#She triggered my current gay panic after all lol

[mothinabottle]

Ok, so I'll go back to posting drawings soon, but I need to ramble about girls with short hair like??? What gives them the right to be so pretty???? And when someone has bags under their eyes, like REAL bags under their eyes. A tired person who is themselves and has short hair ohmygod I knew this was my type, but fuckkkk

Saw someone with short hair and bags under their eyes at the breakdancing olympics and I JUST FELL IMMEDIATELY. Saw this yuri manga that is called "The guy she was interested in wasn't a guy at all" and fell for Mitsuki, too 😭(That without counting the fact that all my girl crushes have been girls with short hair through my life). It's like I have this instant crush for girls with short hair that I can't help. It just looks so fashionable and great and so comfortable and makes them look so cool.

Help, I am having a huge gay panic rn 😔

[cryde-donovan-vlogs]

Clyde’s Livestream - 12/3/2020

[ Content Warning: illness & small mention of blood ]

Since Thanksgiving, Clyde’s mental and physical health had been on a steady decline. He was stressed. His body ached with a constant burning in his chest. Apart from small, easily digestible meals, he couldn’t maintain an appetite or find the will to eat. The most calories he would get in a day was at 2 AM when he woke up with a fire in his belly that could only be momentarily extinquished by chugging milk. Fitful sleep came in small increments. 

All of this left the jock in a bad state. His skin and eyes had dulled, bags were starting to form under his lower lashes, it was a mental battle to stay engaged. 

Even with the obvious signs that something was wrong, he was too stressed to figure it out. It was easier to ignore the red flags and work. He felt like a failure in nearly every other aspect of his life, this was all he had left. The channel he’d grown and built from the ground up, his biggest ongoing achievement.

Clyde felt obligated to give his fans what he promised, a strict upload and streaming schedule. He was still going to go live tonight, it would just be from the comfort of his couch in his PJ’s while swaddled in blankets. The lighting was kept low for a chill atmosphere, to secretly mask how awful he felt and looked. A bucket sat at his feet, out of frame, just in case-- he’d been feeling increasingly nauseous. 

6 PM, time to go live. 

The stream started just like any other before it. Mostly general chatting and memeing while watching stupid videos with his commentary. Trying to be fun and talkative for hours was draining when he felt this bad but he managed. It wasn’t until a small army of people joined his stream at once, questions and gossip at the ready like drawn swords, did everything take a turn for the worse. 

Sk8FastEatAss: Bri sent meeeeeee ✨✨✨

PoggerChamp69: hey bebe said u like a boy lol ur gay?? No wonder bri broke up wit u

Taytay45: Ayyyy Bri squad! Hey that blonde from ur channel said u like a boy?? Spill siss! ☕💅

TheBigNUT: lmao is this legit? 🙄

The chat quickly got out of control. Clyde’s expression fell and his stomach churned with unease as strangers speculated his sexuality (and the legitimacy of it), current crush theories, and Bri. 

Bzzt. Bzzt.

A series of texts. Sweat began to bead on his cold body. He didn’t know who they were from but he had an idea and that brought with it a sinking feeling.

Clyde flipped his phone over and dared to peek at the screen-- it wasn’t Bri, it was Bebe. Apologizing. 

[Text from: Strawbebe 🍓] I’m sorry.

[Text from: Strawbebe 🍓] My stupid brain let it slip and I’m really sorry. I don’t have an excuse.

[Text from: Strawbebe 🍓] I have to go clean up what Bri left me. I’m so so so so so so sorry. 😔

Oh god. Bri had harassed Bebe and she’d let something slip while live. It was hard to focus, words messily tumbled out of his mouth as he struggled to form coherent responses to all the questions overloading the chat.

Keep cool, Donovan. This isn’t a big deal. It’s okay.

Except it wasn’t.

His vision blurred and words no longer held any meaning. Even after reading the same sentence over and over again, he had no idea what it was about. He couldn’t remember. He wasn’t actually reading.  Worry about Bebe and what Bri had done to her had a stranglehold on his thoughts. Was she okay? What did Bri do? Why were people so caught up about his sexuality?

It was too much. It broke him.

A pathetic whimper of pain slipped past pursed lips as he hunched over and buried his face into his knees. His body had enough. It wanted to dispel the toxins in his body, figuratively and literally.

Clyde didn’t have the mental fortitude to keep up the façade for another second. With what little energy he had left there was enough foresight to grab the bucket so he could throw himself off-screen and let himself be sick. The viewers were spared from the sight but not the sound of retching. A sound he was sadly all too familiar with. His biggest fear, losing face while live, being sick in front of others; it triggered a spike in his anxiety. This was something he never wanted anyone to know or see and now the internet had it. 

His eyes, throat, and chest burned as he pulled back after a final heave. With a pitiful sniff he wiped at his mouth. A stark smudge of red smeared over his knuckles grabbed his attention as his hand fell from his face. Fear ran through his veins like ice. He shakily checked the bucket to see more red. Blood and stomach acid. 

Panic sunk its talons into the streamer. Clyde leapt to his feet and instantly regretted it. The living room spun and while his vision darkened, sending him to the floor and off-camera.

Clyde was tired. So tired.

He fought shallow breaths as his chest felt too heavy to fully inhale. 

The chat went crazy staring at an empty couch after watching the streamer plummet out of sight. Clyde was left crumpled on the floor, face pressed into the carpet as he slipped into unconsciousness.

STREAM STATUS: LIVE

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #70

“so break me down if it makes you feel right.”

if you’re a girl, do you have big hips? too big? not really. when was the last time you had alcohol? what kind? yesterday. black cherry mike's hard lemonade. girls, do you think you look good in dresses or not? some with sleeves, sure. do your parents treat you like you’re still a child? sometimes. what is the one stereotype people label you as most? i get emo a lot. i really don't care what stereotype i am. can people normally tell your mood, by your facial expression? yeah, honestly. i am SHIT at hiding my emotions. what are the initials of your last ex/ bf or gf? jar. how're you on this fine day? i'm at the tail end of a bad, bad, baaad panic attack. i went to bed crying last night and woke up a while ago; i couldn't sleep. i talked to my long-time friend jurro, who always has great advice to give me. they brought up the possibility of me having bpd (which has been brought up to me before), especially with my obvious favoritism towards jason. i read more about it, and i really think it's a liable diagnosis, and i guess that gave me some relief? i'm going to bring it up to my therapist, who i really need to see soon. describe the main problem with your last relationship? i've explained this so many times, yet i feel the need to keep fucking talking about it. the only real issue was jason not supporting me enough. by that i mean, he got tired of my depression. he didn't want to deal with it anymore. not that i blame him. i live with it and i don't want to deal with it anymore, but guess who can't leave it without destroying herself? if he truly gave a shit, it should've been the same for him. for so long, three and a half fucking years, he was there, and he did everything he could. then he just... snapped one day, i guess. so fucking sorry i'm too weak to make it on my own. what was the last thing that offended you? i'm not sure, honestly. probably something colleen said. what’s on your shower curtain? nothing. it's blank. what sounds do you hear? "alone i break" by korn is playing, and the tv's on. who was the newest addition to your family? ryder, my sister's son, is the newest, i believe. do you like muse? i like a few songs. "unnatural selection" is my SHIT. what was your first ever pet? we had a collie named trigger. she was a wonderful dog. have you ever been bit by an animal? never viciously, no. i remember once my lizard bit me when he was scared once (his light had been dead all day, so he was freezing), but it was barely even a nibble. i think i've told of the time my dog teddy bit towards me in a merely very "i'm warning you" type way. where is the person you miss the most right now? i would hope he's in bed asleep. how often do you take naps? every day, usually... typically after i'm up for an hour or less, i feel fucking exhausted and go back to sleep lol. are you planning any special outings with family or friends? not any "outings," but on saturday, the day before my birthday, mom and i are going to colleen's and i, for one, am getting drunk as fuck to forget some shit for a while. do you ever wear lipstick? what color(s) do you prefer? yes, i wear black, usually. what was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? smirnoff. it was okay. what’s your favorite feature of the person you’re currently interested in? his silly smile melts my fucking heart. the last song you listened to - does it remind you of anyone? "somebody, someone" by korn. and yeah. me. who was the last person to give you a hickey? only person to ever was jason. who was your high school’s most popular girl? that's debatable. idk. would you like to learn to play the harp? omg i always did as a child. what is the most drinks you’ve had in one night? was it five... maybe six? it was VERY weak alcohol, though. when is the last time you parked in a covered parking lot? probs when colleen, bradley, and i went to the beach last may. we had to drive through a great number of parking lots to find ONE spot. has a friend ever betrayed you? oh, you mean that time someone way more than a friend tried to lift me up, but only let go half-way in the effort? yeah. been there. is teenage pregnancy common in your area? eh, no less or more than other places, i guess. do you see the new year as a fresh start? no. do your parents own their house or is it rented? the house i live in with mom is rented. i'm almost positive dad's and kim's is owned. have you ever joined in a protest? if so, what against? no. it'd be a cold day in hell before something like a protest happened here in nc. do people ever complain that you’re too quiet? always. and i don't get why it's just that: a complaint. being quiet isn't a bad thing. do you know anyone that’s ever suffered from post natal depression? i have a friend who's suffering with it now. do you like black licorice? i don't like licorice period. do you sleep in your bra? fuck that. what would you do if someone smacked your butt? well, who's doing it and where are we? if it was jason, he'd get pinned against a damn wall while i kiss him. anyone else, with the mood i'm in, i'd slap the shit out of them. dog ever licked you down there? wHAT THE FUCK do you think you’ll be a MILF? lmao no. would you immediately look for someone right after you and your bf/gf broke up? if we were in a serious relationship, obviously not. i'd need to recover. do you sleep naked, or nearly so? no. i used to sleep without a shirt when i lived in the apartment because i was cooler, but for obvious reasons, i'm not comfortable doing that with my mother and little sister in this house. will you kiss the last person you kissed again? honestly, it'd be a dream come true. do you wish someone was dead? i wish i didn't. what is your dad’s name? kenneth, or just "ken" would you ever like to meet marilyn manson? debatable. he's one of my favorite artists, but from what i know of him, he's not a person i'd agree with on almost anything. what do you look like right now? i don't fucking know, a person?? a heavily depressed son of a bitch??? how many of your friends play world of warcraft? i did. i really don't know if i'll go back to it when i get my computer fixed. my friends sam, girt, and alex also play(ed). is your dad bald? he's not. do you remember the name of the first bar you ever went to? i've never been to a bar. have no plans to go to one, really. have you ever made a sex tape? no, and i never will. have you ever drank cough syrup to get high? no. have you ever felt yourself fainting? i have. would you ever own a rat? i've owned four: tezzeret, rhoka, rhett, and link. i may get another some day, but this time, from a breeder. would you or do you ever spank your kids?  NO. do you look pretty today? no. my eyes are red and watery, i haven't brushed my hair yet... do you feel you’re capable of being loved? no. if jason couldn't, no one can. have you ever felt lifeless? i have. many times. weirdest shit, to feel like that and still be perfectly alive. do you remember the first alcoholic drink you ever had? yeah. pink lemonade mike's hard. do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? i want jason, not necessarily anyone else. do you chew on your straws? no. do you plan on moving out within the next year? no, i don't. are you a forgiving person? too much so, usually... what is your all-time favorite romance movie? "the notebook" murders me every time. have you ever purchased condoms? i haven't, but jason bought them for us once. i got really close to leaving behind my abstinence once, and because of that, he said he did it just to be safe. we never used them, but it was a smart decision. have you ever had shower sex? no. i'm honestly not that into the idea. have you ever caught someone else watching porn? no. what size shoe are you? seven and a half, i think... have you ever sent a nude snapchat? no, i don't have a snapchat. what to you would the perfect life consist of? honestly, you could wipe out everything, and just give me jason. let us have one child to cherish beyond vocalization. and i would be happy. have you ever had a sexy skype chat? ha ha no, the only times i've ever chatted on skype with webcam was with jason, and we were ever only lazy bums in our pajamas... have you ever had a sexual gay experience?  i have not. have you ever shoplifted?  i have not. is there a guy who you can go to with no make-up on in sweatpants and bedhead and he couldn’t care less? girt, probably. jason, if he was still around. do you and your family pray before eating dinner? only on thanksgiving, really. what’s something you’ll always refuse to do? i mean, lots of things. i'd never have an abortion, get a divorce unless my spouse became violent/dangerous, various other things... what’s the best thing at mcdonald’s? i seriously like their cheeseburgers. would you ever get a tattoo of your favorite band or singer’s name? no. i plan on getting MANY lyrics tattooed on me, though. what’s your iood/mp3 player like? it's a super old, pink nano-type. it's way past its life expectancy. has a few scuffs and scratches here and there. do you own any form of a gameboy? i do; my sisters and i all had/have one. they don't all work anymore, though. what’s the best part about halloween? D E C O R A T I N G!!! do you have any pets and do you want any(more)? we have three dogs, teddy (beagle/cocker spaniel), cali (boxer mix), and bentley (jack russel mix), and one cat named lexi. i'm currently only really wanting a ball python morph, but adopting a lizard again would be nice... a rat, too... what’s the best pokemon? ninetales is the best! but i also reeeaaally like espeon and umbreon. do you play any sport? no. i haven't played sports since dance. do you watch beauty pageants? absolutely not. i disagree with their entire concept. do you like nutella? i do, very much so. are you into ripped jeans? yes. makes them appear more dynamic and interesting. which band has the best name, in your opinion? i'm not sure. none come to mind immediately... do kids often knock on your door on halloween? they never do. we live in what can barely even be considered a neighborhood, just a couple houses in the middle of the woods. have you ever witnessed an extreme act of animal cruelty? thank heavens, no. have you ever actually woken up screaming because of a nightmare? yes. i was sleeping on the recliner with jason and nearly gave him a heart attack. how many people in your family have blue eyes? idk, but not many. the only ones i know of are myself, my deceased grandpa, my half-brother, and my niece. who is your favorite actor/actress? probably betty white and johnny depp if you could choose to be any mythical character, which would you choose? i'd be a dragon, far away from human civilization so people won't want to kill me for no particular reason... are you satisfied with your gender? even if i wasn't, what would i do about it? do you post to say happy birthday on other people’s walls? honestly depends on how close we are and my mood. have there ever been floods where you live? many. do you listen to k-pop? i never have. i have an acquaintance from high school that's like in love with it though. do you know (of) anyone who has committed suicide? i know of people, yes. most notably my sister's ex. there's potential that i know someone who has, too, as i knew her online, she was heavily suicidal, then she just vanished. do you eat meat every day? usually, typically at dinner. do you like your country’s president or prime minister? no, i don't. i agree with some of his policies, most notably his outlook on abortion, but overall, i cannot stand him. he has a horrid, childish attitude, and a relatively naive outlook on things. do you listen to christmas music during the holiday season? i don't. virginia, jason's mom, always did though. she loved the holidays and was always so expressive of her enjoyment of them all. i miss her... i hope she's doing well, too. she had a few health issues. do you like ginger ale? only when i'm ill. what color is your can of deodorant? it's baby blue. what is the middle name of the last person you texted? marie how far do you live from the ocean? ehhh, like three hours, probably less. are you a fan of eminem? he's the only rapper i'd consider myself a fan of. he actually sings about shit that matters on a regular basis. do you wear a ring on your finger? i have a ruby/garnet/whatever on my right ring finger, and i want to fix the ring jason gave me to wear on my left pointer finger... but it's in a box somewhere. i had it in the jewelry box he bought me, but most of our shit's been packed up from when we were threatened with eviction, and personally i don't feel like going through dozens of boxes. do you like the song ‘i kissed a girl’ by katy perry? i'll admit it's catchy and reminds me of when i was younger. the last person you kissed, is he/she single now? last i checked, no. how many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? hundreds of times. does it bother you when people smoke around you? honestly, yes. but i don't say anything. ever kissed a smoker? no, and i highly doubt i ever will. a smoker has kissed me, though. do you know anyone who has their eyebrow pierced? a former friend did when did you last talk to your brother or sister? i couldn't tell you. ashley doesn't live here and nicole doesn't say a word to me unless she needs something or if i initiate conversation. do you prefer regular bacon or turkey bacon? regular bacon would you ever buy a motorcycle? no. too dangerous. most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender? james hetfield of metallica like fuck me he could be my daddy in more than one way can insanity bring on more creativity? it does, but it's not something i'd advise pursuing. basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? maroon. where is your mom? she's currently at mrs. ricks' house, a patient she takes care of. have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed? with jason, hundreds of times. how long until your next birthday?  four days!! ;v; favorite thing to do on tumblr? see what gay shit is going down in the r&l community. have you ever experienced being hysterical? it's a familiar feeling. have you ever ridden a boat? i have. has anyone ever threatened to hurt you? what did you do?   yes, by a lovely little bitch named rachel.  and when things truly escalated, i told my mother.  call me a tattle-tail for it, but i wasn't an adult at the time.  we were both teenagers.  mom was so pissed that she confronted her father about the issue (she knew where she lived because my older sister has a history with the bitch, too...), and while he spoke to rachel supposedly, he didn't seem to give a shit.  the behavior stopped, though. have you ever seen someone’s personality change completely in a manner of minutes? what was it like?   no, thankfully. do you tend to expect the best or the worst of people?   the worst.  i have no reason to behave otherwise. what color are your pants?   mostly black, but there's also a graphic of classic harley quinn with "hey, puddin'" written beneath her.  tbh i usually wore these if i wanted attention from jason lmao kill me. any turn ons?   whispering, neck kisses/bites, very gentle choking, gentle touching in general, other things i'm just not thinking of right now... what's your cover photo on facebook?   it's a picture of jason and me from our second prom.  we're smiling at each other. any turn offs?   bad hygiene, being rough, being violent, etc... most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (in real life)?   jason's humility and him softening as a person in general. are you more of an independent person or dependent person?   i'm honestly extremely dependent. are you usually the first to forgive in a fight?   it sure seems that way. do you prefer boys to shave down there?   i don't care.  do what makes him feel more comfortable in himself. do you think it’s appropriate to keep naked pictures of an ex, or should you delete them when you break up?   it definitely does sound appropriate to have naked pictures. would you ever get a back tattoo?   i already have one planned for along my spine: "once upon a time, i ripped the wings from my spine, but when i hide inside your eyes, i still pretend that i can fly."  it's one of my favorite lyrics from otep. favorite kind of bean? kidney? black? pinto?   i absolutely hate beans. when you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into?   keeping my husband happy, preparing for children, etc... do you have photoshop? if so, how often a day do you use it?   i had to have it for school.  i like... never use it. wonder woman or cat woman?   cat woman. would you like other people to see your survey answers?   i'm neutral.  like i guess it helps when people wanna talk/give me advice from their unique perspective, but i don't want people to bother with me? do you often feel guilty?
   i fucking always do.  about everything. have you ever had a serious mental break down?   you know, like, every week. how long was your longest relationship?   three and a half years did you ever honestly believe you were going to marry your high school boyfriend/girlfriend?   yes.  i did.  i still refuse to believe i won't.  he was my favorite person, and still is.  but what happens when you're breaking down your fp, entirely inadvertently, while they're building you up?  ka-boom.  i guess that's just what i did to him. are you a virgin? do you believe virginity is “sacred”?   i am, and yes, it is.  i refuse to just give it up to any 'ole body. what’s a song you recently discovered that you want to tell everyone about?   "breakdown" by seether.  i wonder  if it's how jason feels towards me. does the last person you kissed have freckles?   no, he doesn't. assuming you’re in love or have been in love before, how does or did it make you feel?   on top of the world.  that first realization that i was in love with him... it was like being born again.  but in a new dimension.  stick with me here.  i was in a new world where nothing could hurt me, because he was my shield, and i was also his.  we were one.  partners.  two names, one soul.  he was the reason i could rest, because his eyes were open while i slept.  i could reveal myself to him, because his heart and mind were opened.  he took all that shit and crushed it beneath his heel, though, so i guess it doesn't really matter. in school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in?   usually english or science. what’s the age difference between yourself and your best friend?   less than a year. has someone close to you ever told you they were going to commit suicide because of you?   oh my god, no.  i'd die. do you like opossums? do you think it is ethically right for others to keep opossums as pets?   i LOVE opossums!  they're so cute!  as for if it's ethically right to keep them as pets, i'm honestly not sure as i'm not well-educated on what they would require as a house animal.  i mean i certainly wouldn't agree with someone taking them out of their natural habitat to be a pet, but i guess i'd be fine with someone raising an abandoned opossum baby, so long they gave them the care necessary. what is your favorite unhealthy drink that you like to consume (if you have one, that is)?   mountain dew, the voltage variety being my favorite.  i know it's wiiiildly bad for you, but omg i love it. what are your thoughts on nihilism?   it's rather sad, and can also be so dangerous if you truly believe nothing has meaning/nothing matters. when and where was the last time you were or felt lost?   daily???  i haven't mentally felt like i'm "home" for a long, loooong time. has a tree ever fallen down on your house? 
  two or three times, lmao.  oh wait no, one of those times is where it fell on the propane tank beside our house (it didn't explode, it was literally inches from the top of it, though).  the only time i clearly remember a tree falling on the house is when the tree collapsed literally on top of my room, and i slept through it.  dad had to saw the tree multiple times to get it off the house, and we had to get some leaks patched. do you know anyone that actually looks good wearing bright red lip stick?   i don't think i look too bad with it. if you were poor, living on the streets, & had no family to aid you, would you take up a job offer to work in a slaughterhouse?   i... maybe.  living on the streets has to be a literal nightmare, so i doubt a slaughterhouse would be much worse... but killing animals, i would literally cry on a daily basis.  i don't know if i could do it. do you feel sorry for the people who get killed by their pets [some people own / tend to monkeys, tigers, lions, snakes, etc. & get killed by them] or do you think they had it coming?   i mean i would never not feel sorry for someone who died, but at the same time, i would agree it to be foolish to keep a dangerous animal. whose facebook password do you have?   no one's but my own. have you ever wanted to strip naked in front of someone?   and i did. how often do you go to church?   i try to go with colleen every weekend now.  she's just been really sick lately, so we haven't been going. speaking of church, are you going to heaven or hell?   ... i don't know anymore.  like, i accept jesus as my lord and savior, etc., but i feel so wicked sometimes.  like... i wish death upon someone i don't know.  i love someone more than i do god and jesus.  i've been furious with god lately.  heaven probably doesn't want me. would you date/hook up with your brother’s best friend?   no, he'd be too old for me personally. have you ever wondered what it’s like to have sex on a trampoline?   well.  hot damn.  there's another one on my bucket list lmao. what is the weirdest music video you’ve ever seen?   hmm.  not sure. what is something of which you need more in your life?   social interaction.  i'm an introvert and all, but i don't have enough company throughout my days. do you enjoy talking about music with others?   YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS I WILL TALK FOR HOURS what are the color of your walls? do you want to repaint?   boring white/beige/whatever.  i'd like to repaint, sure, but this house is rented, not owned, so we can't. do you have any siblings who neglect you?   ... i feel that way, yeah.  my older half-siblings i don't feel that way, 'cuz they live forever away and have busy, adult lives, and even ashley is very busy, but nicole, who lives with me... i feel like she doesn't care.  she's never home and acts like she lives with her good-for-nothing boyfriend, and when she is here, she doesn't talk to me.  doesn't look at me.  never says a word to me, even when she knows i need comfort.  she doesn't interact with me period unless i initiate conversation.  i just.  feel like when she/me/we move out, we'll never talk again.  i don't want to lose my little sister. what were the last three movies you watched in theaters?   "trolls," "the jungle book," and uhhh... i'm not sure. do you believe in ghosts, spirits or demons?   spirits/ghosts/whatever have you, demons, and angels. did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls?   until the news of a dirty syringe being found in a local one, yes. are you attracted to the last person that kissed you?   i am.  when i first met him, i thought he looked "odd," and he does look rather different, but i honestly believe him to be handsome. what did you do yesterday?   not much at all...  sat on the computer.  talked to a couple online friends.  talked with colleen.  cried a lot. something you really want right now?   honestly all i want is to cuddle with j right now.  underneath a big, fleecy blanket, and just watch our old, favorite shows. do you look more like your mom or your dad?   debatable.  i've heard both. describe your looks to us:   i am 5'4'', white and very pale, overweight with my weight pretty evenly distributed, i have lithe hands with long fingers and very small toes.  i have blue eyes that sometimes look more greenish or grayish.  my ears are pierced multiple times, as well as my nose.  i have three tattoos.  my hair just reaches my breasts and is ruby-red in coloration.  how i dress varies greatly. could you forgive a boyfriend or friend who physically hurt you?   no, fuck you. are you afraid of death?   i am.  i'm most concerned about how badly it'll hurt/how i'll die. do you think you’ll be one of those people that will get a divorce in the future?   no, because i'd literally refuse to leave my spouse unless he became dangerous. last person you kissed on the lips said that you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them?   if he leaves his current girlfriend, sure. are thongs sexy?   not to me... but then again, i'm not attracted to feminine garb. is penetration important to you?   considering i was fine doing purely foreplay with jason/having no penal-vaginal penetration, no, it's not very important. what is your sexuality?   i am heterosexual, but have some asexual tendencies, ex. i am not physically attracted to male genitalia. do you prefer long or short hair on the opposite sex?   long is fucking sexy. would you rather have 10 siblings or be an only?   ten.  that'd be cool. what is your opinion on legalizing drugs?   it's fucking stupid to even mildly consider it.  i know a lot of people think it will lessen crime with drugs, but ha, i HIGHLY doubt it.  besides that, why legalize something dangerous?  murder's wrong, should we legalize that shit, too?  and i mean, we already have enough controversy over things like cigarettes and alcohol, two very dangerous things, why add another to the mix? do you drink coffee on a regular basis?   no, i hate coffee. do you like country music?   no, i don't.  it's very rare that once in a while i'll hear a song i like, but it's seldom. are you afraid of black cats?   not at all. do you watch the lightning during storms?   omgggg yes what is the weirdest thing you have ever done with a crush or significant other?   i guess you could consider borderline fucking on a chaise in the open living room "weird?"  but shit was fun. do you shave your arms even though it supposedly grows back thick?   i shave my underarms, not my arms. do you ever get too lazy to clean up your pet’s pee and leave it for your parents to do it?   no, if teddy pees, i clean it up. what insects or bugs do you fear most?   rhinoceros beetles are fucking terrifying, praying mantises are kinda scary... i also just don't like beetles in general. do you think weed is just as bad as cigarettes?   it's worse.  it's been proven to have more carcinogens. who taught you to drive, and were you happy with their approach?   my driver's ed teacher was mr... cone, i think?  he was fine.  besides him, mom taught me to drive, and she was waaaay too strict/yelled a lot. do you get seasick or carsick?   carsick, no.  seasick, i'm not entirely sure.  i've only been on a boat on the ocean once, and it was my anxiety that nearly made me puke. is sex on your mind more than 3 times a day?   lately, yeah. do you like it up against the wall?   errr, i'm going to just go along with this.  i wouldn't know, never tried, but sounds fun. are you smiling?   lmao what do you think, i just sit at my computer smiling like a madman all day? what has been the most traumatic experience of your life? does it still bother you?   by far, jason leaving me.  and obviously, as i've been diagnosed with ptsd because of it. was your last kiss drunk or sober?   i've never kissed someone while drunk, so. have your lips ever gone numb from kissing?   lmao, that's possible?  i've kissed for hours on end and have never experienced that. why did you first kiss the last person you kissed?   because i really liked him.  why else? are monday mornings the hardest mornings to wake up to?   no no no, new gmm!! do you want to know the date of your death?   absolutely not. have you ever kissed an ex after you broke up?   no. do you wear hair extensions?   nah. do you wear eyeliner?   if i ever wear makeup, yes, i always do. do either of your parents have tattoos?   neither do.  mom wants one, though. your phone is ringing. it’s your ex. what do you say?   "hi, sweetheart." what is your natural hair color?   i was born dirty blonde, but it turned brown with age. is your dream job attainable?   realistically, for me, no.  i'd like to be a meerkat biologist, but i'm not moving to africa. have you ever been to a drive-in theatre?   no, but that'd be soooo fun! :( what moment in your life have you been most scared?   those first moments after jason told me it was over.  the moment i told mom, "jason broke up with me," because it was my true acknowledgment that it was over.  can you imagine how it'd feel like to be skinned alive?  to have all your flesh ripped away, leaving you bare and vulnerable?  that's what it felt like. do movies such as ‘saw’ and ‘the grudge’ scare you easily?   "the grudge" is a fucking awesome movie (think i've only seen the second, tho), but i'm not a "saw" fan.  i just... eh, they're too bloody.  to an exaggerated degree.  and i don't like seeing people so scared. do you have an ipod? how many songs are on it?   yes, and over 1,000.  i sometimes have to delete songs to make room for more. how do you get to school?   i'm not in school anymore, but when i was, mom always drove me there. would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness?   i don't really want to adopt period, but i don't know if hypothetically i would, but merely for the child's own well-being.  i am seriously mentally ill, and because of this, i don't really know if i'm capable of raising said child in a completely healthy environment. gas prices...first thought?   lower than they used to be, at least.  i remember when they were over $4.00 favorite non sexual thing to do with girl/boy?   play two-player video games together. :D