#She was literally crying over the fact that she lost a bracelet that belonged to her great grandmother

[olivsie]

I believe with my whole chest that if haley was Suicidal Instead of a Stereotypical mean girl at the start. Everyone would flaunt around her And speak of her as if she Ascended from heaven itself. Because for some fucked up reason we associate suicidalness and depression with a sense of honor/purity/excuse. And As somebody who used to Really struggle with that kind of stuff. I think it's very disgusting. These are not things that make you Honorable/ Excuse you for bad behavior. Sure they can be EXPLANATIONS for bad behavior, excuse? Maybe sometimes but.,still. Let us Not forget that Many people will Try to use Their daily struggles as Excuses; ex, "The only reason I screamed at you was because I had a bad day And I don't want you to talk to me"

Now to be fair, I don't think that Shane himself is using it as an excuse too much. Sure he is Being extremely rude But if I Remember correctly, He never tries to use it as an excuse. It's the fanbase doing that, not him.

honestly love that in the sdv community there will be judgement on who you marry except if you ‘marry’ Krobus

You marry Haley? Humiliation fetish

Alex? He’s sexist

Krobus? He’s a shadow man who lives in sewer and will give you hugs why wouldn’t you be roommates with him

[polyamorouspunk]

Ramblings about my concert

General topics include things like social isolation n gender n social roles n system stuff n shit

SO

Where do I even start? I guess I’ll just write what comes to mind so no promises for continuity especially in terms of positive and negative stuff.

Right now I’m just dealing with the fact I had the best night of the last few years of my life where I had friends, like actual friends for the first time since moving down here and finally feeling like I really belonged and was valued some place and now it’s all gone. Even when I went to pride and handed out bracelets I walked up to people and they said hi and thanked me and walked away. I was all by myself and I honestly didn’t make any friends. The one person who truly talked to me was an older butch lesbian who said I see what you’re doing and it’s kind of you. And like she told me her name and we shook hands and like… I felt seen. And I felt so seen last night in a way I haven’t felt in so long I’m literally about to cry okay.

So I got to the venue at like 3:15 because we only have one car so my mom drove me and just hung out in the area doing things. I’ve gone on longer drives with my partner without her but I think still a part of it was it’s a late night (we got home at 12:45am) and she wanted to make sure I was safe, because like… I’m 22 but still treated as the child of the family which is fine but it’s true. Like 2 years ago my mom literally like told my brother to walk me across the road and I’m like I’m fucking 20 years old-But anyway yeah got there at 3:15 I was like the 7thish person in line. I looked around and I mean I literally told my mom I was just going to go sit on the curb and listen to a podcast. I put my earbuds in and the HOTTEST FUCKING GUY and his little brother (going to refer to them as K and A bc they’re relevant) came up in line behind me. K started talking to the people around me so I pulled my earbuds out and actually talked. I talked to the 5 people around me (K, A, an active service member, and another guy) for over an hour and a half. We literally just shot the shit for hours talking about everything and anything.

Eventually they pulled us into a VIP line where the other guy, K, A, me, and a girl dressed as Chucky (we’ll call her 217 bc that’s her username?) we’re the first 5 people in line respectfully (notice how they were behind me… and then they were in front of me… but okay…) meaning that we literally got To The Front Of The Stage.

Band played trivia with the VIP group (we lost- shocker) and then did a Q&A before giving us early access to the merch table. I asked K, A, and 217 if they wanted to go to the merch line and 217 said she was good so K, A, and I went and got in line. By this point it’s been like 2 hours of us talking nonstop and K turns to me and was like hey… if anything happens to me, can you keep an eye on A? And I was like of course I was planning on it anyway. A is 15 and in high school and it was his first concert and K was his wanna-be bad boy older brother (who mind you, was STILL the hottest fucking guy).

However by this point my praternal instincts kicked in and my “I need to adopt all weird emo children” over-rid my “this guy is really hot and I want to make out with him” instinct because K kept talking over A and I could tell A never really got a word in because his brother was just so much more confident, and so I focused on A and really listened to what he had to say and we became fast friends. Before the 3rd band even went on we were speaking in unison roasting K. He was like I feel so ganged up on and it was like yeah because you’re the confident one who we can joke about.

217 had actually saved our spots for us?? Which was like amazing because like idk we only talked to her for like half an hour?

K (23) was 100% smitten with 217 (27), which, like, listen apparently I also have a thing for girls dressed as Chucky because she is NOT the first girl dressed as Chucky I have stared at nonstop… which brings me into a whole nother world of “Do I Actually Like Girls Or Is Savvy Just Here™️” which… is bothering me a bit, tbh. And speaking of that A referred to me as she/her the whole time which I didn’t have the heart to correct him on but I did introduce myself as “Sav”. He thought I said Seth and I was like uh no my name is Savanna but Sav is a bit more gender neutral. Anyway, K was like so do you have an Instagram and I turned to talk to just him and I’m like she literally just said she’s DMing the lead singer, you don’t stand a fucking chance. They did trade instagrams and I followed her on the band’s social media app. In theory I could get A and K’s instagrams from her, but also I didn’t ask for A and K’s info myself because like… I just didn’t know, man. I mean I spilled everything to A because we just talked for hours and like… my Instagram is Savvy’s. Like. I talked about being cottagecore as well and like no one really got it… like idk. And now I think I’m still present enough that like scrolling through my dash I was kind of like cringe at all the cottagecore content we follow and my brain was like fuck this I should make my main account more like this because this is what we’re (I’m?) really into right now but that also doesn’t seem fair to Savvy. She’s put a lot of work into her cottagecore content. I guess I just don’t vibe with it right now.

So yeah I adopted A as my new child and fell back into that “mother-son” friendship role I had with my emo friends in high school and then… I got adopted by the hottest guy in the world minus the lead singer of the band who was… literally a year older than me… because… I related more to his 15 year old brother in high school than… someone my own age…

He was like lol I’m going through a divorce don’t get married and 217 was like same and I’m like ? I’m a child ? My mom drove me here ? My mom is driving me home ? Which I did NOT say because that’s embarrassing but 😓 yeah

Idk what else to say. The band was good. 217 wasn’t kidding when she said she was buddy-buddy with the lead singer. I liked her for the most part except at the end he threw her a water bottle and the people behind us caught it and she turned around and was like “he was giving that to me” at them which felt like… idk a little entitled? And like I was worried about being a weird fan“girl” but this 27 y/o was literally like *fixes her hair* haha yeah me and the lead singer DM on the down-low *bats her eyelashes* which like… she was pretty. And once again I see a girl dressed as Chucky and I feel out of place with my short hair and weird gender and just… I miss feeling pretty and like… getting attention from really hot 23 y/o guys because I… look trans… I feel like I can’t win.

There was another person K started talking to who gave me major trans vibes and they were also super fanish. Me and A were kind of just chilling and casually nodding and headbanging. We didn’t jump around and mosh. I don’t jump/mosh because my boobs are huge and it’s really uncomfortable for me. So like if I get top surgery I probably would… but also like… fuck this sometimes I just want cis guys to look at me and see a hot alt girl because like… idk I see a cis guy and I think he’s hot and I’m like that’s great but he’s not going to date you when you look like a fucking tr*nny… bc you are… god it’s so complicated.

And like yeah… we been knew I have the biggest crush on the lead singer (BECAUSE WHO DOSENT, OKAY? THERE ARE MEMES ABOUT HIM MAKING STRAIGHT MEN QUESTION THEIR SEXUALITY, OKAY?) and like yeah I’m a jealous person seeing him pay a lot of attention to 217 was a bit jealousy inducing especially when this really hot guy who had given me like all his attention and felt like he was trying to impress me turned and did the same to her too… he had a lot more in common with her in terms of like social maturity than I did with either of them. I was on the social maturity level of his 15 y/o brother.

All that depressing stuff aside though, people like… actually complimented me? Talked to me? About things I enjoyed? And I felt more like myself than I have in forever and like… sometimes I think I’ve just become this reserved person who puts on a face and that’s true, and I think that’s the new “real me” (hate that phrase for so many reasons) but then I get a taste of the vibrant person I used to be and I just crave it… I was a social butterfly even as a weird nuerodivergent outcast. I thrived in high school. It was when I hit college and I didn’t know anyone I started closing up and keeping to myself because I suddenly lost all my friends and the people I related to. And my family is great, and I mean they support me 100% but I just… can’t talk and act like myself around them. At work I barely say anything. Talking to my family I love them but I’m clearly the odd one out. Half my wardrobe is Van Gogh yellow shirts and denim overalls and rainbow striped shirts if someone who has like artsy tumblr gay fashion… and that’s me too… I do feel at home in clothes like that… but idk. It’s like that’s Savvy, the Savvy that should have been, the “ideal girl version” of the “weird girl” and I’m just the last trappings of holding onto our emo phase… I liked moving down here. I got to reinvent myself. I finally felt comfortable enough in my gender and body to wear girls clothes. To wear something other than oversized black t-shirts from Hot Topic. A box I felt like I had been packed into by those around me. And going back home and wearing my beachcore clothes I just feel… cool. I feel like a fresh new me. Like a less depressed and happier tropical version of me. But yeah I 100% bought 3 shirts last night and my room is littered with band merch now…

I feel really alone back at my house sitting alone in my house the same I’ve been doing literally since I moved down here literally since I graduated high school.

At least once high school was over and I stopped spending every day with my best friends I’d know since I was 5 and 8 I could call my boyfriend to come over and be depressed with me… like it’s a lot less depressing cooking toast for every meal and watching Netflix for 6 hours straight when you’re with someone… now I just do it by myself.

And getting a job was supposed to up my social interaction and make me less depressed but… idk. Going to work I wear polo shirts that make me look like a 14 y/o boy and then I wear an apron over it like a housewife. Like I work at a store geared towards upper middle class white people and I’m… me. I’m going to start wearing the necklace I got from the VIP to work. I like wearing polos. It makes me feel a lot more masc or at least gender neutral. I like wearing my mustard yellow long sleeves and overalls and being cottagecore and sitting in the grass and baking cookies and bread and making soup. I like wearing my pastel pink skirt and my strawberry milk shirt with my strawberry milk socks and hair ribbons and milk bag. I like wearing shirts with hot men dismembering people on them with ripped black skinny jeans and really big stompy boots. I like wearing my FFA shirt with a pair of Levi’s jeans and a good pair of steel-toed work boots. I love all these things so much that I never really feel like I belong in any one fully because they’re all so different. I get weird looks at the metal concert for talking about how much I love cottagecore. I get people weirded out by me talking about true crime and blood and gore because that’s “edgy” and that space is for “wholesome” things. I literally was an FFA student for 4 years and worked on many farm situations but like I wore band shirts and black ripped skinny jeans to class and like AG is kind of geared towards cishet farm kids… And because of that I just separate myself into these… personalities… because it’s easier to say “hello I’m Savvy and I like cottagecore”, “hello I’m Tillian and I like true crime”, “hello I’m Punk and I like heavy metal music”, and “hello I’m Will and if I could have one wish it would be to basically be Aragorn from Lord of the Rings” instead of… I’m me, and I’m all these things, and these things don’t cancel each other out or make me any less valid in any of these spaces: in fact it makes me stronger and more diverse.

And honestly? When I really feel like my truest “self” I feel like there were never more than one of us to begin with: it was just me, only me, all along.

[jincherie]

happy zee day! || ‘a yk predicament’

hello everyone it’s currently zee day in AU so !! we’re hoppin on that celebrating shit!!! happy birthday miss zee of @cinnaminsvga !!! i’m sorry your actual fic isn’t up, and that I have yet to complete fox rain 4, but I’m trying!!! I hope this makes up for it a little bit xxxx I love u, and I hope karma lets ur asshole rest this birth year!!! 

pairing | nymph!jk x reader x dragon!yg genre | not applicable. this is a fucking mess NBJHFBJHGB warnings| none! words | 3.6k (oops) sidenote -->  this is a pile of shit but I hope it makes u smile! ily! also i didnt proofread this im so sorry

“Min Yoongi, I swear to god if you don’t stop growling at the poor boy—"

In response to your reprimand, the scaly little bastard turns around and spits and growls at you, apparently even possessing enough balls in this moment to hack up an ember and pelt it your way. You stand in disbelief for a moment, blinking.

The little bastard did not just—

“U-um, p-please! You d-don’t have to—” You turn your gaze in the direction the sudden voice had come from, the speaker freezing and stuttering as soon as your eyes land on him. The nymph blushes instantly, soft emerald-tinged skin tinting pink across his face to the tips of his ears. Still, he attempts to continue where he left off, although his voice quickly loses strength after a few words, “Y-You don’t have to… to fight….”

The nature spirit shifts in his spot where he is still partially angled behind a tree from when your little bastard of a companion tried to bite his hand off, eyes flicking from the forest floor to your face. “I’m… it is my fault… I shouldn’t have revealed myself in the… in the first place. I am sorry, I did not mean to wet him either. Well, I did, but…”

He gulps, risking a glance at your visibly bristling companion, who looks very menacing despite his current tiny stature. At the sight of the glare he is no doubt receiving, the nymph recoils, and your hand begins to reach on instinct to whomp Yoongi a good one on the back of the head. Before you can manage, the nymph speaks despite looking very much like he’d rather be doing anything but.

“I thought… I thought he was a water dragon…”

There is a moment of silence as his words slip softly into the air, and another as they cross the space between you to brush your ears. The second they register, the sudden, powerful urge to guffaw begins to bubble within you, and you’re powerless to stop the loud, ringing laughter from leaving you. Yoongi, however, doesn’t seem to have taken the nymph’s comment in such light spirits.

“RrrrrrRAAAAH! RRRRAH!!! GGRRRRRRHRHHRHRRRRRAH GGRRRAH!!!”

Yoongi attempts to launch at the poor boy, claws out, from his spot on the ground, and despite your tear-inducing laughter you manage to snatch him mid-air with your arms around his middle with nothing short of practiced ease. You don’t need to be fluent in dragon to know that Yoongi just cussed this boy the hell out. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem that the nymph is fluent in dragon either, and he continues unaware of the names he has been called.

“I’m sorry!” He cries, dark chestnut curls flopping across his forehead and flopping over his wide, doe eyes as he shakes his head fervently. “I was—I was just excited! I-I’m the only nature spirit in this forest, around this lake, and when I realised you could have been another water spirit…”

The nymph seems mortified by his series of mistakes, the flowers interwoven and seemingly bonded with his hair wilting slightly as his face reddens further. What. How is that possible? Are they sprouting from his head? You can’t help but reel for a moment as your thoughts take you down a path they probably shouldn’t when you have a spitting ball of scaly anger absolutely frothing at the mouth in your arms.

Thankfully, the slightest wriggle from Yoongi brings your attention right back to the present and you tighten your hold on him, the small dragon yowling pitifully at his foiled attempt to escape. Were you anyone else, you know he wouldn’t hesitate to tear your arms to ribbons in order to escape your grip, but you’ve come to realise in your brief but seemingly endless time together that he would rather do literally anything but hurt you. Why? You’re not sure. You don’t even know why he’s still here with you. The bugger attached himself to you like a parasite ever since you left that witch’s store and you haven’t been able to get rid of him since, let alone get him to part from your side for more than five minutes at a time. You’ve not known true privacy in almost a month.

NOT to seem like you’re complaining, because you aren’t. Your travels had been quite lonely before you had the (mis)fortune of meeting the fun-sized little dragon-spawn—the witch had informed you that he is actually just a baby, by dragon standards, but he’s not an infant per se. Actually, she’d had a bit of a funny look in her eye when she told you that and you’ve still to figure out exactly what it means. You suspect it probably had to do with the fact Yoongi isn’t a baby, but has to be a fucking toddler with the way he carries on sometimes. You never knew dragons were so prissy!

You’d think if a baby wanted cuddles, or affection, they’d ask for it, right? Not this one. The little bastard will sit next to you, not too close but just slightly within reach, and will not say anything for the entire time—and yet, when you don’t immediately know what he wants (cuddles) and when he wants them (right then and right there), he resorts to snapping his jaws around your hand like an untrained pup and glaring at you until you take the hint. Oh, but he won’t beg, or ask for it. Clearly, that’s below him. Yoongi the dragon toddler says ‘fuck y/n lives’, apparently.

You almost don’t even realise you’ve zoned out again until the nymph whimpers, and you realise your grip on the growling, coal-spitting menace has begun to slacken slightly. Sending him a reassuring if somewhat sheepish look, you decide to put an end to the situation at last and hopefully ease the soft-spoken nature spirit a little. You’re still curious about him, after all, and you don’t even know his name. How are you going to find it out if he goes running for the hills in the next few minutes because you happen to have a little goblin in dragon form for your companion?

Without even batting a lash, you free an arm and pull it back closer to your body. Yoongi tenses, as though he’s going to take the opportunity to take flight and launch at the poor boy that had accidentally offended him so, but seems to quickly realise your plan as he whips his head back and hits you with a look of complete and utter betrayal. Too late—he should have thought of the possible consequences when he decided to spit one of his weak ass embers at you. With lightning-fast speed that rivals even his own, your hand shoots forward and secures your well-utilised, trusty grip on the back of his neck. Instantly, as your fingers dig gently into his pressure points between hard scales, he stiffens and then grows completely slack in your hold.

The nymph watches, absolutely in awe, as you hitch the dragon under your arm and rest his weight against your hip. He’s still a baby, so still vulnerable to those same baby reactions—it’s kind of similar to the way a mother cat grabbing her kitten by the scruff of the neck paralyses them momentarily. He’ll be out of the count for a little while now at least. The witch told you about the little hack, saying you probably wouldn’t need it (a bold faced LIE, evidently) and in the whole time you’ve known Yoongi you’ve been able to make very good use of it. He was going to bite you later for it, but you don’t really care. He’s too much of a softie to really hurt you, anyway.

“You’ll have to forgive Yoongi, he’s a bit… sensitive,” you say, offering the boy a smile. He seems to brighten at it, the flowers in his hair lifting a little and his cheeks flushing once more. He shuffles out from behind the tree just a little. “He doesn’t really have the colouring of a fire dragon, and I think he’s a little bit, you know, sore about it.”

You pretend to whisper that last bit, but the disgruntled and somewhat-offended huff from beneath your arm tells you that the dragon heard you loud and clear. Well, serves him right for being an ass.

The nymph giggles at your words, however, and takes another small step out from behind the tree. It is like coercing a small forest animal out from the underbrush, you can’t help but think, and immediately the thought endears you. He’s so cute, with the little flower chain bracelet and the little blooms in his hair—his big doe eyes are probably his most powerful weapon, though, and you sincerely hope he doesn’t know how to use them and you’re not currently being tricked out of your money or belongings or something, You’ve just paralysed your guard dragon, for crying out loud! All you have left is your wits and they’re not the sharpest tool in your shed even on the best of days.

Worrying about such a thing is ridiculous, though, and you know this immediately because despite the fact he’d almost just lost his hand to Yoongi’s frothing maw, the nymph comes closer and coos, brushing his hand tentatively over Yoongi’s snout to caress the myriad of soft blue and dusk-coloured scales there. Yoongi growls and you smack his behind, effectively ceasing the sound.

The forest is still bright and alive around you, vibrating and singing with the birds and the wind, seeming to respond to the nymph’s glee as he admires the small dragon now that the threat around him has been… neutralised, for lack of better word.

“But he is so very pretty,” the nature spirit says, earnestly. You think you catch sight of a blush beneath Yoongi’s scales, and decide to file the observation away to tease him with later, in the event he decides to test you again. The nymph has been speaking fine up until now, when he accidentally meets your eyes and is thrown into another blushing, stuttering fit.  “A-ah, and h-he’s very… very majestic. D-Does he… d-does….ah, nevermind….”

You tilt your head at the shy boy, admiring the way the sun illuminates the silky strands of his hair in a golden halo around his head. You wait until he meets your eyes to talk, offering him another smile. You’d long since introduced yourself when you first spotted him and began trying to coerce him out from behind the tree, but you’ve yet to get him to return the favour.  “What’s your name, oh guardian spirit of this forest and lake?”

The nymph seems to brighten, flowers perking up once more, and he shoots you a large grin that reveals big bunny teeth. You’re about ready to pack him up and take him home, and are simply thankful you’re an evolved being who has the capacity to control such urges.

“I’m J-Jungkook! I-I’m not actually guardian of this forest, or… or the lake. I’m k-kind of… well… To be honest,” he reaches a hand up, ruffling the fluffy curls at the back of his neck. “This forest and th-the lake are under the jurisdiction of the local mountain deity… I’m not needed here. A-Actually, I don’t think I’m really meant to be here…”

A part of you wishes to ask why immediately, but you barely refrain, wishing to allow him to tell you himself. You can tell that even Yoongi is slightly interested now, the mongrel having calmed down in his time spent close to you and now looking up at the nymph as much as he is able with his momentarily crippled mobility.

“I just woke up here a few months ago, without an explanation and without any m-memory of why, or h-how. I c-can’t even… remember anything about before the day I woke up here, besides my name and some other things like that…” There’s a saddened edge to his tone, but he still offers you a smile so sincere it makes his little sprouting flowers glow and preen. “The forest has been kind enough to let me stay here, but I do not want t-to overstay my welcome. I d-don’t belong here, after all. My flowers do not match the ones that sprout from this earth.”

Come to think of it, you hadn’t even noticed that. You direct your gaze around to see if he is right, and when you confirm his words you feel a certain pain of something stab at your chest. Empathy? Sorrow? It’s sad, what he’s telling you. You’re not surprised his story is awakening the maternal instincts inside you that are buried so deep you were convinced your entire life before now that they didn’t exist. Trust the cute, adorable nymph boy your pet dragon almost bit in the forest to bring them out of you.

Well, you’re not one to let anyone be sad for long. You already have one unplanned companion on this trip, why not add another?

“Would you like to come with us, Jungkook?” you ask, deciding not to beat around the bush. “We’re going to the mountain that touches the moon! I need to meet the witch there, I need her help with something. I’m not sure why Yoongi is going, but I’m sure there is a reason. If you want, you can come with us too? There is always room for one more.”

You make sure to send the boy your warmest smile, but still he’s so shocked he almost stumbles back. Of course, it doesn’t help that Yoongi seems to have regained control of his head and attempted to snap his jaws around Jungkook’s poor fingers. “I promise to protect you from my pet dragon.”

You laugh at your own joke, but it’s broken by the cry of pain that jerks from your throat. “HaHAHYOWCH, YOONGI WHAT THE HELL! Don’t make me pinch you again!”

The dragon hatchling, now able to turn his head fully even if he can’t turn the rest of his body, utilises his newly regained range of motion to release your fingers from his mouth and nail you with a heated glare. You know he hates it when you joke about him being your pet (another sore spot you’ve discovered through painful experience), but you couldn’t help yourself when the opportunity was so readily there. You send him a sour look, and he looks away with a huff. If you’re lucky, he might deign to give you the silent treatment later on, and you’ll be treated to an extra few minutes of privacy.

“Anyway,” you clear your throat, smiling at the blushing nymph once more. “What do you say? Would you like to come on an adventure with us? I promise it will be fun!”

You could tell Jungkook had already been very close to saying yes, but when he sees your hand proffered out for him to take, he blushes madly again and it seems to make up his mind. He smiles so big that it overtakes his face and his eyes end up shutting in cute crescents. “Y-yeah! Okay! I’ll come! I don’t really have any b-belongings, I’m ready to go when y-you are!”

You smile at him, absolutely endeared, and grasp his hand in yours to shake. His skin is cool against yours, but incredibly soft and smooth. At your touch his flowers shoot up straight, pollen falling from their centre at the motion, and to your complete and utter surprise two more little flowers sprout, wrestling between his curly strands, and pop to unravel into an immediate bloom. Jungkook looks mortified.

“Sorry,” he whispers, shoulders pinching up slightly as his body curves inwards on itself. “That… that happens when I’m really happy. I don’t know how to stop it.”

You can’t help but laugh softly, reaching up to pinch his cheek with your free hand after releasing his own. “Don’t worry, it’s cute! Please don’t stop it.”

Yoongi lets out a discontented growl, at what you don’t know, and you decide to ignore it in favour of getting on your way once more. You have a lot of ground to cover before you reach the mountain that touches the moon, after all!

It isn’t long into the silent first ten minutes or so of the trip, that you break and decide to probe Jungkook for an answer to something you’ve been wondering. Yoongi is still under your arm, disgruntled as ever. He’s regained access to his front legs but his behind and wings are still temporarily out of commission. Although, he’s been so oddly quiet this whole time that you can’t help but suspect that even if he did regain his butt, legs and wings, the sneaky bastard might not say anything so he gets his daily does of cuddles. You don’t know how such a prickly creature can be so damn needy.

“Jungkook,” you start, waiting until you have his attention before you continue; the nymph had been gazing with fondness over the beauty of the forest as the sun filters down through the foliage, a soft smile on his face. You think his cheeks warm again as he faces you, but you can’t tell. “What was it that you were going to ask before? About Yoongi? Now is the time to ask, while he still can’t use his wings.”

Apparently Jungkook left his fear of the dragon back in the clearing where he’d met you, because he lets out a happy sound and smiles. “I can ask?”

When you nod, he brightens. “He is such a pretty dragon in this form, I was just wondering if he is also this pretty in his human form.”

“He’d like to think so,” you answer in automatic response, before the nymph’s words catch up with you a moment later and you almost trip over the tree root in front of you. Yoongi has stiffened completely under your arm, and if you hadn’t caught yourself from falling you might have hurt the both of you. “Wait—his what?!”

“H-his human form?” Jungkook repeats, somewhat nervous at your reaction. “Dragons have a-ancient, powerful magic. They possess more than-n one f-form. D-did no one?”

“WHAT?” you burst, your brain flatlining for a moment. No way. This little punk is playing a prank on you. Tricking you with his big ol’ eyes and sweet disposition—what a low blow. “H-he’s?? Yoongi has never changed into another form. He’s… just a dragon baby? He’s baby? Dragon baby. Dragon.”

Jungkook seems to swallow some of his nerves, curiosity about the new situation seeming to outweigh them. “Hold on, I’ll show you. When they are young, they can’t change themselves. Their parents usually have to do it for them.”

There’s a moment of stillness as Jungkook takes a step next to you, and then Yoongi lets out a squawk and throws his whole might into trying to suddenly escape your hold. He’s not quick enough, though, and Jungkook manages to grab one of the horns atop his head and hold him still long enough to place his palm against the sky blue scales of his forehead. A growl rips from the dragon, but it’s short-lived and cuts off as the scales beneath Jungkook’s hand begin to glow. You blink—once, twice, and you almost blink a third time but before you can there’s a blinding pink-tinged light that beats you to it. Yoongi’s weight escapes your arms, but you’re too busy covering your eyes to try and stop him.

In the time you have your eyes closed, however short, there is scuffling, rustling of shrubbery and a heavy thump followed by an incriminating groan. Ignoring the slight burn and residual effects from the bright light, you search for the source—and you nearly scream as it comes into sight.

Jungkook is there, standing still and unaffected and cute as ever, grinning brightly at a figure on the ground, a new figure that you have enough sense to know is exactly where your dragon should be. Inky hair, some parts silken and some parts singed, hangs over a tan face, partially covering the soft gold eyes you know belong to the dragon you’ve spent the most recent big chunk of your journey with.  The figure isn’t naked, thankfully, having spawned with a loose pair of inky pants and a similarly styled shirt, but he is barefoot and looking a little affronted at the fact, in between the dazedness. From the grumpy aura, the long horns and big ‘little bastard’ energy emanating from this figure, you know it’s Yoongi for sure before you even have to try and consider it rationally. Conceiving that your magical companion is capable of magically turning into a human form isn’t hard to wrap your head around, and isn’t why you’re standing there absolutely gobsmacked, either.

No, that’s because as far as you knew and had been told, Yoongi was a baby dragon. But the male regaining his senses and apparently the nerve to glare at you from the ground right before you?

He couldn’t have been anything less than a year or so older than you. The baby dragon that you babied and teased and messed around with and teased and cuddled and made fun of, isn’t actually a baby. He’s an adult, and he’s—oh. He’s really glaring at you. A sense of dread makes itself known in your stomach.

“You,” the dragon seethes, steam beginning to dance from the crown of his head. “You’re in trouble.”

Well, that was certainly a promise! You can’t help but gulp—with any luck, you’ll still get to the mountain witch in one piece.

Uh, hopefully. In a last-ditch effort, you attempt a prayer. Noo Karma, don’t do this to me… I’ve been so good lately... you wouldn’t spank me if I was innocent, right?…. Haha... unless...??

Okay, you’re screwed.

[birdlingstarot]

hi dear birdling!! if it’s possible, can i ask how i was like in my past life? just curious! thank youu -y💕

Hello  🌻 y💕!

A little birdie told me this 🕊

What represents you in the past life? The Child

Immediately, we could tell that you are a young soul in your past life, to put it into human age, it would be like a young teen. You were confused yet had this lonely and serene feeling. Likely, you are intuitive in your past life and though young, knew much more intuitively wise. 

You could had felt alienated in your past life due to your high level intuition. In addition, you might had troubles identifying your emotions and how you should feel in your past life as you wished to be like the others. However, it felt that you, yourself felt that you had not have succeeded with the people around your age. 

You could had been an older sister in your family - either the only child or the oldest, you could have had one or two younger sisters. I also felt that you could had been born from a lower-middle class family. Your family consists of your grandparents, parents and one to three children, likely all female.

You had good relationships with the elderly, especially female elderly, likely your grandmother. Your grandmother could had been the one to fill in the motherly or parental figure in your past life due to both your parents working. I felt that in your past life, you could had felt only close to your grandmother.

You were a quiet person to others, introverted. However, you possessed a child-like curiosity. In fact, you had been questioning yourself as to why the world, society and people work the way they were. It felt that you had an ideal world in your mind on how the world, society and people should work, with kindness, honesty etc. 

As you grew older, the questions had not stopped and in fact, you had continued questioning them, holding on to your ideal world and feeling helpless to change the life and environment around you to become closer to your ideal. 

I felt that you had volunteered in your past life, especially either in the elderly home or the orphanage. You were likely an empath in your past life and that you had a naturally nurturing personality.

You might not have given birth to your own children but took care of an orphanage. Either that or you had adopted children. Note: childREN.

One area you had trouble with other than your emotions were from peer pressure. I felt that you are a people pleaser, thus there are many times where you had done something for others unwillingly, though nothing illegal. 

The environment you were born in in your past life were like that of a village, those wooden / straw huts - similar to Kampung Village. It has a hot climate.

You could had been born in July or the 7th of a month.

How does others perceive you in your past life? Wild Woman

Generally, you had an unique direction that you take in your past life. Not in the way that you pursue an uncommon path but the way you do things and find joy in them.

Others felt that you had a very different view of the world and due to your child-like wonder, they felt that some actions that you had performed were out of the blue, such as playing a game by yourself or just having fun during farming. 

You could had been working in a farm, planting crops by hand and taking care of farm animals, though your main job is taking care of crops. 

People can’t seem to understand you and some felt that you had your head in the cloud. However, that is just your nature. This had came about due to the things you say and your intuition which is uncommon in your area, as well as your reaction to certain situations. (You pure child)

You were able to find beauty in things and areas that others could not or couldn’t be bothered about, which made you sad. Since, why live a life where nothing is beautiful??? 

They felt that they could not control you and that you were out of their reach. There are quite a few that admire you and the nature of you that is just so otherworldly to them. They wanted to get a taste of the joy you feel from mundane tasks, see the beauty that you found which they were unable to. 

To them, you were a dancer with your own, unique rhythm, far out of their reach yet so mesmerizing. 

Some felt that they were unworthy to be by your side and so leads to three different style of coping with that - Ignoring, Being your friend and Backstabber that spread rumors about you behind your back.

I felt that you had a male life partner with you that had felt inadequate beside you. He loved you and had held you in high regards that he felt that he wasn’t enough for you. In fact, he had an insecurity of you leaving him for someone better than him. He is very shy, stuttering and becoming slightly clumsy in front of you. 

Kind of like:

You - It’s hot today, do you want a drink? I can go and buy some.

Him - NONO IT’S OKAY!! I’LL BUY FOR YOU and proceeds to literally walk to a nearby home that sells snacks and drinks, leaving you sitting on a rock or seat somewhere

Him - SH*T! I DIDN’T ASK HER WHAT SHE WANTED!!!! AHHHHH!!!! and proceeds to buy like 5 different bottles of drink and some snacks for the both of you, coming back to you with an apologetic look

He always wants to take care of you although he might not had been the beefiest. (He was kind of skinny… slightly taller than you but skinny) (You love him though ;) ) (Why are yall so cute???)

You enjoyed the nature in your past life, such as taking walks and being lowkey super enthusiastic, especially with flowers, fruits and smol animals, especially birds. You could had wished to be a bird in your past life, to feel free yet secure with your flock. 

Kind of like:

You see a flower.

You, Internally, - OMG! THAT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER? WHERE DOES IT COME FROM?? …

You, Externally, - Straight face, unmoving in the middle of the pavement or road. 

(Though your man knows you like them!! He just looks at your shining eyes and just feel so soft inside. He will totally push you to taking a closer look if it’s safe while you try to convince him that both of you can continue since it’s not a big deal, but he just wants to see your face light up. Will try to pluck or buy the same flowers for you as soon as possible to surprise you.)

(This is straight out of left field but I feel that both you are afraid of cockroaches. Both of you would be screaming and crying on top of the couch but he will try to destroy that offender with a slipper albeit being scared and jumpy. Will scream with you and hug you on top of the couch why it flies or starts moving) (He’s trying his best) (You love him though)

Others feel that you are good with your hands. You could had a handicraft hobby, like making bracelets, charms, etc. which people love to look at, because aesthetic. It was due to you being more detailed-oriented than time-orientated. (You likely don’t feel that is true but it is 🙄)

In front of strangers or acquaintances, you had a very strong guard over your emotions, which led to you doing things unwillingly and had to endure though.

However, with people you were close to, you were very honest with them regrading your emotions. It felt that you had a small group of close friends, ranging from 3 to 5, and likely to be all females.

 How do you perceive yourself in your past life? Soul Retrieval

Due to the fact that you felt lost in your past life, you were on a path of self-discovery. You felt that you did not belong where you live and was in search of your home, your identity, your self and your soul.

In fact, you look towards the past for that. To put it in metaphorical terms, look at the card of Soul Retrieval, you are a butterfly that keeps looking back to the cocoon that you had escaped from and searching for the caterpillar inside. 

You take what others say about you very seriously and this could had caused you to become even more confused about the answer that you were searching for. Metaphorically speaking, are you a butterfly? or are you a bird? 

Looking at the card, the sun in the background does not look to be a real sun but a fake sun. This comes to me as that you are looking and were guided to look for the answers at the wrong place. 

Ask yourself. What is the significance of the answer to you? Do you really need the answers to the questions you are asking? How would it benefit you? Are your questions pushing yourself to bettering yourself or limiting yourself?

You had a tendency to question if what you are doing is right and needed someone to back you up that you are doing right. You gain confidence from what others tell you, which could be troubling in the long run. This could had carried on to your current life as to need a safety net for your every actions and not having confidence in your abilities.

Instead of searching your past, you should direct yourself to searching your heart. What do you truly feel? What do you truly want? Your image of your heart should not depicts what others say about what they want from you. This had been or still is a painful road for you but you should endure through it as what you would gain along the journey and at the end would be very fulfilling to you.

In fact, be truly like the Wild Woman, to be comfortable in your own skin. Be confident in yourself that others’ opinions don’t matter as much. Find what truly makes you you, makes you happy. Don’t feel discouraged by the nonconformity that you are but strut it.

This is probably not the best way to say it but we would all die one day, might as well live a life that makes you the happiest. Who cares if people think you’re crazy? That’s also a way to human.

Some of the questions here and the way you feel from these three questions could had carried on in your current life. The best way to describe is similar to unresolved karma. 

What had you learnt in your past life? Is This Me?

Great news! You had learnt part of your identity of yourself. However, I feel that this journey had yet to be fully completed. You had learnt to be confident in some parts of yourself but not all, which leads to you still feeling quite insecure in your current life. You are hesitant in fighting for yourself as you do not fully have confidence in yourself. In fact, you might even had a tendency to let people walk over you but you’re learning! Therefore, you might be able to hold your ground more in your current life than your previous life! Good job!! 

I’m not very worried as it seemed that you had a clear idea of what you are striving for within yourself and is able to clearly see what other people offer to you, both the negative and positive. This is part of the reason as to why you are able to be more firm in your standing as you have a strong logic to back up your reasoning and actions.

This does not mean that you are not an empath, in fact, you have very high emphatic ability. It just means that you closer to achieving a balance between being an empath and not being one. In your past life, you were very emotionally drained by the people around you or those that seeks you out due to your nurturing aura. You could be dealing with similar situations in your current life that emotionally drains you but it’s better compared to your past life. Keep it up!

There could be a battle between your intuition and root of yourself with your heart regarding this issue. As a part of you wants to help the other party as much as you could while the other part of you knows how it will end for you and/or the other party. This is something that you were struggling with in your past life which could also bring forth into your current life. However, I am seeing that you would learn to trust your intuition more and learn to fight for yourself to ensure that you are in a better state of mind. 

As you would know that the best person to help an unstable person is a stable one. If you would like to help someone, ask yourself if you are in a ground stable enough to deal with the quake the other person might bring. If you are unstable as well, it’s going to be an earthquake and basically sh*t will go wrong, resulting in hurt for both of you.

You have a vulnerable yet strong feminine energy that you could further energize in your current life. To put it in a simpler form is that you have the potential to become a strong, independent feminine entity that is comfortable with her vulnerability which is very charming yet hard to achieve but you have a great potential in that! So no worries! 

Don’t worry about the tears and pain of the journey. In fact, you would be able to learn from them. This is also part of the charm of the feminine entity, to rise not below nor above, but the rise with the tears and pain which had incorporate with who you are. 

Since you learn to rise with the tears and pain, this helps to keep you grounded and keep your kind heart open to others, which is beautiful.

Three areas of her identity that you had learnt in your past life:

1. Frog Spirit; Clear out the clutter

Straightforward, isn’t it. You learnt to be able to identity what you need and what you don’t as well as to rid yourself of the parts that you do not need in your life. 

You had learnt in your past life how to word your sentences so that people were not offended by you. In fact, you are able to show your empathy through your words, tone and way of speaking. This also helps you in clearing out what you do not require in your life at that moment as likely, you would be able to end terms on a neutral or high note.

This would had carried on to your current life that you are able to word your sentences kindly and that you have a low possibility to hurt others with your words unknowingly. 

You had also learnt to align what you speak and believe, which result in a strong backbone in how people are able to perceive and feel that what you say to them are genuine which allows you the ability to both help and mend relationships. In your current life, you could find yourself being able to mend relationships you thought were impossible as well.

Your heart chakra is very strong and is very open! You may be a predominantly heart chakra person.

2. Electric Eel Spirit; Bring your ideas to life

You had learnt to make your ideal a reality. This also back up the fact that you have a way with words that is able to charge the areas around you and change the current to what you want. 

However, be careful as to becoming too cunning with your words to get people to do what you want as people would realise sooner or later that you are not genuine which would become disadvantageous to you. Paralyzing and poisoning your relationship with others.

In fact, with your words, you are able to slip out of many difficult situation. 

In addition, you had learnt to work well under slight pressure or changes in situation as to not become stagnant. However, you might not be able to do well under very high pressure so do note to take care of yourself and release stress. In fact, what you listen to could really help you in this area. If you are feeling particularly stressed, you might want to listen to slow and soft music or sounds and vice versa if you are feeling particularly stagnant. 

Similar to how the card is portrayed, you work well in situations with a little spark.

3. Dolphin Spirit; This and that are true

You had learnt that there are multiple truths to a situation and accepted that. To explain this better, if you were to put a cup on a table and asked which side is the handle on, people standing around the table would have different answers and they are all correct.

Knowing this fact, you are able to accept different situations and views of others easier than others. This had also help you accept yourself and bring light into what was once dark and unknown to you. This might had become something that you intuitively know.

In addition, this had helped you heal past scars.

In fact, you would intuitively know how to kindly word a sentence to tell someone and even if you had to burst their bubble, you would be able to word your sentences that would minimise the negative impact of bursting the bubble for others.

What is something that you had not yet completely learnt that had been brought forth into your current life? Temperance

In your past life, you had not yet completely learnt to balance things in your life, which is likely referring how you perceived yourself and your empathy. 

You have trouble refusing to help others and tend to let others overwhelm you with their issues, which could lead to them using you as an emotional punching bag. 

You had yet to set a good balance between helping others and helping yourself. Please remember that you do not own others anything and that you are not obliged to help them.

Remember that you, yourself is someone that needs help sometimes and that you should help others when it helps you as well. Not well it affects you to the point of emotionally draining you.

You should learnt to be limiting of who you let enter your comfort. To protect the little home you have within yourself that makes you feel safest and relaxed. You, yourself, is a sacred place for yourself and others, if others and even you do not respect that, you are bound to get hurt.

You are able to intuitively know when something’s amiss so trust that and work on it. You should deal with the weeds as soon as possible to the sacred garden within you. 

Similar to the lady in the card, you do not need to show full empathy to others. Trust your intuition and decide if you were to open the door to your little comfy home to others.

Another area that you had yet to completely learn in your past life is being able to emotionally support yourself.

Currently, you are like a daisy, you need water (emotions) from others regularly to identity yourself.

Instead, you should learn to be like a catus who can go for a long time without water (emotions) from others. 

This might be referring to a need for others to regularly validate you. Instead of turning to others for to validate yourself, you should learnt to validate yourself. This would build up the confidence to stand firm in your ground.

In addition, like the catus, have small spikes that protect yourself from others. You do not need to shoot your spikes if they are at a comfortable distance away, only when they get too close for your comfort. To put it plainly, is to set a boundary for yourself and others and abide by it. 

Similar to a plant, you would be ever-changing. At different situation of you life, you can change the set boundaries.

What is your current situation? What is your current health? What are you willing to put up with? What are you NOT willing to put up with? 

These are some questions you would need to ask prior to diving into helping others. 

Is there anything you would like to tell me regarding  🌻 y💕 ‘s past life? Vertigo; Whatever you choose will be correct

You might be too concerned with what happened in your past. 

In fact, we are telling you that you do not have to worry too much about your route from the past life or in this current life as everything you choose would be correct.

This could apply to your current life as it seems that you are trying to get more information to make a decision. We are telling you that everything will be okay. Whether you choose a well-walked path or a path that no one walked before, your choice is correct. 

To be confident in yourself as you have many opportunities for you to take. Even if one particular path is blocked or disappeared in your life, there are still others. To not worry as the divine spirit guides are protecting you and helping you through. 

In addition, every situations have more than infinity ways to handle and that each of them are correct. If you choose to help? It’s the correct action. If you choose not to? Yeap, it’s correct. 

Overall, you are a young empath that is trying to get through life in both your past and current life. In fact, you current self is closer to how you are in your past life than you might think! 

We hope this had helped you,  🌻 y💕! 

For now, the little birdie shall return home 🏡 ~ Ring our doorbell whenever!

Rest well 💤 ~

[my-emotional-self]

Let Me Protect You Chapter 10/?

Pairings: Chris Evans x OFC Emilia

Word Count: 2,131

Warnings: Swearing, LOTS OF ANGST!  This chapter is pretty much PURE ANGST

Trigger Warning:  Self-harm. This chapter is heavily descripted with self-harm, so please read at your own risk if that triggers you!

Rating: R

Summary: After Emilia’s fiancé cheats on her, she moves to California to live with her brother Eric, who just so happens to be good friends with Chris Evans.  Follow Emilia and her roller coaster life through heartbreak, love, and emotional trauma. Will Emilia choose to let Chris into her heart, or will she remain broken and alone forever?

 Could it be possible for someone to become more broken then they already were?  How could someone manage to live like this?  The constant roller coaster of life; one day life is great, and then it’s terrible for a week, then amazing for a month.  It’s just too much for someone to handle.

You were all alone, literally and figuratively.  You left Charlie because he cheated on you, you had to put your dog, who was your best friend, down because she was sick, your brother left for a month because of work, and now it looks as if Chris went back to his ex.  His ex, the girl who pushed you into the pool at your brothers’ party.

Maybe it was planned all along.  Maybe Chris knew all about your emotional trauma and planned this with Minka. That’s a possibility right?  But Chris doesn’t seem the type of person to do evil like that.

“AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH” you screamed as hard as you could.  You moved out to LA to get away from this shit!  To heal yourself!  And now you were in an even worse position!  

You needed the dark of your bedroom; the blackout curtains will give you shelter.  Your head was pounding from all the tension of emotions filtering in and out.  You tried to breathe through it as much as you could.  Sweat was starting to bead on your neck from your life crashing down around you.  

You shuffle into your bedroom with what little energy you had left and collapse on the bed.  All you wanted to do was take that razor blade and dig deep somewhere on your skin.  But it had been a week since you had done it, and you didn’t want to resort to that anymore.  You wanted to pull up your big girl panties and handle this like a normal person; cry for days.

You were jolted awake a few hours later from your dream, well, more of a nightmare.  A nightmare of memories you would have rather never had to think of again.  Trying to regain your breathing, you look at the clock to see it was almost 6pm. Fuck, you slept the whole day away; but as your mind becomes less foggy, you realize why that happened. Chris.  Chris and Minka.  Pictures of them sitting in his car, smiling at each other.  Charlie.  Charlie texting you to come home because he misses you.

Whimpering at the throbbing pain inside your head, you grab a cup of water.  All that crying and screaming in frustration really dried out your throat; it felt really hoarse.

After quenching your thirst, you start searching for your phone, afraid to see if anyone had texted you. Of course they had.  

Chris: I’m so sick of interviews!! What are you up to beautiful?

Chris:  You still sleeping?  It’s after 1pm silly

Chris: I have so much gel in my hair I’m going to have to take a three hour shower to get it all out haha

Chris: Ems it’s after 3pm now, I’m starting to get nervous. Did you get lost driving around LA? Are you stranded somewhere?

Chris: I really don’t want to pull this card but if I don’t hear from you soon I’m gonna give Eric a call.  I’m really worried Ems

Eric: I’ve called you a few times but you’re not picking up. Chris called me.  Emilia why won’t you answer him

Eric: Emilia damnit answer your phone.  You’re making me nervous now

Knowing you didn’t want Eric to call the cops to the house to check on you, you called him immediately to calm him down.

“What the fuck Emilia! Don’t pull that shit with me, why are you ignoring everyone?” he says anger and concern lacing his voice.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t feeling good so I have been sleeping all day” you lied through your teeth.  

“I call bullshit Em. Chris called me.  He’s stuck at his photoshoot and interview and is a nervous wreck.  What’s really going on?”

You blow out a sigh, knowing there’s no point in lying to Eric because he’ll get it out of you sooner or later.  

“Ugh, fine!  There is an article I happened to see on Twitter this morning saying that Minka and Chris might be back together.  There was also a fucking picture of them together in his car, and I know for a goddamn fact that it was from this morning, and not the past” you huff out in annoyance.

“Emilia, you listen to me. I can promise you they aren’t back together.  Chris wouldn’t get back together with her even if she was the last woman on Earth. It’s the tabloids Em, this is what they do.”

“I don’t care Eric. I’ve realized I’m no good for him anyways.  I’ll just drag him down in life, and I don’t want that for him.  Look, I gotta go.  Love you bro.”  You quickly hang up the phone, not wanting him to hear the heartbreak in your voice.

The second you hang up with Eric, you get an incoming call from Chris.  Not wanting to deal with that open wound, you ignore the call, letting it go to voicemail.  

*Ping*

“God fucking damnit. LEAVE ME ALONE!” you scream to nobody but yourself as you unlock your phone and dial your voicemail.

“Hey Ems it’s Chris. I just got done with my photoshoot and interview and I’m heading home.  But if I don’t hear from you by then I’m coming over.  Emilia I’m really fuckin worried about you.  I don’t know if you’re stuck out in the middle of nowhere or at home injured.  Please call me back ok. Bye beautiful.

The tears are like waterfalls on your face.  Never ending. How do you even have tears left to give?

You heard it all in his voice.  The concern, worry, and fear was all there.  He was worried about you.  Why would he be worried about you if he was back with Minka?

*Ping*

“PLEASE STOP!! PPLEEEAASEEE!!!!” you wail as you slide down against the wall.  

Eric: I pulled the big brother card and told Chris why you weren’t answering.  He’s on his way to talk to you now.  Give him a chance to explain Em.  It’s not what you think.  I love you. I’m only a call away if you need me.

That’s it!  Fuck your big girl panties, your taking matters into your own hands now.  

Heading into your bathroom you turn to lock the door.  You turn your blue tooth on, put your playlist on shuffle, and turn the music all the way up.  You needed to drown out as much noise as you possibly could.

Stripping your robe off, you’re immediately met with goosebumps all over your body.  Luckily because of your late night shower, all your bracelets were off.  That was something you didn’t think you had time to do; taking each one off your wrist.

You start digging around your cabinet for the only thing that can hopefully give your mind a break from everything.  Once you finally reached what you were looking for, you sit on the cold tile floor, back leaning against the cabinet.  

Avril Lavigne’s “Nobody’s Home” starts over the speaker, and you can’t help but roll your eyes at the irony. The song is everything you’re going through right now, everything you’re feeling.

As the song starts, everything but the lyrics fades away as your left there with a razor blade clutched in your hands.

I couldn’t tell you

Why she felt that way

She felt it everyday

And I couldn’t help her

I just watched her make

The same mistakes again

The razor blade slices into your wrist.  The blood barely trickling up to the top of the open cut.

What’s wrong ,what’s wrong now

Too many, too many problems

Don’t know where she belongs

Where she belongs

You still felt everything. Every single emotion and feeling swirling through your head, your body.  It needed to stop.

She wants to go home

But nobody’s home

That’s where she lies

Broken inside

With no place to go

No place to go

To dry her eyes

Broken inside

You drag the blade against your wrist again, putting more pressure down this time.  You welcome the pain that you receive from the cut.  The burning and stinging sensation pulling you from all your thoughts.

Open your eyes

And look outside

Find the reasons why

You’ve been rejected

And now you can’t find

What you’ve left behind

There is more blood than the first cut as it pools to the surface.  The feelings and emotions fading from your head.  You start feeling more relaxed.

Be strong, be strong now

Too many, too many problems

Don’t know where she belongs

Where she belongs

More and more fresh cuts start to litter your wrist.  The blood and pain freeing you from your thoughts; you even felt a bit euphoric at this point.  

You sit there and think and feel nothing, nothing but the burning from the fresh cuts.  This was your happy place.  Void of feelings.  This is why you used this distraction over anything.  

You sit there for a while, savoring the pain.  You start to feel a bit light headed and look down and realize why.  You couldn’t even see your wrists, they were covered in blood.

Slowly getting up, you turn the water to warm and rinse your wrist, bringing on even more pain.  It seemed sadistic you realize, but you were afraid something worse would happen if you weren’t able to contain it.  

The doorbell rang and you froze.

“Shit fuck damnit!!” you curse to yourself, trying to clean up everything as fast as you can.  You knew it was Chris; it slipped your mind earlier that your brother told you he was coming over here.  Pausing, you also remember Chris mentioning he still had keys to the guest house from when he lived here.

“Emilia?” Chris questions as you hear him walking around your house, your music long ago turned off. You become stiff, holding your wrist in your towel and looking at your door.  

“Ems, you in there? Listen, Eric told me what happened. Just open the door, let me explain myself.”

You were frozen.  You could not move.   Your feet were stuck to the floor, and you were utterly terrified of seeing Chris.  Talking to Chris.  You couldn’t do it.  

His knocking continued becoming rather persistent.  “Damnit Ems don’t make me break down this door.”

“I’m naked” you blurt out, not even thinking about it, “I mean I’m taking a bath”, you say putting your right hand up to smack your forehead.  

Damn it!  You had planned on completely ignoring Chris in the hopes he would just give up and go home.  But no, you crack under pressure, like you always do.    

“I guess I will just wait right outside the door then until you come out.”

“That could take all night Chris.  Just go home, please”, you say, a hint of anger in your voice.  

You look around your bathroom.  You’ve got the toilet, and water from the sink, you could very well spend the night in here.  You were stubborn when you got things set in your head, and you weren’t going to budge on this, at least not for a few hours.  

“I’m not going anywhere Ems. You need to hear what I have to say.”

“Then just say it, so you can be on your merry little way Christopher.”

That’s right, take that. You said his full name hoping he would get the hint that you were pissed off.  Hell, it was more like enraged.  At least the two of you didn’t start an actual relationship before this crap with Minka and him happened.  

“I’m not having this conversation with you through the door beautiful”, you could hear the playfulness in his voice.

“Well get comfy Evans, you’ll be out there all night.”

You started to get a little chilly, seeing as you were actually naked in the bathroom.  You had fallen asleep in just your robe last night, and hadn’t bothered to change since then.  You put your robe back on, being extra careful of your wrists.  You were able to stop the bleeding for the most part. There was still a little bit coming through your wounds, but it would be fine; it wasn’t enough to run down into your palm.

You grabbed a bunch of towels from the cupboard and made your own makeshift bed.  You laid down on them, trying to get comfy.

As you closed your eyes, your heart broke even more when you heard Chris sigh heavily from the other side of the door. 

Tag List: @evansfanficweekly @always-an-evans-addict @ssweet-empowerment @patzammit @tacohead13 @iamwarrenspeace

[artemx746]

This post was made as a joke but these tags ate

honestly love that in the sdv community there will be judgement on who you marry except if you ‘marry’ Krobus

You marry Haley? Humiliation fetish

Alex? He’s sexist

Krobus? He’s a shadow man who lives in sewer and will give you hugs why wouldn’t you be roommates with him