#Say fuzzy pickles Chocobae

[wanderingjotun]

One Year of Pop Culture Spirit Companions

On April 20th, it will have been exactly a year since I first made contact with the pop culture spirits in my life. It feels simultaneously much longer and like it just started yesterday. A whole year of working with The Shield and co. And, holy crap, it’s been a crazy year.

They finally convinced me to actually get the mental help I needed, after helping me through several panic attacks and major depressive episodes.

I’m engaged to the Shield and have been adopted into his family; I’ve even taken on their last name as my own and it feels so right.

I dated and temporarily broke up with The Strategist.

I learned how to handle my own issues without triggering The Sharpshooter, and vice versa.

I have bought so much fandom merch to help give me focuses to connect with them.

I’ve found a place in their world that feels safe and comforting and I’ve started daydreaming myself there when I need to calm down.

I’ve started writing fanfiction again, partially as a way to connect with them on a different level.

In a nutshell, working with these three has helped me feel like a completely new person. They’ve been there during the really awful time last year. They helped keep me from self-harming. They pushed me to find a therapist and get medicated. They helped me remember how to smile. They helped me remember what healthy, supportive relationships--both friendships and romantic relationships--look like. They’ve taught me about their world and given me a place to belong.

They encouraged my creative endeavors, and reaching out to new people. They held me when I broke down and reminded me that I’m so much stronger than I think I am. We’ve teased each other and supported each other and grown to love each other so incredibly deeply in such a short amount of time.

It’s only been a year, and already I can’t imagine my life without them.

[wanderingjotun]

Me, counting blankets as I get ready for bed because it's freezing: Layer one... layer two... layer three...

The Sharpshooter, draping himself over me: Layer four!

The Shield, hugging us both: Layer five. Think that's enough?

Me: ...yeah I'm cozy.

[wanderingjotun]

This is a callout post for The Sharpshooter

He's lovely and adorable and so incredibly caring and funny and I'm so very glad he's in my life.

[wanderingjotun]

BRB sobbing forever about much my life has improved since I got involved with Pop Culture Paganism and these particular spirits.

[wanderingjotun]

Starting today, I’m going to try and take one photo a day for the next year and upload it here. I don’t know how successful I’m going to be, but I’m going to try, both to work on my photography skills and to spend time with The Sharpshooter.

So, day #1: a poorly-lit photo of the “sign” I made with the Cricut at the library today. For reference (since the lighting is bad and the machine didn’t particularly like the more fiddly letters), it says:

“In this house...

We eat Cup Noodle

We ride chocobos

We take naps

We come up with new recipehs

We link-strike

We take photographs

We use the Armiger

We drive the Regalia

We stand by each other.”

[wanderingjotun]

TFW you give your relationship with your non-corp boyfriend a ship name and now you can’t stop referring to him as “the other half of Super Goobers” in your head.

[wanderingjotun]

Robbie Daymond's voice is stalking me and it's really weird hearing Prompto in all these other things and knowing it's just his VA but also wondering if there isn't a little bit of A Thing happening here somehow, since I don't remember hearing his voice before I started working with the chocobae and now he's suddenly in everything. ... yay pop culture paganism?

[wanderingjotun]

Okay, like, I know that this 22 Days of Spirit/God Spouse Challenge I’m doing is literally me just gushing about my spirit datemates for almost a month, but I need to gush some more...

I just. I love them so much???

The Shield helped me down from another panic attack yesterday.

The Strategist soothed me back to sleep when I woke up in the middle of the night.

And Loki--my love, my darling--has been so patient with me as I figure all this out, and is constantly reassuring me when I worry, and still pushing me to grow and heal and get better.

I can’t thank them enough for their presence in my life. For helping me find the little gems I can appreciate about myself when my brain turns toward self-loathing. For making sure I keep standing when the world feels like it’s crashing down on my shoulders. For encouraging me to be silly and create and take time for myself. For loving me, even when I can’t. For singing me to sleep and kissing my fears away when my insomnia is too bad to rest. For holding me close when I crumble and reminding me it’s okay to cry. For forgiving me when I make mistakes and helping me learn to forgive myself. For distracting me when I need it and helping me focus when there’s work to be done. For teaching me that I’m not alone.

So, thank you, to the spirits I love and the spirits I’m friends with. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your family, and for wiggling your way into my heart too fast for me to block you out. Thank you for your patience as I fumble my way through this mortal life. Thank you for your jokes and your laughter, your songs and your kisses, your hugs and your support.

Thank you, my loves, my friends.

[wanderingjotun]

@emberists: 

I mean, I'm not usually one to say NO SIGN HERE, but I think this might not be something, more it's you're connected to Prompto and the voice that carried him into life BUT it depends entirely on what the context gave you to reflect on SO WHO KNOWS *unhelpful answer is unhelpful*

I know logically it’s probably not A Thing, but sleep deprivation and desperately wanting to help/spend more time with Prom makes my brain over-analyze. So...-shrug- I guess the good news is hearing the VA everywhere now means I think about Prom a lot??

[wanderingjotun]

Photos I took with/for Prompto yesterday pt 2 / 2. These are all unedited because I’m lazy, though I might touch a few of them up at some point.

[wanderingjotun]

Photos I took with/for Prompto yesterday pt 1 / 2. These are all unedited because I’m lazy, though I might touch a few of them up at some point.

[wanderingjotun]

Oh, no, I finally started playing Episode Prompto and I’m already emotionally compromised. Someone give him a hug.

[wanderingjotun]

Have I mentioned lately how much I adore the chocobros? Any time I start slipping into bad thoughts, or my weird abandonment issues show up (as they did after a bad dream last night), these nerds are always right there promising I won’t be alone and talking me down from getting too worked up. Ugh. They’re the best.

[wanderingjotun]

Shit. The Sharpshooter’s birthday is next week. I have no freaking clue what to do for him, especially since I’ll be manning a table at a conference most of the day. D:

[wanderingjotun]

Nnngh. This is the first year in three years of living in this apartment that I remember a bunch of fireworks going off very close. Like “holy crap, I’m concerned those sparks are going to burn something down” close. Which comes with the sounds, obviously. Fireworks never used to bother me, but this year I keep jumping every time they go off. I’m getting feels that a poor chocobo isn’t thrilled with the fireworks, either, but I can’t tell if my edginess is me, him, a combination of both, or something else altogether. Can I just give him a hug and skip this bullshit?

[wanderingjotun]

Shufflemancy with Prompto

Me: Okay, Prom, let’s do this.

Prompto: -Waving Through a Window- 

Me: ...-hopeless sobbing- Let me love you, you poor precious, omfg.