#SORYR I JUST SAW THIS NOW

[thechibilitwick]

did u see this yet. kazui squared

guy who gets his throat tongued by other guy but says no homo

[silkjade]

This js not a request or anything, I just wanted to tell someone about this😊

SLIGHT ARCHON QUEST SPOILERS!!

(i think, soryr☹️)

Fontaine would be SO good for mermaid aus

Like imagine a wrio x mermaid!reader where wrio saw the reader first from that window In his office or what💪

Even better if the reader gets sick or just fatigue from the primodial water

And the guy is like: 😱😭

And then boom he has a mermaid with him, In his own office🤯

⤀ cw: fem!reader, no pronouns mentioned ⤀ a/n: OMG OKAY I FINISHED THE AQ && UR SO RIGHT ! this gave me sm brainrot wah i had to write a litto smthg >.< but I can see him being pretty chill about it too… (sort of a spinoff to the alhaitham mermaid au I guess hehe)

perhaps every so often, wriothesley would get tiny glimpses of you in between those giant stalks of seagrass, but the moment passes by so quickly that he just brushes it off as nothing. probably just a bubbler seahorse that wandered into the area or something

‘eh whatever. as long as it doesn’t pose a threat—there are weirder things out there.’

when he has his first suspicions that primordial seawater might be leaking into the normal seawater, he takes it upon himself to personally check on the pipes and investigate. however, once he gets to the abandoned zone at the end, he finds... a washed up mermaid ?

hes honestly a little bit amused as to how you could've ended up here, and his initial instinct was to just toss you back into the sea. but it's not like you're some otter caught in a fisherman's net; you’re breathing so laboriously and feverish to the touch, on the verge of passing out… so he scoops you up and takes you to sigewinne. which is how when you finally come to, you find yourself in a tank in the duke of meropide's office

(some headcanons below the cut ! a little bit suggestive at the end ₍ᐢ. ̫.ᐢ₎ )

he introduces you to tea, but it’s so bitter ! perhaps mermaid tastes are more aligned with that of melusines because wriothesley basically short circuits when you tell him you prefer sigewinne’s milkshakes

in his attempts to sway you to his side, he’s scouring his collection left and right, brewing different teas that he hopes you might like

“alright, how about this one? it's light, with a hint of sweet flowers and bulle fruit."

"i still like sigewinne's milkshake better."

speaking of sigewinne, she definitely catches all the minuscule changes in wriothesley's facial expressions whenever he talks to you. and so of course she and her melusine friends start adding stickers of you onto his belongings too.

he takes them off to save face but stashes them away somewhere in his desk

once you've recovered enough, he'd help you out of the tank, and when your tail dries into human legs, he'd take you on a tour around the fortress as 'a friend from the overworld.'

however, you notice how everyone else addresses wriothesley with his title and you worry that maybe you've been too casual with someone so important?

so when you also start addressing him as 'your grace,' during afternoon tea in his office, he almost chokes on his own tea. you tilt your head in confusion because his cheeks are so flush and he can barely look you in the eye. it takes him a second to gather his composure

oh archons above it makes him want to do unspeakable things hearing you say that, so at least for now....

"please, just wriothesley is fine."

continuation

[diqnbaus]

Let You Break My Heart Again (Part 2)

Paring: Miles Morales x fem!reader

Summary: Your attempts to avoid Miles have worked. Until it’s time for his dad’s promotion party. That’s it lowkey. The next part will have more I promise. This is also at the beginning of ATSV so you’ve been warned.

Category: Not sad but not happy??

A/n: im soryr im so tired and I wasn’t even planning on writing another part but I felt badly. Also ik think chapter isnt as good as the first but I’ve rewritten in three thousand times and have two drafts. This is the one I like more.

No matter how upset you were, no matter hard you tried to ignore Miles; there was no getting out of this. You had to go to Miles’ dad’s promotion party. Worst case scenario, you saw Miles and he tried to talk to you again. Best case scenario, you don’t see him and get free pizza from the party.

Either way, you were going. After all, you were mad at Miles. Not his dad.

So that was how you found yourself here, on the roof that was filled with people you didn’t know, trying to fit as much free food onto your plate while simultaneously trying to avoid eye contact with anyone who might start a conversation.

Unfortunately, you were unsuccessful in your attempts. Mrs. Morales soon approached you, just as you were stuffing your face with one of the cookies from your plate.

“I know the cookies are good, but please don’t choke,” Mrs. Morales says, smiling softly.

“Mhsis Mowawwes,” you swallow the cookie before trying again. “Mrs. Morales! This party is wonderful, and so are the cookies, obviously.”

“Thank you, I bought them myself,” she chuckles. “Have you seen Miles anywhere? He was supposed to be here ten minutes ago. He has the cake.”

“The cake? That’s the most important part of a party. No I haven’t seen him, sorry.”

She sighs, “that’s okay. That boy is always late to everything. I need to start telling him to get there twenty minutes before they actually start, then maybe he’d be on time.”

“Maybe you’ll only have to tell him to get there,” you check your watch, “thirteen minutes before it starts. He’s walking in right now.”

“Ugh, y/n you’re a lifesaver! I’m going to talk some sense into that boy,” she says while heading in his direction.

“Yep,” you mumble to yourself before eating another cookie and finding a quieter corner that you could sit in.

Your peacefulness didn’t last long, as after the fight Miles had with his parents, they went to find you.

“Y/n! Just the person we needed!” Mr. Davis said as they approached you.

“We were wondering if you would go talk to Miles. I’m sure you heard what happened earlier,” Mrs. Morales said.

“It was kind of hard not to,” Mr. Davis mumbled.

Ignoring her husband, she continued, “We really think something is bothering him, and he won’t talk to us. So maybe he would talk to you?”

“Oh I don’t really know, he didn’t really seem in the mood to talk to anyone,” you reply awkwardly, trying to get out of the conversation. The aforementioned worst case scenario was upon you.

“Please? It would double as my promotion present; as you didn’t get me one,” Mr. David said, confrontationally.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I had to get you one,” you replied, panicked.

“I’ll only forgive you if you go talk to Miles,” he says sweetly before his wife turns him around and harshly whispers to him. Something about “manipulating” and “poor girl,” while you just sat there confused.

Finally when they turned back toward you, you told them you would do it.

“Thank you so much y/n,” Mrs. Morales says while ushering you towards the exit of the roof.

“Yes, thank you. The door should be unlocked. But if it isn’t, there’s a spare key under the mat,” Mr. Davis says as you reach the exit.

“That’s not very safe,” you reply, a little unnerved. You have to talk to Miles about that later. Maybe. If you felt like it.

“Oh please! I’m not the police chief yet, I can still be a little crazy now and then. Plus I change up the spot every other year, so we should be fine,” he says, ushering you out the door.

“Thanks again!” They say in unison, just before the door closes. You sigh before making your way down the many stairs, to the apartment.

Sure enough, the door is unlocked. But just to make sure he wasn’t joking, you checked under the mat and found the key. Huffing, you stand back up and make your way into the apartment towards Miles’ room.

“Miles! We need to talk about a few things. Starting with your dad’s key placement…” you trail off after opening the door to Miles’ room to see him and Gwen looking at his shelf full of his ‘action figures.’ This was the worser case scenario. Worster? Worsest? It doesn’t matter. This was bad.

[sallymew4]

hi guys

(forever) wips below are: scene redraw (that i actually started on way before posting mobsai here. crazy !), and teru in an outfit i saw at the mall once (denim dress. dress made of NOTHING but denim. it caught me off-guard but i think i was just being too harsh <3 he was going to wear those galaxy leggings all middle schoolers wear with it as well)

originally this post was just gonna be me posting pretty old wips that i never finished cuz ive been sick (i actually feel way better now tho) and lazy but then i started perusing some more of my older mobsai doodles and unfinished arts and decided to post those alongside the ones above :) i just think its fun to see how my art has developed grown and changed over a period of time, especially with the designs of these characters

if ur interested in lookin at suma those vv

thunder claps welcome

reminder and warning that a lot of these were me still kind of figuring out how to draw them so they will NOT be beautiful picasso

i think this was the first digital mob i ever drew..... he was born august of last year..wow

i was incredibly weak for father reigen if you couldn't tell [sarcasm]

i also didnt know how his suit worked. lol

soryr i was mean 2o u serizwaw sir. anwyays

various ritus (ft teru) vv i made him very hateful because i thought it was funny

v v supa unfinished (obviously) pre-mob teru stuff, just hanging out by roof railing

and then there was a looot of what might be my favorite genre of these, which were just goofy little scribbles

that last one i made in the middle of watching the last episode. i promptly teared up in the bathroom after finishing it

anyways thats pretty much it, for digital anyways :) i like looking back on art, cuz then im like "oh wow, improvement IS real" (i always forget). ill try drawin some moar stuff 4or yalls, i already gots sumthn in the works. oka bye thank you for looking !!11!

[lovinggarou]

garou for the cover of volume 32

Ok im gonna ramble about it because IM SUPER happy about this specially because is one of my favorite moments of him, you know one of those where you can read it no matter your mood it will always feel right, again im not very used to tumblr but I wanted to talk a bit more about how nice it felt when I saw that murata chose this moment as the main cover and how he actually drew it, I saw some people complaining about the composition? But I think it looks cool like that, seeing a more detailed version and another perspective of that ‘iconic’ (and important) moment of “this was a blessing”, with those colors that I honestly was a bit weirded out at the beginning because I expected him to stay yellow forever and ever .but now he’s kinda orange which I CHOOSE to believe that was on purpose as a way to show how he was literally burning for the amount of strength he used with that final attack ISHDIDJJSBF AND HOW it starts to go from a vibrant yellow-> to orange-> to blue (cosmic garou),, WRLL going back to the point on how the colors worked all over the cover it was very pleasant to see, even know I still can’t stop finding myself staring at the cover dumbfounded (May be just me biased).. the lighting of the moon going through the letters making them more transparent (it seems to even if .not really.ok…) and it also reflecting on garous back/part of his face it’s another thing I adored..

Im craving to see the entire picture already and too see more of garou in general I have been MISSING this man as if that was the only thing I am meant to do…this feelinf also made me think about how we are getting close to end his arc *again* .got really sad over that this afternoon too so I don’t want to further that thought ,,, it’s about to enjoy big momentsf like this one so #yay

I can’t stop looking at it it looks so cool HEeeee LOOKS SO cool . and the fact that his hair is still red too …hejshdjehe…even though it made sense (because that’s the colour he had when he was in his spiral form and after being buried underground) …THE MOVEMENT OF HIS BANDAGESBDBFBDJDJF GN OKAYEB !!!!! soryr it just made me super .happy and emotional (at the beginning) (seriously cried) (yearn for him)

I made seasonal gifs of this too . Not really a reason im just in merry Christmas mode already

[420technoblazeit]

i just saw someone named castiel91 in overwatch today and at first i was like he would not fuckign main soldier 76. but like tbh he probably would now that i think about it cas is boring as hell. either soldier 76 or bastion. and dean's a cassidy main obviously sometimes cas plays mercy and pockets him. crowley's a moira main and he makes dean bark for heals. sorry. im soryr for saying that. im right though he would. sam probably tryhards widow

[fearandhatred]

soryr i just saw a photo of crowley .im ok now

REOIUTHAWEILFAEIGAEJKEGRUAOIWGHRGHRRIEGREILWEHKTGHLUIHWELIGUULCTLEHKVGAUIAJUERLIUAUREIUGAEIRLHIUGAEUHILAEALUGIEFHGIULHIGERLEGRAIALREGHIGAERHLIGAELHRIUAEHIUAVEGLVAGEHLVGEHVHLIVEHVAEHLVGEAHILABEVHIRLUAGRLARGEIULEARUHAELIUAHEIUHILUEARHGIURHNEGILUAHAUGELRHNAEILRUHAGLRUHGUGHUELWHFGALUWGFHUELRGFHELRGHUALRGRHULGARHEULGHAELUAGER

[sequoiainthebox]

HI HI i have 3rd life brainrot but not in a hc way or anything i just really like the song American Pie by Don McLean and i think ??? the song just fits the vibes of 3rd life really well. like every time i listen to it there are certain verses and lyrics that just make me go. hmm yes . this is minecraft roleplay 3rd life.

like some of my favorites are:

And as the flames climbed high into the night

To light the sacrificial rite

I saw Satan laughing with delight

The day the music died

kinda like . scar lighting etho's tree on fire and as it kind of a glimpse into what he would become

and all the Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye Singin', "This'll be the day that I die" parts kind of remind me of like how the characters are constantly fearing and preparing for death, and they know its inevitable

i dont rlly know where im going with this im soryr ive just had this thought stuck in my head for a while and wanted to share it :D

I quickly flew over to give it a listen, and oh geez it’s such an old song! You are a classy one, anon! xD

“This'll be the day that I die/This'll be the day that I die" gives off such an end of the world vibe, like how everyone in the final fight like they knew their fate… ;-;

This part is kinda my fav:

Now, the halftime air was sweet perfume/While sergeants played a marching tune/We all got up to dance/Oh, but we never got the chance

Feels like a bittersweet ending for the early death… (well, at least the flower husbands got to dance in their home, huh? :] )

[kiwismoon]

how many shots would it take for you to fuck every era of harry

I can’t provide pictures becuse i was edting the documert and making it in a diff tab and i closed da tab so its kinda gone now sorry lmao i mean i’ll do this though

@finelinesupremacy here is the thing im talking to u about btw

Frat Boy Harry:

literally none at all like,,, he looks so like,,, hard but soft u know like like he’s the fucker who’s like super sweet and probably someone you went to highschool with and you saw him and remembered watching him grow up from a boy who used to play with you to being kinda further away, being the boy who sat with his friends and mixed his vegeteables with chocolate milk at school to gross his friends out, to being awkward around girls, a slightly gangly, awkward 6th grader who was starting to make friends and get comfortable in school, to being like,,, like probably on the basketball team and like,,, probably slightly popular around maybe 9th or 10th grade, slowly becoming more ‘desired’ in school whether romantically or not, to being...this...just,,, sweet faced,,, kinda like,,, in the way you see a ‘popular kid’ and think oh,,, boy.... like the ones normally ‘most attractive’ and with that sort of,,, confident vibe you know??? he gave off those vibes and he just looks like he could win anyone over in once glance but then when he starts talking and you realize he isn’t that, you fall even more because you realize he’s actually not very confident, slightly more introverted than he likes to put on. not at that that’s....harry duality he looks like he’d fuck you over/up in a relationship as “frat boy harry” because thats what i think its general sterotyped u know??? but idk so basically none <3 Prince Hair Harry:

again like...none. he looks so,,, cottage core soft if that makes sense he looks so,,, old and wise (no longer highschool ignorance ;c and shenianangians) and like,,, more put together to the outwards??? like appearnce but he also looks like,,,, idk i dont have to !!! justify myself okay !!! none because i SAID SO okAY SO ITS FINE AND IT DOESN’ FEFLK IT DOESN’T  MAAAATTTT

Long Hair Harry

maybe half a shot of of pure sweet NOTHING. HE COULD TURN??? RAISE EYEBROW PUSH BACK HAIR??? PEER AT ME??? UP AND DOWN??? I WOULD DIE???? I WOULD BE MELTED INSTANTLY AND LITERALLY??? ONE MOTION I GO BOOM BOOOM BOOOM BOOOM I WANT YOU IN MY ROOM- Dunkirk Harry: I’m sorry this is getting repeditieive, but like,,,, honeslty noone??? same story except OH MY GOD HE’S SO MATURE NOW???? NOT MATURE IN A BAD WAY BUT LIKE... 🗣 🗣 🗣 YOU KNOW KINDA AGGRESSIVE 🗣  IN A VERY GENTLE AND GENTLY AND  🗣 🗣 🗣 🗣 CARING WAY I GUESS I DON’T KNOW LIKE HE’S NOT AN OLD MAN BUT HE’S NOT AN ASSHOL?? BECAUSE HE’S MOATRE THATS ALL I MEAN OKAY??? BUT ALSO HOLY FUVCK???? PRINCE CHARMING???? HELLO IS THAT YOU ???? JESSUS CHRIST HE WAS THE BELLE OF THE FUCKING BALL LIKE WHAT?

Bandana Harry:

Feels kinda  🗣 frat boy 🗣  and WE KNOW OHOHOHO WE K N O W HOW I FEEL ABOUT FRAT BOY HARRY SO ITS THAT BUT ALSO PRINCE HAIR HARRY!! SO REMINISINCT OF WOODLAND ADVENTURES AND FAIRIES,,, SO BEAUTIFULY????? HOW IT WOULD BOUNCE IN THE BFRESSE??? IMAMCUTLRE 🗣 🗣  SO NONE,,, NONE EVER LETS GO ROUND 6

Fine Line Harry:

🗣none, ‘nuff said.

Lot Harry:

none

SNL Harry

none,,, ever,,,,,,,, really honestly just lets go harry round 8, come on

Don’t WORRY DARLING :) (OOH GODD DD,,D,,,, DONT WORRY DARLING HARRY IS JUST SOO GOOD)

LITERRALYY DONT WORRY DARLING HARRY IS LIKE,,, ERROR 404 FILE NOT FOUND BECAUSE OH WHATTTT THE FUCK???IM 

Pilgrim Harry: (Kidding)

none tho

(kidding)

( 🗣 🗣 none 🗣 🗣 )

SO YEAH THANKS FOR ASKING,,, SORYR GUYS I  KINDA  🗣 🗣 🗣 🗣 🗣 🗣  LOOSE BRAIN RN OKAY  OKAY, GOODBYE (@FINELINESUPRECENM)

[bountifulwitcharchive]

me being a good person: I think its just them realizing that im not a threat anymore and can be friends with me!!! my friend: or maybe they realized after everything they put you through your not a threat anymore and now they can do and have whatever they want--hey notice that your not anything anymore? not an issue or important?

me:

I had a long discussion with a friend in an environment i was in and i realize this is the core fundamental value of who i am as a person.

its why for the longest time i was in a very bad domestic violence situation 3 years ago because i refused and believed that my alcoholic ex was just struggling and despite throwing me out of the house. locking me out. or abusing me I still believed in him and in us because ther were moments that he was like ‘ im sorry diana ‘ despite them always being after something else happens to someone else, only to realize it hurt that person so damn it mustve hurt me.

i just think wow this is really who i am as a person, even at work. my last job? my manager was alwyas on the phone in the morning and everyone under her kinda got mad sometimes. ended up happening i liked to put music on my phone and set it up in the back cause in that job i use to do a lot of stocking. the night manager saw that and wrote me up with my manager who was nervous and figety knowing full well if i opened my mouth ‘why doesnt she get written up’ that there would be an issue. what did i do? nothing lmao i just kept my mouth shut because i knew my manger just got the position and needed the job

next case?

most recent job her i got a position that was suppose to go to someone else, tldr they got me in trouble all came together to get me writte nup. i cried to my manager writing me up like ‘this is unfair why are you writing me up??? what do you mean? ‘ and she just said soryr to me that she cant do anything. I could have taken it to HR but i didnt i just i let myself get written up and i told myself with such  a fierce determination ‘ IM GOING TO BE THEIR FRIEND AND I WILL WORK ALONG WITH THEM. ‘ itwas after spending a year doing that that i learned a milliong things that were going on behind the scenes including how the current manager lied to one of the ppl there about gettign the position i got hired for. btw getting written up put me on prohbation and i was suppose to train to be a manager. lmao.

i just

i let it happen

and HIM! SAYING THAT! REMINDED ME! IREALLY JUST!!

KEEP LETTING IT HAPPEN TO ME!!

i always think ‘ HEY!! I KNOW THEY ARE PURPOSELY BEING MEAN TO ME BUT ITS OK! IM DETERMINED TO BE THEIR FRIEND! ‘

>> AFTER NEARLY LOSING MY JOB AND EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE

‘ WHOA I HAVE PEOPLES TRUST NOW BUT I LITERALLY DESTROYED MY FUTURE!! ‘

even when ppl are like ‘i see it do u want me to talk to them. ‘ i just ultimately say no! its fine!!

im really stressed out because of this lmao its just REkindling feelings i didnt realize i did not want to feel that are having a domino effect on my mood.

its why when people say they will do things i want with me i feel sick to mys stomach and get so nervous that i dont know what to do???? it takes months for me to realize ‘ oh ok i can this is fine??? ‘ and genrally takes people actively poking me in return to fee lcomfortable about doing stuff with them its just

why its important to me when people involve me with things in them because im not use to that at all god it gets me so nervous and i am thankful for people involving me

sorry this was a dumb tangent im sure this is just a depression wave/season that is over coming me i hope itll pass in a few weeks but this one is really really heavy to the point im even coming on my roleplay comfort zone and throwing up word posts.

[pwjins]

just neighbor things

summary: your new apartment life starts out rather bad, but luckily, your odd friendship with your new neighbor helps keep both yours and his life just a little bit more manageable. member: seongwoo genre: fluff?? neighbor!au???  a/n: i literally have no idea what im doing i’m so sorry  insp. by these au prompts!!

congrats

You just got kicked out of your parents’ house

And now you’re trying to haul 50 pounds of stuff into your new and kind of shitty apartment

But as a 3rd year college student with a questionable major 

Who has no idea what the fuck they’re doing

This was a pretty good start for you

The rent for the apartment was pretty cheap considering it was small

But anything you could afford with your half assed part time job at the local supermarket was good enough for you

You finally lugged the last of your boxes into your apartment, letting out a heavy breath

Instead of throwing yourself on the floor and rewarding yourself with a nap

You figured you should be a good new neigbor in the apartment complex

So you showered and freshened up, making yourself look less sleep-deprived and somewhat presentable

You rushed out your door and knocked on the door of the apartment to the left of yours

You were hopeful to make some new friends in the complex and get along with your neighbors

Since you’d be living here for a while

However, your hopes went down the drain when you heard the sound multiple cats screeching behind the door

And angry footsteps moving forward and swinging the door open

Which probably would’ve hit you in the face if you didn’t step back

You were faced with an elderly woman, holding a chubby cat in her arms that looked as pissed as she was

Still, you decided to be confident and move on, greeting her with, “hi! my name’s Y/N! i just moved–”

Before you could even finish your introduction she glared at you with her angry old woman eyes and cut you off

“new neighbor? ANOTHER kid?”

You were unable to even respond to her as she kept annoyedly complaning about something like “noisy kids” and “don’t know what they’re doing” and “no decency”

The second she finished her thoughts, she shut the door 

Without even greeting you, leaving you alone in the hallway

“nice to meet you too i guess” you mumbled

Okay, so not a great start

But hey you still had your other neighbor to greet who hopefully wasn’t an ass

With new high hopes, you knocked on the door a couple times, waited for a minute or two

But there was no response

You decided to knock a few more times aaaaaand still no response

Giving up, you figured that your neighbor was either dead, asleep, or out of the house

You really hoped it wasn’t the first one

As you were about to turn and head back to your apartment

A voice a couple feet down the hall called out to you

“hey, what’re you in front of my apartment for?” they said, sounding slightly annoyed

You stiffly turned around, not wanting to make yet another bad first impression

You were expecting another angry person to be yelling at you

Boy oh boy you were SO wrong

The second you turned around and faced the person, you swear your heart probably stopped

Oh my god he’s hot

You were faced with a tall guy, subtle dark circles underneath his eyes and a family size bag of hot cheetos in his arms like it was his firstborn son

But oh man did he rock that sleep deprived look 

He was probably around the same age as you, college student you assumed

You struggled to get your words out, only managing to sputter, “uhh i’m y/n! i’m your new neighbor?”

He raised an eyebrow, looking at you up and down and completely iGNORED YOU

Before unlocking his apartment door and disappearing inside without saying another word to you

Good job, y/n, first day in and you’ve pissed off both neighbors

He might’ve been cute 

But that didn’t mean anything if he was as much of an asshole as the elderly cat woman next door

You sighed and decided to wave the white flag for the day, retreating back into your apartment to rest

Your place wasn’t exactly super well furnished

So at most right now, you had a crappy mattress, some blankets, and your best friend, the coffee maker

But you just had to deal with it until you unpacked everything else so you crashed on your mattress

And scrolled through your social media until you knocked out

As if your first day/night in your new place couldn’t get worse

You heard some loud and rapid knocking at your door, waking you up from your sleep

It was dark inside your apartment and outside the window too

So you pulled out your phone to see what time it was, squinting at your bright screen in the dark

3:17AM

Literally who the fuck was bothering you at 3am

You groaned and threw your blankets off the mattress and got up to head towards the incessant knocking

When you finally got to the door, you threw it open to see the dumbass trying to bother you

“i’m tired what do you wan–” you grumbled, unable to finish your sentence when you saw once again

Your undeniably good looking neighbor from earlier who didn’t look too sober at the moment

He looked pretty disheveled at the moment, but still damn

His brown hair looked slightly messy and he wore a plain t shirt over black jeans, and the three cute little moles on his cheek caught your attention

Before you could even ask if he was okay because he clearly did not look like it

He immediately fell against the doorframe, leaning and holding onto it as to not fall over

And he began rambling endlessly without even giving you a second to comprehend what he was trying to say

“hi i know it’s like 3am i’m so soryr but i’m just really tired and really drunk right now and i dont’ know WHERE my keys are and the old lady next door scares me with her gardening shears so please hav mercy on me and let me crash for the night plus you’re pretty and i know we just met but i think i like you so hi hey how’s it going”

And with that, he fell asleep against the doorframe

what the fuck

One part of you just wanted to leave him there and go back to sleep

But then another part of you didn’t want to be sued for abandoning a helplessly sleep deprived guy

So you tugged him forward so that his body fell over your shoulders and you dragged his RIDICULOUSLY HEAVY BODY into your apartment

jesus christ i just wanted to sleep

You didn’t have any couch or chair to lie him down in

Nor did you have the strength or patience to lug him all the way to your mattress

So you decided just to leave him on the floor by the kitchen and threw a blanket over him

You mentally pat yourself on the back for being a good citizen of the world and crawled back into bed

Right as you were about to fall asleep again, loud snoring began to echo through the apartment

You sighed in regret, contemplating if bringing him in was even a good idea

But you just ignored it and pulled your pillow over your ears and finally got to sleep

The next morning, you tiptoed into the kitchen pouring out some cereal into two bowls and making yourself a mug of black coffee

As you waited for the water to boil, you walked over to the sleeping body in your living room

You squatted down in front of him and nudged his shoulders lightly

He didn’t budge at all so you started nudging him harder, basically almost shaking his shoulders till he started moving

His eyes finally cracked open and he began stretching his arms a bit before sitting up and rubbing his eyes

He looked around your apartment which was stilled filled with boxes and tons of junk lying around

Poor guy looked so confused until he saw you sitting in front of him

“well this doesn’t look like my apartment”

“no shit it isn’t” you replied

“i think you’ve got things backwards, first you wake me up at 3am drunk as hell, crash in my living room, eat my cereal, and i don’t even know your name yet” you said

He struggled to stifle a laugh as you got up to hand him a good ol bowl of Fruit loops and a fork

He accepted the bowl but held up the fork with an eyebrow raised at you

“look i just moved in and i can’t find my spoons so you’re just gonna have to eat with a fork” you shrugged, shoving fruit loops down your throat

“funny because my apartment has all spoons but i can’t find my forks,” he laughed, “the name’s seongwoo, ong seongwoo, but you can just call me ong”

You smiled at his humorous personality– he was definitely growing on you

“y/n, but maybe you would’ve know that already if you didn’t oh so gracefull ignore me yesterday,” you chuckled

“Yeah, sorry about that, running on 2 hours of sleep and hot cheetos can make a guy moody sometimes” he responded

And so began your long morning of eating cereal and talking with your new neighbor, seongwoo

You learned that he was a year older than you and went to college about 15 minutes away from yours

He used to live on the on-campus dorms but got evicted by his roommates after his 2nd year for being too noisy

And apparently the person that used to live your apartment before you came was some middle-aged man that would steal his coupons from the mailbox

So he was relieved that that DEMON was finally gone

His other neighbor was yet another old lady who was overly obsessed with her plants and would try to cut him with her shears if he got too close

The two of you bonded over complaining about old cat lady and old plant lady, laughing over your encounters with them

After demolishing your box of fruit loops and talking all morning, you asked, “hey since i basically housed and fed you for the last 8 hours, can you like please help me unpack”

He happily agreed and you both spent the rest of that afternoon unpacking the boxes and uncluttering the apartment

While you would unload the rest of the plates and bowls into your lower cabinets

seongwoo would be putting away the cups and mugs onto the higher shelves that you couldn’t reach

Finally you had some chairs and other furniture to fill the space so that you weren’t eating on the floor or with forks all the time

You finished unpacking nearly all of the boxes, leaving some in the closet for another day to handle

After you guys finished, you exchanged numbers in case you guys needed something in the future

“if you need anything or need to drunk crash at my place whenever you lose your keys, just knock really loudly,” he laughed, heading out the door and back into his own apartment

Turned out his keys were under the mat the entire time

After that incident, you guys just started depending on each other for a lot of things

Because you guys were basically each other’s only friend in a building of angry elderly women

If you ever needed something from a tall shelf and couldn’t get it, you’d just knock violently on the wall for seongwoo to hear on the other side

If the landlord was inspecting rooms to make sure they weren’t being trashed

You’d help seongwoo hide all of his junk in the closet to make his apartment at least look clean

So that he wouldn’t get evicted from ANOTHER place

Whenever you’d forget to bring one of your textbooks to class, seongwoo had your spare key and was only one text away

Would drive all the way to your school just to drop it off so you didn’t fail chemistry

And of course there were nights where you’d both go out to drink together just for fun and it didn’t matter whose apartment you both crashed in

As long as you could at least get in to one of them

Yeah both of you tend to forget your keys a lot LOL

Studying for your midterms and having a mental breakdown?

No prob, seongwoo’s got you

He’d come over with a bag of hot cheetos, a 6-pack of dr. pepper, and popsicle he bought from some ghetto vendor down the street

“i heard you slamming your head against your textbook from across the wall so i thought i’d come help”

Whenever he was sick of his job at his college’s campus cafe and wanted to go home, you’d call his phone and act like you were his dying relative

So his boss would let him go home early

And MOVIE NIGHTS

Every friday you guys have a ritual where you alternate between crashing at each other’s place and watching a movie until you both fall asleep

To cool off from the stress of being poor, tired students

But sometimes you guys argue over what movies you want to watch

Or what you guys eat as a snack

“bitch you picked the movie last week now give me the remote before i feed your house keys to the neighbor’s cat”

BUT IN THE END YOU GUYS ALWAYS HELP EACH OTHER OUT

Like you could knock on his door at 2AM just to rant

And he would let you in and feed you stale poptarts until you calmed down

Or you guys will do face masks together and do some EXTREME pore cleansing while watching reality tv shows

The only thing you guys can’t depend on each other for though is food

One time you barged into seongwoo’s place and begged, “i’m out of food please help i really can’t adult today”

And he’d laugh at you and say, “you know the funny thing about this is that you ACTUALLY think i can cook,” as he pulls out ramen cups out of his cupboard

and oh boy y’all are just really cute n friendly neighbors that help each other out 

[otabekskitten]

152 for the prompts :3c

ohoho thank you vilm darling for the ask ^^ 

prompts ask~ 

152: “ Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night. ”

so I managed to think of two different situations lolol

Option 1:Otayuri are at home and are literally laying down next to each other Yuri is laying down on his stomach feet at the headrest on his phone looking at cat pictures x3 and Beka just finished up reading his bookBeka a bit pouty now wants his Yura babe’s attention so he starts to boop Yuri’s butt with his foot and Yuri just waves him off. Yuri assumes Beka is still reading his book and he’s just too caught up in the cat pictures to notice he’s done already xD

Beka went a bit more pouty now and is like hmmm I have an idea he finds some cute cat pictures and then some random pictures throughout as well to slowly spam and blow up Yuri’s phone because of course that mean Yuri could ignore him then right?Yuri’s phone vibrates like crazy as Beka sent all the pics and Yuri is like sighs and checks his phone and is like omg wait cute cats and glues his eyes even more at the lovely spam and then at the very end he just sees a random bunch of crap xD including a pic of Beka’s abs for the first half but the next pic is like something like maybe frog legs? haha (im like whats something weird but like beka is perfect so idk xDD just go with it) and it finishes the pic spam 

Yuri laughs and turns around is like Beka okay I get it now can you stop texting me weird stuff so late at night now. Beka also chuckles as he sends another picture and Yuri is like side eyeing Beka being like boy I just told you to stop what is it now. 

Beka is just like open it and Yuri opens it to see a cute little text I just wanted to say Hi and that I love you and he included a gif of a cute kittens cuddling and Yuri is like aww Beka and showers Beka in kisses. 

Beka thinks hehe that was the plan all along yes and he knows what to do from now on if this happens again ;)))

Option 2:Otayuri are separated for both are back at their respective home towns to see their families and will be meeting up in a few days. The boys text each other at night to catch up with their days. Beka got a little drunk one night though as his family was celebrating and having a good time that they just gotttt a bit too drunk.

Yuri is getting ready for bed and is towel drying his long luscious hair when he sees his phone has quite a bit of texts from Beka and is almost worried since he usually doesn’t text that much so out of the blue.

So Yuri checks his phone and sees just a bunch of random photos zoomed in blurry photos of what he assumes were the festivities that happened, a few memes, random photos galore, and then a text that had many typos. 

(name saved in Yuri’s phone)

Beka Love: “soryr im drukn rn the party got a bit mor than i dexpedted” 

Yuri laughs seeing at how Beka is still thinking of texting Yuri at their usual time though to catch up. So Yuri says

Yuri: beka baby im happy you’re still trying to catch up tonight as we normally do but maybe you should put the phone down. mostly so you can rest up but also so you can stop texting me so much weird stuff at night haha 

Beka Love: but i want to tsyr and keep talkding with u my lovea 

Yuri: haha you are too cute for me my darling. okay but just for a little big longer and then its off to bed for you mister, you hear me!!

Beka Love: yayaysu sir yeas sir *kiss face emoji*

and they texted about for another hour and beka baby ended up falling asleep on Yuri and Yuri caught on and laughed at his precious best boy and said goodnight my love

“Mini” XD Side Option to Option 2 Beka’s sibling(s) had Beka’s phone and they texted random words and saw pictures and were like ooo we want to show Yuri xD and Yuri is like hmmm is Beka alright?? but didn’t get a chance to reply just yet so he checks back later. 

Beka finally figures out his sibling(s) had his phone and see all the messages they sent to Yuri and sighs but he can’t be too angry with his precious siblings so he’s like please don’t do that again okay and theyre like okay we’re sorry we just wanted to have some fun >Beka tellls them that he will tell Yuri they send you their love and they kiss Beka’s cheeks and they go off and play somewhere else a bit longer before their bed time.

Beka is like hmmm and laughs at what they sent to Yuri this whole time xD and is curious as to what Yuri would say to all this so he waits and sees. 

Yuri is like Beka are you alright?? Did you get drunk or something lol I’d like to have an actual convo sometime if you’re not xD so if you could please stop sending me weird stuff this late at night that’d be great lolol 

Beka just laughs at this whole thing and then finally explains the situation and they have a great convo of just going over what they sent and how Yuri was just imagining if Beka actually sent these himself and so on and they have another great memory to look back on

welp I rambled for a lifetime haha xD but I really hope you enjoy these

[zrtranscripts]

Radio Abel, Season Four

Part 3 of 6

ZOE CRICK: And we've still heard nothing from Baz and Domhnall?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Not a peep.

ZOE CRICK: Damn it!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Mmhmm. Uh, but don't worry, citizens. We have been picking up some other broadcasts, and there's one me and Zoe think you might enjoy.

ZOE CRICK: Seems disloyal, though, doesn't it? To Baz and Domhnall?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, it's not like they knew we were listening. And you like Eloise. You said she sounded like a kindred spirit.  

ZOE CRICK: Eloise is pretty cool.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And Hugh's great, too. Now, you're going to love them, listeners, we promise. They're travelling around the country -

ZOE CRICK: No spoilers.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, okay. Well, stay tuned, and you'll find out all about Eloise and Hugh, right after this.

[static]

ELOISE: Is that better?

HUGH: There's still some interference, Eloise!

ELOISE: Well, then, stop and let me down, Hugh.

HUGH: I can't quite at the moment, my love.

ELOISE: Stop the van, you [?]. I'll drag the aerial right off the roof.

HUGH: You know I can deny you nothing, but that zom we saw, it phoned a friend! Now there's two fast ones got our scent, and they're gaining! I can't slow down!

ELOISE: If you go any faster, I'll fall off!

HUGH: I've opened the window. Can you do a Dukes of Hazzard?

ELOISE: Are you having a laugh? I'm 53!

HUGH: Now would be a good time! [ELOISE climbs in through window] Handled like a ballerina.

ELOISE: Next time, we check the bloody bushes before I climb up there. I found the problem. It was a zombie foot wedged into the aerial mount. Look! How'd a foot get onto our roof?

HUGH: Uh... maybe you should throw it out the window. With the contamination and the blood and all.

ELOISE: Oh Hugh, you're a big wuss, aren't you? Wait! That light's on. Are we transmitting? Did you hit transmit?

HUGH: Uh, I was trying to change the air conditioning.

ELOISE: Turn it off. Turn it off!

ELOISE: Hello!

HUGH: Hello.

ELOISE: I'm Eloise, and this is Hugh.

HUGH: Hello.

ELOISE: Yes, Hugh. Thank you. And thank you, the listener, for tuning in to our first show. We are travellers voyaging through the wild isles of zombie Britain in our faithful Volkswagen camper van.

HUGH: It's a Type 2.

ELOISE: Thank you, Hugh.

HUGH: With everyone dead, I thought we'd get a [?], but they're no good in the winter. And quite frankly, they're a bit slow for eluding the undead.

ELOISE: Yes, Hugh. But we were going to introduce the show.

HUGH: Oh yeah. Now, I used to be a postman, see, and I've still got my keys. So I can get into every postbox in Britain.

ELOISE: And I'm a telecomms engineer. So we've lashed a transmitter on the roof, and I've rigged up some relay stations along the road. We thought we'd do a show, to pass the time, and as a public service, you see, and we thought, "What did we used to like?"

HUGH: It was that show on Radio Stafford with that lady who answered your personal problems, Lucy Lockjaw.

ELOISE: Lucy Lockhart. Our idea is, we'll be your travelling agony aunt and uncle, bringing you wisdom from the road, and advice from the heart. So if you've got a problem, write a letter to Hugh and Eloise, and just pop it in the postbox. Everywhere we visit, we'll check all the boxes, and if your letter's there, we'll try to help! We're waiting to hear from you. And in the meantime, here's some music to keep you going. [audio clicks]

That went well, didn't it? I thought that went well.

HUGH: You didn't press it right. It's still going.

ELOISE: Oh, shit!

ELOISE: Well, a lot has happened since we last did a show. We've been coming up from the lake district, a lovely place to settle! Apart from all the zoms.

HUGH: All that moisture's hell on the axles.

ELOISE: If we were going to settle, we wouldn't do it in a camper van, now, would we? That would kind of defeat the porpoise.

HUGH: You mean purpose.

ELOISE: That's what I said.

HUGH: No. You said porpoise, like a dolphin.

ELOISE: Why would I want to defeat a dolphin?

HUGH: I don't know. You were the one who said it.

ELOISE: You always do this! You know fine well what I mean, but you pick up on a slip of the tongue and try to make me sound stupid. Any reasonable person would just take it as I meant!

HUGH: It's my Royal Mail training. When you read an address, see, you can't just guess what you think the customer meant. You have to deliver it exactly what it says on the letter!

ELOISE: Exactly where it says on the letter.

HUGH: It says it on the front.

ELOISE: There you go again. You are a pedant, Hugh Caulfield.

HUGH: Well, they never gave me a bike.

ELOISE: You're just making fun of me now.

HUGH: I might be, my love. But just remember, you're the one I voyage with every day through this cruel world.

ELOISE: Yeah, and I know where you sleep. Where did I put that zombie foot?

ELOISE: Good afternoon. I'm driving today because Hugh is busy opening your mail.

HUGH: Where'd we put them scissors?

ELOISE: They're in one of those boxes back there. Now, as you remember, we're here to answer your questions, like the agony aunt and uncle you've been deprived of since the zombie apocalypse. The idea is, if you've got a problem, whether it be about relationships, or careers, or health, or just everyday zombie matters, you write it down in your best handwriting and pop it in the postbox, addressed to Hugh and Eloise. And when we come to your town, we'll pick it up and offer you some confidential advice. Just listen in on this frequency.

HUGH: It won't be confidential, will it? If it's on the radio.

ELOISE: Well, it'll be anonymous, then.

HUGH: Yeah, but if we read a letter by Jane from Carlisle, it's going to be obvious who it is, right? I mean, there aren't many people left in Carlisle. Even less called Jane.

ELOISE: We'll use a fake name, won't we?

HUGH: Then how will they know it's their question?

ELOISE: Strike me down! They'll know because they'll hear it, won't they? They'll recognize the words, Hugh.

HUGH: Oh yeah.

ELOISE: So, have we got any first questions today?

HUGH: I'm soryr, Eloise. It's just the usual bills and charity stuff. There's this one package someone is returning to a website called Happy Tools.

ELOISE: Might be something you can use for the van.

[packaging tears]

HUGH: Oh. Oh, um....

ELOISE: What is it? Oh! My goodness!

HUGH: It might keep you happy, dear.

ELOISE: I... well, uh, well, maybe we could keep it.

HUGH: Oh, hang on. It's been used.

ELOISE: Ugh! Oh, throw it out the window. Throw it out the window!

ELOISE: People like you are why kids don't read!

[gunshots, glass shatters]

HUGH: Bugger. There goes another one. It's not the repair I hate, it's picking the little bits of glass out of my vegetables.

ELOISE: Well, she was a cranky lady.

HUGH: Nobody likes being called a fascist, dear. Not even a fascist bookseller.

ELOISE: Oh, really! What did she think we were, zombies driving about in a purple camper van? The hungry dead come to get their decaying hands on the latest Inspector Wexford?

HUGH: Well, possibly she's had previous experience with bloodthirsty raiders.

ELOISE: Bloodthirsty raiders come to pillage the largest secondhand book selection in Dumfries and Galloway? Oh, talk sense, Hugh.

HUGH: Bloodthirsty readers, then.

ELOISE: I'll bloodthirst you in a minute.

HUGH: Maybe save the pillow talk until we're off the air, my love.

ELOISE: Oh, I forgot about you and your vampire thing. [clears throat] This is an announcement for anybody requiring our services in the vicinity of Wigtown. I'm sorry to say we are unable to access the postbox because some nutter is on the roof of a bookshop, blazing away with a dangerous firearm. Yeah, that means you, lady! Get over yourself!

HUGH: We'll be around again, one day.

ELOISE: That's right, folks. You hang in there with your romantic dilemma or your baby turning gray. We'll be around again and we promise to respond to your letter in what, two years or so?

HUGH: Providing the van doesn't break down.

ELOISE: So um, just hang in there.

HUGH: Once again, I'm denied a chance to pick up the final Dick Francis.

ELOISE: Dick Francis? You only read him because you thought it gave you an edge at the bookies.

HUGH: You know what's coming up? Alloway, birthplace of Robert Burns, the Ploughman Poet, known the world over. I picked up a leaflet at the last place. It says, "His national pride, fierce egalitarianism, and quick wit have become synonymous with the Scottish national character." You can see the cottage where he was born and everything! Do you want to go?

ELOISE: Nah. You?

HUGH: Nah. Place'll be heaving with tourists.

ELOISE: [laughs] That's one good thing about the collapse of civilization.

HUGH: No tourists?

ELOISE: No poets.

HUGH: There's bound to be some bastard in one of them fortress towns knocking out free verse.

ELOISE: Doing readings to people who know it's either that, or be torn to bits by the undead outside.

HUGH: Hang on, here's a postbox. [parks van, opens door]

ELOISE: Any luck?

HUGH: No. Must have been empty when the plague hit. [starts van]

ELOISE: I really thought we'd get letters.

HUGH: We will, love. Give it time. It's only been a few weeks.

ELOISE: Deep down, I kind of knew we wouldn't.

HUGH: I know something to cheer you up! We're approaching Prestwick.

ELOISE: No!

HUGH: 100%! Prestwick Airport, the only piece of British soil upon which Elvis ever walked. And I am to know that there are no flights scheduled this afternoon, so if you're very good, I'll knock down the gate and take you on a tour of the runway.

ELOISE: Hugh Caulfield, you are the greatest man who ever walked this earth! Except Elvis, maybe.

HUGH: I'll take that.

ELOISE: If you've been listening to us for a while now, perhaps you've thought, "Yeah! I should get on the road like Hugh and Eloise and live the life of a free spirit!" But if you're thinking of leaving your nice, safe, gated community, hold your horses. It's not all picnics at sunrise and the fresh smell of pine after the rain. There's certain practical considerations.

HUGH: Any sign of them?

ELOISE: No, you're fine! Get on with it! In a camper van, your water supply is precious, and you need to preserve it. Okay, there's reservoirs and little streams, and of course, it pisses down every second day, but you try washing your smalls in an icy river come February, and frankly, a girl gets fed up of doing her big gypsy skirts in a basin the size of a grapefruit.

So every now and then, we make a special trip, and that's how we come to be parked outside the Chery Launderette. It's supposed to be the Cheery Launderette, but one of the E's has dropped off. Also, there's a lot of bloodstains in there.

Now, your average launderette don't work too well these days, what with there being no electricity. But we've got a little generator, and Hugh does some magic that only he can, so we get a couple of loads in. Well, to be honest, I could rig the same thing up easy, but who wants to spend their golden years doing electrics in launderettes? I swear - wait. Hugh! Get your ass in here!

HUGH: We're nearly at the spin cycle!

ELOISE: Sixteen shamblers incoming! Get in here!

HUGH: Oops.

ELOISE: Where's all my leggings?

HUGH: In the dryer.

ELOISE: Oh! And so, for a good half hour now, we'll be leading zoms into the suburbs until we can go back for our clothes and the genny. This is the harsh reality of life on the road.

HUGH: But it makes you smell so fresh.

ELOISE: Ah, zip it.

HUGH: Eloise, it's a very special day.

ELOISE: No, we didn't!

HUGH: I've got the letter right here.

ELOISE: No! Read it out. No, give it to me! No. Read it out. I'll drive. [starts van]

HUGH: "Dear Eloise –" Looks like this one's just for you. "Dear Eloise, it's Jasmina here. I heard you say that you are a telecomms engineer. I would like to learn that stuff so that I can help with the reconstruction of society, but how can I learn it now all the colleges have closed? Yours sincerely, Jasmina."

ELOISE: Good for you, Jasmina! We all need to find our place, and the more engineers we have, the quicker we'll get back on our feet. Before the zoms, you'd have been working on fiber and switches, setting up redundant networks and so on. But we're in a back to basics situation here. The old cables are still around, but there ain't the power to drive them, so radio makes more sense.

You don't say what age you are, but don't begin by trying to set up your own Rofflenet node. If you get stuck into the books to early, you'll maybe get bored. So go break into a toy shop or a craft shop and look for their electronics kits. Or the museum gift shop! Often, they've got a build your own radio. Follow the instructions, and try and understand how the circuit works. You can listen to our program on something you built yourself!

HUGH: Nice.

ELOISE: After that, you'll want your local library and a shop like Maplin or Radio Shack. Get a soldering iron and a suitcase worth of components. Build up the difficulty until you've done a transmitter, and then give us a call, all right?

HUGH: There's more on the back. "P.S. I am thinking of getting into Elvis, too. Can you recommend any records?"

ELOISE: Wait a minute. Let me see that. Do you think I'm daft, Hugh Caulfield? This is your handwriting.

HUGH: Uh...

ELOISE: Did you write this letter yourself?

HUGH: You wanted one so badly. I was just helping the process along.

ELOISE: You're a bloody twit. But I do love you.

ELOISE: Where are we?

HUGH: Inverkip.

ELOISE: Where's that?

HUGH: Under the ocean, it looks like.

ELOISE: I did suggest we take the other road instead up to the loch.

HUGH: Yeah, because up the hills, it didn't rain.

ELOISE: No need to take that tone.

HUGH: I wish we could find a good pub completely protected from zombie attack, so on a day like this, we could sit near the fire and get trollied.

ELOISE: A man of your ingenuity should be able to set up a pub inside a castle.

HUGH: All the good castles are taken.

ELOISE: You know that's the marina over there.

HUGH: What gave it away? All the boats?

ELOISE: You, Mister Crabby Esq., are missing the point. The owners of all these boats are most likely dead. We could have our pick. There's no reason we have to stay on land. You could load the bugger up with canned soup and lager and do what generations of weekend fisherman have done before you – sail out into the unknown waters and get wrecked. Of course, you would take that literally.

HUGH: Even in my cups, I'd be a responsible pilot.

ELOISE: Come on, let's check them.

HUGH: I think I saw a zombie on that one.

ELOISE: Really? You sure?

HUGH: Definitely. We'd better go before it smells us.

ELOISE: You just don't want to go out in the rain.

HUGH: Nothing to do with that, Eloise, nothing at all.

ELOISE: Hello. We're in some godawful bed and breakfast on the outskirts of Glasgow. I've moved the whole broadcast rig inside so we can bring you our program today, which is #2 in our occasional series: Why life on the road after the zombie apocalypse is not like the great music festivals of your youth.

HUGH: I got a bit of flu.

ELOISE: As you can perhaps hear, my handsome co-presenter is a little under the weather, as I came to realize when he nearly drove us into a hedge yesterday.

HUGH: It wasn't a hedge! It was barely a bush!

ELOISE: Camper vans are not optimized for illness. I could have made a bed for him in the back, if I'd been willing to ditch three weeks of food or 800 miles worth of petrol. [HUGH sneezes] Thank you, Hugh. Under these circumstances, a small hotel or a B&B is a good choice. They often had vacant rooms when all went to hell, so you can find somewhere clean to sleep without scraping up infected remains. And crucially, they often have private parking with a gate that locks.

HUGH: The pay-per-view's rubbish these days.

ELOISE: The what?

HUGH: The breakfast. It's the breakfast.

ELOISE: Of course, it's always on our mind that one of us might get seriously ill. All the big settlements have doctors, but they don't all welcome new faces, particularly new faces who have any symptoms that might look even a little like the gray plague. You're as likely to get shot as to get an appointment, and good luck persuading them to send the doctor out.

HUGH: [?]

ELOISE: I have no idea what he is saying. My point is, you have to be your own GP and pharmacist now. My old doc always prescribed antibiotics and never anything else. So early on, we started raiding pharmacies for antibiotics. We took a small supply and left the rest. 

As we travel around, we still look, but lately they've always been looted. So we save the antibiotics for the times it's really bad. We're not there yet, but these drugs have a shelf life. And as far as I know, nobody's making any more of them. [HUGH sneezes] 

So the message is, eat as well as you can, give your body all the rest it needs, and if you approach a settlement, do not look like a zombie on the turn.

HUGH: [?]

ELOISE: Move over, you. We might as well treat this like a holiday.

HUGH: Eloise. Eloise!

ELOISE: What?

HUGH: We got one!

ELOISE: No!

HUGH: Look!

ELOISE: This better not be another one of your fake letters to make me feel better.

HUGH: I swear! Look! "Hugh and Eloise." It was on the top, totally fresh. No stamp or nothing.

ELOISE: And really nice handwriting, look at that! Fountain pen or something. Female hand.

HUGH: Well, open it.

ELOISE: I don't know.

HUGH: What?

ELOISE: I kind of want to savor it for a minute.

HUGH: It might be urgent.

ELOISE: Hugh, we've been broadcasting for three months about our agony aunt program without getting a single inquiry. How urgent could it be?

HUGH: So are you ready yet?

ELOISE: Where did we put the letter opener?

HUGH: Use your fingers, for God's sake.

ELOISE: We might want to save this one. Frame it or something.

HUGH: Open the damn envelope.

[paper tears and rustles]

ELOISE: Do you want to read it?

HUGH: No, no, you read it.

ELOISE: [clears throat] "Dear Hugh and Eloise..."

HUGH: Well, come on!

ELOISE: "Thank you for your show. Since I found it, I listen all the time. Sometimes life can be very grim, and I get a vicarious thrill from listening to your adventures up and down the country. Please keep going and broadcasting. Yours, Louise."

HUGH: Wow, that's nice. Lovely.

ELOISE: Yeah, but... but...

HUGH: What?

ELOISE: She didn't have a problem.

ZOE CRICK: "Dear Eloise and Hugh: I'm a tightly-wound control freak who'd prefer it if all human interaction was carefully scripted, not just my radio segments. I think jokes get funnier every time you tell them, and washing up my tea mugs is for other people.

Sometimes I nod off while Jack and Eugene are acting out scenes from Thelma and Louise for us, using all the voices. And then I like to pretend I haven't, even though I've been snorning incredibly loudly. Can you help me to be a better partner to my lovely cohost?"

PHIL CHEESEMAN: "Dear Eloise and Hugh: I think I'm so funny, I laugh at my own jokes, even when no one else is laughing. Sometimes I start laughing four hours later because I've just remembered my joke again. Sometimes I do this when my best friend is trying to tell me a very serious story about his mother.

I'm so anal that I rewash anything anything else has already washed up. Also, I've alphabetized all the novelty mugs. I've recently been pretending I'm extremely well-read, but actually I just found a stash of CliffsNotes at the back of the pantry, and I don't think anyone else has realized. Can you tell me how to be a better human being?"

HUGH: Well, this is all very picture-skew.

ELOISE: You know what that is? It's the Harry Potter viaduct!

HUGH: Eh?

ELOISE: The viaduct from the films.

HUGH: What, that bridge?

ELOISE: When it's got all those arches, you call it a viaduct.

HUGH: Why did he have a bridge?

ELOISE: Who?

HUGH: Harry Potter.

ELOISE: He didn't have a bridge.

HUGH: So they named it after him?

ELOISE: It's Victorian, you wazzock! How could they name it after Harry Potter?

HUGH: I thought maybe they changed it when the film came out. For the tourists, you know.

ELOISE: They call it the Harry Potter viaduct because his train goes along it in the films!

HUGH: Oh, I got you now. When they go to his castle?

ELOISE: Who's castle? Voldemort's?

HUGH: Harry Potter's castle.

ELOISE: He doesn't have a castle.

HUGH: He does! Where all the kids go and have the big dinner.

ELOISE: That's a school! Hogwarts Academy of Magic and Witchcraft.

HUGH: That explains why they're all wearing ties.

ELOISE: We watched all the films on the telly.

HUGH: That might be one of the times when you watched them and I caught up on my snoozing.

ELOISE: Unlike those gripping times when we watched the Three Stooges.

HUGH: All right, then. Let's go to his castle while we're in the area. You got the map. Where is it? What?

HUGH: This is from Alan. "Dear Hugh and Eloise, thank you for your program. We have built a little community up here on the banks of the Ness. On the whole, we get on fine, but we do have personal disputes from time to time over issues which might seem trivial to an outsider, that take on great importance with living in such close quarters. I am sure you know all about this." No, Alan. I can honestly say that despite living full-time in a camper van, Eloise and myself never disagree.

ELOISE: You bloody liar.

HUGH: Yes, dear. Alan says, "Lately, it has become something of a big deal to decide whether Inverness is in the northeast or the northwest." Well, Alan, we've got the map here, and we will tell you exactly where you live.

ELOISE: I'm looking at it right now. I can state quite definitely that you live in the northeast. I hope that helped.

HUGH: There you are, Alan. One of our easier – wait. Northeast? You must be looking at it sideways.

ELOISE: It's on the east coast! It can hardly be on the east coast and in the northwest, now, could it?

HUGH: That's not how you work it out. You find the center point of the country and draw a line due north. Then if it's on the left, it's northwest, and if it's on the right, it's northeast. Where would you say the center of the country is?

ELOISE: I don't know! Huddersfield.

HUGH: It's about 200 miles west of Huddersfield, so it's in the northwest.

ELOISE: By that same argument, the whole of Scotland's in the northwest.

HUGH: Well, it is.

ELOISE: When you're up here, you use the center of Scotland!

HUGH: Okay. Where's that?

ELOISE: Fort William. Inverness is clearly northeast of that.

HUGH: Fort William's on the west coast, so how can that be the center of Scotland?

ELOISE: You're not allowing for the Western Isles.

HUGH: Yeah, and if you include Shetland, Inverness is at the center. Don't listen to her, Alan. You're in the northwest.

ELOISE: Northeast!

HUGH: Northwest.

ELOISE: Northeast!

HUGH: Read one out.

ELOISE: Just drive.

HUGH: This lot's been after us for half an hour. I'm bored. Read one out.

ELOISE: Hugh, will you concentrate on saving our lives?

HUGH: Not unless you read a letter.

ELOISE: No! Now shut up.

HUGH: The pressure. It's getting on my nerves, it's making me slow down. If only there was something to distract me.

ELOISE: Hugh, I swear I'll do that thing to you that you don't like.

HUGH: Just read a letter, Eloise.

ELOISE: Right. Right! "Dear Hugh and Eloise." Speed up! "Dear Hugh and Eloise, I like someone and I think we could become a couple. Frankly, neither of us has many options these days, but when we get together, there's no spark. Can you suggest a way I can spice things up and see if she's at all interested? Thank you, Mandy."

HUGH: You're the relationship expert, my love.

ELOISE: Oh, no. You wanted to hear the letter. Let's hear your romantic solution.

HUGH: Well, Mandy, it's actually very simple. [ELOISE scoffs] Some of the big settlements have runners – people that go out on missions and gather supplies. Ask your prospective mate to come out with you on a zombie run. You may find that the sheer peril of roaming undead and the looming prospect of a hideous death will bring your hearts together in a way that simple words cannot.

ELOISE: And Mandy, if that load of crap don't happen, make sure that you can run faster than this other girl. After all, it's great to be single!

ELOISE: You know what you're going to find.

HUGH: I prefer to think positive.

ELOISE: It's going to be the same as the last twelve.

HUGH: My dear, you are a beautiful woman, a charming companion, and a considerate lover, as well as no mean driver when you put your mind to it. But right now, you are throwing off my karma something awful.

ELOISE: You just have to accept that it's a good idea and somebody had it before you. Somebody who lives closer with a bigger van.

HUGH: All that means is there's a stockpile somewhere.

ELOISE: Yeah, with armed guards.

HUGH: Armed, they may be. Sober, they may not be.

ELOISE: You think a raid by a middle-aged agony aunt and her painfully obsessive husband might succeed where others have failed?

HUGH: I was thinking stealth.

ELOISE: That's it ahead. Which one's this?

HUGH: Glen Spey. Not so well-known, see, but slap-bang in the middle of the heartland.

ELOISE: The gates are off the hinges.

HUGH: Think positive.

ELOISE: That's the warehouse. The doors are open. It's empty. Cleaned out, just like the others.

HUGH: Buggeration. I'm going to check the office. There might be a special bottle or two in a drawer.

ELOISE: No, you ain't. There's something moving up there, and it's gray!

HUGH: [sighs] Where's the next one?

ELOISE: Aberlour. You get three more tries. Got that? Then we're off. Choose wisely.

HUGH: I suppose.

ELOISE: You don't even like whiskey!

HUGH: I just fancied a bottle or two. For visitors, like.

ELOISE: Visitors? Well, make sure I know when they're coming so I can freshen up the parlor!

HUGH: We've got a letter here from Angus, and he says, "Dear Hugh and Eloise, I used to eat too many convenience foods. Then I cleaned up my act and started cooking, with a consequent improvement in my health. Then civilization collapsed, and I was right back to eating from tins again. How do you make sure you get the right nutrition, especially as you are travellers of no fixed abode?"

ELOISE: What a good question. Well, there's two ways to look at that. One way is that we travel to make sure we get a varied selection of natural produce from up and down the country, and to minimize our impact on the environment.

HUGH: Yeah, that's a good way of looking at it, but it isn't true.

ELOISE: Well, it's sort of true. If we just stayed in one place, we'd probably exhaust local stocks and leave none for the next people.

HUGH: She likes them Ritz crackers. We got four boxes in the back. Not the little boxes, either. The ones they bring on the forklift.

ELOISE: Thank you, Hugh. We do cook every day on a camping stove. A lot of soups and stew and stuff, from vegetables in the fields and peoples' gardens. There was a slight plan to grow our own on the roof, but we had to give up on that before I installed the aerial.

HUGH: I took a corner too tight and we lost every last radish.

ELOISE: Hugh has been trying to grow things inside the van.

HUGH: I'm giving up on that until we can get proper hydroponics.

ELOISE: I suppose our best advice, Angus, is to become a gardener. Try a few different crops to test the soil, and build a wall around your beds to keep the zombies off.

HUGH: Zombies don't eat vegetables.

ELOISE: No, but they do eat gardeners.

HUGH: Uh, thanks for your question, Angus. Stay safe out there.

ELOISE: Hugh, don't look now, but I think we're being followed!

HUGH: What?

ELOISE: I said don't look!

HUGH: Is it zombies? We haven't got much in the tank.

ELOISE: No.

HUGH: Who is it?

ELOISE: It's the paparazzi.

HUGH: Oh. [laughs] Not again, eh?

ELOISE: I think it's the show that's the problem. Now our listenership is in the hundreds of thousands, people are thirsty for the intimate details of our glamorous life.

HUGH: Well, it's true. Every move around these rugged isles is a glittering cavalcade of drama and high fashion.

ELOISE: I'm glad I'm wearing a little Chanel number today with my matching handbag and all.

HUGH: I'm wearing Cinzano.

ELOISE: [laughs] That's a drink, you pillock.

HUGH: No, no. During my brief spell as a visiting scholar in Florence, I had something of a personal tailor who later became globally renowned. Humberto Cinzano made me many original designs.

ELOISE: I never heard of him.

HUGH: Yeah, he died.

ELOISE: Was that before or after you addressed the United Nations?

HUGH: Around the same time. What were you doing then?

ELOISE: Well, I think it's safe reveal to you now that I am a sleeper agent for the KGB.

HUGH: Your English accent's quite good.

ELOISE: [imitates Russian accent] Der Mister Caulfield, at last I have you in my grasp! My submarine is parked in the Scottish [?], or whatever it is called, and I must insist you accompany me to motherland, where I will both interrogate you and make mad passionate love to screw with your head!

HUGH: You think we could uh, [laughs] pull over for a bit? Maybe turn off the mic?

ELOISE: What about the paparazzi?

HUGH: They can take all the pictures they like.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Jack and Eugene need to listen to that.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah, they really do.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That'll show them.

ZOE CRICK: Exactly. Indulging in a bit of harmless, non-sexual roleplay is totally normal.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Completely! There's nothing odd about spending two hours pretending to be Dastardly and Muttley.

ZOE CRICK: Especially when you're as good at the laugh as I am. [imitates Muttley’s laugh]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And I bet lots of people pretend to be Q and M for extended periods of time. Days, even.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. We should definitely make Jack and Eugene listen to it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [gasps] Hugh and Eloise are an old married couple, though. Wouldn't that kind of be proving Jack and Eugene's point about us?

ZOE CRICK: Only if we tell them Hugh and Eloise are married.

[dashofstardustrp-blog]

● for mike and sam pls im spamming u with memes n i'm not soryr

[ ● ] my muse catches yours snooping through their belongings.

Mike and Sammy here we fking go

Sam didn’t know how she was still breathing by the time she made it to the top of the stairs after her run. She opened the unlocked door, which meant Mike was still home. Instead of calling out, she made her way straight to the bathroom to take a shower. Opening the door she saw Mike leaned over rummaging through her designated drawer. He must have not heard her come in because when she spoke he jumped. “Mike, the hell are you doing in my drawer?” she asked with a hand against the door frame still trying to catch her breath. He wouldn’t look at her when he closed the drawer. “Uh, nothing. Just can’t find my-” Sam pushed past him into the small bathroom. Catching a glimpse of his face she did a double take. “Why is there concealer on your face? Wait why is my concealer on your face?” she saw the much paler lines of poorly smudged makeup over a few areas on his face. Mike looked straight at her without any expression. “I woke up with a pimple bigger than big fucking ben. Then I popped it. And now my face is just damn gross” he said. Sam couldn’t help the laughter. He didn’t look too pleased with her reaction. “Not funny Sammy” he mumbled as the shower turned on. “It’s hilarious, but take a shower with me and clean your face - then I’ll help you fix it”