#STOP ASKING ME ABOUT ALEXIS

[teddybeartoji]

MICKEY MCIKRY MICKEYY <33 ur wips . look so delicious i want to gobble them up but if you could especially elaborate on this one .....

THIS IS ME RN 👹👹👹👹 i need whatever this is so so bad if u have any information please fess up before i go insane please and thank you

(and i love u :33 i hope you are taking care of ur hot sexy self :33 biting u so hard :33)

HELLOO ALEXIS MY DARLINGGG>:33333333 AWOOOOO THE WEREWOLVESSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they're both sick in the head i'll just start off with that lmao the idea originated from my desire to write about feral satoru, about satoru who's just a bit off the rails yk? (hot) and so i ended up with this hyena/wolf satoru:3333333 btw suguru is just kind of suguru i think he does the sick in the head thing very well all on his own i didn't have to do much with himhgasdghsahgda

anyway the whole thing is supposed to be a bit scary and suffocating and uncomfortable, like the reader is lost in the woods in the middle of the night and then bumps into these two freaks and then they make the reader play a game of chase with them??????? (hot) they really are a couple of freaks in this but i'm having so much fun with it it's insane . i can't wait to actually write the chase part, i'm gonna try and make it as intense as i can hehehehhee

COME AND ASK ME ABOUT MY WIPS:333333

[two-person-job]

alexis you have me writing essays and I couldn't be happier to do so

[callsign-fox]

Space to Breathe - Bob/Robert Reynolds

Pairing: Bob/Robert Reynolds/Sentry x Fem!Reader/Superhero

No warnings, lots of fluff!

*Could be a continuation of Dance with Me, but can also stand on it's own*

Thank you for all the love on my first one! It's SO much fun to be writing again! xo

Y/N was no stranger to chaos. 

Being the Phoenix meant living in constant unpredictability, and getting close to people like Bucky Barnes and Yelena Belova only sharpened her instinct to brace for the worst. 

She’d faced monsters, corrupt governments—but nothing prepared her for him. He wasn’t a threat she could fight or a mission to complete. He was something else entirely. And that made him dangerous.

Y/N didn’t look back as she walked into the kitchen, but she felt the newcomer Bob’s eyes on her. That invisible thread tugged at her spine—persistent, undeniable. She’d felt it the moment they met, and it terrified her.

Leaning against the counter, arms crossed, her gaze drifted to him. Bucky was already talking, something about Valentina and a plan to take her down for good, but Y/N wasn’t listening.

Beside her, Yelena nudged gently. “You good?”

“I’m fine,” Y/N replied. It was automatic. A lie dressed in calm.

The meeting moved fast—intel, threats, movements. The kind of stuff that used to make Y/N’s skin buzz with adrenaline. But now, it felt muted. Distant. Her focus kept drifting, always back to him.

Bob didn’t say much, but he listened. Closely. His hands were folded in his lap, but they weren’t still—his fingers moved constantly, a nervous habit or something deeper, like he was trying to ground himself.

Once the debrief ended and the others trickled into different rooms, Y/N lingered behind, pretending to refill her coffee. She could feel him behind her before she heard him.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. 

She turned. “What are you sorry for?” 

He shrugged, gaze lowering. “I don’t belong here. I’m making you uncomfortable, I can see it in your face.” 

“That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

He brushed his fingers through his hair. “I…I just don’t want to be a burden.” 

“You could never be a burden, Bob.” She whispered, smiling up at him. 

His eyes flicked up to meet hers, a curious expression etched on his face. He hesitated for a moment, but finally asked, “Why can I feel you?” 

“I have no idea, but I can feel you too.”

He took a small step closer.

Y/N reached out slowly, her fingers just brushing against his. He started to pull away, then froze. For a moment, neither of them breathed—caught in the quiet weight of something unspoken. But when a door creaked open down the hall, they both flinched, the moment shattering like glass. 

“Alexi, if you touch my toothbrush I’m going to kill you!” Bucky yelled from the hallway. 

Y/N reached behind Bob and grabbed a set of keys that were sitting on the counter. “Come on, I know somewhere we can go.” 

He followed her out the apartment, up the stairs and out the side door that led to the rooftop. The city stretched wide and glowed below, lights flickering like the stars.

Y/N sat first, pulling her knees to her chest. Bob settled beside her, a safe distance apart-but not too far. 

“You don’t like being touched,” Y/N said quietly.

He tensed. “Not usually.” 

“But you let me.” 

“I didn’t want to move,” he admitted, “didn’t want it to stop. It feels…right.” 

That thread tugged again, deep and low in her chest. 

Y/N looked over at him, “Me either.”

The wind was soft up here, cool against their skin, and the sounds of the city below felt miles away. Up here, it was just them—two people weighed down by too much power, too much memory, and a connection neither of them could explain.

Bob leaned back on his hands, his gaze drifting over the skyline. “It’s quiet here.”

Y/N eyes drifted. “That’s why I like it. No questions, no pressure. So much space to breathe.”

He nodded slowly, like he understood. “I don’t remember the last time I felt calm.”

She didn’t speak—just shifted closer, her knee brushing his.

His breath hitched. 

“You don’t have to be anything up here,” She said, voice low. “No powers, no stress. Just…yourself.” 

Bob looked over at her then. Really looked. His eyes were soft now, less guarded, like he was letting her see behind the walls. Her pulse fluttered at the way he studied her—like she was something he didn’t know he needed until she appeared.

“I have to tell you something,” he said softly, voice barely above a whisper. “But I’m scared that if I do… you’ll leave.”

Y/N’s brows knit together, and she tilted her head, her voice steady and warm. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He hesitated, eyes dropping briefly to her lips before meeting her gaze again. “I would really like to kiss you.”

For a second, all she could do was stare, her heart thudding against her ribs. Words tangled in her throat, but one slipped free—quiet, certain. “Yes.”

His brow furrowed. “Yes… what?”

A small smile curved her lips as she moved just a little closer. “Kiss me.”

Bob leaned in slowly, like he was afraid the moment would vanish if he rushed it. His fingers brushed her neck before cupping her cheek gently, grounding himself in the warmth of her skin. She didn’t move, just let him take his time, let him choose her. 

His lips brushed against hers, and an immediate pulse of power thrummed through her body. They had barely touched, yet something inside her ignited—hot and electric.

Y/N gasped, the air catching in her throat, but Bob didn’t move. His lips hovered just above hers, breath mingling with hers in the fragile space between.

“Do you feel that too?” he murmured.

She nodded, unable to speak, her hand finding his chest, fingers curling tightly into his shirt like she needed something—anything—to hold on to. Her body was aching for him, hungry for more.

“Please,” she whispered, voice trembling. “I need more.”

When his lips finally met hers again, it was soft—reverent almost—but beneath it, desperation burned. He kissed her like he was trying to memorize her, like she was the only thing anchoring him in the world. He lit something inside her, a fire that roared to life, and she never wanted it to burn out.

He pulled back just an inch, his forehead resting against hers, like he was anchoring himself there. 

“This feels like...” he exhaled, voice shaking, “home. I don’t feel like I’m breaking anymore.”

Y/N smiled, breathless. “That’s because you’re not.”

Her fingers brushed slowly along his jaw, lingering before her thumb swept across his bottom lip with a teasing softness. Her voice was a whisper, thick with longing. “I don’t think I could ever let you go now.”

Something shattered behind his eyes—walls crumbling, fears dissolving.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. “I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone to say that. And now that you have… I won’t let go. Not unless you ask me to.”

And for once, the chaos quieted.

Not gone. Just... stilled.

They were just two people finding something they didn’t know they were missing.

[kxsagi]

it’s may first! ^^ can i request a fic with bllk characters having cuteness aggression for the reader? maybe with isagi, nagi, sae, rin, and others?

“𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧(‘𝐭) 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐭”

a/n: yesss i genuinely apologize if this came off as repetitive 😭

ft. isagi yoichi, nagi seishiro, itoshi sae, itoshi rin, mikage reo, bachira meguru, chigiri hyoma, karasu tabito, kaiser michael, ness alexis, shidou ryusei, niko ikki, hiori yo

isagi yoichi

it starts with him thinking he’s normal. 

he’s like “yeah my girlfriend’s cute” all smiley and in love… until you do something heinous like wear his oversized jersey with messy hair and rub your sleepy eyes. 

next thing you know, isagi’s clutching a pillow, jaw clenched like he’s trying not to explode. 

“you’re so–AHHHH–I’M GONNA LOSE IT I SWEAR ON MY SOUL.” 

grabs you and buries his face into your neck while yelling into it like you just scored a hat trick. 

“stop being so cute it’s pissing me off!!!” 

his form of cuteness aggression is hugging you like a koala until your lungs collapse. 

nagi seishiro

says “meh” but he is screaming internally. 

you do anything mildly adorable, like kiss his cheek and walk away humming, and he just freezes. buffering. overheating. 

“ugh. i wanna squeeze you like a mochi. until you pop or something.” 

gently squishes your cheeks like he’s testing the elasticity of his favorite plush toy. 

he actually doesn’t know what to do with himself when you wear his hoodie. he lies face-down on the couch whispering “i’m gonna bite her.” 

and he does. softly. to your shoulder. out of love. 

itoshi sae

looks calm. he is not calm. 

“you’re doing it again.” 

you blink innocently. “doing what?” 

“looking like that. with your stupid little smile and your stupid cute face and–i can’t deal with this right now.” 

threatens to punt a chair across the room while pinching your cheeks violently (but lovingly). 

he does bite. it’s controlled. calculated. usually on your arm or your hip. 

tells you with a deadpan expression, “you make me want to chew cardboard.” 

you laugh. he sulks. “stop giggling. you’re making it worse.” 

itoshi rin

thinks he’s above it until you do something sickeningly soft. 

like holding a stray cat with a baby voice. or smiling in your sleep. or calling him “rinnie” in public. 

his whole body glitches. twitching eye. twitching jaw. 

“i’m going to bite you. i’m not kidding. i feel violent.” 

stares at you like you’ve committed crimes against his sanity. 

grabs your face and grumbles about how you should “come with a warning label.” 

sulks under a blanket after. sends you a text from the same room: “why are you so cute. this is my 13th reason.”

mikage reo

shameless. will say out loud in a crowded room: “you’re literally too cute. i’m gonna slam dunk you into a pillow and never let you out.” 

squishes your cheeks like they’re made of mochi, buries you in kisses, threatens to bite your nose. 

you trip over something and he’s like “oh my gosh–AHHH–you’re so cute when you’re clumsy i hate you i love you.” 

tells nagi “if she keeps being adorable i’ll explode into confetti and die smiling.” 

kisses you mid-sentence just to cope. he can’t handle your laugh. 

bachira meguru

LITERALLY growls. like a chihuahua. 

“ghhhHHH, baby stop, STOP i can’t take it–WHY ARE YOU SMILING LIKE THAT–” 

full-on vibrating with aggression and adoration. 

grabs you like you’re a teddy bear and spins you around because he has too much cute energy and it needs to come out somehow. 

you could yawn and he’d be like “NOOOOO, stop being cute it HURTS.” 

considers biting your thigh like a goblin. asks permission first. 

chigiri hyoma

the most composed about it… at first. 

you’re used to his little hums of “so pretty” or “you’re adorable.” 

but then you do something extra cute. like falling asleep while waiting for him to get home. 

and he’s like “… i could throw you across the room and then kiss you after.” 

will actually growl into a pillow and blush like a cartoon character. 

mutters “you’re so cute it pisses me off” while braiding your hair or painting your nails. 

refuses to elaborate. you just get a glare and a forehead kiss. 

karasu tabito

he thinks he’s soooo smooth and composed but the moment you giggle at one of his dumb jokes? 

he’s gripping the back of his neck like, “nah, cause you did that on purpose. you want me to die. admit it.” 

covers his face with his hoodie, groaning dramatically. 

“you’re cute in a way that makes me want to scream into traffic.” 

when you pout at him? immediate jaw-clench. physical pain. 

aggressively kisses your forehead like he’s trying to exorcise the cute out of you. 

tells you he’s gonna put you in a glass box so no one else can witness your evil adorableness. 

kaiser michael

he's the definition of “i’m gonna bite you out of love.” 

he gets a twitch in his eye when you do literally anything. 

you say “i missed you” in your soft little voice and he short circuits like, “i could throw you out the window and catch you just to kiss you again.” 

“why are you like this. why are you soft and cute and… ugh!!” 

flops face-down on your lap groaning into your thighs like you’re ruining his life. 

you do your hair in braids and he loses it. grabs your face. threatens to bite your ear. 

“you make me wanna bark. it’s humiliating.” 

ness alexis

the king of “i love you but i also want to scream into a wall” energy. 

he just folds every time you do something small and sweet like reaching for his hand or laughing at his dorky jokes. 

his knees buckle. he makes little squeaky noises. 

“you don’t understand. i physically cannot take this much cuteness in one person.” 

face in his hands, peeking through his fingers like you’re the sun and he’s a fragile victorian child. 

mumbles into your shoulder: “you make me wanna scream into a jar and throw it into the ocean.” 

shidou ryusei

he literally bites. you’ll be cuddling and he’ll chomp your shoulder like a gremlin. 

“you’re cute. shut up. i hate it. i wanna fight god.” 

will squeak like an animal when you do something gentle, like fixing his hoodie strings or brushing hair out of his face. 

he rolls around on the bed kicking his feet like a toddler on pixy sticks when you call him “baby.” 

“GHHHHH you make me wanna chew drywall and scream.” 

will look at you smiling and just… headbutt your shoulder in defeat. 

shidou.exe has stopped working due to excessive adorability. 

niko ikki

blushes. scowls. mutters death threats at the wall. 

literally goes red when you call him “handsome” or hold his pinky. 

he tries to stay cool, but he ends up pacing the room whispering, “i wanna throw her off the couch and wrap her in a blanket burrito.” 

makes this tiny frustrated growl like he’s trying to hold back a feral squeal. 

when you do something REALLY adorable, like fall asleep with your cheek smushed against his chest, he stares at the ceiling like “god. give me strength. i will combust.” 

finally mutters a defeated, “you’re so freaking cute it’s making me ill.” 

hiori yo

hiori doesn’t mean to be dramatic… but you’re literally testing his limits as a human being. 

the way you hum while brushing your teeth. the way you squish his cheeks and say “my baby.” the way you fall asleep mid-movie with your mouth slightly open. 

he can’t handle it. 

he’s so soft spoken but suddenly he’s gripping a pillow like: “i can’t take it. i can’t–what am i supposed to do with this much cuteness???” 

bites his sleeve in emotional agony. physically restrains himself from aggressively snuggling you. 

mutters, “you make me want to scream into a cup and drink it.” 

tells you “stop it” while staring at you with hearts in his eyes. 

he’s like a cat that wants to be picked up and also wants to claw your face because he’s overwhelmed. 

when you kiss his forehead he just… shuts down. 

sits on the floor in a daze like, “i’m in love. i’m dying. help me.” 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

[seasidefallenangel]

gimme, gimme, gimme a man (2)

calling bllk boys your husband while you're still dating ft. bachira meguru, alexis ness, karasu tabito, otoya eita, shidou ryusei

notes: part 2 to this, fluff, banter, down bad loverboys, use of "wife" in alexis and karasu's, suggestive in shidou's (he's his own warning)

༄ bachira:

“megs, please stop moving - yeah, hi. my husband lost his id and we just need a replacement.”

✣ the second those words leave your mouth the cogs in his head are sent into hyperdrive. he’s barely ever thought of himself as boyfriend material, nevermind husband. for you to proclaim it so boldly in front of others makes him incredibly giddy with joy - to the point where his uncontrollable giggles begin to make the rest of the patrons and government workers a bit paranoid.

⁀➷ bachira’s latched onto you like koala as the two of you exit the office after getting the new id and a handful of concerned looks from the other people inside. his grin is so bright it almost hurts your eyes, and all he can say over and over is “husband? i’m your husband, right? when are we getting married? what kind of dress do you want? what’s the color scheme? i have to ask isagi if he’ll be my best man, and -!” you try to shut him up with a kiss, but the second your lips part he goes right back to babbling about your ‘upcoming’ wedding. you made your bed, so guess now you have to lay in it.

༄ alexis: “can me and my husband just get a slice of sachertorte and a mini quiche?”

✣ so, so, in love with you. you’re already his wife, soulmate, reason for living, so hearing you reciprocate his fantasies has him on cloud nine. he’s staring at you like you hung the stars in the sky, and his grip on your hand only tightens at your words. it doesn’t matter if people think he’s moving too fast, if he’s too dedicated to you - because you feel the same way. how could he ever even fathom letting you slip from his grasp?

⁀➷ “what season do you want our wedding to be in?” he asks softly as the two of you sit by the cafe window. despite his favorite dessert being right in front of him, he can’t be bothered to eat it. not when you’re across from him, your divinity blessing his meager existence. the question surprises you a bit as he takes your hand, lightly kissing across your knuckles. your expression is so adorable, he can’t help the small laugh that leaves him when he continues, “we’re getting married soon, aren’t we? i’ve already planned the ring i want for you, and i really don’t want to wait that much longer to make you mine.”

༄ karasu:

“hmm, i think they’re too small… oh, excuse me? do you mind getting a bigger size for my husband?”

✣ amused by how blatant you are about it. sure, he knows he wants to marry you someday, but he didn’t expect you to take these jumps so early. he doesn't mind it at all, though. domesticity has always been in the back of his mind when it comes to relationships, preferring to invest in long term romances than lust-filled flings like a certain friend of his. there’s been roughly a billion fantasies involving married life with you, and there’s about to be ten billion more now that you’ve called him that.

⁀➷ “husband, hm?” he says with a smirk as the store employee goes to grab the other pair of shoes. you turn to him with a raised eyebrow and unamused look, asking if he has a problem with it. raising his arms in defense, he simply chuckles and tells you, “not at all, babe. just wondering how i bagged a cute wife when i haven’t even proposed yet.” you just roll your eyes and turn back to the shelves to compare the other cleats. unable to resist, he stands and rests his hands on your waist to whisper into your ear, “your husband didn’t bother getting you a ring? seems like a scumbag. i’ll buy you one right after this,” before placing a gentle kiss on your lips - and rest assured, he’s true to his word.

༄ otoya:

“if you’re gonna keep flirting with my husband, you can fuck off.”

✣ scared out of his mind. he never planned to have any sort of long term relationship with you yet it happened to naturally. for the first time in his life, he found himself being the yearner instead of having his lovers chasing him down. hearing you call him your husband confirms to himself he’s totally smitten. it’s pathetic and frankly terrifying, but he thinks he’d die if he let you go. so of course, you’re with him the one time he really isn’t flirting with someone else and they won’t leave him alone. just his luck.

⁀➷ as the two of you walk back from the coffee shop, he’s convinced he’s about to see all nine of his ninjutsu lives be cut down with the way you’re steaming. the silence is killing him though, and he simply lets out a shaky “babe?” to test the waters. when you turn towards him with rage burning in your eyes, he knows he’s fucked ; except you take his cheeks between your hands and pull him down, telling him he belongs to you and you only. he’s shaking with how passionate you are, realizing you did believe him and it’s everyone else you don’t trust. heart pounding out of his chest, he feels a bit of relief begin to come back. yeah, he doesn’t mind being your husband one bit.

༄ shidou:

“i’m so sorry about my husband's behavior. he didn’t mean to offend you like that.”

✣ first of all, yes he did. second of all, this is probably the worst mistake you’ve ever made. shidou already has you-induced psychosis, so anything you do to feed his ego and remind him that you also like him back just creates an even bigger monster. he tries to steal a kiss in the middle of you speaking, but you know him too well and drag him down by the ear into an apologetic bow. consider him whipped, cause you putting him in his place is so painfully attractive to him he’s about to get down on that one knee now.

⁀➷ “is that any way to be treating your husband?” he says with a shit eating grin while you tug him by the collar down the sidewalk. the restriction around his neck should be painful, but he loves seeing you annoyed so much that he certainly can’t feel it. when you mutter something about already getting a divorce, his smile drops and he digs his teeth into your neck, making you yelp in pain and elbow him in the stomach. he laughs maniacally before brushing his lips against your ear and telling you, “see? we’re made for each other, babe. hurt me a little more, will ya?”

[leahwllmsn]

wait for me to come home

alexia putellas x reader

word count: 14.1k

You and Alexia have been best friends your whole lives. You’re adamant that moving away from Barcelona won’t change a thing between you. Alexia fears otherwise.

or classic best friends to lovers :)

“Can’t believe you’re really leaving.” It was midnight. You were sitting on your usual spot at the beach with Alexia, your head on her shoulder, both of you staring out at the sea. Despite the tightness in her chest, Alexia felt at ease with you next to her.

“I can’t believe it either,” you replied, your voice barely a whisper.

Alexia took a deep breath. You were only going away for a year, you said. It did nothing to calm the nerves she felt all over. One year, but that would be the longest you've been away from each other. Alexia still didn’t know how to feel, she didn’t know what to feel. She figured it still hadn’t sunk in, that you were leaving. Leaving her.

In the morning when Alexia would drop you off at the airport and you’d wave goodbye, that was probably when she’d feel everything. That was probably when the feeling of emptiness would set.

“I’ll call you everyday,” you said, hugging Alexia’s left arm tightly. “It will be like I’m still in Barcelona with you.”

Alexia chuckled, “You don’t have to call me everyday, cariño.”

You turned your head towards your best friend. “Are you saying you don’t want me to call everyday?”

“Don’t twist my words!” Alexia laughed. “It’s just that I don’t want you to feel pressured to have to call me everyday. You’re a busy woman. I’m the one who waits for you whenever you have night shifts and I watch enough of your Meredith Grey shows to know how busy things at the hospital can be.”

You snickered at her mention of Grey’s Anatomy. Alexia would always complain about how unrealistic the show was whenever you put it on, yet she still stayed by your side and watched the damn thing. You placed your head back on her shoulder and sighed. “I don’t care if I’m busy, I’ll always make time for you.”

Alexia gulped. It was the way you said it, your voice small, yet your tone firm, as if a world where you didn’t have time for her was just impossible. “I love you, you know.”

Alexia furrowed her brows when you didn’t answer straight away like you always did. She was about to open her mouth to say something, when you pulled away and stood up, stretching your hand out for her to take.

“Do you want to head back?” Alexia asked.

“No,” you cleared your throat. “Let’s just walk around. The sand is making me itchy.”

“It’s because you’re wearing shorts,” Alexia took your hand and stood up. “I told you you can sit on my lap, you didn’t listen.”

You dusted off the sand from the back of your legs. “Didn’t want to.”

“Why? It’s comfy.”

“How would you know? You’ve never sat on your own lap before,” you said, your tone teasing.

“Idiota.” 

You kept walking along the beach, swinging your arms back and forth. It was quiet, but nice. Just the two of you, enjoying each other’s presence. Alexia felt her heart twinge when she realized that she didn’t know when she’d have another moment like this with you.

“Y/n,” Alexia spoke up after a few moments.

You hummed in reply.

This felt really nice, the way your hands were intertwined… Your shoulders bumping every now and then… Everything felt so right. Alexia took a deep breath and tried her best to not let herself get too emotional. She didn’t want to cry just yet, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop if she did.

“Ale, what were you going to say?”

“I’m in love with you.”

Alexia immediately shook her head, reminding herself not to let those words slip. She looked down and focused on the way her feet were kicking the sand with every step she took forward. “Nothing.”

You brought Alexia’s hand up to your lips and kissed the back of it. It was something you always did, but it still made Alexia’s heart drop every time. 

Maybe it was because the gesture had always made Alexia fall for you even more, or maybe it was because Alexia knew the platonic way it meant to you when Alexia wanted more than that.

“I know you, Ale,” you stopped walking and turned towards her. “You’re thinking about something.”

“Hm? What makes you think so?”

You poked Alexia’s forehead softly. “You have that crinkle between your brows. And you’ve been biting your lip for the past few minutes.”

Alexia hated the fact that you knew her so well, because it meant that she could never hide anything from you. The only thing Alexia successfully kept hidden were her feelings for you. Apart from that, you knew her better than anyone, and she was the same to you. 

Having known each other for more than two decades was a factor, but Alexia felt like it was simply because you were soulmates.

Alexia realized that no matter how hard she tried to move on from you, you would always be the one for her. Even though you didn’t feel the same way, she knew it would never change how she felt about you. She made her peace with it.

“It’s nothing,” Alexia said once more. “I swear.” You seemed to take the hint and didn’t pry further.

You tugged her hand and continued on walking, Alexia turning her head to the side every now and then, observing you. It was dark, the street lights were dim, and the moonlight wasn’t too bright, yet Alexia can still mention every little detail of your face—she had memorized them all after years of looking at you—from your warm eyes, to the delicate bridge of your nose, and the curve of your small lips. You were so beautiful that Alexia always felt breathless every time she looked at you, despite having known you since you were kids.

In that moment, with you humming along to a random song, your right hand interlocked with Alexia’s left one, there was nothing Alexia wanted more than to just confess her feelings for you. But she knew that you didn’t feel the same way, so telling you would just be pointless.

You turned your head to look at Alexia, catching her staring at you with that look on her face, the one look that you never could quite comprehend. When your lips formed a soft smile, Alexia couldn’t help but instantly reciprocate. Your smile was beautiful.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you asked, your tone bashful.

“I’m in love with you.”

“I’m so, so in love with you.”

“I’m so in love with you that my heart hurts every time you smile.”

Alexia shrugged. “Just thinking about how I will miss you a lot.”

“Ah,” you nodded. “So that was what you were thinking about earlier?”

“No. I was thinking about how I’m so hopelessly in love with you.”

“You got me,” Alexia replied instead.

You sighed, squeezing her hand. “I’ll miss you too. At least you have a million pictures of me in your phone that you can look at if you’re missing me.”

Alexia laughed at that. “You better have a million pictures of me too.”

“Of course, I do,” you snickered. “Even you in diapers, I have them all.”

“No, you don’t!”

“I do! Eli sent them to me.” You had asked Eli for pictures of baby Alexia and she didn’t disappoint. They were adorable, especially the one where Alexia was learning how to crawl, wearing nothing but her diapers.

“You better not show it to anyone.”

“I’ll post it on Instagram before I leave.”

Alexia rolled her eyes, “You’re such a brat sometimes.”

“I’m such a brat?” you let go of Alexia’s hand to pull out your phone from your pocket. You stopped walking so Alexia stopped too, arms crossed, waiting for whatever it was you were doing.

After a few seconds of you scrolling silently through your phone, you flashed your screen to Alexia, showing the picture you mentioned before. “Want to say that again, Putellas?”

“You’re so annoying,” Alexia groaned. “I swear to god if you post that—”

“Watch me.” Your face was smug.

“Y/n,” Alexia said slowly, her tone full of warning.

You grinned, tapping something on the screen before you started running. The sound of your laughter getting smaller and smaller as you ran further away.

“That little—” Alexia cursed under her breath before she started running after you. “Tonta! Come back!”

“No!” Your figure was getting tinier and tinier that Alexia couldn’t help but laugh along.

Eventually, Alexia was able to catch up with you once you stopped running. Your hands were on your hips, trying to catch your breath.

“Why are you making me exercise at one in the morning?” Alexia asked, exhaling loudly.

You shrugged in reply, still out of breath. Alexia had always been the more athletic one out of the two of you. “Just wanted to run.”

“I’m so tired,” Alexia groaned. “Training was tough today.”

You rolled your eyes. You knew she was just being dramatic. “That was nothing. You need to exercise more, Ale.”

“The nerve!” Alexia barked out a laugh. “Who’s the athlete here?”

“Not you if that run tires you out.”

Alexia smiled fondly at you. You get on her nerves a lot. She wouldn’t have it any other way. “Now what did you do? Did you post that on Instagram? Because I’ll kill you, idiota.”

“Oh no, I’m sooo scared,” you mockingly said, a pout on your lips. “Oh nooo.”

Alexia narrowed her eyes at you before she stepped forward and tickled your stomach.

“What are you—Alexia! Ale-Alexia stop it! Stop it right now!”

“Not until you delete that picture!” Alexia kept on tickling you. “Delete it!”

You were both laughing and Alexia didn’t show any signs of stopping until you tripped. You would’ve fallen to the ground if it weren’t for Alexia’s quick reflexes, her arms immediately encircling around your waist.

You were staring at each other, your breath heavy from all the laughter that had long died out. Alexia felt dizzy. Your lips were so close to hers, Alexia could just lean forward and all her questions about how your lips taste would be answered. Alexia saw you blinking back a couple of times, she even swore she saw your eyes dart to her lips. 

The street lights were illuminating your features perfectly and Alexia could see your lips twitching slightly—as if you wanted to close the distance between you too.

Suddenly your phone rang, breaking you two apart. You cleared your throat and answered your phone. 

Alexia let out the deep breath she was holding, rubbing the back of her neck. She had a feeling that she would kiss you if the phone rang a second too late, which would be a disaster. She was thankful to whoever called, because she would never forgive herself if she ruined your friendship just because of her stupid feelings.

“Sorry,” you said. “That was Leila, just asking what time I’d be at the airport tomorrow.”

“Right.” There it was again, the unsettling feeling in her stomach every time Leila was mentioned. Alexia swallowed hard, trying her best not to show her jealousy. She was the one who introduced you to Leila when you joined a night out with the Barcelona girls. Alexia didn’t know that you two would hit it off. She didn’t know that Leila would move to Manchester and shockingly, you got offered a job at one of the best hospitals in Manchester.

It felt like the universe was playing some cruel joke.

Alexia had to keep reminding herself that you weren’t hers, that you had every right to be with whoever you wanted. Alexia had no right to be jealous.

“That’s very cool, by the way,” Alexia said, putting her hands in the pockets of her jeans. “How you two are somehow going to the same country, same city.”

“Yeah, Codi said it was fate or something.” 

Fate? Me tripping over your leg at the playground when we were five was fate. Me immediately crying and you wiping my tears away until my mom came was fate. That was meant to happen because it made my mom invite you and your mom over for dinner, and it made us become best friends ever since. That was fate. Leila going to the same city as you was merely a coincidence. 

“Sure,” Alexia said, swallowing the bitterness in her mouth. “If that’s what you think.”

You sighed. “I don’t know. Ask me again in a year or so and I’ll tell you if Leila and I are fated or not.”

Alexia didn’t answer, instead she just kept on staring at you, taking in the sight of you standing in front of her for the last time.

In the morning, you were leaving. You’d have a new life in Manchester, one that Alexia wouldn’t be a big part of, seeing how she was all the way in Barcelona. 

Alexia tried to bury deep, deep inside the pain that kept on reappearing every now and then, but it was getting increasingly difficult with the way you looked back at her—your eyes full of tenderness, as if you felt the same way Alexia did, as if it killed you to not be able to say exactly what you wanted to say. 

But Alexia shrugged it off. There was no time to think about these made-up scenarios in her head. You were leaving soon. 

Alexia stepped forward and hugged you as tight as she could, wanting to remember the way you felt in her embrace.

—

You kept your promise and called Alexia everyday. It lasted for two months before things became more hectic for the two of you and the daily calls stopped. In your defense, you really did try your best, but some days you had late night shifts and when you didn’t, you had date nights with Leila.

“Cariño! I haven’t heard your voice in two days! That is crazy. I was wondering if you were still alive.”

“Ha ha. So funny, Alexia.”

“Such a busy woman.”

Alexia was thriving even more if that was even possible, scoring more goals and assists, earning her more media duties and appearances. She was busy too.

You would catch her on your television sometimes, an interview or replays of her games. You were used to it, you knew Alexia before and after her rise to fame. But without the back and forth texts, without the calls and hearing her voice, without having her next to you, Alexia had never felt so out of reach.

“Hey, is it a bad time?”

“Hola, princessa. ‘m about to sleep. So tired. Call me tomorrow?”

“Okay, Ale. Sweet dreams.”

“Love you.”

Weeks with limited communication turned into months and the next thing you knew, you went from knowing everything about Alexia’s life, to finding out she had a girlfriend from your girlfriend.

Apparently Olga was a mutual friend. Leila had only good things to say about her.

You called Alexia that night, asking her about it. She didn’t have much to say, a tell-tale sign that she was uncomfortable, but why she was uncomfortable you couldn’t decipher it.

“Is she good to you at least?”

“Yeah.”

“Does she make you happy?”

“Sí.”

“Then that’s all that matters.”

For the first time since you’ve known her, you felt like a stranger in Alexia’s life. You couldn’t tell exactly when things changed. It must’ve been the depleting texts sent each day, the less and less phone calls until it went down to none at all for a week or two, and when you two did have time for a call, it felt… awkward.

The first argument started when Alexia casually joked about how you were so busy and you didn’t have time for her anymore, how you have a more exciting life now in Manchester. She was laughing but you just got off a twelve hour shift at work and you were exhausted. 

“Like you’re not the same?” you fired back, feeling a headache coming through.

Instead of changing the subject like you hoped she would, Alexia rebutted your claim. “I do have time for you.”

You let out a laugh. “Between football and your new girlfriend? You don’t, Ale. Don’t act otherwise.”

“Wow. Okay.”

You seemed to instantly snap out of it at the tone of her voice. Alexia sounded hurt and for a second, you felt guilty for starting a fight. But what she said hurt you too, because even though she said it in a joking way, you knew she meant it.

“Sorry,” you sighed. “Can we talk tomorrow? I’m not in the mood.”

“Right, yeah. Bye.”

The arguments seemed to snowball after that first one. Your calls were still rare, but when you or Alexia forced yourselves to call the other, it didn’t end well.

That should be the first warning sign for you—how you felt forced to call her when you used to want to hear her voice all the time.

“How was your day?”

“It was fine.” 

“Can you at least act like you’re excited to talk to me?”

“If we’re just going to fight, Ale, you shouldn’t have called.”

“Whatever. Good night.”

The next thing you knew, there wasn’t a call that went by without some small, unimportant argument.

It got worse when you told her you weren’t staying for only one year as originally planned. You liked it here in Manchester. You had a good job and you were surrounded by wonderful people.

Alexia ignored you for the whole day only to call you early in the morning, her voice raspier than usual. You knew that meant she spent the night crying.

“You don’t know when you’ll be back?”

“I don’t know when I’ll be back in Barcelona, no.”

“How am I supposed to go for… what? Another year without you? Two years? More?”

“You’ve been doing just fine so far. I don’t see the problem, Ale.”

“I miss you every night that you're not here. I don’t think that's doing ‘fine’.”

“Oh c’mon. We haven't been the same.”

“Just because we haven’t been talking as much doesn’t mean that I love you less, but whatever.”

It got even worse when you were supposed to fly back to Spain for Alexia’s birthday, but you had to cancel at the last minute because you were stuck with an emergency case at the hospital.

In hindsight, it was a stupid reason, something you could totally resolve by having one of your co-workers take over for you. But your mind went into overdrive, you somehow convinced yourself that you couldn’t leave the country.

Maybe it was out of fear of seeing Alexia again, not wanting to see how the distance had changed your dynamics.

Alexia’s reaction when you told her you weren’t going to be there hurt more than you could admit. 

“You’d never miss my birthday and I’d never miss yours. That was a promise.”

“We were seven, Alexia.”

Alexia didn’t say anything else and you didn’t need to see her face to know how dejected she was. You ignored the pain in your chest, convincing yourself that you were doing the right thing. You didn’t need to fly for more than two hours for someone’s birthday.

The old you would’ve screamed at you if she knew what you were doing. Alexia wasn’t just someone. She was… she was your everything and more. 

When midnight rolled around and you would usually be next to Alexia, wishing her a happy birthday with a present in hand, and instead you were all the way in Manchester, you felt that maybe you were dumb to let the arguments get in your head.

You took a deep breath and texted her a happy birthday. You weren’t sure if she would pick up if you called. 

Alexia didn’t reply to your text until noon that day, saying how she was off to celebrate with her family as usual and she’d call you after dinner. She didn’t mention Olga, but you knew she was there from Alba.

You sat in your apartment alone in the dark, Leila was out with her friends. It was only then that it dawned on you how lonely you were. You couldn’t imagine how Alexia was feeling—that was, if she still cared about you.

You had been there for Alexia’s birthday ever since she turned six years old. You didn’t think that you’d ever miss one, ever. But here you were.

It was weird to see Olga in place of you, seated between Eli and Alba as she grinned at Alexia blowing the candles out.

That used to be you.

Instead, you were in a different country, wishing you were at a place where someone else had claimed your spot. 

When it was way after dinner time and you still hadn’t heard from Alexia even though she said she’d call, you decided to send her a text. Something short and straight to the point: can I call you?

Alexia didn’t reply and you fell asleep with a feeling so hollow in your chest, you wondered if love was supposed to hurt this bad.

stop making promises you can’t keep, alexia

The loud ringing of your phone woke you up. You didn’t think that you’d see an incoming call from Alexia this early.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Hello to you too, Ale.” Your tone was curt. In your defense, you had just woken up. 

“You’re picking a fight,” Alexia stated. “I don’t know why, but it’s not nice.”

“Picking a fight?” You scoffed in disbelief. “Is this about my text? I was simply telling you to stop making promises, because you can’t keep them. You told me you’d call me, you didn’t.”

You said it so accusatory that Alexia felt a sudden rush of anger. “You’re being ridiculous. I fell asleep. I’m calling you now, aren’t I?”

“I’m being ridiculous? Is it not me who had to wait for hours for your call?”

Alexia let out a bitter laugh. “Saying all that like I don’t usually have to wait hours and hours for you too?”

“Well, you’re the one with the empty promises. You promised me that things won’t be different between us, well. Look at us now.”

“That’s not entirely my fault and you know it. If we’re playing that game, you said you’d call me everyday, you said you’d always have time for me. Look at us now, cariño!”

Alexia never raised her voice at you. That was how you knew things were truly different now. “I was busy. Some days I have twelve hour shifts, Alexia,” you replied simply, not wanting to raise your voice too.

“Busy,” Alexia scoffed at you. “But you still have time to watch Leila’s games every week.”

You immediately felt defensive at the mention of your girlfriend’s name. “Why are you dragging Leila into this?”

Alexia was about to give you a piece of her mind, about how having a quick call with her wasn’t as time consuming as watching a 90-minute football game, but you still had more to say.

“Leila has nothing to do with us turning into… into this mess!” So much for not wanting to raise your voice at her. “Besides, you have Olga too. You spent all your time with her and forgot the plans we made first.” You fired back at her, a part of you hated that Olga took your place, that Olga was able to be in Barcelona next to Alexia, doing all the things you used to do.

People would think you were jealous, but you weren’t. You just didn’t like her. You didn’t like that she was taking up too much of Alexia’s time. That wasn’t jealousy.

“What plans? If I forgot something, then tell me. I’m not a fucking mind reader, Y/n.”

“What was I supposed to do? Ask you to pick between Olga and I? Why would I do that when I know you’ll pick her!”

(You might sound a little crazy. But you wouldn't admit that to anyone. In your defense, it was hard being demoted to second choice.)

“What’s your problem with Olga?” Alexia accused you, she knew you all too well.

“I have no problem with her. What's your problem with Leila?”

“Don’t change the subject. I was once your best friend, I know you more than anyone, and I know how you usually are when you don’t like someone.”

The use of past tense shouldn’t hurt as much as it did. You knew things had changed between you. “Glad to know you don’t think we’re best friends anymore.”

Alexia let out an exhale. “You haven’t been acting like you’re my best friend for sometime. Don’t act all innocent.”

“Even though we haven’t been talking much, you’re still my person. But since I don’t seem to matter to you anymore, I’ll just…” you trailed off, suddenly feeling stupid for all of this.

Alexia could feel that familiar tug in her heart, the feeling of wanting to make everything in the world right for you.

But for once, she casted it aside. The anger she had at you overpowering everything. “I don’t think I matter to you anymore either, so I guess we’re even.”

There was a pause before you utter your next words. “You matter the most to me.” 

Alexia could only scoff. “Sure, you have done such a great job of showing that I matter to you—you couldn’t even spare five minutes of your precious 24 hours to talk to me!”

Deep down, you knew that. You knew that you were guilt-tripping Alexia when you had your faults too.

None of you said anything else. For once, in the two decades that you’ve known each other, you both didn’t know what to say—had nothing else to say.

When all Alexia could come up with was “I don’t know who you are anymore. You’re really hurting me this time,” you knew you had to put an end to all of this.

“I think we should just… take a break from all of this.”

Alexia couldn’t believe what she was hearing. You didn’t think you had it in you to say those words either. Even though the conversations between you two had diminished, saying that you wanted to stop talking to each other felt so… final. 

“What?”

“I’m tired, Ale.”

“You don’t think I’m tired too?” you could hear the urgency in her voice. “What does that even mean? ‘Take a break from all this’? You want a break from me, you mean? What ever happened to ‘you’re my person, Alexia?’” Alexia mimicked your voice. She was getting angrier by the second, you could tell. 

“You told me I’m hurting you! I’m tired of hurting you. I didn’t even realize it, Ale. I never wanted that. All we’ve been doing is fighting each other. I don’t know how to stop this. I don’t see a solution to this, I really don’t.”

Neither of you knew where it went wrong. One day you two were fine—you two loved each other more than anything in this world—the next thing you knew, you couldn’t hold up a conversation where it didn’t end with exasperated voices and tired sighs.

It was the distance, you assumed.

You and Alexia were attached at the hip. The only time you two went separate ways was when she had away games and international duties.

It was a two and a half hour flight between Barcelona and Manchester, but neither of you had made the trip to see one another. Alexia seemed even more far away as the days went by.

She had Olga to turn to now, you could feel her not needing you anymore. 

It was the distance that took Alexia away from you, you would convince yourself that. It wasn’t the nameless feeling in your chest that felt a lot like yearning, jealousy, and regret all at once.

You ended the call, not knowing whether you’d ever talk to Alexia again.

—

Losing someone that had always been a constant in your life was devastating.

It was miserable. You were the most miserable you had ever been.

Leila kept on asking you what was wrong, your friends in Barcelona updating her that Alexia was in the same state as you. Not that you cared.

You didn’t know how to live without Alexia in your life, but you’d manage. You’d learn. This wasn’t the end of the world.

You steered clear of your social media, not wanting to see any posts of her from your mutual friends or from the Barcelona account.

Leila and a couple of your friends eventually stopped asking you about what went wrong with Alexia, to which you were glad, but the emptiness you felt when no one brought Alexia up to you was starting to make you uneasy.

Alexia used to be in all your conversations, she was a huge part of your life. Now it felt like she was never a part of it.

A few months passed by, your birthday rolled around and you assumed—you wished—that Alexia would break this silence between you two. It was your birthday after all.

But you should’ve known how stubborn she was. 

When you stayed up until the clock strikes midnight and there was no text from Alexia, when she used to pride herself on being the first person to wish you a happy birthday, you knew you had lost her for good. 

You spent your birthday with pain in your chest like no other. You just wanted Alexia back. 

Your friends in Manchester knew something was up with you, Leila figured that it was mostly because of Alexia. None of them could understand why it was upsetting you so much.

That night, you sat on your balcony and looked through the folder of pictures on your phone that contained decades worth of memories of Alexia. With each scroll, you could feel more tears running down your cheeks.

There was a photo of you when you were ten, Alexia next to you laughing at how ugly your haircut was.

Another photo was of you at prom, Alexia as your plus one. Despite the countless promposals you received, you’d rather have Alexia as your date than the stinky boys at your school.

When Alexia got called up for the national team for the first time, you were there with Eli to watch her score her first international goal. The photo you had was of her carrying you on her back. It was after the game ended and Alexia had too much energy that she had to carry you around the field.

The next photo was of Alexia sleeping at the library, you were studying for your exams when you were in University and Alexia had the day off. To her, nothing was better than spending it with you, even if it meant that she had to sit there and watch you study boring stuff. Alexia always had faith that you were going to be the best doctor in Barcelona.

You had a photo of when you flew across continents to watch her win the World Cup, grinning next to Alexia as she kissed your cheek, trophy in hand.

A photo of when she tore her ACL and you were there at her bedside as she was preparing to go into surgery. Alexia didn’t let go of your hand until she was in front of the operating room.

A photo of you and Alexia in a locker room, both in Barcelona jerseys. It was the day before your exam, but it was also the Champions League final. You brought your textbook and Alba kept on laughing when you studied during half-time.

Most photos were of Alexia doing mundane things. They meant the most to you because of how carefree she looked in all of them.

Alexia making stupid faces at you as you grocery shopped together.

Alexia laughing next to you in the driver seat as she drove you to work.

Alexia cooking dinner for the two of you, her eyebrows scrunching in concentration as she read the ingredients from her new cookbook.

Alexia sipping coffee in your favourite coffee shop in Barcelona. They served the best banana bread, you never wanted to share them with anyone, not even Alexia.

Alexia watching replays of her games on her iPad. She was laying down on your couch, your throw blanket draped over her feet.

Alexia smiling at you with that look.

As you reached the last picture you had on the album, a photo of Alexia taken by you the morning you left for Manchester—she was on the driver seat, a wistful smile on her face as she turned to look at you during a red light—you suddenly felt as if you couldn’t breathe.

You were in love with Alexia.

You were so desperately in love with Alexia, you had always been, ever since you let her become your first kiss.

You didn’t like any of Alexia’s relationships, because you were jealous. You thought none of her girlfriends could treat her well, no one lived up to your expectations. You felt like you were the only one who could understand her.

You hugged the blanket around yourself tighter, the gust of wind making your teeth chatter. You wanted Alexia there next to you, she would know that you were never a fan of the cold, always making sure that you were bundled up and warm.

You had a million thoughts running through your mind, mostly about how you missed all the signs of being in love with your best friend. Although deep down, you’ve always known that what you felt for Alexia was too intense to be strictly platonic. 

But when someone kissed you, having it meant the world to you, only for her to wish it never happened, you felt like it was justifiable that you decided to lock your feelings away.

Now that you’ve uncovered them, you didn’t know how to go on and pretend that you were fine with having Alexia out of your life.

—

Barcelona was playing against Manchester City at the Etihad. This wasn’t something you could get out of, you needed to be there to support Leila.

You had some friends traveling to Manchester to watch the match, you decided to sit with them instead of your usual spot at the Friends and Family section. You wanted—no, you needed someone to distract you from the person you hadn’t seen in almost two years.

You ignored your friends’ teasing at your Man City jersey instead of the Blaugrana colour (with Alexia’s name and number) you usually wore. They didn’t mention Alexia to you, having figured out the fallout, but a part of you wanted them to. You wanted them to tell you about Alexia and how she’d been doing.

Your resolve almost crumbled, Alexia’s name on the tip of your tongue. If it wasn’t for the players entering the field and the loud cheers from the audience, you would’ve asked them about Alexia.

Alexia, who was no longer blonde apparently. You saw her run to the field, her brown hair in a neat ponytail. Even from afar you could still see her smile. You hated that you still felt like jumping off a cliff at the sight.

You hated that your gaze was always drawn to her instead of your girlfriend.

Later when the game ended and Barcelona eventually won, you went to meet Leila at the barrier, whispering how great she played despite it all. 

You almost accepted her invite to a night out with some of the Barcelona girls. The temptation to see Alexia again was so strong, but you didn’t think you were ready yet. 

You saw her anyway, in your dreams that night. Maybe it was that deep yearning that caused you to text her as soon as you woke up.

good game yesterday. always proud of you

—

Your reconciliation didn’t happen all at once. 

You didn’t magically go back to being the same as you were before (there was some apprehension from both parties), but it was close enough. 

It was scarily easy to integrate Alexia back into your life even though you hadn’t talked to each other for so long.

First it was the likes on Instagram posts, or a reply to your Instagram story of gloomy Manchester sky, or a comment on Alexia’s post of her match day outfit.

Then the texts started. A simple text from Alexia telling you that she was through to the finals of the Euros. Or a text from you containing a picture of your cat, Mr. Oreo. They were evenly spaced out throughout your week, it wasn’t too often that it felt like you two were rushing back into being friends, but it wasn’t too scarce to leave you wanting more.

It was just perfect.

The striking difference now was that you were letting yourself fall for her. Every joke she made, every selfie she sent you, you took your time to admire her and let yourself fall even more.

Now that you were very much aware of your feelings, it didn’t feel right to continue what you had with Leila.

You loved her, but you must not have loved her enough because you were still able to think of another woman.

You ended it with Leila on a Tuesday. She didn't have a game until Sunday and you figured that was enough time for her to not be distracted. Surprisingly, Leila took it well, as if she knew this was coming all along.

And it felt like the universe was laughing at you, because after you broke up with Leila, you received a text from Alexia.

I’m getting married

You felt your heart drop. You had to put your phone back in your pocket because your hands were trembling badly.

You were suddenly desperate to do something, anything, before it was too late.

Even though a part of you felt like it was already too late.

—

Alexia arrived at the airport three hours early. She spent those three hours walking from one end to the other, flowers in hand. Her hands shaking and her mind racing with the thoughts of finally seeing you again.

She passed by the exact spot you said your goodbyes two years ago, both of you holding back your tears as you exchanged promises that things would be okay. The moment you walked away and went out of sight, Alexia finally let her tears fall, feeling that a part of her left alongside you.

In the middle of pacing around the airport, Olga called, and Alexia felt guilty because her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of you. She instantly buried the feeling of discomfort the moment Olga talked about their wedding.

Alexia was getting married to Olga. Her mind shouldn’t picture you the moment weddings are mentioned. She closed her eyes and bid Olga goodbye, not remembering what her fiancé called her about. 

You were her best friend. Nothing more. Why was it that even after years apart, her heart still ached and yearned for you?

Hours later, when you texted her to let her know that you’ve landed, Alexia made her way to the gate. She stood there, flowers tightly in hand, tapping her foot anxiously. 

You two had been slowly rebuilding your friendship. You texted each other, but never a phone call, and Alexia was nervous to hear your voice again after going such a long time without it.

Alexia was the first to spot you. You were dragging your suitcase, looking from side to side, as if urgently searching for something. And the moment your eyes found hers, your entire body lit up—the whole airport could tell that you finally found what you were looking for.

Everything drowned out and to Alexia nothing else seemed to matter anymore, her only focus was on you. On how your eyes shone with happiness and how your lips slowly curved into the smile that Alexia had missed so much. When you were finally in front of her, something clicked within her, and every hurt, every anger, every sadness she had felt because of you disappeared and she was left with the feeling of nothing but love and fondness for the girl standing in front of her. 

You were here and no matter how hard Alexia tried, she couldn’t feel half of what she felt with you with anyone else.

“Alexia, hi.”

Alexia didn’t say anything back, instead she immediately embraced you, hugging you with everything she had. She leaned down and buried her face in the crook of your neck, closing her eyes and squeezing you even more—just savoring the moment of finally having you there again. 

Alexia thought back to the last time she hugged you, trying to remember every single detail—from the way your arms were wrapped around Alexia’s neck, to the way your breath tickled her ear—trying to decide whether anything had changed. 

And when you kissed the side of Alexia’s head, laughing into her ears because she wouldn’t let go, Alexia decided that no matter how many years had passed and no matter how many arguments you two got into, your hug still felt the same.

—

Alexia,

The moment that has always replayed in my head for years is the night of your 18th birthday. We went to the beach after dinner and crashed someone’s party, and we both got really drunk. It was fun but the thing that made that night so memorable was because it was the first time someone kissed me and that person was you. 

The moment it happened, it felt like everything fell into place, you know? I understood why even my five year old self hated seeing you cry and just wanted to protect you from everything so you’ll never cry again. I understood why out of all the people in the room, my eyes always search for yours. I love you, Alexia. It’s always been you.

I was the happiest I’ve ever been that night. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world for being able to be in your arms.  

But when you woke up the next day saying that you wished that night never happened, it felt like the missing puzzle piece in my heart that you completed the night before disappeared again. 

Ever since then, I tried so hard to fill this gaping hole in my heart. I made it my life’s mission to go out there and meet the most perfect girl in the world just to try and replicate what I felt for you. But every time I’m with someone, every time I’m face to face with some perfect girl, your face appears and I’m reminded that they’re not you.

I love you, Alexia. I love you more with all the ups and downs we’ve had. I love every part of you and I love you with every beat of my heart.

I think I’ve always known that I was in love with you. I was just never brave enough to label it as that. So I didn’t. It wasn’t until recently that I realized: I couldn’t just sit here and watch you marry someone else.

You could call it selfish, but I wasn’t going to risk the slightest possibility of you feeling the same way that I do.

I know Olga loves you, but I also know that she’ll never love you as much as I do. 

To quote your favourite poet:

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,

I love you directly without problems or pride:

I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,

except in this form in which I am not nor are you,

so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,    

so close that your eyes close with my dreams”

If you think that this is all wrong, please just ignore it, and I promise I’ll never talk about this again. But if you somehow feel the same, meet me at our usual spot at the beach tonight, 10 p.m.

Yours always, 

y/n

—

It wasn’t like you didn’t know this would happen. This was why you never wanted to risk your friendship because of some silly feelings. You knew Alexia wouldn’t feel the same, your confession would go to waste, and you would be sitting on the beach, alone at night, waiting for someone who was never going to show up.

You thought of calling Alexia, to ask her what she thought of your letter. But you decided against it, this was humiliating enough.

Maybe Alexia was embarrassed? Maybe she felt bad for you. Maybe she didn’t know how to talk to you now, knowing that you had all these feelings for her. Or maybe Alexia just didn’t want to talk to you anymore.

You let out a big sigh and buried your face in your hands. You didn’t know what you were thinking. All those years of friendship… that was all it was: friendship. You should’ve known.

You checked your phone again. Nothing. No texts or calls.

You let out a laugh. Alexia wasn’t stuck in traffic nor was she late, she was simply not coming.

Feeling your eyes start to well up with tears, you took a deep breath before standing up. You didn’t plan on going back to your parents’ house just yet, stupidly enough a part of you still had hope that Alexia was going to show up. You needed to walk around and distract yourself, sitting in the same spot that contained so many memories of her wasn’t helping.

You took another glance at your phone, and when there was still nothing, you wished your heart wasn’t so weak when it came to Alexia.

—

Alexia never believed in fate or anything.

To be fair, she was five years old and watching movies where the princess always ended up with the prince and lived happily ever after seemed too good to be true.

That was until she met you.

You, who had your little legs outstretched on the grass as you snack on your cookies. You, who didn’t hesitate to wipe away Alexia’s tears when she tripped on your legs. You, who kept on apologizing even though it wasn’t your fault that Alexia wasn’t looking at where she was going, but you were trying to make her feel better.

You had been a constant in her life ever since then, with your wise wisdoms and never-ending ability to make Alexia laugh.

Alexia then understood that fate and destiny really did exist, because it was fate that brought Alexia to the playground at that exact moment—at that exact second—so she could meet you.

When Alexia lost you, she didn’t want to believe in fate anymore, because why was the universe so cruel that it left her on the floor of her apartment, crying and begging for you to come back.

You disappeared from Alexia’s life and Alexia saw firsthand how the world became gloomier, how her days seemed to drag on longer without your presence. 

Just when Alexia completely lost all hope, the universe had other plans, and it was destiny that she left her phone in her hotel room that morning, because if she didn’t, her phone would be in her pocket as she was thrown to the swimming pool because Vicky and Esmee decided that playing a prank on their captain was a brilliant idea. Her phone would be ruined and she wouldn’t be greeted with a text message from you.

A simple text telling Alexia that you were proud of her, but it left her breathless because she hadn’t talked to you in a year. You two had no contact for a year, yet you were still proud of her. Like always.

Fate, destiny, the universe, and all of that had brought you to her, took you away, then brought you back.

It was also fate that made Alexia reach down into her purse and open the envelope you’d given her before parting ways earlier—something tugging in her heart, screaming at her to read the letter you wrote to her, even though she told herself that she would do it after you’ve left the city.

And sometimes, the universe had a sense of humour, because at that moment, as Alexia finished reading the last sentence of your handwriting, her fiancé appeared in the doorway of their shared bedroom.

“Alexia?”

“I’m sorry.”

—

The only thought Alexia had as she drove over the speed limit was to hope that you were still there, waiting for her. Just like what you had been doing all of these years.

All of those wasted years where you two could be together if it weren’t for the doubts that forbade you from truly loving each other the way you were meant to.

“You’ve always loved her more than anything, Alexia. Even when she’s a thousand miles away, even when you two weren’t on speaking terms… She’s still the one you love the most. I could never compete with her.”

From this whole thing, Alexia was just sorry that she had to drag someone else into her mess. She would never forgive herself for saying “yes” to someone, knowing that her heart wasn’t fully in it.

“Olga, I never meant to make you feel like you were at constant competition with her. I really do love you.”

“But not as much as you love her.”

“I never planned on staying in love with her forever, I really did try to love someone else—with you. And I did. All these years together, I meant everything I said and everything I did.”

“I’ve always known that she would always come first to you, yet I still convinced myself that that would change one day. I know it made me a shitty person, but I was happy when you fought with her, because I thought that was finally it, you know? Finally you’d move on from her. But not even the fall out made you love her any less.”

Alexia would take whatever life will throw at her for hurting someone so deeply like she did to Olga.

But the only thing she could do right now was to find you and hoped that you were the happy ending fate had in store for her. The happy ending she’d dreamt of all this time.

—

When Alexia couldn’t find you at the beach, she figured she was too late. She tried calling and texting, but you weren’t replying to any of it.

So she went to your parents’ place, taking a slight detour to your favourite florist, picking up the bouquet they had ready, not wanting to waste another second away from you. Alexia figured you must’ve left thinking that she was rejecting you. Even if Alexia wasn’t in love with you anymore, she wouldn't have just let you sit there all alone, fearing the worst. She needed you to know that.

Your childhood home was dark and quiet. All the lights were off and Alexia remembered that your parents were in Mollet del Vallés, visiting your grandparents.

You weren’t here but Alexia wasn’t going anywhere else. She would just be there and wait for you—she had waited decades for you, a few hours would mean nothing. She sat down on the pavement, not caring how dirty her jeans were going to be, and pulled out her phone from her pocket. She called the only person she could think of.

It took a few more tries for Mapi to pick up, and once the call got connected, Alexia spoke into the phone, “I have a problem.” 

Mapi’s voice was groggy. “It’s midnight, you dumbass. Can you call me later?”

“No, this is urgent.”

Alexia can feel Mapi roll her eyes on the other end of the line, “When Ingrid kills me for being too noisy and waking her up, I’m blaming it on you.”

“Well, in that case, I hope she does wake up then.”

“Tonta.”

“María,” Alexia let out a tired exhale. “Do you know where Y/n is?”

Mapi groaned in reply. “Estúpida. I was asleep, how should I know?”

Alexia pressed her hand over her eyes and groaned, “I think I screwed up.”

Just when Alexia was about to elaborate further, even though she knew Mapi was half asleep, someone called out her name. Someone whose voice sounded exactly like you.

“Ale?” 

Alexia quickly opened her eyes. It really was you.

“Y/n.”

And there you were, standing in front of Alexia, head cocked to the side as if trying to figure out why Alexia was sitting there in front of your house at midnight.

Alexia quickly put her phone back to her ear, “Uhm, I’ll call you back—Tomorrow. I’ll call you tomorrow. Goodnight, María.” As soon as she ended the call, she quickly stood up.

Your arms were crossed over your chest, you were making yourself smaller, you looked so unsure of yourself that Alexia wanted nothing but to hug you and tell you that she loved you more than she’d ever loved anyone.

But all you had was apprehension written all over your face. Alexia understood. You must’ve thought that by her not showing up, Alexia didn’t feel the way you did. “What are you doing here?”

Alexia gulped. Now that you were in front of her, Alexia didn’t know what to say. “Did we really kiss on my 18th birthday?” Alexia blurted out.

“What?” You were confused and still reeling from the embarrassment of the whole thing. You couldn’t process what she said.

“I don’t remember it,” Alexia continued. “I swear. I swear on Messi.”

“What?” Your tone was full of surprise. “You don’t remember?” 

“No,” Alexia sighed, looking at you wistfully. “I would never stop talking about it if I did.”

You went silent for a few seconds, your face full of confusion. Alexia let you take it all in. “You don’t remember,” you stated in a questioning tone. “But you said you wished it never happened.”

“I couldn’t have said that, because I don’t remember—”

“Oh my god, you don’t remember?” It was like you finally realized what that meant. “Oh my god,” you groaned, placing your hands over your face. “I spent years thinking—I convinced myself that I wasn’t in love with you because you rejected me—”

“I didn’t!” Alexia interjected. “I would never– I was so hopelessly in love with you.”

You looked at her and your face turned paler if that was even possible. Your mouth agape, as if you wanted to say something but you couldn’t. How could you? When your best friend was telling you that she—

“Wait,” you realized something. “Did you say ‘was’? As in past tense?” You felt the hope that grew plummet to the bottom of the stomach. You knew it was too good to be true. “Is that why you didn’t meet me earlier?”

“No… No, Y/n, I read your letter too late. I didn’t know you were waiting for me. I would’ve dropped everything in a heartbeat to get to you.”

“Oh.” 

Suddenly you were laughing. Your laughter echoing throughout the empty neighbourhood. Alexia stared at you, unsure of what this meant but she couldn’t help the growing happiness in her heart with every laugh that escaped your lips. “I should’ve just texted you, right? I wanted to be romantic with the letter.”

Alexia shot you a comforting smile. At least fate brought you both here, to this moment.

After your laughter died down, you took a hesitant step forward. “But… do you really feel… the way that I do?”

Alexia sighed, being the one to close the gap between you and took your hands in hers. “If my years and years of pining weren't obvious, I feel the same. I’m in love with you. I still am. I never stopped, if we’re being honest. I broke things off with Olga, it wasn’t right to stay with her if my heart belonged to someone else. She deserves way better than some girl who was too much of a coward to confess that she’s in love with her best friend and ended up stringing her along for years, knowing that she would never love her the same.”

“So you…” you were at loss for words.

“I’m sorry, Y/n,” Alexia continued. “This whole thing is a mess. I need to cancel my wedding preparations, I have to talk to a lot of people, but the only thing I know right now is that… I can’t let you go again. You’re my soulmate, I’m sure of it. I’ve been sure of it ever since we were kids. I won’t love someone as much and as deeply as I love you. So… yeah.”

You didn’t reply to Alexia’s statement, instead you placed one hand on the back of Alexia’s neck and pulled her in for a kiss. Once your lips met, Alexia’s mind went to two things: how she never wanted to kiss anyone else in her life and how exactly did she forget your soft lips when they tasted like heaven? 

Alexia’s hands wandered to rest on your neck, caressing the smooth skin that felt electric under her touch. Alexia’s mind was full with thoughts of you. Your lips on hers. Your hands around her waist. Your perfume engulfing her. Your nose brushing against hers. Your laugh vibrating against her lips.

Your lips curved upwards into a grin and Alexia could taste the happiness on your lips. She leaned forward once more for a peck on your smile and when you scrunch your nose in response, Alexia pressed another kiss to the tip of your nose. 

“That was… everything I’ve ever dreamed of.” Alexia hoped that you couldn’t hear how erratic her heart was beating. 

“We can take things slow,” you whispered against her lips.

“I’ve waited my whole life for you, I don’t want to take it slow,” Alexia whispered back. “But… I agree. We don’t have to rush this. We have the rest of our lives to make up for lost time.”

Suddenly your eyes drifted to the flowers on the pavement, raising your eyes at that. “Is that supposed to be for me?”

Alexia’s eyes widened when she realized the discarded flowers, quickly taking them and shoving them to you. “Uhm. Yes. These… these are for you.”

“They’re beautiful,” you replied, taking the flowers from her but your gaze never leaving her face. “Thank you.”

She pouted when she realized you hadn’t even glanced at it. “You didn’t even look at it!”

You grinned at her, leaning forward and wrapping an arm around her waist. Your face back in its favourite spot against her neck. “I bet they’re beautiful, just like you.”

“Okay, flirt.” 

Alexia quickly stepped back when she noticed that the flowers were squeezed in between you two. “You’re ruining my flowers.”

“I’m not,” you scoffed. You looked down and scrunched your nose at the sight. At least they still had the beautiful pink colour intact, your favourite. “Okay, kind of. But that was your fault.”

Alexia took your hand that wasn’t holding the flower and brought it to her lips for a kiss. “How was it my fault?” 

“I couldn’t resist hugging you.”

Alexia laughed and wrapped her arms around your shoulder. Swaying you side to side and sighing in content. Everything felt good. It felt like everything had fallen into place.

“Now you’re ruining the flowers even more!” your voice muffled with the way your face was squeezed into Alexia’s neck.

“I’ll get you new ones, mi amor. In fact, I’ll get you the whole shop.”

You laughed into her neck, placing a gentle kiss there. “I’m holding you on to that.”

Alexia hummed. “I love you, cariño. I missed you so much.”

“Me too,” you replied. 

“Say it back,” Alexia prodded, placing her cheek on the top of your head.

“Huh?”

“I… love… you.” Alexia said slowly.

Alexia felt your giggles tickle her neck.

“Princessa, say it back.”

“You already know the answer anyway.”

“Mi vida.”

“Alexia. I love you too.”

Alexia did know the answer—she had heard you say it a million times over and over. Despite that, Alexia still wanted to hear it a million times more.

—

Alexia had been to Manchester before but it was still hard to keep up with how busy the airport was. She couldn’t spot you—not at first. All she could see was people rushing to get somewhere despite it being the early hours of the morning. 

Alexia dragged her luggage to a secluded corner and pulled out her phone to give you a call. She put her phone to her ear and kept on looking around while waiting for you to pick up.

It was on the second ring when Alexia spotted you. You were sandwiched between people and you looked so small that Alexia would’ve missed you if she didn’t see the giant flower bouquet you were holding. 

Once you answered the call, Alexia laughed into the speaker, feeling her heart grow ten times bigger with the amount of love she felt for you. Alexia still couldn’t believe she was finally here, just a few steps away from the person she had missed so much.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because,” Alexia sighed in content. How did she spend so long convincing herself that she would be fine settling for someone other than you? “That bouquet is way bigger than you.”

As soon as Alexia said that, she saw you move your head in all directions trying to locate her. “You’re here. Where are you?”

“I am here.” Alexia stated, enjoying how clueless you looked. 

“Alexia.” 

“You always complain about how tall I am, how can you not see me?” Alexia kept her eyes on you—from your furrowed eyebrows to the small pout on your lips, one hand holding your phone to your ear and the other holding the flowers. She laughed even more when you kept on whining and your pout kept getting bigger as each second passed.

“You are annoying,” you groaned. “Can you just tell me where you are? I’m hungry.”

“Not because you miss me?” Alexia teased. “You only want me because I spoil you with lots of food.”

“Yes, that’s true!” you laughed. “So hurry up and tell me where you are so we can get food, Alexia Putellas Segura.”

“Ooh she’s using my full name now.” 

“It’s because I’m getting impatient!”

Alexia laughed, finally dragging her luggage and walking towards your direction.

Once she was behind you, Alexia ended the call and tapped your shoulder, making you jump slightly. Alexia chuckled to herself at how ridiculous she was for finding everything you did adorable.

You immediately turned around and once recognition settled in, you squealed and jumped to hug her. “Alexia! You’re blonde again!”

“Mi amor! I missed you.” 

When you broke apart, Alexia’s eyes started to well with tears. You were finally in front of her, smiling at her with your big smile and sparkly eyes. Two months without having you near felt so long.

“Baby,” you cooed. “Why are you crying?” 

“Just emotional,” Alexia squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears from escaping. “I missed your stupid face.”

“No one will be able to guess that you're the crybaby in this relationship.”

Alexia scowled at you. She would never admit that she cried more than you. Besides, no one would be able to verify this fact because she never cried in front of anyone, except you. “I am not.”

“Sure. Can we get that breakfast now?”

Looking at you behind your big flower bouquet, Alexia felt breathless, only because she still couldn’t believe that you were hers. At the same time though, she felt like she was able to properly breathe again, because you were finally back in her arms.

—

“Hey, Ale?”

“Yeah?”

You sat on the passenger seat, absentmindedly playing with Alexia’s hand that wasn’t holding the steering wheel.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive?”

Alexia gave you a side glance. “Are you questioning my driving abilities? When it was me who drove you around most of your life.”

“Maybe,” you kissed the back of Alexia’s hand. “You’ve never driven outside of Spain before. I’m kind of scared right now. For my life and for my brand new car.”

Alexia laughed, “Driving is the same everywhere, amor.”

“Fine,” you leaned over the console and pressed a kiss to Alexia’s cheek. “I trust you.”

Alexia scrunched her nose in response. “Stop kissing me and tell me where I should go next instead.”

“Just keep on going straight,” you responded. “Then turn left.”

“Now?”

“Are you seeing any left turns right now?”

“You just told me to turn left,” Alexia whined. “You’re such a bad navigator.”

“You should’ve let me drive.”

“You must be tired from work,” Alexia let go of her hand that was in your grip to caress your face. “I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

You looked at Alexia, taking the her hand in yours again. “So thoughtful, always a gentlewoman. Thank you, Ale.”

“I am thoughtful huh.”

You poked your tongue out at her in response. “I should stop before your ego gets too big.”

Alexia grinned at you. “I think my ego has been big ever since I knew I was your first kiss.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you rolled her eyes playfully. “You’re my first kiss, Alexia Putellas Segura. Just like I am yours.”

“The one I don’t have a single memory of,” Alexia noted. “How could you let me forget what would be the most meaningful experience of my life?”

“It’s not my fault you’re a lightweight,” you pinched Alexia’s cheeks to which the blonde laughed in response. “But hey, at least I tried to remind you of that night, didn’t I? About a thousand times these past few days if I remember correctly.”

Alexia hummed in thought, puckering her lips. “I think I need the reminder once again.” 

You giggled and kissed the palm of Alexia’s hand instead. “Later at home, okay? I can’t have you crashing my car.”

“I’d like that.” Alexia took a quick glance at you and smiled—one that reached her eyes, one that showed you just how happy she was. 

But you were suddenly thinking of home and how you used it to describe your Manchester apartment, even though you never thought of it that way. That was, until Alexia came to visit, leaving her things scattered around like she always did in your old place in Barcelona.

You yearned for days like this, with Alexia driving you back home, eating takeout on the couch as you watched a football match you couldn’t care less about. You let Alexia talk your ear off, giving her commentary on the game, you nodding along like you were totally invested in it too.

Home. 

Manchester had never felt like home. It was an apartment with all of your things, where you slept and showered and ate, but you never considered it to be your home.

Alexia visited one day and changed the meaning of the place entirely.

You lived here for years without Alexia, but you couldn’t imagine it without her anymore. 

You looked at your best friend as she sang along to a Spanish song, she was so off-key. A grin instantly made its way to your lips.

Home was wherever Alexia was. 

—

It was a no-brainer, really.

There was no reason to stay in Manchester when your heart lived in Barcelona.

It had been on your mind since you had to leave Alexia again as you boarded the plane back to Manchester a few months ago. It was the only thing you could think of as you waved goodbye to Alexia as she went back to Barcelona, her black cap and sunglasses covering her face, but you could tell there were tears running down her cheeks.

You knew she was scared that history would repeat itself and you two would argue again. But you also knew that it was different this time. There were no uncertain feelings in your chest, no other girl next to Alexia making you feel replaced. You were certain of your love for Alexia.

But it was time to come home. You knew that the moment Alexia kissed you for the second time.

You hadn’t told Alexia, but you were planning on coming back in a couple of months. You wanted it to be a surprise.

But the night before Alexia left, as you savoured the feeling of her pressed up against you, you came to the conclusion that you need to come back to Barcelona sooner than planned.

Having Alexia next to you felt so good. You missed it a lot. You knew you couldn’t stand even another month being away from her, so you changed your entire timeline and decided to move it up so you were coming back in two weeks.

You had a lot on your to-do list. It was a hassle to move away from the place you’ve lived in for years. It was even harder when you wanted to do it within a few weeks.

Alexia thought it was starting again—the space between you.

You didn’t want to ruin the surprise.

“Ale, you're just being a distraction right now.”

Which was true—you had less time to reply to texts and calls in between trying to get rid of your furniture and trying to cut your lease short—but Alexia didn't know that so it wasn’t the right word to use.

Out of context, it sounded harsh, and you figured you could’ve said it better. 

Alexia ended the call abruptly and ignored all your texts for the rest of the day. 

—

Turns out, Alexia decided to ignore you for a whole week. It was understandable, you royally screwed up, but the only thing that kept you from flying to Barcelona as soon as you figured out she was ignoring you was the thought that you were coming back soon. For good.

You left Manchester and years worth of memories behind on a Monday. Your parents welcomed you back with open arms and you spent the night eating your mother’s home cooked meal.

The next day, you knew Alexia had training until noon. So you went to a florist, bought the biggest bouquet of Alexia’s favourite flowers, and you met up with a Barcelona staff member with clear instructions that he was to give it to Alexia. And to make sure that she actually read the note attached to it.

Alexia, my love

Meet me at our spot at 4pm

You’re going to be done by that time, so you better show up

Yours,

y/n

—

You sat at your usual spot by the beach, the same spot where you got your heart broken a few months ago when Alexia didn’t show up. This time, instead of waiting for Alexia with dread and a heavy heart, all you felt was excitement at getting to see her again. 

This time, you knew that Alexia loved you too and you didn’t have to worry about her not showing up.

Alexia loved you too and you weren't going to let her go. It was that thought that kept on repeating in your head, the one that propelled you to leave Manchester behind and come back to Barcelona. As much as you loved it over there, you knew it would never beat the feeling of having Alexia next to you. 

You couldn’t wait to be with Alexia. Really be with her, not through a phone screen where her sleeping face would disappear once her phone ran out of battery.

“Amor?”

You craned your head as soon as you heard that voice. Alexia was still as beautiful as ever, despite only wearing some sweatpants and a hoodie that she stole from you when you were still in high school. 

“Hi.” Alexia put her hand up in a little wave. You smiled because Alexia looked so nervous, it was adorable. 

You stood up and walked towards her slowly, your face still amused at the way she was biting her lips—a nervous habit of hers. When you were inches apart you spoke, “Hi back. Why do you look so nervous?”

Alexia’s eyes drifted anywhere but you. “I’m not nervous.”

“You totally are,” you said, trying to catch her eyes. “Can I hug you?”

Alexia finally returned your stare and once your eyes met, Alexia’s entire posture softened and she leaned forward to engulf you in a hug.

“I missed you,” Alexia exhaled deeply. “It’s only been a few weeks but I missed you.”

You wrapped your arms around her neck, whispering that you missed her too. You breathed in her familiar scent and sighed. You felt at home.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming,” Alexia said once you broke apart.

You shrugged. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Well, I am very surprised.” Alexia took your hands in hers. “I’m happy you’re here.”

“Can I kiss you now? Or are you still too nervous to do that?” you asked, your tone teasing. “ I can’t have you passing out on me.”

Alexia rolled her eyes, a small smile on her lips. “I’m not nervous.”

“So can I kiss you or not?” you asked once more, a grin on her face.

“Of course you can.”

And that was all you needed before you leaned forward and captured her lips with yours.

You kissed your girlfriend gently, you kissed her slowly while trying to convey just how much you missed her—how lonely your nights were without her to cuddle you to sleep and how cold your mornings were without her warm smile.

And when Alexia traced your bottom lip with her tongue, you couldn’t comprehend how fast your heart was beating. After countless kisses, you still felt the same way you did when Alexia first kissed you at eighteen—all fluttery as a thousand butterflies rummaged around your stomach.

Alexia’s lips on yours felt tingly, and Alexia’s hands that were caressing your waist felt like they had belonged there all along.

When you broke apart, Alexia’s hands stayed where they were, her forehead resting against yours while you both tried to catch your breath.

“I love you,” Alexia whispered. “I know I say that a lot, but I mean it every time.”

You hummed, your lips curling up into a smile. “I love you too.”

“I’m sorry, cariño, for ignoring you. I was just… sad, I guess.”

“No, I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have called you a distraction.”

“It’s just–” Alexia sighed, she was really beating herself up over this. “You’re supposed to tell me if you’re unhappy. I’m your girlfriend.”

You immediately shake your head. “I’m not unhappy—I could never be unhappy with you.”

“Then?”

You took a deep breath before continuing, “You were a distraction, but only because—Ale?”

Alexia blinked back, as if she didn’t quite understand what you said. She took a step away from your touch and turned her back towards you.

You were confused for a moment before you remembered how much of an overthinker she was.

“Ale. Baby,” you gently placed your hands on her shoulders and turned her around. Your heart broke at the sight of Alexia’s furrowed brows and the slight tremble in her bottom lips.

“Are you—Did you come back to break up with me?”

“Of course not,” you laughed. “Alexia—”

“Don’t—” Alexia tried to turn back around and leave, but you quickly grabbed her arms to prevent her from leaving.

“Alexia,” your hand travelled down to her hands, intertwining them with yours. “Look at me.”

You could see tears starting to well in her and you sighed at how much she resembled a kicked puppy. “Baby,” you cooed. “It’s nothing bad, c’mon, please don’t cry.”

“It’s not?” Alexia whispered out.

“No,” you flashed her a comforting smile. “I would never break up with you, you should know that by now.”

“Oh,” Alexia looked down, sniffling. “Then why? I’m a distraction to you?”

You lifted Alexia’s chin up with your finger. “Moving across countries isn’t an easy thing to do, you know. I have to talk to the hospital about my contract, I have to talk to my agent about my lease, I have to sell all my furniture, I have to meet with my friends to say goodbye—”

“What—”

“That’s why you were kind of distracting me, because I need to get a lot of things done if I want to come home to my girlfriend as soon as possible.”

When realization dawned on Alexia, her eyes widened and you laughed at how comical she looked. Alexia placed her hand on your mouth, muffling your laughs. “Stop laughing at me. You’re coming back?”

You took Alexia’s hand away from your mouth and grinned at her. Alexia’s eyebrows were raised, her face expectant as she waited for an answer.

You smiled fondly at her expressions before you answered her question with a kiss.

One second into the kiss, a giggle escaped your mouth, causing Alexia to break you apart, narrowing her eyes at your interruption. “Sorry, you were just too adorable.”

“Glad to know you think me crying is adorable.”

You placed a kiss on her cheek. “I don’t like seeing you cry but I wasn’t even breaking up with you, you big baby.”

“You’re so mean,” Alexia pouted. “But you’re really coming back? For good?”

“I am. I can’t be apart from you anymore. I love you and I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep next to you every night.”

“Cheesy.”

You scrunched up your nose. “Shut up. I’m trying to be cute.”

“So… will you be asking me to move in with you then?”

“Well…” you gave a sheepish grin. “I was hoping you would be the one to ask me that, since I don’t exactly have a place here anymore. Unless you want to move in with my parents, that’s okay too.”

Alexia laughed and pecked your lips. You felt warm all over. “Let’s go look for a new place. My place is too small for all our kids anyway.”

“Kids?” you looked at Alexia with wide eyes. “Alexia. Did you skip the entire wedding?”

Alexia wrapped her arms around your waist, pulling you close. “I’m talking about Nala. And Mr. Oreo, your stinky cat. Add Vicky, Jana, Esmee to the list too.”

You slapped Alexia’s arm in response. “You scared me there for a second. We need to get married first, you know. No skipping a chapter.”

Alexia laughed, kissing the top of your head. You looked at her and the sight of your girlfriend with a big smile and eyes that displayed so much happiness gave you the sudden urge to kiss her again. So you did.

With the feeling of Alexia smiling against your lips, you knew that no matter where life takes you, you’d always come home to her.

—

Y/n,

I still remember the moment you left to go to Manchester. I remember watching you leave and I remember feeling so helpless because I knew that things would change. I saw you walk away and I have never wanted to scream your name so badly—just so you would look at me one last time. But I didn’t. 

I didn’t, because you were off to do amazing things and I couldn’t keep you here as much as I wanted to. And because a part of me felt relieved that we’d be spending less time together because it would give me the time I needed to move on from you.

It worked for a while. My heart didn’t break into pieces every time I saw you and Leila on social media, and my heart didn’t feel like it’s being squeezed every time you talked about her.

My daydreams about you stopped, I didn’t hear your laugh in the back of my head at random times of the day anymore. I thought that was it. I was moving on, and I started to swallow the bitter truth that we weren’t meant to be together.

But then one night you called me. It was in the middle of the night and you couldn’t stop laughing because of a joke you just thought of. You asked if I was asleep, and I knew you’d tell me to go back to sleep if I said yes, so I lied. Only because I missed your voice and because hearing your laugh again after so long made my heart feel whole again when I didn’t even realize it had a missing piece.

I realized that, no matter how hard I try to convince myself, I would never love anyone as much as I love you.

I started to spend each night cursing at the stars, being angry and asking why the universe gave you to me, but at the same time, never letting me completely have you. 

I settled for someone else because I thought that you’d never look at me the way I looked at you. I loved someone else and their name tasted just fine on my lips but I kept on wishing that it was your name that I was whispering into the dark nights instead. And I had to come to terms that I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life with you in the way that I’d hoped, so I said ‘yes’ to someone else.

But things happened, and I found out that you had been looking at me the same way all along—hidden glances, longing gazes, the desperate yearning to know how it feels like to love each other in ways no one but us can understand.

You’re my best friend, Y/n. You’re the bestest friend I’ve ever had and now, instead of cursing at the stars, I thank them each night because the universe gave you to me and now I have the chance to be able to love and admire every part of you.

Now your name is the only one I’d whisper into the nights—the nights where it’s just us two and your face that’s illuminated by the moonlight is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Now you’re the person I said ‘yes’ to because you’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

It’s been a journey, hasn’t it? I never would have thought that we’d be here, and that in a few hours I’d get to call you my wife. 

I love you, mi amor. I have loved you since I was five and didn’t know anything about the world. I have loved you when we were apart, when nothing else was left to say between us, when the mornings without your texts turned my world darker.

And I have loved you when we’re together, when I look to the side and you’re always there next to me, when your hands feel like they’re my long-lost limb—your hands holding mine, your hands around my waist, your hands tangled through my hair, your hands around my neck, your hands holding me at night when it’s quiet except for the sound of your heart beating in sync with mine.

I have loved you for so long that it’s now a part of me and I know that I would never go a day without loving you.

And despite knowing you for most of my life, I still get nervous around you. So I’m writing this letter in case I couldn’t blurt out my vows because of how you’d be looking at me—as if I’m the only star in your sky. I hope that by reading this, you know just how much I love you and how I don’t ever plan to stop.

You make me the happiest. And I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure that you’re the happiest too.

I’ll see you in a few hours. Can’t wait to see you walk down the aisle :)

Yours forever and ever and ever, 

Alexia

----

a/n: thank you for reading. this is my longest fic yet, please let me know your thoughts!<3

[wosospacegirl]

dinosaurs and...sex? - Alexia Putellas

Summary: Alexia's girlfriend is way too stressed out for her own good, so she puts matter into her own hands (fingers)

Word count: 2.2k

Warning: (+18) fingering and oral (r receiving) and at the end suggestive to oral (r giving) because we are all switches here at wosospacegirl

A/n: I think I've found my niche in fanfic and it's writing nerdy lesbian sex...sorry it's repetitive but it's just so fun to write them...

this is a scheduled post because I *actually* have a dinosaur test to study to and I don't have alexia to eat me out so--

..

"Can I come in, or are you still acting like a monster?" Alexia said from the doorway, leaning casually against the frame. She was holding something, but you couldn't quite see what, mostly because your eyes had stopped functioning after reading the word Mesozoic for the ninth time.

You had decided to go to university.

 And now you carry that burden every day. Every. Single. Day.

It was finals week, and you were an absolute wreck. You were so stressed that you had caught the worst cold ever known to humankind. Why your immune system gave up on you at the slightest sign of stress, you didn't know.

Alexia had taken care of you and made sure you rested. But of course, that meant you hadn't been able to study for three whole days.

And now here you were, at Alexi's house, sprawled across her bed, surrounded by books that were open at completely random pages, with class notes you didn't even remember taking.

Your eyes hurt. Your head hurts. Everything hurt. But mostly your soul, because you felt like you barely had one. Surely you had long lost it between the Jurassic and the Cretaceous period.

And when everything hurt, it made you angry, because you couldn't study the way you wanted to. And when you were angry, you were rude.

Alexia had shown up (to her room, in her house) and asked if the two of you shouldn't take a walk or do something relaxing. AKA: She was getting stressed from watching you mumble like a maniac about something called…Coelurosauria?

You, ever the sweet and understanding girlfriend, had snapped at her, questioning why the hell she was bothering you while you were studying.

It wasn't a "Hi, Alexia, I'm sorry, I can't talk right now."

It was a "Oh my fucking God, Alexia, can't you leave me alone for two whole minutes?"

Alexia–who was actually sweet and understanding– didn't say anything. She just stepped closer to where you were sitting, kissed the top of your head, and left a protein bar beside you before quietly walking away, probably heading for a lonely walk around Barcelona.

You cried while studying the skeleton of the Brachiosaurus because you felt guilty afterwards.

You didn't want to be mean, but finals brought out the worst in you. Still, Alexia wasn't the one to blame.

You knew Alexia was back when you heard the front door on the first floor opening and then closing. You heard her taking off her shoes and making her way upstairs.

You felt the mattress dip beside you, and when you turned around, Alexia was sitting there. You gave her your biggest, most apologetic eyes. 

"I'm sorry," you said, genuinely.

Alexia looked at you, cupped your jaw, and brought your mouth to hers. She kissed you sweetly. "It's okay," she murmured against your lips as you closed your eyes. 

"I know you get grumpy when you're overwhelmed with school. No need to say sorry."

"Yes, I do," you said, breaking the kiss and flopping back onto the bed, almost like a starfish. Your book was lying open beside you as you stared at the ceiling. "I was rude, that's not okay."

"It is okay," Alexia said, as she hovered above you, her hair tickling your cheek. "Because you sound hot when you're mad."

You rolled your eyes and pecked her lips. "Okay, now you're stretching."

"I'm serious," she said, getting off of you and sitting cross-legged at the end of the bed. "You pout and your brows furrow…It's like  exactly the face you make when you're about to cum–"

"Okay!" you interrupted, throwing your book at her, your face burning. Alexia could be so crude when she wanted to.  "No talking about sex, or–"

"--you cumming?" Alexia teased, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," you groaned. "This is literally the most boring subject ever. It doesn't pair well with dirty talk."

Alexia stayed quiet for a few seconds, and you took that as a sign to return to your notes and re-read them. You were lying on your stomach now,  your paper was spread out in front of you, when you felt Alexia climb on top of you and drop all of her weight onto your back.

Out of the sudden, you had a book to your face as well–your zoology and evolution of dinosaur book.

Alexia cheekily snatched your notes, and before you could complain, her voice filled the room as she read the book.

"Thyreophora, often known as armoured dinosaurs, were a group of ornithischian dinosaurs that lived from the Early Jurassic until the end of the Cretaceous…"

You listened as Alexia spoke, and you couldn't help but feel as if she was… reading it erotically?

You felt her weight on your back, the way she held your book right in front of you, holding it with one hand while her other hand stayed pressed to your ribcage.

"Primitive forms had simple, low, keeled scutes or osteoderms," she continued, her voice low as she pressed more fully into your body like she was getting cosy, relaxing. "Oh, those are cool, right, bebé?" she said against your ear, and you couldn't help the shiver that ran through you.

You had known Alexia long enough to recognise when she was doing this on purpose.

Sometimes, you had the willpower to push her away and to fight back. You had to study, your exam was tomorrow!! But right now?

Right now, you wanted to be pliant.

"Most thyreophorans were herbivorous and had small brains for their size," she said, her hand slipping under your shirt, her cold fingertips grazing your skin just above your ribs. 

"Oh, does that mean they were dumb?"Alexia asked innocently, placing a kiss on the back of your neck.

"N-no," you stammered as you tried to move, but her body was still pinning you down. "Brain size doesn't really determine intelligence…"

Alexia hummed against your skin, letting the book fall onto the bed with a soft thud. 

Now her full attention was on your neck, she was licking your skin before sucking the it into her mouth.

"I thought the bigger the brain, the smarter?" she murmured.

She sat up from behind you and turned you over, leaving you flat on your back. Then she kissed you deep and slow, biting your lip.

"No, it doesn't mean that," you mumbled, lifting your arms as Alexia pulled off your shirt, leaving your torso bare. "W-what is intelligence, after all, right? It's a very human construct and we…."

Your breath hitched as Alexia kissed your stomach, slowly making her way down to your navel, then she gently tugged at the waistband of your pants.

You lifted your hips, helping her in the process of getting you naked.

"Keep going, amor, "Alexia said, kissing you just above your underwear. "I don't want to distract you from your studies."

Her fingers slid down to your centre, where the wet spot of your underwear was. Your eyes were closed now, but you knew Alexia was smirking.

"What were you saying about intelligence?"Alexia coaxed, her voice innocent, as if she wasn't doing anything wrong, as if she really was helping you study.

But thinking about dinosaurs or intelligence or anything was nearly impossible as she hooked her fingers into the sides of your underwear and pulled them aside, exposing you completely. She slid her fingers just above your cunt, spreading your weteness slowly around your folds, teasing you.

You moaned as Alexia pressed just the tip of your finger inside of your cunt, your hips moving, begging for more contact, but Alexia didn't give in. She wanted to make you work for it for a bit.

"If you don't talk," Alexia said sternly, kissing the inside of your thigh, "I'll stop. Keep going. Tell me about the subject."

You were in silence, your brain mush. It was like you forgot you even knew any words, let alone the evolution of ornithischian dinosaurs.

Although you were quick to remember it when Alexia took her mouth away from your body.

You clutched at her head, pressing her against your cunt. 

"Please, keep going–"you whined. "I-I was saying that intelligence is a human parameter, and we shouldn't judge other species based on it because it's honestly a very anthropocentric concept…"

"There she is, my smart girl, "Alexia purred. And just like magic, she slid her index finger inside of you, and your body welcomed it immediately. "What else can you tell me about those Thy… Thry…"

"Thyreophora," You breathed as Alexia slid another finger in, thrusting into you so slowly it made you want to cry. "There are two major groups, th-" 

You didn't even get to finish, because you felt alexia's hot breath against your cunt, her mouth touching your clit, wrapping her lips aorund itand sucking gently. "Fuck–more." 

Alexia slapped your thigh; it didn't sting, but it was a warning.

"Keep talking." 

So you did.

Alexia ate you out slowly as if she was savouring every single drop of your wetness. You were very aware she was enjoying herself way too much; you also knew she was doing it as a form of revenge, too.

But you didn't mind for her motives, not when she kept fucking you like that. She only stopped when you stopped talking. 

She really was taking your studies very seriously.

Alexia's tongue was thrusting inside of you. You didn't know how she had mastered the ability to penetrate you so deeply with her tongue, but you (once again) didn't care.

Her hands were pinning you down on the mattress, clutching your hip bones, not letting you move an inch as she continued to thoroughly pleasure (or maybe torture) you.

It took you a while to cum, but not because Alexia wasn't giving you what you needed, but because your body had trouble switching from stressed, anxious and overstimulated to relaxed.

Alexia didn't say a word about it. She didn't make you feel bad that it was taking longer than usual. She just kept her mouth on your cunt, as if she had all the time in the word.

And when you finally came, it felt like your body had truly relaxed for the first time in days. 

You felt as if all of your muscles relaxed all at once. Your eyes rolled back, and you yanked at Alexia's hair with a little more force than you were intending to, but she didn't complain. 

You were trying to catch your breath when alexia finally lifted her face from your cunt. 

She made her way up your body, kissing your stomach and your breasts before (finally) kissing you, and sliding her tongue in to let you taste yourself.

"See," Alexia whispered as she broke the kiss. She lay her head on your chest, her finger gently tracing your face. "I was right."

"Rigth about what?" You barely manage to say. 

"Your face when you cum," She said against your sking, kissing your collarbone. "The pout, the furrowed eyebrows."

You blink, still pretty much dizzy. "Did you make all of this... too prove a point?"

"Maybe," she said, smiling. 

"I hate you," you murmured, closing your eyes and letting your hands run through her hair.

"You don't," Alexia said. "You just came in my mouth, I think that was a love confession, actually."

You chucked at Alexia's words. 

Maybe it was the oxytocin running through your body stream, or maybe it was the quiet realisation that this was the first time you and Alexia were properly intimate in days, mostly because of your schedule at uni and her schedule at Barcelona.

You surprised yourself by lowering your head and kissing her again, your hands slipping under her shirt to trace the back tattoos you knew by heart.

Alexia kissed you back–and what was a sweet kiss–turned into something urgent.

"I want you," you breathed against her mouth, your hand curling around the back of her neck. "Now."

"Yeah?" Alexia smirked. "How?"

"On your back, legs spread open," you said.

"Okay," she simply said.

She did what you asked of her. 

She lay down, but she winced slightly when one of your pens dug into her back.

You watched her for a moment, admiring her, and then you undressed her completely. You took her shirt off, and then her training bra.

You wrapped your lips around her nipples, sucking them until Alexia was gasping, asking for more.

Without wasting another second, you pulled down her shorts and underwear in one go. 

You spread her legs apart with each of your hands and began kissing the inside of her thighs, biting them softly,  leaving teeth marks where no one would see them.

You were in your moment now.  Feeling hot and heavy, watching Alexia's cunt dripping right in forn of your face, how pretty her cunt looked, how ready she was for you.

But just as you were ready to taste her, Alexia said.

"Do you want me to read your notes out loud while you do it?"

You paused, your mouth still slightly open, looking up at her. You truly had a problem reading her facial expression.

At the same time that it looked like she was teasing you, it also seemed like the proposal was sincere, like she might actually do it if you said yes.

You glared at her, your eyes narrowing, trying to make your point across without having to use any words.

"Okay," she said quickly. "I guess that's a no."

..

A/n: Got the dino infos on Wikipedia!

Tag list: @footy-lover264 , @fortifyde, @naomigirmadefender , @neutraiise , @milkveed, @browercc , @ace-of-baked , @ikzzzya , @sky-the-trans-guy00 , @knight-16 , @wosohk04 , @evaissleepy13 , @papimapileon , @unpoppablebubbles @whiskeredshrimp-blog @goodloe-e @liloandstitchstan @s0ciety-cxv @dfwspky @karmajn @awosofavs @wosofavfanfics

[neeeooon]

hihi omg ur writing is so yum yum i jsu twanna eat it but uhm can i request a part 2 of the cuteness aggression thing ? tysm in advance ur the best fr

chars : ness ( plz he needs to be loved 🙏🙏) , the loml, apple to my eye kunigami , gagamaru ( he's so silly ) , karasu & nagi

HIHII tysm!! here ya go! ty for the request 💖🫶

when you’re affectionate toward them pt 2

bf bllk x cuteness overloaded gn!reader. fluff!

alexis ness

-> ness is so awkward, you can’t help but want to cuddle him 24/7

-> anytime there’s a pause in conversation, where he spends too much time worrying his response in his head, you’re on him. whether it be a hand over his, a kiss to the cheek, or completely throwing your entire body at him like a blanket, you’re in his space

-> “so, i was thinking.. maybe we could.. um… go to dinner..? or somet—“ “YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME, ALEXIS NESS!!!” “please don’t die..!”

kunigami rensuke

-> “can i just..?” you don’t give kunigami the chance to ask what you mean before rolling onto him and burying your face in his chest. the sound of your dramatic scream-sobs are drowned out by his shirt as he awkwardly wraps his arms around you

-> “do i even want to ask?” “YOURE JUST SO SWEET TO ME. AND YOU HAVE AMAZING BOOBS.” “i’m a guy—“ “I LOVE EM.” “okay!”

-> kunigami doesn’t have the heart to break out of your tight, nuzzling hug and will continue to hold you until you finally release him to pee

gagamaru gin

-> he’s a weirdo, but so are you, so you fit together perfectly!

-> “wanna go camping this weekend?” you offer, just to watch as his eyes begin to sparkle. you’d banned him from the woods since the last time you were together, he tried to wrestle a bear

-> “yes. are you being serious?” “i am!” “camping,” he drawls in his monotone voice, but you can practically see the hearts in his eyes and throw your arms around him. “you’re so cute! i’m sorry for temporarily banning you from the woods; let’s go have fun!”

karasu tabito

-> you can’t help but stare lovingly at your boyfriend, dreamy sighs floating from you, every time you see him

-> he’s trying to make you dinner one night, hunched over the counter in concentration with the tip of his tongue poking out from between his lips, and you feel like your heart is about to burst from your chest

-> the weight of your state has him turning his head just in time to yelp when fling yourself across the counter. “y/n—!” “FORGET DINNER! let me hug you all night long, my cute crow!” “i won’t argue wit’ that!”

nagi seishiro

-> usually it’s nagi clinging to you like a lost koala when you’re alone, but on occasion, you’ll find yourself overwhelmed with the urge to grab him by the hoodie, pull him into your chest, and never let him go

-> he catches you looking at him after dying in his game and subtly raises a brow. “hm? something on my face—?” the words barely leave him before you tackle him and cover his head in kisses

-> “WHY DO YOU LOOK SO CUTE TODAY?!” “i look the same..” “NO, TODAY YOURE MORE ADORABLE THAT USUAL. STOP IT.” “okay..”

[star-5truck]

Your relationship with Alexis Ness was close to perfect if you do say so yourself. Arguments, decision making, date reschedules? No matter what happened, at the end of the day, you and Ness still loved each other to the moon and back. You knew you were lucky when you started to date him because as much as you hate to admit it, Alexis Ness loved you more than you could ever love him.

Ness was doting, paying attention to every little detail about you. He knew you better than anyone and that was something he took immense pride in. Your favorite color, your habits, hell, he even knew your sleep schedule. So it’s safe to say that when one day when he doesn’t get any notification from you, it scares him. 

He’d left early for practice that morning, and when that happens you usually send him a ‘good morning’ text. Yet when he checked his phone during break, nothing. No text, no stupid TikTok, not anything. It’s completely normal, he assures himself, but it’s you we’re talking about. You were never off your phone, after all. Rude, he knows, but it’s the truth and he loves you either way. 

When practice comes to an end and his phone is still quiet (it’s actually filled with notifications, but not the one he wants) he’s outright overthinking. Do you hate him? Was he not worthy of your time anymore? Oh the questions could go on.

He arrives at your shared apartment and is already hyperventilating before he even gets opens the door. He walks in and you’re not in the living room, which is typical. He finds you in the bedroom, hunched over your table so engrossed in something. This somehow makes his thoughts worse. You weren’t asleep, clearly wide awake, so why the lack of updates from you?

He walks over and wraps his arms around your waist, settling his chin on your shoulder. You’re aware of his presence now as you stop whatever you’re doing. “Welcome home, baby. Practice hard today?” You asked with the sweet voice that Ness adored.

He simply hummed, it was always hard being away from you, anyway. “Are you mad at me, liebling?” 

You furrow your brows, turning your head to look at him. “Mad? Why do you ask?”

He thinks before he speaks this time. It’s honestly embarrassing to admit that he wants a notification from you. “Just asking. Seems like you were ignoring me this morning.”

You don’t reply to him, opening your phone then your chats with him. You make a small ‘oh’ sound as you realize that your lover is correct. “Sorry baby, I was busy. And must’ve forgot.” You tell him as you give him a kiss on the cheek. “I promise I’d never ignore you.”

Ness relaxes at that, right, you were just busy. He should’ve took that into account. You speak up again, putting his undivided attention onto you. “You really pay attention to those things?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” He says as if its fact. And you simply giggle before telling him to go change.

You forget that your boyfriend overthinks every little thing. You don’t mind giving reassurance, reading him that you love him unconditionally. Because in a world full of 'boys will be boys', Alexis Ness gives you nothing but the best.

[eclipixels]

OMG I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS REQUEST FOR SOO LONG.

Can you do a fanfic where Michael kaiser is getting ready for training but literally none of the bastard müchen members are there so he calls each and every one of them but turns out they're all fucking their girlfriends so they give him the lamest excuses even though its obvious what they're doing and kaiser is left alone in the field cause he's the only single one? But then Reader (who's the manager of the team) enters and Kaiser is like "Well if they're doing it then I want it too."

Characters I request he called: kurona, kiyora, Ness, isagi, Hiori and yukimiya. You can add anyone it's okay :>

Oh and PLEASE let kurona and kiyora be fucking the same girl.

Ditched

Michael Kaiser x Reader

Content: When Kaiser shows up for training and realizes all his teammates ditched him, he's furious... until the team manager shows up

A/N: I hate Kaiser so much, idk why I torture myself by writing for him but as long as y'all are happy. I give the people what they want.

Warnings: sex 🍋

[1,436 words]

      Kaiser stood at midfield, bathed in golden morning light, a king on a throne of grass and solitude.

      Alone.

      “Where the fuck is everyone?” he muttered, kicking a lone ball so hard it bounced off the goalpost and flew back at him like karma. Ouch.

      They were supposed to be training and not a single one of those traitorous fucks showed up. So, he pulled out his phone to call and see where they were.

      He called Ness first. His devoted lackey would surely—

      “Hello?” Ness answered breathlessly.

      “Where are you?” Kaiser asked exasperated.

      “I’m kinda tied up right now… literally.”

      “What?”

      “Say bye to your friend, Alexis~” A teasing feminine voice said before the line cut off. Click.

      Oh. Um. Next person? He called Yukimiya.

      “Hey, when are you getting here?”

      “Uh, might be late. I’m meditating,” Yukimiya said smoothly. “Cleansing my soul.”

      A voice whispered, "Kenyu, use your fingers."

      Kaiser ended the call this time.

      Okay, surely everyone wasn’t too busy fucking to come to practice. He’d try caling Hiori. There’s no way that kid was also balls deep in someone. But, just to be sure—

      “You better not be balls deep in anything right now.”

      Hiori sighed. “In my defense—wait, how’d you know?”

      Click.

      He called the rest of his original Bastard Munchen team and none of them were picking up. They were apparently out getting Japanese snacks to bring back to Germany after the Neo Egoist League was over.

      Maybe he’d try calling Kurona.

      “Yo,” Kurona’s voice crackled.

      “Where are you?” Kaiser asked.

      “Uh... busy.”

      “What does that mean?”

      In the background, unmistakable moaning. Then a very familiar voice.

      “Bro, switch with me, I’m getting tired—”

      Kaiser immediately recognized the other voice as Kiyora’s.

      “ARE YOU TWO FUCKING THE SAME GIRL?!”

      “…Team bonding?” Kurona said.

      Click.

      Kaiser blinked. Last and final call since there was no one left. He’d rather get hit by a bus and eat his own toes than practice with Isagi but, desperate times call for desperate measures/

      “Training, Isagi. Now.”

      Isagi’s voice came through, shaky and unconvincing.

      “Oh, uhh, can’t. My girlfriend’s cat… died. Yeah. Emotional support.”

      Kaiser narrowed his eyes.

      From the other end, squeaking bedsprings and "Ichi~ don’t stop!"

      “…Shit.”

      Click.

      He stood there. Alone. Every one of them getting action.

      He kicked the ball again. It hit a cone and the cone fell over like his will to live.

      And that’s when he heard footsteps.

      You, the team manager, clipboard in hand, walking across the field like a divine punishment and a salvation wrapped into one. looked up at him.

      “Oh, you’re the only one here?” you asked, brushing your hair back.

      Kaiser stared. His heart did something stupid. You were wearing shorts. His thoughts were not at all godly.

      “Lass uns ficken.” He said with way more confidenece than he should’ve had. You just stared at him. He just stared at you. Slowly, you pulled out a small pod from your pocket and put in the Mikage earbuds.

      “Sorry, can you repeat that?” You gave him a stupid dorky smile and rolled his eyes so far back into his head he almost found a brain.

      “Yeah, I’m the only one here.” He huffed, stepping away from you and kicking the ball again, this time not hitting him back in the face.

      “Uh, do you happen to know why?” You followed him, trying to get his attention.

      "Dunno," he grumbled. "Guess they all decided they'd be fucking today."

      You almost choked. "Huh?"

      "Yep." Kaiser ran a hand through his messy blond hair. He looked...annoyed, hot, bothered, and alone. You watched him idley.

      "Whatever," he said, voice sharp. "I'll just go home. Fuck training. Not my fault."

      He started packing up his stuff half-heartedly. For a second, you hesitated. Then, because you were an idiot or maybe because he looked so fucking good with his jersey clinging to his skin, sweat on his throat, irritation in his body, you spoke up.

      "Well... I’m still here."

      He froze, ball tucked under his arm. Slowly, he turned to face you.

      "You are," he said. It’s not like you turned down his earlier invitation. Then again, you didn’t even understand what he said. His eyes dragged over you, head tilting, calculating, cocky. "And you’re not fucking anyone right now, right?"

      You raised a brow. "Obviously."

      Kaiser grinned, slow and dangerous. The ball dropped from under his arm, forgotten. He took a step closer. And then another.

      “Do you want to?” He whispered in your ear.

      You kissed him.

      Kaiser kissed you back. It. was. rough. His hand fisted in your shirt, bunching the fabric at your lower back. His tongue licked into your mouth without asking, greedy and hot, and you gasped against him.

      Clothes hit the grass one by one. His jersey, your shorts. You stumbled together toward the sidelines, behind the benches, hidden from view. Your back hit the cool wall of the dugout and Kaiser pressed into you, hard, like he couldn’t get close enough.

      "Fucking finally," he hissed against your throat, dragging his teeth over the skin there.

      You barely managed to breathe out a shaky, "Michael—"

      "Yeah, that's right," he growled. "Say it again while I fuck you."

      You did. You said it over and over again until your voice was hoarse, body trembling in his hands, and Kaiser finally got exactly what he wanted.

      He shoved your shorts down with one hand, rough and impatient, not even bothering to fully undress you, just enough to get to what he wanted. You kicked them off one leg so you wouldn't trip. He did the same with his own pants, pushing his briefs low enough to free his cock, hard and leaking at the tip, already pressed against your thigh.

      "Turn around," he rasped against your neck.

      You obeyed without thinking, turning to face the wall of the dugout, hands braced against the cool surface. Your heart thundered in your chest as you felt him behind you, warm and huge and so fucking ready. His hand slid down your spine, slow and heavy, until he was grabbing your ass with both hands, squeezing possessively.

      "Perfect,"

      Then you felt him. Thick, hot, udging against your entrance. He hissed a breath through his teeth, almost losing his mind right there.

      "Fuck, you're already wet for me," he growled.

      You pushed back against him, desperate for more.

      "Michael," you whined, needy.

      His voice was sharp against your ear, his tip barely pushing in.

      "Please," you gasped. "Fuck me."

      That was all he needed.

      Kaiser drove into you in one deep, hard thrust that knocked the air from your lungs. You let out a broken moan, head dropping against your arm. He didn't stop to let you adjust, just gripped your hips tighter and started to move, snapping his hips forward with sharp, punishing thrusts.

      "You feel so fucking good," he groaned, his voice wrecked. "Fucking made for me."

      Every thrust sent shocks of pleasure through you, the rough friction making you whimper shamelessly. You could hear the wet, filthy sounds of him pounding into you, the slap of skin on skin, the way his breath stuttered when you clenched around him.

      "You like this, huh?" he panted, hips slamming into yours. "Love it, don’t you?”

      You nodded frantically, unable to even speak properly anymore. Kaiser leaned over you, his chest pressed against your back, fucking you even deeper now, grinding against your sweet spot over and over until you were sobbing his name.

      His hand snaked around to rub quick, rough circles over your clit, driving you even closer to the edge.

      "Come for me," he ordered against your ear, voice wrecked and demanding. "Now."

      You shattered, your whole body locking up, pleasure slamming through you so hard it almost hurt. You cried out his name, your walls spasming around him. Kaiser cursed, a broken, desperate sound and slammed into you a few more times before he spilled inside you with a low groan, hips jerking.

      You stayed there, trembling, gasping, his weight heavy and grounding against your back. For a moment, the only sound was the wind and the two of you trying to catch your breath. Then Kaiser laughed. It was breathless and victorious and then he pressed a lazy kiss to your shoulder.

      "You look like a mess." he said smugly, still buried inside you.

      You wanted to punch him. You also wanted him to do it again. Maybe you would. Maybe you’d let him ruin you right here on the field all afternoon.

      After all, he was the only one who showed up.

[cwwv9]

Hii I saw ur plead for requests so I thought of this

What about sensitive reader with the BLLK boys. She loves animals, has the biggest mushiest heart you’ll ever find, always feeling bad for people, buys plushies she thinks look “lonely”, cries to sad songs easily, and overall just a lover

«Warmer than the whole world»

— Without gender!Emotional!Reader x Isagi Yoichi, Meguro Bachira, Hiori Yo, Karasu Tabio, Chigiri Hyoma, Michael Kaiser Rin Itoshi, Alexis Ness, Shidou Ryusei, Sae Itoshi.

Warnings: Emotional sensitivity of the reader, Tears, scenes of sadness and vulnerability, Soft interaction and gentle treatment, Topics «tenderness among cruelty», emotional openness and acceptance

Note: Love such requests. thanks for the request, hope you like.

mailbox open for queries!!!!

Isagi Yoichi

▪ Isagi didn’t know how to react at first.

▪︎ He is a man of purpose, tension, struggle. And you? You stop in the middle of the street to feed the pigeons. You tell the teddy bear he’s safe because he has a house now.

▪︎ It was confusing at first. But one day, after a hard workout, he came home and found you lying on the floor, hugging a plush whale who, you said, «was too sad to leave him in the store».

Isagi sat next to me and just watched.

«You feel so deeply... I never knew what was possible. Maybe with you I don’t need to be perfect. Just being kind is enough».

▪ Now he checks himself if your toys are cold.

Meguro Bachira

▪︎ Bachira fell in love with you at once. Like in music. Like in the morning fog. You talk to animals as if they understand you. You call the puddles «small houses for reflections» and cry when you hear an acoustic version of the old song.

▪ You’re a miracle to him. He loves watching you hug stuffed animals, telling them they’re not alone.

▪ - You’re like a forest fairy who escaped to our world - he says, lying with you on the floor, surrounded by your «saved» toys. - You cure me just by existing.

▪ He is sure that your kindness is a superpower. Not noisy, but eternal.

Hiori Yo

▪ He watches you hanging tiny sweaters on your stuffed animals.

▪ Hears you sing a sad song, dries out the tears, and doesn’t interfere - just brings you a cup of tea.

▪ Hiori lives inside of you, and your sensitivity as if it animates something in him. With you the world becomes brighter. Warmer.

«I thought it was too quiet for someone. And then you appeared - and made my silence a home».

▪ He started to pick up the toys himself, to add to your collection. But he does it in silence, with small notes: «He looked lost».

Karasu Tobio

▪︎ You piss him off. Well, in theory. You cry under the advertising jingles, protect plush pandas from loneliness, pity criminals, because «they must have been bad too».

▪ Karasu rolls his eyes, ulcers, calls you a "soul blanket".

▪ But when you once held an old toy to yourself and whispered, I just don’t want anyone to feel unnecessary," - he stopped.

«Damn, you’re overstating me...»

▪ Now he wears in a backpack of plush cactus with hearts on his feet - "don’t ask, it’s not your business." But you know.

Chigiri Hyoma

▪ You hurt him. Not on purpose. Just by your kindness you remind him of the version of yourself that dreamed, felt, believed.

▪ You pet a stray dog without fear of getting dirty. You cry when you hear the stranger’s story on the bench. You can’t get past the pain.

▪ And Chigiri feels something moving in his chest.

- You’re like spring, he says one day, pressing your palms to his lips. I’ve been... too long in winter.

▪ He is afraid for you. But more than that, he’s afraid of losing your light.

Michael Kaiser

▪ He was disgusted by you. At first.

▪ He’s used to a world where kindness is weakness, and you... you bought a rabbit with an ear ripped out because "he seemed sad."

▪ But then the Kaiser started to notice how you’re hugging the toy, sitting in a corner, listening to music and quietly crying, not pretending to be strong.

He doesn’t understand you, but he does.

«Maybe there is a place in this world for someone who does not play at the show. Who just loves».

▪ Now he goes with you to the store and chooses animals himself. With a grin. But buys. And he says so that you are not difficult.

Rin Itoshi

▪︎ You upset him. He doesn’t know how to handle it. He’s practical, closed-minded, rational. And you? You’re holding a teddy bear in your hands and saying he needs love.

▪ First, Rin frowns and is isolated.

- Won’t you get tired of feeling everything?

▪ But then he walks into your room when you’re listening to the song and shivering with tears. He sits next to you. Silent.

«You are real. More than anyone».

▪ He doesn’t know how to hug words. That’s why he just sits next to you. Just so you know: you’re not alone.

Alexis Ness

▪ Ness immediately saw the pure gold in you. He is delighted to see you talking to the toys as if they were your team.

▪ It captures your reactions to the music, specifically includes tracks from which you stop.

- You must feel deeper than anyone else, he whispers. And yet you continue to shine.

▪ He ties your stuffed animal toys with ribbons. Makes them tiny plates.

▪ He wants to be a part of your warm world. With his whole soul.

Ryusei Shido

▪ He’s laughing. Of course he’s laughing.

- Are you seriously crying because this toy is «lonely»?

▪ But then you look at him with eyes full of sincerity. And he suddenly shuts down.

▪ Because I’m not used to that kind of look.

You’re not lying. You really feel it. Everything.

- You, I think, are the craziest man I’ve ever known, he says, lying on the couch. And I like that.

▪ Shido himself begins to bring you the «strange» toys. Supposedly from fun. But you catch, as he sometimes holds them at night.

Sae Itoshi

▪ He watches in silence as you take out a stuffed whale and wrap it in a scarf. As you whisper: "He is tired today."

Saee doesn’t interrupt. He doesn’t ask. He just looks.

«In a world where everyone wants something from others, you just... love».

▪ He understands that your goodness is not weakness. It’s a rebellion against cruelty. It’s a faith that doesn’t ask for evidence.

▪ And Sae begins to bring you toys from other countries. - This one, I think, looked just like you at dawn.

▪ He is silent. But in his silence there is awe.

[fairytaleendingss]

The Beard Dilemma

Requested by @fire-joestar (This started off like your request and then just kind of took on a life of it's own haha).

Summary: John tells you he's thinking of shaving and isn't prepared for the conversation that follows,

Pairing: John Walker x fem!Reader

CW: Nothing. Complete crack lol.

This one kind of got away from me. Anyway, enjoy!!!

--

Sunlight peaked in through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the skin of your cheek. You were laying in John's bed in the tower, sprawled out, tangled in covers. The soft sounds of the shower running could be heard from the bathroom, a comforting background noise that lulled you into a sense of ease in the space.

You sighed thickly, breathing John's scent off the pillowcase as you snuggled further down into the covers. It was nearing 11am on a lazy Sunday morning and you had no plans for the day so you were making the most of the rare chance to sleep in.

"Hey baby?"

John stepped out of the bathroom, steam billowing from the doorway behind him. He had a towl wrapped around his waist and you couldn't help but smile at him as your eyes drifted up his bare torso. His chest was still damp with condensation, making his skin shine in the pale morning glow.

"Yes, my love?" you responded lazily, rolling over slightly to get a better view as he moved across the room.

He stopped in front of the mirror that hung over the dresser, examining his face in the reflection.

"I'm thinking of shaving my beard."

You sat up straight, eyes widening in horror, as though he'd just confessed to murder. In fact, you likely would've been less surprised if that's what he'd actually said.

"What?" he asked, swivilling on his feet to look at you, having caught a glimpse of your panicked expression in the mirror.

"No! You can't, John!" you all but shouted at him.

He raised an eyebrow at you as he begun to dress. "Why not?"

"Because!" you pleaded at him. "I love your beard! It's like my favourite thing about you!"

He sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at you with a playful glint in his eye. "Jeez, if your favourite thing about your boyfriend is his beard, I think we have bigger problems to discuss."

You reached out your hand and ran your fingers gently along the curve of his jaw, feeling the soft bristles against your skin. You pouted dramatically.

"Hey, don't give me that look!" he scolded. You pouted even more.

"I love your beard. It's so nice. It's all prickly when I kiss your cheek."

He chuckled. "I didn't realise that was a positive."

He moved your hand from his face and gently pressed a feather-light kissto your palm. You couldn't help the slight quirking upwards at the corners of your lips. Still, you held your ground.

"Why do you want to shave it off anyway?"

He sighed. "I was on twitter and I saw this poll."

You're jaw dropped. "Are you serious?"

He reached up, rubbing a hand down the length of his chin. "Well, yeah. There were a bunch of people that said I looked better before I grew the beard so I thought I might-"

"Might do what?" You raised a brow at him dangerously. "Listen to the opinions of a bunch of strangers on the internet over your own girlfriend?"

"Well, no. Of course not. But the poll-"

You pursed your lips. Eyes narrowing at him.

"Fine! You want a poll. Lets take it to the group."

And with that you hopped out of bed and made a hurried exit. John's eyes widened as he got up to follow behind you.

"Wait. Hold on now!"

You made your way into the main living area, glad to see that everyone was conviniently located.

"Great! You're all here!"

A bunch of eyes turned to face you curiously. John was red in the face with embarassement but you continued before he could stop you.

"Who here thinks that John should shave off his beard?"

"No! Terrible idea," Alexi boomed instantly from his spot on the sofa. "Beard is a sign of man-hood. Shave it and have face like hairless baby kitten."

You turned to John. "See! Alexi agrees with me."

"I don't now," Yelena chimed in from where she sat, feeding her guinea pig. "I like the clean-shaven look. Its more sophisticated."

You sighed. "Fine. Two for beard, one for no beard. Bucky? What do you think."

Bucky was seated in an armchair across the room, reading a book by the window. "I don't care."

"Thats fair enough. Ava?"

She looked up absently from where she and Bob were clearly engaged in a very intense game of cards - one that likely involved a lot of cheating from Ava's end. "What one does Walker want?"

"He wants to shave it," you supplied.

"Fine. I say beard."

"Hah!" you blurted with a devilish grin but then Bob spoke up.

"Walker, in my opinion, you should do whatever will make you happy."

"Thank you, Bob," John responded, giving you a pointed look. Bob sent John a soft smile just as Ava placed another card down.

"Pick up four."

"What? Again? How are there so many of these in the deck?"

"Fine, that's three and three. We're going to need a tie breaker," you muttered thoughtfully.

"Bucky-"

"Nope."

You sighed dejectedly. "Okay fine then. Let's settle this the old fashioned way."

You turned to look at your boyfriend, who's brows were furrowed curiously. "You. Me. The training mat. Let's go!"

"What?" John remarked in surprise. "I'm not going to fight you if that's what your asking."

"Why not?"

"Because that's stupid."

"No, it's not! Fight me!"

"I'm not fighting you."

"Why? Are you scared?"

"No."

"Then why won't you fight me?"

"Because!"

"Fight me!"

"Okay, that's enough!" Bucky's voice, riddled with irritation, cut through the room. "For gods sake, John, just keep the damn beard.

"Yes!" you cheered loudly moving to give Alexi a loud high-five.

John just rolled his eyes exasperatedly. "Fine, you win."

You sent him a sickeningly innocent smile. "Well, if my job here is done, I'm going back to bed. See you guys later."

With that, you turned on your heel and made your way back to John's room, leaving a room full of curious and slightly confused eyes following in your wake.

"Well," Yelena stated, going back to what she's previously been doing. "She's clearly crazy."

John couldn't stop the fond smile that spread over his cheeks. "Yeah, I know."

And on that note, he moved to follow you back to bed.

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Leave the Light On

Robert Reynolds x Reader

Words: 6225

Summary: As Bob is learning to control his powers, his guilt comes to a breaking point when he sees something from your past. 

Notes: How could I not use one of my favorite hurt/comfort tropes with this fine, fine man? He has become one of my golden boys and I will protect him at all costs…except in my own writing.  Also, like with the Top Gun imagine, I might revisit this character arch. I think Blue Fire could be fun to work with. Let me know what you think!

Warnings: Abuse, trauma, anxiety, depression... about what you'd expect.

More Marvel imagines: HERE

-

He’d asked you once if you didn’t want to tell them because you were ashamed of it. Ashamed of him. It couldn't be further from the truth, of course, but once Bob got something in his head, it tended to burrow in and not come out for weeks. Now, every time you caught his eye from across the tower, he avoided you. 

“Who’s been using my goddamn toothbrush?” Walker’s voice boomed throughout the entire penthouse Valentina put you up in. 

You still didn’t feel right. Standing where they had stood. 

Just because she was calling you heroes didn’t make it true. 

“Why would any of us use your toothbrush?” Ava scoffed as Walker stormed into the main living space, holding the little bristled tool in hand. She didn’t even look up from her book. 

“Well, I definitely didn’t leave it lying face down on the counter so all of your disgusting bacteria could collect on it,” he snapped back. 

You rolled your eyes. 

So no. It wasn’t that you were ashamed. You weren’t ashamed of Bob or being with him or anything like that. 

You didn’t want to tell them because they were assholes. 

“Y/N? Was it you? Huh?” Walker waved the toothbrush in front of your face. 

You snatched it out of his super soldier grip and threw it as hard as you could across the room. It clattered somewhere behind the bar.

Across the living room, Bob snickered by the window.

“Oh, do you find that funny, Bob?” Walker whined. “You think Y/N is hilarious because she’s mutilating my things?” 

“You know I don’t like it when you get closer than three feet to me, Walker,” you said. 

“You don’t like it when I do this? Huh?” The former super-soldier loomed over you, pressing up against your chair. 

“God, you are such a dick,” you muttered, standing up and taking a swing. 

Walker caught your fist and wrenched your arm back. 

Damn serum. 

“Admit you’ve been messing with my stuff,” he said.

“I haven’t touched your fu- ahh!” He pushed harder on your arm, knowing he could break it if he really wanted to. 

A pair of bare feet and blue sweats appeared in your vision. You craned your neck to look up. Bob stood in front of you both. And his eyes were glowing. He didn’t have to say anything. Walker let you go.

“Stop messing with my stuff,” Walker muttered, stomping away like an angry little kid. 

Bob’s stare followed him. His fists clenched at his sides. 

You stretched your arm out to ease some of the soreness. Blocking the other’s view with your body, you covered Bob’s hand with yours, forcing his fingers to relax. 

“I’m fine,” you whispered. 

Slowly, his gaze returned to you, and his eyes went back to their dark, thoughtful blue. 

“Okay.” The word fell from his lips like a breath of relief, soft and spreading warmth through your cheeks. His fingers laced together with yours. “Okay.” He cleared his throat, ducking his head. “I’m gonna go. Yeah. I need to go… clean my room.” 

Even he found himself wincing at the awkwardness, but instead of backtracking, he hurried off, flexing his fingers at his sides to battle the lingering feeling of your touch. 

You watched him disappear down the hall and felt the others watching you, so you turned on your heel and walked the other way, deciding to get some air on the balcony.

Bucky, Yelena, and Alexi caught the tail end of the encounter, thankfully missing Walker’s hissy fit. They did, however, see you and Bob retreating in opposite directions. Yelena clicked her tongue and leaned over to the Winter Soldier. 

“How long do you think it’ll take them to realize we already know?” She whispered. 

Bucky thought for a second, crossing his metal arm over the other. “I think they’ll go for another week before they come clean.” 

She snorted. “Like they’ll keep it up that long.” 

Bucky raised a brow. 

“What? It isn’t like Mr. Shadow is great at subtlety and Y/N is trying so hard to hide it, she doesn’t even realize she’s giving away all her cards.”

“Showing her cards,” Bucky corrected. 

Yelena ignored him. “Should we let them know that we know?”

“Absolutely not.” 

Now it was her turn to raise her brows. 

Bucky frowned. “Do you have any idea how little entertainment I get?” He shook his head. “No. I want to see how this plays out.” 

The two watched you storm out onto the balcony and grip the railing like it was keeping you from going over. Oh yeah. You had it bad. 

“Twenty bucks says three days,” Yelena said. 

Bucky held out his good hand. “Deal.”

Alexi walked behind the bar to make himself a drink and bent down. “Hey, look, free toothbrush!” 

-

You retreated to your room when you couldn’t stand the sound of Walker and Alexi bickering over something you didn’t care enough to listen to. Yours was on the second level of the penthouse and gave you a view that faced the Hudson. 

“Are you ready for your swimming lesson?” 

You flinched and quickly looked away, drawing the curtain over the window and casting the room into shadow, including the far corner by your closet. 

“Hey.”

“Jesus Christ, Bob!”

You switched on your lamp, and he leaned forward so he was in the light, giving you a sheepish smile. 

“Sorry.” 

You sat on the edge of your bed and ran your fingers through your hair, wincing at the soreness still in your arm.

“Walker is such an asshole,” you muttered, rolling your shoulder to ease some of the ache. Walker’s grip had shifted your sleeve up. White-pink marks blared back at you against your skin. You tugged your shirt sleeve back down and kept stretching. “So are you talking to me now?” 

“I wasn’t,” he shrank back, “not talking to you.”

“Liar.” You shot him a teasing smirk. Pulling your arm across you, you felt your muscles ease a bit. “Do you see why now?”

Bob glanced down at his hands, fingers interlocking and releasing. “Not really.”

“Because they suck!” You exclaimed. Shifting to sit across from him, you reached out, pulling his hands to your lap, lacing your fingers through his instead. “Believe me, my hesitation has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the people we unfortunately call our friends.” 

Not to mention Valentina. You were not about to become a poster couple for her stupid campaign. She was insufferable enough as it was. You could see it now. Valentina’s Valentine Cards, featuring The New Avengers’ Blue Fire and… Bob. 

No. You’d spent enough of your life under a magnifying glass. You weren’t going to do that to the best thing that had happened to you in, well, ever. The thought alone made your hands tingle with the power that burned in your body. 

“Are you okay?” Bob asked softly. 

You calmed down and held his hands a little tighter. Your eyes met those deep blues, and you smiled. “Yeah. Always.” 

His fingers moved from yours to your wrists, tracing the skin up under your sleeves. Your breathing hitched, but you didn’t pull away. Bob stood, shifting so he was beside you. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, wrapping his arms around your middle. 

“I’m sorry Walker was an asshole.” 

You snorted. “It’s not your fault. I think they put it in the serum.” You embraced him in turn, curling your body into his. Sometimes it felt like the only place in the world where you fit. You felt his arms tighten a little around you. His lashes tickled your skin as he screwed his eyes shut. 

“Ren?” You pulled back just enough to get a look at him. “Ren, what’s wrong?”

“I’m trying,” he gasped out, “I can’t-” Those dark blue eyes met yours in panic and apology. 

And you both vanished. 

“Are you ready for your first swimming lesson?” 

Two hands came down hard on your back, knocking the wind out of you and pushing you into the frigid waters. Only it wasn’t you. You could still feel the harshness of his palms on your shoulder blades, but it wasn’t happening to you. At least, not you you. 

But the little girl in front of you, whose head went under the water and came up coughing, begging her daddy to help her, was you once. She had your hair, though shorter, your eyes, though less haunted. 

You flinched as your little arms splashed against the water, desperate to keep afloat. Gurgled screams echoed through your head. 

With your feet still planted on the dock, you stared at him, with his cold, calculating eyes. The hard set of his jaw and the tense, disappointed way he crossed his arms. 

Your father. 

“No,” you hissed under your breath and dove into the water. 

It was every bit as cold as you remembered, freezing your skin at first touch. You clenched your teeth to keep them from chattering. The muscles of your arms and legs seized up in the icy water, but you pushed on, eyes searching for that small, scared little girl. All you found, though, was the dark. 

A hand latched onto your wrist, keeping you from going any deeper. You fought against it, but it was stronger. He was stronger. 

Bob pulled you to him, and when you opened your eyes again, trying to blink back that terrible water, you were back in your room. His arms clung to you, but when he realized you were both back, he recoiled. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I try to stop-”

Still feeling like you were holding your breath, you held up a hand. “It’s okay.” 

“Y/N, I-”

“Ren, really.” You inhaled. You exhaled. “I’m fine.” You motioned to the room around you. “See? We’re back. We’re fine.”

“But what you saw…” He trailed off, grimacing.

You took his face in your hands. “It’s nothing I don’t see already, okay?” If your words couldn’t convince him, your lips might, pressing against his gently, reassuring. “You brought me back.” 

It was enough to make him smile, at least a little. 

“You brought yourself back,” he said. He kept kissing you anyway. 

It was one of the things that worried him the most about you. He could never get enough. The more time he spent with you, touching you, the more risk there was of his powers taking over. 

“I’m starving,” you said, resting your forehead against his. “Think you can fly us to a pizza place or something?” With your arms draped around his neck, you could feel his laugh even before you heard it.

“I don’t think Valentina would like that idea.”

“Well, Valentina is a bitch.” You pouted your lips and tilted your head. “Please please please please.”

“I will walk with you to the nearest place,” Bob said. 

You rolled your eyes. “Boring, but fine.” Drawing a finger over his cheek, you let your thumb land on his lips. “But only if we get extra cheese.” 

“I can live with that.” 

Bob drew you back to him for another long, sweet kiss. He let his hands settle at the small of your back, making sure to only touch the fabric of your sweatshirt. Still, he held you as close as he could without fear of hurting you. But in the back of his mind, he was thinking of you lost in that dark water, swimming after something you’d never catch. 

-

Bob didn’t consider himself to be a brave person. He was always scared all the time. Sure, back at the compound, he’d run after Valentina’s men so that the others could get away, but he didn’t consider that courage. 

Bravery and the willingness to die weren’t exactly the same thing. 

But he wondered if there wasn’t something to be said for doing something that scared him every single day. Did that make him brave? Because being with you scared him more than almost anything. 

He watched the light streaming through the window touch your skin. The sun glittered against your bare shoulder. His fingers hovered just over the spot, not quite touching you, not quite sure. 

How could something scare him so much and yet feel like the first right thing in his entire life?

You stirred, turning just enough that you bumped into his touch. 

Bob scurried away and screwed his eyes shut tight. 

You sighed out a tired sound. “Are you doing that thing where you pretend you weren’t watching me?” 

He opened one eye and found you smiling at him. “No.” 

You fully rolled over so you could lay your hand on his cheek. 

He opened the other eye too. 

“Morning,” he mumbled. 

“How’d you sleep?”

He shrugged. “Better.” 

He always slept better when he was next to you. You were like a dreamcatcher for whatever this thing inside him was. You caught it all and stored it away. He just worried about what it was doing to you instead. 

You tucked a brown wave behind his ear and kissed him slowly, sweetly. 

“Good.”

“What, um,” he stammered, “what about you? Did you, uh… sleep?”

You wondered if he could tell. Could he sense a nightmare even if he wasn’t part of it? That wasn’t entirely true, of course. He was there. Most of your nightmares involved him, locked away in your childhood home, hidden in a box by your father so he could use him as a weapon against the impending end of the world. 

Not far off from Valentina’s original plans, it seemed. 

“Like a rock,” you plastered a smile on your face and kissed him again. 

There, lying there while his arms wrapped around you and gently tugged you to his chest, that’s where you needed to be. That’s all you needed. 

You breathed him in, not realizing how much you were shaking against him. 

“Hey,” he said, “are you cold?” He pulled the blankets tighter around you and rubbed his hands up and down your arms.

“I’m fine, Ren.”

A little smile teased his lips the way it always did when you used his nickname. It was his turn to pull your lips to his, kissing both corners, then your jaw, then up to the spot by your ear. His giggle rumbled through you. 

“We have to get up.”

“Why? Do you have plans I don’t know about?”

You laughed, his hands falling to your hips, fingers tickling. “No. I’ve got a hot date with Bucky.” 

Bob nipped your ear. 

“Very funny.” 

“I’m serious.” You curled a light-brown strand around your finger. “I have a thing for super soldier serum, I guess. Walker is next on my list.” 

For a split second, that familiar little ring of cold circled his captivating blue irises. But only for a second. Then, your Bob was back, pouting. 

“It is too early for you to be this mean to me.” 

“I’m sorry,” you snickered. “Do you want me to kiss it to make it better?”

The gold returned in a circled sliver, accompanied by a fierce blush overtaking his cheeks. God, you couldn’t get enough of him. 

“I…um…” Flustered, he cleared his throat, which made him actually cough, which started a coughing fit that you could only laugh at. 

“I’m going to get some coffee,” you said, reaching for your clothes beside the bed.

 In the flicker of movement, Bob caught a glimpse of the scar on your arm, thigh, and back of the neck. You’d never told him what they were from. He never asked, of course, but he’d wondered. He knew self-harm. And he knew better than most what needle marks looked like. These weren’t either. He had a feeling. A bad one. 

“Stay a little longer?” He asked, his voice so sweet and tired that you had to look back with a smile. He tugged on your hand. 

“What’s up with you this morning?”

Bob shrugged. “I just like it when we stay in here. Nothing else can touch us in here.” 

Out there, he was always worried about doing the wrong thing or letting too much of his power loose. When he could lie here, holding you, it anchored him to this reality. You kept the shadows away, as well as the blinding light that came with the other side of him. Everyone saw him as split in two. The Sentry and The Void. Sometimes it felt like you were the only one who saw him. 

“Okay.” You layed back down, allowing him to quickly snuggle back beside you, tucking your head under his chin. 

It all felt so right. More right than he’d ever been. No matter what he’d done, he’d always been wrong. With his family, with the world, as The Sentry. But then you stepped into his shadows, and you saw him for all that he could be. Not in the way Valentina did, but in a way he wanted to aspire to. He wanted to be the person you saw in him. 

And isn’t that was love was?

“I love you,” Bob whispered.

You stiffened in his arms. 

“What?”

Gathering his confidence, he said it a little louder. “I love you, Y/N.”

Suddenly, his arms felt very hot, like he was holding onto a space heater. It wasn’t until he saw the slight blue glow that he released you. Your body lit up with the neon color, just like the weapons you’d described to him. 

Blue Flame.

He’d only seen it once before- when you were helping him escape the vault before Valentina burned you all away. Even then, you hadn’t looked this scared. 

“I think I should go,” you said, voice cracking. 

Bob’s face fell. 

You started toward the door.

“Y/N, wait,” he pleaded, reaching for you. When he grabbed your hand, it felt like he’d been struck by lightning. 

He couldn’t stop it after that. 

The two of you tumbled into the dark, but water wasn’t what you found. It was blood. 

You knew where you were before you heard the screaming. Before you saw the sad trail of blood leading to the table where your younger self tried to get free of your restraints. Your leg and arm were already opened up, small slits bleeding all over the floor. He’d tied you facedown to the table

“They figured it out,” your father muttered. “They know. They know and they’re trying to turn you against me.”

“Dad, please,” you begged. 

“I have to get the chip out. Then, things will go back to how they were.” He dug his scalpel into the back of your neck. 

Bob stood beside you in the corner of the room, watching you watching yourself. You were both frozen in place, whether by the force of your memory or the fear running like ice through your veins. All he could do was stand there.

He couldn't remember ever seeing you really cry before. Not like this.

Your face crumpled, and you had to bring a hand up to your lips to muffle your sob. 

When your father was finished, satisfied that there was nothing hiding beneath your skin, he turned to the other table.

“Leave him alone,” you growled, both in the past and as you stood there watching. 

Your little brother, barely eighteen, sat up, willing and waiting. He held out his arm. 

“Find it, Dad,” Cam said. The hard set of his jaw was betrayed by the welling terror in his eyes. “I believe you.”

Your father sneered back at your younger self, but you felt like he was staring right through you. It rattled you worse than any hit you’d taken. You wanted to hide or run, but there was nowhere to go. 

Bob almost reached for you, but he didn’t. 

You walked toward the tables. 

“I said, leave him alone!” Younger you shouted. 

The scalpel hovered over your brother’s wrist.

Brightness took over your vision, as blinding as it was in all of your nightmares. You could feel the terrible burn in your skin. It made your vision blur even more until all you could see was that light. The power forced into your veins with the technology that almost destroyed New York. 

You hit your knees as it faded. 

“Y/N,” Bob exclaimed, finally breaking himself out of his trance to rush to your side. 

“It works,” your father gasped. A wide, awful grin spread across his face. “It works!” 

The you of the past leveled your hard, glowing gaze on your father. You raised your hand. 

“Don’t!” Cam pleaded.

“Is this what you wanted, daddy?” You hissed. The blue intensified again, spreading across the lines of your palm and creeping up your veins. It settled in your eyes, turning them to ice. “Is this what you wanted!” 

Dad held up his hands in front of him, face softening to that false paternal smile that made your stomach roll. “Don’t you see, sweetheart? Don’t you see the power I’ve given you? They won’t be able to hurt us.” His voice faltered, trying to hide his fear. “Nothing will hurt you again.”

“No.” You let the power flow through you and launch itself forward. “Nothing will.” 

A beam of cerulean light rammed into your father’s chest. The smell of burning cloth and meat filled your lungs. 

You could still taste it in the air as you knelt on the lab floor. It choked you like thick, black smoke. You tried to breathe through it, but your throat constricted, your sobs warbling into gasps for air. 

The hole in your father’s chest might as well have been yours, leaving nothing but charred, emptiness. 

He slumped forward, face still watching you with a proud, grotesque smile. 

Cam struggled against his restraints, screaming. 

You stepped toward him. 

You reached for him from your place on the floor. 

He turned a burning glare on you. Not the you from the past, but you. The one crying on the ground, trying to breathe. 

“How could you?” He hissed. 

“Cam, please,” the younger you begged. You took another step and turned to dust. 

You watched yourself drift away into the dark and everything else blurred around you.

A hand landed on your shoulder and you were back in your bedroom. You were on the ground, shaking hands braced against the floor to keep yourself from crumbling completely. 

Five years. You’d gotten a second to grieve everything you’d lost while the rest of the world got five years to move on. 

“Y/N, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“Don’t touch me.” You recoiled from Bob’s touch. You could feel it rising in you again, the power. You worried what it would do to him if you didn’t get away. 

Bob knelt beside you and let his hands fall to his lap. He watched tears fall down your face and couldn’t stop his own from clouding his vision. He wiped them away quickly, but they kept coming. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” he said softly. 

Your eyes snapped to his. “What?”

Bob’s lip trembled and he reached for you again, only to let his hand linger there in the air between you. Forever held out to you. 

You didn’t take it. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” he repeated, voice cracking. 

You’d never told him- told anyone, really. The only one who had some semblance of an idea was Valentina and that was only because your father worked for her. She gave him the resources to make you what you were and you worked for her anyway.

“You don’t know,” you said in a low voice. The smoke and smell of your father’s burning heart still felt like they were wrapped around the inside of your throat, blocking any breath. “I killed him.”

“You were protecting your brother-”

“Who killed himself two years later!” You finally found your voice in a scream. It was all crashing down on you and the only way you could see out of it was anger. You scrambled to your feet and backed away, trying not to notice the brokenness in Bob’s eyes. “You don’t get it, Robert.”

His full name made him flinch. 

Your fists clenched at your sides. “Some of us didn’t sign up for this.” 

You stormed out of the room so you didn’t have to see the hurt settle in his face. You caught enough of a glimpse, though, that made your stomach ache, like you’d swallowed acid and it was eating you from the inside out. 

Bob sat on the floor where you’d both fallen, legs folded beneath him. He buried his face in his hands. He could feel it- the darkness. It seeped in from the corners of his mind. 

Did you hear her? You chose this. She’ll never forgive you.

“Stop it,” he cried, tugging his hair between his fingers. “Shut up. Shut up.”

You hurt her. You made it worse. You always make it worse. 

“I didn’t mean to,” Bob whispered. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean to.”

-

Valentina didn’t like it when you climbed up on the roof, but all of you did anyway. She said her security team always lost track of you because the cameras tended to malfunction. What she didn’t know was that you and Walker had come up here when you first moved in and messed them up so you’d have a place she couldn't watch you. Any time she sent someone to fix them, one of you would break the lens or tape a picture of Iron Man or something like that, so eventually she just gave up. 

You sat with your legs hanging off the edge. The clouds were low tonight, heavy with rain. It made you feel like you were sitting in the middle of the storm. You sent a blue flash into the grey to mimic the lightning that hadn’t come quite yet. 

“Careful. Someone is going to think that’s a UFO.” Bucky’s heavy steps stomped across the concrete of the rooftop, his hair slicked back from a shower and his arm recently polished. 

“Good.” You glanced briefly back at him and turned back to the clouds. “Maybe that will give them something to talk about other than us.” You sent out another flash and he sat down next to you, metal fingers clinging against the edge. 

“Were you here?” He asked. You raised a brow, so he clarified. “During the attack on New York?” 

You flexed your hands out in front of you. Blue fizzled in between your fingertips. 

“I was on a school trip upstate. Senior year of high school,” you said. “My parents were here, though. My mom got killed.”

He nodded, eyes almost as blue as the power in your palm. “Is that what made your dad…”

“Turn into a mad scientist doomsday prepper who mutilated his children and turned one into a monster using the same weapons that killed his wife?” You finished for him. You shrugged, leaning back with your arms resting behind you. “I mean, he was always an asshole who thought he could prepare us for the big terrible world by being even bigger and more terrible, but… yeah. I’d say that was the last straw.” 

Bucky didn’t mutter any apologies or give you any pitiful glances, which you were grateful for. 

“You stayed with him all that time?” 

“Didn’t have a reason not to.” 

“But you had a reason to stay.” His question was clear. 

You kicked your leg out, then let it fall. Out and fall. Out and fall. “My kid brother idolized him. And when mom died… well, he really thought my dad was going to save the world by changing the two of us into something that couldn’t be taken from him.”

“He wanted to turn you into superheroes.” Bucky hummed thoughtfully. “Sounds familiar.” 

“Yeah and he screwed up. He didn’t make me a hero, he made me-” You cut yourself off, anger buzzing through you with a power not from earth. A power that once tried to destroy the city you sat over. “That sound familiar too?” 

Bucky didn’t say anything, but the look in his piercing eyes was enough for you to know he understood. He understood more than you needed to explain. He knew. You didn’t know how, but he did. 

“You know,” he inhaled sharply, “I really hated Valentina for a long time after she kind of forced us into a team.” 

“Really?” You scoffed. “None of us could tell.”

He nudged you with his metal elbow. “But after a while, I realized it was good. For all of us.” Those blue eyes softened. “We fit together. Don’t ask me how, but we do.” Bucky turned back to the skyline, breathing in the clouds. “Nobody fits better than the two of you.”

Your shoulders slumped forward, head angled down so you could just see the specks of people beneath you. 

“How am I supposed to let him see all of me?” You asked, voice barely a whisper. “When I still can’t look in the mirror for too long?” Holding your arm out in front of you, you stared at the scar where your father had dug a blade into your flesh, searching for something that would justify his paranoia. 

Bucky held his hand out beside yours. The silver glinted in the light next to your skin. He took your hand in a gentle, but firm grip.

“That’s the cost, isn’t it?” 

He let go, letting his arm fall back to his side. Yours stayed there, though, hovering in the air like you were reaching for something. Maybe you were. 

“Now, thanks to you, I owe Yelena twenty bucks,” he huffed, climbing back off of the ledge. 

“What were you-” You started, then it hit you. “Oh, you’re an asshole.”

Bucky just clicked his tongue and waved back to you as he left. 

Downstairs, Yelena felt the hallway growing dark, and a deep dread settled in her stomach. Her knock was light. She entered the room without waiting for a response. 

He was sitting on his bed, facing a wall, and the shadows of the room seemed to collect around him. 

“Hey, Bob,” she said, taking a step forward. “You feeling okay?”

“I can control it.” He tilted his head to acknowledge her presence, but he didn’t move. “I can. I promise.”

Yelena held up a hand, like she was approaching a frightened deer. “I know you can.” She eyed a particularly angry-looking dark spot. If dark spots could be angry. “But for the sake of curiosity, why are you going all, you know… scary dark shame loop?” 

“I didn’t- she hates me because I couldn’t- I scared her and now I-”

“Bob.” Her voice sharpened. It forced him to look up at her. “What happened?” 

-

You spent the rest of the afternoon walking. It didn’t matter where. It didn’t matter once the sky started to get dark. You walked around the city, looking at everything that, not so long ago, had been utterly destroyed. And it was all through the power that now haunted your veins like a virus that was slowly eating away from the inside out. 

Bucky’s words rang through your head for the entirety of your walk.

That’s the cost.

The elevator doors closed around you and the numbness faded. It was a wall you’d built around you since you came back from The Blip. What a stupid name for it. Too simple, too sweet. Half of the world vanished and when they came back, everything had changed. You’d lost everything and they told you that you were lucky to be back. 

You weren’t sure when you started crying, but once it started, you couldn't stop. Your whole body shook from the force of it, like it was breaking you apart piece by piece. The wall crumbled. 

That’s the cost.

When you reached the penthouse, you pulled yourself off the elevator floor, unsure of when you sank down to your knees. You knew you probably looked crazy. You stepped out anyway. 

The living room was empty and quiet. Someone had made coffee, despite the late hour. You breathed in the scent of it to ground yourself. 

Yelena emerged from the hallway. Trailing behind her was Bob, his eyes sullen and shoulders slumped. 

When he saw you, the guilt struck him all over again like a thousand bullets. You’d been crying. More than that, he could see the toll of everything in the way you held yourself, like the structure that held you up had crumbled. You were still crying. Tears pooled in your pretty eyes and rolled down your cheeks. He never meant to make you cry. He didn’t mean to-

His thoughts stopped when you bolted across the room and wrapped your arms around him. 

You knocked the air out of his chest and brought him back to himself, all of the shadows threatening to consume him chased away by your touch. You buried your face in his chest, your tears wetting his shirt but he didn’t care. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered into the fabric. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

“Y/N, I-” He started, but he didn’t know what to say, so he just kept apologizing. “I’m so sorry.”

You pulled back, looking up at him with more vulnerability than you thought you were capable anymore. His blue eyes softened you, melted you into someone you used to be. Someone you wanted to be again. 

“Can we talk?” 

Bob let his hands fall to the small of your back, pulling you as close as he could. He nodded, leaning down to nuzzle into your neck. 

“I’ll just…” Yelena didn’t finish, she just stalked off, giving the two of you one last glance before heading toward her room. 

You tugged Bob out onto the balcony. Years ago, Tony Stark fought a god on this balcony. Steve Rogers and Thor. Heroes. People you’d heard about your whole life, from your father trying to make you one of them, from the world that turned them into idols. Now, you couldn’t help but wonder if they were just people, too. 

“I know it wasn’t your fault,” you said, wanting to get that out of the way. “And I don’t blame you.” You paced in front of the glass barriers keeping you from tumbling over the edge. “I’m tired. I’m tired of being scared.”

“I know.” Bob shook his head, the guilt still lingering in his gaze. “I keep making you relive the worst parts of your life. The more I try to stop it, the more I keep hurting you and I don’t want to hurt you anymore-” 

“Bob, stop.” You took his face in your hands and took a deep breath. “I can face the worst of me because I am the best of myself when I’m with you.” Grasping his hand, you placed it over the scar on your arm. “I want to show you all of me. I want you to see the parts of myself that I could never face alone. Because I’m not alone anymore. Sometimes I just need to remember that.” Another breath. “I love you, Robert.” With those words, all of the air left your body. You had to say them again just to inhale. “I love you. And yes, that scares me because of- well everything to be honest and-”

It’s his turn to interrupt you, lips catching your words and breathing life back into you. His hand cups the back of your neck gently but his movements are steady and determined. You know without him breaking away that this is him saying it back. He does anyway.

“I love you too.” His fingers grazed the scar on your hip while his other hand tangled in your hair. “A-and I’m going to get better. I can control it. I am going to work every day to make sure you never have to go through something like that again.” 

“And I am going to remind you every day something bad happens, because it will, that it isn’t your fault,” you promised. His blue sweater was warm against your skin and the growing chill of the evening. “The point isn’t to make sure nothing happens, Bob. It’s to make sure we can go through it together.”

That’s the cost. 

You hated how right that old soldier was. 

“So…” Bob glanced at the windows to the balcony, where the entirety of your team was now standing. “Does this mean we’re okay telling everybody?” He shrank away from their stares, his sheepishness making you smile. 

“Yeah.” You turned his face back to yours. “I guess it does.” 

Looking at you made him forget all of it, the panic, the pain, the slight fear of Walker’s annoyed glare. You pulled his lips down to yours and it all went away. You knew it would still be there. All of that anguish lingering in both of you like a disease. But maybe it was a little easier to face together than alone. To have someone there, leaving the light on for when you were ready to come out of the darkness. 

Inside, Yelena held out her hand. 

Bucky rolled his eyes and passed her the cash.

[amoeganism]

UNFORTUNATELY INTERESTED michael kaiser

That weird regular with blond and blue hair stopped showing up to the cafe you work at and coping by watching every clip you find of him online isn't enough. Lucky for you, he's also a weirdo freak who missed you.

tags: birthday special!! crack, loser x loser, ness doesnt ask questions, ness third wheels, ness STAND UP, mentions of circumcisions if you dont fuck with that, reader is a freak, michael is a freak, it cancels out (no it doesnt), 2.6k words of slop, i'm lazy and am going to nap now

A man named Michael orders two drinks from your cafe each morning at seven. It’s a simple order of a mug of hot black coffee and a to-go order of black tea. He sits down at a table farthest from the entrance but still next to a large window pane, sipping on his coffee until it’s gone. Then, he’ll place the empty mug on the shelf with all the other dishes to be washed and take his tea with him, disappearing until the following morning. He isn’t the only morning regular that you encounter but the blond and blue mullet along with the tattoos of intertwining blue rose vines are intriguingly beautiful; every person has a uniqueness intangible by another but Michael’s haunting blue eyes leaves you with uncomfortable curiosity that’s seemingly impossible to be satiated. 

He stops showing up three months after his first visit. It kind of freaks you out since you had just come to terms with how you’ve been anticipating his appearance every morning for you to observe him like a scientist observing bacteria under a microscope. Part of you assumes it’s because he caught onto your weird staring and finally rationalized that there’s a creepy barista that’s a little too interested in his ritual of blowing his piping hot coffee four times before drinking or how they’ve caught onto the way he delicately trails his fingertips around the ceramic rim of the mug between every sip. Fortunately for your pride, your question as to why he disappeared was answered by a viral post on your social media feed of your more interesting customer shirtless and calling a group of teens dumb, ugly pieces of shit or something like that. You laughed at the clip before realizing that you really did look forward to seeing him again. 

It freaks you out a little bit when a different man shows up at seven in the morning ordering the exact same thing Michael did: a black coffee and black tea but this time, they’re both to-go. He gives his name as Alexis and you can’t help but think his face looks rather familiar. As he waits for his order, he scrolls on his phone and furiously types something before perking up when you call his name.

“Thank you!” he chirps, putting his phone into his pants pocket. “My teammate really likes it here. He asked me to get this for him because he can’t make it. Uh, his name is Michael?”

Your mind clicks into place at the mention of your former customer’s name. The man in front of you is Alexis Ness, the funny little guy that Michael, or rather Michael Kaiser, would exclusively pass to on the field. You’d rather die than admit that you spent a little too long stalking any and all videos of the man you could find—his awful personality was oddly entertaining. “Yeah! He used to come by every morning before falling off the grid.”

You were tempted to ask about Blue Lock, but you didn’t want to expose yourself as a freakish stalker that does background checks on their customers as a hobby. Before you can fall victim to temptation, Ness pushes the glass door open with his back and leaves with a short “have a nice day!”, leaving you with a new guy to dig up info on. 

The next morning at seven, you expected to see Ness return to order drinks for Michael, but you were greeted with two men instead of one. One of which, being Michael himself. His hair was put up with a gold claw clip rather than let down and he mindlessly nodded along to the nonsense rambling of Ness. The shirt he wore was loose around the collar, exposing a blue rose tattooed onto his neck and collarbone, a painful yet beautiful placement. Each line and stretch of color was beginning to bloom into his skin as it settled and spread, leaving slightly blurred edges as a result of aging. You had read that he was the same age as you, nineteen, and that made you wonder when he had gotten it done.

“Good morning,” you greeted with a small smile, standing in front of the register with your hands in front, ready to take their order. Directing your attention to the blond man, you attempt to start some kind of small talk, “It’s been a while since you’ve been here. It’s good to see you back. Black coffee here and black tea to-go?”

“I’m impressed that you remembered my order,” he teased, reaching into his pocket for a black wallet and pulling out a credit card. “Have I really made such a big impression on you?”

Slightly irked but also amused, you take his card to slide on the side of the register. “You came here every day for months straight. I think it’d be embarrassing for you if I didn’t remember who you are. It’s not often someone like you comes around and stays.”

“Someone like me?” Michael asks with a raised brow. 

“Y’know, tatted up and choppy, dyed hair. You kinda remind me of a peacock; I fuck with it.”

“Nice to know someone appreciates it,” with an exaggerated sigh, he combs his fingers through a loose lock of hair framing his face. “It’s a shame people tend to be so boring and unappreciative of what I bring. Peacocks you say? When I cut my hair, I can put the scraps together and make a custom peacock feather just for you.”

“Oh…I’m so glad to hear that you’re creative and confident? I think this is why you’re a soccer player and not a business owner…or pickup artist…or a customer service worker…or a respected individual.”

The mention of his athletic career catches Michael off guard for a brief moment, ignoring everything else you said like a guy stuck in delusion limbo with selective hearing, but he was quick to recover from the initial shock. “You know about me? I never knew you were such a fan. Do you want me to sign a napkin for you? I don’t offer this to just anyone.”

“I’m good, you can leave my napkins alone. And I think it’s reasonable to see what happened to my former superfan.”

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, I was here for the superb drinks, not you.”

“Ouch? Be careful what you say, I’m the one making your order.”

As Michael laughed at your interaction, you suddenly remember that Ness was still there, having long been done with reading the menu. Whatever embarrassment you had was replaced by judgement with how Ness was perfectly content and joyful about being left out like a cuck. Athletes are weird, you conclude. 

“What can I get for you?” you direct towards Ness, opening up a new order.

“Um, I’ll get a cold brew to-go.”

“Sounds good! Cash or card?”

Shortly after, all three drinks were made and you called both Michael and Ness to the pickup area where Ness grabbed a straw and found a table for the two to sit at. Michael, however, stayed behind, not even bothering to touch his two drinks before talking to you. 

“What time does this place close?”

“Six in the afternoon every day except for some special holidays where we either close early or don’t open at all. I can never remember which is which so I bother the owner for every one.”

“Is it just you who takes the opening shifts?”

“Yeah, I work the first hour alone and then my coworkers come in. I get off at three so it’s not too bad ‘cause I get the afternoons and evenings to myself.”

“That’s nice,” Michael muses, slowly nodding to himself. He slides his coffee over to himself and looks at you with a sly smile. “So if I were to take you out for dinner, it wouldn’t be a problem?”

“If you’re gonna kill me? Yeah that’d kinda suck, but if you’re talking about a date…sure,” you laugh at your unfunny joke. Thankfully, Michael either also shares a bad sense of humor, or laughs at you and is mocking you. If it’s the latter, you’ll find a way to get back at him (and it doesn’t have to be ethical). “Um, do you want my number or…?”

“That’d be wonderful, thank you.”

You quickly grab a ballpoint pen and scribble your contact information on a napkin from next to the sugar and sweetener packets, handing it to Michael. His slender hand brushes yours, sending goosebumps down your arm from his cold skin. Outwardly, you don’t show your surprise at the unexpected sensation but the rush it brought made you embarrassingly giddy. 

His sharp blue eyes crease along with a teasing smirk on his smooth lips. “And here I was thinking I’d be the one signing a napkin for you. How nice of you to prove me wrong, love.”

“Already starting with the pet names? That’s bold.”

“Should I stop?”

“Do whatever you want. It’s kinda funny how eager you are to be with me.”

“I can’t deny that.”

Michael carefully folds the napkin with your phone number, placing it in his wallet and meets Ness at the table he chose, bringing his beverages along with him. It didn’t take long for the pair to finish and leave, but not without Michael sending you a sly wink your way. The gesture was kind of goofy and if it were anyone else, would give you second hand embarrassment from its corniness. From how your heart skipped a beat, you silently cursed him out for bypassing your bitterness and working his way into managing to fluster you. 

—

“Hey, a customer asked for my number this morning,” you tell your coworker, Yui, as she ties an apron around her waist. Her brown eyes lit up at the news as she whipped her head around to face you. One of the first traits you learned about her was her nosiness and although it could easily become aggravating, you had always found it entertaining, making her one of your favorite people to work with. Her schedule, unlike yours, alternated between working morning shifts and afternoon shifts, making you see her a couple days a week. Yui finishes her uniform by putting on a baseball cap with the cafe logo on it, something you learned that she would take off within an hour from how sweaty it’d make her.

“Who?! Did you give it to them?! Did they text you yet?! That’s so exciting unless they're creepy and weird and in that case, I hope they get pushed in front of a subway,” Yui fires at you, her eyebrows raised with intrigue. “Well?”

“It’s the soccer guy that I told you about. The one who used to come here every day and then dropped off the face of the Earth.”

“Oh! Michael Kaiser? Wait—he asked you out?! Holy shit. That’s insane! Did you say yes? Did he text you yet? You should text first—wait you can’t because he’s the one with your number.”

“I guess he technically asked me out? I mean, he just said ‘hey, what if I took you out for dinner’. If he doesn’t text me I’m going to kill him.”

“Fair, fair.”

You got a notification from an unknown number on your way home, asking you if you were the barista at your cafe. Relief flooded your body, overriding the tension you didn’t know you had. After shooting a text back, confirming your identity and asking if the message was from who you think it is, it takes five seconds too long for him to reply and in that time you consider buying a pair of scissors for a surprise circumcision. 

MICHAEL: How do you feel about 6 P.M. tomorrow?

YOU: fine with me

YOU: where should we meet

MICHAEL: I can pick you up

MICHAEL: Consider it a surprise

YOU: can you even drive

YOU: are you going to kidnap me

MICHAEL: NO

MICHAEL: PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

YOU: omfg you want me so bad

YOU: [address]

YOU: https://www.wikihow.com/Neuter-a-Dog (this is a warning)

An alarm indicating you have ten minutes before Michael picks you up blares from your phone but you stay put, stupidly blinking  into your vanity mirror as if it’s going to do anything to your appearance or do anything to turn your phone off. The gum you were chewing served as a stress reliever and something to make sure your breath wasn’t rancid but it quickly turned into garbage bin gunk as soon as you bit your tongue. Everything was starting to piss you off and you suppose you’d start with silencing your phone. 

Even though you’ve worn this outfit before, you twirl around like a dog chasing its own tail, trying to find any uncut tags or a seam that magically broke in the few minutes it spent putting it on. Several stabs to your ego outweighed the taste of blood in your mouth as you realized you were losing your cool over a guy named Michael so in an attempt to calm yourself down, you disregard any advice of breathing exercises and imagine Michael picking his nose while loudly grunting as he takes a shit. To your utmost horror, you don’t get the ick.

Exactly one minute before the clock hits six, you get a text from Michael saying that he’s outside your apartment. You stumble to get your keys, making sure your bag and everything you need is with you. Despite not spending any time wondering what his car would look like, the obnoxious electric blue car had you blinking several times and pinching yourself to confirm if what you’re seeing is real. One part of you feared that the literal beacon would attract a violent mob of paparazzi or creepy fans and it’ll end up in all your private information being leaked with a box of shit on your doorstep but another self-absorbed part of you thought the gesture was flattering and that deep down, you were thoroughly enjoying the attention. Match made in hell or whatever. 

“Nice car, you planning on totaling it anytime soon?” you ask, sliding into the passenger’s seat.

“Not yet, unless you’d like me to. I can put a blindfold on and press the gas as hard as I can if you ask,” he gleefully fantasizes. It’s a little cute how smug he is talking about ways he would cause a car accident for you. Maybe chivalry isn’t dead or maybe you’re both doing the world a favor by going off the market. “I’m a man of many talents, after all.”

“Wow. I’ve never been more attracted to a man in my life.”

You don’t know if Michael’s playing along to your deadpan comment or if he’s choosing to ignore it with the way he drives all the way to the restaurant with a smile on his face. The sight of him with such a proud expression on his face combined with the misplaced confidence is embarrassing but endearing. If you were to ask yourself why you decided to smile along with him, you’d tell yourself it’s because you’re making fun of him in your head, but in your heart, you know it’s for a different reason—one you’re too stubborn to admit. 

To spend months observing Michael Kaiser only for him to disappear without a trace, leaving you longing for a reunion you thought only you would anticipate is more shameful than admitting to yourself you had fallen for him first. As Michael parks his car and extends a hand out for you and opens your door, extending a tattooed hand out for you, you suppose you’ll share your affections with him the same time you share it with yourself. 

[kxsagi]

Bllk with a reader who is always at their home and the moment she isn't they panic/feel lonely lowkey me

“𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞: 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧”

a/n: just watched flipped and i need a yearnful man

ft. isagi yoichi, mikage reo, nagi seishiro, itoshi rin, itoshi sae, kaiser michael, karasu tabito, yukimiya kenyu, shidou ryusei, bachira meguru, ness alexis

isagi yoichi

he walks into the apartment whistling, all happy and boyfriendly, expecting you to be on the couch wrapped in a blanket like a human burrito watching your 20th true crime doc. 

but the moment he opens the door and it’s silent… he freezes mid-step like he just triggered a tripwire. 

“love? you taking a nap?” 

no answer. his eyes dart around like a detective. he starts checking rooms, corners, under the bed? 

calls you immediately. your phone rings from the kitchen counter. 

“oh my gosh she left her phone. she’s dead. she’s in a ditch.” 

doesn’t even sit down. just holds your throw pillow to his chest, stares blankly at the ceiling and whispers, “this is what grief feels like.” 

when you walk back in, he’s like, “i thought you got kidnapped and forgot your phone during the struggle. i already made a missing poster.” 

you were gone for an hour to buy dish soap. 

mikage reo

reo swears he’s the most chill, secure man alive… until he opens the door and you’re nowhere to be seen. 

immediately texts you: where are you did i do something be honest. you hate me now right i’ll buy you a new apartment 

facetimes you and just stares at the screen without blinking. full deadpan. no words. just sorrow. 

“you weren’t here to greet me at the door like a happy little wife. how am i supposed to go on?” 

lies dramatically on the couch like he’s in a 1920s soap opera. holds a photo of you to his chest. 

considers texting your mom just to feel closer to you. 

the moment you walk back in with iced coffee: “oh so you’re alive. and caffeinated. but not emotionally invested in my suffering? okay.” 

nagi seishiro

the moment he realizes you’re not home, he literally just… stops functioning. 

like, deadass stands in the living room for three minutes straight. motionless. 

throws himself on the bed dramatically. 

calls you and groans into the mic when you pick up. 

“this sucks. i was gonna lay on you like a body pillow.” 

ends up opening the fridge 14 times out of boredom, forgetting every time that you’re the one who actually cooks. 

texts you “when are you coming home 😩” every 10 minutes and leaves 28 voice notes, all of them sighs. 

when you return: “finally. i was thinking about ordering you off amazon if you didn’t show up.” 

itoshi rin

rin acts like it’s whatever. says, “she’s probably out. it’s fine.” 

it is not fine. 

starts pacing the apartment like he’s rehearsing a monologue. 

checks the time like he’s your parole officer. opens the closet to see if your shoes are still there. 

mutters “what if she met someone smarter. taller. funnier.” like he’s fighting inner demons. 

keeps walking into rooms and frowning like they offended him. 

when you come back, he’s sitting in the dark, arms crossed. 

“you didn’t text me. or call me. or say ‘rinnie, my love, i’ll be back soon.’ what am i supposed to do with that?” 

then immediately pulls you into a hug like he’s been deprived of oxygen. 

itoshi sae

acts like he doesn’t care. “she’s out. whatever.” 

literally sits on the couch with his arms crossed like he’s waiting to argue. 

glares at the wall. then at your phone charger. then at your slippers. 

ends up scrolling through old texts, rereading the one where you said “brb i’m going pee.” 

calls you and doesn’t even say hello. just: “so you abandoned me now?” 

you tell him you just went out for groceries and he replies, “okay. so you’d rather be with onions than me. good to know.” 

when you come back: “you didn’t even ask if i wanted to come. i could’ve carried the bags. held your hand. flirted with the cashier to get you a discount.” 

kaiser michael

absolutely losing it. like, cartoon-level panic. 

he opens the door expecting to see you, only to be met with dead silence and a couch that looks too empty. 

dramatic gasp. 

“she’s gone. my freundin is gone. and i don’t know who i am anymore.” 

immediately checks your location. sees you’re at the pet store. starts spiraling. 

“what if she meets a guy who likes cats more than me? what if he’s german, too?? no. NO. I’M ONE OF A KIND.” 

facetimes you mid-aisle and when you pick up, he says, “don’t buy a hamster, buy a plane ticket back to ME.” 

when you return: grabs your face in his hands, all breathless like a war reunion. 

“don’t ever leave me again without telling me the exact time, duration, and intention of your trip. and a selfie.” 

karasu tabito

the worst combination: clingy and sarcastic. 

the moment you’re not home, he sends you a video of him dramatically opening the fridge, seeing it empty, and saying, “wow. abandonment. you left me to starve.” 

updates his IG story with a selfie captioned “#widowed.” 

facetimes you and holds your blanket up to the screen like, “you see this? this smells like you. this is all i have now.” 

calls his mom and says, “remember that girl i told you about? yeah. she left me. she’s dead to me.” 

when you get back, he immediately flops on you. 

“i couldn’t even be toxic today. who was i gonna annoy? the toaster?? never again, babe. next time you leave, i’m hiding in your purse.” 

yukimiya kenyu

starts off normal. reads a book. drinks tea. listens to classical music like a refined man. 

but after 45 minutes of silence, he starts looking around like a ghost might appear. 

opens the window and sighs like he’s in a french film. 

talks to the cat you guys don’t even own: “she’s usually here by now. i hope she’s okay. she’s my sun, my moon, my stars…” 

makes himself a sad cup of tea and drinks it in your sweater (that’s too tight for him and the fabric is snapping). 

when you finally walk through the door, he says, “oh. you returned. i only had to make three voicemails about how much you mean to me. no big deal.” 

hugs you for an entire minute and whispers, “next time, take me with you. i can fit in your tote bag.” 

shidou ryusei

bro flips out like a sitcom character whose wife just left him for a yoga instructor. 

immediately calls you and when you don’t answer in 0.2 seconds: “babe? where are you?? i’m losing my mind, i think i’m seeing things. the plants are whispering.” 

drags your hoodie around the apartment like a lost child. talks to it. 

makes a dramatic tiktok where he fake cries into the camera and captions it: “she went outside without me 💔 pray for me y’all” 

tries to track your location. can’t. assumes you’re on the run. 

when you get back, he clings to you like velcro. 

“you LEFT me here, alone, with myself. do you even know how dangerous that is?? never again. we’re getting a gps tracker. download life 360 right now.” 

bachira meguru

step 1: walks in. 

step 2: realizes you’re not home. 

step 3: whispers, “... uh oh.” 

this man has the emotional regulation of a bouncy ball. the second he doesn't see you smiling at him from the couch, he starts spiraling like he's in the middle of a villain origin story. 

“did she get bored of me? is this my joker arc?” 

talks to your plushies like they're your personal council. lines them up and goes, “okay guys, serious meeting. our queen has vanished. thoughts?? theories?? conspiracy??” 

makes a whole art piece with crayons titled “come home, baby, i miss you.” 

facetimes you with his face one inch from the screen like, “WHERE. ARE. YOU.” 

“you said you love me and then you LEFT. you broke the sacred trust. i can never emotionally recover from this.” 

when you walk in with bubble tea: “you were gone for so long i started humming to the walls. they’re my friends now. you can’t replace them.” 

but then he tackles you in a hug and whines, “next time i’m coming with you. i can fit in a shopping cart if i curl up.” 

ness alexis

you are his sunshine. his oxygen. his wi-fi connection. 

so the one day you're not home when he walks in with a bright little “i’m back~!” and there’s no answer? he’s devastated. 

full meltdown. texts you: i’m home!! wait where are you are you okay?? did someone steal you??? i miss you already. it’s been 3 minutes. 

paces around the apartment like a sad little elf, sniffing your perfume from your jacket and sighing like he's in a boyband breakup ballad. 

sits on the floor with your fuzzy socks and says, “i wore these once when you weren’t looking. they made me feel safe.” 

calls kaiser and says, “yo do you think she left me?” kaiser was like “she went to the pharmacy.” ness: “so she’s gone.” 

posts on his close friends story: “miss her. wish she’d come home. i lit a candle for her safety 🕯️😭” 

when you come back: “i was gonna knit us matching scarves while crying to sad kpop. you’re lucky you came back in time.” 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

[itoshiierae]

Hiii! I hope you’re doing well! I was wondering if you could write about a touch starved Alexis Ness? 😣

- 🪷 anon

──★ ˙🧷 ̟ !!

ᡣ𐭩 notes: hii 🪷 nonnie!! it’s been a while huh??? but i hope you’ve been doing well too c: anywayyy idk why i decided to sneak in a little angst here 😭 i hope you don’t mind it too much — i promise he made up for it!!!! 🥹

ᡣ𐭩 cw: angsttt ((only at first)), eventual fluff, ness being kinda mean but i promise he makes up for it, anddd touch-starved!ness <33

it started after a bad match. he was frustrated — not just at himself; but at the team, at the stats, at the fact that no one was listening to his calls. everything felt off, and every single one of his teammates was acting up that day.

so when you came over, you tried to cheer him up the only way you knew how: by giving him gentle kisses to his cheek, a smaller one to his temple, and brushing your fingers through his hair, just trying to make him feel loved — even if he didn’t ask for it. as his girlfriend, you were just trying to calm him down like you always do. but instead of leaning into your affection the way he usually does… he immediately snapped.

“can you just… not be too clingy right now?? i’m literally not in the mood.”

he didn’t even spare you a glance. just turned his back and walked off, mumbling something under his breath while you stood there, hand frozen mid-air, heart wilting a little in your chest due to his reaction.

once he’d calmed down the next day, the guilt immediately hit him. he apologized and even brought you your favorite snacks, hoping it’d make up for how he acted. and of course you accepted it, because that’s just the kind of person you are. you told him you were okay even if the way he hurt you still lingered a little.

except… after that, something in you shifted. you weren’t as touchy anymore; not because you didn’t want to be, but because you didn’t want to seem too much for him again.

──★

you still hugged him. still gave him kisses when it felt right — you’re his girlfriend after all. but you tried not to “overdo” it anymore. no more arms wrapped around his neck while he ranted about his day. no more fingers threading through his hair after a long match. no more surprise hugs or soft little massages, just because you felt like doing it. you stopped giving affection just because you wanted to, you only gave it when it felt like he needed it.

at first, he didn’t notice the shift. but now it’s been weeks and the shift is nearly impossible to ignore.

he’s been yearning… or more like craving — your touch so badly, it’s slowly starting to drive him insane. and the worst part??? he doesn’t even understand why you stopped; why you’re suddenly not as clingy or touchy with him anymore.

he keeps telling himself he’s overthinking it, that maybe you’re just tired or maybe it’s nothing. but it’s just too obvious now. and he misses it. he misses you — or more like the version of you who used to cling to him like it was second nature.

──★

“y’know… i realized you used to be more touchy than this. is something wrong?” he blurts out one day.

it’s late. the room is quiet, just the low hum of the night and the soft glow of the bedside lamp casting everything in gold. you’re both lying on the bed tangled in comfortable silence. you glance up from your phone, blinking at the sudden question that literally came out of nowhere.

“huh?? what do you mean??” you replied, your tone is light but there’s a hint of confusion in it. you’re not sure if he’s joking, or if this is something heavier.

“i mean—” he fidgets. “you used to… touch me more. just— y’know you were way clingier before this but lately i realized you kind of just… stopped??”

he trails off. you don’t answer right away. then slowly, like peeling open a wound that never fully healed, you say:

“you told me i was too clingy that day after a bad match, remember??”

ness immediately stiffens, the memory slowly hitting him all at once. that day, the way he reacted to you and the way you slowly stopped reaching for him after that.

“you were mad after the match. i tried to help, but… you pushed me away. so i thought maybe… you didn’t want me to be that way with you anymore.”

“so i kind of just stopped...”

he remembers now — remembers the way your face dropped after his reaction, and how the light in your eyes dimmed just a little. he remembers how small your presence felt after that, like you were shrinking just to stay out of his way. and god, he hates that he was the one who made you feel that way.

“shit,” he breathes. “i didn’t… i didn’t realize you stopped because of that.”

you shrug, quiet. “i know you did apologized but i just figured you meant it when you said i was too clingy.”

he turns to you, suddenly desperate. and the look on his face right now is full of remorse. you could tell that he genuinely didn’t expect you to take his words seriously that day. and now he’s upset, heart-sick even, that he ended up hurting the one person he loves.

“i didn’t,” he says, fast and breathless. “i mean yeah i was mad… but not at you— never at you...”

“i love you and i love your clingyness...”

his voice cracks.

“you weren’t too clingy. you were just… being you and i miss it. i’m sorry that i made you feel like you were being too much.”

you look at him. “ness—” but he reaches for your hand before you can say anything else, and he holds it like it’s the last tether to something he doesn’t want to lose. “i always want you to be clingy with me.”

“i didn’t know how much i needed it until you stopped…”

his eyes are glossy, full of that quiet desperation look you know all too well. that same puppy-dog look he used to give you when he needed comfort but didn’t know how to ask for it. and now he’s looking at you like that again. but this time, it hurts.

“can you hold me? just for a bit?? i miss the old you and i’m sorry for being stupid…”

you don’t even answer. you just wrap your arms around him. and he immediately melts into your embrace like he’s been holding himself up for weeks and finally lets go.

“… you’re so dumb,” you whisper into his hair, but it’s affectionate and he nods like he agrees.

“yeah,” he breathes. “but i’m yours… so please don’t stop touching me again. i could literally feel myself going insane the moment you stopped.”

you don’t even get the chance to respond because the second those words leave his mouth, he’s already moving. he pulls you straight into his chest, arms locking tightly around your waist like he’s afraid you might vanish again. his head tucks into the crook of your neck, breath shaky as his hands tremble just slightly where they press against your back.

“i missed this,” he mumbles, barely audible against your skin.

“i missed you. this version of you. the one that just… holds me.”

you feel his grip tighten — like he’s trying to make up for all the weeks he went without it. his fingers trace your back absentmindedly, grounding himself in every small point of contact. he presses a kiss to your shoulder. then another, to the side of your neck.

“don’t stop,” he whispers. “not again.”

and you don’t. because all this time, he never hated the way you touched him — the way you’d wrap your arms around his neck, the kisses you’d give him after a bad day just because you felt like it, not because you thought he wanted it. he just didn’t realize how much he missed your softness… until it disappeared.

© itoshiierae 2025 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅ please do not modify or repost my content onto any other platforms.