lap until you were resting flush against him.

“‘Want you so bad.” He panted in between giggles, nudging your noses together and pecking your lips over and over again. You barely managed to catch your breath between his kisses; when he leaned away you pulled him in, and when you did so he tried to follow the path of your lips until they were once again interlocked with his. The two of you ignored the satisfying burn of your lungs like the feeling of your bodies close against each other was good enough of a replacement for oxygen itself. “–Waited so long for this.”

He pulled you down a little harder against him, bucking his hips against your. Mewling into the kiss, you wrapped both your arms around his shoulders, perhaps taking too much enjoyment in the minimal friction against your core. The sensation of him rutting desperately against you forced you to meet his attempts for more with an equal amount of want.

“You feel so good.” you cooed, whimpering as he sucked at the skin behind your ear. “Shin, Fuck, you’re so good at this.”

Before he could stop himself, he was groaning at the praise, peppering kisses along your jaw and neck and refusing to come back up to meet your lips to hide the raging blush tinting his skin, spreading from his cheeks up to his ears.

“You like that? Like it when I say you're doing a good job?”

He hummed, though it sounded more like a whimper, and waited no time to pull your face back against his, connecting your lips again in a messy kiss, to, presumably, stop you from teasing him. He took the opportunity to indulge himself, once again tracing the outline of your lower lip with his tongue and nipping at the supple skin in retaliation.

In spite of your own reluctance, you broke the kiss first, finding the way he tried to chase your lips with his eyes half-lidded in pleasure, indescribably cute. You took a minute to fully take in this version of him, his breath uneven and with a thin sheen of sweat making some of his black locks stick to his forehead. His lips were puffy, glistening with saliva as they part involuntarily in an enrapturing appetite. 

He looked so pretty like this, you didn’t think you’d have it in you to control yourself. 

Once you had lowered the sheets covering his legs, one of your thumbs proceeded to draw circular patterns on his exposed thigh, chuckling at the way he flinched before relaxing against you. Gently ghosting your fingernails over his skin, you hiked up his hospital gown until you had full access to the band of his boxers, toying with the elastic but doing nothing aside from that.

“You want to do this here?” He pulled back, eyes wide and dazed with need yet frazzled at your sudden boldness, as if nearly dry humping in a hospital wasn’t bold enough. His hands played with the hem of your shirt, sending shivers down your spine every time his fingers grazed your skin. He looked like a deer caught in headlines, a way cuter version of Bambi, and you couldn’t help but nuzzle your nose against his cheek before kissing him gently, once, twice, thrice.

“Only if you want to.” 

“I do,” he swallowed, clearing his throat to keep himself lucid as he felt the tips of your fingers breaching the hem of his underwear, cold against the warmth of the covered skin. “Fuck, I really do, I need you s’bad I–”

“You fucking disgust me.” 

Like a pair of surprised kittens, the sudden interruption had the two of you jumping away from each other, almost falling off the bed while desperately trying to pull the sheets back into place. In turn Shinichiro tried helping you regain your balance, grabbing your arm before you crashed against the floor, nearly pulling down one of the hospital monitors in the process. 

“Don't you know how to knock?” You bit back, taking his comment more personally that you should’ve. 

“Didn’t think it’d be necessary.” Wakasa crossed his arms in front of his chest, shifting the lollipop in his mouth from one side of his cheek to the other. Standing beside, Benkei held a teddy bear and a lavender flower arrangement, mixed along with baby’s breaths and eucalyptus. If anyone had to guess, the bewildered expression he sported only meant he’d rather have his friend die than see whatever blasphemous activities you were performing. But then again, he probably expected to see his friend bedridden and weak instead of the free front row tickets to your ‘dry humping a post-concussed Shinichiro’ expectale. “‘Thought the worst thing we’d come across was him sleeping.”

“Why did you think coming across me sleeping d’be the worst case scenario!?” Shinichiro butted in lightheartedly, though you wouldn’t rule out the possibility of him actually being serious. “Are you saying I look ugly when I sleep?”

“No, you dumbass,” Wakasa deadpanned; even with his usual unbothered facade you could tell he was grateful for the ordinary banter, questioning his stupidity with a hidden smile. “How’re we gonna talk to you if you’re asleep.”

“Wait, what happened? I didn't see,” Takeomi joined in, panting as he held a couple of balloons that had ‘it's a boy!’ written all over them. “These two assholes left me while I was getting something to eat.”

The two of you groaned at the sound of his voice, pressing the heels of your hands against while Shinichiro hid his eyes behind his forearm. Even if you wanted to be lowkey about the whole situation, sweep it under the rug to avoid facing the embarrassment over again, you knew you wouldn't be able to hide it from anyone, not even Takeomi, and he wasn’t the brightest. 

Shinichiro’s hair was a tousled mess and his skin was dusted pink. Both of your lips were puffy, glistening under the fluorescent lights, and your breathing was uneven still. No matter how much the two of you tried to regulate it back to normal, it seemed to follow the rapid rhythm of each other’s heart beat.

“Nothing happened.” You grumbled, willing to attempt a lousy cover up in spite of your friend’s, including Shinichiro, giggling. Once he found out, it would be impossible for him to let it go. But even so, it took a lot of effort not to join in your friends’ laughter; it was funny to fuck with him—not literally—his puzzled frown as he borderline begged for someone to let him only feeding in your teasing. Still, once he found out. “We were just talking.”

“Yeah, talking about fuck–”

“Wakasa!” “Dude!” 

The two of you exclaimed as the blond tilted his head to the side, making his earring jingle. A teasing smile stretched on his lips as the four of you waited for Takeomi to process what was just mentioned. Knowing the speed in which the neurons within his brain transported information, it’d take a little while.

To everyone’s surprise, it only took him a couple of seconds to do so. You could visibly see it in his expression, morphing into one of amazement the minute realisation hit him straight in the face

“Did’ya– No way, you finally fucked?” And though his lack of decorum made the two men beside him laugh louder and the two of you groan as if to muffle his voice, he paid your reaction no mind other than using it as an affirmative response to his question. “No way, congrats dude! Who would’ve thought you needed to almost die just to lose your virginity.”

“I hate you so much.” Shinichiro playfully complained, a stupid grin threatening to make its way onto his lips disproving his claim. Seeing his four best friends standing around him right after waking up from what could’ve been a tragic accident made him feel all sorts of things he found himself unable to explain. It almost made him want to cry once again—happy tears this time.

“Anyway, now that you’ve got someone to stay with,” you changed the topic, interrupting yourself to fix the stray hairs sitting on top of Shinichiro’s head before caressing his cheek with your thumb, “I’ll go check whatever Keisuke’s doing, I‘ll be back in a sec.”

“Wait no, don’t go…” You had to resist the urge to give him another quick peck at the way he dragged out the ‘go’, and instead, grabbed your phone from his bedside table to respond to the missed messages coming from your mom. “Don’t leave me with these people.”

“Very funny Shitty-chiro.” Takeomi fake laughed, letting himself fall on one of the chairs nearby, stretching his arms before fully slumping against the backrest and looking at you. “But’s fine, I left Haruchiyo in charge, Senju’s with them as well.”

“Well that doesn't make things any better, does it.” At your snapping voice, he raised his hands up in surrender, as if the idea of letting a 13 year-old in charge of two 12 year-olds didn't have multiple flaws. Doing a 180° turn, you turned towards Shinichiro, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. “I’ll be quick, promise.”

“Wait, before you go,” Wakasa interrupted, stopping you from slinging your bag over your shoulder. He took the bright red candy out of his mouth with a pop, using it as a little wand to emphasise his speech, before he continued. “Who confessed first?”

“Yeah!” Takeomi sat at the end of his seat, gaze switching from Shinichiro to you and vice versa. “How did Shinichiro confess to ya’?”

Again, faster than the usual processing speed of his cognitive skills, he managed to string the hints together, gasping at the silence that settled between the two of you as you tried to silently decide who should say what. Shinichiro opened his mouth like a fish, as if trying to come up with something to appease his friend’s reaction before giving up and averting his eyes, pointing at you with his thumb.

Wakasa’s smirk only grew the more Takeomi seemed to sink back into the chair in dejection. “‘gotta pay up Omi-omi.”

The ruffling of bills and the complaints birthed out of the apparent loser’s mouth distracted you momentarily. You were about to laugh at the scene in front of you, two of them waiting with their hands stretched out as Takeomi reluctantly placed the wrong amount in his palm, grunting when Wakasa noticed it wasn’t the amount they had agreed on, before it clicked in your head.

“Pay up,” you mumbled to yourself, “Pay up, pay up? Wait, did you three bet on us?”

“Kinda,” Benkei sent you a reassuring smile, counting the hundred yen bills that were handed to him once again; when it came to money matters, Takeomi wasn’t someone you could trust. “We bet on who’d confess first.”

“And you didn’t bet on me?!” Shinchiro exclaimed, a little louder than he intended.

“Sorry man, ‘didn't have faith in you,” Wakasa folded the five crinkled bills in half before stashing them in his back pocket. “After your failed attempt I kinda accepted you weren’t going to win, Benkei was always betting against you, though.”

“But ‘ya admit it!” Takeomi jumped from his seat, waving his now empty wallet in the air like he was fencing with the worn out leather rectangle. “He did confess first!”

“Hell no, it only counts if it was a successful confession.”

“So the bet wouldn’t count if one of them got rejected? What's the point then!”

Wakasa groaned, pressing his temples with his thumb and middle finger, “It only counts if the two of them understand whatever was done was a confession.”

“But the lighter was him confessing!”

“Takeomi, that was the vaguest confession to ever be seen by the entirety of mankind.”

“What confession are you talking about…?” You interrupted the animated discourse with a question. In spite of enjoying the banter between your friends, you remained in the dark. Shinichiro had never confessed to you, or even remotely tried to do so. You were a hundred percent certain, after all, had he done so you were sure you’d be dating by now. 

“The lighter you always carry around,” Takeomi responded, “the fish one.”

Instinctively, you patted the pocket where your zippo lighter sat, carefully trailing your thumb lightly over the red imprints as you pulled it out. It looked almost exactly the same way as it did during the summer festival. The only difference, aside from the way the metal reflected the cold hospital lights instead of fireworks and paper lanterns, were the couple of dents on the metal and the previously well-defined engraving softening over the years.

“S‘not just a fish,” Shinichiro chuckled, letting himself fall back on the bed while hiding his flustered state behind a seemingly lame explanation. At this rate, he was sure his skin could be permanently stained a pinkish-red. “It's a red koi fish.”

“Wait,” you snapped your head from the lighter to him, letting your mouth fall open in surprise, “you, you meant that?”

“What do you…mean?” Shinichiro poked, voice twisting and forcing the ‘mean’ to come out strained. Watching your shoulders tense up and, somehow, simultaneously relaxed made him wary of the whole situation, like the universe itself was playing a prank on him. And though unlikely, he wasn't ruling out the possibility of random cameras popping up from behind the door or through the window or maybe from underneath his bed with a huge poster reading ‘you’ve been pranked!’.

He had given you that lighter seven years ago, the engravings were probably faded by now, there was no way…

“Red koi fish mean romantic love, don’t they?” 

It took him a couple of seconds to properly run your words through his brain, before his eyes widened in amusement mixed with the mild disappointment his seventeen year-old-self had forced himself to ignore after his confession had gone wrong. “You knew!?” 

“Uh…yeah? We learned that in literature class.” You shrugged with a sheepish smile in an attempt to tame down the laughter that had started bubbling in your throat at his mortified reaction. He groaned at your response, throwing one of his arms over his eyes, the sound mixing with a cry as the movement pulled on the IV digging into his arm.

He licked his lips a couple of times and rubbed the skin above the needle in an attempt to soothe the ache. Stalling, he was trying to buy time before he asked anything that could potentially hurt him. “Why didn’t you say anything?” Aside from flustered and pouty, slightly amused at his own failed attempt, he appeared to be a little sullen, perhaps even sad. It was obvious to you, though you didn’t know why; maybe he was blaming himself for losing the opportunity to get in a relationship with you way earlier. Or, maybe he blamed himself for putting any sort of pressure on you; back then, he wasn’t a hundred percent sure how you felt about him, so maybe you had purposely ignored his advances because you didn't want him. But that couldn’t be it, could it? Less than a couple of minutes ago the two of you were confessing your love for each other, so if that were to be the case, when did your feelings for him start to change? “Did, uh, did you not like me back then?”

Looking at his hopeful yet gloomy expectant features, he appeared so small and vulnerable in front of you, you wanted to give him a hug. The question had visibly caught you off-guard, your brows furrowing as soon as he was done talking. Who would’ve thought that a seemingly innocuous event from your past would come back transformed into an apparent irrational insecurity. It prompted yet another silence upon the two of you. And though it felt eternal, it lasted only a couple of milliseconds, interrupted by both your annoyance and Takeomi munching on the chips he bought at an inflated price on one of the hospital’s vending machines. 

“Do you mind?” You turned towards the obnoxious mistake you had chosen as a friend, snickering as he shrugged in questionable indifference, mumbling a muffled ‘go on’ before motioning you two to continue with a shake of his hand. But at the lack of positive feedback from anyone in the room he stopped himself to explain.

“What? It’s like watching a live romcom,” he shoved more chips into his mouth, “The ones we watch every friday, ‘ya know what I mean?”

“Okay,” Benkei clapped both his hands together, gathering everyone’s attention before he pulled Takeomi into a standing position and pushed both him and an amused Wakasa towards the door. “Seems like all of us are hungry, we’re heading to the cafeteria real quick, we’ll send Baji back up when we’re done, sounds good?”

“Sounds good, thanks, Benkei.” You smiled at him, watching the three of them leave and sighing in satisfaction when you saw the way the gentle-giant punched Takeomi’s arm once they were far enough for his complaints to appear silent. “But to answer your question,” you turned towards Shinichiro once again, sitting at the edge of the bed and resting your hand on top of his. You could see the way he visibly relaxed against your touch, the warmth of your skin coaxing his insecurities away little by little. “I did like you very much back then, too much for it to be considered healthy, I'm pretty sure…”

“Why didn’t you say anything then?”

“Well, I, you know,” you stumbled over your words, suddenly feeling the embarrassment for your younger self was all over you. Why didn’t you say anything? Well, in hindsight, you didn’t think Shinchiro had it in him to use a literary reference as a means of confession. Not because he was stupid, that was Takeomi's role, but because it was very un-Shinichiro. You had been witness to the countless failed confession attempts and nothing included anything as subtle and detailed as the lighter he had gifted you. Back then, he professed his brimming infatuation with an honest smile, the well-rehearsed question ‘would you go out with me?’ and absolutely nothing else. And though the ‘courting’ period included him acting all whipped and soft, he was usually very blunt when it came to asking people out, gentle but direct. 

Although, thinking about it a little bit more in depth, he had always been very romantic, sometimes cringy with the shitty pick up lines, but during movie nights he had always chosen movies with clear romantic subplots, and you can recall that one romance poetry book he kept borrowing from the library, unable to finish it before returning it—at least that’s what you thought, by the amount of times he had taken it home.

When you were both in middle school and high school, he would watch couples holding hands with a gentle smile, sometimes going as far as spacing out and letting a dreamy sigh fall from his lips—he always brushed off the person asking the reason behind his sighing, but you were paying attention to him more often than not, so of course you knew—and of course, you couldn’t forget the many times he had shared hypothetical scenarios with the four of you, most of them consisting of him fantasising out loud the sort of dates he’d like to have with his hypothetical s/o or what he would do for them before being relentlessly teased by all of you.

So, in retrospect, him trying to confess through a pretty much evident symbol extracted from one of your favourite books was a very un-Shinichiro, Shinichiro thing to do, if that made any sense. 

“I think…I might’ve gaslit myself into believing it was a coincidence, didn't wanna get my hopes up.”

“I thought, I– I thought it was pretty obvious that I liked you.” He chuckled, scooting to the side in order to make more space for you to lay, next to him, the same you had done most of the days you had spent here. “Everybody knew I did.”

“Wait, really? I thought you were being friendly!” You let out a laugh, watching him soften up even more at your obliviousness and simultaneously hold back laughter of his own. “Don’t laugh at me! You were flirtier with Wakasa than with me!”

“You can’t blame me!” He finally laughed along with you, interlocking your fingers together and pulling you close until you were squished next to him, and waited for you to get comfortable before continuing his spiel. “Waka’s my best friend, we’ve always been like that, and you know it.” He nuzzled his cheek against your head, muttering the words in the quietest way possible, like he didn’t want to be heard by anyone but you. “Plus I couldn't flirt with you, I'd blush and cry afterwards.”

“Yeah, I’d’ve cried if you flirted with me as well.”

“Hey!”

“I mean it in a good way! Happy tears or whatever.” You sighed with a giddy grin, caressing his cheeks with the back of your hand before smushing them together, forcing a pout and giving him a quick peck on the lips. “I promise I’ll forever be in love with you.”

© 2023 SHINACHIRO ; Do not repost my work. Do not recommend my work outside of tumblr. Do not translate my work. affiliated with @tokyometronetwork

[haihaihaitani]

Do I Look Okay? ~ *Shinichiro Sano*

Summary: Your bodyguard is in love; in love with you that is. But he knows it can never be. But that doesn’t mean he can’t still hope and wish that you will look at him with love. And perhaps, maybe you do...

Pairing: Shinichiro Sano X Fem!Reader

Genre: Angstyish Oneshot

Word Count: 2302

Warning: one innuendo right in the beginning, unrequited-requited love, hurt no comfort but it’s the good kind (the kind with hope)

Masterlist

Taglist: @soulangel​

A/N: He’s just so in love with you.

Part Two can be found here: You Look Perfect

“Did you make sure to lube the shaft?”

Shinichiro practically choked on the air as his client innocently asked a question to the chauffeur. Movie stars, honestly. However, he was a bit surprised when the man driving simply chuckled and nodded.

“Yes, Miss Y/n. The car will run nicely now. Your private mechanic did well.” He assured her.

She nodded, sending Shinichiro a wink. “Good. I was worried about this old car. I want to make a grand entrance at the red carpet tonight. Nothing says a grand entrance like a Rolls Royce Phantom limo.”

“You’re absolutely right, Miss Y/n.” The chauffeur chuckled again before she finally sat back in her seat, dusting off her lap.

Shinichiro sighed. He didn’t like being addressed as her personal mechanic. Yes, he absolutely loved working on her old cars, but his real position was bodyguard. Calling him a personal mechanic almost sounded dirty to him.

She gave him a cheeky smile as he sat back and the car started on its way back to her mansion. “Was that really necessary?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Giggling to herself, her smile grew. “It’s cute seeing you all hot and bothered. Really, you’re positively adorable when you’re flustered.”

“Thanks.” He muttered, averting his eyes as he frowned.

His breath hitched as she leaned against him, flashing her big puppy dog eyes. “Are you mad at me? You seem mad at me. It was just a little joke, you know. I was only teasing.”

“Teasing or not, you shouldn’t be making those kinds of jokes, especially in front of others.” He informed her, staring straight ahead so he wouldn’t fall victim to her glassy doe eyes.

“Why not?”

“Because…” He didn’t really know what to say. She shouldn’t because it makes him uncomfortable because he was harboring an unrequited crush towards the budding actress? A crush that if anyone found out, would get him fired, or worse, ruined as an impeccable bodyguard. He shook his head. “Because you’ll destroy your reputation.”

“Hmmm.” She sat back and it felt like the air had returned to his lungs. As she examined her elegantly polished nails, she continued, “What else do I need to do before the premiere tonight?”

Despite being her bodyguard and personal mechanic, he also was her secretary. She didn’t like having a lot of people following her around and catering to her every whim. So it was just him, awkward and loner Shinichiro Sano. Checking her personal schedule that he had inputted in his phone, he announced, “You have a hair appointment next and then you have to hurry and get dressed and get  your makeup done before the premiere.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” She stopped him, waving her hands around wildly. “What about food? I’m so hungry I’m going to die!”

He sighed. “You’ll be eating before you get dressed.”

“Then let’s order take-out!” She squealed with delight. “I’m dying for some good Chinese food! I know a great little place not too far from here that’s so delicious and cheap and ugh! My mouth is watering just thinking about it! Please, can we get some?”

Despite himself, Shinichiro shrugged, “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt…”

“Just make sure I don’t eat too much. I don’t want to feel bloated before the premiere.” She admitted. “That’s the worst, when you eat too much and then you just can’t move because you’re so full.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

“So are you going to eat with me or are you just going to stand there and watch me eat like you always do?” She asked, her bottom lip jutting out. “I want you to eat with me this time around. I want you to fall in love with the food just like I did.”

Again, Shinichiro froze. He didn’t mean for his first thought to be she was asking him out, but his mind strayed that way. Secretly, deep down in his heart, he really, really, really wanted it to be a date. He wanted to eat with her and talk about anything and everything, as long as it wasn’t about work. He wanted to attempt to be a cute boyfriend and try to feed her. But he knew it would never, ever, EVER happen and he needed to accept that. She was a star, he was a black cloud.

“Sure, I suppose I could…” He trailed off, mentally cursing himself. He should have said no. It was the proper response a normal bodyguard would say: no, thank you, I really shouldn’t. But he couldn’t say that to her. Not when she looked at him like that, with her pleading eyes and tender voice.

She squealed again, even going as far as clapping her hands with delight. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ll send in the online order.”

“And then I’ll pick it up.”

Swiftly she pulled out her phone and started tapping away. She asked him a couple of questions as she completed the order, satisfied with the kind of food she got the two of them. After the order was placed, she chattered on and on about random nonsense that he wasn’t really paying attention to. Really he was paying attention to the sound of her voice, and how it sounded like a melody. The way she emphasized words and spoke as if she were singing scales. He was truly enraptured by her.

Upon arriving at her estate, she was whisked to her room to get her hair done. While that was going on, Shinichiro picked up the food and set everything up at her dining room table. As he was doing this, he was trying his hardest not to freak out on the outside and keep all of his anxiety and excitement on the inside. This could be a date if you squinted. He could be on a date with the hottest movie star this year.

But he wasn’t.

He started mumbling under his breath, “No, this isn’t a date. I mean if this was a date, she would have explicitly said so. You know her. You know she has no filter. You know she would tell you exactly if this was a date when she asked you to stay. But she didn’t. So you know it’s not. So you shouldn’t be jumping to conclusions and hoping it is a date. I mean, if you were hoping this was a date, it’s not, because that would be absolutely ridiculous-”

“Everything okay?” She called out from the entryway, almost making him drop his food.

He nodded, albeit a bit too quickly. “Yeah, everything is just fine.”

When he turned to look at her, he almost dropped his food again. Her hair was done up so elegantly with a few silver clips to accent the style. Shinichiro knew she was pretty without her hair and makeup done, but even if it was just her hair, she still managed to take his breath away. She looked positively exquisite.

“It’s not too much, right?” There was a sliver of fear in her voice and if he didn’t know her that well, he wouldn’t have heard it. But Shinichiro knew her very well and he knew that she always felt very self conscious when it came to getting all dressed up for events like premieres and charity galas.

Nodding again, he assured her, “You are beautiful. Really, you’re stunning.”

She smiled, a small look of relief washing over her for a split second. “Good. Now pass me the food, I’m starving over here! I’m practically about to pass out from hunger!”

With a chuckle, he handed her her food. She eagerly sat down and dug into her meal, humming in delight at the taste. Shinichiro simply observed, picking through his own food as he did so. It’s not that he didn’t like the food, it was amazing just like she said it would be, it’s just he didn’t feel hungry. A small voice in the back of his head was screaming at him repeatedly that this was a date and he should make an effort to talk to her. But another voice shot back that it clearly wasn’t a date and he was on duty, therefore he needed to remain vigilant.

“Do you ever relax, Shin?” She asked him out of the blue.

He blinked in surprise, both at her question and the nickname. “Pardon?”

She shrugged, still not making eye contact as she picked through her food. “I don’t know, you always seem so uptight and stern around me. It’s almost as if you don’t like me. Do you like me, Shin?”

This was a trick question. He knew it as soon as she said it. There was no other reason as to why his crush would ask such an obvious question of him. Nevertheless, he nodded. “Yes, I like you.”

His heart beat erratically as she beamed. “Good, I like you too. So what’d you think of the food?”

How could he answer her? Why was she being so casual about this? Did she confess to having a crush on him too? Or what? What happened? What was he missing?

Shinichiro nodded, looking down at his half eaten food. “It’s good. Really, it’s just as good as you described it.”

“See? I told you so. I could live off of this food for the rest of my life and never get tired of it. Seriously the best thing I’ve ever tasted.” She sighed in utter contentment.

There was a knock at the entryway and both of them saw the stylist who was there to help her with her makeup. “Excuse me, Miss Y/n, but-”

“Yes, of course.” She nodded, setting her container down. Making her way over, she paused to speak to him. “It’ll only be a moment and then we can go.”

And with that she was gone.

Shinichiro could still smell traces of her perfume in the air. Though he was embarrassed to admit, he imagined it was what heaven smelled like. Shaking his head to clear the lovelorn poet from his head, he set to work putting the leftovers away and clearing the garbage. He knew she did have a maid to do these things, but he needed something to do to keep his mind occupied. He seriously needed to stop thinking this way about the starlit. This wasn’t Romeo and Juliet, where they were star-crossed lovers, never to be together ever. This was an unrequited crush that would put the job he cared for on the line. He needed to wake up and stop these foolish, lovesick teenage boy thoughts from manifesting into some creepy obsession.

After the cleaning was done, he found himself pacing in front of the door. He knew it wouldn’t take long, but he had nothing to occupy his thoughts or his time. The only thing he could do was pace. And he knew that would frustrate her when she would see him, but it didn’t matter at this point in time.

“Keep walking around in circles like that and you’ll make yourself sick from dizziness.”

Just like when she came to the dining room for dinner, his breath left him upon seeing her in the floor length evening gown, with a slit in the side that went all the way up to her mid thigh. The one strap was bedazzled to match the belt and was the same silver as her heels and hair clips. She looked like a goddess of beauty incarnate and all he wanted was to stare at her with hearts in his eyes all night.

But he scoffed at her words. “I think I’ll be fine. Are you ready to go?”

When she nodded, he turned to open the front door for her. However she quickly grabbed his hand, making him gasp lightly, “Wait. Do I look okay?”

Turning to her, he smiled a genuine smile of true affection. “You look breath-taking, as always.”

She smiled with gratitude. “Thank you. Really, thank you.”

Normally she wouldn’t say thank you twice, but before he could dwell on her words, she was already out the door and heading to the limo. After a quick shake of his head, he followed her and sat next to her in the car. The chauffeur drove them to the premiere, and for once the ride there was eerily quiet. He wanted to say something, just to break the tension, but he felt it better not to interfere. Every time he looked over at her, she was staring out the window, her head in the clouds. He didn’t want to break whatever concentration she had.

Before he knew it, bright lights were flashing and people were screaming her name. Even though Shinichiro was just her bodyguard and the screams weren’t for him, he was still caught off guard by them. He should be used to it by now, but he just wasn’t. He couldn’t imagine her being used to it either.

She took a deep breath, smoothing out the invisible creases in her dress. He could tell she was nervous, but he had no words of comfort to give to her. He wished he could say something, anything, but it seemed words escaped him every time they really mattered. And when she gave him a blindingly bright smile, his brain went fuzzy with static.

“You’re sure I look okay, right?”

He nodded, mustering up the courage to take her hand gently and give it a comforting squeeze. “You look absolutely perfect, I promise.”

She nodded slowly before taking another deep breath and stepping out of the car, into the bright lights, towards her future and away from Shinichiro.

And with a soft sigh, he got out and followed, always a few steps behind.

[beingawriteriskillingme]

The Secrets Are Out {Shinichiro Sano}

A/n: I am back with another Shinichiro x reader ff that came directly from the book I am writing for him so yeah, enjoy.

Pairings: Shinichiro Sano x f!reader

Warnings: Shinichiro is sick, minor character death, it's kind of sad? Idk I didn't find it sad, kind of suggestive at times

⚠️TOKYO REVENGERS MANGA SPOILERS!⚠️

"Guys, I'm home." You unlocked the front of the house but there was no one in the living room which was quite odd since it was 5 pm and both Emma and Mikey should have returned from Akashi’s house. 

  Without thinking much of it, you walked inside and headed towards Emma’s room to greet the young girl but she wasn’t there either. Your next destination was Mikey’s room, however the young boy was also missing. 

  A bit scared you walked to your and Shinichiro’s room only to find not only Emma and Mikey there but your husband as well. The two kids were hovering over their older brother who was laying on the bed.  

"What's going on?" 

"Big bro isn't feeling well." Mikey said. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, eating dorayaki while Emma was holding Shinichiro's hand. The latter, on the other hand, was being overly dramatic. 

"Do you know what's going on?" Emma asked you clearly worried about her older brother. You looked down at Shinichiro before touching his forehead, only to confirm that his temperature was normal. 

"No." You turned around to leave your bag on the chair of his small desk. "You didn't go to work today?" You asked him.  

"No." Shinichiro coughed, his voice raspy, he was barely speaking. Judging by that, you figured out that your husband had a sore throat and that this had led him to feel sick. 

"Go take a shower while I change the bedsheets." You flicked his forehead and waited for him to stand up. Emma offered to make him some tea but he declined saying that he wanted hot chocolate. Manjiro rolled his eyes and continued eating his snack, refusing to leave his brother's side...even in the bathroom. 

  Not wanting to trouble Emma, you went to the kitchen to prepare four hot chocolates. 

  Christmas had arrived much quicker than you had imagined and upon Emma and Shinichiro’s request, Mikey and you had done your best to decorate the house without making it look like a circus. 

  Since it had started getting darker earlier, you walked over to your Christmas tree and turned on the lights that Emma had placed around it. On your way back to the kitchen, you turned off the living room lights as well as the kitchen ones so a nice atmosphere could warm up the house. 

  Around five minutes later, the hot chocolates were ready and after putting them on a tray, you went back to Shinichiro’s room. And while Mikey and Emma were sitting there quietly looking outside the window at the snow covered yard, Shinichiro kept whining about how this was the end and that he wouldn’t make it out of this cold alive. Obviously you had to reassure him that everything was going to be okay since he didn’t even have a fever.  

"Emma and Mikey are sleeping. How are you feeling Shin?" You closed your bedroom's door and sat next to him on the bed. 

"Kind of better." 

"Good." You picked up your pillow and a blanket and made a move to stand up and leave but he grabbed your arm. 

"I'm not risking getting sick." You giggled, seeing him blowing his snot on a tissue.

"I promise I'm fine." 

"You don't look fine to me." You placed your hand on his forehead again just to see if his temperature was alright. "Shin, you have a fever." You urged him to put a thermometer in his mouth and sure enough, he had a fever. Upon seeing this, Shinichiro began whining again. You giggled at his childish reaction and went to the kitchen to get him something to eat so he could get a painkiller that would thankfully make his temperature drop.

“So…I’m not getting any p-”

“No.” You cut him off before he could say the whole world. 

Once he ate the sandwich you made him, you sat next to him. His room was messy with clothes lying all around the floor, motorbike magazines all over the place and now boxes of painkillers were standing empty on the nightstand.  

“Is everything okay, angel?” 

“Yes, I am just tired.” 

Without saying anything, Shinichiro covered you with his blanket. You stayed there in silence. The only thing that produced any sound in this house was the tv in the living room which judging by the time was most probably used by Shinichiro’s grandfather as background music because the older man was sleeping for sure. Besides, he still taught at the dojo so he was getting tired. 

  You had started getting a bit drowsy from the entire atmosphere when Shinichiro broke the silence. 

“I saw a cool plane figurine at the store the other day.” You turned to look at him in question. His hair was wet on his forehead from the fever and you knew you shouldn’t be this close to him but you didn’t want him to start complaining. “I thought that maybe…I could buy it for Manjiro fr Christmas.” He stopped almost abruptly.

“But?” 

  His eyes were black, you knew that of course but were they always this black? His fist clenched and he sat on the bed like a normal person. Shinichiro’s head was hanging low, looking down at the blue blanket -it didn’t match the colours of his room but it had always been your favourite blanket so of course when you moved in with him you took it with you. 

“Shinichiro?” You asked. Whether he had heard you the first time, you didn’t know. 

“I made that mistake the first time…I don’t want to do it again.” His voice was lower than usual. You saw him reaching at the nightstand beside you for a cigarette but you were too confused by his words to stop him. 

“Have you bought Mikey a model plane before?” You were baffled to say the least. 

“In another timeline, yes.” He responded before placing the cigarette between his lips and lighting it up. “What I am about to tell you…hell you might not even believe me but you ought to know.” You rose from your seat and crawled on the bed and straddled him. 

“Should I be scared?” You took the cigarette from his hand. Shinichiro chuckled and took it back.

“No.” A smile replaced the blank look on his face and his eyes actually lit up. He brushed a few strands of hair off your face and exhaled the smoke after turning his head to his left so the smoke wouldn’t go directly on you. But the light disappeared as soon as it came. “I killed someone.”

  And that was how it all started. 

  You didn’t sleep that night and other than Shinichiro getting up to place Mikey and Emma’s presents under the Christmas tree, you didn’t move either. For the most part it was him talking and you occasionally nodding your head or humming just to show him you were paying attention. 

  It was a long story and by the end you were in pure shock. 

“A time leaper?” You asked. 

“You think I am crazy, don’t you?” He let out a chuckle. “I wouldn’t blame you.”

  A time leaper. That was what Shinichiro told you he was. With no hesitation he had told you everything. How Mikey in the original timeline was technically in a coma because he had fallen down the stairs while playing with a model plane. How he had given up working in the shop in order to take care of him. How Mikey died. How he had killed a homeless man to get powers that would take him back to the past and how he had fixed everything. He told you all of it. 

  If you hadn’t picked up on some of his weird and sometimes extreme behaviour towards Mikey, you and your safety you would have really thought that he was crazy. But there had been times when he would be at the right place at the right time a bit too often. It seemed as if he knew too much but now everything had become clear.

“I…believe you Shin.” You gulped. He raised his eyebrows in question, the cigarette between his lips, long forgotten. He was sweating from his fever that throughout the night had gotten a bit better but was still high and his eyes were red because at some point he had started crying. 

  You got off his lap and stood up to stretch. His eyes followed your figure and he waited patiently for you to sit back down. 

“It’s all fine now though, right?”

“Yes, Shin, you did an excellent job.” You smiled at him.

  You were still confused but were trying not to show it. It was not because of his story but because of that man…the original time leaper. It was a known fact that Shinichiro couldn’t fight and that could be confirmed not only by his gang members but by his siblings and grandfather as well. You could barely imagine Shinichiro killing someone though he had told you that after Mikey’s death in the original timeline he was in a very dark space but how dark was that space? Enough to kill a man? Should he be in prison now? Did he regret doing it? Does that make him dangerous? There were many questions that you wouldn’t dare ask him, not right now at least. 

  As per schedule, Emma entered your room at 7 am ready to inform you about breakfast being ready. Even with you there, she refused to give up her routine of making breakfast for everyone else in the house and would only allow you to cook dinner sometimes. 

“They don't know-” 

“No. Only Haruchiyo knows.” Shinichiro got up from his bed and got dressed. “For the time being let's just not talk about it. It's Christmas, the last thing I want is for their day to be ruined.” You nodded in agreement and also got up from the bed. 

  Mikey and Emma were peacefully eating their breakfast and for a short moment you were scared that they hadn't seen their presents under the tree but with one quick look your assumptions vanished. The wraps scattered all over the floor, boxes all over the place with a few toys laying on the couch. You knew you would have to clean up those later but you didn't mind. The expression on their faces was worth it.

  Shinichiro and you went present shopping last week and bought as many presents as you could for the two kids. But you also bought presents for Izana. Despite the importance of the day, Shinichiro had managed to convince Takeomi to take care of both Mikey and Emma for a short while so he could give Izana his presents. You were planning on going as well but without Emma's help, you were left alone to make tonight's dinner, something that didn't really matter to you but it would have been nice having her along.

  And so that was what happened. Emma and Mikey went to Takeomi's house accompanied by Shinichiro and you began thinking about dinner. Grandpa decided to go out with a friend of his, leaving you alone. 

  During breakfast the only people that talked were obviously Mikey and Emma with their grandpa being a bit too focused on his newspaper and Shinichiro occasionally jumping in the conversation. No one really noticed you weren't talking, something quite convenient since your head was a mess after the conversation you had with Shinichiro. 

  So while you were alone, you obviously cleaned the house and at around 5 pm you began cooking after seeing that the weather was awful since it meant that everyone would be coming home soon. 

  Surprisingly enough, grandpa Sano was the one who picked Mikey and Emma from their friends' house. But judging from the weather and the fact that Shinichiro had left the house without an umbrella, you were more than sure that sooner or later your husband would be back. 

"Finally made it." Grandpa Sano sighed and removed his shoes, letting go of his grandchildren to do their own thing. 

  It had been raining vigorously outside and all weather forecasts were talking about a huge thunderstorm the moment they entered the house. You peeked at the living room where Mikey and Emma were already sitting, watching tv. Grandpa Sano gave you a gentle smile and a pat on the back before walking to the living room to spend time with the kids. 

  You tasted the soup and was ready to wash your hands to go to the living room as well when you heard the sound of keys. You turned around to look at the door which by that time had opened, revealing a soaked Shinichiro. By the look on his face you understood that something had gone horribly wrong during his time with Izana. You gave a quick glance at the kids to make sure they hadn't noticed anything. They were focused on the movie they were watching. You looked back at Shinichiro. 

You hadn’t talked all morning and after all this it felt weird seeing him. Your feelings for him hadn’t changed though. You just found him a bit…strange. How many moments had he re-lived to achieve the perfect future for Mikey and Emma?

“What happened?” You asked him. 

“Izana knows we are not related.”

A/n: listen, I know I messed with the timeline a bit and I am terribly sorry but it turned out pretty good and I wanted to keep it so...

[penrose-quinn]

Green Light | Part Eleven

"You look like you're about to drown," you reasoned as if the closeness needed one, straddling your legs on his lap.

Shinichiro hooked a hand behind your knee, uncertain if he's cradling you to him or if you're lifting him up because he felt as if he's already flung himself from the bridge, six feet deep into rushing water, and you're diving down the river to go after him but somehow, nothing was agonizing when your hand brushed the hairs on his arm, then the vein stretched out like a branch on the bone of his wrist.

He mulled over how you could think that you'd only ever destroyed what you touched. His little finger nudged your knuckle a bit and you curled on him like you're making a promise to be careful with his heart.

pairing: shinichiro sano/gn!reader

content tags: they/them pronounces for reader, but ‘their’ is only used once. childhood friends. angst and hurt/comfort. slice of life ft. gangs. idiots to lovers. old friends trying to reconnect but are being dumbasses about it. they don't deserve the friends to lovers tag because they're stupid and pining. the second part of my sad attempt at writing shinichiro’s backstory but he isn’t a [redacted] here. dysfunctional relationship (for shinichiro and izana). underage smoking and mentions of gang violence. non-explicit sexual content at the end (no gendered terms). tokrev manga spoilers.

a/n: this backstory wouldn’t make a lot of sense if you hadn’t read the first part :’) he isn’t a [redacted] here lol, but i’m still tackling on whatever went on between shinichiro and izana (and everyone else). i won’t accept that he missed out on his adult years in this timeline and simply had to suffer on the other. i’m putting the best of what i could make up and write in this version of his backstory so i very much appreciate every like/reblog/comment this receives!  

m.list ❁ read on ao3 ❁ part 12

There was a time you asked him what he wanted to do someday when he was at the peak of attaining everything.

You were still at the edge of eighteen. Still entangled in each other from the riverbank.

Shinichiro felt a nudge from your socked foot against his leg. Your boot was safeguarded close to his armpit for keeping it away from you. His hair was even mussed-up for it, but he couldn’t recall what the both of you were fighting about earlier ago.

You claimed that you were serious and he shrugged because he had the Black Dragons.

“You’re still planning to be in the gang after high school?”

During that time, it didn’t occur to him that you wouldn’t. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Be real. You can’t keep punching guys and meddling in their unresolved issues forever! It’s unsustainable. You’re more than that, Shin.”

You shook your head in disapproval like Takeomi though he would’ve probably enthused him to keep ruling over Tokyo, be the King.

Takeomi basked in their era like a man who found immortality and you just denounced him for letting the shameless power-trip rot his brain. Shinichiro chuckled, even though you accused him of it too. Called them losers.

You told him you wanted to go to college.

Everyone’s expected to, was what he wanted to say because that’s the least thing any good, grateful child should do for all their parents’ hard-earned labor. He hadn’t visited their grave in awhile. Mused over what flowers to bring them while you meandered on how you’re going to get a job, save up a lot of money to have a place of your own: high-rise studio, spacious room, and a balcony with a nice view of the city. 

Shinichiro didn’t appear like he was listening though his lips fondly tilted up throughout because the sun rose with your voice and he never doubted you.

“You will,” he said finally. He knew because you could see the future.

“Yeah? Well, I don’t know what’s gonna happen to you without me.”

You sounded a little vulnerable. Shinichiro attempted to reach for your wrist but his fingers fiddled around the cold button of your cuff sleeve instead. He didn't want to think about what you actually meant, digressing with a remark that you looked good in the gang uniform, and you just rummaged for his pack and lighter in his pocket with a scoff.

He's lying down on the ground, one leg bent to the other and arms behind his head in the lackadaisical manner where he’s looking forward to a weekend of nothing because he hadn’t really crossed that point where he could have a life untethered to where he was now.

The both of you were still covered in wet grass stains till daybreak, and the world moved on.

How could age stack up like bills, pilling high until it left one bankrupt?

Shinichiro used to count how many stitches he had in a bad scar from a fight. Now, he counted his gains and losses over the years. Learned to budget the good left for himself. The best he could do was work. He had to make this work.

S•S MOTORS used to be a small, forgotten building wedged in the bustling landscape of Shibuya.

There’s the skeleton of an exposed ceiling, water stains on the walls, and a smashed window at the backroom. Shinichiro constantly mulled over if this was worth the loans while toiling himself over wet plaster on cracks. He’s starting from scraps again, though he figured he could be the architect of his future from here and he had a vision unveil itself in the ruins of a building, of the aspirations of a new generation.

Kanda went to see him yesterday. He was with the current president of the Black Dragons.

I want to bring back that place where everyone can belong, Shinichiro-san.

A family, a place to belong; Shinichiro reminisced how much he dreamed to build a home.

Company was divided into strays, regulars, and new customers.

Shinichiro still thought of you, walking in here one of these days.

It felt odd when everyone began to come to terms with your absence – his friends didn't have much to say about you anymore but they hoped you're faring well – and then, perhaps without being deliberate, passed his sentiments over to Seishu to the point the boy had probably ceased to guess what kind of presence you would be in his motor shop.

Seishu stayed in longer than he should, this hovel of scattered hopes and broken machine parts though he liked to watch him work in earnest, digging a hand wrist-deep into an engine as if he could find a damaged, beating heart inside.

He never spoke of that aloud, most of the time he didn’t speak at all, though he never had to tell him what happened to his face or how he's used to people seeing the burn scar before him. Shinichiro just saw a lost boy with raw, torn knuckles.

His thoughts went to Izana, and then back to Seishu, if he had somewhere to return.

He’d wander back in here the next morning.

Seishu opened up that he had a childhood friend who was smarter than him.  

It’s a brief, trusting exchange, though what seemed like one of passing felt more momentous than what it was.

Shinichiro grinned, claiming that it's nice they had something in common. Seishu tilted his head at that before perusing the dead husk of a Suzuki Intruder, eyes frosted over in latent thought. He didn't question him about it like how he would on calmer days, sharing about scuffles and stories rekindled over a freely offered soft drink to soothe the bruises.

There's an irony to Wakasa punctuating on how he shouldn't be feeding the kid with too much sugar. Benkei stepped in the room with him, brandishing a paper bag of meat buns. No one hesitated to bring back the old man misunderstanding to get a rise out of the big guy. Crates shifted together, grating against floorboards, unserious threats, more jeering.

Shinichiro sighed expectantly on how his startup business was diving down into a rowdy one.

There were little, amused blips in Seishu's unaffected expression every time.

Shinichiro asked Seishu if he liked motorcycles.

He shrugged, handing him a torque wrench from the set laid beside him. He’s already familiar of the tools and quick on the uptake with a reserved attentiveness that should’ve been pored more on his studies, though he’s at that rebellious age where he felt like he should be elsewhere than losing himself in the monotony of real life.

Shinichiro understood, remembering a time when his youth had been overbearing, not taken seriously, and full of pent-up, adolescent anger.

Seishu didn’t believe he held that kind of rage, and Shinichiro smiled because you’d probably say otherwise.

Even so, he’d tell him that it’s liberating being true to himself in the same breath he kept bringing up that school was a bit better than his motor shop because he didn’t want the kid to screw himself over a lifetime of stinking in gasoline and grueling manual labor in the future. There’s a lot of options for him, just give it a shot.

Shinichiro had gotten better at enthusing that without being intrusive about it. Or at least that’s his assumption when Ken seemed more motivated attending his classes after having a similar conversation some time ago. He wondered if Seishu might get along with him more than Manjiro. His brother was rather selective on his clique of friends and Haruchiyo devoted being by his side till now.

In the end, Seishu chose the path of a delinquent in the Black Dragons.

Perhaps, that’s better than being alone on the beat-up couch in his shop.

Shinichiro wanted to be one with static, to be pointless for a moment, even when no one’s going to come looking for him at 3 a.m.

All the lights were down, spilling in the syncopations of the city and the tired wheeze of his heater, though he turned it off a minute ago because he’s saving up for this month's electric bill. His bones creaked from his neck, oily with sweat and Tiger Balm, but somehow, it felt like his spine splintered in half. He’s already fatigued from figuring his shit out and he’s not even in his forties yet.

Was it weird he couldn’t imagine what you’d look like at twenty? He’d been losing inspiration lately. He didn’t want to dump it on you, though sometimes, he hated thinking of you like that to the point he wished he choked on his beer and let it all fizzle away.

Manjiro called him out for moping. Shinichiro threw back that he’s a brat. His brother recognized your tone in him and the question withered inside his mouth. Benkei and Wakasa only shared a pensive glance after he recounted it at the bar. He's out of the loop between them and they didn't make him feel better for it unlike Takeomi, who slurred out that he wouldn't be so miserable if he just got over you, tactlessly well-intentioned and unafraid of speaking out his mind in all the ways asshole friends did to show they cared.

Benkei excused it as one of his drunken tirades again because they were aware how Takeomi had been spiraling from his life, and although Benkei was looking out for them, the reassurance was painfully needless. Shinichiro could see it in Wakasa's quiet, apologetic gaze.

They formed a gang. Had skipped school to smoke his first joint in the garage, swore that they had each other’s back since the hot blaze of their teenage years. So Shinichiro pondered how long Wakasa had eyes like that, or perhaps he just hadn't noticed them in awhile because he hadn't hung out with everyone as much when time became scarce and life kept getting in the way.

Then his hand clenched into a fist as he reached for his phone. The shape wasn't right and there's a coldness to the cell on his palm. Right, he lost his old one weeks ago. What's your number again? Didn't you change your email a year after you moved?

Regret twinged in his chest when Shinichiro couldn't greet you on your birthday today, reminiscing on waking to your message last August when you asked him what it felt like to finally be an adult, tagged after a found your soulmate yet?

He’s still sad and single. Instead of a retort, you responded back that it's okay when the both of you could just be sad and single together.

It sucked that he couldn't ask how you were though buried at the farthest place of his mind, he wondered if you'd even reply.

Shinichiro wanted to tell you that he fell in love again though the one who already got sick of his heartbreak was Izana.

He wasn’t sure how to confide about their sister having a crush with that attitude. He figured that out when she began to reinvent herself in small, subtle ways: a new hairstyle, a song she never liked or listened to before. There were the long, fawning looks, but they lingered more in the after-school daydreams, tucked like a lock of hair behind the ear for her earring to twinkle and catch someone’s eye.

Nothing’s working to her favor yet. He could tell from the way her fingers played with her hair a lot more nowadays because she'd rather braid her feelings than confess, whoever it was.

A symptom of unrequited love, or at least that’s what he assumed it was for needing to fill the hunger with the shy hope of tying wishes on a bamboo branch on Tanabata. Manjiro would rather drag Ken to the food booths than dress in a summer yukata with her and Shinichiro had to rummage his in the old closet.

It’s patterned with waves but his mother had described how the seigaiha looked more like dragon scales against a sea of stormy, black cotton. It’s the same one with two holes at the bottom hem; the one that riveted a woman with two moles under her lip, meeting in line of a takoyaki stall. Because Manjiro wanted a bit of everything, Shinichiro ordered the one with assorted flavors and she had hers with mozzarella. A greasy smear of it on the corner of her mouth made her smile more charming, remarking how endearing it was that he’d accompany his sister in a yukata.

Shinichiro offered to buy her a candied strawberry for making his brother pull a face once she drizzled a packet of hot sauce all over her food, though really, he’s stalling for time so he could talk to her some more.

Hoshiko took a sweet bite of his sincerity and told him that she’s got all night. They would surprise themselves for having a mutual friend from Gareji Yago. She loved his sense of humor. He blurted out that her laugh sounded like magic, which had his siblings stupidly reenacting the exchange over the dining table for a month.

They swapped numbers anyway. It’s almost like a call for destiny until it wasn’t.

Shinichiro supposed the retrospection might be worth passing along in his letters.

It'd been the only consistent thing between him and Izana when he wasn't allowed to visit and his sentence was further extended for misconduct. He had to ask Benkei the other day what his experience in juvie had been like, and with a dark somberness in his gaze, he never forgot how no one really came out of there being the same person.

Shinichiro would let Izana be who he wanted to be, but he was still his little brother.

There’s nothing in the world that could change that.

Shinichiro was eleven when his father asked him if he’d like to have another sibling.

It was one of those countless nights his father missed out on dinner, though Shinichiro would pull out his food from the fridge and reheat it for him in the microwave. Leftovers always made his mother sad.  

He didn't quite comprehend the implication of his father's words yet, and one day he’d grow to harbor the sorrow, unwantedness, and pained resentment he never had in him, bursting from his fists like all boys did. Conflict had never been forgiving to his mother, but she would end up loving Emma and his father, regardless.

Shinichiro would ask a similar question to Manjiro years later, and a vestige of their mother lifted up his lips, sticky with the red bean paste of his taiyaki. His heart found ease from the sweet acceptance of his smile.

“Yeah, I'll definitely love him.”

Once Izana was out of juvie, they rode to a harbor in Shinisogocho.

He liked the sea best; a kingdom of star-studded waves, city lights. The vastness enthralled him, a kind of true calling to potential.

Shinichiro believed Izana was capable of many things so he filled the boy with dreams that couldn’t be bound in the legacy of a house. Manjiro had birthright, but Izana would always have freedom.

Either way, his siblings were meant to flourish. They’re his pride. That’s all Shinichiro could ever ask for.

There’s so much salt in the air that he lit a cigarette, blowing smoke like the distant beacon of a lighthouse – a warning.

No one ever told him that nicotine shouldn’t be something he was supposed to crave – he didn’t mean to poison you the way he did – though he would to his brother back then and it spared him a few more years until he could flicker one by himself on the same harbor, the same shade of night. Someday, the Black Dragon embroidered on his back.

Manjiro graduated from elementary around the time Izana was released though he remained disinclined to ask anything about Manjiro succeeding him in the gang.

In the silence between them, Shinichiro mentioned their sister instead. “Emma’s doing well. She got into fortune telling pretty recently, can you believe that? I still don’t get what’s all the fuss about horoscopes.” Shinichiro chuckled but it wasn’t shared. His brother almost looked dazed, out of touch. Out of reach.

“Her cooking is way better than mine. Maybe, you should try it sometime . . .”

The murmur of waves, ashes dropping. Izana languished on a long drag of his cigarette.

“Come have dinner with us,” Shinichiro tried.

His plea was lost to Izana, a shiny bottle adrift in the ocean, as he let another second pass and told him no.

By the time midsummer ended, Izana had turned fourteen; jarringly, grown into his limbs, about his shoulder blade’s height now, grown impatient when he made the major life decision to run away from the orphanage, screw the system.

All the risk-taking only brought tremendous frustration on Shinichiro because Izana didn’t even consult him about it. Contended with him on his questionable choices. That he’s secure with his underground connections, that he already managed to get himself a contract to an apartment somewhere within the realm of Black Dragons territory, not too far from the motor shop so he could visit him. Why can’t you just see that I’m taking responsibility for myself when you won’t—

Shinichiro wasn’t sure what kind of face he was making that broke off the conversation there. The silence stagnated further, and Izana must’ve been more shattered over their argument than he was. It left them irreparable for a night.

The first to make amends was Shinichiro, laying down his pride to atone, truly atone, and perhaps, the act was disarming to Izana.

Shinichiro had never seen him so distressed, and Izana believed him when his big brother said that he’s just worried for him, addressing that he’s right because he should’ve done something sooner.

Yet they didn’t live under one roof.

The implicitness of their bond had become complicated with the self-awareness. They still drank their weight on soda while rock songs hovered over them for the nostalgia trip, the ballad of their routine in the late, sun-glazed afternoon. They even liked their curry the same way. Medium spicy, the kind of heat Manjiro wouldn't appreciate in his mouth. There’s an eyeroll to every joke that didn’t land, the sneaking upturn of lips, the silver lining.

Some of his customers greeted Izana when he entered the shop. They didn’t refer to him when they spoke to Shinichiro about his brother. Izana stopped styling his hair up like Shinichiro one day, and everyone would look out for the autumn moon swaying beneath his ears, the sharp, wicked wit.

Shinichiro would gladly tune-up his motorcycle for free, asking him how’s he been doing lately. Izana wouldn’t bring up school or Emma, though he would about the gang and his ambitions for it. Shinichiro nodded to his every word, as if they’re talking about music or their latest excursion. He reminisced of their stroll at Tsukuda Bridge months ago, the river underneath evening-black and murky like the waves in Manila Bay.

There’s always an urge to drown somewhere in those depths, secrets and more secrets.

For the longest time, Shinichiro lacked the awareness that people puzzled over him until you'd say so someday, and in his reflections, being seen by you felt as if he'd been transparent enough.

Though perhaps, it hadn't always been like that because in needing to be closer, Izana fiercely searched for something in Shinichiro, imploring in the way he only knew how, and then return every other day, looking harsher than last time, hurting more than last time. He blamed himself for it too – everything’s wrong ‘cause of me – and Shinichiro wished he didn’t punish himself for existing, gently dressing the wounds with words and antiseptic.

“You’re my little brother. Nothing about you is wrong to me.”     

Izana came to him with the storm on his back.

Shinichiro had never been scared of lightning but he was from the truth in Izana's eyes. He knew the question before it could be asked and he didn't deny it.

Retribution had never felt so fast and unrepentant by his fist. It's all what he's taught him and more, self-defense.

On the ground, his head throbbed and Shinichiro still had a full set of teeth, a rasp to remind him that blood-related or not, nothing will change between us, all right? Izana held back on his punch and Shinichiro wasn't pretending to be tough by staying still for another.

He's just resigned in all the ways guilt could cripple a man, seeing his little brother bleed for the wrong, wretched reasons. It's not your fault, he wanted to say, but to reach out meant ruining him and he couldn't bring him the happiness that could take him away from that hell.

There's a despondence on the bite of Izana’s voice, a wavering, anguished sound.

"I never want to see you again."

Shinichiro thought he saw you.

“What happened to you?”

“. . . I had a fight with my little brother.”

Sympathy made Akemi’s gaze softer when she brought him at her place to tend to his wounds at a tragic time.

Shinichiro wondered if sisters were just always like that. They would glare at you like you were a nuisance but would help you clean up after your mess anyway.

Emma never outgrew it. She did a lot of the housework nowadays and she knew exactly where to find the medical box, hauling it out from the bathroom cupboard under the sink with a sigh. She’s careful with the antiseptic because she knew how it stung and she didn’t understand why boys were the way they were, railing on how useless her brothers were. Can’t even cook their eggs how they want it made, or something like that.

Then he mulled over your sister, the way she swabbed the graze on his chin, and from this proximity, he traced out the part of her hair, her cheekbones, and then so clearly this time, her eyes in both shape and sentiment, how she looked more like you.

Sometimes, it’s staggering how he didn't know Akemi as much as he knew you.

He grew up trying to impress her by balancing himself atop the jungle gym, admiring her as an adult when she was hardly one herself who was just learning how to apply makeup to conceal the deeper insecurities at fifteen, to become more feminine to appeal to guys who weren’t worth all the emotional damage. She still wore mascara, the drugstore kind that clumped around her eyelashes, but he realized the mature lines under them suited her more.

His shoulders ached in understanding, about what it felt like to be heaped with all this responsibility you never asked for.   

Perhaps, there’s a special kinship they could seek out in each other but he felt really stupid for seeing her now.

“I was so busy with everything else that I can’t help but feel like I neglected their feelings, what’s really hurting inside . . .”

Akemi serenely watched her daughter from the window. Keiko was in her yellow raincoat and sneakers, splashing on puddles from her dash to the maid café with a friend, and Akemi reminisced of you and her, muddy with youth and growing pains. Yours was so quiet and violent that it almost scared her. Shinichiro remembered that part too, raw like the scabs on your knuckles; remembered the threats and slurs they called her just to get a rise out of you; remembered most of them where from rival gangs that went against Seisaku.

You told him that all you ever saw was red and he didn't stop you for lashing out to her defense. He even fought alongside you.

Though having witnessed that side of you, Akemi recounted that she wound up yelling that you were acting like your brother. Her regret settled deep in her womb and you felt a little farther from her ever since. It wasn't like the both of you never reconciled and you would even claim now that she was just a teenager at the time.

“Siblings fight for a lot of reasons,” she said, but she also hurt you. Sometimes, she feared she might not have the opportunity to know you anymore because of it. Her eyes wandered wistfully to the window again. “I miss the both of them . . .”

Then she sighed, looking back at him. “I hope it gets better with your little brother.”

Shinichiro didn’t know what to say but it throbbed where it should, burning on his throat with remorse. I hurt him.

Akemi poured his cup again as if to fill in the silence with consolation and a meek hope that it’s never too late to reach out.

"You're not a bad person, Shinichiro-kun."

He drank his tea, tasting of tears.

"I'm a terrible big brother."

Shinichiro said it a second time to himself.

The world was cleansed by the rain, but his memories never absolved him.

He went home late that time, and they would ask him why he's bleeding. He would tell them he's fine and it would be like that for days. Something always festered in his silence.

The moment Izana stopped coming back to the motor shop so did Seishu.

Perhaps, this was what it’s like to mourn for the living.

Learning to cope with the hollowness in him that haunted the spaces of his room, filled with their shadows that had grown farther in the Black Dragons. Most would say the gang changed for the worse, gradually being embroiled in all criminal dealings, drugs and blood money.  An elderly storekeeper was stabbed from the gang's aggressions. He died before he could reach the hospital and it was all over the headlines that morning.

It's enough to provoke Benkei to demand a reason for letting it happen, and while Wakasa had stood between them, he matched his partner more in his solemn, self-contained fury. There's a glimpse of the legendary gang leaders that divided Kanto in half in the confrontation. When it came to legacy, their outrage was justified for sacrificing it all for him. Takeomi watched them until he felt the need to intervene because Shinichiro wasn't as upset as he should.

This wasn't their generation anymore, and the successors after the eighth weren't any better when they carried the inherent spirit of vindictiveness.

One of Manjiro's friends would be a victim to this, and his little brother would ask him one day to put an end to it with Toman, dressed in black and gold as to honor what Shinichiro and his friends had striven to become a long time ago.

Black Dragons had always been meant to be led by his brothers.

Shinichiro contemplated if Izana could make a home from the ashes of another and Manjiro was there to pick at its bones. He just wished he could do more for Seishu, attempting to save a semblance of it in the scarcity. He understood what all of this meant to him and why he couldn't seem to visit when he was in a coma for two weeks. The motor shop was closed far longer and he was concerned if there's a place out there for him.

The last time Shinichiro had heard of him was when he was still struggling in physical therapy. Seishu was recently released from juvie by then, following a different tyrant in the Black Dragons. He wasn't alone in the gang, and Shinichiro supposed with his old friend beside him, they could figure something out of the madness. Perhaps, there was hope if they remained together.

In the midst of things, Shinichiro couldn't really do much, fearing to cause more damage than what's done and living through the rest of it than just staying dead. 

“Do Mikey and Emma know?” you asked, hauling him back to you.

“After the accident in the shop, I told them everything. Figured I should, knowing it could be my last . . . Emma first, then Manjiro.”

Because it'd taken him surgery and a span of years to tell her the truth about Izana.

“It's unfair.” Emma shed a tear that day, crumpling in distress that made him want to scoop her up like she’s four, cooing softly, no, there are no monsters under your bed and your mother didn’t hate you.

He was petrified as she still sat there, hands clutching the skirt of her school uniform like how Izana would onto impossibly good, hopeful things.

"But you're my big brother too," she said before wiping her face and walking out of the room.

Shinichiro would still apologize to her, even though Emma never really stopped visiting him in the hospital with either Manjiro or Grandpa around.

The only time she did by herself was when they had an actual conversation without Manjiro's presence quelling her into a sense of peace and with a hum, recounted that she didn't know how to react when he reached her a bowl of red rice for breakfast weeks ago.

She panicked and got her first period on the day prior so she mistook it as a disgusting joke. Manjiro didn't even snicker. Shinichiro had little understanding on the tradition, expecting she'd be more knowledgeable about it than him, as he regretfully explained this to her. He forgot himself again with the shadow of a slight stubble, lending him a sad, sleazy look. He looked older too, and Emma chuckled softly at the memory. Old enough to be her father . . .

Because apparently parents cooked red rice for their daughters once they hit puberty, attempted to know what napkin to buy for them even if it's the wrong brand, console them from breakouts when they started flaring up like a disease.

It's the sort of stuff Emma had heard from the girls in class complain about because they didn't realize what they had, what she coveted for herself. No one was ever prepared when she came into their lives. She had two mothers but the both of them couldn't stay like her father, whoever he was.

Shinichiro and Emma ended up sniffling their emotions after that.

“Do you want to see Izana?” Shinichiro asked, but he knew.

Emma carried a certain poignance in her gaze. Abandonment could only mature her in such way.

She couldn’t look at him for the answer. Her lip wobbled. “Does he still want to see me?”

"Did you reach out to him?" 

"I want to," Shinichiro said it as if it’d been unheard for a long time, and all he could do was stare passively at tall, decades-old towers within Marunouchi, the road ahead of him, and nothing. "But I’m not sure what’ll happen if I see him again. The last time was . . ."

He hesitated. Opened his mouth and closed it again, feeling exposed all over even when something locked tight in his throat.

The words wouldn’t come out like they should. He hadn’t spoken about this to anyone for two years, but the rift was almost nonexistent. Regret lingered like it’s just yesterday. He worked his jaw some more, and the ache pulsed where Izana hit him.

Shinichiro often dwelt of a different time when things didn't have to be so broken and he would make the right choices. His siblings never had to be separated and they could just be kids lounging around to watch show reruns on the TV than do homework, sharing a childhood of being ordered around and overfed with greasy kushiage by their grandfather. Maybe, they would measure the other's height against the doorframe with a Pilot marker. Shinichiro would have to scold them for vandalizing though he fondly wouldn't remove their scribbled names over the years until they could work with him in the shop or move out to come into their own. It couldn't be perfect because he couldn’t live up to what a parent could offer but he hoped it'd be enough for him provide them a home where they could laugh and love over the table, throw stupid tantrums, weep loud, grow and make mistakes.

But never like the ones he had committed.

"Izana wasn't a mistake." Shinichiro knew this in his heart. "Everything I did was . . . right?"

He waited for you to challenge him. Tell him where he's wrong and amend. There wasn't a time you hadn't because you loved him enough to tell him about himself so he called out your name and you inhaled, slow and pensive, as your hand reached up to fold a strand of hair behind your ear, the other still entwined with his.

“I feel bad for Izana. He doesn't deserve that,” you told him as your thumb traced his open, trembling palm. His ring on you was warm from your skin. “I feel bad for you too. For agonizing about this for so long.”

The inflections of your voice were pained and conflicted, admitting that to him. “Look, I don’t think I could speak for him. I don’t know him, not like you do. But what you did, keeping something important like that, wouldn’t it have hurt less if you just told him earlier?”

“I figured there was probably a right time to tell him, but then things got out of hand so suddenly,” and he hated it so much; how it brought back the memory of his mother on her deathbed, not knowing when things would get better, not knowing where to place all his despair and indignation to the world but in himself. “He’d been through so much, and I didn’t know what to do . . .”

“I wouldn’t know either.” You gave his hand a firm squeeze. “I know you’re just trying to help, Shin. You care about him. I used to proofread your letters, remember? You wrote to him like you grew up with him. I always thought it was sweet, the way you asked about his day and went on about yours, how you welcomed him in it. Emma would know.”

Shinichiro rubbed his eye. He already sounded congested when he spoke up, feeling even more pathetic.

“I kept her from him too.”

“Why did you?”

“It'd hurt her, if she knew her brothers wouldn’t get along.” Emma was too young to undergo through a lot with the changes and losses in her life. “If they fought . . .”

A pause, then a sigh rolled off your lips. “Wouldn’t have made a difference if she couldn’t see him anymore.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I feel like I should. I'm just," he trailed off, head hanging low because his frustration was spilling from his eyes and—

You gently pulled his chin to you. “You don’t have to, not with me,” you reminded him, catching tears before they fell with the pad of your thumb, "all right?"

Shinichiro nodded. There were wet blotches on your cuff sleeve for brushing it under his nose because none of you brought a handkerchief so you figured this would do. A bit of him stained you and you didn't mind.

You told him to breathe, and he realized what he'd been holding inside for awhile before letting it out.

"I . . . I didn't have the best relationship with my big brother either. Held a grudge for so long that I thought I'd die hating him, but it doesn't matter now. Being upset of your ghosts," you drifted for a moment with a murky emotion he couldn't name.

A bus stopped by; the passengers stepping out in worn, clear umbrellas. You couldn't see them, blinking vacantly, as you went on.

"You’re not a terrible big brother. You're not a perfect one either, but no one is, I think. You did get to know Izana. You were there for him before he even became a delinquent. You never owed him anything, weren't even blood-related. Sure, you're both complicated, maybe bonded over that and something more, and expected things that aren't aligning to what you want. It would've been better if you didn't keep so much of who is from him, but I'm not gonna beat you up to what already happened. I think you should just move on."

Shinichiro said your name, unsure if it's to protest or to process what you're saying.

"He won't see you, Shin," you reminded him. "It's the most closure you could get right now, unless he changes his mind."

He sighed, letting it sink. "You're right . . ."

"I know it's hard." Then you glanced back at him. There’s something poignant about your eyes. "You still love him, huh."

“Yeah,” was his answer. But . . .

“Your big brother,” Shinichiro started, “did he ever come back for you?”

“He can’t,” you fell back on his shoulder. “He died a year ago.”

Somehow, the two of you were in your house.

You told him it wasn't much of a home without your sister or her family.

Shinichiro contemplated how you would’ve lurked deeper into the emptiness for days had he not asked you to stay at his place.

Sleeves rolled up to your forearms, you ran him a hot bath. He threw back that you should go in first. You insisted that he should after hearing him sneeze awhile ago, despite his efforts to muffle it down his elbow.

The both of you remained stubborn and indecisive about it until you proposed that you join him in the tub instead.

Shinichiro had seen you nude before – perhaps not quite enough the first time – and it wasn't like the thought of your bare skin never crossed his mind. It's just that you're always covered-up, swaddled in layers that it's perplexing to him what it's like to look at you naked.

He remembered how you would cage yourself around your arms because you felt too sensitive out in the open. You didn’t like it when your nipples got hard, when the old scars jagged along your body as mementos of survival and belligerent adolescence. He still chanced on stealing a glance at your tattoo; dark and intricate, coiled around your leg like a tether. It's the part of you that remained unchanged.

He hoped for it. The desire was selfish and ruthless and all-consuming that it could be its own dragon.

You weren't one for bold statements though he couldn't help but contemplate how you carried it with you under your suit after all these years. Contemplated how the needle must've hurt, the social repercussions even more so, stung with blood and loyalty, though you were intrepid through and through.

Warmth bloomed in his chest. It wasn't the sweltering heat from the bathwater, but the realization rippling out of him the moment you dipped into the tub, both of your bare legs rubbing underneath, squeezed into a different brand of intimacy: curated perfectly for couples, couples who were at that awkward, fragile verge of discovering each other without breaking apart from their gazes.

"Can you come closer?" he asked. "You look faraway from the other side of the tub."

Then you came to him like a wave. Everything about you washed over him, sudden and all at once.

"You look like you're about to drown," you reasoned as if the closeness needed one, straddling your legs on his lap.

Shinichiro hooked a hand at the back of your knee, uncertain if he's cradling you to him or if you're lifting him up because he felt as if he's already flung himself from the bridge, six feet deep into rushing water, and you're diving down the river to go after him but somehow, nothing was agonizing when your hand brushed the hairs on his arm, then the vein stretched out like a branch on the bone of his wrist.

He mulled over how you could think that you'd only ever destroyed what you touched. His little finger nudged your knuckle a bit and you curled on him like you're making a promise to be careful with his heart.

You glanced at him under your dewy eyelashes, and when he asked if you hated him, you shook your head and leaned forward to embrace, your hair clinging like arteries on his damp chest, as you let him perch on your shoulder, his lips memorizing a freckle.

Shinichiro thought of the tattoo again, wondering if this was what it's like getting himself etched into your skin.

“How could you ask that, Shin?” you whispered back.

“I guess I’m just afraid.”

Despite his insistence to stay, you asked him to just wait for you in your bedroom, assuring him that it wouldn’t take long for you to collect his clothes from the dryer. He didn't turn on the lights and wearily dove into your covers, wet skin soaking through sheets, though he figured he smelled like you anyway as if that's enough to compensate for sprawling himself out naked and defenseless.

You found him like this later, clothes dumped on the dresser, towel discarded, as you climbed on top of him with the kind of languid grace that bordered to a sweet slowburn but he could tell that it's taking so much from you to not fuck him right there.

His hand was on your cheek, outstretched like he's still reaching for the moon, but it's just you and you're too considerate of him, placing a kiss on his palm. You didn't quite realize how much he felt like a beggar in that moment.

“I'll help you, if you let me.”

What he wanted to say was maybe, you should help yourself, then he'd laugh a little when the aggravation would chip away at you and he'd have to kiss it all better, or worse, didn’t matter which. He nodded. He needed you as your bodies met dripping, somewhere in the rain again, and your hair was akin to something like one and all the tangle of wild, disheveled emotions that hid the both of you from the world. 

"Your big sister wouldn't like you smoking in your room."

"You think I care about what she thinks with what I do in my room?"

"Yeah. A lot." Shinichiro peered at you from your pillow.

"That didn't stop us, though," you said after igniting your cigarette with his lighter.

His eyes watched the tendril of smoke lick up your jaw and the curve of your ear, studded with piercings. You forgot to remove them from the bath so he did it for you when he swept back your hair and you craned your head to him, sheets rustling below your bare waists in the shadow of early twilight.

He left the studs atop the dresser, losing relevance to him once he heard his name and you eclipsed everything, coaxing him to lie down on his back with a hand on his chest. Then a gentle stroke from his brow, a gentler coo, "are you feeling better?"  

Shinichiro closed his eyes and let himself drift from the pads of your fingers. The answer wasn't easy to read. He wanted you to ponder over him in circles. He's a lot needier when you granted him a reason to, but yes, he was feeling a bit better. Perhaps, you made him feel more that he'd draw your lips to him and suck the smoke inside your lungs to taint himself with the taste of your melancholia. Nicotine spared none of you from it.

"She's right, you know. Maybe you should stop smoking," he sighed out, a thread of smoke between breaths, his and yours.

"Stop talking about her," and the truth was he'd rather not talk about her at all, slipping his tongue in your mouth for a deeper conversation, one without words or pretense. Or the comfortable lies he’d tell himself to sleep and burn off with a cigarette in the morning.

The smolder of you turned him into a more honest man, even though his affections for you hadn't been a secret.

"I'll only stop when you do," you whispered.

Like that, you ended a conversation in the way you ended a fight.

You rendered him at a loss for words though he wasn't seeking to win and from a languorous stretch of movement, he reached you the ashtray himself. Then he smiled and remembered how it's so garish with the banana patterns on the dish that it stuck out in your room but you didn't mind purchasing it from the 100 Yen shop the other day, even though you didn't like to smoke here alone.

Something in the ashes would glow when extinguished; both of your fingers touching before you stole the ash tray from him and placed it somewhere on the floor, your outstretched arm shivering out goosebumps from the draft.

There's a small trickle from the windowsill puddling on the floor but you'd rather leave it like that than shut off everything again.

It's so quiet it hurts, so you had opened the window like a wound and the world wept.

A childhood framed in a window. The sole one you’d been gazing on for years, confessing that you didn’t really miss this room after you moved in and he wanted to ask you about it but faltered once your eyes fluttered shut, enjoying each other's presence in the cadence of the rain, awake.

It wasn’t a drowsy spell for you like how it was to him. Shinichiro had learned to adapt to the odd, irregular hours you slept, not quite meeting the other in time, even as it stood still the moment you overlapped him, a wave of warm, urging motion, and he was swimming in lazy endorphins as you spread out the comforter over the both of you, feet covered.

You didn't quite feel like a dream, achingly real and open like a door to this domicile that had been the size of your bodies.

Maybe you wouldn't believe him if he promised you that things would stay like this for the rest of your lives.

But he told you anyway, "I love you."

Exposition Corner:    

[1] Tanabata: a Japanese festival celebrated in the summertime as to commemorate the story of the two star-crossed lovers Orihime and Hikoboshi, who are only allowed to meet each other once a year as long as the skies are clear. A popular custom in Tanabata is writing wishes in a piece of colored paper (tanzaku) and hanging them on a bamboo branch.

[2] Segaiha: a wave pattern of layered concentric circles creating arches, symbolic of waves or water representing surges of good luck. It can also signify power and resilience. 

[3] Gareji Yago: this was actually the motor shop were Shinichiro worked at in the original timeline, and what I’m assuming before he got his shop (if Mikey’s accident didn’t happen). In here, I’m using this as the shop that’s owned by Yoneda, his boss/mentor I’ve referenced in the Bright Light series. 

[4] “[…] if Izana could make a home from the ashes of another and Manjiro was there to pick at its bones”: a reference to Kotsuage, a Japanese funeral ritual wherein family members gather around and pick up the bones of a deceased loved one together using special long chopsticks after the body is cremated. 

[5] “Because apparently parents cooked red rice for their daughters once they hit puberty […]”: to clarify, O-Sekihan, or red-colored rice cooked with Azuki beans, is usually prepared and eaten during auspicious occasions like New Year’s day or Coming-of-Age day. Regarding cooking red rice when a girl has her first period, it’s to celebrate puberty and there are some regions in Japan that still do it but serving sekihan isn’t as common for that as it is in festive celebrations.

In the context of the scene, please don’t think the red color of the rice is meant to represent period lol. It’s Emma misunderstanding it as a stupid joke and Shinichiro not being very good at explaining himself and being a bit misinformed (but he did what he did with well-meaning intentions!). 

[6] I love you: So Shinichiro actually said the unspeakable aishiteru [ 愛してる ], not to confuse it with daisuki [ 大好き ] which is more commonly used in confessing one's love (romantically) in Japanese. For my Non-Japanese speakers, this is just my tl;dr of these references [1] and [2] so I’ll try my best summarizing them!

Aishiteru does mean “I love you” but literally, it translates to “[I] am loving [you]”. 

“Loving” is written in the present continuous て-form as to emphasize the ongoing (ever-lasting) state of the feelings. It’s an expression to convey a serious and profound love that is only used in long-term relationships with a spouse and in rare, emotional occasions such as getting married or when someone is on their deathbed. It’s also hardly spoken to each other.

For cultural context, the Japanese are more reserved with their feelings. There are also many ways to express love but most of them are nonverbal. Conveying it isn’t usually spoken but rather acted on. The gist of it being the love for one another is mutually understood through actions and attentiveness without explicitly stating it.

Now with that said, I’ll leave how Shinichiro throwing the hard L-bomb at MC to everyone’s interpretation. (I’d actually love to read all of your thoughts on it if you’d like to share them with me! <3).

a/n: god, I really hope the way I write shinichiro's decisions and emotional trauma makes sense. no, nothing is resolved here. shin and izana (as well as inui) are still in non-speaking terms :’((((

part ten ❁ m.list ❁ part twelve 

[sh1nch1r0]

𝕭𝖆𝖇𝖞

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Shinchiro x Reader

Part (2/2)

After u told him u were pregnant Shin immediately goes into Dad Mode,hes also very protective of you and watches every step that u do around the house….both of u can’t wait to meet ur baby

Tw:Child birth,Complications,Angst,Many Pregnancy and Medical Terms,Birth,Shinchiro beeing a Dad😭🥹

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U heard Shins car pulling into the driveway of ur home as u were sitting on the couch reading a Parenting Book that he had bought a couple of weeks ago.It was so sweet watching him go into Dad Mode,he not only buys parenting books,he also read that if u hold up the Belly of a pregnant person that it reliefs their back cause Babys can get heavy.He did that ever time u cooked or bushed ur teeth cause then he could feel ur tense and exhausted body relaxing against his own.

4 Months have passed since u told him and ur belly grew bigger and heavier by the day,u also had less energy and swollen feet that hurt and cramped a lot so on some days u could barely get up from ur shared bed or the Couch.And unfortunately today was one of these Days.

The Door unlocked and u heard Shins voice in the Hall shouting ur Name and that he was home.He expected u to run into his arms but as u didn’t he was concerned,he finished putting of his shoes and getting into his comfy house slippers.He then rushed into the Living Room where u were.

“Hey Honey how was work?” u asked and sat up a bit straighter,only to be met with not only back pain but also a cramp in your leg which made u hiss in pain.

“Is everything alright?” he asks concerned and sits at the end of the couch.

“My feet are killing me and my back to…” u whine and u lay ur head down on the arm rest.Beeing Pregnant was not easy you knew that but being that exhausted and in pain all the time was blowing ur expectations.

“Can i help i any way Love” your Husband asks and leans forward to put a hand on your Belly.

“No but thanks,i did not make dinner today or i couldn’t make any cause i am trapped on this couch” Shin could hear the disappointment in ur Voice,he knew that u thought it was ur duty to clean and cook and do house work cause he was Working his ass of to pay the bills.Never in a million years would he expect anything from you he lived alone before and hey he was still living and thriving he knew how to handle a household on his own.

“Honey i will make us dinner,and please dont feel guilty for not doing anything cause u are already doing so much for me”he says and presses a kiss against ur forehead.

“What am i doing for your right now?” u ask him cause the only thing u did today or since u were on maternity leave was getting dressed,making breakfast when u could and sitting around till ur pain was better and that was never ur were always in pain the last two months.

“U are growing a Human from scratch that is what ur doing Love,u don’t need to do anything around here i will do it okay.U should rest and relax”he says with a serious look on his face.

“But i am your wife i should help my husband out,i mean u pay for everything”you say and look at him with a sad and disappointed expression.

“U are my Wife.Not my mum.My mom cooked for me washed my clothes and stuff okay.And u are my Wife u are the love of my life for gods sake u should not feel forced to do stuff like that i can do it myself,if u want to do these things fine but never do it cause u should as a Wife” this man will be the death of u he was so understanding and sweet all the time that you would marry him again any day.

U gave him a thankful look and he was off to change before he cooked both of u dinner.

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U tought the Days were the worst part and that everything will be better at night u were so wrong.Not only did ur body hurt like shit ur Baby also kicked u every chance he or she got.It hurt but it was also a sign that there was a life growing inside of you but this life could also be a little bit gentle with the person that was living on the outside you tought.

And so u were awake at 3 in the Morning kicking the cover off of u cause u were too hot and the other moment to cold.And to not wake up Shin who had to get up earlier than he usually does cause Mikeys Racing Team needed new bikes and stuff u wandered off into the nursery.

It was painted in neutral colours cause u did not know the gender yet the crib was built and the Chainging table and a Rocking Chair.U smiled at the thought of Ur Husband brining home this Chair u had voiced to him that u wanted a rocking Chair in the Nursery to read Books to ur baby and he got u a beautiful one with a pattern that matches the colours.

In the next weeks both of u would find out the gender of the Baby both of u did bot care about the gender of the baby “at least our Baby is healthy and happy” Shin always said when u asked him if he wanted a Girl or a Boy.But u knew that Shinchiro wanted a Girl just like Draken and Emma.

Emma had told u that she thinks that its a Girl cause “girls steal away their mother beauty” .Which u could not believe cause Emma was Glowing her entire pregnancy and she gave birth to a Girl.But u lost ur glow the past few months which made u a bit self conscious and sad.But ur Sister in Law always reminded u that u were Beautiful and Perfect and that there was a Baby growing under ur heart and that ur Body was working overtime.She also said that the “Pregnancy Glow” faded away after the 4th Month and that some Women just not have it or they experience it at the end of their Journey.

“Just imagine Me ur Dad and you sitting here playing something with you or reading…” u whisper to ur belly and the baby kicked u as if it could understand you.

“I see you agree my little one..” u say and put a hand on your belly and u felt another kick.The kicks always reminded u of the Moment when ur Husband felt the first kick of ur child.

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The Evening was hot and it started to rain when u and ur lover sat down at the couch he was sitting behind u and held ur belly gently.The feeling of his body against urs was a familiar one and one that made ur soul feel at home.

U both just sat there in peace the only sound was ur synchrone Breathing and the Rain from outside.But then u felt a sudden kick it was a light one but u felt it.

« Did u feel that too » he whispers from behind you.

« Yes our baby kicked me »u whisper back.

« Wow���.nature is truly a miracle hmm » he humms and kisses ur hairline.

« Thank you Love » he whispers after a bit of silence.

« For what » u ask.

« For giving me the Chance to be a father and have a family,i am so grateful for you i love u »he says and pulls u closer against his chest.

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This was one of the best moments in ur pregnancy so far,u smile to yourself and rub ur belly gently.

„Is the little one keeping u up?“ a deep and sleepy voice asked u and u turned around.

The darkness of ur home revealed ur lover who looked so done with life and sleepy.

„Yes she keeps kicking me“u say.

„She?…do you know something i dont know“he asks with his arms crossed.

„No but i think its a girl…..something in me says its a girl“u say and get closer to him.

„I mean i have nothing against that if its a boy i wouldn’t be disappointed the only thing that matters is that they are healthy“ he pulls u closer to him and kisses ur lips gently.

„Lets get u back to bed okay?“he says sleepily and u agree.

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Back in bed the kicking started again and u were awake another time.

„Hey my little one in there“ Shin whisper to your belly as he notices ur discomfort.

„Ur mom out here is trying her best to grow you, could you please let her sleep“ he continues,and to ur surprise the kicking stops.U moth to him „it works keep going“ and so he does.

„So when u are older one day,Daddy will take u for a ride on his bike and ohh…one day u will have a bike of ur own i have a good one in mind but u can of course choose one yourself love.“a kiss was pressed against ur belly and with Shinchiros voice and the relief ur body experienced now u fell asleep quickly.

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Those five months passed quickly,and things got better ur backpain was not that strong and ur feet were quiet normal.And to ur and Shins luck both of u found out that u are having a little baby girl.

As both of u found out Shin cried happy tears and u did too.And after that nothing could bring the smile from shins face his wife was having a little girl and he will be a girl dad soon.

Both of u decorated the Nursery in different shades of pink to make it look girly,and everything seemed perfect but that exact evening u noticed that ur Backpain was worsening and that u had several abodem pain……

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It was normal ur midwife had told u ur Body was prepping for Birth and u had something called Braxton Hicks which were false contractions that prepped ur body for the extreme pain of labour.But as the days go by ur false contractions seemed to get worse.They came in 1 to 2 hours and they were so painful that u either need to grab on the nearest thing for support or sit down.

„Love,i know its just these false contractions but please lets go to the gynaecologist and let him check if everythings okay“ ur Husband suggested as u were holding onto him for support as u breathed trough a contraction.

„Okay but he will tell u the same thing as the midwife“u tought.

But ur doctor told u that u were indeed in real labour and that u had to be rushed to the hospital.

It was a shock for both of u cause the baby then would be one and a half weeks early which was not good cause the babys development was not fully completed before the 40th week of pregnancy.

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The Sky was foggy and a Storm was building up outside of the Hospital windows.

U were placed in the maternity ward and the doctors did their best to delay the birth cause the risk of ur baby having complications or u having complications while birth were a bit too high to risk.

U felt like u were going insane in this room u hated hospitals,the smell and the vibe were uncomfortable to you.

But ur Room was a bit more colourful and it had a light that was not too bright and the light color was warmer but it still felt like a hospital.

U were placed on an IC with Tocolytics this medication could delay birth and it seemed to be working well.Cause ur abodem pain reduced a bit.And ur Baby girl she was still kicking u but u could not complain cause u were afraid if she did not she may be dead.It hurt but u at least had a sign that she was okay and alive.

And ur Husband he was glued to you he stayed at the hospital with you he was with u the whole two days u were now here,u begged him to go home to shower and get a bit of comfortable sleep but he refused.In the end both of u agreed that one night but only one night he will sleep at home but in that time Emma and Draken will stay with u for a bit so u agreed.

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As she saw you Emma was in tears u looked stressed and tired ur hair was greasy and a mess and the Robe they gave u was very uncomfortable.

So she proposed the idea that she will wash ur hair and help you get dressed while Draken was bringing theier Child to Mikey and his Girlfriend.

And after a proper hairwash and after u changed into leggins and a Shirt from ur Husband u felt a bit more human and a bit more like yourself.

Emma tried to get u away from ur worries.

„Her Birthday was really nice but her amazing aunt was missing“she told u about ur Nieces Birthday,that u sadly missed cause u were already a day in the hospital and u could not leave.

„I am so sorry Emma“ u whisper.

„Heyy no need to be sorry we are talking about ur Babys and ur Life and Health here she will always be your niece and you will always be her aunt“she coos and lays her hand over yours.

„Shin visited us in the late afternoon,he told us about u and that he needed to go back to you before you wake up.“ she tells u.

„He really Loves u dear,i have never seen my half brother so happy“ her smile was soft and her hand was now holding yours.

„Emma i am scared shitless“ u confess and Emma gave u a small laugh.

„No need to be,u will get trough this and ur baby will too you know why?“ u chook ur head in response.

„Cause u are her mother and u are a strong woman“ she answeres you and u give her a exhausted smile.

And with that u drift of into a well needed slumber.

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Ur Baby was not breathing as they handed her over to you.Her face was pale and her Body lacked any kind of heat,ur world crashed in that moment.U screamed out of pain,pain cause u lost the one thing u loved as much as ur Husband.It was all too much for ur body and everything around u went dark.

A Hand was placed on your Arm and two familiar eyes looked into yours.

„Are you okay Love“ ur Husband asks as u wake up from ur Nightmare.It was a Nightmare was it if not u would loose ur mind.

„Am i still pregnant,is she still alive….Shin tell me“ u say as u panicked.

„Hey…u had a bad dream yes,and u are still pregnant and our baby is doing well“ he assures you and he shifts from his Chair at ur bedside to the mattress u were laying on.He took ur hand in his and pressed a kiss to every finger of ur Hand.

„We will get trough this baby“he says in a calm tone.And leans against ur frame,u craved his presence so much right now u just wanted him closer to you to just hold you close and kiss u.But the IV made that Impossible.

„Shin please hold me“u say and u were close to tear,u shifted a bit to the right for him to lay beside you.And like that u drifted off into a peaceful slumber.While he was beside you.

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The Birth was now only two days away from ur calculated day and the risk was lower that something happens to you and the baby so they got u off of the medication and now u needed to wait.Till u were ready to finally give birth.And as the Doctors finally confirmed that it was time u were a bit relieved that ur pregnancy will be over and also a bit sad.

The Birth was going without any complications and Shin was there every second he held ur hand and u almost broke it by squeezing it so hard,and even if u did he couldn’t care less.Shin knew that labour was painful and exhausting and he tought he could handle it well.But hearing u scream for ur life did things to his heart that almost broke it into pieces.But as u pushed a final Time and u heard a loud cry.Both of u we’re relieved she was here ur Baby Girl was finally here.U looked up at Shin and you could see the tears in his eyes.

Ur newborn was placed on your bare chest moments after,she was perfect she has black hair like Shin and beautiful eyes like you she was the perfect mix of both of u.

« I am so proud of u,i am so proud of u of both of u,had to go tough so much »Shin says in a quiet tone to not upset the newborn who was slowly drifting into sleep.He strokes over her head gently and kisses the top of urs.

« Shes perfect Shin » u say exhausted.

❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁

Both of u were glad to be home after such nerv wrecking Days.

And Shin was the best dad ever,he fed the baby when you couldn’t,he changed her diapers,rocked and read her to sleep and what u found the cutest were the talks he had with her before bed.

U were fresh out of the Shower when u got down and u saw ur husband standing in ur living room the front to ceiling windows open so the coolness of the rain could go into your too warm home.He stood there and rocked her too sleep.

“Daddy will always protect u,and ur daddy will always be there when u need him and so will ur mommy”he coos to her and gives her a kiss on the forehead.

“And when ur older u can play with ur Cousins,they are very exited too meet u next week”he continues to whisper to the sleeping newborn in his toned arms.

“U have a very loving Family and they all love u very much but ur Mom and i love u way more than them”and with that he notices u standing behind him.U get closer to him and lean ur head against his shoulder and look down at the Human both of u made out of love for each other.

“Thank you” he says quietly and u lean up to kiss him.The sound of the rain calmed all of u down which was all needed.Ur Future was bright with a Family like that and u could not wait for more moments like this to come.

❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁

Thank your for reading this fic.And i think my Browser now thinks i am pregnant 😀😭

❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁•❁

[theghooligan]

when characters say sano manjiro it does things to me

[witch--btch]

Tokyo Revengers Manga spoilers that everyone needs to see

(if u are can handle it)

Why did someone have to point out that Sanzu has been present for both Sano brothers’ sui*ides….

[nuhahani]

Lovely

Lovely- Billie Eilish ft. Khalid

Shinichiro x AFAB!Reader 

Warnings: angst, no comfort, smut, OG Timeline (No time leaping), suicide, mental health issues. MDNI 18+, fingering, handjob, shower sex, piv sex, unprotected sex, creampie. If you or someone you know are considering suicide, please reach out to your local hotline or emergency services. 

The call came later that afternoon, you hadn't been able to reach your boyfriend all day. The panicked words from Sanzu’s mouth came out in a jumbled mess when you answered. A soft thud was heard over the line, a sigh from Wakasa’s lips as he took over the phone. 

July 29th, 2003

“Baby you have to eat,” You crouched on the floor in front of your six-foot-tall boyfriend, your hand running through his hair as he sat on the edge of the bed. The bowl of rice and beef sat untouched on the bedside table. His empty dark eyes surrounded by dark circles and hollowed cheeks; he was looking through you. “Please Shin?” You tried not to let the desperation in your voice overtake the true issue at hand. 

Mikey’s death had taken a toll on him worse than you could’ve imagined. In such a short time he had lost a noticeable amount of weight and refused to leave bed. You weren’t blaming him; you understood the toll that grief takes on people. You were also grieving the loos of his younger brother; Mikey had become an important part of your life, you had walked with him to and from school most days, took him out for snacks and often took him out with you and Shin. His death was weighing on you, but Shinichiro was more important than your grieving process. The man in front of you was simply a hallow shell of who he was before. If he had had a shirt on then you wouldn’t have been able to see his lungs taking in air, he was so fragile under your touch. The hand in his dark hair cupped his face; he no longer leaned into your touch, no longer pulled you closer in bed. His mind was gone, you were simply caring for his body hoping he would return. 

“Baby, are you okay enough to shower?” No response. The light had simply been drained from his eyes. The ache in your chest, the choking feeling in your throat. The numbing icy touch of his skin under your hand and the resistance of fighting your own tears back. You stood back up, hand dropping from his face, to go turn on the shower. There was no way to describe the pain of what you were going through. Everyone told you that he would come back around, that this was all a part of the grieving process, and everyone handles death differently. But this was different. You would be lying if you said at first, you didn’t believe their words. There was less and less of him every time you looked at him. The steam from the water fogged the mirror you could once see yourself in. In the process of taking care of your boyfriend, you could see now you had been unintentionally neglecting yourself. 

You didn’t know how long you had been staring at your fogged over reflection, but it had been long enough that Shinichiro came to check on you. His eyes glazed over the mirror and then your body. You had also seemingly dropped several pounds. You didn’t recognize anymore. His shirtless figure reached out, removing your shirt and shorts. His sweatpants following your clothes on the floor. He guided the two of you into the nearly scolding water, the shower washing away tears you were unaware had fallen from your eyes. The water rinsed away the feeling of depression leaving you with nothing but numbness. Shin’s hands were on your waist, his lips on yours as he pushed your back against the shower wall. Droplets form his hair dripped onto your face. The taste of his mouth slowly kissing you brought a necessary comfort to you. Your hands trailed up and down his chest, not daring to go lower until he gave you permission to do so. Tears mixed with the droplets streamed like an unstoppable river down your face.

His fingers traveled down to your clit, slowly rubbing circles that sent shivers down your spine. Your hand wrapped itself around his cock, stroking him until you were both a moaning mess. Lips moving in sync as he inserted a finger in your entrance. You moved your moth to his jaw line leaving a path of open mouth kisses down his neck letting your tongue lick his skin before sucking on the sweet spot under the side of jaw. His moans, oh god how you missed hearing him. Your walls clenched around his fingers as he added a second one and moved at pace that was pushing you to the edge. His cock twitched in your hand when you delicately slipped your thumb over the slit of his tip. Removing your hand from him you sucked his pre-cum off the tip of your thumb. 

A whine left your lips when he pulled his fingers out of you without warning only to find one of your legs being lifted around his waist. He rubbed the tip of his cock between your slick folds, teasing you until you begged for it. Both your eyes watched as he pushed into you. The stretch that you had never gotten used to overwhelmed you, but you loved the feeling of him in you. Your eyes rolled back as he bottomed out giving your pussy a sudden thrust that hit just the right spot. His free arm held the shower wall above your head, his face pressed into the crook of your neck as he began thrusting in you at a steady pace. His hair was still so soft in your hands. 

“Fuck, Shin… oh my god.” Your orgasm was creeping up faster than you wanted to admit. He always did this to you though, fucked you so good you came within minutes. It wasn’t long before your high came crashing around his cock as he chased his own climax. 

“I love you, fuck I love you.” The words came out as a whimper from him. You pulled his face from your neck forcing his mouth back on yours which he was happy to do. His tongue easily won dominance over you. You didn’t mid though, you loved the feeling of him in your mouth, loved the taste of your lover. He rested his forehead on yours, a string of saliva connecting you together. You watched his face contort in pleasure as his thrusts became sloppier. He was on the edge when the words ‘I love you’ from your perfect mouth danced in his ears and sent him over. His seed leaked out of you from around his cock, your legs shaking as you pulled him in for another kiss. Water from long forgotten shower rinsed away any and all evidence of the moment that happened minutes before. Exhausting took over your mind when you both stepped out, turning the water off and him carrying you to bed. The last thing you felt before letting sleep take you was his lips pressing kisses on your cheek, mouth and forehead. 

July 30, 2003

“Hey, it’s Wakasa.” The man you had always known as Shinichiro’s best friend breathed your name through the phone. “I just got off the phone with someone else. I need you to listen carefully, okay?” Dread bubbled in your stomach. Something was very wrong.

“What is it?”

“Shinichiro jumped, I’m really sorry.” Wakasa heard the phone on the other line drop. The line had gone dead. Shinichiro was gone.

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

I like to think that when Shin finally meets a girl who likes him back, he becomes so down bad that after a while of dating it feels like she's his one and only. Like he genuinely couldn't see himself with anyone else after her and it only gets stronger over time. Like bro is so smitten, even if the relationship ends he probably wouldn't try to pursue anyone again cuz they're not her (not that a breakup would ever happen oh no Shinichiro doesn't need any more angst thank you)

Oh definitely! Shinichiro is the type to fall fast and hard. It only takes a little while and he's just so happy that he mentally plans his future with this person. Shinichiro just has a lot of love to give. If the relationship did end he probably would eventually find someone else (though it may depend on how it ends and the length) but it would take him months to move on. Plus his friends would probably have to intervene.

[8aji]

tags/cw: hurt/comfort, mentions of major character death, based on this tiktok, peep the love actually reference at the bottom // wc: 300ish

After Shinichiro Sano died, you started to see hearts everywhere.

No matter where you go, you always find at least one. When you go grocery shopping, the cherries in your cart resemble teeny-tiny hearts. During your weekly outings with Wakasa—who, at first, had to practically drag you out of your house where you were cooped up for more than a week after it happened—you run into one particular graffitied wall with hearts sprinkled here and there all over the painting. When you pick up Emma and Mikey from school, the two always point out the heart-shaped clouds that hover over you.

Stickers on lampposts and electricity metres, little pebbles that stick inside your shoes, shiny balloons hovering outside a storefront, the coffee stain on your blouse. A puddle in front of your doorstep after a rainy night—you didn't see it there at first, noticing its existence only after your shoes got soaked, and instead of cursing the whole world for forcing you to change, a tiny crack of your broken heart managed to mend itself once you noticed the shape.

Hearts are everywhere and anywhere, and with their presence, you could feel your sorrows gradually melt away. Layer after layer, the faults within your heart become less and less prominent, until the only thing you could see were the sewn seams of flesh. 

It is comforting in a way. The more of them you encounter, the more you understand that the leaves and the flower petals and the cracks on the pavement, the shadows you cast as you pass by and sprinkles on the cupcakes your friends got you for your birthday when you felt like you couldn't get up. In every wiggly and wavy line—though sometimes they could look abnormally straight—in the dents and creases and slopes and strokes. He was there in every heart you encounter, keeping you company, following you almost like a lost puppy, like he did when he was alive. 

And as time goes by, and the less tangible your heartbreak becomes, you find comfort in the fact that if you look for him hard enough, you will find that his love actually is all around.

© 2022 SHINACHIRO ; Do not repost my work. Do not recommend my work outside of tumblr. Do not translate my work.

[unearthly-org]

𝒯𝒶𝓁𝓀𝒾𝓃’ 𝒯𝑜 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝑀𝑜𝑜𝓃 .

⋆⋅─⋆⋅ ❤︎ ⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅ ❤︎ ⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅ ❤︎ ⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅

🖇️🎧✩ :: "Talkin’ to the Moon” -Bruno Mars.

⇄ ◁◁ I I ▷▷ ↻

⁰⁰ ²⁵ ━━●━━━━━━━━ ⁰² ⁰⁸

The night is dark and still, with only a faint breeze rustling the leaves. A lone figure stands on a quiet hill, gazing up at the moon, the silver glow casting a soft light over everything. It’s the only thing in the world that seems alive, offering a pale, distant warmth.

Night after night, You return to this hill, face highlighted in the moon’s cold glow. You stand beneath it’s unchanging light.

Your fingers solemnly danced across the silver chain around your neck, that once belonged to your now deceased lover and clutches it tightly as if it was going to disappear, Just like him.

"Emma an’ Draken got married…finally right..?” The faint bitter laughter and words leaves your lips before you can stop it. "…Coulda been us..”

The moon hangs cold and silent in the sky, distant and indifferent. "I-I’m sorry I just….miss you so much, Mi luna..” You say, barely a whisper, afraid that if you speak too loudly, even the moon might disappear on you too. "A-And Manjiro and them try to help but It’s been so hard without you. E-Every night feels colder, every place feels emptier. I see you everywhere but can’t reach yo—" You had to pause, choking back a sob, and continue. “I don’t know how to move on. Sometimes I fuckin’ swear I can feel you beside me! I close my eyes and pretend you’re still holding me—" Again, another pause and another choked back sob..

The moon hangs cold and silent in the sky, distant and indifferent. You wait, standing there with a open heart, hoping for even the faintest sign—a shimmer, a flicker, a small gust of wind from him but the night answers only with it’s stillness, an empty vastness that sinks down as you stare up, searching for something that isn’t there. Night after night, you return to the hill.

The moon offers you no comfort, no message from beyond, only its frozen, unfeeling light. Your chest tightens as reality sinks into your heart. No matter how many nights you come here, no matter how much you pour your heart into the empty air, there will be no answer.

Yet You keep coming back for some reason, night after night, calling for him, even knowing he will never answer you back..

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ݁𖥔

a/n:: Hiii im back @prncessrindou really wanted my ass to post sumn 😭

[kwlsn]

synopsis :

as a dear wife of an executive director of a high-ranking criminal organisation, it'd be a daily occurrence for you to live with numerous assassination attempts from other groups. your husband always knows you can protect yourself from day one, but what about the time when a little bundle of joy came in?

starring : sano shinichiro, sano manjiro, haitani ran, haitani rindou, sanzu haruchiyo, etc.

warning : assassination, kidnapping, physical assault, blackmailing, murder, betrayal, etc.

— ❖ the first love

— ❖ the self-made millionaire

— ❖ the supermodel

— ❖ the doctor

— ❖ the teacher

— ❖ TBA

[paroslineage]

Mistake

Shinichiro Sano x Fem!Reader

TW : Blood, Reader Death, Canon Divergence.

This is my own original idea and the characters of TR do not belong to me but Ken Wakui. Do not steal :/

Genre : Fluff to Angst.

Masterlist.

Next > The Aftermath.

It was only a mistake....

09:42 P.M. was the time when it took place...

All it took was one regrettable action and a pair of Bolt Cutters...

It never meant to happen...

...

9:18 P.M.

"Shini~" You lovingly called out to your fiancé, elongating the last syllable.

"Yes darling?" Shinichiro replied chuckling oh so handsomely for someone who got rejected 20 times.

"When are you going to finish?" You whined wanting to just cuddle with your Shinichiro

"Just a minute more dear." Shinichiro replied lovingly and patiently.

You sigh purposefully to make him feel bad which actually does the job of getting Shinichiro to get the fixing wrapped up.

He sauntered over to you his usual boyish charming smile that made your knees weak. That was your first reason to fall for the older Sano in the first place afterall. After all the unsuccessful times of getting a girlfriend he finally found you...

His Diamond.

His one and only one.

Until the action took place unfortunately...

You both were now in the garage lobby room frolicking around.

"Hey Shini..?" You broke the silence first

"Hm..yes darling?" Shinichiro's deep voice replied to you.

"I can't wait to get married to you...can you believe that its in in one week?!" you exclaimed Excitedly.

Shinichiro chuckled at your excited tone and his deep obsidian eyes followed your every happy moment as you danced about adorably.

He strided towards you and gathered you into his arms holding you lovingly and firmly having no intentions to ever let go as he peered down at you with nothing but fondness and extreme devotion towards you ...his fiancée

"Me too darling...me too...I'm just waiting just so I can call you my wifey."

"You know? I'm still waiting for Mikey's,Emma's and Izana's reaction when I'm officially their Nee-San."

You sigh happily to which Shinichiro looks down at you with heart in his eyes and his heart swelling twice for the love you had for his dear siblings.

"And you know that you have the freedom to call me 'wifey' even now right?" You retorted in a playful sassy tone.

"Can't blame a man for having his goals right?" His eyes turned dark with desire as he held your bronze gaze locked in a heated manner.

You chuckle in amusement and slap his chest playfully making him give you a wide lopsided grin of his and leaned in to claim your soft and supple lips.

CLATTER!

Both of you freeze and maintain eye contact and suddenly fall quiet you clutching onto him scared and he reciprocates by holding you fiercely to his chest wanting to protect you.

"What was that?" You spoke quietly in a perturbed tone.

"I think some bastard broke in the garage ....stay here darling ...can't risk you getting hurt alright? I'll be back in no time I love you." Shinichiro kissed your temple tenderly before moving towards the garage with extreme caution.

"Be safe honey.."

"I will baby, dont worry."

Before an hour.

"Hey Kazutora. Where are we going?"

"Well, Mikey's birthday's coming up, right? we're gonna give him a present!"

"A present like what?"

"A CB250T, just come on."

Outside S.S MOTORS.

"This is the place."

"Here?"

"This bike shop."

"A CB250T..."

"Let's steal it ♡."

"What?! We can't just steal it!"

"We can't?"

"There's no way Mikey would be happy...if we got one that way."

"You dumbass. He doesn't need to know the details. The only way middle schoolers like us can get one is if someone older gives one to us, or we steal one."

"..."

Inside the Restaurant.

"What're you freaking out for? I sure the tank's not empty. Easy peasy."

"...You dumbass. That's not the problem here I'm telling you, stealing is bad."

"You wanna see Mikey happy, don't you?~ This is the bike he's always dreamed of."

"Yeah, but..."

"Come on don't back out now~"

"...Fine..."

Current Time 9:27.

"Kazutora..."

"You always complain..But here you are, right by my side again. Let's go."

"Seriously? It opened.."

"Whoa, no security alarms or anything? Sweet ♡. What're you doing, Baji?"

"Are we really gonna do this, Kazutora."

"Keep it down."

"There's no turning back, dude. Are we really gonna do this,Kazutora?"

"just shut up. is it this way?"

...

"Look, Baji. It's the CB250T!".

"It's so awesome."

"Wait this thing isn't new."

"Yeah, its here for maintainance..It's a total custom job. Look at those thick wheels. This bike... I'm sure Mikey would look super badass on it."

"All right, let me see it. Damn it...It's not breaking off easy."

"Hurry up."

"It's so hard!...I got it!"

"All right! Let's roll it out. Yes! It's got gas in the tank. it'll start.

"It's too soon for that. I'm gonna go outside and open the shutters."

"R-Right. Got it."

This might actually work, Kazutora.

"Yeah. I can just see Mikey's beaming face now."

"Yeah. You're gonna have the best birthday ever, Mikey!"

Currently.

"Hey!...the hell? we gettin' robbed? whose shop you think you're breakin' into, huh?"

"Shit! He's got a weapon! What do we do?!"

"you little bastards ...you're not gonna get away!"

"What do we do?! He totally saw my face! Even if we make it out of here, we'll be arrested! What should we do?!"

"Hey...you look familiar."

"Huh?!"

"Is that you, Keisuke?"

"Shi...Shinichiro-kun? Why...What are you doing here?"

"What? Well, this is my shop."

"It's your..."

Meanwhile with you.

You were worried sick thinking why hadn't Shinichiro returned yet?

So you decided that you will go to him instead.

You went to the garage and saw Shinichiro talking to little Keisuke.

Keisuke's breath hitched and started trembling as he saw you...

...

His older sister ...

Y/N Baji...

"Hmm...What ....Kei....is that you....?.."You spoke unsure, squinting your eyes in the dark to see better.

"Honey?"

"Nee-san?..."

What You and Shinichiro did not see was Kazutora sneaking up on Shinichiro with a pair of bolt cutters...

Keisuke noticed and his eyes widened as he tried to stop his best buddy Kazutora.

"Kazutora, don't!" Baji had his eyes widened to the point of just dots.

Crack!

Just as Shinichiro was about to get hit you stepped in between Shinichiro and took the hard brunt force to your head before falling down harshly.

Thud!

"Let's get the hell outta here, Baji!"

Baji left the bike which fell to the floor and ran towards the couple.

"Nee-San..Nee-San! What the hell did you do Kazutora?!"

"What was I supposed to do?! He saw us but she came in between!"

"Baby...my darling...hey ...wake up!" Shinichiro fell to his knees and scampered to your body cradling it.

"Nee-San?..." Kazutora smiled confused

"She...she...she's my older sister!" Baji replied with an anguished tone, his teary eyes not leaving your face.

Kazutora dropped the bolt cutters and started trembling as he took in your appearance, bleeding furiously from the forehead.

Meanwhile Shinichiro was in another distress.

"Hey...Y/N ...hey wifey ...get up please get up." He uttered loudly as he cradled your cold, limp body rocking you back and forth to ease his anxiety and shaking.

and Keisuke was...

"Nee-San I'm sorry...I'm sorry Nee-San please wake up." Keisuke sobbed violently as he fell to his knees and tried to crawl towards Shinichiro and you.

"Why..why is he crying?" Kazutora had a shaky grin as he pointed towards the broken man.

"Y/N Nee-San is.....is Shinichiro-kun's Fiancée!"

the following words make Kazutora's trembling worse.

"...Fiancée..."

"What are you standing there for?! Call the ambulance!!" Keisuke barked at Kazutora in distress.

Still Kazutora could not move as he was having a panic attack.

Shinichiro fell awfully quiet has he looked down at you. his obsidian eyes now dull and diminished ..your face peaceful ..had it not been the blood running down your temple he would have thought that you were sleeping peacefully without any care in the world.

Suddenly Shinichiro wailed in anguish clutching you closer to his chest and possibly heart...

hearing such a wail, both Baji and Kazutora froze in their places their eyes darting to the couple.

One had revenge on his mind.

One was In a state absolute anguish and distress mourning for his beloved.

and

One was sobbing incoherently apologizing without his cause.

...

oh right ....it was 9:42 P.M.

The sound of the ambulance and police sirens came came from a distance but neither of them both tried to move.

as one was shaking in his boots claiming that

it's all Mikey's fault...

and

the other one having his bronze hued eyes stuck to couple more precisely the black haired woman that laid perfectly still in Mikey's older brother's arms as he cried to no one, his voice raspy as he quietly begged for you to get up.

Keisuke thinking that how will he face his own mother now?

Ryoko Baji. The mother of two, her eldest daughter

Y/N Baji and youngest son Keisuke Baji.

Well now deceased daughter....

the police soon came into the vicinity with the paramedics trying to pry your body from the black haired man's grip as the he tried his best to keep you with himself helplessly.

Meanwhile the police arrested both the kids and had them escorted outwards.

Kazutora kept uttering only one thing ...

"It's all Mikey's fault.."

and Baji was somber, dead within beautiful bronze eyes dulled with now his beloved Nee-San gone.

as they were both getting escorted towards the police car Mikey came to the crime scene looking clueless and as he met Baji's eyes.

"Baji! What's wrong... What's happening?" Mikey who had just arrived to the crime scene completely clueless asked Baji innocently with a frantic tone.

Baji could only tearfully apologize with a heavy anguished voice

"Mikey ...I'm sorry."

Mikey darted his eyes behind Baji and saw paramedics carrying your bloodied corpse on a stretcher and his beloved aniki Shinichiro begging them not to take you away from him and he clutched onto your pale limp hand for dear life.

Mikey understood what had happened... What took place while he was at home...

But for Baji

...

Well what was he apologizing for?

...

For that one Mistake that never intended to happen.

Not to you at least...

[kkurisuac]

𝐆𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤

Sypnosis: Y/n lost her love

Pairing: Sano Shinichiro x Fem!reader

Warning: angst

In a few days, Y/n will be Sano. She will marry the man she really loves and nothing can keep them apart. They may be young and have time, but it's pointless to stall if they're going to live and die together anyway.

Today they went to choose their rings and they couldn't have been happier, especially when Shinichiro tried the jewel on her finger. Everything is ready for Y/N to become Shbinichiro's wife in two days' time, just waiting for the day, which is proving to be quite difficult.

Like the last days Y/N spends the week at her parents' house, because they are a bit overreacting to the wedding, as if they will never see their daughter again after the wedding. Not that she's been home so much in the last few years anyway, because she's been staying over at Shin's most nights and spending most of the day with him. They have been happy together every day for six years and do almost everything together.

After the ring rehearsal, Shinichiro took Y/N home and promised her that he would pick her up in the evening and they would go on a date. Because of the wedding, they had less time for dating because they were busy getting ready. However, they will finally make up for lost time tonight.

"Y/n everything okay?" Y/N's mum asked her daughter, because she had been sitting silent for a while, but a bad feeling was taking over her and she was unable to calm down.

"Yeah, it's just that Shin said he'd be here at half past nine, but he's nowhere to be found and he hasn't sent any messages."

"Don't worry my girl, he must have a lot of work to do."

"But he'd still let me know, especially since he promised."

"My dear, you'll get married soon, then you'll spend time together." Y/N continued to worry because her mum takes it lightly, but Y/N knows her fiancé and knows he doesn't do that, he always answers the phone when she calls or texts, but nothing now.

Y/N kept trying to call him, but it didn't ring any more, so she tried Mikey instead to see if he knew anything. But of course no one answered the phone, so she was sure something was up.

"Girl, calm down."

"Mom, please! Shin doesn't do that and besides none of the family members answer. Something must be wrong."

Y/N was pacing back and forth looking at her phone to see when it would ring, because she was getting more and more worried and she could feel that something was wrong, because Shin would never do this to her. But suddenly her phone rang and she answered it hopefully, but it was only Wakasa.

"Waka! Do you know anything about Shin?" she asked without saying hello as soon as she picked up the phone to her best friend, because finally someone called her.

"Y/n… I'm sorry."

"What? I don't know what you're talking about." she could sense in his voice that something was up, but she tried to block out the bad thoughts.

"Shinichiro is dead." No. 'I'm sure he didn't. This is some kind of really bad joke. Why would anything like that have happened. It's a lie. It has to be!' she thought as she heard

"What? Waka, what are you talking about? Is he dead? Shin? My Shin?"

"I'm sorry Y/n."

Suddenly she didn't know what Waka was saying and she didn't want to realize it. Her love would never leave her, he promised to be with her forever and would never leave her.

"Mom… Mom, they took Shin. They took Shin away from me. Mom!" she cried as her tears began to flow.

"Shin! They couldn't take him away from me! It can't be true!"

She got up and went to Shin, because it was impossible for him to leave her. He has always been with her and she have always been with him and they are and will always be together, because they are made for each other. He is her love, her only love, the one she will die with. No one can take him from her, she won't let them.

"My little girl, calm down. My baby, don't do this." Her Mom and Dad held her down.

"Shin. I want Shin, Mom! They took him away from me!"

She doesn't want to accept that her love could die. She believe it when she see it, but she know it's a lie. It can't be anything but a joke.

"I'm going to Shin right now. Let me go!"

"Honey, fine, have it your way, but first calm down a bit."

She composed herself a bit, because Shinichiro doesn't like it when she cry and he would probably laugh at her.

Y/n was not at all willing to accept that Shinichiro was dead. She simply could not imagine her lover leaving her without a single word.

Her tears were falling and she sat silently waiting to see her lover again.

"Shin… Shin get up. This is not funny, get up and let's go home. We'll be together." she tried to wake him up Y/n, but of course she couldn't.

"Sano Shinichiro! Listen to your fiancée for once, please… Don't leave me alone. You and I must be together and then die together. You can't leave first! Shin!" she embraced her lover Y/n with the thought that he would open his eyes and look at her as he always did.

"Shin! Shin! Shin!" cried Y/n, raging and completely out of her mind. Her mother tried to take her away, but she wouldn't make a move. "Y/n-chan, please don't do this." Mikey called to the girl.

"But Mikey your brother's body is cold. I have to warm him up because he will get sick and he can't get sick two days before our wedding."

Y/n was completely stubborn and stuck by Shinichiro no matter what anyone said to her.

"Y/n." Wakasa addressed the girl, and she didn't even look at him. She just hugged Shinichiro and teased him, hoping to wake him up.

"Y/n!" said Wakasa more firmly, and Y/n noticed.

"Come on, let's get out of here."

"But I can't leave Shin alone. If he wakes up and I'm not with him he'll be scared that something happened to me and I don't want him to worry about me."

"Y/n, Shinichiro won't wake up. He's already d-"

"Don't say it! Don't say it!" shouted Y/n and everyone was startled by her outburst. "Shin is alive, why would he be dead? Why would he leave me?"

"What do you think Shinichiro would say if he saw you like this?"

"He would be sad and worried."

"That's why you must pull yourself together and then you can visit him again."

"No, Waka. If I leave here they might hurt him or take him away from me. And it would kill me if they took him away from me."

"They won't. I'll stay with him until you're gone. Okay?"

"Are you sure? You won't let anything happen to him, right?"

"Not by chance, but come on, you have to go home."

Wakasa managed to talk Y/n into going home, but she wanted to go to the apartment she shared with Shinichiro anyway.

Everything in the apartment reminded her of him. Everywhere she looked, a memory came to mind, like their first night here. All the times they had spent together came back to her, and she collapsed in the middle of the living room in pain, crying at the top of her lungs.

She went upstairs to the bedroom and, sniffing one of Shinichiro's T-shirts, she cried in a fetal position on the bed. She knew her lover was dead, but she refused to accept it. Shinichiro had been her other half for as long as she could remember, the one she had imagined a future with and so she couldn't imagine having a future at all.

"Shin, they took you from me. And I love you very much, more than anything. I felt the cold of your body, yet… No, you didn't die, that's impossible. Right, my love?"

"Someone give me back Shin."

Y/n cried herself to sleep, full of bad and bad thoughts. But she simply lost the meaning of life, because for her, Shinichiro was the meaning.

Y/n didn't know it, but she was the last thought of her love. He wanted to see Y/n one last time, to be with her one last time, to hold her and smell her scent. But he couldn't survive, no matter how much he fought for his love.

[inuiiwonderland]

Part of your world

A young merman prince falling in love with a young human woman. But, does he get his happily ever after?

Shinichiro x fem!Reader

Angst no comfort

A/n: Sorry for taking FOREVER to finish this! Anyways enjoy! (I recommend listening to part of your world reprise ll while reading, made me so emotional listening to it while writing lol)

-

Loud cheers and fireworks could be heard as everyone danced and sang to their heart's content. Music and singing could be heard as everyone were enjoying themselves. You played your flute as you danced along with everyone else.

Today is your 18th birthday. And you managed to convince your parents to let you celebrate your birthday out here in the sea. They didn’t like the idea at first and suggested celebrating your birthday at the palace. But after lots of convincing and having your royal butler help you convince your parents, they agreed.

Beers were passed around as everyone sang along and you couldn’t be happier.

“Hey grim! You should come dance and celebrate with the rest of us!” You shout to your dear butler.

“That would be nice but I still haven’t yet showed you your birthday gift that your parents gave you”

“That can wait grimy! First come dance and celebrate with the rest of us!” You shout cheerfully as you grab his arm and guide him to dance.

“Y/n! I know you’re excited and having a great time which I’m very glad you are but please-“

“La la la can’t hear youuu~”

You spin him around as the poor man gets dizzy. You giggle before continuing to play the flute which maxi, your dog, gets very excited to hear.

As you all danced and sang, a very curious young creature peeks its head above the surface. His eyes wide as he watches the fireworks go off in the dark night sky. He watches in awe as the humans danced.

Humans are such fascinating creatures

He watched as they danced and sang as some played instruments while others sat down and cheered for the ones who were dancing.

He always loved watching the humans who sailed out into the sea. Especially when they throw big parties like this.

But what really captured the young merman’s attention was you.

A fine young human woman who danced with the rest of the crew with a big smile on your face. Eyes shining bright like the stars as you laughed and danced.

He smiles as he watches you. You look absolutely divine.

The young merman then swims a bit closer to get a better view. He manages to climb up the ship a bit and sits down near a crack where he can see everyone better.

He stays quiet as everyone soon quiets down. He curiously watches as a man clears his throat before talking.

“I’m very pleased that everyone is enjoying themselves. Especially y/n who is the birthday girl” You playfully rolled your eyes as you played with your flute.

Shinichiro's eyes then turned to you as you sat down near some steps. The young merman can feel his heart flutter as he stares at you.

You look absolutely beautiful up close

His attention then shifted to a group of men who brought out something big from one of the rooms in the ship. Shinichiro curiously watches as the man continues to talk before removing the big cloth that soon revealed a statue. But not just any statue, it was a statue of you.

You got up from where you were sitting before inspecting the statue.

“Mm not bad” You say.

“Your father had this made for you. He was very excited for you to see that me and your mother had to calm him down before he got the chance to spoil your birthday gift” You giggled at that. You know how excited your father gets when he gets you something that he really wants to show you.

As shinichiro continues to peek through the crack, maxi runs up to him before excitedly licking his face which makes shinichiro giggle. No one was paying attention as all the attention was on you. As Shinichiro continues to pet and giggle at the strange creature in front of him, he suddenly hears panic shouts along with the ship moving rapidly.

He looks up only to see rain and thunder.

It was a storm

His eyes widen as he looks at the crack and sees everyone run around in a panic. Shinichiro quickly jumps off as people start throwing down smaller boats as lightning hits the ship. He manages to create some distance between him and the ship. He watches as people hurriedly jump off the ship to get on the boats. The ship suddenly catches on fire which creates an even bigger panic. Everyone shouts commands left and right and while all this was happening, shinichiro was looking everywhere for you.

He feels relieved when he sees you on one of the smaller boats. But then he sees the look of panic in your face as you look around frantically. A sudden bark catches both you and Shinichiro's attention as you see maxi. She was still on the ship.

You jump off the boat as you swim near the ship. Ignoring grim who was worriedly calling out for you to get back on the boat.

“Hey girl, c'mon jump!” You say as maxi continues to bark. You know she probably feels scared and confused but you wanted her to jump so you can both swim to safety. Realizing she wasn’t going to jump off any time soon. You started thinking about what to do. Maxi whines and whimpers caused you to do the unthinkable.

You climb back on the ship as grim and the rest of your crew shouted at you to get down. But you ignored them. Maxi safety was your first priority at the moment.

“C’mere girl! C’mon! Don’t be scared!” She hurriedly runs past the fire as she jumps in your arms. Suddenly, you hear the sound of wood snapping and you immediately throw maxi off the ship as a big piece of wood fell. You manage to dodge it just in time before it could crush you.

You hear maxi barking and you turn around to see her safely in the boat with grim by her side who looked like he was about ready to pass out.

“Y/n! Please get off the ship, it's dangerous!” But before you could shout back, you could feel the floor starting to crack and the ship was now starting to sink. The fire also has gotten worse and spread everywhere as you desperately tried to find a way out.

“Fuck it” And you jumped off the ship.

All the other boats were far away so you tried to desperately swim back to grim and maxis boat. But as you did, the waves have just gotten bigger. You tried and tried to swim but you couldn’t as the waves pushed you further and further away. Maxi barks worriedly as you struggle to swim to their boat. Grim’s worried shouts were slowly going muffled as you let the waves and water drag you down.

I’m going to die aren’t I?

But before you could let your consciousness slip away, you see a strange figure swim towards you. The last thing you saw was a man with black hair and eyes.

-

Grim searched for you everywhere as the ship went down. Yelling commands and telling everyone to keep an eye out for you.

But the more they search, their hope’s for finding you alive and well disappear.

The princess was dead….

Shinichiro saw all this go down. The moment he saw those waves take you down he quickly swam after you. He looked around desperately until he saw you. He put his arm around your shoulder as he started dragging you back up to the surface. The moment the two of you were up, he turned to see that everyone was gone. He turns to you to see your face.

Even in this state, you make his heart flutter.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take you somewhere safe”

-

The moment grim and the rest of the crew arrive back to the palace, the king and queen were in shambles.

Your father ordered for a rescue team to go and look for you as your mother cried. They couldn’t believe it. Just yesterday you were here and in high spirits because they allowed you to go celebrate your birthday out in the sea! And now you’re gone?!

No!

No one will rest until their daughter is back safe and sound! And if you really are dead, then they won’t stop until they retreat your body from the deep sea!

Grim can only sit down in guilt for not being able to do the one thing he swore to your parents the day you were born. Protect you.

“Please come back….”

-

“SHINICHIRO! PLEASE GET OVER HERE YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE UP HERE IN THE OPEN LIKE THAT!” The small fish yelled out. Shinichiro could only stare at you in awe as he watched you sleep.

Cute

“Shinichiro!”

“Yes flounder?” Still not paying attention to his fish friend as the small fish huffs.

“Shin! We need to go now! Your grandfather would be angry if he finds out you are up here on the surface! Especially if he finds out you saved a human!”

The young man sighs before moving a piece of hair out of your face. He smiles, how can someone be so beautiful?

“Shin-“ Suddenly, a loud bark could be heard in the distance. Shinichiro's eyes widen as he looks up to see the same strange creature from the ship last night. He gasps before looking down at you again and then to his friend flounder who's freaking out and telling shinichiro to hurry and get in the water.

“Shin hurry!”

“I am I am!” He yells as he takes one last look at you. But as he did, he notices that you’re slowly starting to wake up. Your eyes slowly open and you wince as the harsh sun blinded you. But as you looked at your surroundings, you notice a young man staring at you.

He was a bit blurry but you could still make out his appearance. Shin smiles before quickly diving back in the water. He hides behind a nearby rock as you groan about the headache that you’re having. Maxi barks get louder as she excitedly licked your face while a surprised yet relieved man picks up the pace and starts rushing towards you.

Shinichiro only watches as the strange male picks you up. Your eyes were now fully opened and you could see the worried look on the males face.

Shinichiro only hopes he can see you again soon….

-

When your parents saw you in the arms of a young man, they couldn’t be more relieved to see you alive! You were quietly staring at the young man who “saved” you as your mother and father along with grim and some other servants rush to your aid.

Was this him? Did he save you? Is this your hero?

The mysterious man hands you off to your father who quickly orders the servants to call in the royal doctor. Everyone is in a rush to make sure you’re okay. Grim is relieved to see you again and well but he couldn’t help but feel a sense of guilt. He was still angry at himself for not being able to protect you that night.

You get taken away by the doctors as both your mother and father thank the man. The man just politely bows, telling your parents that it was nothing and that he’s glad you are okay.

-

You have been in your bed for days. Not once did you want to get up from the comfort of your own bed. You’ve been thinking hard the past few days, especially about what happened that night.

Your memory is still a bit fuzzy but the feeling of someone’s hands wrapped around your body before you fell unconscious.

Did the man from a few days ago save you that night?

You tried real hard to remember anything about that person’s face. But nothing.

At some point you just let it go and think maybe it’s someone you hallucinated while in the brink of death.

No man can possibly be out in those dangerous waters without a ship, right?

“Ashley” The timid maid flinched before quickly rushing to your side.

“Yes miss y/n?”

“Tell my parents I want to meet the man that saved me”

“Of course miss y/n!”

-

You stared at the man in front of you as he nervously smiles before bowing.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you miss y/n!” You continued to stare.

Black hair

But

Green eyes

Green eyes….

Did he always have green eyes?

No…you could’ve sworn they were black

Must’ve been the sun then…

“Thank you”

“Huh?”

“For saving me, thank you” His cheeks turned bright red as you smiled.

Whoa…what a gorgeous smile

He thinks.

“I-it’s nothing! Really! I’m just glad that I was able to find you and return you to your family safely!”

How…kind

“What’s your name?”

“Vincent! Vincent DeRoss”

“Nice to meet you Vincent” He just nods and you find his shyness cute.

But something told you that this isn’t the man that saved you.

But what can you do? He was the one who brought you back home.

Maybe I’m still not over the incident…

Yeah that has to be it

-

You spent the last few weeks with Vincent. You found out that he came from a noble family. He has a passion for art, cooking, and writing.

Many men nowadays don’t have much passion about anything. But Vincent was different.

He’s such a gentleman and a good person from what you seen the last couple weeks.

Vincent was sitting on a bench while you sat on the ground with your head down on the bench. You stared at Vincent as he read to you.

He has such a smoothing voice.

But, it doesn’t sound like the same voice you heard that night.

Don’t worry, I’ll take you somewhere safe

That voice…no…they don’t sound the same

Not even close

“Y/n?” Your eyes met his green ones.

Green…they’re green, not black.

“Mm?” Vincent shyly smiles.

“It’s getting late. I think it’s time for me to go” You look up and notice how the sky has started to become dark.

“Mm you’re right”

“We can finish the book tomorrow. Only have a few pages left” You smile before nodding. He smiles before getting up from the bench. He helps you up as you dust off any dirt on your dress.

“Thank you for reading to me again Vincent. Sorry for causing trouble”

“No it’s fine! Besides, I-I love reading to you” You raise a brow in surprise as the poor man’s face becomes red. You giggle before giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you. I appreciate it” the poor boy couldn’t trust himself to speak so he only nods.

After Vincent left, you decided that sleep should wait a bit more. You walk down the sandy shore. The cold breeze and the sound of the ocean relaxed you.

You closed your eyes as you enjoyed the silent moment.

Until you heard it

The sound of water splashing

You open your eyes and look. But you see no one.

Weird

You could’ve sworn you heard a splashing sound. You decided to ignore it and continue your walk. Until…you heard it again.

This time however, you could hear a voice.

Now you were curious.

So, you decided to follow it. The sound of water splashing and the faint whispers were getting louder and louder as you walked towards a big rock.

“Shh! She’ll hear us!”

“You know you’re not allowed to be up here! Especially this late!”

“Of c’mon flounder! Don’t be like that!”

“…..”

“Eh? Are you okay flounder?”

“…..”

“Flounder?” But the fish stays silent. That’s when shinichiro finally turns around when he sees you.

Staring

Directly

At

Him

The three of you don’t say anything. His friend too scared to talk while shinichiro is mesmerized by you.

And you, you were staring at him. Completely stun.

Those eyes

Black eyes

Black hair

And

Tail

Wait….TAIL?

You gasp once you realized that he had a tail.

“You”

He stares in awe

“You”

“You…have a tail?”

“Mhm”

“Shinichiro! Snap out of it!” That finally gets him back to reality as his eyes widen once he realizes what’s going on.

“Ah! Ye-no! I don’t have a tail!” He says as he quickly ducks down underwater.

“W-wait! Don’t go!” You yell, he slowly comes up as he stares at you.

“I-I….im sorry for scaring you…um…”

“I didn’t mean to startle you or anything. I um…what’s your name?” He stays quiet.

“Um well my name is y/n”

“Y/n?”

“Mhm!”

Cute he thinks

What a beautiful name. It suits her very much.

“Shinichiro”

“Shinichiro?”

“Mhm”

“What….what a nice name” The young merman can feel his cheeks heat up.

She thinks my name is nice?

“So, what are you doing out here? Isn’t it dangerous for sea folks to…be out here?”

“It is actually yet this dork doesn’t want to listen to me!” Shinichiro rolls his eyes as his little friend continues to scold him.

“You can’t be out here this late shin! What will your grandfather say if he sees you out here this late! Especially when you’re currently talking to a human!”

“Don’t mind him, he’s a bit paranoid”

“P-p-paranoid?! What do you mean paranoid?!”

“Your friend is cute” You say. Shinichiro freezes before glaring at his friend.

“Cute? Nah….” You giggle.

“And you? What are you doing out here?”

“Mm? Oh well I’m just here for a walk”

“A Walk?”

“Mhm but then I got distracted”

“Ah yes sorry about that!”

His voice…it sounds so familiar

“You have such a beautiful tail”

“Huh?” His cheeks were a light pink.

“You think so?”

“Mhm, do all mer folks have beautiful tails?” You ask curiously. Shinichiro heart melts at your curiousness about his people.

“Yeah, we all do” Your eyes light up.

“Really?” You ask excitedly. Shinichiro swears he’s going to die of your cuteness.

“What else do you guys do? Where do you live? What do you eat?” Shinichiro tries to answer all your questions but you kept cutting him off. You notice and you quickly shut up as you could feel your face burn up.

“A-ah sorry! I just got a little to excited”

“No it’s fine! I’m happy you’re interested at us merfolks” You can see how happy he was to be able to explain to you everything about his and his people’s culture, daily life, and history!

The two of you spent the whole night talking about each other’s culture and history until the early hours of the morning.

Shinichiro is happy that you finally know who he is

Maybe

The two of you could be something more?

-

“Y/n!” Your eyes quickly shot open as you looked around.

“Huh?”

“Dear, did you get any sleep last night?” Your mother worriedly asks.

Right

You were up talking to shinichiro last night until the early morning.

“Did you and Vincent stay up late yesterday?” Your mother asks. You just nervously nod as a teasing smiles creeps up on her face.

You mentally groan

Great she’s going to start teasing me

“Oh dear” She giggles.

There was nothing else you could’ve said. If you told her and your father that you stay up talking to a stranger (a merman in fact) they would’ve thought you’ve grown mad!

“Aw aren’t you two just so cute! I can’t wait for the wedding!” She shouts before gasping as she quickly covers her mouth.

Wedding?

What wedding?

“Um, what wedding?”

“Sorry! Im sorry I just got excited and it just slipped out!” Your father just shakes his head with a smile as he tries to calm down his babbling wife who is still spilling out apologies.

But you on the other hand were still confused

What wedding?

Your father clears his throat before fixing his posture.

“Well dear, Vincent parents and us had a talk a few days ago about…” He tries to find the right words to say but your mother interrupts by standing up from her chair and with great excitement she says….

“For you and Vincent wedding!”

Oh

OH

“Me and Vincent? Wedding?” She nods her head in excitement.

“Is Vincent okay with this? Does he know?” You were worried that you might’ve drag him into a marriage that he didn’t know or consent to.

“Oh dear he was over the moon!” Your mom exclaims as your father scoffs.

“That young man was in cloud nine”

“He was a blushing mess when his parents broke the news to him”

“Oh my sweet child! You know Vincent likes you a lot right?” You quickly feel your face heat up as you looked away. Embarrassed.

“Ah…that’s”

“Cute right?! Oh! I can’t wait!”

“Besides, that young man was the one who saved you. Without him, we would probably have not found you….” You can hear the sadness in your mother’s words.

She’s right

Vincent is my hero

“So, what do you say dear?” Both your parents stared at you intensely. Curious about your answer.

“I….would like that”

Besides

He’s your hero

He was the one who saved you.

Right?

-

You spent weeks going back and forth between Vincent and shinichiro.

There were days where you would spend your whole day with Vincent as the two of you would stroll around the palace gardens, go to town, or the library.

He was such a gentleman that every time he does something you can’t help but feel your heart race against your chest.

His smile, laugh, jokes, the way he would hold your hand and make sure you were alright. Him cooking for you, bringing you flowers, and the beautiful love poems he would write for you.

He was acting like the perfect husband already!

And then there were days where you would be with shinichiro. The two of you would talk about various things and you two have grown closer with each other.

To you, you and shinichiro have a close friendship. You think of him as a close friend. Someone you can talk to about anything and everything.

While shinichiro thinks that a beautiful love story is unfolding. The poor boy would grow flustered when you would compliment or bring him stuff after you found out about his fascination with human stuff.

Those weeks soon turned into months as your and Vincent wedding day is approaching.

And while you were preparing for your special day, shinichiro was preparing for his special day with you.

His confession

And to make it more special, his deal with the sea witch.

Kisaki tetta

He will finally be able to be with you like he always dreamed of.

-

It was dark under the sea. Everyone was asleep including his grandfather and siblings. Guards were up keeping the Palace safe while shinichiro sneaks from his bedroom window.

He’s heard about the sea witch alright. He makes deals with merfolks and other stuff.

Shinichiro didn’t really remember what else his friend told him as he was to busy imagining his future with you.

But the only thing he remembers was that the sea witch can grant you anything you wish for

That’s a great deal!

He can’t believe that it’s that easy

He’s finally going to be with you

As the young merman day dreams about your life together, he was unable to hear his name being called.

Not until something smacks him

“Ow!”

“Shin! What do you think you’re doing!”

“Flounder?! How did you-“

“I followed you”

“Why?” He frowns. His friend just sighs.

“I knew something was up when you asked wakasa about the sea witch. Don’t tell me you are planning to meet up with him are you?” He just gives his friend a sheepish smile as he looks anywhere but his friend.

“Oh god please don’t-“

“But listen! I’ll finally be able to be with y/n!” The fish just shakes his head as shinichiro continues to ramble about his Fantasies.

“Shinichiro, I’m serious when I tell you that you can’t go and make a deal with the sea witch”

“Why not?” He asks with a pout and his arms crossed.

“There’s a reason why the sea witch was banned from Atlantica”

“Huh?” Now this was new, shinichiro never knew this.

“He was banned because-“ but before the poor guy could tell him, a menacing voice called out to them.

“Ah look what we have here” shinichiro turns around to see a mereel. His smile big and menacing as he shows off his sharp teeth.

“What do we have the pleasure of seeing a royal here mmh?”

“And you are?”

“Ah, the names hanma , hanma shuji but you can call me shuji”

“Oh, it’s nice meeting you shuji”

“So? Why are you here? If my mind isn’t fooling me then atlantica is over there” He points behind shinichiro.

“I’m here to meet the sea witch” hanma eyes glow with mischief as he smiles largely.

“Ah you are here to meet kisaki, correct?” Shin only nods.

“Mm follow me” He does as he says as the eel takes him into a cave.

“Shin no!” Flounder sighs as he quickly follows behind.

This is it, he will finally be able to be with you

This is all worth it

He’s sure of it

-

3 days

In 3 days you are going to get married

You and Vincent have been preparing for this for months.

You can’t believe it. You will finally be able to marry the love of your life.

Right?

You smile at the mirror as you gaze at the necklace sitting on your neck.

It’s beautiful

Vincent got it as a present for you.

How nice

You suddenly hear a knock at the door as you were admiring the necklace.

“Come in” a maid walks in as she bows before speaking.

“Miss. Y/n, someone is here to see you”

“To see me?” You asked confused. You don’t remember inviting anyone today.

“Mhm, A young man miss” Your brows furrowed as you took off the necklace and gently put it back into your jewelry box as you stood up.

“Take me to him now”

You were definitely not ready to see the sight before you as you saw shinichiro. He was wearing a rag as grim was trying to get him to leave.

“Shin?” He quickly snaps his head to your direction as he smiles.

He waves before trying to walking to you. His legs wobble a bit and you weren’t able to catch the pain on his face as he was walking to you. At some point he fell and you caught him as he blushes furiously.

“Are you okay?” He only nods as he could feel his heart starting to pound against his chest.

So close

He’s so close to you and you’re holding him

But shit does his feet hurt

It feels like he’s stepping on knives

After all, kisaki did warn him about the side effects.

The night before

Shinichiro follows closely behind as hanma led him further and further into the cave. He stops once he sees polyps. They cry in agony as he swims by.

“Don’t mind them” shin only nods as the polyps continue to cry.

After what felt like forever. Hanma stops as he loudly yells “kisaki! You have a visitor!”

Shinichiro only gulps as he hears a groan as Kisaki curses out hanma.

“Don’t worry! He’s in a good mood today!”

“Oh..”

“Come!” Hanma drags him to Kisaki as the young merman was starting to rethink about his decision.

No! Don’t think that now shinichiro! It’s going to be all worth it when you and y/n get married!

“So?”

“Huh?” Kisaki rolls his eyes as he sits down.

“What do you desire? That’s what you’re here for, no?”

“Ah yes!” Kisaki nods as he swims to his pot.

“So, what could possibly be something you want as a royal. I mean, you have everything don’t you?”

“Not everything” he sadly mumbles as he rubs his arm.

“So what is it?”

“I-I…I want to become human” both Kisaki and hanma eyes widen.

“Mm, interesting”

“Whys that?”

“I want to be with the princess” hanma laughs as Kisaki glares at him.

“You want to be with a princess? Human princess?”

“Yes…”

“Does this princess even know you?” Kisaki asks. Very curious about this request.

“She does! In fact, we talk all the time!”

“So you go up to the surface”

“Yep”

“That’s a stupid move there”

“What?!”

“As much as I don’t want to agree with him, he’s right”

He only rolls his eyes.

“I heard that you have a potion that can turn a mer to a human. Is that true?”

“Oh it’s true all right”

“But”

“But?”

“That comes with a cost”

“That’s fine. I have money with me right here” shin then points at the pouch that he’s holding. But Kisaki shakes his head.

“Not money”

“What?”

“Did you do any research before coming here?” Hanma asks.

“Uh I um”

“Then no”

“You see, I don’t take money. I take something else”

“Then what is it? I’ll give it to you! Anything!” Both Kisaki and hanma give each other a look before looking back at the desperate prince.

“Mmm what’s more important than money…” kisaki says as he thinks about what he should take from him.

“How about his voice?” Kisaki eyes light up as he nods.

“Ah yes! Your voice!”

“My what?”

“His what?!” Flounder screams out as shin tries to calm him down.

“Your voice. I want your voice and we have a deal”

“I-I but how will I-“

“Your voice or no deal”

Shinichiro thinks for a bit.

His voice or no future with you

He wants to be with you

Ever since he first saw you

You made him want to do anything for you

Flounder eyes wide as he shakes his head no when shinichiro looks at him.

He then looks back at the two who were waiting for his answer.

“Deal. I’ll do it” Kisaki smiles as he snaps his fingers.

A gold scroll appears in front of him as he grins.

“Sign here”

“Um with what?” His grin grows wider as he orders hanma.

Hanma swims up to shinichiro before grabbing his hand and biting shinichiro finger.

“Ow!”

“Now sign here”

He does what Kisaki says and the gold scroll disappears.

“Now for your voice”

He didn’t know why but shinichiro started to grow nervous.

His eyes widen as one of Kisaki many tentacles brings out a knife.

“Open up”

“W-what?”

“You already signed your name. No backing out now”

Shin just nods before closing his eyes and opening his mouth. He can feel Kisaki grab his tongue and the cold blade resting on his tongue.

The cold metal didn’t ease his nerves and soon he felt the piercing blade cut his tongue. Tears stream down his cheeks as the pain was to much.

Flounder eyes were shut. He couldn’t stand seeing his friend in pain.

“Done”

Blood was coming out as he covers his mouth with both of his hand. Kisaki gives him a recovery potion to stop the bleeding before giving him the one thing he came here for.

The potion to turn him human

Shinichiro eyes the bottle curiously as Kisaki hands him it.

“But I have to warn you. Yes the potion will give you legs but once you become human you won’t be able to return to the sea”

“Consuming this potion will feel like a sword passing through your body but when you recover you will have two legs and will be able to dance like no human has ever danced before. But since you exchange your tail for legs, the pain of losing your tail won’t ever leave you”

“It will feel like you are walking on sharp knives and your feet will most likely bleed. But you’ll finally have legs”

“Ah I forgot to tell you! The pain will go away BUT that’s if the princess falls in love with you and marries you. You have 3 days and if you don’t get her to fall in love with you and marry you, at dawn on the third day you will die from a broken heart and dissolve into sea foam”

Shinichiro just nods before looking at the potion.

He takes a deep breath before opening the cap and consuming the potion. The pain of swords pierce through his body as he closes his eyes. He feels his tail rip away from him and he’s starting to have trouble breathing.

Flounder quickly pulls him up and all the way to the surface as Kisaki and hanma watch them leave.

“Poor boy” hanma suddenly says.

“He chose to do it”

“Let’s just see if he’ll be any of the lucky ones”

…..

Your smile makes him think that this was all worth it. You help him up as he wobbles, still not use to his new legs and also the pain.

“Grim! Help him clean up and please get him some proper clothes”

“Do you know this boy?” You nod.

“I do” you look at shinichiro and smile

“He’s a very good friend” Grim just nods before taking shinichiro away. The boy looks at you one last time as he gets taken away to get cleaned up.

-

After shinichiro was washed and clothed, you took him to the palace garden.

“How did you do that?” He tilts his head and you giggle.

“Legs, how did you get legs?” He opens his mouth but stops as he remembers, he can’t speak.

He quickly digs into his pouch before taking out a notebook and pen. He quickly write down something before showing it to you.

“Potion?” He nods his head.

“Did that potion have something to do with your voice?” He nods again.

“Ah no wonder you weren’t talking back there. For a moment I thought you were growing shy” you teased as his cheeks turn pink.

“C’mon, since you are on land I want to show you everything there is to see!” You grab his hand and drag him back to the palace.

He ignores the pain of his feet as he stares at your interlocked hands.

This was definitely worth it

-

You spent the whole day in town with shinichiro. Showing him various things as he stares at everything with awe. Food, stores, parades, everything! He saw everything as you dragged him everywhere.

After a long day, the two of you made it back to the palace.

“Did you have fun?” He nods as he smiles. He won a game and his prize was a small fish. He loved it.

You giggle

He’s so cute

The memories of that night came again

Don’t worry, I’ll take you somewhere safe

Black hair

Black eyes

Storm

Water

Save

Hero

You groan as you held your head in your hands. Shinichiro rushes to your side as he gives you a worried look.

“It’s nothing. Sorry to worry you” you offer him a smile which seems to calm him down a little bit.

“It’s getting late, we should go to sleep”

“Ashley!”

“Yes miss!”

“Show shinichiro to his room please” the maid nods before bowing and signaling shin to follow her. He quickly takes out his notebook before writing something down and showing it to you.

“Good night” You smile

“Good night shin” and he leaves

You then quietly walk back to your room as you think about today.

Shin

He looks so happy here

I wonder why he decided to drink a potion to become human.

-

Day 2

You had one more day until your wedding with Vincent.

You are supposed to be happy!

But after yesterday, you couldn’t help but feel…off

“Was it really Vincent who saved me?” You ask yourself.

Also

Do you really love him?

You gasp as that thought crossed your mind

“What am I saying?! Ugh I need some fresh air” you get up from your vanity chair before walking out to your balcony. You breathe in the fresh air as you watched them load up the ship.

Right

Your wedding will be out in the sea

Took some convincing but it’s finally happening

You watch as people were getting everything ready for tomorrow.

“May I come in?” Vincent voice made you turn around as you saw him walk in.

“Vincent” You say breathlessly

“Nervous?”

“A Little”

He smiles as he walks up to you and hugs you from behind. He gives you a kiss on the cheek before nuzzling his face on the crook of your neck.

“You smell wonderful” You giggle as you brush your fingers through his hair.

“Are you nervous for tomorrow?”

“A Little” you smiled as he gives you another kiss but this time on the neck.

“Save it for the wedding” He chuckles.

“Let’s go out”

“Out?”

“Yes, I have a little surprise for you” You smile as you turn around and kiss him.

But unbeknownst to the two of you, there at the doorway stood shinichiro who was holding a red rose.

He drops it as he sees you and Vincent kissing

No no no no! No this can’t be true

No

No

He quickly turns around before walking away

You….have someone already? But you never mentioned anyone when the two of you would talk!

He feels his heart ache

-

A few hours before dawn

You woke up extra early today

Everyone was in such a rush as they prepared everything for today. They had to make sure everything was perfect! Not a single mistake.

As everyone rushed to get everything ready for the wedding, you walk to shinichiro room.

You knocked at his door

“May I come in” it took sometime before you heard a knock. You opened the door and there on the bed laid shinichiro.

You smiled seeing him

You walked towards his bed before sitting down.

“You might be confused about why everyone is in such a rush” He just stares at the ceiling.

“And I know you might not know this but…I’m getting married today” finally he looked at you and all he gave you was a smile.

He took out his notebook before writing something down.

“Congratulations”

“….thank you….”

Silence

“I want you to come to the celebration”

“I have something picked out for you that I think will look really nice on you” You then laid out a very nice suit for him.

“I think this will look really good on you”

He sits up and inspects it. He looks at you before smiling and writing down a “thank you”

You just nod before getting up

“Well then, I’ll leave you be for now”

And you were gone

Shinichiro stares at the suit as tears rolled down his face.

He wishes it was him you are marrying

-

Everything was done

All the preparations were completed and now the ship was sailing.

You were in your white wedding dress and oh you looked absolutely stunning.

The maids all complimented you as you put on your earrings.

“So stunning!” You smiled and thanked her.

“Aw can’t believe you are getting married! It feels like it was just yesterday when you were running around the palace walls in diapers.

“R-ruby!” she just laughs as you looked away in embarrassment. You sigh before looking at the mirror one last time.

It’s time

Shinichiro could feel his heart break as he watches you walk down the aisle. His hands were made into tight fists as your father hands you off to Vincent.

“Do you, Vincent take y/n as your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in matrimony, to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, to have and to hold, from this day forward, as long as you both shall live?”

Shin can see the absolute love in his eyes as he stares into your own.

“I do”

“Do you, y/n take Vincent as your lawfully wedded husband, to live together in matrimony, to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, to have and to hold, from this day forward, as long as you both shall live?”

Shinichiro looks away. Not being able to see your face or expressions.

“I do…”

“By the authority vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife” Everyone cheers as Vincent pulls you into a kiss.

It’s over

The day was filled with joy as everyone danced, sang and drank to their hearts content while also congratulating the newly weds.

Everyone was happy

Except for some

Shinichiro locked himself in his room as everyone celebrated. He wasn’t strong enough to see your happy face and smile.

And you

You faked a smile as everyone congratulated you

Something didn’t feel right

After what seemed like hours, everything died down and people went to sleep. Shinichiro walks out and he was met with dead silence.

He walks closer to the ledge before letting his tears flow down.

“Shin!” He quickly opens his eyes to see….emma?!

He quickly grabs his notebook before jolting something down.

“Emma?! What are you doing here?!”

“It’s not only just her” He then sees wakasa, takeomi, benkai, Mikey, and izana emerge from the waters.

“You idiot! Why did you make a deal with Kisaki?!”

“Big brother! Please come home! We miss you!” His heart ache seeing his little siblings tears.

He quickly writes down something

“I’m sorry”

Takeomi scoffs before throwing him something. Shin was able to catch it as his eyes widen at what he saw.

A dagger

“Don’t worry about how we got it but Kisaki said that if you kill the princess and have her blood drip down your legs then you’ll become a merman again!”

“Please big brother! Come back!”

“Just do it please!”

“Shin” Emma cries out and he holds the dagger close to his heart.

“Please…just do it” benkai says. He looks down at the dagger.

He needs to kill you.

Soon the others leave. Waiting for his return.

He turns around and leaves and makes his way to you and Vincent bedroom.

He slowly opens the door and there he sees both you and Vincent sleeping peacefully.

Now or never

He slowly creeps up to you and Vincent bed. He lifts up the dagger and before it made any contact with your body he drops it. His tears stream down his face as his hands shake.

No no he can’t do it! He can’t kill you he can’t!

He leans down and gives your forehead a kiss before writing down something on a piece of paper and leaving it by your night stand.

He picks up the dagger before walking out the room quietly.

But unbeknownst to him, you were still up and only pretended to sleep. You carefully sat up before grabbing the note he left behind.

Dear y/n

I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you about my feelings before. The truth is, I fell in love with you when I first saw you that night on the ship. And when the stormed hit, I was the one who saved you and brought you to shore. I stood by your side that night. Never left you in fear that you will get hurt. And also, I made a deal with the sea witch to be able to have legs so I can be with you. And that’s why I couldn’t speak, because he cut off my tongue which was apart of the deal. Of course it hurt but it was all worth it to be able to see you again. I just hope that Vincent treats you right and that you are happy

Sincerely,

Shinichiro

You didn’t realize that tears were streaming down your face as you finished reading. You quickly got up from the bed before putting on your slippers and leaving the room.

Shinichiro throws the dagger in the water before finally throwing himself off the ship.

All his pain and struggles leave him the moment his body hit the waters. And what use to be a merman and human, was now sea foam.

You on the other hand ran to shinichiro room. But the moment you opened the door you didn’t see him anywhere.

“Shin? Where are you!”

You then ran out and decided to look everywhere. But nothing. He was nowhere to be found.

And that’s when you completely lost it

Your breakdown quickly awoken everyone on the ship as you screamed out shins name. And the moment you looked down at the ground was when your heart broke.

It was his notebook and pen…

And you looked up to see the ledge

He jumped….

Tears streamed down your face as people started leaving their rooms to check up on what’s going on.

“Y/n?” It was your mother.

Tears streamed down your face as you turned around.

Everyone gasps as they see a knife in your hands.

“Y/n!” It was Vincent. He started shaking as he sees the knife in your hands and the tears running down your face.

“Love what’s going on?”

“I’m sorry”

“W-what?”

Everyone screams as you stabbed yourself with the knife.

You stabbed your heart

Your body drops down to the floor as your mother, father, Vincent and grim rush to you.

“Y/n!!”

The end

-

Sorry for taking years to finish this but I hoped you guys enjoyed!

I got inspiration by Hans Christian Andersen “little mermaid”! And Disney little mermaid!

And I also made some stuff along the way so lol

I really hope this was good because I would cry if it isn’t/hj

I was listening to part of your world (reprise ll) on loop while writing this😭 really got me emotional💔 Halle voice is just so beautiful💕💕 (i suggest listening to it on repeat as you read along, made me cry while writing the part where he makes a deal with Kisaki lol)

[theghooligan]

if manila mikey straddled me like that while pointing a gun at me i would simply let him. takemichi and i are not the same.