#She is fully on her own for the first time without like. Full on isolation. She’s 300-400something w no strong sense of self in her mind.

[deathxproof-archive]

Very much need to sit down and write the little scene banging around in my head of Susan 4 or 5 sitting on the floor of her TARDIS with Johnny Chesterton maybe a couple times after hanging out with them as an adult person rather than the little baby child her friends had around. Both decompressing a bit after a fun little mildly-near-death experience until Johnny is finally just “yeah so um. who ARE you.” and when she goes into her ramble ramble about “yeah I’m from a different planet my grandfather took me here and I lived with my husband and my kids and—“ they’re eventually like “no no, I want to know who Susan is. If I’m going to potentially get got next to Susan Foreman I want to know who she is and what she likes and what she does for fun when she’s not poking at symbolic buttons in ancient alien civilizations to see what they do”.

The few moments of Susan sitting there like uh oh. Oh boy. Uh oh. Uh oh oh no. She’s been staving off existential crises for the better part of three centuries now. When she’s not simply running from The Horrors who does she let herself be for real. She was thrust into running away with the Doctor and decided to make the active choice to stay with him. She was thrust into living and surviving with David Campbell and decided to make the active choice to love him and start a family with him. She was thrust into a life with big empty spaces where her husband and children used to be and decided to make the active choice to keep to herself. How does she feel more like her own person and not just something that happens to someone.

Johnny reels this all in by standing up and deciding “You know what?? This is fine because: you’re going to choose your own identity and personality for your own self here and now. There are some good bones here. We’re going to build a Susan.”

(It’s also why Johnny is also a big proponent of “if you’re going to be spending so much time in this period of Earth please get a job to fill your time please please” effort that their parents are pushing. Barbara and Ian recognize the behavior as self destructive and Johnny is simply determined to make their friend her own person.)

[lesyeuxdemoii]

paige bueckers x oc

warnings: parent issue, cursing, mention of sex. that’s all that i’m aware of, lmk if anything else

: hii ! extremely happy to join pb community. this is my very first fic, and eng is not my first language, so🙏🏽

also, this work is heavily inspired by: @sommerbueckers and @arlertwhore , that’s why i’m giving full credits to them.

————————————————————————————

I’m not exactly sure how i got into this.

I can’t remember the time that I had any complications in my personal life, yet, i never had one. My main focus was always ballet. Always. I was involved in that endless circle since I was 7. My mother, a former ballerina herself, after unsuccessful attempts to force my older sister to follow her path, took me in her hands, and because of my gentle and submissive characteristics, I obliged. Not that I complained, I did enjoy ballet. I didn’t see myself without it, it was part of me and my persona. School didn’t happen to be a problem as well. I didn’t just get good grades, I got the best ones. In simple words — I was the golden child, the one that was always bragged in rare family gatherings.

Speaking of, the opposite of me was my older sister — Giselle, we called her Gigi. She had that outgoing, extroverted, energetic personality, a personality that was indeed stronger than mine. Gigi’s life was full of parties, passion, dedication, fun. I adored her, her appearance, her lightweight character. We became inseparable when our parents started the train of their “business trips”, leaving us fully alone. They were never at home, never cared enough. They even skipped my 18th birthday, the one that was so important for me, but I hope guess FaceTime saved the situation. It was fine for a while, though, me and Gigi had each other, and that was enough.

My life, apart from yearning for my parents, that i tried to deny, was good. Until… until I got too close with my sister and her friends. That one friend, in particular. That’s how my calculated life was ruined, forcing me to face with something, that I wasn’t entirely prepared to handle. Not alone.

Why did i even come to this party? It was never my thing, I preferred extra practice more, than being trapped in direct contact with sweaty, high, drunk people. They were all so wasted, meanwhile I barely had any sips of my drink. I just couldn’t say no to Gi. She insisted that I need some distraction from my robotic routine, of course I had to say yes, and of course I had to lie to her, hiding the fact that I already owned a distraction, for months, actually.

I stood in the kitchen, leaning against the wall, scrolling through my Instagram feed and periodically checking the time. After a while of mindlessly staring at my phone, i heard that someone entered the kitchen, someone tall, specifically blonde.

“Can’t you just have some fucking fun?” - a voice came from the door, looking up and down my petite, delicate body, compared to her athletic and strong one. I didn’t have to raise my head, already knowing that the signature smirk was present on her pretty face.

“I’m having my own fun here, you don’t have to worry” - I replied without looking at her, trying to act unbothered by her presence, which I most likely failed to do.

“C’mon bro, you can’t isolate yourself from everyone. From me, at least.” - she answered, slowly approaching, and standing closely in-front of me.

“Don’t call me “bro”, I’m not your buddy, Paige.” - she slightly chuckled from my response, taking the phone out of my hand, forcing to look at her.

“First of all, look at me when I talk to you, secondly, you are my buddy.” — she said, studying my face with her beautiful eyes. It looked like she was trying to draw my portrait in her head.

Sure, she absolutely had to mention that I’m her “buddy”, as if it didn’t hurt like knife. I don’t remember how I ended up being engaged in half-situationship position with the infamous Paige Bueckers. I’d met her through Gi, obviously, nothing surprising. She was the walking charm, the magnetic and utterly unattainable girl. Paige was one of the most desirable people, she could have anyone, anytime, anywhere, yet, she chose me to be her secret. Why? I was absolutely clueless. Maybe my innocence was something that attracted her, but you never know. Although, the two things I certainly knew were,

1) She was unbelievably good at everything. (sex and basketball, especially). 2) I was deeply inlove with her, but she didn’t seem to know that, or she pretended not to.

“Seriously, what do you want? I’m already on my nerves, don’t try to piss me off, like really.” - I said, staring back at her, while crossing my arms, as she put my phone on the nearest table.

She smirked, clearly unaffected by my fake attitude, when she brushed my hair behind my ear, resting her hand on my cheek. - “I can take you home, baby.” - she whispered, her voice went down especially during the last part. My eyes softened, and i found myself leaning into her touch.

“Can’t leave Gi here.” - I frowned a bit, but my sister was always my N1 priority.

"She’ll understand, Don’t worry. I will talk to her.” - she moved her lips to my temple, placing a soft kiss there, then to my cheek, repeating the action. I was satisfied by the affection that I received, so i simply nodded, letting her take the control.

Car ride was peaceful. I didn’t know what Paige said to Giselle, but she knew what she was doing, and i fully trusted her. Her hand rested on my thigh, as she drew small circles on it with her thumb, her eyes being fully focused on the road. Her touch was possessive, yet so tender.

When we reached to the destination, Paige demanded to see me off to the door, ending up entering the house. As soon as the door closed, her lips were smashed against mine, her hands pulling me impossibly close by my waist, while I was holding her face. The kiss was passionate, almost sexual. Our lips moved in perfect sync, as if they were made for each other. It was so intoxicating, so intense. Her grip on me tightened, and i slightly hummed in response, causing her to smile. She slowly moved down to my neck, trailing open-mouthed kisses all over it. And for one second, I almost forgot, that everything we were doing was not right, it was a secret.

Sweet secret, that only we were able to knew.

[mobblespsycho100]

which one’s toshiro and whys he autistic?

[ID: full body colored illustration of toshiro from the dungeon meshi manga. /End ID]

THIS FREAKIN GUY!!!! anyway

[ID: anonymous tumblr ask: "would def love to hear ur autistic shuro thoughts". /End ID]

awesome. rant under the cut because it will be long

So before we understand why Toshiro is the way he is we must first understand two things abt him:

1. his household situation is a very traditional clan of warriors type situation. his father is very strict and he left his homeland to go to the Island and explore the dungeon to train and become a warrior to be someone suited as the family head

2. Eastern and Western cultures of respect/propriety are different, and Ryoko Kui highlights it well even in her fantasy world.

With that in mind, heres some bullet point rapid fire thoughts that consume my current state of dunmeshi brain:

Toshiro has an avoidant personality. He fears upsetting others due to his upbringing, and rarely tells others how he feels not because he thinks they would simply understand him but because he doesn't want to seem rude and imposing / cause offense to others especially since he's not in his own homeland / hes a foreigner that should respect the land's customs, not his own wishes.

Setting boundaries is hard for everyone, but especially autistic (and some other ND, like those with Avoidant Personality Disorder) people. Those with ASD, at least in my experience, don't want to be isolated from others. So they mask.

They mask what? their desires. their true selves. their opinions. their discomfort. all for the sake of pleasing others (who are often neurotypical)

With that in mind, suddenly, what Maizuru said abt him as a child makes sense. Due to his strict upbringing, Toshiro had to more or less hide his preferences and force himself to adapt to the rigid constraints of his culture and the pressure to be the next family head, this responsibility is his burden to bear and he cannot be someone who expresses his selfish desires instead of focusing on being a strong warrior and leader

"Why did he say he hate Laios and that it should've been obvious that he disliked/found Laios' treatment of him uncomfortable??" BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS. I'm not going to write off Laios' autism/autistic coding, but its baffling (note: definitely racism and bias for white autistic ppl) to me that a lot of ppl don't see Toshiro's perspective and straight up ignores it. This is a lack of wanting to be rude by speaking up that is based on culture difference on Toshiro's part, and straight up ignorant of his microagressions/racism and lack of self awareness on Laios' end. They were both right, they were both wrong too. This is a complicated conflict that cannot be boiled down to simple ableist/the NT vs ND divide. There's something called . intersectionality. Which brings me to the next point

Toshiro never actually hated Laios. He found him uncomfortable, yes. But he didn't /hate/ him, he was speaking out because he's had enough!!! he's done tolerating Laios' racist bullshit, and he's done following the arbitrary Eastern rules of respecting others and not being rude!!! He. Wants. Laios. To Understand. What. He. Was. Feeling. Because he just had enough!!!!! alright!!! he's at his limit hes at his breaking point, the one he loves is now probably beyond saving, and this is a good time as any to break the news to Laios that he thinks that Laios is impulsive and doesn't fully understand how his actions have consequences!!! Hes right abt this. His feelings on this is valid, just as valid as Laios'

General autistic traits I find from Toshiro: his admiration of Falin's indifference towards insects ("woah shes so brave and gentle!! just like me, fr!!!"), His lack of regard for his own needs and wants (needing to sleep and eat and drink) because he was super focused on saving Falin, His lack of like drastic expression changes, his discomfort with physical touch when it's initiated without consent (see: Laios hugging ppl extra bonus art by Ryoko Kui), his manner of like speaking short and concise, people pleasing tendencies, his like quick way of combat, rule upholder/routine following enjoyer, he seems distant from others even those he consider family not cuz of like any terrible reason but hes just. someone who enjoys his own time alone like. yeah

aannnnndd. thats abt it? i think.

Big part of this is definitely me relating to Shiro as an Asian (specifically chinese indonesian) person who is probably Autistic lmao. I hope this brings more insight on why Toshiro is actually one of the silliest and epiccest dunmeshi characters ever I love him

[crazylittlejester]

I'd absolutely love to hear what you have to say about Time 🙃 /gen

And, I hope you are feeling well. I think you said you were dizzy? I hope that gets better 🫶

I’m feeling much better, thank you!! I hope you’re going good as well :)

Sorry this took me a whole day to type out, but I finished!! I got it!!

I have a lot more thoughts, I had to cut a lot for the sake of making it readable and not obnoxiously long so I really hope I still get my points across well 😭 , but here we go:

An Abridged Version of My Thoughts on Time (I’m Insane I’m Sorry):

Okay so I’m starting off this whole thing by saying that 100% of this is my opinion and the research I did was done specifically to back my stance (which does not make it canonical fact. You can do research to back any point. You can do research to argue against my point, even). This doesn’t make my perspective or interpretation of a character the correct one by any means, and this definitely leans towards how I personally characterize and view him and is biased in that way because I’m the one who wrote it. All of you are entitled to your own opinions, you don’t have to agree with or listen to a single thing I say. In fact if you do disagree I encourage you to reblog and share your OWN thoughts so I can read YOUR perspective! I like seeing opinions people have and I love to see how differently all of us can view the same character /gen. I just that ask if you do do this, that you be kind and respectful to myself and others :)

This entire yap, analysis, whatever you wanna call it, is my perspective on Time and my thoughts behind why I believe he acts the way he does. At some point in all this I’m specifically going to focus on how he’s acting at the end of the Dawn arc and in the more recent updates. However in order to talk about that I wanna go to the beginning and talk about his past, the environment he grew up in, his relationships with others, and how I believe that has shaped the way he functions as an adult. My apologies now for being insane, unfortunately I have no life and also a lot of thoughts, and full access to a college library full of case studies- My professors would be so proud… Hope y’all enjoy lmao

Loneliness and Isolation:

One of the first things I noticed when I started playing OOT was this divide between Link and the Kokiri. Despite the fact that none of them know he’s actually a hylian, the bullying and teasing and the way they treat him for not having a fairy feels as though they’re making him to be different from them. Even Saria and the Great Deku Tree speak to/about him in ways that make it seem that, even though they care about him, they do see him as different from the others. (Granted, Saria’s treatment of Link is likely fully an unintentional thing. She doesn’t mean to be cruel when she makes her comment about how after Link got his fairy he could be a real Kokiri because she is a child and probably didn’t think about how that would come off to a kid who’s been arguably treated as less than for not having a fairy this entire time. She’s probably aware of how upset he’s been, but they’re children and I doubt she realized her attempt at comfort potentially made Time feel worse. The Great Deku Tree, on the other hand, referring to him as ‘the boy without a fairy’ immediately makes it clear to us as the player that Link is different from the Kokiri. He knows Link is hylian, which is something the player, Link, and the Kokiri do not know at this point)

Not having a fairy like the others certainly separates Time from the Kokiri because having a fairy companion appears to be a huge deal, something everyone has in common except for him. While it isn’t really on the same scale, I imagine this feeling of not having something your friends do could be, to an extent, comparable to how it would feel if all your peers had cell phones or social media access and you did not. (BAD EXAMPLE I KNOW BUT HEAR ME OUT.) The ability to consume media at such a fast pace and share jokes and trends with peers has become something to bond over, and being outside of that ‘world’ would leave someone to feel like they’re missing out on something they couldn’t possibly understand unless they get it for themselves. When your friends all have phones and you don’t, you have to sit there awkwardly when they all pull them out to text people or look things up, even if you’re doing something that doesn’t even require being on your phone, like going to the mall or hanging out. Sure they might show you a meme or two, but you can’t show them your memes, or share things and exist in the online world the way they do. Time could see and interact with the others’ fairies but he didn’t have that for himself, and I imagine it was probably hard for him to bond with the Kokiri because of it. Even if they were just playing a game or messing around and he wasn’t even being teased for not having a fairy of his own, those other fairies were right there as a constant reminder that Time didn’t have his own companion because he was, for a reason he couldn’t understand, different

Having played Skyward Sword and the beginning of Twilight Princess and seeing how both of those Links are treated by the people around them in comparison to how the Kokiri interact with Time, it feels safe to say there’s a good possibility he felt out of place and a little isolated by his own community. The way he was seemingly blamed for the death of the Great Deku Tree after finding out the life altering information that he is different probably did nothing but cause further divide between himself and the Kokiri in his mind, if not completely sever the connection he had between himself and that community

Do I think the Kokiri completely excluded him and intentionally tried to isolate him? No, I do not. However it’s clear that Saria was his best friend and the others weren’t always the nicest to him. It’s not too far a stretch to say he probably felt very lonely at times in his childhood, more so than the average kid

The theme of isolation and loneliness continues when the timeline shenanigans happen at the end of OOT and Time is now the only one who knows what happened to him. He has absolutely nothing to show for what he physically just went through and he can tell people about it all he wants but they’ll never understand because for them it simply never happened. Once again Time is isolated from this community he finds himself a part of because he’s different from them in a way they cannot relate to, driving a wedge between him and the rest of society. And Malon and Zelda are not people who would intentionally drive him further from feeling like he can belong, but they will forever be different from him in a way none of them now have the power to control. He formed relationships with them and with other people that were then erased. He knows a version of them that doesn’t exist anymore (in the timeline he continued to live in), and he’s alone in that. There IS no fix to that problem

Attachment Styles and Development

Relationships are crucial to child development and the connections formed when we’re young impact the way we create and view our relationships in adulthood. Peer relationships are just as important as parental ones because they play a different role. While your friends are the ones who have more of an impact on things like your music tastes, interests, and sense of identity/role within your group of peers, it’s your parents/caregivers who teach you right from wrong (often religion plays a part in that as well though not always), are responsible for feeding you and helping you learn new skills as a young child. Having a secure attachment and good relationship to caregivers when you’re young really impacts how you seek comfort as an adult and how you form relationships with others. Children whose parents or caregivers responded to their distress in unpredictable ways (by offering comfort sometimes and being unable to other at times, for an example) are less likely to seek out those figures for comfort or be soothed by them when the comfort is offered. I have no idea exactly how old Time was when he was placed with the Kokiri or what his mother was like, but I feel it’s fair to say the Great Deku Tree was probably the closest thing to a parental figure/caregiver (while he was living with the Kokiri) that he has any memory of. And I also feel it’s fair to say that as the stationary tree guardian of a bunch of immortal children, it was pretty impossible for him to support all of those kids’ emotional needs

Making this assumption based solely on Navi’s role in the story and what she does for us as players of the game: I feel like the fairy companions might almost be more of a parental/caregiver like figure to the Kokiri children than the Great Deku Tree is, simply because they’re able to be around them more. Navi helps Time (and the player) find things, gives clues, and helps the player with the game controls, so inside the actual game I think it’d be fair to say she (and other fairies) have more of a hands on role in guiding these children than the Great Deku Tree. And again, Time didn’t have that, not until his adventure started. He didn’t have a fairy companion while his friends and peers did, he was on his own. He wasn’t getting that potential comfort from a reliable caregiver the others were, which I believe can be partly responsible for how determined he is to solve his own issues. (Of course personality also has a play in things like this, and as we all know the hero’s spirit is incredibly fucking stubborn.) He was taught through the failures of the ‘adult’ figures in his life that the only one who’d be there to really comfort him was him

Identity and Relationships

Apart from feeling alone and not having the same types of companionship his peers did, I firmly believe Time seriously struggled with identity issues as well. Being told he wasn’t enough for the Master Sword yet, just to then be suddenly physically several years older and expected to operate as an adult despite having less than a decade of life experience, back to being shoved into the body of a child after living through horrors and accumulating scars that are now just gone doesn’t real make for the most confident, mentally stable of people. The message he most likely took from that was “You’re not enough as you are.”

He was a hero who saved a kingdom, then forgotten when everything was set back, and then abandoned by the one person (fairy) who went through it all with him after it was all done. If he’d felt alone or isolated in his youth before all that happened, I can’t imagine how overwhelming all those emotions were after all that. He needed Navi because she’s the only one who can really validate what he went through, she was the only one who could have understood him. She was a guardian and a friend and he couldn’t figure out why she left him, which must’ve just been absolutely devastating.

He was still just a kid, with no one to talk to about these issues. (Though he sort of works through some of them on his own through helping others in Majora’s Mask. Granted that left him with new issues even if it may have helped him work through a few old ones. I think there are quite a lot of similarities between Link and Skull Kid, but that’s a yap for another day.) I can imagine that both his identity and what he was supposed to do with himself were things he questioned constantly, and building relationships with people was probably very difficult for him when he hadn’t fully worked out himself. And he didn’t really have someone to comfort him or help him figure all that out

At a certain point, I think the feeling of being alone became almost a comfort to him. It was the most reliable thing he had, he could handle things on his own and that was something he knew for fact. He learned how to deal with his emotions and issues (maybe not in the healthiest of ways in his youth), and instead of being so suffocating, the isolation became something he could CONTROL. With all the instability throughout his childhood, the fact that he could reliably be on his own without dealing with the unpredictability of others was probably a relief. He didn’t have to worry about people leaving or getting hurt because he couldn’t protect them, but that didn’t really replace the feeling of loneliness so much as sloppily cover it up

Malon and the ranch are things that have been able to give him something he hadn’t had in years, which was stability and companionship. He’s been alone and isolated or dealing with loss his entire life, but she’s able to provide him with something steady, something safe to come back to. That’s been absolutely huge for him in regards to the healing process, because not only is it said in LU that she believes him completely, she’s literally his biggest supporter. And having a sturdy location and person to come back to at the end of whatever little trips he probably continued to go off to gave him comfort while still allowing him to keep that feeling of control over himself and his life. Sure not everything is perfect all the time and relationships are things that you have to put time, effort, and patience into, but he’s allowed to have his support and his much needed feeling of control over his life at the same time while living in that scenario. She loves him, she loves him very much and I have no doubt they worked together to get him to the place of comfort he’s at now. The panels from any of the ‘Malon’ posts are really the most relaxed we’ve seen Time for long stretches of time, it’s clear he’s been able to make a safe space for himself there

And now here’s the part where I actually talk about the recent comic update(s)!!!!!!!! (Yippee!!!)

Time is a very quiet, stoic character in LU especially when compared to the others, which are qualities that pull a lot from the hero’s shade. He’s the unofficial official leader, and he’s at a point in his life where he’s been able to work on himself and form healthy relationships (not perfect ones, but healthy ones built on communication which is clearly a struggle for him still but I cannot afford to get into that this post because that’s way too much. If y’all want a yap about that, ask me later). He puts a lot of stress and pressure onto himself, because he feels as though he’s responsible for these younger heroes, even though some of them have far more experience than he does

But in addition to this, he’s absolutely terrified of caring about people, and he’s not used to working with other people in this area of his life. Because no one sticks around, and if they do, what’s stopping the timeline from resetting somehow and taking their memory of him away? He no longer has the stability and comfort that comes with being alone because he’s forced to work with other people, other heroes who are equal to him in that regard, and people are unpredictable. And with unpredictability comes loss of control

Anger is an easier emotion for a child to process, and express themself through. This is why depression in children often manifests itself as anger. Children dealing with depression have a harder time managing and controlling their anger and can come off as snappier, inattentive, and reckless (obviously this is not the same case for every single child). While he certainly isn’t a child anymore in LU, I think Time is still someone who when overwhelmed is quick to anger, but this does not mean that he’s not kind. He’s incredibly kind and caring, and you can tell he loves everyone around him so deeply even though he’s probably a bit angry at himself for letting them all worm their way into his heart because he’s going to have to let them go some day. But still, some of that snappiness comes through even in his adult years and he’s a lot harsher with the others than I believe he intends to be. He’s not genuinely angry at them, he’s mad at the situation they’re in right now because he’s no longer responsible for just himself. He doesn’t have control anymore, and he’s probably back to feeling like a scared child who might be about to lose everyone again and he hates that

Twilight got hurt and he blames himself for it. He’s in an unfamiliar situation with people he cares a lot about who are all just as reckless and determined as he is, and he has absolutely no idea what to do with himself because in his mind if he lets something happen to one of these boys, that’s on him and he should’ve done better

Ough (A Continuation of ‘Isolation’)

In a way Time exists on a different level of the timeline. He retained memories of things that no longer exist, and he’s witnessed the rewritting of time over and over again. The timeline he was born in may no longer be the one he exists in, though it certainly branched from that original one. He has knowledge and memories of relationships that are real to only him in the timeline where he lives, and I would argue that because of this, he lives outside of society

Now this genuinely has nothing to do with anything I just wanna yap about something because The Voices, and it’s gonna be a fucking reach but if you’ve stayed this long you must find something appealing about my incoherent rambling so allow me to draw a genuinely insane comparison between Time and his existence in society and ‘The Lady of Shallot’, written in 1832 by a poet by the name of Alfred Tennyson. If you have no idea what this is, it’s incredibly short and easy to find with a quick google search, and I encourage you to read it. But for those of you who didn’t sign up for a poetry assignment today I’ll summarize

The Lady of Shallot is cursed to stay in a tower away from the rest of society and she’s unable to look upon Camelot with her own eyes, because something bad will happen if she does though she has no idea what. Day after day she creates these tapestries of what she sees of the society behind her through a mirror. She’s unable to look at it with her own eyes so what she creates is unable to perfectly reflect what it is the world has to offer. And she’s absolutely sick of it, she sees happy people wandering down below, knights riding through, she sees through her mirror what life is like for those within society and she wants to join them. She sees a beautiful man one day (Lancelot) and decides the curse is worth it, just for a chance to leave her tower, so she turns around and sees Camelot with her own eyes. She leaves her tower and goes to join society but by the time she gets there she’s dead

Now one of the meanings hidden within this is how artists are almost outside of society and that is how they are able to so accurately depict it, and that joining society and being ‘normal’ would make them unable to keep their unique perspective that isolation provides. But I’m going to be crazy here and draw parallels to a video game character because I CAN

Time exists outside of society and is isolated from every community he tries to be a part of because the differences between him and the Kokiri/normal hylian are so significant he feels like he doesn’t belong there. Despite having built his sense of identity back up, he still, to an extent, feels like an outsider. The things he’s been through separate him from being able to just be a normal guy, and he craves so badly to be part of a community he’s almost convinced himself he CANNOT join. The chain (and Malon, but mainly the other heroes) help him have something to connect to, because while they may not have the exact same experience they understand him more than anyone else ever could. He then tries to join society, something happens, and he dies a warrior full of regrets

Is it a reach? Yeah. But I like the poem and I can’t stop thinking about the parallels (that I’ve probably completely fucking made up at this point) every time I think too long about Time and it makes me claw at the dry wall and scream. I’m so normal…

Anyways, *weak cough* thanks for reading, if you did. It means a lot that you’ve supported my insanity. I hope this is coherent-

Thanks Emmie for reading through this for me 😭, and special shoutout to every single one of you who sent me asks yesterday to remind me to write this I love you all sm actually:

@trash-aged-like-fine-wine @rebornofstars @blueskybehindtheclouds @captainn-hook @ghosttoasts

[loquaciousquark]

hello quark! i've gotten to the szarr palace again in bg3 and am now super curious about tavish and astarion's thoughts about amanita szarr and vellioth! i imagine personally that astarion had no idea amanita even existed, and that finding out about vellioth's rules might give him a knee-jerk but ultimately conflicted rejection response—something about how those rules are why cazador treated him so poorly, so he rejects them on principle, but also his life experience has been such that he actually agrees with them... it'd be a tangle for him to try to work through, i think, but what about you? what are your thoughts?

I! LOVE! THIS! QUESTION!! Thank you so much for asking!

I definitely agree that Astarion had no idea Amanita existed. That Cazador had turned a full vampire and then imprisoned her in their attic; that she was resisting her compulsions and defying Cazador's orders; that a powerful vampire hated Cazador as much as Astarion did? No way. No way does Cazador ever let Astarion or any of the other spawn even get a hint of her existence. I don't even know if she knew very much about them, actually; I think if she really thought there was someone she could help or someone she could ally with in this very lonely, isolated existence, her journal entries wouldn't have been quite so despairing.

(Sidebar: I adore the tragedy of the attic in the Cazador mansion being the only place that allows in some shafts of light. I bet he did that to her on purpose.)

After finding out about her existence, I think Astarion would be conflicted at first, then decide that if she's abandoned them all, he's not going to waste another thought on her. He didn't know her, she didn't know him, and if she fled without helping them, he's not going to worry about where she's gone. He'd have even less of an interest in her outcome than his siblings, I think, and those relationships are already contentious at best.

Now, Vellioth--I think that's another story. Finding out that Cazador, who has effectively set himself up as god-emperor to the spawn, the source of all pain and pleasure and the total sum of their universe, couldn't even come up with his own base set of rules? Finding out that Cazador is just one more link in an endless chain of suffering?

Man, I think it'd be rough for Astarion. I can easily see him going in a circle of laughing at Cazador for being a pathetic copycat -> a pathetic copycat enslaved me for 200 years -> does that make me even more pathetic than I originally thought -> is my escape therefore worth less in the grand scheme of justice -> no, what I did was great and good -> Cazador was pathetic but he was also powerful -> it is admirable that I killed him and therefore he must have had intrinsic value as an enemy -> Cazador was powerful in his own way even if he stole from Vellioth -> Cazador stole everything from Vellioth & was nothing more than a pathetic copycat, and so forth. Exhausting!

Once he got over the initial surprise, I do think he would have looked back at his time under Cazador and wonder if it needed to be reframed. The account of Cazador's impalement is horrifying. The brutal murder of Cazador's friend (Cazador had a friend!) is horrifying. And at the end of that horror, Vellioth still made Cazador a full vampire.

What does that mean for Astarion? Did Cazador really think he was being merciful by only imprisoning him for a year? Would Cazador have ever fully turned him if the ritual hadn't come into play? Probably not--probably he's just as cruel as Astarion always thought he was, and likely even more, but I think it's one last element of rug-pulling viciousness from Cazador to Astarion right at the end, one last time. Cazador dies, and Astarion can't even be unquestioningly happy about it.

As far as Astarion internalizing those rules, I think post-Cazador's death, he has a kneejerk rejection of anything like them for himself, just like you say. I do think if he's not checked by Tav/his LI, he may unconsciously lean into similar rules for them (see: the nearly identical ruleset he gives a turned Tav after Ascending), but I think a spawn Astarion with a healthy relationship could be coaxed out of that mindset given enough time & support.

An incredible question. Thank you so much for asking! :D

[worth-this-and-more]

my honest opinion on "bree cheated on nick with sel"

[spoilers for legendborn and bloodmarked, read at your own caution ;)]

listen, i personally am rooting for selbree since the start, since legendborn, but I swear I'm not baised

yes, at first glance, this looks like cheating. i will not deny that. the only explanation anyone is giving is that "nick left them and this is why bree kissed sel"

now the thing is, let us match parallels with another of my fav book series, shatter me in shatter me, juliette found she can actually touch adam without killing him and they mistook their barely formed connection to romance and that's when shit started going down and then when she was away from adam, feeling betrayed by him, conflicted by aaron because damnit why is he so nice to her, she feels she can fall for him because adam betrayed her once, right?

in legendborn, nick is the best guy bree can end up with, honestly. my guy is so flirty, so caring, so protective, anyone can fall for him, seriously. and so I understood how bree would naturally fall for him too. they weren't given time to spend together before his father pulled this whole shit and everything went to hell.

however, bree from legendborn is not the same as bree from bloodmarked. bree from legendborn is grieving her mother, guilty over her last argument, in this desperate obsession to find out her mother's death's truth. in the middle of it, nick felt like solace, safe, her "home". he was the only familiar person in this southern chapter so she would obviously be more connected to him than anyone else.

but bree from bloodmarked?? she has found a way to connect to her mother, which was stripped from her, then she is on a desperate hunt to get nick all the while trying to be the king everyone wants her to be. she didn't choose this, none of her ancestors did. and when she finally found nick, he left them. nah seriously, he left. i can understand how traumatizing his father's death would be for him to straight up kill in revenge, but he left. at your most vulnerable moments you self isolate, i know, but nick told bree not not look for him, them again asked her to come find him, knowing full well how risky it was for her if she could be caught. and staying away from sel he knew sel's oath would affect him, but his actions don't fully make sense. nick in bloodmarked is working on a completely different mindset and it is not blatantly obvious so i can understand why bree felt betrayed because nick has specifically asked her to come to him and then he just left?? he is processing his grief and i am sure the proximity has brought them together along with the arthur lancelot connection so maybe this is why i feel like it's soon. I'm not saying it wasn't real its really soon. literally a highschool romance.

and bree is having gradual feelings for selwyn since the start of bloodmarked. like not simply because he's the only one she knows thing, but because she genuinely tried to understand him and they went from enemies-to-friends-to-allies. those moments between them, and everything, it was concerning to me how bree switched from nick in her dreams to sel in reality, but it's kind of similar to how aaron and adam go about it.

bree and nick were not official at this point, so I personally don't believe its cheating.

and honestly guys they knew each other for like two weeks how on earth is that cheating??? didn't even make anything official and guys seriously they "felt like" they had a strong connection it was only two weeks of knowing each other damnit

she said they are "seeing each other" and that means you can see other people too like seriously guys get over it

[driftward]

Log Entries 113-140

Log Entry 113

She woke up late. She never wakes up late.

At least we still went for her morning run. Well, morning. Barely. It was lunch time when we got back. She washed up, changed outfit, went to the meeting room where the company usually has their lunch, and announced to everyone present that the courtship between her and the Chirurgeon had ended.

And then she retreated.

The Madam Commander is acting in paradox. Frantic, yet still. Bubbling full of emotion, silent as ice. Hands reaching for tasks, yet nothing accomplished.

I have seen her here before, and I am afraid. I cannot keep her safe this time.

I want her to take care of herself. I want to prepare. She is going to self isolate. We need food, water, books.

Stupid, stupid.

Log Entry 115

The Madam Commander’s brother is still at headquarters, which I did not fully appreciate. She went to him. The Leftenant was there as well, but whatever they were doing, they put it aside to let her stay.

Nothing happened. We’re well fed and there’s plenty of tea.

Log Entry 117

She sent the Mathye a fruit basket. I looked back through Lily and Foxglove’s notes. I’m pretty certain this is the wrong way to handle a break up. I referenced some stories from the archives.

They’re no help.

My own guidance recommends that, if opportunity presents itself, to send someone with relationship difficulties back from the field to sort it out so they are better able to focus on what’s right in front of them.

Guess we aren’t meant to be counselors.

Log Entry 118

I was so worried that I didn’t notice at first, but!

Something’s changed.

She wakes alone, but from that moment, she does not stay alone. If there is nobody where she intends to be, she seeks until she finds somebody.

Our friends accept us. She does not talk as much, but they seem happy to just have her there, and it’s a relief, I’m relieved, she’s not brooding, well she IS but she’s brooding with company, and most importantly, no running off to perform ill advised experiments with insufficient supervision.

I am not sufficient supervision. Noting that here should it come up again. She’s too big and too heavy for me to move by myself. That’s important to note. I’m noting it.

Log Entry 119

She could stand more variety in her diet.

Log Entry 124

She practically lives in the workshop, now. I think she’s determined that’s where her friends are likely to either be, or where they’ll look for her first. And she’s taken to machinery with enthusiasm.

Which is great! I can also access schematics! In theory. Fairies did lots of things back in ancient Nym. I am an Eos-class, so while I am specialized for helping my Scholar in field triage situations, fairies like me had other jobs, too!

And I am so much more than most fairies. I bet I could pick this up no sweat. Just me and her and her crew, working on these submersicraft and aerocraft.

Soon as I can interact with reality I’m going to bite everyone and everything. This is terrible has been terrible and continues to be terrible.

Log Entry 130

The Madam Commander is more worried about the Crystalficer as time goes on, and I think she’s right! Whatever has happened to the Crystalficer is eerily familiar to what happened to us. Everything was fine, right, until everything was very. Not fine.

The Marine seems to disagree. Where’s her fairy. Where’s Glitterdust. I want to talk to her instead.

A joke! I am hilarious. I still can’t talk to anyone.

Anyroad, worries about the Apple are on pause for now. It seems that someone else has recognized the Madam Commander’s excellence, and asked for her services.

An investigation. This is great, actually! It is well past time. The Madam Commander has recovered her strength well enough, if not her essence. She has been practicing with gunblade and chakram; so she is armed enough. She is smart, and clever, and even without me, she will be alright. The Marine and the Leftenant are never far from her side, and there are others she can call on.

And frankly this is better than her spending all her time in the workshop avoiding thinking about the Chirurgeon.

So, murder most grisly in the home of the land spirits! I wonder if they will be able to see me. We are off!

Log Entry 138

I have missed this.

Lily told me stories of their early adventures, and I have bits and pieces of Foxglove’s gestalt, to say nothing of my own memories.

Simply, my Scholar is an investigator.

And it is in an investigation that she is most in her element.

We’ve been directed to examine some bodies. I want to tell her what I can see! I want to help! I can see what’s wrong almost immediately. Their physical form may be whole, but their essence is depleted - further than even death would suggest, given how long they have been dead. If I was more here than not here, I could help perform the autopsy work.

But my Scholar is an investigator.

And while I have been helpful in the past, she doesn’t NEED need me for this.

Watching her work is a marvel. The way she notices every detail of a scene. The way she manages to see things nobody else does, not even me. The care with which she acts. The way she puts pieces of information together.

I thought I would try to help. And I think she managed to see the world I do, just for a moment, I’m… I’m not sure. But she saw the essence depletion, same as me.

A small puzzle piece! The Adept and the Marine are both here. She called on them both, and set them to work, and began to put the matter together.

It’s so good to be back in the field like this.

Log Entry 139

The Crystalficer was still on her mind, and so we went to their home. A small living craft, worthy of any proper Nymian. Her and the Marine disagreed on some matters, even as she examined the ship and noted it had been abandoned.

She wanted to go inside. The Marine disagreed.

It was a risk, but we took it. Just the slightest nudge, right? Just a brief touch, through, and I had her hand through the door and opening it from the other side.

I don’t think the Marine noticed. We examined the boat, and oh, my Scholar is so very very clever! I thought we were only working on the one case, but in fact, we were working on two! She determined that the Crystalficer was very probably the grisly murderer in the home of the land spirits!

Or… something infesting and controlling the Crystalficer.

A voidsent.

We are about to go investigate further.

Log Entry 139 addendum

IT WAS NOT A VOIDSENT HOLY SHITE IT WAS NOT A VOIDSENT THIS MAY BE MY FINAL LOG

Log Entry 140

The Crystalficer is back home, safe.

She had… summoned… a unique sort of egi. Now, I don’t know as much about egis as I would like. They are creatures of aether, like me. They are created via sophisticated geometry, like me. But while I tap into anima energies and am formed of symbolic logic, an egi… borrows… primal aether. Sort of like living aether, but elementally charged, and shaped by some kind of conceptual logic.

It was a terrible creature. I could call it a voidsent, I think, for it was full of the chaotic aether with which I am now all too familiar. It had many arms of dangerous blades. It was fast, and dangerous.

I was faster. I am still not sure how I did it, but at one point, I reached, and pulled myself and my Scholar through the in-between.

We avoided the worst of its strikes. We fought back.

It did not dissipate fully when defeated. A part of it is still part of the Apple. It will always be part of her, the Scholar opines.

I look upon it with a faint feeling of horror.

We may be different, but we are the same. Her egi… my Scholar’s fairy… me.

Our aether showing streaks of the strong mix of static and chaos. I know not where her egi got it from. I got the static from the Atelier, so long ago, pulled from the malfunctioning device, to protect my Scholar. And the chaos… again. That from the spaces we visited abyss. I took it to protect my Scholar.

But what if … I am the same as that thing?

A fairy is a symbolic construct that serves their Scholar.

But that thing defended the Crystalficer as viciously as I would defend my Scholar.

And I am clearly not a proper fairy anymore.

No. I won’t do it. And that’s that.

[yelling-space]

sex hcs

// Might be a lil heavy 4 a first post idk??? thought it be a good indicator of what u can expect from me in relation 2 each charter encase that's sming u want 2 avoid tho,

so enjoy this short summary the Main 4s feelings on/relationship with sex and daans here 2 for some reason

none the left over colours fitted Enki so i made him pink 2 spite him

Cw :(Impyed) child prostitution + s/a

Cahara

-whore by birth,slut by choise

-has a hate-love relationship with sex(regardless position) and kinda treats it like a "get out of jail free" card, rellised from a young age the amount of horrble suitions he can get out of if he opens his mouth a lil wider and swings his hips a little

-can be pear pressured/guilted into agreeing 2 sex + for as mutch as hes into and enjoys sex he feels so gross and unclean and not comfy in his own skin after regadles who its with (he will internaly throw up and try 2 rip his skin of if you call him "exotic")

-will cry if he has totally normal fully consensual sane safe sex w a partner/ his wife

-doesnt understand the religious belifes of immodesty or sodomy esply when those higher up dont tend 2 practice what they preach , OPPOSITE of a prude , open whore.

D'arce

-closeted butch top that didnt realize her desire to fuck pretty men was actually her lesbian soul shining through

-lotta her,,,less practical ,vewis on sex stem from deep rooted homophba + was 2 goal oriented and determined 2 became a knight 2 even think about or consider it before espacping the dugon

-full heartedly believed all women harbour a disgust 4 the male sex organ and that coupes just did not have sex endless it was 2 convive a child , as you can imagine she was in for a surprise when discovering that was not the case.

-horrifically inexperienced and guided by her desire to dominate, and thus becomes known for owning The Scary Strap" that medieval men are afraid of

Enki

-Dead body fucker. That Necromancy spell is NOT going to just go too waist ,

-not all that interested in sex in general and never really saw any reason to engage with it when spell books are literally RIGHT there . saying that he most definitely gets of on having something completely under his control regardless what end the "fucked-fucking" scale he's on

- not really into sex with living people + how he's probably kind of inexperienced due to an isolated upbringing hence the want for control over puppeteering a sexual partner (dead body), or the high he gets off inflicting acts of sadism given how his ideas of intimacy have been twisted from childhood

-100%%%%%%% a fucking freek btw just cuz hes not 2 instered in sex dosnt mean hes not a fucking freek man fucks dead people and probs vry mutch into s/m

Rag

-wife kink. you don't understand how much he loves his wife.

-probs thinks sex is something shared between two lovers and is something meant 2 be full of affection and enjoyed by both party's

-probs see's s/a being viewed as something incredibly disrespectful, cowardly and the abuser deserve of death getting his shit kicked in (this is funny because i like 2 imagen rag starts projecting his dead wife onto cahara when he starts 2 lose it in the dungeon)

-did not know sex work existed or brothels were a thing, got jump scared by it when taking cahra back 2 see his wife with the others , he was vry confused and not rly sure where he was MENT 2 look so spent most the time with his eyes glued to the floor, celling or his friends faces (he respects women even if he's not rly sure what's going on)

Daan

-lil sex adictic freek , dosnt even realy enjoy sex that much,just so used 2 it being apart his life hes not entirely sure what 2 do without it,+allows himself to ast least feel incontrol the situion (for once in his life) cus he knows what the goal is and faster he gets it over with faster he'll be left to his own devices again.

-sex is all he rly knowns and grown up around, as well as one the only things hes ever seen actually be meaningful to anybody,regardless there relationships with there partner. but it feels like its something he owes people/doesnt really enjoy it regardless if he acrly wants it or not.

-dosnt proply understand how relationships work or that there's more 2 them then just sex (or that people could even *want* him for more then sex for that matter)

-sex was allways seen as something transactional or something for control - cant have any of that with fagcat, but can at least indulge in it in a way that makes him feel like he's way 2 finally has some small aspect control his life again.

-Honesty like ¾ his sex life is just him being abused by Pocketcat

[bbycosmo]

Has anyone else noticed this???

Okay... for sure I am not the first to notice this, but I feel there needs to me more people talking about this.

The parallels between Miles Morales and Bree Matthews?!

Both of them at the end of their respective arcs are being told who they are and what they are supposed to be and do. And the general feeling I get from both of them can be summed up by Miles in Across the Spider -verse, when he is being chased and assaulted back to back by Spidermen, women alike from across the whole multiverse, and Miguel is telling him that he was a mistake, that he was never supposed to even be spiderman.. that he is the ANOMOLY and for things to continue moving forward without any further hiccups he has to let his father die.

then he's LIKE!!!!

which I feel is so so Briana Matthews right now. Of course Bree doesn't explicitly say a line like this towards the end of BloodMarked, but ohhhh I totally think we are going to get there in Oathbound.

In both LegendBorn and Bloodmarked Bree is told that her being the Scion of Arthur was a mistake. That she, someone like her shouldn't even be apart of the Legendborn let alone apart of their "traditions" and this was clear after Bree was never going to be allowed to pull Excalibur with the Regents in attendance. They had already made the decision that whatever Briana Matthews is or can potentially be is nothing more than a threat to their existence.

Can you not see the parallels here?!

That question feels like a shoutout to Lord Davis ( or as the #wizardteampod has coined Dud Davis.) and that thought irks me.

(( I will admit that I thought it was Doug Davis for like 10 minutes and I sat thinking... who the hell is DOUG?? ))

Dud David is just so fitting because a dud can be defined as a thing that fails to work properly or is otherwise unsatisfactory or worthless. Which is so funny because his whole plan to call on Camlann by opening the gates 25 years or so ago, was a bust. Yet that man was so delusion that be believes he is the chosen one, the one who will uproot all the corruption and evil, and believed that with Arthurs powers he would be able to do so.

THEN!! THEN!!! when he meets Arthur while he was in the possession of Bree's body EVEN PROBLEMATIC ASS ARTHUR wants nothing to do with him. That was poetic justice.

OKAY BACK TO BREE BREE

We know Bonnie (TVD) and Revenge Katara (ATLA) inspired Bree's character but we have yet to see Bree herself act by her own accord to achieve revenge. ( BECAUSE MANY OF THE TIMES BREE HAS BEEN BAD ASS AND BEATING SOMEONE'S ASS SHE WAS POSESSED BY THAT.... VIRUS OF A SPIRIT, ARTHUR. ALTHOUGH I WILL ADMIT BREE IN THE DREAM WORLD WHEN SHE FIGURES OUT HOW TO HARNESS HER POWERS AND STARTS KICKING MERLIN AND SIR LANCELOT'S ASS SHOULD BE MENTIONED BECAUSE IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME. LIKE NICK AND SEL BOTH HAVE DONE SOME OUT OF POCKET THINGS AND HERE COMES BREE WITH FISTS A-BLAZING )

ANYWAY.. I'm ready to see Ms. Briana Matthews start beating every bodies ass. It's about damn time!!

I do wonder how far her anger will take her in her story because she doesn't (currently that is, because she is with the Shadow King) have a Anng like character to keep her in check. Since she has isolated her self physically and mentally from everyone.

AANNNDD let's not forget she is not the only one full of rage either. William's arc is currently underway, and we do not know how he is going to deal with all the sadness for loosing his squire, Whitty and the anger he feels at the Regents and even himself. Especially towards the end of Bloodmarked where he is dealing with the fact that he is unable to heal Alice or Selwyn because there is no information on his powers being used to treat a Onceborn or a Cambion who has fully transformed.

Brianna says that the Regents will pay for the many things they have done but for making William question himself and breaking him will be chief among them. Can I just say how excited I am to see how this part will play out.!!!!

and of course after the Rites when she is in a drugged state while being interrogated she tells Regent Aldrich

"Not here. Not today. But somewhere. Someday."

And i JUST... UGHHH!!!

there are just so many moments where I can not wait to see how these people get what is coming to them!

ALSO!!! a dishonorable mention... FUCK TOR! I do not want her to get a redemption arc I am comfortably fine with hating her and just like in real life there are some people who never get a redemption arc they stay sick and twisted till the day they die.

back on the parallels', these songs from the Across the Spider-verse soundtrack just feel so Legendborn coded. AM I DREAMING is simply BREE's song and you can not tell me otherwise. She's been beaten and forced into a corner time and time again but even still she hasn't given up. This can be credited to the Oathbound teaser where the Shadow King has given the twins an interesting challenge and as she takes off into the forest she says she has no choice but to master this lesson and the one after this and when she has learned everything she can and finally has control she is going to kill him. (The Shadow King)

I will say ' Calling' can be interpreted as a song for so many different characters. I personally think any one of the trio can probably relate to this song. I on the other hand thought of 1 maybe 2 people while listening to the song. So I'm curious which characters will pop up in someone else's mind.

[mercymaker]

brain full to the brim with malstarion worms tonight and I just can't stop thinking about them re: intimacy like

they went from trying to manipulate each other, fucking each other in the forests and valleys in act 1, all while full of complicated feelings, but trying to get the best out of their circumstances.

into act 2 where suddenly things get real and they can no longer ignore their feelings towards each other, but they don't have the tools to unpack all that, so they decide to step back and take sex out of the equation and while it puts astarion in a bit of a "I like her and enjoy the physical sensation, but all the baggage from my past makes me feel awful about it and I can't tell where the act ends and me begins" limbo, he also has the added weight of that insecurity which makes him fear that she would drop him once he stops providing the one thing he's supposedly good at.

but... it's a relief for her as well. mal doesn't tell him that right away (she's just as much about keeping appearances as he is), but... intimacy and sex is very much a dark and confusing river for her as well. it would be to anyone jumping into sex based 50/50 on physical attraction and the "I'm likely going to die soon, so might as well experience what it's like" thought, but mal's also a drow and while she's not a typical specimen of her people (being raised in isolation on the surface), her mother still instilled a lot of those beliefs. so maleane has plenty to unpack in that department, being a drow woman, but struggling to take on a dominant role, for example. not being able to fully relax and let go. overthinking everything. expecting your partner to try to kill you during your first time.. all that stuff leaves plenty to be untangled...

but just because they stop fucking, doesn't mean that they stop trying. they turn to other avenues to express their feelings, they talk so damn much. once they arrive to baldur's gate, they convince the rest of the party they're constantly sneaking away to fuck somewhere a bit more private. but they just talk. they learn how to be honest, vulnerable, and it's not easy. but against their own nature, against the fear of being used and betrayed and lied to, they still do it. they strip their souls naked. and with that the physical aspect starts creeping back in. soft touches. gentle kisses. but the world is falling on their heads, so it's all so fragile.

and then they kill cazador. astarion is finally, truly free. and that takes such a weight off his shoulders. it doesn't fix everything, but it takes away a lot of fear. enough to express his desire again without the ghosts from his past suffocating him. and mal encourages him, she wants to live, just as much as he does. it's an emotional night, for both of them, in that graveyard. but it's still fragile and imperfect, even if it's significant.

maleane still has her side of things to chew through, the absolute, the tyrant, the assassin to topple. but it's a start. she eases into the idea of feeling safe when he touches her. she starts to slowly learn how to let go. it's a slow process and they both fall back into the same dark pits from the past at times. but not always.

and then one night, when they get their own little room at the elfsong, i think that's when it finally happens. when astarion is bubbling with love, with desire, when he touches her the way he never did before. when it's raw and unfiltered and just... warm. no thoughts, barely any words. just two lovers lost in each other's embrace. that's when she finally unravels. when her hushed breaths finally coalesce into a shaky, whispery, broken moan. at the peak of the physicality of the act, it becomes something so much more than just lust and desire.

[foulresteds]

ㅤ⎯⎯ ㅤㅤ 𓇻; FELIPE GONZAGA , THE WIZARD'S APPRENTICE. ( based on the 2009 movie , with different lore )

⚜ felipe gonzaga is a common young man by the first glance. extremely quiet, reserved, he is seen as arrogant by most of his oxford peers and a mystery by the rest. having one friend or two, he is known for standing in the corner and making questions for the teachers and mostly avoiding everyone way. a major in bioscience, felipe holds a secret few could comprehend ; one day, merlin chose him to be his successor as a wizard. it happened as he finished his routine. called his younger sister back in uruguay and prepared himself to sleep. then, a knock on his door - a package delivered. inside, a dragon ring that stirred when felipe touched it, twisting it on his finger and awakening the sensation of dread, power, full energy that stirred and twisted until he got unconcious. when he awakened, a note laid next to him:

⚜ felipe then discovered his roots, visions clouding his eyes as truth revealed itself. his birth mother, who he'd never met, was devoted to natural magic in extremes, a descendant of one of the first apprentices of the ancient wizard. the trace of such was in his blood - enough for merlin ( or his spirit, éter... - don't ask felipe how, he wouldn't know how to explain anyway! ) to choose him as his successor. well, felipe was eighteen at the time and certainly not interested in becoming a freak, always opting to stay in quietness. but accidents kept happening. he sneezed, and a bus turned into an elephant. he waved his hand and the dragon moved just enough to nuzzle against his palm. and still, no mentor came - he, in despair, studies most magic on his own. not grasping it fully since then, only enough to live his life. becoming an apprentice with no master.

⚜ he is extremely gifted but possesses raw energy and power, uncontrolled. a danger to himself and others. reasons why he is so secluded and isolated - in fear of hurting those who wouldn't understand his existence. though the dragon ring helps him keep it mostly under control, he knows his emotions lead him astray. felipe is extremely smart and tries to unite magic with biology and science, seeing it as a gene mutation rather than something supernatural. he denies the existence of an other world, fearing he might encounter his old family : when felipe was ten years old his father, biological, died misteriously during sleep and felipe was sent to an orfanato. there, he was addopted by a lonely professor, señor francisco, who took him to love. this professor later adopted a little girl when felipe was already older, maria. who felipe adores and loves beyond words.

⚜ it is maria who gets him often into trouble. the only human who knows about his magic. at six years old, she likes to have him perform little tricks. those tricks often get out of control. felipe never regrets it, loving to make her smile. she lives still in uruguay, but felipe meets her frequently through portals he dangerously opens. TW : cancer / maria currently has leukemia and that's why felipe does anything she asks. he just wants her to enjoy every second she has, since it is unlikely she will recover.

⚜ felipe has a stray dog named darwin. he jokes the dog is his mentor and only friend. indeed, it is his best friend - and the sweetest animal.

⚜ felipe has a deep, soothing voice. he often lets spanish slip. his english is perfect, but he prefers his mother's tongue. he has to learn latin for his spells but hasn't been able to excell in it. he is extremely kind - he will help you without you asking, and will say nice things because he believes in them wholeheartedly to you, and then he will disappear but leave a mark because his eyes were soft while he said them. he isn't shy. he actually smiles a lot around his family and few friend. but he is so distant in public he feels like a shadow, an owl. he wants to make everyone around him safe. even those he doesn't know. unfortunately, he smokes a lot as well as drinks, being (tw) chronic depressed.

[omies-odd-writing-spot]

Warmth 03: Snow and Troll

sooo....months later I finished this GT prompt <.<;;;;

@raventroll80 I stole your big Troll!Slayer again. thank you for letting me ask 492382 questions. =D big guy finds an argneta teen in winter [there might be a bonus bit later]

.

Snow and Troll:

It was a scream that drew the giant being’s attention. His head lifted from admittedly zoning out and watching the light reflections in the ice and snow. The sound was echoing, not just one of the screeching of the flappy, winged creatures that nested not too far. The scream sounded… alarmingly familiar. 

It was a young voice, hurt, scared.

He was standing without realizing it, stepping away from his spot. Shaking off the thin layer of snow that drifted off the trees. The isolating winter had not been bad to him, if anything the coldness and mostly quiet was pleasant.

The screaming was still there, and if just by sound alone, it might be hard to track. With his height he could see over the normally towering bushes, and saw one of the flappy things. It was falling… with something else.

Some one. 

He saw them separate as they landed with a crash in the snow and dirt.

He was moving towards the two before realizing that what he saw looked human. Could see the flappy creature jumping back up and screeching, almost twice as big as the little one trying to scramble away. He could smell blood coming closer, saw the human like girl was not dressed for the winter. Getting just long enough of a look at her to see the pale sleeping gown that was stained with blood from claw marks and the other lines. Like she had been pulled out of a window or wall? 

Then his massive bulk was running into the creature as it was mid jump at the human. Hitting it with his right forearm, the once soldier watched as it was flung away and into the thin icy surface of the normally slow moving river. He growled, turned to see the bloody mess of the girl- teen?

She looked so scared, terrified really but not fully of him. She did not seem to fully see him at first, watching the creature he hit.

It had been carrying her, it was dragging the teen to its nesting area.

All at once he understood. 

It was dragging the girl to its nest in the onset of winter. It was going to kill the girl, likely try to eat her.

The once soldier growled again as he stood the massive fur he was using like a cloak moving. He bared his own teeth and lumbered after, for now leaving the girl as the creature flailed itself back on shore. It barely stood on all fours to shake off the freezing water and chips of ice. The soldier pounced his full weight onto the creature, a blade he had taken from a demon long ago on one hand. He felt its spine breaking from the weight even before his blade sank through it. It was still a satisfying crunch that happened as he sat back. 

Crouched on his heels, the once soldier picked up the thin creature. Studding it, but he had to catch the half that was trying to fall off. He stood, not wanting to waste something he killed, the giant of a being bit off a chunk of the creature. It was a little leathery compared to the one he ate in summer. It was gone in three bites before he remembered the girl.

He looked over his shoulder, wincing a bit, just hearing scared soft sounds. The giant reached down, scooping snow to wipe his blade, then hands mostly clean. Getting back up, he saw the figure huddled in the show. She looked so small, looking up at him with large… gold eyes?

Not amber, or brown, any shade he knew, mostly remembered. Able to see now that she had white hair as well, not a scarf on her head. He looked down at himself and winced, trying to get the last of the creature’s blood off his hands. He took a step at a time, a slower lumber as the once soldier tried not to loom. 

He still did as the girl, teen, flinched, looking around but then locked back onto his massive frame. She was scared, and was actually now able to see him. She was clinging to her bleeding arms, he could smell the blood, could see the stains on her clothes spreading. The smell of blood would keep drawing more of those creatures in, as they were close to the nesting grounds. 

The teen, she looked like a smaller child to him, as she tried to scuffle away as he knelt. The once soldier paused, looking past the teen- was she human? He scanned for any more of the creatures before reaching out. Felt small hands trying to slap at his fingers, but the being could just hum in sympathy. He was not letting her get away, but also noticed that her body was cold. She could not fight more as he picked the teen up.

Wrapping both hands around the girl, bringer her closer to his frame. Humming back at the cry of pain, trying to shift his hold so she was braced against his chest. Letting the teen sit on his right arm before reaching up as he stood. Pulling the fur over his shoulders around partly. Trying to trap the heat coming off his frame, cupping his left hand over the shivering frame as he started to walk.

“E’ta?” a soft voice spoke, having a questioning edge as a little hand pushed at his own palm, yet the once soldier did not understand it.

He tried to humm back, but could smell the fear and confusion at this point from the girl. The shaking was slowly turning into shivers and then the once soldier started to get worried as even the shivers stopped. The teen was pressing against his chest, face hidden as she hugged herself under his hand. Not even reacting as he rubbed the side of his thumb against their side. 

His thumb felt… damp. He could smell the blood under the fur and gave a worried sound. Looking up and around, spotting the taller trees and cliff side that marked where his current ‘home’ was. An old and abandoned building, half using what was once a natural cavern, or was dug into. The building outside was made of thick stone bricks, and had a big enough double door for him to get through. 

There was already firewood he brought in, and some supplies left by whoever abandoned it here. It was where the once soldier found the big thick fur that he was using, though had no idea what it once was.

Only once inside, safe from the elements he dared lift the fur, sighing in relief that the teen was still breathing. Just unconscious, but was notably warmer then when he found her. It was a bit tricky to get the small teen down, but he could get her settled in the fur to step away and get the fire going again. Find a pot almost too small for him filled with snow to melt into water for the child.

He did not know what to do for the scraps and claw marks all over her. The teen had bled a lot, but did not seem to be bleeding anymore. As if her body was trying to heal faster. The once soldier settled beside the big bundle, trying to be gentle, so careful as his claws had grown out. Lifting a little arm, seeing where the gashes and scraps were. 

He wanted to help, to treat the wounds but the teen was so small compared to him. He was not sure what to do. 

Wounds had to be cleaned, could he do that?

The once soldier took a deep breath, sitting back and looked down. Resting a hand over his stomach, thinking of the creature he ate. Not sure if it would have clean claws.

Cleaning wounds. He could do that much, there was some fabric somewhere in the back of his once abandoned home. Maybe try to wrap the wounds. The once soldier could try to do that much for the teen before she woke up, so she would not be in that much pain.

But damn was it painfully slow to do so. So incredibly awkward to try and make strips of cloth and find all the claw marks on her arms and legs. It was fully dark outside when the giant settled on his side beside the fur bundle. The fire was nice and steady as the giant pulled another mystery fur over his side. Curling around the first human… or almost human he had found in… ages? Years? Centuries? 

He curled around them in the bundle, settling a corner of the second fur other the teen. Watching her in the darkness, before daring to reach out, one large finger- again being so careful with his claws, petting the pale hair. Touched a shoulder, she was so soft and small.

The once soldier looked at his own massive hand compared to his own fractured memories of what they should look like. He sighed and let out a low rumble, not even trying to talk any more. Just settled in to protect this teen, from the cold, from the creatures.

He hoped she woke up.

[nothingtoseehere-7788]

One Man's Trash - After Class Discussion

A continuation....

"Fuck..." Trisha had just settled into laying on the bench they found with her head on Luke's leg. "Just...fuck..."

"I take it you had a good time today."

"Nnngh, that's a little presumptuous." She tried to sound casual but didn't fully succeed.

"You could have left without me," he pointed out as he handed her the soda he had prepared with a bendy straw. She took a sip and set it on the ground beside her.

"You bribed me with food! Speaking of - fries first please!" He smiled and obliged, handing her portion over. She ate a mouthful before resting the box on her stomach resting against her raised leg. He opened a dipping cup of ketchup and settled on balancing it nearby on her stomach. "Thank you."

"Mmhmm. So did you follow my instructions earlier?" Even though they were in an isolated spot he spoke quietly. She took her time swallowing the bite before answering. When the got to the little food court area she was bursting to get untied and cleaned up when he stopped her and told her to make sure she also took the time to have a full orgasm.

"I did, yes. I've never had someone tell me to do that before." He discretely gave each breast a squeeze and she just got visibly awkward. "Hey!"

"Just making sure. I wanted you clear headed before we got into it. I suppose I'll be polite and ask, did you have fun?"

"It was... intense. But yeah? I did?"

"That's very good. I enjoyed it too. I'm especially curious to see how you felt about what happened before class." She looked up to see his smirk that gave her butterflies.

"That was... somehow even more intense. It was like... insanely hot, but also terrifying... and I wasn't expecting it at all..."

"Your little clit really seemed to love it." She gave a small involuntary whine and readjusted her hips.

"You keep taking it to a sexual place..." She complained, referring to their conversation on that first day where they talked about keeping things out of the bedroom for now.

"Wow, what a hypocritical piece of trash. I have yet to touch or even mention my cock while you sit here humping everything in sight when we interact." His tone was suddenly cold and oppressive, his words weighing down on her despite not being touched. "You chose to have that vibe in today. I'm not the one that walked out of class today reeking of used whore." She pulled her arms over chest protectively.

"I...no, that's not..." She struggled to make sense of her mixed emotions. "No, you're right. My body is reacting this way no matter how much I try to stop it." She could feel her eyes fill up with tears in the tense silence. "Maybe though...no more touching down there? I don't know how to fix it..."

"I suppose that's fair." His voice was softer again. "I can't say I'll be able to avoid talking about the smell, but the next time you want me to touch you below the waist or talk about it you'll have to ask me for it. How does that sound?"

"Thank you..." She wiped away a few stray tears that escaped and distracted herself by trying to dig out the last of her fries.

"Does this mean you still want to play?"

"Yes... but I'm really nervous about it. I always chose my own games...so I knew what to expect."

"Well, since I got your results from the other quiz I've had a few ideas. Maybe I could talk to you about some general things to help put you at ease." He took the empty cardboard sleeve from her hands and started to set out her chicken nuggets and dipping sauces on her stomach. "And while we talk we can do a fun little impromptu thing."

"Mmm, that sounds good. What kind of thing?" She reached out to sauce a nugget but he put a hand on her wrist and held it back.

"Well," he had a mischievous look that made her nervous. "For this you don't get your sauce from there." He set her wrist down to the side and loaded up one of his nuggets with a lot of sauce. She watched as he pulled back and then flinched as some fell on her cheek with a splat.

"Be careful!" she moved to wipe it off with a napkin and again was stopped.

"Unh-uh. You can only wipe your face off with a nug, and you can only sauce a nug from your face." She gave a pout and a whimper as a new spot was added to her forehead.

"I don't like this game..." She turned her head causing some sauce to slide and she panicked collecting it all quickly and eating her first nugget.

"I think it's hilarious. Besides trash is always streaked with sauce remnants, so it's pretty appropriate too." The next drip landed on her nose and he laughed at her dejected look. "I was thinking of taking it out of the classroom. Do you have some free time this weekend?"

"Um, yeah, I think I have some time on Satur-" She had a small coughing fit as a drip fell into her open mouth. He waited until she recovered to continue.

"Well, I was thinking that maybe we could have a gym date. Saturday night it gets pretty empty, could be fun. Plus we can get a little exercise." Her face was focused as she tried to anticipate the next drip. He yielded and she caught it on her cheek, making a new little groove mark with a chicken nugget.

"I'm not super active, but I guess so if you promise to show me how the machines work. I usually just hit the treadmill." She ventured a sip of her drink after the latest drip and he let a second amount drop right in her ear.

"Careful now..." he warned as she grabbed a napkin.

"So not fair." She did her best to at least get some of it out and then frowned trying to decide if she wanted to actually eat it. The next drip ended up distressingly close to her eye and she reached for a new nugget.

"Uh oh! Did someone lose count?" He teased when she realized she only had the one in her hand. "Ladies take small dainty bites you know. Such a shame your mouth is a garbage disposal."

She gave a small whine and took a bite with extra sauce to make it last longer. Surely he was almost done too?

"Do you know the campus gym near the east library? That's the one I go to."

"Mmhmm." She couldn't afford to break her focus too much now. He still seemed to have food despite how her entire face was sticky.

"You'll need to dress in sneakers, sweat pants or yoga pants or similar, sport bra, a loose fitting dark shirt, and a face mask. You can bring your sweatshirt if you want." He made a show of cleaning crumbs off his hands and putting back in their take out bags. She breathes a sigh of relief, got as much sauce as she could on her tiny piece of chicken and ate it.

"Workout clothes, loose shirt, face mask maybe sweatshirt. That all sounds doable." He leaned over and grabbed her empty containers to add to the trash and on his last pass to grab the sauce he used the last piece of a nugget to dig out the remaining sauce directly over her horrified face.

"That expression was priceless. Here..." Before she could react he had pulled out his phone and snapped a picture. He laughed hard and turned the phone over to show her. "Just hilarious right? I might make this my wallpaper. Don't worry, I won't make it my lock screen or anything. Whoa whoa whoa, what are you doing?"

"Looking for napkins! We're both out of food so the game is over!" To her horror he just let out a low chuckle.

"First off, the napkins are sadly all soaked in soda." He shook his cup that gave muffled rattle to demonstrate. "And secondly the rules never stated it ends when we run out of food. Now call me soft hearted, but I suppose I can offer you an alternative so you don't have to walk home like that."

She had her hands pulled over her protectively again, unsure about how the situation was going. "I... would like to clean this off please..."

"Very good. Open." She hesitated at the implication of what was about to happen, but opened wide all the same. She focused on his mischievous grin he wore again that she was quickly learning to be wary of as she felt his finger slowly push the sauce around and eventually into her mouth.

"Good little trash can, keep holding it until you're full." He took his time, often taking detours until her face was covered in small lines mostly unnoticeable lines and her mouth was full of sauce. He bent over and added a line of spit for good measure. "Close. Swish." He watched her cheeks move and puff first on one side then the other. "Swallow." Her face contorted as she took the great effort to swallow it all before opening her mouth to show it. He shoved his sauce covered finger into her mouth and she immediately went to work cleaning it.

"So for Saturday, I think 9:30 would be good does that work for you?"

"Mmhmm." She nodded and he pulled his finger out and wiped it on her sweatshirt. "Yes... I'll be there. Thank you...for today...and for lunch..."

"Maybe we can make this our little after class routine. I have to get to my next class, you can wash your face when you get back to your dorm. She sat up to let him stand up gathering his things. "I'll leave this with you." He said swapping out cups to take the one without the soggy napkins. "See you Saturday for more fun!"

[cherry-berry-candy]

How do we feel about TEoD?

so, overall my feelings are... mixed. some of the problems i had last episode seemed to be confirmed, there were some themes i wasn't expecting (pleasantly surprised), and there were some themes i wasn't expecting (unpleasantly shocked)

soooo time for another cut and a lot of thoughts (including a lot of complaints, be prepared) (also, nyx did a lot of writing for this oops)

TRUMAN SHOW

(i promise this isn't our main gripe lol)

okay, first thing's first, elephant in the room- tv show theory wasn't confirmed. well... not necessarily confirmed, but still very possible. the TARDIS crew not-quite-literally (or was it literally...) watch previous episodes on a television screen, and mrs flood is mrs flood. or, is she? we'll get back to her.

so, we know people have said that this is more than likely not the end of the current story- we should wait to see where the second block of 8 episodes go! usually we'd agree with this, but we take issue with something for this particular theory. we're going to explain why we think this season is worse off without a confirmation for this particular thing- assuming it's accurate.

take mrs flood for a moment, in isolation. she does some odd unexplained things- saying ominous stuff, knowing things you wouldn't expect her to, speaking to and looking to camera, etc. that we don't fully understand her now is fine- there's a bit of mystery to chew on, and it doesn't take away from the enjoyment of the episode, unless we assume that the explanation won't be sufficient.

the tv show theory explains a lot more than this, though. yes it recontextualizes in-universe events, but it also recontextualizes the experience of watching the show itself. the relationship between the doctor and ruby growing so fast, the anachronistic music in Rogue, the musical number in The Devil's Chord, the choice to not show hardly any moments before or after adventures, and more.

before getting an explanation of these things, i feel these things are distracting. this doesn't feel, to us, like the type of thing that should be a long game. obviously, there's plenty more than enough for us to pick up on to give the impression of tv show theory being real. but, for anyone not digging into this, hoping, praying for an explanation for the oddities, like we have been- this is just a series of strange choices.

even for me, someone who is all aboard still- this is a full season of show! maybe "full" is an odd word for it being so short, but there is some intention of a contained arc in these 8 episodes. so, in some sense, it should be taken as its own. and on its own- these choices are unexplained. even if they get explained later, i think this season is forever weaker for it.

Thoughts from TLoRS

(and how they were affected by TEoD)

we made a post following TLoRS with some issues we had, that might be resolved by the end of TEoD. so here's how those panned out, in our eyes

im going to skip over anything that's just "well, tv show theory isn't confirmed yet, so this is still weird! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" to avoid redundancy.

some characters- in particular, rose noble, ibrahim, and carla- didn't do anything this episode. just like they did nothing last episode. so why were they here lol. carla being in this episode being seen getting turned to dust im alright with. but what's the point of the other two? why did carla need to come to UNIT? it seems like the reason rose was here was to bring carla in- especially since she just stands around, even when everyone else is firing at the TARDIS. she only gets one line upon waking up. and i don't think carla contributed nearly enough to TLoRS to justify either of them being around for this story. ibrahim doesn't seem to have a reason, even outside of that. lol.

one could argue that carla was brought to UNIT so mrs flood could have an excuse to be alone with cherry (oh hey. nice name sagkjsjakdg). but like... why did that need to happen? like, okay, mrs flood needed to spout some ominous stuff to camera, but she couldve done that to carla, no? or just done it to cherry with carla just... in the other room? especially with mrs flood's only role in this episode being to ~be mysterious~. a little of our feelings on this is flavored by That One RTD Interview, but... it just feels pointless to do it this way! maybe it'll be clearer later why we needed to have mrs flood be ominous to cherry specifically, specfically without carla around but... idk.

the thing with the radio reading "15:08" and "service not available" before susan's speech (immediately following Carla saying "go and get her!") still don't mean anything, yet. i guess. we saw it flicker a bit more, and see that 24 minutes passed (there were still nearly 36 minutes left in TLoRS when we saw the radio that episode. wonder what's up with that) but otherwise nothing.

the themes around sutekh actually did sell me on him being here! the idea that the doctor has been bringing death wherever he goes is a great one to explore this way! the reveal is still the reveal, but i was happy with the them explored here, and ill get more into that later down the road in the next section

FINALLY, THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE ITSELF

(still ft. some broader season thoughts, but more focused on this specific episode)

can we stop writing kate to be just. fully stupid. please. im tired of her just firing at gods like it's going to do something. im fine with her being morally funky because UNIT but oh my god.

the "there will be birds" line is cringe and out of nowhere and lame. LMAO like. i don't think i could put it in any way that's smart. it's jarring for her to say such a flowery line before she dies and it's odd and it's cringe and it's lame

satisfying susan (triad) explanation. neat

god we love 15. "ruby roo"? "melanie b"? absolutely lovely

the doctor closing the door behind him on all the death he's caused? mwah. chef's kiss

not going to think about the DNA data existing in 2046. it doesn't matter. not thinking about it

"i traveled to all those worlds. i thought it was fun." what a great parallel to the archeologist from Pyramid of Mars that the narrative once defended. someone smarter than me could say more, but im too busy complaining. oops

didn't watch the tales of the tardis, but from the outfits it seems like they slotted it chronologically in the middle of this episode. neat!

"cultural appropriation" is a response that tickles me, and is also appreciated. glad the acknowledgement is made. that said, i saw some people still taking issue with the portrayal here so... maybe that growth isn't all the way done yet.

the doctor not acknowledging that the 4th doctor was him is so interesting. it also recontextualizes him calling 14 rose's uncle a bit- he really is trying to separate from who he used to be. maybe this also adds to him still not visiting susan. this also plays into the theory that he was straight up lying about having healed from 14's experiences- this too could have been him trying to separate!

if you can't tell, im saying all this as i rewatch the episode. not much to comment on where we're at, so a good time to bring up- the effects struggled in this episode, just a bit. the greenscreening of the og tardis in the time window was a little rough, and the makeup is (imo) noticeably worse. or rather, noticably noticable. maybe it just shined in the lighting of TLoRS? it was odd.

feel like "silence can reign" instead of quoting "silence can fall" is a potential missed opportunity? this one doesn't matter really, i think i'm just surprised

also i was reaaaally think this was going to be a "ruby is a devilspawn" moment, it almost feels like it was teased? idk, maybe i just was theorybrained. lol

oh okay. the tardis just has a laser beam in it. alright. sure i guess

this face is so fucking funny to me LMAO

okay i actually don't really. understand what's happening in the vortex here. like what is the cause and effect. idc that it's supernatural i just don't understand what the supernatural thing is. maybe that's a me problem.

the corniness of them all silently stepping outside... okay

okay other people brought it up before but. what about all the identical-looking susans across the modern day 😭like are they just gonna live their lives and no one's gonna think about it?

wait how did they. how did they get the data on ruby's mother. why didn't they just do whatever that process was before.

just some girl! okay, sure! i like the idea that she wasn't actually special, there were just weird circumstances that caused everything-

"we invest things with significance" awww that's kinda sweet actually :)

...

okay but hold on. what was the snow all about though. why could ruby create snow around her. and why did the memory keep changing. and what made the 66.7 meters relevant to her mother and to 73 Yards. and also...

this season has done a lot with myths and stories and such, but usually there's something... more to it. as there has been in other episodes like this in previous eras, too! in space babies, the spaceship creates something from stories. in 73 Yards, the mythology of fairy rings is implied to be based on a true story, in some sense. but here, a story just... became fantastical. for no reason other than being a story. and only specifically for ruby sunday. half the story or not, this is incredibly unsatisfying for a finale, lol

the pointing thing is. lame. the pointing doesn't make more sense in hindsight. it makes less. who the hell dramatically turns around and points at a sign to unofficially name their child. 😭

i really like the doctor projecting his issues onto ruby. like i don't because don't traumatize her just because you've dealt with it LOL but i do like it because Character Flaw

HEY WHY DOES THE DOCTOR LOOK INTO CAMERA HERE.

wow, the doctor... basically kicks ruby out of the tardis. dude you suck so much ass 😭

"my real mum" your WHAT? what do you mean your "real mum" who the hell has been raising you this whole time? russell. russellllll. come on dude 😭

kinda weird ruby never mentioning the possibility of having a dad just... went away here. is that intentional? idk. i don't really get why or how it would be, so i guess it's just retroactively weird that she never wondered about her dad until now.

hi mrs flood! who are you!! people are pointing to missy vibes (the umbrella!), the outfit similarity to romana at... one point? i don't know classic who aslkgaklgd there are a couple other characters people have pointed out, as well as the "clever boy" reference. kind of reminds me of rogue being a seeming amalgamation of some other characters, like river, jack harkness, and the master. hmmmm

well! there it all is! our disorganized thoughts. too tired to make a conclusion though LOL so im just. putting this all out there lmao

[tameila]

Hi! I absolutly loved The Sun Always Rises! It's one of my favorite fanfics, and since you incorporate a lot of the Campaign 1 into the lore, I was wondering what the TSAR' Verse verion of Pike's resurrection would be?

Thank you so much!

To tackle this idea, I think it's best to break down what Pike's resurrection was and, more importantly, how it informed her character and actions going forward.

Let's start with the death -- It was the kind of death that was uniquely traumatic and gruesome for all parties, herself and her friends who watched it happened. Like, having to watch someone you love die changes you regardless of whether it was bloodless or not but, when that death is from them being cut in half...That's just a different level, y'know.

Add on a layer of helplessness and desperation to the party, because none of them were capable of revivifying Pike on her their own; they needed outside help.

Then, you have the ritual -- two of its components coming from Scanlan himself, the doll and a kiss upon her brow.

In a superficial sense, the trauma of her death and resurrection is what changed the color of her hair.

On a deeper level, this event pushed Pike to leave the party, join a sailing crew, and come back stronger -- strong enough to pick up heavy armor.

Meanwhile, within the party, I've always seen Scanlan's protectiveness throughout the campaign as a direct result of Pike's death and resurrection as well. Like, to the point that he's consistently uncomfortable and insistent that she dress up when it's stated in a scene that she took off her armor. Which can be read as him not liking her "flaunting", so to be speak (and this thought is echoed by the party at least once with them telling Scanlan/Sam that Pike would still be wearing her padding not be just naked without her armor), sure, but his energy always read far more neurotic to me. y'know, like, he worried about her being unprotected and vulnerable.

Now, let's put all these thoughts into TSAR 'verse...

My first instinct is to say it's already there! You watch Pike's death and resurrection in real time in TSAR. that's the whole story. You watch her hit rock bottom, a major depressive episode and ego death. Her friends are helpless to stop it. In the aftermath, she takes temporary leave from her position as Head Cleric at the temple and even isolates from her family and friends so she can meditate on what it all means (though this time frame is only briefly summarize in chapter 14 and not fully explored in prose). On Scanlan's side, you see him grow a new awareness of Pike and what she needs from him, and you watch him go through stages with it. Her "resurrection" is greatly aided by Scanlan's presence. In the end, she comes back stronger and surer.

My second instinct is to say it's already there...in bits n pieces! The mentions of Pike's gap year after high school. Wilhand's accident, Pike's desperation at the time, and how she had to shift her whole world view in the aftermath.

My third instinct, of course, is to acknowledge that neither of those are the answer that you came to hear lol! So, to really answer your question, if I were to explore the full weight of Pike's resurrection in TSAR 'verse, I would explore it as divergent AU of TSAR 'verse canon.

The divergence would be that it's Pike that suffers a traumatic accident instead of Wilhand.

and here's a collection of thoughts:

In this divergence, Pike's gap year would instead be interpreted as her deciding to fully complete her undergraduate abroad in some vaguely European country. She chose the university because the connected city has one of the oldest temples to Sarenrae.

The twins and Percy would also be at this university. Keyleth would still be back in Westruun, Grog still an up-and-coming MMA fighter, and Scanlan still his popstar self.

The accident would happen during the winter break of her final year. Keyleth and Grog have come to visit. Both of them had been saying and promising that they would since Pike started at this university so, since it's her final year, it's now or never! Pike's supposed to fly back to Westruun with them for Winter's Crest at the end of their trip. Pike introduces them to the twins and Percy. They spend a week European trottin'.

A surprise comes in the form of Scanlan, fresh off his final show of the year, joining them for the last few days. This is Pike and Scanlan's second first meeting, aka the first time they've seen in each other in person since Scanlan's career took off and since Pike's been in her transformative abroad era. (In actual TSAR 'verse canon, this second first meeting was a Grog's first big title match., which was the first time they'd seen each other since Scanlan's career took off and since Pike's gap year. It's one of those moments that's so cemented in the canon for me, but I can't remember if I've ever put out a piece that conveyed that to the readers lol)

It would be during one of those final days of the trip that The Accident™️ happened. I think, in the same way that I never specify what happened to Wilhand, I would never specifically state what happened to Pike. In her POV, it would always just be The Accident, and the others would never want to talk about it in detail either. However, it would be clear that it was nearly fatal, that she was legally dead for a brief time, and it changed everything.

She would remember Scanlan at her bedside and the warm press of lips against her forehead as her first clear memories of "coming back to life".

In the aftermath, she would take leave from school and drop contact with everyone for a time. Eventually, she would quietly return to Westruun and finish her final credits at the university there.

Quietly, the others would bleed back into her life too.

Instead of focusing on her a few years into her time as Head Cleric, the timeline of TSAR would then be about her in the first few months of that promotion instead.

Scanlan coming to town and the gang being all together again during this very momentous time in Pike's life is what brings up all the old feelings connected to The Accident.

Other domino pieces from this AU would include Scanlan's drug spiral, which was already about trauma from his mother's death and how he never fully coped with that, also having traces of trauma from Pike's accident mixed into it. Adding another layer to the situationship that him and Pike had going on during that time and the letter that Pike would write to him. Also, in TSAR 'verse, Scanlan's reasoning for coming to Westruun is an inherently selfish one. I think in this divergence his reasons for coming would be a bit more mindful and specifically for the need to support Pike.

and my mind is zipping all around and I could go on about all the little changes, but I have been writing along for, like, two hours now and my room has gotten dark around me 😂

Thanks again for your kind words, and I hope that this lil divergent AU satisfies those Pike resurrection angst needs! ☀️💜💛

[edoro]

What do you think of "Watching and Dreaming"?

oooh thank you for asking! took me a bit to get to it but today i am MEDICATED and MOSTLY FINISHED WITH CLEANING so let's see what i can shake out of the ol' brainpan

gonna put this under a cut because it's probably going to get long, but overall: i liked it! i think it wrapped everything up pretty well, did not leave any major plot points unaddressed, and i found the timeskip epilogue to be sweet and hopeful but not saccharine or cloying.

in more detail:

seeing the three episodes we got for season 3 makes me wish so badly that we'd gotten the full run of the show that the crew wanted. i've seen word from the last post-hoot that they found out the show was canceled right before the mid-s2 hiatus, which tracks with the overall pacing and direction of the back half of s2, and it's just a tragedy. i think they did a really good job with what they had, considering the insanely compressed runtime they were given to work with.

i'm a little disappointed that the other kids didn't get more screentime in the final episode. it makes sense but i wish we had gotten more of them and their interactions with each other outside of Luz - and their interactions with Camila, too.

i honestly really loved the whole thing with the Collector. i know a lot of people don't for various reasons, but, Shrug Emoji. some of the criticisms of his whole arc really don't make sense to me - i feel like the people who are mad that they did turn out to be a misguided kid who didn't understand the gravity of what they were doing or how it affected others for various reasons (such as: being a child, having been isolated for centuries with only Philip for company, being immortal and having incredible reality-warping powers) and changed their tune when it was explained to them just, uh... were not really paying attention? lmao?

like it was pretty obvious from his first appearance that he was a child or at least very childlike, and we can easily infer from those scenes that he's been held captive and manipulated by Philip under the guise of friendship and 'letting him free to play', so everything else follows pretty naturally from that.

i liked how it was Luz, with her own childhood experience of death and grief, who recognized what was going on here and sought to explain it to them. she's always been an empathetic person who tries to see the best in others and give them the benefit of the doubt. sometimes, like with Philip, this comes back to bite her, but most of the time it's good and helpful.

i really like how we had someone just outright tell her "lmao no" to her whole "but am i JUST AS BAD as Philip???" thing. like honey, no, you have made some clumsy mistakes while meaning well, and the thing you're the most guilty about is literally just 'helping a guy who manipulated and lied to you without realizing he was manipulating and lying to you', which is not even your fault, because HE LIED TO YOU. Philip has spent centuries carefully engineering his way into being able to commit genocide. these two things are not the same.

speaking of Philip: i also know a lot of people have been upset with his ending. honestly, i'm not! i think that it tracks very well with the kind of person he's always been - a stubborn, manipulative liar who sees himself as a victim and blames everyone else around him for the tragedies that he's experienced, many of which he's directly personally caused, and who has been given chance after chance to change his mind, change his behavior, change his beliefs, and simply refuses to.

like... some people are just assholes! i don't think that the fact that he ended up lying, manipulating, treating humans as supreme, and trying to commit witch genocide to the very bitter end means that he was like, Born Evil, i think it means that he was once a sweet kid who loved his brother who grew into a cruel, hateful, manipulative man who only saw certain people as Fully Persons and therefore deserving of existence, and felt like he had the authority to decide who is or is not a person.

and honestly like... The Owl House is a children's cartoon. it's rated Y7. it is for children and part of its purpose IS to teach children things, and i actually think that "sometimes, people will hurt you, and they'll lie and say they're doing it for your own good or for the greater good, or they'll have a sympathetic reason for doing it, but that doesn't actually matter because they keep hurting you and you do not owe them infinite chances to keep doing that" is a really good lesson to teach children.

Philip's story is a tragedy and the tragedy is that he easily COULD have done literally any other thing, but he refused to. he had chances! he refused to take them! he had centuries to go, "wait, am i the baddie?" and he did not. he murdered Caleb himself and then blamed witches for that. instead of treating the grimwalkers like family, he treated them like disposable toys to take his anger at Caleb out on. he lied, manipulated, killed, stole, and hurt countless people because he felt like they deserved it because of his own unhappiness.

some people are like this! it happens! i have met them and personally been harmed by them in ways that are going to impact me for the rest of my life and have, if not exactly ruined my life, made it a hell of a lot harder than it would have been otherwise.

so for me, seeing that the ultimate resolution of Philip's story is that he refused to change, he refused to admit any fault, he kept lying and manipulating and trying to hurt people, and eventually everyone he tried to hurt and lie to turned on him and got rid of him so he couldn't keep hurting them is very satisfying.

The Owl House is a show about how people have the capability to change, but the flip side of that is that it means they have to choose to do so, and some people won't. so what do you do then? what happens when someone is hateful, cruel, and dangerous, and won't stop trying to exterminate an entire race of people because he blames them for his own self-inflicted problems? what do you owe someone like that? how many chances should you give them? how often should you let them have the opportunity to hurt you or others again?

i think the fact that he went out so pathetically is also very fitting. to the very end he wouldn't own up to anything. he just kept trying to lie and manipulate. and like many people who act this way, when his manipulation didn't work, he dropped the mask and got mad.

so yeah! i liked that aspect of it, and i feel like a lot of the criticisms are honestly just... expecting Philip to have played a very different role in the story than imo he was set up to play. he was the contrast to people like Alador or Hunter or Amity or the Collector. he was the example of what happens when someone REFUSES to change and uses any chance you give them as a foothold to do more damage. so the ending where it's just, "sometimes you have to do what you can to protect yourself from people like that" is imo quite narratively cohesive, and i think that it also fits into the overall theme of "your character is determined by your actions." Philip COULD HAVE ended differently, but he didn't, because of his own actions.

let's see... i feel very (seesawing hand motion) about the scene with Luz and Papa Titan. overall i think i like it.

i like the idea that Luz found everything through her own ingenuity and Philip didn't because he didn't treat the Isles as worth studying!

but that being said, i think there's something quite powerful about the idea of the land itself as a being with some limited level of agency, able to open itself and its resources up to someone who approaches it with respect and able to reject someone who comes in to rapaciously plunder it in order to kill those who live on it, ESPECIALLY given the fact that Philip is, literally, a white Puritan.

like that's definitely also a very meaningful narrative to me!

i don't really talk about this a whole lot here, for various reasons, but half of my family is native (Osage, specifically.) i'm not connected to that side of my family or that aspect of my own heritage for Complicated Reasons including abuse and the ongoing effects of white supremacy and colonial violence causing those members of my family themselves to be disconnected from their heritage in a way that meant that i was, basically, raised as a white person who is visually Ethnically Ambiguous depending on how familiar the people looking at me are with what mixed native people look like.

however, as someone who has perhaps a more personal connection than some others in the fandom might to the idea of "white man from a colonizer culture comes into a land foreign to him, views them all as backwards evil savages who must be purged for the safety of the good white Christians, proceeds to plunder and misuse their resources for his own gains, destroys their connection to their own history and culture and installs himself as a figurehead leading them into death" as like, a narrative, i don't think that the idea that the Titan was watching what happened and subtly nudging or influencing events to the degree that he was able to (which was ultimately a very, very small one) is like... meaningless.

and i don't think that what he said to Luz negates any of the messaging of the series. he didn't say, "you were special All Along, so you deserve my powers." he said, "you're the one who's here right now, and you seem good enough."

like... she proved herself, by her actions, to be an open and caring person who wants to do good, and specifically cares deeply for the Isles and the people on them, to the point where she is willing to sacrifice herself for them. and she's the one who is here, right now, in this moment. and she is not a perfect person, but she's Good Enough.

i actually really like that! she's here and she's good enough. she's the one in a position to do something about it and she seems okay. i don't think that it does retroactively make her into a "chosen one", because she didn't get it through her birthright or anything, she was given it because she ended up there (because she sacrificed herself to save the Collector) and she had previously shown herself to be someone the Titan thought would use it well.

so i liked that! i think that, like with "you actually do not have to keep giving someone chances to hurt you when they are a shitty liar, even if they're also sad", "you're here and you're good enough" is a pretty good lesson!

what else, what else... loved the whole bit with Philip possessing Raine and them fighting him off. loved the sequence of the two of them duking it out in the throne room and the fact that Philip just BIT them - little brother behavior for sure. Raine is a stone-cold fucking badass.

one little detail i liked a lot is the bit where they're stuck in the goop in the throne room basically waiting to die, and Eda comes in - i specifically really love how the crew got the look of soft, fuzzy, unfocused confusion in their eyes because they don't have their glasses and can't see. there's a particular way that people who need glasses to see often look when they don't have them, and they got it really well, and i just really liked that detail!

the final fight was indeed Cool As Fuck. i love how anime TOH is.

i liked the epilogue! it was very sweet. i like that it showed how people grew and changed and repaired the Isles, while not completely erasing the damage that was done. i also think it did a good job of wrapping stuff up while still leaving a lot open - it did not, imo, fall into the "jobs and babies forever" trap of something like, say, the Harry Potter epilogue, but it showed us how things went and gave us a lot of room to imagine where they'll go from there.

also love everyone's new designs. Good For All Of Them. Amity got so fucking gay and Gus is so HANDSOME now!

also of course i was ecstatic over the Huntlow lmao - i can't believe i used to dislike it! i love how often she just kind of casually and fondly manhandles him. my friend Sharo said something to the effect of, "i like how the scene where they're sliding and he stumbles and she catches him shows that it's been so long since he had to do child soldier shit that his hot jock gf is now way stronger and more athletic and nimble than him" and i haven't been normal about it since! he's SOFT now!!

so, overall, i feel positively about it! there are a lot of small threads that got dropped, no doubt due to the series being canceled, but i think they wrapped everything up well, and i feel like everything that happened actually was pretty thematically on point. i am satisfied with it! i wish we'd gotten more, but i enjoy what we did get.