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possibly-evil · 4 months ago

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ok, I put it on ao3, but ill put it here as well :3

some moments of little white lie from Duder's pov (3817 words) by possibly_evil Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Little White Lie (Web Series) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Sami Reese & Duder Reese, Duder Reese/Jim Povolo (Little White Lie) Characters: Jim Povolo (Little White Lie), Duder Reese, Sami Reese Additional Tags: Nobody has ever written a Duder/Jim fic (to my knowledge) and that made me sad, Duder and Sami are neurodivergent but idk what flavor Summary: yeah the title pretty much sums it up

full fic under the cut :3

Duder walked down the hall, same as he did everyday, to get to first period. Today, however, was different. He walked with pride, thriving off of the memory of the crowd going wild at he and Sami’s Battle Of The Bands performance. He felt like he could conquer the world. He didn’t even care that he was humming a little too loud, like his parents always told him not to, or that he was bobbing from side to side as he walked, which just felt more natural to him. He had finally done something right. As he turned the corner of the hallway, he spotted a familiar face coming his way. The good feeling in his stomach dwindled. He didn’t know the kids name, but he was definitely bad news. This guy was of the kids who always teased him and Sami. Here we go again. Another day of ridicule. Duder avoided eye contact as he began running the possibilities in his head. The guy looked stronger than him, so there was no point in trying to fight back if he pushed Duder down. If the guy cracked some kind of joke at him, it’d be better just to not respond and hopefully not draw out any response. Duder sucked in his breath as their paths were about to cross.

“Hey Duder!” The boy said to him, smiling. Not a fake, sarcastic smile. A real one. He patted Duder on the shoulder, making him flinch. Duder’s hand instinctively flew up to the spot the boy had touched him, feeling for injury, but it had been a friendly pat, not an attack. The boy walked past, smiling back at him. Duder followed him with his eyes for a second as the boy turned to keep walking.

“Hey! Hi!” Duder responded a little too late. The boy didn’t look back, but he didn’t seem mad, either. Duder glanced over his shoulder several more times, astonished. Why was this kid being nice to him? They barely knew each other on a first-name basis.

“Huh,” He chuckled, smiling. Had their performance been so good that people were nice now? Weird. He kept going, into a more busy section of the hall. He turned his head off to the side, trying not to look at anybody. Why? He almost stopped walking. Why did he need to avoid eye contact with them? He turned back once more to the boy he’d passed a few seconds ago. Was Duder cool now? He brought his gaze back to the hall he was walking down, and almost jumped at the sight of three girls to his left. They sat on a table, and all turned to look as Duder made his way past them.

“Hey Duder!” They giggled, waving at him. Not whispering to each other, like they would have if they’d had some sort of cruel prank planned. They looked and smiled at him like he was their friend. Duder took a step away as he passed them, stuttering out a reply. He couldn’t believe it. There were girls talking to him on their own account. He found himself smiling.

“Cheerio Duder!” More people greeted him as he walked by. He stumbled over his words, not knowing what to say. How was he supposed to react? Was he supposed to say hi to everyone? Would that be weird? His smile fell as his pulse quickened and his mind started racing. As more and more of his classmates said hello, he found himself trying to step away from all of them at once. Why were they talking to him? Was there something he didn’t know? Was this all really because of their performance? He grasped his chest, feeling overwhelmed. He wasn’t used to this. He was having difficulty breathing. He jumped at the sight of more and more faces. Why were there so many people? There were more than usual, right? There were too many voices all at once. He’d never had problems with loud sounds. He loved them, even. But the overlapping voices of people addressing him specifically, all wanting him to respond, made him begin to sweat. It was too hot here. The lights were too bright. His ears began ringing, and he took off running. Duder slammed into the bathroom door with his shoulder, pushing it open and probably bruising himself in the process. He quickly shut it, and leaned against the cool wood, catching his breath. Being alone in the room felt like a weight had instantly been lifted off his shoulders.

“Oh gee…” He mumbled running his hand through his hair. He shut his eyes, trying to block out the light. As he slowly started breathing normally, he opened his eyes, focusing on a spot on the floor to ground himself. He still wasn’t safe from attention in here. Anybody could come through the door. He pushed himself off the wood, making for the rightmost stall. He swung it open and immediately shut it again after catching a glimpse of somebody in there.

“Oh gosh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” He stuttered out, turning to go. His breath picked up again. He really didn’t need someone to be mad at him right now. He couldn’t handle it. He opened the door, deciding that out there was better than in here.

“Wait.” The voice was deep and commanding. He froze, breath unsteady.

“Duder,” The boy said. Duder braced himself. He hadn’t mentally prepared to talk to anybody today. He took a second to think of how to talk casually to another kid of his age. He shut the door, hoping that maybe the boy would think he’d left.

“C’mere. Yo, Duder!” He sighed, gritted his teeth, and turned to face the bathroom. He knew that voice. The big, tall kid who Sami didn’t like. What did he want with Duder?

“H-hi Jim, I think i’m actually gonna- im gonna leave you alone, is that all right?” He kicked himself mentally for that. He instinctively added ‘is that all right’ to most of his sentences. He was always trying to make everyone happy. Why couldn’t he just do something for himself for once? The tall boy peeked over the stall door.

“I’m not pooping.” Duder gritted his teeth. Great, this guy wanted to talk to him. Duder muttered to himself, trying to build up the energy to talk to a person today. He reached for the handle on the stall and hesitated. Was this a trap? Was he gonna get his ass kicked? He sighed. His only option was to talk to this one kid, or talk to a bunch of kids out there. This seemed more manageable. He opened the door, slowly.

The walls of the stall were covered in photos of Jim. Jim himself wore some of the shittiest clothing Duder had ever seen in his life. The tall, dark haired boy smiled, and somehow, Duder felt immediately at ease.

“Duder. Welcome,” He said. Duder smiled.

“Woah man, this place is cool,” He leaned in, holding the door as support, to get a better look at some pictures. Most seemed to be Jim with some people Duder didn’t recognise. Probably from a different school.

“It’s my own little sanctuary,” Jim explained. Duder nodded his approval.

“I should’ve thought of doing something like this. Wow!” He smiled at Jim. He didn’t know why Sami didn’t like him. He seemed really nice.

“What did you call me over here for?” He asked. Jim perked up again, raising his hands to intensify his statement.

“I wanna play drums in your band,” He announced. Duder immediately got excited.

“Woah, that’s awesome! Yeah dude, we really need a-” His smile dropped as he remembered what he and Sami had decided that morning. “Oh uhm… I… I'm sorry. We’re done with Little White Lie. The band is disbanded, at least, for a while.” Jim’s grin faded into a frown as he nodded slowly.

“Why?” He asked. Duder opened his mouth and closed it again. He needed to make sure he didn’t spill the beans about stealing Kevin’s music.

“It’s… personal. Hard to explain. I’m sorry, man,” He said. Jim sighed and nodded, understanding.

“That sucks. Well… I thought your performance was great,” He said. “I would love it if you kept playing music. You guys have talent.” Duder smiled and looked away.

“Thanks. We- I mean, it’s always been my passion. I love performing. Your poetry was really good, too.” Duder restrained himself from talking about his love of preforming more. He really loved playing music. When he was in front of a crowd, all his awkwardness went away, and he felt like he could do anything. He didn’t get that wonderful feeling very often.

“Well, if you ever need a drummer, gimme a call,” Jim said, pulling out a piece of paper with his number scrawled down on it. Duder smiled and took it, tucking it in his pocket.

“I will. Thank you.” He turned to go, but something stopped him. He didn’t just want to leave Jim after turning him down. That seemed mean. And Jim didn’t make Duder feel nervous, like he felt when talking to a lot of people. That was special.

“Do you wanna have lunch with me and Sami?” He asked, turning back around. “I mean- if you don’t have people you usually sit with.” Jim’s face lit up.

“I usually just eat in here, but yeah, that’d be totally awesome.” Duder smiled back at him, feeling prideful from doing something good.

“Cool. We sit near Ms. Jenner’s room.” Jim nodded. Duder smiled and waved. Jim returned the gesture.

—

Sami extended her hand to ring the doorbell. Duder rocked back and forth, turning around to look behind him once more. He felt weird here. He and Sami didn’t belong here. Would people make fun of them? They’d look at him funny and think he was weird. He knew it. He felt sick. Sami’s finger was an inch away from pressing the button.

“Sami!” He whispered, finally building up the nerve to say something. He tried to push her hand away and she slapped him, glaring.

“Ow!” He exclaimed, pulling his hand close to him. He was just trying to help her out. He really didn’t feel like this was a good idea. Tanya had to have some sort of ulterior motive.

“What are we doing here?” He asked her as she reached for the doorbell again. “We don’t belong here!” He could see Sami getting more and more agitated, but he needed to convince her to leave. “We’re not cool!” He reminded her.

“‘Kay, we are cool now, Duder. We've become cool and now we have to deal with that” He shook his head, feeling scared and tired and sick. He felt like throwing up. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t just go in there and act natural around these people he barely knew. People who had mocked them their whole lives. How was Sami okay with this?

“I don’t wanna be cool!” He told her, voice quivering. He was scared. “Why are you being difficult? Please, can we just go home, Sami?”

She rang the doorbell.

Duder’s mind raced. Oh no. Oh no. He needed to get out of there before someone saw him. He looked around. He felt like screaming and crying, but he didn’t. Instead he just ran.

“Duder!” Sami called back.

“I’m leaving,” He told her, looking back at her only once before bolting away.

—

Duder heard keys jingling in the front door. He put down the comic book he was reading and checked the clock. It was too early for their parents to be back. It must be Sami. He peeked out of his bedroom. His sister made her way up the stairs and headed for her room.

“Hey Sami, how was the party?” He asked, following after her.

“Fine,” She responded, sounding irritated. He ran a hand through his hair as he followed her in. After running home, he’d felt really bad for leaving Sami behind all by herself. He was being a bad brother, he knew.

“Listen, Sami, I’m sorry for not going with you-”

“I said I'm fine!” She shouted, turning to face him. He stepped back. “God, I don’t need you to protect me, Duder! I don’t care that you left. I just think it’s stupid that you can’t handle this. This is our new life, you have to get used to it!” Duder was about to say sorry, instinctively, but he stopped himself. Why should he have to apologise for how he acted?

“You think I wanted to run away?” He shouted back at her. Sami’s eyes widened. Duder rarely fought back against her.

“Duder-”

“You think I like being scared all the time, not knowing what to do or say? You think I'm happy that my natural response to everything is to just run?!” Sami opened her mouth to speak, but Duder didn’t let her. He needed to let this out.

“No. Don’t say a damn word. I don’t want to hear whatever stupid advice you think is gonna help me. You don’t know me at all! Every day you act like I'm some loser who isn’t as cool or tough as you. I hate being the nice guy all the time! I just want to be like a regular dude who doesn't care what other people think. I never asked to be broken like this!” He yelled. Sami was silent.

“Broken?” She asked, all traces of malice gone from her voice. Duder was shaking.

“I don't-” He couldn’t find the words. He looked away and breathed in. “You wouldn’t get it. I don’t ever feel like I'm normal, Sami. There's just… just things that other people naturally know that I don't. It’s not easy for me to just talk to people. I don’t know how people are supposed to deal with… with anything. I don’t know why I get so tired after having to be social. All the time, everyday, I just feel like people are judging me and hating me. Even my friends. Even you.” He held back tears. Sami didn’t know what to say. Duder looked down.

Sami pulled her brother into a hug. He froze for a moment. Sami usually hated when people touched her. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d hugged. He regained his composure and hugged her back, savoring each second.

“I’m sorry that I got so mad,” She told him, sounding like she was on the verge of tears as well. “I… I yell at you because I think you can handle it, but sometimes I forget that things I say can hurt people as well… I… I'm sorry, I'm making this about me.” Duder shook his head.

“It’s okay,” He told her. He wasn’t just being polite. He had trouble empathizing with people as well. He understood that she was trying to comfort him. He appreciated that. Sami sniffed and sat down on her bed. She looked at Duder and scoffed, patting the space next to her.

“Sit down, idiot,” She said, lightheartedly. He obliged. They sat quietly for a moment, Duder fiddling with the seam on the bottom of his shirt.

“I get where you’re coming from,” Sami said, breaking the silence. “I don’t really know how to act like other girls my age. I think… I think maybe that's why I'm so shouty and stuff.” Duder nodded. “I’m sorry that you, uh- are having trouble adjusting,” She said.

“I just… I can’t do the same stuff as you,” Duder told her. “Mentally. I can’t handle being forced into this new situation super quickly. Don’t get me wrong- I'm super happy Little White Lie is doing so well. I just… I need a bit of time. To adjust.” Sami nodded.

“Okay. I’ll- I’ll try to take it easy on you. And if I yell- which I probably will- just know I'm not trying to be mean. I don’t know when it’s alright to say what I think, so I just kinda do it all the time. I guess… brutal honesty isn’t always the best.” Duder smiled.

“It’s okay. Better than more little white lies.” Sami nodded.

After a short awkward silence, they both stood up.

“Should I-? I should go,” Duder muttered. He glanced at his sister again, giving her a thumbs up.

“Oh! Uh, I meant to tell you, Toby wants to join our band!” Duder’s eyes lit up.

“Really! That’s awesome!” He fumbled in his pocket for the piece of paper he knew was in there.

“Oo, did a girl give you her number?” Sami asked, looking at the small note with a phone number scrawled on it. Duder shook his head, though his ears reddened.

“No, this is Jim’s number. Remember, he wanted to play drums for us? I’m gonna call him and tell him that he’s in.” Sami nodded to him and gave him a thumbs up. Duder smiled and did the same.

—

Duder walked with a bounce in his step as he and Jim looked around Sweetwater Records. He couldn’t believe it! Nigel wanted to record their song! Well, Kevin’s song. But still!

“You ok?” Jim asked. Duder looked back at him, confused. “You’re- uh- shaking your hands a lot,” Jim said. “And moving a lot.” Duder looked down. He hadn’t even realized. He’d been moving his hands up and down, back and forth in front of him. He dropped them and forced himself to stop moving his legs.

“Sorry. Sometimes I just… I do that when I get excited. Or overwhelmed. But usually when I'm excited. And I mean, why wouldn't I be excited right now! We’re gonna record our song!” Jim nodded, smiling.

“Hell yeah.” They continued looking around the shop. Duder tried to be more conscious of his movements. He didn’t want to seem weird. Did Jim think he was weird? He really hoped not. Jim was the first friend (other than Sami) that he’d had in years. He just felt so much happier when Jim was around. He didn’t want to do anything that could make him want to leave.

“Does that happen a lot?” Jim asked.

“Does what happen?”

“You moving your hands without realizing. When you’re excited.” Duder looked away, pretending to browse a shelf. He didn’t want to talk about this.

“Yeah, I guess. Look at this one!” He picked up a record, but Jim paid it no mind.

“At my old school- before I moved here, I had another friend who did that as well. A lot of people made fun of him for it.” Duder didn’t understand what he was trying to say.

“Sorry,” Jim said, practically reading Duder’s mind. “I just want you to know that I don’t think that’s weird. If it makes you happy, go ahead. I won’t judge you.” Duder smiled.

“Really?”

“Really.” Jim smiled back at him. Duder put the album back and continued to browse, not used to letting his guard down. He was so used to building up walls around himself to feel ‘normal’ around other people. Knowing that Jim didn’t care about him being a little weird felt… incredible. Freeing. He glanced back at the other boy, who was turned away from him, reading the back of a record. Jim was… he couldn’t even explain it. He guessed people avoided him because he was tall and his voice was scary. Duder didn’t think he was scary anymore. His voice was strangely comforting. He found himself staring as Jim browsed the music.

Ohhh crap. Duder knew this feeling. He’d first felt it in fourth grade. He’d had a crush on this girl in his class, Mary. Was this the same feeling? It couldn’t be. Jim was a guy. This was just friendship.

“Ready to go?” Jim asked, suddenly right next to Duder. He jumped away from him.

“A- uh- yeah. Yeah.” Jim looked at him for a second before shrugging it off and leading them out of the store. Duder mumbled to himself, pushing his sudden realization to the back of his mind. That was a problem for later.

—

"What's wrong?" Duder asked, wiping some ice cream off of his face. He glanced over at Sami. She loved ice cream, he couldn't understand why she hadn't come with him and Jim to get some. Sami resisted the urge to say 'nothing'. She needed to be more open with Duder, and less defensive. He was all she had.

"Kevin wrote a love song about me," She told him, holding up the sheet music. "Toby found it and played it for me, and I made up some lie about writing it for myself. I just-" She sighed. "I feel really bad. About everything. Especially now knowing that he liked me." Duder sat himself down in Sami's desk chair and looked over the music.

"Oh crap. Yeah, that's… wow." He handed it back to her. "But hey, let's talk about something more positive. Toby came and sung for you? He sang a love song to you?" Sami smiled and looked away, though she still seemed sad.

"Yeah. It was pretty awesome."

"So, was it a good date?"

"Shut up! It wasn't a date," Sami told him, though she was smiling more genuinely now. "How was your date with Jim?" She asked, joking around. Duder felt his chest tighten. He knew she was just joking, but the idea of being on a date with Jim brought a lot of emotions. Definitely a lot of fear, but a lot of joy, too. He could tell his face was heating up.

"It- we- not a- we didn't get any records. and then we got ice cream," He said, shaking his head. Sami noticed how odd he sounded.

"You good?" She asked him. Duder contemplated whether he should tell her for about two seconds before deciding that he had to. Sami was literally the only other person he could talk to about this.

"I think I like Jim!" He told her clenching his hands and gritting his teeth. Sami looked surprised for a moment, but then nodded.

"Like, like like him?" She asked, just to clarify.

"Yeah," Duder told her. "Is that weird?"

"Of course not!" Sami told him. "Well, it's kinda weird that you like him. He kinda freaks me out." She said. Duder felt relived, knowing that Sami didn't care if Jim was a boy. She just cared about his bad taste.

"He's really nice," Duder defended, smiling.

"He's so tall!" Sami told him, laughing and motioning with her hands how tall his was.

"Hey- I don't judge your taste in guys!" Duder told her. Sami scoffed, though she was still smiling.

"Whatever. My taste is awesome." They sat there, smiling in silence for a moment. Everything felt perfect. No matter what happened, they had eachother. And that was all they could really ask for.

#little white lie #starkid #Duder reese #sami reese

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