#Shan's types of mutuals

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

lilac for the star ask game 🦖

Lilac: you are invited to my dinosaur birthday party.

Genuinely touched by the fact you all want to invite me to a dinosaur party TwT TwT Metty I adore youuuuuuuuu

[madwomansapologist]

──────〃✰ kinktober 2024 ୨ৎ

welcome to my first kinktober!

bellow you'll find prompts i've come up with + one that was commented on a post i made about this very same subject. feel free to send any asks/leave replies with more suggestions. the goal is a porn fic per day in october, so suggestions are welcomed!

i'm comfortable reading any sort of request (except teacher/student related) and will write for those fandoms. dates may change as the prompts are finished.

if you want to be tagged, tell me! i update this post everytime i finish one of the prompts with some details.

DAY 1 somnophilia ✰ kento nanami

title : sweet dreams synopsis : watching the man you love deny himself of his needs, you take matters into your own hands. or lips, to be more precise. cw : gn!reader, established relationship, somnophilia, oral(m!receiving), overstimulation, nipple stimulation, body worship, hair pulling, choking (gn!receiving).

DAY 2 incest ✰ karlach

title: a small favor synopsis: a movie night turned into you being used by your older sister. if only she had warned you before. [1.4K] cw: t!karlach, incest, lil sis/big sis, dub con, dry humping, spit, premature ejaculation.

DAY 3 monster fucking ✰ multiple monsters

title : haunted house cw: monster fucking, gangbang, dub/con, cock/pussy drunk.

DAY 4 sex poker ✰ sir crocodile

title : sex poker cw: sex poker, hate sex, knife play, dry humping, public sex.

DAY 5 shower sex ✰ nobara kugisake

title : let it sink in cw: shower sex, body worship,thigh riding.

DAY 6 overstimulation ✰ nico robin

title : fake it cw: mutual masturbation, orgasm denial.

DAY 7 cockwarming ✰ marcille donato x falin touden

title : animal attraction cw: monster fucking, cockwarming, size kink, sloopy sex.

DAY 8 praise kink ✰ kagaya ubuyashiki

title : pretty boy cw: praise kink, blowjob, public sex, dumbification.

DAY 9 corruption kink ✰ shan yu

title : training session cw: praise kink, blowjob.

DAY 10 exhibitionism kink ✰ ryomen sukuna

title : mined cw: exhibitionism, jealous sex, gore.

DAY 11 bondage ✰ dark justiciar shadowheart

title: sing your prayers synopsis: to worship lady shar, one must be perfect. shadowheart will guide you, make you the best you can ever be. don't matter the cost, her teachings shall find a way into your very soul. cw: fem!reader, bard!tav, domme!shadowheart, power imbalance, memory loss, bondage, humilliation kink, temperature play, gaslighting, dacryphilia, religious imagery, Shar vs Selune.

DAY 12 gangbang ✰ east blue crew

title : guess cw: gangbang, blindfolds, creampie, dumbification.

DAY 13 face sitting ✰ laios touden

title : lips sealed cw: face sitting, overstimulation, free use.

DAY 14 sex pollen ✰ kyojuro rengoku

title : milk me cw: sex pollen, pussy drunk, forced orgams.

DAY 15 dumbification ✰ yuki tsukumo

title : what's your type cw: public sex.

DAY 16 threesome ✰ yor forger x reader x loid forger

title : co-parenting 101 cw: threesome, overstimulation.

DAY 17 worship kink ✰ tatsu

title : dragon's fire cw: worship kink, fear play.

taglist: @ffinosie @lovelyy-moonlight @alzaira @s2-angells @eyes-ofhell @inlovewithmariah @chiiyohiimee @shaquilles-0atmeal @bloodyziggy

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

[heymeowmao]

2024.05.28 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325039099747893642

[WB has AI highlights now?]

bgm: 未完待续 (To Be Continued) (Honor of Kings - Story of Hai Nuo and Doria) by Liu Yuning x Shan Yichun

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening! Welcome!

C: If I had known you were going to stream I would have prepared some snacks. LYN: I think you’re just a foodie. You still have time to order takeout now. Order something. C: Will you reimburse? LYN: I started streaming, to keep you company, and I still have to treat you to snacks (duck: neck, tongue, intestines)?? What about some soybean skin and fish tofu, while we’re at it? I can’t believe snacks were part of my job, too. This customer service… you really know how to chase stars. LYN: I think you should ask for these funds from wb, not from me. Because you’re currently using wb’s software, so see if you can contact them and if they’ll reimburse you for your snacks.

C: I was halfway through a game of HoK and then came here. LYN: You play your game. Finish the round, before you get reported by the other players for going AFK. It’s not worth it.

LYN: I know it’s Tuesday and pretty sudden- I’m sure none of you thought I would stream today, because I didn’t even know myself. Isn’t that mysterious? I didn’t even think I would stream today. I was filming and then the director told us that we would not be filming the night scenes that were scheduled for later in the day. What does that mean? It means the crew made itself a villain and dumped the night scenes. We’re pushing them back to a later time. It rained in Hengdian last night and we weren’t able to complete yesterday’s scenes, either. Since I’ve been filming nonstop lately and spent a lot of sleepless nights, they wanted me to be able to get a good rest tonight. They were thinking if they let me go early I could eat a nice meal and have a good night’s sleep. Little did they know… I am not resting, and have even come to stream. If they find out that I’m streaming right now, they’re going to think I’m unprofessional. LYN: They gave me a break so that I could get a good sleep and maintain my condition so that tomorrow I could pick up with the grueling- I mean- continue working hard. But I picked up a different job instead. C: Chatting with us IS resting. LYN: Of course. It’s not “resting” but it definitely is “relaxing”. To me, streaming is relaxing. Because I always used to just banter with with my fans. We would mutually roast each other. But now as time has passed and we’ve spent more time in this industry, and- how should I put this…?- experienced the worst of this industry, I’ve finally learned how to control myself just a bit. When we used to roast each other- I say that, but we’re all just joking- I thought it was a fun way to communicate. But now, I don’t dare to be as relaxed as I used to.

bgm: 唯一的回答 (No Matter) - Men in Love OST

LYN: I didn’t think I would be streaming today, but I was released from work early and I don’t know the next time that will ever happen again. The month is almost over- it’s about time for me to stream. C: I was thinking you weren’t going to stream this month. LYN: Me too. I didn’t know this would happen, either. But now that I have the chance, I just want to be able to keep myself busy. Cheers~

C: Chat about KSTLB. LYN: I will. I’ll defnitely talk about the things you want to know. You know that I don’t make any preparations or have any sort of agenda for my streams. Sometimes my colleagues will ask me, “Ning-ge, usually when you stream do you make any preparations or anything?” and I tell them I don’t. A lot of the times what I say is based on whatever you’re typing into the chat. I told them that the joy of streaming is the mutual communication and participation. We can discuss things in real time. If you prepare things in advance and just come here planning to perform, then your stream would not necessarily even be as entertaining as watching a variety show instead. Variety shows have editing; MVs and stage performances require a lot of preparations. Of course a livestream wouldn’t be as entertaining as that. LYN: That’s why, when I stream it’s more loosely flowing. I see what you’re saying in the chat, so that’s what I talk to you about. Of course, that also means I suffer some losses. But it’s okay. I am constantly learning about how to stream, even though I’ve been doing it for about 10 years now. I started in 2014 and now it’s 2024. I’ve been streaming for ten years now and I’m still learning. Truly embodying that saying, “Live until you’re old and learn until you’re old.” You still have to learn. So, I am always learning how to stream. 

LYN: Someone said LYX-laoshi is watching my stream? He’s probably busy and doesn’t have much time to actually WATCH my streams like you do. I’m guessing he scrolled across a clip and thought I was pretty insane- since I’m just spewing nonsense most of the time- and thought I was interesting. It’s nice to be able to have some colleagues in this industry also watch my stream, and I’m happy and honored to be to their liking.

C: I want to see your eyes. LYN: Friends, it’s like this- yesterday I went to get my double eyelids done. My eyes haven’t recovered enough, so I’m wearing these shades to stream. Please don’t mind it, okay? I’ll show you when they’re done healing. People always say that my eyes are small, so I went to get eyelid surgery yesterday.

[t/n: he has the li shiliu eye makeup onnn] C: I don’t mind. I want to see them today. LYN: Oh, how high and mighty! “I don’t mind”?? I don’t care if you do. What can you even do if you DO mind?? “I don’t mind. I want to see them today.” There are a lot of things that you want to see (but never will). First of all, you’re being a little demanding, forcing people to do your bidding. Secondly, if I take off my shades, all you’re going to see id blood and scarring! The blade yesrerday went a little rough, so my eyes are bloody. I’ll scare you to death! C: Which shop’s skills are so lacking? LYN: LOL. Are you going to go report them for me?? Why would you even ask? It’s like this- since I sort of count as a public figure, I can’t just go to the big names and get surgery, because what if someone sees me there and exposes me? They’ll say “LYN went to get cosmetic surgery. He realized his visuals are lacking so he went to get work done.” If that gets exposed it’d be really shameful. So I found a small shop and had the work done. I should still have found a more reputable place…

C: Ning-ge! Have a drink. After you do, your streaming condition will be even better! LYN: … LYN: You think too much. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re thinking. All the little thoughts in your head- do you think I don’t understand them? You saw me have a glass of champagne at the Pomellato event and flush all the way down to my neck. You want to make me drunk, then make me cry. Let go of all my sins. (song lyrics) You want to make me drunk, so that I’m more open and a little bit more deranged? LYN: ! It could be this, too: last time I went to the event, as I was walking I undid a button. Maybe you thought I would lose my caution. “So, it turns out that after Ning-ge drinks, he starts undoing buttons!” That’s why you wanted me to drink a glass, so that I would start undoing buttons. But whether I drink or not, I still can’t undo my buttons!! LYN: What the heck?! /took off the shades/ Drinking- I- LYN: I undid the button because of the clothes- it was a little tight. It’s summer and even though there was air conditioning, after making myself busy and a glass of wine, I got hot. After the event ended I undid a button to save myself from being uncomfortable. I know what you’re thinking! You think I don’t understand??

C: Where’s the blood (about his eyes)? LYN: It’s bleeding isn’t it. Look at all the blood. /touches the makeup/ C: They didn’t do a good job with it. I can’t see a difference. LYN: /laughs/ First, I already told you, it was a small shop with average skills. Secondly, as an artist- maybe I didn’t know before, but now that I’m in this industry I can share some secrets- if you want to get any work done as an artist, it has to be subtle. If you go too big, you’re just asking to be ridiculed online. Even IF I were to get double eyelid surgery, I wouldn’t do the whole thing in one sitting. I’d do it 4-5 times, just a few mm each time. That way there’s a slow change and you can’t really tell. That’s an industry rule. Subtle change.  - C: Didn’t you get double eyelid surgery? I can’t really tell. Did you really do it? LYN: I was talking about my bellybutton*, not my eyelids. [肚脐眼 - “eye’ of the belly] LYN: Just listen for entertainment!! I can’t believe you’re actually considering it. I can’t stand you.

C: Ning-ge, your accent’s a little heavy. LYN: My accent is heavy…? You must not have seen me in too long. It’s my fault, for not streaming. I CAN speak Standard Mandarin, though. LYN: It’s been a long time since I’ve streamed, and usually when I do I use my hometown dialect to make it a more relaxed setting. Maybe the most you’ve seen of me these days is clips from my dramas, and that’s why you think my accent is heavier?

----- Drama - SJYM

C: How did your cameo in SJYM go? LYN: My cameo went fine. Remember- I went to cameo for them. And I also discussed with the producers- “I’ll come to cameo for you, and I don’t particularly care about the name ranking. Just put me at the end, and credit me as, “Supporting actor who shows his face a lot.”” I’m only here to cameo. Friends- in SJYM, I’m really only there to help (in the bg). As long as they credit me as “cameo actor who shows his face a lot: liu yuning” it’s enough for me.

C: Your hoodie is so big! LYN: This isn’t a hoodie, it’s a hat. (song lyrics) Hello, I have a hoodie. (你好, 我有一个帽衫)

C: Was the SJYM armor heavy? LYN: No? It was okay. It was armor, yes, but it wasn’t very heavy. It was hot, though. The weather actually wasn’t that hot yet, but every time they put it on me I would start sweating buckets. It was okay, though. I was thinking, and even asked my staff, “What dramas was I shooting summer of last year??” But thinking back in past years I was shooting the modern dramas in the summer. So in the past two years this is the most recent guzhuang that I’ve shot in the summer at Hengdian. Last year I was shooting um… /can’t remember/. In any case I was never shooting a guzhuang at the hottest time of the year. Cicada Girls and BYOL. This year the heat’s getting to me.

C: Speak English. LYN: How do I know how to speak English?? My English is really bad. 

C: Ning-ge, the sound of the music is too loud. LYN: Oh. Excuse me. I’ll turn it down. // I’ll turn the sound of the mic up and come to a nice equilibrium. 

C: You won’t die in SJYM, will you? LYN: Undetermined. We’ll see how well I get along with the crew as time goes on. If we don’t get along, they’ll make me die. If we do get along, they’ll spare my measly life. C: You can never act as a living person. LYN: Yeah, I’m about ready to start acting in ghost movies. I’ll start acting in horror movies. Out of all the guzhuang dramas I’ve done, for the most part I’ve died in all of them. But of course, it’s because I was acting in supporting roles a lot more before. Who cares if a side character dies? I didn’t feel down about it, because I figured that since I was a support character it didn’t matter too much if I died or not as long as it didn’t delay the main storyline. But then one day I came to act as the main lead- and I still died. Maybe that’s just my fate. 😬

C: Will Li Shiliu take off his mask? LYN: Don’t ask. I haven’t dared to eat much lately. I can’t even eat. I don’t dare to eat any sweets. I’m afraid that I’d get fat. My meal control for this drama has been crazy. In a day, at most I eat two meals and at the least one. What happens if I get hungry? I’ll eat a spring onion with sauce. Maybe some tofu skin or sliced peppers. I don’t dare to gain weight. Why? When I first accepted this drama, I knew that this character would be wearing a mask and I was terrified. Because for anyone who wears a mask, there will definitely be a close-up shot of that mask coming off. LYN: Friends- /sigh/ You get it, right? As long as you wear a mask- it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman, old or young, there will be a shot of that mask coming off. We were shooting and one day I came to the realization, “Are we finally shooting the unmasking scene?” The crew confirmed that yes, the mask would be coming off in the next few scenes. Oh no. Here comes the pressure. I immediately went to my car and grabbed the guasha to scrape my face. I needed to get this blood point in the back, to reduce swelling. I gulped half a cup of coffee. Then I called the makeup artist over and asked them to please touch-up the eye makeup, cover my wrinkles, and draw a slightly longer eyeline so my eyes look bigger. I was flustered. LYN: But to my understanding of this drama, this will not be the only scene where I take off the mask. /sigh/ It’s coming for my life. 

LYN: I only went to “cameo” and I’m already being cursed to death. I don’t think it’s worth it. I’m only cameoing in SJYM, and people are so up in arms about it, but I don’t think it’s worth it to be.

C: Will SJYM be real-time sound? LYN: It should be, but we’ll probably also do a little voiceover after editing. A lot of dramas nowadays cannot accomplish a 100% real-time sound, because the filming conditions are limited. It’s not a closed set, available to just your own people. Sometimes you’ll be recording in one room and there’ll be construction in the next room over. Not actual construction, but because lots of different dramas use the same set, so each crew needs to move and set things how they’re going to use it. It can never be 100% real sound- we use what we can then make up for what we can’t in post. That’s the first thing. Real-time sound has strict requirements for set conditions. Having about 80-90% is already very amazing. For the rest of it, we’ll go into the studio in post to make up for it. Even after all the scenes are shot, there’s still editing, and then there’s going through the censors. After the censors, we receive the drama back with what should be changed. Eventually there are going to be parts that need to be done over in the studio. 

C: Has Daimi acted? LYN: I haven’t and I won’t let her. Not to say that as her acting manager, I am limiting her development. For this artist, I help out as much as I can. For example when I was on KSTLB, I put her pictures up on my wall as a chance for exposure. But I won’t let her act. Because it’s actually really hard for a small dog on a drama set. I won’t let her suffer through that. I’m being serious. It’s really tough for a small dog on set. 

----- KSTLB

C: Ning-ge, why do you have a secret identity in every episode of KSTLB? LYN: You’re right. How many eps have aired, now? Four? I was detective/x for 3 and murderer for 1. “X” for three times in a row- I was truly dumbfounded. You know the feeling- knowing who the murderer is, right from the start? In any case, my game experience the first three episodes sucked. But I was happy! As I said, it’s a sweet burden. A TMD burden. Sweet (tian mi de - 甜蜜的). [t/n: you sure you don’t mean Damned (ta ma de - 他妈的)??? XD]

LYN: I think the show arranged for me to be detective in the first three eps because- I functioned as a way to set an example of how to play the game. They arranged for me and the old players to be detectives, because since there are new players, they wanted us to show the process. It shows the trust they had in me. At least that’s what I think. They wanted me to be able to show the process, because we (LYN/ ZKY/BY) had been in the first season, so we had more experience. Later the new players are the detectives. It’s their problem. Maybe I’m a bit more reliable? That’s what /I/ think. It’s what I tell myself when I’m lying on my bed thinking complicated thoughts- to comfort myself. 

LYN: There were a couple episodes where I wasn’t in the best condition, too. You can tell which they are by how little I talk in them. If I went to record when I was tired, my brain didn’t have enough time to process. Sometimes I had off days.

LYN: A lot of people like to take the scene where I am scared out of my wits to make fun of me. Some of you might be thinking, “Ning-ge, you’re so tall. Why are you so afraid when the lights go out? Is it worth it?? What’s wrong with you, a 30+ year old man??!” “You’re almost 40, how can you be so afraid of the dark??” It’s like this, friends- there’s a problem with my eyes. First of all, they’re small. That means that my ability to absorb light is a bit weaker than the average person. I also have astigmatism. My eyes are bad- I have astigmatism. Secondly, I can’t see very well at night. It makes me dizzy. When the lights go out I really can’t see anything at all. Some people have the ability to absorb light better, and at least they can make out the barest outlines of things. But I can’t see ANYTHING when the lights go out. It’s KNOWING that your eyes are open but not being able to see- the uncertainty of it that terrifies me. Also, I need to be grabbing something before I feel safe. I’m terrified of someone suddenly popping up and touching me. I’d lose my soul. My soul would just leave my body and disperse. That’s what terrifies me the most. LYN: I’m not afraid of ghosts- I know that there isn’t anything scare in this program. I’m just afraid of the jump-scare. For example, if we’re all quiet… and then someone suddenly yells. That scares me. The sudden fright of it. 

C: Ning-ge, if you’re afraid of the dark, don’t tell me you leave a light on when you sleep at night? LYN: /laughs/ I’m not that afraid, because it’s MY HOUSE. I have a sense of security there. It’s not like I’m sleeping on the streets! If I were sleeping on the street, I’d definitely be afraid. At home, with the doors locked, I’m safe and I know that no one is going to suddenly pat me on the shoulder. LYN: What are you talking about??? In your case I wouldn’t even be able to sleep because once I close my eyes it’s dark and I’d be afraid. You must be crazy.

----- Concert

C: My piggybanks are already full. When are you holding your concert? LYN: Soon. Don’t shatter* your piggybank just yet. Keep it for now. When my concert opens, you can smash it open then and start buying your tickets. [t/n: they way he said “shatter/break to pieces” (摔碎), reminded me of when he said it as Xiazi and LYH laughed at the heavy accent.] - C: Hello. I’m a new fan. LYN: Mn. Welcome.  - C: I won’t be able to get any tickets! LYN: I’m not as popular as you think I am! Don’t worry, you will definitely be able to get one. It may not be the seat that you want- those who are better off might want something in the front row and they might face some competition- but if you buy something in the very back row, you should be able to get it. You’ll be able to get something, don’t worry. C: Ning-ge, you’re super popular! You just don’t know it. LYN: 去你的! I’m not-

LYN: This season of KSTLB is a totally new gameplay. I had a lot of fun recording and I hope you’re having fun watching it. I’ll also skim through the show and check out the comments. Everyone is pretty interesting and we made a good group. I think Thursday is the ep where Jin Jing comes (E5).

LYN: The previous concert tour was in 2019, or 2018 right? I forgot. 2019, right? And the last stop was Wuhan- all the tickets were sold. I’ve been thinking about this. Because I was supposed to hold my last stop there, but then because of the pandemic it was postponed. I didn’t hold the concert, but the tickets were already sold. I had told you at the time that you could ask for a refund and we would give it to you, but up until this day I don’t think anyone has. Of course, it made me happy to know that you didn’t want to refund it. But- because it’s been 4-5 years since then, is there anyone out there who forgot to get their refund, or have since stopped being my fan? Is there anyone out there like that? I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone posting about having a ticket and wanting to sell it. LYN: I just want to ask- how many of you watching right now have tickets for the Wuhan stop that never happened, that you didn’t get a refund for? Are any of you here? If you are, press “1”.  I want to see how many of you there are. I’m just worried about people who have a ticket but stopped being my fan, and don’t care about the money they had spent. If they wanted to, they could have.

LYN: If I’m going to hold another concert tour, I will definitely make up for that stop. I owe you one. I was thinking I would do one day for makeup, plus an additional day. Two stops in Wuhan. IF I hold it, that’s how I want it to go. LYN: I was just thinking about it, is all. Honestly, there aren’t any plans set because my filming schedule is a bit much and I don’t want to think much about what comes after. I was just thinking about whether I should accept another drama for after SJYM or not. If I don’t, then I would hold my concert. If I do, then I’d probably… not hold it this year. I don’t know becauseI haven’t set anything yet, so that’s why I don’t want to make any promises. LYN: If I accept another drama for the latter half of the year, then I will definitely hold my concert next year. This year is already half gone, so I’d hold the concert next year. If I don’t accept another drama… I don’t know what my condition will be like. But since I haven’t taken a break from filming, I could probably use some rest and get ready for the tour. 

C: Lao-da, your dramas waiting to be aired is a little advanced. LYN: See? Other than the 90% of you who are visual-fans /laughs/, I still have some career-fans. They hope that my career continues it’s upwards growth. “Ning-ge, your waitlisted dramas are in trouble, because you’re running out of stock.” /sigh/ It’s true there aren’t many left. Including the one I’m currently filming, I only have four. LYN: You don’t need to worry, because I have my own plans. I’ll see when the time comes, as nothing is set. C: I used to be a career-fan. LYN: Don’t worry about it. My career- I’m well aware of it. I don’t know about other people, but I don’t need you to push me on it. Maybe some people need it, and you were here planning to supervise my work like, “Ning-ge, instead of doing nothing at home, wouldn’t it be better for you to find a job or event to do?? You’re not accepting dramas. You’re not releasing albums.” etc. They’re worried for me, but I really don’t need it. LYN: If I go three days without work- whether that’s recording, or filming, or meetings/anything related to work- I get anxious. I’m guessing I would probably stream for three days straight instead. “I won’t have any work for three days, I should stream!” I’m that type of person. So, you don’t have to worry for me and be concerned that I’m not accepting jobs. You don’t need to do that. I’m a little intense. 

LYN: As long as it doesn’t kill me, I will work until I die. LYN: But I’m not trying to brag about how hard I work by saying that! I just… I’m afraid of not having work. It’s that simple. I’m not working hard, and it doesn’t have to do with how much hard work I’m doing. I’m just afraid of not having work, afraid that this industry won’t need me anymore. Even though it doesn’t need me very much right now, either.

----- Misc

C: Please wish me success on my gaokao. LYN: Okay, I saw your message. I want to tell everyone who will soon take the gaokao to work hard, don’t be nervous, and I hope you get good scores. Jiayou!

C: Ning-ge, I’m celebrating my birthday today. LYN: I’d also like to wish you a Happy Birthday, and hope that everything goes smoothly in the next year of your life. I hope your work is smooth, your learning is smooth, and everything goes by without a hitch. I hope that you are successful at whatever you are striving towards.

C: Lao-da, why are your eyes a little red? LYN: I just cried. I- No, forget it. Let me change a reason. I opened up the corners of my eyes a little (with surgery).

LYN: Of course, I wish all of you happiness.

C: I want to hear 奉上. LYN: I don’t know what my condition is like today. I’m not sure I can sing it well. But I can try. - /making noises/ LYN: I’m testing the sound. I don’t mean anything by it. LYN: I feel like I haven’t sung in a long time. - /turns on a effect that immediately zooms in on his face/ LYN: You don’t need to do that. It’s so big. (his face) -- 奉上 (Offer) - A Journey to Love OST LYN: I haven’t adjusted my mic in a long time, so I’m not sure how that sounded. / What’s wrong with the track? C: The bg music was super loud. LYN: Oh, sorry!

LYN: Every time I finish singing a song, there’s someone in the chat who says, “Old but still vigorous.” /sigh/ Because I’ve been acting lately, the fact that I’m even able to still sing means that I’m “old but vigorous”, is that it? I’ll pretend you mean that in a good way.

C: Sun Lang is here. LYN: Li Huan is here? Welcome! If I were streaming from my phone, I would have asked to connect but I’m streaming from my computer today. I can’t do it on my computer. The next time I stream using my phone, Huan, if you come we should connect and chat. 

bgm: 莫问前程 (Don’t Ask About the Future) - White Cat Legend OST

C: Ning-ge, it’s about time to cut your hair. LYN: What do you care?! I’m shooting a drama and I don’t really have time or occasion to go out and get my hair cut. And I… don’t really dare to go out around Hengdian to get it cut. XD No- I have someone I go to, to get my hair cut. When I go to Beijing or Shanghai- I have hairdressers that I know. If I say it that way, it’s okay right? There are stylists I’m more familiar with, and when I have time I’ll get them to cut it. But for now, I’ll just leave it.C: The sound of the mic is very small. LYN: Is it really that bad?? /troubleshooting/ Is there no change? /sigh/ Sorry. - /continues trying to adjust the settings/ C: When the background music is on, the speaking sound is too little. // There’s no change. LYN: Oh, the background music is too loud? It should be fine now, right? Is the sound loud enough?? It should be good now, right? / Ok, I got it. The bgm was too loud. LYN: Maybe that’s the atmosphere I wanted to create- like you’re in a bar. I just want the music to flood your ears. Here, even though you’re watching a stream, I want you to feel like you’re clubbing. Let me find some music, so you can feel it properly. - /picks a song he calls “off-putting” to start/ - /the next song he looks like he’s in pain??/ LYN: OMG. I haven’t been out in a long time, does it all sound like this? I don’t feel like this is clubbing music. This is like those scooters with speakers on the back of it. There are all sorts of lights and leds on it, and a speaker on the back. This is the type of music that would play on those things. I’m not trying to say that I’m high maintenance or anything, but I don’t think I can accept this type of music. - /plays a new one - Mike Candys - Aliens/ LYN: This one is starting off okay, with the English from the start. // This one’s okay! - /clubbing/ C: I can’t hear you talking. LYN: I’m not talking, though?!

C: What about the lights? LYN: My normal streaming isn’t enough anymore, and now I have to arrange a flashing disco ball too? So that you can get hyped up? Sorry- I can’t do it. I can’t help you with that. - C: Ning-ge, you’re trending at #33. LYN: It’s for something good, right? Is it something positive or is someone making fun of me? Which is it? … What’s the topic? “LYN Livestream”? Oh, then that’s okay. - LYN: I just hope to make a stream with the right mood. I think that no matter what you’re doing, that atmosphere is the most important. Think about it- why is it that when you’re watching dramas and the two leads are about to kiss that there’s the mood for it in the scene? It’s because of all the lights and the filters that work together to make the scene, right? If you see two people kissing on the street, will you feel like you’re watching two leads in a drama? No. That’s why- everything needs that atmosphere/mood. 

LYN: What happened, the sound is small again? /adjusting/ I know. It should be fine now. I just forgot to adjust one of the settings. If it’s still small… I’ll take off my head and give it to you. I’m that confident.

bgm: 잘자요 아가씨 (晚安大小姐) - ASMRZ

C: The sound of the music is loud. LYN: It’s still loud? I saw someone type earlier that if you’re listening with headphones, there’s no problem. If that’s the case, why don’t you grab a pair? I’ve already adjusted things to their limit. Can you grab pair of headphones? So we don’t… keep wronging ourselves. // Is the sound still low? I really don’t believe you. I’m going to go into my own stream to check it out. I don’t know what’s wrong. How can it be like this? There’s no way. LYN: Is it okay? I think it should be. You can blame me for earlier. I rather think it’s too loud, so I’ll adjust it lower. It’s okay now. There’s no problem. Let me save these settings, as long as you think it’s comfortable to listen to. That way next time I won’t have to mess with it again. [t/n: the L-R balance is off… >.>] - /more complaints from the chat, driving him crazy/ LYN: Is it okay now? Is there no end to this?? I’ve totally lost my streaming condition. I’ll stop streaming. Goodnight, everyone. Goodnight, ladies. Lao-mei, it’s time to go to sleep. C: Our ears are the problem. LYN: No, it has nothing to do with you; you don’t need to make it your problem. It IS my problem. I had reset the system, because my streams would lag before.

C: 光束一夜黑. LYN: 黑夜一束光, lao-mei!! A lot of people know this song from the variety show, but they don’t know what the original sounds like. I’ll sing it for you- 光束一夜黑. -- 黑夜一束光 (Praying) LYN: Forget it. Because I can’t be sure of how you’re hearing it, so I don’t really dare to sing. C: The sound is low. LYN: See? It’s low again. Whatever. Listen for entertainment. I won’t keep messing with it, since this equipment sensitive.

----- break #1 bgm: 落了白 (Falling White) - Jiang Xue’er

C: The speaking volume is too low. LYN: Are you going to keep on with this?? Is it low? It shouldn’t be. I’m sure it’s not. If it’s still low, it’s your problem. C: Whenever you sing, it goes low. LYN: I can hear the white noise so loudly, and you think the volume’s low?? That’s a little strange…I don’t know… /clicking/  which settings…/clicking/ It shouldn’t be low now. It’s just right. C: I’m not using the headphones because the sound’s too loud. LYN: /laughing/ What should we do with this?? LYN: /deep sigh/ Whatever, it is what it is. As long as you can hear me speaking, it’s fine. For singing, I’ll have to come here earlier on another day and fix the settings properly. As long as you can hear me fine when chatting, it doesn’t matter. Once all this equipment is out of sync, then my whole streaming mood is gone. It’s okay as long as you can hear clearly. I need to fix the settings; for now I just won’t sing.

C: Talk about TXJ. LYN: The climax is over. The time to talk about it has passed. In any case, I died again. It’s quite good.

C: Ning-ge, can you wish me luck on the gaokao? LYN: About hald an hour ago, I already did. When the stream is over you can watch the playback. That part where I wished everyone success on their gaokao- that part was for you. Okay?

C: Watching Zhuo Bufan made me cry. LYN: Yes, he does have a sad ending. I also felt emotional, watching it myself. That drama, including this year, was filmed about three years ago. At the time my biggest challenge was doing fight scenes. He fights too much and for no reason! As soon as two people meet, they start fighting. They want to spar for no reason. Every time I go into a new crew, I come out learning something. With that drama my biggest improvement was in how to do fight scenes. 

C: You’re trending at # 8. LYN: ?? /checking/ LYN: /sigh/ LYN: I think you must be mistaken. The #8 I’m seeing is “Elder Princess and Second Prince _ The Crazies Meet” [Joy of Life topic] The Second Prince… Liu Duanduan, right? I’m Liu Yuning. You were mistaken. Yes, we are both named “Liu”. - /explaining the sub-categories in the “Trending” tab/ LYN: I’m trending at #40. You can’t even figure out how to work weibo?? In your “my trending” tab, I’m at #8? That means that I must be ranked #8 in your heart, too. “My trending” filters it down to only people or things that you follow. C: Ning-ge, in my trending topics you’re at #1. LYN: For that person earlier, I was #8. Who are the first seven artists? I want their names! LYN: You must have climbed the wall in (came from another fandom).

C: Ning-ge, when will the KSTLB all-cast air? LYN: Who released that news? I don’t think there will be a livestream, I haven’t heard anything of it. What stream? There isn’t one, right? I don’t know- no one has told me.

C: Ning-ge, you’re #18 on my list. LYN: … Get out. I know there aren’t many people here to begin with, but we will not miss you. When I open the doors to do business, I hope all those who come are kind, and not here to wreck shop. For example, if I had a restaurant and I just delivered your dish to you, and you say, “Chef, your dish isn’t that great.” I would be thinking, “Then don’t eat. Leave.”

C: Can you wish me luck on my finals? LYN: Sure. I wish you luck on your finals. I hope everything goes well for you and for those taking the college entrance exam. I hope you get into your ideal school and location. I’m sure you will succeed. Jiayou. You can do it. 

C: Ning-ge, I’ve been chasing you for four years, now. Could you look back at me? LYN: /literally looks behind him/ LYN: Where are you? LYN: /looks over his other shoulder/ LYN: You’re not there… C: Lift your head and look at me. LYN: /laughs/ 

LYN: Wang Youshuo is here? Welcome, welcome! Let me introduce him- WYS. He’s an actor I am working with on this drama and he’s great. I’m happy to have him. Welcome! LYN: Next time, I really should use my phone to stream. When I do, some of my friends will come. Even if they don’t want to be on stream, I can force them to come and exchange a few words and chat. Force them a little bit. But I can’t do it on my computer. :(

C: Ning-ge, I’m a student-fan. I’m doing my homework. LYN: Focus on your homework. A lot of people use my stream as background noise; you can just leave me to the side. Work on whatever you need to, and just leave your phone playing. Do your homework. Work comes first. If you want to chat about anything, you can type it into the comments and we’ll chat. I’ve got nothing else going on today, so I’ll stay and chat. 

C: Gossip, gossip, gossip! LYN: I asked about what you wanted to talk about, and you say, “gossip”?? They’re going crazy. Can you see them in the chat, spamming “gossip”? You must think that since I’m an insider, I know a lot of things, right? You want to ask me about other artist’s secrets? Even my own secrets? Is that what you mean? You want me to publicly (on stream) engage in gossip. You must be crazy. Have you gone crazy or have I? LYN: But, in this industry it’s true that you will come to know about a lot of things. Including which dramas will be airing, and who they’ve fixed as cast and for what. You’ll hear the news about this type of drama stuff.

C: I’ve watched 50+ of your streams and have not engaged once. LYN: Find some sense of self. The reason I’m here right now- instead of sleeping, playing games, or doing other things like watching a movie or drama- the reason I’m streaming is to keep you company. I’ve done all of this to pay attention to you, so the least you could do is reciprocate. Let’s interact. Exist in the moment. LYN: There are a countless number of you out there, and you collectively make up the mood of my stream. You are included in that collective. All the words I am saying to you now, are also being said to everyone watching. Did you want to add me on WeChat and talk one on one?? And then when you’re ready to sleep, should I say to you, “Yare, yare~ Miss, go to sleep.” Should I wait on you??

------- Advice

C: Xiao Ning, ah- LYN: You must be a jiejie, to call me that. I suddenly felt like I’ve gotten a lot younger. C: Xiao Ning, if you encounter some inconvenient/troublesome/annoying things, how do you relieve yourself? LYN: Wow, this question. This is the type of question with sustenance that adults should be asking. Not like you others who only wanted gossip. You only like the useless things, but look at this jiejie’s question: When you feel like you’re under pressure, how do you release it? This is a really good question.

LYN: How do I mediate? My choice is not to mediate. In my opinion, I feel like a person’s life is just one problem, one pressure, one after another. I don’t have any way of dispelling that pressure. The most I do is get a good sleep. After I wake up, I face the problem. Whether it can be solved or not is a different story. I have to bravely face it first.

C: Xiao Ning, are you trying to become a mood streamer? LYN: /laughs/ A mood streamer?? I sure do have a lot of personal moods. 

C: How do I persevere at work? LYN: This friend is probably working now, and wants to know how they can persevere, right? I mean… what else can you do? You should work. People should be working. Unless you come from a good family, and your parents have money enough to indulge you while you laze around at home, playing games and enjoying life. If that’s the case, then you can play. That’s a blessing the heavens gave to you. But if you are in a situation where your family can’t help you, then you should be working hard and going to work so you can earn money to live. What else can you do? We’re all the same.

LYN: There was someone earlier who asked if I wanted to be a “qing xu” (mood) streamer, but they probably typed wrong and meant “qing gan” (emotion) streamer. I think people took it seriously, and really are coming to ask me questions. Friends, I can’t explain anything to you. Please don’t take it seriously. The stream is for joking around. LYN: Someone just asked me, “Ning-ge, what should I do if I don’t score well on my college entrance exam?” I can’t give you the correct answer. I can only tell you that university it not necessarily the most important thing. It’s also a turning point in your life, but it’s not the most important choice you will ever need to make in life. You might not score well. Look at me- I’m just a cook. I don’t dare to say that I’m doing well in life right now, but I may be a cook only have a high school education, but as of this moment I can also be an emotional streamer. Right? If I can’t do anything else, at the very least I can be an emotional streamer right now. But I (officially) learned how to be a cook. This might only be a small point in your life, and there are countless opportunities on your future path. As long as you keep looking forward to the work you’ll do and the people you’ll meet, you will come to face a new turning point. 

LYN: Someone asked me a question that truly touched me: C: How do I give rockets to the streamer?  LYN: /laughs/ I’m so touched. Earlier I got “I don’t want to work”, and now I have “How do I send rockets?” YOU are the true emotional streamer. You have comforted me. It’s like this- I don’t care to make a profit off of weibo. So, 1. I don’t advertise or try to market influence you, and the gift-giving function is closed on my stream. My stream is just a space for me to chat with my fans or people who know me. I don’t accept gifts. But, I do have some brand collaborations. I am spokesperson for a number of brands. Jewelry and accessories comes from Pomellato. If you want to buy something, you can check them out. Skin and haircare comes from L’Oreal. If you want to drink some yogurt, I am also Chunzhen’s spokesperson. I’m pretty good with them, so you can buy some Chunzhen yogurt and the like. Eat, drink. Okay? LYN: But when you’re checking out- you know how you asked about rockets? When you’re checking out of the store, you can tell the clerk or make note that your purchase was a “rocket meant for LYN.” Later I’ll go and check. Okay? That’s enough for me.

C: Ning-ge, when you look into the camera, it’s like we’re meeting eyes. LYN: /laughs/ I need to prepare some bgm for this… - /~~ You Are My Destiny ~~ … but missed the right timing./ LYN: It’s not this one! Oh, no. It’s flopped. Why didn’t she sing…? [t/n: he’s got the instrumental track…] LYN: AWKWARD. LYN: Let me search again. // Ok, here we go. - /~~ ₊˚✧ ﾟ You Are My Destiny ₊˚✧ ﾟ~~/ C: Sweet pretty boy suddenly became greasy old boy. LYN: Apologies, I am the performance-type. 

C: Recommend a drama to me! LYN: You want me to recommend you a drama? Um… there are a lot of hot airing dramas right now, you should go onto your preferred platform and do a search. I have an airing drama right now called TXJ, you can check it out. Check out TXJ; it’s airing on Tencent and iQIYI. Go have a look. C: Ge, do you have a long contract with Tencent? LYN: Yeah? I have a long contract with Tencent, iQIYI, Youku, Mango… At least that’s my wish. I hope they can continue to use me for a long time. That’s the wish I made for my birthday- that these platforms will continue to use me. So in my heart, I think of our relationship as a long collaboration. LYN: Even though up to this point I haven’t had a drama on Mango TV, I’m sure that in the future we will have a very long collaboration. That’s what I hope for, at least. I hope someone wants me to act in their drama.

C: Why is your sense of crisis so strong? LYN: That’s just the way this industry is. Actually, it applies to any industry. I will always remember a saying, even though I’ve said it many times before, I think every industry is the same. “逆水行舟，不进则退” (Like rowing a boat upstream, if you stop moving forward you fall back.) If you really like your current conditions or become satisfied with the way things are, it’s possible that you will be replaced or eliminated over time. Even when you’re trying your hardest, you’re not necessarily going to be able to keep up with the flow. So that’s why you should always strive to be more active (and move forward).  

-----

C: What’s on your face? LYN: I didn’t remove this when I was wiping my makeup earlier. This is a tattoo I have in my current drama. 

C: The volume is low again. LYN: It’s okay, I’ll adjust the settings later.

C: What did the champagne taste like when you attended that event earlier in the month? LYN: How can I describe the flavor of champagne to you? You really have to taste carefully, with champagne. You have to open up your whole palate to taste it in detail. Let me tell you how it tastes- like champagne. Do you understand? If you want to know how champagne tastes when it hits your mouth, I’ll tell you it tastes purely like champagne. What did you expect to hear?

C: What does beer taste like? LYN: It tastes like beer! C: What does a cucumber taste like? LYN: Tastes like a cucumber! LYN: What nonsense is this?? How could you ask me what champagne tastes like??? I’m at a loss!

C: Didn’t you down it in one go? LYN: What you mean to say is I was like Zhu Bajie eating the renshen fruit, who swallowed it in one go and didn’t have a chance to taste it, is that what you mean??? I drank it too quickly, and couldn’t even tell you what it tasted like? I mean… when it goes down the aftertaste is also the same taste- of champagne. I give up. C: Was it sweet? LYN: A little bit.

C: Lao-da, did you get drunk? LYN: It wasn’t enough to get me drunk, but dizzy. A glass of champagne isn’t enough to get me drunk, but I was super dizzy. 

bgm: 撞地球 (Earth Collision) by Yu Er Qi

C: I’m sleepy. Goodnight. LYN: If any of you are sleepy, you should go to sleep. I’m sure that you are- um… em… forget it. I would have made a snarky comment before, but now I don’t dare to. LYN: WHAT TIME IS IT, AND YOU WANT TO SLEEP? IT’S 10PM, AND YOU WANT TO SLEEP??? Do you spend your life away in dreams? 10pm to a young person is the time we are only just starting to wake up. Have you heard the song, “If I were a DJ, would you love me?” LYN: If I were a DJ, would you love me? I really want to ask you. bgm: 午夜DJ LYN: It went to my head for no reason. I haven’t even had any champagne. - C: Sleeping so early? LYN: It’s okay to go to sleep now, because early to sleep and early to rise is good for your health, right? Have a good sleep. Goodnight. LYN: Friends- that person went to sleep, right? Now I’m going to tell you something that will become today’s BIG gossip story. Friends- that person went to sleep, right? Ok. When that person has gone to sleep for five minutes, I’ll tell you the hottest gossip in the entertainment circle today. This is the biggest thing I’ve heard since I’ve entered this circle; I’ll share with you. But that person has gone to sleep, right? It’s okay- we’re not in a rush. Let’s let them get to bed, and I’ll tell you after they fall asleep. C: I knew you would say that!  LYN: You’ve seen me through. This is already a recurring program. Whenever anyone wants to leave my stream early, I’ll reveal some exposing gossip.

C: The yxh is saying that you’ll start your tour in Sep. LYN: ?? I haven’t even heard of that. They’re saying LYN will start his tour in Sep? As LYN himself, I didn’t even know about it. Because this drama is going to take me until at least October. Why don’t I just take a tour around set and sing to the props, lighting, wardrobe, and makeup laoshi? If I go around to the different departments, that counts as a tour, right?  C: A different yxh is saying summer vacation of next year. LYN: Summer vacation of next year?? I mean, they’re bound to blindly guess correctly. They’re predicting. If you find 12 yxh accounts, and each one of them claims a month, starting from September-Oct-Nov-Dec-Jan-etc.- all the way up until Sep 2025, one of them is going to be right. Then, when I actually start my tour, you’ll think, “Oh! They got it right! This account is so accurate.” This is just like fortune-telling. It’s all about probability.

C: Is the second album finished yet? LYN: No, it hasn’t. But I have a new plan for my EP. /laughs/ Inexplicably. I’ve been too busy with this crew. I found that once I enter a crew, pretty much all work on my album comes to a pause. I don’t have enough time for it all.

C: It’s been five minutes. Where’s the gossip? LYN: The gossip is- this is the biggest thing going around the entertainment industry right now- friends, let me tell you. Liu Yuning might hold his concert tour next year. /struggles to keep a straight face/ LYN: Isn’t that exciting? Of course, it’s like this- if you care about it, you’ll think it’s big news. If you don’t care about it, then it has nothing to do with you. Just like most things on the internet- it has nothing to do with me. I don’t worry about it, because it’s none of my business. 

LYN: Someone said Wang Jialuo (Pang Hanchen) is here? Here to apologize?? LYN: Welcome, Pang Hanchen~! LYN: Wang Jialuo! My senior brother is dead. The Rongtian Sword Sect has perished. Can’t you just let me go?? C: You scared him to death. LYN: Nah, that’s unwarranted. It’s all cool. Actors are actors, and characters are characters. For a character to be known or hated by everyone, that just means that the role was worth remembering. It means that an actor performed well. 

C: We’re too into the story. LYN: No, you can’t be like that. Separate actors from the characters they play. It’s because I’ve lived through this already. When I first started acting, it was as the villain. I would be the one harming the main character. I was always the villain, the bad guy. But I don’t think Wang Jialuo can be considered either a bad or a good guy. You can’t use good/bad to judge the man. But at the start, I was this type of “bad guy.” I remember my very first drama- it was a pretty big project- and I was just happy to be an actor. All of the comments I received were those yelling/cursing at me. “Why is this character such a abad person? I’m sure LYN himself is as well.” “He LOOKS like he would play a villain.” /sigh/ 

LYN: Dunming is here, too? My da-shixiong, Yu Huanjie? LYN: No- I just want to tell them that I’m streaming from my computer today, so I can’t connect. Next time, we should get the actors together for a stream and to chat. We can do a livestream. I was thinking of calling them over the last time I did a group livestream, for the drama promotion. But I want to call them over so you all can yell at them. Put them under public scrutiny. But there’s no helping it, you can only ridicule them in your hearts.

LYN: The two of them (PHC & ZDM) are both very excellent actors. You can tell by watching the drama- the only reason these two characters strike a nerve with people and are hated to the core is because the actors themselves are great. C: They acted too well; I really hate them. LYN: /sigh/ In any case, the two of you (PHC & ZDM) should take care when you go out these days. If you are plotted against on the streets, it’s understandable.

C: Ning-ge, I just went to Taobao to get rockets for you. LYN: You didn’t need to!! I was just joking. But if you truly NEED those products, you can go ahead and purchase some. Because they are products I am a spokesperson for. If you need it, you can buy it. I am not forcing you, by telling you in my stream that you SHOULD go to Taobao and buy these things for me. It’s not necessary. LYN: Thank you for your support, though. LYN: At the Pomellato event, I saw many of you taking bags home. I can tell that you have money~ I saw you with such small bags and thought, “Mn. Nice.” It makes me look good. XD - LYN: The event was in Shanghai, right? Every time I go to Shanghai I’ll shop around, and encounter my fans. I personally like shopping. I like to buy clothes, because I’ll wear what I buy when I go to any event or function, and even my daily clothes. I don’t often ask brands if I could borrow or rent their clothing. For the most part- 90% of the clothes I own I bought myself. So, I really like shopping and especially for clothes. I’ll always go to the Pomelleto shop- becasuse there’s one there- and secretly take a selfie and leave. But I guess I do it kind of suspiciously, because the clerks always squint at me like this: /imitates/ “What’s that guy doing at the entrance??” C: Release the pic! LYN: I will! Do you want to see them? Let me look.  // There’s really not much to look at. I won’t be posting it, because I wasn’t wearing any makeup.

C: Send it to the weibo group chat. LYN: Ok. How about this- I’m streaming today, but tomorrow I won’t be able to keep you company, so I will post it then. Perfunctorily. Oops- I said my inside thoughts out loud. C: Is this also a “pie”? LYN: It’s just a picture, why would it become a “pie”?? I can’t with you. C: I really like this type of half-heartedness. LYN: ?!? C: Ning-ge, if you don’t post it tomorrow I will tear down the shed. LYN: I’ll post it to the group tomorrow.

C: Ning-ge, are you still alive at the end of TXJ? LYN: Go watch it for yourself. I can’t give you any spoilers. If I tell you I live, you might not think it’s very exciting. If I tell you I die, you might be sad. So you should go watch for yourself. I won’t be telling you any spoilers. Some people are alive but dead to others. Some people die but live on in our hearts.

bgm: 莫问前程 (Don’t Ask About the Future) - White Cat Legend OST

C: Ning-ge, have you been to Chengdu? LYN: I’ve been there. I also shot a drama there. BYOL with Tao-jie was shot in Chengdu. I was there for a long time. C: Have you been to London. LYN: I think I’ve been there… have I? I think I went to Paris. I’ve forgotten what cities I’ve been to. It should have been London- I shot a commercial there before. I haven’t really been out of the country, so I don’t have a good concept of it. I collaborate with a number of brands, and sometimes they will ask me to attend their events, but I never go. I don’t really like going in that direction. So I… haven’t much been out of the country. C: Do you want to go traveling? LYN: Not really? I haven’t really thought about what specific country I’d like to visit, rather I think about amusement parks. I just want to go to an amusement park and it doesn’t matter where. // I’ve been to a lot, because every time I go to a city I’ll ask about them. Then I’ll look up whether they’re fun or not. If they’re not then I won’t go. 

C: Chengdu Disney is waiting for you to come play. LYN: Chengdu…? You’re talking about… Chengdu Disney??? I didn’t mishear you, right? This joke is already long over, and you’re only cueing me now?? - [t/n: some meme reference?] LYN: It’s been about a month since that joke has passed. C: You know of it? LYN: I’m a singer, still. For things related to song/rap, that’s still within my circle. I still follow music related things. 

bgm: 拂晓 (Dawn) - Harbin 1944 OST

C: When will you go record the music variety? LYN: I don’t know. I’m waiting for the other part to update me with the itinerary. But I might not have the time to record it. It depends on my time in the crew. If I could take the time away I’ll do to record it. If I can’t take time I’ll just have to work with them the next time. It’s all still being planned.

bgm: 别梦寒 (Don’t Dream of the Cold) - A Journey to Love OST

C: I want to hear the previous song. LYN: I was afraid to play this song because I didn’t want you to be sleepy. It’s too sad (of a song). Plus, it’s almost 11p.

----- break #2 LYN: ?! It lagged for a bit there and gave me a fright. I was afraid my computer was frozen.

C: Who won and who lost? LYN: The neighbors? … The volume on their tv was up too high. The neighbors are watching TXJ, and it was right at the part where ZBF and MSD were exchanging blows. They were loath to part, making all sorts of noise. So I just decided to come back. 

C: Trending topic #4. LYN: Who are you trying to trick with that? Is it “My Trending Topics” again? C: You dropped of the Trending list. LYN: … That’s hurtful, isn’t it? Look at other people- those more amazing people- who can get a trending topic as they wish. It’s so easy for them to get a trending topic. But then there’s me. I’ve been chatting with you for (close to) three hours now and I’m only at #40. /corrects himself/ I’m not even on the list. C: Ge. You were at #39 and then dropped off after a while. LYN: That’s why I have to continue to work hard. C: Trending at #4. You’re on it. LYN: What is it? /goes to check/ LYN: In MY “My Trending Topics” I actually am at #4. If I’m at #4 in my own list… What is “LYN unmasking PTSD”? What does “PTSD” mean?? P-T-S-D? 胖头 (Pàng Tóu = fat head)... /laughs/ “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder”, is it? - /trying to read all the responses to “what does “ptsd” mean?”/ LYN: Okay now, all you “doctors”. Thank you, Doctor.

C: TXJ is really good! Ning-ge, shoot more dramas like this one. LYN: I actually do like this type of drama. But next time I just hope that I can have more scenes. I haven’t had enough. - /trying to remember his opening narration/character intro/

C: Ning-ge, I’m on vacation in Sanya. Will you come? LYN: What?? You’re on vacation in Sanya, and you’re asking if I’ll go? What type of job do you think I have? Huh? Do you think I’m like… a companion you can bring along like in HoK? Even if I do go, you can’t just ask me like this so openly. How could I promise you, then? Even though I am in a type of customer service industry right now, I don’t think I can do that type of service. I hope you have a fun time in Sanya. I hope you enjoy it. I won’t be going, as I have a drama to shoot. C: Should we contact your studio instead? LYN: No, no. I’m not going! LYN: Do you all know what the “contact my studio” thing is? I used to joke- someone had asked me before, “If I gave you 100k RMB, would you give me a bath/scrub?” I told them to contact my studio. XD It was a joke. I could make jokes like that three years ago, but now I don’t dare to make any such jokes. Everything goes online. People KNOW it’s fake, but they will still post it and make you a target for a round of ridicule. 

C: People have no sense of humor. LYN: It’s not that they don’t have a sense of humor, they do. They just don’t like me. They don’t like me, yet they continue to look out for news on me. There’s a group of people out there who do nothing but watch me like hawks. For example, they might be more eager to watch my stream than my actual fans are. They’re just looking for a loophole or a slip, some topic that they can turn into a point of discussion. With that, they’re happy. They’re so happy to curse people, even for one or two sentences. They’re just looking for people who resonate with them. LYN: But I can understand these types of people, too. I have a feeling that 20-30 years later, sometime within the next 30 years, these people will have a moment where they realize they actually like me. In 30 years they will have grown, matures, seen all the world has to offer, and their hearts will become good. When they look back, they’ll realize that I was the one who kept them company for the past 30 years. I’m waiting for that day to come, when they have matured and their hearts have calmed. The day they don’t think of harming others first, they will look back and realize that I have spent the past 30 years with them. It doesn’t matter if they cursed or ridiculed me for those 30 years, I was still there. Without me, how else would they have expressed their dissatisfaction with the world, or unhappiness and pressure from work?

LYN: Seriously. Friends, let’s wait and see. I’m sure there are some people watching my stream right now, who don’t like me and are ready to ridicule me. Maybe they hate me. Maybe they think I’m ugly. Maybe, somehow I am not good enough for them. Let’s make a 30-year agreement. Trust me. I guarantee you. In 30 years, or one day within the next 30 years, there will come a day where you love me. LYN: Let’s swear on it. [t/n: I am now noticing I really like the shape of this sweater. (wide sleeves)] - C: Can you go at 2x speed? LYN: Are you crazy?!? I’m LIVEstreaming. You have to cherish every word- Are you really that bored?? You have to put it at 2x speed in order to watch? - LYN: Just like how the Bodhi and Dharma successors (TXJ) had a 30-year agreement, antis and I are the same. Antis, let’s make a 30-year agreement, okay? I’m sure that in thirty years we will become people who sincerely know and love each other. 

C: You’re an old actor already, and yet you (break character to) laugh?? LYN: It had nothing to do with old or not old- I’m just impressed by how I could even think of such a thing (as the 30-year agreement). LYN: I look insane.

C: Ning-ge, in 30 years I’ll be eighty. LYN: What about it? It’s okay. LYN: Have you turned yourself in, though? Did that count as turning yourself in? “Ning-ge, I’m an anti and I can’t wait for you another 30 years. I’ll be eighty by then. I can’t hold on much longer.” You’ve confessed? Or do you mean that in 30 years you’ll be eighty, but you want to live to see that day that antis and I finally come to peace? C: Ning-ge, in 30 years I’ll be forty-five. LYN: :| … It’s a good thing that the presents are closed, otherwise I’d be afraid of being accused of soliciting money from minors. What time is it? 11pm. You should be sleeping. Fifteen years old and you’re watching my stream?? You should know better. Quickly go and rest. Go to sleep. Study well. C: Ning-ge, in 30 years, I’ll be eight. LYN: /laughs/ You- did I misread that? What does that mean? In 30 years you’ll be eight??? How does that math work??

------ Bathhouses (how did we get here??)

C: Ning-ge, how do you bathe/scrub in the South? LYN: In the South… I do it to myself. I’m originally from Northeast, and we have bathhouses there. Friends, if you go to the Northeast to play, you definitely should visit one and experience it. But you’d have to find a better rated one. You can soak in the big pool and experience the scrub. A lot of the better places are not only about the scrub. Let me tell you, because many of you have not been to one. Let me tell you what you can do in a bathhouse. People from the South might not know, so I’ll walk you through the process. [t/n: flashbacks to his 2022.08.12 stream, where he explained this whole thing]

- You walk in and see two paths. Someone welcomes you, asks you how many people in your party, and directs you to the front desk for a number - You get your number (for a locker) and are directed to an area- only shoes- where you will take off yours. “You can go in to wash but you can’t bring your shoes. Because they’re afraid of people washing then immediately leaving. Shoes are collateral.” Change into slippers. - You are asked if you’d like your shoes cleaned. It’s about 10-20rmb. - Men are on the first floor, and Women are on the second. There are no solo rooms. - Next you enter a hall full of lockers. Find yours according to the number originally assigned to you. Take off your clothes and put them in the locker. 

LYN: There are a lot of people, and some are shy. Like me. But you’re there to wash up, so normally people just tie a towel around their waist and go in. C: Really get naked?? LYN: What else are you going to do, watch?? You’re there to wash up, why wouldn’t you take off your clothes? C: Southern people are shy. LYN: It has nothing to do with whether you’re shy or not. It’s all men in there, what’s there to be shy about?? But if you are, you can just wrap a towel and go in.

- Around the perimeter of the area are shower heads. You can adjust temperature however you want and the pressure is high. In the middle there are 2-3 large pools. The largest one is usually around 30-35C. Towards the edges are the hotter pools, around 40C or a little higher. There’s another row with seated bathing- for the old people to sit and wash. - You only need to bring your body. Soaps, shampoos, and cleaning supplies are all offered. - You finish up with the baths, rinse, and are ready for the scrub. There’s a designated area to go, find and find a shifu. It normally costs around 38rmb, but can be more. It was 38rmb when he was still going. C: Is that expensive? LYN: I guess it depends on what you’re there for. If you’re there to have a bath and scrub, 100rmb should do it.

- The shifu will ask if you want a salt scrub: 68 or 88rmb. To disinfect. “If you’re stingy like me, you’ll say no thanks.” Or they’ll ask if you want lemon. Lemon is 68, the slightly cheaper option. The salt was 88. You can ask for vinegar instead. “Because it is better at getting off the dust.”

C: Do they have purple salt? LYN: 去你的!

C: Is there medicinal oil? LYN: That counts as a spa thing. You’d have to go up. I’m telling you floor by floor. We’re only on the first floor now. LYN: Putting salt has a disinfecting function. But men rarely have a milk scrub; you’d see that more in the women’s baths. It’s supposed to make your skin better, but let me tell you- it really doesn’t do anything. Even if you sit in a tub of milk, it’s not as if your body can absorb anything. Let alone using it to scrub your body with. I’m telling you- it’s all a lie. The most realistic thing is to use some lemon. Salt is okay, too. Vinegar helps to remove oil. Maybe without it, it would be easier to scrub. 

- When you’re done you can rinse off or go take a sit in the sauna. - The better accommodations are upstairs. By floor: 1. Men’s Bath 2. Women’s Bath 3. Dining 4. Rest area - one section has dim lights and you can sit on a sofa and rest a little; there’s a Chinese chess area; likens it to an amusement park. 5. Private Rooms - for massage, ear cleaning, etc. 6. Hotel Rooms -  /starts explaining what you can do by floor/

- got to 4F, when: C: Are you naked all through this?? LYN: No, when you finish washing they’ll give you a robe before you head upstairs.

LYN: When you’re all done you can come back to the first floor and rinse off before you head home. That’s the basic bathhouse walkthrough.

C: Have you worked there? LYN: I have worked in a bathhouse before. I was a waiter there for… a little more than a year, I think. I was working in the dining area, but I’m familiar with the whole process of it.  - LYN: If you get the chance to head North, visit a bathhouse. It’s pretty interesting. - C: Do you get commission? LYN: No, it’s just your regular wage. A very “dead” wage.

----- SJYM

LYN: LYT-laoshi is here? Oh, welcome! LYN: I’m sorry. I’m ashamed. Because originally I was supposed to be filming for a scene tonight- a scene where the hero rescues the maiden. The FL gets surrounded by 200 small vagrants. She was shopping on the street when she was surround by 200 small vagrants. In fear and at a loss, she looks around for help. Suddenly, I appear. Together, myself and 100 other small vagrants (?) bombard her. But this scene was scrapped and I didn’t get to film today. She’s hanging out with those 100 small vagrants now. I came back home to stream. [t/n: what??] I didn’t save her, but came to stream instead. C: What about the other 100? LYN: … - C: I thought you had cameo’d? LYN: Yeah, I’m the background actor that shows his face a lot. - C: The other 100 came to watch the stream. LYN: Meaning that you’ve already discovered that there are 100 little vagrants with us in the stream? /laughs/ You got me.

C: You’re going to scare her away. LYN: No. Actually, when I work with other actors- it doesn’t matter who- I’m still a rookie. Though I may look older (and AM older) than the actors, colleagues, and friends I’ve worked with, the truth is that I AM a rookie. You can pick anyone, and they all would have debuted earlier than me.

C: Ning-ge, I want to go act as a vagrant. LYN: /lol/ You want to bombard the FL??

LYN: The director is here??

LYN: On, in that case- speaking from the heart, if I had to use a single word to describemy current state it woul be: humiliated. Because when I’m with the drama crew I never act like how I do in my stream. In the crew I need to act a little more proper/sane. I don’t want them to think that I am unreliable or unstable. I don’t want them to think I’m a vagrant. So usually when I get on to set in the morning and see the director, for example I’ll say, ‘Good morning, Director.” And if I see the Fl, I’ll say, “Good morning.” [short and simple] Do you hear- the sound of my voice is even more dignified. “Good morning.” “Did you sleep well?” “Not bad?” “Okay, good.” And to other actors: “Hello.” “Do you have a lot of scenes today?” “You don’t?” “Thanks for your hard work.” Putting on airs. But in reality, I’m just a small vagrant. XD

C: Director Guo, please film Nan Heng well! LYN: Is that not disgraceful?? Do you think he, the Director, needs you to tell him that? LYN: The Director has already done his best when filming me. Think about how many times I have to wear the mask. Every time I have to take it off, I’m terrified. But the Director has already done the best he could. I can’t say I look cool but at least you can’t say that I’m… /trails off/ We don’t want what happened before to happen again.

C: You scared Song Yimeng (LYT) away. LYN: It’s okay.

C: Ning-ge, I’m a vagrant to begin with, can I go act? LYN: Its not necessary.

C: Are there any scenes in this drama where you bombard the ML? LYN: Female vagrants?? You want to come bombard the ML???

-----

C: Ning-ge, your eyes are so pretty. LYN: You’re not kidding, are you? My eyes are the biggest “bug” (flaw) on my face. When I’m acting opposite people it’s always big eyes against small eyes. I am the small eyes. You didn’t learn this from foreign movies, did you? I always see that when they are complimenting someone they’ll say, “Wow, your eyes are so beautiful.” “Your eyes look just like a blue lake.” I feel like in a lot of foreign movies the ML will compliment the FL by saying her eyes are pretty. LYN: Oh, my goodness. ~ You have a pair of eyes that can speak ~

C: Ning-ge, we don’t self deprecate. LYN: Let me tell you. If you want to survive in this industry, you’ll have to learn how to self deprecate. If you don’t do it yourself, others will do it for you. I’m walking on others’ path, so they have no room to walk it. - [t/n: he’ll make fun of himself so other people’s words can’t hurt him.]

C: KSTLB is a really good watch! LYN: It is! I had fun shooting this season as well, and the episodes have all finished recording. If you have some time you can go check it out. Over time we came to know one another, and we were able to relax and play better together. 

C: How many times were you the killer? LYN: I don’t remember, and I can’t spoil anything. But it’s already been 4 episodes and I’ve had a special identity in all of them. For four consecutive episodes, I already knew who the killer was. It really took away from the overall experience. LYN: And then- /laughs/- this is human nature. In E1 I was Detective and chosen as the X. When we finished recording that ep, I told my PD: “It was fun, but I didn’t have any sense of experiencing it for myself. I didn’t have that motivation to solve the case. I didn’t get to experience thesearch and putting the clues together to find the killer.” But let me tell you something about how it was recorded- As the X, I do know who the killer is. But! You still don’t know what the whole story is. The story, modus operandi, timeline, and how the characters are connected- the X does not know any of that. You only know who the killer is, that’s it. You don’t know the motive or how the deed was done. So on that part, there is some sense of participation, as you’re solving the case along with everyone else. We find the clues, connect them together, and finally see the whole picture before voting for we think the killer is.

LYN: The Director is calling me for overtime. I won’t be going, Director. Thanks for your hard work. 

LYN: Then, in E2 I was Detective AND X AGAIN. So I told my PD, /smug/humble/ “Why did they pick me again? It’s like I can’t even play to my fullest. It’s a little boring.” By E3, I was Detective & X again, and I knew who the killer was, so I felt a little discouraged. /sigh/ I was originally planning on to take it by storm, but I felt that I was limited by the knowledge. I wanted to show off my strong reasoning skills and the limits of my intelligence but as the X I had to protect the killer. Therefore, I could not properly come to the right conclusions. In E4- you’ve already seen it, as it’s finished airing. Later- I finally become just a “commoner”. I was so happy. LYN: They will tell you your identity beforehand: if you are the detective, commoner- actually there is no “commoner” but rather the rest of us are “suspects”- or killer. Finally one day I became the commoner/suspect. I was so excited. It was like I got a pump of chicken blood (expression to express insanity or excitement). When I got to the set and for example:

- Saw ZLH- I said, “小杀手~” (xiǎo shāshǒu - means “little killer”, it became a sort of term of endearment on the show) “Today I’ll be- /makes the watching you gesture/- keeping my eyes on you~” “You’re a little strange today, ZLH.” “I called you out and you didn’t refute.” - Later Reba walks in. “Ba-jie… you’re not normal today.” :) “Oh, you are normal?” “I’m not crazy, no. I’m just… testing you.” “It seems you’re not very suspicious today.” - Later, BY comes in. “Lao Bai, are you the killer today?” “You are? Stop joking! The show wouldn’t dare to give you such an important position. We also have a new friend today. There’s no way you can be the killer. You’re not worthy. ” - Later, ZKY comes in. “Keyu.” “I called you, how could you not hear me?? Were you too busy memorizing the killer’s script?” “There’s something wrong with you today. Something very wrong with you today!” “Watch out, Ning-ge will be keeping his eye on you.” “You’d better be careful!” - Later, Jin Jing. “Hello, hello~ You’re shooting with us today?” “Are you the murderer, JJ?” JJ: “Why would you think I’m the killer.” “I’ll tell you why: because you are someone who records variety shows often. But since you’re here, on your first episode, the program would definitely give you some sort of special identity so you can experience being the killer. They will assume that we would never think that they’d give a new player an identity. I’m sure that’s what they’re thinking.” “Watch out. Ning-ge is watching you~”

LYN: I was super excited that day. LYN: And in the end, I guessed wrong. I thought I was so smart! But at the end of the day I voted for the wrong person. How outrageous!! LYN: After recording that day, I felt even worse. I was SO confident. “Little Killer. Let me tell you- I’m set on you as my killer. Don’t try to explain. Okay, fine. I’ll give you a chance. Let me hear what you have to say.” They say a bunch. I refute. “Keep talking.” They say, “Ning-ge, why do you think it’s me?” I say, “You don’t need to try to make excuses. Don’t try to make me pity you. It’s definitely you.” I voted wrong. LYN: I thought I was invincible, but at the end I was even more dispirited. Seems like it really isn’t easy to pick correctly… 

C: Spoilers! LYN: No- when you watch it, then you’ll realize whether I really gave spoilers or not. LYN: That experience made me realize it was better off being the X. /pause/ Not really. It’s fine being a “commoner” too. I’m better at stories that take place within reality. I’m not as good this season because I have a strong sense of logic, but a lot of the stories this season are… how do you call it?? Alternate reality. The first season didn’t have things like infinite loops, time travel, aliens, etc. I’m not well-versed in these types of scripts. I CAN understand, but I am better at the logistical side of things. 

C: Infinite loop. LYN: I did think of it, but it’s not something you can be certain of. It adds too many variables. If you think it’s a time loop, it might not be. But if it were to take place within reality, that’s not even a direction you have to think about. You’d only have to think about motive, and how the act was conducted.

C: Are the snacks tasty? LYN: Yes, they were all quite tasty.

C: What does the suannai geda (nai lao) taste like? LYN: First, you need to open up all your tastebuds. Before you eat it, it would be best to have a drink of clear water. To clear other flavors from your mouth. The moment you put the sour milk on your tongue, you will be able to taste the flavor of the sour milk. Suannai geda tastes like suannai geda. What did you expect? Would it taste like daikon?

C: Did you like it? LYN: Um… it’s an acquired taste? Some people like douzhi, but others can’t drink it/aren’t accustomed to the taste. If you like it, you will like it. If you don’t, then you don’t. So, does it taste good? If you think it’s good, it’s good. If you don’t think it’s good, then it’s not. LYN: /laughs at himself/ I can’t even believe how much nonsense I am spewing tonight!!  - likens it to stinky tofu- not that that’s what it tastes like- but people who like it, like it. People who don’t want to throw up at the smell of it. Depends on personal preference.

C: Ning-ge, everything you’re saying today is nonsense. LYN: That’s right! It’s not that I’m making a lot of noise. 1 minute on stage is 60 seconds off stage. [t/n: ??] Right? It’s not as simple as you think.

C: Ning-ge, I knew you would say that. LYN: I can’t believe you guessed right. Let me do something now that you will definitely never guess.  LYN: I hope you had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. Let’s meet again in the next stream~ Goodnight, everyone! LYN: If you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo, please do so. It’s about time (to go). I’ll go wash up, do some homework for tomorrow’s scenes, then I’ll go to sleep. Okay? Goodnight, everyone. LYN: You didn’t see that coming did you? 🙂 LYN: Goodnight. Bye, bye.

[lgbtqmanga]

New Releases August 6, 2024

Crossplay Love: Otaku × Punk (manga) vol. 9 by Toru

When Hanayama gets his hands on some erroneous information, he mistakenly assumes that Yuuma is a close friend of Shuumei's and kidnaps him to exact his revenge! It's not like Yuuma means anything to Shuumei, so what will Shuumei do when he finds out?! When a case of mistaken identity goes this wrong, surely something else is bound to slip!

The Disabled Tyrant's Beloved Pet Fish: Canji Baojun De Zhangxin Yu Chong (novel) vol. 2 by Xue Shan Fei Hu

Li Yu is settling into life in the lap of luxury as Prince Jing’s spoiled pet, especially now that he can turn back into a human once a day. Prince Jing seems infatuated with Li Yu’s human form, and romance begins to swell between the two men. Yet the secret of Li Yu’s identity lurks beneath the surface of their bubbly relationship. Meanwhile, there are bigger fish to fry in the Imperial Court. It seems like every time Li Yu smacks down one of Prince Jing’s scheming brothers, another one emerges to plot against him! It’s up to Li Yu to make sure his handsome prince gets the happy ending he deserves. But will Li Yu himself be part of the Prince’s future?

No Love Zone (manhwa) vol. 1 by Danbi

It’s been about a year since Lee Eun-gyeom started working at his office job. He’s outgoing and gets along well with his co-workers, but his success with romantic relationships is less than stellar, especially since he tends to fall hard and fast based on looks alone. History seems poised to repeat itself in the form of his new boss, Han Jihyuk. The handsome Han Jihyuk is exactly Lee Eun-gyeom’s type, but his personality is a total turn-off as he proceeds to work Lee Eun-gyeom to the bone. The more aggravated Lee Eun-gyeom feels, the more he can’t get Han Jihyuk off his mind. Could this heated attraction be mutual?

[meyhew]

10 mutuals you were thankful for this year and why. Go!

only 10 is so mean why would u do that

@malinaa @bluepinstripes @bipercabeth @thegraystreaks @chroiagusanam @wasithard @autumnmuses annie, liz, jade: u all count as 1 person for obvious reasons. and im thankful for obvious reasons duh

@ttimbradford: for leaving twitter, coming back here, and picking up right where we left off

@delicatepointofview: this website would be nearly unbearable without ingrid fr she's always the most calming presence in almost every situation. not to mention all the gifs she's made for me any time i've asked AND @tomlinsun: what would rosesau be without claudia. nothing. go look at my header again

@pop-punklouis: i went and typed aliensyndrome bc muscle memory and was So incredibly confused when nothing popped up. anyway hope's a gem whom i can always count on being there for me

@maltruenorth & @akasakasads: ant & ali also count as one and why would they not be on here. i love them

@yellowwperil: shannon & i go wayyyy back i didnt even know half my mutuals when shan and i became friends. and almost everyone from Those fandoms is gone now too but we're still here. and now i also have @hazystars in my life bc of them <3

@matchingbees: i will always and always be thankful to have mery in life

@finexbright: for reading my words and thinking theyre good and Telling me that

@oceaneyes: sophie is so fucking funny you guys don't even know what you're missing out on (u know where) and i also love when we hang out

@jaanlouis: jess and i have had a real will-they-won't-they friendship arc but she rly is my safe haven when it comes to certain 1d things i'd go insane if she didnt let me vent to her

[itsjaywalkers]

hi laurie baby for the ask game: ❄️🔪🍬 MWAH

hi india my love <33 MWAHHH

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

goddd this is such a difficult question bc i love a lot of different plots, and sometimes i even end up enjoying things i usually don't like??

i'm always down for anything horror!! or with ghosts!! i'm the biggest fan of ghosts.. i also love romcoms in general but i'm especially fond of?? dark-ish romcoms?? as in . when they're surprisingly angsty and the conflict is more complicated and/or fucked up than usual

as for who would write it best.. any of my lovely mutuals would do an amazing job <3 i'm vvvvv obsessed with dil's writing so they'd be my first option i think, but i always trust mil when it comes to romcoms and you when it comes to making said romcoms angstier!!

also shan would be perfect for a gorey, scary fic + i eat up absolutely everything ino and lune come up with, even when it's the nichest topics i've never heard about

but i could go on and on, really. bc i fucking adore jen and kara and lane's writing too.. etc etc. what can i say im mutuals with such talented ppl <3

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

hmm i'm not sure?? i don't think many things are genuinely weird.. maybe when i read about possible consequences of wound fingering/fucking for all the violence lmao. or different types of torture and the effect they could have in the human body

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

i don't know how unpopular these are tbh but hmm let's see. remus and regulus would never get along, and the marauder reg would like the most is probs peter. remus is plain + weird-looking. pandora's personality is NOT the same as luna's (c'mon that mf blew herself up she was unhinged). regulus isn't as good as most ppl make him out to be, just like he isn't as bad as other ppl make him out to be (i see him as someone who was very ambivalent about blood purity and it's one of the main things that make him interesting . to me). i don't tend to include dorcas as part of the slytherins simply bc my dorcas wouldn't get along with barty + evan (mostly in a canon context) but i do think she'd be friends with reg and hang out with him and his friends occasionally. none of them would listen to taylor swift

and i think that's enough

writer truth & dare

[the-music-maniac]

You ever notice how similar Xie Wang and Han Ying’s stories and character arcs are?

A warning here that this contains spoilers for all of Word of Honor/Shan He Ling. Stop reading now, I reference a ton of shit.

.

.

.

.

I was actually discussing a couple fic ideas with a friend a few weeks ago, and I got to wondering after thinking about those parallels I could see -

Does Han Ying x Xie Wang exist as a ship?? Is that a thing?? That exists?? Can it please exist??

It has so much potential. There's so many narrative parallels with these two characters.

They're two people who deserved better than their respective endings, who never got what they wanted, because of the manipulation of men who wanted power and would stop at nothing to get it (Jin Wang and Zhao Jing). The manipulation of those who saw them as less then what they were.

They also have similarities in their relationships with their "mentor figures" - Han Ying and Zhou Zishu, and Xie Wang and Zhao Jing. They have quite a lot of differences too, enough that their lives parallel each other instead of mirror, and I just think that their personal experiences could make for a very compelling storyline if these two were to interact. It would be an interesting road to a development of a potential relationship, and moreover an opportunity for both of them to learn from the other and heal.

And real talk? I just want the both of them to be happy tbh (and of course that obviously doesn't need to involve a romantic relationship - I just have no self control. I'd be just as ecstatic about a really good friendship though).

I also know they never interact in the drama - but then again these two are also literally dead in the drama. Reality is what you make it 🤣🤣. And considering how close the Scorpion was working with Tian Chuang - honestly I'm pretty sure you can't really say they haven't met either.

So anyways, I guess reasons why I think this would be a good ship dynamic:

First of all, their relations with their mentors and how it's similar to each other and also not. The resulting potential for mutual support:

Han Ying's dearest wish is to be a disciple of Zhou Zishu's, as he says plainly in that one episode.

The thing is, there could be quite a lot of subtext taken from that - I've read interpretations that he's in love with Zhou Zishu, or at least has romantic feelings for him - a strong crush possibly - which I can plausibly see (I can also see it just being platonic, which I will talk about later). But yeah, a romantic interpretation just because of how strong his devotion towards Zhou Zishu is. The wistful looks?????

In that kind of situation, IF the romantic feelings are two-sided instead of one-sided - which I would like to go on the record and say that with Han Ying and Zhou Zishu, I don't believe it is - and as a result actually becomes something, that type of relationship would not be the most healthy, because there's a very strong imbalance of power. Even if the mentor figure genuinely cares and actively minds the mentee's feelings - the mentee still undeniably has that level of hero worship - it won't ever be equal. We can see that already in Han Ying's case, Zhou Zishu repeatedly tells him to stop treating him with so much formality because he's not the leader anymore and yet Han Ying still remains deferential.

In that interpretation, if that were the case of it being two sided - Han Ying would have quite a lot of similarity of experience to Xie Wang's relation to Zhao Jing -

And here I can talk about how Xie Wang and Zhao Jing's relationship is uh. Kinda sus tbh. Like. That doesn't look like a healthy or platonic father-son relationship and it gives me the creeps. In Xie Wang and Zhao Jing's relationship, I'm more inclined to believe there's some semi-incestous yifu fucking going on than anything platonic, there's just so many sus moments - and if I'm not mistaken they dubbed over a line in the show where it was basically stated plainly that it's not a platonic relationship. Or at least - Xie Wang doesn't view Zhao Jing platonically (and I don't believe Zhao Jing discourages it at all, if anything he actively encourages and guides it to make Xie Wang dependent on him). So we got another setup where it's potentially one sided romantic feelings/hero worship. Or maybe two sided for them, who knows.

But the thing is, while I talked about unhealthy romantic relationships in my section about Han Ying, a fundamental difference between Xie Wang and Han Ying's relationships with their mentors is that Zhou Zishu's relationship with Han Ying would be a lot healthier. A LOT healthier. So much fucking healthier, I cannot emphasis that enough. And that's mostly because their relationship is not two-sided, and because he sees Han Ying as a person.

He cares about Han Ying a lot but not as anything beyond platonic - he views him as a student and a subordinate and protects him as such. Han Ying on the other hand could have romantic feelings for Zhou Zishu. Not in love per se, it feels to me like it could be a mix of a really strong crush with really strong hero worship. I don't think Han Ying truly knows Zhou Zishu's other aspects of personality (yet?? I guess because if we're gonna hypothetically bring both Han Ying and Xie Wang back to life he probably will eventually get to know Zhou Zishu properly), because I doubt he ever showed anything beyond his stern assassin leader type of persona to his subordinates. He was likely caring yes, but in a way that keeps people at a distance. So, a mentor-mentee type of relationship where Han Ying could be crushing quite hard on Zhou Zishu. But still a healthy one, as Zhou Zishu, one - doesn't intend to pursue a romantic relationship with Han Ying - and moreover, although might know about his feelings, or his devotion at least(tbh you'd have to be blind not to), he treats them, and him, with respect. He doesn't try and manipulate Han Ying, or use his emotions for his own purposes. He sees Han Ying as his own person. His affection and regards towards Han Ying remains unconditional, even if Han Ying messes up or doesn't follow instructions. Instructions that, btw, repeatedly try to keep Han Ying out of the line of fire, and makes it clear that Han Ying is to put himself first.

Everything Zhao Jing does however is solely to cripple Xie Wang and make him wholly dependent on him. He's been grooming Xie Wang from such a young age, and his positive regard and care is ALWAYS conditional. As soon as Xie Wang messes up, he takes it away as punishment, and because of how Zhao Jing's made himself the center of Xie Wang's world, that action is devastating to him. He subtly encourages and toys with Xie Wang's regard for him for his own purposes, he tries to make Xie Wang jealous so he works twice as hard to earn back Zhao Jing's attention. And as we see with his intention to eventually discard Xie Wang as soon as he is no longer useful - he doesn't view Xie Wang as a person. He's merely another tool in his arsenal.

The reason why I wrote such a long ass analysis about the similarities and differences between Xie Wang and Han Ying's relationships is because as I mentioned before, one reason I think this would be a pretty interesting ship and dynamic is how these two could help each other. At first, it might be more Han Ying helping Xie Wang.

Xie Wang hasn't ever experienced what a proper and healthy guardian type relationship is like, or even what it means for someone to choose him first. He's a victim of abuse, and should he manage to survive the avalanche at the end of the show, there is potential for him to start to undo all the damage that Zhao Jing has inflicted on him all those years, especially if the man is truly no longer around. And I think Han Ying would be in a very good position to offer him support in that journey. Moreover, if Han Ying has had an experience similar to that, it could be the reason he would want to offer support to Xie Wang. He's experienced a lot of what Xie Wang has experienced, but he's also seen what it is for someone to genuinely care about him, and as a result likely has a more healthy view on that type of relationship. They're similar enough for Xie Wang to potentially not want to push Han Ying away if he ever offers his help, but also dissimilar enough that Han Ying could offer new avenues of thought.

At the same time, if you just read Han Ying and Zhou Zishu's relationship as a really strong type of hero worship, this dynamic could make sense too. Han Ying clearly looks up to Zhou Zishu quite a lot, and on top of that, Zhou Zishu in a way represents everything Han Ying has wanted and couldn't have - aka a family and a mentor figure and a home to call his own. Regardless of if it's purely platonic or not, it's still an infinitely healthier relationship, a parallel to Xie Wang's experience, so the potential of the offer of support remains the same.

Second of all, similarity in origin and life experiences, which is a small thing tbh but still an important thing:

Han Ying is someone I don't know a lot of background on tbh - I presume he doesn't have a family anymore, and somehow ended up in the Window of Heaven. I've read fics where Zhou Zishu was the one to save him at some point and offer him a position in the assassin group, and I'm inclined to take that as a plausible head canon (unless it's actually canon, idk I haven't read tyk yet).

So, in bare bones, he's an orphan who is taken in by a mentor figure, and becomes a high ranking member of an assassin group.

Xie Wang is also someone who no longer has a family - we don't know that much about his background either, but I presume he was happened upon by Zhao Jing in some way - I'm not sure at what age tbh, is it assumed that he was raised by him?? Or maybe in teenage years??

Whatever it happens to be, Xie Wang was taken in, maybe even "saved" by (although if you ask me, he'd be better off without) Zhao Jing.

So in essence it is the same thing as Han Ying's experiences, an orphan who is taken in by a mentor figure, and becomes a high ranking (or the leader of) an assassin group.

And not only that, as I mentioned from the beginning, these two both realize and know, eventually, that they’re being used by men who are desperate for power (Jin Wang, Zhao Jing).

I mention this actually as just an extension of my first point, because while I mentioned that Han Ying very obviously can support Xie Wang in that particular “past grooming and abuse” aspect, there are probably still many hidden traumas and scars for these two from the lives they’ve both lead. Their similar experiences lead to similar choices which helped shape who they are, and as a result, I think these two could truly understand each other and where they’re coming from.

Their personalities would fit pretty well with each other. I think:

I don’t know if my interpretation on how these two are is accurate tbh, so feel free to let me know if you think it’s out of character.

To me, Han Ying seems like someone who would be pretty calm around the people he cares about; responsible, smart, eager to learn, with a steady sort of presence. He seems like someone who would wear their heart on their sleeve around people he trusts too, but not in any overtly obvious way. I think the reason why I get that impression is that, upon rewatch, I could plainly see his worry about Zhou Zishu in episode one, but when I first started the show, I somehow missed it entirely. Han Ying also didn’t show any qualms about admitting to Chengling that he wants to be Zhou Zishu’s disciple - which can be a very personal piece of info. The way he was around Zhou Zishu, and Wen Kexing also gave off an air of innocent eagerness to do well in his accomplishments and for approval. I’m not saying he’s always like this, because I’m rather certain he has a darker side too - as we see with all the characters, no one is without their traumas and no one is without artifice or without complexity. They’re all grey moral in a very human way, and Han Ying is no different. We’ve seen before too that once he’s got his game face on, the man is pretty competent and also ruthless (his conversation with Gao Chong for example) - I don’t think he could be any less if he’s that high up in the Tianchuang hierarchy. But at the same time I can also see him being a bit of a very subtle disaster (almost?? Slightly dorky??) in certain situations, and we can see that kind of peek through when Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing hijacked his kidnapping attempt and he was kind of like uhh. Okay so, I’m in a choke hold, I think that might be my former commander, so like. Let them go. It’s actually really funny cause while Wen Kexing was telling Gao Chong and Chengling to hurry up and leave, I swear you could see Han Ying contemplating his entire life.

The face of a man confuzzled.

Xie Wang on the other hand, is someone that’s more impulsive, liable to push or be mischievous, less of a steady personality and more like - for lack of better word - an absolute gremlin. A pretty murderous one. It’s a bit hard to tell all aspects of how Xie Wang is tbh, since he has many different mannerisms while talking to different people. With Zhao Jing he has a very subservient, almost dutiful, childlike and innocent air about him, and a sort of. Sa jiao (撒娇) type of demeanor. He craves approval from Zhao Jing, and is just generally very baby around him, and I’m really not sure how much of that is how he actually is and how much of that is him learning that this is the best way to get Zhao Jing’s attention. And tbh I don’t think all of that is grooming, I think Xie Wang probably does have the potential to be as soft or as innocently childlike and happy with others he cares about (just hopefully in a lot healthier way). I think we see his soft side a little with Qianqiao when he gives her the cure. Despite that though, we can still see other aspects of him surface. He makes suggestions and pushes when he thinks Zhao Jing’s refusals are unreasonable, he just goes and does his own thing sometimes (um usually murderous things. Like when he killed Song Huai Ren and told Zhao Jing he’s a traitor). He’s mischievous about some of his actions (after literally stabbing a man, ‘what? he said I should kill him if I have the ability’). He’s a lot more obviously gritty and aggressive and morally grey than Han Ying appears, which I think adds dimension to his character when added in with everything else. He’s also very smart, competent, ruthless - obviously since he runs the Scorpion, but he’s surprisingly fair and almost? Honourable? In certain aspects? And like Han Ying, he does somewhat wear his heart on his sleeve, retains that eagerness to do well and is somehow not as jaded as he could be, as he still finds the capacity to eventually care for a stranger (Liu Qianqiao). 

I may be oversimplifying how these two could be, but with their personality types I think they have a lot of potential both in a romantic relationship or as close friends. And in a way that at first glance would probably be puzzling - how in the hell did these two become friends/get together (lmao you’ll see Han Ying in his rather sensible disciple robes and then Xie Wang is just there in his braids, dramatic black outfits, winged eyeliner, etc. 🤣🤣😅😅) but on closer thought, makes sense. Han Ying could be a more steadying presence for Xie Wang, and Xie Wang in turn could help him loosen up a bit more. (That’s kind of oversimplifying it but it’s 5 am where I am rn and I’m too tired to elaborate) I also believe Xie Wang might push Han Ying to be more ambitious, be able to do things for himself more - because Xie Wang went through a process of, everything I do is for someone else, until I realized they were using me, and now I’m going to do it for myself. In that way they could potentially push each other to higher heights in what they do, and they are pretty similar in ideology and morals and previous actions. They both have blood on their hands, and they’re not afraid to be ruthless or do what’s necessary to get the job done. They have their traumas, their complexities and an understanding of what it’s like to put on masks for different people.

The potential for found family. All the found family. Gimme:

This one I feel like is more obvious and changes some things about canon, but the timeline I imagine for if Xie Wang x Han Ying would be a plausible ship is one where Han Ying survives the stealing of the fake glazed armour incident and becomes one of the disciples of Siji (second disciple of the sixth generation????). Everything else would likely proceed in a very similar way (although in this au in my mind Gu Xiang and Cao Weining are alive). And then during the avalanche incident, with WenZhou trapped in the armoury, Xie Wang ends up surviving and they end up finding him somehow.

Whether or not it’d be out of character for WenZhou to save him I think could be explored, but the bottom line is that eventually they would probably take him back to Siji. There, whether him meeting Han Ying goes smoothly or not is up to interpretation - I very much doubt it would be an amiable meeting tbh - in fact I fully imagine it to be antagonistic af at first, considering what opposing groups they used to be a part of and the knowledge of how deadly the other can be - trust would be hard to come by, which makes a slow development all the more interesting. And moreover them becoming friends or dating would likely help Xie Wang into the dynamic at Siji because now there’s a more tangible connection between him and the place, and I can see while he’s getting to know all the people of Siji, eventually thinking of them as family as well.  And Han Ying in turn gets another person who cares about him, and for him to care about.

I’ll be honest here and say that I don’t particularly care at this point how realistic or in character it all would be -  I need found family in my life I have no self control. Xie Wang and Han Ying my beloveds needs all the good things.

Another possible meeting is just Han Ying being sent to negotiate with the Scorpions instead of Duan Pengju (is that how it went? I’ll admit I’m a little fuzzy on plot points here) and meeting each other that way. There could be moments of understanding while working together, an inevitable kinda separation, and eventually seeing each other again at Siji, after all the shitshow is over. The development could continue from there.

The closer age gap:

I’d like to preface this part with a disclaimer that I’m not trying to bash any other ships that are out there, this is actually just entirely my personal preference.

I don’t really like big age gaps in my ships unless their both established adults - for example in their 30's 40's, even 50's. Even if one of them remains young in body, it’s just not a dynamic I generally like. The most popular ship that comes to mind here is Ye Baiyi x Xie Wang - and all the more power to you if you do ship it tbh, I can see it being really adorable and healing for the both of them, especially since Ye Baiyi never really gets a happy ending either (and he absolutely deserves one 😤😤😤) - but that as a ship dynamic is personally not for me, especially after Xie Wang’s kinda hinted relationship with another man that’s also older than him. Ye Baiyi obviously is ten million times the man Zhao Jing could ever be, and it would be an infinitely healthier relationship anyway, but yeah the age gap thing is just my personal bias.

So I don’t know, I appreciate that Han Ying and Xie Wang are both closer in age to each other. I know there aren’t confirmed ages (I think?) but if I had to take a guess, I’d say I think both of them are probably in their early to mid twenties.

Anyways, it’s literally 5:43 am now where I am, so I think I’m gonna end this way too long post and pass out. Honestly, I’m not even sure if this thing is coherent anymore, I’m half delirious with exhaustion while writing this. I might possibly write a fic or do something about this Xie Wang x Han Ying ship, I might not, but I just wanted to get it out there. It’s a cute idea.

Oh god my eyeballs are burning. Cheers, goodnight.

[blueburds-but-swtor]

The Path Ahead; part 4

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

Finally giving Altrethir and Ashara more well-deserved time together! I had fun with this chapter and spent a little extra time tweaking it. Hope yall like it <3

“I sense your uneasiness, Altrethir,” said Ashara, breaking the silence of their meditation. As he gave her no immediate reply, she took the opportunity to pry further. “You didn’t just ask me to join you for meditation.”

“You are correct,” Altrethir murmured as his eyes slowly opened. “This was our only means to get away from the base without drawing suspicion.”

Ashara’s brows furrowed, “Suspicion?”

“I would like to hear your thoughts on a concerning matter.”

“If it’s whatever’s troubling you, then absolutely.”

Altrethir exhaled a deep sigh from his nose, shifting atop his knees. “The traitor within our ranks: I have them narrowed down to a small list of individuals.”

“You must have been working hard. It’s been less than a week since the whole incident on Iokath.”

“I have spent every free moment of my time investigating.” All things considered, it was quite obvious who this traitor was. Still Altrethir’s gut churned with every piece of evidence he collected.

“Who’ve you narrowed it down to?” Ashara asked.

“The only individuals who were directly involved with the superweapon scheme: Empress Acina, Lana, and Theron.”

“Acina has a history of being deceitful and manipulative. It’s got to be her.” Ashara then gestured to him, “Maybe Thexia isn’t the ally she preferred. Her loyalty to the Empire was put into question in the past, but yours never was.”

“You suggest that Thexia has grown to be too much of a wild card for Acina’s own comfort?”

“In a sense.”

“I do not believe loyalty is what concerns the Empress, rather, she seeks powerful allies. Allies who both benefit from a mutual goal, not particularly loyal to one another. Thexia and I both hold substantial amounts of power; physically and figuratively. Eliminating one of us would have no benefit to her, nor the Empire.” Altrethir glanced to his friend, her brows furrowed and lips pressed thinly in thought. “The reason for this incident,” he continued, “I believe goes beyond mere faction wars.

“You understand that this matter was only to be kept between Thexia, Lana and Theron, but Theron enlightened me of the situation regardless. Thus, I have only received his end of the story. He claimed to have been fixing a power cable in the eastern hallway at the time of the attack.”  

Altrethir retrieved his holodevice and produced an image. Ashara looked to it, observing the angles as it slowly spun. “The power cable in question,” Altrethir elaborated, “claimed to have been damaged by the droids. It has been sliced through with a blade.”

“What type of weapons did the droids use?” Ashara said, catching on.

“Vibroknives, conveniently. But the width and depth of the cuts are what caught my attention.” Altrethir then opened his backpack and pulled out a vibroknife. “Taken from one of the droids in the control room. I inspected every one of their knives, concluding that they were all identical. The blades are long and thin,” he traced the blunt end of the knife with his finger for emphasis, “but the cuts are short and wider.”

Ashara observed the knife and the holo image. Granted, it was difficult to truly determine the damage from a mere image. “So one of the droids didn’t damage the cable. It was the assassin, then? They were trying to create a distraction to draw Theron out?”

“In some manner, yes. Contrary to Theron’s claims, the droids were not the ones who destroyed the cables. That much is true. I also investigated the superweapon’s systems—as much as I could, anyway. I had difficulty sifting through the fried circuits, but I digress.” Altrethir then pulled out his datapad and scrolled through his notes. “The coding the droids of Iokath use follow its own self-created programing. Thankfully, SCORPIO left enough of the coding within the Gravestone for me to begin understanding it.”

Coding and slicing were never his strong suits, but over the course of time he spent with Theron, he’d learned the basics and more. He understood where to start and what to look for between the lines.

“When the superweapon charges up, the room undergoes an intense lockdown protocol. Nothing may enter or exit. Only the GEMINI droids, even ARIES, could override the system.  

“But there aren’t any GEMINI droids on Iokath?”

“No,” Altrethir muttered disdainfully. He briefly recalled the event in which Thexia cut down SCORPIO before she could merge into the planet’s system. Truthfully, he thought, that was the reason Iokath had become as chaotic as it was now: it lacked coordination, a sole voice to listen to. The droids ran without guidance or goals. While SCORPIO wasn’t one to be trusted, at least she could have kept the droids under control.

“Even if there was another way to override the programing, it was never tampered with. Here,” he gestured to a line of code that he highlighted in his notes. “There is never any implication that security protocols were lifted. Meaning our suspects are those who were already inside the control room when the assassin struck.”

“So the assassin was already waiting when they arrived,” Ashara said in slow understanding.

“Perhaps. In regard to the self-defense system, here,” Altrethir turned to another page of notes. “Six battle droids are to awaken and eliminate the threat of any tampering with the terminal. Meaning that when the control terminal is damaged or at risk of being harmed—or perhaps if it is already damaged—the droids engage. Theron said he was fighting droids while Thexia was already conversing with the superweapon.

“He did not mention fighting droids when they both entered the chambers, but I do not believe they did. I can recognize remnants of Thexia’s fighting in a heartbeat; not a single one of those droids were sliced in half, decapitated, or crushed by means of the Force. And thus, Theron’s claims contradict the programing of the superweapon.

“Our traitor is no one else than my dear Agent Shan.”

Ashara blinked. Her gut tightened, knowing what significant pain her friend must have felt. “I see why you’re so uneasy now,” she muttered. “I’m sorry, Altrethir. Have you felt his guilt through the Force?”

“Not much. He’s masked his emotions well over the past few days, further drawing my suspicion. Coupled with the evidence, our traitor can be only him.” Altrethir leaned forward, bringing a hand to his mouth then drawing his fingers down his chin in thought. “But my involvement in everything was intentional. He brought the matter to my attention, after all. I fail to yet understand why.”

“The SIS had him on all sorts of undercover missions, right? Maybe he has to keep extra quiet about this one.”

“The SIS has not recruited him for such a mission.”

“How do you know?”

Altrethir hesitated. He glanced to Ashara but kept his head in place. “They already have an agent of the Republic working undercover for them. They wouldn’t require another, not one to do something as drastic as this.”

“What are you talking about?” She kept her voice low but there was eagerness in her tone.

“I allied myself with the Republic. I refuse to become a slave to the Empire again. My agreement in joining Acina was a ruse. But, for now, I work in absolute secrecy for the Republic. I trust you, Ashara, as I have for many years. You must not tell anyone else. Not even your own allies of the Republic, and especially no one else from our old crew.”

Her expression was one of pleasant surprise. A short huff of a laugh escaped her lips as if in disbelief. She gave a quick shake of her head and a shrug of her shoulders, “You’re for real? I mean—stars, I’m relieved that you’re not returning to the Empire. But to join the Republic? How did you manage to convince them?”

“I shall tell you someday in a more secure setting. That is where I would like to drop the matter, please.”

“Of course. So, Theron,” her smile slowly faded. “He’s pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes but yours. What are you going to do about him?”

“I shall continue things as normal. Outing him directly as a traitor will not end well for anyone. I do not believe his intentions are malicious; his assassination attempt on Thexia was orchestrated to be non-lethal. The voltage the superweapon produced was created to short-circuit droids, not to kill humanoids. This was intentional.”

“He’s still on our side.”

“Yes. There is a deeper layer of this situation that I’ve yet to uncover. I shall remain ever observant. And I would like for you to as well, Ashara.”

[potahun]

Personal top 5 in Wo Men De Ge  / Our Songs, Season 1

After finishing all 12 eps of the 1st season of  “Wo Men De Ge” / “Our Songs”, I am listing my personal top 5 pairs of “Young Singer x Old but Gold Singer” teams in the show, mostly just to have an excuse to gush and recommend some of my favourite performances from this beautiful, beautiful music show. 

5. Xiao Zhan x Na Ying (and Angela Chang) - Team: Na Zhan Dui

What I really liked about them: The fact that they challenged many styles! Perhaps it’s because Xiao Zhan is currently an actor and not specialised in any music type, but their performances were among the most diverse. They did rock, disco, old Chinese classics...Singing-wise, Xiao Zhan does nice switches to falsetto, Na Ying’s voice is broad and with its own feel, and Angela Chang who replaced NY for a few eps has such a special and beautiful voice ugh. But what I liked most about them is probably Na Ying herself. Her outspoken personality and sense rly got to me and she was my favourite “Model Singer” in Group B. She was also so open to accompanying XZ in trying new styles and to put an emphasis on performance (as in, the visual aspect of it) to help XZ out. I think for someone who’s not currently a singer, he got very lucky she was his partner. 

What I found to be a pity: Xiao Zhan sings pretty nicely, but it’s true that when you have Ayanga and Zhou Shen next door, it’s pretty hard for his voice to stand out. A few times, I found myself feeling like Na Ying or Angela was carrying the song single-handedly and couldn’t rly notice his voice anymore. Angela’s voice especially stands out, so sometimes, it feels like what I remember most from Na Zhan Dui performances is Angela’s great voice and the visual effects. Also, maybe it’s because he has to manage his image a bit more than the other young artists, but Xiao Zhan did come across as quite nervous during the entire show, including during many of the performances. If you only watch him based on this show, he comes across as just a very polite young person (with a pleasant voice). 

Favorite performance(s) from them: 

Gen Zhe Gan Jue Zou / Going with the Feeling (not rly a performance but the song with which NY and XZ got “blindly” paired up, and somehow the song in which he was the most relaxed imo)

Jun Gang Zhi Ye / A Night at the Naval Port (classic lovely song. Imo it was the song in which their voices matched up most seamlessly)

4. Xiao Gui x Luo Qi - Team: Wang Zha 

What I really liked about them: I knew neither of them before the show, but felt like this team truly tried to make a new sound each time and to mix modern elements into old songs (which fits perfectly with the show’s theme). Luo Qi is so open to Xiao Gui’s suggestions and so humble about trying things outside her comfort zone, even though she is the senior. They also had a really nice old sister-little brother relationship, full of mutual respect, and it was kind of refreshing to have the young artist be like ‘it’s ok, it’s ok’ and being the encouraging or optimistic one in the team. Among the younger artists, Xiao Gui is the only rapper, so being on this show could be pretty challenging but Luo Qi being so open to trying new things made it work. She really went outside her comfort zone, and I loved this team for it. They are also both really pleasant - mostly quiet but polite and comfortable. All-round lovely pair. 

What I found to be a pity: In a way, because Luo Qi was so accommodating and humble, sometimes it felt like Xiao Gui might have overpushed her a bit? Perhaps he could have been a tad more considerate, but we don’t see much of their interactions and overall they do seem like they have a good relationship. 

Favorite performance(s) from them: Hui Lai / Come Back (the way the rap got mixed into this song feels so very natural) 

3. Ayanga x Fei Yuqing - Team: (God Xiao Ge team names are hard to remember) Yun Dan Feng Qing 

What I really liked about them: Well of course, the voices and the singing technique. haha I did not know Ayanga before this show, but HOLY SHIT. Not a musical actor for nothing. HE CAN SING. And he can sing so many styles, too. He is GOOD. Watching them, I thought, shit, among all the young artists we saw, only he could have been paired up with a senior like Fei Yuqing (and perhaps Zhou Shen, but we’ll come to him later). Their voices are distinctive, but the style in which they sing have certain similarities, so they match quite well. Basically, this is a team based on talent, skills and experience. They only sing songs that sound like classics but holy fucking shit, I loved the way they sang them. Other than the singing - and this is not a team thing - but I was rly surprised to find out that Fei Yuqing was quite funny. Individually speaking, both he and Ayanga were entertaining while remaining ever so pleasant. They were real pleasures to watch. 

What I found to be a pity: I thought there was a lack of team chemistry, which could be in part due to how they got paired up, but yeah, they just never really felt like a team, more like two very polite and courteous singers who decided to work together for a few performances. Also, I am absolutely not surprised by it, but I guess, since it’s the Fei Yuqing, both young artists were fully accommodating him and not the other way round. It is not a bad thing in FYQ’s case because his singing is beautifully amazing and hey its his last show anyway, but it would have been fun to see more sparks here and there.

Favorite performance(s) from them: 

Juan Zhu Lian / Rolling up the Beaded Curtain (haha are you ready for pure skills to fuck you up? I liked Juan Zhu Lian before, but this version is incredible)

Xin Yuan Yang . Hu Die Meng / New Mandarin Duck. Butterfly Dream (again pure skills but also the harmonising. a+++) 

2. Liu Yuning x Ren Xianqi - Team: Jie Tou Pai Dang

What I really liked about them: This team is one of the teams that felt the most like a team. They have similar past experiences and I liked that they had a chill older brother + reserved younger brother chemistry. I also liked that they both seem to be people who are passionate about different aspects of music (like singing yes, but also music arrangement overall). Ren Xianqi was so open to letting Liu Yuning express what he wanted / add in the elements he wanted to each performance, or have LYN’s band be in charge of re-arranging the songs. Before this show, all I knew from Ren Xianqi was his “Xin Tai Ruan”, but I found him so lovely and nice during the whole show! He only had kind praise for all the other artists, was positive throughout, and well, Group A only had lovely "Model Singers”, but RXQ stood out in this respect. He and Liu Yuning had such a comfortable dynamics and many of the songs they sang happen to be all-time favourites of mine so of course bonus points. Singing-wise, I love Liu Yuning’s voice. It’s not like he can hit super high notes or anything, but this guy rly gets the right feeling out of each song through his voice. All in all, I loved the team.

What I found to be a pity: Literally, the only thing I find to be a limiting factor for this team is Ren Xianqi’s voice aaaaa TT. It felt like he struggled a bit at times, and compared to other senior singers, his voice doesn’t have as much of a distinctive feel, which I thought was a pity... Some of his uh...moves during some of the performances also felt a bit old-fashioned, but I think I can live with that.  

Favorite performance(s) from them: 

Tian Ya  (the song...the arrangement...the spirit...the LYN’s singing...)

Ai Jiang Shan Geng Ai Mei Ren (mainly because this song is one of my all-time favourites and you cant go wrong with it, but this is not my favorite rendition of it either)

1. Zhou Shen x Li Keqin - Team: Qin Shen Shen

What I really liked about them: EVERYTHING FUCK HAHA. ok so. I started this show with pretty even feelings for all the teams, but if one team really grabbed my heart from ep. 1 onwards and threw it into the fire pit, it’s these two. GOD Can I even talk about them neutrally?? Chemistry-wise...where did they even get all this chemistry? No one knows. On stage, I don’t know if I’ve heard two voices that match as well as theirs when they harmonise before, but if I did, I don’t remember. Zhou Shen’s voice is high and floating like some kind of ethereal mermaid’s, while Li Keqin’s voice is so stable, so warm it’s the perfect match. But the chemistry off-stage?? It’s even more incredible??? If Liu Yuning and Ren Xianqi are like a pair of older and younger brothers, what are Zhou Shen and Li Keqin? No one knows, and certainly not them. All the terms have been thrown in: match made in heaven, perfect match, a couple that separated and had a child (thanks LKQ) but also father and son, ‘someone who likes music’ (what?)....but basically, everyone on the show agrees that their chemistry is uncanny and it’s not stopping them from continuing with whatever they’re doing. This team basically has it all and they know it: Singing skills and technique? they both have it. Passion for singing? They both have it. Perfect chemistry? They have it. Stellar and complementary sense of comedy and humour? They have it. Theatrical smoke as their only visual effect on stage? They have it (jk). Every episode that they’re on, I am laughing and smiling from ears to ears and thanking the heavens that they got paired up. Why are they like this.

What I found to be a pity: The fact that I can’t buy an album from them as a duo? hahaha OK, perhaps just the fact that they stuck mostly with ballads (except for Ye Lang Disco) and so I would have loved to see more sparks from them. But this complaint is also very empty because it’s not like I didn’t thoroughly enjoy every single ballad they sang...haha haha....Ah, one thing I found to be a veeerrrry slight pity is that, as ZS himself says, he’s quite insecure. In contrast, LKQ is quite optimistic, so it makes for a lot of comedic clashes in this respect (annnnd it becomes a thing I like about them again). OK ok one thing is perhaps that ZS’s jokes can be a little bit borderline, but honestly, they receive each others’ jokes so well it becomes part of their charm and chemistry.........I guess I’m biased....ok....I'll shut up

Favorite performance(s) from them:

Tian Xia You Qing Ren / All the Lovers in the World (oh my God oh my God oh my God thank you Zhou Shen for choosing this song)

Ye Lang Disco / Wild Wolf Disco (?) (BECAUSE THIS IS Qin Shen Shen AT THEIR FINEST: ABSOLUTE DORKS WHO SLAY AT PERFORMING. Na Ying mentioned this as the inspiration for her and Xiao Zhan’s disco challenge, and that’s for a GOOD reason.)

Honestly I thought Zhou Hua Jian should be there somewhere, because I am a HUGE fan of Zhou Hua Jian songs, but I did feel like his performances were a bit...slapdash in this show haha. And Yi Qiao seems very nice but most of the time, I didn’t feel her presence as much, and it felt like I was enjoying the performance because no matter what, ZHJ’s voice  is fucking good. I also found it to be a pity that he had to constantly remind the audience about points and voting - in the beginning it was funny, but by the end it felt a little repetitive - and that some of his comments could be a little bit borderline and clumsy. So not in the top 5, but his team’s performance of “Qi Shi Bu Xiang Zou / In truth, I don’t want to leave” did make me cry. A lot.  

Anyways, overall, I rate this show 10 / 10 and would encourage anyone who likes music to watch it! I know many people who watched the show are international Xiao Zhan fans, well, if so, you’ll see a lot of him at least! (and your attention might get snatched by some others if you’re not careful)

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

Tangerine, seafood, and lilac!

Tangerine: you're so cool why are you following ME?? /pos

Seafood: not a dramatic but I would kill and die for you ok

Lilac: you are invited to my dinosaur birthday party

KWJRKFKFWJJDKKR LISTEN I ADORE ADORE ADORE TO READ YOUR USERNAME ON MY NOTIS. YOU ARE SO COOL, OKAY????

Thank you so much for following me 🥺🥺🥺🥺

We can kill but there's no dying at the dinosaur birthday party, okay?

[deagibs]

End of 2020 love!

As the west coast inches closer to 2021, I wanted to pop on and spread some love to a few people that have made my 2020 a whole heck of a lot better!

These two have been super amazing and I feel like I need to scream how much I adore them. So here it goes -

First up is my absolute sweetest most kindest mutual ever, @crazyshannonigans! Shan, where do I even start!! You are an unbelievably talent human that I absolutely adore. The way you scream at almost everything I post, that being only a small amount of original posts, absolutely kills me! Like you actually like what I say??? Uhhh my heart explodes every time. You have truly been amazing to me, from you kindest of kind words to you impeccable recommendations on books and movies!! I am so so glad that I have found you and your amazing blog this year!

Second up is @winterscaptain! Tali! Sweets!! I have been so blown away by your genius brain that harbors all of your talent! I probably sound like a broken record by now, but I just feel like I need to tell you how talented you are all the time. Albeit most of my interactions are with your amazing world you have created, I so so so so want to get to know you more but my awkward and weird self can get super shy! I’m not sure if we are mutuals but my love for you is all the same! I love you so so much and I am beyond floored that you read my asks and reply to things my brain makes me type out! Your blog and your writing is my absolute favorite and I am so glad I had stumbled upon it in this weird time we are love through right now.

I gotta add one more! With only been a mutual with her for a short time, she deserves the world! @iconicc you are so so so talented. You are so sweet and I am so happy to be here on this crazy site! I love youuuuu!!

There are so many more I wanna shout at! But these two have been so kind that I wanted to let them know how much better they have made me feel in this weird year we have been through. I love all of my beautiful and talented mutuals, please please come and scream at me anytime! I love love meeting new people and I am always on my phone. It is always attached to my person.

Happy New Year’s! I love you all and let’s hope 2021 is a whole lot better than 2020!

[faejilly]

I was tagged by @la-muerta​ & @facialteeth​ & @thedivinemissema​ for the WIP/Title Game

rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and interests you and i’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!

AND THEN  by @shadoedseptmbr​ @msviolacea​ & @ravenclawnerd​ for the “stories you want to write... but for some reason haven’t yet”

so this will be a mish-mash of both? The WIPs will mostly have blurbs in this case (to fit the second meme) but you are still welcome to ask follow-up questions, if you’d like ;) Assuming you make it through the list, it is uh. Not Short.

Anyone who would like to play with their WIPs, please consider yourself tagged in either or both of these. :D

Misc Fic Folder:

“untitled document” - where I’m working on fictober fills so I have word-counts for my GYWO tracker. I am not working on these because Brains Are Dumb and also Going Back To Work Is Exhausting

I made a file called “YULETIDE!” which has nothing in it but I’m determined to finish this year so that is definitely technically a thing in the Unending WIP List of Doom worth mentioning. (Tho obviously that’s all I could say even if I had started, because anonymous.)

“coda-fics, rewatch!” -yes, that exclamation mark is important! it’s to keep me motivated! (it didn’t work). Much like untitled, this is for putting stuff so I can do word count tracking even if I don’t know what I’m doing. Currently I think it just says “MARYSE” because I was working on my SH 1x6 coda-fic and then got distracted and haven’t typed anything up yet. (Yay notebooks? Boo notebooks? Not even sure at this point.)

WNIP (works not in progress) Folder:

“TOG” - I had one vivid mental image of how Nicky & Joe met (blood-stained evil smiles?) but then no idea for a follow-up story and also the fandom is insane and I’m not sure I want to deal with all of *gestures vaguely* all that

“Shan Xia Notes” -for a TTRPG that never quite got off the ground; she was a semi-tragic selkie who was still in love with the evil queen/lady who stole her skin and I got to play her for like one session and she was surprisingly chaotic neutral, which wasn’t at all what I’d been expecting. But the game never really got off the ground, so I never had enough info to really delve into writing backstory fic

“post-Kruschev” -Kruschev’s List was the last episode of Scarecrow & Mrs King, and I was debating writing an epilogue in place of the s5 we never got, to try and tie up some loose ends, but the fandom’s three old-ladies in trench coats and I never quite worked up the gumption to get it anywhere

“Code Realize warm as silk sequel” -there is literally nothing in this file except “SEX! Only a little angst” because I wanted to write some “we can’t actually touch each other” smut but never actually did. 🤷‍♀️

BioWare (also all Not-In-Progress Anymore)

“seb/adelaide”, “Theia” & “DAI Erana” -these WIP folders were cannibalized for ficlets for the last few times I did fictober, and while originally I had ideas for longer epilogues for all three of them, at this point I don’t think any of the remaining bits could support a story any longer.

”whispers in the dark” -Maia Ryder never really got much fic at all; the cancellation of any further Andromeda stuff was really disheartening, and at this point I’d have to play the game again, and I don’t think I’m gonna manage that any time soon

”TSP” -a Mass Effect 3 Shepard AU collab project that kind of went off the rails, and our mutual brains/lives never quite seem to line up so we can try and rebuild it ”Ngaio & Tane” -my one truly ruthless Shepard (Alliance background, who romanced Traynor) whose father Tane Shepard was, I think, in PsyOps, and I wanted to figure out their complicated relationship but never really did know where I was going with it

”JE Zu & Yaling” -so I’ve rambled about my Tragic Sagacious Zu Romance Thoughts regarding Jade Empire more than once (#Icy Yaling should have most of it) but apparently I want to yell about it more than I want to actually write it? Whoops.

”CI sequel: 5 times fic?” -Cruel Intentions is a kinkmeme fill that I started and then it sat for like five years before I actually finished it, and I liked the ending, but it does leave a giant fucking question mark in terms of how those people got from there to where they are after the game, and I kind of wanted to write a proper h/c fic rather than just... leaving them wallowing in all that trauma?

But I didn’t. I don’t even remember for sure how I wanted to frame the 5/1 of it all, besides it being something sad about allowing people to see you or touch you in some way. (Prayers maybe, since I think there was definitely some Sebastian & Fenris & faith stuff going on in there.)

“candles” -Merribela prompt fill that I never was happy with? Not sure what I might do with it at this point, so it’s just sitting there all sad and lonely and neglected-like.

Shadowhunters

pt1: WIP LIST ONLY

“Persuasion” -so I keep trying to write Persuasion AUs in many fandoms because it’s my favorite Austen, but I think I like it too much, I have no real solid concept of how I’d transform it, and if I don’t have anything else to say about different characters within that framework, I have no push to actually write anything? Also this SH version of it suffered from MASSIVE scope creep when I started outlining and it got too big for me to handle so I like, killed it twice? Whoops. This one is really probably never gonna happen.

“oosdt sequel” -I wanted to write more about the Forest That Eats People and Magnus & Alec as Guardians Between Worlds, and also some background Magnus’ Found Family & Lightwood Family Feels (maybe some clizzy?) and I left a Madzie plot-thread dangling from the first one on purpose even but I think this one had too many ideas and not enough focus so it’s sort of sprawling all over a doc with a lot of “???” in it

“procedural-ish” -this was originally going to be a sex-farce. and then it turned more serious. and then maybe kind of copaganda which was uncomfortable in terms of the Everything That Is The News in 2020, and then maybe it was more a Mafia AU and at that point I had self-inflicted tone whiplash and I wished the voices in my head were a little more forthcoming about their plans so I stopped before I brained myself on my computer monitor in frustration.

“I had rather a rose than live forever” -I started a reverse!verse Malec (Shadowhunter!Magnus, High Warlock!Alec) for bingo last year, and I couldn’t quite get it together in time, so I made a moodboard inspired by the bits I’d started instead. I may see if one of my prompts from Bingo this year help me finish it?

“fall fright fest (practical magic  au)” -exactly what it says on the tin! almost exactly a year old & neglected! IDEK ANYMORE (I talked about this one with the WIP meme last time tho: here)

“priest!kink theology?” -I thought it was gonna be smut? I like priest!kink. I have made other people like it and yell at me even! But then I kept diverging into demon!Magnus thinking about Priest!Alec’s faith and as usual, IDEK ANYMORE *laughs*

(If they’re remotely canon-adjacent or divergent, a bunch of these are in here because I need to rewatch the show to get the pacing/timing/tone right and I haven’t, and I don’t know why, because I enjoy the show, but BRAINS! Are Dumb! So I guess that’s it?)

“I do” -I have tried to write this damnable Malec arranged marriage fic like six different times. I have signed up for fic exchanges and bangs with it, I have rewritten massive sections, trying to change tone or structure or POV or whatever, and it basically comes down to they like each other too fast and I keep not gutting it enough to get back to a useful pace, but by the time I realized that I was on take six and kind of sick of it. I may get back to it eventually

“wing!fic” -canon divergent in early s1, trying to deal with the consequences of Simon’s kidnapping as the Truly Serious Event that it should have been. It uh. Got heavier than I expected with those consequences (considering it was originally just supposed to be Alec’s wings flirting with Magnus) and also see above re: rewatching for pacing.

“2x20 aftermath/date night/pandemonium porn“ -yes that is the actual wip title. It used to be “spite fic” because I was originally inspired by fighting against a lot of fic!Alec characterization that was clearly based more on the books and ATG syndrome than the Alec in the show, which is the Alec I know and like and want to read about. BUT, pacing and etc. again, I think. Also I have somehow entirely lost my knack for writing porn, which makes it difficult to finish something originally intended to be smut!fic. Or even teasing almost!smut.

“rubbish heap” -so this is about three different fics that I realized complemented each other really well so they’re now all in the same file as I try to turn them into the sequel of “with an if in its soul”. It includes amnesia, parabatai lore shenanigans, a s3 rewrite, and some truly awful Owl adjustments that make me wince in horrified authorly delight and pain. BUT, as with the other ones in this file, the scope is large and I normally write short-fic and I kind of just threw up my hands in exasperation. I may have to break it back up into the three different fics instead, if I ever actually want to write it. Them? But also I need to take better notes on s3 to make sure I have what I need in here.

SH Pt 2: Started posting or not yet in hiatus because it’s actually almost ready to be a thing in the real world! maybe!?

“kisses (firsts)” -I actually started publishing this one, a “series of firsts” that was supposed to be kind of relationship milestones and kind of an excuse for smut, and then there wasn’t that much smut and I lost momentum and also dear lords & ladies the timeline is stupid, wtf. I may not ever add to this one, tbqh. It doesn’t stop in a terrible place, and they’re all ficlets so they stand alone all right.

“clizzy epilogue” -this is blank atm, it’s more a reminder for me to keep poking away at my “girls who can’t breathe air, only fire” collection BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO ACTUALLY GET TO THE CLIZZY AT SOME POINT

"mer!alec" -pts 2-4 of a series, but apparently having an actual plan gets in the way of me *writing* the thing, and I haven't managed to throw the half an outline far enough away from my brain to be able to write again. Or something like that.

"ibhww" -if broken hearts were whole is a soulmate fic I started a million years ago, and purposefully set aside to finish some other WIPs because I thought they'd be quick, and now it's just buried under two and a half years of regret and shame so it's hard to get back to it

"iafy" -i am for you is a delightful & frothy semi-epistolary fluff piece that also just lost momentum because Life & 2020 & etc. It's far and away the most popular thing I've ever posted on AO3, which also makes me feel weird sometimes, and I feel like the fact that there's no grand conclusion planned, just a bit more fluff and settling in, might end up being disappointing? Basically, it's the first time I think I've psyched myself out about reader expectations, and until I get over that I'm going to have trouble finishing the last couple chapters. (There really are probably only two more chapters though. IT’S SO CLOSE, I wish I could just... write it. And yet?)

“fake-hating” -I do not like fake dating as a trope that much, I just do not get it, but I love outside POVs and arranged marriages and there’s this delighful tumblr post about how they wished there was more fic about people who were together but had to pretend they werent’, and uh. This may be that? Eventually? I’m not exhausted by my failure to finish it yet, so it’s still in the regular folder rather than the hiatus folder, even though nothing’s been posted for it.

AND I THINK THAT’S IT?

Not as terrible as it could be, but still. MANY WORDS THAT MAY NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. Posting the equivalent of one’s old ratty sketchbook is always a weird feeling. :D

[lyricalimerence]

cast your mutuals as different types of cheese

kIER I LOVED THIS ONE SO MUCH

gouda as @maaybanks

kiara because i dunno i just kiara=gouda the vibes ✨

brie as @popcsheyward

gracie cause she's a posh twat

kraft singles as @rudys-pankow

sadhika because she's single cause she won't follow jared

cheezits as you

kier because ur my fav cheese snack

cheetos as @anonymous0writer

mags because cheetos are a god tier snack and you're a god tier person

nacho cheese doritos as @calumbroutledge

jackie because you have a crunchy personality

kraft mozzarella string cheese as @outrbank

kacey because this is my favorite string cheese and you're my favorite chav even though i'm still unsure of what chav means 😌

swiss as @lovingxjj

aada because you're finnish which is in the continent of europe and so is switzerland. i also like when you used finnish letters with the little dots above them like (ö) because it reminds me of the holes in swiss cheese. ur also kinda tangy (?)

pepper jack as @starkeystyles

shan because i feel like you'd wear red nail polish and pepper = spicy and ur a "bad bitty"

[sullustangin]

12, 14, 19 for the Hard Mode asks? Eva?

Answering these out of order, because it makes sense. 

19. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

The fact that she hadn’t had any prior to turning 20 -- limited intimate relationship experience beyond bedding someone.  Eva has a massive body count, but that’s not due to daddy issues or emotional distress or anything like that.   She likes sex.  No shame. From the time she was on her own, she slept with who she wanted to, when she wanted to.  Or sometimes she didn’t -- she did what she wanted to do.  She took all the precautions -- she was physically safe and not emotionally invested, so why not? 

And then came Darmas Pollaran.  He got it.  He understood how she operated.  He knew her as a person, not just a one-nighter.  He was good in bed.  He made her feel less alone -- there was more to life than blasters and credits. He continued to help along the business.  Not a lot of spacers do that -- every smuggler for themselves.  Then they were working together to control the underworld.

And then it fell apart.  Darmas was an Imp spy that saw her as a tool to destroy the Republic.  The first guy she trusted with anything beyond her immediate physical body turned out to be using her as a stooge.  This wasn’t a brief fling -- this was over two years, nearly three, of emotional investment.  Future plans -- the type you make when you’re 21 and believe the galaxy is in the palm of your hand -- gone.

Back to the same old patterns of spacers.   No strings.  Eva could kick them out the next morning, no guilt.   Everyone got what they came for.  

The fan fic series I’m working on now ultimately ships Eva with Theron Shan. Yes, another spy -- Akaavi even commented on it.  Eva didn’t know about Darmas until the end; Theron was upfront about it from the beginning.  But the commonality -- and ultimately, the source of relationship catastrophe -- went beyond just being spies and having to run agendas that she didn’t know about.   Both of them were highly intelligent men -- they actually had read a book, something not typical of spacers that commonly circulated in the underworld. They made her think there was something more she could do in the galaxy.  They made her laugh.  They let her see behind their bravado -- for Darmas, that was the card shark/cocky info dealer guise; for Theron, that was the SIS agent professionalism and patriotism that made him so effective in the field and a disaster in private. 

What made the whole traitor arc worse was that Theron sort of knew what Darmas did, but they never talked about the finer details about what it did to her internal well-being -- deliberate mutual choice.  They though they had a handle on the broader picture.  So when Theron betrayed her on Umbara, that basically revealed that there were things that remained from that last betrayal that had never been fixed inside her.

Theron only figured it out after Eva left him and Odessen for three months and after a particularly unpleasant visit to Darmas Pollaran, who was still alive and in prison on Coruscant, 11 years after he last saw Eva. 

In short, it’s because she’s only had two relationships with similar people (in terms of how they operate) that Eva has trust issues and insecurities that she doesn’t openly discuss.  That means the future is a bit of a minefield.

12.  In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

Strangely, the aftermath of Nathema.  I’ve posted previously in response to a prompt that after Theron betrayed Lana and Eva on Umbara, Eva ended up having a dissociative episode akin to the ones she suffered while carbonite poisoned and with Vitiate hanging out in her head.  Eva checked out, the Voidhound checked in.  I’ve constructed the “Voidhound” persona in my headcanon to be her alter ego, something she actively pretends to be to get the uglier side of business done without bringing herself (her real self) and the people she cares about into into it.  Basically, during the entire Umbara to Nathema arc, the Voidhound was not a costume she put on -- it was her.  Eva, the profoundly human and flawed and fun and functional smuggler, was gone; the Voidhound, the cold ruthless criminal mastermind, was in.

Once Vinn Atrius was dead, once she was informed Theron would not die, once the galaxy was finally safe, once there were no more of Vitiate’s nasty toys, no more Gemini, no more ghosts of Zakuul -- Eva re-emerged.  The crew weren’t sure she’d come back; Guss expressed this sentiment in the short fic I posted.  When she did reappear Eva knew what to do next -- she was free of the Throne, something she had desired since the night she won it.  Eva announced she was taking a leave of absence for three months.  She might be back. Might not.  Do not contact for three months.  After years of Hylo’s high-and-mighty attitude and jealousy toward the younger smuggler, Eva took perhaps the last bit of the Voidhound’s cruel glee to inform her that all the shady companies she took loans from actually belonged to the Voidhound, so technically, Eva owned Odessen and still did.   She told Lana to do whatever with it; watch the shop, sell it off, go conquer something.  She was going back to Smug Life and basing her operations out of Port Nowhere. 

Theron tried to stop her departure, but all she remarked was that she wasn’t taking him seriously until his hair grew back.  Three months before anything was decided. 

And then she grabbed the old crew plus Akaavi’s girlfriend Mako and HK-55 and hit the hyperlanes to go steal something expensive.  Maybe they’d conquer Dubrilion or Dantooine. 

Eva killed the Voidhound.  In a bonfire near Virtue’s Thief’s dock, she burned all her costumes, right down to the hats and Risha’s copies -- including the one she had been wearing.  She burned her bed too -- something she also did after getting her ship back from Skavak to mark a new phase of her life.  The only thing that didn’t make Theron panic about that gesture was the fact he saw her wearing a dressing gown he bought her as the gangplank closed up for the last time. 

For the first time since she woke up three years ago, Eva did whatever the hell she wanted -- not as the Outlander, not as the Alliance Commander, not as the Voidhound -- but as Eva Corolastor, smuggler captain. 

After all, everything else was just a misunderstanding.

14. Does your character remember names or faces easier? 

Faces.  There’s no point in remembering names.  People change names all the time -- Gault, for example; Eva knew him under his other name when he was hanging around Gronn the bounty hunter, one of her associates.  Hell, Eva’s name isn’t even her real one.  >:D

[synoxshots]

Yalla’ra

Species: Miraluka Class: Jedi Knight Type: Guardian Born: 12 BTC Homeworld: Alpheridies Relationships: Theron Shan (husband)

Yalla’ra, the Hero of Tython, Battlemaster of the Jedi Order, and Alliance Commander.

Yalla'ra was born on Alpheridies, the Miraluka homeworld. Her parents were crop farmers and enjoyed a peaceful life with no real desire to leave the planet. It became clear when Yalla'ra was young that she was particularly gifted with the force, and her parents were proud when she joined the Luka Sene and later the planet’s Jedi academy to learn to use her gifts. She learned there for most of her childhood, then later in her teens she travelled with other Jedi to other enclaves to expand her learning and face new challenges. She was glad to leave really, as though many Miraluka were content with life on her homeworld, it was never enough for her. She craved adventure and held a desire to test herself in the wider galaxy. She was confident in her power and wanted to be a hero, qualities that saw her slipping onto a darker path despite her place in the Jedi Order. Her masters recognised this within her, but also her great strength in the force, and believed this side of her could be tamed. At 22 they advised her to travel to Tython to complete her training as a Padawan learner, with a view to soon taking the trials.

Her talent was clear on Tython, particularly her force-sense and her ability in combat, and she quickly rose to prominence whilst learning under Master Orgus Dinn. But she was still far from the model Jedi, and recognised this in herself as well – she was too impulsive, too ambitious, never able to control her emotions and prone to acting rashly. She became ruthless in taking on her enemies, never giving sympathy to any Sith or other imperials. She was never cruel for the sake of it, but tended to kill instead of imprisoning or trying to redeem people, trying to justify it in thinking they were too dangerous to be kept alive. Until she met Lord Scourge, she believed the only good Sith was a dead Sith, and struggled to control her hate and anger around them. Her attitude meant she had a complicated relationship with the Jedi Council – they definitely held a mutual respect, but she believed they should be more aggressive in the war against the Sith, whilst the council were concerned about the path she was leading. She never believed it would be possible to redeem the Emperor, despite joining Tol Braga’s strike team. What happens afterwards haunted her and made her determined to destroy the Emperor no matter the cost. Though she ultimately succeeded, she was not given the rank of master by the council, further straining their relationship and for a brief time Yalla’ra doubted whether her future lied within the Order. 

Things change for Yalla'ra when she meets the ghost of Master Orgus for the final time on Rishi. He re-centres her, gives her a new sense of perspective, and she realises that she’s been so caught up in the war that she’s forgotten what being a Jedi should really be about. She regains her memories of her time being possessed by the Emperor which hurts a lot, and she feels so guilty for everything – both what she did then, but also her failure to be a good Jedi both before and afterwards. Having to work with the Sith also gives her a different perspective: she understands that they can be reasoned with, but it also reaffirms to her that she does not want to be like them and forces her to evaluate her own actions. As such when she becomes Alliance Commander she is firmly on the path of the light despite the presence of Valkorion in her mind, and she’s determined to prove to him that it is through the light that she holds her strength. She even decides to redeem Arcann despite having previously tried to down his and Senya’s ship – his survival is a second chance, for Arcann and for herself.

She marries Doc in a rush, neither of them put much thought into it and being together was so easy, so fun. As they head off to Dromund Kaas to face the Emperor, there’s a good chance they’re about to die anyway so why not marry – defeating the Emperor turns out to be their honeymoon. When she later meets Theron they form a close friendship and they find it easy to open up to each other in spite of themselves. Though she grieves for Doc, she falls in love with Theron when she becomes Alliance Commander, and despite being racked with guilt when she discovers Doc is actually alive, she ultimately decides to choose Theron as she recognises that her life has now changed and they have a much deeper, more mature relationship.

Going forward, she rejoins the Republic and the Jedi Order, taking a seat on the council and putting her efforts into rebuilding the Order and helping the galaxy to recover, even in a time of war. She remembers the lessons Master Orgus taught her on Rishi, and helping the galaxy is her main priority now rather than destroying her enemies. Though she recognises that the Republic is not perfect, she retains her faith in it as a way to do good, and so wishes to use the Alliance’s resources towards that same end.

[syms-things-5]

Clear The Area

Warning: Not explicit (yet); some mild language. This has been quite cathartic in a way.

Summary: 29-year-old nurse Sarah Bernette has worked hard to get where she is. Moving to Boston from a nowhere dump of a town, she’s studied hard and is grateful her stress is finally paying off. Despite being fostered repeatedly throughout her childhood, she’s since found some comfort in the form of her adopted parents, Jocelyn and Noah, and a pseudo-adoptive family of sorts in form of the Evans clan who have treated her as one of her own ever since she moved in with best friend, Shanna. Valuing them above all else, she appreciates their support even more when her long lost birth mother decides to reappear in her life after so many years, and is surprised to find out just how supportive Chris is in particular. As she struggles to maintain a firm grip on both her professional and private lives, she finds an ill-advised solace in her growing mutual attraction with him but how long before everything unravels and threatens to pull the rug out from underneath her?

Note: I have two chapters written and will post ‘Chapter Two’ at some point this weekend to get things moving. I apologise for my spelling/grammar errors. Let me know if there is something wildly incorrect here and I’ll change it. Still figuring out a few things and I expect this will be a slow burn but it’s exciting to finally get off my arse and…sit down and write. 

CHAPTER ONE

Today was probably a 4 out of 10.

4.5 if she was feeling generous.

Sarah thought about the decisions she had made in the past decade that lead her right to this moment, this moment being cleaning neon-coloured vomit off her scrubs for the second time in the past hour.

“You would think people would have learned downing shots of Absinthe was not a great idea by the time they’d left their teens,” snickered Audrey before shooting her a sympathetic look and handing over another wipe. “I can’t believe how green it was. It looks like you got punked by the Marshmallow Man!”

“Thanks for that.” Sarah was scrubbing as hard as she could while internally questioning her decision to pursue Nursing all those years ago. Her History teacher once told her she could have “a decent stab” at becoming a Middle School teacher if she applied herself right. Right now, she could be knee-deep in teaching half-interested kids about the 27 Amendments without an ounce of sick in sight. Instead, she was baffled. “Fuck. It’s practically luminous…”

This must have been payback for pushing herself as a teenager. Being fostered in and out of care homes during your formative years could turn you one way or the other, and Sarah chose “the other”. She was sure the universe was telling her she should have stayed put and been happy with her lot in life, in her too-small town with no feasible job prospects, where everyone knew you and held that against you, instead of moving halfway across the country with next to no money to study at a University she couldn’t afford and would most likely be in debt to for the next twenty years. Now, however, she got to convince local drunks that climbing on to roofs was, in fact, not a great idea despite the bet they had made with their “friends”. On a good day, she got to help children pick out the colours for their plaster casts. 

Or take today. Today, she got to lecture a group of young people about the trials and tribulations of playing “run the bus” with 60% proof. Every day was just a little bit different so as to keep things interesting. That, she reminded herself, was something she had to remain glad about.

She sighed and threw the last wipe in the bin. Taking a last look in the mirror, she turned to her friend for reassurance that she looked at least passable. She caught her frown before Audrey realised Sarah could see her and quickly gave her a thumbs up. She did love her Audrey which is why she decided to repay her kindness by forcing a hug on her as a thank you.

“Silver lining, though,” Audrey said, shoving her away, laughing in protest. “You’re lucky you didn’t get any in your hair.”

“Yeh bastards had a good aim at least.” Sarah dusted down her arms one last time to check for anything she might have missed and the two of them left the locker room. The place was now eerily quiet, thank god. Just run out the clock and they’d be home and dry in no time, figuratively speaking in Sarah’s case.

Audrey placed a comforting arm around her pal. “You want me to find some spare scrubs? I’m sure they’ll have some upstairs. It’ll only take a minute.”

“Nah it’s OK. I’ll be done in 20. Just gotta sign Mr. Richardson out from cubicle 5 then I’ll run home and shower.”

“OK, well, if you have to hang around, avoid triage because you-know-who is there and I don’t want you ruining your chances again.” Audrey pinched Sarah on her hip and headed back to her work.

You-know-who was Greg Anderson, an attractive 30-something medic from a hospital on the other side of town. He was up-and-coming in Paediatrics apparently and had been shadowing a Consultant for the past few weeks. He was 6ft plus with dark hair and brown eyes and his father was something big in Economics in MIT. He drove a Porsche and wore Louboutin’s on his rounds which had Audrey practically foaming at the mouth. Indeed, he hadn’t bypassed the attentions of the majority of females in the ER, as well as a few men and even a couple of patients but as always, Sarah was solely focussed on the job at hand to pay him any heed. Audrey thought she caught him staring at her the other week, though, and made it her mission to set them up. She took great pride in playing matchmaker for her friend given that she herself got locked down nine years earlier and “it’s a damn shame to let these skills go to waste.’ She had somehow also managed to get Shan and Lisa onside, too, however that had happened.

Greg was handsome, she’d agree with that, and definitely her type in the right light but something was a little too Republican for her liking. Plus, he was a Rangers’ fan and Sarah swore blind early on in her life that she couldn’t bring children up in that kind of hostile environment. Sarah briefly contemplated walking past triage with the lingering scent now clinging to her clothes but as Audrey kindly repeated to her at regular intervals during the days, Greg was her only realistic prospect right now and figured it was perhaps better to keep her options open, at least for the time being.

Mr. Richardson was gone pretty soon afterwards and, accepting defeat for another day, Sarah grabbed her bag and headed home.

*

There was definitely beer left in the fridge, she was sure of it. She’d bought a six-pack at the weekend and could only remember drinking two during the Bruins’ game, so…

“Oh yeh, you’re out of beer.” 

Sarah turned around from the fridge to face a sheepish looking Chris holding the last frosted bottle in his hand, his ball cap low over his face attempting to hide the faint black circles under both his eyes. There was a 5 o’clock shadow forming now he wasn’t required to shave. As drained as she was, she briefly contemplated wrestling him to the ground for that last swig. He looked just as tired. She figured she could take him. At least he had the decency to look guilty about it.

“I’ll run out and get you some if you…Jesus! Why do you smell like a brewery?!” He practically recoiled holding his free hand to his nose.

Sarah rolled her eyes and grabbed a glass for some cold water instead. “Are you here to just annoy me or steal my beer as well?”

“Both now you ask but seriously, what have you been doing all day? You don’t usually smell this bad.” He joked.

“Oh, some kids took it in turns to throw up on me and I didn’t have any clean scrubs to change into.” She downed the water and went to fill the glass up again. God, she didn’t realise she was this dehydrated. Chris shot her a look of confusion. “It’s a long story. Is Shan around?” She shed herself of her scrub top and headed into her bedroom down the hallway, Chris casually following behind.

She had to pop out for something so I’m just handing here ‘til she gets back. You coming for dinner at Ma’s? She’s doing her famous lamb roast. Might wanna shower first, though.” He joked, playfully sticking his tongue out at her.

“God, I forgot how hilarious you are.” she overtly rolled her eyes at him. “No, I’m good. Just gonna head for an early night, I think.”

“OK, well, if you change your mind, we’re leaving in half an hour. You know she’ll make me drive back to get you otherwise.”

That was true. For as long as she’d known and lived with Shanna, Lisa had treated her like any other member of her family and Sarah had never fully grasped how much she had appreciated it, coming from where she did. Lisa knew Sarah’s folks weren’t as close by any more and compensated for this by inviting to every dinner night she held, every games night, school events, theatre events, and more besides. She spent Christmases with them, visited Disney with them, and had New Years with them on occasions she wasn’t working. Lisa even organised a surprise birthday get-together for her as well despite Shan’s protests that she wasn’t a birthday kind of person. Sarah had learned to stop feeling awkward or out of place soon after.

Once Shan told Lisa Sarah had wanted to start learning to play piano as a new year’s resolution, Lisa had insisted she could teach her whenever she had some spare time. There soon after followed afternoons of tea and gossip and not much playing of the piano but it felt comfortable and nice for the first time in a long time. Shan would make excuses so Sarah didn’t feel obligated to attend everything but in truth, she didn’t mind so much. It was nice to feel wanted.

Chris was lounging on her armchair with one leg over the armrest, messing on his phone. Sarah could count the number of times on one hand the nights he had spent in his own place since returning to Boston a fortnight ago. As true as it was that he rarely spoke about filming in any great detail, she could nevertheless tell he’d been left particularly drained by this particular experience and wasn’t looking forward to the reshoots scheduled for next month. There had been a rumour he’d started sleeping with his married co-star and she guessed Lisa had been mithering him about it hence him turning up on their doorstep last week. Other than one night back in his own bed, he had remained on their sofa ever since, clearly relishing in the familiar company.

“So what made those kids throw up?” Chris called out, still engrossed in his phone. A quick glance over his shoulder told her he’d been ignoring someone’s text messages.

By now Sarah was in her old yet comfy sweatpants and a Boston hoodie Shan had bought her as an anniversary present of her 5th year living there. “Um, Absinthe. The nasty kind.” She was gathering her washing together.

Chris whistled low through his teeth, a kind of “been there, done that”.

“Rookie mistake.“ he laughed to himself. He frowned at his phone before chucking it onto her bed and turned around in her chair to plant both feet on the carpet, leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees. He looked like he wanted to get something off his chest but was struggling to find the words. He was reluctant to drag Sarah into anything given how exhausted she looked. Despite their differences in careers, sometimes it felt like she was the only person he knew who could understand how long and tiresome the days could get. Then he would inevitably feel embarrassed he was out there only pretending to save lives when she was out there day after day actually living it for real in all of its bloody glory. And for a tiny fraction of his pay. He tried not to water than thought too much.

“I take it you know,” he asked quietly, still not looking up from her bedroom floor.

“Know what?”

“About Jenny?”

“Oh,” she paused for a brief second. He’d know straight away she was lying if she tried to play dumb. “I mean your mom might have mentioned something in passing,” she shrugged unconvincingly. He scoffed knowing she would have talk about nothing else since the rumours started gathering pace online. He knew he hadn’t done himself any favours by avoiding the conversation either but he simply couldn’t stand another lecture of disapproving look. Dinner tonight was to be his mea culpa.

Sarah was thankful when she heard the front door go and then the sound of Shan dropping her bags in the kitchen and heading towards Sarah’s room.

“I signed for this for you this morning while you were out.” she handed Sarah a brown envelope before turning to Chris with a hand on her hip, looking like she was scolding her 7-year old nephew. “Mom’s been trying to get hold of you all day. She wasn’t sure if she needed to lay an extra seat for you this evening. Sarah, she wanted me to make sure I couldn’t persuade you to come as well?” Sarah shook her head and held up her stained clothes and enjoyed Shan’s visible flinch.

“I’m not even going to ask.” She held her hands up and walked out. Chris rolled his eyes in mock imitation of Shan and Sarah smiled sympathetically, mouthing a “good luck” to him as he left trailing behind her.

Sarah was left looking down at the envelope in her hands. It looked very official; the kind you would receive if you’d been summoned to a court hearing or Jury Duty. She didn’t recognise the address or the stamp but recognised her home town almost straight away. It had been years since she’d been there. Why the hell were they dragging her back now?

*