#STOP I KNOW ITS JUST SAYING THE HC BUT THE SINGLE GAY IS SO FUNNY TO ME

[ajxrn-archive]

ANYWAYS FOR THE SHIPS ASK. Diluc or Eula >:3

okokok >:3

•Diluc

Ship: I mainly ship Zhongluc!! They are my sillies. Tho I am very big on Chiluc too (I prefer chaeya but I love my toxic yaoi.) Im not too big on Jeanluc but I do headcanon they had cute awkward crushes as teens lmaoaoao

Sexuality headcanon: Gay, he recently found out.

•Eula

Ship: Eulamber my sillies!!!! I fucking love them sm. Tho a friend told me about Eula/Rosaria and I can see the appeal omg,,

Sexuality hc: lesbian! Though she is mostly closeted except for a few friends because of her family.

[vypridae]

You seem to be the only one making brokerdoll (thanks for the ship name btw) content, and I wanted to know if you have any more headcannon s, or just general thoughts on the ship. I'm starved for content

okay a. you are so welcome for the ship name i shit you not i spent like ten minutes just being like WHAT DO I CALL THEM because i couldn't figure out a word that would go well with "doll" (as velvette's ship names tend to have in them)

ANYWAY!! HEADCANONS !! i had a post uuuh here (that took me so much longer to find than it should have) of some hcs but here are some more!! (if this took forever to get out i apologize my brain is working at 2 wpm rn and sometimes thinking of hcs is hard)

after they started dating, carmilla starts buying velvette clothes she sees that she thinks velvette will love

spoiler alert: every single piece she buys for vel is exactly her style

i like to imagine carmilla is pleasantly rich, even in comparison to the other overlords, because her weapons and parts and whatnot just sell super well

so she gets so much money to spoil velvette with and she UTILIZES it

velvette's love language i imagine is acts of service or getting gifts (she knows they love her when they get her stuff) and carmilla's is gift giving, which neither of them seemed to realize until velvette literally squealed in joy when carmilla bought her a jewellery set she'd been wanting for FOREVER

also since singing is apparently just a canon thing in the hazbin universe, i cannot for the life of me stop imagining pre-relationship velvette sneaking vox's camera footage from inside carmilla's bunker(?) (of which he got velvette, conveniently, to put there after the overlord meeting) onto her phone just to listen to carmilla sing over and over and over again.

vox and val HAVE walked into her room to see her with her phone sitting on her dresser, watching the same footage of carmilla singing out for love for the 138147985th time

(they don't question it because lets be real they have their obsessions too)

post-relationship, velvette probably posts a bunch of fake online drama about her and carmilla because she thinks its funny to see people being like OMG??? WHAT NO WAY

carmilla is like "cariño why are you posting that we broke up. again." and velvette is like "just for funsies, babe <3"

velvette probably ends up showing carmilla how to use social media because let's be so fr she probably has no clue

velvette loves running her fingers through carmilla's hair and probably has just as much fun actually doing it up as carmilla has with velvette's

painting nails ?? carmilla paints velvette's and paints little white swirl designs over the black polish and velvette draws cute little pink hearts on carmilla's

(yes, they do both get questioned about it)

velvette probably wanted to start a friends w/ benefits (or enemies with benefits) relationship with carmilla but she knew for a fact carmilla would deny INSTANTLY

ok look they aren't married but matching rings ... carmilla wears hers as a necklace and velvette shows off her ring (that she keeps saying is "marriage proposal material" when its not) to literally everyone forever

possessive carmilla? only slightly. she glares daggers and probably throws said daggers at anyone who tries anything to velvette

pre-relationship velvette pining she progressively started sitting closer and closer to carmilla during meetings until she was in the chair next to her like zestial is during ep 3

(she lies out her ass and says it's "so i can annoy her easier, obviously" but she's just gay)

(carmilla starts noticing when velvette starts arriving to meetings earlier rather than later so she can get the seat she wants)

also velvette probably ended up convincing staticmoth to stay away from overlord meetings specifically so they can't tease her for being head over heels in hate-love with carmilla when she's in the same vicinity as her (of which they agree with because its more time for them to do What Ever The Fuck Their Gay Asses Do)

(also vox has cameras set up at the meeting room)

(guess who gets teased to heaven and back by two (2) overlords when she gets home)

(they both know the struggles of a weird obsession with another demon, they know how to poke and prod at velvette until she admits her gayness to them)

they probably ended up convincing her to confess tbh

(which doesnt happen for Several Years, probably)

either that, or carmilla finds a letter on her chair in the meeting room signed "~V" and opens it and it just says "we should be homos" or something stupid like that AJHAKASHJ

firm hc that velvette cannot confess for her fucking life . she doesnt like being vulnerable

lucky for her, carmilla 100% sends back a letter thats signed with "C. Carmine" and says "We can date, if that's what you mean by "being homos"" or something HAHAHASGFJ

[justanisabelakinnie]

Fandom Lesbophobia

No but the way fandom treats lesbianism, whether canon lesbian characters or characters headcanoned as lesbians, or ships involving lesbians(whether canon or fanon) is fucking whack. 

Whenever a female character is canonically confirmed to be a lesbian, “fans” will always go the whole nine yards in trying to prove that the character is bi; they’ll always headcanon the character as bi and ship them with men. If you politely tell them that the character is a lesbian they’ll snap at you and call you biphobic or say there’s no proof of that or that “everyone can have their headcanons regardless” not when it’s actively erasing a canon sexuality being represented, ya dipshits. I can’t think of a single gay female character I’ve seen that hasn’t been called bi or even straight or had their sexuality dismissed by being shipped with men: Apple White, Tomoyo Daidouji, Robin Buckley, Amity Blight, Velma Dinkley, the list goes on and on. 

Even when the character isn’t canonically a lesbian but is headcanoned as such people seem super against it and will be super bothered by it for some reason. Like they’ll always ask you “why” you hc the character as a lesbian and say “but she could be bi!” And yeah, she could, but what’s so wrong with me seeing her as a lesbian? Why not just make your own post about the character being bi? And then they’ll go on to derail your post by talking about how much they ship the female character with a man. Why are you so offended at the possibility of a female character not being attracted to men? Why do all women have to be available to men, even in fiction? 

Imo people seem to hate lesbian headcanons the most, even compared to other headcanons. It’s as if a female character being unattracted to men completely intimidates them and/or is something they can’t comprehend, whether it’s canon or not. Just looking at the Encanto TikTok, when it comes to queer headcanons, fans on there seem to hate the lesbian Isabela one the most. And no, I’m not talking about Colombians who don’t want the message of the movie to be erased, I’m talking about people who simply don’t like the headcanon because they are homophobic/lesbophobic. Maybe it’s just me being an Isabela simp and looking at more content of Isabela and since I’m a lesbian the headcanon I tend to look at the most is Isabela being a lesbian as well(especially since I also have the headcanon myself), but I see it all the time, even more so than hatred for Mirabel being bi or Camilo being genderfluid even though the latter is possibly the most baseless. 

Like I am so sick of people getting mad at others for headcanoning Isabela as a lesbian and using Bubo as an excuse even though his character is a rough draft and not canon. And it’s funny as well because most people don’t even like Bubo. Bring him up to an Encanto fan and they’ll instantly say they dislike him. But suddenly you want him to be with Isabela because it’s still better than Isabela being a lesbian. I even saw someone’s account receive death threats, attacks, and hatred just because they headcanoned Isabela as a lesbian, and it culminated in them taking down all their Isabela lesbian content and uploading an apology video instead, and all the comments were saying “it’s okay I forgive you now that you understand” WHAT?! So you only feel bad that she received hate because she no longer has the headcanon? It’s fine for her to receive death threats as long as she does have it though because she deserves it for thinking a fictional fucking female character isn’t attracted to men. Fucking sickening. 

Don’t even get me started on how much more popular slash generally is compared to femslash. Because as we all know if a relationship doesn’t have men at its center then it’s not worth paying attention to and not to mention people will attack you for having the ship all the time as well. Even if it is canon don’t think that will stop fandom from tearing the ship apart and pairing one or both characters with boys. Alternatively very often slash pairers will only ship f/f ships to get them out of the way of their slash ship, and I’ve seen a lot of fics while looking for a femslash pair that I want that are tagged as such but only have that relationship in the background/as secondary. And the main and “foreground” ship is always an m/m ship every. single. time. This post goes into it in more detail so that I don’t have to, but the point is made that it’s so upsetting because this all directly stems from centering of men in society as well as fandom. idk it just frustrates me. And I wish this was acknowledged more. 

TLDR: I’m tired, please just respect lesbian characters more in fiction and let people have their lesbian headcanons and ships, that is all. Lesbians deserve better. 

[zelink-and-loz]

hc dump (mostly botw)

some of these are imagine your otp things i found on tumblr btw!! or inspired by them at least! not all ideas here are entirely mine... but mostly they are originals ^^ feel free to be inspired by these :>

most of the ones that refer to zelda and Link as they/thems are from imagine your otp prompts!

help Zelda subtly flirting and Link taking a moment to realize she's flirting and then just being like 'ᵒʰ'

post calamity Link is blunt and honest about being in love with zelda and she gets so flustered about it

wheras pre-calamity link is flustered and shy about anything LIKE flirting

Headcannon that Link got the master sword and almost immediately named it Fi (he never told anyone though.) he just sort of felt that that was what it was meant to be called. Like how i hc he knows Saria's song but not how he knows it or where it came from.

mxmtoon’s ‘Better than u’ is If revali was a song

revali is gay for link you cant convince me otherwise

link is oblivious to this fact though (really only urbosa notices lmao)

hc  that Zelda bought a kalimba once bc she thought it was cool & it looked pretty and Link thought it was really neat so he tried to play it & he played saria's song on it pErfectly and he has no idea how (but sarias song is weird and at this point he just sort of accepts it) and he teaches himself Zelda's Lullaby bc he knows its important to her somehow & she wakes up while he’s playing once & shes so touched and every now and then when shes feeling down he'll play the kalimba for her. 

and when she cant sleep he always plays zelda's lullaby and it always helps

o v e r p r o t e c t i v e   Link because he has anxiety... Link with ptsd... Skyward Sword Link having extreme self esteem issues after the whole thing with Impa... Link but he has ISSUES

but seriously im obSESSED with Skyward sword link having major self esteem issues after the whole thing w/ impa 

and then after the events of the game Zelda helps him get over it!!!!!!!

ok hc that they each remember every single (accidental or purposeful) time they flirted w eachother if it was accidental they usuall y realize it between like a minute and a week later but they p much always realize it also they really hope that the other doesnt remember bc that would be EMBARRASING and (getting into possible au territory here bc i STILL DONT KNOW IF THEY HAD TIME TO CATCH U P POST CALAMITY >:( STILL ANGERY ABUOT THAT LIKW WHEN IS BOTW 2 GONA COEM OUT ND HAND ME THE TASTY LORE) post-calam link talks abt p much ALL of those moments when he tells zelda what he remembers and shes like 'wtf he remembres that  skndnvbdvtlghtfw'

like when they call the other cute or hot or say sometging sappy

omg he also tells Zelda abt how Urbosa kept teasing him abt her and shes like 'LMAO THATS WHY YOU TOLD ME TO MAKE HER STOP GIVING U DARES' (bc urbosa always dared him to kiss zelda or tell her he loved her or something stupid likr that bc urbosa 10000% shipped them so like shut up im 109% right)

i love Zelda and Urbosa's relationship so much... Urbosa is likr a very cool aunt but also a mother figure but also a best friend to Zelda and her callig Zelda little bird bc thats what zelds' mother called her before she died...when i think about it sassy muscle woman is so sad she probably tells Zelda about her mother bc Urbosa and Zelda's mom were like. besties or whatever before Zelds' mom died also the cutscene where Urbosa is sitting with Zelda and Zelda is fallen asleep and Urbosa tells link to make sure she stays safe... muscle woman makes me feel sad 

but also shes sassy and funny!!! immediately after the heartfelt moment where she told link to take care of zelda or whatever she said i dont remember exactly, she wakes zelda up by making thunder in the distance and then laughs at Zelda lmfao 

ALSO SHES SEEN LINK GIRLBOSSING IN THE GERUDO WOMAN OUTFIT LMFAO 

You know she told him he was slaying in that outfit 

 you KNOW IT 

Zelda canonically never saw him in it but i want to know what her reaction would be shed probably like laugh and tell him he looked cute and then hed be all embarrassed like o///o but also inside hed be so happy like OMG OMG OMG SHE THINKS IM CUTE dOES SHE REALLY MEAN iT

Link is able to play Sarias song on any instrument even if he doesnt know how to play the instrument at all. just instinctually

like he'll play sarias song perfectly anf then not be able to make a decent note come out lmao

but he taught himself how to play the kalimba because. he likes it

OK SO they're in a carraige anf some Yiga attacked it anf while he was fighting they hurt him and almos t got to Zelda so he shook as all hell (and also ADRENALIN E RUSH his body doesnt realize theyre safe and done fighting yet. probably bc he doesnt quite beleive that lmao-) and he just needs some chill. ᴮᵘᵗ ʰᵉ ᵖʳᵒᵖᵃᵇˡʸ ⁿᵉᵉᵈˢ ˢᵒᵐᵉ ˢˡᵉᵉᵖ So Zelda's sitting next to him anf after a few minutes of watching him sort of freakinf out and beig all jittery and fidgety (also he keeps touching the master sword bc. i hvae a hc that it comforts him. Fi sword Fi sword) Zelds just reaches over and pulls him closer to her and puts her hands over his ears anf tells him to chill out like "hey. you're alright. we're both ok. you need to calm down... and maybe take a nap." anf he starts breathinf more slowly and he stops fidgeting anf eventualy he closes his eyes and he falls asleep anf leans his head on Zelds' shoulder He wakes up when they get near the castle but he doesnt sit up until just before the (whatever u call the dude that opens the door for important ppl) opens the door. Anf he doesnt tell her btu hes really grateful for her helpinf him calm down bc the few times before whne he got like that (whne he was younger, before he became tge appointed knight) hed just had to wait for it to go away 

childhood trauma go brrr

ok so Post-calam link is telling zelda abt dreams he remembers (from pre-calam) and hes like 'im pretty sure i dreamed we were gonna get married, and then i woke myself up because i didnt think you could ever want to.' and shes like '..why wouldnt i?' and he just shrugs anf moves closer to her and leans his head on her shoulder 

lmfao precalam link would have been an absolute blushinf MESS if shed said shit like that back then

first time they were riding in a carraige together, Link sat between Zelda and Urbosa instead of between Zelda and King Rhoam or standing on the other side of the carraige, and Urbosa assumed it was because he didnt trust her (which she was not pleased about bc shes very close to zelda anf always has been and shes probably one of the people you could trust the MOST) but after a while she notices that he's actually just uncomfortable with the King. But still wants to be with Zelda. Urbosa definitely feels better abt it after that bc. he trusts her more than the actual king of hyrule

Ganon giving Link horrifying and super exadgerated nightmares about him (Ganon) dying in horrifying ways because when he died is a good song and i like lemon demon. also maybe about alt timeline links dying?

also?? 'when he died an endless age of untold nightmares would be nigh, and the blood would make the seas run red.' sounds suspiciously like what Demise said when SSLink killed him... also the bit abt the drawing of the clown with the date on the back could be a drawing by young Link (oot)

Link knows morse code and occasionally says things by tapping the wall or floor or a table. he's usually saying things to zelda although she doesnt know morse code (which he is well aware of) and thinks hes just fidgeting. He usually says stuff like 'i love you' or 'you look pretty' because he's too shy to say them aloud. 

Urbosa taught herself morse code (about a month or so before the calamity) because she realized that that's what he was doing and when she figured out what he was doing she was like 'awwwwwwwwww!!!!!!' and she didn't tell anyone (including him) that she knew what he was saying. 

post-calamity, he's probably retained this habit although he usually does it without thinking and when he notices that he's doing it he'll just say whatever it was out loud. Eventually he'd tell Zelda about it and try to teach her morse code so that whenever he starts doing it she knows what he's saying   

 also whenever someone else is tapping the table or kicking or something he just hears it as 'E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E' or random letters which sometimes annoys him and sometimes he thinks its hilarious

by the way i had this headcannon that without his memories fully intact Link acts different and talks more and i much more confident and comfortable and i found out IT’S ACTUALLY CANNON. MY HEADCANNON IS CANONICAL HELP-- and there is no way i could have seen that information before and just forgotten that i’d seen it because the only place i’ve ever heard about it is in one loz video that quoted something in an official book which i have never read any of the contents of (I WANNA BUY IT SO BAD THO)

ok i was just thinking and the first thought Link had when he woke in the shrine of resurection was probably just 'what' or something along the lines of it. i mean. how would YOU react if a weird disembodied voice woke you from a nice sleep?

his last thought as he passed out before he was taken there can go one of 2 directions. 'well, fuck' or 'i failed' 

i dont like the second one

ok revali hc: Link makes a mug of warm milk and leaves it on the counter and when he comes back after like an hour its empty and hes like >> 'w e r i d' and the next night he decides to make another one anf leave it on purpose this time anf its empty again and the third night he watches from the doorway and it was revali drinking the milk and now every time revali is at the castle Link (at the same time every night) makes him a mug of milk and leaves it out for birdman because he is a good person. OH And when Link gets hurt while Revali is at the castle, Revali goes for his mug of milk anf its not there and he realizes it was Link making it and he gets a little bit gayer inside.

Ravioli is such a dick smh Link stop beinf nice to him 

Link just laying on Zelda's floor staring at her and when she decides to stare back, after like 10 seconds he just sticks his hands out in her direction like '..i can haz hug' And this is completely normal anf she just goes over and pulls him up and drags him over and sits down at her desk again with Link just sitting next to her chair w his head on her leg or something anf she rubs his head while she works. like 80% of the reason he does it is bc hes too tired/lazy to get up but he still wants affection and the rest of the reason is a mix between 'i dont want to force my company on her if she doesnt want me there' and 'will she still do that thing if i do this'

Zelda says 'You're very tiresome, you know..' And Link just makes a confused face and says under his breath '...im not tired' and Zelda bursts out laughing- /srs this isnt joking like a lot of my ‘headcannons’ are this is a legitimate headcannon

CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link!! and child Mipha! litle tiny fish girl zoomin around pretending to be an ambulance (i know there arent any ambulances but fuck you maybe theres carraiges with sirens) she notices he’s hurt and runs over anf fixes his scratch or his bruise or whatever w/ her magic and then she s just like 'wee woo wee woo' and runs around the kingdom some more looking for anyone else hurt (but keeping an eye on Link and mostly staying nearby him)

i love child link and mipha,,, 

(zelink is still better tho sorry fishwife)

zelda calling link goblin/gremlin as like an affectionate little nickname

hekp zelda stroking the back of links hand anf its kinda numb so its that weirdly pleasant soft and knid of tickly feeling and hes just like O//--//O

slightly weird one imo but i absolutely *love it* anyways so fuck you

ok but link stretching like a cat and zelda being so amused by it. i love this

  Imagine Zelds buying some mistletoe, hanging it up in their house, and then trying with increasingly less subtlety as time goes on to get Link underneath it so they can steal a kiss, while Link remains blissfully oblivious, and somehow manages to miss all of Zelds’s hints. 

 would be later in their relationship obvi

Link has gone through some form of major trauma and abuse while Zelda wasn’t able to help. Months after Link is safe again, they continue to have nightmares and flashbacks to the event and find it hard to trust people anymore. Zelds is heartbroken but slowly helps Link learn to love again and be themself.

LITERALY THIS ONE IS SKYWARD SWORD LINK THOUGH???????????????

my hc about him having awful self esteem :0

After a long day, Link sleepily crawls into bed with Zelda, who is absorbed in a book. Link lays their head on Zelda’s shoulder, and occasionally reads a page of Zelds’ book while lapsing into a deep sleep. Once Zelds finds out Link is asleep, they gently lay Link down, cover them, and turn out the light.

Zelds sitting cross-legged on the couch with a pile of bows and hair ties in their lap, messing with Link’s hair, while Link is sitting on the floor, laughing at Zelds’s antics.

Link is in a bad mood and is mumbling a list of things they don’t like about themself under their breath. Zelds notices and chimes in with a way longer list of things they like/love about Link.

ok so i added more to this and also did it once with each of them because it’s just?? good

ok so first one hed be like whispering to himself and curled up or something by himself and Zelda finds him and hears what hes saying and softly starts listing the good things about him and she hugs him and then i cry because AAAAAAAAAAAAA /pos

Zelda is in a bad mood and is mumbling a list of things they don’t like about themself under their breath. Link notices and chimes in with a way longer list of things they like/love about Zelds.

second one, Zelda is working feverishly and whispering problems and she just sort of spirals into problems and things she doesnt like about herSELF and how her powers arent working and whats gonna happen if she cant pull herself together and figure out whats wrong and Link is there but she sort of forgets and the first thing he says is related to whatever she's just said (saying its wrong) and then shes like 'wait hes here i forgot  and he slowly starts listing other things and eventually hes just quickly and steadily listing things he likes about her and after like 3 or 4 minutes she just pulls him up into a hug and he cuts off like '!!!' but when hes stops being startled he just relaxes and enjoys the hug and he doesnt realize but Zelds........REALLY needed that. like. he knows she needed it but she REALLY needed that she was losing it

child link & mipha one!!!! Link has scars on their back/shoulders/arms (prob from fighting, being clumsy, animals, random stuff) One day Link has their back exposed, and Mipha gives their shoulder a kiss. When Link asks what Mipha is doing, Mipha replies “no one has ever kissed them better before, so I’m doing it now.” 

the children </3

but zelink is better sorry mipha

Zelda is up late at night, trying to figure something out or studying, when Link comes up from behind them with a cup of tea, gives them a hug, and tells them good night.

i'm! sobbing! 

Zelda learns a bit of kalimba music offers to teach Link how to play, unaware that Link is already a fairly talented kalimba player himself. Link accepts so he has an excuse to spend time with Zelds but gets discovered one day when Zelda wakes up to him playing Saria's song and then Zelda's lullaby 

 SO BASICALLY MY HC BUT LIKE WITH MORE SETUP 

also it was piano in the prompt thing but i edited it bc it was too perfect

Link wakes up in the middle of the night, shaking, breathing heavily, maybe even crying. Zelds wakes up as well, immediately knows what is happening and starts cuddling Link.

Link just chilling out or pouting or something likr that and just sitting somewhere, and Zelda coming along and seeing him and just randomly deciding to give him a hug and he's surprised (hes usually the one bothering her for attention or hugging her randomly) but ofc he enjoys it and when she lets go hes like 'what did i miss?' and she just chuckles and says 'nothing.' and he gives her a second shorter hug and decides to go take a nap.

the nap has no significance to the hc he just takes naps a lot

OMG Link has a little mini garden thing in a clearing in some woods near the castle with like 4 plants that he just found next to eachother and one that he moved (just random little wildflowers) and he takes care of them for at least like 15 minutes every day (unless something important is happening) and Zelda notices him leaving to go take care of them one day and shes like 'wher e is he goinf' because he hasnt told anyone and she sees him gardening and just sits down (he has his back to her anf hes not paying attention bc hes focused on the flowers) anf he turns around anf goes  and shes like 'ᵗʰᵉʸ'ʳᵉ ᵛᵉʳʸ ᵇᵉᵃᵘᵗᶦᶠᵘˡ' and Link just goes 

'...ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏˢ' 

and he finishes gardening and they walk home together

BONUS, next time Link gets badly hurt or sick she's getting ready to leave and links like 'where are you going?' and shes like 'im gonna go check on your garden' and hes like 'oh make sure you dont water joans too much' and shes like 'what????' and he goes 'oh thats the orange and blue one' and then he starts telling her about all his plants and their names and internally shes like 'omg this is so cute' and she listens to him talk for like 40 minutes about his plants (he probably has like 7 or something by then) and then he gets tired and shes like 'go to sleep little goblin' and he does and she does her best to take care of the plants how he does. They dont die or anything they end up being ok that time and every time that he gets confined to bed (or stays in her room resting which is much more common) for more than 2 days she'll go check on his garden and water it.

also the extra stuff is longer than the actual hc. what 

Zelda is having a really tough/exhausting/just generally bad day. Link can tell just by looking at them, so when Zelds is busy with their work/activity, Link runs and gets Zelds nice smelling things like flowers and stuff, a blanket, and a mug of milk (he doesnt know how to make anything else lmao). Link shows up like “I know you’ve had a bad day and it’s part of my job to make sure you’re okay” and Zelds just sorta stands there like “how did I get so lucky.” 

and probably gives him a hug

Link and Zelda go to a bookstore and Link has *no* interest in books and stuff but he pretends he cares and tries to show interest. He's mostly just really happy to see Zelds enjoying herself.

i’m probably gonna do a second one of these with writing prompts and stuff!! i have 2 channels in my discord server for headcannons and writing prompts and stuff but i get carried away with my headcannons a lot and end up making them super long so some of these probably belong in the prompts/writing one instead... (looking at ths gardening one specifically lmao) but!! im lazy! :D hope you liked reading this, and hopefully the misspelling isnt TOO bad lmao. ..................this is so long help

[edsbev]

give me richie first realizing his feelings for eddie hcs pls

i’d like to think that its rlly mundane. like nothing rlly changes, richie just realises it one day

theyre probs studying in richies room. well eddie is studying. richie gave up 20 minutes ago and is lying on his bed, throwing a ball up and down lazily

theres a big test coming up soon and eddie is s t r e s s e d

“can you stop throwing that fucking ball its so distracting,” eddie says into his homework. richie doesnt stop. eddie spins around in his chair. “richie did you hear me i said stop.” 

but richie just grins and keeps throwing it. annoying eddie is probably his fave past time

only because he likes it when eddie glowers at him. like eddie is doing right now. that little grumpy face he pulls is funny. 

“i know you dont care abt school but im trying to not fucking fail this class i mean if i fail it i could potentially have to re-do the whole year and then i’ll graduate a year later than i should and then i’ve set my whole life back–” eddie rambles in that fast-talking, no-breathing way he does, where he doesnt leave any spaces between his words, and needs to pause to suck in a deep breath after a few moments or else he’ll pass out.

richie watches him. the way eddies nose wrinkles, his eyebrows tug downwards, in his irritation. the way eddies hair - which is usually very neat - falls over his forehead, mussed up from him anxiously running his hands through it. 

eddie pauses to suck in a deep breath between his words, and as he inhales it gets caught in his throat. and he says, raspy, “fuck i need my inhaler.” then he fumbles around in his pockets for it. “this is your fuckin fault richie”

and its just all so very eddie that a warm wave of affection crashes over richie. 

eddie takes a few quick puffs from his inhaler then points it threateningly at richie and jumps straight back to ranting at him

and richie thinks, cute.

only he doesnt rlly think it. that warm wave of affection kind of pools in richies stomach, in his chest, and he just gets a feeling. a kind of, im finding my best friend rlly cute right now kind of feeling. 

and as soon as he feels it, his brain goes into a panic and he tries not to feel it. 

because uh…what? he does not think his best friend is cute that’d just be weird

he looks away from eddie, goes back to throwing the ball up and down. this time as a way to calm some of the nervousness thats starting to make his arms jittery

“did u rlly not just listen to a single word i said?” eddie snaps.

“no” richie says. 

“ughhh.” richie can tell that eddie is rolling his eyes, but he doesnt look at him, because his brain is threatening to find eddie cute again.

annoyed, eddie gets up from the desk, marches over to richie, and tries to snatch the ball away. without thinking, richie grabs the ball, stretches his arm up and behind his head, his hand bumping against the bed’s headrest. 

and well thats a dumb fucking idea. because eddie hmmphs, looks at richie in determination, then leans over him, trying to grab at richies hand. 

and. so. richie literally had a brief moment of gay panic abt his best friend like 2 seconds ago. and now he’s managed to get said best friend almost on top of him. and eddies t-shirt is brushing against richies face, and he smells good and that warmth in richies belly just gets hotter and richie has literally made this ten times worse for himself

“get off me get off get off,” richie says quickly, pushing eddie away. eddie stumbles back, surprised. 

“what?” eddie asks. 

richies heart is absolutely racing. what the fuck is happening?? where the hell did this come from?? sure hes always liked eddie a lot but thats bc theyre best friends!! nothing has changed it just doesnt make sense he must just be overreacting –

“just give me the ballll,” eddie says, not sensing richies internal freak out. he pokes richies arm, only he kinda misses, so his fingertips just brush against the bare skin of richies bicep instead. a million goosebumps prick up all over richies body at the touch. which is not how richie has reacted to eddie touching him before. at all. maybe he’ll feel a little warm and fuzzy when he and eddie touch but this is…he swallows thickly…this feels like…

experimentally, richie looks at eddies lips. which are currently pursed a little in eddies confusion. and richie, as an experiment, imagines leaning over and pressing his mouth to those pursed lips. 

his stomach flips right over and falls to his knees. 

ok. his cheeks burn red. fuck. his breathing quickens. looks away. this is new, this is new, is it new? yes ofc its fucking new. he wants to kiss eddie. thats new

“you ok?” eddie asks. 

“uh” when richie glances back, he can see that eddies expression has softened a little. and that just makes the feeling in his gut even stronger. 

he throws the ball across the room. “there you go.” he says. eddie raises an eyebrow. but says nothing. and richie doesnt breathe again until eddie has turned away. 

and as eddie grabs the ball, settles back down at the desk, richie falls back against the bed. stares up at the ceiling. blood pounding in his ears, his feelings for eddie exposed, surging up in his throat. and he thinks….this actually explains a lot

[gaygwenpool]

give me literally All Headcanon for that post for Mysterio p l e a s e (also, for the one of my choosing, whether or not you hc he commentates movies while watching them or insists on ABSOLUTE SILENCE)

:D!!! my sweet boy, BLESS you nonnie! 

◉ whether or not you hc he commentates movies while watching them or insists on ABSOLUTE SILENCE IS A FANTASTIC QUESTION IVE BEEN LITERALLY LAUGHIN ABOUT IT ALL DAY THANK YOU

   Both actually! if you try to comment on the plot or react to an actor, immediately you get rudely shushed with the most scorching glare because how DARE you, focus on the ~ART~ you heathen!!! but also the Moment a slightly more advanced special effect takes place, he is all hoppin on his seat excitedly explaining how it’s done and how genius that is, how would he improve on it and how another movie dealt with it, the dialogue for the big plot reveal goin on the screen be damned :’D Also as the movie advances, he starts gettin more and more into long passionate rants either complaining about the lack/surfeit of respect the creators got, how arrogant this one actor is and how he doesnt respect his cues and so on….. lots of the stuff he says is actually pretty interesting but yeah, if you counted on just enjoying the movie, tough luck 

   He really likes watchin movies with people but prefers to see the movie first on his own at least once, to really focus on it. Often, he will watch a movie in the livin room while others do their own thing and he will comment on the good scenes, however if you agreed to actually watch somethin with him and got distracted during screening or worse, was on your phone?? you are dead to him. (and you can expect some …unpleasant surprises in the upcoming days)   

im gonna put the rest under the readmore cuz this is gettin long ^^;;

[ask meme]

☾ - sleep headcanon

Beck is the UGLIEST sleeper, he is the worst. He snores loudly, drools, moves, KICKS, mumbles and has the most vivid wildest dreams. (it happens rarely but sometimes he’ll dream about somethin, wake up and for a while be convinced it actually happened, you know like when you dream about arguing with your friend and being mad at them the next day etc) On the other hand, sometimes, all his features relax, he loses the scowl and looks surprisingly peaceful and happy… oh and he hogs the blanket.  

His sleep schedule is a fuckin mess, he is able to go like the whole week on few hours of sleep total when he is workin on a project but other days he gets grumpy if he doesnt get his 10h of beauty sleep every night.. 

★ - sad headcanon

uhhh i dont actually have much sad stuff for this boy yet, he brings me so much joy that i dont have the heart for that :’’’D (also i like him and chameleon team ups and Dmitri brings enough angst to the table for the both of them)

He really actually died that one time and went to hell (though in Patchwork, im not gonna keep everythin about that Daredevil plot, i really like Mysti being dangerous and actually a worthy opponent but most of it was too fucked up for my tastes…) and well… it wasnt great :’D  it mostly targeted his insecurities about his own talent he buried so deep he almost stopped believing them, the lack of respect and recognition and him willingly throwing away any chance he had at those by becoming Mysterio and of course everything that happened with his ex Brick Johnson…

☆ - happy headcanon

blease consider: autistic Quentin !!!!!!

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

he doesnt have a hair trigger temper like Ock or Electro but Damn does this boy holds grudges over literally everything :’D lots of overcomplicated, carefully crafted revenge plots just for eating the last yogurt in the fridge… He gets frustrated easily, getting snappy and rude, especially if people are not listening to him, but it’s often about the pettiest things, the bigger stuff doesnt affect him as much.  

He doesnt enjoy violence for the sake of violence but he is not above it either, everythin is allowed for his big performance…… he can be quite a good n friendly boss if you listen to his orders and work well but can just as much set you up to die in an explosion, all while smiling and patting you on the back… 

✿ - Sex headcanon

my Mysterio is gay as hell but also somewhere on the ace spectrum… not sex-repulsed but definitely not a high drive either (he feels oddly smug about that, like look at those fools trying to get into each others’ pants, how pathetic, *I* in the meantime have time for things that Truly matter, like recreating every Xmen battle ever with only straws and gum.) 

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

listen, i basically grew up on those “the entire villain team lives in a single place - shenanigans ensue” fics so im not givin up on the Sinister Six HQ, okay. (Chameleon usually finds them a suitable house with enough rooms, as luxurious as their current fonds allow, and he prides himself in putting in lil personal touches that he knows the sin six members would enjoy, for Quentin it’s often very obscure movies, rare memorabilia from his favorite ones, stuff for his illusions, a stolen Oscar…) 

 When these are unavailable (aka superheroes got them busted) or when he aint in the middle of a crime job, he usually stays at one of the Cham’s safehouses (with or without him) and in a few of them, he already has his own dedicated room with some of his fav old tricks on display. Speakin of which, he has a BIG warehouse with most of his setups and stages or at least models. He doesnt really plan on reusing them but he likes having them all together 

♡ - romantic headcanon

((jakjgkfajga im a loser and ended up shippin him with Chameleon and everythin i’ve thought off so far is EMBARRASSING AND CHEESY AS FUCK :’’’’D so im gonna leave those for another time))

Beck being an Extra Bitch he is, lives for the Big Romantic Gestures like in the movies and he often gets so caught up in the prep he.. kinda disregards the person he was makin it for, the making of the effect means more for him than  the actual sentiment behind it… 

(ok maybe One mysteleon hc, while it pains him, Quentin knows Chammy Would Not Enjoy being a target of such grand display… he gotta be more subtle, creating a scene where he could play in disguise and dupe some superheroes mayhaps…) 

♥ - family headcanon

like 99% of the villains and their grandma, his family wasnt great, mum left when he was very young with another guy, his dad considered his passion for movies a great waste of time and let lil Quentin know how disappointed he was at every occasion both vocally and physically.. After the first few broken models and ripped tapes with stop animations that took weeks to complete, Quentin stopped tryin to impress and convince his father about the greatness of special effects.. He joined a boxing club and learnt some other martial arts but as soon as he could, he left to join a proper film school which led to his father dropping both financing and all contact with him. 

☮ - friendship headcanon

Im not even gonna start about Chameleon’s and Mysterio’s friendship because that shit is canon and i cry about it on a daily basis. 

Despite his penchant for Dramatics, the constant Need for Validation and Backstabbing and other Throwing Shit in the Fan just cuz it was narratively better, Quentin actually has quite a few friends? He gets along quite well with everyone from the Sin Six and many other villains and even has some ‘normie’ pals from the film industry or just neighborhood… 

One of his most surprising is actually Doc Ock with whom he gets along even outside of business partners/partners in crime basis. Though maybe not so surprising, Mysterio is quite vocal with his praises when he feels like they are deserved and Doc as well actually admires and recognizes Beck’s talent while it is still enough specific for him not to feel threatened in his superiority (once he tried to improve them and show them to Quentin with his usual arrogance and flair and that was the biggest fight they ever had and they werent on speaking terms for a loooong while after that… Oct cant stand not having the last word so he still modified some of Mysterio’s tricks even after that but he actually cares about their friendship enough to not tell Mysti about it.. Not like he would ever admit that to Quentin’s fishbowl face) 

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

like 99% of everythin Mysti does is Somehow related to special effects/film or the Drama in general but my boy is a nerd in general, theater, books, comics, manga, roleplaying games, you name it. He especially likes flashy stuff obviously. 

He really enjoys learning new techniques and figuring out how to make something happen. When he was younger, he was viciously against CGI but later he started to sorta respect it as its own category that needs talent and effort… he still prefers to use the traditional techniques of course :’D (…as traditional as HYPNOTIZING PEOPLE WITH NEURAL GAZ IS) 

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

He has a very Complicated relationship with the film industry……. on the one hand, he loves the behind the scenes, the rush, the Action…. but on the other hand, he hates it with a fiery passion, everythin from how you get treated like dirt and the pretentious prizes being awarded just for the Big names and hollywood and everythin turning around the money an-…., he has a very long list and it is alphabetized. (While he has a point for many of those complaints, the fact HE himself never got any pretentious award remains probably the main issue…) 

he absolutely despises people making fun of D-grade shitty movies in the “this shitty horror is so cheesy and dumb it’s funny and i love it” way, either because the people workin on it were good and trying their best but the money or the producers etc ruined it (his experience) and then it’s an unfair critique or because the creators just didnt try hard enough and that’s even worse in his books and this movie should not get Any Attention much less a positive one.. 

he likes complaining and being snarky :’D he enjoys the challenge Spidey sets for them and loves playing tag with him (even when he loses..) He loves the prep before his big shows both alone or with help, the adrenalin when actually pulling it off and when he discusses it with Cham in details. He lives for the applause and recognition and ~Fame~ 

▼ - childhood headcanon

not as much as hc as adopting the Webspinners’ aproach: he spent most of his childhood daydreaming, hiding himself behind the stories and special effects….. not many friends aside from Betsy but he didnt really need them, he wanted audience not pals.. In the film school he started to be more social and communicative, he met Brick there and they started goin out… 

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon

hhhhh im conflicted, there are like 3 comics where Q is retired because he has enough of superheroes beating him up and he Really doesnt want to go back to it.. I cant see him actually givin up on it totally tho… idk idk

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

Like with sleep, it oscillates wildly. He can forget to eat when he is hypefocusin on a particular project (one single chip suffices as nourishment) or he just subsides on ramen for a month but on the other hand he is quite a capable cook. Nothing Extraordinary but he can make enough diverse simple meals. When livin with Chammy, they both enjoy eating out so they do that as much as the budget allows (so not that much, illusions arent cheap…) 

☼ - appearance headcanon

im still thinkin about that one post that described Quentin as a “toenail of a man” and i couldnt agree more :’D very short, pig nose, hairstyle à la Spock, stocky built and weirdly beefy, like this guy’s thigh is bigger than some heads… (for a nerd he is surprisingly strong what the fuck) 

All Mysterios are Good Mysterios but my preferred ones have a bigass ROUND fishbowl, the longest cape and somethin as a belt, preferably sash.. 

ൠ - random headcanon

he actually isnt….. that great of an actor nor director nor creator………………….. (im sorry baby i love you but it’s tru….) he unconsciously copies a lot of stuff he has seen elsewhere, he follows overused tropes, his work is packed with cliches and cheesy over the top pathos… his special effects mastery n creativity with workin out his illusions is absolutely INCREDIBLE dont get me wrong, it’s just… the plot/ideas……..  at first he lived in denial about this still believing 100% his work is Wonderful and Perfect and he is just a misunderstood author… later he decided to embrace it and he is livin the life now :D

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 58 - 60

 I’m back and ready to dive into hell again

Kaltain Rompier had just turned the tide in this war. Dorian had never been more ashamed of himself. He should have been better. Should have seen better. They all should have.

Many chapters ago I would have defended you... but yeah, no, you’re an asshole Dorito.

There was no Lock. Not in the way that they had expected, not in the way the queen had been promised and instructed to find it.

So yeah, no cigar. Given there’s still quite a few chapters left, I didn’t expect it to be this easy.

Instead of a Lock, inside there is instead a witch mirror, which are very powerful, Manon explains.

Finally, the witch said, “They’ve been making towers. Enormous, yet capable of being hauled across battlefields, lined with those mirrors. For Erawan to use with his powers—to incinerate your armies in a few blasts.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ARE YOU SHITTING ME

ERAWAN’S SECRET ULTIMATE WEAPON IS SOME WALKING TOWERS WITH FUCKING MIRRORS ON THEM

HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS ALMOST AS FUNNY AS THE BATHTUB CAULDRON FROM AC0WAR KDHAFJKHKJFHKHKD YOU'RE KILLING ME SJM

[Aelin’s] magic was exhausted. For the first time in days, that pit of magic now slumbered. She could sleep for a week. A month.

Maybe you shouldn’t have been a dumbass and wasted it all on showing off and shitting glitter out your ass then, Alien.

Anyways some ships and a small army roll up to the marshes. Everyone understandably freaks out but Alien seems weirdly calm?

The soldiers were in heavy, worn gray armor, their faces rough and scarred, sizing them up as they hit the sand. Fenrys snarled at one of them, and the man averted his eyes. But the cloaked woman removed her hood as she approached with feline grace, halting perhaps ten feet away. Aelin knew every detail about her.

Huh, weird, she kinda sounds like-

That full mouth slanted into a half grin as Ansel of Briarcliff, Queen of the Wastes, drawled, “Who gave you permission to use my name in pit fights, Aelin?”

Wait......... what the fuck.

Ansel. As in, Ansel from the prequel novella. As in, a character who was not in the main series is now playing a major role in this series plot.

I’m..... tired. Not gonna complain. Just know it’s dumb and I hate it, because not everyone has read the short stories and I shouldn’t have to pay extra to understand your main plot, SJM!

Next chapter establishes that Ansel is indeed a queen. Fuckin’ great, because nobody can not be royalty in this godforsaken series.

No sign of Abraxos. Manon scanned the skies, the fleet, the seas. Not a scale to be found.

SJM, ABRAXOS BETTER BE OKAY I SWEAR TO GOD

Ansel is here because Alien used her name in the fighting pits in the previous novel.

Dorian staggered forward a step at Ansel’s words, and the Queen of the Wastes gave him a look that said she’d like to pillage him.

Yuck. Can you assholes not be horny for once in your life.

Aedion didn’t know who to be more furious with: Aelin, for not telling him about Ansel of Briarcliff and the gods-damned army she’d quietly ordered to sack Melisande and seize its fleet, or himself, for not trusting her.

Jesus fucking christ, I can’t believe I’m about to defend Assdion, but you have no reason to trust Alien! She schemes and plans behinds everyone’s backs and doesn’t tell you of her plans so she can rub it in your faces after you yell at her! Alien is the embodiment of all my pet peeves in people jkdhjkshfja

[Aedion] tried not to bristle. He was [Aelin’s] general-prince. Rowan was her consort —or close enough to it. And yet she had not entrusted them with this.

I think SJM wants us to see Assdion as unreasonable, but he’s right! They’re Alien’s fucking court and she won’t trust any of them with her plans but oh, since it works out in the end it turns out she’s the best queen evah!!!11 Fucking eat my ass SJM.

Lysandra ran a finger down the smooth wood of the railing. “I thought … It all seemed a grand adventure. Even when the danger was so horrible, it was still new, and I was no longer caged in dresses and bedrooms. But that day in Skull’s Bay, it stopped being any of that. It started being … survival. And some of us might not make it.”

>implying SJM would ever dare to kill one of her darling main characters

Assdion and Lysandra talk about loss and dying or something then they talk about whatever their relationship is.

Lysandra indeed went on the defensive and showed her hand. “I know my history is … unappealing.” “I’m going to stop you right there,” Aedion said, daring a step closer. “And I’m going to tell you that there is nothing unappealing about you. Nothing. I’ve been with just as many people. Women, men … I’ve seen and tried it all.”

ok but like.. Lysandra is talking about being a courtesan, Assdion is talking about being bisexual. Those two are... completely different things. Why would Assdion compare his bisexuality to being a courtesan...... maybe I’m reading too much into this but I’m bisexual and this kinda makes me uncomfortable....

Also of course the only bisexual character in the cast is a slut shaming asshole so I can’t even stan him. Ungh. I hc Manon as lesbian and Darrow is canon gay, so I’m gonna say Gav is bisexual and stan him. SJM can catch these hands.

Aedion shrugged. “I find pleasure in both, depending on my mood and the person.” One of his former lovers still remained one of his closest friends—and most skilled commanders in his Bane.

If Assion wasn’t a dick, I’d ship it. Also, ten bucks says nameless gay Bane commander will die for Assdion’s pain.

Lysandra agrees that they should be honest with each other and Assdion gets a boner at the thought of her mouth then the chapter ends. Riveting. That served no purpose other than to make all the bisexuals reading this squirm uncomfortably.

Next chapter begins with Ansel and Alien drinking and I can already tell there’s gonna be plenty of dumb banter.

“It’d be nice,” Aedion grumbled from down the table, where he and Rowan glared at them, “to be included in just one of these schemes, Aelin.” “But your faces are so wonderful when I get to reveal them,” Aelin crooned. He and Rowan growled. Oh, she knew they were pissed. So pissed that she hadn’t told them about Ansel. But the thought of disappointing them, of failing … She’d wanted to do this on her own.

Does SJM even read the shit she writes? Let’s dissect this.

1. Rowboat and Assdion are portrayed as nosy assholes for wanting to... be involved in their queen’s plans? You know, the queen they’ve sworn to serve? THE QUEEN WHO PUT THEM IN HER COURT.

2. Stop describing them as “pissed” they’re goddamn Fae for god’s sake

3. Oh, so Alien is scared of disappointing them, so it’s okay she lies to her own people and court?? Like how does SJM see this as a woman capable of being a queen? She lies all the goddamn time!!!! A queen is not supposed to hide this important shit from her own goddamn court!!! Just because she feels sorry about it doesn’t make it okay gdi!!!! I want Alien to fucking rot in hell!!!!!

“I want you to find me the lost Crochan witches.” Manon jerked upright. “What.”

Yeah, so now Alien wants to raise a witch army. Manon is understandably like “what the fuck” but of course, she is shot down to raise Alien up. Fuck you, SJM.

“They’re all gone,” Manon cut in again. “We’ve hunted them to near extinction.” Aelin slowly looked over a shoulder. “What if their queen summoned them?” “I am no more their queen than you are.”

Manon says this, but SJM has been parading her around almost this entire novel as a queen despite not having any land, titles, armies, whatever. Also, why does every single species have monarchies? Wouldn’t it make more sense for some of them to have different ruling systems?

“I think Erawan was probably born pissed.”

God Ansel is Alien 2.0 isn’t she...

It was no surprise at all that Ansel had managed to hold on to Hisli, the Asterion mare she’d stolen for herself. But Kasida—oh, Kasida was just as beautiful as Aelin remembered, even more so once she’d been led over a gangway onto the ship. Aelin had brushed the mare down when she’d led her into the cramped, wet stables, and bribed the horse to forgive her with an apple.

Alien can eat my ass but this is cute........ I don’t like or trust horses irl, but I like them in fiction where I don’t have to be next to them. Don’t @ me horse lovers.

Ansel splooges about how Alien didn’t kill her back in the desert and how noble and uhmazing that makes Alien. Deep breaths. Deeeep breaths. I can do this.

“We got a report that Fae soldiers were spied starting them. Firing from ships.” “Maeve,” Gavriel murmured. “But burning isn’t her style.” “It’s mine,” Aelin said. They all looked at her. She let out a humorless laugh.

Alien’s really out here making jokes when innocent country sides have been set on fire because of her, huh..... yeah, I can totally tell the deaths of innocent people are really eating her up, what a sympathetic character!

Later, Alien and Rowboat are going over strategies in private and... oh god. Oh my god. It’s this scene. This one page drained so much life and happiness out of me I think I need more therapy.

Aelin scanned the sprawl of the world, which had once seemed so vast and now, at her feet, seemed so … fragile. So small and breakable. “You could, you know,” Rowan said, his tattoo stark in the lantern light. “Take it for yourself. Take it all. Use Maeve’s bullshit maneuvers against her. Make good on that promise.”

“bullshit maneuvers” jhdahfjafh I’d complain about the writing but that is nothing compared to this implication of Alien being a fucking conqueror. If she was supposed to be a villain or morally grey then maybe, but SJM keeps hailing her as the best morally right queen evah, but then has her think about conquering the goddamn world.

“And would you join me if I did? If I turned conqueror?” “You would unify, not pillage and burn. And yes—to whatever end.” “That’s the threat, isn’t it?” she mused.

OHHH, OH OKAY. WELL THAT MAKES IT OKAY THEN.

NO FUCK YOU. Doesn’t matter what your reason is for conquering is, it’s a goddamn bad thing to do!! You’re attacking and invading other countries resulting in thousands of deaths in order to yank control out of their hands like wtf!!!!! ALIEN WAS A SLAVE IN THE SALT MINES SHE SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

This is shit that FASCISTS would say. And Alien is supposed to be the morally sound protagonist that little girls can look up to. Holy fucking shit.

“But if you could … would you?” For a heartbeat, she could see it—see her face, carved into statues in kingdoms so far away they did not even know Terrasen existed.

You know who else did shit like this?

Ozai from ATLA. You know, a fucking Fascist villain who wiped out an entire culture of Airbenders and planned to conquer the whole world to rule with an iron fist.

This is your protagonist, SJM. YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD THING TO ASPIRE TO BE. How the fuck was this book published I am so goddamn mad.

“Perhaps if being queen bores me … I’ll think about making myself empress. To give my offspring not one kingdom to inherit, but as many as the stars.” There was no harm in saying it, anyway. In thinking about it, stupid and useless as it was. Even if wondering about the possibilities … perhaps it made her no better than Maeve or Erawan.

DFJAKLJFDLKAJFLKAJSKF

1. I love how Alien’s quote is supposed to be ~epic and uhmayzing~ when it’s about her fucking conquering all of the world’s countries to give to her kids, who may very well follow in her footsteps and be fascist assholes as well. I pray to god that Alien or Rowboat kicks the fucking bucket before they can have kids.

2.How could you be bored of being queen.... you know that’s like, a huge responsibility??? SJM literally knows nothing about monarchies and did no research outside of watching old Disney princess movies.

3. “no harm in saying it” OP is a fascist but go off I guess

4. “perhaps it made her no better than Maeve or Erawan” no bitch you’re worse than them at this point holy fucking shit!!!! At least no one is out here stanning them despite them wanting to conquer and kill innocent people like you!! Holy fucking shit this novel!!

Rowan dragged a hand through his hair. “Sometimes I wish I knew every thought in that head, each scheme and plot. Then I remember how much it delights me when you reveal it—usually when it’s most likely to make my heart stop dead in my chest.”

Yeah never mind me defending you because Alien is a dumbass, you’re a fucking awful person too. Both of you can fucking drown for all I care.

Next up is Manon’s POV.

Abraxos should have been here already. [Manon] shut out the coiling dread in her stomach. But instead of wings, footsteps creaked in the hall outside. A heartbeat later, the door opened on near-silent hinges, then shut again. Locked.

Oh, fuck you SJM, teasing me with a Manon and Abraxos reunion only to give me dumb Dorito/Manon shit. Fuck. Yo.

You don’t have chains anymore.” She sat up at that, examining where the irons draped down the wall. “Is it more enticing for you if they’re on?” Sapphire eyes seemed to glow in the dark as he leaned against the shut door. “Sometimes it is.”

Gross. I’ve never been disgusted reading Manon’s POV before, but... it’s starting to rub off on her. Please SJM, don’t taint her, she is one of the few good things I have to cling to in this massive pile of shit.

She let Dorian back her against the wall. Let him hold her gaze while he tugged the top laces of her white shirt free. One. By. One.

This. Writing. Is. Terrible.

But Dorian Havilliard said, “The Bloodhound was lying that night. What she said about your Second. I felt her lie—tasted it.” Some tight part in her chest eased. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

What the fuck Dorito, you’re making out with her and then you randomly bring up her possibly dead friends?????? What is this writing????

Again, that dark, edged smile appeared. And when he stepped close once more, his hands replaced those phantom ones. Tracing her hips, her waist, her breasts. Unhurried, indolent circles that she allowed him to make, simply because no one had ever dared.

Oh my god this is a DoritoManon sex scene isn’t it

A chill ran down her body, peaking her breasts. He watched them, then circled a finger around one. Dorian bent, his mouth following the path where that finger had been. Then his tongue. She bit her lip against the groan rising up her throat, her hands sliding into the silken locks of his hair.

OH GOD IT IS PLEASE HELP ME I NEED AN ADULT

Okay so if you want my thoughts on SJM sex scenes in general, go read my ch 38 review. But this is especially shit because Manon and Dorito barely have any chemistry. Plus Dorito is a crusty asshole and I don’t want him anywhere near my Manon baby. Fuck this goddamn shit.

She had never contemplated what it would be like—to yield control. And not have it be weakness, but a freedom.

JFC SJM, I GET IT. I get it, Dorito is the only man Manon would ever be submissive with because he’s so ~manly and dominate~ I FUCKING GET IT, GET THIS SHIT OUT OF MY FACE.

As he freed her pants button by button, then slid them off.

PANTS

This just further proves my theory SJM did no research about the medieval time period and just wanted to write lots of smutty porn.

Manon let him raise her arms over her head, his magic gently pinning her wrists to the mattress as he touched her, first with those wicked hands.

Oh my god the magic foreplay returns to haunt me. It was dumb then, it’s dumb now.

The next paragraph they’re already done and cleaning up, which seems... oddly rushed for SJM. She took numerous pages to describe Rowboat and Alien climaxing but skipped out here? I’m not complaining, believe me, just feels odd for her.

She tugged on her clothes with trained efficiency, and only when she was lacing up her shirt did Dorian say, “We’re not done, you and I.” And it was the purely male promise that made her bare her teeth.

I AM GOING TO GODDAMN LOSE MY MIND MORE THAN I ALREADY HAVE

DORITO ISN’T A MALE FAE. I’VE SEEN PEOPLE EXCUSE THE WEIRD MALE TERRITORIAL FAE SHIT WITH “oh it’s okay because they’re Fae and not human so it’s okay for them to be possessive uwuu” BUT GUESS FUCKING WHAT SWEETHEART! DORITO ISN’T FAE SO Y’ALL HAVE NO GODDAMN EXCUSE FOR HAND WAVING THIS GROSS POSSESSIVE SHIT ASIDE

KHADKFHAFHAJKHFKJAHSFK IM BREAKING

Dorian gave another purely male smile

After Dorito fucks off we go to Lorcan and Elide. Holy fucking shit this chapter is so long. The DoritoManon sex scene could’ve been cut out without any loss to the plot but lbr, fans aren’t here for the supposed fantasy plot, they’re here to read shitty smut.

Even utterly exhausted, Elide barely slept during the long night she and Lorcan swayed in hammocks with the other sailors.

After the shit I just read, this cuteness is welcomed.

Something softened in [Lorcan’s] harsh face as his eyes dipped to where [Elide’s] arm dangled out of her hammock, the skin still a bit sore, but … miraculously healed. She’d thanked Gavriel twice now, but he’d brushed it aside with a gentle nod and shrug.

This is either pure and wholesome or I’m just grasping for anything after that sex scene. Gav is such a good character, let him be a father figure to Elide and take her out for ice cream and they go for fun walks on the beach searching for interesting shells and rocks. Treasure that wholesome mental image.

It was the shout of the watch that jolted them. The one of pure terror. Elide nearly flipped out of her hammock, the sailors rushing past. By the time she shoved her hair from her eyes, Lorcan was already gone.

Oh fucking great, what bullshit do I have to put up with now?

Sailing over the western horizon, another armada headed for them. And Elide knew in her bones it was not one that Aelin had schemed and planned for. Not as Fenrys breathed, suddenly beside her on the steps. “Maeve.”

I’m so sorry I’m leaving you on a cliffhanger, but I need a break after the shit I’ve just witnessed. Like, I might actually die if I don’t stop right now.

[fireflythecinnamonjollyrancher]

hello it is once again time for my end of the year wrap up. this should be... interesting

january

finally finally got to have a happy apartment experience!!!!! tried out tea drops which are dope. there was a fair amount of stress revolving around APO induction and the musical rehearsal, but we made it!!! partied hardy (the infamous tess in the washing machine incident) kelli was watching always sunny more often than not. i wore some arguably bad clothing but ya know. gays. we tried to take off my closet door (it did NOT work). the beginning of the goose saga! there was a sleet storm so kelli and i made some popcorn and watched mike birbiglia’s new special. darci, kelli and i went out to eat and then ended up in babcock playing air hockey before watching videos with kai who was on duty. PEP BAND???? some good memories formed there. dogs in the library! got bullied by my library boss to put gas in my car and i sent her a video of proof that i did it “daddy long legs” “stop. what?” “the musical” (i do love timothy) i actually practiced my instrument lol wild. WE (becky, celeste, timothy and i) WATCHED SPIRIT and got wildly drunk -- the origin of “[redacted] [redacted] who???” which is my favorite joke.

february

MORE PEP BAND im actually really glad i spent my last few college months dicking around with the band. one man drumline!!! kai made some good tiktoks in our apartment! miss hanging with them it was really fun. oh i hung out with sam and celeste watching movies “he was a boy, she was a dolphin, can i make it anymore [strangled dolphin noises]” OUR MICROWAVE HANDLE BROKE OFF while kelli was gone man that entire apartment was falling apart (hey dumbass grab from top) -- a list of things that were broken in our apartment: fridge light, front entry light, showerhead, phone. the birth of the beans insta!!!! got hit on when i was at taco bell with timothy by being accused of being trans (taco bell guy was not far off to be fair). oh the improv posters as compared to the posters i built for an organization fair. went out and got daRUNK at what appears to be wandas. really struggled with my period. cut hair with kelli n darci. MOZZ STICKS. “you still a lil bitch???” oh we did kpy pal-entines!!! where we ate good food and watched the princess bride!!! i received the plush goose. there was a possible bombing at the bank next door to where we rehearsed for band. aw i went on a tommy’s date with becky that was cute. they tried to STEAL the QUESO. disagreed with a curb and still have those scars. worked a horrible gig at the theatre. closing shifts at the library baby! middle school tours EW more library dogs! fish hooks song oh my god. drunk mash nights!!! i rewatched HAVEN and had lots of feelings. actually got drunk alone a lot which was Bad. however michael malloys birthday! watched choir concert at work lol. stats final whilst drunk!!!! becky got a piercing

march

here things go downhill rapidly. hit up the trains at least once. oh late library nights with timothy!!!! the best nights i miss hanging with him while at work. struggled with my car. went on a college sponsored adventure to a back alley farm. SCURVY FEARS. opening shifts that were lonely. oh celeste played plague and named it covid and won lol yikes. the infamous apartment cone. we stayed up long enough to see the sunrise on literally the last day in college I would ever have. that was good. I FOUND OUT KELLI HAD GLASSES im still pissed. came home indefinitely. went to st patty’s day at brookes with karrigan and that was SO much fun (this was before things seemed real) the best part of that was the irish pub owner who happened to have a son that went to my college. got my mom onto tik tok. took a gay lit class. can’t believe i took daily fckn walks around the pasture who was i. hosted virtual meetings for apo and played around with the closed captioning. that was fun. shaved my moms head lmaooo. worked on my capstone which im like super proud of? i wish i could have directed it but say law vee. 

april

BAGPIPE CORPS INTERNATIONAL. virtual band wreaked havoc on my animals mental health. my grandmother would always bug me while i was working which i understand now was misplaced love but it was so irritating at the time. we had library meetings once a week or so that was vital to mental health. hosted a really fun “panel” about queer identity for my queer lit class that was able to educate a lot of people. having a capstone class with am*lia was a nightmare. watched a cirque du soleil show for free and lost my mind. wrote a comedic monologue that i suffered through. suffered through papers and projects. worked on a project with celeste and kelli and we had SUCH a good time. i hosted several jackbox nights for both apo and kpy. that was SUCH an exhausting experience. also uno and drawful with the uno group (kelli would win 100% of the time). ranted about group projects lol i struggled. OH THE MOVE OUT DEBACLE i really went off the deep end. kelli’s virtual birthday!!!!

may

we had so many good jackbox nights. academic showcase and honors convocation happened wherein i was name bronco award winner and that really wrecked me too lol. we had a sunday crew hang out for library workers. clarinet game night too! i tried so hard to build community during covid and im not altogether sure i accomplished it but ya know whatever. watsky broke the record! made my “aced it” grad cap which was so FUNNY and still is tbh. becky taught me how to do makeup. took grad pictures at an abandoned farmhouse lol OH MY GOSH BEAUX ARTS AND APO SKIT i was so proud of that night and annette said it was the best one we’d ever had. wish i had done more but we did it boys. also got VERY drunk for it lol completely redid my room. bc it was NASTY. the way i write papers is so SO funny to me. had our last capstones class and then dressed in grad outfits for our last lit meeting . graduated and got all my stuff from college finally. went shopping with timothy, had el puerto with becky (i think?). oh the infamous miller moths UGH shit is nasty. THE FORMING OF BANJO SHRIMPS occurred on may 24 2020 and that was the absolute best thing to come out of this year. started working at my dads agency which was the absolute worst thing to come out of this year. attended my first protest in cos which was good and healthy. started protesting regularly after that. my most poignant memory was laying down in front of city hall and chanting “i cant breathe” for 8 minutes. 

june

it snowed???? i was angry. part of my job was reading my dad’s email and there was some WACKO shit in there. went to brookes for pride as a surprise which was cute n fun. had a horrible interaction with a client. the appearance of the bigfoot statue!!!! we had a vanilla beans hang out. there was a WILD storm that literally made my hide out in the office. 

july

went on a bonkers rant about america bc fuck this place. helped mom out with homework. we had several clients get divorces which was messy. went to a Bad party where i was angry the whole time. went to the top of pikes peak with my grandma and saw many much bigfoot things. we got a GOOSE he hated us so much. oh there was a night where darci and kai came over and we hijacked kelli’s spotify and communicated that way it was SO funny. took a video of the dichotomy of man bc of my long ass leg hair and short ass head hair. shaved my head to the BONE and tried dragon fruit. GOT NIKO ON JULY 24 my sweet sweet boy lil bat looking motherfucker. got denied for life insurance for mental health reasons. 

august

went back to hc for a birthday “party” and to see the band. did a lot in that weekend (stayed with timothy’s family, helped becky move, met kelli’s look-alike, saw timothy and karlie’s new house!!! had lunch with kellis family which is closest to “meet my parents” i think i’ll ever get lmao). got my prof headshots and hate every single one of them but more for self esteem reasons lol. neighbors got goats and my mom lost her marbles. got trapped in traffic on the way back from hc. niko had crackhead energy. oooooooh documented gender crisis. ma got more chickens. went to a birthday party for a high school friend and was just... so out of my element. its weird. took off my grandma’s bathroom door bc she had knee surgery. started a full time job as my grandmother’s caretaker (love working for the family business lol).

september

went to breckenridge with a friend!!!!!! spicy times lol. cleaned the cupboard. had a birf. turned 22. cas finished her drugs!!!! and felt much better. we did a charcuterie board for my birthday which was very fun. Got a mixer set!!! went to hc for homecoming and graduated!!!!! surprised celeste and hannah with a celebration party for them (it was a lot of fun). came up with my BEST joke (summa cum laude). got called tf out for my gender crisis via tarot. got the goose game!!!! played the goose game!!!!

october

applied to chicago center!!!! will now be working there for a year!!!! this was the first documentation of banjo shrimp nights. surprised my dad for boss day by working with the team to fill his office with balloons. house sat for dad’s friends. started taking showers in the dark. went to celestes and made PASTA wow got very drunk and while she slept i just explored a strangers house. voted!!!!! wow. finally (finally) started to accept that i was maybe agender. had a snow day but i couldn’t work so that was fun. had halloween with banjo shrimps where i dressed up as david rose. that was SUCH a good night. participated in ace week!!! then, dressed as radar for actual halloween and had monumental. worked a volunteer haunted house and like... actually did pretty good?? felt like a real adult!!!!

november

so many things happened in november. i finished miraculous ladybug on netflix. had another bad interaction with a client bc the customer is always wrong. shaved my head. PRESENTATION NIGHT to distract from the election lmao what a good time. had so many emotions about the election. then biden won and we lost our damn minds -- video called with celeste and becky to celebrate (with the reminder that we know that this doesn’t solve everything but it was such a huge sigh of relief). started watching the last kids on earth. made more PASTA and soup! got my GHOSTY TATTOO. kahoot night with the banjo shrimps lol. watched the supernatural finale with kelli (what good memories) rewatched 3below good shit. got the chicago job so i quit being an insurance person!!!! brooke came for thanksgiving!!!

december

i dont wanna talk about it but i finally started watching unus annus (theres an archive its not the same but it provided me wild amounts of serotonin). “call that invisible split dye”. crimmus. had a video call with people from high school i rarely if ever see. this entire month has been a fuckin blur my guys but i’m so excited for what’s next. in two days i will be in an apartment in chicago. i will be reunited with my best friend in a little under two weeks. i cannot emphasize enough how excited i am for this next chapter. so yeah. that was my year. im sure there was more memories but that’s what the sideblog is for lol