#Selfish Shallow and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Have Kids

[cozycoffeereads]

Read about my book haul on my blog here!

The books:

1. The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna

2. Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Have Kids by Meghan Daum

3. Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology, and How You Can Heal by Donna Jackson Nakazawa

4. Unwinding Anxiety by Judson Brewer, MD, PhD

5. Tripping Arcadia by Kit Mayquist

Have you read any of these? Tell me what you think!

[guardian-angle22]

Completely out of the blue, totally just randomly thinking about it for no reason whatsoever book recommendation here, but you know a pretty good collection of essays I read once?... Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids. Good book talking about why parenthood isn't the only path in life.

[litafficionado]

“Virginia Woolf’s suicide note read in part: “I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another one of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do.” Every time I read that note, I’m glad that Woolf didn’t have children. (She was, like me, a doting aunt.) But I’m also relieved that I’ve never heard voices. I like to think that I have never crossed from pain to madness, though there have been times when I felt like I was losing my mind—losing its clarity and focus. And in my darkest depression, there were days—months, actually—when life seemed so dire that I understood exactly what Woolf meant when she wrote, “I can’t fight anymore.”” -Elliott Holt, in Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Have Kids [ed. Meghan Daum]

[whilereadingandwalking]

Do you have recs of books (any type) where they discuss/include not wanting to have kids and/or post partum depression? Tks

I don’t have as much experience reading about the topic personally but I also asked a couple of my bookish friends for recommendations. They recommended:

This Isn’t What I Expected by Karen Kleiman

Baby Proof by Emily Griffin

Dear Scarlet by Teresa Wong

Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Have Kids

Serena Singh Flips the Script by Sonya Lalli

I also found recommended:

Day Nine by Amanda Munday

Two is Enough by Laura Scott

This Particular Happiness: a Childless Love Story by Jackie Shannon Hollis

I hope this helps!

[fulesthefirst]

I am either reading a cheesy YA book or some hardcore feminist non-fiction. There’s no in between.

In case you find yourself oscillating between these states too: I highly recommend Selfish, Shallow and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids by Meghan Daum and The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune. 

[barrebard]

Reading in 2019 - October Edition

Got a lot of reading done in October! Probably won’t do as much this month as I’m in the middle of moving and most of my TBR books are in boxes.

Progress to goals:

- 44/50 books read this year

- 8/24 books on the Read Harder Challenge

- 10/10 items on the Reading Glasses Challenge

Completed

1. Single, Carefree, Mellow by Katherine Heiny

2. Heroine Complex by Sarah J. Kuhn

3. Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids, Edited by Meghan Daum

4. Heroine Worship by Sarah Kuhn

5. The Beholder by Anna Bright

6. Rose by Li-Young Lee

7. Becoming by Michelle Obama

8. Female Tars: Women Aboard Ship in the Age of Sail by Suzanne J. Stark

In Progress

1. Le Morte Darthur by Sir Thomas Malory, Translated by Helen Cooper

2. Magic for Liars by Sarah Gailey

3. Know My Name by Chanel Miller

September Edition | August Edition | July Edition | June Edition | May Edition | April Edition | March Edition | February Edition | January Edition

[intpatypical]

Of all the arguments for having children, the suggestion that it gives life "meaning" is the one to which I am most hostile - apart from all the others. The assumption that life needs a meaning or purpose! I'm totally cool with the idea of life being utterly meaningless and devoid of purpose - the we would all be obliged (and foolish not) to pursue that purpose. Okay, if you can't handle the emptiness of life, fine: have kids, fill the void. But some of us are quite happy in the void, thank you, and have no desire to have it filled. Let's be clear on this score. I'm not claiming that I don't need to have kids because my so-called work is fullfilling and gives my life meaning. To be honest, I'm slightly suspicious of the idea of an anthology of writers writing about not having kids. Obviously any anthology of writing is, by definition, full of stuff by writers, but if this is a club whose members feel they have had to sacrifice the joys of family life for the higher vocation and fullfillment of writing, then I don't want to be part of it. Any exultation of the writing life is as abhorrent to me as the exultation of family life. Writing just passes the time and, like any kind of work, brings in money. If you want to make sure I never read a line you've written, tell me about the sacrifices you've made in order to get those lines written. If we were able to go through history and eliminate every single instance of sacrifice, the world would be a significantly better place, with a consistently increased supply of lamb.

Over and Out by Geoff Dyer, in Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids

[konmarkimageswords]

"...Not having children isn’t selfish. Not having children is a perfectly rational and reasonable response given that humans are essentially parasites on the face of a perfectly lovely and well-balanced planet, ploughing through its natural resources, eradicating its endangered species, and ruining its most wonderful landscapes. This might sound misanthropic, and it is, but it is also true.

Maybe the world would be a better place if fewer women weren’t compelled to have children while their resources are stretched unreasonably thin. Maybe fewer sweet, chubby-cheeked toddlers would grow up to be surly, resentful adults because they always had the lingering sense their presence wasn’t wanted.

Many of the writers in Shallow, Selfish, and Self-Absorbed [edited by Megan Daum] discuss their own traumatic childhoods, and how they were made to feel responsible for their parents’ failed careers, or failed relationships, or unhappy lives. But there should be no shame attached to the decision not to participate any further in the great human experiment, whether or not it comes from the fact that that experiment has failed a person in the past...

As a compilation of writing, Shallow, Selfish, and Self-Absorbed is generally very strong, bringing together a diverse range of voices and styles to riff entertainingly on a subject that has seemed, up until now, unriffable. But as a collection of manifestos, it’s hugely significant. It won’t influence anyone hell-bent on children away from having them, nor will it dissuade people who feel eternally conflicted about the subject. But what it does, more crucially, is refuse to accept the perpetuation of the myths that have surrounded childbirth for the last 200 years—that women have a biological need to procreate, and that having children is the single most significant thing a person can do with his or her life, and that not having children leaves people sad and empty..."

(Review by Sophie Gilbert)

https://www.meghandaum.com/selfish-shallow-self-absorbed

https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/04/why-women-arent-having-children/390765/

https://www.themarginalian.org/2015/05/11/selfish-shallow-and-self-absorbed-meghan-daum/

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/12/books/review/selfish-shallow-and-self-absorbed-sixteen-writers-on-the-decision-not-to-have-kids.html

https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/books/selfish-shallow-and-self-absorbed-sixteen-writers-on-the-decision-not-to-have-kids-review-1.2230806

[katefinityreads]

Currently reading Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Have Kids. I’m about halfway through and hoping to finish reading it this weekend. 

I’ve been saying since I was about 7 or 8 that I don’t want to have kids (much to the apparent “disappointment” of my mom). 20 years later, I still have people telling me that I will change my mind. I wonder when (and if?) that will ever stop.

If you want kids, good for you. If you don’t want kids, good for you. I think that being a woman and having a meaningful life does not necessitate having children. Do whatever you want, do it well, and to hell with what other people think.

[trufflefriesbeforeguys-blog]

The weaker sex

After being shouted at by yet another douche thinking they are somewhat superior, to, “Pick up that shit!” (Referring to my dog that was in the middle of doing her doggy business); it makes me think of how, just because we can have children, doesn’t mean we should.

*Gets ready for public pelting with rotten fruit and vegetable*

Today, I came across an article on a book called ‘Selfish, Shallow and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen writers on the decision to not have kids’ and it got me thinking about the subject again.  I take my hat off to people who can raise well balanced, intelligent and considerate children but in my every day life, I see a lot of grown children that seem to have lacked basic parenting.

Children are indeed a gift and having them is a privilege, not a primal right.  Unless you can provide for, to the best of your ability, their emotional; physical and intellectual needs; I don’t think children are for you.

It’s sad to see how women feel so liberated in our generation but yet are judged on whether they are womanly enough (a real woman!) unless they procreate.  I can’t speak for men, but would they too be tired of being judged as commitment-phobes or immature if they do not have children?

This leads me to the title of this entry, why do people (both men and women) feel it is their prerogative to judge and treat other women as fair game for criticism? Myself and my female partner in crime have both been harassed when walking the dog (it’s too hot, why is it wearing that collar - a training collar for the uninitiated, etc.) but yet, our male friends have never been privy to unsolicited ‘advice’.   Is it because we view women as weaker, both physically and mentally?  Do we view women as less intelligent and therefore it is our duty to point them in the right direction?  Do we feel women are less likely to put up a fight and therefore make good punchbags for sanctimonious egos? 

If I get this kind of grief for just walking a dog, I can only imagine what it could be like for mothers of children.  Perhaps it’s time to check our intentions before doling out that unsolicited advice, who are you really trying to benefit anyway?  Would you say the same thing if you were by yourself, not wearing a security blanket of the company of friends?  Perhaps we should all just mind our own business and keep our opinions (<-yes, that’s what they are) to ourselves.

[eccles4il6by]

Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Ha ve Kids by Meghan Daum …less mobi

Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Ha ve Kids by Meghan Daum …less mobi

Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Have Kids by Meghan Daum …less mobi SIXTEEN LITERARY LUMINARIES ON THE CONTROVERSIAL SUBJECT OF BEING CHILDLESS BY CHOICE, COLLECTED IN ONE FASCINATING ANTHOLOGY One of the main topics of cultural conversation during the last decade was the supposed “fertility crisis,” and whether modern women could figure out a way to…

[glennp769c9-blog]

Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Ha ve Kids by Meghan Daum …less mobi

New Post has been published on http://pro-books24.info/?p=637

Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Ha ve Kids by Meghan Daum …less mobi

Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Have Kids by Meghan Daum …less mobi SIXTEEN LITERARY LUMINARIES ON THE CONTROVERSIAL SUBJECT OF BEING CHILDLESS BY CHOICE, COLLECTED IN ONE FASCINATING ANTHOLOGY One of the main topics of cultural conversation during...

[bookclub4m]

In this 80 minute episode we talk about Essay Collections! We get into some deep topics this time, talking about precarity, race relations, and cultural differences between Canada and the USA. We also wonder if it’s possible to find books about feminism that blow your mind when you’re already familiar with the idea. Plus! The three kinds of CanLit and knowing what a zine isn’t.

You can download the podcast directly, find it on Libsyn, or get it through iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, Spotify, or your favourite podcast delivery system.

In this episode

Anna Ferri | Meghan Whyte | Matthew Murray | RJ

Books We Read This Month

My Conversations with Canadians by Lee Maracle

Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Have Kids edited by Meghan Daum

We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

The TED Talk version

Beyoncé - ***Flawless ft. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

One Day We'll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter by Scaachi Koul

Rape Culture Is Surveillance Culture

Close to the Machine: Technophilia and its Discontents by Ellen Ullman

Toy Time!: From Hula Hoops to He-Man to Hungry Hungry Hippos: A Look Back at the Most- Beloved Toys of Decades Past by Christopher Byrne

This Will Be My Undoing: Living at the Intersection of Black, Female, and Feminist in (White) America by Morgan Jerkins

Curry: Eating, Reading, and Race by Naben Ruthnum

Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit

The original essay

Browse: The World in Bookshops edited by Henry Hitchings

Other Media and Authors We Mention

Hark! RJ’s holiday music podcast

Are Prisons Obsolete? by Angela Y. Davis

Mary Roach

The New Kings of Nonfiction

In Fact: The Best of Creative Nonfiction

David Sedaris

So Sad Today: Personal Essays by Melissa Broder

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed

Joe Sacco

Chainmail Bikini: The Anthology of Women Gamers

The Secret Loves of Geek Girls

Dave Barry

Chuck Klosterman

Why I am no Longer Talking to White People About Race (Meghan is talking about this book when she mentions the British conservative politician who thinks people should just get better jobs instead of more affordable housing)

Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay

How to Slowly Kill Yourself and Others in America by Kiese Laymon

The Fire This Time: A New Generation Speaks about Race

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit

Bear by Marian Engel

Pain Woman Takes Your Keys, and Other Essays from a Nervous System by Sonya Huber

Best American Science and Nature Writing Series

The State of Play: Creators and Critics on Video Game Culture

Rise of the Videogame Zinesters by Anna Anthropy

Crash Override: How Gamergate (Nearly) Destroyed My Life, and How We Can Win the Fight Against Online Hate by Zoe Quinn

Links, Articles, and Things

Book Riot Insiders Forum

Hogan's Alley, Vancouver

“Hogan's Alley was the first and last neighbourhood in Vancouver with a substantial concentrated black population.”

What Is CanLit? by Douglas Coupland

“CanLit is when the Canadian government pays you money to write about life in small towns and/or the immigration experience. If the book is written in French, urban life is permitted, but only from a nonbourgeois viewpoint.”

Questions

What’s the difference between essays and chapters?

Is a blog post an essay?

How long can an essay be?

Is long form journalism an essay?

Is a journal issue an essay collection?

Do you like it when authors use personal and self-reflective frameworks as part of the essay format?

Are you attending ALA in New Orleans? Want to be on this podcast? Get in touch!

Check out our Pinterest board and Tumblr posts, follow us on Twitter, join our Facebook Group, or send us an email!

Join us again on Tuesday, May 1st when we’ll talk about Separating the Art from the Artist!

Then come back on Tuesday, May 15th when we’ll be talking about Comedic/Humourous Science Fiction and Fantasy.

[stringofletters]

In an essay, I once described being a parent as like belonging to a cult, "living in conditions of appalling filth and degradation, subject to the whim of a capricious and demented master", which a surprising number of parents told me they loved. ...  Reproduction is raison d'etre has always seemed to beg the whole question of existence. If the ultimate purpose of your life is children, what's the purpose of your children's lives? To have your grandchildren? Isn't anyone's life ultimately meaningful in itself? If not, what's the point propagating it ad infinitum? After all, 0 x ∞ =0. It would seem a pretty low-rent ultimate purpose that's shared with viruses and bacteria.

Tim Kreider from “Selfish, Shallow and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen writers on the decision not to have kids”

[barrebard]

Reading in 2019 - September Edition

Progress to goals:

- 36/50 books read this year

- 8/24 books on the Read Harder Challenge

- 10/10 items on the Reading Glasses Challenge

Completed

1. The City in the Middle of the Night by Charlie Jane Anders 

2. The Wedding Party by Jasmine Guillory

In Progress

1. Le Morte Darthur by Sir Thomas Malory, Translated by Helen Cooper

2. Magic for Liars by Sarah Gailey

3. Female Tars by Suzanne J. Stark (Yes, I am reading an academic book about lady sailors because I’m playing a lady pirate captain in a D&D campaign.)

4. Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decisions Not to have Kids, Edited by Meghan Daum

Y’all, I currently have 9 library books checked out and they are all due in three weeks or less. This is going to be a wild month! (I know renewals are a thing, but where’s the challenge in that?!)

August Edition | July Edition | June Edition | May Edition | April Edition | March Edition | February Edition | January Edition